#<- not necessarily but. idk thought it was worth tagging

[77ngiez]

post-good end omori thoughts brought to u by the sunny omori himself

sunny and basil stay really close, mostly because they think everybody else in the group hates them but theyve been thru too much shit together to hate each other. basils the first in the group to get his drivers license (besides hero) and so sometimes he’ll drive up to the city sunny lives in. he’ll leave friday right after school and stay until sunday evening. sunny’s mom is almost always gone working so it’s nice that basil’s around.

basil is also the only one that sunny’s told about headspace. partly because of the aforementioned "wow everybody else probably hates me for killing mari" and partly because. basil could see "something". he doesnt tell basil everything ofc but he tells him a fair amount, and weirdly basil can guess some stuff before sunny says it. or maybe it’s more than guessing, who’s to say?

at any rate, because basil and sunny know about headspace but the others don’t, that’s another reason that they’re closer even when the main friend group reconnects. aubrey will be over at basils and mention that she’s considering dying her hair purple, and basil flinches and is like "are you sure thats a good idea?" and shes like What Are You On About and then he has to avoid the topic.

obviously the rest of the group Does Not hate sunny and basil (except maybe hero a bit, but not even him really, he’s just in a lot of pain), but it takes a bit to get that through their thick (read: traumatized) heads. it ends up being kel who helps sunny realize that he’s been forgiven.

for basil, oddly, it’s kim—she noticed aubrey was acting weird ever since sunny moved, and she felt guilty about having bullied basil in the past, so she tried to talk to him about it. obviously he didn’t tell her about the whole mari thing, but he tried to help her understand what was going on with aubrey a bit because he still cares about her. yadda yadda yadda kim and basil ended up becoming friends somehow, and bcoz aubrey drags kim (aka kim follows her) to a lot of her hangouts with kel and hero, kim ends up picking up on a bunch of stuff that never gets said out loud. and she convinces basil that he is NOT universally hated by everybody except sunny.

sunny completely loses his eye, and so he wears his eyepatch at pretty much all times except when he’s sleeping. even though he’s home alone. he feels like when he looks at things with his missing eye socket, he can see omori and mari. so he just. covers it lol.

hero dates a lot of girls from college. they never last too long, though. he’s never really managed to get over mari, but he knows she’d want him to, so he’s trying. but none of his relationships really work out since his heart still wholly belongs to a dead girl.

kel still bottles things up for a bit. everybody can tell that he’s upset, but he refuses to admit it, until one day aubrey takes him to one of those places where you just break things. kel first treats it like a joke, but he ends up screaming and crying and shouting while he breaks things.

"SUNNY!! BASIL!! I— FUCK YOU!!! I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU SUNNY, I HATE YOU BASIL, I HATE YOU HERO, I HATE YOU AUBREY, I HATE YOU HERO!!! I WISH YOU GUYS WOULD STOP NEEDING ME FOR JUST A MOMENT!!! WHY AREN’T I ALLOWED TO BREAK DOWN?! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, I HATE ALL OF YOU, EVEN MARI, I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE EVERYTHING, I HATE IT SO MUCH-!!" and etc

but once he gets it all out, he’s a lot better. he’s even more willing to be vulnerable and talk about things. although he’s only really able to bear his soul with aubrey. for what it’s worth, it’s pretty reciprocal.

speaking of aubrey. she’s probably been coping the best for the past four years, but once sunny tells her the truth, she kinda breaks. she copes with self-destructive behavior, and sometimes drugs (mostly just weed, from the maverick). she stays really close with the hooligans, maybe even closer than with the others. it takes years, and sunny and basil’s permission, but eventually she tells kim everything.

when they reach college, they end up going to the same place—except hero, who’s graduated from medical school but is taking online classes for culinary school without telling his parents.

basil and sunny move in together, because. they’re still very very close. aubrey lives in her car. on purpose. most of the hooligans do, to be honest. they’re still super tight-knit. kel lived in college housing, but eventually hero made him move in with him, which ended up being good for them both.

basil and sunny have hallucinations. sunny’s are mostly omori and the stranger (mari’s gone now, and he thinks maybe she wasn’t a hallucination after all but her ghost, who’s finally moved on now that the group is healing enough). basil’s are mostly something, although sometimes he sees the headspace version of himself. sometimes alive, sometimes with his head crushed like a watermelon. (when he talks about it after a particularly bad nightmare, sunny chokes up, because he never told basil that particular detail.)

uhh yeah this is getting too long soo goodbye for now lol

[emry-stars-art]

Just read the whole 'how Andreil pans out' ask and all I'm saying is that I love the idea of Andrew Courting Abram and Abram just absolutely misses that it's what is happening. Part of it is just a cultural difference, Evermore and Palmetto have different courting cultures perhaps?

Another part is that Andrew really does not act all THAT different. He's giving Abram gifts but like Andrew is always giving Abram stuff? It's not new? Yeah they had dinner together but that's just like what they......do?

Another another part is just Abram not even considering himself as someone worthy to be with Prince Andrew like that. He wasn't worthy before and after Evermore and everything I could imagine he feels even less like a person let alone a person who deserves Andrew's positive regard.

IDK I just love the idea of Abram at some point like 6 months into Andrew trying to court him seeing that behavior somewhere else, being told that's how nobility in Palmetto court others, and going to Andrew like "Have you, perchance, been trying to court me?"

Andrew setting his glass aside and looking up from where he's seated, "For 6 moons Abram, glad you've finally noticed." - @jtl-fics

jtl I. Wish. You could have seen my face as I read this, this is so hilarious and heartbreaking and lovely all in one and I’m in LOVE okay i love this so much. And we can totally make it work ahhhhh

Like yes! Yeah! Andrew’s already a gift giver, it’s just what he does as far as Abram’s concerned, and they spend so much time together that dinner isn’t strange those are perfect points. Like to the court it’s starting to become obvious - maybe in the kinds of gifts Andrew gives, or some other small things that are new, yes, but Abram has always taken these things in stride and usually his lack of judgement when Andrew tries new things or changes in little ways is a huge relief but not this time Abram PLEASE

Finally Andrew just bites the bullet and goes for a gesture that’s way more out of character and harder to mistake, which might look something like this (and thank you @leedee013 for tags about them giving each other flowers that I LOVED):

And Abram can’t really form his thoughts into words because like you said; he doesn’t think he should be allowed something like that, there’s no way he’s ever EVER going to assume that Andrew is trying to confess or clue him in to a courting like this, even if it’s in his head now

But then Lady Reynolds sees Abram later heading back to the castle/wherever he stays carrying this bouquet of carnations (fascination), narcissus (honesty/truth) and acacia (hidden love) (let’s not look too closely into these flower meanings lol, i picked the first ones I found and I’ll field all further questions with ‘artistic liberty’ 🫶) and they’re pretty close friends by now so she’s immediately like “oh my GODS Abram who gave that to you”

And Abram quietly says “the prince”

And Allison’s won like three separate bets between various other people of the court and she’s elated

But maybe she takes pity on him when she realizes exactly how clueless Abram is, so she does her best to explain everything and finally, Abram begins to allow the possibility that maybe Andrew is doing all this on purpose. But he would really rather like to be certain.

