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coloraturadiva · 4 years

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A mistake - Chapter 2

Pairing: Napoleon Solo x F!Reader (You)

Summary: Napoleon comes home and finds a surprise

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Warnings: angst, pregnancy (I’m sure I forgot something...)

Word Count: 1551

A/N: a special thank you to my lovely beta @iloveyouyen ! The third and last chapter of this story has already been written so don’t worry, you’ll get to read how it ends 😉

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

Feedback, reblogs and constructive criticism are appreciated!

Please don't post any of my content anywhere else without my permission. Comments and reblogs welcome!

Tagging some people that never asked for it and others that actually did: @iloveyouyen @littlefreya @aletheladyinred @madbaddic7ed @promptandpros @mrsaugustwalker @jencanbeyouryengeralt @radaofrivia @henrythickcavill @ladyreapermc @mary-ann84 @onlyhenrys @qualitynightkoala @eefjedegraaf @summersong69 @minillamakeup-blog @ladyreapermc

If you want to be tagged in the next chapter, please ask me!

You were walking home after work on a rainy afternoon, one of your hands resting protectively on your belly. You were still in distress, but you were also extremely excited to finally become a mother. You loved your little one to bits.

In your hand you were holding a bag with new clothes. 9 weeks had passed since you had talked to your grandmother and most of your clothes didn't fit you well anymore: you needed new maternity ones.

In the past weeks you talked infrequently with Napoleon: this mission was incredibly demanding, and dangerous, you imagined, and he didn't have many occasions to safely phone you without risking to compromise his work. You missed him terribly. He was trying, as always, to reassure you, but you felt from his voice that he was very tired and always on the edge. You would have given anything to have him home safe, resting in your bed. On a couple of occasions you tried to tell him about the baby, but you never had the courage to bother him during a mission. You would have preferred to talk to him face to face, but weeks passed and he never mentioned the date of his return, so you had made up your mind to tell him on the next call.

Once you set foot in your apartment, you realised that the light in the kitchen was turned on. Maybe you had forgotten it in the morning? You hung your coat by the door, placed your shopping bag on the console table and moved towards the kitchen.

“I can't believe that you are home late from work for the first time in years right on the day I come back from the longest of missions” his unmistakable voice coming from the kitchen made your blood freeze in your veins.

You entered the room and saw him standing by the sink, washing something he had likely used to prepare what was now cooking in the oven.

“My lovely lady is having fun without her man at home? Did you go shopping? Did you meet...” he turned around and stopped dead on his tracks. His eyes went to your abdomen. The light blue dress you were wearing didn't do much to conceal your growing roundness.

He stood there for what felt like hours, his mouth gaping, his eyes focused on your belly.

He had a bruise on his cheek, you noticed. And he looked pale and tired. In another situation you would have run to him, taking him in your arms and caressed his bruised cheek, but your legs weren't working and your brain was exploding. Say something Leon. Please, say something.

“What have you done?” he talked like a robot. His usually caressing voice sounded cold.

“What have WE done” you answered with a strength you didn't know you had. Maybe it was your maternal instinct talking?

He finally moved his gaze to look in your eyes. Your hands went to your belly.

His gaze was as cold and empty as his voice. He wasn't looking at you with loving eyes as he had done for years.

“We?”

“It takes two people to make a baby.”

“But you...”

“I am the one with a baby bump. Yes, it works like that. You were listening during biology hour.”

“I didn't want this.”

“I know, but it happened. Now we can...” you attempted a weak smile, moving a step in his direction.

“No!” he shouted at you. You took a step back, scared by his violent reaction. He had never ever shouted at you. “I still don't want it.”

The first tear rolled down your cheek.

“I envisaged it” you whispered, bowing your head.

“You should have told me.”

“Why? You don't want this baby. What's the difference?” your voice was trembling.

“I wouldn't have bothered coming here, seeing you like that...”

You looked up and shot a furious look at him.

“Listen my... Y/N. I overreacted and I'm sorry for that. Still, I can't be a father. I never wanted to be a father. I shouldn't be there.” He started walking towards the door, but you blocked his way.

“Napoleon, what are you doing?”

“I'm going away. I can't bear to stay here.”

“This is your house.”

“You can keep it, if you want. Or sell it, do whatever you want.”

“I don't care about the house! But us? I'm your wife...”

“You're right” he nodded. “I'll talk to my lawyer. I think we can solve this easily and with full satisfaction for both of us.”

“Leon, what are you saying? You want to blow up everything we built like that?”

“I can't stay like this.”

“So you leave me because something is not like you want it?”

“It's something really important.”

You sighed, he wasn't listening to you. He had already made up his mind.

“This is the one thing I've always been against. I never asked for much...”

“You never asked for much??? Do you have the faintest idea of what I do for you? I've been lying for you to family and friends EVERY. SINGLE. DAY about nearly anything regarding you to protect you and your job for years. Last year you were away from home 273 days. 273 DAYS. And when you come back you were deadly tired and bruised or injured. Most of the time I have no idea of where you are and when you'll be back. Or IF you'll be back. We can't go to certain places because you fear you can be recognised or I can be related to you. We are not even in the damn phone book and YOU dare to tell me that you never asked for much???”

“You knew about it all before marrying me. And you never complained.”

“Because I love you, you idiot! I endured it all for you, because I wanted to be with you despite it all.”

He bowed his head and stayed silent for a moment. You were right, you knew it.

“This just happened” you began, getting closer to him, resting your hand on his arm. “It's nobody's fault.”

“I'm not accusing you. I just saw it coming. I knew a baby would have come to separate us. We couldn't be happy together for too long.”

“It's your baby Napoleon, for God's sake!”

He looked at you like you were speaking an unknown language.

“I... I have to go”. He moved away from you and went to the front door. “I'll come tomorrow to get my things when you are at work, so I won't disturb you. I'll have my lawyer contact you for the bureaucracy. You can keep everything you want.”

He turned his back to you and opened the door.

“Leon, we can't end it like this...” you started to cry.

“I know, but there's no other way.”

“I want you.”

“You can't have me. Not like this.”

He closed the door and walked away, into the night.

You felt all your strength slip away from you. Your legs turned into jelly and you had to lean on the wall to carefully help yourself to sit on the floor.

It went exactly how you had envisioned. It was your worst nightmare taking place in real life. He couldn't even look at you. You had shared so much and now everything was gone. All ruined.

No one made a mistake. No one did anything wrong. Yet, both of you were paying the price of it.

Well, three of you. Your baby having to grow without a father will be paying as well.

This was so unfair.

You felt your heart breaking into small pieces. You literally felt it burn in your chest.

You loved him.

Despite everything, even what had just happened, you still loved him.

You curled on the floor, caressing your belly, and cried uncontrollably for hours. Your sobs were loud. Your neighbours had probably heard you from their apartment. You didn't care. You were physically hurting so much and being heard was the last one of your problems. You needed to throw out at least a bit of that pain. But it didn't work. You were just desperate to have him back, even if he was the cause of your pain. You couldn't believe that he was now your ex husband. You had hoped to spend all your life with him, fearing only the dangers provided by his job could take him away from you, but instead it was your defenceless and innocent baby to separate you. How ironic!

It should be his hands caressing your bump to soothe you, not your own. He should be here cuddling you, whispering you reassuring words, but he was gone.

The thought of not seeing him again felt like a slap on your face.

You'll have to do it all by yourself. Going through the pregnancy, giving birth, raising the baby. Alone.

You should be hating him for how he behaved, for how he treated you, for having abandoned you, but you couldn't do without loving him anyway.

Sometimes things are easier when you hate someone.

You weren't good at hating in general, and it was impossible for you to hate him.

He would still be the love of your life, despite everything.

And this hurt even more.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #napoleon solo #napoleon solo fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #the man from uncle #napoleonxreader #napoloeonsoloxreader #napoleon solo x reader #napoleon solo x you #x you #napoleon solo xfemale!reader #writing

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harry-sussex · 5 years

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A Note... and A Big Thank You

Gather ‘round, my friends. This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me as I write all of this out. I’d appreciate it if you would read until the end, if you’re interested.

It’s been a few weeks now, and I’ve had time to settle my thoughts and almost come to terms with what’s happened with the British Royal Family over the past month or so. It was difficult for me in a very, very real way. I don’t know The Duke and Duchess of Sussex or their son, and they will never know me, but I care for them in a way I can’t really describe. I can only hope that you all know what the feeling is like, as lovers of royalty yourselves. It’s hard enough to explain to people in the real world. I’m glad I won’t have to explain to you that the feelings - of affection, of pride, and of disappointment - are very real, very tangible... even with respect to complete strangers who live thousands of miles away, working for a country in which you do not live, with privilege and a lifestyle you could only imagine... the feelings are very real.

On January 8th, I was at work. Typing away, doing my thing, more or less minding my own business. I saw the Instagram notification - SussexRoyal made a post - and when I saw the little thumbnail image next to the notification of their engagement photocall, I literally thought oh my God, Meghan is pregnant. I clicked that notification faster than I’ve clicked anything in my life.

As you all know, that’s not even close to what they were saying. Ultimate high to ultimate low in a second flat. I remember my stomach dropping. And I remember the panic. Or at least my sheer, unadulterated panic because let me tell you - I was panicking. In a very real, heart pounding, head spinning, caps lock, oh my God no this isn’t happening way. My Harry was leaving and taking with him some of the best parts of who he is - a wife and child we’ve only just gotten to know, with whom we’d already fallen so in love, after waiting so long for them to appear in his life - and I. was. panicking.

Once we had a few moments as a fandom to wrap our heads around the Sussexes’ proposal as outlined on SussexRoyal.com, to develop some semblance of understanding, the second bomb dropped - HM was unaware of their decision to go public. Charles and William weren’t in on it, either. The discussions were preliminary and were far from adequate enough for the public’s questioning and demanding gaze. Harry did what Harry has always been prone to doing... he didn’t like the way things had to be, so he made his own rules.

It didn’t look good for my Harry, who I’ve always loved, always defended, even when the worst parts of his personality overshadowed the best. And for the first time in all the years I’ve been following him, I had nothing to defend him with. Nothing. He was wrong in my eyes - plain as day, he was a stubborn, spoiled, petulant brat who didn’t get his way immediately, and retaliated. He had his reasons, sure, and they were (and are) legitimate. But I couldn’t find a single way to defend the way he went about making it happen. And let me tell you guys - that was not easy for me to wrap my head around. I’d always found room in my thoughts to understand Harry’s relatively infrequent grand lapses of judgment. This time, I had nothing. My Harry was wrong. Wrong.

