#🦋 read it and weep

[yrrebulb]

three bloody holidays — talks and noodles

“Order up!” The chefs yelled from behind the counter. The traditional style ramen shop was dimly lit and filled to the roof with mouth watering aromas. The sizzling of pork harmonized with the slurping of happy patrons. The clashing of pots and pans created a homey baseline to the jazz of shared cuisine. Sitting in the back corner, Blu waited at a table alone. Sunglasses looped into her hair, she etched quickly into a notebook while scrolling her phone. just as she flipped over her notebook, a warm bowl entered her view. Lightly colored broth with red chili oil floating amongst veggies and seafood, her favorite.

Looking up, her fist met Hoya’s with a joyous smile. He sat across from her, his messy peach mane pushed back under a zigzag headband. He always looked happiest in his element, surrounded by good food and good company. “What’s shakin, B?” He asked leaning into the table. Taking a small bowl from the end of the table, he spoon some of the broth into the smaller bowl before lifting noodles to his face. “I need your help figuring something out,” Blu sighed. Doing just as he did, they split the bowl of ramen. “Kei problems?” He questioned. Not meeting her eyes, the two could easily feel the uneasiness they both held. Hoya and Blu have been thick as thieves since the whole parts stealing incident. Even Souya, the trio have been unmatched in overflowing love for each other.

Anyone who met them could tell that they are true ride or dies. “Yea. Obvious, isn’t it?” Blu groaned, letting out a deep breathe. Pulling her sunglasses over her eyes, she slouched back into her chair. “Let’s make it fair and you help me with my girl problems,” he offered. Holding her hand out, he met it with a solid slap.

“Souya says I should tell him about what happened,” Blu informed.

“You should. He has a right to know why the girl sleeping and cooking in his house refuses to talk herself and goes ghost randomly,” he said between slurps.

“First off, fuck you. Second, way to call the kettle black, Mr. I’ll never love again”. Hoya’s expression dropped at her words. His eyes telling her just how petty that was.

“Look I know I should tell him but I don’t want him to look at me different. No one wants a car jacking, bike stealing, therapy mandated —“ she trailed off.

“Clearly, he does,” Hoya shrugged. “You’ve never hid your temper and he’s not appalled by your fighting habit”.

“Yea, but assault with a deadly weapon is different”.

“It was self defense and it’s not like he hasn’t seen worse. Your ex deserved it”.

“Even so, fighting and stabbing are different. I can’t even face him when he’s mad. If I black out and hurt him because of that bitch, I’m never gonna forgive myself,” Blu’s voice trembled as she thought about it. As she remembered the blow for blow fist fight that changed her life. The smell of blood and how mixed so well with the taste of sweat. The room around them roared as her sense dulled to the memories.

Putting his hand on hers, Hoya frowned. “Even more reason to tell him. He’ll understand. You want to trust him and all you can do is try,” the emotionally constipated chef did his best to settle her nerves. Pulling the bowl close to her, she eat in silence. “Nori wants me to ask her out,” Hoya speaks up. “I thought it was enough, my actions,” he revealed.

“Yea but you’re also the same person to flirt with women and tell her she’s free game when you see her do that same,” Blu stated.

“I know. I just. B”.

“I get it,” Blu sighed. “You’re scared of it happening again, of her suddenly not being okay with your reckless nature”.

“Shit changes when you add that title. She’s my girl, and I don’t want to lose her cause I can’t trust that she won’t won’t change”. The broad chested tattoo canvas slumped onto the table. Parting his head, Blu sympathized with his struggle. This fear that the people they want to be with will someday change for the worse. Turn into people they won’t be able to recognize.

“Take it from me, she’s not like her. She’s not gonna expect you to be anyone but yourself”.

“What if she does? What if she hopes that I’ll somehow become someone serious who doesn’t do stupid bike tricks on the highway or who doesn’t have a stupid story for every tattoo,” his voice growled as he thought about the things people have said to him. For him to grow up. To take life seriously. To put someone other than himself first. Hoya never meant to do anything that got anyone hurt. He just lived to have fun and enjoy his short existence.

“Then your answer is just as easy as mine. Tell her. You get jealous when she talks to and about other dudes. You guys look at each other like no one else is in the room. She’s kill you before cheating on you. You’ve got nothing to fear but yourself”.

“That’s a lot coming from you. You make triple what most of us do, and you’re afraid he’s gonna be turned away cause you bout your shit”. The pair laughed at each other. Lifting her sunglasses up, she couldn’t help the nostalgia that enveloped them.

“How about we bring them to the grind track and show them how we hang. Get them in our element, then talk it out. Plus, I think Souya needs to blow some steam,” Hoya held his hand out to make the deal.

“You’re on. If he gets mad at me riding again, I’m running you over with the trailer”.

[ 3B — Nahoya, Souya, Bleaulynn ]

[morelikeravenbore]

How did Auralie get her scars?

🦋✨ Hello there li'l anon friend! Thank you sooo much for sending in this question and for taking an interest in my bebe!

Not gonna lie, I went full blown too-much for this one and ended up writing a ~1.3k word fluffy drabble instead, lolol. But if you'd like a tldr, Aura got her scars after obtaining a scratch from a Venomous Tentacular seedling in her father's greenhouse. Since the wounds were magical in nature, the scars weren't able to be erased, but thanks to the wise words of her plant-loving (slightly eccentric) Hufflepuff Papa, she learned to see the beauty in them.

Anyways, this little oneshot is based after events in How to Make a Villain that haven't been published yet. For anyone reading along, there aren't any hard spoilers, but there are hints that they've been through some ✨stuff.✨

🦋 TW: none! Mostly fluffy with a little bit of angst and a general air of trauma. Photo of Aura's scars by me, Sebebe's scars by @lorriiraine

Preview: Much to the chagrin of his peers, excelling in his studies was, to put it mildly, downright bloody easy, and though his natural proclivity towards excellence often put him on the receiving end of bitter remarks and jealous taunts, Sebastian took pride in the fact that despite everything that had been taken from him, his intelligence remained unfaltering.

That is, until he fell in love.

Sebastian Sallow was no idiot, by any means. Having been raised by two fiercely academic professors, he'd spent much of his childhood with his nose buried in a book, studying magical theory and practicing wandless magic well before he'd taken his epochal trip to Ollivander's. Needless to say, by the time he arrived at Hogwarts — armed with a dragon heartstring wand and an itching desire to point it at everything — his intelligence was rivalled only by that of his sisters: the Sallow twins, though grieving the tragic death of their parents, were the brightest pair of students the school had seen in recent memory, an unstoppable force of Slytherin brains, resourcefulness, and ambition who were destined for greatness despite their unfortunate beginnings.

In fact, so brilliant was Sebastian's studious mind that when those unfortunate beginnings turned into unfortunate endings — starting with his sister's curse and ending with his uncle's death — his grades remained so impeccably high that even the strictest professors were loathe to punish him too severely when he repeatedly broke curfew to steal books.

Much to the chagrin of his peers, excelling in his studies was, to put it mildly, downright bloody easy, and though his natural proclivity towards excellence often put him on the receiving end of bitter remarks and jealous taunts, Sebastian took pride in the fact that despite everything that had been taken from him, his intelligence remained unfaltering.

That is, until he fell in love.

Little did he know that the thing that would ultimately turn his brain from highly efficient machine into flobberworm mush would come not in the form of N.E.W.T studies or brutal exam revisions, but from a girl who was so beautiful she rendered him incapable of coherent speech, rational thought and, perhaps most difficult of all, an inability to restrain himself from pulling her onto his lap and staring at her all gooey-eyed like he was now, their faces so close he could count every sun-kissed freckle across her nose.

To think he'd once thought himself too smart to ever fall in love.

What an idiot.

'You have a scar.' Aurelie was the first to break the silence they'd been enjoying for the better part of the afternoon, tilting her head to inspect the two faint scars that adorned his bottom lip. 'What happened?'

Sebastian had to hold his breath as her fingers ghosted the corner of his mouth; though the great weeping willow they'd settled under for the day offered some privacy from the shrewd eyes and wagging tongues of their fellow Feldcroft residents, it wasn't quite an appropriate place to enact all the romantic fantasies he imagined whenever she was perched in his lap like this.

'Flying —' He cleared his throat. 'Flying accident.'

'Quidditch?'

'No, uh —' Me crash broom. Biiiig idiot. 'I borrowed my father's broomstick when I was seven. Crashed into the side of the house.'

'Silly,' she murmured, giggling so close to his mouth that he inhaled it.

Sebastian nodded: the only response he could reasonably manage as her breath fanned pleasantly across his face, as warm and sweet as the summer air in his lungs.

Yes. Me stupid. Give smooch.

'You have scars, too,' he observed, his feather-light touch mirroring hers as he traced the delicate scars along her jawbone.

Though they did little to mar her beauty, the three long scratches seemed somehow too violent for features so fine, like cracks in an ornately gilded mirror, or chips in an otherwise pristine marble slab. He'd often wondered how she'd gotten them, but the mere thought of her suffering any sort of pain was so intolerable that he'd never found the courage to ask.

Seeming to sense the disquieted tone of his thoughts, Aurélie caught his fingers and pressed them to her cheek, effectively short-circuiting his brain again.

Me like touch face.

'Oh, those,' she said mildly, leaning into his touch. 'Gardening mishap.'

Sebastian could only grunt questioningly in reply, struck dumb again by the warmth of her skin and how softly it yielded beneath his calloused palm. It wasn't often she let him touch her so willingly; after all, there were scars that ran deeper than her marked skin, barely healed wounds that were so fresh and tender that she flinched away if he wasn't careful enough, slow enough. Part of loving this tentative girl was learning to control the moments his brain flipped off and his rambunctious heart took over, when his once infallible logic and reason were trumped by his big, dumb heart.