And of course I had to draw your little exchange but I did it from memory so apologies for the changes in dialogue but I love it:

ANYWAY from there, when it’s cleared up, it’s just them being dumb and sweet and grasping at straws for how to be in love and natural about it (because they’re both very private people and a good number of average/expected acts of courtship aren’t necessarily in their wheelhouse) 😭🥹 and not to add yet more hurt/comfort but Andrew is so so determined to figure out a way to assure and reassure Abram that he knows what he’s doing, yes Abram is worth it, yes he’s doing these things because he wants to. If he didn’t want to he wouldn’t be doing it in the first place. And I’ll bring it back around by using my previously mentioned artistic liberty to say that yes Prince Andrew loves having his hands held/kissed (just by Abram naturally) and Abram figures this out and absolutely uses it against him. They love each other your honor

Okay anyway thank you for the ask, I’m SO lucky to have such brilliant people in my inbox 🥰

[its-the-sa]

it is serious. the ship just comes off as nasty to me and i dont understand it

oh, then I'm sorry for being dismissive. I thought you were just a hater lol.

but in all seriousness, if a ship seems nasty to you, then a logical explanation of it is probably not going to change your mind. squicks are just gut reactions, so it doesn't really matter whether or not you understand the thing that squicks you. and that's ok! if the ship makes you uncomfortable, you should just block the rw regicide tag (or in my case you should probably just block me entirely lol )

but since you did ask sincerely, I'll at least try to explain why I ship it:

basically, I'm just a sucker for the 'enemies to lovers' trope and the 'villain redemption' trope. show me any two characters who fit both of those, and I'll probably ship it lol

I like villain redemption, because I like tragic villains. I like villains whose actions are inexcusable, but understandable. villains who lash out due to grief and end up doing horrible things in the throes of rage. and I like making them feel bad about it. I like villains who know they are monsters, who know they have done despicably evil things and truly hate themselves for it. and I like giving them a second chance. I like to see them feel remorse and turn away from evil and try to become better people.

and I like enemies to lovers because... well, for a lot of reasons that would probably take several thesis papers to unpack, lmao. but basically there's just something really intimate about two characters who can handle each other at their absolute worst, when no one else can. arti is like an unstoppable force of rage until she meets scav king, who is like an immovable object to her. he's willing to fight her and kill her as many times as he needs to, but he never strikes first, and he always gives her the chance to back down. and since he does have min aggression and max sympathy, I see him as the type of person who would easily forgive someone who is genuinely remorseful. he doesn't want to keep the cycle of violence and hatred going; whenever arti is ready to let go of her rage and stop the bloodshed, so is he. when she's ready to face the consequences of her actions and try to become a better person, he would rather support her than condemn her. he doesn't necessarily expect his people to forgive her, and he doesn't try to make excuses for her or downplay any of the harm she caused. i just think he could personally look at arti and find someone worth caring about underneath all the rage and hate, and in turn she could look at him and find someone she can trust enough to let all that hate go and admit she was wrong.

obviously, this type of relationship could never happen in real life (or if it did, it would be a fucking toxic disaster). but they're just characters, so their relationship doesnt have to be realistic, and I just want their story to have a happy ending I guess.

idk if any of this makes sense to you, but it's fine if not. you don't always have to understand why people like things that you don't like, it's ok to just block them for your own peace of mind. so if this ship still makes you uncomfortable, feel free to block me, I wouldn't take offense. stay safe and remember that fandom is for having fun , so dont stress out about it too much!

[anthraxplus]

forgive me for writing so much about tumblr but i have a lot of thoughts

here's the thing about tumblr. i've found it interesting how we continue to call our profiles our "blogs" even though they function differently to the common idea of a blog (like livejournal). but in a way, calling our profiles our blogs makes sense. they're our place to post things we've made or repost content we like. it's more personal than twitter, which has an "information" or "discourse" lens applied to it. the focus on twitter has increasingly been to encourage sharing of information (i.e news or opinions). tumblr's focus has always (afaict) been to encourage sharing of our creations, kinda lumping blogging in there as "self expression" or something to that effect. technically speaking, artists should be more at home on tumblr than on twitter.

but people using their blog as ONLY a blog (no reblogs, just their thoughts or creations - like a livejournal) are in the minority on this site, right? make no mistake, i follow tons of artists who use their blog in a very focused way, but mostly we're all reblogging other people's posts, putting their art on our blogs and riffing in the tags on people's jokes. it is very much a site of Content, Things To Share. the fact that we can blog on here almost feels oddly secondary. but, ok. tumblr is a site for people to post their creations/content, and said content finds an audience through being discovered or reblogged.

so why is it so damn hard to find anything?

like, ok, obviously we can do that. type words into the search bar and you will definitely find posts. but dont you often wonder why the hell some posts showed up in your search and others didnt?

you're telling me filtering searches by top posts of all time isnt showing me the post that has this exact string of text (+- punctuation), but is showing me posts that... have those words in them, scattered, and sometimes not even that exact word ("piss" vs "pissing")?

what about when you try to search for a word or phrase that you KNOW is on a blog in some post, but searching for it brings up NOTHING? i just had to deal with this when searching someone's blog for a specific post i had just seen on my dash - i can only imagine tumblr told me no such post existed because it wasnt tagged with that word.

