#'the whole time i was crazy about her': ???? flunk

[icouldhyperfixatehim]

the het goggles come down like a fucking guillotine at the end of ocean waves huh? the whole movie is just "i was just a 90s gay boy in love with my best friend but more or less cool to just kind of box that up and enjoy our friendship, when a horrible girl moved to our school, he got a crush on her, and she made everything possible my problem while i just tried to stay courteous and decent and un-sucked-in to the soapy teen drama. my grades are worse than when i was 12 :(" i would like to independently fund an epilogue short where taku comes out in college and meets somebody nice lmao

[zoohouseart]

An idea of how Ed Edd n Eddy's cast may appear as adults. I wrote a bio for each one too.

Ed: Married May Kanker right out of high school, had 26 kids all named after monster movies (all of which he's VERY protective of). Spends a simple life working on tree-lifting and mine digging, bathes in gravy every night. Misses Edd and Eddy a whole, whole lot. Unfortunately doesn't see them often, since they moved further into the city while he stayed in the cul-de-sac.

Edd (Double D): Cleaned his act, got the girl, gained a master's in science and engineering, became a teacher, and yet STILL isn't happy or widely respected. Has yet to fully address his long standing anxiety of taking off his hat. Cannot let himself catch a break as he stresses daily about getting the bills paid. Wishes there was more to life than this ever-revolving door of monotony.

Eddy: Flunked out of college. Works as an errand boy for the mayor of Peach Creek and "oversees productivity". Secretly continues to feed his compulsions to scam and gamble at any chance he can get. Spends his every evening dreaming of the day where HE's the mayor, and scheming up ideas he'll never enact (unless..). Often complains that jawbreakers aren't as big as they used to be.

Nazz: Lives a bohemian life, praying someday her time to shine will glisten once more as an "influencer" but works retail in the meantime. Mooches off her fiancée Edd and tries to make up for it in emotional (and erm, well, physical) support. Is struggling with the idea that she peaked in high school, but will never admit it. Mockingly called "Double Z" by Eddy, though she doesn't mind.

Kevin: Is the mayor of Peach Creek. Won this view through pure charisma and good word as the football king of Peach Creek High and general "best at everything", but is often these days fumbling the ball on keeping the streets safe and clean. Is now friends with Eddy, or at least he likes to think so. Is sad he didn't make it into pro league, and will sulk about it when noone's looking.

Sarah: Took up the job of being a shrink (specifically in anger management), and a general town do-gooder. She's often, even if obnoxiously, asking to help others. Has really turned her life around from her loudmouthed, vicious childhood and make up for her past cruelties.. but has mostly done so just to repress her unbridled rage bubbling inside. Whatever you do, don't bring up Jimmy in front of her.

Jimmy: Sarah and Jimmy were conjoined to the hip practically forever, until the day his braces came off. Once he did, he got the call from Hollywood for his incredible acting chops, and ditched his BFF without a second thought. People often tour Peach Creek to see his hometown, much to the chagrin of everyone there. Is a real piece of work these days and could use a nice ass whooping.

Rolf: Grew to be a mighty farmer, creating a titanic cattle industry. Used his profits to buy a massive chunk of Peach Creek and turn it into "New Yergosluvia", so his old country family could live nearby. There he resides as it's king, and frequently feuds with old friend Kevin. Wears Victor's pelt in honor of his life-long servitude to a son of a shepherd (Victor passed peacefully in his sleep).

Johnny 2x4: MIA. As the Eds became more accepted, Johnny became the new misfit. One day, tragedy suddenly struck Plank in senior year of high school, and Johnny was never seen again. There's urban legends of crudely drawn faces appearing on the trees around the old cul-de-sac they grew up in. Ed swears he's seen one tree move. But that's crazy Ed for you. …Right?

May Kanker: Spends her days mostly exhausted from having to take care of 26 children, and hardly ever leaves the house. When she's not trying to drown out the kids with a cranked up TV, she's spending every other hour gossiping about occurrences across the city with her sisters.. though there's not a lot of time between that and cleaning up shit smeared on the walls.

Marie Kanker: Was expelled from Peach Creek High School for stalking Edd and threatening harm on Nazz. She now spends her days as a forum rat on doxxing related message boards, betwixt a day job of driving a garbage truck, where she mostly rides around town spying on people and scribbling down their whereabouts. She too spends all remaining hours gossiping with her sisters.

Lee Kanker: Was mid-planning on going to college and had her life all figured out to be a part of law enforcement until she was unexpectedly locked up for "illegal wood burning". She swears she was framed but has no idea who could've done it. She's usually calling her sisters, but occasionally talks with Eddy. She's not interested in him anymore; they just like to shoot the shit sometimes.

[jq37]

FH Junior Year Post-Season Thoughts

With another season of Fantasy High in the books and my recaps all finished, I wanted to do an overview of my thoughts on the season as a whole. Even though I feel generally positive about my experience with the season, there are a few things I think maybe could have been done differently narratively or mechanically. This isn't to criticize the way the season went down or to backseat DM/Play. More my combined ten years of college for textual analysis and storytelling bleeding through, haha. 

I first want to start with the things I thought worked really well.

Fantasy High has "High" right in its title but, in past seasons (and especially Sophomore Year), not as much time as you'd think was spent actually at school and even if it was spent at school, there wasn't much time spent in class or engaging with the realities of being a student. This season really dug into the academic consequences of skipping your classes all the time and the realities of needing to do a ton of extra stuff to try for a scholarship and I think that was a refreshing thing to highlight for a change. Being more scared at flunking out than the dragon that's trying to eat you feels very emotionally resonant. Real "High School Is Killing Me" vibes for anyone who's a fan of NPMD. 

Even though Fantasy High is a show that has some deep emotional beats and strong character arcs, it's first and foremost a comedy show. From the jump, everyone was generating bit after bit that had me cracking up as usual. "Little girly dog collar" is one of the funniest combinations of words I can think of. I think it was Siobhan who said that this was the goofy season and, having seen it, I'd have to agree with her. It never failed to make me laugh and it was always a highlight of my week.  The cast just has great table chemistry that I love to watch no matter what they're doing. 

Watching some of these high level combat encounters is as close as I'll get to understanding people watching sports. Even though combat is generally my least fave part of D&D, I think the cast really killed it this season with how cleverly they played and Brennan came up with some really great combat encounters. Special shout outs to Baron's Game and The Last Stand for their unique mechanics.  

This is going to be one that's on the other list as well because my feelings are mixed, but I genuinely do like the downtime mechanic and how it forces hard choices. I think it's an interesting way to connect a mechanic to the story and cultivate stressful atmosphere for the season.

I have problems with the execution but I love the Rat Grinders in concept. I think as early as season 1 I was hoping that we'd meet a party that was like the Bizarro Bad Kids and the idea of a party that's farming XP instead of going on crazy adventures is a strong concept. Likewise, I think a character that's jealous because of your "cool" (read: tragic) backstory is also a fun trait for an unhinged antagonist in this kind of setting.

This is me absolutely showing my bias but I adored the Abernant Sisters content this season. I dunno if Siobhan specifically asked Brennan to not put her on a bus with the other beloved NPCs or what but I'm so glad she stuck around and we got the development we did. It was almost entirely ancillary to the plot but there was this clear pattern of Aelwyn getting softer and sweeter towards Adaine over the course of the season, from the guarded, "Enjoy the nemesis ward," to, full I love you's and, "I'd take them to get you." It was way more focus than I expected considering that Aelwyn completed the bulk of her arc last season and a lot of the time, a redemption arc basically ends after the big gesture (in this case, Aelwyn taking a magic blast for Adaine in Sophomore Year). So the fact that we got to see all of these sweet moments of them reestablishing their relationship outside of do or die moments was such a pleasant surprise. Again, I fully admit I am extremely biased, but this was my top wishlist item and the season overdelivered so there's a baseline happy I'm always gonna be with Junior Year. 

OK, so moving on to things I things I think could have been tweaked.

Even though I liked the downtime system and the pressures it created, it also squeezed out the chance for more casual PC to NPC interactions that would usually be more common because they were semi-locked behind the relationship track and there wasn't an obvious benefit to roll for Relationships (as opposed to something like Academics which was crucial for not flunking out). Making the mechanical benefit more clear would have helped that (even if it meant Brennan didn't get his reveal--which he ended up just telling them anyway so might as well do it early). The other thing is that the consequence of a rage token was so bad that of course they spent all season avoiding getting one. Things might have gone differently if the consequences had been a bit more obscured, like in Neverafter. And it could have been a nice parallel to the Rat Grinders to take this unknown resource that makes things easier for you but is also having this negative effect. Then it could be like dang we did the same thing they did unknowingly. 

I mentioned this in my recap but I'll talk about it again. It is a little confusing to me that we did the Ankarna subplot right after we did the very similar Cassandra subplot. It took up so much time this season which I don't think is an issue in and of itself, it's just that we literally just went through some extremely similar beats last season. Why double up on this same storyline when there's so much new ground to cover? Or if we're going to raise a god, why not make it a different kind of god? One theory I had early on was that the Rat Grinders were trying to raise their own god to one-up the Bad Kids but instead of raising a chill, misunderstood Cass type, they accidentally raised a god who was erased for a good reason and got in over their heads. 

It's fun for there to be connections between seasons but sometimes it's like, OK that's a *lot* of coincidences. Like the god who your rivals is trying to raise *happens* to be the wife of your cleric's god and also *happens* to be the god of the fiend trapped in your friend's mom's chest and that fiend *happens* to be the relative on your bard's dad's side which is *also* the reason she is randomly cursed? That's a LOT of red string connecting plot points. As unhinged as Kipperlilly is about coveting Riz's backstory if I saw that go down I'd be like you have *got* to be kidding me.  

The mystery elements didn't feel like they clicked as well as they did in other seasons. I think that's partially because Porter's plan was so convoluted (seriously, I made another post about how haphazard his plan was) and had all these moving parts and we didn't get clear answers for a lot of mechanical things like how the rage crystals actually work and when they were implanted and stuff. You had stuff like Devil's Honey which I think is super cool as a thing that exists in the world but ended up being an element that just led the players down the wrong path and had a relatively small payoff (that Porter was using it to lie to Ankarna). I think it's plausible that a forgotten god would be willing to listen to anyone saying the right things without introducing this element. (As opposed to, for instance, Ambrosia which has a very clear connection to what's going on and is a solid clue that someone is flirting with aspirations of godhood.) 

The Porter reveal came so late in the season that even though it was a fun/challenging fight, there wasn't a lot of emotional weight behind killing him. It was basically just dunking on a teacher Fig has always hated who was also mean to Gorgug so screw him. Which, valid of course. But the Bad Kids were never going to react as strongly to Porter as they were to the Rat Grinders so putting Porter in the prime villain spot isn't necessarily what I would have done if I wanted the fight to be more than just a brawl--especially since we've done "School admin with student minions" already in S1. I don't mind the full circle callback but it would have been nice to pick something else for the sake of variety. We haven't had a child mastermind yet and I think Kipperlilly could have been a great candidate for that. My friend suggested that it would have been fun if Kipperlilly was trying to become a god instead of just being Porter's underling and I agree. "I'm not anyone's chosen one so I'll choose myself," is still within her established jealousy and Type A tendencies. If we want to keep Porter involved since that was Brennan's gift to Emily, maybe have it be that instead of Kipperlilly working for him, he's working for her. Like Artemis Fowl vibes! And the Rat Grinders can be varying levels of on board--from true believe to redeemable. I don't think Brennan planned for the Bad Kids to ever redeem her so might as well go full megalomaniacal mastermind with her and make her The Villain if she's not gonna be nuanced anyway. If My Little Pony can do it and send a literal child to Tartarus for pony treason (or whatever Cozy Glow did), Fantasy High can too. 

Continuing from the above, if we have the Porter fight in place of the Grix fight (a la Daybreak) and don't use Ankarna, that gives way more time for the Bad Kids to investigate the Rat Grinders throughout the season and it would mean that they would have their personalities developed a lot more. With the limited downtime, they Bad Kids didn't have a lot of time to spend on these kids who were just hating on them for no good reason (valid). But if you cleared their plate of the god hunt stuff, they'd have more time for this. And if they weren't all rage zombies to varying degrees, it would be easier to see them as characters. Besides Kipperlilly (and, funnily enough, Mary Ann) we don't really have a good read on what these kids are actually like. The little time we spent with them all season was kind of a wash if them breaking out of rage means their personalities got laundered too. Anyway, regardless of how their loyalties ended up shaking out, it would have been fun for them to be more than the minions that they were in canon. As funny as it is for them to just kinda be XP farming losers, they did have the potential to be more interesting in their own right if they weren't just Porter's minions. And again, we've done adults forcing or coercing children into being minions in Freshman and Sophomore Year already. Lemme see some self-created child maniacs! (Or, peer pressured child maniacs. That's cool too. The Lucy/Kipperlilly dynamic is way more interesting to me if it's like girl, I would take a bullet for you but I CANNOT walk this path with you any further in response to *I* will be a god and you can be *MY* champion.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts! Like I said, I have my points that I think could have been tightened, but overall an enjoyable season and I will be glued to my screen if they decide to close out with Senior Year! 

[lihhelsing]

Final Part - Catfish Steddie

You can also read it on Ao3!

When Steve walks into his apartment after a long shift at the coffee shop, it takes him almost a full five minutes to notice there’s someone else in there with him. 

He’s been so tired lately he probably wouldn’t have noticed if the person, a petite strawberry blonde, hadn’t cleared her throat while looking at him. 

“Uh. Hello?” 

Had he walked into the wrong apartment? He couldn’t remember using his key but he’s pretty sure he did. 

“Hi,” the girl smiles as she places a Vogue Magazine on the coffee table. Steve looks around and he knows this coffee table. He knows this apartament. He’s definitely in the right place. 

Still doesn’t explain the girl. 

“Who are you?” 

She laughs as if he’s being funny but once she understands he’s serious, her smile falters a little. 

“Chrissy. I’m Robin’s -“

“Girlfriend. Yeah. She’s not here.” 

Chrissy nods. “I know. I’m here for you.” 

Either she’s going to murder him or try to convince him to forgive Robin and Steve’s not sure which one is worse right now. 

“Then you wasted your time. You can go now. Or stay, I don’t care.” 

Chrissy clicks her tongue. “Robin did a shitty thing.” 

“Yeah. You don’t say.” 

“She’s not a bad person, though.” 

Steve shrugs. “It doesn’t matter, does it? She still hurt people.” 

She hurt me is what Steve means. He doesn’t say it out loud but he has the feeling Chrissy sees right through him. 

“I was so mad when she told me. It was such a fucked up thing to do.” 

Steve nods, doesn’t see the point in expanding this conversation. 

“Look,” Chrissy says eventually. “She’s not a bad person, she just… sometimes she gets obsessed with things and she doesn’t know when it’s too much. This was too much. It was crazy and hurtful. I thought about… breaking up. But I know her and I know this was just a mistake.” 

Steve doesn’t know why Chrissy is saying all those things to him. He shrugs. Maybe if he doesn’t engage she will leave him alone. 

“I know it’s not good enough. But she’s really sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“She would love a chance to try and fix things.” 

Steve shakes his head. “No thanks. I asked her to leave me alone.” 

"Robin's not the best at boundaries if you haven't noticed," Chrissy says and it honestly annoys the hell out of Steve. He's pretty aware of his roommate's problems. He had been looking for another place to live ever since his talk with Robin but it seems luck isn't on his side, at least not with the budget he has right now. 

"Oh, I noticed it alright," Steve replies dryly but that also doesn't seem to faze Chrissy. "Like I said, the best she can do right now is leave me alone and not send her girlfriend to, what? Guilt trip me into forgiving her? Not happening."

Chrissy seems a little ashamed at that, but Steve doesn't care. He doesn't! The people pleaser inside of him is definitely not cringing at himself right now. 

"Listen. She did send me here, but all she wants is another chance at fixing things. She knows she fucked up bad but like I said, Robin's not a bad person. She was pretty nervous when you two first talked about this and she thinks she can explain herself better. I know it sounds like bullshit but I told her I would try to convince you to go talk to her and if you said no, we both would respect your decision."

Steve is about to say no. He wants to say no. He wants Robin to suffer for messing with his life and Eddie's and for fucking up something that could've been so good. But Eddie's not really answering his calls right now, Steve is about to flunk one of his classes because he's been so stressed about the whole thing. He's been stressing about getting a new place too, and finding a roommate that's not a total psycho and also someone who won't potentially try to sell his organs on the internet. He definitely needs a place that he can afford and for a second he considers it. 

And then, he has an idea. 

"Ok, I'll go."

Chrissy's whole face lightens up. She must really care about Robin to react like that just by Steve agreeing to go talk to her. He's not going to forgive her, just hear her out one more time because honestly? It can't get worse than it already is. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. But I have one condition."

"Of course, anything," Chrissy says, nodding enthusiastically. 

"I'll go and I'll hear her out. If she's just bullshitting me again, I get the apartment."

Chrissy frowns at him. "The apartment?"

"Yeah. I don't intend on keeping living with her but it's hard to find a place half decent that I can afford. And I can afford this and it's a pretty good place. So she'll keep paying her half until I find someone new to share. Then she'll be gone from my life."

Steve crosses his arms. Either way, he's going to win. He's going to get what he wants, no matter what, even if that's still not Eddie. Steve's been making peace with the fact that he's not going to get Eddie, after all. 

Chrissy nods even though she doesn't seem sure. 

"Shouldn't you check with Robin about this? I can wait."

She bites her lower lip but shakes her head. "No, it's fine. It's a deal."

Steve doesn't know exactly what to think but maybe Chrissy and Robin should work on their communication. 

x

Chrissy waits as Steve gets ready. He honestly didn't feel like changing but she said he should take a shower and relax just a bit, so he wouldn't be all defensive when it was time to talk to Robin. 

Steve sighs but he ends up agreeing because a nice, hot shower sounds good. His shift was proper hell today and he was looking forward to relaxing a bit, maybe watching something or even calling Dustin to catch up. 

When he's ready, Chrissy announces she will be driving them and Steve shrugs but accepts  anyway. He expects her to take him to her place or something so when she stops at a weird-looking parking lot Steve thinks maybe Chrissy is the one about to sell his organs on the internet. 

"Go on," she nudges him softly and Steve raises an eyebrow. "C'mon, it's not that bad."

"I should've known looking for roommates on Craigslist would have consequences," he says as a joke. Mostly. 

Chrissy chuckles. "It's not that bad."

It is that bad and she knows it. From what Steve can gather they are outside a dive bar in all its glory. Steve is not opposed to dive bars in general, but this was definitely not how he expected his Friday night to go. 

"Fine, I'm going, but just so you know my parents will come for you if something happens to me." 

"Robin says you don't talk to your parents," Chrissy grins at Steve and he shrugs.

"It was worth a shot," and then he's out of the car and into the quiet cold night. 

The bar isn't as bad as Steve imagined, even if it's called Hellfire. Not a very inviting name but then again, it's absolutely packed and Steve is kind of shocked. There are old-looking guys who Steve would bet have come to this same bar every day for the last twenty years and then some twenty-somethings grouped everywhere, with cheap-ass beers in their hands and loud voices. 

What surprises Steve the most is how both groups seem to get along pretty well, as long as they stay on their side of the bar. 

