#//Maybe I'll make another post to ramble and be annoying about it later.

[kingspuppet]

Due to the environment and trauma that Goro was brought up with he had to mature very quickly. For his mother's sake there was no time to be a child, and the harsh reality that followed her passing would only serve to harden the shell that he was slowly building around himself. No adult wanted to deal with a whining child anyway. He'd either be reprimanded or ignored, bullied and unwanted by the adults (and even some of the kids) that were supposed to protect him. Showing any signs of weakness, emotional or otherwise, was deemed undesirable. It didn't matter what kind of meltdown Goro was having or the reasons behind it, because every time it was met with annoyance and anger. Due to this it was never a matter of if they would discard him, it was only a matter of when. It was a pattern that he came to expect, and he stamped out any trace of hurt that came with it. Goro had to grow and accept that he was a burden to everyone, and in doing so meant becoming independent. There was no one else he could rely on and absolutely no one he could trust. This realization coupled with the continuous heartbreak and trauma to his heart made donning a mask of a grown, self-sustaining, matured adult all too easy. No one looked beyond his appearance to the rotting structure beneath anyhow. As long as the real Goro was buried six feet beneath in the darkest depths of his gaping, rage filled heart his presence was tolerable to the world. Unfortunately, his best attempts at maintaining physical maturity couldn't ever make up for his lack of emotional maturity. Anger became a second skin as if it were armor. It was comfortable and easier to deal with than pain, loss, sadness, and even love. Complex puzzles and cases were fun, but complex emotions were foreign and terrifying. He lashes out at others, at himself, in an attempt to manage the intense emotions he's not equipped to deal with. It's the only way he knows how to handle these moments so he doesn't shatter like a broken mirror. Even if it doesn't make him feel better about himself or the situation it at least gives him a semblance of control. It's better to know that he's making choices for himself and that no one will ever get the chance to hurt him first again. After all, no one can torment you if you don't let them close enough to try. For Goro, it's easier to be angry to protect the tiny child that lingers, frightened, within him.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

regarding the shipping (that you ship everything) (i'm a few days late, i know, sorry), do you have thoughts on Radek/Rodney? i'm mostly a monoshipper (even though i want to be a multishipper), so since i ship McShep i'm sorta just lowkey "maybe i'll possibly read a fic or two for them" with other ships including either of them, but even still, i fucking adore Radek/Rodney and i'm a bit annoyed with myself for not properly shipping them, so, thoughts? cute? boring? fun? =D

(John/Todd too. but i like Radek/Rodney better (because i adore Radek) (like pls David Nykl is so cute) (have you seen Arrow? Anatoly pls https://littlegirlinvisible.tumblr.com/post/159026461523 (warning for flashing gifs)) (also i love Anatoly's beard) (but to get back to Todd i have a huge weakness for Christopher Heyerdahl and if it hadn't been for him idk that i'd have liked John/Todd as much as i do. John having to look up at Todd *whines pathetically*))

be well and have fun! (sorry about the rambly mess and all the parentheses)

ps. have you seen Hannibal? my dash had something SGA-related and directly below that a fucked up Hannibal fanart and my brain was like "tumblr user sga owns my soul would appreciate that" and it made me curious. fucked up show, fucked up ship(s), absolutely amazing.

i did not forget about you i've just been rotating this in my brain while putting out the 15 fucking (metaphorical) fires in my life that all popped up at once lmao

SO i have. a Lot of thoughts about rodney and radek as a pairing and you're getting them ALL so buckle up bc this will probably be long

first of all, rodney and radek have SUCH an interesting dynamic and i love the way they go from bitter rivals to reading each others minds with the flick of a switch and it gives SUCH old married couple vibes but they also have such, like, idk almost brotherly vibes??? like they regularly insult and belittle and attack each other but they also are the only one each other trusts (in the science departments) and the only one they let themselves rely on in a crisis. just that kind of "i can say whatever i want but you if you so much as imply something negative i'll break your teeth" vibes ya know????

anyways i think if they were in a relationship of any sort it absolutely would be hate fucking, like they get SO MAD at each other and they're screaming and throwing things in the labs and everyone takes The Cue To Leave bc they know that exactly 8 minutes after the violence starts, the sex starts and no one is paid enough to be traumatized by that lmao but it works every time bc they both emerge from the lab two hours later with messy hair and clothes but also with a brilliant idea that'll fix their 6 current problems and probably another 3 that haven't come up yet omg they would literally be The Power Couple but if you mention dating or any sort of Official Relationship they will both shoot you

also john/todd makes me fucking insane and i'm going to forever scream about how they're LITERALLY DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER JFC THEY ARE THE BRIDGE BETWEEN HUMANS AND WRAITH AND I FULLY FUCKING BELIEVE THEY WOULD RULE THE GALAXY IF THEY GOT TOGETHER I LOVE JOHN/TODD SO MUCH FUCK anyways i'm normal about that ship

ps i have not seen hannibal but the fact that you saw something from another fandom and thought i would like it is the SWEETEST THING EVER and now i feel like i need to watch the show

[shallowseeker]

Was it you that pointed out that Dean gets showered with hate for allowing Jack to make himself into a bomb, when in season 11 his entire family was willing to let him do the same? I've been thinking about this a lot...

Sorry, not me. But I do talk about this and other Jack stuff in some of my ramblings about #SPN parenting, and I believe @jackgirlbluntrotation and I batted the tragedy of the Jack-and-Dean soul bomb parallel back-and-forth a few times, so you could look there as well.

But to get what what I think you're getting at, I think yes: Dean, is judged more harshly for this. I have some vague ideas why below. And I can't answer without being longwinded about all of it, and because I am NOT feeling very cohesive this week, behind the cut it goes...

Not meta, just random thoughts... I tried to edit it into something that made points. But I couldn't. Sorry. I'll try to revisit it later. This is like...three separate unrelated topics.

Sam & Cas + violence + getting onboard with Dean's sacrifice:

Sam and Cas do not object to Dean becoming a live bomb in season 11 to serve God's Big Kill-Amara-Cause. I haven't seen this held against Cas or Sam, and certainly not as a moral transgression. (This is not a hit piece against Sam or Cas. It's just a note that they're a little differently tied up with the idea of war-as-sacrifice.)

Furthermore, when talking about child sacrifice, I don't typically see a lot of Emma or Oskar or even Jane the Nephilim crop up in conversation, and when it does, people sometimes get annoyed about it ("I just don't care about them that much.") I do occasionally see Cas re:Jessie the Antichrist and May Sunder. Occasionally I see Sam:Emma. But hardly ever Oskar or Jane. But Dean is the caretaker. He's not supposed to cross this line of killing complete innocents. Also, as "parent," he has an obligation to Jack that adds another layer.

My point is...and I'm not certain about this...but I suspect that if Dean had overseen any of these above murders, it would be a much more daily appearance on the dash, especially Jane and Oskar, who were completely innocent.

Of note, re:Oskar.. Sam and Cas are The Two Men post-Lucifer that Rowena identifies as Love Matches. (She reserves her ire and hatred re:Oskar for scapegoat child, Crowley.) To Rowena, maybe even to the audience(?), the violence of Sam and Cas is expected, maybe even sexy? Maybe even the mark of a strong protector. Who knows? All I know is that we politely look the other way. And so does Rowena...

And I'm not trying to keep score in a murder show. Just...yeah. Something about this is tied up with Dean's role as heart/hearth/caretaker, I think. Maybe. Also parental roles. But that's always going to be conjecture. Let's look at more interesting stuff, which is how family sacrifice gets passed around:

Dean + sacrificial bomb

Dean -> The bomb sacrifice is framed as Dean's choice, even though it is just as coerced as what we see in season 15 with Jack. To make Dean's bomb even uglier, the reason Dean is the bomb in the first place is part-strategy, part-gross. "The enemy is sexually attracted to you, ergo, you can get closer to her." Dean is, once again, rendered as sexual (?) bait.

Cas -> Cas is the one who came up with the idea of the soul bomb, but he immediately shows regret and offers to die with Dean. Which releases the tension of how awful it is that he doesn't object... After this, Cas is forevermore anguished at the thought of sacrificing Dean and in season 14, he completely Objects to Dean's Suicide as Solution, even when solider mode!Jack suggests it. Of note, it may also be that in season 11, Cas put up a strong front about sacrificing for the God partially because Chuck was present(?)

Sam -> We are sympathetic to the idea of Sam being "okay" with sacrificing Dean because, at the start of season 12, we-the-audience are shown Sam's guilt over it, and that eases the narrative tension of how horrific it is.

Maybe the guilt over everything wrought in season 10 is what makes Sam and Cas more willing to not object to the bomb in season 11... But overall, for the audience, Sam and Cas's emotions about it make us more likely to look upon the situation favorably. Plus, neither of them is Dean's "parent." We'd be much harsher if John came up with the bomb idea, or Mary for that matter.

To reiterate, no one is responsible, exactly. I'm really just bringing it up as a point of contrast. Each character's relationship to war swings like a pendulum and is greatly affected by their psychological-wounds-of-the-moment. They all tend to swing the extremes, from Apple Pie Escapism to Holy Cause to Black-and-White Rules, etc. (And no one, save Metatron, has the proper mindset in season 11 with regards to war. And he gets killed for his trouble, too...)

Dean + Ma'lak box + "Jack iSn'T fAmiLy"

Notably, in season 14, Sam and Cas flipflop on the idea of sacrificing family. They strongly object to Dean climbing into the Ma'lak box--a stark and welcome contrast to season 11's soul bomb.

Of note, sacrifice MUST BE a complicated topic for Dean here... When you look at the two sacrifices, in Dean's mind, they were collectively rewarded for his hero's sacrifice/soul bomb (the return of Mary) but punished for his "selfish" non-sacrifice/Ma'lak box (the loss of Jack's "personhood" + Mary's death). So yeah, sacrifice is complicated topic. It never emotionally feels like the right thing, but in media and religion and hero stories, it's the heroic thing.

Finally, Jack's bomb is also complicated by the "Jack isn't family" of it all. Dean has more trouble sacrificing and walking away from "family," whereas Sam n' Cas, were always more pragmatic commanders by nature, and have seemed, at least from a distance, way more comfortable sacrificing their (military) family members (See: Balthazar, Rowena, etc). Thus, Dean sunders Jack from family role in order to make the loss more tolerable. It's awful! But very real.

Honestly, I think it gets at the heart of the matter that they're all soldiers struggling with soldier relationships to Cause, especially Dean. The longer Dean fights, the more he becomes like season 4 Cas or AU Earth Michael in terms of feeling insecure in his wayfinding.

