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sedonalace · 8 years ago

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An Interruption- Day 3 Lutteo Fic Week

So last night half of my prompt for today mysteriously got erased and I decided to just write an entirely new one instead. So here’s what I came up with last night

Thank you to @from-red-string B for getting me through the night when I lost everything. Love you.

“Hello I’m your boss and you’re the new employee who just saw me shove an entire cupcake into my mouth.”

It was 6pm on a Thursday afternoon, meaning it was Luna’s mid shift break from the roller. She spent most of her breaks trying to get in as much studying as possible. Or at least that’s what she keeps trying to tell herself. Although that’s what she usually starts doing. But then 5 minutes in, she starts thinking of a dance move and suddenly she has spent her entire break choreographing a new sequence for a competition routine. That’s just a normal break on a normal basis for Luna.

As she “prepares” her text books for “studying” today, she pulls out the paper bag of snacks her mom makes her everyday. Today she made Luna a bunch of mini bite cupcakes. And chocolate, none the less. Luna’s favorite. Her eyes lit up at the site of the delicious delicacies. One after another, Luna begins stuffing her face with mini cupcakes, eating them really almost without biting them.

Suddenly Luna hears Juliana’s voice from around the corner approaching the break room. She is still holding a cupcake in her hand and does not know where to dispose of it. She clears everything out of the way and shoves the cupcake into her mouth. Right as she does that, Juliana enters with Matteo right beside her. “Luna, there you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Juliana huffs.

Luna tries so hard to swallow the cupcake in her mouth without making it extremely obvious, but it’s too much. She is so close to choking. She can’t speak so she just gives a puffed grin, chocolate seeping through. Both Juliana and Matteo can clearly see it. Julia continues, trying not to show too much disgust, "Anyways, I just hired Matteo here as a new Roller assistant. He’ll be working the juice bar. Everyone is rehearsing for the Roller Band, so I need you to show him how everything works. Okay, I’m out.“ And so Juliana proceeds, leaving Matteo with a full faced Luna, who Matteo is trying so hard not to laugh at.

Luna just signals a hand to hold while she grabs a napkin. She turns her back towards him while she discreetly spits out the cupcake into the napkin and quickly throws it into the trash and quickly wipes her mouth.

"So boss, is my first task to stuff a cupcake in my mouth just like you did?” Matteo teases her. Luna sticks her tongue out at him like a child. “Shut up, Chico Fresa,” she rolls her eyes at him. “Why are you even working here now anyway?” She asked him curiously.He stares at the floor, as if he is searching for his answer there. He then looks back up more seriously this time. “Well, I decided that I want to stay in Buenos Aires after all. Not in Oxford. Of course my dad won’t approve of it. Or fund it really. So I’m working to stay here,” he pauses for a brief moment. “For us.”

Luna doesn’t know what exactly to say now. She looks around the room nervously, trying to focus on anything to distract her from blushing. “Uh…-oh yeah let’s get started.” She changes the subject. He looks slightly disappointed, but follows her lead.

They both step behind the bar. Luna starts grabbing random ingredients, the blender, strips, etc. She sets them up all in front of Matteo for his lesson. “Your job is made up of 3 elements: Make, Serve, and Clean. The last two are easy. Making drinks isn’t necessarily hard, but we have our own special recipes for our menu. Add one wrong measurement or ingredient, everything goes in flames.” Luna warns Matteo with a stern look. He looks intimidated already but nods his head in understanding.

Luna shows him each recipe and makes a sample of each. Most of them were already orders and she sends Matteo to deliver them. He delivers each order without a spill or breaking a glass (which should be normal, but to Luna who breaks nearly everything it is not to her).

After teaching him everything, she makes him make an order for Ámbar. He adds in the right ingredients and measurements and Luna is impressed that is until he tries to turn it on. “Uh, how do you start this thing again?” He turns and asks. She rolls her eyes as he should know this by now. Right before she presses the button he gasps, “The lid!” Luna widens her eyes in fear. He quickly adds the lid to the blender and Luna sighs in relief. “How did you nearly forget the lid?!?” She asks him. He shrugs and points it back to her, “yeah okay I know, but at the same time you were about to turn it on without realizing it either. You’re not the only guilty one here.” He smirks at her in defeat.

She rolls her eyes. He was right though. “Ok whatever. Anyways, this is how you turn it on.” She shows him the buttons to press. As she is pointing with her fingers, he places his hands over hers from behind, distracting her from what she was doing. She turns around to see his face better. Big mistake. He is looking down into her eyes, full of passion and lust. They sparkle so brightly, but they are so clear at the same time. She never noticed how deep and rich and brown they were. She never knew how much they had an effect on her. It was like it was her new favorite color.She turns back around as quickly as possible breaking the trance. “Um, you uh…. you-you press…..uh here.” She uses his hand to motion. “And then you hold, um here.” She presses his finger to another button. She holds him there, watching the contents in the blender chop up into slush. It seemed like it was a long while before it finished. She lets his hands go and grabs the blender. She hands it off to him without looking so he can pour it in the glass. She sends him off to deliver it and uses the opportunity to breathe and refocus.

