#“are you male or female” “im enlightened”

[aura-bug]

Kat Kraydel is literally a bigender icon, when you look him/her up he/she's literally listed in both the male AND female categories

[harry-styles-obsessed]

Take my medicine

Request: please please PLEASE DO SOME ANGSTY SMUT PLEASE IM BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES

Warnings: smut, face fucking, hair pulling, degradation, praise, female and male receiving, edging, drool/ spit.

A/N: as you wish anon… (; I enjoy how feral some of you all are because same… I went kinda feral with this one kinda just remembering how I heard medicine live. Who knew a man could make me scream so loud🤭🤭🤭 this one shot literally does not have a plot I just wrote and it came out… like this? Enjoy!

-

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Harry’s voice was annoyed his brows raised as he kept his eyes on you. You and him had been in a fake “relationship” for over two months now and it was starting to get to you. You were both acting so lovey dovey, he was all over practically you all the time for publicity but in the end you never got anything. You never got touched. You never got kissed meaningfully. You only got your hand held which was just stupid. You didn’t want the sentimental things, you wanted to be put in your place— you wanted to lose control. You wanted Harry to control you.

“Are you really that daft Harry?” You raised your voice at him and he stared at you annoyed, his back straightening and he exhaled “do enlighten me darling.” He kept a stoic look on his face and you glared into his eyes, a few steps between you both but the tension remained thick. Constant. Never ending. “You hug me and touch me when we’re in front of the cameras and when we’re alone you act like… you act like this!” You waved your hands about, realisation settling upon Harry’s face as he studied you carefully. Were you really in need of being touched by him? How flattering.

“I don’t want our relationship to be fake! I want us to mean something! I don’t want to feel like a thing someone can pass around I just want to feel loved!” You were spiralling into a complete meltdown, practically yelling the same thing over and over again at him watching as he slowly got closer to you before his hand came up to cup against your cheek before he leaned in capturing your lips in a deep sensual kiss, his teeth nipping at your lower lip, as you melted into the kiss body dropping slightly as you tried to move into his body- wanting his lips upon yours forever. He then eventually pulled away, you breathing more soflty “we signed a contract, y/n…” “it hasn’t stopped you any other time.” You quickly bit back at the number of girls he had slept with and “fake relationships” he had, had.

He let out a small chuckle lightly stroking his thumb against your lower lip as he studied you carefully before he shook his head “you’re unbelievable.” He slowly pulled your lower lip down his own lips parting as he admired your pretty lips watching as your plump lip finally snapped back into place “Harry please…” you whispered his green eyes studying you carefully, analysing every part of you before he hummed- he really didn’t realise how much you needed him. How desperate you were for him. It was sweet really… cute even. “Please.” You whispered again and he smirked “please show me you love me even if you don’t mean it… please.”

He didn’t let you say another word as he kissed you deeply, your hands coming up to wrap around his neck, hands playing with his hair as he gripped onto your hips pulling your waist into him as he leaned you into the nearby wall the sound of heavy breathing and you both making out being the only sound audible for a while before Harry’s hand snuck into your hair grasping onto your hair so he could yank your head backwards lowering his lips to your throat as he scattered kisses against your skin keeping a tight grip on your hair as you whined softly feeling your pussy flutter desperately. “What do you want? What do you need, hm?” “You” you whispered desperately fully submitting yourself to him and a soft chuckle left his lips, before his grip on your hair loosened making you whine in disappointment,

“Down.” He commanded you, your eyes widening slightly that disappointment disappearing into nothingness as your knees practically buckled beneath you as you allowed yourself to fall to your knees gazing up at him through your lashes your eyes wide and hungry, desperate for him. You watched as he unbuckled his belt, before pulling his jeans down and his boxers as he took his cock into his hand beginning to pump up and down, pre-cum spilling out of the tip as you watched with wide excited eyes “you want me to fuck your face?” He questioned the lewd words making your body throb with excitement and you nodded desperately making him chuckle “use your words.” You blinked slightly dumbfounded “yes… please…”

He seemed satisfied with your words before he gripped onto your hair tightly grabbing a fistful of it and yanking it into a makeshift pony tail before he without even warning you slid his cock into your mouth- the head hitting the back of your throat making you gag and moan all at once, Harry groaning slightly as he tilted his head back in pleasure his eyes fluttering shut momentarily only to focus back down on you, tightening his grip before he began to move his hips along with your head, forcing your head to bob up and down over and over again as his hips moved in time with your head— every time your head moved forwards he’d thrust in deeper, drool practically escaping from your mouth as it dribbled down your chin as he continued to fuck your mouth his grip on your hair not letting up as you continued moaning desperately, one of your hands reaching down to begin to play with yourself as your body rocked with every movement of his, his eyes watching you

“You can play…” his words were gruff and commanding “but you can’t cum. Not until I tell you, you can.” You were a moaning gagging mess but still you listened, sliding two fingers into your pussy and pumping them in and out your slick wet cunt, your fingers easily pumping in and out Harry watching the pleasure build up within you and fuck was it beautiful, the way your mouth massaged his cock so well and the way your mouth was full and eyes rolling into the back of your head every so often had Harry weak at the knees and before he could’ve even stopped himself he was coming, hard right in your mouth, you moaning as he rode out his own orgasm yet his eyes remained watching you carefully watching as your hips bucked your moans growing louder, sending more vibrations through his cock “fuck-“ he tightened his grip on your hair watching as your face twisted and he pulled out of your mouth “stop.” He commanded your fingers halting before removing themselves from your aching heat “Harry please…” “shh. Good girl. Get up. Go lay down on the bed.”

You could barely stand but you did managed to with his help as you wobbled over to the bed, thighs trembling, before you collapsed down onto the bed, the bed creaking as Harry crawled towards you his hands instantly pressing against your thighs spreading your legs further apart as he lowered down to your heat which was clenching around nothing, desperate, he chuckled “needy hm?” You nodded fervently and Harry wasted no time in licking a strip up your pussy before he took your clit in between his lip, sucking and nipping as your hips bucked whines leaving your lips as you breathed heavily two of his fingers inserting into your pussy as he thrusted his fingers in and out of you curling them every so often at such an angle they continuously hit your G-spot over and over again, making your hips squirm and Buck your breathing heavy. Harry fluttered his tongue against your clit over and over again as you whined, him feeling the way you clenched around his fingers and he removed his fingers immediately “ah ah ah… patience y/n… patience…” he spoke before standing from the bed, making you whine, watching as he moved to crouch by the bed somerhing opening before you heard a familiar low buzzing seeing a familiar vibrator held in his hand

“Harry what the fuc-“ “mind your language, y/n. Shh… we’re in a relationship. We’re exploring one another aren’t we?” He chuckled softly before settling in between your thighs again the vibrator on the highest setting which instantly made it impossible to hold back, Harry holding it there with one hand his other hand tracing along your pussy as his tongue soon delved into your heat, tongue fucking you so deeply you were certain you were seeing stars— hell you couldn’t remember your own name at one point, screams and cries beginning to leave your lips as he kept the vibrator pressed to your clit “cum… cum right fucking now.” He demanded and as you let yourself go, Harry admired you, watching how beautiful you looked. How perfect you looked. And as he helped you ride your orgasm out he smirked slightly, until eventually your shaking thighs fell limp, your body relaxing- satisfied… eyes soon watching as he hovered above you, leaning down to capture your lips in a heated kiss

“I love you.” He murmured into your lips, before pulling back to look into your eyes “and I mean it… I always mean it.” He cupped your cheek in his hand before capturing your lips in another deep sensual kiss. Maybe this little fake relationship would turn into a much bigger problem for the both of you.

[blue-jisungs]

Hi axe! Since you're a fellow polish person here on tumblr what polish names would you assign to your moots? Love your works and hope you're doing okay 🙏❤️

ONH HIYA ANNONIE!!! this is such a fun ask ilysm im kissing u on the forehead virtually rn!!! 🥹 i tried to do all/most of my moots so it was a bit of a challenge lmaosjwk tysm dear and i hope you’re doing well too!! <33

also disclaimer: in polish names are purely feminine or masculine, there’s little names that could fit both genders so i tried my best w the male names!! also fun fact that no one asked for – all female names end with the letter a!! :D

sorry for such w long post, i got too excited 🫂🥲

@slytherinshua would be zuzanna, zuzia for short!! even tho i have some trauma connected w that name lmao it just fits perfectly !!

@eternalgyu hannie,, similarly lol but hanna – hania, hanka for short 🥹🥹 i’ve met some hanias and they were all the most adorable people ever just like hannie

@wheeboo okay pls im so sorry but it was the first thought ever when i saw your name rania. there’s a polish name that’s very similar to yours – renia (the full name is renata). and even tho it’s usually an older lady name lol i think it’s cute :( one of my teachers’ name was renia and i have some good memories w that name ^^

@weird-bookworm okay now idk why but sky gives me jagoda vibes. jagoda literally means berry so both sky n jagoda are physical things (?) so it fits hehe. if you’re curious about the nickname, it could be jadzia or jaga lol. actually there’s a tale about baba jaga (like the witch who wanted to cook hansel and gretel [jaś i małgosia] living in a house made out of gingerbread and it was like standing on a chicken leg) but i don’t think it’s a short for jagoda. just a fun fact 😭

@rubywonu nia… hmm id say natalia!! its literally a polish ver of natalie lmao but it’s cute and it fits ^^ nati for short from what i’ve experienced hehe

@fairyhaos now yena i was struggling w you lmao. there’s no names in poland starting with y so i couldn’t pick anything starting w that letter lol (well technically there’s yasmine but imo it’s not fully a polish name…?). we mostly transcribe y as j, so i went in that direction aaaand chose jaśmina. there was literally a lightbulb appearing above my head when i thought of that. yes, the word root is literally jasmine but it’s so… tender, soft, gentle. just like u dear :’)

@taeiun ehh junjunnie i’ll be honest – yours was the toughest one. i know you use he/she pronouns but there’s literally no neutral names lmfao (i mean there are like a few but they’re meeeh). so if you don’t mind – a more feminine one that i think suits you well + it’s literally so pretty – antonina (yes, like marie antoinette), tosia for short 🥹🥹🥹 on a more masculine side i would settle for jakub, kuba or kubuś (there’s a juice/kids food brand w that name it’s so cute🥹) for short!! :D

@haecien omg pls i was thinking for such a long time but then it enlightened me. and polish moots dont laugh or ill bite you. czesiu. LIKE CMON🥹 the full name is czesław, it’s kinda oldish lol but there’s a singer i like – czesław mozil, he also dubbed polish olaf and i feels like … czesiu, cien… pls it fits sm :(

@planetkiimchi i wasn’t sure so i gave you one of my fav polish names, magdalena. magda, madzia for short!! that’s my irl bestie’s name so i have some good memories w that name too :”) it’s really pretty and genuinely reminds me of good things <3 you could translate it into maggie i think

@kyrjnie same case here, so i settled for milena!! also some good memories plus its really cute!! i’ve known some milenas lol and i never actually used a nickname for them since lena is a separate name 🥲

@etherealyoungk hehe since your and sky’s names r similar i didn’t want to repeat it so i chose natasza!! there’s one natasza i’ve met lol os i don’t know what they usually use for short but if guess nati maybe? it’s such a cute name (yup, it’s the same as for example natasha romanoff teehee its slavic after all)

@writingmeraki i was thinking patrycja, pati or patka for short :D imo it suits you well hehe

@icyminghao hmmm hmmm noelle, noelle… i didn’t want to go for the polish equivalent of your name, which could be something along noemi or naomi. so i decided to pick nadzieja – it literally translates into hope!! it’s such a pretty name :( very optimistic and bubbly, just like you :D

@mirxzii i was fighting my inner demons bc roxie is very similar to roksana!! so if you like it, that’s fine but! imo you give off a żaklina vibe!! it’s such a unique name just like you, obviously in a good n positive way :D

@enluv hmm i was pondering tbh and eventually chose kornelia!! when i was younger i wanted to be named that and was very pissed at my parents for not choosing it as my name >:( it’s so so pretty and the short for it AHHH!! most people use kora and it literally translates into tree bark (i think that’s the name?). there was also a very talented polish singer who used kora as her stage name (sadly she passed away but a lot of people still love her music🥹)

[bloomingdarkgarden]

Okay... 😭 I'm going to be honest I'm going to need you to explain how the hell gw*nriel became to be a ship (u can answer this privately if you'd like) this is coming from someone who read the books way before the spin offs came out, multiple times, and even after reading the spin offs i still don't get it cause really ? they dont even interact 😭 i rlly wish to be enlightened pls

Prefacing this by saying, anons, I will not make a habit of answering ship war stuff. It’s not my bag. Also you can’t answer anons privately fyi.

I’m mildly shocked you * need * me to do this, because I'm actually pseudo switzerland.

It is my belief that readers identify strongly with characters based on their own identity and experience. Gwyn is an easy character to love. She’s got a hard past, grace, and strength and is smart as hell. I personally think she’s rad. I want more from her journey. Exploration of many places, loves, etc. I want her gaining power. Cutting off male heads who are cruel to females. Changing the course of war with her scholarly knowledge.

ACOTAR is the first *romance* novel I have ever read. I come from reading solely high fantasy and sci-fi for many years. And in those novels, a plucky, rise from the ash warrior girl is nearly always the heroine. I am personally exhausted of the trope, which is endlessly recycled in sjm novels. For whatever reason im more interested in Elain as a heroine, who says nothing to anyone and bakes cookies and then stabs people in the neck, idk.

Regardless, Gwynriel is fun. It potentially has a lot of mirror imagery, charming banter, mutual healing etc. and girlies want that for Gwyn. She freaking deserves it. Girlies want Elain to find the same, albeit in a softer way. It does seem like so much of the ship leans on inference imo.

People on both sides of the ship war love to thrust the bonus chapter back and forth as 'evidence'. Long needling arguments about choice/ politics / jewelry / lightsinger shit / lust / wtf-ever.

Honestly that chapter had me mostly just wanting to chuck the whole series into the Sidra.

Like, both of those girls should flee for the hills after the Solstice Shit Show ™

Because Azriel displayed so many red flags it’s not even funny. And I say that as an undying fan of his wingspan.

Probably none of that text should be used as grounds for love, mating bonds, whatever tf.

That shit was wack as hell and terrible for all females involved.

That is all.

[hrodvitnon]

Y'know, it took you pointing out the gender of the female human characters in Shamhat to make me realize there are no male human characters in that fic. Like- I read the Battra reply and my goofy ass Bi-Poly brain went "Why just the girls, what about the human dudes??"- and then I had to do a double-take before I realized "Wait a fucking minute- I can't think of any on Infant Island. Am I insane there's no way I missed this??".

I am insane and I did miss this. Somehow that reality never fucking clicked in my head and im reeling. It took me 2 years to realize there's not a single sex scene in that fic with a male human. This should not a surprise but somehow it is.

