#'i am a selfish person I'm doing this for me' SIT DOWN YOU LIAR

[butterfirefly]

I'm duct taping Lloyd Frontera onto the ceiling and keeping him there till he learns to take care of himself as excellently as he takes care of other people's problems.

[letters2won]

GOOD 4 U!

03; Bewitched

Your legs bounces up and down as the realization hits you.

You’re not a regretful person. You don’t regret accidentally taking a raccoon home instead of your beloved dog or how you showed a Jacob Elordi edit in front of your English class when you meant to present your presentation on “The Outsiders”.

But fake dating? not your smartest idea…

You have to be crazy for suggesting it. You have to be even crazier to agree to it. But what do you expect from a down bad admirer and a girl who wishes to move on?

The adored cat-like boy sitting across from you, felt his hands get sweaty. He knows you’re here to lay out some ground rules, but this was basically a date in his eyes!

You two sat in awkward silence, unsure on how to start the conversation. “Can’t believe your ex hates my guts… I'm just a silly little guy!” he joked out and you let a giggle slip out.

After that small joke he made, you guys were able to relax and have a smooth conversation. Jungwon even managed to started a debate on how cats were better than dogs.

“You’re literally betraying your own dog right now!” you said through fits of giggles. He was laughing alongside you as he ate the shared cake you guys got.

Soon after you two were full off of sweets and had calmed down, deciding it was best to start the rules as you see the sun setting.

“How should we go about this..?” he began, trying to hide his excitement.

You pondered for a minute before responding, “Rule number one! Don’t fall in love!”

Jungwon's smile falters a little before he proceeds to roll his eyes, “Seriously? Am I not your type?” he teased.

“Maybe if you were Choso..” you seriously considered and he glared at you.

“Of course you’re a Jujutsu Kaisen fan.. it all makes sense now.”

“HEY?!”

You huffed and then continued, “Oh another one! Rule number two, we hold hands and give each cheek kisses to make it believable!”

Jungwon's eyes widened. He only ever imagined giving you small pecks of kisses, he can’t believe his manifestations are coming true right now. You on the other hand can’t believe you really came up with that. Feeling embarrassed, you moved on rather quickly.

“Oh! I got one! Rule number three, only our close friends will know the truth.”

“Do we have to let them in on our plans..” he mumbled.

“Well yea! I suck at lying, I even got a whole medal at home for being the worst liar in school!” which you stated a little too proudly. He should’ve questioned that but he didn’t, instead he gave you a love sick smile and sighed dreamily, “You’re so talented…”

“Rule number four, We go on dates every friday or saturday!”

Jungwon added on, “We should also always go to each events..” and you weighed the pros and cons of that. For a second, you almost forgot that this was your student council president that was going along with everything that you were saying.

He plays such an important role for the school yet here you are dragging him into your little petty revenge plan on your ex without an incentive.

“Jungwon, what do you want to benefit from this? I feel kind of selfish for only thinking about my side of the plan..”

He let out a hum before giving you his famous dimpled smile which has you bewitched. “I want to spend more time with you in all of this.”

There it is again, that funny feeling. Something about Jungwon is making your heart do somersaults and cartwheels. You’re still confused about what's happening and tried to push it aside. You never felt like this with your ex so why now?

You cleared your throat after realizing you were staring at him with a dumbfounded look for a good moment, “O-oh okay! Easy peasy!”

He let out a breathy laugh as you tried acting nonchalant, shifting in your seat feeling your face get hot. “Moving on! For the last rule…hm.” You two started thinking hard, almost felt like your thinking caps were going to explode any second now.

You gasped and gave him a wide smile, “ Rule number five, every Thursday you watch the new Jujutsu Kaisen episode with me.” He gave you a deadpanned look.

“I’m not watching Jujutsu Kaisen with you.”

“Please! None of my friends wants to watch or hear my thoughts and since you’re my soon to be boyfriend you have to tune in to my rant sessions about them!” you rambled on, giving him those expecting wide eyes.

Jungwon was gone. He had officially lost it. Soon to be boyfriend? Yeah, he’s agreeing with everything you're saying from now on.

“I’ll do anything you ask me from now on queen!”

Oh boy… he is down bad.

PREV ✩ MASTERLIST ✩ NEXT

╰┈➤ this feels kind of rushed… i hope you guys enjoyed </3

SYNOPSIS in which you’re DEFINITELY not upset that your ex moved on really easily (spoiler alert: you are!). Yang Jungwon, the student council president is glad your ex moved on because it’s time for him to shoot his shot (just not in the way he wanted.. a win is a win in his book!)

TAGLIST < open > @firstclassjaylee @sincerelyrki @w0nslvr @poollabug @mrchweeee @nanuer @jwonistic @nyfwyeonjun @jiamini

[latibvles]

Hiya friend, a big happy fic birthday to you and thank you for this lovely ask meme! For the One Year Inbox Game, I'd love to introduce Jo Brandt. A keen observer with a sharp and thoughtful voice, she heads overseas to cover the war in Europe as a correspondent for a Philadelphia newspaper. Her preference for blending in and letting her subjects lead the story tends to blur into her personal life, at least when we meet her. She grew up with very little, as did her friends, is deeply caring, a terrible liar, and hasn't gotten a good night's sleep since 1937. Her story is in progress, but snippets can be found on @shoshiwrites.

For those of you unaware, I opened up this inbox game in September to celebrate one year of writing my longfic. While I am not taking anymore submissions, one of the submissions in my inbox will be posted every week at 12pm EST! I hope you enjoy reading about all these lovely characters I'm being allowed to play with.

JO!!! JO!!!!! I have a big fat girl crush on her guys, just so we're all clear. Anyways, you can check out more of her here as mentioned by shoshi herself. Now, let me be selfish here for a little while and toss her in the ring with Miss Daisy herself. Because there's something really important about Daisy, who thinks she went by unnoticed, and Jo, with an eye for things. Have some postwar sweetness with the girls, with Daisy quickly learning she's not the only one who remembers:

—

There’s no reason for her to be nervous. Seriously, there’s absolutely no reason. In fact, Ron teased her days prior about it because it was so incredulous. But here she was, nervous, sitting in a coffee shop and warming her hands and staring out the window.

Get a grip, is her sentence of choice when scolding herself internally, it’s Jo, for Christ’s sake.

Okay, so maybe it’s not about the Jo of it but rather the fact that this could go one of two ways — the reopening of old stitches or a trip down memory lane. And either one kind of terrified her, even if it was for a good cause. She’d felt elated on the phone, talking to her, and now that was wearing off and the weight of what she’s doing is settling on her shoulders again.

But someone has to remember everything and she doesn’t mind being that person. She doesn’t mind answering the questions, or trying to write it down so all those women don’t just fall to the wayside. And she knew that Jo had a good pair of eyes. A great pair, even — seeing things that no one else manages to catch and well, hadn’t that been the whole of Daisy’s war? The unseen part, the bloody bandages changed out of frame. Sure, some of them were pretty enough for magazine covers, but it wasn’t like any of them really wanted to talk about what happened after the shot anymore.

They could be forgotten, and there’s a part of Daisy that just can’t let that happen. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right and if the war left her with anyone, at least it imbued her with a sense of urgency at times like this.

Speaking of eyes, her own snap up to meet familiar warm brown irises when the little bell rings and the woman herself walks through the door in a brown houndstooth coat and a folder tucked under one arm like precious cargo. The nerves that were certain to swallow her whole are almost soothed by the fact that it’s Jo, and Jo knows why it matters, and they’re going to bump shoulders the whole trip down memory lane.

It could be terrifying, but it doesn’t have to be.

Impulsively, and maybe just slightly imbued by the sight of her, Daisy straightens up with a smile.

“That’s the jacket!” serves as her hello, and Jo returns the smile.

“You remember that?” she asks, almost rhetorically. There was a story there, about a houndstooth jacket, and about Jo’s skill with a needle — because sometimes normalcy came in the form of talking about the mismatched buttons and stray threads of patches on a uniform coat. 

“Of course I do,” The reply comes out just as easily as her first statement as Jo takes the seat across from her, file placed between them like a spirit board at a children’s slumber party. “Thanks for this, by the way.” Jo gives her a knowing look, a smile that edges on a tease with how it tugs at her lips.

“Third time you’ve thanked me, Clarke.”

“And there’ll be a fourth time too, knowing me,” She doesn’t protest, but she does go to open up the folder, pulling out pictures and spreading them out between them. Daisy can feel a sharp tug at her chest at the sight. She recognizes the faces spread out before her — Ginny sandwiched between two familiar officers, looking every bit like Madame President, even on the side of that beaten dirt path in the Netherlands. Another of Patty with a bright grin, her hand merely a suggestive blur as a result of her reflexive wave. There’s Rita who’s face is contorted in what has to be a scold for the man in front of her.

There’s one of Joe and Daisy herself, where she’s in the midst of messing with his bandages. The fact that they’re pulling the same grumpy face, no doubt sick of the former getting pelted by anything and everything, makes her laugh a little as she points to it, and Jo laughs too.

And then there’s one, so familiar it’s like she’s there. Spina, Roe, herself, and Laura all sat in a circle in Mourmelon, cards between them, cigarette hanging from Eugene’s lips and furling up and into the air. She can still imagine the bite of November cold, and the way Laura’s eyes lit up when she won twice in a row. A lump forms in her throat that she has to swallow.

“Didn’t think anyone noticed all this,” Daisy breathes out, feeling honest and raw but not terrified of the fact. Jo gives her one of those quiet, meaningful looks of hers.

“I did.”

[cozza-frenzy]

Trained

(Author's note: Trigger warning for abuse, gaslighting, and dehumanization. This poem reflects the lived experiences of a person with a dissociative disorder stemming from severe trauma. Proceed at your own risk.) Sit down. Shut up. Play with your toys. No, not those toys, these toys. Why don't you ever play with these toys? Why won't you do this one thing for me? Why are you so ungrateful? Why don't you love me enough? Why am I a failure as a parent? Everyone plays with these toys and loves them. Everyone thinks you're weird when you don't. Now what do you say? Good ■■■. Sit down. Shut up. Yes, we know you're excited. You're just too excited, you need to be less excited. Don't you realize that everyone is looking at you? Don't you see, look over there, they're staring at you? Don't you get why everyone's looking at you? Don't you think I look like a bad parent? Nobody else gets excited over things like this. Nobody else gets excited over weird things. Now what do you say? Good ■■■.

Sit down. Shut up. You can't expect too much from others. You're too stubborn, you need to compromise. Isn't it fair that you put your own interests aside for others? Isn't it fair you pretend to be interested in the things they like? Isn't it fair to put others first? Isn't it fair that I deserve a child who's popular? People are going to be so happy if you pretend. People will only love you if you stop being so selfish. Now what do you say? Good ■■■

Sit down. Shut up. No, that didn't happen, I don't know what you mean. It obviously didn't, you're remembering wrong. Can't you just let bygones be bygones? Can't you just forgive people? Can't you just accept that everyone makes mistakes? Can't you just agree to disagree? Can't you just do this for your family? It's so much easier when we share the blame. It's so much easier when you agree it was your fault. Now what do you say? Good ■■■

Sit down. Shut up. There is something wrong with you. No, there is something deeply wrong with you. You're too compliant. You're too rebellious. You're too quiet. You're too loud. You're too bland. You're too quirky. You're too normal. You're too strange. You're too calm. You're too angry. You're too nice. You're too cold. You're weird. You're insane. You're unstable. You're acting very suspiciously. You're two-faced. You're deceptive. You're manipulative. You're not what people think you are. You're cruel. You're dangerous. You're a predator. You don't belong here. What do you mean that's not you? Liar. It's no wonder people hate you. Don't you understand that we always knew what was best for you? Don't you know that we loved you? When we said Sit down Shut up Be anything except what you are Feel anything except what you feel Do anything except what you want Be anyone except yourself? Now what do you say? I'm sorry. Good dog.

[incarnateirony]

Trying to sit here thinking of how my antis are negotiating events in their head to run from the truth right now. Spiral narrative. Tarot. Alchemy. The One. The Path of One. 13 tracks put together in a surprise order. Radio interference. Ticks and leeches. Queen bee. Art of Dying. Reflections. Rocky. The ego. Context. Traxxverse. Find the Queen. Magic Sex Chicken. All of it.

Like. OK. let's say they disbelieve origin stories. ok but what does that leave them as an option. am I just. So closely resonant to their brainwaves and thoughtforms and so good at this show that I knew all this shit in advance by a year or in some cases years?

Because like. even if I was lying about origins, I still have.... [points at all of the above]. So that still means I'm "speculating" correctly long before anything was ever released. Meaning my brain would be sharing the same story braincells as these authors.

So where, oh where, do they see an escape hatch where if they scream at me they can scream it away? Worst case in their own minds I've vibrated into the supernatural dimension to become a psychic attached to Robbie's mental basket. Or, realistically, I've been telling the truth the whole time.

Guys. The end is coming whether you like it or not. I told you LONG BEFORE my fellow worker bee did: Nothing can stop what's coming. Stand down, go home, and enjoy whatever life you have left. That's only a threat if you fear what's coming. And if you fear it, it's over, you lost, go home.

genuinely funny that for all of 2po's itk posing he's about to get blindsided. SPN ripping off the bandaid needed to flush the fandom liars, projection machines, conmen and more out. The authors are over your bullshit, guys. 100%. Direct. Like that context shit? 2po and those like him better take that as @ them personally, because this is in fact personal. They can't tell you that, but I can. You've attacked and fought them for years, and now, this is revenge. And some of us were more than happy to help.

Goodbye, you lying sons of bitches, you extortionists, doxxers, career liars and grifters. Goodbye, you agenda'ed bastards that think you can warp the truth however you want. Goodbye. It's time for a new empire. Long Live The GenderBending Queen.

(update he tweeted shortly after the post)

A terminal fandom disease, a plague, the lot of you. We're ripping out the rot at the root. We're opening that gay door. And you're going to cope. imagine if the fandom was as selfish seasons 10-13 for the Wayward fan pitch. Which antis like 2po also hide that Berens picked up AS a fan pitch, and nobody wailed about credits.

I don't find it a coincidence that the people that grift thousands out of fandom are obsessed with credits as proof. Well, yeah. People who believe in nothing but themselves and their material gain can't comprehend doing what's right for free simply because it is right.

Some of us actually stand for something. Believe in something. And fight for what we want instead of complaining all day. Even if it takes years. Even if it takes falling down again and again. There's a reason it's a representation battle, not a representation parkwalk, and that doesn't work if every man tries to be an island for himself. Sometimes, life is complicated, and sometimes, you Just Help whether you get benefit for it. Because it was what was the right thing to do. Because you knew the Truth. Because you listened.

You guys may understand the concept some day.

The real truth you missed is that for the last several years 2po was trying to argue with me and deny real things that came true, he was basically arguing with those same authors, because some of us don't just suddenly care when convenient. Some of us fight for years without looking for attention like the scripthunt members do.

