#//OOF im sorry im like kinda late

[yourstingrey]

do you think you could write a luke x y/n friends to lovers based on too sweet by hozier? Maybe have it be a little angsty like someone tells him he’s not good enough and so he distances himself. I really love your writing and feel like you would write it beautifully.

Too Sweet Pt.1

Thank you so much for this request I loved this idea its so cutie im so sorry it took so long for me to make but hopefully Ive done it justice this one is a bit short but I kinda reallyyyyy wanted to put it into separate parts (which i swear wont take as long but it will be longer cus i gotta get that juicy angst in better!!!)

Hot.

That's all I felt as I was training, That's all I ever feel when I train with Luke. Not because he’s insanely hot himself but he has to put his all into everything even if I ask for practice with sparing. I'm crouched down a bit less like a fighter's stance as Luke has already got me winded but I try to hold up my tough gaze as he stands in front of me mirroring my stance except he's not tired at all it looks like he has even lifted a finger but this is our third go and unsurprisingly he's won every time so far. “Y/N/N are you sure you don't wanna give up? I'm not sure I can watch your face get all sad when you lose again.” He’s smirking as he talks and for a second he puts his hand on his chest to fain sadness about me. In that split second, I take the opportunity to try to tackle him to the ground. 

He lets out a surprised Oof before he hits the ground I try to grab his hands to pin them down “I'm not so sure Luke I think you be pulling your sore loser face” Of course I didn't learn from Luke as my talking got me too distracted as Luke flips us over and now he's pinning me down into the dirt. He simply smirks and does a little tilt of his head pretty much signaling id lost. He stood before holding out his hand for me to get up which I gladly took from him. “Luke, I asked for practice. I thought you were going to go a little easy… I'm gonna have to sleep early or I'm gonna be so sore.”  Discomfort on my face as I brush the dirt off my shorts and shirt “About that…” Luke says with a certain tone I've learned means ‘I'm gonna try really hard to convince you to do something you're really not gonna wanna do’ “Oh god what is it, Luke…?” A mischievous look spread across his face “Apollo kids are having a small lake party tonight and I was thinking I could take you” I let out a taut laugh before squinting my eyes playfully at him “Weren't you already out partying last night! Chris was telling me all about it!” I watched his face flush a bit as he stood there watching me talk before stammering his words “Wait- when did you see Chris today I wasn't with you??” I narrow my eyes at him a bit “This morning I went on a walk and I ran into him yknow you're not denying it soooo i'm right you did go out…?”

He gets up from leaning against a pillar to come put his arm around my shoulders and start walking out of the arena “Well yes.. But! I wasn't hanging out with my best friend so that's why I'm telling you that you gotta come out this time!” 

“Luke you're always out so much lately don't you think YOU especially should rest, oh so great swordsman!” I clasp my hands to my chest whilst looking up through my lashes at him. He lets out something between a laugh and a scoff “You know that I do this all the time you're the one who always stays cooped inside her cabin almost all day usually!” Our steps absentmindedly got slower as we approached my cabin “I don't know Luke… I promised I was going to hang out with my siblings tomorrow and if I party with you I might forget or sleep in'' He opened his mouth to rebuttal me but I quickly cut him off “And andddd! You know I don't like to drink. I'm too nervous about being caught!” 

We finally got to my cabin but I stood outside because I knew Luke wouldn't be satisfied unless I let him try to convince me one last time. “For one, You see your siblings every day you live with them. Plus I know some of your siblings are coming tonight anyway!” I go to open my mouth ready to shut him down already but before I had the chance Luke swiftly made sure to playfully cover my mouth with his hand before tsking at me and putting his finger to his lips shushing me “Ahem as I was saying YN, I'll be with you the whole time you can rely on me the whole time, just go this once for me and if you hate it I'll never force you to come again!” 

He lowered his hand from his mouth to reveal my lips in an exaggerated frown. He let out a loud laugh before huffing out what sounded like ‘Oh c'mon now’ but it fell on deaf ears as his fingers went to my sides to get me to let out a laugh (well more than just one) I laughed so hard at his relentless tickles hunching myself onto him before we heard the laughs of my sibling behind and Luke turned back into a stoic statue practically I let my laughter die awkwardly as he separated from me. Rocking back and forth on my heels I look back at him “Well okay I guess I'll think about it… but this isn't a yes okay!!” He let out a small chuckle before slowly starting to walk backwards “I’ll see you later tonight” he flipped around completely to start walking away I let out a small laugh turning away to walk to my cabin door before something dawned on me, I flip around and yell back out to him “Wait Luke how will I know where to go!!” He turns back to me putting his hands behind his head with a sort of arrogant smirk on his face 

“Don't worry about it, I am a messenger aren't I?” 

[oscconfessions]

Cabtube is a fucking toxic ship yall…. Cabby does NOT deserve her. Let’s be so fr rn. Like. Let’s be so fr.

Imagine,, like,, they actually do get in a stable relationship, then cabby dies forever, then testtube goes

“Hm, would it hurt if I made a robot of her too? Without consent, or even knowledge of something big like this? Maybe.”

And you CANT say she won’t. She didn’t stop for Bow, now she fucked up Bot and is.. eh.. ‘trying’ to fix it

WHERE IS THE CABTUBE LOVE COMING FROM?? like okay I get that you like lesbians, it’s completely fine, but it was never canonized that she WAS one, so don’t attack anyone that loves shipping her with men bro. That’s not fucking cool.

And Cabtube is just.. so fucking toxic. How can’t you see this???? Am I the one hallucinating here?? Am I the only one noticing the red flags????? And I’m speaking not as a cabby admirer or smth,,

im like, Cabbykin

It’s just like— every time I see her with Test Tube, All I see is ex-friends/frenemies that are just.. chillin yk? They got their arcs and thats kinda it. No need to push them further, since at this point the writers are hinting at Fantube,,

I get it, you love Cabtube, but honestly DONT attack ppl who ship cabby with men,, it’s literally fine. You literally can’t blame people for this.

Am I being delusional or smth?? Am I missing an interaction these two had lately??

EVEN TEST TUBE PICKED FUCKING SILVER SPOON OVER HER.. LIKE SHE STILL AVOIDS EVEN MENTIONING CABBY

SHE JUST SPOKE NICE ABOUT HER IN BLUEBERRY’S REJOIN TO COMFORT B O T, NOT CABBY.

IF BOT WASNT THERE SHE WOULDNT HAVE EVEN HESITATED.

Oof— I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so heated, my bad/gen

—🌀

.