Um- that being said- any plans to add any? Ik I mentioned Trapper once but off rip I can also think that maybe Ren would be a neat addition? Could give him the Maia Simmons treatment with redemption via monster partner (y'know now that I've just typed that I'm realizing that you could swap their places and the outcome would be nearly identical. That's kind of an insane alternate reality to think about).

Hm, we could stand to even out the human gender ratio... Ren could benefit from an enlightening evening with a Titan willing to convince him of the error of his ways through alternate means. Ford is certainly an attractive man but he's married with a son, so the closest he'd get could be a quick supply run cameo where he sizes up Goji and goes "Nice." There's also Barnes from KOTM, he was the one who hit the nail on the head that Godzilla and Mothra have a thing going on, and can learn it's not as "messed up" as he thought. Oh, and Trapper! Trapper would fit in Shamhat like a glove.

Actually, Ilene Chen being Battra's first fits perfectly for the exact reasons specified. Kong would also be a good fit for Battra's first time as well.

...that came out wrong.

Or did it?

But yeah, either one would make sure that Battra losing his virginity would be a gentle affair where things go at a pace he's comfortable with. Nothing fancy or extravagant, just a simple and tender introduction to the simple pleasures of the body.

[rf-times]

hi ! I love your blog and i hope im not bothering you, i was wondering if you have any book recommendations that you think are important for women to read. You are super smart so i thought I'd ask since i love reading ❤️

This is so lovely of you to say I really appreciate it <33 My top feminist non fiction book recs are:

Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez, gives a broad outline of the many ways women are not taken into account across the world and how this impacts us.

Loving to Survive by Dee Graham, a deepdive into female socialisation, love, domestic violence and society.

The Creation of Patriarchy by Gerda Lerner, goes deep into history, mythology, philosophy, offers a great compelling account of many parts of women's history.

Right Wing Women by Andrea Dworkin, fiercely and passionately written, about both female and male misogyny

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, a lot of great info about abuse, the myths, the ways our society supports it, etc

Those are my top picks. Other non fiction books I've enjoyed and found value in (mainly feminist focused)

Against White Feminism by Rafia Zakaria, highlights the hypocrisy and damage of many so called feminist national (American) and international organisations and how feminist rhetoric has been wrongfully used to support colonialism and war

Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, a feminist critique of psychiatry

Talkin' Up to the White Woman by Aileen Moreton-Robinson, an Indigenous Australian woman's work on how mainstream feminism has excluded and devalued Indigenous women

Enlightened Sexism by Susan Douglas, a really interesting book that looks at the idea of post-feminism and enlightened sexism through media analysis of 90s and early 2000s and how it ushered in a new era and new rhetoric of misogyny

The Tyranny of Merit by Michael Sandel, not about feminism but an analysis of how both the ideal and reality of meritocracy does far more harm than good

Close to home by Christine Delphy, a feminist book that's gone under the radar, is a collection of essays and has really interesting analyses of the home, of marxism, etc

Witches, Midwives and Nurses, a History of Woman Healers by Barbara Ehrenreich, a fascinating and super short book that analyses the medical industry's history

[rainbowsky]

Hai 👋

This ask is nothing related to GGDD its rather personal. So i recently discovered my self as bi and im 23. It was terrifying to be honest cause im pretty sure that im straight. and suddenly felt attracted towards a girl, but it felt great to accept this new side of me. And i come out to my family and friends which surprisingly went well. But i don't how my colleagues know about it or who told them. At frist they act like they didn't know anything but eventually they started make fun of me. Even said to one of my male colleague that he should make his girlfriend stay away from me and they dismissed it as a joke. Some of female colleague stoped talking to me. They always find a way indirectly make fun of me. I love my job really but its getting hard for me to be in my workplace and its getting stressful day by day. I don't want to worry my family they have enough on their plate right now. My friends suggest me to quit job. I don't know what to do.. So can you please give some tips to how to handle the situation? Sorry for this long ask but please consider this to answer🙏.

Thank you

Ugh, Anon. That sounds so hard. Big hugs to you. 🫂

First and foremost, congratulations to you for having the courage to come out and to live your truth. I know how hard that can be. 💖

I totally understand your decision not to share your workplace issues with your parents. Sometimes the discrimination we face can actually end up being used as an excuse to further discriminate against us. Some less enlightened family members are fine with us being queer until they perceive the ways in which our lives are made more difficult by being queer, and then they start questioning whether "it's really so necessary to put yourself through all that."

Since you're bisexual, this could lead to your parents encouraging you to seek opposite sex partners and avoid same-sex partners.

It's great when we can have the support of family during times like this, but unfortunately that support isn't always forthcoming, and the worst time to find that out is when you're already in a sort of crisis situation. It can push people over the edge, so please take care of your emotional/mental health by not putting more pressure on the situation than is completely necessary.

As for the workplace situation, it's really difficult to give a solid answer on how best to approach things, because I don't know what region you are in and a lot depends on the labor laws and professional norms/culture where you live.

If this was my region, the solution would be obvious. Your employer would have a legal obligation to ensure you are not being harassed or discriminated against in the workplace based on your sexual orientation. Anyone engaging in that behavior would be in hot water.

But I know not everywhere is as progressive as Canada, and there are regions in the world that provide no legal protection for people who are targeted based on sexual orientation, gender identity, sex, religion, etc.

So my first advice would be to research the laws and regulations in your region and in your workplace (many workplaces have policies on this type of thing, some do not). And I would advise that everyone does this, wherever they live and whether they are queer or straight. In the immortal words of Joe Strummer: "KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!"

If you are in a region and/or workplace that has policies against this behavior, you have the option to avail yourself of those policies and laws. This isn't always a simple, happy solution though. Just because a workplace or region has policies, it doesn't mean the people on the ground are competent with managing and enforcing them (or are even in agreement with them). YMMV based on who is in charge of these things.

You might push the issue and find the behavior stops, but that you are treated like an outsider anyway. However, you might find that taking action empowers you and gives you strength, and it could result in growth and change in the people around you. It's a bit of a roll of the dice.

Whether or not you are in a region where your rights are protected, I think the most important first step to take is to find an ally, preferably more than one. There is strength in numbers. You might find it very helpful to reach out to people who can help and support you:

A close friend who supports your sexuality and who you feel you can trust not to share your story without your consent.

Someone within your work organization who you trust, ideally someone who has more power/authority than you.

Someone within a LGBT organization in your region who understands the culture and laws in your area who can help you navigate this issue and provide you moral support as well.

If you are in a union, it would probably be wise to speak to your union rep. about your contractual rights.

If you have a therapist or counselor you can speak with, do so. If not, perhaps consider finding one, even just for a while.

Work together with people you trust to come up with a plan of action - whether that action is to lodge a complaint or to simply leave that company and find a new job - and lean on them for support as needed. When you are in crisis, it's best to build on and make use of a solid support system.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are well supported for whatever comes out of it.

It could be that leaving is your best option (if I was your friend I might be advising it too). If you decide to go that route, don't do so suddenly even if that's tempting, unless you really feel you can't take it anymore. It would probably be best to give yourself space to maintain your financial situation while you look for a new opportunity.

And if you do end up looking for a new job, it would probably be a good idea to take a measure of the culture there before considering coming out. You might also want to research their policies and culture before even taking a position there.

Good luck, Anon. I really hope it all works out for you, and I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with something like this. 💖

No matter what happens, know that you have my support and the support of the queer community in general, so if you need to talk or find yourself struggling, please reach out. And if you have any further questions, please feel free to write back or contact me privately.

EDIT: One thing you could try is to talk directly with the people who are harassing you - particularly anyone who might be a ringleader or have the social power to stand against the ringleader (if your allies feel it's something that might work).

Building bridges can often be much more rewarding that fortifying walls. People find it easier to be horrible to you when they can dehumanize you. If they see you as a person - maybe even as a friend - that might turn things around. They might even become an ally in the workplace who can help turn others around as well.

it might be worth a try if you're considering leaving anyway.

[drukhari]

hey king, during this lovely pride month I told my dad I'm not cis, im nonbinary. It went well yay! but I knew it would go well but I'm not sure he fully got what non-binary meant (tbf I could've done better with the explanation too but nerves I guess), do you know a nice meme or like a simple thing that would kinda explain it?

First off, congrats!! I'm glad the conversation went well 😊 I kind of found myself in the same boat with my parents when I came out as nonbinary and gave them a very quick rundown on what that meant for me. They were honest with me in that they may need a minute to fully grasp nonbinary as a concept, because at the time they'd literally never heard of it, but they've always been open to learning more since then and have asked genuine questions when they have them so everything has worked out. Hopefully that'll be the case with your dad too!

As far as simple ways to explain it to someone who isn't familiar with the concept, that can definitely be tough since nonbinary is an umbrella term that covers an incalculable number of different gender experiences, with the unifying idea just being that the experience is outside of the usually thought of male-female binary model. There have been memes about being nonbinary that I've seen made by other nb people that haven't vibed at all with the way I experience gender, and I'm sure that my own experience doesn't vibe for every single other nb person out there too.

For myself, both when I came out to my parents and my coworkers, I actually ended up leaning more on the historic facts side of things because that's always been how my brain best wraps itself around new concepts. Nonbinary genders have existed throughout recorded human history, across many different cultures all over the world, so the idea that the male and female binary model is the "one original and true" way of experiencing gender just isn't factually correct and apparently that actually was hugely enlightening for a number of my older coworkers.

There have definitely been plenty of memes out there that try to break it down into a more simple concept for people trying to learn about what being nonbinary means, like the 2 below here

but they may very well not fit the way that you experience being nonbinary so don't feel like you have to necessarily rely on explanations or memes made by other people that don't actually fit for you. There's plenty of time for your dad to learn and grow and it's gonna be a journey for both of you in a lot of ways! Like I know I've sometimes showed clips from shows to my parents when a nonbinary character or actor shows up because that sort of thing helps reinforce for them that their kid isn't alone out here in this experience, just as an example.

There was a post on here going around for a little while (and for the LIFE of me of course I can't find it now, or remember the op, so if anyone knows the post I'm talking about and could link it as a reply please do and I'll do the same if I come across it later!) where basically the op framed it as "if being male is being in California on a map of the US, and being female is being in NY, I'm somewhere off in <insert other location between those two here>" So that's also another kind of framing option for you if that sounds like it would fit your experience. Basically any format where you frame it as "rather than being stuck between 2 ill fitting options, being nb means there's tons of other options just like XYZ thing in our world already" can help, in my experience at least.

I hope some of this helps anon - I know it was probably a lot more rambling than you may have expected lmao, and again huge congrats on coming out and it's awesome that your dad is accepting and supportive right out the gate, even if he's still learning as he goes!

[manie-sans-delire-x]

I think you're decontextualizing too much and talking from a privileged point of view. I'm not arguing with the objectivity of what your point is, but it's a very bland flat hill to die on, in my opinion. People can totally agree to disagree, but the whole "good luck living this way" or "it's never gonna happen" is nothing but a shrugging off problems just because they don't belong to you.

Of course trans folks have deeper issues, we've been fighting in a society that, by default, does not accept us and we're forced to explain our very existence on a daily (or whoever cares to, to be honest I dropped that one ball there). So that's why it's important to make people who are coming from said privileged spots (mind, I'm not using the word "privileged" to hop on a high horse and offend anyone) understand how some things are very easy adjustments to make to accommodate minorities. And you don't really need to know/profoundly understand /why/ it's important for them, you can simply trust it is if they say so.

It's like saying "why would I use City money to build a stupid ramp when wheelchair users can struggle a little and learn to climb a 3 inches step" or "why would I stop staring at that person's ass if it's out and it's natural for me to look at it" because you want to be better and it's not that deep.

Yet again, agree to disagree if adding "assigned at birth" is such an inconvenience. No one is word obsessed, but personally speaking I'll bend the usage of my language as much as I can to make sure everyone around me is comfortable and feels safe, I don't care and need to know why.

How am I decontextualizing or talking from a privileged point of view? I mean I suppose I am in that I am not trans? I'll give you that.

Why is my point of view a bland hill to die on but insisting on changing female/male to afab/amab isnt?

No I just truly believe and came to the realistic conclusion it will never happen, not in any of our lifetimes at least. Do you really expect that this is going to become the new normal, in every country and culture? Seriously?

Yeah damn straight Im shrugging it off, I cant help people who are determined to be unhappy over word choice. Its not my problem, as you said. Everyone elses life will go on as normal, only they will be stuck on this and being unhappy, only hurting themselves.

Changing a language is not "very easy adjustment", not at all. I mean clearly, or else all this fighting wouldnt be happening right? And ok, say English changes. What, now every other language in the world has to change? Oh boy, thats going to lead to a lot of confusion and fighting. Sounds kinda problematic too, to insist other cultures and countries have to change their languages to match the more enlightened English. Colonist vibes.

Lets have realistically attainable goals. Lets focus on what really matters- like violent hate crimes against transpeople. People who are sooo passionate about political correctness and word choice should maybe, idk, do something real to help. Volunteer or work to help transpeople. But see they dont actually care about transpeople, they just get off on the self righteousness and false sense of moral superiority.

Its not about understanding why its important to them, I understand that it is. But unfortunately, reality doesnt give a shit about peoples emotions or whats important to them. (and clearly its not ok to disagree, because then you get labeled as a terf or whatever else new acronym...)

If you want to compare it to that, its more like if people in wheelchairs insisted that all stairs should be banned- ramps only- and you cant call them disabled anymore, everyone else is un-disabled. Society will never build itself around to a minority population, and shouldnt because it makes no sense.

Its not about "doing better" or peoples feelings. This is the main difference in thought process I think- some people view it as a moral social issue, some people view it as a issue of reality and logic.

What is a female? What is a male? A woman? A man? Whats the differences between them? Whats the difference between sex and gender? Are trans people actually transsexual or transgender? Is it even possible to be transsexual since you will never have the desired sex's gametes? Can someone be a female man or a male woman? At some point we need some god damn definitions. We cant just make words mean whatever we want them to.

Why not just have females, males, and transfemales and transmales?? Men, women, transmen, transwomen. That makes way more sense. Why would the majority and a whole ass language change to fit the minority? And even with the use of "cis", "trans" is still in use so attaching "cis" is pretty redundant either way!

[thevagueambition]

Cactus? (For the ask-thing) 🌵☺️

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

So I'm currently halfway through reading Making Sex: Body and Gender from the Greeks to Freud by Thomas Laqueur which is about historical notions of the gendered (well, sexed, I should say) body and how ideas about how male and female bodies relate to one another in the conceptual space.

Laqueur's way of framing it is that there used to be a one-sex model, wherein the female body was simply a less "perfected" version of the male body, wherein the male body and female body were understood as essentially the same thing -- a "difference in degree, not in kind" -- and where medicine (in Europe and the MENA region) from Ancient Greece up into the Renaissance conceptualised all typically afab reproductive organs as simply typically amab reproductive organs that existed on the inside of the body instead of the outside. The vagina was an inverted penis, the ovaries were internal testicles etc. And that women had a form of semen that was Less Potent than men's but still essentially the same thing that had a role in reproduction. This is part of why female orgasms were considered important for conception for a long time -- there were different takes on the exact mechanics, but one held that you needed both the "male seed" and "female seed" to conceive.

