#+++ late tag:

[i-trash-about-things]

a.n.: this is a very self indulgent blurb about the local metalhead I've been obsessed with after ending ST. Call me a basic bitch if you want, Eddie's the coolest.

First person perspective; use of Y/N, Henderson!Reader; GN!Reader; Reader and Eddie are childhood friends; Reader is Eddie's age (20); Eddie and Chrissy survived, Vecna didn't (because fuck'im dried grape looking mf); mentions of puking; mentions of violence; fluff; slight angst; English not my first language; first time writing for Eddie, might be OOC.

word count: 4.2k

High School dances and second chances.

Some people say falling in love is hard. Aerosmith even says it's bad on the knees.

I don't know. I mean, if I recall correctly, I've only been in love once before and I never truly thought it was hard.

Maybe it's just because Eddie's easy to love. Despite what literally everyone else says, he's the easiest person to love I ever had the pleasure of meeting.

I mean, c'mon– for this feeling to have lasted all the way from 6th grade to his third senior year of high school, it couldn't have been hard.

And yet...

"It's not worth it, it's all I'm saying!"

"How it wouldn't be worth it? The worst thing that could happen is Jason will try to knock your brains out–"

"And we all know that Jason doesn't stand a chance to your personal bodyguard," I use the can of Pepsi on my hand to gesture at myself. "yours truly."

Dustin nods to my words, eyes wide as he looks between me and a surprisingly awkward Eddie.

"See! It'll be easy! Just- ripping off a bandaid!"

"You two really are siblings, huh?" He grumbles, sending me and Dustin the same done look. Dustin sputters, trying to explain himself, but my lips just curl into a familiar shit-eating grin.

"What can I say? Simplicity runs in the family."

And, to some degree, it does. Or maybe Dustin just spends way too much time with me and it's slowly catching onto my motto: "why overcomplicate things?"

Eddie sighs, glancing over his shoulder to the subject of our conversation. Chrissy Cunningham, cheerleader and queen of Hawkins High. One of the sweetest girls I've ever seen, even as she cried when I held her hair out of her face, the toilet in front of her smelling of stomach acid.

You see, while I've been in love with Eddie for most of my lifetime on this god forsaken world, Eddie has been on the same dilemma. Only this time, it was worse (or better, depending who you ask).

He's been in love with Chrissy, but instead of following my example and being her best friend, he's barely spoken two words to her, especially after the Vecna accident.

I never truly understood how that worked. Maybe it's because his situation is so different, and yet so similar, to mine. How could he love someone without speaking to them? Being their friend? Hell, how could he be even attracted to them? It's mind boggling to me.

But hey, who am I to judge? I'm way too enthralled in the process to make a fair judgement anyway. They'd revoke my law-license.

As my thoughts drifted for a second, my eyes lost in the way his bangs brushed over his eyebrows, he and Dustin keep talking in low voices.

"Dude, even if she doesn't outright laugh at me, she probably doesn't even want to look at me!"

"That's even better! That means she'll won't even remember it if you guys bump into each other again!"

"He has a point." I break out of my silence, not even noticing what I'm doing until I'm setting a cigarette between my lips. "It's literally just a high school dance. Which you ditched, twice, the last two years you didn't graduate."

My smile turns soft at the corners– because this time he did. I'm so damn proud of him.

"Point is: the worst that could happen is she'll softly turn you down. Chrissy is one of the sweetest girls I know, she won't be a bitch about it."

"Language!" Dustin extands a hand out and I grumble as I hand him a dollar. Eddie doesn't even blink at the interaction, already so used to the Henderson siblings he's not even fazed anymore. Instead, he just sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, I know... It's just–" He stuffs his face into his hands, grumbling and huffing like a child.

Cute.

Breathing in the cigarette smoke, I jump from my seat by the bleachers and walk over to Eddie. My hand finds his shoulder, squeezing for half a second, and I can only hope he can feel the warmth and care and love I have for him right now.

