#<-for my own sorting purposes srry

[girlmetalsonic]

GUESS WHO GOT A DRAWING TABLET

some random whiteboard doodles from me trying to get used to it

[stannienight]

Hi, first of all, i love your writing is very good ❤️ And second i don't know how to request so this is my first time.

Anyways, i'm writing a wattpad about Saiki x a deaf reader who has bakery and Saiki visits her every day to talk, and eventually he falls in love with her but he doesn't want to accept it, you know, bc he is a tsundere xd

The thing is i blocked and i don't know how to make Saiki to confesses to her without getting out of character. So could you make a oneshot him confessing to her and how she reacts about it bc it's the first time someone say that to her?

Plss~ you would help me a lot. (Srry if my english is bad, i speak spanish)

hi! i'm slow as hell, but let me just say that i love this idea! of a deaf reader x saiki, i mean, i think that's really cute, and i'd love it if you could send me the link to the fic once you're done writing it <3 here's your request!

for plot purposes, saiki can't hear others' thoughts with the germanium ring on, but can transmit his own!

she/her pronouns 1.2k fluff!

saiki k x deaf! reader (confession)

The bakery feels heavenly to him as he opens the door for the hundredth time- the heady scent of fresh bread and cookies invades his senses, and he stands in the doorway for a second, reveling in it.

Saiki!

Her familiar voice stands out from the rest in his mind. Maybe her mind-voice is just louder, to compensate for lack of an actual proper speaking skill. It's cheery, and immediately followed by an onslaught of more thoughts.

I'm so glad he's here. Seeing him feels strangely nice. Shit, he can probably hear what I'm thinking, right?

Saiki had had to come clear to her about his psychic status, because there was no taking back a thought he had already transmitted. Needless to say, she'd felt shocked out of her senses the first time she heard him in her brain, and for a fleeting second she thought her hearing had come back. Alas, it was not so- but she was glad to have someone she could talk to without fear of embarrassing herself.

He can't stop himself from giving her a small smile as he waves. She ushers him over quickly, mirroring the same smile.

Same as always? she asks. Saiki nods. Usually, he'd engage in more conversation, because he knows how special those moments of talking are to her- but today is different. Today, he's here for a different reason.

Can you take a break? Saiki asks, as she's midway through making his coffee jelly. She looks at him, eyes wide.

Is something the matter?

I just wanted to tell you something. Sort of important. He's trying his best to stay calm, but he has this overwhelming feeling of something he has not felt in a long time- nervousness.

She smiles and nods. Find a seat, I'll be over in a bit. She adds a bit more herself, and he can't help but listen. I wonder what it is. I hope he's not going to stop coming here or anything.

Stop! Hah, he wants to scoff. As if he'd ever stop coming to the bakery with the loveliest coffee jelly in the world, and an unnecessarily lovely owner too. That brings him back to his initial crisis, and he wonders why the hell he's doing this. He could just use his mind control and emerge on the victorious side of things, but... he wanted her to answer for herself. Using mind control still amounts to selfish use.

He takes an inconspicuous seat in the corner, with only two seats, and thinks oh no, this looks like a date, this looks like I've asked her on a date. Then he realises that's exactly what he's there for. His mind isn't working properly- and that's absolutely terrifying.

She walks over in a few minutes, coffee jelly in hand, and puts it in front of him before taking a seat.

I only have five minutes, so make it quick, okay?

He nods, and takes something out of his pocket. She eyes it curiously- it's some sort of silver ring, and he slips it onto his hand.

I can't hear what you're thinking anymore, he transmits. I just want to say something, and I'll take the ring off when you want me to.

She looks stunned, but Saiki has no idea what she's thinking. Before he accidentally blows something up out of nervousness, Saiki takes a deep breath, and tries to gather his words.

I like you. Not only because you make great coffee jelly, but that's also a very good plus point. But I like you. The feeling when I talk to you doesn't go away for several hours after. And I want to do the whole dating thing. I don't know how it works, but I want to do it with you. I've never liked someone before, so I might be weird and stuff. But it's how it is. I don't care if you return these feelings or not. Actually, I do care, obviously. But I won't like, go batshit crazy on you and commit arson or something if you refuse. Your coffee jelly is too good for that.

And then he forces himself to stop, because he's already thought too much. His eyes are trained firmly on his own hands, which rest on his knees. He feels like evaporating. He would do it, if he didn't want to know what she was thinking. He runs through everything he just said in his mind twenty times, trying to recall if he said anything embarrassing, but apart from the arson thing, he reckoned it was a pretty honest confession, if not very romantic.

He startles when he feels a tap on his shoulder, not used to being touched out of nowhere. She's looking at him, and he feels his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He doesn't know what she's thinking, has absolutely zero clue. He's so used to just knowing what people are thinking that he has no idea how to understand them based off their expressions. She looks a bit red, crap, doesn't that mean she's embarrassed? Maybe she doesn't want to reject me in front of everyone else. I should've done this in private. She points to the ring on his hand.

Should I take it off? Saiki asks.

She nods.

So he does, and at once he is assaulted by multiple thoughts of everyone around him, and he takes a few seconds to drown them out. Her voice rises above them all.

No one's ever said that to me before.

I'm sorry? Saiki replies, trying to have normal responses and not mess this up for himself.

I mean, no one's ever confessed to me. It's sort of surreal, you know? I see it happen in all these TV shows and stuff, but I never thought it would happen to me, because... you know...

Sorry if I embarrassed you.

He's looking away, trying to keep the temperature down in his body, and his attention is so focused on using his pyrokinesis that he can't hear any of her unintentional thoughts, only the ones she intends to transmit, so he still has no idea where this is going.

You did not embarrass me. I like you as well. I mean... if I have to be honest, I think we both know that I don't have a lot of choices. She smiles sadly. But if I did have a lot of choices... I think I'd still choose you.

This makes Saiki so flustered that he actually does end up exploding a cup a few tables away- thankfully it is empty, and no one is harmed. She looks in that direction sharply.

Saiki-san? You okay?

Areyousayingyes? he asks, trying not to burst. This new feeling is uncanny.

She chuckles slightly. Yes. I would like to date you.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm the swelling feeling in his chest, and extends his hand across the table. Thank you. She places her own in it tentatively, and Saiki tries not to accidentally blow it up out of nerves.

"Excuse me, can someone take my order?" someone calls out from somewhere, and Y/n stands up- Saiki has a right mind to teleport said customer outside, but he restrains himself.

I have to go now, okay? But I'm like... free, after work? If you want to go on a date? She's gone, if possible, even redder.

Okay. Saiki doesn't even want to imagine what he's looking like right now. Definitely not his usual stone-face. I'll come here.

For me or more coffee jelly? she asks jokingly, as she begins walking away.

Both. I'll see you later. He takes his coffee jelly in hand and turns around a corner to teleport home, unable to keep the ridiculous smile off his face. Maybe Chiyo was onto something about love.

~

that’s all, i hope it was okay <3

send me asks for hcs, oneshots, or anything in general, even if it’s unrelated to anime or writing!! saiki k and haikyu for requests <333

[lumilasi]

4,5,9 for your bnha ocs! (They're the only ones I know somewhat srry ;;;) and J

That's okay! Kinda figured they'd be the most known anyway lmao (surprised got stuff for others as well, apart from the ask from my friend of course)

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Kain & Ryuu: notoriously difficult. They are very suspicious of new people

Wasabi & Rankure: they are a bit gullible, Rankure more so. It'll be hard to earn back once you lose it tho

Kei & Ezuko: kinda in-between. Slightly above healthy caution basically

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Kain & Ryuu; its a default setting baby

Wasabi & Rankure: endangering/hurting their close ones badly, on purpose to be specific. They can forgive accidents

Ezuko & Kei: same as above, except they aren't that forgiving over accidents that lead to serious danger. They also will notice you acting sus quickly

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Kain: not really, mainly uses fancy insults like "imbecile" "fool" etc. His first was probably the latter as its what his shit dad often called his subordinates when pissed off

Ryuu: Like a sailor. Probably the classic "fuck" was his first cuz he's a basic bitch sometimes

Wasabi: sometimes. Learned from Ryuu. The first time he said Fuck, his mum 1 Kei whooped Ryuu's ass as it was his fault lol (Rankure & Kei are lesbians and Wasabi's adoptive mothers)

Rankure: rarely, most she says is 'Oh damn it' usually

Kei: no. She tends to say "bugger off" instead of fuck off for example

Ezuko: Sometimes, mainly uses 'Damn' and 'Hell.' Latter was the first she knew of

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Funny enough, this is a 'yes' and 'no' answer, because both 'canon' and 'non canon/AU' can be true in this case.

All these characters live/originate from an AU with significant differences (Dad Might adopted Tenko, civilian LOV, non-bully bakugo, etc) but because of Kain's ability, 'Canon' still exists the same time. He just can't access that world, even if he can see it. In a way he is like us readers/viewers who see the story but can't impact it directly, as we aren't the og writer. We can only create our AU's.

This is an approach I tend to take with fandom characters in general (minus the dimension hopping thing, that is unique to Kain alone) where I create a completely separate AU from canon.

Hell, sometimes I've just created brand new worlds using the show style only, without using anything from canon! Back when I was still sort of starting my posting art online journey.

.......Honestly, I tend to rather make my own oc stories than fandom ocs

[justsasuke]

Here’s the thing about Kakashi. He’s quite possibly Konoha’s worst (yes, you read that right) worst Sensei. Mostly due to the fact that he’s so caught up in his guilt and past that he literally had nothing to give his students.