She can’t believe what Matteo had done. It was so unprofessional. But at the same time she was so breath taken and allured. It was so confusing. Her feelings were messing with her. Badly. She didn’t know what to do.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when Matteo comes back bearing an empty tray and setting it underneath. “Okay, is that all?” He asks Luna with a smug grin. She answers back, “uh yeah, that’s all your training I think. I have to get back to work now.” She excuses herself to leave when he pulls her back by her elbow.

“Hey what time are you off at?” Matteo asks as he bites his lip, which drives her crazy. This makes her response delayed by a few seconds, “uh 9, why?” He smiles, “well I get off at 9 too. I can walk you home if you’d like.”

She had trouble processing it, not sure if she had heard correctly. He wanted to walk her home was what he had said. Like alone. There were many possible outcomes of what could happen. But all of them didn’t seem like a bad idea to Luna. This time she smiles confidently back at him, sure of what she is saying, knowing her exact intentions. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Matteo smiled even wider this time. “Great. Meet me at the locker rooms then.” “Okay.” Luna turns back around and walks back to her shift, grinning like an idiot.

She may have had her doubts before about it. But this time, she is willing to take the risks, the falls the jumps. Because this boy wasn’t just anyone. She loved him. More than she had ever loved anyone before. Heck she didn’t even understand love before him. But she had him now, and she didn’t want to let that go. Not now. Not ever.

#lutteoficweek #lutteo #this lowkey turned out better than the original #I think I did ok for doing it at one in the morning on m phone #idk #luna valente #matteo balsano #soy luna #sl #lutteo ff #soy luna ff #sl ff #soy luna fanfiction #lutteo fanfiction #mywrittenworks

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nutriyumaddict · 8 years ago

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Fic prompt AU: Ben is a professor who has come to Pawnee to research some strange phenomenon. Maybe history-related or whatever you want it to be. The only person in town who gives him any help - lots more than he even thinks to ask for - is the Deputy Director of Parks and Rec.

Okay, first of all, this is one of my most favorite prompts that I’ve ever gotten! So much so, that I’ve kind of been hoarding it for…um…six months or so?

I’m so sorry about the delay, anon, but I wanted to wait until I had a really great idea (this was almost a fic about a Pawnee were-raccoon). I think we can all appreciate that I kept waiting for a better idea.

I’ve wanted to do a Splash AU for the longest time and I just realized last week that this prompt kind of works for that!

And, I’m already 11k in, so this is definitely happening and new chapters should be coming pretty quickly.

Also posted on ao3

A Mermaid Tale (Leslie/Ben) (1/6)

Look, he knows his obsession is kind of weird.

Well, wait, no. It’s not really an obsession. It’s more like an interest. A very strong professional interest. In mermaids.

Alright, fine, it’s kind of weird.

But Ben Wyatt isn’t some Weekly World News-reading crackpot–nope. He’s a Professor of Maritime History & Folklore at Indiana University and everything. He even minored in Marine Biology way back when he was an undergrad, so he knows that the ocean (as well as rivers and lakes and even ponds) are pretty amazing places, ecosystem-wise.

If there are giant squid and gray whales and rainbow trout, why is it so hard to imagine that people throughout the ages have almost always claimed to have seen beautiful half-fish women in the murky depths as well?

And if you fall in the water and they swim over to you and hold your hand, deep down, how can you not want to believe it?

* * * * *

Duluth, Minnesota 1982

Seven-year-old Ben’s parents are fighting. Again.

The whole family is on a boat, a sightseeing cruise with some relatives up in Duluth and of course Steve and Julia Wyatt are glaring and heatedly whispering at each other right by the fancy display of shrimp cocktails lined up along the buffet table. It’s not as loud as they usually get, but it’s still fairly clear that they’re arguing.

Ben is hiding from everyone and his ten-year-old brother Henry is off doing who knows what. The last Ben saw him, he was dropping his Star Wars action figures on the ground and laughing while getting down low by all the adults’ feet to scoop them back up. And Stephanie is crying and carrying on in his mother’s arms, all while his parents fight away.

Everyone is ignoring little Benji.

He’s under a table out on the deck when something out in the water catches his eye. It’s a shimmer and then a definite sparkle in the calm water and then…a little blonde head pops up. He smiles at the girl around his age and she smiles back.

She has a big shell necklace around her neck and her eyes are bright blue. Her hair is golden like the sun.

Without even realizing what he’s doing, Ben walks over to the railing to get a closer look. He just wants to see her better and he’s also very curious as to why there’s a girl out in the water. Maybe he should get an adult for help but then she grins at him again and her tail flips up out of the water and Ben finds that he can just fit through the gap in the bars of the railing.

He’s still smiling when he hits the cold Lake Superior water below.

* * * * *

Pawnee, Indiana 2010

It’s a sunny day, so he’s wearing his Ray-Bans as he pulls his Saturn into an empty spot in front of City Hall.