The grayer morality gets, the more he can feel the tension of his own wrongdoing and the less "real" everything all feels (derealization/depersonalization). The soul bomb parallel plays into what they're ALL struggling with in season 15--purpose. Purpose/meaning is The Answer to AU Michael (and Chuck's) nihilism/nothing matters theme. But they don't even know what's real anymore.

The war and the horror and the heartbreak has dissolved all the meaning.

That plays into what each of them is struggling with in the terminal seasons. Their shadow selves and their best selves.

Sam - "Martyrdom Versus Heroism" -> You and you alone can do it / Save the world / I won't break your independence even when your safety is at stake / Saving the world at the expense of your own life is brave and noble and heroic -> (Sam's tentative answer to that problem: "I still think it's wrong, though.") He seems to realize, somewhere in there, that restricting power can be protective; that disinhibition of all boundaries doesn't look so great from the other side of parenting. He has an "aha!" moment where he understands Dean's relationship to him re:the complex nature of protection. Yet, Sam's eureka moments don't quite hit. It needs more time to resolve, possibly in the form of parenting his son, Dean, IMHO.

Cas - "Destiny Versus Genuine Hope for the Future" -> Serve the right cause and even heinous actions take on noble meaning / Live up to the big destiny / Be the God I couldn't be / If you're alive, then your life has to Mean Something Big and Awesome / Wield the totalitarian power the right way, in My Image and in Your Mother's Image and in My Chosen Family's Image, and bring the universe to its feet -> (Cas's tentative answer to the problem: "We don't love you because you're part of some grand design. We love you for being you." Cas squeezes in a late "aha!" moment only after the revelation of Jack's incoming second death. Cas rediscovers his faith, but it takes him awhile to have faith in the Small Things, not just the Big Things. Having faith in the future is healthy. Having faith in predestination is not. Like Sam, Cas is not quite given enough room to resolve, but his gets the closest of the main three.

Dean - "The Law of Purgatory Absolutes Versus the Complicated Gray of the Real World / Nothing matters I don't matter" -> Kill the right enemy and the law becomes just / "My life's work is a hoax" / I've been burying my anger all my life and it's finally spilled out like angry Leviathan chompin' at the bit for blood / So, get revenge / Take out the threat / Serve the ugly cause at the cost of our own lives so others can be happy / We are already ruined heroes / We don't matter / Save our loved ones (Dean's tentative answer: "The ultimate killer is not who I am." ) Like the other two, Dean never quite resolves. It would need another good one or two seasons to do so. The Winchesters actually helps with the above! He specifically talked about it in 1x12: The Tears of Clown. However, in SPN Prime he at least doesn't seem to be languishing in a complete loss of hope, which is one positive way to spin the finale. Nor is he switching to a complete pacifism at the expense of the lives of the two Crowther boys they wind up saving. He's not running away/escaping. He's really trying.

And finally... Through all this, there is also the parallel of giving up ("sacrificing") your son to War or to God's Cause, so that you can finally retire, which is the entire Ugly Thing with War as a Concept. Non-fighters (typically symbolic mothers & daughters) + aging fathers are sold the lie that they must give up sons to the Cause in order to preserve and enjoy Freedom (which is WHY Jack's AU Earth nightmares are directly juxtaposed with Dean's dreams of Hawaiian shirts and beaches in 13x23).

Always peace OR freedom, never peace AND freedom.

More than any other character, Jack is symbolic son. He is treated as Heir to his fathers' burdens and responsibilities. And the burden is too heavy.💔

One last set of parallels, then, with Jack AS each main character's Symbolic Fate:

Jack as doomed child (Sam; Boy-king/gold)

Like Sam at various points, Jack becomes the cursed child, kneeling to accept his execution for the crime of "murdering" his own mother.

It's the Sacred Executioner's suicide, too, because this is truly, as Cain said, "The murder that Dean would (literally) not survive." Like with Sam, Dean balks at the order from the father-God and throws the gun away. Tragically, Dean is excommunicated and tossed into a literal headstone, a motif for his eventual Death in the story. Jack dies. Dean "dies."

Sam wounds God in the shoulder and suffers a left shoulder / heart connection with God. For a time, this "infects" Chuck with hope.

Jack as tool of war / blunt instrument / bomb (Dean; Death/myrrh)

When Jack takes the rib-bomb, he becomes Dean from season 11. He feels "unworthy," so he "might as well be the hero / blow himself up to ensure the happiness of others."

The would-be victims and civilians even thank him for it. As Dean told Death, "I don't matter." Heroes matter only so much as their sacrifices are worth.

Also, in comparison to Sam, Jack is fundamentally WAR SON. Whereas Dean was love-offering-object-sacrifice chosen by Amara's hunger, Jack is simply "Simba." He is heir to the burden of Heavenly hero by birthright, outranking Sam and Dean in terms of hierarchy.

Furthermore, Jack is not Earth-son; he's a Heaven-son (the "son" to Sam's earth-son "daughter" role here...I hesitate to use gendered language, but it's about the hierarchy an the expectations of War as a Concept. Jack outranks Sam in terms of hierarchal expectations).

It's also why it's a rib that is blowing up Jack. The rib also calls to mind "Mother," or the simpler, non-gendered poetic: "Earth," as Jack is literally being sacrificed by Earth.

Like with Dean's soul-bomb, Jack survives the lighting of the fuse. Dean survives by getting defused, and Jack survives by detonating in The Empty.

Paralleling the Equalizer confrontation, Death tries to take Jack anyway, the way God took him even when he survived his initial Moriah trial. This time, it's Dean who takes action. He wounds Death with her own scythe, in the shoulder, just as Sam injured God's shoulder.

Jack "escapes" bomb death and Death!Billie, and Dean sets into motion the death of Death!Billie. (Sam's enemy is Chuck!prime and Dean's enemy is Death.)

Jack as God (Cas; God-king/frankincense)

Finally, when he takes God's power, Jack accomplishes what Castiel could not.

This is the final destiny that Jack seems unable to escape--"eating" up all the power and becoming more God than God.

Despite Cas's change of heart in the final episodes, it is ultimately Castiel's burden of Being God and the expectation of Heavenly destiny that Jack inherits when he ascends.

Since during the Equalizer confrontation, Sam wounded God, and with the rib-bomb confrontation, Dean fatally wounded Death, the narrative parallel for Cas here would be to fatally wound or seriously injure powered up!Chuck-mara. But instead, he sacrifices himself for love. (I saw a meta about SPN being a battle royale between Chuck and Cas...this lends some WEIGHT to that!)

In the final confrontation, Cas is absent (dead!KIA in this case), as Cas tends to be. (It's one of his absent!father motifs.) So Jack, as Heavenly son in terms of rank, has to stand-in for Cas, and the price is TOO HIGH. :(

It's a terrible fate. Even when Jack wins, he loses. He becomes nothing and everything.

Sorry. sorry. That was a lot. I was stuck at medical facility, so.

[lawlietscaramels]

alike to you, i have my own death note oc :D if it's okay, would you tell us more about yours? i'm genuinely curious how they fit into the story and their role in it altogether.

Miss Rie // 1429

keyo I'm going to squeeze you like a stress ball or something you're awesome and you better tell us all about your oc?!?!? :DD and it is SO okay rr I'm gonna ramble. cw torture mention, mental health issues, manipulation and other such traits.

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

Relationships, Lore So Far, Personality, Strengths, Weaknesses, Trivia

Relationships

She's aligned with Team L!! of course dnsjhd

Rie and L have a funny relationship because they've worked together for a while and seem close but aren't together (as far as the TF know at least. I'm not sure yet to what degree her relationship with L has progressed at the time the anime is set). but everyone who meets them goes: "a girl in love and a man who's apathetic"

She actually likes Light a lot, because he's a nice guy, when he's not Kira. would be friends with him in another life.

When it comes to 「Kira」 whoever they may be, she dislikes but understands them. She knows that there are problems in the world and a lot of them stem from "evil people", but she doesn't really believe in purely evil people, and also realises that Kira's methods are counterproductive.

Rie does NOT get along with Misa. she can tolerate her but only in small doses. She's always kind to her, though this is mostly so she can try to get information out of her.

As for the rest of the Task Force: Likes them all. She never met Ukita though cause she introduces herself a while after L does in my current plan. Thinks Matsuda is a little naïve and Chief Yagami is blinded by his love for his son.

At the moment I'm thinking Rie isn't an orphan but lived somewhere near Wammy's House when she was little. She loooves annoying Near, Matt and Mello.

Lore So Far

there's a lot of unrefined stuff, what I have here is likely to change

I mentioned beforehand she works with L for a few years before the Kira case. she actually spent a lot of her life tracking him down, basically just to play with him/annoy him because... she's just an ass like that. So eventually she was able to contact him and they played a Game of cat and mouse, detective vs detective (I have a minific written for this that I might share. also Rie's not quite a detective... kinda a vigilante? not sure how to explain)

my current plan is she ends up getting stuck in a situation like Light was, where L suspects her for a case (she hacked into his database and deleted all his files) and has to work with her and keep an eye on her. I'm considering that she purposely got caught bc she was in trouble with more dangerous people, but maybe L catches her because, well, he's the world's greatest detective and the dangerous people just encounter Rie later

she's eventually cleared of suspicion because she wasn't involved in the cases she wiped, she just deleted them to be annoying and win the Game. Rie sticks around to annoy L for a while but then in come the dangerous people!!

the reason for this isn't fully fleshed out yet, but she gets herself kidnapped and once they realise she worked with L they try to get information on him out of her (through torture pretty much). this bit is the bit I'm probably least happy with, I want to work on it more. but in the end her stomach gets cut open, she escapes and collapses/gets rescued, and L realises he can trust her.

Rie goes to various countries and does her own thing for a few years, occasionally assisting L on cases, before she comes to Japan for the Kira case

there's so much Kira related stuff that I think I'll make another post sometime haha.

but that is the simplified and unrefined version of her backstory!

Personality

a proud feminist!! because come on death note needs one. (I know I said earlier she likes Light and dislikes Misa but the way he treats her ticks Rie off)

honestly can be very annoying on purpose, like a sibling

that said she's a good person overall, has done suspicious contract work and whatever, but she loves people and she really cares for everyone in her life

energetic 50% of the time, asleep the other 50%.

Pretty analytical but definitely has and expresses emotions. Probably INTP but I'm not great with MBTI tying.

a sore loser. But instead of trying to win, she will just give up if she knows there's a chance of losing. that way she can tell herself that it was her decision and thus, she won.