Steve takes a look around trying to see Robin's mess of mousy-brown hair but she's nowhere to be found. For a second he thinks maybe Chrissy tricked him for some reason but when his eyes inspect the place once again he finds what he was looking for. 

And it's not Robin. 

Eddie is sitting in a booth in the far corner of the bar, with no one around him. Steve might not be the brightest person on earth but in that same second, he understands Eddie is there to meet him, for some reason. 

He clenches his hands closed and walks toward him, trying not to think too hard about seeing Eddie again, otherwise he feels like he'd puke. 

"Hey," Steve says as soon as he's close enough and Eddie rips his eyes from his bottle to look at Steve. There are too many feelings there for Steve to figure out so he nods to the empty seat in front of him. "Mind if I join you?"

Eddie shakes his head and Steve thinks he looks adorable. 

"Interesting choice of place," Steve says to try and make things less awkward. 

Eddie laughs and the sound is delicious and Steve feels like he's winning, somehow. 

"I work here," Eddie admits, but he has a secret smile on his lips as if he knows exactly why Steve said what he said. As if they are connected in a way Steve had never felt with anyone else. 

As if a minute had passed since the last time they talked and not weeks. 

"Good to know," Steve says and he thinks he's flirting even though he should be apologizing but Eddie doesn't seem mad that he's flirting because he's flirting back. Or so Steve hopes he is. 

"Robin said it was a safe choice," Eddie says and Steve can feel her name souring his mood a little. "Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned her."

Maybe Steve needs to get this over with. 

"It's ok. I just really needed to say I'm sorry again. I hate that you got caught up in something so awful and fucked up and I'm sorry I didn't try harder to explain myself and-"

"Stop."

Steve does because he's been rejected by Eddie once and he's afraid he's getting rejected again. He thinks - no, he knows - he wouldn't survive it. 

"Robin might've ambushed me at work and forced me to listen to her explanations and her weird apology."

Steve clicks his tongue. He rests one of his hands on top of the table and feels the pull towards Eddie. If this was any other date he would reach out and grab his hand but he's not even sure this is a date. 

"I'm sorry for that too. Chrissy told me she has a hard time understanding boundaries."

Eddie shrugs as if it doesn't matter. "Yeah, well. That was clear from the start."

At that, they both laugh and it feels so right it hurts. Steve had accepted the fact that he wouldn't get this, not with Eddie, and now. 

Now he might. 

"I'm really sorry, Eddie," Steve's not looking at him when he says it but then he feels a warm, calloused hand on his and he looks up. Eddie is smiling softly at him as if they were all alone in the whole world. 

"You don't need to apologize. Robin explained everything and she said you had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry my insecurities got the best of me. I should've let you explain yourself. I should've believed you."

Eddie's hand feels good around his and Steve moves until their fingers are intertwined. Eddie has a couple of tattoos on his fingers which contrast with Steve's blank ones in a way that feels absolutely right. 

"I'm still sorry. I hate that you got caught up in this," Steve answers easily. 

"Me too," Eddie says. His thumb starts drawing circles on Steve's hand. "But in a fucked up way it brought me to you, here. So maybe I don't hate it all that much."

Steve smiles. He doesn't hate it either. 

x

Talking to Eddie is as easy as the first day and Steve feels amazed by it. 

They keep their hands securely clasped together as they sip their beers and talk about everything. Steve tells Eddie about his talk with Robin right after he left and how angry and upset he was. Eddie tells him about his talk with Robin and how… Numb he felt. 

He explains he spent so much time thinking he had Steve all figured out that it was really hard for him to see he didn't. To see Steve was telling the truth and to see Steve, for some weird reason, really wanted Eddie. 

Steve feels his cheeks burning hot at that and his skin tingles in the places it meets Eddie's. 

After an hour they drift off to other subjects as if this is nothing more than a typical Friday night date for them. As if they are just picking up right where they left off. 

It's almost 3 in the morning when a shorter guy with curly hair approaches their table and announces it's the last round - and it's on the house. 

"Thanks, Gareth," Eddie says but he doesn't make eye contact with the guy. And the guy actually looks like he's glaring at Steve. 

Steve furrows his brows and Eddie squeezes his hand softly.

"It's complicated, he's just like, overprotective. I'll tell you all about it later."

Later. 

It gives Steve hope. 

x

Later looks like the empty alley behind the bar at almost 4 am. 

Not for any Gareth stuff, but for… Other stuff. 

Steve lets Eddie push him up against the wall and kiss him like the world is ending. 

Steve kisses him right back as if they could fix the world with it. 

Eddie feels warm and soft pressed against him and Steve can't contain the small sounds leaving his mouth. Eddie swallows every single one of them, hands finding their way underneath Steve's polo shirt.

Skin touching skin as Eddie's fingers explore him, squeezing and moving around, drawing circles that drive Steve crazy because he wants more. He wants more and more. Eddie lets his fingers brush on Steve's nipple and he can't help but moan, even if they are still in public. 

"Come home with me," Steve pleads, face buried in Eddie's neck as he drowns in his scent. Eddie smells warm and sweet and so good Steve wants to stay there forever. "Please, baby. Come home with me."

Eddie nods against his skin as his mouth nips at whatever he can find and Steve thinks he can come undone right here if Eddie keeps that up. He doesn't want to stop but he does it anyway because he also wants to take his time. 

He and Eddie never rushed into anything and they are not rushing into this. Eddie smiles that gorgeous smile of his and Steve feels like he could die right now and he would still be the happiest guy on earth. 

"Lead the way," Eddie whispers and Steve does, pulling him away from the wall before it's too late and he loses all his strength. He keeps their hands wrapped up together because he knows that's how it's supposed to be. 

He brings Eddie home again, and that tonight they take their time with each other. They talk and laugh and kiss and smile. They take pieces of clothing off and they spread their fingers everywhere. They touch and squeeze and scratch. 

They take each other apart knowing they won't ever be apart again. It's a silent promise in between kisses and laughter. It's a spoken promise when they are all sweaty and tangled up in each other, hands still clasped together, with no space in between their bodies. 

Eddie kisses him again and again and again and Steve feels like he's floating. 

Steve kisses him again and again and again and he hopes he gets to do it forever. 

x

They wake up to a buzzing sound that tells Steve someone is there but when he opens the door there's only this big breakfast basket. He doesn't need to open the note to know it comes from Robin (and Chrissy, he finds out later). 

There are all kinds of foods and a fancy sparkling wine that Eddie immediately opens and pours a glass saying you can only fight a hangover drinking more and Steve wants to drop everything and lock Eddie in his room with just the wine. 

There's also a key Steve recognizes as their front door key. He hums as he looks at it and Eddie pushes the wine in his hand as he grabs a piece of bread from the basket. 

"Are you going to forgive her, you think?"

His question isn't loaded with anything other than curiosity. Steve gets the feeling Eddie wouldn't judge him either way and still, he doesn't know the answer. He shrugs and feels Eddie hugging him from behind. 

"That's ok. There's no right answer here," Eddie says, placing kisses on his shoulder and neck as if he's chasing every single one of Steve's moles. Maybe he is. 

"I don't really know what to do," Steve admits it out loud. Eddie's hand feels so solid around his waist and he feels grounded for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever. 

"Her professor is getting his license revoked," Eddie says and Steve feels a strange satisfaction at that. "She's getting suspended and is probably going to lose the whole semester."

Steve doesn't know if it's too much or not enough. There are too many feelings inside his chest right now. 

"I'm just saying. It's not only up to you to punish her. And you should, you know. Punish her. However you want. Just don't punish yourself in the process, ok?"

Steve's not sure what this means but he knows he's going to figure it out. Robin already gave up the apartment and she's getting held back in school, and Eddie is here and maybe Steve believes nothing else matters right now. 

"You're too smart for your own good," Steve says as he turns in Eddie's arms and finds his mouth so he can kiss him again. 

He tastes like sparks flying and Steve kisses him like he could love him. 

Eddie kisses him back as if he already loves him. 

For now, it feels like enough. 

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[night-dark-woods]

ID1. Mostly uncolored digital sketches with notes on a gray canvas of some Destiny 2 OCs. Fuller is a scrawny pale human warlock with white hair and green eyes, holding her ghost out and talking excitedly looking back over her shoulder. There is Hive architecture behind her, and her armor is labeled "Dreambane robe but she cut the ruff off for sensory reasons."

Fuller: "Cel says this would be a great spot to connect to the Ascendant Realm, Toland was here & didn't shut the door behind him all the way and if you'd stop being such a coward and let me hook Cel up to your implants we could learn so much you're just fucking wasting them."

Celadon, in the Eris Morn shell, nods in agreement.

Hapax, an Awoken hunter with orange eyes, multiple piercings, and a shaved head, glares at her. A note next to her says, "Finger on the button for Fuller's shock collar, picturing her writhing in agony. Non-sexually. Of course."

A mark next to her top lip is labeled, "Scab on lip from last time they fucked. Fuller doesn't even have fangs."

Her ghost Schiller, in the Starlight shell, hovers next to her, and is labeled, "Quite over this whole situation."

ID 2. screenshotted tumblr post (link) that reads:

user gidianthe: i love it when a piece of media has two women with problems that would just be solved if they had crazy gay sex with each other user avoicefromthestars: #i love it when a piece of media has two women with problems that would be made worse if they had crazy gay sex with each other also

End ID.

More info abt them under the cut.

Fuller: Named for the groove down the blade of a sword that removes weight to make it easier to wield. Underfed, undersocialized, and unhealthily and concerningly obsessed with how the Sword Logic and the Ascendant Realm interact. Top of Aunor's shit list of "Guardians I may need to kill at a moment's notice." Fuller is annoying enough about all of this that Toland avoids her- tenured research professor who would rather kill himself than teach an undergrad class type vibes. He wants to pontificate to a captive audience. He does not want to hear Fuller's latest data on exactly how many joules of energy a thrall can produce depending on how recently it has killed something. Fuller isn't interested in the Sword Logic as philosophy, she wants to pick apart and quantify exactly how that philosophy is somehow made real. And unfortunately for everyone around her she is not particularly interested in piddling matters like Ethics or Safety.

Celadon: Fuller's ghost. Named for the pottery color. Fuller's delighted and willing co-conspirator. Co-author on her papers. (Unpublished. But there's a lot of them. That "who should I email if I have theories I tried a college and they ignored me" reddit post.)

Hapax: Named by her ghost for hapax legomenon, the term for a word that only appears once in a text, body of work, or language. Corsair before & after resurrection, working w/ a different unit once Risen for everyone's comfort. Loyal to the people of the Reef, Petra, and Mara, in that order. Flunked out of Techeun training in her first life and still has the implants, which are her best trait in Fuller's eyes. Stuck on babysitting-slash-potential-assassination duty with Fuller in the Hellmouth as a diplomatic favor from Mara to Ikora. Got the shock collar from Aunor (Ikora does not know about this nor would she approve) after Fuller tried to fuck around with her Techeun implants while she was sleeping. Ambivalent hatred for Fuller at first, but now she's a little entranced and a lot attracted to the little freak.

Schiller: Hapax's ghost. Named for the specific kind of lustre that stones like labradorite have. Long-time resident of the Dreaming City long before she raised Hapax, very interested in the history of it. Regards Celadon with disdain for her lack of ethical research practices. Has given up trying to stop Hapax and Fuller from fucking, but makes her opinion on it known.

[magpies4nights]

GUYS DONT PRESS P ON THE TITLE SCREEN WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE (Dev log #15)

AT LAST, SUMMER IS HERE!!!!! I am so excited I can finally rest I- oh right. Summer classes. Sigh. Well, they don’t take up the whole day thank god and I don’t need to be there, but It’s still not exciting. Oh well. Maybe I’ll play the sims 4 again and check on how my poor little torture victims are doing/j Jk jk, I don’t torture my sims. Unless you consider naming them things probably EA wouldn't approve of, then yeah I guess I am a horrible person.

But yeah, on the week I released the demo (which by the way, thanks for the 58 views!!!! thas crazy) I was putting up with finals. Some of my classes had to be pushed to the next week, and that was INFURIATING. It was kinda agony because I just wanted everything to be done and over with and I was practically exhausted. Like sleeping at 7 pm exhausted. Yeah......Well, should I even talk about how my life is going? I flunked the review for my major. Thank god, honestly. I mean, I didn't do it on purpose, and I am sad in a way that I flunked it, but I didn't want to continue on the route I was going on. I feel kinda stupid for even trying but I guess it's ok to make mistakes in your early 20's rather than your 30's... for some reason.

Ok, dev time. I decided to take a break from making sprites for a bit. So I worked on a part of the game that I would have left a secret, but I think it’s quite funky hehehe

I like old computers. I would have replicated the windows XP thing because I have so many memories of it, but I'm scared Windows might snipe me or something. I once was lying on the couch my parents turned into a bed (I think I was sick at the time), and it was late at night, and the computer was shutting down (it played this sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb2jGy76v0Y) and for some reason the noise absolutely scared the absolute living shit out of me (I think I was like 4-5 years old and I was terrified of bassy sounds). I do not remember ever having any positive relationships with computers before I turned 6 lol. I’m pretty sure I used to think I could live without them. Oh you poor bastard. If you saw me now not only would you not understand a single word I’m saying, you would be incredibly disappointed with how dependent I am on computers. I think once I'm done with that I'll try to fix whatever is going on outside scene, because that's the only scene that causes the game to crash. I'm pretty sure it's because there's too many objects, because when I turned off the animations and the visibility it still took forever to load (like, nearly 2 seconds. The scene takes 4 seconds to load, and normally a scene would take me less than a second to load). soooo, uh yeah, I'm trying to find an occlusion culling equivalent to solve this because that's a 3d game thing, and this is a 2d game lol. I'm thinking of turning off visibility for when they're outside the viewing frustrum (player's line of sight, or more like rectangle) because it cuts down half the time for when the scene loads. If nothing works I guess it's just deleting and re-adding the child back into the scene every time the camera is on them... sigh. If it ticks me off too much I'll probably return to doing sprites because there's still a lot to do lol.

Well.... I so far got no other ideas for references in this game, so I guess I'll put in the inspiration of the outro (which is the Portal outro)

(not my video)

I know, I know. Cheesy. BUT instead of it being in the antagonist's view, it's the protagonist's view instead. I tried singing for the song, but every time I do I make Jojo Siwa sound like a professional vocalist (I don't even know why she still sings. Didn't she bust one of her vocal chords already? Or is that a rumor? Either way that's already gotta be a sign that you probably shouldn't continue on the route you're on.) I literally had 5 attempts on my computer and they all sound horrible. I'm not going to put them on the internet for my sake and your sake too. So yeah, no vocals. But the lyrics will still be there. They won't have the typing effect though.

I once had a strange dream that I was looking through the itch.io comments and someone kept spamming about how they headcannoned Xandra to be a trans man and were like honestly I don't know how my brain combined those several factors together but I find that funny.

yes its the caseoh meme. no i will not apologize

[fuzzydreamin]

What Pet/s I Think The Fo4 Companions Would Have

(Consider this a modern AU situation I guess, so they have access to all of these animals and their proper care).

Ada: Had a lot of trouble deciding what kind of pet/s she wanted. Exposed herself and learnt about all sorts of animals, hoping one would stick out to her but they all seemed so cool and neat. She eventually settled on keeping bugs and insects of all kinds. She often keeps their wings and exoskeletons and even taxidermies them if they are in good nick post-mortem. 

Cait: A rabbit. It’s really hyper and either wants its space and will nip you to leave it alone, or will circle and hop and stomp to get your attention so that you pet it and keep petting it until the bunny is done with you and not the other way around. 

Codsworth: Some type of small, fancy dog. It’s show quality and very well trained. 

Curie: Mice! Multiple cages of them, seperated by sex and age and all sorts, just like a whole wall taken up by cages and stuff for their care. Yes they are lab mice and she runs tests on them but she is humane and she names them and plays with them and gives them loads of treats. 

Danse: Failed K-9 unit. Just a good fluffy boi. He takes it on his morning runs and to play in the park every day. It may have flunked out but it still had quite a bit of training, and still alerts to Hancock when he’s around. 

Deacon: Two or three very highly trained rats. 

John Hancock: A sphynx cat of course. Yes it has a whole wardrobe for itself. Hancock does matching outfits and costumes with it. 

Nick Valentine: An old dog he rescued from a shelter. He specifically wanted an older dog to give them a chance at a comfortable home at the end of their life, and he doesn’t need to worry so much about his work keeping him from being able to walk the old guy all the time since it doesn’t need it. He gets to scritch its head infront of the fire while he goes over cases. 

Old Longfellow: A bully breed dog. It’s a chubby lapdog that toddles after him wherever he goes and he feeds it a lot of fish, which it loves. 

Piper Wright: A grouchy old cat that she doesn’t seem to get along with. Honestly it’s more Nat’s pet than hers. It just walked in all scraggly from the street one day and they fed it and now it lives with them. She bad talks it all the time but she loves it and will give it treats and try to get it to play with toys even though it doesn’t seem to want to. 

Porter Gage: Several snakes and lizards of all kinds. Particularly fond of his iguana and large boa. 

Preston Garvey: A dove/pigeon. He found it injured outside and took it in to get it fixed up, found out they make fantastic pets and kept it. It's very social to people and coos along when he hums. 

RJ MacCready: Recently got a puppy for Duncan, hasn’t owned a pet before and is tripping over himself learning about care and training and how to potty train it. Thinks he should have gone with a couple of guinea pigs instead, but it’s too late now, Duncan loves his dog. 

Strong: Doesn’t own a pet himself but is carefully exposed to other peoples pets. He enjoys livestock / larger animals. Thinks the best pet would be the kind you could eat if you needed / wanted to. 

X6-88: Multiple cats. He is the crazy cat goth. They just get him, okay. He has some sort of foster deal with a shelter, where he gets the excess cats they can’t fit. They all have stupid names because he doesn’t change what the shelter staff called them, so he has cats like ‘Mr Tiggles’ and ‘Isaac Mewton’ wandering around. 

[worksinprogress1]

The bus was only going to my hometown, but to me, it may as well have been headed to a hard, cold cell. How was I going to tell everyone what I’d done?

“Something wrong?” came a woman’s voice. Dark as it was and with my head full of thoughts, I hadn’t noticed her approaching the bus stop. It was the purple-haired woman I’d seen sometimes at my gym. I’d wanted to get one last workout done before I left Veilstone, and I was also hoping that if I came back late enough, my mom would be asleep by the time I made it.

“You could say that,” I replied.

She took a long drag on her cigarette and regarded me with piercing eyes. “Feel like telling a stranger about it?” she asked, almost sympathetically.

I took a deep breath. I wasn’t likely to live in this city again anytime soon, so why not?

“I flunked out of college,” I said bitterly. “I know that sounds like it’s not much to be upset about, but… I really like Veilstone, and living on my own, and all my new friends are here, and all my high school friends have moved out of Sandgem, and…” I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “And it’s gonna break my mom’s heart. She’ll think I’m a failure, and she’ll never let me forget it. Living with her is gonna be Hell.”

“Hm,” the mysterious woman said. “Y’know, I might have something that could help you. Galactic Corps is looking for temp workers. It’s six months. You wouldn’t have to apply or anything, you just get the job. It would give you an excuse to hang around Veilstone for a little longer. And who knows? Maybe it’ll lead you to bigger things.”

