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[doomhands-jr]

The Devil's Advocate - Chapter 3

Noah Sebastian X Reader

Noah is a delinquent with a lot of anger at the church. You're a pastor's daughter plagued by moral perfectionism, charged with overseeing the community service he's been sentenced to complete. You've never encountered true temptation before. How will you fare up against Noah, who not only isn't bound by the same rules of purity as you, but actively scoffs at them?

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Masterlist

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Wheeeeeeee!

________

“Heavenly father,” Isaac began. “We ask that you bless this practice session. Allow us to spread your love and light through our music and give us the opportunity to reach the souls that need to hear it. Amen.”

“Amen,” the rest of you repeated.

“Alright, friends. What songs do we want to play this week?”

“I’ve been leaning towards How He Loves Us,” said Darian.

“Okay. I’ll need to refresh myself on the chords,” said Isaac. “Everyone on board?”

You nodded along with the others, but as they talked over the song list, you found yourself losing focus. Your eyes drifted over to the front of the stage, where you and Noah had sat on Saturday.

You were always so sure that if presented with temptation, you would be able to resist. It had never once entered your mind that there would be a situation in which your resolve would be tested.

But there on those steps, with Noah looking down over you, you knew you would have let your body take over and do whatever it wanted. For the first time in your life, you weren’t sure you could trust yourself with someone—and yet, you weren’t convinced it was a bad thing.

Okay, were you ready to lose your virginity to him? No. That was a big step to take, considering you’d only ever had one kiss in your life, but you couldn’t deny that you were eager to explore your sexuality more, and that had never been something you were willing to do outside of marriage.

Noah’s logic had you questioning the rules that had been instilled in you. He seemed to think that the rules, particularly those surrounding sex, were not worth following. He had such a confidence about it that you were dying to question where he got it from and what his reasoning behind it was.

Something tugged in the back of your mind, though. Isaac had cautioned you about spending time with him, and how he could lead you down a bad path. You felt yourself straying from what you had always believed, but were they right? Were you being led into a life of sin?

Or was it more complicated than that?

“Okay, everyone clear on the set list for this week?”

You nodded, even though you weren’t clear, but you’d pick it up easily enough. You could always ask Ava if you needed help.

“Hey, can I talk to you a minute?”

It was Isaac. He was closer than you remembered him being. “Sure, what’s up?”

“I was wondering if I could get your help with something?”

“Okay?” you said, waiting for him to continue.

“So I want to put together a Christmas concert. I could use your voice. And your help with setting it up if you’re down for it.”

“Halloween isn’t even over,” you said.

“These things take time to arrange. It’s better if we get a head start.” He flashed a smile at you and rocked back on his heels, visibly eager for you to agree.

“What all would I need to do?” you asked.

“Really, I just need you to sing the soprano harmonies. And to spread the word about it. Maybe hang some fliers or something. See if any of the women in your dorm want to come. I’m thinking this could be a great outreach project if we maybe add an alter call or something at the end.”

You didn’t want to. You knew you didn’t want to, but you needed something to focus on that wasn’t Noah and the way he had you questioning everything about yourself. 

“I’ll think about it,” you said.

“Yess,” he hissed, already taking it as a begrudging agreement, instead of a consideration. “Promise you won’t regret it.”

“Uh-huh.”

The rest of the session was spent practicing the songs for the upcoming service. You wished you had the ability to stay focused, but all you could think about was the softness behind Noah’s eyes when he looked at you, and how eager you were for Saturday to arrive.

______

“Noah can’t come,” Nick said, walking up the concrete pathway that led to the church ground. “He got roped into working overtime at the factory. Won’t be off until 3.”

“Oh,” you said, trying not to let your disappointment show. “Sucks for him.”

“Not really. At least he’s getting paid,” he said. “Otherwise he’d have to be here, doing work for free.”

“Right,” you agreed. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“So what’s on the menu for today?” he asked, sounding much more chipper than last week.

“Sorting donations. Our church is holding a drive to help families in need. We’re sorting clothes by size and gender—,”

“Gender is a construct,” he cut in.

“Okay, so by size and masculine vs. feminine then.”

"And what if it's gender-neutral?" he asked.

You sighed. "Use your judgement."

“Got it,” he said and punctuated it with a nod.

“And then if we get done with that, we’ll sort toys by age, and then food by type and expiration date.”

“That sounds like a lot.”

“You shrugged. We’ll just do as much as we have time for.”

You led him down into the basement of the worship center, where all the donation boxes were stored.

“Start with that box. We’ll start sorting it based on gen—er, feminine verses masculine first. Then we’ll do children’s versus adults, and after that, go by size. Feminine clothes go there, masculine over there, you said, pointing to piles on two different tables.

“Sounds good,” he said, picking up a box and getting to work. You got back to work sifting through the box you’d been working on before he had arrived, picking up the clothes, judging which pile they belonged in and whether they were in good enough condition to rehome.

“Make sure you check for things like stains and tears. We don’t want to be sending people damaged things.”

“Got it,” he said.

Nick paused to remove his black hoodie, and you allowed yourself to sneak a glance over at him while he worked. He wore a black shirt with the sleeves cut off, exposing tattoos on his arms, though not nearly as many as Noah. He was more muscular than you realized, biceps flexing and relaxing as he folded the clothes.

“I see you staring,” he said and you looked up at him to find him smirking at you.

“I was looking at your tattoos.”

“Sure you were,” he said. “Go ahead and stare. I don’t mind.”

“I wasn’t staring,” you said, looking away from him and back down to the pile of clothes you were sorting.

“And here I was thinking I’d finally caught the Virgin Mary in an act of lust.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

He slid out from behind the table he was working at and stood next to you, picking up a shirt from the pile in front of you and checking the tag.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Just thought you looked like you could use some help over here.”

You rolled your eyes. “Fine.”

The pair of you worked together in tense silence. You had to admit, the work did go much faster when he was helping. Nick worked hard and rhythmically, settling into a pace that easily bested yours. Every so often, his arm would brush up against yours, and you couldn’t figure out if it was on purpose.

“My god, who donated this?!” he exclaimed after a while. You looked over and he was holding a pair of bright yellow children’s pants with a brown stain across the back, his face scandalized.

You snorted loudly. Nick caught it and his face lit up with his own laughter, and the two of you devolved into a fit of giggles.

“We should probably toss that one,” you said after regaining your composure and pointed to the trash can in the corner. He agreed, balling the garment up and tossing it into the trash, easily sinking it into the basket even though it was across the room.

“Do you think the rest are contaminated?” he asked.

You shook your head. “The organizers washed all of these in big industrial washers. It’s just a stain. Still gross though.”

“Still gross,” he agreed.

“Alright, since we’re almost done with this box, I’m gonna grab the next one,” you said, but before you could even try to lift it, Nick had stepped in front of you, hoisting it easily up onto the table with no effort. Impressive, considering you’d been struggling to even lift the boxes of clothing yourself.

“Thanks,” you said.

“No problem. Hey, so you know how I always say you could use more fun.”

You paused folding the shirt in your hands and raised an eyebrow. 

“Don’t give me that look. You know it’s true.”

You maintained your cool expression.

“Well, we’re doing a Halloween gig tonight at Jolly’s. You should come.”

You considered it. If the band was playing, that meant Noah would be there, and you’d get to see what he’s like outside of community service. It sounded tempting, but—

“I already committed to handing out candy to trick-or-treaters with the worship team.”

Nick let out a sound of annoyance. “Are you always doing church stuff?”

You laughed. “Kind of.”

“Well, what time does it go until?” he asked.

“I think trick-or-treat ends at 8:30.”

“Perfect,” he said. “The party doesn’t even start until after 9:00.”

You considered for a moment, not sure if it would be a good idea.

“I can practically hear you talking yourself out of it.”

“It’s just…,” you began.

“You’re worried you’ll get pulled into a life of sin?” he finished. “Come on. It’s one party. You don’t even have to drink.”

You thought about it. It could be interesting to see the band perform. Get an idea of the kind of music Noah’s into.

“Can I bring a friend?” you asked.

He chuckled, “sure, if it’ll get you to come.”

“Okay. Where should I go?”

Nick smiled. “Where’s your dorm? I can pick you and your friend up there at 9:00 and we’ll head over together.”

“Sounds good.”

“Oh, and wear a costume.”

_______

“No way! Really?!” Ava half-shouted.

“Don’t go crazy. I’m bringing you to be my accountability partner,” you said. “Make sure I don’t make any bad decisions while I’m there.”

“What bad decisions would you even make?” she said, “You’re the most responsible out of all of us.”

“I don’t know,” you said. “I’ve never been to this kind of party before, so I don’t know what to expect.”

“We’ll be fine,” she said. “Don’t be such a worrier.”

She had a point. You doubted you were going to do anything. But then again, you had experienced your first real temptation only a week ago, and had Nick not walked in, you weren’t one hundred percent positive you would have resisted.

Only time would tell.

_________

Trick-or-treating went smoothly. You and the rest of the worship band got dressed up in your costumes and handed out candy from the steps leading up to the church. Other organizers in your congregation had set up a mini obstacle course for the children, and a table full of apple cider and glazed donuts stood beside it, with many members of the church gathered around it.

These were the kinds of events you loved helping out at. There was such a sense of community that made you feel like you were part of something greater than yourself. Seeing the joy on everyone’s faces made putting up with the more annoying tasks well worth it.

Ava dressed as a medieval princess in a flowing white and pink gown. Isaac went as a pirate. Darian and Josh wore matching “Thing 1” and “Thing 2” costumes. You were dressed as your favorite historical president, but with a twist. The kids loved your costumes, but their own costumes were just as creative.

Part of the event that the church put on involved a costume contest, where the winner would receive a gift certificate for free pizza, soda, and dessert at the local pizza restaurant. It wasn’t much, but the kids had gone all out for it.

You and the worship band were in charge of judging the costumes, and after much deliberation between the robot (your choice) and the wolverine (Isaac’s choice), the robot eventually won out.

“It had blinking LEDs and functioning buttons with sound effects!” you said, when Isaac was salty about the outcome.

“The kid had home-made retractable claws! Do you know how much engineering that takes?”

“Sorry. The results were fair.”

“Whatever. What are you guys doing after this? Want to go bowling?”

“Actually, we already have plans,” Ava said.

“Oh? Where are you going?”

“We were invited to watch a local band.”

“Oh nice. Where is it? I might want to stop by.”

“Oh, uh. I actually don’t know. Our friend is going to pick us up,” you said, growing nervous.

Isaac’s eyes narrowed. “Which friend?”

You shifted, not knowing how to answer him. 

“It’s the delinquents,” said Ava, unconcerned with the tension that had grown. “Calm down, we’ll be fine.”

Isaac looked at you as if you had told him you were going to a strip club. “That sounds like a really bad idea,” he said. “Are you sure about this? Do you want me to escort you?”

“Yes I’m sure. And no, we don’t need a chaperone. It’s just listening to a band.”

“Yeah,” said Isaac. “A secular band.”

“Isaac chill. She asked me to be her accountability partner. She’s covered. Now if you’ll excuse me, we have to get going.”

Ava grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you away. Isaac looked like he wanted to follow, but thought better of it and turned away.

“You’re welcome for that, by the way,” she said when the two of you were out of earshot.

“Thanks. I owe you,” you said. “What’s his problem?”

“He doesn’t like them. He’s been talking to me about it. He believes they’re bad news, but I think he’s just jealous, to be honest. You’re no longer paying attention to him the way you used to and he knows it.”

“What a crybaby,” you said.

“I mean, can you blame him? You spent the last several years at his beck and call, and now suddenly you dip.”

“That’s not exactly fair,” you said. “You were the same way with him.”

“Yeah, well, maybe both of us are to blame.”

“You might be right.”

You and Ava reached your dorm, where Ava stripped off the overskirt of her dress, revealing a much shorter version of her costume, complete with knee socks and heels.

“Whoa!” you exclaimed.

“I told you I wanted to experience life on the other side,” she said. “This is my chance. Don’t judge me.”

“Honestly, I’m more impressed than anything. But I don’t know. Maybe it’s a little much for your first party? Like, should you scope it out first before taking a risk like that?”

Ava shrugged. “I’m tired of the same boring things every day. I could use a little risk-taking.”

You bit back your comments, knowing that you weren’t going to change her mind. She was headstrong, which you loved about her, but it also worried you at times.

“Just don’t get too carried away, okay?” you said.

“I’m going to have at least one drink while I’m there.”

“You’re supposed to be my accountability partner!”

“I can still hold you accountable. It’s just one drink.”

You sighed and rubbed your forehead, acknowledging to yourself that it may have been a mistake to bring her.

“Please just don’t make me babysit you the whole time. I want to enjoy myself.”

“I promise. I’ll keep my wits about me. I’ll have one drink. We’ll listen to the music, maybe do a little dancing. Maybe I’ll have my first kiss, and then we’ll be home by midnight.”

You groaned. “Drinking and kissing? That’s a lot to pack into one night.”

“It’ll be fine,” she insisted. “Don’t worry about me. You just focus on enjoying yourself, okay? This is your first real party. You should be excited for you! Not worried for me.”

As if on cue, there was a knock on your door. You looked at the clock on your phone and it read 8:57.

“He’s early for once.”

You opened the door to reveal Nick’s bare chest with the image of an eagle holding a fish inked onto it. A tiny purple vest barely covered his shoulders.  “Aladdin?” you asked.

“At your service,” he said, lifting the fez he wore up in salute.

“Nice,” you commented. “Nick, this is Ava.”

“Princess Ava,” he said, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. “I like your costume.”

Ava burst into a fit of giggles at the flattery. “Yours too.”

“Don’t get any ideas,” you said to Nick, already knowing what he was thinking. You saw his eyes scan up and down Ava’s legs.

“What are you supposed to be?” he asked. “A sexy founding father?”

“Baberaham Lincoln,” you clarified, fiddling with the fake beard to ensure its placement.

He scanned you up and down. “I guess I see it,” he said slowly. “But to truly pass as a babe-ified version of Lincoln, I think you need to be a little sexier.”

“I wore red lipstick,” you defended.

“You could stand to undo a few buttons on your shirt. Or tie it up to make a crop top,” Ava suggested.

“I’m good,” you said.

Nick shrugged. “Suit yourself. Come on.”

