#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO

[aliendes]

SVT Reaction to yelling at you for the first time/saying something hurtful pt. 2

a/n: ok here is pt. 2! i got a ton of asks/comments asking for a pt. 2 and honestly I kinda hate this. its totally unedited, as usual, and I really don't feel like I gave all of them justice. some of them feel kinda rushed, but anywayssssss, send me your others requests for SVT while I'm on this writing kick... hehehe.

w/c: 8,000~ sheeeeeesh

warnings: angsssssssssst, like a lot of angst, female reader (for a couple of the boys), pet names (good girl), hurt/comfort, mentions of previous slap and bruising, just overall angsty as per usual. no smut but this blog is 19+ MDNI as always.

Seungcheol (S.coups)

Just like Seungcheol promised, he stayed up against the wall by your bedroom door all night. He tried his best to fight sleep but eventually, his exhaustion got the better of him and he fell asleep sitting up, head dipped down so his chin touched his chest. 

When you finally decided you’d locked him out long enough, sometime in the middle of the night, you quietly exited your bedroom to find him in this state. A wave of guilt rushed through you at seeing him like this. He was probably exhausted from non-stop practice, and you knew he shouldn’t be sleeping in positions like this, his physiotherapist would probably kill him. But you also knew that you were incredibly hurt by his words and until he properly apologized you couldn’t allow yourself to feel that guilty. 

Instead of waking him up, you walked out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. But the small noises of clinking glass and running water woke your boyfriend up from his slumber. Stumbling into the kitchen, one fist rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and the other massaging his knee, he found you standing there sipping from your glass, eyes red and swollen from crying. 

“Baby…” his voice was rough, you could tell he had been crying too and it made your heart clench. He took a few steps towards you and you didn’t resist, letting him get close. “Honey, I’m so sorry.” Seungcheol reached both his hands out to you but didn’t dare touch until he got your permission. That permission came in the form of you setting your glass down on the counter and opening your arms for him to fall into. 

The relief he felt was immense as he sunk into your embrace. “I’m so, so sorry baby,” he was sobbing without realizing it, soaking the front of your sleep shirt with salty tears, “I didn’t mean it, you know how much I love you and I c-can’t believe I s-said something like that to you.”

You hugged him closer as your own tears started to fall again. “It’s ok Cheol, I forgive you.” You whispered into his hair as you held him. His embrace was warm and felt like home and of course, you forgave him, he meant what he said, and you were his entire world, as he was yours. “I love you so much, Cheollie.”

“I love you, too, baby, please never leave me.”

Jeonghan 

It’s been three days and Jeonghan is losing his absolute mind. He has never gone more than a single day without some form of communication with you, and if your sister Nayeon hadn’t texted him yesterday to let him know you are in fact fine, he would’ve probably filed a police report by now.

He’s sent probably hundreds of texts and he calls you at least a few times a day. Each and every one has gone unanswered and Jeonghan just doesn’t know what to do with himself at this point. 

He had just gotten home from practice, as he was sent home early by Seungcheol, stating he ‘needed to take a breather’ after sulking around the practice room for hours on end. When he dropped his keys on the kitchen island he startled at the sight of you standing at the stove, stirring something in a pot.

“Lovey?” Jeonghan asked as you turned around to look at him. He sounded as if he didn’t really believe his eyes and thought maybe he was hallucinating you standing in your shared kitchen. “You - you’re home?”

You gave a tight-lipped smile and nodded twice before turning back around to finish whatever you were cooking. It smelled delicious and Jeonghan suddenly couldn’t remember the last time he ate. But that didn’t matter right now. You’re home.

“Baby, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of that, you know that right?” He asked, desperately, as he moved closer to you, reaching out like he wanted to give you a back hug. Any other time he would’ve been clinging to you as you cooked, but now he hesitated. Were you still upset? Of course, you were, how could he ever think you wouldn’t hate his guts after what he did. “Lovey, please… please look at me.” Jeonghan was on the verge of tears now, thoughts spiraling to all the worst-case scenarios. It was his sniffles that finally made you turn to face him, tears already falling from your own eyes.

“Hannie…” your voice was quiet and choked, and the look of exhaustion on your face broke Jeonghan’s heart even further. 

“Baby… can I please hold you? Please?” The tears were flowing freely now, he didn’t even bother to stop them. When you shyly nodded he wasted no time in scooping you up in his arms and placing you on the kitchen countertop, arms wrapped around your middle as he sobbed into your chest. You weren’t faring much better, arms wrapped tightly around his neck and you cried into his soft hair. “Please, pl-please don’t leave me. Please, lovey, I was so, so worried. I don’t know what to do without you, an-and I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

“I know, Hannie. I know.”

“N-no, please. Let me make it up to you. I mean it, I don’t know what came over me, and I will spend forever making things right again.” All you could do was hold your boyfriend and nod, knowing that he would indeed keep this promise. 

Joshua

“Y/N! Wait!” Joshua snapped back to reality right away, watching as you rushed down the sidewalk back toward your workplace. He shut his car off quickly before grabbing his keys and phone and rushing out after you. “Y/N!”

He caught up to you quickly, you being much shorter than him, in a few long strides. He grabbed your elbow lightly, not allowing you to walk any further. “Baby, I know you’re upset. Fuck, I’m so sorry, but do not rush off, it’s not safe.”

You halted your steps but didn’t turn around to face your boyfriend. Tears were threatening to fall, but you held them back as you waited for him to continue. 

“F-fuck, Y/N. I’m sorry, I have no idea what just came over me. You are not a slut, and I don’t believe anything that just came out of my mouth, please baby, please believe me.” His grip loosened on your arm once he was sure you weren’t going to run again. “I know you’re mad, but please get back in the car, we can go home and you can scream at me all you want. But I want to make sure you’re safe.”

You finally turn to face Joshua as the tears started to fall. There weren’t too many people around, but it was enough to make your face heat with embarrassment, making Joshua’s heart shatter. On top of hurting you with his words you were embarrassed and it was all his fault. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” he urged gently, offering you his hand, which you reluctantly take. “Let’s talk about it on the way home.” You nodded and followed him back towards the car, allowing him to open the door for you and click your seatbelt into place before taking his place behind the wheel again. 

You wiped your tears with the sleeve of your sweater as Joshua began to drive. You mumbled something softly that Josh didn’t quite pick up. “Say that again, baby?” He looked over at you with soft eyes, waiting for you to repeat yourself.

“He’s gay.”

Joshua took a moment to realize what you were talking about before it clicked. Your coworker. The gay one who just got engaged to his fiance. Their wedding is this summer and you’ve been talking about it non-stop since he asked you to be in the wedding party. Joshua felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.

“Shit. Sweetheart, I knew that. Fucking hell I’m an idiot. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.” He ran one hand over his face, blinking rapidly to try and hold back his own tears of embarrassment now, not letting them fall so he could get you both home safe.

You wouldn’t look at him the rest of the ride home, but when you got home that night Joshua groveled and babied you until you forgave him for his shitty words. 

Jun

The next day, Jun kept the promise he made in the last voicemail he sent. He was on the first flight home after his schedules and the entire flight back to Korea he was wracking his brain with what he was going to say to fix this, if he even could fix this. The thought was tearing him apart. He did his best to sleep on the plane, but he couldn’t get his mind to stop picturing the worst case scenarios of you leaving him when he got home.

Once he was finally standing outside your shared apartment door, bouquet in hand, he knocked quickly three times, despite having the passcode. If you needed space, he was going to give that to you, his feelings be damned.

After a moment you opened the door, surprised to see your boyfriend holding a rather large bouquet of flowers, though you guess he did tell you he was coming home today in his voicemails. You almost felt guilty for making him come home a few days earlier than he should have, but that thought quickly evaporates when you remembered his words from last night.

“Why are you here?” You ask, not allowing him to pass you and enter your apartment, despite him also living there. You could tell Jun had been crying, you could tell he was miserable, and while you felt a pang of heartache for your usually loving boyfriend, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of satisfaction that he had been up all night crying just like you had. 

Junhui frowned at your words, but pushed the flowers towards you gently. “These are for you… and Y/N, please. I’m so sorry…” He was wearing the most forlorn look on his face as he stared down at his feet. 

You took pity on your boyfriend and took the flowers, turning on your heel to bring them into the kitchen, leaving the door open so he could finally come in. As you set the bouquet down on the countertop, you turned back to the doorway, watching as your boyfriend stayed standing outside, still staring at his feet. 

“Well, are you just gonna stand there, or come in?” You asked snippily.

Jun looked up at you, large doe eyes watering with unshed tears, before nodding and entering the apartment and softly closing the door behind him. He still couldn’t bare to look at your face and the remnants of dried tear tracks and puffy cheeks. He felt immeasurable guilt for the things he said last night and how he made you feel. So he continued staring down at the floor out of respect for you.

“Y/N, I hope you know I didn’t mean any of those things I said last night. I love you and your family so, so much. There is nowhere in this world I would rather be than with you, in your arms, making you the happiest person on the planet. I love your family, and one day I know they’ll be my family, too, so, of course, I love them, of course, I will do whatever it takes to make them happy too, because-” Jun let out a soft ‘oof’ when you collided with his chest, stunned for a moment before he gently closed his arms around your middle, resting his cheek on your soft hair. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”

You were sniffling now and Jun could tell you were on the verge of full-blown sobbing when you said with a watery voice, “And I love you more than all the fish in the sea.”

Soonyoung

When Soonyoung entered your darkened apartment, there was silence, and that scared him more than the noises you made when you ran out of the practice room. With his thoughts spiraling to all the worst-case scenarios of what could be happening, he quickly searched through your shared space, checking all the rooms and bathrooms to figure out where you were hiding. 

When he reached the guest bedroom, he heard it. A small sniffle and a gasp for air. Without thinking he launched himself onto the guest bed, thinking he’d find you, but you weren’t there. Looking around again, he finally spotted you, squished in between the corner wall and the old dresser you two had put in here last year. Your head was between your knees and you were attempting to take deep breaths, but he could tell it was futile. 

Rushing over to you he dropped to his knees, ignoring the pain in his knee caps as he did so, and reached out to put his hands on your shoulders. Your head shot up as if you hadn’t heard all the commotion before and stared up at your boyfriend with a red, puffy face, streaming with tears. The sight broke Soonyoung’s heart even further, but he needed to help you through this first and foremost. 

“Baby, I need you to breathe, ok? Can you do that for me?” You shook your head no, an action that he mirrored, “I know you’re upset, and you should be, but right now I’m more worried about your breathing. Ok, deep breath…” Soonyoung took an exaggerated deep breath in which you were reluctant to mirror, “C’mon baby, please breathe with me.” You could tell from your boyfriend’s tone that he was actually starting to get scared and in turn that scared you, so you followed along with his instructions. “There you go, good girl, again…”

After a few minutes of following Soonyoung’s deep breathing, your own started to even out, satisfying your boyfriend enough for him to properly sit down and pull you into his lap, cradling you like you were the most precious thing to him in that moment. As you started to move to get out of his embrace, his arms tightened slightly around you as he murmured into your hair, “Please… please baby, please don’t leave me.”

His panicked tone set you on edge again, having thought you were both calmed down from before, but clearly he needed this now. 

“Please…” he was sobbing into your hair, your shoulder, just trying to be as close to you as possible, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry, please, please don’t leave.” He was begging now.

“Soon…” You whispered, taking one cheek in your hand and raising his face to meet your eyes. You could see the anguish there, he really thought you were about to leave him for good. “Soon, I’m not leaving. I’m just really upset with you, you said some cruel things to me.”

Soonyoung cleared his throat slightly, but the tears kept running, “And you should be! I was horrible, baby, and I’m so fucking sorry. I was in my head about practice and nothing going right today.”

“I can see that Soonyoung, but it doesn’t give you the right to treat me that way.”

“You’re right, I’m not making excuses. I was wrong, and if you’ll let me I will make it up to you, and prove to you it wont happen again. I love you so much, and all I want is to cherish you.”

You slid your hand down his cheek, his neck, his shoulder, until you wrapped both your arms around him, squeezing him tightly, which he returned without a second thought. “And I love you, too, Soonie.”

Wonwoo

Wonwoo had been knocking on your friend’s door for the last five minutes, he knew you were in there. You told him last night where you were going, but you hadn’t answered any of his calls or texts all night, finally prompting him to drive over here himself and make sure you were alright.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Sunmi answered the door wearing a robe with her hair up in a towel. It was clear she had just showered and she looked like she was about to tear Wonwoo a new one, until she saw the crazed look in his eyes. 

“Wonwoo? What are you doing at my door at,” she looked behind her at her microwave clock, “6:53 am? Is it Y/N?” Now she was starting to panic, wondering why your boyfriend is at her apartment looking like he just went through hell and back.

“She’s not here?” Wonwoo’s eyes widened, “What do you mean she’s not here? She didn’t come over last night?” Sunmi shook her head, not understanding what Wonwoo meant. She talked to you yesterday, but made no plans to come over. “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!” Wonwoo ran both his hands through his hair and turned on his heel, running down the hallway of Sunmi’s apartment building. “Call me if she shows up, please!” He yelled over his shoulder, and all Sunmi could do was nod before he disappeared down the corridor. 

Now, Wonwoo was actually panicking. How could he let you go last night? What if something horrible happened to you? What if- he needed to find you. Now. 

Wonwoo started calling all of your friends, your brother, even his friends, to see if you were with any of them, only to be met with the same answer: No, they hadn’t seen or heard from you. Wonwoo walked through the streets near your shared apartment, every scenario of what could have happened to you running through his mind. The picture of you sitting somewhere, cold and sad with your duffle bag absolutely sends him spiraling. He’s calling your phone over and over, sending texts that are becoming more crazed as time goes on. 

Wonwoo is nearly home, resigned to finally calling your mother and the police, when he gets the text. 

From: Y/N  i’m home

Fuck. He shoved his phone in his pocket and started sprinting the rest of the way home, not taking even a moment to catch his breath before he’s bursting through the front door, finding you with your face in your hands, sitting on the couch of your shared living room. 

“Y/N, oh my God, Y/N…” Wonwoo dropped to his knees in front of you, reaching out and smoothing his hands over your shoulders, needing to feel that you were real, “Y/N are you ok? What happened, where were you?” Wonwoo we crying from relief at this point, trying, and failing to hold back his sobs. 

You sniffled again and finally pulled your head from your palms, looking at your boyfriend, who looked absolutely pitiful. You would’ve chuckled if the situation wasn’t so serious. His glasses were askew on his face, his bedhead sticking out in different places, and tears running down his face, making his eyes red and puffy. He looked like he fared no better than you last night and the thought made you feel better somehow. 

Wonwoo was still looking up at you expectantly, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face. “I was in the subway station.” Wonwoo furrowed his brow and reached out to grab your hands, you let him, knowing what he was doing.

“Your hands are freezing, Y/N.” Wonwoo reached up, brushing his knuckles lightly over your reddened cheek, “Shit. You’re burning up. You stayed down at the station? All night?”

You nodded, closing your eyes at the sensation of his cooler hand against your warm skin. 

Without asking, Wonwoo stood up and scooped you into his arms, bringing you to your shared bedroom and settling you comfortably on the mattress. He stripped your coat and shoes off before wrapping you in the warm duvet. He left momentarily to grab some medicines from the bathroom and make some hot tea. When he returned, you were curled in on yourself, sniffling and coughing from the cold Wonwoo presumed you had. 

Setting the tea and meds on the nightstand, he took a seat on the bed near your huddled form and rubbed his hand up and down what he assumed was your back. “I’m really sorry, you know. Like… I’m such an asshole. I didn’t even realize what I said until Cheol told me I was being a dick. Which I was.”

You let out a slight chuckle at that, which made Wonwoo smile. Maybe all wasn’t lost. His eyes softened as he watched you cough again. “I’m so, so sorry, love. You are my entire world and I’m so sorry I made you feel like that wasn’t true last night. I’m sorry you felt like you needed to get away from me and it got you sick.” A few more tears fell as he finished, “I hope you know I’m not letting you out of my sight until you're better. This is all my fault and I’m going to show you how much you mean to me if it’s the last thing I do.”

