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theheathenousfish · 11 days

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A continuation of professor andreil. I will not apologize.

It’s the weekend. Casey and 3 of his classmates are at a restaurant celebrating the end of midterms ( which they did pretty well on, if they do say so themselves)

They were looking at the menus when Owen noticed their professor walk through the door with a red haired woman on his arm

“Hey, is that professor minyard?” Owen asked the table “and is that his wife? Didn’t he kiss professor Josten like, last month?”

Casey swirled around to look at the couple, who were walking towards the table the dean and his wife are sitting at.

“ about damn time you bring her. Jesus kid you’ve been married 10 years” the dean, wymack, grumbles.

“Oh my god!” AJ gasps “he wasn’t lying when he said prof josten wasn’t his boyfriend ! He’s the side piece!”

A few minutes later professors day, Boyd-wilds , walker-Reynolds, and Josten walk in and to the table.

“ hey Matt, how are the kids?” Prof josten asks

“ Neil! My man! Teenagers are so hard. Cody and Marlo have discovered my college photos and are giving me shit for how my hair looked”

Just then, a second minyard enters and sits down? It’s Avery’s turn to say something “I’m sorry, what? He has a twin?” Therefore she does.

Professor day scowls and says “ Neil your monster is here.”

“Drew! I thought you couldn’t make it”

“ sit down, junkie.I’m here.” Prof minyard mutters. In a louder tone asks “ why are we here day?”

“Why do you have something you were going to do?”

“ I want to go home and do nothing.”

Prof josten chokes on his water.

“ kevin” Mr wymack says “ tell them or I will.” Prof day huffs “ wymack is my father. I found out last year and I told him a week ago.”

“ this is why I’m here? Kevin, I could be asleep right now. I just worked a 24 hour shift.” Possible prof minyard complains

“Aaron! Be nice.” The red haired woman scolds

“ ok, so, that’s not our minyard.” Casey confirms

“Our minyard?” Aj asks

“Yes”

After about an hour of the teacher meeting talking about stuff, they start to, one by one, venture back home. All that’s left is the real professor minyard, prof josten, and the dean and his wife( who’s name is apparently abby)

“So, um, wymack, we have news. Andrew and I are married. We thought you should know first.” Prof josten states

“Oh! Congratulations boys! When did this happen?” Abby gushes

“5 years ago.” Prof minyard says flatly

“Christ, you two will be death of me. 5 years? Seriously?” Wymack sounds exasperated

Once the teachers leave the students just look at each other stunned.

“So he’s not the side piece, he’s the main piece.” Aj says so solemnly everyone else thinks she’s trying to be funny. She’s not.

Andrew is running late for work. Like, stupidly late.

When they got home, Neil jumped him and they’d spent most of the night having mind blowing sex, then when he woke up it was 10am and sir jumped onto the bed landing directly on his dick. Neil just laughed at that.

His coffee had grounds in it.

He grabbed Neil’s lunch on the way out.

And he’d forgotten to put his ring on.

He was having a bad day.

Thankfully most of his class was also late. “ today we will be visiting the butcher case. The key points are on the board, write them down. Neil josten will be joining us”

Just then Neil walks in, looking so fucking gorgeous. How dare he.

“ hey Drew. I brought YOUR lunch and some coffee. Also your ring is in my pocket if you want it.” Neil says. He’s so sweet, he’s beautiful, and kind, and Andrew loves him.

Andrew pulls Neil in by his pocket and gets his ring out. He puts it on, obviously.

“Care to introduce yourself junkie?” Andrew drawls

“Sure. Hello, my name is Neil josten, I’m here to consult on the butcher case. Any questions?”

A student raises his hand “are you two married?”

“That’s none of your concern,” Neil says coldly

“Why are you consulting on this case?” another student asks

“Because this case is personal, and also because Andrew asked.”

“ sit down rabbit.” Andrew murmurs “We will start with Nathan wesninski’s connection to the yakuza,specifically the moriyamas.

Neil and Andrew switch places when it’s stated that a college student was kidnapped and tortured

“ in fall of 2006 i was kidnapped and tortured by my fathers people. I was brought to my childhood home where my father was going to question and kill me. My uncle on my mother’s side came to my aid, and shot my father. By then I had sustained serious injuries to my face, arms and hands. I was brought to a hospital with two FBI agents in my room. I was demanding to see my teammates. In spring of that year my father killed my mother, she died on a beach in California. Her body was recovered by the FBI for evidence.” Neil recounted

“Junkie” Andrew asked softly

“ I’m fine.”

“I want a 20 page report on my desk by Friday.”Andrew told his students

Neil didn’t have class today, Andrew knew.

“Drew. I need to go. I want to go home. I need you.” Neil whispers

“I know ,love, I know. We will.” Andrew reassures him

They got home hours ago, and Neil immediately went to their bed and beckoned Andrew to come lay down with him.

Andrew was happy. He was so fucking happy.

Neil was kissing down Andrew’s neck as he thought. Andrew gave a shiver of pleasure when Neil sucked a mark just under his ear. He was going to have to cover that up tomorrow.

Andrew was home

#aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #professor andrew minyard #professor neil josten #soft Andrew #ooc Andrew #they are so in love #I love them so much help

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hestella · 2 months

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Hannibal Lector x reader: A new face part. 2

A/N: Someone teach Tumblr to me. It's too complicated. I'm not done watching Hannibal cause it's too hard to watch and I'm not smart enough!

Warning: Blind reader, depiction of violence, sexual violence, cannibalism, well it's Hannibal, A lot of mistakes, etc, etc.

Part 1

“Humans have constantly, somehow, throughout the entire history, made some being, or even beings, that were superior than themselves and called them God. The existence of a ultimate power has been created in all known civilizations that sustained long enough to have a written language, and for even those we don’t know had a language, we assume, that there was some type of god within their society, only they couldn’t afford writing it down.”

Y/N’s voice echoed around the lecture hall. She was wearing a classy, somewhat antique 3-piece suit that had a dark blue color, which went well with her leather shoes too.

Hannibal sat in the corner, watching and listening to her lecture. He didn’t see himself as much as a philosophical guy, but to be honest it was quite interesting. Her aura and her appearances made it more interesting, more mysterious along with the fact that she was lecturing about philosophy.

His thoughts were similar to others. Other students seemed to be fascinated by the subject. There seemed to be students of all backgrounds, one wearing a lab coat, one who looked like an art major, he even saw some older people who looked like other professors too.

She did not walk around the room like Will. She stood still in a podium, not even using a slideshow to teach.

“but then, how, one might wonder, and why, could all these pre-historic people collectively think to make ‘god’? Perhaps, it has something to do with evolutionary theory?” She paused. “Any guesses?”

A few students raised their hands, but Hannibal internally tilted his head, how could she possibly see who raised their hands?

“..wow, nobody? I must be blind,” she made a joke, causing the students to laugh. “Don’t be afraid to speak out, please, I may not be able to see, but my hearing’s fine.”

“Apologies, professor. I..I think the essential part of that question is whether or not the pre-historic people knew what they were making was a real God. It may have started from scratch, like, you know, the things adults tell children to explain natural disasters and so.” A student, a bright girl, said.

“Great. And your name is?”

“Marissa Schurr, professor.” She answered.

“Marissa, do you have any personal beliefs? I’m not asking about religion, just anything.” Y/N looked towards Marissa, her white eyes staring at her.

“..I..I don’t know, professor, well I’m an atheist, but probably,”

Y/N smiled faintly. “I understand. Who believes the ‘3 second rule’ here? Or even, who believes the number 13 as unfortunate or, related to death? 7 as the lucky number?” She asked the whole.

The vast majority of the people whispered among themselves and nodded, few raised their hands.

“I assume most of you guys do believe those. None of those ‘beliefs’ I mentioned are true, we know that, but why do we believe in it?” She paused once more.

“It’s because us, as humans, and other intellectual animals, find comfort in things that make sense. Myths can be seen as complete lies, but they are logical, sometimes because the majority of the people say it’s logical. For example, the number 13 was the amount of people that had the last supper with Jesus Christ the night he was betrayed, according to the Bible. That is why we think 13 as bad, or unlucky.” The students nodded and jotted down notes as she spoke.

“If I were to say, the reason why it rains is because someone living in the sky cries, and the rain is their tears falling, most of you will obviously, not believe me. But, if you were primitives, and knew nothing about how rain falls, you would have believed me, and the person in the sky would be your God.”

“Would it, though, professor? I mean, just because you’re a primitive doesn’t mean you’re stupid, or dumb,” another student pointed out.

She smiled. “To be honest, we don’t know. Why? Because we’re not primitives. We can’t unlearn what we learned. So, I’ll give you a project to find this out. Everyone take notes on this.”

Everyone shuffled to get their papers.

“Find a young human, a child, or someone, that doesn’t know how it rains, and also an atheist. Explain and persuade them that it rains because of some other reason, involving a deity of some form, and tell me how it goes. I’ll cold call anyone, so be prepared.”

She held her hands together. “And that’s the end, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else in the middle, see you next time.”

All the students stood up, thanking her. She nodded and waved everyone good bye, reaching for her white cane, which was folded inside the podium.

Hannibal waited until everyone was out, and headed towards her, purposefully making little noise.

“That was an impressive lecture, Ms. Y/L/N, or should I say professor?” He suddenly spoke.

“Dr. Lector! I felt someone familiar,” she looked towards him, a light chuckle coming out.

“How did you know it was me?” Hannibal asked.

“It’s hard to forget a charming yet profound voice like yours, doctor,” she gave him a smile.

“Ah, you flatter me, Ms.Y/L/N.“ Hannibal’s eyebrows were raised at the unexpected compliment.

“What do I have the pleasure of hearing it again? Another case?” She asked, packing her simple bag.

“Not quite. Agent Crawford wants me to evaluate you too. Take a close eye.” Hannibal said, everything not entirely truths, but also not a lie.

“Ah. Crawford.” She muttered as she held her white cane.

“I wish that’s okay with you?” Hannibal asked.

“..Agent Crawford seems quite desperate for my help,” she muttered. “..don’t you think? I’m just not sure if I can be that much of help, despite having you analyze me,”

“You don’t think you’re worth a eval?”

“I don’t think I’m worthy to use taxes, to be exact. The payment is from the FBI, no? Funding of the FBI is from taxes…” she tapped her walking cane as she got off the podium.

“You’ve done plenty, maybe more than plenty for the FBI in return, Ms. Y/L/N. And not every fund from the government necessarily comes with a return, either.” Hannibal followed her from a respectable distance.

“Will, maybe. Me? I don’t think so.” she chuckled lightly. “It’s somewhat unethical, you know, wasting money. Especially the money collected by the government, from the people of this country…”

Hannibal listened to this elongated philosophical rant, about the duties of a democratic country. She was more talking to herself rather than talking to him, not letting him get the upper hand of the conversation.

Autism? His mind thought of it. But she didn’t seem to have trouble communicating. Asperger’s? maybe.

Or, she just was ranting unrelated stuff to avoid him analyzing, not knowing he just did.

She tapped her cane to began to leave the lecture hall, except that there was a slight height difference between the podium and the floor, causing her to stumble.

Hannibal rushed over and gently placed his hands on her arms to steady her.

“Careful.” He said.

“Thank you, what is it?” She asked, feeling the floor with her feet.

“There’s a step down between the carpet floor and the podium.”

“..there wasn’t one on the other side,” she muttered, slowly stepping down.

“Yes, there wasn’t. Must’ve been a mistake,” Hannibal confirmed.

“…well, thank you again. But I have another lecture to give today, unfortunately,” she said facing Hannibal.

“No worries. I’ll book your session whenever you’re comfortable, Ms. Y/L/N.”

