#//this happened about a year and a half ish ago.. but I've just been posting her old videos in the queue and this is obviously a big part of

[mollymaehague]

LETS TALK...

[captainharlock]

update on my whole life and everything since smt big just happened and i feel like the people i know thru here + comm clients would like to know whats going on with me haha

okay sooooo a lot of you probs already know that i've been trying to immigrate to the US to live with my girlfriend permanently, and applying for it and waiting for it all to process has been a years long process (we started in early 2022, processing for these things takes so long sigh)

but back in march-ish? this year i finally got word that my stuff went through and i had to do a bunch of jumping jacks and send in a bunch of documents to make them give me instructions on how to get an interview date. which they only gave me like, a month and a half ago? and i've been doing the instructions diligently (most of it has been medical stuff)

so after a few more weeks of being so scared and anxious and feeling like the world is about to end unless i do everything so quickly, i FINALLY got my appointment with the US consulate in montreal!

it's in.... october. their nearest date was october. which sounds disappointing because like, yknow, i'd like to go live with my girlfriend and start my life for real soon, but i am trying to be optimistic about because hey that means i can breathe for a sec. (i'm even planning on getting all my teeth fixed in the time before my appointment! my problems with my teeth physically and mentally are an entire other post though.)

i feel..... good! i feel good. most of the mind demons plaguing me now are just the woes of being in a transitional phase. i don't know why, but i just hate it. i cannot stand it. so go easy on me haha. more time for commissions now so stay tuneddd <3 love y'all thanks for reading

[irisbleufic]

i’m so new to your dm fic and i can’t fathom the sheer volume of work you’ve put out! it’s amazing and i’ve so many questions for you!!! how was the writing process for caldera? did you have everything written before posting? was it ever daunting just how much you figured you could write for these two??? i see you’re a novelist so this may be light work for you, but as someone whose never written over 40k at once, would you have any advice for writers who want to write something as long as your series one day? thank you so much for sharing your fic! it’s wonderful :’3

Hi there, anon! Thanks for giving me a fantastic ask to focus on between fits of grading and writing on this rainy, rainy afternoon. I'd be glad to answer your questions here; I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying the stories across my Devil's Minion series. It's been an absolute thrill to write so far, and it continues to be.

The writing process for Caldera is ongoing. I didn't have everything written before posting; I never write that far ahead even if I have a mental outline or a running file where I dump broader series plot-related notes. Over the years, I've developed an incredibly compulsive average daily writing quota. The rule is that I can spend that time on whatever kind of writing I'd like, and when I'm between projects for publication? That is always, always fanfiction. So, I manage to clock about 2k words on low-output days and 4k-ish on high output days. In a fanfiction context, 2k-4k is, for me, the average length of a fic chapter. Between that and my baseline unusual hyperfocus for writing in particular, that's how I'm able to manage those daily updates (and, if not daily, certainly every other day or every couple; at the moment, the main reason for those rare gaps has been shaky health).

It used to be daunting to me, when I was a younger writer, when I started to realize how ambitious my plot arcs for fandom writing series were turning out to be. The first fandom series project that reached around 200,000 words was my last year as an undergrad, and that was almost 20 years ago. I'm right around 40 now, so to say that I've spent literally half my life working out what I can do and what I can't do is no understatement. Spend enough years persistently writing, fuck-ups and all, and you will eventually get to the point where you can say, all right, this pairing, this fandom, this is going to be a long-haul for me. I have a lot I'd like to do with it, so let's buckle in and see what happens. I realize that not all writers get to this point; it's different for everyone. But many writers who write daily for years on end will usually find that whatever once daunted them, whatever that happens to be, no longer daunts them. And that's when you can really, really start to have fun. It's still work, but it doesn't feel like work anymore, if that makes sense.

My advice to you would be: take a look at where you are right now. How many years have you been writing? If not years, then how many months? What are your writing patterns? Do you manage to write daily, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly? If so, start charting these finer details. Get a handle on how often you tend to write, or how often you can find the time to do so. How much do you manage to write in a session? How many sessions does it take you to reach a completed project of 40k? If you can start to understand what your patterns are (look, I'm deeply Autistic about this whole process, but I suspect you'd gathered that by now), then you can start to assess what you have the potential to accomplish. You can start setting concrete goals for what you'd like to accomplish. If you're not sure how to break an ambitious series arc for which you don't yet have all the details down into beats, maybe just start with the first quarter of it. Gauge how many stories you'll need to get that far. Then, once you've reached that point, do a continuity re-read and reassess. My method is a combination of organization and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, although I admit that I can get by on pantsing alone if I really want to. You start thinking on your feet; you start writing reactively to your own content. And experience will make this easier.

I hope that some of this resonates with you, and if it doesn't resonate, at bare minimum I hope it makes sense. I wasn't the kind of kid anybody ever expected to become a writer. Nobody thought it would be possible. A lot of things weren't supposed to be possible for me. But I stubbornly latched onto something I learned that I loved; stubbornness and love can get you farther than you'd think. Be stubborn, and just...love them. Love the characters and the worlds you find in your hands. That's why most of us end up in fandom in the first place. So many kinds of love in the world fail us, but loving the imaginary lets us create even when other forms of love do not. Sappy as it sounds, that's a literal miracle.

[precuredaily]

Precure Daily's Sixth Anniversary

On April 10, 2018, I posted the first review in the project that became Precure Daily. It wasn't actually on tumblr at that time, but on Facebook. The plan was to watch an episode every day and just post some thoughts, but it evolved into reviews and screenshots and that necessitated a whole blog, and here we are. That was six years ago today!

Six years. It's hard to believe. I honestly, truly didn't think I'd still be doing this. Whether I petered out before the end, or managed to get it all done in the 2-3 years I anticipated, I figured I'd have stopped by now. But somehow I haven't given up yet! I'm still watching, still writing, and still getting new fans to share with, and that makes it all worth it.

The past year was slow, I will readily acknowledge it. I only got about 7 reviews out in that time, including the one that just went up earlier today, but one of those was the Go Go movie. That was a whole undertaking, it took me nine months to get out. Granted, for about 6 of those 9 months it was just sitting there unchanged. I'd open it occasionally to poke at it but then not end up getting much done. Maybe it still wasn't the best it could have been but I'm proud of it nonetheless. It was a good review for a good movie. Also, I got to review the very first All Stars, even if it was a short film. Having recently wached the most recent All Stars brings that experience full circle and it's real nice.

One small hiccup is that, at the time of writing, I haven't yet gotten out the traditional Honoka birthday post. I just haven't had time to sit down and gather artwork for it. Hopefully that'll come out in the next day or two!

