#''Save Me'' even sounded so gooooooood

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I watched this Big Country concert from 1990 last night and IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD!! 10/10 would watch again (still skipping the songs I don't like, though, like "King of Emotion").

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Your perfect portrayal of toxic Jaylex gave me an idea… 👀

A Heathers AU, with Alex as J.D. and Jay as Veronica…

Just consider the possibilities- Meant To Be Yours? Our Love is God? Dead Girl Walking? I Am Damaged? Its endless and delicious and painful 👀👀👀

Ooooh that sounds so cool

i haven't actually watched heathers lol, i do know a couple of the songs tho, but like, meant to be yours with Jaylex????? perfect??? same with dead girl walking. They're like the only songs i know but they're so gooooooood and they really do work for jaylex lol.

okay i just listened to I am damaged... Ow??? God now i'm thinking about Sorry, It's Locked Jaylex in episode 80 with that song, how Alex doesn't want to kill him but he cant see anything else he could possibly do. he has to save Jay, he has to save everyone and stop the spread of the Operator sickness, he has to kill Jay and everyone else spreading the sickness to do that.

our love is god is so good too wtf. like if jay worked with Alex rather than against him, partners in crime joined by being ridiculously in love with each other lol

god i love making them toxic. and it's not even really their fault they're toxic, just neither of them fucking know how to deal with each other and they really would be better off not knowing each other💀 they're just a little too insane about each other and they don't know how to do that healthily lmao

[rotworld]

Inhuman Encounters: Jay

an anon asked:

HMM…… sex pollen + the boys in inhuman WP………… thoughts? 

i was going to post them all at once, but they’re taking a while and they’ll all probably need their own warnings lol so here’s just the first one for now.

a day out with jay ends suddenly when he says he isn’t feeling well. concerned, you decide he could use a visit from a friend to cheer him up, but he’s not the one you should be worried about.

->inhuman!jay/reader. explicit; contains heat/mating cycles, extremely feral behavior, noncon/dubcon, rough sex.

.

.

.

You’ve known Jay long enough to know he deals with his problems like a dog. Bites them, when he can. When he can’t, he slinks off to some quiet place to curl up and hide. Maybe he’s trying to save face and not look weak in front of you and Rex, or maybe he’s just trying to protect himself. You’re not really sure which it is, but you don’t like the idea of him being all by himself. So not this time, you decide. You’re not going to let him deal with it alone.

He looked sick when you split up for the day, flushed and feverish. Said he’d go home and sleep it off. But his mom won’t be back until late, and just the thought of him lying sick in bed in a dark, empty house bothers you. You don’t have much, but you throw together a little care package. Some soup and some sweets. You think about picking up something over the counter, but you don’t know what his symptoms are, or if it’d even help. You know some things just don’t work on him. His alcohol tolerance is through the roof.

You’re still debating what else to bring when there’s a loud thump at the door. Less of a knock, and more like something running into it and slumping on your doorstep. You hear labored breathing. A panting animal. There’s a scraping sound like dragging claws and audible sniffing, the shift of a shadow on the other side of the door. You hold absolutely still, not blinking, not breathing, but you feel a bead of sweat sliding slowly down your skin. The shaky moan you hear makes your heart skip a beat.

“H...hhhhhhey. Hhhhuman. Let me innnnn?” 

It sounds like Jay, but something is really, really wrong. His voice is hoarse, a little deeper than usual. He’s slurring his words, a low hiss accompanying every syllable. You hear him tap his claws on your door and fiddle with the knob, growling under his breath when he finds it locked. “Jay?” you say carefully. The sound of your voice makes him groan in an unmistakably suggestive way. “Are you alright? I thought you were going home.”

“Mmm. Yeahhhh,” he sighs. You hear shifting, struggling, a grunt of exertion. The door rattles as he slams up against it. Trying to get to his feet, you suppose. (Trying to break in, another part of you worries. You know what he’s capable of. Your flimsy, shitty lock couldn’t survive that.) “Home,” he mutters deliriously. “‘M home. I wanna come innnn.”

“You’re not home, Jay. You came to my place.” And thinking about that, why he’s here, why he stumbled over in a feverish haze with his instincts promising a safe place, fills you with feelings you aren’t ready to confront right now, but you can’t worry about that right now. He needs help. You’re too far in your own head, worrying, wondering how to feel about all this, to notice how quiet it gets the closer you get to the door. Jay goes completely still until the lock clicks out of place. “Here, let’s get you inside,” you start to say. You don’t even finish your sentence before the world tilts.

Something hits you, maybe the door, maybe Jay in his rush to get in. All you know for sure is there’s a sore spot on your head and the floor rushes up to meet you. You’re still getting your bearings, blinking away the pain, seeing double as Jay stalks towards you like downed prey.

“Sssssmellll gooooooood,” he hisses, a long, forked tongue slithering out to taste the air. He shrugs off his jacket and he’s shirtless underneath, covered in a sheen of sweat and patches of gray-green scales. You try to scramble back and away from him but you don’t get far. Long, clawed fingers wrap around your ankle and yank you back across the floor. 

You’re starting to realize that “sick” isn’t quite the right way to describe what’s wrong with him. He’s in some sort of rutting frenzy, crawling on top of you to pin you down with his weight, shredding through your clothes with his claws and teeth. Every time you cry out and beg him to stop, he kisses you, swallowing your scared sounds and moaning into your mouth. His hand cups your sex and your hips buck involuntarily. 

Jay makes a rumbling sound that vibrates in his chest, halfway between stone-like grinding and a purr. He makes quick work of what’s left of his own clothes and grinds his huge, hard cock against your stomach. “Mate,” he purrs, sounding drunk and content. He says this over and over, muttering it against your throat, “mate, mate, mate.”

Jay’s kisses are sloppy and unfocused, nipping and sucking at your chest, your collarbones, your throat, strings of drool dripping slowly down your skin. You’ll have marks everywhere in the morning. His thrusts grow more frenzied and he’s not even inside of you. He clings to you, sinks his claws into your hips, and uses you like a toy to rut against while he growls and pants against your ear.

Suddenly, he flips you over, face-down on the floor under him. One hand rests heavily on the back of your neck and the other hikes up your hips. Your pulse picks up and a reluctant coil of arousal twists in the pit of your stomach.  He still can’t seem to get inside of you, impatiently thrusting before he’s lined up properly. You can’t believe shy, nervous Jay is doing this, mounting you, humping your ass like an animal as he snarls his frustrations. He bites you as if to punish your body for not letting him in. He grazes his teeth over your shoulder in warning and then sinks them into your flesh. “Mate,” he whines pitifully. He wants you so badly he can’t think straight. 

“It’s okay,” you tell him. You can’t look back because he won’t let you. He gets agitated when you move, biting your arm when you reach back between your bodies, but he backs off when you push your hips back against him. He watches, curious, letting out a pleased moan when you try blindly to line him up with your entrance. It takes a few tries with his impatient movements, hips bucking to feel the warmth of your hand. But you feel when he figures it out, starts angling his thrusts. Precum dribbles from his tip and it’s all over you, smeared along your inner thighs and your ass from his excitement. 

Jay bends over you, the hand on your neck rising to tangle in your hair. He scratches your scalp, careful not to break the skin. He presses a kiss to your nape and you hear him breathe in shakily, feel his warm exhale warm your skin. The tenderness in the gesture, the way he affectionately strokes your hair, feels almost like an apology. The Jay you know peeking through, asking for forgiveness.

He isn’t gentle and it’s hard to take him. He doesn’t wait for you to adjust. The flare of his head stretches you, and the girth of his length stings at first. You struggle to catch your breath between his hard, fast thrusts. A vicious growl scares you and you hear his claws splintering the floor. You’re so full you think you’re going to break. “Goooood,” he purrs, lapping at one of his nastier bites almost playfully. He’s in, you think through a haze of agony and dizzying fullness. He’s all the way in. His pelvis is flush against you and it seems to settle him somewhat, quelling some of his frenzy. 

“Fff...fffuck,” Jay mutters, the closest you’ve heard him sound to himself since he got here. “Tight. You’re so tight. I didn’t...fuck, should’ve prepared you….” He gives a small roll of his hips, a slight, shallow thrust that still makes you whimper. “I made a mess of you, honey,” he murmurs, his long tongue sliding wetly against the shell of your ear. “Mmm. I kinda like it.”

He pulls out halfway only to slam back in, making you quiver and cry his name. He hushes you, settling heavily against your back. It’s not enough to be on top of you, he needs to touch you, needs to feel your skin along every inch of him. His scales are cool at first but they warm quickly from your body heat. You feel his tail loop around one of your thighs, the tip grazing your sex. It’s too much. You feel yourself on the edge already and he pushes you closer as his hands explore your body, smoothing up your sides.

“Can you,” he pauses, taking a shuddering breath as he rolls his hips. “Can you say my name? My real name. Just try it.” 

“Dženan?” you say. It’s more of a question than anything, unsure of your pronunciation. But it’s exactly what he wants if the sound he makes is any indication, that purring growl rumbling in his chest again. You feel his cock twitch inside of you. 

“Yeahhhh,” he sighs. You’re losing him again to his mating haze, his voice going low and inhuman again, but it’s not the same impersonal rutting from before. It’s still rough, too fast, too demanding for you to keep up with, but you swear he almost cries every time you call his name. His claws rake down your sides and you think you’re bleeding, think there’s too much pain for it to feel so good. You feel faint, close to losing consciousness. He has to be done soon. He has to be close, at least.

You don’t know how long you lay there, fucked into the floor, but you lose your voice and any semblance of higher thought. If Jay finishes, you don’t notice, because he keeps going. You wake up in bed at some point, sore and vaguely aware of the sensation of teeth in your neck and Jay’s cock still inside you, but slower, shallower, almost sleepily fucking you. You croak out his name and he chuckles, rubbing your sore thighs. 

“Save your breath,” he murmurs. “I’m not done yet.

[deeplydesiredimagines]

Can you write a Present Mic x trans male reader where the reader rides him in his studio while he's on air 👉👈 thank you

♡ Pairing: Present Mic (Hizashi Yamada) x Trans Male Reader

♡ Word Count: 1.1k

♡ Rating: Mature, 18+

♡ Warning(s): public sex, almost caught, creampie

Rules ♡ Fandoms ♡ Requests ♡ Ko-Fi

A/N: Of course I can, my love! ♡ Present Mic is actually one of my favorite pros to write for so this was super fun! Don’t forget to like and reblog pwease :#> ♡

“Ngh… Superstar…” Hizashi muttered against the gloved hand he was holding over his mouth. He leaned back against the hardwood door of his dressing room, your body pressed against his, your lips pressed against his neck. Hizashi was weak to your temptations, you knew that as well as he did, and that was exactly why you were taking advantage of Hizashi in such a delicate, time sensitive position. You did not want him to go on, you were feeling a little possessive of your radio host. It was no secret you were needy, and you knew damn well he was also needy, you could feel him pressing between your legs with his dick. “Stay,” you whispered against his sensitive neck, feeling Hizashi shudder at the sensation of your warm breath on his neck. 

“The show is about to start, I have to go on,” Hizashi muttered, grabbing your hip with one of his very strong hands, the other grabbing onto your chin. “Don’t worry, I always have a plan, superstar,” he tilted his head down, his glasses sliding down his nose as he winked at you. He walked you backwards, using his strength over you to press you against the wall, your back arching slightly when you hit the hard surface. Hizashi grinned in a very coy manner, like he had an idea brewing in his mind. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours much rougher than you were expecting. You really must have riled him up~

Hizashi’s tongue pressed through the barrier of your lips and into your mouth, his tongue piercing rubbing against your tongue, only for a few seconds before he pulled back. He looked you up and down, looking at your red face and how cute it was when your breathing was all heavy from how riled up you were. He reached his hand down, rubbing you between your legs, he could tell you were soaked and how hard you were, it was an immediate turn on and it made his cock throb in anticipation. Hizashi’s hand slid away before he gestured towards the door with his head, opening the door up and walking out of the room.

The door was connected to the studio, it was a small place Hizashi rented out, he manned all of the controls for the most part. He walked over to his seat and slid into his chair, scooting back a little as he adjusted his microphone and put his headphones on. You could not help but stare, Hizashi was sexy, there was no doubt about it, but staring at his large bulge in those tight leather pants, just begging for attention. Well. It did something to you. It made you throb and it made your mind buzzy, all you could think about was his dick and how you wanted it inside of you. Immediately, you walked over to Hizashi as he was turning on his live broadcast. There was no way he could stop you now. You unzipped his leather pants, watching his cock spring out, standing tall with the slightest dribble of precum decorating the tip of his hard-on. 

“GOOOOOOOOD EVENING OUT THERE TO ALL MY RISING STARS!” Hizashi started, trying to ignore how you were sliding your pants off beside him while holding his cock. He was throbbing from the attention, trying to control any noises and his breathing while focusing on his show. “Today is a very special day, it is the anniversary of the famous incident that started it all— the day All Might saved all those civilians!” You slid under Hizashi’s arms, grabbing onto his shoulders as you positioned yourself over him. You slid down onto his rock hard cock, leaning your face into his neck and biting down on his tanned skin to stop yourself from making any noise. You hoped that the microphone was not picking up how your wet hole made a clicking noise as you slid down Hizashi until you bottomed out. 

Hizashi’s mouth opened and his head leaned back, his eyes closing as his hand moved onto your hip as you started to slowly rock your hips against his. “Oh yeah…” Hizashi muttered quickly as he lifted his hips up, pushing himself deeper into you before he remembered he was working. His eyes widened and his body tensed, holding himself deep in you as you started to bounce against him. He had to quickly recover. “OH YEAH!” you were bouncing on him faster while he was trying to regain his control. “LISTENERS! I have a special treat for you all!” Hizashi pulled his mouth away from the microphone to let out a heavy breath, looking at you with lidded eyes. He was always so noisy. It must have been so hard for him to not make any obvious noises~ good~

Hizashi saw the smug look in your eyes and bit his tongue, rolling his hips up into you while lowering the volume on his radio. “We have a playlist specially picked out and curated by All Might himself! And you, my RADICAL listeners, get to EXCLUSIVELY HEAR IT!!!” Mic yelled into the microphone while he began to move his hips up into you faster, watching you bounce on his lap from the reflection of the windows in his studio. You bit into his neck harder, but the clicking sound from just how wet you were was filling the room and you were trying your hardest to muffle your moans in desperation that the mic did not pick them up. It did not help that you could feel Hizashi throbbing and your own orgasm starting to come. 

“I’m…. CUMMING AT YOU RIGHT NOW WITH THE MOST EXCLUSIVE ALL MIGHT MUSIC CONTENT YOU’VE EVER HEARD!” Hizashi bit his thumb in response to almost slipping on live radio. He slammed his hips up into you and opened his mouth as he let out a loud sigh as your hips bounced up and down faster on him. His hips twitched and his hips jerked, the chair squeaking under him and his headphones fell off of his head, landing around his neck as his eyes closed. A warm sensation began to fill your stomach as Hizashi started to cum inside of you. Immediately, your hips jerked and your head bobbed around, your own orgasm hitting your body harder than it ever had before. A louder noise escaped your and Hizashi covered your mouth with his gloved hand, leaning in closer to the microphone. “Coming to you, live on air, All Might’s playlist!” he said before flicking the microphone off and pressing a button that started the music. 

“Naughty boy, I hope no one heard you moaning live on air~ now, be my good little show stopper and show your host how you ride the newest trends— me.” 

[ibuki-says]

How would Kaede react to Shuichi surviving his execution, which Monokuma did internally to prolong his death and she can’t get his agonizing expressions and wails out of her head?

This was such an interesting scenario to think about, I hope I did your idea justice, Anon!!

Pairing: Kaede Akamatsu x Shuichi Saihara 

Rating: PG-13 - Cursing and mentions of death

Word Count: 1,247

Spoilers: Not really? This is an AU for the first chapter of DRV3

Kaede couldn’t believe it. The one person she felt like she could trust in this insane situation had been the one to betray them all. Letting out a small cry, she buried her face in her hands in an attempt to shake the bad thought away. No. Shuichi hadn’t betrayed them. Hell, he had tried to save them all! Save them all by killing the mastermind! She only wished he had felt comfortable enough to discuss it with her first. She could’ve talked him out of it, or figured out a better way to go about it...something!! Anything would’ve been better than ending the trial staring at the detective’s lifeless body. Her eyes filled up with tears again at the memory, his terrified screams and expression seemed burned permanently in the back of her mind. 

“Why….why did it have to be him?” She muttered into her hands, not speaking directly to anyone. She felt so broken, so defeated, so utterly hopeless. She wasn’t able to encourage everyone enough to keep trying to get out the escape tunnel, and now this? There had to be a way out, she was sure of it!! If only she hadn’t allowed everyone to give up, Rantaro and Shuichi would still be alive and they wouldn’t be in this awful mess anymore!! If only she had noticed how strangely Shuichi had been acting leading up to the end of the time limit. It was all her fault...it was all her fault...it was all her fault…

Kaede wasn’t sure when she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts had kept her up for most of the night. Even when she did sleep, the only images flashing through her mind were the lifeless bodies of what were once her friends so she didn’t even want to sleep. She’d been woken abruptly, hearing a static sound penetrate her sleeping state. She sat up with a start, letting out a confused groan while trying to adjust her eyes to the brightness of the screen in her otherwise dark room. 

“Gooooooood morning everyone! After all the excitement from last night, I just couldn’t wait wait wait to show all of you the next surprise I have in store! Please everyone gather in the gym immediately! You’re gonna wanna see thiiiiiis~” Kaede wanted nothing more than to ignore the bear on the screen and crawl back under her covers for the rest of her life. However, she now knew what he was capable of and didn’t want another one of her friends to be punished because she didn’t comply. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she willed herself to get out of bed and stagger towards the gym. 

By the time Kaede arrived at the gym, it seemed as though she had been the last one to arrive. Everyone else was simply standing around, the same confused and exhausted looks in their eyes. Conversation wasn’t necessary, besides, what would they even say? Luckily, the silence didn’t linger for too long as six figures popped up at the front of the room. “Rise and shine ursine!” The catchphrase Kaede had somewhat gotten used to rang throughout the gym. 

“We have a big announcement!” Monotaro excitedly started things off before Monosuke immediately shoved him. 

“Hey, Pops is supposed to announce it, not us! Remember! He said we just need to stand around and look cute!” He scolded Monotaro before the red bear shoved him back. 

“Actually, I don’t remember, so there!” The two glared at each other while Monophanie looked on in horror. 

“Please stop fighting!” She cried as many of the students looked on in even more confusion. 

“Hey shut up! Monokuma, what the hell’s this about?!” Kaito was the first to speak up, addressing Monokuma directly. Monokuma stopped cooing over the cubs to turn his attention to the students for the first time. 

“Oh right um, this is kinda awkward buuuut… it looks like the blackened you all chose for the last trial was….incorrect!” It took a moment to process. Kaede’s head was spinning. Incorrect? But based on all of the evidence...she thought...she determined that he had been the only logical choice to be the killer...and he wasn’t? She sent him to his death and he was innocent? Her hands couldn’t stop shaking and her eyes had begun filling with tears. Clearly, the others were just as confused, some of them in silent bewilderment like her while others had taken to anger, shouting expletives towards the bears. But...if they had gotten it wrong...shouldn’t they all have been executed? Almost as if he was reading her mind, Monokuma spoke up yet again. “I know what you’re all thinking and- no. Since this is a very rare occurrence where I made a mistake, in the issue of fairness you all will not be executed! I know, I know. I am your most generous headmaster. Besides, we can’t have the fun end right at the first trial!” 

“Can we tell them the second surprise!? Please, daddy!! Please!?!” Monophonie seemed to barely be able to contain her excitement, which made Kaede all the more afraid. What could she possibly be so excited about? Clearly nothing good for Kaede and the rest of the students she guessed. 

“Awww...if my cute little cub is so excited, how could I possibly say no?” He cooed and moved to the side to allow the cubs to take center stage. 

“Alright everyone! In addition to everyone’s non-immediate death, we have one more surprise! Since the blackened wasn’t actually the blackened, daddy managed to fix everything! You can come in now!!” Monophanie shouted out the last sentence louder, almost as if she was calling out to someone. Kaede’s blood froze as she heard the door to the gym open and footsteps ringing against her ears. She could hear the other students turning and reacting, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn around. Her heart pounded in her chest as she squeezed her eyes tight shut. No, no...she just lost him...she just mourned him...there was no way Monokuma could bring him back after the brutal execution they had witnessed. 