and all of this feels so obviously wrong, right? even without tags, we should be able to search for words or phrases in a more reliable way on both the site and our blogs. i dont think im alone in the thought that the search function is almost useless - even if it gives me what im looking for sometimes, it can be a struggle, and mostly it just doesnt feel worth it. this is how we can keep ourselves in insular circles and struggle to break out of them. it is literally easier to do this than it is to find new shit.

so, yknow, staff isnt wrong when they say this:

tumblr does need growth, but not necessarily by attracting new users (though, idk, i wouldn't mind that). tumblr needs internal growth. this site is stuck in the early 2010s in a way that is baffling to me, and it has continuously failed to adapt to its userbase's needs in a way that honestly doesnt make sense, and when they do change something, it just ends up causing more strife between staff and users.

so, for example: tumblr needs money to keep functioning, obviously. the common practice is to have ads on the site. but oops, the ads suck and everyone hates them. ok, allow users the option to pay to get rid of ads. but oops, a lot of people dont want to give money to the site that continuously breaks itself (among many other complaints). ok, meet users in the middle and allow them to pay to advertise their stuff - this should be, like, the perfect mix of everything, right? being able to advertise your content on the content site? but oops, this is only a good option because finding new content is so goddamn hard that random people shoving their posts onto your dash is the only remaining viable option. when you have to rely on pure chance/luck for your posts to even be found, even when you do everything in your power to increase their visibility, you're not gonna want to stay here.

i feel like addressing the search function should be the staff's top priority before they implement anything else. we need to be able to find content on the content site. i think thats pretty obvious. once it works the way it already should have, then they can worry about what comes after. i think people feel this animosity with staff because we're struggling to continue to use this site while they struggle to find ways to get money out of us. i think if people felt they could actually use tumblr in the way it intuitively feels like it should be used, that kind of animosity would be more rare*. but until we get that, any change to the site is going to feel wrong.

fwiw though, i'm glad to see staff say that the site basically doesn't work. like. goddamn. took them long enough. i just hope (probably baselessly) that their acknowledgement of this issue will lead to some fixes that benefit the foundational usage of the site.

*yes, there is animosity towards staff for other reasons - like, yknow, how innocuous selfies of trans women get flagged as "mature" (among other things) - but that's an issue of culture/enforcement and not necessarily the raw function of the site, so i feel like it's best suited for a different post

tl:dr PLEASE FIX THE FUCKING SEARCH FUNCTION, IT NEVER SHOULD'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO BE THIS BAD AND I THINK ITS ISSUES HAVE BEEN A MAJOR REASON FOR TUMBLR'S STEADY DECLINE

[forcedhesitation]

not the usual rant...

but I haven't been on twitter in a while, and all for the better really, I'm starting to accept. people will preach endlessly about how you can "curate" your experience, but I just do not think that is possible of twitter.

the practice of quote retweeting bigots/bigoted bait posts is way too common, even amongst people who genuinely have something intelligent to say in response and do not care for the engagement the qrt might bring them. I swear, it doesn't matter how many people I mute, block, or unfollow...there's always someone who's qrting some scummy shithead's terrible opinion. I really don't need to see you qrting a transphobe to know you do not stand with them... likewise, I think I can safely say that most people belonging to a marginalised and/or minority group would much rather you ignored those bigots' accounts entirely, and spent your time...oh idk...educating yourself, or directly supporting us and other peoples facing oppression.

then there's all the ignorant, and often wilful, misinterpreting of people's words...the complete lack of understanding some people have that, no, someone cannot fit an entire dissertation's worth of nuance into 200 or so characters of commentary. that, or someone will see a tweet of a partially expressed opinion and a (1/5) tacked on the end, and still only respond to that first tweet in the thread, completely ignoring the rest of the person's commentary because they were overcome with immeasurable lust at the mere opportunity to "dunk" on someone. not to get too personal, but I have a problem with understanding how sincere people are, and thus always feel as though I must make my own thoughts and intentions as clear as possible. and I feel as though being on twitter genuinely makes that problem worse for me. it's hard to tell if people are saying what they are because they care, because they want engagement, or because they are plainly an asshole.

and of course, seeing awful fandom related crap is also unavoidable because twitter has a terrible tagging system. the worst out of all the major social media sites, I'd argue. the algorithm hides posts with too many tags, so it's not necessarily possible for you to mute something upsetting or irritating, and avoid seeing those things. not that people would tag some of the things they post, anyway, because while a system to warn people of mature content exists, most users do not actually use that feature. this is a problem that obviously extends beyond just fandom, and that is where the real issue lies. regularly you will encounter videos of real life carnage, pornography, and the like, posted just...wherever! under a tweet announcing a celebrity's passing, under a piece of artwork, or through a qrt trying to "make a point." it's awful.

I hate the whole atmosphere of the site, there is so much of this...careless subjecting of others to cruelty, to violence, to bigotry...all for the sake of attention. people are so unbelievably rude to each other, because they've cultivated an echo chamber in which their negativity is being rewarded, and so they are driven to say just the nastiest things imaginable to total strangers. and this will be under the guise of "activism," or of "intellectual superiority," or simply because you tweeted something random about a character, or a musician, that you do not particularly care for. it's pure madness. I do not understand how people can willingly spend hours on that website.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

#the problem is I'm increasingly convinced something is wrong with me #or why would people keep leaving

Please feel free to ignore this unsolicited whatever it is, and I know it doesn't actually fix the fact that people leaving constantly, well, sucks. It just sucks! And hurts a lot. And same hat on that one, no suggestions. I've managed to make a couple friends but I'm not sure they'll stick around and I don't feel like I really get people, and at this point maybe I never will.

But. I had a friend say something similar to your tags recently, and it struck me as weird because. They're a pretty unusual person! But I realized, that's /why/ I like them. I'm unusual too, I think. Or I've been told anyway. But that's *why* I like them, they feel like home. We've both had issues with making and maintaining relationships in the past (and now honestly) but that's kinda. Why we're friends. And I'm glad we're friends, and I feel less upset about being [whatever it is that makes people-ing so hard] if it's the reason I got to know certain people.

So I don't know you that well and I hope this doesn't come off as. Weird or presumptive. But realizing it made me feel better so I wanted to say. Sometimes people leaving does mean you're *different* or even idk incompatible? With a lot or most people. But that's not the same thing as there being something *wrong* with you. There's no moral value or value otherwise in having trouble finding people you vibe with, necessarily. It does suck! And it makes sense to feel like there's something wrong. But people leaving doesn't mean there is you know? Sometimes we just have to find other people that are weird in the same ways. Which can be really hard. But I hope things get better for you.