[spacedlexi]

sorry if this is a personal question ... 🐛... but what are you doing for college and how did you decide to go for it?

oof

im going to school for animation but im realizing how much i love storyboarding specifically (and how little patience i have for full animating/not having the time i need to make animations that arent quick and stiff to meet a deadline (also i want adobe animate obliterated off the earth)). ive cried about how much i love boarding LMAO its that serious. but i love working with Little Guys and putting them in Situations plus theyre characters i dont have to make up myself?? im adapting a script?? but i might still be able to have fun with it? and as a lover of visual mediums i get really excited about being able to control a camera/composition for Maximum Emotional Effect, plus the idea of leading a viewer through a scene. knowing "rules" and breaking them with purpose. im in an editing class rn thats got me really excited aha

it was NOT an easy choice to make. im going back to school so late because i kept telling myself i shouldnt do it and should pick something non art related but well.... here i am.... (my mom kinda pushed the idea even tho the concept of going into art school debt keeps me up at night 💀)

i stumbled around community college for a few years hoping something else would Click for me but in the end i just kept taking art classes. i knew i would be miserable doing anything else. its still Work but its a kind of work i still derive enjoyment from even when im tired or frustrated. i think i would hate the academia world when it comes to my more scientific interests, and i dont have the patience to put up with the bs of being female presenting in a male dominated field like engineering (plus my math brain got broken by a bad calc teacher so...), so instead im taking those inspirations and using them for my art :) im a little engineer at heart so being able to apply that kind of thinking to my art inspires me (and i hope maybe something i make one day will inspire some scientists too lol). plus i dont think i would be happy if i wasnt surrounded by other artists

i doubt my choices every day 😭 but i really do love it a lot. im hoping that my passion and vision takes me SOMEWHERE in the industry, but its scary for everyone out there right now... i mostly try not to think about it honestly

[monstrouslyobsessed]

some of these are SUPER old, gomen, so it'll be all under the cut for yall sanity. i really need to start answering more timely rip

tw: mild implications of noncon (cerelos), psychological mindfucks (cerelos), mentions of pregnancy (dol)

Oh, I can wait for your content as long as it takes! Creating is not an easy task, so take your time, dear. Ofc, posting everyday is cool, blah-blah, but your health and mental state is much more important. Don't worry about this <3 And talking about DoL, did you get to Ivory Wraith already? Who is your faves generally? —anonymous

did i not answer this before??? tumblr, please. anyway, ye i did! plotwise, very very fascinating. gameplay wise, annoying as heck when i was in middle of things i was working towards to lol i do wish ivory wraith's plot wouldn't be centered around weird anal/ear/whatever pregnancy tho, thats…kinda not my thing kdshkds--and thats coming from someone who writes preg on the regular. pls dev.

Ahhhh don't feel bad! Ur content is top-tier and u r a lovely perfect bun! Even quick look on your post is enough to feel that you're always working hard to give your best – it's we who should be thankful for all food u r giving </3

A lot lot lot of love to ya, dear 🥰 @iwanthistongue

dawww thank you dear <3333 i just wish i have it in me to be the super productive like some of the epic writers on this platform, but i dont dsklhdsl so all i can do is to do my best and provide every so often <3 also sorry that i cant seem to ping you???

Omg you're into dol? Who's your favorite character so far? —anonymous

eden, tbh! i ran into a scenario where they kidnapped me angry after being gone for too long. oof, what happened after that…wheeoooow but most of the characters are pretty dang good too!! i'd like to focus more love on kylar but theyre quite...annoying gameplay wise so…augh lol

i crave more beastfolk content 🤤 maybe something with a male reader dealing with a few yandere beastfolk who are trying to one-up each other and compete for him? male!yandere x male!reader content is a bit hard to find, especially if it's transmale!reader —anonymous

just send in an ask and i'll see what i can do! i found writing male readers (be it cis or not!) a little tricky sometimes, because i always feared crossing that…bad line, yanno? in spite of the contents i write.

that said, i'm all for writing more gays, just need a little nudge and sparks to write one~

have you heard of scp 401? —anonymous

…huh, this is a pron in the making. but no! this is the first ive heard of it. im aware of scp and knew some of its characters but not this one!!

Happy bday! I hope you got yourself a nice treat! —anonymous Happy birthday, dear! 🥳—anonymous Happy (i guess)late birthday, luv!!! Thank you for writing at this special day, hope your day was amazing <3 —anonymous

ohhhh this is months late;;; im so sorry but thank you all so much for your kind bday wishes!! ily all a bunch!!!

OMG YESSSS LORE!!! MORE MORE MORE <333 Thank you for the food, I can't stop re-reading 😭😭😭 —anonymous

ye~i mainly wanted to do more centaur pron tbh LOL glad you liked my nasty bois!

For a few days I had a thought- I hope it's ok to share ahaha- Okay, so – after getting in his grasp his future bride were acting so, so good. Her dedication is admirable, she's a quick learner and charismatic enough to get the liking of the teachers and maids. Her gentle and caring nature shows while she's communicating with others – no surprise everyone likes her. She's the same she was the day he met her... But the thing is, after all of this, she's absolutely terrified of Cerelos. She's not crying and wailing, but she's getting so quiet, so uncomfortable in his company, she always hiding her eyes and never tries to speak first – and she trembles so, so bad every time they're touching! Last time she even fainted from all nerves. How he may act and how mad he would be that servants getting more smiles and laughs than him? —anonymous

hmmm depends on why the darling is frightened tbh are they always afraid or is this started after cerelos took them the first time? i do imagine he'd be pretty upset and even offended, though he won't outwardly show his feelings. he'd probably start ordering the servants to disappear whenever the darling is in sight, be invisible, to further isolate them, to force them either to face their loneliness and/or accept cerelos as their emperor and husband. since humans are in nature social, they'd naturally long for some form of company and possibly some skin to skin contact.

in short, since the coecrced sex doesn't seem to do enough, cerelos would've likely infict some psychological damages on his darling to force them to accept him. he wouldn't be…physically abusive, no, but he will emotionally and mentally cripple his darling without relying on cruel words and uses some amount of gaslighting.

regardless, you will only have him and you will love him. he is, after all, your emperor and husband. why wouldn't you embrace him and his power?

Hi! I hope this is okay to ask: I saw one of your slightly older asks, and you mentioned you have a draft with a slime monster. I'm very curious about that one (but I also love your writing in general!), so I just wanted to ask you if you plan on finishing it —anonymous

.....sdhdflsk i thought i posted it, gosh dang it. well, i'll look into this later. if nothing else, it would be nice to go back and post my shitty 5 minutes thoughts again.

