#“nice prescription you wanna go out with me”

[maximum-rats]

how do you hit on someone in a walgreens

[mars-ipan]

that doctor post i just rbed is making me think abt how when i described my life-inhibiting anxiety and depression (the symptoms not the illnesses) to the doctor at my wellness check she started off by giving me breathing exercises and encouraging me to keep my physical health as good as i can i.e. sunlight and hydration and exercise. and like don’t get me wrong that IS good advice but i’ve literally been working on that for years lmao. thank god for my mom who explained that A.) i know all of this and B.) i’ve been to therapy before. thank you mom for making sure i’m not also diagnosed in my 30s :))

[luveline]

we know that the criminal minds writers looooved hurting spencer but i would love to see bau!reader (bombshell!reader if you think it would fit) hurt and spencer losing his mind a little (ofc everything would end up being okay because we love fluff in this house 💗)! thank youuu <333

ty for requesting! ♡ fem, 1k

“Spencer, are you coming in?” 

The boy in question winces, the cellophane wrapped stems in his hand strangled by an anxious grip. Your voice is hoarse, quieter than usual, though that could be attributed to the thick wooden door between you both. He takes the door handle in his hand, readjusts his fingers, can't quite get himself to go in. 

“Spence,” you say, missing your usual cheer. “Please come in.” 

He opens the door slowly. It weighs a hundred pounds, each inch heavier than the last. 

You're propped up on the movable bed with a dinner table over your legs. Someone's brought you contraband, it seems, expensive soup from the fancy restaurant you like just outside of work. Next to it lies your phone, your chapstick, and a prescription bottle. The orange of it is too glaring to look at for long. 

“Nice to see you finally, heart-throb,” you say, sitting back, rolling your shoulders as you smile. “Where've you been?” 

Sapped by terror in the waiting room, mostly. “Sorry,” he says, offering no explanation. You deserve one, but he can't get the words out. “How are you feeling?” 

“Shot at.” 

“Is it bad?” 

Your eyes soften. “No. Wanna see it?” 

He does in an awful way. To alleviate his panic, sure, but to know what it did. To see what his stupidity resulted in. The unforgivable in stark scarring. 

You lift your shirt and shift your soft bralette up a touch to show him the wound and all its grim stitches. “It almost missed me. Guess I'm not as lucky as I think.” 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Not right now. They told me not to wear wire bras for a while, so you win some, you lose some.” You let your shirt fall back into place. He can see the indecision in your eyes. Not one for hiding like he wants to, you address the elephant in the room. “Now you've seen it's not so bad, can you look at me again?” 

“I'm looking at you.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

The thing is, Spencer doesn't, not really. Half the time you act like you're sharing a secret with him but he doesn't have a clue what you're talking about, and the intimacy is lost, and it's his fault. He's never been good or smooth or charismatic, he's never deserved your attention, and it's his fault you're here, hurting, his fault you'd been prone on the ground, his fault Morgan had to hold your side closed, his fault you almost died. 

“Spencer,” you murmur, “you know I don't blame you.” 

Of course he knows that. 

“You should,” he says tightly. He doesn't mean to get angry. 

“Well, I don't. So give me my flowers and sit down.” 

He bites the inside of his cheek. He's mad, but he gives you the flowers without any roughness, and you take them with a similarly thin thank you. 

Your reunion isn't going how either of you wants it to, it seems. 

Spencer sits in the chair next to your bed as you pick between the petals, admiring their colours, their softness. For a moment you're peaceful, but you close your eyes and press your nose gently to a small bud, and you ask, “Why are you acting like this?” Heartbroken. 

He could explain it in halves. You passed out in the back of the ambulance. Your surgery had unexpected complications. Hotch was so angry, and he still wasn't as mad at Spencer as Spencer was at himself. 

Seeing you hurt because of his mistake isn't a feeling he thinks he'll survive a second time.

“I don't get why you like me,” Spencer admits. “Not before, and especially not now. You should be pissed. This,” —he gestures to you quickly— “is my fault.” 

“It's not your fault, Spence.” 

“What would you call it?” 

You put your flowers down and stare at your lap. He's pushed you too far. Nice, he thinks to himself scathingly, to upset you in your sick bed, that's exactly what he should be doing to make it up to. Great going, Spencer. 

“Will you hold my hand?” you ask quietly. 

He hesitates, his heart skipping a beat like a missed step down the stairs. 

“Please? I just… this has been a lot. I'm not telling you to make you feel guilty, I swear, but it's been a lot. And so many times I wished someone was here. I wished you were here.” You turn your head away from him. “I thought you were mad at me. I'm still worried.” 

Spencer stands up. He feels every stretch of muscle as he does it. You raise your eyes to his, holding out your hands; you know him better than anyone else, he thinks. He overcompensates every time. 

“I'm sorry,” he says, crossing his arms behind your shoulders carefully. 

“I told you it's not your fault.” 

“For not being here to hold your hand.” 

Your hand curls in the front of his shirt. 

“M'not mad. Not even slightly. I mean, not at you…” He rubs your back with his thumb. “Why would I be mad at you?” 

“What was I supposed to think?” 

He presses his nose to your temple, eyes squeezed close in regret. “...You're right.” 

This is what he should've done the moment you woke up. Instead, he let his mind focus on detail, what flowers demarcates remorse, or if cellophane wrapping would be an imposition. Anything to forget how your hands shook as the adrenaline wore off. 

They're steady now as they wrap around his sides to rest at the small of his back. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again, lips touching to your skin with each syllable, like fractions of kisses. 

“I missed you, handsome. Please– don't do that again.” 

He rubs your back. “I won't,” he promises. “I'll be here as long as you want me to be.” 

“Forever, then.” 

For once, your flirting doesn't make him blush. 

[freedomfireflies]

404rrry catching a cold and wanting to babied by tink but also trying to act all tough “im just letting you be nice to me you know? But keep rubbing my back”😂

🩷🩷

“Harry—”

“No.”

“Harry—”

“Uh-uh.”

You huff. “Harold, I swear to god, if you don’t open your mouth so I can take your temperature, I will shove this thermometer up your ass and take it that way.”

He grimaces. “You don’t need to take my temperature. I’m not sick.”

“You’re coughing, you have a fever, you have snot literally dripping down your nose, and you can’t even stand up.” You cross your arms. “You’re sick.”

“And you’re annoying. But apparently there’s no prescription for that, is there? Well, I guess there is one—”

“Harry.”

“What?” He groans and presses his palm to his forehead. “You’re giving me a headache, do you mind?”

“Yeah. I do. Can you take the damn medicine I got you?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you probably laced it with something,” he retorts. “And also because I’m not sick. Why do you even care so much? Do you really expect me to believe that you don’t like to see me suffer?”

“Oh, I do,” you agree. “But if you’re not better by next week, I have to go to that goddamn convention alone and Alex will be there. And if you’re not there, then I have to deal with him alone, and that’s just not fair.”

He considers this a moment, smirking slightly before leaning back against his headboard. “So…you wanna use me to make another guy jealous?”

“I—ew. No. I just…he’s annoying and he always hits on me and it’s gross.”

“So…”

“So, I’m not using you, but he’s scared of it. It’s just—forget it, are you gonna take the damn medicine or not?”

“Can you admit that you like to show me off to your nerdy admirers?”

You scowl. “No.”

“Fine. Then I guess I’ll just stay here and miss the convention.” He pauses. “...even though I’m not sick.”

With a rather dramatic groan, you reach for the bottle of pills on his nightstand. “Fine. Fine. Maybe…I like to have you around…sometimes…because it makes me look…better. Maybe. Sometimes.”

He grins. “Uh-huh. And…?”

Your teeth grit. “And I would really appreciate if you would come to the convention with me…so I can make…Alex…jealous.”

“Mm. Good girl.” Pleased, he sticks out his tongue and his hand.. “All right, Doctor. Make me better. Oh, but if you do decide to put something up my ass…the lube is in the second drawer. Right next to the strap-on.”

You smirk.

OKAY I DON'T KNOW IF I DID THIS RIGHT BUT I HOPE IT WAS SOMEWHAT WHAT YOU WERE WANTING, THANK YOU FOR SENDING IT BB, THIS IS FUN HEHE 💞

[atinylittlepain]

Firehouse Harrington - Chapter 5

fireman!Steve x f!reader/f!oc

series masterlist

Steve is still recovering from his injuries. She's just trying to help. But tensions run high when they clash over who knows best.

warnings | 18+ SMUT, really rough sex, degradation kink, slight dubcon, also angst because, duh

a/n | wooh boy! I got a little carried away here, folks. Had the day off and couldn't help myself. get yourself a tall glass of water and sit down for a long one

“You’re healing nicely, son. I’ll send another refill script to your pharmacy for the oxycodone and I wanna see you back in a month, alright? Wanna keep an eye on those headaches you’re having.” Steve grunts out a thank you to the doctor as he’s led back to the front desk. After three weeks, he’s still not used to seeing her, sitting and waiting for him after his appointments at the VA medical center. She’s been coming with him whenever she can and he would hate to admit how much it means to him. 

She offers him a bright smile from where she’s sitting in the waiting room, a large stack of index cards in her lap. With Thanksgiving next week, her exams are fast-approaching and she’s been studying so hard it makes Steve worry that she’s working herself to the bone, and that he hasn’t exactly been helping her stress-load. Since the week after Halloween, she’s all but moved in with him, save for when her RA job or classes demand she be on campus. She’s been taking care of him, and it both amazes and terrifies Steve that she’s willing to, while all he can really do is be a human rolodex for her endless supply of flashcards. She’s been having him quiz her in the evenings, her hands around his neck and her thighs straddling his waist as she rattles off insanely-smart sounding descriptions of the brain. His girl is studying neuroscience, and his girl is going to be a doctor, and then, Steve figures, his girl isn’t going to be his girl anymore. But for now, he’ll enjoy whatever sweetness she’ll give to him.

