#‘but what if we’re delightfully surprised?’

[pucksandpower]

Couples Therapy

Lando Norris x Reader

Summary: let’s go to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to realize we don’t know each other

You fidget nervously in the waiting room chair, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. This has to be the most ridiculous first date idea ever …but then again, Lando was never one for convention.

The office door swings open and a smiling middle-aged woman in a cardigan beckons you both inside. “Y/N? Lando? I’m Dr. Ramanujan, please come in.”

Lando shoots you a mischievous grin and you can’t help but return it as you follow the therapist into her office. This is already off to a delightfully silly start.

“So,” Dr. Ramanujan settles into her chair, notepad at the ready. “What brings you two in today?”

You open your mouth but Lando beats you to it. “Well doc, it’s like this — Y/N and I have been together for five years now but things have gotten … sticky, you might say.”

You fight back a surprised laugh at his casual lie. Five years? You met this lunatic ten days ago.

Nodding solemnly, you play along. “Yes, unfortunately some issues have arisen that we haven’t been able to resolve on our own.”

“I see,” the therapist jots something down. “And what would you say is the primary issue troubling your relationship?”

Lando strokes his chin in mock contemplation. “You know, now that I think about it, we really struggle with intimacy.”

You splutter, cheeks flushing red. He did not just go there on a first date!

“We’re very passionate people,” he continues effortlessly. “But I think we both have some hang-ups that stop us from really connecting, you know?”

Clearing your throat, you decide to steer into the skid. “Yes, you could say Lando is quite … insatiable in that area.”

Dr. Ramanujan’s eyebrows shoot up but she simply nods. “I see, I see. And how does that make you feel, Y/N?”

“Honestly?” You shrug helplessly. “Exhausted. The man is completely relentless — it’s like he’s an animal sometimes!”

Lando clutches his chest in feigned offense. “An animal? That’s a bit much, don’t you think darling?”

“Don’t you ‘darling’ me,” you snap, pushing aside your amusement at the increasingly absurd situation. “I’m just calling it like I see it. We’re here for honesty, right?”

“Touché,” Lando turns back to the therapist. “Doc, maybe you could help us find … a compromise of sorts? Because my needs are evidently not being met.”

You scoff loudly. “Not being met? Lando, I let you do that thing with the-”

Mercifully, Dr. Ramanujan interjects before you can continue that train of thought. “Perhaps we could steer our discussion in a more productive direction? Intimacy issues often stem from deeper underlying problems within a relationship. Is there anything else concerning you both?”

Lando ponders this for a moment before snapping his fingers. “You know what? I think a big part of it is that Y/N doesn’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust you?” You echo incredulously. “That’s rich coming from you, Mr. I Flirt With My Teammate Constantly!“

His jaw drops perfectly. “You’re bringing Oscar into this? That’s a low blow, babe.”

“I’m not blind!” You shoot back, doing your best to ignore how silly you both must look. “I see how cozy you two get. Tell me there’s nothing there and I’m a fool!”

“Woah, woah!” Lando holds up his hands defensively. “Oscar and I are just good friends and teammates. Nothing more.”

You cross your arms stubbornly. “If you say so.”

An uncomfortable silence falls over the room. Dr. Ramanujan seems perplexed by your crazy banter.

Finally, she clears her throat. “Right. Well, it sounds like there are some potential trust issues at play here that we should unpack-”

“Oh I’ll unpack it for you, doc!” Lando interjects, real passion entering his voice now. “Y/N is massively, astronomically insecure about our relationship. She questions my faithfulness at every turn!”

You swivel to face him fully, eyes wide. “And why, pray tell, would I possibly be insecure about that?”

“I don’t know!” He throws his hands up in exasperation. “I’ve never given you a single real reason to doubt me!”

“Except for all the pet names and inappropriate touching with Oscar!”

“Those are just friendly gestures!”

“Keep telling yourself that, buddy!”

The two of you are practically shouting at each other now, completely absorbed in your make-believe argument. Somewhere in the back of your mind you feel a bit bad for putting the poor therapist through this, but you’re having far too much fun to stop.

Dr. Ramanujan finally cuts in, raising her palms. “Okay! Okay, let’s all just take a breath, shall we?”

You and Lando freeze mid-rant, remembering where you are. He shoots you a conspiratorial wink and you have to bite your lip to suppress a smile.

“Now,” the therapist continues once the tension has diffused slightly. “Clearly there are some deep-seated resentments and triggers being hit here that we need to unravel. But I think a lot of it comes back to the intimacy and trust issues we were discussing earlier. Y/N, would you say you feel emotionally fulfilled by Lando?”

You ponder this for a moment, drawing out the suspense. Lando watches you with bated breath.

Finally, you sigh deeply. “No doc, I can’t say that I do. And maybe that’s why I’ve been so tempted to stray myself ...”

Lando’s jaw drops perfectly again. “You’ve been tempted to cheat? With who?”

Holding his gaze boldly, you declare: “My yoga instructor, actually.”

“Shane?” He looks like you just slapped him. “But he’s so … so bland!”

You shrug nonchalantly. “What can I say? Opposites attract sometimes.”

Dr. Ramanujan looks like she’s watching a tennis match, unable to get a word in edgewise.

Lando points an accusatory finger at you. “This is unbelievable! You had the audacity to blame me for the intimacy issues earlier when all this time you’ve been lusting after another man?”

“I’m a woman of insatiable needs!” You cry, borrowing his phrasing from earlier. “You said it yourself!”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” He turns desperately back to the therapist. “Please doc, you have to help us!”

She blinks owlishly a few times before finding her voice. “I … I’m not sure I can be of much assistance here.”

Lando clutches at his chest dramatically. “No, don’t say that! Our relationship is hanging by a thread as it is.”

“If it’s even still a relationship,” you mumble darkly, inspecting your nails with affected nonchalance.

“You see?” Lando pleads with the doctor. “This is what I’m dealing with every day! The constant barbs and lack of trust! I’m at my wit’s end.”

Dr. Ramanujan’s eyes dart between the two of you, seeming to deflate a little more after each deranged declaration. She sets her notepad aside with a resigned sigh.

“Listen, you two ...” she begins carefully. “While I appreciate you being upfront about your ...” she pauses, clearly searching for the right word, “unique situation, I’m afraid it goes well beyond my abilities as a therapist.”

You simply blink at her innocently while Lando dissolves into feigned hysterics beside you.

“But you have to help us!” He cries, flinging himself backwards dramatically. “Our relationship is the only thing I have left!”

You can’t help but let out a small giggle at his antics, quickly disguising it as a cough when the therapist shoots you a look. Dr. Ramanujan just shakes her head slowly.

“I’m sorry, but I clearly don’t have the tools or expertise to assist with … whatever this is.” She gestures vaguely between the two of you. “My advice would be to seek a different form of counseling. Or perhaps … separate for a while until you both figure out what you want.”

Lando clutches at his chest, feigning heartbreak. “Separate? Doc, you can’t be serious!”

“I’m afraid I am,” Dr. Ramanujan states firmly, rising from her chair. “This session has become … unproductive, to put it mildly. I think we should call it a day.”

You open your mouth to protest staying in character, but the defeated look on the poor therapist’s face gives you pause. With a sidelong glance at Lando, you decide to put her out of her misery.

Rising from your own seat, you loop your arm through Lando’s and favor the bewildered doctor with your most winning smile.

“You’re probably right, doc. We’ll, uh, take some time and really think things over. Thanks for your … insight today.”

Dr. Ramanujan simply nods, seemingly too drained to even reply as she opens the door and gestures you both through.

The second you’re out in the hallway, you can’t contain your laughter anymore. You dissolve into a fit of giggles, doubling over and clutching at Lando’s arm for support. He joins in instantly, that mischievous grin stretched wide across his face.

“Oh my god,” you gasp between peals of laughter. “Did you see her face when I brought Oscar into it?”

“I thought she was going to kick us out then and there!” Lando howls, wiping away a mirthful tear. “The things we put that poor woman through ...”

You finally manage to regain your composure, still grinning madly at the ridiculousness of it all. Leave it to Lando to come up with a first date idea as wonderfully insane as fake couples therapy.

“We should do something normal for our next date,” you quip, shooting him a sly look. “Like go skydiving or swimming with sharks.”

Lando matches your playful tone, draping an arm around your shoulders as you meander away from the office. “Whatever you say, darling. Just promise me you won’t leave me for one of the skydiving instructors, yeah?”

You pull him closer with a laugh. “No promises, babe.”

[lace-coffin]

i feel like sending a rq this sappy kinda harshes the vibe of yr delightfully horny slasher headcanon posts but do you have any headcanons about how bubba’s s/o would fit into the sawyer household? like, how The Brothers might react to her bringing someone home or what day-to-day life on the sawyer homestead with bubba would be like?

Thank you for the rq!! I love writing fluff just as much as I do smut so feel free to send me all ur fluff ideas!

No trigger warnings apply!

Requests are open!

Reader is gender neutral and we’re operating on the basis that nubbins is still alive at the same time choptop is back home bc I love the sawyers

How would reader fit into the sawyer household as bubba’s s/o

You and bubba met one day when bubba offered to come help at the gas station, feeling cooped up in the house and not wanting to be alone. Drayton was more than happy to claim you as a victim as soon as he saw you pull up to the gas pump. This changed after your first interaction with bubba.

She was helping restock some shelves whilst Drayton manned the till. Dressed in a loose white sundress as it was easy to move in and won’t make them overheat whilst working.

You came in to pay, offering a polite greeting to Drayton who was putting on his airs and graces to lull you into a false sense of safety. You decided to get a snack, party because you were hungry and party because the run down station looked like it wasn’t receiving much love nor income.

As you browsed the isles your eyes landed on a figure crouched infront of the shelf. Short Soft brown curls tied with a ribbon laid across freckle spattered shoulders. White linen sundress laid gently against his large frame. Arms strong and thick with a fair amount of dark hair. Oh yeah, you were absolutely getting a snack now.

It turns out the snack isle was where the handsome stranger was working, you were going to talk to her regardless but this was a perfect opportunity. You scan over the different snacks available and take your pick. Coughing to get their attention you make yourself known. “I’m so sorry to bother you whilst you’re working but I just need to grab one of these” you point to the item and reach for it. Bubba being the person he is he decides to be kind and get it for you. You both reach for it and your hands bump. you both jolt back in surprise, pausing for a moment before laughing. The moment is sweet and genuine.

You catch sight of bubba’s gold charm bracelet and motion to it. “Your bracelet is so lovely!! Gold is definitely your colour”. Bubba makes a happy noise at this and flaps their hands in joy. Drayton watches the exchange with a soft smile on his face, his soft spot for his little sibling will always be there.