“The true blackened is still out there and, to make the deal even sweeter, I have an offer. Clearly, the First Blood Perk wasn’t enough to motivate you all. If the true blackened of the first case is the next murder victim, I’ll let you all go, no strings attached!” Kaede could hear the malice dripping from his voice, daring them all to make a wild guess as to who was the true blackened of the previous case, and put enough confidence into that guess by murdering them. But...if they’re right then they can all be free… Was anyone willing to take that gamble? 

“Kaede…” A voice that was oh-so-familiar, one that Kaede stubbornly refused to believe was actually back was now right in front of her. 

“No...you’re dead.” She whimpered weakly, still refusing to open her eyes, lest this end up being some kind of sick nightmare. She felt a hand gently grasp her own, reminding her of the way she had tried to encourage him before the time limit ran out. 

“Kaede. Please look at me.” The voice begged again, a desperation that mirrored her own evident in the tone. Finally, she took in a deep breath, raised her head, and looked into the golden eyes that she had missed so much.

[bichlordstories]

13: Sports Festival

Oooohhh boy! It’s about time!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

“What.”

Aizawa fell silent after the biggest fucking reveal since leaning All Might’s secret identity.

The said man rubbed the back of his head while looking down with a guilty look.

“...I’m the biological father of (L/n) (Y/n).”

The room was still silent until Aizawa stood up from the teacher’s lounge chair with a narrowed eyes.

“...do they know you are their father.” Aizawa demanded.

“Well... you see... no.” Toshinori admitted.

Aizawa’s tired eye twitched as his scowl grew more.

“So... you decided to tell me... before you told your own child???”

‘And Midoriya...’ All Might thought.

He could remember it like it was yesterday... because it was. Midoriya was shocked to say the least, even more so when he learned that you didn’t know.

“You’re (L/n)-san’s father... and you never told them...!?” Midoriya said that night.

“Are you kidding me, Yagi?”

All Might felt a shiver run up his spine as Aizawa glared daggers into him, more than he has ever before.

“You have a kid, yet you never told them of your identity???”

“It’s for their own protection.” All Might said.

Aizawa placed his hand on his forehead and pushed his tangled, long black hair back, processing everything he was told.

“I understand if you wanted to hide your relation with them from the world since villains would love to eat that shit up, but you never told them!?” Aizawa spat All Might’s logic back at him.

“You instead told me. Someone who isn’t family, nor related to this family drama of yours- oh my god.” Aizawa turned from the blonde, trying not to strangle him.

“Aizawa, listen-“ but before All Might could finish, Aizawa whipped back around with eyes redder than hell itself.

“There is no relationship between you two. Nothing. I have more chemistry with them than you, and I only met them in person for a few hours total.”

“I know...” Yagi said in a defeated tone.

“Hell. You have more of a relationship with Midoriya than you do with YOUR OWN CHILD.”

Yagi flinched at this. Aizawa was right, and there was no arguing against the scruffy man.

“You realize that by the time you tell them, they will hate you for the rest of their life.”

The tall man covered his face with his hands as he slouched over in his seat.

“Yes.”

Aizawa’s red eyes dimmed a bit before closing them.

“It isn’t my place to tell you how to go about this, nor is it my place to tell them. But they will need to know.” Aizawa walked towards the door.

“Don’t you dare wait until your death.” Aizawa said.

And with that, he left.

What else was he supposed to say? In that moment, his mind was fogged up by the information dumped on him.

Today was the sports festival, the day where you would finally prove to him, to All Might, that his predecessor was a mistake.

Entering the field, you were met with a cheering crowd.

“And here we have Class 1B from the hero course!”

“Damn 1A, getting all the spotlight!” Monoma said through gritted teeth.

It was no secret that class 1A was favored over everyone else. Hell, the loud man, Present Mic, didn’t even mention the other classes with the exception of your class (though your introduction was nothing in comparison to 1A).

You didn’t blame class 1A, more so the pro heroes.

“Tch. They could have at least hid their blatant favoritism.” You muttered, earning some nods and sounds of agreement.

“What is he saying? He’s talking too fast.” Pony asked.

“He says class 1B is filled with capable students.” You lied.

The girl’s face lit up and she bounced with each step.

“Really? Thats really nice!” She exclaimed.

“Ahem-softy...” Kosei smirked.

Your head snapped to him, letting out a loud crack. He no longer spoke and chose to stare forward with sweat forming on his face.

You all finally stood in front of the stadium where a woman stood. She was... wearing something, though you could barely call it clothes.

“Yo, check out the assets on her!” A student with grapes for hair said to his blonde companion with a lightening bolt.

Your eyebrow twitched in annoyance as the two chuckled before the woman whipped her whip thing.

“Representing the students- BAKUGOU KATSUKI FROM CLASS 1A!”

Everyone turned to the blonde, who had his hands buried in his pockets. As the teen walked forward, the woman opened her mouth as if to say something.

And she did.

“And- (L/N) (Y/N) FROM CLASS 1B!”

You did not sign up for this.

Shock was evident on your face but slowly faded away. The same could not be said for your class, however. You could feel the pride radiate off of Monoma as you walked past him to the stage.

Once standing in front of a second microphone that was magically there, you looked down at your classmates to see Kendo giving you a thumbs up, Tetsutetsu pumping his fist up with a wide smile, and pony silently clapping in excitement. Everyone else in your class looked on in approval, which made you feel funny on the inside.

“I pledge...” the blonde began, locking eyes with you for a second before a smile grew on his face.

“...that I’ll be number 1.”

Cue the uproar. Students left and right yelled at the guy. Everyone was pissed.

Everyone except you.

You weren’t angry. No. You were... you were laughing.

Every single class quieted down when hearing loud, boisterous laughs coming from you. Your head was thrown back while your shoulders bounced up and down.

It was as if you were... a second All Might.

You immediately stopped and turned to look at Bakugou with a dangerous grin.

“You better not disappoint us then, Bakugou-san.” You said into the microphone.

“I want a good fight.”

Bakugou smirked at you, determination and sadism flashing in his eye.

“I’ll give you one...” he sneered.

‘They’re twins!’ Class 1A and class 1B thought in unison.

“Alright you two! Save it for the battle field.” Midnight said with amusement in her voice.

Meanwhile...

“...damn...” was all Toshinori could say.

In some ways, you were like him.

Watching you laugh his laugh... the similarities between some of your characteristics and his were beyond uncanny, especially since you are... more aggressive?

“I want a good fight.” Your voice echoed across the field, sending chills up and down his spine (and no doubt others)

Yeah.

Definitely more aggressive.

A race.

You were being pitted against each other... in a race.

You weren’t afraid to admit your disappointment in the wheel of fortune. But now isn’t the time.

You watched the students in front of you block the tunnel and chose to parkour the fuck out of the tunnel.

You hopped wall to wall over the heads of the students, leaving large cracks in the tunnel. You exited the tunnel before a bicolored boy shot out, leaving the entrance covered in ice.

Shouts of surprise were directed towards you and... that kid with the scar. The sled along side you, glancing at your form before focusing back on the race. The ice was creeping up quickly from behind you, almost touching your heels.

It was clear that he would freeze you if you slowed down even just a little. But there was one thing he didn’t have... your speed and strength.

You began outrunning Todoroki with ease, blood trailing and flying from your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth and onto his shirt and ice.

“Targets found... lots!” A robotic voice said.

Without warning, you shot up and barreled through the robot that appeared out of nowhere, tearing its head off. You continued on, swiftly dodging metallic limbs and tearing through any you couldn’t dodge.

“HOLY COW! Class 1B’s (L/n) (Y/n) is taking the lead while showing no mercy!!! They’re leaving chunks of metal in the path of the others!” Mic’s voice could be heard echoing through the arena.

“And LOOK AT THAT! Todoroki Shoto from class 1A made the area completely frozen over, keeping the rest from passing! How brutal!”

You turned your head to see Shoto following not far behind. He stared toward you with intent and pushed himself harder.

You kept this pace, staying in first place as Bakugou caught up to Todoroki.

You even created more and more distance between the three of you, using the minefield to deter them from speeding up.

A blast of light flashed behind you along with the screams of Present Mic before a body shot  past you.

You stopped in your tracks, unable to understand and comprehend what just happened... until you saw a mop of green hair.

Like a bull to the color red- or in your case, green, you charged the boy with gritted teeth.

Were you going to run past him or were you going to beat him once you caught up... that is up to you, dear reader...

The teen drew closer to the finish line, which fueled your rage and encouraged you to run faster.

Unfortunately, it was all in vain, as the greenette passed the finish before you. You shot past him after and dug the heels of your shoes into the dirt to stop you, leaving a trail dug behind you.

You panted, spitting blood and wiping the extra crimson liquid from your mouth.

“Oooooohhhhh! So close! Midoriya came in at number 1, making (L/n) come in at 2nd!”

You snapped your head back at a tired looking Midoriya, who went from tired to alert in a matter of seconds.

You were burning holes into the poor kid with your blood shot eyes. The said teen stood frozen, even as Todoroki and Bakugou passed him.

Not even Bakugou’s murderous aura could take Midoriya’s attention away from you.

Despite the crowd cheering loudly, it felt silent to Midoriya.

Up in the stands with the other heroes, All Might was watching all of this unfold.

If your dislike for Midoriya was not clear before, it was definitely clear now.