Not only was he wrong, but he seemed so lost, so desperate to get out. It was absolutely heartbreaking imagining my Harry - my strong, cheery, dedicated Harry - feeling so desperate for the sake of the safety of his wife and child that he went to this extreme. Abandoning the only life he’d ever know for a chance at peace. The only reason for such a move was sheer desperation. As infuriating as it was... it was equivalently, if not more, heartbreaking. He sought peace in the only way he thought he could, blindly fearful of the same forces that took his mother, now coming for his wife and son, clawing his way out so he could finally rest... heartbreaking. I don’t know this about him, but just imagining it was enough for me to feel sick to my stomach. My poor Harry. My poor, stubborn Harry.

Within minutes, this place was at absolute war. A war that has been building for several years finally hit its breaking point. I saw people turn on each other, turn on the royals, change their points of view. I saw language I’ve never seen in all of my years here. The blame game, finger pointing, complete dissolution of real relationships, friendships breaking, two factions violently clashing with every new piece of information released... it was awful. It was like a train wreck, or a dumpster fire. I’ve seen a lot happen in this fandom over the past six years, but I’ve never seen anything like January 8th. Never. I couldn’t sit around and watch it happen but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I had to be involved for the sake of this blog and for the sake of William, Kate, Harry, Meghan, the kids, and the rest of the British Royal Family, but I hated my involvement. It was an awful feeling. Combined with how awful I was feeling already about the idea of the split alone... I felt terrible for days. Weeks, even. Even now, just thinking about it, seeing photos of Harry and Meghan plastered all over every media source... even seeing William and Kate out and about, still doing their royal duties... I still feel absolutely awful about the whole thing. Lost, and sad, and lonely... just awful.

I was losing and gaining followers every minute. Some people I thought were friends vanished in the blink of an eye, because they didn’t like what I had to say. Some - violently so. My inbox and messages blew up - some agreeing with me, more screaming at me, and even more asking what the hell was going on. It’s been more than four weeks, and I still haven’t gotten through even a third of the messages. My head was spinning in the worst way, and I couldn’t shake it. I couldn’t believe it. All of these years of loving my Harry, waiting for him to find his partner, watching him find her, fall in love with her, propose to her, bring her into this unique world of his... traveling 3,500 miles to see the wedding in person, falling in love with Meghan for the simple reason that he loved her, crying for their pregnancy, and falling in love with the bump that became Bubba that became Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor... just for it to all get ripped out from under my feet not two years later. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t handle it. I was heartbroken and completely blindsided and lost and so, so immeasurably sad. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do.

People were coming at me in droves, mocking my longtime defense of the Cambridges and my omnipresent denial of the feud. Screaming about William, about how I’m awful for caring for him and his family after what he’s done to his only brother... screaming about the Royal Family and how I’m terrible for loving them despite what they did to Harry and Meghan... telling me to go focus on my “perfect” future King/Queen and leave the Sussexes out of my life, calling me the worst names for having the audacity to open my heart to more than Harry/Meghan/Archie... and worse. Much, much worse. My inbox was absolutely atrocious after this whole thing first happened. A lot of the messages have been since deleted, but just reading them once was more than enough for me.

I was so ashamed, knowing that this place that I often love so much has eroded to this. Violence, cruelty, arguing, slinging real insults, cursing the existence of some of my favorite people on the planet, cursing each other... it was so awful. So awful. There are no words to describe how it felt for me - a William girl, a Kate girl, a Harry girl, and a Meghan girl, through and through - to be a part of this fandom during these past few weeks. But mostly, it was absolutely, heartbreakingly awful. I’m strong enough to know that this stuff doesn’t matter, not really... but it does, in its own way. It does.

When the split was finalized with a quick, heartfelt, and ultimately quite succinct message from The Queen, I genuinely cried. Real tears, real heartbreak. That was it - the end of something many of us waited years and years for, gone after not even two. Never in my wildest dreams did I even entertain such an idea. The end of six years of following my Harry... done. Harry was one of the highlights of my day for so long and now... that’s it. It’s over. I was not ready for it, not even remotely prepared for even the idea of it (a split never once even crossed my mind as a possibility to begin with), and now... it’s over. And it hurts now, just as it did on January 8th and every day of every announcement since then. It hurts, in a very real way. It hurts. And Harry’s last speech sealed the deal. In ten minutes, he seemed to confirm the sheer desperation with which he acted. He reminded the world of his reasons for doing what he did - ultimately, to protect that which he holds most dear. He promised that he wasn’t bailing, but he couldn’t live this way anymore... I’ll admit, I bawled while I was reading it. I still haven’t listened to the audio; I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. It broke me completely. Shattered me. My Harry, the light of my life, broke my heart that day and I honestly believe things will never be the same for me with him. I’m heartbroken. Truly, honestly, even after all of these weeks... utterly heartbroken.

I’ve been called extra, dramatic, pathetic... both here and in my real life. I can live with that; that doesn’t bother me. The feelings are real. The pride, the disappointment, the heartbreak, the panic, the fury, the excitement, the joy... even though we don’t know these royals, the feelings are real. I’ll go to my grave saying that. Most of you guys understand that, I know you do. Dramatic? Maybe. But the way I felt, and feel, about this situation is very, very, agonizingly real.

I’m not sure if it’s apparent, but I’ve taken a bit of a break around here since the last statement dropped. I’ve been online, sure - occasionally reblogging, chatting, liking, commenting, and whatnot - but I haven’t been nearly as active as I tend to be. There’s a big hole in this place that the Sussexes left behind when they split from the Royal Family and it’s taken some adjusting for me to grow accustomed to their absence on my dashboard. I love William and Kate with my whole heart, you guys know that, but there’s just something missing right now. A little bit of spark, a little bit of my Harry magic is missing, and his absence from my day-to-day blogging dims the allure of this place significantly for me.

I’m still not sure what’s going to happen with this blog. A blog called Harry-Sussex is hard to keep up if there’s no more Harry Sussex to follow, you know? I’m not sure how to cover Their Royal Highnesses the future King and Queen alongside Mr. and Mrs. Sussex, regular people. This blog has been and always will be about royalty... what do you do when half of the royals you cover and care about decide they don’t want to be royal anymore?

I’ve been here for almost six years and I don’t really want to leave just yet. I think there’s a lot left to see, a lot left to say. I always wanted to stick around as long as I could, until William’s investiture as Prince of Wales at the very least, but the Sussex split has made that idea much less appealing. Maybe it’d be easier to follow these people I love so much from afar, instead of so closely. Maybe I could return to the blissful ignorance of the days before I had this blog, when I got excited over outfits and babies and tiaras instead of getting frustrated over finances and security and engagements. I’m not sure. What I do know is that this isn’t as fun for me as it used to be, and truly, I never thought I’d say that. But in all honesty, this... this has been different. Way different than anything in my wildest dreams.

I’m not leaving - please don’t mistake that. I’m not leaving, not yet, but I just want you all to know that my heart truly isn’t in this right now, and I want you to understand why. The Sussexes took most of it with them, and whatever’s left has been completely shattered by the way this fandom, this place turned on itself and absolutely imploded... destruction, violence, and cruelty, shattering it from the inside out. This place is fractured, it is damaged, perhaps irreparably. And it is very, very real. It may be an online space, but behind each blog is a real person with real feelings towards these very real royals, and the words one says and actions in which one partakes can have very real consequences.

That being said... the consequences do not always have to be negative. There are some truly wonderful people involved in this fandom, without whom I’m not sure how I would have made it through. It was hard, it still is hard, navigating this new “blog normal.”

There are quite a few people that I have met or interacted with over the years, and particularly since the split, who have made navigating this new normal much easier. It was so hard, I was so upset that I cannot adequately vocalize the feeling... but there are some people who went out of their way to cheer me up, however inadvertently. Through a quick message, chatting, sheer knowledge, or just making me laugh... I really struggled with this place for a bit. I wasn’t sure if I was going to bow out or not. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the malice, the negativity from the fandom compounded with missing Harry and Meghan more than I could stand.

I’m not, at least not now, and I truly believe I owe that to these people. In the weeks between the first statement and the last, the worst parts of this place were on full display for the world - and me - to see. I almost let it get to me; I almost let it win. The best parts, though - nearly overcome by the sheer magnitude of what was happening - revealed themselves to me in a time when I really, really needed it. My feelings regarding the split were tangible. The help these wonderful people provided to me was equivalently real, equivalently tangible.

So, with that, I’d like to name and thank more than a few people publicly who really, really made this place a place worth staying in during and in the immediate aftermath of the Sussex split:

@acaffeinateduniverse - Someone I’ve never spoken to before the split. You saw my posts about how heartbroken I was and sent me the absolute sweetest message, understanding and empathizing and generally just being very, very sweet. For worrying, and for understanding the reality of these feelings. You are a surprise bright spot in a place that can so often be dark and the world is better because you are in it. I’m so sorry that you’re equivalently upset by this new arrangement, but we will make it through together. You’re an absolute angel, thank you for being you.

@avidroyalfan - We’ve been through a lot on this website together, haven’t we, Debby? Thank you for always bringing it back down to Earth and for always coming out swinging - especially when anons are involved. For always caring about what I have to say. Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming into the void, but never if you’re around. Seeing your name always brightens my day. Thank you.

@cambridgemadness - We have almost nothing in common from a royal-watching standpoint and yet you took time out of your day to message me in the peak of this mess. We don’t even follow each other but you saw what was going on and put aside our differences and dissimilar preferences to reach out a hand. This place needs more of that. The problem here isn’t dissenting opinions; it’s the malice often associated with finding out someone feels differently than you do. You never did that - not with me - and I really appreciate it more than I can put into words. Thank you, Vanessa, for reaching out to a complete stranger so kindly. Seriously. Thank you.

@catherineandmeghans - What can I possibly say, Rach? We’ve been through a lot together over the years and there’s nobody out there who handles the ins and outs of this hellhole better than you do. For always being a bright spot in anyone’s day and for always speaking with understanding, level-headedness, and a (figurative) smile. For knowing when to take a step back. You are an angel.

@claireofluxembourg - It’s a rare thing when someone is a fan and a critic of the same royal, given the development and preeminence of stan culture - especially in this fandom. For not letting your love of Henry cloud your judgment. For always being hilarious (hello, Henry’s bald spot) and for always, always owning your shit. For never being afraid to speak your mind. For reaching out and understanding (even when I’m being dramatic) and for everything. You know, friend. You know. I love you so much ♡

@crownprincesses - For a rational brain, the sweetest disposition, and equal-opportunity-representation of everyone’s favorite royals. For understanding what was happening and responding so calmly. For never letting it get to you. I could learn a thing or two about that from you, Chiara. Thank you for it.

@defend-mm - For your passion, dedication, and availability. For your involvement. For the regular positivity in my notifications that I regretfully have taken for granted in the past. For your openness and enthusiasm and eagerness to defend. For your engagement with the broader community. We should all enjoy passion and excitement the way you do.