Theirs was a love that had exploded into existence at the start of their seventh year only to smoulder away inexorably for the rest of it until the flames inevitably reared up to engulf them. Now, a month after graduation, both a little scorched around the edges, neither of them were quite used to being together together, still reeling from the events that had nearly torn them apart while trying to navigate a future they'd never seen coming.

Of course, Sebastian had known from the beginning that his future was bound to hers — but never like this.

'Papa raised Venomous Tentacular when we lived in France,' Aurélie explained, closing her eyes as he stroked his thumb across her cheek. 'Maman was not happy about it. She argued that it was too dangerous to keep such aggressive plants in his greenhouses, especially with a curious daughter in tow.' She cracked open an eye to peek at him, a little wry grin teasing the corner of her lips. 'She didn't approve of my enthusiasm for gardening. Apparently, "it's not becoming of a lady to have dirt caked under her nails all the time." But Papa insisted.'

'Hufflepuff's and their plants,' Sebastian murmured, surprised he was able to string together four words that actually made sense.

'Yes,' she said, glancing up through her lashes with a smile tinged with pain. Sebastian returned it in kind, his own smile heavy with the burdens he shouldered. He knew how it felt to have the warmth of every happy memory tempered by the cold indifference of loss, every fond recollection skewed by sorrow. Like a favourite landscape seen through a rain-lashed window, familiar yet distorted, so too were his own memories of his past, of Anne and his parents, his childhood.

With a patience that was new to him, Sebastian waited in quiet observance while Aurélie disappeared across that great chasm of death to visit a happier time, letting her own tainted memories sweep her away until the rustling of summer wind through willow branches brought her back to him.

'Well,' she said, shifting her faraway gaze to meet his, 'you can imagine her horror when a Tentacular seedling reared up unexpectedly and scratched me.' She gestured at her face, tilting her chin back to show him the full extent of the damage her gardening mishap had left behind. Sebastian instinctively leaned forward, wanting so badly to kiss, to soothe, to mend, but mindful, as always, of taking his time.

Pretty.

'It was the worst fight my parents ever had,' she sighed. 'Maman was distraught, said that I'd ruined my face and that Papa had been irresponsible to let me near them. She tried every remedy under the sun to erase the scars — magical and mundane, Healers and Herbologists... even a Curse Breaker when she got really desperate. But magical wounds leave scars, so...'

She trailed off with a shrug, and Sebastian thought that if he didn't kiss away the lingering sadness from her face right then and there, he might actually explode.

'And what did your Papa think?' he asked, his voice a reverent whisper as the tip of his nose brushed hers.

'He used to say that my scars were simply "physical evidence of my curious nature and adventurous spirit",' she whispered back, repeating her father's words with perfect recollection. 'And that they only made me more beautiful.'

'Wise man, that Papa of yours.'

No more sad. Me smooch now.

When he leaned in again, dipping his head to brush his nose along her jawline, she didn't move away.

[separocean-anxiety]

[start image description: The illustrated cover of "On Anemone Lane," featuring human Dory, Nemo, and Marlin as the titular neighborhood stretches on behind them. Dory and Marlin stand on either side of Nemo, eyeing each other adoringly as Nemo looks on ahead, clasping his hands together with delight. Dory’s corner is adorned with blue forget-me-nots, while Marlin’s is with orange anemone flowers; Dory’s blue house sits on the left side of the street, while a massive pink weeping-willow-like tree stands on the right side, presumably cloaking Marlin and Nemo’s home with its blossoming branches. Above the family is the story's title, whose letters house a butterfly and firefly respectively. At the very top of the image is the tagline: Everyone finds a way home. /end image description]

The cover for my human au fic!! The prologue has finally been released, and I couldn’t be more proud of this story and my favorite found family 🧡💙🧡

Below, you can find a link to where you can read On Anemone Lane. I’d love to hear what you think! These three are so fun to write, and the adventure’s only just begun!!!

Overlooking a sleepy beach town is the quiet and not-so-crowded Anemone Lane, home to Marlin and his young son Nemo, and their neighbor Dory across the street. Although they live in separate houses, they are one family at heart, and after two ocean-crossing adventures, the trio can't wait to settle back into blissful routine, closer together than ever before (as close as they can be, that is). One street is such a trivial divide, but the distance is telling when Marlin and Nemo's own house sits beneath the aptly named Anemotree, whose cascading blossomed branches bear the soft and deadly anemone blooms, to which only the father-son pair is immune. Long ago, Marlin planted a tree that would protect his family from towering alien Divers and mutated fish. He has since braved all of this and more; ensuring their safety time and again; reckoning, once and for all, with the ocean outside. To this day, the Anemotree stands on Anemone Lane… between Marlin and the rest of the family he found.

https://www.wattpad.com/1374722846-🦋-on-anemone-lane-proem-aloha-ocean

[belovedgamers]

asks for you on your birthday! any combination of [ 🍄, ❄️, 🦋, 🪲] :D?

Hiii I answered this and it didn't save and I was devastatedddd and needed time to recover lmao. Anyway, take two :D

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

While running her experiments, Lizzie definitely forgot an appointment or two with Joel, but it all evens out because sometimes he forgets about the day it is because of his sculpting or building or--

This continues to today. There are things they definitely hold very dear and try to schedule around, but most of the time if Lizzie is like "we booked an ocean tour around evening and it's FULL of rich people sorry", Joel's reply is something like "ooooh, more time to work out the floor's tiling". They lead very chaotic and busy lives <3

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I really want to read a fic exploring what Mythland's citizens were going through during the corruption arc, and how many likely left their homes behind. Could be a single family or even just a person, or many, really. I'd be especially interested in seeing these runaways flee to the Cod Empire (Mythland is vast, for some Helianthia would be too far, and Pearl has her own relationship with the demon that may not be super comforting to run towards). How do you choose to run to your enemy? Why should they take you? Where do you go? Is there already an established Mythic diaspora there? There probably should be! And how do these cultures connect or clash? What prejudices do they all have to unlearn?

As to for who'd write it, peradi or prolix, who each wrote one of my favorite Star Wars fics (have you heard and things we know by heart, both about storm troopers rebelling). Neither of them writes for mcyt though, which means I'll have to roll up my sleeves and figure out some more geography. Heh.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I had a completely different thing here, but it got sent into the aether, so a new topic it is.

A while ago I saw a post with someone very disappointed/frustrated with George R. R. Martin's response to "what's the solar system that causes superseasons?" The response was "it's magic". The poster said you need to have an idea of why your planet works the way it works in mechanical terms, not something that handwaves and dismisses it.

I've been thinking about that lately, with Empires. Do I agree with the poster? I'm not sure. This isn't a defense of Martin, I dislike the guy, but I do think if you're reading a fantasy series with prophecies and dragons and curses and sorcerers... you do have to, at some point, accept "it's magic" for an answer?

The way I see it in Empires, where there are dragons and prophecies and curses and wizards, monsters and gods and immortals, I think of magic as a force that affects the environment, sometimes in unquantifiable ways. If you're one of the people who loves playing around with the idea presented in the end poem that the universe loves you, and I am, then that's another alive force to consider. I would even say that relying on magic is useful when translating game mechanics into a world, and then you can figure out who has access to what kind of magic or how these spell castings differ.

But maybe I am alone in this? I don't know. I'm a "politics, language, textiles and food" kinda guy. If I'm asked to figure out a solar system or complex biological underground networks, I will start weeping.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

This will only make sense to you, or I hope it does. 53 words! Look at me go.

Umbra’s hands were warm. The memory is a punishment, these days. She used to reach out to him, his rough cheek held by her rougher palm, and smile. No, not smile, relax. She didn’t smile much, towards the end. A lot of details have faded, but not that one. He remembers that one.

It's no longer my birthday! Writer's truth or dare!

[dayonnight]

HI YES I'M THE ANON WHO ASKED ABOUT ARMIN TYBUR AND NOW I AM THINKING THOUGHTSSSS AND HAVE QUESTIONSSS

Do you think Armin had a nice reunion with his extended family or a sour one (before he got the Warhammer, I mean)? I'd like to imagine Mum Tybur(Armin's Mom) came from a rare sector of the Tyburs that is very much against the war and would try to protect Armin from having to take the Warhammer before ultimately failing and still supporting him however they can anyway. Lol imagine him learning about the different parts of himself that he got from the Tyburs but had written off as "oddities" in the walls(ex. his love of reading, his love of the ocean, his intelligence) and bonding with a cousin or something he never knew he had. Or they’re all horrible people and he decides to run for the hills lol. Ugh I just want him to find people who love him in a place where everyone around him wants to use him but aot is determined to make me weep😭😭

ALSO now that Armin is running around with the Warhammer, how would Erwin react to everything? Do you have any head canons on how he would be in this hypothetical s4??

I'm sorry ik that's a lot so feel free to ignore!! You have made my mind rot in all the best ways with this au😭/pos

-🦋

I WILL NOT IGNORE THIS I LOVE YOU 🥺

Armin and his Tybur Family

When Armin first meets the Tybur i think he might be scared and a little excited, he thought that he lost all of his family and now he knows he didn't, but of course, not everything is perfect.

I feel like most members would be a little passive aggressive to him as his mom pretty much run away from her destiny, comments about how similar he is to her (Besides his eyes) and how they expect him to be better than "her" are common.

(In fact, he is considered better since he "never runs away")

I do think that the family meeting will be sour, but as you say, him discovering that the oddities he had were common by his Tybur family side makes him feel a little of comfort. And it would be nice that he gets a cousin to bond with, after all, he will have a rough time and deserves a nice time.

The main reason why William also looked out for him or his mom, is also because he wants to make things right, and he is sure war is soon so they need to actually train a Warhammer titan/holder to fight back.