=-=

“Wildlife hunters tend to hunt within a narrow limt. They don’t hunt the younger ones, or their parents, they don’t use extensive traps to find them, and they don’t kill endagered species. If they do, they tend to honor their bodies, at least to pay for the nature’s lose and its effects.” She told to the people performing autopsy on Cassie Boyle.

“Since when did you become a wildlife expert?” Beverly Katz asked.

“Last night,” Y/N shrugged. “The point is that this isn’t what the Shrike would have done to his victims. This is simply disgrace. He even put the last victim’s body back as an apology. That man would take the girl’s lungs while alive and stick her body to deer antlers? I don’t think so.”

Will nodded, satisfied that she was able to back up his point.

“Then who do you suggest did this?” Jack asked.

“Why are you so afraid of admitting there’s a copycat?” She asked.

There was silence. The people who knew Jack felt their own hair stand up at her question, sensing some sort of nervousness.

“Oh, I’m not afraid, it’s just that there’s 2 killers out there instead of one!” Jack replied with heavy sarcasm.

“The copycat won’t kill another like this one. It’s a…one-time thing.” She answered.

“And how do you know that, exactly?” Jack asked, clearly annoyed.

“If the copycat wanted to kill to confuse the FBI into thinking there was only one killer, they would have done it already. But it’s too different, and they know it.” She replied calmly.

“Why would they do that?”

“…curiosity,” she replied.

“A dare,” Will answered.

“Hold on, you two are telling me that the copycat killed a person just to try it out?” Jack looked at them both weird.

“..that’s what I think,” she muttered. “The timing’s strange. It’s right after the case was posted on tattlecrime, the copycat might have been interested.” She shrugged.

=-=-

It was very early in the morning when she heard a ring on her door.

She spent the night with Will at the motel in Minnesota, and she had to go back to Baltimore to continue her job. She just had the time to change and sleep a few hours before having to wake up and go give a lecture again.

She stirred awake, not entirely sure if the doorbell was her imagination or not.

But the bell kept ringing, so she reluctantly got up from the couch and grabbed her robe from where she remembered she had put. She leaned on the door. “..who is it?” She asked in a quiet voice.

“Y/N? It’s Hannibal.”

At first she thought of who this ‘Hannibal’ was, then she realized and quickly opened the door. The scent of the morning dew and a faint smell of raw meat was the first thing she felt.

“..is, is it not,” she touched her wrist braille clock to check the time. “..4 in the morning?” She asked, confused.

“It is, Ms.Y/N. I came with breakfast. Thought it would be a good way to start.”

She was still processing. “..okay, come in,” her mouth moved, however.

He stepped in, looking around. Her house was clean, nothing on the ground or visual accessories.

“…why, um, why did you come here, again?” she asked, still sumbfounded.

“I brought you breakfast, a little ‘get together’ time. I cooked it myself.”

“You cook?” she muttered and hurried to turned on the kitchen lights and get out forks and knives.

Hannibal comfortably sat on one side of the island table, taking out the things he brought. “I take extra caution on what I put in my body. A simple salad, with eggs and roasted salmon to cover the protein.”

“..oh, actually, um..” she hesitated to say. “..I’m quite strictly vegan, so I don’t think I can eat it,” she said. “…I’m truely sorry,”

“Are you know? That’s unfortunate. Luckly, I’ve made a simple vegan Ceasar salad too,” Hannibal took out another container and gave it to her.

She looked surprised but got the container anyways, her nature being unable to refuse. “o,oh?” she studdered.

In reality, it was Hannibal’s plan to test her. He wanted to see if she was really vegan, and how strictly she was vegan, acting like he didn’t know her appetite at all. The ceaser salad wasn’t even vegan, it had anchoive, well, which she didn’t have to know that.

“Please, feel free to eat it,” Hannibal insisted, not giving her time to refuse.

She reached for her fork and hesitantly started to eat it. “…it..it’s good. Delicious,” she admitted.

“My pleasure,” Hannibal said. “..forgive me for my curiousity, but do you cook? And if so, is there anything different, considering that you’re visually impaired?”

“I don’t really cook, not really. If I used to cook before…before I went blind, I probably would have continued, but…I just never found food to be that worthy of spending my time.” She replied.

“Ah. Do you drink, then?” Hannibal asked, planning what kind of wine he should give her in case he wanted to invite her to a dinner party.

“uh, I drink water, that’s all. Not really…alcohol,” she replied.

There was silence, and then a laughter.

“Sorry, I just…I’m so sorry.” She laughed, eating the salad.

“Don’t be, it’s not like all people drink,” Hannibal didn’t smile, but Y/N, who could only hear his voice, assumed he was smiling.

“I do have wine, and some whiskey, I think, if you want them.” she cleared her throat.

“Why do you have wine if you don’t drink?” Hannibal asked.

“Well, I get gifts, even though I tell them I don’t need them at all,” she muttered, standing up and heading towards a wine celler.

“Really? They send you wine gifts?” Hannibal asked, while he took out a vile of GHB from his pocket and covered the sound of it unscrewing with the sound of him clearing his throat.

“Yeah, I guess it’s what they can give to me without getting awkward, you know?” She chuckled.

He made a chuckling sound, but his face was still. He reached over to her salad and spread the clear GHB equally on it, before she returned with a wine bottle.

“Do you know what this is? That’s the newest one, I believe.” She said, handing him the wine.

“A Chianti, italian wine, One of the best. I’m surprised you have it,” he looked at it, observed with quite genuine amazement.

“Is it? Oh well, that’s my gift for this amazing salad,” she smiled and sat back down.

Hannibal stared intently at her, seeing her every movements when eating the salad with the extra ingredient he just put, GHB. He couldn’t help a smile creep up his lips as he saw she ate, her plate getting empty each second.

Tag list:

@wolfgirl-205

(the urge to just write non-plot smut.....is the way I know I'm ovulating)

#hannibal lector x reader #mads mikkelsen #hannibal lecter #will graham #hugh dancy #jack crawford

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theorionbunny · 3 months

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Title: That kind of feeling, I’ve waited so long. Fandom: an extremely goofy movie Paring: Maxley Summary: Bradley is mermaid and Max finds out, with him other than tank being the only one to know will this be devastating or will work out perfectly fine?

author’s note: i need to be euthanised this took me three days in in total to write i hope you enjoy 🫶🫶🫶 (i used daft punk lyrics from the song digital love for tittle btw)

There was always something off about mom she hated getting wet but she always looked longingly at the ocean, she hated eating seafood and when my father ate it she stared at him; the look behind her eyes was like he killed a friend or something, me and my sisters were not allowed to go in the water, bathing and pools were fine but the ocean and lakes well you’d get a look and pulled away. She never told us why, and would stay completely quiet and reserved if we asked boring holes into your eyes with hers until you walked away and father would huff as you did.

I feel like saying all of this is making it seem as if I disliked my mom, and I don’t I loved her more than anything. I was definitely what people call a “mama’s boy” and I am not ashamed in the least of this notion. She was always my favourite she didn’t yell if I messed up or came home untidy from playing in the yard, she just smiled fondly and helped clean me up, she found it cute when I played with her clothes and makeup to make myself look more like her. I look like my dad the most, I hate it. My older sisters look like her and I got the shit end of the stick, all I got was her eyes I wish I got more. Mom talked my father into letting me dye my hair blonde like hers it took months but it’s blonde now I really like it.

She was the best, but she lied. Lied about what dad did to her, lied that she was okay, lied about well I guess she didn’t lie about that but she did keep it from us, from me. Because he made her, who the fuck marries a mermaid and then makes them keep it to themselves that, that’s what they are anyway? Well he does I guess, it’s part of his superiorly complex or something. The knowledge that he has one of the most beautiful mythical creatures under his thumb and that he’s the only one who knows it. I was fifteen when I found out I had woken up and there was six strange lines on my body I noticed while showering, two on my forearms, two on the upper and two on the sides of my neck completely symmetrical. I went to my mom after and she didn’t say a word she just held her breath and looked at them studying them almost.

She did something I never thought she’d do, she took me to the lake the one our dad always fished on. The one we were never allowed to go near and told me to get in the water. I trusted my mother with my life so I did as she said and was scared but I did it she was right behind me as I walked in I didn’t know how to swim obviously but right as I was submerged and about to not be able to touch the bottom, she put her hands around my waist held me close and told me to take a deep breath, I did and she dove down into the lake with me in her arms. I won’t lie it was some magical girl shit but it was amazing the lines on my arms and I can only assume my neck two opened up and there was this weird fish fin like thing that came out my legs felt weird like they were stuck together but it wasn’t uncomfortable it felt, right almost.

And it was because I was just like her, like my mother, a fucking mermaid. Jesus this is insane to say, it’s been three years since that happened. I’ve graduated high school and I’m on my way to collage, at least mom got to see that. She got to go to my high school graduation but she’ll never see anything else she passed a few months ago, stroke while she was asleep we were too late.

The alarm blared and sun came through the curtains on the window. I feel like shit, it was 10:25 I had and hour before my classes started now, do I go back to sleep for half an hour and show up looking like I crawled out of the ocean or do I take a shower and get ready? It doesn’t matter that much as since I started a fire at the X Games, attempted to cheat, got caught and almost killed Tank and that damn freshman (now sophomore) a few months ago everyone pretty much hates me and doesn’t give a shit anymore…back to bed for half an hour it is. I laid back down and was about to fall back asleep when there was a knock at the door. Crap it was Thursday, Thursday was when everyone in the Gamma fraternity woke up at the same time and went down stairs for an…intervention of sorts to make sure no one is quote end quote “loosing it” no one says it (at least out loud) but, I know I’m reason.

I was so scared of loosing the games and so stressed about failing that I cheated and almost killed people. It’s a no bullshit space no matter what you say it has to stay in the house, no one can laugh, no one can judge it. It’s so fucking scary. I trudged down the stairs I was the last one just my luck, there was one space left a lonely chair almost in the dead centre of the room ooh how riveting. Tank always started by saying good morning to everyone like some group therapist and we always went by order of names first not last, i was third first was Aaron and the Aidan then me.

The two had relatively normal lives, Aaron got a gift basket from his mom as a ‘just because’ and Aidan had been having some trouble with his partner something about them being stressed over a test and him trying to help but it not going very well. Now for the grand show my turn I sighed as I worked up the courage, Tank was starting to forgive me and the others knew my family my father in particular. Save the amount of times they heard him yell at me and call me a horrible son for petty shit, so even though I didn’t deserve it they were sympathetic, rightfully upset still but sympathetic nonetheless. “My…” I took a breath, “My mom’s death anniversary is coming up in a few days, so I’m not doing the best.” I looked down the whole time my tail in between my legs and ears hanging lower than usual. Tank put his hand on my shoulder and spoke “on the day of I’ll tell the teachers you’re sick so you can go to the beach like you always do.” He smiled softly and winked after he finished he was the only one who knew.

I’ve known him since grade school when, “it” happened I convinced him to skip classes with me to go to the water I jumped in and showed him, he was definitely freaked at first but after it settled in his mind he thought it was cool. The other Gammas went the only other person who had an actual story was James he’s pretty new but he’s nice, his grandma called yesterday to tell him the cat died and he would be leaving for home in a few days to spend time with his family and reminisce. I wish my family was happy enough for that we don’t even get together for my moms death hence me going to the beach…alone well among other things. Two days, just get through two days then you go to the beach.

Surprisingly it did go by fast but whether that’s because I have a bad conception of time or because I spaced out for two days who knows, but finally I could go. I grabbed my bag it had some spare clothes, something to eat and another smaller bag to actually take down into the water with me. I walked to the beach and just like always there was no one there. I’ve noticed that if a collage student is going to skip class it because they need a mental day so they stay home instead of going out to party or hang out with friends like in high school.