After this pleasant exchange you make sure to stop by the gas station every time you pass by even if you don’t need anything. Bubba isn’t there all the time, only working there on occasion but you still drop by and make comfortable conversation with Drayton. (You often ask about bubba to)

Eventually after bonding over the span of a few weeks and talking about it with Drayton you work up the courage to ask bubba on a date. Needless to say she’s thrilled and excepts immediately. You end up taking him out to a cute American style diner and the rest is history.

How would bubba’s siblings react to them bringing someone home?

Drayton is the least surprised considering he was basically in on it before you even asked his younger sibling out. He’s the one meeting you at the door before dates and giving you the lecture about driving careful and when to have bubba home. He can’t help it, he’s raised them since they were a kid. He’ll deny being protective with everything in his being if you bring it up though. He’ll be happy to finally have you over, cleaning the house top to bottom, he really likes you and wants this to go well for bubba.

Nubbins would be giddy to meet you, having been hyping bubba up before leaving for the gas station. He’s excited to get to meet the person who has his little sibling smitten. You actually might meet him on the road just before getting to the house. He’ll be scavenging for roadkill when you holler out the car and offer him a ride back to the house. Feel free to ask him a few questions about wooing the rest of his family before you get to the door.

Choptop would tease you and bubba, making her groan in annoyance. You take no offence and laugh with him. Chop will be eager to ask you 1000 questions and show you around the house. He’ll drag you straight to his room to see his record collection. Extra points if your alternative! Doesn’t matter what style, he thinks it’s all cool.

Nubbins and chop will definitely tease the two of you, fake gagging when you’re affectionate with each other in front of them. They might act like it’s gross but they’re actually happy for bubba and like his partner, hoping things go well so they can hang out more.

Grandpa isn’t a man of many words but you get on just fine, the conversations are pretty one sided apart from small smiles you see creep onto his face but he’s nice enough and important to your partner. You always make sure he feels included at dinners and family activities.

Grandma is long gone, but I’m sure she’d like you if she was alive 💀

How does reader fit into the house?

You fit in like a glove! It’s like you’ve known them way longer than you have. Drayton may grumble about having another mouth to feed but he really does enjoy your presence. you bring in your own income which is definitely helpful to repair some faults in the house or farming equipment which is very appreciated. You also help lighten his load with the chores, he’s not as young as he used to be and his joints are proving that. If you see him struggling or it’s a particularly bad day for his back then you’ll offer to take up his share of house chores. You spend evenings in the kitchen together washing up after dinner, listening to the radio together.

Nubbins loves to drag you and bubba out of the house to help look for roadkill, if that’s not your thing then he won’t force you but he’d really love it if you did come, using it as a way to bond. He’ll gift bubba bones and pretty trinkets he finds to make jewellery with. Nubbins has a lot of hair, he loves it when you tie it up for him before he goes out so it keeps out of his face in the Texan heat.

Choptop will spend time with you and bubba listening to his records. It’s always fun when you three chill in chops room covered in tapestry’s and mood lighting, the vibe is comfy and calm and complimented by listening to their favourite radio host/station (hi Stretch and LG!)

You often spend most of your day with bubba after he returns from his morning chores, you have more of a choice in your chores. If your good with animals then you’ll be assigned to helping around the farm and with the care of bubbas pet chicken, bond with your feathery friend enough and they’ll eventually start following you across the farm whilst you work. If you’re better with house work then you’ll be helping do more domestic activities whilst Drayton is running the gas station. Sweeping up, doing laundry and dishes, those kind of things. You also might help bubba tend to grandpa, she really appreciates it because it’s not easy carrying grandpa in his wheelchair down two flights of stairs alone. It also means a lot to them since family is everything and he loves his grandpa more than the world it’s self.

After a day of chores you meet back up and go to rinse off, as much as you love seeing her hot and bothered you don’t enjoy being sweaty and exhausted so you help eachother clean off. A few hours after supper it’s time for bed. to start off with Drayton insisted you sleep in separate beds so “no funny business” occurs. Funny business absolutely occurred despite that. You know you were found out when Drayton banged on the ceiling with a broom and yelled for you to “keep it down if you’re gonna be going at it like animals”. The next morning you both sit at the table red faced, nubbins and chop finding it hilarious. After this you moved into a bigger bed together since sleeping apart didn’t really have a point anymore.

You read to them next to the warm light of your bedside table lamp until your eyelids start to get heavy and the words blur together. You snuggle down into his side and let out a sigh of content. With one last sweet peck on the lips you both drift off.

I hope u liked this! Texas chainsaw massacre is actually a special interest of mine so I adored writing this for u!!

[redinkofshame]

JSYK just because I don't write it/post it, doesn't mean my thoughts aren't still filled with Solavellan smut on the daily. So when I saw this perfectly innocent comic my thoughts... Wouldn't leave me alone. So here, smut be upon ye.

Keria Lavellan x Solas (in the head of) x purple!mRook

🍋 explicit

Two-and-a-Half-Some

“Nice tits, by the way.”

Rook had led Keria to one of the bedrooms in the Lighthouse to show her a sketchbook full of images of herself. Unlike the rooms they’d passed on their way up, full of sentimental knickknacks and evidence of camaraderie and constant use, this room was all but barren. Clean. Sparse.

Solas’ room.

It made her heart ache, to see how alone he’d been all this time.

She raised her eyebrow at the younger man, who flushed. His expression wasn’t flirtatious so much as ‘I can’t believe I said that out loud’.

“…Sorry.”

The poor kid. He’d clearly only been trying to make a joke to ease the tension of the moment when she’d flipped from a series of tasteful nudes to… Some positions that left little to the imagination.

At least he hadn’t commented on the appearance of her anus.

She shut the book. “Don’t be. They were pretty nice back then. His sketches are a bit outdated now, though. I’m not as young as I once was.”

Rook’s eyes went unfocused for a moment, and then he said, “He, uh, he says your hard-won wisdom only makes you all the more beautiful today.”

Her breath caught in her throat. She swallowed, heart thudding. “He always was a sweet talker. It’s true then. You can hear him?”

He nodded and pointed to his temple. “Yep. Whether I want to or not.”

“And he can hear what you hear, obviously. Does he see through your eyes?”

He nodded.

“Interesting…” She took a step closer to him and raised her hand suggestively to the toggles of her shirt, designed to be easy to use one-handed. “Would you like to see an updated version? For the sake of improving the accuracy of the sketches, of course.”

His eyes were wide. “You… Want to show me your tits?”

She smirked. “I want to show Solas my tits,” she clarified. “You getting to see them is just an enjoyable side-benefit.

As long as you’re comfortable with it, of course.”

“Who in their right mind would say no to seeing the Inquisitor’s tits?” he asked, and she almost laughed at his incredulous tone. Then he added, “He’s, uh, unusually quiet. He’s not going to, like, turn me into a statue for this or anything, right?”

“He was never the jealous type,” she assured him as she began unfastening her shirt. “What about you? Any partners that would have a problem with this?”

“No. Well, partner yes, but no, we’re, uh, open to…” He trailed off, watching her hand distractedly.

She finished with the last toggle, but pointedly didn’t remove her shirt yet, waiting for him to answer.

“We’re not the jealous types, either,” he said quickly once he caught on. Then he jerked his thumb towards the door to the rest of the lighthouse. “I could go get them?”

She did laugh at that, shrugging off her shirt at last. “I think two and a half is enough for now.”

He didn’t answer, focused on her exposed skin. She arched her back prettily and ran a hand over herself, teasing her own taut nipple.

“Wow. Definitely still great.”

Keria had never though of herself as beautiful — at least, not until she’d seen the way Solas looked at her when they made love — but she’d never been particularly self-conscious either. She was surprised that some small part of her preened at the younger man’s approval.

She closed the distance between them and gently took his hand and placed it on her breast. The warmth of it and the way it moved timidly over her had her flushing with sudden need. “And can he feel what you do?”

“Who? Oh, uh, no.” Growing bolder, he had both hands on her now, kneading her breasts, thumbing her nipples delightfully.

“That’s a shame.” She ran her hand over the bulge of his britches as she said it and his breath staggered. Then she pulled back. “Unsurprising, though.”

She started on the fasteners of her own pants and Rook watched, waiting for an indication of what came next, like an eager little puppy.

Once Keria was fully nude she did a slow spin, giving both men a fully view of her decade-older body.

“I can’t understand what he’s saying,” Rook told her. “It’s elvhen. I think it’s poetry.”

“Elvhen always sounds like poetry,” she said said, affection tugging her lips and memories of him reciting beautiful words she didn’t understand while he held her against him.

She went to work on the laces of Rook’s pants, and got on her knees once his erection was freed.

Solas was always dedicated to her pleasure when they made love, rarely allowing her to do the same for him. He couldn’t stop her now, though. So she took her time and made as big a spectacle as she could, maintaining eye contact with this stranger whose head held the love of her life. She stayed focused on those eyes as she ran her tongue along Rook’s shaft, then twirled it around the head, as she took him deep, as she left long trails of saliva whenever she pulled back. Neither man said anything she could hear, though Rook’s groans were satisfying.

When she felt she’d teased enough, (and that Rook might not last much longer,) she pulled back and stood, swaying her hips artfully as she moved to the bed. She climbed on and mirrored one of the positions in the sketchbook, half-propped against the headboard with her knees spread wide.

He continued to stare after her as she stroke her slick core, displaying herself. She wasn't sure if his glazed look was from trying to hear Solas speak, or simple lust.

“Rook,” she said finally. “Take off your clothes and come here."

He jumped to it, almost tangling himself in an attempt to remove both his pants and shirt at the same time, half-tripping as he removed his socks while getting on the sheets. She used a hand on his jaw to guide him over her, in case he got confused about that, too.

He knelt between her legs and took his time admiring her, and she wondered if it was Solas that told him to run his hands up and down the insides of her thighs, to try gripping her hips and waists in different spots, to cup her breasts again. She whimpered with heat by the time Rook ran the head of his cock up and down her folds several times, wetting it before finally plunging into her.

She kept her eyes open and on him when normally she’d have closed them to enjoy the full feeling, the friction, the energetic thrusting his hips against hers. But though it felt odd to look so deep into a stranger’s eyes as he fucked her, she wanted Solas to see her.

Fortunately, the man spent most of his time watching his cock moving in and out of her and her fingers circling her clit, or her bouncing tits.

Then there was a flash, a flicker of blue spirit light, and suddenly his thrusts became pounding, movements becoming equal measures controlled and intense.

She gasped. “Solas?”

“Mah vhenan,” he breathed in the wrong voice, and then he was kissing, biting, sucking on her neck as he moved in her.