Outside of the blog, let's look at the wider world of the Precure series over the last year

I said last year that I hadn't finished Delicious Party, and that's still true. When it was on air, I was watching it with a friend and she was really into it; we are going to resume watching together to finally push through it.

HIrogaru Sky's second half was good, it lacked a little bit of the driving power of the first half and the villain plot never properly came together in my opionion. I still love the characters, I think they're my favorite cast in a good while.

I did not watch Otona Precure. Although I've watched Go Go before, I want to finish this current watchthrough for the blog before I jump into it. Maybe I'll even review it as I go, that remains to be seen. I've heard mixed things about it and I'm not very big on the idea that the girls just go back to teenagers when they transform, but I'll reserve judgment.

Wonderful Precure did not appeal to me when information started coming out, and I fell off it for a few weeks when the first couple eps didn't impress me, but I decided to keep going and it's thoroughly enjoyable. I don't think it's going to crack my top 10 but it should be a solid middle of the road series.

I watched the Delicious Party Precure movie and Precure All Stars F with friends in fairly close proximity, and wow do those movies exist on opposite ends of the spectrum. DeliPa's film was one of the weakest Precure movies I've seen, while All Star F was phenomenal. I need to rewatch it.

I did say last year that the blog would look different when I finish Go Go. That is still true. I should be able to wrap that up in a few months, then comes the next phase of things. Deets when it happens.

And also just because I can, here's some recommendations for shows outside of Precure you should watch that came out in the last year-ish:

Oshi no Ko

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End (featuring Wonderful Precure's Tanezaki Atsumi as a monotone elf)

SPY x FAMILY (featuring Wonderful Precure's Tanezaki Atsumi as a psychic toddler)

Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger

The Last of Us

And I think that's it for this year's update! Here's to another year of watching and writing about Precure! Thanks as always to my loyal friends and fans for making this project a success: @sailorzombiestar, @vertixscribe, PaintedOutlaw, @hanasaki-tsubomi, yugimon135 (can't tag you for some reason), and my newest fan @nono-bunny.

Here's all my previous sappy anniversary posts if you want to go back and read them.

First Anniversary

Second Aniversary

Third Anniversary

Fourth Anniversary

Fifth Anniversary

[sunnebeam]

hello!!!!!! [screams into the void]

re: beautiful comments under my stories

over the course of 7 ish months (has it really been half a year? no fucking way) since i last properly wrote and posted in real time, i received a lot of heartwarming feedback and comments on my stories. thank you so much i'm so grateful for the support <3 i hope to respond when i finally find the time so don't be too surprised when u receive a notif from me about a comment u probably made several months ago lmao

re: life update

i'm so sorry for the inactivity but after days and weeks that turned into months of searching i finally started a new job yall! god i could cry but anyw i've just been settling in and reestablishing a routine & now i think i've found one that works for me and my schedule

which leads me to re: blog updates/goals

i've been neglecting this blog and my stories and i hate it, but now that things are looking up for me irl im hoping to get back into the groove of things here on tumblr

which is why i want to get back into business! i have a bunch of new stories that i'm really excited about but ofc i want to update my older stories as well, so here's a rough outline of my to do list:

older stories:

this is how the world works - darkest little paradise cont.

perks of being a househusband - drabbles

twin flame bruise pt. 04

new stories:

song of the stars - myg

"slut!" - ksj

our forever spring - jjk

my inspiration fluctuates a lot so content (both new and new-ish) will be sporadic and as always, there's no fixed schedule to my updates. my interest fluctuates a lot too so i might focus more on newer plot ideas and take a long time to update my older stories, or vice versa

long tangent to say that; i'm back, i've been meaning to write again, and i want to post more. i have new stories that i want to write but i plan to update older stories as well. when, exactly? whenever my schedule, my inspiration, and my mood dictates :D

now that that's out of the way, how are u guys? what did i miss? anything interesting happen in the past months? how's life going for you? :')

[galaxietm]

popping on to give some updates!

- updated blog icon to match @peachiiihearts (ily dew) - updated pinned list for june bdays (with the exception of my own, but there's several muses whose bdays i'm excited for, so hopefully i can hop on to do stuff for them) - considering updating blog header?? not sure - trimming down muse list in the background, will probably post what muses i'm dropping soon(ish??) - working on getting muse pages finished so i can share carr.d link, may just share carr.d link without the pages being done. - a few more oc pages are done, others have been started

other general updates below the cut, somewhat unrelated to rp stuff but adjacently related to blog status i guess? feel free to keep scrolling if you'd like! no pressure ♡♡

tl;dr / me attempting to condense it all here. i haven't been around as much due to mental health (probably the second biggest reason) as well as stressing about money-related things; i don't want to bring that energy and such onto here so i've been avoiding it, more or less. i've been working a lot the last two weeks, in part so i can catch up with rent and try to get ahead of that and bills, and i think i'll start to have free time in about a week / week and a half (as my birthday this month comes up, funny enough lol) since i've been all over the place due to work, that's why some of my activity is all over the place. my shifts at work vary from overnights (think 10pm to 6am) to early mornings (around 2am - 7am, 4am - 9am, etc) and sometimes somewhat close to each other- so i really mostly have time to come home, eat, wind down and relax. so if i hop online, it's moments like now (where it's like, 2:30am-ish) for a little bit before one of my early shifts.

have also been dealing with random aches, pains and headaches as well (woke up with a really bad migraine a week ago when i was gonna try to be online / try to write, so that didn't happen) so i've been attempting to self-care while i can, and i'm trying to get up the courage to reach out to a few therapists for consultations so i can finally like. i dunno- try to get that part taken care of since my last therapist didn't work out and it's been a while. i'm also trying to fit in getting new glasses, since i've had my current pair for, uh- way longer than i should have.

but anyway. aside from the stress and still slow recovering from the legal stuff with evicting ex-roomies early this year (as well as avoiding the attempts of updates people have tried to give me about them, because there's people who have been attempting to tell me about them lol) i've been slowly doing better. trying to do what i can to fix up my place and trying to get things in shape on my end. i've been far happier without them here, i can actually relax and like. start to get to know myself and be myself again. it's been?? a little bit bittersweet, honestly. complicated feelings for different reasons, i guess. i had to hide parts of myself because of the first set of roomies, and i didn't get to bring those parts back for a while.

i've been finally watching through some anime on my backlog and i've been resisting the urge to joke about possibly writing dungeon meshi characters or others- but there's a few characters i've picked up (one i'm finally indulging myself on trying to write lol) and a few that that i'm waiting until i finish trimming the muse list until i decide to pick them up- for my own sanity, really. i'm trying to be less attached to them and more 'do i get to write for you aside from saying i'd like to? then bye' about some of them.

but anyway. i hope all of you have been doing well. think of this as a bit of a vent post? i haven't done one of those in a while, haha. it's been an interesting year, but hopefully soon i'll get to be active here again- i really miss writing, so hopefully soon i'll be able to get back on here and just. write and interact with some of ya'll again.

if you'd like to try to keep in touch better, i've got a disc.ord i can exchange with mutuals.

