#(I'll still speculate in my own time but like I am honestly very very Done with Timeline Debates TM)

[welcometogrouchland]

Pacing around my room (metaphorically, I'm very much in bed) trying to sort out all my thanks to them thoughts. What is going ON in here (my brain)?????

[orcelito]

Rereading itnl to get back into the mindset for it and God Damn that first chapter really is smth huh

[ghostingkai]

I'm bored of Twitter and don't really post there much, so idk maybe I'll start using this blog more. I just want to talk about the spoilers so far for ch145--

OBLIGATORY: None of these details are confirmed until the actual chapter comes out, I'm basing a lot of my opinions on conversations from people who have already seen the chapter. What I've seen so far:

-There's a mirror world, though whether it's actually happening is unclear, it could simply be an illusion or a creation by Mikuni

-Touma is wearing a wedding ring?! AND DRIVING A FAMILY CAR? Has a son named Touma Mahiru?!?! WHAT?

-Touma and Tsurugi apparently don't know each other in this mirror world, it's unclear if Tsurugi is even around at all

-Someone mentioned something about "Shirota Mahiru" being unable to do magic, unlike "Touma Mahiru." I would love to see mirror world Mahiru as a training magician, that would be fascinating

-It honestly sounds like Touma has a happy and normal family life, which is just... what the hell is happening in this series anymore, I love it

-Some people have speculated that Misono is supposed to be born 'later' in the mirror world. Not sure if this is just their assumptions, or if that's really what Mikuni's plan is -- to create a world where Misono is never born to Mikado, so that Mikuni can father him later in life (even typing that has me dying lmao)

-Someone else mentioned Mikuni giving a mirror as his contract item (I'm assuming he was giving it to the Count, but that part wasn't mentioned)

"In the mirror world, where 'Shirota Mahiru' is actually 'Touma Mahiru'..."

Umm, excuse me, WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? So, assuming this works the way it sounds like it works -- Mikuni has either awakened the Count and managed to recreate an alternate timeline, or he's using some type of magic/illusion to show everyone what would happen in his ideal world. Either way, I'm referring to it as "Mikuni's mirror world" and I'm not gonna think about it too much farther than that until I've read the chapter myself >u>

First of all -- the idea of Touma being in a marriage with Akira is absolutely wild. Actually, thinking about Touma being happy is wild in itself lol. It sounds like he's part of an actual family unit, which I'm dying to see, but at the same time, it also sounds like he never actually met Tsurugi in the mirror world.

My initial assumption was that the mirror world was Mikuni's creation, and that the reason Touma ends up with Akira there is because Mikuni is, in his own way, trying to "correct" the lies that eventually brought everything to its current state.

But thinking about it more, I suppose it's also possible that if Mikuni truly is responsible for creating a world where Touma has a family, his reasoning could have simply been to deter Touma from pursuing his goal of resurrecting the Count himself.

It was mentioned in an earlier chapter that Mikuni and Lily involved Mahiru in everything because they were hoping that Touma would be unwilling to harm or kill his son in order to get to Kuro. When they realized they were wrong (VERY wrong lmao,) it's possible Mikuni thought that the world's "second round" would go much smoother if Touma didn't feel the need to resurrect the Count -- or if he had a closer bond with Mahiru. No one posting spoilers has mentioned if Mahiru even contracted with Kuro in this mirror world, so it's hard to say at this point.

I don't know... this is all just word of mouth at this point, but I am DYING to see this chapter. Did Tsurugi just not exist in this world? Or is he still there, walking around, with no bond to Touma whatsoever?

I don't know what's wrong with Mikuni anymore, and I'm done trying to figure it out, but omg it sounds like he's really fucking things up, and I'm here for it lol.

[dnalt-d2]

Recent Egg Developments, How I Feel About It, and What I'm Doing After

Alright I'm gonna stop being sad for like two minutes, or at least long enough to explain what exactly happened for those who missed it

So we had the Murder Mystery Event today, and a lot of people showed up. It was really fun, and we really enjoyed it

And then, after it was over, Richarlyson informed us that he was leaving QSMP. He did not give a reason as far as I know, and I don't think it's smart or fair to speculate. I have my own ideas as to why, but I know that sharing them wouldn't be productive

Not long after, over on Phil's stream, Chayanne and Lullah informed us that they were leaving as well. They did talk pretty vaguely about "The next time they wake up," but this could have likely been some flowery language and not literal. There's a strong chance they will not wake up in QSMP again

As of now, Pepito and Leo are the only Eggs confirmed to still be part of the project, but I'm not really sure what the future will hold for them

Like I said before, I am personally hoping this is a sort of indefinite hiatus. Like they're leaving and there's a strong chance they won't come back, but there could be a non-zero chance sometime in the future. I would not get my hopes up for this though, because the chances of that happening are most likely very slim

I am honestly really sad about this development, but we all knew this couldn't last forever. I wish we had a better resolution, but this is how things are for now. I don't know if this is related to the Admin Situation or not, but again, since that hasn't been confirmed, we shouldn't speculate. It's just as possible that they felt they were done with this chapter of their life, which is entirely fair. I will never hold this decision against them, and I really hope others don't either. I wish them the best, and I wish you all the best as well, QSMPblr

Because I'm honestly not sure where I'm gonna go from here. Chayanne and Lullah were a huge reason I was so invested with QSMP, and the same goes for all the other Eggs. And while I'd love to say that I'll definitely stick around 100%, I'm just not sure I'll do that. I guess we'll see, but if I start petering out after this, know that I had a hell of a time over here

I've never been part of a fandom to this capacity before, and I had a hell of a time. Theorizing, ranting, sharing my thoughts, it was all a blast. And I wanna say that I might not have interacted with others due to anxiety, but I was always so happy to see that people liked what I had to say, and seeing that some people were coming back for it, or going through my blog and liking everything. I may have never said anything, but I saw you, and I appreciate you all so much

I might start talking about more non-QSMP Stuff here too, so if anyone who followed me JUST for QSMP, sorry. But I don't want this blog to die out, because it's been such a fun chapter for me. It might be a new chapter now, but I'm still gonna be here for it

Thanks again everyone. Thanks Egg Admins, Non-Egg Admins, QSMP Creators, QSMPblr, and Everyone else in-between

And of course, Thanks Quackity, for making such an incredible experience

It's been a wild ride

[smaller-comfort]

It always comes down to the classics, right? Orpheus and Eurydice, never knowing who will emerge from the darkness with you; Pandora's Box, and the things you can't undo.

Anyway, here's the finale and the coda (which is like an epilogue except it's a musical term; when you play a coda, you go back to the beginning again see what I did there) wherein I go completely off the rails into wild and speculative AU territory. Look at those new pairing tags. I can't believe I quoted The Last Unicorn in the chapter summary. Utterly shameless.

Extensive notes below the cut, because I like to hear myself talk.

Monk is like a baby butch trying desperately not to fumble this sad divorced cougar a second time. It's fine. They'll figure it out. They might even be good for each other; there certainly aren't very many things that would make either of them worse.

A silly little joke about tomatoes evolved into all of this. Over 9000 words! There are themes! Or an attempt at themes, anyway, and an attempt at laying the groundwork for some sort of narrative arc from beginning to end. I tried to make each character scene tie together in some way; I hope I succeeded.

Ninja still doesn't know how to spell PTSD; I should probably add Ninja/A Fucking Nap (unrequited) to the pairing tags.

Writing this was a blast, honestly. Embrace the cringe, be free, write it weird and self-indulgent and unhinged. I keep laughing at my own jokes; this is the longest piece of fanfic I have ever finished and published.

I still might write the sequel where Ninja gets pegged properly. He deserves something nice.

The real epilogue is actually just Shopkeeper and Phantom taking turns curb stomping Resh'an in the void, because if they have to learn to live with their inescapable grief, so does he. This all kind of ties into another WIP I have on deck- I have to make sure I don't just directly crib any Shopkeeper's lines for Resh'an, because they're both out here doing horrible things hoping that the end will someday bring an absolution for the things they've done.

It won't, and they just have to live with it, anyway. I was originally going to have Phantom get into that with Shopkeeper in the coda, but I wanted to wrap things up neatly.

"Of course I did. How could I have ever sent it to anyone else?" The final scene didn't originally have Shopkeeper doing a secret identity reveal, but then that line got suck in my head and I figured why not make everything even more fucked up. (Still firmly in speculative AU territory, really. I think it's more likely for Shopkeeper to be Phantom and Muse's kid than anything else, honestly.)

Okay, so here's Phantom, and this is Phantom's ex-wife, Shopkeeper, but it was an amicable divorce, they still hang out sometimes. And this is Shopkeeper's girlfriend, Monk, and Monk's hapless twunk Ninja (they are in a lesbian-centric semi-non-sexual throuple)-

Look, I think I am hilarious.

Shopkeeper and Monk mostly just flirted outrageously with each other back in the day. Monk is less concerned with romance than she is with being forgiven, which probably isn't clear enough in the story.

I'm still halfway convinced that I should reformat it as a one shot, but I also think I am very funny in some of those chapter notes, so I'll probably leave it. Over 9000 words!

[bjornolf-bjarki]

Hello! I am the anon who asked who your fav hellsing ocs are. Who of these ocs do you think Sigrud would likely interact with or not? Which one of them would he see as friend/colleuge/enemy?

BEING EDITED AS THINGS CHANGE Thank you anon! I wish I knew who you were to say sorry for taking so long but I have most of the people I mentioned in your last post. I've talked to most of the people I mentioned in my post and have been talking to most of the others and getting their opinions on the matter. Some of them have not told me much yet or are even planning to RP with my oc! Which is pretty cool. I'll start with @hellogreyeyedathena:

Judith: The way Sigurd interacts with Judith is like a mischievous colleague would treat a new hire. Lots of pranks, hijinks, and all that crazy jazz. Over time she might come to respect him a lot more and come up with really clever pranks. At one point she'd probably trick him into thinking his tattoos are moving on their own while he's showering with her psychic powers and changing his perception of reality. She'd also find out that if she causes him to go off into a flight kind of mode, he'll probably leave a trail of destruction after he runs through the shower doors and streaks through a forest trying to run. Judith would take note to make sure he's not gonna break anything when she does it again. Also, he has to clean up after he's done being pranked. At first, she treats him like he's a bit of a joy to toy with since he's a bit of a himbo and even slides in cheeky under-the-radar flirty insults at him. Also, he's got a special relationship with Walter once we meshed both our AUs and speculated on how he'd react to Sigurd giving a reformed dark Walter blood freely and kinda teasing him. At some point, he rough-houses with Walter and gets hung upside down by his ankles. Walter then basically takes up his offer on blood and gets a few tastes in and is definitely "playing with his food". Their relationship from there on gets intimate in a way (I think?), which kinda surprises Judith but nonetheless is amused Sigurd doesn't mind though, if anything, Sigurd likes playing with fire>:3! Judith would tell Walter not to play with his food, though to be fair she probably found it more titillating than anything. One time Sigurd had probably annoyed her and that one example is when she sends him to the clown dimension for calling her "Judy" by accident. Don't worry he doesn't get hurt and it's not anything evil. (she really hates that one and Sigurd really hates clowns. Don't worry tho he brings his sword or knife with him next time if he gets sent there again). Apparently, Judith doesn't mind that he rubbernecks every now (his libido and hormones are out of whack because of his condition), and then since she likes to poke and prod at people bc of her flirty and trollish nature. Honestly, Sigurd likes to dress provocatively sometimes so he returns the favor.