Her hand moved to his head but it was wrong, the hair was wrong, so she gripped his back instead and closed her eyes so she couldn’t see Rook anymore, just Solas, her Solas. She came almost immediately, the tension in her releasing with waves of pleasure rushing over her.

He rode her through her climax and then slowed, still, and kissed her. He hadn’t finished, still hard in her as he kissed her harder still. His tongue teased hers, plunging deep, like he couldn’t taste enough of her. She wrapped her arm around him as tight as she could, kissing him with a decade of frustration and longing.

When they pulled back for air she kept her eyes firmly closed, and perhaps he understood because he pulled out and she was suddenly moved, turned over so she was positioned on her knees. She arched her back exaggeratedly, still putting on a show for him. He ran his hands along her thighs, grabbed handfuls of her ass, ran fingers through her folds as he lined up his borrowed cock. He gripped her hips with both hands as he plunged into her, and she moaned his name, and, “I love you, I love you, ar lath ma.”

Whatever he said in breathless elvhen was lost on her as he pounded into her again and again, taking her like an animal. When she came a second time she finally felt his movements become less controlled, insistent and clumsy as he chased his own climax as last.

His movements slowed, stilled. She stopped propping herself up on her shaking arm and allowed herself to collapse on the mattress, and he came down with her.

“Are you still in there?” she panted.

“Yes, vhenan.” For some reason part of her was still surprised the voice was wrong. He rolled them onto their sides and she gripped his arms hard around her, unwilling to let go.

“How long do you have?”

“Not long.” He pressed feather-soft kisses against her shoulder. Then he sighed. “But I can’t leave before I tell you how sorry I am. For everything.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, unwilling to waste this precious moments on his constant guilt. “Var lath vir suledin. I’m going to find a way to save you.” To free him from his prison in the Fade. To be together in this new world he’d made.

He kissed her shoulder again, and she thought it sounded like he was smiling when he replied, “I know.”

I know. Not ‘I know you will try’’. Just ‘I know’. He believed her.

“Solas…” she started, but she trailed off.

It didn’t feel like him anymore. Somehow, she knew he had gone.

“Rook?” she tried instead.

“Uh, yeah” he said as he awkwardly pulling his limp dick out of her. “I’m back.”

Keria bit back her disappointment to put on a satisfied smile as she turned to face him. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself. “Hey. You doing okay? That was… Unexpected. I didn’t know uncontrolled horniness could lead to a spontaneous possession.”

He laughed, and settled back comfortably. “Yeah, neither did either of us.”

She ran her hand along his chest. “Are you feeling okay about it? I just want to check because we didn’t discuss the option before hand.”

He nodded. “Definitely. I think… I think I could have stop it? The possession. It felt weird, kind of like a build up of pressure, but I think I could have stopped it.”

“Why didn’t you?” As a mage she'd been taught to protect herself against possession her whole life. She couldn’t imagine just letting it happen.

Rook shrugged. “I wanted to see what would happen.”

Her mouth was open, but she couldn’t think of a response to that. At last, she shook and said, “Varric said you’d be trouble.”

He grinned. Then, looking a little apologetic, he said, “I was ‘there’ the whole time, you know. Like, I could still, uh, feel everything.”

She made sure to smile comfortingly so he’d know she wasn’t upset by this. “Side benefits indeed.” She kissed him — Rook, not Solas. He deserved to feel wanted, too. “Thanks for the tour of the lighthouse. Glad to be part of the team.”

[thenightfolknetwork]

Shortly after my 7th untimely demise, I came into a bit of money, and decided to spend it on a small 19th-century estate. It’s a gorgeous house, complete with turrets and everything. The turrets were, ah, fully collapsed when I first arrived, and the rest of the house wasn’t in much better shape, but I knew it was a fixer-upper and was confident I could handle it. And I was right! There were certainly some surprises along the way, but a few months ago, I was finally able to start moving in.

As often happens with these sorts of properties, there were some pre-existing tenants that weren’t listed on the contract. My bedroom has an enchanted mirror permanently bound to the wall, the stables house twin 11-year-old ghosts, the kitchen has a automatically-refilling bowl of perpetually fresh apples, and the library fireplace foretells visions of doom—not to mention Stain, the black cat (…I’m pretty sure she’s just a regular cat, but she’s still very much a figure of the property).

It’s. So. Much fun. I was worried I’d get lonely! But now, I can get ready for the day while having a lovely chat with the mirror, snag an apple from the kitchen, go read a book in the library and tell the fireplace that they’re looking particularly unnerving this afternoon, and then chop vegetables for dinner while supervising the kids’ potion-making—I usually don’t care for children, but these two are delightfully precocious, and it’s been a while since I’ve had apprentices. And Stain—she’s wrapped around my shoulders while I write this—she looks like she got hit by a car! She’s adorable.

We all have our spats, but the estate is big enough for us to have our own spaces, and we’re all doing our best to ~communicate~, as you like to say. It’s going swimmingly. Except.

Like most old properties, the house has collected a fair amount of dust over time. In this case, though, all those dust bunnies turned… sentient. Overall, they’re perfectly pleasant to the rest of us, but like to be left to their own devices and aren’t keen on doing what others want. I certainly won’t be judging them for it.

However, while the estate was left to fall into disrepair, the rifts that developed were—are—oh, how do I say this. Well. I probably shouldn’t beat around the bush. I’m having, er, dust bunny gang wars? In my house? And I am fed up with it! The mirror needs cleaning twice a day, the apples have to be washed before eating, Stain’s getting frankly concerning hairballs, and the twins—! Actually, they seem to be rather well-adjusted. I think they may be betting on the fights with the fireplace.

Anyway. As for me, in most of the house, the turf allotments are pretty stable. Not so for the room directly under my bedroom. Practically every other day in there’s a dust bath, and I just can’t sleep with all of the snapping and coordinated dancing and bloodcurdling screams going on.

I’d like to be able to finish moving in to my home. I was even hoping to set up my spinning wheel in that room, but I can’t expose all of those loose fibers to the dust. I am very literally losing sleep over this. What should I do?

Oh, reader. What a frustrating situation! I would like to commend you for your commitment to sharing your home with its previous occupants, and in your success at building a home together you can all enjoy. At least, most of the time.

I understand that the dust bunny population prefer to keep to themselves and enjoy their own autonomy. And I think you're right to respect that preference, to a degree. But their behaviour is now infringing unacceptably on the peace and comfort of your home's other residence. Enough is enough.

Your first step it to try and open lines of communication between yourself and the bunnies. A simple communication ritual should suffice. Set yourself up with a talking board and few candles, and see if you can encourage the bunnies to speak to you directly.

If you're thinking this sounds rather similar to methods used to contact the more antisocial members of the spirit community, you'd be correct. You are trying to speak to sentient dust, and statistically speaking, household dust is largely composed of dead skin cells. A little light necromancy should see you well on your way to negotiating a lasting peace.

As with any peace negotiation, there will be compromises. Before you start this process, think carefully about what you are and aren't willing to give up – and what it is, precisely, you're asking for.

Are you trying to claim the spare room as your own territory, or declaring it a no man's land? Do you intend to act as an intermediary between dust bunny factions, mediating for a broader peace, or are you simply trying to put limits on how these factions behave in the shared spaces of your home?

With clarity of purpose and a commitment to communication and compromise, I think you'll be able to find your way to a solution that works for everyone. If no solution is forthcoming, you might consider a small show of force to encourage co-operation. A new vacuum cleaner, featured in a prominent position in the contested territory, for example.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[enhaloves]

When the flowers bloom

Jake x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: A fun and cute Lego flowers date with Jake! masterlist

________________________________________________________________

It was a sunny afternoon which called for a picnic date by the river downtown. You and your boyfriend made it a hobby to tire yourselves out with dates like going to the movies, checking new restaurants, library dates, café hopping and so much more. But having a picnic was not yet included in the list. 

“Love, do you wanna go out with me?” You asked your boyfriend who’s busy scrolling through his phone. Both of you were glued to the bed all day so it was not a bad idea to go outside. He looked at you and raised his brows.

“Why? I’m already going out with you.” He replies while biting down his lower lips, anticipating your reaction. This made your heart crush in a good way but you were not about to flirt with your bf this minute. Rolling your eyes, you hit his ankles which made him giggle. (I’M NEVER OKAY WHEN HE GIGGLES ISTG)

“Do you want to go out? Love?” He says, not forgetting to mention the word that just makes you want to float around and scream. 

You looked at him and noticed the unsure look on his face. You guessed he was not in the mood to do anything at the moment. But you had something planned out, and you didn’t know how long it would take him before he found that surprise, so you had to do it today. 

“Yeah, I kinda have a plan...” You were starting to doubt your idea. His expression changed to one of puzzlement. “What is it?” He asks delightfully. You cleared your throat, scared that you’d break his expectations. Now you were 70% close to not pushing through the idea. 

“Uhmmm... A picnic date maybe? BUT it’s fine if you don’t want to, I know you just want to rest toda-” You were cut off when he placed his hand over your mouth to shut you up. He looks at you lovingly and giggles one more time (I’M NOT OKAY) before standing up and getting both your arms, forcing you to stand up too. He then places your arms around his waist, pulling you in for a hug. He sways you around slightly before kissing the top of your head.

“Don’t be anxious when you want to ask me something. I’m sure it’ll be lovely. Even if it’s not, I’ll still do it if it makes you happy, love.” He gives you one more sway before letting go. “Get dressed. I’ll go and pack food.” He leaves the room, leaving you frozen. It was during these times that your love for him was just overflowing.

Eventually, you get dressed like he said and packs the essentials. You went and grabbed one of your stocked blankets, which was big enough for the both of you. You folded it and put it inside a paper bag, that had the surprise inside. It was the main star of the day. You were strolling around the mall on one of your dates when you found these cute Lego flowers and you just had to buy them. Not to mention your boyfriend’s undying love for Legos. You managed to secretly purchase it, and now it was time to finally show it. 

When you went outside of the room, you spot Jake, seated on the couch with a basket beside him. He raised his eyes from his phone to you and smiled. “You look lovely.  I’ll change my clothes, then we’re set to go.” He stands up and goes to the room, but he managed to kiss your cheeks when he walked past you. This made your heart skip a beat. It always does.

--

“Thank you for suggesting this, Love. I really needed this.” Jake said, admiring the river view, his hair dancing with the air majestically. How does he do this?

You quickly laid down the blanket, feeling good about this. Everything was set. The air, the food, the view, your boyfriend. Literally everything you could ask for in life. 

Both of you were silent, but not awkwardly silent. It was comforting. You enjoyed each other’s company.