You and Ava followed him out the door and began your walk towards town. Jolly’s house was supposedly a mile or so away from campus. The wind carried a chill, but Ava and Nick seemed to not notice, too enraptured in conversation. They were obviously flirting, and you’d have to remember to warn Ava about him. And threaten Nick.

The walk was quicker than you expected, and you vaguely recognized the part of town Jolly lived in. The house was light blue with black shutters. It spanned two floors, but wasn’t in great shape. Partygoers spilled out onto the front porch and lawn, all dressed in a variety of costumes. You noticed most were homemade, and you appreciated that, but they also showed much more skin than you were used to seeing and you felt overdressed. You unbuttoned one button at the top of your blouse.

“So ladies,” Nick said, gesturing to the crowd. “This is a party. Can I get either of you something to drink?”

“I’m fine,” you said.  “I’ll take a drink,” said Ava.

Nick grinned. “Excellent. What would you like?”

“What do they have?” she asked.

“Follow me to the kitchen and I’ll show you.” Nick and Ava made their way into the crowd, while you hung back a few paces, wanting to get your bearings before immersing yourself into the sea of people. You scanned the strangers, looking for Noah, but came up empty.

So this was a party. It looked like people were having fun. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves, but it was very crowded and noisy. You wondered if alcohol was the key to enjoying this. Or perhaps knowing more people. Maybe you just didn’t know anyone so it was hard for you to keep from feeling out of place.

You walked up the steps and across the porch, weaving in and out among partygoers and noticing the various costumes. Superheroes, characters from popular movies and comic book series. A lot of people dressed as celebrities, and then more generic costumes like firefighter and nurse. Several girls walked around in black bodysuits with cat ears and whiskers painted on their faces. You wondered if they all knew each other.

Stepping into the house, you were met with a big cloud of cigarette smoke. It wafted into the air and permeated throughout the entire house. There was another smell too that you didn’t recognize, but you guessed was marijuana.

The tile floor was sticky, you noticed. Your shoes peeled away from the ground with each step and you could almost feel the film they were collecting. It was also hot and humid inside the house, with all the bodies that were crammed in.

Electric neon lights flashed all around in the living room, where several people gathered. It looked like that was where people went to dance. In the kitchen, Ava and Nick leaned up against the counter while Nick poured some red liquid from a large Hawaiian Punch container labeled “jungle juice.” He handed it to Ava and she smiled up at him. His hand went to rest around her waist and she blushed. You’d have to intervene eventually, but for now, you wanted to let Ava have her fun.

You took a swig of water out of the bottle you’d tucked into the inside pocket of your blazer, which was quickly growing too warm. You couldn’t abandon it though, or else nobody would know what you were dressed as—not that it mattered much. Everyone was focused on their own thing, and nobody was paying attention to you.

You found yourself a corner of the living room to stand in and you leaned against the walls, watching the guests as they danced. Some were dancing on each other. Some were making out, while others danced with abandon, twirling their arms above their heads and jumping up and down. It reminded you of summer camp, when you’d do the same thing. Dance with reckless abandon to the worship music—although the context of this dancing was wildly different.

You missed being a kid and getting to participate in all the different activities in the church. Now that you were an adult, you’d taken on more of an organizer and leadership role, overseeing all of these activities. You liked the work, but had much more fun when you were a kid, before all the responsibility kicked in.

A tall figure coming down the stairs caught your eye and you recognized him immediately. He hadn’t seen you yet, and you were perfectly content to watch him from afar.

Noah was dressed in all black. He had switched out his hoodie for a tank top, which displayed the full scope of his tattoos. He wore his hair tied back, but on his head sat a pair of shiny, dark black horns. He held a glass beer bottle in one hand and sipped casually from it.

As he made his way through the crowd, it soon became clear he was one of the more popular guests. Several people went out of their way to greet him by offering high-fives, fist bumps, or by tapping their drinks to his. A couple women were more affectionate—they greeted him by throwing their arms around his neck and wrapping him in a hug, and it was hard to admit your own jealousy to yourself. Noah could have female friends, and it wasn’t a betrayal of whatever small connection the two of you had established. Even still, it was uncomfortable to watch.

You could see the moment he spotted Nick, as he immediately made his way over to them. You were relieved to see he greeted him with more enthusiasm than anyone else. Nick introduced Ava, who shook Noah’s hand. You could see on her face that while she was just as taken aback by the abundance of tattoos as you were originally, she was visibly interested in learning who this newcomer was.

Ava said something else to Noah, who smiled and laughed, and then Nick chimed in, but you couldn’t hear any specifics. In response, Noah perked up and turned to scan the room. Nick leaned toward his friend to mention something else, pointing in your direction, and when Noah finally spotted you, he nodded and started in your direction.

That was your cue to come out of your little secluded corner. Locking eyes with him, you noticed he wore a pair of contacts that completely blacked out his eyes and made him look like a demon, which you supposed was the intent. Despite that, you were warmed by his smile.

When he reached you, he greeted you with a gentle hand on your shoulder and you found yourself wishing you had worn something sleeveless so you could feel the full effect of his touch.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Noah asked, curious but pleased. “And what are you supposed to be?”

“I’m Baberaham Lincoln!” you said. “I thought more people would get that.”

Noah paused, scanned you up and down, and then doubled over in laughter.

“Thank you,” he said, and surprised you by wrapping you up in a warm hug and pressing you into his chest. “You made my night.”

Noah was very sweaty, and you could smell the slight sourness of body odor on him beneath the patchouli scent, but that didn’t detract from how much you enjoyed the embrace.  

“Are you dressed as a demon?” you asked when he finally pulled away.

“Something like that. I didn’t put much thought into it. Just wanted to look scary.”

“Well, it did the trick,” you said. “Your eyes are kind of freaking me out.”

He smiled down at you in response and despite the unsettling costume, you felt your affection for him grow.

“You don’t mind if I drink, do you?” he asked.

“I’m not here to stop you from having any fun. I’m on your turf now.” You had to lean towards him to be heard over the sound of the music and the crowd.

“I’m really surprised you came,” he confessed. “It doesn’t seem like your normal scene, but I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you said. Shrouded in his presence, you began to understand the appeal of these parties.

“Fair warning though,” he said, leaning down next to your face so you could hear him. “You probably aren’t going to like our music. It’s not exactly your style.” You were met with the slight pressure of his palm on your lower back, and you wondered if the alcohol had lowered his inhibitions.

“Yeah, I know,” you said, reaching into your pockets and pulling out two foam pieces. “I brought earplugs just in case.”

He grinned, dark contacts not taking away from his genuine delight. “That’s my girl.” Something erupted in your stomach at the nickname. “Hey, come here. I want to introduce you to the band.” He led you by the hand through the party and back out onto the front porch.

“This is Ruffilo and Jolly,” he said, introducing you to two other heavily-tattooed and long-haired men. “You already met Folio, our drummer. Ruffilo plays bass and Jolly pays guitar. His real name is Joakim, but we all call him Jolly.”

“Nice to meet you,” you said, extending your hand to each of them to shake.

“This is that girl I was talking about who oversees the community service.”

“Virgin Mary!” Jolly exclaimed in recognition.

Your face fell and you looked up at Noah sourly.

“Shit,” he said. “That probably wasn’t cool, was it?” he asked.

“No, not really,” you said, stepping away from him.

“Sorry, okay guys. Just Mary. Not Virgin Mary.”

“Man, come on,” you whined, and Noah giggled to himself at his own joke. You realized you were stuck with the nickname, probably for as long as you and Noah would know each other.

“So people keep requesting we play Dethrone,” said Jolly. “I think we should.”

Noah’s eyes glanced over at you and his demeanor turned to hesitant. “No Dethrone,” he said. “I’m not feeling it tonight.”

“Okay, but you don’t get to make decisions for the whole band,” reasoned Ruffilo.

“I don’t know if my voice is up to it,” Noah said. “It’s a hard one to perform.”

Ruffilo sighed. “They’re not going to be happy about it.”

“Maybe next time,” said Noah. “When I remember to bring the Throat Coat.”

Jolly fixed Noah with a look of displeasure, but sighed and relented. “Fine, but don’t neglect your vocal exercises in the future. It’s our biggest crowd-pleaser.”

“Got it,” said Noah. “I won’t.”

Ruffilo pulled out what looked like a hand-wrapped cigarette which you recognized as a joint and lit it up. He took a deep inhale before passing it to Noah, who accepted and sucked back a long drag.

“You don’t mind if I do this, do you?” he intoned, keeping the air trapped in his lungs as he spoke before exhaling a few moments later.

“Not at all,” you said, though something was telling you it was time to take some space.

“Hey, I’m gonna go find Ava,” you said. “You guys have fun.”

“You good?” asked Noah, looking at you with sincerity.

You nodded. “Promise. I just want to check on her.”

“Okay,” he said, taking another drag. “We go on in a few minutes, but I’ll meet up with you after our set. Wait for me?”

“Of course,” you said, softening despite your discomfort.

You didn’t want to leave his side, but if you stayed, you knew you’d be uncomfortable with the situation and you’d already exposed yourself to enough unfamiliarity that night. 

You made your way back into the kitchen, noting that Nick and Ava had moved. You scanned around the house and finally spotted them on the dance floor. He had his arm wrapped around her waist and they were pressed up close to each other. He whispered something into her ear and she threw her head back in laughter.

It was innocent enough, but you’d step in if you felt like you had to.

Wandering through the house, you searched for a quiet spot and a breath of fresh air. You spotted a back door down a short hallway and made a beeline for it, opening to find it a small back yard with a firepit and only a few people standing around it.

You made your way through the yard, past the fire pit and to the back edge where an old shed sat. You leaned against it, closing your eyes and breathing deep. The cool night air filled your lungs, along with the scent of burning wood from the fire.

You were reminded of nights like these spent at church camp during Vespers. Gathering around the campfire and signing along with whoever played the acoustic guitar. Some of the most transformative times of your life happened around those fires. You felt so connected to God. The Holy Spirit permeated through the air, vibrating with intensity and everyone there could feel it. In that moment, you knew that everyone around that fire, no matter where they came from, felt the exact same way you did.

Now, you felt disconnected from your surroundings in an all-consuming way. It was as if everyone else was riding an energetic frequency you couldn’t seem to find and didn’t know if you wanted to. Even Ava, your best friend, assimilated seamlessly into the party atmosphere.

You breathed deeply in and out through your nose and ran your fingertips along the paint that was flaking off the siding of the shed, which served to ground you in the way you needed. You knew you’d have to rejoin the party soon, but you were grateful for this private moment of solace.

As if on cue, the sound of guitars blasted through the back door, demanding your presence. You took out the ear plugs and stuffed them into your ears, the foam muffling the sound and softening the world around you, which had grown abrasive in the last hour or so. _____

The basement floor was damp and even stickier than the kitchen. It was also much more crowded than the upper floor had been now that the entire party was gathered into a single space.

The crowd looked on eagerly as the band set up and did their sound checks. The excitement was tangible and you had no idea Noah’s band had such a following.

“Check. Check,” Noah shouted into the microphone. “I need more in my monitor.” You looked to the back of the room where a small table was set up and someone was running sound.

The sound check took several minutes, but once all the levels were steady, Noah opened his mouth and let out one of the loudest and most demonic sounds you’d ever heard come from a person. You jumped out of your skin, feeling your arm hair stand on end.

Four clicks from Nick’s drumsticks and the entire band joined in, producing a volume even your ear plugs couldn’t compete with.

“Alright you motherfuckers,” Noah shouted. “We’re Bad Omens and we’ve come to steal your souls on this beautiful Hallow-fucking-ween.”

The crowd cheered. Many began jumping up and down in time with the music. The lights flashed from bright green to a deep red, and Noah began to sing.

“Dead on the inside!” 

You never knew live music could be this loud or a crowd this energetic. You’d gone to a few Christian rock concerts, but they were nothing compared to what was happening in front of you.

As the band played through the first few verses of the opening song, the energy of the crowd steadily grew. By the time they hit the crescendo, it looked like a fight had broken out in the audience.

You were immediately put on guard, not sure why nobody else was reacting to it, including the band, when you overserved a few minutes longer and realized that the audience seemed to be…enjoying themselves. It wasn’t a fist fight, you noted. It looked like a bunch of people pushing each other around and flailing their bodies into each other.

Moshing. They were moshing. You remember hearing about it from Isaac, who was into more of the heavier music like The Devil Wears Prada. He said they headlined a Christian music festival he went to over the summer and mentioned that he’d been in a mosh pit, describing what it had been like in vivid detail.

Looking at the audience now, you couldn’t ever imagine someone like Isaac holding their own in a crowd like this.

The next several songs went on like that. The energy of the crowd never died down, and Noah alternated between screaming and singing. You had no idea how his throat could even handle making those noises without bleeding halfway through the first song. You’d have to ask him about that later.

All-in-all, he was right. It definitely wasn’t your preferred style of music, but you could appreciate the passion behind it. Noah’s singing voice was actually beautiful. He hit high notes you’d never heard a man hit before, and he did it with ease. You wished he would stick to that type of singing, but you supposed there had to be an appeal to the screaming, or else the crowd wouldn’t be so lively.

Despite it not being your style, you had fun watching the band perform. Noah’s passion was obvious. He threw his entire body into his performance, letting the music reverberate from deep inside him, and you were content to watch him in his natural habitat.

The juxtaposition was wild. He was normally so closed off and reserved. Here, he was uninhibited. It was like he belonged on a stage and in front of a microphone, and you found yourself feeling happy that he found this outlet for himself.

When the band played their final note, Noah thanked the crowd for coming out and told them all where they could purchase merch and download music.

“Dethrone!” someone shouted from the audience.

“Not tonight, guys. That one’s hard on my throat,” he said.

“Dethrone!” more people shouted. The crowd began to chant over and over again.

“I mean, it’s Halloween. We kind of have to play it,” the man you’d met earlier—Ruffilo—said into the mic.

“Dethrone! Dethrone! Dethrone!” the crowd chanted, and you wondered what kind of song it must be to cause the crowd to react so strongly.

Noah hesitated, looking very torn. He scanned the crowd for a few moments before locking eyes with you and his face held a look of what you could only describe as apology. He held eye contact with you for several minutes, and then he sighed and turned back to the crowd.

“Alright all you fucking cowards, this one’s called Dethrone, and I want to see you tear this fucking place to the ground.”

The guitar came in with a fast and heavy riff for a few bars before the bass and drum joined them. The lights flashed on and off and Noah let out a deep, guttural growl that lasted several bars.

