#(also i am very content being a trans man who takes testosterone so my gender doesn't feel threatened when a trans man takes E y'know?)

[uncanny-tranny]

On the topic of hormones, I love trans men, transmasculine people, abinary, multigender people, or whomever else who takes estrogen and trans women, transfeminine, abinary, multigender people, or whomever else who takes testosterone.

There is no "right" way to transition. You don't have to be a perfectly binary, gender conforming trans person in order to take hormones. We all have different levels of estrogen and testosterone, and that means women and nonbinary people don't have to have estrogen-dominant systems and men and nonbinary people don't have to have testosterone-dominant systems. Do what sparks joy and if it's shit, hit the bricks!

[bruciemilf]

#like - ill be very transparent. sometimes i write fem bruce solely for harvey or clark eating pussy content KSKSKS #but thats very much achievable with trans bruce so

!!!!! ohhhh pleasepleaseplease give us a few headcanons/some content!! there's not enough trans!bruce out there esp. with harv and clark!

OH MANNN. MAN. MAN. so!! I don't know If you had a set preference between nsfw or sfw and/or harv an clark hcs,, so I think it'll be a mix for both!

Warnings/tags: Degradation, housewife kink, dirty talk, name calling, breeding kink, daddy kink mention, size kink

Transitioned early; Martha, Thomas, and Alfred were as discreet as a star family gets in Gotham City, where the media's eyes never shuts. Which is never enough.

They couldn't pay rich people, media people to ignore the Bruce before the Real Bruce. But if you cared about your life even a little bit, and you didn't want to die under Thomas' scalpel, you kept your mouth shut.

Bruce got in a stage where he was cis passing enough that people didn't think twice to call him a man; I feel like he grew up around healthy examples of masculinity, but when you're in college? You try to make up for your lacks.

There's a subgenre of sexism among men tbh, that its like, specifically To them; It's like, misogyny in the open, but they victimise eachother about it.

Bruce can't quite understand why drinking and hooking up and getting blasted without even worrying there's a pill in your drink is necessarily masculine. It's certainly a privilege, thought, and he's a bit (a lot) bitter abt it

Also most def carries testosterone shots on his batman belt that he accidentally injects instead of adrenaline like, all the time.

Oh, and testosterone and estrogen? Free in Gotham. Courtesy to Wayne Enterprises

Bruce not giving a wet fuck about gender norms in the slightest bit; He'll rock a coral pink tennis skirt and shiny, peach perfumed lip gloss.

He'll rock divine silk dresses. He'll look angelic with motor oil smudged on his cheek from breaking into the autoshop.

And he doesn't really care who has what to say about it, because Harvey Dent? Can't peel his eyes off of him, and that's enough of an achievement for Bruce.

(Nsfw HCs ahead!!!)

Harvey always always worries he might say the wrong thing; the wrong name, (they have a very soft spot for Princess and Baby)

Harvey calls him Baby Girl while Bruce worked him hard with his hand and mouth, dragging holy noises out of him with just a few tugs, and Harvey apologizes profusely

" My masculinity won't shrivel up and die because of a name, Harv. Even I'm not that fragile. "

Bruce is a big time virgin but no surprise there; Have you seen that man. He falls apart at a few words and gets wet so easily it's ridiculous.

Batman riding Harvey's thigh while he's supposed to interrogate him? It's more likely than you think

That being said, he's big on degradation; Harvey calls him a perfect little slut and Bruce's brain goes fuzzy and dim. I'm sorry, but Battinson has huge " pls just break me and take care of me after" energy I am PROFITING

With Clark it's almost the same, because personally? Mean Clark. Mean Clark who'll grip Bruce's diamond sharp jaw and make those strawberry lips pucker. Just to watch those pretty eyes roll back. " Aww. Are you that needy, darlin '?"

HARVEY AND CLARK AND BRUCE? biggest housewife kinks. I'm sorry, don't shoot the messenger, they SPECIFICALLY told me to tell YOU that they love Bruce in a pink apron, legs spread open on the kitchen counter while they're " having dinner"

THE BREEDING KINK???? Bruce rides the hell out Harvey/Clark, making an absolute mess on their laps, whining, squirming, sobbing up a storm because he DEF cries during sex, and he's begging so sweetly

" please-- please, can - can I have a baby? Please? Pretty please? For me, daddy? For daddy's little wife?"

He's very persuasive when he wants to be

And as the tags mentioned; Bruce has his legs spread open wide more often than not.

If he's not laying on his back, getting the soul slurped and licked and milked out of him, he's most definetly riding Clark's or Harvey's faces and I'll die on that hill.

