#((hes autistic and its really stressing him out but the more he reads about how terrible they are he becomes entranced hes like obsessed))

[truckbed]

his truck things his newest fixation he just moved in with jade in a large city (i was thinking new york at first but now im considering somewhere in texas) and is experiencing the joys of giant machinery surrounding him 24/7. and by joys i mean he fell into the trap of obsessing over something that was bothering you and now it's your biggest interest ever

[hotluncheddie]

high masking autistic steve harrington follow on from this post

ao3

wc: 2.6k | rated: T | cw: description of a meltdown with semi aggressive stimms | tags: autistic steve harrington (and eddie and robin but this is about stevie), hurt/comfort, stobin soulmates, steddie, steve Harrington has shitty parents

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

he failed. he graduated. but he failed. those unsaid words between him and his parents. some get said. the bad ones, about him, they get said. over again like he’s 5 and being told is behaviour isn’t acceptable. that how he is isn’t right. ‘shape up or ship out’, basically. steve knows he can’t go anywhere new, not right now. only freshly recovered, physically at least. mentally; he’s still unacceptable. 

when steve works at scoops. it’s so fucking bright in there. so fucking bright, all day and he can’t focus and talking to people gets so much harder. it’s not like school where he can zone out in class and turn it on during lunch, in between, keep up his face with the people around him and sink back into his head during chemistry. no. now it’s all the time, customer after customer. that he has to talk to, put on a smile for, read so he gives them what they want and they leave happy. it’s exhausting. girls don’t like him anymore, they don’t react to him the same way. he doesn’t think he likes them much either though because they’re so much more annoying when it’s so fucking bright. 

but robin (robin who cycles to work with sunglasses on and doesn’t take them off till she has too) she turns the lights down during open and close. so those couple hours, it’s not so bad. not so stressful. a little bit less loud. 

after the mall burns down steve starts letting her in. tries too. she makes it obvious enough to him that she wants him there. she asks him to stay and calls him at night and he just wants to be enough for her. eventually he’d swallowed his pride and bolstered his courage and called her after a string of nightmares. asking her to stay the night. but then she was there, and it was like everything was thrown off. she was grating on his already freyed nerves but he didn’t know what to say. how to fix it without upsetting her. 

but that night, a mirror of the mall bathroom played out in steves en-suite. steve had freaked. hidden. but she didn’t leave. and he tried to explain. 

he needs her but he doesn’t know how to have her as a true friend. ‘i dunno how to talk to a girl if i don’t wanna date them. i uh, maybe, don’t really know how to talk to someone as myself. as a friend. sorry.’ 

‘well i don’t know how to talk to jocks so. same boat.’ and she has this glint in her eye. like she knows. and it’s okay. 

because robin, she made it simple. she makes it easy. she says just ask and she’ll be honest and give him a yes or no. she’ll say if she can’t be touched right now, or if the movie he chose is pissing her the fuck off. and she wants the same from him. if the music is too loud, if she needs to let him not speak for a while. wants him honest and present and real. real friends. someone close. finally. 

it’s rocky at first. she’s honest and he’s not used to it. it feel like criticism more often than not. makes him see red and lash out, like he was never able to with his parents. but he apologises and she stays. and he’s learning; that’s it’s okay, he’s not perfect and that means she’s knowing the real him. and she’s still his best friend even if he has to tell her to stop picking her nail polish off around him because it makes him want to die. and she laughs at him the first time she sees him in real recovery mode; hair not styled and he has on the only sweatshirt that ever feels good when he’s like this. 

they lay on the floor in darkness and silence. it’s perfect. they share a tin of soup and a grilled cheese. it’s perfect. 

being around robin as much as he is, its so new, having someone see so many parts of you. sometimes she laughs at him asking steve ‘why’d your voice change?’ but steve didn’t even know it had. he was, he was just talking to someone else quick, being nice like you’re supposed to, attentive to make them feel good. he didn’t know his voice changed that much. 

‘girls would like you more if you talked normal to them. how you do to me.’ 

steve swallowed thickly. he just. he just doesn’t know that thats true. nancy left, he talked to her about lots of things, too many things. she like him better at the start. before some of his black tar innards spilled out. before he freaked. before he was able to paste himself back together and she saw him for what he really is. 

he thinks of his parents. how they don’t know him and still don’t like him. anxiety prickles at his fingertips at the thought of those times they do come home. 

because with them there the routine he’s carved for himself, those quiet moments of darkness that he so craves. they’re gone. now it’s tv static and plates clanging and having to show his face at dinner again. but he’s not ten anymore. now he’s an adult whose still drowning in the tension of the room, never able to say what’s really going on, never allowed to ask how they really feel, never taught how to figure his feeling out. no listening ear for steve as a child, and the ice only grew thicker with time. 

it’s his skin itching at his mother stirring her tea across the house, spoon agains porcelain. it’s the hair on the back of his neck standing up at the sound of ice clinking in his fathers scotch glass. it’s triggered memories playing over and over again. it’s being plagued, by ghosts who haunt him, who left but come back every so often, like poltergeists. polietgists with the deed to the house, and ownership over steve, through blood and fear alone. 

‘when they get back you come to mine steve yeah? you come home.’

because now theres not just robin. there’s eddie. 

he sees everything. and more. even when steve’s trying to hide. eddie sees. 

he noticed steve squinting at the hospital and asked the nurse to turn the lights down. he saw how he started zoning out at a diner with the kids, their arguing reaching a pitch, asked steve to keep him company for a smoke break. once they were outside eddie said he just needed a moment, ‘those kids can be animals’. said it and looked a him like he didn’t need an answer, let steve just breathe a focus on the sound of the wind. 

it’s like there’s a million tiny moments, a million tiny cracks in him forming the more he’s around eddie. like his soft underbelly is mewling any time he’s around, wanting attention, wanting to let eddie see. let eddie touch. 

eddie used to look at him sometimes, across the lunch hall. stare at him with an expression steve couldn’t really make sense of. he used to think it was judgment, annoyance. now he wonders if that face was confusion or interest. maybe eddie’s always been trying to figure steve out. 

once it starts. them. eddie’s everywhere. more somehow, maybe, than robin because, you know, they go there. but it’s different, from those time, with those girls. instead now he’s there and his brains off and on in a, like, magical way. a new way that makes him feel whole and, and beautiful. 

this thing they have. it’s fragile. it’s not perfect. he messes up, takes him a moment to grasp how eddie can be so so himself, always, no matter what. especially when it causes him problems. ‘why not just try and fit in?’ but the stone faced reply told steve that was the wrong thing to say, he didn’t get it but he needed to respect it. respect eddie and his choices. ‘i’m not like you steve, even if my brain shit was all gone i’d still be poor, i’d still be othered. still be a gay weirdo little freak.’ 

and steve is trying to get it. he’s learning to recognise that it’s sadness and confusion in eddie’s eyes when he visits him at work, knowing steve is having a bad day and watching him pretend. watching that mask form thick and fast, hiding the real him, protecting but also keeping everyone far far away. steve thinks maybe they’re living parallels. finding different ways to survive. neither better, neither worse. both far from perfect. 

then that pinched sadness in eddie’s eyes. watching steve pretend. cover up. that damn breaks eventually. eddie sees all of him and more. those bits he always kept locked inside. between he and himself. it all comes spilling out. 

they were supposed to be going out soon. but eddie wasn’t feeling it anymore ‘let’s just stay here, be cozy a little longer. what do you say, sweetheart?’ it does sound nice. steves so tired. but they decided. they had a plan. 

‘we said we would. and i have to buy that thing eddie. we had a plan. and i have to go to work later, so we have to do it before. like we said and then i have to work eddie.’ and before he knows it there’s tears prickling his eyes and the ceiling fan is so loud and the desk lamp is too bright and he smacks a fist to the top of his head and it hurts a little but he’s so frustrated and so overwhelmed and so confused and embarrassed, suddenly. and he can’t breath. why can’t he breath? they had a plan. 

they were supposed to go see hopper and pick something up and he has to talk to him and ask about the game because he needs hopper to like him because it’s better when el can come when all the kids hangout. it’s important that she’s happy so hopper needs to trust steve so steve was going to talk to him today and pick something up. it was the plan. hopper makes him nervous but that was the plan. and then he had to go to work. but now he can’t breathe and he feels like he needs something to hurt. 

‘but he already trusts you with el stevie. hop trusts you with anything.’ 

‘i can’t know that. not for sure. when i talk to him it needs to be perfect.’ steve paces. a pinch at his arm. a tug at his hair. pivot. pace. repeat. 

‘i heard what he said to you steve, on your birthday, he was calling you son all day. you don’t need to prove anything to him.’ 

‘i do eddie! you don’t understand. people, they lie. adults lie. they don’t say things the way they mean. i can’t fuck up talking to him. not like i always fuck up talking to my parents. i need to do it better. do it differently. because everyone always leaves. and i just don’t want to be alone again.’ and the tears really start to fall and steve can barely breath and he’s so embarrassed. shaking hands try and cover his face but the tears slip through. 

and all he can think about is the plan. going to work. his vest hanging by the door. the way the plastic tapes feel in his hands. the smell of the bleach they mop the back room with. the day stretches before him. so many things in the way. so much anxiety still to come. if he can’t start, it can’t end. he gnaws at his lip. thumps a hand to his chest, trying to breath right, trying to ground. 

‘i have to go to work’ he mutters. like a prayer. speak it in to happening. taking him away from the now. thump thump thump at his chest. ear ringing. 

eddie’s holding his arms out, giving steve the option. he speaks so calmly, so earnest. ‘you can’t go to work steve. not like this baby.’

steve rounds on him. angry. when did everything get so messed up? if he was just left alone. he should’ve stayed on his own. ‘i cant just call in sick eddie! i’m not sick and and i hate the way they’ll sound when i say it over the phone and knowing what they’ll be thinking about me. they’ll know i hate the job and think i’m lazy and realise how stupid and useless i am and fire me. i can’t afford to get fired eddie. i’d rather just go in.’ he know it comes out garbled, his cheeks on fire. 

‘i’m not letting you go in steve. i’ll sort it. i’ll go pick up robin before and she’ll cover for you, she’ll explain. and she would never. ever think that of you.’ eddie’s voice dropped octave. he speaks clearly and plainly and finally there’s a new plan to follow. a new rule for the day. 

and all steve can do is curl up in a ball and sob. curl up in a ball against eddie chest, in his arms, squeezing his t-shirt between his fingers. clenching his muscles tight, his teeth grinding together. grunting out some of the decade old scream, still stuck there but more visible to him now. 

until finally finally, he relaxes. spent and exhausted. too afraid to open his eyes and face the lamplight, face what could be in eddie’s expression. he drifts..

eventually he gets up, blows his nose and splashed water on his face, turns off all the lights and get back under the warm blanket. fills his lungs. sighs. whispers, ‘m’sorry’ 

‘don’t say that. there’s nothing to apologise for’ eddie’s so close, so warm. 

‘no one’s supposed to ever, see that.. it’s okay if you want to leave’ 

‘steve. why the fuck would i leave you right now?’ 

‘who’d wanna date someone who acts like that? it’s. it’s not good eddie. but, but it’s okay. i’m used to being alo-.’ 