You stood up, realizing it was the perfect time to do it. Jake was quietly staring at you, looking confused. When you took out the Lego box, his face lit up, and the smile on his face was adorable. He snatched the box from your hands and read the packaging, his smile not failing to drop. 

You watched him with adored eyes as you watched him inspect the box happily, even giggling a bit. (I REPEAT, I’M NOT OKAY).

He stands up and gives you the tightest hug ever. You had to forcefully push him away because you couldn’t breath. His eyes glisten looking straight through your eyes. “I love you” he says softly, half whispering. You cupped his face and kissed his nose. “Anything for you, Love. Shall we start?” You asked him excitedly. He nods quickly and grabs your hand, leading you back to the blanket. “We shall.”

You spent the rest of the afternoon trying to build the set, arguing a few times before completing it.

“To my dearest, Lover.” He says handing you the Lego flowers with the sweetest smile. “Why, thank you, lovely sir.” You played along, accepting the flowers. You both laughed and fell into a quiet void. Just staring at each other until one of you melts. 

He drags himself beside you and lays on your lap. You played with his hair, and he squinted his eyes in return. “Just like these Lego flowers, my love for you will never wither”.

[talesfromawannabejournalist]

BAG AU Lilith

. Lilith the first human woman and first spouse of Adam was deeply in love with Lucifer

it’s not as if she intended for it to happen one day she was picking fruit for her and her husband the next there was an angel floating right above her asking where Adam was and Lord almighty was he handsome and so so charming she fell before they were even completely done with their conversation

. after that whenever she could she would try and find the angel, she was so enchanted by him she couldn’t help but try and seek him out.

. When she did she would have the most delightfully intellectual conversations and even though he usually seemed to be in a hurry to finish these conversations for his main purpose of going each time to the garden was to visit the true object of his affections Adam.

. Speaking of, Adam was starting to get more and more concerned the more Lilith went on her own, the excuses always varying “I just wish to be alone” “I’m going to get us some food to eat” “I think there’s one more creature I wish to name” and every time he would suggest coming with she would get extremely defensive and told him to stay put promising she’d be back soon

. Soon was her way for saying not until the stars are out

. he didn’t know why she was acting this way but he also shouldn’t be so surprised since she was always one for doing what she wanted and going her own way

.Things changed one day while she was with Lucifer sitting a few feet away from him while he sat in the shade of the tree that held the forbidden fruit leaning his back on the bark

. he asked her why she didn’t want to join him under the shade and she explained that both she and Adam weren’t even allowed to touch the tree.

. And after that he kept asking more and more questions and soon asked this one question “but what is so bad about it?” Which was followed by this, “maybe they just don’t want you to be as smart as them, for after all it is called the fruit of knowledge for a reason”

. And just like that she was convinced, so she listened to his instructions very carefully for all she had to do was get Adam to come with her and eat the fruit and her life would instantly become greater than ever before

. except when she did as he told her to the instant moment Adam’s lips touched the apple her life went to the pit

. Lilith felt as though she was filthy all over and something crawled in her and died

. Soon the three were blinded by pure light as the angels of heaven came down in a blind rage raving their anger at them mostly towards Lucifer, and so she sat petrified unable to speak

. However, she would take the feeling of fear over any day over what she felt when she looked over to Lucifer for comfort but found his entire existence was laser focused on Adam who was shivering from the sudden cold and covering him with with wings while trying to reason with the angels

. and he didn’t even give her a glance when they were banished

. Adam and Lucifer were not only cast out of the garden but into an eternal pit of darkness and sin, while Lilith was made to wander the Earth trying to find some semblance of peace and love from the other humans created at that time but she never found that

. That was her life until she passed away from old age

. when she ascended to Heaven she learned about the pit now called Hell and on how mortal souls that were corrupted and pure evil would perish down there once they died

. she also learned something that made her heart break all over again, Adam and Lucifer ruled side by side as Queen and King and they were in love

. but the very thing that made her feel as though her soul was being ripped into shreds was the fact that we’re able to have a family, while she was left barren

. that feeling of betrayal was replaced with one of pure rage and jealousy she would look down at the black pit of Hell

. Jealousy that somehow Adam was able to have all that she wanted and was made for but was denied

. rage that the one creature she wanted to be with never even liked her

. She then made a vow, if she ever found a way, she would make sure that Lucifer and his kind would suffer

. Centuries later she was granted that wish

[missmagooglie]

The conversations that happen on the way back to the firehouse are always wildest after sex-related calls.

Hen will admit that their newest probie does occasionally exhibit the obnoxious habit of speaking as though his whole entire twenty five years on this earth have given him ample time to become an expert on absolutely everything, but things don’t get weird until Chim tries to bait him by saying, “Well how would you know, Buck? Not like you’ve ever had a dick in your mouth.”

The probie’s shocked and offended face is entirely predictable and, admittedly, hilarious. Hen cracks open her water bottle and prepares to tune out whatever well meaning but ignorant and at least mildly offensive assertion of his heterosexuality is about to spew from this boy’s mouth.

She is not prepared for him to hotly retort, “Of course I’ve sucked cock. I’m not homophobic!”

Hen promptly chokes, water pouring down her chin as she coughs and sputters all over the cab. 

“Shit, Hen, are you ok?” the probie asks her, thumping her back in a way that he should know as a trained EMT does not actually help in this situation.

“Fine,” Hen wheezes, waving him off as she gets her breath back. “I’m just. Gonna need you to run that back for me a little.”

Probie gives her that confused head tilt that she refuses to find adorable. The kid is a capable enough firefighter when he’s not running off half-cocked to try some big damn hero stunt, but he is a Chad of the highest degree. Hen does not and will not like him as a person.

“What? Oh, the blowjob thing?” He says with eyes that are way too wide and earnest for someone casually talking about oral sex. “It was no big deal, really. It was ages ago.”

Hen holds one finger up at him and takes a few deep breaths just to make sure she’s not going to cough any more, then says, “I am going to need to know who convinced you that there was a dick-sucking requirement for being an LGBT ally.”

Hen is genuinely worried the kid is going to hurt himself if he keeps thinking this hard.

“Oh,” he says, frowning with concentration. “Well, I guess it was more like in that specific situation than, like, in general.”

“Buckaroo, you’ve gotta know we’re gonna ask,” Chim says, leaning forward eagerly to hear whatever absolute mess of a story is about to come out of Buck’s mouth.

Buck manages to look surprised at Chim’s sudden interest. “There’s not, like, some big story. I was in Vegas, some friends invited me to Pride and I’m always up for a good party. We wind up at a club, this guy asks me if I want to blow him, and, you know, what was I supposed to do? Say no?”

Hen glances at Chim, who looks just as dumbfounded as she feels. 

“Uh, yes?” Chim says. “I mean, obviously if you're bisexual or heteroflexible or whatever we aren't gonna judge, man. But most people who aren't attracted to men won't suck a cock just cuz some guy asked.”

Buck shrugs. “I wasn’t gonna leave the poor guy hanging just because I’m not gay. I was in a gay club during Pride. He had every reason to assume I swung that way. When in Italy or whatever, you know?”

“Rome,” Hen croaks. “The expression is ‘When in Rome’.” 

Buck looks at her with his confused puppy face. “Isn’t that in Italy?”

“Sure,” Chim says, cutting in smoothly before Hen blows a gasket at the sheer absurdity of this boy. “But the expression’s about the Roman Empire, not the city.”

“You mean Ancient Rome?” Buck says, “Wasn’t that more than, like, 200 years ago?”

That’s it. That’s the final crack in Hen’s sanity. “Two HUNDRED? Bobby, pull over. I need to kill your probie.”

“For what?” Buck squawks as Bobby sighs heavily.

“General ignorance of the world!” Hen snaps. “I don’t know how you’ve survived this long, but it ends today!”

“Hen, not again,” Bobby says, dry as a bone. The captain mostly keeps to himself, but every now and then he’ll offer a peek into a delightfully twisted sense of humor. “It’s getting hard to cover up this many of them going ‘mysteriously missing’.”

The indignant noise that comes out of the probie's mouth makes all the brain damage she’s sustained from this conversation worth it.

At least until Chimney decides he's still curious and asks, "So were you any good?"

"Well, it was my first time doing it and I was pretty drunk," the probie hedges, before proudly adding, "but, I can shotgun a beer in under four seconds so opening my throat like that was kinda second nature."

"Please stop talking," Hen begs. "Just, close your mouth and never open it again."

He pouts at her. He actually pouts. "What about when I need to eat?" he asks.

"Don't. Speak." Hen repeats. "If I never hear another word about your sexual exploits, it will be too soon."

The probie mimes zipping his lips and throwing away the key. "No more sex talk at the fire station," he says. "I promise."

He absolutely does not keep that promise.

Unfortunately, Hen ends up growing fond of him anyway.

[beneaththeskybeyondthestars]

The ✨Metaphysical Magic✨ of BTS 💜 방탄소년단

If you're like me and deeply inspired by BTS, then you know there's something truly mystical about their music and presence that goes beyond just being fans. Let’s dive a little into the rabbit hole and into this enchanting world together!

Symbols and Archetypes

First off, let’s talk about the incredible symbolism in BTS’s work. Their "Love Yourself" series is a perfect example. It's all about self-discovery, acceptance, and love – universal themes that we all relate to. These themes mirror the archetypal journeys we often explore in tarot, making their messages resonate deeply with us. Every lyric and visual tells a story that we can connect with, almost like looking at a tarot card and finding a piece of our own story within it.

Astrological Connections

The BTS members have shared their astrological signs with us, adding a whole new cosmic layer to their personalities. RM’s intellectual Virgo energy, Suga’s dreamy Pisces vibes, Jimin’s charming Libra balance, Jhope's Aquarian genius, Jin's Sagittarius wisdom, V's Capricorn earthiness, and Jungkook's Virgo perfectionism – it’s like each member brings a unique star quality that we can relate to on a spiritual level. Knowing their signs helps us connect with them in a more personal and mystical way, almost like they’re celestial guides on our journey. As a band that was born (debuted) on June 13th, BTS are collectively a Gemini, which explains their versatility, charm, humor, multi-hyphenated talent, and how they keep us laughing, delightfully guessing and always surprised with what they will do next, both independently and as a unit. Like the sign, they are energetic, impulsive, and often change their appearance, as well as being great communicators who share their feelings with us, making it easier for us to understand them. Gemini is also considered the teenager of the zodiac, and for us ARMY, they will truly be Young Forever!

Numerology and Destiny

Let's not forget numerology! The number seven is so important for BTS – it represents the seven members and is seen as a symbol of completeness and perfection in many spiritual traditions. Fans (including me!) love finding patterns in release dates, album titles, and significant events. It’s like following a cosmic breadcrumb trail that leads to deeper meanings and connections, making us feel like we’re part of a grand, destined plan.

