#'she feels so helpless... doesnt know anymore'

[sp-ud]

what a terrible time to realize your mom forgot to schedule you any more therapy appointments.

[raysteatime]

I'd like to share my theories for the last two episodes for season two of Helluva Boss.

I think Mastermind will be about Andreaphus' plan.

It sounds awful but i truly believe the succubus at the party actually kidnaps Stolas and takes him to Andreaphus' castle. He keeps him there so he cannot show up to the divorce hearing, as i think this courtroom will be where they announce the divorce.

Stolas doesnt show up which is bad for his image, seeing as he cannot defend himself. The sins decide to take a vote which unanimously is in favour of stripping Stolas of his powers and giving it to octavia, who can be exploited by Andreaphus, who wants the grimoire.

Sinsmas i think will be a complete battle between the sins and the Ars goetia, who are for or against whatever was decided in the courtroom.

Vissagio who can see the past and future might warn Blitz somehow that Stolas is being kept hostage. He uses the crystal to get into the palace where he sees the succubus guarding Stolas with the sword we see Blitz holding in the trailer. Blitz will feel guilty for letting Stolas go with him and he will have to kill him and take the sword.

The battle accumilates outside where they are targeted by Satan and Andreaphus, however defended by Ozzie and Vassagio. Stolas has no powers now so he is helpless and being shielded by Blitz, who has a sword which he doesn't know what it does (maybe its powerful against royalty?)

I feel like after the battle or somewhere in between it, Stolas tries to take Octavia home but as she's said before it doesnt feel like home anymore and she blames Stolas for ruining it. she stays with Stella and Andreaphus for now, not knowing the truth about them both.

Stolas is heartbroken and weak, Blitz takes him to his own house as now his home isn't safe anymore. whatever happens with Blitz' business will now determine what happens with Stolas, because i think Blitz is going to keep his word and hire Stolas, maybe in season 3?

Then Blitz has a whole other problem with being in close proximity to the one he loves but being careful around him and not rushing anything as he feels like a failure to Octavia.

And here is where Stolas will get his epiphany as to why Blitz felt used by him. when he realizes the difference in class as he has to learn to live as a commoner he will see the mis communications he caused Blitz.

(I'm dyslexic so sorry if I've butchered some of these names)

[headcanons-n-shit]

Hello

Your newest post reminded me i had an idea. The bois comforting wol who is having a nervous brakedown from all the stress. Bonus Ardbert.

I really like your stories. Especially the angsty ones.

(TAZ The Breakdown plays in the background)

(Mild shadowbringers spoilers)

Thancred literally (accidentally but still) disassociated so hard from the stress that he gave up his body to the bad guy for a bit. If anyone gets what youre going through, its probably going to be him. Hes not going to waste his time on empty platitudes: hes going to get you a glass of water, a warm blanket, and a hot meal, and let you cry it out on his shoulder for as long as you need to.

(And if that still doesnt help, well. Sex is still on the table. Its rarely a good idea, but hes all out of those.)

Urianger is probably breaking down with you lets be real. Every future my mans has ever read has included world-ending catastrophe, and, sure, youve thwarted it every time (usually with his help) but. What if this time you dont? What if this time you fail???? Its an unreasonable amount of stress for one man to be carrying. He probably does a fantastic amount of fantasy weed to cope and still all it takes is seeing you break down for him to also start blubber-crying.

Graha seems kind of detached and distant at first. "Shower water food" he commands you, in the voice of Lynas grandfather the Crystal Exarch, firm and uncompromising and impossible to disobey, and you might miss the way his voice and smile are strained. The way his hands clench and unclench at his sides. Hes never regretted turning back time to help you save two worlds, but. Its times like this that he wonders if he shouldnt try again to give you a happier ending.

Estinien is a firm hand on your shoulder, a steady shoulder to lean on, because he gets it. The feeling of being trapped in your own body, puppetted by powers so much greater than you can imagine, almost greater than you can comprehend... Youre breaking down for the both of you, honestly, because hes spent so long training the iron discipline to resist nidhoggs influence that he doesnt know how to anymore. This is. Cathartic. For the both of you tbh.

Aymeric wishes in this moment, more than anything, that he could just. Just be with you. Out on your journeys, giving you support by your side instead of from a distance. And he knows, he knows, that the support he gives you is important, that his ability to move nations in your favor has helped far more than any single sword at your side ever would. But he bears the weight of a nation while you bear the weight of a star, and that just. Doesnt seem fair to him.