Harvey/Clark love how fucking Big they are compared to him. They love Bruce is small enough to move around, but big amd strong enough to grope and manhandle. Praise kink is on Heavily. " That's a good boy. "

This man's pussy makes Harvey/Clark CRY. They're completely addicted to him. Bruce is all day everyday getting spread on princess pink sheets, lingerie shredded, heels digging in his partner's back and getting SERVICED like he deserves

Pillow princess 100%%%

He likes hard stuff, but he's Very fragile in the after-care process. He's ashamed of ask for it because he's affectionate, or starves for it anyway, and doesn't expect to receive it because he didn't until Then

But it's all so soft, after. Gentle kisses. Harvey/Clark carrying him around everywhere, not minding clingy arms or sharp nails squeezing their shoulders. They're happy to hold that big baby for hours

Gets the baby he wants but like. Of course it's conceived in the dirtiest baby making sex you'll ever hear of. RIP Harvey's old DA office/car and Clark's family barn

That's all folks!!!

[fulltransmetalgenderist]

starting testosterone and having a cute guy to top has made me very interested in butch identities. i'm getting real cool and comfy with my masculinity. however, i'm struggling to learn and navigate my butchness when all the content i see is like "no men >:( lesbians only". im a dude and i love a guy and we both have complicated queer trans identities

I agree with you, the idea that butchness only belongs to lesbianism, and that lesbianism is only the absence of men, both lack nuance and don’t hold up when confronted with trans identities.

When I first knew I wanted to start testosterone and to pass as a guy in public, I had a huge crisis about my sexuality. I love women. so much. and I know, deep in my bones, that I don’t love women the same way that a cishet man loves women. but I was worried that if I start to pass and live as a man, then I would be excluded from lesbianism, because of this assumption that lesbianism is when no men. I felt lost and isolated from both lesbians and trans people. But then I read Stone Butch Blues. And then i found more books. And I read more words written by our queer elders and ancestors, who laid the groundwork for all of the lovely flavors of queer we have today. and I talked to the other queer people around me. and eventually I began to understand lesbianism not as the exclusion of men, but about the active inclusion and centering of women and other gender minorities. This new definition of lesbianism completely changed how I saw my own queer landscape. defining terms by what they are not, isn’t very useful to me anymore, I like defining queer terms by what they do, what they accomplish in a queer community.

So when it comes to being butch: think about the actions a person does that makes them butch. For me, I feel most butch when I can step up and help/protect those around me. I feel like a butch when I can give someone good directions in my city, or when I make sure me and all my friends are taking the right train going in the right direction so all they have to do is chat and be tipsy together and not worry about getting lost. I feel butch when I carry my chihuahua over puddles she can’t jump over and she wags her tail when i bend down to pick her up. I feel butch when I hold my partner in my arms and tell them it’s going to be okay. My feeling of butchness arises when my masculinity can be tender and loving and healing. By rooting my butchness in my own actions, I no longer worry about other people’s definition or conception of butch, because I know that I am actively, every day, doing butch things.

also! lesbians aren’t the only ones who use the term butch, gay men use it too. I love how in love with masculinity queers are, and I love that both lesbians and gay men know that cishet men don’t have a monopoly on masculinity, and that queer masculinity is special and unique and deserving of it’s own wonderful word.

and one last little note: as a leftist I am opposed to all nations, states, and borders. when we queers try making hard and fast boundaries between identities, I fear that we are accidentally making our own nation states that require border patrol and enforcement. and I hate border patrol with every cell of my body. we don’t need that shit in our queer communities. abolish borders. they’re so bad for you.

[flannelsandviolets]

google searching "am i butch?" || 001

It starts with an idea, a possibility. Could I be butch? 

I’ve known that I like women ever since I discovered it was possible - that was around the age of 11 or 12. Over the years, I’ve fluctuated between bisexual, pansexual, queer, sapphic, but eventually at age 22 coming to the conclusion that I am, most likely, just a lesbian. 

I’ve also been on a journey with my gender identity - at age 14 I came out as a trans man, and I lived as a trans man for seven years. However, people change over time, and people’s identities can change too. I realized earlier this year that I no longer identified as a trans man, in fact, I didn’t really identify with any gender at all. I started labeling myself as agender. I stopped taking testosterone (for several reasons). 

For several months, I thought about what I wanted to do moving forward. Life would surely be easier if I no longer made my transness visible and public… so after those months of deliberation, I decided to detransition and try to live as a woman. This didn’t last very long. I went into a residential mental health treatment program, and being in a social setting with dozens of my peers quickly made me realize something. I didn’t want to be perceived as a woman, I didn’t want to live as a woman, there was something fundamentally unrelatable about womanhood. But I didn’t want to live as a man either. I am nonbinary, and I wanted to be perceived that way. So I came out again, explaining what I have just explained to you, that I don’t want to try to force myself to live as a woman when I am not one - even if it would be “easier” I would not be happy. 