And 2po is so set on his bad biases he convinced himself he got access, rather than for example wigglebox bitching and moaning her entire time in POLOL about never getting access, and his weird spies that fled when I nailed down 2po's doxxing attack all only having base permissions like lmfao bro. Perspective. You are years behind and clueless. The sooner you accept that the sooner you're going to understand what's happening. You didn't HAVE the context to understand the double-S tweet of Berens intentional mispellings being a silly slapfight with Meg Fitz over her giant bees and the fact that she spells Cas with two S'es, that even if they aren't credited they're all idea sharing still. And you'd know it's meg if you knew meg's interests.

Deep down even wigglebox knows that I used to prioritize speaking with the authors. She did not have access to the results, and I think she only possibly saw the one voice message from Bobo if she saw any at all, but she has to be aware that I chose a different path than they did and the potential that pass opened. She just does not want to look into that opening. Because she chose the wrong path. And it's everybody in script hunt

Amazing the things that can be done if you spend your time and years treating creatives like human beings rather than robots to abuse for demands, project intention at, or try to treat like a direct info spout. You want to know the reason you guys can't get info for crap? Every single one of you sounds like a desperate fan when you try to talk to them instead of appreciating their own work or interests. That's why you guys lost. You never wanted to listen. And that's the plot.

I do not envy the trap he's made for himself and his followers. It quite literally makes them the villains of the fandom story. And he's successfully manipulated people against the truth and the creatives for years, and now they have no choice but to deny deny deny deny until the bitter end or accept the truth I've told them for years. And it's that you guys are the problem. And you need to either grow up and accept the truth or go away and find a show you actually not just enjoy, but understand.

Wouldn't it be funny if this Cult Spiral Narrative and my Cult Mythos Alchemy Bible and Cult Cas As The Goddess shit were actually already circulating the author room by the end of season 14? Like right before Bobo wrote the confession I knew about. The year he asked for me at SDCC. Yeah. That'd be really funny. You know, the things 2po harassed us underground for while we. like. talked to writers about it.

Because he doesn't want the truth. And he's always been a leader of a cult of lies projecting his sins, ideas and fears at everyone else, telling people not to look at the truth and to only listen to his perspective and telling, and boy oh boy does this plot have surprises for him.

You'd think by now he'd give up denying the obvious of what's happening both in the plot in the metanarrative, but no. He's pinned his entire fandom conman career on his current angle and if he concedes then everyone he's been exploiting thousands out of instantly drops his ass. Congratulations dude, you played yourself. Good luck hope nobody sues you off the planet.

[smallpoemsfortheweak]

Liar.

Change is promised, but never seen

His ice blue eyes holding false sincerity

"I won't go out tonight", "I won't see them", "I won't stay long"



Liar

I sit waiting, for a call that was promised

but it never comes

Funny, you keep disappointing me, but I never fail to trust you each time

I put everything into you, I put my whole life into you, into us.

I CHANGE FOR YOU

I do my best. I am NOT perfect but I do my best.

And you...

You lie.

I say I wanna talk, you say "later I promise"

and later never comes

I say we have problems, you say "I don't see one"

You say its in my head, you tell me I'm overeacting, and overthinking and I BELIEVE you because that's just how insecure I am

You tell me not to let myself question what I know, and then you make me do just that

I KNOW something is wrong. I can read you, I can read you well.

I KNOW not everything is in my head.

I know you love me, even tho I question that and you help me get back into reality

But I also know, our relationship is messed up, it's got problems and holes and I wanna talk, and mend them and tell you things I never dare say out loud, because I fear you'll turn me away and tell me I have everything upside down. Like you always do.

You say you're here for me, but you never wanna talk when it gets emotional. You'll comfort me but never admit when something is wrong.

You liar.

Why can't you be serious? Why can't you be honest? Why can't you stop being such a man and ADMIT there is a PROBLEM?

Why do you lie to me and say everything is fine. The same way you lie to me about going out, and staying the night at a friends house.

The same you lie to me and tell me you'll call me when you get home and you never do.

and it's always "I fell alseep", "My phone died", or "I forgot"

I've accepted those excuses for a year and a half, which ironically is how long we've been together.

But I can't anymore. You should've learned by now, to charge your phone, and to think of me before you sleep, and to not leave me WORRIED about you! Just like you should've learned by now, to open up to me, and it's okay to be emotional, and that you don't have to LIE!

And I feel in such a large way its my fault. That I'm too selfish and focused on me, I don't give you enough chances, or enough time to talk about yourself and your feelings, and I don't even know what I expect you to say. But you never complain, you never cry, you never do anything.

Some would say that I should be grateful for that, but they wouldn't be saying that if they were in my shoes. If they loved someone as much as I love you, they'd be just as worried, that something is seriously WRONG. Because it is! You're not acting human.

EVERYBODY COMPLAINS, and it bothers me that you don't. And I know you have something to complain about,

and go ahead.

Say "I just want to focus on the positive"

I can respect that. I can accept your decision to not be negative.

what I can't accept is that you treat my problems as invalid.

You run away when I want to complain, you're not there WITH me when I'm feeling wronged, or sad, or alone. And I feel like a burden to you. And when I want someone to share this with, you're my go-to.

Because you're my person.

But you just shut me down, and tell me to shut up. Tell me to stop.

That's not fair. and it hurts.

And when I try to tell you about the things you do that bothers me.

Like going out, and not talking to me. Like you not seeming to ever think about me the way I think about you.

I NEVER forget to text or call you, I NEVER let my electronics die, and if it happens, I find a way to tell you, to let you know what happened so you're not worried.

I ALWAYS tell you when Im going out, and I ALWAYS tell you when I make it home.

It's really not hard. It's not.

You have no more excuses. Not anymore.

And when I try to tell you this, when I try to resolve it. To feel heard, and understood,

you make unfullfilled promises.

every.

single.

time.

and I fall for it, and believe you, and set myself up to be dissapointed

every.

single.

time.

I just want to understand you. I want to understand why.

and you've made it abundantly clear, that I never will.

Because, you may promise to change, but you never try.

Liar.

[deexchanel]

Wash my mouth out with soap

Word Count:

Pairing: Chris Evans x BlackFemale!Reader.

Warning: Swearing,Angst, Arguing, Breaking up.

Summary: All because of what Y/N said but did he already have plans to do it?

A/N: I need a distraction and ya girl heart is very heavy. This is supposed to be in first person point of view.

It's supposed to be short.

-You know I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.

That message burned into my brain as I went through Chris's phone. My hands shook out of anger and nervousness.

I knew it.

This was supposed to be a normal sunday evening, we've been through so much this past week. Today should've been different.

I swiped out of the message thread to see another thread with a different female. My heart broke but I'm so numb, I didn't feel it. I just knew I was right.

"Y/N do you want some wine?" Chris walked out of the kitchen to see me holding his phone in my hand. I tried to hold my anger in but it barely worked.

"Let me explain."

I locked the phone, closing my eyes. The deep breath method wasn't working.

"I was right, I'm always right. I'm leaving."

Chris caught his phone in time just as I threw it at him. "Y/N you're not letting me explain!"

"Chris get out of my face. You're a fucking liar, all this 'I'm a changed man' bullshit was a fucking lie. So you really think I'm going to sit here and listen to that fuck ass explanation you have?!" I arised off the couch with my purse in hand. I made my way towards the door, but he came in front of me.

His face expression held something I couldn't describe but I could tell he knew he fucked up.

"That's exactly what I be talking about Y/N! You're so fucking hot headed and say hurtful things to me. You never consider my fucking feelings. You claim you care but you don't! You hurt my feelings, I went and found comfort."

"So just because I said you're half the man Hemsworth ever was. That give you the a-okay to go text other bitches while we're together?? YOU WERE BETTER OFF BREAKING UP WITH ME!"

"I DIDNT WANT TO LOSE YOU BUT THEN AGAIN YOU CUT ME DEEP Y/N. REALLY DEEP AND YOU ACTED LIKE YOU DIDNT CARE.".

I looked at him with an expression of disbelief,"I acted like I didn't care? I APOLOGIZED, multiple fucking times I apologized. You can't sit here and justify your actions of texting other bitches with what I said. I know I was wrong for saying it." I pushed him away from me, tears rolled down my cheeks.

Chris crossed his arms,"You act like a selfish bitch at times, I can't tell the difference."

I felt betrayed. To know that the promises he told me were just empty tore my heart into pieces.

"I was just at the point to say that I finally can trust you. And I can apologize again, I am genuinely sorry that I said something so hurtful to you. But I can't forgive you for doing this again when you had other options. I never want to see you again you inconsiderate prick."

"Y/N."

I walked out the apartment, feeling the heavy weight of our 3 year relationship going down the drain.

--------

stay slutty my friends

[i-have-a-wonky-eye-too]

Devil in disguise... Part 6/?

Lee Bodecker x reader series

<Part 5<

Warnings: swearing, violence, fat shaming, use of the word whore as an insult

Part 6

"Oh, before they get here, I wanna talk to ya'." Mary whispered as the two of you took your seats at the movie theater.

You gave her a questioning look. "Before who gets here?"

Mary waved her hand, ignoring your question before she placed it on your arm with a soft sigh. "I think ya' oughtn't be seen with him so much."

You frowned in confusion at her, "Who? My grandpa?"

"No, silly, who'd ya' think." She huffed. "That fat shit. Bobby-Ray told us he ruined your date." Mary sighed. "Who'd he think he is?" She huffed.

"A loser fat shit." Your other friend, Sally, snickered from beside Mary making her laugh.

A scowl crept into your face as you realised who the two of them were talking about. "... You mean, Sheriff Bodecker?" You asked.

"Yes." Mary huffed. "Boy, does he get on my nerves."

"He's as crocked as they come. Pa says he killed a man before." Sally muttered around a mouthful of popcorn.

You glared at her and let out a frustrated sigh. "The Sheriff didn't ruin the date, Mary. I ain't wanna go on the damn thing in the first place." You huffed.

"You were just nervous, sweetie. Bobby-Ray said so himself."

"Bobby-Ray is a liar." You hissed.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be so stupid." She scoffed. "Look, because I'm such a good friend, I thought I'd do ya' a favour." She grinned, nodding over your shoulder as she clapped her hands together.

You felt your stomach drop with dread as you looked behind you. "Why is he here?" You hissed at Mary quickly looking away from Bobby-Ray. He wore an almost sadistic smirk as he walked towards you.

"Because that loser of a sheriff ruined your date. Look... Bobby-Ray is mad about you, sweetie." She grinned as she leaned in, "Rumour has it he's gonna pop the question."

"Stop!" You stood up abruptly. "Excuse me... I need to use the powder room." You faked a smile before you quickly moved passed her and Sally, avoiding Bobby-Ray successfully.

God damn, you hated the way people spoke about Lee. He had his faults, every man and woman did. And so what if he killed someone, some people deserve to die, especially in the shit hole place you lived.

Before you had even realised your feet had taken you to the payphone that sat in the lobby of the movie theater and you held the candy wrapper with Lee's home number on. It put a smile on your face, thinking about his sweet tooth.

"Yeah, Bodecker residence." His deep voice sent shivers down your spine and caused a needy little whine to leave your mouth. "Hello?"

"Sheriff," You sniffled, quickly wiping your frustrated tears away. You hadn't even realised they were there.

"Sugar, that you?"

"Uh-huh," You whispered. "I need ya' to come save me, Lee."

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Lee's tone had shifted more towards a panicked one as he listened to you sniffle again.

"Bobby-Ray," You glanced over your shoulder making sure you weren't being watched, "He's here, and I'm scared. Mary set us up on a date."

"Okay, baby, on my way. Stay by the doors and stay in sight of people at all times, okay?" Lee ordered softly.

You hummed, "Yes, Sir."

You weren't sure how long you were waiting by the doors before you decided you'd be okay stepping outside. It was getting stuffy inside and you'd make sure to stay in sight. You instantly felt better being in the cool air, even though you knew Mary and Sally would be wondering where you'd gotten to. And most likely Bobby-Ray, who won't hesitate to come looking for you.

You tried to ignore what Mary had said, but you couldn't help thinking about it. Surely Bobby-Ray wasn't going to 'pop the question'? You couldn't stand him. And he most certainly wasn't the man you wanted to marry.

"Goin' somewhere, sweetness?" You jumped at the sound of Bobby-Ray's voice. He smirked at you even more as he began to move closer. "It ain't nice to ignore your date, Y/N."

You glared up at him. "Y'ain't my date."

"Sure I am. I had to do something after that fat fuck of a sheriff ruined our first one." He stood close to you, reaching up to touch your cheek.

"Don't fuckin' touch me!" You slapped his hand away from you.

He grabbed a hold of your hand in one hand and your jaw in the other, slamming you against the wall. "Watch your mouth, bitch." He spat. "Maybe I should force it shut, hmm."

"Screw you!" You raised your knee into his gut hard, trying to push him off you but it was no use, he was much bigger than you.

Bobby-Ray pushed you harder against the wall, pressing his face closer to your ear. "He only fucks whores, Y/N. Y'know that?" He snickered. "Must make you a whore too, hmm, like his sister."

"Don't fuckin' talk about Lee like that." You tried to push him away but he dropped his hand to your throat.

"So it's Lee now. You really are a whore, ain't ya'. That why ya' went to his office? You suck his cock for money? Hmm. So your grandpa don't borrow no more money from Ma. You a whore?" Bobby-Ray squeezed.

You gasped for air and your vision began to blur but Lee was behind Bobby-Ray ripping him off you before you knew it.

Lee's anger spilled out of him and he punched Bobby-Ray in the gut before landing one on the side of his jaw. "I warned ya'," Lee spat as he held Bobby-Ray by the collar.

He was about to open his mouth to say something else but stopped when he heard you crying behind him. He looked over his shoulder before pushing the younger man away from him.

"Sugar," Lee reached out for your hand, pulling you into his chest as you sobbed quietly. "Shh, I go'cha." Lee pressed a kiss to your forehead, his hard glare set on Bobby-Ray. "I warned ya', never to come near her again. Watch ya' back, Bobby-Ray, and tell your mother I'll be seein' her real soon. Ya' hear?"

The moment Lee was sat next to you in the cruiser he drove off not even bothering to put his seat belt on. "Lee, can-" You let out a shakey breath. "Can... I sit close to you?" You sniffled.

Lee's heart broke. He nodded, moving his arm to the back of the seat as he continued to drive. "Sure, Sugar, c'mere."

You quickly slipped over the seat and curled up into him, breathing in his scent with a soft smile. Lee placed his head on top of yours and continued to drive the two of you in silence.

Eventually he stopped on a dirt road that hardly ever got used but kept you where you were. He was enjoying having you pressed close to him and he wanted to be selfish for a little while.

You sat back from him and looked up at him. "Thank you, for coming for me."