Energy and Vibration

Have you ever felt the energy at a BTS concert? It’s pure magic! Their music isn’t just something you listen to; it’s something you feel. According to metaphysical principles, everything vibrates at a certain frequency. BTS’s songs, filled with messages of love, hope, and resilience, vibrate at a high frequency that resonates with our hearts. This energy can uplift and heal, creating a powerful experience for all of us.

Transformation and Healing

One of the most beautiful aspects of BTS’s influence is their ability to transform and heal. So many of us have found comfort and strength in their music during tough times. Although I first became aware of BTS in 2019 when I heard the song and saw the video for "Boy With Luv", it was 2020 when I became a true ARMY and without question, they helped me make it through that difficult period. It’s like having a cosmic friend who understands and supports you through their songs. This aligns perfectly with the metaphysical view of music as a form of therapy, reaching into our souls to provide healing and growth.

Collective Consciousness and Synchronicity

Lastly, let’s talk about the amazing BTS ARMY. We’re a perfect example of collective consciousness. Our synchronized activities, from streaming projects to charitable acts, show how connected we are. This unity creates a powerful force that enhances our individual and collective experiences, making us feel like we’re part of something much bigger.

So it is easy to see that the metaphysical aspects of BTS are real and true. Their music and presence go beyond entertainment; they touch our souls and connect us on a spiritual level. Whether through symbolism, astrology, numerology, or the energy they emit, BTS has created a legacy that transcends the physical world. It’s a journey of transformation, healing, and growth that we all share.

Thanks for joining me on this mystical exploration. Stay tuned for more cosmic insight and adventures and Beneath the Sky, Beyond the Stars Tarot. Keep shining and embracing the magic around you! Keep Loving Yourself and Speaking Yourself!

With love and light, I Purple You! 보라해

💜 Gabby 🌌💫

[otome-obsessions]

One Day and One Night - [Victor x Kate]

Prologue (🌞) | Chapter 1 (🌞) | Chapter 1.5 (🌞) | Chapter 2 (🌞) | Chapter 2.5 (🌞) | Chapter 3 (🌞) | Chapter 4 (🌚) | Chapter 5 (🌞)

Chapter 2 - Kate

WC: 1830

As the first hint of sunlight peeks through my bedroom window, I do my best to rub the sleep from my eyes. Today is finally the day, and I want to get a headstart on Victor. Knowing him, he’d have his own parade of surprises for me, but I’ll beat him to the punch this time!

I head to the castle kitchen, apron in hand. 

(There’s no better way to start the day than with a delightfully delicious breakfast! It may have taken a while, but I’ve finally gotten Victor’s scone recipe memorized, so I’ll-)

The opposite door of the kitchen opens right after I walk into the room. I lock eyes with Victor, and there’s a moment where we just stare at each other in surprise.

Victor: “Pfft. Ahaha! They say great minds think alike, but I’d say this is a bit uncanny.”

I can’t help but laugh along with him. I mean, he even has his own matching apron in his hand. We couldn’t have been more in sync if we’d tried.

I mask the end of my laughter with a short cough and give Victor a stern look.

Kate: “This is no laughing matter. I don’t know who leaked the details of Operation: Succulent, Sensational Scones, but once I find the mole, he’ll have hell to pay!”

Victor: “Hmm, is that what you call it? No matter how you cut it, it’s obvious that your operation was reverse engineered from Project: Bawdy, Buttery Breakfast, Little Robin’s Favorite Treat! I cannot forgive such overt plagiarism!”

Victor makes his way over to me, gently takes the apron from my hand, and drapes it over my neck. He’s close enough to make my voice ever-so-slightly thinner when I speak.

Kate: “Plagiarism? I would never!”

Victor: “Well, we’ll simply have to get to the bottom of who copied whom.”

He ties the strings of my apron, his hands lingering on my waist both too long and not nearly long enough. After taking a few steps back, he flicks his apron into the air. When it lands to the ground I see him clothed in a different apron with his hair neatly tied in a ponytail.

(A new magic trick? How did he even manage that?)

He strikes a regal pose in his adorable new outfit, and I gave him the polite applause I knew he was waiting for. 

Victor: “Thank you, thank you! Your honest praise is the only payment I need. Now we must settle this case of domestic espionage through battle! May the most delectable dessert win!”

We spend the next couple of hours baking, making a mess, and finding any excuse to enjoy just being together. Little tastes of the batter on his spoon. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Feeding each other like we did all those months ago. 

Eventually, we both become nearly full to bursting, having gorged ourselves on a mix of scones, tarts, and whatever pastries we could slap together with the leftover ingredients. As we relax at the kitchen counter, I toy with a strand of Victor’s hair.

Kate: “So, what’s next, Vic? The day’s barely begun.”

Victor: “Already so eager to leave?”

Kate: “Well, if we’re together anywhere is fine. I just didn’t expect you to waste your chance at ‘anything.’”

His eyes simmer with something darky and heady, cutting through the happy malaise left behind by our meal. I feel a pleasant shiver run up my spine as he smiles at me.

Victor: “A fair point. I’d hate to disappoint my stunning songbird, after all. Hmmm.”

Victor rests his head on his hand, eyes shut and seemingly deep in thought. He looks so cute being so at ease. I’m caught between wanting to pinch his cheeks or just take in the view.

Victor: “Right then! It’s decided.”

With a clap Victor stands to his full height and takes my hand. He pulls me toward the entrance of the kitchen while I’m left wondering what, exactly, was decided.

Kate: “Wait, where are we going?”

Victor: “You’ll just have to see when we get there.”

As it turns out, it wasn’t much of a journey. Not in regards to distance, at least. 

We spend the rest of our day walking through the castle halls and visiting our favorite locations in Crown’s massive home. Everytime we come up to something I had grown familiar with, Victor teaches me something new.

He taught me a simple song on the ballroom piano. He helped me sit and glide down the entry stairs. He showed me a hidden collection of rare books in the library. And so much more. Just when I thought I was really coming to feel that Crown Castle was a home, Victor managed to find a way to make it even more bright and exciting. 

The day passes by quickly, and before I know it, it’s time for supper. We make our way outside to have a picnic in the garden. Though hanging low in the sky, the sun is still bright when we lay out our cozy blanket and Victor unveils an absolute feast. 

(Seriously, how did he even manage this? We’ve been together all day!)

I’m unsure where to start, but luckily Victor makes the decision for me by bringing a lovely little sandwich to my mouth. We start happily munching away and chatting as the sun sinks lower on the horizon. Eventually, a thought occurs to me.

(There’s just no way he could have done this all on his own. Maybe he’d had the maids prepare something while we were roaming around the castle.)

Kate: “Say, Vic. Where have all the maids been today? I haven’t seen anyone around.”

Victor: “They’ve all been given time off until sunrise. We typically keep a skeleton crew, but I wanted to be truly alone with you today.”

Kate: “Wha- Then how and when did you have time to make all this?!”

Victor: “I can’t have you knowing all my secrets. A man’s only as attractive as he is mysterious, right?”

(Ah, this again. This is the part where I say ‘You’re attractive no matter what!’ isn’t it?)

It took some time for me to notice, but Victor had a bad habit of trying to win compliments from me in roundabout ways. It’s cute, but sometimes his methods leave me feeling a bit sad or insecure. I think it’s best if we’re more straightforward with each other, especially after multiple months of dating.

Kate: “Vic, if you want me to compliment you, there’s no need to fish for it..Just ask me very nicely and I’ll tell you how handsome you are anytime.”

Victor: “Egads! To believe that my dishonest scheme was so easily unveiled. You’ve come to know me rather well, Kate. In that case…”

He reaches across the blanket, past the food that’s lined up between us, and cups my cheek. Then he crosses the distance between us until our noses are almost touching while his thumb lightly caresses my skin. I’m absolutely ensnared by his eyes at that moment. That oppressive, dangerous aura isn’t present, but there’s still a clear greed and hunger in his gaze.

Victor: “Compliment me. Please.”

It doesn’t sound like a request in the slightest, and I can’t really say he’s being nice about it. Even so…

Kate: “You’re beautiful…”

My voice is breathy, and my words are much simpler than what I’d intended to say. I’m just enchanted because when he looks at me like that, I don’t necessarily mind if he’s being greedy…

Victor: “Hmmm, beautiful. I’ve been called that before, but the word feels new when it passes through your lips.”

I inhale a quiet gasp as his thumb glances over my lower lip. The air between us suddenly feels charged, electric, and my eyes can’t help but be drawn to his smile. We’ve shared so few moments of physical touch, but surely he would finally close the distance today?

Victor: “Thank you, little robin.”

Pulling his hand away from my face, he retreats, yet I still feel the warmth of his palm and the heat of his gaze. What is this feeling of restlessness? Of something being incomplete? I don’t even have the chance to really ponder my disappointment before a drop of water marks my cheek.

We both look up to see the clouds have gathered and darkened while we ate. 

(Sigh. Lovely London weather.)

Just as we finish packing away our remaining food, the rain really starts to come down. Victor takes off his jacket and covers me with it as we dash inside to escape the sudden downpour. 

When we make it inside, Victor is soaked through his vest while only my shoes and socks got wet. 

Kate: “Thank you, Victor. What an awful turn of events.”

Victor: “Was it? I found it quite thrilling to dash through the rain with you.”

Is thrilling the right word for it? I didn’t think of our frantic scramble that way, but…

Victor begins to wring out his hair now that we are covered, and my eyes follow the curve of his neck and the droplets of rain slide down his skin.

(He really is drenched… Thrilling, huh?)

Before I can give myself time to second guess my desire, I fold Victor’s coat, place it on the ground, and reach for his vest. His hands go still as he observes me quietly, and I’m suddenly taken by the need to make an excuse.

Kate: “You’ll catch your death of cold if you stay in this…”

I look up to him as a way of asking permission, my hands lightly gripping the buttons of his vest. His hair cascades through his loose fingers as he stares back, that caged energy starting to peek through and send my hairs on end again.

Victor slowly covers my hands with his own, before leaning in to give me a sultry whisper.

Victor: “Kate, look out the window.”

I follow his instruction and see hues of orange, yellow, and purple painting the rain clouds in a quickly dimming light. Twilight has finally come.

Victor: “So, tell me, beloved, what will it be? Does our day end here?”

The day flashes through my mind, blending with the other memories we had made together. The joy, excitement, contentment. The danger. The love. All of it flows through me as I glance at Victor’s coat. He is always shielding me from danger, both inside these walls and beyond. When we dance with darkness, he never allows it to come too close to me. He’s so incredibly special to me, and above all, I trust him. 