Ben is in Pawnee because he has a google alert set for mermaids and the great lakes. It doesn’t come up with anything all that often, but there have been a handful of mentions about Lake Pawnee of all places over the last few years.

He’s also in Pawnee because last month his girlfriend Victoria moved out of their shared two-bedroom, two-bath condo overlooking Lake Monroe on the outskirts of Bloomington. She left him because he didn’t love her, which still seems massively unfair to Ben. He really wanted to love her. He really tried to love her. Ben just…didn’t. Couldn’t.

Victoria moved out while he was at work and when he got home it was just him and his fish tanks and about half of the furniture. She’d even taken the fancy blender that they had bought together.

So, now seemed like the perfect time to gather up and organize his email folder full of google alerts, bang out a proposal, and try to get approved for a sabbatical from his Assistant Professor position at IU.

At first, he was thinking scholarly article, maybe something he could submit to The Journal of American Folklore but then he figured–no. Think bigger. Think book. That would almost assure his tenure.

And of course, the first step in any book is fieldwork and research. It was the closest location from Bloomington, so he’s here in Pawnee on this sunny Monday in May day to collect data and all the details on possible mermaid sightings in this corner of the Hoosier State. He also plans to visit Kewaunee, Wisconsin, Mackinac Island, Michigan, and Duluth, Minnesota later in the month.

But for convenience sake, southwestern Indiana is his first stop. Pawnee is definitely unique in that it’s not even on one of the Great Lakes. No, any reported sightings here over the years have happened on Lake Pawnee–a deep freshwater 10,750-acre body of water in Wamapoke County, with inflow and outflow sources at Deer Creek.

Once inside the building, after a somewhat scary and confusing trip up to the fourth floor, he eventually gets sent back downstairs to the first floor and to the Parks and Recreation Department.

A sightly imposing and unsmiling man with a full mustache ignores him when he tries to ask questions but then Ben is introduced to a pretty and petite blonde–the Deputy Director of the department. She stares at him intently as she reaches forward to shake his hand. Her skin is warm and soft and for some reason, Ben finds himself wanting to not let go of her hand at all.

But, he does and they end up in a conference room and even though a strange girl with dark hair keeps staring at him menacingly through the glass, Ben turns all of his focus to Leslie Knope.

“I’m really just looking for some preliminary information on Lake Pawnee,” he explains.

“Lake Pawnee? And mermaids?”

Ben nods, opening his laptop.

“Oh,” she scoffs, making a face. “You aren’t interested in Lake Pawnee!”

He looks up, slightly puzzled. “I’m not?”

“No. There are no mermaids there–”

“Okay, I feel like I need to mention again that I know that there are no actual mermaids. I’m not looking for mermaids. I’m looking for talk of mermaids. I’m documenting the occurrences of mermaid folklore. Legends. Oral history. That sort of thing.”

“Right. But still. Lake Pawnee is a complete dead-end. You want to see, uh, the Eagleton Reservoir. Yeah. The Eagleton Reservoir. That’s where everyone in town always talks about when they talk about mermaids. We have the best waffles at JJ’s Diner here in Pawnee and over there, they have all the weirdo mermaid sightings. Ask anyone! Ron? Ron!” She cranes her neck to look out into the work area. “Well, Ron doesn’t care. But if he did, he’d say the same thing.”

Despite the odd start to his project, Ben smiles. And when Leslie smiles back at him, Ben feels himself instinctively scooting closer to the table in his chair.

“How about this?” she suggests. “I can stop working early at five-thirty today. Why don’t you come back here then and I can give you the tour.”

“Of Lake Pawnee?”

“No, Ben,” she chides him lightly. “The Eagleton Reservoir! Oh, well, we can start here at City Hall because that’s where all official tours should begin but then we can go look at the reservoir and finish up with waffles at JJ’s back here in Pawnee, a much better town. For everything,” Leslie pauses. “Except mermaid sightings.”

“Alright.” He agrees with a laugh because, well, he finds himself wanting to spend more time with her for some reason. He’s always had a thing for blondes with blue eyes, plus she does seem to know an awful lot about the area.

She’ll no doubt be a great resource for his research.

#parks and rec drabble #ask box prompts #benslie fic #Splash AU

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sending-the-message · 7 years ago

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I Found another After Action Report in the CIA’s Archive Room by CommanderSection

First post

Second post

Third post

Fourth post

You remember that time your parents told you that the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus wasn’t real? I don’t, because I never believed in them in the first place. When I was growing up, my parents never tried to get me into the whole mythos surrounding fairy tales. Philosophical Realism was something highly prized in our household.

I remember feeling smarter than my classmates whenever they would mention stuff like that. I would make fun of them for it. My teacher caught me doing it once and called my parents. That never amounted to anything, though. A mistaken sense of superiority was another thing highly prized in our household.

So, I might not know what it’s like to learn that Santa Claus isn’t real, but I once came home early from school to find dad cheating on mom with his secretary, and I imagine that’s a similar feeling. I’m feeling that feeling again as I read through the things I found in the archives. But, instead of finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s more like Santa Claus is real and he helped the C.I.A. overthrow democratically elected governments in South America.