I’m still very connected to masculinity, even though I am no longer a man. And I’m still very connected to femininity, even though I feel so disconnected from womanhood itself; I was raised female, I was socialized as female, I have spent about two-thirds of my life as female, of course I feel some sort of connection to it. This dichotomy of feeling simultaneously masculine and feminine is pretty damn confusing, and might deserve its own post eventually. But for right now, I am content with knowing I live with a foot in each world. 

That brings us to where I am today. I’m firm in my identity as an agender queer lesbian. I started to learn more about being a lesbian and different identities within the lesbian community, and that led to learning about being butch. At first, I thought I knew what being butch meant - that’s just a masculine lesbian, right? 

Doing some research, especially hearing directly from people who identified as butch, showed me that my view of butchness was very narrow. Being butch is more than just being a masculine lesbian. It’s a gender identity, it’s a feeling. It’s a choice, and simultaneously it’s not a choice - being butch is integral to who you are, it’s not a costume you can take on or off. But choosing to embody that identity, that part is a choice. Is being butch even something I can claim for myself? Or do I have to wait for others to view me in that way, to perceive me as masculine enough to deserve the title? There’s this energy, this feeling, that I am masculine and feminine all at once, I am this weird little creature who doesn’t quite fit in either world. Being butch is about how I present myself, and it’s about how I feel inside. 

I’ve spent so long rejecting the label of “butch” that I never stopped to explore what it could mean for me. “I can’t be butch, I’m a trans man,” or, “I can’t be butch, I like some feminine things.” 

I think being butch can give me a new lens to view my connection to womanhood and femininity. My gender and my sexuality are both so deeply and inherently tied to the experience of womanhood (or lack of it), and trying to describe those experiences in any other words, words that DON’T acknowledge those ties, is simply insufficient. But trying to define myself as a woman is not accurate either, even as a butch woman. I am agender, I am queer, I am sapphic. And I just might be butch too. 

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

4 ryn: thnx so much for your beautifully worded explication of non binary transition. I’m about to start mine with the same concept of a goal of total androgyny in mind. I’m wondering what your experiences on low dose t gel was like? Did it move you toward an androgyny you liked? Did your relationship to your body and to gender change dramatically? Thnx!

[refering to this ask]

Lee says:

I think you misunderstood the answer! Ryn hasn’t taken low-dose t gel. Ryn wrote “I consider myself non-binary trans feminine […] an amab person, I am taking estrogen.”

However, I was on low-dose testosterone gel for about 10 months, so I can try to answer about T. Ryn will/might add on with their experience with E.

As far as how testosterone impacted my gender feels- I guess I went from feeling more transneutral to transmasculine, but I still don’t identify as male-aligned.

Low-dose testosterone didn’t change my body very much, and top surgery was a much bigger game changer for my relationship with my body.

Being on low-dose T didn’t change how often I passed very much, so it was more of a mental change for me. I don’t think that low-dose T changed my relationship to my body or my gender drastically- the biggest change was an improvement in my mental health due to a decrease in dysphoria, and an increase in confidence I guess.

I had originally wanted “confuse cis strangers on the street” androgyny, but it wasn’t exactly what I ended up getting. I had wanted people to not gender me at all, but instead I ended up getting gendered as male 50% of the time and gendered as female 50% of the time.

It’s really hard to pass as non-binary- I’ve found that strangers who can’t tell what gender you are sometimes refer to you with (maybe randomly chosen) gendered pronouns and gendered terms anyway because they’re stuck in a binary mindset and don’t know what else to do, or they become hostile and you find yourself getting shouted at when you enter the women’s locker room so you go to the men’s locker room and then they tell you to leave there too. 

I didn’t really like that- while being gendered as female and male in equal parts might be as close to androgyny as I could get, I was dysphoric when people saw me as a girl. Some people’s ideal presentation is being able to switch between passing as male or female, but it just wasn’t right for me.

In the end, I decided that I would rather be seen as male most of the time than get misgendered as a girl, even though in an ideal world I’d be able to have people automatically use gender neutral terms for me and pass as non-binary.

So I changed my dose from low-dose T to a “standard dose” after a little less than a year on low-dose T, and now I’ve been on T for about 2 years in total, one year on low-dose and one year on standard-dose. I’ve documented more on my medical transition here.

Now I’m getting gendered as male mostly, which isn’t euphoria-causing but it doesn’t make me dysphoric either. Strangers still gender me as female maybe a quarter of the time, give or take, so I’m not 100% male-passing, but they also tend to give me the benefit of the doubt in men’s bathrooms now so I don’t get shouted at these days (knock on wood).