Aside from that they basically become friends and whatnot. Though Hans is a bit protective of Judith but eventually trusts Sigurd to be around her. Walter would totally be the same way. Would this relationship ever get romantic? Judith is in a closed relationship with Hans and Walter so it is not very likely.

Overall though it's mainly a fun, friendly, yet mischievous relationship from what I can tell.

_______________________________________

Now it's time for @neet0 and her OCS!

Mika: This dude is a himbo too so they'll get along. But at first, Mika is distrustful and intimidated by him. Not because of his strength, but rather the fact that he's with Seras and they seem pretty close, in neet0's words he'd be thinking, "What's he got that I don't got?" it's not jealousy but it's a sense of something like a tug of war, a game, sport. Mika's never been able to have a serious relationship and still approaches it like a fling whereas he'd view it like a hunt. It would basically turn into a competitive relationship with him to try and see if one can win over Seras. Mika trying to win Seras' love and overcome Sigurd's place fair and square. In a twist, Sigurd just asks if he wants to join in on the relationship with him, Pip, and Seras because Seras told Sigurd she wanted to take on another lover if he was ok with it.

Thankfully, Sigurd is and knows that Mika wanted to give that love to her as well. Mika accepts and basically bearhugs him on the spot. They keep having these competitive bouts to outdo each other but it's all fun and games. They up the stakes too, whenever Sigurd loses, he willingly shares blood with Mika, forming a bond between the two and bringing them very close. If you watched Mika drink his blood you'd see that he'd grunt and blush, since he was willingly and lovingly giving blood Seras and Pip start noticing and is happy to see them coming closer together... though she's also curious. She could sense the bond between them and found that it was a lot like her romantic bond with Sigurd. She starts hatching a plan to get them even closer together... and she's sure the results will be very titillating. At this time Mika starts opening up about how his master, Ales was dying and that he feels so afraid of being alone or listless after one of the days Sigurd is training Mika to be a warrior like him. Sigurd comforts him and opens up about when his oldest brother died in his arms and tells him that he'll never be alone again since he's got the girl of his dreams and him as a friend (spoiler alert they aren't just bros) and then feeds him a larger amount of blood, nearly passing out until Mika pulls himself away, looking into his eyes, their psychic bond growing deeper and deeper. Sigurd had to admit to himself that he was quite charming, for a friend of course. Oh also Pip catches them and laughs (He knows how this ends up ;) ).

They have a pretty good bromance and things are alright, till one day Mika and Sigurd do a race down a hill when they finally have another "Hold my beer" moment when Seras wonders aloud which one of them would win a race (she totally eggs them on btw, she sees the chemistry like the mad chemist/therapist she is) like they always do and both of them fall down the hill on the last stretch and end up in a tangled mess, stumbling to their finish line, till suddenly, Mika playfully tackles him and they end up looking into each other's eyes. A blood-red pair of eyes meeting fiery hazel eyes. It was all that competition play leading up to this sweet citrusy explosion. They didn't just reach the finish line, they went FAR beyond it.

Pip was probably being a good "chemist assistant" with Seras as they watched it go down.

They'd be making out on the grass, Sigurd rolling Mika over, hands on his chest, the whole fruity buffet, and more was happening on that field. Sigurd even bites his lip and gives him a french kiss with his blood, like how vampire bats do that when they bond together and help each other survive (bc vampires and vampire bats have similar instincts to an extent IMO). Then they'd both look up to see Seras blushing and just enjoying the sight of her two favorite himbos making out, "just doing bro stuff" and then probably joins in on the fun to seal the deal. The four of them probably end up on a bed together, happy at how all this transpired. Mika wasn't going to be alone after Ales died, Sigurd and Seras made sure of it.

(I went really long for this because Sigurd and Mika had serious and insane amounts of chemistry)

Ales: Sigurd finds him shady at first and disagrees with his methods rather than his compassionate intent. Sigurd would come to understand his motives for being a bit sneaky but finds him to be spineless in some of his actions. He thinks he should've been more honest and forthcoming to his daughter, Lily, and Alucard but eventually, he somewhat understands this too. He hears about how he's dying too. Sigurd finally breaks down and opens up to him and how his brother died and in many cases, his older brother helped raise Sigurd. Ales also help comfort his past trauma and gives him closure with his special abilities. Even if Sigurd was largely disgusted by the shady tactics, he still saw the kind and caring vampire behind them. Ales is happy that Sigurd and Seras are acting as Mika's anchors in this whole debacle of him coming to terms with the fact that his death is coming soon. Sigurd would miss him for sure. He kinda reminded him of his father in a way.

Lily: She's good friends with him overall. At first, it was a bit complicated because she was distrustful bc of his past and how she thinks he might treat her friend Seras. So she's shy and standoffish a bit when she finally interrogates him when they meet for the first time. And yes he's tied up when it happens, at least until Seras finds out and lets her know that he's her boyfriend and is a good dude that treats her like an independent woman and respects their relationship's boundaries (personally that's from me bc I think it'd be funny). Lily then profusely apologizes, though he says it's ok and that he understands why (Sigurd is chill af at this point). Lily becomes pretty good friends with him as well and starts asking some questions about his condition/curse where a Varcolac bit him and infected him, Sigurd explains the details of his curse to her since he knows she won't tell anyone else. Varcolacs as a monster species is even a mystery to vampires in a way.

Sophie: They're basically casual buddies. She'd find Sigurd's relationship with Mika, Pip, and Seras VERY titillating. Probably has popcorn and watches it unfold.

Overall the characters have positive experiences and are really interesting to navigate through as my oc. I was most pleasantly surprised by Mika because it seems they had spontaneous chemistry and were very loving and just had that nice spice. The best kind.

And now for @rotten-hearts-sharp-teeth oc's Barret: They're pack mates for sure. Total bromance and all that. Like they'll be roughhousing like brothers at random. Not too complicated as a relationship and it's fun. Sabine: She's just like his mom to him. A bit flirty but nothing insane and she's just like that one friend's mom you know that you really appreciate and love because they give good snacks and are just sweet all around. Even if she pinches Sigurd's cheek harder because he's strong and wants to let him know she can handle herself and is pushing him harder. Overall she's the pack mother and Sigurd respects her for it. Maybe she'll accept Seras and Pip into the pack too if he can bridge the divide between the werewolves and vampires here.

None are romantic but still very enjoyable nonetheless.

Here's what I learned about @ofwraithsandwords' oc!

Djamilah (aka DJ)/Ibrahima: It's... complicated? In the beginning, they definitely don't take Sigurd seriously, at all. Then DJ probably gets to know him more and finds out that he was once a slave then DJ would probably have empathy, though is very aloof about it. Like imagine your dog that's trying to get you to take it outside and is growling, only to not want to go outside once you open the glass door (I have this happen with my dog all the time lol) but you know they still love you... you guess. Not necessarily in a romantic way but more platonically and in a friendly way. BUT if it did get romantic/spicy, he'd not be on top... at all. @ofwraithsandwords and I did delve into it and I said that she'd definitely have him in a dog collar after basically talking about how she'd brush his hair and scratch behind his ears if they felt like messing with him/doing that out of whimsy (take that as you will). DJ is very impulsive and dangerous but I and @ofwraithsandwords believe they'd at least be friendly to a comfortable extent. Though Sigurd would be intimidated by her power. Sigurd would have to get used to them and DJ would probably teach him about how her powers work and all that. (the oc goes by any pronouns bc gender is not important to them, author's words not mine) I love this dynamic a lot because it's unpredictable, much like DJ is in the story that @ofwraithsandwords wrote, which is fitting since they're a larger-than-life character and fit so well into the chaotic setting of the au and Hellsing itself. As for the others I mentioned I'll edit the post when we're done discussing about it or rp'ing.

[koushirouizumi]

* D O . N O T . r e b l o g

{Never thought I’d see the day drafts stayed at 500 again}

{IMG by Me} {DO NOT re-post} (Please ASK to Use)

{Prefer no comment Please and Thank You} [Unless respectful]

[thequeenofsastiel]

Kinky Pie Episode 8 Review

I'm genuinely surprised that I forgot to review this episode, because I honestly loved it.

I'm just gonna go ahead and blame La Cuisine for dumping a super intense D/s dynamic on me out of fucking nowhere as well as a hint of a GL couple. Yep. It's La Cuisine's fault.

Anyways, I very, very much loved this episode.

I really appreciated the open and honest conversation that Lian and Kuea had at the beginning. Granted, there were a lot of things left unsaid, but the important things were communicated.

Lian's intense softness for Kuea was absolutely lovely to witness, and Kuea's tentative delight at getting what he always wanted was as well.

I'll reiterate what I said in one of my liveblog posts: Their sex scene is the most beautiful one I've ever witnessed. The song was excellent, as was the way it was filmed, but, most of all, New and Zee were fucking perfect. The wonder and joy on Lian and Kuea's faces as they got to experience sex for the first time was expertly done. As was the softness and love in their eyes as they looked at each other.

And the CONSENT.

After Lian kissed Kuea in the car while Kuea was drunk, I was very concerned that I'd have to deal with a sex scene that begins with assault.

But no.

Aside from the fact that Lian verbally checked in with Kuea twice, he also checked in with his eyes multiple times, making sure that Kuea was okay every time he did something new. It filled my heart with joy.

I am so, so glad that we were able to witness it. Because it was clearly SUCH a profound experience for the two of them, and I think seeing it allowed the audience to feel that connection. That joy and wonder.

Well, well fucking done, Kinky Pie.

The morning after was also very charming. I loved the snuggles and kisses and love and Lian for once not giving a shit about work.

It was sad that Kuea felt so uncertain, and I did find myself feeling frustrated that Lian hadn't been entirely honest with him, because, if he had been, Kuea wouldn't be tying himself up in knots about whether or not Lian will love him when he finds out.

Though admittedly, I'm not sure what Kuea thinks Lian doesn't know. He knows that Lian was the one who kissed him the night that he came out as being Kirin. Does he think that Lian just missed that part? I hope it gets explained.

I absolutely adored the end of the episode. Lian comes home to Kuea, who's set up a dinner for them, and, when Kuea asks if he wants to eat or shower first, Lian suggests doing both at the same time and then they start making out. It made me laugh and clutch at my heart simultaneously. They were precious this episode.

Did other things happen? I'm pretty sure other things happened.

Oh, that's right.

Nuer and Syn are cute and the actors have good chemistry. I hope they get a series of their own.

I have about as much patience for Yi's inability to communicate as Lian does. At this point I'm feeling like Diao deserves better.

Foie is still the best character and I'm very happy we got to see him this episode. Honestly I kind of love his relationship with Lian. I feel like Lian likes him a lot more than he pretends to.

I'm not going to say anything about the whole thing with the documents and properties being in Lian's name because someone spoiled me(side note, can book readers please stop doing that?? Not just about this show, but all of them) so there's nothing for me to speculate about there.

9/10

[crashdevlin]

Another Second Chance 18- Therapy

Another Second Chance Masterlist, Happily Ever Eventually Masterlist

Author’s Note: The final (hopefully) installment of the Happily Ever Eventually RPF series.