Damn, I don’t think I’ve actually shared that document with you yet. Whatever. What I’m trying to say is this: I’ve decided that whatever strange reports I find in the archives aren’t true. They paint a picture that is too terrible to believe or understand, so I choose to do neither.

I suggest you all do the same.

————————————————————————————————————

Central Intelligence Agency

Special Activities Division

2nd Psychic Operations Group

Operation Charon

Base Commander: MG Daniel Manning

Operations Commander: Groves

Unit used: Situational Shifters

Preamble: Intel suggests that an important asset may be acquired by having an agent infiltrate a social gathering, hosted and attended by the social and financial elite. The agent would infiltrate the gathering, locate the asset, acquire the asset and quietly exfiltrate.

Planning Transcript:

MG Manning: I have to say, I hate the name.

CMMDR Groves: Which one? The operation name or the unit name?

MG Manning: Both. But mainly the unit name.

CMMDR Groves: What’s wrong with it?

MG Manning: Situational Shifters? It sounds like a comic book superhero team. It’s dumb and childish.

CMMDR Groves: Give it a couple of years, it’ll grow on you. In the meantime, have a look at this.

(Groves hands Manning a piece of paper.)

MG Manning: What’s this?

CMMDR Groves: It’s a list of people Julia’s father says Julia’s mother knows or at least has met.

MG Manning: Alright.

CMMDR Groves: Now take a look at this. It’s a list of people who are going to attend The Ball.

MG Manning: A lot of matches.

CMMDR Groves: Correct. If we infiltrate that ball, we’ll probably be able to acquire Julia’s mother or at least, ascertain her whereabouts.

MG Manning: And why would we want to do that?

CMMDR Groves: Didn’t you read General Westmoreland’s reports?

MG Manning: I’m still technically Army, not C.I.A. They have to be cleared before I can use them.

(The navigator appears.)

Navigator: Fucking Spooks never change, huh?

MG Manning: Jesus Christ Fuck!

Navigator: And to answer your earlier question, we want to do that for little Julia. She’s kinda…

CMMDR Groves: Unpredictable.

Navigator: Whorish and unstable, yeah. And since we’ve neither seen nor heard tell of her mother before we picked up her dad, it safe to assume that she has her abilities under control. If we’re going to have any hope of turning Julia into a useful operative, we’re going to need someone who can make Julia less—

CMMDR Groves: —Unpredictable. Understand?

MG Manning: Yes. Do you need army escort?

CMMDR Groves: No, the name of the game is stealth and infiltration. I’ll be going in alone.

MG Manning: You sure that’s wise?

CMMDR Groves: Well, I won’t technically be alone. I’ll have my navigator with me.

Navigator: Yeah.

MG Manning: Navigator, huh? Did you name him that?

CMMDR Groves: Yeah, why?

MG Manning: No reason. OK, this sounds simple enough, but I don’t suppose you can sneak in a whole armored truck full of weapons with your powers.

CMMDR Groves: Ah… maybe like, a small one, like one the size of a small metal box.

MG Manning: Then, I’ll have some National Guardsmen stationed in safe houses just outside the event perimeter. If things get hot, they’ll cordon off the area, evacuate any witnesses and if necessary, provide direct fire support.

CMMDR Groves: I’m afraid that’s not all. Have another look at that guest list—-other than the names I pointed out, do you recognize any of them?

MG Manning: Can’t say I do.

Navigator: Me neither, and so I did some snooping while I was drawing the plan up. Every attendee has some kind of distant connection to someone rich or powerful. There's a lot of those fucking old ass families that have been in America since the stone age, but they have no significant media presence. Couldn’t even get pictures.

CMMDR Groves: Also, check this out. It’s a ring that used to belong to Julia’s mother.

(On the silver ring is a shield that is separated into two by a red line. On one side is the moon and an oddly drawn star, on the other is a dragon with its tail wrapped around its neck.)

MG Manning: Huh, think we’re dealing with a cult?

Navigator: Well it’s a bunch of really rich and powerful people having a party. I’d be surprised if there wasn’t any cult shit afoot.

CMMDR Groves: Still, it’s a really weird situation, even for a cult. Whatever it is, if the asset’s there, I’ll find and secure her.

MG Manning: Before you go, though. Dr. Lecter says you should visit Julia.

CMMDR Groves/ Navigator: What?!

MG Manning: Yeah, apparently she wants to talk to you.

CMMDR Groves: Why?

MG Manning: He wouldn’t tell me, he said that I wasn’t cleared yet.

(Groves goes to Julia’s room. He opens the door, but makes sure to keep his distance.)

CMMDR Groves: Hey, kid. Doc said you wanted to see me.

Julia: …

CMMDR Groves: Uh, kid?

Julia: You’re leaving, aren’t you?

CMMDR Groves: ...Yeah.

Julia: You’re leaving because you hate me, right?

CMMDR Groves: What?

Julia: You’re leaving just like my mom and dad.