The crowd went absolutely feral. The entire audience began thrashing around and pushing up against one another. Even at the back of the room, you got shoved left and right.

Throughout the noise of the crowd and the screaming you could only make out bits and pieces of the lyrics.

“…when I was killed and born again.” 

“If he’s home I’ve got a message from below. Fuck you.” 

“…Take me to the pearly gates, so I can look you in the eye when I spit in your face.” 

The moment you realized what the song was about, you reached your breaking point. You had to get out of there. You did your best to navigate your way over to the stairs through the sea of thrashing people. You were almost to the steps when someone slammed an elbow hard into the side of your face.

“Ow!” you shouted, but nobody paid attention. You reached the railing and pulled yourself up from the crowd, rushing up the stairs as fast as you could and outside the back door of the house.

You could still hear the song from the outside, but it was muffled enough for you to take a few deep breaths. Your face stung where it had been hit, and you had to shake your hands vigorously to steady yourself.

It was too much. It was all too much. Not just the party and the drinking and the drug use, but the anger of it all. The violence. The deliberate threats made towards the God you’ve known and loved your entire life. The hatred towards Him. And it felt personal. It felt like an attack on everything you’ve built your life around.

You let out a choked sound, no longer able to hold the tears back. You covered your mouth with your hand, trying hard not to make noises in case anyone was around, and stumbled your way to the back of the shed, where hopefully nobody could witness your state.

Inside, you heard the song come to an end and the crowd give one final cheer for the band.

You knew the crowd would be dispersing soon and there was a chance someone would stumble upon you. The yard was completely fenced in and in order to get out, you’d have to go through the house.

You sank to your knees, clutching at the frigid blades of grass, which helped steady you a little. Tears still pouring down, you tried to steady your breathing as best as you can, when you heard your name being called.

It was Noah. You didn’t want to answer him. Didn’t want him to see you like this. In your head, you prayed a silent prayer he would go back into the house and let you compose yourself in peace.

God, however, had other plans.

“Shit,” Noah said as he turned the corner of the shed and found you. “I’m so sorry you had to see that.” He knelt down in front of you, trying to get a look at your face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you choked out.

“Shit,” he said again, noticing your tears. “Come on, let me walk you home.”

You shook your head. “I don’t want to go back through there.” You hid your face, feeling ashamed at your own reaction.

“Come on, let’s talk,” he said, grabbing your hand and trying to pull you to your feet.

“I said I’m fine,” you protested. This time it came out sharper. You didn’t want to take your feelings out on him, but you found it impossible to control your tone in the moment.

“Let’s at least get you into a quiet room. Come on, my studio is in this shed. Nobody will bother you. Promise.”

At the promise of a quiet space with nobody to see you, you relented and allowed him to lead you around the side of the shed. He unclipped a set of keys from a carabiner on his belt loop and used one of them to unlock the door, ushering you inside. He relocked it behind him and plugged in a set of string lights that cast the room in a warm, dim glow.

“Have a seat,” he said and gestured to the couch that lined the wall on one side. You obeyed, sitting on the couch and doubling over, arms crossed over your legs and head buried in them. You continued to work to steady yourself.

Noah set a box of tissues beside you, and then rolled his desk chair in front of where you were sitting. He sat facing you, long legs on either side of your knees. Then he placed his hands firmly on your shoulders.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

You nodded into your arms. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You nodded again.

“What happened?” he asked, voice softer now.

“I had a panic attack.” Your voice came out muffled.

“Because of the song?” he said.

You nodded again.

“Shit,” he said for the third time.

“And I got elbowed in the face.”

“Shit.” A fourth. “Can I see?”

You shook your head no.

“Please? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Reluctantly, you lifted your head to show him.

He let out a compressed breath. “Oof. Yeah, it looks like you’ve got yourself a bit of a shiner,” he said, cupping your face gently.

You refused to meet his eyes, instead opting for a tissue so you could blow your nose. An embarrassing amount of mucus shot into the tissue. Then you pulled a second one to wipe off any makeup that may have smeared.

“Does it hurt?”

You sniffled and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Shit.”

“Is that your favorite word or something?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have warned you about the crowd. I’m so used to that stuff now. I forget what it’s like for someone who’s never been to a show like that before.”

“It’s fine,” you said.

“It’s not though. I’d been drinking. I didn’t have my wits about me, and because of that you got hurt.”

You sighed. “It wasn’t the elbow,” you said, finally meeting his eyes. His brows furrowed with concern and he let his hands slide down to rest on your knees, thumbs rubbing gentle circles over them. You could only handle eye contact for a second before you had to look away again. “Is that how you really feel?”

Noah puffed out a breath. “I didn’t want you to have to see that.”

“I knew you had a lot of anger. But not that much.”

He dropped his head, staring at where his hands rested on your knees. “It must have been pretty jarring.”

“Yeah,” you admitted. “I think it was just a lot for me. I was out of my comfort zone all night, and then that happened. I’ve never seen so many people with such…disdain for God.”

Noah dug his thumbnail into your thigh softly and bit his lip.

“I know.”

“Why though? Why all the anger? Why the hate? And why do you hang out with those people?”

“I’m one of them,” he said. “I know it might be hard to digest, especially since you’ve been protected from it for so long, but there are a lot of people out there who feel that way. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad people.”

“But that wasn’t just anger. That was hate.” 

“Yeah,” he said, cupping the backs of your thighs. He still wasn’t explaining anything and you were growing frustrated.

“What am I not getting?” you finally asked.

Noah hesitated, fingers drawing patterns over your pants.

“Not everyone has the best upbringing,” he explained, voice tender. “There are people born into shitty situations and they never receive the help or support they need. Life doesn’t provide opportunities to them the way it does for some others, and after a while, the injustice of it all gets to be too much.”

He gave you an opportunity to respond, but you stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

“My parents were addicts. I think I already mentioned it. And I was born in a town where half the people don’t make it to 18 without an addiction of some sort. Ruffilo and I were lucky to escape, but I’ve seen friends and families torn apart by drugs and crime. I’ve seen pregnant 14-year-old girls turn to prostitution to afford their drug habits. Do you know how hard that is to watch?”

You shook your head.

“If God exists, how can I not be angry with him for allowing shit like that to happen?”

You were at a loss for words, humbled even in your hurt.

“I don’t know what to say,” you whispered.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said, squeezing your thighs with his hands. “I don’t judge you for how you feel about God. But I do need you to accept that this part of me exists. And it’s not going anywhere. At least, not for a while.”

A couple more tears dripped from your lashes and landed on Noah’s hands. He didn’t flinch away. Instead, he brought a thumb up to your cheekbones and wiped off the remaining wetness that clung to your lashes.

“Look. I don’t know if I believe in God. But if he does exist, and he’s as loving as you say he is, I have to believe he’ll forgive me for how I act in my anger. I think he’ll understand why that anger is necessary for me to feel, and I don’t think he’d punish me for it. If anything, I think he’d allow me to move through it for as long as I need. Or want me to, even, so that I can process it and eventually move on.”

As Noah spoke, something washed over you like a wave. A tension that had been growing inside of you for as long as you could remember began to release, and with it came a brand new understanding.

“Noah,” you whispered. “Have you ever thought about being a pastor?”

Noah’s face broke into a smile and he huffed out a breath of air that fanned out over your face. He smelled like stale beer and smoke, but there was another layer underneath that smelled vaguely sweet.

“That is the weirdest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“No, I’m serious,” you said with a sniffle, and wiped away another tear. “You know more about God than any church leader I’ve met.”

“I think sometimes it’s hard to see the bigger picture when you’re too close,” he whispered, face now much closer to yours. “I have the benefit of having stepped away.”

You were silent for a moment, digesting the conversation. You didn’t want to talk about it anymore, but you weren’t ready to go back and rejoin the party.

“Can I show you something I’ve been working on?” asked Noah.

“Sure,” you said.

He kicked his feet into the floor and pushed back from where you were sitting, rolling across the floor and over to his desk. He fiddled with a few wires and switches before opening his laptop and pulling up a program.

“I’ve had this melody in my head for a while,” he said, messing with some of the controls before hitting play. “I don’t have any words yet, but I wanted to show you.”

A soft melody began playing through the speakers. Somber. Completely different from any of the songs you’d heard during their set. 

“How long have you been working on this?” you asked as the music played.

“A couple of weeks,” he said, not offering much more explanation.

He wouldn’t meet your eye. Rather, he fidgeted with an auxiliary cable, twisting it around in his hands while simultaneously bouncing his legs up and down softly in time with the drums on the track.

The slow melody held out through the song, but the music grew in intensity, settling into a low-fi R&B vibe.

Seemingly growing restless, Noah spun back around in his chair to face you. He muttered something but you were unable to decipher it over the music.

“What?” you asked.

“I’ve been experimenting with different styles,” he said, a little louder. “Hoping to expand my skills.”

“I like this,” you said. “Definitely more to my tastes.”

He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. “Metal isn’t for everyone.”

“I see the appeal of it,” you said. “I’m sure it resonates with a lot of people, even if I’m not one of them. Your band has a lot of…uh…passionate fans.”

The smile reached both sides of his mouth and he inched closer to you.

“What made you decide to come tonight?” he asked, and you knew it was important for you to be honest in that moment.

“I wanted to see you.”

Like a magnet to metal, Noah gravitated toward you again. There were no false pretenses for why. He wanted to be near you.

Resuming his position from earlier, he sat across from you, legs stretched out on either side of yours. He leaned back in his fancy office chair, and you mirrored him, sinking deeper into the couch.

You watched him watching you, scanning his features for any signals as to what was going on inside his head at that moment. The music played out through the speakers and neither of you made any efforts to fill space or silence. When the song reached its conclusion, it stopped automatically, and it was a while before anyone spoke.

“Does it have a name?” you asked, breaking the silence.

“Not yet,” he said.

“It’s good. I don’t have much music knowledge to say exactly what it is that I like about it, but I can tell I like it. I’d be interested in seeing how it progresses.”

“Good,” he said, arms folded over his torso. He swiveled slightly from left to right, knees knocking into yours as he did.

You looked from your legs back up to his face and he met your gaze. Normally, you’d be the first one to break a silence like this, finding discomfort in the tension, but that night, you waited, wanting to see what Noah would do.

It took a long time for him to crack, but when he finally did, it was to ask you a question.

“Did you do what we talked about?”

You raised an eyebrow, challenging him to be more direct with his question.

“Masturbate?” The word held a slight choked sound, as if there’d been an obstacle in his throat trying to get it out.

You nodded.

“How was it?”

“It…was.”

And that was the truth. You’d made an attempt, but experienced a few difficulties. While you went into it with the intention of showing love to yourself without shame, getting rid of that shame was easier said than done.

For one, you couldn’t imagine yourself agreeing to have sex without feeling guilty, which forced you to jump through several mental hoops involving being restrained and forced in order to feel like you had any sort of plausible deniability you could use should God choose that moment to judge you.

However, in doing that, you felt extremely guilty for engaging in that fantasy, because any real victim of sexual assault would not be thinking about it that way, and should you really be romanticizing that kind of thing? You ended up heavily judging yourself before God even had a chance to judge you.

“I ran into some…difficulties.”

“Mentally or physically?” he asked, left thigh pressed up against your right.

“I think mental.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You sighed. “Yeah, kind of. But don’t judge me, okay?”

“If you pictured Isaac, I’m going to have to judge you.”

You shook your head. “I didn’t picture Isaac.”

“Good. Who did you picture?”

“Nobody,” you lied. “Just some nameless, faceless person.”

Up until that point, the conversation had flowed quickly like a game of table tennis, but the lie threw off the rhythm. Noah wasn’t satisfied. He allowed you to get away with it and didn’t press you on it, but now it was his turn for something.

He leaned forward, hands resuming their place on your knees, and looked at you as if he dared you to protest.

You didn’t.

“What difficulties did you have?”

You hesitated. He dug his thumbnail into your thigh.

“I had to imagine myself being forced.”

“Forced?” His hands stilled.

“Like tied up.”

His eyebrow quirked upward. His gaze dropped to where your hands rested in your lap. Sliding his hands up your legs, he encircled your wrists in his long fingers and turned them so they faced upwards, palms open to the sky as if in praise. He kept a tight hold while his eyes flicked briefly back up to meet yours.

Noah was playing a game of chicken. Seeing how far he could push you until you cracked.

“It’s a common fantasy,” he said, voice low and breathy. “Makes sense.”

“You don’t think it’s messed up?”

Noah rubbed his thumbs along the inside of your wrists, stopping every once in a while to apply pressure to different points. He stared at them while he spoke.

“I try not to judge myself for my fantasies. As long as there’s consent, there’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“You don’t think that it’s disrespectful to people who have been forced in real life?”

He sucked on the inside of his cheek and released it with a clicking sound before taking a deep breath. “Many survivors actually find healing through engaging in that kink.” 

“It’s hard to imagine myself consenting without the guilt creeping in.”

Noah nodded. “Understandable. You’ll give it when you’re ready.”

You closed your eyes and indulged in the pressure he put on your wrists. Your skin ignited under his touch, the same way it had when his fingers had brushed the back of your neck all those weeks ago. He trailed his fingers along your palms and your hands closed reflexively around them.

“Is that something you think you’d be into in real life?” he asked. You could hear the shuffling of movement, but didn’t open your eyes. Your fingers continued to dance together with his.

“Hard to say,” you said. “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

“What’s this?” he asked, finding the silver ring on your left ring finger.

“Promise ring,” you answered.

“Like an engagement ring?” he asked.

“A symbol of a promise to God to stay pure until marriage.” His hands stilled. “We all got one in school.”

Noah pinched the ring between his two fingers.

“Is that something you’re still committed to?”

“I don’t know,” you said. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”

You opened your eyes to look at Noah, who had vacated his chair and was now kneeling on the floor in front of you.

Holding eye contact, he began to slide the ring up your finger.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Just let me try something.” He removed the ring, sticking it in his back pocket for safe keeping. “How does that feel?”

“Light.”

The ring was soldi metal. It weighed heavy on your hand and the absence of it wasn’t unwelcome. This was the first time you’d taken it off since first receiving it. It was both taboo and invigorating.

“When did you make that promise?”

“When I was thirteen.”

“Before you even knew what sexuality was?”

You nodded.