‘please stop stevie. your breaking my heart here. i want to stay, i want to be here with you. i really really like you steve.’ and steve’s cheeks feel wet again. he feels flayed open and young, like a little kid who fell off the swings and everything is different suddenly. 

later later when eddie picks robin up from work she stalks in to where steve’s wrapped up on the couch. curls up into his side and exhales. she bites into his bicep. huffing a sad, annoyed little ‘dingus’ before grabbing his hand and fiddling with his fingers. 

steve feels his eyes prickle again. looking up at the ceiling he croaks out a small ‘sorry.’ for the day. for everything. for anything he can be. and everything he can’t. 

robin kneels on the sofa right next to him. growling a little and placing one of her hands at his sternum and the other at the same height on his back. like she’s forcing herself inside him, holding him together. her hands start to rub up and down quickly, frenzied and grounding for both of them. steve let’s his head hang. eyes closing at the sensation. he grunts. robin grunts back. 

eddie joins. sitting at his other side. slipping a hand in steve’s hair, soothing his scalp with long scratching fingers. and steve humms, sighs, keens. eyes closed he drifts but not away from his body, instead into it. with gratitude, and warmth. at the centre of the two best things that ever happened to him. willing to try again. be just, better. never perfect. 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

pt 3 snippet

a little happier for u @pearynice <3

ty @spectrum-spectre @vampyreddiemunson @fangirlycupcake @grandwretch for ur tags and additions, it was very inspiring

and tags for lovely @irethsune @willim-billiam-byerson @2jug2head

[specialagentlokitty]

Snape x reader - perfect life

Could you write a fic about post war Severus Snape and female reader who's pregnant with his child and they already have a established relationship? Mostly fluff? I imagine reader as autistic (maybe because I'm autistic myself lol) but I don't think that influences much on the story, so feel free to write in the way you feel most comfortable with 💛💞 thank you so much! 🦇💌 - Anon 💜

Sitting on the bed, you were happily reading from one of the many old books scattered around the room, nice and warm.

You heard the door to the room open and close, some grumbling and finally the bedroom door opened and there stood your husband.

“Severus.” You smiled.

Setting your book aside, you opened your arms to him.

He hung up his jacket and walked over, sitting on his side of the bed, he laid down, resting his head on your chest, hand on your stomach.

You brought your hand up, running your fingers through his hair.

“How are you both?”

“I’m tired, and the baby is nothing but restless.”

Severus chuckled a little bit, smiling when he felt the baby kick and he pressed a kiss to your stomach before he got up.

He held his hand out and you shuffled down, resting your head in his lap as you looked up at him.

“How’s the new job?” You asked softly.

“It’s… different…” he mumbled.

You knew he wasn’t too fond of the idea of a muggle job, he was raised in a world of magic and teaching, now he was working in a library.

It was similar to teaching in a way, but this time he didn’t have to deal with unruly magic students.

Just had to get used to the muggle world and what it had to offer.

“We could go back Severus, if that’s what you want.”

He shook his head and placed his hand on the side of your face, trailing his finger along your cheek.

“No, this is safer. That world is too dangerous for a baby, they have to believe I died that day.”

You sighed, nodding your head understanding.

Because you knew he was right, the wizarding world was just getting back on its feet after everything, things were unstable and that wasn’t a world for a baby.

You wanted a world where you could both blend in, live a quiet and happy life with your family.

Smiling up at him, you placed your hand over his, leaning into his touch.

“I don’t have to worry about either of you as much here.” He said.

Severus leant down, softly kissing you before he pulled away and picked up your book to carry on reading from it.

You smiled as you closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling is his fingers messaging your scalp as he read aloud.

He carried in reading, even after you fell asleep until he was really sure that you had managed to fall asleep.

He set your book aside and looked down at you, grabbing the blanket he covered you up, hand resting over your stomach as he picked up his own book.

This was the life he wanted.

The life he had always pictured himself having but would never get.

A loving wife, a beautiful baby on the way, no stress or worry about dark magic, students, having to keep other people safe.

It was just you three against the world.

And that’s all Severus had ever wanted.

And the fact it was with you? It couldn’t be any more perfect in his eyes

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume Meta 7x03

so there aren't al l that many costumes to talk about this week from a min cast perspective as pretty much everyone is either in uniform, or a costume they've been wearing for the previous two episodes!

I do have a few things to talk about though so I'm still writing this meta and then I'll be gearing myself up for next week when I have a feeling I'll be up to my eyeballs in new costumes!!

Check theory

The danger around Jared played out - he large bold check signalled that he would be in danger - and he met a grim end!

Pink Theory

I feel like I'm spending every episode playing spot the bright pink and this one came to the pink party as well - we have Corey's dad in this pink sweater and then Corey's two siblings in pink.

Its really interesting to me that we're not seeing this bright pink on any of our mains up to this point (Athena has worn pale pink but not bright pink)- its always been on guest cast (Marisol, Lola, Norman, the mom trapped in the car) and there's a fairly even split between the characters who are in one episode and the multi episode arc characters.

I've already pointed this out but the various traits associated with bright magenta/fuchsia pinks are as follows

Things that are considered positive traits for this shade of pink are; intensity, acceptance, kindness and it's supportive and uplifting nature. It's connected to naive love (as in lust rather than the passionate and enduring love of red) can also be considered a nurturing colour.

Negative traits are; intensity, volatility, arrogant and impatient, irritability and irritating and frustration. it is also said to be a stress inducing colour and is said to be overly emotional and childish.

Stripe Theory

Then we have the stripes - Corey (who I'm convinced is autistic but thats maybe just me projecting!!) is in stripes pretty much the entire time.

The only exception is when the family is on Manzanillo - when he is wearing a watery themed shirt - again separating him from most of the rest of the family - who are all in floral prints (older brother is all in white and not the floral Hawaiian prints but he and his sister (I think they're meant to be twins?!) switch between who is wearing the bold print and who is in a white top throughout the episode)

Mom wears stripes as well - before she gets onto the ship - we see her in this striped coat. Dad and the sister also wear stripes and check scarves, showing that the entire family is in peril, but the largest amount of stripes are saved for the ones who will be in the most danger - which makes total sense from a pattern theory perspective.

An amusing aside that had me giggling - this top is shear perfection when paired with the 118 deciding their new moto is who cares!!😂

Right off to the firehouse to finish up! - I've mentioned before how uniform variation is used to separate out a character where needed (I wrote about it in my 6x09 meta) so here in the firehouse we have two separations going on - Buck and Eddie are the only ones in t-shirts - separating them from everyone else.

In connection to this separating them from the rest of the firehouse crew is that yellow rag Buck is waving around - it feels a little bit like that red one we saw him with several times in season 6 - the season of red flags.

In the same way t hat red cloth was like a red flag, this reads like a yellow flag - now yellow flags are interesting. In shipping terms they were historically a signal of quarantine (this isn' the case any more), and in sports generally they are used to denote hazardous conditions (motor racing and on beaches relating to surf and currents).

But the more interesting yellow flag concept is the yellow flag in a relationship - generally speaking they are indicators of things that could become problematic and turn into red flags if not dealt with or communicated about (yup communication again). Paired with the fact that Buck and Eddie have been 'singled' out through their uniform, its telling us issues ahead (even if we didn't know about them) and that its their dynamic that is going to be tested and that they are going to need to communicate.

Now all those yellow hoses hanging around in the back ground and then one hose physically connecting them - is certainly a choice (remember they could have used one of the non yellow hoses if it wasn't important) and a pretty loud one. I go on and on about yellow lines of communication, a lot, and I have in my metas for this season so far, but here we have another example of yellow ropes.. lines, cables etc.

The really really key thing here is that we haven't actually seen Buck and Eddie connected by a yellow anything since the end of season 3 and having not seen them connected with a yellow anything since season 3 - when their respective yellow lines got cut/burnt. This one here is about , a yellow line of communication being re-established. What adds to this is the directorial choices - the yellow flag is waves around before they connect themselves with a yellow line (hose) - as a piece of directorial foreshadowing I am in love - its telling us the Buck is the one who is the creator of the yellow flags (read his jealousy) and he is the one with the yellow rag (in the same way he was the one with the red rag previously), but that it will ultimately lead to Buck and Eddie reconnecting after those flags are raised and dealt with. I cannot stress enough the importance of that yellow line between them being reconnected - it really speaks of their communication improving and that we'll see them operating on a level we haven't seen before - they cut their yellow lines at the time when Eddie was changing his will, and whilst they have spoken on important topics etc since then, there has always been something in between them - they haven't had a proper full cards on the table conversation. My feeling is that we might be about to get that (especially combined with what we know from what Oliver and Ryan have teased!)

Then there is Chimney who is separated from everyone else by virtue of being the only one in a long sleeved shirt. If you watch the scene through, and pay attentiion to the background, you'll see all the firefighters in either short sleeve shirts or wearing bomber jackets. there is one exception - a guy carrying a medical bag who I'm pretty sure is meant to be a representaion of Hen's reinstatment to the 118 as he crosses Chim at the time Chim announces Hen has been reinstated!

Thats all from me this week - hope you enjoyed! I'm off to prepare myself for Thursday night!!!

Tagged peeps below!

@theladyyavilee @mistmarauder @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @mandzuking17 @spotsandsocks @loveyou2thecore @rogerzsteven @wanderingwomanwondering @oneawkwardcookie @leothil @copyninjabuckley @shammers86 @crazyfangirlallert @missmagooglie @katyobsesses @radiation-run @gayandbifiremenofmine @bi-moonlight @crazyaboutotps @princesschez75 @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @sherlocking-out-loud @tommykinarddd @satashiiwrites

[changbinsboobs]

Кто в SKZ является нейроотличным и к какому «типу» он относится

PLEASE THIS SUB-CLAUSE I BEG🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😔😔😔

Who in Skz is neurodivergent and what type are they?

Omg i just wann crawl into a hole and rot😭 i wrote SOOOOOOO much in this post. Sooooooo much!!!!!!!! And i went out of the app for a sec to check something and when i came back it was ALL gone😭 now i don't even wanna do it anymore😤 but still i have already committed so i guess im just gonna do it in a different format where i just give my quick opinion and then in a different post some other time explain in detail. I swear im so angry I've had this in my drafts for so long and everytime i start it somethmg happens and i camt fi ish it😭

*Also, put short, im not a professional nor a psychology major. This post is not based on tarot - all of it is based on my personal observations, experiences, opinions and the energy I've picked up from them from previous readings. Take it all with a grain of salt and remember i don't know the idols personally and i do not state facts. This is just a lighthearted post based on my opinion.

Chan - ADHD, OCD

He has mentioned the ocd himself while talking about red lights. He said tho that he thinks its not really ocd but something of that sort. In my experience ocd is heavily influenced by the level of dysregulation in your nervous system so if you're well regulated, even during stressful times, the ocd doesn't show as strongly as to be pathological. Once ur dysregulated tho it is definitely there and it depends on you how bad you let it get. So i for sure think he has it, its just not as intense for him to be diagnosed, which speaks good for him actually cuz i never thought someone under so much stress could keep himself so regulated, especially taking in mind his sleep and eating routine.

As for the adhd its just pretty obvious i think. Tho i believe he medicates it, espc since seungmin once mentioned something about chan having forgotten to take his meds today hence why he's all over the place.

Lee Know - On the spectrum

I did a long, long, detailed paragraph on autism and at the end described why i think lee know falls under it, but im so angry i don't wanna do it all over again right now. If you're interested on more details u can send a request and whenever i feel like it I'll do a post like that.

Changbin - On the spectrum

Same here, i just started to describe why i think he falls under the spectrum and then everything got deleted😭. Changbis paragraph is different tho. Why i think he's on the spectrum is because of his genius-like abilities in many if not all fields. He gives me wunderkind vibes. And i habe also picked up on him being the goat when he was a kid, but as he grows up the abilities and sureness he once had as a kid isn't there anymore or way less. Yk the autistic "trope" of being the wunderkind and them growing up into the burned out adult with so much lost potential. He give's me a bit of that vibe. He's also extremely sensitive and intuitive and has incredible attention to detail and patterns. He has such a unique sense for music and creation - in his field of music and rap he really is a genius. He calls himself a prodigy when little and i actually believe that (even if the members dont🥲😂) and even if he's very well liked by lots of people because of his great qualities as a human, he seems ufjfjf idk how to describe it. Like he's not integrated in with them (im talking about the group) but he's watching from outside. He's always the but of the joke, he's always the rejected one, he's always somehow different than them and doesn't quite fit in the group. In the sense that it feels like he doesn't get fully and completely accepted in a large group setting. I think he does grate one on one or in small 3 people groups, but once theres a small society - he's the left one out. I have so much more to say about all of this but once again - i think I'll leave it for another post when i get the inspiration for it.

Hyunjin - /

Han - Autistic for sure!