He finishes scheduling his follow-up, turning and finding her already standing with her bag slung over her shoulder. He opens the door for her and they step out into the sharp bite of the oncoming winter. 

“Well, what did he say?” Steve’s apartment is only a few blocks away from the medical center, so they set off down the sidewalk as she asks her question.

“Said everything looks good. My next appointment is in a month, gave me another prescription for the painkillers.” He feels her hand flex in his and he knows it’s because she doesn’t like the sound of that.

“What about your headaches?” He shrugs, glancing at her and seeing the worried look on her face.

“He said he’d keep an eye on it, whatever that means.” She stops in her tracks, fully looking at him now. He just sighs.

“Steve, I really don’t like how they’re just feeding you these pills. Has anyone said anything about getting you in an MRI machine?” He huffs, tugging her along to continue walking.

“Baby, it’s fine. Nothing new, really. Once I get back to work it’ll go away on its own, it always does.” His paid-time-off is ending after Thanksgiving, and Steve is chomping at the bit to get back into the station, to her much-vocalized dismay. She stops walking again, and he tries his best to tamp down his growing frustration.

“I still think you should let me–” “No.” “Steve.”

“No. You’ve already done way too much for me. I’m not letting you do that.”

“You would be helping me out by coming in. You know I need the practice, i-it’d be killing two birds with one stone.” She had told him two weeks ago about one of her specialty courses at the university medical center, conducting brain scans and assessments that were free to volunteer patients. She had been bugging Steve about coming in ever since, but he was putting his foot down on this one.

“Hey, I’m sick of all this nagging, alright? I told you it’s fine and I meant it. Making my fucking headache worse, jesus. Just wanna get home.” He can see her face crumple at his words and his stomach twists, but he’s too pissed off and cold to really feel sorry, instead squeezing her hand and continuing their walk home. She’s silent the rest of the way.

…

Steve is really starting to worry her. At first, he had seemed to be making a change, being endlessly sweet with her, letting her take care of him, even opening up a bit about his life. She knows his concussion symptoms are lasting well within a normal amount of time, but it seems like some of them are getting worse. He’s been more irritable, more reactive, his headaches are endless, but he won’t listen to a word she says about it. She had talked to Robin over the phone about it, and she had told her his irritability could also be stemming from the impending holiday. Steve wasn’t exactly on good terms with his family, something he had only hinted at to her, and hadn’t been home for Thanksgiving or Christmas in five years. As a result, he turned into a bit of a scrooge (Robin’s words) the instant that the holiday season kicked up.

Perhaps more than anything though, she doesn’t understand why he’s so eager to get back to work after he nearly died on the job. She had actually started inquiring at her school about admittance for veterans, reading whatever information she could get her hands on. It’d be practically free at a state school like Indiana University, with vets nearly sure to be accepted. She hadn’t yet broached the subject with him, knowing it’d probably lead to a huge blowout argument, but she had convinced him to do Thanksgiving with her, just the two of them, and was planning to get him good and sedated on turkey and stuffing before bringing it up.

When they get back to his place after his appointment, he barely looks at her, mumbling that he’s going to lie down for a while. She already knows he’s going to be looking for his bottle of oxycodone, which she had flushed down the toilet that morning. She had talked to one of her supervising professors about the medication, posing questions from a place of clinical curiosity, and had learned just how wickedly potent the stuff was. Steve shouldn’t have been on it for more than a week max, and it was now coming up on a month of doctors filling the prescription for him. She had decided then and there that she was going to get him off it, kicking and screaming if she had to. 

She sits down on the couch, pressing her fingers into her temples and waiting for his inevitable question about where his pills are. She can hear him rummaging in the bathroom, and then in the nightstands in his bedroom. All of the sudden, his movements still, and she can hear his bare feet padding back into the living room. Her heart sinks when she sees that he’s holding the pamphlets she had gathered about veteran’s admission to IU in his hand. She must have left them in the nightstand on her side of his bed. Shit. His expression is cool, steeled, as he waves the pamphlets in front of her.

“Care to tell me what this is?” Her mouth had gone completely dry, and a thickness settled in her throat. 

“Um, I– um–” He cuts her off, shuffling over to stand in front of her, bending at the waist to get in her space. 

“Um, um, um. C’mon, miss college. Thought you were a big girl. Use your words.” He’s practically sneering at her with the way he’s talking and it makes her feel impossibly small under his flashing gaze. She gulps a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

“Steve, I’m just trying to help–” He scoffs, standing back upright and starting to pace the floor.

“You think you know what’s best for me? Think you’re so much smarter than me, huh? Gotta help your poor, stupid boyfriend get along, is that it?” She shakes her head vigorously, going to stand but he’s back on her in an instant, resting his hands on the back of the couch to cage her between his arms. She shrinks back into the seat.

“That’s not what I think, Steve. I-I just want you to have options, that’s it! All I did was ask around in the admissions office, it doesn’t mean a-anything, baby. I just thought it’d be helpful for you.” He lets out a humorless laugh, his sharp eyes fixing her in place. 

“Well it’s not. Quit trying to mess with shit you don’t understand.” With that he’s turning heel so fast it makes her choke, storming back into the bedroom. A beat later she starts hearing loud clattering.

“Where are my fucking pills? Goddamnit!” She jumps in her seat at his roaring words, punctuated by the sound of what she assumes is one of his nightstands getting thrown on the floor. She sits there for a moment trying to steady her breathing, the continuous sounds of slamming drawers and muttered curses coming from Steve causing her heart to jump. Finally, all the commotion stills and she thinks to herself that she liked it better when he was at least making sound.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she slowly stands, inching towards the bedroom on tenterhooks. She holds onto the doorframe, peering into the room. Both nightstands are tipped onto the floor, their drawers skewed open and the contents strewn on the floor. The wooden bureau that sits across from Steve’s bed has been shoved a few inches out of place, its drawers all open and the clothes usually neatly folded inside in various states of spilling out. Steve’s sitting on the edge of the bed, tugging harshly at the roots of his hair, his chest heaving. She really doesn’t want to do what she’s about to have to. She inches into the room, kneeling down in front of him to try to catch his gaze. She reaches out for him but he swats her hand away.

“Don’t. Fuck, baby. Don’t know where I put my damn pills. I-I need ‘em so bad right now.” His voice is a broken grumble and she feels a sharp twinge in her stomach at his words. It’s time to rip the band-aid off.

“Steve, baby? I know your head’s hurting, but you can’t keep taking those, ok? Why don’t I get you some advil?  I know it’s not the same, but we can do that combined with tylenol and it should start to help.” He finally looks at her, and the anger in his eyes is breathtaking, causing her to sit back on her haunches.

“What did you do with them?” She takes a sharp breath in, watching Steve’s knuckles go white where he’s still tugging at his hair. She’s not going to let him scare her, not on this. She squares her shoulders, slowly standing in front of him. She hates that there’s still a warble in her voice when she finally speaks.

“I-I threw them away, Steve. They’re no good for you, and that has become painfully clear this afternoon.” His jaw goes slack at her words, but he quickly catches himself, swallowing hard and glaring up at her.

“Well, that’s not really your decision to make, sweetie.” He stands, brushing past her out towards the front door, starting to toe on his shoes. She follows dumbly behind him.

“Where are you going?” He doesn’t even glance at her, already shrugging on his coat.

“The pharmacy. Gonna get my new prescription since someone has to make everything so goddamn difficult.” She swallows hard.

“I-I called the pharmacy this morning too. Told them that under no circumstances should they fill any more oxy scripts for you. Steve, please–” He lets out a bark of laugh that startles her where she stands, whistling low as he finally sizes her up.

“You are something else, bunny. Really think you know better than me, don’t ya?” He’s started slinking towards her, causing her to back up until she’s pressing up against the wall. He presses a forearm up by her temple, leaning into her. She’s trying to not dissolve on the spot.

“Steve, that’s not what this is about. I-I talked with one of my professors about those pills. He told me it's some of the nastiest stuff out there. People get addicted to them all the time. Please, I just wanna help you.” His other hand has come down to grip her hip harshly, his fingers flexing into the skin and sure to leave bruises.

“Stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and stop trying to play doctor on me. You wanna help? Here’s how you can help. If you’re so hell-bent on taking away my pills, my relief, I think it’s only fair you make it up to me, don’t you?” She’s trying to steady her breathing, but can’t help the light gasps that rise as Steve nudges the slope of her neck with his nose. He harshly grabs her jaw, forcing her gaze to focus on his steely expression. She hates that there’s already a simmering heat trailing down her spine.

“Words, now.” 

“O-okay, Steve. I’ll m-make it up to you, w-whatever you want, baby. I’m s-s-sorry.” His smile is slick, not reaching his eyes.

“Want you on your knees, pretty. Can you do that? Be good for me and do what you’re told, for once.” 

“Yes, Steve–” He cuts her off with a sharp squeeze to her jaw that makes her whimper.

“Not my name. Not right now.” 

“Yes, daddy. I’ll be good for you.” Part of her wants to leave, just grab her bag and go. But she’s fixed to the spot by the way he’s looking at her. She figures it’ll be quick, a rough blowjob and then Steve will finally calm down, so she complies, kneeling down in front of him while he starts working at his belt buckle.

She goes to reach for his hips when he starts to unzip his jeans but he immediately swats her hands away.

“Uh-uh. You don’t get to touch. You don’t even get to think. That pretty head of yours has done enough thinking for a while. Just gotta sit there, open your mouth, and take it, you understand?” She nods as he comes behind her, drawing both her wrists back. When she feels the soft leather of his belt circling her wrists she shudders. She winces when he tugs the loop tight.

“C’mon, if you’re so smart why don’t you use your fucking words?” She gasps when he pulls on the belt, making her fall back onto her ass, her back crashing into his heaving chest.