“How cruel,” he said, dropping his hands back to your knees and prying them open so he could wedge his body between them. “Binding yourself to a promise you made before you even knew what you were promising.”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” you said, trying not to blush. Noah’s body between your legs was a brand new sensation that left you feeling like your entire lower half was engulfed flames.

His greedy hands migrated to the backs of your knees and he tugged you forward on the couch so your faces were mere inches apart. His breath ghosted across your neck.

Your composure began to crack, breath speeding up, and you hoped he couldn’t tell. Saliva pooled on your tongue. You found yourself unable to look anywhere but his bottom lip, wondering how it would taste. How it would feel between your teeth.

Noah had grown bolder with every move you let him get away with. Any moment, he’d move in for the kill.

“You don’t owe your body to anyone,” he said. “Not even to God.”

“God gave me this body,” you countered.

“Yeah. He did. It’s yours to take care of. Bodies have needs.”

“And you think you’re the one to meet those needs, Noah?”

His fingers clutched hungrily at your thighs. “I could be.”

His tongue poked out to wet his lips. He’d been building towards this conclusion the whole evening, and now it was time for him to make his move. Noah was going to kiss you.

Two things happened simultaneously. Noah tugged you closer, and in his movement, the shiny black horns on the top of his head caught the light and drew your eye to them.

Your gut clenched.

Not yet. 

“I should—,” you began a second too late. Noah’s mouth collided with your jaw, and as soon as it registered in his mind, he jumped back as if he’d been burned. “I should, um,” you cleared your throat, “go check on Ava. She’s never drank before. Wouldn’t want her doing anything she’d regret.”

He sat back on his heels, hand coming up to wipe at something on the back of his neck. “Yeah,” he said. “Of course.” His dejection was evident in his voice and the way he wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“See you Saturday?” you asked, standing up.

“Sure,” he said, blinking up at the ceiling. The defeated slump of his shoulders was what fully broke you. With one last look of apology, you unlocked the door and slipped out. Halfway across the yard, you heard a banging sound from the shed, as if something had been kicked.

You rushed inside to find Ava.

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[mybworlds]

CHAPTER 5

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

Masterlist

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... thank you for your support, if you like it pls leave a like/comment/reblog it, if you don't like it don't be rude and keep going. Please remember English is not my first language, so please be merciful!

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

Joel takes great care of you, prepares the fire, he carries you by the fire, he gives you his blanket although you don't want to, you finally manage to convince him to share it. It's a very large blanket that can wrap both of you. You feel good although the temperature is freezing outside.

"You are a really sweet person, why are you alone?" you ask him biting your lower lip feeling sorry you asked something so personal "Sorry. None of my business." you add with a sigh.

You watch him shaking his hands nervously. Maybe you made him uncomfortable and you're deeply sorry. You're okay with him, a lot, and so you feel sorry even more considering how he always made you comfortable. Except maybe the first time you met.

You stay silent, the only sound the crackling of the fire. Maybe neighter of you wants to break the silence. Or can.

"Actually, I was in love. A long time ago." he tells you "Her name was Jess, her name is Jess." he glances down at his hands holding in a nervous gesture.

"Where is she now?" you ask him genuinely curious.

He looks at you "She left."

"Why?"

He smiles "Are ya a snoop dogg, aren't ya?"

"Sorry, none of my business." you reply glancing down, but the truth is curiosity is killing you. You want to know, you want to know Joel, his true self, what's behind those dark eyes, over that face, you really want to know him.

You feel him smile "No, don' worry. She's a singer, a pop-country singer, she always wanted to travel, she didn' want to stay in the same place for more than a year or two. For a while, I was with her, but then-- it's over." he tells you watching the fire.

"Didn' you love her anymore?" you ask.

He looks at you "Love turns, with time it changes. Don't know if I wasn't in love with her anymore or if I was tired 'bout that life and I needed something else. Anyway, she left. Alone." he says glancing down "That's why, as I said, I wish you a non-tragic love that makes you happy. If that's the one and if that's what you want." he adds taking a look laden of words.

"Have you ever tried to have her back?" Maybe-- catching up?" you ask trying to silence that persistent little voice inside you that makes you eager to know the man next to you, the way he makes you feel so special and wanted.

"Sure. I reached out to her twice and we met halfway once and once again at my house." he takes a break "Make love to her, it was like nothing has changed and for a while our problems looked far or solvable, almost." he takes a break again barely squeezing his lips "Then, our problems started again which means we returned to our lives."

"And you like this life?" you ask without looking away from his face.

"You're just full of questions, aren't you?" he asks.

You glance down "It's just-- if I can help you, I'm glad."

"How'd you help an old guy like me?" he asks you amused.

You return his smile "You're not an old guy, Joel! I mean, you are much younger than many young people I know!" you say looking away and watching the fire.

"And how'd I be? How do ya see me?" he asks.

Your heart loses a beat. You don't want to say inappropriate or easily misunderstood words. You don't answer, delay on the answer, you bite your lower lip and then you answer "You're a good man, you've a good heart. Although, you do everything to keep others away, but I'll tell you more, you're no good."

"Really? Is this how you see me? As a good man?" he asks you "What if it's not my true self?" you swallow "If it's just a mask?"

"It's not." you reply "I met a lot of masks, Joel, and your is a true face. I wonder how much pain you had to endure to be so hard. On me, on the others-- on yourself." you say holding his gaze.

"You're a sweet kid, y'know." he says and only then you fulfill he's looking insistently your lips, what if...?

Oh, Gosh!

Your phone's buzzing. Once, twice, ten times. Only then you remember you turned on vibration, you look away unwillingly and unlock your phone finding several messages, among them at least a dozen are of your mother.

Some messages saying "Where are you?", "Why don't you answer when I call?", "Do I need to call the police?", "Pick up the phone or you are going nowhere for a month!"

"Oh, shit."

"What's wrong?" he asks noticing your concerned look.

"My mum, I've to call her." you answer dialing her number.

Your mum is really mad at you and when it happens, she calls you using your full name, then she starts to ask different questions, and none of them are good. She starts to say that she believed you were kidnapped or thrown somewhere and you once again tell her you're not a kid anymore, but rather an adult lady.

Your mother is really furious and she says she must be warned about where, when, how and with whom you want to plan an evening out. Then, she starts to ask where you are and with whom.

You lie, you can't tell you're with Joel in the woods, she'd make contact with the military! You’re at the home of one of the girls at a last minute sleepover, you say looking to Joel who raise both eyebrows with a puzzled and amused look. You have to look away or you'd tell the truth, knowing you.

Put her on the phone, she asks, but you tell her she's in the shower and you're choosing a movie to watch together later.

She believes you.

Or at least you hope so.

"So, I'd be a friend, a girl?! What would my name be?" he asks when the phone call is over, you're going to answer, but he adds smiling "Don' wanna know. I've told my parents lies too when I was younger, much younger!" he cries out making you smile.

Once again your phone vibrates, it's the chat with your friends.

"Sis, where r u?" it's Kristen, a very sweet and supportive friend, maybe she's the one who looks like you character and physically.

"R u with your hunk?" it's Helen, you blush turning toward Joel who looks at you with a smile, and luckily he doesn't read your chat.

"Which hunk?" it's Gina, your friend lover of the pleasures of sex.

"Today a man came to the bar and he started to ogle her!" Helen writes.

"OH MY GOD! I WANT A PICTURE OF HIM, I MUST GIVE AN OPINION!" Gina adds.

"For you, r they making things...?" asks Helen.

You decide to write something "Hello girls, I'm in a cabin in the woods. Yes, I'm with him. The hunk - as u call him - his name is Joel and he's a very sweet man."

"MAN?!?! HOW OLD IS HE???" it's Gina again.

"He's in his late 40s."

"U r soooooooo lucky!" Gina writes "Men of that age have sooo much experience, he will make u cum and have fun. Let him teach you something useful-- ;) Kids our age are so boring." you won't answer anymore, you lock the screen. You're purple, not red.

"What's up? You're all flush. Problems?" Joel asks.

"Have you ever had such an embarrassing group of friends that sometimes you want to pretend not to know?" you ask him without answering.

"Yes."

"Well, there are two of them, they made inappropriate comments." you say shaking your head.

"About whom?"

You feel stupid and now what do you say? About you?

Of course not.

"About me and my total inexperience of any kind." you answer feeling your cheeks blush and carefully avoiding his look.

You just told him you’re a virgin. Great!

"Forget 'bout your friends, now." he says "Brought you something, well for the both of us. Got it this morning and I put it to warm." he says showing two bags, he gives you one.

You open it curious and you see in the bag a croissant with honey, your favourite. You turn toward him giving him a kiss on the cheek and putting your hands on the back of his neck "Thank you."

You feel him smiling and kiss you on your forehead.

No one has ever done it before. Get a kiss on the forehead has always been the most beautiful gesture for you, even better than a kiss on the lips. For you it always meant protection, love, respect.

You close your eyes when you get this kiss, you back up an inch or two, finding yourselves at a small distance.

Will he kiss you? Or will you - even with all your inexperience - kiss him?

You watch every line, every curve, the look in his eyes, every little wrinkle and you find him irresistibly attractive. Life is really strange, you think again. It's a recurring thought now.

He doesn't kiss you neither do you. He smiles at you and invites you to eat, even if you’re not hungry anymore.

The rest of the evening you spend it by the fireplace sometimes giving you dumb looks, you sometimes tell him jokes - or what your friends say are jokes - and you see him holding back the smile sometimes and try to be serious, but his wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and lips betray him and you cannot help but laugh and drag him in a contagious laughter.

You're sure, you're fond of him.

You spent many hours together and in such a short time that makes you think your relationship is changing with certainty. Maybe it's too soon, maybe not, but the truth is everything is going too fast and you often don't even have time to focus on the situation.

He takes you to bed and he lays you on the blanket, "How's your knee doin'?" he asks you sitting on the bed next to you.

You smile at him "Less painful." you answer watching him.

"Good, so I go. 'night." he says getting up and moving away.

"Joel!"

He stops "Stay." you tell him surprise of your own request, he gives you a look "For sleeping." you clarify with a tone that had to be sure, but it's actually trembling and unsure.

He smiles at you soothing.

"Sure." he adds "I've a warm blanket for you too. We sleep with all our clothes on." he clarifies interpreting your fear about how you'd have slept.

You feel the bed to bend under his weight. On one hand you don't have the courage to turn your gaze to him, on the other hand you want to see him in the bed. At such a personal moment, you wonder how he is...

There's a flood outside, thunders echoing around the cabin, lightnings continuously illuminate the room. You close your eyes, but you can't sleep. You climb into your blanket, you can't sleep and not just because of the storm.

"You can't sleep, can you?" he asks you.

You turn toward him and you watch him lying on his back. His eyes are open and an arm under his head.

"No." you answer "Maybe it's because of the bed, I'm not used to sleeping in another bed except mine."

"Yes, maybe." he replies "Sure." he adds staring at the ceiling.

"What about you?" you ask watching him.

"Was thinking." he answers.

"'bout?"

"Your earlier question" you try to remember about this question that took away his sleep "if I like this life."

"Joel, I didn't mean to upset you, 'm sorry."

You see him smile "Babygirl, it's been years since I don't ask myself existential questions, then you came along and you turned everything upside down." he admits "I didn't believe that meet my bro' student would turn everything!"

"I'm..." you are not sure about what to say if you have to apologize or just listen to him.

"Thank you," he says "For being here with me, for knocking on that door, for not having left everything immediately. You brought a sweet wind into my life." he adds.

In a rush which surprises even you, you surround his chest with an arm and you lay your head close to his own on his pillow.

"You're sweet even in these reactions, little girl." he says turning his head toward your. You are once again forehead against forehead.

Your heart pounds, your eyes are shut, it's in that position that you fall asleep.

That night, that's the first night you've a dirty dream, you dream about kiss him and be kissed by him, you dream about his hands caresses your whole body, you dream to get lost in his eyes and let you go to his caresses.

When you wake up, you realize your breathing is short and sweating all over.

Joel seems not to have noticed anything, he sleeps peacefully. His face turned towards you, lips parted, his brown hair falls in disorder on the forehead, his wrinkles barely hinted, he's so peaceful and sweet while he sleeps, but you feel there's something he doesn't say that hurts him deeply.

You'd like to caress his face, but you can't. You don't want to disturb his sleep.

You smile before you realize you're all wet between your legs. You feel something you've never felt before: your most intimate part throbbing and clenching thinking about your dream. You never felt something like this before.

Your breath breaks, for the first time you wish someone would touch you and let you feel all those feelings that probably you should've already felt. You don't touch yourself, you wouldn’t know where to start and especially not with him so close. The thought he might wake up makes you shake while you're watching what's happening to you right now.

You breathe deeply through your mouth more and more times, trying to put that feeling away, that desire to be touched, not by anyone, by him, by the wonderful man lying next to you, Joel.

In the morning, you find yourself wrapped in your blanket and in an arm that holds you tightly to himself, you feel his strong grip and you can’t help but put your hand on his arm and hold you closer to him, feel that body so warm near your makes you feel so safe, but at the same time you feel out of place, vulnerable.

You get up gently moving his arm and you watch him turning on his back, lips parted and his face relaxed, you want to kiss him. Yes, for the first time you wish to kiss someone in your life. You have to. Your heart pounds, you look down and you think you’re going crazy to have such a desire. An unknown and strong desire is growing inside you.

However, you decide to regain control over your mind and body, you get up. You go in the bathroom and you wash your face with cold water and you think, when you're in town, to look for Jack.

You decide to go around the cabin, look at the many ornaments and then your look falls on the many photos: some photos portray those who are perhaps his parents, others portray two brothers in the mountains, to the lake on two kayaks - Joel has the oars raised and a triumphant expression on the face, Tommy a sad one, maybe they were having a race! - then other photos portray two children who you recognize as Joel and Tommy. Finally, you find two photos different from those of the family: a photo portrays a much younger Joel, maybe he was in his 25 or 30s, and a woman with olive skin and dark curly hair - maybe this woman was his wife!

You take the photo in your hands and you watch at the woman's face, she looks happy, she's beautiful. Then, your gaze falls on the man, on Joel, he's a different man than you know today, not just for his youth, above all his expression is sweet, peaceful, you'd dare to say adoring.

Another photo portrays an happy family at the beach: Joel is with a woman and a baby in the middle with arms pointing upwards and a huge smile on their faces.

"We were really happy that day." Joel says behind you making you jump and by instinct you hide the photo.

