#// but!! i am getting much better at getting back to ppl in a timely manner and getting over my anxiety

[hellguarded-moved]

// i somehow injured myself at work today and it is right on my fingertip so that makes writing difficult. gonna take it easy for a bit while it heals.

in the meantime, i am both testing + showing off the post dividers that i started making yesterday and finished today. :D

[chrollohearttags]

long winded ass post I contemplated not writing but did it anyways. read if you’d like or ignore lmao.

so I feel as though this kind of goes without saying but a lot has changed on tumblr and the vibe has shifted a lot, sadly, not for the better either :/ I thought about this for a while and although last week, I was not posting any new content due to the strike, I’ve decided to step away from writing in general after this month. I could sit here and go on a tangent about how it’s the ‘algorithm’ and ‘dying fandoms’ but to me, this boils down to the fact that I refuse to exhaust myself to be unappreciated + disrespected. That’s not to say I’m ungrateful to everyone who reblogs and comments on my works all the time because I am incredibly grateful! I love each of you and I look forward to reading your tags/thoughts. However, it’s not lost on me that the anime fandom in general is becoming shrouded in toxicity and many of us are being pushed away. We’re in an age where people are seen as content machines and not humans so others feel entitled to their art and feel no need to be kind, understanding or empathetic to that person’s feelings. I’m not wasting my time trying to teach people manners that they should’ve learned a long time ago. I refuse to share my craft with people like that. And to say the quietest part out loud: y’all don’t want black writers around, PERIOD. One scroll through the dash shows that much. As someone who’s written primarily for AOT (not changing btw) and specifically the black side of the fandom, it’s almost laughable at the extreme lengths that ppl have gone through to see it be erased. And I don’t mean getting fics hit with labels or reporting (that failed so they switched to plan B.) since I began back writing in 2020-21, it was obvious that it was the most popular among black girls and I remember ppl telling me to write for them. Hell, it’s the sole reason I even watched. Needless to say, I fell in love with the show and it holds a special place in my heart. However, I realized I didn’t need any of the original material. Not only that, in all the years I’ve been writing, it’s the first time I’ve seen so many black girls resonating and happy with a group of characters. It was the first and only time I’ve seen stories where I didn’t feel as though them being a black character was a hidden secret or toned down to appeal to others (no shade). It was in my face and proud, even if I didn’t personally resonate with the reader or concept of the story. It still felt good coming from a fandom where I was literally the ONLY black writer in it. Fast forward and I clearly see that now, it’s not welcomed. We could sit here and blame it on non-blk (yt) having the problems but that’s a load of bullshit and the only enemies we have are one another. It’s been other black writers who have littered the tags with discourse abt the same stupid topic to avoid new fics being seen. It’s been other black writers who have switched fandoms when they were no longer the ONLY ones bc coexisting is just too damn hard apparently. It’s been other black authors who have made it blatantly clear that they are only interested in seeing and creating stories that are palatable to other races so they won’t be perceived in a negative light or to be seen as one of the ‘good ones’. Even down to not using black reader tags or avoiding coded language. So much so, they are comfortable laughing at anti-black rhetoric being pushed on other apps so as long as their new favs are not the brunt of the joke.

I’m not here to tell anybody how or what to write. I’m not here to say you ONLY have to like one show but what I am saying is that i will NOT be spending hours and days agonizing over a fic for it to be minimized to a joke for a bitch on TikTok. I will not spend the little free time I have trying to crunch and finish a fic for it not do well but watch y’all pile in my mentions to argue over nonsense. And I won’t sit here and watch y’all purposely try to run other black writers away bc they don’t fit ur aesthetic. Fiction is fiction and whether you resonate with it or not, it’s expression. I’m a boring ass country bumpkin from the middle of nowhere, Florida who’s got social anxiety, chronically ill, neurodivergent and is in bed by 10:00. I don’t smoke, never had sex and I literally never leave the house unless I’m grocery shopping. I never have and never will live the life of any of my characters, even the most tame ones. But I write for EVERY black girl and want everyone of them to be seen. The one space where that seems to be allowed is obviously not welcomed anymore. Arguing and trying to defend ourselves against people who are committed to misunderstanding us is pointless. Minimizing us down to ‘baby mama’, ‘hoodrat’ fics, simply bc you no longer like certain characters (many of which you all were writing for not too long ago) is quite frankly clown and coon ass behavior. Watching y’all become enraged by tropes that are used by ever race, every fandom, etc but turning the blind eye bc it suits ur narrative is fucking hypocritical and laughable at best.

I’m not insecure in my writing. Never have been and never will be. I know I pour everything I have into creating the best work I can and it’s for that reason that I won’t allow it to be treated like trash. I have over 250 drafts in my Google docs and best believe, that’s where they’ll stay until I see fit. Although I know it’ll probably mean leaving the last place I have any sense of community and social interaction in general, it’s not worth coming on here angry everyday in defense mode. Its not worth getting out of my character over and I rather just not be around if it means I have to play mean girl. My mind may change and all of this will just have been me getting shit off my chest but as of right now, this account will be archived come February 28th. Thank you to everybody who’s supported me this far and gave me a safe space. I love all of you so very much and hope that we can enjoy the rest of this month together 🫶🏾 🤍

[v-anrouge]

Hello! 👋 I’m a lurker 🙈

I love Rook too obvi (I mean.. I’m here 🤣) and the other person trauma dumping was.. uh yeah. That was a lot… 😶

But they also said they were autistic, so maybe they just legit didn’t realize you were joking? Maybe they aren’t a follower? Idk. 🤷

Like I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt because they seemed like one of those people wandering into the wrong classroom like “wait this.. isn’t my homeroom?”

Also you said you have Rook haters DNI interact on your card… but ima be honest. Please don’t hate me. I actually took a legit second to find your card in your pinned post because the text and the link is so smol. 😩 But also I’m blind and dumb sometimes so like don’t mind me too much…

But I DID find it!!! But then I couldn’t find where it said Rook haters DNI. I’m on mobile so maybe there’s a different section that it’s not letting me see??? Maybe THAT’S what happened to them too?

ANYWAY!! I may be a lurker and am just popping up for this so I’m going back down to lurking (aaaa social anxietyyyy) but I love your various posts. I honestly thought that post in question was really funny before all the drama started 😅

Rook going off on long tangents about his much-loved hyperfixations and having time blindness is so relatable help 😭😭😭

Hi nonnie first thank you for warning me about the problems w my carrd! I think ill just make a text and put the link there on pinned then in hopes it will make it easier to see. About the carrd itself i made it on mobile so you're seeing it correctly i just noticed though that a part of my dni is missing, i probaly deleted it accidentally last time i was fixing it so oops that's embarrassing 😭 but to answer they were a follower, they're no longer one because i softblocked and the reason i was so shocked was not because they don't hc rook as autistic since obv it's just a comfort hc i have as someone who also is autistic, but how they said rook was PURPOSELY ignoring social cues like😭😭 that part caught me SO off guard especially as someone who deeply relates to rook, ive had ppl do the same thing to me say that i was just purposely being weird despite knowing i had a difficult time telling what is and what isnt acceptable to say so i simply don't feel comfortable with them in my blog anymore, that trauma dump they had already made me a bit icky but i thought okay maybe they're just joking? because the post i made was clearly joking but clearly they were not (they said it themselves) and rook is one of my ultimate faves and i cant tolerate to see him get mischaracterized, especially not in such extreme manners so yeah they're not coming back but anyways thank you so much for warning me about the pinned thing ill fix it pls tell me if its better for you!