Lee smiled a little at you. "Ya' really think I wouldn't?"

You blushed, shaking your head. "I wouldn't blame you if ya' didn't. Aren't you gettin' tired of me?"

"Oh, Sugar, sweetheart," Lee whispered as he reached out and lightly stroked your cheek with his thumb. "Ya' really got no idea do ya'?" He asked already knowing the answer as you looked at him with innocence swimming in your eyes.

"Of what?"

He smiled softly at you, using his thumb to wipe your tears from under your eyes. "Y'know you're the only person who ain't work at the station, who has my home number. Y'know why?" You shook your head. Lee smiled, "Cause ya' special to me, and I want ya' to be able to get hold of me, any time of the day. I'll always come get ya'."

You blushed and quickly looked down, trying to shy away. "Thank you..."

Lee hummed, tilting his head to the side as he noticed you frown, "What is it?"

"Bobby-Ray said... I was," You sat back from Lee taking a deep breath. "He said I was a-"

"I heard what he said." Lee huffed cutting you off, "He ain't know what he's talkin' 'bout, Sugar. You and I both know, y'ain't a whore." Lee placed his hand over your cheek. "Don't listen to a damn word he said."

You nodded with a soft smile as you placed your hand over his, pulling it into your lap. "He said something else... 'bout your sister,"

Lee frowned, "Sandy?" You nodded. "What he say?"

"The same thing about me..." You whispered. "He also said, that you, hmm... That I must be, a... A whore, because that's all, you-" Your face burned as you kept your eyes on your hand that still held Lee's.

Lee let out a long exhale through his nostrils, grinding his teeth in irritation. "What else he say?"

You shook your head, "Nothin', that's it." You lied. If you were being honest, you were a little scared to tell Lee what else was said.

"Don't lie to me, Sugar." Lee spoke in a commanding tone, moving to face you. "You can tell me." His voice softened as he lifted your hand in his as he pulled you closer to him.

You shook your head again, "Don't want ya' to be mad... Or upset." You whispered.

Lee sighed, "I won't be, promise." He gave you a soft smile.

You nodded taking a deep breath. "They said some things, that weren't nice... about you."

"They?"

"Bobby-Ray, and my friends, Mary and Sally... They called you a..." You trailed off, not wanting to say but Lee nodded for you to carry on. You let out a small sigh before continuing, "... They called you a fat shit... And, Sally said you were crocked... 'cause her father had said you'd killed a man." You frowned. "I don't care if you did, or didn't, but I can understand why you might... 'cause right now I wouldn't mind gettin' rid of 'em..." You huffed with a pout.

The corner of Lee's mouth twitched, threatening to break him as he thought about how cute you looked in that moment.

"Mary said, there's a rumor goin' round that, Bobby-Ray, is gonna pop the question to me. Why can't no one see, I ain't want nothin' to do with him..." You felt yourself tearing up again, "I try to tell 'em but they just don't listen."

"Shh, c'mere baby." Lee pulled you into his chest before you started crying and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I go'cha." He let out a heavy sigh. "I know, y'ain't want nothin' to do with him... Y'ain't got nothin' to worry 'bout no more, ya' hear?"

You pulled back just enough to look up at him. "Y'ain't gotta get in trouble for me, Sheriff."

Lee began smiling, reaching up to brush a piece of your hair from your forehead. "I can get into trouble on my own, Sugar." He dropped your gaze momentarily. "Ya' really don't care if I've killed someone?"

You shook your head, "No, 'cause some people just have to die... And, I feel the same way 'bout you, as I do 'bout my mamma. She killed my daddy 'cause he was a bad man, but I still love her." You whispered, toying with the cuff of his shirt. Did you just admit you love the Sheriff? "Ya' know... I ain't think... Those things, about you, right?"

Lee stared at you in bewilderment. You were something else. "I'm no good, sweetheart. Ya' should believe those things."

Your eyes widened as you looked at him in horror. "Now who's lying."

Lee scoffed, "I ain't. I'm a bad man, Sugar. I ain't... Sweet, like you." He shook his head and looked out the window.

"You're kind, even if it is only to me and my grandpa, but that's all I care about. The rest of that shit hole of a town can go... To hell." You smiled at him. "If ya' didn't care, would ya' be here?"

Lee shook his head as he looked back at you. "Wanna get something to eat?"

You nodded, "... Can we share a milkshake?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @est19xxshit @acciosiriusblack @stucky-my-ship @the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf @greeneyedblondie44 @saphic-susperia @moonlacebeam @charmed-asylum

[devinescribe]

Ruin Us

Chapter 14 to '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, mentions of rape, death threats, panic attacks and I think that's about it

You hoped you didn't have nightmares.

But hoping for such a thing was wishful thinking.

"No... nonononono, silly girl! He's not here. You should check down there, I heard his father called for him," the voice taunted. You hated that voice. "Oh! Or maybe he's up there! Where you found his note! Maybe he really did it this time!"  You stood in a dark room. The walls, floor, ceiling were pitch black. There was only light was a dim light where you stood.

You didn't know where the voice was coming from. All you knew was that it was taunting you.

"He's fine," you said, your hands shaking even though your voice sounded brave. "Is he?" The voice laughed. "Nonononononono! I think you're mistaken! He's over here!" The voice said, getting distorted with every 'no' it said. In the room, a screen in front of you lit up. It showed a video of you two being on the roof, and suddenly him falling off. You gasped. Another screen lit up. Another, another, another. And which each one, a new way of him dying.

You covered your ear. You couldn't stand it. All around you was noise. He was crying. He was screaming. He was begging you to help. You couldn't. You screamed, "Stop it! Make it stop!"  repeatedly as if it would. All the screens shut off. You were panting, and shaking, tears you didn't know had formed fell from your eyes. You dropped to the floor. "You're a liar! He's fine!" You screamed out into the darkness. You heard slow dragging footsteps getting close to you. "Is he? Or are you lying again?" The voice said. As it got closer, you started to recognize it. "You're a liar liar pants on fire!" The voice sounded younger this time. Even still, you knew who it was. "Liar! Why are you such a liar!" It shouted, going back to sounding like him. Just distorted. The footsteps got even closer, and you could finally see the body of the person. The face was covered by the shadows. "I'm not a liar! Not! I'm not I'm not I'm not!" You shouted. "You are! Liar!" It hissed. Why was it saying it in his voice? It hurt so much more coming from him. "I-i didn't lie to you, I promise!" You whimpered. "You promised you wouldn't lie... why would you lie to me? I trusted you," he asked. It sounded like he was crying. "I-i didn't! You can still trust me!" You cried. "Why did you lie to me?"

You woke up with a start, sitting up. You gasped, holding a hand to your chest. You looked besides you. Niragi was still there. You started crying quietly, curling up next to him. "Hngh... eh? What's wrong sweetheart?" You heard Niragi groan sleepily. "I-it was so scary!" You whimpered, hiding your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly. "Are you mad at me? I'm sorry I lied to you, I was scared I'm sorry please don't hate me," you rambled, tears soaking through his shirt. " 'M not mad... we talked about this already. I'm just happy you're ok... did you have a nightmare?" He asked. You nodded.

You had been having a lot of nightmares recently. Most having to do with Niragi. This was one of the worst ones.

You had had nightmares since you were a kid. You had them when you met Niragi. You've kept having them into your adult life.

You woke up with a start. Without thinking, you wiped the tears from your eyes, and got up from bed. You went over to the balcony, and started to climb down the stairs you had made.

You were soon on the ground, and ran over to Niragis house. His light wasn't on like it usually was. Was he a sleep? Then you saw a sticky note on his window. ''I'm in the tree house working on something. If you need anything don't be afraid to go back there. There's a flashlight in the bush by my window since I know you're scared of being alone in the dark. Be safe (Y/N)," you read the note. You sniffled, and found the flashlight.

Walking through the path at night was terrifying. Anything or anyone could jump out at any moment.

But the safety of the lights on in the tree house, made you run to it. You found the ladder, held the flashlight in your mouth, and began climbing. Once you got up there, you saw Niragi working on something on the desk. Just like his note had said.  "Gi-gi..." you whispered. He turned around with a smile. Whatever he was working on on his desk, he hid from your view. "(Y/N), what's up?" He asked. You walked over, but he stopped you. "Here, let's go over there," he said, grabbing your hand. He lead you over to the beanbag chairs you had.

"So, what's up?" He asked once more. "Had a nightmare," you whispered. It must have been bad if you came out to look for him. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. "It was really scary this time! I-i didn't know if it was a dream, or if... if it had really happened, so I came to look for you. You always make me feel better," you whimpered, hugging him. He hugged you back, knowing you were probably not feeling the best right now. If you were crying it must be bad. "It's ok... tell me if you want," he whispered. You nodded, and he got up, leading you with him. First, he grabbed some blankets, and then he turned off the light. You followed him around, till he pulled you down on the beanbags again. "And you made me get up why?" You asked with a small laugh. "Because. Anyways... you still want to talk about it?"

"Are you ok? Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, yawning after he finished. You looked over seeing it was 2 am. You had woken him up. It seemed like you couldn't do anything right this night. You felt so utterly guilty, helpless, and tired that you just started sobbing. "I- I'm sorry imsorryimsorryimsorry," you apologized through hiccuping sobs. He looked down through sleepy eyes, and gently rubbed your back. "It's alright... you didn't do anything wrong sweetheart," he whispered. That nickname... Why was it making you feel weird?

"Sweetheart-"

"My sweetheart-"

"- sweetheart"

That's why. It's the nickname he had had for his ex girlfriends. He was tired, he probably wasn't thinking straight. No way would he call you that nickname if he weren't so tired.

It was reserved for his lovers. You knew you weren't his lover. It made you feel ...

Sad?

Why would you be sad, you liked him as a friend, didn't you?

"C-can... can I tell you... why I hadn't told you about what happened?" You whispered. "Of course. Go ahead," he said softly.

"If you tell that fucking loser what happened here today, you're dead. And so is he. Got it?" They threatened, gripping onto your hair tightly, pulling you up by it. You tried nodding, tears falling from your eyes. "I can't fucking hear you, slut," one spat, pulling a knife from his pocket. You flinched. "Y-yes! I got it!" You shouted through sobs. He let you go, your body falling to the ground. "Good. Let's go."

You lay there, unable to move. Not because of them, but because you couldn't. Getting up meant having to face the reality of what happened. Getting up would mean going home, cleaning up, and pretending this hadn't happened. Getting up would mean not telling Niragi. Getting up to you, meant letting them win.

But you had to get up.

So you did. Picking yourself off from the floor, you leaned on the tree behind you for support. You found your backpack, and grabbed it quickly, not wanting to stay here for a minute longer. Then you remembered that your clothes must be stained. You looked down to see blood running down your leg. "This really fucking happened...." you whimpered as tears filled your eyes. You fell to your knees, clutching your chest. You let out a loud scream as sobs racked through your whole body. You were scared, dirty, and guilty. All you could think about was having to face Niragi. Having to look at him, reminding him of the promises you'd made, but breaking one of them without him knowing. For the rest of your life. You felt horrible. You wanted to go home, and fall asleep forever.

"(Y-y/N)... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I blew up at you about it sweetheart. I was being really fucking selfish darling. You... you've been through much more than I have. Yet you're still a better fucking person than I'll ever be. I... I had no right to be angry, upset, or disappointed in you. I didn't. It wasn't fair to you," he apologized, holding onto your tightly. You sniffled, snuggling into him further. '' S'ok... you didn't know," you whispered. "No. It's not. It's not ok at all. This is what I mean! You've only known people being cruel to you! Your father, the guys at school, people at work, goddammit people on the streets! And you've only ever been kind! Even when people don't deserve your forgiveness you give it to them! You might be cruel sometimes, but you've only been cruel to those who deserve it! My mother was kind! I had you! My grandmother! Your grandmother! I had a girlfriend in high school for a while! People have been kind to me, but I'm the worst fucking person! I don't... I don't deserve... your forgiveness," he yelled, sitting up, getting quieter at the end. He hated how he made this about himself. He didn't mean to, he really didn't. It just came out. "That's not true Suguru. You do deserve it. I've had people that were kind to me. I had you. I didn't need anything else. That was enough for me," you said, sitting up next to him. You put a hand on his shoulder, and smiled. "It's (Y/N) and Suguru against the world, forever and always right?" You giggled. "Yeah... (Y/N) and Suguru against the world... forever and always," he answered.

His thoughts were getting clouded over. You were there. You were so sweet. So nice. Adventurous, crazy, synical, caring, apathetic, confident, clever, funny. Everything at once. A contradiction of a woman. Perfect. That was another way to describe you. Everything he's ever wanted. He turned to face you, noticing how your eyes kept glancing at him.

You were also trapped in your thoughts. He had called you sweetheart and darling. While he was no longer tired. Two names reserved for lovers. What did that mean? Was he just overcome with emotion in that moment? He was your best friend. You did notice the butterflies in your stomach when he had said it. Each time seeming stronger than the last. A feeling of that's the way it was supposed to be. Like he was meant to call you those things. Like those words were made specifically for him to call you by them. You saw him staring at your face, trying to study you as well.

"Do you need something?" You asked with a smile. "Yeah, actually. You."

That was all he said, before pulling you into him. Your lips met with his own, and it felt like a puzzle was finally solved. A story getting it's happy ending. Magic. You kissed him back with just as much passion. It felt right. For his hands to be on you. For his lips to be on your own. For his skin to be on yours. It had felt right back then, and it still felt right now.

All the years that you had wondered why your relationships didn't work out were answered with this one kiss. Niragi. It was because you never loved them. You loved Niragi.

Niragi felt the same. Questions that were finally answered to him as well. He now knew his mother was right. He really did love you. That's why he never had interest in anyone. The girls he dated or slept with had never really been interesting to him. He only dated them to not make them feel bad. But really, it was you. You were the right choice...

And then he pulled away. Just as suddenly as the kiss had happened. "I... I need to go," he stated, getting off of your bed, out towards the door. "W-wait I-"

Before you could finish your sentence, he was gone. Out of the door, leaving you alone, confused, and sad. "Of course he regretted it... he doesn't like me that way. He was just in an emotional state that clouded his judgement... I... I am but a fool if I thought anything besides that," you whispered as tears filled your eyes.

As soon as he closed the door to your room, he ran into his.

"Fuck! Why did I do that? 15 years of friendship ruined. Gods I'm so dumb!" He yelled into his pillow. He didn't notice the tears that stained his pillow. He didn't care. 'Now you're truly alone. Great job. You're so good at ruining things Niragi. It should be your professional job! Niragi Suguru, professional opportunity ruiner! Niragi Suguru professional loner! You're so good at being alone, count that as the only thing you're good at!' The voice in his head taunted him. It taunted him for being so stupid to think a woman like you would ever love someone like him. For being alone. It brought up the fact he was alone so much, he felt his room grow smaller, and the breath in his lungs grow shorter. He couldn't see straight. His chest felt tight. The darkness in his room grew darker. Until he passed out.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

*me remembering that I promised a scenario of a drunk Chisaki* oH FUC-!