Even as the other students caught up to you and filled the field, you continued glaring at the greenette.

~~~~~~~

Shit’s gonna get gooooooood...

Just you wait.

[tracybirds]

Gooooooood morning, it is definitely not 1am and I definitely didn’t get a random spark of inspiration to finish this fic which I began writing for the TAGrewatch for Space Race, not definitely not. Funny the things that happen when I manage to finish work on time (more or less XD) instead of at far-too-late-to-even-consider-work o’clock. Truly incredible. Anyway, Alan + the fam following his near death experience. Hope you enjoy :)

Many thanks to @gumnut-logic and @plantmuffin for reading bits and letting me babble and mutter my way through this one :P

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His hands were steady as he guided Thunderbird Three back to her base in the hangar. The manoeuvre was as familiar to him as the virtual motion of Cavern Quest™, and one he’d been trusted to complete solo for over a year now.

Today, he was buzzing like it were brand new.

It might have become ordinary to land a rocket in his family’s version of a backyard shed, but today he’d done something really special.

Today he’d saved lives.

Sure technically he had been the only person around for a couple thousand kilometres but if he hadn’t been there, if he hadn’t been the one to find the mine, he didn’t know who would have. He did know the exact time to launch Thunderbird Three was twenty-two minutes, from lowered chair to atmosphere exit.

They would have had eight minutes. He had gotten thirty.

And now they had the opportunity to disarm all of them – forever.

There was a dancing flame underneath his skin at the thought.

Was this how his brothers felt every day?

He could see why they’d never stopped, why his Dad’s vision had outlived him.

The thrill, the feeling of importance, of purpose, the adrenaline, it was intoxicating.

He looked down at his gloved fingers in awe before a flashing light caught his attention. Post flight checks. Of course. Today wasn’t special just because he’d saved the day. He was, after all, hoping the experience would become ordinary.

An insistent beep drew him from his thoughts as he retracted the chair. He pulled up the hologram as he moved smoothly backwards, the bright lights of the hangar lighting up his face as much as his smile.

“Scott! How was it?”

“We’re all wrapped up here, kiddo,” Scott said, eyes crinkling at the edges. “John told me you got the job done, how does it feel?”

Alan’s smile grew even wider.

“It was amazing! I’ve never flown like that before except in a simulator. It was pulling me backwards, and I had to avoid all this debris, and then John needed to know the serial number and I flipped Three over like she was sub-atmosphere.”

Scott laughed.

“It’s a good feeling, isn’t it? Knowing that you made a difference?”

Alan sucked in a breath as the reality of the moment – his moment – hit him again.

“Yeah, it was the best. When can I go out again Scott, I don’t want to wait anymore.”

Scott shook his head in amusement.

“It’ll be soon, Allie, don’t worry. We’re all so proud of how you’ve grown – and you really kept your head today. You’ll have a few more runs at the obstacle course on the ranch, and you need to finish your deep water training.”

“And then?” The bright note of hope echoed across through the comm.

“Then we can start sending you on missions. Real missions.”

“Yes!”

The cheer bounced around the hangar, loud enough to startle Brains, working on one of the PODs far below him.

“Sorry,” called Alan, waving down at him as he jumped off the chair.

Brains waved back with a smile.

“Is that Alan?” There was a sudden glitch as Gordon shoved his way between Scott and his comm. “Alan, hi!!”

“Gordon, I got to shut down a mine today!”

“I heard! What was it like?”

“It was great!”

He chattered away to Gordon as he trudged back up to the main section of the house. Gordon gasped in all the right places, his eyes widening as Alan spun a tale of daring manoeuvres and fearless flying. The craving to tell more stories like this one only intensified the more he spoke and, already, Alan was itching to go on another adventure.

“And then,” he said, his voice tinged with all the layers of appropriate drama. “It was down to the last second. I flew over on my surfboard, ready to shut down the mine or be blown to bits with it. John read me the code and I began to punch in the numbers. He stopped, and I stopped because there was only one number to go.”

“What was it?” asked Gordon, as eager for a good story as his younger brother.

“We didn’t know.”

A hush fell over the conversation. All attention was on him and Alan relished every second, allowing it to stretch on into the silence.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean you didn’t know?”

Scott barrelled into the story, as brutal and quick as a freight train.

“We had all the numbers but the last one,” repeated Alan, enjoying the drama of his story. “‘Seven’s lucky right?’ I asked and John said he hoped so. We only had one shot. I was just about to press it, when John called it in. It was a three. I punched it and soared away as quick as I could.”

“And then what,” growled Scott.

Alan shrugged.

“And then it sort of…. retracted in on itself. It bounced off the ship and I went and collected it in.” He wrinkled his nose. “Sort of a let-down after all that. Maybe next time will have a better ending.”

Neither brother said anything in response.

Alan frowned and looked down at the comm.

“Uh, guys? You’ve muted it.”

Gordon had turned around, clearly doing something else. Alan could feel a pout starting to form as the disappointment that his brothers weren’t even paying attention registered.

Gordon snapped a soundless sentence and turned on the sound again with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, Allie. I’m back with you now. Great story.”

“Yeah, well, most of it was.” Alan cringed, hating the way his voice turned into a sulk.

Gordon looked irritated, clearly hearing the same tone. Alan tried to pull himself together. Gordon and Scott were coming back from a real mission after all, he couldn’t expect them to pay attention to every detail of his trip into space.

“Look, we’re on our way home now,” said Gordon, plastering an encouraging smile on his face. “Why don’t you have a shower and go wake Virgil. See if he’ll make you some pancakes. I know I was starving after my first real mission.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks Gordon.”

His stomach felt hollow, but the thought of food had never been more unappealing to Alan before. The electric buzz had faded and everything felt greyer than usual.

He found Virgil already awake when he opened the door to the kitchen. He leaned against the counter, talking intently with John.

Alan did a double take.

“John?”

They looked up, startled by the intrusion.

“Why did you come down? I thought you still had another week on rotation?”

John and Virgil exchanged glances, a conversation lingering in a single look.

“Would you like a hot chocolate?” asked Virgil. He turned away to begin making a cup before Alan could reply.

“I-uh…” Alan looked helplessly at John, asking with an inclined head what was going on.

“Take a seat, Alan.” John nudged one of the barstools with his foot and Alan clambered up. His legs swung as he picked up the sense of discomfort in the room.

“Why are you here, John?” he asked again.

“Checking in on you.” His brother’s voice was strangely gentle. “How are you feeling?”

Alan shrugged. A hot mug was pressed into his hands.

“I dunno.” His voice was small. “I was feeling good, but now I just feel…”

“Exhausted?” suggested John.

“A bit chewed up maybe?” said Virgil, pulling an arm around his shoulders. He was warm and Alan closed his eyes for a moment, allowing the feeling to seep into his bones.

“Just kinda crappy.” He looked down at his hands, wrapped around the mug of hot chocolate. Just a few short hours ago, they’d done something amazing. Now, he clutched at the ceramic mug tightly, afraid that if he loosened his grip, unwanted thoughts would spill from his mouth.

“I told Gordon and Scott about it.”

He didn’t need to look up to see the glance that passed once more over his head.

“They’re coming home.” He slumped in his seat, staring glumly at the drink. “Scott’s mad at me.”

John’s breath caught in his throat. Alan could feel Virgil’s arms tighten around him.

“He’s not,” said Virgil. “I promise you, Alan, he’s not mad at you.”

“But he has to be! I guessed seven! I would have been wrong, I would have been…”

His voice trailed off as he drew the natural conclusion for the first time.

“I could have died.”

Terror ballooned in his chest, too late to save him from a threat that no longer existed. He gasped, his hand reaching out to grasp at something solid.

“You could have,” said John gently, covering Alan’s small hand on his shoulder with his own. “Scott’s not mad, he’s terrified.”

“I didn’t, I can’t,” said Alan, looking up at John between wet eyelashes. “I nearly died, John.”

The realisation hit him again and suddenly he was being crushed by warmth and love and for a moment the world was solid enough to allay his fears.

“We’re proud of you, Alan,” said Virgil, his voice muffled against his hair. “It wasn’t meant to be like that.”

“But it can be.”

Alan looked up in time to see John dodge backwards to avoid the smack Virgil aimed at him.

“He needs to know,” he said, glaring at Virgil. “You all risk your lives every day, but you have backup. If something goes wrong up there when he’s alone, he’s by himself. There’s no way for us to reach him. That’s why he has to be the best.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“And we’re asking him to risk his life. He needs to understand the full ramifications of that. We can’t afford to protect him from that if we’re sending him out there.”

“Gordon–”

“Gordon nearly got killed before he ever got into Four. He knew exactly what we were asking.” John’s eyes flicked down and met Alan’s. “And now, so does Alan.”

Alan pushed his brothers away, getting to his feet. His knees wobbled beneath him as he walked up the stairs without saying anything.

“Alan?” Virgil called after him.

“I need to think.”

He knew John was right. He could have died. He could have left behind his family, trapped again in that suffocating grief. He still saw flashes of it, though none of them acknowledged it. It was a private thing the way Scott still started at the sight of Virgil in the early morning before he’d run the product through his hair, or the way John never took avalanche calls, or how sometimes their Grandma would sit in the garden out back, alone and silent.

He never wanted to cause that same pain.

He might someday.

That’s what John was telling him. That’s what he needed to understand.

His Dad had thought it was worth the risk.

He stumbled on the steps and fell to the ground.

“Alan!”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled as his brothers raced up the steps. “I’m fine, I just.”

He sat in silence, allowing the calm, soothing voices to wash over him. Kind fingers swept back his hair as he stared unseeing into nothingness.

He clutched at the shirt collar that hung in front of his eyes.

“I could have died,” he whispered, before the tears sprang from his eyes. He couldn’t hold them back any longer, pressing into the warm embrace. “I could have died.”

“But you didn’t,” he heard John say calmly above him. “You didn’t, Allie. You’re okay, we’re with you.”

He didn’t know how long they stayed there, crumpled on the stairs, awkward limbs supporting his weight and the constant reassurance from above. Long enough that when hitching sobs became slow, deep breaths and shaking hands were stilled, the sun had sunk low in the sky.

“How can you do it? Knowing what happened to him?”

“Happened to who?”

“Dad.”

He could feel Virgil stiffen besides him, how John’s fingers suddenly grew tight on his knee.

“He left us, he knew what could happen, he knew what it would do to us and he still left.”

“That was different, Allie.” A hoarse whisper crawled from Virgil’s lips. “He didn’t know it would happen.”

“But he knew it could. And so do you.”

Silence fell amongst the three brothers as they sat, lost in memory and possibility.

“Hey kiddo.”

Grandma. Her steady hand fell on his shoulder. He couldn’t look at her, frozen on the steps with Virgil crammed in on one side and John on the other.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, hurriedly wiping at his eyes which had welled with tears again.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, young man. Now up you get, don’t make me come down there with these knees.”

He stood and she wrapped him in a hug.

“Why did Dad do it? He knew how much he could hurt us if it went wrong. How could he risk that?”

“Your Dad knew what he’d put you through if he got killed. It wasn’t an easy decision for him after your Mom died. But knowing exactly how that felt, there was no way he could sit still and listen to people crying out for help, families who were set to lose as much and more than he did.”

Alan didn’t say anything, hunching over where he stood so that he was the same height as Grandma Tracy. She pulled him towards her and he leaned into her embrace.

“We go out when no-one else will, Alan,” said Virgil, steering him up the steps. “The people we save, they’d die without us. But you have to be the one to decide. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

“It’s not that I’m not ready,” insisted Alan as he was pushed onto the couch. “I know I am. John, you know I am too.”

“This isn’t about your flying or your commitment Allie.” John leaned over the back of the couch, staring at his hands. “This is about you doing the cost-benefit analysis. We can’t do it for you. You could save hundreds of people. You could also die.” He looked up at Alan. His eyes were serious and there was an unmistakable challenge behind them. “The question is, do you think that it’s worth it?”

“I–”

“Where is he?”

Scott burst into the room, grim stare in place and hair askew. He hurried over to Alan and crouched down in front of him, checking him over with a practiced eye.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine, Scott, I–”

“You,” he said, jabbing a finger up at John. “We’ll talk later.”

He pulled Alan into a crushing hug.

“Ugh, you stink.”

“Can it, sprout. You could have been killed. I’m getting my hug.”

“Give him a chance to breathe though, Scooter,” said Gordon. His lips quirked at the distaste on Alan’s face. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” said Alan.

“We’re just talking about what happened.” Virgil nudged Scott. “Let him go, he’s okay.”

Alan smiled weakly as Scott pulled away.

“How was it?”

“What the rescue?”

“Yeah.”

Scott glanced at Gordon.

“It was fine. We got them out.”

“Was it close?”

“It was fine.”

“Was it close?”

“It was closer than we’d like,” offered Gordon. “But we’re not injured and neither were the people who were trapped. But no risk, no reward, you know that.”

“Was it worth it?”

Gordon tilted his head to one side, brows furrowing as he looked between Alan and the rest of the family.

“Alan is just having a conversation with us about why you all do what you do.” Grandma patted the couch on her other side.  Scott grabbed at Virgil’s knee, levering himself upright with a groan and flopping down beside him.

“It’s always worth it,” said Gordon, tucking himself in next to Grandma Tracy. “If we didn’t do it, just think of how many people there’d be just gone. And how many more would be grieving. There’s no way I could sit back and know I could do something about it. It’s our responsibility to do everything in our power to help, that’s what I think.”

“Your Dad was just the same. Always thinking about the next best way he could help people. When he lost your Mom, suddenly he wasn’t only thinking about technology. All he could see were the people that came to help. The rescuers, the doctors, the nurses, true. But more than that, he saw an entire community pull together to get his family off that mountain. And he knew that all around the world there were people crying out for help, people who had no-one to reach them. He wouldn’t let it happen anymore.”

“Dad built a legacy on hope,” said Scott with a sad smile. “The Thunderbirds are great machines, but everyone who sees them isn’t pinning their hopes on a machine. They’re looking for a person, someone who’s willing to reach out their hand and throw them a lifeline.”

“Literally,” said Gordon with a grin.

“Listen Allie,” said Virgil. “There’s a million ways to help people, we’ve all seen them. We’ll be proud of you no matter what if you want a bit of time.”

“No, no I want to do this. Please. Let me help.”

“How did it feel today?” asked John abruptly.

“It was…” Alan paused. He thought back to the exhilaration as he put Thunderbird Three through her paces, outmanoeuvring the wily mine. He remembered the immense satisfaction and accomplishment as he shut it down for good. The buzz of doing something to be proud of, something useful with his years of training.

He straightened up, shoulders back and head high, full of the same determination that he had approached the mine with n-1 numbers available. There was no fear, only a calm acceptance to do what he must.

“I want to do it. But I don’t want to be alone up there. I’m not ready for that yet.”

Grandma Tracy’s eyes shone, pulling Alan towards her for a hug. John reached out and began rubbing his back gently, only to squawk as Gordon tugged him down and added the two of them to the hug. Virgil and Scott quickly followed suit.

“We’re proud of you kiddo,” murmured Grandma Tracy into Alan’s hair. “So proud. You did amazing today, sweetheart.”

“Thanks Grandma,” whispered Alan.

The family breathed and sighed as one, relaxing into the embrace.

Only to be broken by a commotion, as Virgil shoved Scott out of the group hug.

“Go shower,” he said with a pained look on his face. “Just… go.”

[breanime]

Snapshots

Request from @kind-wolf: I know, you probably got a lot of Billy requests, so, if you don't feel like it, just let me know. I totally understand! I also got an easter idea, but that's a bit too short term, so I don't want to bother you with it. Anyway... Imagine Billy and your wedding day/reception. Your friends present a picture show of times they walked in on the both of you in a compromising position. Over time it just became like an ongoing joke that they were never save from walking into something they did not really want to see. 😂 Maybe with little flashbacks similar to "A lifetime of memories". Thank you Darling!

I’m sorry it took so long, I didn’t want to start it until I was in the right mood. Thanks for the request! Warning: steamy situations! but only light steam...a fog, if you will...

*gif not mine*

The wedding was beautiful. No, it was better than beautiful; it was everything you’d ever wanted for your big day—and more. You were officially Mrs. Billy Russo. The wedding ceremony had been magical; Karen and Curtis had really outdone themselves to make it a memorable, classy event (Frank had…been present for the planning), and you couldn’t have been more grateful to them. The wedding had been so magical, so elegant; you felt like a princess as you walked down the aisle in Billy’s arms as your friends and family all clapped. It was like something out of a fairytale.

The reception, however, was different.

You and Billy were late to the reception because of…reasons. The guests had already been served and some people were dancing when you and Billy came back into the hall. You were greeted with applause and cheering, and you hoped that your guests couldn’t see the look of pure sin on your face as they took pictures of you and Billy. You were pretty sure they couldn’t, that is, until you looked over their heads and past the sea of faces to see the communal grin on Frank, Karen, and Curtis’ faces…

…they definitely knew. They always knew.

“Our friends are judging us,” you whispered to Billy through a tight smile.

He looked over at them, seated at the wedding party table. “I should think it’s weird that it seems like they always know when you orgasm, but all I can feel is pride. That’s weird, right?”

“Every word out of your mouth just now was weird,” you said back, rolling your eyes, “Look at how they’re looking at us. How do they always know?” Frank was grinning and raising his eyebrows suggestively while Curtis was saluting you both and Karen was making wildly inappropriate gestures (she made her left hand into a circle and used her right middle finger to penetrate it).

“Maybe they heard us,” Billy said, not sounding even a little remorseful—like usual. “You got pretty loud this time,” he squeezed your side—and even through all the fabric and lace, his touch warmed you to the core.

You elbowed him. “I was loud? You were the one who wouldn’t stop talking.”

He grinned. “Couldn’t help it,” he leaned over and kissed your forehead, “You looked so good,” he moved so he could speak directly into your ear, “Mrs. Russo.”

You felt yourself shiver. Dammit, how could you resist that? You couldn’t. You stood on your tippy toes (you had changed into flats) and kissed your husband. You felt Billy’s smile against your lips. Then you felt his tongue.

“Attention Mr. and Mrs. Russo,” Curtis’ voice was loud, and you saw him holding a microphone, “Please stop making out for two seconds and come into the next room, your wedding party has prepared a special presentation for you.”

You and Billy exchanged a look, neither of you able to keep a smile off your face. As much as you were happy to share your happiness with your family, you really only wanted Frank, Karen, and Curtis there. So the two of you followed them out of the main hall and into a side room. They had set up a projector and a screen at the front of the room, as well as a few chairs for you guys to sit in.

“Mr. and Mrs. Russo,” Curtis announced, “Please have a seat and allow us to share some of our favorite memories of your relationship… Karen?”

Karen stood up, effortlessly looking like a goddess in her Maid of Honor dress. She had a clicker in her hand. “I remember when you two first got together. Billy was plowing his way through New York City, and Y/N was pretty sure he was a certified douchebag—”

“—She was right, by the way,” Frank chimed in, making you all laugh.

“—And I remember when you started dating, and you straight up told Billy, and I’m quoting here, that your hoeing days were over, and you weren’t going to sleep with him until you’ve been dating for at least three months. And what was it that Billy said to you about that?” She asked with a smile.

You smiled back, remembering how his dark eyes had shone when he’d looked down at you and said: “‘I respect that’.”

“And then,” Karen turned towards the screen and pressed a button on the clicker, “this happened…”

Your mouth fell open as a picture of you and Billy came up on the screen—a picture that you thought you’d personally deleted years ago.

Billy was looking good. Like, he always looked good, but today he looked… Gooooooood. The A/C was out in your apartment, your landlord was a scumbag, and it was the start of summer, so Billy said he’d fix it for you.

Which is how he ended up shirtless in your apartment standing on a chair. You sat at the kitchen table, drinking lemonade as you stared at his bare back, eyes tracking the slight sheen of sweat that had appeared on his perfect body. It had been two weeks since the two of you had started seeing each other, and even though you’d known him for years, you had already learned so much about him that you never knew. You’d kissed, and there had been some heavy petting—you were dealing with Billy Russo, after all—but you were sticking to your guns. No sex.

But damn if he wasn’t making it hard for you.

There was a sudden clanging noise, and then the sound of air rushing. You stood up, about to thank Billy, when you got another look at him.

He was grinning, and the air was running through his hair and you could smell his manly scent and it was too much. You suddenly felt dizzy, and even though you had drunk almost an entire pitcher of lemonade, you were still thirsty as hell. “All done.” He said, his voice rich and way too sexy for just two ordinary words. He hopped down from the chair, graceful as an elk, and walked towards you.

“Thanks Billy,” you said, licking your lips because you wanted to lick his chest, “I… Um…” You wanted to focus on his face, but your eyes were glued to his chest. “I… you…”

Billy took another step closer to you, his grin had turned into a smirk. “What are you trying to say, sweetheart?”

You looked up at him; his dark eyes, his tousled hair, that damned smirk—it was too much. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him to you, opening your mouth and inviting his tongue in. Billy groaned against you, his hands going around your waist. Your hands went in two different directions: one in his thick, slightly sweaty hair, and the other one went beneath them. Turning your head slightly, you sucked on Billy’s tongue as he pressed himself closer to you, and you could feel him growing hard against you.

He pulled back a bit, breathing heavily. “While I appreciate the affection,” he said lowly, “maybe we should slow down…”

“Don’t want to,” you said, kissing him as you spoke, “Just want you.”

“Fuck,” he breathed out before lowering his mouth to your neck, “I want you, too. I want you so bad…” He sucked a bruise onto your neck before kissing you again, tongue sliding into your mouth with ease. He squeezed your ass, making you gasp into him. “But I want to respect your wishes,” he said, pulling back once more, “You said you wanted to wait…” He groaned when you kissed him again, pushing you back against the table and lifting you onto it. “I can wait,” he said, even as his hands were pushing up the skirt of your dress.

You giggled, rolling your head back as you enjoyed the feel of his long fingers on your thighs. His mouth immediately went to your neck, kissing and sucking on the skin. You put one of your hands on his shoulder, feeling the muscles there, and the other snaked down between you, palming his growing erection through his jeans. “You sure about that?” You teased.