[ultrvmonogamy]

How are u? I miss u bestie

hey bestie. rn i'm feeling a bit deflated tbh. i'm sure i'll be fine soon enough, but wow it just seems like there's always something bad happening for me here like one of my blogs is disappearing or an acct is being termed or a former mutual is no longer following me or a current mutual is no longer interacting w me or i'm finding out ppl r talking abt me behind my back n spinning half truths into hideous vileness or i'm visiting a mutual's blog n am immediately nauseated seeing content reblogged from the most duplicitous blogger i know of n who's made claims abt me that r the actual polar opposite of the interactions that occurred while literally echoing words i've personally said here abt striving to be authentic n genuine or i'm seeing a former mutual's response to a question abt following ppl back that talks abt how they don't rly do it anymore bc everyone turned out to be terrible ppl n knowing that i'm probably one of the ppl they think that abt but for bullshit reasons or like i'm having warm n wholesome thoughts towards someone for a split second before remembering that oh yeah wait they think i'm evil now n r no longer one of my few real friends if they ever were or i'm being told to kill myself or i'm finding myself afraid to reply to a question by someone who's been canceled for alleged disgusting things but i don't know if any of that stuff was true bc i sure as hell now know firsthand that ppl r well-capable of attributing motives that do not exist n yet here i am now paralyzed n not responding bc i don't if my once thriving but now v precarious existence here would survive the association of even answering a totally benign question n so also thereby better understand other ppl's resistance to interacting w or implicitly endorsing my content simply for the just-in-case-ness of it all or like a sick, sick individual who last showed up in my world a few yrs ago attempting to catfish me by leveraging the death of someone i cared abt showed up again yesterday either again attempting to catfish me or sending some likely unsuspecting minion to do her bidding (unclear which) n like holy hell, u know? well the main reason i started this blog n started talking here was literally to vent n to be raw n authentic n just own all my weirdness n my conflict n my vulnerability n my perversion n my trauma n my hope n my fear n my stupidity n my experience n my insight n then when ppl completely unexpectedly to me began to follow n interact, my purpose for it expanded to connect w ppl on a real level w the parts of me that i'd let starve or had starved willfully whether out of ignorance or naivety or learned shame or simply fear of being know n to thereby find resonance n all the while to attempt for all that i'm worth to integrate it in a positive way n hopefully thereby facilitate others doing the same n maybe just maybe if i'm super extra lucky n the moths happen to flap their wings in just the right manners at the witching hour while the moon's in the right phase to be able to offer smth of worth to the world in a greater magnitude than i've been able to thus far n well i'm not going to stop trying to integrate n to connect n to be willing to stand up n own my shit until the day my heart stops beating n even w what is now at times such a stentorian din of noise that in moments i cannot even begin to tell what key it's all in or whether there's even a rhythm let alone where the downbeat went i am going to keep trying to improvise a harmony [some of which intrinsically necessitates my silence], it's still the place where i seem most to find meaningful resonance w others who r similarly motivated n similarly struggling but yeah it gets to be a little much sometimes..

but how're u bestie? n why do u miss me? do we not talk? did we ever? do i just suck so bad at replying that an anon seemed a better way to get a response?

in any case, i hope ur well, n i probably miss u too 🩵

p.s. sry i couldn't spare much punctuation what w inflation n the supply chaine n all the crimes against humanity etc.

[airedelalmena]

I went to the bar to see some local music and the local gay gender weirdos + their friends invited me over to their table.

they were obvs a little tumblrheaded but thats okay.

i went to a bonfire at the house of the one.

their intro was made by the one saying that he/theys friend “thinks im cute”. i hung out anyway, did not get scary vibes. at all. and lmfao im not interested in this friend at all. but. there were no overtures made the whole night. lets keep it that way.

(its so awkward and concerning when its another genderfucker bc if i say “sorry i dont swing that way” and the individual has bad boundaries, they can try to pull some kinda insane shit like “well actually i can be a man or a woman for you or whatever. so you actually DO swing that way because i am that gender too and you are misgendering me if you disagree ergo fuck me” where they pretend appearances and the physical arent real and sexuality isnt related to it and everyone is zero apprarance preferences having bi/pan. I was preparing myself for it to happen and to bounce if things got weird but it didnt.)

all that said. the other friend they have who hosted this tiny thing has a family with money and DID NOT BRING OUT ONE SNACK FOR ANYONE ALL NIGHT until the very last moment. one muffin. insanity. what kind of host/ess are you. wtfffffff lol basic manners i know you lnow better than that.

that same person was nice enough to get me an uber home despite it being apparently in the same general/next town lol. like i walk during the day while sober. no chance of that tonight and no buses this late. oof.

had a good time.

definitely hoping on making the move temporary so i can get back closer to lgbt ppl in/near the city asap.

but it did reassure me that i “can make friends wherever i go.” :) her words. something she ALWAYS told me i could and would be good at, despite my life’s setbacks. that “people are going to love you, so much, trust me.” feelings.

(she was so good at making friends wherever she went. even in the deepest parts of her ptsd. even in our car times. people loved her. but the world was and could be cruel, too. and she carried so much hurt from that. an understatement.)

i feel so much in so many things. every day is about her, as much as and more than before. loss and healing, healing and loss, all at once.

I should be able to come home to her and give her these updates. In detail and getting deep into all the personality details together…discussing and understanding the world together. Getting help and guidance. I can’t. instead, I post them here.

[hellsbroadcaster]

I feel bad because I haven't really done much here. I don't really like using my health as an excuse but its genuinely what it is. I'm exhausted all the time. This steroid medication is the worst and its going on 8 whole month's I've been taking it. I've gained a ton of weight, like it doesn't feel normal. my body aches all the time. I feel like I'm pregnant. none of my clothes fit me anymore which only leads to more of my inner self loathing which I hate because after my last relationship i really worked hard to build myself up. And it felts like every time I think I'm getting better SOMETHING happens. and I try so hard to not let it get to me.

It took me years to stop being in denial about diabetes. i almost had to die before I started to accept that this was my life. and ive been proud and worked very hard to get where I am with it. not I feel like I'm failing again cuz the steroids work against them. my A1C went up, and i'm just so disappointed by it. I've been having some manner of fatigue about taking my meds. which i usually dont but i find myself taking them later and later in the day. Sunday, I opted to not take the steroid and with only ONE day it made me feel horribly sick. this blood disorder really is the worst. the fact that i cant go one day without it or it'll really make me sick just annoys the crap out of me. I hate it. i hate not having control on it. also when i talked to my therapist she talks about how trauma has a lot to do with your health and how it effects your body. and when I think back to all the trauma i've experienced within the last 6 years? it makes sense the way my body is just trying to kill me. because what are the odds I get a rare blood disease like really.

and I hate talking about it because I feel like such a burden. when people ask me how i'm doing and i say okay because if I tell them its day three and I still feel like shit like ppl get tired eventually. i always have to act like i'm good at home anyway because otherwise I'll hear my mom say 'oh its always something with you' like i asked for this shit.

I guess my point is, I really wanna be more active but I put all my energy into work because its such a complicated job, and if I slack off even a little its a pain in the ass to get caught back up and so its always frustrating when I have to take off and i come back to a mess despite me leaving it perfect for the person who is backing me up. they wont pay me FMLA, and I have to take off at least one day a week to make appointments for this illness. i technically work the full 80 hours but on the days i work 12s i cant take a lunch, i have to get up earlier. and its already draining for me. so by the time I get off work, I don't even wanna transition to my laptop. but I love being here and i have so much fun so i try my best. lately tho, I look at my drafts and I have so much muse but no energy at all. i promise i am working on it. I really just ask for patience. being in this fandom has been the most fun i've had on tumblr in a very long time.

my hope with this new medication I am getting, they will start to tamper me off the steroids, and my energy will start to come back as the dose goes down. my fingers are crossed honestly.

[frecklystars]

Hi, I sent you an ask a while ago about Ken taking care of your wound. I hope I didn't overshare in the first part of the message. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in your feelings.