The bus pulled up beside me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the woman even as the others headed for Sandgem began to line up and get on the bus. She pulled out a business card with a golden “G” logo and a phone number on it. I took it, thanked her, gathered my bags, rushed onboard the bus, and took one of the last available seats.

It took a minute for the opportunity I’d been given to sink in. It seemed way too good to be true. I opened up my pokétch to do a smidge of research. Galactic Corps was an energy company, and it did indeed have a lot of six-month temp positions open- and they paid a lot considering the menial stuff they’d have us do. This was amazing. Once I got home, I wouldn’t be telling my mom that I flunked out. I’d be telling her that an amazing job opportunity came my way, and I was going to take a semester off to do the whole six months of it. That was plenty of time to get off academic probation or find another path in life, and so my mom would never have to know how I partied my last opportunity away.

-

My mom was excited when she heard about the job. She was fine with me missing the Fall semester for it and helped me to find an apartment in Veilstone to stay in since I couldn’t live in the school dorms if I wasn’t in school. The apartment was pretty empty since I didn’t have a lot of furniture to put in it, but hey, that would come in time.

“There you go, Evie. Home sweet home,” I said, putting down my middle-aged eevee once I’d unpacked. She looked around like she was appraising the place, then skittered over for her pet bed and curled up, head on fluffy tail. I sat down next to her on the floor and stroked her. “Yeah, this is gonna be a nice place for us, isn’t it? No roommates to keep you up at night, or to trash the place and leave us to clean up… it’ll be great.” In a crazy way, it felt almost like I was more mature than the guys who were still living in dorms.

My first day at Galactic Corps was unusual but not concerning. I met up at its entrance with about twenty other temp workers, mostly people my age with some teenagers and late twenties mixed in. A few of them were from out of town and were talking about the weirdly-placed spikes on the building or staring at the secretary through the glass door and asking why she was in some space-age costume, but as a Veilstone resident, I was used to that. I didn’t know that this building was Galactic Corps, but I did know that we had a weird spiked building looming over us, and I’d seen the weird little space dudes running around on occasion. Never thought I’d end up working here, but hey, it was a job.

At 8 AM, The secretary unlocked the door for us and told us that the person responsible for training us was out sick that day, and showed us to the cleaning supplies.

“Think of it as a way to get to know the place, find out where everything is,” she said. “Try to make yourselves useful as you do it.” With that, we took the supplies and scattered. I took a broom.

I’d never thought of what an energy company’s headquarters would be like, but this wasn’t what I expected. Even rooms that seemed to have no unusual purpose- just their weird little space dudes (and girls, there were girls, too) tapping away at computers and whatnot- made me feel like I was in some sort of space vessel, with those metal automatic doors that opened and closed like mouths swallowing us up. A lot of the doors wouldn’t open. I counted six locked doors in the chemistry department, ten in the biology department, and four in engineering before I ended up in a hallway leading to a dead end. While I was sweeping it, a permanent worker carrying a box walked past me with a sense of purpose, like she was heading somewhere. She stepped on a weird circular tile at the end of the hallway, and seemed to disappear into thin air like an abra teleporting. Driven by unthinking curiosity, I dropped my broom and stepped on the strange tile, too.

My whole body seemed to tingle, and the ground shook beneath my feet. Then, a second later, I was in some sort of break room. Two space dudes were sitting at a table, chatting and playing cards. For a moment, I was too stunned to do much of anything. The female space dude walked past them and left through a door.

I didn’t know anything except that I didn’t know where I was, so I stepped off the orange tile and stepped back on, hoping for a ride back, but nothing happened. “Uh, a little help here?” I asked the workers.

Suddenly, two pairs of eyes were on me, and one of them looked angry. “You’re not supposed to be here. This section is for grunts only,” the shorter space dude snapped, springing up. “Did you steal someone’s keycard or something?”

“Cool it,” the taller space dude said to him, getting up. “Keycards let the teleportation panels open, but they stay open for a few seconds after.” He held his keycard over the panel, making it light up. Then he looked to me. “You just wandered in here because you were curious, right?”

“Uh, yeah…?” I said.

He chuckled. “Don’t worry, we’ll deal with that. Why don’t I meet you down at the lobby at quitting time so we can go out together?”

“Sure,” I said. It didn’t seem like a good idea to say no to someone who knew I’d fucked up.

“Sounds good. I’m Titan A-3, by the way,” he said, gently pushing me to face the other way and step onto the teleporter. A second later, I was back in the empty hallway.

As he asked, I showed up to the lobby after I got off work, and Titan came to get me a few minutes after that. He told me to follow him, and he took me through a keycard-requiring door and a couple portals.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay since you’re with me,” he assured me.

One more portal, and I was in a room full of bunk beds, many of which were occupied by… well, I guess they call themselves grunts, like Team Rocket grunts in TV shows.

“Who wants to go out to the Crafty Flask?” Titan asked. Several grunts dropped what they were doing to join him. Some of them were raising their hands like kids in a classroom. Two even had temp workers with them, so some had clearly known the plan beforehand.

“Meet us outside in ten minutes,” Titan said, turning on his heel, “If you’re late, you’re left.”

Once I got to the lobby, the grunts had shed their uniforms and some of them had shed their weird hair. As we walked to the bar, there were a lot of whispered conversations between grunts. They seemed to be having a good time, giggling away and all that, but they also seemed to be hiding their conversations with me. I looked for the other temp workers, but it looked like the two of them were planning to hook up. So I went to the front of the pack with Titan.

With a whole bunch of them, Titan stuck out even more. He was fit, he was confident, and he had an air of admirability to him that the other grunts just didn’t.

“So, you guys live in the headquarters?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Titan answered. “You take a cut in pay once you become a grunt, but since you get room and board and don’t have to worry about bills and whatnot, all your money is fun money, so it kind of evens out. And you get to be with your favourite people all the time. It’s great.”

“Yeah, sounds nice,” I said, thinking about how I still had to figure out where to pay my bills and utilities for the new apartment, and figure how much money I should spend furnishing the place. I had a lot of adulting-type stuff to figure out in a hurry.

Once we got within a couple blocks of the bar, Titan turned back to the others.

“Alright, you guys know the drill. Low ranks pull back so the rest of us don’t look like weirdos,” he said to the crowd. Then he turned to me. “You can come with us, newbie,” he said. The grunts without the weird hair kept walking as the ones with it stayed behind, and soon we were at the bar.

“I am so glad I got to A rank,” one of the male grunts said as soon as we were seated. “Pulling non-Galactic girls is impossible when you have to wear your freak flag wherever you go.”

The female grunt next to him playfully punched him. “And what exactly is the point of fucking outside people again?” She said the word ‘outside’ like it was some kind of slur.

“Variety!” he shot back. “And thrill of the chase. You Galactic girls are too easy.”

“Wait,” I cut in, “Are lower ranks not allowed to take off the bowlcuts, or…?”

“Yeah, basically,” Titan explained. “Only the higher ranks are allowed to go back to being normal people at the end of the day because we’ve proven ourselves loyal. For the rest of them, well, it’s their actual hair. But you climb the ranks pretty quick if you’re halfway competent.”

I nodded.

“And for the record? He wasn’t lying about Galactic girls being easy. You know how I offered the bar and a bunch of people sprung up? Well, the same works for, say, a game of Scrabble, someone to watch the game with, and yeah, sex. Have you seen the ‘Make sure the bed is unoccupied before getting in’ sign in the-”

My eyes had been getting wider and wider until he’d mentioned that sign and taken me out of it. “Oh my God, that’s what that’s for!?” I’d seen that sign in the Team Galactic nap room, and I’d thought the same dirty thoughts anyone would, but I hadn’t thought I was right about it.

Titan laughed. “Yep.”

The rest of the night was great. I played beer pong with a team of three grunts and the two temp workers and I learned a little more about their lives. Apparently, they get to learn to battle as a part of their job training, and dang, who wouldn’t want that? I’d take up hobbyist battling if I didn’t have to be the one actually taking care of six pets I don’t have time for. It seemed like a fun life, and one of the grunts even invited me to visit their training center later in the week.

Come the next morning, I was supposed to learn the Galactic Corps methods of encryption. I showed up at 9 AM, head throbbing and unshowered, and plunked myself into the correct chair. The grunt next to me greeted me professionally and began explaining stuff, but I could barely absorb any of what he was saying.

“Hey, drink this,” a passing grunt offered, handing me a disposable water bottle filled with sludge that looked like pond scum. “It’ll help with your hangover.” He handed one to my instructor as well, who thanked him. They both uncapped their bottles and started drinking.

I eyed the bottle hesitantly. The stuff had to be edible if the others were drinking it. But it looked disgusting, and my stomach wasn’t in the mood for a challenge.

“It’s not as gross as it looks, I promise,” said my instructor before taking another sip.

I uncapped the bottle and drank. The murky drink tasted like if someone had blended Gatorade, energy drinks, and protein shakes, and given its texture, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what it was. Nasty. But the other grunts handled them with a stiff upper lip, so I kept chugging. And my headache did go away. My stomach stopped hurting. My heartrate picked up. I felt legitimately as good as new- no, better- before I’d even finished it.

From there, the morning went smoother. My mentor demonstrated the code to me one time and I picked it up immediately. I was honestly pretty surprised at myself for learning so quickly. Within an hour, he’d left me to my devices, interpreting and translating the encrypted messages. It was repetitive, mindless work, and normally I’d have daydreamed while doing it. For some reason though, when I tried to, I just couldn’t. It was like those thoughts were out of reach. I didn’t get bored with the work, either, so I didn’t mind much. It was kind of unsettling how focused I was.

“Hey, lunchtime,” one of the grunts said to me. It felt like I’d only been working an hour, but sure enough, the day was already half over. I followed the crowd of grunts and temps to what must have been their lunchroom. I decided to try out the trick Titan had taught me last night.

“Hey,” I asked the crowd of grunts, getting some of their attention. I wasn’t exactly sure what to ask them. Sex was obviously out- I was willing to risk looking weird, but not crazy. My eyes caught on two grunts playing cards. “Anyone want to play some poker?”

A few of them shot up and joined me. We had fun.

It didn’t occur to me until the next day to ask why an energy company was doing encryption. And once I took another murky drink, that question faded away.

Over the next several weeks, I fell into the habit of spending most of my free time at Galactic Corps. My other friends were scattered to the winds for their summer jobs. Even on the weekends, making plans with them was a lot harder than just walking into a room and getting exactly the kind of attention I wanted.

Through it all, I heard whispers about Cyrus. It was all vague enough that I didn’t feel like I knew much about him, but I put together four basic things. 

Firstly, he was their boss. I’d heard enough comments along the lines of, ‘why does Cyrus want us to do this,” or, “I wonder what Cyrus has planned next,” to be sure of that. 

Secondly, they feared him. They didn’t see him often outside of speeches and direct orders, and those who had said that he had a gaze that could freeze you solid and see into your soul-deep flaws. 

Thirdly, they loved him, and in ways that seemed overzealous just for a CEO. The commanders saw the most of him and those who worked in tech saw the second most, and they were envied for getting to see him in action. And the way they spoke about his abilities in battle, strategy, and oration, well- I wish anyone had that much confidence in me.

Lastly, he had promised them a new world. I had no idea what that meant, but it didn’t seem like my business. Cyrus didn’t seem like my business. I was there to buy time to sort my life out, not to gain some sort of hero figure. Still, I was curious.

One day, after Cyrus given a speech the night before, the cafeteria was abuzz with grunts talking about him, and curiosity got the better of me.

Even Titan wasn’t as focused on me as usual that day. He didn’t speak to me at all as I sat down next to him, seemingly lost in dreamy thought as his entourage chattered away. I grabbed his shoulder to knock him out of his daydream.

“Hey. Could you tell me about the new world?” I asked.

“We could if we knew about it ourselves,” a low-ranked male grunt answered before Titan could, “the boss is pretty close-mouthed about the details.”

A higher-ranked grunt rolled her eyes. “No, he isn’t. You’re just not listening to him right. He’s said it- the new world will only be for Team Galactic! Everyone else will be drones that serve us. They won’t be able to fight or mess things up like he hates.”

“Don’t be stupid. He’s going to take over the region and let us all live like royalty and that’s it. Conspiracy theories are hardly becoming of Team Galactic! -er, Galactic Corps.”

The female grunt pushed him, knocking his chair over and sending him to the ground. “Don’t listen to him,” she told me. “Cyrus talks about how terrible humans are every time he opens his mouth, and he’s having us research Pokémon that can change it. He’s gonna take us to a whole new planet where no one can bully us and everything is perfect.”

“Maybe,” Titan cut in, all attention in the room going to him, “but I don’t think Cyrus wants to just make everyone- or even everyone but us- into zombies. I think he wants to rid everyone of their flaws, so we can live our best lives without them. He says it’s for Team Galactic alone because we’re the only ones who will remember how things used to be.”

“But we’ll be rid of our flaws, too, right?” I asked. God, I liked that idea.

“Absolutely. Cyrus talks a lot about the purity of the new world, how nothing so incomplete as the human spirit will be a part of it. I think every person in the new world will be born anew.”

“I’ve heard that he’s even draining Team Galactic of their flaws right now,” another grunt added. “We’ve messed with legendary Pokémon for him. He wouldn’t lie about making Pokémons’ power his own, so he’s definitely already got it. Right? Maybe that’s even what the murky drinks are for.”

Titan hesitated. “I don’t know if he has any special powers, but yeah, I’d say he is. The structure is good for a lot of people, including me.” Titan rolled up his sleeves then, showing off forearms that were scarred with a few track marks. “I was about to fall into a dark place before I joined. You know, you could join us, too,” he said, looking at me.

All I could think about was those murky drinks, and how I felt on them. Focused. Linear-minded. Free from any doubt. Was that my flaws leaving me? If Team Galactic could fix an addict, could it fix me, either with the drinks, or the structure or something involving legendaries? The drinks made me feel weird, not quite myself, but maybe better. Maybe that version of me would be happier. He’d probably make my mom a lot happier. And he definitely wouldn’t be such a fuck-up.

“I’ll… I’ll think about it,” I replied.

[bshmatthews]

Still thinking about that post on resilience. And the way a lot of young people think they can never change.

By the time I was in my mid 20s I was kinda a mess. I had untreated ADHD and sporadically-treated depression and debilitating anxiety. I'd flunked out of college. I struggled to hold down a job. I lived with my parents. I had no friends. I felt miserable about all of this and saw no way out. I thought I just doomed to be miserable forever.

I did have one thing that was an escape - roller skating. I liked skating around town and at the local roller rink, even though I was often the only adult there. It was a way to just turn my brain off for a while.

Then one day I was putting on my skates and a whole group of women my age, some even older, half of them covered in tattoos, strolled into the rink. I was waaaay too shy to approach any of them but I was fascinated. (Yes kinda like that scene in Whip It!!)

So I skated around like usual and just kinda watched these women skating surreptitiously for a while... Some of them honestly sucked at skating. Most were just okay. But there was this one skater who was INCREDIBLE!! I'd never seen anyone skate like her. She was just effortlessly doing all these amazing tricks and dance skating moves.

And then she skates up to ME and she says, "you're a good skater, you should join roller derby". I about died. I don't remember what I said except that it was negative - no I could never. But that night and a couple of the following sessions these roller derby women kept coming up to me and saying, "you should try it!"

I firmly believed I could not do it. I had terrible social anxiety. I specifically had issues around the idea of touching other people or having them touch me. Playing a full-contact team sport? That was just crazy. Never going to happen.

But K. (the amazing skater) said that if I went to practice, she'd teach me some of her tricks. And she said that nobody would do any contact for months, and only once everybody was ready.

So I said yes. I would try to go to a practice. I fully expected to quit before I actually had to hit anyone or do any teamwork. I'd just learn some new skills and then be done with it.

And those early practices were brutal. Not physically, for me, because I already had the basics, but emotionally. I often had panic attacks before or during practices. Random drills would bring up weird emotions (I didn't know why) and I would just have to leave the room for a while. I didn't socialize or try to make friends. At this point I just did not know how to do that.

Maybe it's wrong to say that the team was supportive of my issues because it's not like they went out of their way to accommodate me or whatever. I vaguely remember (this was like 12 years ago!) K. asking me privately how she should handle it when I had to leave to collect myself and I, absolutely mortified, told her to please ignore me as much as possible. And she did! And everyone else followed K.'s example. It was the best response as far as I was concerned.

And then one day, months later, it was time to do contact. I hadn't quit, because even with the panic attacks, I was having too much fun. But I was terrified. What if I accidentally hurt somebody? What if I hit somebody the wrong way and they didn't like it? What if I even just got too close to someone and they thought I was gross and I made them uncomfortable? That would truly be the end of the world.

I was so frozen with fear so long, the drill started before I could get out of the way! The skater I was partnered with hip checked me and I fell on my ass.

And I'm just sitting there on the floor and this shocked giggle comes out of my mouth and my partner starts giggling too.

And then I got up and I hit her! And she fell down! And we laughed again!

Turns out, hitting people is fun.

The panic attacks slowly began to happen less and less often. It took me a long time before I felt comfortable playing in a game - much longer than the other skaters I started with - but eventually I played for the home team and then even the travel team! I ended up getting the nickname "the wrecking ball" because I would take out multiple skaters with one hit. I even jammed in a travel game a couple times (for non-derby folks, the jammer is the one who scores points).

Roller derby really helped me learn that I could get better at things. Skating, for one, but also interacting with people and handling my emotions. Things that seemed impossible for me weren't actually impossible.

I started going to therapy and getting medication. I made friends. I tried dating (and realized I was ace). I went back to school. I remembered that school sucks and dropped out again. I started a new career that didn't require college and I kick ass at it. Twelve years later, I almost feel like a different person entirely from that despairing 25-year-old.

Anyway this post is super long so I'll try to get back to the point which is like, there are so many ways to change and grow in your life. It's okay to struggle with things and have to work harder at them than the other folks around you. That's how you get unstuck! Find the things that make that struggle worth it. I'm still finding new ways to grow in my late 30's, and I hope I never stop.

[eddie-van-munson]

Love, Hate, and Judas Priest (Eddie Munson x Reader)

***********

Requested by: @bobcatbaker @they-ignoreme (Requests for a Reader that acts just like Eddie, and Something Inspired by 'Ten Things I Hate About You'.)

Summary: A classic Enemies to Lovers fic. Eddie Munson has hated you ever since you strolled into Hellfire wearing the same Judas Priest shirt as him. But there's a thin line between love and hate.

Warnings: Enemies to Lovers (Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Angst, Pettiness), Cursing, Spicy Kisses, Fluff, She/Her pronouns. I think that's it??

(Requests are open but the waitlist is long!)

***********

Eddie Munson did not like you.

He knew that from the moment he laid eyes on you. No. Before that, even. He knew it from the moment Dustin had started gushing to him about you.

He was far too excited, vomiting information at him like there was going to be a quiz. "She's just moved to Hawkins from New York, dude. It's her second time doing Senior Year."

Eddie bristled. Flunking senior year was his thing.