So is not like Armin is too welcome in the family as much as just a pawn to use, and he kinda gets it, they are petty that his mom escaped.

"The sins of the mother, must be payed by the son"

Erwin's destiny

Without Armin, Jean and other's needed to make way more than in canon, more active leadership and planning i mean.

Eren is really filled with rage this time, and just like his last fight with Annie (He let himself go wild to a point were he lost control) he defeated Reiner easily and was capable of holding Berthold back better.

And also, if Reiner and Berthold left early along Annie to take Armin to Marley. Then, Ymir ks there too.

She might fight only because Historia asked her to do it, and that helped as she was able to climb the Colossal fast enough to take Berthold (The heat doesn't affect titans as much as a human)

So, the choice was easy and Erwin got the Colossal Titan.

And with Erwin alive, he gets to make his dream come true and discovers that, in fact, there are humans outside the walls, humans that might be enemies or allies.

This messes up with Eren, because he is sure that Armin is alive, but not in the world they wanted to see (An empty world filled with nature wonders).

The 4th Season

I'm not gonna lie, i am still working on what would happen in the hypothetical 4th season.

• For once, i already said that i am sure Eren will still be with the survey corps. Zeke tries to contact him, but either he ignores him (Angry against him as now that Erwin has Berthold memories they know Armin was captured thanks to Zeke) or he tries to earn his trust to know about Armin.

I am not completely sure if Erwin will reveal the part of Armin being the Warhammer, because it would mean that Eren and Mikasa will push harder to rescue him and that the higher ups will want him because he is a new weapon to Paradis.

• Reiner is doing better, he grieved Berthold a lot, but Annie is still there so he isn't completely lost.

Annie, however, feels extremely guilty about Armin, having time with her father made her realize how much she wants to escape from fighting and the wars, and she took everything from Armin, just how she felt when she had to go to Paradis.

• Sasha will live. This might sound weird but i just kept thinking about this, and yes, she will live, just as Armin gets to their airship, Connie, Jean and Sasha will leave their place to go to see him, which means Gabi will not be able to kill her when she climbs.

Sasha living will mean that Gabi's arc will need to change. She will no longer have to see how others suffer because of killing (Kaya, Sasha's family, Niccolo, none of them will grieve because of her), but she will see how Marley hurts them so much.

At first i imagine that, while she still wants to kill Eren, she is more focused on Armin as he is "A dirty traitor who turned on his country and family for demons". No one knew Armin was from Paradis, and suddey learning how they took him from his home and transformed him into a weapon might be a crash of reality.

And Falco is there too, love the boy he might not change much to be honest, but he did bonded more with Armin back in Marley (Both are nerds who enjoy reading, with a hot headed friend/crush, even if Falco still doesn't get who Eren is, he bonds with Armin and understands him)

• What about the Rumbling? To be honest, i am not sure.

I can see Eren wanting to use it against Marley (He HATES Marley, they hurt Armin, they took him away, and crushed their dreams), but once Armin is back, i am not sure what will happen with Eren.

Without the Warhammer, there's also problems with his plan of the Rumbling.

And there still needs to be a plan to destroy the curse of the Titans, but i still need to think on it, sorry :(

[newhope8]

Hello everyone. 🥰💕 I hope this finds you doing well. 🦋🙏🏻

I was recently inspired by @its-hannjisung’s New Years Eve 2024 post to tell my journey into the land of K-pop thus far. (Incidentally, do you write K-pop with or without a hyphen? I personally alternate between with & without, lol. 😄🙌🏻) I happily re-blogged her original post (my only item on my page thus far); it’s the one with the animated gif photo of Jisungie waving happily at the camera - & he’s got a light pink-colored scarf draped loosely around his neck. Perfect choice for a photo banner, btw. ☺️ I love it so much. 💗

Briefly about myself … I am Jordan2delta, 33 years old, born a female 🚺, identifying with she/her/hers, M/F with relationships irl (tho Minsung has a soft spot in my heart for some reason). 💃🏻👩🏻🙋🏼‍♀️ You can call me Jordan for short; not my real name irl, yet it’s one I like to use on social media. I just like the sound of it. 🙂

A year & ½ ago is when K-pop first found me … mid-June, beginning of July 2022 to be precise. I should say a year & ¾ ago now, lol … since it is now 2024. Where does time go?

💕💜Read More💕💜

The first group I found was Stray Kids & it was with one music video of theirs in particular that I felt a new spark of hope flicker alive in my heart. (The MV was God’s Menu.) I was randomly scrolling around on YouTube late one night, watching another channel and trying to get my brain to go into numb survival mode in order to cope.

A few months prior, my parents and I relocated from our hometown to a different city in another state due to my dad’s work changing (he is the primary income provider/ “breadwinner” for our family at present). I had a full-time job of my own, with a good salary and excellent company benefits … yet sadly, I did not earn enough to stay behind on my own so I had to move with my folks. I was heartbroken, for I had lost my friends/ co-workers, my source of income (some of the best I’ve ever earned), & the remaining ½ a semblance of a normal life. Natural joy started to flicker and stutter out in the deepest part of myself and some days, I felt so desolate that it was as if my heart was being squeezed internally by an invisible, evil hand … and the liquid weeping from my soul was a thick, black & foul-smelling poison - grief. No one in my family nor other loved ones had passed away, yet I think you can see where I’m coming from. I recall going to bed one night in our new apartment in this new city and feeling my chest being tight … yet it wasn’t actual chest pains. It was hopelessness at our current family situation (which is still continuing to this day). 💔

So, it’s the middle of June 2022 & I’m watching a few videos on a channel I’d recently found. That channel was called Jin & Hattie. Go check them out, btw. They’re adorable. He’s Korean 🇰🇷 she’s British 🇬🇧. They’re also recently married (sometime in 2022 or early 2023, I don’t recall which). No, not the Jin from BTS, haha. 🤪😄💜 I glanced at the sidebar of video recommendations and my eyes strayed to one of SKZ’ videos that randomly appeared there. I may have even clicked on Maniac first, I don’t remember. The point is, God’s Menu caught my eye. I was captivated by the sound and beat of Changbin’s opening rapid-fire rap lines. The next thing that caused my heart to wake up was Felix’s deep baritone, of course. Everyone (& I mean anyone who’s even remotely heard of Stray Kids) knows what part of the MV I am talking about. Does Michelin 5 star ring any bells? 😏🔥 I don’t know what came after God’s Menu to be honest with you & the rest as they say “is history”. I recall reaching for my phone, which was resting on my bedside table next to my bed. I tapped into Apple Music as fast as I could and IMMEDIATELY began building a Kpop playlist. As I bunny-hopped from song to song of theirs, I would add it to my music playlist. Before the night was over, I’m fairly certain I had 20+ songs on that list. And oh, what a glorious list it is. (Flash-forward ⏭️ to the present day {January 2024, as I’m drafting this post in a Google Doc on my tablet} & there are now 141 songs on this playlist, totaling one minute shy under 8 hours … 7 hrs & 59 minutes, according to Apple Music, haha. The last 30-odd songs or so are ones I’ve heard on TikTok on various fan-made edits, so those naturally {to me…} MUST go at the bottom of my main Kpop list. Does that make sense?)

Here’s a brief look at my playlist (& yes, this is what the Apple Music playlist interface can look like). Obviously, this isn’t all of it … just a mere sample. ⬇️ (I need to update this photo of Jisungie as my playlist thumbnail. He’s my ult chief bias OF ALL TIME, btw. Any recommendations for a good photo of Quokka I could use? 🥰🐿️) Yes, I am a proud multistan. 🙌🏻 My irl name I have blurred out with purple-pink. ⬇️ In case you’re curious, yes … you can add whatever photo you want as your playlist’s thumbnail & create a custom catchphrase, just below the Play & Shuffle options. ☺️

After I gave new life to this list of joy ⬆️🇰🇷, I was again randomly scrolling around on social media one day. This next step in my journey was on Facebook, a platform I’ve been on for the past 13 years. I’d clicked around and began “follow/ liking👍🏻” any Stray Kids-themed page I could find, both official & unofficial accounts. A post caught my eye & I stopped long enough to read it. It was talking about how the members enjoyed communicating with STAY on the bubble 🫧 app, both reading messages of support and sending out notes of their own. I remember thinking, what in the world is BUBBLE, so I went over to the App Store and downloaded it to my phone. 2 seconds later, I had an account created and soon discovered the public chat room feature. (This has been discontinued for some time now, unfortunately, due to harassment & bullying allegations between toxic fans and non-toxic individuals.) Had I not randomly [again with RANDOM, I know, haha…] got on bubble when I did and entered the first chat room, I would not have begun my online friendship journey with several different Stays.

I remember feeling a sense of connection to 3 people in particular at first, among the many I was talking with at the time on 🫧. One was a school girl, in her early teens; another was a young single mother in her early 20s; the third person was another young lady in her late teens, about to graduate from high school. The school girl was from the United States. The single mom was from a country in South America; (I am not going to say which country she lives in, to protect her privacy). The late teen was from a European country. It was not long before my new friends and I moved our conversations over to other social media platforms, where we could talk more easily. The girl, single mom and I began talking on WhatsApp. The late teen & I began chatting via private messaging on Instagram. It was only several weeks after the “conversation migration” between me and these people took place that JYP disabled the public chat room feature entirely. I distinctly recall saying to the school-girl friend that I’m glad I found the app when I did; otherwise, I would not have “met” them at all, nor had the blessing of their friendship in my life.