Yeah there's lots to unpack here to, cuz i habe so much "evidence" i think I'll actually might even do it on twitter as a thread cuz id like to include clips and stuff to be able to really analyse it, and here i cant really do that so - yeah look forward to it:)

Felix - ?

i have no fck idea to be honest. Maybe cptsd? But he also gives me vibes of dyslexia or something of that sort. Im not too familiar with it, so i can't say for sure but i have noticed he has speaking and learning problems so if you know any better than me please give suggestions. Cuz ain no way he's neurotypical. Also by speaking problems i mean I've noticed a difficulty in him of forming a coherent sentence or he just talks but its all nonsense.

Seungmin - /

I.N - /

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Change | Changing | Changed?

Sooo Ive read Change like 10 times and though I love ALL your fics, that one gained a special place in my heart as soon as you posted it. I really vibe with Roman (maybe I am autistic…) and I love projecting onto him and watching him suffer. Anyway I was wondering if you feel like it or had any ideas, if we could get a third chapter? Maybe more about how the others react to finding out what Patton and Janus did to Roman, or more protective Ollie! <3 – stealing-babies

Had this concept idea hit me: Patton (as part of being Thomas’s emotions) is hypersensitive to the effects of the other sides's rooms + the imagination. No idea what one could do with that but thought it was neat enough to share. – ax3-e0ns

Have you seen the new incorrect quotes? I feel like there could be some Roman angst/hurt/comfort potential, either with Logan or Janus, what with the stress ball or the 4am chocolate pudding scene – anon

Hey, I was wondering if you’d be interested in writing a fic where Roman’s actually the one who finally snaps and goes off on everyone about he himself has been treated? I don’t see enough of the boy standing up for himself for a change. No worries if not! – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: panic attacks/dissociation

Pairings: none

Word Count: 7191

Roman is over the top, bombastic, and enthusiastic. He is prone to fits of passion and emotional outbursts. Such is the nature of Creativity. But the others...don't like that. They aren't exactly ambiguous about it either. Or, Roman struggles to walk the line between being himself and being something the others can tolerate. It gets far worse before it gets any better. Getting better takes...a long time

The deepness of the Imagination's oceans vary according to the demands of its various creatures. On this day, when Red Prince is too quiet and a little too sad, Oliver the Kraken decides that the ocean needs to be as vast and monstrous as it can be. He takes Red Prince in his arms, cradling him against his bulbous body to afford him protection within his aura from the crushing depths, swimming down, down, down, past the shoals of fish and pods of whales to the hidden tunnel near the base of the great cliffs. The water here is icy cold, lit only by the sparse bio-luminescence of the deep-sea folk, briefly illuminating the jagged rock walls and mountainous sea terrain. Oliver moves through as silently as a monolith of his size can, Red Prince held delicately in the safety of his grip. As they reach the end of the tunnel, it begins to curve upwards, a faint violet light coming from someplace above the surface of the water.

The Kraken breaches with a soft splash in the hidden cavern, lit by the glowing crystals growing along the walls and the ceiling. Red Prince lets out a breath, sagging in his grip, his tiny fingers stroking the bumps and scars along his skin. The cavern rings with the quiet music of water lapping against the crystals and the slight breeze that blows through their hollows, interrupted by the sloshing sounds of him swimming toward the island in the center of this sheltered cove. Small piles of glowstone highlight the soft white sand underneath flowering trees. The faint smell of them wakes Red Prince from the stupor he had been in since entering the Imagination, and he reaches for them as Oliver nears the island.

"Thank you for bringing me here," he mumbles as he's deposited on a patch of pale green grass.

Of course, Red Prince. You know that you will be safe here, whenever you want to be. He shifts his arms around to prop himself up a little. I will not let any harm come to you.

"I know." Still, Red Prince shuffles a little, tugging his limbs close to himself. "I just—I suppose it's stupid."

Nothing is stupid to me, Red Prince, not if it concerns your well-being.

"Are—you like spending time with Remus too, right?"

Oliver burbles quietly, the water frothing around his arms. Yes, Red Prince, I do. And despite that, I do not favor him anymore than you.

The hidden meaning seen, Red Prince's shoulders relax and a small smile comes to his face. Oliver reaches out to lay an arm within Red Prince's reach and his hand rests on it. Little birds twitter in the trees. The crystal song changes pitch.

You need not fear anything here, he says again, and you may stay as long as you like. She-Who-Tends-The-Clouds knows you are here as well, even though she cannot get here. Is there anything else I can do for you, in this moment?

"I—I don't know." He curls up a little tighter. "I'm just…I'm just really scared. And it feels like nothing I do even helps make it go away."

The water bubbles again as his arms churn. What does it feel like? Does it feel like the type of fear that Green Duke makes?

"Sort of? I just—I keep waking up sick to my stomach like something bad's going to happen, like, bad enough that I don't want to wake up anymore."

That is worrisome indeed. The arm wraps around him and tugs him slightly back toward the water. I regret that I cannot hold you the way you might desire.

"This is great, Ollie, you're…you're great." Red Prince now sits near one of the piles of glowstone, turning to rest his cheek upon it. "I think I'm…I think I'm tired."

The bone-weary ache of his words ring through the cavern. A few birds flutter down to perch on the rock, making soft chirps as they run their beaks through Red Prince's hair. Red Prince's smile brightens just a smidge.

"Thank you, little birds."

You know that we all would gladly give you whatever you need, Oliver says, there is nothing you could ask of us that we would not try to provide to you.

"I know."

Although none of us have arms that would embrace you, would you like to be held still?

"Yes, please."

It would be our pleasure.

It is not a simple thing for a Kraken to embrace Red Prince, but Red Prince is sad and upset and in need of comfort, and so he takes two arms and wraps them gently around Red Prince and the pile of glowstone. The pile is not the most forgiving of surfaces, but glowstone is warm to the touch and yields ever so slightly if pressed. Red Prince does not seem to mind, closing his eyes as a soft sigh leaves his lips. The birds perch on his head and shoulders. One of them settles into the crook of his neck, a wing brushing his cheek. He turns his head and his lips brush the tip of its beak. It chirps.

"Not the most fairytale of places," Red Prince mumbles, "but I do like this a lot."

We do specialize in the unconventional, Red Prince, and if I may speak for the birds, we all are quite happy to stay here for as long as you need.

The ocean is vast and hungry, monsters swim its depths and light vanishes from the waters far before it approaches the entrance to the hidden cavern. But here, in the quiet light of the crystal cave, Red Prince is safe for the moment and Oliver is content.

***

At the very tops of the mountains, high beyond the clouds, grow small trees no taller than a bush that could grow anywhere else. The trees have soft and warm bark from the sun's warmth, for there is little cover up there amongst the flat planes of rock and stone. She-Who-Tends-The-Clouds nests at the very peak, between the trees, sleeping in the light of the endless spinning galaxies of stars. The wind blows cold in the darkness of storms alone, where the clouds can rise high enough to block out the infinite skies. Otherwise, the sweet warm gusts of wind waft the secrets of the valleys up, up, where she may peruse them in comfort and safety.

It makes it far easier to rest easy when she has her charge nestled against her chest, humming a quiet song to keep her company.

I have missed your voice, Red Prince, she says gently, I cannot say I have heard it nearly enough in the recent times you have come.

"I haven't really felt like singing all that recently."

I know, says she, and leans down to nuzzle her snout against his chest, is there anything I can do?

"Just sitting here with you is nice. I haven't really had a lot of places that I feel safe enough to just exist in for a while."

The now familiar tingle of irritation flickers down her scales and she lays her head down next to him, watching him fiddle with a small amulet—from the kindly man who lives deep in the woods, no doubt, he had long ago taken a liking to Red Prince and provided him with many gifts and trinkets. She puffs a small smoke ring. What is this one for?

"He said it was to bring a sense of comfort to me." He runs his thumb over the engraving, the shape of a blooming flower worked beautifully into the metal. "I don't know if it was just supposed to be figuratively or if there's some magic in it, but…I like it."

It is a most thoughtful gift. Partway between sentiment and practicality, is it not?

Red Prince smiles. "Yes, it is."

Then it is perfect for one such as you. She nudges him with her snout to make him chuckle. Perhaps he has been refining his gift-giving for you intentionally.

"I didn't come here to be teased," he protests, but it is only lightly, and she relents as soon as she began, turning her head to rest once more towards the edge of the mountain to sniff the breeze. "I…I said thank-you, and that I'd be…interested to learn from him."

Her ears prick up slightly. Oh? I did not know you would be interested in such a craft.

"I'm trying new things."

It does not take a dragon of superior wit and mind to know that Red Prince has long be afraid of sharing new things with Those-Who-Do-Not-Shape, and as such, has even hesitated to try something in the safety of the Imagination. Her chest warms with contentment, a low and pleased rumble thrumming through the surrounding stone. Red Prince smiles. She turns once more to press her snout into Red Prince's stomach.

Words cannot express how pleased I am to hear that, Red Prince.

"Yeah," he says quietly, "I know. I…yeah."

The breezes forgotten for the moment, she sighs happily and lets Red Prince run the medallion across the ridges of her snout. I do not wish to push you, but I have questions if you would answer them.

"I trust you."

I will not abuse it, Red Prince, you have my word. She shifts her tail to curl it around him, adding another degree of safety even atop this mountain where none else would dare to tread. Does Green Duke still help you?

"Remus is great. He's—he's really helpful, he's—I wouldn't—I don't think I'd be able to do any of this without Remus."

What does he do to help, if you would tell me?

"He helps take the heat off me when I need it, or he's always there to help me escape if I need to. He also helps me explain what's going on with me or—or if I need to do things a different way than what they want."

I see. Are you…safe with him?

"I've never not been safe with Remus."

She lets out a quiet growl, not quite a reprimand, not quite not a reprimand. You were frightened when he came upon you on the grass, where The Deep One and I were tending to you.

"Yeah, but that wasn't—that wasn't really because of him, it was…I think it was…"

Even now, just speaking of it, Red Prince hunches in on himself, curling up in the lea of her. With another soft rumble, she moves them a little closer to one of the small trees, affording him something to clutch if he needs it. He rests his cheek against the warm soft bark, taking in the shade. She gives him the time he needs, but keeps up the gentle rumble of her breath to ground him.

"…I was scared of him being there because the others would—because I thought they would just immediately be mad at me, not because I thought Remus would hurt me."

And the others, do they still frighten you?

Red Prince lets out a long sigh, slumping against the tree and her chest in turn. He looks like the little child whose favorite toy has floated away in the river, and the old man who has seen a thousand thousand years and still must watch the sunrise.

"Yes," he says with that voice of infinite sadness, "every day."

I am sorry, Red Prince, that I cannot always protect you from the hurt they cause you.

"It's not your fault. I know…I know most of it's my fault."

No, she says firmly, raising her head up to look him in the eye, it is not your fault, Red Prince, you are scared and hurt, and that is not and never will be a burden that falls on your shoulders and your shoulders alone. You are scared, that is true, and you are hurt, that is true. But you have been taught to be scared and hurt, and you are far too gentle of a soul to have done that to yourself.

Red Prince sniffles and oh, her intention was not to make him cry, and so she leans forward to gently lick away his tears. He tucks the medallion into his pocket and hugs her back, the tears subsiding quickly as he falls into a doze against her heat.

You are welcome to come back here, Red Prince, whenever you need.

"Will you take care of me like this if I do?"

Yes, of course I will.

***

Patton sits next to him on the couch and Roman immediately tucks the medallion into his pocket on the far side of his leg. He can tell by the way Patton shifts that he notices it, but doesn't say anything. Remus comes over a moment later and sits on his other side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pressing a smacking kiss to his head.

"Hey, Roro."

"Hi."

"You doing okay today?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Across the room, Janus gives him a look but doesn't say anything. After another moment, he gets up and ruffles Remus's hair, kissing Roman's forehead. Roman tenses a little and Janus doesn't seem to take any offense, moving away and sitting next to Logan. "Well, shall we decide what movie we're watching tonight?"