[electricbluebutterflies]

Prompt: “ it's nothing. hurts like hell but -- i've dealt with worse. “

Post-s2-grayspace Kabby. We're playing a little loose with medical plausibility but I did twist my ankle as a tiny human (roughly 20 years ago) so I'm just going with that memory and hoping it's close enough. PG-ish and also on ao3.

If nothing else on this planet manages to kill him, she just might.

This is not a new emotion or desire for Abby – if anything, its frequency has lessened. But other details have changed too, the dramatic personality shift she’s trying to make her peace with and worries was somehow her fault, and-

Most of said personality shift makes her life easier. The fact that Marcus is now impulsive and a bit passive-aggressively suicidal undoes all that goodwill real fast when it flares.

She is not trying to take up his former mantle of paranoia, but it seems that every time he leaves the safety of their compound for more than about two hours, regardless of whether he’s alone or with others, something goes wrong and it becomes her problem. Injuries happen, she gets it, there’s a whole new world everyone is trying to get used to, but most people don’t…

She of all people understands the unwillingness to accept new physical limitations, but it’s like he’s not even trying, like he can ignore that damage and be okay, and then that doesn’t work and she gets stuck dealing with the damage. Just like always.

This time, he thinks he can hide it – he’s learning, perhaps, that these little adventures are becoming the only times she lets herself get mad at him. This time, he comes back moving just slightly wrong, just wrong enough that only someone who pays too much attention to his habits would notice a change, and-

“With me,” she says, and she will at least give him the mercy of not going at him with an audience, as much as that would probably be the most interesting part of five different people’s days. “Now.”

Perfect compliance – this too is becoming normal, this new and frightful willingness to actually listen to her that was absolutely not present six months ago and they’d all be a lot less fucked if it had been and this is no time for what-ifs and-

“I can’t imagine I missed anything that vital in less than half a day,” he says once they’re behind a closed door, not quite making eye contact and clearly trying to distract her. She forgets sometimes that he knows her habits just as well, and hers haven’t dramatically changed recently so that’s even easier, and-

“You are at least aware where you are right now,” she mutters, almost a question. “Turn your head for five minutes and someone tries to cause the apocalypse by accident, again.”

“I know you have more important things to do than-“

“Sit down and shut up for long enough for me to-“

“It’s nothing,” he says in that avoidant voice that used to mean something entirely different between them. “Hurts like hell, but… I’ve dealt with worse.”

Goddamn right he has, Abby thinks and won’t say. At least there’s nothing visibly wrong, at least-

“Make this easier for yourself and tell me what happened before I start removing your clothes until I find it.”

Apparently that’s the necessary level of directness today. Marcus leans down and undoes one of his boots, and… yep, ankle just slightly swollen, sizeable bruise, that’d explain the movement issues, that’d also explain-

“And what exactly did you do?”

“Ground looked level. It wasn’t.”

She kneels down and gets her fingers on the injury, feeling the damage. At least he didn’t manage to break anything, probably just a twist, still unpleasant but not-

“I’m going to wrap that,” she murmurs. “You need to rest it for a few days. I don’t care if-“

“I’m fine. I can’t-“

Abby leans up and glares at him with every bit of fury she can put into her facial expression. “Do you see yourself right now? Do you see these colors that human skin isn’t supposed to-“

“Fine,” he repeats.

“You are supposed to be my other half here. And that means it ruins my life if you go out and hurt yourself any further because of stupid masculine bravado or your barely concealed death wish or-“

“I don’t rest well. You of all people know that.”

Yes, she thinks, the number of times she had to physically tackle him despite being in more pain herself because their combined recovery situation was designed more for supervision than actual enforced healing sure was a time, she’s amazed that even worked, and-

“But I’m the only person left you’ll listen to,” she counters. “And I’m not saying bedrest – I’d like to, but I know you. I’m saying for the next three days your world consists of your normal indoor haunts and ideally not a lot of movement between them, understand?”

It’s not the compromise she wants to make, but she knows how far she can push. And if he spends most of his waking hours on the couch in their shared office, that means she can supervise him and make sure…

Oh, nevermind. Trying to save that man from himself is always a losing battle. She’s known that since she was fifteen. Decades later, she still tries anyways.

“Stay where you can see me,” he correctly interprets. “Understood.”

She moves away for long enough to find an adequate bandage and wraps it around his ankle as tight as she can, just enough structure to control further damage. He’s lucky he didn’t manage to do worse to himself, but it’s probably only a matter of time before-

She’s never actually considered the possibility of her life without him. She doesn’t like that thought.

“There. Is that…”

“I’ll deal.”

It’s not the answer she necessarily wants, but it’ll do. This is no time to actually voice her worry, and-

“I need you,” she repeats anyways.

“Understood.”

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Nearly a year and a half ago now, I was able to watch the John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show (terribly clunky title, it acronyms into JONYSUS and that's not much better, really annoying thing to have to look up if you happen to be spending ages trying find download links for it) with the use of a VPN and another person's Paramount Plus login, because I gave up on finding the files anywhere. But since then, every couple or months ago I've tried again to find them, because I fucking hate having things restricted to streaming services. Not just for the anti-corporate reasons or whatever (though those are important, I strongly object to the fact that people pay for media but all they get to do is rent temporary access to it that lasts as long as they keep paying and as long as the company decides to keep the media on its platform, and you have to watch it on their shitty video player that makes you turn off your adblocker and stalls all the time and that can't be enough value for money, even though to be fair I don't personally pay for it, just occasionally use the login of a generous friend for stuff I can't find elsewhere), but because I like being able to watch shows in a way that lets me cut out screenshots and clips so I can save and organize those into my own folders.

This week, I was finally able to find a form of the show that lets me do that. And I'm finally able to say: Remember that time when Andy Zaltzman spent years making fun of John Oliver for occasionally saying “gotten" because he was living in the United States, and then Andy got on American TV one time - they mentioned on The Bugle that this was his American TV debut - and immediately said "sports"? It's adorable, he hits the S just a touch too hard like he's trying to remind himself to say it.

(Annoyingly, Tumblr is still being difficult about letting me embed videos, so I'm just using Google Drive links instead.)

There's nothing in that short set that I haven't heard Andy do in other contexts (except, obviously, when he does that line in Britain he says "I prefer sport", not sports), but it is interesting to me to see which bits he picked out for an American showcase. Presumably his favourite bits, and what he thought was most marketable.