"I'm telling you, she's wicked. She knows everything about DnD and she likes metal! You should've heard her talking about the last campaign she ran with her party in New York!" Eddie clenched his jaw a little, quickly realizing how dead set Dustin was on you joining the party. "You've got to meet her. It's like you're the same person! It's crazy! You're gonna love her, man."

Eddie decided right then and there that the two of you were, in fact, nothing alike.

Hellfire that night only cemented his opinions.

"Henderson!" Eddie called from his throne, dramatically. "You are tired. You are injured... You have but one night before an attack is unleashed on your lands. What say ye?"

Dustin nodded solemnly, contemplating his depleted health, "I take a long rest." He crosses his arms decidedly over his chest.

Eddie hummed in agreement, looking back at his book. "Wise choice, Sir Nog-"

"Actually, he can't do that." Mike cut in from across the table. "A long rest lasts twenty-four hours. He won't recuperate and regain spent abilities until a full day has passed."

Eddie frowned, "Who the hell decided that?"

"...The rules?" Mike shrugged, scratching his neck awkwardly. "Y/N says that-"

"Y/N?" He felt a flash of anger, annoyance churning his stomach. "And since when do I give a shit what Y/N says?"

Mike blanched, stuttering.

"Tell me Wheeler, what does your shirt say?"

He sighed, "Hellfire."

Eddie hummed in mock surprise, "Hellfire! And who's king of Hellfire, remind me? Who's Dungeon Master?"

Mike went quiet, crooking an eyebrow, "You?"

"Me. Not Y/N." He crossed his legs over the arm of his throne, "If she has something to say about how I play, she can take it up with me."

Who does she think she is? He ranted to himself in his head as he gathered his things after club. Showing up from god knows where and telling him how to run his own goddamn club. Poisoning his little freshmen sheep.

Mike relayed the whole thing to you in study hall the next day. "I didn't realize he'd flip out!" He laughed at the thought. "Like, shit!"

Dustin dragged you with him to the drama room the next week, your book in tow.

The moment Eddie saw you, he opened his mouth to argue with Dustin. You beat him to it, "What the fuck, Henderson?"

Eddie scoffed. That's what he called Dustin.

This detail, however, was easily the least of the concerns swimming in his head as he looked you up and down. You were wearing the same Judas Priest shirt as him. The exact same one. 

Eddie swung a leg over the arm of his throne, staring you down, "Who is this?"

He knew exactly who the fuck you were.

Dustin sighed, realizing neither of you were going to make this easy on him. "Eddie, this is Y/N. She's joining Hellfire."

You both whip around to look at Dustin, speaking in Unison, "And who the hell decided that?"

Eddie scowled, looking over at you. Your gaze shot daggers at him. Embarrassing.

Dustin held back a smile. Jesus, you both were to stubborn for your own good. Only Eddie Munson would find a way to not like someone who was exactly like him. Dustin soldiered on, "She knows a shit ton about DnD, dude. She'd make a great member in our party."

Eddie hummed smugly, sarcasm dripping from his tone, "Mhm. Yeah. Ok."

You clenched your jaw at his sarcasm as he stood, sliding one of his thick game books down the table to you.

"Do me a favor. Crack that open and come back when you know the difference between an elf and a tiefling, princess."

Dustin opened his mouth to scold him, but he didn't get a chance to. Wordlessly, you pulled off your backpack and unzipped it, pulling out a well-loved copy of the same book. You slammed it down on top of Eddie's with a smug smile, "Your edition is out of date. I'd think about an upgrade."

He glared at you from the head of the table. Yeah. You knew what kind of guy this was. You were all too familiar with this brand of douche bag. You hadn't even wanted to join his stupid ass club, but now? Now you wanted to join just to piss him off.

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowed. You rolled your eyes, turning your back to him without a word, and march off, confidently.

"See you next Wednesday, Freddie."

***********

Things got better. You and Eddie tolerated each other. Sometimes.

In the beginning, it was all out war all the time. By your third club meeting, Dustin was already having to hold an intervention.

"You're acting like fifth graders, guys. You're supposed to be the grown ups!"

"I'll start acting like a grown up when she stops-"

"Eddie!" Dustin cut him off, shooting him a look. The Freshman sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'm not asking you two to be nice to each other. I'm not even asking you to talk anything out. I'm just asking for mutual respect."

Neither you or Eddie looked at Dustin, just glared at each other. You crossed your arms. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

"You know exactly what that means." Dustin took a deep breath. He turned back towards the throne. "Eddie, Y/N knows her shit. She's a good player. You can at least admit that."

Eddie was silent. Dustin turned to you.

"Y/N, Eddie's a damn good Dungeon Master. He writes awesome campaigns. You know that's the truth."

You went quiet.

"You both have traits that the other can respect. So stop acting like children and be good sports, ok?"

You and Eddie nodded.

Dustin sighed in relief, "Now shake hands."

You made it to a point of good natured mutual-dislike. Sure, you still teased one another mercilessly and argued about stupid shit, but there was respect. A silent agreement that ok...maybe you didn't actually mean everything you said.

Today was different though. Eddie wasn't putting up with shit today.

He'd woken up with a splitting head ache, already fifteen minutes late to his first period. The van broke down on the way to school, and he'd had to put up with bullshit from his teachers and Jason Carver all day. His head still hurt, and on top of all that? Wayne had just taken a pay cut.

You got to the drama room a few minutes after he did. He nodded, acknowledging you, and you watched for a minute as he stiffly laid out fresh character sheets over the table. Something was wrong. Damnit.

You debated whether you should say anything, scratching your neck awkwardly. Finally, you spoke, your voice sounding too loud in the silence of the room. "Are you ok?"

He paused, looking at you, and both of you were quiet for a moment. He cleared his throat, "Yeah. Just...you know. Headache."

You hummed, nodding, and pulled your book from your bag. There was another long silence. "Do you want some Tylenol?"

He turned to you again, looking confused. Surprised, even. "What?"

You played with the hem of your pants, pointing at the door to the drama room. "I just...I keep Tylenol in my locker for cramps. I thought maybe...if you were hurting or something-"

Something in him bristled, "Can you just leave me alone?"

You froze, looking hurt. Eddie's chest ached, now along with his head, guilt bubbling in him. He swallowed thickly, "Look, I-"

"Just, forget it." You snapped.

He opened his mouth to say something. To apologize. But the door to the drama room swung open.

"Eddie!" You both jumped as Lucas ran in, trailed by the other boys. "I won! I made the winning shot!"

His expression immediately brightened, "Holy shit, Sinclair! Are you serious!?"

The room erupted, each club member bouncing off the walls with excitement as they tried to recount the glorious details of the game all at once. You sat at the table, smiling weakly. As proud as you were of Lucas, you didn't feel like celebrating.

You took a deep breath as The Sheep finally settled at the table, pulling their game pieces from their backpacks and finding pencils.

Eddie cleared his throat, ignoring the pain in his skull as he read. "Sir Nog..."

Dustin looked up, his eyes going wide.

"When we left you last week, you were headed for the desert, fleeing an army of Drows. You casted 'Find Greater Steed' and summoned a Griffin to carry you far from the enemy. When your 'steed' grew tired, you stopped for the night a top a large hill and took a long rest to regain your strength."

 Dustin nodded, recounting his last turn from the week before.

"But now, Sir Nog..." Eddie's tired face cracked with mischief. "You've awoken. It's been twenty four hours, and the army of Drows has caught up to you."

Dustin groaned, covering his eyes. The other boys shouted advice.

Eddie laughed softly at their enthusiasm, ignoring the throbbing of his head, and  continued. "You can hear them around you, yelling to one another, but they can't see you yet. You were smart enough to hide yourself and your steed in a desert cave for the night."

Dustin sighed in relief.

"You aren't out of the woods yet though, Henderson. You don't have much of a stealth bonus...Would you like to attack or stay hidden?"

Dustin thought, his brow furrowed in concentration. "Stay hidden."

Eddie smiled, "Alright. Roll the twenty for me."

Dustin steadied himself, cracking his knuckles as he plucked the die from his collection. He shook it, blowing on it for good luck, and let it tumble across the table. The room held its breath as it came to a stop. 13.

The boys looked to Eddie, expectantly, crossing their fingers. Eddie raised his brows. "It's not enough. They see you."

Dustin hit his fist on the table as the group groaned. "Shit."

You swallowed thickly, "That's not right."

A silence. Eddie clenched his jaw. "What?"

"I said, you're wrong. That is enough."

He shook his head, trying to keep his cool. "It's not. His stealth is too low. There's not enough of a bonus."

You stood your ground, "Drows are at a disadvantage in the sunlight. When subterranean species are on land, they lose Optical Aucity unless they have shaded goggles. I don't remember you mentioning any goggles."

Eddie groaned, "Are you fucking serious?"

"I'm trying to help the kid, Munson. What, do you want him to lose? It's in the damn book. You should have read it."

"I did read it! I've read it a million times. Why do you rake me over the coals over every-"

"Because you're an asshole! You treat me like I'm stupid!"

Eddie snapped, "Then why the hell do you come? Why do you come every goddamn week if you hate it so much, huh? Just stop! Stop coming! Because you're ruining it for all of us!"

You could've heard a pin drop in the drama room.

 It hurt. It really hurt. You would have preferred it if he'd punched you in the stomach. You weren't sure why it hurt so much.

That was lie. You did know why. It was because deep down, you liked Eddie. You'd grown to like him a lot.

You liked it when he teased you and you teased him, both of you knowing it didn't mean anything. You liked it when he'd congratulate you for beating his campaigns, even though it drove him crazy to do it. You liked that you lived in the same trailer park, and he'd drive you home from Hellfire if you asked. He'd always put on your favorite Iron Maiden tape, too, just because he knew you liked it. You liked Eddie. For as much as you shouted the opposite from the rooftops, you really really liked him. He knew you did. And you'd thought he liked you too.

There was immediate regret in his eyes the moment he said it. He felt sick when he saw the look on your face, but the damage was done. You couldn't even look at the other boys. Your throat tightened, and you fought the tears welling in your eyes.

"Fuck you, Eddie Munson."

You grabbed your book from the table and marched out the door. He started towards you, but his head spun a little when he stood up too fast. You ignored him when he called after you, slamming the front doors of the building and making your way to the parking lot.

Eddie cursed under his breath, trying to steady his dizzy, aching head. "Shit...shit. Goddamn it." He tugged at his own curls, angry with himself. His eyes and nose were red when he finally turned to the club. His voice was hoarse, "You guys go on home, ok? I'll find her. I'm gonna talk to her. Just...we'll pick up next week."

***********

Eddie stood awkwardly at your front door for a little bit before he finally mustered the courage to knock. He didn't hear anything, and he'd begun to think you hadn't made it home yet when you opened the door.

You slammed it shut in his face the moment you saw who it was, locking it.

Eddie sighed, guilt swimming in his belly. There'd been two obvious mascara tracks running down your cheeks. "Oh, Come on, Y/N. I just want to talk."

Your voice was hoarse when you yelled back, "I don't have anything to say to you."

"Well, I have something to say to you!"

"Well I don't fucking care!"

"Y/N!...Damn it!" He groaned, thumping his fist on the door in annoyance. "Goddamnit, Y/N, why do you act like this? You drive me fucking crazy! You know that?"

"Good!" You yelled, biting back a sob. You leaned your back against the door, sinking down to sit with your knees pulled to your chest.

"Christ, You're go damn headstrong, Y/N! You won't ever let shit go! You never stop when you should. You just push and push. You're so fucking irritating."

Anger burned in your chest as you listened. What, you ran off crying and he sought you out to berate you some more?

You could hear him panting. He rested his forehead against the door. "I don't get you. I don't. Because you do all this...you talk so much shit and act like you rule the fucking world and the boys eat it up every time. They absolutely love it and I do too."

You caught on his words, your brow furrowing with confusion.

"I do too, Y/N."

You went silent, trying to make sense of whatever the hell was happening. Again, he spoke. His words were soft this time. Croaky and tired. Like he'd given into it.

"I...I do too. I really do." He swallowed. "That's what drives me batshit crazy. I can't get enough of you. I can't get you out of my stupid head."

 He could feel your presence, almost. Sitting on the other side of that door. He wanted to step through it and hold you. Tell you he was sorry.

His voice broke, "I've wanted you from the moment I saw you in that stupid fucking Judas Priest shirt. I wanted you so bad. And it scared me. It scared the shit out of me. It still does. Because I still want you."

He turned his back to the door and leaned against it, sliding down to sit, as well.

"I guess in the beginning I felt like it was easier to reject you before you could reject me and that is such an asshole move. I know it is and I'm sorry. I'm just terrified of you, Y/N." He gave a humorless laugh, burying his face in his hands.  "You're perfect. You're literally perfect. You know that right?

Eddie had almost forgot you were listening. There was a long silence. He'd been about to stand up and walk away. To leave you alone like you probably wanted him to. But he heard you turn the deadbolt.

He stood as you opened the door, feeling like his heart was going to fall out of his chest. There you were, eyes red and glossy. You looked so small there. What remained of your mascara was running down your flushed cheeks, staining the collar of your pajama shirt. You were pitiful, and god his whole body ached in knowing he'd made you cry. He wanted to gather you up in his arms.

You stared up at him. "Get inside, Eds. It's cold."

*********

He was taller than you remembered. You noticed this now as he stood in the middle of your bedroom. Eddie stared at you awkwardly, looking around your room as you paced. You were still unsure of what exactly you were going to do with him.

He watched you as you rubbed the bridge of your nose, your cheeks flushed with anger. You muttered something to yourself.

Eddie finally cut in, "Just yell at me."

You froze, turning to him. "What?"

"Just yell at me." He crossed his arms casually, brows raised. "I deserve it! Get it all out!"

You bit your lip.

He could tell you were tempted. "I'll start if you want." You crooked your brow. Eddie shrugged, walking over to the mirror on your wall. He stared at his reflection, and you flinched a little when he yelled, poking his finger against the mirror accusatorily, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Your eyes went big as you watched him. He yelled again.

"You're a piece of shit! That's what you are! And you should've just accepted the Tylenol! Why'd you have to be an asshole about it, huh?"

He turned to you, his grin spreading at the sight of a tiny smile on your face. "Your turn."

You pursed your lips, wracking your brain. Finally, you threw something at him, still sounding unsure. "You...You're a son of a bitch, Eddie Munson!"

He jumped excitedly, beaming, "Hell yeah I am! C'mon!"

You hesitated, "You're arrogant! And you...You act like you know everything!"

"That's right! Let me have it!"

You laughed, furrowing your brow and giving him a shove as you jumped up onto your bed. You were taller than him, now. "You...I...How dare you?!"

"How dare I?!" He threw up his hands, exasperatedly.

"You're obnoxious! And entitled! How dare you embarrass me in front them like that! And then you show up here with your pretty brown eyes and tell me you love me? What is wrong with you?"

He was beaming now as he took your hands. "Sweetheart..." His voice went softer. Fond. "I've been asking myself the same question for years."

You dropped to your knees on the mattress, making yourself the perfect height to pull him into a hug. He went stiff, surprised. Oh. Oh. You were hugging him.

His fingertips laced in your hair as he held you right back. Tightly. He exhaled, letting himself relax into you as he gave an amazed laugh.

You pulled back, searching out those big brown eyes. "What is it?"

His face was split with a blinding smile, "I've just...I've never gotten to hug you, before."

God he was beautiful. He looked at you with the most starry eyes, the tip of his nose bumping yours. You brought a hand up to cradle his face, grazing your thumb over one of his dimples. His expression faded, and you were almost sure you saw him glance down at your lips for a moment.

"Eds..." You swallowed thickly, letting yourself admire his pretty mouth just as he had yours. "You are so fucking irritating."

He laughed loudly, but the sweet sound was muffled as you pulled him into a kiss. It was chaste, as was grinning against you, but the moment you knit your fingers through his curls he groaned softly, pulling your body close against his. His kisses were desperate and messy. God, he'd been wanting this for months. Wanting you for months.

Ever since he'd laid eyes on that stupid fucking Judas Priest shirt.

***********

Tensions were high the next week at Hellfire.

You were late, and the boys were sure things had gone to shit. Worst case scenarios crowded their heads all week. What if you and Eddie had gotten into a literal fist fight? What if you were plotting wicked, vile revenge as they spoke? And worst of all...What if you quit Hellfire?

Eddie had been non-descript with Dustin all week, answering his two hundred questions with useless things like, "It went fine."

You were no better, only offering eye rolls and "Stop worrying about it, Henderson."

The boys toyed with their figurines and pencils as they waited nervously. Club had started six minutes ago and still, you were no where to be seen. The room was quiet, the only sound being the nervous whispers between Freshmen. Finally, the drama room door opened, and you strolled in. The room sighed a silent sigh of relief.

You tossed your backpack to the side, pulling a chair out from the table next to Eddie, "Sorry I'm late."

" 's ok." He smiled at you, fondly.

This in itself was an anomaly. Eddie? Neglecting a chance to tease you about something?

Any thoughts of this being odd were quickly forgotten, though, when you pecked his lips quickly and mussed his hair, taking your seat at the table. You quietly searched out your character sheet from your bag, as if you hadn't just done something so out of character that it was making five teenage boys question their sanity.

They were frozen, jaws dropped, as if Luke Skywalker himself had just walked through the drama room door.

Eddie cleared his throat, "Sir Nog! It's come to my attention that due to the ocular disadvantage working against the army of Drows, they are, in fact, unable to see you in the desert cave."

***********

@stardancerluv @grace--03 @fightmevecna @ietss @blanket-anime-infos @padawansubscription @grungegrrrl @theoriginaldoll87

[lexxiisstuff]

𝐓𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚 𝐤𝐞𝐢

Warning: none.

Academic Rivals AU but he's been pining for years.

**********

"Come on y/n I just need the answer to question two" You rolled your eyes playfully at your best friend, Akira and slid your Economic notes over to her.

"You really should attempt this exercise on your own yunno. How will you ever get better if you don't try to do them yourself" You grabbed a pencil and began jotting down notes on the new section and Akira scoffed.

"Listen here smarty pants not all of us are intellectually gifted like some in our class" Her eyes went to you and drifted lightly over Tsukishima who was seated far left of the lecture hall. His blank bored expression clear as day. You glared at her

"I hope you're not actually complimenting Satan's spawn over there because I'll be very disappointed in you" You said harshly.

You and Tsukishima had been in the same class the whole of high school and were now sharing three classes in your first year of University. To say you disliked him would be an understatement. You loathed him. He was obnoxious, rude and arrogant not to mention exceptionally smart. You couldn't remember how many times you had battled it out with him for first in the grade. He'd won majority, but on the few times you did beat him nothing was sweeter.

"You two really need to hug out all this animosity" Akira said shrugging "you've been at this since high school"

You were about to respond but the professor began to hand out last weeks essays. You smiled at the large bolded 94% above your name. You hadn't expected to do so well considering economics wasn't your strong point. You watched Tsukishima take his paper and frown at the grade. You smirked lightly. He wasn't the greatest in economics either.

When class finally ended Akira asked you to meet in the dining hall a bit later because she had to talk to her advisor. You nodded smiling and walked out of the lecture hall.

"Y/n!" You froze at the sound of your name behind you. Maybe if you continued walking he wouldn't see you. You took another step cautiously but Tsukishima was unfortunately next to you a second later "What's the rush?"