And for what it's worth, I've only followed you on Tumblr for a couple years so I know that's a (very) limited perspective. But I've only ever thought you seem cool and interesting and tbh relatable in terms of life stuff. [Insert exhausted autistic aroace fist bump here]

That's very kind of you and I really appreciate you taking the time to say it. 💜

[uighean]

grabbing this from @galacticlamps bc I am nothing if not narcissus staring into a pond ig!!

What book are you currently reading?

I've just picked war and peace back up after ditching it for a couple months!! I'm like. a quarter of the way through ahjgfkdg. getting there.

What's your favourite movie you saw in a cinema this year?

god I think the last thing I saw at the cinema was the broadcast of a coldplay concert?? (which was rlly good & I do need to pick up the dvd. like. I need to own footage of people of the pride being performed live thank you) but I have NO idea what I saw at the cinema before that omg. definitely nothing this year

What do you usually wear?

if I'm out, then a kilt + button-up shirt/tshirt + knee-high socks + docs. maybe a waistcoat or leather jacket if it's a bit colder

How tall are you?

5'3"ish! I am. small.

What's your star sign?

pisces! I don't care about zodiac stuff at all but I do think it's funny that there's sailors + fishermen on both sides of my family, my star sign is a fish, and yet I get terribly seasick

Do you share your birthday with a celebrity or historical event?

I mean probably but I also share my birthday with my fav animal crossing villager & that's worth more to me than any celebrity tbh

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

just by my name! I've never really been one for nicknames.

Did you grow up to be what you wanted to be as a child?

absolutely not haha. think I kinda talked about this in some tags the other day but I wanted to be a vet right up until I was in late high school/starting uni, & then it all just. dried up. have wound up working in museum collections management & I love it!!!

Are you in a relationship? Who is your crush if not?

yes!!! with @ettelwenailinon ❣️💕💞💓

What's something you're good at versus something you're bad at?

ogufjkdh I am clean out of ideas for this one so I'm gonna say. I'm the gay who can drive and also the gay who can't cook <3

Dogs or cats?

cats, 100%. dogs are cute (& I have a massive soft spot for enormous female dogs who are terrified of everything) but I wouldn't own one. but at the end of the day I am a horse person over everything

What's something you'd like to create content for?

hmm idk!! I think I'm already """"creating content"""" for everything I want to be tbh. I would like to actually learn how to draw but not necessarily anything specific, you know

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

well if you've been around my blog lately you might have picked up on the fact that I'm a little obsessed with holding achilles right now. like, watching it all the way through every day obsessed whoops.

(I need to sit down and actually write out my notes on it bc I have a LOT of thoughts but that's going to inevitably end with me making actual spreadsheets. of recurring motifs and when they crop up. rn I want to figure out all the references to prophecy vs promises (there's an overarching meta in my head about like. the way achilles and patroclus relate to death and responsibility, respectively, and how that drives their dynamic/the plot), but also all the different ways their relationship is defined/described by themselves and others? and how that relates to how ultimately what they want is to be unknown, and the kind of. queer idea of being undefinable. I'm being SO normal about all this if you can't tell)

tbh it's thrown me back into greek mythology in general. I have been watching so many greek god vine compilations & they all absolutely send me

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

eurovision.................. god the songs this year are so. there's a handful of ones that are pretty good but so many are just boring pop songs. take me back to 2021. I'm hinging my entire sanity on kalush orchestra's winner's performance tbh that's going to be the highlight of the night

What's a hidden talent of yours?

ok I said I'm the gay I can't cook but the one thing I can make is potatoes. I do really good mashed/roast potatoes. mutuals you are invited over for this

Are you religious?

nope! my family's never been religious for as long as I've been alive, and I just. don't believe in anything. not necessarily ruling anything out though, the universe is very big. and like, I think I have a kind of spirituality in some ways? like I have some vague beliefs about objects holding stories/memories. but I think that's a function of working in a museum gkfjhds, you can't help but personify stuff a bit

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

the uk visa I'm applying for............................ or the truly ridiculous amount of money I paid for it. god why is it so expensive.

not tagging anyone bc I think this was technically meant to be for new year's??? but hey if anyone wants to do it, you're welcome :)

[soleadita]

Re your tags about the school major.... literally one of the biggest turnoffs for me about majoring in psych was being preached to by a bunch of middle aged white men about white men theories and they all thought they were the absolute shit and I was SOooooo just. Oh I was so fed up by graduation lol

LITERALLY. literally. oh my GOD. (ok so i tried really hard to answer this normally but it ended up being a rant of epic proportions and in hindsight i fear it's only tangentially related to your actual ask but i spent too long writing it so it's gonna stay.)

most of my professors were, thank god, not quite Like That (mostly older white women, which could be frustrating in other ways, but i cannot imagine having to take a bunch of white man psych dudes seriously for that long, holy shit) but boy oh BOY do i have one specific grievance to air.

so my major was specifically focused on child development (which officially spans ages 0-18 yrs), and basically we went through three years of like The Stages of Development (piaget, erikson, freud, vygotsky, etc) and Theories and The Major Studies and developmental milestones and preschool lab, and then in our fourth year, there was one (1!!!!!!) required class that was essentially like "cultural perspectives on xyz." (the titling of the class was absolute bullshit btw. cultural perspectives? as if we weren't already being taught from a cultural perspective. like, ok.)

the specifics of the class as a whole have mostly been lost to me at this point, but the gist was essentially "by the way, all the super old linear theories of development we've been drilling into your head aren't as widely applicable as everyone acts like they are and may, in fact, lead to detrimental assessments of people whose culture and backgrounds and experiences differ from the white upper-middle class cishet able-bodied male norm." (i did, for funsies, dig through my google docs this evening and skim some of my old notes. SHIT WAS WILD. god.) and i just remember feeling simultaneously super underwhelmed (like, yes, i figured this out two years ago and it would've been nice to get more than 10 weeks worth of a class on it?) and incensed (WHY ISN'T THIS MORE CENTRAL TO THE CURRICULUM FOR THE ENTIRE DEGREE?).

it's like. idk. when i wanted a tamale recipe that would taste close to my grandma's, i googled it in spanish, bc when i google it in english i get assaulted by white lady food blogs. but googling in spanish gives vastly different (and much more helpful) results. and that's kinda how i felt by the end of my degree. like, what would this have looked like if i studied it in other countries and in other languages? what's in their textbooks? who are the other scholars? and that's also tricky, i guess, because i get the sense that academia is pretty gatekept across the board, and it's not like going to other places is gonna change that necessarily? but still. other non-us-centric perspectives at the fucking least.

and the thing that kills me is like...wouldn't this be so much more exciting if we could pick this apart and examine it from multiple angles? and wouldn't you be equipping these future teachers or occupational therapists or social workers etc etc so much better? and wouldn't your research be stronger? and wouldn't you be able to better understand and serve and care for the children and families you're trying to work with? and how are you content to sit in your tenured position and teach the same shit quarter after quarter when you know there's SO MUCH MORE TO THE PUZZLE that you're NOT LOOKING AT?

