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#(( i am extremely late on this but here we are. ))
hamada1999 · 2 days
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🚨 dangerous 🚨
Please don’t turn a blind eye
🔴‼‼Hello everyone🔴
I never imagined that I would reach this point. Since the first day of the war, I have fought with all my might to preserve my life, the lives of my family and the lives of my loved ones.
I have witnessed unimaginable pain. I have been severely injured, in pain, and had to move away from my wife and family to seek treatment abroad, yet I continue on the path in the hope of keeping my family and loved ones alive.
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I do not take this lightly, and it took me a lot of courage to ask for help😔. But the situation is desperate, and I cannot do it alone. But today, I find myself in a place of extreme vulnerability. This war has devastated my family. We have lost our home, my wife and her family have been displaced, and my family has been torn apart time and time again, and each time a part of us is broken. Winter is here and the rains are coming, and after losing our home,
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all we have left is a torn tent to shelter them that is not fit for the rainy weather that is coming. I am afraid they will drown, and I cannot bear these conditions.
I will attach a link to my GoFound Me so you can help me as soon as possible before it is too late.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing with me. I hope this message somehow reaches those who can offer support.🌹
https://gofund.me/45f50996
Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #80 )
and @a-shade-of-blue
@ibtisam @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @vakarians-babe @amaspayrollmanager@fairuzfakhira @fallahsart @sayruq@humanvoreture @kaapstadgirly@sar-soor @dimonds456-art @plomegranate@commissions4aid-international @nabulsi @stil-macher @soon-palestine @communitythings @palestinegenocide @vakarians-babe @ghost-and-a-half@toughknit @flower-tea-fairies@the-stray-liger @riding-with-the-wild-hunt@vivisection-gf@communistchameleon @troythecatfish@the-bastard-king @4ft10tvlandfangirl
#palestine #free palestine #donations #donate if you can #please donate #gofundme #go fund them #donate #donation #go fund her #palestine gfm #gaza gfm #gazan families #fundraising #go fund me #fundrasier #save gaza #save palestine #please #please help #help gaza #mutual aid #donation match #charity #go fund him #gaza #gaza strip #emergency #hope #important
My wife's account (@montahahamada99)
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respectthepetty · 3 days
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Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 1/5
The crowd picked two blacklisted shows for me to watch during Pride, which were Love in the Air and The Untamed, and so even though I finished the first, I've stalled on the second, and it's all because of the beast named SOTUS. I watched this show when it aired in 2016, but I don't remember any of it. All I remember is that I'm very mad at it, yet this was the wild card show that was unlocked during the voting, so instead of fearing this show so much that I cannot bring myself to finish The Untamed, I'm going straight to the big boss, and fighting this demon NOW!
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It's me and the gear in a battle until the very end, and even though I cannot remember a single thing about this show, as soon as I pressed play, all the hate in my body rose to the surface, so I already know this is going to be a ~journey~
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First and foremost, I'm going to give this show and Krist a compliment because I HATE Arthit, which is exactly what I should be doing in the first episode. He is 🎶The Worst🎶 and he leans all the way into it. He snarls. He yells. He forces a girl to give him her number through mere power dynamics and sexism, and this isn't just 2024-me thinking this. 2016-me knows that this character is written well because the worst thing Arthit can think of doing to another man is making him say he is gay.
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Then to casually whisper in that man's ear that he could find him a skirt to wear . . .
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Arthit really is the epitome of the homophobe-to-homo character and I can't believe that it worked in 2016 since I feel that was late for a character like this to still be a love interest, yet it's still working so well in 2024 because here I am, pissed, pressed, and ready to fuck him up for being the douchiest bro in this damn cafeteria. It's refreshing how much I'm allowed to hate him.
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Because even the way he screams Kongpob's name with his student ID every fucking two seconds is setting me off.
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And I'm very disappointed in BL Land for only ONE video existing of him screaming Kongpob's name, and it's only the times from the first half of the first episode. Thanks, OP, but we are slacking!
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But, honestly, if I had a boy who looked up at me like this every time I screamed his name, I'd probably be a lot worse than Arthit. You know, instigating fights and hands on me or something like that.
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And now I'm questioning this series because if these two would just choke each other out then kiss, I would be fully for it and enjoying all my snacks along the way. I'd be fine with Kongpob telling the entire room he would make Arthit his bitch, but Kongpob instead says he'll make Arthit his wife, and . . . the vibe is not as kinky as I need it to be to support all that is being thrown at me from these two.