"Eddie."

He raises his eyes, beautiful soulful brown eyes that remind me of hot chocolate and fall, and for a long moment we just stare at each other. After that, a soft smile blooms at my lips, and he relants.

"Ugh, fine."

"Atta boy." I pat his back, chuckling as he sends me a look. Dustin let's out a sigh of relief, just happy to have this conversation over with.

It's easier for him, the person he loves loves him back, after all... Even if she's hundreds of miles away.

(I remind myself to recheck if Suzie's plane ticket is confirmed when I get home. Don't want the surprise for his birthday to be cancelled.)

On the first opportunity of getting out of this conversation, Dustin dips, saying he's gonna check out with the guy's and talk later. Soon, it's just me and Eddie by the empty gym, cigarette smoke twirling between us.

"Man..." He chuckles, passing a hand through his beautiful hair. "I can't believe I'm getting nervous about going to prom."

"I just can't believe you're going to prom. Honestly not that impressed you're nervous." And he rolls his eyes dramatically as we take our seats again.

"Oh yes, because you never were nervous before."

"And I never was." I lie through my teeth, a bad habit I've been developing the last few years.

I make a point of not mentioning how I always grow nervous to leave Hawkins to college. How I always get nervous when I come back, thinking this it'll be the time he found someone to replace my spot on his life. I mean, it isn't that hard, right? I'm just his best friend, I'm not that special. There's probably hundreds of people that would make an even better job at it than me.

"Never? In your whole entire life?" His voice both snaps me to reality and sinks me deeper into my self deprecation. I just chuckle, shaking my head with the cigarette on my lips.

"Nope."

"Not even when I almost killed your character last session?"

"Not even then."

"What about in that one presentation in sophomore year? Or when you were applying for that fancy-schamcy university of yours?"

"Nah."

He sputters, shocked. Because yeah, I'm not lying.

Because, even if the character I played all through high school died, even if my presentation sucked, even if I didn't get to the college of my dreams- he would still be my Eddie.

Now? Now I'm not so sure.

We stay silent for a while, at least until the burning of the cigarette reaches the filter and it burns my fingertips. When he breaks the silence, I almost don't notice, too deep in my own head.

"What's up with you today?"

"Hm?"

"See? That! You're so out of it!" He scoots closer to my side, pressing his legs against mine, shoulder against mine, until I can't sense nothing but him.

I wished he would do that more often.

"I'm just tired. Driving for two hours after spending a whole day in a cold ass college classroom ain't that fun, you know?"

"You're not, tho. I know you, dude, maybe more than you know yourself."

A bitter chuckle leaves my lips before I can hold it and Eddie's big, expressive and hypnotic eyes express his confusion way too well.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, just..." I trail off, not sure what to say. He doesn't give me the time to think.

"What, you're saying I don't know you? After spending a good portion of my life with you? You think I'm that dumb?"

"I never said that, Eddie." I send him a look, one that not even I can explain. It's dark, it's piercing, it's... It's just pitiful. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

"Well it's not like you're giving me much to work with!" He groans, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, tattoos shifting on his skin. I have to stuff my own hands in my pockets to not trace over them with my fingertips. "You've been distant."

"Have I?" I mumble, still not sure what to say so I just fiddle with the broken lid of the old Pepsi can. He takes the it away from my fingers, forcing me to look at him.

"Yes. You have." He spits out, hand on my shoulder, eyes piercing into mine. Maybe if I was stronger I could return the look, but... I'm... "Y/N."

"Yeah?"

"Talk to me. Please."

"Eddie–"

"Please."

I let out a shuddering breath, pressing my face into my hands.

"I don't know... I don't... I can't..."

He pulls me to him, until I'm not beside him but in front of him. I can't hide, not when I feel like my limbs weigh a thousand.

"Then try."

...

Words...

God, why must I have to talk? Why can't I just... Show? Like, having powers like El and being able to just project my feelings for him to see? it would be so much easier. Show something I could never put truly into words.

