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graneymar · 1 year

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#5.2 NEYMAR JR: ONE NIGHT IN IBIZA (Part 1)

SUMMARY: You and Neymar are back from vacation, finally facing different sides of having a public relationship.

WARNINGS: none actually, some fluff with a minimum of angst and the smallest minimum of smut (literally just one dirty sentence)

PAIRING: Neymar x fem!reader

After spending our last few days in Ibiza, I decided I would stay with Neymar in Paris for another week before I had to leave for my studies.

We arrived only a few hours ago and spent the rest of the day cuddling up in his bed, watching movies and our favorite shows. My phone lit up - an Instagram notification about Neymar tagging me in his story. I smiled at him and shortly pecked his cheek. Since the public found out about us, he wouldn’t go a day without tagging or posting me - he literally mentioned me whenever and wherever he could. "How do you feel about being in the public now?", he asked and took his eyes off of the tv to glance at me. I shrugged, "It's been okay so far I guess. I'm just really hoping I will not get treated differently in university now. And I hope your fangirls will not overcrowd my office once I'm finished." He chuckled before kissing my hand he was holding in his. Those hazel eyes that always looked at me in love and admiration suddenly darkened. Oh, I knew what he had in mind. "Ney, I'm too tired today", I exclaimed laughing while he didn’t seem to care as he climbed on top of me. "Can’t wait to fuck you in your own office, Ms. Lawyer", he smirked before the two of us shared a long, passionate kiss that quickly led to another fun activity.

The next morning I woke up to see Neymar wasn’t in bed anymore. It wasn’t anything new, he always got up earlier than me. When I heard his annoyed groans and cursing though, I got a little worried. Slowly opening the bedroom door, I tiptoed my way into the living room, where I found Neymar talking on his phone. "Yeah okay, whatever. I'll be there tomorrow", he sighed out before hanging up and looking straight at me. "I have to play Saturday, training starts tomorrow." I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "Why? All you asked for was another week off? I'm leaving Sunday", the disappointment in my voice was clearly audible. "I know baby, but Kylian's injured. I can’t leave those idiots hanging", Neymar explained. My lips formed a pout as I nodded. We planned to attend the match anyway, but we were supposed to be watching together instead of me watching him playing. "I'm sorry meu amor", he mumbled while cupping my face in his hands. "Está bem [it’s fine]", I replied, even though it really wasn’t. If it would be only him playing on Saturday I’d be less worried, but him training meant even less time we would be able to spend together. "Hey", he softly said stroking my cheek, "Don't be sad, please. Let’s have some breakfast, get ready and go out, hm?"

Our day went just as planned. Honestly, I've been excited and nervous about going out with Neymar since it would be the first time everyone would see as the couple we actually were, not just friends like we pretended to be before. To my surprise though, there were no paparazzi, barely even any fans interrupting our shopping tour - and most of the fans that came up to us simply wanted to take a picture with Neymar and greeted me nicely. So far, so good, I thought. Until we got out of the sushi restaurant and the paparazzi were already waiting outside. I gasped at the amount of cameras that were directed at me, my body twitched everytime another flashlight lit up. "Que merda [shit]", Neymar mumbled to himself and reached out for my hand. I instantly grabbed his,l while my other hand was busy covering my face. As he started walking through the crowd to get to his car, he squeezed my hand a little tighter. One of the paparazzi shoved his camera right into my face. "Step away from her please", Neymar politely yet demanding said - ignorance being the only response. That one paparazzi got even closer to me, almost tearing apart Neymars and my intertwined hands. He started asking questions like how we both met; why Neymar would be dating me in the first place and finally, if I had serious intentions with Neymar or if it was just money, fame and attention that I was after. That was enough for Neymar to lose his shit. He pushed the camera away from me, making it hit the paparazzi right into his face. "I said step away from her! Filho da puta [son of a bitch]", he shouted out through gritted teeth, pulling me closer to him. As soon as we approached his car, he quickly opened the passenger door for me, slightly pushing me in to avoid anyone else getting closer to me than they were supposed to. Taking a few deep breaths I started calming down a little, instinctively grabbing Neymars hand as soon as he dropped himself next to me. "How did they even know where we're at?", I asked, my voice still a little shaky. Neymar stroked my hand with his thumb while checking his phone. "Oh fuck", he mumbled and turned his phone in my direction, "I thought I saved it as a draft but I must’ve accidentally posted it. I'm so sorry babe." How clever, a photo of our food and the damn location. I tried to keep my angry facial expression while staring at him, but finally bursted out into laughter. He looked at me, relieved but confused. "Why are you laughing? I thought you’d be mad at me."

"I am, actually", I raised my brows at him, "but that’s so typically Neymar. This is something that can only happen to you and no one else, honestly." He shrugged, his lips pressed into a thin line, looking at me with puppy eyes before finally giving me a short kiss and starting the car.

The next few days went by quite ordinary. While Neymar was at training, I tried to distract myself by cleaning the apartment, cooking or simply taking a walk outside. When the day of his match arrived though, the anxiety broke through me again. "Baby, don’t worry! Guilherme and Gil will be with you. I got you seats far from the fans", Neymar reassured me as he tried to calm me down. God, if he only knew I wasn’t scared of the fans but the media talking shit about me again. When the paparazzi caught us back in Ibiza, I instantly got compared to Neymars ex girlfriends, saying I looked nothing like them, talking badly about my appearance, my body, even how I wasn’t photogenic. I truly didn’t care about what they said about how I looked. I was confident enough to ignore it and as long as Neymar viewed me the way he did, I couldn’t care less about how others saw me. When the media started talking trash about our relationship, saying I was just enjoying the luxurious lifestyle Neymar brought to my life and I apparently was only interested in his money, fame and attention though - that actually hurt me. It was hard enough for Neymar to open up after so many people took advantage of him, building up his trust in me was an entire process. I was afraid they would come up with some story that would make him doubt my love for him or even overthink our relationship. But I refused to tell him about what was actually bothering me. I didn’t want to make a scene before anything even happened.

"I have to go now", Neymar finally said, quickly kissing my cheek, "I'll see you there. Gil calls you once he’s here to pick you up!"

The first half of the match went pretty calm, no goals and not too many fouls. I was just happy I didn’t really get noticed by anyone. Only ten minutes into the second half, Neymar scored the first goal for PSG. Guilherme, Gil and I got up from our seats, clapping and cheering. That was when Neymar jogged up to our side of the field and blowed me a kiss with a wide smile on his face. I felt my cheeks blushing as all heads in the crowd turned in my direction. Gil noticed how uncomfortable I gor and decided to distract the crowd by blowing a kiss back to Ney, screaming out "Oh my God, I love you Neymar" in a high pitched voice, acting like a fangirl. I started laughing and sat down again. "That’s Neymars girlfriend, she’s so pretty", a girl a few rows in front of me said. I smiled at her widely as her boyfriend turned around to look at me. "Bruna is prettier", he simply stated. I tilted my head, my smile widened in a provocative way and I waved at him before showing him my middle finger. Guilherme started laughing while Gilmar almost choked on his drink. "Y/N, you can’t do that", he said, "Your Neymar Jrs girlfriend! Adding to that, you’ll be a lawyer soon." I shrugged my shoulders and continued to watch the match. "And what about it? Aren’t lawyers allowed to fight and defend themselves outside of the court?" Guilherme held his hand up for a high five that I returned.

The match ended, PSG won 2-0. The boys and I were waiting for Neymar outside the stadium. "Hey babe", Neymar greeted me and kissed my cheek, Marco following closely behind him. "So you wanna come over to my place and celebrate the win?", Marco asked after politely nodding at me. Neymars facial expression turned from happy into sad as he heavily breathed out. "I can’t", he responded, wrapping one arm around my shoulder, "Y/N leaves tomorrow." Marcos nod told us he was absolutely understanding. "It’s sucks you're already leaving, but it was a pleasure to see you again", he grinned and hugged me before we said our goodbyes and got into our cars.

At the airport, I hid my face in Neymars chest, refusing to let him go as the tears continued to stream down my face. By the way his body slightly flinched from time to time, I knew he was close to tears as well. "Calm down meu anjo, I promise I'll do everything I can to visit you as soon as possible", he whispered, stroking the back of my head and kissing my forehead. I looked up at him and saw a single tear rolling down his cheek. "I love you so much", I sobbed, hugging him even tighter than before, "I really can’t do this anymore. I can’t be this far away from you all the time." Neymar pulled away a bit, only so much that we were face to face. "I'll be there soon, I promise you Y/N. Please keep on focusing on your studies. No matter what happens, I'm right here waiting for you - or waiting for you to call me over. I love you." The last call for my flight. I grabbed my suitcase and fell right into his arms for the ultimate time. "I love you", I repeated again and again until I finally walked away from him slowly, not able to take my eyes off of him.

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eriquin · 6 months

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The Trolley Problem, Part 17

More Tommy and Carol and Steve, this time with an attempt at reconciliation. Things are both going to fast and not going fast enough.

(master post)

Part 17

Friday had Steve on edge. He didn’t sleep well. The nightmares had traveled into the past with him, and the stress of what he had to do this weekend was bringing them out in full force. Mom commented on how tired he looked, but he assured her that he was feeling fine.

He got through his first few classes with no problems. People around him groaned about the amount of homework being assigned and chatted about weekend plans and he listened in half-heartedly. It was strange to not be pulled into the conversations. If he kept his head down and didn’t look directly at people, they assumed he was busy or annoyed or upset. This was familiar.

At lunch, there were no quiet corners of the cafeteria to take refuge in. He nearly went to join Eddie’s table because he wanted to finalize the last piece of the vague plan he had for Sunday, but the memory of Eddie’s private rebuke stopped him. He thought about going to eat in his car, or finding an empty classroom, but instead took an empty spot at a table with a bunch of the sophomore basketball players.

If nothing changed in the future, these guys would lead a witch-hunt against his friends, turning the whole town against them. But right now they were awkward fifteen-year-olds who were excited that basketball was starting soon. They were falling over themselves to make room for him at their table, like they looked up to him. He listened to them talk up the team and the coach and the plans for that season, quietly agreeing that they had a chance at the championship with their lineup. Maybe there was a lot more that he could change, if things went right.

Steve was sorely tempted to skip the last couple of classes, but he didn’t because his plan to talk to Eddie involved catching him before Hellfire started. He was alone and pacing in the boy’s bathroom, figuring out what he wanted to say, when Tommy came in. They stared at each other for a second, and Tommy walked back out again. He was back in another moment with Carol. Steve groaned and shook his head in frustration.

“Wait, just hear us out,” Carol said. “Tommy was just making sure no one else was here.”

“Finally figuring out that you shouldn’t be in the boy’s bathroom, Perkins?” Steve crossed his arms.

“No, I don’t give a shit about that,” she said. She looked around the bathroom. “It’s actually less gross in here than in the girl’s room near the cafeteria. Ugh, stop distracting me.”

“We’re trying to apologize,” Tommy said. Steve did a double take, and Tommy nodded. “Yeah, really. You’ve got shit going on, obviously, and we didn’t mean to be dicks about it.”

Steve waited a second. “... But?”

“No buts,” Carol said. “We talked about it, and whatever freaky shit you’ve got going on... Well, that’s not our business, right?”

Steve watched them both, trying to figure out what their game was. “Right,” he said warily. “So... What then?”

Tommy shrugged. “That’s it. Carol just wanted to make sure we did this in private. Can’t have anyone in the school realize she’s capable of being wrong, you know?”

Carol hit him with the back of her hand. “You were wrong too, asshole,” she said. She turned back to Steve and pouted a little. “But yeah, that’s it. Can we be cool with each other again?”

The whole interaction threw Steve for a loop. “Yeah,” he said, brushing his hair back. “I guess, yeah. Sorry I’ve been such a pill lately. I wish...” He stopped and rubbed his forehead. “Look, I’ll tell you what’s going on when I can, okay?”

Tommy nodded. “You are joining the basketball team this year, right? I saw you talking it up with Carver and his crew at lunch.”

“Yeah, I am,” Steve said. He chuckled a little, biting back the ‘assuming I survive’ that threatened to spill from his lips. “Yeah, don’t worry about that. I’m not ditching the team.”

“Cool. Good,” Tommy said. He glanced at Carol. They both looked nervous.

“Hey, I like what you’ve been doing with your hair,” she said. She gestured at her own hair, and then at his. “You’ve parting it the other way, right? Looks good.”

Steve touched his hair self-consciously. “Yeah, I... I dunno. Changed my routine a little.”

“It works for you,” Carol said. She looked back at Tommy. Steve watched them have whatever silent conversation they had going on.

Tommy sighed and resigned himself to using actual words. “Okay, so your parents are heading away on a trip, right?”

