#$12/hr is not enough for any of the things I do at work

[ahundredtimesover]

I Want You to Stay (12) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; mentions of childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; mention of past experience of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts, business/property devt, and book talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; sexual content (18+)

Chapter Word count: 24.7k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii so this took a while but thank for being patient and showing so much love! This might sting a bit but I hope you enjoy it. We're close to the end so don't lose hope! 🤭🤭

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight  🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

There’s a kind of pain you don’t want to experience, one of a broken heart caused by someone you’ve given your all to. This doesn’t feel like that, but it’s close. 

It’s so damn close that you feel your chest tightening, the unfamiliar feeling of loss of a person you never even had overwhelming you. You press your palms on your ears to block the sound of your heart breaking, but even that doesn’t do anything.

You let go, your fingers now shaking as you type away. Jungkook has asked you to send him your resignation letter so he can forward it to HR for documentation. It’s like saying goodbye to him all over again, and it doesn’t hurt any less.

This is all on you though, you remind yourself. Wanting him was wrong in the first place - he’s your boss, the man who pays you, who needs you so he could do his job, so you could make his life easier. But he’s also the son of the man that your family is indebted to; a man who, in a lot of ways, shaped the way you approach life and determine what you want out of it. Jungkook stands as a reminder of who you are and where you came from, of the childhood you had, and the decisions you made to get to where you are now. You let your guard down and let him in, and you let yourself fall for a man whose own past was always going to intertwine with yours. 

You don’t know what you were thinking, kissing him and believing that things would fall into place. That was the thing - he kissed you and you kissed him back, a moment of weakness that you had no business having, as if almost doing it the first time wasn’t bad enough. You planned on leaving, and you hoped that you’d get to tell him on your own terms, that you’d have time to process your feelings and then explain yourself to him, that you’d be able to process his feelings and see the sincerity in them. 

But life doesn’t always play out the way you want to, and you can keep thinking that people would react the way you hope they would but you’re human. You fell into his touch and wanted so much of it that you couldn’t think properly. He asked you to stay - expected it actually, which is the last thing you wanted him to do. 

And now you’re left here with a lot of emotions that you don’t know what to do with - all conflicting, all overwhelming, and all seemingly out of your control. 

You can’t deny what you feel for Jungkook. The thought that he feels the same should be something you welcome, but with how you both learned about it, and with him now knowing the secret you’ve been keeping, it’s hard to think how you both could move forward without those feelings of doubt, perhaps of distrust. You know enough that those aren’t good starting points for any relationship. 

You’re doing what you have to do. Resigning was always the plan, but doing it this way wasn’t. You also didn’t expect you’d be leaving so much more than just a team you enjoy being a part of and a boss you’ve come to admire, a man who’s come to mean a lot of things to you. 

And so even if this is the decision you’ll make every single time, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you to be making it. Perhaps it’s now just dawning on you that you’re truly walking away from this job, and that may mean walking away from, too. This is when you realize just how big that loss is gonna be.

Jungkook made you braver. He made you feel understood and less alone. He showed you that beautiful things do exist, that you can capture them so you could hold onto the good memories, and doing that is one way to move on from the things that hurt. 

Without realizing it, he’d become the person you were willing to crawl out of your walls for. But just like him, maybe your timing wasn’t right either. No matter how strong the feelings are, something just happens to be more important than being with him - feeling free is one, knowing that you’re able to do this for yourself is another. There’s wanting sincerity, too, on his end and on yours.

You know you need time to sort yourself out, to know what you want outside of all this, but the way he goes on about his business is affecting you more than you expected. He’s essentially giving you two weeks to stay in the office. He’s having Lucas fly in immediately. The implications are breaking you even more - perhaps you’ll be kept out of the projects; maybe you’ll no longer do your morning routines with him. 

Perhaps he’s still overwhelmed about everything he knows. And perhaps he’s realizing he doesn’t want that complication in his life anymore. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with you and the mess you created, given all the stress and pressure he’s under. 

Maybe you were that easy to let go, too.

The thought feels like a slap on the face. 

But you’re the foolish one who wanted to leave but who also hoped he’d go after you. He didn’t do it last Friday. He’s not going to do that now. You doubt that after your last day, he would do it either. 

The tears dance around your eyelids. Everything becomes blurry, and after the first one falls, you stand from your desk and head to the washroom. You give yourself just 10 minutes to silently cry. You hadn’t prepared for this enough, and now the thought of saying goodbye to the team and leaving Jungkook during a big project launch weighs heavily on you. 

You calm yourself down, thinking that if you’d chosen to delay it, everything else would be harder - seeing him, being close to him, knowing you both feel the same way but not knowing if that’s enough. Or if it’s real.

You get to be selfish this time and leave for your own reasons. You get to choose which heartbreak you’ll face and for how long you’ll feel it. You get to decide which burdens you’ll carry and what you’re walking away from. 

The team will understand. You’ll give your all for the next few weeks you’ll be around and make sure that Lucas guides them well. Hoseok will be supportive. You know that he’ll always encourage you to go where you’re happiest. You just hope he won’t carry any guilt for being one of the reasons why you stayed now that he knows the truth. CEO Jeon might still ask you to wait, or he might just not want to see you again if he knows what really happened with his son, and that’s something you’ll have to learn to deal with as well. You don’t want to think you’re burning bridges with this decision, but you also know that those who truly care would want this for you, too.

But despite all that, the guilt and the sadness don’t go away. You’d once thought you could be happy with Jungkook. He’d given you a peek into a life where you could be, and he’d given you a taste of what it’s like to feel that all-consuming desire for someone. You don’t know if you’ll have that or feel that again for another person, but you at least now know what you’re searching for. 

Maybe you’ll get over yourself and find the words to tell him what you feel or hope for both of you. Maybe you’ll find your way back to each other someday. You might also have to face the possibility that this decision is what pulls you apart for good, and the thought breaks your heart again.

You take a deep breath and close your eyes. You think of the comfort of your morning routines and the shared silence. You think about the warmth you felt from all the food he’d sent when you were sick and injured. You think about that night you felt brave because he’d been with you when you were scared. You think about the tranquility of being in his presence as you gazed at the mountains and felt free being outdoors. You think about feeling understood during the times when you’d been honest and so had he. 

These are the good memories he gave you, the ones you’ll hold onto as you go through all this. You wonder if he keeps them in a nook in his heart the way you do, and if he’ll hold onto them as well as you walk away from him and from what you could’ve been. 

The thoughts are enough to suspend your sadness for a while. You fix yourself up and while it wasn’t a big cry, your slightly swollen eyes could still give you away. You decide it’s not much of a problem. Until, of course, when you make it back to your desk, about to sit down to resume your tasks, and Jungkook opens his door and locks eyes with you. 

There’s a moment where you hold each other’s gazes, and you see his face fall a little, softening briefly before he looks away, the seriousness coming back again. He attempts to say something but he stops, looking down at the papers he’s holding instead and asks you to photocopy them for distribution to the team.

You nod in confirmation, and as you’re about to walk out, Hoseok shows up.

“Are you free?” He asks Jungkook. “I need to run some things with you.”

“Sure,” Jungkook replies, glancing at you before walking back to his room.

Hoseok finally turns to you and sees your glassy eyes. His face falls, unsure how to comfort you during this time. He was never sure how to do that before, and he feels heavier thinking that so many times when you still worked for him, you probably wanted to quit but couldn’t. And that maybe his claims of needing you around to help him helped keep you here, in a place that wasn’t giving you that joy and satisfaction that you deserve. 

“___,” he calls out. “I got the notice. How are you feeling?”

“Well, I see that word travels fast,” you giggle, an attempt to avoid a somber conversation. You also don’t know how to explain whatever it is you’re feeling so it’s not something you’re keen on addressing.

“HR was actually the one that informed me and uncle,” he explains. “Losing you is a big deal so they thought to let us know right away. And I only mean that because you’re an integral part of this company. And you… you matter to my family. You matter to me, and I know you matter to him.”

Hoseok gestures towards Jungkook’s direction, prompting you to look away. The man in front of you sighs and apologizes, adding that you’ve come to mean so much to the people he cares for, including his wife. 

“You welcomed me to your family, Hoseok,” you respond. “You and A-yeong treated me like one and I always will be. But none of the sadness yet. I’ll still be here for the next month.”

“I’ll take my time in saying goodbye then,” he says, his genuine smile serving as the comfort you badly need. “And I hope it’s not for good.”

“Not to you,” you assure him. “I’m not that easy to get rid of.”

“Good,” he says, his eyes softening in understanding and acceptance. “I’ll just meet with Jungkook. I’ll catch up with you soon, okay?”

“Okay,” you say. “And uh, thank you.” 

Your smile holds in it a lot of emotions for the man who’s become your friend all these years. And you know that whatever happens with Jungkook, Hoseok will always be a person you’ll treasure.

You walk out while he enters the room and closes the door. 

Jungkook’s eyebrows are scrunched as he gives instructions over the phone while also typing on his desktop. Hoseok can sense the stress and tension all over his cousin, and he hopes that especially with this, the younger man finds it in him to talk about what he’s feeling. There’s fear that he’ll keep it all to himself again, and in doing so, he might just push you away even more.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” Hoseok asks after the call ends.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Jungkook huffs.

There’s a beat of silence before Hoseok speaks again. “So, you already have a replacement for ___, huh?” He says, having just heard Jungkook’s conversation about Lucas’ work visa requirements over the phone. “Isn’t that too fast?”

“The Arts Center launch is in a couple of weeks. I can’t have delays,” Jungkook explains. “Sending Lucas here will require less time than looking for a new assistant. He’s familiar with the project and he’s used to working for me so he can take over with the preparations. I’ve received father’s approval for his transfer.”

“What about ___, then?”

“What about her?” Jungkook asks bitterly. “She’s resigned. I’ll have her focus on turning everything over and documenting key projects and practices. She has vacation leaves to use up for the last month she’s here.”

“Just like that?” Hoseok questions. “She resigns today and then you’ve gotten everything sorted out for her departure, just like that? As if you can’t wait for her to leave?”

“She wanted this,” Jungkook counters. “You heard what Mr. Ri said. She’s been wanting to do this for years, and I’m just making sure she’s not bothered by what she’s leaving behind. Having Lucas here will assure her that the team will continue to function and that she’s not delaying anything by deciding to leave. She doesn’t have to worry about anything.”

And it’s the truth. Hearing what you went through and that you’d thought of resigning several times before makes Jungkook think that you haven’t been happy here for a long while. He’s unsure if you’d always planned on leaving before the Arts Center launch, or if what happened last Friday prompted you to do this now. But still, it seemed so easy for you to make the decision, as if you can’t wait to leave him, as if being around him hurts you that much, as if you know that whatever it is you’re looking for isn’t here. 

Jungkook spent all of last weekend replaying that night in his mind - from the way you pulled him close to you and to the way his heart broke when you pulled away. He doesn’t know what you want from him. You kissed him as if you wanted him. He felt your desire as your hands danced around his chest, as you moaned against his lips, as you thrusted against him like you wanted more, and he would’ve given it all to you, he would’ve given you everything, but the words he’d never told anyone slipped from his mouth and somehow, that’s what made you create that distance. 

Perhaps it’s what made you not want to stay. 

But he wouldn’t have known because he didn’t ask. At the thought of you no longer being by his side, he faltered. At the thought of losing the routine you’ve both created and the comfort you’ve been giving him everyday, he caved in. He lost all sense and just wanted to keep you. He’d disregarded every rule, crossed every boundary he created, and thought of nothing else but to be with you. He made the mistake of not thinking about you, the person he wants. 

He naively believed that your expression of desire meant that nothing else mattered - you’d be with him regardless. But he realized that maybe he doesn’t know you at all. He would’ve risked everything but maybe you wouldn’t. You make him happy and that’s all he cares about but maybe he’s not enough for you. He’d do anything to be with you everyday but maybe that’s not what you want. 

The thought that that moment made you realize that maybe, he’s not what you wanted after all creates another crack in his heart. That cold, stubborn heart of his hasn’t felt much in years but it betrayed him this time. It called out for you and he’s afraid to find out that it still will, after everything. 

“Have you spoken to her?” Hoseok pulls him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies. “I gave her my recommendation letter, told her about Lucas replacing her, and that she still has leaves to take.”

“I meant about both of you,” Hoseok clarifies. “About what you both feel, about what that means and what happens after that.”

“What is there to talk about?” Jungkook groans. “She left me that night. I come here today with a resignation letter on my desk. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you,” Hoseok says. 

“It doesn’t mean she does,” Jungkook counters. “Clearly, her happiness outside of this company is her priority. And it should be. She doesn’t have a reason to stay here anymore.”

“And what if that happiness could include you? Did you even think about that?”

“Then she could’ve said that if she wanted to. It was her decision, it was her call.”

“You think it’s that easy to say that? Then why don’t you go ahead and tell her what you feel and want?”

“I did!” Jungkook almost yells now, thankful for the thick walls of this room. “And she pulled away! She said she couldn’t do this, that she couldn’t do this with me. That tells me everything I need to know, Hoseok. Whatever she feels for me isn’t that strong. I was stupid to believe an overheard conversation. I heard that she liked me and I thought, all I had to do was tell her that I felt the same way. But it wasn’t enough. I asked her to stay and she said she couldn’t. I don’t matter to her. Not in the way that she matters to me.”

“Why did she cry, then?” Hoseok asks. “Did you notice that?”

Of course Jungkook did. He’s seen you cry a few times, a sight he never wants to see again, and seeing your puffy eyes earlier made him want to just forget everything and hug you so he could help make the hurt go away. It’s something he’s wanted to do before and there’s a reason why he never did. Today, he knew that doing so would make it harder for him. So all he could do was look away.

“She wouldn’t be that upset if all this didn’t matter to her. If you didn’t matter that much to her,” Hoseok adds.

“This job mattered to her, too. You and I know how she works. Maybe there’s guilt or worry that she’s leaving at this critical time, which is why I’m trying to make the transition easy,” Jungkook reasons. “She’s leaving a lot of things and people behind and that could be hard for anyone. She’s crucial to the team but I don’t want there to be anything else that would hold her back. Not anymore.”

“But all these arrangements… it’s as if it’s so easy to replace her,” Hoseok sighs. “Are you even giving yourself time to just process all of this?”

“And then what? Give myself time to realize again that I can’t do this without her? I already know that I can’t, I can’t replace her, not in any way but I…” Jungkook heaves. “I can’t give in to those feelings and end up asking her to reconsider her decision. She has a life to live outside of this but this is mine. I have a project to launch, a name to uphold…”

A broken heart to live with, he doesn’t say. 

“I don’t know what else to do but this,” he adds, his head bowing down as he pinches the corners of his eyes. He’s just trying to deal with losing you in more than one way, and trying to maintain whatever professionalism he has left after everything.

Hoseok sighs as he watches his cousin stop himself from falling apart. It’s true that everything feels so sudden. Perhaps for you, the best decision you could make after what happened last Friday is to leave and he wouldn’t fault you for that, especially after what you gave up to be here. And maybe Jungkook is just trying to deal with that pain of losing you as his assistant and the possibility of more in the way that he knows how - distance, detachment. It’s how the younger man has always chosen to deal with things he can’t control, and as someone who’s seen him try to move on from his own past, it’s hard for Hoseok to stand by and watch Jungkook hurt this way when he knows that you care about him, too. 

It wasn’t always obvious, but at one point, Hoseok started to notice things; he just never questioned them. You were always competent. When you were his assistant, you paid attention to every detail and made sure that he was always at his best. But this past year, Hoseok had seen you pay attention to Jungkook in a more meaningful way. He’d seen you care for the younger man, showed him kindness that no one’s bothered to do before. And that’s done so much for him as he learned to open himself up, to allow himself to feel a different kind of vulnerability, to feel like he could be himself again, and that he’ll be accepted for all the scared and flawed parts of him. 

All Hoseok can do is at least help his cousin be honest about what he feels and help him not lose you completely. But much as he wants to figure this out with Jungkook, life continues, and right now, there are some executive decisions both men have to make. So he redirects the conversation, and it’s half an hour later when they come up with a policy statement that they send to CEO Jeon as instructed. 

That’s at least one other important thing that Jungkook can tick off his list. He’s determined to just focus on all work matters for today, hoping that would keep his mind off of you. 

But that’s impossible when you still have a role to play in his life, as you enter his room after Hoseok exits, avoiding the older man’s worried gaze. You glance at Jungkook just once, placing a folder of documents on his desk for his signature. 

He’s past the second of a dozen pages when he speaks, his eyes glued to the papers, not wanting to look at your face.

“I intend on telling the team about your resignation during tomorrow’s meeting,” he says. “I’ll release the company-wide announcement on Wednesday, followed by an email to other partners and contacts. The Arts Center launch is happening in a few weeks and we can’t have delays, so I’ll be endorsing Lucas soon after.”

“I understand, Mr. Jeon,” you say, trying to stabilize your voice. “If you need me to draft anything—”

“There’s no need, I will do that.”

“That’s noted, sir.”

You remain standing in front of him, watching him go through each page and feeling like you could burst any moment. Somehow he seems like that man you met almost a year ago - focused yet detached, close but so far away. 

“You’re also no longer required to come to my apartment every morning,” he continues. “I’ll only need you to come on Thursday so you could give Lucas your access and brief him about the building and where things are. Mr. Ri could still drive you to work until your last day.”

“That service was extended to me for the purpose of assisting you every morning, Mr. Jeon,” you say, your voice sounding firm this time. “That is no longer necessary.”

You see him stop his movements for a second before he resumes and nods in acknowledgment of your statement. 

As you watch him sign the last few pages, you allow yourself a brief moment to wish that you’d just left much sooner, during a time when he wasn’t around so you didn’t have to feel this agonizing pain of him slowly slipping away. Everytime you remind yourself that you made this decision, you’re pulled back by the thought that leaving didn’t have to mean that you’d lose him completely. 

But with the way he acts now, with how he’s distancing himself from you and everything you shared, you’re starting to think that maybe he’s decided on this, too - that this is goodbye and that there’s nothing for both of you after this. It’s a hard pill to swallow but one you suppose you should - this was your call and you didn’t give him a choice in the matter. Perhaps this is his way of dealing with your departure as well. That’s something you can’t fault him for doing. 

That leaves you with no choice but to deal with the pain, too. You don’t know exactly how. You’ve never really gone through this before. All your breakups didn’t hurt like this, probably because you knew from the beginning that they would end anyway, that you wouldn’t care more than you planned. 

But Jungkook is different. You didn’t expect him to be the one you’d care for, that you’d yearn for, that you’d want with all of you. But you watch on as he slips right through your fingers, and whatever hope you had of finding your way back to him in the future withers away. This is how you lose him, and you’ll try hard to keep only the good memories with you. 

He finishes signing the papers then he hands them over to you, his eyes only briefly meeting yours. He turns towards his desktop but he speaks again.

“HR requires me to have an exit interview with you,” he says. “But due to our personal circumstances, I don’t think that’s appropriate. I’ve asked Hoseok to conduct it instead. You may just schedule it with him within the next week. You’ll also be provided with a list of all the things you need to submit for your clearance. Just let me know what you need from me and I’ll work on it right away.”

It takes a while for you to respond, as you notice him slowly look your way. 

“Understood, sir,” you manage to say, so softly like a breath, even you could barely hear yourself. 

But the words come out, almost emotionless now as you just take in all his instructions. You gave him your letter only a few hours ago and now he’s got everything organized for your departure, almost as if he wants the complication, that is you, dealt with immediately. 

You’ve disrupted his routine and messed up a lot of his plans. He’s always said he hates change, and you’ve caused one of the biggest ones he’s ever had to deal with. You don’t blame him for not wanting to do anything with you anymore. 

You nod and head out, knowing that you’re slowly losing your place in his life, even as his assistant. He doesn’t call for you the rest of the day, even for coffee. You’re tempted to knock on his door and ask if there’s anything else he needs for you to do before you clock out, but you decide against it, slowly feeling like you’re no longer welcome. 

You mindlessly walk out the building and down the street, feeling the weight of everything drag you down. You’d thought that finally doing this would make you feel liberated, like you’d be relieved of your burdens and even of a secret that you no longer have to keep. But as the minutes pass by, everything is just getting heavier and heavier. Your heart doesn’t loosen up, either. 

And as you stare at the barely eaten sujebi from your favorite noodle house and the piece of choco pie that you bought from the convenience store that you now have no appetite to eat, you feel yourself falling apart. You don’t know what you were expecting but it wasn’t this. You hated doubting Jungkook’s sincerity about what he felt but now you’re faced with his seeming apathy. It makes you wonder once more if he really felt anything for you, or if he just mistook his practical need for you as something more.

Maybe you’ll never know. At this point, he’s just your boss who’s running a company and preparing to launch the biggest project of his life. All you can do is respect that and support him the best way you know how. If it’s distance he wants, then it’s what you’ll give. You suppose it’s the most you could do for him after making the decision to walk away. 

Sitting in the meeting room the next day with the management support team chatting around you is a little unnerving. You try to engage with them and put on a smile that doesn’t feel real. The nervousness and guilt slowly creep in, especially when Jungkook arrives and orders for the meeting to begin. 

“Before we start, I’d just like to make an important announcement,” he says, quieting everyone down as he sounds serious. “Ms. Cho has tendered her resignation and will be leaving the company in a month. I wanted to tell the team immediately so we could all work on the necessary adjustments. Lucas, my assistant during my time in Singapore, will be replacing her. I made this decision with the approval of the CEO to ensure a smooth transition. His first day will be on Thursday.”

In the silence, you look up, afraid of how the team is taking it. Manager Lee and Chin-sun have a mix of sadness and acceptance on their faces. Yohan has his head bowed down. And Do-hyun sits there, silently crying. 

“Do you… do you not like us anymore?” She mumbles through her sniffles. 

“Of course I do,” you say, your eyes softening. “It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it?” She asks. “Why… why are you leaving us? Why are you leaving Mr. Jeon?”

“I…” you start, looking at him for approval, and he nods as if to say that you’re free to say whatever you want to say. “I’ve been here for a while. This job is all I know and the years just flew right by. I feel like a new environment and a change of pace would do me good.”

Chin-sun turns to you, her look of understanding giving you the comfort that you need. She told you once that you deserve to live a life outside of work, that you need to find yourself and what makes you happy, and that she knows what that could mean. You’ve always looked up to her and how she’s handled everything in her life with such grace, and seeing her give you that nod of encouragement tells you that she gets it, and that despite the doubt that’s slowly crept in, she’s that hand on your shoulder, saying that you’re doing the right thing. 

“Do you have to go this soon?” Do-hyun asks, her voice so unusually soft that it makes you feel like crying, too.

“I had initially planned on resigning after the Arts Center launch,” you say, the words hitting Jungkook as you see the way he clenches his jaw. “But the company I’ll be moving to requested for my start to be in two months. It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up on, so I decided to leave early.”

It’s not a complete lie. You had emailed Namjoon last night and inquired if the production officer position is still open. He responded right away to say that it is, and that he’s been hoping for you to officially apply, so you did. He insisted that based on your resume and your mindset and approach to work that he’s picked up from your conversations, the role is meant to be yours. He scheduled an interview in the next two weeks during your forced leave - for formalities’ sake, he told you - and you can start next quarter.

“I’m just… I’m just really sorry that I’m leaving in the midst of all the preparations,” you add, your nails sinking in your skin once more as you try to deal with guilt. “Things just happened so fast and I had to make decisions right away.”

“We’re gonna be okay,” Chin-sun assures you now. “You and Mr. Jeon trained us well. You, especially. We’ve been working together for over four years and I may have been in this longer but I’ve learned so much from you, ___. This breaks my heart more than you know but I’m proud of you, and I’m happy for you. I can at least say on behalf of the team that we don’t want this decision to burden you. You’ve held the fort for everyone for so long, you deserve to pursue whatever makes you happy.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling the words getting caught in your throat as you try to keep yourself from breaking down. 