Haurchefant knows that theres some things that hot chocolate cant fix but. Its a good starting place if nothing else. Something warm and sweet right now couldnt hurt, neither would a soft blanket and a roaring fire. He'll sit with you, bundled up together, and just listen if thats what you need. Or he can talk-- he has plenty of embarrassing stories about Artoirel that he hasnt shared yet. Either way, he'll happily help you wipe your tears away when youre done, and then drop a delicate kiss on your forehead.

Stand tall, he says. A smile better suits a hero.

Sidurgu is surprisingly good at this. Or, maybe not so surprising? Rielle is very mature for her age, but shes still a child. He probably does this whole song and dance every other week. And you feel a little bit like a child, the way he bullies you into the shower and then bundles you up in blankets and pushes food at you, but. Beneath the gruff words and scowl you can tell hes worried. Frustrated. This is exactly the kind of injustice that as a dark knight he swore he would fight, but hes just one man, there isnt much he can do about the desolation of the star. But he also needs you to know that he'll always be in your corner. Whether in this little way or if you need him to help you kill a god, he'll always come when you call.

BONUS

Ardbert has never felt so helpless in his life. He cant touch you, cant be a shoulder you can cry on. He cant even fetch you a glass of water. All he can do is stand there and watch as you break apart in your bed in the Pendants, and its. Its torture, worse than anything any ascian could ever conceive.

Still. He does what he can. And if all he can do is sit at your bedside, his hand hovering half-through yours in a mockery of touch while he tells you stories of his adventures, or friendship and triumph and happier times, well. Its the least he can do.

[paint-it-dead]

I googled the Belladonna of Sadness and: “To take revenge, she makes a pact with the Devil himself who appears as an erotic sprite and transforms her into a black-robed vision of madness and desire.” (Femto, the blessed king of longing) “The spirit visits Jeanne once again and rapes her in exchange for more riches“ (Gennon and Griffith) ”the baron offers to make Jeanne the second-highest noble in the land, but she refuses, saying she wishes to take over the entire world.” (Ok Miura HAD to have seen this, right? Wtf…Griffith…)

omg if you havent watched it check it out, check it out, check it out!!!!!

i think i read somewhere that Miura was inspired by it in writing Berserk? but i cant say that with full confidence...

but the parallels!!! the story goes even deeper than what you said! its been almost a year since ive watched it, so my memory of it is not 100%, but ill talk about what i can remember!

(spoilers ofc)

it contains incredible artwork and its set in pre-revolution France(remind you of another manga berserk was inspired by?) and it talks about a beautiful woman- The Most Beautiful Woman Alive!!!- who has just gotten married to the love of her life! but the marriage can only be made legal by the king/ the baron of the lands(an aristocrat of sorts i dont recall properly) who immediately as he sees her, takes her and rapes her. what should have been the happiest night of her life spent with her lover, is spent being defiled, helpless as she is to fight her fate; a poor powerless woman against the all powerful aristocrat. she becomes someone else; traumatised and desperate and her husband cannot look at her the same anymore. but amid all the grief regarding what was taken from her and how she was changed, arises a new emotion: rage. she wants power. she wants vengance. for every petal of hers that was wilted, she wants to birth a new thorn.

now if you're trying to draw parallels, ig this can be a perfect parallel with griffith getting tortured by the king. the helplessness and the toll of it all. the way how it affects his decision-making in the series.

but now as our beautiful woman is stuck in her bottomless desparate anguish, a new character appears before her: a small evil spectre! he looks her straight in the eyes and says. i am you. and you are me. give everything you have to me and i will grant you what you wish for: a chance to make things even. she is poor, she has nothing to give. so the spectre takes her body. defiles her the same way. and she is granted success. she is granted money. her husband and her reap the benefits of her new powers. now the aristocrat is feeling threatened by her status, tries to appease her-offers her lands and riches beyond a simple commoners imagination. but she, unbothered, responds:"money? lands? im not interested in something as small as that, beacuse im going to take over the world." appalled by her ambition, the aristocrat orders she be exiled as a witch, never to return. this whole time the spectre just grows bigger and bigger. stronger and stronger. the more she hates and gains and succeeds, the louder it roars. the more angry and resentful she becomes, the hungrier it grows. its goal: to break her strong spirit piece by piece, little by little. and when she is exiled and thoroughly broken, it reveals himself: he is actually the devil. he asks: what do you crave? he knows what she wants: power. she asks him to make her into a devil, into a wicked, ugly, wrathful woman who will strike fear into the hearts of anybody who crosses her. she doesnt want to be desirable anymore. her beauty was her cage, her curse. and thats what the specter does. transforms her into an all powerful demon.