Loves her friends + family and has a somewhat motherly vibe

Strengths

she's the smartest woman in the world!! because honestly it is a crime that all the smart people in death note are men and hey, it's kind of cool to make an oc who's the anything-est in the world. (I wouldn't say she's REALLY the smartest, she just has a fairly wide skill set and is intelligent. maybe the highest-achieving)

Well she hacked L's main databases so I think you can tell she's good with technology

Her major in uni was psychology! Criminal and maybe abnormal psych, that is. also has dabbled in sociology and neurology. Rie knows a lot of languages.

a good baker (this may be the real reason L didn't have her killed).

A cheerful presence, good at raising morale and making L seem more approachable and likeable to the Task Force. usually optimistic.

Weaknesses

I know I just said she's optimistic, but this is because she makes a conscious effort to be. Rie's got a lot of anxiety and worries, and struggles with several mental health issues.

Her pride is as bad as L's ego. Actually, she'd claim it's worse.

When she gets angry she gets ANGRY. will straight up punch someone in the face and yell for hours.

bad at processing her emotions in general actually

Rie has attachment and abandonment issues I think. also because of the whole torture thing she's got some pretty bad PTSD.

She can be really rude/blunt. claims this is unintentional.

physically pretty weak, too.

SOOO MANIPULATIVE! like she's a detective and she kind of has to be so to make the most of her psychology knowledge and get info out of suspects, but this will often seep into her personal life. "let's perform experiments on our friends and coworkers to increase efficiency!"

Trivia!

Everyone on the Task Force thinks she binge drinks coffee. It's actually hot chocolate

Rie has a cat! her name is Synonym, nicknamed "Sin"

her favourite flowers are hydrangeas, bluebells, and roses (she's got a literal guns and roses aesthetic going on). Her favourite trees are wisterias and her favourite animals are either otters or elephants.

She's autistic (totally not because I'm autistic and can't write a neurotypical character)

Rie is actually just an alias. I'm debating on, if she lived near Wammy's, she might have met L and this would be a nickname derived from her middle name. but then I have to explain the "woah memory loss!!" in the whole database/suspicion incident. so, it's probably just a name that she likes. or maybe she shortened her own middle name.

The full alias is Rie Takamura. She also goes by Hina Suzuki (Japanese equivalent of Jane Doe) and 1429 (fourteen twenty-nine).

SHE LOVES CASINOS. her theme song would probably be "Joker and the Thief" (or maybe not, but it's in my playlist for her). Rie's very careful not to let herself get addicted to gambling but gosh she loves going to a casino, pretending to be a dumb girl, and counting cards until she can sweep the table off its legs.

lowkey a mad scientist (mostly social-scientist but still.)

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

I'M SO SORRY I just realised pretty much none of that has to do with DN canon which is kind of what you asked about akdfhsfhrghiwg I'll without a doubt do a part two sooner or later though

𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜

character ©lawlietscaramels , ©dailyreine , ©riexliet. Though Rie has been inserted into Ohba Tsugumi's Death Note universe, her design, character, and non canon related storyline are all my own original work. Do not steal her design, claim her as your own, use her for “inspiration” — it's flattering but it often ends up a copy, feed any part of her (story/art) to AI, or do anything else unethical or immoral.

[33max]

Ok, I'm writing this in my notes so I can go to your Tumblr later to ramble.

First of all LUCY THE CHAPTER COUNT MADE ME HAPPY. I want aaaaaall the Turkey Dino I can have.

I love how Daniel referred to this Max thing as delicate. It makes me all fluffy because YES, it's exactly how I feel when I'm reading: delicate.

“He puts his toys away,” Daniel says, like that just reinforces his point. “If he’s playing with his dinosaurs and he wants to play with his cars, he puts the dinosaurs away before he gets the cars out. He doesn’t make a mess.” This part broke my heart a little because it makes me think in real Max. I know he's the only one who can talk about his trauma, but it feels inevitable.. With all the things I read about his childhood, how he expresses himself about certain things. Of course I feel for him. Maybe it's just because actually I'm thinking in my childhood. ANYWAY LOL didn't meant to be annoying. Let's move on.

"From Michael Italiano Staliano

He looks so happy

A couple of minutes later another text comes through.

From Michael Italiano Staliano

I just want you to know that you both have my support with this and you don’t have to hide it from me when I come over to train or cook, he doesn’t have to fight it around me" Michael is everything good in the world sprinkled with rainbows and marshmallows. I want a friend like him.

“Mate,” Daniel starts, he’s going to be honest, he has to tell Michael this isn’t just hard for Max. It’s hard for him. “You don’t get it. I can’t stand the thought of not being there for him like this. I’m coming home, but I need you at my place until I get there.” THIS PART. I always struggle a little with the lack of communication between characters, and you just did Dan COMMUNICATE. And I love you for that! This fic is constantly outdoing itself. (I hope I used the right word, I used google translate for this one)

"Max is running around the apartment, screeching, and throwing what looks like yoghurt at Michael." MY HEART, LUCY. This was so wholesome.

I'm so mad that I can’t give you more kudos. I want to kudo your entire life for writing this thing that makes me feel so so so happy, Lu. I hope writing it gives you the same amount of happiness that reading you gives me. Of course I'll be impatiently waiting for another chapter (and maybe for another chapter count going up lol).

Sending, as always, all my love and good vibes. Bye Lu!

Oh my goodness I am so glad that the chapter count going up has been well received! I was really nervous everyone was waiting for the last chapter and I just had to split it because I didn’t want to post a 12k chapter when the others were around 5 or 6k!

I love that you’ve mentioned the “he puts his toys away” part because I would say that conversation between Daniel and Michael was the part of this chapter I struggled with most. It didn’t come as naturally to me as the rest, and actually I second guessed it a lot!

Michael is a good friend! A really good friend! He pulled through when Daniel needed him! I do think that Daniel struggled a lot with asking him, firstly because it’s this new thing, secondly because he doesn’t want Max to be uncomfortable, and lastly because he’s jealous. That’s his job. I guess the need for making sure Max was safe came above all his feelings about it!

Writing this series brings me a lot of comfort and I’m so glad you’re enjoying reading it! It means so much to me! I don’t think the chapter count will go up… but that’s okay… because I have like 4 one shots planned 😅

Thank you so much for your lovely message ♥️

[nekostar4004-1]

I'm curious if we ever gonna see development with Odalia.

So far I don't really dislike her for being some type of antagonist or bad mother (I usually don't hate characters who are written to be bad, unless it's shou tucker, fuck that bitch I despise him with every inch of my being.)

But I also don't like/find interest in antagonist characters who are written to be bad just for the sake of it without any motivation behind, if they're interesting or mysterious enough to keep my interest while just for being bad, then I have nothing against it. But so far Odalia didn't really impress me with that (personality wise), I feel like all that evil was there for no particular reason but to give Amity the background of her downfall. Which I think could've been done without making her mother such an annoying karen or that unnecessary evil by making an abomination attack her daughter for protecting her friends (unless you aim for a psycho parent, in which case I'd assume you'll give her a major role later on but that doesn't seem to be the case) what I'm saying is, if she's a background character don't make it exagerated for no reason.

I wasn't one of those who had to wait every week for new episodes while s1 was airing, I binged it in like 1-2 days (I'm a late fan). But despite that, I imagined Odalia to be manipulative in a sense that wasn't "right in your face" type of way, like being subtle about it and heck even trick people that she was a nice person and Amity was just being unreasonable towards her (if Amity displayed hate/deslike towards her before we meet her) until it was shown that she's nothing like the mask she wears, and give the audience a moment of realization when it happened like "Oh, it all makes sense now". Idk I think it would've add more to her character. I want to like her as an antagonist, not be annoyed by her.

A background idea I had for Odalia if the writers ever decide to do more about her, is that her reason/obsession to make Amity thrive comes from her probably failing as a student when she was the same age (and an Irony to that will be Alador being in like top 5 best students if he was competing with Darius, I'd put Eda no.1 and Lilith no.2) and from there other ideas can rise. Now it's not a necessity to give Odalia a sad backstory for that and have her parents disappointed in her or something like that (this theme is overused) but maybe have her tricking herself into a mindset where power=success and gain power by all means weather good or bad will give you the success you're thriving for and make yourself known. And for more interest points, make that become an obsession where she feels that even with all the power she gains is "never enough" and that obsession will eventually center her attention towards her kids and that's where Amity comes in. I haven't figured yet a more clear reason or start as to why this happened but so far the middle is like this.

And I just realized how much I rambled about a background character. That tends to happen whenever I see potential somewhere lol.

Edit: well season 2b happened and now I'm disappointed. Ignore everything I just said. I'll proly make another post on things I deslike about season 2b.

[elecalice]

Little context. I LOVE listening to music. Especially electronic music. And more if it is dark. Funnily enough, I used to only actively listen to Video Game Music. It wasn't until high school and a friend introducing me to animation memes where I ended up listening to more music.

And I can thank a CERTAIN musician who has popular songs and, at that time, their work being so used for animation memes... I can thank that certain artist for making me expand more of my love for electronic music...

BUT.

I'm going to rant a little bit about STILL being broken hearted over the fact that one of my favorite musicians did horrible things. And I need to ramble about it because, Goddammit, Forrest...

Yes. The artist I'll rant about is Mr. Kitty.

TW// Grooming

I remember finding out his music through animation memes, and I was initially intimidated yet mesmerized by the dark ambient in his music, and I ended up embracing it.

His music resonated with me during the horrible abusive relationship that I was in. ESPECIALLY "Destruction of Us". That song represented FULLY the relationship I was in, and listening to that song was and still is THE vent song for me. When I listen to it, brings me catharsis. I also drew vent art with that song in mind, as well as other songs.

Also, his music made me realize how much I REALLY love electronic music. I ended up listening to more music, like Synthwave, Darkwave... Especially Darkwave and darker music. (The pipeline from his music, ending with me liking Post-Punk and more darkwave artists like Mareux. As well as me liking more general Electronic music like Synthpop)

How fan I was of that guy? I followed his Birdsite AND IG accounts. And I watched his online concerts that he did in 2020! And I even participated on the live chats! (And I remember being sad of missing one because I had to play 100%OJ with my friends... and a certain one who I don't know if I should talk about yet because YIKES, he was another regret story...)

It sounds cliché (and kinda toxic) to say that his music saved me? But I can say that his music saved my sanity to go even deeper into darkness during those horrible times.

How did I find out the horrible things he did?

I remember I stopped listening to his music because I was more listening to other artists (Both normal and vent-listening). I kinda forgot about him.