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Which is why I'm heavily shipping Kongpob with M! Kongpob got in trouble for having two books, one which was M's, and had to say he liked men. Now, they are drunk at this table with homophobe Arthit and the hazers are staring them down while Kongpob is just holding M's face.
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But let me actually rewatch this show instead of reflecting on how GMMTV messed this enemies AND lovers premise up twice (looking at you, Dangerous Romance) because right now, this show is trying to make me believe the girls would not wave hello to a babyface Off.
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Once again, back to the actual rewatch, and because I don't remember a thing about this, I don't know if Wad is good or bad, but him busting out this move when Prem told him to apologize was equivalent to an older white Southern Christian woman telling someone to have a blessed day, so I felt that shade through the screen!
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And I'm not victim-blaming, but I do actually think Kongpob and Arthit are trying to push each buttons to see who will break first and fuck (up) the other one because this is not a sane answer to "why did you stay?" when the possibility of the hazers physically harming someone is extremely high.
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I only see my Kongpob and M ship now because when Arthit asked if anyone knew M, Kongpob immediately stood up and knew his entire life story. I have known my best friends for decades, and I still could not recite half of that information. Kongpob, what are the heterosexual reasons for you know any of this information about M?
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JAN!
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Once again, Arthit is 🎶The Fucking Worst🎶 because instead of just taking his L, he made Kongpob say everyone's damn name, then ripped up May's name tag, only to scold Kongpob for giving her his, and now the kids are passing out from his ridiculous physical activities! As a member of a Greek-letter organization who was hazed because that was the culture of the time period, Arthit is being soooooo messy!
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Hear me out - Kongpob and M would be so good together! Arthit is the antagonist. Kongpob is the protagonist who meets a sweet quiet boy on his first day of orientation. He helps the sweet quiet boy come out of his shell and watches over him. He cares for him. THEY FALL IN LOVE!
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But instead I'm getting a love interest who nominated Kongpob because he knows he is cute, yet can't admit it because ~internalized homophobia~ Ryan from The OC would have never treated Seth this way, and they were in the early 2000s. What is your excuse, Arthit?! The show wants me to hate you, and for that, I'm thankful.
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But I could never hate Minnie! Arthit came up quick like he was protecting the boys from Minnie being a predator, but Minnie would NEVER! I could never fear Minnie with the bisexual scarf? And now MDL is telling me the actor has only acted in one other series and that series is Deep Night. Gold star resume, and I truly mean that.
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Look at them. LOOK AT THEM! Tell me they don't look good together. Tell me they wouldn't have wrecked every other ship. This is why I need GMMTV to let these MEN (no longer boys) kiss their homies. Kongpob x M. Singto x New. I ship it.
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*punching walls and ripping doors off hinges* Kongpob gets kicked out the group and the FIRST one to stand up for him is the boy he loves (it's canon to me and IDGAF what the story's gotta say about it). Quiet and sweet M finds his voice just so he can ask to have Kongpob back. THEY ARE IN LOVE!
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Arthit is wildin' out here trying to gaslight Kongpob with this bullshit of "if you keep helping out your friends, then they'll never stand on their own." Sir, you wanna fuck Kongpob so bad, you look stupid.
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AND KONGPOB SAYS IT!
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I cannot stress enough how kinky this is and could have been if 2016 BL Land was allowed to lean into this because Kongpob has already established through his actions that he likes showing up for the punishments, and here he says the quiet part very loudly - Arthit likes punishing him.
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Taking a break from the kink to point out that GMMTV was always going to get My Love Mix-Up because in 2016, May's friend said that "In Japan, if you write down the name of your crush on an eraser and use it, that person will love you"
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Then we have May asking for an eraser and keeping it just so she can write Kongpob's name on it. But who gets upset about it? M! Because he loves Kongpob and I'm not accepting that he likes May just like Atom realized he liked a boy instead of girl eight years later. M loves Kongpob. That is my truth!
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And here comes the kink lite again! Kongpob could leave. He doesn't have to take this verbal abuse from Arthit. He doesn't have to eat that damn spicy ass plate of food. He doesn't have to finish it either because Arthit gets up and leaves, yet HE DOES! Because he likes this treatment. This makes sense if it's sadomasochism, and that will guide me through these next couple of episodes.