“That’s right.”

“They’re leaving Sunday?”

Steve frowned, knowing where this was going. “Yeah, Sunday morning.” He was prepared to tell them that no, he was not going to be throwing any parties at his big house while his parents were out, no matter what they expected.

Tommy nodded. “Cool. You want to stay at mine, then?”

This threw Steve for a loop. “What?”

“Come over for dinner, hang out, that kind of thing. Like we used to.” Tommy shrugged and tried to look casual about it. “Mom’s worried that you’re not going to cook for yourself, and just live off of pizza or something. She’s making a roast, like always.”

A lump caught in Steve’s throat. He liked going over to the Hagan’s house for dinner. He hadn’t done that in... years, effectively. And he could tell that this was an olive branch from Tommy, something to get their friendship back on track after the weirdness of the past couple of weeks. He just wished that they hadn’t suggested Sunday.

“I could maybe do Monday night,” Steve said. “But not Sunday. I’m busy then.”

Tommy and Carol glanced at each other. “Busy doing what?” Carol asked.

“Just... Busy,” Steve said. He sighed and held up his hand to keep them from asking any more questions. “Look, we’ll catch up next week, okay?”

Carol looked like she was going to say something else, but Tommy put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head. “Yeah, man. Plan on it.” He smiled but it looked tense.

Steve pushed past them and left the bathroom. He stopped just outside the door and sighed. From inside, he hears Carol say something about how he hated staying home alone. She sounded suspicious. He sighed and walked off, shaking his head. Just a couple more days to get through, and then maybe he could figure out what the new version of normal was going to be.

#the trolley problem #time travel #stranger things #steddie #my writing

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elizabethplaid · 2 months

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feb 15 notes, part 2!

Today's a game of good-news/bad-news, but I'm feelin' pretty chuffed (not my usual slang, but it feels right). Notes from earlier in the day are here.

Starts with some bullet-points, then into slightly longer discussion of the near-future.

G- Was in bed and horizontal before 7:30am, phone down before 9am

B- Woke up a couple-few times, maybe got 4 hours of sleep total.

B- Woke by realizing I was picking at my skin in my sleep

G- Put on lotion instead of picking at my skin more, to help me calm down. Somewhat helpful? Clearly, I need to stim, but I need it in a more positive sense than picking.

N- Up and out of bed around 1:30ish. Little jittery but mentally fine.

G- Used acetone to remove my nail polish, then clipped my nails. It's been like 3-4 weeks since the last clip. (Should help with picking, I hope)

N- Nearly out of acetone. Considering I got that big bottle 10+ years ago, that's pretty good. Will need to get another bottle of that and maybe some non-acetone nail polish remover, specifically for non-hobby use.

G- Our late-xmas Amazon order items are arriving. Today was a new camera remote (for the dslr) and a Breaking Benjamin cd

------------

I plan to knit this evening, hopefully catch up with the YT videos I've been avoiding. (I'd wanted to be in a certain mindset while making the bracelets, so I limited what I'd watch during those instances.)

Need to revisit some of last night's music. There was a fun compilation of 90s music, and a few songs were delightful nostalgia. Got misty with a few, too. Those and the ASMR thing from earlier are things I want to make separate posts about. Not quite a "crying log" like @champagnemanagement does, but at least wanting to note things for this time period (eg February, the time I've set aside for mental health).

I've asked to have stew for dinner on Sunday. That day marks 11 years since mom has passed. I had some metaphoric connection of her passing/my grief and stew, but I've forgotten the exact words. It's a comfort meal; it's got more veg than other things I eat. Dad was always more of a cook than mom. He likes to do all the work for this meal, but I enjoy getting to chat with him while he chops veg and such.

Phone friend has expressed interest in visiting, which I've mentioned to dad before. I hope to discuss these plans with my dad, while he's busy prepping the stew. I think dad and phone friend would get along well in person. But we're gonna hang out in Ellsworth for this visit, rather than hanging out in my town. (I still plan to inflict the "Pledge of Allegiance" Burma Shave signs on them, muahaha.)

Amid all our texting, I've had some good insights - stuff worthy of recounting to my counselor. So I'm thinking of taking screenshots, then transcribing the images. I have another week until the next session, so I have time to at least skim for notes. I like having that record, for better recollection and processing of info for later.

Revisiting older notes from previous years earlier has been helpful. Certainly gives me perspective and comfort about how far I've come. When going through some books a couple days ago, I found my copy of Steven Levenkron's "Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation", including some notes I stashed between the pages. I'm curious to observe my growth since those days (ie 2009). Though I didn't cut, my skin-picking has been similar.

I know that this isn't LiveJournal, and I don't reveal all my thoughts and secrets like I used to on that platform. But I hope some of these discussions might help others, as I have been helped by others' writings over the years. The shame and stigma of mental health adventures will still linger, even as our cultural understanding develops over time. Sharing these bits of our inner-selves with others gives me hope that we'll be okay in the end. Progress is progress, even in tiny bits and steps.

#daily notes #mental health

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jule1122 · 1 year

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RNM Fic - Just a memory slipping away

This is an inexcusably late prize fic for @ladynox from last year’s @rnmbingo. The request was for something about Rosa and Maria’s friendship post-resurrection. I hope this is close enough to what you want to partly make up for my tardiness.

This takes place post S3 while Rosa is in New York. I extended the gap between S3 and S4 so Rosa had been in New York for almost year, but nothing from S4 has happened. Most importantly, Mimi lives!

Just a memory slipping away on AO3

Title from “Memory” by Windser

Summary: While Rosa's in New York, she realizes the toll distance - both years and miles - has taken on her friendship with Maria.

One of things Rosa loves best about New York is how she never runs out of new places to explore. Even after ten years away, she still knows every inch of Roswell. Main Street hasn’t changed a bit, every store, every business is the same as it had been when she died. It was like the town had frozen with her. But she was always finding surprises in New York.

Today she notices a small clothing store sandwiched between an insurance agency and a bookstore. When she walks in, she feels like she’s in Maria’s closet. The racks are filled with colorful skirts, patchwork satchels, and tie dye t-shirts. Bracelets and necklaces - silver and leather and crystal - crowd the counter. The burning incense even smells like Maria.

Rosa browses for a while, grateful when no one bothers her, but doesn’t buy anything. She wants to come back with Maria, laugh about the bad knockoffs together, and see if they can find any treasures. She grabs a card on her way out so she’ll be able to find it again, and walks out, phone already in her hand.

“Maria,” Rosa begins as soon as the call connects. “You won’t believe this place I found.”

“Rosa?” Maria’s voice is groggy as she interrupts. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to tell you . . .,” Rosa’s voice trails off as she registers Maria’s response. “Did I wake you up?” She does a quick calculation in her head, and it’s not that early in Roswell.

“It’s Sunday, by the time we got the bar closed and Greg made breakfast, we didn’t get to bed until after six,” Maria explains, her voice still heavy with sleep.

Rosa hears some rustling through the phone, then Maria again, distant and muffled. “Go back to sleep. Everything’s fine.”

“It’s not important,” Rosa says, excitement already fading. “Just go back to sleep.”

“I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Sure,” Rosa agrees before hanging up.

She walks back to her apartment, heart heavy even though she knows she’s overreacting. It’s just a badly timed phone call, but it’s been hard to feel close to Maria since she started school. Rosa’s been in New York almost a year, and Maria’s the only one who hasn’t visited. Liz has come multiple times - alone, with Max, even surprising her by bringing Arturo once. Kyle’s been out twice, and Isobel has come for three seasonal shopping trips. But Maria is always too busy, and as the months pass, Rosa feels like Maria is slipping away.

Maria calls back in the late afternoon, sounding resting and happy. Rosa struggles to remember what about the shop was so important in the first place, but she tries.

“I found this little store I want to take you to. I think you’ll really like it,” she explains, knowing her earlier enthusiasm is missing. “I have the address so when you visit we can go there together.”

“Rosa,” Maria replies with a sigh.

“You can bring Greg,” Rosa rushes to cut her off. The patient exasperation in Maria’s tone reminds her too much of how Liz treats her, and sets her teeth on edge.

“What?” Now Maria sounds confused.

“You can bring Greg with you to New York,” Rosa says again, although she thought it was clear. Greg’s always been nice enough, and while it’s not the visit she’s been planning, it’s better than not seeing Maria at all. “There are a lot of things you could do here together, romantic things. Liz can recommend some stuff.”

“Rosa, I would be coming to New York to spend time with you, not go on a romantic trip with Greg. I wouldn’t bring him, but even if I did, he would find his own things to do or come along with us. Do you understand?”

“Sure,” Rosa agrees, but she’s not sure she does understand. Of course she wants Maria to herself, but she knows people change when they’re in love. Rosa’s never loved anyone like that, isn’t sure she ever wants to. She’s seen what love has done to her parents - broken her father’s heart and brought out the parts of Helena that are cruel and selfish. She’s seen how loving Max blinds Liz to everything, even herself. And no one really understands what the truth of Alex and Michael is. She died and lived again because of Noah’s twisted version of love, and Jim and Max’s desperate love. Rosa doesn’t want her whole life tied up in one person, but if Maria loves Greg, Rosa has to get used to him coming first.

“It’s not that I don’t miss you,” Maria begins.

“Look, I have to go, we’ll talk later.” Rosa hangs up before Maria can say anything else. She knows what Maria will say next, and she can’t hear it, not right now.

Almost two weeks go by before they talk again. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and it’s warm enough that Rosa is sitting outside drinking iced coffee and visualizing her next project when Maria calls. She imagines Maria sitting next to her as they talk, and Rosa itches with the need to share this with Maria.

“You should visit before the end of the month,” she interrupts without thinking. “It’s so beautiful right now, and we can do so much outside.”

“Rosa, you know I can’t.”

“You always say that,” Rosa snaps. “But I’m just asking for a few days. It’s not that much.”

“I know that’s how it seems to you,” Maria tries to explain.

Rosa clenches her phone in her hand, she hates that patronizing tone.

“But between the bar and my mom, I just can’t,” Maria continues. “Besides, your classes are almost over. You’ll be home soon, and we’ll have lots of time to spend together.”

“I’m not coming home,” Rosa blurts out, the first time she’s said it aloud, even though she made the decision weeks ago. “I’m staying in New York or going somewhere else, I don’t know yet, but I’m not coming back to Roswell.”

“Oh,” Maria says softly. There’s silence for a moment, but when Maria speaks again, her tone is bright. “Rosa, that’s wonderful. You always wanted to travel, see the world and paint. I’m proud of you.”

Rosa doesn’t want Maria to be proud of her, it feels wrong, like a pat on the head. “That’s what you wanted too, Maria. Don’t you remember all the trips we dreamed about taking? I’ve been talking to people at my school and there are some great areas for artists in Maine and Nashville. I might start there, do the whole East Coast this year.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Rosa hears something wistful in Maria’s voice so she seizes on it. “You could come with me, just like we always talked about. Liz and Alex can help with Mimi and we’ll visit whenever we can. It will be perfect. You could sell the bar, and we can travel together,” Rosa’s practically pleading now, but she feels like it’s her only chance.

“I could do that,” Maria says carefully, continuing before Rosa can get her hopes up, “but I don’t want to.”

Rosa hangs and turns off her phone, not caring that Maria’s still talking. She runs back to her apartment, to her room and slams the door, grateful no one else is home. She takes a minute to just breathe through the pain of Maria’s rejection. Then she’s sketching, drawing without letting herself think, Rosa doesn’t even know what she’s drawn until it’s done.

When she looks at the completed sketch, tears come to her eyes. She wants to rip it up, burn it, forget she ever saw it. But instead Rosa, traces the lines of Maria’s face with one hand while wiping away her tears with the other before they can hit the paper. There is so much of Mimi in Maria, the sketch is almost a blend of the two of them. Rosa remembers how much she loved Mimi growing up, how she thought Mimi was the most beautiful woman in the world, and her beauty made her shine instead of twisting her into something hard and brittle like Helena. Rosa used to wish that if Mimi couldn’t be her mother that she could at least grow up to be like Mimi. And now Maria has grown into everything Rosa wanted to be while leaving Rosa behind.

Before she can change her mind, Rosa carefully removes the sketch and packs into a mailing tube. She takes it to the nearest post office and sends it to Maria on autopilot. It’s only once the sketch is out of her hands, that she turns her phone back on. She ignores the notifications of missed calls and new texts, and opens her conversation with Liz:

I know Maria called you, but I’m OK. I just need some time. I’ll have my phone off for awhile, but I’ll check in with you every day.

Liz answers back almost immediately:

I love you. Maria does too. If I don’t hear from you twice a day, I’m coming to you. Please take care of yourself.