CMMDR Groves: Nah kid, it ain’t like that. I’m just going out for a bit, I’ll be back before you know it.

(Julia rushes up to Groves and hugs him.)

Julia: You’re lying! My dad said the same thing about mom, but she never came back.

CMMDR Groves: Okay, okay, look, Julia. You know what a pinky promise is?

(Julia sniffles and wipes her face.)

Julia: That’s just stupid kid stuff.

CMMDR Groves: Well I guess we’re lucky that you’re still a stupid kid, aren’t we?

Julia: Am not. I’m almost 13.

CMMDR Groves: Even more luck. That’s still young enough to believe in pinky promises.

Julia: Everyone knows that they don’t work.

CMMDR Groves: Well, we’re not everybody else, are we? We’re special. When special people make pinky promises, they have to do whatever they promise, no matter what.

Julia: That’s not true… Is it?

CMMDR Groves: It certainly is, but if you don’t want to—-

Julia: I do! I do!

(Julia hooks her pinky on Grove’s pinky.)

Julia: What should I promise?

CMMDR Groves: You have to promise to be good from now on. No more using your powers on the guards to have them bring you more crayons or dresses, and you have to do your best in all the tests from now on, okay?

Julia: Okay.

CMMDR Groves: And I promise that I’ll come back, not just this time but every time. I’m not going to leave you alone like your parents. And I might even bring you back a surprise, but only if you're good, okay?

(Julia suddenly reaches up and bites Groves’ neck.)

CMMDR Groves: Ow! Fuck!

Julia: Promise.

————————————————————————————————————

Mission Transcript:

(A local limousine was contracted to take Groves to the event. This was done through a third party to distance the agency from the operation. The Area of Operations (AO) is a mansion belonging to a Vieux Riche Brood, named the Bathory Family.

As Groves arrives, he is greeted by tall, heavily built and heavily armed guards. They remain silent and motionless, only pointing to the front doors with a grunt after they’ve searched Groves’ and see his silver ring. Moving through the front doors, Groves arrives in a hall filled with other guests.

While looking around, Groves sends out a general mental probe for information. This proves unsuccessful. Groves sees a nervous looking young man rubbing his ring finger. Groves takes a deep breath and goes over.)

CMMDR Groves: Hey kid, you see that guy?

Nervous Man: Excuse me, sir?

CMMDR Groves: Over there, by the painting, you see him?

Nervous Man: The guy in the Maroon Suit, Jason Bathory?

CMMDR Groves: No, the guy talking to him.

Nervous Man: You mean Charlie Hedley?

CMMDR Groves: Yeah, him. There’s talk that when he’s at home, he has some fruit gathered up, you know, bananas, apples, pumpkins--

Nervous Man:--Wait, are pumpkins fruit?

CMMDR Groves: Indeed they are.

Nervous Man: Are you sure?

CMMDR Groves: I’m sure. Hedley is very particular about this type of thing. Do you think Hedley’s the type of person to mix up his fruits like that?

Nervous Man: No, you’re right, you’re right. That doesn’t sound like Mr. Hedley at all.

CMMDR Groves: So he takes all the fruit, has them peeled, then diced up and put into a blender with some ice. He then blends them, but crucially, he doesn’t use the liquify setting.

Nervous Man: Why doesn’t he liquefy?

CMMDR Groves: That’ll become clear in a moment. Anyway, he blends them up, then he stands on his head, his servants hold his legs apart, he has a funnel inserted into his rectum, and then has his fruit concoction poured in.

Nervous Man: My god.

CMMDR Groves: He doesn’t liquify so there are still small chunks in it, and he likes the way they feel. He calls it a ‘Reverse Milkshake’.

Nervous Man: I can’t believe it.

CMMDR Groves: That’s not all. Take a good look around.

Nervous Man: Okay.

CMMDR Groves: Half the people you see here have had things shoved up their rectum. There’s no reason to be nervous around them. The name’s Jackson, Jack Jackson.

Nervous Man: Uh, Richard Sherman, and... and, thank you, sir.

CMMDR Groves: No need for all that. What’s got you so rattled?

Richard Sherman: Uh, I’m to be initiated. See, my family has been supporting the Bathory Family for some time and now they’ve decided to bring us into the fold, so to speak. I’m going to be the first of my family to be officially part of... well, you know?

CMMDR Groves: Yeah, I know.

(Richard checks his watch.)

Richard Sherman: Oh! I have to go now.

CMMDR Groves: Is the Initiation starting?

Richard Sherman: Oh no. That’s still going to be a while, but I want to get there early so that I can ask some questions. But uhh, you’re going to be in the dining hall later, right?

CMMDR Groves: Yes.

Richard Sherman: I know it’s not usually done, but do you think, if you’re not with anyone of course, that I might be able to sit with you after I’m finished with the Initiation? It’s just that I don’t know anyone yet, and I know that people will say, but you’ve been so nice—-

CMMDR Groves: Whoah. Slow down, man. I’m here by myself, so when you’re all finished up, come find me and you can tell me all about it.

