#‘he didn’t claim to be nonbinary!!’ and? AND? queen I don’t care

[thebadchoicemachine]

Might be a hot take but i really don’t care that that cis guy got stylized top surgery scar tattoos. Congrats to cis people who f w/ their gender. Yeah even if it’s a fetish thing, idgaf when someone gets an implant or safely loses/gains weight to feel sexy.

I have real problems. Girl, the government.

[reinerispretty]

rotations. (zuko x f!reader) pt24

GOOD EVENING GUYS GALS AND NONBINARY PALS!!!!! i hope u are having a good day. :) 

pt1

pt23

pt25

(Y/N) stormed down through the palace, her dress billowing behind her as she walked. The stone cold look on her face alerted the servants that she was on a war path and it was best to leave her alone. Whatever the Fire Lord had gotten himself into, he surely deserved it. 

It was relatively early in the morning when (Y/N) opened her bedroom door to find Ursa holding a sleepy Kiyi in her arms. The previous Fire Queen gave her a stressed smile. “Noren and I wanted to go out into town today. Do you think you could watch her?” (Y/N) nodded quickly. 

“Of course! Today’s my day off.” She bent down so she was eye level with the little girl. “Do you want to have fun with me today, Kiyi?” The little girl sheepishly turned into her mother’s neck. 

“She’ll warm up to you,” Ursa promised, before handing her daughter to (Y/N). “Thank you so much, (Y/N).” She smiled. 

“Anything for you.” Kiyi squirmed in her arms as Ursa walked away, obviously very uncomfortable with being left alone with her. (Y/N) set her on the ground and took her hand. 

“Would you like to go see the turtle ducks?” Kiyi looked up at her and nodded eagerly. They walked to the pond and one of the servants gave them grapes to feed to the animals. She and Kiyi took turns throwing their grapes in. The little girl gave a small giggle every time a turtle duck ate her grape. 

“What would you like to do next?” (Y/N) asked once they had finished feeding the turtle ducks. Kiyi put a tiny finger on her chin and looked up at the sky as she thought. 

“Dolls!” She exclaimed. (Y/N) picked her back up and they walked into the palace and to Kiyi’s room. Zuko had ensured that his little sister would be absolutely comfortable while she stayed in the palace, so he had her pick all of the toys she liked from in town and brought them back into her room. She was incredibly spoiled, but she was so sweet that she deserved it. 

(Y/N) sat on the floor with Kiyi and played dolls with her. She couldn’t remember playing with dolls in her own childhood. She had received them as gifts, but her mother would put them in a case, claiming that they were too pretty to be played with. Azula had been her only other friend beside Zuko, and neither were very interested in playing with dolls. 

“There you are,” Zuko said as he poked his head into the room. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” 

“Zuzu!” Kiyi cheered, standing up and running over to her brother. She hugged his legs. 

“Kiyi!” Zuko cheered back, picking her up and taking her into his arms. (Y/N) smiled at the sight. “What have you and (Y/N) been up to?” 

“Dolls!” She turned herself to point at the toys. 

“And we fed the turtle ducks,” (Y/N) stood to join the two. “And now it’s time for a nap, I think!” 

“No!” Kiyi groaned, flopping over in Zuko’s arms. He started tickling her, causing her to erupt into giggles. He tossed her into (Y/N’s) arms, who tossed her gently into bed. 

“I’ll read you a story and then you gotta go to sleep, okay?” Kiyi gave a small sigh and nodded. Zuko leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead. 

“We’ll have extra fruit tarts for dessert if you take your nap,” He whispered. The smile on her face was wide and bright and it absolutely melted (Y/N’s) heart. “I’ll see you later,” Zuko said to (Y/N) before leaving the room. She knelt by Kiyi’s bed and began reading her the story about the first firebenders. 

As Kiyi fell asleep, a servant knocked at the door. (Y/N) got up quickly and rushed outside so that Kiyi wouldn’t wake up. She smiled pleasantly at the servant. “Can I help you?” 

“This came for you today,” The woman said as she handed her a scroll. (Y/N) gave her an approving nod to dismiss her. 

As she read, she clenched the paper in her hands. Ren had written her a goodbye letter that stated that Zuko had banished him and his father from the Fire Nation. “I think I made him jealous,” Ren wrote, “Because I was taking your time away from him.” (Y/N) tried her best to hold in the hot, angry tears that formed as she read his letter. 

(Y/N) missed Katara a lot. Throughout their adventures together, Katara had become her best friend and the person she told absolutely everything to. Every hope, every dream, everything she ever felt seemed to flow out of her mouth and straight to Katara. Their relationship wasn’t one-sided either. (Y/N) was the first person from the Fire Nation that Katara had ever liked. She showed her that not everyone should be held accountable for the decisions of their nation. The two girls grew up in completely different lives, but their bond was strong. She hadn’t seen Katara in a few months, which was the longest span of time they had gone without seeing each other. Today, (Y/N) felt that she really needed Katara, or else she might kill Zuko. 