“Yes, daddy. I understand.” Her voice doesn’t sound like her own anymore, entering that higher, breathier register that she knows only Steve can draw out. He grunts at that, squeezing her hips to help her back onto her knees before he’s getting up and coming back in front of her. He slips his jeans and boxers down just enough to tug his cock out, already hard as he fists himself. Stepping forward, he cards his fingers through her hair, tugging harshly to tilt her face up towards him.

“Open your mouth, bunny. You better be good for me.” She complies, letting her jaw slacken and Steve’s on her in an instant, forcing his thick cock past her lips as he holds onto her hair for leverage. She can’t help the small, sputtering chokes that come out around his length as he already begins fucking her mouth, getting deeper with each thrust. Normally, he’d give her time to work her way up to taking all of him, it wasn’t exactly an option to just go for it with his length if she didn’t want to gag. But Steve didn’t seem too concerned with that today, already grazing her throat with his tip. 

“Fuck– that’s perfect– just take it, bunny– s’what your pretty little mouth is made for– don’t want you thinking– shit– or talking– just keep your lips around my cock all the time, huh?” She can’t exactly respond to his degrading words with the way he’s dragging her mouth up and down his cock, his fist in her hair guiding her. But she guesses he’s not really looking for a reply.

“What would your little egghead professors think– shit, take it– if they knew their star student spent her time sucking dick like a f-fucking whore, huh?” His words sting, but she hates to admit that they send a clenching ache right through her core too. Unfortunately, Steve seems to notice the way her thighs are clenching at his words and he lets out a jeering laugh.

“Aw, you like that, bunny? You like it when I call you a whore, huh? Guess you’re not as smart as you think you are, just a dumb slut for her daddy’s cock.” His thrusts are unrelenting, now hitting the back of her throat everytime, causing her to gag and sputter around his cock. She can’t help but wriggle her arms against the belt confining them, trying to find some purchase as he uses her mouth but with no success. On the next thrust, Steve’s hips still with his cock down her throat, her nose crushed up against his pelvis. Drool is dripping down her chin as she chokes around him. He just holds her there, and she starts to panic, trying to fight against the hold he has in her hair.

“You don’t need air, do you, pretty? Just need my cock down your throat, right? S’all you need, you stupid slut.” He finally relents, pulling out of her mouth and she’s a wheezing mess, coughing out exhales as she hunches over her shivering body. He’s still hard, but he tucks himself back into his boxers, watching her reel on the floor. Before she can catch her breath, he’s hauling her up by her armpits and pressing her back against the wall, her hands still bound behind her. The way he holds her jaw, fingers skating over her cheeks, is startlingly tender as he drinks in her cockdrunk appearance. His voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks.

“Look at you, bunny. So pretty for me.” Something in her snaps, her lip starting to wobble as tears pool over her lashes. Steve sighs and she shivers under his delicate touch as he wipes away the first tears to fall.

“What’s got you crying, baby? I don’t like it when you cry, at least not very much.” His grin is sardonic and entirely patronizing as he watches her crumble. She’s trying to stifle the sobs that want to flood her body, her words coming out on heavy shudders.

“You’re s-s-so mean, Steve. I-I j-j-just wanted to h-h-help you.” He tuts, drawing his fingers under her chin to tilt her eyes up to his.

“Aw, you did help, pretty. You and that perfect little mouth of yours. And you know what else? I think you liked it.” With that, he wrenches one of his hands into the front of her jeans, cupping her cunt and stroking harshly through her folds. She lets out a broken gasp at his brutal movement. Steve just chuckles.

“See, bunny? You’re fucking soaked. All because daddy fucked your little throat, huh?” He easily slips two fingers into her, curving them in a way that makes her let out a long, preening cry. She stumbles in his grip, pressing her forehead into his shoulder as he starts fucking her with his fingers.

“P-please, daddy, it’s too much.” He scoffs in her ear, not letting up with his relentless thrusts.

“I know what’s too much for you, bunny. Daddy knows what’s best, right?” When she doesn’t answer, his other hand comes down in a harsh crack on the outside of her thigh and she yelps.

“Y-yes, daddy. You know w-what’s best!” She can feel his smile in her hair as he abruptly removes his fingers, causing her to slump in his hold.

“Atta girl, I think that little brain of yours is finally starting to get it right.” She can’t tell where the pleasure ends and the pain from his words begins, but she knows that the more he says, the more poison that drips off his tongue, the smaller she feels in his grip. Holding her in his arms, he walks them over to the couch, facing her towards the arm rest and bending her over it, her cheek smearing into one of the cushions. Her arms are still bound behind her back and she’s all but given up tugging at them, but Steve seems to notice her squirming.

“If I take the belt off will you be good for me, bunny?” 

“Yes– yes, I will, daddy– please– be so good for you.” He shushes her, laying a kiss in the middle of her spine before finally unwinding the belt from her wrists. She flexes her hands, whimpering at the ache that’s already set into her joints. Steve presses a kiss to both of her wrists and she can’t help the shudder that runs through her at his gentle movements.

“There you go, baby. I know it hurts, I’m sorry. Gonna make you feel so much better.” His hands snake under her waist, undoing her jeans before sliding them down her legs. His rough palms splay over the swell of her ass, squeezing the flesh and making her gasp.

“Daddy’s gonna make you feel good, bunny. I promise. But, I just don’t think you’ve quite learned your lesson.” She jolts at that, craning her neck to look at him.

“No– I have! I promise I have, daddy!” He chuckles, catching her off guard when he lands a harsh smack to her ass that sends her lurching forward into the couch.

“You saying you know better than daddy, baby?” She shakes her head, burying her face into her forearms.

“N-no, daddy. Just don’t want it to hurt.”

“Aw, pretty, you won’t learn if it doesn’t hurt, yeah?” He runs his palms up and down her spine, a soothing before the storm.

“Tell you what. Since you’re being so good for me now, we’ll just do five alright? No belt, just my hand.” That’s a small mercy. She hates when he uses the belt, and he knows it. She sighs, nodding her acceptance.

“Does that first one count?” He chuckles, hands squeezing her hips.

“I don’t think so, pretty. That one was a warning, these five are punishment. You think your little brain can handle counting them for me?” She huffs at that, he’s twisting an already deep knife in her gut, but she nods.

The first blow is quick and she yelps out “one!” For a while after, he just rubs his palms on her ass to the point that her legs start trembling in anticipation. He abruptly lands the second and third in the same spot and she shrieks out the count. She already knows that he’s aiming to leave a mark. The fourth and fifth come quick too and she’s been reduced to a mess in the aftermath. Tears are streaming down her face and her whole body shivers under his touch, but she can also feel the wetness smearing across the inside of her thighs. Steve leans over her, draping his warm chest across her back and she reaches a hand back to grab onto his thigh.

“Did so good for me, baby. My good girl, huh?” He presses a kiss into her temple before he hoists her up, keeping her back pressed to his chest as she’s all but slack in his arms. He helps her step out of her jeans and panties, turning her around in his arms and letting her clasp her hands around his neck. She’s mute in his hold, pressing her face into his neck as his hands slide down her thighs to hoist her legs around his hips. 

He pads into the bedroom, laying her down across his bed and slotting himself between her legs. She brings her hands to the hem of his shirt and he gets the hint, sitting back and shucking it off over his head. She thinks that she’ll never get used to it, seeing him bare. There’s strange scars along his abdomen, she assumes from previous burns, but he’s still the prettiest thing she’s ever seen, all tan muscle and the sweetest little freckles. He motions for her to sit up, slipping her shirt off when she does before pressing them both back into the mattress in a harsh kiss. His tongue invades her mouth immediately, wrapping her senses in a hazy fog of him. He pulls away with a hot gasp.

“Need to be inside you, baby. Need your pussy so bad.” She just sighs out his name, watching him lean back to tug his cock out of his boxers before dropping the heavy tip against her folds. She whines when he draws the head of his cock through her cunt, her wetness smearing over the length of him.

“Tell me you want it, pretty. Tell me you want me.” He dips into her entrance and she gasps at the feeling.

“I want it, Steve, please– want you now.” He rolls his hips forward in one smooth thrust that sends her reeling, her hands clinging to his back as she cries out at being entirely full with him. He groans into her neck, quickly finding a steady rhythm as he fucks into her.

“Fuck– pussy’s made for me, baby– so perfect– just take it.” He brings one hand down to toy with her clit and it makes her hips buck up into his as she chokes on his name.

“Come for me, pretty– need it so bad– you better fucking come right now.” Her release sneaks up on her and then she’s falling hard, spasming around his dick and digging her nails into his back. He isn’t far behind her, fucking her through her high before he thrusts into her one final time and spills inside her with a shivery groan. They’re both panting, laying entangled in a hazy stillness as they come down. The ache is already coming back into focus, in her wrists and along the swell of her ass. She winces hard when he finally pulls out. 

He had certainly gotten her good and fucked out, but she’s all too quickly coming out of the haze, all the dark things he said resting heavy on her chest until it feels like she can’t breathe. She goes to get up, but he’s quick to stop her, bringing his hands to her shoulders to press her back.

“Woah, easy, baby. Just lemme take care of you.” She shakes off his hands, dipping under his hold to stand and shuffle into the bathroom. 

“‘I’m fine, Steve. Just– give me a minute.” She scrubs her hands down her face before turning in the mirror to take in the sight of her mottled ass. Sure enough, there’s a perfect, blotchy, red handprint across her one cheek, it even looks like he broke skin around the edges. There’s little bruises dotting her hips as well from where he had dug his fingers in, and she hisses as she runs her fingers over them. It’s then that she catches sight of her wrists in the mirror, rubbed red and raw from his belt. Normally, she enjoyed this kind of thing, evidence of a good session with Steve. But right now, the sight of her weary body coupled with his words still swirling in her head just makes her want to cry. 

