#<<<< gotta make sure all the acespecs know about this

[crystalsandbubbletea]

Just found an exclusionist who claimed asexual can't be a spectrum 💀

The username is @/girloninterweb

[stickystarspectrumtroll-ocs]

pride month asks for allets, maddie, eliote: 1, 2, 3, 8

1) What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Allets is a cis girl. She is, however, more gnc than she has ever remotely been allowed to be. Not the BIGGEST tomboy, mind you, she still prefers or enjoys a number of traditionally feminine things. But her parents have always kept her in this very strict mold of Only The Most Feminine And Ladylike Things And Nothing Else Is Allowed Ever, and she has never fit comfortably in that in the slightest. She's a girl, she's just a girl who needs to not be told how girls should be, and be left to play in the mud in dresses without frills.

Maddie T is also a cis girl pretty sure, but she's very gnc and generally doesn't care that much about it. To her, gender is ultimately something to play around with. Pronouns and presentation are a huge dressup closet filled with all manner of clothes and costumes. She has her base, but if ever she's given the opportunity, she'll sure as heck try on whatever the heck else for a minute on top of it. Sure, throw the word "boy" at her, you've stuck a funny little hat on her head, she can do a silly little dance in this for a bit! They/them pronouns? Ooooh, ambiguity, she can detach from all concept of gender for a bit and just be a creature of color and madness and bounce and boing that doesn't need a gender! What fun!

Eliote is a cis girl who also doesn't care very much about gender. But not in the way of Maddie T where it's fun to play with, just in the way where she's like "Why does it matter? Who the frick cares? Aren't there just near-infinite more important things in the world?" She'll correct you if you use the wrong pronouns for her or anything, but beyond that she just doesn't really give it much thought.

2) What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

Allets is bi. Possibly also acespec in some way. Her parents have very much drilled into her that Gay = Wrong, so there's a lot of repression and denial and shame about it for her for quite some time. She eventually does get to start shedding that and getting to be more comfortable or even proud eventually of her being bi. As to being acespec, I think if she’s acespec then for the longest time she just doesn't even realize. And while it does make for possible complications with the "gonna need to Do The Thing to produce an heir to the throne one day" thing, in general she doesn't consider it to be as consequential as her bisexuality and it doesn't weigh as much on her mind.

Maddie T is aroace and proud! Glad to not have to deal with any romance or sex related woes in her life, glad for the perspective it gives her on others', and just generally happy to be as she is.

Eliote is either bi or gay. Possibly also acespec, maybe also arospec. She doesn't have an opinion on the gender(s) she's attracted to. She does, however, get freaked the heck out by experiencing attraction at all.

3) How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Allets definitely didn't always know. A major factor in her questioning has gotta be this one experience she had with another princess in her preteen years, but she does push that deep deep down for awhile. I've just thought that the more she breaks away from her parents' conditioning in general, she eventually does get to a point where she starts seriously thinking about it and eventually realizing/admitting it to herself. Dunno if it happens in conversation with Eliote and possibly Luna and Jewel or if it happens when she's just thinking to herself. Dunno if anything in particular happens to exacerbate and push her towards it or not. Though maybe the entire environment of SGE helps with that somewhat, the School for Good is like, SO cisheternormative, it's quite possible the discomforts with that kinda push her towards realizing. In any case, she definitely initially feels shame upon realizing, but gets past that in time.

Maddie T always knew. She looked at romance and sex and was like "hmmm no not for me no thanks <3" and that was it.

Eliote just kinda never gives it a single thought until she experiences some attraction.

8) Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Allets with her homophobic parents, definitely. As I've said, gonna have to take awhile for her to realize and accept herself.

Maddie T? LOL, NOPE. She knows who she is, she loves who she is, she doesn't give a flying fart what anycreature else thinks or says or does.

Eliote, yeah. Entirely internal reasons for her. I think as a younger kid she was very grossed out by romance and any shift from that is a mindfrick and a half for her. And she's always considered romantic relationships just Not An Option For Her, not gonna happen, would never work, why even want one, but it's hard to tell how much of that is actually not wanting them and how much of that is just more of the "don't get close to people don't let people in you're fine you're fine you're FINE" mindset. So yeah, if she ever seriously Catches Feelings TM, she's gonna go insane about all of that for some time.