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Because the decision to make Arthit the one who likes pink milk is a choice, and now I want an entire TED Talk on how Arthit is probably the most well done homophobic bully with internationalized homophobia falling in love with the boy he is bullying.
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Because, joke's on him, the guy he falls for is into that kind of shit.
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And all of this happens so we can end with Kongpob getting pink milk for himself after he finished an entire spicy meal that he didn't need to since he enjoys being punished should make me so happy, but the show is trying to lighten Arthit's behavior by having him pay for the bill (and get the freshmen food, and having been hazed himself, and blah blah blah) instead of just letting the toxicito be toxic and Kongpob being into it.
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I never thought I'd write this, but I don't want Arthit to be tamed. I want him to be so much worse.
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vamphorica · 2 days
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Mellodramattic fic recs? 👁👁
okay, thank you so much anon for giving me the opportunity to ramble about m2 fics, i am very, very passionate about them at the moment ♡ i do intend to create an extensive masterpost, so I'll give you my three absolute favourites to keep you busy in the meantime.
-> crush by etorphine (morphinejunkie on tumblr) rated explicit
i really don't mean this hyperbolically – this fic fundamentally changed my life. words will never be able to fully describe how i felt reading this absolute mammoth of a fic (203k words!) and the lasting impact it has had on me since then. quite simply, it is a masterpiece that so beautifully characterises matt and mello without denying the harsh realities of who they are and their circumstances. it details their lives within the confines of canon, exploring the moments of time between the two that ohba neglected, and it made me sob once i had finished, haha. not to mention that there is an audio drama of two chapters featuring the official English voice actors for Matt and Mello, which is also amazing.
umm... yeah. crush means a lot to me. please read it if you haven't already ♡
-> magnolia by threesmallcrows rated mature
unlike crush, which is very canon compliant, magnolia is an alternative universe fic that tackles an incredibly complex topic in the context of Mello as a famous musician and Matt as his casual fuckbuddy. Matt finds out more about Mello's childhood, and while i will warn that it does get intense, i personally thought it was written very sensitively, which can sometimes be difficult to find in angst fics. additionally, the way it is written is phenomenal, pure poetry. here is the summary, just for a taste of what you are getting yourself into:
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gorgeous. highly recommend
-> deep cover by mizzmello rated explicit
i am a huge fan of mizz's art here on tumblr, and her fics are absolutely wonderful too! i reread this one a couple of nights ago for a oneshot i am rotating in my mind, and god, it is just a really fun fic that i feel portrays the boys extremely well. given how the other two are very heavy, deep cover certainly provides a nice respite by sending matt and mello to the club and documenting what they get up to. this will be a fic i always return to, if not just to read the final few paragraphs over, and over, again.
i do hope you give these recommendations a go! i feel as though all three have really informed how i characterise matt and mello, as well as inspiring me to write so much lately. we are really lucky to have such talented writers in this community and i think it is always imperative to appreciate them when the opportunity arises :)
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pastry0w0rlord · 2 hours
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This One Really Missed
They would usually cook so hard with these games but they burned down the kitchen this time I'm afraid.
Lenght/Playtime:
Too short. Too little options. The flow chart of this game is pathetic and can't compare to the other 2. It felt like watching a movie.
Price:
Too expensive, my localized price was 8 bucks but I learned the original is 15 from steam reviews. If you really wanna buy the game wait for a sale, the price is unacceptable for this little decision making and 5 endings total.
Humour:
I only laughed out loud at one joke.
One.
And that was the Hat Man joke. Most of the jokes did not land this time.
The original games had this thing where the dark jokes regarding really sensitive topics (racism, homophobia, slavery, xenophobia, abuse...) landed because they had added context. Like:
- "I thought our photography teacher was a pedophile but turns out he is a white supremacist. That's not... better"
- "Uncircumcised men are gross because the media told me so, I am a teenage girl in late 2000s."
- Every straight person in school accusing Nicole of homophobia and talking over Ari because she got rejected when Ari is only angry that Nicole was mean about it.
- Jeffrey pretending to be a white nationalist, entering a straight club etc. not because his beliefs but because he desperately wants to fit in.
- That whole scene of Nicole's mom screaming at her under medicine influence about how she steals stuff from her medicine cabinet. Then Nicole, after a really morbid argument where she plays the victim to the audience, reveals that she does indeed steal her mom's meds.