I know that right now, if I changed my presentation/gender expression (like growing out my hair, or even just wearing a pink women’s shirt) I’d be able to go back to being seen as a woman pretty easily despite my 2 years on (varying doses of) T.

Strangers now tend to see me as a feminine guy instead of as masculine woman, but being gendered as female bothers me less these days because I have less dysphoria now as a result of my medical transition.

Forgoing the ability to easily pass as a woman is kind of scary, and it sort of makes me feel like I’m giving something up or losing something that was a part of me. It’s a weird feeling, especially considering that I don’t actually want to be gendered as female.

It hasn’t happened yet, but as I continue on T, I think that doing something like wearing a dress is going to stop making strangers think I’m a cis woman and will start making them think I’m a man in a dress.

Right now, I’m not drawn to feminine things (presentation-wise), but if it stops being associated with being misgendered maybe I’ll find it more appealing than I do now. I don’t know if that would make me feel more comfortable shifting to a feminine gender expression so I’d continue to be seen as androgynous/gender non-conforming as my body becomes more masculine- only the future knows. 

While I don’t regret taking T at all, this isn’t really what I anticipated happening when I started hormones. But I do feel much more comfortable in my own body now, and even though I’m often gendered as male I still see myself as androgynous when I look in the mirror.

Right now, I feel content with my body & where I’m going, but I don’t know if I’ll continue on T forever. I had a hysterectomy about a year ago, but I chose to keep my ovaries in case I decide to stop T at some point in the future.

————–

Ryn says:

Like Lee says, passing as non-binary is hard. I’m now taking a dose of estrogen that is in line with what most binary trans women are given. I was started on low dose in part because I was non-binary and in part because I was leaving the country for four months promptly after starting and couldn’t do any followup tests during that time.

Honestly overall I haven’t moved so much towards “androgyny” per se. My body and presentation have feminized, and I tend to get gendered as a woman more often now, which I realized I was okay with and sometimes I kinda like. Society does not like androgyny. They will shove you in a box as hard as they can. I realized being out and non-binary in the world is really hard, like Lee said above. Honestly, they explained a lot of things I feel really well. While I could be gendered equally as a man or as a woman, I don’t like being gendered as a man– it makes me very dysphoric. My relationship to my body has changed. I’m not as dysphoric about it in general anymore. My transition of course is ongoing, as is my journey of self-discovery around my gender. I’ve been realizing more and more that I am, while not a woman, a very femme-aligned non-binary person. Like I said in the original ask, as a nonbinary person, my transition is my own. My psychiatrist, who prescribes my estrogen, is very willing to work with me to adjust my doses if I need to achieve what I’m looking for. He recognizes that the trans journey is not a “one-size-fits-all” situation. I think your best options, as far as shooting for total androgyny, is to figure out once you start your transition what makes you the happiest, and shoot for that. That might change, and your presentation and hormone regimen can change with it. Keep up with your doctor and your therapist, and just keep sort of an eye on your own thoughts and feelings. Figure out what makes you feel what way. Figure out what presentation, what clothing, gets you gendered certain ways and how that makes you feel. I wish you the best of luck.

————–

Lee says:

Oh! It looks like we both started on low-dose hormones then decided to go up to a higher dose for similar reasons which is interesting.

Transfeminine resources

Transmasculine resources

Non-binary resources

Non-binary medical transition & hormones

[cardshcrp]

Before we begin, please do note that I am not a medical professional. This is a personal post meant to help my mutuals & followers in a casual context with questions I receive often or issues I’ve noticed that people aren’t quite sure about but often are not entirely comfortable asking for fear of being offensive. I am also doing this in a muse-specific context for my muse, while including a large amount of general information to hopefully be informative, because I wanted to and it seemed like others wanted me to when I suggested it. I think having an open conversation is very important and while I am happy to talk with you, always, not every trans mun will be comfortable in this way. If a trans mun asks you to simply read their blog posts about a topic or tells you they aren’t comfortable with a topic, please don’t press as everyone’s comfort is different. I do suggest research using reputable sources if you’d like to further look into a topic; you are welcome to contact me to be pointed towards some of course, or have private conversations if confused about something or wanting to know more. I am also typically welcoming to people who may be questioning their gender and have questions about my personal experience.

TL;DR I can’t speak for all trans people and this is my attempt to be helpful from my perspective using my personal knowledge, experience, and research into topics that are very important to me personally. I am not a medical professional or a gender therapist.

THE GENERAL QUESTIONS.

1. Is Remy openly trans? If not, in which cases would my muse know about it? Is it acceptable for my muse to step in if someone says something transphobic in character in a thread, etc.? 