Richard Sherman: Oh, thank you, sir! I will. Thank you.

(Richard then walks off. Groves goes up to one of the masked guards and asks him directions to the bathroom. Like the guards who searched him when he first arrived, the guard doesn’t speak, only gesturing and grunting. Despite the crude instruction, Groves manages to find the bathroom.

After the operation, Groves revealed that he approached Richard because his mind was the most open of anyone he had met at the party. At the time, Groves attributed the mental resistance of the guests and guards to the probable cult brainwashing.

In the bathroom, Groves selects a stall and sits down on the toilet within. In his head, neurons start firing in a weird way and in the air vent high above the bathroom, The Navigator materializes. Without saying a word, Groves flushes the toilet and leaves the bathroom, while The Navigator goes off in search of the Initiation Room.

Leaving the bathroom, Groves notices that the all other guests are moving towards a large dining area. As Groves follows, he exchanges a look with the man in the maroon suit that he noticed earlier. The man has a puzzled look on his face. Fearing detection, Groves hurries along.

Around the same time, The Navigator was carefully making his way through the vents. From where he started, the vents split into vertical, diverging, smaller paths. One path led to a large generator, humming and working in the dim light. Another path led to a room containing a large gas main. Another led to a security room. Another led to a dark room that appeared to hold strange machinery. And another led to the room that contained Julia’s mother.

Arriving in the dining hall, Groves takes in the scenery. Like all other rooms, there are no windows. Electrical light fixtures made up to look like dragons and dark red curtains patterned with gold symbols adorn the walls. In the center of the ceiling hangs a large classical chandelier. A masked servant approaches Groves, asks him how many people are in his party and directs him to table far off in a corner. He then leaves before Groves can tell him that another person might be dropping by.

Groves weaves through the crowds of arriving guests, looking for an extra chair. Most other tables were filled or were being filled, but near the center of the room, he spots a table with 4 chairs, only one of which was occupied. Sitting in that chair was a red haired lady, who The Navigator described as such:

“My greatest dreams and nightmares all rolled into one fucking bombshell. Big tits, big ass, and a waist the size of a fly’s pecker. She had long flowing hair that perfectly accentuated her assets and she a was a cherry red and a frown that could knock a rampaging bull on its ass. I tell you, of all the people that I’ve ever wanted to fuck, she is certainly one of them.”

Groves walks up and grabs a chair.)

Bombshell: No.

CMMDR Groves: Oh, I’m sorry, I—

Bombshell: You should be sorry. I don’t know what family you’re from, but if you think you can just walk up and sit here with me and my brother—

CMMDR Groves: I don’t want to sit with you. I just want to take a chair for my friend. He’s doing his, uh, initiation and they gave me a table with only one seat.

Bombshell:...

CMMDR Groves: Are you with anybody? Will you need the chair?

Bombshell:...

CMMDR Groves: So... may I take the chair?

Bombshell: You may not.

CMMDR Groves: Okay

(Groves makes to move away from the table.)

Bombshell: Sit.

CMMDR Groves: Excuse me?

Bombshell: Sit down.

(Groves sits. The lady gazes at Groves for a while.)

Bombshell: Do you know who I am?

CMMDR Groves: No.

Bombshell:...

CMMDR Groves:...

Bombshell: Do you want to know who I am?

CMMDR Groves: Are you someone important?

Bombshell: In some circles, yes.

CMMDR Groves: Then I don’t particularly care who you are.

Bombshell: Why is that?

CMMDR Groves: Because that doesn’t mean anything, everyone is important in some circles.

Bombshell:...What family are you from?

CMMDR Groves: An important one.

Bombshell: Is that so?

CMMDR Groves: Not nearly as important as your family, I suspect.

Bombshell: And what exactly would you know of the importance of my family, when you don’t even know who I am?

CMMDR Groves: Well, it was just a suspicion. One based on your bearing and your... prideful language.

Bombshell: Do you truly not know who I am?

CMMDR Groves: I truly do not, but I have a suspicion.

Bombshell: And what might that be?

CMMDR Groves: That you are one of the sibling successors of the Bathory Family.

Bombshell: And what is that suspicion based on?

CMMDR Groves: Once again, on your bearing. It matches the bearing of another guest that I saw when I first arrived. A one, Jonathan Bathory, who I assume is your brother.

Bombshell:...

CMMDR Groves: Also, you, like your families house, is extensively decorated in a dark red, or maroon-ish color.

Bombshell: How very astute of you.

CMMDR Groves: Thank you.

Bombshell: Any more suspicions?

CMMDR Groves: Lots. But how about some gossip instead?

(Groves then tells the story of Charlie Hedley and his “Reverse Milkshake”. As he finishes, Jonathan Bathory and Charlie Hedley arrive in the dining room and approach the table.)

Jonathan: Alexa.

(The lady turns to him and gives him a scowl.)

Alexa: Jonathan. You’re late.

Jonathan: And I apologize, but it seems you’ve kept yourself busy. Who’s this?

Alexa: A very astute man, looking for an extra chair.