Wonwoo leaned over you, hugging you the best he could in your prone position. You turned onto your back slightly, reaching up and wrapping your arms loosely around your boyfriend's neck, hugging him back, and leaning your face into the crook of his neck. He placed light kisses all over the side of your face as he whispered into your ear, “I love you so much, Y/N. Always.”

Jihoon

Jihoon stayed in his studio that night, not having the balls to face you. Though he did send a few texts, updating you on what he was doing, asking if you were alright, and checking in throughout the night. All of which went unanswered.

When morning came, Jihoon couldn’t sit still any longer. He hardly got any work done throughout the night, which was the entire reason for your fight, which only made him feel even more guilty. So after he powered down his computer and locked up his studio, he headed down to the cafe to grab breakfast and coffees for you before heading home.

When he unlocked the front door and walked into shared apartment, he was shocked to see you still awake, working on something on your laptop as you sat on the floor of the living room, back against the sofa. If the bags under your eyes told Jihoon anything, it’s that you didn’t get any sleep either. He winced at the thought of you up and working all night, though he figured he deserved to feel the heavy guilt on his shoulders. 

When he approached you with a bag of food and coffee, you finally looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. You could tell he felt miserable, his hair was sticking out in every direction as if he had run his hands through it all night, his glasses were smudged from his fingers pushing them up over and over, and he had what looked suspiciously like dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Jihoon set the bag and coffee down on the table before taking a seat next to you, his eyes never leaving your form.

“I brought breakfast.” Was the only thing he could think to say. Jihoon felt like such as idiot. “I didn’t expect you to be awake.”

You scoffed at that, looking away from him and back to your laptop. “Of course you didn’t. Apparently you don’t think I work very hard in the first place.” You slammed your laptop closed with a little too much force, making Jihoon jump slightly. He winced at his own words, going and fucking up again.

“Y/N…” he started, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath, “I am so… so, so fucking sorry. I know how hard you work. I let my stress get the better of me and that is not an excuse. I fucked up. I know I did.”

“Yeah… you did, Jihoon. Coffee and breakfast isn’t going to fix this.”

“No, I know. I just wanted to make sure you ate, since you never let me know last night if you had dinner.” Jihoon put his head in his hands. “I have no idea why I said those things when you are the hardest working person I fucking know. I can’t take it back, but I will continue apologizing for it for as long as you’ll let me.”

You sighed, you knew Jihoon didn’t mean what he said. That didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt. But you could also see how sorry he was. Hell, the fact that he was home this early in the morning was testament to that. Deciding that you had forgiven him, but not wanting to make it too easy on him, you reached over the coffee table, grabbing the bag of pastries. 

“If it means I get breakfast every morning, I guess I can forgive you.” Jihoon looked up at you, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

“Whatever you want, baby.”

Seokmin

Seokmin had been at the dorms for approximately 20 minutes when he just couldn’t take it anymore. You had texted him to let him know to give you some space, and that you could talk tomorrow, but he just couldn’t take it anymore. He knew he fucked up bad, especially once he got to the dorms and Jeonghan had asked him what happened. When he explained it to his hyung, Jeonghan has scoffed and chewed him out for being such a dumbass, before he finally showed Seokmin that the website he was looking at was a fanmade troll website. 

Seokmin had never felt so guilty, so horrible in his entire life. You, the love of his life, his literal sunshine on a cloudy day, was hurt because of something he did, something he said, and he was really spiraling thinking about it. 

Without thinking too hard about it, he grabbed his things and left the dorm, ignoring Mingyu’s questioning shouts behind him. 

Seokmin ran all the way to your shared apartment, which wasn’t all that far from the dorms, but far enough that when he reached your front door he was winded. Pressing the passcode to the door, he fumbled a few times before he finally got it right and burst through the door.

He found you lying under the covers of your shared bed, quietly sobbing, and his heart shattered at the sight. “Baby….?”

You startled and sat up in bed, letting the duvet fall around you, not expecting Seokmin to be back so soon. “Seok?” Your voice was scratchy and it made Seokmin feel even worse. At this point, he wasn’t sure how much worse he could feel, but he knew he deserved every last ounce of the guilt he was feeling. 

“Fuck.. I’m so, so sorry, baby.” Seokmin stumbled his way over to the bed before resting both palms on in, not wanting to join you on the bed if he wasn’t wanted. “I couldn’t - I couldn’t stay at the dorms, I can’t be away from you right now. Fuck! I’m so stupid, I’m so, so fucking stupid!” He cried, not bothering to stop the tears now that you were in front of him.

Your face crumpled and your tears fell again, not wanting to see your usually upbeat boyfriend so distraught, despite him of being deserving of it. “Seok, it wasn’t real…”

“I know, I know, sweetheart. I’m such a dumbass for confronting you like that. I will never, ever forgive myself for the things I said to you. For making you feel like… like this.” He gestured at you wildly, not knowing fully how to convey his thoughts. “I… I talked with Jeonghan-hyung when I got to the dorms, he chewed me out,” Seokmin looked sheepish as he continued, “he showed me it was fake… baby, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay, Seok… I understand, I would probably have reacted poorly too if I was-”

Seokmin violently shook his head, “No, no please, Y/N. Don’t let me off the hook that easily. How I reacted was wrong, so fucking wrong, and you don’t deserve that. Especially not from me. Please, please let me show you how sorry I am. I will prove to you that you are safe here, with me, and I will never, ever let my temper get the best of my like that again.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips as you opened your arms for your boyfriend to fall into. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he tackled you back onto the soft pillows, kissing your cheeks, your nose, your eyes, everywhere he could reach, making you giggle. “Ok… ok, Seok. I believe you.”

He pulled away slightly to look into your eyes, his big brown orbs sparkled back at you, and all he could say in response was, “Thank you, baby.”

Mingyu

When you got to your brother’s house, Joshua immediately sat you down and made you explain everything. Through tears you explained how Mingyu had accused you and yelled at you, and how you were so confused at the text messages because you swear you didn’t send them to him. 

Joshua was livid, he was seeing red when he called Soonyoung over to his apartment and made him also explain what had happened. Through all your revelations it was discovered that you actually had sent those texts to Soonyoung, only you were drunk, and you thought Soonyoung was Mingyu. Apparently it happened last weekend when you were out with your friends for a bachelorette party and as stupid as you felt, as guilty as you felt for putting Soonyoung and now Mingyu is such an odd predicament, Mingyu was still out of line for the way he spoke to you and accused you.

Joshua helped you ice your back after Soonyoung left, wincing when you showed him the bruise that was forming there. It only fueled his anger further, making his decision to call Mingyu over final. Once Joshua had you comfortable in the guest bed, he called Mingyu to see what exactly was going through is head. 

Once he explained what had actually happened, Mingyu was in tears, sobbing to him over the phone, hiccuping and making it hard for Joshua to understand anything he was saying. Joshua asked Mingyu to come over but to stay quiet, as you were napping after the emotional afternoon you just had. Mingyu agreed and showed up not even 15 minutes later.

Joshua and Mingyu had a long discussion about how Mingyu should be treating you, with your boyfriend silently crying throughout the whole thing. Neither of them realized that you were in fact awake, and listening just around the corner from the living room. When Joshua and Mingyu were done talking, you came around the corner and immediately went and sat in Mingyu’s lap, hugging tightly around his neck. Mingyu was stunned for a second, but wrapped his strong arms around you just as tightly.

“Baby…” he whispered into your hair as he watched Joshua get up and leave the living room with a slight smile on his face. “I’m so sorry for reacting the way I did.”

“It’s fine, Gyu,” you sniffled as you pulled back to look him in the eyes, “It was all a stupid misunderstanding and I’m sorry, too, for sending those texts.”

“Hey, baby, no - don’t apologize. You thought you were texting me. It’s me who should be apologizing for how I treated you. And I am. I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” Mingyu cupped your cheek in his large hand, thumb running over the apple of your cheek to catch your tears. “You are my entire world.”

“I forgive you, Gyu.” You whisper as you lean down to kiss your pouty boyfriend. 

Minghao

Steeling himself, Minghao took a deep breath and walked back out into the kitchen. He knew that he needed to own up to how he just treated you, but honestly all he could think about the moment he sees you hyperventilating on the kitchen floor, is making sure you were safe. Pushing the fight and his need for apologies to thge back of his mind, he sunk down to his knees in front of you, putting one hand on your shoulder and the other on your cheek, bringing your face up to look at him.

“Y/N, look at me…” he said quietly, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. You shook your head violently, trying to get away from him, “Hey. Hey hey, baby, it’s ok, you’re ok, we’re ok. I just need you to breathe Y/N.” Your boyfriend did his best to take some deep breaths, gently nudging your cheek again so you would look up into his eyes. You look so small and scared and even though his heart was breaking, he knew you needed him right now. “Deep breath, there you go. Good girl. Tell me five things you can see.”

You hiccupped when you tried to take a deep breath and Minghao made exaggerated motions with his chest to show you how to breathe. Once your breathing evened out a bit you started to mumble, looking anywhere that wasn’t him. “T-t-table… a- a mug.” You pointed weakly to the kitchen counter. Minghao didn’t need to look, didn’t care if you were right, just needed you to keep talking. 

You looked down at his hands, “Ring,” his eyes softened when you mentioned the team ring on his pinky and grabbed at his wrist. “Y-you.” 

“Who, Y/N?”

“H-Hao.”

“One more.”

You took another shaky breath in and looked around, “The p-plant.” You motioned with your eyes to the pothos plant sitting just above the kitchen sink. 

“Good. I’m right here, baby. I got you.” Minghao whispered as he moved to sit down right next to you, letting you hold onto his wrist still, he gently picked you up and moved you so you were situated on his lap. “Now, four things you can touch.”

You rested your head against his shoulder as you started to calm down. “Your hair,” you whispered as you ran your fingers through his long hair. “Your sweater,” you mumbled as your hand reached the soft material of his sweater. “My jeans,” you said as you shifted in Minghao’s lap and he chuckled softly knowing how much you hated wearing denim at home. 

“One more, baby.” He whispered softly into your ear. 

“Heartbeat…” you murmured quietly as your hand rested against his chest. Before he could continue with your calming techniques you cut him off. “I’m fine, Hao.” He wasn’t sure if he believed you, but he couldn’t hear the tremble in your voice anymore, so he chose to just hold you tightly.

After a moment of silence, Minghao whispered in your ear. “I am so, so incredibly sorry, my love. I’ve been stressed lately, and seeing you so stressed just freaked me out.” His voice was so soft like he was trying not to startle you. You nodded against his neck and he could feel the wetness from your remaining tears gathering near his collarbone. “I hate seeing you hurt, and I can’t believe I’m the one who hurt you this time.”

“You didn’t…” you trailed off, pulling back to look your boyfriend in the eye. He gave you a look that told you that was a lie, so you added, “I mean, not initially. Sometimes I just…. Get this way and I don’t know how to fix it.” You looked down at your hand still resting on Minghao’s chest and sniffled.

“That’s okay, my love. That’s why I’m here. I shouldn’t have yelled, I should’ve helped you in whatever way I could, and I am so sorry that I didn’t do that.”

You looked back up at his big brown orbs, noticing the wetness there. Minghao rarely cried, especially not in front of others, so without hesitation you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his hair. “I forgive you.”

“I promise you are safe with me.”

Seungkwan

When 3 a.m. hit Seungkwan couldn’t keep his cool any longer. He refused to go to sleep without speaking to you, regardless of how mean he was to you earlier, he wasn’t going to break the promise the both of you had made to each other. 

He had called you several times by now, but at this point, your phone was off. Either that or you blocked him, but he was refusing to believe that just yet. 

Grabbing his coat and keys, he made his way out of your apartment complex and started walking towards your best friend Minji’s house. It wasn’t too far from your shared place, and Seungkwan figured that would be the best place to start his search. 

While he walked he continued to try and call you in hopes that your phone would be on, or you unblocked him, he supposed, but each time it went straight to voicemail. As he rounded the corner to Minji’s complex, he saw a slumped-over figure sitting on the edge of a flower planter, and immediately he knew it was you.

You sat there, in the dark, slouched over with your elbows on your knees and your head in your hands. You were clearly shivering, having only been in your work clothes and light coat, only stockings covering your bare legs under your pencil skirt. Without hesitation Seungkwan ran over to you and crouched down so he was in your line of sight.

“Y/N?” His voice was so small and timid, so much unlike the tone he used with you on the phone earlier that it made you look up at him. His heart broke when he saw you were crying, probably had been crying his whole time and it truly made him hate himself in that moment. “Hey, baby,” he whispered, a light smile gracing his beautiful features when your eyes met his, “What are you doing out here all alone?”

“Seungkwan… why are you here?”

“I was worried about you. You didn’t come home…”

You scoffed and turned your head to look anywhere but at him. “You told me not to.” His heart sank to his feet at your words. Because yes, that is exactly what he told you earlier. 

“I am so sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what came over me, you know I can lose my temper sometimes, but… but that is no excuse!” He reached out and grabbed both your hands in his, wincing at how cold they were. “Baby, you’re going to get sick, please let me take you home?”

“Now you’re concerned? Earlier you didn’t want anything to do with me, but now you’re worried?” You scoffed again, pulling your hands from his grasp. 

“Sweetheart, please. You can yell and scream at me all you want when you’re home, and safe, and warm, okay?” Seungkwan looked up at you with pleading eyes and you finally, finally graced him with your gaze. It was hard, and sad, but at least you were looking at him. He tried his best for a smile again, but it came across more as a grimace as he watched your body shake from the cold. “Please, Y/N. I didn’t mean what I said earlier, it was said out of anger, but I’m not angry anymore. I’m worried about you. Please, let me take care of you and make up for my words.”

You looked at him now, really looked at him. His hair was mussed, his cheeks were red and puffy, and you could tell he hadn’t slept. “You haven’t slept?” You voiced your thoughts and he shook his head immediately. 

“We made a promise,” Seungkwan said softly, reaching for your hands again. This time you let him take them, “We never go to bed upset.”

The corner of your mouth quirked as you allowed your boyfriend to pull you up from the ledge you were sitting on, and wrapped his arms around you, pushing his face into your hair, kissing your ear before whispering, “I will never break that promise.”

Vernon

Vernon had been sulking all day, not just from his ruined lyrics, but from the way he had spoken to you this morning. Why did he have to take his anger out on you? It wasn’t even your fault, it was the cat’s fault, really. But getting mad at the cat wasn’t going to solve anything. No, if he wanted to fix this he needed to take responsibility for his actions.

He had left you alone all day, not wanting to bother you at work, but as soon as the clock reached 5:05 p.m., he called you, knowing you’d probably be on your way down from your office, heading to the bus stop. You picked up on the third ring.

“What do you want, Vern.” Your tone was sharp and he figured he definitely deserved it.

“Hey…” he started dumbly, “Can you - can you please come home?” His voice was tiny, so different from how it sounded earlier. It was like he was a pleading child asking for his mother to come home. It tugged at your heart strings hearing your usually confident boyfriend sound so small. 

“Are you sure?” You asked, voice still clipped. 

“Of course, Y/N. Actually, where are you? I’ll come get you.” Immediately Vernon was up and grabbing his keys and wallet. 

“I’m just outside work at the bus stop. You don’t-”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” He didn’t give you a chance to finish your sentence, determined to make up for whatever he could. “Please, babe, let me do this.”

“Ok, Vernon.” You said as you hung up and waited at the bus stop for your boyfriend. He pulled up exactly 9 minutes later, having broken at least a few traffic laws to get to you. 

As soon as you got into the passenger seat of his car, he awkwardly leaned over the center console to wrap his arms around you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.” You reached up your hands to lay over his arms, not wanting to ignore the comfort he was offering, not when you needed it so bad. 

You both stayed like that for a moment before Vernon finally pulled away, only to see you trying your damndest to fight the tears that were threatening to fall. “Oh, baby.” He whispered, reaching out and wiping the tears from your cheeks as they started to fall, “Please don’t cry, I’m not worth your tears. I’m so fucking sorry, you have no idea.”

You nodded your head and bit your lip, but Vernon was having none of it as he gently pried your bottom lip from your teeth with his thumb. “Don’t let me off the hook, what I said was awful. I was awful.”