ANYWAY. this is so far removed from the original point. i'm so sorry. i just love bitching and commiserating about shit like this. <3

[tendrael-umbra]

Rarepair tag game!

Rules: List the top rarepairs that you like outside of your OTP, and why you ship it! (Criteria for what makes a rarepair is up to your own discretion.)

HP edition.

@youknowmevj said anyone can have a go and we’re mutuals so I’ll count that as a tag.

My favourite rarepairs:

Harry Potter/Tracey Davis: Tracey is just as much of a blank slate character as the oft-shipped Daphne, but has less fanon tropes applied to her, and her status as a halfblood could put her in some interesting positions.  Alas, she’s rarely used as anything besides a foil to Daphne, let alone shipped with Harry.  I personally enjoy headcanoning Tracey as having severe ADHD, making her a foil to my headcanon of Daphne being autistic.

fem!Voldemort/Bellatrix: Honestly, Bellatrix does tend to read as more of a lesbian to me, and I think that a lesbian version of this ship would be really good.  Alas, most fics that genderbend Voldemort do so with the sole intention of shipping her with Harry.  I don’t have any problems with that, but I do want to see more variety.  My fic, Unseen Perspective, is probably the closest I’ve seen to this pairing existing.

Harry/Delphini: There’s a lot of fun to be had here.  It puts Harry in a similar compromising position Tomarry but without potentially defusing the entire plot by removing the antagonist.  Unfortunately, Delphini would need to be born earlier for the fic to really juice it for all the drama it’s worth, and Delphini’s origin in Cursed Child is already contentious enough that many authors would rather ignore her than explore her character in different circumstances.  It would be fun for more fics to just use the “Voldemort’s daughter character” without necessarily tying her to Cursed Child.

Lily/James/Sirius: idk what it is, but I LOVE seeing these three in a triad together.  I like it a lot in the backstory for To Reach Without, and I remember Malarkia alluding to it as well, which really excited me.  I think it would be fun to see more often, either as backstory or in a fic.

Hermione/Daphne: I’m not sure why these two aren’t paired together given the relative popularity of Harry/Daphne fics, but I’ve only ever found a small handful of good fics in the pairing.  Despite the tropes associated with the Haphne pairing not always being the best, there’s a charm to a lot of them and I’d love to see lesbian versions with Hermione as the female lead instead.

fem!Harry/fem!Draco: Only seen this one two or three times, but it’s been consistently enjoyable each time.  I thought I had an issue with Drarry for a long time, but I think I mostly just disliked the way most slash fics are written, since they made me feel vaguely uncomfortable and sometimes a little dysphoric.  Making the pairing into a lesbian one made me realise that and I’ve kept a casual eye on the pairing.

[mediapen]

❤️‍🩹 | did you see Carlos’s interview with the BBC… (emphasis mine)

“I had to reinvent myself in many ways.”

“I am not proud, because I am not ahead. The day I am ahead in the statistics is the day I will be proud.”

“Every time I do an interview and say my positives and I read them, I say: 'Ah, this sounds super-arrogant.' Maybe I go more towards the humble too much and stay in that way—modest. But whenever I see something a bit arrogant, I kill myself for it.”

“I am relatively cold-blooded in many aspects of life…Sometimes maybe too much. And I don't show maybe my tension, passion. But it is also something I work on.”

i did!! (very brief initial thoughts in tags) and i immediately filed it away with gq in terms of its Weight. sure, a lot of it isn't new, but it's a sportsperson interview. nothing's ever new. the language is, though. the language is insane.

but your emphases are like. yeah. yeah. exactly. all of it. like i said, the strength of the language just sticks for me. repeatedly talking about reinvention. 'i kill myself for it' who the fuck says that to a journalist lol.

BIG fan of calling him a thoughtful perfectionist. succinct. dead accurate. all this self-reflection and self-criticism all just reads like he's very concerned about... not even being misrepresented, necessarily, but the fact that HE can't express himself the 'right' way - in his OWN eyes - and he has some driving need to fix that. and maybe his critical close reading of his own interviews is a product of that whole culture of sports journalism and fan consumption where like three outlets get granted an interview and the rest quote the juiciest scraps without attribution or context idk. it's just WILD as a SPORTSMAN to come back to your MEDIA appearances-slash-existing-on-camera and say oh i didnt perform these specific attributes in the right way i'm gonna work on that. spends half his time in that interview going yeah yeah *I* know my worth i don't care about what anyone else thinks and i won't bring attention to the good. btw here's everything i hate about me for free take it or leave it. really truly the thing about carlos is he can't be good unless he's perfect.

[tanushakyrano]

(since I assume this is in character)

Kayo, for the ask game, can you tell me what the show got wrong? I know it's a dramatisation of actual events but what didn't you like them showing?

Thanks!

hey! oh geez i didn't realise my username might confuse people - I'm not a roleplay blog im afraid! ill still answer this though (for TAG specifically bc I've only seen a few of TOS), just out of character, sorry :(

I've been sitting for five minutes trying to figure out an answer! I guess I'll go with the disregard of Scott and Gordon's military history in TAG? like there is absolutely no mention of it, although it's established canon for the original series, and they never go into the boys' backstories in general but especially with the military history it would obviously have an effect on their personalities, thought processes etc. idk this is such a hard question and i havent rewatched the show in a while...

thank you for the ask!!! (and for what it's worth, i think kayo would be mad that they didn't show her caring for her brothers much. not necessarily her being a massive softie but she'd hate the implication that she's only a chief of security and wouldn't do anything for her family - including the littler things like helping alan with homework and giving virgil feedback on his latest painting.)