Chin-sun isn’t always this sentimental, so you know it means just as much to her that she’s able to say these things to you.

“I agree with her,” Manager Lee says. “It’s gonna be different and definitely hard but the team will manage. You’ve given this company so much, and I know that wherever you’ll go, they’ll be so lucky to have you. Just… just don’t forget about us, okay?”

“Never,” you assure the team this time. 

“Remember when I was being stubborn and didn’t want to go to the hospital when I was sick?” Yohan speaks up, looking at you now with glassy eyes. “You took half the day off so you could drag me there and then visited me everyday after work when I was confined for a week. The doctor said things would’ve been worse if I’d gone there even just a day late.”

You remember that incident clearly. It was the month before Jungkook arrived. The entire team was busy preparing everything but you noticed that Yohan looked unwell, and you insisted on taking him to the hospital so he could get checked and you’re glad you did. You can’t imagine how things would’ve turned out if you hadn’t.

“I was trying hard to keep it in because I didn’t want to be a burden,” he continues. “But you noticed, you always do. And I’ll always be thankful. Chin-sun may be my wise auntie but you’re my ever dependable older sister and I’ll miss you so much. No one can calm me down the way you do, and no one will tell me and Do-hyun off when we’re being whiney or ungrateful. I just hope that whatever you do brings you all the peace and happiness you deserve.”

At his words, Do-hyun sobs. Covering her face, she mumbles onto her palms, muffling her words that you can’t understand. She briefly looks up at you, pouting as she catches her breath, and then she cries again. Even when she’s being emotional, her child-like way of showing it is every bit endearing. 

You remember the first time you met her, a brilliant fresh graduate with so much passion and energy. She was a little too bubbly for you at the beginning. She was always curious and lacked filter most of the time. But you got to know her genuine heart, one that often sought you, that wanted to get your approval, that hoped you’d return the affection she always gave you. She was like that bratty little sister that you enjoyed looking after, and seeing her be affected this way is affecting you more than you expected. You can’t make out what she’s saying, but you’re pretty sure that they’d make you cry either way. 

And that’s what you’re trying hard not to do, as you bite your lips to stop them from shaking, hoping you won’t break down in front of them, especially in front of Jungkook.

Chin-sun comforts Do-hyun who’s calming down a bit now. Manager Lee and Yohan wipe their eyes. It’s a little too quiet, and you know they’re waiting for you to say something, too. Wanting to return their honesty, you start, trying to find the words that would capture everything you feel.

“You all know how much of myself I give to this job,” you start, your lips trembling as you try to get it together. “And from the beginning, I thought I would just come to work, do what I have to do, go home, and do it all over again. It’s the corporate world and we’re just trying to survive. You were all supposed to be just colleagues, people I had to just tolerate but that’s clearly not what happened. Without meaning to, you’ve all become such a big part of my life, more than I can ever express.”

You glance at Jungkook, hoping that he knows it includes him, but you see him clench his jaw and look away, and at this point, you don’t expect him to believe anything else you say, no matter how much you mean them. 

“I know I’ve never been good at accepting and especially returning your affection,” you continue. “I’ve missed out on a lot of post-work dinners and weekend get-togethers. I’ve just, uh, I’ve just never been good at mixing work with my personal life. But even then, you never took it against me. You keep up with all versions of me, you encourage me when things get hard, and you never fail to let me know that I’m doing a good job. And that’s done so much for me more than you know.”

You take in deep breaths as you feel your tears dance around your eyes, and you blink to let them fall then quickly wipe them away.  

“We’ve gone through so much together and I’ll always treasure all those moments and everything we shared,” you manage to say. “Leaving doesn’t change anything. At least, I hope it doesn’t.”

“Not to us,” Chin-sun assures you. “You’ll always be a part of this team.”

You mirror her smile, hoping your gratitude gets across.

The clearing of throat catches everyone’s attention, and you turn to Jungkook, remembering that you’re all gathered today for a meeting, and not some sentimental goodbye that’s turned into a cry-fest. You doubt he’d want to be around for this, so you apologize and say that he can continue on with the agenda.

“It slipped my mind that I have a call with one of the artists that Mr. Saito introduced me to,” Jungkook answers, looking at his phone then turning back to the team. “It’s in 10 minutes. We can resume tomorrow morning. It’s close to lunch anyway so you can all have your break.”

The whole team nods in acknowledgement. Except for you. He doesn’t have any scheduled calls today, as he was adamant on having this meeting done as soon as possible. He would have remembered if that call was that important and if it wasn’t, you know he wouldn’t have rescheduled this because making all the arrangements for your departure seems to be his top priority. 

You suspend the thought, knowing that dwelling on how much he’s distancing himself from you will take away from the moment you shared with your team. Right now, they’re who matter. Jungkook had always insisted he wasn’t part of it, and you always disagreed. But with him stepping away, maybe he’s right.

He steps out, and with him no longer in the room, Do-hyun takes the opportunity to hug you. It’s not something you always return but today, it’s everything you need, as her warmth gives you the comfort you’ve been badly craving since last Friday. All you had was your pillow and that didn’t really do much. With Do-hyun wrapping you in her arms, you’re able to breathe, and she holds you tightly as you silently cry, as if she knows just how much it means to you to have a shoulder to cry on this time. 

“Yah! Don’t cry,” she says in that mocking tone to tease you when you pull away. 

Everyone laughs and you shake your head in embarrassment. “I didn’t expect to cry this much.”

“Chin-sun started it,” Yohan says, earning him a nudge and a playful glare. 

“I just knew it mattered that you knew that it was okay,” she says, prompting you to look at her. “We may be crying and going on about missing you and things not being the same but… what you leave behind doesn’t make your decision any less valid, or even wrong. Only you would know what doing this could do for you, and there’s absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

You mumble your thanks again, feeling a bit of weight off your shoulders with the assurance that the team will be alright without you. 

Outside, Jungkook looks on as everyone gathers around you, hugging you and wiping your tears, something he held himself back from doing. 

There’s no call to be had. He’d intended for today’s meeting to be about discussing the plans moving forward, the added responsibilities that each member would have as Lucas adjusts, and how they could help in his transition. Jungkook didn’t expect for it to turn out the way it did, with each person expressing their gratitude to you, comforting you, and sharing stories that show just how much you matter to them. 

This is who you are - someone loved by the people around her, despite the distance she keeps. There’s just always been this warmth about you that’s reflected in your ability to notice things, in your stubbornness, and in the way that you make every person feel cared for. It’s something he always admired about you. It’s also what he likes the most about you, and for all that you are, all that warmth and comfort that you deserve aren’t things he can give. Not when he’s trying to keep his own distance, not when he’s trying to keep himself together, and not when he’s trying not to hold you back any more than he already did. 

In a way, he’s glad that the team was able to express themselves to you. He likes to think that their words at least relieved you of whatever guilt you were feeling about leaving, something he’s also unable to do. They were able to assure you that they understand and only wish for your happiness. On his end, he’s ensuring that you don’t have to worry about all the work you’ll leave behind. It’s his way of telling you that it’s okay.

Jungkook steps away when he hears you start to pack up. He walks back to his room and hears the team’s plans of grabbing lunch at the dining hall then eating it at the floor’s outdoor space. Do-hyun tells you to ask him to join everyone, and Jungkook hates that he’d have to turn the invitation down. He does so by pretending to still be on a call when you peek into his room, and at this point, he’s unable to read your face. 

He can’t think that you were hoping he’d join you, as he can’t feed the illusion that you still want him after everything. He’ll just believe that it was relief he saw in your eyes and that just like him, you’re creating distance because that makes it easier for both of you. 

But the truth is, it doesn’t, as an hour goes by and he spends it zoning out in the midst of sending emails and coordinating with Lucas about his move. Jungkook catches sight of you from his window, seated with your chair turned around, facing the shelves. He’d seen you do that a few times - in the midst of a busy day, or that very first time after he’d gotten mad at you. He wonders what it’s about now. 

Maybe it’s your decision still weighing heavy on you, or that you still have so much to do for turnover. Whatever it is, Jungkook fights the urge to go out there and ask you, to tell you that you could take a break if it’ll help. Or to hug you if that’s what you need. 

At this moment, he lets himself wish that the world would just suspend for a while and he could do all that without any consequences. He wishes you’re both in some alternative universe where you’re still you and he’s still him but without the baggage, without the secrets, without the intertwined past. He wishes he could just be with you without any of the burden nor the doubts, and you could just go on and be honest with what you both want, and feel what you feel with no reservations, and that all that would be enough. 

There’s so much he wants to do for you but he can’t let himself be weak this time. You made your decision and he won’t hold you back. What he’ll do is try to make things easy for you, although the sullenness in your eyes - that he briefly sees when you turn around to face your desk - tells him that it doesn’t seem like it’s working. 

But detachment is all he knows when it comes to things he can’t control. He can’t control you with the decision you made. He can't control how he’s taking it. And even after all that, he still can’t control the way he feels or the way his heart breaks seeing you like this.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

You look up from your desktop to a pair of questioning eyes, and you fumble for your tea and ask why he’s asking.

“Just curious,” Yoongi shrugs. “Jungkook’s been cross-copying Lucas in some of our emails and I don’t recall that ever happening before.”

You glance at your screen, seeing the messages that have the said man now looped in, all just today. 

“Uh, yeah. Jungkook’s including him in the communications already,” you answer. “I… I tendered my resignation yesterday, Yoongi. I leave in a month.”

You knew that Yoongi would always be supportive. So many times before, he’d asked you how you imagined your life to be and what you were going to do once you thought your time in the company was over. He’d talked about his own plans, too, like opening up his own architectural firm in Daegu because that was always going to be his home. You knew that when the time came, he’d be proud of you because it would be your decision, and the look on his face right now tells you that he is. 

“You finally did it,” he smiles. “How does it feel?”

“A lot of things,” you sigh, not wanting to give too much away. Not here at least. “There’s just a lot to think about. Maybe when I take one of my remaining leaves, it’ll finally sink in.”

“And how’s Jungkook taking it?”

You’re about to answer, trying to formulate in your head how you can explain how Jungkook has been. But it’s that moment when said man opens his door with papers in hand, his eyes flitting from Yoongi to you. You ask him if there’s anything he needs but he shakes his head and says he can handle it before closing the door. You stare at it for a while, hoping he’d come back out and say that he does need you to do something, but he doesn’t. 

“I guess not well,” Yoongi points out, prompting you to return your gaze to him. 

“He is, actually,” you counter. “He accepted my resignation with no questions asked, gave me a recommendation letter, organized everything for my replacement, told me to take my remaining leaves… he hasn’t given me more workload than I expected. He just wants me to focus on turning things over.”

“And that’s ‘taking it well’ for you?” Yoongi cocks an eyebrow. 

“Well, he hates change. The last time that happened and he got shipped to Seoul but couldn’t bring his old assistant with him, he acted out. We both know how that went,” you say. “And now I’m causing another big change. We had a routine going. The Arts Center opens in less than two months. And then I decided to leave. He could be letting out his anger and frustration on me but he isn’t.”

“Hmm,” Yoongi hums. 

After knowing you for 10 years, he’s come to realize that you have your ways of coping with things. So does Jungkook. 

“I think I know what he’s doing,” he continues, earning him a questioning look from you. “He’s distancing himself. How else does he deal with anything that hurts or terrifies him? He’s losing you, ___. Even just from a professional standpoint, that’s a lot for him. On a personal level, even more.”

You look away, not wanting to think about the implications of Yoongi’s last statement. He picks it up, knowing that it’s probably hard for you to talk about right now.

“You may not agree, but you’re important to him,” he adds. “If you think this is easy for him, I’m telling you now that it isn’t. You know him. He’s… he’s not good at expressing how he feels. He just shuts everyone out. It’s his default. Even if the person he’s pushing away is probably the one he needs the most.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” you sigh.

You relate with Yoongi’s statement though. You pushed Jungkook away when all you wanted was to have him close. You decided to leave the company even though you hoped you could be with him. You may mean a lot to each other but it also doesn’t mean it’s enough. 

“Is it really?” He questions.

When you really think about it, it shouldn’t. Jungkook likes you. You like him. For two people who are used to being on their own, finding comfort and strength in each other and then wanting that to last is simple. But how you both got here isn’t. You kept a secret from him that may have tainted his trust in you. He pursued you in a way that made you doubt his sincerity. You’re unsure how both of you could navigate all that, especially given the way you are.

Your silence prompts Yoongi to say that you don’t have to tell him anything, but that he’s there should you need anyone to talk to. He leaves, and suddenly, the silence is too loud. 

The rest of the afternoon feels too long, with time ticking by so slowly. You always liked how your desk was separated from everyone else, as it gives you the peace and quiet you need to focus on your tasks. You’re also accessible to the VP, which makes everything easier and more efficient. But now, you hate it. There’s no sound but your thoughts ringing at you that you hear. And there’s no Jungkook calling for you to give you things to do. 

Not speaking to him nor seeing him makes your day incomplete. You used to enjoy your shared moments, like when you’d enter his room with his cup of coffee and you’d remind him to take a break. All those times when you’d make him sign documents, with him groaning at something he’s frustrated about and then telling you what you can do after you ask if you can help him with something. Those instances where he’d look through portfolios on your shelf and do small talk with you, and those times you thought he just needed a break or a friendly smile or a hum of encouragement.

It’s only been the second day but there’s none of those now, and you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.  You let yourself be selfish for once by resigning. But you feel even more selfish by wishing he didn’t act so unaffected, that he’d still ask for you after what you’re putting him through.  

You clock out at 6, initially considering letting Jungkook know but then deciding against it, knowing that his nonchalance will just cause a crack in your heart. The rest of your evening feels lonely even with your variety TV show on, so does your commute to work the next morning that you now have to get used to. It didn’t feel right to still have Mr. Ri drive for you, even though he messaged and insisted that he still could.

It’s Wednesday, and there’s something about the middle of the week that makes you feel uneasy - the week is halfway done; it feels like it flew by but it also can’t end fast enough. There are documents on your desk for review and some emails that you need to get to, but Mrs. Myung calling to say that CEO Jeon wants to see you is what does your head in. You suppose he’d want to speak with you at one point; you just weren’t prepared for it to be today.

The CEO’s office is like a personal museum, with photos and blueprints framed on the walls and miniature replicas of some of the company’s earliest infrastructure being displayed in the large room. The view of the city is stunning from all angles, and you can only imagine how much creativity it inspires. You’re still unsure how he thinks about you, but you bow shyly once he greets you and you take your seat when he asks you to.

“Jungkook said he’ll be announcing your resignation today,” the man says. “It seems that he has everything organized already and ready for your departure.”

“He has, Mr. Jeon,” you confirm. “I feel quite bad that I’m not helping him with the arrangements. He, uh, he seems to have wanted to handle all of it all on his own.”

“Well, he’s pressed for time. He had to make quick decisions with the Arts Center opening in a few weeks.”

“I… I apologize for leaving at such a critical time,” you say, bowing your head in shame once more. “I—”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he shakes his head. “You made a decision that was best for you. I guess I was just in denial that you’d do it so soon, or at least before the Center is revealed. You’ve worked hard on that, too. I’m sure it’s difficult for you to let that go as well.”

You look up and see the gentleness in his eyes, the same ones that looked at you the first time you met him - in this room, over 20 years ago. He was a stranger to you, but he was kind. There wasn’t much you remember from that day nor that period, but you’ll always remember the soft way he greeted you and introduced himself. 

You look back at the years after that. He didn’t reach out much but you still felt him looking out for you and your mom. When you entered the company as an intern, he had that look of recognition, and then of pride. 

Working here all these years, you’ve seen him be the critical, perfectionist, and passionate man that he is. People stopped what they were doing when he entered the room, they listened when he spoke, he commanded fear and respect, but you’ve seen his moments of tenderness and empathy, too. This is a man who commits himself to everything he does, something his son took after him. It’s probably why with his years of experience, he knows that for you, walking away from the project you poured your soul into is just as hard.

“It’s a sad parting, I would say. But I know it will turn out just as beautiful as your son had hoped. He really put his everything into that and I’m glad I got to see it almost completed,” you say, having visited the site not long ago. “Though I’ll no longer be here when the rest of the world sees it, I know it’ll give him that satisfaction and pride that he managed to bring to life all that he envisioned.”

“I don’t know about satisfaction and pride if you’re not around,” Mr. Jeon hums. “You’re leaving a big hole in his life, ___. And I don’t mean that just professionally.”

You turn away, unsure if you’re ready to address your feelings for Jungkook in front of his father. 

“Looking back now, I was being selfish to you all these years,” he continues. “You had a hard time when you first started and that all happened under my watch. I encouraged you to apply for that EA position because I knew that Hoseok would choose you by your own merit, and he would treat you well. He would train and mentor you and I selfishly hoped that my family would be redeemed in your eyes. And Jungkook… he… he reminded me of myself when I was younger. And you had the spirit of your mother,” he adds, his eyes softening at the mention of her. “You had her heart and I hoped… I hoped that whatever gentleness you’d show my son would allow him to heal a little. It was unfair of me to give you that responsibility, especially given how he treated you at the beginning. I’m so sorry, ___. I feel like I was holding you back and I never intended that.”

“Please don’t apologize, Mr. Jeon,” you insist, your eyes blurring a little with his honesty. “I still made the decision to stay every time. Even when it was hard. I… I wanted to show my gratitude to your family for what you’ve done for us. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay you back.”

“None of that,” he shakes his head. “It wasn’t just about absolving myself of the guilt for what your mom had to go through because of me, which was bad enough in the first place. But I… I knew it was the only way I could thank her, that I could apologize. If there was a way I could help both of you rebuild your lives, I would.”

“And you did,” you assure him. “We were safe. We made good memories in Busan. We now have a good home back in Daegu. I got to study and build myself and experience all these things. And I… I got to meet your son. And I got to see his heart. And I’ll always keep that with me, regardless of how things turned out.”

“Does this mean that you and him aren’t… uh—”

“It was unprofessional to cross the line, Mr. Jeon,” you bow your head. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

“I’m not angry. I guess I should’ve expected it. I’d accept my wife calling me a matchmaker if only it was true,” he laughs dryly. “Jungkook cares about you. And I know that you care about him. You’ve resigned now. You’re… you’re free.”

“I didn’t decide to leave so I could be with him, sir. I mean, that wasn’t the primary intention,” you try to explain. “I… I always knew I would, but doing this soon is because I’m unsure how to continue with my role given what happened. I hope I’ve clarified that.”

“Is this it, then? Is this goodbye for you and him?”

“I… I still hope I’ll see him one day, perhaps when we’ve forgiven each other, when we’ve come to understand the decisions that we made, and once we’ve come to terms with them,” you say. “I’m unsure when that would be. But I hope I’ll have the chance to congratulate him and to tell him I’m happy for him.”

“Goodbyes aren’t always for good,” Mr. Jeon says. “I’d like to believe that we cross paths with people for a reason, that we lose them for a reason, and that we find them again for a reason.”

“That’s not such a bad thought,” you smile. “I suppose that every person I lost for good was for a reason. If I find my way back to Jungkook… it should be for a good reason, too.”

“Of course. And I also mean that for us,” he smiles back. “Please don’t become a stranger. You mean a lot to our family, ___. How your mother helped me and how you helped our son will not be forgotten. Thank you.”

“Likewise, sir. You and Mrs. Jeon have helped us so much. Even Mr. Ri. I… I owe a lot to him as well.”

“You should already know he has a soft spot for you. That man treats you like family.”

You smile to yourself, thinking of how Mr. Ri has looked out for you all these years. He sacrificed a lot, too, and that feeling of safety that he gave you and your mother changed everything for you, even if it took everything from him. But he never wavered, as he made sure to visit you regularly when you were growing up. You suppose he had to hold back once you started working for the company and especially for Jungkook, given the secret you both kept, but Mr. Ri has been showing that same care to you now that the truth is out. 

“Did… did you know about him and my mom?” You wonder. 

“I did,” Mr. Jeon nods. “It was hard not to. Byung-hun was always serious and expressionless but his eyes always softened whenever she was around. She’s why he even smiled. But… decisions had to be made. I’ll always be sorry for what could’ve been.”

“It’s a love that lives on, though,” you say. “He’s been such a big help to me these past few days.”

“That’s good. You can always count on him. He’ll do anything for you, you should know that. It’s how he keeps their memories alive.”

It’s a nice thought, as you let the older man’s words settle. Love may not always be returned but the beauty is in how it’s expressed, in that it’s received regardless, and that it’s remembered. 

You didn’t expect for the talk with CEO Jeon to be as emotional and uplifting as it was. You suppose that all these years, you both were just trying to make it up to each other, to compensate for something that was given and for something that was taken away. Maybe he needed this closure, too, for him to know that you’ve always forgiven him, and that after everything, you’re grateful for what his family has done for you.

Letting out a sigh of relief that at least he’s not angry at you, you return to your tasks. You organize some documents then enter Jungkook’s room to request his signature, immediately spotting some of those he’d already signed from yesterday. 

You avoid his eyes again, and you only hope he doesn’t see the sadness in yours when you hear the conversation he’s currently having.

“Is the apartment okay?” He says on the phone. 

It’s Lucas, you assume. He’s scheduled to arrive today and is probably settling down first. 

“Yeah, just take your time. But don’t forget to be at my penthouse tomorrow,” Jungkook continues. “Ms. Cho will be there to brief you. I’ll see you at 7:00.”

He puts the phone down and retrieves the folder with all the files you set on his desk while you review the ones he just signed. Moments like this used to be spent on friendly banter or some questions on his end, but there’s none of that now. There’s just the sound of the pen gliding on the sheet and the flipping of pages filling the tense-filled air in the room. He hands you back the folder and you’re forced to look at him to say your thanks.

“Please be at my apartment tomorrow at 7. Mr. Ri can take you there, I’m sure he’ll insist,” Jungkook says. 

“Yes. Mr. Jeon,” you reply, your eyes focused on his desk. 

“And prepare the conference room for the postponed team meeting. We start in 15 minutes.”

You confirm his instructions and quickly head out. You gather everyone - and receive another hug from Do-hyun that you hadn’t realized you’ve been needing so much - then proceed to the room as instructed. 

Emotions are managed this time, with no more tearful goodbyes and sentimental speeches unlike the day before. Jungkook gets straight to the point by laying out the plans for Lucas’ onboarding and the division of tasks for the Arts Center opening. You’re primarily assigned to handle the former, as you’ll be turning over all of your responsibilities to him, including all documents, schedules, and contacts. Your facilitative role for the major project is divided between the rest of the team, and as you add the growing list of deliverables and other things you’re in charge of, you’re reminded just how hard you’ve been working for this, too. 

CEO Jeon was right. You’re not just walking away from your job; you’re walking away from something that you’ve started to believe in and be passionate about yourself. In a way, Jungkook gave that to you, and you’ll always be grateful that he let you be a part of it. 

The melancholic feeling stays with you for the rest of the day. You find yourself lingering on people and things and moments, as if capturing them so you can keep them in your memory. 

You do that, too, during lunchtime with the team as you laugh at the stories and incidents you recall that only all of you know. You do it while replying to the dozens of messages you receive after the announcement, with some of the other assistants calling you and expressing their sadness. You do it as well when you email Jungkook another memo he has asked you to draft. And then again when you peek through the window while he’s busy working on perhaps some other design, the image of him focused being etched in your mind until you sleep that night. 

You have to let go, you tell yourself; that was the point of resigning. You’re free, like what CEO Jeon said. While you never likened being in this company to a prison, there’s something liberating about stepping back from what you’ve known for years and realizing that you enjoyed it, too, that it gave you a certain kind of happiness and satisfaction, and a special feeling that only you could have.

Jungkook was someone who gave you all that as well, even if it was all fleeting. But then again, you don’t think anything really is. The things and people and emotions and moments you encounter all stay with you in one way or another. For that instance, you had them and they had you. Perhaps that’s the beauty of it - they may not stay but they will always linger. 