I’m not saying this to hate on Kakashi, he’s his own person with very valid struggles and I don’t want to slam him bc of his life experiences, but for the purpose of this here writing I’m going to ignore Kakashi’s right to be stuck in the past and talk about why he isn’t qualified to do the job the 3rd Hokage assigned him. Specifically in relation to Sasuke (bc let’s be real, after shippuden started was Kakashi really Naruto and Sakura’s sensei anymore? also this blog is about Sasuke so if you’re expecting any other type of content IDK how to help you)

Let me start by saying Kakashi had a lot of potential to help Sasuke out; they come from somewhat similar backgrounds - prominent families in the village that at some point were no longer favorable to the village, and then losing said families.  Both were child prodigies and (I assume) had a lot of external pressure to live up to and not enough time to work through their own feelings...

you’d think with everything they had in common Kakashi could have used his experiences to relate to Sasuke and then guide him down a much healthier path--but instead he only made things worse.

and here’s where we get into the main meat of this rant and my list of reasons why Kakashi was a horrible sensei (grab some popcorn bc I’m about to go off)

1) Kakashi identifies Sasuke’s issues early...and then does nothing. without a doubt, Kakashi knew who Sasuke was.  He knew what had happened to the Uchiha clan, and he could probably imagine what kind of pain Sasuke was going through and yet when Sasuke very openly admits that he doesn’t have any purpose for his future except to avenge his clan Kakashi simply makes a mental note that it was ‘just as he thought’

2) Kakashi doesn’t really say anything nice... your mileage may vary with this one, and of course it’s a matter of personal taste, but Kakashi doesn’t say anything nice about Sasuke.  Not to his face anyway.  and it’s not just that he isn’t nice, he taunts him too. To a regular person this may not cause much damage, but we have to look at the fact that Sasuke has grown up alone and un-nurtured for the last 5 years and that the last person who was important in his literally told him that he was worthless and unfit for anything (hello root cause of Sasuke’s insecurity) Kakashi’s words then become really destructive and damaging to any chance he had of creating a safe space for Sasuke to open up and feel looked after/get the help he needed

3) Kakashi didn’t get it This happens during the infamous treetop chat, where he literally ties Sasuke to the tree so he can say what he wants to say. (red flag right there bc honestly what is with this village and constantly trying to force Sasuke to do what they want him to do without actually taking the time to listen to him or address his problems directly.  Seriously.  Also why are you waiting until just now to reach out to him when you’ve known he’s been struggling since day one.  see #1 on this rant)

I hate this scene because it’s a really good moment outside of the context of, well, Sasuke and all that he is and has been through. It was meant to be a call to reality scene where Kakashi helps Sasuke see that he’s not alone in his suffering, that he has friends who care about him, that leaving the village isn’t going to help him, and his life situation isn’t actually all that bad. (can you spot the sarcasm?)

Spoiler alert: this scene is another example of people who thought they understood Sasuke and knew how to help, which is not the same as actually understanding him and knowing how to help. See also Naruto, Sakura, and Gaara to name the most prominent other ones.

4) “sure, but everyone I ever loved is already dead... :)” Ok listen.  I get where Kakashi is coming from, I really do. but this line.  I hate it. Again, it’s a great line out of context of everything Sasuke is dealing with. And yeah, I can see why Kakashi thought it might help. But just to recap, Sasuke’s entire clan, his immediate family, probably the bulk of his friends because Bigotry™, his extended family, everything he’s known and loved and held dear, his security, the family culture he grew up with, any promise of a bright future etc. was taken away from him by his older brother whom he loved more than anything in one night.  He literally lost everything that would help him gain any sort of bearing of identity and sense of worth, not to mention anyone to love him, in one night.  and it was taken by the person he loved most, someone he trusted and looked up to and believed in.  And then that person told him he was completely worthless. Kakashi on the other hand lost his best friend during a ninja mission (a devastating loss but common within the context of everyone being ninja and it being wartime), and lost his father and other friend/crush? to suicide. All very real pains, but different than Sasuke’s.  

Sasuke’s lash out of “what if I killed everyone you ever cared about” was a plea for someone to understand the kind of agony he was carrying everyday, and Kakashi--who honestly out of everyone else should have sensed a need to sit and listen--ignored it by taking the opportunity to invalidate Sasuke’s very specific pain.

5) Kakashi kind of ....gave up? At some point it seems like Kakashi just gave up trying to help Sasuke and decided that it was unavoidable and inevitable that Sasuke was going to “go bad” and leave the village. I mean, he noticed it on day one, right? (srry, I’m salty about that one if you couldn’t tell).

6) Except he didn’t At some point he decides that as Sasuke’s sensei he should be the one to take responsibility for Sasuke going “bad” and kill him. Forget talking to him, forget apologizing for not taking the time to talk to him earlier, he decided that he’s going to fight Sasuke and “take care of the problem once and for all”.

I could go on, but at this point I think I should stop and take a really, really long walk. In summary:  While you’d expect Kakashi to have seen and treated Sasuke differently he didn’t, and while he was set up to be the perfect mentor character to Sasuke (Naruto got Jiraiya so you’d think Kakashi would’ve stepped in to help Sasuke more) he really fell flat. Overall as a sensei I think he was too bogged down with his own pain and survivor’s guilt to really be present, and maybe he was too scared to help Sasuke grow because he thought if he fed the fire it would only get worse. In any case, other than teaching Sasuke chidori, Kakashi was really detached from Sasuke’s struggles except when he thought it had gone too far.  And by then it was too late to do any good. I think if he had stepped in a little more, listened a little more, helped Sasuke channel his feelings productively, maybe even helped Sasuke work through said feelings, things could’ve been great. He could’ve been the Iruka to Sasuke’s Naruto, you know?   but he wasn’t.

[strawbunniiee]

A Girl and a Ghost Ch. 2: Wandering the Trails

YAAYYYY I FINALLY GOT MY LAZY BUTT TO POST THIS

anyways, as promised i finally wrote a second chapter! i hope you enjoy it :)

@salamifuposey @monsterbride99 just lettin y’all know this exists sjjddkfkd srry for taggin yall so much hope u dont mind aa

It had been a few weeks after Jawaii had met Phantom, and she began to see him regularly. After her meeting with him, Phantom had secretly slipped a note in her pocket that had the lyrics of a special song. If she were to sing said song, he would arrive.

Some mornings, Jawaii would wake up feeling as if befriending Phantom was all a dream. Like it never even happened, it was all in her own mind. But alas it was not, luckily for her. They would explore the town and forests and just generally have fun with eachother.

Jawaii was discovering so many new feelings... feelings she had never really felt before finally having a best friend. Each one was just as wonderful than the last.

One morning, Jawaii ran to the forest, summoned Phantom and they began to talk about what they wanted to do for the day.

"So what do you wanna do today?" Jawaii asked eagerly.

"Hmm, I'm not entirely sure... but perhaps I could show you my homeland?" Phantom suggested.

"Ooh! What's your homeland like? I bet it's cool!"

"It's quite creepy, I'll admit, but it does have a nice atmosphere."

"AWESOME! Can you take me? Pleaaaase?" begged Jawaii.

Phantom chuckled. "Of course! Now stay close, I don't want you getting lost."

And so, they were on their way to Spooky Trails, Phantom's home. Jawaii kept constantly pestering Phantom on the way, asking if they were there yet. When they arrived, it was indeed quite a creepy place, but of course Jawaii didn't mind.

"Wow... so this is your home? You like, actually live here?" asked Jawaii.

"Indeed it is! Hopefully it doesn't creep you out too much though..." replied Phantom.

"Dude, are you kidding? This is the most amazing place EVER!" she yelled.

Phantom was a bit startled by Jawaii suddenly yelling. "Quiet down, you'll disturb the spirits. They don't like being disturbed." the ghost gently reminded.

"Oh. Sorry spirit people. You guys are super cool though!" Jawaii began to skip ahead, with Phantom catching his breath trying to catch up to her.

"You're quite a brave young girl, I'll say. Not scared of Spooky Trails, ghosts in general... it's quite a surprise! I never knew there was a human who enjoyed our company and wanted to befriend us... let alone a child!"

"Duh, of course I'm not scared of you. You're amazing! And I bet all the other ghosts are just as wonderful as you are." said Jawaii.

"Aww, why thank you! However... it's quite rare that humans actually want us around, you see. They're either terrified of us, see us as an annoyance, or want us gone."

Jawaii began to realize how much she had in common with Phantom. She knew he had told her something similar the day they had met, but she never knew that he too was hunted down and wanted dead.

"...Me, my siblings and my dad are all wanted dead. Just because we're "evil". We barely even hurt anybody... I know my dad destroys planets for a living, and I guess that can be seen as bad, bu-"

"Jawaii, dear, apologies for interrupting of course, and I don't see you any different or anything, don't worry, but your father does what now?" Phantom had never heard of such a thing. Annihilating planets for a job! Who would do something like that?

"He destroys planets for a living. Besides, Dad tells me it's an important job, because if there's too many planets the galaxy could get overpopulated and it would be bad." explained Jawaii.

"Ah... fair point actually."

Eventually they made it to a large gate. It had bars shaped like musical notes and a dial shaped like a full moon.

"This is the Moon Gate, beyond it lies my stage, where I reside." said Phantom.

"You live on a stage? That's really cool!"

Phantom smiled. "It's sort of the only "house" I have. I'm glad you enjoy the concept though!"

Jawaii ran up to the gate and pushed it, pressing her entire mass against it trying to open it.

"Why won't it open?!" Jawaii growled, frustrated.

Phantom effortlessly pushed the gate open with his hand. "There you go!"

"...WHAT?!" Jawaii stood there, staring at him with her jaw dropped. "How strong even ARE you?"

The ghost rabbit laughed quite a bit. "I'm the only one who can open the Moon Gate when it isn't a full moon, I'm not THAT strong, of course."

"Ohhhh. That makes sense." replied Jawaii.

They walked up the pathway that lead to the stage. It was an absolutely massive stage, but also looked quite old. The curtains were a torn and tattered, and the wooden floor looked very scratched up. There were strange blocks scattered everywhere, with seemingly no purpose. The place definitely looked like it had seen better days.

However, Jawaii adored it and stared in awe and wonder at it.

"Your house is awesome, Phantom!" said Jawaii, running off to explore the place.

"Thank you, my dear friend! It certainly isn't much, but make yourself at home."

Jawaii climbed up and down the pipes, examined all of the spotlights, and she even poked around in the wires despite Phantom begging her not to. Needless to say, she would have nearly electrocuted herself if it wasn't for Phantom.

He introduced her to many of the Peek-a-Boos and Spooky Trails Rabbids who also resided here. She enjoyed talking to them, and yet again, it felt so nice to have people treating her as if she wasn't a threat, just a normal child. She could never get enough of that feeling. It was so wonderful to her.