- The whole route of Nicole bullying Jeffrey into being a school shooter got kicked off by Jeffrey being creepy in general.
and the list goes on.
The dark jokes had twists which made them funny. In Flip Side someone says something stereotypical or generally morbid out of nowhere and follow it with "I am not racist" or barely any acknowledgement. The biggest examples of this I can think of are the Turkish creep stereotype and the whole FYE ending.
They actually made an '09 game parodying the original. This game is what the series' haters think the first 2 games are.
The.. Feet Stuff..:
I swear it was funny at first, with social commentary and all. But then it kept dragging... and dragging...
Then I realized almost half of the game was dedicated to foot stuff. Cool...
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Are the writers aware that all those minutes wasted could've gone to an ending with Jecka's mom whom she kept talking about in the first game?
Jecka:
They should rename Flip Side to "Pity Jeckainator 5000" because holy shit poor girl. The overall game was more bleak and sad than funny. Jecka breaks down sobbing multiple times and no one helps her.
Jecka's Father:
I don't know what they were trying to do with Jecka's father but none of his scenes were funny. In fact it was extremely triggering because I got treated like Jecka in the past by multiple people. Jecka is severely jittery, jumpy and horrified at the smallest yelling. She breaks down crying a lot yelling "don't hit me" and I do not see what purpose repeating her father's screaming at every scene with him serves if it isn't meant to be funny. There were literally times where I went "oh here we go again" and took of my headphones before he started screaming at her.
Nicole:
Guys Nicole is severely out of character in one of the foot fetish routes. I don't care if she is supposed to be a sociopath, that is not Nicole. Sociopaths can still separate right from wrong, they are still people so the "Nicole is a sociopath" argument I keep seeing holds no merit here.
Nicole has shown that she is capable of admitting to her mistakes in the prison ending of re-up.
Also lets put aside her mutual respect for Jecka and pretend Nicole doesn't know her at all. That still feels out of character for her. Think about it. Why does Nicole go after older men when she does?
- She is in danger and needs to act. (Coach Colby route)
- She has no other choice. (The route where her mom kicked her out)
- She is trying to get them arrested. (Her luring one of the faculty outside to get arrested)
Why would she, for no reason whatsoever, go after Jecka's dad?
You would argue that Nicole is a petty person from the Megan-Hunter route, but Megan made Nicole snap. She got provoked. Same with the Ari route. Ari was severely fucked up herself. What did Jecka do?
"I can't cut you in, I need this money Nicole"
That's it? Nicole already mentioned she was selling shoplifted goods as well so what is her objective here if not money?
Emily would do this(which she did), not Nicole, Nicole wouldn't bother. It's too much useless effort. They confused their own characters.
The Text from SBN3:
I am not gonna elaborate but that was so insane, wild and immature.
Some Stuff I Liked:
-Seeing Jecka's side of the first game suicide ending was cool.
-I actually liked the FYE route... until I didn't in the last 5 minutes of it.
-The Hat Man bit was seriously funny.
-The illustrations improved.
But yeah overall... Jecka deserved better than this game. I do not hate it for the small stuff I liked it for, but I will still try to pretend this never existed.
If you are here thank you for reading all of it. I usually don't do game reviews, I hope I didn't ramble too much
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skitskatdacat63 · 10 months
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2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Qualifiying - Fernando Alonso
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
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penisbilt · 5 months
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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pawphin · 1 year
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i understand why i feel so weird now
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griffsursparker · 1 year
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so sick of hearing about some new bullshit the US is trying to pull and just *knowing* that if it goes through it's gonna affect everyone. like i have a lot of sympathy for the people living in the US who are having to deal with this shit firsthand. but like jesus christ it's not enough to fuck up the lives of your own citizens, you have to mess with everyone else's too huh
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aechlys · 1 year
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I hate the dietary rules I gotta follow now. I’m extremely lucky that most Japanese food falls within the guidelines, even the stuff you wouldn’t think would. But the whole “you must not eat or drink anything two hours before bed, not even water” is some bullshit level direction.
So I’m compromising. I’ll wait an hour, so I’m not starving when I go to bed because it takes me an hour to get to sleep as it is. Rice with ume furikake, umeboshi on top which is surprisingly very good for what’s wrong with me despite how sour it is, and korean nori with that delicious sesame oil coating. Korean nori is superior in literally every way to japanese.