[fencesandfrogs]

i think the point is, whether or not having to plan around your mom's emotions is bad in a particular scenario kind of depends on the consequences of not doing so.

if the consequences involve her removing access to some basic need, then it's bad because your mom is responsible for providing those and that responsibility should not be conditioned on your behavior.

so i think the crux of the issue, based on what little of the discussion i've seen, is that you do not believe "not getting yelled at for being irresponsible" is something you inherently deserve from your mom, while others around you do.

i also think a possible miscommunication could be happening here; afaik the issue is not "you being irresponsible" necessarily but "you have no memory of what happened to the previous money" which given you have documented memory problems, would pull into question whether yelling at you for that is fair or reasonable.

so when you say "my mom yelling at me for being irresponsible doesn't stop my needs from being met" and others say "your mom yelling at you for being irresponsible is not meeting your needs"

they're maybe actually saying "your mom yelling at you for symptoms of mental illness is not meeting your needs"

so like. idk your life well enough to judge. but i think the question is a) is it irresponsibility or Symptoms (or both)? and b) does yelling at you for symptoms (esp if they're outside your control) count as not meeting your needs?

(also idk if you are counting emotional needs in this discussion. but. as someone who didn't for a really long time and then learned i have neglect-related trauma, it might be worth considering if you're not)

anon i cannot thank you enough for this ask because i've been so confused about this discussion. i was joking with my friends, like, i've seen people have this moment on tumblr before, and i've always been sympathetic, but always like...here hold on screenshot

[transcript: me watching [redacted] do this: i see that you're legitimately confused but i don't know how anyone could break it down any clearer.

me doing this: what the fuck are people saying to me /end transcript]

and now i'm like. "you are all explaining things to me clearly with good words and i should be able to understand them, but i can't."

urgh my hands are cold i know you will experience no time gap but i have to do dishes so i will.

the crux of the issue ... is that you do not believe "not getting yelled at for being irresponsible" is something you inherently deserve from your mom

yeah, pretty much? not that. urgh i'll feel guilty if i don't bring this up but my mom doesn't yell so much as. make you feel like you got yelled at without raising her voice. i've been saying "yell" because there's no short way of saying what she does, and the emotional impact is the same. (source: i've been thru both)

okay that guilt avoided.

anyway yeah, you summed that up pretty well. like...the need is still met if she yells at me. i don't have some inherent right to not get yelled at. she feeds me. that's the need. closed loop.

the issue is not "you being irresponsible" necessarily but "you have no memory of what happened to the previous money"

i don't think i have much to say this was just. an angle i hadn't looked at it from before? i think i've been rly focused on my mom and i know that she doesn't rly care about that kind of thing? she didn't care abt it when i was a kid at least. whenever i complained abt my memory she told me not to make excuses. so like.

i dunno. i feel like it's still irresponsible of me? i doubt i spent it on anything essential. i know when i spent money on some fun stuff i specifically texted my mom and asked her to pull from my savings for that, because i was spending on fun stuff. so like. even if i don't remember it, it's still the same problem?

hm. this whole post will get the commentary welcome tag but i'm specifically saying if people have thoughts on this i'd like to hear them.

they're maybe actually saying "your mom yelling at you for symptoms of mental illness is not meeting your needs"

hm.

urgh i feel all turbulent and weird about this. it's like i know i've said all different things about this? to everyone. to my therapist and my friends and on this blog.

i don't.

sorry i'm feeling really staticky.

okay took a little break because my brain was getting soupy. i think you're right about this, although...i dunno. ig intellectually i get why they're upset, but it feels hard to be upset about it. for whatever reason, i can't apply the rules i'd apply to other people to myself. i don't know why. that's just...how things are.

a) is it irresponsibility or Symptoms (or both)? and b) does yelling at you for symptoms (esp if they're outside your control) count as not meeting your needs?

things to talk about with my therapist, presumably. i'm certainly not finding answers to this all tonight. mostly putting this here to highlight it for later.

idk if you are counting emotional needs in this discussion

honestly i don't even know.

i don't really see all of this as a "basic" need. like, if i accept the premise as true, that she isn't supposed to be like this, i still don't think this is about basic needs. i have food, water, and shelter. i'm getting an education. i have healthcare. idk what my list of basic needs would be, but this whole deal wouldn't be on them.

sigh.

i kinda wanna cry and call my mom about this but i can't call her about her :(

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Social Media Clues via Big Sky

Okay, so this is kinda small potatoes, but call it a social media weirdness for this week. (Actually, it was posted last week.)

At first, it caught my eye because Jensen Ackles. I watched SPN and I'm a big fan of his. I definitely don't follow what he does anywhere near as closely as TWD, but obviously I follow him on IG, etc. But if you notice the caption, it mentions "new sheriff in town."

Now, normally, I wouldn't read into that. His buddy Jared Padelecki (also of SPN) does the new Walker Texas Ranger show, and Jensen produces, I think, so I thought this was in reference to that. But, futher down, it says @bigskyabc.

That caught my attention. Why would there be a “new sheriff in town” quote paired with Big Sky?

If you’ve followed me for very long, you’ve probably seen a few of my Big Sky posts. I've talked about it a few times as having TD symbolism in it. ABC is a sister studio to AMC, so they routinely give actors from TWD jobs there.

Overall, what I see in Big Sky is intriguing, but also pretty small potatoes. I think they use similar themes as in TWD, and it does shed some light and also let us know that we aren’t imagining the things we see in TWD (not that most of us have thought that for awhile) but I also don’t recommend everyone go watch it because maybe Beth will show up there or something. No, not at all. It’s just a small side thing that’s…kind of interesting.  

Anyway, I wondered why Jensen had tagged them. Then I swiped to his second pic. This is why:

Now, I think that's great for Jensen! I'll totally be more excited to watch Big Sky moving forward if he's in it. (Yeah!) But once again we have a tie between not just TWD, but BETH and Big Sky. Obviously, he's going to show up as a sheriff of some kind, and they're using the "new sheriff in town" line to sell it. I'm just saying.