@duchessofostergotlands - The Queen herself. For knowing everything and never balking at sharing your knowledge. For being the most rational and thorough person I know. For level-headed understanding and never, ever judging - even and especially when I deserve it. For your openness and willingness to talk. For never letting your preferences get in the way of what others are feeling. For your understanding and patience. For RuPawl. I could go on, but I think you know. Thank you, Jessica.

@gloriousglorianas - One of the most level-headed people I know. Cece, I don’t know where this place would be without your calm, forgiving, and rational insight, but I’m glad I’ll never have to know. You are a steadfast pillar of rationality mixed with a heavy dose of excitement and passion and I appreciate it so much. Thank you for reaching out as kindly as you have and thank you for sticking through the mess and coming out stronger on the other side. For your nuanced understanding of anything and everything.

@grandmotherofeurope - Thank you for understanding, for loving him and knowing the heartbreak that came with the split. You reached out - again, without knowing me from a hole in the wall - without judging and with understanding and compassion and I’m forever grateful for it. I’m truly so, so sorry that you’re so hurt by what’s happened. I sympathize, and I understand. You’ll get through it, I promise. Thank you for being so sweet.

@harryandmeghansussex - My best girl. Becky, I don’t know how we made it through, but we did. It’s going to be an adjustment but if anyone’s going to be alright, it’s you. Harry and Meghan would be thrilled to know they have someone like you out there in their corner. These days, they need it. For the positivity, all of the challenges, and never letting the negativity get through. For the updates and the pictures and always keeping me (and everyone else) in the loop. I wouldn’t have known anything about the Sussexes beyond what was posted on Instagram without you. Thank you for keeping on top of it when the rest of us can’t. For understanding and valuing my points of view without bailing on a friendship because we differ. Another valuable commodity, a true rarity around here. Thank you.

@hollylite - The very first person to reach out when I was in the middle of having a nervous breakdown. Thank you for your consistent reassurances, your sweet demeanor, and for your understanding. Our conversation reminds me of the very best this place has to offer; you are most certainly a part of that. Thank you.

@hrhatbat - Morgan... Morgan Morgan Morgan. I swear you’re like a Texas-living, design-savvy, stylist clone of myself. We have so much in common it literally scares me, but I love it. Thank you for keeping things bright and airy around here. It felt so dark for a few weeks, but you never let that get to you or through you, and you never let it get past you to everyone else. Thanks for never judging and always having something else to talk about.

@lizisaroyalist - You know how much I adore you, but it needs to be in writing. For always making me laugh and for always coming out swinging. For the best insults (”cold slice of ham”) and for never taking yourself (or anyone else) too seriously. For always being in my corner. For laughing at the ridiculous messages I get, especially now. I could go on for hours. There aren’t enough words, but I think you know. Thank you for being you, Liz. I love you so so so much ♡ It’s come to my attention that you’ve chosen to leave since I started writing this, which is okay. We’ll be here if you ever want to come back. I hope you see this. You deserve to know how wonderful you are and how thankful I am for your friendship.

@lorising - Lo. What can I say that hasn’t already been said about you? For the love, the positivity, and the understanding. For defending anyone and everyone - royal or not. For the laughter, and the incredibly unique and invaluable optimism and enthusiasm. For reaching out with a hug and for being so warm and inviting to anyone and everyone. For your “infinite support.” We could all learn a thing or two from you.

@meghanscatherines - For being so willing to start new communities within this larger community. For your positivity and optimism. For being as sweet as pie. For understanding, empathizing, and being so compassionate. You’re a sweetheart, Bia. Thank you.

@middletonmarkle - The sweetest girl. Mackinley, seeing you in my notifications and on my dashboard always puts a smile on my face. For bringing me back down to earth with the smallest, sweetest comment. It’s the little things. Also, for being on the “William is attractive as all hell” train. I respect that - you know I do.

@mrmrswales - Our resident genius. I have no idea how someone like me and someone like you get along so well, but I’m thankful that we do. For always being willing to share your information. For the sheer breadth of knowledge and expertise you bring to the table. For being willing to have a conversation, even when that conversation involves someone you categorically cannot stand. For your drive, ambition, your attitude, and for always playing the Devil’s advocate. I wouldn’t know half of the things I do without you. May we all love and appreciate and take pride in our favorites the way you do yours.

@princeh3nry - The other fandom OG Harry girl. For understanding what it’s like to love him and for understanding what it’s like to love the rest of them, too. For never letting the atmosphere cloud your judgment. For years of Harry content. For (inadvertently) dragging me into the mess that is following Prince Harry all those years ago. For a nuanced and established point of view. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one still in this thing for Harry. Thank you for making me feel a lot less alone - especially now.

@princessanneftw - A seriously underrated person around here who never gets involved in the drama (and who seriously makes me laugh with every post). Thank you so much for reaching out when I was about to lose my mind. I know I haven’t answered your message (I’m terrible at that, notoriously) but I do go back and read it over and over when I get overwhelmed with this situation, which, even now, weeks later, is still quite often. It was so sweet and I am so grateful that you took the time to write it. You are an angel. You always crack me up - seriously, all the time - and that’s such a valuable commodity in this community. Thank you for your kindness and for your sense of humor.

@princesscatherinemiddleton - Our resident positivity guru, Duchess of Cambridge extraordinaire, fashion Queen. Grace, every community - online or not - deserves a person like you. From making it your personal mission to spread positivity among the darkness, to your calculated and fervent dedication to The Duchess of Cambridge, to welcoming The Duchess of Sussex with open arms... I don’t know what to say. It takes a special kind of person to willingly do what you do around here. I hope you never leave - we could use someone like you. Thank you for doing what you do and for reaching out directly. For understanding the bigger picture. So much love to you, my friend.

@queensonjas - I feel like you always understand what I’m trying to say even if it makes zero sense. Thank you for making me feel like a little bit less of a lunatic. Thank you for always including anyone and everyone. This place can be so ostracizing - thank you for never letting that happen, especially during this mess. I appreciate it more than I can say.

@riffraffrouge - I intentionally left this one last to write because I didn’t know how to put it into words, but I’ll try. Melissa, if I am grateful for anything that came from this disaster of a place, it’s you and your friendship. I had no idea that anyone on Earth loved both the Yankees and the Duchess of Cambridge the way I do... let alone someone who lives less than an hour away. When I made this blog six years ago, I didn’t think I’d get anything in my real life out of it. Fortunately, I was wrong. Thank you for everything you are and everything you do. For your kindness and for reaching out to anyone and everyone who needs a friend. For your enthusiasm (in everything) and for your willingness to speak, engage, learn, and teach. For freaking out with me when we signed Gerrit Cole and Brett Gardner. For laughing at the future of the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox. For never, ever, ever judging, especially for my hysterics during the split. Generally, for being the sweetest person on the face of the planet. There are no words, but I think (hope) you know. I’m so thankful that you’re you. Let’s get brunch again soon. I love you so so so so so much ♡

@rosegirl1416 - Another person I’ve never spoken to until the split. Your comments have not gone unnoticed, dear. Thank you for your patience and understanding. For your positivity and for the light you bring to this community. I’ll never forget your reply to one of my posts, telling me to breathe and take my time with getting back to everyone when I was in the middle of an outright breakdown. I needed to hear it. I really appreciate your kindness and generosity and humanity. This place lacks that kind of substance a lot of the time, but you don’t.

@will-make-more-mistakes-tomorrow - Your presence has not gone unnoticed, my friend. I see you day in and day out and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for your involvement, your generosity, your interest. It is rare to feel so seen and heard but you make it effortless. We all need someone like you in our corner. Thank you.

--------------------

I’m not sure when my activity level will pick back up again. Writing this whole thing over the past week has been extremely therapeutic, so maybe it’ll be sooner rather than later. I know I have a ton of unanswered messages, both in my inbox and in my personal messages. I know I owe answers, especially to many of you tagged above, and I promise they will come. I’m still feeling so overwhelmed with this place and with the new status quo of following and loving the British Royal Family. I’m still furious at the situation and I’m still so, so, so damn sad.

I still care for them, and I always will, but the allure and luster of following the royals has dulled significantly for me now that half the people I care about aren’t working for the family anymore. I’ve tried to get into other families, other royals, and I just can’t. It’s William, Kate, Harry, and Meghan for me, is and will always be. With half of them on the other side of the globe... what else am I supposed to do, you know? How do I keep this thing going? I’m not sure, but right now, the hole is just too big for me to actively work through it. Maybe the weight will lessen as the new norm becomes old news, but for now... the absence is just too big. It still hurts too much. I can’t bring myself to get excited over the future for them right now because it just hurts way too much. Ultimately, I’m happy for them, but I’m not happy about it. I’m not excited to see what the future holds because it isn’t what it used to be. I still adore them both, but right now, the excitement that many Sussex fans are feeling about the prospect of future projects is foreign to me. I hope that changes, but for now... I’m just not into it anymore. I’m just not. Not the way I used to be. It breaks my heart, but it’s the truth. It just doesn’t hold the same magic for me anymore.

What was the point of me writing this mammoth essay? A few reasons, I guess. I first wanted to acknowledge my comparatively lackluster activity since the final statement was released. I wanted to acknowledge that I know I owe many of you answers, and I wanted to promise that they are coming - because they are. I wanted to acknowledge specifically the people who reached out to me during the events and days leading up to the final statement when I made it loud and clear that I was not coping well. I wanted to be perfectly honest about what I’ve been feeling, about the heartbreak and disappointment and feeling lost and alone. I wanted to recognize my reasons for taking a step back and the reasons for my diminishing interest in covering the royals... despite the fact that I’d never thought that day would come.

Mostly, though, I wanted to acknowledge the completely toxic culture that is associated with this fandom. Many people have written pieces about how our little niche of the Internet is the worst one to be in, and on January 8th, for the first time, I really felt it. The way people treated each other was not right. Period. We’re all culprits, but most people make an effort. Some people do not, and it infiltrates the entire place. There are real people with real feelings - yes, even about these royals that we do not and never will know - behind these blogs. If you’re not thinking about how what you’re writing would come off if you were saying it out loud instead, then you’re not doing it right. We can differ without being cruel. We can have a conversation without slinging accusations. We can be civil in the face of differences. The mute, block, and blacklist functions are there for a reason. Use them. If you don’t like what someone has to say, then make sure it can’t come across your dashboard. If you’re going to react, do it fairly. Things are difficult enough in this world without having a space that’s supposed to be fun and interesting become a dark cloud over your day. If this isn’t fun for you anymore, then maybe think about why. And do whatever you can to change it. This is your space. You and you alone have to make sure that it stays positive, or else it won’t.

I’ve unfollowed 16 blogs since the split. 97 to 81. My blocked list is double that. I’m not thrilled about it, but this needs to be about me, just like your space has to be about you. I truly believe that’s the only way to keep this fun for everyone. This isn’t enormously fun for me anymore, but it doesn’t need to be that way for everyone. If you don’t like reading something, make sure you can’t read it. It’s really that simple.