[mythvoiced]

-. wenzhe-core (pt. 5) SPECIAL EDITION: yu qianru-core

tol wifey

[insert] protection squad president, she will start shit on your behalf

not easily flustered or embarrassed or is she just very good at hiding it

don't hit on her just be direct she doesn't like weird verbal flirting (she likes joking around and playing and the kind of flirting that is also yknow FUN but finding pick up lines and setting them up and then acting all smug, BLEAH)

mechanical engineer baybay

very good with her hands, very sexy hands

somehow acespec but the jury's still out on how exactly

very efficient, annoyingly efficient, if you're the kind of person who likes to tease folks or learn something with someone don't do it with her because she'll roll her sleeves up and Figure It Out

if you see a tall girl carrying the backbags of several other people that's her

she's chivalrous but less in a 'allow me to woo you' kind of way but more in a 'give that to me GIVE-'

very bad at handing off responsibility she's either gotta do everything on her own or you have to RIP it out of her hands

excessively competitive but not actually at anyone's expense, it's about? proving something to herself? she loves challenges, she LOVES personal challenges, she's Very Intense actually

if you're scared of dating women who are boyfriends don't ask her out

she knows wenzhe is bisexual she's known him almost all her life and she's very confident in her own queerness and he's so fucking obvious

nothing gets her going as much as correcting a figure of authority does

wenzhe may seem slightly Out Of His Boots but qianru is the one you actually have to look out for

she's not even all that deranged she just refuses to make herself 'bite-sized' for people and wears her neurodivergency TITS OUT

gosh they would have been THE audhd couple of the year

wenzhe recognized he was crushing on her sometime in high-school and repressed that shit so fast

i will NOT TALK ABOUT HER DEATH i am maKING MYSELF SAD

probably panromantic or demiromantic

i am not sure if qianru was also romantically interested in wenzhe, she certainly adores him in a vibrantly queerplatonic way and if they idea was 'spend the rest of my life with him' she'd say 'yes' but is it romantic?

she actually also knows EXACTLY who his male crush in high school was, she knows exactly, she was sitting around him and he'd get these sparkly eyes straight out of a shoujo whenever the guy would walk in

she knows way too much about that guy as a result because she kind of stalked him to figure out if he's any good

i was not joking when i said she's the one you actually have to look out for

she had to stop when people started spreading rumours SHE was into him because she could see the negative visceral reaction that had on wenzhe and fuck

between the two of them, wenzhe's??? softer????

qianru doesn't like people 'protecting her' or 'looking out for her' she likes small gestures of kindness but doesn't like when people try to fight her fights or underestimate her ability to fight her own so she really rarely reaches out and often even backtracks when she does

she prefers being the one Who Looks Out and she's Very protective of wenzhe

from an outsiders perspective, if you met them casually, wenzhe is a relatively relaxed extroverted kind of guy with a bit of a bitch-face when he thinks no one's watching him who's always poking and prodding at her, whereas qianru seems like a relatively introverted bookworm-ish kind of girl who brushes him off with tsundere vibes

in REALITY wenzhe's mental health has a always been a little more on the fragile side of things, he gets in his head a lot, has a noteworthy amount of misplaced resentment, and this really tires him out so his relaxed is usually just mentally exhausted, his extroversion is partly an act to help him mask, and he only pokes and prods at qianru because he's comfortable with her

and QIANRU is quiet because she isn't particularly verbal, she can absolutely pop off given the right conversation topic but her quietness is not meek or submissive, she just... doesn't talk a lot, and that is commonly associated with bookworm-ish shy characters, which qianru is not, she's a very active person, she likes hiking and trying out sports sitting somewhere, reading is not for her, and she is the absolute opposite of a tsundere, she's very direct with her feelings, it's just her way to tease wenzhe back

also i'm not saying oh, you can fuck with her just don't touch her friends, no bro, don't fuck with her either, she's also her own very best friend don't do it man

wenzhe needs qianru more than qianru needs wenzhe, wenzhe needs qianru in his life, qianru wants wenzhe in her life

if you've read this far and went HMM qianru is a lil similar to hyun, well that's the thought i got but consider this: hyun is aggressive, not violent, but her stuff is aggressive, qianru is 'simply' direct, yknow? hyun will weaponize brutal honest, qianru will not tell you shit that doesn't have to be said, and well that's another post anyways lmao

also hyun will not take one for the team but YOU KNOW WHO WILL? qianru, qianru is the head of the team, she comes up with the crazy plans, she's the one who suggested breaking and entering to retrieve balls as a child, a classic qianru line is 'i have a plan'

[dirtangeldean]

but i’m singing like a bird 'bout it now.

for @tootiredmotel’s celebration: regret (thwarted!)