But haven't I been doing exactly that for the last 9 years of our lives?

I take a deep breath, eyes stinging a little.

"I'm..." My tongue feels like it's made of lead, spit feeling like acid on my lips. And I just groan out the next words. "I feel... Bad."

"...Ok. That's a start." He nods eagerly, squeezing my shoulders in a sort of awkward encouragement. "Bad for what? Did I do something wrong? Is it something from college? Family?"

"No, no- you didn't do anything." Which is only half a lie. I rub a hand down my forehead, hair falling over my eyes as I let out a heavy sigh. "It's just... This prom thing, it... It feels bad."

"Why does it feel bad?" He asks, more directly this time. Soulful brown eyes, confused. I have to turn away from them to not get lost in my train of thought.

"I don't... I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just... Regretful?"

"What? Why would you be regretful?" He keeps pushing, keeps asking, knowing me well enough I'll probably just run into a wall of jumbled up feelings and words if he stops. This guy truly knows me too much. "You had a good time at your prom night, didn't you?"

"I mean... Yeah?" I scratch the back of my head, sighing. Yeah, I did have a good time on my own prom, about three years ago. So why does the thought of him having that same fun makes my chest burn?

...

Oh.

Oh, shit.

It's because he didn't go with me.

Like he could physically see the lightbulb turn on behind my eyes, Eddie lifts an eyebrow.

"So? What's the problem?"

I bite the inside of my cheek, looking desperately for an excuse. I don't want to come out as clingy, much less jealous. I hate hate hate feeling jealous, possessive. I hate it. I don't-

"Y/N?"

"It's just–" He won't let me think of a lie. That little shit. Instead I sigh, passing a hand through my hair and looking away. "I don't know. It feels funny thinking you'll actually go this year."

And I let the half sentence linger in the air, while the last part sits just beneath my tongue: when you didn't go with me when I invited you.

"And that makes you feel... Bad? Why? That... Doesn't make any sense." He frowns, like he senses there's something I'm not telling yet. Damn him.

"Yeah, I know it doesn't." I shrug, bitting my tongue and leaning back against the bleachers seats. My arms are crossed over my chest, ankles crossed as well with my eyes staring up at the ceiling. Closed off. Distant.

If he knew me for any less time, he probably would've backed off, but sadly for me–

Suddenly I feel him leave my side, getting up from his seat, then walking to stand directly in front of me.

"Y/N. C'mon."

My normally nonchalant and relaxed expression feels way too heavy right now, my eyes shifting to look at his beat up boots with mismatched laces.

"I... Just..." I groan, passing a hand through my hair again but tugging on it like I'm trying to get my head in the game. "Promise you won't laugh. Or hate me."

He's way too used to my need for reassurance. Eddie leans down, until he's face to face with me despite the fact I'm still sat. There's that damned smirk on his lips, the one that makes me want to play with his hair and–

"I promise, I won't hate you. I must've told you that, like, a hundred times now."

"...Just... Just making sure." I clear my throat, flushing a little in embarrassment... Before letting out a sigh.

"I'm... I feel bad because... I... I'm not sure how to explain it." I play with my rings, shaking my head like a snow globe, hoping the new perspective will help. "Uhh... Remember when I graduated? 2, 3 years ago?"

"Yeah? What of it?"

"Remember I asked you to go to prom with me?" Surprisingly, his eyes light up a little, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. So soft, so beautiful and so damn easy to fall in love with. Damn him.

"Yeah, I do. You made a whole corny ass prom-posal thing, made me go on a treasure hunt and everything."

"God, don't even talk about it." I flush harder, feeling even more embarrassed. God please just take me out. He frowns at my reaction, crossing his arms.

"What? I thought it was cute."