"What do you want Tsukishima?" You said continuing your walk along campus. The tall blond matched your stride easily and you glared up at him.

"Just curious as how you did on the Eco Essay" He said adjusting his glasses. You thought it was kind of endearing actually. Endearing??? You shook the odd thought away.

"None of your business" You muttered

"Did you flunk? There's nothing to be ashamed of. Economics is hard" You glanced at him skeptically and stopped walking.

"Did you flunk?" You whispered it like it was some sort of crazy conspiracy and Tsukishima snorted.

"Don't be an idiot" He lifted his paper to flash the bright red 97% and it was your turn to frown.

"Good for you Tsukishima" You said and began to walk again. This time alot faster.

"Come on are you seriously not going to tell me how much you got?" He said and you sighed. He wouldn't quit if you didn't. You handed him your paper and watched him smirk. Smug bastard.

"What a shame" He tsked and you snatched your paper back.

"Whatever. Can you go away now I have things to do and your presence slows me down" You mumbled

"Aww am I your distraction?"

"More like a nuisance" You heard his laughter as you entered the dorm building and hated the small smile that twitched at your lips.

-----

"I hate parties" You pouted as Akira held your hand maneuvering you both through the masses of people. The dress you were wearing was one that was slightly out of your comfort zone but still you enough that you weren't insecure but the hills Akira had shoved you in were slowly damaging your feet.

"You've said that four times and it's only been 10 minutes. Come on loosen up. You only live once" She grabbed two cups of beer and handed you one.

"That's what they say in every idiotic teenage movie where the protagonist is about to do something stupid" You sipped the beer slowly and cringed. Cheap beer was not good. Ever.

"Akira! Hey come play with us" You saw a good looking boy call her over to the beer pong table and she glanced at you hesitantly.

"Go" You said smiling.

"Nah I don't want to leave you"

"I'll be fine Akira. I don't need a babysitter. Have fun" she bit her lip.

"Alright but only one game. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all okay" You nodded watching her drift towards the boys. You wish you had that type of energy. The kind people were drawn to.

You made your way through the large house towards the kitchen. Only a few people were in there. You leaned against the wall filling your empty glass and taking a hesitant sip.

"Well hello there Cutie" You glanced up at the short dark haired boy and tensed. Was he talking to you?

"Um hi?" He was a boy from your English lecture and he was known for having terrible grades and an even worse reputation. You glanced towards the exit. Maybe you should run.

"Having fun" He leaned towards you caging you between him and the counter and you trembled. He was definitely wasted

"I have a boyfriend" You nearly shouted. The boy only chuckled.

"Oh yeah? Where is he?" He leaned closer and you shrank away. If push came to shove you could punch him. Maybe kick him. You were thinking of the best way to defend yourself when you saw the tall figure behind the boy.

"Get the fuck away from her. Right now" Tsukishima growled threatingly. You glanced up. His jaw was clenched his eyes were dark and you'd never been more relieved to see him.

The brunette stepped away holding his hands up in surrender "Sorry man. Thought she was single"

"She's not so fuck off." The boy scampered away from you and you leaned back closing your eyes with a small sigh.

"You okay?" You looked up to a concerned Tsukishima and nodded slightly.

"I hate parties" You whispered

"As do I." He approached you slowly as if not to scare you off and you stood still. Weirdly you didn't tense or freeze but willed him forward. "Why come?"

"I though it would be fun" You mumbled sadly. "I wanted to do something different other than reading Austen and watching reruns of criminal minds on a Friday "

"Then read Wilde and watch reruns of X-Files but you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable. You hated parties since high school" You stared at him.

"How do you know?"

"Because I went to every one in hopes you'd be there" He muttered quietly. Before you could answer he stretched out a hand "Message Akira. Tell her I'm walking you home"

"How do you know I came with Akira?"

"Because I know you. If you're doing something out of your comfort zone there's a high chance Akira is lurking somewhere" You couldn't help the smile you gave him. Maybe he did know you. You pulled out your phone and sent a text to your best friend.

Tsukishima led you out of the house and all the while kept a strong hand on your lower back. You flushed lightly at the feeling of him touching you. God this was crazy. Tsukishima and you could barely stand each other and yet here you are seeking refuge in him.

"Thanks Kei" You mumbled softly when you finally made it out of the house and onto the sidewalk. He stumbled lightly.

"You've never called me that before" He looked at you and gulped anxiously. You were so beautiful he thought. Like something written out of a story about princesses and fairies. He never felt as angry as he did tonight watching that asshole hassle you. He watched you rub your arms awkwardly and tried not to smile. God he wanted to hold you. He wanted to take you into his arms and give you all the comfort he could offer. Maybe someday you'd let him.

"I think after tonight I deserve to call you that no?" You grinned playfully and he nudged you rolling his eyes.

"You can call me whatever you'd like y/n" His voice was soft, gentle almost tender and you felt a flutter inhibit your chest. What was happening?

The two of you made your way down the campus walkway. It was a 10 minute walk to your dorm. Tsukishima watched you waddle in your heels and grinned. "Would you like some help?"

"Unless you're offering to swap shoes I don't think you can help." You muttered uncomfortably.

"Wait here" He instructed and dashed off. You stood staring at light post in contemplation. Kei arrived five minutes later with a pair of sandals he bought from the schools merchandise in his hand. You giggled incredulously.

"Take off your heels" You slipped them off and shoved your feet into the sandals. They fit perfectly.

"How'd you know my shoe size?"

"Years of observation" You leaned down to grab the heels but he beat you to it grabbing them before you could

"I got it" He walked with your heels dangling from his left hand the other he pressed firmly against your back.

"Why are you being so nice to me tonight" you asked because you couldn't help it.

"I don't know." He said quietly "I'm tired of being at odds with you"

"You really think we can be friends?" You asked curiously.

"No. Because I don't want to be your friend either" He looked away nervously.

"Okay then what do you want Tsukishima?"

"Everything" He muttered

___________________

Ahh I just love pining don't you?? I think I wanna do a part 2 lemme know what you guys think!!!

[brellhal96]

It’s... pretty complicated

Summary: College dramas in the life of a third-year student who decides to start, not a relationship, but something with a renowned professor.

Okay the GIF is not very related to the subject, but this man dressed in black has me at his feet.

Notes: This is quite cliché actually, but what does it matter, it is worth dreaming. It is planned to be written in several chapters, so the first is mostly to give context to the story, I hope you like it.

I base myself on Loki's physique, although I will mention Tom Hiddleston as the star of the scene, but my perfect image is in the essence of Loki in a black suit.

I study a completely different area to numbers and physics, don't be rigorous with me on the subject, only I think it an excellent area to show Loki's personality, I do not know why.

I will show at the beginning of the series a somewhat possessive relationship, but with the outcome I promise to shape this. It should be noted that not in a toxic sense.

I didn't mention a specific university, country, or geographic location.ical location.

It's the first time I've written anything obscene, I hope you like it.

Precautions: 18+, mention of fear or anxiety, unprotected sex, a relationship at the beginning somewhat possessive.

CHAPTER 1

I NEVER SAID I WASN'T INTERESTED.

Notes: Okay this chapter is kind of weird honestly, I didn't really put so much emphasis on the obscene, but I feel like it ended up fine, I hope you like it.

Word count: 6389

You had gotten used to the hot weather of the beginning of the year, in fact you had always preferred that climate. You spent the summer with your parents on a beach, sometimes you missed them too much, but your father's job and the university of your dreams were right at the opposite ends of the country. The first year was quite complicated, but then you got used to living alone, you actually lived two blocks from campus so your bike was the perfect means of transportation.

You made some friends here, Jared had become your best friend, his bond of trust scared you a bit as you could tell him anything without fear, but it was quite comforting to have someone like that by your side.

You had earned a scholarship for academic excellence, your studies were your priority since you were a child and you loved that. The only unpleasant thing about this scholarship is that it restricted your choice of teachers in half of your subjects since you were supposed to be with “teachers of excellence”.

When you compared your subject strip to Jared and Diane, they only shared one class the three of them together, Diane another, and Jared two more. In the end you weren't going to be alone in all the classes so that calmed you a little, studying physics wasn't so complicated, it was easy for you, but socializing wasn't much for you.

You went to building C, your first class was analytical mechanics and later thermodynamics, the teacher in the second was assigned to you by the institute, a Doctor Hiddleston, you've never heard of him, you just hoped it wasn't a headache. Your mechanics teacher was a love and with the first class you knew it was going to be one of your favorite subjects.

When you finished you went to your other class, you sat right in the middle in the third row, several were in groups apparently with their friends from previous years. You took your computer and got ready to take notes. Suddenly the door closed tightly and everyone sat a little scared.

A very good-looking man came in, tall, thin and dressed completely in black, I honestly he caused you curiosity why for some reason you felt that you had seen him before.

Without seeing the class began to write on the board quickly "I am Professor Tom Hiddleston and I will teach the subject of Thermodynamics" His voice was strong and deep and you immediately recognized it. You frowned when you remembered last year's science fair, you won first place in the area of electromagnetism prototypes against a fourth-year kid, which made you feel completely proud, yet two of the judges had not been what we call nice to the two.

When you remembered Professor Hiddleston's deep look at you that day, the judges asked random questions to the fourth-year kid and you, but apparently your future thermodynamics teacher was one of those who enjoyed making students nervous with difficult questions. His sidekick on that occasion was your freshman professor, analytic geometry, Professor Scott Lawford a fucking genius, you had cried with his subject, but passed with an A +.

They both enjoyed seeing the nerves invading you and your opponent, whispering to each other with their answers. At one point Professor Hiddleston asked you and you remember perfectly well that when you finished speaking he only looked at you and smiled mockingly for then wrote something on his ballot. In the end you won by three points of the total vote and the fourth year boy, currently fifth, became your friend, both came to the same conclusion, the two teachers were crazy.

He began to write down on the board the evaluation and the issues that are always mentioned at the beginning of the year. For a moment you panicked when he wrote that one of the exams was oral, you could not imagine the martyrdom he would create just to get a passing grade.

He took 20 minutes to explain and let us out to start the next class with the course. When you came out unintentionally you stared at him while he was erasing the blackboard, but apparently your look was uncomfortable enough for him that for a second he turn and he stared at you, you rushed out of the classroom after that. When you told Jared about this future journey that you had to go through you felt immense despair, but then you remembered that, if you could the previous years with teachers equal or worse to him, this was only one step more.

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The first three weeks of class were pretty normal, you made two more friends and breakfast in the cafeteria with Jared and Diane made you forget about the pressures of school, but just the moment you felt like you were fitting in perfectly with your new year, the thermodynamics class became strange.

The classes with Tom were very pleasant, he was kinder than his body language showed, only he was certainly of a very volatile character, there were days when he seemed angry and others when he seemed happy, it was weird, but it was even weirder that you were attracted to him.

Your previous class had lasted longer than expected and the teacher extended 5 minutes out of her time which translates into being late for thermodynamics. You panicked when you saw the locked door of the classroom, wondered if it was better not to enter the class and pretend a headache straight to the infirmary, but in the end you breathed for a second and you'd decided get ready to knock the door.

“Can I help you with something?"You had never noticed that he was quite tall, it was the first time you were quite close to him.

"Sorry my mechanics teacher accidentally spread...”

"You were able to leave her class to get to mine on time, don't you think?"His gaze was quite penetrating up close.

“I really sorry, won't happen again,” Your hands were shaking, but in reality, not for fear, but his presence so formal, so rigid and secure made you feel strangely attracted to him, when you thought that, you actually invaded the shame, how do you fall in love of a teacher as strange as him.

He just opened the door and walked aside to let you through. "I asked them to work in pairs, look for your partner and ask him to explain what I already explain”

On the board were written several formulas, you wondered how he managed in 7 minutes to score so much.

You asked several guys over there, but apparently the whole damn world already had a partner, in the end you decided to do it alone, you just hoped he wouldn't flunk you for it. A girl explained the instructions to you, apparently you had to pick up one of the sheets that the professor had placed on the desk and solve it with the formulas on the blackboard, you even had to sit up to the top rows because all the other seats were occupied.

You started cursing internally while taking one of the paper sheets from the desk. "Who are you going to work with?"The professor asked you without seeing you while making notes with a rather nice pen of Indian ink.

"I'll do it alone, I already asked ... ”

"Don't you understand what couples are?"He interrupted you and this time he gave you a rather intimidating gaze.

"Yes, but apparently all my companions already have one and I figured I could do it alone then" Your hands trembled again with the paper sheet between them.

"Who doesn't have a partner?"he looked back at his papers and yelled at the whole group. It was pretty funny for you because he himself proved you were right, no one was missing a partner. When he looked up and saw that no one answered he saw you again and then looked at the blackboard behind his back.

"Well, I'll do it with you then" He got up and brought a chair that was at the end of the living room for you right next to his desk.

For a moment you wanted to run out of there, you knew you shouldn't make a mistake or say something stupid because otherwise you'd die trying.

"Get your stuff and start working it out, just let me finish a few things. To be fair with your colleagues and with you I will let you do it alone and answer any doubts you have, because obviously I know how this is solved, but I also consider that it is a lot of work for one person, do you agree?" His gaze became a little kinder.

"Yes, thank you,” you smiled faintly, but felt an internal shock as he winked at you and continued to write with his fine pen. You sat right in the corner of his desk, they were just three problems but they really left you with little desire to live. The first one, you felt was quite easy to solve, even at one point you felt the professor's gaze on you when you were so focused on your operations.

"Don't you have any doubts?"His eyebrows were puckered and his gaze was no longer mocking but rather with bona fide interests.

"No, not really, well I go in the second exercise, possibly I do" You smiled as you watched your operations with inner pride.

"Can I see?"He extended his hand to give him the leaves you had carried until then. You gave them to him, just hoping he'd tell you you had everything terribly wrong.

As he watched your leaves you watched him, he was quite attractive now that you saw him without fear that he would not let you into class, his hair was dark and apparently a lover of black to wear, his eyes were cute and quite tender while they examined your answers.

"Go on, I don't want to confuse you” He put the paper sheets on the desk and saw you with a small smile on your lips as a sign that you were on the right track.

Just 10 minutes before the class ended you finished all three exercises, you had only asked him one question and it was about whether it was a 4 or a 9 in a formula that wrote the board, so you felt pretty happy that you did it alone.

"Ready" You smiled broadly, you were the first to finish and the only one who had done it alone.

"Are you sure?”

"Yeah, well, I hope it's not a 0 at the end of the day,” you laughed to yourself, and in the end you wondered if you had thought about it or said it.

”Then let's see " took his pen and began to review your work. You froze when you saw that he framed something in your results, but he didn't tell you anything. "Well, I really didn't expect less from the winner of last year's science fair, maybe punctuality, but what does it matter”

You smiled when you saw that your grade was an A, only that he kept the papers, apparently he had to register them on his lists or something. Just as you were about to get up to leave, he asked you to stay at the end of class.

You sat back in the seats vacated by the peers that have already gone, but for a second, remembered what you said I didn't expected less from the winner of the science fair last year, he remembered you, you know that he remembered you, sonreíste for yourself when thinking that.

When the whole room was half empty, he started putting away his things. ”Come with me, " he said as he walked out with a firm and fast pace, so much so that you had to walk faster than normal. You wondered where they were going, it was pretty strange since you'd never been through the labs where it went.

“I've noticed that you're pretty good in the area, actually amazing, I even remember your answers about your prototype against the fourth year kid, former student of mine, you were much better than his” he opened the door of one of the labs and with his arm gave you a signal to enter.

“Thank you, I actually always dreamed of doing this, " you said as you walked into the lab, quite big, you assumed they were the ones that grad boys used.

"I want to propose you something” You sat at one of the practice tables and he leaned with both hands on his desk. "Would you like to work with me on a project I have?, is related to thermodynamics”

For a second you saw him with an expression of if he was joking with you or if he was serious and he seemed to read your mind.

"It's seriously, I'm working on a model related to the second law" he approached you sitting in the chair in front of yours.

"I would love to then, but I do not know how I could be of help”

"In many things" he smiled

For a moment you wondered why suddenly the man who seemed bitter about life was being so kind to you.

“You do not have to tell me your answer now, I will send you the files I have of my progress by mail if you like and you could think about it”

"Sure, I will" You smiled and he too, for a moment everything was silent, somewhat uncomfortable to be honest but his look no longer caused you fear, but somehow attracted you to him.

It was quite strange because they both got up at the same time so you were right next to him and his height difference was no small one.

"Well I think I have to go, I'll see you the next class”

"Wait, I wanted to give you something that I kept here," he went to the back cellar of the lab and came back with a bun that said first place. "I'm sorry, I was supposed to give it to you that day you won, but I honestly didn't remember where I left it, so this belongs to you.”

When you saw the bun with your name on it, you were very happy. "I thought they didn't give anything," you laughed as you put it in your backpack.

"Yeah, excuse me, I tend to be a little clueless about those things.”

"No problem," you smiled and shyly walked out of the room.

The weekend you started to question why Professor Hiddleston made you feel so nervous, now you knew that you were one of his star students, to the degree that you could be his future colleague, but why couldn't you even hold his gaze? you know, for a moment you thought about flatly refusing his project if you couldn't even see it in the eyes, but after you thought about it, you figured it would possibly be a good idea, you could even learn more things by being his apprentice.

It was Monday's class, you didn't know why, but you were in the lab on Friday, apparently you were doing an experiment on the tables with some microscopes on. ”You did it " There was Professor Hiddleston next to you, his command was on your waist and suddenly he began to approach you to kiss you on the lips and it was even stranger because it was quite nice for you, to reciprocate.

Right then you woke up, you're fucking in love with your thermodynamics professor, "Excellent Y / N, that's all that was missing."

Monday's class didn't even look him in the eye and you sat up to the top rows, you felt pretty uncomfortable with yourself thinking of a teacher that way.

"Y / N wait" Just when class ended you rushed to pack your things and run out of the classroom, but it still didn't work. "Did you think about what I told you?"The professor actually looked pretty excited about his own project.

"Yes, I just wondered if the meetings or the times we work could be on Fridays, that would make things a lot easier for me" You said without seeing the professor in the eyes, it was somewhat uncomfortable after that strange dream of the weekend.

"Sure, then it's a deal,” he held out his hand as if they were going to close the deal with a strong squeeze.

"Deal" You shook his hand and when you saw him you felt that his look was not only kind, but he was actually trying to tell you something.

The classes went on normally, you felt a little excited being sincere that you went to work with the professor who was now at the same time your impossible love, but you had to be careful for him not to notice. They agreed to meet after your last class at the lab on Fridays, at 15:00 hours. You knew it wasn't right, but from the moment you were attracted to the professor every time you saw him, you started using lip gloss and curling your hair.

For several weeks they worked on their project, now you understood their sudden mood swings, it was quite frustrating to feel that you had advanced in something and then realized that something did not fit with the rest of the procedure.

One Friday when you arrived he was making notes on the blackboard, had taken off his coat and tie and folded the sleeves of his shirt in a way that looked spectacularly attractive.

"Y / N pass," he smiled when he saw you in the driveway. "Did you read the documents I sent you?"On Wednesday he sent you a very interesting document about some theories related to the project.

"Yes, I just made some notes from some parts that I honestly didn't understand" You left your backpack in one of the buckets at the ends of the room " I'm not very good at some things”

"Neither do I, but don't worry,” he winked at you and you felt like you were melting internally.

