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#(because EVERYTHING is our fault.)
inkskinned · 1 year
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
#warm up#writeblr#i spent a lot of time picturing our future#how funny to think: in each version of our future#i was never myself#i was someone smarter kinder braver#better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me#i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me#people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy#the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made#it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else#i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO#SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness#you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.
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bilolli · 2 years
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Okok so new stupid idea for an AU
What if Y/N won an enormous amount of money at the lottery but after one year they have to stay an undisclosed range of time at the hospital because they continue to collapse and the doctors don't have any idea of what's the metter.
What if Y/N is tired of no answers from the doctors and being in the same room of other really ill people (because it's not good for their mental state to see them eventually die in front of them) and decides to use the money they won to "book" a room at the most advanced and famous hospital of their side of the world: Faz Co Hospital.
What if in said hospital they offer an emotional aid figure as a part of the basic therapy and you have to choose from a list full of sentient robots a companion.
What if you choose the "Celestial duo" (because lmao it is a Y/N x DCA AU) and spend a lot of time with them.
And then emotional damage begins.
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keeperoftinyarmy · 3 months
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How are there still arguments about jikook in 2024 when they literally enlisted together?
It is not being a shipper to admit that JK and JM are the closest in the group.
And that past theory that it’s “just for the cameras”, is totally debunked. You don’t do buddy enlistment with your bandmate that you “pretend” to hang out with.
I can see this is going to be an ongoing issue because people will be struggling with jikook having their own Disney+ show. I already see an increase in the “company content” comments.
Yet they seem to totally be missing the point. They are private citizens right now…and private citizens jikook…chose to be together. The company had nothing to do with it.
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(Can’t wait for that company content on 8/8 💜)
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gayofthefae · 19 days
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Found a new, concise way of putting it that I'm gonna try and remember so I can reuse it:
To say, as a straight person, that a queer character's queerness is out of the blue or unrealistic is to claim that they understand the queer experience to be able to identify inaccurate representation of it.
To call a character's queerness out of the blue as a straight person is to claim full understanding of the queer experience.
#YOU ARE NOT A BAD ALLY FOR NOT KNOWING EVERYTHING. YOU'RE A GOOD ONE. IF YOU KNEW EVERYTHING THAT WOULD MAKE YOU GAY NOT AN ALLY.#QUEER PEOPLE ARE NOT JUST YOUR TICKETS TO ELEVATE YOURSELF AS AN ALLY ON THE OCCASIONS THAT YOU WANT TO#WE ARE NOT EVEN IN YOUR PEERS OFTEN. WE ARE YOUR EDUCATORS UNIVERSALLY NOT JUST ON DAYS YOU FEEL UP FOR ADMITTING YOU NEED EDUCATION.#THE DISPARITY IN OUR QUALIFICATIONS IS THAT OF A PROFESSOR AND A STUDENT#AS IS THE AUDACITY OF A STUDENT TO CLAIM EQUAL OR MORE QUALIFICATION#lgbtq#finding ways constantly to rephrase it so people understand why they are not qualified to even attempt to debate#stranger things#also btw this is mostly for straight people because it's an entire different category of this action but no queer person has had every quee#experience either so you can't tell other queer people they're wrong for saying queer characters are realistic either#they match your experience or they don't#straight people have ZERO experience though so it's entirely different because that requires some fucking AUDACITY to claim qualification#mike wheeler#kitty song covey#evan buckley#the entire point of needing more representation is so that you see versions of the queer experience you didn't know about as a straight per#on#we aren't just asking for the same singular queer experience but in a higher quantity across more genres#you have NOT learned everything because you are not able to and that does not make you a bad ally it just makes you a straight person#so when queer people tell you you're wrong DON'T. ARGUE.#'it's unrealistic for them to be queer' really? and list off the exclusive number of ways a person can be queer. right now. go.#people being comfortable with will byers because he represents a queer experience they've seen in the media before#but if they've never seen it on tv before it's 'unrealistic'#no hon. it's unrepresented. there is a very big difference and it's the entire point actually. your lack of education is not your fault but#your denial of it is#lgbtq representation
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electoons · 6 months
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giving my ldb a daughter. embarrassing for all involved. mostly me
#her mom is an orc and her dad is a wood elf so she's going to be a very pointy orc. angular#like ok i suppose i leaned a little heavy on the elf features but also shes 12. she'll develop more orcish features. Not My Fault 😐#mimiart#weird little girl who pretends to be a wolf -> actual werewolf pipeline#elder scrolls#skyrim#shes sooo sweet and smiley :) idk where that comes from. not either of her parents. neither a point for nature nor nurture#calling her Khara for now. might change idk#re: my caption its only embarrassing because of who she had the child with. he fucking sucks#but so does she which is why they get along and they make each other worse. but also sometimes better#whatever. they love each other and their weird kids#at first they said “no kids absolutely the fuck not” then they decided to adopt alesan because like. hes already pretty much self sufficien#like he had a job and everything right. this will be a breeze hes already pretty much a fully formed human we can just help him out#by letting him sleep in our house right. and then like not even a full year later uloth gets pregnant oops 😬#does anyone here know how to keep a baby alive. thankfully uloth has amassed basically a small village of followers/friends/housecarls#some more responsible and knowledgeable than others. so dw the kids are okay and not dead#they just keep the necromancy and shady black market trading and unethical experiments OUTSIDE THE HOUSE#tes#ocs#oc#khara has only broken her dads finger once. orc grip you know how it is#oh and his nose too. but he deserved it for stealing hers 😑 like what was she gonna do?? NOT steal his right back?? come on
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kajiimotojiiro · 22 days
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Another disadvantage is working the hellish job that is Retail Healthcare which shouldn't even be a thing bc you should not have to pay for medications but. Also.
