#(had this in my draft back in november and I managed to finish this)

[bitchinbarzal]

What you left behind | A Fantilli

based on this ask

-

You’d heard them talking about you at the Hobey award ceremony.

“I feel bad acting like everything’s ok! Y/N has no idea”

“Adam should’ve told her before she flew all the way out here”

“I can’t believe he’s breaking up with her”

Your heart dropped and you walked away before you heard anymore. You sat throughout the whole ceremony with a wary smile.

By the end of it you had excused yourself on account of not feeling well. You were so ill and knew fine well why but now this was making you feel worse.

When Adam did return to your hotel room that night, bustling around while you faced the wall in the darkness you were deciding if you wanted to address the situation or not.

It wasn’t until he got into bed that you spoke

“I know you want to break up with me”

Adam sighed and turned on the bedside light “Babe it’s not you-“

“Do not say it’s not you, it’s me! God, Adam I thought we were better than this!”

“I don’t want to hold you down while I’m away!”

You were now stood up from the bed “You want to go to Columbus! It’s like four hours from Ann Arbor!”

He groans “I could end up literally anywhere and I don’t, I don’t want to drag this relationship with me while I’m starting off in the NHL!”

You gasp lowly “You think this relationship is a drag? Adam there’s something-“

You were crying now, getting yourself upset thinking about how your entire world was crumbling around you.

“Listen let’s just call it ok? You’re clearly getting upset and-“

You laugh ironically “I am getting upset because my boyfriend is breaking up with me and I’m trying to tell him I’m p-“

“I get it, you’re pissed but I think this is for the best I’m going to stay in Luca’s room for the night” Adam finishes, almost infuriating you as he picks up his hoodie and phone before kissing your forehead and leaving the room.

When the door clicked shut you sat down on the bed and let out a shaky breath and placed your hand over your belly “It’s just me and you kid, eh?”

You were packed up and gone before Adam got back to the room the next morning, leaving him feeling somewhat disappointed.

He had tried to call but you’d blocked his number. Eventually he gave in and stop trying to contact you to apologize for how it all went down.

You on the other hand were too busy in the summer break preparing for the baby’s arrival in november.

It felt weird being home all summer. Typically you’d be spending your time split between vacations, lake houses and this year was supposed to be spent by Adam’s side as he was drafted.

Now you were knee deep in baby sleep suits, stuffed animals and diapers all needing to be organized into boxes.

The summer was hard, you’d been contemplating not going back to college now you would ultimately be single parenting and how difficult that was going to be.

It had taken a lot of thinking but you knew you couldn’t give up on school, not now you were all your daughter had.

The new school year looked a lot different. You’d moved out of dorms with your best friend and into your own apartment, you’d dropped out of your position as social admin of the hockey and lacrosse teams and even changed some of your classes to better align with better paid positions post graduate.

It only took the boys a day to notice your absence from the team.

“Where’s y/n? There’s no way she left us because Adam broke up with her!” Dylan whined as the team got changed after their first practice.

Luca just shrugged “I haven’t seen her, I don’t even know if she’s back this year”

“She wasn’t in our sports management class this morning” Mark adds “And her best friend has a new roommate”

Luca then became a little concerned. He’d gone from seeing you all day, everyday to not even knowing where you were.

That was until that evening at Tony’s, the pizza place you, Adam and Luca would go every Tuesday. It seemed as though you guys were keeping to the tradition as you both stood in line to order your pizza.

“Y/N?” You froze hearing his voice, slowly turning around with a coy smile

“Hey Luca” You reply sweetly, not missing how his eyes were now glued on your now seven month pregnant belly.

“Hey so-“

“You’re pregnant?”

You tut “Yeah it looks like it” you joke “so don’t judge when I tank a whole pizza alone I’m technically eating for two”

He softly laughs before he asks “Is it Adam’s?”

You can’t hide it and you know it so you nod “Yeah, it is”

You expect Luca to yell at you but he doesn’t. Instead he grumbles “and you didn’t tell him?!”

His anger takes you back a little and you sigh sadly “I tried Luca”

“Not very hard!”

The tears started the gather in your eyes as you thought back to that night you and Adam broke up and you tried to tell him about your little baby girl.

“Luca You don’t know anything ok? I tried to tell him but he was too busy breaking up with me! You know what Lu, pretend this interaction never happened!” You scoffed, taking off out of the restaurant.

Only five minutes after you got in your apartment the doorbell rang and you waddled to the front door, very unamused and hungry.

On the other side of the door stood Luca holding your order from Tony’s.

“I’ve got pizza?” He smiled and you gestured him in.

The two of you ate the pizza and garlic knots in silence until Luca asked

“Is It a boy or girl?”

You wiped your hands with a napkin before you said “A little girl”

He smiles “and you’re due?”

“November, middle of November”

He nods before he reaches across the table to squeeze your hand “I’m really sorry you’ve done this alone, but I’m sure Adam would want to know he has a daughter”

You retracted your hand from his and scoffed “He didn’t want to be ‘held down’ Luca! His words! So no, I’m not telling him because when I tried, he shut me down so this is his loss!”

Luca wanted to fight you, to stick up for his little brother but he knew better so he gave in. He knew which battle he wanted to pick

“Can I… can I be in her life? She is my niece after all I want to be in her life”

You softened “Of course you can Luca, you can be as involved with her as you want as long as you don’t tell your brother”

Luca reluctantly agrees and so he begins a part in this secret.

Over the following weeks he spent nights over at your house, helped you set up the nursery and was helping you study in your new classes.

He’d slowly stopped speaking to Adam as the secret was getting harder to keep and Adam had noticed.

When Luca didn’t go to Columbus with the rest of his family for Adam’s birthday, Adam knew something was wrong.

So when I’m November the blue jackets played Detroit, Adam, Nick and Kent took the trip to Ann Arbor to watch their old team play.

You wouldn’t have gone to the game that night had you known he would be there but it was too late. You saw him in the crowd. You’d been sitting in a seat, wearing Luca’s jersey so nobody else on the team could see your bump when you spotted Kent closely followed by Adam.

After that you made a mad dash out of Yost, but not before Adam saw you.

He watched you leave, watched you walk out and never said a thing. He had conflicted feelings about seeing you again. He knew it was a possibility but he didn’t know for sure not after his friends told him you’d basically distanced yourself so far from the team, what caught his eye though was his brothers name and number on the back of your jersey.

After the game Adam found his brother outside the locker room

Luca looked surprised to see him, looking around cautiously for someone else by the looks of it “Adam, what’re you doing here?”

“Dropping by to see the team, what’s wrong? You seem on edge? Looking for someone?” Adam wasn’t sly with his questions.

“No I just-“

“Not my ex girlfriend? Not Y/N? Who left by the way”

Luca looked panicked “you saw her?!”

“Yeah i saw her leaving, wearing your jersey! Dude are you fucking y/n? How could-“

Luca scoffs “I’m not fucking her!”

“Well what’s going on? You haven’t come to visit, we hardly talk, she’s walking around here in your jersey and you seem really agitated about her right now so cmon dude spill it! I’d rather you just told me straight but I’m gonna be mad you know I’m still in love with her!!”

Before Luca can even defend himself and you, his phone starts ringing. It’s you.

As soon as he picks up the phone he can hear you crying “what’s going on? Talk me y/n”

That peaks Adam’s interest.

“I fell Luca! I fell and I need to go to the hospital I’m bleeding-“

“I’m coming, I’m coming just hang in there you guys are gonna be ok is the ambulance there? Ok just go and I’ll meet you at the hospital”

Adam is traipsing behind him still demanding answers when Luca shouts “Just get in the car Adam! I don’t have time to deal with you right now”

Adam can feel Luca’s stress and it’s confusing him, a lot.

When they arrive at the hospital he finally asks “Why are we here? What is going on? Who’s hurt?”

Luca sighs, pinching his nose and just praying you’ll understand why he did it

“Y/N is pregnant” he states as if it was the simplest thing while Adam’s entire world just exploded.

He was still in love with you and you were having a baby.

“Is It yours?” Adam asked “Because if it is I’m gonna let you call mom before I fucking kill-“

Luca holds his hand up to his little brother “The baby is yours”

Adam is going through every emotion possible at the moment, stuttering out “Why didn’t you tell me? She didn’t-“

“She tried Adam, the day you broke up with her”

He feels horrible, he feels heartbroken.

“And Why are we at the hospital? Do we need to go in? Is she ok?”

“She said there’s been bleeding, that she fell after the game. That could be bad Adam so just don’t go in there guns blazing when she could have lost her baby”

Adam’s heart breaks even further for his baby; who’s existence he’s only known of for a minute who might now be dead.