“I understand, Vern.” You whispered, tears still falling, as you reached out to grab his hand. “I’m sorry I left the water out, I-”

Vernon shook his head, eyes closing as he felt another punch of guilt to his gut at what you were about to say. “Nope. No, don’t apologize. Not your fault, not even a little.”

“But-”

“Nope. Let’s go home and I’m going to show you exactly how sorry I am, babe.” You looked at him as he slowly sat back comfortably in the driver’s seat, not letting go of your hand, and started to drive. “You aren’t allowed to lift a finger for the rest of the day. And I don’t want to hear any apologies from you. I’m the sorry one.”

Chan

Chan listened to your quiet sobs for what felt like hours but realistically had only been about 30 minutes. He never left his spot right outside your bedroom door, not even to grab ice for his steadily bruising cheek. He didn’t care about the pain, he deserved it and more for what he had said to you.

Chan would spend the rest of his life groveling and making up for those words if you’d let him. He knows how wrong they were, how awful they sounded coming from someone who is supposed to love and protect you. Protect you from shit like that, but instead, he’s the one spewing it. 

After another few minutes, Chan couldn’t take it anymore and crawled over the the door, rasping his knuckles on the wood frame a few times. “Y/N?” he asked over your sobs. You quieted for a moment, letting Chan know you heard him, at least. “Y/N, I am so fucking sorry.” Chan finally let his tears fall, full force, as he continued to apologize. “J-just, please, let me in so I can make sure you’re okay, p-please.” He begged, still lightly knocking his knuckles onto the door. 

It took a few moments of silence before he heard the lock click. Immediately he was scrambling to stand up and open the door. He was expecting you to be standing there waiting to possibly slap him again, but instead, he stumbled over your hunched form on the floor, right next to the door. Catching himself before he could face plant, he quickly crouched down so he was at eye level with you.

“Baby…” his voice was distraught at the sight of you hunched over and sobbing. Sobbing because of him, his words. It broke his heart all over again. “Will you p-please come sit with me?” He asked, holding his hand out in offer for you to take. You stared at it for a moment before giving in and settling your hand in his, allowing him to pull you to standing. 

You didn’t look him in the eye, instead looking down at the floor as he led you over to the edge of the mattress and sat down. He wanted to pull you into his lap, but decided against it, opting instead to keep holding you hand as he spoke. 

“Y/N, I don’t even know how to explain myself. I can’t explain myself. What I said was so fucked up, that I wouldn’t blame you if you never forgive me. I wouldn’t blame you if you slap me again and leave me forever.” He sounded so distraught that you finally looked up at him, a small gasp leaving your lips at the sight of his bruised face.

He looked at you surprised, only to realize you were tearing up again at the sight of his face. “No, no Y/N, you didn’t hurt me, I swear. I deserved this, in fact, I deserve more,” he pleaded with you, not wanting you to feel guilty for the slap. “I promise, baby, I’m fine.”

You weren’t sure you totally believed him, but you nodded anyway, not really knowing what to say. 

“Can I please, please hold you? I know I don’t have the right, but-”

Before Chan could finish his sentence you had your arms around his neck. You could tell he was truly sorry for what he said. That didn’t mean you were going to forgive him right away, or possibly at all, for the awful way he treated you. But right now you both needed a little comfort before you had a serious discussion. You weren’t going to deny yourself of that, so you sunk into his arms as they wrapped around you, burying your face in his neck. 

“I don’t want to say I forgive you, Chan because I don’t know if I do, but I’m not leaving. I love you, Chan, and I know you didn’t really mean it.”

“You don’t have to forgive me,” he mumbled into your hair, “But I’m going to keep apologizing for the rest of our lives if you let me.”

[lovebvni]

reality shifting changed who i am

reality shifting was a tool in improving my life emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

i was a person who was seriously judgemental, afraid, and just overall… a hater. but when i was introduced to reality shifting, i was forced to step outside of that box.

i have mentioned this before, but i used to be very uncomfortable with the term “witchcraft” and what i believed it to be. when someone said tarot cards, or a tarot reading, i would believe they were somehow linking up with the devil and speaking through him or something.

then i had a friend who slowly introduced me to it after i made a blog about channeling. he pushed me into doing more research on it and finding out what it actually was. then i bought my first tarot deck — from five below (an american store similar to a dollar store)

i began messing around with them, asking random questions, getting to know them, and doing readings on my basement floor. was i still scared? hell yes. did i conquer that fear? duh. i’m here now.

through tarot i began to learn about deities. and something was telling me “loki is reaching out” and i asked the same friend from before about it and he was like “yeah, that’s loki. try to do a reading”

and i did. then i started learning about past lives.

past lives, simply, are lives your soul used to be in. and i learned things can (and tend to) stick when passing from life to life. and may of those things are not our fault anymore. you aren’t the same person you were yesterday, so how are you gonna compare yourself to 60000 years ago? you can’t! you have changed.

and that helped me realize that it is true in my current reality too. i made mistakes in the past, but i have changed. i have asked over and over for forgiveness, i have prayed about it, and apologized so many times… but i never forgave myself. that was my issue.

but, without shifting, i wouldn’t have learned to let go, and that we evolve and change daily.

shifting has helped me with a lot of shit… big and small… and i am still learning to this day.

shifting is an art you can express yourself through. it improves you in all acts of life. i learned self care, not to overwork myself, to take breaks, listen to my intuition, that i am powerful, and more :)

now, all i want to say is reflect on your shifting journey and how you have changed throughout it. it should give you some motivation.

with love, as always,

the abyss

[ruminate88]

TikTok keeps saying “Oh they’ll get justice it’s coming” 😢 but don’t you want to forgive them instead?

So okay… I’ve experienced “Betrayal Trauma”. I’ve been exploited by my “friend” Jake, he posted all my private photos on Twitter… he humiliated me and I was so ashamed of myself!! 😭😭😭 (I regret even sending Jake the photos but I trusted him and I had to accept what I had done but I also chose to let Jake go. I did not request punishment for him)

I’ve been ghosted by a guy named Cody, whom I believed was the most special person in my whole world!! I adored Cody but yet poof. He walked away without a goodbye. It was the biggest slap in the face for me. I did NOT understand how he could just walk away from me like that. However, I had to accept his choice and also walk away. I carried a burden of that for years. I felt cold and isolated after Cody but I could not change anything about the whole situation but rather understand Cody has internal issues and emotional barriers that prevents him from healthy relationships and it saddens me for him.

Finally, I was with a guy for over a year named Andrew and I believed I was falling so in love with him but then I caught him cheating with a friend of mine, he blamed me for it and couldn’t say he loved me. I broke up with him and he was a robot. NO EMOTIONS. Just blank. Then weeks after, tells me he “pretended all his feelings for me” basically telling me he lied about everything and nothing he said he felt for me originally was real. Sure… that was a gut punch!! A knife stabbed into my back 😭 That caused me to try to end my life 3 times. I was the worst version of myself and hated myself. I still couldn't stop loving Andrew though because love is sooo real. I didn’t want to hurt Andrew just because he was hurting me. 😔💔❤️‍🩹 (it’s possible Andrew also has emotional barriers)

DESPITE IT ALL… My feelings and love was genuine. I loved Andrew and wanted him to be okay; even while he’s inflicting pain on me. I don’t want evil done to him even if I believe he caused me great pain.

I believe in order to have forgiveness or mercy in your life, you have to be able to give it. I believe you reap what you sow or “get what you give”. I do believe unless you have forgiveness, you’ll get what’s coming to you. That’s super scary 😢😓 I am not perfect. I’ve made my share of mistakes and messes! I don’t want to reap my bad actions. I constantly ask for forgiveness from God, myself and others. I pray my exes want forgiveness and I want to give it to them ❤️‍🩹

Forgiving my exes doesn’t take away all the pain I feel from them and it does not change the past but it sets the path to a brighter future. I don’t trust my exes but I still love them. I do believe Andrew and Cody lied to me and were fake with me but my love was real. Andrew may have pretended to be sweet when we met so I would give him my nudes and I am sorry I gave him my nudes. I didn’t respect myself back then but I still care about his well-being. I think of both him and Cody all the time.

as for Jake, I hope good for him too. I don’t think of him as much cuz I long forgave him and decided I can’t ever trust his friendship but he’s totally free. Be out of my hair and just go enjoy yourself. Have a very happy and healthy life!!!

I wish the same for Andrew and Cody. Be safe, healthy and happy. I pray you fall in love and it’s real. I pray you have happy and healthy families. I miss you both every day and I’m sad to be without you both but it’s ok. I’m growing each day and I hope you are too ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 sure to get an apology sounds good in theory but only if you truly understand it and mean it. Don’t apologize just for my sake. I want it to be from your hearts cuz you both truly have made changes in your lives. I also apologize for anything I had done to you or by you. I’m sorry my love was not enough for either of you I really did try and give it my all ❤️‍🩹 (hope you realize how hard I tried for you both)

[oceanxembrace]

She felt her breath catch softly in her throat at his laugh—a quiet, astonished sound that she knew, deep in her heart, was rarer and more precious than he’d ever let on. A smile slowly blossomed across her lips, a gentle reflection of that fleeting brightness he had shared so cautiously. She leaned into the gentle weight of his arm, allowing herself the moment to feel the steady warmth he offered, steady and sure in the silence between them.

“Call it a draw,” she echoed softly, teasing warmth colouring her words as she tilted her head to glance at him. Her eyes sparkled softly in the gathering twilight, carrying layers of meaning and history that words alone could never fully capture. “You know I don’t really care about winning anymore, either.”

Her thumb traced slow circles across the back of his hand, contemplative and gentle. It was a simple gesture, small and delicate, but filled with the quiet weight of all the things they had said, and more importantly—all the things they hadn’t. The truths and apologies, the unspoken promises finally beginning to bloom. It reminded her of the first time she’d ever seen him falter, back when they were children pretending they knew what strength was. Even then, she had wanted to reach out.

At his next words, her heart tightened slightly—not with pain, but with something softer and deeper. She understood the hesitation, the careful, tentative hope in his voice. “I think you underestimate Sora,” she murmured softly. “He’s stubbornly forgiving—sometimes too forgiving, if that’s even possible.”

She turned more fully toward him, her eyes earnest and gently serious, the humour softly fading to quiet sincerity. “You know, I used to think apologies were about undoing hurt, about making amends. But maybe it’s not that simple. Maybe it’s more about acknowledging where you’ve been, who you’ve become—and trusting someone else to see it, too. To let them decide what that means.”

A pause, thoughtful, as the sea murmured softly beneath them, the gentle pulse of waves echoing their quiet heartbeats. “He knows you, Riku. Just like I do. He’s seen everything you’ve carried and everything you’ve let go of. Maybe he never needed an apology as much as he needed you back. Whole and here, not disappearing behind everything you thought you owed him.”

Her voice dropped then, her words weaving into the hush around them like thread pulled taut across years of longing. “You think so much about what you took on, what you became. But what you don’t see is that we never looked at you and saw a burden. We saw someone who fought to come home, even when it broke him. Someone who never stopped believing we were worth fighting for.”

She exhaled softly, the tension that had lingered in her shoulders quietly fading as she spoke, replaced by a profound sense of clarity and calm. “I think apologies are sometimes more important for the person giving them. It means you’re ready to stop punishing yourself. To accept that you deserve to be forgiven.”

Her gaze was steady, gentle, holding his without faltering. “I forgave you a long time ago. Sora did too. But maybe it was never our forgiveness you needed the most.”

The words lingered between them, curling into the dusk, softened by salt air and shared memory. She thought of the countless nights she’d looked at the stars and wondered if he was still out there, still trying to outrun what only love could mend.

She let that linger softly, her fingers intertwining slowly with his, anchoring them both in the present moment. “You can talk to him. I promise, he’ll understand. And maybe—maybe it’s time you let yourself have that.” Her voice softened further, an earnest whisper filled with quiet conviction. “You deserve that.”

And then she simply stayed there, holding his hand tightly in hers, offering warmth and quiet companionship in the hush of twilight—her quiet promise that, no matter how long it took, they would always find their way back. Together.

She rested her head against his shoulder, the smallest contented sigh slipping past her lips. Not out of exhaustion, but peace. For once, the world wasn’t pulling them apart. For once, there was nothing to chase but the comfort of being here.

“You never had to fight being loved,” she whispered again, almost to herself. “But I’ll keep reminding you until you believe it.”

@oceanxembrace

It spoke of a strong foundation, the strength of bonds more than hearts, that they could even sit there while night steadily descended and talk like they were. Riku had gotten used to being a little more open in his honesty, offering a bit more of himself to those who'd proven they could be trusted. It hadn't been on the level of the conversation they were having since--

Long ago. Before the door was opened. Before he'd ever really gotten it in his head that what he truly wanted to do was leave first, exploration and adventure and taking the people who meant the most to him in his entire world with him. He wasn't certain he'd ever told them that, made it clear how necessary they were in the adventures. The escape from everything but them, before--

Yes. Before.

Maybe the closeness more than the words made him feel just short of too exposed. It wasn't the same feeling as slinking around in the shadows, knowing he was being observed; there wasn't a paranoid need to hide again, or to pull back. As if she'd let him, anyway; it was just another thing he wasn't used to. Not inherently bad or good, simply new. Under the circumstances, anyway.

I know. His eyes fluttered closed for a moment, breathing slow and deep. Controlling the count, the cadence. Tempting though it was to keep his eyes closed, the next breath was all the bracing he needed to open them and gaze back. Watching himself be examined again as someone. Not an object, not a means to an end. Better, nicer, even if he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to it.

He needed to listen. Again. He had to hear it, even if he had to hold his breath from time to time to stop himself wincing in empathy. Somehow it didn't feel like someone lining up counts against him, wrongs he'd been responsible for; just thoughts. Feelings. Laid bare and expressed and talked about. It hurt a little, but of course it did. He caught himself thinking, so assured by the idea, It wasn't enough, back then. Nothing was enough back then--

And. Stopped. Stopped that entire thought. Saw it for what it was and took another breath, then studied Kairi in turn. Stunning and beautifully fierce in her resolve even through broken words and hitched breaths. She'd always been, truth be told, but it had become undeniable. Her belief in them, and their future, was a kind of warmth he couldn't possibly put into words, went a fair bit beyond admiration and love and-- Whatever that was, whatever felt like being welcomed back to somewhere he'd been away from for a long time. Both on purpose and very much not.

He was enamored by her faith. Maybe it was easier to embrace in hindsight, easier to say while they were both sitting there, so close, but Riku-- He hadn't been sure that they'd find their way back to each other, not until he'd managed to wake Sora and test his confidence, not until he'd been sent to retrieve Kairi with no specific reason given save importance. Something essential. Only once their paths all kept tangling together had he felt some semblance of ease despite the looming fight ahead of them.

Then, after all of her gentle disarming, she delivered the kind of killing blow that got a soft sound out of him not terribly unlike he'd been struck in the chest: You don't have to fight being loved anymore. Far more favorable than a literal hit, luckily, though the color on his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose probably wasn't completely possible to hide despite the fading daylight. Once he'd gotten his breath back, he laughed; a quiet, astonished sound.

That urge to argue wasn't silenced, exactly. It was softened into something altogether better and worse with a light squeeze of Kairi's shoulders, tone warm and teasing. "Mm... can we call it a draw for now even if I do yield?" Did he actually have the competitive streak that he used to? At times, sure, but he didn't care as much about winning anymore.

Which lead to a wholly different thought. "Do you think Sora would ever let me apologize?" The question was soft enough to make it obvious that he hadn't completely wanted to give voice to it, to release it out into the world. There was something to be said for being stopped mid-apology with the vehement insistence that there was nothing to apologize for, and he hardly wanted to take that much for granted, but the apology itself felt... important.