It was when I began texting back & forth with the single mom ⬆️ that I was first introduced to the lovely world of fan fiction (“fanfic” for short). She was writing a multi-chapter story that she was releasing to her Wattpad account, a few chapters at a time. Her native language was not English, so every 2-3 weeks or so, she would text me and the school girl 2 chapters to read and get feedback on, in English using Google Translate. (Single Mom did speak some English, to clarify.) Yes, her fanfic was Stray Kids-themed and it was beautiful. 🥰 I would read her chapter installments and write back what I thought was happening in each one; in essence I was loosely paraphrasing, NOT NOT plagiarizing her work, I hasten to add. ☝🏻 She was thrilled at these summaries, as I came to call them. She told me many times in our conversations that it was a joy to read her own story from another’s point of view. I assured her I was not re-writing or copying her ideas, merely paraphrasing and putting into English grammar/ punctuation what she’d already written … i.e. using her original “manuscripts” as a guide. This went on for the rest of 2022 & part-way into 2023. The school girl would text back when she could, having begun her freshman year of high school (or secondary school if you live OCONUS {outside the continental United States}/ means overseas).

The Late Teen was close to finishing her high school years, not beginning them. My interactions with her lasted only a few more months. I remember she was saving up for a new laptop computer & did indeed buy one. I know this because she proudly sent me photos of her new computer. 📸💻 I began interacting with her only several weeks before School Girl & Single Mom. It was around the time of the Maxident comeback (October 2022) that my conversations with Late Teen began to slowly trickle to a stop. This was a natural progression, neither of us ended communication, it just simply stopped on its own. And that’s the way life is - some people are in your life for only a short time & then they go away for whatever reason. I wished her well in one of my last messages to her & haven’t had contact with her since. We’re still “friends” on Instagram, but we do not talk anymore. And I am ok with that. 🙂 I hope she’s doing well and has enjoyed all the comeback albums since then.

My conversations with School Girl and Single Mom lasted longer than that & were frequent in nature. I still have individual chats with each of these young ladies on WhatsApp, plus the group chat I created on there between the 3 of us 🍜🍜🍜… yet it has been 3-4 months at least, if not longer, since I’ve had more than a few words in reply from either of them. That is totally ok with me too: the girl is now in her second ½ of 10th grade in high school & the single mom’s young toddler has begun a Kindergarten daycare class. I will always be there for them, any time, should they still wish to communicate with me.

As you may have noticed, there is a definite theme of randomness to all of my Kpop experiences thus far. This continues, as you will see. 😄

My next “online Kpop friend” I recall making on a Stray Kids STAY fandom chat room on the Discord app. And again, if it wasn’t for some more random scrolling around on Facebook & commenting on 1 post, the admin of that SKZ fan Facebook page would never have known to add me to her Discord chat room. This next friend I will name Flight Attendant, for that was her job. And again, to protect a friend’s privacy, I will not say what airline company she works for. We began talking just over a year ago, in mid-December 2022. After texting back & forth on Discord for a short while, I again found myself moving a conversation over to dm (direct message) on Instagram. It was a particular joy for me in chatting with this individual, as we were the same age (she’d come to tell me later on when her birthday was; she was only a few months older than me). Do not misunderstand that the previous 3 individuals (School Girl, Single Mom & Late Teen) meant any less to me, they did not. Everyone knows how fun it is to interact with someone your own age (or in your own age group), is all I am saying here.

I do not know if Flight Attendant still works for the same airline, has switched companies entirely or is even in the aviation industry at all anymore. The last we talked was around mid-August 2023, as she was planning to attend KCON 2023 in L.A. with her 2 sisters. ATEEZ and Stray Kids were both slated to appear in concert shows there, plus give fan-meet events as well. For the ½ a year (give/ take a few months in between) she kept in touch, she confided some very personal things to me … of which I always kept her confidence. I was honored & very humbled that she felt safe enough talking to me through our chat to share what she did. She had some very hard ongoing family dynamics she was trying to navigate, on top of maintaining a semblance of a normal life for herself in between working back-to-back 16+ hour shifts with little to no sleep, depending on her flight schedules. Everyone, the next time you take a flight somewhere, anywhere … please PLEASE PLEASE be kind & courteous to the cabin crew, particularly the flight attendants {both male & female}. They work very hard to make your travel as easy as they can. Some aren’t as nice as others, of course, yet I’d like to think the majority of them are decent enough folk. I think you get what I’m trying to say here. They deal with some very nasty passengers (“pax” for short) & giving your hard-working and under-appreciated flight crew even a little amount of kindness in return goes a very long way. They may not ever remember your name or your face after you leave their aircraft & the current flight trip, yet they will always recall the kindness of your soul in reaching out to them with a smile.

I messaged Flight Attendant back a few times more on Instagram over the following months (fall/ winter 2023), yet never received a response. After deliberating for some weeks, I deleted our private chat thread entirely (from my end) on Instagram Messenger. Flight Attendant, if you ever read this (this individual knows who she is), it was not intentional. I never heard back from you & only wished to say hello one last time. I hope you’re doing well & a new semblance of peace has re-entered your life after all the hard things you went through. Please reach out to me any time, I am still here. You know where to find me on Instagram, you know my TikTok & you have my personal cell phone number. If you send a regular text though, please identify yourself to me, just in case (I don’t wish to text a weird person or a scammer back…); my phone number has not changed. God bless you & from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my friend and for the gift of your friendship and all it gave me. 💕🙏🏻

I will forever be grateful to Flight Attendant for the following reasons. ⬇️ If I’d never become friends with this person, I’d have never had these joys otherwise. So, because of her, I …

Discovered the world of spicy, adult only, Kpop-themed fanfic for the very first time … yeah, as in the MDNI (minors, do not interact) variety. 🔞❌‼️⚠️���🔥 Look up the author “J.S. Lee” & her H3RO and Onyx series. Holy fuck. H3RO has 6 books, Onyx has 5. They can be bought on Amazon Kindle, read for free on Amazon Kindle Unlimited or purchased in regular paperback form (also on Amazon).

Discovered the even more lovely world of 🔞+ Kpop fanfic on the Archive of Our Own (AO3) website - OMG … I will get to more on AO3 shortly.

Found new skincare products & cosmetics… Crème Shop-brand, specifically the BT21 line of products … their face wipes I love, there’s a different scented one featuring each of the 7 characters. I have tried all 7 of them - my personal favs are RJ, Cooky & Chimmy. And they’re SO CHEAP!!!!! Only $5.99/ per package. YES!!!!!!!!!

The next step in my 🇰🇷💜🫰🏻 journey would have to be when I signed up for Felix’s chat ticket on 🫧. As of today (Thursday January 4, 2024), I’ve had his ticket for 352 days. I cannot believe it’s almost been a year already! Again, where does the time go? I couldn’t do all 8’s tickets each month (that’s $30-odd dollars), yet $3.99 for one ticket … more than doable. ☺️ I’d only been chatting with Flight Attendant for about a month when I got Sunshine’s ticket. ☀️🐥 For anyone else who has his ticket (& even if you don’t), you will know that he sometimes sends photos in large batches, often “spamming” STAY with several hundred messages at a time. Most of the texts are 1-2 word notes, while other times he sends several short sentences in one text. It varies. 59 second or shorter audio messages from him also are shared; if he sends one in Korean he’ll usually send 2-3 more in English (or vice versa). I will say that the more days you have a ticket, the longer a reply you can send back to the group member. At first, you will be limited to typing only 2-3 words back. If you’re patient, you’ll be able to type more the longer you have a ticket. 💕🔖

Shortly after this, I began reading some of my first fanfic stories on AO3. You don’t have to have an account to read anything in a web browser; yet if you want to comment, leave kudos for an author or post a work of your own, yes you do have to request to join the waitlist for an account. I only had to wait about a week or so before the website sent me the official “account creation invite” link.

I will say this about fanfic stories on AO3 … no matter the level of spice, fluff, angst & smut (from G-rated to R & beyond), they made me feel less lonely. It was liberating for me to put myself in the Y/N (Your Name) character’s position and transport myself into another world, albeit temporarily. Even if it is a quick re-read of a favorite one-shot story, it’s always a happy journey into Delulu Land I’m pleased to undertake. I still feel this way about the stories at the present time. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not 100% bereft of friendships and human connection irl to survive solely on fanfic smut. I have 2 other newer Kpop friends I have regular conversations with, plus I have my family about me in my home life as well.

This thought brings me to the next individual whose acquaintance I made. She is a very successful fanfic author on AO3, quite steamy 🔞+ stories mainly. Flight Attendant sent me a link to a story called Tangled; it’s written by ThisPeachIsDirty. Yes, the author’s name is all one word together, each word is capitalized. This story of hers is 60 chapters long & part 1 is complete. Part 2 has two chapters thus far, with who knows how many more to come. Peach🍑, as I’ll refer to her, is a very kind & caring individual & after reading my way through 60 chapters of pure bliss, I began chatting with her on Instagram Messenger. After a few messages were exchanged between us, she encouraged me to begin writing a fanfic of my own (therein being my first ever written sex smut scene). I vividly recall writing for a span of 5-6 hours straight one afternoon & happily sending Peach🍑 screenshots of my first feeble attempt at fanfic smut. I recall her complimenting my unique style, which she told me was unlike most of what she’s read & that I had a natural gift for writing. I don’t know about that per say, I’ve only posted a small handful of chapters (& that was back in August of last year, 2023). I’ve not abandoned my stories; I do have plans to continue with them, plus ideas on a spicy one-shot 3some between a made-up female Y/N & 2 male characters. Oh yes. 🔞🔥😈 Anyway, I digress. Please look up ThisPeachIsDirty on AO3 if you haven’t already. Subscribe to/ follow her content on there and leave a comment for her. You will not be disappointed, I can assure you of that.