Anyway... I’m sorry for the long post. I really am. If you’ve stuck around this long, then I seriously applaud you. Thank you for caring about what I have to say and the way I’ve been feeling. It really helped to get this all out in writing. I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal soon. I love you guys, you know that. I really do. And I love them still - aggravating as they may be. I’m hoping this feeling doesn’t last forever, because I’m not done here just yet. I’m not ready to throw in the towel on six years. But it might be a little bit before things go back to normal around here for me. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for caring about them, and about me. I love you guys endlessly ♡

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iliketowrite1996 · 6 years

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His Nightmare (or his Queen) part 3/3

TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES- Heartache, manipulation, infidelity, revenge, sexual themes implied but never ever graphic.

Erik Stevens knows when he has met his match. It has only happened three times in his life, and he remembers each one of them clear as day.

The first time was when he pushed Maria Morales off of the swings in the third grade. She got up, dusted off her skirt, threw her pigtail braids over her shoulder and proceeded to hit Erik and kick dirt at him until he apologized. She gave him a nod then went right back to swinging until recess was older.

The second time was when he decided he was going to run his high school’s science classes. He was always the top student in his classes until Nancy Wilson came along. He remembers he actually had to out in effort to beat her out for the top of the class. He ended up being valedictorian and she salutatorian, but only by a small amount.

And then, there was the day he realized that you can treat him just like he’s treated every girl before and including you.

You can be a player. And, even though it hurts to admit, you do it better than him.

He’d seen the picture that one of his friend sent him of you and that Steve Rogers guy on a date. He’s felt that chill that ran down his spine as he realizes, crap, he’s actually losing you. He’s tasted the bitterness of karma, the revenge of what he’s done to every girl before you. He’s smelled the foulness of his mistakes, the error of his ways that he’s not completely sure are behind him.

His senses are all coming alive right now, just like they did the first time that he met you. Instead, this time, they aren’t screaming at him to talk to you. They’re placing three words on repeat: ’You messed up. You messed Up. You. Messed. Up.’’

Deep down inside, Erik knows it. It took him a week to accept it, and another week to decide to do something about it.

So he organizes a dinner, right? It’s at that fancy restaurant all the way across town. You’re wearing that black dress he loves so much, the little black dress that has his eyes tracing every inch of you in it. He opens the door and makes sure you’re all set at thee table before even taking his own seat and placing his napkin in his lap.

‘’So how have you been?’’

‘’Tired,’’ you answer the man who’s become more of a roommate than a boyfriend, with how infrequently you’ve been seeing him , ‘’Busy. Steve and I had a pretty tiring date.’’

This is a tactic that he has used on women time and time again- alluding to what he’s talking about, but making it very clear with a smirk on his face.

You’re doing that to him now.

He’s never realized how much he’s hurt those women before, but now he has and he really feels awful.

‘’I see,’’ he clears his throat, ‘’I’ve pretty, uh… busy myself.’’

He hasn’t. But you don't need to know that. See, Erik is no stranger to this game. H e knows how it is played. So the fact that you’re using this game on him?

It hurts.

Deeply.

He’s not sure why he liked to hurt girls so many times I the past. He’s not sure why he got that thrill, that rush of adrenaline when he saw her heartbreaking. He liked knowing that her lip would quiver like he hadn’t just pressed his lips to hers. Erik really liked seeing eyes that had only moments before been looking at him with adoration fill with tears.

He liked knowing that he could hold a girl’s heart in his ands and break it without so much of a second thought. It made him feel powerful. He’d never fall, never give in to the idea of wearing his own heart on his sleeve, of being so vulnerable that someone could break his heart.

Until now.

Now he sees he’s actually going to lose you.

And it shocks him.

Shakes him.

Terrifies him to no end.

He realizes that he has always had the same all pattern with you. One memory in particular stands out in his mind:

He cheats and you’re hurt and you’re crying and you’re demanding respect. So he promises you that he’ll change. Takes your hand in his and falls to his knees and begs you to let him make this right.

Rises to his feet and presses a kiss to your lips with a promise that he’s committed to you and only you.

Until a short skirt and a sly grin catches attention.

And he’s falling…

Falling…

Falling.

Into his old ways.

Into his old patterns.

And in to a bed with a woman he’s never been with before.

Which is why he comes home to find you packing your bags.

Listens to you say how Steve is letting you stay with him for a while and he breaks down.

Begs you to give this one more try.

Cries as tears of anger and frustration fall down your own cheeks.

‘’Boy, you better get your story straight. I’m not waiting all night for you to decide which lie to tell me now, Erik,’’ you spit, hoping that the venom in your words seeps through his bones and shakes him to the core.

‘’Baby, it was one time and it didn’t mean anything.’’

And there he goes again: making it worse by lying to you.

‘’Of course it didn’t,’’ you laugh humorlessly, bitterly, ‘’It never means anything. Does it, Erik.’’

‘’Babe, -‘’

‘’No. Keep that waiver out of your voice. See, Erik, you don’t get to feel bad. I new you were going to do this again yet I decided to actually give you another chance. I’m done, Erik. I don’t know who you think you’re making a fool of, but it wont’ be me. Not anymore. I ain’t playing games with you anymore.’’

Rises to his feet and presses a kiss to your lips . Because, in his mind, his kisses are magical, almost. They can solve any problem or fix any mistake because you’ll forgive him, right?

You think about that now as he lays next to you, chest rising and falling as he sleeps. You relive that night a thousand times, the night where you’d told him you loved him and he halfheartedly returned it..

And it’s not that you don’t love Erik. You do. You’d go so far as to say that you are actually in love with this man, despite the numerous times he’s wounded your heart in the past.

But Erik Udaku assumes that your kisses are free, when they really come with a price that he’s never wanted to pay: commitment.

From the texts that keep coming in about how some girl named Amy can’t wait to see him tomorrow, you realize that his words are pretty but he’s only afraid of losing you because he wants to be the one that gets the last word.

Deep down inside, Erik knows that, too.

He just assumes that the pattern will continue, and you’ll forgive him and he can be faithful for six months before hooking up with the latest girl.

Little does he know you can have him sleeping in that bed alone more often than he’d like. He knows now that he won’t be making a fool of you.

He’s awaken an animal within you. One that is bloodthirsty for revenge, that seeks to salvage the remains of the heart that Erik so carelessly shredded in the teeth known as his infidelity. One that seeks to make Erik pay for every heart he’s ever broken.

You could’ve been his queen.

Erik made his choice, though, and he’s got to live with it.

And it’s not that you don’t love Erik. You do. You’d go so far as to say that you are actually in love with this man, despite the numerous times he’s wounded your heart in the past.

But Erik Udaku assumes that your kisses are free, when they really come with a price that he’s never wanted to pay: commitment.

Little does he know you can have him sleeping in that bed alone more often than he’d like. He kn0ws now that he won’t be making a fool of you.

So you press a kiss to his lips and he gladly returns it. He moves you to the bed. This is his attempt to solve a problem of his own creation. Because a night in bed can fix all of his problems.

You’re not sure how to forgive him for this mistake . You aren’t sure if you ever will. He chose his path, he’s living his dream. The texts and missed calls that occur even long after he’s fallen asleep cause you to cry, even though you know this is who Erik is. That he doesn't know what he wants and so, he takes it out on you.

He knows this.

You know he knows this.

Yet, it’s still a shock to him when he finds you gone in the morning, finds all of your belongings taken away. Sees the empty room as his heart races. His mind scrambles to ut the pieces together, and he realizes one thing :he’s not losing you.

He’s lost you.

You did the same thing that he’s done to so many girls before- promised that you’d work things out and then deserted him in the middle of the night.

He’s met this side of you that he hoped he’d never meet, and the taste of regret stings the back of his throat. He knows you won’t forgive him for his mistake, that he’d better not even try to turn this around and act like it’s on you.

He made his choice.

And you made hers.

Erik thought that falling in love at all would be his worst nightmare. No, he was oh so wrong. This is his worst nightmare- finding the love of his life and actually losing her.

Erik will feel that way the night after falling in bed with you, as soon as T’Challa drops you off,

He’ll expect to wake up to your smiling face. Instead he will come face to face with reality. And he’ll have to hope that you’ll even entertain the thought of taking him back. Because Erik Udaku has messed up and he’s already lost you so why not fight to get you back?

You love him.

You will take him back.

You have to take him back.

Don’t you?

EPILOGUE COMING SOON!

@ashanti-notthesinger @destinio1 @afraiddreamingandloving @starsshines-blog @airis-paris14 @syreanne @chaneajoyyy @90sinspiredgirl @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx @adrioola21 @thiskayesworld @supremethunda

#au erik stevens #erik stevens x reader #erik stevens imagine #marvel imagine #marvel imagine series #marvel imagines #black panther marvel imagine series #imagine series #black panther imagine series #reader insert series #series #reader #reader insert #marvel imagine tumblr series #writing

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dvblins-blog · 5 years

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( poppy drayton, she, female ) HEAR YE, HEAR YE! Allow me to introduce CLÁR Ó’DOMHNAILL of ENGLAND, originally from IRELAND. The 23 year old PERSONAL SERVANT TO THE CROWN is known to be INDOMITABLE and ADVENTUROUS, but rumors about court claim SHE can be SARDONIC and CHALLENGING when crossed. Only time will tell where their interests belong.

hello! it’s summer, i got my hat on backwards, and i have absolutely nothing to do so that’s where i am. if you’d like to plot with this dummie, please dm me! this blog will most likely be in a constant cycle of theme renovation because that’s who i am as a person, but if you wanna make some connections, i promise that they will be way more stable (or not, depends on what you wanna do, idk). here’s some stuff about clár.

• full name: clár saoirse ó’domhnaill ( pronounced: claire ser-sha oh’donnell ) • clár was born in galway but moved down to dublin when she was about four years old due to her father hearing of open positions for work down there on some distinguished merchant ships although his ranking was low. • they lived more near the edge of town and her father made the walk to the docks, clár often tagging along with him --- even moreso after her mother became ill nearly immediately after the move which left her older brother in the house to tend to her since clár was too young and it was a pretty bad sight.

• while in town with her father, she’d either stay near the ships and play near the shore or wanter further into town and play with some of the other kids around the area.

• her father died two years later from an infection brought on by an injury from work. this left herself, her bedridden mother, and her older brother living alone at the edge of town -- taking up whatever work they could get.

• she was twelve and fatherless, but still had her brother who was fierce in his opposition to the english and monarchies in general. this ideology was adopted by clár, but the girl was far less vocal than her brother who would go to secretive meetings with other irishmen in dublin who believed the same... and while she would sneak into very few of these sessions, clár was never active in the group.