I was on Instagram when he uploaded a story, and I was like "Oh! I forgot about you!". Then I saw that he doesn't allow comments now. And I was like "Huh. That's weird. Maybe he got annoyed by nagging fans like in Youtube." Same feelings when I decided to listening to his music (revitalizing my love for his discography in the process...) and I noticed that he also disabled the comment sections, again. (I remember that he disabled the comments before but later reopened those... Only to then to disabled those again)

Time passed, and Astrophysics uploaded his After Dark cover with Miku, which is an excellent cover, btw. I really loved this cover. THEN I checked the comments... OH, this is where I found out that he groomed a teenager fan... I never knew about that controversy and I didn’t saw his posts confirming what he did, because again, even if I was following him, I didn't got his posts. (I didn’t helped that I read that he deleted those posts... What a dick move, as well as blocking the comments in response of the whole deal...)

Days before writing this post, I decided to check on his Wikipedia page and INDEED, Controversies page. There's the grooming incident.

...I was devastated back then, and still I am.

The worst thing is... I LOVE his songs, those have the perfect style for me. And again, those songs helping me during my darkest period of my life...

A groomer's music helped me deal with my darkest period in time, especially with me being in abusive relationship with a a-hole who asked for my heart when I was 15/16, and he was 18/19...

OH THE IRONY.

The thoughts of "I want to listen to his music. I love his songs" are in constant conflict with the thought of "I don't want to support him!".

[INTERNALLY SCREAMING]

(Although, from what I read, is that his ex will receive the streaming money? I'm really glad that's the case. Although there's the issue that Forrest's still making music. I'll not listen to those new tracks, though- Now that I think about it, HOW'S possible that he's, not only still making music, but also now under a different label? Did the new label didn't cared of the whole grooming fiasco?)

At least in the song aspect, I replaced his music with Mareux. In the vent aspect, Post-Punk.

I'm sorry for this rant. I need recommendations of Darkwave or similar music genres/musicians or... How can I deal with this conundrum...

And I'll finish this post with this.

Goddammit, Forrest...

(Random rambling, when writing a big part of this rant, I'm listening to Astrophysics' Miku Cover of After Dark. It's really that good)

[rel-bis]

Finally playing Scarlet 😭😭 rambling below

I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN IM JUST AKDJFJFN I LOVE POKEMON SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

About the technical issues: I've challenged 6 bosses so far and I genuinely have not encountered any big glitches or anything, the game has run just fine for me. Theres some occasional lagginess, but nothing that really got in the way

Ok actually I just saw like one visual bug, when I went into a Tera Raid and terastalized my pokemon and my trainer just straight up disappeared, but it soon fixed itself lol

Some of the frame drops are def annoying(Like that class introduction cutscene where the students are moving like 2fps, wtf was that 😭 And the grass gym's sunfloras lmaooo) but yeah thats about it

Idk maybe its because I've been playing in short-ish intervals, as I've heard the memory leak gets really bad when you play for a while without restarting the game. But the fandom reaction made this game seem unplayable, and its legit been a completely normal experience for me lol

The main thing that bothers me is just the lack of customization tbh. I thought I would get over this but nah its SUCH a downgrade, the customization in SwSh was so complete, I can't accept this shit 😭 why does Penny get to wear normal clothes and I dont 😭😭😭😭

When they said the game had 3 storylines but no level scaling, I thought ok, guess I'll raise 3 different teams, but I love the fact that each storyline's level cap complements each other and they're kinda meant to be done all at the same time. Sure, the fact theres no level scaling sucks and kinda defeats the idea of "do whatever you want" since theres clearly a set order to the bosses, but it doesn't bother me personally

Anyway, I just love the characters, the environments, the CITIES oh god i waste so much time just exploring each city and talking to everyone lol I'm genuinely just having so much fun, I didn't hate SwSh but it did NOT felt like this lol

I love the fact Koraidon/Miraidon is your ride pokemon and is treated like a 7th mon. I love how when you have a picnic Koraidon also joins in and you can play with it, its a nice touch, gives the legendaries more personality

I havent advanced much in any story to say much about it so maybe I'll make another post later, but for now thats it, i have hyperfixation brainrot and i love pokemon so much and i aksjddjajsj 🥹

[gildedmuse]

Hey, everyone.

So recently I've (predictably) very not well. Actually, whenever I don't post for long periods, just assume my body is trying to kill me. But I've gotten messages from three people asking if I. Okay, which is super sweet. I am actually trying to work on the next All Hearts, a really long ZoLaw post and two request fics, but mixing chronic kidney pain and capitalist society's mandate to work 40+ hours is not recommended.

But to prove I'm okay and still me, here is some Shanks antics with him being a total slut while Mihawk and Beckman just roll their eyes and go along with it. [Shout out to @jhaernyl who not only listens to me ramble about this stuff, but actively encourages it]. I also have many thoughts on the latest episodes and so many screenshots it's embarrassing. Hopefully, when I'm in less pain, I'll get around to actually posting those. Otherwise I just look like an insane person who literally takes by the second frame shots every time Zoro is on screen.

.... What is that? I look like that anyway? Fair.

Shanks Is A Bad Influence

It feels like Buggy and Shanks split up after Roger's death (the crew was told to, and they are the only ones who went to his execution) and I find it impossible to think Shanks didn't immediately set out and find a crew; like, pirating is the only thing this kid knows in life. This means two things:

He set out from East Blue. Also, he seemed at ease and familiar with the East so it's possible he spent like a year there getting everything together. Maybe he even played around in the other blues for a while before heading back to the Grand Line. I say this because his crew is from all over so either he found and recruited them in the Grand Line or visited various blues. Either way, I'm gonna say it took him about two years before getting a 'proper' start. In that case, he would have started out properly at the age of 17 and we know One Piece likes it's parallels.

That still puts Shanks at 17 to Benn Beckmen's 28. How the fuck did Shanks manage that? I'd call it grave robbing, but let's face it, the little tyke probably got up to some actual robbing of graves as well.

My point being everytime Shanks teases Mihawk about keeping this 19 year old kid on his personal island, mostly shirtless, Benn Beckmen just lifts an eyebrow.

Excuse me, captain, who had prefected the 'opps still don't have my sea legs' trip-and-fall into their first mates lap by the age of 17?

Shanks: Beckmen, you caught me! *Shamelessly nuzzles up* Thank goodness! I could be a devil's fruit user after all and - Ahh!

Benn: *Drops Shanks straight over the side of the ship into the water*

Shanks: *Sputtering* What what that!?

Benn: Checking to see if you had eaten a devil's fruit on us, Capatin.

Benn: You didn't.

Smart ass. But he can't resist Shanks forever. Shanks will wear him down eventually.

Next time Mihawk tracks him down for another match - because you know he gets bored way quicker than he'll ever admit and Shanks is at least amusing a challenge - Shanks makes a big deal out of how Mihawk follows him around, "accidentally" revealing they slept together, sighing about how it's so hard to resist him.

Benn Beckmen is just leaning against the side of the ship, sipping his booze.

Shanks: -and I can't stay for hours like last time!!

Mihawk: Are you quite done?

Shanks: *whispering* Does Benn look jealous?

Mihawk: He looks bored. Much like I am. Is this some strange attempt to get out of my challenge, Akagami?

Shanks: What? No, come on I told you I was game. But, hey, could you do me a favor? Maybe like try and kiss me or something? Like take a swing like your going to hit me but then stop shot and grab me by the waist instead.

Mihawk: .... Trickery is beneath you. Besides, you're absolute rubbish at it.

Shanks: Oh, come on, I would totally help you get laid if you asked!

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* I want a proper match afterwards.

Mihawk: *In a forced, monotone voice* After this I will take you to my lair and have my way with you, Akagami.

Mihawk: ... My lair? Really?

Shanks: *Holding up cue card with quickly scribbled line* What? That is how you talk.

Mihawk: I can't believe I wasted precious hours of light tracking you to this atrociously rural port.

Shanks: See? Now, read the next one.

Benn: Captain? If this is going to take all night, I am going to go join the rest of the men in the tavern.

Shanks: Huh? Wait! Benn! What if Miha really stabs me this time!?

Benn: *Salutes Shanks with his bottle* Sounds like that is his plan captain. Have a good 'challenge'.

Shanks: What? No... *Reaching out hand, like he might die if Benn leaves, looking completely devastated* Not even a little jealous...

Mihawk: You couldn't have thought that pantomime would actually work.

Shanks: Benny, don't leave me.... *Turns to Mihawk, immediately brightening* Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Hey, Miha, guess whose free all night and horny as a pirate in the calm belt?

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* Very well.

Mihawk might as well get something for the trip he made. Although, he's reconsidering if the sex was actually worth the trouble after he ends up listening to Shanks worry half the night that Benn is shacking up with someone else (after a couple hours of rough and raw fucking, admittedly).

Is it the hat? He likes his captain's hat. Miha, you think his captain's hat is sexy, don't you?

Mihawk: It's utterly ridiculous.

Shanks: ....

Shanks: ....

Shanks: *Smile* Ahh, Miha, I knew you liked the hat!

Shanks: What do you old Northerns find sexy?

Mihawk: I am only four years older than you.

Mihawk: And silence.

Trying to convince Mihawk to go spy on Beckman for him. Shanks doesn't actually care if he does sleep with someone else, it's more that Beckman didn't immediately turn angry and jealous like Buggy would have that has him paranoid.

Mihawk is going to fuck this annoying red head again just to shut him up.

Mihawk: Maybe he doesn't like red haired boys who don't know when to be quiet?

The next morning Shanks is pacing among his poor crew that's gotten stuck listening to Shanks obsess about Beckman again. IS IT REALLY THE HAIR!?

It's not even a matter of Shanks's age (or obvious immaturity). I mean, Beckman got on board and stayed, didn't he? Beckman just enjoys watching Shanks try so hard to get his attention. Like Benn's attention isn't constantly on Shanks. He had to when his captain is always one step away from disaster.

He only left him with Mihawk because it was clear Dracule is not a real danger to Beckman's captain.

Except maybe insulting him to death. But Beckman is pretty sure Shanks can handle it. He's met Buggy. He's suspects Shanks LIKES it if anything.

It gets to the point where when they dock somewhere and see Mihawk waiting, or come back to the ship and spot his familiar silhouette, most of the crew goes off somewhere for another drink (sometimes the newer kids will stay to watch such an awesome fight, everyone else is like... Look, you'll have plenty of opportunities later. This is not a one off.)

Benn just takes a look around, nods to Mihawk (a silent signal for, "he's all yours, do with him as you please, if anything happens to him I will track you down and make sure your last few hours on this blue world are as painful as humanly possible") and heads off.

Oh, it's just the Hawk boy.

That's fine then.

Benn use to be a sailor on a trade ship between the North, East, West and Grand Line. He's seen it all.

They called him The Gun Slinger BEFORE he joined Shanks's crew and became a pirate.