Billy groaned again, and you were determined to hear that sound many more times after that. He kissed you again, but this time it was soft and slow and gentle. It was a promise. “For you,” he said, looking down at you with those deep, dark eyes, “I can wait.”

You felt yourself melt at his words. “I know you can,” you said softly, leaning in so your noses were touching, “but I don’t want you to. I want you to fuck me.”

That had been all you needed to say. Billy picked you up and laid you down on the couch, his tight muscles making the action effortless for him. You ran her hands up and down his bare back as he kissed you, pressing into you so you could feel his tantalizing hard-on. He pulled the top of your dress down, exposing your simple white bra, and you pushed your chest up, inviting him to kiss your breasts. He dropped his head down to do just that, and you moaned into his hair, encouraging him to keep going…

…until you heard the click of a camera.

You and Billy both looked up, pausing your actions. Karen and Frank were standing in the doorway—well, Frank was standing, Karen was crouched in front of the kitchen table with her phone out, a huge grin on her face. You sat up, pulling your dress back over you, while Billy—angrily pushing his hair back—crawled off of you.

“So this is waiting, huh?” Frank asked over the clicking of Karen’s camera, smirking at the two of you.

“It was something before you two barged in,” Billy grumbled, shifting on the couch. He had a very uncomfortable situation going on in his pants.

“This is—I told you this was gonna happen!” Karen said to Frank, standing and typing something in her phone.

“What—Karen, you better be deleting those pictures!” You cried out.

She grinned that evil little grin of hers. “I will, I promise… After I send these to Curtis…and Foggy…and Matt…”

“He can’t even see them!” You protested, feeling your chests grow warm.

“Yeah, but Foggy can describe them to his,” she answered with a shrug, “No worries, I’m sending them to you guys, too.” She raised an eyebrow. “Y’know…for the memories.”

“I can’t believe you,” you laughed, shaking your head. The picture Karen had projected was from that day; Billy, shirtless and glistening, was on top of you while your hands scratched at his back. Your head was thrown back and your eyes were closed in the picture, and Billy’s face was buried in your neck.

Billy put his arm around the back of your chair, laughing with you. “I should have known you’d still have this.”

“Yeah, you should have,” Karen agreed, walking over to her seat and passing the clicker to Frank without missing a beat, “I was surprised how long you held out before this happened, by the way,” she said, gesturing to the screen, “You really did try to respect her.”

“I respected the hell out of her that night,” Billy grinned back.

You laughed, rolling your eyes. You couldn’t even be embarrassed—Frank, Curtis, and Karen had walked into so many of your private moments with Billy, it was like an ongoing inside joke between the five of you. “Okay,” you leaned into Billy and looked over at Frank, “what do you have for us, Frankie?”

The Best Man grinned, looking happier and more relaxed than you’d seen him in years. You knew a huge part of that was the group therapy he was getting in Curtis’ group as well as his budding relationship with Karen, but you also knew another part of his joy was seeing you and Billy get married. “I’ve got a few more ‘memories’,” he said, clicking a button.

You groaned at the same time Billy leaned in, interested.

The first picture was of you on Billy’s lap, your back to the camera and Billy’s head—once again—buried in your neck.

“This was after Bill finally convinced me to take that training job at Anvil. I thought I was excited…” Frank grinned before changing it to the next slide.

A new image popped up of Billy pressing you up against a wall with his hand on your thigh.

“This was what I walked in on my first day at Anvil,” Frank explained.

“In his office, Russos?” Curtis asked, faux-appalled.

“We were christening it!” You argued.

“He’s supposed to christen it!” Karen said back.

“It’s not our fault Frankie moves too slow and can’t take a hint,” Billy grinned, raising an eyebrow at his best friend, “Is it, Frankie?”

Frank blushed. “Anyway,” he said, “I’ve got a few more…”

The few pictures were all from Anvil. Some of them were just of you and Billy making out in his office, others were of you just ogling him in the background while he was giving a speech or reprimanding an employee, and others were of you wrapped around Billy in his office, the elevator, the training room… You couldn’t help but laugh as you saw just how crazy you were about Billy playing in front of your eyes. You leaned into his shoulder, taking in his laughter and feeling so damn happy and unbelievably lucky.

“This is the last one I got,” Frank said, pushing the button.

This picture was of you sleeping on Billy’s bare chest on the couch. You hadn’t seen this one before, but you knew exactly when this had happened. Billy was looking down at you as you slept, and you felt your smile grow. He was looking down at you with such fondness, like you were the best thing in the world…

“Give me your phone,” Billy said, his voice leaving no room for argument.

You argued anyway. “Why?” You’d asked, clutching your phone to your chest.

“Because your boss is being a jackass and you’re working yourself into an anxiety attack. Gimme your phone.” Billy held his hand out. “Come on, Y/N.” Pouting, you handed your phone over to Billy. He put it in his pocket. “Now take your pants off.”

You grinned, obliging him. “I like where this is going…”

Billy chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s nap time, baby. Get on the couch.”

Frowning, you climbed onto the couch, lying on your back and staring at the ceiling in your shirt and panties. “Is this supposed to be relaxing?” You asked.

Billy sank to his knees on the floor beside you. “No,” he answered, a smirk on his face, “this is…”

Your mouth dropped open when you felt Bill’s mouth on your thighs, kissing the skin as his long fingers caressed you. You closed your eyes, sinking into the feeling. “Oh…” You sighed out.

“Mm hmm,” Billy said into your skin, “Just relax…”

You reached a hand out and put it in Billy’s hair, running your fingers though his dark locks while his kisses started to wander closer and closer to where you wanted them… You gasped when you felt his mouth on your underwear, his kisses pressing down into the already damp fabric. He rubbed his nose into you, and your hips stuttered upwards. “Billy!” You cried out, pulling his hair. Billy put one hand under your thigh, squeezing it as he used the other to push your underwear to the side.

“You’re already so wet, baby,” he said, the grin in his voice clear, “I’ve barely even touched you. Maybe this is too much.”

You sat up, glaring down at Billy. “Billy Russo, if you don’t—”

“—Alright, alright,” Billy’s grin was blinding, “Say no more.” He pressed his mouth against you, sucking right on your clit, making you moan loudly. He licked into you, making you jump, but he held you down. “Taste so good…” He murmured into you. “So sweet, baby…” His tongue lapped at you greedily, and you both moaned when he pressed two fingers into you.

“Billy,” you gasped again, “Yes! Please, don’t stop, don’t stop!”

“I won’t stop,” he promised, words muffled as he spoke directly into you, “Gonna make you cum.”

“Yes, please,” you begged, “Please, Billy, please!” You slipped your hand underneath his shirt, raking your nails against his skin. “Shirt,” you huffed out.

Billy laughed—he was used to your one-word commands. He pulled back and stripped his shirt off, throwing it across the room before diving headfirst back into you. You stared at the ceiling as Billy ate you out and fingered you, feeling all the tension in your body melt away. He doubled down on his actions, licking and sucking while his fingers—three now—pumped in and out of you. You looked down at him and saw his dark eyes watching you, taking in every twitch and moan and eyeroll as he made you come undone. You came, calling his name and pulling his hair. You kept your eyes closed as Billy got up, kissing you before grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch. You felt him pick you up and lay you back down, and you used his chest as a pillow.

“You relaxed now?” He asked lowly, running his hand up and down your back. He kissed the top of your head.

“Mm hmm,” you said, eyes still closed as you cuddled closer to him, “Very relaxed, thank you, baby.”

Billy’s chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Anytime, sweetheart….anytime.”

“This,” Frank looked behind him at the picture, “was when I knew for sure that Bill was in love with you. I knew he was crazy about you before this, but it wasn’t until I walked in and saw this that I knew that the Beaut was in love.”

“I was in love way before that,” Billy said, smiling down at you.

“I love you,” you said back.

“Booooo!” Curtis called.

“Get a room!” Karen shouted.

“And with that,” Frank said, chuckling, “You’re up, Curt.”

Curtis sauntered up to the front of the room to applause, giving a short bow when he took the clicker from Frank. “Now, I have several pictures of you two in all kinds of intimate positions that I could show here…but before I do, care to guess what I have?”

You raised your hand, earning a laugh from Curtis. “Do you have that picture of us in the car?” You asked, referring to the time Billy had taken you to see a show and you’d thanked him in the car outside of your apartment.

“I deleted that,” Curtis said, “figured it was basically porn and I didn’t want the government agent watching my phone to see it…”

“You know, Micro can take care of that for you.” Frank offered.

“Nah,” Billy said, “It’s from that time we tried to make pot brownies.”

“No no,” Karen shook her head, “I was there for that, remember?”

“You weren’t there the whole time,” Billy grinned.

“That’s not it,” Curtis said, “Guess again.”

You and Billy looked at each other, trying to think of the (many) times Curtis had walked in on the two of you.

“I’ll give you a hint,” he said, “think back on a time where the two of you were really, really happy and in love and all that gooey stuff… That’s what I have a picture of.”

You and Billy had just come back from a 5-day weekend at Martha’s Vineyard. Your apartment was getting fumigated, so all your stuff was at Karen’s place. Billy led you into his penthouse, hand in yours.

“I got you somethin’,” he said, turning and wrapping his arms around you.

“When?” You asked. “We’ve been together this whole time.”

“Before we left,” he leaned down and pecked your lips with his, “I… I wanted to give this to you, but…” He sighed, burying his face in your neck. “…If you don’t want it, I get it. It’s fine.”

You put your hands in his hair and kissed the side of his head. “Of course I want it,” you soothed him.

Billy pulled back, reaching into his pocket until he found what he was looking for. “I love you,” he said, dark eyes staring at you, “You make me so happy, I never thought I would have this in my life, and… I want to be with you all the time, so…” He pulled out a small silver key. “…I want you to move in with me—and if you’re not ready to, that’s okay. I just need—want—you to have this.” He put the key in your hand. “I mean, if you want…”

You tackled Billy in a hug, kissing him fiercely while he laughed into your lips. You held him close, hands in his hair as you licked into his waiting mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered, “Love you so much, baby…”

You wrapped your arms around his neck. “Show me.”

Billy had you on the counter with your legs spread in seconds, kissing and licking and sucking while his expert hands unbuttoned your shirt and pushed into your pants. You felt how hard he was against you, and you wanted nothing more than to feel that hardness inside of you. He was close, but you wanted him even closer. Hell—you needed him.

“Billy,” you sighed, leaning your head back as he sucked the skin of your neck.

“Y/N,” he growled back, snaking a hand between the two of you, “Baby…”

“Jesus!” Curtis’ voice brought you back to reality. “You two are worse than cats. Down!” He was standing in the doorway—Frank and Curtis both had access to Billy’s penthouse. He had a newspaper in his hand, which he rolled up and used to hit the both of you until you dropped down from the counter, laughing.

“Nah,” Billy shook his head, “I know exactly what you’re talking about, Curt.”

It had been 6 months since you’d moved in with Billy, and he had never been happier. He got to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep at night with you in his arms. He got to be there for you when you were sick or tired and stressed, and you were there for him. He smiled, pulling you closer to him again as you lie in bed together.

He could do this forever, holding you to him, sitting in a comfortable silence as you dozed on his chest. He stared down at you; Billy loved watching you sleep, loved thinking of what your dreams could be about, hoped you were dreaming of him. Billy looked up when he heard a soft knock on the door.

“You two decent?” Curtis said from the other side of the door.

Billy laughed softly; he was only wearing a pair of black briefs, and you were wearing an old Anvil shirt—you were as decent as you were going to get. “Come in,” he said. You slept like the dead, so he wasn’t worried about waking you up.

Frank and Curtis came in—Curtis had his hands over his eyes and Frank had his eyes closed but his phone out. Billy heard a click.

“C’mon man,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Frank looked over at him with a lopsided grin, putting his phone in his pocket. “Karen is making me—and I’m quoting here—document the sexy.” He explained. “She alight?” He pointed over to you.

Billy kissed your forehead. You were out like a light: his little heavy sleeper. “Mm hmm.” He wanted to look back over at the guys, wanted to see what they needed—he loved his brothers, he loved talking with them—but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Your eyelids were fluttering, and your pretty mouth was slightly open, breathing softly. He had made love to you the night before, kissing every inch of your skin and giving all of him to you, trying to make you feel just how much he adored you. “…She’s perfect.”

“Wrong again,” Curtis said cheerfully, pressing the clicker with a flourish. “This is the happiest I’ve ever seen you guys!”

Karen and Frank clapped and cheered as the photo popped up on the screen. You shrieked, covering your face as Billy laughed beside you. On the screen was a picture of you in your wedding dress with your leg wrapped around Billy’s waist. You were kissing, and both of you looked blissful and happy.

“When did you even take this?” You asked between laughter.

“I came to find you,” Karen said, “which of course was such a dangerous mission that Frank had to accompany me—”

“—and Curt had to accompany me,” Frank added.

“—and we happened to have the poor luck to walk in on this little scene,” Curtis finished.

You looked over at Billy, who had a wide smile on his face as he looked at the picture. “I want this printed out and framed.” He said.

You put your head on his shoulder, and he dropped a kiss to your forehead. “Yeah,” you agreed, “we do look happy, don’t we?”

“That’s something that all these pictures have in common,” Karen said.

“That and the fact they could all be considered soft core…” Frank said with a smirk.

“You two love each other, and make each other happy,” Karen elbowed Frank in the side as she spoke, “and we couldn’t be happier for or prouder of you both.”

“We saved this whole show on a CD for you too, so you can play it over and over again,” Curtis said, “not that you’ll need to. I’m sure we’re gonna have many more moments like these as you live your blissfully wedded life.”

“I guarantee you will,” Billy said proudly.

You laughed, cuddling closer into Billy’s side. You wanted to disagree, but you knew he was right. Who could blame you—you couldn’t keep your hands off of your husband. And to be honest…

…you were looking forward to a brand-new slideshow presentation on your 1-year anniversary. You’d be sure to give Frank, Karen, and Curtis as much ammunition as they needed—for the sake of happy memories, of course.

You smiled as Billy put two fingers under your chin and brought your face to his, kissing you slow and sweet. You opened your mouth and let his slip his tongue in, feeling a heat pool low in your stomach. You put a hand on his thigh, feeling the hard muscle and wanting nothing more than to rip his clothes off and take him then and there. And you would have, too…

…if you hadn’t heard the click of a camera.

****************************************************************************************

I wanted to put a gif of him walking around in one of his suits, but that smile... That’s totally his face as he’s watching the slideshow. Ugh! Thanks for reading! I have to go back to work tomorrow, so please leave comments if you enjoyed this so I can see them when I wake up! :)

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #234

“don’t take care of me - be scared of me.”

Does it bother you when people beg? I mean, it depends on the consistency, intensity, and the subject. Do you ever eat cookie dough raw? I have, but salmonella will punish me some day. Are you one of those people who are always cold? I am the exact opposite. When was the last time you rode a rollercoaster? Pf, never. Don't want to. Do you like hot dogs? I hate the fact that I love them lol. Do you have any weird rings? I wouldn't consider any "weird," no. Have any bad addictions? Ugh, caffeine. Are you anything like your siblings? I am very, very different from my two immediate sisters. Ma says I'm extremely similar to Katie, my half-sister, though it's odd because we don't seem to agree on very much? I don't even think she likes me. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Literally not since like... February. It's not like anybody but family sees my legs anyway. It's just stupid societal expectations for a woman, and I've never been prone to obeying those to begin with. Do you like long bike rides? I used to LOVE riding my bike when I lived in the woods/by an almost-dead road, but I haven't that in... god, years. I don't even have that bike anymore. My knees would never, EVER survive riding one right now. Do you know someone who is blind? My sister is in one eye, but I can't remember which. Do you have a YouTube account? how else would I like every Mark video in existence and I wish I was kidding?????????????? How many cell phones have you had? No clue. Not many. Maybe like, four or so. When was the last time something bothered you? Yesterday 'cuz I was getting weird fuckin phone calls. Do you ever try free samples at the store? Sure, if they seem like something I'd like. Can you speak French or Spanish? No. What school year do you think will be/was the saddest? 8th. Anxiety and depression were getting bad, puberty was A Thing, confused about life in general and why all this sadness and fear was happening to me. Do you like boys with long hair? I mean this depends on the person, but in general, yes. I think I prefer it over shorter, in most cases. Have you ever had plum juice? No, but that sounds decent. If I can even remember what a plum tastes like... I loved them as a kid, haven't had one in like, years. Have you ever passed out? Once, almost twice not long after the first time. Was today someones birthday that you know? No. Have you drank any water today? A little bit. When was the last time you had a crowd at your house? Holy shit. Probably not since we MOVED here in '17. Are you worried about anything right now? When aren't I at least a bit worried about something, really. Are you keeping anything from your best friends right now? No. Do you currently have any mosquito bites? Not currently. A- blood, hell yeah man. Do you have Twitter? Yes. Literally to like. um. one somebody's stuff. If you found out you were pregnant, who would you tell? God FUCKING forbid. Obviously my family. Sara. If it was from consensual sex, I'd tell friends eventually. If it was, uh, any other way, probably not EVEN some family because there are some that would probably never speak to me again if I got an abortion. Is your driveway stone or pavement? Stone. Have you ever caught something on fire? Yeah. Y'know, s'mores, sparklers, wood when making a bonfire or something. Regular stuff. How many people have you kissed in a car? One or two. Idr if Sara and I ever have. Do you and your best friend have an inside joke? "buzzfeed" Do you have a gym membership? Not anymore. How long was your last shower? Not even ten minutes. Get clean and get out. What is your favorite color fingernail polish? I think red tends to be the prettiest. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be of? Man, don't ask me this. I have a billion ideas. If I had the money for it though, I'd probably finally get this (Denialism) as a tat on my left upper arm next. It's like, my favorite drawing ever, and I've already gotten the artist's permission. What is the best fast food place, in your opinion? Sonic has had my heart lately. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? I just generally like vibrant and/or light blue eyes, but I really don't care about someone's eye color. What is your mom’s maiden name? Yeah, let's share that on the Internet. Would you rather receive balloons or flowers for valentine’s day? Flowers. Balloons are nothing but waste and wind up as litter anyway. Do you follow the crowd when it comes to trends or do your own thing? Do my own thing. Trends 'n shit don't matter to me; I don't care how "cool" or "uncool" something is. I like what I like. What is your worst bad habit? Assuming the worst of absolutely everything within .01 seconds. Do you believe in happily ever after? No. Things aren't always gonna be happy, sorry. What is your average phone bill? I don't know, Dad pays it. Which is better: chapstick or lip gloss? Chapstick. Have you ever been proposed to? No. Do you take certain medicine on a daily basis? A decent number. Have you ever seen two people together and you got sick to your stomach? I remember seeing a picture of Jason and his girlfriend after me once after they got together and I. Don't know how to describe that feeling. I think I felt more murderous than anything. Do you prefer laptops or desktop computers? Laptops for portability's sake. Have you ever had a really bad haircut? Looking back, the haircut I had before this one wasn't great. Only at some angles did it look good. I mean I don't regret it though, it's how I realized I think I'd like short hair. Did you ever order any clothes from the Alloy catalog? Never heard of them. What brand, color, and type is your favorite eyeliner? I love black eyeliner, but I don't have any favorite brands. I hate liquid, though. My hands aren't steady enough for that, and it's just messy. What’s your favorite type of yogurt? Meh, not a big fan. Idk. Do you have any overdue library books right now? No. Do you have a piggy bank? No. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? Nope. Do you own plaid pants? No. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? Yeah, through all of middle school. What was your high school’s mascot? A firebird. Who were your best friends in high school? I had various ones. Excluding The Ex, there was Hannia, Alon, Megan, Maria, Girt... There was a few. Have you ever been to Chicago? Once, with Sara and her dad. At night. And the lights and cars and shops and towers and everything was too much for my rural ass. I'm not a city person, but because it was SO different and just incredible in scope and all, I still thought it was absolutely beautiful and so exciting. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. When my sister and I were little and shared a room though, I almost always had the top bunk. As I got older though, that inverted. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I THINK Aaron did once, but I can't remember for sure. Are you close with your cousins? No. Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Not especially, but only because, like my cousins, I pretty much never see them. Are you close to your grandparents? All but one is dead, and that one is dying. Barely knew any, save for my remaining grandmother, and we've never gotten along well/agreed on much, but I mean, I still care for her. I also pretty much never saw her. Who betrayed your trust? Plenty of people. Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? Brianna. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? I don't know. Probably play make-believe or go swimming. What kind of popcorn is your favorite? Normal with butter and salt. Does your town have a big fountain in it? The next town over does. What is your town known for? "You mean Tennessee?" Don't think that's too much of a giveaway. What’s one way in which you’re still a child? I am very dependent on Mom. What’s one way in which you’re old? My knees are at least 107. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? gooooooood take me to get a tatTOOOOOOO What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? Mom buying tickets to the Ozzy concert next year alksdjfalwe. I've been losing my fucking mind since the new single came out and album was announced. Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? I'm not a vengeful person at all, really. I tend to forgive. Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? English has always been a breeze, and usually science. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? Just about anyone looks better with dyed hair to me. I just like colorful, interesting hair. Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Yes. I was born dirty blonde. Do you own an American flag shirt? No. Do you own a British flag shirt? No. Do you have a seashell collection? No. We used to have a box of them, though. Do you have a rock collection? No. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just chill. Casually swim around aimlessly. Cacti or seashells? Hmmmm. I think seashells, but that's tough. Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? MAN, this depends on the design. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? The only one I have that I consider the absolute *perfect* moment was at Ashley's gender reveal when she and her husband found out the baby is a girl. Her face especially is priceless. What color was your first car? N/A Was your first car used or new? N/A What was the last thing you said in complete caps? HAHAHA I sent Sara a fucking CURSED picture of Pennywise as a good morning text. Do you enjoy playing board games? Not really. Are you good at playing Hide and Go Seek? I guess I was as a kid. I'm sure I wouldn't be now. Elephants can't really hide. :^) Do you live in an apartment or a house? A house. Is there a music artist that never ceases to amaze you? As far as truly *amaze* goes, probably Amy Lee. Her voice is just fucking incredible. What is your favorite term of endearment? Probably "love." Or "dear." I dunno. Do you like Twizzlers? NO. They're gross as hell. Do you sneak in candy/soda when you go to the movies? Yeup. Fuck those prices. What was the last song you had on repeat? I adore Ozzy's new "Under The Graveyard" beyond words and so have been binging it like mad since yesterday lmao. Where are your favorite pair of jeans from? I don't have jeans. Do you tap your foot when you listen to music? No. If I respond to it in any voluntary way, I'll most likely be tapping my hand with the beat. Will you get your hair cut anytime soon? I need to, yeah. I hate when my hair starts getting long enough to curl a tad upwards in the back. Are you uncoordinated? VERY. Have you ever listened to Jane’s Addiction? I know and enjoy "Jane Says" and "Been Caught Stealing." What’s the worst thing you’ve ever experienced? Heartbreak. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? I dunno, there's a lot. Do you write “Dear Diary” when you write in your diary? I don't have a diary. I don't think I ever did. What is your escape from your problems? Music, playing WoW, stuff like that. Just give me a distraction. Do you watch YouTube videos a lot? Literally every day throughout the day. It's at least background noise. Do you have an embarrassing period story? No, thankfully. Would your life be at risk if someone knew everything about you? No. Is your life at risk? I mean, more than like by disease, some psycho, an accident, shit like that, no? Do you feel safe in your hometown? No. Never did. I miss our house and the childhood memories, but that place was dangerous. Where do you dream of moving to? The mountains of NC. What fascinates you more: outer space or the bottom of the ocean? Space. Have you ever seen a UFO? I guess by the definition of "unidentified flying object," yes, but I think it was some sort of natural phenomenon with a star, not an alien. Maybe. Does anyone encourage you to go after your dreams? Yeah. :') What is the stupidest thing anyone’s ever said to you? "i'Ll AlWaYs LoVe YoU, bRiTtAnY!" What’s the most amount of weight you’ve gained from a medication? LET'S. FUCKING. NOT. Do you name inanimate objects? No. What do you think the constellations mean? "Nothing? Just humanity reaching to ascribe some type of meaningfulness to the world around them." <<<< This, I like this. Did you like the venue your senior prom was held at? I mean it was at the local college's gym. Nothing special. Which spelling do you like best: Hayley, Hailey, or Haley? Hm, I think "Hailey." Which name is better: Hailey, Bailey, Kailey, or Shailey? Ummmmm I think "Kailey." Are you mad at someone? I'm always going to be mad to a degree. Do you feel like your life was stolen from you? I guess in a way by mental illness? Do you have a professional camera? Yeah. What would you change about your hair? Ugh, I want to COLOR it. I really want silver hair atm. When was the last time you changed your hairstyle? Last year. Do you like rose gold? I love it. What’s your favorite color gummy bear? I don't... care? Oh wait, maybe green. Those normally have an apple kinda feel, right? Or do they all thaste the same? What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex’s body? I like s h o u l d e r b l a d e s. Have you ever made up/sang a song for someone you cared about? Only ever poems. Ever had a song sang about/for you? I mean, I've had like songs /dedicated/ to me, but never actually made for me specifically. What is your middle name? Marie. Like every other white girl known to man. What do you smell like? My house, I guess? Ever hurt yourself playing Wii? I don't believe so. Do you have freckles? Not on my face, but random ones on the rest of my body, yeah. Can you do the alphabet in sign language? No. Do you like your feet? I seriously hate feet. That includes mine. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? uhhhhhhhhh Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shorty" instead of "girl"? Ugh no, thank Christ. Have you ever sent an embarrassing moment of yours into a mag to be printed? No. What IS your most embarrassing moment? I've told it before but now I don't remember it??? What’s the last thing to make you scream? Like a small, quick one, I think a loud noise scared me. I've been extremely sensitive to those lately and idk why??? Do your parents knock before coming in, or just barge on in? My door's never really closed, but when it is, Mom doesn't. Dad does. Do you think you’re more cute or sexy? BOY neither. Do you own any mini skirts? Bitch I wish I could wear mini skirts but I would blind people with my body rn. Do you draw little hearts and stuff with eyeliner next to your eyes? Nah. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever lost? Good question, idk. Has your mom ever lied to you? Yeah. Do you have a deep voice? It's definitely deep for a girl, but it's not like, manly. When’s the last time someone made breakfast for you? I guess the last time I was out for breakfast? Idr. When someone knocks on the door, who do you think it is? A mailman/woman. No one else comes here unexpectedly. Has anyone ever licked your foot? UM NO Do you play games with boys/girls, like "hard to get"? I never did and never will. I'm definitely not easy, but I don't play games. Oh wait, unless we're already a serious couple and I'm sexually being a tease. Hobby. When’s the last time someone told you they were in love with you? Some time back. Is there a Sonic where you live? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM- Do you smile with your teeth? Usually. What do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni, jalapenos, sausage... stuff like that. I'm WEAK for meat lovers pizza sobs heavily in wanna-be vegetarian Do you know anyone who lives in Newfoundland? No. How ‘bout Alberta? No. Anyone in Canada at all? Yeah, a friend's ex. She's cool. If you could trade houses with a friend, who would it be? I wouldn't damn anyone with this house, lol. I mean it's not bad, it just has its issues. Are you a good person to come to for advice? It depends on the subject we're talkin' here. Do you sleep naked? No. I'd feel so vulnerable. Favorite place you've been: Through the NC mountains. Which of your Facebook friends lives closest to you? UHHHHHHHHH how do I not know this?? When was the last time you cried? Idr, actually. Who took your profile pic? Where? What’s your favorite season? Autumn. What was the last book you read? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Fucking read it. Are you a good influence? This also depends on the area of focus. Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Sweet and savory do noooot mix in my world.

[loudsuitlover]

College Harry

“Hey, Fair Lady.” Styles smiled smugly as he walked inside the Starbucks where you worked to get his every day order. 

You had grown used to his frat boy’s self-centered flirty behaviour by then and it didn’t really bother you anymore. As a matter of fact, you would be lying if you said you didn’t wait for him when you were on your morning shift. He had started calling you Fair Lady ever since you sat next to him on the only class you had together because he remembered that you had played Eliza Doolitle in the annual play of your Uni the year prior, when you were a fresman. You wondered if he treated Maggie- the girl who worked on the bar when you weren’t working- the same way he treated you. He probably did, you decided, for you knew he did flirt with any female on his way. He had quite the reputation. 

You didn’t come back with a witty reply as you usually did that day though. No, because you were stressed to death. You did not know what you were going to do for the life of you and the thing was your so very competitive cousin Kylie was coming to campus to visit you for the weekend.  

“Y/N?” Harry asked with a teasing smile widening his lips. “Where did you go?” 

He was chuckling at you. You sighed frowning, thoughts about Kylie still running through your mind as you had a look at him. He was wearing a white cotton shirt with short black sleeves and his signature black tight jeans. He looked good. You on the other hand, had your hair worn up in a messy ponytail and looked stressed under the green Starbucks apron. Only he thought you looked cute. 

“Sorry, I was out of it.” You told him. “Do you need anything else, Harry?” You smiled, handing him his coffee and a free biscuit that you only gave to special clients- those being the ones you liked. 

He shook his head. 

“No, thank you. I was just asking if you were coming to our party on thursday night.” He smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“No.” You said. 

“Hey! And why not? You can’t have anything better to do! It’s on a thrusday.” 

“Your assumption that I wouldn’t have plans is nearly offensive but I’ll just say that anything- even Netflix and chill- is better than going to some lame frat house party.” You smiled and he laughed at your backlash. He loved it. 

“You know when people say netflix and chill they don’t actually mean watching movies right?” He teased, getting closer to you so he could whisper that. 

You shook your head and bit back a smile as he walked away, leaving a generous tip for you. 

Jess had taken over your dorm to be able to do her makeup without having to deal with Annoying Alice, her roommate whom she hated. You were lying on your bed looking at her as you tried to decide on a movie. Thrusday night had arrived sooner than you expected and Kylie was to come the next day. By then you had decided on telling her that your boyfriend, the one that you had told her about when she was making you sick at Christmas bragging about her gorgeous man, had gone to visit his family in Nevada. There were many things that could describe that boyfriend of yours, such us fictitious, but hey sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. 

“Are you seriously not coming?” Jess asked as you laid back on your mattress.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” You chuckled.

“Come on, Y/N! I mean hello? Harry Styles is flirting with you, girl! Get your lazy ass out of the bed and go to this fucking party.”

“Because my life revolves around Harry Styles.” You said sarcastically. 

He had sent you a snapchat then, a selfie with the caption you better come that made you laugh. You sent him a picture of your laptop with netflix opened. He sent you a selfie very funny. 

“I am just saying” She shrugs “You are smiling like it actually excites you.” 

“He’s just playing.” You rolled your eyes. “And so am I.” 

“I can’t believe you’re going to let me go alone to this party.” She dramatically complained as you pushed her out of your room. “You know what going alone means? It’s like a direct social suicide, don’t you mind?” 

“Have fun.” With that you closed the door on her face bitting down a smile. 

Harry was resting the lower part of his back against the counter and having a beer as people kept arriving. He couldn’t stop glancing at the door, hoping you were just teasing him and would actually appear. He would never admit it- and in fact he hated even thinking about it- but you had something on him. 

He had met you last semester in a class you both passed so now you didn’t share any more lectures so that’s why he started going to Starbucks every monday, tuesday and wednesday morning so he could hang out for you if it were only for those fifteen minutes. He liked that you flirted back to him but had him on his toes, never quite giving him all the attention he wanted. It was as if you didn’t care and you might as well not care for all he knew but despite that- no matter how much he was thinking about you lately- you were friends. You were probably the first girl he’s had a friendship despite the physical attraction for the thing wasn’t that he didn’t have girl friends. He did, in fact Louise was his best friend, but he felt in no way attracted to her whatsoever despite her being a beautiful girl whereas with you... All he had to do was think of you with your wet hair after a shower to have him going. 

He started looking for you the moment your friend Jess walked in the house but he frowned when he realized she came there alone. He snatched a quick picture of her looking for someone and snapchatted you what sort of friend leaves their friend alone? he wrote. Go talk to her you texted back over a pic of your popcorn. That looks cosy he sent you a picture of his kitchen. Jess is pretty anyway, a selfie of you crossing your eyes. Mmm Irresisitble. 

He wouldn’t admit it but he was disappointed. For some reason, the idea of seeing you outside of Uni, wearing something other than the green Starbucks apron had him excited. He imagined you would wear your hair down, maybe some makeup, a dress; but he would also liked you if you were wearing jeans and a sweater as you usually went to your lectures. He just wanted you there really. 

You were halfway through The Perks of Being a Wallflower when Harry dared to do it. He had been thinking about texting you with no jokes involved for a while now. He could blame the alcohol then he thought for if he texted you something out of line and he wasn’t clearly teasing, you could take it the wrong way and he could ruin whatever it was that you two had but he could blame the alcohol then. 

Miss you x 

Your mouth was stuffed with popcorn as you read his Snap. It was a picture of his thigh and surprisingly enough there was no girl sitting on it. You had seen it a lot, when you were a freshman and he had a different girl on his leg at every party you attended to. Of course he hadn’t even noticed you back then- why would he? But everyone knew who Harry Styles was so so did you. 

You swallowed. What did you answer to that? Was he just messing around? He was probably just joking. He was Harry Styles for crying out loud. You received a call from Jess as you held the phone in your hands still thinking what to say back to him. 

“Hello, Y/N?” Some guy you didn’t recognize asked.

“Yeah? Who’s this? Where’s Jess? Is she okay?” 

“Hi, my name is Niall.” He said. “Jess is okay, don’t worry, she’s just had too much to drink and I thought it would be best if I called a friend of hers? I really think she should go home.” He said. 

“Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I’ll go pick her up.” You stood up from your bed, putting on your jeans as you held the phone with your shoulder. “Where are you?” 

“We’re at the frat house.” She said. “I saw some guy took her into a room but she wasn’t even walking straight so... I just got her out of there.” 

“Fuck.” You cursed as you put on your vans. “Thank you, mate.” You told him. “She’ll appreciate that. So where is she now? Can I talk to her?” 

“Yeah, sure.” The guy had a thick Irish accent what made you think you had never talked to him before, you’d remember. “Jess, this is your friend Y/N. She wants to talk to you, okay? I’ll hold your hair.” 

Fuck it Jess must be really pissed. You heard as she puked, then the sound of her legs against the floor and then she sighed on the phone. 

“Thank you.” She whispered, surely to Niall and not to you. 

“Are you okay?” You asked as you left the room, your key and wallet in your hand. “Jess, are you safe? Do you know this guy?” 

You can never be too careful. 

“Hi, Y/N.” She blurred. “Don’t worry. Niall is gooooooood.” Hiccup. “He saved me which makes him a hero.” She said. Fuck she was hammered.

“Okay, listen to me, Jess.” You said sternly. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. In the mean time, you go to the living room or the kitchen or any place with lots of people around, yeah?” 

“But I’m throwing up.” 

“That’s okay.”  You reassured her. “But I don’t want you to be alone with a guy you don’t know in this state okay? No matter how nice he seems.” 

“Oh, that’s fine.” She reassured you. “Harry missed you by the way.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Can I talk to Niall now sweetie?” 

“Sure.” She said. 

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” You lied, just in case. “Thanks for calling. We owe you big time.”

“No problem.” He said. “I’ll stay with her.” 

“Thank you.” 

The minute you hang up- and while you ran as fast as you could towards the frat house because of course your car wasn’t working at the moment- you called Harry for the first time in all the time you had known him. 

“Hey.” If you hadn’t been so nervous you would have heard the smirk on his voice. 

“Hey Harry.” You breathed. “I need you to do me a favour, please.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Calm down, Y/N. What’s wrong? Were are you? Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes. It’s not about me.” You told him. “It’s about Jess. Somebody called saying she’s had too much to drink but Jess doesn’t drink, Harry. She has diabetes.” You cried. “So I think someone must have drugged her and-”

“Where is she? Do you know where she is? Who called you?”

“A guy.” You said. “His name was Niall.” 

“Thank God.” He sighed. “She’s okay, Y/N. I know him. He’s a friend.” 

“Really?” You stopped your running for you felt your lung was going to jump out of your throat. “He won’t hurt her?” 

“No, no, I’m a hundred percent sure. Don’t worry, okay?” He soothed you and you nodded even if he couldn’t see you. “Now where are you?” 

“I’m on my way to the house. I’m picking her up.” 

“You’re running to the house?” He asked. “You live like 25 minutes away.” 

“I know.” You breathed. “But my car is broken and I didn’t have time to get an Uber or anything.” 

“How far are you? Do you want me to pick you up?” 

“You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“Shit.” He cursed. “I can ask Louise. She doesn’t drink.” 

“No.” You told him. “That’s fine, I’m 10 minutes away anyway. Can you please find Jess and stay with her until I arrive? I know Niall is a friend but... I would feel better if I know she’s with you.” 

“Sure. I’ll go find her and call you when I do, yeah? Call me if there’s anything you need though.” 

“Thank you, Harry.” 

“No problem.” 

He called Niall the second you hang up and he told him they were still in the bathroom upstairs. He ran up the stairs and almost flinched when she saw the state Jess was in. She was sitting down on the floor, her skin was pale and covered in sweat and she was trembling. Niall was standing next to her, keeping a close eye on her. 

“Shit, mate.” Niall said. “As soon as her friend comes pick her up I’m going to beat the shit out of whoever did this to her.” 

“Did you see him?” Harry asked. 

“Yeah. I basically pulled her away from the prick.”

Jess threw up again and Harry creased his nose, the stink of alcohol was disgusting. You had said Jess didn’t drink because she has diabetes but her puking over the toilet said otherwise. 

“Fucking hell, Jess.” Harry kneeled down next to her and held her hair away from her sweaty forehead. “Did you have anything to drink, sweetheart?” 

“Hell yeah, Haz! What sort of question is that? Can’t you fucking see her?” 

“She doesn’t normally drink, Niall.” Harry explain patiently. “She has diabetes.” 

“I don’t know.” Jess cried. “I never drink, I swear but I don’t know what happened. I was feeling okay and then... I don’t know.” She cried. 

“Okay.” Harry rubbed her back. “Let’s say you have drunk. What do you need to do when that happens?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve never done it so I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know why you’re not supposed to drink, love?” 

She turned her head towards the toilet and puked again. Harry should probably call you and ask you what to do but he didn’t want to worry you anymore than you already were. He knew you had been worried for a few days, he had told, so he didn’t know if you would just full on cry on his phone if he were to tell you. 

“Find Louise.” He told Niall. 

You were now walking faster but you couldn’t run anymore. You were barely four minutes away and Harry wasn’t answering your texts. You felt awful and now Harry’s teasing text from before seemed to haunt you what sort of friend leaves their friend alone? And he was right,  what sort of person does that? You had betrayed it- that secret silent agreed code between girls- of never leaving one of us alone, always going together to the bathroom. There was a reason for that and it was this and it had hit you in the face and now Jess was suffering having the worst best friend in the world. 

Louise made it to the bathroom with a worried expression on her face. She was on her last year of nursing school so she managed to bring some calm to that bathroom once she collected her thoughts. 

“What happened?” She asked Harry as she took Jess’ temperature and pulse. 

“She has diabetes and she probably got drugged and then drank or different order. She doesn’t remember but I mean smell this- she drank.” He nodded. 

“Okay. We need food.” She told Niall. “And water. The food, the more sugar the better, so chocolate or sweets, even candy. If there’s none, fruits or bread.” She said to Niall and he nodded making his way to the kitchen and asking people for help. “Hello, sweetie.” Louise rubbed her back. “Do you have anything to measure your blood glucose with you?” She smiled at her and she nodded, reaching for her bag. 

Louise took the monitor and pricked her finger while Harry just sat there dumbfounded. She sighed after a few seconds. 

“Thank God.” She breathed out. “She can eat and she’ll be fine.” 

“I got Coke, chocolate and Y/N.” Niall said as he opened the door. 

You started crying again the moment you saw her sitting on the ground, the stink of alcohol didn’t even bother you as you sat on your knees next to her, you didn’t even look at Harry not because you weren’t grateful but because you were too worried about Jess and because you were terribly embarrassed. He was right. 

“She’ll be okay.” Louise smiled at you. “She just had hypoglycemia because of the alcohol but it was nothing too crazy so she shall eat and she’ll be fine, just like any of us really.” 

“Thank you.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Thank you all, really.” You looked around you and Harry smiled dismissing your gratitude. 

“I think you should take her to the hospital though.” Louise said. “So they can have blood samples and find out which drug they used on her in case she wants to sue the asshole who did this. Usually this kind of drugs disappear very fast from the blood so I’d take as soon as she’s feeling better.” 

“Sure.” You said. “Thank you again really.” 

“No worries.” She smiled, placing her hand on your arm. “And Harry can give you my number in case she does decide to sue him and needs a witness. I’ll be there.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me.” She shook her head. “It could have been me or... Anyone.” 

Four hours later Jess was sitting on the litter pressing a piece of cotton to her arm where the doctor had pricked her. She had filled the report and you were currently waiting for the police to arrive so you could make it official. Jess was so much better and you had noticed Niall had had a lot to do with that. 

You were sitting on one the chairs on the waiting area on your own for Harry had gone to get you both a good cup of coffee. He had driven you to the hospital for by the time you had left he was sober enough but you hadn’t exchanged much words. You were still feeling awful and you didn’t want him to see you. Somehow you blamed yourself a little for what had happened, after all Jess had insisted a lot about you going to the party and sure she was an adult and blablabla but she was also your best friend and you were supposed to take care of her. 

Harry walked to the waiting room with two plastic cups of coffee on his hands. He didn’t know how to approach you or how to talk to you because now that he came to think about it, he was always teasing you and you would always reply with a witty comeback, it was always a laidback enviroment and he didn’t know how to act when it was actually serious but he knew he wanted to be there and the thought of not being him the one silently sitting next to you or bringing you a cup of coffee, the jealousy that came with thought of it being someone else gave him the reassurance he needed to stay. 

“Thanks.” You said, holding the cup between your hands. 

Kylie had just sent you a text, that she wouldn’t make it on friday, that she would probably arrive Saturday for brunch. Nice. Kylie was the last of your worries then anyway. 

“You’re very quiet.” You mentioned and Harry raised his eyebrows surprised that you’d talk to him. 

“Frankly I just don’t know what to say.” He shrugged and you chuckled making him smile because he had made you smile if unintentionally.

“Who would have thought huh? Harry Styles having nothing to say.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He hit your arm playfully. “You’re also very quiet Miss I-became-a-barista-because-I-wouldn’t-shut-up.” 

“That’s a long name for a miss.” You smiled and he chuckled. 

“Yeah, I should have just probably said Miss Chatty.” 

You smiled and snorted through your nose having a sip of your coffee and he nudged your knee with his gently when he sensed you were about to submit again in your penitential silence. He had known something was troubling you since monday morning when he had visited you on the coffee shop. 

“What’s up?” He asked gently. 

His green eyes stared into yours, gentle, trustworthy. You had never talked to him about real things and when you came to think about it, you didn’t really have many people to talk to about real things other than Jess in Uni. For some reason, even though your conversations had always been on a joking note, you felt like you could trust him.