“Baby?” She’s startled out of her thoughts by Steve’s hoarse voice. He’s leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and a furrowed look across his face. She sighs, not quite able to meet his gaze as she brushes past him back into the bedroom. He’s following behind her mutely as she grabs her shirt, quickly pulling it back on before walking out into the living room to get her panties and jeans. She’s sliding her pants up her legs when he finally speaks again.

“W-what are you doing?”

“I think I should go, Steve.”

“What? What do you mean? Baby, I– you need someone to take care of you, lemme look at those bruises.” He goes to reach for her but she flinches, stepping back away from him. He stops dead in his tracks.

“All that shit that you said, did you mean it?” He gives her a confused look, but she presses on.

“Steve, your words really hurt me. All that talk about me being your stupid slut. I-It felt different, it felt like you meant it.” He swallows hard.

“I was just angry, baby. I didn’t mean that shit. You just– you caught me off guard with those– those fucking pamphlets– and then the pills. I overreacted, I–”

“I can’t keep doing this, Steve!” His face crumples in an instant at her words, and when he speaks, his voice is so small it makes her breath catch.

“Can’t keep doing what?” She huffs, throwing her arms out in frustration.

“This! All I wanna do is help you and all you wanna do is push me away. It’s-it’s absurd. Why you won’t stop being so fucking stubborn is beyond me. But then, you just get so nasty about it, so mean.” She lets out a bitter laugh, sitting down on the edge of the couch and holding her head in her hands.

“And the worst part is, I let you be that way to me. I keep trying to help you and you keep lashing out at me a-and I can’t take it anymore, Steve. I just can’t.” Her words seem to have left him speechless, he just stands there, his eyes searching her face. She huffs, standing and heading towards the front door. It’s silent as she shrugs on her coat and puts on her shoes, sliding her bag up her arm. When she goes to open the door, however, his large hand comes into view, pressing the door shut. She turns around to tell him off, but chokes on her words when she sees his face. His eyes are swimming in tears, his expression completely crumpled.

“Please don’t go, baby. I’m sorry– I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean any of that stuff I just– I got freaked out, ok?” She pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers, squeezing her eyes shut to keep from crying anymore.

“You say that every time this happens, Steve. I can’t keep believing what’s obviously a lie.” And then, Steve does something she couldn’t have expected in a million years. He gets down on his knees in front of her.

“I swear it’s not a lie this time, I swear. I-I’ll go to a shrink like you want me to– I won’t take anymore of those pills, just– please don’t fucking leave me, baby. You-you’re so good a-and so smart and– I love you, I really fucking love you.” It’s the first time he’s said it, and she wishes more than anything that it had been under any other circumstance. For a moment, she wonders to herself how she got here, in only three months, completely entangled with this broken man. She’s startled out of her thoughts when he wraps his arms around her hips, burying his face into her stomach. 

“Please, baby. You know I need you.” She tentatively rests her hand in his hair, feeling the way he slackens against her at the contact. She draws her fingers through his hair firmly, tilting his head back to look at her. She lets out a long sigh.

“Listen to me, Steve Harrington. This is it. I swear to god if you’re lying, if anything like today happens again? I’m gonna leave and I’m never gonna come back.” His eyes go wide at her words and he’s quick to get on his feet, cupping her face in both his palms.

“I promise, it’s never gonna happen again. Gonna be better for you. Love you so much, baby.” She lets him press a damp kiss to her lips before pulling back. 

“Will you let me take care of you now, pretty?” She nods, having to admit that her skin is smarting under the rough material of her jeans. He gives her a sweet smile before taking her hand and leading her back into his bedroom.

…

She swears she could get whiplash from how quickly Steve can change, going so sweet on her the second he has her laid back out on his bed. He gently peels her jeans down her legs, having her turn over onto her stomach while he rubs aloe lotion into her welts, murmuring apologies as he works. He thumbs at her wrists before kissing each, letting her turn onto her side while he slides behind her, wrapping her up in his arms. She’s exhausted from everything and falls asleep easily, moored by the steady rise and fall of his solid chest pressed into her back. 

When she wakes up, it’s much later, the sun already setting on the city. Steve stirs behind her, grumbling into her neck.

“Can you stay tonight?” She hums her affirmation. She’s off RA duty until tomorrow and doesn’t have morning classes either, she can stay. Steve sighs. Her voice is hoarse when she speaks.

“How’s your head?” He groans.

“Hurts. I’ll take some advil.” Relief floods through her system that he really has seemed to drop the prescription debate. 

“You can probably take a higher dose than normal, just for a little while before it starts getting better.” He sighs again, a seeming acceptance of her words. She wills herself to believe that it will get better.

“You hungry, baby?” She hums another yes to his question, turning in his arms to look at him.

“Should probably get something in you before you take anything too.” 

They order takeout from her favorite spot, something Steve does every time he’s had to apologize to her. She’s had a lot of takeout in the last three months. She hopes this time really is different.  

[freehounyaoi]

HALF LIFE VRAI (+gorgeous & og gordon) HEADCANONS IF YOU EVEN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BENREY WOOO

during. the end, he had 2 extra eyes, one above his left eye one below his right eye, now he has scars where they laid, they’re faint but he. is autistic im sorry he’s too me to not be he had a tail during the end too faint freckles ^_^ he REALLY likes red meat he likes blue flavor, not blueberries, not blue raspberry, blue stubble YAYY specifically in end, benreys feet to knees and hands to elbows fade into rlly dark blue/black looks like he’s dying of illness but like. has never been sick disassociates very often very touch very very touchy polyamorous, exes with forzen & is now crushing on both Tommy & gordon orphaned, kinda lived on his own since he isn’t human, picked his own name doesn’t actually have brothers, he’s a loser breaths through his mouth esp when he’s comfortable weird but like imagine he’s cuddled up to someone and he just yeah

COOMER YAYYY

fat, idc i’m right

gender-fluid, transmasc & gay ^_^ old man yaoi with bubby YAYYY

cool little funky punching enhancement thingies

big ol’ doe brown eyes

brunette hair before he started graying

after the resonance cascade he retired, they deserve it

has nightmares over clones. a lot, a big lot

autistic, everyone knows the science team kinda is autistic,

going off the autistic thing, one of his vocal stims is hello gordon

loves talking, loves it so much, he loves just talking to people she likes

has a high score on punch out & that one punching game where you punch the punching bag to get evaluated on

the reason is divorced because he realized he was gay

hawaiian shirts FTW!!

(most of these are somewhat canon, holly (his va) headcanons him as transmasc, short and stocky, and 5’4!)

Bubbster

Intersex & bisexual (idc if gir hcs him as straight it’s my world now/pf)

if he didn’t live with Coomer after the resonance cascade, he’d probably just be a basement dweller and just sit in the corner and cry

Bionic legs :3

canonically test tube baby, he’s probably really freaked the fuck out over it & has had genuine panic attacks over being artificially made, only in front of coomer

literally always has epi-pens for coomer

naturally(?) ginger idk what you wanna consider it, he’s canonically like 6 but in my head he’s like 67, he’s been locked in black mesa for 67 years

blue eyes

has a leather jacket with a tiger on it he will wear just to do so

has made the science team watch scrubs.. twice

picks at skin as a stress tick

has tourettes

near blind

when he got his bionic heart he died so he will sometimes just be like “hey guys i’ve died before”

being put back in the tube after betraying gordon was one of the worst things he’s been through, it was terrifying

GORDON FEETMAN!!!

also fat

joshua exists but he was an accidental pregnancy (gordon seahorse father yayy)

ftm based off last hc, that’s just canon cuz i said so

joshua is like, 9 in my head so gordon had him at like 18

bisexual

has a crush on benrey (canon but yk)

mexican and african

curly ass hair, takes really good care of it, always smells nice

bilingual

blind in left eye, 25% prescription in right eye

feels guilty as fuck even when everyone would joke about him being the cause of the RC

also autistic

wayne did not dk him justice when he lost his hand, he was screaming so gutturally loud it was painful, he strained his voice so bad, the pain was so excruciatingly terrible

tommy genuinely was the only one he could trust after benrey & bubby turned their backs on him, and that sucked because his feelings for benrey before that point were getting to him

only was adamant about not being friends with benrey at the end because of the betrayal, he wanted to hate benrey

tommy is like his. comfort friend, he doesn’t have to worry about him.. he does but he always feels comfy around him

Tommy cool man

Autistic, ADHD, PTSD and OCD

G man species, half human

strawberry enthusiasts:3 (me too)

every flavor tic tac enthusiast, always give the science team tic tacs like all the time

not very good at games enjoys playing them though

very touchy for multiple reasons

Sunkist service dog for multiple things as well, helps with panic attacks, PTSD symptoms, anxiety attacks etc

Tommy doesn’t know how Sunkist was trained to do all this, he made her sk he just kinda accepts it for how she is, and loves her

compression hugs, likes being laid on top of, it’s comforting

looks scrawny but can like. genuinely pick up all the science team & benrey with ease

started collecting propeller hats after the RC

the reason he can read sweet voice is cuz g-man species

thinking about getting a cat, maine coon or norwegian forest cat, he likes big ass animals

Sunkist is LARGE like large as fuck for a golden Tommy made sure she was huge

milk enjoyer :3 drinks it with most of his meals

wears readers

ANGEL KISSES!! (moles or beauty marks whatever you wanna call them)

tooth gap :3

walks on tiptoes

Gorgeous

6’7

cuts his hair into a fringe, lets it grow out to shoulder length, then cuts it fringe, never ending cycle

beauty marks man

freckles too

nobody fucking knows his trauma

doesn’t understand why he can understand cicero?? he just.. can??

learned ASL as a kid

clearly has some form of mommy issues he will not touch on

wears solid colors, he doesn’t wear shirts with decals, or anything, a. he doesn’t like them. b. for ASL purpose, it’s recommended to wear light/dark clothes (light in his case) depending on your skin tone to MAKE it easier to read sign, usually in light pink

prefers skirts cuz.. they’re comfy, usually knee & ankle length.. sometimes he will wear mini skirts……. cuz he’s gross

actually hates head crabs.