[available on ao3!] [ 7/7: complete! ]

features: arospec!Dean POV, acespec!Cas POV, Jack, Sam, Amara, and indifferent!The Empty POV. Cas has a squick and is not sex repulsed. Dean is allo and only accidentally romantic (and that's ok!).

"Because it is."

This is gonna be it. The final time Cas would look into all that love. The forever split streams of love that spilled out of Dean's eyes damn near every minute of every day in big and little ways. He could see it at the levee of the bottom of Dean's eyes right now.

"Don't do this, Cas."

Dean's head shakes a little, whether it be in disbelief or confusion he doesn't know. Yet, Cas does not feel forsaken. So this will be it then. Over the last two years it was never clear when the deal would even end up on a timeline in Cas' life. He truly believed that in the end he would watch Dean grow old and die. With hope, Dean would do so in his sleep. He hadn't considered whether any of his actions would eventually bar him from the gates he felt Dean deserved but Cas supposes Heaven wasn't ever truly his home.

"I love you."

Soon darkness will take him and he will be sure not to make it loud. Right now, there's a banging at the door that holds Cas’ last blood sigil. He marked his love in blood. Much like he did when he banished Zachariah. That had been a love letter to Dean too. Not that it matters now. He can only hope wherever Dean ends up that today is not his end.

Cas takes a step forward, determined; no, today can't take Dean. Billie will go where he will go and that will be the end of it. He looks at Dean now. There's a pleading look that makes Cas reach his hand out to touch his face but falter. Cas feels reverent in his last moments, as he always does. But he knows that nothing, not even his long and lost love, can get in his way...

————

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Dean thought he had said that in his head. He would have said it out loud anyway. He wanted to know—hell, he needed to know. He wanted to hear anything Cas had to say at the end of their road. But he heard a god awful horrible answer. Just his fucking luck.

Love, returned, what a fucking curse, Dean thought.

He was so sure that he could muster up the guts for one last good feeling-bleed before Billie busts through the barrier like a bat out of hell. He was going to make it count, tell Cas how he feels. Everyday. For damn near a decade. He felt them, all those tightly-packed confessions along the years breaking their own seals, breaking past his rib cage and up his throat. It was bound to come up outta him one day; Dean figured he owed Cas this one big truth that he was too big of a coward not to keep from him. Cas, his best, his one, his only.

Last thing I see, it's gotta be him, Dean thought right before Cas opened his beautiful fucking heart. Now Dean's throat was too tight to choke out what he meant to say before Cas got to talkin’. Fucked up his one good chance to be sincerely honest and direct about what was now threatening to strangle him before Billie does. Believe it or not, maybe hands around his neck would help. If not to keep the words—all the words from Purgatory to today at bay—maybe to squeeze them out like honey from a bottle. Because the way he's hearing it from Cas, the Empty could come any second now so if he acts fast maybe, just maybe, they're maybe not gonna die. But if they do, Cas has to know. He's gotta know what to do, Dean’s gotta know somehow. Dean shifts his feet as he hears that god-awful gurgling. The wall behind looks like black blood and Leviathan slime. Ugly, awful—Cas doesn't deserve shit like that.

He's an angel, my angel, He thinks.

Dean's gotta act fast or he'll lose Cas to it either way, whether he speaks up or not. Now's not the time to fawn or freeze. He turns back around to glistening eyes. And tears that shoulda never fallen, his head thinks. The way Cas is looking at him has Dean feeling like a baby chick under a heat lamp. Adored, precious, vulnerable. Scared. There's a type of overwhelming fondness in Cas' face that is in no way something he deserves, not today. Not for the type of sacrifice Cas thinks he has any right to make right now to save him.

A deal to leave with the friggin' Empty, no way out. Dean seethes internally for a flash, careful to keep what can still be contained in his chest. He doesn't know if Cas can see what’s playing out on his face right now but his eyes don't leave Dean's face, not once. What can still make Cas so sure Dean Winchester deserves to be saved?