Knowing she’s bought herself some time with Liz, Rosa looks up her meeting schedule then turns her phone back off.

The next week is quiet. It’s not practical to keep her phone off all the time so she settles for blocking Maria’s number and ignoring everyone else. Rosa makes sure to reach out to Liz twice a day. So far Liz hasn’t pushed her to talk to Maria, but she hears the hesitation in Liz’s voice the few times she’s called instead of texting, and knows Liz won’t be patient much longer. Rosa can’t avoid Maria forever - she doesn’t even want to - but she has no idea what to say.

When she gets back to the apartment, there is a package waiting for her on the table. Rosa doesn’t remember ordering anything, but she takes it back to her room and opens it. Inside the box, there are two rows of CDs in cases. When she looks back at the box, she sees it’s postmarked from Roswell and was mailed the same day she sent Maria the sketch. She knows it has to be from Maria, but she doesn’t know what it means.

She takes out a few CDs. Through the clear case, she can see they are marked with an “L” or “H” and are numbered. That doesn’t mean anything to her so she flips one of them over. The back has a plain white sleeve with numbered black lines for the track listing. After she looks at the first one, she dumps the box onto the bed, quickly turning all the CDs to the back.

Each one is labeled “Songs Rosa would love” or “Songs Rosa would hate.” The track listings have the song, artist and year. Even without the dates, Rosa can tell these were made over time. Some of the sleeves are starting to yellow. The earliest are warped with what Rosa knows must be tear drops, the handwriting shaky.

It’s overwhelming to see the years she was gone, dead, spread out in front of her. The later CDs are full of artists she’s never heard of, she can see how Maria’s handwriting changes from her school taught cursive to more business like printing. She grabs her phone and unblocks Maria’s number. Rosa stares at the screen, not sure how to reach out, how to restart the conversation she ended. Before she can decide, the phone rings, Maria’s ringtone loud in the silence of her room.

“Please don’t hang up,” Maria says immediately.

“I won’t,” Rosa promises.

“What I said before, it came out wrong. It's not that I don’t want you, but I don’t know how to fix it, to make you understand.”

Rosa’s not sure either so she doesn’t answer - just lets the call continue.

“I sent you something.”

Maria sounds fragile, and Rosa hates it. “I got it today. I sent you something too.”

“Great minds,” Maria laughs, a beautiful sound even though it’s shaky. “It came yesterday. I’ve been calling every hour since then, hoping you would answer.”

“Why?” It’s an open question, one Maria can answer however she wants.

“I didn’t want you to think I forgot, that I stopped loving you or you stopped being my best friend. Every day there was something I wanted to tell you, a moment I turned and expected you to be there. Music was the worst. I wanted to dance with you to our favorite songs and bitch about what people played on the jukebox. So I started making the CDs because I still needed you to know. I haven’t stopped which is so dumb, but I have two I am still working on,” Maria takes a deep, shuddering breath. “When you died, I didn’t know how to grieve, now I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to stop missing you.”

“Maria,” is all she can say. No matter how hard Rosa tries, she can’t understand what it was like to live those ten years that passed in a moment for her. It’s why she always feels like she’s lagging behind.

“It’s not fair to you, I know that,” Maria keeps talking. “I should call you when I think of you, I should send you songs to sing or laugh about instead of saving them to CDs and putting them in a box. But sometimes I forget I can. It’s not you I forget, Rosa, never you, just how to reach out to you.”

“I thought it had been too long for you. That you moved on and looked at me and saw the same junkie girl I was when I died,” Rosa admitted quietly.

“God, no,” Maria protested. “First of all, I loved that junkie girl, I’ll always love her. But you are everything I dreamed you would be. You are so bright, Rosa, and so talented. To see you now, healthy and thriving, with such confidence is a miracle. You are exactly who you are supposed to be and doing exactly what you should be doing, traveling and learning and being amazing. It’s everything I want for you.”

“But it’s not what you want for yourself,” Rosa says. It’s not a question, not anymore.

“It’s not,” Maria admits.

Rosa tries not to let it hurt like the first time she heard it. She forces herself to listen, to hear what Maria wants to say.

“For a long time I wanted to run away from Roswell. We talked about it often enough,” Maria laughs and Rosa can picture her shaking her head. “But then everyone else left, and I stayed. Mom was starting to deteriorate, and I couldn’t leave her. I felt trapped and hated Liz and Alex, and even you, for getting out when I couldn’t. Then, without realizing it, I built a life here.”

Rosa pushes some of the CDs aside and lays down on the bed. “Tell me about it,” she asks because she realizes she doesn’t know. There’s been so much going on the last few years, there’s never been time to just talk like they used to. She doesn’t know what Maria’s life looks like outside of constant crises.

“Really?” And even though she can’t see Rosa nod, Maria continues. “When I first bought the Pony, it was for Mimi, to make things as right as I could for her. But now it’s mine, and I love it. I love being a female business owner in a cowboy town and knowing that I’m helping the economy and providing good paying jobs. People depend on me, and I’m proud of that. No matter how frustrating they are, I like going to council meetings and making sure old white men aren’t the only ones talking. I learned to make my voice heard even if I have to shout. Roswell’s my home, and as long as Mom is here, I can’t be anywhere else.”

Asking Maria to leave Mimi without thinking about what would really mean is the one thing Rosa regrets. “I shouldn’t have acted like it would be easy to leave.”

“Maybe if it was what I was meant to do it would be easy,” Maria admits. “And it’s not just all that. Ever since I found out who I am, what I am, I feel like I have to be here. There’s a connection I always felt but didn’t understand. I think Roswell is the only place I can learn to be my whole self. I need to be here.”

That Rosa understands. She feels it too, that pull to Roswell, but it overwhelms her. She can’t think when she’s in Roswell. There’s too much she can hear and feel, and she can’t tune it out enough to breathe. “I can’t be there now, I can’t come back.”

“That’s okay. You're meant for other things. Roswell is too small for you,” Maria’s voice is fond and gentle.

“I wish I knew before that you were happy in Roswell. I thought you still wanted the same things we talked about and were just settling because you thought you had no choice. I was sure if I gave you a reason to leave you would take it.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you,” Maria confesses. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed in who I’ve become. My dreams changed, but I was afraid you’d look at them and think I didn’t know how to dream, that I was just another one of the uninspired people, stuck in their hometown, going nowhere, that we used to make fun of.”

“I could never think that,” Rosa interrupts.

“Are you sure? Because the sketch - I mean it’s gorgeous and amazing. But I see so much of Mimi in it, and I don’t know what it means. Or maybe I’m afraid to know how you see me.”

“Did you forget how much I wanted to be Mimi?” Rosa scoffs. “Especially the last few years when I was really struggling, I’d think if I could just get clean, I could be like her. Mimi was sexy and smart and kind and funny. She knew how to love, but she didn’t take anyone’s shit either. And I do see her in you because you’re all those things. Maria, you're everything I wished I could be. I feel like I’ll never catch up.”

Maria starts to laugh, loud and free, and Rosa’s not sure what she’s laughing about but she can’t help joining her. When they catch their breath, Maria tries to talk, but ends up snorting which sets them off again.

“You mean,” Maria gasps out eventually. “We haven’t been talking because we each thought the other was awesome and were afraid we didn’t measure up?”

Rosa realizes Maria’s right and starts laughing again. “Liz is going to make fun of us forever.”

“Please, miss “I left my fiance in the middle of the night and blocked him on Facebook” doesn’t get to judge anyone’s relationship issues.”

“True,” Rosa agrees. “So now what?”

“We stop hiding from each other. And we find new ways to be close. It won’t be the same, but you’re still my best friend no matter what that looks like. I want to try, do you?”

“Yeah, we can figure it out,” it's the easiest answer Rosa’s given in a long time.

They talk for almost another hour - nothing important, just catching up on each other’s lives. When they finally say goodbye, Rosa ends the call with a smile.

A few weeks later, she’s back in the same boutique that started it all. “What do you think of this?” she asks Maria, flipping the camera on her phone so Maria can see the skirt she’s looking at.

“Nope,” Maria shakes her head. “Sweatshop work all the way. Now show me the bracelets.”

Rosa moves to the other side of the store, holding different bracelets up to the camera.

“Those are nice,” Maria points to a set towards Rosa’s left. “Those look like good quality crystals.

They continue through the store like this - Maria giving her opinion on the merchandise as Rosa browses. She makes note of the items Maria likes the best so she can come back and buy a few for Maria. She’ll be back in Roswell next month for a few weeks, and she wants to surprise Maria with a gift. After her classes end, Rosa’s moving to Nashville with one of her current roommates, but there is a two week gap between when they leave New York and when their new apartment will be available.

When she leaves the store, Rosa flips her camera back, making a funny face at Maria when she sees her image come back into focus.

“Brat,” Maria teases.

Rosa sticks her tongue out at her. It’s easy between them again; they talk every few days. Rosa is slowly working her way the CDs Maria made her, calling when a song hits particularly hard. They argue over some of Maria’s choices - Maria’s picked perfectly every time - but Rosa disagrees just for fun.

“Hey, I want to tell you, don’t make any plans for the 13th through the 16th,” Maria interrupts Rosa’s thoughts.

“Ok, why?”

“I thought we could take a little road trip, just the two of us. Greg and Max can handle the bar, and we’ll be close enough to come back if Mimi needs me. We can figure out where to go when you’re here or just hit the road and see where we end up.”

“I’d love that,” Rosa says. Maybe it’s not the weekend in New York she always imagined, but it’s the time with Maria that she really wanted. Like Maria said, their friendship isn’t the same, but she’s finally starting to believe it can keep getting better.

#rnm fic #my fic #friendship fic #Rosa Ortecho & Maria DeLuca

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soyouareandrewdobson · 5 months

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Nintendo-vember Bonus Round: The art of a Dob

First, I apologze for the late post. I actually had more work to do this week than planned, plus I got really into Hyrule Warriors-Age of Calamity. However, before I unveil the next big post (coming around sunday/monday) I want to do the "bonus round" as indicated in my last post for Nintendo-vember.

What is the bonus round? Not much really. Instead of analyzing anything, these bonus rounds are just me uploading certain Nintendo related things Dobson did outside of the main "level" entries, with little to no comment. In today's case, different fanart Dobson drew over the years of Nintedo characters, particularly Mario, the cast of Zelda and so on. This artwork also goes way back to his very old deviantart days so if you want to more or less see where he started but later on ended up with, here you have it. "Enjoy"

A Zelda comic with a Link design that is off model in a manner, "sexist crap" and lesbians invading personal space...

Mario fanart that really feels outdated in the way it was drawn (that is college level?), Easter Bunnies and a Splatoon comic

His Inktober Art from 2017 compared to a year prior (I actually prefer the more details on Link, but the face really looks wrong)

Okay... on one hand, I kinda enjoy the idea from a macabre point of view. At the same time, Jesus! And once more the wrong number of fingers on each hand

And three Samus Aran's, showing his decline in quality ending in the infamous "commission" piece

some of his multi character pics that actually got him a bit of fame...

And lastly, two pics that were created as ributes to Miyamoto.

While those are not all the pics Dosbon would create with Nintendo characters over the years, they are some of his more well known, but nowadays mostly lost ones.

They also, particularly the oldest, highlight in my opinion actually rather well how simple a lot of Dobson's drawings in the early days are, in the way how washed out and simplistically animesque his characters looked. If you have any opinions on those pics, let me know. I am busy with the next big article.

#adobsonsartwork #soyouareandrewdobson #so you are a cartoonist #so you are andrew dobson #nintendo vember #nintendo #super mario #zelda #tom preston #webcomic

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pbandjesse · 11 months

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I'm at my parents house! And today was a really good day. I'm in a very good mood.

I slept okay last night. After I did my post last night I had an excellent time at the wedding. Just having the print shop open was so fun. So many people came in I got to talk to everybody people took my business card and we're so interested in the printing process. One guy even wanted to print his own. Like actually use the roller and it was very cute. And I had some just excellent conversations with a couple people who had worked in print when they were younger and loved my speech and were really just so wonderful to talk to. I was having the best time. Getting paid was a little goofy because it was in cash but I found the wedding planner and was able to get the money and I put the donation part in the museum's box and I went to clean up.

James had gone to a baseball game and had to come back to the museum to come home with me. They went for a walk and came back as I was finishing cleaning up. They came inside with me and I finished cleaning the plate and I put away all my letters and it was time to go home. I did leave to Chase's that I made there because I had played with a bunch of of our pictures and images and made one that's just ones I like but then I made another one that was just all different jobs that we talk about at the museum. I thought people might enjoy that one so I made a half dozen to stick on our take one shelf. And then me and James headed out.