but as she aweakens from the transformation, she notices that she has become lovlier, more desirable than she ever was before, an otherworldly, overwhelming type of beauty. she anguishes over this. asks for explanations. she wanted to be terrible, scary and full of rage and anger. to this, the devil responds: "who says that anger and rage cannot be beautiful?"

in berserk, this could be a parallel with the godhand offering griffith his option to sacrifice at his lowest point, and griffith's transformation into a devil -femto- and later into an otherworldly beauty - neo-griffith. there is nothing lovely or lovable left in him anymore, but he is the most lovely and beloved character by everyone in the show after his neo-griffith transformation. his power knows no equal and he strikes fear into the hearts of all who dare cross him. nothing will ever touch him again and nothing will ever be taken from him again, unless he wills it.

so she lives in exile, her otherworldly powers making her a diety of sorts, one people love and worship. one day, her husband, mad at himself and sick with love for her, goes to her to ask for her forgiveness. he couldn't save her when she needed him, and he couldn't protect her when she was taken from him, so all he does is ask for forgiveness. and amid her power-hungry, hatered spinning days of rage, she blooms with love for him, everything else thrown aside or forgotten. he was all she had ever wanted once after all. they fall into each other, one last time before tragedy strikes.

the aristocrat, terrified of her, her power, the support people gave her, orders for her to be burned at the stake. as the flames overwhelm her and she cries out one last time, the people witnessing the scene, cry out in uproar. they kill the king, avenge her and become a lingering flame in the calamitous fire of the french revolution. even though she is no longer there, she achieves exactly what she wanted- vengence against those who wronged her, and world domination, as the uproar from her tragedy, is what kickstarts the world to change.

now the whole parallels with griffith i made clear in italics, but there i dont think that thet is where the parallels with berserk end. there is another character, whose case could be argued, might have been inspired by this movie: casca. the unfortunate fate of the woman, the defilement and heartbreak she experiences because of conditions she cannot control, her story is drowning in them. i believe, if Miura was indeed inspired by this movie, that casca's story takes root in this unfortunate fate this character suffers through, but the only element present in casca's story is the heartbreak and pain, the rage and vengeance part is yet to be seen.

this movie seems to overlap both of these characters journeys, emotions and characterisations. if i have made a post about their alikeness before, this movie would be the main thesis for it. they switch roles and imagery within this "belladonna" character to the point where you cant make a case for one without mentioning the other. he becomes a demon, she becomes a witch. he falls in desperation, she falls into her lover's arms. he takes over the world, she gets burned at the stake. he gets the purpose, she gets the tragedy.

overall, berserk or not, belladonna of sadness is a beautiful story and 100% worth the watch. it contains some of my favourite lines of dialogue and scenes ive ever seen in animated media. its experimental and different, but man, isnt it captivating. WATCH IT!!!

[pumpkinsy0]

This is gonna sound silly but lately I’ve been feeling insecure about my height (5’2). As a result I’m gonna project buT: Genderbend Dallas and Curly and how they would handle being short.

its all good anon, aint nothin to b ashamed about!!!

dahlia

•she knows shes short but absolutely doesn’t let anyone think thats ever holding her back, she WILL break someones nose

•guys have the nerve to try and get close to her and tower over her put she just pushes em back so they dont think they can just do that

•her pet name of doll would prolly fit her more if she was short honestly, shes small like a doll, guys would use that line and she laughs and goes “oh really now?”, she thinks its a corny ass line

•she uses being short to her advantage when shes stealing, shes pretty easily hidden and has fast fingers, deadly combo actually

•she def uses other ppl as a shield when she wants to stay hidden, sometimes from the sun, other times for cops lookin for her

curly

•quick papercut insertage, but this means that ponys taller than curly, not by a lot, but still taller, and curlys kinda into it and doesnt let that hold her back from bein a flirt, what a FREAK

•she likes giving a certain look at pony and ponys flustered bc curlys lookin up at her, theyre so girlboss x girlfailure