So this young, broke ass kid from the streets of some near artic northern island trying to pass himself off as a Lower North rich type has a thing for his captain? Not really enough to keep Beckman up at night, no matter how good at swords he's supposed to be

Besides, he's pretty sure for the kid to keep tracking down Shanks, he must be bored out of his skull. He's not going to do anything to endanger their captain.

Not if Shanks is the only thing he can find to keep him entertained.

One day, Mihawk is going to be waiting on the dock when a bunch of Red Haired pirates are stumbling home, laughing and chattering amongst themselves (Shanks's crew always seems to be in a good mood). One of them will catch sight if Mihawk and walk by with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.

The captain's occupied. Seems likely he'll be 'occupied' for a good while, too.

Mihawk won't smile, but he will think "So you finally warmed him up to you, Akagami?" and snort lightly.

Poor Benn, though. Mihawk could never imagine being with someone so much younger than him. Shanks is only four years his junior and already it strains Mihawk to put up with his occasional moments of "youthful whimsy" (aka being an annoying, immature child)

"A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair"

Mihawk just putting that on his Not To Do List.

That lasted until Roronoa.

(Mihawk just looking at Zoro knowing this is bad news.)

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

*Cross out, scribbles*

*Hands back to Benn*

Do Not Do:

- A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair a silly hat, who is overly dramatic and in any way, shape or form related to Gol D Rogers.

Ace: Hey what's up?

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

Go ahead, Benn, laugh it up. Mihawk is aware he has a type. Young, pretty, and utterly insane.

After that night where Shanks was otherwise 'occupied', it's over six months before Mihawk sees his friend his rival again. He is, as expected, far too smug and proud looking.

Shanks: Oh, Miha, so sorry you came all this way, I'm-

Benn: Well, I'm off, captain.

Shanks: What!? But we, you, I... Benn, hessoeexyarentyouworriedforyourcaptain?

Benn: *patting Mihawk on the shoulder* Have fun with him. Don't forget to return him by noon tomorrow, we have a schedule. Oh, but if you can babysit him for at least four hours? That would be great.

Shanks: BABYSIT!?

Mihawk: I suppose I can be troubled to do so.

Shanks: TROUBLED!?

Benn: Thanks, Hawkeyes. I owe you.

Shanks: *Fake tears clinging to his lashes* You two are so mean!

No, don't feel bad for him. Shanks is just trying to guilt the two of them into bed at the same time, and they both know it.

Thanks no thanks, they're not into that. But Shanks can be pretty cute when he's trying so hard (Benn) and at least he's not as boring as everything else in this world (Mihawk) so they allow him to keep up the act

Shanks: *looking at Zoro's wanted poster over Mihawk's shoulder* But I feel like you'd gladly go to bed with him and his captain if he asked. That doesn't seem fair to me. You'd never go that far with me and Benn.

Mihawk: *Eyes Benn*

Mihawk: *DEAD. ONLY.*

Mihawk: I have my reasons.

They can and do agree on plenty of things, including reciprocally not being that attracted to each other.

Shanks: Sounds fake to me

Shanks: But guys!

Shanks: This isn't about you

He's gonna need you guys to drop the egos and focus on what HE wants. I.E., being in the middle of two sexy Northern men.

Honestly, so mean to poor Shanks!

[panic-at-the-fiction]

Hello Darling pt3

Summary: (y/n) is the salvatores younger sister and she is low key in love with one of the originals. You know which one. The only problem is he is a low key psychopath and neither of them remember that this isn’t their first meeting.

Warnings: just harmless flirting

A/N: I’ve been in love with Kol Mikaelson for 3 days now. I’m being forced to watch vampire diaries with my mom and Kol and the rest of the original family are like the only reason I’m still watching it.

You hadn't gotten any sleep last night. You spent 3 hours in the emergency room with Matt because he wouldn't drink your blood. He didn't want to risk becoming a vampire. But you were trying to be a nice person nowadays so you respected his decision and waited with him at the ER. You didn't get home till 4 in the morning, and it took you at least an hour to get out of that stupid dress you had worn. You really wish you hadn't had gone to that stupid party. It had been filled with one disappointment after another, but now you were home in your apartment. With no annoying brothers, no doppelgänger sluts, and no originals. The sun was coming up and you were finally able to get some sleep for the day.

You didn't wake up till about 12 in the afternoon. By the time you showered and left your apartment it was already 1 o'clock so you were shocked when you arrived at your brothers house in time to see Rebekah Mikaelson leaving in the same dress she had worn to the party the night before. She only ignored you and walked out of the house. Not even making eye contact with you.

Damon walked down the stairs barely dressed after having obviously just taken a shower.

"What was Rebekah doing here?" You knew exactly what she had been doing, but you needed your brother to admit it.

"She was just leaving." He smiled and walked away trying to ignore your question. You followed him into the library.

"No Damon, I mean why was she here in the first place?"

"I may or may not have gotten drunk and brought her back here after Elena shut me down last night." He poured himself a drink.

You couldn't help but laugh at your ass of an older brother. It was only a couple hours ago that he accused you of sleeping with an original and here he is brushing off his one night stand like it didn't matter that he's a big fat hypocrite. "You know what? Eat Shit Damon."

"Aww come on (y/n) so what if I slept with Rebekah. Why do you care?"

"I care because last night when you weren't busy fawning over Elena you were slut shaming me for being around an original but today you're sleeping with one of them like it's no big deal. So yeah, Damon. eat shit and see if I care!" You stormed out of the house, not wanting to be around your brother any longer. He was a jerk and he never made an effort to apologize for it. Not like he did with Stefan at least.

You decide it was best if you went back to not caring and day drinking. So you headed back to the mystic grill and picked back up where you left off yesterday, half way through a bottle of whiskey.

By the time ten o'clock rolled around you were on your fourth bottle of whiskey and you were starting to crave something stronger, something that didn't come from a bottle. You looked around the room eyeing everyone in the bar. It was really packed since it was ten-o'clock on a Saturday. You were sizing everybody up to see who you could snatch away and take a bite out of. You notice some girl walking towards the bathroom. You quickly finished your drink and tried to go after the girl. But when you turned to leave your seat Kol was standing in front of you, blocking you from going after the girl.

"Hello Darling, I see your day drinking again. Whiskey of all things. Most girls are into champagne and fruity cocktails nowadays but you really aren't must girls are you." He set his coat on the back of the chair and set down next to you at the bar.

You really didn't want to see Kol right now or really ever. You saw another girl head to the bathroom so you gave up trying to feed from them and refilled your whiskey glass. "Not like most girls? Was that supposed to be a complement? You're gonna have to do better than that after what you did." You kept staring at the wall in front of you. You didn't want to look at him right now. Hell you didn't want him to be there right now.

"Oh yes how is the quarterback? All hyped on vampire juice and healed now?"

"No, he wouldn't take my blood. I had to sit in the ER with him all last night."

"Oh so is that why you're here drinking?"

"Why are you here Kol?" You turned to face him.

"Would you believe if I said that I care about your problems?" You rolled your eyes and you could tell he was just being sarcastic. "Yeah I wouldn't either. I'm not usually the one to care about other people and their problems. That was usually Elijah. Though I do feel different after having been daggered and living in a coffin for so long maybe I can give it go. So how about you tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine?"

You ignored him, just went back to staring at the wall and drinking your whiskey. "Well fine then I'll start first. Today my brother and my mother tried to kill me and all of my siblings, but then your brothers accidentally stopped them by killing my brother, permanently this time, before my mother could complete her spell. So now she's off in the wind trying to figure out how to finish us off."

He took the whiskey bottle from you and grabbed an empty glass to fill it up. You just stared at him, you felt bad about what had happened to him. You couldn't even imagine what he must be feeling right now. "I'm so sorry about what happened with your mother and for what my brothers did. I had no idea they were planning any of this. Which one of your brothers was it?"

"Finn." He downed what he could of the whiskey and refilled. He was obviously having a bad day.

"Were you two close?"

"No not really. He was a lot older and he spent the better half of the last millennium in a box for having a stick up his ass."

"Your family is something else."

He laughed a bit "You're telling me. So what happened to you today? Couldn't be any worse than my day."

"No but it wasn't any good." Kol just kept drinking and nodded along. "Went to my brother's house this afternoon to check in on them and make peace after last night. Turns out he and your sister hooked up last night. So I called him a hypocritical dick for yelling at me last night and for accusing me of sleeping with you then stormed out of the house and came here."

"So that's where Rebekah was last night. I'll have to remember to torment her later with that." He raised his glass and clinked it with yours, "Cheers."

"Cheers." You couldn't help but to stare at Kol. Despite everything he did last night you didn't hate him. He was different tonight, he wasn't cocky and confident he seemed genuine. About an hour and a bottle later. You were both pretty drunk, even for vampires. You found yourself once again wanting to spend more time with the jerk. After everything he did to your friend you still liked him, more than you probably should have. Everything about him just seemed so familiar and comfortable.

You decided it was best that you left before you tried to do anything you might regret. "I should probably get going, it's late."

"Do you need me to walk you home or get you a cab?" Kol started to laugh, "I'm trying to be nice here, I'm not sure it's working for me."

"No, I'll be okay. I don't live far from here." You got up and started to walk towards the door as Kol stopped you about half way.

"Hey (y/n) wait!" He grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. "I'm sorry about what I did at the ball yesterday. I was mad at my sister and I took it out on your friend Matt and your brother."

It fell silent between you two for a moment. Kol was still holding your wrist in his hand. You started to laugh, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just, you're apologizing for trying to kill my only friend and my brother and I've just forgiven you. I'm not even upset about it, Because I've been there before, when you're so mad at someone that you take it out on someone else. It's just so weird I should be mad at you right now but I'm not. Part of me likes you even more now." You just kept laughing at yourself. You were totally drunk off your ass. You didn't even realize you said you liked him out loud.

"Wait did you just say you like me more now? So you actually did like me before?" Kol smiled at you. You were mad at yourself for saying that out loud but glad you got Kol to perk up a bit. You noticed him moving a bit closer to you.

"Maybe" the alcohol was really kicking in. You felt more confident than you had in a long while.

Kol leaned down a bit so you two were closer together "Does that mean I still have a chance?"

"Maybe." You saw him glance down a few times to stare at your lips too. You both were waiting for someone else to make the first move. You were as close as you two could get without touching.

Tired of the waiting, Kol closed the gap between you. He pulled you closer by your wrists before moving his hands to the side of your face. Your hands ran up through his short brown hair. You could already taste the whiskey on him. It didn't take you long before you both were gasping for air and had to pull apart slightly. Neither of you could seem to decide what to say next.

You broke the silence, "You know on second thought I might need a walk home. My place is just two blocks over."

Kol pulled away from you and laughed. He quickly grabbed his coat from the back of his chair. He smiled and held his hand out to you "Well then, lead the way."