About an hour later, Jawaii sat down in boredom.

"I'm bored now." Jawaii mumbled.

"Well, we have been here for quite some time, so I could see why. Would you perhaps like to go somewhere else in Spooky Trails?" asked Phantom.

Jawaii's eyes lit up. "There's more of this place? Heck yeah I wanna go!"

Her eagerness made Phantom smile. "Well then, let's head off shall we?"

They crossed a bridge over a rushing river (which Jawaii threw a stick into), passed by a few giant jack-o-lanterns and fed some hungry crows a bit of (probably very stale) bread that they found. Then they came to an enormous manor, which looked abandoned and loomed over the forest.

But Phantom was very uneasy about this mansion.

"J-Jawaii, let's explore this mansion a for just a minute and then we'll turn back, all right?" said Phantom, his voice shaking.

"Wait, what's up? Are you all right?" asked Jawaii, with concern.

"I'm fine. Just... look around for a bit and we REALLY must go back. Besides, y-you must be hungry after all of this, we should get a snack!"

"...All right, if you say so."

Jawaii wandered around the front yard of the mansion. She picked some flowers, examined some mushrooms (she tried to eat one), and threw stones against the wall of the mansion.

Phantom floated up to her as she was throwing the stones against the wall. "...We really need to get going,"

"But wh-" Just as Jawaii was about ask why, she accidentally threw a stone straight into a window in the mansion. There was a loud shatter and a horrifying shriek. Phantom immediately jumped in front of her, hiding her behind his large, round body. A big, spherical ghost with a crown emerged from the wall of the manor. He had piercing, glowing purple eyes with a cruel, furious stare. He had sharp teeth, which were bared in fury.

His crown's jewel had a massive crack in it.

Oh my God. thought Jawaii, immediately realizing how reckless she had been.

"FIRST YOU TURN MY TROOPS AGAINST ME, AND NOW YOU DESTROY MY CROWN?!" the ghost with the crown shrieked. "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS, YOU CRUEL, DISGUSTING FOOL. YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE TO ME."

Phantom quivered in terror, not knowing what to do other than to hide Jawaii behind him.

He gained the courage to speak. "I never turned them against you. I made them realize how horrible you treated them. If anything, YOU'RE the cruel one."

Jawaii knew she had to do something too. She couldn't just stand here and let the only friend she had possibly be harmed, or far, far worse.

She went out from behind Phantom. "I destroyed your crown." Jawaii said, staring the crowned ghost in the eye.

"J-Jawaii, no...!"

"WHO IS THIS LITTLE BRAT?! AND WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, GOING AND DOING THIS TO I, KING BOO, THE RULER OF THE UNDEAD?" King Boo screamed.

"If you must know, she is my friend. And she is not a brat, you demonic marshmallow." said Phantom, still quaking, but trying to be brave.

Phantom's insult just made the king even more angry.

"ANGRY MARSHMALLOW? LOOK WHO'S TALKING, YOU OVERINFLATED BLIMP OF A RABBIT!" he screeched.

Jawaii came a bit closer to King Boo. "HEY! Nobody insults my best friend like that, you ugly hag!"

"...What did you just call me, you little DIRT GOBLIN?"

"You heard me loud and clear."

Unable to come up with any witty comebacks or clever responses, King Boo angrily sputtered out, "ALL RIGHT YOU TWO PESTS, GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU BOTH REGRET IT."

Without hesitation, Phantom picked Jawaii up off the ground and flew off with her.

King Boo angrily cursed under his breath and went back inside his mansion, plotting his revenge on the ghost Rabbid and the young alien.

[jcisthebestfightme]

3/3 But! I do think that freaking out at people doing that sort of thing gives him little credit for his own decisions, AND undermines the discussion about *actual* intrusive behavior (ie, fans hacking phones, or following him, or mobbing him, or recording him on what's obviously supposed to be a discreet date/meeting just because someone happened to recognize him under his mask). This? This is just speculative analytics. Like the lipreading posts we all get excited by. (Srry for rant, ❤.)

Part 3 of an ask

Yes I saw the blurred image thing. I think it’s also possible he took the photo, thought they look good and then decided he wanted to use them but to blur out whatever it is in the background (could also be a bag, another jacket, etc.). I’ve not seen any speculation on what it is on Weibo. Some people agree with you that he blurred it out on purpose to tell us to stop trying to figure out whatever they wears and try to get the same thing, especially since he’s not endorsing it. I believe that if gg blurred it out, he doesn’t want us to know so I respect that and won’t try to come up with what it is.

I agree with you that speculating photos, looking at reflection in pupils, etc. are different than very intrusive stalker behavior that cause in person harm to them. However, taking a step back, there really is no point of doing these speculations. You’ll never find an answer for it so you’ll never be 100% certain and you will just waste a lot of time and have a lot of uncertainty in your mind, making you unhappy. Furthermore, the danger in over-speculation is that some people can come back and easily debunk it, and extrapolate that everything we say is completely false and we’re all delusional.

Also, this is my own mini-rant, my biggest problem is people that think everything about ggdd is bjyx related. They forget to see ggdd as individual that have their individual lives, interest, hobbies, etc. Not every picture, every video, every post have something to do with their relationship and definitely not “trying to send a message to bxg.” I think that’s disrespecting them as individuals and basically using them as tools for your own fantasy. (I actually think some accounts aren’t even real bxg and are picking on them to get attention/likes/views.) Furthermore, if you never take time to really understand who they are, you will never really understand their relationship. 

[kittydog]

long poast number 36548

4real doe it does kind of suck (in ref 2 my engie poast) not bc i ship them or w/ever dont misunderstand...i dont think they belong 2gether, not even 4 a microcosm of a millisecond. rather, i do think that it enriches their characters sort of / complicates their dynamic in a way that i think is very inch-resting. like here is engie in the upper echelons of society, which already makes him detached from most ppl. and beyond this, hes deathly afraid of bacteria and seemingly has rlly bad communication skills, which further isolates him. hes kind of weird in general.

 and heres is annet, a being which he has some control over, who is polite, caring, nonjudgmental; but at the same time id imagine that he could have programmed these things in2 her...

.i asked a question abt this but vitaly never answered lol: “...ive always wondered though, is her love a product of her self-awareness or was it programmed in2 her 4 marketability/ease of interaction purposes? or was it like corporate politeness that evolved in2 love when she became self aware ” the good thing abt this remaining unaddressed is that it also remains ambiguous and i can shape it 2 my liking >:3 anyway, id always kind of hc’d that engie- being the incel redditor that he is- decided 2 just make some1 that could conform 2 his standard of what he would like while also having no standards of her own, some1 that would luv him unconditionally, essentially. i dont rlly think he would do this consciously rlly...maybe just did it under the guise both 2 himself and others of inventing a personality which would maker her more pleasant 2 interact w/. otherwise i feel like hed be a lot more embarrassed abt it, mayhaps... i do think that having some1 who is acts reliably and w/ logic at all times could be something thats very comforting 4 him, on top of having an amount of power over her and being able 2 just shut her off...well, b4 she became a superbeing that controls the entire universe...its easier 2 make sense of some1 who is uncomplicated, w/ clean calculated reasons and rationale 4 everything she does. and when she DOESNT rlly seem 2 have that, or when doesnt do something that aligns w/ his views, he freaks the frick out!!! case a: annie is gonna reset eureka (not great btw.....) im gonna bomb it 2 all 2 hell baby!!!! (also not great <3 at least annie planned on bringing them back, king)

 as 4 annet i think it would be rlly interesting 4 her 2 kind of just grapple w/ this, being self aware and all while still being trapped in a programmable/moldable body, having a sense of agency over herself. this is of course assuming everything above. so. think of it as an au with little canon divergence? idk, i think theres an idea 2 be explored there....now, i think, that vitaly has informed us. or. well, me. that annie is basically untouchable bc she has crazy powerful guys (omnis???) protecting her, she wouldnt rlly have 2 think abt this much. i feel like it goes hand in hand w/ mortality and stuff. “oh, woe, what is my purpose! what does it mean at all if i myself am not the one who dictates it!“ yew knoe. shes a busy lady <3

srry once again this is long so ill end it b4 i start RLLY writing a novel abt my fav character and how cool she is. MY gf now, engie!!!!

[8-bit-space]

hi um this is about the whole asra doesnt pay rent thing, so my apprentice owns the shop(her aunt pretty much built it and passed it down to her) so she obviously doesnt need to pay rent and when i saw the joke it didnt really make sense, so i came up with this idea with asra and my apprentice where he randomly gives them rocks and seashells and other pretty things and says its "for the rent" as an inside joke of some sort but i dont know if thats still- . *i have to divide it into 2 asks srry*

Well first of all, I think your headcanon is fine, and for a few reasons.

- While it is about rent, ultimately it's about how he does pay rent- and I assume your apprentice is fine with this currency. Meaning hes fulfilled his obligation.

- you said it was an inside joke between them, so it's something the two of them are happy with and take with little seriousness. From your explanation your mc doesnt seem to be mad at him for 'not paying' and no real bitterness is expressed

What I do have problems with are the jokes that frame asra as not paying rent at all

It's the difference of "my rent will be in kisses this month" vs "ugh asra stop running away and pay me what you owe"

I'll use this ask to illustrate why I hate this joke so much.

All of these jokes have the same tired formula; poor mc works so hard at the shop but freeloader asra just keeps mooching and avoiding the topic, how could he!

Weather it was intentional or not it implies that asra is so irresponsible and disrespectful to his friends that he purposely avoids what is needed of him, and that's no where near who he is as an actual character.

Not to mention, why would there be rent in a fictional society where you know the countess who could and would give you free housing? And if you had free housing, gifted to you either by the countess or your aunt, why are you making your homeless friend pay to live in it? There is clearly no bills to pay, leaving profit as the only reason. And profiting off of your friend who already helps you stock and manage your business is a pretty shitty thing to do.

That doesnt even take into account him consistently making sure you are fed and healthy and comfortable. Or the complexity of the past between you two.

TLDR; I think rent memes are tired and gross because it assumes asra is disrespectful and irresponsible; and could easily be seen as the mc profiting off of their homeless friend by charging needless rent.