Then during the Enlightenment, the two-sex model we have today became the more prominent understanding of the difference between the male and female bodies -- gradually they came to be understood as two inherently different things, as opposites rather than graduations of the same thing, which is where we begin to see a lot of changes in the conceptualisation of gender/sex. It starts to be seen as an inborn, immutable quality more so than previously where the primary concern was rightful access to social status ( rather than biological destiny) and where the understanding of homosexuality also changes from something closer to the understanding of it in the Classical world (all men want to penetrate others regardless of their sex/gender, a man wanting to be penetrated is weird, women are all horny af) to something closer to the 20th century understanding (homosexuality as a sexuality that is an inborn quality and essentially the same regardless of topping/bottoming, women as less sexual than men). Note that I've mostly read the stuff that describes the nature of the one-sex model so far, so I might be somewhat off about what Laqueur's take on what the change to the two-sex model does.

Having read sources from the 19th century and early 20th as well as some from earlier, though, it's very credible to me that such a change happened and that this is a meaningful way to frame that change. It's difficult to date these things imo because they're gradual and happen differently in different locations/cultures/language spheres, even as we stay within the Western world, but Something very clearly happens between the late 18th century and the mid 19th century (Something which had been underway since the 17th century ime)

...thanks for giving me an excuse to infodump XD

[brainsoupi]

can you go more into detail about what you mean by “everyone is one half of a whole, hence genders” like soulmates or? does that imply straight soulmates lol haha

yes okay so, Human beings are a combination of divinity and nature. This is also represented as dark and light, unconscious and conscious, yin yang etc. This is why you can say "im sick of myself" , “I don’t recognize myself”  “lying to yourself”. In a way, you're made up of two main, and opposite energies. The nature side of the human is only one part of a whole, because on earth we are split between male and female, that's just how nature works here yk. (not saying anything about lgbtq at, all trustLOL) im speaking purely about like, sex. Sex between the opposite genders creates one. your parents are both one half of a whole, therefore you were raised as one half, you are not whole. This doesn't mean you need a partner to be whole though, you were just raised.. "nature" style instead of divinely. An enlightened person is a person who has either completely left their "nature" or "unconscious" self, or tapped in deeply into the divine.

I honestly don't know if soulmates are a thing but its fun to think about hehe, but no it wasn't what I was talking about sorry aaaah

oh also.. if u wanna hear more about the two selfs inside you id recommend Carl Jungs work

[harmcityherald]

us men, because that's the only standpoint from which I can write it, we aren't supposed to write about these things. We are complex balls of emotional tangleroots and hidden fears and secret longings. We are tearful entities of sorrow buried beneath masks made of anger and stoicism. separated by islands of our own making. I can no more deny my man-ness than I can deny my eye color or my skin color although those things can not and should not define my personhood. I took a journey toward my feminine but is that something elusive to be obtained or the summit of a mountain to be attained or is it something solid gifted by birth and baths of hormones? I am too small to answer that question. I can only observe and pontificate from my own vantage point. As humans we are all inherently alone. I can no more deduce how you see the world than you can deduce mine. Endless words have been laid down by endless philosophers, male and female, to enlighten this dark area of what it means to be human, male or female, in love, in hate, or what it simply means to be alive.

I am not stoic, although I expend copious amounts of energy in an attempt to be. why? because that is my role. It was given to me long ago. reject it? oh yes I did. No matter how far from me I could push it, it always returned like a lost puppy or a mouse released in the field. so is this anger, this stoicism, is this chemical? Is that the side effect of testosterone? Does that make me inherently evil? How can the man and the woman who live inside my head come to some meeting? some talks of peace in the battlefield of my soul? can they ever? Or is it that they both always have existed in me and exist in every one of you, although you may not want to admit that.

If we are the same entity, a human, bombarded with the chemical bath that makes us separate, then a meeting of minds should be simple. Perhaps, environmental pressures are what forge our differences. As in I am told to be stoic because that's what men do. I know so many stoic women. We don't celebrate that though, do we? not enough I think. I've known compassionate men, and mostly they are frowned upon.

So are these social constructs of society and how do we go about dismantling what is disagreeable about them? And what is truly disagreeable about them? Should stoicism among men or melodrama among women be seen as disagreeable, I use those words to loosely describe patterns in the sexes, I don't wholely believe that one describes the other in any measurable way. I may as well as say venus and mars....

what is between venus and mars?

earth.

I hope we reach that some day in some future. between venus and mars is earth, and between man and woman is human.

Still. why do I react to the world the way I do? And Im proud to be a man. should I be? I took that journey, and just because my journey ended with my realization that I was not trans does that mean I failed or succeeded? I am still left with two voices in my head. does that mean I am incredibly different or incredibly mediocre?

what does it mean to be a man and am I ashamed to be one?

sometimes when I read the news I am quite ashamed. But there are plenty of women murderers and women rapists and you can not attribute a crime to a sex, or a difference in sexes.

what do I personally believe?

we are all women. That's how we start in the womb until that hormone bath decides which path we get set upon. we are humans first, women and men second.

So my parting question becomes:

Do men really exist?

[alluringjae]

au cours de l’été - jjh

⤑ translation: over the summer

⤑ summary: this is a story of an exhausted painter who needed a breather from the hectic city life. so aside from moving to the countryside, the needed air in your lungs also came in the form of a person. this summer meant for pure relaxation, perhaps your heart may dive into him too.

⤑ pairing: jaehyun x female reader

⤑ word count: 15.2k (so much for saying that i’ll be writing shorter stories)

⤑ genre: fluff, romance, smut | author!jaehyun, painter!reader, strangers to lovers!au, 50s-60s!au, summer love in france!au

⤑ warnings: me inserting some french phrases because I want to practice (feel free to correct me if I made mistakes, i’ll appreciate them), fictional interpretations of real-life people, explicit language, jaehyun being such a romantic pls im in tears, mentions and scenes of burnout (the worst)

⤑ playlist: everybody loves somebody by dean martin | c’est si bon by eartha kitt | it’s always you by chet baker | les yeux ouverts by emilie-claire barlow | a sunday kind of love by etta james | the most beautiful thing by bruno major | try again by jaehyun and d.ear (duh) | free love (dream edit) by honne | petite fleur by jill barber | plus je t’embrasse by blossom dearie | so this is love by ilene woods and mike douglas

⤑ author’s note: this was an idea that just came to me after pinterest kept recommending me poetic beauty/try again jaehyun, so here we are! i intended to write less than 5k words but sometimes plans don’t go as planned once you really invest in the story yet i’m really happy how this turned out!

the romantic exhilaration in my bones are off the charts because this is jaehyun we’re talking about lol enjoy!

⤑ masterlist

⤑ leave me some feedback, constructive criticism, or hellos!

3 juin 1957

The city life overstimulated your entire system, losing your brainpower and inspiration. Another exhibition that’ll feature your works with other influential painters was happening at the end of the year, and you had nothing prepared so far. You’ve crashed to the deep end of creative fatigue.

So you needed to get away again; somewhere quieter and surrounded by nature.

That’s why you ended up in the countryside down south, somewhere within Provence. It’s purely just for the summer, but extensions were okay as long you get back at least a month before the show. Filing that leave of absence at the studio you worked at was worth it.

You rented an apartment overlooking the marketplace, where the heart of the village was. After arranging things from your boxes and luggage the entire day, you found out that you lacked in the food department.  

So the succeeding day, the entire morning was spent on grocery shopping downstairs then stocking them inside your refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. Right after changing out of your pajamas into a flowy floral dress and sandals, you decided to bike to the bakery that locals suggested. A must-go place for newcomers, they all raved.

“Café des Étoiles Perdues.” (Café of Lost Stars.)

The clear chimes of the bell resounded through the small, cottage-like lobby as you entered inside. An old woman, whom you assumed was the owner, welcomed you openly.

“Oh la la, vous êtes belle! Vous vous appelez (Y/N), la nouvelle venue, n'est-ce pas?” (Oh la la, you’re beautiful. Your name is (Y/N), the newcomer, right?)

She complimented, making you shyly mutter your answer. Wiping off the flour from her apron, she introduced herself kindly.

“Je m’appelle Camille. Mes spécialités sont les macarons pisctaches et des croissants avec des amandes. Autre chose que tu aimes?” (I’m Camille. My specialties are the pistachio macarons and croissants with almonds. Is there anything else you like?)

“J'aime tout ce que vous suggères, Madame.” (I’d like anything that you suggest, Madame.)

A younger man, who went by Jaemin, was a part-timer barista who asked for your coffee order. As he directed you to the best seat of the café, which was outside overlooking the garden of blooming sunflowers, you pulled out your sketch pad so you could capture this dreamy view. It was nothing like you’ve ever seen in your life.

You’ve decided on a theme already for your exhibit thanks to your conversations with locals yesterday, which was related to freedom. After being chained to cities for so-called better living and financial standards, it’s actually how your inspiration to create squeezed the life out of you like a lemon. Although it was fun at first to see those tourist spots, it eventually got tiring.

Another matchstick to graze intensity through your bones was what you prayed for.

While you’re engaged in a rough sketch of the scenery, the dandy presence of a young man entered the café with his books. White shirt, red trousers with a matching beret, he sported freckles on his pale face. Despite visiting his favorite café numerously, Camille was overjoyed to see him and his serene smiles.

“Jaehyun! What brings you here?”

“Bonjour, Madame! I’m starving for your croissants because I ran out back home.”

“Not to worry! I’ll pack up some so you’re on your way.” She lightened him up like one of her kids, taking one of the bigger paper bags.

“No rush though, Madame. I’ll be reading and working here for a bit here.” Jaehyun affirmed, bringing it out his wallet and called out for Jaemin.

“Un café crème, s’il vous plait.” (One cup of cappuccino, please.)

Jaehyun’s usual chair was by the large window, overseeing the wide garden planted by the citizens of the village way before he was born. It was places like this he missed after moving to the city for his education and work’s sake. 

That’s the thing when you’re coming from a rich family; you don’t have much of say with what your parents order you to do. However, his recent request to stay in his childhood home (or mansion) again was fulfilled because he couldn’t search for what he needed in the cities anymore.

Jaehyun was a sucker for romance; an old romantic others would say. A lot of women mistook his kindness as flirting on many occasions, but ironically he just wasn’t looking for anyone yet. 

Starting as a novelist in the said genre based on real-life stories of people he met in Paris, Barcelona, London, and more, his stories were popular hits especially to young adults who aspire to find love one day.

However, traveling to the known places no longer felt fun as he got older. The stories he gathered were very similar, just in different languages. It took an enthusiastic dinner with his family, specifically his only older sister Krystal retelling fond stories from their younger years to get the idea of moving back for a bit. So consumed with the city life, he wanted to see things from another perspective.

What was the difference between a love story formed in the countryside than in the city?

It’s been a month since he arrived, but he didn’t hurry himself to do his research. He’s been reading books in his family library, revisiting monumental places, exploring around the village, and reconnecting with old friends as if he never left. 

Readjusting to his former life would make writing easier when he’s motivated enough to do it again. Besides, his books were profiting well enough to his taste; good enough for the next 10 years according to his personal accountant, Kim Jungwoo.

Jaehyun resumed reading this book his mother recommended him before he left. Entitled “Réessaye”, which was about a young man who reunites with his childhood sweetheart after his arranged marriage failed. After what she put her through, he’s hesitant whether to try again or let her go.

Jaehyun enjoyed reading books with realistic outlooks on love because he found them more meaningful, enlightening how exactly it makes you feel and do. Even if he enjoyed reading sappy, fairytale-like stories from time to time, he always returned to the real ones as they only displayed the truth.

That love isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, but something that can also break you especially if you go after the wrong person. This kind of mindset was how he toiled on his stories, which gained him a status outside of his unavoidable labels such as “the only striking son of the Jeong family” or “Valentine Boy”.

He diligently browsed through the climax, where the main male character confessed all his constrained emotions to his sweetheart. But it was until Jaemin pressed the bag of croissants in front of his face after placing down his childhood friend’s drink to disturb his peace.

“Reading again?” He taunted, snatching his book away and throwing the bag on Jaehyun’s lap. “When are you writing that book already? Everyone is practically dying for you to release something new again!”

Jaehyun flatly shook his head, drinking his coffee quietly. It’s not the first time anyone asked (or pressured) him about his next release, and it’s the last thing he wanted to think about. “Not in the mood right now, Jaemin. Now off to work before Madame Camille scolds you again.”

“You’re just stalling because you have nothing to write, don’t you?” Jaemin cunningly expressed, raising a brow. He’s known to catch onto the people’s bs easily; the last person you’d want to say your secrets too and Jaehyun realized too late. Though lucky for him, Jaemin shut the topic down right away so he wouldn’t pop a vein.

“Sais-tu de la nouvelle venue dans le village, d'ailleurs?” (Do you know about the newcomer in the village, by the way?)

“Une nouvelle venue?” (A newcomer?)

Being stuck at his mansion recently, news about village affairs were now late to him. Jaemin’s finger discreetly pointed outside the window, pertaining to a young woman sat outside painting her view in front of her.

That would be you, shading all the flowers in bright colors.

Seeing a new face amazed Jaehyun, especially when she was almost someone right out of a book. In a neat bun with white daisies printed in her dress, she crossed her legs whilst continuing her movements. She bit her lower lip, frustrated over an accidental smudge she made and trying to fix it by blending it with another color. When she accomplished it, she swapped brushes. A thinner one, to outline the shapes of the flower. Her lips curved to a smile after finishing another one perfectly with the rest.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaemin snapped his fingers to his distracted friend, zoning out the window. Still something he hasn’t stop doing, he pondered. With a final snap, Jaehyun broke away from falling hard from his abstract. Jaemin calculated the problem so quickly, analyzing his friend breezily like his medical school requirements.

“Elle est splendide, n'est-ce pas?” (She’s gorgeous, right?)

“Elle ressemble à une personne décente.” (She looks like a decent person.)

Jaehyun pushed it aside, flipping back to the page where he stopped reading. Before Jaemin responded, the door chimed open again to alarm him that a new customer came in. He excused himself to his friend, warning him that this wasn’t the last time he’ll talk about the newcomer too.

Jaehyun nodded along, not taking his friend’s cheeky words so seriously. However, the final result you attempted to create tickled his curiosity, so he slyly peeked from his book to the window.

You’ve freed your hair down, victorious to have started your collection this early in your break. A fantastic start, you let the paint dry first and munch on the croissant that served as your reward. However, you ‘re quick to notice a manly figure glancing through the window. From the side, his brown eyes appeared lively even if his entire face was hidden by the book.

Réessaye by Mark Lee; he must be a romantic. Every person in your studio read it, excluding yourself. Painfully beautiful, they’d summarize it.