He is and he isn’t. Sorry, that was a bad answer - no. He’s not openly trans, but it isn’t a secret. He informs medical professionals when he requires treatment, and he certainly does go around shirtless often. However, his top surgery scars are reasonably faded with age and he has many scars on his torso, which means that people often don’t pay them particular notice. Top surgery is a procedure in which breast tissue is reduced and the chest is cosmetically restructured to appear as we would associate with a cis man; this can but does not always include areola reduction to fit better with the new appearance. There are a few different ways to perform this that leave different scar patterns, but the most commonly known one (and the one that Remy has) involves two horizontal scar lines across the base/just under the breast. 

Your muse likely would not know he is trans unless they were familiar with the scars and looking enough to notice them, he is informing them in a pre-sexual content, or your muse has heightened senses or some other power that would allow them extra perception and so on. If your muse wants to defend him against some kind of transphobia, that’s all well and good, but frankly he’s liable to thoroughly thrash anyone who’s going to be phobic to him and support is really all he ever needs. He can fight his own battles. He is male-passing.

2. How long has Remy known he’s trans? What does it mean to be trans? Does he know his deadname? Does he tell people his deadname? What’s a deadname?

Being transgender means that someone identifies as a gender other than the sex they were assigned at birth. Remy is a female to male trans person (FTM) and was assigned female at birth (AFAB), meaning biologically and genetically he was originally what we would consider female. If you identify with your gender to match the sex you were assigned at birth, you would be cisgender. People may realize they are trans at any age, though it typically involves a period of struggling with their identity, and generally use the pronouns of the gender they identify as. Nonbinary people can also fall under the trans umbrella. 

Remy identified as male from early childhood and in fact did not realize his biology did not match his identity until he was somewhat older (i.e. around eleven or twelve). This is not universal. He is aware of his deadname but has never really used it (aside from for reasons referred to in this headcanon) as quite frankly, it’s a fucking mouthful and he just doesn’t like it in general. It’s quite old-fashioned and difficult. His adoptive family is also aware of it and do not use it. It’s safe to assume your muse wouldn’t, and if they did for some reason find out and use it on him, they’re also probably going to get 300 kicked.

3. When did he start transitioning? Is he “fully” transitioned? Is fully transitioning a thing?

Fully transitioning isn’t a thing. The transition experience is subjective entirely according to the trans person and what they need in order to identify as their gender. For instance, someone could never undergo any surgery or change of dress and consider themselves fully transitioned. I will say that the common misconception involves ‘completing’ a surgical routine, specifically regarding genitalia. It’s not necessary if the person does not need it for their comfort. Some people do. Common elements of transitioning in general include: non-surgical chest binding or chest accentuation, top surgery or breast augmentation, removal of reproductive organs if desired, genital surgery, changing manner of dress and behavior to suit the identified gender. Bottom line is that your genitalia does not define your gender identity. Transition needs are suited to each individual person and what they feel they need to be comfortable. 

Remy considers himself fully transitioned according to what he needs. He has received top surgery and is on testosterone; he has not received a hysterectomy or genital restructuring and does not desire genital surgery, though he is undecided on the hysterectomy. He does not have plans to have one, as it’s a costly procedure and the recovery isn’t ideal for someone as active as he is. That may change in the future. He started transitioning medically at the age of 16, which is when he began receiving HRT. I have a page concerning this here, so as not to extend this FAQ past the insane length it’ll already be.

4. Is Remy on testosterone? What the hell’s a HRT? What happens when you’re on T, and the different methods of taking it. What happens if you stop?

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is the process during which someone is assigned to take hormones/hormone medication in order to provide them bodily changes so that their body more closely aligns to their identity and may allow them to “pass” as their identified gender more easily. For instance, female-to-male men would take testosterone (T), and male-to-female women would take estrogen (if desired or needed). I can’t speak on the estrogen administration and I don’t want to get that wrong, so I will talk mostly about T here - any trans ladies are welcome to add in. I know the basics but don’t want to misrepresent, so. 

T is available in skin patches, gel, pills, and shots. The patches and gels are lower dosages and take longer to have a visible effect, while the shots are generally the most known method of delivery. When you take hormones, your body does change. It doesn’t undo your first puberty, but a trans man on T would reduce in body fat and increase in muscle mass somewhat, and a redistribution of body fat. Within 1-3 months on a ‘standard’ dosage typical effects include increased sex drive, increased vaginal dryness, acne, hair growth overall, and mentioned muscle/fat changes. Notably, the clitoris also grows and may appear somewhat like a very small penis, and typically this growth is in the range of 1-3 cm. Within 6 months, menstruation usually stops and voice drops and begins to change, though that process may take a long time. After a year or so facial hair growth may start, though the rate at which it becomes steady may take years, and male-pattern baldness may also be a problem for some men if it’s a thing in their family and so on. 

 You do have to keep taking it, and if you stop some effects are permanent - i.e. voice change, and clitoris growth. Hair growth may reduce but is unlikely to completely stop. Menstruation does return, and your fat and muscle also resume their previous distributions over time.