•she also uses her being smaller than most to her advantage, like i said, sometimes she acts all helpless to trick ppl

•and she has no problem w being short, like yea at first maybe, but she grew to just accept it (literally no pun intended) and played into it, especially in fights bc that makes her harder to hit and a bit quicker

•angelo is damn near a whole foot taller than ber, but curly will jump on his back, also bc of their height, ppl dont even think theyre twins anymore, they just think curlys a year younger😭😭

[yuukei-yikes]

hibiya and takane at the end of the novels let me talk for a second😐😐😐😐😐😭😭😭😭ok erm novel spoilers duh

takane and hibiya werent at the lab with clearing and the rest bc they couldn't rly help (takane is doing shit as ene but if they took her body itd just be something the dan has to carry and as for hibiya in my sick twisted mind hibiyas thing is not ONLY cuz he cant help bc his powers take too much energy but its also bc the dan is trying to act like responsible older siblings and deciding hibiyas too young to be put in danger...sobsob. like it means a lot that hes the only one to survive aside from seto and mary. it's also funny how seto and mary are having an ugly crying party and hibiyas there like 😐) its a good team cuz ene can report back to the dan everything hibiya is seeing with his powers and hibiya can report to takane too *goes insane* its such a funny duo takane tasked as the worlds awfulest babysitter. you know in cartoons when the babysitter just ignores the kids and talks on the phone. hibiya and takane being teamed up together is literally that. except she goes inside the phone and all their friends are dying but thats a detail.

(also it hurts so much too bc of the whole haruka&konoha thing. the 2 characters most closely related to haruka and konoha being stuck together *my descend into madness is complete*)

i think their chapter together was interesting it made me poke my eyes out bc hibiya has to tell takane shintaro is dead and he's like OUGH...I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE TO TELL HER HER BEST FRIEND IS DEAD.. and then takane has a "weird" reaction, like basically doesnt break into tears or anything. and i know its because she had apparently discussed the possibility with shintaro previously (id kill to have read that convo. normal shintaka convo post reveal *shakes fist*) but the way she kind of tries to comfort hibiya in her own weird way and the whole thing being hibiyas pov its so clear she's trying to keep it together in front of him bc he's just a kid. and not only that but she says he reminds her of SHINTARO so she's like. ough ofc she acts like that. just by how she was as ene to shintaro she is being to hibiya rn to make him feel better. she knows she will die when she says goodbye to him after that as ene. IM GONNA PUKE

(she's... like so mature in her own stupid way. it rly hurts when in the following chapter when she's like on her way to die/just died she thinks abt how helpless she was and how she couldnt do anything even though she had just comforted hibiya and sacrificed herself for seto and marys sake. *bangs head against wall* TAKANEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)

anyways i had all those thoughts bc i was like so since in novel route takane dies as ene... is her physical body also swallowed by the daze?? or is it just her soul, and when she's in the daze later its a haruka situation and both of them only have their consciousness kinda walking around as opposed to everyone else who is there with physical bodies? if that happened then hibiya would just be left on the roof of a random building with a corpse.

either way F for hibiya bc its either he's alone with a corpse or he gets jumpscared by another dimension opening and eating up the body. i do think her body gets swallowed tho and she just looks like ene in the daze cuz thats what she looks like in her mind (she's only been back in her physical body for like a day before this so lol)

either way. hc time but like. i just imagine hibiya realising takane isnt Really sleeping anymore and she Really wont wake up and Wow she doesnt have a pulse and even if he doesn't know her well, he is a kid and she is the adult that was keeping him company. so he kind of loses his mind. i feel so bad for him, what happened to him after takane leaves him??? bc we dont see him again til the end.

like even if he was technically already alone on the roof cuz takane was away as ene anyway, he knew she'd come back. but now shes NOT WAKING UP. he's looking at all this happen, all the people he's met in the last 2 days are dying one by one, the hope to find hiyori seems more and more ridiculous as the hours go on, konoha has been taken over by something Bad and is doing Bad things to people, he doesnt know if momo will be safe, its the middle of the night and he's in a city he doesnt know and the person, the adult, THE FRIEND supposed to be with him is NOT WAKING UP!!! i just imagine this little guy sobbing on takanes body begging her to wake up because he doesnt know how to get back to the hideout from here!! he doesnt know where he is!!! hey!! wakeup!! dont leave me by myself what am i supposed to do!!! and screaming when the daze swallows the body and hes just left alone for real. lol. anyways hows everyone doing

[spinchip]

question a) is never the dark going to explode my fragile glass heart into a million little pieces? yes or yes question b) what are your headcanons for the prior established relationships zane has to the ninja before he gets zapped to the never realm in your version? I do mean this in the shipping sense like if he's dating any of them before he gets zapped, but i also just mean this in like, a general sense of what was his connection to each of them like in your mind? bc presumably that effects how they react to his disappearance and stuff throughout the story.