Help.
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fooltofancy · 28 days
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brief untethered post re: in from the cold 'cause i'm thinking abt autonomy again and about how ilya separates from himself under extreme duress already - serious problem after the banquet in arr and throughout hw, but culminating in sb specifically re: why and how he's so capable of real extreme acts of violence without really... settling to acknowledge them until much, much later. like he knows, but that knowledge hasn't ever settled physically in his body so if/when he feels that trauma he tends to feel it kind of all at once. anyway, forced very literally to come to terms with All That because zenos, the embodiment of all he's refusing to acknowledge inside of himself, understands him in a way he's never understood himself is so, so much.
and there's no real relief in succeeding, right, because that wasn't really the point, and he's just like. stuck in his body, this thing that begets nothing but violence and blood and hurt, and he's kinda just got to. live with that, lmao. despite everything it's still you ass moment.
so he goes home, because instead of actually dealing with all that all he can think about is fray, and ishgard, and the baffling black heart of him all wrapped up the first place he felt all the blood was worth something.
and it was worth something at all because of aymeric. like, he struggles to admit it but every time he ends up back there, almost always so far out of his way it'needing someone else who sees past all of the blood he's spilled to remind him of what else his body is for.
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outlying-hyppocrate · 4 months
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in line to the bathroom just to cry!!
#random thoughts#gender dysphoria.#felt it especially this morning when some lady from this organization that worked with our school called me christine.#CHRISTINE.#do i honestly look like a christine??#(not her fault but still.)#but she kept fucking misgendering me. i bet it was the shirt i was wearing.#normally i wear more layers so as to make my body less. shaped.#BUT I RAN OUT OF NICE ONES AND SO I HAD TO WEAR ANOTHER.#it used to be my favorite shirt but now it is not. i hate it.#either it is too small for me or i am too large for it. and either way i want to fucking stab myself because of it#augh. wanted to cry earlier. but didn't.#still sort of do when i think about it. i get misgendered often but. augh.#and the comment my mother made a while ago. about. how can i be a boy if all my friends are girls?#WELL SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NOT MET HALF THE BOYS IN MY SCHOOL. FUCKING IDIOT DUMBASS. HAVE YOU NO COMMON SENSE#TO KNOW THAT TIMES ARE CHANGING AND WE ARE NOT STUCK IN YOUR WARPED PERCEPTION OF GENDER NORMS?? HELLO??#i hate my body so much unironically. if i could fix it somehow.#i have been trying to fix it so hard for so long but it hasn't fucking worked and it's gone in the OPPOSITE WAY. and i am RUINING MY BODY.#AND I FUCKING HATE IT.#sometimes it feels as if nothing is good. i want to shave my head again and be perpertually ugly.#i need new hair.#i need to fix everything.#please.#i have no motivation to do it but i need to do it.#i know i'm a boy. i just want to be a boy for everyone else.
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The fact that some people seem to think Ed was genuinely healing during the breakup-robe era and that Izzy is what made him swing so hard into the Kraken is literally driving me insane.
Was he trying? Maybe. More likely he was in denial and repressing the worst of it. Which is why, when it did all explode, it hit more like a nuke than a firework.