My fingers tighten their grip on his vest before I spread them out along his chest, relishing in the contrast between the wet cloth and firm heat underneath. I meet those impossibly blue, gemstone eyes, and I’ve never wanted to dive into something so recklessly as I do now.

Kate: “I’m yours, Vic.”

Previous Chapter (🌞) | Next Chapter (🌞)

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Grease is a delightfully corny musical filled with 50s nostalgia (mostly the good kind) and helped shoot the careers of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John to new heights. There’s a little bit of values dissonance here and there, but considering when it was made and what decade it was about, it could honestly be a lot worse. It’s easily one of the most fun and enjoyable musicals ever made, and it should come as no surprise the Library of Congress deemed this film significant enough to add to the National Film Registry. Is it any surprise a film like this had a sequel?

Well, yeah, kind of. Paramount didn’t think the movie was going to be much more than a modest one-off hit when it came out despite the 50s nostalgia of the time, mainly due to the spectacular failure of Columbia’s musical adaptation of Lost Horizon being such a spectacular bomb. Why risk making musicals when it seems they’re on the way out, right? But then Grease unexpectedly became one of the biggest films of 1978, and the execs got little dollar signs in their eyes. Sequel time, baby!

One problem, though: None of the original cast was available. Or, I should say, none of the original cast you’d give a fuck about was available. Travolta and Newton-John were already off to bigger and better things, which is a shame since they were both interested before it took them forever to get a script. Only Didi Conn (Frenchy) and Eddie “Mandark” Deezen (Eugene) were coming back. And, look, I love Dexter’s Lab but that wasn’t going to be made for like twenty years or something, so Eddie wasn’t Travolta-levels of star power. Still, Paramount was dead set on turning Grease into a massive franchise. We’re talking spin-offs, sequels, a TV series, the works!

But then the screenwriter for the original died, and the original director went off to make The Blue Lagoon. Of course, they found great backups! The screenwriter is a Canadian comedian who wrote Airplane II (the less funny one) and the director was the choreographer of the original stage and film versions of Grease! How reassuring! And then basically all of the actors they actually wanted in this didn’t end up getting in. For the male lead they wanted Timothy Hutton, but when that didn’t work out they tested Andy Gibb… who failed. They then went with an unknown, Maxwell Caulfield, and casting an unknown is always a gamble. For the leading lady, Pat Benatar and Debbie Harry were considered before they ended up going with an unknown by the name of Michelle Pfeiffer. And guess what! Those two ended up hating each other.

Oh yeah and the final draft of the script was only finished midway through production, without Frenchy in it despite her actress being there, so they just tossed the scenes they’d filmed into the movie anyway.

The end result was savaged by critics and did not really make enough to warrant the massive franchise Paramount was hoping for. The careers of most of the actors involved were damaged pretty bad, especially Caulfield, though Pfeiffer managed to et out mostly unscathed. Overall, the film was just a mess that these days is relegated to lists of the worst sequels ever. Hell, unless you read lists like that you might be unaware this film even exists, because it’s relatively obscure.

Still, it does have its fans, including Andrew Garfield of all people. It’s something of a cult classic in some circles, so surely there’s something of value to be found here, right? Is Grease 2 really that bad?

THE GOOD

Michelle Pfeiffer is pretty in this.

...No. Really. That’s it.

THE BAD

This film’s biggest problem is just how overexaggerated everyone’s performances are. Like all of the dance numbers feature every single character mugging the camera and just making the most absurd faces and movements, like this is a live action cartoon. And look, I love goofy, campy silliness, but there’s a fine line between corny and trying way too hard and this is firmly in the latter camp. Every single number is just ruined by this insufferable desire to be silly.

The other biggest problem is the songs. All of them suck. All of them are also about sex, and that doubly sucks. None of the lyrics are very clever, but all of them are fucking stupid. This might just be one of the horniest movies ever made, and I mean that as an insult. I’ve watched pornos less obsessed with sex than this film. This is all the more jarring because the first film was just filled to the brim with fun and memorable songs, but here? They’re all forgettable crap with no clear identity.

Maxwell Caulfield is a terrible leading man, and I say this as someone who has a hard time believing John Travolta is a leading man. At least with Travolta he does exude a sort of movie star quality; Caulfield just feels to me like a cardboard cutout of a person, or an even more wooden Anakin Skywalker than what we got in Attack of the Clones. Caulfield is just an absolute void of charisma, and it’s no wonder Pfeiffer thought he was a stuck up little shit.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Uh, yeah. It’s fucking bad.

I really wanted to enjoy this. I really did. I love stupid, campy, silly musicals! This should have been perfect for me! And yet it was one of the most tedious, miserable viewing experiences I’ve ever had. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t smile. I was not once charmed or amused by anything I saw onscreen. As a matter of fact, there were times where I just wanted to turn it off because it was just such a slog. The extended cut of Dawn of Justice is a more well-paced and riveting film.

Look, if you like this movie, more power to you. Lord knows there’s plenty of trashy films I absolutely love that many people wouldn’t agree with. But in my opinion, Grease 2 just doesn’t work, and the reason why is because it’s Grease 2. If this film was just its own thing and not trying to coast on the fame of its superior predecessor, maybe I’d be a little more forgiving. But that’s not the world we live in. We live in a world where this film with tenuous connections to the original is allowed to call itself a sequel.

I’m gonna say that score is a little too nice, and this movie deserves something more like a 2. It’s not the worst thing ever and it’s sure to appeal to some folks, but boy is this just plain not a good film in my eyes. It really just feels like it's trying way too hard to be the original, and it's failing miserably at it at every single turn. It is one of the worst movies I've ever watched, but at least it's a bad movie where I can almost see the appeal. It just doesn't appeal to me.

[artbyblastweave]

Gideon the Ninth, Chapter 17

Alright, I’m done procrastinating on this. Before I start, some brief metacommentary on the skull mascots for each of the houses, which I only recently bothered to scrutinize;

First House skull is very big.

Second House Skull has a centurion's helmet.

Third House has jewels in the eyes;

Fourth has laurels- that was a military thing in ancient Rome, right?

Fifth has some kind of wavy crown thing. I bothered to check this in the first place because I thought it was going to be flat-out removed from the section header as an evolving credits thing.

Sixth has scrolls between the teeth; no surprise, they eat lots of books as children

Seventh has a rose jutting out the eye sockets (Hakahani disease AU!)

Eighth is blindfolded;

Ninth has absolutely nothing. Less, even. No lower jaw.

Okay, onto CSI: Canaan House:

"In the early hours of the morning, even Palamedes admitted defeat." EVEN Palamedes. Delightfully concise phrasing. This establishes from the start that we’re in the midst of the first group study session this rock has seen. It reinforces that Palamedes is first among equals in his headstrong sherlockishness. He could be the protagonist of this. You could rewrite this to do that.

“The early hunger of ghosts.” So ghosts are vampiric. Are vampires Vampiric? Are there vampires? Can Vampires be made to be, using necromancy?

Christ. The Fourthlings. This is another example of something that was funny until it wasn't funny. They had, like, a bit going with the Fifth, a back-and-fourth; their dialogue was almost exclusively rendered a punchline. Now they're voiceless on an entirely different axis. Shoo out the clowns. Rosencratz and whatshisface.

Taking note here that Gideon is capable of identifying what she refers to as the “minute” signs of Harrow’s exhaustion. She’s paid that much attention to her mannerisms in the past, despite their ostensible enemyhood. This book does such interesting things conveying the depths of their familiarity with each other while also being a story about how they barely know each other.

There is no way it's an accident that Coronabeth and Ianthe didn't bother to dress. Only solace of the night indeed. This is a power play. On the opposite side of the spectrum we have the “painfully useful” Sixth. See, when Palamedes shows up to work in his PJs, that's the opposite of a mind game. That's a mark of sincerity.

He apologizes to Abigail as he steps over the body. Jesus.

Palamedes gives his bedrobe to Dulcinea. Those two had a thing. They were the protagonists of a John Green type novel some time before the start of this book.

Palamedes and Harrow, once both cognizant and faced with a problem, are on the same wavelength. There was, somewhere out there, a place where Harrow would have fit in immaculately.

What should I read into Camilla’s overprotectiveness of Palamedes? Gideon’s narration makes her hovering sound unwarranted, but Gideon’s narration also set us up to think that Ortus was much more of a wet blanket than he wound up being. She’s not the greatest at assessing the personal circumstances underlying idiosycratic behaviors. Is Sixth House the terminal exaggeration of “Publish or Perish?” 

Not to harp too hard on this scene, but "Gideon had to stare pretty hard at skimpy nighties to get over that one." Best way to cap off the reveal of how Third House necromancy works; also a pretty good explanation of why they go out of their way to keep up appearances otherwise. This is not a faction that could get away with being both cannibalistic AND ugly; they've browsed Tumblr. They know that as long as you're alluring you can eat a few fingers. As a treat.

Dulcinea's not allowed to get involved in the investigation. The Seventh sent a Necromancer who isn’t allowed to get involved in hardcore necromantic exertions? Something weird is going on.

And NOW the Eighth House show up, having taken the time that nobody else did to get fully kitted out. And they specialize in spirit magic.

Silas is a soul siphoner. And Harrow knows this- despite someone else’s exclamation in this sequence indicating that soul siphoning isn’t a widely known technique. Know your enemy.

Oh my god. That's why his Nephew looks older than him, isn't it?

Silas was probably expecting this to be a big-damn-heroes fix; instead he (predictably) nearly kills Dulcinea and finally causes someone to throw a punch, tensions being what they are. Making a note here that Colum seems to not give a shit that his Uncle has been laid out and held at swordpoint; a direct side effect of the siphon, or an indirect one in the sense that he's not gonna lift a finger to help his charge if not expressly ordered? Like Artemis Fowl if Butler thought his charge was a little shit and kept trying to rules-lawyer a permissible way to let him die.

A schoolyard fight broken up only by the arrival of Teacher, who is, for the first time, AFRAID. And demonstrating a coherent and involved necromantic knowledge; nobody was supposed to be allowed to die in this section of the facility, because something very, very bad happens if you leave a dead body down there. He's giving actual, actionable suggestions. He is telling people that they are wrong. Absolutely wrong. Everything is absolutely wrong.

[the-void-has-questions]

HELLO FROM THE HALLOWOODS MY LOVE YOU HAVE RETURNED!!!!! Here’s my thoughts on the new ep: (spoilers ahead for 141, ofc)

nik, i also wish things had gone differently but. Could they have?

OOH SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT!!! NEW!!!

puck sounds like me. What.