"I'm partial to something along the lines of The Imitation Game," Logan says, looking up from his notebook, "but I am aware that we've been going with my choices quite a few times over these past few weeks."

"I'd be down with watching that," Virgil says, "but I think I'd rather—I mean if we're throwing out choices, I wanna put Pacific Rim out there."

"Ooh, I do like watching giant robots punch giant aliens." Remus nudges Roman. "What about you, Roro?"

"Um, I don't really have an opinion right now."

"Okay." Janus says quickly before anyone can say anything else, "that's fine, sweetie. What about something like one of the documentaries we've been working through?"

"That sounds great," Patton says, but Roman can tell he's still looking at him, "Roman, does that work for you?"

"Yeah, I like documentaries."

"Settled, then." Logan stands up and fetches his laptop, beginning to hook it up to the TV. "Roman, would you mind helping the—"

"Yep."

He doesn't give anyone the time to say anything else, immediately going over to Logan's side to fiddle with the cords and make sure everything's good. Behind him, he can feel the eyes creeping up his back and rounds his shoulders. Logan touches his back lightly in thanks as he finishes, quickly going back over to let Remus lie on top of him. Janus chuckles at the two of them even as Patton yelps, quickly getting up and going to sit by Virgil.

"Sweetie? Can I play with your hair?"

"Um, if you want to."

"Thank you." Gloved fingers begin to scritch lightly through his hair and he closes his eyes, letting Remus's weight sink him into the couch. The sensation is soft and makes his brain go a little fuzzy, and he thinks that maybe he'll fall asleep here, before the documentary starts…

"Is everything ready?"

Patton's voice wrenches him back to wakefulness and he knows that Virgil, Janus, and Remus can all sense it. Remus lets out a quiet growl, holding him a little tighter. Janus kisses his fingertips and ruffles his hair again. Roman keeps his eyes open for the rest of the documentary and there's a sickness curdling in his stomach that he can't quite shake.

"Hey," Remus whispers when the documentary is loud, "hey, Roro, just stay with me, okay? Just hang out."

"I'm trying."

"I know, and you're doing great. Hey, can you name all the colors on the screen right now?"

He turns his head and looks at the animals, the plants, the skies. "Brown…white…purple…green…blue…black, yellow, red, and pink."

"Hey, nice, good job." Remus nuzzles into his neck. "You're my favorite brother."

"I'm your only brother."

"So?" He nuzzles into him again and it tickles. "You giggling down there, Roro?"

Roman glimpses Logan glancing at them and braces himself to be scolded, but Logan only smiles fondly at them and shakes his head, looking back at the screen. Remus follows his gaze and huffs, flopping down like a cat and making a show of being comfortable while shielding Roman's head from everyone else.

"You're safe," he whispers into his ear, "you're safe, I've got you, nothing's gonna hurt you right now."

There's nothing like this in the Imagination, Roman knows, nothing like this comforting weight and warmth and safety that he can't really get from the dragon or Ollie or anything else. He curls into Remus and tries to lose himself in the documentary. It's interesting, something about how these animals have adapted to living in urban environments. But he sees a rat scurry through a dark, dank alleyway, and can't help but feel like he's recognizing something in himself.

***

"Remus," Logan calls, walking down the hall, "can I speak to you for a moment?"

"What's up, Lolo?"

"Can we…" He indicates Remus's door. "Would you mind if we spoke somewhere more private?"

Remus nods and opens his door, welcoming Logan inside. Logan fiddles with a notebook, turning pages back and forth. After a while, he sighs and looks up.

"I have a question about Roman, and I want you to know that I don't intend to cause him hurt by investigating this information."

Remus raises an eyebrow. "Well, this definitely doesn't make me incredibly inclined to help you."

"I don't think it's anything that you did, if that's any consolation."

"It's not, but proceed."

Logan sighs. "Can I have your word that you will not immediately attempt to cause me physical harm when I ask this question?"

"I will not immediately break your spine, no."

"Is that the best I'm going to get?" Remus grins a little two widely and he sighs again. "I suppose that's a yes. Very well: I am…concerned that something has happened between Patton, Janus, and Roman, and I don't know what to do."

Remus takes a deep breath and sits down, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What's he told you already?"

"Something stemmed from the incident between the three of them when Thomas was still uncomfortable with his homosexuality, but I don't know—"

"The 'incident,' is that what he called it?"

"…no, that's my word for it."

"'Cause it was a fucking incident, alright." He reaches out and grabs a squid ink sac. It bursts in his hand. "That was—shit, and you and Emo didn't learn about this until later, did you?"

"I was not aware of an incident until Roman told me about it recently."

Remus growls at him and he steps back with his hands raised. "You mean that Roman was physically locked out of the Imagination for months, and you guys didn't fucking notice?"

Logan's expression drops. The notebook clatters to the floor. "Roman was what?"

"How the fuck did you not know about it? The Imagination—shit, Lolo—"

"No, I knew that Roman didn't go into the Imagination for a while, but I didn't—I was not aware that it was because his entrance was prohibited. What—why—"

"Because Roman's existence hasn't actually been appreciated by everyone around here for a long time and things like stuff he needs to do to stay alive are viewed as privileges that can be revoked."

Guilt and regret tremble at the corners of Logan's mouth and he adjusts his glasses. "I know I have played no small part in this—"

"No shit."

"—but I didn't…Remus, you must understand, I never meant to…I had nothing to do with this. I didn't know. I wasn't—I don't—I wouldn't—Roman is Creativity, how would I—"

"I believe you," Remus says quietly, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, "I know, Logan, I know."

Logan lets out a shuddering breath, removing his glasses to rub his eyes. "I apologize. I did not foresee myself becoming this upset."

"Yeah, I know."

"The…the incident, if I may still call it that—"

"That's fine, yeah."

"—would I be incorrect in assuming that it was not the only one of its kind?"

"Well, they never tried to banish Roman from the Imagination again, that's for fucking sure." Remus shakes his head. "God, I've never—I've never fucking seen Roman like that before and I never want to see him like that again. But yeah, Lolo, I don't—you're smart enough to know that Patton and Janus have been holding some sort of power over Roman for a long time."

"Yes."

"That's not an accident. Roman's really vulnerable to stuff like that—and you need to know that I'm telling you this because if this somehow gets back to them," he continues, tightening his grip on Logan's shoulder, "I'm going to know exactly where it came from."

"I won't betray your confidence."

"You'd better fucking not. Yeah, Roro's the Ego—he's fragile in ways that Patton and Janus can exploit. Uniquely exploit, because Patton can feel what's going on in the Imagination to a certain extent, and Janus…"

"Janus knows Roman," Logan says softly, "and that is perhaps all he needs."

"Yeah."

"You said Patton can feel what's going on in the Imagination?"

"Well, Thomathy isn't exactly unaffected by what happens in the Imagination, nor is he immune to what his Ego does to take care of him. So when Roro's trying to make himself feel better, Thomas can feel it, which means Patton can feel it."

"So Patton knows when Roman's trying to cheer himself up."

"Yeah."

"How…how is this a bad thing?"

"Well, if you have a conversation with someone and they immediately run to make themselves feel better…"

Logan's expression shutters and his jaw sets. He adjusts his tie and covers Remus's hand with his own. "I don't know what else I can do for Roman, especially since I have contributed to the pain he has felt, but if there is anything, please, tell me?"

Remus looks at him, eyes narrowing slightly. He seems to be content by what it is that he's found, however, and nods sagely with a seriousness that seems almost foreign to him. Logan nods back and picks up his notebook.

"Is there anything else that I should know?"

"Not right now, I don't think."

"Can I…is Roman in the Imagination right now?"

"Why?"

"I…wanted to tell him that I had an idea for another board game I think he and I could play together. You could play it with us too!" They start moving toward the doors. "It's a mystery horror themed thing—"

"Sold!"

"Remus, I didn't even explain what it—"

"You said 'mystery' and 'horror.' Lolo, I'm in already."

***

"I'm sorry, he did fucking what?"

Logan puts his hands on Roman's shoulders and a different shudder goes through him, one triggered by the dry warmth as opposed to the near flinch in response to Virgil's shout. He leans into the touch as much as he can.

Virgil, of course, senses his fear, and quiets immediately, slouching a little to make himself seem smaller. "Hey, I'm sorry, Princey, I didn't mean to shout."

"It's okay."

"It's not," Logan says softly, "and that's alright too."

"L's right." Virgil even goes so far as to ease himself into a seated position on the other side of the room. "I know how bad yelling can be for you, Princey. I'm—shit, I'm just really upset for you right now."

Roman peeks out at him under his hair, surprised to see a soft smile on Virgil's face. After a moment, he holds out a hand, and Virgil gets up and ambles over. He sits down next to the base of Roman's chair, tangling his fingers with his. He gives a few reassuring squeezes and Roman squeezes back.

"Can I—so obviously I'm gonna try not to shout again, but can Remus keep telling me about this incredibly fucked up thing that happened to you?"

Roman nods. Logan squeezes his shoulder. He drifts away again, for he has no need to relive this more than he already does, focusing on the comfort of Logan's touch and the way that Virgil squeezes his hands every once in a while. Remus's voice stays low and even, but there's an undercurrent of steel that doesn't quite vanish even when the words never raise louder than the low thud of the wind against the walls of the Imagination's cabin.

"—incey? Princey?" Roman blinks. Virgil looks up at him. There's a furrow between his brows but he makes an effort to smile. "Hey, there he is. I'm so fucking sorry, Princey, that's fucked up. That's really fucked up, and I'm sorry that I've—I'm sorry that I've ever had anything to do with making this worse. I don't really—I'm not great with words, but I—"

Roman squeezes his hand. "You didn't do it to me, I don't…I don't blame you for that."

"But I've been doing the same sort of shit. Hey, hey," and here his voice softens a little when Roman goes to protest, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm not trying to run my own fucking pity party over here, I just—fuck, Princey, you're owed so many fucking apologies about all this shit, okay?"

A lump suddenly appears in his throat. He swallows heavily.

"Oh, hey, hey, c'mere…" Warm arms wrap around him and he's leant back into a strong chest. "Hey, it's okay, you can cry, Princey, that's okay."

"Shh, little one," Logan murmurs when Roman starts to try to apologize, "you're safe here. You're doing very well."

There's a soft thwoop sound and he peeks out to see Remus has summoned a massive mattress on the floor of the cabin. The windows are open, the late-afternoon breeze blowing in with the soft sweet smell of grass and flowers. Virgil and Logan must've had some sort of silent conversation, for he's lifted up into two pairs of strong arms and laid down on the mattress. Remus tucks a blanket over them and then gleefully flops down, much to the surprise and chagrin of the other two.

"Hey!"

"Remus!"

"Cat pile time, everyone hush and cuddle Ro."

Roman chuckles, a little watery, but snuggles into the midst of the three of them. Logan sighs, far too fondly, and presses a kiss to his temple. Virgil scoots a little further away so none of them are at risk of losing circulation, still holding onto Roman's hand.

"I vote that we don't talk about this anymore for right now," Logan says quietly, "all in favor?"

"Me."

"Also me."

"Yeah," Roman mumbles, "can…can we just stay here for a while?"

"Of course, little one."

***

"Sweetie," he hears distantly, "sweetie, it's alright, it's just me, I'm not here to hurt you, can you open your eyes for me?"

Roman opens his eyes. He's lying on the floor in the hallway. It's dark. Someone is leaning over him.

"Sweetie," he hears again, "sweetie, can you say something?"

"J-Janus?"

"There you are, my sweet prince." Janus smiles and cups his face. "Can I help you sit up for me, sweetie? I don't think the hallway is very comfortable at this point at night. There's nothing wrong with sleeping on the floor, believe me, but I think a fine prince such as yourself would be better suited to your bed."

Roman blinks again. "I'm…on the floor?"

"Yes, sweetie, you're on the floor. Do you remember how you got here?"

"I was…I was in the kitchen."

"Yes, that's right. You were making chocolate pudding."

"Why was I making chocolate pudding?"

A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "I believe you said it was because you've lost all control."

"That does sound like me."