[itaehynz]

the way things go. — c.bg

pairing: choi beomgyu x gn!reader x choi yeonjun.

genre: fluff + angst (kinda)

warnings: some lyrics from ‘the way things go’ by beabadoobee.

summary: it’s been two years since your heartbreak. he comes back to apologize but it’s too late.

part 1 | part 2

it’s been two years & your life has been falling nothing short of happiness. you’ve been the happiest you can be and you sort of thank beomgyu for that, without the breakup you wouldn’t have realized your worth.

you’re worthy of having friends outside of your relationship, being in touch with your family, going out with friends without feeling guilty.

even though, after the breakup you did fall into a sort of depressive state, knowing that beomgyu and your bestfriend were the only sort of consistency in your life. the only people you felt like you had. but that wasn’t true, no it wasn’t. they were holding you back.

now that it’s over, you’ve blossomed into a beautiful, social butterfly. making new friends wherever you go, bagging job interviews wherever you went. actually no, you’ve bagged a job already!

it pays amazing, you enjoy working there, amazing co-workers & one of them seem to have a little crush on you. let’s just say, it’s not unrequited… you have a date with him tonight!

his name is yeonjun, he works in the upper level but you always see him in the morning at your local cafe & you two always end up walking to work together, ever since then you’ve two hit it off. he’s a sweetheart, you enjoy speaking with him and he’s extremely good looking.

so as of right now, you’re at home to prepare yourself for your date. you didn’t dress up or anything because yeonjun said he wanted to start off small.

he’s supposed to be picking you up at 8:30. it’s 8:20 and you’re already dressed, sitting down and watching tv. you’re relaxing before he arrives but you hear a small knock at your door. pausing your show, you walk over to your door unlocking it and being faced with an all too familiar figure.

“beomgyu?”

“hi y/n,” he says.

“what are you doing here?” you question him, blinking in confusion as it’s been nearly three years since you’ve last seen him.

there's so much left to say.

he clears his throat, preparing for what he came to say but he’s slightly unfocused. you look perfect, your hair is styled differently than usual, and there are no longer exhaustion bags under your eyes.

was he the cause of your change? that shouldn’t even be a question, obviously he was (in the worst way).

“i… i came here to say sorry. for two years ago, i gave up on our relationship and instead of just breaking up with you, i cheated on you with your best friend. i’m really sorry y/n.”

you aren’t shocked that that’s what he came here for but, you didn’t expect it to be now.

i guess i'm just the bigger guy,

“i already forgave you, beomgyu,” you sigh, “forgiving and forgetting. it’s all in the past now.”

he looks shocked to hear your answer and he opens his mouth to reply but he hears your elevator ding behind him, turning around to see who it is.

you peek out of your apartment to see who he’s looking at and smile in response, “hi yeonjun!” you say, which causes beomgyu to look back at you in confusion.

i'm happy now, i ought to let you know

“hey y/n! who’s this?” he asks as he reaches out to shake beomgyu’s hand. beomgyu shakes his hand hesitantly with a small smile on his face.

“oh, this is beomgyu. he’s an old friend of mine,” you reply, looking up at beomgyu once again. “no worries, he was just leaving so we can be on our way in a few! let me just finish speaking with him for a moment,” yeonjun nods, going to hug you and then walk back to the elevator.

in my mind, you always stay the same

you turn back to beomgyu sighing, “i’ve moved on beomgyu, your apology is long overdue and i’m over it. it’s best you get over it too, if you’re not already.” smiling gently before reaching inside your apartment for your jacket, “see you.” you say as you leave out of your apartment, closing the door and walking away from beomgyu as you walk over to yeonjun with a bright smile.

and i don't mind that that's the way things go

beomgyu stands there as he watches you hug the so-called ‘yeonjun’ once more, sadness glazing his eyes. turning away to walk down the stairs with his hands in his pockets, coming to the realization that you’ve actually moved on.

oh, i guess that's just the way things go.

but hey, he’s the cause of it and all he can do is blame himself. he wasn’t good for you and you were too good for him, that’s just the way things go.

© TTYUNZ.

++ author’s note: hi guys! as i’m coming to the end of writing the long awaited ‘i can’t remember to forget you’, i decided to finish up this draft. it’s the sequel to my latest beomgyu fic & i hope you guys enjoy reading this as someone did request a part two!

++ tagl: @boba-beom @bucketofhiros @yeofy @n0-thisispatrick @hyukafied @hyunimylove @luvsoobs @choiwrld @majestyjun @tyunkus @belovedxiao @h00nerz.

++ networks: @k-labels

[reobabesstuff]

Cuddling with blue lock boys

-----------------------

Characters: Sae itoshi, Rin itoshi, Reo Mikage and Nagi Seishiro x G!n Reader.

--------------------------------------------

Sae Itoshi

You have been craving for some attention from your boyfriend who was busy looking at the screen. You scooted closer to him and hang your hand on his shoulder.

He didn't response to your presence beside him. You pouted and hugged his arm. He still doesn't pay attention to you. And that was enough for your attention instincts.

You grabbed his arm and bit it.

The man shrilly yelled, "the fuck? Y/n?". "Why aren't paying attention to me?" You tilted your head side and looked at him with your puppy eyes. "Am I annoying you?" You huffed.

"of course not! The hell?!" He shrugged. "Then why aren't you cuddling with me?? I need them!" You pouted while clinging on his arm. "Couldn't you just ask me for cuddles?" He looked at you.

"I— you know how much I love CUDDLES??!" You blushed. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder. You quickly placed your head on his chest hearing his soothing heartbeat. Your eyes closed as you surrendered in the warmth.

"Y'know, sae, You're the best" you mumbled rubbing his hand softly. "Your cuddles are the warmthest". Sae softly stroked your hair. "I know puppy, I'm the best" He kissed the top of your head.

--------------------------------------------

Rin Itoshi

You had an argument with Rin, that was the stupidest argument in the whole history. You knew you said mean things to him during argument. And you felt incredibly bad for that. But you could just not go to him and apologise.

He was mad at you and you deserved it. But you couldn't sleep without his warm cuddles. You tossed on the couch finding the best posture to sleep. But missed his warmth. You had many apologises in your head.

You inhaled and stood up from the couch and headed towards the bedroom. You slowly opened the door and peaked inside. You saw Rin sleeping with a pillow in between his leg. He looked extremely adorable and you missed his arms. But looking at his face brought back harsh things you said to me.

You couldn't find courage to do as you planned. You went back to the couch. "Guess It will be a long night" you signed and hugged the pillow. The pillow was just good. But Rin was a way better cuddler. You somehow went to sleep, the sleep wasn't a good one.

Then, you felt warm around your body. You snuggled into whatever that was. Your lips curled into a smile.

Rin saw you coming into the bedroom, stare at him and then leave. He knew you can't sleep without cuddles. He was mad at you but... He couldn't stop himself to check upon you and end up bringing to the bedroom and cuddle.

You snuggled into the 'pillow'. You felt something holding you close. You opened your eyes to only see Rin in front of you. "Rin?" You looked at him. "You are only here because you can't sleep without cuddles..." He said in a cold voice. "I still need an apology" he added.

Your heart couldn't hold in anymore. You hugged him and cried. "I'm so sorry, Rin" you sobbed. "I said mean things to you, I would never say those things ever again" you sniffled. You slowly away from him and looked at him with your puppy eyes. "Forgive me...please?"

Looking at your teary and puppy eyes, Rin forgave you. "I fucking missed your cuddles" you buried your face into his neck.

"I'll make sure you never miss them again" he mumbled and placed a kiss on your forehead.

---------------------------------------------

Reo Mikage

The sweat purred down your forehead. You had a terrible nightmare. Your eyes were wide open, you were scared. You brought your legs to your chest and hugged them. You tried to comfort yourself but that was just not working.

Then you felt the mattress move as you felt arm around your body and pull you closer to them. " A nightmare?" Reo asked. You nodded.

He placed a soft kiss on your shoulder, "it's okay, I'm here for you... Don't worry... It was just a bad dream" he mumbled comfort things into your ears. You soon felt a bit relieved. He gently stroked on your head. Giving you a soft kiss on your cheek. You tangled your legs with his.

He was a human version of comfort for you. He would always hug you, stroke your hair, give you kiss whenever you had a nightmare.

He cupped your face and wiped your tears, "Okay now? Feelin' any better?" He smiled and gave your lips a peck. You nodded, "A lot," your lips curled into a smile. He noticed your hands shaking, he held them, "You are such a bad liar, Y/n" He kissed your hands.

"If you are okay then why are your hands shaking?" He rubbed his nose against yours. Well the truth was you didn't want to bother Reo. You have already ruined his sleep a lot. He keeps worrying about you. Just because you're too scared, like a coward.

"tha—thats..." you stammered. He kissed you softly. "That's okay, darling ... I know" he whispered.

---------------------------------------------

Nagi Seishiro

Nagi was playing video games on his mobile phone, obviously that's what he does. You were wearing his hoodie which was way too big for you but it had his scent.

You sat on his lap in between his legs on the bed, "what are you playing?" You asked. "Among us....thats— i wasn't the imposter! They still ejected me?!" He was pissed off. "Excuse me, you are an imposter" you said.

"Y/n, I wasn't ! That's the yellow was the imposter they won't bel—" You gave him a peck on his lips to shut him. "You don't spend time with me. I'm craving for cuddles." You crossed your arms. "Is my puppy mad at me?" He wrapped his huge arms around your torso. "Course I am" you huffed.

He rested his chin on your shoulder, "another game" he looked at the screen. You rolled your eyes. You stood up from his lap but he held you and pulled you into his lap again. "Where are you going?" He trapped you in between his legs. "Stay with me" he grabbed your hand and kept it on his head. "Com'on pet my head." You flattered and gently pet his head. His soft white locks rubbing against your fingertips.

He nibbled his nose into your neck. "you call me puppy and act yourself like one" you said. "I can even bite, Y/n" he whispered. "And looking at you in my hoodie..." He kissed your cheek. You were flustered. Avoiding his actions your gaze fell on his phone screen.

"um Nagi, someone killed you" you pointed at the screen. "well shit, I guess..." He kept his phone a side. "It's time to do you" he pulled your closer and playfully bit your cheek. "Ow, Nagi!" You giggled.

"you're so mouthful" he mumbled.

---------------------------------------------

[neetclown]

This is the song, please support the musician!

I am normal about TMOSTH and my AU of it. This one got original art again because I am a bit silly about them. In case you dont know my au, you can like read a whole breakdown of it here!!! But it’s a sort of "what if the dart was lethal and Espio accidentally becomes a murderer" type AU

"What is this edit about specifically?" This:

So, during that explanation of the au on another edit I talked a lot about how their relationship from IDW (and also Archie) plays into this, where Espio has this sort of dislike for Sonic during the metalvirus arc and fully blames him for it. Obviously he said that because he was really distraught about losing his Team, but still. Their dynamic is that of people whove been friends for years, but one of the two is more antagonistic than the other. Its the sort of dislike that you cannot really justify to yourself (Espio). Sonic on the other hand sees Espio as his buddy, though he sort of knows theres negative feelings there. Nice guy as he is though, he tries to mend their relationship. Both sides force themselves to act a specific way to be a good friend, despite the bad blood. Espio just kind of swallows his feelings and tries his best to play along (he is not very good at it, if this edit is any indicator) and Sonic overplays his friendship and walks on eggshells to apologize, in a way, without ever addressing the situation.

Both genuinely want to get along like they used to, but they never address the elephant in the room and their clashing feelings often end up making the other one feel worse. Sonics overly friendly and forgiving manner makes Espio feel like a piece of shit for even disliking the guy sometimes and Espios reserved and asocial behavior makes Sonic feel like an asshole for making the guy act like this in the first place. So nothing ever gets resolved!

One time when they had a big confrontation about how Sonic deals with enemies and tries to give them a second chance if they can be reasoned with and Espio said "where is the cut off point? When does someones crime become unforgivable?" And Sonic responded with "We forgave you Espio." (A reference to his betrayal in Archie). Espio didnt respond to that, but he walked away wishing Sonic was dead. Just for a second. Just one intrusive thought that he shook off immediately, but it still made him feel terrible.

And then Espio kills Sonic and everything comes crashing down.

[crazypaperwasteland]

Bloodlust

Word Count: 1.6k

(PLEASE FORGIVE MY SHITTY WRITING, this is not proofread, it is just something I whipped up at eight o’clock at night and wanted to post. And I apologize for not updating for a while, I’ve had a lot of work to do with school and a lot of drama I needed to deal with recently.)

(Y/N) was still a fairly new vampire in the Cullen family, as far as new goes, which was actually a pretty long time when it came to vampires. The Cullens had met her in England when they lived there for a time in the 50’s. She was a very timid woman who gravitated more towards Jasper than any of the other Cullens.

Jasper had been dealing with the worst of the bloodlust, so being around a human woman so much was not very…. helpful. But he tried his best, and for a while, things were good. They were better than good. They had fallen in love. Obviously there were tough moments where Jasper thought he was undeserving of her, or that he would lose control of himself and accidentally harm her. 

Jasper had insisted for many years and on multiple occasions that they should end their… thing. But she always managed to convince him that they were right for each other, and that he would never hurt her or do anything that could scare her away from him. And that remained true, there was nothing, absolutely nothing that could make her leave him. Even death itself. 

Until one day in the early winter in 1959, Jasper had killed her, making her a vampire. It was years before he forgave himself for it. But when Edward met Bella, the two of them had many questions as soon as Bella learned what they were. Which (Y/N) and Jasper were hesitant to answer because while fifty or so years was half of a human lifetime, it was but a blip in a vampire’s existence, making the wound still fresh. 

Edward had come to Jasper as soon as he met Bella, as soon as he had smelt her blood, spoken to her and decided that she was the woman for him. 

“Did you ever… forgive yourself?” Edward asked Jasper. Making his adoptive brother raise a brow at him, “when you hurt (Y/N), did you ever forgive yourself for it?”

Jasper put the book he had been reading down on the couch cushion next to him and eyed his brother closely, contemplating whether or not he should answer. “Not for decades.”

“But you did?”

“She forgave me,” Jasper told his brother, “instantly.”

“That wasn’t my question,” Edward said. “Jasper, please, I need to know. How did it… when you did it, how did it feel when you realized what you’d done?”

Jasper’s golden eyes flicked to the floor as he remembered it, he remembered it all. “Agonizing.”

Red, Jasper saw red, he felt red. It was slick and dangerous, and he wondered to himself why there was so much red everywhere, on his hands, on his clothes, it was warm. He inhaled needlessly, and then he understood. He looked down and his breath caught even though he had none. 

If he could cry, he would have been sobbing at the sight before him. His love, his (Y/N), lying on her living room floor, lifeless, blood pouring slowly from her neck as the last of her life drained from her. Her eyes were still open, looking to the side, those beautiful (e/c) eyes that he had fallen in love with almost as much as he was in love with her. 

He lunged forward as the bloodlust had faded and grabbed her, shaking her, even though he could hear it, no heartbeat in her chest. He shook her as if she was just sleeping and she would wake up like she did every morning before that day, she would wake up next to him, and every morning, she would smile at him with that gorgeous smile of hers. 

Jasper felt as if his frozen heart was being ripped out of his chest, and he acted without even thinking, praying that it would work. He lifted her wrist to his mouth and bit into it, his fangs digging into her cold skin, sending his venom into her veins. He then pulled his mouth away and moved to her upper arm and bit into it, he repeated the process on her other arm. He lifted her shirt and bit into her sides, trying to inject as much venom in her body as possibly. 

The waiting for her to wake had been painful, even though it was only about an hour. When her eyes opened, her lashes catching in the light, making them more prominent, he let out a sigh, but then looked away from her. It had worked, but there was another realization that came with her transformation. 

He had done that to her. 

He couldn’t bear to see the look on her face when she realized it too. And after a few seconds, her voice met his ears. “Jasper?” Soft and hesitant, he shook his head, not at her, at himself. “Jasper, it’s okay.” So smart. She already knew what he’d done. What she was. “I know you didn’t mean to.”

His eyes moved in her direction but didn’t look at her, “does it matter?” His voice was distant, “you just…. I don’t even remember what happened, but I do know that I…. I did this to you. I hurt you, (Y/N). I killed you. You can’t just say that what I did is okay.”

I could feel (Y/N) staring at me, “Jas, would you please just look at me?” He shook his head again slightly, her voice was more desperate when she asked again. “Please.” He could hear her choke on a sob, even if she tried to hide it, even if she couldn’t even cry. 

Jasper gulped and then turned his head slightly to look at her, and even in his guilt, in his sadness, in his desperation to find an answer to why he would do something, anything to harm his love, he thought that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her blood red eyes stared into his own that were slowly fading into a golden color with the more animal blood he drank. 