Hi sweetheart!!! No please don't worry!! I meant to respond to you (not as a posted ask ofc, but rather making a separate text post without any details/info attached for your privacy) but my depression hit me super hard the last few days and I wasn't able to get back to anyone in a timely manner the way that I planned. I got over 30 asks this week that I was hoping to answer but,,, my brain has turned into a burnt out baked potato since I've picked up so many extra shifts fjhgjfdgh

You didn't overshare, don't worry about that. I thought about you a few times this week and hoped you were doing okay, or well, as okay as you can be given the circumstances. Thank you for empathizing with my situation, and I'm very sorry for what you have to put up with. Literally as I was reading your message I was thinking "dude are we literally the same person or something??" I have gone through almost all of those scenarios, of course not EXACTLY but my god it seems pretty close. and uh. it sucks. It hurts and it sucks..... ughh. We deserve better. It will get better. It's completely normal to have periods in your life where you feel so unbearably lonely and sad -- granted, our lonely period has been. like. forever lmao but like -- we WILL be surrounded by love and acceptance and one day we will forget how it felt to be in our current situation we're in rn. It's gonna get better. It feels super impossible and really hard everyday but dude it WILL get better bc that's how the universe functions, everything is temporary, eventually something will shift and new opportunities will come, or new people who bring you joy.

In the meantime, I am mentally holding your hand through any bad day you have. Thank you again for empathizing with me, bc honestly I hear sooo many stories about how people have... great experiences with the subject you wrote about, and it just makes me feel so bitter and resentful bc like... I'll never have that. And of course I am SO sorry that you go through the same feelings as me and the same, uh what's the word [squints] situations? events?? I don't know how to phrase it. but your message brought me a little bit of comfort to know I wasn't the only person who has to deal with that. I am surrounded by so many ppl who are so, so close with their families and watching that kind of thing makes me feel so bitter sometimes, and it just makes me wanna walk directly into the ocean dfshlfhslfksdsfd

I also want to say thank you SO MUCH for telling me Ken would patch up my wounds 😭😭 that was nice of you to take the time to do that for me ;-; I always beat myself up so much after I hurt myself, bc as you are aware of uh. [gestures to our unnamed topic] I've had bad experiences where i've hurt myself and have just gotten yelled at or ignored altogether, so. I just assume my F/Os would hate me for it. I get extra sad with Ken especially bc he's a doll and he's never seen human blood before, so my thoughts are always "oh he'd be scared of me and grossed out and hate me sooo much" but you were the first and only person who said "hey actually he'd be concerned!!!" and I just. wept. in a good way ofc!! but dude I just bawled after reading that, it was something I needed to hear so badly. Especially the lines "Ken loves you, Keri" "You know he doesn't half-ass things when it comes to you" and my favorite "He would draw you a little horse on the bandage, if you asked him to (he hopes you ask him.)" Ofc I will ask him I will PLEAD with this man to draw a very sparkle horsey in a pink glittery pen :] anyway I hope you don't mind I saved that particular paragraph so I could go back and reread it to cheer myself. I read it again today while I was at work actually!

Virtually I am giving you a big hug and flowers 💐💕✨ be safe, be well. I am sending you love and stars across the internet 🌟

[bluelockednyx]

mind if i brainrot about rin/isarin in your anon asks? sorry, i know of zero other isarin shippers on tumblr 😭 personally, one of the reasons isarin has such a tight grip on me is because of rin himself. i was thinking abt this for a while but now ive got a bigger urge to talk about it cuz of something that the author aparently said about his depiction of his character. his edginess is sorta how he represents rin's apparent attempt at "having to become an adult" which i thought was interesting. the author also said he thinks his desire to grow up is why rin intentionally complicates his relationship with sae. to me, it reads as though rin associates maturity with broody angst. reminds me of a lot of the "friends are stupid, everything sucks" type of faux maturity where ppl think them closing themselves off to healthy emotional support is them being logical. the fact that he's younger than isagi makes a lot of his underlying naivete matter a lot to me and my feelings towards this ship. ig i use isarin as a way to develop rin opening up to love and affection again, and realising that growing up is so much more than just being angsty 24/7 idk if this makes any sense tho. i could just be being dumb lmaoo

I will take any and all opportunities to talk about Isagirin, and yes, there are very few of us, so ask away as many times as you want :D

I'm not surprised Kaneshiro-sensei said that -- referring to his edginess specifically -- about Rin, because he and Nomura-sensei did a really good job showing it in the manga! The sweet, sweet angst of growing up in shonen manga; Rin being all broody about it is so typical teenager but also depicted so well.

The edginess and 'friends are stupid, everything sucks' mentality is a side effect, imo, of being so attached, and then badly hurt by Sae. I would say that it's a bit of a self-defense mechanism too, because if his own brother, whom he adored so much, and he's sure loves him back too, could hurt him this badly, then it's a bit of a no brainer for someone who's not even family, to hurt him too. I'm pretty sure Rin hesitates to let himself get emotionally attached to anyone at this point, and I'm also pretty sure he's not fully aware of this part of his psyche yet.

On growing up and how Rin intentionally complicates his relationship with Sae: I think yes and no, on this. The simple part - they're brothers, and they always will be. Neither of them can erase that even if they wanted to.

On the complicated part - sibling relationships can be very complex, and just because at the end of the day they can interact properly with each other in a civil manner doesn't mean that there hasn't been real damage done in a relationship, and to a person's psyche. Even the dumbest things done without real intention of hurt can cause lasting psychological effects, whether or not the person knows it for themselves.

Kaneshiro-sensei views Rin as intentionally complicating his relationship with Sae. I don't. But YMMV with this: this POV is personal, and there's a ton of cultural aspects to consider which I am definitely not in a position to talk about.

Sae was cruel to Rin in the flashback when they had their 1v1 after Sae came back from Madrid, and Rin never gets the chance to address that issue because he never gets to communicate properly about it with Sae. There's probably a camp out there who says Rin should just get over it, that Sae said it in the heat of the moment, but I'm not part of that camp. I don't believe in sweeping stuff like that under the rug. It's not fair to the person who was hurt. It's also, well, a common tactic in abusive relationships to trivialize the victim's feelings, which sits even less right with me.

We know Sae better because we get an omniscient POV as readers, but from Rin's perspective, Sae stonewalls Rin and never tries to explain or elaborate. While I do agree that trying to talk in the middle of a football match isn't the best place for it, it still doesn't change the fact that they wouldn't be in this situation at all if it weren't for Sae (and also for the sake of compelling plot drama). Sae definitely owes Rin an apology imo, though given what you've just told me about Kaneshiro-sensei's view on Rin intentionally complicating their relationship, I really doubt he's ever going to have that happen in the manga, so :/

And yes!! Rin being younger than Isagi was something that I had suspected back when they were doing the first 3v3 matchup, from just reading the way he spoke. It was confirmed later, I think, in the yoga scene, then the character guides. And yeah, one of Rin's bigger flaws is definitely his lack of close relationships. It severely limits his ability to empathize with other people, and can become a horrible feedback loop in and of itself. Yet, like I said in my meta, if Kaneshiro-sensei wants to develop him into a healthier, more well-rounded character, that's what Rin needs to do -- develop relationships with the rest of the Blue Lock boys as equals, and become actual friends.

I get you!!!! That's what I want for Rin in the Isarin ship too. Just Rin opening up to love and affection again from Isagi, and growing up and realising that he needs friends the other Blue Lock boys that he can count on too. Let's be dumb about fantasizing Isarin with a loving and affectionate Rin together!!!