Hello how are you ? Hope you are doing well ❣️ I wanted to ask if you will continue or write anything similar like the rabbit hybrid fic ..it's my fav and i also like the ghost husband fic ..sorry if i made u uncomfortable👉👈...Have a nice day💖 —anonymous

i'm doing better!! <3 ty for checking in, luvvv

and after some waffling around, i considered since human/beastfolk hybrids are so rare and are considered the 'monsters' of their world (ig basically, considered as 'mythical', like yeti's and such, but actually does exist, kind of monsters), i figured it couldn't hurt to make these sad hybrids canon to my universe soooooooo ye i wouldn't mind doing more of them!! also i've done a crocodile hybrid one, if you've missed that one.

no, no, you're good! <3 loves getting asks like this~

the momster is back!!! we missed you, hope you’re having a good day <333 (p.s i am a monster fucker through and through, i will literally read and love anything you write mwah) @letskidaddle

daww youre so sweet!!! <3 ty!! monster fuckers united!!!! and yes you have a lovely day as well!!

whewwww, thats some asks to get through hhhh but man tumblr is so ugly. anyone know the fix to get it back to its simple self??

anyway, im slowly getting into the swing of things. got couple wips i can work on, maybe, and clear the inboxs for a fresh start (sorry to anyone who were waiting on certain things!! you can send them again tho!! a clean slate is needed imo). anyway, hope yall are doing wonderfully <3

[frogtossing]

🍦 🦋 🥑 for the ask game ❤

oooo i was outside the whole day but now im finally back home and ready to answer this one :D

🍦 name three good things about a character you hate hmm okay so i had to think quite a bit about this because i really couldnt think of a character that i truly hate?? like in any of the shows/ media that have come to mind so far... so lets just take a character that im less interested in than other characters? lets just take Jason Grace from the PJO series because even if i wasnt that into his character, i still think about him regularily. so what i like: 1)WHAT THE FANDOM MADE OF HIM - ive read so many text posts that go into his fate and what it means for his character that i learned to really love him. but like, the version of him that i love is a far richer version than the one we find in canon? eergghh im being too vague, sorry :P

in the same vain though: 2) THE TRAGEDY BEHIND HIS FATE - not getting into specifics here but while i did think that the way his story played out was rather.. abrupt? i still kinda love it? he could have been so great.. but we will never get to see that. and i love it

and 3) HES REALLY AWKWARD - hes not as cool as someone as him should be and i lowkey love it

🦋 share something thats been on your mind lately oof, theres quite a lot.. my finals mostly. what im going to do after i graduate. where i could look for work. what kind of work i even want to do?? how picky am i allowed to get about where i work if my goal is to make enough money as quickly as possible so i can finally live on my own. and maybe also how to soften the fall when i finally realize that graduating will NOT magically fix all my issues. uhmm so tldr; lots of anxiety about my future ':P but we keep balling i guess 🥑you accidentally killed someone, which mutual do you text for help definitely 100% @pantrygeist. they know exactly what to do

[discoveredreality]

Hiii how are you? 💜 Bit random, but do you like watching football? I personally don't but like the Euros are happening rn and I'm watching it at my aunts😭 pls send help

im good :D

i dont really watch football, sorry 😭😭😭

oof that sucks :(

kinda replying late lol so did u survive ur aunts 😭

also how are u <3

[sukunasun]

I finished the "Say It's Here" sequel and gosh, I'm bowled over! I feel like your understanding of each character's psychology has been heightened since the original was published and It's so impressive! I particularly enjoyed how economical you were with the descriptions according to each character's personality, motivation and dynamic with the protagonist

Also, my god, not higuruma hiromi being the highest quality rebound ever???? Currently obsessed with him and it's kinda funny/sad how many parallels people draw between him and Nanami, understandably, but I LOVE that you flesh out their distinctions here too. Not quite a cameo but he feels more fully realised and real(?) in his short scene than in some entire pics revolving around him that I've read! I quiver to consider what you'd unleash upon the world with a full fledged fic for him (with a different reader character ofc)

But Srsly how does she keep hooking such hotties

Higuruma's "ruthless" rationale and observations is rather kind in its own way, and I thoroughly enjoyed how accurate it felt and also that the reader doesn't mistake it for anything affectionate or coddling. I find that clarity extremely appealing about him, plus it must feel so ridiculously refreshing to the reader character after all the guesswork and her ordeal with nanami

I also think that's one of the more satisfying distinctions you make with their portrayals; nanami (initially) employs logic as a coping mechanism, whereas it's hiromi's basis for functioning, a bit like a bug versus a feature?

At least in accordance with canon events, I think that mindset translates well, nanami's response to traumatic incidences in his formative years whereas hiromi had this rationality inform his life's work?

Especially when ambiguity is often the fulcrum for romantic tension (will they/won't they), my mind short-circuits and a little shiver goes down my spine at the thought of Hiromi instead bluntly telling someone: Us? Sure, Why not?

And then calmly proceeds to decimate every excuse one tries to tank their own dating prospects. You can't filibuster flirting with this man, he's so fucking direct (and vice versa 🤭, sometimes a gal just wants a classic Dom yknow. God, i need help)

A N Y

W A Y

Nanami feels more than he lets on in this story, Hiromi is exactly what you expect - which is such an interesting lesson or refraction for the reader character in managing her expectations and self-doubt

Nanami's grovelling feels mostly earned, maybe because it's been a while since I read Say It's Here his interiority is a tad more obscured, or cause the sequel more heavily focuses on reader's POV, which is really well assisted by suguru's commentary/probing/ribbing. Special shoutout to satoru's point blank shit stirring (he and hiromi would be fabulous frenemies)

Also love the open ending because ironically it feels better than emotional closure??? Or probably the finality of her rejecting nanmi again, oof. It's such a satisfying coda oddly i (almost) don't want this story to continue. What a magic trick!

There's such finesse in all the characterisations here, even without my massive bias for higuruma I'd be rereading this a dozen times!

;__; im so sorry this response is so late but thank you so much for sending this in. i'm so glad you got to read the piece!

i care more for the opinions of nanami stans for being able to write/understand him and his appeal in a way i can't. still, i try my best to offer something worthwhile. the open ending was more because i couldn't decide the best outcome for the reader and nanami. there were moments i thought about writing an epilogue to hint at the possibility of them getting back together but i've decided it's best to leave it up for interpretation. after all, nanami comes off to me as someone who wouldn't need a 'yes' right away.

also re: higuruma— gahh i was so uncertain if i did him justice, so thank you for noticing that distinction. often i'll write and delete and write again because i worry if it wasn't clear enough. to me, he's very different to nanami. not even the same sides of a coin. still, i get the comparison. both have been strung into the dilf narrative so often i forget that nanami is literally three years older than me.