One month prior to August 2023 (mid-July), I took the plunge and joined the TikTok community. I’d been collecting albums & other Kpop merch for the past year and slowly began making show & tell videos of items in my collection. I’m not after huge numbers, yet I’ve currently amassed 4,517 likes with 143 followers in the span of 5 ½ months. I think that’s a good accomplishment for 100% homemade, beginner-level content. What do you think? 🙂

I would mention my TikTok @ name, yet I wish to keep the more adult side of fanfic (that I’ve seen on Tumbler & AO3) separate from my merch show & tell videos. I do know for a fact that a few of my TikTok followers are minors … one told me in a direct message that she is 14; while another began her 6th grade year last fall/ is a few years younger. So yeah, I don’t want to have to worry about any “oopsey’s” crossover 🫣🫢😬 and a youngster reading something they perhaps shouldn’t … at least until after they’ve turned 18. As I noted in my short bio at the start of this post, I am 33 years old irl.

If you’re interested, my AO3 name's the same as on here - Jordan2delta. I only have 3 posts/ “works”, which are not complete. The longest story I have on there I’ve named Reclaiming a Spark. It’s Stray Kids-themed, yet I do not use the members’ irl names. You’ll see … I wrote detailed character notes at the end of the first chapter. Pay attention to the animal emojis and you’ll be able to figure out who’s who.

I was …maybe… 4 chapters in on my Spark story, as I’ll call it, when I began receiving a few kudos & comments from other fanfic users on the site. One was Peach🍑, from before. Another individual who left me a kind note is a VERY talented AO3 author too; her name is Minnieprincess. Go check out her one-shot stories on the site, if you haven’t already. Like with Peach’s🍑 stories, you will NOT be disappointed. 😏🙏🏻🔥😈🔞 Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes x10. 🔥🥵

My acquaintance with Minnie🐭👑, as I’ll refer to her, brings me to the next step in my Kpop journey. Since August 2023 when she left her first initial comment on Spark for me, we’ve become dear friends. She is an individual who I know I will stay in regular contact with for the rest of my life.

Minnie🐭👑 & I began our friendship through an ongoing “comment conversation”, back & forth, on my Spark story. We exchanged maybe 1-2 very short messages on Wattpad before connecting again on Instagram Messenger. What followed in the months since then has been one of the most beautiful & meaningful instant-instant-connection friendships I’ve ever had in my life … ever. And no, I am not exaggerating in the slightest. I think she would agree with me. She lives overseas (I am in the United States 🇺🇸) & again, like before with Single Mom, Late Teen & Flight Attendant’s details, I won’t say what country Minnie🐭👑 lives in to protect her privacy. That is my preference. If that sounds weird or prickly to someone else, that’s not my problem.

Speaking a bit more on that instant-connection aspect … Minnie🐭👑 just “got” the subconscious portrayal of my main Y/N female character in Spark & left a detailed comment explaining her first impressions of my feeble writing. No, I’m not having false modesty either; that’s just how I feel about my own musings. The closer she & I became in our friendship, to where it is at the present day, was like a band aid of light to my heart. I found a missing piece of my soul in her friendship, plus a new home. It did not take the 2 of us long before we began referring to one another as “soul sisters.” Yes, this is a 100% real thing. We’ve come to trust one another enough to share things about our lives that are very personal & very private. To put this into perspective a bit more, I am only child irl. So, having Minnie🐭👑 as my “sister” is a gift I’m thankful for x10. 🥹❤️‍🩹

My sister ⬆️ & I talked on Instagram Messenger for several months before we moved our conversations over to WhatsApp … where we communicate to this day. Longer messages at last being able to be exchanged without time & message limit constraints, we began confiding things to each other in greater detail that we’ve not been able to tell anyone else ever before (& we never will). I’ve gained new confidence in myself, plus new respect for who I am as an individual … as a mature, adult female with a mind of her own & a heart that is perhaps too big, one that loves to give and share in equal measure.

One last thing on Minnie🐭👑 … a month ago, I mailed her a Kpop care box. It took 22 days to arrive to her doorstep. I’d bought her 4 different albums and several handfuls of smaller merch items, all of which she heartily adored. 💕🥰 Having the memory of video chatting with her on WhatsApp as we opened up the Rock version of Rock-Star together (we each have a copy) is something I will cherish forever and always think of when I look back through this album’s photo book. 🥹

What may happen next with my journey? I’m not sure, yet I have a few ideas.

Getting my first-ever tattoo (or two or three), Kpop-themed …

Traveling overseas for the first time to visit my sister 🐭👑

Meeting up with Minnie🐭👑 somewhere in the US

Attending my first ever Kpop concert (preferably Stray Kids, tho an ATEEZ event would be awesome too)

Shopping at a Kpop-only stand alone store and buying more albums/ other merch

Beyond these things ⬆️, I have no clue. No matter what happens though, I will raise my hands to the sky regardless in rejoicing at the light and hope of my soul this journey has brought (& continues to bring) me.

If any of the members of Stray Kids, ATEEZ or BTS (my 3 favorite groups) read this Tumblr post of mine — may you know & never forget how much you mean to your fandoms … STAY, ATINY & ARMY. 🥹 I feel if it weren’t for you guys, I would not have ever had all of the beautiful things in my life I’ve written about in this post. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the healing you’ve brought back into mine. ❤️‍🩹☀️

Stray Kids Everywhere All Around the World, You Make Stray Kids Stay

~~Bang Chan🐺, Changbin🐷, Han🐿️, Lee Know🐰, Felix🐥, Seungmin🐶, Hyunjin🦦, I.N🦊~~

8 Makes 1 Team

~~Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, Jongho, Mingi, Wooyoung, Yeosang, San~~

I Purple You!

~~RM, Jin, Jimin, Suga, j-hope, Taehyung, Jungkook~~

[thegirl20]

actually i wanna ask all of them but i narrowe them down ❤️💥✨️✍️🚀🥳🦋🦈🔎🤩🤖💛🎨 but feel free to skip i know it is many!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

“I told you, my mother-in-law is moping all over the place, weeping and wailing like an Italian.” Bree Van De Kamp in this fic.

The reason I like this line is that in the episode the following week, Bree said to her mother-in-law:  “Even Italians take a break now and again.”  So I felt like I’d got the character right.  That’s my favourite kind of dialogue - when it feels right for the person saying it.

There are probably more recent things I’ve written that I quite like, but that’s the one that sticks in my brain for some reason. Despite it being like 17 years old.

💥What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Can I say the last three and a half years of Emmerdale? 😉

✨️Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

I can’t answer this one. I enjoy any time people tell me they’ve enjoyed a fic. I love when people pull out the bits they liked the most. I love it when people tell me they can ‘hear’ the characters in my dialogue. Those are my favourite kinds of comments, because I enjoy writing dialogue so much that when it sounds right to people, I feel accomplished.

✍️What’s your ideal writing setup?

I used to write long-hand. I would jot notes down in my work notebook or whatever and then type it up, editing and enhancing as I did so. I stopped doing that and now I mostly just capture snippets of notes in google docs and build things around them. But I used to quite like the tactile sensation of writing by hand.

I don’t really have a set-up as such. I have a room that I use as an ‘office’ and sometimes if I know I need to get some writing done I’ll go in there so it feels more official. But I can write anywhere my laptop is, really.

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

It depends. Mostly my fics grow out of a single line of dialogue or a single scene I have in my head. So I’ll jot that down, then write around it. If I know the story I want to tell is longer, generally I’ll still jot down the scene or scenes I have in mind first, but I’ll try and do some bullet points outlining a vague structure and the things I know I want to include. But if it’s a short fic I just sit down and write it, generally without knowing much of what will be in it beyond the initial thing that inspired me to write it.

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

I’ve always enjoyed creative writing. When I was little, like 8 or 9, I would write out scripts for my dolls or for my friends to act out. I enjoyed writing stories whenever we had to at school. So I suppose when I discovered that people wrote stories about shows I liked, and could make the characters do whatever they wanted them to do, it appealed to me.

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

Charity Dingle. No question.

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

I find a lot of characters difficult to write. When people don’t have a distinctive voice or way of speaking, I struggle, because I rely on dialogue a lot for characterisation. Yennefer, for example, I find difficult to write and I don’t think I really capture her a lot of the time. I tend to shove her into modern AUs and use that as a bit of an excuse.

🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?

No. Not even me!

(That sounds flippant, but it’s the truth. This is because I write because it’s fun, and it’s not fun for me to have someone essentially ‘mark’ my work. And I know this isn’t how a lot of people work with betas, and I know it can greatly enhance both the experience and the end result, but for me my brain wants to be done with something when it’s written. It doesn’t want to go back over things. That’s why I tend not to plan things out very much either - if I had written an intricate plan for something, my brain would think it was done and wouldn’t want to do it again)

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?

Depends which fandom, really. I’ve been known to check things out because of gifs. I have a friend who I watch a lot of tv with and she recommends things to me and vice versa. Although, just because I watch something doesn’t mean I want to get involved in the fandom. Usually I get into a fandom, and particularly writing for a fandom, if there’s subtext involved. Or if people aren’t together yet. I like to have scope for creativity.

🤖 Are non-fandom friends aware that you write fanfic?

No. Absolutely not.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

That people can take joy from my wee stories. Even the ones I don’t particularly like, there will be someone that likes them.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

This is quite funny, because @ehay offered to make art from my fic and I was unable to think of a scene that stood out. And that’s because I’m not a very visual writer at all. I don’t describe scenery or clothing or even people very much. I write dialogue. So it’s hard for me to think of scenes that I would like to see immortalised by the talented artists out there.

Incidentally, @ehay did create some scenes from one of my fics, and it is gorgeous and far more beautiful than I could ever have described: The hour of hush and wonder

And people got pretty excited about Cara Lannister back in the day.

I guess it's exciting to see fan art of AUs because I'm never going to get to 'see' the characters in those settings in canon.

[fitzrove]

❤️ and/or 🦋, if you feel like answering!