He bit his bottom lip, “I am so sorry.” He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, “I am so sorry I did this to you, my love. I just….”

(Y/N) reached up with a small frown and touched her neck, where he had bitten her previously. Finding new, cold skin. “Jasper,” she started, he could tell by her spaced out gaze that she was thinking. “I forgive you.”

“I will never fully forgive myself for what I did to her,” Jasper told his brother once he snapped himself out of the memory. “I will never forget that I turned her into this.” He gestured to himself, “I will never forgive myself for turning her into a creature that constantly struggles, and she struggles more than any of us with her nature. I turned her into something that can’t have children, or a normal life. I couldn’t give her either even before she was a vampire.”

Jasper could tell that his answer wasn’t the one that Edward was hoping he would get. “The girl you’ve seen me talking to, Bella Swan, she’s figured out what we are, and I don’t know how to deal with it.” Jasper stayed calm, surprisingly at the news that the girl had figured it out. “She is different from other girls, and I am constantly worrying that she is going to get hurt, that I am going to hurt her. Or worse.”

Jasper smiled slightly, “you won’t.”

“I might,” Edward protested. 

“Trust me, you won’t,” Jasper stood up from his spot on the couch. “Do what I didn’t have the guts to do. Believe that you won’t harm her, and you won’t. I didn’t listen to (Y/N) when she told me that I wouldn’t hurt her, I didn’t trust myself the way that she trusted me, and it cost her everything. Don’t make the same mistake.” He patted Edward once on the shoulder before going back to his bedroom where his love waited. 

Jasper leaned against the doorframe and watched her as she laid on her back, half falling off the edge of the bed with a book high above her face. Her eyes flicked to him from her upside down position, her eyes were a bright shade of gold. As soon as she saw him, she smiled, not bothering to move from her position, but setting down her book. 

Jasper huffed a laugh, “are you having fun there?”

“Well, it would be more fun if my husband would come here and do it with me,” (Y/N) teased. “But alas, he is in a far away land, which he has neglected to tell me the name of. So I suppose you’ll have to do.” She sighed in feigned disappointment. 

Jasper shook his head at her antics, he padded over to her and crouched down so his face was level with hers. He brought his lips to her, his top lip touching her bottom one. It was a sweet kiss, which was not uncommon. 

She rolled over onto her stomach and tilted her head at him with a soft smile on her face replacing her wide one, her smile was simply one of contentment. She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair before cupping his cheek. “You did not take anything from me,” she said softly. Jasper swallowed as she stroked his cheek. “I have everything I have ever needed right here.” Her thumb brushed his bottom lip as she looked him in the eye. 

“I will never not need to hear that,” Jasper sighed. 

She hummed, “lucky for you, I will never have a problem reminding you.” She pulled him forward by the chin for another sweet kiss that made him smile against her lips. 

He had truly found the woman he wanted to spend his immortal life with. And she was perfect. 

[hwattheheckk]

[12:03 a.m] One Last Time - S.Mg

Pairing: Mingi x gn!reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: unhealthy relationship, cheating, mentions of manipulation, Mingi is an ass

Wc: 1k words

a/n: just felt fucking sad so here you go~~

☽·Masterlist·☾

“Baby, please just open the door,” his voice was weak and hoarse, he was persistent in trying to get you to open the door, while you sat at the corner of the room hugging your knees to your chest, weak sobs leaving you sad and angry that this had happened way too many times to be called a simple mistake.

And that door wasn’t the only thing that was blocking the chance to mend your relationship again like Mingi hopes you will be able to. It was also the constant breaking of trusts and promises that also caused you to be in this state.

“I said I’m sorry Y/N, I swear it won’t happen again,” his apology was met with nothing but a loud silence. He bangs the door again in a tired manner, another pitiful sob leaving his mouth as he rests his forehead on the door.

He lifts his head, hearing the faint footsteps approaching the door, he stood there, expectantly waiting for you to open the door, to tell him you forgave him just like other times, to ask him to cuddle you to sleep to forget about his mistake, just like the other times.

He stopped himself from pulling you into a hug as you opened the door, he was met with a view that made his heart sink, the stain of your tears was visible on your cheeks, your nose and eyes were red, probably out of crying, you looked tired, your eyes were dead, out of life as you sniffled your nose.

He....did that to you? Again?

“Baby-” he tried to come closer but stopped before he would hug you when you put your palm to his chest, pushing him back with little pressure. “You don’t have the right to call me that Song Mingi, what happened to ‘I promise to never do it again’, for the 4th time you did it again, yes I even fucking counted how much you had fucked up, four! Four times!”

Tears flowed down the tall male’s eyes, desperate to get you to forgive him, he knows he’s made so many mistakes now that he knows he doesn’t deserve you in his life, but he can’t let go of you, he has tried but he just couldn’t see himself being able to live without you.

So why, why did he keep betraying you, he always only realized how wrong it was after what happened happened. Then you guys will end back to square one, with you locking yourself somewhere asking why he chose to betray you even after all those promises and him telling you to open the door, begging you to forgive him, and begging you not to leave, the thought of you leaving him makes his skin crawl, he was terrified of that happening.

He would do anything, even if it meant that he had to play dirty and manipulate you, he would if it was for the sake of you staying. You don’t understand him anymore, he didn’t love you, if he does then why does he keep making mistakes.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes for the thousandth time, and surprisingly enough, you always forgave him, but that had to change. Not wanting to say more you attempt to walk past Mingi, but you know he’s not going to allow that.

You could feel his hands gripping on your wrists, not even allowing you to remove his hand away. “Mingi…..please just leave me for once, this is too much for me and you know that!”

Mingi falls to his knees to your words, kneeling to your legs, holding you from walking away, both of you were sobbing loudly now. He knows just how much you love him and what actions and words to use against you, if he didn’t, you would have left a long time ago, or even the first time he made a mistake with the person he said they were “just friends.”

This has been going on one too many times. He apologizes, you forgive, things get better for a week or two, you start having more hope again, then he makes the same mistakes all over again and you go back straight to square one. You shouldn’t have forgiven him or even met him in the first place, but you didn’t know the love of your life would bring this much despair and sadness into your life.

“You can’t leave me! Can’t you consider just how much that would make me suffer?! Y/N, babe, you can’t leave, I love you and you know that.” He was now hugging your legs, as he looked up with glassy eyes. “Mingi….you don’t love me, it’s all about you loving the idea of being loved and why can’t you see that you’re the one making me suffer and that you’re the reason why this is all happening, over and over again, what exactly is your plan?” You say as tears flowed down.

“Plan? Babe you have got it all wrong, my only plan is to spend time with you,” he defended himself, annoyed, you shake your leg off of his hold and he stands up following you. “Well you sure did have a lot of fun with your ‘friends’ so I don’t see how that is a good answer, you know what? It was my fault for believing in your lies over and over again in the first place, we’re done, and don’t try to guilt-trip me, I’m tired of this Mingi.” You wiped your tears looking around to pick up your jacket, Mingi’s heart sank even deeper, this was actually happening, you were about to leave him, and if he doesn’t want that he must do something as soon as possible.

You were already on the door about to close it. Come on Mingi, say something, you can still make a difference. “I can’t live without you Y/N and I mean it if you’re gone I’ll be nothing,” that’s the only sentence he could form, you scoffed.

“You can die to rot for all I care, this is goodbye Song Mingi, I loved you.”

Those was the last words he ever heard from you before you slammed the door at him. That’s when he hoped that you would turn around again, take him in your arms embracing him for just….

One Last Time

©hyuckilstan 2022. All Rights Reserved.

·—☽✧•°♡°•✧☾—·

Taglist: @amangooo, @yeo-hehet, @zen626, @enivivs, @yungisstar1117 (Lemme know if you wanna be added)

·—☽✧•°♡°•✧☾—·

[twinklelilstarkey]

Can I Maybe request a fight with mtkachuk but ends happy???

A/N: Of course. Hope you like it!

You and Matt had a fight. It honestly didn’t come as a surprise. The both of you were in a bad mood the whole day and all you wanted to do was stay home and be alone. And, well, that didn't happen. All because of your plans.

You had planned, weeks prior, with your friends to go have a big evening and dinner out together. The plan was purely for the enjoyment of everyone. It didn’t require a lot of moving or walking around or even driving, so, no complaining about that. It was just a big hang out in someone’s backyard, a late lunch while you talk about life, and, eventually, late at night, a drive to a restaurant to end the day and have the last group meal.

Again, it was supposed to be something light-hearted, but it didn’t take long for Matthew to get under your skin.

Even though the bad mood was from the both of you, he didn’t even care enough to fake a smile when to greet people. Oh, and you were pissed.

You sat beside him during the whole afternoon while he scrolled through his phone and ignored most conversation starters. You tried to overcompensate and be double as social as you normally are because of it.

By the time you got to dinner, it was safe to say: you were exhausted.

And Matthew? His phone had just died so he had nothing to do but actually talk to people. Your friends were nice enough to welcome the moody man into their group conversations but no matter how many pokes you gave his side or pinches on his arm, he just didn’t seem to understand what you wanted. Which was, of course, to be slightly nicer with everyone.

The drive home was complete hell. The first few minutes were just silent, yet as soon as you get to the first red light, a simple unnecessary comment from him and you just snapped.

You two screamed at one another the whole drive, and scream after scream, it surely just ended with you just hurting one another more and more with each sentence.

You remember flashes of the last minutes before getting inside the apartment. You remember slamming the door of his car, sobbing your way through the lobby of the building, and closing yourself in your shared bedroom to cry in peace.

Matthew stayed in the car for a while longer, he ignored the shivers that ran through him when you slammed the door and he heard you sob over the loud thump. He then just stared at the grey wall in front of him in the parking lot.

Minutes passed and you still hadn’t heard the front door reopen, yet you didn’t go to check on Matt. You continued laying over the sheets of your bed, with your wet cheeks and tight chest, as you stared and sobbed at the doors of your wardrobe.

Matt had actually gotten in the apartment already, but he was so silent with the door that he believes not even a ghost heard him walk in.

He took off his shoes and winter jacket, hanging it by the door. He then dragged his feet from the wooden floors of his home and made his way to the bedroom door.

His hand laid over the door handle and he stopped his movements when he heard another soft sob from the other side of the door. He lifted his hand and took a step back, staring at the dark door in silence.

He made you cry and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

Matthew closed his hand into a fist and let it fall to his side. He couldn’t just walk in there and act like what happened just didn’t. Right?

He brought his hand over his curls and brushed them back in frustration. His eyes drifted to the ground as he thought of a solution but nothing came to mind.

And with that, he decided to walk back to the other side of the house, to the living room, where he slept.

This morning, the first thing you did when you woke up was to quickly lay your hand over the opposite side of the bed. Cold. Your eyes opened slowly over the bright sunlight and you let out a groan.

You had a headache that was completely out of this world, almost as if you were with a hungover. But guess that’s what crying until you fall asleep gets you.

You forced yourself out of bed and quickly changed into some comfortable clothes - some shorts and one of Matt’s old shirts.

Now, when you're washing your face, as you look at yourself in the mirror, you tense up.

You didn’t hear Matthew come home, yesterday.

You, in light speed, turn off the water and dry your face with the towel. You walk out of the bathroom and bedroom and start making your way down the hallway.

The house is silent. Too silent.

As you reach the front door, you eye the hanger by it. His jacket is there, and so are his shoes, right under it. His keys are in the little platter on top of the table right at the entrance.

He’s home.

A sudden feeling of relief washes over you and you decide to make your way to the living room. And that’s where you find him. Sleeping on his side over the large couch.

You take silent steps over to him and notice the soft scowl over his features. You also notice that he didn’t change clothes, he’s still in his jeans and hoodie. Probably not very comfortable.

No matter how mad and sad you were yesterday, you didn’t want him to sleep on the couch, or even not go into the bedroom to get clothes. This room is the coldest of the apartment and the couch is only good for short naps. You can’t even imagine how much his back will hurt when he wakes up.

You walk closer to him and decide to not fight off your wishes. You crouch next to the couch and eye Matt’s sleeping form. You raise your hand and brush his curls back, away from his forehead.

He shifts slightly at your sudden touch, yet you don’t pull away. Your fingers play with the shorter hair on the sides of his head and your fingers then move to caress his temple.

No matter how much he hurt you yesterday, you still love him. You guys have known each other for years, it’s not your first fight, so, it’s not as painful as one would imagine it. At least not on the next day.

Your gaze shifts over to his phone on the side table next to the couch. You reach for it, and, yeah, still no battery. Without taking a second to think, you stand up back on your feet and go over to the charger by the TV.

While you’re connecting it to the charger, a voice breaks the silence in the room.

“What time is it?”

You quickly stand back on your feet and turn to Matthew, who is still laying down but is squinting at the light in the room.

“It’s early.” You tell me, “Probably around 9.”

He nods to let you know that he heard you and you finally force yourself to walk over to him again. Matthew opens his eyes when you stand in front of the light that was attacking him and he stares up at you in silence for just a few seconds before lifting his hand up at you. You take it hesitatingly and he pulls you closer to him. To lay with him.

Matthew turns on his side to open some space for you between him and the couch and you finally do as told. You, carefully and slowly, step over his legs on top of the couch and take a seat before finally laying.

Your faces are close to one another. Your back is glued to the couch and your chest to practically touching Matt’s, yet you don’t hesitate to look up at him.

“When did you come home?” You ask, still with your hand in his.

“Right after you did.” He tells you and you frown a bit, “I was just quiet.”

You nod understandably and feel him start to move his hand on yours. For a second you expect him to pull his hand away, but he does the opposite, he intertwines your fingers with his before letting your hands fall between you two.

“I’m sorry for yesterday.” He breaks the silence. “I was an ass and you didn’t deserve that.”

You give him a small smile and a little shake with your head as if to dismiss whatever had happened yesterday.

“I should’ve apologized right away, but I didn’t. I’m so sorry.” He says it again.

“I forgive you, Matty. Don’t worry about it.” You tell him with a soft tone.

“I have to worry.” He tells you, “You were crying, Y/N. I said so much stupid shit. To you and your friends.”

You let go of his hand and lay yours over his cheek.

“You’re forgiven.” You tell him while looking into his worried eyes, “Just- just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.” He tells you, “I promise. I’m never going to be that much of an ass ever again.”

You smile at him and look down at his lips.

You can tell just by the look he’s giving you that he’s still beating himself for it, probably feeling like his apology wasn’t good enough. He has reacted like that before, in smaller arguments, and did end up apologizing to you for more than a week straight - even though you forgave him on the second day.

Sure, his apology is not the long romantic one that leaves a girl swooning at how good he is with words or makes a heart melt, but it’s good enough for you. For all the years you’ve known him, you can tell when he’s apologizing because he needs to and when he wants to. It’s all in his tone and his expression.

He means what he says, even though it’s not much. And just in case you still have a little voice in the back of your mind telling you that you forgave him too quickly, don’t you worry, because he is not done. Expect a minimum of 20 more “I’m sorry’s” just for the rest of the hour.

“Another thing.” You start and he nods quickly, “Please don’t ever sleep on this couch again. Just go sleep on the bed.”

“I didn’t want to make you more upse-”

“You wouldn’t.” You tell him, “Believe me.”

He nods understandingly and you finally land a kiss over his lips. It’s a simple peck, but it’s one that Matthew was dying to get. It relieves some of the pressure in his overthinking mind, and he felt right away. Even if it’s just temporary, it gives him some sort of comfort.

When you pull away and give him a soft grin, his eyes stare back at you lovingly.

“I love you.” He whispers at you. “I’m sorry.”

Your grin stretches into a smile and you give him a very quick kiss.

Here we go.

“Love you too, Matty.” You tell him.

Hope this is good!! I’m kinda worried that this is too rushed but sometimes I just really don’t know how to make it better.