Daring to meet more people, you locked eye contact with him. He didn’t expect it, almost flipping from his chair. Bashfully, you waved him a hello to somewhat break the ice. However, it broke his composure, and suddenly, he scurried off with his things from the café.

Now, you got quite worried. You checked your tiny mirror if he saw anything unpleasant with you, but you’d say you look relatively fine. Oh, maybe you could redeem yourself the next time you saw him. After bidding goodbye to Camille and Jaemin, the latter chased after you when you prepared yourself on your bike.

“By any chance, did you say hi to a guy with brown eyes and a red beret?”

“Well, more like I waved at him, then he zoomed out. Did I do something wrong?” You questioned with concern, putting your hands on the handles.

“That’s my friend, who’s quite reserved with strangers. I’m sorry on his behalf.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” You brushed it off politely. “See you again soon, Jaemin!”

Peddling away, letting the cool breeze fan you, your mind reverted its thoughts to that strange man. Maybe you’ll give it some time; you had a lot of it.

“Shucks, he was pretty cute.”

12 juin 1957

The world must really be on your side with these good decisions because you crossed paths with the strange man again in the café a week later. But instead of running away, he asked nicely if he could sit across your free chair in front of your table outside. It was a Saturday, and the place was packed.

“Joignez-moi, s’il vous plait.” (Join me, please.)

You insisted, giving yourself time to subtly observe his physique a lot more. Freckles dotted under his eyes like a constellation, bushy eyebrows, pink cheeks to match his pale complexion, and wearing a fuzzy knit sweater that meshed well with his green beret. He had some sort of necklace too; there was a heart pendant.

“Vous êtes une artiste.” (You’re an artist.) The small wooden palette of paint beside your small sketch pad was exposed, finding it as a great icebreaker.

“Une peintre, spécifiquement. Franchement, les visuels ici sont trés captivants qu'à Paris.” (A painter, to be specific. Frankly, the visuals here are more captivating than in Paris.)

“Je suis d’accord,” (I agree,) Jaehyun leaned against his chair, taking a better look at you with the remaining light from the descending sun.

“Oh, vous êtes comme moi. J’habite à Paris aussi.” (Oh, you’re like me. I live in Paris too.)

“Bon, je suis née à Londres. Puis, j’ai déménagé où je voulais en Europe depuis j'avais 18 ans. Mais oui, j’habite définitivement à Paris maintenant.” (Well, I was born in London then moved wherever I wanted in Europe for inspiration since I was 18. But yes, I live permanently in Paris now.)

You clarified, beginning to enjoy his comforting company. Initiating conversations with people you’re not acquainted with wasn’t in your range of skills, though he didn’t have an intimidating vibe. He looked too youthful to act like that.

“Je m’appelle (Y/N), d'ailleurs.” (I’m (Y/N), by the way.) You stuck out your hand as a sign of respect, which he enthusiastically obliged.

“Salut, (Y/N). Je m’appelle Jaehyun.” [Hi, (Y/N). I’m Jaehyun.]

He kissed it in a gentleman fashion, applying the manners he’s been taught since he was a child. Should you have been flustered, but no.  It’s been a long time since anyone greeted you like that, specifically back home.

Throughout your talk, you learned more about who he was, his job, and what his life in the countryside is like. He was an author of romance novels, yet you’ve never heard about him prior. Heavily prioritizing your work, you don’t keep up with the new releases or trends at all. Though after mentioning his last name, it piqued your interest.

“Jeong? As in the business, Jeong Tea Inc.?”

“Correct.”

His family was one of the most affluent families in Parisian society. Old money immigrants from South Korea, they brought their tea business to France and it boomed successfully. You’re quite sure you’ve seen his parents in past exhibits, but never did you approach them because you were a rookie then. But he reassured you that it was fine, and to just treat him like you’d treat your friends. Plus, it came to your knowledge that he was the same age as you too.

He opened up how this village was where he lived his childhood, so he asked his parents if he could hand over their mansion for a while for rest. It then shocked both of you at how identical your reasons were for staying in the countryside.

“I’m burnt out from the city, so I’m trying to regain my spirit here hopefully. Besides, I needed a change of scenery after living there for 3 years. My longest stay yet outside of London!”

“I need new ideas for my books. The cities don’t charm me anymore, so I returned here for peace and quiet. Maybe let these ideas come to me rather than me going after them.”

From a bigger lens, people would conclude your interaction as a sight of two artists who passionately talk about their art. But to you, you’d interpret it as two relaxed, young adults in their twenties who simply wanted to run away from the pressures of their art and enjoy the summer as every young adult should.

Not cooped up in the studio or office, but innocently waltzing around with your youth while it’s still there.

début de juillet 1957

“Dépêche-toi, (Y/N)!” [Hurry up, (Y/N)!]

Jaehyun yelled at your open balcony from downstairs, parking his mini car beside your bike. He planned on taking you somewhere a little farther this time; to absolutely feel like one of the locals.

The countryside urged you to wear more dresses and flat shoes, so you took out a turquoise dress with a white scarf to wrap on top of your head. Like your relaxed fit, your mindset too was calm. Upon meeting him, he wore his round spectacles with a red knit sweater over a white turtleneck long-sleeved top. His fingers were adorned with silver rings, then around his neck was a thin black ribbon. He curled some of his hair again, a style you really liked of his.

You can’t lie, but this man could pull any trend or style and still look extra pretty.

Out of all the locals you’ve befriended in your stay, Jaehyun was always your companion. He took you to varying places that those locals don’t visit nor tourists acknowledge in their reviews for the past few weeks. For someone who hasn’t been in the village for a long time, his memory didn’t disappoint. His childhood was only filled with cheerful moments.

Today, he was taking you to a peaceful district of shops in the farther part of the village. It’s where he’d buy sweets, journals, and accessories with his mother, Krystal, and one of his housemaids every other weekend.

All the stores there were currently bombarded with blooming flowers along their alley, bringing more enticement to those who were roaming around. There was so much life here; the head waiter of one restaurant smiling at every passing customer, one florist handing a free flower to anyone who asks, and a young lady showcasing her jewelry collection to a bunch of women who looked like tourists.

“Cette librairie vendent des livres enveloppés dans du papier. Ma mère m'a offerte l'un d'eux pour mon anniversaire tous les ans comme une surprise.” (This bookstore sells books wrapped in paper. My mother gifted me one of them on my birthday every year as a surprise.)

He trained his attention at a rustic shop with open wooden windows giving a glimpse of their shelves.

“Avez-vous fini les lisant?” (Have you finished reading them?)

“Du début à la fin.” (From cover to cover.)

He took you to this rooftop restaurant overlooking the entire plaza. Since he didn’t arrange a reservation yet didn’t get rejected, he must know the owner. Especially how a lot of the staff gave casual hellos and high fives.

Speaking of the owner, he walked out of his kitchen to introduce himself to you. He went by the name Moon Taeil, another one of Jaehyun’s childhood friends whom he used to play at his house whenever his parents came along.

Gobbling up in the appetizing food Taeil prepared beforehand, Jaehyun brought up your painting exhibition again. He loved hearing artists talk about their works, wanting to know more about their driven mindset and what their imagination is like. After all, it does vary for everyone.

“So far,” You poked your fork through the chicken, taking a bite of it. “I’ve produced 3 paintings. The garden of flowers outside Café des Étoiles Perdues, the kids playing hopscotch in the alley, and the peach tree outside your house.”

“Woah, you’re on a roll.” Jaehyun clapped across you, pouring you another glass of water. He recalled the nights you ranted not having any clue what to do for the exhibit. Then after taking you to more places, he’s rewarded to see you be creatively active again. “How many artworks do you left to make?”

“Around 3-4 left. I have ideas already, but I’m still brainstorming.” You internally rejoiced, loving how much progress you’ve made. “How about you, Jaehyun? How’s your progress?”

Unlike you, Jaehyun still felt stuck. Although he did find couples around the village, none of them intrigued him as much as his past stories. But he won’t give up easily; that’s not in his work ethic.

“Still searching, but I’ll get there.”

Recently, you got ahold of some of Jaehyun’s books from him personally since they weren’t sold in the village. You wanted to understand how he became so well known outside the labels people put him under. Reading his first novel entitled “Des Papillons” (Butterflies), it was about a couple separated during World War II without contact or knowledge about their well-being. Yet whenever they saw butterflies on the day they parted, they took it as a sign that the other was alive wherever they were.

You’re always hanging on the cliff when the scenes revert back and forth to the main male lead getting stuck in intense war scenarios, rooting for him to get out alive each time. In the end, it took 7 years before they were reunited and wed.

Jaehyun had a wonderful way with his words and descriptions, managing to enwrap you in as if you’re also a character in the book. Like how you rooted for that male lead, you’re rooting for him to find his spark again.

Following this uplifting conversation, Jaehyun finally took to your greatly anticipated spot. It was the main viewpoint of Gordes, one of the most beautiful hilltop villages in the country. The sunset was about to hit, and the lights from the city across you slowly turned on like a bunch of dominos.

As you marveled at its aesthetics, Jaehyun leaned against the hood of his car. He sensed how in awe you were, more than you ever were in the city he assumed. So used to the city that being surrounded with nature became foreign to you.

He took out his polaroid camera from his trunk and captured a photo of you from behind. The shutter sounds were obvious, turning your back at the commotion. Jaehyun fanned the freshly printed photo to dry, giving a mischievous smile.

“What can I say? While you’re fawning over the view, mine was more enamoring.”

Although Jaehyun felt overwhelmed the first time he locked eyes with you, he can’t resist the power of his developing feelings for you. The more time he took you around, the more his heart found different details about you to admire. After listening to all those love stories in the past, the people he spoke to shared how there will be some distinct moment where your heart decides who they’re longing for.

That exact view of you by the cliff, he already knew.

He’s infatuated by you.

“Tu es très ringard, Jaehyun.” (You’re so cheesy, Jaehyun.) You scoffed sassily, with a hand on your waist.

“Un gentleman ne ment jamais, (Y/N). Allez, il fait nuit maintenant.” [A gentleman never lies, (Y/N). Come on, it’s night already.]

He cleverly responded, grabbing his car keys from his pocket. The trip back to the village was energizing, putting down the roof of his car to relish the chill breeze of the night weather. You even raised your arms in the air, losing your scarf even from the speed Jaehyun went at!

The two of you belted along to the songs on the radio when the fields were the only ones surrounding you, no neighbors to shout at your rambunctiousness.

The late-night hours drew by so quickly almost like dinner with more of Jaehyun’s friends didn’t happen. Arriving at the front doors of your apartment complex, Jaehyun raced over to your side to open your door. Always maintained proper observation of manners, you appreciated that side of him. Rarely anyone in Paris that you’ve encountered treated you that way because you were a foreigner.

“Bonsoir, (Y/N).” [Goodnight, (Y/N).]

“Bonsoir, Jaehyun. Quand est-ce que je te revois?” (Goodnight, Jaehyun. When can I see you again?)

“Demain et après-demain. Appelle-moi quand tu es libre.” (Tomorrow, and the day after that. Just give me a call when you’re free.)

With a short wave, you entered your building and marched up to the stairs. A good day only meant being tired to the core, ready to crash and fall in your soft bed. Opening your wide windows to let more of the cool breeze in, your eyes easily caught Jaehyun’s classy car still there. As for the owner, he didn’t move an inch from his leaning position.

“Rentre à la maison, Jaehyun! C’est tard!” (Go home, Jaehyun! It’s late!) You shrieked, peeking side to side to make sure none of the neighbors scold you.

Jaehyun laughed wholeheartedly, not budging at all. “La nuit ne fait que commencer, ma chérie.” (The night has just begun, my darling.)

“Comment tu m'as appelé?” (What did you call me?)

Either your ears were fooling you or he addressed you by a divine pet name. The gasp you swallowed, as your entire body tingled with exhilaration. Your mind would simply disregard it like his former teasing words, but your heart begged to differ.

Rather than responding with words, Jaehyun’s voice serenaded you with a wondrous song, C’est Si Bon by Eartha Kitt, that played on the radio earlier. Out of the blue, a random guitar accompaniment followed his baritone vocals.

“En voyant notre mine ravie,”

Against the railing of your wired balcony, your body shifted forward to watch him better.

“Les passants dans la rue, nous envient,”

Your hand perched on your cheek, admiring his talent.

“C'est si bon de guetter dans ses yeux,”

It was like a lullaby, and here you were drowning in its peacefulness. Sensing the passion he gives off in his singing, your heart couldn’t refrain the strings inside from being swayed and tugged.

This was your moment of realization: that you too were smitten.

“Un espoir merveilleux, qui donne le frisson…”

À la mi-juillet de 1957

“Hello, nature!” You greeted brightly as your legs raced the huge garden in his manor. It was the first time he invited you over, too lazy to go out of the city. His social battery needed a recharge for the weekend, so a picnic within his home would do the trick. Additionally, it was an excuse to bring you over after the numerous times you’ve begged him to.

Jaehyun merely shook his head, enjoying the rush of childlike fun in your veins while you squealed and grazed your hands through the flowers.

He carried a wooden basket full of treats his family maids cooked, taking his time to venture through the rows of flowers. They were growing healthily and phenomenally these days, sometimes riding his bike to personally water them since he became busy with writing again. Lately, he found inspiration again, and so he wrote day and night to set them free.

“Voila!” You yanked out a sunflower, sniffing it a little. “Come on, Jaehyun! Pick up a few for our lunch!”

He followed your order, picking out some he found ideal. But just for fun, he put down the basket and carried you from behind out of the blue. You tried kicking him away, but his muscular arms can’t compete with your soft ones.

“What are you doing?”

“You said to pick up a flower, so I did. The prettiest of them all.”

His flirtatious words were never serious, yet you took it as a compliment. That’s how high your confidence is. Only we define our own worth, not others. The two of you chatted more about your lives until the first rain of the season poured down, chilling down from the raging heat. None of you had an umbrella; the weather was too unpredictable.

Deciding to just run for it, he gave you the wooden basket to protect yourself whilst he used the blanket you’ve sat on. Running with laughter to return to his mansion in the muddy dirt, the cool drops shivered your figure yet felt fantastic.

If you were in the city, you’d panic because it’d mess your appearance and your boss would be infuriated by your unprofessionalism. But in the countryside, it didn’t matter at all. The condition of the rain wasn’t budging to improve, getting stronger by the minute. His entire house even lost power, his housemaids having to bring candles to his bedroom and your assigned one once night dawned.

It was hopeless to return home for you, plus it’s dangerous to drive in in the dark, narrow streets too. Jaehyun handed you some of his fresh clothes so you’d be free from flinching from cold dress sticking to your body.

“Get dressed and some sleep, (Y/N).”

Nodding, you excused yourself to find the bathroom. You’d assume it’d be easy, but this was your first time in his house; a mansion even. Doors from left to right, long corridors that seemed never-ending, no maids were within the vicinity whom you can ask for guidance.