[sprydecreates]

‘babylove’?

requested: nope

warnings: nothing this is really cute (language is a given at this point)

pairings: tom holland x reader

type: fluff ; headcanon/list ; 2k+ words ; gender neutral

summary: it's the first time you visit the holland's at their home in london, and you're trying your hardest to impress everyone. you aren't tom's lover just yet, but it's obvious that you two fancy each other.

disclaimer: the depictions of tom holland and the holland family in this are of my own imagination. none of this is real!

a/n: another oldie of mine refurbished and posted here! back when my writing was Decent LOL.

p.s., the dialog isn’t like it is with my latest ones as in y/n gets italics and bold n everyone else just gets italics. it’s just emphasized when need be, and i thought it was alright that way. srry if it bothers anyone who reads my newer stuff!! adding in a disclaimer from now on too. never got someone thinking something was real, but it’s good to be prepared :-)

also, when i put things in parentheses, it's usually me putting in my reactions.

"PIP PIP 'N CHEERIO GOVENAH!"

"y/n we don't actually say that"

"tom, i have to get myself situated. with the boiling tea and crumpet chip biscuit whatevers.”

YEEHAW. you're traveling to meet tom's family back in london.

you've met harry, sam, and harrison already, but there were still three very important people to meet

you had met tom through a mutual actor friend who brought you on set one day

obviously it went like a fairy tale

your friend left you alone on set while they went to get snacks for you both

tom seen you, and came to tell you that only actors could be on set at that time

causing you to freak out, because UH, spider-man is speaking to you (ohMygOd, it'spEterparker)

which of course made tom cocky, and he was like "ayyyyy baby i'll give u an autograph"

then your friend came back and officially introduced you two

and tom saying "you're friends with y/f/n? i'm so sorry"

"i know. it's tragic."

"you two are perfect for each other" with an eye roll

so to say the least, you and tom had sparks from the beginning

not to mention the backhanded, sarcastic compliments that often lead to flirty and witty comebacks

"you're cute, for 5′8″.

"good thing you have a good personality because that outfit today was... :/"

"just wait until i see you again. you're dead, holland"

"well why don't you come over right now and show me what you'd do?”

going over to play wrestle until you dominate him and straddle his hips while your breath is hitched and he'd just look up at you like "holy fuck"

with the whole banter situation taking place, it kind of shocked you when tom asked you if you wanted to visit his family with him

like, REALLY took you off guard

because this was really domestic of him, and he hadn't really ever showed that side to you

but nonetheless, you took the opportunity

took a bit of persuading to get your family to allow you, but eventually, everyone agreed.

(boy it's a good thing you got that passport that you totally didn't get for the sole purpose of this occurring)

"as long as you call every morning and night, and text when necessary. and take pics."

lots of preparation through facetime

"i heard it's really fuckin' cold in england. should i pack a parka?"

"y/n it's not that cold. plus you won't need two."

"what do you mean i won't need two if i-"

in a thick accent "peta parka."

"...."

deep sigh

"can i get a refund for my ticket"

"don't think so, love" in a soft laughing tone

(AAAAHHHHHH)

after two or so weeks of packing and unpacking, and checking the checklist fifty times, it was finally time to depart to southwest london, darling

this boy got first class tickets for the both of you

or at least that's what he thought

he actually only got one for himself lmao

so instead, he swapped seats with the person beside you

oh my god shy hand holding on the plane would be expected

also cute little candids that would go up on each others instagrams wow

fast forward to arriving at the holland home

p.s., the entire car ride there was filled with little thigh touches to try and calm you down.

but that only made you more nervous because god have mercy this beautiful boy wasn't trying to act funny or anything like he usually acted, he was being genuine and that made your heart full

once at the door, you were greeted by nikki, dom, and a very excited tessa

"hello love! it's so nice to meet you! tom has told us SOOO mu-"

"DAD!!!!" would be said between clenched teeth while he would be blushing

with red cheeks of your own, you'd walk in to see the two brothers you had previously met, and a new face, who you recognized as paddy

sam and harry would say hello, but paddy would whisper yell to one of the brothers, "is that who tom calls his 'babylove'?"

both you and tom would just stand there, his jaw would drop and one of your eyebrows would raise up

and you'd turn to tom with a huge smile and just whisper "babylove?"and he'd blush even harder and be like "let me show you to your room!!!!!!!!!”

he'd bring you upstairs and into the guestroom so you could put your stuff up

then you'd follow him to his old room, and you'd sit on his bed and just have a look around while he piled his clothes into a hamper

hear me out

there would be little spider-man symbols across the wall, with some football flags strung up every so often

and you'd be like "you really weren't lying about your obsession with spidey, huh?"

and he'd come and sit beside you and shrug while looking at his old decorations

you'd lean in and give him a lil kiss on the cheek before saying "it's really cute, tom." and he'd immediately light up and become a shy baby

then you'd hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and you'd pull away from each other with cute little grins

sam would look in and be like "mom wants to know what ya want for dinner"

and tom would turn to you and be like "well?"

and you'd insist that he choose, since he hasn't been home in awhile

he'd say something he heard you talking about wanting to try

sam would leave and then you'd just nonchalantly grab tom's hand and follow sam down

once down there, you'd be met by the family, minus nikki and sam who would venture into the kitchen

you'd let go of tom's hand, and sit by paddy on the couch

little conversations would start up from dom

literally just things like "so tom said you can sing" and "tom said you guys met through a friend of yours?"

he wouldn't even have to ask you questions directly because tom has told them virtually everything because the boy was swoon as fuck

but after a little while of tom and the rest of the family in sight getting caught up, you decided to slip out of view yourself and join nikki and sam in the kitchen

a "hey sweetheart! whatcha need?" coming from nikki

but you'd be like "i just wanted to know if you guys wanted an extra hand?"

sam would be like "hell yea y/n knows how ta cook"

but nikki would be like "that's alright, it's our pleasure to treat a guest of tom's! thank you though, that's really sweet"

so you'd walk back into the living room after a few "are you sure?"'s

and dom would be like "kicked out of the kitchen?" with a small laugh

and you'd answer with "yeah. you holland's are stubborn."

which would definitely make tom pout, and your response would be to pat his cheek and say "pouting wont exclude you," followed with a quiet "babylove." while you dropped your hand

some time passed before nikki and sam returned, and nikki said dinner would be ready in about thirty minutes

those thirty minutes consisted of the family sharing embarrassing stories about tom

and him eventually hiding his red cheeks in the crook of your neck (sweet god)

soon, the timer went off and everyone made their way into the kitchen and got their plates

tbh i see the family taking all the seats around tom, so you'll get to sit in between dom and nikki

(i'd love that holy shit)

after dinner, you helped wash the dishes. that earned major brownie points from nikki and sam

it was getting kind of late, so the family suggested watching a movie or two together

oh my god tom would take you upstairs again and tell you to change into your pajamas because that was a tradition for movie night

wearing batman pajama bottoms knowing it would tease him

him refusing to let you go downstairs before changing into a pair of his spider-man bottoms

giving in once he gives you the puppy dog eyes while his forehead is pressed against yours

watching some sort of proper english movie because it was your first time visiting

angus, thongs and perfect snogging came into mind

harry loudly asking if you and tom ever snogged like that

cuddling with tom under a big blanket

when the family started to get a little drowsy, they decided to call it a night

everyone started to head upstairs, and you and tom did the same after grabbing a few snacks and some drinks

once in his room, you'd sit on his bed and just smirk at him until he'd ask what was up

and you'd immediately be like "what's up with this lovey dovey side of you? you usually act like a sarcastic shit around me"

he'd just look down and press his hand against the nape of his neck and mumble "i like you"

and you'd say "well i got that part awhile ago"

but he'd sit there for a few seconds, trying to think of a way to say what he had in mind. he finally sighed and spoke out to you, "i mean, i think i'm falling in love with you"

and you'd sit there with your lips parted, and your eyes darting back and forth between his

he'd start to blabber on about how it was just a strategy that he used because he didn't know how to show you how he really, truly felt

and you'd cut him off, and say "can i kiss you?"

and a few seconds of silence would take place before he would cup your cheeks and empty all the passion he held in his body out in one single kiss, while you would do the same

after you both pull away, he'd lower his hands and you'd both just sit and stare at each other

you'd raise your hand up and cup his cheek and rub your thumb across his cheekbone

eventually, you would say you're tired, and press a small kiss against his lips before getting up and heading for the door

"goodnight, thomas."

"goodnight, y/full/n."

shutting the door and doing a happy dance all the way to the guest room

it's sunday morning, and you couldn't get any more sleep in due to the kiss from the night before still swimming through your memory

finally deciding on getting up and cooking breakfast for everyone to return all the love you were given the day before

carefully sneaking down to the kitchen

taking a long ass time to find all the ingredients you initially needed (oils, other stuff)

googling measurement equals because what american knows european measurements off the tom of their head

deciding on making some fancy omelette roll ups you once had with your actor friend

taking so much time to make everything perfect

when you finished making the omelette's, along with some other sides, you would set everything out for easy serving, and then you would head upstairs again

since it was a sunday, everyone slept in

you'd gently knock on everyone's door, and say breakfast was waiting for them downstairs

but when you got to tom's door, you'd softly knock before heading on in

tom would be sleeping on the side of the bed that faced the window, and you would walk over to that side and crouch down

you would subconsciously lay your bent arm on the bed by toms face, and lay your head on your arm. you'd raise your free hand up to toy with a few loose curls while you looked over his features

he'd eventually wake up, and smile in a way that was really wide, but evidently tired

he would kiss your forehead and say "what a good way to wake up; an angel playing with my hair." you'd giggle really quietly and stand up while saying "c'mon, babylove. i've made breakfast."

and he'd pull you down onto the bed with him, and pepper little kisses against your shoulders, collarbones, neck, and cheeks before pressing a lingering kiss to your lips!!!

while he rested his forehead against yours, you decided to confess something you totally forgot to last night, "by the way," you'd say in a really soft voice while swiping a messy curl from his temple, "i think i'm falling in love with you, too."

[alittleoptimistic]

Favorite Character Tropes as Wish Fulfillment?