“I’m just embarrassed.” You recognized. 

“What for?” He frowned. 

“I feel like I’m a terrible friend, like I just failed Jess and... I just don’t want you to see that.” 

“What?” He turned his body so he was facing you inasmuch as the chairs allowed. “That is not true.” He placed his hand over your arm. “You’re a good friend. She kept saying that. Over and over again and I believe her, yeah?” 

“What sort of friend leaves their friend alone?” You reminded him before looking ahead. 

He sighed and placed two fingers on your chin, pulling your head so you were looking into his eyes. 

“That was a joke.” He said. “This was not your fault. In any way.” 

You nodded your head and readjusted your position on the chair so you could rest your head on his shoulder. Again, you had never done such a thing. The physical contact between the two of you was reduced to playful swatting, nudging or legs touching as you sat in class but that was all yet for some reason, it didn’t feel wrong to rest your head on his shoulder then and it didn’t feel wrong either when he turned his head and left a kiss on the top of yours. 

“I’m sure you had your reasons for not coming.” He whispered. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, something’s off.” He shrugged, forgetting about your head there so it moved up and down with his shoulder. “I can tell.” 

You sat down straight, looking ahead at the way Jess was smiling to Niall, him being the one pressing the cotton against her arm now. You liked Niall and apparently so did she. 

“It’s nothing.” You told him, because in that moment it really was nothing, compared to everything else. 

“Well, you can talk to me.” He offered. “Even if it is about nothing.” 

You faced him just so you could give him a big smile. You certainly didn’t know this side of Harry and you quite liked it. It seemed like the cocky frat boy had a sweet, caring side as well and the fact that he had such nice friends said a lot about it too. 

“This coffee is terrible.” You shook your head with a laugh. 

“I wouldn’t know.” He shrugged. “I don’t really like coffee.” 

You looked at him with a confused scowl and he smiled. He ordered a capuccino every morning before going to class. 

“I didn’t use to go to Starbucks until you started working there anyway.” He shrugged. 

Part 2 <3 

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You and Bonham and the boys are debating whether or not to get drinks with dinner. Kevin immediately says, “No way, when you drink you always cry and I am having none of that tonight.” Bonham counters with, “At least I’m not the ‘mere guy.” How does he react and what do you and Randy say?

Kevin: Hey! I’m not the ‘mere guy either. 

Me: Actually, Kev, you kind of are. 

Randy: Especially when you have too much vodka. 

2. Bonham was helping her mom have a garage sale this past weekend. She gets home after a scorcher of a day to see you and the boys, and Randy asks, “How are you hon?” She responds with, “Hot and wet.” Before anyone can say anything else, Kevin says, “Hah. Giggity.” How do the three of you respond?

Bonham: Kevin, please. 

Randy: Yeah, we don’t need your thoughts today. 

I just roll my eyes at him. 

3. You get called down to Mal’s school because he’s in trouble. When you and Kevin arrive at the principal’s office, she slaps down his reading log. “Little mister joker here thought it would be funny to forge a celebrity signature on his reading log, and he didn’t get away with it.” You look at it to see Kevin’s signature, but it definitely isn’t forged. How do you and Kevin respond?

Me: Actually, that’s not forged. That’s my husband’s name and Mal’s last name. I mean you can ask him, he’s right here, but he did sign it last night. 

Principal, takes a step back: Oh, you are Kevin DuBrow. I uh thought he was lying when he said that his dad was the singer of Quiet Riot. 

Kevin: Now would a kid lie about that? Especially when he can’t lie to save his life? 

4. You get called down to Eddie’s school one day and he’s in the office with Mal and one of his friends. You ask why they’re there and he says, “Jamin broke his leg at recess playing soccer so me and Mal carried him to the office and we got suspended.” “What? Why?” “The way his leg was broken he could have died when we picked him up so they suspended us. But we didn’t know that, honest.” How do you respond?

I’d raise hell, “You seriously had to suspend my kids, who are ten and eight. Who thought they were helping their friend and had no idea that they may have hurt him more? Seriously?! That is fucking ridiculous.” 

5. You and Kevin were drinking with Randy and Bonham one night so you’re staying at their house for safety reasons. You’re asleep on the couch when you hear a loud click. “Who’s out there! Get off my property! Randy, go around back!” You open your eyes to see Bonham heading out the door with a loaded 12 gauge shotgun, shouting into the night, and Randy on the phone with someone going around back. What happens when they see you’re up and what’s going on?

“Bons, whats going on?” “We think someone was trying to get into the house.” Someone was and Bonham holds them at gunpoint until the police arrive. Kevin slept through the whole thing on the couch. 

6. You’re lying around watching the news with Kevin, and Bonham and Randy are supposed to come over. They’re an hour late and haven’t called, which is weird. You hear the news guy suddenly say, “Breaking News,” and you see that there’s a hostage situation at Angelo’s, the record shop by their house. The news camera catches a glimpse of the crazy guy, and you see that he’s holding Randy and Bonham at gunpoint. How do you and Kevin react and what happens?

I’d jump up, “Oh my god, I’m going down there.” Kevin would grab me, “No, you’ll only get in the cops’ way.” We stay watching the tv until they’re ok and then I rush down there. 

7. You’re outside with Bonham and the boys one day. Randy got up to look at something, and he turns around and motions to Bonham with one finger. “C’mere, i found something.” She follows him and Kevin pipes up, “Wow Bonham, he made you come with one finger, imagine what would happen with two.” How do you, Bonham, and Randy react?

Me: Kevin! 

Bonham: Oh, I don’t have to imagine. 

Randy: Bonham! 

8. You’re at the store with Bonham and the boys, before any of you have kids, when you come across a scared little boy who’s lost his mom. Bonham is immediately nice to the boy and helps him find his mom. “Okay sweetie, it’s okay, there you go.” Once he’s gone, Kevin says, “Wow Bonham, you’re good at mothering.” She turns around and laughs hysterically. How do you and Randy respond?

Me: Of course she’s going to be a great mother. 

Randy: Why wouldn’t she be? Even though she doesn’t believe she will be. 

9. Bonham and her brother are picking you and Kevin up one day, and when you get in the car, there’s funk music on the radio. Bonham’s brother Chuck is driving, so he’s in control of the radio. “What are you even playing?” Kevin asks. Chuck turns around, puts on a funny voice and says, “I don’t know!” and turns up the radio. How do you and Kevin respond?

Me: I don’t know what it is but I like it. 

Kevin just rolls his eyes. 

10. You and Bonham and the boys and Chuck are on the couch one day and Randy and Bonham are in a heated debate about the quality of Black Sabbath music when Chuck stands up. “Where are you going?” Kevin asks. “I’ll be back I have to go sneeze.” Chuck says. How do you and Kevin react, and do Bonham and Randy even notice?

Me: Oh, ok. 

Kevin: Don’t you think that’s a bit odd? 

Bonham and Randy don’t notice because by this point, their argument has turned into a makeout session. 

11. As a surprise, Kevin says he wants to get Bonham a ticket to see Randy’s first show with Ozzy in America, but he hasn’t got the money. You do it instead, but you didn’t tell him that’s what you were doing. Bonham’s ecstatic, but as soon as she says thank you, Kevin mumbles, “You ruined my plan.” “What do you mean?” “I know you don’t like me so I hoped this would change your mind, but it looks like Babes beat me to it.” How do you and Bonham respond?

Bonham: Kevin I don’t hate you. Where did you get that idea? 

Me; Oh, sorry, I didn’t know that was the reason you were going to buy it for her. 

12. You go to the Grammys with Bonham and the boys because Bonham’s up for an award. You get all fancied up and go. She wins the award, and afterward you three go up to congratulate her. The first thing out of her mouth is, “Oh my God Kevin, what happened to your pants?” He looks and discovers he ripped his pants up the seam from waistband to ankle, his belt is the only thing holding them on. What do the four of you do?

Me: Oh my god, I think I packed an extra pair of pants. 

Kevin: You’re so overly prepared. 

Randy: I mean, it’s Kevin we always need an extra pair of some article of clothing for him. 

Bonham: Thank god you packed them, babes. 

--------------------

1) You and your singer are swimming with Tommy and Nikki. You and your singer have this running joke with one of her swimsuits because it looks like the one Pamela Anderson wears in Baywatch. She steps out of the house and sets her towel down on a lounge chair before getting in the pool. You jokingly say, “Oh look, it’s Pamela Anderson.” Tommy, who was in a dead sleep on a lounge chair, shoots up and goes, “Pamela?! Where?” How do you, your singer, and Nikki respond?

2) You got up earlier than you singer today, which is usually normal. You’re making coffee in the kitchen t wake her up when you hear a scream and a thump from her room. You go in to find Kevin stirring and your singer trying to untangle herself from the wrap of sheets. “I’m constantly wrapped up in these stupid fucking sheets.” How do you and Kevin respond?

3) Your band has had a very grueling tour schedule. You are rooming with your singer at a hotel and she tells you she's going to take a shower. You think nothing of it until you look at the clock and realize it’s a half hour later and her showers are never this long. You knock on the bathroom door before going in and you find her slumped against the shower wall fast asleep. What do you do? 

4) Your singer takes you, Kevin, and Randy to her local baseball stadium for a baseball game. You’re all having a good time until a fly ball comes directly towards you. Kevin screams, “I’ll get it.” You, your singer, and Randy watch as he tries to catch it but the ball clocks him right in the face. What does Kevin do and how do you, Randy, and your singer respond?

5) It’s late one night when you get a call from your singer. “Hey, Bons. Is Jeremy in bed?” “As far as I know yes.” “Would you go check please?” You go and see that in fact, Jeremy isn’t in bed. When you tell your singer she goes, “Fuck. Eddie and Jeremy must have snuck out to that Crüe concert even though we told them no. Tommy probably convinced them to sneak out so that they could go onstage with them.” What do you and your singer do and do you rip Crüe, specifically Tommy, a new one once you go to their concert? 

6) You and Randy are staying over at your singer and Kevin’s house. You were up late the night before so you and Randy slept in when all of a sudden you hear, “GOOOOOOOOD MOOOOORRRRRNING, VIETNAM!” Which causes you and Randy to jump right out of bed. You go out into the living room to find Kevin rubbing his eyes and your singer standing next to her record player, with what sounds like Robin Williams talking coming from the speakers. She shuts it off, “Oh look, you’re finally up and it's only,” she looks at her watch, “Noon.” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?

7) You and your singer have been out all day and when you get home, your find Randy and Kevin in their swim trunks in a blowup pool in the living room. Your singer looks at them and goes, “What the fuck are you doing with a blow-up pool in my living room?” Kevin looks to her and goes, “Oh, it was too hot to go swimming in the pool outside so we blew this one up and filled it in her so we could watch the game.” What does Randy say and how do you and your singer respond?   

8) You and your singer are sitting on her and Kevin’s couch when Kevin passes by in a pair of tight stage pants. She looks him up and down before saying, “Looking good, DuBrow.” Kevin stops and looks at her, “Babe, we’ve been married for four years. Why are you calling me by my last name?” Your singer blushes a little bit before saying, “I was talking to myself.” How do you and Kevin respond?

9) You singer is driving you, Kevin, and Randy along backroads around her area late at night when she says, “God, I hope I don’t hit any pipe bombs.” Kevin perks up from the backseat, “Why would you hit a pipe bomb?” “Oh, this road was the one some psycho was leaving pipebombs on and they were exploding next to cars.” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond and what does your singer say?

10) You, your singer, Kevin, and Randy are on a road trip. Your singer got the night shift and is taking back roads. You promised to stay up with her to keep her company but you’re dozing off. You’re passing a farm and the windows are open. You’re singer screams, “Ahh yes, nothing like the fresh smell of cow shit at four am.” This wakes you, Kevin, and Randy up. How do the three of you respond?

11) You, Randy, and Kevin are visiting your singer at her serving job and you’re at one of her tables. She is taking care of another table and is handing the guy a beer. He has a really snotty air about him. He looks at the drink and says, “I want another drink,” before throwing his full 22 oz beer in your singer’s face. She sputters a bit before saying, “Yes sir, I will get you another drink right away.” As she walks away you hear the customer chuckle and go to his companion, “I love doing that to the wait staff. Especially the girls because they can’t do anything because they rely on my tips.” You look over to Kevin and he looks like he’s about to blow a gasket. What does he do and how do you and Randy respond? What does your singer do when she comes back to give the guy his beer? 

12) Kevin comes to, from being super drunk the night before and when he comes out into the kitchen, he finds you, your singer, and Randy sitting at the kitchen table. He looks to your singer and goes, “Who hit you and gave you a black eye? I’ll kill them.” She looks him in the eye and says, “You did.” How does he react and what do you, your singer, and Randy say?  

@osbournebemydaddy   your move, Bons :)     

[cecilspeaks]

113 - Niecelet

Gooooooood eevening, fine citizens. I’m your late night host this week, here to keep you company after sundownn.

Welcome to Night Vale!

As you regular listeners already know, I took over the night shifts this week, because I’ve been spending my days with a very special house guest. Well, more like one and a half house guests. My favorite cousin Sabina is visiting, and she’s 7 months pregnant with what will be my second ever niece. Well, my first ever niece once removed. First ever niece once removed? That takes too long, let’s do – “niecelet”.

My sister’s daughter Janice is a teenager. It’s been so long since I’ve had a new baby in my family so, if you hear a certain knowing, avuncular quality in my voice, it’s because you are listening to an expecting uncle. I’m already getting some of those leather patches sewed onto the elbows of my windbreaker.

All week, Sabina and I have been reading baby books, and I am a veritable expert at this point. A baby at 7 months is as big as an eggplant. She can already get the hiccups and déjà-baby-vu, and has a fully developed sense of comedic timing. I’m holding an eggplant with me here in this studio to practice supporting her neck. Also to make sure I have something to eat when I get home. Sabina’s cleaned out the fridge pretty thoroughly.

Back at my place, Sabina’s been keeping the radio on 24/7, so the niecelet will know the owner of this dulcet baritone already loves her very much. Hello, almost-niece!

Doing all this reading together, it seems crazy to learn just how vulnerable we are, when we first enter the world. Did you know that a newborn doesn’t even have kneecaps yet? That it has a hole in the top of its skull, which must be taped shut so the newborn does not escape through it during the night? It’s amazing any of us survive to the shaming ceremonies at all!

Speaking of rites of passage, the annual Night Vale Science Fair is scheduled for this Monday night. Every fourth grader is expected to report to the Rec Center for a fun-filled evening of free programs and live demonstrations. Organizers say the kiddos will have a chance to make a 1:1 scale volcano, that spews real ash and molten igneous rock. They’ll learn how a pile of pennies can be transformed into a battery, simply by taking those pennies to Walgreens and exchanging them for a pack of Duracell double A’s. They’ll learn about about centripetal force by pouring a bucket full of water, and then filling out a worksheet on centripetal force. They’ll plant a bean sprout in a Styrofoam cup that won’t disintegrate until their grandchildren have set off on exploratory missions to find another planet that can support bean sprouts.

Hmm, what else might be on the Community Calendar this week, you ask? Well, let me work at my own pace over here, OK pal? Like all jobs worth doing, this one takes focus and patience. You can’t just rush through it. As my optometrist says, “measure twice, cut once, then do the left eye.” So I guess that’s really measure four times total and cut two times, but I had an astigmatism so I ended up just sticking with contacts anyway.

Sooo.. [papers rustling] let’s see here. [clears throat] M-h-h-h-hmm, this week’s events. On Tuesday night, head over to the Band Shell to hear a set from Ouroboros, the rock band that only plays covers of their own songs. Wednesday, Ablution in Fresca to celebrate the start of the Andorran New Year. Thursday is Thirsty Thursday. Consume no liquids. You’re gonna get real thirsty! Friday has been indefinitely delayed by weather at O’Hare, and is now pleading with a United representative for a hotel voucher to avoid sleeping in a plastic chair in Concourse C.

Early morning on Saturday, we are in for a rare astronomical treat. The Earth will fully eclipse the Sun, blotting out its light completely, so that only a ring of wispy blue remains visible against the blackness. Now this eclipse will not be observable on Earth, of course, and to our knowledge there is no planet on which this phenomenon could be observed. There’s just nothing on that particular vector in space, but at 4:13 AM on Saturday morning, the total eclipse will occur, and that blue corona will shine softly in the dark, like a delicate smoke ring. And that dim blue halo will represent the entirety of us. Our dramas, dreams, and disappointments. The first ride without the training wheels. Our 8th grade dances. Our double Windsors and our veils, our sleepless nights in waiting rooms. Our rush hour commuters, our dozing through recitals til the one we love goes on. Our crying in the car as the one we love leaves home. Just that thin filament of blue, on which we wage our peace.

The on Sunday, tacos and gun safety with Three-eyed Bill at First Methodist.

Stay tuned, savvy listeners, for in a moment I’ll be sharing Night Vale’s third quarter economic development report. To my knowledge, we’ve never had an economic development report before for any quarter, but the press release looked official, and we all know that new municipal arms of government form all the time. Arms that then pull back to be reabsorbed by the government shoulder from which they sprouted.

But before crunching those numbers, a quick message from today’s sponsor. Equinox Gym. At Equinox, we focus on the whole body. Particularly, the soft and vulnerable parts of that body. Stop by our windowless complex today to meet with a dietician about this month’s promotion, the Zima cleanse. Or for even faster results, nothing torches calories like our calorie torch. Also, new members this week to Equinox receive 60 days of free access to our popular Judgment Spa. This has been a word from our sponsor.

[booming voice] Now to business news. Whoa! Did that sound unusually powerful to you? Ooh, I sorta took myself by surprise there, like I grew a suit or something! [chuckles] [clears throat] The Night Vale Economic Development Board, or NV-ec-dev-B for short and cumbersome, sent a press release at the closing bell of the Night Vale stock exchange. The bulletin said that futures are down, way down. Although the recent past is trading briskly. In response to declining levels of interests, NV-ec-dev-B plans to incentivize consumer spending. At the start of tomorrow’s business day, they’ll launch an abject prompt campaign of xenophobia, branded as nationalism, branded as civic bride, branded as a 2008 F150 Ford truck with satellite radio, air conditioned seats, and a heavy-duty hitch to haul away whatever it is you’re trying to hide.

So make plans this weekend to head out towards the used car lot with your hands in the air and your checkbook in your mouth, to meet with a sales person about financing options. You might be surprised by how few years of indentured servitude can you get you behind the wheel of a Ford truck.

You know what cars make me think of? Well, Carlos. I guess, but everything makes me think of Carlos. And his name is an anagram of “Lo cars”. He’s out of town at Erlenmeyer Flask Con this week, and I miss something fierce! But what I was going to say is that the thought of buying a car reminds me of my niecelet! It’s extraordinary to think that she’ll be a teenager some day, getting her driver’s permit, then her license, then her crossbow - going through all of these phases we all pass through. It’s like there’s a future attached to her already. Inside Sabina, there’s a baby, and seated inside the baby there’s the toddler. And within her are the blueprints for the girl. And soon, she’ll be out here learning to play the sitar and considering vegetarianism, then voting and buying lottery tickets. Well, those are the same thing really. And I’ll get to bear witness to this blooming life. Some day, she might even decide to have a niece of her own.

[tearily] Oh, OK. Um, something is in young Cecil’s eye over here. Ooh! Hang tight, team, I’m just gonna run out and grab a bunch of tissues from the supply closet to remove this bothersome… [key turns in lock, falls down] OK, listeners, I must admit I’m in a state of concerned agitation here. When I tried to open the door of the studio, the handle – came off in my hand and and and and when I went to reinsert it, I found that the hole was (tamped) full of soft hot tar, which cannot be up to code. So now I find myself in a small, soundproof, airtight room with a doorless handle in my left hand and a handle-less door before me. I’m uh… Huh… I’m- I’m I’m uncertain of just how to proceed, uh, I can’t imagine there’s more than a few hours’ worth of oxygen in here, even if the studio’s potted fern works double duty on converting the carbon dioxide.

Oh man and of course, I left my phone in my jeans in the other room, you know, after I changed into my professional radio hosting unitard. I, OK, I need some time to assess the situation.

I’ll leave you to the weather.

[Weather: "If We Live" by Disparition]

OK. OK, OK, alright calm down, calm down Cecil, calm down, and you can beat this. be like the patient viper who does not strike until his prey is upon him. [sharp exhale] Be like the praying mantis whose head is a guitar pick. Keep your heart rate low and your focus steady, and good God, sit down, man. Save your strength. Breathe deep enough to get the air inside your brain and think. What would an uncle do?

Hmmm. Hummmmmmmm. [getting faster and higher] Hmmmmmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmmmmmm-hmmmmmmmmmmmm… Oh! OK, I’ve got it. Easy, I just need one of you to come and open the door. [chuckles] OK, here I am behaving like I’m alone, but of course I’m not alone, ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I’ve got all of Night Vale listening. Ooh, that is a relief! Come to think of it, I imagine hundreds of you may be on your way already, and I can’t have the whole town rushing over all at once. That would cause traffic jams, hysteria, straightline winds gusting up to 60 knots. [laughs] If you’re on your way, just shoot quick flare into the sky, so that everybody knows you’re the one on the way. M-more importantly so that I know you’re on the way.

You guys, it’s like 8 PM, you’re not all in your PJ’s yet. Just need one person to make the trip. It’s like an 8-minute drive from your apartment, come on! Is… Is no one listening? I mean, the memo from management at the last all-staff meeting did mention low late night ratings but – this is not low, this is talking into a tin can on string whose other end is tied to a fire hydrant at the bottom of the sea, this is utter futility, this is falling in the woods and no one’s there to hear you. This is not seeing the Cecil for the trees, this is – Kafka meets Becket and tells him to talk to the hand. This is – stop, full stop. Cecil. [deep breath] This indignation does me no good at all. Just burns through my oxygen supply, which is running low already. This rate, I’ll never survive until the morning commuters tune in. Just think, Cecil. Think like an uncle.

Ooh. That’s it! There is at least one person listening. Babies never sleep thru the night, right? So you, niecelet, you should be able to hear me. Tho I imagine the sound of my voice may be muffled by the blankets on the guest bed and Sabina’s abdominal muscles. Alright, niecelet, I need you. We’ve got to find a way to wake up Sabina. I need you to kick, brace your little elbows on the soft wall behind you and really kick! Aim for a spot under the ribs, that roof of bone above you. And again. [pants rhythmically] Kick! Good, again! [pants rhythmically] Kick! Good, again! Now give it everything you’ve got this time! Sabina, wake up! This is an emergency! Wake u-

Oh. The station phone is ringing. God I forgot we even had this. uh caller, you’re on the air.

Sabina: Hey, Cecil. The baby was keeping me up and I turned on the station and-

Cecil: Sabina! Oh, thank God you’re awake! No, no it’s not a shtick, listen. I am trapped in the studio and I just need someone to open the door from the outs-