With no fucking way for him to escape or save him, Cas, lost forever. Dean, all at once, feels delirious.

Suddenly there’s a heat that overtakes him as he locks onto Cas' face. He feels like his skin is burning off and there's not enough time to shed a layer or two. Dean doesn't know when his fingers curled into fists. Maybe it's when Cas brought up the quip about him being a blunt instrument. Cas, always the earth-side angel who saw too much of him and felt too much of him and yet doesn't believe that's what he is. After Purgatory he'd have given up a shot at ever escaping Lucifer's personal corner of Hell to see Cas look at him the way he's staring at him now. But today, Cas' loving gaze leaves him feeling singed like an egg thrown on a cast iron to fry.

He can't go, not like this, Dean's head rings with panic.

He can't ever leave, not when just two minutes ago Dean was gonna break his rib cage open with any words he could find in the moment and bare his whole heart to Cas. Now he's looking at Dean like he's memorizing his genetic make-up, the stuff he literally stitched back together 12 years ago from atoms to bones to skin. It's been so long Dean had almost forgotten. On another day he'd love to have had a shot at seeing this look on his face. Not after today, he might not get that after today. Not now or ever again.

Dean's not sure he'd have the brain power for any lore on the Empty if he watches Cas get ripped away. Not without a guarantee that Cas can stay by his side for the rest of his life. Something deep in Dean’s chest goes off like a pipe bomb when a tear falls down his angel's face. His heart is about ready to fry. Cas reaches for him and Dean can't be sure that he can bare to let go if Cas makes a connection. Especially knowing right after that he'll be gone, he'll disappear for good. No take backs, no reaching Cas. Not with a shout or prayer like in Purgatory. He'd stay gone forever this time if The Empty takes him.

Dean shakes his head a little to clear it. All that's too far ahead for what he's dealing with right now, and at most, the next minute. And all he really wants to do is hold him. Cas. If this is really all he gets, he just wants to hold him. The Cas who knows him, the Cas who rebuilt him and got him out of more real and personal hells than he can count right now.

Something fires off in Dean's head. Hope. Maybe a bit of Michael's angel energy is somewhere still in him. Right? Maybe his sword composition is still active. Maybe he is still a sword, just one only he can take a blunting belt to sharpen and wield for himself. That could be enough. It's gotta be. All the work to shape our bloodline has to count for something… The Empty doesn't know each individual angel, right? Cas couldn't have been with it for long enough to know, and although Dean doesn't have all the details of Cas' deal, the Empty just can't really know Cas enough to really catalogue him, Dean's decided. This is too much thought for the mere inches Cas is from reaching him. Dean's about to burst out of his skin. So he moves.

Dean's hands are vice grips on either side of Cas' face in an instant. He's never seen the angel's facial expression transform so quickly but in a moment he's too close to see the expressions on it. Dean's body seems to actually be working as an instrument in this moment. He takes Cas' bottom lip in between his own and he inhales the rushed breath Cas exhales right up into him. The exchange is divine, his eyes shutter close. He can feel Cas fighting between relaxing and resisting.

And then the door behind them sounds like it's bursting open like a sound grenade and hitting something behind it.

This could have been a better moment, gentler maybe. Dean can admit that. He feels the angel's right hand grip his shoulder, shifting quickly in intensity between the same kind of gentle and firm strength Cas has always shown him. But just as unsure as he had looked in Purgatory. It feels like...wavering. It feels like panic.

Well, buddy, that'd make two of us, he thinks to himself. Because Cas' lips feel like stone between his. And then he feels it, the vibration building up in Cas. He doesn't even know where it's coming from. Cas feels like a gong that just rang.

Fuck, Dean squeezes his eyes shut and braces for whatever could happen next. There's too much going on around him to know for sure if pulling away will make a difference, he just knows that even as the last thing he does, Dean'll try and save Cas. He can't save anyone else. In this moment, all he has is Cas. But Cas isn't making it easy. The one part of the angel that is moving towards him--the only part--is his hand on Dean's shoulder which is closing like a fist around the rough dyed cotton of his jacket, staining it blood-red. Dean tenses as he remembers the first time Cas' hand was there.