She crumpled the note in her hands and threw it down the hall. Katara would tell her to get both sides of the story before making any rash decisions. But Katara, unfortunately, wasn’t there. 

(Y/N) stormed down through the palace, her dress billowing behind her as she walked. The stone cold look on her face alerted the servants that she was on a war path and it was best to leave her alone. Whatever the Fire Lord had gotten himself into, he surely deserved it. 

As she walked up to the doors of the throne room, the guards stationed out front held a hand up to stop her. “You must request an audience before speaking with the Fire Lord,” one guard said. (Y/N) squinted her eyes up at the guard. She hated using her position as leverage against people, but she had no choice at the moment. 

“I’m (Y/N), Fire Lord Zuko’s most trusted advisor. I need to speak to him immediately.” 

“But--” The other guard said. (Y/N) whirled to face him. 

“What do you think the Fire Lord would say if he knew you delayed me?” The guards looked at each other before parting to let her through the doors.

Zuko sat on his throne, drinking a steaming cup of tea. He smiled when he say her. 

“Oh, hi.” (Y/N) stared at Zuko, crossing her arms over her chest and glowering up at him. 

“Do you have anything you want to tell me?” She demanded. Zuko opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him. “You had no right to banish Ren and his father the way you did. And for what reason? Were you upset that I was paying more attention to him than I was to you?” 

“That’s not it.” 

“Why, Zuko? Why throw him out? What did he do to you?” 

“He didn’t do anything to me--” 

“Then tell me why you banished him!” She shouted. She could feel the fire building inside of her. Her body was itching to release it. She couldn’t understand why Zuko would do this to her. She had seen him be jealous before, but she never thought he would be capable of hurting her like this. 

“Because he was using you!” Zuko yelled. The flames at his side soared to the ceiling. Their force blew a blast of hot air into (Y/N’s) face. “He was planning to gain your trust so that he could use you to get to me.” 

She shook her head furiously. “You’re lying. He wouldn’t do that.” Zuko stood and walked down the steps to get closer to her.

“He was doing it! The whole reason he even befriended you in the first place was so that you could help sway my decisions in their favor.” His statement felt like a stab in the heart to (Y/N). She didn’t want to believe him. She didn’t want to believe that the person she had opened up to so easily was just using her the entire time. 

Her eyes welled with tears. “You’re wrong!” 

“Fine! Believe the Earth Kingdom boy over me, see if I care. You can join him if you’d like.” Zuko turned around to walk back to his throne, but stopped as soon as he heard her sobs. When he looked back at her, her face was buried in her hands. She tried her hardest to suppress her cries, but it was no use. (Y/N) knew Zuko was telling the truth. She knew Zuko like she knew herself. He had never lied to her before and would have no reason to start now. But his honesty hurt. (Y/N) had told Ren things that she had only ever told those closest to her. To think that he was only using her to further his own political advantages broke her heart. The feeling of being used was new, but she hated it. 

“Hey,” Zuko said softly, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t actually want you to leave. I just got upset.” She continued to cry, so he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Sit with me.” He led her up the steps to his throne and sat her down. He was right at her side, pouring her a cup of tea. 

She finally calmed down enough to speak. Her body still shook with leftover sobs, but she tried her best to contain them. “I can’t believe I couldn’t tell.” 

“He was a pretty good actor.” 

“You saw right through him.” She turned to Zuko. Her eyes were still shiny with tears. “When you first met him. How’d you know?” 

“I thought he was a little too confident for someone standing in the presence of the Fire Lord.” (Y/N) rolled her eyes. “I’m serious! He was too bold. I saw your face when he called himself your boyfriend. I knew something had to be up.” 

(Y/N) sipped her tea slowly. It wasn’t as good as Iroh’s, but it would do. “Why would he use me?” 

“He probably read up on us and knew how close we are.” 

“Yeah, but I can’t even convince you to get out of bed on time. What made him think that I could force a political agenda on you?” 

“(Y/N), if you asked me to move a volcano for you, I’d figure out how to do it.” 

“That’s too easy,” She said with a smile. “All you’d need are earth and firebenders.” Zuko rolled his eyes. 

“You get the point. I’d do absolutely anything for you. He figured that out.” 

(Y/N) stared at Zuko for a long time. She had memorized practically every inch of his face. From his amber eyes to the deep red color of his scar, Zuko was etched into her mind like a stone carving. Ren was the distraction that she had needed to keep her mind off of Zuko. But he was gone now, and so she had nothing to keep her from pining for him. 

“I think maybe I should take a vacation,” She said quietly, turning back to stare at her cup. “A few weeks or something. I could stay with Katara or Toph. Probably Katara, because I don’t think Toph has any beds.” 