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 2

Part 1

Hiii I don't know if you take request but can i request like a chris evans x reader like the reader and chris are married and chris is having a bad day or something so chris go out to the pub and go home drunk and its been going for 3 days and the reader and chris has a 6year old and the reader have been doing all the work and taking care of they're daughter and they're daughter miss chris bc chris is never home and just go home until 12 or 2 in the morning or if chris is home he never play with her daughter and they're daughter is sad abt it bc they're daughter though chris doesn't love her anymore and chris miss her play in school even though chris promise so that day when chris miss her daughter's play the reader confront chris abt it and chris said he doesn't care abt his daughter and he said he didn't know why he married the reader bc she's clingy but chris didn't know that they're daughter heard what chris said abt her and chris didn't know also that the reader is 6-7 weeks pregnant and the reader and chris heard they're daughter sob and that moment chris realize it all his mistakes? and apologize to them idk if this make sense and im sorry if this is so longg, thank you in advance stay safe! <3

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒙 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒅𝒂𝒅! 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔

𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕

Chris paced back and forth as he tried to call you for the 10th time. It was the next day, he was sober and the images from last night clouded his brain. Seeing the pain and anger on your face as he said he wish he never married you.

Seeing isabella crying from his disgusting words. That hurt him the most, he regret everything.

The phone went to voicemail again making Chris groan. You had every right to not talk to you, but he wanted to know you and isabella was okay. You were still his wife.

Chris sighed sitting down on the couch. He rubbed his eyes with his palm, exhaling for the hundredth time.

The house phone on the table beside the couch rung causing Chris to quickly grab it. He thought it was you but no, it was your doctor.

"hi is this Mrs Evans?" Chris frowned, "uh no but this is Mr Evans." Chris said, he was deeply confused.

"oh well you tell Mrs Evans that have her next appointment date to check on the baby."

Chris stood up, he wasn't sure he heard right. "I'm sorry, the baby?"

The innocence lady on the other side of the phone phone gasped, "oh I'm sorry, you didn't know."

"no it's fine." Chris sighed softly, his heart picking up speed in his chest. "I'll tell her, thank you." He hung up the phone throwing it onto the couch. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He mumbled to himself. He really needed to find you and isabella.

*

You laid in the uncomfortable bed, isabella sleeping soundly beside you. It was around 8 in the morning and thoughts from yesterday filled your mind.

"I wish I never married you"

"Forget isabella, I don't care about her stupid play"

It hurt just knowing he thought those things. It took some time last night, but you managed to go to sleep around 3am. Now it was morning time, you were in a crappy hotel, and Chris was blowing up your phone like crazy.

You sighed pulling back the blanket. You walked to the bathroom. You looked in the mirror, your almost 3 month along bump was showing. You tore your eyes from it looking at your face. You were trying not to think about Chris in that moment.

"get it together y/n." You whispered to yourself.

"mommy." You looked back to the doorway seeing isabella. Her stuff bear was in her hands as she rubbed her sleepy eye with the other hand.

"good morning honey."

You walked over to her, "did you sleep good?" Isabella looked up at you. "Yeah, I slept great." You laughed, "that's great. Uh do you wanna go get some breakfast? We can eat some pancakes and waffles, what you say bug?"

Isabella started to think, it was almost like you can see the wheels turning in her head. "Uhh yeah. Can we see daddy too?"

Your stomach did a flip, you didn't think she'll be okay with what he said about her, but She was 6 so maybe that was the reason.

"umm... Yeah, yeah. We can see daddy." Isabella smiled, "okay, I watch TV now." She walked back over to the bed, hopping in it. You exhaled, running your hands over your face. Here goes nothing you thought to yourself.

*

Chris phone ringing interrupting him from his daze. He picked it up seeing your contact. His heart picked up as he answered it.

"y/n, are you okay?" On the other side of the phone you sighed, "yeah, I'm fine. Look um isabella want see you so can you meet us at the diner at (some street name)?"

Chris nodded even though you couldn't see him. "Yeah, of course." He walked to the foyer to put on his shoes. "Umm, I love you." Chris said. He wasn't expecting you to say it back, but you did. When you did, his heart skipped and a smile formed on his face.

You hung up the phone. You let out a sigh once again. Here goes nothing.

*

You sat in the diner, isabella beside you coloring in the booklet they gave her. You both were waiting for Chris to come.

Your mind was filled, you couldn't even figure out what you were thinking about at all at this point.

After waiting a few more minutes, you heard the diner door open. In walked Chris. In his hands was a bouquet of flowers and stuffed animal. You were guessing it was his apologize.

He walked over to you both, just like yours, his heart was beating pretty hard in his chest.

"hey." Chris smiled shyly at you as you got up. "Hi." You tore your eyes from his, looking down at isabella. She was looking up at her daddy with a soft smile on her face. Chris kneeled down to her height. "Hi baby." He said to her softly. "I'm sorry for yesterday, I didn't mean any of it, I promise. Can you forgive me?"

isabella's small smile grew to a bigger one. "Yeah." Chris smiled at her. "Okay, give me a hug."

Isabella giggled as she Wrapped her arms around his neck. Chris hugged her close. He felt relived she forgave him, he felt so bad for saying what he said to her and he's going to spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

He pulled away from her, he handed the stuffed animal to her before standing back up.

He looked back at you. "Uh these are for you. It's not an apology, I'll give you a sincere apology later, but for now I have these." He looked at you, he had bags under his eyes from his sleepless night, and tear streaks on his cheeks from the crying he did.

you quickly tore your eyes from His taking the flowers. "Thanks." You cleared your throat. "Uh shall we have breakfast?"

Chris inhaled, "yeah." He walked over to the opposite side of the table and took a seat. You did the same sitting back beside isabella. You all ordered trying to forget about the tension that was very much between you and Chris. It was nice that you both were talking, but you just couldn't wait for the much needed talk later that night.

*

It was around 8 pm. You and Chris decided to drop her off at his mom's house. You didn't want what happened the day before to happen again.

You sat on the couch fiddling with your shirt end. Chris was in the kitchen getting you both something to drink before you talked.

"so um.. I got you some water." Chris said walking over to you handing you the glass of water. You thanked him Taking a sip before placing it on the coffee table. Chris sat beside you with a sigh.

"I.. I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean any of it. It just slipped out because I was drunk and tired, I wasn't in my right head space in the moment and I took out on you and Bella and I'm sorry." He breathed out. He scanned your face waiting for you to speak. You shook your head, you didn't look at him but you spoke.

"yeah you're sorry, but you really hurt me. I wish I was never, that's fucked up and it hurts so much. If you never wanted to marry me why did you?"

You turned to Chris, tears threatening to spill over. The look on your face hurted Chris, he fucked up big time and he knew it.

"no, I didn't mean that, I swear. I love you more than anything. I don't regret marrying you, it was just a stupid mistake... I'm sorry baby."

Tears were starting to form in chris' eye. He felt guilty, he knew no amount of words could fix what he done but he was sorry more than anything.

"you promise?" You looked at him. Your lips were trembling Because of your crying.

"I promise." Chris said. He cupped your cheek with his hand. He placed a light kiss on your nose, but it wasn't enough for you. You went way too long without kissing him, you weren't going to waste another second not.

You grabbed his chin kissing him. Somehow his chap lips felt soft. They felt like home to you, you missed them so much.

You pulled away looking back at Chris. "I have something I need to tell you." You said fiddling with his hands.

"I'm pregnant."

Chris gave you a sour look, you already knew why. "You know?" Chris nodded, "the doctor called. they have an appointment for you, they want you to call them back to tell you."

You exhaled, "well... Surprise." You laughed making Chris smile. He missed that sound. He's been gone for so many nights he totally forgot how it sounded.

"can I come to the next appointment?" Chris pouted his lip making you laugh. "Of course you can. You need to your little peanut. I'm thinking it's a boy"

Chris frowned, "no I'm pretty sure it's a girl."

"you haven't seen them yet." You said to him Rolling your eyes playfully. "I know but I want another princess."

"touche."

--

It's not that good but thank you for reading. I had fun breaking y'all hurts on the first part lol

@chris-butt @patzammit @bval-1 @raveviolet @mrsbbarnesrogers-reading @enn-j @london-dreamer71 @harrysthiccthighss @captianamerica-is-bae @la-cey @weirdowithnobeardo @baby-i-am-fireproof @denisemarieangelina @evans713 @smyfmj @thereisa8ella @rororo06 @keiva1000 @ughitsnic @adriannajackson123 @marvelnaturalock @notyourtypicalrose @dummiesshort @onetwo3000 @hhiggs @katiew1973 @andreasworlsboring101 @skepticnovak @funfickgirl22 @hxnesthxneybee @christhickevans @melchills-j @franchesca-791 @moonlacebeam @wallowsgirl14 @areamir

@thevelvetseries @chaoticfiretaconerd @chrisevansgirl34 @a-moment-captured @shookbeech @pamelalur15 @llamaproblem @jessyballet @hazeljean2 @ohbarracuda @mrspeacem1nusone @n3ssm0nique @youthought-iwasa-nicegirl @chrisevanisliterallysir @beautiful--blessing @coldmuffinpartycloud @mylittlecrazyworldofinterest @writingmeow29 @corrinez

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Touch to Comfort |Dazai x reader|

Touch to comfort. |Dazai x traumatized reader|

Warnings- implied past abuse (not from dazai).

The moon shimmered through the open curtains. It was rare to have a night like this. Normally the night was consumed with lonely sleep. One of you, always away. Whether it be on investigations or running from something, one of you was usually missing. On the rare nights where the two of you were alone in the small apartment, you held your bodies close. His slender, delicate hands clasped around your waist as your head pressed against his chest. His chin lightly rested against the top of your head. Sometimes you’d play a movie, or just listen to music. Others, you stayed still basking in the other's attention. It was rare for either of you to leave the attention of the other.

Today was one of the few days the two of you were home together. He seemed frustrated and pissed. His face showed nothing but the way he carried himself, reminded you of the Dazai you did not miss. You had heard the news, and were in fact not expecting your boyfriend to be home tonight. Considering everything the agency was going through. The demon, known as Fyodor, was causing quite the commotion and trouble for Dazai. They most likely rival each other's intelligence, this could explain the sour mood Dazai walked in with. His fingers roughly shoved off his shoes. His eyes not once paying mind to you. He whispered no welcomes, gave you no attention.

It made you slightly insecure. Whenever he was home he would race to see you, to bask in your attention. It had been nearly a month since you two had alone time. Due to the dangers of his work, it had been just as long without seeing one another. He was afraid of what Fyodor would do if he found out about your relationship. None of his other enemies scared him that way. He’d never known this frustration or fear before. You could tell he wasn’t in a mood to talk. His shoulders shrugged the coat off, letting it fall to the floor. Sighing you picked it up and placed it on the hook. Normally you'd scold him for the mess he left you to deal with. Tonight you let it be, afraid of upsetting him. His past self had always terrified you. You accepted it, but before this relationship had started there had been one single warning, one condition.

He was never to act like a mafioso in front of you. He was never to harm you or to scream at you. You had not told him why, but he’d smiled, kissed your lips, and held his hand out to make that promise. He had assured you no matter how mad he may get with work as a detective, he would never take the frustration out on you. It had been a promise, he’d kept it so far. There were times he came close but before his voice raised he always took a sharp breath, hung his head, and apologized for almost raising his voice. Even in the rare moments you fought, he never once screamed. He may have yelled a bit, but he never made you feel threatened. Even after those arguments, he spoiled you rotten from his guilt. He truly loved you as you loved him.

Walking into the room you couldn’t help notice he was pacing around. With your soft e/c hues you walked up to him. Your hand reached to cup his cheek. A small motion to comfort him. That was all it took, the startled motion of his hand seemingly slow in time. The back of his hand hitting yours. His eyes, deprived of emotion. His mouth opening, but not to apologize and soothe your skin, or plead for you to forgive the small action. He’d never lashed out before. Had the words from his mouth been a plea for forgiveness, it would have been alright. Your vision would not have unfocused and split to shield your mind; to protect you.

You caught nothing of what he said, only that his voice was loud, loud enough to pierce through your boundaries. Loud enough to make you flinch. Loud enough to inflict a scared whimper. Loud enough for you to back up, cradle your reddening palm to your chest, and sink. Loud enough for your hands to cover your ears. He wasn’t shouting anymore, he’d stopped as soon as he realized he’d screamed. He’d spoken 3 words, not right now. He’d screamed them at you. He’d broken that promise to you.

His mind was quick to clear as he took in how you looked. Defenseless and vulnerable… and he’d put you there. He’d put you into a panicking and terrified space. He’d hurt you. Naturally, he stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Your body was shaking, trembling as if you had been on the brink of life and death. “Belladonna?” he whispered but you lacked a response. Your ears are still covered by your hands.

He knelt in front of you. Reaching out, slowly his hands crept towards you. Your head flew up in seconds, body flinching away from his touch. Your eyes a haze as tears dripped down. His hands fell back to his sides as he looked away. They curled up, grasping the fabric of his pants as he blamed himself and cursed his own foolish actions. “I’m sorry.” when he heard you apologize he shot back to look into your eyes. It was as if he were looking into the water itself. Coated in such a thick fog, he doubted you were in reality anymore.

If it were possible, seeing this unworldly look in your eyes fed into his guilt. His hands once more reached yours. When you didn’t shy away, he gently moved them off your ears and held them in his. He leaned to your ear, so he could whisper as soft as his voice could. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you responded a little bit. The smallest movement of your hands. Aching to be held your body inched towards him. He released one of your hands, his now free hand, cupping your cheek as he continued to apologize.

Eventually, he brought you to a hug. Trying to soothe your breathing. It was like a switch being flipped. Your arms moved to wrap around him. You repositioned yourself before weeping into the crook of his neck. “Idiot.” you sniffled the only insult you could muster. He accepted it, no tease leaving his lips as his hand tangled in your hair.

“You’re perfect, you know that?” he whispered watching as you sniffled once more but a light chuckle left your lip. “It won’t happen again, I promise.” he wouldn’t let this kind of accident happen ever again.

You pulled back to leave a kiss' whisper on his lips. “It’s okay, it was an accident.'' Maybe you forgave too quickly, but love could do many things.

He lifted you and placed the two of you on the bed. Pulling your head to his chest, he yanked the covers over the two of you. “Let’s sleep.”

“I love you,” you whispered before letting your eyes fall closed.

“I love you more.”

[fruitcoops]

can we get a part 2 to caps panic attack? like an outside perspective (not caps) maybe loops or like a cub or something ?

Y'all thought I was lying when I said I'd have Alarm Bells 2: Electric Boogaloo out soon, didn't you? Please ignore the fact that it's been juuuust under four months since the original fic, and enjoy draft #4! This is the longest I've spent on one fic! SW credit goes, of course, to @lumosinlove <3

TW for mentioned panic attacks

The door closed with a dull thud. Choking silence fell over the entire room before a cold, brittle, furious voice asked, “what the hell was that?”

Arthur swallowed around the dryness of his mouth and shook his head.

“What the hell was that?” Remus repeated. His temper was rare—Arthur had never seen him truly angry, but the tic at the edge of his jaw told a different story.

“I’m sorry,” he managed as he picked his clipboard up off the floor. “To—to all of you, I’m sorry.”

“I respect you a lot, Coach,” Dumo said, cutting Remus off before he could continue. “But that was out of line. Tonight’s game was bad. We all know that, especially Cap. That doesn’t excuse putting the blame on one person or throwing things.”

“You’re right.” He swallowed again and looked around the rest of the locker room; every other player stared at the ground, avoiding his gaze. Bitterness tinged his teeth—he was acting like the coach he had always promised he wouldn’t be. “I’m disappointed in myself for tonight’s game, and I took it out on all of you. Pascal is right, that wasn’t fair. I hope you can accept my apology and forgive me for losing my temper like that.”

“We’re not the ones you need to ask, though, are we?” James said from his stall without sparing him a glance.

Arthur suppressed a wince. He had been so preoccupied with his frustration at himself that he didn’t even notice the growing tension in Sirius’ body, nor the way he began leaning away as Arthur ranted. The same mask of fear, false control, and misery had painted Sirius’ face as when his mother—god, he looked at Arthur like he looked at that horrible woman—came to forcibly trade him to the Snakes. “You all deserve an apology,” he corrected. “But you’re right.”

“Excuse me for a minute,” Remus muttered as he stood and headed toward the door. They watched him go without a word.

“How can I make this up to you?” Arthur asked.

Finn’s shoulders sagged. “Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.” A door down the hall creaked, and he prayed Sirius wasn’t suffering alone anymore.