"Yeah, yeah, if you say so..." A grumble leaves my lips, just wanting to get to the roots of this conversation. Just get it done and over with so I can get back to loving him silently. "Point is, back then, I was actually kinda excited. I knew you didn't graduate that year, but I thought 'hey what's funnier than not passing but going to the party anyways?'. I made all these plans where we would go around playing pranks on people, wanting to make you feel excited for something but..."

I close my hands, breathing slowly.

"You backed out."

There's an unintentional dramatic pause, where I try to get used to this sense of vulnerability. It feels excruciating, like he's picking me apart with those beautiful eyes of his.

"And I understood, because of course I did. It made sense, I guess it would've been too painful. I really didn't, and still don't, hold it against you, I just..."

Looking for any kind of comfort on this awkward and vulnerable situation, I bring my knees against my chest, almost mumbling my next words.

"I just... Kinda wished we could've gone together, I guess."

And another beat of silence.

My skin tingles with the feeling of his presence a feet away from me, the way I can feel his eyes boring into my head as I nuzzle deeper into myself. I kinda feel like an armadillo right now. Or those little insects that turn into balls– what were their names again? Maybe I should make them my next tattoo.

Before I can let myself drift away, I feel him move.

He takes a step forward, crouching to meet my eyes. He looks so... Soft. I mean, he always has a certain tenderness to him, but this is... It makes my heart melt and race at the same time.

God damnit, Eddie.

"You actually wanted to go to prom with me?" He looks so sweet asking that, the vulnerability in his eyes matching mine. I chuckle, his question making me frown in confusion.

"Yes? Duh?? I thought going through all the work of setting up a chessy treasure hunt would be clear enough, dude."

"No, but–" It's his turn to let out a small laugh, eyes boring into mine like it's the first time he's ever seeing me. "I thought I was just... A pity invite. Like you were trying to make me feel better by inviting me instead of going with someone you actually wanted to go and dance and be cheesy with."

The sheer thought makes me pause, the confusion and disbelief he would ever think that making me feel a whole less awkward about my little moment of openness.

I set my knees back down, frowning at nothing in particular before a confused giggle leaves my lips. My eyes finally turn back to his, and it's like a spark of fire flies up in that.

"What??? Dude, no??? I genuinely wanted to go with you! I was looking for matching suits and everything!"

The confession would probably make me blush at some other point, but I just laugh right now– not noticing the way his own eyes widened and cheeks turn warm.

"Plus, who else would I invite?? You were the only person I remotely liked at that point in high school, and not only that you were– you are my best friend! I wouldn't want anyone else!"

WOW OK– Back off a little, Y/N, we're going a bit too much into the too-honest category. Slowly back away into besties again, or else he'll finally catch on the fact you've been in love with him for a good portion of your life. Beep beep beep–

He doesn't give me that chance.

Before I know what's happening, his hand is on mine and he's pulling me off the bleachers and to him– but we fall onto the shiny floor of Hawkins High gym.

He doesn't seem to mind the fact I'm crushing him a little, right now. All I can feel is his face on the crook of my neck, arms around my shoulders with our legs tangled together.

"Jesus– A warning, Eds–"

"I love you."

...

what

My mouth moves before my brain does.

"I love you too."

And for the first time, I'm thankful for that.

Because, after the split second of panic, I let out a melancholic chuckle, nuzzling into his hair.

He loves me, like a best friend does to the other.

Not like I do.

Not like Orpheus loved Eurydice, not like Darcy loved Elizabeth.

Not like I do to him.

And I've made my peace with that, so I just hug him back, feeling my heart break and race at the same time.

"No, Y/N–" He pushes me off of him, just enough so he can look at me. I have to plant my forearms by the side of his head to not fall off. He looks so pretty beneath me like this, hair sprawled around like a halo, cheeks stretched into the smile I fell for. "You don't have any idea how much that meant to me. I'm serious."

"Well, it's the truth." A soft chuckle leaves me, and I shrug. "You're literally the only one I want to go to prom with, why'd you think I ended up going alone?"