Anyway…..three months of this bullshit ahead of me RIP etc etc.
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I got tagged by @tesho-travels to do ten songs I have on loop lately!
1. Danny by Grover Anderson and Jimbo Scott
2. My Body’s Made of Crushed Little Stars by Mitski
3. The entire Equalizer Robobs playlist
4. Goodbye Yellowbrick Road by Elton John
5. Funeral Pyres from ARISTOS: the Musical
6. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet by Fall Out Boy
7. Hallelujah
8. This Is Love by Air Traffic Controller
9. Telephone Wire from Fun Home
10. Draft Dodger Rag by Pete Seeger
Tagging @nosongunsung11 @wildfandom @coyotefang1987 @lemonade-comet @nplutonian @theparallaxview @dogliker73 !!! And anyone else who wants to do it just say I tagged you I like seeing people’s music
#1. bops. slaps. extremely guy extremely story kinda gender just overall a good time we love to see it#throw the old rug over him here he’ll sleep it off#etc#2. KILL MEEEEEEEE IN JERUSALEM KILL MEEEEEEE IN JERUSALEM#dead girl rage. sparkly.#3. cheating but it’s not any of the songs in particular?? also I’m not putting the Beatles on this list even for Maxwell’s Silver Hammer#4. I’m normal. I’m normal. I’m so normal. Incredibly normal about Catalyzer robobs#also it’s just a Good Ass Song#5. okay not like. actually listening to. but I did loop it for 6 hours while writing the legionfic the other night#which is both ‘a lot’ and ‘lately’#so#6. AND DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW THE WAY THAT THE SUNSHINE GLEAMS FROM YOUR WEDDING BAND#insane about that song forever.#7. recently diagnosed with Hallelujah Guy TM in the groupchat and that’s a kind of guy I really like to be#8. YOURE NO GOOD YOURE NO GOOD YOU COULD KILL ME AND YOU SHOULD IM AN IDIOT FOR THINKING THIS WAS ANYTHING BUT BLOOD#ON THE WALL ON THE COUCH ON THE CORNER OF MY MOUTH YOU MUST LIKE BEING THE VICTIM YOUVE DONE NOTHING TO GET OUT#etc.#slaps. fucks. goes so hard.#also the carburetor robobs.#9. god I am so. fuckin Christ. this song did not have to hit so damn hard#i can feel the wind off of it I can taste the color of the sky. you know#/make this not the past/#10. saRGE IM ONLY 18 🥺 I GOT A RUPTURED SPLEEN 😖 AND I ALWAYS CARRY A PURSE! 💅 I GOT EYES LIKE A BAT 😵 AND MY FEET ARE FLAT 😩 AND MY ASTHMA’#S GETTING WORSE 🤧#slaps. bops.#also reminds me that most people were not taught extensively how to dodge the draft growing up
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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I just realized something really sad
I have two best friends outside of tumblr (my only irls that aren't roommates basically) and one of them I try to talk to constantly but she doesn't always respond, in fact she kind of barely does. I want to talk to her all the time but I always feel like I'm boring her or like she doesn't understand why I can't do some of the things I can't do.
The other one is always trying to talk to me, usually trying to call me. But I rarely ever pick up or respond or text first. My relationship with her is really complicated because some of my alters are very hurt from some things she did a while ago, others just don't trust her, and then the ones that front when we talk love her.
I have so many mixed feelings and the switches triggered by that mean I always don't answer or forget because I have dissociative amnesia about her trying to contact me in the first place... I don't know, I don't want to make excuses for myself but I genuinely don't know if this is a valid reason for treating her the way I do or if I'm an awful friend. Of course, it could also be both. I just don't know what to do. I don't want her to feel neglected by me like I sometimes do with my other friend.