For an hour they tried to solve one of the most difficult equations within the theory they chose, it was quite fun as sometimes you would collapse and sometimes he, but both tried to cheer up so as not to erase the whole slate of despair.

”Ready," you said when you finally managed to solve the equation.

”You did it!" saw the board quite surprised and so did you. "Your boyfriend is lucky" For a second he himself kept quiet knowing that the last thing he said wasn't quite right.

"Boyfriend? that species is extinct within my social radar" You laughed trying to keep him from feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He saw you trying to analyze your expression.

"Well sometimes the unconscious makes us a bad move" You smiled broadly "besides I guess the lucky one is his girlfriend" you returned the same move trying to tempt the ground.

"It's also an extinct species to me," he smiled, but he avoid your gaze.

"Well, then we're free to go looking for it.”

"I thought you had a boyfriend," he said as he started writing the equation on the board on the computer.

"Why?"you sat at the desk, watching him write on the computer quite nervous.

"Nothing else" You knew he was lying to you.

"Nothing else?”

"Well you're a very cute and smart girl, I figured a lot of guys are interested in you.” He didn't even look you in the eye when he said that.

”I'm not really interested in anyone" You saw through the window as you answered" well, only in someone, but it's impossible” Oh God, now the unconscious had made the wrong move to you talking too much.

”Nothing is impossible" he looked up and seemed to know what you meant.

"Well, it's just that if I just had a sign I could know it's not impossible" You started fiddling with your wrist bracelet nervously.

"How what a sign?" he stopped writing and stood right in front of you, you were still sitting at the desk.

"I don't know" You felt the adrenaline start to accelerate your pulse as it approached you.

"A date, a kiss, or even invite you to work on a project?" He placed his hands on the edge of the desk rubbing your legs.

”Yes, that sounds good " Clearly you knew what he meant, his look and yours were fixed, you appreciated that the door was closed and it was the third level, the windows were facing nowhere, so no one could see what was happening.

"Well sometimes it is necessary that you also give signals, don't you think?" His gaze and yours really seemed to be completely fixed.

"Yeah, that sounds fair." You started breathing deeper.

Slowly, he tempting the ground, began to approach, for a moment you knew that this was not right, that it was not right, but fuck, your body wanted it as you have no idea. Slowly he started to kiss you, he was nice and actually a very good kisser, then he started to get a little rougher, but both you and he knew you wanted him, his arm held your hip and your hands hugged his neck holding on to him.

"Dr. Hiddleston, I bring the copies you ordered." Someone knocked on the door and immediately the feeling of running out overwhelmed you.

"Sure, I'm coming" saw you and he wiped the lip gloss you had left on him. You packed your stuff fast and when I was going to close the door again you walked out without seeing him in the face.

"Until Monday" You started walking fast.

"Y / N wait" was the last thing you heard when you started going down the stairs two at a time.

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You, Diane and Jared planned to go out that weekend, you weren't feeling well, but you also didn't want to leave them after you had planned this for days.

"Hey, you look pale," Jared saw you worried as they waited for food at the mall.

"Do you feel well Y/N?" Diane picked up a lock of your hair as you looked at nothingness.

”I'm a little worried," you said looking at the table now  "Can I ask for some advice?”

”You know you can Y/N" Jared saw you even more worried.

"What should I do if I like someone I shouldn't like?" Dress up Jared.

"Does he have a girlfriend or is he a fuck boy?" Diane asked pretty quickly.

"None, it's just...”

”Then I see no reason why you shouldn't like it."

”It's not that, but, he's like, I don't know how to say this" You didn't want to tell them that he was your thermodynamics professor, you would never actually do it. "I met him some time ago in the cinema, he's cute and kind to me, but he's older than me” you lied a little about it.

"How much are we talking about?”

"14 years, I think" you've never actually asked him about his age, but on one occasion while you were typing on his computer you saw his college professor card that had all his data on it by the way.

”Look at that, my best friend a whole league men" Diane actually got excited, started asking you what he was like and if you had already had something with him which was pretty strange, but Jared's expression wasn't really emotional.

"I can only tell you to be very careful Y/N" Jared took your hand " Do not let the pretty words lead you down a path other than the one you seek. And well, if he like you and you like him, I see no problem”

The weekend you thought about the kiss his gave, it was quite nice really nice, you had only had three boyfriends before and honestly their kiss had been better than all the previous ones. The problem was what were you going to do on Monday when you see him? Well that day you decided to wear a pink dress that your mother given you at Christmas, you never wore this type of clothes so it was going to be something quite new, you combed your hair differently even, you knew that if you were at least going to talk to him and he told you that it was a mistake he would miss something great.

Your legs started shaking when you walked into the classsroom, you sat as usual in the third row, Tom wasn't there yet, so that calmed you down a little more. You noticed that in this class you had not made friends, so to avoid the panic of seeing him in the eyes when he entered in the classroom you preferred to start talking to the girl who always sat next to you.

"He took a while, didn't it?" you smiled so you didn't look crazy.

"Yes something, but for me no problem" the girl smiled as well

"My name is Y / N, and you?”

"Meghan, you're going with the teacher Fox in relativity, aren't you?”

"Yeah, you too?”

"No but my boyfriend does, I've seen you come out of there when I expect it”

"Well, I don't really know many people.”

"Well, college is exhausting," they both smiled, actually Meghan seemed like a pretty nice girl.

"Speaking of the king of Rome, he's arrive." When she said that and you heard the door shut, fear invaded you, so you didn't look at him. You just focused on your computer monitor, but you knew he saw you.

The class felt as if it had lasted 20 minutes and not an hour and a half, the desire to leave was enough.

"Hey if you want we could have breakfast together today, apparently you don't have class now either, do you?" Meghan waited for you to put your things away.

"Of course I would love to and no, I don't have class” You fully appreciated that Meghan will not leave you in the classroom, without looking at Tom you went out with your new friend, you felt that had been a bit cruel, but the nerves were worse.

At the end of the day you didn't do anything about it and neither did Wednesday and apparently Tom wasn't interested in asking you to stay and talk either, or so it seemed.

On Friday you returned to the usual routine with the usual clothes and hairstyle, honestly you no longer felt in the mood to waste time on those things. The class went on normally until at one point you crossed eyes with him, it was a bit strange, but you pretended you didn't care and ignored him after a few seconds. At the same time in the classes you talked with Meghan, even going out to eat the cafeteria.

"Y/N can we talk for a second?"Back to being alone with him in the classroom at the end, Meghan said goodbye and whispered you in your ear that she will waiting for you in the cafeteria.

"Hey I didn't want to overdo you, let alone bother you, I apologize for it and also if you no longer want to work on the project I will fully understand it” His face seemed that he was really sorry about last week.

"I really don't know what to say." You were completely honest.

"I'm sorry I should have known that you're not interested in me at all and it's okay”

"I never said I wasn't interested”

He calmly checked the hallway and closed the classroom door

"You ran away, that tells me otherwise”

"Yes, but that's was I panicked, I didn't want to bother you”

"For God's sake, that doesn't matter anymore.”

"It does matter and quite”

"You want to talk about this then?”

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner”

"So am I, excuse me too” he hesitated for a second when he finally asked," Do you want to continue with the project?”

"Of course I do" You got a little closer to him.

"See you at 15: 00 then" He too approached and carefully kissed your hand to leave the classroom.

This time you arrived early, your teacher had let them out forty minutes earlier, so you decided to be somewhat punctual to your appointment. You read while you waited sitting on the chairs in the hallway, when you saw him come you smiled and he when saw you, smiled too.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you were going to arrive so early” he closed the door carefully and just as he turned around you gave him a pretty long kiss and he reciprocated broadly.

"I'm sorry" You saw that he was actually happy about it "I think last time we couldn't finish it"

He held your face in his hands for a few seconds "I like you Y/N, I know what's not right, I know this not right, but fuck, I like you a lot”

”And you me" He kissed you again, this time a little rough, it seemed that he wanted to make his statement clear. ”I really wanted to kiss you in front of everybody on Monday in that cute dress."

"If you like it I can bring it more days," you winked.

After that day working on the project was much more fun, and even in the classes they shared gazes from time to time, it felt good, had passed enough time that you did not date someone. On the other hand, sometimes fear invaded you, you knew that if anyone found out about whatever it was you and Tom had, it was the end of your scholarship and even your college life.

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"Do you like lobster?"He asked you while making notes on the computer and you cleaned the board.

"I've never eaten it"

“What? How can you live without eating lobster in your life?" He came up to you and, holding you by the waist, turned you towards him.

"Well, we're not all millionaires so I can't buy lobster." You inadvertently smeared chalk in his hair when you touched him.

"Then I'll buy you lobster dinner. What do you say?" He caressed your face as he waited for your answer

"Mmmm, when?”

"Tomorrow, I'd wait a few blocks from here, you don't want anyone to see you getting in my car, do you?”

"I'd love for them to, but yes, send me the instructions and I'll see you there then.”

"Why would you love it?"He kissed your neck calmly.

"That they might see that you are mine" You smiled mockingly.

"Well, I mean you're mine too, so it would be a fair deal.”

For weeks now both were texting, it was interesting to see that teachers also have a life apart from teaching.

You dressed up, not so formal or so casual for the occasion, it was the first date you had, it felt a little strange, you wore on a low-cut black dress, something daring for your tastes, but it was the most suitable thing you found. When you arrived at the rendezvous point, you immediately identified his car.

“I can't believe how perfect you are, " he gave you a sweet kiss while you fixed your skirt so it wouldn't wrinkle. He came as always very formal.

The dinner was perfect, you did not know that the lobster tasted that way, you liked it a lot, the place was beautiful, the waiters very attentive and well, talking with Tom about things that were not thermodynamics was pleasant. In the end he invited you to his apartment, which you sincerely hoped was not just with the intention of kissing you.

When they arrived his apartment looked like a palace, it was very nice, very cozy, his kitchen was comfortable enough to cook anything, your apartment was too small for a kitchen like him.

He told you that he should make some calls, that you could explore the house if you wanted and you took his word, it was very nice place, in the hallway to the bedroom had his medals and recognitions, you did not know that he studied chemistry too, he's a genius. When you finished walking, you looked in the fridge for something to drink.

"Want some wine?"Because of its height it was much easier to reach the shelves above where it seemed to have the bottles of wine.

”I would love to"

He served two glasses in half, it was red wine with a very good smell, you knew it because your father was a wine lover, so much so that he had even taken you to vineyards to see how they did it.

"May I?"You asked, pointing out if you could play something on the record player in the room.

“Clear”

When yo put the pen on the record a fairly quiet song began to play, he took the cup out of your hand and put it on the ledge next to his, placed his hand on your waist and with the other he held your hand, you placed yours on his neck.

“Would you laugh if I told you it's the first time I've danced with someone? well, that someone who is not my father invites me to dance”

"Really?”

"Yeah, well I had a boyfriend that I took out to dance, that's why it doesn't count,” you laughed as you remembered that.

"Well, what an idiot, you are beautiful Y/N and I will dance with you as many times as possible”

You felt a lot of peace in his arms, he was much stronger than you, that was clear, but even just seeing him in the eyes you felt that everything was going to be okay. You weren't very good at dancing, but he gave you the confidence to even make a mistake.

For a moment he began to kiss you slowly, slowly while the music echoed to both of us, then he began to kiss your neck which in a way tickled you, but at the same time made you want it with all your soul. After a few seconds as his hands ran through your hips and yours his hair whispered into his ear: "Take me to the bedroom" you stared at him and he understood completely.

He carried you so easily that it seemed that you did not weigh anything, carefully put you in bed and wait for you reaction.

"For God's sake, I want to make you mine from the moment I saw you at that fucking science fair contest.”

"Well now is your time" You bit your lip slightly.

He knew you were too small in comparison to him, so he was very careful when touch you, first he started by your dress, very slowly unbuttoning it. He look you in your underwear the moment he managed to take it off you. On the other hand, you, in a somewhat desperate way, started to take off his belt.

"No, until I say so" Their gaze turned a bit dark, they could see the desire for each other in your eyes.

He started kissing your crotch carefully, you moaned slightly, you had no intimate contact with anyone for a long time, so you somehow didn't remember how glorious this feels. He kept kissing getting closer to your entrance, the heat began to flood your body, after walking your thighs he began to lick your entrance a little desperate, but at the same time touching the exact points to make you see stars. He put two fingers inside you and immediately your back curled, when he entered the third in you pulled his hair as you began to feel the heat in your stomach increase more and more.

”Tom, please, I'm almost there" you moaned as your eyesight began to blur completely.

His fingers began to move faster and for an instant you felt like the heat flooded your whole body, it was the first time that someone managed to make you come with oral sex. You pulled his hair back, but it didn't seem to bother him, even taking it as a way to know where or not to continue. Your legs clenched at the feeling and he proudly began to undress. When you saw it you felt that you really needed to have he inside you, his axis was quite large, more than you imagined and its well worked body made you feel needed.

"Fuck me like there's no tomorrow," you whispered as you recovered from the first round.

You felt the desire going between your legs, again you were so wet just to imagine he inside you.

"You know that if I hurt you or if you want me to stop I will do it immediately” He placed on you and spread your legs with his knee.

You just nodded, he was staring at you as he began to insert his shaft into you, it hurt a bit, tears started running down your cheeks and Tom's face looked worried, "Do you want me to stop?”

"No!" To drown the groans you hid your face on his shoulder as he began to take a rhythm in his onslaught, at one point the pain ceased and he took a stronger rhythm, one after another, you felt as your body began to attach quite well to its axis, to the degree that you glued more your hips to his, demanding more. When he noticed it one of his hands took the headboard and with the other placed one of your legs on his shoulder to give you what you needed. At some point he also started moaning, loud and deep, which made you feel even more excited in the middle of it all.

”Fuck, why are you so perfect?" he whispered into your ear as you began to feel your orgasm was about to bloom.

"Make me yours, only yours" you moaned almost without strength.

"You are only mine" His onslaught, although it seemed that you could not, began to be faster and deeper, you knew that sitting was going to be a challenge for you in the following days.

To drown your groans he gave you a very deep kiss, his tongue did all the work in the kiss, honestly for you it was a sea of sensations that would end you unconscious of pleasure. Just as they both reached the climax he saw you in the eyes and felt you fade away in sobs and moans.

”I'm almost there" he said as he clung even more to you and your legs began to close with pleasure.

"Me too" Didn't know if you understood what you meant, but at least you were trying.

"Let me feel you" His words were your release and his, you felt the heat of his seed inside you and it was enough for your orgasm to reach the necessary point of feeling a deep warmth throughout your body. The veins on her neck were too marked and you could also feel her breathing so heavy as she enjoyed her release.

He was over you for several minutes, the only thing you could hear in the room was his busy, deep breaths. You hugged him fondly and he hugged you, when he came out of you you felt a pretty weird void, but fuck, it was the best sex you'd ever had in your life.

After his breaths managed to take a moderate course he saw you in the eyes as he groomed your hair carefully.

”I didn't want to be too brusque the first time" His hand caressed your stomach, internally you told yourself that if this was not brusque you didn't imagine the next time how sore you would end up, but it's something that really excited you, in every way.

"We'll have many more times to do it" You smiled and planted a kiss on his lips. "Many more" smiled in the middle of the kiss which made you adore him even more.

Thanks for readign me 

[kickthecan-revolution]

I don’t hate a lot of things but I truly hate the cutesy way Tumblr communicates to its users. It is so condescending and disrespectful - its forced whimsy and I hate forced whimsy about as much as I hate “forced fun” at showers, parties and camp. 

I sat in the sun today for a few hours after watering and an early trip to Corte Madera to look at some patio furniture and now my face is on fire. I came home early and started working on a big presentation which was good, as my boss asked for it tonight and we review it in the morning. I also am prepping for my conversation with J. I am going to stay super positive because the changes -  while hard emotionally for him - are great for his career. 

I texted my brother Happy Father’s Day and then again to my niece’s husband who is so wonderful. I spoke to my dad and all he did was obsess on his living options and where was he going to go and what about mom - he is in some cognitive dementia loop, he’s confused and can’t track. I about snapped at him and just breathed deeply through the whole thing. He then proceeded to call me four more times. And then my sister texted, asking if I’d spoken to him (she clearly didn’t, I asked if she tried and she didn’t respond). She went on and on about how she’s so jealous of her ex’s new wife and her new restaurant he financed, and all of his kids went to brunch at their house and honestly, it sounded lovely. She’s so bitter and in a loop of her own; she said “God I need to heal from this” to which I replied yes, if you don’t it’s going to rob you of the life you have left. 

I’m over it. I’m sitting here working after dealing with a father you can’t bother to call because you are so focused on yourself. Breathe Breathe Breathe. 

*********

When I was little - maybe 10 - I remember my dad pulling my sister hard out of her room. I remember him making some gross comment about  her breasts in a picture saying she could be in Playboy and feeling sick. He was constantly drunk, on a boat out in the Puget Sound, he was so drunk that he couldn’t get the boat motor to turn on and we were drifting into the Alaska Shipping Line.  I remember a massive container ship and how loud the booming horns where, how high the waves were. We barely missed it. His dad - whose dad before him threw acid on his face when he was angry - called him stupid as a nickname when he was little and beat him severely. 

My dad heard him suffocating on his own bile/phlegm (he was ill) one night when they were all asleep, and did nothing. He let him die. 

He was traumatized by nuns in Catholic school. He was going to law school when he met my mom but flunked out because he had such anxiety over tests. My mom who was so obsessed with high society ended up marrying a printing salesman who eventually got fired for something - maybe an affair with his secretary, my mom said there were several - and started his own printing company. My mom had to go to work as a delivery driver and she never forgave him. They found a piece of property and bought it and built a big house they dreamed of that addressed their own lack of self and desperate need to “be something”, but that they couldn’t afford, and embezzled money from the company to survive. 

My first memory of my dad was sobbing because he didn’t want to do this father-daughter thing called “Indian Princesses” with me. He did it with my sister and we went a few times, but my mom had to break the news to me that he didn’t want to go. I sobbed on the couch, so confused. In grade school I was this crazy great athlete - he would get so frustrated if I asked him to give me a ride anywhere and once he had to stay with me during a volleyball game. I looked up and he was reading a book. He and I would go to dinner sometimes when I was little but I think I was just a person who could sit with him while he drank. He was a functional alcoholic, never drank at work but at nights and on weekends. He was terrifying and menacing - he beat us with a belt (though I have no recollection of it) and his footsteps coming down the hall were so terrifying, I’d hide in my closet or pretend I was asleep. He got drunk and said some truthful but honest things to my moms family, causing her fragile and essential connection to her sister to snap. I remember swimming on his back when I was little, little, little. That is my only memory of engaging him positively.

One spring, my sister got a husky puppy and then had to go work in Alaska that summer - he didn't like the puppy so he just dropped it off in a neighborhood with a bunch of kids when she was gone. Her name was Kiska. When he came home and told us what he’d done, I got the courage up in my 9-year old body and went on to the deck where he was drinking and told him how horrible of a thing it was that he’d done. He said “well you can go to hell.” and he meant it, I felt it. 