I ate almost my entire pint of strawberries from the market. And we got home and got showered. Hung out with sweet pea. I made sure I had all my stuff ready for going to my parents. And then we went to sleep.

I did not feel great when I woke up. I vaguely remember hugging James before they left for work and then I slept until 8:00. I woke up and I just did some very deep stretches and that helped kind of shake off my tiredness. I went and got dressed and I still feel like my face has been very puffy lately. But I was okay. And after giving sweetp some kisses on his head, I headed out.

I loaded up the car and I decided I would drive to the museum. To say goodbye to James. And when I got there they were walking down the sidewalk and so I pulled over on the side of the road and they were like what are you doing here?? And I gave them a big hug and they told me to be safe and I said I would consider it. And then I went up to McDonald's to get breakfast. And then I was on the road.

It is not a bad drive at all. Especially on a Sunday morning there was basically no traffic and I made excellent time. I would get to my parents house a little before 11:00. I had listened to the new AJJ album twice all the way through and one other album once. And then I got there and had many messages to answer but that was fine. And then it was just so good to see my family.

The dogs were all acting crazy. They were very excited to see me. And then I went to my dad's room and me Mom and Dad just hung out in there from 11:00 until about 2:00 in the afternoon. Just talking and going through everything and told them all about our trip and things going on and work and just it was really nice. Dad told me about his support groups and how his legs doing. Mom looked really good. She looked very skinny. And things felt really nice. It was just really good hanging out together and petting the dogs and it was a beautiful day.

A little before 2:00 we decided to order food. Me and Mom went to the kitchen to pick what we were going to get and then we ordered and we just hung out together for a while talking and tofu got there which was pretty quick.

Mom said I was very special because Dad actually came to the kitchen to eat lunch. And we talked about money and plans for the future and things like that. And the food was so good. Every time I come up here and we order sandwiches and pizza I am just shocked how good it was like literally I had to stop and make Dad stop talking so I could tell him how amazing the pizza was. Marilyn food sucks compared to food here. Every single time I am shocked. It is the one big thing I miss about living in Philadelphia. The bread is always so good here. So I ate too much but I did only half of my sandwich and half of my fries so I could save them for later. And then me and Mom and Dad all decided that we were tired and we would all take a midday rest.

Before we did that though Dad told me to come back to the kitchen and he showed me some savings. I've never actually seen the savings bond before. I've heard about it in media but I've never actually had one. But it turns out when I was a kid people bought them for me as gifts sometimes so now I have some mature savings bonds that me and James are going to be able to use to pay off some of their credit card debt. So that's really cool. It was very thoughtful of him to show me how to look into those and how to exchange them for actual money. Pretty cool. Thank you Dad. And also my aunt Nadine because a couple of them were from her!

When we all took our little rest I laid in bed in here and just watched videos for an hour and then eventually fell asleep. I've been texting Jess about the basement here at the house because my studio here is a disaster. Over the last couple years I've just used as a space to catch things. And it has gotten out of control. It's not a big space, it's a little closet essentially that has a lot of shelves and drawers and it just was not being utilized in the best way for what I need it for. So we talked about some point in the future her coming over to help me because it was not a job I felt like I could do alone in any good capacity.

But she had family over so she said not today but then she felt annoyed with family and I said you know it would make you feel better? Coming over and helping me organize. So around 5:30 she came over and I was able to give her the souvenirs I got her and some early birthday gifts and then we headed down to the basement.

And just kept saying you didn't say this is going to take so long and I said no I said that it would take less time with two people. I knew that this was going to be like a 4 to 5 hour job. But I didn't expect her to be there the whole time. I'm more just needed help getting things out of the space and then I could spend time organizing them. And she stayed for about an hour and a half almost 2 hours and we got everything out of there and we started putting all of my finished artwork in the shelves in the back. A lot of stuff from before grad school. Eventually I would find boxes of my grad school stuff and my dioramas and put all those away. And I found all of my art that I made in grad school that I absolutely loved that no one else did. So I didn't explore as much but it was really nice to see all of it because I love that work even if I didn't pursue it in the long run.

It was really fun being down there though. We were talking and we're moving stuff and she was telling you about some stuff that she was proud of and drama at work and I told her about my drama at work and some other things just going on in our lives. Because while we text constantly you don't get that good nuance. So it was just really nice. And then we spent a little time sitting on the ground because she got a pain in her neck and I started wheezing because there's a lot of cat dust and ant smell and dust and mold and was just going through it allergy-wise. And then around 7:45 she went home. I'll see her tomorrow.

Me and Mom would go down to the basement so that she could see the progress that we made and I told her I know it's going to look really bad outside of the studio but you have to see the vision when you see insects to you. She was like oh Lord. But we got down there and she was really happy and then I went and got a drink and got back to work actually putting all the stuff we had pulled out away. And Mom will come down to keep me company and we end up just talking and going through stuff and honestly a lot of boxes didn't have that much stuff in it so I was able to empty out five or six cardboard boxes that were really big and full of art and also like five Rubbermaid tubs and there is still more stuff that needs to be dealt with but it is way better than it was and I really should have taken a before picture because it was horrific down there.

Once the Boca that was done me and Mom just sat down there and talked for a while. And that was really nice. But my allergies were going pretty crazy. We were talking about family drama and stuff and plans and trips and how me and James are considering actually attempting to have a baby and seeing what that plan might look like. Isn't that crazy. I've been doing this blog since 2011. When I was 20 years old. And now I'm 32 with a whole husband and thinking about having a baby on purpose?! Insane.

Around 9:00 Mom wanted to come upstairs to say good night to Dad and then she was going to spend some time with gray cat. And I went to go take a shower. And now I am nice and clean. I think I'm going to go have a snack though and go back down to the basement to see about couple little tiny things I want to bring up here. And then I'm going to go to bed. Hopefully I can sleep okay. I forgot to bring my little pill container so I don't have any sleeping pills or allergy meds. I do have Flonase but I do not have my regular pills. That is okay. Hopefully I can fall asleep.

Tomorrow is memorial Day. And me and Jess are going to go to some antique stores hopefully. She did find that some of the ones we planned on our closed so that's pretty sad. But we're going to get snack and a fun drink and we're going to go and look at some stuff and it should be a good time. I hope that it is a really nice day and I hope that you have a really nice day. Sleep well everybody take care of yourselves. Good night!

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living-d3ad-gh0ul · 1 year

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Sunday 25th December 11.32pm

I had come here last night to post the first picture I've put on the end of this post. The handwritten thing. But before I was going to do that, I read your post from Christmas Eve. Please don't apologise for posting late, it's absolutely okay. I understand you may have been busy or needed some time to process things after your doctor's appointment.

I read everything you said about when you were sick and in hospital. I am so so sorry you had to go through that all. That all sounds so terrifying and really bizzare how it just happened like that. I really hope you are feeling at least a little better now and I'm glad that the clots are gone. I will admit, I did worry a little about you. Just as long as you're okay and it's nothing really serious or harmful. As long as they can do something for it and help you or at least make you more comfortable. I am however glad that it helped you figure out some other things in your life and I am truly so thankful that they managed to make you at least a bit better now. I know the prospect of surgery might be scary, but if you need it, it could be the best thing for you. I wish I could be there to hold your hand through every appointment, every test, all of it. The MRI part does not sound fun at all and I would have been annoyed and frustrated with that too. Can't believe they made you sit about for 20 minutes doing weird breathing shit and didn't even make sure they had the most important stuff done first!!

My Christmas party was a lot of fun. I ended up meeting some friends at a pub nearby after and we had a great time too. I will say, I did get a lot of compliments on how I looked that night. It made me really shy and giggly because I'm really not used to it. Reading you calling me beautiful made me blush so hard. Especially when you said about my eyes maybe being more beautiful with my glasses haha. I always think I look nerdy with them. I think my heart actually skipped a beat too, when I imagined you saying that I'm beautiful in your voice. Is it weird that I sometimes read your posts in your voice? Is it weird I still remember exactly what you sound like? I don't think my memory would ever compare to the real thing though..

I did however find out the day before the party that unfortunately I'm going to be laid off as of 6th January. I was really upset about it, but it's not just me. There's lots of other people who will be out of a job too. I guess they are cutting back on staff and trying to save money, which really sucks. But I've been doing my best to apply for new jobs and try and secure something soon before my current job ends. It's sad that it's happening, but maybe a new beginning is what I need. Maybe a new start in the new year will do me good. I do have a job interview on 4th January actually, my neighbour (who is a really cool person) actually helped me get the interview as they work there. It's just an office job taking calls, but it's more money than what I'm earning now and they said it's a not bad place to work. Even if I take it for a little while and then find something else that I really want to do while I'm there, just something to pay the bills and help me save money. I have my London trip planned for August, but I also have a few other things/places I would like to go next year too, so I need to keep money coming in to be able to do those. And pay my rent/bills lol

My Christmas was okay. A family member said some things I don't think they realised was quite hurtful to me. But I'm not letting them get to me. They're not worth the energy of me getting upset over it. I did however get to spend time with my younger sister and my niece and nephew. I really enjoyed that part of the day. And I got some new boots and some Jack Daniels too! Haha. I'll post a picture of those too, so you can see them.

Your post was an amazing Christmas surprise for me. I smiled the whole time I read it, even if I maybe also shed a few tears. I really hope you can manage to find a new job that's suitable for you in the new year. I remember you telling me years ago that you really loved space and that you thought about doing astrophysics before. If that's what you want to do, I say go for it my darling. I think you'd be amazing at it. I'm so proud of you for taking the initiative to try and do what you want, even relearning things you need to again and doing it all on your own. I'm so fucking incredibly proud, you've no idea. Of course I keep up with all the news, you know I enjoy space and all that too. I actually have a huge tapestry in my bedroom of the moon and some of the constellations and galaxies on it. Believe it or not, but it's actually ones from the southern hemisphere. I only realised that a few months ago and I've had it for a couple years now nearly. Fuck it, I'll post a picture of that too. I dunno, I just feel like showing you things today. There's so much I wish I could show you and tell you and do with you.

Being a mixologist sounds like fun! I bet you were really good at it too. I'm really sorry that you can't return to it, but you're going to do so many more great things and have so many more passions and things you're good at. I'd absolutely love if you made me a cocktail one day hehe. I have a few favourites that I'd probably consider, but I'd probably just tell you to make me anything you like, something you really enjoy making. And I bet I'd love it. I think just being in your presence would be good enough for me. I'd just be pleased at that and wouldnt ask for anything more. I'd probably just watch you make it for me and have the biggest grin on my face the whole time haha.

I hope your Christmas was good too and that you had the most amazing day, filled with all the laughter and happiness you deserve. And I hope you spent it with people who cherish and love you as much as I do.

I am still totally in awe at how well you know me and remember things about me..

That when you wrap me round your fingers baby... And you make me do that shit I never do... And you pick me up on Sauchiehall Street... I know I want you to myself again

(P.S the second picture of my tapestry where it's all lit up purple from the LED's on my TV? I just took it right now. Its exactly what I'm looking at right now as I type this..)

#him

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moononastring · 2 years

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hi! I hope you're doing well

I saw that you're the listening ear here for everyone and I just need someone right now

so my bf and I have been together for 3 years but we live with our families (we're from South Asia) so we've a schedule where we meet on alternative days for lunch. we couldn't meet in the past two weeks bcs I had my finals so we had a nice plan for today. but he calls me this morning and tells me that he and his friends made a last minute plan and were going out of town and that he was busy atm and couldn't talk more. I was ok with it. so I thought that maybe we could meet tomorrow or the day after that since I'll be busy with my internship from next week and my schedule will be packed. I messaged him in the evening to ask when he'll be back and he said Sunday. now idky but this hurt bcs, a. he sprung this plan on me out of nowhere, b. he'll be gone for the next 4 days when we had so much planned, c. ik that he has his life and all that but this past year has all been about how his friends tease him that they all will be going to different places for their jobs (this being the last year of college) and I'll still be here with him so he's been more about them

I don't want to sound like a bitch bcs he's great but these past weeks have been so stressful with finals and I got my period just one day before my statistics final and I was just so stressed and in pain and I just wanted him to understand and wanted these few days to relax with him but now I'll here at home and I don't know what to do since all my friends are busy and I've wanted to do since this evening is cry

hello darling <3

First of all, you don't sound like a bitch. You sound like you're disappointed in the turn of events and that is absolutely okay. Your feelings on it are valid.

I'm sorry it's been a stressful time for you! I hope you find a way to take these few days to care for YOU and destress. I know the plan didn't go as you wished it had BUT I think this is a nice opportunity for you to do things for yourself. Yes, your friends may be busy and your bf is out of town but YOU can do things on your own as well. Do something you've wanted to do and it's okay to do things alone.