Resorting to return to Jaehyun’s chamber for help, you were taken aback by what your eyes laid on. In front of his full mirror, he discarded his now-dried shirt. Even with the dim lighting, you could make out that he was fit by the transparent view of his abdomen. Peeping like this was wrong, yet you couldn’t turn away just yet. The heat in your cheeks was inevitable, finding composure in such an unholy sight.

Though a gear in you suddenly twisted; a gear that straightened your nerves. You’re taking a bold move on the chessboard of your feelings. Wholly opening his bedroom door again, you leisurely sauntered inside without warning.

“Oh, (Y/N)! Ne peux pas trouver la salle de bain?” (Oh, (Y/N)! Can’t find the bathroom?)

Unbothered as he stood shirtless, you on the other hand silently dropped his clothes on the floor. Holding intense eye contact, your fingers graciously unzipped the side of your dress. Inch by inch, the tension built up like the strong tiny flames lit on the candles around you two. Joining the pile of clothes, all that remained were your white lace undergarments. Unplanned for the get-go, it’s the ideal set for your earlier outfit at the picnic.

“Je me suis perdue, mais je pense avoir trouvé quelque chose de mieux.” (I got lost, but I think I found something better.)

Your fingers grazed your arm up to your collarbones, faking your naivety. From your lust-filled stare, the glint in Jaehyun’s eyes darkened. He gulped at the revealing sight of you, brushing his hair back to restrain himself.

None of you could utter a single word, only the vivacious rain being the only sounds ringing around you. Thus, you allowed your actions to pursue precisely what you desired to do.

Taking baby steps towards him to test the waters, he met you right in the center and closed the leftover space. His hands cradled your face, whilst yours clung to his chest. His lips tasted like red wine, watching him pour in a glass for himself earlier. He did offer, yet you declined.

Your tongue darted his lower lip, gaining access after. Sensing the edge of his bed, you plopped yourself down the cushion. His knee urged your legs to widen, letting his body slide in. From your face, his fingers lowered to the back of your bra, snapping the clasps open.

“It takes skill to accomplish that in one try, Jaehyun.”

“I lived in Paris too, ma chérie. You out of all people would understand and have the experience.”

His palms massaged your freed breasts, throwing your head back even more to his pillows as his lips ravaged down from your stomach until the fabric of your not-so pure panties.

“Call me that again, please.”

“Ma chérie, seras-tu mienne?” (My darling, will you be mine?) He kissed and licked the tiny ribbon in front repeatedly, where your now-swollen clit laid. It electrified your bones, pulling on to his ruffled hair.

“Tu peux m'avoir.” (You can have me.)

Sex in the form of one-night stands were all you’ve invested; upcoming artists like you weren’t capable to maintain long-term relationships. Les plans à trois even if you’re extra freaky or drunk from the afterparties of your events. All that these occurrences had in common were not seeing those men ever again after sneaking out of their apartments in the morning.

This time, it’s different.

When they said that doing the deed with someone you’re romantically entangled with was more special, they didn’t bluff. You could plan bits of your life, but it can sometimes change aspects of it when you least expect it. Sometimes for the best or the worst, but right now, it went beyond your expectations.

It’s rewarding that the man you’ve slowly fallen for within your stay returned your affections.

Around late 3 am that night, your brain jolted with artistic ideas that awoken your sonorous rest. There are no hopes of sleeping them off because they tend to bother you for hours until you do something about it. But you’re already so cozy having Jaehyun’s arms around you, skin to skin under the duvet. His lips daunted right above your forehead, recalling his endless kisses there that helped you fall asleep.

Well, these ideas don’t work themselves unless you do. Untangling him tactfully, you stepped out of the blanket and wore one of his long white shirts he gave you earlier before pulling out your sketchpad and palette of oil paints.

Luckily, there was still one available candle to use as the rest have melted indefinitely. You slid the matchstick again to the sand surface, boring a flame from the friction which you placed on top of the wick.

All your ideas that night leaned towards one thing, or person rather: Jaehyun.

You spent a few minutes retracing how he vividly looked at the picnic, leaning back from the chair of his work desk. His outfit of a turquoise turtleneck underneath a white button-top with trousers matching the said turtleneck looked good together, how his ears tingled red after you complimented his newfound inspiration for his book, and the prominent veins in his arms when he rolled his sleeves due to the heat.

The thin brush you held defined the shape of his face, then paying attention to the messy strands of his hair. Stroking in a circular way to outline his eyelids, a hoarse grunt disturbed the peaceful silence.

“Get back in bed, ma chérie.” His eyes drowsily opened, lying on his side. The moment he no longer felt your warmth, he worried something happened. Instead, you’re working late at night after quite a rough yet romantic night.

“Shush,” You shunned him down with your index finger. “Give me a few more minutes.”

“Perhaps, are you painting me?” He hunched from the covers. “Your eyes looking back and forth would never lie to me, would they?”

“Maybe…” You teased, batting your eyes at him without any risky intentions. Or not?

He deeply chuckled, sluggishly removing himself under the covers. In his pure nudity, he advanced himself towards you. You shrieked, covering yourself with your free hand.

“Jaehyun, stay back! I told you I’ll be there soon!”

Not listening, he carried your bridal style, making you drop your precious palette to the fur rug. Laying you carefully, he popped each button open. By the sight of his cock hardening again, you knew you were in for another round with him.

“Wet again, ma chérie? Oh, this will be fun.”

Fin de juillet 1957

So this kind of summer romance concept that everyone fantasized about… it became your present.

Together you’d stroll in the smaller streets and immerse yourselves in the unique culture of the village. Whenever anyone saw you together, holding hands, biking, or what-not, they’d praise in the name of love for bringing you both together. A romance like yours in the countryside was a lively sight.

Remember how extensions were a possibility if your search for inspiration wasn’t found? Well, it’s not a question that you’d make one, except inspiration found you instead. And he had one arm around you as he slow danced with you in the open grounds of the village, listening to the live band covering song classics.

In particular, Chet Baker. He was Jaehyun’s favorite artist at the moment.

There was an ongoing week-long festival dedicated to summer, giving more plants their bloom and spreading gratitude to the hardworking people. Especially the students, off on their break.

The faint radiance from the post lights as Jaehyun swayed you around, making you laugh as he tried to mumble the lyrics of the song. All those glasses of wine he tried earlier with you from the bartender offering it for free had its effects, and you weren’t off the hook from them either.

Blisters started to form from your ankles, adjusting to the new pair of heels Jaehyun gave (or insisted to buy) you a while ago after staring at them like lasers. You’ve always provided things for yourself that being spoiled by someone else felt weird to you.

“If there’s anything you want me to buy for you, just tell me.”

“How can I buy you if you’re already mine?”

His smooth talk often made you punch his shoulder, but it’s just a mechanism to hide the exhilaration.

Under each other’s spells in your dance, you laid your head on Jaehyun’s chest. Feeling the strong beat of his heart, you were reminded of how much life he’s filled with. And you became a part of it, in the same way he crossed yours.

Jaehyun’s lips sank to the top of your head, pecking it affectionately. The first-ever summer where he wasn’t stuck at his desk working or drinking his life away with his rich friends in their Parisian homes, it couldn’t get better than this.

“Oiii! Flirtez ailleurs!” (Oiii! Flirt somewhere else!) The distinct voice of Jaemin, handing out pastries to passersby, shouted at the both of you, making you flip your middle finger at him.

“Trouve une copine d’abord, d’accord?!” (Find a girlfriend first, alright?!) You shouted back jokingly, almost falling due to the ache of your feet. Your immodest behavior was censored by Jaehyun’s large palms, not wanting the kids around to see it. Whispering closely to your ear,

“Tu es ivre. Laisse-moi te ramener chez toi.” (You’re drunk. Let me take you home.)

You changed back into your sandals as Jaehyun led you through the different alleys. Your vision was too hazy to navigate, so he had one arm wrapped around your shoulders. The weather grew cold too, shivering your bones so he draped you in his blazer.

“Wait,” You stopped, making him do the same. But before he could ask for your reason, your hands yanked him by his suspenders and your legs walked backward to reach the brick wall. Standing in his 5’11 glory, you were overpowered.

Yet your lips captured his effortlessly, raising to your toes to press yourself closer to him. He moved fast, one arm hugging your waist while the other hoisted your leg up. Tangling around his waist, the urge to move your hips against his crotch couldn’t be contained any longer.

Everyone was probably still out at this time or sleeping. The sloppy sounds you’ve produced were beyond suitable for any audience. Not to mention, the nasty words Jaehyun’s pretty mouth spoke in your ears desired you to fall to your knees.

“Not afraid of getting caught, ma chérie? You want me to ruin you right here, right now?”

“God, Jaehyun,” Your hands tugged his belt forward, the friction it gave to your core twitched the naughty side out of you. “Do it, please.”

The idea of public sex thrilled your mind into overdrive, yet you’ve never done it. In Paris, a city where several people started to know your name, you didn’t need a scandal to be plastered in your resume yet.

Jaehyun himself included, and still opted not to give it to you.

“Another time, ma chérie. Your apartment, now.”

The moment you unlocked your apartment door, Jaehyun was far from gentle like in the mansion. Ripping you out of your frilly dress didn’t take long, so was unbuttoning his trousers down to the floor.

On your knees, his hand gave you a makeshift ponytail as your tongue flicked the slit of his cock. Then slowly taking him inch by inch on your mouth, you’d let out a loud pop when you needed to breathe. Your hands fondling his balls, he groaned from the edge of your bed and tightened his hold on you. Tears formulated in your eyes as you got to swallow him whole, uncontrollably bobbing your head.

He felt like putty when he released, your throat taking the salty base. You hastily unhooked your bra in front of him when suddenly, his hand flicked on the fabric of your panties, cueing you to stop your motion.

“Keep them on when you ride me.”

Straddling on his lap, his head laid against the headboard of his bed. His arms roaming around your back to stabilize you, your fingers pushed your panties to the side as you pushed yourself down his protected length. Your moans became shaky. Up and down, you bounced while bracing on his shoulders.

Against his ear, your moans were harmonious. His hips moved against your beat, hitting your g-spot like the sexual ace he is. His thumb rubbing your clit, you shuttered your eyes at the impending high approaching you like a bus.

“I’m close.” You choked out, the overstimulation overwhelming your nerves.

“Fuck, me too.” He grunted, slapping your butt that made you shriek.

Soon enough, everything hit you both all at once. The knot snapped, and so did your body falling on his chest after a single scream. Panting, Jaehyun pecked on your temple as his cock softened up. Once you returned to your senses, you lifted yourself from his length, laying bare beside him.

His eyes started to fall, but before they did, he muttered huskily. “Je t’aime, (Y/N).”

It was the first time he’s said those words in the way they meant, and he’s more than certain that it’s what he felt with you. Sure, it started as mutual infatuation, but now, it can’t leave. Not on his watch.

Love was a concept unfamiliar to you, but Jaehyun slowly taught you what it was and how it felt like. Books and films may give sneak peeks, but to personally give and receive it back was made possible by him.

From this moment on, you could conclude that yes, you reciprocated it.

“Je t’aime aussi, Jaehyun.”

16 octobre 1957

Autumn made its way to the countryside.

The leaves switched into red-brown shades, the weather in the south was warmer, and the wine harvest was highly anticipated. Jaehyun’s camera was a common item in your outings, taking as many photos as he could so the two of you had something to look back on.

Planned and candid, his range was wide. These were moments that proved that your youth was as happy as you wished it to be. You wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

Painting in his mansion was a regular thing, having new canvases prepared at his patio. There were so many items that amused you there like you could base your entire collection on his home. It’s not like Jaehyun could argue; it meant more time with you whenever you came over.

“Jaehyun, if you smudge paint on me, so help me Go-” He refused to listen to your “threats”, smearing black paint on your cheek.

“You were saying?” He cockily pestered, showcasing his paint-filled fingers. You dipped one of your brushes into the new paint and chased after him without hesitation. The entire evening became a paint war, a laugh fit even after seeing your reflections in the mirror. But before you could clean yourself, Jaehyun’s camera was by your face and he pressed the button.

“Still breathtaking.”

But the middle of the season arrived, that’s where your planned extension you’ve reached its end. The exhibit was next month, getting calls from your boss regarding your return and the paintings you’ll present. You informed her that you already had them mailed to your studio way back, so there’s nothing much to worry about.

All your bags were packed in the private car Jaehyun rented. Here, you’re bidding your goodbyes to every friend you’ve made outside the doors of your apartment complex, saving your last words with Jaehyun.

The night before, he stayed over and helped you pack your last items in luggage bags. He even brought extra clothes for you so you wouldn’t work extra. You’ve talked it out the whole evening through what happens next to ease your worries. In your bed, he opened the wide windows and pulled you under the sheets.

“Write to me.”

“Call me when you’re free, or whenever you feel like it.”

Leaning against the railing of the stairs, watched the sorrow in your face over this parting. He sensed how bittersweet everything was, but he wouldn’t change anything about it. He’s positive that your story won’t end here, not right now.

Sauntering to him, you sighed whilst taking your bag he held the whole time from him. His touch was tighter as the two of you hugged tenderly, nuzzling his head on your shoulder. The scent of his citrus cologne that implanted in your brain felt comforting, despite the uncertainty of everything between you.

You hinted a minty taste from the menthol candies from his home as his lips brushed yours, colliding it timely. He waited when everyone left, relishing these last seconds.

Stepping inside the vehicle, you waved your summer love farewell one more time before the driver hit the pedal. Your eyes couldn’t stray away from looking back, the distance between him and your former apartment widening. Only when he was no longer in the frame, you shifted your focus back in front.

Your fingers fiddled with the charm bracelet he gifted you from the market. It was custom-made by a jeweler who was great friends with his mother in his younger years. There were two pendants chained on it: a paintbrush and the sun.

“A paintbrush to remind you of your passion, and the sun to remind you of the summer we first met.”

The man was like one of his romance books, in human form. He knew how to catch your breath effortlessly.

Your stay, for now, may have concluded, but there was always next summer. And the ones after that. The village felt like a second home, one you can’t neglect like the other places you’ve lived. Then having Jaehyun here, the more reasons to return.

Undoubtedly the best vacation you’ve ever been in your adult years, one that didn’t sacrifice for your art so you could compete with other artists. The weight on your chest poofed into thin air, and you felt ready for what the next steps as a painter were.

Appreciating the greenery you passed by, you peeked over the side mirror of the car only to find Jaehyun quickly biking in your direction.

Now, what was he up to?

You instantly requested the driver to slow down his pace, rolling down the window of the car. Not caring about the strong winds, “You fool, what are you doing?!”

Although he trusted your last words, he had the greed to see your face again. It would be a long time until he’ll see you in person again. So he pedaled as fast he could to still reach you. Oh, the things you do when you’re in love.

“Mon cœur bat la chamade pour toi, (Y/N)!” [My heart beats loudly for you, (Y/N)!]