Summary: Y/n finds herself a new house and Misha is determined to make it a huge project.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word count: 2993

Story Warnings: past cheating, mentions of FFM threesome, not much in this one

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s pretty, right?” I ask, looking around the open concept of the first floor of this $350,000 house.

“Kitchen’s kinda outdated,” Jensen says, pointing at the fridge. “I mean, that fridge has gotta be from when you were in high school.”

“I could buy new appliances, Jay. Get a natural gas stove set up. Install some cabinet pulls, because I’m not a really big fan of this whole lack of elements.” I gesture at the cabinets. “Probably stain it a little darker to go against the flooring. But it’s pretty, right?”

Jay smiles. “Yeah. It’s pretty...and it’s about twice as big as the one you’ve been living in. Which is what you need.”

“Yeah. Walk-in closet in the master, too. It’ll be a good place to put the security hub.”

“Or you could put the security hub in the closet in the den and put your clothes in the master closet,” Jay suggests, grumpy old man in his tone. "And if you're gonna update the kitchen, you gotta update the bathrooms. Get one of those-"

"I am not getting an automatic toilet!" I laugh. "No one needs that!"

"Of course no one needs it but it's freakin' awesome!"

"Okay, Dean," I tease.

"Dean would agree with me. Automatic toilet, with the bidet and the-"

"Dean Winchester would break an automatic toilet and then complain that it's a damn computer which means he can't fix it without help."

Jay laughs. "He'd still think it was cool."

"He'd be down for the heated seat. I will give you that much."

He smiles as he looks around. "So...are we looking at your new digs or what?"

I bite my bottom lip and run my hand over the granite countertop. “Shouldn’t I ask Nova's opinion? It's gonna be her home, too."

"She's a teenager. As long as she's got her own room, I'm sure she's gonna be fine." He sets his hands on my shoulders and smiles. "But you can show her pictures or bring her by before you sit down with the realtor."

I nod and smile. "It's in the right school district and a bigger room for her and for Mav and the bonus room can be an office. I really think it's the place."

"Then get it," he encourages. "Get it, Baby Girl. We can make it perfect. I'm no stranger to a little reno."

"Please," I start, laughing. "A contractor did the work on your old place. Shush."

He looks a little offended. "I helped. I painted. I installed the sink in the half bath off the kitchen."

"Fine. You can stain these cabinets for me." I wink and step away from him. I'm gonna get this house. "Come on." I walk to the foyer where the realtor is waiting and I smile at him. "Can I put in an offer now or should I wait a few hours?" He smiles brighter than the sun.

"You can make an offer anytime, Miss."