“If that’s what you want,” Zuko said. A sad smile graced his features. 

“You could invite Mai to stay in the palace while I’m gone, so you don’t get so lonely.” Zuko turned away. “What? What’s wrong?” 

“Mai and I aren’t together anymore. We haven’t been since before I found my mother.” 

“You didn’t tell me that.” 

“You and I hadn’t exactly been the best of friends before I left.” (Y/N) frowned. So he had noticed her distance. He was quiet for a few moments, and then asked, “I thought things were going well for us. Then it was like you were pushing me away.” 

“I’m sorry,” She whispered. “I just couldn’t handle it.”

“Handle what? Me being me Fire Lord?” She shook her head. “Being back here?” 

“No, it’s not that at all.” She felt her mouth become dry all of a sudden. She should do it. She should just tell him everything. 

“I couldn’t handle being around you and Mai.” 

“Me and Mai? Why?” 

“Do I have to lay it all out for you?” She felt hot. The room was big, but she felt so confined. “I love you, Zuko. I loved you when were kids, I loved you when we were enemies, and I loved you when you were dating Mai. So that’s why I couldn’t be around the two of you.” 

(Y/N) could feel Zuko’s eyes on her, but she refused to look at him. The silence only increased the embarrassment of the moment for her. She felt like running away. 

“You’re an idiot.” (Y/N) whirled to stare at him, her mouth open in shock. 

“Excuse me?” 

“How was I supposed to know that’s how you felt if you never told me?” 

“I thought it was pretty obvious.” 

“No, it wasn’t! You’re not the open book you think you are. You literally fought me in an Agni Kai, how was I supposed to know you loved me?” 

“I saved your life!” 

“You saved lives like every day! How was I supposed to be different?” (Y/N) opened her mouth to speak, but immediately closed it. Perhaps he was right. She hadn’t really given him any indication of how she felt about him. She huffed and crossed her arms, turning away from him. 

Zuko put his hand on her cheek, turning her head to look back at him. He stroked his cheek with her thumb. She closed her eyes tightly to brace herself for the impending rejection. 

Instead, ever so softly, she felt Zuko’s lips press to hers. Her fingers wrapped around the fabric of his robes, trying to pull him closer but not quite sure if she should hold back. 

When they pulled away, (Y/N) opened her eyes quickly, searching Zuko’s face for any sign of remorse. Instead, he smiled at her. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” 

“Why didn’t you?” 

“Well, you’re kind of scary.” (Y/N) giggled. “And I thought that after everything that happened, there would be no way for me to have a chance with you.” Zuko kissed her forehead, each of her cheeks, and then her nose. (Y/N) couldn’t help the smile that took over her face. “I love you, (Y/N). Always have, always will.” 

She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath. So many terrible things had happened to them during their lives. But in this moment, if she had to relive it all over again, (Y/N) wouldn’t change anything. 

[rittz]

thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans. 

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

[writerice]

Honestly, South Park is a really good show. Anyone who calls it racist today, fundamentally misunderstood why it makes of fun of busybodies, as well as why remaining chilled, calm and cool is actually a good thing. People complain a lot that South Park is a show where uncaring is cool, and where people who care too much are the butts of jokes. Now, I never want to do this- I don’t want to deny someone else their perspective- But these opinions are built on shaky premises, and misses the mark.   First lets start with Eric Cartman, who is recognized as the source of a lot of the bigotted comedy in the show. Eric Cartman, ever since the first season, had almost always been put in the role of an antagonist/ that one drama queen who no one wants to get involved with. He finds ways to manipulate situations if it’ll mean he’ll receive something out of it, and is a self-centered person to the extreme. When he says bigotted things, we’re supposed to find him disagreeable and hateful, and his being funny will never make what he says to be okay. We’re also supposed to feel refreshened whenever Stan and Kyle immediately admonish him for being a dick, which is also funny, because holy shit, not only do we have a child spouting antisemitic bullshit, but we have children who will actively tell their peer to fuck off! Its wonderous. This is WHY South Park was so fascinating to begin with; Before South Park, there was never a seriously funny depiction of kids using realistic adult profanity while having childlike discussions on topics that were considered political.  Now lets move onto Stan and Kyle: These two are clearly shown to be awesome and cool kids who just want to have fun and enjoy their lives. They don’t want to be roped into things that adults tell them that they’re supposed to be worried about. They’re kids, they live in the present. They live uncomplicated lives, as any 8-year old should, unless its something they’re interested in, like an adventure involving other kids from their class (anyone remember them capturing a paper fortune teller from the girls?). They don’t force themselves to care about things. They understand from a young age that ungenuine about causes can be harmful, and a waste of time and energy. 