would be a nudist if it was sociably acceptable

actually really enjoys video games! he doesn’t talk about it, he’s good at them too

he’s a dog person, he wants a saint bernard

freeman YAYY

6’

beauty marks

patchy beard

dark hazel eyes

starting to grey, short pony tail

has scars from his HEV suit

actually lost his hearing DUE to the RC, his mother was deaf so that’s why he knows ASL, it completely shot out his hearing

has always dressed nice

cat person

Alyx is like his daughter to him

i can’t decide if he’s trans or not

same situation with gorgeous, he wears solid colors for ASL purpose

him and cicero have yet to find a way to communicate

when he found out alyx learned ASL for her boyfriend (this is canon, was planned for episode 3) he was over the moon

enjoys IASIP (it’s always sunny in philadelphia)

scary when he’s pissed off

G-Manual samual

major RBF

scottish

moles kuz hes kawaii

wears readers

hes autistic

going on with him being autistic, the fabric his suits are a comfort fabric to him

enjoys sitcoms

drinks his coffee straight black

he is trans masc to me

praises his employers like god tbh

if he were to drink, which he doesnt, his go to drink would be rum on ice

some form of alien, not from xen though, no one knows where hes from

some type of holy creature??? he cant die?? hes weird

you'll never see it but he doesnt bleed red, his blood is black

enjoys fishing

goes to bed at 11pm, wakes up at 4am hes weird

hes also the best father ever???

songs that remind me of science team members + benrey the 6th

Benrey the 6th

I Will - Mitski

Kiss Me, Son Of God - They Might Be Giants

I’m Gonna Win - Rob Cantor

Mad World - Tears for Fears

We Will Commit Wolf Murder - Of Montreal

Gallery Piece - Of Montreal

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

The Party's Crashing Us - Of Montreal

Tommy Coolman

Living Island - POGO

Fireflies - Owlcity

Teenage Dirtbag - Weetus

rises the moon - liana flores

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Head Over Heels - Tears for Fears

[ist-das-kunst-oder-kann-das-weg]

Crazy days guys! So last Monday, my prof was like "yeah, and this week, I'm going to take your problem seriously" and I thought, well, we've had the problem for over a month now, so thanks for probably finally thinking about it. And on Friday he sent me a mail with a short version of the solution and damn, it was depressingly immediate. If he had thought sooner about it, I'm could have had that much more in my thesis :( But well, at least I have this now.

On Friday, I also was at the revue of our local student club. None of my best study buddies were going, but some people from my office thankfully adopted me for the time. I actually understood way more than I thought I would! By far not everything of course, but enough to be proud of myself.

On the weekend and Monday I tried to fill in the holes in my thesis. I didn't really get into it though. But on Monday I actually was able to think about one of the two bigger holes and found a solution for one part of it.

On Tuesday, my supervisor explained the solution to the big problem in slightly more detail, leaving most details still to me but fair and I actually think I worked them out, but I did that on the blackboard so I still have to write it down in a concise way. Only if I manage that I feel like I can say I truly have the solution or understand something. But then I couldn't be stopped and probably found pretty much of the solution to the other hole and that still wasn't enough and I got the other part of the first hole down! And all of that within some 4 hours.

After that I went with a brand new friend to an organ concert by student from the local conservatory which was mostly pretty nice. It's been some time since I have heard cool organ playing and I missed it a bit. The acoustics were still weird for me tho. It actually turned out that my brand new friend actually played the organ herself.

After that I realised that I had fucked up going to the pharmacy and if I did not manage to find a pharmacy that was still open then I would have to go to do the walk of shame to my doctor and tell her I need another prescription, but I found one and they even had my stuff there! I always go to the same pharmacy every three months like clockwork and they never have my shit ready -.- But I got lucky there and the cashier also was the nicest.

Then we wanted to go to streetfood but I said let's get bubble tea instead because there is only one place in town (can you imagine TT_TT) and we were close, so I wanted to use the opportunity, but she was like "I have bubble tea at home" and I joked and was like, well then let's go there, and she was like "sure, what do you wanna eat? I think I have everything for kimchi soup." So we went to her place and I ate her kimchi soup and she told me about what Hongkong is like and she complimented my Chinese because I can read like three characters because I watched too much WoH and Untamed.

And finally today I had another half unexpected outing with my best study buddy here. We for us rather spontaneously met up and tried out a new place for take away. Was okay, but I won't go there again. But after that I was like, wanna go to the art museum, it's open for another hour. So we went there, me with our empty beer cans in my backpack and her with the rest of her take away in hand (we obvsly left in the lockers). And I showed her one piece of art that I wanted her opinion on and we looked at a cool installation (at least I liked it a lot) and talked about what it could mean before we read about it afterwards. Apparently people were also just like "many layers something something time something earth something something", and I think our interpretation fit into that quite well lol. After that we speedran an exhibition about a local painter (I think). It was extremely nice to talk about art with someone. When I went with my German friend and her boyfriend we also talked about it but it was kinda different, more general or something? Something was missing, but I got it today, so that was nice!

And in the evening when I got home, the moon was in the sky so very beautifully that I had to pick up my camera again. Feels like it has been some time, perhaps a month? But my sense for time is gone even more than usually. But yeah. I need a new camera.

So life has been kinda intense the last week at least. It's the sun, I tell you. Perhaps I am procrastinating a bit. But then, I feel like I am actually a bit more productive because I have all these mini deadlines if I am meeting people in the evening. Perhaps it also doesn't make too much of a difference productivity-wise, but at least I am pretty damn happy right now. And as long as I get a degree, who cares about the grades? (It's probably far more problematic that I don't have any job experience lol. But I have to say that I am a bit sad that I just do not sit down to do the fucking math, even though whenever I manage to sit myself down, I really love doing the fucking math.)

[laurelnose]

good news! I don’t have a brain tumor 🥰

so basically what happened is

mid-december: i acquire Debilitating Migraine, 10 out of 10 worst pain I’ve felt in my entire fucking life Migraine, worse than the time I spent three weeks recovering from major surgery completely sober because I am inexplicably resistant to just about every class of painkiller I’ve ever tried Migraine. (I actually only rank the surgery experience about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale.) we get the migraine down to Bad But Manageable by locating several new Christmas light strings that turned out to be flickering at speeds the human eye could not detect but my human brain certainly could and throwing them all out. I make a doctor’s appointment.

last week: I finally see my PCP. she prescribes me a triptan, which is an abortive med that is meant to stop migraine attacks. the triptan decreases the headache but does not remove it entirely. also, the damn thing keeps getting worse again. I try it three times over the week, which is the maximum number of times you’re supposed to take a triptan in a month. almost like you’re not supposed to have more than three headaches in a month or something?? weird. well, technically I haven’t had three. it’s all the Same Damn Headache.

this same day I also pick up a topiramate prescription, which is a preventative. i am advised i can start the topiramate even if i am not pain free. maybe if i give it a day or two it will help even if i am currently having an attack??

wednesday i see my PCP for followup and tell her i am still in pain. she offers to get me squeezed in to have an intramuscular toradol (heavy-duty NSAID) shot. this kicks in within 20 minutes and doubles my migraine pain. I was at 3-ish and now I am at 6 and unhappy about it.

i do not come back down from the level the toradol kicked me up to. i survive thursday by not doing very much of anything.

uh? holy shit? yeah, sure?

friday the pain becomes unbearable. back up to an 8, which isn’t the worst it’s been but it’s also Day Forty Fucking Two and I’m so tired. I leave work early & go to urgent care where they pump me fulla benadryl and dexamethasone. absolutely none of this is fun — the dexamethasone feels like a panic attack and the benadryl makes me dizzy and light-headed + makes it very hard to think of words? what the shit do people take benadryl recreationally for? but! the pain diminishes dramatically. after the IV’s done they get me in for a CT scan and are like hey! you don’t have a brain tumor! (I was not actually worried I had a brain tumor but it’s always nice to rule it out.) but you do have a sinus infection and a bunch of fluid buildup that’s probably triggering the migraine. (really? but I haven’t been congested?) yeah, no, it’s really deep in there. do you wanna do antibiotics and sudafed about that to clear up the fluid?

saturday morning the head pain is back but it’s mild and it feels LIKE A FUCKING SINUS HEADACHE and not a migraine anymore oh my god. Guess what kinds of headaches are fucking fixable and tend not to be intractable and unpreventable. It’s also like, a manageable amount of pain? It hurts but I feel okay?? I get thru work without taking my breaks in the dark with a heat pad? I look at headlights on the dark road coming home and am not immediately debilitated? 😭 Maybe in a week and a half when the antibiotics course is done I will actually just be Fine??

I really shoulda gone to urgent care back in December. Too bad I didn’t quite realize you could go to urgent care for migraines until I’d seen my PCP for the first time and that couldn’t happen earlier bc, well, appointments are hard to come by.

I’m wondering in hindsight if the triptan WAS kicking the migraine more effectively than I thought it was and i couldn’t tell because I had a sinus headache underneath (which kept bringing the migraine back). this also explains why I was getting decent results with Vick’s VapoRub LMAO. Like some people do swear by menthol for migraines but it was probably helping the congestion too.

anyways this is why I’ve been quiet. I will be quiet for a little while longer probably bc the sinus headache is still not fun but it is getting better. in fact i had to get up and eat breakfast to take my antibiotic but it is sunday and i don’t actually want to be awake so i think i’m going back to bed

i am never letting anyone talk me into taking another NSAID ever fucking again.

[everythingsf1ne23]

𝐒𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐁𝐞 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐) | 

𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭 𝘒𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢 & 𝘞𝘢𝘺𝘯𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘯

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 🎀💕:

@yarrystyleeza If you want to be added check out my pinned post! 