Ooooooohhhhh oh my god what is going on

I do NOT like the spores but okay!

Look I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to hear about Olivier or Diggory but. This is gonna be fun and I’m looking forward to it nonetheless!

Ooh puck is not fully human I don’t know why I’m surprised!!!

WHAT is going on

Puck, darling, you’re delightfully full of bad decisions.

IRENE?!??????

Wait fr are we getting a big bad rn??

MORE MUSIC THEMED BIG BADS???????

Shelby!!! Hello!!!!!!!

Oh no

Mr Greenstreak is so right to call cops pigs, but also the fact that they have a precinct? Running water?? When and where ARE we,,?

VIRGIL??? COLE???? HELLO???? So we’re not THAT far in the future but at least ten years

SCOUT CITY???????????

Fischer lane. Symphony of ghosts. Fuck you.

Okay who is the Boss? Violet? Bern?? Probably not… but??? It’s a scout. “Grey blue eyes like glass storm clouds” and a Scoutpost jacket!

SAXOPHONE PLAYER

What.

CEBELSGSGK

Clem. It’s Clem.

I need a minute

Good god, girl. Jumpscare warning!! now WHERE IS YOUR SISTER.

OOH who are you??

God, I love love love puzzles….

?? Oh. Ain’t that horrific.

Mx. wellman, you have a uniquely beautiful way of peppering in world building in a way that obscures it from the audience without making it frustrating

OH HI NIKIGNIK

MAROLMARR??? HELLOOOO??? WHAT THE FUCK.

Oh. Clem dearest… I’m happy to hear a familiar voice <3

Marolmaar reborn and reborn?

I wanna sub to the patreon so badddd but I have No Money to spare rn. One day….

I’m so happy. Literally ecstatic!!! You’re back!!! NEW PUZZLES!!!!! YEAHHHHH BOYYYY

That was a truly wonderful episode!! I can’t wait to see more of marolmar and also figure out how to spell his name!!

[thezombieprostitute]

Alphas & Algorithms - Part 5 - Second date

A/N: Continued from Part 4. Reader is female and is described as "tall". No other descriptors.

Warnings: It is a Dystopian AU. Food scarcity, hunger, mentions of families being separated. Please let me know if I missed any!

--Part 1-- --Part 6--

--Series Masterlist--

“Hello Curtis,” Y/N calls from the kitchen as he walks through the door to her apartment. “Come on in and have a seat. I’ve cooked something a little less rich this time that should help keep your body from crashing. Again, I’m very sorry about that.”

Curtis walks towards the little dining table and sits, “you don’t need to apologize. You had no idea. And we got our rations delivered this morning. Thank you for keeping your promise.”

“Well no one should have to go without a full complement of nutrients,” Y/N brings over a couple plates of spaghetti with meatballs and sits with him. “Would you like some shredded cheese to go with?”

“Umm,” Curtis hesitates, “whichever option you’re going with. We’re already out of my depth here.”

“Oh,” Y/N stops, “I’m so…” “Please,” Curtis interrupts. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. You didn’t know, now you do.”

“Thank you, again, for your patience with me,” Y/N smiles. Curtis’s inner Alpha has started to like making her smile. It’s something he knows he’s going to have to be careful with. 

“Do you mind if we talk while we eat,” he asks.

“Not at all! I’m happy to listen. You just might need to wait for responses until I’ve finished my bite of food,” Y/N chuckles. 

Curtis can’t help but smile back, “thank you.” Y/N’s inner Omega practically preens at being able to make the Alpha smile. She knows it’s genuine and she’s delightfully surprised. 

The two talk over dinner about the kinds of benefits his Pack could receive. Curtis’s priority was clearly the health and well-being of the pups. Y/N promised to look more into the matter but she was sure that one of the benefits the Pack would receive was that none of the pups would ever be recruited to be Emotional Support Betas. She was able to confirm they would receive better education, better access to food, supplies and housing. 

When dinner was finished Curtis insisted on helping with the dishes. He wasn’t used to being taken care of and couldn’t just sit at the table while she cleaned, especially when she’d also cooked. He got a good whiff of her kitchen and almost coughed at the myriad of herbs and spices he’d never smelled before. They stood next to each other at the sink, her washing, him rinsing, and he found himself drawn to the calmness of her scent. Warm vanilla was quite comforting amongst the strange, almost overpowering smells of the kitchen. 

“So, what other questions do you have,” Y/N asked, hands busy with the dishes to distract herself from how close she was to him, how good he smelled. 

“Do you think I can meet Jake? He’s a big part of your life, practically your Pack. It’d feel wrong to not meet him.”

“Yes, of course,” Y/N replied excitedly. “Just not today. He’s using our date as an excuse to go on a date with another Beta. She’s really sweet and I hope it goes well.”

Curtis nodded, trying to focus on the dishes, trying to figure out how to proceed safely.

“Are you okay,” Y/N asked. “Is something agitating you?”

“Um,” Curtis panicked. “I think it’s the herbs and spices you’ve got in here. It’s a lot of smells I’ve never smelled before. How do you not get overwhelmed? You’re super sensitive to scents.”

“It’s two-fold, really. The first part is that I’m used to them. I spend a lot of time in here, so I’ve developed a kind of tolerance. If we were out in the hallways and there were a bunch of these scents out there it would certainly throw me for a loop. The second part is that I can identify the individual scents. From the spicy cinnamon to the bittersweet dong quai and even the sharp peppermint. Knowing what they are is a significant help to not letting them overwhelm me.”

“You may want to swap them out a bit. One of them is smelling like it’s going bad.”

“Oh that’s probably the black kohosh. It smells pretty bad in herb form but the taste when used in tea is actually pretty calming and earthy.”

“Huh. Next time I visit, would you be willing to make some tea? Help me learn about this plethora of smells?”

“You…you actually want to meet up again?”

“Yeah. You’re surprised?”

“Heh, I was certain you were going to come back and tell me, at some point tonight, that you weren’t interested,” Y/N gives a soft smile. “It’s nice to be wrong about something and have it be a good thing. Thank you.”

“Well, nothing’s set in stone,” Curtis quickly rebuts. “But I’m interested in learning more about what kind of life I’d have here.”

“True. Very true,” Y/N nods her head. “I could give you a tour of places in the building you’d be allowed to visit but…but there is a catch.”

Curtis notes the nervousness in her scent and asks her what she means. She hesitates as she passes him another dish to rinse and he gently presses her to tell him.

“I…for safety, I…I have to give you a temporary mark,” she rushes out the last part. “I will absolutely understand if you’re not up for that. It’s a lot to ask of you. But it would be for your safety. You’d be an unknown, unclaimed Alpha and it just wouldn’t be safe or responsible of me to put you in potential danger. Or cause potential danger. Some of the other Alphas and Omegas might get territorial. I’m so sorry. Like I said, I’ll understand if it’s a step too far for you.”

Curtis holds her hand, “it’s also just a temporary mark, right? Those things fade after just a day or two and it doesn’t permanently seal me to you, right?”

“Right,” Y/N confirms. “But it can still be quite the show of trust and I don’t know if you’re ready for that.”

“Y/N,” Curtis sighs, “there’s not much in life that I’m certain of. But I am absolutely certain that you would never purposefully hurt me.” Y/N tears up and hugs Curtis tightly, whispering a thank you, as he cautiously, gently, returns the hug. He’s a little nervous because her height gives her access to the mating gland on his neck but he hopes all she smells is the sincerity of his words. He knows. His inner Alpha knows she would never hurt him.

Y/N breaks the hug and comments that she’ll give him a tour after they finish the dishes. 

Tagging @every-username-is-taken-damnit, per request.

--Part 6--

[rebelrebelwrites]

I’ve decided to resurrect…

Fic Friday! ❤️ Weekly Fic Recs

Years ago, I did this back in the Reylo fandom, but I’m bringing it back for the Saurondriel/Haladriel fandom because: A) I’m still obscenely obsessed B) I’m all about supporting creators and C) Since I’m not currently writing for this fandom, I want to contribute how I can. 😊

Let’s do it!

This week’s recs are…

As always, please mind the tags on any recommended story for your own personal reading preferences.

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The Classic You’ve Heard Of But Somehow Haven’t Read Yet: Across That Fine Line by @myrsinemezzo

What you need to know going in:

A post-S1 that’s got hype for great reason. After stealing the mithril and Fëanor’s hammer, Sauron spirits away to Mordor with Gal hot on his heels. Once they reunite, things get spicy — we’re talking banter, manipulation (on both sides), a devious and devoted Sauron who’s also terrified of falling too far in love (too late, bro), and a Gal who’s rightfully wary but wants to believe that there’s a way to thread the needle with him. As their journey progresses, so does the depth of their dynamic. Plus! Some awesome inclusions/characters from Tolkien lore. All in all, an absolute must-read.

WIP, Rated Explicit

Read the story.

Follow the author on Tumblr and on AO3.

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The AU You Need to Immerse Yourself In Because, Well, Wow: our souls were made from the stars by SilverWing12

What you need to know going in:

Oh gosh, where to even begin??? This lush, brilliant, meticulously measured slow burn of an AU is something I bask in every update. This story sees Mairon delayed in joining Melkor, and instead, he meets Galadriel in Valinor while she's still a child. Hundreds of years pass in which their friendship grows and grows, building to a point of mutual attraction and affection that is stifling in how well-realized and precarious it feels. The world-building, intentionality, pacing, characterization, and mounting pressure in this fic as Mairon falls deeper into darkness and Galadriel grows more suspicious (though both are clearly in love with each other) is simply luxurious.

WIP, Mature

Read the story.

Follow the author on AO3.

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The Complete But Never Forgotten Masterpiece: Queen of the Southlands by @formerlyir

What you need to know going in:

Gal doesn’t find out about Sauron’s deception for years, and as a result, she becomes his Queen. The post-S1 ensuing romance, angst, delicious tension and SCORCHING smut is sublime. Get ready for a delightfully unhinged, very devoted Sauron and a Gal who’s rightfully sharp, incredibly brave, and demands what she’s owed. This fic more than sticks the landing at the conclusion — it shreds it. In the absolute best way. I cheered, folks. Cheered.

Complete, Rated Explicit

Read the story.

Follow the author on Twitter, Instagram, on AO3.

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The WIP That Will Wreck You (In the Best Way): Litost by @demonscantgothere

What you need to know going in:

It’s no secret that this story, as with every other story I’ve read by Helholden, is wonderful — expect to see their work on this list a few times at least. That being said, I think Litost might be my favorite. It’s post-S1, but by many years, starting with Galadriel being captured and brought back to Numenor as a prisoner of Ar-Pharazôn and his new High Priest of the Cult of Melkor… wonder who that could be? 👀🙃 You guessed it, everyone’s favorite Dark Lord! The resulting twists and turns in this fic continue to surprise, and the angst and longing (on both sides) simmers. The dialogue between these two, when they really communicate, is stellar at getting at the heart of their every conflict. It will pierce you — and you’ll love it.