His gaze is dark, his hair a messy clump of dark curls, you don't think is angry, but for sure he's not happy to see you snooping through his stuff.

You open your mouth, you're going to apologize but then you change your mind and decide to ask him "What happened to you two? Really, I mean."

You dare, he could rail against you and throw yourself out of that cabin, but he doesn't.

You notice an inner battle on his face, you watch him uncertain if answer you or give you a vague answer, then he sighs loudly and pass his hand in his hair "Y' want to write romance novels, aren't ya?" you nodd "I hope you won't write about my story." you see him swallow "You'd write about a man who has everything and then everything breaks. There's no way to put the pieces together, many pieces miss that don’t match what’s left. End of it." he ends shrugging his shoulders with a bitter tone.

You put the photo down "One day maybe if you want, you can tell me what destroyed everything." you say head down "I'll get the phone, then when you want, we can go."

You overcome him, well you're going to, but he locks you for your wrist "Wait."

You look him in the face and only then he looks up at you, at your eyes "You're exasperating, you're intriguing, you sometimes talk too much, this sweetness of yours sometimes gives on my nerves." he says leaving you speechless, you don't know how to feel about it "but you are the only one I brought here after... and I never shared this place with anyone if not with the people important to me and you, little girl, you got in my heart so fast that---" his voice cracks "I hope I never lose you." he adds.

Those words surprise you.

You feel the same way about him, but you didn't believe he felt the same way. You thought it was a your impression, but it's not.

Your heart pounds. You don't know what his - or your - next move will be, if he goes further or if he will address you only other words of thanks. These events almost shock you.

He grabs gently your face with both hands sticking his fingers in your hair and he gets close to you carefully, he kisses your forehead in another very sweet gesture and you, once again, close your eyes laying your hands on his.

You take a deep breath feeling the scent of his skin and you're almost enchanted, you just squeeze more grip on his warm big hands, he puts his forehead against your and for a moment you find yourself thinking about what it would be like if you could be with him, love him, be loved by him, protected by a man like him. But then, the reason prevails and makes you think that surely a man like him doesn't need an insecure girl, but a strong woman who knows what she wants, just like his ex.

"Please, take me home." you ask squeezing your eyes and holding your breath. if you hadn’t made this request maybe he would have kissed you, but you don't want. Well, it’s not that you don’t want to be kissed by him, you just think you'd feel inadequate around him.

"As you wish." he says by taking his face away from your and then Joel moves away to open the window and look at the sky.

Luckily for you, the sun is up and the birds are chirping.

Part of you started breathing normally again, the other has the feeling that something - well, someone - sucked the air out of your lungs. Your heart beats fast, but why do you always have to complicate things?

Since he dropped you off, you didn't look for him nor for your guitar lessons nor for other reasons. You need to put some space between the two of you, maybe your bond is tightening too much and too fast.

You looked for Jack, from the beginning he was happy to see you, he was very friendly and affectionate. Indeed, he told you he almost didn’t hope to see or hear you again, he says he was almost jelous of your music teacher because he could see you almost every day. You, of course, didn’t tell him about the strange relationship you've with Joel.

You don't think it's necessary, there's nothing to tell!

He invites you to go to a nearby town to have breakfast together, to chit-chat and get to know you better. You immediately accept, you want to know him, but above all remove the thought of Joel as soon as you can from your head first and your heart then.

Jack tells you about his family, his hobbies, he tells he has got a dog - Lex - a wonderful white Labrador - is 3 years almost and he loves her with all his heart and every time she sees him wagging his happy tail, you smile with him. Often. You speak a lot, even about little things, your everyday life, you tell him about your mother and your job. It's easy talk to him, it's easy as breathing. There's a chemistry from the jump. He's sweet, he's caring, any girl would have been fascinated and would have fallen in love. Time flies between a chat and another.

But in a remote corner of your head, Joel, his eyes, his strong scent flowing almost in you and you know that's not good, but you can't help but thinking about him, especially when you and Jack speak about music, your jobs, about your families.

Your smile never fades from your face when you're with him, when Jack rides you home, he gives you a little kiss on your cheek and he says "I had a great time with you. Can I have a second date?" he says so softy that it's impossible for you to refuse. And besides, you don't want to. After all you have been good together.

Slowly you climb the stairs rethinking about the afternoon just gone, you think about Jack's eyes and then you goes to Joel's sweet and reassuring eyes and the way his eyes become two dark pools when he's gloomy. You sigh, Jack can’t fade the Miller.

You put the key in the lock and you come in your house, you take off your scarf and coat, your boots and you wear your slippers, then you go to the kitchen, but you freeze on the door---

[lavenderlambie]

Introduction

Hello! Hello! I am alter in a Polyfrag Traumagenic System. I am 1 of main hosts! I go by Lambie but Clyde is fine as well! This is my blog!

I am alter who needs lots of help. I am semi-verbal currently the few past months and somewhat year but don't remember exactly. Other alters usually speak for me or 'add' to what I make of my voice. Voice is quiet, weak, and stutters badly when attempt. Am starting use AAC more! Would like advice how organize AAC and such. I use Speech Assistant as starting AAC app.

I use this blog to talk about disabilities n disorders [DID, CFS, Autism, Tourettes, & NPD], I enjoy answer the questions as well! I also use this blog talk bout interests and such!! I enjoy Puppets [Welcome Home, My Friendly Neighborhood, Muppets, Sesame Street], Horror [Movie n Games], Sonic + Sonic.exe [And creepypasta overall], Mickey n Oswald, & Plushies!

I draw and writes! Though writing takes lots of energy, I put lots of energy in long text posts so can be understandable though hurts lots.

I age regress lots, so will share art of agere and have reblogs of it! While on agere topic, I will discuss of diapers [Even incontinence, as it affects me heavily]. Please do not judge that.

I identify with lambs and plushies lots! Always looks like one in headspace even with how much appearance constantly changes. I identify with otherkin terms and similar.

I aspire be game developer n content creator! N gets helps with all my needs as disabled person.

DNI

DNI: Usual Bigots, Ableists, Pro-Ship, Rad-Queer, Kink + NSFW, Narc Abuse Truthers, + Anti-Agere / Petre

Credits 2 @local-leon 4 dni banner! He is very kind caregiver. He takes requests 4 banners n moodboards! <3

[kinnie-quarium]

@stephenbrowning requested a moodboard for Jean Pierre Polnareff with themes of missing their friends, cats and just being dumb and full of love.

I hope this is what you wanted, let me know if theres anything I can fix or change.

-Helper Giorno

[eternally-writing]

backstage business | jjk

genre: smut and fluff

rating: R (18+, minors dni!!!)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: idol!au, bighit worker! reader

word count: 2.0k

warnings: swearing, unprotected sex (practice safe sex!!), sorta exhibitionism, orgasm denial, cunnilingus, oral rex (f receiving),  dirty talk, creampie, brief gagging kinda 

synopsis: Working as a stylist for Bighit meant that sometimes you could give a little extra attention to Jungkook. 

Banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

“Y/N-shi, can you help me with these buttons on my shirt”

The voice calling out to you from behind a dressing room door tore you away from fixing Taehyung’s tie and off to him. Talking to some of the other stylists, you snuck away to tend to your job.

As you opened that dressing room door, you immediately felt yourself get pulled in and pressed against a broad chest.

“Jeez, mmph, someone’s eager. Hello to you too Jeon” 

You could immediately feel his wet, hot lips attacking any of your exposed skin, and you could secretly hear Jungkook murmuring to the heavens, thanking them for making you wear and off the shoulder top to work today. 

“I missed you so much bub, couldn’t keep my eyes off of you all morning”,” Jungkook breathed to you in between kisses, barely taking long enough breaks in order to get a whole sentence out.

“Oh really? How much” 

Jungkook looked up at you and grinned, his eyes darkening with a sinful glance in them. 

“Let me show you love”

He immediately started unbuttoning your blouse, sliding his hands down to cup your chest. The feeling of Jungkook’s hands on your chest was something that you would never get enough of. As his mouth attached to your nipple, you couldn’t hold back your moans. Jungkook was lapping at your chest like he hadn’t eaten anything all day (truth was, he hadn’t) and he was absolutely enchanted by the way your body reacted to his tongue. 

“Shh, babygirl, everyone’s right outside that door trying to get ready. Do you want them to know how much of a slut you are?”

Truth was, a part of you really did, but alas, you needed your job so silent quickies with Jungkook in dressing rooms would have to do. 

“M-. more kook, I need more of you” 

Feeling like teasing you, Jungkook slowly trailed his hands over your body. 

“More of me here?” he innocently inquired as he began by reaching up to move your hair behind your ear. 

Your breaths became irregular with his touch, but both of you knew that was not what you had in mind, 

Trailing his hands down, he brought them to your waist, squeezing the supple flesh there tenderly. “Here?” 

You shook your head, growing impatient with need. 

His hands then landed on your thighs, rubbing them ever so slowly while gazing at you with a sultry look. 

Unable to take it anymore, you took his hand and hastily brought it to cup your pussy. Immediately groaning in relief, you started to grind down onto his open palm and let your juices coat his skin. 

“So wet just for me? What a dirty girl. I bet you’re already wet enough that I could just do this”

Without any warning, Jungkook plunged one finger into your core, the feelings sending shockwaves throughout your system. The raw scream that arose from your chest was loud enough to make the mirrors on the wall shake. 

Jungkook tsked you at your eagerness and cocked his head to the side. 

“If you can’t keep quiet babygirl, i’m going to have to shut you up myself. You’re gonna by good for me right baby? Gonna be my good girl?” 

You nodded feverishly at Jungkook’s words, but there was no way you could stop the sounds of pleasure from escaping you.

You thought Jungkook would keep his lips on yours to keep you quiet, but instead, you felt his mouth under your skirt, gripping your thong between his teeth and pulling it down your legs. 

Taking a moment to appreciate how your panties were absolutely soaked, Jungkook felt a moan slip through his lips. 

“You remember your safeword right?” 

You nodded. 

“Say it back to me babygirl.”

You spoke confidently, with an air of excited in your  voice. “Pizza”

“Tap me twice if you can’t talk okay?”

Now accepting your nod as a response, Jungkook stuffed your panties into your face, allowing you to taste your wetness on your own tongue as he moved back down to your core. 

Plunging his finger back into your core, your groans were now successfully muffled on your own thong, but nothing could hide the way your body writhed under Jungkook’s ministrations. 

He then switched his tongue attacking your sex, then bringing his hand to your clit, rubbing in circles. 

“S-so, fffucking, gooood, kook” you moaned, the words still decipherable to Jungkook’s ears though your barricaded mouth. 

His tongue dipping deep into your core, Jungkook was devouring every last bit of essence in you. His mouth was buried into your cunt, his nose even brushing against your cunt to add extra pleasure. 

As much as Jungkook knew he needed to keep you quiet, the sound of your moans was the most beautiful sound on his ears, and he would do anything to hear it. 

“Need to hear you babygirl, I miss your moans already”

Taking the cloth out of your mouth, Jungkook placed you up on the sink and bunched your skirt up, allowing him perfect access to your dripping cunt. Enjoying the newfound freedom, you couldn’t stop yourself from whispering out praises for Jungkook. 

“I’m so c-close Kookie, don’t stop please, don-, don’t stop”

But then he did stop. 

Thinking only with your pussy and not with your brain, you were about to start berating Jungkook for stopping you from reaching your high, but before you could get the words out Jungkook beat you to the case. 

“Want you to cum around my cock babe, I need to feel you right now” 

You started to fumble with the same buttons that you had to come in here to undo, wanting to feel Jungkook’s skin on yours. 

As Jungkook’s cock was released from his pants, you whined as you saw the way his perfect cock was leaking with precum, the tip red and swollen and ready to be inside you.

Pressing a passionate kiss against your tips, Jungkook began to tap his cock against your clit, teasing you by rubbing the head on your pussy.

“Ready for this, babygirl,” he taunted you with a smirk on his face. 

You definitely were not above beginning, and you knew that was exactly what he wanted. 

“Please. Please Jungkook, I need you so bad. I’ll do anything for your cock right now.”

As your praises for Jungkook fell from your slips, you could feel his cock twitch at your entrance. 

Without warning, Jungkook began to slide into you, feeling his cock stretching around your pussy. 

“Ohh fuck, I love your pussy Y/N,” moaned out Jungkook in pure ecstacy

“It’s all yours Jungkook. I’m all yours” 

You clenched your pussy in pleasure, bringing Jungkook along with you as his mouth formed a perfect o-shape. His thrusts then became even faster and stronger as he buried himself deep enough into you to have his pubic bone meet your clit with every thrust. 

“Shit baby, this pussy is all mine. Gonna make a mess in this pussy”

You moaned at Jungkook’s words, both of you too wrapped up in pleasure to even remember that the rest of BTS and their crew were on the other side of a very thin door. You could feel Jungkook’s thrusts start to get sloppier as he then buried himself to the hilt inside of you, releasing ropes of his cum into you with a groan. 

“Sooo fucking good Y/N, oh my fuck”

Realizing that you hadn’t cum yet, Jungkook took his hand to your clit, rubbing in circles just the way you liked it to bring you to your edge. Soon you were also a writhing, moaning mess on top of the dressing room sink, and you could feel yourself begin to lose control of your body. As your organsm washed over you, Jungkook kept pounding into you, letting you ride out your high on his cock. 

Coming to your senses, you hopped off the sink. Before you could get to putting your clothes back on, you felt Jungkook’s cum running down your thighs, in a way that was way too obvious so you wouldn’t be able to go outside looking like that. Staring up at Jungkook with your eyes as wide as saucers, you were met with his doe eyes, which were contrasted by the smirk painting his lips.

“Looks like I have to clean you up then baby”

Jungkook then dipped down to lap at your cunt again, cleaning up the lines of cum painting your things softly. Placing soft kisses on your thighs, Jungkook kept murmuring sweet nothings right into your equally sweet core. 

Hearing the hustle and bustle of outside picking up made you realize that you had probably spent way too long in here apparently “trying to button up Jungkook’s shirt”. 

As you were buttoning up your own shirt and pushing down your skirt, you felt Jungkook’s eyes on you. 

“My panties, Kook, please?”

Instead of handing them to you, you caught him stuffing them into his pocket. 

“I’m taking them as a little reward for me princess, that’s okay right?”

And looking at those doe eyes, how could you ever say no. 