Sabina: Oh OK, I’ll be right there. But I’m starving, I may stop by Subway for a mashed potato and Nutella sandwich.

Cecil: No, please come now! We’ve got snacks in the breakroom pantry.. I think. I’ll set you up with some (gorb and gevilta) fish.

Sabina: Alright. Hey, did you know that there’s a faceless old woman living in your home? She keeps trying to put lotion on my belly, while I’m sleeping.

Cecil: Yeah, she does that. Listen, my spare office keys are by the lucky cat. See you soon, and thank you Sabina!

Sabina: Hey, enough with the lotion, lady!

Ooooohh. And thank you, niecelet! At negative two months old, you’ve already saved a life! And somehow I get the feeling mine might be just the first of many. If you need bailing out of a tight spot some day, you know who to call. I’m the baritone you can count on any time, kid, day or night shift.

Ahhh, man! I can’t wait for that door to open so I can get a lungful of fresh air. Oh, it’s funny how small a room can feel when you’re not allowed to leave. Oh, sorry I [chuckles] forgot who I was talking to for a second. Well, as soon as you’re out here breathing air yourself, I’m getting you a pair of cleats and a pair of baby shinguards and a baby cape, too. I can’t wait to meet you, little hero of a niecelet! But first, I’m making your mother some midnight eggplant parmesan.

Stay tuned next for the sounds of a door opening, a rush of oxygen-rich air, and a wheezing celebration of an overworked respiratory system. Aany second now. Aaaany second. Aaaaaanyyyy secondd.

[long silence]

Today’s proverb: Follow your heart. You need it. Where did it ever learn to walk? 

[sunshine-on-a-cloudy-day]

Week 4 - Come to Jesus Meeting on The Bachelor

My thoughts while watching week 4 of Nick Viall’s “journey” to find “love”.

- They do have a good point. Her disrespect and lack of maturity should be an issue for him. -HA! Nick is surprised that the girls (specifically Vanessa) would judge him based on his actions? Idiot. - Oh my gosh. She just said that she would give him back the rose. - Her pink eyeshadow gives me hope for my own pink eyeshadow journey. - “Be patient with Corinne”. Wtf? - Corinne literally showed up to dry hump Nick and then go take a nap. Hahahaha - sarah and Taylor grew balls!!!! - “We, who live with you, think it is you being entitled.” - “I am in no way privileged”. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha - Taylor couldn’t even keep a straight face, talking about her nanny! She is all of us. - “You do you, Imma do me.” Is she a secret gangster? Also her hair is huge. - Will he? Won’t he? Spoiler alert! He won’t. - Crazy nurse is leaving. ByE! - Yes! My girl Raven! Then Taylor! - PLEEEEAAASSEE save her for last! - “I’m just insulted FOR Nick” Vanessa, girl, if HE isn’t insulted, that should give you some insight into his mind and relationship with Corinne! - Seriously? You kept Josephine?! You are insane. - Poor Christen. :( - We are ALL confused, Vanessa. - He is destroying these girls’s self confidence by keeping Corinne. - He is so oblivious. He thinks the girls are upset because their friends ars leaving. Idiot. - Hahahaha. Corinne, making that speech. Hahahahahahahahahahaha - Corinne always looks messy. Like she just woke up. Ironic. - They look like they have a lot of fun together, these girls. - “Hello, Mom and Dad! I’m gonna be the wife!” Hahahaha. Oh, Dolphinshark. - Nick’s mom is either really cool, or trying too hard to look really cool. Haha - Rachel is an angel. - I can’t really get a read on Danielle L. Her nervous laugh is killing me. - Ewww. Which girls made out with Nick at the Library? Who are the girls? - This cookie making out thing is DISGUSTING. The flirting AND the icing. - This is so terrible. They seriously ran into one of his ex’s. AND HE INVITED HER ONTO THEIR ONE ON ONE! - You look great? Seriously Nick? You compliment her RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR DATE! - She does have a ring on…but still! WHAT? - All he has done this entire date is talk about his “firsts” with her. I feel so so bad. - Why does she feel so lucky? Her date has been crap! - Her parents’ divorce story ia really sad! - Hearing Danielle M. read that date card is the cutest thing. - Nick - NEWS FLASH. Almost all of the girla here have so many qualities you are looking for. Pretty much every girl but Corinne. - A surprise concert. Shocking. - Chris Lane. Never heard of him. - This makes the second time that they have danced on stage in front of a huge crowd at a concert. - “I want to be in a spa, being fed a nice taco. Preferably chicken.” Hahaha. This girl. - Corinne trying to keep the smile on her face while swatting away bugs. Hahahaha - This was really misleading. The promo made it sound like Nick grew up on a farm. - “I don’t know how to do chores, let alone farm chores! I don’t even make Raquel do farm chores. She’s better than that.” - “Watching Nick, handle those teats, I’m not going to lie. He wasn’t good at it.” - Scooping poop is next. Apparently they are slinging it everywhere. This is disgusting. - “ I’m so happy I mixed backstreet boys for this!” - Corinne is the biggest baby I have ever seen. - “I don’t know if it’s the cow shit or the bull shit but I smell shit”. BEST. LINE. EVER. - Nick is looking gooooooood in that sweater. - Kristina is so beautiful…but her accent is so awful. - LOL. Corinne is seriously listening to them all. LOLOLOL. - Corinne, physical development does not equal mental maturity. - Corinne describing herslef as corn. I want to call her Cornrinne. - Vanessa and the book. God bless this lady. - Ooohhh! Another Corinne speech! - Sarah’s face is hilarious. And she is being so straightforward! - “I had a very stressful week that week…” Oh Lord. - She almost had to go to the hospital because of her circulation in her hands. Survey says THAT IS A LIE! - Sweet Rachel. - Kristina telling Corinne that she does care, but then Corinne got SO DEFENSIVE. - She had a serious medical condition. Hahaha - All of a sudden, she had a panic attack instead of just taking a nap. - Kristina has BALLS! - She is getting validation from Nick. “That’s very mature of you.” - HA! Kristina gets the rose! Score one for the good guys!!! - Raven and her little accent! - “Bella, this is my…friend…Raven.” Lol - Raven gets along really great with his family! So cute! - “It is a red flag that a girl isn’t friends with other girls” No truer words have ever been spoken. - Hahahahaha. Nick skating by, hoping yo catch their attention and they are ignoring him. Hahahaha - She wasn’t allowed to watch BIP. Thank goodness. - Why is he so good at roller skating? Who is that good at roller skating? - “I’m more than a roller skating partner, I’m a really good partner in liiife.” - Raven’s mom sounds awesome. - She freaking kicked open a door. - And she was VERY graphic! - She went crazy! Beat him with a stilleto. Hahahahahahahaha - Love her. L.O.V.E. H.E.R. - She kind of has an unfair advantage as far as her wardrobe goes. She owns a boutique! She probably had her pick of ANYTHING! - “She is very attitudy” - Corinne looks directly at the camera, even on dates! She is obviously here for the right reasons. - Them showing Corinne eating that bread is just like Chad with the cold cuts. - Awkward. Taylor is literally standing there hoovering. So painfully awkward. - Josephine thinking that Taylor is worse than Corinne. Josephine is the classic side kick. She wants to be Corinne’s best friend. - Taylor sitting there nodding her head to Corinne. Hahaha - Taylor having to explain emotional intelligence to Corinne who obviously doesn’t believe that that is a real thing. - “Stop playing Miss Proper.” - Corinne is the exact person who needs counseling for her mental health - She literally can’t even.

[s3venpounds]

1-98

thank you my dewd for giving me something to do! ngl was going kinda insane and i’ll take anything over doing chores tbh also sorry if this is hella late

weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs usually because they hold more liquid and i use them for everything lol tea, coffee, alcohol, soda

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops, i like having something in my mouth for long amounts of time(and yes pun intended)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy oh my god. I have such a sweet tooth its ridiculous. I once bought 7 large bags of cotton candy from K days and ate them for the next 2 months even when they got hard and probably nasty lmao i just love that shit. even cotton candy flavoured stuff ( except vodka. thats a trap. )

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

shy, reserved, well behaved basically i was a wimpy little shit

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I like them in glass cups so i can clean it afterwards and use it again later, waste makes me feel guilty

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

if its applied to me? pastel. I love brighter colors after i stopped wearing blacks greys and whites. they feel so good and look so nice. on someone im interested in? sportswear, formal, grunge, goth, pastel, tomboy. in no particular order. if its sportswear stuff that really highlights muscles and how toned they are just MMMMMMMM. formal is fuckkkkkkking attractive. like if the white collar shirt is unbuttoned halfway and the blazer is rolled up? or no blazer but with suspenders and the sleeves rolled up? OMG i will literally lick their collarbones idgaf

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones, mostly because its just healthier for your ears, as much as i like earphones and use them more often i just prefer headphones cuz people usually dont bother me, i do dislike the hat hair though and how bulky they are

8. movies or tv shows?

im kind of a weeb so i much prefer tv shows with regular releases so im not waiting 6 years or something for avengers lol i need my fixxxxxxxxxxx

9. favorite smell in the summer?

after rain smell or during rain smell idk. carnival food? the ocean? just water scents i guess

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

dance or volleyball both of which im still doing to this day very happily c:

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

cereal, maybe some nutella, whatevers left over if someone cooked the night prior or just basic bacon eggs and rice. fried rice if im feeling lucky

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Emotions empty. YEET

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard. I’ve had the same spidergwen/ghost spider lanyard since like 2015 and i refuse to use another lol. it feels so cool to yank on the lanyard and swing it around

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

rock candy. hands down. that shit makes me nutty. like if i was an earth bender or some shit i’d make a giant club made of the stuff and smack people with it and lick it afterwards

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

the outsiders probably i mean its not like crazy favourite but like its the one i enjoyed the most out of the ones i was forced to read (i really hate being forced to do shit)

16. most comfortable position to sit in? criss cross as im doing right now lmao or sitting on one of my legs

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? ah shit I just threw them out cuz they were old af but i had these nike high tops with the little puffy thing that inflates the sides of the shoes to make it more comfortable and it was so good in the winter and summer. it like breathed enough to let my feet stay nice and cool but it also stayed warm and never let snow get in my shoes cuz they were so high they acted like boots. i wore those for like my entire highschool experience

18. ideal weather?

raining. or breezy day. wind makes me sleepy and rain makes me excited to jump around in puddles and run as if my lifes calling is pulling me towards it

19. sleeping position? 

I always sleep on my stomach. its my most comfortable position and i knock out so easily if i do. apparently its a family thing too lol my siblings all outgrew it but w.e

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? 

on a laptop or in my journal. the tapping of laptop keys makes me feel productive while writing in my journal makes me feel like itll be saved for the rest of my life

21. obsession from childhood?

psychology and the inner workings of the mind. why something thinks lowly of themselves, why someone thinks highly of themselves, how they came to this decision, why they thought to refuse this and that its really interesting to me to see peoples reasoning

22. role model?

not even a physical person but ALL MIGHT from my hero academia or boku no hero academia. yknow that phrase ? “ what would jesus do?” yeah its “what would all might do?” for me luuuuuuuuuuuuul

23. strange habits?

i dont really know any strange habits myself but im sure my friend justin knows a few

24. favorite crystal?

crystal???? uhhh i dont know much about this but i guess i would go with emerald? since its my birth stone?

25. first song you remember hearing?

a barney song. i shit you not.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

I dont really like the heat all that much. summer is just suffering to me tbh lol like what do you do when youve taken off all ur clothes, ur AC is dead and your room is the highest room in the house where all the heat gathers? nothing. you do nothing. you cry and almost get heat stroke.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

I loooooooooooove snowboarding im not good at it though but god damn its fun. specially with friends and learning together it makes me so happy seeing people grow c:

28. five songs to describe you?

fix you cold play(currently listening to this), im still here (treasure planet soundtrack) by john reznik, Good things fall apart Jon bellion, lost stars Adam levine, After Dark Asian Kung Fu Generation. is what i can say so far? i’ve got tons of songs i relate to those are the ones that just popped into mind

29. best way to bond with you?

be physical. touch me, graze me, be comfortable with me and hold up a conversation. As much as i like talking I LOVE hearing about the people im interacting with. hobbies, dreams, goals, nightmares everything. other than that? just spend time with me. any time is fine. i do prefer really deep conversations at like 3 am lol

30. places that you find sacred?

sacred to me? St. Clements park and not much else. a looooooooooot of shit has happened there. my first kiss, my worst break up, my best make up/make out, my best date. 

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I got these leather boots that do a clack sound on pavement and i feel powerful as fuck. I got this really high quality black formal shirt from le chateau that breathes really well and highlights my figure. I have these black jeans with zippers above and below the kneecap that make me feel dope. so yeah full black lol. theres also this grey sweater i have that flows in the wing like a cape and i feel like a superhero when wind blows it behind me

32. top five favorite vines?

ok ok theres this one i cannot find again for the life of me but its like this asian guy sittin in a stall taking a dump and it cuts to an ice cream dispenser then some dude knocks on the door and the asian guy gasps and it cuts to the ice cream dispenser but goes backwards so the poop is like going back in and the asian guy goes like “ unnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and shudders and i like fucking collapse a lung everytime i think about it. some of king vaders anime parodies are fucking hilarious, the dude who made that vine where “ if johnny has 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ wait why does johnny have 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ mind your business david” while playing with dishsoap lmao. OH OH and that one where the kid puts random shit on his head to signify its his mom like where he goes “ I like ya accent where ya from?” “ im from liberia” “ *in a whisper* oh my bad I like ya accent where ya from” yeah this is longer than i thought i’ll stop it here i still got like 60 questions left

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“lmao” i’ve now used to as a similar term to lol. sometimes i say it in irl like “ le mao” and i internally cringe everytime

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

pizza 73, sleep country canada “why buy a mattress any where elseee” and some spotify ads cuz theyre fucking everywhere

35. average time you fall asleep?

midnight or 10 at the earliest

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

god... uhhh.. one of those rage comics those old ass black n white memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag, i am NOT organized enough for a suitcase plus duffels i can carry across my chest like a backpack

38. lemonade or tea?

oof. lemonade from k days was really gooooooood. but tea is something im always comfortable with.. ill go with tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake defnitely. cake tastes more mellow while meringue is like a burst of flavour right away

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

a dude OD’d during school hours or that time a dude had a seisure in class

41. last person you texted?

clarence

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

jacket pockets if i wanna look badass, pants pockets if im just being a panda

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

oooof. uhh leather or bomber. leather because i love biker aesthetic too and bomber just looks comfy

44. favorite scent for soap?

i dont particularly have one but i do like old spice or irish spring

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

SUPERHERO. HANDS DOWN. fantasy second and sci fi 3rd.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

.... naked. only on days i cannot sleep at all

47. favorite type of cheese?

uhh fuck dude uhm.. toss up between cream cheese or parmesan

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

durian. I hate durian. its spiky on the outside, smells like burnt asshole but taste is redeeming

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

inside jokes with justin. just hanging out with the dude I had the best gut wrenching laughs of my life. laughs where my jaw hurt from laughing, i lost feeling in my cheeks, my face was red and couldnt stop crying. those laughs.

51. current stresses?

job security, love life, and friends who are currently getting more and more busy and cant hang out as often

52. favorite font?

IDK? Helvetica?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry and typing.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

People are stupid as fuck. and coworkers are dangerous thanks alex for throwing a kitchen knife at me

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk if it counts since disney always makes fairytales but treasure planet?

56. favorite tradition? 

probably christmas because i think its super important who you choose to spend it with and who you DO spend it with is a sign of how much they mean to you

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

dads abuse, my biggest break up, my friends attempted suicide

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

yknow the devil sign you make by closing your hand in a fist except your pinky and pointer finger? i can make my pointer and pinky touch. I also have been told my volleyball spikes have been really good recently. uhh my dancing I guess? singing?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

EVERYTHINGS FINE WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

My hero academia. hands down.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

You got the makings of greatness in you, but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course! Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes, you'll get the chance to really test the cut of your sails and show what you're made of! And... well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. TREASURE FUCKING PLANET BOIIIIIIIIIIS

62. seven characters you relate to?

jim hawkins, hikigaya hachiman, shoya ishida, natsuki subaru, Hinata Shoyo, Hiccup, roxas.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

oh god. uhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. learn to fly foo fighters? castle on the hill ed sheeran? man idk im not huge on clubs, just shit from like 2000′s rock bands that white person knows the lyrics to and probably screamed in their room when they were mad

64. favorite website from your childhood?

YTV when they first released those side kick things thos games were so cool except that one day where the sidekick turned into a monster i legit got scared lol

65. any permanent scars?

tons actually and i love em! they remind me that things happened and that i wont ever forget them. currently tryna get a scar for volleyball HEHEHE

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont know much about flowers but roses and lavender is nice. and that flower in philippines where if you touch it, it like curls into itself. 

67. good luck charms?

the keychains people i’ve fallen for have given to me. like this one bullet bill keychain AB gave me when we first met in highschool. i still have it. its faded and chipped in places but i feel like it makes me feel stronger yknow?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

birthday cake vodka. hands down. and i’ve literally tasted my own puss from an infected wound on accident

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

in philippines flies are always swarming around peoples food so what i learned was to rip up the napkin to look like that thing people used to dust the house and it keeps them away if you swing it at them

70. left or right handed?

right handed c:

71. least favorite pattern?

pattern? uhh anything disorienting i guess

72. worst subject?

math. 100% math. 

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

meatball marinara sub with like every sauce from subway

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

8. i think i have a high pain tolerance

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont remember.. maybe like 6?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

MASHED POTATOES.FRJISD

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

not a big fan of plants....

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

sushi from a grocery store. just cuz im not willing to pay 30 bucks for somewhat fresh stuff from a retaurant

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school id funny enough

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

...what? i guess jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

FIREFLIES OWL CITYYYYYYYYY

82. pc or console?

console. i have a better understanding of how console plays vs computer. computer is too finicky for me and aiming is a lot harder. console i know how people on console move and how i move and how to aim. 

83. writing or drawing?

writing. if i knew how to draw though thatd be a different answer

84. podcasts or talk radio?

talk radio cuz i like to phone in and talk about my experiences lol i got to be on one actually it was dope

84. barbie or polly pocket?

uhhhhhh barbie?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

death. or atleast what happens afterwards

88. your greatest wish?

to be a hero. 

89. who would you put before everyone else?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Z

90. luckiest mistake?

one time in gym class we were playing dodgeball and i slipped trying to run backwards and a dude threw a ball at me but i kicked it in a way it went straight up and i had enough time to catch it

91. boxes or bags?

boxes, much better leverage and storing is like a game of tetris!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

lamps or overheads. sunlight has glare on my stuff and its hard to play and fairylights arent enough 

93. nicknames?

tin man, AG, metal man, poetry man, silverado, silver city, quick silver anything with silver really.

94. favorite season?

fall and winter. winter being the best

95. favorite app on your phone?

Epic seven

96. desktop background? its a picture of hinata shoyo from HAIKYUU!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

only 1. thats my own lmao

98. favorite historical era?

uhhhhhh shit idk. they all seemed pretty shitty tbh..........

[solarwindandcosmicash]

priority: manor feictear (part 1)

absent: Kate’s player

prev | start | next

The party learns through Fawkes that the person who had funded Hiri’Nimit’s research on the Nova is currently on the garden world Watson - specifically in an expensive mansion called Manor Feictear, at which an art showcase being held. Armed with the knowledge that they are looking for someone with the letter ‘B’ in their name, Annos secures the party invitations, they pick out aliases, and they go undercover.

summary

Fawkes is a skilled cryptologist and, through the party and Annos’s strike team’s investigations on the Nova, was able to determine the source of Hiri’Nimit’s funding. He had traced the transaction to a garden world called Watson, specifically to a manor called Manor Feictear. As luck would have it, there is an art showcase there for the next few weeks, and with the Shadow Broker’s help, Annos has acquired invitations for the party. He is sending them there to find and capture the person responsible for moving the funds. The party’s only clue is that the letter B is contained in their name, so this is no easy task. Annos is able to provide a list of the guests, however, which may help narrow their search:

Motya Voski – human Zenyxamey M'Kyaius – asari Noreemlia B'Zelyt – asari Idhato Ben'fehal – batarian Bexidia Agonianus – turian Bihirn Merajii – salarian Hartaw Ix – salarian

As it stands, the party arrives on Watson a few days later, spending the time developing their aliases while undercover. Beetle chooses to go as the brilliant yet enigmatic Dr. Boubou Thulphul, a researcher who studies the historical and psychologically effects of Forta’s work; Vekar is her bodyguard, operating under the name Voetreer Orlea. Phos assumes one of her many mercenary names, Gouda Rach, a friend of Dr. Thulphul’s who is interested in purchasing some of the rare weapons that are on display at the Manor.