[iamfabiloz]

I love and heavily relate to Nightheart because of how much he reminds me of how I used to be from like 14-16. I genuinely do not think that I have ever found a fictional character to be more relatable before, for better or worse! A lot of this may be from the fact that I heavily relate towards his identity + name change issues (I am FTM trans so I’ve been through similar) and in my perspective I really do believe that he’ll come to realize later in the arc that part of his issues are his OWN fault - he’s pushed everyone away and then wallows in his own self-pity, not realizing that he’s gotten himself into this in the first place. He keeps taking out his insecurities onto others, believing that the world is out to get him - IE thinking Squirrelflight, Flipclaw, Thriftear, Finleap, Brightheart, etc are all purposely trying to hurt him when they’re… clearly not. He even gets defensive when Sunbeam calls him by his old name without possibly having known any better. Although I do think that Sparkpelt’s actions at the beginning of Sky in particular are pretty questionable… very guilt-trippy and manipulative, I guess? But other than that and Myrtlebloom’s off-handed snarky comment, nobody is really attempting to target him at all. They don’t understand WHY he wants to carve out his own identity within the clan, and he’s too insecure about it to actually explain the situation to his clanmates in a reasonable manner. He thinks that he has a deeper kinship with Bramblestar due to their similar identity struggles and such, but all Bramblestar does with this trust is use it to get back at his wife for some petty reason - which is quite sad, really. I genuinely believe that the point of Nightheart’s character is to start out highly insecure, rash, and defensive as he’s figuring himself out on the inside, and will develop into a much better person once he’s done so and can learn to be happy within his own skin. In this case, I actually would have to say that I think some of the transgender undertones were intentional on the writing teams’ part - obviously we won’t get an openly transgender character in the series, but I do feel like there are some underlying themes in Nightheart’s story that definitely parallel transgender peoples’ experiences a bit too much to be a coincidence. Maybe this is a bit of my own bias speaking here, but he reads as very much transmasc / FTM to me personally. I don’t think any of this justifies his behavior / the rashness of his actions, of course, but I think that’s the point. He’ll (hopefully) be able to carve out his own identity and life in ShadowClan without constantly feeling as if he’s in Firestar’s shadow, and he’ll learn and grown because of it. At least, that’s my interpretation of how things are most likely to play out - and how I HOPE it plays out, because that would send a really good message to the audience out there. It took me way too long within my own life to realize that it was me pushing everyone around me away and not the other way around, so I would hope that these books can help show people that they’re not always in the right, even if it might feel that way in the given time - and that it’s okay to recognize that fact and learn from it. Sorry for the rambling, I just really wanted to share my perspective on this!

Ooo this is a really interesting take, n ur opinion is totally valid!! And tbh I agree w u about relating to Night, bc i see some of my worst traits in him too, especially when I read river for the first time KWJW those feelings kinda faded w this book, w all the weird stuff goin on, but yah I get what u mean. Also yeye im trans too, and I can see some of the stuff ur talking abt n how trans ppl can connect to nights character.

And same I really really hope nightheart has a character arc or smth and the narrative realizes he’s in the wrong and makes him take responsibility and figure out his issues so he can be his own cat n understand where his family and tc clanmates r comin from!! Erins please don’t make us have read nighthearts misery hour chapters for an bummer ending AA the idea for like an unreliable narrator and pov who’s in the wrong is rlly interesting in concept but the way the Erin’s have been executing it is rlly weird n insufferable 2 me oof JWJW Erins please have ONE writer who knows what their doin!!

Was cool to hear ur thoughts about night :0 this makes me reconsider him a little JWJW picks him up by the scruff n shakes him, kitty u would be so much better if anyone else wrote you

[deantheofficial]

I get your point and I never said he couldn’t share his concerns or anything else with us all I’m saying is Dean keeps saying he’s dropping the album for the past 6 years and morning has happened I think he doesn’t want to disappoint fans and that’s why he keeps saying he will but Dean continues to scrap the album time after time I don’t think he knows how to follow up the first album or even maybe he’s just not into this album as much as he wants to believe I want good things for Dean mentally and physically I’m not here trying to drag him or anything I hate seeing people get mad at him for no new music when he’s just busy with other things i am worried of him losing fans because he’s so talented his music deserves to be heard by many but we also can’t blame fans for leaving I just wish for Dean to do whatever he wants to if he drops the album then he does and if he doesn’t then he doesn’t I just hope he will have support

we’re going round in circles here cause what I’m saying is that it’s very condescending to say things like “I think he doesn’t know how to follow up on trbl” or “maybe he’s not into this album as much as he wants to believe” when talking abt a man you’ve never met. never talked to. like I said, not only are your assumptions substantiated by nothing at all, but they’re a direct contradiction to Dean’s own words

you think he doesn’t have the psychological agency to know what he wants to do? you think he’s been working on smth nonstop for four years just because he somehow feels forced to? and that he doesn’t know what he’s doing? that is absurd and incredibly patronizing. he is a fully capable adult who can take care of himself and make his own decisions

the fact that you can’t even conceptualize a more rational reason as to why he’s been putting off the album release is wild to me

it’s not just you though. i don't wanna write up a whole socioeconomic essay but, these days, a lot of ppl seem to perceive music as just any other commodity that can be manufactured and mass-produced on demand, and think the norm is for artists to pump out at least an album per year. so if a certain artist doesn’t deliver new material in what they deem to be a timely manner, they get bored, or frustrated, or whatvr tf else, when that is just simply not how art works

does Dean repeatingly shoot himself in the foot by commiting himself to fake deadlines and unintentionally lying to fans in the process? YES, yes absolutely. i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again. i wish he would stop, it gets irritating over time. but even then. there comes a point when you need to take step back, as a person like if you’re really getting upset over smth so inconsequential maybe reevaluate

you’re also not the first person to make the fan argument but I think you’re severely overestimating the amount of fans Dean is losing or even the impact that those supposed losses have. Dean is not some underground up-and-comer, he’s a renown and respected artist with international commercial success, him losing a couple pressed “fans” is not gonna make a dent in his career like i promise if they have nothing better to do than get mad at some guy and leave bitch ass comments because they’re 7 layers deep into their parasocial delusions then they should go ahead and drop him, no one's gonna miss them

if you’re a genuine fan you’ll be there for the music when it comes and that is it

[widogastc]

I posted 4,395 times in 2022

That's 4,395 more posts than 2021!

197 posts created (4%)

4,198 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@viciousmollymaukery

@widogastc

@wanderingbasilisk

@rainbowcaleb

@quinn-of-aebradore

I tagged 1,509 of my posts in 2022

#txt - 222 posts

#cr spoilers - 153 posts

#cr - 80 posts

#fav - 76 posts

#the last straw - 62 posts

#exu:c spoilers - 59 posts

#essek thelyss - 48 posts

#core.tags - 47 posts

#m9 - 41 posts

#essek brainworms - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 70 characters

#…ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ( ͡°ᴥ ͡° ʋ)⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾(人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱(⊃ • ʖ̫ • )⊃୧(＾ 〰 ＾)୨

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i have decided that essek's sense of humor is just straight up lying like he just lies for fun and lets people run with it. its the most like senseless lies too no he has never had a cherry in his life and yes of course he has been to the moon but he is so quick and sure with it & its essek cmon he doesnt lie when it isnt about war crimes duh ! so ppl just buy it & he most of the time just lets ppl run with it forever (that is of course if you miss caleb's inconspicuous lil smile he gets when he does so but then again when is he not smiling when essek's around.)

457 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#4

shadowgast fucks with me bc the thing is, caleb's sense of romance is skewed and shaped like everything else is, given, well, everything. kissing and flirty and sex are such a trivial thing, tools to be used, transactions, another step of deception and manipulation; this is a known fact. so like everything, romance looks and feels so differently for caleb, the steps, gestures, mannerisms, even words, they are all over the place in a very specific way. and then, on the flip side, you've got essek, whom, to me, would sense romance as alien; not something he's inexperienced with, but something that felt disconnected, a puzzle, a tool he never figured out how could be useful for him. i think he never got romance, never fully explored it in a way that was comfortable much less fulfilled him, because he never got the full scope of feelings, not until the nein. and thereafter, caleb.

the fact of the matter is that they were shaped in similar ways, and their view of romance aligns in the most baffling ways. it shouldn't work, they shouldn't work, but i could not think of anybody better for them to deconstruct romance and love as they know it because there's nobody better who could understand their thought process, how they got there, and all the venom they are working to throw back up. there is nobody better to not only sympathize but empathize and not shy away nor judge these twisted little residual shards of their upbringings because they each only want the other to be and do and feel better, feel loved. the bond that formed between them, the love that grew there too, against all odds, is so goddamn pure. not innocent, nor wholesome, but pure, raw, primal, selfish; i need you to do better, it makes me better, your smile is my joy, selfishly, i want you to be happy, i need you to. it means i can too. it all circles back to healing by loving, loving by healing and being loved being a sign of healing. they are.. a lot and i am enamoured by them.