I just want to say thanks again to @hellish-ramblings-of-an-emo for helping me edit these and get these first few chapters out here. You have been such an inspiration to me and you make me want to write more everyday!

Also thank you to all the people who have been liking this story and I’ll be posting new chapter from now on every week! I would also love to take request for fic ideas to help me fill up this blog with stories.

[just-dreaming-about]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS #2

So here I am again! This time I have the part 2 of my first fanfiction about Spider-Man where our protagonist (Thalia) is going through too much for her and everything is out of control. This is more angst than I pretended but I kinda like the way this is going. Anyway, enjoy!

The redhead was in a poorly lit room with a couple of lamps and entertained herself by punching a punching bag, in the center of which was a red spray drawing of a spider. The sweat running down his forehead was proof that she had been there for several hours. She was tired, frustrated, angry, but one more punch was the difference between winning and losing. She didn't bother to turn when the sound of the door indicated that someone had entered the room but was forced to stop when that person entered her range of vision. A blond boy with brown eyes dressed in a white shirt and dress pants was staring at her so intently that she was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

-This had better be important -she growled, taking off the gloves that protected her knuckles to grab her water bottle.

-I wouldn't bother going down here if It wasn't -he replied annoyed- Prepare yourself, I want you out in a hour.

Thalia spat out the water in surprise and coughed several times to catch her breath. With her hand she wiped the water from her face, which was now glowing with joy and impatience.

-Out? Back to work? I'm going for my suit!

Before the girl could take three steps he cut her off.

-Civil clothes, Thalia. Recon mission, they won't risk you.

As if it were a balloon deflating, Thalia turned to look at him disappointed just in time to receive a folder of papers that he had thrown at her.

-Recon?

-Vigilance, actually. That is your goal. Do not lose sight of him and better that you are not discovered this time. You are in testing period again, do not risk it.

-Okay -she growled in frustration, heading for the exit much more slowly this time.

-Thalia.

The redhead only turned with a raised eyebrow.

-You should go see your father.

Thalia's heart stirred uneasily, struggling between guilt and pride.

-It's none of your business -she muttered resentfully, opening the door and slamming it shut.

_________________________

Later on the streets of New York.

-Target in sight, radio silence until further notice -the girl whispered before turning off the hearing aid hidden in her ear.

Captain America in all his glory was a couple of meters from her, with a group of men and women he was helping to train in the park. They stretched and flexed as she sat under a tree drinking water and pretending she was enjoying a peaceful morning.

When more than half an hour had passed without anything interesting happening, Thalia simply let her imagination run wild. Spider-Man's words were repeated over and over in his head since their last meeting. Anger and frustration filled her and focused on her fist, which began to squeeze the water bottle she was holding until it doubled over. With an eye on Captain America who had now been joined by Sam, she got up to drop the bottle and then buy herself another at a stall a few meters from her position. This also served as a cover, pretending to be normal something she hadn't known for a year and a half at least. That was what she didn't like about vigilance, too much time alone with herself. For a year now she had been trying not to be left alone with her own thoughts, which were arguing with each other at a speed that was difficult to continue reviewing her greatest mistakes and criticizing her exploits to be better.

So deep in thought was she that didn't see the person she ended up colliding. He was a boy a little taller than she, with curly brown hair and edgy chocolate eyes, wearing plain jeans and a shirt with an atom joke on it. The boy was handsome but he was a bundle of nerves, he just apologized and asked if she was okay.

-Peter Parker -he introduced himself with a nervous smile after helping her up.

-Nice to meet you, Parker -she said absently looking around.

It seemed as if the boy was waiting for her to introduce herself and that made her feel a little uncomfortable.

-Thalia -she finally said- Thalia Strand.

-Nice name -the boy smiled almost relieved that the girl wanted to continue talking- Do you come around often?

-Not really -she replied, her gaze wandering around the park almost about to panic because she couldn't find Captain America.

-Have you lost something? I can help?-the boy continued offering himself.

She looked him one last time, up and down, making the boy more nervous at times.

-I'll manage on my own, thanks -her response was a little too abrupt but she wasn't going to stay to apologize.

She left the park in the direction of the busy streets and looked everywhere. How could someone as famous as Captain America go unnoticed in New York? She couldn't report her situation because she had been on silent radio for hours and because it would make her look bad after her last failure. Frustrated, she took out her cell phone and started searching in social networks, someone have to post something about him because everyone loved Captain America and the social red it's a good place to freak out just seeing captain America at the metro. And there he was, at a little cafe two roads at her right. So she went there without hesitation and saw him easily from the window of the cafeteria taking pictures with the workers.

She decided to hide in the bookstore across the street where she would go unnoticed and could easily monitor her target. Hiding among the shelves that were displayed in the middle of the street, a cover caught his attention "Spider-Man friend and neighbor or a danger to our city?". Thalia's small laugh was heard, she couldn't agree more with that writer named Jameson. Then she heard a small noise and she felt her body tempt in anticipation, an automatic response after what happened on her last mission. In a quick motion, she had a boy's arm against his back and he was crushing his face against the bookshelf.

-It's me. Peter Parker. We just meet at the park a few minutes ago. I... -the boy was interrupted by Thalia who speak like she wasn't believing what the boy was saying. In fact, she wasn't believing a word at this point.

- You have been following me? That's creepy, you know?

-Like a girl who looks innocent but she can push me against the bookshelf without a hand? Yeah. Creepy.

-You don't know how to talk to girls, right? -she said as she leave the guy so he can take care of his arm.

-Really? I just came because this fell from your pocket when we collide.

In the boy's hand was a little blue pendant. It wasn't too much, it was just a little pendant of a turquoise stone obelisk with a silver chain. She freak out a bit at the realization that the necklace wasn't in her pocket.

-Don't worry, I just came to return this to you. I thought it was important to you -smiled this guy, Parker, while he leave the necklace in her hand.

She was so confused right now. This guy, whom she didn't know, came to her from the park just to give this to her just because he tough it was important to her. Something inside her made her feeling weird.

-Thanks -she muttered a little shy.

-Nothing -the always smiling boy stood there as if there was something that Thalia had forgotten.

The weird feeling that Thalia was feeling before just go away. Now the suspicious was on her mind. This guy, Parker, was waiting a reward or something?

-What now? I have thanked you.

Suddenly Parker realize that he was staring at her too much so he blushed abruptly and start rambling about incoherent things like he didn't want to stare or like it wasn't like she wasn't pretty enough not to stare because she was, pretty he wanted to say she was pretty but he wasn't her to feel uncomfortable with him.

At this point Thalia was just enjoying the sight of this cute boy just freaking out. It wasn't something she was used to. The flirt, if this was flirting, and the nervous. Things like that was just left behind when her dad started feeling really bad. And this little thought brought her back to reality. Where was him?

-Not again -she growled really frustrated now.

-I... I'm sorry if I'm bothering you.

Thalia look at this guy one more time. She thought that if she wasn't in this situation maybe she would invite Parker to a cafe and would flirt around just to make him freak out and rumble about things because was cute and funny even if they wouldn't meet never again just to enjoy chat with someone new. But she had no option.

-Look, I think this is funny and you're cute but I'm doing something important so thank you again for the necklace but I have to go.

She spoke so fast that the guy didn't have any chance to say anything more. The girl ran away from the guy and looked everywhere for her objective but it wasn't around. She swore under her breath. Why was happening this to her? She was happy two years ago, when things were simple and everything was okey and she didn't have to grow up and take care of herself.

This wasn't supposed to happen to her.

She was about to cry. She knew that. It was that feeling growing inside her.

She took a breath. Then another breath. And then one more just to be sure.

And here we go again. Running through the busy alleys, looking for the objective when a explosion obstructed the streets. She almost freak out but composed herself. People started running everywhere and screaming. And there he was captain America just fighting a lizard man who came out of the sewer.

She hid in an alley from where she could see everything. She thought about disabling the radio silence and reporting what was happening but she didn't. Wondering to herself how a person would choose to take care of things like that. How anyone would choose to be a hero? Was it something that everyone would choose except her because everyone was brave enough to choose this? That makes her a coward? Because in her worst moment she choose to be a criminal, following instructions like stealing or spying. Her dad wouldn't approve it. But he wasn't there to take care of her, she was the one taking care of herself and her dad.

The lizard man throw captain America and she hide more so he can't see her hiding there. And she noticed something on her back.

-Hello criminal who doesn't hide her face this time.

There was Spider-Man. And she was so upset about that hero.

-You have to be kidding me.

-In fact, I make some funny jokes but almost nobody appreciates it.

She took advantage of the always talkative hero and walked back away. But then the hero throw a web to her wrist and pulled her to his chest.

-Not this time, my little criminal.

And then the lizard was thrown into that alley and captain America came running.

-Spider-Man? What are you doing here?

-Oh, hello captain! -waved the hero with his free hand a little too much excited.

-Take your girlfriend away from here!

Captain America was containing the lizard man so he can't attack them while both of them started rumbling about they weren't dating, this wasn't a date, she never would date someone like him or she was a criminal that he had to stop.

-I don't care! -answer the superhero- Just go away! This is dangerous!

-You need help, cap? -offered the arachnid.

-Go. Away.

The looks that captain America gives them was enough to scare Thalia and she was almost relieved when Spider-Man took her in his arms and swing them out of the fight.

-Let me go, you bastard! -Thalia was fighting with the hero without results because it was like she wasn't punching the hero's chest.

-Stop doing that or we'll fall from there. Do you want to become a crushed mosquito?

And then she stop fighting with the hero. At least until they reached the roof of a building where she pushed the hero away from herself and put in a defensive position.

-Why do you always want to fight? -he complained almost upset with this.

-Because you are the hero and I am the criminal?

-But you told me about this guy forcing you to do this. Even if you ended stealing the tiara I thought you were serious about that. I still believe you. If you have any problem them just...

-Just take care of them -she interrupted the hero- at my own. I don't need a hero to save me.

-But maybe you need a friend?

And that's how Thalia asked herself when were the last time she had a friend. But throw away this thought and reforced her defensive position.

-Stop confusing me! I don't need you!

-If you're confused maybe it's because you know I'm telling the truth? Please, I want to help.

-Why do you care? You don't know me.

-I learned that it's better offers help first than fight and then ask. I stopped more criminals like this.

And then something happened that surprised both the hero and Thalia. She started laughing. Just a little at first. And then a lot. It was funny the idea of ​​a hero offering him a help that nobody had wanted to give her a year ago. The hero was so surprised that didn't know how to act. And when she stop laughing she started crying. She was so upset of this. A new mission failed, now she wasn't be able to found captain America again and she didn't even knew why she had to spy him. Neither she know how to safe her dad on her own. And that was too much for her.