"What, you didn't had a backup date?"

"What?? No, I didn't have a "backup date", ew. What I mean is I did have offers, you know? A few people asked me to prom."

"What! You– You never told me that!" He grabs me by the shoulders, and if I wasn't planted so firmly over him, he might have shook me like trying to get me back to my senses. "How could you never tell me that, Henderson! I'm your best friend, God damnit!"

"I didn't think it was that important!"

"How could you think it wasn't?! It's a big damn deal someone tried to take you away from me!"

God damnit Eddie stop saying stuff like that-

"No one could ever take me away from you, you know that."

...Maybe I need to stop saying stuff like that.

"Yeah, but still! Who was it?? Was it someone I know?"

"Does it matter? They already graduated! We probably don't even recognize them anymore!" I can't help but laugh, chuckling as my hair falls around my face like a shaggy curtain. "Plus, it's not like it's gonna make a difference, the guy I actually wanted to go with didn't go with me."

He stops at that, hands weakening their hold on my shoulders. I immediately regret saying that.

"Oh. Right, yeah. I'm..."

"Eddie, hey, it's fine." I immediately jump up to reassure him, shaking my head and sending him a soft smile. "I really don't blame you for not going. Like I said, it must have been a bitch to not pass then have to go to prom. Really, I get it."

"I mean, yeah, but..." He looks away from me, tilting his head to the side. His bangs shift, hiding one of his eyes. "You were so excited. I never thought I would see you happy to go to a dance, much less a school one."

A puff of a laugh leaves my lips. My arms are starting to hurt from holding myself up like this.

"Yeah, it was a surprise to me too. But hey, it's fine, it's in the past. I had my turn at prom, now it's yours! And you're going with Chrissy!"

I mean, he didn't invite her yet, but– C'mon, who could say no to those eyes?

Weirdly, he grimaces at my words, almost flinching at the mention of the cheerleader's name.

"Yeah... Chrissy."

I tilt my head to the side, frowning, probably looking like a confused puppy in his perspective.

"You still nervous about inviting her?"

"No, it's not that."

"Well then, what is?" He glances back to me, before hiding further into his hair. Even with my shoulders straining from effort, I gently raise one of my hands and brush his bangs away from his eyes. His skin feels weirdly warm beneath my fingers. "C'mon, Eds, talk to me."

It's rare seeing him like this and it's eating me up inside. Normally I'm the first person he runs to for help, the first that gets him out of trouble– like when I helped him get Chrissy back to normal and out of Vecna's clutches, or when he had to hide in a boathouse for days when he was accused of assaulting her and breaking both her legs (despite her claims of his innocence.). I refused to leave his side for more than 10 minutes and got fiercely protective when we came back from the Upside down.

Honestly I have no idea how he didn't catch on the fact I'm in love with him in all that time. Steve kept saying I looked like a feral guard dog everytime anyone got remotely close to him.

"I... Just realized something." He mumbles, effectively waking me up from my wondering. Slowly, gently, he pushes me back and sits up. Still not meeting my gaze.

"What is it?" I give him space, despite the fact all I want is to hold him down again and force his eyes to look at mine. I feel like I'm drowning in worry at this point. Damnit, I shouldn't have said anything about prom. Or about Chrissy. Or– I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have ever opened my mouth. I was never good with words.

"I, uh..." He fiddles with his own fingers for a moment, before freezing. Suddenly, a smile opens at his lips–

And he raises his head, eyes finally on mine.

And it takes my breath away.

"I just got an idea."

Oh boy, here we go.

"Nothing good ever came out of those five words before."

"Oh, but that's where your wrong, my dearest angel!" He almost jumps up from the ground, looking absolutely ecstatic. "I just had the best realization of my life! I don't think I've ever had a better idea!"

Without even asking, he pulls me up- with enough force to slam my face into his collarbone.