One or three bottles of sake

You were simply messing around in your phone, snickering at seing other people do shit on the internet before you heard a knock... which is weird since you were in the living room... not the bedroom.

"Excuse me? (Y/n)-sama?" The man asked hushed while you giggled at his exaggerate manners.

"Tengai I told you already about the formalities!" You smiled and put your phone down to look at the man "Just call me by my name, really is okay!"

"I apologize for this." The huffed a smile while scratching the back of his neck before returning to a serious expression "Pardon about bothering you in such a hour at the night... but could you accompany me please?"

You nodded and followed the calm man through the halls.

"Something wrong?" Tengai sigjed loudly before scracthing the back of his head again.

"Sadly. You see, the eight precepts, Chrono and Mimic were reunited on a room and that thug Rappa just brought along with Deidoro some alcohol drinks... To celebrate or just drink the night off or something similiar."

You snickered a bit, gulping down immediately after Tengai arched his eyebrow at you before returning to his explanation.

"Anyway. I refused since I'm not much a fan of alcohol in general. But the rest was the opposite... Master Overhaul got them on the act and went to stop that nonsense before Rappa just made one mistake..."

You started to grow worried before Tengai opened one door to reveal a bunch of drunk mens while you saw your boyfriend.... chugging and hitting the cup on teh cofee table as Chrono and Mimic shouted 'TAKE THAT' at a screaming Rappa.

You blinked once before looking at Tengai with wide eyes while pointing in disbelief at the scene in front of you.

"Yes... Rappa spoke something about master 'being a wimp on drinks or something, how would you be dissapointed at seing that your man didn't take one drink and that what type of yakusa boss he was if he didn't even could drink a cup of saque."

You returned your look at Chisaki who had the same stoic face as usual but the difference it was that his golden eyes were puffy and his uncovered cheeks were slightly pink.

"H-How much..?" You asked, giggling about at the way Chisaki miserably tried to slap Chrono's hand away form his back.

"When I left it was already gone one bottle... now?" He looked at the pile of empty bottles "I am afraid to know."

Suddenly Mimic snickered and while looking at you both extending his arms.

"Look at who decided to fucking join us! tEnGAI BiTcH GEt YoUR AsS DoWN AnD GeT DrUnK As WeLL!"

"I'll pass..." Tengai growled before glaring at Rappa for shouting that he was being a wimp.

"FinE ParTy BooMEr! (Y/N)! Go SiT YoUR AsS doWn thEn By OvErHaUL's SiDE anD FuCkInG DrInk!"

At the mention of your name the eyes of your lover widen just a bit before he drubkly looked up at his front... you were at his side...

"(Y/n)..? Wh..where the fuck is her?" He muttered while Deidoro left out a drunk laugh as he falled into his back at the ground.

"THE BOSS IS REALLY FUCKING DRUNK!"

"Tell the time then fucker." Setsuno snickered before juggling his cup.

"SHUt up midget!" Deidoro lifted up and pointed at a clock in the wall and screamed at it "THE BOSS IS REALLY FUCKING DRUNK!"

Hoyo spitted om his drink by his laughter while Chrono stood, a bit trembling, on his feet and cane to you.

"We fucked up.. sorry." He half smirked before almost dropping before you helped him out.

"For crying out loud how many drinks did you all had?!" You whispered shouted while Chrono showed one finger while muttering a 'bottle'.

And... everyone wasn't much different... excluding Chisaki who somehow was still searching for you and surprisingly didn't found it.

"Mimic you fucking liar, my angel isn't here." He growled before grunting when he just bumped his forehead on the table.

"Am FuCKInG NoT! THe ChiCk Is RighT TheRe!" Mimic pointed angrily at you while you could only deadpan.

"Alright." You started, accidentaly letting Kurono fall.. he at least made a thumbs up to tell you he was alright when you yelped "Everyone. Out. Night time for all of you."

You were so grateful that you had the respect of those man, or else it would probably take AGES for them to listened to you...

You stopped Nemoto though, being one of the last to leave, and pointed at Chisaki... lost look as he stared at his front.

"How many did he had Nemoto?"

"About (hic) three bottles. Rappa challenged him so..(hic) you knwo how master is."

You sigjjed and thanked the man, slowly going into his side to bring a hand to touch his shoulder before he slapped it away.

"Don't touch me filth... only one person can do that and is not fucking you so out." He mumbled, still not looking at you as he tried to get up... tried.

"Uh? Who?"

"Not your fucking business but is my (Y/n)." He growled before hiccupping "The sweetest and the most beautiful thing on this sick world and my angel is the fucking bes-" he tripped on his own foot and dropped to his knees with a hiss.

You blushed at his words... normally drunk people werent on their right mind but they never spoke lies... especially your Chisaki. You knew how he was reserved but those sweet words he almost never let out.

"I am all that?" He looked up to send you a glare before widening his eyes at sieng your blushing and smiling figurine.

"Angel..." he smiled a bit, surprisingly standing up and accepting your help "Since when you're here?"

"Not too long. Why?"

"I was going to kill some filth shit in this room.. but is all gone because you're here.." he sluttered before dropping his head on teh crook of your neck "My angel is the best..." he cooed before nuzzling his face into your neck.

Oh god what was happening?! Was this what too much of alcohol did to your boyfriend?!

He grunted a bit before mumbling in your skin.

"You're not hugging me back (Y/n).. did I do something?" You went to look at him befor eyou noice he was POUTING.

CHISAKI KAI. OVERHAUL. LEADER OF THE YAKUSA. IS POUTING. AND IT WAS ADORABLE.

"No no!" You immediate answered, waving your hands a bit "I-Is just tha-"

He grabbed your hand weekly and kissed your palm before nuzzling his face on it.

Dear lord what was happening with him?!

"My angel..." he cooed in your hand before hugging you again "I missed you..." he said a bit more sleepy while your heart was almost combusting at this overwhelming event.

"U-uh.. K-Kai how about some water then we can go to bed?"

He nodded in your neck, grunting in disaproval at losing his warmth and just blindly following you through the house... at least he had his hand on yours.

Pops was just getting to his room before he spotted you two.

"Good night you two." He smiled at your gretting but frowned at sieng his successor "Chisaki my boy, are you alright? You look a bit.. flustered?"

Chisaaki let out a chuckle before wrapping his arms around your waist and rubbing his cheek on yours, you with wide eyes and face burning form embarrassment.

"Nothing. Just my (Y/n) giving me her warmth... my angel is so warm..." he buries his nose, missing the wide eyes of his father figurine and his lover looking at him in shock "I just love it since I'm always so cold and is also soft..." he sighed in bliss at finding some comfortable position and just remained like that.

You gagged before looking at Pops, same wide eyes as you had on that moment while looking back at you.

He pointed a finger to your boyfriend and you sighed in defeat.

"Saque. 3 bottles." The elder arched a eyebrow before returning to see Chisaki nuzzling even more his nose on your neck and burring right in your ear.

"Well. What alcohol does with a man.." he smirked a bit at seing his adopted son attempting to growl at seing that your attention wasn't on him "Think you can take care of my boy for the night (Y/n)?"

"I'll try my best." You giggled, replying the good night Pops gave to you and smilling like a dork when Chisaki said something with the word 'father' on it.

"Alright my devil. Let's get you to bed." He grunted before tightening his hold on you.

"I'm not a infant (Y/n)..." he muttered but complied anyway while following you to his room.

He took the seat down with a yawn and hic up before he smirked dreamily when you helped him on taking off his shirt.

"Naughty little angel we have..."

"Ahaha.. no mister. You're way too drunk." You laughes and mockingly pointed at finger at his nose.

Although you yelped a bit at the nibble he manage to do in your finger.

"Kai!" He smirked devilish back at the call of his name before you giggled and rolled your eyes, going to the bathroom for wash your face before you felt a tug in you clothing.

"Wh.. where are you going?" You went to answer but the way his voice sounded so.. broken and fearful made you worry "Don't.. don't leave me alone angel.. please?"

"I was only going to wash my face to go to bed Kai..." you stopped in your tracks to carress his face with your thumbs "How could I leave you for real anyway?"

"You should." He hiccuped, eyes darkening a bit "Because I'm fucked up."

"No you're not!"

"I am.. like.. you-you're just the pool of sweetest and brightness" he pointed at you with his pam before plopping down "Then we have this demon here, the total opposite of you... but I am selfish.." he muttered the last part before burring in your stomach.

"I want you with me... only with me..." he juzzled in hour tummy before looking up at you. "Promise..."

"Promise what my devil?"

"Promise that you wont leave me in the dirty like some people did already.."

You made a hurt face before carresing his looks, giggling at the vibrations that the pleased sounds he made were making shivers crawl down your spine.

He suddenly groaned, burrowing his face even more on you while you poked him and ask what happened.

"Fuck that piece of shit Rappa now tommorow I'm going to have a headache... fuuuucck i wanna kill him.."

You giggle, hoping that tommorow his hangover wasn't going to be that painful...

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

Okay you mentioned Kohga having the hots for king Rhoam. I'm sorry, but can we see something with that???

I make ONE fucking joke, and Ya'll take it to the next level. Fuck you, let's get this over with.

"Kingie! Long time no see big guy!"

Kohga was planning on just hanging out at the hideout today, when he was given a summon by the king. Not that Kohga minded a trip to the castle, he was always fed pretty well. He dove in for a high five with the king, but from the way he glared, he could tell he was NOT in the mood. Even the blade master he brought with him had to cringe at the rejection. Sooga joined him too, but seemed unfazed by the rather cold attitude.

"I'm glad you came at such short notice. I have something very important to discuss with you."

"Oh is it about the fact that we're buying up all the bananas? Look, we still gotta do SOMETHING evil to-"

"It's NOT."

His voice was steely, firm. Someone was NOT happy. His glare was so menacing, his boys took a step forward, as if the king was about to try to beat his ass. Kohga patted their shoulders, making them ease up a bit.

"Easy boys, easy. Look, you two wait out here, imma have a chat with Kingy here."

Sooga of course held protests, but Kohga held his hand up, silencing him.

"Trust me. You two hunks can dash in and protect me at any time. Not that I need it. Though I DO like the attention."

His men bowed, keeping their place. Kohga followed King Rhoam, right to his secret study, in the library, beyond the metal book case. He hated royals, but he had to hand it to Rhoam, there were so many sneaky spaces to hide and explore (and coming from the chief of the Yiga clan, that was high praise). Rhoam shut it behind them both, and Kohga took a look around. This was way different from the main rooms in the castle. Much more personal, snuggly even. A few crates of supplies, a desk full of scattered books, a few chairs, and even a few weapons hung on the wall besides them.

"Nice spot. How many people know about this little place?"

"The ones who built it, and my daughter."

"Well, aren’t I special?"

Kohga chuckled, pulling up a seat and helping himself to the surprisingly comfy chair. He might steal this, honestly. King Rhoam took a seat in front of him, clearing his throat.

"I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you?"

"If it's not about the bananas, then no not at all."

Kohga was already kinda bored, and he started to hum, playing with his hands. He found it easier than just sitting there and looking someone in the face.

"It's about my daughter, Zelda. She complained about you."

Kohga stopped, finally looking at his face. He was about to ask if he was serious, and apparently he was.

"Whaaaat? ME? What did I do?"

He sighed, before folding his arms across his chest.

"She is growing tired of your men. Apparently you give them permission to try to court her."

Kohga wanted to argue with that, but then he thought about it. He was kinda at fault, getting whatever clan member interested to hit on her. Flowers, treats, poetry, even just getting a few smooth talkers to try their hands at getting her attention. He just shipped Mipha and Link so hard, he decided to boot out the competition. Not that he hated her, of course not. Kohga shrugged.

"How is that a problem? I'm throwing HUNKS at her! No clue how that makes ME the bad guy! It’s because they’re Yiga, isn’t it?”

“It’s because she’s already in love with her knight. I’m already planning on giving him my blessings, should they finally decide to wed.”

Kohga should’ve expected it honestly, this old fashioned kinda ranting. Sure they were both kinda up there in age, but they were NOT alike. Kohga shook his head, standing up from his seat.

“Look, I don’t have kids, so I dunno what it does to ya, but you’re taking things WAY outta proportion here. You’re already ready for your daughter, seventeen, to get married.”

King didn’t seem to get it, as if this was a totally normal thing.

“Well yes. Royals marry around this age, why dawdle?”

Kohga put his hand on Rhoam’s shoulder, who didn’t seem to love it, but didn’t exactly push Kohga off.

“Look, let the girl have a little FUN before she gets hitched! She’s got the rest of her life for that stuff, if anything I’m just giving her choices.”

“I’m...not following.”

“For the love of- look. If she wants me to back off, I’ll tell my guys to heel. But I don’t really think she’d complain about me. She only really clams up about you. So it’s why I’m thinking SHE’S not complaining. YOU are.”

He knew by the look in his face that he was right. Kohga chuckled, hands on his hips.

“You don’t gotta lie like that! Makin’ me think I was a bad guy here! If YOU have problems, say you do. Doesn’t mean I’ll listen, but at least you wouldn't be a liar.”

His brows furrowed, but Kohga found it hard to take him seriously at this point.

“I am saying this for the sake of my daughter. If she is to remain pure-”

“Oh great, purity culture bullshit. Look, Kingy, don’t blame her for the fact that you haven’t gotten any lately.”

He put his hand over his chest, as if he had something just terribly hurtful.

“I beg your pardon?!”

“You heard me! You know If I didn’t know any better, you’re just mad because everyone’s gettin’ some lovin’ but you.”

Kohga leaned against the King’s chair. This was some juicy shit, you bet your bananas he was gonna milk it for all it was worth.

“When WAS the last time you got off? Few months?”

King Rhoam looked at him as if he had gone insane, before pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Almost nineteen years, roughly.”

“Holy-you haven’t nutted since your kid was born? Fucks sake, I’d be grumpy as hell too, no wonder.”

He wasn’t even expecting him to answer, honestly. King Rhoam scoffed, as if regretting giving him a response.

“We’re derailing the topic at hand-”

“Now now, I’m not done yet.”

Kohga moved in front of him, one hand at the chair, and pinning Rhoam between the seat, and Kohga’s face.

“Look, I get it. You wanna take care of what you have, you’re constantly stressed, I can only imagine how bad you have it. And knowing I was the cause of some of that stress? Selfish of me really. Let me make it up to you there, Kingy.”

Rhoam looked perplexed at his choice of words, like he figured he would be. Kohga always did have the hots for the clueless ones.

“I’m saying, let me end your streak.”

Still nothing. Holy hell, he forgot he loved idiots. He sighed, pointing down to the king’s crotch.

“Let me polish the royal scepter. Take a gander at the royal jewels. I’m essentially saying let me get you off.”