Peppering kisses all over your face as a thank you, Jungkook began outting on his clothes as well as he couldn’t wipe a stupidly bright after-sex grin off of his face.

Before you walked out the door, you took one last look back at Jungkook, who looked absolutely spent from your rendezvous. 

“Next time, say you need help tightening your corset or something Kook, it’ll buy us more time,” you mentioned with one last wink before you sauntered away.

--♡--

The set of today’s shoot erupted in cheers and thank you’s as the director called cut on the last scene of the day. You were thankful the shoot was over; your feet ached from running around organizing clothes all day, and the wetness between your legs had only increased as you watched Jungkook looking so sexy as he performed. You wanted nothing more than to be in Jungkook’s arms again as you started to clean up the set alongside the other stylists. The boys being the respectful men they were, would always come by individually to thank everyone, even when they had been filming since 4am and hadn’t even had a chance to eat lunch yet. 

When Jungkook came over to you, he tried to give you a platonic hug in an effort to conceal your secret hook ups from the boys and your co-workers. He couldn’t stop himself from whispering in your ear. 

“Thank you for the gift today Y/N, this shoot was a lot of fun thanks to you”

To any onlooker his words would have seemed completely normal, but only to you and Jungkook did you understand the true meaning of his sentiments. 

Passing him off with a pat on the back, you then became face to face with Jimin. 

Instead of the regular thank you’s you’d received from the other members, he instead leaned in to whisper in your ear. 

“Could you be a little quieter next time you fuck our maknae? Next time we won’t even be able to film a bangtan bomb outside while you guys are going at it like rabbits in there.” 

You couldn’t hide the way your jaw (and Jungkook’s) dropped at his words. Unable to speak, he carried on.

“I’m just joking with you though. Keep doing what you’re doing Y/N, it looks like you make our maknae really happy” 

In a slight look of shame, you cowered into Jungkook’s chest, while he laughed loudly at the situation.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you liked this please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

[karimac]

...in the details, Part 8

A/N: Warning for this series: 18+ audience (minors DNI), some cinematic level violence, some fluff and angst. Doubt that smut will be involved, but it may be implied. I’ll make sure that is noted clearly if it pops up.

All relationships, at this point in the story, are platonic, but there is romance in the cards for Kari and Bucky.

Please do not repost or translate my work. Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

Taglist is now open! Please send an ask, and I will gladly add you to the list. If I have added you and you do not wish to be on the list, please let me know, and I'll take you off the list.

Word count: 3.8k, give or take a word

And yes, those Ninjago figures are mine. I have a soft spot for the LEGO franchise.

Masterlist

Recap: At the end of Part 7, Sam and Bucky had just retrieved the shield from John Walker. This is what happened directly after that. The trip to Delcroix, LA gets a bit delayed…

“Yo, Ms. Magic! We need your help!” Darcy replied when you asked Wong what he wanted in the first place, and she pushed past the Sorcerer Supreme and found herself on the streets of Riga, Latvia. The magic used to make the portal didn’t seem to phase her one bit. “Do I have time to go get some local snacks, or is that a bad idea? I do have my passport.”

You looked at Sam and Bucky and shook your head, then you decided to get Sarah on FaceTime instead of via text. “This is getting too damned confusing!” you yelled just as Sarah’s face came into view.

“Of course you let my sister see me like this,” Sam grumbled as he tucked the shield under his arm.

“Eight brothers, remember?” you groaned as you turned the phone back in your direction. “Sarah, I will get down to Delacroix as fast as I can, but I have to take care of something first. You’re outside, right?”

“Tree behind me, so yeah, I’m outside,” Sarah noted as two small green portals opened—one in Riga, and one in Delacroix. You whistled, and suddenly a crow came flying down from one of the trees near where you were standing.

“That’s a good girl,” you said as you reached in your belt pouch with your left hand as the crow landed on your right arm. You placed a tiny treat in the crow’s beak before showing her to everyone in Riga, the group inside Wong’s portal and to Sarah. “This is Stardust, one of the blessed members of my corax. I’m sending her to Delacroix until I get there. If something is amiss, she will let me know and call on the rest of the corax to defend you.”

“Crows?” Sam asked as he shook his head.

“Remember Baltimore?” you asked as you let Stardust fly through the portal, and you watched the crow land in the tree behind Sarah. “Stardust can summon an army of crows and ravens. I am not unfamiliar with St. Bernard Parish, Sam, even if I last saw it a very long time ago. Now, I better go before Dr. Lewis decides to go sightseeing and makes Wong worry too much again,” you said as you quickly stopped next to Darcy just outside the portal.

You had not noticed the two people standing beside Bruce until now. They were not familiar, but the item they possessed certainly was. That was not necessarily a good thing.

“Kari, what’s wrong?” were the only words Bucky got out of his mouth as ten rings flew out of the male newcomer’s backpack and onto your forearms. They started to glow a brilliant green as you lifted off the ground.

“Is she supposed to be doing that? And why are they all green now?” the female newcomer asked her companion as Bruce stepped through the portal. Bruce was no longer Hulked out, but his arm was still in a sling.

“Kari, these are Shang-Chi and Katy,” Banner started to say as he continued to step forward. “They’re on our side.”

“I had to be sure,” you said as you started to lower yourself to the ground, the rings still glowing on your arms. “I fought your father, Shang-Chi. A very long time ago. It was not an experience I want to relive any time soon. I’m sorry for your loss. The rings…they told me what happened. I can read events off most mystic weaponry. And books. Not like Willow on Buffy sucking up the ink, but close enough.”

Bucky and Sam stepped back a bit as you landed, and you took a deep breath before letting the rings return to their rightful owner. “Give me a minute, guys,” you said to the group around Bruce before turning back to your partners. “Sam, I will haul ass to Delacroix as soon as I help Bruce and Wong with those rings. I’ll fill you in then, but…”

You placed one hand on each man’s shoulder and proceeded to heal them of their wounds from the fight with Walker. It hurt like a bitch, but it needed to be done. “Stay safe, and don’t drive each other or Sarah crazy. Please. And before you flip out, I did tell you I can do a lot of things I don’t talk about. If it’s a mystic weapon, I can usually wield it or at the very least pick up a bit of history by touching it. Mjolnir might be the biggest exception, but then again, I’ve never tried to lift it. Never needed to.”

“You can barely stand,” Bucky said as he gave you this very weird look. It had to be that screwy link Wanda set into motion rearing its ugly head again. “Why did you do that?”

“You know, you weren’t supposed to notice that. The barely standing part, I mean,” you chuckled as you leaned your head closer to Bucky’s. “Figures you would. And heal you two? You can’t do what you need to do if you are sitting in adjoining hospital beds,” you said as you winced a bit. “I’m not healing at top speed, but I’ll be OK. Now, I better go see what’s going on with those rings. You do not want to be on the receiving end of an energy blast from those. Trust me.”

Your footing slipped as you let go of both Sam and Bucky, and you prayed no one was going to make a stupid fuss about it. “So, Darcy, what else did I miss?”

“I knew you’d be able to use those rings!” Darcy said with a huge grin as she held out her hand to Wong. “That will be five bucks, please! Girl power for the win!”

“You bet on Kari being able to do that?” Sam asked as he held the shield a little bit closer, but then he looked down at it and saw the blood was gone. “Son of a gun…” he added as he showed the now-clean shield to Bucky.

“You two be good,” you said with a laugh as you got closer to Bruce and Wong. {{I’m faking it. Those two were in worse shape than I let on. I don’t want them seeing me buckle, or they will never head out}} you said telepathically to Wong as you more or less propelled yourself into the portal and fell to your knees as it closed behind all of you. “Walker nearly took both of them out. He damned near electrocuted Bucky, and he tried to take off Sam’s head at one point. If I see him again, he and I will have words…”

“I take it that’s bad?” Katy asked Darcy as both women moved to one of the tables inside the Stark lab. “The having words part. The rest sounded horrible.”

“She doesn’t mean Chandrasekhar limit or interferometry, Katy,” Darcy replied as she went to grab a med kit to hand to Bruce. “Sorry. Astrophysics speak. More like, ‘I’ll turn you into a toad for hurting my friends, you swamp rat.’ Like that.”

“For the record, I have never turned anyone into a toad,” you said with a gasp as Wong helped you get up onto Bruce’s exam table. “You know, on second thought, I might have tried it on Zemo or Walker. Walker got the last vial of Super Soldier serum, so everything is a mess.”

“No funny business until we get you healed,” Wong said as he shook his head. “Strange gives me enough grief, you know.”

You grunted as Bruce stood back and watched Wong use a spell to hasten your natural healing abilities. “Why didn’t you just go help them instead of doing this healing thing?” Banner asked as your superficial wounds started to close up first. “Wouldn’t it have been easier?”

“Easier? Sure. Would it have helped those two work out their problems that center around that shield? Not in the least. They need to sit down and talk. I’m hoping they will down in Delacroix. Now, how did you find our new recruits here?”

“That would be on me,” Wong said as Shang-Chi and Katy came closer to the exam table. “I brought them here from San Francisco. How do you know Shang-Chi’s father?”

“I fought in an army that went up against the Ten Rings several hundred years ago. Getting blasted by those rings is not something I want to experience again in my lifetime. Slammed me into a cliff wall. Took me weeks to fully heal.”

“So, do you know about Ta Lo?” Shang-Chi asked as he set down the backpack that held the rings.

“Never been there, but I hear it is beautiful,” you replied as you started to flex your fingers and wiggle your toes in your boots. “My people tend to hold Tír na nÓg in the same regard you hold Ta Lo, I guess. A land of beauty and mystery beheld by only a few worthy souls. So, what exactly do you need me for, Wong? Bruce?”

“Carol had no idea where these came from, and you were actually close enough to bring here to test them out. She’s….” Bruce started to say, but all you did was laugh as you reached up and patted him on his good shoulder.

“Busy? Yeah, that’s Carol. Gave the speech about you calling her? I don’t even have her number,” you answered as Bruce was now the one chuckling. “Let me pull out my phone,” you said as you held it up and let Shang-Chi and Katy see your number. “Now, if you’d like to text me your contact info, I’ll gladly keep in touch unless I am fighting in The Rift again. We get no phone signals there,” you said as both Katy and Shang-Chi sent you their details. “Thanks. And if you are staying in New York, you are more than welcome to crash at my place in Brooklyn. And I own a bakery café in Manhattan, and Avengers always get free food. I’ll make sure my managers are notified.”

“Hey! What about astrophysicists?” Darcy yelped as she waved her phone in front of her face.

“Of course you are on the list!” you said with a grin as you tried to bite back the pain of the next injury that started to heal. “Darcy, bubbala. How could we not have you on the list? And you know you can crash at my place anytime. I owe you for your help in Westview.”

“At least you sound better,” Bruce noted as he ran a scan to see how you were healing. “I would get Dr. Cho here, but she’s at a conference in Madrid.”

“I’ll be fine, Bruce. Now, what do you want to know about the rings? No one I know seemed to have a clue about their origin, and I mean that going back a long time. If I may…”

You opened one of your pocket dimension “holes” and pulled out a book that looked almost as old as you felt. “My friend Devnet used to chronicle things from our adventures. This book has all sorts of info on the weapons we came across. Here, you can borrow it for as long as you need, guys. The text appears in any language you need it to be in, so you should have no trouble.”

“That’s freaky,” Katy said as she picked up the book and the text changed to Mandarin. “What are you, exactly? Are you like Shaun’s dad?”

Your eyes flicked up at the use of Shaun, but then you realized Katy meant Shang-Chi. “No. I’m the avatar for the Celtic battle goddess The Morrigan. I have been since I was born 1,500 years ago. I know. It makes no sense.”

“It makes as much sense as a forest that tried to kill us and a soul sucking monster that almost destroyed Ta Lo,” Shang-Chi replied as you nodded to him.

“So, to get to the real nitty gritty,” Darcy said as she picked up the book Katy had been looking at, “you and the Buckster?”

“Are friends. Teammates. That’s all,” you groaned as you were suddenly very glad Bucky and Sam were not there.

“And that little head leaning thing?” Darcy asked as you held your head in your hands.

“Since when did you get a degree in reading body language?” you chuckled as Wong’s spell finally finished healing your most minor injuries. The general feeling of ick would take time to go away as the bigger wounds started to resolve themselves. “I didn’t want him freaking out. He’s going to deal with getting Zemo to the Wakandans, and Sam is going home to check on his sister Sarah and her boys. I was supposed to go to Delacroix first to help out there, so that is going to be my next stop. And I am guessing Bucky will join Sam as soon as he gets Zemo sorted. Frankly, I haven’t been to Louisiana since the early 1900s, and I could use some time down there.”

“With Bucky,” Darcy said under her breath before looking innocently up to the ceiling.

“He is still trying to get his own life sorted. He doesn’t need me butting into what he needs to do…”

“You mean that thing with the therapist we interrupted earlier?” Bruce asked as he kept running scans on you.

“Trust me, Bucky was likely very happy when that session ended,” you said quietly as you thought about what exactly John Walker had done when he had Bucky’s sessions ended on his word alone. “Oh shite.”

“Wha…” Katy started to say as she looked over at you and then stepped back. “Wings? Now you sprout wings?”

“New to me, too,” Darcy noted as she looked at the scan readout as Bruce started muttering under his breath. “And that can’t be good.”

“Kari, I think you better calm down,” Bruce said as he put one hand on your shoulder. “What upset you?”

“Why did Walker have Buck’s session ended? To be nice? Or to get him in trouble later on? Sorry about the wings. Old habits…” you said as you calmed yourself and pulled them back, the flourish of smoke and strands of darkness causing even Wong to gasp. “You’ve seen me do that before, Wong. You too, Bruce. Why the surprise now?”

“The last time you did that you went after Ebony Maw and Proxima Midnight. You did look pretty damned terrifying in that fight, Kari,” Bruce said as he stepped back, all the while keeping one eye on your scans.

“We all did,” you sighed as you hopped off the exam table. “Part of the job, I guess. Now, be honest, those rings are not the only reason you wanted me here. Did you find something in Tony’s files about me?”

“No, this was solely about the rings,” Wong replied as he motioned for Shang-Chi to come over with his bag. “So, what do you know about them?”