The brothers make their way up to the ward and ask for you to which the nurse smiles sympathetically “It’s family only, sorry boys”

Luca hurries “He’s the babies dad, she’s pregnant-“

“Actually, miss y/l/n had a turn in the ambulance after she was picked up by paramedics and she is no longer pregnant” Adam and Luca both gasped lowly, heartbroken when the nurse continued “She delivered her babygirl in the ambulance on route here. Congratulations dad, head on down its room 103”

The two shared glances before Luca patted his little brother on the back “You’re a dad, man!”

“I’m a dad…” he repeats, almost in disbelief.

When Adam got to your room and walked in you were laying in the hospital bed holding your little girl in your arms mumbling something to her. When you looked up and saw Adam the smile on your face dropped

“What’re you-“

“Is she ok? Are you ok?” He interrupted, walking over to you both.

You looked surprised “Luca told you?”

He nods “the cliff notes, we were in a rush”

You nodded understandingly “She’s perfect, all eight pounds of perfection”

You watch Adam step closer and closer to you both when you say “Adam, do you want to hold her?”

He nods, sitting down in the chair next to your bed and taking her into his arms. You watch them as Adam whispers sweet words to her.

“Hi babygirl, I’m your daddy”

When he finally puts her in her bassinet, Adam turns to you “I’m so sorry you went through this all alone, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you that night and I’m sorry I just abandoned us… I regret it everyday”

You smile softly “Do you miss me?” It was a lighthearted jab but Adam grabs your hands, seriously and says “So much, everyday I’ve thought about what an idiot I was to let you go. The love of my life”

“Adam you really broke my heart, I’m not sure how I would’ve survived if it wasn’t for her” you say gesturing to the baby asleep next to you.

He squeezes your hands “I know and I can only apologise and beg you to understand I acted on stupid judgement. We could always make long distance work and you have never held me down ever, you make me a better person y/n, I guess now you both do”

Eventually around eleven your nurse manages to sneak Luca into your room. He fully expected you two at each others throats when he entered but instead he found you both sitting on your bed holding your daughter in your hands just adoring her.

“Hey guys, she’s beautiful y/n congratulations”

You smile “thanks uncle Lu”

“So what’s princess called?”

Adam looks at you to tell him and you take pleasure when you say “This is Lucia, her name is inspired by our role model. Both of us”

Luca crouches down by Lucia’s sleeping body and brushes his thumb over her cheek “Hi Lu, I’m your uncle Luca. I love You so much already and I don’t even know you yet”

Your head absentmindedly rested on Adams’s shoulder and he kissed the crown of your head and mumbled “My girls, my whole world”

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[pastafossa]

The last day of 2023.

And holy shit has it been a chaotic ride, one which you all shared with me, or that's what it feels like!

The Major Moments:

Feb: Cato's cancer diagnosis and discovery of weird mutated cells that likely won't be explained until after he passes away. He's still with me, fortunately! No idea how much time he has left but I'm grateful for every second

April: a small leak in my dining room ceiling turned into a bigger leak which turned into a massive hole in the ceiling, at least it wasn't winter???

May: DD Born Again Photos give us all a goddamn heart attack

May: I FUCKING REACH MY OVERALL 1,000,000 WORD COUNT ON AO3. 🎊 🎉 🎊 Next stop is 1mill for TRT!

June: Went to my first con since Covid! Drove all the way down to Philly to see Charlie Cox, WHICH WAS FUCKING AMAZING, HE HELD THE RED THREAD FOR OUR PHOTO, MY FANFIC DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE, AND I TOLD HIM WHAT DD MEANS TO ME AND HE WAS SO NICE I COULD CRY

June: At that same con, I finally FINALLY got to meet my bff @wonderlandmind4 in person after many many many late nights of chatting, and we just CLICKED like we'd been friends for years, which I should have expected, but still! And then I got to meet a bunch of my readers, too! Best con experience EVER

July: enter Whoops Covid Finally Got Me After 3 Years But Charlie Was Worth It ™

July: Finally dusted off my draft of Pasta's First Dark Fic cause even if my brain was too fuzzy to write, I figured I could edit a bit. And I did! And was pretty happy with the results!

August: Shit Now There's A Long Covid Heart Issue And I Can't Be Seen Until Late November Thanks Covid ®

August: leak in the garage leads to me losing about 65% of all the beautiful, special woods pieces I'd gathered over the course of six years for carving. Within a week I am gifted a huge bin of wood from a kind soul at my local witchy shop

Sept: TRT's 6th anniversary!

Nov: I was slowly getting back into the swing of things, doing a bit of writing in between learning to manage whatever was going on with my heart (which we'll hopefully figure out in January when I get all the results of testing in Jan)

Early Dec, and the worst week of my life: mom got sick. Within one day she went from not feeling good to needing an ambulance. By the next day, she was in the ICU - flu induced double pneumonia that was interfering with her breathing and heart issues. And with one more day, she was put into an induced coma and ventilated, without any of us sure if she'd pull through. They told us she'd likely be under for two weeks, potentially longer even if she made it. The amount of messages and supportive comments I got from all of you, the talks I had with @wonderlandmind4 and @shouldbestudying41, just the general sense of having a community to help me means more than I can ever say as you all helped me through that terrible, horrible moment, even if it was just gently messaging me to remind me to try to eat.

Mid Dec: against ALL odds, Mom was off the ventilator in a week. By week 2, she was out of the ICU. By week 3? Off to the physical rehab center. She was there a grand total of 1 week before she was allowed to come home to finish her recovery. Early December was the worst moment of my life, and yet it was also bookended by the best Christmas of my life even if it was spent at the rehab center, because I got to have my mama back, and hug her and tell her I loved her and make jokes, and now she's home and we've been watching Christmas movies and eating grilled cheeses, and as far as I'm concerned, that's what the holiday is to me: not presents and snow and lights, but this moment, this time with her. 'In all the places you find love, it feels like Christmas.'

In just a few hours for me, it'll be 2024. I have no idea what to expect going forward, or even what to plan for, much less a resolution. I know I want to get back to TRT when mom's a bit better (she still needs a lot of help, understandably). I know there are wood carvings I want make; friends I want to visit; witchy events at my local shop I want to go to. But other than that... who knows? If I'm lucky, things will be calmer than this past year. But even if they aren't, at least I know I have dear friends, all of you, and my family, including Pasta Mama, to help me through it.

Goodbye, 2023. Hello, 2024.

[the-wip-project]

SloMo WriNo: Q & A

A few questions about how the SloMo WriNo challenge have come in, so here's the answers to a few of the easy ones. (Don't worry, more complicated questions will be getting their own posts!)

When does it start? The official start date is November 1st.

However this challenge is about you finding your own long term writing rhythm. So if there’s some reason why you can’t begin for a week, a month, or even until next year, that’s fine. Feel free to jump in at any time, and even if you feel like you can’t ‘officially’ start your novel just yet, perhaps you can still begin trying out writing in a SloMo way. You may find yourself easing into things anyway!

Is this plan/event supposed to be just for novels?

Definitely not! I’ve had one person express their intention to write a series of novellas, another to do a second draft, and others plan on writing fanfiction. It’s for whatever you want to write but have been struggling with.

Do those min/max brackets apply for everything one would write in the year? Ideally yes! At least when it comes to writing you’re doing for your own self. (Writing for work and school obviously need to get done at whatever pace you’re required to do them!) The goal here is to establish writing as a long term sustainable habit. Now as time goes on you will probably want to tweak your minimum and maximum word counts, as you get more familiar with your own process. Please go ahead and do that, and then keep on writing within that adjusted ideal zone.

I’m kinda burned out. Should I even try to attempt this? That’s a tough one, and really something you need to answer for yourself based on your current situation and emotional state. If you do decide to attempt the challenge, I recommend keeping your goal word counts (at least initally) at a level that feels ‘too easy’ and taking at least two days each week off writing. If it starts feeling like too much, dial it back even further, or take some time off. This challenge will be going on all year, so you can hop in and out whenever you need to. No guilt needed!

Who are you and why are you claiming to be an expert on this stuff anyway? Actually no one has been so mean as to say that, but there’s been a little confusion about who I am and why I’m posting here. My name is Maree, and Barbex (the one who actually runs this blog) was kind enough to help me out with this challenge and let me post on the WIP blog and the WIP discord. (you can find my own blog at mareebrittenford.)

I completed my first novel in 2015, and since then I’ve written 8 novels, as well as assorted shorter stories and a few (okay maybe more than a few) fanfics. I have managed to publish 4 of the novels and a few short stories have made their way into magazines and anthologies. Now I don’t claim to be a great writer, but the one thing I’m confident of is that I’ve become very good at is Finishing My Stuff. (And finishing stuff with ADHD is a very special skill!)