Answer a) yes AND yes. and then it will gently put it back together

answer b) under the readmore it got long

Polyninja is preestablished! When the fic starts there a 3 year time skip past Zanes 'death' and the loss of their partner leaves the relationship... rocky, to say the least. In a way they're only still technically together because they never officially broke up? They love and care for each other deeply still, but its just... not right without Zane. Kai spends most of his nights in his own bedroom alone instead of in the same bed as the others. In the same vein, Jay spends most nights awake playing video games or working on projects. To the boys, Zane represents Home, and with him gone the same things that used to make them feel peace/content feel empty.

To Kai, Zane is someone he can always rely on and knows he'll have his back. When he dies, Kai is consumed by guilt for failing to help him. To Jay, Zane is someone who he can bounce ideas off of and always get a new perspective, his presence makes jay feel strong. When he dies, Jay struggles to see anyone else's point of view and feels like the team is weak, and whats the point of fighting anymore? To Cole, Zane is someone he can talk to who seems to understand him on another level, and who pushes him to be better. When he dies, Cole feels unheard and complacent.

To Lloyd, Zane is a reminder to stay kind. When he dies, Lloyd doesnt turn into a jerk or anything, but the loss hardens him a little. he is less lenient, less willing to see the good in others, less likely to trust, and more reserved with his kindess.

To Nya, Zane is a sense of calm. Things feel more in control when hes there. when he dies, Nya finds herself more scared and anxious on missions. It triggers the feelings of loss and helplessness she felt when the ninja were presumed dead while they were in the first realm. Nya does, however, go the therapy and gets herself help so shes pretty well adjusted at this point.

To Pixal, Zane is the only person who truly understands her. They are Queerplatonic life partners. Despite how shes also gone to therapy and has moved on with her life (still samurai x but now shes dating skylor, has her own apartment, a new job withing the team, etc. etc) theres a part of pixal that feels like the world tilted on its side when Zane died, and it never quite righted itself again.

[lifeinthegladhouse]

the unfortunate news was given that my dad's chemo probably isn't working so he "might" have to do 30 day "isolation chemo" (?) which sounds horrible and scary. I want to visit him then if so... I don't want him to be alone for 30 days. I'm terrified he will be abusive to me.

when my mother died, she couldn't hurt me, even though I was terrified to see her. seeing her helpless body waste away from cancer was traumatizing but also released any fear I ever had of her, even though the memory of her abuse will always live in me.

my dad was not abusive like she was but sometimes i think he is worse for ever enabling her to be around me, ever choosing to "raise" a kid with her, comparatively, she had much less choice in her actions than he did.

i dont know what it means or if it will help. i didnt think these chemo rounds would help... i never thought my dad would get better... but hearing the advancing news doesn't help.

especially after watching someone's long term dying lead to hospice and then death and how irreverently it was handled, in this household (my partner's grandmother).

my dad will lose whatever hair he has left and im sure will look unrecognizable in a way.

whatever anger or apathy i have to combat my sense of obligation that shouldnt even really exist... i feel for him. im scared for him. i dont want him to suffer, and i dont know if it's worth going through.

i dont want to sway his decision, im positive he will die from this either way. i dont want to lose time with him, but ive already lost time. he's had 30 years to fix this and he hasnt...

i dont know if i can physically handle the grief of seeing him this way.

he always sounds livelier over the phone than he is, but... he didn't watch his parents die this way.

i will lose both of my parents to horrible forms of cancer (i mean, they're all horrible). at least Gene froze to death and it shocked everyone and he didn't suffer.

we've been iced in for a week here in p0rtland, and i got money back that i "owed" to unemployment when gene died. it felt like, after 3 years, he was helping me,... of all times to get the money back now... itll help me move out of my in laws... but a horrible thought happened... what if it's because my dad is going to go sooner than we thought?