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 💌:

heyyy my lovelies, I hope that you all enjoy this and I’m pretty sure that I’ll write a part 3 for this 🌟🫶~Jess

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 📝:

in which, she finds out all the details about the plan for the Kinsella’s fates 

𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳’𝘴 𝘗𝘰𝘷:

I finish applying my makeup for work and I look at myself in the long mirror in mine and Wayne’s bedroom 

“You look amazing as you always do!”

Wayne comments and I turn to face him,

“Aww thank you, you look very handsome”

“I can go drive you to the pharmacy now if you’re ready”

“Yeah I’m ready, let’s go”

As we head down the stairs, Wayne speaks up again 

“Two of the lads are coming over for a little meeting this evening so I was thinking we could have pizza?” 

“Oh yeah that’s grand” I respond.

Wayne’s house is close to the pharmacy so after about 10 minutes, we arrive there.

“Have a great day gorgeous”

I give Wayne a quick kiss on the lips,

“I will, love you”

I reply and Wayne pulls me in for a hug,

“I love you even more”, he tells me and I get out of the car, 

I close the door and I wave bye to Wayne.

As yesterday I ended up doing most of the prescriptions, today it was my turn to serve the customers and Molly is doing all the prescriptions, surprisingly it has been quiet so far today considering it’s Friday,

“So are you doing anything nice for the weekend?” Molly asks and I shake my head,

“No I don’t think so” I respond 

“Well I’m thinking of going shopping tomorrow if you wanna come?”

“Ah yeah I’d like that!”

“Great I’ll text you the time that

 I’ll pick you up at later”

Molly responds with that bright smile of hers, then finally the customers

 start piling in the door.

Thankfully on Fridays, mine and Molly’s shift ends early to allow those wanting work experience to work there, 

Once again, Wayne and Michael arrive at the same time to pick me and Molly up.

I turn away from Michael and Molly as I didn’t need to see them being all loved up, 

“I got these for you my love”

My heart melts as Wayne hands me flowers

“Thank you, they’re absolutely lovely”

“Only the best for you” 

“Well how are you both?” Michael asks us 

“We’re great!” I respond holding hands with Wayne 

“Amanda was saying that there will probably be another meeting next week so you can meet the supplier”

Michael tells Wayne,

“Okay just message the day and I’ll be there” 

When the two of us arrive home, 

I get out of my work clothes and into something more comfortable as Wayne orders us pizza, after a while there’s a knock on the door 

“That’s probably the lads, 

can you go get it?”

Wayne asks from the kitchen 

“Yeah I’ll get it now!”

I open it to see two lads and to my surprise, I knew them - Clayton Finn and Glen Wright stood at the door.

“Long time no see aye?”

Clayton says 

“Yeah it’s certainly been a while”

I reply with a smile, and I lead them into the sitting room

“We assumed you were dead somewhere as after Caolon Moore’s funeral 

you were gone” 

Glen tells me 

“Considering that I’m related to Caolan I had to leave, otherwise I’m sure

 I would’ve been clipped”

“You even fooled Eamon, he thought you were dead too” 

“I didn’t know that you knew 

Clayton and Glen” Wayne comments and Clayton speaks up

“Oh we were real good friends, 

you could say best friends even”

“Yeah best friends for sure!” Glen exclaims 

Wayne looks at the two lads in front of us,

“So what’s your plan for getting rid of the Kinsella’s then?” Wayne asks them,

“My Mam said that we should go get Michael first as the most money is going for him” Glen replies 

“Then after Michael, I say that we should go for Viking as he deserves a bullet in the head…” Clayton says and afterwards he gasps, turning towards me

“You should help us like old times!”

“Yeah think of the money we could get, come on you know you want to”

I think to myself for a few moments and I look over at Wayne for his approval

he nods at me,

“If you wanna help then you should”

I give in, “Right I’ll help you both”

“Is that all you have so far in terms of your plan?”

“Yeah after Michael and Viking, we’ll just get the rest one by one unless some of the others get there first” 

As the night went on, we figured out more of the details on how the three of us were going to try clip Michael, considering the other attempts that have been made I doubt that it’ll work, but who knows we might actually get him this time.

[goldmanguyperson]

(post features potentially triggering and general uncomfortable content under the manifesto section)

small byf i probably shouldve put earlier: I might sometimes post musings about sexual ideas and i will be horny on main sometimes, but i will always tag it properly. i also have exclusive tag “#gold goes crazy on main” that you can blacklist if you dont wanna blacklist the more general tags for your own reasons

if i sound mad in here its because i hate how this kind of stuff is dealt with on the wider internet. sorry

If your dni has an identity that i identify with on there then know i am not not interacting with you out of respect, i am not interacting with you because you are a fucking asswipe. Be a better person. People who believe they know more about me than me, or use trauma as an excuse to be bigoted and stay bigoted, do not have my respect.

If i block you, it’s because of the above. or i just found you annoying

intro post for NERDS!

im gold just call me gold. Or, my other names include tank and any model/(appropriate) nickname of tank, plane, or nuclear bomb (aside from fat man or little boy or enola gay for hopefully obvious reasons). i will respond best if it is very clearly directed at me or is one of my favorite vehicles/bombs: tsar bomba, kv-1, molodets, locust, chaffee, whatever whatever

my pronouns are he/him (normal caps), He/Him, and HE/HIM. i stole pronouns from god and HIM from the powerpuff girls

trans and gay full of autism adhd yum

im a shapeshifter otherkin and bald eagle therian. but really i can be anything. i have experienced a whole range of nonhuman stuff, cuz shapeshifter. if i post in a more specific tag know i am not attempting to like… invade, or anything. i mean for one i think thats stupid and for another i do actually be feeling that way

i am plural. im fuckitgenic. you dont get to know how traumatized or not i am, cuz i dont even fucking know either. I don’t even think it’s that relevant. I am because i am, we are because we are, trying to look back into this life to see why it turned out this way is, in our opinion, just not fucking worth our time.

You probably wont see my headmates here as they struggle to form words for outside use, but you still might.

headmates you might see include:

The Eagle (he is a bald eagle)

The Nothing Beast (a big jet black dromeosaurid-like monster with back spines. actually quite nice. speaks in all caps)

Sputnik-1 (introject of the satellite). Profile is @satellite-one!

Bear (a spirit bear. might come off a bit mean. Bear is often just trying to protect us, but Bear also struggles with friendly or respectful communication)

Bat (We don’t know much about him. he hides away a lot)

Alan @amcomputer

if you start complaining about “uehhh but i have to know if youre traumatized to know how valid you are!!!” im going to skewer you like a shrike. we do not take kindly to prescriptive labeling.

i am posic (Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness). I don’t believe objects speak to me and i dont believe they are externally alive, but i feel like they should be. it happens especially with military vehicles and nuclear missiles. when i look at them i feel a similar sense of life i feel when i look at an animal. is it weird? Oh yeah. It is. i have thought about this a lot and i can expand on it in another post if wanted.

im also objectum and conceptum tbe american flag is my boyfriend im sorry… I hate the government and i hate borders and i understand it would be better for countries to not have influence over material reality and all that shit (i am an anarchist. winning) but countries as a concept beyond reality are really important to me please understand. nationalists hate him (me) actually

carrd (mentions nsfw topics)

neocities (wip)

tags

#shut up! the eagle’s talking! - essays and personal experiences

#this is chrome ball radio - My headmate Sputnik’s thoughts and feelings.

#gold goes crazy on main - mentioned above. though not actually just plain horny stuff, more for musings that may be sexual and have to do with me personally and I GUESS I LIED!!! ITS HORNY

#and that eagle? well. hah. It was me - just stuff about eagles. Any kind. i love eagles

#falconer hood experiences - Dreams that i have. theyre crazy. you will want to read

manifesto (sort of like a dni + its opposite but i actually explain things to ease my anxiety and autism)

Almost anyone is welcome here. But if you believe that you know more than other people do about their own identity then go away. Disgusting shit. Begone

that being said you cannot change your race. racial emotional limbo should only belong to people who are mixed race. You can find ways to participate in another culture without being the race often associated with it. many people would be much happier to show you their culture if you weren’t trying to identify as the race associated with it. Begone

I cant believe this is something that needs to be said anywhere but if you are an apologist for imperialism, capitalism, or authoritarianism, or are otherwise a supporter of any of this shit, fuck you. Begone

go away if you indulge in zoophilic or pedophilic content. hope it’s obvious why. indulging in lusting after real ass living beings who cannot consent is fucking weird as shit. Begone

transage is fine. its not about pedophilia, that is a 4chan smear campaign cuz they thought it was fucking weird. it is about age regression and trauma and that kinda shit. Also the things we associate with certain ages are socially constructed and so like idk, fuckin whatever dude. Begone

if you think age regression is bad then you do not know what it is. it is also not pedophilic in nature, it is often about comfort and often is a trauma or anxiety response. Please research and talk to real people before assuming something is bad just cuz it sounds weird. Begone

mspec lesbians are cool. “contradictory” labels are cool. my (real physical person) boyfriend is every letter of the queer alphabet and every person who hates a contradictory label will face our combined wrath. Begone

medicalism die begone. scientists do not know everything and often even science itself goes against “medicalist” beliefs. Minds are actually super crazy and weird and science understands this. If you are happier, or more at peace, and more able to understand and work with yourself because of a label and the support that comes with it then it is a good one.

^ includes “not supporting” endogenic systems by the way. Begone

creating headmates is fine (i think most of my headmates were accidentally created) but tulpa terminology is based upon a pretty heavy series of cultural appropriations of Buddhism (have you ever heard of “chakras are connected to your organs”? yeah. thats not true. thats a western idea that comes from the kinda colonial concept that we can force an eastern religion into the originally western conception of science as almighty truth that everything must tie to to be considered real by anybody, and the western idea of tulpas are mainly from this version of buddhism). Asian religions and cultural practices are already a really big target for western cultural appropriation, maybe we shouldn’t add to that, okay? i mean i wont tell you to go away like i have for the others here. and i actually wont tell you that its absolutely not okay because this is a pretty complex little cranny of reality. but i do ask you to perhaps be a little more conscious of how this stuff all connects

it is okay to be wrong

bangalangadooda

[theylikeboth]

WIP Wednesday

i've had this sakuatsu exes wip in my Gdocs for ages, and i really like it but yet i have not continued lol. so i am sharing in hopes that it gives me the motivation. a lot of it is focused on Atsumu's dreams and nightmares but this is from his actual life

-------

“Okay,” Omi makes a last note on his clipboard and then sets it aside before getting up and putting the ends of the stethoscope into his ears. “I need to listen to your breathing.”