633 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#3

hmm... still thinking about the way caleb said astrid was very handsome.... and then jester asking if was she a boy and him going no she is a girl. just handsome. just thinking of astrid's specializing in illusionary magic and still showcasing her scars. thinking of astrid taking lead while dancing. thinking of astrid being cutting and smart and so deeply strong. thinking of astrid who used poison and had a 5 minute breakdown in an alley. thinking of astrid punching the ground in rage, grieving the catharsis she had been on stand by for, the promised relief that was her driving force. thinking of astrid, strong and smart and handsome, coming back to the temple. thinking of astrid always i think

684 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#2

tapes this to my wall keeps it on my wallet etc etc

1,042 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

how fucking special it is the moment when fjord breaks his pact & the immediate response of the nein, offering up their tools without being asked, without second thought, one after the other. how special their little family is. my heart is twice its size

1,374 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[imadumdumjewel]

Coming to terms

wow why am i posting my own personal opinions in my reblog blog

but straight to the point is i am still learning to accpet myself for being different when it comes to the owl house.

YES.

IM SORRY TO SAY I STILL DONT LIKE IT.

YES IM NEURODIVERGENT

YES IM SOCIALLY AWKWARD

YES I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO MEET EXPECTATIONS OF MY SOCIETY EVEN AFTER HAVING LEFT WHERE I WAS BORN

YES KING IS CUTE AND EDALYN IS FUNNY

YES BELOS/PHILLIP IS SO WELL-WRITTEN THAT I LIKE EVERYONE ELSE WANT TO PUNCH HIM AND WISH HIM DEAD

YES HUNTER WILLOW GUS ARE GOOD

YES DANA TERRACE IS TALENTED

but sadly i just cant connect or resonate with luz or amity. nor the species. palisman? well, maybe flapjack since he is cute and im sad that he died. and yes it sucks that disney has canned it as disney is stupid.

but i just cant.

maybe its because of lumity. maybe its because of the mention of the term demons. maybe its because it gets dark and traumatic quite quickly.

maybe its because dana terrace insulted people who disagreed with her agenda of using this series for lgbt ppl.

its never wrong for lgbt ppl n nonbinaries of wanting to find a conduit/outlet to express themselves. i acknowledge their presence, they're ppl after all. sadly i do have my concerns of children and teen kids finding their sexualities THIS prematurely. its better for them to find their hobbies and friends and goals and dreams first before coining their own sexualities due to media influences. and tbh i grow up in Hong Kong which is actually conservatitive as an entire capsule. my teachers and church taught me to avoid this at all cost. and i perhaps am on the spectrum of being more conservatitive.

yet whenever i voice out my concerns and reasons, ppl bash me. because they think im dissing a fabulous show and they also claim that im homophobic. not helped that the fanbase is mainly from USA and UK and Euorpean and America.

And I’ve realized that I and many can’t watch things that not only fail to match preferences, but also when a fanbase is this unacceptable to people who have a different viewpoint.

i never said that homo people and non-binary are crap. i just dont feel that way or agree with their ideas. and most of the time i just let them live. you can call me indifferent but i really dont want to care.

yet they dont care. all they think is "you dont support theowl house means you are homo and a disney apologist"

i was young, so i was taught to be afraid.

yes i acknowledge my child self was being linear. yet simultaneously i have been feeling painful for not feeling the same support as anyone else. because back when the owl house was announced, i was interested actually! after all im interested into the magic genre to an extent!

its just that after details about it was released and that enchanting grom fright came out, i no longer have the resonance. which was sad as i did glimpse that amity was showing her true colors in a positive manner.

its ok if all of you still want to fight for lgbt nonbinary trans rights. its your choice. i cant and wont object too much if you dont feel like changing your choices. live your own lives.

but pls, dont accuse me just because i think differently and is straight. and i have the right to appreciate the show despite not liking it.

Feel free for all of you to watch the owl house because you like it for your own reasons.

signing off.

[omiscurls]

hi! (this request is heavily inspired by a kdrama i just watched called sweet home lmao) could i request a childe x gn reader fic where childe and the reader r both severely injured and the reader had to kill someone for self defense and as theyre running away the reader feeling super guilty is like “i’m so terrible i killed someone” and childe is trying to comfort them and they find a place to rest while being both on the verge of death and the reader is like “i killed someone, i’m so scared that it’ll be my last memory”and the childe is like “try to forget abt it it’s ok” and the reader is like “u don’t think abt either too” (yk implying like oh don’t think abt the ppl you’ve killed before childe, bc im assuming he’s killed a lot of ppl) and he’s like ok with a sad smile and they die together in each other’s arms holding hands?)/?:))2 help this is wayyy to detailed i’m sry but if u want the reference scene it’s from this video , they show the specific scene in time stamps 0:57-2:56 again i’m so sorry if this is too detailed or if u don’t wanna write it!!! tysm <3

memory

a/n oh my god that is just my kind of angst, thanks for the request and i hope you'll enjoy!!

prompt: honestly? dying with tartaglia (that sounds like a creepy tv show's title and i'm proud of it)

contains: tartaglia

warnings: angst, death, blood, major character death, self-blame, murder, more blood, really a lot of dying and bleeding, please do not proceed if you're not comfortable with the topics

adrenaline was probably the last string that had your body moving and functioning in any way. the blood in your veins made you deaf, only capable of noticing the sounds of it pumping behind your ears, head pulsing like a bomb about to explode.

your whole body shook, and you felt a metallic taste on your tongue, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent throwing up, which you predicted would happen in a matter of seconds.

"hey!" you finally heard childe yell, sounding distant even still, when you lifted your gaze away from the body before you and noticed he was standing fairly close. "come on, move, or his buddies" he said pointing to the lifeless man beneath you "might just come to get revenge"

with that he took your arm by the waist and pulled you along with him.

you stumbled over your own feet, and almost fell down every couple of minutes. your lungs started to burn after mere seconds, and you couldn't even find breath to tell him to slow down. you also knew he couldn't, having better self-preservation instincts than you, he understood the situation you two were in better.

fuck.

you looked behind you, to the spot where blood painted the grass red under a pile of dead bodies, some of your allies, some of your foes, but from this kind of distance, you couldn't even make out which one was which. your gaze fell down to your hands, covered in sticky redness as well.

you just killed somebody.

it wasn't even the consequences that frightened you, it was the sheer act of life leaving his eyes before he fell down, of his pupils staring at you in one last beg for mercy before freezing like that for the eternity ahead, for how his body seemed to have gained weight in a matter of seconds, almost pulling you down with him. the ringing in your head got more intense as you choked on a strained sob.

"they're dead" you breathed out, making your partner laugh sarcastically.

"good guess" he answered, his grip on your arm loosening as the both of you climbed up a hill.

"no, you don't understand, they're- dead dead! i- i didn't think i-" you stumbled over your words, panic settling in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the situation.

"what, you didn't think that if you pierce a person through with a blade they're gonna die?" he asked rhetorically, back almost slamming against a tree, sliding down to the ground with a breath of relief. "fuck, looks like i got pierced, too" he noticed, looking down onto his side, the grey material of his uniform getting dark and sticky. he hissed, trying to lift it up, and gave up on his attempts, instead opting to look at you.

you didn't sit down, but kept staring forward with the most frightened expression he had ever seen you wear. eyes wide open as you searched for answers in thin air, hands shaking, moving up to cover your mouth.

“hey” he whispered way gentler than before, urging you to sit down in front of him “it’s okay, it was only self-defense. you did kill them, but you didn’t murder them or anything, it was kill or be killed”

his words held so much confidence in what he was saying, you almost felt comforted. he really did master the art of bending the truth to his liking, didn’t he?