Miss. Still young enough to get 'miss'. "Good. Let's do this."

~~~~~~~~~

"Four bedroom, 2 and a half bath, 3200 square feet with an office next to the master bed. It needs some updating and work...had a contractor quote me $60,000 but that's not bad...covers new appliances, too."

"I could come down and help," Misha offers. "You know, a lot of that stuff you can DIY and I can help with most of it."

"You don't have to do that, Meesh."

"Why would I let you spend that much money on something I could help you with for a fraction of the cost?"

"Misha, you really don’t-"

"I'm not letting you tell me 'no' on this. We'll get together some manpower and get this done for you."

He's really not going to let me say 'no'. "Okay. Well, it's going to be several weeks before the paperwork is finished and all that. I'll let you know when it's mine."

"Good. I'll start looking at HGTV.com." Damn it, Misha. Don't be so extra. "And send me pictures and a floorplan so I know what I'm working with."

"Yeah, okay." Really no point in arguing. It's Misha. If I don't send him pics and a copy of the floorplan, he'll just find the house and get them himself off the internet. "I'll send it to you after my appointment tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good. Talk to you then."

"Bye, Meesh." I hang up and sigh. He's gonna make it this whole thing, isn't he?

His house in Washington did come out amazing, though, so he does have some skills that will help in this. Eh, why not? Why not get together with my best friend and make my new home my own?

"So, I get to see this house eventually, right?" Nova says, walking into the living room.

I smile. "Come see all these pretty pictures I took and we can speculate on what craziness Misha is gonna come up with." I pat the couch next to me and she comes over. "This is the view from the street." I start showing her the pictures and she claims a room before I've even finished the digital tour.

"Oh, and you're gonna paint the exterior, right? Like, it's pretty but it's yellow. You're gonna fix that, right?"

"Oh, I'm sure Misha isn't going to let me move into another drab house. You weren’t here the first time he showed up at this house but he had opinions about all of it. I didn't let him talk me into reno last time but this time...I don’t know...maybe this will be the forever home so…"

"It's gotta be custom!" Nova exclaims.

"Exactly."

"Can I paint my walls custom? Or get custom wallpaper done? I know that a lot of people don't like wallpaper but I've seen a few places that got it right and-"

"Yeah, baby, of course. We'll figure out something awesome for your walls." I kiss her forehead. We'll do whatever she wants for her room.

"Yay!"

I love when she's happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a while since I've been in Dr. McCauliffe's office. Life has been in the way...and I guess I didn’t want her to judge me for my involvement with Jensen...which is ridiculous because she's my therapist. She's not going to judge me.

"So." She taps her pen against her clipboard. "What's new?"

"Well...I have been dating Jensen again. I know you saw that in the news."

"I saw it on Mr. Collins' Instagram, actually," she says with a smile.

"Right. The video. Forgot about it for a minute. Um, yeah, like I said in the video and Jensen said in his...spark's still there, we're giving it another chance."

"How's that feel?"

I bite my bottom lip. "Scary as Hell, honestly. I mean, but it's good. I've done pretty good with boundaries and moving slowly. You know, before...we jumped in head first and everything was this intense passion right out of the gate but this time…" I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe we've grown up, or grown old, but…"

"Have you slept with him?" she asks and it's because she knows that sex was a big issue when I was with him before. Sex was all we were supposed to be in the beginning and sex ruined us in the end. I know why she's asking but there's this...well, it's a bit intrusive, isn't it? It seems like she's judging me for being sexually active and I know that's not what it is but my whole spine goes tense when she asks.

"Yes. We dated for about a month before we started getting physical again."

“And how has that been? I don’t need details, of course, but...emotionally, how has it been to be intimate with Jensen again?”

How to answer that?

Really, how am I supposed to answer that? It’s the best sex I’ve ever had, emotionally fullfilling in a romance-novel sort of way. It’s perfect but it does have its scary moments. “Well, we’ve only actually...slept together a couple times this time. His libido is a lot less than it was. I mean, he didn’t have sex the entire time we were broken up, can you believe that?”

Dr. McCauliffe adjusts her glasses and shrugs a little. “I do not. Five years is a long time to go without sex...but you seem to believe it. That’s what matters.”

I never even questioned it. Should I have? No, because he’s been so honest about everything else. “I went years and years without sex after Nate. I believe Jensen did the same after me. He had a lot going on. He was in recovery for alcoholism. He had to be a good father and work on his career and-”

“You just got very defensive, very quickly. Why is that?”

Fuck, I don’t know. I run my hand over my mouth and shrug. “I don’t know,” I respond honestly.

“Analyze it, Y/n. Why would you get so defensive over my disbelief in what Jensen told you?”

“Because I didn’t question it,” I answer after a moment. “Because he told me that the last time he had sex, real full-penetrative sex, was the time that broke us and I didn’t really question it. I took it at face value because we’ve been doing very good about honesty with each other and what if that’s stupid? What if I’m stupid because maybe he’s lying about it and keeping stuff from me and-”

“You said he’s been very good about honesty so far, right?”

I nod. “Yeah. He’s...he admitted to stuff that I never thought he’d admit to and he apologized for stuff and he’s been open about what happened and why. He’s even been honest about little things that he would have lied about before...like I told him about Will and he Googled him. Used to be, he’d keep that kind of thing to himself, never tell me, but he admitted it without even prompting.” I chew on my bottom lip as she starts scribbling on her notes. “I believe him. It might be stupid but I believe him.”

She sets her clipboard in her lap and smiles at me. “It’s not stupid...and he’s likely changed enough that honesty is important to him. You’ve told me that his recovery has changed him. Jared’s told me the same. Now, it’s a bit hard for me to believe that he’s changed so much in the last five years that he would have abstained from sex since the last time he was with you, but...I don’t know the man, do I? You do. Jared does. If you believe him, then don’t let me change your mind.”

“I believe him. You didn’t see the way he looked at me the first time we...‘Reverent’ is the best word for it.”

“What do you think that means for you?”

I scoot back, leaning against the back of the couch. “I think he’s finally got Danneel out of his head.”

“Do you?” she asks and I hate when she asks things I don’t want to answer. “Danneel was a major roadblock in your relationship before, wasn’t she?”

“You know she was. I was so focused on giving Jensen what he wanted...Danneel...that I couldn’t see that I was what he was supposed to be wanting. I wanted to be like her, couldn’t appreciate myself. I know this stuff, Doctor.” I shift on the couch and sigh. “I don’t wanna be Danneel and I don’t want Jensen to be with her. I want Jensen to be with me...I want him to want to be with only me.” I shrug. “Seems like that’s where we are. He doesn’t even talk to her anymore. I talked to her the other day and she didn’t even know why he doesn’t talk to her anymore.”

“You talked to Danneel again?”

“Yeah. We ran into each other at a shop while I was getting Nova a new dress. It...didn’t go well. Nova was very combative with Danneel. I ended up having to...be very honest with my daughter. She knows about everything now...even the night with Danneel.”

“Oh? How’d that talk go?”

“It was...it was good to get it off my chest, actually. It was like the conversation where I told her about, about why her father and I got divorced. It’s like...It was a hard conversation but it was an important one. I don’t have to...hide things anymore and that’s a blessing. She understands why I make the decisions I make now...she understands...the betrayal was a lot deeper than she even knew. She understands that now and...maybe it’ll make us closer, but at least she knows the truth now.”

“And she’s living with you now, right?” I nod. “How did that happen? Nathan doesn’t seem the type to just allow her to do what she wants.”

I snort. “He’s definitely not, but...he fucked up with Jenny, blew up his marriage. I’m actually surprised it took her this long to realize that he was cheating on her, but whatever. Um...Nova didn’t want to be there for the destruction of his way of life and she asked if she could come to Texas. I convinced him to let her come because she didn’t need to see the parade of his affairs that Jenny would bring up. I then used those women to convince him not to fight me on custody when I refiled. It was…” I scratch at my cheek. “It was a low move, but it’s exactly the kind of move he pulled on me, convincing the judge that I was too unstable to care for her. I don’t feel bad about it, especially since she wants to be here.”

“That’s a big change...on top of other big changes.”

“Yep...and there’s more coming. Because I need more room since Nova is living with me, there will be a new home in my future."

"A new home? That's exciting."

"It is. And I am more excited about it than I am scared so that says something."

"I remember how anxious you were about your first house. I remember all the security options you went through."

"Well, security had to be heavy. I had to think about Tom and his crazy-ass fans and the crazier of Jensen’s fans and the paps. There was that one photographer in Vancouver that climbed the balcony outside the condo to get pics of me and Jay, remember?" I shiver at the memory of looking out the French doors to see a man with his camera, snapping away. So intrusive. "I'm gonna have to put up a privacy fence and a coded gate at the new place, too...and, of course, all the security cameras."

"Sounds like a big project."

"Yeah. Definitely. Not even half of it, though. Misha wants to DIY everything."

"Misha isn't your husband, Y/n," Dr. McCauliffe reminds me and I laugh.

"I think he forgets that sometimes. But there's not a lot of use in arguing with him. He's...well, he's right a lot. Like, most of the time, I mean. So, I always cave to him."

"Do you want to do a big DIY project at this new house?"

"Not at first, I didn't but...I dunno. Might be fun. I've never gotten to do that kind of project and knowing Misha, he's gonna make it fun even if it is hard work."

"Well, as long as you can maintain your work as well as this project. How is that coming along?"

"Really good, actually. We started shooting not too long ago...and I hadn't even considered that this project might be detrimental to Midsummer. I'll have to make sure that Misha knows that Midsummer comes first."

"Well, it seems like you've got things under control."

"Yeah? I was afraid you'd tell me I was...going too fast or…"

"Do you think that? You were telling me that you'd done well with boundaries and keeping things-"

"Well, I have! I mean, Jensen was talking about moving in together already and I shut that down and decided to get a bigger place...my own bigger place."

"Jensen wanted to move in with you?" She writes down something on her notes. "And you said 'no'?"

"I said 'no'," I confirm. "I was really proud of myself, Doc. Nova was proud of me, too, actually. Which was...it was interesting and new. I don’t know that she's ever been proud of me for anything and I know that it's supposed to be the other way, where I'm proud of her and I am, of course but Nova being proud of me setting these boundaries and sticking to them...it gives me hope that she'll be able to do the same in her own life, you know?"

"There's nothing wrong with feeling happy that you made your daughter proud and there's nothing wrong with hoping she's going to make different mistakes than you. She's going to do well in life if you keep making the best choices for the both of you." She sets her clipboard on her desk and smiles. "I'm proud of you, too, by the way. Six years ago, you would have jumped at living with Jensen."

"Six years ago, I did."

We finish out our session with a promise to not go so long without seeing her next time. "Mental health is about the maintenance," she reminds me as she opens her office door and walks me to the reception desk. I agree and set an appointment for six weeks out. I call Misha as I start my car, intending to tell him that Midsummer comes before the house project. I haven't even gotten a 'hello' out of my mouth when he speaks.

"I saw the pictures you sent. I have so many ideas!"

~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie @paryl @wereallbrokenangels @the-american-witch @that-one-gay-girl @tatted-trina6 @sunshineandwings86 @lunarmoon8 @wheezyeds @vicmc624 @couldabeenamermaid @vulgar-library

[spade-snax]

Alright! Here goes my Bugsnax Grumpus last name headcanon!

(This ended up being way longer than I thought it would've been, oh god-)

I think we all can agree that the headcanon where a Grumpus child has their parent's combined last names as their own last name is a very common headcanon people share. It's a good one! Even I like it a lot. And when applied to OCs or fankids it makes for some hilarious names.

It'd make sense in-canon and I feel like it gives the Grumpus world more depth as their own little tradition. (Honestly give me ANY culture/tradition headcanon for Grumpuses PLEASE THOSE ARE MY FAVORITEEEE I even had one for teeth a while ago that I may share publicly one day!!)

But I've been thinking about this, especially because of Cromdo and my own OCs - Neddy and Rason Honeyfidget. With Rason being Neddy's dad, if we only used this headcanon then Neddy shouldn't have this last name... Well, there's a lore reason why he doesnt and that is that his mother has died while he was still an egg, a while before hatching. Rason made him take on "Honeyfidget" only.

But that's just the backstory that got me thinking at the name traditions as a whole, so I'll try to avoid OC talk any further to make this friendlier for others who do not know about my OCs and are just interested in reading this headcanon.

Another headcanon I want to mention as I apply it to my own is the headcanon that Triffany changed her last name to Bronica's last name as a way to honor her. You can definitely change your name to anything you want in the Grumpus world, but changing your last name to a relative's like your grandparent's last name is possibly quite common!

And now I want to bring up Cromdo and the fact he is divorced. It has been confirmed that Cromdo is divorced and that his name may reflect that. (Though originally it was answered in the AMA that "Cromdo Face" just sounded funny at first and that it is possible that he did loose a half of his last name this way!)

Also I want to say that he wasn't abusive to the child mentioned! I remember there was a small confusion and drama about that. And I believe one of the devs on the YH discord mentioned that the 1# tie was a reference to Octodad. I do not remember if that confirmed that he is a father or if this answer by Sage was possibly wrong. He cannot see the child because he lost custody of them and lost in court. I do not have screenshot evidence of this. On a side-note I believe this could be one of the reasons he grew to be so money hungry. He didn't have enough money back then to keep his child. Again I want to say it could be ONE of the reasons and not the exact reason why he is this way.