THAT seemed to get a rise out of the king, given the way he damn near jumped out of his chair.

“That is NOT why I summoned you here! In the SLIGHTEST! The AUDACITY!”

Kohga let go off the chair, putting his hands on his hips.

“One, you have the audacity to NOT immediately say yes, I’m a goddamn treat. Two, why the hell not? You ever fuck anyone that WASN’T the Queen?”

No response. So that was a no. Oh this was going to be some fucking fun. Kohga put his hands on his knees, leaning in so his mask was so close to touching his face.

“Tell you what, because I like newbies. You let me do my thing. And if you don’t like it, you just say the word. In exchange, I’ll tell my guys to heel. Eh? Cool offer?”

King Rhoam didn’t immediately say no, like he expected him to. He seemed stunned at first, but hey, you miss every shot you don’t take. He was going to get a no any-

“Alright. Fine. So long as this does NOT leave this study.”

Holy SHIT. This guy did NOT just say yes. Kohga fumbled a bit, clearly not knowing how to react. He wasn’t bluffing in the slightest, he just had no clue that the king would ACTUALLY take him up on that. He chuckled, poking Rhoam on his nose.

“Well look at you! Growin’ outta that royal shell, color me surprised! Alright, stays between us. Now, you just sit right there, and let ol’ Kohga do his thing.”

He made the king tilt his head up a bit, so he couldn’t see him. Not letting him see what he was doing would make him freak out a lot less, and he could be in denial about the fact that a dude was gonna suck him off. Kohga pushed aside his mask, just enough to reveal his lips, before he got down on his knees. He parted the King’s legs, taking but a moment to massage them. Lot’s of clothes made the guy look almost fat, but Kohga knew better. Those were some toned muscles under that, just how Kohga imagined. He kept massaging for a moment longer, getting him used to being touched, before he un did his belt, and pulling him free of his cloth confines. And holy. Shit. King Rhoam was a dilf dream down here. He wasn’t absolutely massive, but he certainly wasn’t a pipsqueak. He was long, thick, with plenty of white pubic hair. Kohga softly stroked the length of it, and watched as Rhoam seemed to freeze upon the contact.

“Right right, been a while. I’ll go slow, I’ll go slow. Easy does it.”

He had a rather lovely curve downward, and Kohga could only picture how well it’d go down his throat. He kept his motions nice and slow, till he noticed the King’s grip on the armrests loosen. Then he started to up the ante, just a little bit. With his other hand, he cupped his balls, lightly rubbing them in his palm. Then he heard him groan. It was faint, but Kohga caught it. That was the sound of a man who hadn’t been touched in a long, long time. Even by himself, apparently. He was already getting stiff in his hand.

“You’ve...done this before.”

“Not with a royal at least. But yeah, Kohga’s seen a few bananas in his day.”

Rhoam clearly had some kind of retort, before he seemed to jump upon feeling Kohga kiss the head. Kohga tried not to snicker, finding his sensitivity just hilarious. His age seemed to not affect his need for attention. Especially given that a few kisses around the base was enough to get him nice and hard in his hand. He made his touch a bit firmer on his balls, and his stroking a bit quicker on his length. And Rhoam was LOVING it. His head was tossed back, his breathing got all nice and fast, and he could see, past that beard, him biting his bottom lip.

“There we go, all nice and comfy. Any chance you want me to stop here?”

Rhoam was so out of it, he couldn’t do anything but shake his head. Kohga chuckled. He was gonna love this. Feeling him start to throb in his hand, he decided to really wow ol’ Kingy here. He pulled his hand away, using it to palm at himself, before he put the head right in his mouth. Rhoam’s breath hitched, and Kohga loved that. Love how he was making a royal so weak. He pushed himself to make more, stopping shy of halfway down his length. It was enough to make Rhoam squirm in his seat, and even put his hand right on top of Kohga’s head. How cute. Kohga groaned as he pushed his head back and forth, really getting a feel for that thick cock. Then he pulled away, nice and slowly, drool still connecting them. 

"Why did you-"

"You were about to cum. I could tell. I want this to be REALLY good for you, so you're going to wait."

"I DEMAND you-"

He was halted when Kohga took a hold of his balls. Nothing too hard, just enough to get him to shut up.

"No no no. You don't get that attitude with me. You rule Hyrule, I rule your cock. I decide when you cum. And because you wanna act up, you get a punishment. Look at me."

Rhoam looked, despite not wanting to, at all. Kohga kept massaging him, tediously and slowly.

"You wanna cum? You wanna shoot your load down my pretty throat? You gotta ask for it like a grown up. No tantrums. Go on. Ask."

Rhoam clearly didn't want to, but Kohga’s lips (and throat) was a blessing, not a right. So he sighed, and made himself obey.

"I...would like to orgasm-"

"Try again. Cum. Make me WANT it."

Rhoam swallowed, before trying again.

"I would...like to cum. In your mouth."

"There we go, much better. Knew you could be a polite boy."

He took a minute to suckle at his balls, really coating them in drool, before taking Rhoam fully in his mouth. That's right, every bit of that royal cock found it's way into his mouth, and Kohga gagged. It was intentional, and it made Rhoam moan desperately. So close. Kohga wasted no more time, and acted like the perfect dick sucker he knew he was.

Kohga was relentless. He groaned loudly as he bobbed his head back and forth, practically fucking his own mouth from the force. Rhoam was really getting into it now, cursing and panting under his breath, especially when Kohga pulled away to aggressively suck at his tip. Kohga was absolutely, and positively cock hungry, and he wasn’t afraid at all to show it. Kohga slurped, and gagged, slurped and gagged, grumbling as if he was an animal, greedy for the chance of tasting cum. Then he got it.

King Rhoam came, and Kohga gulped it down, only pulling away to smear it against his throbbing length. It was a big load, just how he thought it'd be. Ribbons and ribbons of cum littered their clothes, the floor, and the insides of his stomach. He pulled away once he knew no more would be cumming, feeling no more reason to. King Rhoam was a SIGHT to behold. A shaking, panting, cum covered mess. Kohga chuckled, taking a quick second to clean up. A good cock sucker could clean himself up in a flash, as if nothing ever happened. He stood back up, pulling King Rhoam’s face by his beard, and he kissed him. Not because he liked him, nor did he think he was cute. It was because there was something humiliating about making the King himself, taste his own load. He pulled away, wiping his lips, and putting his mask right back down. He could see that little bit of cum on his lips, and it was so goddamn funny to him.

“Glad we had this little chit chat, Kingy wingy. You ever need to get a load of your chest, you know who to send for. Though, I don’t do anything for free. Can I take the chair?”

Rhoam just sat there, looking bewildered, before he gently nodded. Kohga clapped his hands a bit, grabbing the chair, and giving Rhoam a little bit of a wave. He managed to meet up with Sooga and the Blade master, who didn’t even get to say hello before he made them carry the chair he was holding. Sooga looked at it curiously, turning to Kohga.

“Are we stealing this?”

“Nope! Said I could have it! It’s a real nice chair.”

“Why would he give it to you?”

“We had a nice long chat. Wasn’t something I saw...comin’”

Kohga grinned behind his mask. He was an absolute STUD, no doubts about that.

[distrackles]

Resistance: Part 1

Dean Winchester x OFC

MASTERLIST

Despise /verb/: feel contempt or a deep repugnance for.

- B o -

This was so normal for us, me and Riley sitting at a bar at the end of a "hard" day. She'll continuously drink while I sit and have a few beers, neither of us ever get a buzz anymore. Bartenders almost without out fail will hit on her, and she'll most likely bring them back to the room we're staying at while I sit in the car, or even at the bar if her fling takes place in the vehicle itself. I never get mad and she always offers me a free pass the next morning to do the same to her one day, but I don't use it.

"Are you sure you're cool with this?" She asks me, as the guy she's been hitting on grabs his coat.

I nod. "Riley, honestly I don't care, it's your car anyway, try and text me if he turns out to be into anything weird. " She rolls her eyes, and downs her last drink.

"You want me to let you know just so you can get some of that, I know you're into some weird shit." Laughing, she stands up, as my middle finger shoots up. I mean anyone can enjoy a little weird, but I'm not gonna be fuel to her flame. She heads out with the guy and I pretend to busy myself reading the label on the full bottle of  beer in front of me. I usually do this until the bartender asks me if I'm alright, and then when I nod he gives me another bottle. This time I'm doing it because the guy on a stool away from me is glancing not so discretely at me every few seconds, and I don't feel like talking to anyone tonight.

"If you're gonna pretend to read that at least move your eyes a little." The guy says and my eyes flick up before I turn my head to look at him, familiar. "It would make it a little more believable."

" Maybe you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't staring so hard. " I bite back and he smiles. My hand is wet from condensation on the bottle, it's lost its chill as I drink from it. Thinking this man is gonna stop talking to me and just move on to annoy someone else was the first mistake I made. The second was when I actually acknowledged the fact that he had now moved to the stool where Riley was sitting.

"Is she your sister?" He asks, I roll my eyes. "I'm Dean, by the way." Dean Winchester, I think, of course he is. My silence gives him a moment to take another drink from his glass before he licks his lips.

"Hm, I expected Dean Winchester to be a little," I look him over for emphasis. "More intimidating." And then I smile slightly. His smirk made it obvious he wasn't the least bit offended by that, taking it more as a game.

"Should I know you?" Are his next words and I shake my head because it isn't likely, me and Riley keep to ourselves. Then again, he's a Winchester.

"Bo Shoemaker." And then I mentally curse myself because when the hell do I ever give my real last name. It's like that one rule totally left my mind. Dean's face seems to recognize it and he's just processing it, almost as if he'd be embarrassed if he said anything wrong.

"Shoemaker, as in-"

"Yeah, exactly." I cut in because I don't wanna hear his name out loud.

"So that girl, Riley Duncan I'm guessing?" I nod at that. "Bobby always says me and my brother-"

"That we're just like you and Sam, yeah I know and it's ridiculous." Once again he's cut off. "Look I should go, we gotta head out early tomorrow and it's my turn to drive." Liar.

Before Dean can say anything else I stand up, leave money, and walk out before conversation can go any further. I have no clue where I'm gonna go but honestly anything is better than having to discuss personal life. The spot our car was in is now empty, looking around at the last three cars left in the lot shows just how late it is. I scuff my boots against the pavement as I take short walks across the small area I'm given. My hands are shoved into my jacket pockets, and my breath fogs up the air in front of me. It's fucking freezing out here and I'm the coward that walked out just so I didn't have to face the truth. Dean wasn't innocent, but his curiosity was and all I had to do was say I didn't want to talk about it, of course he would have understood. I sit down on the curb of the sidewalk in front of the building, knowing Riley, I would be here a while.

His keys jingle as he approaches my side , and his booted feet crunch against some leaves when he steps off the curb to sit on it.

"I don't really want to talk about it. " I mumble, picking at the thread in my jeans. Dean doesn't say anything for a while, he only extends his legs in front of him.

"Yeah I get it, you need a ride anywhere?" He asks, looking at me.

"How long have they been gone?" I question, considering that it felt like ages since Riley had left me. Dean simply just shows me his wrist and the watch tells me it's been about an hour of me sitting out here.

"Yeah, the motel down the road." I answer his question and stand up at the same time as him. I can tell which car is gonna be his but I still wait for him to make the first move towards it before getting in the passenger side. We take the short drive to the motel, I thank him for the ride and get out as soon as I can.

"Hey, " I look back at him as he stands in the open doorway of his car. "What're you two in town for anyway."

"Not gonna let you steal our hunt Winchester." I smirk towards him and keep walking to our room. Giving the door a few knocks just to be safe, and hearing only the TV playing some ridiculously fake action film gives me the clear to go inside. Riley is on her bed, staring blankly at the screen. When she sees me the TV gets turned off, and her eyes close, she had been waiting for me to come back before she could comfortably fall asleep. The blankets are extremely thin, and my old shirt and shorts don't do much justice for any extra warmth. My eyes close, but I never fall asleep, as always.

.

The next morning we were up early, much to Riley's protest, in our smartest clothes, as we speak to some of the victim's family and friends. The guy's sister and roommate didn't have much information for us when I looked at the notes I took. I look up for just a second to acknowledge the waitress before looking back at my papers, the lady sets the plates down, it's mostly Riley's food anyway.

"Come on, take a break." She says with her mouth already full of pancake.

"We're missing so much yet I feel like it's right in front of our face." Dropping my pen, I replace it with my coffee mug and drink the rest of it.

" We'll figure it out." She assures and when I finally give her a real look her eyes are pointed in a direction outside. I turn my gaze to match hers and see her focus is on the Winchesters. I knew this would happen, I just had hoped I was wrong. What else would practically the most well known hunters be doing in a small town like this.

"Damn it, they're gonna take our hunt. " I groan.

"They can try, we were here first and I bet you got more of a lead anyway. " I go to argue because I know of Sam's records, and he's good at what he does when it comes to research, but Riley's chugging a cup of coffee and walking out the door before I can speak. Leaving a bit of money on the table and rushing to pack all my things up, I follow after her.

"Listen, what we had was great last night but that doesn't mean you can follow me." Is Riley's opening line towards Sam when I get out there, Dean laughs and Sam half smiles shaking his head. They're probably coming from where we just were based on the suits they're in. I finally reach her side and fix the strap of my bag on my shoulder. The boys look at me for a second before looking back at Riley who isn't done talking yet.

"This hunt is ours so don't even think about meddling in on us. "

"Hey, what's wrong with a little help?" Dean says with that smirk I already despise.

"We don't need help." I snap back at him. But then I get confused when Riley doesn't back me up.

"Bo, we could use some help, you said yourself that you didn't have enough, they might have what we're missing" She speaks quietly to me and I'm pissed because she's absolutely right and I still don't want their help.

"We're heading back to where we're staying, you guys can come with us and we'll see if we can piece anything together." Sam offers, the quiet conversation Riley was having with my ear probably wasn't too secret being we're only a few feet away.

"Yeah that's good, Sam come with me." And with that me and Dean are left standing there as Sam and Riley get in her car and drive off to the place. Dean goes to the passenger side of his car and opens the door for me, my eyebrows rise and he just shrugs. I get in the car with a huff and he shuts the door before getting in the drivers side and starting her up. The car ride is similar to last nights with no talking until we get to the motel they've been staying at.

The rest of the day and the late hours of the night are spent with me and Sam "geeking out" together, as Riley called it. Her and Dean just sat back and looked up anything we asked for. After all of us had gone through our fifth round of coffee Riley had called it a night and went to our room and an hour after that Sam headed to bed. I packed up my things roughly just to transport them to our room so I could continue working.

"Goodnight." Dean says when I try to leave without saying anything to him. I hardly glance over my shoulder and give a slight nod and a mumble before slipping out of the room and into ours.