You enter the car the next morning with the scent of freshly baked pastry. Your eyes light up when you see the iced coffee, prompting Mr. Ri to let out a soft laugh and say that he picked them up on the way for you.

“Jungkook’s got a packed day so I doubt he’d have time for breakfast and I assumed that meant you, too,” he adds. 

“Not really,” you sigh. “He’s keeping me to just turnover duties for my last weeks here. I doubt I’d be that busy. But breakfast is good. I woke up late so I managed to only grab some fruits.”

“I think he just doesn’t want you to be stressed. Saying goodbye is hard enough.”

“I suppose… I guess I just hoped things would slow down a bit. But then again, I’m the one who abruptly resigned,” you say. “No one was afforded time to process things, including me.”

“It will sink in soon enough,” he hums. “Especially once you see how things change.”

“They have,” you whisper, the sullenness in your eyes letting the other man know just how much. “And I have no right to wish they didn’t, at least not this fast.”

“Oh, ___,” Mr. Ri turns to you with a sad smile. You can’t imagine him being the cold and stoic man that CEO Jeon had described, one who only softened when your mother was around. “You do. Standing by our decisions means that we accept whatever the consequences are, not that we can’t wish they were different. I’m pretty sure Jungkook feels that way, too. He’s dealing with you leaving, but it doesn’t mean he wishes you had to. And maybe… deep in your heart, you wished that not staying in the company didn’t have to mean not being with him.”

It’s a thought you’ve had for a long time, but one you don’t want to acknowledge. There’s a lot of things you’re still scared to face, including just how much you want him. You’re afraid to break, to want to take it all back, and to realize just how much you’re losing by letting all this go. 

And like the family he’s come to be, Mr. Ri reminds you that this pain you’re feeling is part of the process of finding the happiness you’ve been yearning for.

“Sometimes we have to lose things for something so much better,” he comforts. “‘Better’ could be a person or a state of mind. In your case, I think it’s discovering that kind of strength you didn’t know you had; it’s that freedom that you wouldn’t have otherwise felt even if you got together with Jungkook. For as long as you’re in the company, you’ll always feel burdened and that something’s missing at the same time. You always needed this. And I should’ve encouraged you to be braver a long time ago.”

“Then I wouldn’t have met him,” you say immediately, the thought breaking you, even if you tried to convince yourself it was better that you didn’t. “He and I have pasts that intertwine and if we never met then there… there would be nothing of him I’d carry, there’d be no trace of him in me.”

But you did meet. And now there’s Jungkook in you - in your bravery, in your strength, in your silence. He’s in your appreciation for art and design and love for disposable cameras and capturing good memories. You carry him with you, and the thought makes things hurt a little less. Maybe all that is why you got the courage to walk away in the first place. Maybe those could push you to find him again, too.

You’re deep in your head that you don’t realize you’re already at Jungkook’s building until Mr. Ri is calling your name. You exit, and right at the entrance, you see a well-dressed man with a bright yellow helmet on one hand and a scooter on the other, his smile brightening his whole face as he greets you. He’s Lucas, he says, and you’d almost forgotten the purpose of why you’re back here after almost a week. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Ms. Cho. Although I wish it were for happier reasons,” he says, his face softening. 

“It’s happy enough,” you smile. “You’re living abroad like you said you wanted to, and this is career advancement for you. They’re all good things.”

“I suppose so. Although I didn’t really get to prepare myself much. I’m quite nervous, if I’m being honest.”

You pass over your access cards to him and let him go through the building’s security process. It’s another way you’re letting go of Jungkook, you think, and there’s more of that melancholic feeling, as memories of all your mornings here fly through your mind. 

“You’ve been with Mr. Jeon longer than I have, Lucas. You know how he works,” you tell him. “Sure, there are added responsibilities as the Vice President’s EA but you’ll learn them through experience. You have the skills good enough to be his assistant in the first place. And he’s… he’s good at what he does. He’s good to people. Those should make things easier for you.”

“Hmm that’s true,” he replies, as you both head towards the elevator. “He seems a lot calmer than I’m used to. And more poised. And— I don’t know if I can say this but, more considerate, I suppose. He made sure everything was organized for my move. He checked on me when I arrived. He even got me a scooter because my old one was a bit rusty already.”

You smile to yourself. They’re simple things, and it makes you think that maybe Jungkook used to not show much care to his staff. Lucas doesn’t seem to hold resentment of any kind, so you suppose Jungkook just gave or did the bare minimum. If your relationship with him somehow influenced this kinder and perhaps softer version of him, then meeting you wasn’t so bad for him either.

Lucas rambles a little as he talks about being anxious working with all the bosses, and you wish there was a way that you could ease his worries. You understand it. You were in his shoes once, and you hope that your mentorship of him during this turnover period will be enough. 

“All that to say that I have large shoes to fill,” he adds. “And I just don’t want to disappoint him.”

“And you won’t,” you assure the younger man as you reach Jungkook’s floor. “You’re gonna be fine and the team is gonna support you. So will he, so you just do what you can and things will fall into place.”

Lucas sighs in relief and smiles. It’s the most you can do for now and you hope at least for today, it’s enough. 

You enter Jungkook’s apartment and a feeling of sadness rushes through you. Everything looks the same and it’s much too quiet than you’re used to. 

You tell Lucas what you normally do and he says that Jungkook’s doing away with breakfast.

“He knows I fast so we never really had meals in the morning,” Lucas says. “But it’s nice you got to prepare them for him. He was always too busy and didn’t realize he hadn't had anything to eat until past lunch time.”

You nod, realizing that you probably created that routine you both had. Jungkook used to just always go straight to business but at least with you, he was able to slow down a little and enjoy a meal. You’d come to like those moments, you smile to yourself. He felt a little more human to you then.

You go through Jungkook’s usual schedule and give Lucas a list of numbers to call, like his house cleaner and cook. There are other routines you share, and the young man starts to take note, as some of them are new due to Jungkook’s role. 

It’s not long after when the man himself shows up, walking into the kitchen donned in a dark blue suit. You reflexively take a step forward, ready to fix his crooked tie, but then you realize that this is one routine you’ve stopped doing for a while, so you put your hand down and bow to him in greeting. 

Jungkook just nods at you and then asks Lucas how the move was and if everything’s okay. The young man answers accordingly, with just enough information to not prolong the conversation. 

“It’s gonna be a hectic couple of weeks so it’s good you’ve settled in,” Jungkook says. “Have you gone through the building’s security process? Do you have access to my apartment now?”

“Yes, sir. Ms. Cho has briefed me about all of that,” Lucas says.

“Good,” Jungkook nods. “I’ll just grab my things and we can go. We’ll run through yesterday’s meeting and my schedule for the remainder of the week in the car.”

He walks towards his study to get his bag while you and Lucas stay behind.

“Aren’t you gonna fix his tie?” You whisper to the man next to you.

“Why, what’s wrong with it?” Lucas asks, turning to Jungkook and looks intently at his outfit.

“The knot is slightly to the right,” you point out.

Lucas takes a few seconds to answer before he nods in agreement. “I don’t really fix it but I could tell him.”

You’re all in the elevator and with Lucas looking a bit antsy, Jungkook asks him what’s wrong.

“Your… your tie is slightly to the right, sir,” Lucas says.

It prompts Jungkook to face the mirror, adjusting it himself numerous times until he figures it out. Turning around, with his eyes flitting to you, he asks, “is this alright?”

You nod, feeling the distance once again. 

Jungkook used to look at you in a way that always seemed to be more during this shared moment, with words and feelings unsaid, and you realize that so did you. It’s such a simple thing - fixing his suit, but it’s seconds where it’s all quiet and it’s just your breaths sharing space, your glances meeting, maybe your hearts beating a little too fast, a little too loud. 

But there’s none of that now. There’s just distance and it’ll get farther as time passes by, especially once all three of you make it to the car and you know, next to him is no longer the place you should be. You take the passenger seat, feeling unfamiliar when you hear his voice right behind you. 

Jungkook goes on about Lucas’ new role to include preparing his clothes for the week, which means styling him accordingly. It’s a task the younger man says makes him nervous, but Jungkook assures him.

“Just make sure the clothes match and that I don’t look ridiculous. And that, uh, my tie isn’t crooked.”

Lucas chuckles and says he’s up for the challenge before the conversation switches to the meetings today and tomorrow. Jungkook asks you questions and you fill in some other details. You’re not as on top of his schedule as you used to be, and he instructs that for the meetings after the turnover to Lucas, you’ll no longer be required to attend. You have leaves to take, Jungkook reminds you, and given that you’re set to start work elsewhere soon, having some time off would be good. 

“All noted, sir,” you say, and despite how you feel, you also agree. 

You arrive at the office and Lucas is promptly introduced to the team. He’s received well, as he’s able to match the young ones’ energy and you see the respect he has for the rest, including you. You already know he’s going to do well, and you make a mental note to tell Bitna and Mrs. Myung to look after him as well, the same thing you told Mr. Ri to do. 

While Lucas fixes his documents with HR, you decide to bring Jungkook a cup of coffee and some biscuits, unsure if he’s had any breakfast yet. He promptly looks up from his desk when you enter, nodding in acknowledgement when you place them on his desk. 

“Lucas is a fast learner and he’s good with people,” Jungkook says, surprising you, as you hadn’t expected him to start a conversation. “He just needs to work on being a leader and holding the team together. You’re… you’re very good at that. I know it’s a short time but I hope it’s something you could teach him.”

It takes a while for you to respond. Even if his tone is not the soft one you’ve gotten used to, his words still hold warmth in them - towards Lucas. And towards you. 

“I… I will, sir. And if it means anything, I think he’ll do well. He’s got good people looking out for him, including you.”

You want to return his kind words, but you also want to remind him that despite how you both started, he stood by your side and guided you. And that helped you be even more confident and capable in what you do. You hope it’s something you’re able to tell him, in a more truthful and vulnerable way he deserves, but there’s no place for that now. Yet the way he nods tells you that maybe he knows, and as you hold his gaze for a little longer than usual, you hope you’re also able to say a bit more. 

That you miss your mornings together. That days don’t feel the same without his soft laughter. That you’ve almost forgotten how his smile looks like. That there’s so much of him you want to keep even though you shouldn’t. That you hope he wishes, just like you, that you’d find your way back to him someday even if right now, you have to do this. 

The knock on the door signals that your shared moment has passed and you’re unsure if any of that reached him. Maybe not, as he turns away and just nods. 

Lucas enters, and you remind him of that building tour you said you’d give. He’s been to the office three times but only in the conference hall, so you decide to take him around before that meeting with the design department in an hour. Do-hyun will cover for both of you while you’re away, so Jungkook tells you to advise her that he won’t be taking any calls or visitors in the meantime. 

You nod, and Jungkook watches you walk out the door as he keeps himself steady like always, holding himself back from wanting you to stay a little longer, from asking how you’re doing, from taking you in his arms like he’s been wanting to do for days. 

It’s hard having to act like it doesn’t affect him, like it doesn’t break his heart seeing the sadness in your eyes with how he’s taking your departure. While that overheard conversation told him that you planned on leaving, he wasn’t ready for you to do it so soon. Perhaps he should’ve expected it - you both kissed and he went ahead and said the words he’d never said before, and that’s what caused you to push him away and decide that you didn’t want anything to do with him despite how you feel.

He doesn’t know if you ever planned on telling him the truth about who you are. He doesn’t know what your plans have always been and what they are now. He doesn’t know what you’re feeling and how you’re dealing with all these goodbyes. He supposes if he’d asked first, maybe things would have turned out differently, and you wouldn’t be leaving this way. Maybe he wouldn’t be hating himself for detaching so quickly and so certainly, as if he isn’t missing everything about you, as if he isn’t wishing that he could just hold you in his arms and have you stay there. 

It took everything in him not to fall apart when he saw your resignation letter. You’d been so certain and after what he learned, he didn’t want to hold you back anymore. He hoped you’d at least want to talk about what you felt, or perhaps assure him that leaving the company doesn’t mean leaving him for good. He kissed you and you kissed him back. And he can’t wrap his head around how you could do that and then so easily decide that being with him isn’t what you want.

It’s all too much, and the only thing he knows he could do for you is make the departure less difficult by making sure that you have nothing to worry about what you’re leaving behind. He made the executive decision to get Lucas, and it wasn’t hard getting his father’s approval this time around. Jungkook organized the whole move and all other turnover matters so that you wouldn’t be bothered by them. He recommended that you take your remaining leaves so you’d get some rest before you move on to your next job, wherever that is. He didn’t want you to be burdened by the extra tasks you have to do for him, including going to his apartment every morning. 

But disengaging with you, distancing himself… those are for his benefit. And for you, too, as he doesn’t want to linger and then be foolish by asking you to reconsider, or telling you that he still wants you, that he meant everything he said about what he feels, and that he wishes you’d assure him of your sincerity and tell him you want him just as much. Acting unaffected is the only way that he can maintain that sense of control, the one he lost when he decided to be honest with you and give in to his desires. 

He knows it’s not ideal but he doesn’t know how else to give you the freedom you deserve while wanting you next to him. A part of him holds onto the hope that you want that, too - to unburden yourself while being with him. He’d seen the sadness in your eyes these past days and he wants to think it’s because of the distance he’s creating, or because you miss him, too. He’s noticed your glances and lingering looks, he’d seen you stop yourself from fixing his tie this morning, and there’s a softness in your voice that’s different from how it usually is. 

But much as he has a lot to say, he also doesn’t know how to. He’s afraid that if he tries, you’ll push him away again, maybe further this time that he won’t know how to get you back. He’s afraid that you’ll look at him differently, that you’d think he doesn’t care about what you want, or that you’ll realize that it’s just not going to work. He doesn’t like what’s happening but he doesn’t think he’s ready for what would happen if he does anything else. 

So he stays where he is, close enough to see you, but not enough to feel your presence. Every second that he’s without you, he feels himself slipping away. He wants to give in but he knows he can’t, so he decides to do the only thing he knows - pull back, distance himself, disengage. 

He tells himself to just focus on the tasks at hand, that there are a lot more things that require his full attention, and it helps somehow. He presides over the meetings with the design team and then with marketing with few distractions. He sees you from his periphery taking minutes just as Lucas does, but Jungkook doesn’t comment on it. He just goes from one meeting to the next, one call to another one, and one email to a dozen more. 

The day is almost over before he knows it, as the knock on the door pulls him away from the budget report he’s reviewing. It’s a little disorienting seeing Lucas once it opens. That used to be you - asking if there’s anything else he needs before you head home. And Jungkook would often take a while to answer just to keep you a little longer before letting you go, even if he’s assured that he’ll see you again in the morning - in his kitchen preparing him a meal, the start of a routine that’s become the best part of his day. 

But it’s not you standing by his doorway now. And it won’t be you who’ll be in his penthouse in the morning. You won’t be asking if he got to rest well. You won’t be standing close to him as you fix his outfit, your eyes focused on the creases of his top while his eyes are focused on you. You won’t surprise him with fried rice or fancy-looking eggs on toast while you sneak glances at him to see if he enjoyed it, which he always does. You won’t be there to tease or bicker with him, and he won’t see your warm smile whenever he laughs or teases back.   

He doesn’t know how he survived the week without all of that. He knows he’ll have to learn how to get through everyday with that big, empty space you’re leaving. And he’s terrified that he’ll get used to it; the last thing he wants is to forget how it felt when you were still around. 

“Mr. Jeon?” Lucas calls out again, pulling Jungkook out of his thoughts. “I’m heading home. What time did you want me to be at your penthouse tomorrow morning?”

It’s silly but Jungkook feels protective of his mornings with you. If he’ll no longer have it, then he’ll just live in the memory by himself. So he tells Lucas to be at his place at 7:30 AM, right before they leave. 

“Understood, sir. I’ll see you then.”

Jungkook bids him goodbye and returns to his task, but he’s too distracted by the silence so he decides to go home. He enters the car, feeling the tiredness weigh his body down - not only does he stay up to work, he also wakes up early to do his workout. It’s only been a week but it’s catching up to him, and the deep sigh he releases catches Mr. Ri’s attention. 

“You should get proper rest,” the older man advises. “You’re gonna get sick at the rate you’re going.”

“I’m fine,” Jungkook huffs. “I’ll rest when I’m dead.”

“I should ask ___ to tell you to slow down. She knows how to make you listen, doesn’t she?”

“That’s not necessary,” Jungkook sighs, even if he knows it’s the truth. 

You had a calming way of telling him to take a pause, and he always listened because it’s you. 

“Then you better listen to me,” Mr. Ri says, eyeing him from the rearview mirror. “You need to be at your best these next few weeks and you won’t be if you push yourself too hard. You have a team that has your back. It’s all going to work out.”

“That’s exactly what she would say,” Jungkook shakes his head, suddenly hearing your voice in his head. 

“I know. And I bet you that she’d say it even more if she sees how you are now. You need to rest, Jungkook. I mean it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says in submission, deciding that he’ll just buy food on the way home and then call it a night. But the mention of your name has his mind going to you again. “Did… did she eat breakfast?” Jungkook asks.

“She did, and she liked it,” Mr. Ri responds. “You know, she still would’ve eaten it even if I said that you asked me to get those pastries for her. It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“It would have. She’ll know it was from me.”

“And? Just because she’s leaving, it doesn’t mean you have to stop showing her that you care. And it doesn’t mean that she stopped caring, either.”

At Jungkook’s silence, the older man continues.

“Why do you do that? Why hide behind your pain? Why make excuses for what you feel about her? You think it’s easier that way?” he presses. “You think it helps you and her when you act like it doesn’t affect you?”

“She pushed me away, okay? What do you expect me to feel?”

“But she still cares about you, at least acknowledge that.”

“But I want her to want me,” Jungkook raises his voice, surprising himself with the burst of emotion he didn’t expect. “I don’t just want her to care. I… I want her to be with me. But she has a life to live beyond all this, and I don’t think she wants me to be a part of that.” 

Mr. Ri turns to Jungkook with sad eyes, unable to say anything else. He doesn’t know what kind of comfort the younger man needs. It starts and ends with you, it seems, and perhaps that’s expected. After Jungkook’s breakup with Chaerin, he kept his heart guarded and didn’t bother to let anyone have a peek. All encounters were shallow, all attempts at getting him to share himself were futile. Until you. And now that he’s shared a little bit of himself, with you turning away from it, he feels exposed and bare, and he has to build his walls back up again. 

Mr. Ri gets to witness it this time, and his heart breaks for the younger man, too. Having heard both sides, he knows that Jungkook respects your decision and wants to be with you. Those can coexist. He also knows that you want to be free from the ties that bind you to this family and want to be with him. Those can coexist as well. But he knows, more than anyone, that you’ll both have to make a decision, and you’ll both have to learn to do that. 

“I can’t tell you what to do, Jungkook. And I can’t tell her, either,” the older man sighs. “You’ll have to figure things out on your own and decide what you want to do because that’s the only way you’ll get to stand by your choices.”

It’s a piece of advice that Jungkook should follow, even if all he wants is for someone to tell him what to do. But perhaps that’s also hard if he can’t make sense of everything that he feels. And it’s both of you suffering at the end of it.

He stays quiet for the rest of the ride, wanting to just shut out his thoughts even if there are hundreds of them swimming in his mind. When Mr. Ri asks him where he wants to grab his dinner, Jungkook can’t decide and ends up going to a convenience store instead. He sighs to himself as he realizes the memories that’ll come up by being here; he wants to escape thoughts of you, but he still ends up thinking about you whatever he does, as if his mind and body gravitate towards you without realizing it. 

He buys instant noodles and some snacks. He munches on choco pie during the ride back to his penthouse and remembers the way you smiled when you ate it that night when he stayed with you. It’s an image he keeps until he falls asleep, and there’s that empty feeling again when he wakes up in the morning.

Lucas arrives that Friday as instructed and they leave for the office right away. They talk about the Arts Center and the schedule for the day, and they arrive at the building at the same time that you do. 

It’s a little tense sharing the elevator with you this time, especially as he formally greets you as if he wasn’t torturing himself with the thought of you all night. But you smile and act cordial, choosing to let the silence engulf all three of you and just deal with it. 

There are virtual meetings he has to attend, and Jungkook multitasks while reviewing some reports that are on his desk. There are some things he knows he needs to sign, so he calls your phone and asks them where they are. 

You walk inside his room with a folder of documents and promotional materials for his approval, setting them on his desk and explaining that Lucas was going to bring them in after he was done speaking with HR.

You watch as Jungkook, with scrunched eyebrows, goes through each sheet of paper. There’s so much tension on his face and his entire body, and you wonder if he’s been resting properly. Perhaps not, as you see the dark circles under his eyes.

“You don’t have to wait for Lucas to give these to me,” Jungkook says. “You still have that responsibility. You’re still my assistant.”

There’s no anger in his voice but you can’t help but feel defensive. He’s instructed you to focus on turning over files and functions, after all.

“Am I?” You find the courage to question him. “You’ve made yourself perfectly clear on what I’m only here for.”

Jungkook is taken aback by your words, not expecting you to say them with a mix of sadness and bitterness. But he answers back, unable to control himself this time. 

“And you’ve made yourself perfectly clear on what you want. And what you don’t want,” he says, more bitterly than he intended. 

Your face falls, and he hates himself for making you feel like this, so he backtracks.

“I’m just… trying to make things easier for you,” he reasons, glancing at you before returning his gaze to the papers. “There are lots of things to turn over and I prefer that you just focus on them. I need Lucas to know what to do because you always did, and that’s a big loss for the team. It’s not my intention to undermine you or… make you feel like I’m replacing you. I know I won’t be able to,” he says boldly. “You’re leaving and I’m just trying to deal with it the best way I know how.”

You look at him and see the mix of frustration and sadness on his face. This is all on you, and you hate that you don’t know what to do about it. So you accept his words in submission.

“I understand, sir,” you say, almost like a whisper. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

You bow then head out, leaving Jungkook rooted in his seat like always, knowing that a second more and he would’ve called you back, even if he doesn’t know what he’d say, just so he could be around you a few seconds longer. 

But he lets you go. Whatever he wants to say won’t make it out anyway. 

Jungkook gets through the rest of the day constantly distracted, always half-hoping it’s you when there’s a knock on the door, or glancing at your direction from his seat, expecting you’d be meeting his eyes. But it’s never you on the other side and you don’t look his way, and before he knows it, Lucas is saying goodbye and then Hoseok is calling to tell him to go home already. 

Jungkook tries, though. He finishes half a bottle of whiskey and then sleeps through mid-morning. He doesn’t really know what to do with the time he has and he hates that he has so much of it.

For the first time, he forces himself not to think about the Arts Center, so he decides to sketch some designs for the various residential projects he has in the pipeline. Some are still in their early stages but that Scandinavian-inspired building that he’s been visiting various properties for is still being conceptualized. He doesn’t want to rush, believing that the right design will come, and he hopes that by going through the photos from his trip with Hoseok and A-yeong to Europe last year, he’ll have that extra nudge or perhaps, a burst of inspiration.

The buildings are intricate and majestic, but it’s the little cafes that catch his attention, the fountains in the gardens, and the faraway shots he took of Hoseok and A-yeong as they laughed and danced about. There’s something captivating about the everyday moments, and when he clicks on the photo of the sky, he’s reminded that all those times, he was thinking of you - that clarity, the stability, the comfort. Jungkook always has a lot of things going on in his head but you’ve become that person who makes him stop and look around, who makes him see the beauty in things, who makes him want them for himself this time. 

There are some images that float through his mind for the project - large windows, spacious courtyards, open living spaces, muted palettes, tree-lined streets - but with all the comfort and beauty that those bring, his thoughts still shift to you. He remembers how you looked against the mountains during the team building, how the sun made you glow even more, how you looked at peace by the stream, and all he can think about is the sadness that comes with knowing they’re all just memories - still images in his mind that haunt him of what could’ve been. 