“i did it, what if he was someone’s father, or brother, or whoever else, what if i just destroyed someone’s world? he was a human being just as much as i am, i had no right-“ you started relapsing into panic, hands gripping on your hair, head moving down to hide between your legs.

only then did tartaglia notice the huge wound right across the back of your thigh, and several others. fuck, he instantly thought, whoever did it knew what he was doing, cut you in a very specific place, with intent to kill.

he couldn’t even fight back the wave of anger coming crushing at him, but bit his lip instead of saying anything. there was no way the both of you could get to a safe place in time.

he used to be so passionate about continuing to live, normally he would’ve just throw you over his shoulder and run, until his legs gave out, but now, he didn’t even have the energy to stand up. he barely could move his hand, and the more he tried to fight it, the more tired he became.

the feeling of helplessness was eating him alive, both from not having any way of providing you safety, and for not protecting you earlier, not to mention how he couldn’t find the right words to say to you now.

“listen” he started carefully, waiting for you to stop sobbing. “it’s painful, killing someone. it leaves a hole inside you that you don’t know how to cover. it makes your thoughts twist and fight back against you, it makes you want to leave your own head for how bad you feel. it sucks, believe me, i know. you didn’t deserve to have to feel this shitty. i’m- i’m sorry. for not shielding you well enough.” he said bluntly, not a hint of comfort or the usual beating around the bush that he used every time he intended to coax you. just pure, brutal truth. for once.

“it’s okay” you mumbled quietly. your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and you felt how it started to fall off its support. the numbness in your legs, this sort of stressful feeling of being constantly out of air- “i don’t want to die, though”

the sentence felt like a whimper, a cry of help, but tartaglia knew there was exactly nothing he could do.

“am i gonna die?” your voice felt a little stronger, laced with fear, and you lifted your eyes back onto him, in search of a “no” that you knew you wouldn’t find. “i’m gonna leave this world with killing a man as my last memory” you laughed bitterly, before laugh became a cry, and tears mixed with sweat on the surface of your cheeks. “that’s the worst fucking death i could ever imagine”

“baby, look at me” he asked calmly “come here”

when you moved to sit on his side, his hand, sticky from blood, intertwined its fingers with yours, and squeezed tightly.

“look. we’re sitting on a hill, under a tree, the sun is high up in the sky, a meadow below us, it’s a perfect date!” he laughed so authentically, you almost believed it was true. “we’re on a dream date, isn’t that amazing? and look.”

with that, he tilted your head towards his, and kissed you softly and shortly.

“i love you.” he said in the calmest manner he could force out “is that a better memory?”

you placed your head on his side, attempting to hug him even a little bit, tears staining his uniform even more.

“i don’t want to leave you.”

“i’ll be right behind you. guarding your back, like i always do. after all, i promised to always protect you, right? death won’t change my plans.”

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from The Lost Tomb, part 3

I didn’t mean for this to stray into angst but like the lack of updates with Li Cu in LTR?? I had to do it to em.

Wushanju Crew Chat, 11:05pm

Li Cu: what’s up losers I’m outside

Li Cu: someone come on and open the damn door

Wang Meng: Language:(

Li Cu: fine, someone come on and open the damn door please

Snake Eyes Chat, 7:00am

Wu Xie: hey are you awake? Sorry I missed you coming in:) was finishing up some work. How was the end of your first semester? Did that geology paper go well? Did the food budget work out or do you need some extra money next semester?

Li Cu: yeah about your work

Li Cu: heard a little rumor

Li Cu: about you going through some stuff during ur recent trip

Li Cu: some stuff you maybe forgot to mention

Li Cu: and you told me we gotta check in with stuff, so this is me checking in, okay

Wu Xie: oh? What stuff?

Li Cu: idk just like

Li Cu: THE STUFF WITH YOU ALMOST FUCKING DYING FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND THE WAREHOUSE SHIT AND ERJING AND PEOPLE HURT YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A THUNDER CITY AND NOONE FUCKING CALLED ME ABT THOSE PARTS ONCE

Wu Xie: oh. That stuff.

Li Cu: yeah asshat I’m in the kitchen whenever you’re ready to explain your fucking bullshit. Also you’re out of milk wtf how am I supposed to make breakfast here

Main Chat, 11:14am

Wu Xie: okay so it’s possible I fucked up a little bit.

Wang Pangzi: THERES JUST SO MUCH YOU COULD BE REFERRING TO I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START

Zhang Qiling: What’s wrong?

Honorary Wu Chat, 11:30am

Wang Pangzi: KID IM SO SORRY THAT PUNK IS A TRAINWRECK BUT YOU KNEW THAT

Wang Meng: Welcome home, Li Cu <3 not much has changed, ultimately.

Wang Pangzi: IT DIDNT EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT HE WOULDNT TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT ONCE THE REST OF US FIGURED IT OUT

WAIT HOW DID YOU FIND OUT

Li Cu: it’s okay. not your fault, uncle. Doesn’t matter how I found out. Wait wait hold on what do you mean “the rest of us figured it out” who figured it out

Wang Pangzi: SAY HELLO LIU SANG

Liu Sang: …hello.

Wang Pangzi: SAY MORE THAN THAT.

Liu Sang: uh…so you’re Wu Xie’s protégé, huh?

Li Cu: oh well howdy there homewrecker

Liu Sang: Excuse me??

Zhang Qiling: I think someone on the roof is calling me and I should go find out.

Wang Meng: I would also very much like to be removed from this conversation.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHAHA KIDDO IVE MISSED YOU

Li Cu: all I’m saying is aren’t you the little creep who’s obsessed with Xiao Ge

Liu Sang: ???

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu is referring to a brief period of irrational thought on Wu Xie’s part, where he mistakenly believed you to be a threat to our relationship.

Liu Sang: what do you mean a threat??

Wang Pangzi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIANZHEN HAD “A BRIEF PERIOD OF IRRATIONAL THOUGHT”

YOUVE MET YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT

Wang Meng: can you please take me off this chat.

Liu Sang: Wait, so Wu Xie told you about me, but…reading between the lines, he didn’t mention the cancer or anything bad that happened? Oh yikes.

Li Cu: don’t change the subject “Liu Sang”

if that is your real name

Like yeah you’re right abt it but still

just saying

heard you got good ears but I’ve got snake powers

kinda

so like no more funny business okay you superhearing harlot

Wang Meng: LANGUAGE, LI CU. IN THIS HOUSE WE SHOW GOOD MANNERS.

Wang Pangzi: LMAO OH DO WE NOW

Zhang Qiling: Li Cu, this is all unnecessary and childish. Please apologize.

Li Cu: you say that now bruh but apparently you weren’t complaining when he was all “idol this” and “idol that”

oh and hey Wang Meng while we’re here can I show you my business class grade report later bc Wu Xie is all “what matters is that you learned and enjoyed the experience” blah blah all eat pray love you know how he gets and I want to actually discuss areas to improve so that when I take over this joint I do better than Wu Xie? Tho that shouldnt be hard lol

Wang Meng: hurtful but accurate. I’ll bring my best red pen:)

Liu Sang: oh my god. I’m too jetlagged to keep up with any of this.

Wang Pangzi: BEST. DAY. EVER. IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR HEI XIAZI.

Not A Homewrecker Chat, 11:52am

Liu Sang: Okay, we started off on the wrong foot.

Li Cu: I agree let’s start over

Start with how your little prank game almost got ppl killed

Liu Sang: And I seriously regret that. But we moved past that.

Wow, he seriously skipped over so much bullshit but didn’t skimp on mine, huh.

Li Cu: AHA so you ADMIT IT

Liu Sang: I’d like to think I’ve grown since then. That I’ve come to see Xiao Ge as a person and mentor, rather than an idol. I count Pangzi and Wu Xie as my close friends. I’m going to be staying here with them right now, I hope you can be okay with that.

Li Cu: see in my head you were going to be a lot less mature about it and I had a bunch of great follow-up insults planned

Liu Sang: I figured. I’d like us to be friends, though. Or at least not enemies.

Li Cu: okay but only bc you don’t know me yet so you won’t judge too much for this and I need to get this out to somebody I’ve been thinking about it for hours and my friends are still in finals and I’m stressing a little bit maybe

Liu Sang: ?