i cant decide, anyways, and ocd is a bitch.

my back is killing me from days of making music and trying to learn mixing and mastering and animation and editing just for the fuck of it to stay sane, entirely diy.

today i cant focus, anymore... im listening to david bowie and crying alone and listening to my stupid in laws talking in the kitchen. i cant mourn here because this is a house of narcissism and enabling. hell, someone DIED in THEIR family and THEY wont/cant even mourn.

if my dad doesnt take the chemo, he will continue to failingly rely on his weekly (or more) blood transfusions. and eventually, he will die. maybe he will choose that to spare himself, and in a way, i almost wish he would, but i cant say i really wish that, ... i wish he was a better father, i wish he didnt have cancer even if he is 73, i dont wish him a sudden death bc itd be jarring but a long way is almost worse. i dont know what i want. i wish he couldve ever cared for me so that i could care for him. but what happened is he didnt care for me, and i care, but i cant care FOR him. i cant fix this. i cant love or unlove or hurt or unhurt it away.

when he dies i will not have any family left.

and then some part of me will be released from this burden of grieving a family that was always "dead" to me, but now, permanently, which will just feel fucked up.

ive spent 3 years grieving mom and gene. then i will grieve him too. when will it fucking end

in spite of this i have to work hard to perservere bc its what gene would want. its what my dad would want even tho fuck what he wants. its what *i* would want if i was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow myself or in 40 years. im terrified.

im tired.

im so goddamn tired

[heleizition]

EYE EMOJI. later cuz i was doing stuff. THEY ALL NEED HUGS. jesus fuck. eat the rich. eat them. also stan. just throw em in there. fucker. could use criminal syndicate if ya wanna? ALSO W HA T. does jo get wolf traits. whats the thing with the traumatic past of bf baby that jo feels guilty about? ...how do they die? >:3 evil face to hide the pain. do they get hugs. does Boi with cyborg jazz get helped? i forget names so quick i didnt open a second tab. howd he nearly die? do any of the others have enhancements? does jo get to kill the boss bastard?

criminal syndiate sounds right !!!! organises human experiments to get loyal soldiers <3

jo does get wolf traits ! she had the ears n tail nd also fur here and there . also teeth :) .

so stephan, (gaby's bf) was a guy who ended up in stan's grip. not exactly sure yet how it happened but he ended up there, ended up getting trained to kill and drugged to obey for years until one of his senior tried to help him and he got out. he ended up passed out in an alley beside where gabriel lived at the time and he took care of him through the drug withdrawal and realising he was now 20+ years old and had no idea how to be a normal person.

jo got betrayed and then digged into stan's past and actions while stephan was under his orders. she met him once and at first she didn't know abt the drug n stuff,,, once they met again stephan had no recollection of her and she jst felt helpless and like she had failed him,,, like she didnt know. and wouldn't be able to do much . but she feels like she could have gotten him out sooner with a proper support system (not that gabriel isn't good but hes only one guy who also has issues).

nathaniel was in a similar situation ! he and chronos lived w their parents when they were kids, and their parents, mainly their mom, was one of the head researcher for human modification and advancement (mostly for like. idk how you call this but to help with pain, handicaps, better human life yk, not to make WEAPONS). she knew too much n got killed,,, both boys hid in a closet at night when their parents heard intruders, saw their parents get executed, and when the killer got closer to the closet, nathaniel got out and acted like he was alone in here to spare chronos. he got knocked out and dragged out by the man and chronos (age like. 8 or 9 btw) jst sat there terrified and dissociating. at first he thought that nath was alive but everyone around him was so dismissive, trying not to get him too much hope, that he made himself believe his brother was dead.

nath was also under stan's control (who had that time was looking for test subjects in making . cyborg weapons) and was sent mostly to spy on jo and get leverage for stan (which ended up with kidnapping but im once again making things on the spot) until chronos got through him and the programming basically yayyyy

maria is also a cyborg, she lost her legs when she was a teen during an explosion. i had more hybrids but im not interest in most of them anymore EJESJOFJES who knows..................... maybe ill make more later.................;

jo DOES get to kill bastard man . but it doesnt mean they survive the deadly virus under the dome. the first itteration of this story had a character, basil, survive all of this and tell the story actually.