When they DO genuinely care about things, we have cool and rich plots emerge that are related to our understanding of them as characters- Stan has successfully helped save the lives of veal up for slaughter, as well as whales. Kyle navigates his Jewish faith and identity while being one of the most compassionate human beings on television. Even better than that, these boys arent’ even particularily strongly identified. Stan isn’t that “animal rights activist”, and Kyle isn’t that “humanitarian child”, they’re flexible and dimensional characters. They have their moments where they’re just being kids and are relaxing and having fun like normal, as opposed to brooding over shit that they can’t control. It seemed like South Park had an accurate depiction of what a healthy attachment to identity/cause actually looked like, WAY beyond this era of neuroticism where people are encouraged box themselves.

It says a lot of sad things about children nowadays, too. Children in the current generation are pushed harder than in prior generations in being perfect students, with mandatory volunteer work pushed onto them and being told that they need to develop their life’s passion in time for college plans. Some of them get pushed into becoming esports stars or child Youtubers by their parents. When do they even have the chance to be children anymore? 

Now, onto the adults of the show: The adults are always screwing things up. They want to ride on causes that they aren’t truly aware of. 

They are their own society’s disruptors; They often neglect to critically examine whether their call for action and change are justified. They don’t check to see whether their actions are necessary, or if their methods are reasonable. Sometimes, their actions create more damage than if they didn’t do anything at all! And this is why we mock them- Not “for caring”, but because they’re busy bodies; Their motivation to act or call for change comes less from wanting to affect meaningful change within their society, and comes more out of a vague desire to want to “better themselves”. 

Its the type of selfishness that we don’t really speak enough about in our current society as we should be- How people get intertwined into causes they aren’t truly thoughtful enough about, because they’re just encouraged to get passionate about “anything” that moves them, or “anything that seems worthwhile”.

And this is both stupid, as well as dangerous, because you want people to be mindful about what the real affect of their “help” is. Some things that people do in the name of “help” either don’t help the people it’s intended to help (the only poor family in South Park, the Mc Cormicks, get a single can of vegetables on Thanksgiving via a gameshow-like contraption, and they don’t even get a can-opener for it), or make matters worse for those it claims to help (Like Bono claiming that Timmy playing in a band was akin to mocking his disability).  People can, and should be encouraged to help make a difference, but you don’t want a culture where you keep pushing people to change things for the vague reasoning of “being a good person”. You want people who are informed, aware, are capable of critical thinking, and who can tell when and where their efforts are actually needed. 

Also, this is extremely important: But South Park is, like literally everything ever, a product of it’s time. This show was made during the 1990′s to early or late 2000′s, when things like media activist groups existed to police and censor stuff for people because of those things being deemed “insensitive”. This was before the internet was fully used on the scale it is today, so people were being limited from being able to watch/read/play or otherwise access media based purely on stupid, petty shitty reasons.

Like not allowing children to enjoy Canadian television because farting or using cusswords is “too offensive”, where you were dealing with Karens who had way too much power and time to spend. It meant telling Karens/Boomers relax and not to deprive other people of their ability to express themselves just because they didn’t think their interests were “appropriate”. Totally a different thing than when we talk about the generalized concept of sensitivity today, when we’re refering to how human beings are made to feel as based on their identity. 

Kyle’s lectures at the end of an episode are meaningful- It doesn’t exist to “undo” any offensiveness in an episode. He’s a voice of reason who brings together the social commentary. I don’t see why anyone would ever have a problem with it. Is it obvious and easy? Yes. Does it put a nice cap on the end of an episode to return everything to status quo in time for the next one? Yes. I loved it. I thought it made for a comfortable, easy viewing experience. It may be considered formulaic, but thats how they made the end of an otherwise edgy episode feel wholesome, or depart a message of value.

Its easy to see this as an “attack on caring”, if you’re applying it directly to today’s movements and stuff, but that requires a lot of willful ignorance, and an even greater lack of understanding the context the show was made in. We all have access to wikipedia, no one has an excuse. 

TL;DR, it didn’t “age badly”. It was extremely relevant for its time. Context matters, and this show was perfect for the context of it’s time. The creators are doing their best to address current modern day topics with new story-telling, so maybe look to the present and be amazed by how much they’ve decided to change in those regards instead of repeatedly making everyone who grew up with the show feel old. Sincerely, a nonbinary pansexual liberal woman of color who just wants to enjoy South Park as the greatest still-running animated satire ever, thank you

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Sixty One

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

December 14th, 2020

Roman turned his head to look at the guy behind him in his math class. It looked like Ryan was wearing nail polish, but he couldn’t be...could he? Was wearing nail polish something Ryan liked to do? Was Ryan secretly in the closet and he hadn’t told anyone he was actually a woman, or nonbinary? Was this his way of coming out?