It's not an actual memory, more like an inner knowing that lives in his bones. Despite the cotton layers it'll bruise if they make it out of this alive. Their only option. Cas might not be into this but there's time for apologies later. Maybe this just isn't what angels do when they love. Maybe Dean’s fucking with a code of conduct Cas still keeps. Dean is not Meg, and he's no angel either. He doesn't fucking know. Three minutes ago he thought these feelings only went one way. This ache and reaching between him and Cas doesn't feel returned at the moment.

Fuck, What the hell is he gonna do when this is over? Dean's not so focused on making it good for Cas, he just wants to blanket him. Can't be a sword; maybe I can be a shield. Though he doesn't know how long until it may come down to damn near wrestling the angel he's hellbent on shielding. Something threatens to pop in his shoulder. Cas may be an angel but if the ripping he hears from tears in the back of Dean's jacket are any indication, this is either hurting Cas or it’s too intense of a moment for him. Or he's pissed. He's probably pissed. But Dean can't let him go. Not when he's unsure if what he hears behind them is gliding past them or about to swallow Cas whole. He had already trapped them in the bunker with Billie, if Cas is going to leave him then he's gonna leave with Dean wrapped around him. Flesh against stone. End of story.

Except this isn't the end; there's a cold chill that runs down his left side that shocks him so fast that he snaps his eyes open just as the black ooze leaves his field of vision and travels back towards the wall it came from. He can only think that if angel radio was still a thing and anyone had their ears on, they would maybe hear his heart yell out as loud as it could.

Castiel is saved.

————

These fucking gremlins, again. And this time, a tag team effort. What a cruel and bothersome bait and switch.

The Empty is not known for kindness. It's not built for rage either. It's built to contain. But it senses it. Of all the reapers and demons and angels and vampires and otherworldly fools it has collected, none have irritated The Empty more than ones with personal connections to Castiel and Dean Winchester.

Jack's noise was one thing, this overpour of love and sadness is quite...Other. That's what brought the Empty here to begin with. Sensing Castiel's spike in elation. The Empty had been willing to wait for the eons Cas had offered but the speed of the peak should have sealed the deal. This should have been quick and easy. Open up, face a bright light, find a happy angel, take a happy angel and leave.

But...here is Billie and that happiness is gone, replaced instantly with something closer to grief. It's nervous, angry, miserable.

It sounds like it feels...disgusting.

The Empty can't be bothered to care about the flavor of it or question the plummet because Billie is enough for The Empty for now. Once it consumes Billie it wants out of the bright and back into sleep (Cas be damned.) Clearly, if the joy is gone before The Empty could even arrive if it wasn't enough to enjoy, register or really qualify. What a fickle thing, emotions. Maybe this deal with the insufferable celestial annoyance wasn't worth the trouble. Castiel is too...the circumstances...are too fleeting. He would require more alertness than he's worth. The Empty can't think of a single reason to stay awake long enough to monitor if the trip is worth another push.

And then there's the matter of Dean. Weirdly relevant, always in the way. Just like a Winchester. Currently panicked out of his body and if Cas was happy, The Empty might have enjoyed putting that very panic into turbo mode. But no, Billie will do and The Empty will have had enough. Besides, their band of gremlins would simply be too...eventful. Castiel is just too much work; too much to keep track of, too much to take, too much to keep.

The Empty starts to consider a cosmic barring order...time to contact Amara.

tag list, feel free to be asked to be added or removed!:

@14x06 @caskarass @lily-sunder @billiewena @hauntedrederadean @mermaidhair4lyfe @impala-atnight @emeraldcas @castumes @green-blue-heller @starlightdeastieljail @rogue-cas-witch @thegeekcompanion @spookydeastiel @kellykline-main @shmegel @fistfulofsadglitter @deanolantern @pumpkincakecas @screamqueencas @casperdean @angelinthefire @youre-only-gay-once @lauramarlingnatural

[dirtangeldean]

I posted 7,800 times in 2021

198 posts created (3%)

7602 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 38.4 posts.

I added 3,872 tags in 2021

#destiel - 672 posts

#cas - 614 posts

#otp: i could go with you - 588 posts

#deancas - 550 posts

#dean - 405 posts

#deancoded content - 266 posts

#cas light of my light - 208 posts

#cas my thursday angel - 204 posts

#2k12 lore - 194 posts

#dirtangelspeaks - 171 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#we would have seen...that dean was able to give love back all along? or maybe it would have been a push and pull that at least allowed

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

but i’m singing like a bird 'bout it now.

for @tootiredmotel’s celebration: regret (thwarted!)