• by thirteen, clár was able to take up a few housekeeping/stable/general servant jobs around the city and eventually worked upwards in her clientelle -- growing from working at bars, to middle-class families, and even to the more influential figures of ireland.

• soon enough she was sixteen and working in the household of a nobleman who frequently visited, and recieved visits from higher-ups in england. eventually, clár was one of the few servants who were taken on diplomatic trips to england which was something that caused an insurmountable level of conflict between her and her brother. even if the belief of a democracy was what was ideal to herself, this job supported herself and allowed her brother to stop worrying about supporting both her and their mother who was not able to work (aside from small seamstress work that came about infrequently).

• finally, clár made the permanent move to stay with the irish aristocrat whose trips to england became more common over the years. in england, she would not only assist her master, but also the english who required so.

• in a particularly long trip, clár worked for the english so often than many would think she belonged in their staff if not for her irish accent. the head of servants recognised her and asked a higher up to request the girl from the irish aristocrat to remain in england.

• her irish master didn’t have the option to argue this, and clár’s family was already becoming estranged, particularly after her move, so she did not argue with this proposal.

• at this time, she was eighteen and now residing in england -- starting from the lower servant positions and again working her way up the ranks. at the end of her twenty-first year, clár had been directly working for the royal family -- mainly the king and the queen whom she assisted with dressing, food deliverance, bad making, and the like. this was something her brother would surely murder her for.

• it wasn’t her place to speak candidly to the royal family, and she didn’t, but clár always went to bed with a heavy weight on her moral compass for this position. a saying she’d always her her brother and his friends speak was “is fearr gaeilge briste, ná béarla clíste” -- broken irish is better than clever english. she wondered what he’d think of her if he knew she could speak both -- a kind gesture her previous master had taken to have her speak and understand the king’s tongue.

• now twenty-three, clár continues her work for the family. at very random times, and to staff only, clár may sometimes accidentally say something that may point to her alignment, but the girl managed to keep it a secret for the most part.

other

• clár is still young and is strong-willed in most she does. however, some who try to order with a harsh tone her who are not part of the royal family may see a glimpse of how challenging and sarcastic she can get.

• playfulness is part of her nature, and so is a drink every now and again. she enjoys watching artists paint or draw or sculpt, and has been eyeing a harpsichord in one of the parlours for a while as it looks so nice to touch.

• she spend a majority of her life outside, and is still not completely satisfied with being inside so often although it is a castle she resides in now. however, clár does miss the fields and the water as well as the fog rolling over vast greenery. italy was nice and sunny, but it was no ireland.

• she obviously can’t blatantly oppose her superiors, but she will be a bit of a tease, or slightly challenging under the guise of playfulness to dilute her words and get her out of trouble.

• clár has a pretty heavy accent although she is able to speak english.

• thinks the russians have the scariest voices but would never straight up say it to their faces.

• not scottish and will fight if someone thinks that

• will dunk on u

if you’d like to plot, again, just hmu!!! i’ll probably post a wanted connections post later on, but i’m open for anything.

#↼ ❝ Aɴ ᴛé ɴᴀᴄʜ ʙʜғᴜɪʟ ʟáɪᴅɪʀ ɴí ғᴏʟáɪʀ ᴅó ʙʜᴇɪᴛʜ ɢʟɪᴄ ❞ | { ᴍᴜsᴇ } ⇀#gphq.intro #kids are legit screaming outside my window rn like they're getting slaughtered #death tw #this is long af idk how this happened

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sunshineweb · 4 years

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20 Lessons on Starting Up

This is not a post on investing or human behaviour.

It’s on starting up, which has helped me become a better behaved investor.

I recently shared on Twitter a few lessons on starting up from my personal experience of the last ten years. Here is a slightly detailed version of the same –

When you start up, say yes to everything that comes your way. Opening your doors means the world will come to you. Over time, you will get to choose which door you enter, so you then need to learn to say no. When I started in 2011 as a content writer, I said yes to writing stuff that I did not like and that paid peanuts. But that helped me run my house partly, while I was building something I could be proud of (Safal Niveshak). Over time, I learned to say no to a lot of things that could have helped me earned more money but would have led me to the slippery slope of unhappiness.

Try as much NOT to have a Plan B that you can go to if Plan A fails. With no Plan B to fall back upon, I had just one path to walk upon, and I am still walking on that very path. All you need to not have a Plan B is a Plan A that you believe in completely. It’s like your backbone. You’re willing to fight for it.

Sometimes you might have a solution that people want, but you need to stick it out long enough so that people come to trust you. So, once you have taken the plunge, DO NOT give up. Things get scary at times but persist for the time you’ve pre-decided upon. And it should not be a few weeks or months. I gave myself two years’ time to see the fruits of my work show up. Good things take time. But if you keep working on things that you believe in, and what many people will pay you for, keep at it. It took me more than 15 months to move up from the bottom of the curve, but it was worth the wait.

Even when you have decided to persist, set a timeline to accept that things may not work out the way you expected. Try multiple ideas, and learn from what did not work for you and what did. Kill what doesn’t work, and get better at what does. Writing for others didn’t keep me happy for long. Writing for myself did. And that’s what I worked on, and on, and on.

Start small. People try to build their new business into a massive launch, but this is a mistake. Start as small as possible, giving a minimum viable product to a few friends, and let them test it out. Better, take a leaf out of Seth Godin’s book, The Purple Cow, and build a ‘minimum remarkable product’. I started very small in 2011, with just one idea, a blog, and have remained small ever since. To my distracted mind, that gives the ability to focus hard on what matters. Being small hasn’t just been a stepping stone for me, it’s been my journey, my destination, everything.

You would be more than lucky to execute on just one simple idea or revenue stream, let alone three or four. So, focus on just one idea to start, and give your heart and soul to it. Like Charlie Munger said, “Take a simple idea and take it seriously.”

Experiment as much as you want, just ensure that none of the experiments must burn you out or kill you financially. No one knows you at the start, so experimenting and then failing should not worry you anyways. Despite no steady revenue stream, and uncertainty about the future, my first revenue generating model of conducting workshops was open-priced. People could pay anything, whatever they wanted to pay after the workshop. Some paid nothing, some paid next to nothing, but thanks to a few kind souls, I always covered my expenses and kept some tiny amount back. I did that for almost two years, and that’s the most memorable model I’ve worked upon since then.

Aim to be truly loved by a few you serve than be liked by thousands. True love is rare, so even if you can find just people 100 people who love your work so they will talk about it with their friends, you’ve hit the ball out of the park. This is also what I learned from my father. He always said that the best life one could live was not one in which a person did big, great things that influenced the lives of millions, but one in which you made a difference in the part of the world you touched, no matter how small. He said that a life in which you helped only one person because that was the only opportunity you had to help someone else was just as great a life as that of someone who changed the lives of millions. Safal Niveshak had very few readers by the end of six months, the first of them being my father. But I wrote almost daily. And he loved what I wrote. And so I tried to write more and better for him, and he became that person whom I had in my mind whenever I sat down to write my posts. He’s no more, but that’s the plan I still follow.

Don’t spend on SEO or social media marketing. These are bottomless money pits, and don’t add any value for your customers. Let your work – your blog, product, service – speak for you and bring in people. I’ve done basic SEO work on my site, and on my own, and that has worked well so far for 10 years. By the way, as I type this, there are 1,774,777,646 websites online right now in the world, many vying for the same audience. That’s the competition and everyone wants to be ranked #1. No SEO can take you there. Only your work can. Like if you search for “value investing course”, Safal Niveshak is the first non-advertised website on Google. For “value investing”, Safal Niveshak is on page one. All this without spending a single rupee on SEO or online marketing over the past ten years. By the way, these ranks mean nothing to me, but I just shared to show why your work matters more than any marketing.

While you don’t need to spend money on marketing, you must still learn to sell, that is to positively convince, influence, inspire people to buy what you are building. If you can build but cannot sell, you won’t get much done. Your work should be your best salesperson. All I have done over the past 10 years is work (write). No advertising, no networking, nothing. Just plain simple work. And it seems to have paid fine. By the way, one of the best ways to sell well is to write well, clearly and simply…as if you’re talking to your friend. Clear writing also helps in clarifying the thought process. So, learn to write.

Do your best work, and forget about numbers, especially targets like page views, subscribers, revenues, etc. Those are meaningless, especially when you are starting out. Instead, worry about how much you’re helping people. You can’t put numbers on those things. All I have tried to do all these years at Safal Niveshak is create an abundance of confidence by giving away a large amount of value for free so people trust me in return. And, in my work, there is nothing more precious to me that that trust. I hold as tight to it as I do to my integrity and reputation.

Get ready to be alone and lose friends. While family and close friends will always be supportive, most others may not understand the work it takes to build something from scratch. I lived such a life after starting up. Looking back, I do not regret any moment of it.

Practice lean living at least a year before you start out. Instant compromises are heart breaking! Save money to use as initial capital, and keep expenses low. Bootstrap as much as possible. Don’t borrow money till you aren’t generating cash. Try not to borrow at all. Spending other people’s money may sound great, but there’s a noose attached. You give up control. When you turn to outsiders for funding, you have to answer to them too. That’s fine at first, when everyone agrees. But what happens down the road? Well, often, it’s not a happy question to answer. Also, not having enough money of your own is a way of not having a Plan B, because that will lead you to work harder on building something so great that people will pay for it in advance, that they’ll eagerly sign up to use what you’re making.

If you believe in your work and the ways of doing it, ignore the critics, keep your head down, and quietly do your work. People ready to pull you down are everywhere. Remember Theodore Roosevelt’s famous ‘The Man in the Arena’ talk wherein he said – “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” This talk has been one of my saviors all these years.

Don’t believe people who tell you – “How I started up on my own, doubled my income and cut my hours in half”…or something like this. They will not help you if you reach a point of no return. Learn from others, but believe in just yourself and your work.

Build your work around the life you want to have. Avoid being a workaholic and make time for family, leisure, and self-care. Don’t forgo sleep. It’s easy to get caught up in the challenges of starting up. But it’s also easy to fall into the habit of making it your only priority.

Celebrate little wins. I clapped for myself every time someone subscribed to my free newsletter in those early days. And mostly one person subscribed on most days. Initially, the wins are slow and infrequent. But celebrating in your own little ways will keep you charged up.

Never compromise on what you set out to do, and the way you set out to do it. Never walk the path that may lead you to regrets. Hold tight on integrity. Avoid short cuts. Say no to what would not let you sleep peacefully at night, even if that seems lucrative financially.

Learn to be okay with NOT knowing. You will not know what will happen with your business. World is changing. Your business will change. You will change. You don’t know anything, really, and that’s fine. Just keep working on what keeps you happy when you wake up everyday.

Enjoy the journey, with all its speed breakers and potholes. Avoid getting caught up in the black and white of success and failure. Don’t forget to enjoy what you are doing. Forget about success and failure. They are just two imposters. Stay the course. Enjoy the scenery.