After some kind incident with my mom where she’d be sobbing in a locked room somewhere, my brother and I would always pump each other up and one of us would go in and scream at him. We were terrified but my God, we were so fucking brave. He’d come watch us play tennis sometimes though I never expected it; he’d drive away quickly if we lost. He got so drunk that he fell asleep on the freeway and got a few DUIs - forced into treatment, I remember hugging him when he got back, aware of how performative it was. Sobriety did not last long. 

Through high school, I had to get a ride with him every morning. It wasn’t that we didn’t talk - I wasn't there. We did not say one word - he was so focused on what was in his mind, I didn’t exist. He didn’t ask me one question about myself in those car rides - ever. That’s when I would be so focused on other men driving, noticing me. The worst part is when he’d drop me off, he’d say “give me a kiss”. and I had to. I cannot express how much I hated it, a block away I’d have the door partially open so I could pretend I didn’t hear him. Sometimes I’ve wondered if that was a form of sexual abuse. 

The worst part of it was the power that he had. We’d be watching MASH at dinner and he’d come in and say curtly “I want to watch the news”. He’d not ask - we had no power to stop it. And then he’d kick us out of the family room because he wanted to watch porn. He was gross and the rage sat in my throat, unspoken. Years later, a therapist asked me about my dad and my throat froze up. It’s all so dark and deep and unspoken. My throat hurts just writing this. 

When my sister and brother left the house, things got really bad. Their business tanked and they were desperate. I basically did not exist to them, I made myself small and invisible. One particular weekend, my mom was screaming she was going to kill herself and needed to see a doctor, her migraine was so bad, and I ran into my dad’s den - where he was constantly - and told him we had to take her to the hospital. He got so angry and when he came into her room she said “oh no, please don’t let her take me to the hospital!” I think I kind blacked out in my room. 

He ceased to exist in college - I don’t think I ever spoke to him once. He didn’t reach out once, thoroughly involved in himself. My mom took a pilgrimage to Medjugorje and did experience some healing (thank you Mary), and he went back with her. They took a suitcase of mine where I had accidentally left a book called Blessed Be the Addicts. They thought I had added it on purpose which was the first moment we started this fake dance of me caring for him.

When in church, he listened to a homeless man behind him singing and after Mass, told him how beautiful of a singing voice he had. 

He loved our dog Sandy and when she died, my brother had to take him to the vet and put him to sleep. My dad cried for days in bed.  My poor brother. My broken dad. 

He lost half of their retirement in shorting the market. He got glaucoma but didn’t treat it. I spent a good deal of my childhood and adulthood as my mother’s advocate, hating him for making her life so empty and miserable. One day I came home to them playing basketball in the pool and my immediate reaction was how she had betrayed me. 

He wants to reconcile with his younger brother, they are estranged, but ends up screaming at him. His older brother killed himself. 

He had moments of real kindness and compassion. He also is incapable of deceit and what you see is absolutely what you get. 

And the rest is the rest. It’s what I do now. 

Happy Father’s Day to all of the men who I’d watch so longingly with their daughters - to my friend Gina P’s dad who held her hand as we looked for restaurants for our Tolo dates, he drove us all around to pick the best one, and held her hand as they walked. I stared at them walking hand in hand, confused and shocked, longing for something I didn’t even understand, freaked out he was actually driving us around. Happy Father’s Day to Mindy M’s dad, who came down to the living room where we were, sat on the sofa and massaged her feet asking how her relationship with God was. The kindness. I would be such a quiet observer in these families, knowing I was betraying mine by wanting what they had so I could never linger long. Happy Father’s Day to the youth group counselor who at one point as I sobbed, put my head on his lap and just stroked my hair while saying “You are profoundly OK”.  Happy Father’s Day to my brother whose opinion means so much to me. 

I remember a vivid dream I had when I was in college. That I was sitting in the den with my entire family, leading them through the last years of my parents’ lives. Calmly, rationally. I was so shocked by it but that was a premonition that’s come true. And, there are oceans of grief and rage. 

There won’t be any men, as the ones I choose are so terrible and hurt me so badly. I can’t love them, I only know how to need them, and water seeks its own level. There won’t be sex, as it makes me so anxious, I physically can’t do it, my vaginal walls contract. It’s not fixable. And it’s OK. 

There will be only relief when he is gone. Some sadness. And, peace knowing that I was a decent human being in the end and the hope that I am breaking at least some of these generational bonds.

[moral-turpitudes]

College Headcanons: Modern!Peaky Blinders Edition

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: This came to me in a dream. Enjoy. 

Thomas Shelby:

Double Major: Political Science and Business Management (bc he likes to work himself to death) Minor: Military Sciences/ROTC

Likes debating and trying to outsmart the professor.

Often seen on campus with bloody knuckles from rocking someone’s jaw.

Would 100% punch a motherfucker for being mean to someone he cares about.

Doesn’t need to be in a fraternity to be known around campus, just don’t mess with him and you’ll be fine.

All the girls whisper as he walks by but he don’t give a fuck cuz he has to go to his lectures.

He’s on time for every class and pulls out his pocket watch if the professor is more than 5 minutes late. If the professor can’t bother showing up then he dips out.

Almost got suspended for one too many fist fights.

Has a “thing” for the barista at the campus Starbucks. He learned after frequent visits, that her name was Grace and that she liked black coffee just like him.

Mysterious and moody af. No one knows if they’ve ever seen him smile, except when chatting up Grace.

Tries his best to study, but ends up getting dragged into his siblings shenanigans or into his head about the family business.

Keeps to himself for the most part, except for having a few close friends.

Hates technology so he uses a typewriter and prefers receiving letters/mail over emails.

Can’t figure out how to use Grace the baristas phone when typing in his number and tells her to write it down instead.

Often tells her to meet him after her shift. 😏

Professors hate him because of his reliance on paper. Totes not eco-friendly but he doesn’t care. Tommy always gets his way.

Grace always gives him a cookie for free cuz she knows he forgets to eat.

Always seen smoking or sneaking drinks of whiskey in a flask, even at 7am lectures.

Binge drinks on weekends with his bros, and drunk calls barista Grace when he has maybe 3 working brain cells left for the night. On other weekends when he’s coherent, he meets with Polly and tries to discuss business plans since their dad dipped out like a bitch.

To make matters worse, after dating for a while, Grace just leaves him. He thinks his aunt Polly may have been too hard on her, but he didn’t know until later that she lied when she said she didn’t know about the business. But barista bitch knew everything, and was gonna expose them to her higher-ups in the criminal justice department before long.

Arthur Shelby:

Major: Agriculture Minor: Military Science/ROTC

Graduated just barely.

Ended up in some trouble with his peeps in the military science department, probs for cussing someone out.

Angry, loud, and emotional af.

Loved drinking with John and his frat boy friends.

No one messed with him if they valued their life.

Started one too many fights and got suspended for reals. Almost beat a man to death but we don’t talk about that.

He gets stressed really easily so in his free time he draws horses.

When he gets real mad he takes it to the campus boxing ring and punches to his hearts content.

On his way back to his dorm one night he saw a girl who was in his agriculture class. She was cute and also in a “Christian” ministry group on campus. He decided to chat her up when she was preaching, just to see what it was about.

They later dated but then she cheated around with a fellow churchy man and just went off the rails. When he found out it wasn’t pretty.

Her friends and pastor most likely shamed her cuz she be ✨sinning✨. Therefore not helping her mental state.

Her name was Linda. Never trust a Linda.

Everyone tried to console Arthur but only boxing and drinking at Johns frat house did the trick.

Tommy often had to run to his dorm in the middle of the night to talk him out his mental breakdowns. College is hard.

In the end, he was glad he did agriculture even if his crazy ex would constantly stare at him during lectures, probably plotting his demise.

Some days he’d take out his frustrations by chopping wood and helping out on the farm where he worked and studied most days.

But you bet your ass fuckin’ Linda showed up to his dorm one time though with a gun and tried to shoot him, but she didn’t know his brothers and aunt were there too. Polly may have shot her in the arm tho. But when the campus PD showed up shit really went down.

We don’t know where Linda is now, but that’s probs for the best.

John Shelby:

Major: Music (idk I felt like he’s a musical boi) Minor: Military Science/ROTC

He’s a frat boy through and through. He drops it low on the dance floor and is known to dive onto beer pong tables.

Constantly going to parties and hooking up with sorority girls, that is until he meets a girl named Esme who’d been dragged to the party by her friends.

Suddenly he ain’t no hoe no more, he’s head over boots in love with her and she loves him too.

They be sneaking around in various buildings, often having to make a run for it to escape security.

He’d play her songs after hard training days with his military buds cuz it helps him calm down.

He’s not as violent as his older brothers, but he’ll fuck a person up if needed.

His fraternity is the second most important thing to him besides his girl. He loves the energy of the fraternity, the partying, and acting a whole fool with his friends, but Esme has him whipped.

His studies are struggling though cuz he loves to get turnt. He hates the studying aspect of college.

Always getting his brothers into trouble.

Snorts coke off Esme’s tits on occasion at the frat parties. It’s a wild time.

Has the mouth of a sailor but a heart of gold.

Talks of kids with Esme after dating for a year. Can’t afford a ring yet tho, but their bud Jeremiah marries them anyway on a whim.

After Arthur and the Grace fiasco ensues, he drops out of college because Esme falls pregnant. In the end, she ends up getting the chickens and wild cottage!core house she’d always wanted. They both decide to raise their kids there, living their best lives until Tommy drags them into more family matters later on.

Ada Shelby:

Major: English Minor: Gender & Women’s Studies

Always seen in the most stylish clothes.

She’s quiet most times but can be very knowledgeable on various subjects.

She’s constantly going off on her older brothers and trying to smack some sense into them.

Feels like something is off with the barista Tommy’s been seeing, but it’s not her problem.

Can 100% find her chilling in the back of Starbucks reading old novels or writing literature reviews.

When she’s not there, she’s holed up in the library where she works part time, studying and practicing for debates.

10/10 would fuck in the library cuz she knows all the best secret places to go to. 😏

Organizes meetings with different campus associations and demands equality for students.

Spends her free time surfing the net for clothes or keeping an eye out for a potential new bae.

Is probably the best at studying. She earns the best grades let’s be honest.

Will not hesitate to call a bitch out. She may not throw hands but she’ll throw words that can cut you like a knife.

Works for the campus paper, spilling all the tea on campus life. Her brothers often reluctantly agree to be her mock interview subjects for a range of assignments.

She breaks necks when walking around campus, everyone moves out of their way for her.

She’s a bad bitch.

Finn Shelby:

Major: Photography Minor: English

He hates how violent his brothers are but would 10/10 back them up if needed.

Often asks Ada for advice on studying and girls.

Doesn’t like the frat boy scene like John, but goes to the parties anyways with his best friends Isiah and Bonnie.

He’s a freshman and you can tell. He still has a glimmer of life in his eyes and a pep in his step as he walks around campus.

When he’s not taking pictures for class, he’s taking pictures of his girlfriend.

She’s his muse even when doing the simplest of things like sitting in a chair or reading one of his English books.

Each week he’d surprise her with a picture he took when she wasn’t looking, telling her how beautiful she is.

He may not look strong, but after many nights at the boxing ring with Arthur, he knew how to throw a punch.

He almost flunked his studies a couple times, getting too caught up in partying or being with his girl, but Ada and his Aunt Polly set him straight.

Voted by his family as most likely to not get arrested or suspended from college.

He’d have deep conversations with his friends, often confusing them because it was just that deep.

In his spare time he’d go boxing with Arthur or would try to help Tommy with his essays, but Tommy would get frustrated and tell him to fuck off within the first 10 minutes.

Polly Gray:

Profession: Business Management Professor Side Job: Managing the blinder business with Tommy

When she’s not teaching class, she’s managing the blinder business that was left to her and Tommy to tackle. This also means covering up any suspicions that arise on campus. She has her hands full.

She’s Tommy’s only shred of common sense some days when he gets too stressed out from his 10,000 majors and minors, or wants to plan to overthrow the university.

Will not hesitate to slap someone, preferably her unruly nephews.

Anyone can lie to her but the truth always falls through the cracks, and when she finds out, you’d pray you faced the devil instead.

In her spare time she reads tea leaves and prays for the corrupt souls of her son and his cousins. She really just begs to god that they can come together for once to get the business in line, but even that may be asking too much.

Knows a snake when she sees one. *cough* *cough* Grace the barista.

She’s the first one to tell someone I told ya so, especially her students when they flunk her tests because they decided to get drunk the night before.

When she’s not yelling at her nephews or grading papers, she can be seen at the local bar chatting up coworkers and old flames, hoping to find “the one” eventually. She ends up having a “thing” for the quirky Philosophy professor though. He’s kind of shady cuz she finds out he’s in a similar business on the side, but it only makes her like him more. She craves the danger.

They later end up in a whirlwind romance similar to John and Esme, and everyone loves that for them.

She can also be seen with her head in her hands when trying to persuade Tommy to use technology.

“What is copy and paste Pol? Can’t I just write it down? What’s up with all these gadgets aye?”

“If you want your hand to fall off and to make me lose my mind, then yes, write it down. Grading is bloody hard enough as it is, let alone grading your papers. You’re just like your father ya know, always doing things the hard way.”

Tells Gina off when she gets the chance just like she did Grace. She didn’t shoot her like Linda though, she just hurt some feelings.

May have aided in Grace’s “sudden” departure…maybe…just a little bit.

Secretly ships Tommy with a woman named Lizzie who had been her assistant at her office. She knew she could trust her more, at least.

Despite her harshness, she’s just trying to keep her family from completely fucking up their lives.

Michael Gray:

Major: Accounting Minor: Business Management

Like Tommy, he doesn’t get the hype of fraternities so he just hangs out with his cousins or his small circle of friends, they aren’t saints though.

His mom, Polly is his business management professor. She always calls on him and gives him a hard time when he spaces out in class.

Is often seen around campus with a few friends or his girlfriend Gina who he met in business class. They’re sickening and it was like a whirlwind romance tbh.

He usually finds himself cleaning up his cousin’s messes when it comes to fighting, but if he has to throw some punches he will.

He’s not as impulsive when it comes to matters of business, but where matters of the heart are concerned that’s another story.

When the blinders and Polly were all at her house for dinner one night he announced he was going to marry Gina. Arthur and John laughed and Tommy smirked slightly, still butt-hurt after his Grace left him for little-to-no reason. Ada grinned and bared the news whilst Polly nearly smacked him on the head.

People didn’t dare mess with him, and that went for all his cousins as well.

He spent a majority of his days in class crunching numbers, and most his nights out with the boys getting drunk or fuckin’ with Gina.

Because his mom held him accountable, his grades rivaled Ada’s causing them to get into some friendly competition at times.

He’s cunning like Tommy though. He got into many a screaming match with the older blinder after trying to take over his position in the family business. It ended in some black eyes and Polly smacking both of them with her newspaper. He knew better than to mess with the devil himself.

Despite the tensions between the cousins at times, he’s always the one they go to when they can’t figure out their math homework, and he’d always have to meet one of them in the library at 3 am to smuggle in some cocaine and a drink to keep them studying.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, March 22

Buffy: Anya and, and Xander are in trouble? Tara: Oh! No, I-I said that all wrong. It was nothing. Willow and Anya were sort of fighting, and then Xander kind of snapped at both of them and he left. Buffy: He left? Xander left Anya? Tara: Ummm ... no, not "left her" left her, he just left. It was only a little thing, it- Buffy: Little thing? (tearfully) See, the thing is, the ... little things get bigger, you know, and, and, and, and, if you don't catch the little thing and then, boom! You have this, this, this whole huge thing! Tara: Oh dear. Buffy: Not, not, not them with the little things! They can't break up! Tara: Oh, I think- Buffy: They have a beautiful love. Tara: I think they'll be fine.

~~Buffy Season 5 Episode #89: "Triangle"~~

The Sunnydale Herald is looking for at least one new editor! Contributing to the Herald is a great way to get your Buffy on! Find out more here.

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

I'm (Buffy, G) by Evil_Little_Dog

No One Asks For Their Life to Change, Not Really (Spike/Reader, M) by Paskeleton

[Chaptered Fiction]

Dawn of the Future Ch. 12 (Faith/Dawn, Buffy/OC, T) by Brenna's Urbangirl Projects

The Vampire as Metaphor Ch. 40 (Spike, G) by regertz

Take Your Straight Line For A Curve CH. 5 (Buffy/Angel, T) by butimbroken

The Ratchet Effect Ch. 9 (Ensemble, T) by michael t

A Letter From The Grave, Chapter 3 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Grief Counseling

Aprés, Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Ninereeds

Across Ages, Chapter 18 (Buffy/Spike, M) by Isabeau

[Images, Audio & Video]

Giles by but-theres-wolves

Drusilla by but-theres-wolves

Video: Buffy: Into the Slayerverse () by Trevor Carlee

[Reviews & Recaps]

What can I say? I flunked the written. by the-normie

PUBLICATION: BOOM!'s Buffy the Last Vampire Slayer #4 Comic Review by CBR

PUBLICATION: by

[Community Announcements]

Come Patrol the graveyards with us on Discord! Streams, events, giveaways, good conversation, and more. by Buffyverse

Hey, did you know West of the Storm has a fb page? by sleepingtigress24

[Fandom Discussions]

30 Days of Buffy Challenge 21. Favorite Xander Harris Quote by frankierose

ALSO thinking about how in Restless Willow refers to Giles as Rupert by drowning-in-you-summers

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[ladylynse]

Chapter 6 [FF | AO3] of Down the Rabbit Hole: Wirt had heard a lot of stories about college, but somehow, he still wasn’t prepared for one of his roommate’s crazy friends to smuggle a hatchet into their dorm room.

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Toby had hung up without giving more of an explanation, but from the look in Wendy’s eyes, Wirt knew she didn’t need one.

“You grab the kit from the kitchen,” Jazz said. “I’ll get the one from under my bed. Danny, there’s one in the top drawer under the bathroom sink.”

“On it,” he said, not questioning why they would possibly think they’d need three first aid kits between the two of them.

When they were all back with the kits and Wendy was pulling on her shoes, Wirt saw Danny glance at Jazz and Jazz’s answering nod. “Wirt and I can catch up,” she said without even looking at him for confirmation even though they were all gathered near the doorway now. “Wendy?”

Wendy paused long enough to look at Danny. “If it’s safe for me, then yes.”

“You’ll be fine,” Danny said, handing Wendy the other two first aid kits when she finished getting her shoes on. She cradled them against her chest as he picked her up with ease—how the heck was he so strong when he looked so slight?—and then they vanished.

Just like Danny had back in the library.

“H…how—?” Wirt could see Danny being able to do that with himself. Lab accident. Okay. Fine. But with Wendy?

They hadn’t even opened a window, let alone a door, but Wirt knew they were already gone.

“Lab accident,” Jazz said, as if that explained everything. “That was your next show of proof, by the way. Now come on. They’ll be there by the time we get out the door at this rate.”

“When…when you talked about Danny flying in earlier,” Wirt said as Jazz shooed him out the door and locked it behind them, “was that supposed to be literal?”

“I would’ve meant it literally even if I had meant on a plane,” she said, which Wirt supposed was answer enough. He just….

“What else can your brother do?”

Jazz was already heading down the stairs, but she glanced back without missing a step. “How much research did you do on Amity Park?”

“Um….”

“Just give me the cliffnotes version.”