He chuckles. "Now, sweet prince, can we see if we can sit you up? Come, come, lean on me…that's it, there you are."

Roman blinks a few more times as he slowly lifts himself up, holding onto Janus's shoulders. Janus slips more of his arms around his waist to help him, murmuring more encouragement in his ear as he goes. He lets out a sigh of relief when he sits up, leaning now against the wall. Janus crouches there with him, tucking his hair back behind his ear.

"Janus?"

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever for, sweet prince?"

"I was—I'm—I didn't mean to—"

"I'm not angry with you, sweet prince," Janus says gently, "I promise. I'm only worried—can we get you to bed?"

"I don't want to impose—"

"Sweetie, I'm not asking you because I have some obligation, I'm worried, and I want you to be safe in your bed so you can rest." He leans down and kisses his forehead and everything is fuzzy for Roman, and he doesn't know what to do, but warm touches are warm touches and he's always been weak to a soft voice with gentle words. "So?"

"…okay."

He leans against Janus's side as they move down the hallway, opening the door into Roman's room. He pulls back the covers and lies down, leaning to help tuck him under the sheets. "There you are, sweet prince, is that better?"

"Why…why're you only nice to me when there's no one else around?"

Something shutters across his expression before it settles on something terribly sad. "I don't know, sweetie. I'm—I'm trying to be better about it, but I seem to keep messing it up."

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Janus." His voice grows thick. "I don't know whether you're going to be nice to me or hurt me."

The bed dips as Janus sits down near his head, still carding his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, Roman. I'm so, so sorry."

"You hurt me, Janus," and now he begins to sniffle, "you—you keep hurting me."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I'm sorry."

Janus doesn't move away, not as Roman sniffles and sobs his way through saying how much pain Janus has caused him, not when he tells him how difficult it is to keep moving forward, not even when he says how scared he is right now, with his belly showing and Janus's teeth at his metaphorical throat. He just sits there, listening, pressing kisses to Roman's hands and cheeks.

***

"Patton?"

"What is it, Roman?"

"Shut up."

Virgil mutters oh, shit. Logan takes a deep breath. Janus's shoulders tense. Remus steps closer.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Roman says through gritted teeth, "shut up. You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You don't get to talk over me like that. You don't get to act like I'm just some good-for-nothing spoiled kid that doesn't know anything."

"Now, Roman—"

"No. I've had to sit here and have you talk at me for ages. You're gonna listen to me for once." His hands ball into fists. "You don't get to act like you're the one who's always going to be right. You don't get to do that, not to me. You don't get to act like I'm the one who always comes into this sort of thing with a preconceived notion of how it's going to go. I'm the one who's tried with you. I've tried so many times to just talk to you and you never listen to me."

"That's not—"

"It is. It is true, because every fucking time I have to walk away from those 'conversations' with bruises all over me because you can't be bothered to think about what your words do to me. Because they hurt, Patton, and you don't get to act like they don't. You don't get to act like you don't know what you're doing when you tell me I'm stupid or petty or a bully, you don't get to act like you're hurting me because you don't have a choice or that it's my fault I'm getting hurt."

Remus brushes against his arm. A silent keep going.

"You don't get to act like you don't know why I'm scared of talking to you sometimes, not when you've claimed the authority to remove my fucking coping mechanisms like they're some luxury that you think I don't deserve anymore. You don't get to hold that shit over my head like you have the right to it. No, I don't want to talk about this stuff with you. No, I don't feel safe to talk about with you, and no, I don't feel bad about saying any of that because it's true."

"Those are very hurtful things to say, Roman."

"It's hurtful to tell someone they're wrong when you haven't even taken the time to actually listen to them. It's hurtful to invite someone to a 'conversation' and then just lecture them the whole time. It's hurtful to hold someone's insecurity over their head for actual fucking years and use it whenever you want because it's a convenient way to make someone listen to you."

Patton just looks at him. Roman's breath suddenly catches in his throat. He's yelling at Patton. He's yelling at Patton.

"He's right, Patton," he hears Virgil say, "you're—I'm not gonna say the rest of us are blameless here, but you're really unfair to Roman sometimes and that's not cool."

"And now, how am I supposed to react to all of these accusations? Are you all going to gang up on me now?"

"We're not ganging up on you," Logan says, "the rest of us have barely said anything."

"But you're not disagreeing with Roman."

"No, we're not, because he's right." Remus squeezes Roman's shoulder. "And you know he's right."

"I don't think it's right that he's making me out to be this big bad guy who's trying to hurt him on purpose!"

"I don't think it's right to act like we don't know what they're talking about," Janus says softly, and Patton turns to look at him, "you know we've been unfair to Roman, Patton. We've been cruel to him, almost, and even if we didn't know the effects of what we did when we did them, I think we both know better now."

"Why are you looping me in with you?"

"Because the reason Roman was so receptive to praise and positive attention was because it was so foreign to him he didn't even think to question it," he says, voice a tad sharper now, "and there's really only one person who could've started such a thing."

Patton goes quiet for a long, long moment. Then he looks at Roman. Roman flinches just at that look.

"Roman? Is…are you…did I really make this a lot worse for you?"

Trap. This is a trap. This is a trap, this is a trap, this is a trap.

"You can tell me," Patton says, which doesn't make him think it's any less of a trap, but then Janus nods at him and he manages to swallow.

"Yeah," he mumbles, "yeah, it's—it's really bad, Patton."

Silence. Remus squeezes his shoulder tightly. There's a roar of blood in his ears. Distantly, he hears Virgil mumble something to Logan and Logan starts talking. They're all talking now, but Roman can't say a thing. He's so scared. He's so scared. He's going to pass out. He's going to throw up. He's going to have a sword thrust into his chest and split his ribs.

"Roman," he hears Remus say, cutting through the fog, "Roro, you did great. You did it, it's over now. If you need to run and hide, you can. We'll take care of it. It'll be okay."

He thinks more than says I can go?

"Yeah, Roro, you can go."

Roman's gone in the blink of an eye.

***

The forest is dark. There is no moon. The sky is black. The trees loom over the clearing. The wind is bitingly cold. The grass crunches and snaps. No living creature dares move.

Roman curls up on his knees in the middle of the clearing. The wind whips across his bare skin so harshly it feels like a blade. In the dark of the night, there is no refuge from the biting cold, no place where he could go and be free of the pain ravaging him inside and out. Breath shudders out of him in pitiful clouds of steam. He shakes and trembles.

The reverberations of the approaching footsteps are so powerful that he feels them deep in his chest.

With jerky movements, he looks up. It's difficult to tell at first what's different, just because the mass is so large it's hard to distinguish it from the surrounding sky, but as he moves, the faint silhouette of the wolf becomes discernible from the forest. Glowing eyes gleam down at him, light reflecting off of the fangs, as the enormous paws come to a stop right in front of him. His head bows, his snout lowering to breath warm air across Roman's frigid form.

The wolf, unlike the other creatures in the Imagination, does not speak. Not in the way that Oliver or She-Who-Tends-The-Clouds speaks. But he knows Roman, more perhaps than any aside from Remus, and so he needn't speak to be able to communicate. He leans down, taking Roman's limp form in between his giant teeth, beginning to carry him through the woods. His tongue presses against Roman's freezing arms, trying to convey some warmth back into him, but he is too massive and too focused on carrying him to safety to be able to do something more right now.

There is no fear sweeter than the kind that curls in Roman's stomach at this moment, for what could be more terrifying than the one that carries him in his jaws? They move through the dark forest, over fallen logs and past trickling streams, deeper still into a thicket where the warm air from the valleys below has created a dense fog. A few skittering noises as different small critters move away from the wolf's path. They reach the base of a cliff and he recognizes the entrance to the wolf's den.

He's carried into the den, laid down on soft moss next to a small fire. The warmth licks at his limbs as the wolf lies down with a growl, circling him with his bulk. Roman turns and snuggles into the soft fur of the wolf's belly, hearing another soft growl that sounds almost like a huff of endearment. The fire snaps and crackles, a soothing noise as the wolf's heart beats steadily against his side. He continues to let out low huffs and growls, reassuring Roman of his presence and safety in this moment.

The fear re-surges. He retches, clapping a hand over his mouth. He curls up tighter, as if he could squeeze it from himself. The wolf growls again, a little louder, and his tails flicks up to almost cover him as though it were a blanket. He knows it is ridiculous to be scared, here, between the paws of the wolf, but he is only small and cannot help it.

Another huff of breath and the snout pushes against him.

I know, he thinks, I know it's okay to be scared, but I—I—I—

The wolf rumbles again, tongue darting out to lightly lick his hand.

Can I just be scared? Is that okay?

Another rumble, and this time he feels the wolf shift slightly so he can curl better around him. He noses gently at Roman's head, lapping at his hand again, his tail lightly tickling under his chin. He closes his eyes and leans into the gentle attention, letting the wolf protect him. The sound of the fire soothes the frantic part of his hindbrain, the fur too tempting not to burrow into just a little. He's barely the size of a thorn in the wolf's side. The wolf rumbles, lying his head down and leaning it against him so he's pressed in on all sides.

The sickness recedes ever so slightly. Exhaustion quickly replaces it. The wolf breathes slowly. Roman turns his cheek to rest against the soft fur.

***

"I just don't understand!"

"You're hurt because Roman has expressed that you've hurt him."

"Well, yeah!"

"I don't think you get to be mad at him for that, Patton."

"I'm not mad, I'm just very disappointed that—"

"Okay, no, you don't get to do that either. That's not—Patton, the reason this got as bad as it did is because Roman doesn't feel like he can express that he's upset. At you or anyone else."

"But that's—how is that fair?"

"Okay, I think we're going in circles here—look, Pat-Pat, the point here is that Roro's upset—rightfully so, and he needs to time be upset about it now that he knows it's safe for him to be upset."

"It's always been safe for him to be upset!"

"No, Patton, it hasn't."

"Not when we've been jumping all over him for just expressing how he's feeling."

"He knows he can come and talk to me, he does! I don't understand why—"

"Patton, when was the last time Roman sought you out? To talk to you, or even just to hang out?"

"…"

"Patton?"

"…oh, no."

***

It takes a long time.

Roman spends a lot of time in the Imagination. Patton can feel it, can feel how hurt Roman is and how Thomas must be feeling by association. Everyone spends more time just…existing around each other without actually doing anything.

It takes a long, long time.

Fear never completely goes away, but it does become a little less omnipresent. Pain fades, or dulls, but the memory still causes flinches.

In time.

In time.

***

"Roman?"

"Hm?"

"Any ideas?"

Roman glances up at the others. They're all looking at him expectantly. Logan raises an eyebrow and gestures for him to go on.

A slow smile spreads across his face.

"Well, I did think of something."

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[sidebaxolotl]

Do you know of any good resources for dealing with gender dysphoria from a side B or Y Christian angle (i.e., not affirming sin or encouraging transition?) It's not huge in my life but sometimes it comes up and I wish I had more advice for dealing with it. A lot of the stuff I find is unhelpful because it's just plainly restating the rules with how Christianity doesn't condone gender ideology with no practical advice, is in that "how to talk to your friend who has this issue" pov, or just kinda goes "lol pray about it idk". I 100% know and stand by that biological sex is biological sex and don't think it's possible to change to the opposite sex, nor do I really want to... so it's not a matter of needing to persuade me, but it doesn't change that I still have feelings of stress and of not really living up to or fitting in with womanhood. When I'm around other women it can be really difficult because I feel so profoundly different when we should be similar. TIA

Sorry this took so long, I took the time to talk to a couple of people who had dysphoria in the past and some who didn't to get some insight.

Both the people I had talked to who had it had cited porn as a major reason why they developed it in the first place so if thats not ur experience then maybe this wont be as helpful for you 😅

They did bring up a good point that assessing where you think your dysphoria comes from from a psychiatric standpoint could help you figure out how to deal with it and i was given this link:

https://oncurrentevents.substack.com/on-gender-transition-and-psychiatric-disorders

Like for example it was pointed out to me that gd presents a lot like body dysmorphia (specifically, like eating disorders and stuff) so u might be able to use whatever coping mechanisms are used for that to help. It also seems to be a prevalent phenomenon in autistic and adhd individuals so perhaps addressing those things if you have them would help.