I created this challenge to share all my tips and tricks, and hopefully help other people also Finish Their Stuff.

If you have any other questions about the challenge (or for me personally) you can reblog with comments, send an ask, or hop onto the WIP discord

[consanguinitatum]

David Tennant's Obscure Performances: His Involvement with Read Not Dead (pt 4) - The Insatiate Countess

And here, my friends, is the fulfillment of my promise - the last of the four threads about David Tennant and his involvement with the Read Not Dead (heretofore called RND) project at Shakespeare's Globe. This will concern the second of the two unattributed plays David did for RND and is the last of the two never-before-talked-about-in-the-fandom plays he did with them. If you feel like you need to catch up on the first three parts and understand a little bit of the history behind the Read Not Dead project before continuing with this one, go here for the first part about Edward III, here for the second part about The Fleer, and here for the third part about What You Will. Then come on back!

With all those links out of the way, we can continue with the last of the four plays - and the second one which I believe new to the David Tennant fandom.

When we last left our intrepid Scots thespian David T., he'd just wrapped up a staged reading of John Marston's What You Will for the RND. He had managed to fit the reading in between the April-May 2002 and the July-August 2002 runs of his then-current hit play, Lobby Hero.

Between then and November of 2002 (the next time he stepped on the Bear Gardens stage to do another RND staged reading) David had been seen on a number of other projects. In 2002 alone he'd been featured on an episode of Foyle's War and in the short film Nine And 1/2 Minutes by Josh Appignanesi. Lobby Hero had got him noticed; his star was on the rise. He was getting busier (and he'd get busier still when his next two plays, 2003's The Pillowman and 2005's Look Back In Anger, as well as his seminal role as Peter Carlisle in 2004's Blackpool, would catapult him into the public consciousness.) And - of course! - Doctor Who was also barreling down the pipe. But all that was still in his future.

David Tennant in (clockwise from top left): Foyle's War, Nine And 1/2 Minutes, The Pillowman, and Look Back in Anger

No, for right now it is Sunday, 10 November 2002, and we're along for the ride as David arrives at the Globe for the morning's balls to the wall rehearsal of the Tony Bell-directed John Marston play, The Insatiate Countess, before getting on stage at the Bear Gardens Theatre. We don't know whether David signed up for this one (or any of them, for that matter)! If so, he received his script a few days before, but if he was drafted at the last minute he would've received his script only hours before taking the stage that afternoon! Either way, he was surely up for it.

In the previous thread on What You Will I spoke about playwright John Marston. But this play - The Insatiate Countess - is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Marston started writing the tragicomedy in 1608 and had the first act and part of the second written before - oops! - he was thrown in jail. Following Marston's imprisonment, the play languished for a while, and when Marston was released and took holy orders he wanted NO part of finishing it. Two other writers took it upon themselves to finish the draft: actor William Barksted, and Lewis Machin. This multi-authored approach caused significant issues - the other authors juggled the names of the characters, for one - and suffice to say, it really isn't a "finished" play in the way we'd envision the meaning of the term. It finally got published in 1613.

Scholars have had a lot to say about the play's provenance, and there are many different editions of it. It's also widely studied because it's been acknowledged as highly unusual for its time - since it shows female characters driven explicitly by sexual desire.

According to UK Theatre Web, The Insatiate Countess is "a play dripping with innuendo from its very first lines [as] sexual obsession leads to murder as Isabella, widowed Countess of Swevia, wastes little time in remarrying before running off with another man. And then another. And yet another." And, as is usual for plays of this period, there is also a second comic plot going on. "Meanwhile, two new brides coolly frustrate their husbands' wife-swapping attempts at revenge."

So...if the uniqueness of The Insatiate Countess has intrigued you and you'd like to read (one version of) a full text of the play, you can find it here:

That link will take you to the version of the play used during the RND performance reading.

But back to that staged reading. When RND staged it in November 2002, they stated "it was the first performance of the complete play - tragic and comic plots together - since the 17th Century." David played the role of Rogero, Count of Arsena and Massino, later Isabella’s lover. The actors all donated their time to the project for free.

And here (again thanks to the Globe Archives) is the cast list from the digitized programme for the 10 November 2002 performance:

In February 2020, the Shakespeare Institute Players (their student theatre company out of Stratford) performed The Insatiate Countess, by William Barkstead and Lewis Machin, from a draft by John Marston." There appears to be no full version available online, but here is a short snippet of it if you'd like to take a listen:

And with that, my patient listeners, we wrap up the history of David's four interactions with the Shakespeare's Globe Read Not Dead project, which brings dead plays to life. While David did only four plays, the Read Not Dead project continues to this day.

One last postscript: the performance of The Insatiate Countess was recorded - as were all four of David's staged readings with RND - though I haven't listened to it (and sadly, the archive notes the start of the audio is cut off.) You can listen to the recording of the performance and others from the series, as the recordings are archived in the Globe Archive and Library in London. Access to the archive is available by appointment only for professionals and academics affiliated with institutions of higher education.

I've listened to Edward III and The Fleer, but have yet to hear What You Will or The Insatiate Countess. On my next trip to London, I'll be sure to make time to listen to both - even though some of the audio is missing on both of those, that's all right. I'll listen to them anyway!

I hope you all have enjoyed traipsing with me down the memory lane of David Tennant's works at the RND. 'Til next time!

[prettylittlelyres]

Ladies Don't Write Music - 15th November 2023 - update

I'm on track for NaNoWriMo because I hit 25,000 words for the month today! I'm so pleased. Attempting NaNoWriMo at all this year was a huge gamble because I haven't written over 25,000 words since February 2023, and even then I only managed just over 37k... but I've written 25k in the last two weeks and a day!

I also finished writing Chapter Twelve today, and brought it in at 5,000 words exactly. That's both immensely satisfying, and a point of pride; it's the fastest I've finished a chapter on this manuscript since I started drafting it at the end of July. The full manuscript is now just over 60,000 words long, and I want to do some more writing before I go to bed.

Below the cut: a celebratory excerpt, my NaNoWriMo 25k badge, and the cover I designed at the start of November, because I'm proud of that, too.

I clapped the right tempo, and counted Fräulein Schneider in.

She began, halting here and there, but, in general, playing very well.

“I’m not sure if you need a teacher,” I said, as she came to the end of the first page, “You sight-read just fine, and your sense of rhythm is strong.”

Fräulein Schneider beamed at me. “Thank you!” she said, “But it’s… it’s the pitch that I struggle with. Did I really…” She looked down at her hands. “Did I really play that correctly? I keep thinking I was pressing the wrong keys, but I don’t like to look at my hands when I’m sight-reading, or I lose my place in the music.”

I shook my head. “There was nothing wrong with the notes you played,” I said, “Considering it was your first time with the piece, actually, it was excellent.”

Louisa raised her eyebrows, and looked from me to the sheet music, and then back again. “That’s… That’s a surprise,” she said, “I’ve always thought I was, well… quite bad at the harpsichord. I practise, but the music never makes any more sense than it does when I start learning a piece. My last two teachers gave up on me, but I keep playing anyway because Papa and Mama said it would be a good way to entertain my husband one day.”

“Doesn’t it sound good to you, at least?” I asked, “I mean, do you like the way it sounds, even if it’s a little confusing?”

She smiled. “Yes, very much… but I worry that it doesn’t sound so good to other people. Full of wrong notes… Who would enjoy hearing a piece they recognise mangled out of shape?”

I tapped the page she had just played. “You certainly didn’t mangle this,” I said.

“Oh,” she said, covering her face with her hands, “That’s a relief!” Then her eyes widened as she dropped her hands to her lap. “Goodness me, how embarrassing it would have been if I’d played it badly in front of its composer.”

“Badly, not at all,” I assured her, sitting down next to her at the bench, “A little slowly, perhaps, but…” I played the first few bars as they should have been played. “That’s what it’s meant to sound like. And what you played was close enough. Honestly, Louisa, if you practise for even half an hour every day, I think you’ll have the first page fluent in less than a week. Your hands will learn it, even if your ears don’t.”

I decided a while ago that Johann Schneider's character would be tone-deaf, and would enjoy watching music performed for the movement. He has a younger sister and I thought it would be interesting to explore her having the same difficulties. Johann isn't a musician (yet), but Louisa plays the harpsichord and has a lot of trouble feeling confident in what she's playing because she's never sure she's got the right pitch. Luckily, her proprioception is excellent (as is Johann's, which is why he can dance so well), so she can put her fingers on the right keys without needing to see them. This is what Katharina's trying to help her see here, in this ad-hoc music lesson; she doesn't need to hear what she's playing to be able to play it well.