He steps close to Atsumu, and then places one hand on his back and scoops the other under his sweatshirt with the stethoscope in hand, which is when Atsumu remembers that he didn’t put a top on under it. Great. Super cool. He flinches a little when the metal touches his chest.

“Sit up straight,” Omi murmurs.

Atsumu immediately does as he’s told.

“Deep breath.”

He moves the stethoscope, grazing Atsumu’s skin.

“Deep breath.”

He moves it again. Omi smells nice, like he used to.

“Deep breath.”

He moves it again. Atsumu looks at the two moles on Omi’s forehead and tries not to remember the moles scattered on the rest of his body.

“One more.”

The last time they were this close together, Atsumu had permission to kiss him. He wonders what would happen if he kissed him now.

Omi removes his hand and steps away from Atsumu, taking the ends of the stethoscope out of his ears. He turns and grabs a pad from the counter.

“Okay, I’m going to write you a prescription. If you develop a cough that doesn’t go away within two weeks, make another appointment with the office.”

He scribbles out a quick note and gives it to Atsumu, then turns around and heads quickly to the door.

“Wait, Omi!“ 

Omi looks over, hesitating with his hand above the door handle.

“Do you…” fuck, he doesn’t even know what to ask for. “Do you wanna get a drink sometime? Or something?”

[magicalgirlmascot]

May or may not have been inspired to create the KNPS Toa in Hero Forge. Probably also gonna do the Turaga. I’m def curious as to your thoughts on everyone’s appearances, wanna see how what I have so far compares.

I am in TEARS please please please show me when you're done!!!

I've been kind of deliberately vague about their appearances in the fic itself because last time I wrote a big long human!Bionicle fic where I was more specific about their appearances I. wound up hating it later lol. I will say though that my Bionicle Sports Anime designs aren't necessarily what I have in mind when writing! (Those are mostly just for drawing Bionicle fanart without having to draw robots and possible eventual comic reasons.)

I do have some stuff in mind, though! I'm putting it under a readmore because it wound up getting fairly long lol

Tahu: redhead, toned and fairly beefy on account of the MMA but not like dehydrated about it, jeans, t-shirts, and button-downs with the sleeves rolled up kinda guy

Kopaka: my brother thinks he should be albino but I'm on the fence there, either way he does have blue eyes and light hair cut pretty short, glasses, tall and thin

Gali: petite, curly hair usually pulled back from her face, wears a lot of long, flowy clothes (cardigans, skirts, etc.)

Onua: short af, fat, muscular, hairy, I've made Gimli jokes before but I honestly do picture him looking like Senshi DungeonMeshi with less beard, almost exclusively wears black jeans, glasses are not prescription but to help with his light sensitivity

Pohatu: tall, runner's build (muscular legs, kind of average weight distribution tbh), thick brown hair that he's been growing out, tends towards muted colours and earth tones

Lewa: fucking beanpole, tall, thin, and gangly, hair is a bird's nest 99% of the time and he has given up trying, wears green almost to the complete exclusion of other colours, loves himself some good cargo pants

Vakama: glasses and tidy beard, greying hair, middling height, wears a lot of old man sweaters/cardigans

Nokama: taller than Matau but shorter than Vakama, hair is going grey but she dyes it, carries herself with grace and poise, it's. I do picture Lucretia Adventurezone a little bit while writing her ngl

Matau: short!!! absolute manlet and either mad about it or chill with it depending on which is funnier in context, wears loud shirts

Onewa: was not a cane user at the start of the story but is one now on account of his bad back, growing his beard out, worst case of resting bitch face you've ever seen, decently tall

Whenua: tallest Turaga, thick glasses, has worn a dress shirt and tie to work every day for the last 20+ years and isn't going to stop now even if his husband makes fun of him for it >:(

Nuju: average height, long fingers, went white by age 35 (claims it's from stress but it just runs in the family, Kualus was also fully white by 35 and Matoro probably will be too), dresses nicely but not a full shirt and tie like some people

Also you didn't mention them but bonus characters bc I've been thinking about them:

Takua: built like Lewa (tall and gangling), dyes his hair blue, fashion choices are "the colours gave me a headache so I bought it immediately"

Jaller: short king, blonde, probably the most athletic kid in the class

Hahli: shorter than Takua but still pretty tall, wears jeans and sturdy clothes, solidly built

Krahka: I mean sometimes she's a fox and sometimes she's got six arms and tits the size of her head, she can look however she wants

Again please please show me when you're done!!!! I would like to see it

[thevoidstaredback]

We're watching Let There Be Carnage today, bois!!

This would be so much more enjoyable if my prescription wasn't going out....

Also. 'Cletus'? Who names their kid that? I refuse to believe there are really people named Cletus. Just like there are no babies named Bob.

Maybe don't taunt the pretty lady with the badass scar and the supersonic scream...

Eddie!

Venom's a mood. I love him.

He's so nice to Eddie.

Eddie, my dear, we both know that Cletus is shady af.

I want Venom's ability to draw!

Why did you have to go piss off Cletus? We know he's shady. I don't care if he calls you his friend, he's not.

Eddie called Venom abusive!

Chickens do have tiny brains. It's funny.

Good job setting boundaries, Eddie.

Poor Venom, stuck eating chickens.

Calm your tits, though, my dear.

He's like a puppy dog when Anne calls!

Golden Retriever energy.

Poor Eddie, though, being forced to take a phone call while dangling from a roof...

I love the dichotomy of what Eddie's saying vs. what Venom is saying. It's really funny.

"I'm going to make you cry now. Cry. Cry!"

Cletus just called you "Paly, pal" in a letter to invite you to watch him die. Listen to Venom. Do not go to his death sentence!

"You feel like home to me." That's mildly concerning.

Hello, Carnage.

It's cute that Eddie thinks he can beat Venom in a fight.

It's cute that Venom thinks he can kick Eddie out of his own apartment.

His bike!

Hello, Carnage!!

Bullets aren't working. Maybe, idk, crazy idea: Stop firing?

Cletus escapes. Knocks on Eddie's door. Eddie opens door. Fucking idiot. It's the chief of police, but still-

Eddie, Cletus is gonna be gunning for your head on a pike. You don't open the door when someone is coming for your head!

"I am out of the Eddie Closet!" Honey. Sweetie...Babe.

I can appreciate Cletus's taste in cars. That's a nice car he stole, smh.

Venom thinks this rave is for him and everyone else is too drunk to correct him and are just going along with it. The only people not too drunk are too scared.

No! He died!

Eddie, you fucking idiot. You are not invincible anymore. Do not go to the creepy ass mansion!! You'll die!

Dad says I can't drive like Cletus.....😞

Don't taunt the pretty lady with the badass scar and the supersonic scream!

Awwww! They're together again!

He's so soft with her! He even stole her dream car!🥰

Prof. X would be horrified by Francis' treatment.

Eddie really just pulled "I can fix him!" when talking about Venom.

Poor Dan.

Aw! Cletus is inviting Eddie to his wedding!

Now Anne understands the dichotomy of having Venom in her head! Poor Dan is stuck watching this all go down.

Again, mister cop, sir. Bullets aren't working. Stop firing and run.

She has a beautiful dress. I love it very much. Cletus could've matched better.

The priest looks terrified. Poor Anne.

Venom! Perfect timing.

"Death to you, father!" "No!" "Not you, father. You father!" Patricide at its finest.

Eddie looks scared out of his mind. Venom doesn't wanna deal with his kid.

Carnage! You can't just slap people!

"Time to die!" "That's the spirit!" "I mean us. We are going to die."

Poor father just got called a power up

Maybe going to higher ground was not the decision, mister cop man sir...

Good job, Dan!

Shit, now he's a target.

"Manno a Manno", Cletus? There's a ringing bell! Missed opportunity to say "For whom the bell tolls" but whatever.

Filicide!

He said the thing! Carnage said the movie title!

Patricide!

FB Is going down screaming!!

Oof. Crushed by a bell...

Goodbye, Cletus. Goodbye, Carnage.

Wait.

Filicide. Venom ate Carnage. Yucky

Cletus just wanted a friend.....

Venom says no. He ate his head.

He's got his toes in the sand! He doesn't have hair, though...

"...When you love someone..." I see you, Venom. Eddie sees you, too!

I am so fucking excited for Along Came A Spider to come out!!! Words cannot describe-!

(I swear I've seen a trailer and an announcement for it. Unless I hallucinated it......I'll cry if that's the case)

[mildiva]

Against Talking, For Sharing Bathrooms

alright despite three paragraphs of my first draft getting deleted i will Bravely begin again

(Prescript: tumblr has marked this as “mature.” is it because of the word bathrooms? do they think I’m advocating for gay sex? scholars remain divided.)

scene: beautiful, not-quite-lazy not-quite-spring saturday. what else is a girl to do but go out dancing? i’d already missed a great party, perverse, the night before. frankly i expected it to be kinkier than a bunch of gay guys in jockstraps, but who else would pay $40-50 for a night out? or who else could? instead I’d spent the night trying to fit a very nice and hairy boy’s monster cock inside my designer pussy.

what was i talking about? right, dancing. the first thing i saw on RA looked good: A/S/L? at Neptune Room, hosted by Associate. A bar and a DJ I wanted to check out what could be better? I rotated a thousand outfits in my mind, landing on a slutty White Lotus guest look.