You giggled at his silliness, throwing out flying kisses.

“Je reviendrai bientôt, Jaehyun!” (I’ll come back soon, Jaehyun!)

21 octobre 1957

Only your friends at the studio gave you a warm welcome back, receiving comments like “get back to work” from your first encounter with your boss. Popping a champagne glass open after work hours on the rooftop of your studio, they interrogated you with all the questions they could think of.

“So this village in Provence…. was it beautiful as the tourists said?” Ten, who moved from his home in Thailand to Paris at a young age, expressed his curiosity whilst leaning against the railing overlooking the Eiffel Tower.

“Beautiful is an understatement, Ten. I miss it dearly!” You heaved a sigh, twirling your glass.

“So this inspiration you were looking for…” Amélie, your dear friend since your university days, created some tension as she prolonged her last word. Playfulness twinkled in her eyes, crossing her legs. “Was a person involved by any chance?”

For a moment, your throat almost gagged on the sizzling alcohol going down.

“What do you mean?” You acted clueless, pouring your now empty glass with more booze. But the moment Ten gave you the troublesome look coordinating with Amélie, you already knew you wouldn’t hear the end of it. These two were such gossips in and out of the studio.

Ten took the seat across you on the table and leaked all his pent-up information.

“So you know Seo Youngho, the only son of the Seo family. Rich, socialite, a total hotshot… yeah, all that jazz.” He dived in, seeing you nod over knowing that man. Someone in the past you’ve slept with, but that’s another story. “Well, Amelie and I attended one of his parties at his large penthouse. He had his usual crowd there; Kim Doyoung, Lee Taeyong, Nakamoto Yuta, and Lee Minhyung. But fun fact: there’s another member in that friend group who doesn’t go to these kinds of events.”

“Here’s where it gets interesting,” Amélie excitedly took off like the pipelette (chatterbox) she is. “Youngho, who was talking to us for a bit, asked where you’ve run off. Poor him, he must’ve missed you in his bed but anyway! We told him that you went down south somewhere in Provence for a break. Oddly enough, he mentioned how the mentioned member moved back there for the same reason.”

Ten and Amélie gave each other another frisky look, merely to piss you off. So predictable of them.

“Get to the point please!” You screeched.

“Jeong Jaehyun, ever heard of him?” Amélie imitated your tone of voice. “I mean, you should since you made a whole painting of him.”

“H-How,” Speechless, that’s what you were. Ten went on a fit of giggles, signaling the build-up of his intoxication.

“Youngho visited the studio to find a specific painting for his home, and we helped him in choosing. Then when your deliveries of paintings arrived that day and were unwrapped, the look on his face when he saw Jaehyun’s painting was priceless. Things started to add up, especially when he told us that he called up Jaehyun prior, he said that Jaehyun was seeing a girl during his stay there.”

“A young, burnt-out painter from Paris, to be specific.”

They’ve put you on the edge of the cliff, and it was too close to call it a coincidence. Of all things to be revealed, this had to be the first.

“Well, I was waiting for another time to tell you guys about him though.”

Their gasps of joy could give you guys a noise complaint by the neighbors, telling all about your escapades of him and you. During it, the more you missed seeing him daily either on his bike or his car. It was stuck in your routine, but now it’s reverted to your old one.

Could the next summer come any faster?

14 février 1958

Perhaps your newest collection at the Louvre was your most successful one yet.

Entitled “Inspirez, Expirez” (Breathe In, Breathe Out), your sceneries during your stay in the village varied. An old couple slow dancing under the night sky, and the quiet district of shops Jaehyun took you, those were some of your last additions.

A multitude of positive reviews on the newspapers and art magazines came in, commending on taking on a fresher, brighter outlook for a change whilst finding your spark again. As fulfilling it was, what you longed the most was the one responsible for it.

Lately, it’s been tough to contact him. His maids always answered the calls, informing you that he was busy with work or family matters. It’s so rare for him to act like this. Whatever it was, it wasn’t grand or serious hopefully.

Back to your collection, tonight was the last night of it. Just in time for Valentine’s day, where numerous socialite lovers embarked on this event, but you’re more fixated that it was also Jaehyun’s birthday. A boy full of love born on the day dedicated for it, things made more sense. In case, you’ve sent your birthday wishes to him through letter and passing the message to one of his maids. Even on his special day, he hasn’t reached out to you.

But to momentarily forget about that, there was a closing ceremony held for this exhibit with the other artists involved, and it was your turn to give your final remarks. More esteemed socialites and journalists were present, which didn’t halt your nerves the slightest. You were a professional after all, holding pride in your craft as you stood in front of the microphone wearing your new favorite custom-made gown.

There are perks when you have close friends in the fashion industry, specifically Kim “Key” Kibum from the House of Key. After defending him from a disrespectful client when you were picking up a dress for your boss during your internship years, not only did you earn his respect, but an invite to his shows and first claiming of new items from his collections. Dining in expensive restaurants in the metro was a plus, catching up on your lives. Sometimes calling each other out for your sexcapades too.

Speaking of him, he was in the crowd that night, ordering every photographer to take photos of your gorgeous self in one of his dresses. Or in your opinion, bribing some by how he stuffed a few thick stacks of Euro bills down their pockets.

Only one of it ever made. A dark green satin v-neck off-the-shoulder gown, where diamonds adorned your neck and ears and white stilettos kept your perfect balance. Also courtesy of Key.

Because it’s the winter season, he gifted you a limited edition white fur coat every socialite tried getting their hands on. Your hair was styled in a bun, emphasizing your dark tinted lips from this new lipstick Amelie insisted you buy.

Most people would get the first impression that you were one of the socialites, a child from one of the affluent families even. But you were a lot more remarkable than that, having inborn talent in the arts that you specialized over your youth and rising to the top without any parental help.

“Thank you to everyone for their endless support towards the magnificent collections of each artist present. As for mine, I am grateful to rechannel my creative side by taking a break. Rather than romanticizing overworking our bones to the core, there’s nothing wrong with taking a step back from the pressure. Being alive is a blessing, realizing further how our youth won’t stay with us forever. Being away from the boisterous cities, I found relaxation in the countryside of Provence.”

Your lips quirked into a grin as every single memory during that time reeled in your head like a movie. “The beauty of Provence cannot be simply put in words. The muses I’ve encountered were more than lovely, especially the man behind the Poetic Rose. With that, I sincerely thank everyone from my bottom of my heart and I hope to continue to support me in the years to come.”

The applause roared once you stepped down the platform, shaking hands with every esteemed guest with more gratitude as they praised you. These days, socializing with them was a lot easier. You’ve even taken more initiative to greet people first before they do, conversing with them easily about anything.

Key definitely noticed that as you toured him around your section, holding his nth glass of wine for the night.

“You, Madame (Y/N), transformed into a social butterfly.” He nudged your shoulder, smirking once he got a better view of his favorite painting from you. “I guess that’s the thing when you’re in love.”

“I beg your pardon?”

With this free hand, he motioned it up and down at the painting in front of you. “The Poetic Rose is none other than the youngest son of the Jeong family, whom I’ve met through his older sister, Krystal.”

“Am I really the only one who doesn’t know him?!” You stressed, jokingly. Key was elated to capture you in his trap, the changes of your personality too evident in his eyes. Figuring it out that it was love took a while, but being acquainted with Krystal, she’s the one who told him that her younger brother was in love with a painter in Provence. Do the math.

“I’ve met him through his older sister, one of my highly favored clients. He’s not much of a socialite like her, so I don’t really blame you for that.”

Searching for a waiter to refill your wine glasses, a surprise emerged the both of you.

“Madame Krystal, you’re absolutely stunning.”  Key complimented her, giving the engaged heiress of Jeong Tea Inc. kisses on the cheek as respect. Her recent engagement to Kim Donghyun, her childhood sweetheart and also the heir of Kim Couture, was the talk of the town.

They arrived at the event together, drawing the attention of everyone in the room earlier. Now, he was speaking to a few influential socialites he made a deal with this week about the art collections present.

“Key, you never fail to look fantastic,” She remarked positively, poking his necktie before placing her undivided attention on you. “So you must be (Y/N) (Y/L/N). You’re beyond bewildering in that gown.”

“Flattered to hear that, Madame Krystal. Such a pleasure to meet you.”

The three of you chatted as if you were the only people there. From art, passion, and love, pride filled in your chest when you toured your collection. It was like walking down memory lane for her, adding out how she used to climb the peach tree with her younger brother during their childhood. Once her eyes laid on Poetic Rose, she took her time admiring it.

“My younger brother grew up well. That’s all I could ever hope for as his only older sister.” She paused, noticing how silent you became when you stared at the painting along with her. She observed the passion lit in your eyes, yet there was longing behind it by the way your lips pouted briefly. “You must really love him, do you?”

“I do, truly. After meeting him, not only was I boosted with so much ideas, but my heart embraced him for what and who he is in this universe.” You professed confidently, earning an approving smile from Krystal.

“If that’s how you feel, why not tell him that yourself?”

Her fingers gestured you to turn around. Stood in a grey suit with his brown hair slicked back, it was like seeing a completely new person. A handsome one though. His fashion in the countryside heavily differed from his fashion in the cities. So sophisticated and refined, he looked like a prince straight out of a fairytale.

Your fairytale.

“Jaehyun.”

It’s like everything stopped once he sprinted towards you, pulling you off your feet for a snug hug. Your arms threw themselves on his neck by instinct, not wasting a single second in his grasp. Your nose inhaled the woody scent of his cologne, something more formal than his usual fruity scent.

The smell of aftershave in his jaw couldn’t go ignored either, assuming that he must have had plans to go out tonight. Nonetheless, you squealed as if you were back in Provence, giggling at his boldness. Once he put you down, neither of you could get your hands off each other.

“What are you doing here? You didn’t tell me you’d be in Paris!” Clutching your waist, you gazed at him with doe-like eyes, instilling confusion.

“J’ai voulu te surprendre, my chérie.” (I wanted to surprise you, my darling.)

He chuckled, pushing some straying strands of your hair behind your ear. His eyes evoked so much endearment towards this elegant look you prepared, making his heart race as if he were in the gardens of his manor again.

Hearing his petname for you again attacked your heart every time no matter how much time passed, he lifted your chin high. Jaehyun urged himself to kiss you senseless right there, leaning lower. And yes, you anticipated it by how your eyes instantly closed.

Only if it weren’t for Krystal to clear her throat, obviously ruining the mood. Flinching away from your sensual lover, you rubbed the nape of your neck. Towards an heiress like her, it must’ve been unprofessional.

“Couldn’t you at least wait until I left, younger brother?” Her fingers flicked Jaehyun’s forehead, a teasing trick they used to do as kids. Even if she was a lot shorter now, it didn’t mean the impact was weak. He cursed under his breath, covering his forehead.

Stifling your laughter was a failure, crinkling your eyes to unleash your emotions. So this is what their sibling dynamic was like?

“Now excuse me, older sister. You didn’t tell me you were visiting the exhibit after my birthday dinner with our parents?” He crossed his arms, exchanging a judgmental look. For his sake, he wanted to maintain his pride. “All you said after dinner was that you were going straight home with your fiancé after all the alcohol mother gave you because it made you lightheaded.”

“Well, you know Key and his persuasiveness. He insisted I attend this event last minute because all the collections were amazing.” She explained, shedding a subtle glance at you. “Plus, it’s an excuse to finally meet this lovely girl you raved so much through your letters.”

Jaehyun kept his family life private, so this piece of information was new to you. The unpredicted way the fluttering feeling drew in your stomach, all you could do was smile from the flattery.

“He spoke about me to you?”

“More than speak, my dear. He practically professed his love for you, asking me advice on how to court a girl, make them smile, etcetera. You’re the first girl he’s been this affectionate with, and I completely understand now.” She patted your shoulder, hopeful. She had such a strong older sister vibe, reminding you of your older siblings back home. “You’re a clever, talented woman. I look forward to seeing you more often.”

As you nodded in approval, she turned towards her brother with her recurring teasing look. “Yah, Jaehyun. You better take care of her. If she ever sheds a tear because of you, I’m hunting you down in the gardens.”

“Harsh of you, Krystal.” He planted his hand on his chest, feigning pain. “But no worries. Having you and mother around me kept me well-mannered towards women growing up.”

Playfulness aside, Krystal felt honored towards her younger brother. Men these days maintained their sexist beliefs and rudeness, especially those who doubted her high position in the family business once her father stepped down. Nowadays, it’s men like Jaehyun who could really challenge the patriarchy and make women pursue a lot more than being limited as a housewife.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now please excuse me, I’ll be on my way.”

Krystal waltzed her way out without tripping from her slight intoxication, which Jaehyun worried about earlier. But anyway, that left him alone with you. Filled with so many questions, you didn’t know where to start.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Paris? Why didn’t you acknowledge my birthday wishes to you? Why aren’t you answering my calls and letters?” You blurted without wasting a breath, weren’t trying to come off as needy, but it became peculiar when he was contacting you like usual.

You pushed off thinking of the worst scenarios, not wanting it to ruin your drive and your emotions either. Yet you trusted Jaehyun enough to know he wasn’t the type of person either.

“Okay slow down, ma chérie.” His hands maneuvered for you to stop for a bit. “Ask me one by one and I’ll give you a solid answer for each while we roam around.”

He arrived in Paris last week, which was initially for work. Then his birthday clashing was a coincidence. It would be too lonely to go home and celebrate his special day alone, so he extended. But again, it’s his work that caused his abrupt contact.

When you were too busy delving into the success of recovering your inspiration, he also found his spur to write again too. Day and night, his mind kept him tedious with an endless trail of thoughts and words. Overall, he finalized it then brought the end product to the same publishing house where his books in the past went through.

In fact, he decided to publish them specifically today on his birthday. The only day in his itinerary he planned, where after publishing, he’d hang out with his friends, have dinner with his family then run off to reunite with you.

“I didn’t intend to make you feel like a second choice, so please forgive me for that, ma chérie.”

“All is forgiven, Jaehyun.” You held both his hands, kissing them tenderly out of habit. “I’m overjoyed that you rekindled your creative side again.”

You were so understanding and empathetic, and Jaehyun aimed to act that way too. He learned so much from you as his friend before being his lover. Quickly enough, you’re both back to his portrait in the center. Like a critic, he narrowed his eyes and scrunched his nose. Tapping his chin with his finger,

“This man in Poetic Rose, he’s quite dashing.” He commented with conceit, walking closer to it to view it better. “His freckles are on point, his dimples and dazzling eyes too. Why exactly is he described as a Poetic Rose?”

“Well sir,” You stood beside him, imitating his actions. “This man here always spoke so eloquently, like he had a very poetic approach on life. He reminded me also of a rose by his rosy tinted cheeks and his beauty. He was alluring inside and out.”

“Is he your favorite muse?”

“I never quoted him as a muse because he’s more than that. Muses can be replaced once they no longer serve purpose towards the artist. Though with him, he’s the never-ending flame that I want to keep for the rest of time."