I'm quite enjoying playing around with parallels between Johann & Louisa Schneider and Katharina & Hans Schmidt. In both pairs of siblings, you have the older, more serious one having trouble meeting people's expectations, in contrast with the younger, more humourous one having very little trouble at all. The pairs also mirror each other in their strengths and weaknesses: Katharina and Hans have audiovisual projective synaesthesia and perfect pitch, so can hear and see the music they're making; Johann and Louisa are literally tone-deaf (Johann completely, Louisa almost completely) and music for them is a much more visual thing than it is for most people. Then there's Katharina, whose coordination is so bad it causes problems, being the opposite of Johann, whose coordination makes him an excellent dancer who then has problems because he finds constant poorly-veiled requests to dance at parties very tiring.

[manonamora-if]

November Check-In

As mentioned in my previous weekly update, monthly check-ins will be posted on the 1st of every month, recap'ing what's been done and what's the plan for next month.

Recap of last month's progress

IF Events in the Next Month

Plan for the next month

Still long post ahead. If you want a mini version, head over to itch.io!

October progress

The plan for last October was to:

Play and review more IF games ✅

Finish the La Petite Mort remaster: ✅

Either continue a WIP or fix another semi-completed game ❌

maybe try to add another block to the SugarCube Guide? ❌

The first was easily completed, since I reviewed about 40 games (out of the 75 entries) from this edition of the IFComp. This was more than last year in terms of quantity and time spent (more long entries this year), so while I did not play/review all entries, I'm happy with having done all that so far. Maybe I'll revisit the rest at a later point.

The second was a bit difficult. Working on the re-writes started pretty easy, but I ended up being completely short for words half-way through (even if I could visualise the scenes). Switching to translating the completed passaged helped pick up the pace, but I did this a bit too late, looking back. This meant I rushed through the last week, just before the EctoComp deadline, to complete a working state. This also means that while the game is complete, there are kinks that still need to be ironed out. This include the missing full passages (half-written or drafted, but not translated), missing translation (especially for the last passage), and taking care of the last UI friction. Another update is coming.

Having spent so much time on the first two, and IRL just swinging its bat at me, the last two points were not touched at all. Still, it's not bad, and other things came about:

The Bare-Bones Jam managed to get two dozen entries, which is pretty decent considering it happened at the same time as the EctoComp and the voting of the IFComp.

Lots of interesting discussion happened in the @neointeractives Discord server, especially covering the IFComp (moderation can't sleep).

I somehow managed to wing an entry for the inkJam, with In the Blink of an Eye. Don't know how I managed, I certainly wasn't in the right state of mind. Also turns out it was a 4-bird-1-stone, since I translated it in French.

Had an actual AMA on the blog, that was properly scheduled!

So still quite a bit considering life... (it's really been a lot, haven't processed most of it yet)

-_-

What's happening in November?

Nanowrimo for the writers, which can be a good incentive to progress the writing of a game.

The IFComp, EctoComp, and inkJam are always looking for players/voters. If you want to play a few short-ish games, take advantage of that!

The @seedcomp-if is always looking for inspiration (text, images, code, etc...) in this current first round. If you have half-baked ideas or anything, really, come submit something!

Over @neointeractives, we just wrapped up the Bare-Bones Jam and we have a new jam in the work... the ShuffleComp! Stay tuned ;)

-_-

The PLANtm for November

Still play more IF and maybe review. With the Bare-Bones Jam and the EctoComp over, that's a good 50 games to try out. (I've started with the inkJam already)

Finish the edits of Harcourt Ch5 (and get MelS to send me his Ch6 writing)

Fix one of the semi-completed games: either the Egg parser or TRNT (and make it a proper parser)

Finish that darn SugarCube Guide: there aren't much left in the guide to cover, but there are a few things to fix.

I would also like to compile the short drabbles from @crimsonroseandwhitelily into something more substantial. Either as a side page or within the game itself.

Taking the list of TO-DO from August…

To-Do not require much of new stuff:

translate Escape Goncharov! into French. ✅

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (mayyyybe translate into French?)

fix the formatting of DOL-OS + translate into English ✅

update LPM with the missing content + translate into English ✅

It's really been going down, which I am super happy about! I've made quite a bit of progress on that part since I made that To-DO (considering waves at life)

The rest of the To-Do pile was:

Finish The Rye in the Dark City (and maybe translate?)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (and try to translate)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (translation unlikely, current gameplay too complex to port for French)

Add a chapter to CRWL + fix/reopen the blog

Re-working TTTT to its originally planned state (lol, not likety)

Re-working SPS Iron Hammer (samesies)

Coding TTATEH (MelS dependent - shooting for end of year)

Emptying my inboxes (they are not all answered tho)

Honestly, this pile probably won't get done this year....

[yourkimjaejin]

MoJiLe Time Created

Hihi! This post has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I've worked up the courage to post it. This one revolves around how Maknae/Noona time was created. But I'm changing the name to MoJiLe Time because its cuter! Enjoy ~ Author Izzy

Legend: November 2018

Moxy walked into the quiet Dream dorm. She was a woman on a mission. She walked back to the dormroom with one destination in mind. She got distracted by the 2/3rds of Dream maknae line lying on Jisungs bed. It wasn’t normal for the two to sit in silence together. Moxy was obligated to see what's up. 

“Hey boys. You all good?”

Jisung turned his head to the left, meeting Moxy’s eyes, “We’re bored. The hyungs left us behind.” 

“Why don’t you just go out and do something, then?” 

Chenle huffed, “The manager said we were quote unquote too young to go out alone.” 

“Ahh.” Moxy was gonna leave but something kept her in place. She couldn’t just leave them like this. Moxy huffed, her plan would have to wait. 

“Alright put your shoes on and grab a jacket.” 

“What for?” “Why should we?” 

Moxy rolled her eyes, “Well I was gonna volunteer my services so you two can get out of the dorm. But if you’d rather stay here–” Moxy didn’t even have to finish her sentence before the two boys jumped up. Moving faster than ever, Moxy blinked and they were ready ushering her out of the door.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

First stop for the three was Chenle’s house. Right when they left the dorms, Chenle's mom called. After a few moments of rapid fire chinese Chenle turned taxi driver and gave his address. Chenle’s mom had cooked and told her son to invite his members over. What followed was Chenle showing off to others that Jisung and Moxy got his mother's food and the other didn’t. The three members couldn’t stop laughing everytime Haechan called to whine. 

From there, Moxy had a manager drive them to Lotte World. She couldn't stop smiling as she watched the boys run around and act like the kids they were. Sometimes remembering how much all the members gave up to be where they are leaves a heavy feeling that's hard to shake. That feeling fades as she watches Chenle and Jisung pick out animal headbands to wear. Jisung trying to argue against Chenle in favor of the headband with tiger ears (He was losing). Moxy got pulled into the fun too. They played at the playground and even convinced Jisung to go ice skating. 

Before heading back to the dorm, Jisung had their manager take them to a convenience store for ice cream. Their noona told the manager to go home for the night, the boys and her would take the long way home. As the building past them, the trio didn’t run out of thing to talk about. They even got a bit sentimental just as they arrived at their dorm building. Moxy dropped the two boys off at the Dream dorm before heading down to AG’s. 

Jisung’s voice calling out to her made her pause.

“What’s up Jiji?”

Jisung looked shy, which is adorable. “Could we– could we do this again? Tonight was so much fun.” Moxy couldn’t help herself. She ran over to ruffle Jisung’s hair. The younger accept the affection resignedly. 

“Of course we can. We’ll call it MoJiLe time.” With a promise for two weeks later, Moxy took the stairs to her dorm room. She wasn’t even surprised at the body waiting on her bed for her. 

Renjun sat up, “How was your evening?” 

“It was fun. While you and your friends were off gallivanting, I was entertaining the children.” Moxy slipped off her jacket before plopping onto her bed next to Renjun.

“It was for good reason.” Renjun's fingers started tracing random patterns on Moxy's leg

“Did you guys find presents?” Moxy asked. The singer hummed in agreement. “Good. Chenle deserves a big surprise from us for his 17th birthday.”

“Did you buy anything yet? We can go together if you want?” Renjun put an offer out there while walking to the door. It had been a long day dealing with 5 out of 7 members of Dream. 

“Thanks but I’m good. I got him a pair of shoes yesterday.” Moxy met him at the door. 

“Think we’ll get him to cry?” 