“Other than the light they emit depending on the person wielding them? Not bloody much. The energy signature is not anything from this world. They may be extraterrestrial, or they may come from another reality entirely. I have never encountered anything like them. They give the bearer a form of immortality, but I have no clue how it works. Is there anyone in Ta Lo who might be able to tell you more about them, Shang-Chi?”

“My aunt, maybe. Some of the village elders,” he said as he sat down and looked back at Katy. “There might be records in my father’s things in his compound. I’ll see if my sister found anything.”

“She’s been busy,” Katy said with a weird look on her face. “She runs a fight club in Macau. And now, well, she may be running the Ten Rings. I know. It sounds weird. My Mom would love her. Classic super-achiever.”

“Oh,” was the only word you got out of your mouth as you silently prayed Shang-Chi’s sister was not actually going to run the ancient group of assassins going forward. “Not weird so much as extremely complicated.” You looked at Bruce and Wong and had the haunting feeling that little nugget of information would bite you all on the ass one day.

“And…” Bruce started to say as there was a crash near the entrance to the lab. “Hello?”

“I am so sorry,” Peter Parker said as he walked in with Ned Leeds. “We wanted to help. Hey everyone. Whoa, what happened to you, Kari?”

“Tried to keep a couple of our teammates from getting too injured in a fight,” you replied as you winced, suddenly noticing Ned staring with his mouth wide open. “Ned, you OK?”

“You remembered my name,” the high schooler replied as you giggled a bit. “I mean, you really remembered my name.”

“Of course I did. I even have that minifigure you gave me,” you said as you pulled a small LEGO figure from your pouch. “Nya from Ninjago. Master of the elemental power of water. Great inventor. Brave. Loyal. One of my good luck charms, guys. I even got her boyfriend,” you noted as you pulled the figure of Jay, master of lightning, from the bag as well. “I can use all the luck I can get some days!”

“So, what did we walk in on?” Peter asked as he finally dropped his backpack on a chair and looked at your scans with Bruce. “Where are Sam and Bucky?”

“Tying up loose ends and trying to find some new leads, guys. Which is what I will be doing once things are wrapped up here. Unless you want me to go through the archives while I’m here, Bruce? I have no idea what Tony had in his records, but I’m sure some of it pertains to me. I know I scared him a lot at the end.”

“Not as much as you think,” Bruce noted as he set down his tablet. “But that talk can wait for another day. Peter, Ned…what are you doing?”

By now Ned was tapping away at a computer console at one of the desks, and soon your file was popping up on holoscreens around the lab. “Uhm, I didn’t mean to do that. I was looking at your scans. And I probably shouldn’t have been doing that either, but I’m the guy in the chair for Spider-Man, so…” he added as he motioned to the place he was sitting.

The questions started to fly after that. Keeping track of who asked what seemed a bit ridiculous at this point, so you didn't even try.

“You fought Rasputin?”

“What was Howard Stark really like?”

“What do you mean you don’t like chili dogs?”

“Who is Scáthach anyway?”

“Are there really Nephilim warriors running around?”

“What exactly is The Rift, and why can’t we go there?”

“You had a brother who was a vampire?”

“Hey!” you shouted as you banged your hand on one of the desks. “Could you all slow down please? Now…”

You took a deep breath as you tried to answer all the questions thrown at you.

“Yes, I was involved in one of the initial attempts to kill Rasputin. The bastard was hard to kill, but I was not involved in his final demise. We tried poison. He shrugged it off like water.”

This was going to take longer than you had hoped, but you pressed on anyway.

“Howard Stark was brilliant and funny, but the loss of Steve Rogers broke his spirit in many ways. That is one reason he and Peggy went on to form SHIELD. They were both trying to fill holes in their lives and honor someone who meant the world to them. Same as me with both Steve and Bucky back then.”

Then the thought of chili dogs started to make you hungry, so the first thing you planned to do in Delacroix was find food ASAP.

“I love chili, but I am not a fan of putting it on hot dogs. Not really that big a deal, right? Not a fan of sauerkraut either. Just a personal preference. Like Wong’s love of tuna melts. For the record, I like relish, yellow mustard and ketchup on my franks.”

And the history question up next brought back many memories of your teenage years.

“Now, Scáthach was a Scottish warrior, a dear friend and one of my trainers way, way, way back in the day. She usually only trained men. She made an exception in my case. My mamo, my grandmother that is, Siofra pulled a lot of strings to get her as my trainer. My mother Kennis hated the idea. Mama and Mamo did not see eye to eye very often.”

Next you had to deal with the War Host of Heaven and their earthly children. This was going to get weird fast.

“As the literal children of Heaven, Nephilim warriors travel in the shadows, and you would more than likely see them fighting demons than walking amongst us. As for The Rift, yes, I have worked with them there. Unless you are blessed for battle, a mortal cannot enter The Rift. Asgardians can fight there, though, so yes, I fought at Thor and Loki’s side there. It is the space between worlds. Think of it as the buffer zone between here and another, not so pleasant dimension.”

And finally you got to your brother, the best dancer of your clan and the one who always knew how to lift your spirits.

“My brother Ewan was turned in the early 1800s by a Norse vampire named Alrik. Ewan was the second youngest of my brothers. He was able to transform himself into emerald mist instead of a bat. That was his element of surprise. He was staked during a battle in The Rift. Goddess, I miss seeing him here. I miss all my siblings. Now, with all that out of the way…”

You walked over to Ned’s seat and looked over his shoulder. “Ned, it was an accident. Don’t worry about it. But next time, ask Dr. Banner before you start tapping keypads, OK?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Ned replied, but you quickly put your hand on his shoulder.

“Kari is fine,” you said as you started to transform your uniform to something a bit more common for the likes of Delacroix. “Bruce, Wong, I better scoot,” you said as you started to open a portal away from everyone else. “Katy, Shang-Chi, I'll be in touch as soon as this mess with the Flag Smashers is finished. I am a text or call away for any of you. I promise. Sam was worried that those Flag Smasher operatives might go after his sister and nephews. I can’t let them be in the line of fire, and I know Sam might not get down there too fast. He’s likely getting a lift from the Air Force, and we all know portals are faster,” you said as you stepped through onto the green grass outside the Wilson house in Delacroix.

As the portal started to close, you didn’t pay much attention to what was going on in the lab anymore, but you did hear one question that made you freeze for a moment.

You glanced back to see Peter and Ned looking at a hologram, and then the words left Peter’s mouth as the portal closed.

“Who is Cailleach?”

Taglist: @historygeekfics, @arrthurpendragon, @starryeyes2000, @mishkatelwarriorgoddess

[nikikyuuun]

hi idr if you remember my ask from a while ago, but im the anon that mentioned jun coming home whenever youre pulling for someone else. anyways you’ll never guess what happened when i tried to pull for hiyoris new 5* 😐 i am one copy away from getting juns hyena homescreen outfit recolour istg this mf needs to leave me ALONE !! i should just put his name in my dni or smthing cuz maybe then i’ll finally get a different eden 5* /j

// btw can i assign myself as ✨ anon since ive also sent another ask before this as well (abt jun fake dating for publicity) i think i should start signing off from now on lolol

hiii hello yes i remember u!!! omg NOOOOO IM SO SORRY...... i think u'll need a restraining order at this point but at least u almost have his scr ... ? it... squints... looks a little better to me colour wise than the base at least 😭

it'a ok i didn't get anything good from this banner either ..... literally Just A 4* Hokke head in hands BUT!!!!! THE BANNER JUST STARTED I BELIEVE IN U ‼‼ manifesting manifesting

also yes ofc ofc :D!! i'll add u to the emoji anon list~

[bnha-butterfly]

So you’ve officially created your Tumblr blog. What now? In this post I’ll cover graphics and setting up your navigation! I’ll also mention what you should do before you start posting your own content or before you have content to post at the end!

Graphics!

Icons

Your icon is how most people will recognize your blog on their dashboard. An easy way to do icons is to use a manga cap or an anime screenshot! Alternatively there are people who make icons that you can find it by searching Tumblr, but please check whether or not these people require you to re-blog the icons you use or give them credit in your description! If you’re using art, make sure that the artist either gives you explicit permission to use it or has stated publicly that it’s OK to use their art. (please note that if the artist is OK with repost of their art they are generally OK with you using their art in icons but make sure you credit them!) PicCrew is also another popular source to make icons but make sure you credit the artist/link the picCrew!

Headers/banners

As far as using an artists work the same rules that apply for icons apply here! Either get the explicit permission from the artist or make sure they’re OK with their work being used for these things/being re-posted. Generally I don’t use work from the artist and I just use manga caps (which you can find just by googling or searching on Pinterest for [insert character here] manga caps)

You can search Tumblr for headers because there are people who make headers and other graphics. Just make sure you pay attention to peoples rules!

If you want to try your hand at making your own banners or headers. You can use Canva to make gifs and plain banners/headers. I personally use PicsArt to make my post banners. Mainly just because I can do it on my phone and can work on it really easily. Generally any photo editing app should work. PicsArt just has a lot of stickers and effects that can really pull together a banner.

Dividers

Once again there are people who make dividers on Tumblr! But you can also use PicsArt again to do your own personal dividers so they’re more custom to your blogs theme. Although it’s important to note that you won’t be able to do those super thin line dividers on PicsArt because there is a minimum pixel width!

(If you’re iffy on the size of things I’d actually advise you to download somebody else’s banner/divider and use that as a template for sizing!)

Setting up navigation!

Your navigation will be the place where the theme or aesthetic or color palette for your blog should really shine through!

(Edit: I forgot to mention this when I originally wrote this. But when I personally created my navigation I drafted everything in one very large Google Docs file. I recommend that you have everything with its links set up in a Google Docs file. Just because Tumblr has a habit of deleting posts and if you have it in a Google Docs file at the very least that auto saves and you have a back up.)

Your navigation should be broken into at least four parts! You’re about me, rules, master list, and tags (tags are optional technically but is a nice added touch). Remember this is not a Bible for what your navigation is supposed to look like, you can add and subtract to this general structure as you feel necessary!

About me!

Give as much information or as little information as you’re comfortable with. Generally you want to have your name or pen name, The pronouns you use and your time zone if you’re comfortable with it. Most people also have fun facts about them in there about me section. If you are a Black or Neurodiverse writer it’s good to have that also in your about me! A lot of people put their astrology stuff in there about me section, also the results of personality tests and things like that! This is also where you should put your BYF (before you follow) and DNI (Do not interact)

Rules

What do you put in your rules it’s really up to you. I’d advise you to look at a lot of other people’s rules to get a general idea of what you might wanna put in yours. The only thing you want to include in your rules is that you reserve your right to reject asks/request! Be sure to also include what characters you right for. Here are some things to consider in making your rules!

What demographics do you write for?

What demographics do you not write for?

Are you comfortable writing touchy subjects (things like eating disorders or self harm)?

Do you write NSFW content? Or do you cap it at mildly suggestive content?

How many characters will you limit per request?

Do you write Angst?

Do you write for ships or do you only write reader inserts?

Masterlist

Another portion of your navigation I would recommend you look at other peoples to get an idea for. There are tons of ways to organize a masterlist. The way you organize your master list will depend on the series you write for and the content you make. So look at the way people who run similar blogs to yours organize their masterlist.

Tags

So you do not need a tags portion for your navigation! The main reason people have a tags section in their masterlist is so people can blacklist tags related to anything they don’t want to see on the dashboard!

If you run both a NSFW and SFW blog (that you allow minors to follow you on) you need to tag your NSFW things so minors can block that tag. Your tags can be themed, but they don’t have to. The best way to create tags is to create things that you’re going to remember!

I stress that you create a writing tag that you put on every single piece you publish. You can also create character tags or series tags outside of the standard tags used in that fandom. (for example your character tags might be a nickname you have for a character instead of their actual name)

You can make tags for the asks you get sent and for your mutuals or named Anons! (if you get emoji anons it’s best to write out the name of the emoji instead of putting the actual emoji. Just so it’s easier to search because Tumblr does not recognize emoji‘s in it search!) you might also want to create a tag that you put on everything you re-blog for the people who only want to see your content, A tag you put on all your posts that aren’t writing (for example my “Morpho talks” tag), and a tag for the fics that you would recommend to your followers!

What if I don’t have any of my own content to post?

So this is a pretty easy one. Re-blog stuff, I didn’t start posting my own content until a month after I started this blog and at that point I already had a few followers. Bye setting yourself up as a fandom blog you’re letting people who are interested in that fandom know what you’re going to post. Don’t be afraid to shitpost and don’t be afraid to do things that show your personality! This is also a good way to practice getting into the habit of using your tags!

Don’t only re-blog art but also re-blog fics with comments in the tags! i’ve literally made a handful of mutuals just by re-blogging their stuff and the things they write with comments in the tags! Writers do not get a lot of comments on this platform but comments really encourage writers to keep on writing!

So this is a really long post. Please tell me if there’s anything else specifically you’d like me to talk about in this series!

[lil-ichigo-bunny]

hii!! um so like i wannt just make this acc to express myself ykk because i can’t quite do it while still living at home,, do you have any advice on how i could run the account to stay safe nd also bc in new to this ?

i juss wanna stay clear of bad stuff and not cause trouble ykk

Hi kiddo! I feel you on this one. It’s very difficult to be small while staying with others that don’t know about agere (age regression).

I’m assuming by staying safe you mean from icky people- My advice for this is when you’re in a bigger headspace block any tags that could trigger or upset you! I personally blocked tags that had to deal with my dni (ex: cg/l, and other k!nk tags). If you don’t know how to block tags you can quickly google “how to block tags on tumblr” and it’ll tell you what to do! I can also give you a list of tags to block that can keep you safer, if you would like just dm me. I also suggest: do not cross tag agere with any k!nk tags (ex: littlespace, I think the sfw/kiddo friendly tag is littlexspace or smallspace). From what I saw currently on your blog your tags seem perfectly fine!

Other things that might help keep you safer is having a dni banner on your posts (ex: at the bottom of this post I’ll add mine!) and maybe in your bio. Block anyone who disrespects your dni. Unfortunately there isn’t a way to keep the icky people 100% away...

You could also (if you’re really scared/get upset) you can always set your blog up to be more private. In the settings you can make it so :only people who you follow can dm you, no anonymous asks (will probably discourage certain meanies from interacting, but other regressors might be shy and not use your asks). There’s also an option to keep your blog from showing up in the search- it’ll probably keep you a little safer but you won’t get as much interaction from other kiddos.