I started to take my pants off when I heard foot steps I froze and turned my head it was. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Max Goof of all the people, him. Y’know what fuck him, fuck him. I am here for my mom and I am not going to let him ruin this plus he’s a little farther down and by himself, if I stay quiet he shouldn’t see me. I continued to undress myself and dove into the water, it was cold but I was used to it I felt the changes and then took a deep breath in I sat there for a few seconds before realising someone was…calling my name well a dumbass shortened version. I huffed and swam back up if he thinks I drowned he’ll definitely come down here.

I popped the very top of my head out and tried to keep the movement of my tail just enough to keep me up “what?” I said sharply, “Sooo the goody two shoes skipping? Tank said you were sick.” Of course he did. “I am sick, sick of this conversation.” I said as a matter of factly, “already? It just started…brad.” I hate this kid so much and it’s not even because of the X Games anymore he just gets on my nerves with his dumbass sense of humour, and stupid big doe eyes, and, and pretty long eyelashes, wait- what the fuck i am saying? God I’m creepy.

“Brad?” He took me from my thoughts “I told you not to call me that!” I yelled “why do you hate it so much?” He asked I thought about it, well I was trying to be open but with him? Ugh who cares, “it’s what people call my father, so I don’t like it.” he stared at me “what?! You asked!” I yelled again. “I know, I know I just wasn’t expecting an actual answer.” He put his hands up defensively I rolled my eyes I contemplated diving back in the water but if I did he’d see, but do I really care no one would believe him if he tried to tell anyway. “So” he started again “what are you doing here” that’s a dumbass question I muttered “what does it look like? Swimming” I said at full volume this time “well i know that but, why?” So so many stupid questions I groaned inside the comfort of my head “if you must know, my mom passed away five years ago today and we always swam together so, yeah.”

He looked surprised at my transparency, which is fair I’ve been pretty mean to him this last year. “Wow, um that’s I’m sorry I wasn’t expecting that.” “Yeah no one does.” He looked at me, like really looked at me and. Wait, why are his eyes looking at my neck, oh shit. Busted, fuck “well uh I should uh, I should go now. Like right now, bye!” And then I did the single most stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life…well in the last three months, I shot myself out of the water and dove back down. There’s a chance that he didn’t see the 5 foot pink tail…right?

I heard the sound of water splashing behind me, shit. This is why I hate him, he makes me clumsy in my 23 years of living I have never let anything slip and in the 8 years of that I’ve been like this no one has found out because of a clumsy mistake like that. I stopped swimming and turned around he was following me, of course he was I sat there watching him slowly but surely make his way to me I lifted my arm to point behind him and sternly said “go” he just kept swimming and I know he saw me as he was making eye contact with me as he slowly continued to swim forward.

I decided to keep going thinking he’d run out of air and have to bail, I was wrong we’ve been down here for almost a minute impressive but annoying. I finally turned again to shriek out “stop following me!!” He looked at me face full of determination and made one swift shove forward in the water far enough to reach out quickly and grab the base of my tail he pointed to the surface jabbing his finger up as he made a stern face I shook my head and started thrashing to try and get him to let go and leave me alone.

Just to my luck I slapped him with my fin hard enough to make his mouth open within seconds he let go starting to choke from lack of oxygen and tried to make it up he would never make it I sighed loudly before grabbing him and at full speed swimming up when we got up he gasped for air and I started swimming to the rock where this shit show started, I lifted him up onto it and he continued to gasp. I crossed my arms and laid them down onto the rock and laid my head down on them promptly after, when the gasping stopped I looked up just to enough to uncover my eyes. He was just staring, “you good” I tried it was muffled but not so much that he couldn’t hear me, nothing, “you know it’s rude stare no matter the reason?!” I was starting to loose my patience, again. “Okay well if you’re gonna sit there like a dipstick I’m gonna go” I lifted my head up all the way and started to turn. “Wait!” I stoped and looked at him expectingly “I just, i don’t know, I” I huffed and it looked like he was trying think of what to say. I felt cocky and decided to act full of myself I plastered my usual nasty ass smirk on my face and said “what? Left speechless by my breathtaking beauty?” He looked up slowly “kinda yeah, actually.”

Okay wasn’t expecting that but whatever, I lifted myself up fully onto the rock and laid on my stomach “yeah I tend to have that effect on people.” He smiled slightly before opening his mouth to speak “how, like how?” He gestured to my tail. I looked back and swished it slightly back and forth “I, I honestly don’t know. I mean I know it comes from my mom but that’s all I know I never asked her what her story was, I always thought if she left it was for good reason, especially because my father wasn’t always bitter so I know he didn’t threaten anyone or anything.” I looked back over to him he looked mesmerised, it was kind of cute actually. “Any other questions?” I teased, he looked at me and said “yeah but I feel like you’ll slap me.” I smirked again “eh go for it, I’m feeling gracious.” He smirked back and narrowed his eyes while raising his eye brows, well i don’t like that look. Not one fucking bit. Wait is he gonna ask- “where’s your junk go?” My face dropped and his just got impossibly more smug “you’re right I am gonna slap you for that” I got off my stomach and sat up right lifting my tail to the side of his face before raising my hand as well and asking “You want the tail or my hand?”

He started laughing and his eyes trailed down my tail before landing on the slit in the middle of my tail at the top right below my bellybutton, I jolted up and shoved hands in front of it “okay buddy that’s enough of that creep!” He doubled forward laughing, I felt the heat rise in my face. Yep he thought this was hilarious. I looked at him dead in the eyes and with an unamused expression asked “what? You want a mermaid sex ed lesson or something?!” His laughing subsided and he said “on the prospect of being genuinely curious, yes.” He paused “on the prospect of it coming from you? No.”

“What you think I’m not good enough to teach you or something?!” God why am I so competitive INreally gotta put the shovel down bc this hole is just getting deeper. He chuckled and looked at me almost, fondly? No that’s not what that was it couldn’t be. “You’re kinda cute when your flustered” I was about to answer with what I don’t quite know but i was interrupted by a tingling in my legs I looked down the colour was starting to fade meaning I was drying and my legs would be back soon, I look over to where my bag was and tried to start reaching for it “what wrong?” Max asked. I looked over and said “I’m drying so unless you want to see me naked I suggest you help me grab my bag.” He looked like he was trying to fight off a smirk, he better fucking not do what it looks like he’s thinking about doing. Unfortunately he doesn’t hands me my bag- wait, unfortunately? Where the fuck did that come from? He hands me the bag but his face still says he wanted to keep it from me, ugh I can’t tell if I’m delusional, paranoid, both or neither.

As I grab my clothes my tail continues to thin until my legs are back I quickly pull my pants on and pretend not to notice Max leering at me every now and then. I look up and he pretends he was turned around the whole time I almost want to say something just to tease him but, we’re getting along right now I don’t want to ruin it.

I stared at the ceiling it was 1:23 it was still dark out Max was probably asleep, we had the same english class so I knew his first class was 13:30. He was actually really smart, as my English class is a senior level class. Thursday was nice actually, it was the first time on my mom’s death day I actually felt consoled, happy even. yesterday me and Max actually smiled at each other in hall. He gave me his number and told me to text him if I ever wanted him for anything. would I seem like a freak if I texted him now? I checked the clock only a minute had passed, well here’s to hoping he sleeps with his ringer off.

max🛹

hey, would you want to go to the beach with me? as in now if you’re not sleeping that is.

sure gimme a sec 2 put a shirt on

oh he answered immediately, of course he texts like that. Wait, he sleeps shirtless- no no no, don’t go there Bradley that’s creepy, I sighed and flipped my phone shut, I started walking to the beach, when I arrived he wasn’t there yet so I undressed and dove in. A few moments later I heard foot steps when I looked up it was Max he was wearing his usual red shirt with a pair blue board shorts. He smiled at me and sat down two towels, he shucked his sandals off pulled his shirt off and slid in. Eyes up there Bradley don’t you dare, he was the first to speak “So, what’s up?” I cocked my head slightly “What?” he chuckled “Well you asked me to come, so I thought maybe something was wrong.”

“No, nothing’s wrong. I was just- as stupid as it is, lonely I was…lonely” he smiled, “that’s not stupid, kinda sweet actually. And shows you have changed, in a good way” I raised my eyebrow “I just mean, because last year you would have never called or texted me to hang out with you when you were lonely, you hated me and now here you are. You’re nice to be around now.” He finished I looked off across the the horizon line “I didn’t hate you.” I muttered “what?”

I sighed and looked back at him “I didn’t hate you” I said again louder this time, “oh” he said lamely. I sighed a second time “I admi- I was, ugh. I thought you were cool. And yeah I had a really, really shitty way of showing it but-“ “the shittiest” he cut me off. “Shut up! I’m trying to be sincere for once!” He giggled and I continued. “When I first saw you I thought you looked cool and you were, are good at skateboarding. So I decided to follow you and I did, I asked you join the Gammas and you said no. And that was embarrassing to me because you were this really cute guy and you did something not a lot of people did and that was say no to me. And on top of that you made fun of me a bit but the point I’m making is-“ “you think I’m cute?” He stared at me, I stoped and froze.

I. Did not. Just say that. Every instinct I had just kept screaming ‘Deny! Deny! Deny!’ But for some reason as I continued to stare back at him all I could stutter out was “Is, is that o-okay?” He let a breathy chuckle and smirked as he said “So what I’m hearing is, you had a crush on me and were pulling my pig tails like a toddler.” He teased I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and the butterflies pool in my stomach. I just stared at him I had nothing, no sarcastic comment, no mean comeback I’d kick myself in the ass for later, nothing. All I had was the truth, for once. “I, I suppose so”

I started to back up in the water slowly, I quickly said “I’m sorry that’s probably insanely creepy, I was horrible to you for a year hell I almost killed you and now I’m here and throwing that at you and-“ he grabbed my wrists and held me where I was, “no, you’re just shit at feelings.” He had a stupidly cute shit eating grin on his face. “I guess that’s one way to put it, but it’s still not an excuse” I muttered, when had he pulled me so close?! “Never said it was.” He muttered back.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, I’m 80% sure he had been using me as a buoy at this point but I found myself unable to care in this moment. His eyes flickered down to my lips “kiss me.” I started to lean forward, “What a gentlemanly way to ask.” I said closing the distance before he could say something in return. We stayed like that until we couldn’t breath, when we pulled apart he peppered a few light kisses in the crook of my neck. “So now that I kissed you is some weird mermaid shit gonna happened” he asked stupidly “yeah, you’re gonna sprout gills and turn into a guppy fish so I can keep you with me forever.” I replied “Sweet.” He said with a tone that can only be taken as fondly as he continued to lay his lips lightly on my neck and collarbone.

This was peaceful, the cool water, my tail and his legs brushing against one another slightly entangling every now and then, and his arms on my waist mine around his neck holding him as close as possible. I sighed and for the first time in a while it was out of content, until he stoped to leaned back slightly and peer downward at the water I looked at him confused until he said

“So that’s where your junk goes.”

#bradley uppercrust iii #max goof #a goofy movie #an extremely goofy movie #max goof x bradley uppercrust iii #maxley #fanfic #fan fiction #goofy movie fan fiction #mer!bradley au #mermaid au #my art ⛧

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player1064 · 4 months

Note

gary goes into business instead of broadcasting post-retirement. carra still goes into puditry. they don't know each other/end up as friends.

they both end up on the same season of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and fall in love. this is highly apparent to the entire audience.

I've not done a request fic in like two months bc I've been so zoomed in on the beville fic but I wanted to write something quick and silly and yes this request has been sitting in my inbox for more than THREE months but dont worry i did not forget about it I haven't forgotten about ANY of u.

and this really is quick and silly it is Mostly dialogue bc idk how else to convey the Vibes of im a celebrity but I had soooooo much fun with this dkjfgdfjsgkk...