Jungkook decides to switch strategies an hour later, the emptiness of his penthouse adding to the emptiness he feels inside. Thinking that a change of scenery is what he needs, he puts on his tracks and hoodie and heads out for a run. There’s no destination in mind. He’ll just jog around town, stop if he feels like it, and then head on out again until the thought of you fades from his mind. 

He knows he’s not fooling anyone; he’ll probably still be thinking about you. But at least for those hours where he’s distracted by the sounds of the cars and the people in the streets, there’s less of you in there. 

It’s quite sunny out. It’s mid-afternoon and he likes the feel of the sweat in his body, the heat contrasting the occasional burst of wind. He stops by a garden, then a convenience store for a drink, then runs up a trail to get a view of the city. The sun starts to set and Jungkook takes it slow. With his hands in his pockets, he leisurely walks to a nearby neighborhood that he hasn’t been to before. 

He appreciates the calmness this time and thinks that maybe spending his weekends like this every once in a while isn’t so bad. But he thinks of other ways he could spend it and with whom. Finding new restaurants to eat at and places to explore with you flash through his mind. So does watching your variety shows with you on the couch or some local film like what you enjoy doing on your own. 

Jungkook doesn’t fight against it this time. He realizes that the more he resists it, the angrier he’ll be, and he doesn’t want to feel that anymore. He wasn’t mad at you, he was mad at the situation. He was mad at himself for waiting too long, for not handling things properly, for not talking to you about it… for not being honest about what he really wanted early on. He’s trying not to be selfish by letting you walk away, but maybe that’s selfish, too, if all he’s focused on is how he deals with it, without considering how it’s also affecting you. 

He sighs to himself. He’s feeling so much, and this hasn’t happened in a long time. He wasn’t good at this then, and it seems that he hasn’t learned; he doesn’t know how to express what he feels even now. 

The sound of children’s laughter catches his attention, and Jungkook turns to his left and finds himself outside of the neighborhood park. The playground is hidden behind large trees, and as if by some serendipitous occurrence, he walks inside and finds a bench to sit on. It’s where he stays as he watches the last remaining child leave the swing and head home. 

Silence envelopes him now. He remembers his childhood - how he disliked playing in the nearby playground because he was always teased for being the shy and quiet kid, how his brother laughed along, and how his father constructed one for him so he could enjoy it for once. His brother never joined him, choosing to stay in the treehouse built for him on the other side of their property, and Jungkook liked it that way. 

He would climb up the small rock wall and then slide down the slide. He’d swing himself as high as he could, giggling loudly because of the ticklish feeling in his stomach and no one would hear him. He’d look through the telescope and gaze at the stars in the evening. On some afternoons, he’d sit on the little bench and just draw cars and buildings and houses on his sketch pad, just like he’d seen his father do. Out there, he felt like he could be anyone. He could do anything and feel anything and not be afraid. No one was going to hurt him. Nothing would make him feel unwanted - not the birds, not the butterflies, not the bees that he’d watch from afar. 

His old man may have always been busy but he built that playground for him without Jungkook asking him to. They were words that his father couldn’t say, apologies that he couldn’t voice out, a desire for more time that he couldn’t express or maybe even commit to, which is why they remained unspoken. 

After the incident at the cabin when Jungkook felt abandoned, he stopped playing. He stopped going outside, afraid of the open air, of the possibility that the rain would come, of his father joining him in a space that used to be one where no one could disappoint him. 

Time passed and the apologies were still unspoken. The emotions were kept hidden, the desire left unsaid. But they remained. Jungkook knew because his father kept that playground in its spot despite the renovations done in the estate over the years. He maintained them, too, making sure that he seals them regularly, that he repairs damages, that he paints them once the color has started to fade.

Jungkook knew this because every time he visited their home, he always spent some time there. And he saw that the playground always looked the way it did when he first saw it over 20 years ago. He was there last week, and he remembers that in the midst of his outburst, being there calmed him down. 

Despite all the painful memories in between, and even if he’d outgrown it already, the safety was still there. It held memories, it felt like freedom, it held that child-like belief that he could do and be anything and he could be happy.

And as Jungkook watches the sky turn dark, the calmness overtakes him. Any playground elicits that kind of feeling, and he hears the apologies, he feels the emotions, he understands the desire. 

He realizes that he’s very much like his father, just as you and Mr. Ri and Hoseok have told him. Because much as the old man is good at many things, expressing how he feels is one thing he struggles with. That’s why he builds things. He builds homes for his wife and a treehouse and playground for his sons. 

And like some epiphany, Jungkook realizes that he may not be able to express what he feels, but he may be able to show you. The words may never be enough, even as they remain unsaid, but he can at least give you a space that matters to you, a place just like his playground that you could go to to feel safe, where you could be anyone, where you could do anything and feel anything and not be afraid. 

It will be a place where no one can hurt you, not even him, and where you’ll always be wanted - by the characters in your picture books, and the birds and butterflies and bees that you’ll color. You may have outgrown them, but he knows that the memories of your childhood will remind you that there’s a place for you, in his heart especially. 

His mind starts to race, with designs and details flashing through his mind. He rushes home and starts working, and he doesn’t leave his study until 3 in the morning. But he’s satisfied, and he spends the next day making calls and other arrangements, ensuring that the plans are set for dissemination to the team. 

It’s a monumental task for the time that he has. The Arts Center opening isn’t far from now. He’ll probably earn the ire of everyone involved, including his father, but Jungkook will just have to deal with all that. 

Right now, what matters is that he gets to do this to show you how he feels. He doesn’t know when you’ll see it, if you’ll decide to go when it opens in a few weeks, but he hopes that when you do, you’ll know that you made him feel something that he hasn’t in a long time, and he hopes that if he no longer gives you that feeling of comfort and safety that he’s been giving, then there’s a place that he built so you’d feel all those again.

You sit on your desk that Monday morning and try to act as if all your contrasting emotions aren’t weighing heavily on you. 

Being with your friends over the weekend helped, as you took the train to meet them this time and told them everything that’s happened. You apologized for not telling them right away, but they knew that it was important for you to feel everything on your own first and try to figure it out. You said you really hadn’t - deciding to leave seemed so simple but the feelings and the truth complicated them, and now you’re left with a broken heart and the belief that Jungkook won’t forgive you, that he won’t want you anymore, that he'll just let you walk away without any closure.

Soomin and Jimin just held you and listened. They knew from the start it would be difficult. Your past wasn’t something you talked about so easily, and it took you years to even tell them your story, how you ended up in Busan and why you had to return to Daegu because it was already safe for you to go back home. There was no judgment, only support, even when you decided to enter the company and work for the people that you felt you owed your life to.

Their resentment towards Jungkook stemmed from how he treated you at the beginning; they knew that yours was the same. But they never questioned your sincerity when it came to how you felt - you’re never like this, they said. It takes a lot for you to let someone in and ties to his family isn’t enough for that. If anything, that’s what told them it was real - you would’ve tried hard to control the feelings but you still gave in, and for you to think he was worth that even for the briefest moment means he probably was. 

Their perspective affirmed you in a way. This wasn’t just some silly crush on your boss, but this also wasn’t something you could just easily forget or get over. Your happiness always comes first, and it may look like a life with him in it, but it doesn’t mean he gets to be part of it right now. It’s also possible it’s one without him, and if it is, then you’re just going to have to learn to accept that. 

You sigh to yourself. You’re in no better place than you were last week, but at least you have less days left in being here. But then again, that also just means the closer you are to really saying goodbye. 

You go through your checklist of things to turn over and do before you leave, and while you’re halfway through, putting together event and project portfolios and documenting best practices still takes a lot of time. 

You’re about to begin your first task of the day when you hear rushed footsteps. Lucas scurries over to your side to leave his things then grabs some folders.

“Hey, is everything okay?” You ask the visibly stressed man next to you.

“Uh, yeah,” he responds. “Mr. Jeon called for a meeting about the Arts Center and there are changes. He wants to add something.”

“At this stage?” You ask worriedly. 

“Yeah. It seems like it’s quite a bit of work. I’m… I’m freaking out because this is a really big project and —I”

“Won’t disappoint him, I’m sure of it,” you try to comfort him. “You’ll be fine, Lucas. Just take a breath and take it one step at a time. I’ll be right here.”

You smile at him warmly, hoping that the bit of encouragement would help. The opening is a few weeks from now. At this point, focus should just be on finishing touches, finalizing government certifications, and promotion, but with how Lucas seems a bit rattled, the changes might indeed be a bit overwhelming. 

He excuses himself to prepare the conference room and get the team then leaves, and as you’re about to follow him, Jungkook exits his office then stands by the hallway. 

“Ms. Cho,” he calls out, prompting you to stay in your place. “There is no need for you to attend the meetings about the Arts Center.”

You’re taken aback by his statement but you recover. 

“But… it’s opening in a few weeks, sir. There’s lots to do, and Lucas just said there are changes,” you counter. “If there’s anything I can do to help, you know I would.”

“I know that,” he says. “And I’m saying that there’s no need this time. The team can manage. You’ve taught them well.”

“But—”

“You’ve tendered your resignation, Ms. Cho,” he reminds you, his tone a little softer than it’s been recently. “Your remaining days here are meant for turnover and mentoring Lucas in his general functions, and not to take on added or continuing responsibilities.”

He may have a point, but it doesn’t take away from your sadness over no longer knowing how the preparations are going. You’ve become invested in the Arts Center this past year, too, and while you knew you had to let that go as well, it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

“Understood, sir,” you concede, bowing your head down in submission. “I’ll continue with my reports, then.”

He just nods, and you don’t miss the tinge of apology in his eyes. He leaves, and you’re left alone again; you think that’s how you’ve been feeling all this time. 

You get on with your task, and it’s not long after when Hoseok enters, his bright smile only doing little to raise your spirits. 

“Hey, ___,” he greets. “How are you holding up?” 

“Just fine,” you try to smile. “Are you looking for Jungkook? He’s not here right now. He’s meeting the team about the Arts Center and if you’re wondering why I’m not there, it’s because he didn’t want me to be. First he replaces me, and then he excludes me and I just feel so… I…”

“Seems like you’re less than fine,” Hoseok says sullenly. “I’m so sorry, ___. I know this has been hard for you. For both of you.”

You know it is. But you suppose that you and Jungkook deal with difficulties differently. 

“You… you understand why I had to do this, right?” You ask. 

“I do,” he affirms, his eyes softening even further. “And so does Jungkook. And that’s the hard part. He doesn’t want you to go but he knows you have to do this for yourself. I guess… Your decisiveness hurt him. And with what I’m seeing now, I guess his acceptance hurt you, too.”

“I… I’m such a mess. Maybe I deserve all this,” you sigh. “How could I kiss him, push him away, leave him, want him, but can’t bring myself to be with him?”

“Because you’re human and could want things that you’re afraid of? Because it’s possible to want to find yourself while also being next to someone else yet still think it’s not enough?” Hoseok says. “It’s normal to feel all this, ___. But figuring things out also takes time. Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? Not knowing what to do now is understandable.”

“I… I only have a few weeks left here,” you say softly. “Maybe this is how he wants this all to end.”

“What about you? Is this how you want it to end?”

“I don’t know, but maybe it’s easier,” you try to convince yourself. “It’s easier to walk away when I know I’m not wanted. Maybe that’s what I made him feel, and I can’t blame him if that’s what he wants me to feel in return.”

“Oh, ___,” Hoseok shakes his head, knowing it’s not the truth. “You and Jungkook just need to talk. Then you’d know you want the same things.”

“Maybe… but we’re not good at that. And it doesn’t mean we want the same things at the same time,” you reason. 

“So it’s about timing, then?”

“I guess. But we’re not good at that either,” you laugh dryly at the absurdity of it. “Look, even without all this, he already has a lot of things in his mind. The biggest project of his life is about to be unveiled soon and I… I have a life to live after this. I’m doing what I should’ve done years ago and the least I could do for myself is stand by the decision I made. I know I’d regret it if I stayed. I don’t want to regret the way I walked away.”

It’s a thought you’re slowly coming to, as you look back at how the week has been. You’ve been receiving nothing but praise and encouragement from your colleagues. You’ve been getting emails from various companies that want to recruit you after you put your resume through an online job site. There are so many possibilities now that you’ve put one foot out the door, and while you know of the possibilities you’re also leaving behind, you know deep down that you would’ve regretted it if you stayed, and you don’t want to tie that decision to Jungkook and end up resenting him for it.

The only thing that’s been keeping you down is what that decision is doing to you and Jungkook. It’s one you hope you’re able to fix, or at least mend enough that you’ll only have the good memories with you, and that so would he.

“I’m just really sorry,” Hoseok says, knowing that much as he’d like to help you and his cousin sort things out, it’s difficult when neither of you are unable to sort out your own feelings. “But I’m not just here to talk about that. I… I wanted to give you this.”

Hoseok hands you a sealed envelope and you look at him curiously.

“I know Jungkook gave you his recommendation letter, but I thought another one won’t hurt,” he smiles, letting you feel the warmth of it. 

You know that companies usually just call for references, but a letter like this - especially from a well-known corporation’s top executive - gives you an advantage that others don’t have. You suppose that when you received one from Jungkook, it was a show of support. You have no doubt that with Hoseok, it’s him telling you that he’ll always have your back, wherever you may be.

“Oh, Hoseok,” you say, feeling all the emotions come at once. 

It’s insane to think that almost a year ago, you were in this same spot with him encouraging and assuring you that he’ll always be around. Back then, you were anxious about being led by someone new who you knew was nothing like the man you admired. And now you’re here again, and Hoseok is giving you that same comfort that he always has, and the thought that you won’t even be in the same building as him is causing a crack in your heart. You hope one day, you’ll be able to fully express just how much his kindness has given you hope and so much to look forward to. 

“Thank you,” you smile through your glassy eyes. “You… you’ve taught me so much. I hope you know that much of the confidence I have now is because of you. I’m terrified of this new journey but I’m confident that I’ll do well. You believed in me first and I’ll never forget that.”

“Being a good leader is something I learned to become because of you, ___. And because of the team. I admire you for so many things, and I’m pretty sure that wherever you choose to go, the company will be so lucky to have you.”

“I hope so,” you remark, knowing that’s another thing you have to deal with. “I… I have a few options. A few companies have reached out but there’s a publishing house that I’m leaning towards. I met the editor some time ago and that encounter just stuck with me and I feel like that kind of environment would suit me.”

“That’s great to know,” he says excitedly. “I can’t wait to hear about it. A-yeong and I will take you out to dinner once things have settled down, okay?”

“That would be great. I can’t wait for that, too.”

Hoseok bids you goodbye, leaving you alone with your thoughts for the next two hours. Whatever changes are happening with the Arts Center must be big, as it’s taking the team this long to iron things out. 

It’s close to lunch time when the meeting ends. Jungkook walks in while on a call, while Lucas sits next to you looking a little stressed.

“Everything alright?” You ask.

“Yeah. There are just last minute changes but Mr. Jeon’s on top of it,” Lucas says. “He just wants us to make sure we’re on top of the other things and I’m honestly still familiarizing myself with the details of the Arts Center. I’m just nervous I’m gonna miss something.”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for,” you assure him. “I know you were just thrust into this at such a critical time where you don’t have much leeway to adjust and that’s on me and I’m sorry. But that’s also why I’m gonna make sure that I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“Thanks, I need that,” Lucas sighs. “I can’t help but think that a year ago, I was almost supposed to be here. I mean, we can talk about it now. Mr. Jeon said he planned on taking me with him because he doesn’t want a new assistant that he has to get used to, you know? I always knew he hated change and I was the one thing that was familiar but it didn’t work out. Even I knew it wasn’t gonna happen - CEO Jeon approves these appointments and the EA of the VP needs to be familiar with the company culture and process and I wasn’t. I wasn’t really upset but I let myself think of living in Seoul for a short while and it seemed exciting. But things happen for a reason, and I think if I had to adjust then while helping Mr. Jeon with this project, I probably would’ve caved in and quit.”

Lucas turns to you with a smile. “What I mean to say is that, I admire you so much for being able to manage all this. And I know I have incredibly big shoes to fill and I think I’m more terrified about that, but I’m really thankful that you’re there to guide me, ___. Whatever tip and strategy and cheat sheet you can provide will be much appreciated.”

“Of course,” you assure him. “I’ve got spreadsheets and checklists and profiles and guidelines to turn over to you. And I’m always a call away, okay?”

He nods in gratitude, and you tell him that you both have time to sort through all those and that you’ll be finished in time for your last day. You agree on having lunch together so you could talk about the Board members and the other executives, and he says he has to see Jungkook first to get his signatures for some documents.

“Oh, can you, uh, can you give this to him, too?” You ask, passing him your leave request. It was during your time alone when you decided when to take them, knowing that you’re gonna slowly have to get used to being away from this place as well.

Lucas takes it then returns shortly after with your signed form. There’s relief in knowing you get to organize your life somehow. There are interviews to attend and a lot of your things to fix. There are feelings to make sense of, too. 

And as you and Lucas talk about his move and the worry and excitement he feels, you think that you’ve got to stop thinking of goodbyes. There’s a life for you out there, and if by some way you find Jungkook in there, too, then at least you’d know you chose him, and that if he’d forgiven you then, then you’re assured that he’s chosen you, too.

You spend the entirety of Tuesday orienting Lucas about your spreadsheets and other files, and you both come up with a system that suits his style of work. Jungkook was out the whole day, and though you suppress the feeling of missing him, it’s one that haunts you until you lay in your bed that night.

You take the rest of the week off. You spend Wednesday cleaning your apartment and then having dinner with the elderly couple next door who amuse you with their love story and memories of their youth. 

You meet Namjoon on Thursday for that official interview he’s been waiting for. You can’t help but envision yourself in the office with the dynamism of the teams and the laid-back feel of the entire space. You’d commit yourself right then and there if it didn’t make you look that desperate, but it’s Namjoon who encourages you to go to the other interviews you have lined up. 

It’s a risk, he says; he might lose you if another more appealing company states their case. But he wants you to choose them without regrets; he wants you to choose them because you’ve seen what’s out there and decided that they’re who you want and who you see yourself being happy in. You don’t miss his slightly nervous face when you agree, but you suppose that if you’re going to do this now, might as well do it right.

You go to two other interviews that Friday, and while trying out events management was always in the back of your mind, it’s nice to see just how the job and the tasks excite you.

It’s the first time you’re feeling like you actually have options. Back then, even if there were other opportunities, you chose working for the Jeons because of a debt you felt you had to pay. You limited your own choices, but now, you feel what it’s like to take control of your own life, and it’s liberating to not have any baggage with you this time around. 

Jimin and Soomin pay you a visit that weekend. They drive you around, thinking that the beauty of spring would inspire you even more. It’s fitting, they say, as you start a new phase in your life while the flowers bloom and greet you. But as you pass by a park and see the colors of the sky and buy some convenience store snacks on the way home, you can’t help but think of Jungkook.

Missing him feels a little odd. You didn’t know what it felt like until his trip at the end of last year, but you always knew he was gonna come back. This time, you’re unsure of when you’ll see him again. You spent time with him in a work environment, so being away from him and doing everyday things shouldn’t even affect you this much. But you suppose it’s the idea of what could have been that you miss, even if you don’t really know what that’s like. 

You spend Monday and Tuesday the next week the same way. There’s just one executive meeting each day that you attend to assess how Lucas manages it, but other than that, you barely see Jungkook in the office. He stays in his room all morning then heads out in the afternoon, and you leave before he could even make it back. It reminds you that you truly left him at a critical time. You don’t know if he’s eating well, if he’s getting proper rest, if he’s tending a bruised knuckle or dealing with a headache. You don’t know if the stress is getting to him, if the anxiety is slowly building up, or if it’s just excitement he feels and that he can’t wait for everything to come together. 

You hope for his sake, it’s the latter. You want nothing more than to assure him that things will turn out the way he wants, that the intended audience will love the Arts Center, and that he’s already achieved so much with just this. You hope he’s proud of himself the way you are, and that he knows that if there’s anything he leaves you with, it’s your own pride that you got to be part of something beautiful, and it’s that search for connection and intimacy and meaning that got you yearning for those things, too. 

You take the rest of the week off again. You run errands one day, go to an interview the next, and then walk around town the day after. It feels like you’re back to that state of being alone but not feeling lonely; there’s just that added sense of freedom this time. 

You’re not stressed about work. Time isn’t flying too fast. You don’t feel like you’re rushing, going from one task to another for the sake of it. You have space to think and feel. Even at such a short period of time, you’re learning what things excite you and what you want to explore. And that’s liberating, now that you’re able to pull yourself out of the routine that contained you for years, one that made you believe it was all you had and all you deserved. You think that this isn't so bad, and the constant sadness you feel slowly fades away as the days pass.

But then you return to work on Monday - your final week - and the illusion breaks. 

Lucas has to meet with the marketing department, so he asks you to prepare Jungkook’s coffee in the morning. You feel quite sentimental doing it, as you know that there probably won’t be a next time.   

You knock on the door, and when he asks you to come in, you suddenly feel anxious. You place the cup on his desk, making sure you put the biscuits like you always do. 

Jungkook senses when you step back, lingering like you’ve been doing the few times you’ve done it. You used to do it because you expected he’d have something to ask you whenever you entered his room. But recently, he feels it’s you just waiting - for him to say something, perhaps, or for you to find the courage to speak up.

But you never do. And he never says what he really wants to. 

“It’s your last week, Ms. Cho,” he states, focusing on his iPad screen so as not to torture himself with the sight of you. “How’s your clearance going?”

“Uh, it is, Mr. Jeon,” you reply. “Finance and HR have cleared me. IT and security will clear me on my last day. And I’ll submit to you my final deliverables on Wednesday. You can sign off my form then.”

He nods, and you torture yourself by standing by even if he doesn’t seem to have anything else to say. You’re about to excuse himself when he speaks again.

“Please free up your Friday evening. We’ll have a team send-off dinner for you.”

“I, uh. Understood, sir. Thank you.”

He nods once more, and it’s your signal to leave. He’s never felt so far away, but you suppose it’s the kind of distance you need. 

You walk back to your seat, the reality of your last week hitting you, especially when you find Do-hyun and Yohan by your desk, looking somber as they reach out for a hug. You return it, with Do-hyun pointing it out, and she frowns when you say that you’ll be without it for a long time. 

“Is everything alright?” You ask them. 

“Yes,” they respond in unison. 

“We just want to spend as much time with you as we can,” Yohan states. “I know we’ve all been busy but… it’s your last week. So let’s have lunch today, and any other day when you’re free. Please?”

“Of course,” you say. “Food hall today?”

They nod excitedly, and you spend your lunch time at the outdoor space, laughing about, with Lucas slowly but surely finding his place within the team. 

That afternoon, Yoongi drops by and says he has lots of things going on because of the changes Jungkook is making, but he’ll meet you when you want to. He reminds you that he’s there when you need him; he’ll turn down the other man if it comes down to it. But he’ll drop by everyday until your last day, he says; he doesn’t want to feel like he didn't see you enough. 

You assure him that he’s the one person you’d definitely meet up with outside of work, and so there’s no limit when it comes to him. 

On Tuesday, you have lunch with some people from the marketing department whom you’ve gotten close to these past months, and on Wednesday, Bitna and the other assistants take you out to dinner. 

CEO Jeon and Hoseok take you out to lunch on Thursday, stating that they wanted to check in and ask what your plans are. They assure you that they’re there should you need support in any way; the company is likewise always going to have a place for you. And with the sincerity in their eyes and their hope of you finding your place and your happiness, you know they mean well. So you take that time to ask for advice, too. 

It ends in laughter, as you recall your early days at the company and the mishaps with Hoseok. You talk about some of the issues you’ve been privy to and some details about your life that they missed. Talking with them feels comfortable now that there’s an acknowledgment of your ties to their family. You can tell that despite of and after everything, CEO Jeon truly cares for you and your mother, and that he’ll be eternally sorry yet grateful to both of you. 