That’s all I have to share as of now.

Mark Twain is quoted as saying – “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

If you have been waiting to start out for long, know that there will never be a perfect time to do anything. Do something and stick to it. And yes, you don’t have to quit your day job to start something, just as you don’t have to drop out of college to do so. You have weekends and evenings and all that time you’re online.

A Few Resources on Starting Up:

Seth Godin’s Blog

How to Get Rich: Naval Ravikant

Paul Graham’s Essays

Rework by Jason Fried

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries

Zero to One by Peter Thiel

The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau

Business Model Generation by Alexander Osterwalder

Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

The Hard Thing about Hard Thing by Ben Horowitz

Talk to business owners who have survived 10+ years

* * * That’s about it from me for today.

If you liked this post, please share with others on WhatsApp, Twitter, LinkedIn, or just email them the link to this post.

Stay safe.

With respect, — Vishal

The post 20 Lessons on Starting Up appeared first on Safal Niveshak.

20 Lessons on Starting Up published first on https://mbploans.tumblr.com/

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amourete-blog1 · 7 years

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(( everything’s gone to hell, sup with you? log starts online and goes ftf shortly after. consistent formatting is fake so we hopped around a couple times - sorry :’33

tagging: @vvicissitudo @9hosis @brackishbarracuda @changinaspirations

begin log:

amourete Do you know anything about what's going on?

vvicissitudo first, yes, and second, hi felide drags hands dowwn my fuckin face

amourete Big fucking mood.

vvicissitudo you don't evven fuckin knoww but you're about to all that shit is interconnected

amourete That's. That's really... REALLY bad. Please tell me it's not what I'm thinking.

vvicissitudo so lets see if i can summarize this real good wwhat are you thinking

amourete :')) Well, Cho's apparently lost a fucking LIMB according to what I got out of Lucy, and Meenah is completely missing

vvicissitudo yeah shes uh in hidin

amourete What????

vvicissitudo theres a feww reasons im theorizin but as wwhatevver the fuck is happening wwith sal gets revvealled i'm pretty sure it ain't much of an issue if he's THAT bad you ain't expect cho to get an arm lopped off an just have Sal sittin idly by yeah but uh wwe're gettin ahead of ourselvves so you said meenah wwas supposed to showw up, right an she didn't

amourete Yes.

vvicissitudo its because wwe got a message early yesterday mornin from chosis wwho was sittin our youngest kid, auraya an i guess there wwas an accident of some kind that uh ended up in our kid bein burned bad by chosis or one of sals kids or sal or somethin, it gets a little blurry at that point an i ain't too sure the details but the point is that meenah wwent ovver there yesterday morn an came back covvered in yelloww and olivve an wwith herself wwounded also an im sure she thought sally wwas gonna bloww a fuckin fuse ovver it so she aint uh here i mean, lookin at sally's blog i aint so sure he didn't bloww one anywway only in a uh, more literal sense but that aint here nor there any questions so far

amourete None.

vvicissitudo i wwant to go ovver and help but considerin he sent vvis awway i'm pretty sure he'd lay into me just for tryin he and i aren't on the best terms but i still aint wwantin... this i mean... my moirail maimed his moirail, wwould you wwant me comin ovver to try to help i'm at a fuckin loss an i ain't knowwin wwhat to fuckin do just sit here on the steps i guess, wwaitin to see if sal does come either to ask an apology or return the favvor or... wwhatevver

vvicissitudo i reiterate; drags hands dowwn my fuckin face i just wwant to bang my head into a wwall a feww times are uh you okay i mean obvviously not but yeah

amourete I'm managing. Worried, but... Managing. Are *you* okay?

vvicissitudo i havve no fuckin clue i havvent slept i havvent eaten meenah aint here vvis aint here the kids aint here its just me in this big hivve wwith my big gun

amourete I can stand guard with you. Maybe give you a chance to rest? Even if you don't sleep.

vvicissitudo yeah alright wwhat about you though and your uh empress situation heard anythin or, do you havve to be there to guard still or no

amourete It's hard for me to leave Lil, but Xanthe's here now, and so is Porrim. I can stand watch with you for a while. :33

vvicissitudo alright then. porters wwide open if you got the coords

amourete I do. Give me a few minutes and I'll be there.

vvicissitudo sure thing.

--- Face-To-Face below this line ---

amourete > Pop! Or maybe it's more of a zap? You're here, and in your hand you have a little knapsack you brought of, indeterminate nature. > Clams said he would be on the steps. You seek him out.

vvicissitudo > Right away, immediately, you're there. Dressed in your full regalia, leather armor, neck guard, full blown cape and arm guards and... There's not really much of your skin that isn't protected. You've got a gun half as big as you propped up on your shoulder- Ahabs. It looks dusty.

You jump when she arrives, but you have training, and your trigger finger isn't on the trigger itself. When you see its her, you lower the weapon and put your head in your hands. With your hair braided and tied up to the top of your head, you look 110% done and tensed for a war.

amourete > Oh. That hurts.

You've never seen a royal violet in battle garb before: in your day, your band of misfits never warranted that kind of force, probably out of pride. But seeing him now, knowing why he's dressed the way he is... He doesn't deserve this.

"Hey." You offer a soft smile, with a hint of sympathy, and lift the knapsack. "Brought some snacks. I know you may not be interested, but if you plan to be here for a while, you'll need to keep up your strength. Couldn't get fish though - too expensive."

For an olive, anyway. You did try.

You make your way up the first couple steps to sit with him.

vvicissitudo Your nose detects food, and you lift your head, watching her. She has the softest, smallest smile on her face. You give her one in return, and set the gun down.

"Before you leave, I want you to go... down to the sixth lower floor. Take anything you want. Something big, something small. As a token of my well appreciated gratitude." Your voice sounds so tired. Before it would be soft and sonorous, pretty and smooth to hear, and now you just sounded like you've been marathon singing.

amourete He'd probably be a great singer, if he had been singing.

"Sixth lower floor?" You laugh, which sounds more like the snicker of a cartoon fox. "What's there? I've yet to see much of this place at all, I have no idea how you keep track of it all."

You lay out the fabric, and in it are a couple different camping snacks: jerky you made, from one of your infrequent hunts; dried fruits; some biscuits. It's not anything fancy, but it's a little better than you had for your watches at home. The fruit is certainly an improvement.

vvicissitudo You... Oops. OOOPS!! You're welling up with tears, suddenly sniffling and wiping your nose. The gesture is so... It's so small, but it's so... Ahh...

You wipe your face and smile through your few tears and kind of... cry-laugh a few times, sniffling. "I... I changed my mind, take anything you like, clean it out if you want, fuck, I..."

You take the jerky with a trembling hand, and stick it in your mouth to shut you up.

amourete At first you're scared you said something wrong. For a moment, the humorous and terrifying idea that you've somehow insulted his opulent home finds a place in your thoughts. Is that why he's crying? But this isn't the case: context saves you from fearing a social gaff, and you settle in just to sit, and unfold one of your captcha cards.

"I still don't know what you're talking about," you point out with gentleness, "but we can deal with it later. Not now."

The green card, folded into the shape of a paper cat, comes apart under deft fingers, and as soon as the form of a proper captcha card is visible, it launches a tissue box up in the air. You have to jump up to retrieve it before it falls on him.

You offer it out as you sit again. "I'll be here for a while. It's hard to stand watch alone, and right now, there's nowhere I would rather be."

vvicissitudo > Clearing your throat, you watch with soft, quiet amusement as she unfolds the card, until a tissue box is launched upwards- You jump, startled, and she catches it and offers it.

> You take some of the tissue, and wipe your face, crumpling the ball up and placing it in a pocket somewhere. "... Y-yeah. It is... I uh... Also... You asked how I keep track of the floors, here, yeah?" You look to the floor, tapping the immaculate, perfect flooring. "I uh... Built most of it myself. Everything below us I carved out and built up, and everything above us was originally mostly gutted. Meenah and I.. We've turned this place into our home. It feels... Wrong, that it's... threatened..."

amourete You let the box rest on a step, for when he needs it next. You're pretty sure he will. Hell, *you* might by the end of this, if you're not careful.

"It's hard, but it's not permanent. Meenah has endured hard things. So have you. We just have to hold onto our hope. It's hard, at times, yes - but no one said you had to do it alone."

vvicissitudo > You look to her, and you sniffle again. A violet droplet hangs off your nose, and you attempt to smile. "Y-yeah. I got you, after all... uh... Can I ask... Can I ask a question? Why... Why is this the only place you'd rather be...? Do you want to.. wait for her, when she gets back?"

amourete You almost answer, and then something ghosts across your face that stops you. You close your mouth and look down, one hand reaching for the key that hangs around your neck.

"I've always waited," you say softly. "It's been my life, and it was every one of my deaths, first of mind, then of body. I know how to wait and endure, and the thing I learned most of all is how hard it is to do alone."

You try for a smile, looking back up to him. "So yes, maybe I'll wait for her, but my first thought was 'I can't just leave him there.'"

vvicissitudo > Nope, no, nope, god, you're gonna cry again

> Only this time you lean over and you wrap your arms around her, and you wordlessly cry. You're a big blubbering mess- Meenahs gone, the kids have been gone for weeks, everyones been in danger, you've lost weight and you've just. You've been stressed and tensed and she's here, someone else is here to fill the silence, to keep you company through however long it takes Meenah to return.

amourete Yeah, okay, you should have expected that. You didn't. Sucks to suck!

You wrap your arms loosely around him, bowing your head and holding him as long as he needs. You don't cry, but your silent reverence speaks volumes on its own: every moment you're here is a prayer for Meenah's safety and Cho's recovery.

vvicissitudo > After two or three minutes of tight hugging, you move back from her, and use the tissues again, sitting in silence for a few more minutes. "... you wait here," You eventually say, softly. "I'll be right back." You put a now-steadied hand on her head and stand, metal clinking from some of your armor.

amourete That's probably the funniest thing you've seen all day. You hold your tongue for now, suppressing your giggles, and nod, sitting up straight and attentive. You can pretend to be well-behaved, really!

vvicissitudo > You're headed upstairs quickly, and downstairs just as quickly, holding steaming plates of meat on one arm, a loaf of bread in that hand, your other arm bundled around a couple of condiments (Pickles, mustard, etc). A knife clatters to the floor as it drops, and you sit down just as quick as you'd stood up.

"... I know you brought stuff, but I wanted to offer stuff to you as well."

amourete Stair picnic! You beam. "That's okay! I'm just glad you're eating something." That's the hardest part. You've been dealing with Lil eating scarcely for the past week, so it's an evil you know.

vvicissitudo > It's very hard for you to eat when you're stressed. You're sure meenah complains about it enough to others for them to know you don't eat enough- and if she doesn't, the lithe build of your frame shows off that you've lost a little weight in the past month or so- your skin sags where it shouldn't, not that Felide can tell too much without looking, you're covered much too well.