Li Cu: I yelled at dad

*Wu Xie sorry autocorrect

Liu Sang: …uh huh.

Li Cu: I yelled at him earlier. for keeping all that stuff from me. He started crying

Liu Sang: Wu Xie has been pretty emotional since we got back. Not necessarily your fault.

Li Cu: I made him cry right there at the kitchen sink and it felt like maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done

Snake venom and stabbings, no tears

Me saying I wouldn’t have gone to his funeral, all tears

Which I know was shitty to say but I was really mad

Liu Sang: If it’s any consolation, I think Wu Xie can understand the concept of being led by his emotions to make bad decisions…better than most people.

Li Cu: Xiao Ge came in then and looked weird

Like weirder than usual

Like he didn’t know which of us to be more mad at

Liu Sang: A common problem for the iron triangle, I understand.

Li Cu: I just ran out I didn’t have words right then and I feel stupid

but whenever they come back from their walk I’m gonna say sorry and stuff bc i could’ve come home to his funeral and I’m mad about it but also like. I could have come home to his funeral. I can get mean when I’m in a freakout mood. It’s not like I was scared or anything at all I don’t get scared really anymore ever but just like. Freaked out.

Liu Sang: He’s probably going to say sorry, too.

Li Cu: sorry I called you a homewrecker. Didn’t mean to slut-shame either

Liu Sang: I admit that after the initial shock, it was pretty funny. Super hearing harlot, it should be on my business card;)

Li Cu: this situation with Wu Xie is weird but kinda good ya know. And I have these freakouts sometimes that something maybe bad could happen to this situation. So consider this a shovel talk. But like, also not a shovel talk at the same time.

also I appreciate you saving his life and whatnot

Liu Sang: Noted. Now. Coffee?

Li Cu: sounds sick.

Be in the kitchen in 10. You can pick out what we watch for the household tv show tonight. no way is Wu Xie choosing some dry documentary about gravestone rubbings again. Pangzi just watches real housewives reruns and Xiao Ge won’t watch tv after he caught the last half hour of A Walk To Remember. Also i need my phone now to send some $ to Hei Xiazi since I owe him for…providing some intel

Liu Sang: Not even surprised.

[asmolemmeeatyouout]

The boys with Autistic! MC! part two ! SFW

(Bc I’m self indulgent and like 5 ppl wanted it so yesyesyes)

(Had my first proper spoonie day in a while today so imma finish this after what 4 months? Whoopsie. Sorry if any of the points overlap I’ve not re read my last post, please shoot me an ask if you want anything clarified/expanded on !)

Lucifer:

Has to stop his brothers from constantly bothering you when you’re overwhelmed (they’re just worried)

You very quickly learn his office is the safest place to be when overwhelmed due to the dim lighting and the brother deterring curse on his doorway

He has a record player and SO much classical music for when you need background noise

This leads to impromptu slow dancing when you insist he needs a break and there’s music playing

If you have your own records, the *smoother ones will end up mixed in with his

*smoother as in less staccato /distracting because he is most likely working

Very much enjoys spending time in silence with you, he finds it comfortng to just exist with someone without having anything needed of him

Especially if you’re both doing your own thing, like you just being in the room with him (playing a game or reading or smthn) while he does his paperwork is so soothing to him

Mammon:

Have you seen his horns? They’re so smooth and shinyyy, a+++ stimming material

He loves head pats so he’ll willingly put his head in your lap when you watch movies

he’s very proud of his demon form but also kind of shy so it’ll take some coaxing to get him to let you touch his horns but when he sees how content it makes you? It’s his new favourite hobby letting you play with his hair and horns during movies

(That said they’re very sensitive (like him) so be gentle)

He WILL adopt your love language and mannerisms:

if you bump people he will start knocking into you constantly, (wrists, hips, shoulders, head, any and all on random repeat)

if you like to collect and give things to people he will a. Hoard them in a little shrine (that he Denys. having) and b. Start looking for things he can give you back

If you rub textures you like you’ll find him stroking your arms/face/jumper right back (sometimes with his face, but only ever in private because he feels vulnerable using such a soft form of affection)

Levithian:

You cannot tell me this man isn’t autistic

Communication is SO! EASY!

Then even If you don’t understand you can just ask. You can just ask and he’ll tell you. None of this ‘figure it out yourself’ nt bullshit

Our baby has anxiety anyway so he’s probably ‘over’ explained it before you can say anything

(Over explained in the sense of nt, personally I love it when ppl get really detailed)

In that case he gets embarrassed about how much he’s talking so it’s your turn to reassure him that he’s not boring you

The solace you get in realising you like all of his autistic traits soothes your own insecurities

That being said your anxiety (if you have it) is matchy matchy so don’t expect him to talk to the cashier for you

He’s very chill with you being non verbal because either he’s absorbed in his own game/anime/show or it means there’s more room for him to talk about his interests

That being said if your special interests/ hyperfixations don’t line up on any given day? The bickering over who’s turn it is to infodump gets intense (this is the one source of all your arguments)

All the other brothers are kind of terrified/jealous of your relationship, especially when they see you talking about a shared special interest because you talk rapid fire and very in-depth. to them it’s almost like you’re talking in code or another language because they know all the individual words but what the everloving fuck are you on about

Asmodeus:

Has specific outfits he wears when he wants you to hug him (which is always). They’re made out of the softest material, or any clothing of his you’ve expressed a texture interest in.

Finds it so amusing when you come rushing over to rub your face against his chest bc mmmmm softsoftsoft

Likes to text you in the morning to see how you’re feeling (and how sensory sensitive you are because god forbid his outfit with chains and jangles stops him from seeing you)

Understands better than Anyone that affection and love can be shown in a whole barrage of ways not just physically

Figures out how you show affection faster than any of the other brothers

Immediately starts reciprocating it (partly bc he’s selfishly trying to make you love him most)

Satan:

Will learn about your special interests so he can engage you on the topic

Is the ONLY person in the house you can talk about any special interest with, no matter how niche because he loves learning (although he does prefer the *academic* side of them rather than pop culture but he will listen to both)

*academic* as in something involving learning about something or crafting or *how* to do something, not just like, maths

You’re pretty much the only person who can keep up with him in terms of knowledge and enthusiasm (even if it’s only for very specific things) and thus you become the person he talks to about his interests

Originally kind of annoyed by how absentminded you are (because you forget several dates) but once you get settled into a routine he starts to find it cute how habitual you are, and then realises it could work to his advantage.

He then schedules a date into your weekly routine (or biweekly depending on your energy levels) so you start to get upset if it’s missed bc it’s part of your routine. (Satan is ridiculously smart and is very much willing to manipulate your routine to his (and yours) advantage, he is a demon after all)

Beelzebub:

Gives the best squishes. He’s just so big he can literally envelope you (in other news he is terrified of hurting you so he’s very nervous at first, he’s used to huggin ppl very gently bc he is a muscle mountain)

Maybe don’t use chew stims around him (unless he’s eating) because seeing you use them will either make him hungry, or he’ll ask to see it and oops it’s been swallowed hope you didn’t want that back (he’s very apologetic he really didn’t mean to but it was in his mouth and chewed before he could think)

Literally the kindest man in the universe, if you have issues with shame or *guilt* (especially if it creeps outta nowhere or it relates to not being able to do something) he will a. Reassure you and give you cuddles until you feel okay (or one on one bonding time if you’re too touch sensitive) then b. Go help with whatever task was too much so you don’t have to worry

Belphagor:

Have I mentioned the stuffies? This boy definitely has a stash of soft toys that all have names and personalities. This originally stemmed from the fact he was locked alone in an attic for a year, he needed some form of company or he was gonna go crazy, and sleeping alone is meh in his opinion. But then he became attached and after you showed him yours? And you weren’t ashamed of your teddy bears or how much you loved them he confided in you about his. (And you had a tea party)

Problems sleeping ? (Me too bud it’s 3.44 am lol) nonononno baby boy has got you, just snuggle up to him and you’ll be snoozing in no time (I HC that being around belphagor just makes you a little sleepy and the longer you’re there the stronger the urge to sleep gets)

You’re at rad (or out in public and can’t leave) and get overstimmed? Belphie has got you! He keeps sunglasses on him so he can secretly sleep when he’s not supposed to. Also (imo) he’s the king of hoodies, both his main outfits have a hood (and you can’t convince me he doesn’t wear one of them over his uniform as soon as lucifer dips), my boy will slip his hoodie on you and wrap you in a hug to get you away from the noise/sights

(I am now too tired to write anymore, hope yall enjoyed!)