More clues to TWD themes in Big Sky. And throw in Jensen Ackles to boot. I’m totally down!  😁

One other thing, and we’re not totally sure it’s related, but worth mentioning at least. Here’s a short conversation we had:

@galadrieljones​:

The thing about Jensen just made me think about how Emily tweeted recently about moving to Montana. I don’t think it’s related, because Big Sky is not actually filmed in Montana, but it does take place here. The show Yellowstone is filmed here, the big ranch where it’s partially filmed in my county, toward the park. Our friend Anne works on the production, but Yellowstone has nothing to do with Big Sky. Idk why Emily would ever imagine moving here lol unless there was something she was filming here. Isn’t she from Nebraska?

@twdmusicboxmystery​:

I didn’t think about her Montana tweet. I don’t know what it means either but (and maybe this is a stretch) if it’s a coordinated marketing effort where the hints are concerned, I could see her Montana tweet pointing toward Big Sky. Not because Emily will necessarily have anything to do with that show, but because it’s part of the AMC umbrella and they’re using it to drop hints. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Very convoluted, I know. 

But the other thing I was thinking about is that, a LONG time ago, Jensen and Michael Cudlitz put out a funny pic together. I bet I could find it. It was right after Abraham died and MC left the show as a character. 

Bc Negan killed him and JDM played the dad on SPN, it was just this funny picture of the two of them. Truly just them being funny and entertaining the fans. But if Jensen is working for ABC now, and we know MC does work for them and AMC both in front of and behind the camera, and may return in the Tales spin-off, there are some interesting ties here.

I really don’t have an overarching theory or anything. Not saying Jensen will be on TWD. He’s a busy guy and probably not. But since JDM joined the show, I’ve always thought it would be fun to have both Jensen and Jared guest star. Just as minor characters who get eaten by walkers by the end of the episode. They’ll both totally love that, I think, and if they shared the screen with JDM for even a minute, all the crossover SPN fans would jump for joy. Lol. It would just be fun. That’s all.

@galadrieljones:

Omg I would die if this happened lol. I’ll also say when I first read this I read it like, characters from “Lost” will be in the spin-off. Unrelated but there are a lot of crossovers. Kim Dickens being the most obvious, but Cudlitz was also in an episode of Lost in season 2. He was in one of Ana Lucia’s backstory episodes, played her partner on the LAPD. Question—Is AMC affiliated w ABC? I didn’t realize Big Sky was under the AMC umbrella?

@twdmusicboxmystery:

It’s more that AMC and ABC are under the same umbrella. Sister companies bc the same studio owns both of them. That’s why you see actors go between the two channels. Emily, Lauren Cohen, MC, and the actresses that played Asha and Cyndie (Oceanside) have all done ABC shows during times when they weren’t active parts of TWD. I think the studio does that to give them work until their characters are needed on TWD again. And that’s exactly why it’s so suspicious that Emily had done multiple small show for ABC, but not taken any other major parts for other networks. It shows she still has a contract here. And all the other characters who’ve done this have reappeared at some point, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@galadrieljones:

Oh okay. I got it. Kind of like how old characters from the WB days have made a lot of appearances in CW shows, SPN in particular. Ah. That’s actually very interesting!

Maybe there will be “Lost” characters in the spin-off then, as Lost was in ABC (just kidding but according to the insane time traveling universe in Lost I wouldn’t be surprised lol).

@twdmusicboxmystery:

Okay, so obviously we’re all having some fun head canons about our favorite shows. But the first part—the fact that Jensen actually used the phrase “new sheriff in town” can’t possibly be a coincidence, in my opinion. If anything comes of these other connections (and truly, nothing may) it would just be icing on the cake.

Thoughts?

[steelycunt]

I think one of the most heartbreaking things to me about canon (and why I don’t think about it as often) is that it never gives r/s the time to become better versions of themselves. at least not permanently. they go through ups and downs but I truly believe that if they’d had more time, things would have been better or healthier (as healthy as those two can be). like, all these tragic things that happen to them kinda stun their character development sometimes instead of developing it further. like sirius getting killed off as soon as he is offered a new chance at a happy-ish life and undoing all the progress that could’ve taken place after he got out of azkaban. or like the war looming over them as soon as they really start growing up and figuring out how to work together to the best of their abilities, forcing them into more than a decade of constant unhappiness. and of course this develops their characters (as in adds to their story and alters their personalities) but does not necessarily help them grow as people, yk?. they grow up too fast and sacrifice huge pieces of themselves in the process. it’s probably why I gravitate towards putting them in scenarios where they are free to explore their relationship and who they want to become, as individuals and as partners, without that ticking clock looming over them. and of course when you remove the war and/or death aspects some parts of their personalities change that would not have had the chance to shine through in canon, but I also think that’s worth exploring (i think that more canon-compliant things are also very interesting and worth exploring btw. I’m referring to all the frustrating bs j*r did to their characters without any forethought. but it all makes me so desperately sad i often don’t want to do it myself) their story is just so depressing that I feel like they deserve a chance at growing without being smacked in the face right after they show an attempt at changing their more destructive behaviors. I just want sirius’ constant attempts to Be Good to have fruitful results :-(( and I want remus to loathe himself less and be happy and stable (ish). like. god I love them.

this is also why I love all of the things we discuss here and your consistently correct opinions. I feel like I’m constantly figuring out who I want r/s to be and hearing what others think really helps point out some things I hadn’t considered. like, I had never really given a lot of thought to the different ways in which remus reacts to sirius and peter, but now that someone pointed it out it is sooo important!!! like, thanks anon. also, I agree with everyone else: it’s easier to loathe himself for loving sirius than to stop doing it — sentence of all time. my favorite pastime is to go through the r and s tags on your blog and just read and analyze everything like I’m in an english class or perhaps a very small book club

hi bab! totally agree. i mean even if you're looking at their canon characters (i.e. disregarding r/s) neither of them are really given the chance to grow at all because jkr was never interested in fleshing out her side characters or really giving them meaningful resolutions--they were just props used to further harry's story and heighten its tragedy. that is the only reason i can think of for killing sirius when she did lol i cannot imagine any arc for him in which it would make sense for him to die at that point. it served no deeper purpose and honestly it was kind of lazy...same goes for remus honestly. it was apparently meant to provide an example of war creating orphans or something?? which idk. idk you had two other guys who already did that and one of them was like...the main guy. but whatever. and as you say canon events like the first war are interesting (personally way more interesting to me than the second war but maybe i just hate all the characters who are still alive by then) but also they provide a jumping off point to explore the characters after that which just. doesn't happen in the book. they deserve better i agree :-(

and thank you!! having these conversations with you lot is so fun and you all have the most interesting takes :-) we are a little club we're drinking tea and taking it in turns to speak and sitting on comfy chairs and everything xx MWAH!! <3