---

“I’m Gary Neville, I’m a businessman but I’m probably best known for my football career, playing 602 games for Manchester United and earning 85 caps for England.”

“What am I doing in the jungle? Mid-life crisis, I suppose.”

“I’m no stranger to public humiliation – just look at my coachin’ career! My only worry is the food – I do love a dairy milk, to be fair.”

“I’m Jamie Carragher, and I’m best known as a football pundit with Sky – am I allowed to say other broadcaster’s names on here? – and for winning the Champions’ league with Liverpool.”

“I’ve always said the jungle is the only reality show I’d consider doin’, so I guess it’s time to put me money where me mouth is.”

“Scared? Eh, no, I don’t think there’s many challenges I wouldn’t do. You don’t get to where I’ve got without that drive to win.”

Jamie walks into camp, takes one look at the group of people stood in front of him, and almost considers walking straight back out. Would that work, saying the catch-phrase outside of one of the challenges? ‘I’m a celebrity, get me away from Gary fucking Neville?’

“Jesus Christ,” Gary mutters. “Don’t you ‘ave some children to spit at or somethin’?”

“Don’t you ‘ave a football team to coach – oh no, sorry, they both fired you.”

“How the fuck are they lettin’ you take three weeks off in the middle of season? What’re people gonna do when they want to listen to two hours of Scouse gibberish?”

The rest of the campers watch on, no longer even attempting to come and introduce themselves to Jamie.

“And how’s your club gonna manage without yous, eh? What if they need someone to fire another manager?”

“Yeah, I uh… is it mean to say I hope one of them gets voted off soon? Don’t get me wrong, they’re both perfectly nice guys, but…”

[yelling heard from outside the hut]

“…Yeah.”

The first pairs challenge, shockingly, goes off without a hitch.

This is not a surprise because the challenge was particularly difficult – it’s early days, they’re still easing everyone in – but because of who the public had voted to complete it. Because the public is the public, and they’re nothing if not predictable.

“All twelve stars! I’m pretty pleased w’that, you know.”

“Typical fucking Neville, taking the credit for his partner’s hard work.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t seem to recall you crawling about in the mud to get the –”

“—I was the one doin’ all the heavy lifting!”

“Of course you were doin’ the heavy lifting, look at the fuckin’ size of you!”

“Ugh.”

Jamie storms off camera and back into camp, leaving behind a bewildered looking Gary.

“He’s a bit of a diva, in’t he?”

“The first few days? Erm, it’s been goin’ alright, I think. I’ve been told I’m not always the easiest person to get on with, so it’s a pleasant relief that the others seem to – I mean, obviously not all of the others, but – but he’s –”

“Oh, I’m loving camp. Missing the gym a bit –” for emphasis, Jamie slaps his bicep – “but the food’s not as bad as I were expectin’, and the banter is sound – we’re all great friends already –”

“—well, no, but you can’t count him. He’s so weird, ‘ave you seen him? Like a little robot, doin’ everything exactly the same every day.”

“Another pairs challenge…”

“I don’t get why people keep voting for us to do these trials. You’re useless at ‘em anyway, do they want to see us starve?”

“Maybe I’d be able to get more done if you didn’t always insist on bossing me around, James. Can barely hear myself think over that Scouse screech of yours, it’s a wonder me eardrums haven’t burst yet.”

“It’s a wonder nobody’s killed themselves in the boredom of having to listen to you drone on and on all day. Did I actually hear you talkin’ about the stock market the other day?”

“The stock exchange, oh my god. It’s my hotel, which you’d know if you took part in any conversation that’s not about you.”

“I can’t believe they let you have that.”

Jamie looks with pride down at the football he’d chosen as his luxury item, then drops it and kicks it towards Gary’s head. It’s wide by about a metre.

“Oi! If you were a half decent footballer that could’ve actually hurt me, you twat.”

“’least mine can benefit everyone in camp, what even is yours?”

“Fidget toy, innit. My niece got me into them, gives me something to do with my hands.”

“You’re a strange little man, you know that right?”

Gary, who’s still positioned closest to the football, picks it up and lobs it into the trees surrounding camp.

“Come have a kickabout with me?”

Gary looks around but there’s nobody else sat nearby. “Me?”

“No, Cristiano Ronaldo. Of course you, who else would I be askin’?”

“Literally anyone else here?”

“It’s not as fun when you’re better than everyone else –”

“—ah, so you admit I’m a better footballer than you!”

“That’s not what I said!”

“What are you actually doin’ in here? ‘cause no offence, Gary, but you don’t really seem the reality show type.”

“Dunno. Was having a rough week when the email came through, thought it might be nice to get away from everythin’ for a bit.”

“’and you, Jameh?’” Jamie says in a squeaky parody of a Manc accent. “Oh, thanks fer askin’, Gaz. I was worried I was goin’ soft, now that I’ve been retired for so long. Wanted to prove to myself I can still be a winner.”

“Still? When were you ever a winner before?”

“I’ve won a Champions’ League, I’ll have you know!”

“I’ve won two!”

“Have you fuck.”

“Who’s your letter from, then? Missus?”

“No, my brother,” Gary says absently, then he looks up from his letter with a frown. “I don’t have a missus, what’re you on about?”

“Don’t you? I could’ve sworn, in Baden Baden with the WAGs –”

“You’re basing your knowledge of my relationship status on a tournament we played in more than fifteen years ago?”

“You realise you’re literally wearing a wedding ring.”

“And you’re not. Any other observations you’d like to make? Sky is blue, maybe?”

“Normally people wear wedding rings to show they’re married.”

“Maybe some people wear them to avoid annoying questions. Anyway, Philip says that I’m coming across very well so far and that ITV has received hundreds of complaints from people who can’t understand your accent.”

“He did not fucking write that, give it here –”

“Am I getting along better with Jamie? I dunno, I never had a problem with him to be fair, it’s him that’s always –”

“Friends? With Gary? Behave. Have we managed to go a single day so far without him shoutin’ at me for somethin’ I did, or somethin’ I didn’t do right, or for – for breathing in the wrong direction. Christ, I’ve never met anyone this fussy. He’s too easy to wind up.”

“He must be doin’ it on purpose, surely nobody is that thick – I mean, is it so hard to stack a couple of dishes when you’ve finished washing them?”

“Well, no, yeah, he did stack them, but did you see – they were all out of order, there’s no stability – they’re certain to all fall and break in the night thanks to him.”

All the effort that goes into the Dingo Dollars task and all the camp has to show for it is a single square of chocolate each. Gary nibbles carefully at his, trying to preserve it for as long as possible.

Jamie gets up and goes to sit beside him.

“Here.”

“Wha?”

“Here, I don’t like sweets.”

“You don’t – what kind of a psychopath don’t like sweets?”

“Will you just take the bloody chocolate before I change my mind.”

“You’re limping. Why are you limping?”

“Done my ankle in the last trial.”

“Trust you to get injured doin’ a trial. What’d you do, you slip or somethin’?”

“Why don’t you ask your mate, he’s the expert on slipping.”

“Ha ha. But really, Gary – you alright?”

“I’m fine, Carra, ‘s not even strained. Just a bit achy. Twenty years as a professional athlete will do that to you.”

“Give it here.”

“You what?”

“Give it here, I do an okay massage. Maybe that’ll stop yer whining.”

“I literally didn’t say a word until you brought it up.”

“I don’t know, he’s – ugh, he’s…”

“He’s not what I expected. I dunno. He’s just not what I expected.”

“D’you know how many times me and Gary played a full ninety together with England? One. We only ever played one full match on the same side, and it was shite.”

“It always felt like there was only room for one of us, so I just – I fucking hated him. ‘cause it wasn’t me the managers were picking, was it?”

“Carra?” Gary whispers

“What.”

“Carra, I can’t sleep.”

“Don’t give a fuck.”

“Jamie.”

Jamie reluctantly sits up in his camp bed, squints at Gary in the dark. “What.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“You already said that.”

“I want to go for a walk, clear my head.”

“Good for you.” Jamie lies back down and pulls his sleeping bag over his face.

“Jamie.”

“I swear to God, Gaz…”

“Yer not gonna make me go out there alone, are ya? It’s the middle of the night.”

“What are you, twelve? Fine, just give me a minute to find my shoes.”

“It’s very dark, isn’t it?”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

They hadn’t ended up walking very far, just to the log benches in the next clearing over before agreeing the risk of tripping over tree roots was too high and sitting down to just talk instead.

“My internal clock’s all thrown off, we’ve been here nearly two weeks and I still can’t get the hang of it. At home to be fair I’m normally in bed by ten, half ten.”

“I remember, from England. You and Phil were such geeks, weren’t you?”

“Most capped brothers in England, thank you very much.”

“D’you miss him?”

“Nah. Don’t get to see ‘im much anyway, to be fair. He’s off in America, Trace is out here, they’re both just – getting on with it, aren’t they? I prob’ly miss my house more’n anything else.”

“Your house… not your friends? Not football?”

“I like my house! It’s got everythin’ just the way I like it.”

“Alright, alright. Fine, you can miss your house.”

“Wha’d’you miss? Your kids? The missus?”

“I dunno really… kids are both all grown up now, missus went back to being a ms a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

“Is what it is. Anyway, I miss football even if you don’t, honest to God, what kind of a footballer are ya? I wish someone would slip me this week’s standings, feel like I’m going insane tryin’ to imagine all the results.”

“Should’ve said something sooner, twat. I can tell you how the league’s going.”

“You can?”

“Yes. Manchester United are on a – how many games’ve we missed now? – they’re on a three game winning streak and have shot to the top of the league.”

“Oh yeah? What about Liverpool?”

Gary tuts and shakes his head. “Relegation zone, I’m afraid.”

“We were top of the table when I came in ‘ere!”

“Well, you know what they say – anything can happen in football, can’t it?”

“You’re right, what’s that… I’m getting reports from Old Trafford that Salah’s just scored a hat-trick, Stretford end as well –”

“You twat! As if your Liverpool could win away against United, you’re dreaming!”

“Erm, yeah… it’s good to be going home, ‘course it is. Glad I wasn’t the first voted out, hah, I actually think I’ve done alright in ‘ere.”

“Yeah, no, it’s been a brilliant experience to be fair. I never thought I’d make such good friends – yeah, even him. I know, I’m as surprised as you are! Anyway, I’m wishin’ them all the very best of luck in the semi-finals.”

“I mean, I know fourth place isn’t bad, but I do think I deserved to get to the finals. I’ve worked harder than anyone else here, so –”

“Well yeah, ‘course, it’s up to the public, so – if it’s my time then it’s my time.”

“What’ll I be doin’ when I get to the hotel? Dunno. Check my messages first, probably!”

“What, Gary? I saw ‘im yesterday, it’s not like I’m missin’ him already! Might get ‘im to buy me a pint, though, least he could do after I had to put up with him for three weeks.”