This is more so of an ramble about my headcanon and what I want to say rather than some comprehensive thing, I am so sorry dfwergeg it's just how I write and explain things and I gotta mention it ALL (Great addition to "Guzma, your ADHD is showing")

Anyways, back on track with my HC.

But in this/my headcanon - Cromdo is divorced, he has had a child, and lost a part of his last name because of the divorce. I do not know how human marriage last name and stuff works properly so uh, see this as just speculation about a fictional species' culture rather than a carbon copy of our own. Which it clearly isn't LOL

I personally think that you can do multiple things with your last name when you get married! (And how it can affect the child's last name!)

Let's use Chandlo and Snorpy as examples, because I think they make great last name combinations. (And Snorplo is HELLA !!/pos)

- You can change your last name to your partner's last name, like we do commonly. (At least, with all the cultures I'm aware of and how marriage works for us.) Examples: Snorpy Funkbun, Chandlo Fizzlebean

(This one isn't very common to do!)

- You can change one half of your last name to a half from your partner's last name. Examples: Snorpy/Chandlo Funkbun/Fizzlebun

(Not as common either, but it still happens. It is actually more common than the first example. This was the case for Cromdo. I'll get back to this later. Grumps usually reserve this for their childen, which is the most common way of naming your children!)

- You keep your last name after marriage! Example: Snorpy Fizzlebean. Chandlo Funkbun. Canon examples would be Wambus and Triffany as well!

(Most common one to do as many wear their last names with pride or for other reasons - such as Trifanny when she changed her last name to Bronica's last name in this headcanon.)

Before we get to the kids again, I'm gonna go back to Cromdo and what can happen during divorce.

During divorce you can simply change your name back if you changed it, or keep the last name you took from your partner. Many simply change their last names back to what they were originally. Some, if they went by the half/half method, take away the half from their ex-partner only. This leaves some Grumpuses with one worded last names, such as Cromdo.

I think he changed a half of his last name during marriage. After the divorce, he didn't want to "wear" his partner's name anymore and changed his name to Cromdo Face only as Face was a part of his last name he was given at birth. This is most often the default for Grumpuses who have been divorced and took only half of their partner's last name.

If Cromdo - (or any Grumpus with a one-word last name! There's certainly rare cases of Grumpuses who have one word that didn't go through divorce. Possibly Grumpuses with bad attachment to one of their parents - so they change or remove that half of the last name they got from said parent. If their last name was a combination.) - were to re-marry he could take one half of his new partner's last name, or not change his name at all.

I want to get onto how naming a child would work with this situation, so I will talk about ways of naming children before I get back to this! And by naming I of course mean the last names only, lol.

(One rule is that, unless you change your name later in real life for any reason, it's gonna have to be one of these otherwise! Your Grump parent cannot make you up a new last name. It is just a part of the tradition they have. Though re-naming isn't looked upon in any way by the majority of Grumpuses as there are many reasons to do so!! Unless you're a jerk or you value your last name TOO much.) (Also when I say "you" I don't mean YOU as the reader literally. I mean a hypothetical Grumpus child!! It's just how I like wording things.

(...I've been writing for almost an hour, brain scrampled eg)

- Your last name is the combined name of your parent's last names. Examples: Fizzlebun, Funkbean

(VERY COMMON! Most Grumpuses will do this when first naming their child!)

- Your keep one of your parent's last name! Fizzlebean or Funkbun.

(This all works if you have multiple parents btw! Can make for SUPER crazy long and funny last names. This *all* applies to marriage, too! I hope it is easily applicable. I do not want to go in depth on that. Feel free to hit me an ask about this if you want me to explain it more in depth!! I wouldn't want to exclude polyamorous relationships ^^ )

(Also yes, last names that are just the same word repeated twice/multiple times are possible too. Fizzlefizzle, Funkfunk... How fun are these to say? Gives me Grumpus OC name ideas already.)

But yes! Back to Cromdo! Or any Grumpus in the same situation, but as I've stater earlier, Cromdo is just an example here. If he were to re-marry and NOT change his name, there's two posibilities:

His new partner has a full last name.

In this situation, if they have a child they can keep the full last name from Cromdo's partner. Or they can have one word from his partner + Face. For reasons stated below the child cannot have "Face" as their only last name.

His new partner has a one-worded, short last name like he does.

In this situation, if they have a child they have to name it a combination of their last name's. No exception. Having a short last name is a sign of something happening in your life, and it is traditionally not put onto a child, unless they are adopted with no last name. That still counts as something that happened in their life, as their birth parents possibly just gave them away with no care in the world.

------------------------------------------

At this point I am almost completely off track, so please do ask me questions as I am not sure where I completely left off - Or rather if there is something I forgot that I wanted to mention.

By the way, for combining last names and such, you can also mis-match! Doesn't even have to be combinations. This applies to everything, even for (Full last name + one-word last names) where it makes sense the most. Examples: Beanfizzle, Bunfunk, Bunbean, Bunfizzle, Beanbun, Beanfunk. I'm personally a big fan of Bunfunk and Beanbun :P)

And this applies to siblings, too! It isn't uncommon for parents naming their children mis-matched last name combinations if they have multiple ones. (This ties into my headcanon for Filbo's many siblings and that he isn't a single child. He's in a big household and has at least 2 siblings. ONE OF WHICH I want to make into an OC! This requires me to make the parents, too, but I am not so bothered about that :P)

I'm out for now, all my brain power has left me a few paragraphs ago and I've got to go eat lunch

But again I encourage people to ask me questions (If anyone was brave enough to read through this!!)

And if I got anything wrong, do let me know! I am not all-knowing and I could've missed some VERY OBVIOUS mistakes.

And sorry if the writing is wonky at times! Sometimes it is done on purpose but sometimes the fact I only pretend I know how to write + the fact English is my second language IS SHOWING

(Also I sometimes just write how I think, without much thought put into the sentence if I don't proof read, so HSDFWERGRGT)

[aquariusshadow]

Live!Blogging HSMTMTS s3x1

aight yall

i havent done these in a while so………welcome back! portwell nation how we doing???

its been so long

lessssss gooooo

--

okay ngl this recap is super fucking useful

i didnt realize how much i forgot about s2 ahahaha

"second chances" hmmmmmmm i wonder what thats forshadowing

oh ej honey

bby

sweet summer child

portwell

the bbies

its them

theyre back

AND THEYRE CUTE

CHEEK KISS

omfg theyre recreating the shjsalhdfkjaslhfdkadf

SUMMERTIME

THATS WHAT IT WAS HELL YEA

(also i take it this means seb, big red, and nini isnt gonna be in this, cool cool)

gina looks so gorgeous i cant--

wait is this the summer camp that ej and nini met before s1? or is that a different one

WAIT A MIN

I

OKAY LILY AND RICKY

THEYRE AN ACTUAL THING?

ngl i did kinda crackship them in s2 but………………

idk how i feel about it honestly

the harness ya know?

aye nini is in this season afterall cool cool

portwell being cute again as usual i love them

THE CAPTIONS SAID "DAMN" HAHADFJASDLHASD

IN A DISNEY SHOW

ashlynn stanning and supporting portwell is everything

yes gina this is your summer of firsts and this will be your summer and your season

"one more thing" kisses gina

smiling gina

best season best season

i love the kourt/gina/ashlynn trio

oh my god i forgot about jordan fisher playing ginas brother ahahahaha

it sounds like nini really needs some independence

……lily why are you still carrying that around

thats just dumb

we really arent gonna drag that out huh

so i retract my previous ricky/lily comments

i am a dumbass

they did rush through that tho ngl

is……is this an original joshua song? or is this one he wrote specifically for the show

i really like it hehe

looks like ricky also needs independence too based on the song ahaha

this is really catchy

portwell being cute again as always

kourt/carlos friendship rights

carlos' reaction to jet is everything lmfao

jwhljhljfhldjkhlsdkjfahslkdfj

this shallow lake song wtf

i do like gadget's voice

and gina's very much vibing with ej's happy antics

IS THAT JASON EARLES

JACKSON

FROM HANNAH MONTANA

THE GUY FROM KICKIN IT (i forgot his name)

IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

yes yes corbin bleu incredible

cooperate disney allowed high school musical Chad to host frozen the musical at a summer camp in a show thats highly popular on disney plus

genius

FDGHDLBSAF.JGKASHLFDGHD

I WAS KIDDING

HAHAHAHA

ITLL BE ON 'DISNEY PLUS'

COOPERATE MOUSE STRIKES AGAIN

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

is ej gonna direct

hes gonna direct isnt he

yup

Director Caswell

that has a nice ring to it

awwwwwwwwwwww portwelllllllll

oh

"who said anyone would"

"excuse me"-ricky

i…

fine………

fine…………….

--

Okay, so, initial thoughts.

I loved all the camp scenes and I kinda got bored when it cut to Nini and Ricky ehehe. i really liked showing the different dynamics of the girls together and the guys and exploring those friendships more and, obviously, Portwell were adorable! I love them and will defend them constantly However, I……am not a fan of a potential EJxGinaxRicky love triangle thing being POTENTIALLY set up (????) and I'm also not a fan of this love triangle POTENTIALLY resolving itself by POTENTIALLY having nini come to camp and rini gets back together. yes this is all my speculations for the rest of the season ehehuhuhuesohohoohhafhdlakjdsfhasdf Both Ricky and Nini need time away from each other to gain their own independence and to understand why their relationship ended in the first place (i cannot remember if in s2 they actually covered that or not. i do remember their breakup scene was good? in the sense that it followed exactly what the show was setting up in s2 for rini)

But who knows. Maybe Rini will reunite and actually be a better fit after some time apart to grow as people? I'll just have to see how that goes.

And while I used to ship rina and due to that, I will probably have a slight soft spot for them in the sense of just liking their scenes together………….i am very concerned for portwell's happiness. This is supposed to be Gina's season and EJ plays a big role for that and he's also getting even more screentime I--------

i just want portwell to be happy okay???

AND HOW COULD I FORGET THE BEST SHIP OF ALL RICKERAPY PLZ MAKE RICKERAPY CANON I BEG YOU

god i missed these live!blogs

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK: DEAR ARMY WE ARE IN LOVE

DISCLAIMER: I wouldn't take this particular post seriously. I mean it's something, but nothing at the same time. I just do these kinds of 'analysis' for fun and for my own personal amusement.

Do you see it? Or do you need me to connect the dots for you? Thought you'd never ask! Lol

I have always been fascinated by BTS's incorporation of fine art, poetry, metaphors, imageries, philosophical and psychological theories etc into their craft.

They are brilliant at expressing themselves and conveying their emotions through art and music. I have always found that challenging and mentally stimulating.

Take for example this whole Dear Army moments they shared with us on Weverse this week. Yes, it's a marketing strategy, the objective of which is to build an intimate connection with Army but most importantly hear feedback from Army on the struggles we are each facing in light of Covid 19 and also to provide feedback on why we love and stan BTS through their recommended hashtags.

Suga had already explained they were going to do this in that March YouTube live and so it's no brainer. The fun part for me, which of course is subjective, is the embedded meaning behind this whole Dear Army concept.

The progression from day to night, the use of contrast etc is all very reminiscent of the message of Bulletproof eternal- we are not seven with you. Especially with Suga and Hobi's postcard being taken directly from the BTS bonfire moment in Bonvoyage which made a cameo in Bulletproof eternal and the allusion to winter in both artworks.

The overall message of Dear Army is very simple: we had nothing but dreams, open our eyes to a foggy morning, so much pain too much crying; after seven winters and spring- we are all in this together, BTS and Army forever.

I also found the exploration of the cycle of life, the ambiguity of morning and night that blurs the line between evening and daybreak quite interesting. Its always been a recurring theme in their songs and arts. It's just them reassuring and connecting with us through their ingenuity as usual.

But of course this is just my opinion and my interpretation of their use of symbolism and allusions. And as much as I enjoy deconstructing BTS's musical genius, I'm just going to focus on Jikook's message- well not message, message but their artistic expressions in Dear Army.

JIKOOK'S MESSAGE

Now I already talked about the body text of Jimin's post and so I'm not going over that again. Jk's text is equally very much straightforward and is just a restatement of the message he shared in his recent YouTube live about rediscovering his purpose in life. So I won't focus on that either.

It's the artwork they chose that I am interested in and fascinated by. I was trying to ascertain whether the art work for the postcards where chosen randomly by staff or whether it was something the members themselves chose as at first glance it looked pretty generic- I wasn't able to confirm so...

Now from what Suga said about incorporating letters into their upcoming album, I'm just going to assume BTS themselves chose these images and the creative directors added their finishing touches to it- based on the tone and mood BTS had described.

Let's start with Jimin's. I clocked immediately I saw his postcard where the concept of that artwork or background image was from. I'll circle back to this hold on.

I value and pay alot of attention to the unique ways that each member of BTS expresses themselves. Those unadulterated, authentic expressions of self provides a better sense of who they are as Individuals rather than the perfectly curated, highly edited and performative versions of themselves we see screens. In my opinion.

Take Tae and JK for example. These two men are the kinds who'd write a song about their feelings and emotions when they are hurt. Lol. They deep for no reason. Bless them.

Jimin talks a lot. He is a verbal communicator. But hardly does he reveal any relevant details about himself that gives insight into his psyche and persona through his words. Again, in my opinion.

I keep saying his persona is very elusive to me. He tends to give us so much he ends up not giving us anything at all. Unlike Tae or even JK who write songs, recommend songs, or even GCF(JK) that gives us insight into their personal feelings, Jimin doesn't do covers as much and the songs he recommendes aren't as insightful into his deepest thoughts and feelings. He is very elusive that way.