> You begin making sandwiches, being generous with the meat. "... Yeah? I mean... I guess. I ain't rememberin when i rightly ate last... what about you?"

amourete "I keep to a routine." You shrug, relaxing and laying your chin on your hands. "Habit is stronger than impulse. It's important that I keep my strength up - I have a family to provide for, and I can't allow myself to miss work or be careless. Simple as that, really."

vvicissitudo You nod, listening. You hand her a sandwich, and look to the door, fins flicking. "... You think it'll be okay?" You mumble, softly. "what if I'm just overreacting..."

amourete You thank him for the sandwich, taking it and taking a little bite first. Once you've swallowed it, then you answer: "Your partner is missing in action, and your other partner lost a limb. No, you're not overreacting. Trust me."

vvicissitudo > You blink, taken slightly aback. "Cho ain't my partner, he's my brothers. Cho an I aren't... THAT close... ... Have you talked to vis, though, speakin of... He's missin. Just... flatout gone. No words from anyone. I don't..."

You put your head in your hands again. "I don't know where he is. The connection we share says he's cold, and it's too... sharp, wherever he is."

amourete You look confused, but you let it go: It's probably Cho jumping the gun again. You don't think they'd lie, they're just a little eager, that's all.

"No, I don't know. Vici does though. He mentioned seeing Vis yesterday, but I didn't think much of it. I didn't know he was involved. I don't know about today though - I can ask?"

vvicissitudo You try to chuckle, it comes out dry. "Cho and I are good friends, but we're not... lovers, like Vis or Sally. I wwouldn't call us partners in that sense, no... but you said Vici knows?" You look to your sandwich, taking a few bites. "... Vis lives with Chosis," You say softly. "I bet he saw the whole thing."

amourete Oh you hope that's not so.

"Vici mentioned him the other day online. It could be worth asking, at least... I'm not sure otherwise. That's the only lead I have."

vvicissitudo You look down further, to your feet, your nice boots, your palmhusk laying on the floor. You've barely touched it today. There were other messages... You didn't know the handle of one, you didn't touch it. You should check those.

You sigh, and yawn a bit. "... Yeah, alright. You ask, I guess. I hope it'd be somewhat beneficial..."

amourete You give him a Look. "If you take a nap, I will. You need your rest. I'll wake you if something happens, or if we get more news - promise."

vvicissitudo > You blink your eyes tiredly to that Look, which certainly is like the ones Meenah can give you sometimes. "Don't you..." Yawn. "Don't you dare blackmail me, you... You heckin nerd." You tease, and lean back on the steps, shifting over to the side of the stairs. "I ain't movin from the stairs, though..."

amourete You unclip the day cape you wore over to the hive, simple and warm, and fold it up, placing it under where his head would fall.

"I won't make you move," you promise. "Get some good rest, okay? I'll be here."

vvicissitudo > You wrap your own around your shoulders some more, getting nice and comfortable. "... Yeah, alright. You eat that sandwich." You chuckle tiredly, and close your eyes.

> It... It takes you a while, to fall asleep. Each small noise, each small breath, wakes you and rouses you from half sleep, but eventually, you do so.

#ooc post #/#//#///#////#vvicissitudo #food ment /#grief ment /#log archives #plot: justified #amputation ment /#disordered eating /#self destructive /#child harm /#the kid's ok just hurt #it's only mentioned in passing

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bonesandblood-sunandmoon · 5 years

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While I was months back on an aro blog, I ran into a #humor post that sorta helped with why some of this attraction questioning is confusing. I don’t exactly have One Perfect Relationship idea. It’s more like splitting contradictory desires between people? (Some want one person to overlap sections, but all I can say is that I don’t want all of my eggs in one basket with one person.)

Person A: Domestic Partner

Sharing a living space with someone who ideally wants to be there by choice (aka actually likes being around me). Chill doing separate things in silence, watching tv/movies together, cooking and eating with someone is Nice, separate rooms for private decompression is appreciated. More friend than roommate? Unsure if desired emotional connection is more QPP than friend?

Non-sexual physical touch and platonic intimacy in that realm can be optional (includes cuddling and bed sharing for those not comfortable with that).

Person B: Cuddle Buddy

I am absolutely Touch Storved on all of my blogs (not just main).

Kissing can be optional (for those not comfortable with platonic kissing). Tbh, if you just agree to hold my hand, I might cry. Want to do something else as the main activity (watch movie/tv, vent, w/e)? Totally down to negotiate that.

Person C: Kink and/or D/s

Type 1: Non-sexual

This can be surprising for some, but there are types of play and scenes where sex is totally optional, and I would be fine doing that with a friend who was interested. Ex: Attending a public rope workshop where no sex will be involved and no one even has to remove clothes.

Some types of play and instances of power exchange are more about providing the emotional and psychological safety to engage in the activity and taking care of your scene partner than getting into sex (or romance). It’s like affection without the socially overt Romantic associations.

Type 2: Sexual

Due to dysphoria (see below), I have limits around sexual interaction with my body. However, I’m not oblivious to how certain types of play and power exchange are sexual for some people, and focusing on someone else’s sexual experience can be easier. Sometimes, alloromantic stuff is interwoven into commonly found scripts for dynamics, but I don’t think it’s necessary providing we’re on the same page about what’s ‘too romantic’ (f’ex, I use “I love you” or “love/luv” [endearment] platonically, but not everyone’s comfortable with that).

Person D: Maybe Sex?

The idea of a friends-with-benefits relationship sounds appealing: 1) Knowing I’m considered a person first and not just someone’s experimental Trans Hookup, 2) Someone who has already had the basic “I’m nonbinary, my pronouns are ___” convo, which makes “this is how to respectfully talk about and interact with my body w/out misgendering me” easier, 3) Already know I’m queer (a Straight will not “fix” me), 4) Sometimes being a safe distraction or showing affection with casual sex actually doesn’t seem like a bad idea.

While I’ve gone more into this in other posts (across blogs), the biggest personal factor around the question mark on this is that I can’t guarantee the gender dysphoria around my body and sexual interaction will cooperate with this area. (I’m not totally immune to sexual attraction, but critical mass on the dysphoria levels can shut that down, so it can be ‘infrequent’ or ‘weak’.)

Person E: QPP?

I don’t mind doing conventionally romantic things with friends? Eating food together, gift giving, buying them flowers, etc. But I don’t want to risk our friendship, and I don’t want it to be, like, dating. I like telling my friends that I love them, using ‘love/luv’ as a platonic endearment, sending cheesy Valentine’s Day puns, and being a source of encouragement and affection. But I’m not exactly comfortable being their exclusive [monogamous] Romantic Partner? (With all of the expectations around Dating - kiss on this date, finally having sex, moving in, meeting the parents, either breaking up or committing to marriage, etc.)

I’m just not quite sure this is describing a QP relationship? Is it soft romo? Is this actually what romantic attraction is like? I miss being able to make/give friendship bracelets when I was younger, and making origami flowers as gifts, and it’s hella lonely doing Adult things alone all the time.

#personal

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virtualfaceengineer · 6 years

Text

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Can advertisements be tailor made-streamed to somebody Hearing the station, brought on by foursquare e book-in or twitter update? I feel it's coming. Is radio promoting still pertinent in the slightest degree? Listeners to on-line radio stations are deciding upon advert-totally free compensated-for subscriptions. It truly is clear that promoting is irrelevant to them. It can be interesting that a medium commercially optimized to deliver advertising and marketing messages to potential customers has become shunning this product in its on-line reincarnation. The craze is clear - folks are demanding written content that is certain to them as well as their certain Bodily circumstance at a certain instant. The challenge is for radio to translate this and stay suitable. 7. Local community: Group is huge on-line. Persons are grouping into networks where by they get direct entry to what pursuits them and hang around with folks they like. They Get pleasure from their Affiliation with one another. For several years the radio marketplace was smug about its put in the living Area of listeners. It survived the big Tv set onslaught and arrived out more robust. It could promote 15 minutes marketing for the hour and folks would just sit by way of it, as they someway "zoned" out and in to whatever they needed to hear. Not anymore. On the internet advertisement avoidance has spilled over to other mediums. Consumers are having it Individually. Lumping radio advertising to the identical class as spam and direct mail and pop-up banners. Advertising and marketing is on its solution to becoming an invasion of privateness. Until you inquire folks their PERMISSION to tell them stuff about your self. Persons Hearing a radio station are Section of a Local community. But a number of people while in the Local community will not be enjoying by The foundations. They shout, disrespect, boast and customarily enable it to be Bizarre for everybody else. Each time a station, its consumers along with the listeners variety a Group, The principles implement to All people: Be sincere; Be human; Be respectful; Give greater than you are taking. Stations must audio trustworthy, plausible, such as the industry experts they claim to get. They should give compelling Advantages for becoming a member of their club. They have to be human and stumble upon as approachable. radio garden Digital Technology Ads tips DIY guide Travel guide Blog Guide

#radio world #world radio stations #am fm radio free

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danialworks · 6 years

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Apropos Whatever - 1

I used to think a blog would be a really good idea. Get some lost writing skills back, connect somewhat facelessly with, well, somewhat of the rest of the world. It’s a big place, the world. But words in a blog-- they can go anywhere, be read by anyone. Most of what I have to talk about is media based, peppered with my sociological commentary, and a bit of snarkiness about politics and world events. My snarkiness, and my sociological commentary. Me. Mine. I don’t say that because I think I’m wrong. I say it because I don’t want anybody to feel subliminally bullied by what I have to say. By what I feel about fiction and modern events. You know. Stuff. Whatever. Everything.

What I feel most online, though, these days, is that I’m the only one.

The obvious bullies are everywhere. So are the subliminal ones-- such are even more widespread, if you ask me. Many, if not most, don’t think/know they are bullying. It’s hard to define, but let’s try this. Absolutism to counter absolutism is not education.

I don’t like the internet so much these days. I’m not the most social creature in the world in the first place.

Here I am, anyway.

I could talk about the new series of Doctor Who, or let you know if I think the first episode of Titans is too violent; maybe tell you about the cozy I just finished reading, or what Wheel of Time Book I’m on. I could go for a couple of pages about DC Comics’ Heroes In Crisis. Unhappy pages.

Maybe I will.

But nope, not this time.

This time is about a sense of identity.