I wrote that title after I analyzed this stuff because I realized a thing about myself I was unaware of. I always get attached to the Same Character. Like, they are literally the same person in different stories. And I want to know why. So I did a little digging and thinking and all that good, good stuff. 

Here are a few examples of my typical favorite character

Charlie from Lost

Virgil from Sanders Sides

Philip from Travelers

the Doctor from Doctor Who (specifically 10)

Klaus from Umbrella Academy

Stiles from Teen Wolf

Riley from Sense 8

Cisco from Flash

Peter Pan from any version of this story

Jim from the Office

Peter from Heroes

Merlin from Merlin

Will from Hannibal

Felix from Orphan Black

Chuck from Chuck

Josh (the werewolf ) from Being Human

Jessica from Jessica Jones

Castiel from Supernatural

Loki from Marvel

Skylar from Heroes

Sherlock from Sherlock

Zuko from The Last Airbender

Killian from Once Upon a Time

I could probably find more but you get the idea

General similarities seem to be:

out of 23

21 are male?

15 have some type of addiction/problem they have difficulty controlling? (drugs, attention, adventure, eating people, killing people, ya know, etc)

17 have a secret

‘neuro-divergent’ in some way? (ADD, PTSD anxiety, depression, something? the kids are not alright)

All 23 have grey morals (probably chaotic good-ish? they all would break the rules for a good reason or get what they want)

19 have a crappy homelife/large tragedy in the past

20 have ‘superpowers/special ability’

18 are physically weak in appearance

18 are Underdogs, underestimated but actually powerful/very intelligent?

7 have a redemption arch

17 have dark hair lol

18 have a sarcastic, sense of humor

14 talk too much

mostly white in one form or another :/

So... why?? Why do I tend to like these characters more than others?

male. I am female and there are a few female characters that I LOVE. They happen, but, in all honesty, they are far and few in between. Wonder Woman, Jessica Jones, Hermione, Rey, Riley, Rory (Gilmore girls) Perhaps it is the way girls are often written? I like Jessica Jones because she is a hilarious mess and I relate. Same with... all of the ones I like, actually. They have that grey-moral vibe of real people, but lack the sexy Cat Woman, I’m-so-bad-I-can-kill-you-with-my-massive-butt-and-boobs?? Thing?? yeah? how unfortunate. They are small breasted or, at least, that is not drawn attention to too much. Could it be. holy moly, ya’ll. could it be I like women characters when they’re written... like people? like. like, as if girls are screwed up humans! not objects?? isn’t that incredible.

srry but not srry

an addiction. now, why do I tend to go here? Its a kind of a painful trope. They always go back, and back and back again to what we know is horrible for them. Perhaps there is enjoyment in watching the struggle and seeing them inevitably win their struggle, whatever it is? The strength to conquer the darkness within themselves and do the right thing. It might just make you think you can conquer your own battles?? Maybe I feel like I can relate in some sort of way, going back to old habits, struggling to be the person I want to be. Year after year of the same new year goals...

a secret. This is honestly just a nice trope and its neat, fun writing. Creates tension, and it is usually connected to the addiction. You get invested in this secret!!! It builds up to the inevitable discovery of that secret and the aftermath and all the reactions of their friends. (merlin, Will graham, chuck, etc.)

Neurodivergent. I think this is just me relating to these people. I have bouts of depression and anxiety and am currently researching the possibility of having ADD (thats a whole new weird thing idek) so this is just something that I think I see in myself.

Grey-morals. Again. This is my moral alignment, shocker. So, again, me relating to the characters. Also, characters that obviously have flaws are just well-written, well-rounded characters? No one is actually Clark Kent. characters that seem perfect either come off as plastic and fake because real people do not act like that, or they come off as kind of creepy?? because they must have some darkness lurking beneath the surface (when this is done on purpose, i actually like this quite a lot. Rose Quartz is an example of a character who seemed perfect on the surface, but as the show moved on, is revealed to be a Real Disaster Queen. she isn’t evil, just kind of a brat, but that redeemed what seemed to be sloppy storytelling because it was realistic)

Tragic past. This is just something that authors give to Disaster People to justify their screwed-up-ness. Course, not all of them had tragic pasts, but something bad happened to all of them (except Jim from the Office I think??, but then again, that is a sitcom...)

Special Ability Again, wish fulfillment. Not even gonna lie. I often feel powerless and out of control, this Freaks Me Out. I think there is comfort in seeing the ‘little guy’ (aka le me) having with a BAMF hashtag

 Weak And once more on Relatable-Station. This is in connection with relating to feeling and looking powerless, but finding comfort in the secret strength these characters have whether through supernatural means, superior intelligence, biting humor, a quick tongue, etc.

Underestimated the cap on this trio. The last 3 points could be summed up as one thing. A weak, underestimated person actually has some secret strength. These characters might just be a coping mechanism I have to deal with feeling weak and overlooked and powerless, whether or not those feelings accurately portray reality. I wonder where those feelings came from in the first place.

A redemption arch This trope is often a result of having grey morals. These also help deal with feelings of inadequacy or guilt in the reader?? It makes you think, if they can be loved, surely I can. (i am really dragging myself in this post, which was not the plan lol but here we are) 

Dark hair/brown hair. I have dark hair, I also wanted black hair as a child and found it very beautiful. Also, I think the dark hair goes with the personality trope as a Screw Up. Not gonna lie, messy brown/black hair on boys and girls, honestly, but the short messy thing, is great. and when they go evil for a bit and the hair gets Extra Messy?? That. That’s. Good. (for reference see: Stiles, Killian, Peter, Virgil, Loki)

Sarcastic my flavor of humor. this is turning into the realization that we do, in fact, like characters we relate to the most. I thought that might be far fetched because I’m ‘nothing like’ these characters, but let's get real. They’re me but as a cute boy or girl.

Talk too much This isn’t me. but This is who I want to be, I think. I’ve always struggled with anxiety about being the quiet one while my brother was so much better at talking, making friends, etc. so this is, again, wish fulfillment. i swear i didn’t think this was going to be this self-indulgent but i obviously was wrong

White They aren’t all white. Zuko is Asian. Cisco’s actor is Columbian American. But that’s... thats a really small amount of diversity. Like, I’m concerned. (when i say white btw, I don’t mean just American or British or whatever, because there are characters on here that are from all over. I just mean overall white-looking for the sake of this analysis) 

So, First Hypothesis: prejudice is very ingrained and even with good intentions, i could be subconsciously avoiding characters that are POC??? If this is all a ‘projecting myself’ thing, then I relate to white people the most? Im sure im screwing this up, but i’m not gonna chicken out and avoid this because thats what I’d usually do to keep from dumbly saying something offensive, but if I dont address a problem, then no one is getting anywhere 

Second Hypothesis: Its been known the fiction industry as a whole has a problem with representation,,, I don’t want to discount me being white, but I don’t think this is just me and my tiny entitled butt. There probably isn’t as much access to that type of character for POC. How often do creators have well-rounded, stick-around-for-a-long-time, flawed, funny, sometimes-problematic-but-well-meaning characters that are also POC? not often enough. Maybe it’s not always on purpose. But because of ‘Diversity Points’, character development might get pushed aside, and then the character’s personality becomes Their Race, which is... a crappy way to build a character? The industry has a hard enough time with diversity in general. Maybe people just don't write POC as that type of character. Which makes characters like Cisco unique. I’ve never even thought about that... Good on you, Flash writer crew.

let's fix this??

need more Ciscos???

 if any POC feels inclined to call me out on my bull or give their insight (only if you want to, of course), pls do.

In conclusion: this was interesting, and it makes sense, I guess, why people like different types of characters if their favorite characters are projections in one way or another of them. I’m not saying that we all relate to our favorite characters, but me, because I have this weird, dozen or more of the same type of character that I love, it might be reasonable to assume there’s something about that character I see in myself or wish I saw in myself? Anyway, an interesting thought. What do you guys think? Do you see yourself in your favorite characters?

This has been an honest essay that got too long. I wish I was as invested in writing school essays as I am in Tumblr posts.

[frejaedb]

alright here. yeah yeah u know who it is... 

&&. announcing her grace, ( freja esmée du bellay ), the ( 38 ) year old ( duchess ) of ( guyenne ). she is often confused with ( lily aldridge ). some say that she is ( phlegmatic and sly ), but she is actually ( ardent and purposeful ). ( OOC: ashley )

tw: mentions of depression

are yall ready. cause i’m ready

this is freja. her intro is all over the place because i just was kinda typing my sporadic thoughts. there’s a bunch of random info lol

she’s the daughter of vera bernadotte’s sister- ingrid bernadotte and the duke of guyenne- jean-pierre du bellay. (i’m realizing now, did vera keep her last name? let’s assume she did. and uh i made these names up. they can be changed)

she grew up in france, alternated holidays in sweden.

so sorry swedes, she definitely considers herself french before swedish. blame arnauld.

but she adores her swedish cousins. she likes to be the wise, cool aunt figure. gives them advice, lets astrid stay at her place, won’t snitch if they’re up to no good

she and arnauld grew up together, their fathers were friends, it was sort of like that relationship where it was a running joke that they’d be married so the fathers could be in-laws. never serious of course, but it did spawn a friendship.

freja was/is always so phlegmatic about everything she could never figure out exactly what she was passionate about. and she really didn’t care to either.

she’s always done her own thing bc of her big head. she’s always been kind of independent and all.

so freja had many major changes, started with poli sci because that’s what everyone else was doing, then she had a stint as a pre-med. didn’t last long. she moved on to psychology, stuck around for awhile. finally, she graduated with a history and art history dual degree

anyways, after college her father started to prep her for her job as the duchess. that’s when things get sketch. her father was one of the first noblemen that arnauld approached to get the crown on his head. arnauld wanted allies, and who would be more loyal than freja?

arnauld wanted freja to be ready to take power when he did, and from the years she was out of college until she took up the duchy, they worked closely together so arnauld’s plans would happen.

so that’s what happened- at the ripe age of 30 (when arnauld took the crown) freja was officially the duchess, and arnauld’s right hand woman.

arnauld does all the brainstorming, freja just wraps it up and puts a bow on it.