Jonathan: Well, he can have them all if he likes. We won’t be staying for dinner; father wants us back at the estate immediately.

(Hedley scowls at Groves and Groves smiles back at him. But unbeknownst to the other guests, the reason for Groves’ smile was that it was at this time that The Navigator had located Julia’s mother.

She was on a wall with weird holes and carvings, and she was being held up by stakes that had been driven through her flesh. Two were through each of her hands, two through her legs and five through each of her large wings. Trying to pull the stakes out proves fruitless and upon closer inspection, the wall seemed to be some kind of powered magnetic field generator kept the stakes in.

Surmising that the field could be shut down in the Security Room, The Navigator climbs back into the vents and heads there. However, while climbing, his foot slips and he ends up crashing through a vent covering into the dark room full of weird machinery.

In the dining room, Hedley is busy trying to squeeze a meeting between their father and him out of the siblings.)

Alexa: Go shove a pineapple up your ass, Hedley. If father wants to meet with you, then he’ll meet with you. Your constant badgering of us is not going to expedite matters.

Hedley: My deepest apologies, Mrs. Bathory. Please allow me to see you both out.

(They all start to leave, except for Jonathan who stays behind just long enough to say one thing.)

Jonathan: Enjoy the dinner.

(Taking a moment to scan the dining room, Groves’ eyes fall upon the nervous face of his most recently made friend, Richard. He beckons the nervous man over to the table.)

Richard Sherman: Hello, sir.

CMMDR Groves: Hey. Seems like we’ve got one of the best tables. I was originally over there in the corner, you see, but I went looking for an extra chair and I ended up talking to those Bathory siblings. That Alexa was a fox. I’ll tell you all about it after we talk about your initiation.

Richard Sherman: ...

CMMDR Groves: Richard? Are you alright?

Richard Sherman:... I couldn’t do it. Was it always like that? Did you have to do it too?

CMMDR Groves: What do you mean?

(Richard was crying now.)

Richard Sherman: Some of them were kids.

(It was at this moment that The Navigator properly surveyed the dark room. It was packed full of corpses. Naked bodies of all types, skinny, fat, pale and tan, lay about the room. The machines worked tirelessly preparing the bodies for the aforementioned dinner. Some diced, some vivisected, some crushed, some mashed, but all filled Groves/The Navigator with sadness and rage. And like Richard said, there were quite a few children.)

Groves: Oh god.

(Groves then notices Hedley walking towards the table with two masked guards at his side.)

CMMDR Groves: Richard, know that I could never do something like that. Now, I turn the question back to you, and I’ll need your answer quickly. Could you, or would you, ever do something like that?

Richard Sherman: ...

(Hedley was getting closer now.)

CMMDR Groves: I need an answer now, damn it!

Richard Sherman: ...Never.

CMMDR Groves: You remember that table in the corner? Get up and walk to it, slowly. Don’t run and don’t look back. And don’t move until I come for you, okay? Go.

(Richard does as he is told. As he leaves, Hedley arrives with the two guards.)

Hedley: Excuse me, sir, but may I have a word?

CMMDR Groves: Of course. Please, sit.

(Hedley sits.)

Hedley: Now listen, sir--

CMMDR Groves: No, you listen, fuckface. Hear that?

(Groves chambers a round into the pistol he snuck past the guards.)

CMMDR Groves: That’s the sound of me pointing an M1911 at your balls. Tell your friends to back off.

(Hedley complies.)

Hedley: How did you get a gun onto the premises?

CMMDR Groves: I’ve a certain knack for hiding things, and funnily enough, I’ve also a certain knack for blowing people's nuts off, so I'd appreciate you being quiet and doing exactly what I say.

Hedley: You have no idea what you’re getting into, do you? Do you have any idea who we are, what we are? Do you honestly expect to leave here alive?

CMMDR Groves: I know exactly what you all are. Do it.

Hedley: Do what?

CMMDR Groves: You know goddamn well what.

Hedley:...

(The skin around Hedley’s face starts to stretch, his ears begin to elongate, his suits starts to rip at the back as large spikes protrude out and his jaw distends to make way for the large jagged teeth bursting out of his gums. And then several things happen at once:

Groves shoots Hedley in the balls, causing him to howl and attract the attention of the other guards and guests, Groves uses his ability to smash the two empty chairs at the table into the faces of the guards that Hedley brought over, and The Navigator, who had infiltrated the Security room, turned off the lights in the dining room.

In the next moment several more things happen at once:

All the guards that had heard Hedley’s scream rushed to the table in complete darkness, the lights were turned back on, revealing to the newly arrived guards that only a severely injured Hedley and two dazed guards remained at the table, the classical chandelier, that Groves had spent the last few minutes loosening, fell down onto the table below, killing or incapacitating the guards, and Groves grabs Richard and runs out of the dining room.)

Richard Sherman: Jesus Christ!

CMMDR Groves: Even though you’ve probably surmised it by now, I’ll take this time to confirm your suspicions. I’m not who I convinced you I was, and I’m certainly not one of these man eating monsters. I’m Leslie Groves and I’m with the C.I.A.