-Ey -whispered the hero, too close suddenly- it's okay to ask for help when we can't take it anymore.

-Why do you care? -she asked in response.

-Because I'm your friend and neighbor Spider-Man. It's my job.

Thalia was jealous how sure the hero was about his role in his life. She was too lost in her own life.

-Do you want to talk about it? -asked the hero in a whisper almost if he was afraid that she would freak out and go away if he speaks louder.

She didn't answered as she still crying out all her stress. The hero just sat there making her sure he was there with her. And when the cry stops, she looks at him with her puffy eyes and the red nose and the hero held his breath unconsciously.

-I don't want to talk about it -was her answer.

-Then don't talk. Just take me with your boss.

She really thought about it. Her boss was a horrible person and deserved to be in prison. But then her father would be helpless again. Hammerhead was the only one to accept taking care of the bills while she make stuff for him. At the beginning were only simple stuff like help his minions with the food and the cleaning and then started the training and at some point they were taking her in their missions. She really never noticed it.

-I can't -she answered defeated.

-But you want to paid for your boss? You want to go to prison for him? It's that important your boss for you?

She shook her head looking at the hero.

-You don't understand anything.

-Then tell me -his hand took hers to encourage her- I want to understand.

She had the impulse to tell him everything because she was so tired of pretending she was strong enough. She remained silent with that puppy eyes that the hero understood he would be screwed if he still staring at them also he thought he was pushing her too much. So he got up and headed to the edge of the building without a word.

-Where are you going?

-That lizard man was giving a hard time to cap so I'm going to help him.

Thalia nodded, not knowing why she felt a new wave of sadness.

-Will I find you here when that lizard thing is over?

The question was so surprising to her that she had to think twice before answer.

-I don't know... I have to return home.

The hero sounded almost sad when he spoke again.

-Oh... Then be careful.

And that sounded a little dumb in the hero. The question was written in Thalia's face.

-Because this is New York and weird things happen everyday. Like that weird lizard man for example or that weird guy that looks like a goblin...

Thalia laugh while the hero still rumbling incoherently.

-Like weirdos guys in weirdos suits jumping around the city?

Spider-Man stopped talking to look at her.

-Is that a joke or you're just being mean?

A playful smile grow up in Thalia's face.

-What do you think?

Spider-Man let a nervous laugh scape and passed a hand over his head in an unconscious gesture.

-I'll see you next time you're doing illegal things.

He jumps out of the building and Thalia could heard him calling himself stupid.

_____________________

Later

Thalia never had been so nervous to enter a simple room. She took all the courage she could and open that door that was so scary. The room in front of her was all white and in the bed was a man that looks way more old that he really was connected to a lot of machines that were beeping. Thalia needed all she had inside her not to cry again. The man open her eyes and look at her with renovated energy.

-Is that my little Thalia who came to see her old father? -he tried to sit properly but failed- I'm glad you can make time for your old father with your study.

Thalia walk to the bed and stay in with a guilty smile.

-You're not that old, daddy.

Her dad took her hand in theirs with a meaningful look.

-What is bothering you, pumpkin?

-It's nothing, daddy. I'm just tired.

-You're studying too much, are you sleeping well?

-Yes, daddy. It was just a good book.

Her dad laughed at that but then he coughs loudly. After the man calm down his daughter, they still there just chatting about nothing while the girl was containing a cry.

-Now tell me, pumpkin.

Thalia looks at her father's eyes and she knows she couldn't lie.

-I have a friend that it's in troubles, daddy. This... friend have to make a choice and I don't know how to help her.

-You and your heart -he laughed- Accept a advice from this old man? Just do what your heart demands, it can't be wrong if you do it with your heart.

-Even if that thing could make someone suffer?

-Well sure your friend have that tiny voice inside her mind. You know what I mean.

-You mean that tiny voice that says us to do the next thing right? I think you tell me about it before.

Thalia just stayed there with her dad 'til visit hour finished. The words of her dad in her mind just confusing her more.

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[mocacheezy]

Wanted to make a seperate post for this, because this stuff will go under a readmore. (damn it got long)

Added my two cents on this post, but here is what I do when I do have the energy leave comments on fics (and some extra thoughts on my kudoses):

Comments

There is such delight when I find a fic that I have to write my thoughts down while reading, because I love to scream my joy @ the author in the comment once I am done with the chapter/fic itself.

And hopefully by the time I reach the end of the chapter I can calm down enough to actually write something coherent aside from screaming and keysmashing.

Some fics get me that excited!

Some fics I had to put down while reading, so I could pace around the room, because the possibilities for where the situation could go are ENDLESS!

Some fics I've put down and picked up MONTHS later, because a chapter was just so good and made me feel SO MUCH, I was unable to read further!

There are fics I forgot about and returned to years later and was DELIGHTED to see them finished or still going (there was this one back on fanfiction.net that I adored with all my heart, and I plan on checking out what happened to it. The author went on a break around the time another fandom took my attention, but the fic was so good I still remember it from time to time. It made my life more than just bearable, it made me laugh to tears at some points. )

When a fic gets me that excited, I noticed I tend to either comment short excited comments before nyooming to the next chapter, or read all of it over a course of a couple of days, gather my thoughts and leave an almost essay long comment, because the whole fic was just so good and I want to say it all in one place!

There were a couple of fics that I actually WANTED to write essays on, because I appreciate the authors writting style so so so much! For some I still do, because holy hell, the writing and characterization is great, while ALSO gives us things canon/source material didn't explore. But, if I do that, I wanna do it good because KUDOS TO THE WRITERS!

There are also fics that have me grinning and commenting on what's happening outloud, but there isn't really that many questions popping up for me.

It's the delighted gasp and a "Bitch, you said WHAT? 8D".

It's the "Ohohohooooo this is going to h u r t".

It's the grimace or a snort of "You fucking bastard, I knew he was planning something."

With fics like that, I can sit still or do something that isn't too demanding attention wise.

It's relaxing. It's nice, it let's my usually very active and overwhelmed brain rest, WHILE ALSO giving me serotonin and the excitement/feels, but on a smaller scale.

With fics like this (especially one shots), I tend to leave shorter comments, because if I want to comment, but don' t have much to say, I'll still comment and tell what the fic made me feel.

"I liked/loved/really enjoyed this fic, it had me experience x"

Because I do like it! And so far almost every fic I read gets atleast one kudos because this stuff is so good and the authors are amazing.

I just don't have much to say at that moment. Or what I want to comment is missing something and feels too flat to me.

If I know I'll want to reread a fic, I usually bookmark it and write down some highlights/what I liked about it/make a comment of its own in the bookmark! Because looking at older bookmarks/bookmarks from a fandom you are no longer involved with can bring back quite the laughter... AND get you back into the fandom even!

Reading fics is supposed to be a thing you enjoy. If you are starting to dread it because you feel obligated to say something, hey.

Take a step back for a while. This kind of fear happened to me at some point when I was younger, especially when I started interacting with active content creators. They appreciate comments and those comments help so much when an obstacle presents itself and it seems like abandoning a story will be it. Comments and encouragment bring back the fire and joy of writing.

There is a comment I have yet to reply to, that's been sitting in my Ao3 inbox for 160 days (ALMOST 6 MONTHS, MOCA, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND REPLY ALREADY!).

It's from an author who really wasn't feeling motivated and the comment brought them such joy and excitement!

Why is it taking me so long to reply?

I never expect/wait for a reply from authors. ESPECIALLY not if it's a fic that's older (there are some amazing fics that were posted in 2013!!! Who knows if the author is still active in the fandom!*), or if it's an ongoing one that gets alot of comments. In the second case, it's because the author is already writing the fic, editing said fic and uploading it, could also be working on a bunch of different fics (because writting inspiration strikes at the weirdest of moments and as someone who has around 4fic ideas happening simultaniously, people who ACTUALLY WRITE THEM? Kudos. You are amazing.), not to mention most fic authors do this in their free time. So there's also their jobs, social circle outside the internet, on the internet and the amount of energy they have for social interaction with strangers online. Who am I to expect a reply to that behemot of a comment I left on their fic? If it made them happy, great! If it made them go "woah, that's alot of words" *shrugs*, eh. I am a rambler, it's what I do, if they like it they like it, if they don't they don't. Not much i can do about that, though I did leave a note on my ao3 profile that they can contact me if long comments/ramblings annoy them, so I can stay off their comment section and scream about my love for their works somewhere else. Noone has asked me to stop as of yet, but I like to offer just in case.

Most of my comments are actually posted as if I was at cafe or a restaurant, and was offered the Book of Complaints, Suggestions and Compliments/Thanks.

Complaints? I don't have complaints to leave, because it's my decision on what content I consume, and if I don't like it, I can always search for something else.

And if I didn't read the tags? Well, that's on me. That's like ordering a new dish when you have a food allergy, not reading the provided and highlighted allergen notes and warning, and then screaming at the staff when your food arrives. It's not THEIR job to know what kind of allergies their customers have. It's the customers.

Suggestions? Is the author asking for those? If not, no suggestions from me! If they do ask, and I don't have an answer I usually take some time to see if I have anything to offer.

Compliments/Thanks. That is the thing I love and what I click the comment box for. If a fic made me FEEL something, I will let the author know.

Do you know how amazing it is to read a fic and sit staring off into space after you finish it because "woah... that. That made me feel so much at once that I can't even name it." ?

When you read a crackfic, and keep snickering and chuckling, before you finally burst out in laughter or wheezing or snorting with tears in the corners of your eyes because "OH THIS GOLD, I haven't laughed like this in a while!" ?

When you read angst that tugs at your heartstrings and causes actual tears to run down your face and feel the anguish the characters feel?

When you read angst, but the story has a happy ending? Any you get to see the characters claw their way towards it, and actually reach it?

When you read hurt/comfort and there is that gentle care and love and safety that makes your heart melt?

When you read a fic that feels like sitting by a window with a cup of warm coffee while relaxing music plays? (this last one is becoming my favourite of them all and is actually the one I struggle to comment on the most.)

There is such a variety of works out there! So many talented and amazing writers, with their AUs and a billion different ways of writing!

3. I am a very forgetful person, who has to check her inbox more often. Plain and simple. Nothing more to it.

4. Some of these authors write back such lovely comments that make me smile everytime I open my inbox. I think I might make a scrapbook of some sort, to keep track of them, because getting the feedback of "HEY YOUR COMMENT MADE ME HAPPY/EXCITED!" or "I really appreciated this comment, thank you." makes me smile. ^u^

Seriously fic authors are amazing, and this is why "Kudos to them." has become a thing I say irl as well, and in any conversation where someone creating a thing is brought up. I may not know or have a strong opinion on the stuff someone enjoys creating, or have nothing to really say, so "Woah, Kudos to them." is my way of saying "I admire their work (but don't have anything else to say about it)."