her father stepped down and retired, and he and her mother prob moved to some cute cottage in sweden and are living their best lives.

she’s convinced that arnauld’s plans will do france and the world good, and she played an instrumental part in shaping the courts along with arnauld.

and that sums up her involvement with arnauld, now simultaneously she also has a personal life, you know?

she got married when she was 32 to some random (prob) rich generational wealth type guy. she settled bc she was like damn i kind of want a family. she’s terrified of committing bc she loves her independence so much, and she thinks the way to maintain that is to marry a guy thats more attached to her than she is to him. is she in love? no. is she content? yes.

i was thinking of making her husband a wc but we’ll see. i don’t think it’s necessary tbh

she has a 4 y/o daughter (eloise) and a 2 y/o son (tobias).

she suffered with postpartum depression following the birth of eloise. she never wanted to hold her, she had anxiety over everything she did with the baby. was she feeding it right, bathing it right, swaddling it right, etc. and often she just handed it off to the nanny to take care of. she almost immediately went back to work, she didn’t feel the need to stay home. it wasn’t until six months later that she realized the signs. she went on medication to treat it, and eventually got better. but she had to get off medication to have her son.

she fears developing symptoms again, so she’s pretty protective of her kids

she’s like a saint around her kids. but around others she’s super impatient and demanding. do as i say not as i do, right?

in general she’s very two-faced... she’s gemini after all. so personality? she has all of them. the best way i can describe her is like she’s like the vixen but all grown up and practical now

woah this got long, srry

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

[6ad6ro]

an explanation post and small update about that thing that recently happened with that one ex friend. just fyi, this is very long:

first, some backstory. i have an issue where i often end up staying in abusive relationships (friends/family/dating) for way too long for various reasons. that said, this friend. they were always problematic. they would continue aggressively making passes at me even tho i rejected them constantly. like really gross passes that reminded me of why i “hate (stereotypical) men”. bc it was real bro-style creeping. hitting on me incessantly. always hanging all over me and making any excuse to have physical contact. making gross innuendo “jokes” that went too far just… always. at one point they licked my ear when we were taking a photo together. etc.

now i confronted them on this many times. asked them to tone it down. explained how uncomfortable and stressed they made me. told them “i’m sorry but i just don’t feel that way and i wanna be friends” like god SO often. my sister (used to be friends w them too) even would sit and we’d try to explain to them why they needed to stop.

but of course, they’d always reply to this with extreme defensiveness. say i was just over thinking it. that this is just who they were. that they joke with ALL their friends this way (sidenote i’ve seen how squeamish they can make their other friends). that “maybe i should rethink my standards for what is okay and not okay”. would even accuse me of being paranoid and “gaslighting” them. even when it got better, they were always making little jokes like “oh srry i wanted to pat you on the back but idk if you’ll get mad at me” like they really wanted to let me know i was in the wrong. and beyond that, they always seemed to be like actively trying to find new avenues of hitting on me.

and that was just the personal space issues. they’d also like rage at games when we played together? like slamming my controller to the floor when they lost. being overly competitive. being rude to my other friends if they were “holding them back” in a game. they’d actually criticize people who didn’t agree with how they wanted to play as being “unskilled” and “not real gamers”. and if you ever were beating them, they’d be all angry and say stuff like you were being “ cheap”. any mistake they made in a game was “people cheating”. but any time they did well (including purposeful exploiting), it was a boast worthy achievement. trashtalk all day but only they were allowed to do it.

it was weird too bc TBH THEY AREN’T EVEN ALL THAT GOOD. like overall, i’d almost always beat them. my sister too. they were mediocre at best. but of course… they’d literally make statements like “i almost always beat you” and “i usually win” when it was just… such a rare occurrence. its just… when it came to trying to have a fun play session with people, they put the game and winning above… you know… having fun w the rest of us? and sidenote they were always SUPER picky about what game we played. and when it came to options like “what guns to use” or “what stage to play”… you know how often people take turns so everyone is happy? on their turn, they’d get respect. but on everyone elses turn, they’d always like… fuck around and change options back to theirs and like revert stuff and just…

not that age matters but did i mention they were 27. i mean idk i only bring it up bc they reminded me so much of a little kid like esp about videogames. but there were a lot of other issues with them too. but i’ll just bring up the last big one. they… morally/politically? they tended to be in a cool direction in general. v “supports human rights overall” kinda person. but… they were the type who were idk v quick to judge? they would make extreme judgement calls with no information. they’d always end up fixated on conspiracies rather than perceiving things with moderation. people can think what they want imo, but the issue here is how they needed anyone close to them to agree with them too? 