[nymusings]

thank you so much for such a comprehensive ask! i feel like ik a lot more little details about the city now that i wouldn’t have known otherwise — tysm<33

but if it’s not a bother, i just wanted to ask — what do you mean by this bit? “There's a lot going on politically within the uni at the moment, with gender liberation (especially trans rights, which sucks for me as a trans person)” i… am also trans, but i’ve not transitioned or come out (my family is quite transphobic, and my city doesn’t have the resources for trans stuff as far as im aware), so i was hoping to come out and transition after i move out and go to uni. but from what you say here, it sounds like if i do end up being accepted here, it might be safer to stay in the closet? i’m so sorry to ask this — i know it’s not a fun thing to talk abt. i’m just a bit stressed— since i do know people who live in the city and are doing well, but none of them r trans unfortunately.

also— i’m sorry, i promise i’m not trying to just dredge up the negatives😭😭 but ahhvwnegdjd there’s a housing crisis / cost of living crisis / overcrowded classes and courses / timetabling issues / assessment feedback issues?? i know, sadly, that none of this is unique just to Edinburgh, but i didn’t actually realise the city and uni were having all of these problems specifically. i’m sorry if this is a stupid question, but instead of asking you a whole lot, i guess i’d just love to know— is it… bad? as in, in your experience, worse than other unis have it?/if you could go somewhere else would you, that kinda thing. The timetabling issues sound crazy (6hrs of classes?!!) but i feel like i could deal w/ that, but oof, assessment feedback stuff? what’s your experiences w/ that been like, if any? i’m just not from a place where they really prepare us for uni (well, they do, just — my country’s school system and unis work very differently to those in the uk), so i feel like w/out feedback i might end up falling behind lol.

also!! yep, i did mean eng lit, not english languag — thank you SO much for so much of detail on all of that! it cleared up so many questions i didn’t realise i had. like seriously, your ask was so sweet and comprehensive, of course definitely no pressure to answer whatever is going on in this one😭😭

hi again!!! so sorry for answering so late, im only on tumblr every now and then at the minute.

about the trans stuff, I was in the exact same situation as you. I had the same idea with transitioning once I moved to uni and honestly, there will be pros and cons with doing that no matter where you go. At UoE specifically, there has been a lot of controversy surrounding multiple attempted screenings of Adult Human Female with it recently being found that the uni actually paid for an external security company to make sure the event went forward. Recently a trans-exclusionary LGB activist managed to secure a major role within the university. The Trans and Nonbinary Officer did step down in protest of both of these events, and the position is still unfortunately vacant.

HOWEVER there are a lot of positives to being out as trans (even if its just to your friends) at the university, such as:

The Gender Liberation Society which meet every Monday in Appleton Tower

The Gender Empowerment Fund which allows you access to packers/binders/wigs/any trans apparel you might need (with a limit of £150)

You can change your name on the University of Edinburgh system on your own (via EUCLID) so that your real/preferred name is the one on class registers, instead of your birth/dead name

Lots of tutors will as everyone to specify their pronouns at the first meeting, so you'll never feel targeted

There's trans flags spray painted on walls all across old town LMAO

GET A GP AS SOON AS YOU MOVE HERE! The waiting list for the gender identity clinic REQUIRES a GP referral and the wait list is only <2 years long!

(in comparison, Glasgow's is >5 years!)

All in all, the issues with trans stuff has to do more with the admin of the university rather than the people who actually matter to you. You'll find the admin of the uni suck the most more than anyone else at everything. Most of the normal people at the university are very understanding and polite about you being trans (one of my friends actually forgot I was trans once, straight up just thought I was a guy which was very flattering lmao).

In my opinion, it is very worth it coming out. There are people who have your back.

About all of the other stuff, though the University are at fault for not doing enough to help, often everyone affected works together to make it as easy a life as possible. If you are struggling with timetabling, or how full your classes are, or if the amount of assessments you have are driving you up the wall, there is always someone you can contact. In order of who you should contact first:

Your Student Advisor: they can help point you in the right direction and provide notes that can be used at the end of the year to apply for Special Circumstances (if, say, mental health or financial issues, etc, got in the way of your studies)

The Listening Service at the Chaplaincy

The Advice Place

Student Counselling service

Wellbeing officer

and im sure there are more but I've not had to go past this step

About housing-- it is a country-wide issue, but very apparent in the bigger cities like Glasgow and Edinburgh. Even some of my family in London have shared the same sentiment ("If an agency offers you a flat, just take it. It doesn't matter if it doesn't suit our needs, we can't afford to be picky.") Students at UoE have protested the University's lack of involvement in ensuring that students will not go homeless ESPECIALLY since they are taking on a significantly higher amount of students (especially international). There is really nothing that can be done about this, BUT I have heard of undergrads making friends with 4th years and taking over their flat at the end of the year when the 4th years graduate. That's always an option. Again, there is also the Co-op, but it is very competitive.

If we are to compare UoE to other universities, by far and large it is still better academically than most. The reputation is phenomenal and people will wow you whenever you tell them where you study. Being from Glasgow, it was a competition between the two of those Uni's for me, and I do feel like I made the right choice coming to Edinburgh despite all of its flaws. Remember, the university isn't your entire life -- the city can be part of it, too. It really just depends what you're looking for from both the university and life outside of it. I don't think I would have gone anywhere else (unless I could afford Oxbridge lmao). I don't want it to sound like I hate the uni, sure, it is frustrating, but I just want to be as open and honest with you about it as possible so that you truly know what you are getting into.

If you want any actually decent feedback, schedule office hours with your tutor/lecturer and talk with them about it there. The written stuff tends not to help me at all, I need to be verbally told what went wrong and how to improve. The written feedback tends to be more harsh than helpful, and doesn't help me understand where I lost marks.

Scotland's university system is also different to the rest of the UK (yay devolved government), meaning you will do 4 years of a degree instead of 3, and a bunch of other stuff that isn't coming to mind rn lol. School's don't prep us for uni that much either, except for if you do Advanced Highers (which I did for Eng Lit). They are technically the equivalent to first year of university (which I agree with).

[air3d3lalm3na]

I went to the bar to see some local music and the local gay gender weirdos + their friends invited me over to their table.

they were obvs a little tumblrheaded but thats okay.

i went to a bonfire at the house of the one.

their intro was made by the one saying that he/theys friend “thinks im cute”. i hung out anyway, did not get scary vibes. at all. and lmfao im not interested in this friend at all. but. there were no overtures made the whole night. lets keep it that way.