#u just KNOW the first thing jamie did when he got out the jungle was a) shower then b) immediately find gary and kiss him stupid #carraville #drabbles

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todorroki · 3 months

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I miss nature (Love Sea ep 4&5 thoughts)

I was planning on doing a post for each episode, but I was busy. Or maybe I subconsciously don't want to leave the island so I put it off and by the time I sat down to do write a post, a whole week passed. Who knows??????? LMAO

Title. i miss the island setting. which is crazy because i personally am NOT a nature person lol i prefer the city. but this is a drama and it's called LOVE SEA so like.... WHERE'S THE SEA. the only sea we're getting in the bangkok portion of this story is a sea of tears.

shoutout to the candid shots of the island. i thought that was a nice extra touch. also this scene!!! PLEASE someone give fp a royal setting or something. my god

onto the city, WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS FR. FORT IS A TALL BOY HOW ARE YOU GONNA OPEN ANYTHING WITHOUT A LADDER IF YOU'RE NOT AS TALL AS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

i think the best part of ep 4 is seeing fort in that white tee. the gears in my head r turning at max speed. why does he fill that out so well. jesus.

how much is mook getting paid? she puts up with so much LMAO like the check must be sooo big and her loyalty to rak must be soo solid.

now for the most hurtful part of this ep, rak telling mut he doesn't believe in love and that there will never be anything more than sex between them. peat's line delivery was Good and effective. it stung as the audience just hearing it. and the way mut's face fell and rak's eyes start shifting afterwards?? he himself knew what he said hurt. but mut still wasn't deterred and at this point, i'm sure he has a good grasp on rak's general mindset.

my favorite part of ep 4, the kitchen scene at the end. them teasing each other, mut feeding rak. it was soo soft. and rak's pouty cat stare (sooo cuuute) and peat's legs! we cannot go an ep without em.

pausing between the 2 eps to gush about fortpeat for a second. why do they make domestic scenes look so good. or am i just biased (probably). the puppycat energy is SO strong with these two. i kinda want to see them play characters that are Completely opposite of themselves. i know they'd still eat their roles. it'd just be crazy to think about.

ANYWAYS, ep 5 ↓

the restaurant scene was so real. are we not allowed to call food by their names anymore. must we order a piggly wiggly mega crunch. i truly do get it. and the shopping scene afterwards???

mut telling him he wants to take care of his life. HOW CAN ANYONE WATCHING THIS NOT BE IN LOVE WITH MUT AT THIS POINT!!!!!!!!!

switching to the girls, aya did SO well in this part. the conflict, the hurt. i see it all!!! but how does mook even know if vi doesn't like women! girl believe in it!!

does prin remind anyone of stop from LITA??? like the goofy ass ego and behavior is so similar to me. wym she came all this way just to hurl verbal jabs at her cousin?? HELP. also i KNOW this is like a stand off between rak and prin, but they're both slaying so hard in the visual department. HAIR, MAKEUP, FIT! and for some reason the bgm is going so hard and for why LMAOOOO what is this music!!

and rak puts on a front like prin's words don't matter much to him, but they obviously hurt a LOT from rak's reaction to it afterwards. him telling mut to get out and leave him alone to deal with his emotions by himself!! and then seeing the food mut left for him. someone's caring for him!!! he's not alone!! and the best AND worst part is seeing rak cry into the food. my god. as someone who's been there more than once, that scene hit soo hard.

NOW THAT PART IN THE FITTING ROOM.... MUTRAK ARE SO HORNY YALL that's nawt even a door it's a flimsy curtain!!!!! i'm not mad about them wanting to bang in the fitting room btw.. im mad they got interrupted :( we could've had a whole keep your voice down kinda nc scene with so much kissing and biting smh

fort has said before they had to rework their first kiss scene bc they hadn't kissed in a while. seeing that they filmed the city portion before the island, i feel like this was the first kiss he was talking about? idk someone can correct me if im wrong. i'm simply guessing.

anyways. enough of this rambling. the ending credits of ep 5 is soo cute and my favorite so far. i can't wait for khom next week!! more characters!!!

if you stumbled across this post and read it, thank you for your time!!

#love sea the series #love sea #bl drama ramble

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apocalypticavolition · 5 months

Text

Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 5: Nightmares Walking

Or uh, riding, since that's what my picture has. Alas. Anyway you know the drill by now I'm sure, spoilers for anything and everything under the sun in this post, especially The Wheel of Time since that's what I'm rereading.

This chapter has the Trolloc triptych because we're getting a Shadowspawn attack.

He opened his mouth to shout warning, and suddenly the door of Moiraine’s hut burst open and Lan dashed out, sword in hand and shouting, “Trollocs! Wake, for your lives! Trollocs!”

Perrin, with the magical help of an entire pack of wolves, is only ALMOST as fast to respond to a crisis as Lan. That man's real fucking badass, y'know? (But also: Perrin is fighting his powers every step of the way and Lan's got two decades of experience with his own supernatural aid. It's only a matter of time before Perrin makes Lan look like the chump.)

The Tuatha’an woman pressed her back against the log wall, a hand to her throat. The light from the burning trees showed him the pain and horror, the loathing on her face as she watched the carnage.

I was just reading some stuff iliiuan had to say on the Tuatha'an before I got into this chapter so let me just note: Leya's priorities are all out of whack here if Perrin's reliably relating her emotions. She's not keeping herself safe, she's just being judgy about violence happening in her vicinity. And it kills her.

All that mattered was that he had to reach Leya, had to get her to safety, and the Trolloc was in the way.

Perrin's desperation to do the right thing even though of course he could easily write Leya off as an inevitability (and an inconvenience until the inevitable happens to boot) is why he's a hero, you know? I'll be giving this boy the most shit out of anyone but he tries to save someone's life even though he knows he can't and that's something.

The stink of it filled his nostrils, goat-stench and sour man-sweat.

It's good to know that Trollocs produce all the scents available to them instead of just limiting themselves to one or the other. And by good I obviously mean gross, but since I read it you have to too!

She was still there, huddled in front of the hut, not more than ten paces upslope. And watching him with such a look on her face that he could barely meet her eyes.

Leya's zealotry may be a formative trauma for Perrin I think.

Suddenly Leya moved, throwing herself forward, attempting to wrap her arms around the Myrddraal’s legs.

Well that's great and all Leya but isn't restraining someone so they can't move a very light form of violence? Like good... well good may be strong, but some kind of positive adjective... effort trying to protect Perrin and all but if you tripped the Fade isn't that causing it physical harm? Where is the line for the Tuatha'an? Did she in the last moment of her life betray her own beliefs for nothing? Concerning if so.

“Fade,” Perrin said roughly, but then a different name came to him, from the wolves. Trollocs, the Twisted Ones, made during the War of the Shadow from melding men and animals, were bad enough, but the Myrddraal—. “Neverborn!” Young Bull spat.

Half the reason we don't get Rand POVs much in this book is that Perrin's stealing his TGH schtick of losing himself in his newfound powers. I think this is something of a leftover from the proto-Tam character who was going to be Jesus AND the luckiest SOB ever AND a werewolf AND probably a really good shot I guess or whatever that fourth kid was supposed to contribute. Being easily replaceable, maybe?

The urge to rush down the slope and join his brothers, join in killing the Twisted Ones, in hunting the remaining Neverborn, was strong, but a buried fragment that was still man remembered. Leya.

Perrin will of course spend this book (and the next... ten?) afraid that he might turn into a werewolf forever because of an encounter, but we see right here that this isn't a risk for him because he's always got stuff to pull him back. Leya's barely in the list of ten most recent people he talked to but he won't abandon his humanity for her sake - how much less likely is he to abandon it once he's got Faile?

He no longer thought of the greater battle. There was only the Trolloc he and the wolves—the brothers—cut off from the rest and brought down. Then there would be another, and another, and another, until none were left. None here, none anywhere.

Obviously this is a terrible viewpoint to adapt if you're trying to be the strategy guy, but since Perrin isn't that anyway and the battle isn't reliant on such things, it actually works for him here. He's also more aware of himself than he was with the Whitecloaks, showing he's developed a little with his powers even if he's afraid of them.

Young Bull threw back his head and howled with her, mourned with her. When he lowered his head, Min was staring at him. “Are you all right, Perrin?” she asked hesitantly.

Note that while Min's obviously freaked out by Perrin embracing his inner furry, she's not exactly treating him like a freak show either. Like I said, she'd probably be very supportive if she knew the details.

Frantically he walled himself off from contact with the wolves. Images seeped through, emotions, as he tried to stop them. Finally, though, he could no longer feel them, feel their pain, or their anger, or the desire to hunt the Twisted Ones, or to run. . . .

Again we can kind of see how the proto-Tam's various aspects would have tied into a central character arc, with rejecting the naturalistic wolf expression being just one more way he would have been hardening himself and just one more thing he'd need to embrace to be the full hero at the end.

The Shienarans still standing—so few—lifted their blades and joined him. “Tai’shar Manetheren! Tai’shar Andor!”

Hell, even the Shienarans aren't that judgmental since they are already following Rand around.

But when he was with the wolves, it was all so different. He did not have to worry about strangers being afraid of him just because he was big, then. There was no one thinking he was slow-witted just because he tried to be careful. Wolves knew each other even if they had never met before, and with them he was just another wolf.

Is it wrong that occasionally I think Perrin might be a little bit on the spectrum?

“A sign to confirm our faith. Even wolves came to fight for the Dragon Reborn. In the Last Battle, the Lord Dragon will summon even the beasts of the forest to fight at our sides. It is a sign for us to go forth. Only Darkfriends will fail to join us.”

Masema is of course foreshadowing his delightful nonsense, showcasing how he was still corrupted by Fain, and letting Jordan make it subtly clear that the real Last Battle will be more complicated. It's not just Darkfriends who won't be on the side of the Light, even at the very end.

Do you know what I did during the fight?” Still staring into the distance, Rand addressed the night. “Nothing! Nothing useful. At first, when I reached out for the True Source, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t grasp it. It kept sliding away. Then, when I finally had hold of it, I was going to burn them all, burn all the Trollocs and Fades. And all I could do was set fire to some trees.”

Rand's an incredible channeler, but even he needs a teacher.

“We . . . dealt with them, Rand,” Perrin said. He shivered, thinking of all the wounded men down below. And the dead. Better that than the mountain down on top of us. “We didn’t need you.”

And likewise, in the final conflict, no one will be needing Rand to deal with the individual Shadowspawn and even if he could deal with them to keep the people alive it would be a waste of everyone's time.

There had been a man, Elyas Machera, who also could talk to wolves. Elyas ran with the wolves all the time, yet seemed able to remember he was a man. But he had never told Perrin how he did it, and Perrin had not seen him in a long time.

Sorry Perrin, but he doesn't really pull it off anywhere near well enough for your standards.

He gasped and almost dropped his axe. He could feel the skin on his back crawling, muscles writhing as they knit back together. His shoulder quivered uncontrollably, and everything blurred. Cold seared him to the bone, then deeper still. He had the impression of moving, falling, flying; he could not tell which, but he felt as if he were rushing—somewhere, somehow—at great speed, forever.

Another reminder that the best modern Aes Sedai have for healing at this point is emergency care, which works but definitely isn't the good stuff. Moiraine even tells him to eat afterward.

“Most of the wolves who were hurt made their own way to the forest,” Moiraine said, knuckling her back and stretching, “but I Healed those I could find.” Perrin gave her a sharp look, yet she seemed to be just making conversation. “Perhaps they came for their own reasons, yet we would likely all be dead without them.”

Moiraine is nice enough to try and thank Perrin subtly, but of course he's much too suspicious for any of that.

“If you could get me to Shayol Ghul now,” Rand said drowsily, “by Waygate or Portal Stone, there could be an end to it. No more dying. No more dreams. No more.”

It would obviously have a terrible ending, but a fanfic of Moiraine somehow taking sleep-deprived Rand to Shayol Ghul and just kind of hoping for the best would be hysterical. This Rand might not be as traumatized as he's going to be, but I still think assuming he'd last five minutes before agreeing to let the Dark One unmake reality is overly generous.

“That’s right,” Rand said bitterly. “I’m not to be trusted. Lews Therin Kinslayer killed everyone close to him. Maybe I’ll do the same before I am done.” “Pull yourself together, sheepherder,” Lan said harshly. “The whole world rides on your shoulders. Remember you’re a man, and do what needs to be done.”

If Perrin or Mat had tried sassing Lan like this they would have learned what their pancreas looked like once chopped in half before finishing the second sentence, so while Lan's toxic masculinity is of course only adding to the Dragonmount of psychological issues Rand's going to need to deal with, let's also reflect that it's still him going easy on his favorite boy.