-

"Bo, I don't see why it's so important to you that we do this on our own." Riley complains as I am trying to convince her to leave before we can meet up with the boys. Call me selfish, but I am feeling pretty confident that we have all the information we need after last night with Sam. Instead of answering her, I just start throwing her clothes that somehow managed to explode out of her bag within a night. I hear her groan and then go into the bathroom to get her other things. I slip out of the motel room to go load up the car with our duffel bags. Just as I shut the back car door, I look up to see Dean looking right back at me. What the hell? Why was he always around.

"What?" I ask, the question comes out a little more snarky than I intended. At first I had thought that I would get off easy when he just simply shook his head.

"Well, I definitely was comparing you more to Sam this whole time, but you and me seem to have some things in common too." He says with a sort of surprised tone. I roll my eyes, because the last thing I want is to be compared to Dean Winchester.

" I prefer to work alone too, just me and Sam." He finishes. I nod and decide to end this conversation as soon as I can.

"You should understand that it isn't personal then?" He nods at my comment this time. "Anyways, let's face it, we'll most likely cross paths again won't we? Hopefully it'll be a while" Dean laughs at that and heads back into his room. Riley comes out shortly after and we get in her car and head off to undergo the action of this hunt.

[soldierallen]

Married. 6

Warnings: crying, arguing, few curse words, asking for sex?.

Featuring: Sebastian Stan, Henry Cavill, Anthony Mackie, Chris Evans, Alexandra Daddario.

A/N: thanks for all the love and support I really appreciate this and all the love that has been giving over these weeks also something funny Henry cavill is coming out with a new movie his costar...? Alexandra Daddario! We love that for us I actually really love Alexandra Daddario and she's SUCH A villain in this series but hey you have to have one

Part 5:

÷

As he got into the car and drove like a mad man he was so angry he wanted nothing more than to break her heart like she broke his fiancé he felt he couldn't take it anymore when He got there and had to walk up that flight of stairs...

○○○○○○○

"Did you have to get an apartment with stairs and also live three stories up" Sebastian said holding a box filled with books/magiznes

"Listen asshole, it's a cheap rent and I don't have a lot of money, Daddy's trustfund doesn't exist for me like it did for you" she rolled her eyes at him

"Okay listen that's absolutely not my fault my step father is loaded I'm his only son" Sebastian said with a smirk on his lips he eyed y/n up and down from behind her

"You're an asshole" Henry said right behind seb with a box in his hands

"I totally agree Seb shut up" Anthony said holding a box and it sorta falling he quickly grabbed it

"Anthony do not drop that box sebastian's mothers vase is in it" she said everyone rolled their eyes they hated that ugly vase but it symbolized "purity & forgiveness"

"Chris" she yelled out as everyone walked up the stairs not hearing Chris or seeing him

"Yeah I'm getting tired" he yelled, they finally got to the last three steps into her apartment

"I hate these damn steps, how long have you been living here" Sebastian said putting the box down in her place taking the back of his hand and wiping his forehead like a jerk.

"Its been 20 minutes you asshole" she laughed, he pulled her in them facing each other both out of breath "You're always here for me I can't deny how grateful I am for all four of you" she said trying to catch her breath from the stairs "whenever you need me, I'll be there I promise." He said with a light in his eyes.

○○○○○○○○

"Sebastian" Y/n said she wasn't prepared for him to be in her home in the first place.

"You've got some nerve" he was pulled out of his memories, not even realizing he knocked on her door

"What?" Her voice got high not excepting those words to come out his mouth he welcomed himself in being angry he didn't want to be but he was.

"You threatened her that you were going to ruin the wedding because you're in love with me" he said using his arms to get his point across he was mad in the car however He never wanted to ruin things between them.

She was flabbergasted, the words he spoke took her by such surprise she actually took a step backwards, he knew her feelings and didn't even care to talk about them to?

"Do you really-" her words not coming out properly "what did she say to you?" She closed the door to her apartment turning around and facing her

"You're not coming to the wedding because you're going to ruin the wedding! You're going to throw away our friendship because of your feelings?" He yelled getting angrier by the seconds

"Hold on you're gonna throw all of this on me that it's my fault?" She yelled loudly her apartment walls felt like they were shaking

"Since the beginning i knew you hated her I didn't know why until now...you're just a selfish little cry baby that can't take rejection" he never wanted to show her this side of him, his anger was pouring out of his ears his face turning different colors as he spoke, her heart was demolished at this point.

"I can take rejection, but I bet you can't take not being good enough because guess what your "wife" cheated on you, and she has been for months" her words steadily coming out like knives she didn't know she had it in her to be this devious keeping these lies for so long.

"She'd never do that to me you're a liar" not excepting those words to come out her mouth, his face soften trying to understand

"for months she's been leaving your HOME to cheat on you with another man how does that feel" she said feeling the heat rise in her entire body

His thoughts were racing

"No you're lying stop you're just trying to break us apart" He said his anger flooded his mind once again she handed him the check that was already in her pocket she pulled out her cellphone as well

"She gave this to me to stop talking to you, she threaten my job, our relationship" he sat down them both next to each other as he read the check, his eyes he felt were deceiving him

he insisted she was lying "No this is fake you're a lunatic!"

"Her "cousin" "Peter" is actually a man named Robbie she stood at Henry's hotel to stay with him for the night, she got caught and came home that night because of us" she said her voice not raised anymore they didn't look at each other they looked Straight ahead at a blank tv

"I have proof of all of it, I have witnesses I wasn't going to tell you if I didn't know and than yesterday I got her confession, Sebastian you can't marry her I forbid it"

"Let me hear it" he stared blankly with no emotion showing he took his leather jacket off, getting himself ready

"Sebastian take precaution before you liste-"

"Let me hear it"

She turned on her phone unlocking it going into her apps and pressing play

"Tell me one thing, why are you leading him on like this why are you... destroying him like this Sebastian could have such a full life"

"It's like playing with toys, you have the one toy you love bring it everywhere with you show it off it means the world to you without it you don't know what would happen, but then you come home and you see that one doll you bought awhile ago it's not the prettiest in the bunch, if anyone knew you liked the old doll better they would call you a hoarder you don't want to be a hoarder so you throw everything out and only have the nice pretty thing in front of you but right behind your closet door sits the doll you've loved your entire life"

His head spinned he wasn't sure how to take this, he felt his chest closing in on him she put her hand on his bicep "seb please" she begged for him to let out his thoughts he stood up quickly

"do you realize what's going to happen to me" He said she sat still looking up at him as he freaked out

"I bought a house with this women, i-i spent thousands of dollars on a wedding I still am in love with her I came here to stop you...not to stop my own marriage" he felt like he was going to be sick.

"And you're still going to marry her..." She stood in silence awaiting his reply.

"Do I have another choice" he said, he felt the blood in his vains run cold.

"Yes Sebastian you do have a choice! you can't marry her you can't do this to yourself and to me" she was going to cry she felt that ball in her throat it was going to happen soon

"I can't stop now, too much time money and sweat went into this I can't just give up" His words were final. he felt like he was going to cry as he put back his jacket

"If you marry her Sebastian, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you... after all this time and you still haven't seen what she is I showed you so much evidence and its STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'm never good enough for you" she was crying, and he tried so hard not to but a few tears landed on his shirt

"I don't wanna lose you you're a part of me; you're good enough you're best women I've ever met in my life" he said he felt like he was losing a piece of his personality, his life. Her

"Than don't marry her, we'll figure it out we'll fix this seb" she cried wiping her tears "we can't fix it" he cried "something broken can always be fixed" her words came out, he nodded his head he turned around and walked out the door shutting behind him she threw the pillow that was in her arms length at the door tears poured out of her eyes she was so mad and angry she didn't know what to do with it she laid on her floor in a ball crying for hours, her thoughts in her mind was only

Why doesn't he love me? Why am I not good enough? He knows she's a cheater and he's still going to marry her?, more questions and what if's sat in her mind making her cry that night she cried herself, that night Sebastian screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs crying out all of his frustration on the hill he fell in love with y/n at, no other person would ever compare to her he thought why am I still going through with this? What is wrong with Me? He cried and cried trying to figure out why he was like this he texted his friends telling them everything that happened.

-

Today had made 2 days until the wedding, her friendship with Sebastian no longer existed, it was 12pm she woke up in tears once again she hated everything wanted to see nobody, "why am I not good enough for him"

"Y/n open the door" Henry said knocking loudly she laid on her floor still from the night before crying

"I am here to so is Chris" Anthony said he let out a breath ready to talk to his best friend about his other best friend who is a fucking jerk.

"I don't wanna see anyone please go home to your families and leave me alone" she said muffled in a pillow as her crying made her face swollen, her eyes throb & body weak.. it's never been like this before heartbreak as never felt like this before.

"I don't have anyone you're my family, you know that sweetheart we love you please open the door" Henry said in his sweetest voice, Henry knew her weakspots

"I hate you for making me feel bad when I already feel bad" her face was squished up against her pillow on the carpeted floor fully clothed from the night before shoes and everything

"Open the door" Chris said she got up and unlocked the door the three men walking in her body shaking as she made her way back into her positioned

them three always made themselves at home at her place

Chris turned on the tv and sat next to her Anthony went to the bathroom and Henry fixed himself a bowl of cereal

she laid her face into the carpet instead of the pillow from previously, her body curled into a ball she's never felt like this she started crying again "Downey wants to see me at the office tonight but I have absolutely no strength to get up or be a human" she cries her breathing not catching up with her cries

"Hey" Chris said rubbing her back "I can't breathe I feel like I can't breath" she said "I know" he said Anthony came out the bathroom and sat next to her as well she put her head in his lap

"Anthony, what am I gonna do" he pushed the hair out of her face she sniffles looking up at him "What we always do Get through it, We love you he chose to marry her and ruin your friendship he's an asshole who doesn't deserve you" he said Henry and Chris nodding along to what Anthony said

"You deserve friends who are going to be there for you through thick and thin we'll always be here for you no matter what"

"Henry you had that date" she realized getting up half way "I cancelled" "and Chris you had the wedding arrangements with jen" "pushed it back" "Anthony the game" "over early"

"You didn't have to-" Henry put his finger on his lips for her to be quiet she rolled her eyes at him still tears falling rapidly she couldn't stop crying

"We're always going to come, you introduced me to my wife she knows Jennie knows you and whoever Henry gets married to in the future is going to have to deal with you too, you're a part of us our sister always" Anthony said

"don't give up on us" Chris patted her leg for reassurance "I'm sorry" she apologized for crying

"Hey you haven't had a good breakdown in a while" Chris laughed she tried to smile through the tears she sat upwards not laying on Anthony, Henry finally done with his food he came in the living room, sitting on the floor with us "I have a meeting with Downey at 5"

"I'll help you get ready later like old times, seven hours until than relax okay" Henry said kissing her temple trying to soothe her as much as he could

"I love you guys" she sniffles making Henry give the softest smile he put his head on her shoulder "we love you" Chris said rubbing her back still

They all sat together for one hour not one word spoken watching episodes of friends not saying a word to each other Henry ordered Chinese and everyone mostly ate in silence except for a small debate about football coming in contact for a few minutes, she just watched them she knew nothing about sports not because nobody would teach her she just wasn't into it, she sat and realized to herself this is my family I wouldn't be in this place this life without them and the influence they've brought in my life

She got up and cleaned whatever mess was made taking a shower and got ready for a meeting with Downey Henry helping her guiding her along the way he sa outside the door waiting for her "hurry up" he knocked on the door knowing if she stayed any longer she'd start thinking about him

"You're all welcome to stay as long as you want" she put a key on the coffee table "lock my door" she hugged the men they hugged back "watch yourself pay attention to the road no texting and text me when you get there so I know you're okay" Henry said letting go of his hug shoving his hands in his pockets

"Of course, don't buy porn on my cable" the boys laughed at her joke walking out

Maybe she wasn't going to be a mess anymore he was finally out of her life, no more arguing or being a shoulder to cry on, however her feelings were never gonna go away she's never been in tremendous love before she looks at him she gets butterflies when she touches his hand she feels sparks. Why couldn't it be her.

She got into her car, she sat there crying.. why do men treat me like this? Am I just a pawn in their games or what?

'

Sebastian woke up in his bed next to the women he was marrying in two days he wanted nothing from her or her anymore, he knew the truth she was cheater a liar

"Why are you staring at me" she said with her eyes closed

"Just admiring what a manipulative person you are" were the words he wanted so badly to come out his mouth but the real words were "just admiring your beauty that's all" he fake smiled and she opened her eyes kissing his lips he didn't recopcaite

"Seb is there something..wrong?" She paused

"No everything's great just.. fine" he got up to go to the bathroom when she pulled him back "come on let's break in this new bed" she snuggled into his arm "I'm really not in the mood for that"

"Oh come on seb please"

"I said no" he gently took her hand off his arm and went into the bathroom, he wanted nothing to do with her why is continuing to do this to himself??

Tagged: @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandom @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91

[speakfreely000]

Today's Topic: Contentment

Today's topic comes from the amazing book I've been reading every day, "God is in the small stuff". It states how we feel that if we are content, it means we have stopped striving. But like in my previous blog, "Appreciation and Patience", it ties in with this message today of being grateful for what you have, while you be patient for what's to come.

Definition of contentment via Google says: "a state of happiness and satisfaction." Don't we all want to be content? Most of us aren't. We think we will be content when we retire and our 401k checks come in. Why not start that today? Why wait however many years it will be till you retire?

We think being content is like being complacent, lazy and don't want to go further or backward. But the difference between both is that complacent is slacking off on your duties and being okay with it. Being content means that you are grateful for what you have and don't mind sitting with it until the next door opens up.

We overwork and stress ourselves out trying to be "content". Work our asses off, just to go on vacation and be "content" for a few days. It shouldn't have to take a vacation to do that, we should be content with ourselves and everything we have first thing in the morning. Now, if you are wanting or needing to make changes, by all means, fix what you need to fix. You shouldn't be content with being a liar, or a selfish person.

When you find contentment within yourself, you are free. You find yourself free of wanting it all NOW, and free from stress. I definitely need to practice and apply this, as I am finding quite a couple things I'm not content with. I have been doing this blog for a while now, and waiting for some more traction on it. I am starting a zoom therapy session meetings and I'm nervous if anyone will show up or be interested. I am currently still trying to find a sponsor and feel like I've asked so many people about it, that I'm starting to get annoyed with myself. I have yet to hear back from my doctor about getting a therapist, a lot of things are in limbo in my life.

I have to remember what was said at the NA meeting last night. Surrender. I spoke in the meeting saying that I have to mentally surrender to God because I have already physically done that with weed. But I know for damn sure I have not fully surrendered every part of me and my life to God. It's tough, because you're asking a control freak to give it all up. That doesn't make me content. But knowing that I don't have to be the manager of it all, and stress myself out, that makes me feel content.

If I continue to surrender and place myself in contentment, I will be just fine and God will start to work in all the areas of my life without me trying to take the reins. Let's be content with ourselves and stop stressing, God can take it from here!