example: one time i was driving w them in an area that had very little shops and it was late and i had forgotten to pick up a gift for someone we were meeting. just a small thing to thank them for a favor. the ONLY store open and around was walmart. yes fine walmart sucks but  idk i needed a gift. i mentioned i was gonna stop by there and they were like “no not walmart”. and i’m like “yeah i know lol” and they were like “no seriously we cant go in there”. long story they refused to go in, wouldn’t wait in the car, and made it out like if i went in that there would be a big problem. i ended up showing up to the person empty handed and it sucked. another time just recently i was gonna get some lays potato chips and they were like “ew no you can’t buy anything from the cocacola company” and like shamed me and walked off so i couldn’t get them. idk this kinda stuff happens all the time tbh? but it doesn’t stop at just like pretentious annoyance. they’d go HARD with political opinions too and if you disagreed w them they’d HATE you. not just internet forums or strangers. but friends. one time my sister (who for the sake of the story is pan and leaning towards non-binary) disagreed with them when they made a sweeping statement on fb about how some specific thing made everyone “transphobic”. anyways when my sister tried to discuss it with them they literally sicked their friends on her and insulted and browbeat her until she just had to leave. she got stressed at the end and yelled back finally and then they sent her a pm like “i’m really disappointed in you. i’ll be waiting for an apology when you’re ready to give it”. lol long story short my sis dropped them at that point. as she put it “i thought highschool was over”. she was already super mad at them for how they were treating me sexually anyhow tho like... srry but i guess one of my points is my sister is like one of the coolest, nicest, best people i know. she never drops people. but she dropped THEM. over the years i’ve asked them why they go from 0 to 11 so fast and why they don’t... idk... “lead” people into agreeing with them rather than angrily and violently just immediately demanding it? and as they put it “people with strong opinions will never change so don’t bother with them” and “i act how i do as an example to others of how to be a good person”. but god i guess just recently i came to realize that they were just... i don’t think they cared about other people. they just wanted to protect THEMSELVES above all else? they wanted a reason to judge people. it was all an excuse for them to feel self-righteous and act entitled and superior. oops i forgot to mention that they’re pan and gender-neutral as well? maybe they identify as trans but idk. the only reason i mention it is bc they definitely use it as a way to shame people and feel superior. i know it’s easy to be sensitive about that stuff considering, but they go above and beyond. and it’s weird that they’re all about human rights and w/e bc GOD they’re so gross sexually and... srry another example. so they’re a furry. totally fine imo. but one day we were walking around a downtown area with a lot of bars late at night and they were wearing fox ears/tail and bein themselves nbd. but we passed by a “drunkbus” right as cookie-cutter bros spilled out of it. one of them was like “hey i didn’t know the furry convention was in town” and i immediately got super angry and turned to say something. but then i looked to see my friend had just continued to walk away? i took a breath and walked back to them and was like “i’m so sorry like do you want me to say something?” and they were like “it’s okay some day i’ll fuck them until they like it” or “until i turn them” or god idk i think they maybe even used the term “rape”... alarm bells tbh. blahh i won’t go into any more details but lets just say how they act and how they say a person SHOULD act is a dictionary definition of hypocrisy. well anyways, i guess my point i wanted to make with this backstory is, as i’ve finally come to realize... they’re an immature, self-righteous, spoiled person with a pretty distinct martyr complex. and they’re kinda rapey. they always used to complain about all this drama they had and how awful everyone was to them... and it always sounded like “really bad luck”? but i realize now that they were just a tornado of selfishness with like no emotional control and they couldn’t keep friends for too long before it just had to end in a big flaming ball. sorry like i should point out i know they’re obv full of mental illness... but i don’t think they really go to therapy or seek help for any of it? like so many of us on here are pretty messed up but we do our best? this person is not doing their best. they clearly feel the world should change before they do. anyways anyways anyways. this friendship lasted for idk 2 years? 3? it was weird that i didn’t notice my own reactions as warning signs. like when i don’t know someone too well or am having issues... i’ll often bring another friend to hangouts as a sort of buffer. maybe uncool, but it helps. usually this only lasts for like one or two hangouts. but with this ex friend, it lasted the entire period. whenever i tried to hang out w them alone, a much bigger incident would always happen, and i’d go back to square one. but okay. the actual story of the incident: so i was always trying to get them to hang out with me and another friend bc i felt like we all had v similar hobbies, and this past tuesday it finally happened. we all hung out at other friend’s place and played games and ate food and outside of exfriend’s usual little issues, it went really well. at some point it was mentioned that sonic mania released that day. it was something we had all been very excited about, but we already had plans that day and some of us (me) didn’t want to experience the game the first time in a distracted social environment. but i mentioned “ugh i have a doc appointment early tomorrow but i’ll still dl it right when i get home. i better not play it tho lol weh”! when they heard i was buying it, they were like “oh man you gotta let me come over and try it”. i knew they were a big fan of the guy who made it and a huge sonic fan, but also that they had just lost their job and money was tight (i had to buy their food that day). i had a feeling they’d morally be against pirating it temporarily until they could afford it. so idk i was like “hey listen as long as we only play like the first act each, i could take you to my place before i drive you home. but only if you’re okay with being v quick bc i have dr in the morning”. sidenote they refuse to drive and don’t use a bike so hanging out with them always involved carting them around. and no before they lost their job (v recently), they coulda def afforded it. they literally were constantly buying insanely expensive collectibles like think of the most expensive gaming stuff you can and they prob have it. sealed panzer dragoon saga. vectrex with every game. fami twin with working disc system parts. ique with most games loaded. mint physical laserdisc copy (beta?) of dragons lair from the arcade machine. whatever. my point is they spent all their money on toys instaid of bettering themselves. we all do it but they took it to an extreme. one other thing... they only would communicate over their parent’s lan line phone and over facebook. they refused to have a cellphone. back to story. they excitedly agreed to my conditions and we went back to my place and installed the game. i started playing and god it was amazing (obv)! i got to the end of act 1 in a couple of minutes and was like “okay i should rly quit and hand it to you” but they were like “no no finish the zone” and tbh it was so good i agreed. so i played until i beat the boss and then i was like “okay i can’t go further” and quit and then handed it to them. i think the whole zone took me like... 5 minutes? this is when it started getting weird. i noticed my gf had called and like idk she was a bit worried bc i normally call her after i get home from my other friend’s place (we hang every tuesday like clockwork) and it had gotten really late but i forgot to let her know. it was really sweet and i didn’t want her to worry so i was like “hey uh shoot do you mind if i call her?” and tbh they were like already so absorbed in playing the game they weren’t even paying attention to me. but i had given them the rly comfy chair but it blocked the exit to the room. i couldn’t even squeeze by unless they moved first. so i started like asking them ‘hey uh do you mind pausing and moving so i could get by?”... nothing. again i asked. ignored. this went on for like idk 30 sec? a minute? until i finally was like hovering my finger over to hit the pause button like “can you please just pause so i can leave” like... and only then did they finally say “well fine but i don’t even know how to pause”. let me take the time to point out that they are prob the most techy person i know. esp about old game systems. they build flashcarts and repair ancient consoles and solder and mod and they worked the past 4(?) years at a legit retro game store. and they were amazing to begin with. it’s a small thing, but they coulda figured out how to pause a switch. they’d played one many times before too. so finally i have them pause it. and i’m like still standing there for 30 sec or so and they still aren’t budging? and i’m like “you uhh gotta get up so i can get by the chair is blocking me”. they continue to idk ignore??? i finally have to literally pick up the chair WITH them still in it and move it aside. only then could i pass. idk but i didn’t get angry or anything bc i was just relieved to finally get by. as i walked out of the room i mentioned to them “hey if i take too long just keep playing obv but when i walk in please pause it and quit immediately so i don’t see later level content plz” (i’m a big baby and have been avoiding all details for so long and was looking forward to the surprise lol). and they were like “okay” or something. i went out to my car and talked w my gf for god idk 15 or 20 min? i didn’t want to talk that long but she was going to bed soon and was a bit down/ill and i still wanted to talk to her and idk i knew worst case my one friend would love the extra time to play. and i felt like if i stayed out that long i could go in to a very satisfied friend, you know? so i get off the phone and head inside. i enter the room and am like “okay i’m back plz pause it like we gotta go”! ignored. i ask again kinda lol trying to plug my ears and not look. ignored. at that point i notice the same song from the first zone is playing and i look over and it is in fact the same level and i’m like ??? “wait how are you still on the first level??” and they were like “oh i’m completing all of the special stages”. the first thought i had was like oh wow cool they really wanted to stick to my initial request of only playing the first zone? unnecessary but v nice of them! i guess i was really reaching for an explanation lol... so whatever they still are playing so i sit down next to them and am watching them play for another minute or so. i was about to say something bc they still weren’t stopping but then i notice how close they are to the boss and am like “oh okay cool you’re p much to the boss so you’ll be done super quick”. they keep playing. at that point i notice they’;re like... taking sonic up and around the level kinda in circles? and backtracking? like? it’s really weird and i’m like “wait what are you doing” and they’re like “trying to get rings to complete the special stages”... so i’m like “uhh sorry tbh but i’m already way past when i wanted to go to bed is there any way you can just... go to the boss”?? and they’re still doing their thing and ignoring me and so i speak up again like “cmon like i’m really sorry but this doctors appointment is an obligation and i really need to get to bed”. and at that point they pause the game. stand up angrily. kinda fling the controller so it hits the table and falls onto the hard floor. they start kinda flailing their arms angrily and say in this really sour tone “oh im sorry i just thought you were gonna idk let me PLAY the GAME”??? i start replying like “listen i’m sorry i just like i don’t have a choice in the matter like i have to go to bed like you had like 3 times as much time as i did and idk maybe you can take the switch into the car or something idk??” and they just kinda angrily say “whatever whatever just stop yelling at me”. btw i’m not yelling. i’m definitely definitely not yelling. i’m not even angry. calm. nice. confused at best? and this isn’t one of those things where it’s like “im not yelling bc when i yell you really KNOW it”... i just wasn’t yelling by anyone’s terms. at that point i’m like “listen i’m sorry i just don’t know why this is becoming such an issue like idk maybe you can wear headphones in the car and keep playing later levels or...” and that’s when they’re like “it doesn’t matter just STOP yelling at me”. and the chair is in the way of the exit and needs to be like lifted and moved so we can leave. but at that point they take their foot and just KICK the chair across the room. at that point i’m kinda like “listen i’m sorry if i have a tone in my voice or am hurting your feelings but tbh it’s kinda hard to remain perfectly calm when you’re sorta throwing a temper tantrum and..” and that’s when they shouted as loud as they could “OKAY NOPE UH UH BYEEE” and swung open the door and ran through the house to the exit door. i’m trying to call after them like “shit i’m really sorry but i don’t have time to chase after you i gotta go to bed please can i just take you home like if you leave i gotta just let you and go to bed” and they ignore me and run outside. it’s like 2am at this point btw. i kinda go outside to check if they’re standing there cooling down but no. long gone. ran down the street i think. so i go back inside. turn the light out. and lock the door. i just dont have time to deal with this. i want to but i can’t. but i sit there for a few minutes. and... (maybe) the mentally ill/abused side of me is like “well you COULD go look for them and try to calm them down and drive them home and it wouldn’t take THAT much longer than you were gonna already spend driving them, right? worst case if you don’t find them you can just go home and go to bed”. and so i head outside.as i enter my car tho, i get this weird gut awful feeling of deja vu? i realise pretty quickly that this scenario was pretty similar to the ones i had pretty regularly with my one really bad ex gf. the one who was a manipulative sociopath that used me and cheated on me and also had no emotional control etc etc etc lol? and idk i was surprised bc... i thought that this part of my life had been over. but still... the dumb side of my brain ignored that and carried on. i drove along the path i assumed they walked, thinking maybe they woulda taken the time to calm down. after a bit i finally caught up to them. i pulled up slowly and kinda called out like “hey i’m really sorry like i never wanted it to go down that way like you’re my friend like let me take you home i’m really sorry”. they ignored me for a bit and kept doing that angry car walk thing as i had to slowly follow behind and continue apologizing. finally they stopped and came to the window. they were like “listen you can’t talk to me like that and abuse me like that like what you did was so awful and bullying and ..” and went on like that for a min. and i was like “listen i’m sorry and i know me using that one word in particular must have really set you off but idk..” like trying to explain to them why i said “temper tantrum” (BC THATS WHAT THEY FUCKING HAD BTW THATS WHAT IT GD WAS) but i was trying to be nice about it? so i continued on “well i mean the reason i said that was okay like i know you were agitated but you kinda like tossed my controller haphazardly and it hit the floor and yeah i’m sure it was an accident...” and at that point they stuck their head inside the window like super close to my face and shouted as loud and angrily and full of spittle as they fucking could “WELL MAYBE IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT THEN”!!!! i’m like... idk... adrenaline just dumps into my body. i’m giving this person so so so many chances tonight. being so nice. and this is a problematic friend to begin with. and they’re shouting in my face like this as i try to apologize to them so i can drive them home after they ran off. but i’m a pacifist and i try to avoid conflict. but still... i’m like, probably quietly, “you... you can’t just yell at me like that. you aren’t allowed to yell at me like that.” and they open their mouth and start shouting more. and that’s when i shout back “I WON’T LET YOU SHOUT AT ME LIKE THAT”!!! idk if it scared them or what like i know i’m pretty booming and alarming when i shout idk but regardless they yanked their head out of the window and backed away from the car and i split second checked they were clear and i just floored it. but... i quickly slammed on the breaks. took a breath. decided i didn’t want it to be like this (do you see how stupid/messed up i am). i put it in reverse and turned around to back up. but i have to slam on the breaks. thank god i was only idling at that point. bc they’re pressed RIGHT up against my back bumper. i’m trying to comprehend all this bc there’s a v big sidewalk and they were on it when i started to speed off so why are they right behind my car now? a BIG alarm bell goes off in my head but i ignore it. i stare at them as they wait pressed against my bumper for like half a minute, giving them “what are you doing” eyes and gestures. finally they come back to the window. i’m like “listen. i’m really really sorry. it’s okay if you hate me. we don’t have to talk about it or at all. i made a mistake. i’m very sorry. can i just... take you home? i feel bad. we can try and work out this stuff later if we have to”. at that point they start yelling at me again (not screaming but just normal yelling) and telling me how awful and bullying and abusive etc i am and how their reactions were justified and idek bc they started walking off again. FINALLY. FINALLLLLY. my brain accepts this situation as fairly impossible and unreasonable and i decide i gotta be done. i just... can’t? anymore?? even if i wanted to... i don’t have time? so i pull up next to them and say sternly “you know what? you can’t treat your friends like this or they will LEAVE you.” and i sped off. i think i heard them screaming after me like “YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE” but god knows like my car is junk but i had floored it so they were long gone. okay so that’s PRETTY much the end of it. i decided pretty quickly after that that i was DONE with this person forever. that this wasn’t the kind of friendship i wanted. over the next few days i came to realize i should have been done with this person almost immediately. again, weird parallels to my worst ex. you don’t have to be dating someone or romantic w them for it to be a super abusive relationship. well anyhow i decided to avoid facebook or communicating w them for a bit so i could figure out how to like “officially end it”. because i was sure that they’d have gone on fb and written one of their common “i’m sorry i acted that way BUT” fake apologies where they pretend to be sorry but then negate the apologies by justifying all their behavior by making me out as some super abusive monster. 3 days later, i bite the bullet and check facebook, bc i realize this also is a pretty easy way for me to like... end it with them in a polite and cordial way? to pretend i don’t hate them. to talk to them in a way that hopefully keeps them from freaking out at me the next time our paths cross? also bc deep down i still do remember the good times and have a bit of respect for them. sure enough, it was there. the half-apology that leads into “you need to learn how to talk to people”. “you bullied me just like this person”. “when you talk to anyone you should use this tone”. tbh i only barely glazed over it. i started my reply along the lines of “i don’t want to get into a big discussion about what happened, but i think it would be best if we parted ways. i don’t think we’re compatible as friends. i hope we can be polite if we ever run into each other again. i’m really sorry that it turned out this way.” etc etc etc. part way in, i noticed their last short msg. sent way after the initial bunch of “sorry not sorry”s. it was just a half sentence. “i guess i should apologize for jumping in front of your car...” ... THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE. THAT BASTARD. THEY REALLY DID IT. THEY REALLY WERE TRYING TO FORCE ME TO INJURE THEM WITH MY CAR SO THEY COULD ENTRAP ME OR SUE ME OR FUCK MY LIFE UP. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CRAZY AND PARANOID WHEN I HAD THAT THOUGHT BUT IT WAS TRUE. THAT ABSOLUTE LUNATIC. *deep breath* i’m still shaken. it was just a fluke that i didn’t step on the gas before i noticed them against my bumper. it EASILY could’ve gone down in the worst way. god. and all this over me asking them to stop playing sonic mania. tbh the experience kinda soured the game a bit for me? i mean... thank god it’s so good but really who even gives a shit bc it’s just a game like GOD fucking DAMN i can’t believe i had something so FUCKED happen at this stage in my life. i know it’s a really self-hating thing to do to blame myself for having someone like that around but... my. god. i ended up sending the fb message that i was initially planning and ignoring all the impulses to scream at them or call some authority (idek what i could do here) or tell them they need immediate help or what bc what the fuck. and i haven’t checked fb since. i wanna be done forever. i don’t ever wanna see or hear or hear about this person again. it’s a bit silly but i’m cleaning house and getting rid of all the stuff they got for me (i rejected most of their “wooing” gifts but a few still got through bc general gift exchange”. i know it’s messed up but i even washed all the clothes i was wearing w them regardless if it needed a wash or not. maybe it was symbolic. but they’re dead to me. god. it’s not just for the best it’s goddamn mandatory.