I wrote a post recently in which I wondered what material early OOs- era John Oliver might have picked out for a crowd that might not be in the mood for annoyingly clever and/or political material. Because I've heard most of the bits that John was doing then, spread across various contexts in little pieces, and I think he probably had just about enough to string together a relatively accessible and apolitical set for an audience that wanted it. Andy Zaltzman, however, did not. The range is one difference between Zaltzman and Oliver.

I've watched this whole 26-episode show, it's mainly American comics doing jokes about sex and drugs. And Andy decided the best he could possibly do when trying to fit in there was the child labour material. Never ever change, Andy.

This seems like a worthwhile time to issue a reminder that this isn't the first time I've been able to save and post a bit of that show. A very helpful friend (@lastweeksshirttonight) was able to grab this clip for me when I first watch it, which of course now has a treasured spot in my definitely-non-Beautiful-Mind-like Chocolate Milk Gang folder.

I thought of that clip recently when I heard this on the Elis James and John Robins radio show:

, just because I find it funny that Daniel Kitson has a lot of friends who make jokes about how much he looks like a serial killer, especially for a man who does not look all that much like a serial killer. He just has a beard. John Oliver at least would have been talking about Kitson circa 2006, when he had long-ish hair, and Daniel Kitson was probably at peak serial appearance before he cut his hair off. But still, even then, in the mid-00s when they were writing all those articles about how weird it was that this scary-looking serial killer man wrote such beautiful comedy - he was just a guy with a beard and long-ish hair. Come on, does this guy guy look like he'd hurt anyone?

Anyway, I'd better wrap up; I'm afraid, like a badly managed French restaurant, I'm running out of thyme.

[arobinwithoutbatman]

((Alright folks, under the read more is the very long tale of what's happened so far in my dnd campaign and what happened last night

SO!

I live with my DM, have done for 5 years now and we've been best friends for about 20 years. Ish. We forget how old we were when we met. It's a long story. The entire world is homebrewed; everything from maps to culture to world history to an entire fucking pantheon. Seriously. My best friend is *incredible* and when I'm not involved in a campaign, I've been their sound board.

The party composition has changed a lot since we first started February 2022 for various reasons: -Cleric switched to Bard cause he was getting a bit bored and wanted to try something different for a while. The Cleric is still alive just currently tied up with work at his temple -Original Bard switched to Rogue because she lost her character sheet and it got flavoured that she was always a Rogue and just pretending to be a Bard -Barbarian was kicked out once he finally revealed his true toxic narcisstist colours and if he comes anywhere his ex (the Rogue player) we're calling the police -One of our Sorcerers switched to Paladin because we had no melee party members and got our asses handed to us a few sessions ago. That particular fight was meant to be difficult and unwinnable but not quite as drastic as what ended up happening. Lots of unlucky dice rolls

Current Level 10 Party composition is as follows: -Luran: Half Elf Bard, not sure what college. He's an artist, his inspiration is flicks of colourful paint that twirl very prettily around us -Love: Reborn Tiefling Sorcerer. Can't remember what her source of magic is rn. She's got all of her skin and organs and everything, she's just covered in burns -Farla: Tabaxi Rogue, Assassin specifically. She's caused so many fucking issues for us -.- Oh and she's officially in trouble with her guild for lack of loyalty and therefore potentially getting the rest of us in trouble -Xiderm: Reborn Eladrin Druid/Artificer. The tech thing is recent. He's literally a skeleton. Yes his name is a taxidermy joke. He and Love bond a lot over the death thing -Cassius: Human (I think) Paladin, Oath of Conquest. He's only been with us for a few sessions and was specifically assigned to us by our mercenary Guild Master to babysit us because we keep ending up in shit -Alice (AKA me~): Human Archfey Warlock, Pact of the Tome. I went full Alice in Wonderland because autism brain a couple years back said "This is a thing you like now" so I'm running with it. Wild Beyond The Witchlight only enabled this. My Patron is the Cheshire Cat~ I'm also currently a Dhampir! I got turned a while back and only got found out last night~

I can go into the story of the whole campaign cause that'll take up it's own post tbh but last night~

We finished our journey across the lake and continued escorting a lovely dwarf named Amelia. She's taking a project back to one of the big cities in the area; she's essentially making the world's first WarForged but it's not quite there yet, it's barely even a prototype and not even sentient. We're headed to the same place so we offered to go with her. We settled into this cosy little pub in a crack in a mountain, got a brief lesson on Dwarven culture (whether you finish the drink or not, you accept the mug that is offered to you and at least try a few sips. To so anything else is highly offensive) and settled in for the night before heading off the next morning. We stopped off at a teeny tiny hamlet cause night was falling, city is still like 3 days away. And the inn didn't really have enough rooms and beds for all of us so we sort of just... grabbed whatever space we could in the area.

Which made it difficult for me to sneak off and go find some food. Cause I got turned into a vampire in a session that happened in October and I only started seriously dropping hints in... March? Because I have heard our Druid/Artificer out of character chatting to our DM that he's sure something is going on with me and just never did anything about it in character. So yeah, I've been very quietly communicating with DM for that long for whenever I'm sneaking off at night to go find an animal to suck the blood of.

As you can imagine, I got caught. Rolled a pretty decent stealth check but Xiderm saw through it and was more concerned by the fact that I, Alice, a very proper lady and courtsean who needs sleep, was sneaking out of the inn in the middle of the night. I noticed I was being followed and tried to lose him, thought I did but we're in a mountain area. There's not a lot of wildlife around that would sate me and I went hungry the night before. Xiderm ended up catching me a couple of rodents of varying sizes but it wasn't enough to fully sate me. It'll have to do though. We had a good long talk and I was given an ultimatium: Tell the party about my condition before we reach Kethador ( the city we're headed to) or he will.

Which I've agreed to purely because that city is underground. No wildlife means no blood. Which means I start getting disadvantages after 3 days, after a week I have to kill to be sated and after 12 days I will go feral and we don't know how long we'll be there.

We also had a talk about when it happened (Player actually guessed this) and why. I chose it. When the rest of the party were getting attacked by creatures in the middle of the night, I was called by an alluring voice which turned out to be a very pretty lady vampire who offered me the choice to be turned instead of being attacked by her hoardes of brothers. I had a talk with Chesh and with her and then accepted her offer.

Anyway. Next morning we start going up the mountain pass and end up in a fight with a rock dragon. Think... Gravios from Monster Hunter. And then we ended there because we play in the evenings and some of us needed sleep and had work in the morning.))