You’re thankful that they don’t mention Jungkook. You wouldn’t know how to react if they did, especially since you’ve barely seen him all week. Missing him has become natural that you’ve just accepted it, including the fact that you can’t do anything about it. Maybe you’ll always be too scared to let him know, too. 

It’s Friday before you know it. You manage to get everything done on time, and Jungkook calls you to his office that morning to return your signed clearance form. You hate how you’re both back to this tense dynamic whenever you enter his room - lingering looks, clenched jaws, deafening silence… and words you want to say and hear but know you never would. You’re both not built for that, you think; there’s always so much to feel but not enough courage to face them. 

This room holds so many memories - when he got mad, when you stood up to him, when he said he needed your help, when he kissed you and you kissed him back… when you pushed him away. 

But this isn’t where you say goodbye. There’s still that team dinner tonight and you hope you get to leave him with a proper farewell and a sincere expression of thanks for all that he’s taught you. You want to wish him good luck on the Arts Center opening. You want to tell him that you believe he’ll keep doing great things, you want to remind him to take proper rest, to take his breaks seriously, and to enjoy all that’s ahead of him. 

So you settle for a smile, as genuine as you can make it, before heading out and closing the door behind you. 

You return to your desk and go over some other things with Lucas that he needs clarifications on. You both spend lunch with the team and then resume your final turnover. 

It’s shortly after 3 PM when Jungkook comes out of his room with his bag in hand, and he instructs Lucas to get some blueprints from Chin-sun before they both leave to go to the Arts Center for a visit. The man next to you gets up and tells you he’ll see you at dinner, leaving you and Jungkook alone this time. 

It’s that lingering look again and he stays rooted in his spot, his eyes getting more distant as the seconds pass. 

“I wish you well, ___,” he says, the use of your name with words that seem like goodbye causing a crack in your heart. “Good luck. And thank you.”

He doesn’t wait for a response as he leaves right after, and you’re left with your heart in your hands, one that keeps calling his name. You think it will continue to do that after all this. 

You spend the rest of the afternoon packing your things and entertaining all those who drop by to say goodbye. Yoongi messages to say he’s out on a project site but that he’ll see you soon, and it’s something you look forward to after things have settled down. 

You find yourself in a private room at a nice restaurant with the team not long after. You can order anything, you’re told, and Do-hyun and Yohan don’t hesitate on choosing the dishes that they wouldn’t have been able to eat if it wasn’t for their boss paying for this meal. 

“Shouldn’t we wait for Lucas and Mr. Jeon?” You ask, looking around and feeling incomplete. 

“This dinner is for you, and you’re here,” Do-hyun points out. “But I guess we can wait.”

You settle for some appetizers and get to talking. They’re less sentimental than they were a few weeks ago. They say they’ve made peace with everything and are just happy that you’re able to take a break and have time for yourself before going back to the grind. It’s all talk and laughter, and when Lucas arrives, everybody cheers because then, you can all have your food served.

“Where’s Mr. Jeon?” Do-hyun asks before you do. 

“He’s at the Arts Center dealing with the laborers and the design team,” Lucas says regrettably. “Seems like there’s too much work and he can’t make it to dinner. I doubt he even eats at this point. He’s there every afternoon and doesn’t leave until late at night.”

“Is everything alright?” You ask, a mix of worry and sadness at how much he’s pushing himself, and that he didn’t even have the heart to see you one last time.

Perhaps that short exchange earlier was his final goodbye, you think. And now you wouldn’t even be able to say yours. 

“Yeah, you know how he is when he focuses on something,” Lucas sighs. “He just locks in and doesn’t care about anything else. He’s always been like that and I guess that hasn’t changed. But he did say he wants us to enjoy tonight, so order anything you want and he’ll take care of it.”

You mask the disappointment by laughing through Do-hyun and Yohan arguing about the best way to attack the menu, but you can’t help the way your eyes flit to the door every time it opens, hoping Jungkook would walk through it. But it’s never him.

Mr. Ri walks in right as the main dishes are served, and you look at him in question. He returns your dejected look with a shake of his head, as if he knows what you're thinking. 

You suppose that this is how Jungkook wanted to end things - by not showing up, by leaving the wound uncovered. You didn’t realize it would hurt like this. 

Maybe you deserve it. Maybe you don’t. But with the empty seat on the table reminding you of the man who chose to not give you a final goodbye because you’d done yours so certainly, you’re starting to think that it doesn’t really matter. He gets to choose how he deals with this, like he said. And you have no choice but to do the same.

You try your hardest to keep up with the team’s energy. They’re at least no longer crying, although you wish they were so you’d have a reason to cry yourself, because that’s what you’re trying hard not to do. It’s probably because of the sadness at knowing that you won’t experience this with them anymore; you won’t share the laughter and the stories that you used to. Everything is sinking in already, and it’s reality hitting you that you’re really going to start a new journey soon, and that you had to let go of someone incredibly important for that to happen. 

The Jungkook-shaped hole in your life will probably get bigger as the days pass, but that’s just another thing missing that you’ll have to find substitutes for, just like you do for everything else. 

You manage to get through dinner with dry eyes, even when you’re presented with farewell gifts. Lucas hands you a large box - a present from the VP’s Office, he says, and you smile in awe when you see a coffee pod maker that’s a similar version to the one you have at the pantry. 

“You won’t be going around making other people’s coffee anymore,” Manager Lee says. “So this is for your home. You’ll be on-the-go and busy but at least you’ll have this. It’s also so you’ll always remember us.”

“It’s also how I started,” you point out, recalling your internship days at the company. “But this is great. Please uh, please thank Mr. Jeon for me.”

“And this is from us,” Do-hyun smiles, handing you another box. “Like, this is from our own pockets. And we thought of every single thing in there so don’t forget about us. Ever.”

You open it and find a lot of the things that they know you can’t live without - a tumbler, a mug, notebooks, colored pens and highlighters, post-its, little jars of snacks and candies. There are also self-care items like scented candles and essential oils. In a little bag, there are two disposable cameras and vouchers to your local theater. 

And underneath all of those is a complete photo of your team, the one taken during your team building not long ago. Everyone looks refreshed and carefree. Including you. And then there’s Jungkook next to you, hands in his pockets and sporting what you know is a genuine smile. It’s a good reminder of your time together, and despite everything, you’re glad you have something to always keep close to you.

You return their hugs, each one carrying so much care and warmth that you missed out on because you were never one to accept them, to ask for them. You finally say goodbye and make a promise that you’ll catch up with them one of these days, one you know you’ll keep.

You all walk out. Mr. Ri helps you with your things then leads you towards the car. 

“Last one for old time’s sake,” he smiles at you. “And it’s late. Let me drive you home.”

You don’t resist, knowing that as someone who’s looked after you for so many years, never faltering in his commitment to your mother or you, you’re truly going to miss him. 

Sitting on the passenger seat, you look out the window and try to amuse yourself with the scenes outside. There are cars passing by and people trying to get home, probably grateful that another week is over. You wonder how many of them are nursing broken hearts, or are running away from something, or are hoping someone they pushed away comes back. 

The tears are falling before you know it, and as you try to hold in your sniffles, you see Mr. Ri from your periphery glance at you before turning on the radio, gradually making the music louder so as to drown out your sounds. That continues for a while until the streets start to look familiar. Somehow, you dread going home - being alone at a time like this feels a little too much, but maybe you deserve that, too. 

You arrive at your apartment, and Mr. Ri helps you in bringing all your stuff inside. He stays by the door and his soft eyes prompt you to speak.

“I thought he’d come,” you whisper. “I thought I’d see him one last time. He… he couldn’t even say goodbye.”

“You know it’s not always easy for people to do that,” he says. “Letting you go was hard enough. What if he says something that would push you even farther away?”

“I can’t be any farther than I am right now,” you sigh. “But we did this to each other. I didn’t want to stay and he… just let me walk away. I hurt him but everything else after hurt me, too. And I… I wish it didn’t. I—”

You’re unable to speak as you cry once more, all the conflicting emotions suffocating you from within. And all Mr. Ri can do is wipe your tears with his handkerchief and hope that could stop them somehow.

“This hurts me,” he utters the words so softly and so heavy with emotion. “It’s like watching my daughter get her heart broken.”

It’s what makes you smile, and you take the piece of cloth from him and dry your eyes.

“I could’ve been,” you say, knowing that he wanted a family at one point.

“That’s true. But most times I think that I would’ve been too burdened by what I’ve done that I wouldn’t have been able to love your mother the way she deserves,” he reasons. “And I’ll always think that I let her go so that she could find someone like Min-woo who’d love her without reservations, who’d be able to give her a life that she’d always dreamed to have and to give you.”

Mr. Ri recalls his own decisions and the heartbreaks that followed right after. They conflicted him, too, but in life, knowing what you want doesn’t always mean you get to express it the way you want to. Sometimes doing it makes it harder for everyone involved, and that’s what he thinks is what’s happening with you and Jungkook, too.

“I think it’s what Jungkook has learned,” he continues. “He has to let you go so you could find whatever happiness it is that you couldn’t find where you are. And as for you, you have to know that letting someone go right now doesn’t mean you can’t ever have them again. You just have to stop thinking you don’t deserve to want it.”

You take his words to heart as you bid him goodbye, and they stay in your head as you force yourself to sleep later that night. 

You don’t know what kind of happiness you’re searching for. You don’t even know what happiness could truly be like with Jungkook, and the thought that maybe you’ll never know starts to scare you. It’s one you think you’d like to one day experience. But how could you when you pushed him away? Is it even something you could still want, given what you’ve done? Is it something he’d want to know as well? In the midst of the mess you created, could it still happen? 

You’re reminded of what CEO Jeon had said not long ago, and you try to comfort yourself with it. You crossed paths with Jungkook for a reason. You’ve started to believe that you’re losing him for a reason. You just have to trust that if it’s meant to be, you’ll find him again for a reason as well. 

You just hope that when you do, he’ll take you back again, ask you to stay, and you’ll be able to tell him with your whole heart that you will. And that it’s something you won’t ever regret.

Series Masterlist

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[lavender-femme]

My body and my heart are so tired. I need someone who says “here, let me be a place of rest for you.” I need gentleness and unwavering commitment.

[yourmomxx]

hii, i saw you were asking for some cm requests and i always have cm on my mind so, i was wondering if you could do something with a nurse!reader and spencer or hotch?? maybe just both of them coming home after a long day (a 12 hr shift for reader, probably a closed case for him) and domestic-y cosy comfort vibes. maybe some late night talks that don’t really make sense or lead to anything

thank u!! 🫶🫶 (as always with every request, no pressure)

a/n: oh, that’s such a sweet request, I just had to do it for both of them! I hope you like what I did with it, I love domestic vibes

ᴬᴬᴿᴼᴺ

Sharing a home with Aaron Hotchner was a difficult thing to manage. Maybe, because the two of you weren’t home as much as a regular person would mostly be, but maybe because you had always been the proud owner of the ability to care - sometimes too much - about other people, and Aaron tended to go as far as to care not enough for himself.

So, after you both moved in together, it became sort of an unspoken contest between the two of you of who came home first, because it would inevitably set the tone for the rest of the night.

Aaron liked to spoil you senselessly when he came home before you, cuddling with you, making sure you relax, drink enough water, the whole deal.

And if you arrived home first, then, well - you did the things for him that he definitely missed out while he was away on a case.

You were standing near the stove, frying small slices of potatoes when the significant sound of turning keys and the front door opening rang through the halls.

When Aaron noticed your shoes standing out front, and the smell of freshly cooked food, a sigh escaped his lips that came close to a chuckle.

You just turned off the heat, when two strong arms were wrapped around you from behind, the feeling of soft lips pressing against the back of your head.

The warmth of a strong body was pressed against your backside. A content sigh slipped past your lips.

Everything safe and secure, you turned in Aaron’s hold and pecked his lips in a greeting kiss.

“Hello, handsome,” you smiled up at him. “Fancy seeing you again.”

Aaron let out a low grumble, corners of his mouth twitching upwards before he leaned down and kissed you again.

The feeling of him against you, in whatever way, was something you’d missed for the past three days that he had been away in - Nevada? Colorado? You didn’t know anymore.

“Hey.” The word came as a gentle murmur past Aaron’a lips as he broke away from you.

His eyes trailed over your shoulder and he craned his neck a bit.

“Are those fried potato slices?”

You nodded and pointed toward a bowl on the counter.

“With self made ranch, jalapeños and leek.” You dipped your head.

“Well, the jalapeños and the leek aren’t self made, but you know what I mean.”

Aaron smiled at you. “Yes, I do.” He kissed you again. God, it was so nice having him back.

Eating dinner with Aaron was also something that you had missed dearly, you did every time.

You would sit opposite each other on the old, but modern wooden table, and share stories about the recent cases you had worked, or patients you had treated, and you would spill the occasional - every single detail - about new gossip at work to your boyfriend.

Aaron didn’t always tell you everything about the cases he’s worked while he was away.

Some things simply were classified, some he just didn’t want you to be a part of, not in any way.

The warm light of the kitchen lamp illuminated his cheekbones beautifully.

Occasionally, the one or the other car would drive by the house.

Aaron dropped his go-bag on the floor next to your shared bed and pulled himself out of his work clothes to get ready for a shower.

You bent down to sort through the stuffed things of his duffle.

“These are all worn, right?” You asked him.

Aaron looked up at your question, but was as quick to wave you off.

“You don’t have to do that now, sweetheart,” He argued.

“You shower, and I’ll just do the simplest things in that time. Alright?”

Aaron weighed his head, and, after a few seconds of inner conflicting, agreed. “Alright. Thank you,” he said, and made his way to the bathroom.

You carefully sorted through his belongings, mentally patting yourself on the shoulder for choosing a partner that was as neat and organized as Aaron was, because that way, you didn’t have to inevitably wash and iron every single one of his shirts whenever he came home from work.

You pulled a dark t shirt from the bottom of the bag and folded it up. It was a simple cut, one-colored.

You held your nose against the fabric. It smelled like Aaron’s perfume, as probably the whole batch of clothes from the bag did, but not like it had been worn by him all that often.

Short-handedly, you changed out of your Pyjama top and pulled Aaron’s shirt over your head instead.

You smiled as you adjusted the soft material. It was a much better option, anyway.

You were tossing the dirty pieces in the laundry basket just as Aaron came into the room again, sweatpants and a tshirt on, rubbing his black hair dry with a small towel.

He halted in his movements when he noticed what you were wearing. A tilt of his lips, almost like a smirk grew visible on his face.

He stepped the few feet closer to you and drew you into a loving kiss. All his feelings were poured into the small point were your lips met his, were you both were connected, for the break of a lifetime, but as beautiful it could last eternally.

He didn't distance himself much from you, your noises were still touching, and you could feel the wavering in his breath as he spoke.

"Looks comfortable, what you're wearing there."

You smiled quietly.

Aaron drew the towel over his hair one last time, before folding it and tossing it over the heating neatly.

You were already waiting for him under the warm covers when he crawled into bed.

His head sinking onto the pillow, Aaron closed his eyes and drew out a long sigh. "This feels good," He whispered.

Your fingers found their way into his hair naturally, combing through the short strands carefully.

Aaron didn't open his eyes, but you felt the light push as he leaned into your touch.

"Missed this bed," He murmured. And he looked at you.

"Missed you."

You leaned forward and brushed your lips with his. The sheets rustled.

"I missed you, too."

You fell asleep that night, warmed by the heavy down blanket, fingers resting against the stubbly jaw of the man you loved, feet tangled together somewhere under the sheets, basking in everything that was Aaron Hotchner.

ˁᴾᴱᴺᶜᴱᴿ

The warm breath of Spencer was slowly ghosting over your skin, where his head was tucked safely in your neck.

You felt his even breathing rhythm as his chest lifted up and down under your fingertips, which drew nonsense patterns over his light blue shirt.

Spencer and you had gotten home around the same time tonight, as much of a rare occurence that was.

The cold stone of the kitchen counter under your naked thighs was a nice cool in contrast to your heated skin.

When Spencer had entered the apartment, before the door had even clicked shut behind him, he had made his way over to you and pulled himself into you.

He had not let you go since.

The fingers of your one hand found themselves tangled in his dark curls.

Spencer was still leaning his weight against you, thumbs circling over the short sweatpants covering your hips, and tickling the sensitive skin there.

"Did you not sleep well, baby?" You hushed into his ear.

The only response to your question were indecipherable mumbles that Spencer gave from himself.

He had not been home for the past five days, being away on a case in another state kept him from that.

You knew about the way your boyfriend had difficulties with rest, sleep did not come easily to someone plagued by the images that he was every day on the job.

Your hand strayed down to his neck as Spencer ever so slightly leaned away, just the smallest bit to have your features in his view.

"I strongly dislike hotel beds," He clarified.

You hummed softly, straightening out his wrinkled brow with the tip of your thumb.

"Maybe we should get you those melatonin gummies at the store if you have more trouble sleeping, baby."

Spencer scrunched his nose, bottom lip circling into another frown.

"Can't you just heal me back to sleep?" He grumbled.

The soft shiver of a chuckle left your throat.

When Spencer was tired, he got grumpy. But not old man grumpy, more five year old child who didn't get his sweets-grumpy.

Pouty, if you want.

Though you would endure him either way, old man grumpy or child grumpy, out of the two options, you did prefer this one.

You ran your hands up and down his upper arms. “You know it doesn’t work like that, baby.”

Spencer groaned lowly into your neck.

You sighed and leaned slightly back, your hands immediately coming up to support your boyfriend’s head as if it would fall off from its sheer weight.

Maybe, with the way that Spencer wasn’t about to tense one muscle, it would.

You cupped his cheeks and stared lovingly into your boyfriend’s sleepy, dark brown eyes.

“Come on,” you urged him quietly.

“Let’s get this off of you,” Your fingers slid to the buttons of his shirt. “-and get you to sleep.”

Spencer whined. You grinned and shook your head.

You kept unbuttoning him slowly, until you reached the lowest one.

Your hands, warmed up by your boyfriend’s body, slid under the thin material and over his bare skin.

There was a tenderness in your touch, when you slipped the shirt off his shoulders. Spencer just stood there and let you work.

He didn’t take his eyes off you once.

But you didn’t see that.

“Come on,” you repeated, hushed, thumb slowly stroking over his slightly parted lips.

“Let’s go to sleep. I know you need it.”

Spencer’s eyes slid closed.

He nodded.

You leaned forward and touched his mouth with yours slowly, softly.

Spencer sighed. You felt his breath tickle the lower half of your face.

His hand was gripped in yours as you led him to the bedroom.

When Spencer shuffled to the bathroom, you let him.

He couldn’t go a day without cleaning his teeth. There was no way he would fall asleep, you had learned that a while ago.

You pulled your silk nightgown out from under the covers, and, for your part, changed your clothes.

When it was a few minutes later and Spencer still hadn’t come back from the bathroom, you threw a look to check in on him.

Your boyfriend was standing over the sink, head bowed and hair ruffled, toothbrush stroking over his teeth in slow, tired motions.

Slowly, you came up behind him and wrapped yourself carefully around his body.

Your fingertips were gliding over the skin of his chest like feathery touches, your lips breathed kisses along his upper back.

You felt Spencer’s muscles shiver when you trailed lower, feeling the hem of his pants and opening them.

You let them slide off his legs and pool on the heated floors.

Spencer lightly bended over to wash out his mouth. Water still dripping from his chin, he turned around to face you.

You were gazing up at him.

Spencer leaned his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes in content.

Spencer hummed lowly.

You breathed out. “Yeah,” you said.

You let your hand slide down his lower arm and grabbed his hand in yours. Spencer followed you when you somehow pulled him into the bedroom.

He noticed too late that he'd been cold, only when the warmth of the thick blanket wrapped around him, he realized.

He felt a radiate of heat close to him, you had slipped under the covers as well. Spencer automatically drew closer to you, and the comfort you had to spare.

It was a routine, a studied motion, when he cuddled up to your chest, and your hands found his hair again, and his thumb stroked over the naked skin where his hand had slipped beneath the material of your nightgown.

There was nothing sexual to it, just his touch, that was grounding you as well as reminding him that you were real and that you were here, and that you liked to be.

Spencer liked to think that the way you were scratching at the roots of his hair, that it dimmed his migraines.

He was a man of logic, of course, so, in theory, it wasn't really possible.

But that was maybe the one situation where his logical mind had surrendered to his emotional one without putting up much of a fight.

Your soft and carefull voice glid over his ears like the softest lullaby.

You were telling him about your day.

About work, about the nice employee at the coffee shop, at the young daughter you got to reunite with her injured daddy.

Spencer liked when you told him about your day. In-between his life of death, and destruction and manipulation, he enjoyed hearing about the good that happened to the bad he witnessed.

It was an anchor, a proof of what the world had to offer that were not brutally murdered victims.

He didn't notice when he fell asleep, carried away by the tunes of your words, at some point you just felt the heavings of his chest turn more slow and even.

You didn't stop talking, though. Not until the muscles in your jaw weighed heavy, and the words didn't come as smoothly anymore, and you, as well, drifted away into the dark, but comforting arms of slumber.

You would wake up the next day with your back pressed against Spencer's chest, his arm slung tightly over your middle, and nose buried in your bed-tousled hair.

And you would smile as you felt him before you had even opened your eyes, and turn in his arms and kiss him softly good morning.

And you would love it just in the same way that you had the countless mornings that had been before.

[fanby-fckry]

🩸 simply-moxxie Follow

22 hr. ago

I had the weirdest dream last night?!!

I don’t even remember what happened, all I remember was this voice at the end: “You CAN’T trust him. He probably just wants you to draw his stupid horse.” What?!? I follow people who draw horses! I like horses! Why are they being attacked in this way?

🩸 simply-moxxie Follow

1 min. ago

It was a premonition.

#sir. #i cannot draw your horse #i can’t draw at all actually #please commission an artist #id in alt text #irl source

( 11 notes )

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

1 hr. ago

gotta love knitting needles. i can make a scarf. i can make a hat. i can stab your eyes out. i can make mittens.

🌈 hells-disney-princess Follow

1 hr. ago

What was that middle part?

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

46 min. ago

i can make a hat

#irl source

( 2,030 notes )

📻 real-radio-demon Follow

1 hr. ago

Any Overlord dead after 1940 can’t make quality entertainment. All they know is WcDonalds, recycled content, planned obsolescence, be bisexual, eat voot loops, and lie.

📺 voxblr4k Follow

49 min. ago

Fight me irl you fake ass motherfucker! I can’t suspend your account but I can kick your ass!

📻 real-radio-demon Follow

49 min. ago

I don’t believe you can do either of those things, Vox :)

#real radio demon broadcasts #irl source

( 21,536 notes )

🩸 simply-moxxie Follow

3 hr. ago

i can't do this anymore! i mean i can, and i will, obviously. but i can't fucking do this anymore!

🌕 m00nlight-h0wling Follow

50 min. ago

Area Man Who Has "Had Enough" Wakes Up Next Morning at 6:30 AM to Commute to Work Again

#irl source

( 8 notes )

📺 voxblr4k Follow

52 min. ago

The fucking fake Alastor account stole my joke!!1!

📺 voxblr4k Follow

51 min. ago

Son of a bitch his post has more notes than mine!

#un-fucking-believable #he should be hiding in shame like the real alastor #but he’s out here stealing my fucking posts??? #fuck this fuck this fuck this

( 149 notes )

🩸 simply-moxxie Follow

1 hr. ago

What should I get at international hellhouse of pancakes?

🩸 simply-moxxie Follow

1 hr. ago

alright

#id in alt text #irl source

( 12 notes )

⚪️ Anonymous said

isn’t it disrespectful to write fics about someone you killed irl?