“Apologize to Cap,” Dumo said.

“Absolutely.”

“Don’t—” Leo faltered, then pressed his lips together. “Don’t tell us we all share blame as a collective, then make Cap take the weight. That’s a shitty thing to do.”

Arthur’s throat tightened. “It is. I never should have done that to any of you.”

A few beats of quiet passed before Kuny raised his hand; Arthur nodded to him. “Don’t yell when angry, please. Very loud. We already know when you are upset.”

“I’m sorry, Evgeni. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Same as Kuny.”

“Can you give us specifics about what we did, next time?”

“Please don’t throw your clipboard.”

“I’ll stay another hour to go through tape, if that’s what it takes.”

“Try not to interrupt us, please.”

For the next five minutes, Arthur noted down every single suggestion he heard; several were followed by murmurs of agreement. “Anyone else?” he finally asked. The boys shook their heads. “Thank you for telling me. I promise I’ll do better in the future, and—”

The knock on the door was soft, but it echoed throughout the room and sent a bolt of nervousness through Arthur’s heart. Remus poked his head in a second later. “Coach, can we borrow you for a second?”

Arthur set his clipboard down and headed into the hall without hesitation.

Sirius…if he was being honest, Sirius was a wreck. His eyes were red-rimmed and his cheeks were pink; a tissue was crumpled into little more than atoms in his fist. Still, he kept his chin up. Arthur hated the idea that Sirius thought he needed to brace himself with faux confidence.

“I’m sorry.”

Sirius’ lower lip wobbled once. “Thank you.”

“You kept them going out there even when they were ready to give up. We didn’t win, but we kept playing because of your leadership. Thank you.” He received a curt nod in response and pointedly ignored the tremor in both of Sirius’ hands. “I took my frustration out on you, which was wrong for many reasons, the least of which being that you don’t deserve to be talked to like that. Sirius, I truly am sorry for everything that just happened in there.”

“Apology accepted,” Sirius said. His voice was rough, but steady. “The guys didn’t deserve that, either.”

“I know. I apologized to them as well.”

“Good.” He sniffled once, then held his hand out for Arthur to shake. “In that case, I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

Remus waited by the locker room door with an entirely neutral expression that would have unsettled Arthur if it didn’t melt into something soft and tired when he wrapped an arm around Sirius’ waist. “Ready?” he asked quietly.

The gentle buzz of conversation vanished as they entered again; Arthur sent them on their way with wishes for a good night’s sleep and a promise to talk more in the morning, and they trooped out in a tight group. As soon as the last of them disappeared down the hallway, he sat down in the nearest stall with a heavy sigh.

“That was impressive,” a voice remarked from the door. The bench creaked as Moody sat down next to him with a huff. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

“Figured. Cap forgave you?”

“Thankfully.” Arthur rubbed his eyes until he saw spots. “Christ, Alastor, I sent him into a panic attack.”

“Asking what you can do to be better was a good move for all of them. That’ll serve you well in the long run.”

“I’m just grateful Loops didn’t break my kneecaps,” he laughed humorlessly. He stared down at the clipboard and the notes crammed into the margins for a long moment. “How did I fuck up that badly?”

Moody shrugged. “You’re human. You got upset. Don’t do it again. While you were in the hall, they were all saying how you didn’t seem like yourself, so I’d take that as a sign you’re doing something right. Just pay attention next time, and take some deep breaths.”

“You sound like Molly.”

A heavy hand landed on the back of his shoulder and gave him a light shake. “She’s a smart woman. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure my candy jar isn’t empty again. You have a team of locusts, Weasley.”

Arthur smiled at his retreating back. “Yeah, but they’re our locusts. You know you love ‘em.”

Moody’s glare was nothing but fond.

[andvys]

Longing (part 5)

Warnings: little bit of angst, mentions of a shitty father, mentions of mental abuse, alcohol consumption, fluff

Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader

The following days you and Ellie were a little awkward around each other and your friends definitely picked up on that.

Ellie hurt you and you hurt her but that wasn’t the reason for your weird behavior towards each other. You would forgive each other everything, no matter how much you both would act like you hated one another.

You were currently sitting with Joel on his porch, enjoying a hot cup of coffee he made you. He always invited you to come over to just talk and you loved it, you loved spending time with him in general. Just sitting and talking to him behind the safe walls of Jackson or going out on patrols, killing infected and having each other’s backs, you knew you could always count on him no matter what and you hoped you gave him the same feeling. He truly was like a father to you.

You still haven’t talked about what happened after leaving Ellie’s place the other day, when you ran into him, with tears streaming down your face. After he managed to calm you down he asked what happened and you just told him about how you almost died that day because of the man that attacked you and that you were scared of dying and that’s why you broke down. That was obviously a lie you weren’t afraid to die and Joel knew that but he wasn’t going to pressure you into talking about it when you weren’t ready to talk. He always gave you as much time as you needed and waited for you to speak up about it yourself.

Taking a sip of your coffee you looked at Joel only to find him watching you already. He knew you wanted to talk about something.

“Can I tell you something?” You asked.

“Of course.” He gave you a smile, holding his own cup of coffee.

“My- my father was a horrible person and I’m afraid that I’m the same.” You said, looking down into your cup.

“Why would you think that, sweetheart.” He asked. He knew a few stories about your dad.

“He always made it clear how much he hated me and he always hurt me with his words and I swore to myself that I would never hurt someone like that but I did and now I can’t forgive myself for it.” Joel watched you, feeling bad that the person who was supposed to love you the most hurt you this way.

“People make mistakes (y/n), we say things we don’t mean and accidentally hurt people that we care about. If you were anything like your father you wouldn’t feel bad for having hurt someone.” He said, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“I hurt Ellie.” You said looking down you were ashamed, fearing that he would hate you now. Feeling tears build up in your eyes.

“I figured it had something to do with her.” He said. Looking up at him, he gave you a sympathetic smile.

“I- did she say something?”

“No she just talks to me when she absolutely has to but Jesse mentioned something about you and Ellie fighting.” He said.

“We got into a fight and she hurt me but she apologized the next day but I wasn’t ready and I said something hurtful.” You said, letting a tear fall.

“Did you mean it?” He asked.

Looking back at him “No! Not at all.”

“It’s okay kid, you were hurt because of whatever she said to you, your reaction was pretty normal. You can still make things right by apologizing and showing her that you care.” Joel said, looking at you.

“I apologized when we were on patrol together but I still feel like shit about it.” You said, wiping your tears away.

“It’s okay, kid. She knows she probably feels like that too because of your fight. Forgiving yourself is hard but when the other person forgave you than you can do it too.” He said. He was worried about you.

“Don’t beat yourself up (y/n).”

Nodding at his words, you gave him a small smile. “Thank you Joel, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Smiling at your words he pulled you into a hug.

“I care about you kid, I don’t want you to feel bad.” He said.

You almost started crying again at his words. No one ever told you that they care about you, well Ellie did but that was after she hurt you.

“I care about you too Joel, thank you for everything.” Hugging him back.

“Can I ask you something now?” Pulling away you looked at the older man.

“Of course.” Curious about what he wanted to ask you.

“Do you like Ellie?”

Getting shy at that you looked away. “I- Ellie and I aren’t exactly best friends but I do like her, I tried not to but I like her.”

Joel smiled at your words. He has seen the way you and Ellie interacted with each other, to everyone else it seemed like you just liked to annoy each other but he saw the longing looks on your faces whenever the other would look away. He hoped that you two would figure it out someday.

What both of you didn’t know was that Ellie heard the whole conversation, she was leaving her place when she heard you and Joel talk, she wanted to keep walking but then she heard you mention her name and she decided to listen out of curiosity what you were saying about her.

She thought you’d tell Joel about what she said to you but she was surprised when you spared him the details on all the horrible things she said instead you were talking down on yourself, feeling bad about hurting Ellie and then you even confessed that you liked her. She was definitely more than surprised at your confession, she was happy to hear you say that you liked her. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of you liking her back.

The next day you were all hanging out at Dina’s place, having a few drinks, you noticed Dina hasn’t even touched hers. Curiously looking at her you tried catching her attention without saying anything, not wanting to interrupt Ellie’s and Jesse’s conversation about video games but you noticed she was staring at Jesse. Smirking slightly you knew they’d probably gotten back to together already.

“I’m telling you Jesse my method is way better than yours.” Ellie stated.

“Alright, alright you’re right Ellie.” He put his hands up in surrender. “I’m always right.” Ellie said, smirking she took a sip of her drink.

Jesse groaned at her words, he sat down next to Dina throwing an arm around her shoulder, she leaned into him.

You and Ellie shared a look. “Whoa when did that happen again?” Ellie asked, laughing.

“A couple of days ago.” Dina said, smiling.

“Man you guys are so weird.” You said.

Ellie nodded at your words, winking at Jesse. She was right about them getting back together. Taking a sip of her drink.

“Enough about us how was patrol the other day guys?” Jesse asked.

Ellie immediately started coughing and you looked away, finding Dina’s living room pretty interesting all of the sudden.

Dina smirked at Jesse, both of them aware that something happened while you were on patrol. You and Ellie were always weird around each other but that was a different type of weird now.

“We found a gun store.” Ellie said awkwardly. Why did she have to mention the gun store, now you had to think about you both making out against the wall.

“Yeah... it was a nice gun store.” You said looking at Ellie, you noticed her cheeks were deep red.

“It was a nice gun store indeed.” Ellie agreed, staring at you.

Both Jesse and Dina watched your weird interaction, they both wanted to laugh at your embarrassed faces. Clearly something happened at the gun store.

The room suddenly felt too hot, taking off your hoodie you were left in a shirt, your hair was braided back that meant that everyone could see the marks on your neck that Ellie left when you were making out. You totally forgot about them.

Dina gasped making Jesse turned his head at his girlfriend to see what she’s looking at, noticing her eyes were on your neck his eyes widened at the obvious hickeys. Ellie looked at them weirdly, she looked back at you also seeing the marks now. She felt herself blush even more, remembering how she kissed down your neck.

“Umm wh- what are you guys staring at?” You asked nervously, rubbing your neck.

“What’s that on your neck (y/n)?” Dina asked, smirking at you. You looked over at Jesse to find him smirking as well and Ellie looking looking down at her drink with a blush on her face.

Realizing what she was referring to, you forgot that Ellie gave you hickeys. Feeling embarrassed now you avoided their eyes.

“Um- I- a bug bit me.” You said. Ellie laughed quietly at your ridiculous explanation. You sent a glare her way, making her shut up.

“A bug in the winter?” Jesse asked, smirking.

“Yeah, it was a special bug.” You said. Feeling so stupid right now.

Nodding his head at your words “does the special bug happen to go by the name of Ellie?” Jesse said, making Dina laugh.

Both you and Ellie sat there awkwardly not knowing how to react to their teasing. Ellie looked at you, you looked so embarrassed right now she felt bad for you. “Hey Dina, remember when I walked in on you sucki-“

“Whoa Ellie alright stop we got it.” Dina said, embarrassed. Jesse laughed beside her making her slap his chest.

You giggled, thankful that the attention was off you now, you send Ellie a small smile, her eyes lighting up at the smile that was directed at her.

“Anyone up for never have I ever?” Jesse asked.

“What are you 12?” Ellie asked.

“You’re never too old to play a drinking game Ellie.” Jesse said.

“I’m in, I wanna get drunk.” You said, Jesse happy about your answer he waited for Ellie’s answer.

Looking at Ellie, she agreed.

“What about you Dina?” You asked curiously, raising your eyebrows at her.

“Oh I’m still feeling a bit under the weather, I’ll pass.” She said.

“Alright anyways, never have I ever made out with a guy.” Jesse said

No one had to drink, well Dina but she wasn’t drinking. You all waited for someone to drink but everyone was just sitting there awkwardly. Ellie looked at you curiously, she knew you liked girls but she always wondered if you’ve ever made out with guys before.

“That was lame Jesse, Dina’s not drinking, you’re obviously straight and well we are gay.” You said. Ellie snapped her head towards you, nodding at your words.

“Yeah let me try again, never have I ever made out with a girl.” You and Ellie groaned at that making Jesse smirk, Dina laughed at you.

“What? You said you wanted to get drunk I’m just helping out.” Jesse said, smirking at you. Shaking your head, you took a sip of your drink.

“Alright never have I ever had a crush on the opposite sex.” You said laughing at Jesse, knowing he was the only one who has to drink.

He glared at you taking a sip.

“My turn never have I ever had sex in the woods.” Ellie said teasingly, making Dina and Jesse very uncomfortable. Jesse took another sip, giving Ellie a death glare.

You laughed, “how many times did you catch them doing the dirty?” You asked Ellie, grinning at her.

“Too many damn times.” Ellie said with a disgusted face.

Jesse chimed in “never have I ever made out at a gun store.” He said, smirking at you and Ellie. Dina laughed at the face you made.

You and Ellie both took a sip awkwardly.

“So Ellie was the bug?” Jesse asked teasingly

“No your mother was.” You said, making Ellie snort, she laughed at the face Jesse made.

Dina laughed at Jesse’s facial expression “I always knew your mother was gay Jesse.” You laughed at that.

“Ugh shut up guys.” Jesse groaned.

By the time you were done playing the stupid game all of you were drunk, well except for Dina and she was currently trying to get Jesse to go to bed.

“I’m gonna go home.” You slurred, getting up you tripped over your own feet making Ellie laugh she got up to catch you only for her to lose balance as well, you both fell backwards on the couch, landing on top of Ellie. You started giggling. She started laughing too. Looking down at her, you saw that she was already staring at you. “Hi.” You whispered.

“Hey.” Grinning at you.

“Whoah we leave you guys for five minutes and you already making babies.” Jesse slurred letting himself fall on the couch.

You quickly got off Ellie, sitting down next to her.

“We can’t make babies.” Ellie said.

“That’s what I said to Dina too and boom we got baby on the way.” Jesse said.

“What?!”

“Baby?”

Both you and Ellie said at the same time, snapping your head towards Jesse.

“Jesse!” Dina came back into the room having heard what he said.

“You’re pregnant?” You asked, standing up walking towards her

“Yes, I wanted to tell you guys but I was waiting for the right moment but yeah.” She said, putting a hand on her belly she smiled at you.

“Oh my god I’m gonna be an auntie.” You started crying, it was probably because you were drunk, babies usually didn’t excite you.

Ellie and Jesse started laughing at you.

“Aww (y/n) don’t cry. Come here.” Dina said opening her arms, you hugged her.

“Guess what (y/n)? Jesse said.

Pulling away from Dina you turned around looking at Jesse.

“Ellie’s gonna be an auntie too.” Wiggling his eyebrows at you, “our child is gonna have two gay aunts.” Jesse smirked at you.

“You mean two hot gay aunts.” You said grinning at him making Ellie blush.

“I’m gonna be a daddy, I mean I am one already.” He winked at Dina making her roll her eyes “but yeah you know what I’m talking about.”

Ellie looked at Jesse disgusted.

“Yeah I don’t know about that Jesse. The only daddy I see here in this room is me.” You said grinning at him making Ellie and Dina snort at that.

“Ellie get your girl.” Jesse said trying to get up, he fell back again, too drunk to get up by himself Dina went over to help him.

Ellie got up, putting her jacket on she gave yours too. Putting it on. You said your goodbyes to Dina and Jesse. Hugging them both, congratulating them on Dina’s pregnancy, Ellie watched you, smiling. She congratulated them as well.

Ellie opened the door for you letting you out first, she was about to go out when Jesse grabbed her arm making her look at him “have fun Ellie! And don’t make babies.” He said, smirking at her. She looked at him confused “how are we sup- you know what go to sleep dumbass.” She said before leaving.

Stepping out, she looked at you standing there admiring the snow falling, you looked so adorable right at this moment, she’d have to make a drawing of you based on this moment. But she noticed you looked a little sad all of the sudden. Must be the alcohol Ellie thought to herself.

“Come on (y/n), I’m gonna bring you home.”

“I don’t have a home.” You said, looking down.

“What do you mean (y/n)? Of course you do.” She said, not understanding what you were saying.

“I have a house but I don’t have a home.” You said, sad about having to go home into an empty house. You suddenly looked so small to her, with your guard down. You usually looked so tough and fierce, always ready for any situation but right now you were just a sad girl.