After class that day, Roman quietly asked Ryan about the nail polish. “Oh, yeah!” Ryan said, glancing at his nails. “I almost forgot I had it on. I went to a punk rock concert last night, and to get into it I painted my nails black. I think it’s pretty cool!”

“Aren’t you worried people will think you’re, you know, a girl?” Roman asked.

“Nah,” Ryan shrugged off. “Guys can wear nail polish too. It’s just a little less common. See you later!”

And as Ryan walked off to his next class, Roman was left stunned and scratching his head.

March 27th, 2021

Roman was mentally and physically exhausted as Dee wrapped up his game that he had been playing, with Roman acting out the part of the evil Dragon Witch. Honestly, Roman loved Dee, but he could be exhausting if Roman wasn’t careful and didn’t watch what he was doing. And he certainly didn’t watch what he was doing today.

Dee thanked Roman for playing, before running off to do whatever he wanted to do next, and Roman flopped face-first into the couch in the basement. He groaned when he heard slightly hesitant footsteps approach not thirty seconds later. That meant it was either Virgil, or... “Roman?” Patton asked.

Roman just groaned in response. He really was not up for this today, not that he had much of a choice. Patton would probably want to play something equally as draining, and Roman had difficulties ever saying no to Patton. He turned his head to look at them. “You good, Pat?” Roman asked.

“I should be asking you that,” Patton retorted. “You’re the one who played with Dee for forty five minutes straight.”

“Yeah,” Roman sighed, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “That was probably a mistake, but seeing him happy was worth it.”

Patton smiled at him. “You’re a good older brother. A great older brother,” they corrected themselves.

“Do you want something? Or are you just trying to genuinely compliment me instead of buttering me up?” Roman asked with a sigh. “I’m just...really tired right now, Pat. I’m not up for much.”

“Oh,” Patton said. “I was wondering if you’d want to help me with makeup at all. You know that Dad and Ami got me a little makeup bag with some stuff inside it for my birthday, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to help me try some of it. I know how to use lipstick, but I have no idea what the other stuff should do.”

Roman sighed. That sounded like fun, and he didn’t want to say no to Patton, but he was genuinely exhausted. “I don’t know if I’m up for that right now, Pat. Though, if you want, maybe we could do each others’ nails?”

Patton’s whole face lit up. “Do you mean that?” they asked.

“Yeah,” Roman said. “So long as you use the bright red nail polish, I’m great with it.”

“Cool!” Patton exclaimed. That was another gift they got on their birthday—a few small bottles of nail polish. “Can we do it now, or do you want to nap for a little bit?”

“Eh, naps are kinda unhealthy after a certain time, and I’d be waking up at three in the afternoon if I fell asleep now. But I’d be so groggy I’d probably go right back to sleep,” Roman said, standing up and stretching.

Patton cocked their head to the side. “Isn’t it one in the afternoon?”

“Yup,” Roman agreed.

They went upstairs together, and nearly got run over by Vanellope and Dee rushing down the hall. “Dee, slow down!” Roman called.

“Never!” Dee called back. He had been talking bit by bit at home, claiming that so long as no one took any accidental tone as what he meant to say, that he’d feel comfortable using his voice. And he had used it more often when someone asked him for something but they couldn’t see him signing.

Roman shook his head and walked with Patton up another flight of stairs to their room, and Patton immediately went to their dresser, grabbing the red and the yellow bottles of nail polish. “Ooh, feeling cheery, are we?” Roman asked.

“I want to try the yellow out,” Patton said with a shrug. “Besides, it’s nice and bright and Dee might like it.”

Roman shook his head playfully. “One day, Patton, you’re going to paint your nails full rainbow, aren’t you?”

“Probably,” Patton agreed, getting on their bed. “Do you want me to do your hands or your toes?”

“Hands, please,” Roman requested, also sitting on the bed.

They sat in silence for a minute, not really needing to say anything, or having anything they wanted to say. Then, Patton idly said, “I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a crush.”

“Never?” Roman asked. “Not once?”

Patton shook their head. “Nope. I’m not really sure I want one, either. Romance is weird, and like, it’s okay if other people want to do it, but I’ve never found someone who I really want to do romantic stuff with. Is there a word for that?”

“Aromantic,” Roman said, letting Patton wave their hand a little bit over Roman’s fingers. “You could always be aromantic.”

“Huh,” Patton said. “What if I thought that I could maybe date someone, but like, only if I knew them really well? Like, I wouldn’t wanna date anyone I just saw on the street, that seems kinda weird. But I could see myself dating a friend, if they were okay with it.”

“That would be demiromantic, then,” Roman informed Patton.

“Oh!” Patton looked briefly surprised. “Okay. I didn’t know there was a word for that.”

Roman waited for Patton to say something else, but he didn’t. “That’s it?” Roman asked.

“That’s it,” Patton said, glancing up at Roman in their nail painting. “I’m demiromantic, until proven otherwise, I guess. Not a big deal, is it?”