If you want/need to cry about being disappointed, do that first and let it out of your system. Then, pick yourself up and plan things out for yourself. You've been stressed so if this is a weekend of honest-to-god doing nothing but napping and eating good food THEN SO BE IT.

Now, onto your BF (and I know you didn't ask for advice or a solution BUT), I think it's important you have a conversation with him about it. You clearly didn't appreciate that this turn of events ruined plans the two of you already had and though you said you didn't mind...it seems like you did mind. A lot of times (and I'm mostly about myself here) we say we're fine with things because they're already happening so you feel like the only option is to be fine with whatever the situation is. Don't let yourself do that again. For yourself first, because you don't want to set yourself up for other disappointments. He wants to have a boys trip and hang out with his friends! I get that! Esp since you said post-college it might not be the same! That's fine. What wasn't okay (and clearly bothered you) was that those plans trumped the ones y'all planned out right before things are going to get hectic again. And that is okay. Things have been busier and you seem like you just miss hanging out with your man.

Once he comes back, find time to talk about it. You should talk about your expectations for time together because you don't want to feel like you're not a priority. You said he's great and that's great! So, as always, communication is key and you both want to feel like your needs are being met with each other. Explain why you felt this way.

Again, I know you didn't ask for advice so I hope you don't mind that I gave it anyway lololol. But I hope that you take advantage of this week and do something fun for you. Feel your feels but also let yourself just...take it easy. You deserve a stress-free weekend.

I hope this helps you feel a little bit better <3 Treat yo self with something you like. You're doing great!

#gigi’s tea time #asks #'nonnie #sorry this is long but I can't help myself lmao #I hope this helped somewhat SOBS

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nancypullen · 2 years

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Progress

We’re making baby steps toward getting this house the way we’d like it. I think it was Martha Stewart who once said that a house is always a work in progress. While I agree with that, I’ve always thought that meant adding little things here and there, maybe updating a bathroom or two, or refreshing your color scheme or wall decor. I want to get to a place where the “work in progress” is just new throw pillows or a pretty plant, ya’ know? Okay, whine over. I confess that I’ve had fun the last few days. I’d been on the hunt for a bedside table for Matt’s room. I wanted something with a little character - vintage, retro, whatever you want to call it. I just didn’t want brand new factory-produced stuff. I had poked around a couple of area antique stores and the stuff I found was either too big too small, too feminine, or too fragile. I wasn’t having any luck. Last Sunday we were driving back from dropping off the grandgirl and I was telling the mister all of that. He asked if I’d looked at Goodwill. I had not. So he pulled into the local Goodwill parking lot and I found the perfect piece right inside the front door for ten dollars. Score! It’s actually an old record cabinet, for storing albums - that made me love it even more.

I brought it home, cleaned it up, and got to work. It only took a couple of Snapped podcasts to get it to this point.

Why yes, that is a mountain of Amazon boxes in the garage. We’re due for a trip to the recycling center. Anywho, I put a nice, matte black on that cabinet and replaced the old knobs with these cool leather pulls.

Instead of albums, I filled it with National Geographic magazines because our family is big on National Geo.

And, HALLELUJAH, the carpet installers finally came this morning and I was able to put Matt’s room together.

That little cabinet worked out perfectly! Whew! Just in time, too. Matt is flying in tomorrow and then the whole fam damily will be here for the holiday weekend. I still have plenty to do in this room, but for now it will be cool and comfortable for him. I also had time to put a clear coat on that little chair I painted. Then I had to find a fern. I had my heart set on a fern, not flowers. I figured I could substitute another green plant, I just didn’t want to do flowers, I thought it might be too busy for that multi-colored chair. No one has ferns for sale in late June, it’s more of a “Hey, it’s spring!” plant. Most folks have killed their ferns by now. I crossed my fingers and drove down the road to Clayton’s, a big farm stand with green houses. Lo and behold they had one fern hanging with a few scraggly leftover plants, and she was half price! Score! So this sad chair with the broken seat....

is wearing some makeup and sitting on the front porch now.

Yippee! I love it when things work out. Although we still need to buy granite for the kitchen counters and hopefully get the cabinets painted, I don’t even want to think about it right now. I think we both want a break from begging people to do some work. I’m going to sleep like a baby tonight. Most of what has been worrying me is now checked off the to-do list. Tomorrow I’ll do a big grocery haul. I have forgotten how to feed a crowd. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner for six for several days? I’m thinking taco bar one night, something on the grill another, and everything else I can think of sounds too hot. Can’t we all just sit around and eat watermelon? I’ll just keep sandwich stuff on hand for lunches, but everyone likes different things for breakfast. Maybe I should just buy a tub of greek yogurt and some granola and we can do fresh fruit parfaits. Or maybe I’ll win the lottery tonight and I’ll have the whole weekend catered. That sounds best. Alright, I’m off to plan menus and make a grocery list. It feels like we’ve made some progress around here and maybe, just maybe, these blog posts will become less whiny and more interesting. UPS just delivered a curtain rod that I ordered (I wanted one with a French return) so the panels I bought for the sliders will be up soon. Starting to look like someone lives here! I’ll keep you posted. I hope that this bit of fluff has distracted you for a few minutes from the craziness of life. Hang in there, we’re all due for a win. Good things are coming. I just know it. Stay safe, stay well, stay positive. XOXO - Nancy

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whentheresmoonlight · 5 months

Text

Sand Lines ch6, Sunday

Read on AO3

rating: teen

pairing: bakudeku

word count: 35.3/40.6k

summary: It wasn’t a vacation. It was only convenient that Katsuki’d managed to trick Miruko into thinking it was.

Katsuki doesn’t need a break. Post-war life has been peaceful. Too peaceful. So under the guise of a vacation, Katsuki heads to the American southwest, the only place where he can do the thing he wants to do the most: blow stuff up. Big time. And it’s all going to according to plan for about five minutes, until Deku comes along. They’ve barely seen each other since graduation last year and Katsuki could, should blow him up for getting in his business yet again. Instead, they learn about post-war life in the way they’ve done everything: together.

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Alamogordo, New Mexico

Sleep was no closer for Katsuki than Japan itself. The infernal red numbers of the digital clock were blinking just after midnight and Katsuki hadn’t so much as dozed since laying himself in bed.

It had been an awkward car ride back to the motel. Slight hand touching. The little rubs and stretches that Izuku had been doing for the past few days, but a little more mindless, softly grazing with a lack of intent. A murmured Is this okay? And Katsuki’s answered silence. But it wasn’t hand holding. That might have sent Katsuki screeching through the sunroof.

The hand touching itself was liminal. It was almost like what they’d been doing before—everything would be marked as before now—but now it was after. Izuku was touching his hand, but they’d kissed. Izuku was touching his hand, but Katsuki had wanted to kiss him.

Katsuki rolled over again, shoving his nose painfully into his pillow, huffing in the foreign laundry detergent smell.

And they hadn’t said anything. The car ride had been spent in near silence, thicker than the humid air of Japan’s western coast. They hadn’t said anything over lunch, or the training session they’d fit in at the Missile Range, or during dinner after. What was there to say? What did Katsuki actually know?

Why had he done it? He didn’t have feelings for Deku, did he?

He did. He must. He had to.

That pit in his stomach was back in full force, and it wasn’t jet lag, it wasn’t dehydration, it wasn’t any of that shit. It was a feeling, what became of a feeling when words weren’t put to it, when it went long unacknowledged and your body wanted you to take note.

He’d taken note, alright. But if this was love, then he’d just as soon give it back. The cramp twisting in his stomach could just fuck right off if that was all it was going to offer him.

He flipped over again, sighing heavily as his mind buzzed. Sleep was still a long way off.

“Kacchan?”

Izuku didn’t sound groggy at all. His voice was light, lucid, tentative, high pitched. Apparently as far from sleep as Katsuki was.

“I can get a flight out tomorrow if you want. Or get a separate room tonight. There might be someone at the desk.”

The pit in Katsuki’s stomach tossed and turned much like Katsuki himself as he rose up on one elbow to look in the direction of Izuku’s bed. “Don’t be an idiot.”

“Aren’t I one?” Izuku asked. His voice had shrunk, so small over the sound of the air conditioner roaring.

“Of course you are,” Katsuki said, swinging his legs out of bed and speaking into the darkness. “That’s not new.”

“Please, Kacchan,” Izuku insisted. “What do you want?”

What did he want? He wanted to bite him and kiss him. Throw him and hug him. Fight him and fight with him. Save him and win him.

It was like being drawn and quartered, limbs pulled in opposite directions till his body gave in and they popped out of their sockets. Until he was nothing but pieces of bare flesh open and bleeding for a jeering crowd to see. He wanted, but the wanting made him sick.

Katsuki got out of bed. He walked to Izuku’s side of the room, working off feel and the sound of Izuku’s deep breaths. When he was at the edge of the bed, he kneeled down in front of it. “Hand,” he said.

The rustle of covers being displaced, and a pale hand drew the bare strands of light in the room to it like the moon. The fingers were limp, curled upwards in natural curves. Katsuki found the index finger and touched his to Izuku’s print to print, whorl to whorl.

“I don’t know how to be soft,” he whispered. It came out scratchy and breathy.

“I don’t want you to be.”

“I don’t want to be hard.”

“Then don’t be.”

Katsuki added another finger, hooking the first two together, index and middle. Even just that slight contact set his chest on fire. It was so little, and it made him so weak to be so affected by that much, but any more and he’d run away. Not just weak, but a coward. So he held firm and added a third finger. Index, middle and ring, all latched like a perfect clasp, like something that was never going away.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Izuku said.

“You don’t know anything,” Katsuki scoffed.

“Hah, I really don’t,” Izuku said, and dammit, the nerd was sniffling. “How does it feel fast when we’ve known each other our whole lives?”

“Because we do things one-hundred percent,” Katsuki said, finally finding the sureness in his voice. “Zero to one-hundred percent is fast.”

“It’s like One For All breaking my bones,” Izuku said. “Blowing me into the sky with no way to catch myself.”

If Katsuki were sappier, he might have said, I’ll catch you or some shit, but he couldn’t. The words got stuck in that tar pit in his stomach or the inferno in his chest or the dry tongue in his mouth.

“So I start with just a finger,” Izuku continued, reaching out his pinky finger to tangle with Katsuki’s. That was nearly the whole hand, and now all they had to do was tighten the hold for it to be complete.

But they’d had a habit of holding each other too close back at UA. Unable to bear it when the other was gone, falling to pieces when the other’s gravity wasn’t holding them together. The barest loosening upon graduation was all it had taken for them to spin apart. So Katsuki kept the hold loose, but solid, at least for now.

“Come to bed, Kacchan,” Izuku said. “It’s a big bed.”

“I kick,” Katuski said.

“I’ve been kicked by you before.”

“That’s probably not a great start.”

“The start doesn’t have to be the best part,” Izuku replied, scooting back in bed so that Katsuki’s hand had to follow. “We’ve gotten better with time.”

Katsuki crawled up as Izuku scooted to the far edge, leaving Katsuki with a meager handhold and a body’s length of heat. Izuku was cocooned under the covers but Katsuki stayed on top, warmed enough by the heat Izuku had left. The only place they touched was their fingertips. Any more and the warmth would become a burn.

“Your arm’s gonna fall asleep,” Katsuki murmured, tugging at Izuku’s hand curving back behind him.

“That’s okay,” Izuku replied. “So long as you fall asleep too.”

And not a few minutes later, he did.

Alamogordo, New Mexico

They woke up entangled. A blanket barricade wasn’t nearly enough to keep them apart, it turned out. Perhaps in the cold, Katsuki had sought out the heat of another body, because he’d thrown a leg overtop Izuku’s, and their hands were clenched so tight that the tips of Katsuki’s fingers were tingling.

And Katsuki could barely breathe.

He didn’t dare. Breathing would make it too real. And Katsuki needed to extricate himself before reality crashed down on him.

The leg was easy enough to swing off. But even when Katsuki loosened his own hand grip, Izuku’s fingers held tight. It was like the guy was grinding his teeth with tension, but instead he was grinding Katsuki’s already angry knuckles.

Katsuki leaned in, finally taking a breath that smelled like desert dust and hotel shampoo and clean sweat. He gave Izuku’s hand a light squeeze, and that was enough for his hold to loosen on his own. Then Katsuki slipped out of bed and pressed his face into his own mattress, letting out a silent scream into it.

What the fuck. What. The. Fuck. The front of his body was still warm from Izuku’s, from spooning Izuku and his back was cold like he’d been standing flush against the air vents. And his mind was cleaved in half just the same.

He needed to go. He needed to do something. Light was poking out the sides of the blackout curtains, so it wasn’t too early. He threw on the top of his uniform as he walked to the sinks to brush his teeth till his gums bled.