But like. If he was healing at all, he wasn’t nearly at the stage some people seem to think he was. He wouldn’t have been capable of becoming the Kraken if he had been, regardless of how ‘mean’ Izzy was being (’mean’, god this is fucking ridiculous, they’re pirates, they’re all mean Izzy’s just blunt).
No, Izzy didn’t help. He threatened to leave, he reminded Ed of the necessity of Blackbeard (no -- shut the fuck up -- listen to me, Blackbeard is important. Izzy doesn’t just want him back because he’s horny for violence not opening that can of worms but god is that read twenty types of wrong too. Blackbeard is their meal-ticket, he’s their armor. At this point, nobody wants to risk going up against Blackbeard, and there’s safety in that. In such an dangerous profession, whatever safety you can get is absolute necessity.), he brought up the one thing that was hurting him the most, in a particularly painful way.
But he didn’t make him do anything. Ed has his own agency. For the love of christ please stop infantilizing Ed for the sake of demonizing Izzy. And just. In general. He’s not, and has never been, a precious uwu baby who has never hurt people or wanted to. He’s fucking Blackbeard and you don’t get to be Blackbeard if you don’t ‘love a good maim’.
It does such a disservice to the character to pin all his faults on Izzy. It flattens them both (and Stede too, since, if it’s all Izzy’s doing, he doesn’t have to reckon with Ed’s fucked choices and how he feels about them).
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shhh-secret-time · 6 months
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To be honest, stardew valley has me in such a chokehold. It always has, even before the 1.6.
In such a way that my brain wants to smash my hyperfixation into it. So late at night I'll be awake thinking of this stardew/south park mashup.
Call that bad boy Star Park AU.
But no brain! Bad! We already have too much going on! You have a Secret Soulmate AU. Fantasy AU, A Cowboy AU story staring Kenny that's still in the outline phase, and these one shots!
(Look at the tags to watch me descent into madness)
#like C'mon#it would be so cute and wholesome#ya know#everything south park isn't#its not my fault I think about me and my friends ocs starting a little farm together#i got one friend I rp with#we smash everything into our stardew rp#it ain't even really stardew besides like the layout of the town#I could write something like that up#like Stan and his family are already “farmers”#the heart event where he tells you he fucking hates it#but next heart event he confesses he's starting to associate farming with you#and now...maybe its not so bad?#COME ON#Kenny taking Karen to see your animals and falling in love with the way you're so gentle with her#Kyle finding you passed out in the mines and scolding you for being careless#but he's patching you up while he does it!!!?#Cartman demanding you bring him crops from your farm because#“everyone elses crops taste like dirt and ball sweat! at least I can stomach yours.”#(its the sweetest thing hes ever said tbh)#tweek having his little coffee shop set up there#he gets away from his parents and moves out to the valley because its quiet!#Craig moves out there to study the stars because they're so clear he can almost see all of them without a telescope#Clyde is JUST Alex and you cant change my mind#after the death of his mother he goes to live with his grandparents#Bebe is like a mix of Haley and Emily!#her events would be you helping her get her outfit designs off the ground and using her photography skills to have you model them#Wendy's whole thing would her being the mayors assistant but over heart events you make her believe in herself#and she becomes mayor; fuck you lewis you old fuck#shhh its a secret
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"I've made my home next door to you" by Mirza Ghalib, translated by Vinay Dharwadker // Song of Solomon 3:1-2, KJV // The Book of Margery Kempe, translated by B. A. Windeatt // Ben-Hur (1959) dir. William Wyler // Hosea 2:14 CJB // "John My Beloved" by Sufjan Stevens // The X-Files, "Redux II" // Revelations of Divine Love by St. Julian of Norwich, translated by Elizabeth Spearing // "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan
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twpsyn-who · 5 months
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Talking a little bit about 'boycotting Eurovision' under Keep Reading, feel free to scroll down if is not what you want to see.
The most used argument on the matter of banning Israel from Eurovision is the fact that Russia got banned from Eurovision, which is the worst argument anyone could bring.
Kindly reminder that Russia didn't get banned because of the war with Ukraine. Russia got banned because many countries has threatened to withdraw from the competition. Sadly, that's a big difference.
Yes, the countries has threatened to withdraw because they support Ukraine and see Russia as the party in the wrong. That was their reason. EBU's reason for banning Russian was because those countries threatened to withdraw, not because the war was bad and Russia must be stopped.