You held on to his hand, interlocking your fingers with his. The apparent reddening of his ears proved that he was flustered, yet you spoke no lies.

“Joyeux anniversaire, ma flamme.” (Happy birthday, my flame.)

“Merci beaucoup, ma chérie.” (Thank you, my darling.)

Something about his new release piqued your attention so you brought it up again.

“So tell me about your new book.”

“Let me show you instead.” Inside the blazer, there was an inner pocket that sealed a small hardbound book. Taking it out, he handed it over to you. “This is your copy.”

The cover of the book had an illustration of two young adults running down the fields under the bright sun, with the title written in cursive and placed in the center.

“L’Été de 1957.” (The Summer of 1957.)

Like a child who received a new gift in the mail, you flipped the book open. Seeing the table of contents and credits to other important people involved in the process, there was a detailed dedication right before the starting chapter. It’s an unexpected page, noticing that he never put anything like this in his last works.

“Pour ma chérie, qui a peint les couleurs manquantes de ma vie.” (For my darling, who painted the missing colors of my life.)

Although Jaehyun planned to write about the couples he met in the countryside, he chose to change his perspective. Instead, he based this new book on your summer romance, installing more original characters who made your romance blossom more.

“I was once so engaged in listening to people’s love stories, hung up on what they felt.” He expounded, pacing around the floor whilst you skimmed through the pages. There were black and white photos from your adventures too to wrap the reader further in the story.

“While I was struggling to find the next story, I realized late that my story with you was a perfect choice. When I fell in love with you, it’s like I didn’t have to fret anymore about anything. Everything slowly yet surely aligned into place for me. Like how we found inspiration in each other.”

A poetic speaker meant having a poetic, wise mind. You kept an open mind whenever Jaehyun shared his thoughts on life with you, an intimate time that didn’t require using your bodies. Whether you were stargazing or drinking wine by his patio, his soulful personality never changed.

“So I recapped every single memory we had and compiled them,” He resumed, taking a closer step towards yours. His warm hands grasped your waist again, catching a glimpse of your astonished face. Mostly, towards your lips that he missed feeling against his.

“This book expressed my own take on love this time, the one I want to grow in.”

You’d care less if you dropped the book and your coat right there, your major desire to kiss him again was driving your senses to the edge of a cliff. Nothing could’ve braced yourself the second you fervently collided your lips with his. It didn’t feel like you were in this exhibit, but somewhere back in his mansion engulfed in each other’s presence.

Your legs almost melted by your daring move, if it weren’t for Jaehyun’s arm moving upwards to your back to stabilize you more. Your body tingled with goosebumps due to his relaxing fingers all over your body. His tongue caved in your lips, and you couldn’t ban its access.

Such an explicit sight, it felt forbidden as you were inches away from the public crowd. Yet it was the least of your worries if they made a big fuss over it. Jaehyun was here again with you, and that was more valuable to you. He savored every trace of your touches, taking his delicate time with you. No past birthday could defeat this, especially when it’s the first one to celebrate with you. The first of many.

As much you wanted to keep this up for hours, your lungs started feeling constricted of air so your lips timidly let go. Though your hands couldn’t, your overwhelmed eyes couldn’t shift away from the heart-stopping view of your lover. Wherein even after such a fearless session, his eyes fused with love and need with his plumper lips.

“Everything about Provence, especially you, that’s the life I want.” You confessed this concealed secret that’s revolved your head for a while now. Yet its certainty was true.

“Are you sure, ma chérie? What about work?” As an artist, he believed you should stay where everything is accessible. Yet as his woman, he wanted you to follow your heart. Jaehyun didn’t want you to choose or struggle.

“I’ve grown out from the idea that the city life was the only life meant of an artist like me.” You replied, confident enough to discuss it after deep thought. “Cities like Paris hold exciting, vigorous flames that will have you clinging on to them. But then, they’ll eventually die the longer you stay. You get burned in the process too. However, I stand by what I said earlier. I found an endless flame when I met and began loving you, Jaehyun. It doesn’t sting at all; it illuminates strongly every living day.”

Urging him to lower his stance with your fingers, you stated one last phrase. “Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.”

“If that’s the case,” Jaehyun acknowledged, sticking his arm out for you. “Let’s get out of here.”

Astounded expressions crowded the socialites in the event as they watched the both of you exit together. If the news of Krystal and Donghyun weren’t crazy enough, some journalists figured the mysterious man behind The Poetic Rose and spread it like wildfire.

How was the youngest son of the Jeong family turned renowned romance novel author connected to the impressive, up-and-coming painter from London?

What really went down in Provence?

“How can you miss out on the signs? Did you not see them share a kiss earlier?” Key protested to those who weren’t approving whatever relationship you guys had. He loved his tea but hated those who simply were money hungry. Wanting a chance to be a part of the rich family, only to fish them out of their riches sooner or later.

Meanwhile, the winter season didn’t stop any of you from roaming the streets of Paris. Moments like these were a preview of the future you’ve envisioned with Jaehyun. Youthful, free, and fiery, a love between two artists created more magic not just in their crafts but to those around them.

Promenading a street overlooking the Seine River, Jaehyun took out a smaller instant camera from his pocket and took a candid shot of you. Stunned, you slapped his chest with your bag.

“Hey! Just how many more things are hidden in your blazer?”

“Just my wallet and a few condoms. Why’d you ask?” He raised a suggestive brow, feigning good intentions.

You hummed, faking your deep thought mindset. “At this rate, I don’t think we’ll make it back to my apartment alive.”

Jaehyun tugged you by your coat, his lips hovering your ear to whisper. “If we call a cab right now, I can finger you in the backseat.”

You chuckled at his vulgar idea, but it seemed ideal. You loved the thrill of getting caught or having someone overhearing you two, just like him. Besides, his fingers don’t match up to yours when you touch yourself alone in your apartment. You bat your eyelashes, giving in.

“Deal.”

6 ans plus tard (1964)

Summer returned, the sun strongly smiling down to the plentiful flowers at your family garden. By the patio of your home, your canvas was already laid by the easel stand. Shades of yellow were applied first to symbolize the brightness of the day, following the outline of your desired scenery for this piece.

Dipping the brush in water to change colors, you took another glance at the breezy sky. Light blue with clouds resembling soft pillows, you inhaled gently as your brush faintly stroked the canvas again.

Your hair was tied in a bun, meaning that you’re in for a busy session. But a more soothing one as the jazz music flowed from the vinyl player inside. Stress was the last thing you needed right now.

“What’s madame artiste up to right now?” Your husband piped in from behind, placing down a tray of tea and crackers. With some top buttons of his white top left unattended, you glimpsed on his toned chest when he leaned down. But you mustn’t pry whilst working, even when temptation was calling your name repeatedly.

“The summer sunshine healed me of my discomfort, so I think it’s about time I painted again.” You chewed on the snack, looking back and forth to the view. As enchanting as all the flowers you and him planted over the years grew, you’re more amused by a little boy strolling around it with his magnifying glass and tiny wooden basket with his furry puppy by his side.

His tiny legs often troubled the two of you because he enjoyed spending time with nature. Only God knows what he found in the garden this time.

“Adrien est explorer encore. Devrais-je lui dire qu’il change de place, ma chérie?” (Adrien is exploring again. Should I tell him to change places, my darling?) Jaehyun cautiously asked, not wanting his 3 year old son to impair your perspective.

“Non,” (No,) You held on to his hand, kissing it sweetly. Although you peeved any unnecessary details found in your scenery in the past, Adrien was an exception. As his mother, it’s hard to say no to him unless necessary.

“Il est un garçon curieux, alors il devrait explorer et flâner où il veut.” (He’s a curious boy, so he should explore and wander wherever he wants.)

Life ever since you returned to the countryside shifted into something more precious than you imagined. From moving places constantly, you found a home to settle in for good. A home with overflowing love and inspiration. A home within Jeong Jaehyun.

Recently, you halted your work-related activities in Paris and came home because you were heavily homesick. It even affected your health as a whole. So you made adjustments with your schedules, postponing appearances to events to next year.

On the plus side, you could be more active as a mother to Adrien. It felt like you burdened Jaehyun to take care of Adrien most of the time because he mainly worked from home, wherein important people who wanted to meet him would have to fly out to the countryside.

Back and forth to Paris, your presence towards Adrien often lacked. Here came your biggest fear, which was Adrien forgetting you. But Jaehyun told you over and over again that it wasn’t the case. As he listened to every wrenching thought you had, but he’d combat it with heartfelt words of reassurance so you wouldn’t overanalyze things.

He vowed to love and take care of you when times get hard, and he will continue doing so.

Remember when you said how his mansion felt too big?

It no longer did after getting married.

It gave more room to grow and breathe more life into it. When Adrien was born, he was the prime reflection of your and Jaehyun’s love. He mirrored his father’s physical traits but with a daring personality like yours. A perfect mixture, the world worked amazingly to bring a boy like him into your life.

“Maman! Papa!” Adrien bolted to where you and Jaehyun stood. From the clothes he wore, it’s very much clear that his father was in charge of it whilst you slept in the entire morning. Suspenders, capri shorts, a white shirt, and a red beret, he deserved his title as Jaehyun’s mini-me.

Jaehyun swelled with pride and love for his only son, peeking over what he brought to show and tell you both. “Oh Adrien, what do you have for us today?”

In his basket, there were 3 sunflowers stuck out from the edge. It’s been a while since you’ve seen some in full bloom, lowering your stance to get a more vivid view. He took them out to hand them to you and your husband.

One flower for Jaehyun and two for you. You let out a gasp, scrunching your brows to the center. He always gave one of each item to you and Jaehyun, never more or less.

“Ooh, deux fleurs pour Maman. Pourquoi, Rien?” (Ooh, two flowers for Mama. Why, Rien?) Jaehyun let his nickname out for his lips while you grasped his small hand.

“Well, I heard from Olivier next door that on his birthday, he gave extra flowers to his mother so he could have another sibling. And it worked!” He spoke so innocently, yet it hitched a choke from Jaehyun’s chest. Your eyes widened from disbelief. The information he collected due to his curiosity, no boundaries truly.

“Le mois prochain, c’est mon anniversaire. Je me demandais si je peux avoir un frère ou sœur comme Olivier? Tu es toujours occupée, comme Papa. Je ne veux plus être seul, alors je veux une amie aussi.” (It’s my birthday next month, and I was wondering if I can have a sibling like Olivier? You are always busy, like Papa. I don’t want to be alone anymore, so I want a friend too.)

You exchanged looks with Jaehyun, not knowing how exactly to respond. Although you and Jaehyun did agree that you wanted more than one child when you were younger, neither of you brought it up again since your careers were always loaded with plans.

Adrien was a surprise child actually, conceived on the night where you and Jaehyun celebrated after L’Été de 1957 was announced to be the best-selling romance novel of the decade in the country.

In Paris at his family home, where his parents brought out all their prized liquor, the two of you drank the entire night away to the point Krystal and Donghyun had to push you away from each other from your public affections because their children were present.

But it didn’t stop you two once you reached his bedroom, far away from everything and everyone. And you’ll never change it.

“Oh, Rien,” You eased in, consoling him. “Je suis désolé. Mais c’est franchement une grande demande, n'est-ce pas?” (I am sorry. But that’s quite a big request, right?)

“Mom and I will think about it first, okay? Another kid is a big responsibility, and you’ll be their older brother. That’s another important job, can you do it well?”

“Yes, I can, Papa!” He beamed with glee, his covered head patted by his father after. As you placed the sunflowers beside your palette, Adrien then proceeded to ask you if he could paint with you like old times.

Never you refuse especially with his sparkling round eyes and chubby face that makes you want to squish every time.

As you lifted his light body to sit on your lap, you placed your brush between his stubby fingers and carefully aimed in whatever angle seemed fit so the painting process would run smoothly and perfectly. He let out sounds of amazement when the strokes get bigger, jumping slightly too because the picture became more vivid. You’d smile and coo at him, commending whenever he followed instructions well. As his mother, you only encouraged your child in whatever they want to excel in.

Adrien was the child of two artists, so it was only natural that he had an artistic side in his veins.

Too caught up in your fun, hearing the automatic shutter of the camera from your side was delayed. The source was none other than Jaehyun hiding behind his camera. Jaehyun’s heart soared at the heavenly view of the most important people in his life, wanting to treasure the moment as a lovely memory.

“Hey!” You shouted, placing down the messy brush by the palette. “Je suis très laid!” (I am very ugly!)

“Shh! Tu est rayonnant, ma chérie. Papa est juste, Rien?” (Shh! You are glowing, my darling. Papa is right, Rien?)

Jaehyun politely quizzed the peppy boy, nodding excitedly. His dimples deeply showed up, the main trait he claimed from his father.

“Oui, papa! Maman est toujours belle!” (Yes, papa! Mama is always beautiful!)

He exclaimed, pecking your cheek numerously. You squealed, attacking him with tickles and kisses back. His shouts of delight, then he was suddenly carried by your tall husband in the air like he was flying in the sky. Adrien enjoyed that motion highly, ending up on Jaehyun’s shoulders shortly after to play by the garden again.

“Go paint. I’ll take care of him now.” Jaehyun persuaded, roaming through the long rows of flowers in full bloom. Though seconds after adding some strokes to your piece, you let down your hair, put a hat and sandals on, and ran to the cute duo to join them.

And that’s how your family spent the entire afternoon. By the garden, running around and taking photos and short videos from Jaehyun’s camera. Freezing these valuable memories, this was truly the life you loved so much.

After your break, you could convince the company you worked at that you’d prefer fewer trips to Paris and stay in the countryside longer. How badly you’ve wanted to hold your exhibits here instead. Plus like Jaehyun, let influential people visit you. You’ve already made a big name for yourself now, so that should be valid enough.

Dinner time passed by quickly too, eventually putting Adrien to a smooth slumber as you massaged the roots of his soft hair while Jaehyun sang him a lullaby. This was your joint parenting technique with him since he was a newborn, and it worked quickly as lightning.

You redressed into your silk nightgown after bringing your canvas to the master bedroom, opening the balcony doors to invite the cool breeze in. You tweaked some bits of your painting, including a silhouette of your small family. Regarding where to place it, probably by the living room as it matched the theme.

“What a spectacular day, don’t you think, ma chérie?” Jaehyun conversed, admiring the calm movements of your brush. He noticed a quirky smile grace your lips.

“It’s been a long time since we had quality time like that with Rien. He’s a feisty ball of energy these days.” You replied with a nostalgic daze. “It’s so crazy how one day, he was still crawling to us. Now, he could outrun the both of us.”

“Comme le temps passe vite, hmm?” (How time flies fast, hmm?) Nodding, nothing braced for what your husband had in mind. You almost dropped your brush mid-way. Jaehyun’s lips impatiently devoured your neck, his huge hands fondling your breasts. Violently throwing your head back against his chest, a needy moan parted your lips.