[available on ao3!] [ complete! ]

Currently features: arospec!Dean POV, acespec!Cas POV, and indifferent!The Empty POV. Cas has a squick and is not sex repulsed. Dean is allo and only accidentally romantic (and that's ok!).

"Because it is."

This is gonna be it. The final time Cas would look into all that love. The forever split streams of love that spilled out of Dean's eyes damn near every minute of every day in big and little ways. He could see it at the levee of the bottom of Dean's eyes right now.

"Don't do this, Cas."

Dean's head shakes a little, whether it be in disbelief or confusion he doesn't know. Yet, Cas does not feel forsaken. So this will be it then. Over the last two years it was never clear when the deal would even end up on a timeline in Cas' life. He truly believed that in the end he would watch Dean grow old and die. With hope, Dean would do so in his sleep. He hadn't considered whether any of his actions would eventually bar him from the gates he felt Dean deserved but Cas supposes Heaven wasn't ever truly his home.

"I love you."

Soon darkness will take him and he will be sure not to make it loud. Right now, there's a banging at the door that holds Cas’ last blood sigil. He marked his love in blood. Much like he did when he banished Zachariah. That had been a love letter to Dean too. Not that it matters now. He can only hope wherever Dean ends up that today is not his end.

Cas takes a step forward, determined; no, today can't take Dean. Billie will go where he will go and that will be the end of it. He looks at Dean now. There's a pleading look that makes Cas reach his hand out to touch his face but falter. Cas feels reverent in his last moments, as he always does. But he knows that nothing, not even his long and lost love, can get in his way...

————

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Dean thought he had said that in his head. He would have said it out loud anyway. He wanted to know—hell, he needed to know. He wanted to hear anything Cas had to say at the end of their road. But he heard a god awful horrible answer. Just his fucking luck.

Love, returned, what a fucking curse, Dean thought.

He was so sure that he could muster up the guts for one last good feeling-bleed before Billie busts through the barrier like a bat out of hell. He was going to make it count, tell Cas how he feels. Everyday. For damn near a decade. He felt them, all those tightly-packed confessions along the years breaking their own seals, breaking past his rib cage and up his throat. It was bound to come up outta him one day; Dean figured he owed Cas this one big truth that he was too big of a coward not to keep from him. Cas, his best, his one, his only.

Last thing I see, it's gotta be him, Dean thought right before Cas opened his beautiful fucking heart. Now Dean's throat was too tight to choke out what he meant to say before Cas got to talkin’. Fucked up his one good chance to be sincerely honest and direct about what was now threatening to strangle him before Billie does. Believe it or not, maybe hands around his neck would help. If not to keep the words—all the words from Purgatory to today at bay—maybe to squeeze them out like honey from a bottle. Because the way he's hearing it from Cas, the Empty could come any second now so if he acts fast maybe, just maybe, they're maybe not gonna die. But if they do, Cas has to know. He's gotta know what to do, Dean’s gotta know somehow. Dean shifts his feet as he hears that god-awful gurgling. The wall behind looks like black blood and Leviathan slime. Ugly, awful—Cas doesn't deserve shit like that.

He's an angel, my angel, He thinks.

Dean's gotta act fast or he'll lose Cas to it either way, whether he speaks up or not. Now's not the time to fawn or freeze. He turns back around to glistening eyes. And tears that shoulda never fallen, his head thinks. The way Cas is looking at him has Dean feeling like a baby chick under a heat lamp. Adored, precious, vulnerable. Scared. There's a type of overwhelming fondness in Cas' face that is in no way something he deserves, not today. Not for the type of sacrifice Cas thinks he has any right to make right now to save him.

A deal to leave with the friggin' Empty, no way out. Dean seethes internally for a flash, careful to keep what can still be contained in his chest. He doesn't know if Cas can see what’s playing out on his face right now but his eyes don't leave Dean's face, not once. What can still make Cas so sure Dean Winchester deserves to be saved?

With no fucking way for him to escape or save him, Cas, lost forever. Dean, all at once, feels delirious.