Learning it means Glory? Hell yes, those works are worthy of praise,and the authors really are glorious.

So here's where that lovely button comes in.

Kudos

I use the kudos button both when I have a comment to write and when I don't. I spam that button when I like something so much words fail me, and I click it when a fic reads like I have just finished a cup of coffee.

If I use the cafe/restaurant thing I talked about before as an example, leaving a kudos, to me, is like giving a smile or replying to the waiter with "It was great." when they asked if you enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it, but I don't have anything else to say.

Maybe it was just an interesting read, even if not to my usual tastes. It might get a kudos.

And if I read something that I thought I would like but it turned out I didn't like it or I felt meh abput it?

Well, *shrugs* well.

I don't have anything nice to say, and I probably won't read stuff from that author. There are others who will and others who will leave a kudos.

I don't think much about it because I read fics for fun.

I ramble about them because I am having fun and finally know I can share my experience with others.

You guys have probably seen the "Holy shit two cakes!" comic, which was originally about how artists/writers feel bad when creating something with a concept that many other more skilled creators used.

I remember that comic at some point also being used to explain that "It really sucks when you bake a cake, but noone wants to eat it."

I can't speak as a writer, because I don't post the fics I daydream about (yet! I don't post them yet!), but here's a little thing my daydreamer self likes to think.

I baked my cake, and I can eat it too, but I hope the cafe I frequent has something similar too.

Translated?

I wanted to read a fic like this, I made a fic with the idea I wanted, I enjoyed the process and the result, but I sure do hope someone else also makes a similar fic in the future.

I do however mostly daydream my fic ideas. So again. These are just my thoughts on the whole thing that is Comment > Kudos/Like > Reading > Not Reading

[bruiserelliot]

Shamchat wouldn't let me post this, so yeah

This is a conversation between Pidge and yourself, Lance.

Lance: Lance walked into the green lion's hanger, seeing Pidge hunched over a computer, the screen's light reflecting in her glasses."Have you been here all night?"

Pidge: She glanced up at him briefly, then went back to looking at her screen. "Are you surprised?"

Lance: "Not really, but it was a good seg-way for this." He put himself between her and the computer."C'mon Pidge, you haven't been sleeping alot, don't try to deny it, your eyes have more baggage than Keith."

Pidge: Pidge sighed and reached around him for her laptop. "I'm busy, Lance. And I can take care of myself."

Lance: "You're always busy, you always have been busy, and you refuse to take a break." He replied, blocking the way to the laptop."One of these days you're gonna overwork yourself!" He crossed his arms as he finished speaking

Pidge: She stood. "Maybe. And it's none of your fucking business if I do. /Move/."

Lance: "Yes it is!" He retorted."You're my teammate, more importantly, my friend and I don't wanna see you hurt, especially because of yourself." He said. It was one of the most serious things he said to her since Shiro had gone missing.

Pidge: Pidge slowly closed her eyes. She didn't expect him to get it. "Lance, just fuck off."

Lance: Lance narrowed his eyes. He hated himself for what he was about to say, but then again he already hated himself for so many other things, and it was also probably the only way he'd get her to listen."What would your brother say if he knew you were overworking yourself?"

Pidge: She laughed humorlessly. "If I ever see him again, I'll ask him."

Lance: Lance's expression softened."Pidge don't say that." He sighed."Look, you're smart, definitely the smartest person on this ship, you're gonna find your family, but you still need to look after yourself."

Pidge: She put her hands on her hips. "And you need to stay out of it. Now get out."

Lance: Lance matched her pose."Not until you promise me that you'll at least get some sleep tonight." He retaliated.

Pidge: Pidge rolled her eyes. "Sure, Lance. Now leave."

Lance: Lance leaned forward."I'm being serious here for once, that should show just how much everyone's worried about you, they're just all scared of you blowing up at them if they say anything. So, please, promise me, for real this time, or I'll bring Hunk in here and he'll use the puppy dog eyes."

Pidge: Pidge groaned. "Okay, I don't have time for this right now, we'll talk about it later or something, just /move/."

Lance: Lance sighed."Fine..but we are definitely talking later." He told her as he got out of her way. The hunk threat was emptier than the healing pods at the moment, but he had thought she would have stopped fighting at that point. He put his hands in his pockets, glancing at her screen. it was the footage of Matt she'd found at the prison.

Lance: He stalked out of the hanger, closing the door behind him. He turned around, seeing the others hovering outside the door."Well?" Allura pressed. Lance sighed."She said we'd talk about it later. I don't think she meant it though." He frowned. Keith growled."Why is she doing this?" He refrained from punching the wall. Lance looked at him."Well what would you do if you had a lead on Shiro? Probably the same thing. Look, just, I'll talk to her later, she's gonna have to come outta there some time.

Pidge: Pidge went back to reviewing all five seconds of footage she had for the billionth time, the futility of the situation hitting her again. She'd analyzed everything there was to analyze. Twice. Unless she was missing something, there wasn't anything more she could do. It was /hell/. Sure, she knew he was alive, or he had been not long ago, but what then? Maybe he was safe, maybe he was being held captive, maybe the group who broke him out had pumped him for information and killed him. It was impossible to know and she had no way of figuring out where they'd taken him. At least with the Galra, she'd had a vague idea of what he was going through. Meanwhile, she hadn't found anything on her dad at all. The situation was bleak and she was exhausted and they'd lost Shiro and everything was a fucking mess and there was nothing she could do but pore over the same stupid clip over and over again for hours at a time. Lance was right, she'd have to come out some time, but not for a long while.

Lance: ~le magical timeskip to a few hours later~

Lance: Lance sat outside the door, looking at the green headphones in his lap. Back when they had first come, it had been much harder for him to get to sleep since he couldn't listen to his music without headphones. So, Pidge had given him her headphones, saying that since she could get a primary source of information, she wouldn't need them anymore. And god it had helped so much. He wanted to do something like that for her. He didn't want her to feel the way he did. She was too good for that. It's not like he could get her family back, but he did wanna show her that she had another family here on the ship, even if it was a little broken at the moment. He considered knocking on the door, but figured that would just end the same way it had that morning. It would be better to let her come to him.

Pidge: Hours later and Pidge couldn't focus anymore. She also hadn't eaten in... awhile. Oops. Totally exhausted and a little defeated, she decided it was probably time to eat breakfast (lunch? dinner? what time was it?). She yawned, stretched, then finally left Green's hangar.

Lance: Lance jumped as he heard the door open and turned to see Pidge."Uh..hey." He stood up and handed the headphones to her."I figured you might wanna hear Matt in better sound quality." He smiled a little bit, but it dropped a few seconds after."I-I'm sorry about earlier, I was probably just being annoying and that was definitely not a good way to go about trying to help." He rambled.

Pidge: Pidge hadn't really been expecting anyone to be waiting for her and she blinked at him as her brain caught up with the situation, then pressed her headphones back into Lance's hands. "Thanks, but you can't hear him anyway." She started off for the kitchen again. "Don't worry about it."

Lance: Lance smiled a little and put the headphones around his neck and followed her."So, no luck yet?" He asked. He already knew the answer, but if he got her talking maybe she'd consider trying to sleep.

Pidge: She tensed, just slightly. "No."

Lance: Lance frowned, then considerably brightened as he remembered the morning meeting Pidge had missed."Wait a sec, Coran mentioned something earlier about an overtaken galra base, what if he's there?!" He exclaimed.

Pidge: She shook her head. "That wouldn't make any sense. The group that took him was clearly well-organized. You'd have to be a fucking idiot to take over a Galra base and stay there. The Galra wouldn't stand for it, they'd annihilate the place."

Lance: Lance frowned at that."Oh...yeah, you have a point." He sighed as he opened the door to the kitchen, but jumped back as he saw everyone staring at him and Pidge. There was a second or two of silence, then everyone rushed forward, glad that Pidge was finally out of the hanger. Lance sort of stood to the side. He looked at Coran, who was doing the same."You're sure that base is still there?" He hissed. Coran shrugged."Dunno, we haven't received another message yet." Meanwhile, Hunk and Allura were practically Pushing Pidge to the table, while Keith laughed his ass off at their pushiness.

Pidge: Clearly, she'd timed her break incredibly poorly. Lance had been more than enough company on his own. She was /really/ not in the mood to contend with all of them all at once, especially when they were so eager. In truth, it all struck her as a little overdramatic; she'd been working, it wasn't a big deal. But she let herself be herded around and pretended to listen as they spoke, not saying much herself.

Lance: What Pidge probably hadn't realized, was that she'd been working for three days straight. It was hard to tell in space when you didn't have a perfectly timed sun. Lance had just happened to be the first one to notice. Said boy sat down at the table."C'mon guys leave her alone, you guys have done just as worse things before." He said, gladly shoveling in the food goo. Hunk looked at him."Oh yeah, name one time!" Lance swallowed, then looked up."When you slept in the kitchen for a week to figure out a new recipe." Allura laughed at that. Lance looked to her next."When you tried to reverse the gravity of the pool after Pidge changed it for us. It took you 9 hours to quit." He looked to Keith."And this one once spent two days in the simulator at the garrison." He was about to turn to Coran. "Alright alright, save me the embarrassment." The ginger replied.

Pidge: Pidge at her food goo without really tasting it and let the conversation swirl around her without actually joining in. Part of her brain was still back in the hangar, trying to work through anything else she could possibly be doing. Once she'd finished eating, she took care of her dishes and left for the hangar again. Maybe she'd take her laptop and move her base of operations to the lab. As much as she appreciated Green's company, it might've been time for a change in scenery.

Lance: The others watched as the youngest member of their team left. Keith turned to Lance."Does that count as a break to her?" He blinked. Lance shrugged."I guess so. But we'll just have to take what we can get." He stood up, shoving his hands back in his pcokets.

Lance: pockets*

Pidge: Pidge did wind up moving to the lab after all. She settled in and got to work, but only made it a few more hours before she finally passed out. Despite her best attempts, she was still only human.

Lance: Lance walked down the halls, looking for his young friend. He suddenly heard snoring, and followed the sound. When he found her in the lab, he chuckled and shut down her equipment, knowing she'd kill someone if they let it overheat. After that, he picked her up and, since he didn't know where her room was, took her to his room. He put her down on his bed and draped the covers over her. She heavily reminded him of his own little sister back on earth. He laid down on the floor, figuring that if Pidge could sleep sitting up, draped over a desk, he could deal with the floor.

Pidge: ((gotta go, sorry!