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

Rudolf :D he's my little meow meow... But at the same time, and in spite of me saying it's really hard: I really like writing Tod as well. It's actually a bit hard to pick, because depending on the story, writing any character can be either a very good time or absolutely miserable XD

OOH, I really liked writing my OC todesengels in my todesengel fic! >:] I'm very particular about OC's lol - I rarely read non-canon-character centric fics because I can rarely bring myself to get invested lmao, so I also only rarely write them myself. But in this case there was such fun worldbuilding and character-building to do, and I really enjoy the end result!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

This is making me feel so shy!! ajhshdhs. I generally feel like my individual lines are less interesting than the whole they form (what a way to sell your writing XD). But I do really like this one... Under the cut for references to pain/violence.

As it happens, a series of moments flashes in front of his eyes: an empty black motorcar scarred by shrapnel, a gunshot that rips him apart with piercing pain, a sea of white flowers, Elisabeth weeping inconsolably, a dark forest, Rudolf limp and motionless in Death's arms as he cradles the prince much closer to his body than is appropriate, a kiss.

(from as black as the earth, as white as a foal). The wording is original but the flash forward (ish) idea isn't - it's lowkey inspired by something in That One Todolf Fic Everyone Has Read aka The Bond by vindobonensis (on ao3). But here I actually intended it to be read backwards - the events happen in the reversed order from what they're written in, if that makes sense. XD And it's outsider pov.

[yrrebulb]

honesty & vulnerability — the night before 3BH anniversary

Sitting on the balcony of her apartment, Blu shivered in the breeze. The incoming winter has darkened the skies and brought back eerie feelings of the past. Starring off at the light-laced view of the city, she couldn’t let go of the soul-swallowing feeling in her chest. Her eyes drifted closed in the quiet of her own mind. In the black window of each blink, she can’t shake the gleaming smile she’s fallen in love with. The way it lit up in the presence of small animals and the heart start way it was always followed by a laugh. Scuffing at the pain each memory caused, she shifted in her seat.

“Grow up,” she mumbled to herself. A miserable laugh left her lips as she folded over from the pressure. Like a balloon, the guilt and fear filled her slowly but steadily. Slowly but steadily, she suffocated on feelings that were far too familiar to ignore. Feelings she pined to get rid of. Getting lost in thought, she completely tunes out her ringing phone. The melody of its tone hummed along with her empty stare. Just as the temperature began to dip, even more, she brushed her bare feet on the cold wood vinyl of the deck. 

The splintering cold didn’t shake her chilled-to-the-bone body as she walked into the warmth of her apartment. Locking the patio door behind her, she was greeted by her kittens. Picking them up, she stretched her neck as she walked deep into the apartment. Passing her phone, the flashing screen and stream of notifications failed to catch her attention. Crossing the threshold of her room was like stepping into a different world. The modern decor of the living and dining room was nothing compared to the draft paper-covered black walls and the oddities that decorated shelves within her bedroom.

Plopping the little ones on her bed, she pulled her large-hole knit sweater off and traded it for an old hoodie. Slipping out of her jeans and into fleece shorts, her silent trudge through the motions was met with the chiming of her door. Making sure to close her room door behind her, she begrudgingly went to the door. Turning her phone over without looking, she unlocked the heavy security door to meet a pair of anxious eyes.

Pushing the door open and pulling her in close, Kei’s warmth steamed onto her skin. Thrown off, she couldn’t figure out if to hug back or to check if he was real. “Kei?” She questioned as he pulled away. Her eyes widened as he came into focus. 

“Wha- what are you doing here?” She inquired, looking behind him before looking at him full-on. The grown man’s heavy breathing matched his rushed appearance. Tote bag on his shoulder, his bundled-up attire was in shambles as it slipped off. Grabbing the sides of his coat and pulling them tight around him, Blu panicked. Checking his temperature and cupping the sides of his face. Her worried expression must have been funny to him. He let out a relieved chuckle, his chilled hands pulling her close.

“For someone so good at worrying people, you look so cute when you’re worried,” he kissed her forehead. In awe of his ability to be so relaxed so quickly, she couldn’t help but stare. The scarf tucked into his coat collar hid the small smile he held as he stared back.

“What are you doing here? How did you know-“. Her questions evaporated along with her temporary state of distraction. Pulling away from him, she turned to grab her phone from the breakfast counter only a few paces away. Catching Blu’s hand Kei’s worried look came back.

“I tried calling you, but you never answered,” he began. Her thumb rubbed the soft grip he had on her fingers, slipping out of his grasp. 

“Let me change. I can walk you home,” she offered, rushing away. Catching her arm this time, he pulled her to his chest. 

“We need to talk. Now,” he demanded. His voice barely raised past a speaking tone, but for some reason the sternness made her lungs malfunction.

“Okay. Outside,” she nodded, placing her hands on his chest. As if to push him out the door, she ushered for him to not go any further into the apartment. Unfortunately, he had other plans. Grabbing hold of the sides of her arms, Kei stared down into Blu’s eyes. His burning gaze silenced her arguments. 

“Here. Right now,” he ordered. Taking her hands in his, he walked her over to her couch. He sat her down, taking the time to take his coat off and put his bag down. This was the first time he’d been in her apartment, let alone this deep into it. The spacious luxury flat was well decorated with photos and art. The nurtural tones were warm and inviting as if she intended to use the space to entertain.

“I’ve gotten to see the inside of your place before,” he began. His sweet tone was like oil in water. Her heart anticipated for it to catch fire at any moment. For it to boil and reveal his true feelings at any time.

“I know you don’t like talking about yourself, but I can’t help but feel like you’re trying to keep a distance between us”. His words wrapped themselves around her throat as he spoke. 

“I didn’t want to push you into talking to me, but there’s so much I don’t know,” he spoke honestly. The candor alone was enough to shatter the glass ceiling holding back the crushing burden she strived to avoid. 

“Talk to me, B. Please”. Kei’s lips wavered as he spoke. The mere foot and some between them felt like an ocean for them both. Strangled by the churning conflict in her chest, Blu couldn’t find the words to explain. She couldn’t break the stone wall in her mind that locked away her darkest fears.

“Do you like me? Honestly, do you feel anything?”

“Of course I do,” her soft voice cracked.

“Then why are you afraid? What have done to make you so scared?” He asked. The pain in his heart seemed into his voice as leaned onto his knees. The well-dressed student’s long black hair draped into his face from its not-so-neat clip. The clip Blu bought for him and Atsushi to match with her. The same clip she wore at that moment. 

“It’s not you. I promise, it’s not,” she muffled her words in the sleeves of her hoodie. 

“What is it then? I can’t help if I don’t know”. His slender fingers were clamped together, the force between them enough to break glass. 

“I just,” Blu tried. 

“It’s not anything,” her words got lost in the distance between her tongue and her teeth. Her bottom lip quivered as she fought to keep what was left of herself together. She couldn’t figure out why it hurts so much to have him there. In that room. In these four walls that held her memories, hopes, and dreams.

“Does Akashi have anything to do with it?” That name. A name she never thought she’d hear come of his mouth. Gasping, Blu’d hand instinctively clutched the collar of her hoodie.

“How do you-“ she questioned, joint separating anxiety filling her being.

“Atsushi told me. He said that he was your last serious relationship,” Kei’s tone became softer as he spoke. The pain he was feeling reflected more in his body than in his words.

“Then you know?” She huffed in a pained laugh.

“I want you to tell me. I want to know how to help you feel better when it gets bad,” He pled. Keisuke held his hand out to her. His pale palms were red from how tight he was holding his own fist.

“I stabbed him,” Blu trembled. “We were sitting right here when he started yelling at me. Saying that I wasn’t happy and that I should’ve never stayed with him for so long”. Her eyes watered as she recalled the events of that night. As she detailed the screaming fit they were in and how he got aggressive when she said she was leaving.

Kei’s muscles strained under the restraint he showed. Listening to how he chased her around the apartment trying to force her to stay, Keisuke couldn’t help but pull Blu into his lap. Holding her close to him protectively.

“I know you’re not him but I’m so scared of you hating me one day. Of one day you getting so angry that you look at me with disgust in your eyes,” Blu cried. Pushing against him, she sank into a suffocating spiral.

“Hit me. Scream at me. I don’t care”. Grabbing her face, Kei made Blu’s sloppy tear-filled eyes meet his. “I would never hurt you. Ever”. Cupping his face, she couldn’t resist the care that oozed from his warm body. Lifting her up, Kei made sure to turn the lights off as he carried her into her bedroom. The one room he’d never gotten a glimpse of.

The black and baby blue room was decorated with polaroid photos and paintings. Stacks of artwork covered a corner of the room while a desk piled high with drafting papers decorated the wall across. It truly was a place of safety. Though small, it looked just as her mind did, full of fondness and cluttered with projects she’d never ask for help with.

Laying her down into bed, Kei laid next to her. Wiping her eyes, the pain he felt before washed away. The fear she showed answered more questions than he could’ve asked. 

“Sleep tight, mamas,” he kissed her forehead. “I hope you trust me more and more. I want to know everything about you,” he allowed a small smile to skate across his face. Blu fell asleep nuzzled into his arms, sleeping well in her own home for the first time in years. 

[mtnkat3]

He is Risen!

Thank You Jesus!

You sacrificed all & paid for all our sins!

By Your Grace I am redeemed!

"Easter"

It's not the secular, nor the pagan, "celebration" of bunnies, painted eggs, hunts for candy, nor bouncy houses.

~It's to remember.~

Jesus was tortured.

To the death.

Not by the Romans.

But by the "religious leaders" afraid that He was "stealing" their power!

Pontius Pilate deemed Him innocent!

The crowds tortured, mocked, spat, cast stones,...

What hollywood nor anyone else wants to show...

He was naked on The Cross.

He bled.

Every drop of blood in His body until

He "bled" water.

They "washed" His wounds vinegar.

They "offered" Him sour wine.

This was after He had already been "tortured."