“I mean, no, not if you don’t want to make it one,” Roman said. “I just thought you might...want to make it one.”

“Nah,” Patton said. “I don’t care too much about my gender, why should I care about who I love when I don’t have someone to love at the moment?”

“Fair enough, I guess,” Roman said, frowning. “I’m just...surprised.”

Patton grinned. “What, that the metaphorical heart of the family can’t be the heart when it comes to love?”

“Not what I meant!” Roman exclaimed. “I don’t want to push you into that specific category if you don’t want to be there. And there’s more to love than romance, you of all people should know that.”

“Yeah, I do,” they said with a cheeky grin. “I was just trying to tease.”

Roman narrowed his eyes and said, “As soon as my nails are dry, I will tickle you relentlessly.”

Patton laughed. “Good luck with that!”

“You know I can outrun you,” Roman warned.

“Yeah, but if I tickle you back, you stop your tickling and collapse into a useless heap,” Patton pointed out. “And I know all your weak spots.”

Roman’s jaw dropped. “Is that a challenge, my dear sibling?”

Patton’s grin grew mischievous. “And if it is?” they asked.

“Well, I would say that you’re in for a rude awakening!” Roman laughed.

Patton giggled and shook their head, continuing to paint Roman’s nails. When they had finished the last pinkie, they put the bottle of red nail polish on their nightstand, and offered the yellow one to Roman. “Can you do mine now?” they asked. “While your nails dry?”

“Sure,” Roman agreed, twisting the cap off and beginning to paint Patton’s nails. He was wracking his brain for something to say. “So, what’s it like being nonbinary?”

Patton shrugged. “Why do you ask?” they replied.

“I’m just curious,” Roman said. “Because there’s rejecting societal norms and gender conformity, and then there’s actually living outside the binary. Logan has told me a little about what it’s like swapping places on the binary, but I was wondering what it’s like outside it.”

“It’s...definitely interesting,” Patton said. “There’s not really one way to show that you’re nonbinary, you know? There’s no one size, or no one presentation, that will make people look at you and go, ‘Oh, they’re clearly nonbinary.’ A lot of people haven’t even heard of the term before. And you can dress vaguely masculine but have androgynous features and people may wonder, ‘Are they a boy or a girl?’ but they never ask if the person is nonbinary. Besides, not all nonbinary people want to present as vaguely masculine.”

“And if you dress at all feminine people assume you’re a trans girl or in drag, is that true?” Roman asked.

“I dunno about drag, because I’m only ten. There aren’t really drag queens my age, you know?” Patton laughed. “But yeah, people have asked me if I’m a boy or a girl, and the mean ones have asked it with a sneer or used the word ‘transgender’ like it’s a slur. It’s...it’s frustrating sometimes, but more often than not it’s just tiring. Why can’t I be allowed to just be myself, and not put a label on it? Sure, nonbinary is a good label, but if there could be no labels at all, it would be nice. I know some people feel better with labels, but I...don’t, usually. It’s nice when there’s a word for something like demiromantic, so I know I’m not alone, but if I have to use the label to explain why I’m not interested in someone, it’s just...yucky, you know?”

“Yeah, you don’t want to be forced into a box, you want to be in that box because you choose to be,” Roman agreed, finishing one of Patton’s hands. “I completely understand that.”

Patton hummed their agreement. “I’m super glad you understand,” they said softly. “Because sometimes it feels like others don’t. They don’t like being pushed into boxes because they’re the wrong boxes. Ami’s genderfluid. Logan’s a guy. I just...don’t like being put in any boxes. All the boxes are wrong.”

Roman nodded. That sounded really difficult, and he wished that Patton didn’t have to deal with that. His little sibling deserved better than those who insisted everyone be placed in a box. “Anything in particular you want to do after our nails have dried?” he asked.

“Nah,” Patton said. “Maybe we could just relax on your bed for a bit, or read downstairs, but I don’t want to do anything super high-energy today.”

“Oh, good, because I don’t want to either,” Roman sighed. “I’m exhausted.”

“I could tell,” Patton said, their grin just a little too big for Roman’s liking. “You never pace yourself when it comes to doing stuff with me, Virgil, or Dee. You’re a big softie when it comes to us.”

“Am not!” Roman protested. “I treat all of the family equally!”

“Then why don’t you do the same to Logan?” Patton challenged.

“Because he can be a jerk and we argue more than we get along,” Roman said.

“When anyone else is around,” Patton said. “Logan has told me that the two of you get along better without supervision. You act like mature adults who can handle problems on their own. But not if anyone else is around. You like putting up a front, but the two of you love each other.”

“Don’t tell anyone!” Roman hissed. “I have a reputation to protect, come on, Pat!”