That doesn't mean he doesn't express himself. He does, just not through his music like the others. In my opinion. Mostly he expresses his wants, his desires through his music but his sensuality through his dance.

It seems also that he explores his identity and expresses the exploration of that identity through the body arts he inks himself with temporarily or permanently.

Jk I find is the opposite. He doesn't explore his identity through his body art. Nor his sensuality through dance. Rather he expresses his values and the things he cherishes through his body art; his thoughts and feelings through his music and art.

And so while Jimin would be inking temptress, seductress, bigender on his body, JK would be inking- rather cool than dead and other symbols that represents his beliefs and values on his body.

I'm going off on a tangent, am I not? Sigh

Back to the post card. When I saw JM's postcard, it immediately reminded me of JK's GCF in Helsinki. [Couldn't attach image due to Tumblr but check it yourself]

It reminded me of JK's Frozen sunset theme, his use of warm and cold contrasting colors throughout that GCF and also the ending parts of GCF Helsinki where the sun is setting over the clouds just as in this post card- Frozen Sunset.

Jk also made an allusion to that frozen sunset in his song Still with you. I am particular about his use of the words Sky, clouds, sunset etc when they appear in his music, paintings or tattoos because he once said it's something he loves taking pictures of- that and of course Jimin.

I pay much attention to the things he says he loves and so I look for them in his self expressions to try and understand why he loves it and what it means to him.

Honestly, I didn't think much of JM's postcard art when I saw that use of the frozen sunset for his postcard. I thought, well staff could have picked it out randomly so I was waiting to see JK's postcard and the overall concept for Dear Army to see if this was something JM had done intentionally.

Part of me also felt those themes they presented in the post card art work were metaphors for the kind of songs they would be creating in the new Album just as Suga had said.

But JK's postcard art made me suspicious of JM's post card. JK's postcard art is the odd one out of all the artworks for the postcards. Sope had a similar complimentary art taken from the bonfire moment of Bulletproof Eternal as I mentioned earlier. The rest all had elements pertaining to nature- sky, parks etc except JK's.

Also the theme and symbolism of Jk's art convinces me he chose his artwork himself for that post- I mean I could be wrong but...

Remember when I talked about GCF Helsinki, Still with you and Never Not etc and I said they all had a similar theme- something about roads and paths, being mismatched, not being on the same page, not having the same goals etc?

GCF Helsinki- I'll take the desert, you take the coast to each his own.( moving in different paths)

Still with you: Though our steps may not go along together, I still want to walk this path with you.(again, mismatched paths repeated)

I was intrigued by that recurring theme of roads and paths leading in different directions in JK's music and art in this timeline especially as it contrasts heavily with the themes of his past timelines.

And I even speculated that I felt it was in reference to him and JM not meeting minds on the direction they wanted to take their relationship.

I have been waiting eagerly for him to release yet another cover or art since still with to see what that whole mismatched, separate roads thingy was all about but he didn't do his birthday cover this year- among other things.

It's thus funny to be that in this post card thingy he chose train tracks- intersecting train tracks to represent his feelings and coupled with the message of him rediscovering his passion- It doesn't feel like a coincidence to me or something staff would chose for him.

It certainly doesn't help my delusional brain cells, that JM flashed that Mickey Mouse during his VLive which again I felt was an allusion to their GCF in Tokyo.

First he is making allusions to GCF Tokyo, now GCF Helsinki, signing his name to JK's posts at Pop-ups...

Remember when I said that if JM was the one who had stopped JK from posting on his birthday, that he would come swinging hard on his Jikook agenda? Remember that?

If JK posting on his birthday was important to JM, chilee nothing would have stopped JM from logging into Twitter, posting and signing JK's damn name to his post- if saving face is what was important to him. It's not like he's not done that before. He could have done that and we wouldn't even know it wasn't from JK. Lol

He really is the one that stopped JK from posting on his birthday for whatever reason- wink. You know. Lol

Park Jimin is not the 'victim' in this birthday drama. He is guilty party your honor. Guilty per the books. Lol

Stay supporting Jikook, your life will be easier that way. Bless you.

Signed,

GOLDY

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, so, uhh, two things; dumb question: WHY in the world are S5 Sherlock BBC discussions popping up again right now? Like, the show got a pretty solid ending-feely-ending, strange/shitty as it was. Also, I never ever listened to Sherlock soundtracks on spotify but now, while studying, it threw the very last soundtrack of S4 at me after a classical Handel piece. I instantly started crying so uhh time to leave the fandom again I guess, I'll be back sometime. Take care 💖

Hi Lovely!! Aww, I still get lots of feels for the Sherlock Soundtracks, though I actually don’t have S4′s on my iTunes so I don’t listen to it as often as the tracks from 1 to TAB, LOL. But the music is lovely

With regards to the recurrence of S5 suddenly popping up, I can pinpoint it to a few things:

Partly my fault on my own blog because I brought it up again with this first post I made on New Year’s Eve because I wanted it out before Dracula. Since then people seem to be wanting to put in their thoughts as well in Nonny Messages to me, which is totally cool! Just takes me awhile to answer them because it’s been so long since I’ve had to do meta-style answers LOL. And it’s interesting to me to talk about now since most people know that I’m not very biased on it anymore.

Outside of my blog: Ben’s hair is growing out so he MUST be filming Sherlock soon (yes, seriously, this is the one I’ve seen the most)! I theorize on this post here that it’s very much unlikely, plus Ben has never had a problem wearing (awful) wigs for Sherlock, so honestly, his hair growing out has never been a good indicator of Sherlock filming.

Dracula is done filming, and there were (apparently) easter eggs in Dracula for Sherlock, so they MUST now prepping for filming S5! Again, no. Gatiss is doing some filmwork himself for Operation Mincemeat, and Moffat is currently in pre-production for Jekyll, according to IMDb.

Allegedly, the Dale P*ke troll is active again, [1] [2] possibly under another name, and another prominent blog was heavily promoting their stuff. Which is totally fine, but I just want people to be wary about any “clues” coming from “dale p*ke”; they put out a “not a fanvideo” recently and it apparently contains clues.

A few more of the Sherlock Holmes stories enters into public domain in the US this year, namely The Three Garridebs, which is the story many TJLCer’s and Johnlockers alike have suspected Mofftiss wanted to properly adapt but couldn’t do in their own way until they could air it in both the US and UK without problems, I believe. Not 100% on how the copyrights for filming works in relation to “can we air it in the US or not without paying something to the copyright holders”, I’m not sure, LOL.

And It’s been about the normal time frame between seasons for Sherlock, so people think it will just... drop on us without us knowing it was filmed, I guess LOL. Although, many still hold out hope for the “Secret Episode” / “secret season” to release soon. I’ve speculated on this blog that the secret episode was already filmed during the filming of S4, and will be released as the “real Season 4″. Which I still kinda lowkey hope for, but yeah, the occam’s razor part of my brain is like, “No, Steph, no.”

It’s fun to speculate about S5, so I guess we’ve reached that part in the fandom where we USUALLY have another episode to speculate about... but we don’t so we’re just trying to cope, LOL.

And, totally not a real reason but I literally am keeping it up there to troll everyone: My countdown timer is still going on my blog. 1102 Days and counting since S4 aired XD XD

Hope that helps, and if anyone knows any other reasons why S5 talk has picked up, let me know! I usually just stay within a little corner of blogs because there’s a lot of fandom gatekeeping away from here so I just... don’t leave LOL.

[thesagedahlia]

🕊Cassie: A Caged Bird Set Free🕊

When it comes to Cassie, I do find it unfortunate that all she ever was associated with was being Diddy's girlfriend for a good chunk of her youth. I always felt she could have been a larger star had she gotten from under Diddy, but I always felt she had potential to take other paths in her career. I truly believe it was the lifestyle that kept Cassie with him, because she never struck me as a "happy woman" being with him. Diddy is a pretty toxic individual, that's plain as day, but I don't feel he would ever own up to abuse that he put ANY of his women through, let alone Cassie (when I say 'abuse', I'm speaking generally & not directly relating this to solely physical abuse). Seeing Cassie with Alex & her new family? THAT'S happiness. No matter what I pick up in the cards I put down, I refuse to deny the complete 180° Cassie's story took; from being on the arm of a powerful mogal, to being with a true soulmate & feeling the high of life. I always believed that Cassie was meant to have a certain lifestyle, & I never saw her wanting to be in the public eye all her life. I never wanted Cassie to stay with Diddy because I knew she was going to want her life back one day, & that's exactly what happened.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

🕊What is Cassie's default demeanor/personality❔

She has a lot of compassionate & divine/magical energy, & she is a person that is always seeking for knowledge. She truly has the best intentions in mind for other people, & she is the type of person to help those in need without expecting anything in return. She has woken up to her self & her own personal power, but she is denying her emotional truth. I get there might be a masculine energy watching over her as well, could be a family member or an ancestor. I feel like when it comes to how she is truly feeling, she is able to trick others into believing that she is okay, & I think she does a lot of that with her husband. He is very protective of her & she likes to ease his worries about how she feels, but I feel like he knows when she's trying to brush off her anxieties/sadness. She does this to avoid a confrontation or conflicting conversation that will upset her. She has coping mechanisms when it comes to leaving people out of her emotional current, & again, this is something that Alex is starting to notice. She is still holding onto her trauma & she hides it with excessive enthusiasm, but she could be coping with either depression or deep sadness. I feel she is coming out of it & she is slowly recovering because she still feels a little defensive when it comes to have something that feels like a blessing to be taken away from her; she has up an emotional wall but Alex is helping it slowly, but surely, come down. What is also showing up here is that she has a love for art of all forms, & she is even talented in many pursuits herself; I feel like she has many more (secret) talents that a lot of people don't know. We definitely don't know Cassie as much as we may seem, there is definitely so much more to her.

🕊What is surrounding Cassie at this time❓

I'm actually getting a gross energy trying to get to her (I have psychic reasoning to believe it's Diddy), & it honestly feels like it is something that's trying to distress her. I have a feeling Diddy, people from Diddy's camp, who are mutual friends of Diddy, or people close to Diddy, try to get through to her via social media, but they may be people trying to keep tabs for Diddy or he may be trying to get back in with her as a friend, through others. I feel she is suspecting that this person (we can speculate that is Diddy; this person has had a possessive, deceitful energy, & she has a history of love with) well try to gain sympathy for their past together in the public eye. She doesn't seem to trust this person due to a checkered past (now who else would that be?). Meanwhile, Cassie is in a more stable/secure place in her life, & this kind of stress is the last thing she needs. It really feels like a dark cloud that is looming over her & trying to get to her. Either she has been hearing from him recently or she is going to be hearing from him soon. I feel she tries not to let it get to her, but I feel it interferes with her focus on her marriage at times. She has been coming into her own since she released herself from the past, which allowed her to neglect herself by being devoted to a fault. Since releasing from the past, Cassie has been redirected on to her correct path all at once. I still feel she has her days, but her marriage with her husband helps her to heal. She's awakened a lot since Diddy, & she is seeing the truth of her past with him through the emotional fog. She's been working hard to heal her heart chakra, & she feels like she's finally reaching a place of emotional security. I feel a big worry for her is allowing herself to open to abuse, as she's done in the past. I feel there are times where she can't be open about these things with her husband because she doesn't want him to worry about that. She is wanting to move on from the hurt that has been having a hold on her, & she doesn't have any intent on rehashing her past, since there is a lot of sadness she still feels; stuff like trauma that doesn't go away overnight, that will take her some time to heal from.

🕊What was the relationship dynamic between Cassie & Diddy❔

I'll tell you there wasn't much love on either side of the fence within this connection. For Cassie, she is very artistically & intuitively inclined, & she was determined to make a stable foundation for herself. I feel like she was able to keep a professional relationship with Diddy & that was where she wanted to keep it. She even had an entrepreneurial spirit that had plans she wanted to execute. Unfortunately for her, Diddy was in a controlling energy when it came to what was going to be done with her career. Diddy on the other hand had every intention to fulfill a desire, or muse with Cassie. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that he had power to block any opportunities that she could possibly achieved without him. He himself was acting out through a childhood trauma & wounding. Diddy was dealing with a lot of demons (I won't say hes necessarily faced (all of) them) which allowed him to project his saboteur energy on to his relationship with Cassie, which also made its way into her career. Cassie was able to financially capitalize off of the way she looked without compromising the power of her own spirit; then comes Diddy. I won't say that she was forced to stay with him under his will, in fact she was free to do whatever she wanted, but only as long as it was with Diddy & it was within his personal restrictions. She's seen that man's shadow on many occasions, as we can imagine, & as she seen that overtime he allowed them to grow & thrive, much to her disdain. She has thought to leave the situation many a times before actually leaving. Diddy, in many ways, was trying to recapture his youth with Cassie, & it was actually a total drain of her own personal power. They created a toxic trauma/soul tie with each other, which is why Cassie is still uneasy about it & why it took her so long to leave. I don't want to speculate too much regarding pregnancies, but I see a miscarriage or loss of a child being what finally brought her to her senses. She knew she wasn't going to get anything good out of being with him, & she had intense feelings & reasons to believe that he wasn't going to change/grow with her. So their relationship wasn't on a lovey-dovey side, not even in the least bit.