“I think we have a better chance at him laughing at us for surprising him. Have a good night.” Moxy watched him walk down the hall. 

“Night.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Taglist: @alixnsuperstxr / @1-800-call-ria / @sophrodite / @sunflower-0180

[hexfloog]

2021 - 2022 - 2023

Here's my art summary for 2022! In 2021 I had hoped that the inspo kick would last well into the new year, and... here we are. I produced WAY more this year than I initially thought and actually ran into the strange dilemma of having too much to choose from for this template :0

What a year for art.

I think because of the slow speed at which I produce-- and the relative stylistic consistency of what I do make-- I tend to fall into this trap of thinking I'm not actually going anywhere with my work, but looking back at my portfolio... this really isn't the case.

To put it bluntly, I see improvement from last year to now in the form of risks.

I hit a lot of milestones and firsts since January: I drew another comic, dabbled in several projects in grayscale, drew plenty of complicated backgrounds (or "whole pieces," I suppose), put together at least one .gif sequence, made mockups for merch, made real merch, zine entries... And even beyond 2D work, I wired up my first custom model kit, experimented with new materials, archived an entire TCG set, put together another cosplay, and (maybe most significantly) started writing fic again!!

I'm genuinely surprised by my output. While this year was creatively fruitful, it was maybe one of the worst on my health-- and by extension, my funds-- all around (an ER visit, COVID, some Mystery Issue with my feet... still a mystery to this day, actually) so I am pretty stunned that I managed to tap as far as I did into my creativity overall, especially when compared to 2021, a year I also thought went surprisingly well for art. Deadlines and community events and contests all pushed me into making more than I would on my own terms, so challenging myself a little definitely paid off... who would've thought? >___<

(while shoving my 2022 body of work under the bed) On the flip side, it turns out that throwing my dignity to the wind and shamelessly indulging pushes me to create, too! How many Evil Conans can one person depict in a single year??

...On a more personal level, aside from challenging myself with external motivators I think I was only able to produce as much as I did on account of simply learning to love what I make the way I make it. The vast majority of what I drew this year falls into what I've been referring to (to myself) as "drafts." But they're not drafts as most people would think of them - they're just not fully-polished works. March/November are good examples - contrast against June/August, which are definitely "polished."

It's probably not that big of a deal to other people how I refer to my work in my own company, but this year I seem to have realized that thinking of it in this way-- dismissing the time and effort spent on any one piece as merely "unfinished"-- is actually quite harmful. I have a habit of being harsh on myself and to call these works "drafts" undermines the amount of effort I put into them, and for what? Because they're not "clean" enough for (my own, self-imposed) impossible standards? That alone implies that there's only one way a work can be for it to be good enough, when the truth is that no-one would be none the wiser if I called them "finished" instead.

That's not really to say that I would stop trying to achieve this high-effort "finished" standard since I can get the same amount of mileage for lesser effort or whatever. I don't operate that way, there's a lot of pride and self-esteem tied to my art and I subscribe pretty unconditionally to delivering something that I'm proud of. I guess the key here is that "high" standards should not be "impossible" standards.

Starting from March (probably right around the time of the first DCMK FF Server Exchange), as year the progressed I slowly started warming up to this idea that I don't have to make something perfect to "get credit" for creating it. Perfectionism is an itch I'm still learning not to scratch every time it calls for my attention. And, relating to the exchange, there's something about a gift well-received that puts my guard down, and maybe it's because I'm always bracing for the worst (some imagined rejection of effort, perhaps) that I don't really expect people to so plainly like things I don't consider "good enough" for myself.

I guess what I'm saying is it's probably not an epiphany I would have just had for myself one day. I really don't think I would have realized the inherent hurt in my system if people didn't indirectly point it out to me time and time again, whether that gushing over artwork to my face or in tags or whatever, so... for that I am very grateful T___T

On that note, it has been a rough year for me so I want to express my deep appreciation for everyone who has supported me, whether you're just an art appreciator or an internet buddy, whether you came for ponies or animal mecha or ducks or detectives, whether you've donated at any point or bought something from the shop, commissioned me, etc ;___; I appreciate you all very much and truthfully I would not be creating so much if I didn't think I had an audience who could enjoy it with me. Thanks from the bottom of my heart <3

Wishing everyone a creatively fruitful and healthy 2023!!

if you've gotten this far tysm for reading i'm very stingy about good feelings and being this saccharine about anything takes effort, capital E

[skarlette1]

Making It Tick: Vivacious Voice

I promised a bit of “behind the scenes” for Libido League #14: Vivacious Voice, so we’ll start out with non-spoiler bits for those who haven’t read it yet. I’ll clearly label where spoilers begin. If you wanna skip the “inside baseball” about my real-life writing process and just discuss fictional plot and character stuff, scroll right on down to the “SPOILER” section.

To anyone expecting that the next novella-length Libido League e-book was going to feature Mnemonica and Lashlust, I say this: So was I! I have the rough draft of that novella done, but it is very, very rough. It needs a LOT of editing. It will get there, but it’s going to take some time. Hopefully, you’ll see it in the first half of 2024.

So, after I posted the penultimate chapter of Pearl Girls in mid-November, I looked at the calendar, the state of the Mnemonica/Lashlust novella, and realized that I wouldn’t be able to give it the editing it deserved before the end of the year. That meant that 2023 would be the first year I published NO new e-books! I didn’t want that to happen!

So, I got creative.

Ever since I published the first version of “Quid Pro Quo” here on the blog back in June, I’ve been wondering about the next meeting of Platinum Panther and Allie Kaza’am. I’d already written a little bit of Penelope tracking down her father’s car, to relax between larger projects. It was shaping up to be pretty hot. Maybe I could finish that before the end of the year?

However, when I offer an e-book for sale, I do my best to ensure it’s a complete story. Even when it says “#14” on the cover, I want a reader to be able to pick up just that e-book and understand the characters and situation well enough to enjoy the story. That meant that the new story couldn’t stand on its own, it needed both “Quid Pro Quo” and “Horny New Year” in the same e-book.

Easy-peasy, right? It’s just copy-and-paste, right?

Not quite! “Quid Pro Quo” featured Flechette and was kind of a sequel to her previous run-ins with Allie Kaza’am in “Ambushed” and “Prove Me Wrong.” So they needed to go in, as well. But those flash fictions were originally written in the 3rd person point-of-view. All my e-books are told from a 1st person POV. It’s kinda my style at this point. Rewriting them from 3rd to 1st person POV couldn’t take that long, could it?

It could! Particularly when I hadn’t finished writing the new “Vivacious Voice” story yet! Plus, rewriting Flechette’s chapters into 1st person revealed that there was a missing piece to her story, so I also had to write “Missing Time”! The whole time I was wondering if having two different 1st person POV narrators in the same novella would be too distracting for readers. What do you think? I’m considering using it again in future projects and would love some feedback.

I hope you’re beginning to see why I posted no new stories on the blog in December! But, I finished all that writing and formatting (plus three possible covers that you helped me choose the best of) and managed to hit “publish” before the end of the year! Yay!

But enough about me. Let’s chat about our girls, both good and bad.

SPOILERS BEGIN HERE

Flechette: Let’s start with the new girl on the block. Although she’s shown up in my flash fiction since the very early days, and the character’s “secret origin” is kinda the first story I ever posted to the EMCSA, she’s never featured in an e-book before. Part of that is that I’ve never been at a loss for characters, but part of that is that I didn’t quite understand her well enough. I think I do now.

We all understand the trope Flechette is built off of, right? Every A-list superhero team needs to have an archer, right? Even though it’s patently absurd that when you’re facing opposition that can crush tanks like candy wrappers and shrug off grenades, the person you most want on your team is armed only with a bow-and-arrow, right?

Right!

So just building out from the stereotype, we know that Flechette needs to be both stunningly talented and tirelessly dedicated. With no superpowers, how else is she going to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Doctor Q and Captain Alpha? It takes a special kind of crazy to do what she does. The messed up lives of Clint Barton, Oliver Queen, Kate Bishop, and Roy Harper can attest to that.

Rewriting her previous flashes from Flechette’s POV, I really found her no-nonsense dedication to the job coming to the forefront. The bit that really unlocked her character for me is when Platinum Panther is telling Flechette why she’s the most qualified for this mission and Flechette just cuts her off her flattery by acknowledging that she’s the least dangerous person on the team if she succumbs to Allie Kaza’am’s voice and then compliments her on the strategy. She’s got no ego to bruise here. Flechette is driven to be her best self every day, but doesn’t need to be better than anyone else to do it. She just needs to be better than she was yesterday. That’s the thing that drives her to put in all the hours at the gym and on the archery range (and never skip leg day).