Whenever I go to a new bar or venue, I go straight to the bathroom so I can assess the pee situation and begin a preliminary vibe analysis. All gender bathroom? good sign. matrix on the TV? Also a good sign but points towards a nerdy clientele. as I started looking at everybody else in the bar I noticed one mean trans girl I know from around everybody else seemed… can I say this without sounding rude? Very 30- Somethings-bisexual-practicing-ethical-non-monogamy-coded. There’s nothing wrong with being that; I have a wonderful coworker who fits the description. However, not necessarily the group I most want to get down with or that I think will be the most fun to dance with. Unfortunately, my prejudices were right. 

I pee, I down a gin and tonic, and I shuffle my way to the teeny tiny dancefloor. Like, illegal basement Bushwick apartment bedroom. On a dancefloor that cramped, real dancers need every inch of real estate they can get it. So why was it filled with people standing there talking? As an empath, I get that not everybody wants to dance — however, the dance floor has a purpose, and if you don’t wanna dance, make space for the real dancing divas. Especially with music that’s supposed to be groovy as the party was billed! House, six different flavors of disco. hat is things and then switch to groove to die. Even punks need room to skank, and techno bros need room to move like those musical cactuses from animal crossing. Just putting it simply: if you don’t wanna dance, get off the dance floor, you can stand to the side or sit somewhere. Or fuck off! I’m not your mother.

Obviously, the crowding annoyed me to no end. So I get on Twitter and start complaining. This turns my night around. Ms. Gabberbitch69 told me come to Suns, a small theater frequented by film bros and film hoes where DJ Michelle Harvey was throwing For Your Pleasure, an Italo disco party. I chew on this, go to the bathroom again to take pictures (because I looked fucking good!). Aside from that, the only thing that’s really been a plus for me was a house cover (?) of a Björk song (Leash Called Love by the Sugarcubes) which frankly was the only reason I stayed as long as I did. When I came back to the dance floor people were at least two-stepping, so I thought I might stay for a while, but then simultaneously three different heterosexual looking couples started making out. When I saw that, I closed my tab and got my white ass out of there.  

A 10 minute drive and 30 minute parking adventure later, I roll up at Suns. I knew it would be good when I walked in and felt the temperature rise 30 degrees. Both floors were absolutely packed, so I put in my time waiting at the bar, one eye on the bartender wearing a top surgery scar tank. After my G&T is drained, I squeeze into a spot on the dancefloor and groove in my allotted half-square-foot of space. Some Japanese movie about… magical cats?… is being projected on the wall behind the DJ. It’s stunning. I don’t think I’ve intentionally gone dancing with a crowd that straight since the last time I went to Fl@sh (censored as to not invoke its demonic energy), but it was still a good crowd! I felt slightly out of place as one of five people dressed slutty but I made it work. The music was exactly as described: so 80s people should be doing coke off the tables.

(Okay coming back to this a month later I’ve dragged on far too long, lemme finish this)

I spent the rest of the night partying as I know how: dancing until I neared heat exhaustion, running outside to chat with friends of friends and friends to cool off, debating getting one more drink, sharing a bathroom and a bump with a man i was flirting with whose mouth unfortunately tasted too foul to continue anything with. The last DJ of the night closed with “Waking The Witch” by Kate Bush, a song I hadn’t listened to since starting SSRIS. So unexpected and dreamy.

Was I going somewhere with any of this? Not sure. Looking forward to the next For Your Pleasure though!

[treewithabark]

Just an unnecessarily long post about dog gear I want- scroll by if you don’t want my ramble

So in feb I’m gonna have a treat yo self month because it be my birthday, and I may have a lil extra spending money from working a bunch of overtime during Christmas (I am knackered but I needed the cash and work needed my assistance)

And seeing as no-one likes buying me dog gear as Christmas/birthday gifts I’m gonna buy myself these nice things.

I wanna get Juno a lovely leather collar, nefjas person sent me a link to a German company who make elk leather collars in a martingale style??? Absolute perfection. I’ve been a sucker for martingales for a couple of years now and am reluctant to turn back.

What a delectable collar. So chic. So stylish. Fancy collar for my non-fancy mutt to strut about the town with (no flooded field walks for that collar)

Gonna pair it with a brand new cute dog tag because Juno currently wears Hana’s old one. I think after a year she’s earned her own tag, don’t you think?

Lookit!!! So cute!! It’s not Juniper tree but it’s close enough (don’t tell my partner, the tree surgeon, I said that). Would look so good with the collar.

And since my mendota lead is looking real ropey (haha, because it’s a rope?) I’m gonna treat myself to a new one. It’s served me so well but I did not look after it. Now it smells and is fraying and the leather by the clasp is loose. It just looks a mess. Love my mendota lead, don’t love that I’ve destroyed it. I did dabble with the idea of an adjustable lead but they’re all flat and I’m sorry but round leads are superior. I’m not ready to go back to flat. Mendota so comfy, mendota so röund, medota have goldish clasp to match tag and collar ring.

But do I stop the spending there?? I’ve been gagging for a ruffwear backpack but my lord £100 for a backpack??? I know it’s quality, built to last, and most importantly designed to minimise injury but it’s a rather frivolous spend.

My reasoning is that added weight to some walks may help reduce some pulling, she’s so much better but still gets excitable. It can be useful if we wanna go on longer hikes once my partner and I have time to do some weekends away. Carrying water etc. I really want to do a camping getaway at some point and having her carry her own food is adorable and practical. But also it could be useful on days where we want or need to be a bit lazier. Dog needs exercising but we’re burned out/ill? Cool, mile and a half sniffy walk with lightly packed backpack. If I wanna tire her out because we have plans and need her nice and calm? Boom, backpack walk.

Also, backpack cute. Backpack could have patches. Backpack bring joy to look at. Backpack make chronically ill days much easier.

Backpack.

Oh there’s also an adorable martingale collar on Etsy that I want. An unnecessary purchase but I so rarely find a martingale I really really like (I’m picky okay)

But there are things that I could spend my money on that is (arguably) needed more. Waterproof longline, new treat pouch, new walking boots because mine are leaky, dog toys that serve a purpose more than “it squeaks and can be thrown”. I also need a haircut and new prescription glasses but it’s more fulfilling to spend money on the dog.

GAH! Maybe I’ll win the lottery on Friday and I can buy it all. But until then I gotta budget and make informed purchases.

Anyway I just wanted to rant to the void because I usually do all this in my head but I wanna get more active on tumblr and sometimes airing these thoughts helps make decisions. And if you suddenly see me posting Juno in 4k completely decked out in new gear in the mountains? I’ve won the lottery, quit work to travel with dog that has a whole new wardrobe, captured on a top of the line point and shoot 😂

[trashcandroid]

another october 13, another year on T (3 total now!). but this one’s special since it’s a super spooky FRIDAY october 13. more random stuff about it under the cut

part of the reason i chose october 13 to start T is because it was soon after i got my prescription, it would be a tuesday (thought it would be funny to have T days be on Tuesdays) , and because at some point it would be a super spoopy friday october 13. i looked up when it would be a friday and saw it would be in THREE WHOLE YEARS. i would have graduated college by then! and then… who knows what i would be doing??

turns out i’m doing even more school for the next probably five or six years. it’s refreshing to only be around people who really just see you as A Guy. i don’t think they even suspect i’m trans (or most of them anyway) since i’ve had quite a few conversations where they definitely would have asked if they thought so. a few of them i remember off the top of my head:

someone was asking if people had partners and i said yes (…i mean, i sorta do, don’t really wanna get into it here lol). she asked me if they were a boy or a girl and i said neither. she then kept trying to find out what they were really and seemed to be a little disappointed when i wouldn’t tell her. (to be fair, she was pretty drunk and actually passed out later that night… but that also means she totally would have asked me if i was trans if she thought so)

this same person also asked me earlier if i was bi (for some reason she was asking everyone that), then when i said no she asked if i was straight (no) or gay (no). this led to me telling another guy that i was ace and aro, and he asked a bunch of weird questions about it lol (i gave him permission to since i was wondering what questions you would even have about that, seems straight forward to me??). but no questions about being trans

oh yeah, this same guy showed my openly trans friend who was visiting some trans memes he had saved (his gf is trans). but he didn’t show them to me 🤨

ok one last one. another guy was talking about how he was thinking about joining an lgbt group here, but had felt kind of left out and different at the one he went to before. i said i felt the same (true). he got happy that i could relate and said, in a relatable tone, “yeah, they’re mostly trans and non-binary people there so i didn’t really fit in!” i hope i didn’t mislead him into thinking i was gay lol

i also joined an ace aro group which has been pretty chill. at least half the people there are non-binary and i have no idea if they think i’m trans or not. i’m guessing no..? or they’re being decent and not just asking

i never thought i’d be stealth but it’s actually so nice being around people who don’t give your gender a second thought. i did experience that in my band and in my last two years of college (well, stuff happened at the end of my third year that made me freak out for all of my senior year… which you can read about in the previous one of these lol) but the anxiety that everyone is just being nice has always been in the back of my mind. but all these small interactions seem to indicate that these people just genuinely think i’m a regular guy

ANYWAY. IN OTHER NEWS. since i have student insurance that covers 100% of the cost of medical transition stuff, i decided i could finally pursue top surgery! i already have the consult scheduled for early next year, and if the timeline is similar to what they said on the phone, i could have it done by the end of next semester! possibly even before my birthday? but depending on the available dates i might postpone til after finals. (on the plus side, those should really be the final finals i’ll ever have to take.)

i also got my passport updated with the correct name and gender marker. now i just need to update my birth certificate and that’ll be everything

despite lots of other shitty things going on in my life right now, i actually feel really positive about where things are going in terms of my transition. i can look at my face in the mirror and just see me. i can be around people who just see me. i don’t have to be around family members who mess up pronouns or awkwardly stumble around sentences to avoid using pronouns for me at all. i can just exist.