“Jae-” His touches reaching south to where you desired him highly, dampening hastily as your legs naturally spread apart. Rushed exhales, “À quoi tu penses maintenant?” (What are you thinking about right now?)

“Rien se sent seul,” (Rien feels alone,) His hot breath whispered against your ear, his fingers dangerously trailing your thin panties up and down. With your hands tightly clutching on his bicep,

“Alors, donnons-lui une amie.” (We should give him a friend.)

Ever since Adrien mentioned such a daring topic, it hasn’t left Jaehyun’s mind the whole day. After seeing you in utter bliss with your son earlier, he found you so majestic and radiant. It’s a different kind of happiness, especially for parents.

Now you went on hiatus, he thought that it was the right time to have another. He enjoyed his younger years with Krystal, and he wanted Adrien to experience it too. 3 years was quite a wait, and it seemed ideal to try again.

From his nude chest, you flipped around to intensely clash his lips with yours. Draping your arms behind his neck, Jaehyun lifted your entire figure from the chair. His hands gripping on your butt, he delicately lowered you down your bed.

Drowning into his sensual kisses with his hands all over you, this could prolong for hours. Reddening love marks started to resurface whilst your fingers tugged on the drawstring of his pajama pants. Jaehyun’s fingers dove under the fabric of your panties, his index finger rubbing figure 8s the sensitive bundle of nerves.

You struggled to swallow your moans, not wanting Rien to hear it. You wouldn’t want to repeat history, covering it as Jaehyun massaging you after a hard day.

“I know you want one too, ma chérie.” His fingers began to drape down the straps of your gown, presenting your breasts in its full, perky view. But before his lips could suck on your erect nipples, you parted momentarily from him and got up on your feet. Pulling up your straps again, Jaehyun simply laid down but he wasn’t pleased from how you left him hanging.

“Où vas-tu, ma chérie?” (Where are you going, sweetheart?)

He was growing impatient. You were never to interrupt such a sexy atmosphere ever.

From one of your drawers in your vanity table, an important, half-opened envelope was hidden. You were supposed to give it tomorrow but now seemed like a perfect time. Reading it as soon one of the maids handed it to you gave you the jitters, but in a positive way. Sitting back down on the edge of your bed, you exhilaratingly passed it to your husband.

“Qu’est-ce que c’est?” (What is this?)

“Ouvre-le.” (Open it.)

Jaehyun slowly opened the edges and once he took out the contents. Reading it thoroughly, he couldn’t believe it as his jaw dropped, pacing from the letter and you back and forth.

“Vraiment, ma chérie?” (Really, my darling?)

It was from a doctor you visited in Paris a few days before you left, who confirmed just exactly what caused your health to go feeble suddenly. You already had one certain suspicion, which you addressed in your leave of absence letter. Amelié, who finally got the position as the head, couldn’t believe her ears and insisted you take all the time off you needed.

“On dirait que Adrien a reçu son cadeau d'anniversaire en avance.” (It looks like Adrien received his birthday gift early.)

Overall, it turned out the headaches and repeated vomiting you mistook as motion sickness from traveling was a surprise hello to your second child.

A girl specifically, thanks to the blood test she recommended.

“Je t’aime, (Y/N).”

“Montre moi combien tu m’aimes, Jaehyun.” (Show me how much you love me, Jaehyun.)

The whole night through, the two of you vigorously celebrated with the moonlight from the windows and a few scented candles set in the room. Wet kisses left on your collarbone, words of devotion exchanged, holding his hand as he groaned from heartily thrusting in you, the number of moans from your lips overlapped with the vinyl playing in the room. The intimacy between you two increased, almost as if you made love for the first time again all those years ago.

Excluding being drenched from the rain.

Once the two of you grew tired, Jaehyun lied down beside you. Wrapping one arm around, one hand trailed down your naked skin again. His wedding band flashed your eyes, reminding you of the commitment you promised each other. For better, and for worse.

Jaehyun promised to love you endlessly as a woman and his wife, and it didn’t cease when you became the mother of his children. He respected how strong you are, physically and mentally. He helped you in any way he could as you endured the struggling process.

At the end of the day, his family was his biggest priority. More than ever now, you needed him as you go through the pregnancy phases again. Specifically, his index finger lingered on your stomach. There was no bump or other signs of showing, except for that glow he complimented you earlier on.

“We met and fell in love over the summer, got married in summer, had Adrien mid-summer, and now found out about our daughter at the start of summer.” He smiled, blessed at all the good he’s received during this time.

“The summer gods must adore us.” Your vacant hand with your wedding band topped his. To love and to cherish. “Ils m'ont amené à toi.” (They brought me to you.)

His power on you was simply addicting, as if your early twenties revisited you. You straddled himself once again, your fingers caressing his face sweetly. When it reached his lips, he placed longing kisses there and pulled you closer again for another kiss on your lips. In between, you mumbled in a silvery tone,

“Then they led us to say I do. Pour toujours et à jamais.”

copyright © 2021 by alluringjae.

[piplupcola]

The Light Fury is NOT a female Night Fury

Lasting genetic similarities make the two bears biological sister species.

It's a subspecies of the Night Furies that has evolved to surrounded by the ocean as they live in the hidden world. The concept artists for the movie didn't, as quoted by Hiccup "take [their] night fury card and paint it white". (Which I thought was so funny they put that joke in cos the development team knew people were gonna complain about her) Here's a rundown of some facts about the design for the species Light Fury

Firstly, they didnt design her to be smooth and rounded just for shits and giggles. Like a dolphin or a beluga, her fins and skin are smoothen out for swimming and ocean dwelling. You don't go up to a dolphin and call their whole species feminine for having smooth skin.

Even their skin color is made for living in the sea. It's not iridescent for the sake of ooh a sparkly pretty character, many fishes have their own relfective scales to blend into the ocean water to find food and avoid predators.

Their disappearing abilities is super amazing to show the abilities of creatures adaption to the problems that humans create. They are sky dragons evolved to become sea dragons. In the sea they can use their reflective skin to hide, but unlike a night fury which can hide in the night, they can use their disappearing ability to hide from hunters which is why they haven't been hunted to near extinction yet unlike the Night Furies. It is sort of like how a grizzly bear and a polar bear have two similar yet different genetic properties adapted to their own changing environment.

We've seen many types of dragons both male and female like Stormfly and Meatlug, who do not look sleek or feminine like, but their appearance, like the light fury, are adapted to their own environment. Stormfly's favorite food is chicken, and Meatlug is rocks, so there's clearly no reason why both of them would have any traits that come with sea dwelling. And even though in the movie you can see other dragons inspired by sea creatures like manta rays and eels, but remember the Light Fury is a SUBSPECIES, they're not a completely new species. Imagine it like a Leopard and a Cloud Leopard, looks similar, but different, because they have evolved from the same family but for different environments.

Most importantly, it's not just the females that look sleek and beautiful. Look at the gif above. Even the males look the same as the females, only a lot bigger. Dreamworks didn't put those two Light Furies together in that shot for no reason! Feminine looking they are, but isn't that cool? Why is no one talking about feminine male dragons! So sleek and shiny and beautiful but they'll kick your ass in a flash! I think it's awesome to see that there can be feminine male dragons in the HTTYD world?

If the development team wanted to be lazy they wouldn't have made a whole new species of dragons for this movie. It would be been so much easier to stick eyelashes on a bunch of Night Furies, hide them in the hidden world, and go "omg Toothless isn't the last Night Fury after all!" But no they took the extra step to show that Toothless is truly the last of his kind and these Light Furies are not the same as he is.

Even for the folks who are going "they just randomly pulled out a light fury from nowhere!" LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOU WITH THE HTTYD BOOKS! (im very passionate about the books)

Trying to be spoiler free but in the 12th and final book there's a female sea dragon called Luna, who was 2nd in command to the dragon army, whose leader was one of the dragon inspirations for the Night Fury. She was the same species as the leader, except for the fact that she, quoted by the books "glowed in the night like the moon". Luna worked with book!Hiccup to try to find peace for both dragons and humans. So even the concept of the Light Fury wasn't out of thin air!

Here’s a picture of a grizzly bear and polar bear’s offspring, which is known to be found in the wild due to shrinking habitats, notice their patches of brown and white? They got that from both animals.

Now look at the Nightlights, you can also see a patchy black and white trait since they are a cross breed of two different dragons.

So yeah, the Light Fury isn’t just a rip off white Toothless. There is a reason to her appearance, you just need to know where to find it!

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

long pond live thoughts

Just some shit thoughts from this glorious piece of content we were served

we are doing good. and we are on some new shit. aren’t we. 

she actually acknowledged who joe is ... im-

was that really justin under that bandana? not convinced. 

“my tears ricochet” 

that is all

lower register rights

“mirrorball” doesn’t have to attack me the way that it does but it does and i HURT ALL OVER

she attaq

it’s incredibly charming that she needed sheet music to remember the chords for “seven” 

i still don’t like “seven” 

august and betty should be together because james is an absolute Dip Shit and we all know that okay

it’s delightful actually seeing jack and taylor’s chemistry and long lasting friendship play out on screen and see them interact and the trust/bond that’s there

the performance and also track-by-track commentary that actually had the biggest impact on my opinion of it was shockingly “this is me trying” 

the performance was so good but also wow hearing the story behind it was really genuinely enlightening

“illicit affairs” lowkey being confirmed as portrait fan fiction by taylor saying she was watching a lot of movies during quarantine

we know you’ve seen it taylor just say it 

“mad woman” being censored is sexism

SEXISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!

FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOWER

REGISTER

RIGHTS

now understanding what “20 minutes to sleep” means and “epiphany” in general being perfect and beautiful 

taylor talking more about joe than she ever has in four years is wild 

so are we going to start waking up and smelling the “peace” and how it’s like one of the best songs on the album now ... or ... tomorrow? soon-ish? 

just wondering

holy fucking shit getting the clarity that “hoax’ is, in fact, the multi-faceted, symbolic, jumbled song that encapsulates all of the feelings and topics from the songs that preceded it and that’s why it sounds like it’s about multiple different people because it IS and explains why it’s the final say on the album because it is meant to be a distilled, prismatic experience of every feeling the album just walked you through EVERYTHING IS COMING TOGETHER MUFFINS! 

(original “hoax” analysis that acknowledged which parts seemed like references to joe and which parts to scooter/scott) 

((listen i’m not saying i’m smart but ... i’m not not smart))

taylor saying for years that she loves to have the last word and the fact that she loves it so much she had to do it TO HERSELF by releasing “the lakes” post-release to get the actual last word over herself

holla @ me if you’re still not over taylor flipping the script and using the term “muse” which was previously only used to describe the relationship between a male artist and female model to take ownership of her artistry and work because she is the one wielding the pen and her love/life/surroundings are the muse

“boss bitch” but make it poetry

[lesbinewren]

hey friend, i've been following your blog for a while now and i absolutely think you should go on a rant about modern sw canon being homophobic! i agree with you and i'd love to hear your points (especially re: anything having to do with tarkin, as im not as familiar with that) (:

ill try to not turn this into like a full six page essay lmao

so basically there are at this point a fair amount of gay/bi characters in sw canon atm... just none appearing on-screen (or at least not being explicitly gay on-screen) except for those two women that kissed for like half a second in tros. so thats point one i guess- all but completely restricting even acknowledgements of gayness to books/comics that dont get nearly as much recognition as the screen media does. 

point two is that theres a pattern of the main characters they choose to make explicitly gay as being... considerably less moral than others sometimes. and im not saying that every single gay character needs to be completely flawless with the sun shining out of their ass at all times, but why cant we get more lead, unquestionably heroic characters to be confirmed gay or bi? we have gay villains (tarkin being sorta confirmed gay in facpov, moff mors who deserves an entire post of her own), and then characters that are more like anti-heroes, or at least heros with darker pasts/tendencies (aphra, sinjir, arguably characters like sana, chass and yrica but those three to a much lesser degree). 

and i dont... dislike those characters. i actually LOVE aphra, shes probably one of my faves, and i loved sinjir and conder in aftermath. i dont really have any problems with their stories at all, it’s just that they’re part of a pattern of characters with sometimes questionable morality (aphra working with vader and happily siccing her droids to torture and murder people etc & sinjir being a torturer for the empire who then joins the rebellion and tortures sometimes for that cause too). like again, my problem isnt that gay characters arent paragons of virtue, its that most characters they happen to make gay also happen to be the morally gray ones. im not really asking for less dubiously good cay characters, just also more solidly heroic gay characters to balance it a bit. 

and they are getting better, there are more solidly heroic main gay characters... its just for every wyl lark or kaedan larte you have a gay imperial officer and an offhandedly mentioned dead pair of husbands. and i also dont think id mind as much if there wasnt a history in film especially where even implying gayness was prohibited unless it was condemned or shown to be immoral. i dont think its intentional, but its hard not to get that vibe when they make their biggest canon lesbian character blow up cute tooka cats for fun lmao (as much as i adore aphra)

and my third and probably final point for now is the deliberate vagueness of things, and the way that they sometimes confirm characters. i think they’re especially egregious about this with bi/pan characters. i dont have the direct quote, but when confirming lando to be lgbt during solo promotion, they essentially said he’s pan because he... has sex with droids and aliens? no mention of you know... being a man attracted to other men, that might be too controversial ig. also i think it was donald glover who specifically said something like “how couldn’t you be pansexual in space, there’s so many things to have sex with” as if thats what being bi/pan is which just... yeah.

and then also in the leia book (a book i really like), the “confirmation” of holdo being bi is when leia says something about sticking to “humanoid males” and holdo tells her “thats limiting” or whatever which a) its a personal pet peeve of mine as a lesbian when people say things like that, even tho its said to a straight person, its just insulting and acts like sexuality is a choice and bi/pan people are more enlightened by choosing not to “limit themselves” and b) in context they’re talking about a like... bug alien or something like that, its been a minute since i read the book but it wasnt just like a humanoid alien woman or anything. so again... being just vague enough to get woke points for your character being lgbt without actually having them express same gender attraction AND equating being bi to just being willing to screw whatever i guess.

and for the record i dont think that this all means star wars is being unforgivably homophobic. i DO think characters like aphra, sinjir and others are good representation, i just dont want characters like that to be our only representation, because thats when things start to get more questionable for me. but like, i think its AWESOME that aphra has her own comic line and audiobook where she’s very explicitly gay, and the fact that she’s probably the most popular modern star wars comic-originated character while being a lesbian seriously makes me happier than i know how to express. i think the fact that the alphabet squadron trilogy made two of its female leads explicitly bi and one of their male leads end up in a relationship with another man is amazing. i love sinjir and conder’s romance being a primary feature of the aftermath trilogy. i think its incredible cool of them to have the bravery to make an iconic character from the original trilogy pan, even if im not a huge fan of the phrasing they used (and would like them to be more explicit about it in future content). like, i dont want to be all negative because i think there is a lot of good rep there. i just know it can be better, and being allowed to criticize it makes me feel better about it, and hopefully will start more conversations that lead to them being more mindful in the future.