Exercise for this topic:

Think of what you need to be content with. This could be stress about work, relationships, events, family worry, anything!

Write it down and say a prayer to God asking him to help you be content and stress free, since he is on our side always. Ask God to show you what contentment looks like and to help you apply it to your daily life.

Thank you for reading this message it's always a pleasure to come on here and share my thoughts for the day. Feel free to DM me with any topics you want shared or email me directly at speakfreely000@gmail.com.

Have a great day and HUG YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

Mariah

[terselylove]

Depression...

My experience of dealing with social anxiety is a feeling of overwhelming fear when interacting with individuals I wasn’t comfortable with. I was unable to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and struggled to keep a conversation going. I came off as both extremely quiet and shy, as well as rude, which anyone who knows me well knows I am the opposite of.

During this period of my life my self-confidence was at an all-time low, and I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. I stayed away from people as much as I could, and felt I made an embarrassment of myself whenever I went out in public. I constantly had a voice in my head saying “Why would anyone want to be friends with you? You are ugly and pathetic.”...

I love summer. Lighter evenings, longer days, warmer weather, summer dresses, perhaps even some sun if we’re lucky. Generally speaking, as seems to be common with most people I speak to –  when the sun is out, I’m in a better mood. However, as someone who also experiences periods of depression, I’ve found that this isn’t generally the case when it comes to my mental health.I’m fortunate that I’m currently in a much better place at the moment but, when I think back to a few years ago, I found the summer months to be an immense struggle.When the clocks sprung forward, it all felt a little bit daunting. The things I’d usually look forward to about the change in seasons now served as reminders that I really wasn’t ok.The lighter evenings and longer days meant more time counting down the hours until it was dark enough to go to sleep. The warmer weather meant more plans to cancel and, as a result, more excuses to make up. I couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm to decide what to wear each day – something which would ordinarily bring me a lot of enjoyment – and so the summer dresses stayed at the back of my wardrobe.Perhaps depression is a little easier to understand in the winter. It’s dark, it’s cold, most people are spending evenings at home not really doing much. If I was having a particularly bad day / week / month, it didn't feel so wrong to get home from work, change into my pyjamas and just go to bed.Yet when summer rolled around, it seemed as though everyone was out and about having the ‘best time ever’. 

And then there I was, struggling to get out of bed.For someone experiencing depression, it can be difficult to watch those around you enjoying themselves. I'd mute group chats so as not to be met with the constant barrage of plans, I'd excuse myself from after-work drinks, and I'd invent reasons not to attend BBQs and family gatherings.“But it’s such a nice day…” people would say, “you should get out the house, it might cheer you up."Yes it was a nice day but, whilst their words were well-meaning, they simply weren't helpful. I already felt as though I was wasting my summer and I knew I should get out the house, but it just didn't seem possible. A nice walk on a sunny afternoon might do wonders if I'm just having an 'off day', but depression is so much more than that, and a sunny afternoon isn't a cure.Depression doesn't care about the weather, your weekend plans, or the birthday coming up that you'd do anything to be able to enjoy. It doesn't think to itself "summer is here, time for me to disappear for the next few months."

That isn't how it works.I'm in the fortunate position of having friends I could be honest with. Friends who would still keep inviting me to things 'in case I felt up to it' and didn't judge me when I stopped replying to messages for days or weeks on end. They'd suggest shorter periods of socialising that felt a lot less daunting, and remind me that they were still around if and when I felt up to going out.In more recent years, I've managed to enjoy my summers without the weight of depression casting a shadow over them to quite the same extent, and for that I'm incredibly thankful. I think my own experience has also made me more aware of how others might be feeling, and I'd encourage anyone who thinks a friend might be struggling to try to understand and have a little patience. 

Some people understand it, some think it’s an attention call. For me, depression is like that pile of laundry that you don’t want to show in your Instagram pictures. I never want to show my pile of laundry to the world, I want my life to seem happy and put together, as if I folded and put away all my laundry right out of the dryer.Ever since high school I have suffered with extreme depression and anxiety. I can defend the issue for hours and hours, however I get embarrassed when I feel sad. I get so embarrassed when I am sad and those around me do not understand and treat me as if I’m crazy.Typically most of my life I’ve always just been called dramatic when I’m upset. It has become one of my biggest triggers, because most of my life I haven't had that fight to defend it. I just, quite simply, let it eat at me.Depression can be the hardest when others just don’t understand you. I get sad for no reason so often that I’ve created safe spaces. In our current home, my safe place is my bathroom floor. Probably about at least three times a month you can find me locked in my bathroom on the floor, crying. The lock on that door is the only form of power I feel I have at that moment.

I see you.

I share this because it’s real, I share this because everyone has that pile of laundry.

I know everyone may not have depression, but everyone has something hard they’ve experienced, everyone has something to share and everyone has something to relate to.

Many times I have found myself on that bathroom floor contemplating life and how to make it past that very moment, will I? I have to say how thankful I am that I haven’t followed through. Life is so hard. Sprinkle on some depression, heck, dump it on - and life is now even more hard.Please don’t ask me how I can be so sad I could contemplate suicide. Because honestly I do not know, nor do most people in that situation. How did we make it to this moment? What did I do to deserve this sorrow?You never know who is hurting. Those who are, we often are the most resistant, waiting for a hand to be held out for us to grab onto as the pressure of our mental being closes in on us.Check up on those who are quiet, those who check up on you; maybe conversation is being sparked due to their need to communicate. Let’s talk about our hard times, it’s healing, not embarrassing.So, here’s my laundry pile. You’re not alone.

 Depression is not an emotion - it's an illness

Ah, mental health stigma surrounding depression. The worst that's been said to me in all these years having depression is:"Don't go and have a moment on me!""Don't quit your job. I know your job has been making you feel depressed but you're being stupid. You haven't tried hard enough.""Is that all your depressed about?""Stop being ungrateful and take your Great Aunt's advice!"

Please, stop.

This is not me being lazy, ungrateful or selfish. This is me dealing, sometimes suffering, with depression. This is my demon running its black toxins through my head, poisoning my thoughts and feelings.

Depression is not an emotion, it's an illness. A completely and utterly illogical illness. Just like with colds, for example, some colds can just be a little sniffle, sneeze, etc, while some colds can completely wipe you out and keep you bed-bound for x amount of time. Whether you have a mild cold or one from hell, you still have a valid cold. People with the strongest immune systems can still be affected by them.

From an outsider’s point of view, sure, they would be able to see the positive things going on in your life. However, when depression strikes, for me at least, it feels like a part of my brain has turned off the switch to be able to enjoy things. If it's really bad, I'm unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel with whatever I'm dealing with. I can also feel like a shell of a person sometimes. It's as if my brain has temporarily sucked up my personality and misplaced it somewhere else. I'm there but not there at the same time.

I don't choose to do this, depression is basically trying to tie me down in a chair at the cinema, forcing me to watch its fake "reality" tale about how my life will always be rubbish, dark, etc and how I'm worthless. Sometimes I can fight it off, but other times it can catch me off guard and I believe it for a while. Depression, by the way, is one hell of a liar.

The best way I can describe the switch being turned off is while you can see the beautiful colours of the world, I only see black, grey and white. My favourite meal in front of me is suddenly tasteless mush. My favourite TV show/YouTube channel is changed to, what feels like, a very boring presentation about something I've never been remotely interested in. Going out with loved ones can feel like everyone is spinning around me in fast motion while I'm sitting there in slow.

Depression is one of the worst things I have ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thankfully over the last 9 years I've learned to differentiate my depression thoughts from my healthy thoughts. I know my depression is just trying to make me watch a fake tale about me and my life, like how I described earlier, but I know I can beat it each and every time it knocks me. Depression might be strong but I'm much, much stronger.

Please do not judge other people's struggles and do listen to what they have to say. Their mountain may be a molehill to you, but everyone is different and everyone’s feelings are valid. Please, please always remember that.

For a long while, I've been having issues with mental health. I remember asking my mum one day years ago if hearing and seeing things was normal and her response still sticks with me. "You're too young and don't know what REAL mental health problems are."

At the time I was incredibly depressed, anxious and scared of myself and what I might do. Whenever I tried to reach out and ask to see someone for help because I was seeing things, she always gave an excuse to dismiss what was going on, like I needed more sleep or I needed to "stay off that phone!". I just wish she might have listened a bit more, instead of brushing me off as lying, or getting angry and impatient with me. If she had been more supportive, I would have felt more capable of handling myself during my bad episodes. 

Considering that not even my own mother would believe me, I truly felt alone and thought that no one would listen to me and brush me off as liar or even a fake. It made it hard for me to reach out for help or take care of myself in the ways I needed.

Now that I'm in my later years of university and I'm in a relationship, I've had to be truthful to myself and acknowledge that I do have issues that need help with. It's taken me even longer to learn how to trust people, that people will reach out to help me if I ask for the help I dearly need. That I won't be told I'm too young or it's because I'm tired or because I'm on my phone too much before going to sleep.

It's taken me years to realize that I need help and that no one but me can choose whether or not what I'm dealing with is real. I don't need someone to compare their own experiences to mine and deem my cry for help as valid or not. But if I had a parent that believed me and took me to someplace where I could've gotten the help I needed, I think I would've been able to cope better with my conditions now.

Some people fail to realize that mental health doesn't discriminate against age and sadly for me it was the person I looked up to most that failed me.

I never know how to explain depression to someone. It’s so different for everyone and comes in so many different forms. Some people describe their depression as a weight that holds them down, ever-present and demanding of their time. Others describe it as a shadow that looms in the back of your mind, always taunting and jabbing and trying to tear you down. Some days, you just have thicker skin. And then sometimes, depression is described like drowning. It’s wading in an ocean of poison and barely catching your breath before you’re dragged back under. 

I don’t think people understand that depression is constant. Some days it doesn’t feel as heavy, it doesn't tug and pull as hard. And other days, it knocks you down before you can even get out of bed. 

I am always fighting this constant battle with myself. I may smile and laugh and seem happy, but know that, somewhere, in the back of my mind I'm struggling. The happy interludes, the in-between where the weight doesn’t feel as heavy, are simply vacations from the reality that is my depression.

It makes me feel like a failure, no matter my successes. I feel worthless and like I’m a burden on everyone around me.

My depression is a beast that lives inside me. It whispers horrible things in my ear, tells me that I am waste of space. And all the while, I have to smile and pretend I’m okay.

That life isn’t beating me, no way. I’m too stubborn for that. I have to pretend that there isn’t some rabid animal inside of me, clawing to get its grip around my throat and snuff out my life. 

People who don’t have depression don’t understand. But they can still be there for people like me. When they say something that scares you, don’t yell. Don’t get angry because you don’t comprehend how their mind works.

My mind is a scary place. I shouldn’t need to open up and spill my darkness for your compassion.  

Support people with depression, even if you don’t understand. Just be there. 

[spoopercorp]

Supercorp Fic 2/4

Summary: Kara leaves for a mission and when she returns, she is not entirely herself - Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El are gone. All that is left is Supergirl, last child of Krypton and now Rao’s successor.

Chapter Summary: Lena struggles, the ordeal hitting her harder than she will ever admit. She tries to convince herself that the Kara she knew is gone forever, that Supergirl is all that remains, that any trace of their friendship is nonexistent.

But Supergirl keeps coming back to her balcony, and it often leaves Lena wondering why.

Based on this: “plastic-pipes.tumblr.com/post/161320253433/plastic-pipes-i-can-c-basically-its-kinda-i” by @plastic-pipes.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

"What am I supposed to do?"

Lena could feel Alex fume from the other line.

"Something!" she cried out, desperate, "Anything!"

"I'm not..." Lena trailed off, took a deep breath, "I'm not you. I'm not James. I'm not Winn. I'm just..."

She faltered again.

"Kara and I, we've only shared a few lunches together, we've only traded some light banter, we've only known each other for a few months. Agent Danvers, I probably don't mean that much to her. I'm not going to be enough."

"Listen here, Luthor, time doesn't always dictate the strength of a friendship. But I know Kara, she cares about you. A lot. So if you don't get your fucking ass out and help, if she doesn't come back home, then I'm blaming you for doing absolutely nothing while everyone else tried."

"Okay, okay."

Then Lena slumped against her desk and she finally shed a tear, "I'm sorry..."

Her apology was hoarse, but sincere.

There was a long stretch of silence.

"Don't be a coward, Lena."

She flinched at the words.

"But you've actually saved her before," she whispered solemnly.

There was a small pause.

"But you've saved the entire alien population on Earth. You can save Kara."

There was a flat, droning beep once Alex hung up.

And Lena was left alone in her office.

She sighed shakily before sliding her phone onto her desk, before moving to her cabinet and pouring herself a cup of lukewarm bourbon.

She tossed some ice into the whiskey, then moved to her balcony.

Lena was three cups into her liquor, her thoughts foggy, when she arrived.

It startled her and she jumped, the glass slipped from her hand - it was pulled by gravity, headed towards the ground many stories below and awaiting its shattering fate.

But Supergirl caught it with her almighty hand.

Lena examined the Kryptonian floating in front of her, on the other side of the railing.

Supergirl adorned the stars - the deep space of the universe wrapped fittingly around her body. Her cape was long, it passed her bare feet by a yard with a pointed end; the red of the otherworldly cloth was deeper, darker than her original suit.

The emblem on her chest was a bright gold, as if a blazing, fiery star was actually encased within the symbol - the seams that lined around the fabric were just as radiant.

She was the descendant of the sun.

She was hallowed, but hollow.

Her eyes were equally shining, though almost blank.

But Lena averted her gaze, before she lingered and thought there was a reason for the 'almost'.

That was when she realized Supergirl was still, her arm stretched out to return the glass of bourbon.

Lena took it back, made sure that she very carefully avoided making any physical contact.

"Thanks, Supergirl."

It was easy to call her that.

It's not her.

It's not.

Her tone was terse and rude, the alcohol loosening her tongue more and more, and she bit the muscle in the hopes of preventing herself from saying something stupid.

The woman in front of her simply tilted her head.

"What?" Lena snapped again.

"You do not address me as Kara, like everyone else," Supergirl stated, and she seemed unaffected by the Luthor's instability.

"'Cause you aren't," she bit out, and it sounded a little menacing.

Lena was most certainly not prepared for this visit. She did not have any other background information other than it was a mission that had gone awry. She thought, with bitter humor, that Supergirl was 'promoted' in a way.

"You are intoxicated," the Kryptonian stated.

Lena scoffed, rolled her eyes, "Please. Tell me something I don't know."

Supergirl did not speak.

She left.

And Lena was unsure whether or not she was thankful for that.

She fell asleep that night in tears, her heart aching for Kara as she wallowed in drunken agony.

Again.

She missed her.

She missed her so much it felt like she was being torn apart inside.

Lena woke up in her bed and routinely - robotically - entered her luxurious and oversized bathroom, ornate with marble and unnecessarily extravagant pillars.