[acidic--citrus]

i didnt want to BLAST op in my last rb with an absolute Wall of tags on like, a two digit note post ,

so im just gonna.... hurl them here

CW: personal vent post, really negative thoughts look away ^^ i just have to get this written down somewhere or else ill Explode, Actually.

its been almost a year since the unfair firing incident at project moon, and for the last few, like... Months, at this point, ive just been reeeeeeaaaaaally thinking hard about the entire thing, processing overtime how bad it really was, what its a symptom of, and, looking towards the future, how i want to move on from it

coincidentally its also now a little over the 1 year mark of my getting into the pjm games, and what used to bring me out of my depressive catatonic states has now thrown me Ass First into a Series of them

what i thought was a unique world and a lovely, hopeful narrative, i now realize was just a house-of-mirrors-esque distorted reflection of the world and society we live in

i thought they had a heartfelt and sincere underlying message in their works about humanity and connection, but with how pjm handled the real life situation and INSTANTLY bent its knees and prioritized its money-making incel fanbase over the safety and wellbeing of a Real Human Employee who had NOTHING to do with the situation, its obvious that all of it was hollow to begin with, and now just comes across as "what if capitalism.... but with cool people fighting in cool ways,.. AND monsters!!!" and i just can Not take anything the story tries to meaningfully say (if it ever was in the first place) seriously now

its all showy fireworks that fizzle out fast with nothing substantial behind them: eye candy, fanservice

and that entire ordeal, or rather reviewing the entire ordeal in my head and thinking about it agonizingly over the course of many months, really hammered it in for me that theres no way any form of entertainment out there is worth the livelihood of a real life human being

(and this is where pjm stops being as relevant, but is definitely where all of the next stuff stemmed from)

which got me thinking even further; if no happiness built off of the unhappiness of another is worth it, why does the world at large look the way it is now? call it disillusionment or waking up from my naivety, but i, keeping in mind the worlds other issues at large, like how everyone is fully and wholly documenting how a genocide is going down and the world just merely watches it unfold, realized that Ah. Truly we are So Fucked

i began spiraling further, thinking more and more and began buckling under the weight of problems too unfathomably large for anyone to tackle by themselves—could any of these even be solved within my lifetime as we are now?

to wrap things up, basically its become so so so incredibly hard to want to keep living

(that doesnt necessarily mean i want to die though; i personally make a distinction between the two)

its so hard to wake up feeling like theres something worth doing anymore

create art and make things? its hard to do that when your wrist hurts and youre so slow at everything and it feels like time passes by at x2 speed for you but everyone else seems fine and able to function and you cant help but wish you could hard reset your brain </3 its getting hard to think and articulate and imagine and process and its so discouraging for me.. i find myself wishing there were 36 hours in the day to compensate.....

enjoy a game or novel? its hard when every flicker of happiness feels so frivolous n trivial and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. like okay so i was reading like. last night, right? and everytime like something idk funny or cute happened i was instantly hit with a reality check and became insantly depressed. like what is that. thats so unfair. pit felt like i was going through moodswings in x18 speed. i could Feel the mania brain chemical get to me and then id be Ass Blasted with cortisol and brain numbness not a goddamn second later. what the fuck do you do then ?

i know ill live and all, as when i imagine myself dead or dying it doesnt feel quite right

but being comfortable and living comfortably like this, in my room, safe from the outside, that doesnt sit right with me either

eating is hard. sleeping is hard. i dont want a body. i dont want to have to take care of it. i think i want to disperse into bubbles

maybe ill start writing or something, as words seem to be what im running to for solace nowadays (<- balls deep in webnovel) since HHHHOIAUUURRGGGHHHHH...... WHY must i be an artist why must i be afflicted with the maddening urge to create at all times. i think a lobotomy would fix me

hhhaaaaaahhhh on the topic of creating and art, drawn art specifically, uuuugggghhhhhhhhh drags hand down face FUCK.... SOMETIMES I SEE A REALLY GOOD PIECE OF ART AND IM STRUCK WITH INSPIRATION AND AWE AND RESPECT AND IM LIKE ugghhhhh fuckkkk not AGAIN..... if i dont get something out of these hands right tf now...... and then i beat myself up mentally over not acting on that urge and letting it pass over me because uhm.... WRIST PROBLEMS!!!!! ^^ !!!!! + BRAIN SLOW (and i dont want to be reminded of that fact)!!!!!! ^^

[dopepoisonivyoncrack]

Lately I've been given the feeling that my support for someone isn't worth as much as others and my first thought was that I hope I've never made someone feel like I do now.

I get uneasy too. I know the feeling of putting a piece of myself out there and hoping for the best or just to not get pushed down for it. I, too, sometimes post something and think 'oh I bet my x or y mutual/follower will like this', judging by our usual interactions, and peak in the notes every so often to see if they saw and reacted to it, and get a little disappointed if they didn't. But I always try to rein in my thoughts, it's my battle with the dark thoughts, and I appreciate every like and reblog and tag and comment. They help me fight them back better.

Idk, I've never been popular, so idk how it is to have hundreds of reactions to every artwork. I've seen them get nasty ones too... the more popular, the higher chances of some rotten apples getting in the garden as well, so yeah... I guess not all support is equally genuine there. I am quality over quantity. It's a lonely place to be, for sure, but at least I can trust the ones that have given me their support have meant it and I appreciate each one of them, especially if it has been continuous.

I've tried to reach out from my shell more often than usual, to show appreciation and friendship, done so respectfully (don't recall being rude but there's always the possibility of being misunderstood, I guess??)... I tried to be understanding, not insisting, not take it personally when not replied.... I've simply left a piece of my love in their inbox like a cat leaving a dead mouse gift on their beloved human doorstep. Its up for them to take it or leave it, my love for the art piece itself doesn't necessarily weaken but I am sure more reluctant from further engaging when basically told it doesn't matter as much as someone else's.