[cg-saturn]

i have this thing that happens where I'm not quite big but m not quite small either, and sometimes when i talk stuff comes out funny like it does when I'm little like the babbling n the baby talk, and I don't really understand a lot of stuff, but i'm still big and can do things that i need to take care of. it's like a weird limbo space that's involuntary and i kinda get stuck there for a really long time and i'm not really sure what it means

idk how long you've been in the agere community or anything but i figured from your blog you might have some advice? its totally cool if not, i just figured its better to ask and maybe get some advice than to not try at all? sorry if this is annoying, feel free to ignore it.

Hey there anon! Thank you so so much for reaching out with this! I do want to start by saying I'm not a professional by any means when it comes to this stuff- I started involuntarily regressing when I was maybe around 14 years old, so 6/7 years ago, however I've honestly only recently become more familiar with some of the more elaborate parts of regression/dreaming. I might be able to offer some suggestions, but you should also try exploring some other sources for info on your own when you feel big enough! Please also remember that regression/dreaming is a little different for everyone, and this is all based strictly on personal experience and knowledge. If I mess up with wording or if i dont properly explain something, please feel free to leave a kindly worded comment or send a private message and I'll make any changes needed!! Like i always say, there are no wrong ways to regress as long as you are being sfw and using the time to heal however you need.

Regression/Dreaming happens for different reasons for everyone. I plan to make a longer post on different types of littles at some point soon, but I do want to mention a few things that could be occurring that maybe you could look into!

Recently I've been learning a lot about Middle Space, because I think I've been having similar-ish "symptoms" (for lack of a better word?). Middle space is a form of regression that isn't quite child-aged but is still a regression from your bio age. It's a different age group, ranging from beginning of teen years to only a few years regressed from your bio age. For myself, I think I find myself in a middle-age range of 10-15, where I'm fully functional with things but I feel like I still find myself behaving in more childish ways. I enjoy taking care of Star and others when I'm in a middle space because it feels almost like playing house! It happens to me involuntarily and for long periods of time, and I do believe mine is related to the amount of trauma I endured at such a developmentally important age.

Its also possible that your regression could be splitting itself between ages as a way to heal from related traumas as well. Depending on what your regression stems from, there may be multiple trauma points from your past that need resolution, or your voluntary regression age might be different from your involuntarily age! It could be a good time when you're in this space to try and figure out what caused you to feel this way, if anything did. Maybe you had a conversation with someone that might have triggered it, or even a familiar smell/texture/taste can sometimes do it. If you can try and place your involuntary regression triggeres, it might help you figure out why it's happening!

Another possibility is that you haven't been taking enough time to be little recently. Sometimes if you've been busy, it's hard to take time to bring yourself into a full little space. Having half-regressions happen involuntarily could be a sign that you need to take better care of your regressed self's needs. Maybe try and find some time in your schedule to color or enjoy your favorite little show, and show your inner child some love! Regressing is healthy, and necessary for some people! Don't neglect taking care of yourself just because it seems less important than Big world activities, because sometimes it's actually even more so!

My last thought is actually really simple compared to the others, and that's the fact that regressing is different for everyone! Maybe yours could be evolving from how it was simply because that's just what happens as we biologically age! Just like our tastebuds, our regression can change over time and evolve with what we need. The most important part of this change is just acknowledging it, just taking time to understand your own regression can be a big help!

I'm going to make another post hopefully soon about different types of regressions, but again I'm not even close to a professional on these things so please always double check me if anything seems wrong! I hope this list can help you start to identify whatever it is that's causing you to involuntarily regress. Always remember, there is no right or wrong way to regress, as long as you're being safe and kind. You deserve love and kindness and healing, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with regression.

Pippi Saturn 💕

--

Dni: k!nk/nsfw, maps, terfs, homophobes, transphobes, anti-agere

[fictionfixations]

Aphmau. uhh... Thoughts?

So I've just. I remembered that I kinda wanted to know about what happened with aphmau from give-grian-rights' (no @ because i dont wanna bother em lol) profile thing cause i think in their pinned post there was something about aphmau

and like

so then i went back and searched 'aphmau' and like. so there was a document (< this is not mine)

so i read it. and just

bro wtf

no but why do like almost all the youtubers from peoples childhood just turn out really shitty?

and then uh. yknow i didnt know there was fuckin.. sib on sib?? i mightve missed it because its been awhile since then but like. what??

i mean okay, so I watched Aphmau when I was young, don't ask me how old I don't remember, but like.. so I joined around Season 1 or 2 of PDH, or Phoenix Drop High if I remember that right, I think maybe probably either towards the end of Season 1 or in the middle of Season 2? I can't remember but I remember waiting to watch it (I remember seeing that theres a new episode and clicking and then im not allowed to watch it because its not approved or whatever cause i had the i think restricted mode on lol ??) HAHA SPOILER WARNING FOR THE SERIES IG? its all from the memory of me though, who is really forgetful and watched it like years ago \/

uh. so. uhh i really dont remember what series is which -- the fuckin, that one season where they're like.. isolated. in the snow. in like a cabin (and theres that one ghost girl thing i think she was a ghost that fuckin kissed zane or something idk why that was so memorable?)

and like.. so ein is there and like. so yknow, children exposure to aphmau being like drugged or some shit (add on to this: I roleplayed with people on like Hypixel housing cause I found Aphmau fans and like.. i dont know man, the drugging was certainly a part of it with the whole green eyes and stuff)

bro i dont know why i thought that was normal?? i mean no one goes up to a child and says 'drugging people is bad' so i mean how was i to know??? and i was just like 'AWEE <3 <3 <3' I DONT KNOW MAN I LIKED BOTH SHIPS??? I WAS WEIRD I WANNA SAY I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER BUT LIKE ?????/ i mean the whole thing made me cry a lot because it was sad and shit but like.. thinking back on the plot now, idk man it was kinda weird

bro the only controversy i knew she was in was like when she for some reason fired all the i think VAs of the characters?? she fired someone and it was all really controversial but i was like 'uh.. this is fine-? idk man i just wanted to watch minecraft roleplay'

and she just like kept dragging it out and i dont think it ever happened (but her content nowadays isnt something i like watching)

also i like.. i rewatched one of her series, one of her newer ones i think with hte demons and shit

My Inner Demons

okay so like.

that show had a lot of adult jokes?????/ idk man maybe it was just me but there was like an amount of sexual-ish stuff and its just ???????????? and i dont remember that when i was a kid but i was oblivious to everything but like.. why put adult jokes in kid show i mean i think it was a kid series i dont really know but her whole channel is like some family friendly show to watch?

i cant name any specific scenes because its been too long but like srsly i feel like it was one of those storylines from a fanfiction that is probably offensive no but like

its y/n x demon boys basically

so that show never really hit hard and wasnt all that memorable, but i am sticking to my claim of adult jokes, and i might be wrong but i swear there was like at least one thing also while we're on the topic of her shows, can I mention like.. the entirety of Mystreet and the fuckin.. WAF??? When Angels Fall or something (the only reason i remember that name is cause WAF.) i like half dont remember what was going on but like

okay so i think so Aaron was like this special type of werewolf thing that I can't actually remember and when he looked at people -

i cant remember

did they die?? IDKK

BUT SO LIke it was like some fairytale thing BUT IT WAS REAL-- wait no i think he got rid of peoples hybrid features cause i think in like.. the series with Ein and the cabin he like went all 'D:<' and then ein lost his fuckin ears and shit /?