🪡 niffty-lady Follow

Jul 3

I have no respect for Adam. Hope this helps! <3

🕸️ angie-fluffy-bootz Follow

2 hr. ago

can’t believe Niffty managed to Kill Adam a second time

💀 be-gay-do-crym Follow

2 hr. ago

#niffty lady #adam

( 210,749 notes )

📺 voxblr4k Follow

2 hr. ago

any overlord dead before 1940 can't use modern tech… all they know is radio, make shitty dad jokes, smile, be asexual, eat people, and lie.

#shitposting in 4k #vagueposting in 4k #irl source

( 11,191 notes )

💥 blitz-the-o-is-silent Follow

5 hr. ago

Look at this shit-ass sine we found in the living world

🩸 simply-moxxie Follow

4 hr. ago

[Image Description: A sign for Lucama Global Methodist Church; Those who eat the Devil’s corn will choke on his cob! // End Image Description]

And it’s spelled, “sign,” sir.

🫀 xoxo-millie Follow

4 hr. ago

country boys make do

#thanks for the id Moxx #irl source

( 69 notes )

⬜️ voxblr-meta Follow

5 hr. ago

Fanby’s Fake Dash Masterpost

#meta #fake tumblr dash

( 14 notes )

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I quit my job working for my dad and got a different job?

I (25fx) work for my dad (late 50s) at the machine shop he manages. My siblings (30m, 28f) also work there. I have pretty severe ADHD, coupled with autism and a healthy dose of anxiety, and it impacts my ability to work regular hours, mostly because of delayed sleep phase issues (basically my circadian rhythm is pushed several hours so my sleep time is usually like 12 or 1am to 9 or 10am) that I have tried literally everything under the sun to fix. That coupled with an inability to focus on the work that I'm being given (mostly office work. If I was in production I would be fine but Dad doesn't want any of us kids working in the shop cuz he wants to train us to take over for him even though none of us want to) means I'm averaging about 15 hours a week. Fine, okay, not a huge deal. I live at home with him and my stepmom and don't have to pay for rent or food, a fact that I'm endlessly thankful for and don't take for granted at all.

The issue is that I have about $1000 a month in student loan debt. I tried college three separate times, and in the end even after doing part-time classes, it was unsustainable and I wasn't able to complete my degree. My dad is only paying me $10/hr, which isn't nearly enough to cover my student loans, let alone leave me with any money for things like hobbies or going out with friends. I've talked with my dad several times about giving me a raise, even just to $12/hr, and every time he says that I need to put in more hours to prove that I'm worth it. Every single time I have tried to put in more hours, I end up extremely burnt out by the end of the week and end up needing to go back to my usual schedule.

To exacerbate the situation even more, I turn 26 in less than a month and lose my insurance. I have several prescriptions that cost about $100 a month with insurance right now, and I can't stop taking any of them. Even if I was eligible to join the company insurance, it would take so much out of my paychecks that I would be making almost no money each week. I am likely eligible for Medicaid and have been going through the channels to get that set up, but it's still an extremely stressful situation that's been taking up a lot of mental energy, further impacting my ability to work.

Would I be the asshole if I found a better job and quit? I know that pretty much the only reason why I can stay at home is because I work for my dad. The car I drive is a company car so I would likely lose access to it. I just can't work the hours he needs me to work, but I need more than $10/hr to survive.

What are these acronyms?

[notacelestialbeing]

i don’t disappoint (kazuha x f!reader)

(requested)

synopsis: you and kazuha are desperate for each other until one of you aren’t feeling too confident in your bodies.

warnings: slightly angsty, insecurities, sort of a br33ding k!nk, love making, passionate, str4p on s3x, f!ngering.

songs used: i don’t disappoint by jay park.

word count: 2k+

remember, your flaws are what make you human, they’re also what make you unique. so learn to love them, and remember that they aren’t against you.

┌────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────┐

you simply couldn’t take your eyes off of kazuha. she sent you a picture of her, at home, so ready to be bred.

you couldn’t do anything about it but suffer for the next two hours. you had to sit through a company meeting, if you wanted a promotion, you had to stay there the entire time. at least, that’s what your HR said.

“i've been working all, working all day girl

come and take the stress, take the stress away girl

So much bullshit, I need to get away from

a sex trip”

the moment the meeting ended—finally—you were the first one out the door. you couldn’t sit in the room with kazuha spread out on your shared bed running through your mind.

you barely paid any attention to the meeting. your head was constantly thinking of ways to make kazuha feel good.

you practically ripped off your tie as you ran to your car which was parked in the underground parking of the building. great, another setback. you thought to yourself as you core clenched and unclenched with the naughty little thoughts in your mind.

ring. ring. ring.

as you sat down in the car, ready to drive off. your phone began to ring, it was kazuha. at this point, to say that you were horny was an understatement, you were dripping niagara falls. you hoped she didn’t call you because she had to go somewhere. she wouldn’t do that. it would be so unfair.

“hey honey! i hope your day went amazing. fuck, you look so hot with your shirt unbuttoned. please just get home as quickly as you can. i’m begging.” she basically let out the words before she could even breathe.

your lips suddenly went dry as you looked at the pictures she sent while she was on call with you. this tease. you were so ready to teach her all the lessons in the world.

“you fucking tease. oh my god, you have no idea how i spent the last two hours in that meeting after you sent me those pictures. i was so close to just going to the bathroom and fucking myself.” you groaned as you started to become even wetter with the thoughts.

“well, you better come home soon. until then, i’ll get ready.” before you could even say anything, kazuha hung up the phone. you let out a deep breath and began to drive out of the parking lot and on the highway to your house.

“do the nasty things all through the night,

i'm outcha making this money but we'll be making love soon enough,

it's gonna be that brag to your friends about how good it was love,

it's gon' be that bed, movin' all across the room”

you sped home as fast as you could. parking your car in the garage and practically ripped the door open. the house was quiet, all you could hear was birds chirping outside.

you walked over to the living room and saw that no one was there. you decided to check kazuha’s location on your phone only to see that she wasn’t even at home. to say that you were deeply disappointed was euphemism.

you headed to your bedroom to shower and wait till kazuha got home. there wasn’t anything that you could do now but wait.

it was almost 11 pm, there was no sign of kazuha anywhere. you weren’t worried because she’s a grown woman who can take care of herself. you just weren’t expecting her to pull this stunt especially since she asked you to be at home.

the clock hit 12 am and suddenly you heard keys jangling, struggling to open the front door. you didn’t even make a move to get up and open the door, you were upset with her for making you wait.

kazuha entered the house, tip toeing her way to the living room only to see you glaring at her. she smiled meekly at you. you truly didn’t want an explanation from her, you were too upset with her to even hear her out.

“hi baby! why are you still up at this hour? don’t you have work tomorrow?” she asked as if she didn’t know what was going on. you could clearly hear from her voice that she forgot.

you simply got up, not in the mood to argue, and made your way to the bedroom to get ready for bed. you didn’t even want to have sex with her anymore.

you were too tired beyond understanding. you were changing to your sleepwear which consisted of an oversized t shirt and your boxers. you got into bed, not wanting to ruin your own mood any further and tried to fall asleep.

why wasn’t kazuha in the room yet?

you got out of bed, checking the clock and seeing it hit 2 am. you made your way to the kitchen where you heard little sniffles from, you were shocked. kazuha never cried unless if something truly hurt her feelings.

you ran up to her and embraced her in your arms, not understanding why she was crying so hard. her eyes were bloodshot, as if she had been crying the whole day. you held her tighter and kissed the top of her head as you rocked her in your arms.

“what’s going on my love? why have you been crying? i hope i didn’t make you cry because i ignored you earlier. if i did, i’m truly really sorry. i was upset with you but then realized how silly it was. sex is a choice and i was upset that you hadn’t helped me out, it was childish of me. i’m so sorry my love. i love you so much. talk to me whenever you’re ready, i’ll be here for you.” you were on the verge of crying just seeing her cry harder.

after a little while, she seemed to calm down. she looked up at you with her doe eyes and admired you.

“h-hi baby. you didn’t do anything wrong. you have nothing to apologize for, though i’m glad you understand sex is a choice. i’ll be honest with you, i… i was feeling insecure. i haven’t been loving my body the same as i did before. i’m so sorry for ruining the evening…” she breathed out, holding in a lot more emotions than she could let out.

you were so shocked. how did you not notice this earlier? her smile was much more dull than ever when she saw you. you felt so guilty for not being there for her, a piece of your heart shattering.

“baby, let me show you how beautiful you are. i’ll continue to kiss every inch of your skin till you realize you could grow flowers on every surface of your body. my love, you’re an angel.” you softly grabbed her face and kissed her with so much passion, it left her breathless.

“i don't disappoint, girl you know this yeah yeah,

i don't disappoint, girl you know it's good yeah,

you get all the points, when I score this yeah yeah,

i don't disappoint, girl you know it's good yeah”

you picked her up and brought her to the couch, still holding her as if she was the most fragile piece of glass on earth. letting her straddle you. you weren’t scared to drop her, you were just scared to break her.

you slid off the straps of her dress and kissed her shoulder, leaving little love bites everywhere your mouth touched her skin. you took off her bra next, making love to her breasts like they were the most precious jewels in the world.

you squeezed her breasts in your hands, letting a little tension build up in her as she moaned out your name. you let your hands slither down to her panties. she slowly got up so you could slide them down her legs.

tonight was about kazuha and her only. you left open-mouthed kisses on her stomach. you let her leave love bites on your neck as you began to make love to her using your fingers.

you dipped two fingers inside of her, moving slowly to build up momentum for the long ride.

“fuck.” she sounded so hot with every sound that escaped her mouth. you were creaming in your boxers at this point. you took out your fingers and let her taste herself before taking off your own t shirt.

but kazuha wasn’t having any of that. she got up and went to your bedroom, almost tripping along the way just to get your favourite strap.

you put on the strap on. just seeing kazuha sliding her pussy lips on it, did something to your own pussy.

“make love to me. don’t leave me disappointed.” you were about to laugh until you saw how serious she was.

“i don’t disappoint.” you moaned as you lifted your hips to thrust your strap inside of her.

“i don't disappoint, girl you know this yeah yeah,

i don't disappoint, girl you know it's good yeah,

you get all the points, when I score this yeah yeah,

i don't disappoint, girl you know it's good yeah”

you were not wasting anymore time with her. keeping the pace slow but hard. enough to make her legs shake but her heart beat with nothing but love for you.

“fuck, how can you ever be insecure with a pussy to die for?” you asked genuinely while looking deeply into her eyes. she just smiled knowing you truly loved her so much.

you pulled you close to her and hugged your face to her chest. you kept the thrusting going as your lips moved up top, making love to her breasts.

“i’m so close to cumming, keep going!” kazuha whimpered. her legs were shaking in anticipation of her orgasm.

it was almost as if her insecurities were dripping out of her pussy now. the strap was so close to breaking with the force you were putting on it.

“ohmygodimcummingjustliketha—“ kazuha’s body trembled like a leaf in the wind. she reached a high like no other gate to heaven ever seen before.

“i love you so much baby. i hope you realize that you being you will always be more than enough for me.” you smiled at her dazed state, pulling out the strap on and taking it off.

it was nearly six am, you two had no choice but to take the day off. there was no way you guys were going to work with no sleep in your system.

you laid down on the couch with kazuha laying on your chest, drawing random shapes with her finger.

“you know, you never disappoint when it comes to sex.”

“i don’t disappoint when it comes to being yours either, my love.” you winked.

[lucidmagic]

Modern AU BusinessWoman!Alcina x PersonalAssistant!Reader (part 3 of 3)

Here it is everyone! The final part to my BusinessWoman!Alcina and Assistant!Reader thoughts. I want to do the idea justice and hopefully one day write a proper story for these two idiots. But alas, I need to focus on other things. Don’t steal these ideas in the meantime. So I hope this suffices!

I marked the NSFW section where it begins and ends. Not explicit, explicit, but enough that you know what’s happening.

Enjoy you gays :)

Part One

Part Two

Playlist

12 days. The office knows something is wrong with Alcina and you. The past month was like the first month you were hired and they immediately knew something wasn’t right when Alcina began to go on near daily tirades. They started giving you side-eyes and you can hear the whispers. “Trouble in paradise?” “What happened to them?” “Is Miss Bitchtrescu about to fire them . . . are they about to quit?” Ignoring them to your best ability gets aggravating but you persist.

It was your last two weeks after all.

And it’ll be the worst two weeks of your career because you can see the end approaching and you’re walking to the finish line while your heart is trying to drag itself back into Alcina’s office.

You’ve debated telling her, to cross that boundary and just confess. You’ve even made a pros and cons list.

Cons: There’s too many to truly list out but there are highlights that you focus on.

She’ll reject you outright and laugh in your face.

She’ll say that the night where she tried to kissed you was a mistake and she feels nothing.

She’s your boss for fuck’s sake. (BIGGEST ISSUE)

She’ll report you to HR for sexual harassment or something like that.

Your career will tank and you’ll have to fake your own death and start anew.

She’ll know how you truly feel and the mortifying ordeal of being known is too much.

If something were to happen, it would be a PR nightmare if it got out (you can practically see the headlines now: “Dimitrescu Truly a Business Woman-- Sleeping with Her Secretary!” or “Office Smut-fest! Dimitrescu and Assistant Go at It!” or “Dimitrescu Daughters Have a New Step-Mother!”

Her being with you is a complete, utter fantasy.

A relationship could cause irreparable damage to her career and you’d rather quit now than let that happen.

The girls would bully you relentlessly.

Your breaking heart will finally split to pieces like it wants to do every time she doesn’t meet your eye like she used to.

She’ll never want to talk to you again.

You’re delusional if you think any good will come out of confessing.

You were just going to be a warm body for her bed that night and she would have kicked you out regardless.

It’ll never work out.

Pros: These are far fewer, but some are noteworthy.

You get closure and you can begin healing with time.

She possibly feels the same and you two start something. (Very doubtful)

Your conscious will clear and you can move on.  

If not a relationship, then a very ravishing one-night stand could happen-- you’re definitely not opposed to that at this point. A little of something is better than never having it.

You can possibly repair what you have and you can rescind your two-weeks and continue working, despite no relationship.

You get to continue seeing the girls and keep them in your life and you can be a part of game night again.

She can kiss you like she wanted to that night.

You can see her real smile again.

And really the fact that you can have multiple pages of cons and barely one for pros tells you what you need to know. The risks out weigh the very slim, virtually absent benefits. It’s simple logistics, that’s what Alcina would say. That’s just business.

11 days. Alcina knows she’s been a bitch-- well, more so than usual. The office hasn’t been this terrified and quiet since your first few months, and it is very disconcerting how she managed to slip back into her old ways. It’s welcoming and comfortable and it makes her feel in control again. Plus, it keeps you at arms length, despite the sorrowful expressions she’s been receiving when you think she isn’t looking. It breaks her heart all the more. But it’s saving you from wasting your time with her and moving on to better prospects.

The girls, while meaning good, are hopeless romantics and too naive. Things are complicated, far too complicated and this isn’t a book or a movie. They claim they know you feel the same, that they know if their mother can get her head out of her ass, you will accept her. It’s absurd really, Alcina Dimitrescu is getting romance advice from her daughters . . . but for just a moment, right before you entered her office with that damn piece of paper . . . she had hope.

That’s perhaps the most ridiculous part of it all: Alcina had hope.

10 days. You’ve been interviewing for various other positions, some in similar fields, others not. It’s been going okay, you think. Some called back, others not. Thankfully you have enough savings to pass the time if you fall between jobs. It’s a strange feeling, to know you can support yourself like that. If someone were to say you could two or three years ago you would have laughed in their face while trying to take the bus to your second job. If they also said you would have been endeared yourself to Alcina Dimitrescu and eventually fall head over heels for her without going on a single date, you would have been hospitalized from being unable to breathe.

Things were going so well and you were happy and Alcina was happy and the girls were happy and things are so fucked up right now. It would be easy to point the figure at the other woman, say it was her fault. But you’re too self aware that you know you’re just as much to blame and it’s a complicated situation-- the power dynamic, the blurring of professional boundaries, your feelings, the girls, the very different backgrounds of you two, among other things. You took the step to un-complicate it by putting in your two weeks notice, but part of you feels that was to just delay the inevitable. Should just rip off the band-aid and quit now.

And yet, you stay.

8 Days. There’s an incident in the Alcina’s elevator. She and you were riding back up to the office after a late meeting with the board. She was rattling off what needs to be done and you were taking notes when she shifts her weight like she does when her heels are making her feet ache. Suddenly, she wobbles and nearly plummets into you as her heel breaks. You just manage to catch her before she falls flat on her face. But you hear her suck in a sharp breath and see how her ankle rolled beneath her weight. She cussing up a storm and ranting about how they don’t make heels like they used to and you’re holding her up and she has her arm around your shoulders to not put pressure on the twisted limb and the situation is ridiculous, so ridiculous, and for a moment it feels like it used to. So much so, you crack a joke at the situation. Without even pausing, Alcina snips back like she did in the past and then you both are laughing as you help her to the couch in her office.

For a moment you forget about everything and it’s just you two. You get ice from her in office bar and let it soothe the quickly swelling ankle. There’s still some awkwardness around what can be said and what is acceptable and professional. Alcina made sure of that for the past month.

“Bela,” said Alcina suddenly when silence fell between the both of you. “She has a recital for her violin this Friday. She asked if I would extend the invitation since the performers are allowed to have up to five reserved guests.”

Your first reaction is to immediately say yes. Your second is to say no. But, of course, it’s Bela and by extension the girls, so you agree on your third reaction. Alcina gives you the details through a possibly, poorly concealed smile but you think that’s just the trick of the light.

4 Days. So fucking stubborn, you think as you enter the auditorium, just barely managing to get there on time before the doors close. Of course Alcina wouldn’t keep her promise and keep weight off the foot. She’ll regret it the next morning you bet. Alcina’s perfectly manicured brow arched upwards as you slide into your marked seat only seconds away from being late-- out of character for you. Cassandra and Daniela immediately swarm you with greetings and questions and tales as much as they can before the lights dim and the performances start. That’s when you notice you’re sitting right next to Alcina and will be for the next two and a half hours, brushing shoulders and fighting for the arm rest.

(When Bela’s eyes scanned the audience, she smirks to herself. She loves it when a plan comes together.)

Bela’s performance was spectacular, as one would expect from a Dimitrescu, deserving of the standing ovation she got. When the group meets back up with her, you make sure to present the stain glass and metal rose as a congratulatory gift. You remember Bela saying one time she doesn’t understand the giving and receiving of flowers-- they just die in a few days anyways. The artisan down the road just finished the rushed order for you that night and it’s the reason why you were nearly late. You ignore Alcina’s strange gaze as Bela hugs you tight.

Somehow the girls rope you into getting ice cream afterwards, and part of you fears you will overstay your welcome and in Alcina’s good graces, but she doesn’t show any discomfort or anger or anything negative that you can tell. With that, you can pretend, just for a moment, that things are right and that you belong there beside the Dimitrescu family. Even when you’re carrying Daniela to her room, excitement and sugar crash finally catching up to her little body and the other exhausted girls opening the doors to help, you’re pretending like this won’t end in less than a week.

With all three daughters in bed, night time I love you’s given by their mother, it’s just Alcina and you in a too large mansion with too many unsaid words between. Alcina walks you to the door, where her driver is heading your way to take you to your apartment.

“The girls appreciate you coming tonight, especially Bela.” She says when you are at the door.

“It was my pleasure,” you reply.

Alcina stills and sucks in a breath, as if she’s bracing for something. “And . . . I appreciate it as well.”

Your gaze immediately snaps to Alcina’s. You will your heart to stop beating so loud in your ears.

“You’re a good assistant.” Immediately when those words leave her mouth, she regrets them-- that wasn’t supposed to be said. Damn Alcina’s lack of emotional forthcoming.

Ah, there is it is, you think. An assistant. That’s all you’ll ever be to her. And you weren’t just good-- you were the fucking best. “Thank you.”

The curt note in your voice makes Alcina’s eyes widen. “I mean it,” she starts again, trying to salvage this. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and the girls.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.” You turn to the door and step into walkway. “Goodnight, Alcina.”

The door closes behind you and you’re bathed in the driver’s lights and there’s a nip in the air which the only the night can bring. Your mind is a rush of thoughts and emotions that you can’t quite parse out, and stepping into that car solidifies your choice, and frankly you’re just fucking pissed and done with the whole situation. You’re. Just. Done.

You burst back through the door, startling a remorseful Alcina. “What--”

“I think it’s time we really talk.”

You push past her. You settle in one of the many rooms you know the girls won’t hear the discussion if they’re sleeping. Alcina trails behind you and it’s a bit hilarious to see the woman so lost, especially in her own home. But you’re too pissed to care.

“You can be an absolute bitch sometimes.” You catch the look on her face, clear shock. “You’re arrogant, haughty, and overall just spoiled and at times entitled.” Your tone keeps Alcina from voicing her objections. “Incredibly demeaning and condescending, even on good days in the office, and frankly I don’t know how you have not been reported in droves. Your communication skills are lacking and you blame people for not being able to read your mind. You’re also extremely passive aggressive when you don’t get your way-- that much is clear in the past month.”

You pause and let the silence fill the air. Alcina’s face is crossed between shock and something else you don’t care to decipher and she can’t quite meet your eyes. You swallow the lump rising in your throat. “But you’re also incredibly intelligent, scarily so sometimes, and you’re a hard worker and any company would be lucky to have you.” You blink away tears. You hate crying and you’d rather not cry now of all times. “You may not like it, but you have a bleeding heart and you care about fairness and you’ll fight for people if things seem unjust. You don’t take shit from anyone, even the board. You’re also hilarious in this sardonic way and sometimes it’s hard for me to not laugh in meetings. You’re generous and you anonymously donate so much each month it’s almost unfathomable.”

You inhale, trying to hold yourself together. “The girls absolutely adore you and they want for nothing and you do your damnedest for them and give them everything. You’re an amazing mother and they are so lucky to have you, and you them.”

Alcina is staring at you strangely and you can’t meet her intense gaze. “Frankly, you have a chocolate addiction that is sometimes terrifying how much you go through in a week. You never compromise your morals, even in the face of obstacles and possible benefits from turning the other cheek. You say you don’t like trashy tv but when its on in the house I catch you watching it like the girls do. You sing sometimes, in the office, when you think no one is listening and it’s beautiful. You say you don’t like my puns but I see your smile regardless.” You pause and exhale. Things just keep coming out and you can’t stop it.

“Yes, you can be a bitch and a bit overwhelming, but you’re also incredibly human and this past year and half has been a whirlwind of everything. And my biggest mistake, honestly . . . has been allowing myself to care so much for not only you but the girls. And sometimes it felt like you cared as well . . . but that night-- and then how you acted afterwards makes me think otherwise.”

Alcina doesn’t say anything. Only stares in that mysterious way you can’t quite place at the moment, not with the tears starting to blur your vision.

“And tonight, with you and the girls, it made me forget how things actually are. And it’s so fucking confusing because--”

You stop mid-sentence, when you get a look of Alcina’s face. A real, good look, one where you’re not blinded by your own self-pity and hurt and heartbreak. You know that expression, eyes soft and gentle liquid gold and her granite like face relaxed like she’s in awe, and she’s staring at you with such intensity that it makes a delicious shiver run through your spine. It’s the same stare she gave you right before she tried to kiss you that night. Only now, you know she’s sober and it’s in the middle of the house’s office and your heart skips like it did that night.

You suck in a breath. “Because . . . because you’re looking at me like you did that night and as much as I want you-- I’m still fucking hurting because of you.”

Alcina swallows and looks as though she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself. “But you pushed me away.”

“Because you were drunk. I didn’t want you to kiss me, knowing that you weren’t going to remember-- and for fuck’s sake get off of your damn foot!”