(its so awkward and concerning when its another genderfucker bc if i say “sorry i dont swing that way” and the individual has bad boundaries, they can try to pull some kinda insane shit like “well actually i can be a man or a woman for you or whatever. so you actually DO swing that way because i am that gender too and you are misgendering me if you disagree ergo fuck me” where they pretend appearances and the physical arent real and sexuality isnt related to it and everyone is zero apprarance preferences having bi/pan. I was preparing myself for it to happen and to bounce if things got weird but it didnt.)

all that said. the other friend they have who hosted this tiny thing has a family with money and DID NOT BRING OUT ONE SNACK FOR ANYONE ALL NIGHT until the very last moment. one muffin. insanity. what kind of host/ess are you. wtfffffff lol basic manners i know you lnow better than that.

that same person was nice enough to get me an uber home despite it being apparently in the same general/next town lol. like i walk during the day while sober. no chance of that tonight and no buses this late. oof.

had a good time.

definitely hoping on making the move temporary so i can get back closer to lgbt ppl in/near the city asap.

but it did reassure me that i “can make friends wherever i go.” :) her words. something she ALWAYS told me i could and would be good at, despite my life’s setbacks. that “people are going to love you, so much, trust me.” feelings.

(she was so good at making friends wherever she went. even in the deepest parts of her ptsd. even in our car times. people loved her. but the world was and could be cruel, too. and she carried so much hurt from that. an understatement.)

i feel so much in so many things. every day is about her, as much as and more than before. loss and healing, healing and loss, all at once.

I should be able to come home to her and give her these updates. In detail and getting deep into all the personality details together…discussing and understanding the world together. Getting help and guidance. I can’t. instead, I post them here.

[sinbrook]

Who is the muscluar big guy from trigun that I keep seeing?

BLESS BLESS BLESS thank you for asking me about Trigun!!

So I think you probably mean Livio?

Livio and Razlo are my BOYS man, they're my guys. OUGH.

Usually I am Not A Fan of characters being added to the main cast super late in the game, but I think him being introduced a little earlier as a villain superrrr helped me accept him as Part of The Gang. Ya know? He's one of my favourite characters and I just adore him. That being said, it's really hard to talk about him without spoilers. Like, really hard. Actually Trigun is hard to talk about without spoilers! So I'm gonna shove this long ramble nobody is gonna read, under a read more. I'm a kind soul, I'm protecting your dash.

Also total warning, this isn't like... legible, this is the worse way to learn about the character cos im just going "wow it was cool when he did this thing... and also this thing... hes so cool i love him" for too many words.

So I'll address his main sort of... thing, first off. So Livio has dissociative identity disorder, and like, for a lot of it, it's quite clear that Nightow didn't exactly go in with a heap of research on the subject. However, I wouldn't call it a negative portrayal at all. Ofc its not really up to me, but like, he wasn't really portrayed as dangerous because of his disorder. He and Wolfwood have the same backstory, they're dangerous because of The Eye of Michael and those dudes have always been explicitly condemned in-narrative as, y'know, the baddies. It's less "he's bad because he's bad" and more "he does these things because he's been conditioned by a cult from a young age to do these things". His disorder is like... not even a factor. The Eye just likes stealing kids and training them for bad stuff, man. And like, you do feel sorry for them. Both Livio and Razlo have been hugely manipulated by Chapel in particular, who positioned himself almost as a father figure, and certainly led them to believe he cares about them. So like, it's not really surprising he does everything he's asked to, he hasn't really had anywhere else he's felt cared for. Anyway I LOVE Livio's intro in the manga. We're told two guys are coming, Livio the Double Fang, and The Tri-p of Death.

Then these two dudes show up:

And like... you make the obvious assumption that those are the guys, ya know? Sure looks double-fangy to me. They're then shown tearing through a bunch of intimidating looking dudes to sort of, hype up how strong they are, right? But nuh cos see.

Livio just comes in and wrecks their shit, picks them both off as though they were nothing.

and to be fair, they are! He's a very high-level eye of Michael dude ya know?

So yeah, that's our introduction to Livio, fantastic way to show that he's just, like, strong as hell. We learn he's joining the Gung-ho Guns, so y'know, oof, he's now in direct opposition to our heroes, supposed to make you nervous and all. Anyway he and Chapel show up every now and then to just be... y'know... annoying. Try and kill him a lil y'know... that sort of thing.

It's these fucked up family reunions that we love ya know. This is totally me at Christmas.

Anyway this time was rlly funny because Elendira rlly said "you three are so annoying pls leave your drama at the door"

And they DID hahaha. I don't blame them, she's scawy.

Anyway what I think I like most about Livio is how like... y'know, sweet he is. He's kinda like Wolfwood in that he's a total sweetheart at his core but life just hasn't let him be sweet, ya know?

When Jasmine was in trouble, baby Wolfwood didn't even hesitate to run out and save her.

And Livio was the same, you know? And after The Couch, Livio even says, he wants to live his life like Wolfwood so like, we've got these two dudes with near identical journeys.

From orphans, to initiates, to assassins, to good guy with a gun lmfao. Despite what Livio does, it's really hard to ever hate him, and Razlo, too is extremely sympathetic...

Like he's got his own motivations and shit he's working through, man.

Anyway I really love during the Elendira fight when hes like, struggling to beat her, how Razlo gives Livio his own sort of hype man experience like the manga flashes back to how hard Livio worked to keep up with Razlo and the Eye, and Razlo is like hyping him up the whole time. It's really nice and wholesome :)

Anyway his journey from emo cult man to himbo cowboy was fantastic and I love Livio so much, he's a sweetheart.

And I loved his appearance at the end of the manga, like, showing he was looking after the orphanage and stuff.

And also this whole scene where he and Vash ate together made me cry.

[neteyamsilly]

Okay so yeah as I said I'd be back later, and I am back ( yeah very late lolz) So how are you???? Hope everything is alr? Okie so god, Jake seems pissed, the fatherly rage and all. He gon fuck up the person that dare interrupted this moment. Like my man was finally having a heart felt moment and finally realized his mistakes ( at long last) and was trying to correct them, but no, it can't happen not so soon anyways. Like this guy, I kinda feel bad for us when this old father was finally admitting his mistakes, some douchebag had to ruin it. like I can imagine the us goin "Aye U mf, this bish was finally, finally apologizing and u had to ruin it didn't you? Leave my father man I'll fuck you up, dumb bitch couldn't handle bein humiliated by dad and mom once that you come back again for more?"

I WANT NEYETIRI'S REACTION FOR THE NAME JACK, AND I SAW SM1 IN YOUR ASKS SAYING THE NAME JACK THE CANNIBAL. AND I LOVED IT WHOEVER HAD THAT IDEA. I CAN IMAGINE NEYETIRI GOING- SHE'S TOO MUCH OF A COPY LIKE HER FATHER- Like bro but god I re-read it again all the parts and I cried, an emotional wreak, the lucid dreaming? oh it felt so true, like it was not a part of ur fiction but the actual movie. This is how good your writing is. Okie so as you said we are heading to the Metkayina Clan. I want a lil info if psbl. Is she gonna fall in love with one of the Metkayinan Boy or Girl? I've never, ever been obsessed with a piece of Fiction so damn bad as this one. I'm addicted to this man, what you write hits right in the damn feels. Love you <33 AND YEE PAY FOR MY AND OTHER'S THERAPY BILLS. IMMA SEND MINE NEXT.