I THINK

but so like people were hunting em down because so they were wanted because of that and i dont know why. NO I THINK THEY WERE MIND CONTROLED WIHT THE THE emerald potion? forever potion?? IDK THEY MADE PEOPLES EYES GREEN AND MIND CONTROLLED THEM THEY WERE DRUGS (but the potion is like.. illegal? forbidden?? WELL NOT ANYMORE actually i think travis who i ThiNk is the white haired dude with like green eyes?? ' dad had like the book or something-- i really dont remember)

i ermember that they were probably mind controlled because katelyn or something, the blue haired girl had like green eyes i think and she was attacking aaron

uh

and then i think everyone was fuckin.. dying? i dont know what the fuck happened but then like blah blah blah adn then aphmau fuckin i think goes white eyed and like. irene from MCD or Minecraft Diaries.

with wings

and then i think it ended there wtf im so lost.

its like one of those stories where youre the protagonist so then you end up going a little overboard with crazy ideas that make zero sense when you look at the full picture or some shit idk

aghhh

[highdefinitions]

2022 Writer’s Tag.

I think it might be fun to look back on what we’ve all achieved this year, let you give yourselves a well deserved pat on the back and also share what you love. When you’re done maybe tag someone else so they can share too?

1. How do you feel 2022 has gone in terms of writing?

i am so excited with how 2022 had gone in terms of my writing. felt like i improved a lot and was really glad to have gotten back into it!!

2. What piece are you proudest of this year? It can be a shot/blurb/headcannon, a whole series or even a specific chapter.

you already know what i'm going to say...the dead don't die is by far my favorite...i do however hold a special place in my heart for closest to heaven i love iris and josh and YOU SHOULD TOO

3. Is there anything you posted that you wish had reached more people? (No such thing as a flop here!) Shout it out, it might catch a new pair of eyes!

oh 100% closest to heaven!! i felt like some of my best writing was put into that fic and i still do. i know it's long but it's cutie and you can read it here !

4. Can you give us a hint of anything coming before the end of the year? Maybe even a little taster?

i KNOW you're all on the edge of your seats for the Next Big Percy Project ! god i love being sarcastic ! you know what i also love being? cryptic ! no but for real, some of you already know, i've hinted at a new series coming...soon-ish(?)

5. Are you setting any writing goals for next year, or just going with the flow? If you are, what are they?

i try not to set too many goals for myself. oh my god that sounds terrible. no i just mean like...i don't want to say that i'm going to do something and then not do it...if that makes more sense. i definitely want to finish the dead don't die (if i don't finish it this year which is unlikely), and i want to work loads on the next series project and get back into the groove of writing that again since i started it before picking up the dead don't die!! also potentially another series if i finish this next one? who knows. hopefully i can squeeze in some time to write some more oneshot stuff or even expand on the sparrowverse. i have lots of ideas of ideas to do, but right now it's hard to set anything in stone :)

6. Do you have any one shots or finished pieces you’re tempted to expand on or revisit next year?

uhm really the only pieces that i would continue to expand on is the sparrowverse. hopefully maybe eventually i'll get danny's addition to the story... i don't think i'd add to the dead don't die once it's done i think that one is going to be finished when it's done

7. Is there anything new you’re tempted to try out? A new style/trope/AU/another person in the fandom?

i do not know...maybe inspiration will strike me for some danny fics...as for aus i'll probably delve into another one i won't lie to you i am not at all immune to them

8. Now to hype some other writers! What’s a piece you read back in the first half of the year that you can shout out?

oh i'm terrible at reading and remembering things...uhhhhh YOU'RE ASKING FOR HALF A YEAR AGO UHH I STARTED THIS SHIT IN APRIL UHH

like friends do by my bff @gretagolden <3

and of course like the first fic i ever read lazarus by @garbagevanfleet

9. And how about something you’ve read more recently?

i feel awful. i haven’t been too good at reading this recent because i’m a LOSER and school sucks a little bit. but summer in the city by @gretasmokerising was so fantastic!!

10. A fun one to finish...If you could insert yourself into any fic in the fandom, which would it be and what do you think would happen?

hmmm i’m not sure really!! maybe any cabin fever fic universe by @hearts-hunger !! anything maddie writes is so sweet i could die

I was tagged by the ever lovely @writingcold and I am tagging @gretasmokerising (or really anyone that wants to do it!!!)

[writinggremlin]

💕 for the writblr ASK Game :)

Prompt from the Writeblr Emoji Ask Game

💕 - What inspires your writing most?

Well, I think it mostly boils down to two things: Other pieces of media, and my own personal irl experiences.

Other media has inspired many things for me, my most recent thing being a big, boxy hypnosis machine that takes up half of a room. It's heavily inspired by the music video for the song, Mesmerizer (warning: flashing lights to those who wish to look it up. Stay safe friends), which is about a kid's show that hypnotizes children. Personally, I saw it as a machine in a dystopian world that brainwashes people into believing that it's a utopia and everything is fineeee.

The main detail I really liked was the way that the screen was split into three separate sections. So that's what's in my little machine. It's like your own personal hypnotic theater, with three screens, and the two screens on the sides are angled in a way that make it so that the subject can sit closer to it and it'll take up more of their field of view.

It's also inspired other, similar ideas, like a room where all the walls are hypnotic screens so you can't look away, but you can't close your eyes either because that's exactly what the voice in your headphones wants you to do. There's also that idea, but with different shapes for the room, like a cylinder, a dome, and even a full out sphere (god- image a big hypnotic spiral in something like the LA Sphere. You just look up at the center of it and it just swallows you whole. It takes over your entire field of vision; your mind, body, and soup-- soup?? Soul. Lmao soup tyop-- FUCK!)

I've thought of smaller versions of the theater too. Like the three screens closer to the size of smartphones, and they're on an apparatus that can move to any height and angle. So now you can be hypnotized in bed, at home, or even on the go! Yippee!!!