I hope this helps somewhat- I’m no expert on these types of things. Other in the agere community probably also have posts on this sort of thing that you could check out or ask around like you did me. And just remember to have fun! I hope you can be yourself outwardly soon kiddo!!

Btw I doubt you’ll start any trouble as long as you don’t cross tag and respect people’s do not interacts.

If you need anymore help or have questions once again you can dm me! I’ll try to help the best I can 😄

[fuwaprince]

any recommendations for someone trying to start a positivity blog of their own??

It doesn’t have to be pink or pastel. You can make it black and white or neon yellow or whatever else colors there are. Don’t be afriad to go against the popular trends

Don’t let people make you feel bad for not being all inclusive. If you have personal boundaries that you want to be respected (like DNI banners or something), it isn’t mean or rude. It’s just what you’re comfy with! 

Turn off anon if it makes you anxious. If people really want to reach out to you, they will. They can always message you privately. I promise you I get tons of messages every day from people who would otherwise use the anon function and honestly it’s a great way to make unexpected pals in the end of the day

Introduce yourself to other positivity blogs. They can help you with posts you aren’t confident about posting and then you also have awesome friends with similar goals as you!

Don’t worry about sounding cheesy. If all you can think to say is “drink water” and “it’ll get better”, don’t worry about it. I promise you even if it seems small, it will help someone out there

Reblog fundraisers, reblog artists in need of cash, reblog donation pages. Use your platform for the greater good and you’ll leave a positive impact on whoever it is you’re helping 

People will try to attack you and try to pick every little thing that they don’t agree with just to make others not like you. Some people just can’t handle other people being happy and successful because they feel so bad inside. Learn to ignore them. Hopefully one day they learn to benefit form your blog instead 

Remember it’s your safe place too

Shit on the idea that positivity bloggers aren’t allowed to have bad days and feel like shit and express that they aren’t in a good place. Shit on it. Flush it down the toilet. If you feel sad and want to vent on your blog, do it, it isn’t going to annoy anyone who matters, it’s your blog 

Block anyone who makes you feel uncomfy. Snip snip snip 

If you aren’t comfortable answering an ask, don’t 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT CONTROVERSIAL SHIT. DON’T BE AFRAID TO POST “PROBLEMATIC” SHIT. IF SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED TO NOT BE AFRAID TO MENTION IT FOR THE SAKE OF KEEPING SOME FOLLOWERS, they aren’t worth censoring yourself 

adding to that point, you don’t have to stay neutral. If someone says “I think ___ is ___” you don’t have to list the pros and cons and act like you have 0 opinions on whatever shit you’re talking about. Just say how you feel. If something is fucked up, say it. If something is dope as shit, say it. It’s how you feel 

You don’t have to tolerate other positivity bloggers to be accepted. Some of us on here are two faced as fuck and will not actually support you during times of crisis. Some of us will invalidate survivors of all kinds and support terrible things and some of us will not have your back when you need it the most. Don’t even bother explaining yourself or dealing with it, unfollow or block them if they aren’t good to you. They aren’t worth the reblogs and like spams if they make you feel bad, ya know? 

Hope this helps! @overlord-satan @sexual-abuse-survivor-support @positivepastel @positivityinrecovery @posiviibes @kawaii-miunicorn @sheisrecovering @reifaun @novice-heartbreaker @literally any other positivity blogger can you take a look and add onto this if you think you have something else I forgot to mention??? Thanks!

[karimac]

...in the details, Part 2

A/N: Warning for this series: 18+ audience (minors DNI), some cinematic level violence, some fluff and angst. Doubt that smut will be involved, but it may be implied. I’ll make sure that is noted clearly if it pops up.

All relationships, at this point anyway, are platonic.

Please do not repost or translate my work. Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

A bit about the OC Kari

Part 1

All mistakes are my own.

Word count: 2,249

Before you ventured into Westview, a flight of birds overhead reminded you of Redwing and Sam. Poor Sam. That sixth sense you had told you that fight at the compound was going to lead you all into very weird places. And the first one left you very squarely not in the room once again.

This time it was Steve and Bucky being thick as thieves, and you and Sam were…making a sandwich run? Couldn’t exactly get GrubHub to make a delivery to an attack site, could you? Bruce did not want some driver with a cellphone putting video up on Snapchat. “How would that look?” he bemoaned as he worked on the time travel platform. “We’d be getting tourists left and right. I don’t need that.” So off you and Sam went.

“You know, you could just, you know,” Sam started to say as he waved his hands like he thought a wizard would do, “and just poof up a plate of stuff. Right? With extra food for Banner, of course. He inhales tacos like nobody’s business. Just ask Tic Tac.”

“Sam, what have I told all of you before? Magic is the transfer of energy and matter. No suitable food stuff means no sandwiches. I can’t just think about the deli counter at Wegman’s and make a sandwich and a side of coleslaw appear in my hand. So, we’ll order on the app and pick it up. Just like everyone else. Before I hit the button, any changes to your order?”

“No, it’s fine. But don’t tell me you’ve never done shit like that when you’ve had your back against it,” Falcon huffed as you went to the rental car you’d gotten earlier in the day. That, thank Heaven, was easy to get at the local but extremely small airport.

“I’ve killed small rodents and eaten them, and I don’t mean just rabbits. Snakes, too. And, well, birds of prey, like falcons,” you groaned as you started to get into the car, but you stopped and headed back to the passenger side. “And I know you hate my driving, so here you go,” you said as you handed Sam the keys. “Sorry it isn’t a Ferrari. I was lucky to get this Kia. They didn’t exactly have anything race course worthy.”

As Sam climbed in, he saw bags of gear in the back seat. “You pulling a Wanda? Need some me time away from all us testosterone jockeys? Cyborg is going to be pissed.”

“Bucky has other stuff to deal with, trust me,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “He does not need to add Crazy Old Broad to his growing list of things to do and people to take care of this week. I heard him talking to Steve…”

“You? Eavesdropping? You are human!” Sam smirked, but then he saw the comment had hit a nerve. “You know I was kidding, right?”

“I know you are,” you said as you swallowed hard. In reality, you were not exactly buying that last comment. Sam was a sweetheart, but his comment sounded like things Tony and Steve had said about you in the weeks before the Time Heist. It depended on the situation, but one or the other of them seemed to question you, your motives, your powers and what they could do, and, at times, your grasp on reality. You did have a connection to a goddess they couldn’t see. Blaming them for having those questions just was not in your wheelhouse. “And yeah, maybe I just need to go figure a few things out. You guys know how to get me back here if you need me.”

“Somehow I don’t think Steve, Bucky and I would look so great standing and screaming your name in the middle of a fight,” Sam noted as he finally turned the key in the ignition.

“Now who is having issues with gender roles?” you said with a very pronounced side glance. “Sam, we are all human. We all need a save now and then. Maybe you’ll never have to utter my name again after today, unless you guys can’t find something you think I hid? Thor will be back once he’s done exploring the universe, and you can always get him here fast if you have Strange find him. And Wong is just dying for his shot as a full time Avenger. We all know that! And I can go back and do, well, goddess stuff, I guess. And raise horses. Just, please, make sure no one drops the ball on Parker. He lost his parents and his uncle. Losing Tony will hit him harder than anyone likely expects. He’s a good kid. He just needs support and guidance. Now, want to get this thing moving, or do you want me to drive?”

“And have you antagonize the local cops by going Mach 1? No thank you!”

You had to laugh at that one. You did tend to floor it. A lot.

++++++++++

A short time later, you and Sam rolled back to the site Bruce had chosen to set up the time travel platform. After you two handed out all the food, you realized it was really time for you to get going. No, you didn’t have a train, plane or bus to catch or someone to meet. You just knew it was going to get harder to make the break the longer you stayed there.

“She’s pulling a Wanda on us,” Sam said as he finished off the last of the sweet tea he had grabbed at the deli where you’d gotten food. “I think it’s too much he-man macho stuff, but she won’t fess up to that.”

“Wilson, how many brothers did I have?” you asked as you cleaned up the trash from the table Bruce had borrowed from a local park that had been wrecked during the battle. It had a huge hole in the end, but hey, it was good enough for the moment.

“Eight,” Bucky replied before Sam got the chance. “Just don’t quiz me on all their names. I remember your twin, Branan, and the one who was the vampire. Ewan? Right?”

“Yup, that’s right,” you grinned at Buck. “And no quiz. Promise,” you said as you raised your left hand and crossed your heart with your right.

“Why are you leaving?” Bruce asked as he adjusted the sling on his still injured arm, putting extra emphasis on the word “are” as he uttered it. “We need all the help we can get.”

Bruce, heaven help him, was suddenly one of the last active OG Avengers standing on Earth. Thor was off finding himself with the Guardians, and no one could really begrudge him that. He needed time to heal, and you knew all too well that was not easy nor time limited. Clint had more or less retired again after Natasha’s sacrifice on Vormir. Steve was getting ready to take the stones back, but upon his return, he’d likely join up with Sam and Bucky again to root out any remaining Hydra cells. That left Bruce in a very different place this time around.

“Bruce, you don’t really need me being a head case. Trust me. You do not need me giving any news outlets ammunition to blast headlines that make the team look less than spotless. I need to go home, at least for a little while,” you replied, knowing full well you were not telling him or the others everything. “And as I reminded Sam, you guys can just call me, and I’ll be here. Just whisper my name. Or yell it. Whatever works. Text me! If it’s an emergency, and if I’m not in the middle of some new damned war on my end, I’ll come running. But I have a feeling you guys are going to be just fine. Hell, I’ll give you a blessing before I head out.”

Yeah. A blessing. More like the final nail in the coffin. The words to start the spell to make them forget you.

“Big guy, you first,” you said as you put your hands on Bruce’s injured right arm. “And no, I am doing this, Bruce. It won’t be a full healing, but it should speed things up. You got this, big guy. Biggest brain. Biggest heart. May you realize just how much this team was built with your sweat and tears as it was anyone else’s.”

“I can’t change your mind?” Bruce asked as he pretended to wipe a tear from his eye and pout a bit. “And I am not asking because you are likely the only one of us who can cook…”

“I’m pretty sure all of you guys can cook something. Maybe not a good Colcannon or a fine Dublin coddle, but you’ll survive. As for the cupcakes, you guys may need to get a bakery on speed dial,” you added with a laugh because you knew they’d make that bakery rich. The Avengers loved their sugary snacks.

“Just don’t bug my sister, Bruce,” Sam noted as he waited for you to come over to him. “I still remember asking why the Cupcake Lady had a sword that night when those demon things attacked near the tower. I never asked. Why the cupcakes?”

“And not why the demons or the sword?” you said as you nearly choked on your words. “You realize that was before Steve saw me at Peggy’s funeral. That night was truly a fluke, Sam. No one was supposed to see that side of me then. As for the cupcakes, they were my entry to your world. Gifts from a fan girl. They’re easy to carry, a synch to personalize when needed, and everyone can have their own without fighting,” you said with a grin as Sam shook his head. “What?”

“You sound like Sarah.”

“Then I am in good company. Tell her the good stuff you’ve told me all these years. The words of wisdom. The little jokes. The pep talks. Tell her often. A single mom with two boys needs that. Be there for her, and drag these guys to see her, too. It would do the boys a world of good to have all their uncles stop by. Now, Samuel,” you said as you gave him a hug, “remember to keep these guys flying right. And if the world drops opportunity in your lap, whatever it might be, do not look at it and push it away without a lot of thought. The world needs Sam Wilson, the hero with a heart.”

And now the hardest part of this good bye had you wiping tears from your eyes. “I know. I’m a big mush. Girls from Brooklyn would laugh at me for this, right? Sorry, but girls from Naas and Athy do cry sometimes. I’m going to miss you two lugs. A lot.”

“Lugs. Last time you called us that was in ’43,” Bucky said as he looked down at his feet for a minute. “Somehow Hydra missed that memory.”

“You’ll see us again,” Steve said as he turned briefly to see where the case with the stones was on the platform. “But this time, it better not take 70 years.”

As you looked at the best friends, something about their auras seemed off. They had been planning something when you almost walked in on their chat a few days ago. You had no idea what it was, and you suddenly didn’t want to hang around to find out what the next act was going to bring.

“Just…watch your back, Steve. From what Clint said about Vormir, that one is going to be tough. And Buck, whatever comes next, I’m rooting for you. Even if you can’t see me doing it.”

“You really don’t have to leave,” Bruce kept insisting as you hefted your backpack on your shoulder.

“Dr. Banner, do you really want to fight my demons after all this? I have enemies. You just haven’t seen them yet. Frankly, the only reason that Hydra didn’t grab me before I hooked up with the Howling Commandos was because I was pulled into another dimension by one of those enemies. It was only by some weird twist of fate that Peggy found me when she did. If the veil between worlds had not been so thin near that camp, I might never have made it back, or Hydra might have found me first. It was pure dumb luck.”

{{And, Heaven help me, part of it was these two lugs over here}} you thought as you turned to head to your car. Then you stopped. This was a lot harder than it had been any time before, but it was the curse of an immortal to have to keep moving on. “I wish you luck, joy and happiness. I wish you peace. And, if you are truly lucky, memories long enough to have little space to spare for the likes of me because they are filled with so much more! See you in my dreams, for now anyway, fellas.”

++++++++++

You rolled out of there before Steve started his mission to return the stones, and you got a text from Bruce hours later telling you everything that had happened. Steve not coming back as planned. Then an older version of Steve shows up, sitting on a bench near the platform, and he gives Sam the shield. Right in front of Bucky.

It was now weeks later. No. It was months later, and here you were staring up at the sign for Westview. You’d gotten out of your rental car so you could get a feeling for the area around this little town.

“You made it back,” a voice said behind you. “How are you, after all that mess with Wanda and that Agatha woman? She was a real piece of work.”

The person speaking to you was Dr. Darcy Lewis. Friend of Thor and Dr. Jane Foster. Why was she even here?

You couldn’t fully figure out what the hell she was talking about. You didn’t remember being here before. Yet, you knew who she was, and you had never met her before. Or at least you couldn’t remember meeting her, here or anywhere else.

“Apparently not as great as I thought I was,” you muttered as you winced again. “Dr. Lewis, how long ago was the blip?”

“Give or take a week, about six months ago,” she replied as you started to pace. “Why?”

“Shit. Not this again,” you hissed as you looked up at the sign once more. “I think I’m going to need your help. How much do you know about Celtic myths and Irish history, Dr. Lewis?”