Understanding it more clearly now, feeling bad that you’re feeling this way.

“Do- do you maybe wanna come back with me? Just for tonight?” Ellie asked you, shyly.

Looking at her you noticed she was anxiously waiting for your answer. Blinking a couple of times you nodded your head.

Ellie smiled at you, offering her hand to you, you took it intertwining your fingers with hers you walked back to her place.

Arriving back at her place, she opened the door for you letting you go inside, following you she closed and locked the door, taking her jacket off. You took yours off as well.

“Umm I’m gonna give you something to wear so you don’t have to sleep in your clothes.” She said, grabbing something from her drawer.

You looked around, looking at the video games she had laying around. Grabbing one of them, you noticed it was the one Ellie and Jesse were having a discussion about earlier.

“Here.” Ellie gave you one of her shirts. It was an old band tee, you wondered where she got it from.

“Joel gave it to me a long time ago.” Ellie said, you smiled at that.

“I’m gonna change.” You said.

“Yeah sure.”

You went into the bathroom, getting out of your clothes you put Ellie’s shirt on. It was big and comfy, you’ve never seen her wear it.

Splashing your face with some cold water you looked at yourself in the mirror, you had a permanent scar on your forehead now from the incident at the old police station, it kind of pissed you off but it also made you look kind of badass.

Leaving the bathroom you saw Ellie putting a pillow on her couch.

“I’m taking the couch you know.” You said to her.

“Umm yeah no.” Ellie argued, sitting down so you wouldn’t.

“I’m not gonna take your bed while you sleep on the couch that is probably super uncomfortable.” You said walking towards her.

She looked you up and down, loving the way her shirt looked on you, looking at your legs, she licked her lips, you looked so cute and sexy at the same time. Ellie could get used to seeing you like this.

“I’m taking the couch.” You said, standing in front of her, you put your hands on your hips.

“No you won’t.” Ellie said, already laying down so you can’t.

You really didn’t want to take her bed while she was sleeping on the couch. You wouldn’t mind sleeping on the bed with her either.

“Alrighty then, make some space.” You said.

Ellie looked at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“If we can’t agree on who gets to sleep on the couch, we just have to share it then.” You said.

“Oh.” Ellie started smirking at that. If Ellie knew you’d be okay with sleeping with her she wouldn’t have put her pillow on the couch.

“Or we just share the bed?” Ellie suggested.

“Even better.” You said. Grabbing her pillow you put it back on the bed, sitting down on her bed you looked over at Ellie. She was getting out of her clothes, you looked away quickly not wanting to stare.

After she put on a shirt she turned off the lights, the room illuminated by the moonlight now. She walked over to the bed, laying down she got under the blanket, holding it open for you she looked at you noticing how shy you’ve gotten. “Well come on.” Laying down beside her, she put the blanket over you. You faced each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Scooting closer to her, you smiled at her, she smiled back. She moved your hair out of your face, running her thumb over your scar. Watching her, you tried to read her emotions.

“Ellie?” You whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” You asked, shyly.

Smiling at you “you don’t have to ask”

You smiled at her words, moving closer to her you kissed her lips softly, moving her lips against yours. Staying like this for enjoying the kiss. Running her hand down your back, she squeezed your butt lightly making you moan, she smirked into the kiss, moving her tongue into your mouth, she gripped your hips tightly, pushing you back she moved on top of you, making out with you softly, she ran her hand up and down your thigh. Pulling away from the kiss she started planting kisses on your neck, making you moan again. “Ellie.” You sighed softly.

Grabbing her face you smashed your lips back against hers, she smirked at your neediness. Moving her hand under your shirt she touched the soft skin on your hips. Enjoying the touch of her hands on your skin.

Your hands started roaming her body, you loved having her on top of you. You wish you could stay like this forever.

Pulling away from her after a while of making out, you were both breathless, Ellie smiled down on you. Getting off you she pulled you into her, hugging you tightly, you put your arm around her waist hugging her.

Looking up at her you noticed she was already staring back at you, you smiled softly at each other. Kissing her chin softly, her smile widened. Brushing your hair behind your ear she plants a kiss on your forehead. You kissed her lips softly, one last time before going back to hugging her. Feeling yourself getting tired, you whispered a good night to Ellie.

“Good night, babe.” Ellie stayed up for a while longer while you were sleeping in her arms. She looked down at you lovingly. She never thought she’d ever have you in her arms, kissing her and sleeping cuddled up to her but she was so happy in this moment, enjoying every second of it she hoped this wasn’t the last time.

[animeyanderelover]

Hello again! Can I have prompt 46 with Ash? Tnx

Recently I told my friend that I had a lot of requests about him and she laughed about it. She doesn't really like him, but she gives him credit since he looks good.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, extreme paranoia, isolation, desperation, mentions of kidnapping,overprotectiveness, mentions of self-harm, Stockholm syndrome

Prompt 46: "Can I...can I kiss you?"

It was nothing less than a miracle that someone like you existed, someone who was cleansed from all the sins of this world and the corruption of humans. You were radiating with everything Ash had wanted for this world, a world that he wanted to give to you. It was the minimum from what she should and would do for you, it was his duty as your very own guardian angel. A role he was utterly dedicated too, devoted to his very own angel who forgave him his sins every time.

It was true, you had forgiven him his crimes already a long time ago as everything around you had started to fade away and you had lost count of how long exactly you had been stuck in here. Somewhere around one and a half years would be your expectation, looking on how the seasons had changed through the large and closed windows which symbolized your loss of freedom. But you didn't mind anymore.

You only needed and wanted Ash, your guardian angel.

There was clear tension in his body, you could feel how he stiffened up under your embrace. He had never really received that sort of affection before from anyone nor would he have ever wanted it from all those worthless lives walking around freely. You were the only person he actually wanted any sort of touches from. That was how pure you were, even causing someone like him craving something and falling victim to his own desires. And it was his own fault for being so weak-minded. He didn't deserve you yet letting you perish outside would be an even greater sin. He had to keep you safe.

"My Queen...what are you doing?"

Being able to keep his composure was important in front of you, though he remembered to have failed multiple times in the past already. Severe punishment was the only thing he could think of to atone for his failures for not being good enough, for proving himself to be so incredibly useless. Even now he could feel some unhealed wounds aching a bit, but you didn't have to know about his weakness and incompetence.

You blinked slightly confused up at him when he asked you such an obvious question, but it soon turned into slight giggling that instantly plunged Ash's heart into painfully warm emotions and forced his eyes to get wet. It had taken a while until you had been able to look so happy after he had quickly rescued you from all the evil waiting to devour you. The distress he had felt back then could never be put in words and no burns, knifes and broken bones had been able to make up for what you had been suffering under. Even now it remained as a anxiety deeply stuck in his heart. But looking at you now, smiling at him and not staring with wide eyes filled with fear at him, was worth much more than his whole life could ever repay you.

"I’m hugging you. It’s just that you always look so worried and stressed over my safety and never appear to take a rest. Just now you did as well so I thought this might help you a bit. A strong hug can be more worth than thousand words after all. That’s what my mother told me at least when I was younger.”, you replied softly, pressing your face deeper into his chest with a content look on your face.

There was nothing Ash could think of for a few moments, instead he seared the scene in front of him deep into his brain, how you were currently buried into his chest, looking so happy and peaceful. So stunning and precious.

Tears were quick to escape his eyes only seconds later, his insides stirring up with warmth that stung him and yet baked him with something he hadn’t felt in so long. Comfort and peace.

This was exactly why he had to protect you with his very own life, no one was allowed to snuff out the light you carried inside of you and that was able to even share it’s warmth with him. You possessed too much kindness to understand, but normal humans only destroyed what they touched, ruining it with their greed.

He wouldn’t let them do the same to you.

He would kill everyone who would even do as much as getting too close.

He just had to guarantee that you would live.

But first of all he had to calm himself down or otherwise he might worry you even more than he seemed to have done already. The tears were quickly wiped away with his sleeves before Ash was able to look at you again, still feeling like he wanted to continue crying. His heart felt like it might burst at any moment.

“You have so much warmth and love inside of you that I don’t think I deserve any of it. You shouldn’t even be concerned about me, I merely do what I have to do as your guardian. If you were to fall victim to this damned place, I would perish as well. What use is an angel who can’t even protect their chosen one?”

Pain was twisting his voice and face a bit when he dared to imagine how a world without you would be, a world filled with grief and darkness for him. Letting his guard down would be a fatal mistake, he had seen the worst of this world and the humans and he knew that it would happen again. That was why he had to be like this for you were his heart beating outside his chest. If something were to ever happen to you...

The angel hadn't even noticed that he had already started crying again, fist tightened and body shaking whilst getting lost in fears of losing the one good and bright thing this world had still left.

"But for me you're more than just a guardian angel. You're my angel and I want you to feel happy as well. I want you to feel loved as well. You do so much for me, but I feel like I only cause you stress and uneasiness. Shouldn't you be happy because of me?", you asked him in slight protest, feeling sadness whilst seeing the man you had come to love like this again because of you. You had never seen him truly relaxed nor had you ever been able to show him your feelings. He wouldn't let you, not thinking that he deserved you.

His reaction was instant, suddenly falling on his knees upon hearing from what you had said that he had disappointed you yet again, the visible look of your sorrow only stabbing his fear deeper into his very soul.

"I-I am so sorry! I didn't know that you felt this way only because I was so selfish to only think about myself like this! I don't deserve your forgiveness and accept any sort of-"

When he felt the soft sensation of your hands cupping his stained cheeks, he abruptly stopped his rambling, trying to not choke on his own breath that had gotten irregular.

"You don't have to apologize to me. I don't want to hear you saying such things about yourself. Don't you understand? I am unhappy whenever you are like this, seeing yourself as so worthless and not deserving of my love. That's what hurts me so much. You're rejecting my feelings. I love you, Ash. And I want to know if you do too. Because if you do, please stop talking like this and behave so distantly."

Your voice conveyed every bit emotion that was going on inside of you in that moment, something that Ash noticed with widened eyes as well.

Silence was cut short by him when he realized that you wanted something crucial from him which he would gladly give you. He had never considered that you would ever consider his love as something you wanted, consider him as someone you loved. When had been the last time someone had been truly kind to him and loved him? He couldn't remember anymore.

"Of course I do. You should never doubt my feelings for you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. It's impossible to function without you.", he managed to reply with a shaking voice as he grabbed both of your hands in his own.

"Then why are you acting like this? Everyone deserves someone who loves them. Without love it's a very painful life, isn't it? That's why I am hurting as well. Let me love you and I promise that you'll be able to feel peace as well.", you muttered slightly embarrassed out, leaning your head down so your forehead could rest against his own.

Slight sobs were starting to catch up to Ash as he was staring in pure awe at you.

"Thank you. I'll be better and make sure that I won't cause you sadness anymore.", he pressed out, tightening his grip on your hands only the slightest bit so he wouldn't hurt you.

"I'm glad to hear that.", you replied with a sincere smile on your face, joy stirring your heart up just by seeing that for the first time since he had abducted you, Ash was looking relieved and less tense. He just looked extremely grateful.

"May I ask you for a favor then?", you requested with a certain idea in mind.

"I'll do anything for you.", Ash replied, sounding very emotional.

"I want to do something for you for once since you normally do anything for me."

Hesitation and clear dislike instantly shadowed his face, the thought of him asking something from you going against Ash's belief in all the wrong ways. You shouldn't have to do him favors.

"It doesn't have to be something difficult. It can be a really simple thing. Just...something that I can do for you this once. Please.", you begged slightly, seeing the angel already struggling. You knew how he felt about such things, he hated letting you do something for him and he had never done it before either. Ash saw it only upon himself to serve you which was another thing that sometimes made you feel guilty. You wanted to do more for him as well.

"Can I...can I kiss you?"

Maybe that had been more a slip of his tongue, but he had been slightly panicking since hadn't want to sadden you again nor had he wanted you to do physical work for him. It was supposed to be the other way around.

So when he had stared for a moment at your face, eyes locked on your lips, he had considered somewhere deep in his mind possibilities which he had been fantasizing about a few times before, but hadn't thought that they would actually have a change of happening.

In his opinion they were still sinful, it would take a while for him to get used to the idea that you wanted to receive physical affection and love from him. The first impulse when he realized what he had said was instantly apologizing, only to be interrupted before he could even start saying anything.

You had already leaned down to fulfill him his wish before he could take it back again.

[algumaideia]

Nico decided to not say a word and just remain looking to the horizon as Octavian got closer to where he was. Maybe if he ignored, the augur would go away. And if he didn't, Nico was curious to know how Octavian would threaten him.

However Octavian just sat at his side and stayed quiet. For some moments they both just appreciated the view of the camp. The silence was weird.

"You struggled a lot to put Hazel into the legion."

Nico became alert, this couldn't go well.

"It would be a pity if all that hard work was thrown to the wind by your sister past being revealed, wouldn't it?"

The grass around Nico started to die, he immediately held his sword. He wouldn't let Octavian threaten his sister this way. But before he could say anything Octavian giggled.

"You would do anything to protect your loved ones."

Nico didn't want to waste time with Octavian's bullshit.

"If you do anything to Hazel-"

"We are very similar, you know?" Octavian turns to Nico and smiles softly "I don't like it. This is actually pretty bad."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Octavian stood up.

"If I was you I would reflect about what that means, doing anything for your loved ones. What that means to you, to your future. Just think, do you really want to go into that path?"

And with that Octavian went away without letting Nico answer or understand the conversation.

...

Throughout the months that followed whenever Nico thought about that conversation it always seemed like a dream. It was so weird that it happened on real life.

But he understood now.

With Octavian's words on his mind Nico threw the food in the hole he dug. It wasn't that difficult to discover the augur's favorite dish. Reyna wasn't very open, but she had been talking a lot about Octavian. Not the way she felt about the situation though.

The thoughts about Reyna made Nico feel guilty. The fact he didn't tell her and wouldn't allow her to see Octavian made him feel worse. However he needed to do that alone.

Nico started saying the words of the spell in Greek. He was all sweaty, the last time he summoned a ghost it ended up really bad.

When Octavian's ghost appeared, Nico wasn't even a bit calmer. He tensed up more, anticipating angry screams, nasty acusations, sarcasm, despite, hatred, disgust. However Octavian just starred him, emotionless.

Somehow this was worst. The silent felt judmental to Nico. Hitting on his face what he had done, what he let happen. He didn't know how to apologize, how to deal with the suffocating guilty. So he also stayed quiet. Feeling worse at each minute of quietude.

Then Octavian spoke:

"So, why did you bring me here?"

Octavian's tone of voice wasn't mean as Nico expected, but just bored.

"I killed Bryce."

Octavian expression didn't change. Nico looked away.

"He... he was threatening Reyna." He didn't remember what happened very well, but it was so hard anyway "He said he would tell everyone about her father and that would kill her."

"I didn't ask him to do that"

Octavian's voice sounded surprised and kind of angry.

"I know. I didn't at first, but Reyna convinced me and-"

"So she knows."

The way Octavian sounded relief hurt Nico.

"Yeah." Nico's breathing was getting faster "I just exploded. I made Bryce become a ghost without memories and voice and sent him straight to the Underworld."

Nico looked to Octavian's eyes.

"And then I let you die. I know it is wrong of my part to come here and ask your help after what I did to you. But I don't know where else I should go. After the battle what to said to me kept coming back to my mind again and again. And you said I should reflect about this path, about my choices"

Nico's hand was shaking. He was about to cry.

"But how can I stop it? What should I do to don't go there again? What should I do to-"

"To not end up like me?"

Octavian opened a sad and sarcastic smile.

"Maybe you should forgive yourself. I forgave you, a long time ago actually. I know this sound stupid, but guilty it can eat you. But to be honest, I don't know. I have no idea how to get away with this sort of thing, how to make sure you'll not do this sort of thing again. But I think you can do it. You have the support I never had. And you didn't do the things I did to have some minimum respect."

Octavian looked to sky, with a thoughtful expression.

"It is very hard to run away from it. It always seemed impossible to me. And I know this sounds very stupid, but just don't let it consume you, okay? This thing that makes you do all those crazy things. Don't let it take control."

And then Octavian disappeared.