I also saw a post recently that talked about the more "brain hack" side of hypnosis. How a certain combination of sights and/or sounds could snap somebody's brain before they even have the chance to comprehend it. It got me thinking, and now I want to have it so that there's a tiny device implanted in Kage's ear, that plays a certain set of noises whenever it's triggered. That's undecided though. Maybe I'll do it to Runa instead-- she already has a crap ton of other technology implanted into her body, what's one more device gonna hurt?

As for real life experiences, most of my prompts are based off of those actually lmao. My most recent event being a bicycle accident I got myself into a few weeks ago. I'm surprisingly ok, no concussion, just fractured my nose and busted up my lip. But that was what spawned my last prompt (that I think I actually posted while I was still in the hospital if I remember correctly lmao).

You can actually see that the incident was still affecting my inspiration and writing when I wrote Held At Gunpoint, where there's a moment at the end where Jacky fell, smacked her face into the tile, and broke her nose. Yep. I was referencing myself there lmfao.

There was a series I began writing back in November-ish of last year, called Gallible. I never posted it because I never finished it-- but I did at least get 5 parts in! It was about a Whumpee (I left them unnamed, but in my head it was Runa) who's experiencing some odd abdominal and chest pains. Super painful, can't even function properly levels of pain. Eventually it gets to a point where Caretaker (Onyx) is like "Nope. Fuck this shit, you're going to the hospital." Whumpee discovers that they have gallbladder issues, which they have been ignoring because "it doesn't matter, it's fine! It's just gas! :D!" Surgery happens, leads to cute comfort moments with Whumpee high on anesthetic and painkillers lmao. This totally wasn't based off of me at all, wdym? *Hiding pathology report that says that there were approximately 30 stones in my gallbladder*

The last time I wrote a full piece that referenced my experiences was simply named "Whoops!", and it's a story where Kage was climbing a building with Sebastien, Kage falls, and then he falls again, and lands face first on the concrete. The poor guy ends up with one hell of a concussion. This was referencing what I narrowly avoided with the bike accident. (It's also been left unposted.)

But yeah! My next prompt is probably gonna be about tornadoes and shitty thunderstorms. Been getting a fuck ton of those here lately-- last week we had an EF4 (the highest is EF5) that hit a small town, and it had one hell of a debris cloud that spanned for miles, and that was also was picked up on multiple radars (like, you could see the debris cloud on the debris radar, the normal reflectivity radar, and even the fucking velocity radar! That's not normal!! The velocity radar measures wind speeds and directions! The sheer amount of debris in the air was literally slowing down the wind!! Scary shit, man!)

So yeah, expect some tornado whump prompts coming at you in the near future lmao.

Anygay-- this is long, so I'm gonna end it here. Thanks for the ask, and thanks for reading! If, for some reason, one of the blurbs/ideas I mentioned above sounds interesting to those reading, feel free to ask me to post them! I might just do it anyway (especially that Whoops! drabble cause why not?), but if there's an interest, I'll be happy to share!

Thanks again for the ask, and thanks for reading! Hope you all have a wonderful day/night/life out there! Stay safe! :D!

[gorefetishizer]

I have a need to explain myself throughly but i am so bad at it.

I have many thoughts and feeling and a lot of them have to do with things i am to scared toeven mention to mlst people. I have to keep writing down things because my head Is going to explode if i dont. Do this seem like the ramblings of a madman? Is it weird to jump from venting about being raped to how much i like the sink dog. Should i throuw in the mix that I've unblacklisted the young tag on E6, someone should go through my twitter likes. I feel like I'm waiting for punishment and social ridiculization. I wish it would just hapoen fast. Do i have to live a doublw life just cuz for some reason i developed paraphilias as a kid? I am so scared of going to uno not cuz of assigments wich i should bit more cuz someday i know someone Is going to find something and I Will be socialy anihilated. Like as a kid it happened cuz i liked anime and was showing clear sings of undiagnosed autism but i thought as an adulto i would be Rif of thatbut turns out that autism can also turn you into a disgusting pervert. It's not like I'm making it hard there's irls that follow me here. They just dont use it as much. One day i might suffer from infortunate timing tho. I like pee bit diapers are not for me, i think wet things are gross. There's ppl here that follow me from when i was 13, hi. There's ppl here who follow me from before i went into this rabbit hole, like two and a half years ago, did you like the pipeline? CUB PORN!!! even now i am using words that are less recognizable. Sometimes i can't look at myself in the mirror and itsnot cuz i feel guilty it's because i am a coward. I dont think i should post this but there's lots of things i shoulnt have done and I did them anyways, this is probably nothing. I haven't even done that much cuz i like myself too much to be in actual danger. Older adults offered me hard-ish drugs when i was younger but i said no like a good boy. I drank a lot and I didn't say no and you where younger than me so there's still a part of me that thinks it couldn't have happened. I am lucky i had an actual flashback por i would stillbe in denial. I still have clothes that you gave to me. Sometimes i can't look at myself in the mirror cuzthe sink has been not working for so long that i forgothow to do it every morning without going insane. My legs and face are so hairy and I dont feel desirable anymore. But i like that I'm gaining weight. I dont like that i have to jerk off More than once a day to not think about anything i hate that i made my body used to that. I think I'll be at school thinking about fucked up sex things and throw up. I can't make it nlt show up on my art cuz I'm incapable of lying to my art or about it. It's the only thing that makes me happy and I only can talk about it fully on the internet where nobody knows my real name. I dont know how to stop writing cuz once i do all this things Will be back in my headbuts faster and on top of each other. I should kill myself. I wanna be alive 30 years from now when the popular consensus on pregresive ppl Is that fantasies arent real. And that a thought Is not a crime. My intrusive thoughts that i hated the most are almost non existent nlw that i dont care about looking at lolisho shit on the internet. I am happier i am happier and healthier and More insane and happier and I am happier i swear i am isn't that a good thing. I feel better shouldnt that be a good thing. If anyone says anything to me short of there's nothing wrong with you i Will kill myself. This is a threat and you should take it seriously. I have learned that everyone deserves kindness exept ppl who are Wrong and Evil and I think I've been making myself into someone who Is Wrong and Evil. When is kink a paraphilia when is a paraphilia a sin.i would never do anything because anything real Is gross. I can't even be myself and not a character when i have sex because i geniunly think it's gross and unatractive. Turn off. Ick like the normal ppl say.

[dzpenumbra]

5/1/23

New month. Geez, this year is flying bye, huh.

I had the whole waking up every couple hours thing again, even with the earplugs which work quite well. I don't think it was nightmares either, I don't remember though. I did get back to sleep every time, so no real complaints.