FIRST OF ALL NO I CANNOT PAY FOR ANY THERAPY I CANT EVEN AFFORD MYSELF 💀💀💀

AND totally uncalled for TMI but i wanna complain a bit,,,, I started my period today and things suck it hurts. the radiator in my room also broke down and im cold its winter here. but like. im happy regardless bc i have you guys<3 constantly am reminded there's a small crowd out there on the internet who love me (maybe) and my writing so im cheered up instantly. yes im being cheesy im on my period EXCUSE ME

MOVING ON THOUGH i want to say that man was one of the recombinants in quaritch's squad that wasn't quite killed and only wounded. the rest of his squad got extraction but he didn't, so that's how he made his way to the tree of souls trying to navigate the forest. i didnt really gave context to how sister!reader's rescue went because she was very focused on herself and her claustrophobic panic at the moment but YEAH I thought it'd be cool to establish a bit of a butterfly effect HSHSJDS ur gonna see what jake does with him it's going to be interesting

(ALSO THANK YOU AQSA TO THINK ITS THAT DESCRIPTIVE AND CLEAR THAT YOU COULD LUCID DREAM AHHHHSDSDBSJKDBK)

OOF to be honest i only have bits and pieces for the metkayina plot. if i were to write about it i think i'd do just headcanons? i dont have a lot tbh,,,,, nothing is set in stone at the moment. for the romance i have ideas i entertain, sister!reader is a character who can have interesting dynamics with everyone due to her personality. i havent really planned anything at all so i just dont know. i really am planning to leave the ending ambiguous sorry AHAHAH

[idya-shroud]

(Heads up, this is 100% meant to be a gag letter! It will reference a bunch of stuff from Dramatical Murders series that died in like 2015-ish, as idia bears a striking resemblance to the lead. I COULD annoy this, but I ain’t no coward lol 😆just pretend you didn’t read this little note in parenthese )

Dear Aoba Seragaki,

I’m writing to you again for my weekly assignment from the ASGFGWSF(anime support group for guys with similar features) for the first time since you moved as a thing to help you settle in and to remind you to chance your address on all your mailing information!

Now that the business is out of the way, something feels different about you lately, but I can’t put my finger on it. Did you get glasses or something? Im happy that you finally ditched that awful coat, but that’s not it either! It’s really bugging me!

Anyways, from our prior exchanges I know I can ask you this without receiving judgement; how do you remove a robot from your butt!? I’ve already gone through 1 industrial size bucket of lube, but I can’t get a grip on it with the pliers! I figured you’d be the guy to ask, and I REALLY don’t want to go to the ER for this again. Last time was so awkward! You think they’d never seen a person in a committed relationship with their lawnmower before!!

I also think I might have your dog?? He’s constantly judging me and scolding me for my poor life choices in a deep voice, he also made the metal detector go off at the YMCA and I had to spend the night in holding at the county jail. He won’t leave no matter what I do and I’m running out of ideas. Please, he stares into me with those blank eyes and judges me! I can’t take it any more!! I make FAR too many morally questionable decisions on a regular basis to be expected to keep watching your dog for you man! PLEASE pick him up soon!!

With much anticipation,

Mitsuki(the guy from that crappy Naruto spinoff that ALSO has gold eyes and blue hair😆)

Yikes, just...yikes.

R.I.P. to that lawnmower, it's probs going to be lost in there forever.

I don't remember ever having a dog, let alone one that could speak, not since I was omega young anyways.

I remember building one and it ended up terrorizing our entire living room, chewed and ruined a lot of cables before it eventually exploded. Oof my parents were not happy with me that day, it also didn't help that I used janky, sketchy at best, programming to make it act exactly like a dog. Y'know, since we never really owned any irl pets, I wasn't really sure how it would behave. Lessons were learned that day LOL.

Anyways, good luck with your, er, mission ig and sorry about your loss. You might've sent this to the wrong guy I think. Kinda wish I never read most of this but uh, yeah...

[may-tine]

Someone who has never watched TMNT Rise reacts to the movie

@gauntletknight​ this is for you

so the last tmnt anything i watched was the 1990 live action film and the 2003 cartoon, when i was like 7? so we are off to a great start, but lets get into it

hey what, why are we in hell

okay wow Casey is here already i remember him

hey MIKEY??? WHAT im sorry does leo have a metal arm?

are we opening with time travel WHAT

WHY IS CASEY JONES FROM THE FUTURE.WASNT HE JUST SOME PUNK FROM NEW YORK?

I just watched a man die.

things keep happening and i cant put my thoughts down- oh i JUST WATCHED ANOTHER MAN DIE

alright pausing for half a sec to get thoughts down, this is a wild opening, tho i guess for a movie you need some higher stakes then a normal show. Im pretty sure the normal show is more classic turtle hijinks. aight back to it

actaully whats the krang? was that in the original? Are we going to see shredder?

oop yep classic teenage turtle hijinks

now i dont remember much but i remember Donnie and Leo being kinda hard to distinguish personality wise. Im glad they put some further characterization on them both

Mikey is somehow more childish?  but like in a babyish way

oh yeah Raph is the leader this time around.

okay so the magic thing is already established in the show, and Shredder has been dealt with?

oh buddy

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE RANDOS?

I think Donnie was always tech but was he always THIS tech? Damn son

music is super funky

Eyy foot clan! wait these are shredders guys arnt they?

Raph is still mostly angry but hes like, softer. and WHY IS LEO BEING SUCH AN ASS! is he always like this?

Rat dad! We Love splinter

this version of casey is so weird compared to what im used too, i dont hate him tho

yoo wait thats April? APRIL STEALS?

Yo  have they been training her as a ninja as well? good for her- APRIL DONT STEAL RANDOM CHEMICALS

Oh this is begging to go wron- yep

this entire interrogation scene is amazing

Okay i do adore this casey

shit is it really like, too late, too late?

god this krang thing is heking creepy why are they blocks

OH THE MAGICS OFF, right after i noticed April had magic too

oof Splinters out cold

Do they have a pod for casey? ok yeah- oh leo no

wha

hey waat the fucK? RAPH?

oh god the you survived banner is about to NOT be funny

nooo hes turning on casey

oh god the powers are still gone

Raph isnt captured... is he?

COMMANDER?

oh he is captured, kinda surprised there

ah hostage situation got it- HEY WHAT THEY FUCKKKKK

AHHHHH?????? bye foot clan

same mikey

AHHHHH HIVE MIND

oh caseys about to ruin the mood

or hype them up

oh no reveals are being delayed

GOD  this is horrifying isnt this a kids show?

HEY LEO I THINK THEY SAW YOU COMING!