“Mm, Kacchan?”

Katsuki saw Izuku fling a boneless arm behind him in the mirror, feeling for where Katsuki’s body had just been. It was probably still warm enough that Izuku could tell how Katsuki had migrated, how close they’d been. How they’d stepped over the line from a few fingers touching to whole bodies pressed back to front.

“Get ready, we’re going to the range,” Katsuki said through a mouth full of frothed-up toothpaste.

“Nngh?”

Izuku blinked as he sat himself up and Katsuki’s eyes fell to his lips almost automatically. Lips that he now knew fundamentally differently. He’d always known those big eyes and those stark freckles and scars that wound up his arms like broken chains. But he’d felt those lips. He’d tasted them. Licked them.

And he could do it again.

Katsuki spat into the sink and rinsed out his mouth with the hard water before spitting it out and taking a drink from the filtered pitcher.

“Get up,” Katsuki insisted, walking back to their suitcases and chucking Izuku’s costume at him. No way he was wearing Katsuki’s shirt today.

“Mm, alright,” Izuku said, dragging himself out of bed. Katsuki wasn’t sure if the lethargy was because Izuku had hardly slept at all, or because he’d slept so well he was still coming out of it. Now that Katsuki thought about it—and the adrenaline that he’d first woken up with was starting to peter out—he’d slept pretty well. Dreamless. Soundless.

He wouldn’t dwell on that now.

“What are we gonna do today?” Izuku asked, finally standing free from the covers.

He was dressed only in boxer briefs and Katsuki had to look away. That man had lifted an SUV just a few days ago. Katsuki couldn’t look at him mostly naked, not right now.

“You’re gonna get dressed and follow me out to the car,” Katsuki answered, slipping on his own socks and baggy pants.

“Kacchan…”

“We’re gonna train and be fucking responsible,” Katsuki clarified, clear as mud. “Promise.”

White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico

The silence between them during yesterday’s training had been covered by more big explosions and the distance they necessitated. Izuku had stood off to the side with his sensors and his notebook and Katsuki had let loose in the way Izuku had manipulated him out of for days. But they hadn’t gone crazy, and all those massages had helped. Katsuki felt good. He felt ready to whoop ass.

“Are you gonna tell me what we’re doing now?” Izuku asked, slipping on his gloves.

“We’re gonna spar,” Katsuki replied, walking ahead with long strides. They were here earlier than usual and it showed in the heat. The sand was still cool from the chilled desert night and the sun hadn’t quite crept over the mountains yet.

Izuku grinned. “I thought you didn’t wanna kick me?”

“Changed my mind.”

Katsuki wanted to. He wanted to touch Izuku, but everything was too novel and foreign and just fucking weird, but this. This was their comfort zone. This was the only way they’d touched for three years of school, and Katsuki was only just now realizing it had never been meaningless. Every moment with Izuku had been intimate in some way and had stretched the boundaries of their relationship. And they could do it again.

“Quirks?” Izuku asked.

“That’s why we’re here,” Katsuki said. “All quirks. Full out. No holds barred.”

“Five-second hold wins?”

“We’ll know when there’s a winner,” Katsuki said. “No rules is no rules.”

“I feel like this is how we get kicked out of the country,” Izuku said, his voice warm through his grin as he began to stretch an arm overhead. Katsuki lunged to the side.

“Fucking good,” Katsuki replied. “Get me out of this hellhole.”

They stretched out as the sun rose overhead and struck the land as white as its namesake. It was blinding, not the best place to be loosing bright explosions, but Katsuki’d had worse. He’d already started to sweat by the time they were ready to go.

“Ready to die?” Katsuki asked as they spaced out.

“There’s no one I’d rather have kill me,” Izuku replied.

And if that wasn’t permission to go, Katsuki didn’t know what was.

He blasted himself forward, taking off with haste. He didn’t have physical speed over Izuku anymore, but they were at least matched in reflexes and ability to play out strategy. But there was one thing that Katsuki still had Izuku beat at for sure.

Izuku had already started running his way, just beginning to charge One For All up when Katsuki shot two blasts down at the sand and flew up in the sky. He kept his blasts short and underfueled, letting the reserves stock up in his gauntlets. After all, that was what he was here for. The biggest explosions he could make.

A strand of Blackwhip oscillated towards him and Katsuki dodged, only for a second strand to come his way. It was smart of Izuku to stay on the ground—Float just didn’t control as well as Katsuki’s explosions did, but Blackwhip had a long reach, longer than Katsuki even knew. Who knew how much Izuku had trained it up in the last year while he hadn’t been looking?

All of a sudden, a breeze began to pick up.

Blackwhip began spinning, and soon enough, Float was activated too. One strand served as a propeller overhead while another one spun behind Izuku to balance it out. He was floating like a goddamn helicopter.

The surprise threw Katsuki off just long enough for Izuku to loose a third strand of Blackwhip and wrap it around Katsuki’s waist to reel him in like the catch of the day. But Katsuki wouldn’t go that easily.

He fired a blast straight at Izuku and threw off his meager helicopter, sending the both of them tumbling toward the ground.

When they landed, Izuku had the gall to laugh and say, “I told you I was still working on it!”

But that wasn’t what Katsuki was focused on. They’d tumbled to the ground together, and now their proximity wasn’t so different from how they’d been when he’d woken up that morning. But how they were facing each other. Legs still tangled but now hands on shoulders, pushing the other away as much as they were drawn toward each other.

Katsuki released Izuku’s shoulder and grabbed his hand, glove in glove. That first contact that had freaked him out—hand holding. It drew Izuku’s eyes wide and Katsuki wondered if it freaked him out too. If Katsuki was the only weirdo who couldn’t handle even the smallest soft touch or if Izuku was the same.

He set off an explosion. It drew a shout from Izuku, but it was one of surprise, not pain, not really. Katsuki knew Izuku’s painful shouts well enough to chalk them each to a particular pain level, and he hadn’t even hit a one on the scale.

It wasn’t enough to burn him, or rattle his weathered bones too much. But it scorched his glove so that now his bare, pink hand was in Katsuki’s. For only a moment, before Katsuki blew himself backwards and gained some distance.

“My glove!” Izuku shouted in delay, still taken aback by the dirty move.

“I’ll owe you one!” Katsuki replied, pooling his sweat. “You’ll have to come collect!”

Izuku stood up, lightning crackling around a wide grin. “I will!”

Katsuki shot forward again and Izuku was coming at him in equal measure, one fist pulled back. Both of Kasuki’s hands were behind him, telegraphing nothing as he grew closer. In an instant, he was going to pull both arms out in front and blast Izuku back with a double whammy.

But Izuku was faster.

He faked out a punch, not so much as grazing Katsuki’s shoulder as that right hook went right around him and the left followed. Both arms went around his back and before Katsuki knew it, Izuku had him in a damn hug.

Katsuki’s arms were pinned at his sides, but he was far from out of options. He could shoot them both into the air, he could try and articulate his wrists towards Izuku’s body, burn another hole through his uniform. Or he could opt for the next best thing.

He kissed him.

That loosened Izuku’s hold for just a moment, as Katsuki took in the taste of salt and spit and Izuku. But Katsuki missed that split second to get free, because the next thing he knew, the hug was bone crushing, organ bursting. Izuku held Katsuki close enough to squeeze his soul right out and then taste it on his lips.

But Katsuki wasn’t that easy.

Katsuki lifted a leg to wrap around Izuku’s, halfway to crawling in Izuku’s lap while standing, only to tighten its hold behind Izuku’s knee and buckle the leg in one go.

They went tumbling to the ground, mouths separating just soon enough to keep from clinking each other’s teeth together hard enough to chip one. The moment their mouths separated, they hit the ground and gasps and oofs burst from both their mouths, giving way to laughs. Katsuki was on top, squishing Izuku into the ground, but Izuku made no effort to move. In fact, his arms were still around Katsuki’s waist, nearly as tight as before. Maybe even tighter when his ribs expanded in a desperate breath before more laughs crowed out.

“This is how we get kicked out of the country,” Izuku laughed, using a crackle of One For All to roll them over onto Katsuki’s back.

“Fine by me,” Katsuki replied.

He lurched his shoulder to one side, rolling them over again, both of them covered in pale white crystals nearly everywhere but their lips themselves. When they kissed, pieces of sand were knocked off each other’s cheeks by their noses and dug into the lines of their hands with how hard they gripped each other.

“My win,” Katsuki wheezed after certainly more than five seconds had passed.

“I don’t know,” Izuku breathed. “I think I won. Catch-a-Kacchan.”

“You didn’t do shit.”

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

This was how they touched. Muscles on fire, smoke still catching particles of light in the air, battlefield hard against their backs. Usually Katsuki’s lips weren’t pulsing, on the verge of bruising, but Izuku usually was grinning like this. They often panted each other’s air, sharing breaths better than they shared most things.

“It ain’t a real win if you don’t know you just got your ass handed to you,” Katsuki decided, pushing himself up. When he was upright, he extended a hand to Izuku. A new touch. “Round two.”

Izuku took his hand and pulled himself up, bicep bulging. “I’ll definitely win this one, Kacchan.”

He sent Katsuki a grin that made Katsuki’s heart thrash, nearly sent him into the air, ready to start another round.

“I’m definitely winning,” Katsuki argued back.

He was sure he would.

White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico

“Let’s go on a date.”

They’d collapsed under the shade of Katsuki’s beach umbrella. The shade was long as the sun crept over the mountains but shrank every minute, leaving their toes and fingertips open to its dry scorch.

“A what?” Katsuki’s throat had dried out, turning his voice into a scape of cragged ravines that his words fell into.

“A date?” Izuku repeated, this time with less confidence. “Maybe get a bite to eat and hang out?”

“Isn’t that what we do anyway?”

A week with every meal shared, every activity shared, every moment just as entangled as the rest of their lives had been.

“Hmm,” Izuku considered. “I guess I don’t really know what would make it different.”

Katsuki’s vocabulary had never expanded into this corner of human language. The part that talked about dates and romance and sakura petals. He didn’t even have the words to describe how he felt about Izuku. Something that meant pissed off and happy and concerned and drawn to. And that he liked the touching. Sometimes. So far.

“Maybe it’s just that we know it’s a date?” Izuku offered. “Maybe that’s enough?”

“Well, where do you wanna go?”

Izuku turned his head towards Katsuki, sand sticking to his hair and the side of his neck as he grinned. “Just give me the keys and you’ll see.”

“Remember, me giving you the keys awards me full veto rights.”

“That’s fine,” Izuku agreed. “I don’t think anyone would veto this.”

“Veto.”

“Kacchan, no,” Izuku said as he clung tight to the steering wheel. “You have to read the whole law before you veto.”

“I read fast,” he retorted as they pulled into the parking lot. “Veto.”

The building Izuku was pulling up to looked like Pepto Bismol had thrown up on America’s 1950s and called it an ice cream shop. The place was pink and chrome and tackiness wrapped in checker print and neon lights. A blinding abomination of nostalgia no one wanted to return to.

“You afraid of a little pink?” Izuku asked, reaching for the ignition but not quite moving to turn the car off. “The neon hurting your eyes?”

“Fuck you,” Katsuki grumbled, stepping out of the car and slamming the door behind him. Izuku was as transparent as a tissue soaked with his Midoriya tears, but dammit, Katsuki couldn’t fight it.

Izuku ran around to Katsuki’s side, and their knuckles brushed as they walked to the restaurant’s ordering window. It made Katsuki’s fingertips twitch, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to grab Izuku’s hand, and Izuku didn’t make the move either.

“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” Izuku said as they made their way to the huge signboard with the various milkshakes and sundaes on the menu. Katsuki was surprised—though not necessarily pleasantly—when Izuku walked right by it and straight to the ordering window.

“Hello,” Izuku greeted the cashier. “I’d like to order two sundaes, please?”

“Sure, hun, what kind?”

Izuku pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. Katsuki followed the movement, watching as the pocket snapped flat against the firm, toned muscle of Izuku’s ass. He realized he’d never properly checked out Izuku, taken stock of his assets, or what a stranger might find physically appealing about him. Then, he horrifyingly realized that he was doing that right now.

Katsuki’s face scalded as his eyes shot up to the overhang the building had kindly installed, protecting customers from the New Mexico sun, and stealing Katsuki’s only viable excuse for why his face was suddenly so red.

The guy was stacked, there were no two ways around it. His body was one of the fittest on the planet, and what he did with it—fuck, Katsuki had to get it together.

Izuku was attractive. Katsuki was attracted. And he was somehow only realizing this now.

“We’ll have one mango dango and one green chile sundae.”

Despite it all, Katsuki couldn’t help but laugh. “Damn, this place really is a one-trick pony.”