Remy is on testosterone and has been. He uses the shot method. 

5. Does he menstruate if he’s on T? What’s that like if so?

He no longer menstruates on T. However, here let’s address the other associated question - yes, trans men can get pregnant despite being on T and not menstruating. Birth control is still important. This isn’t true for everyone. Some people may become sterile forever. However, there has been research on this, and it has been found that despite lack of actual menstruation, ovulation still occurs in some cases. However, if a trans man becomes pregnant, he would have to stop T in order to carry to term if desired, as otherwise the hormones are toxic for a fetus. 

6. Does Remy experience dysphoria, and if so to what extent? How does it affect him? What is dysphoria, and why does it matter?

Gender dysphoria is a disconnect between a person’s identified gender and biological sex, i.e. when a person feels they are of a different gender than the one that ‘matches’ their physical sex characteristics. 

Yes, he does. He used to experience it to a far greater degree, obviously; it was particularly bad in regards to his chest. However, after top surgery and being on T for years, he is mostly comfortable with his body. He has no real lingering dysphoria from the waist up and has mostly conquered his bottom dysphoria as well; however, there are still some days in which he struggles with it and would not want to be touched/penetrated vaginally for his own comfort. Sexual contexts are mostly the only area he experiences lingering bother on this.

7. What is packing? Does Remy do it? Explain packing and the types of packing.

Packing is the practice in which FTM men essentially wear a prosthetic penis. This may be to help them pass or simply because it alleviates their personal dysphoria. There are many types of packers; some are just makeshift stuffing or fabric. Others are made to enable men to pass in the bathroom and relieve themselves standing without being questioned, and are called stand-to-pee (STP) devices. Others are made with the capacity to be used for sex (called pack n plays, etc.), which are typically made out of body safe silicone. In this case it should be noted that they are semi-erect only. It would be pretty inconvenient to pack a rock-hard prosthetic all hours of the day.

Remy does not typically pack as he feels it lowers his overall agility and he has reached fairly low levels of bottom dysphoria. He does on occasion if a particular costume makes him feel dysphoric or has a partner who very much likes spontaneity and he just wants that option for a particular day.

8. Remy has a fair number of stereotypically female habits. Is it because he’s trans?

Uh, no. It’s just because he likes doing certain things and likes generally being self-sufficient. He likes pink (purple too) because it’s a pretty color and it looks good on him, and additionally looks good in his eyes; and due to his altered eye biology, colors do appear differently to him, so he does have an attachment to colors that really look good both to him and others when worn. He likes cooking because good food is delicious and his metabolism is super fast, so he has to eat a lot anyway. Enjoying the process doesn’t hurt. He sews because it’s useful, and so on.

A trans man can be as ‘feminine’ as he likes. It doesn’t make him less of a man.

9. Would he date a trans woman, trans man, or a nonbinary person? Are trans people more likely to date one gender identity over another?

Sure he would! He’s pan and would date anyone of any (or no) gender identity. And in general, no, trans people really aren’t more likely to date one gender over another. Sexuality =/= gender identity. A trans person can be gay, could be straight, bi, pan, ace, it doesn’t matter! It’s person to person no matter what your gender identity is. Yes, you can be gay if you’re trans, you can be lesbian if you’re trans.

10. My character XYZ is magical and could change Remy physically if he wanted it. Would he want to have a flesh peen? Is it offensive to ask?

It’s not offensive to me if you ask. However, this may not hold true for other muns. I understand that it’s an easy leap to make and you probably are coming from a very good place and want to help my muse be happy, but the answer is a very big no! He wouldn’t want that. To him (and me), magically providing a flesh and blood penis would negate the years and years of working to be comfortable with his body as who he is, and he’s proud to be trans. This is my opinion and may be subjective according to other muns and muses.

11. I’m thinking about writing a trans character, but I’m cis and I don’t want to offend anyone. Should I? If I did, would drag queens, etc. be appropriate face claims? Please note that for this question, I can only give you my personal opinion.

My general opinion here is kind of neutral. I don’t think people should be banned from writing things regardless of whether or not you identify as x thing you would like to write a character as being. However, I do think that if you want to write a trans character, you need to have a lot of research. We are often misrepresented in media and it does suck, there doesn’t need to be more of it. There is not a lot of open conversation about being trans because it is a really difficult thing, and that’s understandable, and it makes it hard. I’d say it’s fine if you’re genuinely dedicated to doing a good, positive portrayal, and it’s not the literal only element your muse has, but I would also say that you should treat it as a professional endeavor if you want to be an ally because it means a lot. Will you get hate? I don’t know. Would I personally attack you? No, not unless you were transphobic in your portrayal. Should you use a drag queen as your face claim? No. If you write a trans person, you should use either a trans face claim or a cis face claim of the gender your muse identifies as. Drag queens ultimately are doing performance art and while some trans people may do drag, it is performance art and a character being presented in an exaggerated way as a way of showing skill at makeup and costuming. It isn’t what someone looks like in real life on the daily and shouldn’t be portrayed as such unless your muse is literally a drag queen and is performing, you know what I mean?