Suddenly there’s a heat that overtakes him as he locks onto Cas' face. He feels like his skin is burning off and there's not enough time to shed a layer or two. Dean doesn't know when his fingers curled into fists. Maybe it's when Cas brought up the quip about him being a blunt instrument. Cas, always the earth-side angel who saw too much of him and felt too much of him and yet doesn't believe that's what he is. After Purgatory he'd have given up a shot at ever escaping Lucifer's personal corner of Hell to see Cas look at him the way he's staring at him now. But today, Cas' loving gaze leaves him feeling singed like an egg thrown on a cast iron to fry.

He can't go, not like this, Dean's head rings with panic.

He can't ever leave, not when just two minutes ago Dean was gonna break his rib cage open with any words he could find in the moment and bare his whole heart to Cas. Now he's looking at Dean like he's memorizing his genetic make-up, the stuff he literally stitched back together 12 years ago from atoms to bones to skin. It's been so long Dean had almost forgotten. On another day he'd love to have had a shot at seeing this look on his face. Not after today, he might not get that after today. Not now or ever again.

Dean's not sure he'd have the brain power for any lore on the Empty if he watches Cas get ripped away. Not without a guarantee that Cas can stay by his side for the rest of his life. Something deep in Dean’s chest goes off like a pipe bomb when a tear falls down his angel's face. His heart is about ready to fry. Cas reaches for him and Dean can't be sure that he can bare to let go if Cas makes a connection. Especially knowing right after that he'll be gone, he'll disappear for good. No take backs, no reaching Cas. Not with a shout or prayer like in Purgatory. He'd stay gone forever this time if The Empty takes him.

Dean shakes his head a little to clear it. All that's too far ahead for what he's dealing with right now, and at most, the next minute. And all he really wants to do is hold him. Cas. If this is really all he gets, he just wants to hold him. The Cas who knows him, the Cas who rebuilt him and got him out of more real and personal hells than he can count right now.

Something fires off in Dean's head. Hope. Maybe a bit of Michael's angel energy is somewhere still in him. Right? Maybe his sword composition is still active. Maybe he is still a sword, just one only he can take a blunting belt to sharpen and wield for himself. That could be enough. It's gotta be. All the work to shape our bloodline has to count for something… The Empty doesn't know each individual angel, right? Cas couldn't have been with it for long enough to know, and although Dean doesn't have all the details of Cas' deal, the Empty just can't really know Cas enough to really catalogue him, Dean's decided. This is too much thought for the mere inches Cas is from reaching him. Dean's about to burst out of his skin. So he moves.

Dean's hands are vice grips on either side of Cas' face in an instant. He's never seen the angel's facial expression transform so quickly but in a moment he's too close to see the expressions on it. Dean's body seems to actually be working as an instrument in this moment. He takes Cas' bottom lip in between his own and he inhales the rushed breath Cas exhales right up into him. The exchange is divine, his eyes shutter close. He can feel Cas fighting between relaxing and resisting.

And then the door behind them sounds like it's bursting open like a sound grenade and hitting something behind it.

This could have been a better moment, gentler maybe. Dean can admit that. He feels the angel's right hand grip his shoulder, shifting quickly in intensity between the same kind of gentle and firm strength Cas has always shown him. But just as unsure as he had looked in Purgatory. It feels like...wavering. It feels like panic.

Well, buddy, that'd make two of us, he thinks to himself. Because Cas' lips feel like stone between his. And then he feels it, the vibration building up in Cas. He doesn't even know where it's coming from. Cas feels like a gong that just rang.

Fuck, Dean squeezes his eyes shut and braces for whatever could happen next. There's too much going on around him to know for sure if pulling away will make a difference, he just knows that even as the last thing he does, Dean'll try and save Cas. He can't save anyone else. In this moment, all he has is Cas. But Cas isn't making it easy. The one part of the angel that is moving towards him--the only part--is his hand on Dean's shoulder which is closing like a fist around the rough dyed cotton of his jacket, staining it blood-red. Dean tenses as he remembers the first time Cas' hand was there.