Richard Sherman: No disrespect to you sir, but I don’t give a damn about who you are right now. We need to get the hell out of here!

CMMDR Groves: You’re absolutely right, Richard, but I suspect that the guards have already locked down all the exits and are sending out patrols to find us as we speak.

Richard Sherman: Then what the hell are we supposed to do?

CMMDR Groves: Don’t you worry, Richard. I’ve already secured us an avenue of escape.

Richard Sherman: Thank god.

CMMDR Groves: But before we can leave. We have to go pick something up. I promised a stupid, little kid I’d bring her a present.

Richard Sherman: Are you out of your mind? What the hell are you talking about?

CMMDR Groves: You’ll see when we get there.

Richard Sherman: Fine! Fine! Let’s just get this... whatever and go. It won’t take long, will it?

CMMDR Groves: I hope not. We don’t have much time left.

Richard Sherman: ...What do you mean?

CMMDR Groves: I mean, that I’ve opened a gas main under the house and sabotaged an underground generator. So in a few moments, it’ll explode and destroy this whole house and everyone in it.

Richard Sherman: ...

(As Richard fell silent and Richard began to whimper, The Navigator was in the security room turning off the magnetic field that was holding Julia’s mother, hereafter referred to as JM. He then went into the vents and headed back to the room with Julia’s mother. As soon as he dropped into the room he was immediately smashed into the wall by JM and had his guts ripped out, causing him to dematerialize.)

CMMDR Groves: Oh shit. ** Richard Sherman:** What?

CMMDR Groves: Change of plans, we’re heading immediately for the exit.

Richard Sherman: Thank God. I was beginning to think... wait. Do you hear that? It sounds like gunshots.

CMMDR Groves: It sounds like screaming.

(It was actually the sound of JM tearing through a patrol of armed guards, one hallway over. As soon as she was finished with the guards, JM flew through the halls, knocked Richard away with a wing before snatching Groves up and smashing him into a wall, which knocked his pistol away. She raises a clawed hand towards Groves' face, before pausing to give the air a sniff.)

JM: She marked you.

(JM puts her nose against Groves’ neck and gives a deep sniff. She then says...)

JM: Keep her safe.

(She then grabs Groves by his chest, flies into a nearby vent covering and begins climbing through the vents, using her wings as makeshift limbs. The path she takes eventually leads outside. She just makes it out and begins to unfurl her wings, when the house is engulfed in a loud explosion. The explosion causes JM to drop Groves far away from the house. Flying overhead a few times to see if he was still alive, JM then flies off.

A few minutes later, Groves is approached by Major General Manning, who is flanked by two armed Army Personnel in civilian clothes.)

MG Manning: So, stealth and infiltration, were the names of the game, huh?

CMMDR Groves: It was. Until things got fucked up.

MG Manning: Can you walk?

CMMDR Groves: I think so.

MG Manning: Then let’s get the hell out of here before the local police show up.

CMMDR Groves: I don’t suppose you brought my paints with you?

MG Manning: Of course, they’re in the truck right next to the bidet.

CMMDR Groves: Then I’ll need some pencils and paper.

MG Manning: You’ve got it. Now let's...

(Just then, the still blazing rubble of the house moves away to reveal a naked man, who is completely engulfed by flames. The two Army operators train their rifles on the strange figure but are told to stand down by Groves. Groves recognizes the figure.)

CMMDR Groves: Is that you, Richard?

(Major General Manning sighs and rubs his temple.)

MG Manning: Friend of yours?

————————————————————————————————————

Post Mission Transcript:

MG Manning: So, while we were out, the Director of National Intelligence called.

CMMDR Groves: Oh shit. Is he losing faith in us?

MG Manning: Well, we did blow up a building, kill numerous people and fail to achieve our primary objective.

CMMDR Groves: So is that a...

MG Manning: He wants to give us more money.

CMMDR Groves: What a pleasant surprise.

MG Manning: I mean, you did uncover a secret society of flesh eating, blood sucking monsters.

CMMDR Groves: I’ll have to call and thank him later. Can you have Richard set up with a room?

MG Manning: Sure. Uh, he’s not going to burst into flames again, is he?

CMMDR Groves: I certainly hope so. He’d make a poor Situational Shifter otherwise. Anything else?

MG Manning: Yeah, Dr. Lecter wants to talk to you. He says it about Subject 6.

CMMDR Groves: Take him the drawings I made of Hedley and Julia’s mother and tell him I’ll be by later. I still have something to do.

(Groves then goes to visit Julia. He opens the door and steps into the room.)

CMMDR Groves: Sorry kid, but I didn’t manage to bring back the surprise I talked--

(Groves is interrupted by Julia running full force into him and wrapping her arms around his waist. Julia starts crying.)

Julia: You came back. You came back.

(Groves considers something for a moment before leaning down and hugging Julia back.)

#reddit #nosleep #scary #story

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adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182227933232

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allofbeercom · 6 years ago