WIP, Rated Mature

Read the story.

Follow the author on Tumblr or AO3.

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The Can't Stop Consuming No Matter What Time It Is Fic: Instruments of Salvation by @scriberated

What you need to know going in:

It's Gal who gets hurt when Orodruin erupts, and as a result, Sauron must save her the only way he can — by forging a bond, all while she still believes he's Halbrand, rightful king of the Southlands. As with all of Scriberated's works, the writing is impeccable, the smut is steamy as all hell, and the characterization is 🤌🤌🤌. As Gal and Hal/Sauron's bond grows in strength, so does the pace at which you'll consume this tantalizing treat of a fic. Stop reading because it's bedtime? Doubtful.

WIP, Rated Explicit

Read the story.

Follow the author on Tumblr or AO3.

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🤩🤩🤩

Me at all these fics:

Don't see your story on this list yet? Keyword: yet. Please don't fret! I can only recommend so many each week, but I am always looking for more stuff to read, share, and generally shower with love, so please feel free to reply with your own fics or your personal faves. I have plenty more to recommend... ❤️

Until next week!

[demonicintegrity]

Got around to watching the new Helluva Boss and I’m pleasantly surprised at the turn around. Season two has had a wild flux in writing quality imo but I think this episode is arguably one of the strongest ones yet (outta both seasons.)

It also seems to be the longest episode so far, surprising considering it’s not a finale, but they make good use of the time.

Honestly a lot of the episode reminds me of how season one was set up. With a center clearly around Blitzø but still checking up on Stolas. And it’s very episodic and self contained again, which is great because that appears to be the crew’s strong spot.

Speaking of which, this is the first we’ve seen of Stolas since s2e4. I’m surprised it took until e6 of this season to circle back to him, but at least we’re not ignoring him. I personally would’ve at least teased how Stolas was doing after such a big blow, especially considering how the s2 is set up to be extremely focused on him and Blitzø’s relationship, but this works well too.

It works because we’re getting a little insight on Stolas’ frame of mind without causing pacing issues. He’s clearly recovered but focused on getting Blitzø out of his life again. He’s trying to distance himself from Blitzø still. Likely still in that “this was never going to work he doesn’t deserve to be tied to me” type mindset after the season opening.

But we see him briefly really appreciate what Ozzie and Fizz have. He seems genuinely happy for them, and likely is because Stolas has always been a hopeless romantic and a decent person despite things.

Speaking of Fizz, delightfully surprised out how his character is. I didn’t go in with anything specific in mind for him besides knowing he genuinely loved Ozzie but we have a really rounded out character with depth in a very short amount of time. I genuinely like his character.

(And someone’s made a separate post on this, but how Fizzy’s disability is treated is both done well and a bit of fresh air from the usual rep we see. He never denies that being disabled pained him greatly, but the tragedy in his past isn’t being disabled but being betrayed and heartbroken. Nor is he helpless because of it or overpowered because of his prosthetics. It’s not explicitly ignored I think the crew handled this really really well.)

But along with his character, my biggest interest is in how Fizz is now set up to be a foil to Blitzo. Like it's pretty obvs what he and Ozzie has is meant to parallel what Stolas/Blitzo could or even want to have. (Which in turn could mean Stolas/Blitzo is the kinda reputation Ozzie/Blitzo were trying so hard to avoid. A weird power dynamic and piss poor communication on top of the general perception those two have from outsiders.) They're in very similar boats but how each character addresses it that makes the circumstances so different.

And I think we have something really interesting being set up between Fizz and Blitzo. Both of them got enough closure for Fizz to genuinely want to let go some of the grudge. And I think theyre are some options on where to go with them, cuz I doubt this is the end of Fizz we're seeing.

I could see Fizz getting bored one day and reaching out in curiosity to see whats become of Blitz. Maybe the two can piece together the more correct timeline of events of the old circus since the fire. I can also see a potential plotline of Fizz getting I.M.P to be his bodyguards if he has to go out again for this or that reason.

I would also love more Ozzie and Stolas interacting. It would be good for Stolas to have Literally Just A Singular Friend. Cuz he doesnt seem to have any, and Ozzie doesn't seem to have anything personal against Stolas. He could probably be a good rational neutral voice for Stolas to bounce off of. He also just needs a friend if he ever wants a hope of his mental health improving. He seems to be trying to improve himself, but thats also the kinda thing you need a support system for.

Overall, I like this episode. The pacing and story itself was contained nicely and was a good watch. The humor stuck. And we have great leads to pick back up on later.

[cockypark]

a short sot k2 fic for @0-dear-rose-0! @spinthetags

word count: 1070

Kenny keeps her gloved hands folded neatly in her lap. She keeps her eyes trained on whoever speaks, occasionally sneaking glances at Kyle. He doesn’t even pretend to look invested. The respective councils of the Elven Kingdom and the Kingdom of Kupa Keep were already meeting for the third time to discuss the peace treaty. Cartman’s increasingly stupid demands would stretch the meetings out for another month, so Kyle gave up on listening early. Kenny admired his transparency. She was always concerned with appearances. Of course, when you’re king, no one is on your ass about posture.

Kyle’s eyes flit across the room out of boredom, meeting Kenny’s. She smiles subtly, an air of mischief on her face. She signals for him to look at Paladin Butters. He didn’t even notice he was speaking.

“King Eric’s next request is that imports and exports go through Kupa Keep’s customs before delivery.”

Kenny mouths “nosy bastard.” Kyle shakes his head with humor. He leans in and whispers in Stan's ear.

“King Kyle will honor that request if all imports and exports also go through our customs as well.”

Cartman’s eyes narrow. He nods once. Butters scribbles something down. “King Eric agrees.”

Kenny excitedly knocks the gavel on the marble block. “Both kingdoms will inspect imports and exports before delivery.” It was the only worthwhile part of these meetings. Cartman didn’t even want her there, but she couldn’t give him what he wanted. She claimed her birthright, and these meetings claimed her Sundays. “The penalty for failure to comply shall result in investigation and trial, as well as a temporary pause in imports and exports. So behave, boys.”

Kyle glances at her with affection. She winks, resettling her hands in her lap.

“The King’s next request,” Paladin Butters starts, “Is that the Stick of Truth be returned to its place in Kupa Keep.”

Kyle’s head snaps up. He frowns deeply. “The fuck? No.”

“King Kyle, I am disappointed to have to remind you that Kupa Keep is its historical resting place,” Cartman sneers. “I’m asking that we honor history.”

“Like hell you are!” Kyle fumes. “You want it where you have unlimited access to.”

“Through a show of hands, how many council members are in favor of honoring Wizard King Cartman’s request to keep the Stick of Truth at the Kingdom of Kupa Keep?” Stan asks.

Cartman and Butters raise their hands. The king looks displeased. “Kenny, what the hell?”

“I hate to remind you, King Eric, that the McCormick family are the actual historical holders of the Stick. It is a moot point.”

Cartman scoffs. Kenny rolls her eyes in Kyle’s direction. He’s delightfully surprised at her lack of vote. She was playing more transparent in return.

“In that case, I want the council to be aware of the fuck-me eyes Kenny and Kyle are exchanging!” Cartman exclaims.

Kenny presses her hand to her chest in feigned shock. She knocks the gavel again. “Alright! I call for a recess! Paladin, I advise that you have a talk with the King.”

Butters’ shoulders deflate. “Ken, are you serious? Can’t we just-?”

“No!” Kenny interrupts. “The councils ruled all parties remain calm and composed. King Eric’s outburst is grounds for a recess. If he does not comply, I have no choice but to-”

“Don’t even say it, Kenny,” Cartman spits. He scrapes his chair across the floor while he stands. “Butters, let’s go.”

Butters side-eyes Kenny before joining the king. Kenny princess waves goodbye.

Kyle watches Kenny exhale and lean back in her seat. She throws a crooked grin his way. “Brief recess.”

-

“The resting place for the Stick is a nonnegotiable,” Wendy says. “So to satisfy Cartman, you’ll have to compromise on something else big.”

Kyle sighs. “That’s not fair, though. He shouldn’t have suggested that to begin with.”

“No one disagrees with that, Kyle. But the peace of the Elven Kingdom depends on it. It’s best we reassess a previous decision. If we tell him we’re throwing a bone, his requests are just going to become more obscure.”

“Right.” He hates this diplomatic bullshit.

Wendy and Stan exchange a look. “Kyle, we have been… concerned with your behavior.”

Kyle bristles. “What do you mean?”

“You’re appearing inattentive,” Wendy explains.

“And distracted,” Stan adds. “Dude, you and Kenny should do whatever it is and get it over with, instead of letting it impact the treaty.”

“‘Whatever it is’?”

Stan cringes. “I meant, you know… Fulfill your intentions or move on?” He looks to Wendy for support. She just shakes her head solemnly. He messed up.

Kyle pushes himself away from the table. “Tell that to Cartman, who isn’t even pretending to take this seriously. What do you think this is for?”

He leaves Wendy and Stan dead silent in the tent.

-

Kenny rolls and stuffs a cigarette into her ring holder. She lights it and takes a long drag. Her lipstick leaves a smudge on the paper. As she exhales the large cloud, Kyle appears before her. He waves through the cloud. She smiles.

“How did I just know you’d come find me?” She teases.

He sits next to her on the stone border. “Part of a king’s job is to keep the princess happy.”

“I would be a lot happier if this would move along.”

Kyle gapes at her. “You called the recess!”

She leans closer to him. “I wanted to see you.” She rests her hand on his. “Wendy and Stan are mad at you, aren’t they?”

“Other way around. The whole thing is going in circles.”

Kenny kisses his hand supportively. He leans into her, kissing her lips in return. In just a few months, everything would be right.

“Recess over?” Kyle asks. He has much more energy to argue with Cartman now.

Kenny grins wide. “Let’s get him.”

-

Kenny watches the ground the carriage treads over. When she was Elven Queen, she would put flowers all over here. Business meetings didn’t have to be boring and colorless. No, everything she owned would have her own touch. No one could tell her differently.

Her eyes naturally direct towards Eric, traveling separately from her and Butters. It would be a shame if something bad happened that way.

“Princess,” Butters says. “Were you and Kyle really… flirting?”

Kenny looks at him with curiosity. She liked Butters. He would stay an important pillar in her kingdom. Someone she could rely on. “Of course.”

~

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