“It’s a nice place to live?”

“I’m serious.”

“Ghosts attacks are common.”

Jazz made an irritated noise and started moving faster, forcing Wirt to take the stairs two at a time to keep up with her. “Read anything about our town’s protector?”

“The ghost hunters, you mean? Your family?”

There was a beat before Jazz answered, “I don’t just mean Mom and Dad.” He joined her on the landing, and she immediately turned and led the way out the door, setting off at a quick clip for the residence hall he and Toby had been assigned.

“The other one, then?” He had to practically jog to keep up with her. This was ridiculous. This was not a fast walk, whatever she made it appear to be. “The one with the jet sled?”

“I’m talking about Phantom.”

“So there really is a ghost that fights other ghosts?”

“Yes.”

“And that matters right now because—?”

“Danny Phantom.”

“What?”

“That’s his name. Danny Phantom.”

“So—?”

“My brother is not very original.”

“What does Danny have to—?” Wirt broke off as Jazz’s meaning sunk in.

This had to be a joke. She couldn’t seriously mean that.

Even if it would explain her brother’s cryptid remarks earlier. And the reason he could turn invisible and get into locked room and apparently fly.

But…but Danny was solid. Real. Wirt had touched him, seen him touch other very real, very solid objects. Jazz’s brother couldn’t be some spirit clinging to this world after a tragic lab accident, however dramatic he’d tried to make that seem. Ghosts weren’t tangible—

—except in Amity Park.

“Danny’s dead?” Wirt hissed.

“Not exactly.”

That made even less sense.

“So he’s a demon?”

There really wasn’t another option. Plus, it might be the real reason Jazz never came to any of Wendy’s apocalypse training sessions with them. Wendy wasn’t big on demons. Not that Wirt would have expected her to be, but—

“No.”

Okay, he was completely lost now. “Then what the heck is he?”

“Just think of him as a human with ghost powers. It’ll be a lot easier on your head.”

“How is that supposed to be easier?”

“Do you really want me to launch into a spiel about what I think Danny’s molecular structure looks like right now?”

“I—”

“Because it is all speculation. I haven’t exactly put him under a microscope. I don’t even need to ask him if he’s comfortable with the idea because I know he isn’t. Who would be? We have no reason to believe he’s in any danger; not more than anyone is who does what he does, anyway. He’s stable. He’s not broken. He’s different. That’s not a bad thing.”

“He’s dead.”

“Not dead. And not demonic. Just because that was your experience, doesn’t make it Danny’s. Or mine.”

He’d played along with this whole thing for too long to ask if Jazz really meant that Danny had been the first person to give Phantom a name, hadn’t he? Because somehow being the reason Phantom took the name Danny—whether Danny Fenton gave him that name or if Phantom fancied it and adopted it, in honour of Fenton or not—didn’t explain anything. That would just be wishful thinking, especially after what Jazz had said.

Besides, Wirt knew that things that couldn’t be explained could actually happen.

He had simply never expected that they had genuinely happened to anyone else.

Particularly while they were still in this dimension.

“I just can’t….”

“You wanted to help Toby, didn’t you? So stop saying you can’t. Just roll with it and do the best you can. Life gets weird sometimes. You should’ve learned that by now.”

“I was fifteen!”

“Danny was fourteen.”

There was no way he could argue this like a sane person and actually come out ahead, was there?

Wirt swallowed his retorts, deciding to save his breath as Jazz picked up the pace again. Geez, that girl could run. By the time they got to the residence hall, he could taste blood and was gasping for breath in between coughing fits that somehow made the stabbing, burning pain in his side worse, and she wasn’t even winded.

He was still fumbling for his keys when someone else walked out, giving him a weird look but holding the door long enough for Jazz to grab it. Wirt pretended that his face was flushed only from exertion and not the fact that he was pretty sure that kid lived just down the hall from him and that he’d have to live with the fact that this guy was always going to remember him as this out-of-shape weirdo who—

“Come on. You can catch your breath when we get to your room. Probably.”

Jazz didn’t bother knocking when they got there. The knob turned when she tried it, and she shoved him inside before following and locking the door behind her.

Wirt wasn’t sure what he expected to see when they got there.

Someone injured, sure. That made sense. Toby had asked for a first aid kit.

But somehow, Wirt had never expected that said injured, uh, creature would not be human.

A quick glance told him that Jazz wasn’t the least bit fazed by the giant thing sprawled across Toby’s bed. It looked like it was dressed in armour, too. Without a helmet but with horns. Wirt shuddered, too reminded of the Beast not to immediately think demon despite the vastly different horn type. He looked for Wendy, but she was just perched on his desk, digging through the first aid kits, one balanced on her lap and two open beside her; she showed no signs of going for the hidden hatchet and trying to kill the thing, so that had to be a good sign.

Not that that gave Wirt much of an idea of what the creature was if it wasn’t a demon.

He didn’t really want to ask.

It did explain why someone had covered the window, though. Not so much as a shaft of sunlight was peeking through, so there was no way someone from outside could just happen to glance in and see…that.

“What—?”

“Jim and Claire are hurt,” Toby said, and Wirt tore his eyes away from the beast and finally realized that Jazz stood with Toby over a figure on Wirt’s bed, this one in that purple armour Claire had been wearing.

Was still wearing.

Toby was still wearing his armour, too. Wirt was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining the blood on it. He shivered, suddenly cold despite the fact that he knew he was still sweaty from that run. There was just…so much here he hadn’t known. And that creature….

He hadn’t realized that anything could give him chills like this. Since the Unknown, horror movies and such had never given him the creeps. They weren’t real, and he knew that, so he just never let himself be bothered by it. But this?

This thing was real.

And definitely not human.

And probably not a demon, since Wendy had no problem with it. At least, it wasn’t glowing. Its eyes might be, if they were open, but they weren’t, so—

No. He couldn’t go down that rabbit hole now. This one was bad enough. Wirt swallowed. “Badly?”

“Bad enough,” Wendy said as she hopped off the desk to give Toby whatever she’d been looking for in the kit. “A home stitch job isn’t going to make a concussion go away.”

“Let me, I’ve had a lot of practice,” Jazz said, reaching for something from Wendy. It wasn’t until she’d ripped open the package and fished out the contents that he realized it held sterilized needles. That wasn’t standard for first aid kits, right?

“This is crazy,” Wirt said. “We need to get her to the hospital.” He moved to stand at the end of his bed and tried to ignore the monster who lay on Toby’s in his peripheral vision. He stared at Claire’s armour instead, noting the smoothness of its joints and trying not to see what the others were doing. A quick glance had told him entirely too much. “She needs actual medical care. Last I checked, none of you guys have graduated med school.”

“No, but I’d wager we’re all experts in home treatment,” Wendy said. “Toby never flunked that part of the apocalypse prep courses, if you’ll remember.”

“I thought that was just your idea of first aid on steroids.”

“We don’t need an audience,” Jazz interrupted, and Wirt didn’t need to lift his head to know she hadn’t looked up from threading her needle. “Go help Danny.”

Wirt hadn’t actually seen Danny, so he glanced around the room again. “Where is he? Trying find someone to help?”

“He’s checking over Jimbo,” Toby said quietly. He was still looking over the piece of armour that was jutting out of Claire’s arm. Her arm. Speared by what Wirt could only assume was her own armour, though he couldn’t imagine how. He could see her losing a piece of plate, sure, but having it come back, sharpened to a point and tearing through her flesh— No, he couldn’t think about that right now. He quickly looked away, staring at Toby’s helmetless head instead and realizing how much sweat had plastered down his hair. “He and Claire got it bad. Jim can shake off a lot, but there was some dark magic in this mix.”

“Jim,” Wirt repeated. He remembered that name. “He was that other kid you were close friends with in high school, right? Tall, lanky? I think you raved about his food?” In truth, the last was the only thing Wirt remembered. Toby always raved about Jim’s food. Apparently, he made a mean omelet. “Did you at least drop him at the walk-in clinic or—?”

Toby finally met Wirt’s eyes. He looked…drained. That was the only way Wirt could think to describe it. “He’s on my bed.”

Wait.

What?

Wirt looked. The monster was still very much there. And now that he looked a little higher, he could see Danny hovering above him. Literally hovering. Maybe two feet from the ceiling. He’d paused in whatever examination he’d been doing to stuff his hand in his mouth and try to stifle his laughter, but he lost that battle the moment he realized Wirt had seen him.

“This is a prank,” Wirt said, coming to that conclusion again. That was the only thing that made sense. They’d finally done it. He didn’t know how they’d done, but they’d gotten him good, and he’d admit that. “Good one, guys. You really had me going.”

“This blood isn’t faked,” Wendy said bluntly. “Trust me, Wirt, if we were going to prank you, we’d all be laughing.”

“Sorry,” Danny whispered as he dropped down to Wirt’s eye level. “I just…. When I realized you hadn’t seen me, I couldn’t resist.” The smile dropped off his face as he added, “They’re right, though. This is serious. Definitely worse than the time Sam got hit by some of Skulker’s shrapnel.” His feet finally hit the floor again, and he pointed at the mon—at Jim. “Look at the way the armour impacted. It’s like he ran into a wall. Which he wouldn’t do, because when his eyes are open, they actually function. My guess is Jim has a lot of internal injuries, even with that stoneskin of his. Plus, y’know, the sheer amount of magic it would’ve taken to knock out him out. I’m surprised they were strong enough to bring him back here. He would’ve been dead weight.”

He turned away from Wirt, leaving Wirt to stare at the creature’s—Jim’s?—face and try to see something other than solid stone.

And trying to see the human face of the kid he’d thought had been Toby’s friend Jim in there somewhere.

However, Wirt was not so absorbed that he didn’t hear Danny’s utterly ridiculous question. “You guys can open portals to the Ghost Zone, right?”

How could this be real? It shouldn’t be real. It was even more insane than the Unknown, because he could pretend that that had just been a dream, complete with singing frogs and magical curses and nearly dying ten times over. There was a legitimate nightmarish monster lying on Toby’s bed that was apparently Jim, the amazing cook, and Jazz’s little brother had been floating, and—

“I mean, it doesn’t look like the Shadow Realm,” Toby said slowly. “Have you ever heard a name for it?”

“No,” was the hissed response, and Wirt blinked. He hadn’t realized Claire was conscious, even though he didn’t know who else Toby could have possibly been asking. “Haven’t seen anyone else there. Wouldn’t ask them where we were if I had.”

“Wait,” Wirt said. “What are we pretending happened here?”

“We’re not pretending anything because we’re not telling anyone else,” Wendy said without looking back at him. “But you should be able to guess what happened. Claire came to get Toby because they needed help. It went poorly.”

“Can I just see your staff?” Danny asked. “If I’m right and it does open portals to the Ghost Zone—and I really think I am—then I know someone who might be able to help Jim.”

“I’m willing to try anything. Claire?”

“Yeah.”

“Wendy, can you—?”

“I’ve got you covered,” Wendy said, smoothly swapping places with Toby.

Wirt backed up until he hit the door and tried not to think about how much blood was on Toby’s hands right now. He felt…out of place. More out of place than usual. Even more out of place than he’d felt in the Unknown, and this was the real world.

His friends were all taking this easily, like they’d known each other’s secrets all along, but his gut told him they hadn’t. His gut had been wrong before, admittedly, but this time it was backed up by how Jazz and Wendy had reacted to each other’s bits of dropped knowledge earlier. There had been curiosity and consideration, but there hadn’t been doubt.

“You know how to work that thing, right? I can carry Jim. Heck, I can carry both of you if you can’t manage a portal to a specific spot in the Ghost Zone.”

“Claire’s the one who really knows how to work this thing, not me, and getting back here took enough out of her. I can make it open a portal but I’m not good enough to do a place, especially not to somewhere I haven’t seen.”

“Okay, I can carry you piggyback so I can hold Jim and you can have a hand free to work that staff. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

Toby reached over Claire to grab something from the bed, and Danny…changed.

Wirt had closed his eyes against the bright light, but when he opened them, he recognized Danny Phantom from the pictures he’d seen while researching Amity Park.

“Awesomesauce,” was all Toby said before lifting up some kind of baton that glowed and grew into a staff and—

That was definitely a portal in their room, opening up as quickly as if reality were tissue paper that Toby had just stabbed through with his finger instead of gestured at with that staff.

It was a huge, vividly green portal that pulsed brightly enough to make the overhead light seem dim, and it apparently led into the Ghost Zone, of all places….

Jazz’s little brother, who was none other than Danny Phantom, with Wirt’s armour-wearing and staff-wielding roommate Toby on his back, picked up and cradled the giant monster that was somehow Toby’s friend Jim in his arms before flying all of them through that portal.

It winked out behind them as it had never been there.

“Wirt, Danny put some ice in the bathroom sink. Can you wrap some in a towel and bring it here?”

Where had Danny gotten ice? It wasn’t like this was a hotel and there was an ice machine down the hall or something. The cafeteria was in an entirely different building, but maybe he’d gone there for some. Even if it was winter, there wasn’t exactly a lot of ice or snow outside.

Then again. Danny Phantom. Wirt had a vague recollection of a reference to ice powers.

Wirt moved robotically, trying not to be surprised by the fact that the sink was full of perfect ice cubes that weren’t melting, or at least weren’t melting enough to stick to each other yet, and scooped a handful into a hand towel that he hoped was clean. Those had never gone missing like the socks, but they weren’t always remembered come laundry day, either.

He came out and handed the homemade ice pack to Wendy, trying not to stare at Claire’s pale face or the bruises already beginning to blossom on it. There was no sign of the helmet she’d been wearing earlier, though that cut that came entirely too close to her eye might be the reason for its absence, if someone had gotten in a lucky strike with a spear—

“I’ll be fine,” she hissed between clenched teeth when she noticed him. “I’ve had worse.”

Having had worse didn’t mean she was fine now. She shouldn’t be conscious. Well, she at least shouldn’t be this coherent, shouldn’t be able to read his expression and know his thoughts so easily. Was he really that transparent? Wendy had been worried about a concussion. Maybe—

“Go get some air,” Jazz said. “We don’t need you fainting on us, and we can handle this ourselves.”

He hadn’t been thinking about fainting. If anything, he’d been debating running away from here and just never coming back. This kind of stuff was supposed to be reasonable and stay in dreams and stories instead of invading perfectly logical or rational realities. Or maybe he just needed to talk to someone who wouldn’t judge him for what would sound like wild fantasies. A real therapist, not Jazz.

“Hey, you still with us?”

That was Wendy. She would not appreciate Wirt saying no. “Yeah,” he croaked out.

“Good. Then go. Get yourself a drink. Take a moment for this to sink in. Then you can come back and we can talk.”

He didn’t want to talk.

He didn’t want this to be real.

Why did this have to be real?

The Unknown was just supposed to be a dream. He didn’t want to admit that, yes, he’d actually travelled to another dimension or stumbled into some limbo between life and death or whatever it had been—

Maybe he really was losing it. Maybe none of this was real and it just felt real. Though, if he was delusional, this went way beyond his friends supporting him. This was…. Either this was enabling him or none of this was real and—

“Wirt.” Jazz again. “Seriously. Talk to us. What do you need? Would you rather just lie down for a bit instead?”

Right. Lie down where the monster that was Jim had been. Since that bed was free now that he and Toby and Danny had left through a portal in reality.

“Yeah, he’s not okay.” Wendy. “Hold down the fort. I’m going to wash up and get him out of here.”

He didn’t register that Wendy had moved until she was steering him out the door with still-wet hands. She paused only long enough to close the door behind her before pushing him forward.

It took entirely too long for him to realize that they were going to her favourite hidden corner on campus, a bench on the path that passed the bio and chem buildings that was half-hidden by bushes and trees in a little alcove by the northwest entrance to bio that Wirt had never seen anyone use.

“Sit.”

Wirt sat.

Wendy dropped down beside him. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

There was really no point in lying. Wendy would call him on it. He spoke in short, halting sentences, not so much because he didn’t know what he was thinking as because he wasn’t sure of a sane way of wording any of it. But that was the crux of it, really. Sanity didn’t factor into any of this. So, he just told her the truth, as best he could.

Wendy, being Wendy, never laughed at him. Never denied any of this. Never reassured him that it wasn’t real or that she hadn’t seen what he had.

“Yeah,” she said when he’d stopped for long enough that it was clear to her he didn’t intend to continue. “That about sums it up, I guess.”

“How does this not….” He swallowed and tried again. “Did you know?”

“About what, Jazz and Danny? Not really. I never bothered doing research on her or anything. I just knew she could take care of herself, and that was enough for me. I learned the details when you did.”

“Toby?”

She grimaced. “I knew something was there. I didn’t know it was this big. Trolls weren’t something I’d encountered in Gravity Falls. Don’t get me wrong; they’re probably there. And from what I know about the Gremloblin, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s related.”

“The what?”

She shrugged. “Half-gremlin, half-goblin. Makes you see your worst nightmare if you look it in the eyes. Dipper captured it once. Or at least one of them, if it’s a species and not just a rare hybrid.”

She didn’t look like she was kidding.

Wirt groaned. “This can’t be real life.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow at him. “You are lucky Mabel isn’t here for this conversation or she’d take that as a cue to start singing.” When Wirt didn’t say anything else, she continued, “Look, I know this is a lot. You’ve obviously been in denial for a long time. But if we’re going to be able to help Toby and Claire and Jim, you need to pull yourself together. Like it or not, this is real life. It’s your life, it’s my life, it’s all our messed up lives. You can choose to walk away from this. I know Toby won’t judge you for that; he’s a better person than I am. But if you want to walk away, you need to be prepared to either cut us off completely so you can ignore everything that’s going on in our lives or cover for us when this stuff does come up, even if your involvement ends there. It’s your choice, but you need to make it soon.”

“But—”

“This isn’t me trying to pressure you into making a decision. It’s me telling you that we don’t have time for you to weigh every pro and con about every feasible scenario you can think of. We’re in the middle of this now, and we need to know if you’re in or out.”

“I don’t know—”

“That’s why I’m going to let you think it over and figure it out. Unless you want me to stay here and listen some more?”

She was more use to Claire than she was to him, so he shook his head.

“Okay. Text me if you wanna talk one-on-one with someone before you come back. As far as your decision goes…. We’ll do what we can to protect you either way, but I’m not going to promise you that you’ll be fine. I don’t know if you will be. I don’t know if I will be. I don’t know enough about what’s going on despite what Toby told me when Danny and I got there, but even if I did know, I still couldn’t make that guarantee. We’ll never be able to give you that guarantee.”

“I just…. I don’t know if I’m ready for any of this.”

“No one is. Well, I like to think I was more prepared for my first apocalypse than the average person, but for the most part? No one is.”

“Wait, what do you mean, first apocalypse?”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I helped save the world once. And I don’t think it’s a lie to say I’m not the only one, so it wouldn’t be a stretch to think I might wind up helping stop a second.” Wendy got to her feet. “Just think about it. Take some time to clear your head and sort things out. We’ll be in your dorm room until Toby gets back, and one of us will text you if we leave before you show up.”

“I don’t think I can do this,” whispered Wirt, looking away so he didn’t have to see Wendy’s face when he admitted that.

“Then you don’t have to. But don’t give up until you give it some real thought, okay?”

“Okay.”

He didn’t look up as she walked away.

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