THE NSFW-RELATED QUESTIONS.

12. Does T have bedroom side effects? If so, what are they?

Yes. I’d say please refer to #4 for the obvious! Vaginal dryness is common and clit growth as well, which does also change how you should handle said clit. In general, I’d say a good rule is to be more careful. It’s sensitive and delicate, do not treat it roughly and continuously check in with your partner! Every person has different sexual preferences, so I’m not even going to touch this in depth; if you want to know Remy’s, feel free to ask me separately!

13. Do the bits change, because I don’t know and I’m afraid to ask?

Yes they do! See #4, I put this with the rest of the testosterone effects. (:

14. What do I call the no-no’s if we smut? Do I ask IC or OOC? Is it bad to ask?

This is a pretty subjective question. As a general rule: ask the mun. Every trans person has a different preference; some of us will call our clitoris the dick, refer to vagina and asshole as front hole and back hole respectively, some of us say vagina, clit, pussy, cunt, it’s seriously all personal preference. Some trans women like to call their penis their clit. I think it’s a good idea to ask OOCly about this, and if you’re wondering whether your muse should ask in a thread or something, ask the mun that too! It’s better to ask instead of use the wrong thing, as the wrong terms may cause dysphoria and discomfort in some people.  Please ask this question as it’s important and people don’t ask this enough.

Remy is fine with most terminology if it is not being used in a degrading or fetishizing manner. It does not upset him to use the words vagina, pussy, etc. and likewise he’s happy to hear that you want to suck his dick. This isn’t universal. Not all my trans muses use the same terminology.

15. Is he comfortable with vaginal penetration? Because he has a vagina, is that preferable? (John Mulaney voice: WOULD THAT BE GOOD FOR YOU?)

Just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean you necessarily only want to use that. Straight cis women sometimes have a preference for butt stuff; it’s just a matter of preference. Some trans men don’t like it at all because they don’t and/or it makes them dysphoric. Some trans men love it and prefer it.

Yes, most days he is fine with vaginal penetration if it’s on the table. Some days he isn’t, but in general he’s okay with it and enjoys it as a manner of sex. Not all my trans muses are like this.

16. I’ve been on Pornhub a lot and we all know that’s a super inclusive place to get our information, so because he’s trans he’s a bottom, right? That means bottom?

It really doesn’t. Again, this is sexual preference and has nothing to do with gender identity. Unfortunately porn tends to fetishize trans people, that’s just what happens. As a trans person who previously dabbled in sex work, I promise you, it does happen. (As a side note: if you ever use the phrase ‘bonus hole boy’ in front of me I will block you instantly. I hate nothing more than that.)

Remy is a service switch. He’s happy to top or bottom, give or receive, dom or sub; some trans people may have strict preferences just like cis people. 

Thanks for reading! I appreciate you. If you’d like to leave a tip and support my getting through daily life and hopefully saving for top surgery, my Ko-Fi is here. I hope this was helpful, and if you have any further questions please do feel free to contact me!

[averyconradwilde]

Introduction

Hi, I'm grateful that I found other de-transitioning and re-identifying womyn on here. I'm 48 years old and I medically transitioned FTM 26 years ago. I started T in 1992, underwent mastectomy in 1994 and hysterectomy in 2003. I was considered ‘very passable’ by social standards. I served as an FTM support group facilitator and transgender youth advocate, and I worked as a cultural competency trainer for human services organizations wishing to better serve transgender clients. At no time during the early years was I aware of any doubt/regret/grief or did I ever have any reason to think I was misdiagnosed. In fact, during my ‘honeymoon period’ of the first 10 years, I was blissfully happy. (Anyone who wants to proclaim that I was ‘never truly trans’ is out of their fucking mind).

However as time went on, if pressed, I could admit that there were some things about my transition I was deeply disenfranchised about. My mastectomy surgery was complicated by a post-surgical infection that resulted in a failed nipple graft; this resulted in full loss of sensation and additional scarring on one side that I had not expected and I experienced extreme shame about this. My boyish chest and my plans for shirt-free living had not materialized to my satisfaction.

I also identified as a gay male and I experienced a level of sexual rejection from gay men (which I had frankly never experienced from straight men when previously living  as a woman). I let this eat away at me and really undermine my sense of self. I began to feel extremely inferior and inadequate about not having a penis and extremely shameful and loathsome about having female anatomy. I eventually did find love and settle down. However, for the first 10 years of my relationship, I was convinced that at any moment my partner would leave me for a ‘real man’.