in discord Beetle: boubou thulphul is a scientist who studies the effects of forta's paintings and other art on the sentient psyche, and has a string of unfortunate husbands who "died" "suspiciously"

Vasir who goes by Reia’Velar, an acquaintance of Dr. Thulphul and an art collector’s employee sent to make purchases for their boss. Last is Isolde, who simply goes as herself, and Aster, who accompanies her as her friend Kirien Juons.

Upon arrival to the Manor, the party is greeted by a quarian who introduces herself as Vleera. She quickly passes them off to Bình, a quiet human who leads them to the ground floor of the manor where the party will be staying. They quickly take their leave, however, and so the party finds themselves in a large gathering room, where there are a few guests about and a human bartender behind the counter. He introduces himself as Prakash and answers their questions as he serves Phos and Beetle a drink, guides them to their rooms, and wishes them a good rest before returning to his post. Looking over the rooms reveals that they are bugged extensively to track their occupants’ movements.

The party returns to the gathering room to speak with some of the guests. Beetle in particular introduces herself to Motya Voski, a young human woman passionate about the arts, and to Idhato Ben’fehal, a batarian art historian, in a brief conversation in which she almost blows the party’s cover. Aster and Phos also speak to Bexidia Agoniaus, a surly, taciturn turian who isn’t inclined to talk. From there, they wait for the first tour of the Manor to begin.

notable lines + interactions

Advika: . . . and there’s a gala going on to showcase art by various species. Beetle: Oh, fuck yes. Vasir: Keelah. DM: Annos looks over at soon as you say that, Beetle, and just gives you a very, very deadpan look, like, do not. Beetle, OOC: [laughs] Vasir, OOC: A very stern glare. DM: Yeah. It’s not effective, I’m sure, but he does it anyway. Beetle: No, but I respect that. Like, get up and go, just keep doing that.

Vasir: We infiltrate a gala and try to locate the people and bring them in. Annos: Pretty much. Beetle, crosstalk: I’m good at infiltrating! It’s in my class name. Vasir: Anything else?

Phos: Do any of you guys have experience working under an alias? Vasir: ... Yes. Phos: Well, Vasir, with you working in Intel, I’m guessing you had plenty. That would be a little hypocritical to - Vasir: It’s fine, Phos. Phos: - but the rest of us, I’m worried about. Vasir: I’m sure Beetle will be fine by cloaking or talking. Beetle: I’m good at talking. Phos: Do you know how to work under an alias? Vekar: I understand the concept, never had the opportunity. Phos: Okay. This will be a learning - a learning moment for - Vasir, weirdly enthusiastic: A learning experience. Beetle: I have my alias all ready. Vekar: What, your real name’s not Beetle? Beetle: Um, no.

Beetle, OOC: I’m Boo Boo the Fool. Spelled ‘Boubou Thulphul’. Just call me Boo. Short for Boubou Thulphul. Vekar, OOC: Oh my god.

Phos: Beetle, call me Rach if you have to talk to me, because Gouda is my alias’s last name. Beetle: But Gouda is so fun. Phos: Yes, but it’s my last name, so please don’t. Beetle, extremely disappointed: Oh. Phos: If you refer to me by my last name, you’re trying to address my clan. Beetle: Is it formal? Phos: Well, talking to me as Gouda would technically mean you’re addressing the clan instead of me as an individual, and you’re trying to insult, challenge, or impress the clan. Beetle: Hey, Rach of clan - Gouda. Phos: Yes. That’s me. Beetle: Beetle: Okay! I can do that.

Beetle: Call me - Ms. Thulphul. [long pause] Oh wait. One minute. Call me Dr. Thulphul.

in discord Vasir: N N O DM: everyone REALLY takes her seriously

DM: Oh god. Phos: Okay. Okay, this is taking a turn for the weird. Vasir: When doesn’t it, Phos? Phos: Well. [pause] Good point. Good point, Vasir.

Beetle, OOC: I’m willing to get the mission started. Beetle’s already completed her reign of terror.

Vasir: Remember, use the alias. When we get started, I’m not Vasir or Rama. I’m Reia’Velar. Beetle: Who are you? Vasir: You heard me, Beetle. Beetle: [giggles] Vasir: Or should I say, Dr. Thulphul. Beetle, sincerely: Thank you. It’s important to me that you recognize my academic achievements. Vekar: What have you written, Dr. Thulphul? DM: Annos just sighs. Vekar, OOC: I’ve got all the aliases jotted down, so I won’t forget. Phos, OOC: Oh shit, good idea.

Vasir, OOC: I bet there’re theaters and, like - Beetle, OOC: There’s probably an entertainment center in there. Vasir, OOC: Yeah. Beetle, OOC: I’m gonna go sit in it and die.

Beetle: i have a question for all of you. Do we have any idea how we are going to interact with each other? Like, how our backstories intersect? DM, laughing: I like how you’re doing this on the tram, on the way there. Beetle, OOC and ruefully: Yeah. I’m like, uh, hey, uh. DM: Well, talk it out, if you - if you would like.

Vasir: Do we have anything to take people with us? How are we gonna do that. Beetle: Do we even have any weapons? Phos: We’ve got Space Tape. DM: Did you buy a new roll? Phos, after a pause: Yes. DM: Did you? Phos, defensively: There’s 10 meters per roll! I haven’t used up that much. DM: ... Okay, fine. I wasn’t keeping track anyway. Beetle, OOC: Never change, you big, beautiful Space Tape dispenser. Never change. I love you. Phos, OOC: Just gonna check how much it costs.

in discord Vekar: Voetreer Orlea = BODYGUARD

Beetle, OOC: I’m just imagining Vekar screaming “BODYGUARD.” Like, who are you? “BODYGUARD.”

DM: How do you all know each other? Phos, OOC: My guess is that the doctor has been betting on me and Isolde in fights. Beetle: Yes. I am a patron of the arts, even the physical ones. Phos, OOC: And thusly she has invited us to this fine establishment, and Vekar comes as her bodyguard, and I guess Aster is just an acquaintance of Dr. Thulphul? Party: [laughter at the name] Vasir, OOC: Meanwhile, I’m taking this seriously. Beetle: We are taking this seriously. Did you not see the work I put into my backstory? Vasir, OOC: [sighs]

in discord Vasir: reia knew voetreer from someone they bought art for. who voetreer was guarding. Vasir: and then maybe reia got art for rach?

Phos, OOC: Oh, yeah. That sounds dank. Vasir, OOC: Like, I just went and bought some art for you. Vekar, OOC: Or some fine, ancient swords. Or krogan warhammers. DM: That’s how Rach and Dr. Thulphul are friends: they both appreciate the arts. Phos, OOC: They both have a decorative, matching warhammer at home. Vekar, OOC: Very fancy warhammers. Vasir, OOC: How about the thing I found for Rach was a frickin’ ancient earth katana? Because - Phos, OOC: YES. Vasir, OOC: - why not go full nerd here? Whatever, this is already hell. DM: Oh my god. Vasir, OOC: Roll in a little weeaboo spice. DM, quietly: Oh my god, that’s terrible. Jesus. Vasir, OOC: You already dug your grave, [DM]. I’m just making it cozy. Phos, OOC and decisively: Sword.

DM: Is everyone happy with the current state of affairs? Vasir and Vekar, OOC: Yes. DM: Okay. Telissa drops you off at the landing pad, you’re in the tram and moving sideways, and [sees Vekar’s player post in discord] JESUS CHRIST.

in discord Vekar: clan Gouda is a clan of weeaboos

Phos and Vasir, OOC: [hysterical laughter] Beetle, OOC: [starts screaming] DM: Nooooooo. Oh gooooooood. Fuuuuuuck. Beetle, OOC: Oh. My god. Phos, OOC: I’m dying. Beetle, OOC: Oh. My god. DM: God save my soul. Okay. Phos, OOC: There ain’t no saving in this Dungeons and Dragons. DM: Oh, hush. I’m DM, I don’t have to do anything. Except all the work.

Phos, OOC: Wait, time out, time out. Can I get, like, two minutes to get some water? DM: No. - Yeah, go ahead.

Beetle, OOC: Say goodbye to the Beetle you knew and say hello - to Dr. Thulphul. Vasir, OOC: Dr. Boubou Thulphul. Beetle, OOC: Dr. Boubou Thulphul.

DM: 1v1 me in chess, [Vasir’s player]. Vasir, OOC: We’d have to find an online chess player. DM: Wait, do you want to? Vasir, OOC: I don’t know. DM: I’m like halfway decent at chess, so I may or may not win. Vasir, OOC: I’ve played it maybe five times in my life? DM, who used to play chess competitively: Oh dear, yeah, okay.

Phos, OOC: I’m back. DM: Wow, look at that. Vasir, OOC: We - and the party - are listening to elevatorstuck because we’re on this frickin’ tram. DM: This is incorrect. I am not doing this because I’m not on this frickin’ tram. Vasir, OOC: You’re the DM. Beetle, OOC: I’m not listening to it, either. Vasir, OOC: Oh. DM: Yeah, I’m the DM. Bite me. Vekar, OOC: You’re listening to it through osmosis, [DM]. DM: Wow. Thanks.

DM: I’ve got to consult my shitty map. - You guys are never going to see these shitty maps, I’m just telling you that right now. Phos, OOC: When I come visit, I’m going to hack into your computer to see these shitty maps. DM: Good fuckin’ luck.

DM: Who was next...? Vekar, right. Vekar, what were you even looking for? Vekar, who had rolled a nat20, OOC: I don’t know! DM: Just save it for another perception roll.

Phos, OOC: I drag Isolde with me, like, I put an arm around her shoulders and say, “Let’s get something to drink.” DM: Isolde gives you a look and says out of the corner of her mouth - Isolde: I’m gonna fucking kill you, don’t just touch me like that - DM: - as she goes along with you.

Phos, OOC: I’m getting a Vodka Infusion. DM, laughing: Is that a legit thing? Is it just a bunch of vodka? Just a bunch of different kinds of vodka? Phos, OOC: Yes. Vekar, OOC: Weed vodka! Potato vodka! Phos, OOC: Cinnamon vodka!

Vasir, OOC: Does Aster even have an alias? DM: I think I might’ve just forgotten to tell you. Let me go look it up. [pause] Oh, shit. Okay, so I have Aster’s name listed here, but the value where I’d put the name in is blank, so - let me just make something up really quick. Vasir, OOC and laughing: Let’s just call him Wasabi Rage! DM: No, fuck that! Beetle, OOC: Starboy. Vasir, OOC, still laughing: We already have Dr. Thulphul! Beetle, OOC: We have such a long talk about background and then Aster shows up and does fuckall. DM: That’s my fault, though. Beetle, OOC: [laughter] DM: Can someone just give me a randomly generated name? Bear, OOC: Yeet. DM: Thanks.

DM: Annos offered you the guest list and none of you took him up on it. Beetle, OOC: Yep, we’re just all fools - Vasir, OOC: Wait, no, I thought we did. Vekar, OOC: I’m pretty sure we did, actually. DM: Hmm. Really? Beetle, OOC: Oh, yeah, we absolutely did. DM: Ha. I’ll listen back in the recording later and we’ll see.

[As it turns out, Annos had only mentioned the guest list but made no move to otherwise offer it to the party, so we were all wrong.]

Phos, OOC: And I take a deep, deep drink of my vodka - Prakash: Oh, god, don’t do that, you don’t want to do that. Phos: I’m a krogan, hon, it’s fine. Prakash: Don’t call me that, please.

in discord Vekar: Narrator: it was not fine

Beetle, in a very weird accent: If I may ask, is there some sort of itinerary I could look at? DM: What the fuck is your accent right now? Beetle, OOC: I don’t fuckin’ know.  You think I know what my accent is? Beetle: I’ve been to so many places, I don’t even know what my accent is anymore.

Prakash: [details everything to do in town] Beetle: That sounds quite hella, boy, thank you - DM, interrupting as Vasir and Phos’s player lose it: What did you just say?

in discord Vasir: KLJGKJF Vasir: "that sounds quite hella, boy, thank you" Vasir: FJLSKFJ

Beetle, OOC and laughing: Thank you for giving me recommendations to do around town - DM, in hysterics: Okay, okay, I’m sorry, you have to repeat that, I just lost it all. Say again? Beetle: That sounds quite lovely -

Prakash: You’re welcome, Doctor. If there’s anything else? Beetle: Dr. Thulphul, if you please. Party: [laughter] Prakash: Of course, Dr. Thulphul. Anything else I can do for you? Beetle: No, that will be all. I’ll be retiring to my quarters. Prakash: Would you like me to show you the way? Beetle: Please, if you will. DM, in hysterics: Oh my god. I’m just - I’m just thinking of how much pleasure Beetle is taking in this, how much fun she’s having. Beetle, OOC: She’s having so much fun. Vasir, OOC: This is almost painful.

Prakash: Now, Voetreer, I understand that you are the bodyguard of the good d - of Dr. Thulphul here. I have you in separate rooms, but if you would prefer to stay together, I’m sure we can make accommodations. Vekar: I suppose I’ll leave it up to the doctor. Beetle: Yes, I would like the security of my bodyguard.

in discord Vasir: voetreer Vasir: HE SOUNDS SO DEAD Vasir: INSIDE Phos: Tsæadhjakad THAT VOICE Beetle: IM WEEPING Beetle: THERE ARE TEARS Phos: IM DYINGdf Phos: ds Phos: fdsnamdnsaldsnad Vasir: ............. Vasir: THAT............................. Vasir: UH Vasir: GOD Vasir: lkSAKFHE Vasir: IM.........I FEEL........................... Vasir: SLKFHJGEfjk Phos: He just inwardly goes: I DONT WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN THIS Vekar: This is vekar inside

DM, laughing: Goddamn. Just let him live. Beetle: Voetreer, of course I will be paying you for this service. Phos, OOC: No, no, [Beetle’s palyer], never say that again, don’t, don’t - DM, in hysterics: Uh, Prakash is giving you a weird look, and he says, um - Prakash: I will get Volutia to help you with the bed, Dr. thulphul. Let me show you to your room. DM: And you can kind of tell he’s like, “uh, okay.” Beetle: What presumptions are you making about me? Prakash: Nothing, nothing, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.

Prakash: I’ll call Volutia about helping you with the bed, Dr. Thulphul. If you’ll excuse me, I need to return to my post - Beetle: Make it post-haste. Prakash: ... Okay.

DM: Every time I hear “Doctor Thulphul,” my brain has a moment of staring into the void and I can’t hear the rest of whatever’s being said.

Beetle, OOC: Is there any way to communicate with each other? Because omni-tools are bugged, so - Vasir, OOC: You know what? It’s called pen and paper. Old-fashioned spy stuff. Beetle, OOC: Oh, yeet. Beetle has a lot of extra paper. Vasir, OOC: And we burn it when we’re done. DM: That’s so fucking terrible.

DM: Roll dex, Vekar. Beetle, OOC: Oh, god. Vekar, OOC: Well, it’s dex. It can’t be that bad. Beetle, OOC: This is going to be so embarrassing. I’m preemptively hurt. DM: I’m glad you’re covering your bases. Beetle, OOC: Like I’m already in pain. Vekar, OOC: Worry not, Doctor, it’s fine. Beetle, OOC: Is it? Vekar, OOC: [rolls an 18] DM: Okay, yeah. Beetle, OOC: Oh, fuck yes.

Beetle: All the voice coaches in the world and none of them can get rid of this accent.

Phos, OOC: I just wanted to hit the intercom and ask whoever’s on the other side, “What happens if we break something in here?” DM: Well, the person on the other end is Prakash, of course. Prakash: If you happen to do that, just let us know, and we’ll get it sorted out. Phos: ... Okay. Prakash: That doesn’t mean you should go breaking things willy-nilly, okay? I just want to make that clear. Phos: It’s just a ‘just in case’ thing, because even with my inventory, I doubt I’d be able to replace something if I broke it. Prakash: No. You would not be able to.

Beetle: I should go inform - inform the person I’m sp - Vasir, OOC: Rach. Beetle: The person I brought with - Vasir, OOC: Rach. Beetle, decisively: The krogan.

Beetle: Vekar, would you mind checking up on Rach for me?

in discord Phos: TAHT IS NOT HIS NAME Phos: beetle said "vekar"

Beetle, OOC: Oh, fuck! Beetle: Voetreer, sometimes I fucking forget your name!

in discord Vekar: say that its one of your dead husbands Vasir: HOLY SHIT Vasir: [Vekar’s player] youre amazing

Beetle: God! You just look like one of my husbands! He passed away tragically from knife-in-the-sternum syndrome.

Phos: That's why there's a need for 'services' Vekar: quick on my feet fast for the memes Beetle: NAT20

Everyone: [laughing] Beetle, OOC, sounding like he’s dying: I’m weeping. DM: Okay, you say this to Vekar. Vekar, what do you do? Vekar: It’s alright, Doctor. I understand the nature of your work. Everyone: [in hysterics] Beetle: Don’t worry, Voetreer, I - you know, sometimes it’s hard. You know, like, um, the voice coach has been working with me on the name thing, too. It just hasn’t taken.

DM: I assume you go find Phos? Vekar, OOC: I go find Rach, yes. DM: Alright, cool. I - I don’t - I don’t know you interact with each other, like, do you knock on the door? Do you just barge in? Do you kick it down? Do you break the door off its hinges? What do you do? Vekar, OOC: I knock on the - Vasir, OOC and laughing: He cryo blasts the door. Vekar, OOC: That’s going to go excellently.

in discord Beetle: beetle still in her room, on the monitor: Space Google Search - earth birds. Big earth birds. Bigger please. What is the biggest earth bird you can find

in discord Vekar: also [Beetle's player] i love boubou but also did you consider "Pithy" Beetle: SDFKJHDFSJHJFHDFD Phos: a good night for brewing vintage memes

Phos, OOC: I’m gonna go to town. Beetle, OOC: Uh... fuck.

Beetle, OOC: Beetle looks at herself at herself in the mirror - and then goes to find Aster. DM: I like that you have to go to the mirror - Beetle, OOC: But like, it’s a really dramatic mirror look, like, she’s doing it, she’s voguing. She’s like, pre-gaming. DM: Pre-gaming what?

drinks (from here)

Potato Blizzard Tonic Snake Noxious Torrent Whipped Orb Spearmint Roar Wasabi Rage Garlic Java Black Parody Sherry Thunder Incredible Tornado Vodka Infusion Oblivious Bull Hushed Eye Blue Velvet Perfect Brew Boiled Petal Spirit Lotus Flower Barrage Cloudy Grog Whiskey Score Wonderful Smash

technical notes

The party examines the foyer. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier.

Vekar → 20 - 4 → 16 Phos → 18 + 1 → 19 Vasir → 17 + 0 → 17 Beetle → 16 + 1 → 17 Aster → 13 + 3 → 16 Isolde → 4 + 3 → 7

Vekar and Vasir check security; Beetle checks to see if there’s anything to loot; Phos looks for weaponry.

Beetle and Phos order a drink. Beetle gets a Black Parody while Phos orders a Vodka Infusion.

The party looks over their respective rooms. Perception roll. 1d20 + perception modifier.

Vekar → 20 - 4 → 16 Vasir → 19 + 0 → 19 Beetle → 3 + 1 → 4

"This room is quite lovely,” Beetle’s player says.

Vekar explains the security systems to Beetle using pen and paper, keeping it out of view of the cameras. Dexterity roll. 1d20 + dexterity modifier → 16 + 2 → 18 He does so.

Beetle covers up her mention of Vekar’s name. Persuasion roll. 1d20 + knowledge modifier → 20 + 1 → 21 She does so beautifully.

Prakash spots Vekar handing Phos the paper detailing security in the rooms. Perception check. 1d20 + perception modifier → 5 + 0 → 5 He doesn’t notice a thing.

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[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW27

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

WALSH

Transfers:

OUT: Kane - sorry lad I love you I hope you understand

IN: KUNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Ended up following through with the pod discussion of Kane out for Kun. Feels shitty to remove Kane after his absurd cap haul for me last week but he's got a fairly poor on paper fixture followed by a blank so he got the chop instead of Zlatz. I am expecting to play with this forward slot and get Lukaku in for Aguero next week but who cares about next week. Kun for DGW feels a must. Also feels great to have my best friend back in FPL. Maybe I'll keep Kun..who knows. After much deliberation I have decided to not go in on a hit for a City mid. It would be an easier decision if I had a midfielder who doesn't have a game in GW28 but as it is they all do so taking a hit and not captaining a midfielder from City feels like spinning wheels. It's still 2 games in 2 gameweeks for a City mid or any of my other fucks. Hopefully my differential of not taking a hit will be a good thing.

GK: Standard Tom. Ho hum. Kill for an away clean...was so close for one last week until that fucking pen. Good sign they didn't concede from open play. Eh but a clean means a Siggy blank. I don't know what I want. 

DEF: Will be going with Baines, Alonso, and Brunt. Baines bad fixture...still praying for a pen. The one game where I feel actually better to have him than Coleman. Cue a Coleman goal. Alonso standard friend...we'll see what he ends up with. And finally, Brunt. Brunt on the shortest of leashes and will be a candidate for the chop immediately after GW28. We'll see. I'm sure he'll get robbed of an assist again. But, it's a home game, so maybe he'll come in with a big score who knows. 

MID: Not the best on paper fixtures for my midfield quartet this weekend. I'm sticking by Barkley at Spurs and mostly for his game in 28. Hopefully he gets me some points over the next couple of weeks. Mane and Phil go at home to Arsenal...hoping for an open game and a goalfest. Feel pretty good about it. Mane should have a rocket up his ass after a horrendous showing against Leicester on Monday. Finally, the ever reliable Sigmund has Burnley at home. Not expecting that one to have loads of goals but as usual if Swansea do bang any home it is likely that Siggy is involved. He's been great since I got him...hasn't blanked since GW21....he's a classy lad. Will probably hold for a while until the big DGWs and shit. 

FWD: Defoe - come on you little bro. Agonizingly close to that goal last weekend against Everton off the bottom of the bar and out and he's on two straight blanks since I got him. It would be very unsurprising to see him pop up with a brace against City. I feel like he's going to have a nice game for me this weekend. Zlatan comes back off his blank and brace in the Cup final with a tremendous fixture home against Bournemouth. Hoping for some big returns from him. Finally, Kun. What is there to say. DGW Kun it is time. 

*TRIPLE* CAP: TRIPLE CAP KUN. I'm firing on it. Fuck it. I was shouting it on the pod and I'm going to follow the pod and go for 12 point Kun goals. The fixtures are too nice and the form is too great to ignore and I don't want to be backed into a corner later in the season where there are so many unknowns. Sure Zlatan or Alexis feels like a better and safer triple cap on a DGW but who knows maybe they both die within the next two months. In Kun I trust.

ALON

Transfers:

OUT: Lukaku and Alli

IN (for -4 points): Kun and Sterling

So I’m all in fuckers. I want Kun to want me and it feels very nice having him back in the squad, especially on a double gameweek. Spoiler alert he’s my captain and I’m gonna rise a million places this week :):):)... Romelu to Kun wasn’t a tough decision for me, we talked about it on the pod too, with Rom @ White Hart Lane his ceiling is very low, and I will just bring him back into my side for Kun next week most likely.

The other transfer is the one I realized after we podded and we didn’t really discuss it at all. But it’s simple as this, transferring someone out who has one fixture between GW27 and GW28 for someone who has two fixtures between the two is simple maths. It makes a -4 a -2 right off the bat, and then add in the fact that Alli has a relatively tough attacking fixture against Everton and Sterling has two bankers, it’s job done. So I have three City guys and one Stoke guy. This is my week I’m telling you. The return of Alon.

GK: Lee Grant double gameweek love. Home ‘Boro the best fixture anyone can have in hopes for a cleansheet.. It would just be sooooo tidy if it started off right because the next match is at the Ethiad.. gimme a clean and a combined like 10 saves between two games.. seems realistic to me :).

DEF: I’m in a 4-4-2 this week but unfortunately not expecting many points from the back. Bainesy is now just a sad player to own despite the terrific returns it feels like a net loss of points every week when Coleman does him in. At Totty pretty awful fixture not much of a shout for a clean but hey who knows maybe this’ll be the week we get a pen. Alonso natural start every week for the rest of the season god legend. Fed Fernandez making his debut in my side with a terrific home banker vs Burnley. Real clean potential here which would be very nice. Knowing life they will not clean but Alfie Mawson will dong since everyone brought him in. And lastly another chance at points in my side for Andy Robertson but at Leicester, is that good anymore? Are they good now? I don’t even know what to expect in this one but I still have some faith in Hull’s overall organization and gameplan.

MID: I’m a proper powder blue Man City fuckboi this weekend and it feels great. New old friend Razza Sterling comes in with the delightful double and joining him is Prince Harry AKA Pure Kev, KDB. A lot of games boys... Maybe KDB will redeem himself after getting me 2 points and 3 points in the two weeks I capped him. Rounding out the mids, Mane is still here. People who are freaking out about making a mistake doing Alexis to Mane need to calm the fuck down. He blanked one week, it was a bad weird game, he’s fine. I’ll still take two Mane games over one Alexis game all day. Back to back homes, he’ll probably score a brace in one of’em, very happy to have Sadio. And lastly Snoddy. I knew at the time of getting Snoddy that I’m just being a dumb bitter fuck by getting him and not Siggy and yep that proved to be exactly right. Siggy is automatic returns every single week and Snoddy is yet to break the duck. But, honestly, whatever, fuck Siggy, he’s on my “to kill” list and will remain there. I’m bad enough rank that holding grudges is something I have the privilege of doing.. Snod home Chelsea, good luck you fuck.

FWD: Only two forwards make this side this GW with the Smashley Barnes red card but they’re two gooooooood ones. Kunny Kun Kun comes in after a long (too long) absence from my squad with the double fuckfest. And Ibra with the maybe best fixture in the league home to a Bournemouth side who cannot NOT concede goals for fun it’s just how they roll. I expect a ton of points here.

*TRIPLE* CAP: SOUND THE ALARMS Y’ALL THE TRIPLE CAP CHIP HAS BEEN PLAYED AND YOU ALREADY KNOWWWWWWWWW IT’S KUN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Walsh made a ton of sound points on the pod and I think he’s spot on. You never really get this lineup of form and fixtures, it’s usually one or the other just by chance. Kun has both. Ridiculously hot fire form and very very good fixtures. It’s time, I believe it is time. I’M BACK BABY.... I hope.