The Crucifixion was The Worst torture of a human being.

But humans took it further.

The soldiers knew how to make it worse than a "normal" crucifixion.

He was nailed in such a way that drawing breath was torture.

Jesus paid.

He paid, not because we deserved it.

But because God Almighty asked of it His Son.

But He knew...

His disciples denied Him.

Judas betrayed Him & brought this about.

Peter denied Him.

Three times.

The first pope of the original Church.

In the Ninth Hour, ~2pm, He drew His last breath.

&.

God Almighty.

DARKENED THE SKIES OF THE WORLD.

HE SHOOK THE GROUNDS.

HE TORE THE VEIL.

&.

people still didn't believe.

Those that did...

His family.

&.

Those of us that follow...

Christians.

Because...

He rose from the grave!!!!!

As I read the "Easter story", the crucifixion of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am horrified.

My soul weeps, I wail, my heart breaks.

&.

I thank Him.

Jesus Christ.

There is nothing deserving about humanity!

But by His Grace, Love, Mercy, & Sacrifice.

We all have the right, privilege, & chance to come to Him. In faith.

I write this, not because I am even remotely perfect, but because

His Is!

He sacrificed for

every single person ever to be borne,

every sin ever committed

So that we may be set free!

I only pray that everyone thanks Him.

With a moment of quiet thanks,

or a shout of Hallelujah joy!

We were each Created by God.

With the knowledge of our entire lifes before He Created the universe.

&

HE CREATED US ANYWAY!

Thank You Jesus!

Thank You God!

For loving me & Creating me, despite my sins & failings.

You did it anyway!

I for one am

Thankful. Grateful.

& truly humbly Blessed beyond measure to know He loves me!

Me.

His humble daughter.

His complex quirky warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌱🌺

✝️☸⚓🌂🔗💫🙏👣🐾

🦉🐯🐐🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌳🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵

🧭⚒⛓🧰👩‍🏫🕵️‍♀️👷‍♀️🏋️‍♀️🧗‍♀️🤺🧘‍♀️👩‍🎓🛀👙💋

🗝🔱⚜💝🐺🦌🐻🧩♠️♾❄🙇‍♀️🤲🕯🌟⚡🌠

The earth is the Lord's & everything in it. Ps.24.1

~True love always waits & true love never dies.~

Su.3.31.2024 2.48pm.est.🌅👑🤲🙏👣⚓🧭🕯

*pictures are from Google.

[butterflybuckethat]

Shots Taken

Notes: Anthony x Reader - I'm currently moving, so things are going a bit slow right now. Please, bear with me. 💙

Request: Hi, I love all your Bridgerton fanfics! can you please do one with Anthony × reader using prompt - 46? (“Would it help if I stayed?”)

🦋 Masterlist 🦋

"Stop it," you chastised your mother from where you were on the divan. "What?" she was sitting kitty-corner to you on the chaise. "Staring," she had not left you alone since you had been knocked in the face by an overzealous Arthur Grimsby. A rather impressive welt had formed around your eye and Lord Grimsby was promptly switched to tea. "I'm not. I'm reading," she lifted up her book as proof, a contented look on her face as if she had bested you.

All the others were enjoying the endless activities your mother had planned for the weekend but she was here, with you. The injury looked worse than it felt, and you told her as much, but she took it upon herself to tend to your every need and you had absolutely no choice but to sit there and take it. The only reason you weren't out with the others yourself was that, first of all, the bruising was rather unsightly and, secondly, your eyesight was still the slightest bit blurry. You could not, under any circumstances, play whist with muddled vision, your friends would surely take advantage and they would be right to do so. "Please, go enjoy the festivities," you pleaded. "I am perfectly comfortable here," she was having none of it. This was at least the third time you tried to shake her off, but she only stuck closer. Your mother cleared her throat, and muffled laughter filled the room through the window, and you felt as if you might scream. Your mother shut her book, turned to you, and said, "you should have worn the green dress. It looks much better on you than pink." "Mother," you balled your fists at your sides to temper your anger. "Lady Y/LN," Anthony Bridgerton appeared in the doorway, saving you from yelling at your mother, "you are expected to commence the following activity." "Oh, of course," she placed her hand on your knee, "I will return very shortly." You repressed the urge to rip all your hair out. "You look much improved," Anthony took a step into the room. "Liar." He raised his eyebrows. "I meant it," he stood barely a foot from you now, "are you alright?" "I love my mother," you fell back into the divan. "Terrible start." "But she is driving me absolutely out of my mind! She will not leave me a moment's peace! She sighs, she comments, she disparages... as if being disfigured is not bad enough," you were being inflammatory, of course, but your point was made. "Would it help if I stayed?" You thought you might weep. You might actually have, considering his sympathetic expression. He sat down next to you and brushed off his breeches. There was nothing on them, of course, just something to do with his hands. "How has your afternoon been?" you were not very good a small talk, and neither was he. You felt rather nervous, undoing and redoing the buttons of your gloves. You had been around Anthony Bridgerton before, at the usual society events and occasional luncheons thrown by mutual friends, but you had never had the opportunity to really spend time with him, as much as you wanted to. "Lovely, really," he twisted his torso toward you, resting his elbow on the back of the couch, "I won a guinea off my brother." "A feat, I'm sure," you turned slightly in his direction as well. Anthony nodded, his mouth quirking into a grin. "Benedict is quite a good shot, better than I, but I believe he was... distracted..." "Oh?" He shook his head, suddenly embarrassed, looking down at the upholstery. You had a feeling you knew why: "Did you happen to notice Lady Anne's new dress? The color is incredible." Anne Shepard wore a deep purple dress with a particularly low neckline to impress one of the Smythe-Smith's she had set her sights on. Anthony pressed his lips together, barely looking at you. You couldn't help but tease him further, "Don't you think?" The dress was ultra-fashionable, not that the Bridgerton men really had an eye for couture. "I think you've made your point," he said, poking you lightly in the arm. "Perhaps you should share your winnings with her," you twisted further, slinging your arm over the back of the divan by his. "But then I would have to explain why," he inched closer. "I don't think she would mind," you looked up at him through your lashes. "Oh, but Benedict would," and he was so close to you now you could see the little dark flecks in his eyes. He licked his lips and a tiny thrill passed through you, emboldening you. "Are you capable of keeping a secret?" "For you, I will guard it with my life." You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to

lose your nerve. "I have always had a crush on you." "Have you?" he whispered, gaze flitting between your eyes and lips. You nodded, jerky and distracted, and breathily said, "But you are such the rake that I never thought to act upon it." He seemed to sober at that, lowering his gaze and pulling away from you. It was no more than a few inches but it felt as though he had crossed to the other side of the room. You almost wanted to yank him back. "You're right, I shouldn't have..." he shook his head as if snapping out of a dazed and moved further away. "No," your eyes widened in panic. He thought that you thought poorly of him. "I didn't mean- I do not mind." "Your mother probably would," he murmured "Please, don't go." You were begging at this point but you couldn't bring yourself to care. If begging was what it took to prolong the moment you had been longing for since your first season, then so be it. "I loved her, you know," he spoke intimately, but his posture and positioning read nothing less than proper. You waited for him to elaborate but he didn't. "I beg your pardon?" He sighed. "Lady Whistledown was correct in her...reportings. But I loved her. Or, at least, I believed I did." "What happened?" you kept your voice so low you could barely hear yourself, scared that if you spoke any louder you would scare him away. "It was not meant to be," he shrugged and looked at you. He held so much emotion in his gaze you found yourself short of breath. And, as if pulled from some divine force of nature, you found yourself mere inches from him once again, eyes falling to his lips, breath hot against your cheek, and you crushed yourself to him. It was all-encompassing: needy kisses searing your lips and his hands tugging at your hair and your hands on his hard chest. He moved to your neck, nipping and sucking. Dogs barked outside and he pulled away, with a nervous grin. You touched the back of your neck, trying to encourage the heat to subside, and smiling back at him. "I have returned!" your mother sing-songed, appearing in the doorway. Anthony chuckled at the annoyed look that flashed across your face. "I give you my sincerest thanks for sitting with my daughter, Lord Bridgerton." It was clear that she was trying to get him to depart. "It was my pleasure," he replied then turned to you, seeking your permission to leave you alone with your mother. You reassured him it was fine. "Might I call upon you tomorrow afternoon?" "Of course," you responded, hoping you didn't sound too eager. And with that, he rejoined the rest of the party. "Did something happen? I was only gone for a moment," your mother's brows furrowed as she sat back in her chair. "Pleasant conversation," you offered and she returned to her novel.

[meurtrissuresdeletre]

Hi dear <3

Asky time!

49 what saying or quote do you live by?

55 favorite fairy tale?

88 your greatest wish?

Love, Sav 🦋

Hello Dear 🤍

Thank you for the asks !

49. Quote I live by :

I remember, the first time I saw Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, I was blown by a sentence Absolem says to Alice. Weird thing is I heard this sentence in the cinema version, but later it was cut in the released one. Here it is : « Staying seated weeping in a corner never resolved a problem »

55. Favorite Fairy tale

This is a difficult one because I LOVE fairytales. I’ll base my answer on what I read again and again when I was a child. I had this book my father lended me, old-fashioned with beautiful pictures. It is a fairytales collection. My favorite one was « The twelve dancing princesses ». I loved going with the soldier to elucidate the mystery of the worn out shoes. The only thing which bothered me was the ending, because the elder princess wasn’t asked for her consent to marry the soldier. Another one I liked, similar in the « soldier and inquiry » vibes, is « The Lighter ».

88. Greatest wish

Ooof. A few days/weeks ago I’d have said « For everything to stop and just stop existing ». But I’m still fighting to recover. My greatest wish would be for anyone on this earth to find at least a glimpse of self-love and a haven of peace and safety in their mind. Especially those struggling with exhausting chronic illnesses, mentally or/and physically. If I have to make a more personal wish, it would be to be remembered as a kind person. This would be a beautiful life accomplishment.