You see, I’ve joked for most of my life that I’m the world’s worst bisexual. I bond more easily with women, no matter what the relationship. That last sentence isn’t part of the joke. It’s my truth. It’s just me. And I’ll be me, thanks. And, in this life, I’ve had lots of people tell me that’s not bisexual. Well, the ones who think of themselves as straight often think that it still makes me bi, and some of the others who use the word straight think my slight wavering towards the male of the species must have some deep emotional trauma deep in this boy’s psyche. We’ll get back to trauma in a paragraph or ten. But often enough, those who do not think of themselves as straight think I remain a little too straight to be bisexual. There are lots of phrases for my condition. Please feel free to offer up your favorites in the comments below, anyone who happens to find themselves reading this, wherever you are in the world. And of course, there are loads of LGBT who are fine with me being bisexual. But the one who got me thinking is the young lady who said she doesn’t think I’m bisexual, but I’m obviously still queer.

That one caught me off my guard. I’ve never used the word queer in my life.

It sounds like a label.

Okay. It sounds like a label to me, and for me, it is one. Millions, I’m told, do not agree. Some even build a sense of freedom of identity in the word, and that makes it a good and wonderous thing.

Bisexual is just an infrequently used descriptive.

It’s my sense of identity. I don’t hide it, and I don't flaunt it.

But not so long ago, I found a way to prove it-- more or less without the help of science. There was this party. Not a phrase I’ll often use, because I only go to parties to make special someone’s happy-- other wise I’m the guy in the corner sighing heavily and wishing I was home watching Doctor Who. It was a large party, filled with strangers of all backgrounds and orientations. The idea was simple. Look and be looked at-- fully clothed, mind you. Make connections. Meet cute if you wanted, one night stand if you wanted-- as long as you kept it going after the party. Mill, meet, greet who you liked, and move on to mill again. Eventually, of course, it just kind of turned into an over-sized party-- what did anybody expect? So... I went to the party, and I followed the rules-- of the party. I just didn’t follow my rules. Beauty is a subjective thing. But what if, for one big gathering only, I objectified freely-- you know-- like a straight guy. Would I still like the womenfolk over the menfolk if I briefly psyched myself into only seeing the sexy? The objectively pretty or handsome face? I bet supper with a pal the female of the species would still win-- but the margin would narrow quite noticeably. The bosomy would win over the pectoral. Yea. Not so much. I lost the bet. Those who got close enough to start a connection ran fifty-fifty. Women may hold the title subjectively-- but not entirely-- but in a large space where objectification is part of the point-- in all directions, if you wanted to be objective, or even subjective, you had to be willing to be objectified and subjectified, too-- I really do go both ways.

The word is biSEXUAL. And if I were a more sexual creature, it would fit me like your best pair of jeans. But I’m not, and I’m perfectly fine wearing the word like a warm sweater a size too big, but comfy as can be.

My sexual identity belongs only to me.

Oh. That’s right. I promised trauma.

How to pick, how to pick.

Oh, let’s throw the man card away-- right at the start.

I don’t need anyone’s sense of an imaginary license to know I am the male of my kind.

Anyway, when I was, oh, say 13, I was deathly ill with a flu-like something, and the parentals went out for the evening-- a somewhat rare occurrence, really. Only months before, we had moved from a small town to the not so big city, and they still had this problem remembering to lock the front door. And you see, there was this gang of older teenagers, stoned out of their minds on something. Now, your minds are filling in the blanks, and you’re going to be wrong. You’re assuming teenage boys, or at the very least a mixed group. No. These were female. Somehow, word had gotten around that I had gotten into trouble with Mom on a weekend vacay for spending an afternoon with an older girl of some mild fame getting myself... educated, and that I had been sharing this education with some of the girls more my own age. You know, on request. All an... exaggeration. So they came in my house where I was alone, this gang. Hacking, wheezing, heart already palpitating, I had to hide. Some of these... people... got chased back out by the dog. Lots of bark, no bite. All but one gave up when they got bored and couldn’t find me, and maybe they wouldn’t really have known what to do if they did find me-- as far as going through with it goes. Live in hope, right? Oh, but that last one, she was determined. She found me, tripping over my feet as I hid under the bathroom sink. Cramped legs won over the need to not be found. Here’s where it gets tricky. She thinks she did it. Sometimes, the whole thing being as messed up as it is-- it’s easy to believe it. She really did try, but a hacking, shivering child rolled up in a tight, cramping ball has one silver lining-- an armadillo effect. So this rape wasn’t a completed act. Too stoned, enough so that she imagined getting her vile job done, and believed it.

I still like girls better. If you ask me, and if you’ve read this far, you are-- kind of, anyway-- asking me for this next thought: trauma does not usually have a causative effect on sexual orientation. We really are born who we are in this regard.

And, if you are bullyingly-- wow no spellcheck on that one-- conservative of religion and/or politics-- you likely don’t think that was sexual assault or attempted rape of any kind. Cuz Imma boy.

ALL SEXUAL ASSAULT IS ASSAULT.

No matter skin color, religion, orientation, country of birth-- oh yea. Gender.

Assault is assault.

It can’t be understood as anything else.

#orientation writing bisexual born this way

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kellykperez · 7 years

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How to use Google Trends for SEO

Google Trends, first launched in 2006, provides marketers with invaluable insights into how people search on the world’s most popular search engine.

In its earlier guises, Trends (or Insights for Search, as it was previously known) was a rather static resource, updated only on an infrequent basis with fresh data.

Over time, the power of this service has been tapped in new and enlightening ways.

For example, a study undertaken using Trends data by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz and written up in the New York Times in 2014 found, “Parents are two and a half times more likely to ask “Is my son gifted?” than “Is my daughter gifted?””

Such newsworthy incidents revealed the richness of Google Trends as a data source to the wider public. People’s underlying attitudes, desires, and beliefs start to come to the fore when they communicate with a search engine.

As the megalomaniac founder of a fictional search engine puts it, while discussing the data at his disposal, in the 2015 science-fiction movie Ex Machina:

You see, my competitors, they were fixated on sucking it up and monetizing via shopping and social media. They thought that search engines were a map of what people were thinking. But actually they were a map of how people were thinking.

Both of these examples – one real, one imagined – highlight exactly why Google Trends is so valuable for search marketers.

It is the closest we have to a synthesis of market research and SEO data. With its ability to segment trends by geography, product category, content topic, and date, it allows us to go much broader in our analysis than traditional SEO tools ever could.

With Trends’ recent expansion into News, Shopping, Images, and YouTube, it seems the perfect time to revisit and refresh the many ways in which this powerful tool can help your SEO efforts.

First, some housekeeping

If you are relatively new to Google Trends, there are a couple of things to bear in mind when you look at the data visualizations.

First of all, Google Trends data is adjusted to make visual comparisons between different data sets easier for users. Google offers the following to explain for its methodology:

“Search results are proportionate to the time and location of a query:

Each data point is divided by the total searches of the geography and time range it represents, to compare relative popularity. Otherwise places with the most search volume would always be ranked highest.

The resulting numbers are then scaled on a range of 0 to 100 based on a topic’s proportion to all searches on all topics.

Different regions that show the same number of searches for a term will not always have the same total search volumes.”

In practice, this means that we end up with graphs like the below, showing trended data on a scale from 0 to 100:

Furthermore, a note is applied to all graphs that look back to before 2016, as Google made a significant update to the collection of data at this point. This can cause some unexpected jumps in graphs at the beginning of 2016, but the overall trends still provide a good guide to the historical demand for a topic.

Now, onto the tips.

How you can use Google Trends for SEO

Keyword research

Keyword research seems the most obvious SEO-based use for Trends, but it is often overlooked in favor of Keyword Planner and the other industry-standard tools.

In fact, it serves as the perfect complement to these platforms, bringing to light patterns that they cannot reveal.

Trends will suggest new keywords based on different criteria to those employed in Keyword Planner. For example, it highlights related search queries (using the example of “dogs” again) that have very recently risen in popularity, as we can see in the screenshot below:

Clearly, these will require a sense check before you add them straight to your keyword list. As stated before, we really can learn something about the human condition from Google Trends.

There will also be some outliers (in this case, the Watch Dogs video game), as Google groups together a lot of related sub-topics under the aegis of the main categories.

Nonetheless, these examples do show how frequently this tool can provide unexpected ideas.

It is also reflective of how the readily available nature of fresh data on Trends can add vital, new elements to a keyword list.

This is significant as we move beyond simple keyword matching and into an age of semantic relevance. Building out a keyword list that contains the spectrum of audience demand for your products is no longer a luxury; it is a pre-requisite for performing well.

Moreover, if SEOs can target trending queries before they peak, competition will be lower and potential rewards will be greater.

For those that would like to examine the data outside of the platform, there are numerous R and Python packages that can make calls via the Google Trends API.

This allows users to download queries in order to manipulate and visualize the data. One such package for R, (gtrendsR), is explained in more detail in this handy blog post.

Combined with a versatile plotting package like ggplot2, this approach opens up a new level of functionality to Google Trends data for SEO research.

Compare search trends across Google search engines

The addition of filters for News, Shopping, Images, and YouTube to Google Trends has opened up a wide range of new SEO research opportunities.

These can be accessed from a drop-down menu at the top of the results page.

Image search data in available from 2008 to the present day and it should prove a very valuable source of inspiration for SEOs.

Not only is image search responsible for a huge amount of queries already, but it is also an area of focus for Google as it aims to fend off threats from the likes of Facebook, Amazon, and Pinterest.

Once more, we can segment the data by sub-region or city and there are suggestions for related image search queries too:

It is also possible to compare these search trends across two different queries, due to the manner in which Google processes and displays the data. In the example below, I have set the filter to show the trends for “cats” in the US and for “dogs” in the UK:

We can therefore say that image searches for dogs in the UK are more popular than image searches for cats in the US, in relative terms, even though this would likely not be the case in absolute terms.

On YouTube, the eternal cats versus dogs battle lives up to its fiery reputation, with a much narrower gap between the two search topics:

Trending queries are highlighted here too, which should give us even more reason to keep visiting Google Trends for our research:

Assess and predict seasonal peaks

Perhaps the most common use of Google Trends for SEO is the analysis of peaks and troughs in consumer demand.

To cite a simple, but illustrative, example of how this works, we can look at the search query [olympics]:

We see significant worldwide peaks every four years for the summer Olympics, with the winter equivalent attracting another (if smaller) increase two years later each time.

In this example, history tells us that we are about to see another peak in demand for [olympics] very soon, but that insight alone does not translate into much.

Firstly, we don’t know the size of the opportunity in absolute terms, as Trends provides only relative values.

However, if we cross-reference what we see in Trends with the data we have from Keyword Planner, we can start to understand what a value of 100 on this chart means in real terms.

Admittedly, Keyword Planner data is indicative at best, but we may also have data from AdWords campaigns. This can at least guide us towards a predicted search volume for the upcoming Olympics.

Of course, it seems very intuitive that a major event will lead to more searches for the event’s name. Nonetheless, if we take this same approach and apply it to less predictable industries, such as fashion for example, Trends can help you to identify keywords before the competition does so.

This is supplemented by Trends’ use of real-time data to suggest new topics.