This situation isn't the same. Why? Because many countries support Israel in their genocide. Because this time around Palestine is the party in the wrong. Because we're taught to believe that Israel isn't in the wrong here.**
Boycotting Eurovision won't work. There are people out there who don't know the truth and want to watch Eurovision. There are people out there who don't care and will watch Eurovision regardless of the situation. There are people out there who, despite having the facts, still don't see Israel as the bad guy in this situation and will watch Eurovision. Sadly, boycotting won't work unless everyone does it.
The only way Israel will get banned, in my opinion, is by going through the same thing as Russia. If other countries threatened to withdraw- and not any countries, but the ones investing the most in Eurovision, then yes. That will get Israel banned.
Otherwise? The only thing we do is hurt artists that don't deserve it. Artists who use Eurovision as a way to get more exposure and experience. Artists who deserve to be heard.
Don't vote for Israel's entry. Don't stream their song either. Heck, turn off the TV when is their turn to perform.
**This whole situation (the war, not Eurovision) isn't only black and white. Civilians die daily because of this, all of them from both sides. Innocent people who has no fault. Let's not forget that
#Honestly I'm tired of the whole 'Russia got banned Israel should be banned too' speech because is truly bullshit#It has nothing to do with the war per se. It was because countries were unwilling to participate in support for Ukraine#If the whole situation was truly political then other countries wouldn't be able to participate either#Is it fair? No. But that's the situation#Alas Eurovision exist so we forget about the bad in the world for a bit and be more united. Have some fun. Stuff like that#I'm going to get so much hate over this omg. But this is just my opinion/point of view on the matter#Sadly this whole situation isn't even about helping the innocent put in danger by this situation. Is about hate like everything else#My wording is so shitty but people on the internet don't understand shit unless I call 'X bad Y good' so we go with that#eurovision 2024#Also another reminder that THE WHOLE AUDIENCE chanted 'Cha Cha Cha' during eurovision 2023 and were rotting for Finland to win just to lose#Many entries got fucked up by the jury votes too. Our opinion doesn't matter as much as some of you might think lol#Jury votes GOT CHANGED during another eurovision under shitty reasons (I can't remember which year but there were 5 or 6 countries who got#their votes changed). Eurovision has never been fair#We always get annoyed over it and trash talk it then watch it the next year#Also this is not the same as boycotting brands and shit like that who support Israel. No money go from Eurovision to Israel.#This competition as far as I am aware (please correct me if I'm wrong) doesn't support Israel in any way#Be it financially or by donating arms or any other way#Their only fault is for allowing Israel to participate. That's all#Weapons* don't ask me why I said arms instead sorry#i'm tired lol#Fair warning I won't answer any replies to this post
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coquelicoq · 6 months
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one important thing about work emails is that whoever you send them to can forward them to anyone else, or reply to you and copy other people. so if you're going to talk about a third party in your email, only say things you would be okay with the third party reading. because people can and will just suddenly CC brand new people on a long email chain, who will then be able to backread anything you've ever said in any of your previous responses that you were sending to only one person. word to the wise.
#i mention this because this just happened to me today BUT it was fine because i already do this#i was writing to client A and mentioned client B who has been making both of our lives harder#but because it's my policy never to trash talk one client to another client (they all know each other btw)#(and some of them are contractors for others of them)#the thing that i said about client B was not something i had to then regret a few days later#when client A for some fucking reason CC'd client B in her response to me#i worded it like 'i'm sorry this has been so hectic and last-minute. it took me a while to understand what client B wanted.'#which has the virtue of being true and also not denigrating client B in any way even though what i meant was#'client B has been so confusing in everything he has said to me that i couldn't give you any advance warning'#but i didn't SAY that. so we're golden#the thing is you will be SO tempted SO often to tell someone that something is a third party's fault#because it will often be a third party's fault!!!!! but you must resist every time. especially in writing#<-this is not universal advice bc sometimes you need to stand up for yourself or whatever. i just mean in venting situations#no venting to clients about other clients. sometimes you need to vent with them in order to build rapport and get them to see you as#an ally rather than an obstacle but you cannot vent ABOUT other people. they can do it but you can't. you have to find other things#to vent about#my posts
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plagues-and-poisons · 19 days
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welp I have now been screamed at for bringing my cane to school (folded in my bag)
mom really does SAY she’s inclusive but then will spout the most ableist or fatphobic shit you’ve ever heard
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only-man-in-the-sky · 2 months
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gonna kill this landlord for real. like bitch I don't live in your building anymore. fucking stop texting me about literal garbage
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radarsteddybear · 5 months
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Sometimes you just gotta write 1500+ words of a resignation letter you will never send because your employer has done something that is so beyond the pale that you have to let it out somewhere.
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