#for some context about what the things that hurt these alters were ill elaborate here in the tags#so me and friend 2 have been friends for a very long time. since i was about 13-14 and were both adults now#i was raised Christian and it deeply traumatized me. i didnt deconvert until i was about 17 and even then was back and forth#i know theres a lot of variability in Christianity and maybe not everyone raised Christian will be traumatized#but i really really was. and if youve seen some of my posts about my religious trauma youll know why#when i was 18 i had just moved out of my moms house and was basically crashing on a friends couch/floor#i was extremely stressed and vulnerable at the time#and during that time my friend tried to reconvert me#i dont remember exactly what she said but it devolved into arguing and i had a panic attack over it at least once#we didnt talk for a while#shes also stated pretty directly before that she believes being transgender (which i am) is wrong#i let it slide because she apologized and stopped pushing the matter#she almost never brings it up anymore#and parts of me forgive her but other parts don't#i feel like i should also talk about the ways that shes a good friend because this is gonna make it seem really one sided otherwise#so for one shes been with me through the hardest years of my life#talking me down from taking my life late into the nights... being there when no one else was... reminding me that im worth something#shes been patient and kind and supportive all this time#she was also the person who eventually got me to realize that my parents and even my siblings were abusive and neglectful#which was a very big deal for me#i wouldnt have lived this long without her suppory#even now she checks in on me#making sure im not suicidal and reminding me that shes here for me#always reaching out if i havent responded in a while just to make sure im okay#she also struggles with a lot of the same stuff as me having had ptsd depression and an eating disorder before#so she helps me feel less alone#but now i dont ever feel close to her#and i dont know if i ever will again#i feel cruel for not telling her the truth if i haven't forgiven her yet but I don't think itd do any good for her to know
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raeathnos · 6 months
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#yall I finally got some good fucking news#my grandma’s been in the hospital and was doing very bad and like#we thought the end was near#she improved and got discharged#things still aren’t great but it’s (hopefully) looking more like she has weeks or maybe even months rather than just a handful of days#she’s almost 92 and has late stage Alzheimer’s and the flu is what put her in the hospital but she beat it#yesterday was very stressful#my parents/uncles were all being incredibly vague and my cousins were reaching out for info from me since I’m the only local grandchild#trying to figure out if people several hours away need to drop everything and try to make it here to say goodbye while at work was uh#it was something#I had an emotional break down in the bathroom which was fun#my parents who normally use me as a punching bad were doing it to an even more extreme degree#they still are technically; I get it’s my dad’s mom and he’s hurting more but she’s my grandma and like#the whole way they’ve been treating is just… it broke something in me#relieved she’s okay for now but having to grapple with the fact that this is how they will treat me when it is her time is something#I am an frazzled emotional wreck from everything but she’s okay and that’s what matters in the end#I also had a video interview this afternoon which like#absolutely wild state of mind to be in to do an interview but it’s with a really good company so I didn’t want to cancel#guys#I got a second in person interview!#it pays good and it’s close by and the only thing I don’t like is that it’s second shift#but they said if I get the job I’ll eventually get the opportunity to switch to first shift so like#fingers crossed the next interview goes well#anyways all good news except for my parents being fucking assholes but#I am out of energy emotionally mentally and physically#was trying to keep myself together till the interview and now that it’s over I’m just very done#my anxiety is shot my brain’s checked out and all I wanna do is sleep#I was supposed to be off tomorrow but work called me in and I took the shift cause I need money#I think there is a very good chance that I crash very hard after work tomorrow#which fine
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kitchenelf · 7 months
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in-school-suspension was honestly so extremely funny because i had undiagnosed Problems Disorder and unironically i LOVED being sent to ISS.
average day of ISS (sent there for 3 days because i was late to a class three times within a 9-week period):
arrive at school and say a silly dramatic farewell to my besties
stop at each of my classrooms to receive makeup work from my teachers which always ends up being some bullshit worksheet or textbook busywork
arrive at ISS portable and go through the daily rigamarole intro of "you are Bad and you should Feel Bad. welcome to Bad Class, a confirmation that you will never make anything of your life, you horrid creature. you are not allowed to speak, eat, or feel joy. no doodling or reading, if you don't have makeup work or homework i will assign busywork to you. fuck you. *spits*"
spend the next 4 hours doing my busywork. it is QUIET. i can CONCENTRATE. the work gets DONE EARLY.
the work only took 2 hours maximum, i spend the other 2 hours writing fanfiction manually in a composition book pretending that I'm doing textbook work. i am having the time of my life.
our lunch time is the 10 minutes between the two lunch periods. there is no line, because there's only ever 5-15 ISS students. i get to EAT instead of STANDING IN A LINE for half an hour and only having 4 minutes to scarf down my garbage.