I began to experience a growing sense of despondency regarding the fact that my transition had come to a plateau and there were still no truly viable options for phalloplasty. My previous experiences with surgery made me very doubtful that the scar tissue, possibility for necrosis, loss of sensation, etc. were risks I would ever be willing to take. 

Regular check ups revealed that I had an ovarian tumor and needed a hysterectomy. After this surgery, I experienced another post-surgical infection and had to be re-admitted for IV antibiotics. About 5 years after that surgery, I began to  experience painful sex and frequent UTI- which doctors diagnosed as atrophic vaginitis attributed to estrogen deficiency and longterm use of testosterone. I began treating it with a topical estrogen and a prophylactic antibiotic regimen. The antibiotics gave me yeast infections. Now I was in a position to require life-long medical intervention to treat the side effects of life-long medical intervention. The irony was not lost on me. 

The good news is that my intimate partnership persisted and eventually I was able to finally experience being present in my own body during sex without the mental gymnastics of having to fantasize about having a penis. What I experienced was a genderlessness/formlessness/freedom that I could only describe as spiritual. This happened very gradually through no effort on my part to change my orientation or identity. And this experience was not at all rooted in ‘internalized transphobia’; which is an explanation that some folks would offer to debunk the validity of de-transition as an act of liberation.

However, this experience of freedom from dysphoria and being at home in my body also came with a high degree of cognitive dissonance. I felt slightly guilty; like I was somehow betraying my queerness by no longer mentally exercising a strictly bob-on-boy masculine identity. And it was challenging to my self concept to learn that the very thing that made me want to be male in the first place (fantasizing/feeling a phantom penis) was something that now was not only unnecessary, but was actively causing my own suffering. 

I began to desire wholeness and being at-home in my body without despising my anatomy and without wishing for other anatomy. I finally realized that I was grieving my natural, non-medicated pre-transition experience.  Even though I could not remember a time when I hadn’t wanted to be male, I now knew it was possible to love myself as a female bodied person and I began to wonder how my life would have been different without the need to filter every moment through the lens of wanting desperately to be male. 

Furthermore, I came to despise the masculine role I'd taken on. I realized that I no longer had the close bonds with women I’d enjoyed before and that I was grieving this level of intimacy. And I could finally really see evidence of white male privilege in my own life and I became saddened and appalled at my failure to be an ally to women and people of color. During times when I tried to speak up on behalf of challenging sexism and gender stereotypes, I felt that my words were misinterpreted as ‘mansplaining’ and that my passing as male so successfully meant that I was forever an outsider to the people who I shared such a fundamental experience with. I started to hate my own paralysis and complicity in the toxic masculinity and racism which mainstream culture is so clearly seeped in.

In therapy, I eventually came to the conclusion that I transitioned too young (age 22), under the wrong circumstances (abusing street drugs) and for the wrong reasons (self-loathing rooted in misogyny and untreated trauma at having been a rape and abuse survivor). This gave me a new lens with which to think critically about my choices and the desire to heal these parts of myself that I abandoned by unconsciously seeking to obliterate them through transition.

For the last 3 years I've been exploring social de-transition through wearing what would typically be considered ‘feminine' and/or ‘androgynous’ clothing, using gender neutral name and pronouns, and reclaiming my body. I am actually enjoying my own femaleness and I no longer obsess on any rare instances of gender dysphoria. I've removed 90% of my facial hair and 60% of my body hair through laser treatments. I'm taking a modest dose of estrogen, Gabapentin, and a low dose of T to cope with debilitating hot flashes.

I am now so permanently masculinized that I am usually perceived as MTF- although I sometimes pass a female if I’ve had a very close shave and I am dressed very stereotypically ‘female”, and if I use my voice very quietly.

My instinct is telling me to proceed with legal de-transition because now that I'm learning to appreciate my body, I'm finally feeling more pride and alignment with being female and desiring to have my public identity synchronized with these experiences. 

However, if I am to be completely honest about it, my tendency is to sometimes fixate on restoring myself physically (as well as possible) to my original pre-transition condition when no amount of new medical interventions are ever going to undo what has happened; let alone fully heal everything I’ve been through. The healing has to come from inside. 

Furthermore, my partner of 19 years (who I dearly love), is decidedly gay and although he tolerates my new androgynous look, he’s expressed a feeling of not being attracted to my more ‘feminine’ side. After building a life together, adopting and raising two young children together, I have a very hard time with the possibility of risking all that when maybe I could be content with a genderqueer or gender neutral identity. 

Anyway, I'm not looking for advice, just support and community.