Patton giggled and shook their head. “Come on, everyone knows that you two love each other, it’s not some government secret or anything.”

“Well, yeah, but it doesn’t need to be pulled into the open for inspection either!” Roman protested. “Seriously, Pat. It’s something that Logan and I share when we have time alone. If everyone knows that we’re civil alone, then someone will say they expect us to be civil all the time, and that will lead to actual arguments, not just arguing over who used the last of the eggs to make breakfast, or who stole who’s sweatshirt.”

“Okay, okay, okay, I won’t tell,” Patton promised. “I don’t see the big deal about having to be civil, though. Virgil and I get along almost all the time, whether other people are around or not.”

“Well, that’s different,” Roman said. “Because you don’t have the reputation of being a ‘Type A’ personality. People expect us to clash. If we don’t, they’ll get suspicious, and if people are scared of us getting along, they might spread rumors that would make us fight for real, and not want to talk anymore.”

“People would do that?” Patton asked, wrinkling their nose.

“Yup,” Roman said, finishing Patton’s second hand of nail polish. He put the bottle on the nightstand and sighed. “People are dumb sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Patton agreed. “Good thing we’re not just ‘people’ to each other, then, right?”

“I guess so,” Roman said with a smile.

[terramythos]

Notes from my October Daye reread, #7 Chimes At Midnight. Or, "don't eat evil pie if you're planning to overthrow the government". Advanced spoilers, please read the books, etc. 

Reminder right off the bat that sweet fashion disaster May used to be an eldritch horror of the night???

-the month name in her case seems to be a coincidence? (But like. How could a name like May Daye be a coincidence. Come the fuck on.)

-Goblin fruit is super yikes. Super addictive drug that inevitably leads to death?

- Tybalt and Toby domestic shit hell yeah

Tybalt: arrested for being horny on main

- Toby: let's visit the Queen, who demonstrably hates me, about the goblin fruit problem. What could possibly go wrong (spoiler: a whole lot)

-"i may be a composite of multiple dead people, but I'm not stupid" May is nonbinary, pass the fucking tea

-The Gang Overthrows the Queen

Quentin is such a good kid! Fuck!

-I just... love the characters and how they've developed over the series. Quentin is great, Tybalt is great, The Luidaeg is great... October has changed into a more open and less depressed person. It's great! I mean, everything goes to shit over the next 2 books, but we've come so far!

-Quentin getting extremely upset that The High King didn't notice the Queen didn't have a legitimate claim to the throne? Haha. Haha. *takes another shot*

-Quentin: we could just like... TELL the High King that shes not a legitimate ruler. Like we literally could just call him up and say--

Toby: he would probably kill us and how would we do that anyway

Quentin: *silently screaming*

Have I mentioned I LOVE the Luidaeg? Shes such a great character.

-the implication that tybalt's archaic speech is at least partially just to fuck with Toby is so fuckign funny god they're so cute

GOD...

-Quentin not quite bowing to Arden, or at least not as formally as the others. That's foreshadowing. God damn it.

- The Undersea: is relevant

Me: wow I knew we introduced all that lore 2 books ago for a reason

- "Princesses aren't exciting. I've met Princesses." I am so glad I am not ACTUALLY drinking every time Quentin's identity is foreshadowed, because this book alone would have killed me by now.

- everything: goes to shit

Me: ah, there it is

- Toby becoming instantly addicted to goblin fruit and forgetting 2 of the most important people in her life has me at a severe oof. :(

- fucking props to seanan for making pie legitimately threatening.

- October Daye patch 7.1 notes: due to balance concerns, toby has been shifted back to more human.

Gameplay effects: hair is brown again. blood magic effects and self-healing have been reduced by 75%. Iron resistance increased 75%.

-Theres a line about how Tybalt should have known better than to believe anything could have gone right for very long and. Yikes in context. Yikes with knowing Tybalt's backstory.

- fun lore with the Luidaeg offering to turn Toby into a Selkie to save her from impending death. Being like... technically the Selkie Firstborn. And how much doing that would actually cost. It's certainly something to file away for later because I don't imagine we would introduce a concept like that and then abandon it...

-SUDDEN HEAVY SETUP FOR BOOK 8 STUFF. SUDDEN BOOK 1 BEING RELEVANT. Why did Evening, some random noble, have a fucking ancient powerful artifact just kinda... randomly in her possession? INDEED.

- toby: Why does the name Eira Rosenhwyr sound so familiar?

Mags: Oh she's a Firstborn

Toby: Right, that definitely explains it one hundred percent. Time to not think about it at all ever again.