[kalinawtokilig]

S/O with a Charming/Sharp Tongue

Get ready I’m getting all mystic and biblical;

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing...” (Proverbs 12:18) 

But we’re gonna use that to SWORD TO THRUST INTO PPL

Pair(s) : Hinata Shouyou x Reader, Goshiki Tsutomu x Reader, Yachi Hitoka x Reader, Koganegawa Kanji x Reader, Haiba Lev x Reader

------

Hinata Shouyou x Reader

((Clementine babes,, *cue puppy eyes*))

It wasn’t much of a surprise tbh

Okay it kinda was 

It’s just,,, Hinata can match anyone’s wavelength, y’know??

This babe thinks you’re so frickin cool,,, throwing spats on someone who decides to make the first move to insult you,,, bruh you are literally throwing out clever insults that can make Tsukishima impressed

At first, he was intimidated by you, and was a bit biased, having heard you had the same mannerisms as Saltyshima

He still tried his best to befriend you,, 

And it worked! 

Being paired into a group project, he introduced himself as bubbly and kind as possible 

and damn,, ya heart melted,,, 

You became friends as you both bonded over which type of meat buns taste good after a study 

and you being a sharp, s m o o t h, muthafuca, you said

“If we’re talking meat buns, how bout I take you on another study date? Pork buns, right, Hinata-kun?” 

This boy had to process what you said and became a total pomegranate 

“ : 0 “

“Alright, cutie, c’mon if you get this question right, maybe we can get outta here and get snacks :3c “ 

You’re gonna kill him

and i think we all know he’s okay with that

Goshiki Tsutomu x Reader

((Omgahhh this babie,,, He is one of my fav first years in HQ,,, I do not pimp,,, I simp))) 

You’re actually a second year whilst this bowl cut bahbie is a first year

When Shiratorizawa lost to Karasuno, it was a defeat that reigned with rumors of how the volleyball team isn’t as great as everyone thought they were

Goshiki was greatly affected by this

:((((

He feels he failed his Senpais and felt more of a disappointment rather than a failure

You being a tutor of his, you guys would occasionally converse about tips on self-care or he explains with the cutest expression when he talks proudly of perfecting a spike

he seemed normal, but you can obviously tell he was not okay

Tsutomi-bae was trying to hold his tears in while the students that accompanied the library talked about the defeat of Shiratorizawa

Having enough of this trash talk, you sternly declared each one of them, even seeing a few second-years from Shirabu’s class. Setting them straight and saying that if they can take on the freak duo that happened to attempt to take down not only Dateko, Seijoh, and Shiratorizawa, then they might as well try to come back to school, defeated as well  

 You say at least Tsutomu was able to play against them, playing proudly as the upcoming ace and knowing at least some of their tactics

Sitting down with a huff, you nonchalantly continue to tutor him

He sits there, starry eyes wide, mouth agape, and a pink flush on his face to the tips of his ears

Tilting your head, cutely, I daresay, you ask him if he’s alright

“Y-Yes! Thank you, (Y/N)-senpai!” 

Humming, you smile slyly, “You are really such a cute kohai, Tsumtomu-chan.” 

Congrats, you killed someone

Yachi Hitoka x Reader

((YESZ I SIMP SIMP FOR HER I AGREE YACHI SUPREMACY))

You were a second-year in Nishinoya’s class

You were actually good friends with the libero 

as he was short tempered and ready to throw punches

you were ready to assertively borderline aggressive hurl insults on those who hurt your precious friends

unfortunately, while in a spat against other students, Nishinoya almost foaming at the mouth with Tanaka holding him back, you were snarkily talking the students down into their place

It was their defeat after Seijoh and it hit a sensitive topic to them

Yachi had been bringing paperwork to the teacher’s office and nearly BOLTED when she heard you talk with such confidence with provocation and underlying threat 

when you were finished putting those maggots in their place, your pissed off glare landed on Yachi’s

Oh,,, she’s shaking,,, terrified,,, 

Hurry to leave, she quickly turned around but rammed into the wall, packets falling to the ground

she scurriedly tries to pick them all up,, Babygirl almost shits herself when you tower over her

“P-Please don’t-”

You crouched down to her and she’s sweating bullets, seeing that your hand it outstretching until-

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to glare, you just so happen to be in my line of sight.” You apologized, helping up pick up the papers

Glancing up, you smile as kindly and less threatening as possible, “I didn’t mean to scare an angel like you, I really am sorry about that.” 

Yachi tries not to combust at the compliment you’ve thrown at her

Getting up, she nods her head in thanks and you ask, “You’re Yachi, right? Noya says another student joined the club, Yachi, he told me. He was right,”

“About what?”

“Managers, specifically you, really do bless the eyes of a person like me.”

Stop killing ppl you sadist

Koganegawa Kanji x Reader

((I have a thing for blondes,,,, Not atsumu tho, I’ll peg the sh-))

this babie, can just be frustratingly cute

its not that he’s stupid, it’s cause he does more action than thinking

when he does think, it’s on the court and it’s in full hard drive

You usually get into petty spats with Futakuchi cause he’s being too hard on Kogane

“It’s not my fault you have such an obvious crush on him, (Y/N) <3”

“It’s not my fault that you have no one to worry about you the way I do for him Futakuchi-kun </3″

People often mistake why you would for,,, a bubble headed blone himbo like him

“Why do you go for people that are toxic and continue to go back to them when they obviously want your convenience :) ?”

Kogane literally needs to carry you to prevent further provocation

Lots of people don’t get WHY him

And you tell others to worry about their own bitter, single, loveless lives rather than your better and healthy relationship

You are salty and jab at them when they so much as talk negative about your boyfie

Kogane really appreciates you for stepping up for him, but he worries for how far you’d go for him

“...”

“...well?”

“Do you...need me to murder someone, baby?” 

“NO” 

“Oh, then you got your answer sweetcheeks ;D”

You, my friend, need to stop

Haiba Lev x Reader

((Silver-grey haired babes HIT DIFFERENT))

Being in manager of Nekoma is like,,, chaotic but in a way you NEED to prevent Kenma from strangling Kuroo for taking his Nintendoswitch and Yaku yeeting a ball at Lev’s tall ass

Until YOU wanted to yeet a ball at your boyfie’s tall ass

He finally was able to spike a ball. 

but you caught it 

with your face

and blood seeped outta your nose

Kuroo: This is my part no one els- Kenma: Shut up 

Fiery anger. 

Yaku is the one restraining you from going on an all out roast, covering your mouth and holding your shoulders

“Yes, yes, (Y/N), Lev is an idiot.” 

“RAAWRFRREG”

“I agree, he can be a pain in the ass, but YOU’RE the one dating him”

“...”

“DONT FUCKIN LICK MY HAND YOU ASS”

Lev is so sorry. he is so sorry, so so-

“Lev, give me a towel..”

“Yes love.”

While Coach Nekomata calls a break, he chuckles at the young couple, that being you and Lev

Kenma cringes

As he cradles you with his larger figure, a hand resting on your head to lay on his shoulder

“You’ve improved on your spike, bae.” 

“I did?!”

“Yeah, next time aim for Kuroo’s unnatural bedhead, maybe if you hit it, it’ll turn back to normal.”

“Oi, oi (Y/N), watch it. Rudolph.”

Lev freezes when your eyes smile with confidence, and he restrains you

“YOU WANNA CALL ME NAMES? BRING IT ON YOU TAPU KOKO LOOKIN’ MUTHAF-”

Kenma : “nice pokemon reference”