It’s also the thing that makes her frustrating to Allie Kaza’am. With no secret shame to toy with, and no repressed joy to tease, Flechette doesn’t offer Allie anything to play with. That’s why she ends up tiring of Flechette rather quickly, tricking her into straightforward “deals” to do Allie’s bidding, and eventually underestimating her. “Driven and dedicated” might not get Flechette laid very often, but it comes in handy when capturing supervillains!

Allie Kaza’am: Speaking of supervillains, Allie drives this whole story like a stolen car. We already discussed the original influences of her character back in a previous “Making It Tick.” Let’s talk about what’s driving her in this story.

After the events of “Daring Truth”, where she humiliated the leader of the most powerful team of superheroes, the smart thing to do would have been to get as far from Skarlette City as possible! Instead, she worms her way into a high-class New Year’s Eve party just so she can manipulate Platinum Panther’s boss into revealing how to get in touch with the armored heroine. Does she stop when she uncovers Panther’s secret identity, knowing that will make her a number-one priority for the League to capture? No! Even when Flechette gets the drop on her, she keeps going, looking for a way inside Libido League Tower so she can meet Penelope in her own “home turf”. Playing the “get captured on purpose” card scores her everything she could want: an A-list superheroine (with a billionaire’s bank account) kneeling, meek and submissive before her. She could have had her fun, made off with a lifetime score, and vanished into the wind. Instead, she steals a prize possession that Penelope won’t be able to let go. Why does she do all this?

It’s simple: Allie Kaza’am wants to be hunted.

It makes her feel desirable to know that Platinum Panther is searching for her. To know that Penelope’s brilliant brain is obsessed with her, and is daydreaming about becoming Lily for her. Allie can’t be content with winning because her real game is getting Penelope to wrap her whole life around Allie.

Why does she care about that?

A big part of it is simply how audacious all this is. Allie gets a huge thrill from the risk itself. The more dangerous something is, the more exciting.

But if that were the only thing, she’d get more out of outwitting Flechette. Flechette is one dangerous heroine to have on your tail and a one impressive victory when she sinks to her knees. But Allie finds Flechette boring. Once she finally turns Flechette’s resistance against itself in “Prove Me Wrong”, the best Allie can do is force the heroine to forget all about her!

Until there’s a way that Flechette can help Allie capture Panther. Because, in her own twisted way, Allie Kaza’am is smitten with Lily/Platinum Panther/Penelope Payes. She’s just as obsessed with Lily as she wants Lily to be obsessed with her. That’s why the thing that sticks in Allie’s craw about Lily is not that she’s constantly trying to capture Allie and bring her to justice. It’s that Penelope insists that she’s “100% straight” and the only reason she could possibly have so much sex with Allie is because of her voice powers.

It’s not enough to have Penelope obsessed with her, she wants Penelope to admit that she’s attracted to her.

When Allie’s tactic of “look how irresistible I am, even your hardass archer submits to me, so why can’t you?” backfires, that’s why Penelope’s outburst hurts her deeply. That’s why she finally loses her cool and launches into the rant that allows Flechette to break her conditioning.

Like so many supervillains, it’s the thing she wants most that proves her own undoing.

Platinum Panther: So what about our central heroine? Coming out of the events of Libido League #13: Panther’s Passion, Penelope is kinda reeling. She took a chance, trusted a “normal” guy (at least, not a superhero), and got betrayed. She’s ready to reject any chance at connecting with anyone new. She’s goes to a party out of a sense of obligation to an old friend, ready to reject anyone he introduces her to. Surprise: She’s met with someone from her “secret life” as a superheroine that completely takes her by surprise. Allie strips off Penelope’s defenses of wealth, status, and connections as easily as she stripped off Platinum Panther’s armor in Libido League #3: Daring Truth. Penelope is left exposed, open, and vulnerable in a setting she’s supposed to be powerful in. She’s tried to be clever and stubborn and outwit the villainess, but she gets outmanueverd and the most surprising thing of all happens:

Nothing terrible.

Allie does get away with Penelope’s secret identity, but she doesn’t hurt anybody. As a supervillain, she skates on the edge between being a threat that needs to be stopped and being a nuisance that can be tolerated. So Penelope can rationalize that she’s seeking her out “to bring her to justice” rather than “because she’s fun and sexy”.

Which, of course, leads to her getting outmaneuvered in “Quid Pro Quo” and the beginning of “Vivacious Voice”. Penelope is really getting sucked into the cat-and-mouse game with Allie (the mouse, of course, is Penelope/Lily). They could easily settle into a pattern of this: Penelope tries to capture Allie, Allie tricks her into becoming Lily, many orgasms are had, Allie slips away.

But Allie pushes Penelope too far, too fast. And Penelope very nearly goes for it. She gives into everything Allie asks of her until Flechette shows up. Looking every inch the upright superheroine that Penelope feels she’s supposed to be, all those voices that drive her come roaring back. While she’s furious at herself for submitting, she lashes out with all that rage directed at Allie. Which leaves her where she started: frustrated and alone.

Oh well, at least Penelope can console herself that her arch-nemesis Terence Tartarus is headed to prison. No way anything could possibly go wrong with that!

Sorry for the long blog post. I didn’t have time to write a short one.

I’m dying to know: What did you think of the e-book? (spoilers okay in the comments)

[suddence]

Retrospective!

HI. So. Since Suddence draft 3 is done, I thought I'd do a bit of retrospective on this story :^)

This little project started as an escape from my main wip, APHELION, which is a big sprawling sci-fi thing. I thought Suddence would be a nice little novella, 40k words tops.

Turns out, it's 60k words long. That's right. It's a wholeass novel.

Draft #1

On May 17th, 2021, I started the first draft. While I had a strong idea of the basic premise and a nice solid beginning, I wasn't sure how exactly the rest of the story would go. Most of this draft was just me writing down scenes that seemed interesting. At this point, I hadn't even figured what exactly Dany was gonna do after reaching Suddence. I threw together some semblance of a wham bam action climax. I didn't like it, but I couldn't think of much else.

Also, while I had the alternating timelines idea already, they were both written in regular prose.

After "finishing" this draft, I went back to my main wip for a while and continued struggling with it.

Draft #2

On November 16th, 2022, I started the second draft. In this draft, my goal was to tie the story down. The prose doesn't have to be good; it just has to be finished and whole. The beginning of the story stays mostly the same, except that I decided wait! Wouldn't it be more interesting if we got to read the flashbacks as if they were Dany's diary entries?

I tested this out and decided, yup. It was much cooler.

So, I focused on this for a while. Progress was meandering and I was struggling a bit with how I wanted the story to end. At some point, I peeked at my first draft, hoping to have some inspiration, and noticed I started it on May 17th. And at this point, it was also almost May 17th (2023). And I thought to myself, "Man, wouldn't it be something if I could finish this draft on May 17th? Wouldn't that be nice and symmetrical? Haha. That's not possible though."

But with the power of promising I'll treat myself to a Lego splurge after I finish the draft, it was, indeed, possible.

Now, as you read through the draft (I say "you" as if you will ever read this version of the story), you will notice that the quality significantly gets worse as it goes on. But I was perfectly fine with it! I had confidence and trust that my future editing self will handle it. All that matters right now is that it's done.

I let the story marinate for a few months, leaving notes whenever I thought of something, and went back to focus on APHELION. And I had a HUGE breakthrough there, which only boosted my confidence. I had been struggling with this wip for SO long, and it was amazing to finally have it figured out.

Draft #3

On August 1st, 2023, I began the third draft of Suddence. I switched my goal from "it just has to be finished" to "it has to actually be good." My mindset on this stage was that it had to be in a publishable state, even though I don't plan on publishing it just yet. I took the chapters one by one, reading each of them out loud to catch any strange wording or confusing moments. (There were a LOT of these that would have slipped by if I hadn't been reading out loud.)

One thing that really helped was keeping a notebook on hand, and any time I thought of something (e.g. checking the continuity on a previous scene, or a reminder to add something earlier, etc) I would write it down. This made editing SO much more manageable. I didn't have to rely on my spotty memory, I could cover so many more bases, and it's very satisfying to check each task off my list as I tackle them.

I wasn't really sure how long the edit would take. My general goal was to have something ready to show by April/May of 2024, where I'll hopefully be tabling at VanCAF again.

And now it's only been a bit more than two weeks, and the edit is done. 😳

Next Steps

So! My next steps will be to get critiques. I've set up a critique form, and now I'm preparing to reach out to people for beta reading. It's exciting! But also nerve-wracking. I've never gotten to this stage with ANY of my wips before. (Unless you count, like, my grad film, which I definitely don't.)