I was also linked to this book, the friend in question had remarked that it had helped a lot of the women he knew:

https://a.co/d/6DNWdA2

The guy I talked to said therapy had helped him as well as support from God/ his family but finding non affirming therapists that have a nuanced view on things is extremely difficult, esp if you want a Christian one. Him and I were extremely lucky in that way.

The one woman i spoke to said she quit porn and sobered off gd feelings once she realized transitioning wouldnt truly make her a boy.

I did want to be a boy when i was really young but im not super sure that counts? Idk.

For me what helped was realizing a lot of what made me not want to be a girl at that time was just a reaction to stereotypical gender roles and sexism towards women. Once i started challenging those perceptions and the ways my brain was affirming them i became way more comfortable in my body.

I also had a similar realization as sibling that I'd never truly be able to be a boy if i tried to alter my body. I could wear blue and be the night in shining armor and be a hero and still be a woman, yknow?

Also a lot of it was me being very gay and not realizing it lmaooo

I can def relate to not really fitting in with women--particularly in Christian settings I'm typically the only one who isnt hyperfemme and it can be a bit alienating.

Realizing i wasn't straight kinda helped too since the lesbian perception of womanhood is a lot more fluid than its straight counterpart. Not saying to "go gay" if you aren't but maybe looking into butch and gnc communities and framing your self-perception in that way might help?

If there are any other side b dysphoric folks reading this feel free to chime in with your own tips/resources in dealing with this stuff please!!

[losergames]

natasha telling me that jonno can hump whomever he wants, telling me, his assistant, behind closed doors…yeah i get it..i can read between the lines, don’t worry miss, I’ll make that man have a sexuality crisis don’t you worry🫡🫡 (can’t wait to see more of Natasha and jonno together, evil threesome when?)

Just found your work yesterday and I really enjoyed myself playing it! The start of the story really gets you drawn in immediately and I really enjoy the realism of the MCs life. Originally I thought my character would be a bit more charming and intrigued by the crime aspect, but then when I started playing he became an autistic mess who tried to run away every chance he got and did not want to do this😎 which normally would be a problem because he has to engage in the crime But the way you’ve written being 25+ and stuck in a job that you don’t like, the money stress, the inherent loneliness of seeing your friends thrive and grow while you stay stagnant…(first of very relatable ow) but then it gets easy to go yeah of course he’ll commit to doing crimes. It’s scaring him shitless, but…It would make you feel like you have some control over your life when it feels like your life just happens to you, just based on that its worth it. Seeing a group of people work together and hangout together when you have one friend who you’re growing apart from..again of course you jump into it. Plus money is a very nice bonus.

Idk I just love that the story works no matter how you play it and I love exploring that stuck in life aspect in fiction, since I can’t seem to figure it out in real life atm haha. You’ve truly captured something special and I’m looking forward to further updates! And I can’t wait to get to talk to KJ again because him x the main character dynamic possibilities are just mwah mwah. Thanks for your hard work!

anon it's like u read my mind... like, who wouldn't want to accidentally fall into the world's weirdest threesome with your boss who you hate and his fiancee you also kinda hate

and thank you so much! it's so nice getting messages about the game where the reader really just Gets it y'know. augh!!! genuinely it's really touching knowing there is someone who's on the same wavelength as me haha -- so thank you! you've given me a great boost and i hope i can continue to write more for you <3

[thequietkid-moonie]

Class 3-E with an autistic classmate

[ PLATONIC HEADCANONS ] [ All Class 3-E ] [ Assassination Classroom / Ansatsu Kyoshitsu ]

More comfort headcanons with one of my favorites classes again!! :D

Also, is being a while since I last see the anime so i hope I made this right!

Being in class E is already bad enough, so the class will be pretty protective over you. After Koro-sensei became their teacher everyone began to warm up with each other, and you won't be an exception

Koro-sensei will make sure to explain to the class everything they have to know about autism and even teach them sign language

They understand how feels being underestimated and treated like a fool, so they always make sure to treat you as an equal (and that you feel like one)

If the sound of gunfire its too much for you Koro-sensei will make sure to give you earplugs or headphones/ear defenders, and will always carry some with him in case you need them

Everyone is trying to make the classroom more comfortable, so they'll make sure to considerate you in it, making sure not put anything overwhelming

Everyone will make sure you never feel left behind, always inviting you to participate in their plans, both of murder and those of hanging out (especially Kayano and Kurahashi )

If you need help with climbing the hill or improving your skills they will help you out

It isn't new for the class to have problems with the school grades (is the reason why they are here), so the class along side with Koro-sensei will help you with the subjects that you have the most difficulty paying attention to. Also Koro-sensei will help you by explaining the topics relating it to your special interest if necessary (just like he did with Takebayashi)

If you go no/semi verbal (or just don't feel like talking) they can do the talking part (like with Nakamura, Sugino and Kurahashi, they are pretty talktive). They don't judge and they are kinda used to since some of them are more quiet (Hayami and Chiba don't really talk so they pretty much understand you)

Also there are some students who have problems with social skills too (like Okuda or Itona), so you may can learn together about it.

I think Isogai and Sugino will be the ones who always ask you if you're alright and if you need anything (Isogai is a gentelman and Sugino is super friendly and caring)

Also Nagisa is a really observant person, so he will learn to read your body language and can tell when you're getting overwhelmed, too stressed or something its making you uncomfortable, in those moments he will inmediatly help you (either getting you out of the situation or just distracting you)

If you have problem to understand something they said, they don't have problem to explain it to you, and you can always ask Ritsu to explain it (I mean she's an AI so she can explain it in different ways and in depth if you want)

Since there is a forest around the classroom you probably can find a lot of things to stim with or just go and relax. If you don't want to go alone you can ask someone to accompany you (they won't mind)

We know Class E is bullied for all the school, but if someone is bullying you for your autism they will defend you if you need it (Okano, Kataoka, Terasaka, Yada and Fuwa will always be the ones how stand up first), also that person automatically become Karma and Nakamura's target (along side with the rest of the class, but we know how sadistic they are) Nobody mess with class 3-E and gets away with it!

When they changed the sports uniform Bitch-sensei makes sure it was made with a material you feel comfortable with!

[ldrfanatic]

Hiii! How are you?

Milk with slytherin boys please?

I apologize in advance this is my first time making a request so i hope its ok :)

Physically: i'm short 5'0, i have fair skin, rosy cheeks, i'm a little chubby, i have an hourglass body shape, a little tummy, thicc thighs, i have a small button nose, a heartshaped face, foggy green eyes, hooded lids, i have meduim size lips? If that makes sense. I have dyed copper hair, bangs, a long wolfcut type of haircut, my hair go down to the middle of my back. About me: i'm French,i can speak english, sign language and learning italian. i'm funny. I'm autistic, and i have general anxiety disorder, i have verbal tics, i often do 'pop' sounds with my mouth or reapete things out loud sometimes on a loop, (TW: I grew up in an abusing setting and i have scars, bad ones, especially on my back.) I'm insecure. My love language is giving the bigger half when i'm sharing, or giving anything really. The Way i liked to be loved is through words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm very forging, I like to make my own opinion on people, i'm the mom friends. I have a short temper when i'm stressed, i am very blunt, i'm not scared to speak my mind, of i like people i compare them to bugs or animals as they are my special intrests. If i had to describe my style it would be fairy grunge? Like long skirts, knitted sweaters (the soft kind not witchy cause few sensory issues), converses or sandales, golf jewlery i can also be dressed in full black, form fitting maxi dress with new rock or naked wolfe type of shoes. I love music, anything. And i mean it. Pop, alt, rock, metal, screamo, indie, country, rap. But mostly 2000s 2010s music for the nostalgia. My favorite s'ingère is Billie Eilish. I love doing crafts, i do crochet, i love reading books (dark romance/fantaisie/fiction) i'm a 'nerd', i love happy Potter, lord of the rings, the Hobbit, i love vampires, i love video games, such as animal crossing, SIMS unpacking, and cozy games but as the last of us, the walking dead, until dawn, the quart etc. I have a black cat. I'm a picky eater, potatos are my safe food though, i'm more of a sweet person than savory, brownies are my favorite desserts, I smell like vanilla. Roses and hydrangeas are my favorite flowers. I love trinkets, i collect pretty much any pretty thing i find, twigs, Shells, rocks, little lost things like beeds, crystals, sometimes little toys. I love plushies, i have a teddy bear and a white tiger. I'm a night owl. I love looking at the moon (i have a moon phase tattoo between my boobs. And sun tattoos around my nipples ) i also love taking pictures especially polaroid of people and animals :)

I hope that was enough, thank you for taking time out of your day to read, and thank you for writting.

Again, CONGRATS ON THE 1,000💕💃🏻

Much love ♡

Thank You Soooo Much @alygatorcow !!

1000 follower celebration my bookcase

This one took some thinking but I’m gonna pair you with our sweet Theodore Nott. I know what you might be thinking but hear me out.

Theo is a little tall but he lovesss having short girlfriends. (even if you were 5’7 tho he’d still adore you). Theo likes that you’re all cute and little and he can just hug you and you fit so easily in his arms. (I have a tall bf yall and he tells me all the time how cute and “widdle” I am).

He also adores your figure and won’t accept anything else for an answer. His mother always taught him that the most important thing in a woman is a good heart. really though, he just loves thick thighs and likes having something to hold onto.

Theo thinks that it’s really hot that you can speak French. He helps you learn italian and you try and help teach him french but he struggles enough sometimes with english so that endeavor was quickly put on hold.

At first, the noises you make are very foreign to Theodore, but once he understands them and you, he comes to appreciate them as just a part of who you are and he loves you for it.

Growing up with his father, who used to hit him and his mother, Theo also has scars. He doesn’t like to talk about them but he will with you if you want him to. More than anything, Theo tries to comfort you. He knows what it’s like to have that sort of background and when people get angry, he knows that it comes from a place of care but also he realizes that he always finds it more helpful when people are just there for him rather than when they get angry. So that’s what he does for you.

Finally, Theo loves your tattoos and your style. He really has a thing for your long skirts he thinks they make you look very fairy like and ethereal. He’s not a night owl I wouldn’t say, but it’s very cute when he tries to stay up as late as possible with you. His eyes will get all droopy and his accent will get a little thicker. He will however, do really sweet romantic gestures for you that are very personal like creating or buying you a display case that you can put all the stuff you collect and he will listen to you talk about all of it for hours on end.

theo’s nicknames for you include:

- love bug

- piccola fata (little fairy)

- sunflower (given to you after a particularly cute little date to a sunflower field)

tysm for this request!!! tysm for being a follower and let me know if I got anything wrong. I tried to include as much information as possible without making it like a book for you to read 😅💚

[astranite]

Edges of the Universe: Part 2

Scott and John :)

Part 1 // Ao3

The tags in summary: Hurt/Comfort, this is what it is fundamentally but we do dive into the angst and the fluff, Autistic John Tracy, Scott Tracy has ADHD, Scott Tracy Has PTSD, Autistic meltdowns, References to Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Chronic Illness, that's how i'm treating John's space issues, this is all written from a disability and neurodiversity lens and lot of my own experience, there's alot going on but there's also alot of love here, and acceptance, its about hope its always about hope ultimately, things are hard and they wont just fix themselves but it does get better, we just have to keep hanging on. all of us you and me together, its not a straight line there are alot of up and downs and emotions in this fic, as in life and everything because thats whats its like but its not impossible

@idontknowreallywhy thank you for all.

---

“You alright?” Scott asked, “And I’ve brought takeaway if you’re feeling up to it.” 

“‘S only a headache,” John mumbled.

Scott’s hand gripped his shoulder more firmly. “Seems like some headache, Johnny.”

“Don’t.” 

John couldn't handle even the gentle ribbing right now. Or Scott needling him about what the hell was wrong with him to make him admit to it, which was pretty hypocritical coming from Commander ‘I’m actively bleeding out but I’m Fine.’

John sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. That wasn't fair on Scott. He was getting better at letting them in when it was needed. All the smothering came from a good place of looking out for little brothers prone to getting themselves into trouble, and John also had a history of being less than honest about exactly how ‘Fine’ he was.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard of the bed as the blurry dark crowded in at the corners of his vision at the rush of his blood pressure dropping. Because he, Thunderbird Five, head of communications for IR and an astronaut breaking records for space hours and expertise, had really pushed himself today. Went totally wild with it. He had, he checked his mental notes, landed on Tracy Island yesterday evening, sat in the passenger seat of Tracy One as Scott did all the flying to get here and immediately clocked out as soon as they got to the hotel. Then attempted to attend a meeting today. Wild, he bit out in sharp, sarcastic thoughts. Maybe that ignored the busy week he’d already pushed through. Even if he usually had to rest the day after the rough descent down from orbit because that was what his body needed and that was meant to be okay.

John reached over to flick on one of the bedside lamps to make it easier on Scott. He squinted in the brightness but it was better than the main light. In the background was the rustle of biodegradable bags and the distinctive snap of takeaway containers being opened: Chinese, from the place he and Scott had really liked the last time they were here, predictable so he wouldn't have to deal with trying something new.

Objectively, the food smelled good but John’s stomach turned. He spent several amusing minutes poking at his noodles, trying to figure out whether it was merely his usual space issues or he was coming down with something.

Scott bumped his shoulder ever so gently. “I got the not too spicy ones for you in case you weren’t feeling so good.”

“Thanks, Scott.” John’s voice came tiny and squeezed out. 

He picked up a mouthful and they were okay, it was him that was at the point of so hungry he was nauseous, and Scott had realised that he hadn't had lunch or dinner and made sure to bring back food John would like. Because he was thoughtful and he cared, and John had the best big brother so why did that make him want to cry?

They ate in silence. Companionable silence. It was kinda nice actually, just sharing space with Scott.

John did not cry all over his brother and his noodles. He would’ve gotten his tablet to read on and distract himself except he’d need his glasses which were in his bag, though he could turn up the font size, except the headache made staring into a bright screen currently unpalatable, so the entire point was moot.

He tipped his head back, resting it on the wall, then turned to Scott.

Scott had scoffed his entire meal far too quickly, shovelling noodles into his mouth with his set of chopsticks, whilst scrolling on his phone. Hair falling out of its careful gelling, top buttons of his blue business shirt undone, meeting out of the way and laughing at something inane, he seemed far more relaxed than this morning. Share space with Scott was nice because he too rarely got to.

John looked away. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping an arm around them, rocking slightly before it made him too dizzy. He stared off around the room, mostly to keep himself from giving in to the urge to worry at the numb, hollow wound in his thoughts. To map out its shape and form, going over it like the hole left by a pulled tooth. To not drag himself into a John classic overthinking spiral, and attempt to ground himself or whatever. 

The room. Too much beige. Carpet, curtains, walls, really what were they thinking? 

John liked colour. He’d chosen the stripes running throughout Thunderbirds Five and his bright orange baldric with the matching narrower lines through his uniform on purpose. They broke up the monotony of whites and greys space stations were far too prone to and he soaked it up, everything from the stickers and few books in his little room to the colour coded holotabs that displayed each of his siblings’ vitals. Bright and vivid, they reminded him of alive, alive, alive. 

Here, even the abstract painting was nearly monochrome. Virgil would have a lot to say but John could only muster a vague disgust towards it. Or maybe it was mostly his mood turning to harshly critical.The place was nice enough, clean and neat, nearest to TI. They didn't need fancy. 

Hints of the darkened evening view shone through the gaps between the curtains in the form of city lights. John had watched the sunset in hours previous briefly paint the dimness of the room through slitted eyelids. 

There had been the colour he wanted, but he’d ignored it instead of opening the curtains up to the light like he usually would in lieu of visible stars. He had stared at the wall, drifting in his thoughts amongst the achy pain and exhaustion instead of choosing to do literally anything else.

And here he was overthinking, doing exactly what he wasn't supposed to be doing. Fantastic job, John.

Doors to the hallway and bathroom, both shut, John listed. Lamp on Scott’s bedside table, dark grey, not black, switched off.

The blue blanket Scott brought everywhere lay as a bright splash on top of the covers of Scott’s bed, a familiar sight no matter where they were.

They didn't have to share a room, with the large beds on each side where John took the one nearest the window under claim it would be better for the stargazing he wouldn't do because of the light pollution but would make Scott edgy from feeling too exposed and too far from the exits. His brother’s face had crumpled in relief before he’d gleefully bounced on his bed like he was totally still five, as John laughed with him. 

With their money they could easily afford two, could get the frankly a waste of money whole penthouse suite of rooms, but they didn't need to. And it was nice to be close.

He and Scott hadn't regularly shared a room since before Alan had been born, and John was fully aware that as adults it would drive them both mad within a week, but on the occasional business trip or even rarer holiday, it was nice. Waking up disorientated and jet lagged in the middle of last night, he’d fallen back to sleep to big brother’s calm, even breathing. Plus Scott could look over and reassure himself at least John was here and okay, as substitute for checking in on all his little brothers before he turned in.

…it had actually been a bit after Alan had been born that the rooms had been shuffled. When it had been Mum and Dad and baby Allie he had to sneak past to go stargaze outside for a few months until Alan was big enough and got the cot, sharing a room with Gordon. Then it was him and Virgil so Scott as the eldest, encouraged by Dad, could have his own room. 

Virgil was a lot quieter and less prone to dragging him into crazy schemes, and John had loved sharing a room with him, of course he did, but something had still ached as he helped take Scott’s aeroplane posters down from between his glow in the dark stars to put them up on bare blue walls that smelt of new paint. Virgil had never woken up when John went to stargaze, no matter what he tripped over or how much he swore, so he never came with him on those forbidden midnight trips either. Scott had. 

But after Mum, because John was evidently all for following miserable trains of thought tonight, Scott technically had still shared a room with them. Just when no one, especially Dad, would notice. John had woken up to the door opening after everyone else was asleep each night to Scott tiptoeing in to curl up on the floor between his and Virgil’s beds, wrapped in the blue baby blanket that had been Allie’s until it was put away but had originally been knitted by Mum for Scott.

John had always shuffled over to make room for Scott beside him. Scott shouldn’t be alone, he wasn't meant to be alone but everyone had known that evidently except for Dad. He’d always woken up at dawn when Scott left too…

Scott’s hand back on his shoulder startled him, and between the flinch he barely processed the worried, “Earth to John?” 

A wave of dizziness hit and John buried his head in his knees. 

“Sorry,” John mumbled.

“No apologies needed.”

Scott gently took the container of noodles out of his hand which he was holding and had kinda forgotten about, even as the pointed edges dug into his palm. John’d only managed half of his before he had to put it aside. Maybe later, if he got over the nausea. 

Scott held out an arm, giving John the option of being pulled into a hug. He swallowed and shuffled closer, then leant against Scott. 

[lucabyte]

hi im the anon who asked for ocs

thank you so much i love them so much

Im so happyy and gwaaghhh love your art and ocs so much and the worldbuilding seems so cool!!!!

erm i have not yet read all the linked things (hehehe soon SOOON) and literally would love to know even more about ALL OF THEM so uhhh *spins the wheel* tabitha

Hiiiiii!!! Cradles this ask in my hands like a baby bird. Thabmk you..... I have been staring at this ask periodically for days because I wanted to do some little explainer charts and do it justice for how kind you've been :')

Anyway!!! Tabitha is the funniest character to ask about first because he's like a fucked up little lodestone for MYMK's various factions.

Tabitha is.... A sleepy little (38 year old) guy. He has never done anything notable in his whole life ever.

... So he's the son of the richest man in the country. Not that he tries to think about that particularly often. His partner also doesn't think much about it since... Well, it doesn't really come up? Neither like their family so neither talk about nor visit them. And Chrome first got endeared to Tabitha after dragging his malnourished ass off the office floor a few dozen times when he'd passed out at work. He's clearly not bougie (and Chrome was relatively middle class anyway).

Eeeeeveryone else in Cliffside though (who's politically aware) is just, so suspicious of his sleepyhead ditzy guy demeanor. There's no way he's really that clueless and dim-witted.

Which... Is true. He's not dim-witted, just spacey and has internalised that all of his knowledge is worth absolutely nothing an undiagnosed autistic man who is finally in a low-stress environment.

So he's generally spending most of his days reading wikipedia, sitting in the sun on an unfinished porch, or doing the bare-minimum work he needs to pretend to still be employed. (He's still a music producer, just one that is very VERY derivative of his peers...)

(pictured: Tabitha bangin out the tunes)

But yeah! He's genuinely a chill dude. But once the plot gets rolling he does become an... Obvious hostage for the more dubious of our main characters. He's more fine with the hostage thing than the requirement he go deal with his family again.

But obviously things go a little awry when trying to use someone as a bargaining chip like this, even if they don't want to defect...

Which is where Tabitha's absoute UNINTENDED TRAIL OF DESOLATION rears its head. Turns out he uh, actually did have social connections before he up and vanished from all their lives? Turns out that um... You exist to other people?

Tabitha, high strung and basically constantly in meltdown mode in his late-teens early-20s did a lot of peacekeeping for his father. Peacekeeping between him, and the people that were Tabitha's childhood peers. It doesn't help that he was a good 5-8 years older than a lot of them, being somewhat of a cool older kid/teen/adult to look up to. And then! When he finally broke he just up and left, never really looking back.

It's hardly his fault, he was under a lot of pressure and was hardly properly socialised for this... But these are the sharks he'll be thrown to should he end up anywhere near his old haunts. Which he is. And will end up being. If he is perhaps brought there by our well meaning protagonists. Oops.

I like Tabitha a lot and he's a particularly deep side-character of mine. Functioning as an obstacle, ally, win condition... And very dangerous 'I'll kill everyone in the room and then myself' for Chrome should something happen to him. So be careful! He's fragile! And don't forget he has thoughts of his own, too...

I have a longer diatribe (Link!) detailing his whole backstory and meta-backstory (he's built out of psychoanalysed anime tropes!) so I wanted to talk about his actual um. Plot role and relationships outside of Chrome a bit! (BECAUSE HIS RELATIONSHIP TO CHROME IS VERY SWEET AND IS MY HOMEGROWN OTP BUT ALSO. THEY ARE CODEPENDENT. BADLY.)

He's fun because he is basically One Of The Villains who fucked off before too much villain shit went down. Which makes him silly as a supporting character. Gotta make sure he doesn't eat too much of the screen-time though.... (He gets enough in Purrgatorio...)

But yeah. Diversity win! This vaguely asexual autistic guy has managed to find a loving partner and a life that doesn't make his head feel like its filled with bees! It's filled with mostly cotton instead now but! He is okay.

Aaaand IMAGE BLAST

... Oh good lord Chrome and Tabitha will be turning 10 years old for real next year also. 11th of November 2015. What a time. Can you believe that I originally made him to be in his like, 20s? Fucked up. He should probably be older than 38 tbf but at this point the timeline is locked in. But god. 10 years. Happy upcoming birthday boys.

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[kissbentennyson]

Hello there, how do you do? ＼⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠)⁠／

I recently found your blog and got to say I was so excited to explore it, hehe! Nowadays it's hard to find some Ben 10 account so I was really happy when I come across yours.

Anyways though I wanted to request but since I got no idea for now I think might interact with you since you sound like any interactive person (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)

Yk what made you write for Ben 10 fandom since you know not many fall in love with their childhood interest later in life. Honestly I get into Ben 10 again when few days earlier my cousin was watching Ben 10 online and I end up watching one episode with him too and thus my old love for series and character rise again 🐀

Would like to see your answer. Anyways have a wonderful day ahead and don't forget to eat your meal. Byeeee!