at the end of lunch, we are led in a big duck line through the school and we each get to stop off at our usual classes and pick up work to do. i already did this in the morning, so i use my time to say hi to my friends and figure out what the homework will be tonight.
for the last 2 hours of the day i do my homework. IT GETS DONE. this is the ONLY time during high school where homework gets done. zero exaggeration. i never did homework unless i was actively in a classroom with no choice but to do homework.
we get the usual outro of "this has been your day in Bad Class, because you're a Bad Child. some of you will be here tomorrow, some of you will not, but i'll see you again in a couple of weeks, because you are Bad and will always be Bad."
the school day is over, i did not encounter any of my bullies, i did not have to 'participate in class'. i got all of my work done and then some. i got to work on my fanfics. i hang out with my friends after school and talk to others on myspace/facebook.
it is the best three days i have in recent memory.
i will be there again, probably on purpose.
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starkwlkr · 2 months
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happy life, happy wife | hugh jackman
an: “you attract what you fear” GUYS IM SO SCARED OF A 55 YEAR OLD AUSTRALIAN 😭 definitely thinking about making marvel actress!reader x hugh an actual series… i have ideas
marvel actress!reader
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Deadpool & Wolverine Press tour - Hot Ones
Hugh felt like he was going to die. Each wing was getting hotter and hotter, but immediately when he heard his wife’s name he forgot all about the spice.
“Hugh, your wife is part of the Avengers, how does it feel having your wife be part of such a huge franchise? Have you two talked about a potential team up with the X-men and the Avengers?” Sean asked.
“My wife . . . Oh god, I think I’m crying-”
“I can’t tell if you’re legitimately dying or completely in love with your wife.” Ryan told Hugh.
“Wait . . I am completely in love with my wife and I would legitimately die for her.” Hugh gasped as he rearranged Ryan’s words.
“Is that in the contract she made you sign when you married her? ‘I vow to die for you’. My contract said I had to give all my money to my kids and wife.” Ryan said.
“No, she’s amazing, um, if I start talking about her I think I might go on for hours,” he laughed. “Our kids do want to see their parents fighting the bad guys together. We would love to team up, maybe it could happen.” Hugh smiled.
“The entire movie would be them making out and her beating the shit out of you. I’d pay to see that.” Ryan added.
•••
Comic Con 2024
Like RDJ, your last Marvel movie had been Avengers: Endgame. After being in ten mcu films, it was time to say goodbye to your character.
But that was in 2019.
At this years comic con, you were back. The cast of Deadpool & Wolverine had taken the stage and showed their appreciation for the fans. After their panel, it was time to announce Marvel’s upcoming projects. Kevin Feige announced the Fantastic Four, Thunderbolts, Captain America 4, and finally the new Avengers movies, which everyone was extremely excited about.
After showing the title card for the upcoming Avengers film, Kevin turned to the audience.
“Something people have been asking, as of late, is who the heck is going to direct these two movies?” The audience clapped.
From the side of the stage, you were nervous. What if the fans didn’t like the idea of you directing the next two Avengers films? Your worrying caused Hugh to come to your rescue.
“Hey, they loved you as an Avenger, they will love you even more.” Hugh kissed your forehead. “If anyone says anything about this decision, they have me to deal with.”
You laughed at his words. “I really love you so much.”
“Love you too, bub.” Hugh was about to kiss you when Ryan cut in.
“I really love us too. I convinced half of the people here that we’re a throuple.” He said in the most serious tone ever.
Kevin announced you as the director. Your doubt of the fans not liking the announcement was proven wrong when you walked the stairs to the stage and stood next to Kevin. They cheered when they saw you were back.
As you said a few words, thanking Marvel, Kevin and the fans, you were being recorded by Hugh, who was being recorded by Ryan.
“That’s my wife!” Hugh cheered from backstage, holding his phone in his hand.
“She’s Marvel Jesus now, holy shit!”
•••
WIRED autocomplete interview
“Is Hugh Jackman married?”
“Yes, to me, Y/n, probably to half the population,” Ryan answered. “He’s Australia’s biggest slut.”
“All the times, I proposed.” Hugh laughed. “But yes, I am married and I love my wife very much. She’s stuck with me forever.” He lifted his hand to show off the wedding band.
“Funny, because she texted me right now. Her and Blake are in the courthouse getting married. So Deadpool three was actually made so our wives could divorce us and marry each other.”
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