- TOBY I'm aware you're kind of out of your mind right now but surely you can see the aesthetic similarity between EIRA ROSENHWYR and EVENING WINTERROSE. Ajdjenskkelbsbd

- I fucking googled it and Eira Rosenhwyr translates roughly to "Snow Rose Evening" lmfao

- Mags, continuing exposition: yeah she always had this Snow White thing where like she never stayed dead for long

Me, considering book 1's central conflict and how Evening was described multiple times as Snow White: 🙃

- I really appreciate the fact that whenever Walther shows up in a book he pretty much saves the day in a major way just by making like. A potion

- toby: magic is weird. Candy made from my blood that temporarily curbs the effects of addiction? Right

Walther: you're dating a cat

-I forgot we learn The Luidaeg's actual name in this one???? "Yeah I'm Antigone what up"

-OH THATS WHERE THE "ANNIE" PSEUDONYM COMES FROM. God damn it.

-God I love Danny and his godawful expletives "Oberon's scrotum". God

- I haven't mentioned it too much but there are soooooo many good tybalt and toby moments. They have such a good and loving relationship. Boy I die

-there's a bit where Toby consumes some of the Luidaeg's blood for Reasons and gets a brief Luidaeg-POV flashback.. which shows the Luidaeg protesting Amandine abusing Toby as a kid. So even though they don't really meet until book 1, it puts her first unofficial appearance in a new context. Just some all powerful ancient sea witch checkin up on her niece at Safeway, y'know

- god the first Cu Sidhe shows up in this one and he just looks like a glam rocker who's also sort of a dog. Jesus christ

- they just act like dogs too and it is so funny. Fucking zero attention span, super excited and happy at being told they did a good job.

- arden: there's no way you're amandine's kid. She would never sleep with a human. Her husband would be pissed

Toby: ??? My mom isn't married?

(Oh boy that's gonna be a fun one)

AND, AFTER SIX AND A HALF BOOKS OF SOLID FORESHADOWING:

We get the Quentin reveal. The alcohol poisoning ceases.

-There's some real good irony in like. THE Crown Prince getting apprenticed to Toby, who is a member of Faerie's biggest underclass. And they become fucking BFFs over the course of the series. That's some good shit

👌👌👌some GOOD👌 shit right there

-God just going back there are SO many hints. I noted a lot of them on this series reread but some of my favorites are the real subtle ones. Like Quentin in book 2 being inexplicably amused when Toby orders him to do something.

- Like?? She makes the kid do chores. She's almost gotten him killed like half a dozen times. That's just some... premium good shit.

Well the book sums up that revelation pretty well lmao

- Did... did Arden just imply Toby's mom caused the 1906 San Francisco earthquake...? That is certainly something I either missed or forgot. How is that like even a thing

- The night haunts are cool as shit and I'm glad they're showing up as bigger players. And now we have setup for Toby owing them a favor. Delightful.

ME SIPPING THAT LUIDAEG LORE JUICE

- October Daye patch 7.1.8 notes: oh god we fucked up we fucked up changes reverted

-Blood magic CPR? Canon. Then again I'm pretty sure Toby was established using blood magic to resurrect someone in book 2. So. Book 2 is still relevant

God I'm such a sucker for this angsty shit. And of course this would be Tybalt's solution, considering his backstory. God. Fuck

-I like how they went from enemies to like ridiculously sweet and affectionate lovers.. but it's not 100% perfect, they still have arguments and disagreements. But it all comes down to them caring about each other. That's some good shit right there

- Dianda being a huge badass and just singlehandedly taking out six guards while iron poisoned. a good development.

- new toby power of literally stealing someone's powers by drinking their blood. We're going like full vampire here huh

- and The Queen... who we establish actually traded her name away... manages to escape. Wonder when she shows up again 🤔🤔🤔

- ok god the fucking short story epilogue is SO GOOD. Luidaeg POV!!! Luidaeg lore is always good but this is one of the only parts we have seen Amandine. It reveals that The Luidaeg literally has just been October's guardian angel for years, which explains why some all powerful sea witch just stumbles into Toby's life???. Amandine is a fucking brat. It foreshadows fucking... SOMETHING with the goddamn month names. And it sets up Eira. God next book is going to be so good.

- There are interesting parallels between Toby and her mom. Amandine was trying to turn Toby into a human for fucking years?? As some kind of shitty experiment? Almost succeeded until The Luidaeg intervened. There's all these lines about how Amandine had stolen centuries of Toby's life, how Toby would be defenseless and Faerie would still know who she was even if Amandine succeeded. What does this say about Gillian? Toby turned her completely human in book 4 to save her life. There's no way that's not going to come back in a big way.

-What. Is with. The month names. Seriously we have not had any new ones since 3 but that's still like 5 characters. I know there are several more coming in the next few books and I still don't know why the fuck lol

-This book was mostly the final setup for next book, which is an absolute fucking bombshell. Probably the best book in the series and that is saying something. I'm excited to reread it. But on it's own this one is a good read too... love that we finally got the Quentin reveal!! The horrific Queen is gone for now! Stuff!