[just-my-type-x]

Colby actually went back and liked a lot of her posts on instagram that he hadnt liked until way after. Theres stuff of hers that i noticed when i started paying attention to all this and only Kat liked, or Sam and Kat, and days went by and nothing, nate would like it, maybe Brennen or Aryia, and nothing from him. Now i check and hes liked every post and he doesnt do that with every girl he necessarily follows, so who knows what hes up to but i would say hes not this helpless little boy in all of this. He obviously has to know that Kats random friend grew a platform in the thousands because of them and not because she shows talent in her lip synching tiktoks.Yes shes a little too much, too aggressive some might say, and annoying, and obviously using him and them because when not around him shes dead silent, but he definitely has not put his foot down or shown interest in setting boundaries or else she wouldnt take it as far or show up twice in his new home when she knows shes not wanted by one of the owners. Shes not exactly hiding anything anymore either. And before people say likes dont matter, in the world of social media where likes and unfollows get reported when done by huge celebs, yes they do. Its how people show disinterest or agreement now. All im trying to say is that while i dont particularly like her anymore and side eye her activity , he’s not doing much to stop it but instead adding on to it so i dont exactly feel bad for him in a way. He may delete stuff but then he’ll go and immediately like her stuff within seconds or minutes of posting too many times now for it to be coincidental and ive seen people keep track of this on twitter so there you go. And if they continue to let her tag along,and pay for her, and put her in videos, and allow her to post locations without consent , they’re all to blame for giving her content to continue to grow. Dont pet the snake if you dont want to get bit.

Oh yeah i know he doesn't do much, he probably likes everything that's going on because it's a constant focus on them. And if they all like this awkward situation, bc it's gotten awkward and cringe, then they're to blame. They act like some parents who don't keep track of their child yk 😂😂😂 again, not saying that about stas, just a way to put it out there

Also, he probably enjoys the situation bc, from what i saw, stas is close to the only one who hasn't gotten death threats from fans. So he doesn't mind adding fuel every once in a while. As for the likes, idk, I've always seen him like her pics, maybe not 2 or 3 or something, but they're liked

[cherri--blossom]

Suffocating - By Me

I want to die... but I can't.

I don't know what to do 

Or when I should rant.

Everyone has their own fucking things to deal with.

So why should I bother them with my secrets?

I feel like a bag is covering my face.

Suffocating me in its plastic embrace.

I cant handle it anymore.

I just want to rip my hair out and watch the 

strands fall to the floor.

All my parents do is scream and fight.

All my mother does is drink day and night.

I don't know how much longer i can keep getting through the day.

Everytime I wake up it feels like the world will end when I walk out to the living room. 

I'm so tired and exhausted.

I cant pick a side.

I cant tell what's a lie and what's a truth

What should I do?

Tell me what to do!

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

I get so angry at her

She doesnt think it's fair.

I yell at her and cry

But she doesn't seem to care.

I kick the wall and hit the tables

But it doesn't help my anger.

I get so mad but I don't want to hurt anyone.

The only thing I can do is direct my anger towards myself.

So I go into my room and close the door.

And cry and cry until the tears are no more.

I lay there in my bed 

helpless and numb

Wanting a way out

When will it end?

What did I do to deserve this hell?

Help me, save me, hold me.

I cant breath.

I want to be comforted but I don't want too cry infront of you.

I'm scared what you'll think about me if you know the truth.

I have these thoughts that I'm ashamed of.

And sometimes there too much for me.

I can't breath.

[bishiglomper]

Cannot sleeeeeep. Have to w h i i i i n e

Woke up to stabbies. Been getting these electrical stabs the last couple weeks. Figure its fibro. I dont see why it would be my new pill. But my body picks a spot and then it feels like im being STUNG. REPEATEDLY. Tonight its the opposite spot of my scar's location.

And i hear beeping. I think its bro's alarm. He does not wake up easily. If i tell him to turn it off, he will and go back to sleep.

And the nephew keeps turning on the hallway light.

And I'm obsessing over a niece issue.

Bong water has not been using a litterbox. They're upstairs, i think she just isn't going upstairs anymore.

Conversation with niece went like:

"I picked up 2 piles of poop from bong water last night."

"You can take her back to my apartment whenever you want"

"Are you going to be there?"

"Nope."

"If i bring a litterbox down, will you help me clean it?"

"I dont do the litterbox at MY house."

Bitch. You do not deserve a fucking cat. Or any pet. She killed her rats from neglect.