ANYWAYS so that’s it i guess. sorry i know how long this was. i don’t REALLY expect anyone to read through all this. but if you do, plz lmk so i can say thanks i guess lol? it’s just nice to get it all out there bc it kinda messed me up... really bad? idk. and oh um i’ll still reply to people individually for asking about the previous post that related to this? but it’s taking me a bit to do replies bc i’m just... kinda scared regarding social stuff rn considering.  i guess the last thing i’ll say is if part of you is telling yourself that someone is abusive and you find yourself constantly making really big considerations or umm excuses just to hang out with someone? maybe don’t. there are many good people out there for you. abusive people can be dangerous. be careful and try to surround yourself with nice, happy people. <3

[crowsredlondon]

Fields of Gold

 (I’m so bad with titles srry not srry) Soooo this is inspired by this lovely post: http://im-drunk-on-daydreams.tumblr.com/post/152227071057/okay-picture-this-kaz-and-inej-in-novyi-zem-a-few by @im-drunk-on-daydreams It’s just such an incredibly cute and pure idea i love it so much. This more or less the first fic I’ve posted on here so bear with me. Also, all characters belong to the amazing @lbardugo​ who has created such a fantastic world of people who simply will not let me go and are constantly on my mind. 

It was a perfect summer day, the kind neither of them could have imagined enjoying as they did now.

Inej had convinced Kaz to join her on the most recent voyage. It wasn’t his first time on the ship, accompanying her at sea, but it was the first time he had allowed himself to admit that he was going purely because he wanted to. In years past he had always kept up the illusion that traveling on the Wraith with her was for business purposes, or sometimes he simply hadn’t indulged in pondering reasons at all. This time though, it was clear that he was here because he wanted to be; to travel at her side, to visit Nina in Ravka, and most recently to visit with Wylan and Jesper in Novyi Zem, at they Fahey farm, where they had been spending the summer. That was where Kaz and Inej were at the moment. The bastard of the Barrel and his Suli saint had taken to the fields at the edge of the property, the grass rolling in soft waves with the lull of the wind. Kaz had abruptly plopped down on the ground, claiming he needed to “rest his bad leg.” Although Inej rolled her eyes, seeing straight through his bullshit, she allowed herself to fall down next to him. They spent a blissful eternity there in comfortable silence, enjoying the sun and each other’s company.  

Suddenly, Inej’s daze is broken as she feels a gentle tug at her hair.

“Kaz, what-” she shifts her gaze from the cloudless blue above them to the boy perched beside her, stumbling over what to say as she finds him intricately weaving flowers into her hair. The usual suit remains, but his sleeves are rolled messily up to his elbows, his gloves cast aside. They’ve been making the trek out to this corner of the farm for a few weeks now, and slowly but surely she has seen him relax into spending time here. The gloves, which he wears less than he used to, came off first. She can sometime catch him messing with loose strands of her hair or even playing with the soft blades of grass that surround them. Today’s behavior however, is new and it takes her by surprise. Her hair, which is gently hanging over her shoulders, released from its typical tight braid, is filled with small yellow and white flowers, the kind that grow in the field. She assumes they are some sort of wild daisies. Kaz must have been working on it for a while, given his progress, she decides. His graceful lock pick fingers have successfully laced them through most of her hair. Such substantial progress, she concludes, that he must have finally tugged on her hair intentionally so she would notice what he was doing. She can feel him watching her as she takes it all in and so she finally turns to meet his gaze. He sort of freezes when their eyes lock and she swears she can see a glint of the boy he used to be, as if he’s just been caught stealing sweets. The look is gone just as fast as it appeared and his eyes return to where his hands silently continue to work.

She shifts her focus back to the sky and is about to make a joke about him and flowers when she hears him say, “My family used to own a farm.”

She takes a sharp breath in surprise at his openness and then holds it, not wanting to breath or move or speak and shatter the moment.

“I think about it sometimes, more since we’ve been here. I didn’t think I’d ever want to go back but…” he trails off, leaving her wondering until he continues, “It’s actually really nice here and I’m reminded of how nice it was there. It makes the idea of returning seem less horrible.” She hums in response, still unsure of what to say. It’s been three years since he slowly started to try to take down some of his armor but he’s never talked about his life prior to Ketterdam before.

He drops his hands from her hair, satisfied with the job he’s done. She brings the palm of her hand to his cheek and gently laces her fingers through the hair just above his left ear. He’s grown his hair out a little on the sides, inspired by the discovery that she can run her fingers through the hair on the top of his head without making him flinch at skin contact. He’ll never admit it, but sitting and letting her play with his hair is one of his favorite things. It makes him want to smile even at times when the world may be crumbling down around them. Right now, he feels at peace, relatively speaking. They’ve discovered that warmth helps too, its radiation allowing her sun kissed skin to brush against his face. The heat of the sun on her skin doesn’t fully banish the waves that lap at his ankles, the memories that still haunt him, but it forces them to subside enough so that he can now lean into her touch rather than away.

It’s moments like this when he can’t believe that he’s made it this far from where he once was. The work is by no means done, a handshake on a cold winter’s day still sending him into a spiral. But sitting with Inej now he has not a single doubt in his mind that the work he’s put in, the work they’ve put into making progress, is worth every second of pain he’s endured. He also can’t quite believe she’s stuck around, returning after every trip to hunt down slavers, no matter how often he fears she’ll stay away this time. A part of him still screams to push her away, reminding him that this sense of vulnerability is dangerous. But what was once an overwhelming siren has seen slipping, slowly but surely, into a dissipating echo in the back of his mind.

They spend another hour or so lying in the field, side by side, talking and listening to each other before heading back. The sun begins to dip lower in the sky as they make their way, hands pressed gently together. He turns to her as she laughs. He’s thrown back to a vision of her perched on his window sill in the slat and then to her walking off towards her parents and the Wraith in the Ketterdam harbor. Her laugh is illuminating and all consuming, the golden glow of the sun that casts across the world right before dusk.

“That’s the laugh,” he repeats the words he murmured, which never found their way to her ears all those years ago. It wasn’t that far in the past, he reminds himself, though it feels like forever ago as she turns to him now, and smiles. Warmth spreads throughout his chest, his heart, his soul. Worth every second of pain, he confirms, worth every single second.

It’s another decade or so before he tells her as much.

[arizonawerewolf]

botw stuff again always

i think striving for truly open world games is – is a bad idea, just straight up. a game where you can just do anything. i think gta v, for example, kind of clunked in areas like the yoga and tennis minigames, shit that just padded out the world because they wanted some sort of flash to make it more lifelike, since you cant program in every store and house you could possibly go into on that map. it really shined for strangers and freaks missions, and random encounters, which actually pad out the world and give it depth and life. and some open world games (bethesda srry i have a lot of fun with you & i love you) come out a mishmash of 5k kinda fleshed out ideas (which is ok when ur plot is really good and downright terrible when it isnt)

i think crafing a world with very set parameters and very set abilities, but different ways to use those to your advantage is what we can do, and do WELL at this point in time. like nintendo makes some pretty fucking solid games, and its acing its worldbuilding with this one. dont just include fucking cooking if its gonna be barely used, make it important. dont just have a magnet ability you only use in battle, make metal an integral part of the world you can play with. you get me? video games could do well to follow traditional story telling theory: if something is there, it should serve a purpose. more than that, in this medium, it should serve the gameplay, which should serve the story.

i dont wanna get too buckwild til i actually finish the game bc my feelings might change, but fuck, the first however many dozens of hours have been an imperfect wonderful experience. just a joy. it doesnt let you do anything; it clearly lines out what you can and cant do with what you have. and then it sets you fuckin loose in a world, not where it feels like the game draws arbitrary lines, but the lines are defined by your own creativity and skill. it incentivizes curiosity, it rewards adventurousness. its space doesnt set out to wow players, its space and scale play a major role in creating stakes for the player and acting as part of the plot itself. and THATS what people are fussing about it being good for – because there is so very little out of place here, and it throws into sharp relief how much in other games is out of place