It's not an actual memory, more like an inner knowing that lives in his bones. Despite the cotton layers it'll bruise if they make it out of this alive. Their only option. Cas might not be into this but there's time for apologies later. Maybe this just isn't what angels do when they love. Maybe Dean’s fucking with a code of conduct Cas still keeps. Dean is not Meg, and he's no angel either. He doesn't fucking know. Three minutes ago he thought these feelings only went one way. This ache and reaching between him and Cas doesn't feel returned at the moment.

Fuck, What the hell is he gonna do when this is over? Dean's not so focused on making it good for Cas, he just wants to blanket him. Can't be a sword; maybe I can be a shield. Though he doesn't know how long until it may come down to damn near wrestling the angel he's hellbent on shielding. Something threatens to pop in his shoulder. Cas may be an angel but if the ripping he hears from tears in the back of Dean's jacket are any indication, this is either hurting Cas or it’s too intense of a moment for him. Or he's pissed. He's probably pissed. But Dean can't let him go. Not when he's unsure if what he hears behind them is gliding past them or about to swallow Cas whole. He had already trapped them in the bunker with Billie, if Cas is going to leave him then he's gonna leave with Dean wrapped around him. Flesh against stone. End of story.

Except this isn't the end; there's a cold chill that runs down his left side that shocks him so fast that he snaps his eyes open just as the black ooze leaves his field of vision and travels back towards the wall it came from. He can only think that if angel radio was still a thing and anyone had their ears on, they would maybe hear his heart yell out as loud as it could.

Castiel is saved.

————

These fucking gremlins, again. And this time, a tag team effort. What a cruel and bothersome bait and switch.

The Empty is not known for kindness. It's not built for rage either. It's built to contain. But it senses it. Of all the reapers and demons and angels and vampires and otherworldly fools it has collected, none have irritated The Empty more than ones with personal connections to Castiel and Dean Winchester.

Jack's noise was one thing, this overpour of love and sadness is quite...Other. That's what brought the Empty here to begin with. Sensing Castiel's spike in elation. The Empty had been willing to wait for the eons Cas had offered but the speed of the peak should have sealed the deal. This should have been quick and easy. Open up, face a bright light, find a happy angel, take a happy angel and leave.

But...here is Billie and that happiness is gone, replaced instantly with something closer to grief. It's nervous, angry, miserable.

It sounds like it feels...disgusting.

The Empty can't be bothered to care about the flavor of it or question the plummet because Billie is enough for The Empty for now. Once it consumes Billie it wants out of the bright and back into sleep (Cas be damned.) Clearly, if the joy is gone before The Empty could even arrive if it wasn't enough to enjoy, register or really qualify. What a fickle thing, emotions. Maybe this deal with the insufferable celestial annoyance wasn't worth the trouble. Castiel is too...the circumstances...are too fleeting. He would require more alertness than he's worth. The Empty can't think of a single reason to stay awake long enough to monitor if the trip is worth another push.

And then there's the matter of Dean. Weirdly relevant, always in the way. Just like a Winchester. Currently panicked out of his body and if Cas was happy, The Empty might have enjoyed putting that very panic into turbo mode. But no, Billie will do and The Empty will have had enough. Besides, their band of gremlins would simply be too...eventful. Castiel is just too much work; too much to keep track of, too much to take, too much to keep.

The Empty starts to consider a cosmic barring order...time to contact Amara.

tag list, feel free to be asked to be added or removed!:

@14x06 @caskarass @lily-sunder @billiewena @hauntedrederadean @mermaidhair4lyfe @impala-atnight @emeraldcas @castumes @green-blue-heller @starlightdeastieljail @rogue-cas-witch @thegeekcompanion @spookydeastiel @kellykline-main @shmegel @fistfulofsadglitter @deanolantern @pumpkincakecas @screamqueencas @casperdean @angelinthefire @youre-only-gay-once @lauramarlingnatural

99 notes • Posted 2021-10-11 17:05:59 GMT

#4

bestie wake up, new meow meow just dropped

110 notes • Posted 2021-11-16 19:16:39 GMT

#3

what's one fandom that you won't ever return to lest you turn into a pillar of salt? you can put it in the tags

111 notes • Posted 2021-09-29 14:48:02 GMT

#2

long distanced love | 11.05.20

123 notes • Posted 2021-11-05 20:35:42 GMT

#1

the choice that fandom collectively makes to always put cas in a led zeppelin shirt is something that can be so personal

480 notes • Posted 2021-12-01 04:12:41 GMT

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