If i wasnt so against returning poor helpless furbabies to the shelter for insignificant reasons...........

But also we already have FOUR CATS. We were supposed to stop at Cinderbelle. But then Pantera, Pooka and Reno happened....

We cannot own another cat. It's already been a month. If the landlord notices... 😣 We've babysat other animals before but like i said its been a month. Niece doesnt seem to have plans for leaving either. I guess shes fine paying rent for an empty house and just sleeping on our couch forever. If we kick her out, she'll just couch surf. At least her boyfriend is in jail.....ffs

I barely have the executive function to clean MY cats litterboxes, and they're right outside my door. For just this purpose. I'm not gonna be able to do a downstairs one. I cannot tote the container of litter between flights. Just. No.

I dont think i can tell her friend (original owner of bw) to take her because she lives with a toxic af mother and i dont think the situation is safe.

SO, WHAT DO D:

Also the house is so bad. Made worse by now cat shit all over the place. But everyone is really struggling physically, and between the house and our own bodies, our mental health is fucked up too.

Moms stomach is fucked. She does not want to eat. She does. She resorts to junk food when she gets hungry but i cant complain because she wont let us feed her otherwise.

And sissy fucked up her back. I dont know what all shes doing for it but shes done muscle relaxants, back brace and tens unit occassionally. She refuses a heating pad for some reason.

Lately my symptoms are fibro shit, stomach pain, asthma, a strained/tired back, and tachycardia. The tachicardia is the worst because it kicks up when I get up. And eat. It settles down when i rest. Also the asthma. Just going up/down the stairs makes me do this dry throat clearing kind of cough for the next 10 minutes after the tiniest pinch of exertion. And I've woken up gasping a few nights.

Those two need to see some fuckin doctors. Mine can't do anything for me, but at least I jump through those fuckin hoops. I see everyone. All the specialists. I'm trying my best here. I have some major flaws that im sure frustrate the family, but this irritates me that they won't see people.

Mom especially. The only appointments she has are for literal surgical consults and she flaked on ONE situation already. Next one is for somethig else. No idea if she'll ever do anything about her previous issue she needs fixed 🙄😤

And also my sister is going blind and has high blood pressure but won't take her medicine. Her reasoning is because then she'll have to order more and go through setting it up and shit. Executive function issues i guess. Mom has been setting it up and giving it to her but i never remember and sometimes she forgets too.

Like do you know how many pills i take to have some semblance of function and not die? This is also frustrating to see.

I don't know what to do about any of this.

If we got rid of the cat, the niece would disown us. Which honestly, if she werent already riding a fine line of unsafe i wouldn't mind so much, she'd get over it eventually. Once she had the maturity to. 🙄 Because it's not like it would be out of spite. But sissy is on eggshells making sure we dont push her away. Probably into the arms of another halfway house resident. 😒

Uuuhhgggg

[mellowtrellow]

Visited my grandma today - the visit was a bit different from the past few times.

She was preparing me for her eventual death. She isn't terminally ill, just old and I don't know how to deal with such eventualities like this. It doesnt help that I have been having similar dreams, which make me feel incredibly sad, anxious and just helpless in the face of such inevitability as there is nothing I can do to possibly lengthen her life or render her immortal.

I know I'm supposed to treasure the time I have left with her, but I can't stop myself from simply feeling an immeasurable sense of sadness, denial and powerlessness with the reality of the limited time left. I couldn't stop myself from quietly crying (she can't see that well anymore even with glasses so she probably didn't notice) - even though she is still there and still alive.

How can I enjoy my time with her when I know there is only a very limited amount of time left with her?

She has left me with a precious gold pendant passed down through the family - it has an intricate carving of a dragon and a phoenix on it, both in mid flight and facing each other and told me that it was something of a memento.

I'm incredibly grateful I have it, and incredibly sad that I do.

[noxtivagus]

emotional over shadowbringers hours again yes

[yamken]

/

[pourover]

im ngl im super extremely fucking scared about the world ending on 4/18, so aka like, tomorrow. my fucking paranoid supstitious as fuck ocd ass is literally?? i 

ohhohhoohh my god let me just say. i am absolutely BUGGIN. i am literally gonna be losing my fucking shit all goddamn day tmrw i have no clue how to cope 

n like it does not help that this shit lines up fucking perfectly with the shit that freaks me out and fucks with my head the fucking most. it’d make so much fucking sense