Izuku turned back. “You wish Japan were too.”

“I wish for nothing, numbskull, I have everything I—”

Katsuki cut himself off. Usually, he’d spit out that phrase thinking about his quirk, his hero status, having graduated top of class from UA. But now, the words carried a new undercurrent, an electric charge wrapped all around the guy in front of him, trying his best to count out American dollars for the cashier.

“Hmm? What was that, Kacchan?”

“Nothing. Stand aside, you’re holding up the line.”

There was no line, of course—it was church hours on a Sunday—but Katsuki still batted Izuku to the side, away from the ordering window. And he thought: Bakugou Katsuki ain’t no coward.

He moved the hand that was shoving Izuku’s shoulder around to Izuku’s shirt collar and fisted it between his fingers. Then he yanked it toward him. The noise of surprise that Izuku made was swallowed by Katsuki’s lips. A hard kiss of lips being smashed against teeth with the power of heroes who hadn’t really learned how to regulate their strength in this way yet. Izuku recovered fast, he always did, and brought a hand to Katsuki’s face to deepen the angle, soften the pressure.

As soon as the kiss was fixed, it was over, and Izuku pulled away, breathing, “Are we doing that now?”

Katsuki nodded. “I am. You can catch up or give up.”

“I never give up.”

The next kiss was softer but stretched longer. Spun sugar of a kiss. A cashmere sweater pulled over both of them in the winter time. A hand reached out to hold. It was only a shame sundaes took so brief a time to be served.

“Mango dango and green chile?”

When Katsuki pulled back, Izuku was still leaned towards him, eyes closed and lips plush and damp. He had to blink back to himself before turning and getting their ice cream.

The sticky outdoor tables were just about empty at this hour, but they were still unappealing when Katsuki turned and looked at them. He didn’t have an interest in being seen slouching over a cup of ice cream, even by random extras. He could hardly believe this was what he was doing with his day, even though he’d been sparring, working out, just a little while ago.

“Follow me,” Izuku said, and, with their ice creams, he began floating in the air.

As he rose, he was hugging close to the building, and Katsuki quickly caught on. He put his hands behind him and fired four good blasts before he was on level with the roof of the single-story building. That’s where they landed, him with the thud of his heavy boots and Izuku with nary a sound as he floated down. The roof was hot, Katsuki could feel that much without even sitting. But there were some ridges of cinder blocks that were light in color and wouldn’t hold on to so much heat. So he sat down and took his cup from Izuku, the outside already soaked with condensation.

“I think better on rooftops,” Izuku said as he sat down next to Katsuki. “Or balconies or streetlights…not so many distractions up here.”

“Not sure what you could be distracted by in this town,” Katsuki said, diving into his sundae before it melted. There was some kind of jelly containing the chiles, and he made sure to get a good bit on his spoon before eating it. The tingle was immediate but cooled in equal measure by the vanilla ice cream, and Katsuki glared down at the cup. Fuck this dessert for being delicious too.

“I don’t know why you keep saying that, Kacchan, it’s really beautiful here.”

The view from the roof wasn’t anything special. In fact, it was worse than most other views they’d had thus far, as it was just of the parkway and the lame establishments surrounding it. Everything but the ice cream place was sepia toned from the dirty road to the hazy mountains in the distance. Like a volcano had erupted and left the whole region under a thin coat of ash.

Still. When that layer of ash was wiped away by the view from the top of the mountains or the depth of the starry night, the place had something going for it.

“Pretty don’t make you interesting.”

“Maybe,” Izuku said. “But things can be both.”

Katsuki glanced over at Izuku, who was dropping his spoon upside down in his mouth and licking the contents off. His hair was as green as it had ever been in the direct sunlight of midday on a chrome roof. His skin was darker, browner, and it set off the contrast up this close. “Yeah, they can be.”

“I think you are,” Izuku said. His eyes were stuck on the mountains they’d climbed just days before. “Is that okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I dunno,” Izuku replied, his voice thick with another spoonful of ice cream. A drop of water dripped from his hands down to the rooftop. “I don’t know anything that you’re thinking about this.”

“You’re not exactly an open book either,” Katsuki retorted. “Or if you are, you’re one of your notebooks with notes squeezed in the corner and kanji too cramped for anyone but you to read.”

Katsuki didn’t know why he was snapping, how he could still be so quick to whip his tongue when Izuku had practically been sucking it just moments before. He bit his tongue to keep as much of it as possible behind his teeth. Luckily, Izuku only laughed, but Katsuki still had to bite a little harder.

“Maybe I can’t even read it,” Izuku said, smiling a fake smile. Not even half the All Might smile he’d trained himself to wear through duress and calamity. “You’re a surprise, Kacchan, but I surprised myself too. I didn’t know I wanted you—isn’t that stupid? Of course you figured it out before me.”

Izuku fed himself another spoonful of ice cream, frowning around the upside down spoon. His lips curved around it and stayed like that.

“I didn’t figure out shit.”

Izuku turned to him, and it made him feel as raw as it always had. Exhilarating as a toddler. Judgemental as a kid. Guilty as a tween. Seen as a teen. Warm as an adult. So much—too much—all the time. He was an idiot not to have figured this out sooner.

“I can’t look at you,” Izuku said, turning away, and Katsuki prickled. Izuku’s gaze burned him, but no more than his quirk did. Hot as fire, but a fire he wanted to hold in his hands all the time. “I’ll kiss you.”

“Then look at me.”

“No,” Izuku said. “And you did figure shit out. You kissed me first.”

“I told you I didn’t figure out shit,” Katsuki repeated. “Sometimes the shit figures you out.”

Izuku smiled again, one that crinkled the corner of the eye that Katsuki could see, and scrunched his freckles closer together. “You moved without thinking for me again.”

If Katsuki could see more of Izuku’s face, he’d probably see some of the sadness that always appeared when Izuku thought about that. The sadness that Katsuki always wanted to wipe away with an eye roll, tell him that his sadness didn’t make Katsuki’s choice a bad choice. But if it was there, Katsuki let it be.

“I only ever do it for you.”

“Mm,” Izuku hummed, drinking some of the ice cream that had melted already. “We should have figured this out sooner.”

Katsuki laughed. If he’d figured this shit out the first time his body had moved without thinking, who knew what might have happened. Maybe he and Izuku would have run away together and the war never would have been won. Maybe they both would have died for each other and the war would still be going now. Maybe things would be exactly the same, except their relationship would be years old with wrinkles and soft edges instead of brand new and too shiny to see clearly.

“The mangos here are blander than back home,” Izuku commented, and Katsuki laughed again.

“You try growing a mango tree in hell’s asshole.”

“It’s really not that bad here!” Izuku insisted, turning back to Katsuki. When he did, his eyes stuck on Katsuki’s eyes, and then down to his lips. Katsuki didn’t know what his own looked like, but the cold had darkened Izuku’s, and they looked shiny and plump. “I said if I look at you, I’ll kiss you.”

Katsuki shrugged. “Fine.”

And he did.

White Sands National Park, New Mexico

“You missed the exit.”

“You know we’re not sparring again today,” Izuku said, and it wasn’t too long after that he flipped on the turn signal.

They turned off the main road and into White Sands proper. Not the missile range but the museum, the gift shop, and the dunes on dunes that went on long enough to paint a white stripe across the landscape visible from any mountain top.

“I want you to remember this place well,” Izuku said. “You’ve been griping and groaning, but I know you can see the beauty, and I want you to remember it that way.”

Katsuki didn’t say that the trip was already positively seared in his mind. That he was likely to look back and romanticize the town’s dirty sepia tone. That he’d think back on this place and think of Izuku.

Izuku paid at the tourist gate and then they were surrounded by hills of sand, split only by yucca plants and the one thin road that occasionally peeled off into little parking lots. A car or two was parked at each one, and people were running up and down the sand, but Izuku kept driving. He seemed to have a destination in mind.

The further he drove, the fewer plants dotted the sand until they were in a world entirely of white. Even the sky above them was bright, that hazier shade of blue that it became just before it darkened into the indigo and purple and pink shades of sunset.

From there, the slopes that had been claimed were dotted with children sliding on sleds and even pieces of cardboard and trash can lids. Anything was good enough as the kids shot near into the street every time and ran panting back up the sand for another go. Meanwhile, the parents sat in sand thrones, maybe enjoying a beer or at least some water as the kids tired themselves out. Katsuki and Izuku probably would have loved it in their youth.

They kept driving until there were fewer and fewer families, fewer and fewer people, and then there were none at all. Just them and the hills, gypsum rained down from the mountains as the Ice Age melted away twelve thousand years ago. It was here, unchanged and changing every day, with every gust of wind, every child shrieking with joy as they slid down a hill, and every foot fall of every animal across the way.

“This looks good,” Izuku said as he pulled the car into park.

The first thing he did when he got out of the car was take off his shoes, and Katsuki was quick to follow suit. There was something reverent about it, like they were entering their homes. Like the car floor where they rested their shoes and socks was the genkan and they’d returned to their apartments after a long pilgrimage.

The sand was cold beneath Katsuki’s toes. Even though the sun had been bald and bare all day, the sand’s light color kept it cool. And it was different than the sand on the beaches of Japan. This gypsum was as fine as freshly ground spices. Fine as pixie dust. Unlike the beach, there wasn’t a single shell or pebble marring the texture—every step was smooth and easy to walk barefoot on as they trekked up the slope.

It wasn’t more than ten meters, probably not even that much. But the hill was steep, and the weight of each footfall had Katsuki slipping a few centimeters down the hill, like walking on a Stair Master. His quads began to burn before he reached the top.

Standing at the top was like standing in the ocean.

There was nothing but waves of sand all around, and beyond that was all sky. Katsuki could no longer see any of the desert, and even the mountains were growing hazy in the diminishing evening light. The sand was no longer blinding, but rather soft and gray, something you could look straight at and take in fully.

“Why did you bring us here?” Katsuki asked.

“It’s our last night,” Izuku replied. “And everything online said that you have to watch the sunset here.”

As Katsuki looked at the dark blue sky, he wondered if they'd already missed it. The sharp, pointy mountains that they’d driven over yesterday were aglow with the last embers of the sun, but there was no way to see the actual horizon from within the desert basin.

Izuku sat down in the sand and lifted a hand up to Katsuki. Instead of reaching to pull Katsuki up, Izuku was already down. And he wasn’t trying to pull or bring Katsuki down. He was trying to urge him closer, which Katsuki would be whether he took the hand or not.

Katsuki took Izuku’s hand. And when they were both seated in the sand, their hands remained together because that was easier than pulling them apart again.

He dug his heels in and wiggled his rump a little bit more into a proper seat. If this were a beach, it wouldn’t take too much digging for the sand to become wet and moldable, but here, like everything else in the desert, the sand was dry. It was more like sitting on a mountaintop of sugar than proper sand, each granule completely separate from the other all the way down until the pressure formed one solid layer of rock.

It wasn’t so hot, finally. The desert sun was no longer glaring down at them, and the sand beneath them was cool. There was even a breeze up at their modest height. It was the kind of weather that made you understand why someone would see this place and decide that maybe they’d settle down here.

“I think we could still be hero partners,” Izuku spoke into the silence.

The fingers in Katsuki’s hands twitched. They were warm. “What are you talking about?”

“I know that the Commission doesn’t want to consolidate too much power in one spot,” Izuku began. “But I don’t think that’s all we could accomplish as partners.”

Well, that, Katsuki already knew. Sometimes, it seemed like anything—good or bad—was possible when the two of them were together. The possibility of them as partners had just been too much for the Commission to handle.

“I think we’d be amazing mentors,” Izuku continued. “If we’re the best, then we’ll train the best sidekicks Japan has ever seen. And then there’ll be more power for the commission to spread around.”

“What makes you think we’d be good teachers?” Katsuki asked. “We were difficult enough as students.”

“We taught each other,” Izuku stated. “I’ve had so many amazing teachers, but you were the first. You probably taught me the most out of all of them.”

It was high praise coming from Izuku, who always had All Might at the front of his mind. And praise from Izuku had always gone to Katsuki’s head, warming him from his neck to his cheeks.

“Then there’d be no reason for us not to partner up anyway.”

“Right,” Izuku said, grinning. “And if we’re working together, then I’m sure we can keep our stats at the top, even if we’re spending more time training other people.”

“After this trip, I’m gonna be so OP, the villains won’t know what hit ‘em,” Katsuki agreed. “I’ll be able to get the numbers twice as fast.”

“See, exactly!”

With the sun still setting in front of them, Izuku’s grin was brighter than the sand or the ring of sun still illuminating the mountains. Katsuki imagined that smile looking back at him as they stood lookout on rooftops together, as they stayed up, red-eyed and caffeinated finishing paperwork, as he reassured sidekicks that Katsuki was berating, as they lay in bed together after a long shift.