Next time: Ingtar leads the crew out of Fal Dara, Rand finds out Moiraine fucked with his belongings again, and Lanf--

Wait no. Sorry. That was LAST book's chapter "The Hunt Begins". Next time we read THIS book's version, which probably has a lot less Ingtar due to his having a prior commitment. Also much less Rand on account of his running away.

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #perrin aybara #lan al'mandragoran #moiraine damodred #leya #min farshaw #loial #masema dagar #uno nomesta #rand al'thor

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dolokhoded · 8 months

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80s jesus 'verse disciple headcanons pt. 3 (jesus, judas, jb)

my sincere apologies i know i said i'd bost judas "in a little bit" about. 2 weeks ago. here they are. @ that one anon who asked me about judas, my brain works very slowly, there he is

JESUS

ok starting off jesus is gender wacky. idk what he is i use he/him for him but calling him a man feels off. he's my favorite gender identity which is wack.

being somewhat divine does that to you you don't really care for the labels society has completely made up. ANYWAYS

i don't even know what i'm gonna write for jesus i'm sure you know what kinda guy jesus was.

okay. grew up in nazareth with his parents miriam and yosef and his siblings

(don't ask me why im using the hebrew form of names for the parents but not jesus himself. it's because we have a hundred marys.)

he has three siblings, two sisters and one brother, and he's older than all of them with a pretty big age gap, he was kind of an accidental pregnancy

(or, y'know, the son of god. but who knows ! )

had a relatively normal life compared to everyone else. i guess reparations for how well his life went last time idk.

jesus is also the only one out of them all who has somewhat of a sense that they've all existed together somewhere before ? he doesn't clearly remember any of it, but he did recognize his disciples when he met them.

he also has a lot of nightmares. they're vague, but very painful.

anyways aside from that pretty decent upbringing. he always knew that he wanted to help people as much as he can.

he learned carpentry from his dad and although he did study political science he ended up just running his father's shop.

however of course he also runs his organization ! which i really struggle to pick a main cause for because like it's jesus ? i feel like he'd care about anything that helps people he's just trying to make the world a little better.

idk. i'll think about it.

before he was doing that he was doing a lot of activist and volunteer work alongside his cousin john ! you guys know cousin john !

and therefore already had a lot of peers and a lot of friends who then followed him and supported him. the first being andrew, who was very close with john and was there when there was just talk between the three of them and maybe some more friends about jesus starting his own cause

aside from carpentry, which he obviously likes and is very good at, jesus is actually a little bit of a creative in general.

he just started with woodcarving with his leftover supply for fun and then slowly moved on to clay and occasionally even sculpting.

likes to give stuff shape anyways

cares so much for his whole team and always reminds them to be kind to themselves and take care of themselves however he has not practiced self care a single DAY in his entire LIFE

will overwork himself to exhaustion if someone doesn't physically drag him away. has before.

for an all loving creature he has the emotional intelligence of a doorknob

dgmw he's great. he's kind to everyone and all that. he's understanding.

still has not known what the fuck is going on a day in his entire life. each time any of his friends looks the slightest bit off he comes to the wildest possible conclusion.

most of the time said conclusion being that it's his fault

he might be a tiny bit self-centered. usually not in a positive way towards himself either, it just means he thinks he's the cause of everything bad happening in his life.

feels like the world revolves around him, just in a very pessimistic way

but he's got a lot on his plate can you blame him.

love how i went "yeah he's relatively doing pretty well" and then gave him a bunch of issues lol sorry jesus

JUDAS

welcome, queers, i know you're here for him, here he is

judas is an only child and comes from a very rich family.

his parents own an insurance company and have like a bunch of buildings they're renting.

generational wealth, basically. it's all inherited and they're making a shit ton of money out of nothing it's all already set up.

judas' family is also very religious.

and i know that so far two out of the two times i've said that it means the parents are assholes but i swear it's not like that james and john's parents are also religious it just wasn't relevant.

but yeah judas' parents are, in fact, assholes. judas was very involved at the temple from very early childhood.

which unfortunately led to him being abused by religious officials that he could supposedly trust and grew up with.

especially once he started growing into his teens and came to the realization that he very much Does Not like women.

which his parents didn't love either.

somewhere around that time he started to distance himself from his family, especially once he moved away for university. judas studied political science but halfway through kind of changed career plans and double majored in journalism

which was very demanding but he did it anyways !

in university he meets jesus. jesus is in his third year when he's in his first and helps him out a lot. they're both very politically active too and always meet at protests and charity events etcetcetc so, yeah, they know each other. and sure there's something there but judas is very closed off and they drift apart when jesus graduates.

oh, judas also has depression, he was diagnosed at age ten, his family was very ashamed of that as well.

in his last year of university, he falls out with his parents once and for all.

they already weren't close, judas was very hurt by them and obviously he had a lot of personal issues with them but to him the line came when he found out about a lot of things that were going on behind closed doors in his parents' company, they were scamming a lot of innocent people and also partnering with a lot of . really just scum of the earth kind of people.

judas got rightfully very upset and had absolutely zero reason to keep covering up any of this. so he didn't ! and obviously that was very disastrous for the company.

judas gets disowned. not legally, but his parents cut all ties with him. not that he wasn't going to do that himself anyways.

obviously though as a consequence he suddenly has very very limited money. luckily for him he's currently in a relationship with his guy, isaac, who's very happy to let him move into his apartment. it would benefit him too to share the rent anyways. as it turns out, isaac's not a great guy ! judas himself isn't too well either so they have a very weird very unhealthy very codependent relationship and though they fight a lot it takes judas two years until he finally finds the strength to walk out on him.

judas didn't think that through very well because he doesn't really have anywhere to go. to his luck, guess who he runs into !

it's jesus. of course it's jesus this is the dolokhoded bible where the main character is still jesus, no matter how much i love to talk about james and simon.

jesus is on his way to a meeting with his team and he's like hey why don't you come along. and judas does. and that's it, he meets the whole gang, he ends up rooming with andrew and philip for a while before he gets his own place.

and, y'know. he does, eventually, in an excruciatingly slow process that tests the patience of all of their friends, get together with jesus.

okay i prob have to write this too uhh sad stuff ahead judas attempts once.

he's spiraling and overworking himself and hiding it pretty well. has some petty fight with john that jesus scolds him about and then has another fight with jesus over that and overall it's not going swell.

strangely enough it's john who decides to check on him after that. he has not gotten along with judas a day in his life but he could tell how upset he was and jesus is hurt and also a little petty and isn't gonna go do it himself so he decides he might as well. to his horror he stumbles into. well. yeah

he survives.

he moves in with jesus, john and matthew for a while after that.

(a lot of them are rooming they don't have much money)

goes back to therapy too.

okay sad stuff over. it gets better. he's doing well. gets a job at an independent news page and becomes quite known among his circles for his work too.

JOHN THE BAPTIST

or JB.

he does not baptize anyone. his first name is john baptist. don't ask me the logic of being named after himself when he hasn't existed yet for people to be named after him ok making an au of a defining characteristic of current human society is fucking difficult

jesus' cousin. his mother, elisheba, is miriam's sister. she's a good fifteen years older than her, and was in her fourties the year that both jesus and jb were born so her getting pregnant was a bit of a surprise.

grew up with jesus and they're very close. they studied together and they theorized together and they discussed everything together.

very big on environmental activism. and by consequence very very anti-capitalism. very anti-fast fashion, for multiple reasons. also vegan :).

jb genuinely believes the human race is the universe's biggest abomination and we should just go extinct. he's not wrong.

he doesn't pick favorites (but he does and they're andrew and philip they're his favorites)

philip was sort of his right hand

he's kind of there to encourage all the shit jesus can't if he doesn't want absolute chaos and zero planning. give simon a pat on the back for getting into fights with racists and all that.

generally he's a little more radical that jesus is. they don't agree on everything but they both respect each other's stances.

he's so well read. it's obvious too, they're all educated obviously, but this guy talks and you can tell he knows his shit. it's very impressive.

and not even in the sense of being well informed and reading theory he knows literature he knows art he's so cultured and i don't like using the word cultured because it often brings to mind a very western very white very high class perception of "culture" but that's not what i'm talking about here.

jb calls himself an atheist in a more political sense. he believes that people shouldn't rely on some higher force to give humanity and morality substance and should instead search for meaning inside those things alone, otherwise they won't have the right motivations to be moral and therefore their beliefs will have no strong foundation.

he grew up jewish but his relationship with his faith is very personal to him and stays between him and god. he doesn't care to discuss it with anyone, except maybe jesus a few times.

sort of everyone's go-to person for advice. he's there to talk the stupid out of them.

his mother was a seamstress, and he learned from her. he likes to make a lot of his own clothes.

professionally, however, he's a translator. he speaks hebrew, english, greek, russian and arabic. (also a little bit of french and german. he's not qualified to translate those though) (is constantly in the process of learning more)

he just fixated on different alphabets as a teenager a little too hard.

#bible fandom #dolokhoded bible #took me. EIGHTEEN DAYS approximately.#im doing either matthew and philip or matthew philip And either thomas or nathanael next.#whoever doesnt make it to the next post is banished with thad and little james. my dallas jenkins era.#(i am joking fuck dallas jenkins)

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justanisabelakinnie · 1 year

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I was pretty bored yesterday and in a bitter mood and so I ended up spam-reblogging a shitload of anti-Madoka Magica posts(and no I’m not sorry, because no matter fucking what I will never stop hating on that trashfest of an anime), and obviously there’s nothing much really that I can say about it that hasn’t already been said by both me and other people in the past but lemme just say how FUCKED up it is…that grown men can look at a genre full of light and hope and female solidarity and empowerment for girls that teaches them that they can be whatever they want to be and that they should never stop believing in themselves and striving for greatness and go “nope, fuck that, instead of all of that happy fun girl power shit let’s write an edgy grimdark dystopia where being a girl with dreams and a desire to strive for greatness is a bad thing that can only end in suffering and punishment, where the survival of the universe and progress of humanity literally hinges on girls being tortured and killed en masse for wishing for something that would make them happy, where girls are universally portrayed as overemotional and impressionable and susceptible and weak and must slay each other in order to survive because they’ll go berserk and monstrous once their power inevitably gets the better of them, and where the only way to escape this ending is by dying and being erased from existence, because that’s the best girls can hope for, and as the icing on the sour cake, let’s aim it at an adult male audience so that they can watch girls suffer and perish and be psychologically broken for their own entertainment, all because they wanted something for themselves and had the gall and the selfishness to go after it.”

And instead of people seeing it for the sexist torture porn that it is it gets glowing reviews on every platform, people eat this shit up and say that this sleazy adult male-aimed show about barely adolescent girls suffering because they wanted something more for themselves is feminist actually, that actually all of the turmoil that the girls go through is a totally girl power metaphor for how girls suffer at the hands of patriarchy in the real world, and how the torture porn got subverted at the end when really all the end did was show the girls continuing to suffer because of their wishes but hey at least they’ll get the sweet release of death in the end, and how the all-male writing staff definitely meant for this to be the next feminist coming of Jesus despite the fact that they say they weren’t inspired by any Magical Girl works that came before them and were instead inspired by porn games…Madoka is the most progressive and revolutionary anime ever really, even more so than those insightful shows about Magical Girls that are actually aimed at girls and actually feature female empowerment and angst done well and not just for the sole purpose of letting men watch female characters suffer, those other shows are just stupid and shallow and bland and don’t know what they’re talking about, Madoka is where it’s at. Take it from me, a 35-year-old man who has never seen a single Magical Girl anime in my life except for Madoka Magica. If you don’t agree with me or if you dare to critique my soulless male gaze moebait, then you’re obviously just dumb and ignorant and don’t understand the deep philosophical nuances of this shoddy anime, I mean just look at Madoka’s mom! She’s the breadwinner of her family! Sure she’s not important to the plot on a whole and it’s not like Heartcatch Precure has done this character archetype better or anything but she’s proof that the writers are feminist icons who set out to empower women! Now watch as me and the rest of my Madoka-loving friends proceed to bully and harass the shit out of you for not sharing our vapid opinions until you either delete your account, change your tune and say you like Madoka now and were so wrong and stupid before, or stop talking about how much you hate Madoka entirely. And anyway teenage girls really ARE irrational, hysterical, and constantly on their cycles. Of course they’ll get taken advantage of for it! That’s not misogynistic to point out, that’s just the biotruth!

