starssmilingdarkvoiddancing

[starssmilingdarkvoiddancing]

Paint me like one of your french girls

[starssmilingdarkvoiddancing]

cute couple things i’ve seen on campus this semester that make me want a stupid boyfriend

girl and guy were sitting on the same chair with the guy behind her only he was hugging her waist and fast asleep on her shoulder while she was working on her computer

saw this couple across the street from me waiting for the bus. the guy did the thing where he pretends to look for something in his bag and pulls out a finger heart instead

in the hallway i watched this girl run up to her bf and he gives her the biggest hug and goes “see told you you’d kill your presentation” then kisses her forehead

girl sitting next to me in the library has been grinding on an assignment all day (like i’d have been in the library from 10-3 with breaks in between for classes but she’d been sitting there the whole time) and her boyfriend would come in every few hours, put down food or coffee on her table, kiss the top of her head, and walk away without a word

in one of my smaller classes (probably around 30 people) this guy’s phone rang and he sprung up and left the class to answer it. usually profs don’t care if you leave class but this one is really small and he knows all of our names/faces, so when the guy comes back in the prof asks if everything was ok. he has the biggest grin on his face and says “yeah, sorry that was my girlfriend. her flight took off right before it started snowing so i was worried. she’s okay tho.”

was sitting outside and reading when it was warmer and i could see this couple sitting under a tree a little ways away from me. the girl was laying in his lap while he was on his phone. suddenly i heard an alarm go off so i look up and they start switching places so now he’s laying his head on her lap and she’s reading sitting up. it happened twice more after that

[starssmilingdarkvoiddancing]

9 Year old me could have beat your ass with a bamboo stick because i trained for like a week against weeds. Don't even try me

[starssmilingdarkvoiddancing]

And now it’s time for a breakdown *sobs quietly*

Sometimes I feel like the world is slipping away from me like I’m trying to fight against the tide just to keep up. Everyone seems to do everything so effortlessly and smoothly. I feel like I’m left behind. Never fast enough or smart enough or strong enough. There is always something else I’m missing. Something else I need that everyone else already has. It’s like I’m just falling away and no one seems to notice as I stumble and fall again and again. They only scold me for losing. Dismissing how hard I’m trying and how far I keep falling. Lazy. Dumb. Weak. At least I’m trying. Right? At least I’ve picked myself back up again.

[starssmilingdarkvoiddancing]

Icarus

My father strapped the wings to my back, his gentle face wrinkled into a smile. He was telling me something, but my mind had already wandered to the cliff's edge.  The waves crashing against the rocky wall drowned out my father’s warning. The world seemed to melt away as I leapt off the edge, my father right behind me. The breeze whipped through my hair. The sun’s rays warmed against my skin. As my feathered wings reached for the clouds, my father’s shouts were thrown by the wind. Apollo seemed to kiss my neck, melting wax slipped down my spine. my wings wrapped around me as I plummeted through the sky. I let out a laugh. An open laugh and an unknowing smile. I felt the wax envelop me. Down my legs and back. The water grew closer, currents swirling beneath the surface. I bared my teeth at the world. The sun surrounded me, illuminating the flurry of feathers around me as they formed shadow across my face. There was a kind of freedom in falling. A freedom in spiralling without control, without having weight on your wings. My father’s silhouette soared about me and I could have sworn I felt his tear fall onto my cheek. I wanted to whisper in his ear that I felt free. I would reach the depths of Poseidon’s kingdom and Apollo would witness my fall.

I was free from the weight of the world.