So

Fucking

Stubborn

You eventually guide Alcina to the nearest settee and quickly find some ice for the now swelling joint, all the while grumbling under your breath. She looks somewhere between amused and in awe (and pain because her injury has come back with a vengeance). The discussion calmed after that, but that doesn’t mean it was over. You two have a very long and thorough talk-- a long overdue one by the sound of things.

There are too many things to untangle right now nearing midnight and definitely not something that can be straighten out in a single sitting. You’re still hurting and so is Alcina. There are still doubts lingering in both of your minds. There is still the issue of technically being her employee-- HR and the board will have a field day if you two start something, with many people wanting to sweep Alcina’s position right out from under her. It’s a tricky thing, one that requires time and patience.

But you can’t keep the goofy grin off your face every time she catches your gaze and gives you that same damn look, like you splattered the night sky with stars and hung the damn moon. You shiver each time she takes your hand in hers and plays with your fingers, and you can’t help but notice you love the feeling of her fingers intertwined with yours.

It’s a soft, gentle start, one you never thought you’d ever have with Alcina. And it was perfect.

Especially when she sends you off to the guest room with a kiss on the cheek and the silent promise of tomorrow and beyond.

(At the top of the stairs, money is exchanged between Bela and Cassandra.)

1 Day. You rescind your resignation Monday morning. Much to the surprise of the rest of the office.

You and Alcina came up with a plan: You will stay for another month or so, help pick and train the new hire so there will a more peaceful transition unlike previously. Keep things professional and inconspicuous before the office and the board. HR won’t have a conniption and Alcina’s enemies won’t have any ammunition. And then once that month ends . . . it’s fair game. Besides, what’s another month anyway?

. . . Apparently un-fucking-bearable. Because the unspoken attraction between you both suddenly being spoken and exposed has made you hyper-aware of every motion and look Alcina gives you and your will to not pounce on the woman is fraying.

And Alcina isn’t helping. Ever since that night, she’s become a fucking tease-- calculated, “casual” touches not there before, looks over her dossier that would make anyone stumble or kneel, and sweet yet mostly sultry things whispered when she knew no one was watching or listening. And her expression when she pulls back and acts as if nothing happened tells you she’s enjoying this way too much. It’s dangerous, considering someone may see and report, but you know she’s thought ten steps ahead and won’t do anything she knew would be guilty looking. She doesn’t do it often enough to get sloppy, only enough to catch you off guard.

A caress across the small of your back as she leans over to fetch a paper on her desk, the brush of her fingers across your thigh as she gets up from a table, or even the skim of her (now relatively healed) ankle against the back of your knee as she sits beside you in a meeting. It’s maddening . . . but also addictive and you hate that you love it.

Well, two can play at this game.

There’s a meeting that could have been an email and you and Alcina are at the head of the table with the other higher ups looking at a proposal from a consulting company. You can tell by Alcina’s dead stare that she won’t sign on with them. Without taking your eyes away from the presentation, your hand slowly descends on her thigh, first caressing her knee and slipping slightly under the hem. Her eyes cut to you so quickly it could have been the trick of the dim light. After a few seconds your fingers gentle caress patterns across her skin and muscle, her thigh pressing more surely into your touch-- permission to continue. And you do and find a sensitive spot just on the inside of her thigh that makes her limb jump slightly and you make a mental note of it for later. When the proposal is wrapping up, you (reluctantly) let your hand slip away and resume the innocent, unsuspecting assistant-- the rest of the meeting members none the wiser. Alcina’s eyes were dangerous for the rest of the day.

Another time, you and her were going over some reports at the end of day, office long deserted. Alcina’s usual updo was slowly falling from the crown of her head and some of the tresses are falling along side her face and honestly she should have known you couldn’t resist brushing them away. You soon find yourself unraveling the rest of her hair with no resistance and raking your fingers through her luscious locks to the tune her sighs and slight moans. It would seem Alcina Dimitrescu likes her hair played with . . . you wonder . . . you give a little tug and her reaction confirms your suspicions. Eyes fluttering, lips parting, gasp escaping. You thank her for letting you explore by planting a kiss behind the shell of her ear. “You should let your hair down more,” you say whispering into her hair, her shampoo, conditioner, and perfume intoxicating. She laughs, eyes half lidded. “I’ll take that into consideration.” The next morning, Alcina enters the office with it unfurled and it takes all your might to not openly admire.

You love that Alcina has a private elevator, for multiple reasons. 1.) You don’t have to squeeze into another at high traffic times in the public ones, crammed into the corner. 2.) It’s a good place to just breathe and collect yourself in relative isolation 3.) It doesn’t have those annoying musical jiggles in it and 4.) Now, without prying eyes, you get to hold her hand.

The month goes by so slow, yet so fast. The new assistant is adequate by Alcina’s standards-- which is a boon in their favor. Maybe this one may survive yet.

9:02AM. You don’t really know how to feel about your last day-- you’re strangely calm when you were getting ready that morning, but the moment you step into building your nerves ignite.

12:10PM. The office throws you a going away party-- surviving close to eighteen months, setting a new record. They ask where your path leads you and you sheepishly say you don’t really know-- the extended month at the company has screwed up job hunting prospects and so you’ll be between jobs until then. It’s terrifying, not having a clear plan in place, yet you can’t deny that the unknown is also enticing to some degree.

You can’t wait to start this new chapter.

4:58PM. The hours pass. Eventually the office files out one by one. Everyone says goodbye and you say possibly the last goodbyes to some of them and you exchange a few hugs to those you’ve grown close to. You still have some small things to finish up on and arrange before the new assistant takes over.

5:39PM. You’re done. Actually done. You finish up the final arranged schedule and sit back into your chair. Done. No longer Alcina’s assistant.

5:43PM. You knock on her door. The sun is setting and the golden rays cascade her office in radiant, brilliant colors. But they don’t compare to her eyes when they land on you or when a smile graces her face almost immediately at the mere sight. She takes off her glasses and shifts her papers over to the side and gets up to meet you halfway-- her brow arches when your finger flicks the lock on the door. She keeps silent despite it.

You give her a giddy smile. “I finished my last assignments.” She just hums and steps closer. “So I’m done.” She hums again and this time you take a step. “Final day.” Her fingers brush your jaw and lift it, gentle yet scorching. “Technically, my day ended at 5 sharp.” You lean into her touch. “. . . I’m no longer your employee.”

Her eyes turn dark, hungry, despite the easy grin on her face. “No, you’re not.”

It doesn’t matter who initiated it, because you’re suddenly kissing her-- finally kissing the woman before you and who has stole your heart for months-- and she’s kissing you back with such fervor and want and longing. It’s everything and more than you ever imagined. This moment was an inevitability. She’s so warm and sure against you and your mind is hazy and you can’t focus on nothing but Alcina’s taste, scent, noises, and touches. There’s smoke on her tongue and a tinge of vintage-- no doubt to calm her nerves-- and she’s fucking delicious.

(NSFW below)

You want more.

No.

You need more.

Despite your smaller frame, you push against her and she relents and backs away with you guiding her. She groans when her legs meet the edge of her desk and the sound rattles your soul. Alcina scoots on the desk and you immediately slot yourself between her legs, where they quickly bracket your waist. Distantly one of her heels clacks to the floor. Hands find curves and divots and softness and honestly you can’t discern where she begins and you end even with clothes. She feels so good against you and so right and honestly why you two didn’t do this earlier is fucking ridiculous and HR can go fuck themselves-- like you’re planning to do to Alcina.

You nip, lick, kiss, and generally assault her pale neck and the moans that it releases from the other woman spurs you on with renewed fire. Somehow your hands manage to find the hem and zipper of her skirt and slide them down her beautiful legs. She hisses and throws her head back when you press a knee to her bare core and god that image is seared into your mind and you’re certain it’s the most gorgeous sight you’ve ever seen. And you did it.

Your hands and mouth travel down and down and down, kneading, licking, and utterly consuming whatever flesh you can reach. She’s open and inviting and absolutely gasping your name when you finally kneel before her, her fingers raking across your scalp and yours find her thighs and spread them wider, showing your prize for your patience. Her hand on your head urges you forward, a silent plea and last order of the day.

You smirk and finally lean forward and aid in Alcina’s need.

You always were a fantastic assistant.

(End of NSFW)

You learned many things about Alcina as you two stumbled into your apartment (closer than the manor) and make up for so much lost time. Here are some of the highlights: 1.) her neck and chest are sensitive, and you mean sensitive, to the point of her almost finishing several times, 2.) she’s just as perfect completely naked as she is clothed, and it took you a few seconds to appreciate and admire the woman and register that this was real and not some sadistic dream of yours, 3.) She’s absolutely insatiable, enough so that you two didn’t stop until the wee hours of the night and you and her collapsed of near exhaustion, 4.) Her hair is just as sensitive in bed as well as out of it, a fact that you exploited, much to her pleasure, over and over again, 5.) Waking up to her sleeping form, body bare, hair wild, twisted in your sheets, the next day is one of the best things imaginable, and 6.) She never had anyone make breakfast for her the morning after and bring it to her in the bed, and she was very appreciative of that, despite the cold eggs afterwards.

Alcina stayed the weekend at your apartment, as the girls were still out on their school trip. Of course, most of the time you two were in your bed (or your couch, or even your kitchen, thoroughly christening the space). But still, you also just . . . existed, watching movies and tv shows, talked about anything and everything and even did errands.

Insert rich people obliviousness and memes:

“Darling, I can span your apartment in less than eight strides-- I’m very concerned right now. Do you want me to buy you a new one?”

“It's one banana, dear. What could it cost, $10?”

 “Your car is a safety hazard for the road and you. Please, let me buy you one. What do you want? Mercedes? Bentley? I can have it delivered by today.”

“They’re just scrambled eggs. How hard can it be?” Apparently, very.

“Tony’s Truck Tacos? Is that even legal?” Yes, and Alcina very much enjoyed them despite her earlier complaints.

You and Alcina accidentally tell the girls by showing them, when they get back from their trip. The girls were overjoyed that their mother invited you as it has been for too long since the last time. It was also on that night that you finally managed to beat Alcina at Settlers of Catan and a near riot broke out with the girls hollering about the queen has fallen and a new dynasty has risen. Alcina’s pouting didn’t help your laughter, and you instinctively kissed it away. Which of course, led to an even bigger riot and louder squeals. You were tackled with their hugs and Alcina didn’t seem too concerned with your apparent near suffocation.

There are some hiccups and disagreements, typical of a new relationship, from your differing backgrounds, and you two being out of practice of having a partner. Alcina sometimes regressed back into her boss mentality, especially during the early days, and you make sure to tell her to not treat you like before. You still have your doubts about yourself and the relationship, particularly when you know others are pursuing her, not knowing she does have someone to go back to. It’s not that you think Alcina would do anything, more the fact that you still can’t wrap your mind around the fact that she would want you versus others-- ones who are more her speed in terms of class and money. You know it’s your insecurity but the doubts are still there, lingering, and you hate them.

“You don’t think I have similar thoughts?” Alcina says after you finally voice your concerns. “About you and I? How could this brilliant young woman who has her whole life ahead of her want to be tied down to a cynical, old crone like me? Trust me, my dear, I wait in baited breath that you wake up one day and realize your mistake.”

You make sure to let Alcina know what you think of her-- utterly intelligent, still incomprehensibly beautiful, and deserving of your time. Breaths, touches, whimpers, and all. And she tells you how she’s grateful everyday that you’re in her life and how you’re worthy of her attentions. Whispers, caressing, moans, and all.

Her head rests on your chest, legs entangled in yours, and your fingers carding through her silky locks, her favorite position when you two are drifting off to sleep. In the silence of the room and night, you let loose the words on your mind and in your heart, “I love you.” She stills and suddenly your murmuring about how she doesn’t have to return the words and that you were just being silly. But her lips find the center of your bare chest and then your throat, silencing you.

Her eyes shine brilliantly gold even in the shadow draped room and you can just make out a gentle smile on her lips. “And I love you.”

There’s adjustments especially the different life styles. Alcina likes spoiling you, and you don’t mind the smaller things, but sometimes she tries to give you very extravagant things-- she nearly bought you a pent house for your five month anniversary, for crying out loud. You’ve since compromised in that you don’t mind the bigger things, so long as it can be shared with her and the girls, such as trips, outings, and experiences you never thought you’d get to do years ago. You want for nothing with Alcina but it still takes you by surprise with how much she’s willing to give without much thought.

At eight months, you’re making pancakes for the girls, which has become a Friday tradition for the most part before school. The three of them are still waking up and shuffling around and when you serve them. Daniela takes several flapjacks and absentmindedly says, “Thanks, mom.”

You barely keep yourself from reacting as the other two girls stare and tease when your back is turned. It wasn’t until the girls leave you allow yourself to smile and bask in the little moment.

You tell Alcina eventually, about the mom-incident, after a day or two. You wanted to keep it to yourself, to see how it settles in your heart but the warmth there only grew. She’s surprisingly quiet and you fear that you must have overstepped in some way. “I, uh, hope you don’t mind.”

She blinks and gives a small smile to calm those doubts in your head. “No, I don’t mind.” She pauses. “Do you mind?”

“No, not at all . . . I find it rather nice.”

At ten months, Alcina and you have a talk about introducing your relationship to the world. There have been several close calls lately and it was because of her connections and influence that the tabloids didn’t run them. You both would rather announce it yourselves and get ahead of the story. The joys of dating a multi-millionaire you suppose. It was a long discussion, but one that needed to be parsed out.

At eleven months, you make your official debut and as expected the gossip goes wild. It’s during a gala celebrating the anniversary of the company and of course Alcina has to be there and you decided why the fuck not make it worthwhile and make people turn heads. Alcina was all aboard, enthusiastically so. You were already turning heads as her plus-one and dressing to the nines. Watching people trying to piece things together, with some in denial and others finally getting it was hilarious and Alcina looked upon the chaos with rapturous attention.

“Let’s make sure we get the point across,” you say, taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor. There’s a mischievous glint her eye that is mirrored by you. Alcina always loved dancing, all kinds and any era. So to say her teaching you certain ones was inevitable.

It felt more like floating rather than dancing, especially with Alcina leading and swaying and twirling along with the swell of the music. Her eyes never left yours and her grin only grew as the song started its decline. And with a final twirl and flare you’re pressed against her chest, gazing up and suddenly she’s kissing you so deeply, so completely, you think you may have fallen in love all over again.

Of course, such public displays of affection won’t go unnoticed, especially to your parents. Who would have thought all they needed was to see you happy and in love thanks to circulating pictures and videos of the dance to finally come back into your life after over a decade of no contact? Well they did one month and they were pissed. You were dating a woman! You were dating an older woman! You were dating an older woman with children no less! How dare you expose this shame to the world and to their families, friends and coworkers! What were you thinking disgracing the family name like this?

You laughed straight in their faces and told them to go fuck themselves. “Family” didn’t matter when you were kicked out.

“But aren’t you sad?” Cassandra said, after you filled in the Dimitrescu girls. “They’re your parents. Your family.” You smile at her and give her a kiss on her forehead and catch the other girls’ eyes.

“I don’t need them. I already have one.”

You give Cassandra advice when she goes on her first ever date.

You teach Bela how to drive.

You help Daniela with her science project.

You cook for the girls and Alcina and they love it when you let them help. Alcina still can’t cook worth a shit but she tries her best with her signature pout. She is the best chopper, slicer, and garnisher though.

1 Year and 2 Months. The girls bring home a scraggly dog-creature-thing one night and honestly you’re still not sure what Toast’s breed even is (obviously the girls name him, due to them always wanting you to make him breakfast with them). Alcina was hesitant about him and insisted she would never care for the thing. Which is fine. The girls and you care for him just as fine, but you do hear the other woman catch him up on shows’ plots and characters and hear her coo to him and snuggle when she thinks no one is looking. Toast seems to be an excellent listener and cuddler.

1 Year and 6 Months. Alcina finally gets you a new car like she’s wanted since she first sat in the thing. It’s admittedly expensive and classy, but you love it. She seems proud of herself as well, judging by her shit-eating grin when she was showing off the features. The leather seats are plush and soft, the gadgets and interface is sleek, and the cabin is roomy enough to . . . well. Alcina laughs into the crown of your head, placing a kiss on your sweaty temple, as you collapse against her, panting and overheated and in decrescendo from your peak. She hums, “I take it you appreciate the gift?”

You lean back slightly and brace against the headrest, nipping at the edge of her jaw, just seeing how her eyes flutter close. Your hand descends slowly and then suddenly cups her, earning you a low, guttural hum and renewed vigor. “You don’t know the half of it.”

2 Years. Alcina treats you to everything she can offer. She takes you to her family’s old castle in Romania (just rich people things you suppose, having spare castles just laying around) where she practically treats you like a queen. Dinner, jewels, time, trips across the countryside, her. Part of you wishes you can give her even a fraction of what she’s given you. It’s the same part that claws at your esteem and sanity. You doubt it’ll ever truly go away, but it has been quiet for some time and you nearly forgot it was there.

You express as much to her, both of you wrapped in silk sheets and nothing else. “I just wish I can give more. It’s the least you deserve.”

She kisses your doubts away (and then some) while spelling out exactly what you’ve given over the past two years. Your amazing mind. Your unconditional love. Your endless compassion. Your immense patience. You give everything you can and then more, she says, for someone as undeserving as she. You laugh at that, disbelieving, yet let her continue. She says she would give you the world if she could-- but she’ll settle for this one last thing.

She talks, suggesting she wanted to wait until later in the trip but now seems just as good as any, as she retrieves something from a secret compartment in the bedside dresser (again, just rich people things).

Your heart thunders so loud in your ears and you gasp and there’s a slight tremble in your chest with anticipation and shock. Tears blur your vision and you already know the answer. Alcina opens the box with a soft smile with her heart and soul in her golden eyes.

“May I give you my name?”

So, yeah. This got out of hand lol 😅 😅 😅 

But anyway! I hope you all had a wild ride (you know the Reader has).

Hopefully one day I’ll write and actual story with this idea (with more description, plot, and dialogue obviously), but I have to finish up another. I have a few ideas for an overarching plot and other scenes, and it’s likely that this will act as an outline, but the final story may diverge in some ways. But until then . . . I hope you all enjoyed this, I certainly did writing. Everyone of you who commented on the posts and sent me asks are amazing and made this all worth it.

Stay safe and healthy!

[kaitlynpcallmebeepme]

Two hearts beat as one

Two hearts beat as one

Spencer Reid x Fem!reader

Idea: Spencer x reader friends to lovers based the idea off of a blurb from @rintsuru where Reid shows the reader a magic trick where he writes something on a card and shows it to the rest of the team (they know he likes you) and shuffles the deck and pulls out not their cards and then says something like its behind your ear and then that's when the reader pulls the card out and reads will you go on a date with me. Reid frames that card in glass later.

Add a part where spencer just loves how she thinks of random things, after she gets shown the card and answers she says, you know the doctor had 2 hearts, how do you think cpr would work on him

Requested: Nope.  @halloween-is-my-nationality​ This was the Spencer idea I had that I said I would write.  

Author’s Note:  Ok, 12 hour night shifts aren’t terrible, for me at least.  It’s just bad when I either have not gotten sleep the night before or I have to do something the morning I get off.  I’m currently 7 hrs after getting off my night shift and I’m not tired enough to go to sleep, so I finished this (which I also started on my bored night shift last night).  I’m going to try to sleep after this.  I made the perspective Spencer’s in the first person for the most part.  I couldn’t resize the card picture.  Requests are still open.  Feedback is always appreciated.  Also, tell me if you want to be part of a Tag List and I’ll tag you when I upload something new.

Warning: Just some cuteness, card magic, Doctor Who references, and Morgan being the big brother that Spencer needs.

Word Count: 1,351 

“You can’t just keep staring at her forever pretty boy.”  There goes Morgan again teasing me about my very obvious, but still trying to hide it, crush on my co-worker and team member.  

“I’m not staring.  I’m silently observing and you were staring at her first, I just followed your line of sight.”

“But I haven’t kept staring at her for 3 minutes.”

“2 minutes 47 seconds. You’ve been staring at her for 23 seconds.”

“Just ask her out pretty boy. You got some game to you.”

“The last time you tried this with me it was really awkward, we were on a case, and in a loud bar.  My brain was distracted with too many things that time.”

“It’s definitely distracted now.”  I hate to admit when he’s right.  She’s the only person who can make me lose my train of thought if she’s speaking or just listening to me.    

“Ok well if this is so interesting to you instead of all of the other women throwing themselves on you, then at least try to be helpful.”  I couldn’t stand Morgan’s teasing much more.  Yes, we hung out every weekend and watched some nerdy show or movie.  So what.  Garcia has seen most of them already and Y/n’s the only other person in this building who will watch any of that genre in general, much less with me.  She’s just perfect, from the way she’ll read Harry Potter at her desk or has Supernatural and Sherlock stickers on her laptop and will trace them with her fingers every so often.   

“Hey, I'm trying to help my brother ask out his future wife.”

“And you’re jumping from step negative 10 to 8 of relationships.  I start on the scale at a negative 20.  Work with me.”

“If you are not going to ask her out, there has to be reasoning behind the hesitation.  You only ever do things when the odds are in your favor.”  That was one thing Morgan was right on.  There was a lot of hesitation.  No one’s ever liked me that way, liked or put up with my rambles, and wanted to stick around for the stressful and dangerous career I chose.

“I just don’t want her to not like me then leave like those who left before.”

“I guarantee you that won’t happen.  You guys hang out every break we get, she’s met your mom, always sits next to you on plane rides, plays with your hair when you don’t notice, knows to grab you lunch and take care of you when you won’t take care of yourself, and if we could, you two would be sleeping in the same room on cases.”  What a list Morgan.  You’ve been keeping tabs on us.

“Hotch would probably make us have ground rules to keep professionalism so the department doesn’t separate us off the team.”

“So you do want there to be an ‘us’?” Morgan’s teasing tone is so annoying.  But I have to admit he’s right.  I want to wake her up to breakfast in bed and read to her until she falls asleep next to me.  

“I just don’t want to lose her either way.”  

“I get that.  It’s the fear that’s holding you back.  Fear of if it’s worth it to not have that happiness but still have her in your life.  But, from what I can see, the way she look at you, always asks about how you’re doing when I get a call from her on a case, the way she's the first person you ask anything to case related or not.  You two were made for eachother.  You aren’t going to find that magic in just anyone.”

That phrase hit me.  I know now how to ask her out without saying anything and, if I’m honest with myself, it was one of the better ideas I’ve come up with.  

"You know what I'm going to ask her right now."  I opened my office desk drawer, grabbed two things, and marched off to her, avoiding the unnecessary stress from Morgan’s smirk.  Having already finished her paperwork, she was reading Goblet of Fire at her desk, but her attention turned to me as I went up to her desk.  

"What's with the cards Spence? You have another magic trick to show me?"

Ok Spencer, now or never. 

"Yes, and so you don't have to memorize the card number I'm going to write on this one and this will be your card." I took out the marker I had brought with me and wrote on one of the cards.

"Are you sure Spence? Wouldn't that be ruining a good deck of cards?"

"It's fine.  Now." I flipped the card with the note on it over so only the back showed and she didn’t see the message.  I could start to see the team at least gazing in our direction wondering what was going on.  I turned back to her because I wouldn’t be able to finish this if I was focusing on the team.  I placed the card in the middle of the deck.  "These are going to get shuffled by you." She grabbed the deck, split it in two, shuffled it three times, and handed it back.  Counting strategically I moved a couple more cards out of the deck that I knew weren't hers.  I placed one card in front of her.  "Flip that card over and see if that's it." She picked it up and, not surprisingly, it wasn't her card. I flicked through the backs of a couple more cards deleting some from the counting.  I handed her another card. "Is that your card?" 

She flips that card over. "No. Spencer are you sure you're doing this right?"

"Yes I am.  Ok, one more try."  I pay close attention to cards as their stiff corners flip through my fingers.  I pull out the last card, my nerves rising as I pushed it across the table to her.  "That's your card." I said with the most amount of confidence I could mustard up at the moment.