[templeofthegoldenrat]

If you’re still doing the tarot, can you ask what’s going on with my love life please?:)💞🦋

When I first pulled out these cards, I wasn’t sure what they were trying to tell me. The Five of Cups, Page of Swords and The Falling Tower all seemed to be warning of some tragedy and of dishonesty, juxtaposed with The Lovers and the Two of Cups, which in turn seem to echo each other. I have given it a lot of thought, and to me it feels as though this spread reads like a story. I believe either this story is currently unfolding, or will take place in the future. 

The Queen of Cups. This card represents you. An ode to Botticelli's Venus, she represents a nurturing and compassionate nature. Her energy is Cancer, her feelings ebb and flow. She looks away from the rest of the spread. The pink and blue tones in the card convey feelings of innocence. 

The Queen is then followed by the Five of Cups. This card represents a traumatic event, it represents sadness, loss and despair.  We see the five stages of grief depicted: the first one looks angry, the second shushes the first in denial, the third weeps into his cup, the fourth conjures up a bargaining plan while the fifth pours out his cup in a symbolic act of letting go and acceptance. There is a lesson to be learned from this event. This card is mirrored by The Falling Tower, the card at the bottom of the deck which represents a hidden influence relevant to your question. This card, ruled by destructive Mars, warns of a disaster or upheaval, and its presence and location in this spread leads me to believe that this event will happen suddenly.  

The Page of Swords is a tricky one. In the traditional Rider-Waite, the Page of Swords is a messenger of clarity. However, in the Medieval Scapini Tarot, he is depicted as a sly villain who will do anything for money. He is indicative of a cunning mind, but also of a person who is adept at uncovering secrets.This card to me indicates a period of clouded with suspicion. It brings to mind secrets and impostors. There is lying going on. 

In this spread, The Lovers, ruled by Gemini, indicates a choice. The handshake gives a sense of coming to an agreement. Both parties stand at the edge of a cliff, their kingdoms and their individual journeys represented behind them.They have come together beneath Chiron, ruler of free choice, to make a decision. 

The Two of Cups is this decision. This couple embraces each other warmly, and there is a sense of a re-kindling or renewing of love. It feels like a fresh start - the woman is even wearing a pink dress like the one the Queen of Cups wears, symbolising finding yourself again after this transformative event, but with a new unveiled perspective. 

I found this particular spread really interesting, I’d love to hear your thoughts and what it means to you. 

[abhasachit]

🌀💫🔆🌕☀️🌠🦋🕊️☘️ . . The educational so called society system has taught man to be just a man: never to show any feminine traits, never to show any softness of the heart, never to show any receptivity, always be aggressive. Man has been taught never to cry, never weep – because tears are feminine. And women have been taught never to be in any way like the male: never to show aggression, never show expression, to always remain passive, receptive. This is against reality, against life , against existence and this has crippled both. To make this world better with better understanding, it should be taught and given freedom that a man can be both, a woman be both when they wish – because sometimes a man needs to be a woman. There are moments when he needs to be soft – tender moments, love-moments. And there are moments when a woman needs to be expressive and aggressive – in anger, in defence, in rebellion. Seeing into India and many countries due to conditioning and forces and rules and regulations a woman is simply passive, and she turns into a slave automatically. A passive woman is bound to become a slave – that’s what happened down the ages. And thus an aggressive man, is emphatically aggressive and never tender, is bound to create wars, neurosis in the world, violence. The day has the active yang energy which melts into the restful yin of darkness . . #wordsbypawan #yinandyangmovements .....was reading a post by amazing inspirational soul, Rhyanna Wilson . #archanaaatma #tantricyogi #deathlover #deathislife #silentlove #soulsearch #twinflames #Movementisnewsexy . . . #ALOvetofly July 20th-27th Time sure does fly so fast ! We are already flying through this year ~ Let's jet off this year by flying or preferring to remain grounded together. Share your variation of the following poses with us.. whether it be grounded.. twisted or high flying ! . . 🤍Poses Line-Up : #Day3 #fireflycrowpose #tittibhasanakakasana 4. Epk 5. Grasshopper ( Baby.. laying.. flying) 6. Fallen Angel 7. Elephant 8. Yogis choice 🤍Hosts : @cindywuyoga @momentofbreathe_withnehaa @tania_ah @_yogilee_ @shamaris111 Sponsors: @aloyoga @alomoves https://www.instagram.com/p/CRp-o4WD-HW/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ephemeral-winter]

🦋🍓💖

🦋  is there anybody you idolize? not at the moment no 

🍓 is there a piece of art (music, book, painting) that always inspires you? i’m always real fucked up by the prime of miss jean brodie by muriel spark because it is an incredibly well-constructed novel like every time i read it i notice something new about the structure and i WEEP it’s so good also the story is great and wow i really want to be able to write like that someday 

already answered the other one!

emoji (?) asks

[yrrebulb]

story time : phone calls

Keys, litter, kitten vitamins, young cat supplements, grocery essentials to replace the ones used for thanksgiving, and paper towels. Blu counted all her things before hip bumping the door of her baby blue ‘58 impala. Trenching out of the parking garage and into the elevator of the apartment building she didn’t live in, she mindless scrolled through her phone. This routine of picking up the missing things for his apartment, going to work, getting off work, stopping at home for extra jewelry or clothes, then driving to his place had become so normal, she didn’t even notice it anymore. Stepping into the resident’s only lobby, she waved to the doorman before being let onto the elevator. The semi-luxury high rise wasn’t far from her condo and yet she still like it better.

Taking the elevator up, she wasted no time getting to the door and letting herself in. Kicking her shoes off into the corner of the coat closet, she dropped the bags off and released the kitties from their temporary captivity. The smallest of the felines circled her ankles as she mushed their cute little faces. “Missy, treat time,” she called out. The biggest little fur ball poked her head of the bedroom. Her judging eyes waited curiously. “Come here, you big baby. I brought snacks since you were nice enough to watch the little ones,” Blu bribed. Holding out a small fish flavored snack, Blu waited for the little orange princess to take it. Sitting on the floor, Blu played with the cats. Her two and Kei’s one, ounces and played with each other merrily.

Getting up, the 20-something year old engineer put away the things she bought and prepared for dinner. Turning Spotify on and connecting to Kei’s tv, she jammed. Mindlessly going through the motions of his kitchen as if it was her own. “Alexa, play Blu Light District,” Blu called out from inside the fridge.

“Now shuffling playlist: Blue Light District,” the tv echoed. Just as she got into it, Blu’s phone rang. “Alexa, pause the music,” she sighed, picking up the phone.

“You’ve got five minutes, make it worth my wild”.

“First off, fuck you. Second, where you at?” Souya’s voice vibrates from the phone. Kawata twin #2, Blu’s confidant and voice of reason, echoed through the open floor plan. His restaurant screams of head chef misery were screams Blu was all too used to. “I’m at Kei’s. Feeding the cats, making dinner, watching his Netflix. The usual,” Blu replied. At this point she was in the cabinets, pulling out ingredients and sorting steps.

“When did being at his place become your usual?” The twin questioned.

“What happened to ‘separate space separate lives’? And ‘ain’t no ngga finna turn you to a housewife,?”

“I ain’t a fucking housewife,” she barked back. “He’s busy and his cat needs someone to cater to her needs. I need mini vacations in the day and his building has a pool”.

“Your buildings has a pool”. Souya didn’t sound impressed by her excuses. His background quieted as she stood in silence.

“Fuck you call me for? You shouldn’t have enough time in the day to judge me,” she hissed. Leaning over the countertop her phone sat on, she could feel his sigh of frustration through it.

“I called to check on you. And not for some bad reason you’re making up in your head,” he commented. He wasn’t wrong. Blu had a habit of coming up with the worst case scenario and running with it. Not to be self destructive but honestly cause she was usually right. “Kei and I have been homies longer than you and I been runnin’ together,” he continued.

“I just wanted to know how you were feeling and talk it about, you know, the elephant in the room”. Souya and Blu went as far back as Blu’s street racing days. They met after she jumped the fence of a mechanic shop and socked Nahoya in the face when they tried to stop her from stealing some parts.

“I’m fine, Sou. Serious,” she reflected.

“Fine don’t cut it, B. You said you were fine last time and you almost went to jail”. Souya’s concern was valid and Blu knew that. Her dating history was sketchy in the best of terms. From street racers to ball players to actual criminals. She had a taste for the dangerous and dominant. Her love for the thrill made it hard to settle down and even harder to control her emotions. “I know you’re antsy. I can feel it whenever we all get together. He’s not gonna flip a switch on you, you need to be okay with that,” his voice was almost a scold. His brotherly tone, beating into her conscious like a mallet.

Taking a deep breathe, Blu bite her lip in the sudden onset of reality. Her knees weakened and she slide down the cabinet to the floor. “Sou, I know. I’m not fucking stupid”. Her voice let out a thread of vulnerability. A thread she believed she couldn’t afford to have. “Tell him, B. Tell him what happened, and tell him your fears. He’s not gonna suddenly see you different,” Souya reassured.

“I gotta call you later. Tell the nigga you like him before he assumes you’re just there for something casual. Just like you can’t wait forever, neither can he”.

“Fine,” she surrendered, “I’ll try”.

“Good. I’ll talk to you later”. The phone beeped as he disconnected. Blu sat, leaning against the cabinet door. Burying her hands into face, she let out the most miserable sigh a human could. “Why does he have to be,” she whined. Kicking her feet out of frustration, she stood up. Dusting her jeans off and rolling up her sleeves, she took a deep breathe and turned to her delayed meal project.

“Alexa, play Body Race”.