#anti-pmmm #in fact even if you do like madoka but critique it the rabid swarths of its fanbase will still harass you #because madoka is the perfect shining beacon of mahou shoujo anime and anyone coming for it must be burnt at the stake like a witch #(no pun intended)#gosh golly gee aren’t I so glad that my favorite power fantasy genre for girls got ‘saved’ ‘revolutionized’ and ‘deconstructed’(🤮)#by the likes of gen urobutcher #and then people want to say that the grimdark animes that came after madoka ‘missed the point of the original show’ as if madoka didn’t mis #the point of the entire genre first…lol like these shows don’t all have a common denominator for a goddamn reason #ik this post isn’t coherent at all i mean good on you if you understand it but if not idfc #i just hate this anime and need to vent #i wish it would diaf #sexism #misogyny #magical girl #anti-gen urobuchi #vent post #my post

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florilegia-or-what-you-will · 1 year

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Commonplace Songs

So. Here’s the thing. I have a bad habit of skimming, especially when I’m reading rubrics. I don’t notice I’m doing it but it can mean I miss important bits of information, such as the part about your last entry being a 250 word retrospective. Luckily I am aware of this deficiency of mine so I tend to check my rubrics periodically to make sure I haven’t missed anything. So I wrote the post. But. Before I realized there was a set end to the life of this blog I still intended my own form of wrap-up. I decided to make a playlist with at least one song per reading from this class. Even after I knew I just had to write a lil paragraph I couldn’t get the idea out of my head so here is the playlist anyway. [Commonplace Songs] Obviously it would be a bit of a time commitment to listen to the whole thing, so this was mostly just for my own enjoyment, but I had too much fun not to share. Notes for each song under the cut.

Abbess Hild & Caedmon, & Caedmon’s Hymn - Sisters of Mercy - Leonard Cohen

This one was honestly one of the most difficult to figure out. I generally struggled most to find songs for the explicitly religious texts, but I think this one works pretty well if you think of it as being from Caedmon’s perspective.

The Exeter Book Riddles - The Riddle Song - Joan Baez | Scarborough Fair - Simon and Garfunkel

These are cheating a little I know, since they both have very old origins themselves. I did consider including Schubert’s Swansong as a reference to Riddle 7, but I’ve tried to stick with songs that have lyrics.

The Wanderer - Man of Constant Sorrow - Joan Baez

Man of Constant Sorrow is really a modern version of The Wanderer to me. An exile “bound to ramble” away from their loved ones, unable to see them again in this life.

Deor - This Too Shall Pass - Danny Schmidt

This one is obvious from the title, and she makes rings! What more could you ask?

The Wife’s Lament - You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield | One Too Many Mornings - Joan Baez

You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me really captures the tragedy of still being in love with someone who’s abandoned you. I think the desire for physical proximity really works with The Wife’s Lament. One Too Many Mornings works for the feeling of physical, but more importantly, temporal distance. The tortuous, and at the same time mundane passing of time, and the feeling of it being too late.

Wulf and Eadwacer - Farewell Wanderlust - The Amazing Devil

I struggled with this one. Another song considered was Better Man by Pearl Jam but I think Farewell Wanderlust works better even if it's less specific. It's got the anger, frustration, heartbreak, and defeat going for it.

Dream of the Rood - The Becoming - Nine Inch Nails

I decided no church music was allowed which made this one harder. I decided to lean into the slight body horror of the description of the cross shifting between bloodstained and bejewelled. Also: “He’s covered with scabs he’s broken and sore” just like Jesus! Obviously this doesn’t really suit the glorious tone the poem was going for, but I personally found the poem a bit unsettling.

Judith - Glory and Gore - Lorde | The Dismemberment Song - Blue Kid

Glory and Gore definitely fits the tone of the poem best, it's hard to explain why without going line by line, but trust me this one is exceptionally good for Judith. The Dismemberment Song is here even though it's not quite right, because it was suggested to me and it made me laugh. Content warning though, it is very clinically detailed about, you know, dismemberment.

The Battle of Maldon - Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin

This one is pretty obvious right? I came so very close to including Waterloo by ABBA as well, but I do have some restraint.

History of the Kings of Britain - Set Fire to the Rain - Adele | Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Tears for Fears

Set Fire to the Rain is for Igerna. All that love, and vulnerability, and secrets, and distrust. This song is just about Igerna to me now, it's pretty perfect for her. Everybody Wants to Rule the World works really well for Arthurian legend. “Nothing ever lasts forever, everybody wants to rule the world”

The Mabinogi - Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac | She’s Always A Woman - Billy Joel

Rhiannon is ludicrously obvious, I don’t think I need to explain. She’s Always A Woman is also about Rhiannon, specifically how Pwyll defends her and keeps her as his queen even though everyone is against her.

Lanval - Who is She? - I Monster | Come Wander With Me - Jeff Alexander

I feel like a magical woman appearing out of nowhere to be your girlfriend would actually be pretty trippy, hence Who is She? Come Wander With Me is a bit more suitable tonally. Have fun wandering off, never to be seen again, Lanval!

Ancrene Wisse - Agoraphobia - Deerhunter

As you might expect, from a song called Agoraphobia, this works well for anchoresses. The lyrics match the actual daily life of an anchoress surprisingly well.

Middle English Lyrics - Luck Be a Lady - Frank Sinatra

With regard to The Lady Dame Fortune is both frende and foe

Sir Orfeo - Frozen Pines - Lord Huron | Word Spins Madly On - The Weepies

Frozen Pines captures the frozen-in-time-ness and its about seeking a lost loved one in the woods. It's perfect. World Spins Madly On works because time has also very much not frozen, and they are apart from one another, knowing, and at the same time not knowing, where the other is. Honourable mention to Nothing Takes the Place of You by Toussaint McCall, which just wasn’t quite right, but has a maturity the other two lack.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight I - Family Friend - The Vaccines

Poor Gawain is the only responsible adult at court. Jokes aside, this is a really good character song for Gawain.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight II-III - All in Green Went My Love Riding - Joan Baez

I’ve mentioned this one before. It's too perfect not to include.

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight IV - Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons

Another character portrait for my favourite boy Gawain! This also works for him in Morte d’Arthur. He tries so hard, and always comes just a little bit short, and then blames himself mercilessly.

Canterbury Tales – General Prologue - Prologue: Into the Woods - Stephen Sondheim

I’ll be honest, I had no idea what to do for this one, but I committed to a song per reading. It does work well in a way. They are both prologues that introduce a billion archetypal characters at once, tell you what they want, and make fun of the a little. Sondheim could have done a kick-ass musical adaptation of The Canterbury Tales.

Piers Plowman – Prologue - Land of the Believer - The Weather Girls

Club music perilously close to gospel music, I wouldn’t be surprised if this genuinely was about Jesus and religion. I considered skipping Piers Plowman because we didn’t actually go over it in class, but I’m a completionist.

Chaucer – Canterbury Tales – The Miller’s Tale - You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi

Oh Absolon… I considered going with Tainted Love, but I needed a ridiculous song for a ridiculous story.

Chaucer – Canterbury Tales – The Miller’s Tale - Put the Blame on Mame - “Rita Hayeworth” Anita Ellis

On the other hand, Put the Blame on Mame is about a beautiful woman being blamed for disasters both natural and human, but which is supposed to, in my opinion, make you think about how ridiculous it is to actually blame a woman for that kind of thing.

Julian of Norwich – A Revelation of Love - Space Age Love Song - A Flock of Seagulls

I love taking songs that aren’t supposed to be about Jesus and making them about Jesus, and Jesus in the role of alien girlfriend is funny to me. That said, it does work really well for the transcendent vibe of medieval mysticism.

The Book of Margery Kempe - Crazy - Gnarls Barkley | Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode

I found it a bit difficult to take Margery seriously at first, because she is patently a ridiculous person, but is she really crazy just because others think she is? Trying to think of songs for her is actually what made me take more seriously what her life was like. She experienced many dangers and a lot of persecution for living her truth, hence Policy of Truth.

The Book of Margery Kempe - Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands - Joan Baez

A singular, and shockingly untouchable woman.

Second Shepherd’s Play - Mack the Knife - Ella Fitzgerald | Sheep - Pink Floyd

I admit, these are both kind of joke songs, but they do work! Mack because Mac, sheep because sheep.

Second Shepherd’s Play - Under Pressure - Queen and David Bowie

The slightly more serious choice for this play. It matches the complaining of the shepherds at the beginning of the play, and it has references to prayer, and a desire for change that works given it is a nativity play.

Noah’s Flood - Rain on Me - Lady Gaga (feat. Ariana Grande)

Okay, hear me out. I know it's a club song, but it's actually perfect for Noah’s wife. I can’t go line by line, but it expresses disappointment with a relationship, be it with God or Noah, but it also expresses gratitude for being alive, even though they wish they were “dry” , a reference to rain, and alcohol.

The Crucifixion - Blowing’ in the Wind - Joan Baez

This one was really hard without just choosing a song literally about the crucifixion, which would be cheating. Blowing in the Wind is about ignorance and apathy to human suffering, which is also what characterises the Roman soldiers. Also, yes, I will pick the Joan Baez version of every song I can. Thank you for asking.

Mankind - WWJD - The Axis of Awesome | Out of Touch - Hall and Oates

Mankind - Send Them Off! - Bastille

WWJD is another joke song, but you can’t tell me a group of demons in a morality play wouldn’t sing this. Like the demons in the play, it humorously pokes at a question people would really be asking about how they are supposed to ever live up to Jesus. Out of Touch and Send Them Off! are more straightforwardly readable as Mankind singing to/for Mercy.

Morte d’Arthur, book 1 - Tower Song - Martha Wainright | In the Blood (feat. Ashley Barrett) - Darren Korb

Tower Song is my other song for Igerna. It works along the same lines as Ste Fire to the Rain, but it's a little more vicious. I was torn about including In the Blood, even though it works well for Arthur, because of course it does, I transposed one young hero who is the future of his people, onto another. I still think the Arthurian angle changes the way the song reads enough for it to work, though.

Morte d’Arthur, book 8 - Happy Ending - MIKA | Heavy Crown - Trixie Mattel

For Happy Ending, please see my previous post on Lancelot and Guinevere. Heavy Crown is for Arthur, “Winning’s losing with a couple strings [...] Gotta be the last to know”, I think it suits the melancholy of all the lost glory Camelot, and how inevitable the whole thing felt to Arthur the second he was confronted by Agravaine and Mordred about Guinevere and Lancelot

#alas many songs were left on the cutting room floor #this was a good learning experience #a lot of medieval lit isn't super character focused #they tend not to get into anyone's head the way books do in our psychological age #which can leave character feeling pretty flat at first blush #doing this forced me to get into their heads regardless #It made me appreciated their subtle nuances a lot more #I could tag every story poem song and author separately but i won't because can you even imagine #florilegia

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incarnateirony · 7 months

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The fucking.... ugh. I hate that I literally seem to have a beacon going on right now for who I catch and what their primary issues are. I've spent an hour and a half going in the same circle with the same person who thinks their spouse is gonna kill themselves today but won't call anybody themselves even when I find the numbers and social anxiety so here's the emails but she's worried that'll make him angry and round and round and round we go, with me giving her a dozen options to save her boyfriend since I can't make calls without available means for emergency response, and she's literally wasting towards two hours she could miss her chance to save his life by reaching his therapist to be honest about what he pledged to do later, she doesnt know when the appointment is it could be GONE by now but she got stuck on "he said not to say his name" so she's fucking refusing to call the clinic to do a goddamn fucking thing, and I literally can't do it for her, jesus fuck this sounds familiar where have I heard this before LADY, DO SOMETHING. BUT IF YOU'RE GONNA WAIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT WHILE YOU GO BACKWARDS IN CIRCLES, YOU MAY AS WELL LIE DOWN AND DIE. AND IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING, HE'S GONNA DIE.