After critiques, it'll be one more round of edits!

I'm also going to have a copy printed out just at a local print shop, just so I can have something physical to hold :3

Publishing

I'm sure I've talked about this at some point before, but I'm planning to publish the story serially online first, and then having physical copies and e-books once it's done airing, so to speak. I've been checking out a few websites, like Wattpad and Royal Road and Substack. I'll have to poke around them a bit more before I decide which one to use.

I haven't really decided which printing company to use, either. Last I checked, BookVault doesn't ship to Canada :'( and the only other printer I've used is Lulu. I guess I'll have to look into KDP and all that eventually anyway, so I'll do some research on that front as well.

Thank you to everyone who's been following along on this journey! For now, I'm gonna migrate back to APHELION.

[holofoiltowercard]

The Journey of The Tarot Haiku

VII: The Chariot - Embarking on the Journey

Next to the Fool, the Chariot speaks most clearly about the start of a journey, with the added connotation of needing discipline and determination to stay on the path. The road is smooth and the goal is clear, you just need to keep to it is how I see it...

...so when it appeared in my Tarot readings about the book, I listened every single time.

But before that, it might be nice to talk about exactly how I got to actually finish the book, because again, I needed discipline and determination. It wasn't exactly hard, but it took effort. So after those first two poems, with Eight of Swords now fully covered (I am still in awe that it was the Eight of Swords, you don't often see that card as the start of anything good, do you?) and a few more poems coming along, I made that progress page I showed off in a previous post, and I set myself a goal of twenty poems. I'm sure that at one point, I adjusted just so I would have a total of X8 poems, in order for the new batches of twenty poems to seamlessly land me at 188. And from there, the writing process began.

I didn't write every day. I didn't get a burst of divine inspiration each time. But I did, whenever I had the time, take out my cards and a notebook and looked the cards over, to see if any caught my eye and turned the gears - if they did, good, if they didn't, at least I tried. I also remember one time having to travel to another city, finding some time on my hands, and scribbling into a notebook as I waited for others to do business. I didn't have the cards out since we were constantly moving about, but the notebook I could manage. Sometimes I could only do a single poem or a draft of one, and other times I got inspiration for several at once. Sometimes I focused my attention and only studied the Suit of Cups or the Suit of Swords, and other times I was glad to grasp at anything. Those two suits were the first to be finished back in the day - they came much more easily than the other two or the Major Arcana. Indeed, my last card, the last poem I had to write was for the reversed Knight of Wands, which to me speaks of your progress stuttering because your energies are scattered...

And then the readings came. I finished all the poems sometime in early September - I can't even tell you what day because my bullet journaling has been very scanty. But I did thankfully jot down the big reading I did on September 17th, when I started asking the Tarot questions about publishing:

What might I experience if I...

...published under my real name / a pseudonym?

...published in October / November / December?

I found the real name and October the most favorable answers - December also had promise so I gave it a shot, but when I did a reading about it and asked if I should aim for so and so dates, the answers didn't feel encouraging, so I returned to October, which I had been drawn to from the start.

With Tarot having so many ties and attractions to mysticism, I thought of October and saw three possible dates to aim for: the new moon, the full moon, and Halloween. Accordingly, I drew a card for each, and the full moon got the Ten of Cups, which was lovely, but the new moon got The Chariot.

I love the Ten of Cups as much as the next person, but when I saw that Major Arcana, suggesting I could embark on a whole new journey after so much stagnation (the pandemic not only affected me personally as a source of isolation, stress and grief, but also destroyed my previous sources of income), I said to myself, it has to be the new moon. This is it. I deserve to step onto a new, better path and I'm going to do it.

Mind you, I was struggling. Not so much with discipline or determination as with mental illness, so progress was sometimes slow and anxious. But I gently pushed myself along - "do it scared" is a phrase that described me well, because I knew so little about self-publishing, and even when you read up on it, actually doing it is a totally different experience of doing and waiting. And when at last I was there, and had to price the ebook... I input 7 dollars, 7 standing for The Chariot. The paperback was then priced 28 dollars to account for printing costs, 7 being multiplied by four. The hardcover would have also followed this pattern and be 35 dollars, but when I did a reading just to check in, I kept getting reversed cards for 30 dollars, 33 dollars, etc., until 34 dollars landed me an approving Six of Cups. I later realized that 3 + 4 = 7.

Thank you, Chariot. Because of you, the book is now out, and with luck and support, it might just reach those who will appreciate and love it, and give me a new chance at life.

Buy the ebook

Buy the paperback

Buy the hardcover

[theskeletonprior]

[ID: a greyscale banner of a skeleton reclining in rich silks, cropped so only the ribcage and part of the spine are visible. It reads ‘A Year in the Priory’ in white. /End ID.]

I saw a post going around by @maguayans​​ about making a year-in-review post, and it looked too fun for me to resist!

It hasn’t quite been an entire year for me. I started this account on January 18th, but the time has flown right by! I think it’s good to reflect, and this is the time of year for it, that’s for sure. I didn’t want to do it Spotify-style, so here we are. Just the bare bones.

On Writing

This year really marks the start of my taking my work as a writer much more seriously. It was also the first time I was paid for my writing (!!!). I opened commissions, although I only sold any to people I knew. I only published one piece of fanfiction this year, in January--just a little study of Silco and Jinx from Arcane. But I have a couple others that I’ve been fiddling with to keep me loose that I might even finish one day. In April, my husband and I launched our Patreon, and as of this month, we’ve released nine volumes of The Bishop of Black with a 10th on the way! We managed to put out a new volume every month, along with bonus side-stories. I’m very proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish together. In the summer, I came down with some terrible Gorr the Butcher brainrot, but the fic isn’t finished. It is, if I do say so myself, rather good, though. I also immediately became obsessed with Alchemy of Souls, but that fic isn’t finished either. I haven’t had an awful lot of free time, just in general, this year. I’ve struggled to make dedicated time for my projects. This blog has also begun to grow quite well! I reached my first major milestone in October, did a very fun giveaway, and then smashed that milestone to absolute bits. This, I attribute chiefly to the miraculous accident of a post that I made at 2am escaping containment. I did make an attempt at pushing out a few more words in November, but came away with a little more than 5 000 on RAVENOT, which is more progress than I’ve made in some time. I also released a polished first chapter, which stands as a sort of pilot for the project. Some folx were even kind enough to drop a little tip in my jar for it, which was lovely. I did get some little drabbles out, too. So I think I’ve been sneaking out the words fairly well this year. And that’s about it for 2022, as far as my writing goes. I wasn’t able to really get back to my bookmaking, but I’m getting pretty handy with Affinity Publisher and that’s got to count for something.

On the Future

I’d like to try to commit to a few things for 2023. Here’s the list: + complete a draft of one WIP for 2023 (spoiler alert: it’s going to be RAVENOT) + read every day + dedicate time to writing every week (collaboratively, and solo) + consistently include IDs for images in original posts + get back to bookmaking! I’ve been making nothing but x-folds and pamphlet stitches and it’s making me wilt

On Meetings

And I do want to shout out some of the wonderful members of this here writeblr community that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting this year. Warmest regards to: @flowerprose @muddshadow @pinespittinink @impaledlotus @inkspellangel and @calicojackofficial for being some of the highlights of my dash! And of course, I must give mention to those I know and love already: @rosieartsie and @magefaery​ <3

On Reading

I did manage to get a fair bit of reading in this year, all things considered. I would’ve liked to read more, but there’s been a lot for me to adapt to this year. Here’s the list (the ones I especially liked get an asterisk*):

Dune, Frank Herbert They Both Die at the End, Adam Silvera When No One is Watching, Alyssa Cole Manhunt, Gretchen Felker-Martin* Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor, Xiran Jay Zhao* Entangled Life, Merlin Sheldrake* The Time Traveller’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger* A Dowry of Blood, S. T. Gibson* Nothing but Blackened Teeth, Cassandra Khaw Blood Scion, Deborah Falaye Terciel and Elinor, Garth Nix Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, Nona the Ninth*, Tamsyn Muir Woom, Duncan Ralston Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, Eric Larocca manga Beauty and the Beast of Paradise Lost (1-5), Kaori Yuki* Jujutsu Kaisen (up-to-date), Gege Akutami* Boku no Hero Academia (up-to-date), Kohei Horikoshi Kimetsu no Yaiba (1-23), Koyoharu Gotouge Kaiju No. 8 (up-to-date), Naoya Matsumoto* Chainsaw Man (up-to-date), Tatsuki Fujimoto* Utena: After the Revolution, Chiho Saito JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (part 1), Hirohiko Araki

And that’s all, really. I wonder where we’ll be this time next year.