Hi! I am so sorry it took me so long to see this! I have no idea how long this has been sitting in my ask box, I'm not active on this blog anymore. I was unaware that it's still getting just as much attention as it did when I was in high school. Just a warning, this is a very long response.

To answer your question, It's not that I fell in love with it later in life, but that I never stopped loving it.

I am autistic, and have had the same handful of interests since I was younger. Ben 10, Transformers, DC, Marvel, Devil May Cry, to name a few. Most of my interests were influenced by the people I grew up around. like my abusers. I also have a biological who is only two years younger than me. The two of us have always had the most of the same interests our entire life, but my interest in these things was always more intense than his. To the point my bio family found it annoying.

For context, we didn't know I was autistic growing up. We didn't have health insurance for most of my developmental years. It took being taken into foster care for my most of my health- mental and physical- to be cared about, addressed, and treated. It also doesn't help that my cousin (son of a very close family friend) is also autistic and we have different care needs. Because I didn't present exactly like him, my behavior was ignored. Written off as me being quirky, whiney, needy, annoying, antisocial, and stupid/ditsy.

Having the same interests as your younger brother is a doubled edged sword. On one hand, you always have someone to talk to. On the other, despite being more into something than him my interest wasn't taken seriously (because I am AFAB) and he was always got the toys and books (that he would never even read) about said interests. I always had to sit and watch as he got to enjoy things about our shared interest- and I was always left out.

I remember when my grandmother got him an Omnitrix toy that came with these tiny plastic figures of all of the aliens, and when you placed it on the Omnitrix, the toy would say the alien's name. I was so jealous, I wanted that toy so badly. But, siblings being siblings, if my brother found me playing with it he would throw a fit and get me in trouble. This caused me a lot of stress and anxiety growing up. Not just because It was invalidating, but also because I was being denied access to my special interest in a way.

However, there is one thing that my brother and I don't share. I love to read and write. To the point it was an actual problem when I was growing up. I would stay up on our bunk bed, reading and writing for so long that I would miss meals entirely. But, It was something they could never take away from me for force me to share with my brother. I have been writing about my special interests since I was in the 6th grade. Of course, my mother threw away most of it, and its all in notebooks rotting in some landfill now.

When I was 16, I made this blog and started posting reader insert fanfiction here- which I had already done for another fandom once before (@honeydew-mel0n). Actually, I was posting on both blogs at the same time! Before that, I had a Wattpad that I posted on (Still do, actually, haha.) I stopped posting on this blog after I graduated high school as I had collage classes to focus on, and eventually a job.

I no longer post here, not because it's no longer a special interest, but because I'm going to be 20 soon. I don't feel it's appropriate for me, as an adult, to continue to write such content about characters that are minors. It now makes me uncomfortable to do so. However, I am going to keep the blog up because many people like it and continue to read it. I'd never want to take that away from anyone. I do have a bunch of old drafts saved that I might post, but only if people would want to read my unfinished drafts. There is also a part of me that wants to keep exploring the Benzarro plot I was writing- but I probably won't

I hope this makes sense, thank you for asking!

-Sunshine

[babyspacebatclone]

I can’t believe it.

I can’t believe it.

I found it.

I found the fucking ABA textbook.

I found the thing that convinced me as a psychology undergrad that ABA was insane.

I can’t….

I can’t.

You don’t understand.

I’d almost convinced myself I was crazy, that I’d exaggerated this after a decade

But it exists, it was real.

This really was in the first fucking chapter. Of a book. Published in 2013.

This.

(This becomes a ramble, and not a cute raccoon version. Let’s add a cut for sanity.)

Edit: Let’s also move things around so this is discussable.

Please bear with me - this experience hurt me.

Context: Here is the Amazon ratings for this textbook:

4.5 out of 5 stars.

Reviews talk about its breezy, conversational nature, and how simply it breaks down behavioral principles.

This is true, and when I first encountered the book (then the 6th edition) in 2012 I was stymied.

The behavioral stuff made sense, and I could see the applications.

But the tone….. From that first chapter bashing Freud in the 2010s as though that were evidence about the efficacy of ABA, the philosophy of the textbook felt - arrogant, egotistical, dismissive of any other viewpoint in a way that was anathema to my personal therapy philosophy.

Then I realized the author had been 75 as I was reading it, and just chalked it up to him fighting a decades long fight he didn’t realize had been over - the need for scientific rigor in psychology - for decades.

Which made me confused as to why it was still being used without comment on the author’s… underlying batshitness, but I again chalked that up to the fact the grad assistant had to take over the course a third of the way through.

I just double checked, and the 3 ABA courses I took had been mandatory for my degree and not just recommended electives after the first because wow this fucking shit.

Anyway, my second of the ABA courses had been taught by an adjunct (someone who works in the field and teaches applicable courses), and made sense.

There was still some “everything’s programmed responses to external input” vibes, but that’s behaviorism and it felt more like a different philosophy I could respect but choose a different branch instead of a…. absolute that viewed me as an inferior being if I didn’t submit to their regal superiority.

In conclusion, I think the cognitive motivational theorists do psychology a service by raising the issue of avoidance contingencies in human affairs, but I think they get it almost completely wrong in stressing the suppressive effects of passive avoidance or punishment contingencies and generally ignoring the beneficial effects of active avoidance. In addition, I think they do our field a service by formally raising the issue of intrinsic reinforcers in human affairs, but again I think they get it almost completely wrong in suggesting that intrinsic reinforcers are all we need.

At the end of my rants, I like to add: Of course, this is only my opinion; and I could be wrong, but probably not. [emphasis added]

That is the actual fucking close of an actual fucking article Malott wrote in the early 2000s slamming on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

My mild misgiving about misunderstanding the intention of the textbook and the author???

Thrown out the fucking window in my third (and I repeat require course for my degree).

Which was taught by an equality elderly good personal friend of the author.

…

I have more I could add.

But I shall end this here.

This author is still treated as a member in good standing in respected ABA organizations.

After…. this bullshit just four years after the 7th edition of this “wonderful” textbook was published.

OG post below, only read the quoted section if you want to laugh, it’s fucking mid and doesn’t express why this individual is a piece of shit who should never have been allowed to fucking influence anyone, let alone be responsible for Autistic children, let alone teach people to fucking hate anyone not “perfectly logical” like oh so holy and superior them.

[begin quoted section]

WHY JUST A BEHAVIORAL VIEW?

Sid’s Seminar

MAX: I’ve been reading ahead, and it looks as if this book deals mainly with behavior analysis. It doesn’t say much about other approaches to psychology. Why not psychoanalysis, Freud, Piaget, information processing, cognitive psychology, humanistic psychology?

JOE: What do you expect? The title of the book is Principles of Behavior.

TOM: That may be the title of the book, but shouldn’t we be getting a broader view of the various psychological theories in this class?

SID: An interesting point. Psychology sure isn’t short on theories. We have Freud, Jung, Piaget, cognitive psychology, humanistic psychology, gestalt psychology...

JOE: The people in California produce a new pop theory almost every week.

SID: Here’s what I’ve found in teaching this course. I tried to cover all the theories, but the students were shortchanged. They didn’t learn enough about any one theory to really understand it, let alone make use of it. At best, they learned a few clichés they could use in making small talk. They didn’t appreciate or understand the theories. They gained no solid knowledge. They learned no useful skills. On the other hand, when I devote a whole course to a single approach, the students understand and appreciate that approach—both its strengths and its weaknesses.

TOM: OK, but why behavior analysis? Why not Freud?

SID: Because I’m a professional behavior analyst. Behavior analysis is what I teach best. However, I used to assign a chapter on Freud that I was excited about but my students couldn’t get into Freud. (To see the Freud chapter, go to DickMalott.com.)

JOE: Also, behavior analysis has more scientific data supporting it and can be applied to more areas than any other approach.

SUE: Professor Harper said if you want to study Freud, you have to go to the English department. He said almost no major psychology department in North America takes Freud too seriously any more.

SID: Here’s one more reason I concentrate on behavior analysis, rather than an eclectic approach. With a bachelor’s degree in general psych, there’s almost no job you can get using what you’ve learned about psychology. But, if you’ve had some training in behavior analysis, like what you’ll get in this course, you can get a job as soon as you graduate, using applied behavior analysis, if you’re willing to go where the jobs are; and they’re all around the country and starting to be all around the world. Most of these bachelor’s jobs involve working with children classified as autistic, people classified as mentally impaired, and people with brain injuries. (To find more about behavior-analysis job opportunities, go to DickMalott.com.) And we’ll study more about working with these clients throughout this course.

[end quoted section, available here to read in the context of the chapter it appeared in, the link is “POB Chapter 1”]

The entire. Fucking. Book. Was written with that insufferable ego.

This was my textbook for a 400 level course.

It counted as a prereq for the Masters levels.

Written by a man who…

…..

Wait one second, I just opened the author’s Wikipedia page and…

….

Fuck.

Did not know that.

If you don’t know this place:

There have been repeated attempts to shut down the [Judge Rotenberg] center by autism rights advocates, disability rights advocates, and human rights advocates. Other notable people who have opposed the center include Ari Ne'eman, Shain Neumeier and Lydia Brown. Organizations that oppose the center include the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, Disability Rights International, and Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth.

……….

I’m going to go chug some Diet Dr. Pepper, since I don’t drink alcohol because of the medication I take.

[krowbby]

yoooo discworld for the ask thing if no one's done that yet!

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Polly Perks or Agnes Nitt (agnes is so underrated, give my girl her flowers)

Least Favorite character: I'm not gonna pick a villain bc I feel like that's a cop-out. Sooo for more or less "good" characters I'd say Fred Colon. I respect the space in the narrative he inhabits but I wouldn't want to hang out with him

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Shipping isn't the main way I partake in Discworld tbh, but here goes - Pollymal (duh), Susan/Lobsang (what could've been... even just as a friendship!), Angua/Sally (yeah), SamSybil (pure fluff tbh), maybe Lofty/Tonker or Agnes/Andre (the pianist from Maskerade).

Character I find most attractive: Sally von Humpeding, baby! Snarky butch vampire? I never stood a chance. I just wish we got to spend more time with her.

Character I would marry: NGL being married to most Discworld characters would stress me out. I think Susan Sto Helit and I could have a good marriage because we're both educators and she tries so hard to have a normal life lmao.

Character I would be best friends with: I think Agnes and I would get along. That girl would love karaoke night

A random thought: I have mixed feelings about the new audiobooks. Some of them are good but the audio balancing is weirdly off between the narration and footnotes. I think they should have just got Nigel Planar to do all the books he hadn't done and same with Stephen Briggs so that all the fans would be happy /j

An unpopular opinion: Not as unpopular on Tumblr but Pterry isn't above criticism! He's clearly one of my fave authors and I think he did a lot of good writing but he obviously had faults and it does him a disservice to pretend he was some kind of saint.

My canon OTP: This one is hard bc there aren't actually a ton of canon ships in Discworld, but my fave is SamSybil. Mostly I'm just a ride or die for Sybil and Sam makes her happy so I will always ship it. Lofty/Tonker is also up there.

Non-canon OTP: PollyMal even though like its bascially canon imo. But y'all already knew this about me

Most badass character: Truly how can you answer this for Discworld. I'm gonna go with Tiffany Aching for beating the Queen of the Fairies at 9 entire years old! (I also read this when I was about her age so I have a soft spot for her.)

Pairing I am not a fan of: I am an autistic aroace Vetinari truther and so I simply cannot get behind V/V. I'm glad y'all are having fun with that though

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I wanted more Agnes. I think she was going to be the up and coming witch before Tiffany came on the scene and I LOVE Tiff but I still wish Agnes could have had a more concrete arc.

Favourite friendship: This should've been the ship question, I feel like friendships are where this series shines. Angua&Cheery is really sweet, Granny&Nanny is so funny and you can tell they care so much about each other.

I'm adding a question for my top 5 books in the series: Monstrous Regiment (duh again), Thief of Time (oddly a companion book to Night Watch, read it!), Carpe Jugulum, Wyrd Sisters, The Fifth Elephant. (I know the Watch subseries is the most popular, but guys the other books are so good!!!)