🕊 Will Cassie & Diddy reconnect; as friends❓

For Cassie, right now is a no, & I don't think she's sure about the future for the time being. She's very cognizant of his power & what he is capable of, & she doesn't believe he will change.

As for Diddy, Cassie's expectations seem to be correct, he's not going to be able to grow enough for her. I feel like it will take him to open up his being to heal his trauma; he has too much pride to admit it to himself, let alone heal it. He would not reach out in a genuine manner right now, that's for sure.

🕊 What is surrounding Cassie & Alex Fine's marriage at this time❔

Right now, they seem to be hitting a rough patch, & it seems like there have been instances where Diddy, or people within his camp or close to him, has already trying to reach out & get in touch with Cassie. It feels like they've dealt with the 'elephant's in the room, which was the fact that she is still hearing from him, but Alex still feels a certain type of way about it, though he chooses to mask how he truly feels to his wife. He feels like he is fighting for her, or fighting to be with her, while Cassie finds this connection that she has with Alex to be a spiritually healing one; she has changed a lot, thanks to this marriage. She feels Alex/this connection has rescued her, & she believes this was a blessing/gift from her ancestors. I do feel Alex believes in Cassie's love for him, & he loves/trusts her in return; it's Diddy, & anyone associated with him, is what he doesn't trust. Alex feels Diddy is very unpredictable & unstable, based off of what his wife has told him, but I feel they have been open about nearly everything; what Alex DOESN'T speak on is his disdain & paranoia regarding the whole thing. He has a respect & recognition for her that he heavily rewards her with his loyalty. I feel he is a source for a lot of beautiful words & great advice to offer her as well, & she definitely learns from him, just as he learns from her. I feel Cassie's ancestors come to her & give her guidance dealing with Diddy's pop-ups & she is more aware of how to handle it; which is really to ignore him while she's trying to eject him from her system. It was a point where she would be on the verge of breaking down but her husband has been helping her through that. It really feels like they are trying to get over a dark cloud in their marriage, but they intend to be okay within the connection. I feel Alex has actually posed a threat along the lines of, "If you keep hear from them again, I'm going to say something", & I wouldn't be surprised if he already has. Overall, they're in a happy space together as a couple, & they continue to teach & uplift each other.

🕊 Will the Fine's marriage last for the long haul❓

There is potential for a long lasting marriage, but there is still this conflicting energy that is underlying & leaving one (or both) of them guarded. I'm getting that their meeting was destined & divinely orchestrated & it has room to go far, though there is still an unpredictability that needs sorting out. Despite there being the energy of opposites attracting one another, there is still love here that is unconditional. Concrete emotions/feelings have been established between them, but there is still external strife regarding an expected outcome (of a message). I feel legal action suggested to be taken after concern of this income. This feels like people who have caused stress or who was a part of her past life (with Diddy) that still try to reach out to Cassie, which causes her to have some stresses over it. I feel if a restraining order hasn't already been established, they are in talks with a lawyer about their options; they feel like Diddy is a huge concern for Cassie's mental/emotional health, as if he has ways of getting to her which she may be expectant of (I doubt any of this will be publicized, they plan to have a very private marriage life). I see her ancestors/guides pushing her to heal these parts of her that feels stagnant because of her past. Like I said before, she's getting there despite still having her moments. Despite dealing with this dark cloud energy, Cassie & Alex are actively building towards the future & have a 'wait & see' attitude about everything. There is emotional healing/purging that needs to happen before she could get into a confident place in her marriag, & the sense that she can brief about anxieties from the past. One thing I did see is that Cassie may want to branch out onto her own profession/career that she is passionate about but may be having some fears about how it will go & a part of her is worried that Diddy will be surface in her life in some way. Until she can heal from this trauma, she will be able to fully enjoy her marriage in confidence.

🕊 What lies in the future for Cassie + advice for her❔

Cassie will be facing her own emotional cycles, as well as fulfilling familial obligations. All of this new energy and experiences are able to be teachable on both ends of the spectrum; She is growing & learning with her husband & daughter, & she will be uncovering her true self in the process. She will be going through major changes/cycles that may take her through highs & lows, but it is all in an effort to achieve peace & balance in her life. She isn't finished with dealing with dark days where her emotions are uncontrollable, but she still plans to move forward. She's working through an energy that has made it hard to trust others, but Alex means her well so she is finding it easy to trust him, thereby learning to be open with others again in a more "organically Cassie" way. I feel there is a lot of inner turmoil that she isn't acknowledging or that she is holding onto. Caring for her daughter is helping to teach her patience and love in all forms. There is a duality that needs to be understood instead of oppressed. I also feel she has a lot of ideas/projects that she may want to invest in, but she never acted on that calling because of what she would be up against. I expect her to be very lowkey about her life in the public, as well as her marriage, & she may not even shared these passions or desires with many people. She believes she is destined to heal others through her own healing and that is her exact approach and motive from here on out (a career move she decides to take will probably be a reflection of that). She's allowing her ancestors/spirit team to guide her & she is working on her surrender to trust to the higher workings.

Advice: Cassie may be trying to heal a wounded energy child of hers. She may need to be careful expressing her pain or sadness their self destructive or uncontrolled ways. She has to be careful not to take on the world problems as her own, as well as an undiscovered or unexplored temper/anger that can build-up & manifest into something out of her control. There is also an issue of her being entrapped in her head that may be less than helpful to her. Cassie knees to allow all of herself to crumble what she is clinging on to so she can become inspired again; a 'destroy & rebuild' tactic. She should come to realize all in her life that is beautiful & find faith in being 100% open to any and all possibilities available to her. She needs to focus on lifting the veil around all that she use to allow as truth; she must have more of an questioning approach to everything. Anything unaligned with her spirit will need to be removed from her life, whether by her own doing or by the hand of spirit. She needs to approach things as a mediator for her own personal energy; she needs to be able to have neutral motives or fairness when it comes to herself & others, & she needs to establish the proper boundaries that will protect herself from those who mean her harm.

🕊 BONUS QUESTION:

😤 How does Alex Fine feel about Diddy + his kids (mainly his sons)❓

Alex feels Diddy is plotting behind the scenes, as he has actively tried to get under Cassie, & his, skin. He may be worried that Cassie's grief toward him is romantic, which is far from true. He harbors a lot of resentment for Cassie's past, & he doesn't trust that Diddy won't try to keep resurfacing. He also feels personally that Diddy thinks too highly of himself & his negative judgment of reality. He doesn't agree with his lifestyle, but he feels his motives/actions are coming from a hurt place. Alex's overall view of the Combs' brothers is that they are 'grown up products' of their father & to see them go down a certain route would be unfortunate to him. He also feels grief for 2/3s of the boys' loss of their mother (he slightly feels this grief for Diddy as well, which he feels contributes to his theory), & he finds it unfortunate they don't have a positive influence in their father. He does believe Diddy has some demons & darkness that dwells within him & that he is an unstable person.

[another-sonic-blog]

The Dark Prince: Chapter One: Team

I am tired. Truthfully I am.

No matter how long I popped my back, it will still hurt. My eyes would close themselves and my body will not respond to my commands. The room I was in wasn't helping either. The dim lights, the soft whisper of people talking between each other, the delicate yet strong aroma of recently made coffee made everything almost too perfect.

"A large cup of black coffee please"

    I heard his voice clearly enough to not recognize it. "Hey there Dark Prince."

I collected all of my strength to keep on going and at least bring the best customer service to my number one client.

"You too? I don't know what's with people calling me that."

"Well, it just fits you... or do you prefer to be called 'Dark Lord?"

"Well it indeed reminds me of Star Wars so..."

"Well yeah, we are not changing it."

    Shadow showed me those small yet powerfully cute fangs as he smirked. There were good intentions behind his annoyance with his nickname. Shadow always liked to be secretive when it came to him. So many people calling him Dark Prince wasn't on his plans, meaning people knew what he was doing in secret wasn't so secret after all.

"Are you feeling alright?"

        I recognized an honest look of concern in Shadow's face, I must have looked at my worse because it was rare to see Shadow with such face.

"Yes, I am just tired. It's been a long day."

    I received Shadow's black coffee from my co-worker. Shadow's eyes lift up in excitement, it was one of the few moments where I could appreciate him fully. Although he was the ultimate life form, he still acted like one of us. He was one of us.

"Well...Thank you for coming to Momo Cafe."

"My pleasure."

      Shadow took the coffee from my hand and our fingers touched lightly. It was normal for it to happen, but I had to admit that it made my heart flutter when it shouldn't.

.

.

.

   I still don't know why I became addicted to coffee. Maybe because Amy was crazy about it too or because I had the opportunity to see her every time I buy coffee.

I had to admit that she had me at her will. The reason? To be honest, I still didn't know.  Maybe I wasn't in love with her but just appreciated her deeply. Rouge says that I am, that the fact alone that I became addicted to coffee because Amy was good of enough proof that I am indeed in love with her.

But I am not sure.

I had never experienced love this way before. It wasn't like the family love I had for Maria, but more... intimate. To be honest, I am still learning the ways in which the world works. Sometimes I can come off as "rude" or "empathic" but I think it's because I still don't know how to communicate properly.

Which is why I let my actions speak for me. Or at least I try.

I am really trying, really I am. But sometimes I get tired.

And today I am tired. Truthfully I am.

.

.

.

   I showed up to G.U.N in my motorcycle and the guard let me in as soon as he saw me. He was a good guy, last time I spoke to him, he had fixed his problems with his wife and everything was even better for him when the news came that he was going to become a father.

Sometimes I wonder, what it feels like to be part of a family.

But maybe that's just not for me.

I walked through the doors of G.U.N as the cool of the A.C hit my face. It's been fresh these days so I really wonder why they keep the AC on times like this.

"Oh, the Dark Prince arrived"

"Ah, if only I had the courage to tell him how I feel"

"He is just so dreamy"

  The same as usual. It seems like they tend to forget that I have better hearing than the average person. It's not that I mind the compliments or the quiet love confessions. It's that it's just the same, you may think that being a secret spy would be an exciting life full of adventures but it's honestly not that easy. Yes, we do go in missions, but not as much as I would like it to be.

"Why does it have to be so cold in here!?

I am freezing! I am going to get a cold...."

    Ok, that was my call, that wasn't the first time I hear a complaint about the temperature in the building. I was going to have to talk to the commander directly.

There's a lot of things that fail at G.U.N but the worst one was the thermostat for the whole building was located at the Commander's office.  "To prevent fights between our individuals and most importantly to prevent a higher cost of energy in our building. It is already high as it is Agent Shadow...."

Well, that's what he told him. Nonetheless, in cases where it was 0 Celsius degree outside, changes needed to be made.

 I knocked on his door twice, there was no answer. I knocked again and waited for an answer. Nothing happened. Usually, I wouldn't enter but since must G.U.N members can probably get frostbite by how cold it is, I decided to take my chances. I opened the door to find the Commander sleeping, face directly resting on his desk, hands laying next to his head.

  I walked around next to him but my nose was already telling me something that mind didn't want to admit.

I didn't want to touch him, I didn't have the need to.  Nobody visits the building over the weekend, his dead body could have been laying down there since then,  we just didn't know.

His killer was a smart one too, raising the temperature of the building so his body would decompose at a slower pace was a smart move.

Way too smart.

.

.

.

"Commander was murder on Thursday night of last week at 3:00 AM. Witnesses claim-"

      When I heard the news from Shadow that the Commander, our Commander had been killed, I... didn't feel much. Even now after a couple of hours of this announcement, I still couldn't find myself to feel anything.

But Shadow was feeling something. I could tell that he was hiding his own dissent. He was standing over the window looking to nowhere in particular. Shadow had been partners with the Commander for a couple of missions now, and it was speculated that over time they grew a bond. I'll say even develop something like a friendship.

"Can you cut it and tell us who did it already?"

      If looks could kill, Shadow would of have killed one of his co-workers right now.  The young lady cleared her throat and took a deep breath before responding.

"Amy Rose, age 20, owner of the famous Momo Cafe that is located in Chaos Street."

The room went silent, I looked at Shadow, his eyes shaking while watching the video that incriminated our pink friend.

"No! There must be a mistake-", I stood up, offended by the fact alone that Amy's name was mentioned.

"Rouge, no...let them finish"

.

.

.

   The day was done and finally, I was free from the addictive smell of coffee.  I closed the crystal door with my keys and as I looked up I realized there was a very familiar figure behind me.