[duhragonball]

Nanwum Schemin'

I finished my August writing challenge tonight, and I'm pleased to say that I managed to hit 20,000 words and that's actually enough to cover this year's Christmas special. I tried this last year, but I only wrote 15k in September, and Red Christmas ended up being 32k long, so I wound up writing more than half of it in December anyway. This time, I took that into account, which is why I used August instead. I figured if Blue Christmas ran long, I'd be able to use September to finish it off, but it looks like I managed to fit the entire plot in 20k, so that's satisfying. I need a little more to finish the ending, and there's some stuff I'll want to add and take out, but overall, I have a working first draft that I can have ready for AO3 without much trouble.

I still have to figure out what the hell Yellow Christmas will be about. I saved that one for last, since yellow is the Luffa color, but I think I've used up all the good fanfic AU tropes by now, so I'm gonna have to get creative. But that's a problem for 2024, and I'm here to talk about the fall of 2023.

Concerning the Apocrypha Liveblog, I plan on wrapping up some loose ends in September. Super Dragon Ball Heroes episode 50 came out last week, so I can write about how the Aeos arc (we won!). I also want to knock out the DBS movies, and I think the DBS Manga will probably be done with their Super Hero adaptation, so I'm penciling that in as well. Whatever's left over I can deal with in October or later.

November is NanoWriMo season, and this will be my 7th entry in the event. I don't count my ill-fated attempt in 2003, since I never logged it with the website, and I had no idea what I was doing and flamed out by the second or third day. But I've been doing these since 2017 and I've been racking up wins ever since. I'm feeling confident at the moment, so I'm going to try to set some goals for myself, which I'll put under the cut.

Looking back at my past runs, I've had some good years and some difficult ones where I didn't reach the 50k goal until Day 29 or 30. I always find it more satisfying to finish early if I can. My preference is to have things wrapped up by Day 20, so I can write more stuff in the overrun, or start editing and posting, or just slack off for the next ten days. It's always enjoyable, so I think I need to make this a priority.

For a number of years, my objective was to boost word count and reach certain milestones in the Luffa storyline, but I passed one million words last year, and this year I've nearly finished the Xenoverse 1 adaptation, so things are a little different. I think I can afford to think about how to improve productivity, rather than how to hit certain plot points. So we'll aim for that.

Currently, my earliest win date is Day 17, which I pulled off back in 2021. So I'm going to try to hit 50k on or before Day 16. Here's how.

This month, I learned I can get more done by breaking up my large word goals in to 500 word chunks. To finish by Day 16, I'll need to average about 3000 words a day, which is something I've always struggled to do consistently, but now, I think I can make that work. The idea is to devote six hours across a day, where I write 500 words in each of those hours. It really seemed to help me out this month, so it's time to see if that technique can push me further.

One other thing I want to try is to break my personal record for one-day writing totals. Currently, that stands at 7023 words. So I've chosen three days where I can attempt to do that. I'd like to do more than jut hit 7024, though. 9001 would be pretty sweet for the meme value, but it sounds really daunting.

The important thing here is that I give myself permission to fail. If I can't maintain 3k per day, that's fine, because even falling short of that goal still makes good progress. If I can't make it to 7k or beyond, that's fine too, because wherever I land, it's still a lot of progress. And if I'm not done by Day 16 it's fine, because I'll have two weeks left.

But I think I can do this. The rewards would be sweet. AEW Full Gear is on the 18th, and it'd be pretty great to just have a lazy Saturday where I watch that instead of writing. NJPW will probably run their World Tag League shows between November 15 and December 15, so I'd have the whole second half of November freed up. And mostly, I like the precedent it would set if I could consistently land 3k in six hours or less. I feel like that's something I need to prove to myself.

If this is going to work, I need to do some solid plotting in October so I'm ready. I do reasonably well with "they fight" as a prompt, but if I have a list of spots and story beats to work with, that would cut down on the indecision that usually holds me back.

[artikgato]

8/27/2023

It happened again! The cute little brown bunny hopped into my path as I was walking. This time it stopped for a few seconds and watched me before hopping off of the sidewalk and into the grass, but then it stopped a few feet away from the tree line and sat for a few more seconds, long enough for me to almost get a picture of it, before darting off into the woods. At first there wasn't a Bunnelby when I checked Pokémon Go, but then a few seconds later one popped up... and in almost the same spot the bunny had been in before it hopped onto the sidewalk.

Quite interesting that this has happened for a third time, and this time the bunny didn't run away immediately. If this was in a book or a movie I wonder what the symbolism of it would be. Is this a warning, that I am like a prey animal and I need to be cautious? Is this a sign that things are changing for the better, since the bunny was a little more relaxed this time? Who knows.

Anyway the bunny aside, it was a pretty standard walk. It was slightly cooler this morning because it rained last night. I encountered someone else walking along the street going the opposite direction while I was in the residential area, and I encountered the same guy coming out of the retirement community toward The Road while I was going along there. It did startle me a little bit both times, but clearly I am alright so nothing happened. There was more traffic than I expected for a Sunday morning, to the point where I had to check to make sure it wasn't somehow Saturday again or I hadn't accidentally skipped forward to Monday.

I started walking with the Larvesta today. We'll see how that goes. Despite being at work all day I did manage to participate a bit in the Go Fest activities yesterday and I caught a bunch of shinies. I finally got my hands on a Pawniard for the first time yesterday, which was exciting, only for the second one I caught to be a shiny! I also got a shiny cowboy hat Snorlax, whom I love and will cherish for the rest of my days. Hopefully today I can pick up some more shinies.

From now until the end of September things should be pretty standard. Aside from a mostly unplanned excursion go Dragoncon, I don't have plans to go anywhere or do anything since everything is happening in October and November. Perhaps a random day trip to hang out with people or go do something will happen, but for now I think I need to really focus on getting plushies and other things ready to sell at the artist tables I have booked, and I really want to work on my novel, too. Ideally I'd love to finish the first draft by the end of November, so I can edit it and try to get it published next year. I started writing it in 2014, so it would only be fitting!

Tomorrow it'll be three weeks since I started doing this waking up at 5am and doing the mental health jogwalk. It doesn't feel like three weeks have gone by at all. I think because I'm waking up early it's making the days feel longer, so this three weeks has felt both very long and also very short. Time is a weird soup.Anyway, it's time to get back to work!

Word count: 585 Weather: 73, sunny Humidity: 95% Time: 23:27 Song of the Day: Toxic, Britney Spears

[otp-holic]

What a year

This is one of those post I write for my future self, so feel free to skip it if you want.

But it's been a year since I started writing what would become I was alone, I took a ride (I didn't know what I would find there)

A year ago, I was embarked on my unofficial Nano Goal of writing 1ks a day trying to recover the love of writing after a pretty lousy experience while writing my 6ks of Fic Exchange fic.

I had three different projects going on, and for the first few days of November I was more focused on one shots and another idea for a long one.

And, I don't exactly know why, on November 5th my head took a turn, and decided to start putting words on an idea I had thought about for ages but that had always looked too big and too difficult to attempts.

I love reading movie AUs but when trying to write them, I always struggle with the "ingredients" (too close to the source material, does the character make sense in this universe, how many call backs are too many...), so I had never dared. It looked like an impossible task.

But I did started, shyly at first, and combining it with the other projects... until a couple weeks later this was all I could think about.

I had all the fun in the world with those first drafts where I mixed English and Spanish, jumped from one scene to another... a month that turned into three months, that left me with around 60ks worth of words that I thought made up the whole story. Very roughly written, and in need of SO MUCH work, but a story.

I wasn't gonna publish it, ever. Just left it as it was for me to enjoy, but thanks to some people, but especially @thewinterwelded I decided to take the leap. I would have never ever keep on writing if I hadn't.

A year later, I'm here (not using Writing Analytics anymore, so i just went back to my excel), and those 60ks have taken a life of its own:

It's quite a lot, if you think about it, not only in wordcount (i write mostly in dialogued scenes, so it's always long), but in achievements.

I've been brave enough to take the leap and publish it with it many mistakes, I've kept on with it even when I was down, I've learned how to manage expectations, to write for my shake.

I'm almost done writing (this time for real), editing the final act to publish, and even though it's far from perfect, that impossible task is close to being possible.

I will probably reflect much more about it when I finish publishing (hopefully before the year is over), but I wanted to have this post because I love anniversaries, and I really want to have the reminder for those rainy days.

Thank you so much to everyone who is being a part of this ride (pun intended), because you definitely make me feel less alone and not giving up despite its many imperfections.