"Ow–"

"Point is–Sorry– I need to go. Gotta a lot of planning ahead of me!" He practically giggles, pressing a kiss to the crown of my hair and skipping off into the gyms exit.

All I can do is watch him. Watch his messy and unruly hair disappear behind those doors, his smirk and excitement the last thing I see before he finally runs off to do... Something?

I must have stayed there, frozen, for at least half a minute, just staring at the void with our conversation rerolling on my head.

"What the hell just happened?" My voice echoes back to me and the gym suddenly feels a lot bigger.

With a confused but half amused sigh, I grab my bag and empty can of Pepsi off the ground and slowly leave the school.

Well, whatever that was, at least he looks excited. For me that's all that matters.

A soft, but slightly sad, smile crawls up my lips at that thought.

It's funny how many times I say those words to myself. "As long as he's happy." And it's surprising how many times I actually mean it.

A lot of people say one of the worst pains is unrequited love, that one sided pining that can last years and years.

I don't know. I honestly kinda like it.

This feeling.

It's like playing super spy, like I used to play with Dustin and the kids when we were younger. I know a secret no one else does– or at least he doesn't. It's fun. It hurts, sure, but it's fun. It's playful and fun and easy.

Easy like loving him.

And when I say I'm content of just being by his side, even if he doesn't see me the way I see him...

I mean it.

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[beebfreeb]

An Interview with Dot.

[bluepandadraws-log]

Ant Watching

[pouletpourri]

more of that "kaufmo didn't get abstracted" AU

[overlymetaromantic]

Dungeon Meshi, or as I like to call it, Marcille's-increasingly-difficult-to-ignore-revelations-that-her-endless-devotion-to-Falin-may-in-fact-be-more-rooted-in-lesbianism-than-she-originally-thought

[corruptimles]

MikuAllWeeku Day 4: Five Nights at Freddy's

[mangozic]

archivist be upon ye

[trainwreckgenerator]

top ten polycules most likely to destroy all life on earth

[duckdotimg]

Got tired of seeing moeblob young catgirls. Give me butch and GNC catladies in their 40s and 50s (more will be drawn)

[hellspawnmotel]

I can't think of a nutcracker pun

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

Saw a reddit post today about a girl who was upset that her childhood best friend replaced a photo of the two of them in his wallet with one of him and his girlfriend. And while yeah, she was being unreasonable with a lot of what she was saying, I totally understand the sadness of a friend "replacing" you with someone they have romantic feelings for. Makes it worse when the top comment is this

Every single comment on this post is about how family and romantic relationships always take precedence over friendships. I don't have anything more to say to this aside from the fact that... this is why it's hard for aroaces to imagine futures for themselves. Society drills it into your head that you're going to live in a world where you are no one's priority if you don't have romantic relationships and it fucking sucks

[soumic]

She's hiding in ur wifi

[the-holy-ghosted]

Girls will say "this is my beautiful wife" and their beautiful wife is just a weird looking man

[metanarrates]

less than two weeks after a law passed that bans transgender people in utah from using bathrooms that correspond with their gender identity, an elected official is already inciting death threats against a child:

the girl in question (who is cisgender) is under police protection currently after a member of the STATE EDUCATION BOARD posted her photos on facebook and implied that the girl was trans. she took the photos down after learning that the girl was cis, but the damage had already been done. the student in question had already recieved a barrage of death threats.

the board member, natalie cline, has faced backlash and state legislature has already started discussion on how to impeach state board officials, but I find it important to reiterate that the girl she accused of being trans was in fact cisgender. I doubt the backlash would be quite so widespread if this wasn't a false accusation. this behavior is being normalized and encouraged by our bigoted state legislation.

we're going to see more of this kind of thing in the future, most likely. please keep your eyes on utah

[pigin-is-so-rad]

“When Scar fell, so did the first drop of rain.”

The moment he died, the desert was brought to life for the first time since the beginning.

The smell of petrichor had never brought a more bittersweet sense of relief, nor a heavier sadness.”