"Hey, Shad-"

   I didn't even have time to greet him because as soon as I turned around, Shadow had already Chaos Control us out of the street.

   Next thing I knew was that there was grass in my feet.  Bushes and trees around me, Shadow standing next to me watching the sunset sent on the city.

"Alright, you have thirty seconds to tell me what's going on or I'll start screaming."

"You are being convicted for the murder of G.U.N's Commander."

"What?!"

"They must be looking for you...for us right now."

"Wait, Shadow, go slower what happened?"

   I was panicking, but Shadow looked as calm as ever. He took a few seconds to show any sign that he was still there.

"G.U.N's Commander was found dead at this office today. Witnesses and a very clear video of you committing the act are undoubtedly proof that you are indeed the one who murder him."

"No! That wasn't me, Shadow I swear, there must be a mistake-"

"I know.", Shadow looked at me, and the blaze of his red eyes made my heart skip a beat. He was always so confident about himself, but this time was different. It's like as if he was completely, irrevocably, sure about what he was doing. I felt safe and knew that everything was going to be alright by just looking at him.

"Can't you help me? You have worked for them for years. Can't you just explain-"

"I tried already and it ended up badly. Look, Amy, you just didn't 'kill' a random person. You 'murdered' G.U.N's Commander.  He ended hunger in Vijayanagar, he freed slaves in  Mohenjo-Daro, he has saved the president of this country multiple times and stopped World War Three five times...he has allies all over the world who look for revenge and they have sent their top spies to look for you and kill you."

   Shadow made a pause, noticing that it was too much information for me to take in. After a few seconds, he got closer to me and I felt a great warm coming from his body.

" and I'll protect you."

   The sun went down just like the flow in my blood. I could feel the heat going to my cheeks and I could bet that I was as red as Shadow's eyes.

"I am involved as well now and whether I want it or not, finding the true assassin is the only way to clear our names now..so until we find him..."

   The city lights glow as the sun was no longer visible,  the wind was moving softly and the tweets of the late night birds arose. Amy didn't want to admit it, but she was completely charmed by the Dark Prince.

"let's be a team"

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Previous Chapter: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/185966563480/the-dark-prince-prologue-the-dark-prince

The Dark Prince: Prologue: The Dark Prince

Next Chapter: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/185966809995/the-dark-prince-chapter-two-the-way-he-is

The Dark Prince:  Chapter Two: The Way He Is

[the-sapphire-general]

My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 3)

Well I did say I would make a third part if I had more in mind about Sephiroth. And much to my surprise, there is more! So here it is! Parts 1 and 2 can be found here so you can keep up just in case I mention anything from those posts:

My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 1)

My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 2)

Now this one will be a little different because I will include more about the portrayals I've seen throughout the Internet, my own opinions about them, and my own portrayal. Plus I will include the essay I wrote about him for one of my college courses and I might say random things about Sephiroth that I will discuss. 

First will be the portrayals of Sephiroth I have noticed throughout the Internet. I will not attack any of these or offend anyone who has these headcanons. I respect everybody's headcanons, and it's a good thing too because being a jerk to anyone who has portrayals that are different from yours is stupid and a waste of time. I have friends whose portrayals are varied, and we don't fight over how Sephiroth should act. Love them, hate them, be neutral to them, just as long as you handle this in a mature manner. 

Now I have mentioned the portrayal of Sephiroth where he's unnaturally hypersexual in part 1, so I will not go into detail about it anymore. It's already been done. Another one I will not discuss again is the mindless killing machine portrayal (mentioned in part 2). To those who do or like these portrayals, I dislike them but I will respect your choice.

Now for the portrayals. The ones I really enjoy are the ones for his Crisis Core self (or pre-Nibelheim if you want to put it that way). As I have stated before, I can relate to his past personality, so I really like a lot of the headcanons. Picturing him, say, struggling to socialize, not knowing much of certain things (i.e. video games), spending time with friends, basically being human is heartwarming for me. I take it a lot of people like CC Sephiroth, and who wouldn't? There was this one story where Sephiroth took a liking to lemon drops, which is one thing I added to my own headcanon page on my blog. I found it rather sweet and cute. That's like me but with chocolate. I love chocolate. And then there's one where he has no idea what a sitcom is due to his sheltered upbringing, and it was pretty amusing to picture Genesis and Angeal trying to explain it to him as they watched TV. There are many others that I don't think I can list since there are so many of them, and for a lot of them, I like them. There's some that I don't, but that's just my personal opinion.

Now for the Sephiroth we all know after the Nibelheim Incident. Man, I'm beginning to remember what I've read. It's hard for me to find some portrayals that I like because the ones I've seen so far were unsettling. Sephiroth being a sadistic rapist is one of the worst ones I've seen so far. Not as in the stories are poorly written or something like that but for me, it's one of my least favorite portrayals. I get that he lost his mind, but I believe he wouldn't go that far. I wouldn't go that far with my own portrayal because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Just thinking about it makes me uneasy.

I confess that I don't know my limits when it comes to portraying Sephiroth. For a long time, I've been trying to grasp his evil demeanor and I still hesitate to go further and struggle to get inside his head sometimes. So I don't know how far I can go with dark, twisted, cruel scenarios, but rape is one of my limits. I won't reveal the user, but I was recently asked if I could do necrophilia. When I got the question, I was speechless. That's another one of my limits. I really can't imagine Sephiroth being...intimate with a corpse. Much to my relief, they respected my opinion. And I like that. People should respect others because everyone has limits and if I have to force myself to write Sephiroth doing rape, acting all creepily intimate around Jenova, asphyxiation (as in the kink), or something that I don't see him doing, I won't enjoy the roleplays at all. I used to wish I could please everybody, but that's an impossible goal and I should keep in mind about what I want and don't want to do. Again, I don't know my limits too well, so if anyone wants to RP with me on my Sephiroth blog and it involves something that you're not sure if I accept or not, please message me. I'll try to get out of my comfort zone, but please respect my limits. If I don't do certain things, there are other Sephiroth blogs out there. It's simple and it will prevent pointless drama.

My portrayal for Sephiroth is close to his canon self but mixed with his CC side and my own headcanons. I try to stay close to canon as I write, and I silently read what I wrote and then read it out loud while picturing Sephiroth saying it. If what I wrote doesn't work, I revise them until they sound like Sephiroth. It's still not easy because I'm still struggling with his dark, insane, cruel self, the villain everyone knows and loves. One thing is certain is I do try my best to make him more human but still maintaining his character. I can't make him too human or else that ruins his cold and distant qualities, like making him fall madly in love with someone or bawling his eyes out. Now I haven't seen these examples anywhere, so I'm just throwing in random hypothetical headcanons here. The point is I do try my best not to make him too kind, soft, patient, you know, real nice or else that's not really Sephiroth. Lol But I also don't make him relentlessly cruel to the max 24/7. Both extremes aren't portrayals I like, so I am tackling middle ground. It's possible, and if others don't like my portrayal, that's fine, but they shouldn't judge me for it.

Since I'm discussing my own portrayal, I might as well explain other things about it. Let's see, he has interests outside of trying to destroy/conquer the world and messing with Cloud. My character is a loyal follower. Her profile isn't on my blog but her name is Maybelle Rose, and she's Sephiroth's love interest. Speaking of this, I make Sephiroth a bit of a Tsundere towards others, not necessarily involving romance like with Maybelle. He doesn't act like a stereotypical Tsundere, but he's a very, very subtle version. 

Romance. Now this is something that might piss off so many, but I can picture him in a relationship. No, I'm not talking about Crisis Core Sephiroth. I mean post-CC. Say what you want, but I can see it. If done well, it can work. I don't like following the stereotype that villains are incapable of love. Some villains can truly be incapable of love, but not ALL villains. It's not mandatory. A friend of mine claims that Sephiroth is bland. Now I completely disagree with his opinion, but it did give me confidence in pursing romance regarding Sephiroth. Heroes are written as human beings, why not do the same for villains? That's what makes characters compelling, it makes them real. That's what I'm basically trying to do with Sephiroth, and as challenging as it may be at times and despite people probably going against this idea as they read this, I'll do it. My blog now allows shippings. Yes, I now accept shippings. I used to not accept them, but I changed my mind. My reasons are shown in my rant here:

Sephiroth Fandom Rant

Okay I know I said I wouldn't mention the hypersexual Sephiroth portrayal, but I might as well. If he were in a romantic relationship, he wouldn't be like that. Sephiroth doesn't get horny around everyone. Seriously, he's not a sex-obsessed maniac. Sephiroth is a private man with dignity and he would never act extremely sexual, let alone sexual in general. He would be intimate with his significant other, but it would be in a normal level and he would be intimate in private. And I must add that my portrayal does involve Sephiroth having kinks, but he's not sex-obsessed like I said. He has self-control and he keeps things private. 

Now for the next thing. I wrote this essay over two years ago, and apparently I kept it after all this time. Lol Yes I wrote an essay about Sephiroth, back when I was still somewhat of a new fan. The assignment was to do a paper on a criminal, real or fictional, and diagnose them with specific personality disorders. However, it didn't mean that they HAD to have any of these disorders. We just had to show the instructor that we understood the material we have learned during class. Take a look at my essay here:

Essay on Sephiroth

Fun fact: My other choice for this assignment was Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. XD But Sephiroth was a better candidate and I was able to write more about him than I could have ever done about Gaston. Schizoid Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder were two of the ten types of personality disorders that came close to Sephiroth's behavior. I don't consider either of these disorders as my personal headcanons for him. I honestly never did despite Schizoid PD being pretty close. And much to my shock, my instructor liked my paper and I wound up getting an A! I never got an A on any papers, so it felt amazing to finally get a grade that was higher than a C.

Speaking of psychology, one headcanon that's somewhere online is that Sephiroth has autism. Well, it is possible because I have a friend who is autistic, but during my research on this condition, I don't see Sephiroth as autistic. Sure some of his traits do seem to resemble signs and symptoms, but speculation isn't considered a confirmation that he has autism. He might have it but I would rather have Square Enix confirm it if he really is autistic. On another note, I do understand why they headcanon him as autistic. They relate to Sephiroth because some of his traits remind them of themselves. I get that and if they think he's autistic, that's okay with me. This headcanon is also given to Papyrus from Undertale and Pearl and Peridot from Steven Universe, so I'm familiar with this. Even L from Death Note is believed to be autistic. To be honest, I kind of believe it regarding L. That's just my opinion, though.

Tangent aside, courtesy of a friend, I am more intrigued by Sephiroth in a new level. Aside from his appearance and personality, his intelligence, the way he thinks has me curious. Yes I have been trying to get into his head to improve my portrayal, and I think I found a strategy. If I want to portray and act like Sephiroth, I have to think like him...in less destructive ways, might I add. Lol I may not be an expert as Sephiroth yet, but I'll get there. I've come this far on my blog, and I'm not throwing it all away. 

Speaking of my Sephiroth blog, besides that it would be fun and such, I created my own blog because I wanted to express my passion for him. He's one of my role models that made me stronger and I just really admire him. And like I said, I knew I could connect with other fans. Sure, there's a toxic side of the fandom, but that won't stop me. I did feel offended several days ago, as mentioned in my rant, but I'm fine now. In addition to my reasons, I didn't start the blog for fame. Popularity isn't really a big deal for me, I just want to show everyone how much of a Sephiroth fan I am in creative ways. Besides, I found the thought of portraying Sephiroth a fun challenge considering he's my opposite, and he pretty much started my fascination for villains. I also made friends thanks to the blog, one of them being my best friend here on Tumblr. :)

Now to finish this post with one more thing. When I was still a new Sephiroth fan, I confess that I tried to redeem him. Of course it was a difficult task to do for a story, and I admit I was determined to do it. However, as I kept going, I slowly realized doing this implied I didn't like him the way he is, the villain he is widely known as instead of what he used to be before discovering his origins. So I drifted away from redemption and focused on Sephiroth on who he is without changing him. Today, I love Sephiroth for who he is, cruel, cold, calculating, everything. Why change a character you're supposed to love? You wouldn't do that to a real-life partner, or anyone in general. Sephiroth wouldn't have liked me for trying to make him turn a new leaf. Lol So I never pursued redemption for him again. It was too hard anyway. It's like trying to redeem the Joker! That's how hard it was for me. So screw that mind-numbing task, Sephiroth should remain as the badass villain I have grown to love.

Well, this is it. For real this time! Lol This is my final part of the "My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth" posts. I said everything I had to say about Sephiroth as I included all my thoughts, feelings, etcetera. I'm out of things to say about him, so no fourth post! XD If I ever have more Sephiroth-related comments that comes to mind, I'll just make small posts. Will I make more long posts like these? Perhaps. I had fun writing these posts. Maybe I can tackle other topics, or maybe talk about another character in detail. Well, see ya!