APRIL HAS A MOTORCYCLE YESSSS (did she have that orginally? maybe?)

Im worried how single minded Leo is getting about this, but at the same time, i get it.

THEY POSSESSED A TRAIN???

SOFT SHELL? oh your kidding

Oh god dont possess the tank

APRIL NO- oh, april yess

Ive never been so scared of a train in my life

WHY IS THIS A STRAIGHT UP HORROR????

WHY DID SHE STEAL SO MANY????

Casey with the call out!- oh not like that kiddo no

yep like cops will do anything- WHY ARE THEY GOOP LIKE THAT, Its too fleshy my guy.

Casey what was that smirk?  Did you do this on purpose?

Mickey with the mystic hands stuff worries me cuase is LITERALLY KILLED HIM

oh the triangulation scene ive seen this

oh no

oh raph is not going to be raph once hes out of there is he

AH I HATE BEING RIGHT

WAIT I THINK I SAW FANART OF THIS EARLIER TODAY I THOUGHT IT WAS SOME AU

WE ARE HITTING FINAL HOUR SHIT AND ITS ONLY HALF WAY THROUGH THE MOVIE????

god krang raph is so spooky

HEEY FAM? HEY TMNT FANS??? ARE YOU GUYS GOOD??? i was not expecting such levels of cosmic horror 

wait why does a turtle have eyebrows?

god the krang possessed tech is the worst, horrific,OH GOD WHAT IF THE TURTLE TANK.

shout out to Donnie having a step counter, same buddy.

i do enjoy the art style

oh why he sound like that

god the animation on krang raph is upsetting

I do adore this mikey as well, i was thinking i wouldnt liked this take on ‘immature’ but hes growing on me

OH NOOO DOnnie no dont do it oh god the goop

guys WTF

GUYS WTF

I DONT LIKE DONNIE IN THERE

AHH THAT EYE

WTFWTFWTFWTF

Hello?? am i about to cry over turtles??

MYSTIC POWERS!!!!!! What about the power cancel?

oh yeah B team. Love that Aprils first idea is dropping a building on somthing

AHHH THATSD A BEAM THROUGH AN EYE AAA, like its an alien but ye

YOOOO MIKEYYYY JUST THROWS A BUILDING

Oh this is so sick

yeee the anti power stuff or not? they still work?

Leo damn it dont do the self sacrificial shit YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT SCREWED YOU UP WHEN RAPH DID IT

hot moment to appreciate the Krang mechs, great monster designs

HAHA PORTAL FUCKERY

Casey my boy ; _ ;

oh god it ended on a portal chop

whats he holdin- NOOOOOOO DONT DO THAT TO ME

ONE OF THEM IS STILL ALIVE AHHH

MIKEY NO DONT HURT YOURSELF

HES CRACKING- THEY ALL ARE AHH

WAIT THIS IS GONNA LET KRANG BACK IN

QUICK SAVE YEAAAAA

ive only been to new york once whats wrong with Staten island

Casey gets pizza!!!

WHo the hek is Cassandra- UH OH

oh this ending song is a banger

WELL That was a lot of fun and SUPER DARK WHAT. At least I get the hype now. I dont know if ill start the actual series but I will be rooting for a s3 for all the fans

[itsdelicate]

sorry this is late but hiiii!!

YES exactly omg like when i wanted to get into f+tm it took me forever to choose smth to listen to first so i just asked a friend what to listen to. yea ur absolutely right. she did she did and then acted like it isnt one of the most addictive songs on her discography??? when i first heard the bridge i thought she said he looks so pretty like a devil and that did me in but the actual lyric is everything too lmao YES hey taylor just make the longest album all a bunch of 10 mins song thanks babe lol

omg thatd be so fun!! they came to my country and we totally missed it and my mom was so sad ab it like she was all "why didnt you tell me they were coming" lmaodsjk and i wouldve loved to go as well. aww its ur "i thought they were boo-ing me" sorta moment (thats the first thing that came to me lmao). YES which is why im trying to get into other artists cause soon im going to have listened the hell out of all the discographies of my fav artists djskmdlm

HAHAH yea good thing taylor is a master of putting depressing lyrics together w dancey beats akmddsnm i love slow sad songs cause of my mom i think cause she played those slow whitney houston and celine dion songs on repeat when i was younger lol

yea dont fall for the peer pressure to watch them its a lot and not so amazing anyways lol. i mean yea but some of the plot is bit iffy for me like the cultural roots of the whole avatar people and that dash of white saviour stuff in the first movie so its like eh.

OHH okok glad u had fun!! well i went to my grandmas in the weekend and went out w my cousins yesterday which was loads of fun!! def wanna do that again soon. wbu? did anything kinda fun or even pretty lame or really just anything lol

omg im actually a bit in the middle for me! lol like i do like it but its not smth i listen to as much as most of her other songs. it is!! im def never doing a whole ranking lmaokdwk OOH yesyes i love lwymmd since the mv like i thought it was the most iconic thing ever when i watched it and i wasnt even a fan at the time. ooh def closure!! i could not listen to it at first then after a long while i went back to it and tried to listen to it like the first time and LOVED IT!!! now shes everything to me and i will defend her w my life <3

how's ur day been? any little things in it that made u happy?

xxx ur secret santa

ahhh my reply’s late too that’s alright!! i’ve been working on assignments, very upsetting that it’s back to reality now 🥲

oooh that’s a great way to get into music! honestly only one of my friend’s is a big music lover so i never get recs from anyone except her ahsjd omg same i thought that was the lyric as well! no literally like give me a 10 min version of the great war,,,,

oh nooo it would’ve been so fun!! are you a big concert person? shdkf it was Exactly like that i thought they were laughing cause i was bad at singing or something 💀 i always end up switching from whichever album i’ve been playing non-stop! i just saw & juliet the musical last week so for now it’s the soundtrack instead of midnights hehe

sad bops are so good 😌 oooh very fair! what was your very first album you got on your own?

noted 😭 oh oof tbh idk what the avatar movies are about at all except that they’re blue msjfkf

aw that’s lovely!! i saw the life of pi play and & juliet last week and then also went to the zoo which was for my assignment (i study animal welfare) but also a nice day out 🥰

i want to like it more it’s such a fun song but idk why i just shdjf lover is my lowest ranked album although some of its individual songs are my fav! it’ll take the whole of 2023 to do an entire ranking tbh 😭 i think taylor can make a whole album faster than i’d be able to rank all her songs lmao omg yess and the mv whew, ooh yeah!! a lot of people didn’t like the “clanging pots and pans” LOL but it’s great!!

my day’s been good! i tried out a new recipe today and it was really successful so i’m pleased 😌 wbu!!