Fuck. Like obviously I can't say this, but the amount of ways we've both gone over and over and over and over this asking her what other support she needs or what else she thinks we can do for her or if she removes all the other voices around her telling her what to do and even pretends we're just a voice in her head what she thinks is best, and then she fucking says calling is best, but then she won't fucking do it and starts spinning backwards again

FREE ME.

REAL QUOTES WE HAD TO WRITE

"What do you feel is better? Saying his name or not?"

"Let's take away all the other voices of your family and listen to the worry you have right now. Pretend even we are just a voice in your head asking you: What do you feel is best?"

...

why... why did i get two Dango emojis upon leaving.

....for those that don't know it's like Mochi sticks almost, so uh. Ok.

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hydr9 · 2 years

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you guys dont understand how much im begging begging begging. begging on my hands and KNEES for a jyp to debut a genuinely self-produced girl group.

(rant below the readmore)

let me say this clearly from the start: there is nothing wrong with traditional idol groups. there is nothing wrong with being a (k)pop idol that does not write/produce their own music, and there is nothing wrong with having no desire to.

g-idle is right there yes yes of course they are--point is, there is not only them as female artists who have self-made music and performances they want to put into the world via the idol industry. and g-idle is CONSTANTLY being dragged down into hell by cube.

it doesn't need to be jyp, that's barely even my point here. g-idle are full of talented talented women who have achieved amazing success despite everything that coudlve held them back, but god, their biggest enemy is still clearly their company. constant stories of soyeon fighting for the songs and concepts she wants to be released, mild choreographies, generally terrible working conditions that CANNOT be working in their favor as artists/performers/idols.

purple kiss was marketed as that: a self-produced female idol group. but jesus, rbw, where is the self-producing? where are their writing credits on their titles? their own original ideas? and how can an idol group be self-produced if they're stuck to such a cemented concept for each comeback? is that what they want to be releasing? god knows i love purple kiss and i adore their concept, but that's besides the point here. i always check CCL, check their videos, to see their writing and production credits, and they ARE capable of making good music, *obviously* they are! why would they market them as such anyways? please. these girls have so much potential. i'm not even claiming they're being mistreated here, of course not every idol wants to make their own music, that's not what it's always about, but when it comes to marketing a group as such, how can they come in last as writing credits and have their self-written and self-produced songs be constantly nudged into bsides? their original choreographies like my heart skip a beat?

and jyp. oooooh jyp. you make me so mad. in that japanese skz + park jinyoung interview, JYP explained why stray kids formed the way it did, and let me just use exact quotes here (u can watch vid for everything, credit to STRAY K SUBS on yt for trans).

"we felt like the distance between fans and artists was gradually getting closer. so, it's hard to fool fans now. it's because we saw that it'd be hard to put out something that we planned and packaged nicely. [...] then, in order to show their real selves without any adjustments, we had to make a team that's actually tightly knit and like one body. we came to the conclusion that in order to do that, the company can't organize the members. so we ended up trying that kind of method for the first time."

and how come you went and debuted ITZY and NMIXX with absolutely no hint of these beliefs anywhere?

where is this trust for your female idols? where is this belief in authenticity in your female idols? where is this belief that you can't fool fans anymore?

is it somewhere in the self-love pop itzy sings that they have not even written about themselves?

is it somewhere in the colossal failure of "mixx-pop" that you plastered onto a group of young talented girls and risked their entire career on?

what did you not learn from the massive success of stray kids? what makes JYP think that a group of female artists is not capable of the same thing?

i'm sorry if i sound like i'm ever degrading to other girl groups about this, i promise i don't mean to be. but this subtle and extremely pervasive belief that women are not capable of technical proficiency makes my fucking blood boil. women can write their own lyrics. women can produce their own music. women can arrange their own music if they fucking want to. women are capable of understanding a market, having a message they want to spread, and using the idol industry as their medium.

if stray kids can do it, why the fuck can't any female idol group?

where is the huge amount of funding that goes to stray kids for their constant events, activities, concepts, comebacks, performances, and everything else, going for any other self-producing girl group?

im begging this industry to let women have that kind of freedom.

PS: because i know this wont get any notes but im scared of people missing the point: please god know i love stray kids. i love purple kiss. i love g-idle. and though im not a midzy i have MASSIVE respect for ITZY. and i have so much hope for NMIXX and the talent that those girls have--i only hope for jyp to take their heads out of their asses and truly believe in creativity and innovation, something i dont believe they are doing for NMIXX. i am not trying to bring these groups, or any other groups, down in any way.

PPS: if anything i said here is wrong or you have anything to add, pls do, im very open for discussion on this, it is an important topic to me

#stray kids #kpop #jyp #nmixx #purple kiss #(g)i-dle #text #rant #i really hope no one gets mad at me #i dont think anyone will read this anyways #im just mad #btw i know LSF exists #i love yunjin #i have my eye out for that girly #i hope nothing but success for her

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tuliptiger · 2 years

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You know. I watched The Menu because of a review saying how it was a dark comedy and how unaware one of the main characters was of the damage he causes or how hes the butt of the joke. And all of these kind of, IDK after watching it, off interpretations of the characters made me want to write this.

I'm glad I watched it, but I'm glad I watched it sincerely with no judgement ahead of time. It was not a comedy to me but I also don't think I have a strong sense of comedy especially, ESPECIALLY if it's at someones expense, it just isn't funny to me. Even if it's about rich or pretentious people or idk "people who deserve it".

I digress though, I thought it was a well made movie and I enjoyed it. I may watch it again given the chance, I might even seek it out a second time. I felt for a lot of the characters though, my heart hurt for most if not all of them.

They were people, rich people and people I'd like to see not have the power or resources they have, but they felt sincerely themselves. Everyone in that movie was a victim of the society they live in and also a product of it. Crushed dreams, disenchantment, a devaluing of experiences and life, getting too wrapped up in something you love or or a yearning for something you love so much but can't participate in yourself. It didn't feel like there was a villain it felt like everyone was a victim.

And Jesus I'm not saying people did no wrong in the movie either. Hurt people sometimes hurt other people in retaliation even if it isn't the right target or right outlet. And I empathize and or sympathize with that, they still "shouldn't have did what they did", what they all or mostly all did was wrong or bad or yadda yadda. The fucked up stuff was obviously bad and I don't want to double down on it, I feel its pretty self explanatory.

But idk idk it felt like a valid or in the VERY least true or heartfelt critic of current society. Or maybe even better, an absolute wale. A howl about the hurts and wrongs of the world we're in right now from multiple perspectives. It's up there with but under midsommer for me for completely different reasons but similar vibes, not similar messages. Very different messages.

#the menu #words #review #sort of

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the-scrappy-stinger · 11 months

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OH SHIT, RIGHT, KitKat Jesus! Let's see how he's doing.

It starts with a job application call-back. Write-back. This guy's going to cook at the Goryokaku-Tei, THE Goryokaku-Tei, and we... don't really know who he is other than his curry restaurant isn't doing great.

But he does give us a flashback to when he went to Goryokaku-Tei as a little kid... and hated it, because he was like 10 and he wanted his goddamn chicken nuggies. And guess who's there causing a scene?

He looks like a thick-eyebrow'd Apollo Justice.

Well, this dude's about to be disappointed.

So, following a wave of dissatisfied applicants, the guy makes a big batch of grandma's curry and presents it to the head chef of the non-Japanese cooking branch.

So he doesn't pass, obviously. So he leaves to go throw himself off a bridge until he catches the smell of curry on the wind coming from a local food truck. He has a bowl and enjoys the hell out of it, and then as he's settin' up to jump again...

I'm not doing fewer isolated panels on purpose! This volume is a LOT of padding, so the pages where something happens just tend to isolate themselves. Kitakata talks for a while about how they did market research to find that people mostly just want to eat the curry they ate in school when they were kids. While Kitakata and the guy talk a while, we learn that Big Chef Bad Boss is one of those chefs that changes the recipe depending on who's eating, giving his richer customers better food. Kitakata... doesn't hear this part, but he seems to know it's happening anyway because apparently it happens to him a lot. He rolls out with... guy. I am almost certain we do NOT know this guy's name unless it's written in Japanese in the panels somewhere. Either way, they roll out for revenge on the motorcyle.

After pulling "We don't need no stinking badges" on the sous chef, KitKat is given the test. The chef sabotages him by giving him a single hour to cook instead of two, so KitKat manages by giving the curry meat a dry rub and microwaving the vegetables to soften them. It's delicious and he passes. While he (and the nameless dude for some reason) get hired, Big Bad Evil Boss Guy plans to give them grunt work, underpay them, and force them to quit while he makes nice with the rich customers.

First task: PEEL MANY POTATOES. IN ONE HOUR.

You know I read a fairy tail like this once...

SO KitKat is so badass at cooking that he works there for a MONTH, and the Big Evil Bad Boss Guy decides to make him the new sous chef. If he can pull off the menu, evil shitty sous chef is fired. Nameless curry guy is... around. Somewhere.

So the evil sous chef bribes nameless curry guy into sabotaging the food. But KitKat finds out, because of course he does.

So sous chef, whose name is Nimi by the way, and KitKat yell at each other for a few minutes until they decide to settle this the only way they know how.

Nameless curry guy also apologizes and KitKat is mad, but not mad enough to focus on it. It's time for the DEEP FRIED BURGER BATTLE!

Nimi uses all the best ingredients and makes high-class cuisine fried meat. KitKat makes a meat-and-potato croquette. KitKat wins because he used kitchen leftovers and made very plain filling food, whereas Nimi's was so delicious nobody could finish it.

I'm not making that up.

And THIS is why he's KitKat Jesus.

So Nimi decides to quit, but as he's moving out...

He spots conspiracy! The chefs want KitKat Jesus to lead their crusade against the corrupt and capitalist Big Head Bad Chef Dude Guy. KitKat's like "Why are you telling me that?!" and the chefs are like "but he's meeaan!"

Yeah me too, buddy.

Basically KitKat makes them swear loyalty to his cause and they plot how they're gonna fuck over Bad Chef Bad Dude Guy Bad. Meanwhile Nimi tattles. Mea-

... meanwhile.

... I'm gonna RUN OUT OF PICTURES- okay so to sum up fast. Bad Bag Big Bad Boss Guy invites over a bunch of rich dudes and the menu is fancy shit.

And instead, KitKat and the Oath of the Knife staff serve them the plain menu with the boring and less-good stuff normal customers eat. Then Nimi comes in with his own menu like "Behold, I have made the proper menu" but he made it all different and low-fat because all of the rich bigwigs are old and get indigestion.

MAN he's getting a lot of Jesus light this arc.

Big Big Bad Bad Boss Boss is not fired, and KitKat hangs around to check on the newest developments...

And curry guy just kind of melts into the background, I guess.

Arc length: kind of 10 chapters, because it's continuing into the next one. But this one says End, so we'll put a pin in it for now.

#KitKat Jesus Retrospective #Food Manga Hyperfixation Binge

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