I did a very long yoga routine this morning, almost 40 minutes. I was pretty proud of that. I'm actually getting in pretty good shape considering I'm not really doing any other consistent exercise other than morning yoga every day. Adding in regular skating and walking will definitely get me in good shape.

I am... however... I honestly don't even really know how to describe this... I'm having weird pains all over my body. It's been going on for a while now, but it's been getting really strong lately. That whole panic scare with the deep pain in my inner thigh was the same kind of pain... ish... and probably the most severe. Today it's been the lower back by my spine, and the outside of my hips, and my adductors in my inner thighs. And my forearm. It's muscle pain, I guarantee it. But it's not sore. Not like sore used to be. It feels like... electric, kinda, or like the feeling when someone grabs a bunch of your skin and pinches it really hard? So like, not like a sharp pinch, but like a blunt pinch. I have no idea if that makes sense. The notable part about it is how uncomfortable and intense it is.

I tried using my desk as a standing desk for a bit today and it did help, I think. I've been really afraid of being too sedentary lately, so spending half of my work day standing at my desk and dancing to 80s music helped with that.

I've been watching this big transition that's happening where a bunch of RPers are flooding over to IgniteRP, a new and kinda game-changing GTA V RP server that's set in 1985. It was created with the intention of making a very different environment than the min-maxed memey shit going on on NoPixel... It's been really good so far. Though it does have a lot of glaring problems and a lot of work left to be done.

I watched like 9 hours of it today while I worked on another abstract ink drawing. I hope to have that one finished by tomorrow night so I'll hopefully post it then.

Hearing them talk behind the scenes about what's going on with the server, it made me really want to apply myself to getting into 3D modeling. I fucked around with SketchUp like 10 years ago a bunch, like... making recreations of my apartment at the time and everything. I am very detail oriented. But again, I don't know shit about all this. But I guarantee I could learn in Blender for free. And I can cram and learn really quick. And I have an actual art background to back that up, so... doing custom graphics and shit? And applying them to 3D models? Once I get the 3D shit under my belt, I could pull that off. If I wanted. And there's good money in that. And these guys would be constantly looking for good custom shit. I just, again, have no proof of concept... and no real knowledge in the field. But it's something in great need, if I want to go that route, especially if I can give them a good deal.

I've been really tempted to get into RP. I would fucking love it, it's really good social practice and social interaction. I really enjoyed it when I was playing my character Raymond Holmes on TwitchRP. I just... well... I got a bit too emotionally attached to my first character, which I would need to work on. But the big thing is... I don't want to be loud. I don't feel like I can. I feel like I'll be whispering the whole time, and that wouldn't do my performance justice. It worked at my old house because I could be as loud as I wanted. Here? I've got lots of neighbors. Here, I feel bad if I sing at a normal speaking volume in the shower, with music playing along. Not sure how much of that is anxiety and how much is just being a good neighbor.

So yeah, that was pretty much the entire day. Watching RP, drawing, making and eating 3 baked potatoes with butter, habanero jack cheese and scallions. Drawing more. Then... here I am.

Not much else to say there. XD Still kinda riding the post-project-completion lull. Instagram was devastatingly anti-climactic. Next piece is going to be my hoodie, most likely, but I might try to polish a few of the stones from the other day first. And I also have had the impulse to go paint wooden beads again, so I might... I might throw a batch in a jar and dye them. Like 20 or 30 of them. Just so I have some with a base coat on them, then I can add ornamentation after. Aaaand there's also the skull to do, too...

I have no idea why I keep putting the hoodie off, maybe because of the "finality" of it, or maybe the visibility of it. Maybe because the rest of the back piece looks so damn good, I don't want to "ruin" it. I dunno. I kinda left off with... doing research on the zodiac constellations. I have the 12 signs plotted out and properly aligned, I have spaces that will serve as the houses, too. The signs are essentially a wide ring around the entire backpiece, and inside each wedge I wanted to put the glyph for each zodiac sign, and the actual constellation. Everything but the actual written name of the signs. Then I'm going to superimpose the planet alignments after, but I haven't even gotten that far. So... that's kinda where I am with it. So I just need to do some research on how I want to do the constellations, and then do some sketches, then... I'm guessing black out pretty much the entire zodiac ring? Or I could leave it hoodie color, because the hoodie is black? Not sure... And then I can just do the stars in white or silver. Maybe do a low-opacity glyph in the back with the constellation on top? That could be cool.

So yeah, lots of ideas, but the abstract ink shit has been calling me the strongest so I've been answering that call. It's very therapeutic, and really good hand exercise for longer drawing sessions.

I'm off to bed, we'll see what inspiration calls for tomorrow.

[many-but-one]

Writing a biography? 

Heavily considering writing a biography. I'm not even kidding. I've already written a bit of poetry regarding our healing journey, and to see the poems from the beginning (or even pre-diagnosis) versus the ones now have been really interesting. (At the end of this post I ask for tips on doing this. If you know how to go about a biography writing thing, please reply or DM!💜)

Ever since we had a moment in therapy last weekend, I've been really seriously thinking about being more of an advocate for the community. Not so much in the social media field because I've seen what that does to "big" system names (looking at folks like DissociaDID - I don't think we'd do well with that kind of pressure) but moreso in the mental health community at large. i.e. becoming a motivational speaker or an author that writes a biography or an advocate for DID patients in mental health hospitals, etc. Or just contributing to doctors' studies on the subject as a whole. I feel very strongly about helping others who are in the position I was a year and a half ago. Or the people who are undiagnosed. Or just educating parents on the fact that even if you're a self-proclaimed "fantastic" parent, you aren't going to have a watch over your child at all times and you need to be aware of the signs and signals your child is showing that might relate to physical or sexual abuse in places likes schools, daycares, churches, or just a friend's house. I know I have a long way to go in our healing journey. I'm literally learning new things almost daily--new little squicks or things that we do that are inherently related to our trauma.

I just desperately want others to not feel as alone as I did and to educate the broader society about DID in a way that's NOT sensationalized, in a way that shows the reality of it--HOWEVER isn't demonizing it either. I've spoken with my therapist about it briefly last week when I had the realization that I don't feel shame for the abuse anymore, but I think I might talk about it more in full during our session tomorrow.

That being said...how the fuck does one write a biography. LOL. I know it's more than a personal narrative. Plus, I am aware I will have to greatly change names, locations, and even appearances of a lot of people, as we haven't taken direct legal action with our abusers yet. (CPS has told us they can't do anything until we are not "anonymous" anymore and the police would need a FULL report on things that happened, which isn't possible at this point in time.) I saw someone on Facebook mention talking to a lawyer at some point, once it's written, to ensure I couldn't be sued for defamation. If anyone has tips...would greatly appreciate. Thank you!💜

-Jules-ish? lol