[jjungkooksthighs]

Yup, I wasn't asking alpha. I wanna see you even try and 'collar' me. The "thin ice" warning doesn't faze me one bit. Go on, alpha. I fucking dare you.

___________

To author, Omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg. I'm fucking terrified right now my hands were kinda shaking while typing but I wanna see how far I can go with this. Im crying again. Not even kidding. Tears (ps : let's keep this a secret btw you and me because otherwise, I'm dead. Already dead with the last response but im pretty sure this will confirm my funeral date so)

Also, I apologise if these character responses are tiring for you. I know it is stressful at times to get into the mindset of an og character while writing, so please let me know if it's uncomfortable for you. I understand. Loads of love 🥰

Do you have any idea what you’re doing, omega? You’re playing with fire. And you’re going to get burned, little one.

You dare me? How amusing.

You play a dangerous game, omega, but the moment I have you… the moment I’ve caught you…. You’re going to be nothing more but a whimpering, whining mess.

You can run, but you can’t hide from me. I will find you. And I will make sure you’re taught a lesson you won’t ever forget.

You think you can disrespect me this way and talk with such disloyalty, but I promise you this: you will not make that mistake again once I’m done with you. Clearly I’ve been far too gentle, far too complacent with you lately that you think you can aggress me this way and get away with it.

I assure you that you will not.

I’ll catch you no matter where you run. Do not forget that I can fucking smell you wherever you are. Your body desires me even if your words try to deny me. And I will follow that wanton scent of yours for as long as it takes until I have you underneath me and begging for me.

Once I find you, I’m going to push you down onto the ground. You’ll be mounted like the little bitch you’ve been acting like and I’m going to ravage you from behind. Over and over again.

I won’t stop until my name is the only thing that leaves your mouth.

And when you think you can’t take it anymore, I’ll put that collar around you and make you take it. I’ll pull it so you have no choice but to bow your back and arch against me while I bite your neck and give you a mark that you’ll feel for days afterward.

Once you’re shaking and squirming to the point that you can’t hold yourself up anymore, I’ll turn you onto your back and fuck you like the whore we both know that you are for me.

The only sounds that will fill the air will be those of my balls slapping against your tight little pussy and your moans.

And once every single one of your holes is dripping with my cum and you’re nothing but a heap of heaving limbs, I’ll make sure to lick every single one until you’re crying with the sensitivity you’ll no doubt be shuddering from.

You’ll beg and beg for me to slow down, to stop, but I won’t.

Not until you fucking show me how sorry you are for misbehaving like this, you damn brat.

—————————————————————————-

Author note:

Oof… I looks like you’ve pissed him off. He’s mad. You’re crying now, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg for you, dear. Keep pushing him and he’ll snap. He’s nearly there.

Anyway, these character responses are actually really fun and I really enjoy doing them! Don’t feel like they tire me or that I don’t like them, because I promise neither of those things is true! On the contrary, I find this entertaining ;)

[ryansjane]

youtube anon here!! omg thank you!! sorry im so late with this i was busy bc deepavali + wanted to make sure id thought of everything to ask ahsjdjdkf and ofc if you decide not to reply to this i understand as well, so really no pressure at all, okay? 😊 what software do you use to edit your videos? what made you decide to start making videos? do your videos get taken down bc of copyright? how do you deal if/when that happens? what are some of your favourite kinds of videos to make, and why? how long do you usually spend on a video (idea conception, filming, editing etc)? and since i know you from this blog, even before you started making videos: do you have any advice about putting out content in fandom? bc you make gifs + write + make videos and like. idk im just wondering if you ever feel shy about posting? (not that you should bc for real everything you put out is great- including all the off pictures you keep posting… thank you for that btw i dont have social media so thats the only way i get to see his beautiful face) i guess it sounds stupid but IM really really shy and the thought of putting anything out there for anyone at all to see makes me want to hide forever sdjfhskjg but like. i kinda want to make video edits too. mostly for myself as like a visual journal thing? like its a personal project. but i thought okay since im putting in so much effort why not share it with other people too? and id love if people discovered new music + shows bc of me yknow? but yeah anyway like. how do you deal with it if you ever feel that way? thats all i can think of for now, wow this got LONG. i hope its not too much rip. and again thank you for letting me ask you these questions ❤️

hi, OOF you really had QUESTIONS lmaooooo

I use the free software shortcut to edit my videos. I hate it & it's very slow which makes my already least favorite part of the video making, editing, even worse (:

I decided to start making videos bc 1) I saw a gap in the youtube market where people who talked about bl either did reactions or short analyses without showing their faces. 2) there were many topics that were easier to tackle in a longer video than a blog post. 3) if I were to be able to make a living off of youtube (which will not happen but wish I had known that then lol) it would solve most of my problems & allow me to combine pretty much all of my interests at once.

my videos ABSOLUTELY get taken down bc of copyright, if you look through my community page I've talked about that many times.

when that happens, I always appeal but most of the time it doesn't work, which means I spent 30+ hours MINIMUM on something that will never see the light of day (: it's in big part why I'm switching to thailand focused content instead of thai series content tbh, it was very heavy on my mental health for a hobby that takes so many hours out of me every week. not worth it.

my favorite kinds of videos to film are definitely my ranking ones or reaction ones bc they demand very little preparation & scripting and are just about me rambling for 2 hours, but my ranking ones take FOREVER to edit so on that part any non scripted video is the worst haha

the time spent on a video really depends, but usually the writing of a video takes me between 3 to 6 hours, the filming takes me 2 hours & the editing takes me a good 20 hours (funny bc I hate editing so much lmaooooo.) but some videos have only taken me 10 hours (short reactions), while others have taken me well above 50 (longer commentary ones.)

about putting out content in fandom, you're right in saying that I've basically done every kind of content LMAO. honestly the faceless one like giffing, writing fics, making fanvids, etc. is easy? like it needs to come from a drive of wanting to do it but bc your personal image isn't really attached to it, I feel like the trial & error is easier? if you wanna stop tomorrow no one will really care? but when I started making videos that demand significantly more time & that have my face clearly attached to it, that's when the doubts started creeping in. I never feel shy bc I just haven't been shy in a while, but I do feel ashamed to talk to irl people about my videos bc they aren't successful & I've invested over 2 years of my life in them so it's just kinda pathetic LMAO. but about you being shy, you can focus on the fact that it's the internet? like if you really don't want anyone to know it's your fanvids, create a new username & post them under it, bc then literally NO ONE will know it's you. to be honest it's taken me years but I've gotten rid of the notion of "cringe" and "embarrassment" out of my vocabulary. just do what makes you happy bc people will hate on you no matter what. I just know I personally want to live my life authentically & not filter it just so MAYBE I'm not as hated. so yeah, I hope you DO get to create the fanvids you want & good luck with that! thanks for the support as well, it means a lot <3

xxx