All for one lonely occupant.

She grimaced from the hangover, and when she faced the mirror she noted that in her exhaustion she left her makeup on the night before, and she was still in her dress clothes.

Lena stared at herself, lipstick and mascara smudged from wiping away her tears and tossing and turning in her restless sleep.

Her dull green eyes were drained of life, they were barren and desolate, and there was perhaps just as much nothingness in them as Supergirl's.

Almost.

The grief in Lena's eyes had always been unmatched.

Unrivalled until she met her.

Kara Danvers, totally awkward and totally normal, totally human, junior reporter from CatCo.

It did not take long for Lena to fall in love, it was difficult not to be completely entranced by the blonde's love for food and curious fascination that drove her journalism.

Out of seven billion people on planet Earth, Lena's heart just had to stop for her, even though she knew that she herself would never be chosen.

Kara chose James, and though the relationship was temporary, he was everything that Lena was not - could not be.

The majority of the time she was a businesswoman, acting C.E.O. of L-Corp, so she had to be callous, cold, ruthless, with a brutal demeanor of indifference. She had to be cruel and strict and a Luthor. She was not outgoing, not terribly amicable, not quite in tune with even herself.

She was constantly lost.

Then Kara chose Mon-El, another temporary relationship, but yet another person that Lena could not be.

Her sarcastic quips were not lighthearted, they were bitter and wry and often had unintentional dark implications.

She was human - fragile - and being with a Kryptonian as a feeble being proved challenging enough without Lena being a part of an anti-alien family.

But she told herself that James was a human too, that he was an exception for Kara, and that gave her the tiniest of hopes before her mind over-thought; James was strong and passionate, but Lena was too.

She was strong on the outside, much stronger than him. It acted as a shield for how weak she was inside, and if that calculating shell was broken, then the rest of her shattered.

James did not have an impressive defense like Lena's, who gave her all on her heartless exterior. He was steadfast all around, he had a support system, he grew up with all types of love and he knew them and could reciprocate them, he could take hits from all angles, and he did not have an Achilles heel.

Lena did, and it took one well-measured strike to collapse her, to impair her so thoroughly to the point all that was left was a wreckage of fractured ruins.

Kara knew what love was, her heart was full of it and she received just as much or more in return.

Lena did not; no matter how much love she gave others, which had been exactly two people, it had never gone well.

She had to kill Jack.

And Lex was dead to her.

Maybe because she was so inept at love, because she was so disconnected and detached and unable to really fathom such an abstract concept.

So why did she give her heart to Kara? What made her different? She had already deceived her once, a liar just like everyone else when Lena had been completely open in their friendship.

She knew though, that Supergirl was Kara's secret to tell, that she was the sole person that could choose whether or not to disclose it and who to give that information to.

And Lena was never going to be one of them, and the thought really did not come to her as a shock - it was expected, but it still hurt.

The revelation left their bond in tatters, but time managed to patch it back together, even if there were still cracks, and Lena told herself that they would heal eventually, but the pain was still too recent.

Then she told herself that most of all, she was simply not enough.

By now, Lena was aware that almost all of her heart belonged to Kara; it was not consciously given, but it was still given willingly, just little bits and pieces after each of their lunches to the point Lena was unaware that it was even happening.

By the time she realized, it was too late - there was almost nothing left to give.

But Supergirl was the enemy, the cousin of Superman, the hero of Metropolis who locked her beloved brother up and further tore apart her already dysfunctional family.

And Lena ended up blaming herself anyway.

She still did.

She stood by, did nothing, as she watched her brother descend into insanity, despite the signs. Maybe it was because she was afraid of him, maybe it was because she understood the method to his barbaric madness.

If she refused to just sit by maybe Lex would not have killed thousands upon thousands of people. Maybe he would still be here with her, playing chess and showing her the ropes of being the C.E.O. of a multibillion dollar company. Maybe Lillian would have been less...inhumane and wicked.

Sometimes she wondered if she herself would soon follow.

But Lena would be damned if she stood by again, if the consequences of her inactions caused her another loss.

Lena would be damned if she just sat on the moon and watched as the flaring beauty of the sun flickered out.

And a selfish part of her did not want to try to bring Kara back, because if she tried and if she failed, that meant she was not enough.

Her conscience already had an abundance of burdens on her, weighing down her shoulders while she was already bleeding inside, crushing her chest until she was breathless and gasping for air.

But a sudden bout of dread filled Lena, spontaneously hitting her as she sat in her office chair, at the realization that Supergirl might not return due to her unforgivably inebriated state yesterday.

As night came and her employees trickled out of her building, Lena believed that she might never come back.

But she did, when everything in National City was so silent in its sleep that it might as well have been dead.

They were on the balcony again and this time Supergirl was hovering next to Lena, who was nursing yet another cup of liquor - rum this time.

They did not speak to one another, simply basked in the presence of the moon above them.

Then...

"You should rest."

Lena shrugged, elbows rested on the rails with her beverage in hand, "I don't need it. I'll sleep when pigs fly."

Supergirl gave a confused look for a second, but her mouth opened to state something instead of ask something, "Scientifically, humans-"

Lena took a sip of her drink, more sober than she was before, "I just mean I've always been a nighthawk."

"What is that?" Supergirl questioned after a moment.

"What's what?" Lena repeated, asking for clarification.

"A nighthawk," came the answer, simple.

Lena finally glanced to the side.

Of course. Gods don't really have any concept of...earthly things.

For a moment she wondered if Supergirl was gradually losing her more human memories, or if they were gone in the first place.

"I'm nocturnal to simply put it," she looked to the faint light in the cloudless sky, "I sleep once in a blue moon."

It was blunt, straight to the point.

Then it was silent again.

Then it was broken by Supergirl. Again.

"What does that mean? Once in a blue moon, that is. And what you said earlier about when pigs fly - pigs cannot fly."

And Lena found it baffling that the Kryptonian was trying to engage in a conversation; everyone else informed that holding one with her was taxing, because she never initiateed, because she preferred to be silent unless it was Alex.

And maybe Lena hated it a little bit because she was not one for small talk, never was, no one was willing to speak to her during her childhood up to when she met Jack Spheer, then Kara Danvers. Luckily for her, the blonde's mouth ran faster than her brain sometimes, so Lena was thankful that her rambling prevented her the option to speak.

Casual socializing was always pretty unnerving if she cared about the person.

Her thoughts were so harrowingly pensive she wanted to sedate herself - a coma was better than fighting for a lost cause.

"They're idioms," Lena explained slowly, cautiously, "They're phrases with meanings that aren't...inferable from the individual words themselves."

Supergirl nodded, "So?"

Lena scoffed, "Well, 'once in a blue moon' basically means 'rarely', and 'when pigs fly' basically means 'never' because, as you intelligently pointed out, pigs can't fly."

"You are amused by my lack of knowledge of these phrases."

"You hit the nail on the head," Lena answered with another idiom, maybe because she was slightly entertained by how Supergirl's eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

Then she realized that the crinkle was still there and her heart skipped a beat before she gulped the painful lump in her throat down with a swig of rum.

"And that means..."

"That you're correct in your assumption," Lena finished.

"You are speaking to me in idioms, hoping to entertain yourself with my confusion," Supergirl stated, "You do not seem to be much of one that enjoys creating jokes."

"Well, you can't judge a book by its cover," Lena smirked.

Supergirl took a moment to herself before replying, "And that means that one cannot judge something or someone based on appearance?"

"That's right," Lena smiled halfheartedly, "See? Piece of cake."

"I thought you were informed that I do not eat."

The Luthor sighed, "'Piece of cake' is actually another idiom. And here I thought gods were supposed to be omniscient."

Supergirl shook her head at the tease, "Idioms are...perplexing."

Lena only now noticed that they were both completely facing one another, entranced in their trivial banter, but she still forced distance - at least three feet apart from the goddess.

"Idioms are a part of everyday life," she explained, "Humans often speak metaphorically. We're based on emotions, and sometimes figurative statements work better than literal ones."

"I see."

Lena hummed, "I guess it's time for you to start hitting the books, just don't bite off more than you can chew."

The Kryptonian was quiet again.

"What, Supergirl? Can't wrap your head around idioms?" she joked, and a chuckle bubbled its way up her throat.

"I..." the heroine pressed her lips shut, then her ears twitched and she looked out into the distance.

"Go," Lena whispered, "They need you more."

Her own eyes widened a fraction at what she was implying with the last word.

They need you more than I do.

But Supergirl did not seem to contemplate the underlying meaning within the sentence and bolted off at sonic speed.

Her departure was excruciating, but Lena belatedly noticed that, and she was thankful that the delayed realization hit when she was in bed.

A week later, Supergirl visited again. At night. It seemed to always be at night, when everyone was gone and she was the only one present, and another thought dawned on Lena.

That she grew more and more angry every time they met. At Supergirl. At herself.

Though she did not analyze where it came from, she already vaguely knew its roots, there was no need to open more cans of worms for herself.

But when Supergirl landed, well, floated on her balcony...this time she looked a little...troubled.

But Lena did not pry and drank the alcohol in her hand instead, hoping the stupor was not so bad this time around.

And they were next to each other again, looking up at the stars, the very ones that anointed Lena's best friend.

Then finally, finally, she uttered something.

"Alexandra Danvers has taken me to many places, hoping to spark my memory."

Lena side-eyed her, saw that Supergirl was staring intently at her own hands.

She swallowed the bile in her throat, already knew that she would not like the answer.

"And you..." her voice wavered with her quivering lips, "Have you remembered something?"

"No."

The answer was succinct, decisive, and it hurt.

But the expression on Supergirl's face was almost...guilty.

"Oh," Lena said, clenching her hands so they stopped trembling, "I see. Are you okay?"

Her gaze returned to the night lights of the city, and the green in her eyes was glum.

"There is still almost nothing," Supergirl breathed, somewhat lamenting, "Yet...I find myself drawn here. To you. I think to you. It is...familiar. Were we..." she pauses, "We were something to each other, were we not? Something important?"

Lena's shoulders dropped, "Friends."

The word - the truth - tasted bitter on her tongue, more so than the liquor, but she continued, "You were - are - the closest person I have to a family. You're very important to me."

"I see..."

The tone was almost disappointed, but before Lena could determine what it meant, the voice went on.

"And what exactly determines a being's...importance?"

The Luthor shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine. As far as I know, it's a subjective matter," she finally turned to Supergirl, eye to eye, human to entity, "Every being is important to you - you're a god, you're objective, utilitarian. That's your duty," she shook her head, "But to humans, there are countless variables. A life can be traded for many things, abstract or material..."

She sighed, ran her fingers through her hair, "There are some days where I'm to be murdered for nothing, and there are some days where I'm to be murdered for billions - or maybe even a promise, empty or not. It depends on the person, their conscience, their pride. And a lot of the times, they can be wavered. But human decisions fluctuate. With the right words of course."

Supergirl looked as if she did not particularly like the answer with how her body tensed slightly.

Her spine straightened up farther, her shoulders broadened up more.

"And your survival thus far is an example of your persuasive and dissuasive abilities I presume?"

Lena shrugged, downed her entire drink into her mouth and relished in the burn, refusing to cough when her eyes watered with how powerful it was, "Some of the time."

Now Supergirl was a little intrigued, "And other times?"

"Close calls," Lena chuckled, though it was empty, "You usually end up saving me the last possible second. You've always had impeccable timing."

Her face morphed into a scowl at how familiar she sounded, and she reminded herself for perhaps the millionth time...

It's not her.

The next time Lena saw Supergirl was around three days later.

She watched the news on her television with a glass of tequila and an appalled expression as the heroine managed to save the hostages from a bank heist.

Six died in the crossfire. Ten others sustained injuries.

Once it hit near midnight, two hours after the event, she arrived.

Lena walked out onto the balcony, to achieve a clearer view of the goddess floating before her.

And for the first time since Supergirl transcended, she looked tired and worn out.

Not noticeably though, since the exhaustion only pulled her glowing eyes down by a measly fraction.

Supergirl hovered next to her now, and they resumed their routine of looking out to National City.

Lena, at this point, was a little bit frustrated with everything; with all the meaningless conversations, with her board members, with the world, with her.

Supergirl kept coming back, and from Lena's understanding, it was usually the rest of the super gang that had to chase after her.

And she did not know why Supergirl kept coming back.

A sharp intake of breath snapped Lena out of her thoughts, she took a sip then turned her head to the side, brows scrunched together in concern.

Then Supergirl sighed.

"I cannot deliver humanity from such evil - from themselves."

Lena scoffed inside her own head.

Tell me about it.

"Humanity does not deserve salvation. They are not worthy."

And then Lena froze, her muscles pulled taut, her spine stiffened, her grip on the glass was like iron.

"How can you say that?" she whispered harshly.

"They are foolish," Supergirl stated simply, and Lena did concur with that, "They continue to repeat mistakes after being told not to do so, after being proven wrong," she shook her head, "They are cruel to one another for the most trivial of things."

Again. Agreeable.

And then Supergirl said it again, rephrased.

"Humans are unworthy of deliverance."

Something inside Lena crumbled and she lashed out, mind addled with anger.

"Kara Zor-El, Kara Danvers...Kara wouldn't have said that, in any persona of hers. Ever," she reprimanded, "She's not her cousin; he believes humans need to be protected and saved 'cause we're feeble and fragile beings; he simplifies us into needy creatures and thinks of justice in black and white."

Lena turned her gaze back onto National City, and her voice wavered, "Kara believes humans, however light or dark, should have second chances - maybe even three 'cause she's too nice for her own good. She, more than most, understands the complexities of humanity and every other being - she sees everything in shades of gray because there's more to everyone."

Lena choked down a sob, but her voice still came out a little strangled and cracked, "And I know better than anyone else how awful we are, how unnecessarily cruel we are to each other, how war is waged over the pettiest things, how fear of the unknown drives us to make abhorrent decisions..."

Supergirl's lips parted, as if to speak, but no, Lena was not done yet.

"Trust me," she rebuked, and it was dripping with disapproval, "I didn't think humanity could be saved for the longest time, especially by some..." she gestured to Supergirl's figure, "...deity such as yourself. Then Kara showed up," and her voice broke again and this time it sounded pleading, "For her, it's about helping, about supporting, about encouraging others to grow, to teach them and to learn from them. To be better than who we were."

Once the speech of reproach was over, Lena's chest heaved with every furious breath she took, and her grip on her drink was so tight her knuckles whitened.

For the longest time, Lena did not receive a reply, and she was left waiting like a fool. Then she formulated a retort, she was quick, but not quick enough because Supergirl finally spoke.

The goddess echoed her words from before, remained firm in her stance, but the cadence in her voice had a mysteriously gentle lilt to it, "Humans do not deserve to be saved."

There was silence.

Then Supergirl connected their eyes, the divine glow so soft and sincere that Lena's breath hitched.

"But you do."

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