She picks it up, and her eyes widen.  

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes. I would love to go out with you Spencer Reid."

She smiled as she held the card.  I was just cherishing that this moment went so well for how little time I planned it. 

"Did you pick the two of hearts because of our two hearts or because the Doctor has two hearts and we both love Doctor Who?"

"Mainly for the two of us and that couple saying 'two hearts beat as one'."

"How do you think CPR would work on the Doctor since he has two hearts?"  That was a question I wasn’t expecting after this.  Back to our nerdy-selves.

"Well they showed that in the 2005 version Season 3 episode 1 where Martha performed CPR on the Doctor.  Although it was inaccurate CPR as she did 5 compressions per breath where as it's supposed to be 30 compressions then two breaths, and the doctor was suffering from blood loss as well as hypoxia, so compressions and breaths alone would have done little to help without a transfusion or a fluid bolus, but I think it would still work as long as the compressions are helping to pump both of his hearts. However, I sus- *kiss*."

I did not expect her to kiss me that quickly.  It was only a quick kiss as she also knows I’m not someone who shows big signs of PDA, especially in the work place, but I’d let her kiss me any time.  

"And that's why I love you Spencer Reid."

I could care less about the fact that the rest of the BAU could see us, or that Morgan was probably about to clap me on the back, or Penelope filming this whole interaction right now.  I found my other half.  She kissed me again, longer and deeper this time, and then took the playing card. "This is getting framed, so you'll be down one card babe."

"That's ok. I don't think Jack and Henry will mind."

[minthe-lover]

Chapter analysis 218

Now I don't fully mind this chapter, I really do like the hypnos and I think it's a decent transition chapter to the next big plot points.. sort of kinda.. my reactions are mixed.

To start on a very positive note, I fucking love hypnos. This is sarcasm done decently well, along with him calling hades out on his shit is what I desperately needed. Also... I fine it pretty fun that he's just casually dicks out the whole time.

Now I think it's just a problem with the webtoon spacing but this episode that like... a weird completely blank panel before the title that isn't really on any of the other episodes but again that's a generally small mistake that's not that big a deal.

Now my biggest problem with this chapter is that it has ANOTHER GOD DAMN FLASH BACK. Like jesus even single flash back we get makes me think that season 2 should've ended right after the trail and we should've had season 3 be the ten year time skip, then have a fourth season with all the current shit. Like I went back and counted, out of the 12 episodes we have depending on how you count its either 5 or 6 episodes with out flashbacks... and there are three episodes that are ALL flashbacks.

If a story has a timeskip but then spends half the time after it to have flash backs.. you shouldn't have done that timeskip. If y'all want to see good time-skips read land of the lustrous. It has multiple massive time skips from anywhere from a month to ten thousand years but it works cause of how to ties into the story. Each time-skip is used to amplify the Main characters isolation, memory loss, and to show the stagnation of the immortal world they live in. The only flash back the land of the lustrous has is a few panels during exposition of event that happened before the story starts, and it never has flash backs to the timeskips.

In Lore olympus the time skip is used to... be able to have romantic moment between the important plot shit. It just feel clunky and makes each episode feel like each one should be done better... the suspense it would build for the kronos plot if done in order, seeing the progression of Persephones powers, seeing hades and Persephone grow apart from each other. Just... it would have been so so much better.

Now to another thing I really didn't like about this chapter is just.. how hades doesn't have his priorities straight. Hades is supposed to be you know focused how kronos did alot of fucked up shit, but he's worried about wine and hypnos using a doorway to go a realm. Like hades, your more worried about getting paid then not having an hr department.

Though again Hypnos calling hades out on his shit along, along with his general vibe and look is a great change of pace. It doesn't feel like lampshading.. tho it's honestly probably what it was for, to have Hades mess up acknowledged but then ignored.

That and also.. I really hope we get more of Morpheus mainly cause of the trans representation... that was never mentions in the story. Like christ when scrolling through the comments I saw two calling Morpheus a 'genderswap'.. so it's clear that even people who have knowledge of the original greek morpheus just think this one is a women and not a trans women.. and it sucks cause this representation sucks.

Another main problem is again.. the fertility powers that are just a catch all. Why is the tree persephone grew more connected to her fertility powers and not her plant ones? why is just being near the tree enough to give kronos a bunch of power? It's very much just a catch all power that can just be... anything. Also it's really sucks that the fertility powers never really tie into the whole "deconstruction of purity culture".. it's almost never mention to her sexuality in any way.. like the closest they get to that is apollo but that plot has been shaved down and ignored to basically nothing.

Another thing that is really annoying me is how serious scenes are undercut by goofy faces. Which really terribly shown in this episode... like we see hypnos be imprisoned and like have this honestly AMAZING shot of hypnos being inside kronos rib cage like a prison. Like that really cool idea that could have been a completely terrifying panel... but then rs gave hypnos one of the "funny" faces.. tat just completely ruins it. Especially taking into account that he is canonically being fucking tortured. Please please someone redraw this panel and make it look more serious.. cause holy shit I love and hate this panel so much.

Now I don't fully mind the while child god thing... yet, Its really to early to form any opinions on it till we actually first learn who it is and see how it's dealt with but having the big important plot point lead into a "harhar persephone hot joke" just... the pacing the clash in vibes is just bad.

Again this chapter highlights how bad the transition after the kronos fight was, instead of having a scene catching up with these characters we get persephone admitting to basically ignoring eros... Also like damn eros good job as stealing my insult about her outfit before I even thought of it!

The outfit itself just clashes with her outfits before, Persephone has been shown to prefer longer tight dress, sweater and similar things. This just... isn't it, it feels off and the whole banana purse thing looks odd.

I'll talk about the whole sex conversation with the next chapter.. what I wanna cover is just how.. they talk like a teenage rom-com that's desperately trying to keep a pg-13 rating so talk like middle schoolers who get nervous by just saying the word sex. It just feels.... off..

[puzzled-zebra]

I don’t normally post things on here, but since I know some folks get worried about a lack of activity from me, I just wanted to let y’all know I’m going to be…busy for the next week or two thanks to the ransomware attack on Hillcrest systems across the nation, whom I work for as a scribe.

Everything is on lockdown electronically which makes everything actually hell. Patient’s safety is at risk in more ways than one and that asshole hacker is making already overworked and underpaid medical staff EVEN MORE overwhelmed. I’m so fucking mad. Why can’t this shit happen to some big mega billionaire corporation? Why healthcare? This country’s system is rough enough on both patients and healthcare workers as is, why make it worse for everyone?!

Can’t order medications without manually writing out each and every one of them and faxing them, can’t order labwork or imaging or make referrals without manually writing each and every one them out and faxing them, we can’t even chart (not like I have time to with my doctor’s style) so I’m just scribbling down changes so I can make proper charts later once this whole mess has been taken care of. Essentially triple the work with no additional pay for it.

On top of it EVERYONE is scared about how the system was breached. Even I am, and I don’t go freaking anywhere with my laptop. Delilah stays at home where she’s hooked up to a password protected wifi and has an absolute tank of an antivirus software that makes her lag for 3 hours. I don’t hardly ever check my email let alone open any new mail. I rarely ever use Delilah to even browse here! I use my phone! But you never know until the source has been traced! It could be anyone, which means could be you, and my anxious butt REALLY doesn’t like that.

And these are just my gripes as a paranoid, overwhelmed, crybaby $10-12/hr scribe (idk if I ever got that $2 raise) with just the added work, but it makes me incredibly upset and stressed about how this will effect our patients. Most of my clinic’s patients are elderly and have problem lists and medication sheets a mile long. Our ERs and hospitals have to divert patients to other hospitals. People are going to die from this ransomware attack on our system. These kinds of delays will kill someone and it’s just heart dropping.

Like, healthcare having shitty overwhelming work hours is essentially part of the territory of working in healthcare. You go home tired and feeling like shit but are happy to know that your 99 year old patient is still kicking and lively and has all their marbles to have enjoyed their golden years and probably a few more to go. But having someone outside of our system disrupt our ability to deliver proper care to patients is just…it’s rough.

I know I’m only a scribe, but I’m my old doctor’s eyes and hands, I make the prescriptions and labs and referrals on his behalf; I’m working with his nurse on what diagnoses codes we need to work with to help insurance be more willing to cover for procedures; they feel like my patients too… It’s… distressing… Knowing all we can do is just hang on and try our best… I just hope it’s enough. I hope it’s only a week. Just a week. God I hope it’ll only last a week.

Anyway, if I suddenly cease any activity over the next 2 week, I’m not dead. I just will be wishing I was while attempting to keep this computer-less system somewhat working or at least organized until the computer system is back.

[nerteragranadensis]

15 people, 15 questions

Tagged by @doorfus! thank you!

are you named after anyone?

kind of? I have the same name as one of my dad's friends from college, but idk if he named me after her.

2. when was the last time you cried?

Christmas Eve.

3. do you have kids?

nope!

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

basketball mostly... also soccer, horseback riding, and ultimate frisbee.

5. do you use sarcasm?

yeah....

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

their face, I guess? especially the eyes and nose. I think faces are really interesting.

7. what’s your eye color?

brown.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings. I do like scary stuff but I'm also a wimp and I always want it to end well.

9. any talents?

hm. I tend to focus more on skills (learned, practicable) than talents (supposedly innate). I am really good at writing and English grammar, though. and knitting!

10. where were you born?

Alaska, USA. I was born on Dena'ina Athabaskan land.

11. what are your hobbies

reading, writing science fiction, knitting, mending, and cooking lately.

12. do you have any pets?

none of my own! but I am currently living with 2 cats.

13. how tall are you?

5'5" / 165 cm

14. favorite subject in school?

English

15. dream job

novelist... I just want to write my little stories. alternately: in a world with a guaranteed livable wage and a 20 hr/4 day work week, I would be a janitor. I loved that job. just not enough to let it destroy my body.

tagging @capitalismdisruptedmybarbeque @coldwind-shiningstars @swinging-stars-from-satellites @aethersea

[chalkrevelations]

Ritual in a box.

Piety Fortnight - aka my annual two-week ritual cycle in observance of the Ludi Plebeii - starts tomorrow: Daily public ritual in an outdoor plaza at the heart of the city, although this is the thirteenth year of it, and I've had to make some hard decisions acknowledging age and time, this year. I think I'm going to have to throw in the towel and accept that, on the three days a week I'm scheduled to work, I need to do this at home, on my personal altar, and head out to the plaza on the other four days, which is the difference between getting up 15-20 minutes early and getting up almost an hour early - in the cold and dark - before getting to work at 6:30 am for a 12+ hr shift, and then turning around to do it the next day.

At any rate, up early tomorrow, to get out there before it gets too weekend crowded, and it kind of snuck up on me this year, so I've only just been dusting off ritual scripts and making sure the Shoebox of Ritual is properly supplied: Reusable bottle of water for offerings and purification; bag of runes for divination/ritual omens; notebook and pen for anything to be noted down, including omens; lighter; honey for offerings; camp candle (with carrying bag) for ritual fire; couple of small containers - one of grits, one of barley - for offerings. Incense plus a taper candle (sort of melted after sitting in the trunk of the car in hot weather, but still useable) to help light candles.

I know the Altoids tin altar is a thing, but I don't have to refill this one every time I use it, and it's easy enough to tuck under my arm and carry. Breaks down easily to fit into a backpack if we're going to be doing ritual at any kind of direct action, with water bottles serving both ritual and drinking purposes.

Not pictured: Scarf or other head covering, which I use for Roman-influnced rituals - I'll usually just sling that around my neck before I head out, or pull up my hood, if I 'm wearing a hoodie, so I don't always keep something in the box.

[derpylittlenico]

15 Questions for 15* Mutuals

tagged by the luminous @exlibrisfangirl

1. Are you named after anyone? Originally, yes. Now, also yes, but a different person.

2. When was the last time you cried? An hour ago. Tbh, it was an emotional moment in the fic I was reading.

3. Do you have kids? I helped raise two younger sibs. That's enough child rearing for me, and they turned out great.

4. What sports do/did you play? As part of a team...t-ball, soccer, volleyball. I was a ✨Theatre Kid✨, so wasn't really into it.

5. Do you use sarcasm? Do bears** shit in the woods?

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone? I have the dubious benefit of being a "brain shoves all the input at me so that a small crowd can make me short circuit" person, so? It's never one thing. It's usually a combo of posture + presence/vibe + interesting physical feature and/or style choice. Also? Scent, bc my delicate lungs means I'll notice if you bathe in your perfume/cologne pretty much right away.

7. What's your eye color? In the 2010s, they called it glasz.

8. Scary Movies or HEA? Depends on my mood. I was literally raised on cheesy 80s horror classics, so love them like some people love Rom Coms. HEAs are lovely too

9. Any talents? Writing. Editing (it's DEFINITELY a separate skill set, from my experience). Cooking without a recipe. Baking. Coming up with cocktails. Admin stuff like scheduling appts.

10. Where were you born? Sunny California

11. What are your hobbies? Reading, Writing, creating moodboards, drawing basic maps/floorplans

12. Any pets? Not anymore.

13. How tall are you? I'm 5ft 6in of sassy agéd twink.

14. Favorite subject(s) in (High) School? French & English

15. Dream job? If it paid well enough that I wouldn't have to work 65+ hrs a week just to eat and pay bills?? Freelance editing. I can work in pjs, take pee breaks when I wanna, and sit in a summoning circle of coffee mugs.

*I'm not tagging 15 people bc I know a lot of y'all flat out hate/block these things. So? Answer if you wanna, whether or not I tagged you

**the ursine kind. I don't presume to speak for the kind who wear flannel and jeans, or the ones in leather pants. I'm not gonna tell those hirsuite hotties how to live their lives.

tagged peeps (ignore if you wanna)

@worldtravellingfly @beaconfeels @laternenfisch

...I know that's not a lot, but? I am not gonna tag those of you who don't like these. However, if you see this and wanna play along? This is your invite. You can say I invited you. :3

[neonsbian]

OKKKK i finished watching all the oceans movie so here is my definitive ranking:

Ocean's 8 - women criminals, easy win. ok but seriously, all i want from an oceans movie is a fun little heist and i not only got that, i also got homoerotic tension bw debbie and lou. there were fewer characters but i genuinely think that was to its benefit bc i actually remember everyone and it also establishes a reason for everyone willingly participating in a heist. also, i like that they didn't rob a casino. the whole magnet thing for the necklace was kinda unnecessary imo but whatever, u need that moment of 'oh no we didnt plan for this!' in every heist movie, it didnt take away from the fun

Ocean's 11 (2001) - i mean, it was a fun little heist and i got homoerotic tension bw danny and rusty. i had a good time overall and it was fun movie. i think when u got such a big cast, its gonna be hard to give a shit abt all of them and tbh, i didnt even remember some of the guys names even though i saw all of the movies. also no one explains their reason for doing the heist (except danny ig) which personally detracts for me. again, it was just a good time

Ocean's 13 - i don't really have anything to say, it was just a good time overall. points off for not having any women besides the woman who works for bank but we got more danny ocean yaoi so :/ also there wasn't enough yen imo

Ocean's 11 (1960) - i think the idea of a bunch of war veterans robbing 5 casinos in las vegas on new years is really interesting but idkk man it was kinda boring, they spend more time talking abt their lives than the heist and the heist itself wasn't rlly that interesting to watch? like the plan was more interesting than the way they pulled it off. i do think its funny that none of them got away w it tho

Ocean's 12 - all im looking for when im watching an oceans movie is a fun little heist and that is not what i got in this movie. the set up for the plot was stupid, every gag and joke went on forever and was not funny, the french guy who hated danny pissed me off, matt damon pissed me off, the only women in this were love interests and one of them was a cop!!! that movie was 2 hrs long and it felt even longer somehow

[dollystuartwrites]

Not Holding Back - Chapter 02

Pairing: Boss!JacksonWang x f!PersonalAssistant!reader

Genre: fluff, smut, obsessive behavior, Jackson-is-a-fashion-designerAU

Wordcount: 1090

Chapters: [1] - [2] - [3] - [4] - [5] - [6] - [7] - [8] - [9] - [10] - [11] - [12] - [13] - [?] MASTERLIST

Summary: When Y/N starts working as a personal assistant for the director of TEAM WANG DESIGN: Jackson Wang himself, she finds it hard to hide her secret. After all, she used to be a massive stan of her boss! But she's not the only one holding back...

Warnings: Swearing, degradation, sir kink, namecalling,  masturbation, obsessive!Jackson, dirty talk, corruption kink?,  praising,  sexual fantasies, fingering, posessive!Jackson,  grinding/humping by both parties, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, use  of sex toys, lots of teasing, orgasm denial, breeding/impreg kink?, WILL ADD MORE AS STORY ADVANCES, PLEASE LMK IF I MISSED ANY

Jackson leaned back in his chair as he stared at you. Was he disappointed? Was he impressed? You were quite sure he hadn't picked you himself. Your interview had been with someone else from HR. Had they even shown him your resume? Or was this just some sort of surprise for him.

As if reading your thoughts Jackson spoke;

'Sorry, I've been quite busy lately,' He said with a sigh, gesturing at the designs in front of him. 'I think I should've received your CV about a week ago. It must be somewhere under here...' he said as he rummaged through the binders and loose papers on his desk.

'Ah there it is,' he said, picking up a paper that looked slightly crumpled. He put it up to his face to read it, his face disappearing behind it.

You simply stood there, feeling nervous and picking at your nails.

Jackson quickly read through your resume. Normally he was a fast and accurate reader, but right now he was having difficulty concentrating. He wanted to drop the paper and just look at you. Stare at you. For hours. But he had to focus.

He read that you were younger than him, and lived nearby. Both good. He was pleased to see your zodiac matched his and he couldn't help the corners of his mouth curling upward slightly.

Of course, he had been looking for a serious personal assistant. His previous one left after she got married and had a baby and he couldn't blame her. She was good, simple, and plain and he had always been happy with her. He was happy that she got her only family now, and understood that she wanted to work less, and more regular hours, but he had still been sad to see her go.

As he had set out the search for a new personal assistant he had been looking for someone similar to her. Plain, simple, no bullshit or fakery. Just doing what they were told without question or concern of breaking a nail. When HR told him they had found exactly that, he had been satisfied, not bothering to check up on the new recruit as he trusted his staff to make the right decision for him. But never had he expected to be so captivated by this girl.

He wasn't even sure what is what about her that fascinated him. That made him think of things he normally wouldn't think of at work...

'Says here you're straight out of college with no actual experience as a personal assistant,' Jackson said nonchalantly.

'That is correct, sir,' you said, happy that he finally showed his face to you again from behind the paper, but still incredibly nervous. Would he decide HR made a mistake? Would he still dismiss you?

Jackson held in a groan. The way you called him "sir" was enough to spark a new kink inside him.

'Do you even know what a personal assistant does?' Jackson asked, his husky voice slightly lowering. He couldn't help himself. He wanted to tease you. Push your limits, see how far he could go and if you were as innocent as you looked to him.

'Erm,' you said hesitating. Was this a test? Probably. You looked into his dark eyes, trying to think of anything but failing. Your mind was blank. You blacked out.

Jackson cocked an eyebrow at your silence.

'Erm,' you repeated, 'anything you want, sir,' you decided. There was nothing else you could come up with.

'Anything I want?' Jackson said, tilting his chin, his eyebrow still raised.

'Yes sir,' you answered nodding, still picking at your nails absentmindedly.

Jackson's mouth curled into a smile. God, he just knew he could have so much fun with you.

'I'll keep you to that promise,' he said grinning.

'Yes sir,' you answered automatically. Once more Jackson suppressed a moan as a reaction to your submissiveness. He stared at you for a moment.

'Is there anything I can do for you right now, sir?'  you asked awkwardly, trying to be of service and starting to feel uncomfortable with all his staring.

Jackson cleared his throat and sat up.

'Right, yes,' he said slightly vague. He had to remind himself he was at work. He needed to focus. Shit needed to be done. He would play with you later. 'Yes, I need you to organize these designs into a folder, doesn't really matter how. Then bring them to the design team and tell them to go over them once more. They will understand what I mean with that,' he added grimly.

'Yes sir,' you nodded shortly, walking up to his desk to receive the papers from him.

You tried hard not to freak out now you were standing so close to him. The only thing separating you was the desk between the two. From here you could smell his cologne. Fresh but warm like a summer breeze.

You tried your best not to look at him. You stuck your hand out to take the papers from him as he handed them to you, trying your best to keep your hand steady and hoping to god he wouldn't be able to hear your heartbeat pounding out of your chest. Just as you grabbed the papers, one of his fingers brushed accidentally over yours. You instantly dropped the papers.

'God, sorry, I'm sorry,' you said quickly, not looking at him and trying to hide your face which you were sure was bright red.

Jackson didn't say anything as you scrambled the papers together quickly.

It had only been barely a second, and accident but he had felt it too just like you had. A heat flow had shot up from the place he had brushed you. He stared at you as you hastily put the papers back together again. Although he couldn't see your face, he could see the redness of your ears clear as day.

Without facing him again you dashed over to the door but before you could leave, he called out your name. It gave you shivers.

'Y/n?' he said with a low calm voice as if you hadn't made a fool of yourself already. You stopped at the door opening, not daring to turn around to show yourself. 'Get some water too, will you?' his voice sounded friendly, unconcerned, and casual. He didn't seem mad or annoyed with you at all. But you could be wrong. Without saying anything you nodded again, before dashing away, the door closing behind you.

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S02E12: Acts of Sacrifice Table of Contents • previous episode

work went from '''part time''' to "hit 40 hrs by thursday and work 10-12 hrs every day" and that felt like I was about to do myself a post-surgery injury so I quit and have been back in bed resting. fucking bummer, dude.

But, back to B5!!

Space battle for a strong opening!

oof, war crimes out the ass. The Centauri government/military just love killing civilians. And words cannot express how supportive I am of G'Kar showing anyone and everyone video proof of their war crimes.

:( :( G'Kar is fighting so hard for his people. And no one will help. Average government behavior :( :(

The Centauri's justifications are frequent ones I've heard pulled out about the USA;s imnperialism. Well deserved, an excellent blow, and depressing again at how relevant it continues to be.

The Lumati being introduced as a new-to-the-humans advanced civilization makes me wonder again how much of the galaxy is explored and mapped. I love it when the worldbuilding draws me in and makes me want to know more about it. Some series, when I wonder about things it's because the story doesn't make sense in some way.

Sheridan's idea of diplomatic training seems to be to tell Ivanova to handle it with the information and knowledge she already has. Love that for her, hah.

G'Kar's diplomatic style has dramatically shifted - he has always been interesting but he's becoming more compelling.

Ugh, Londo. Petty suffering isn't enough for him right now.

That's a fucked-up stance for Sheridan to take, tbh. Do better, guy.

Petter suffering all around! It was slick work by Ivanova to steer the Luminary into the tour she already had planned for them, but has got to be painful dealing with them on the tour anyway.

Aww, is Londo feeling ostracized? Left out? Sucks to suck.

Only at episode 12 and tensions are this high already.

It genuinely sucks for G'Kar that he just doesn't have allies on any side. His own people on board the station are bound and determined to see his diplomatic efforts sunk.

Damn, the bartender is really rubbing it in! I do not feel bad for Londo that he was stood up.

Really super lame way of connecting with the Luminary. Your late stage capitalism has created a disempowered underclass. We're impressed!

Way to go, G'Kar. It'll be good for him to win a battle.

Their love can bloom while making clandestine deals. It's a good look on both of them.

Man, G'Kar is gonna do whatever it takes to preserve the little aid he's getting. I want so much better for him and the Narns.

Well, no idea where Ivanova got that idea. I thought she'd offer them a hearty handshake.

Ugh, grossest way to be a little less violently murderous, Londo. Makes me so glad that victory tastes bitter to him.

next!