“We’ll just have to go on another fake vacation to train up One For All,” Katsuki said. “Then it’s a real plan.”

“Hmm? Where’d you wanna go?”

“Someplace Jessica Rabbit wouldn’t follow us to,” Katsuki mused. “Think you can train up One For All in Antarctica?”

Izuku’s smile softened. “I’d train anywhere with you.”

The sappiness threatened to sink Katsuki down, drown him in a mound of sand. His face grew warm and he had to look away from that smile, back towards the dimming horizon. Only it wasn’t dimming anymore. The sky, which had seemed to be crossing from blue to indigo, a foreshadowing of the quick and cold desert nightfall, had suddenly erupted into yellow, pink and orange.

It looked like Katsuki’s quirk when it was just forming in his hand. A bright bulb of light still stood behind the mountains, but from it was a fan of brightest color. Usually the most beautiful sunsets were ones with many far-off clouds, bouncing pink light off of their bottoms, but there were no clouds to speak of in the sky, so the bright light was just a vivid gradient of color until it faded off into purple and then blue.

When Katsuki pointed at it, he drew Izuku’s eyes, and then a gasp. The hand that had never left his tightened as Izuku lifted himself up, as though an inch or two forward would take him closer to the spectacular sight.

The brief moment stretched as long as it could as the pink began to fade from the sky, taking the orange and then the yellow with it until there was only a dark purple haze and then nothing but blue. Though the sky had only just begun to darken, stars were already littering it, more than reached the big city on a good day. And then a horn blared, announcing that the park was closing, and everyone had to begin driving back to the entrance. Katsuki moved to get up, but Izuku held his hand tight, immovable in the sand.

“One more minute,” Izuku insisted. “Then we can go. Please stay.”

Then the sun rolled over and took the blanket of night with it.

#anjum writes #bkdk #bakudeku #dkbk #dekubaku #ktdk #katsudeku #bkdkbk #bakudekubaku #dkbkdk #dekubakudeku

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angelsnaiils · 7 months

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diary 10/17/23

long post incoming 😜😜 first part is a little venty but don't worry it gets better!

okay, last week was fucking ROUGH. it felt like everything was piling up. fall is always really busy for me but last week i hit my breaking point. i had to finish a 12 page research paper, which WAS going relatively fine until my classmate got an email with COMPLETELY DIFFERENT instructions from the lecturer. that sent us all into a panic, some people rewrote theirs but i had no time! i work on the weekends!! i was SOO pissed off, this lecturer has been AWFUL at communication and we haven't seen a single grade for that class. that on top of the usual workload .. i was submitting stuff right up until about 11:57 on sunday 😩😩

i took on another day of (dance) teaching because one of our new teachers quit... i love the classes (two ballets and a jazz, all kiddos i've taught before) and it's not much to add, but starting them last week was difficult. i am now teaching three days a week :'3

little things like drum practice, family events, and chores felt like the straws that broke the camels back last week. everything felt like too much and it SUCKED.

BUT.

i don't know if it's my mindset, or god having pity on me, but this week is looking UP!!!

three out of five professors gave us the week off!!?! (it's crazy because i thought it would just be two, in fact my critical reasoning class had homework this week, then i was listening to some diff Hz audios last night and this morning it was GONE and he emailed us telling us that we actually got a break!!!)

i slept until noon on monday because the night before, i had only gotten three hours.. so i allowed myself to sleep until i was fully rested! i also ran yesterday, 1.7 miles, and i felt great. basically i got to just take time to myself and fully recharge. today i'm working on the homework that i DO have and then tonight i'll do some ncl practice (its a cybersec comp that i have coming up).

i think on thursday i'm going to take a yoga class before my ia club!! last week i also wasn't eating well or working out because i just didn't have time, and my mood paid for it. today i got in lots of fruit and veggies. :-) and i'm planning to move my body much more.

i'm recovering, and this is going to be a good week.

#snail diaries

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or-something-better · 1 year

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Sam’s Writing Corner

August 23, 2022

🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨

Okay, for this week, “Tell us about a Kill that had a lasting impact on your life”. Could have been your first, or a really difficult one, or even a kill by someone else that you were involved in somehow or had meaning for you in some way. Try to post by Sunday Night.

(This Writing Topic Is brought to you by Patience, so let’s show her some love and write killer stories😀…..see what I did right there? “Killer”…get it?😂Have fun!)

Ruby

THE Kill

I’ve had a difficult time trying to find the kill that affected me the most. Having lived over six hundred years makes it difficult to narrow it down to the one that was most memorable.

So many times I felt like death was an everyday occurrence. Still do. Some unexpected, some planned. And to be honest, I’ve lost count of how many I caused myself. It’s a dirty business.

And I’ve found many types of kills. There’s the “Down And Dirty, Face-to-Face” kind of kill. The number is mind-boggling on those. It’s also probably the one I’ve personally done most.

There are the “Maneuver The Humans Into Place To Get Them To Kill Each Other” kind. Done many of those as well. I still count the Greek/Ottoman skirmish in 1822 I planned, to be one of my greatest feats. It certainly got Lilith’s attention.

There is the “Kill To Stay Alive” kind. Yep. Couldn’t even count those numbers to this day. I suppose you could say they affect me because if I get it wrong even once, it’s over.

I did have a little incident early in my career once I returned topside from Hell. Minor little thing that went down in history known as a plague. It wasn’t planned really, it was an accident. Honest!

No, even all that, I can’t say that any one of them would be THE one. For it to be that I think I would still be affected by it today.

Now that I have had to relive all those memories, maybe I can *come up with the one.

And I had nothing to do with it. But it had a huge impact on my life.

It was 1344. The plague had started in Europe and ravaged so many villages. The sheer number of dead was staggering. I had hoped that my small village that was tucked away from the bigger towns would be spared. But disease will take whatever it can get, and my village was no different.

Our numbers weren’t very much to start with and once the first victim fell, it spread quickly. My brother Arthur was among the first to die.

That single death for me would be the killing that affected me the most. I remember the terror of an enemy you couldn’t even see. And because of Arthur’s death, it set me on the path to selling my soul to become a powerful witch so that I could save my mother and those I could in the village.

So yes, my dear brother, I choose your senseless death, as the kill that charted my course and the one I will never forget.

………………………………………...........................................................

Mary

The kill that left a impression on me was a ghoul. I tracked it for days. Some teens had been reported missing. So I went to find them. Upon arrival I saw some of the teens had disappeared while in the same area.

I went to the area and checked with the locals. All the missing teens were couples. I set up a trap and waited.

A couple walked past me as I waited. Once the ghoul was trapped I beheaded her and got the survivors to safety after burning her body.

…………………….....................................................................................

Eileen

This - is the story of how I died. again

totally suited title for our lives. how I died - AGAIN. this is… well, if you count the time Chuck snapped me away, this would be death number 3. and this time I was innocent! well, more than I was the other times, anyway. I mean, the first time, sure yeah I killed things, but they were monsters. and then Ketch just murdered me with his stupid Hellhound. I mean, I thought Crowley was supposed to keep an eye on them! glares at Crowley but anyway, I got out of Hell when Chuck made the rift open and came out as a ghost, then Sam helped me become alive again.. and then Chuck snapped me away… yeah apparently Chuck didn’t like me very much. well, when Jack took Chucks powers I became alive yet again. and now, I am, again, dead. I’m beginning to know how Dean feels. at first, when you die it’s funny. but after a while, it begins to get boring. but enough about what being dead is like. I want to tell the story of HOW I died. I mean there I was, relaxing with the team, making jokes. I was laughing at Crowley arguing with Gabe. then, (cuz I thought it was funny) I said “no one cares” to Gabe. (cuz he kept sending the same thing over and over again!!) and just like that, I became a trillion little atoms drifting apart after the nuclear blast took my life. AGAIN. I guess now I can see where Gabe gets that temper from. I mean, Chuck did snap me away too… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. and so now.. I’m left to wander the earth .. alone .. forever .. hoping that someday Gabe will find it in his heart to bring me back. after all my time as a ghostly, I’m ready to be back in the land of the living. I mean, I am in the land of the living, but I’m ready to be back LIVING with the living. it has been fun doing some peeping tho.. I wouldn’t dare mention any names, as I value my life. I suppose I could mention names, as long as it’s not Gabe’s name, since I’m already dead, I can’t be killed again really. at least while I’m still dead. but I won’t mention names in case I ever do regain a heartbeat, I may be murdered again. one never does know. I don’t think people really understand what being a ghostly is like until they’ve been one. I mean, the people you can see! no need for tickets to a concert, no need to worry about the presidential security, you can just go in and see him. he can’t see you, of course, but that’s beside the point. it’s kind of an awesome gig. but to not be able to speak to your family… that’s torturous. to enter the bunker and see them all smiling, joking, teasing each other, drinking their beers.. I’m lonely for them. I see Perry the penguin and I want to give him a fishy, but I can’t hold a fish. I want to give bear bear a hug, but I can’t do that either. I can only hope and pray that Gabe restores my breath, and soon.

……………………………............................................................................

Dean

I was gonna make this longer but i guess there's no need. What was my best or favorite kill that made a lasting impact? Now THAT'S an easy one!

It was 2016, Sam and I were drawn to this very weird double murder case is Columbus, Ohio. When we arrived, we learned that this richy rich woman had gone to this old antique shop in search of this really old gold pocket watch from 1931. Apparently, her agreement in price fell through so the purchase was never made before she watched the owner just up and burst into flames before she herself followed suit. Bizarre? Yeah I thought so too!

So, when we got there, we busted into the place to have a look around. Sam immediately jumped on a nearby computer, like he always does trying to find out what this rich hag could have been there for. As he starts to ramble off some crap about this pocket watch and how it where it came from. Something about a bunch of Nazi nut jobs. At the same time I found a secret door and said Nazis? He asked how I knew. I showed him the room filled with old relics and gear.

Apparently, the Nazis owned the pocket watch but it had been missing for years and then we discovered the Thule Society might be involved. We called a friend in Germany who had a lot of useful information about the Thule, but knew nothing about the watch. While talking to him we hear about another body, and once again...spontaneous combustion! Upon arrival to the scene, we see a girl who had been forced into the back of a car and we follow it. So, this guy who kidnapped her, his name is Christoph He tells us about his father and how he died. Then he tells us that this pocket watch...Get a load of this! Holds Hitler's soul!

We then find out this girl, Ellie Grant is a direct relation to Hitler, thus being the key. Christoph says he has been ordered to take her to the Thules because they need her blood to resurrect that douchebag Hitler. So, long story short, we showed up, they captured us briefly, they resurrected the Nazi prick, we fought them, then BANG!

Now you tell me how many other guys get to say those awesome words??? "Dude! I freakin killed Hitler!"

………………………………..........................................................................

Patience

The hunt that impacted my life

Laying out on my car it's the middle of winter I love doing this it's when the stars are at there brightest. The air is fresh, no demons, no monster's just me, so peaceful. As I'm staring up at the stars I started to remember a hunt we went on last month my first real hunt after leaving my dad. Anyway I'm with Jodi, Alex and Claire when Donna calls. She had gotten word that there was a pack of vetalas spotted near Duluth Minnesota dam that word still sounds made up to me. Now these creatures can feed on one human several times be they actually die. They are said to be descendants of eve and a relative of leviathan. So when Donna called we had to rid the world of these creatures.. Jodi, myself, Alex and Claire we all get are gear making sure to have plenty of silver knives to kill them once they are stabbed you have to turn the knife in a complete circle. So, we get ready and head out the to the cars. We meet up with Donna at an old abandoned warehouse. We get out of our vehicle Donna gets out of hers. Of course lots of hugging going on. each of us ready knives out we sneak into the warehouse as quickly and quietly as possible.. Once inside it gets really quiet. Walking through a long corridor we come across one it grabbed me and Alex was all over it. Stabbing it the chest making sure to turn it one full circle... And then we were surrounded by 4 more. one goes after Claire, Jodi has that but then one goes after Donna, I run toward her as I leap and right on top of it. Stabbing it oh fuck I forgot to turn it through me through the air hitting the brick wall. Alex goes racing for it stabbing it and turning it a full circle. I'm still kinda seeing stars from my head hitting the wall. I start to have a vision but before I tell anyone I look around as Claire is taking down the last one. Jodi noticed me holding my she didn't even ask she already knew I was having a vision. So she comes over to me asking are you ok Patience? I just had a vision Jodi I say. It was a beautiful one. Then I tell her in the vision I was watching the 4 of you in action in my vision I realize this is where I'm supposed to be. I proceed to her. That before the vision I was watching you women fight those things. I knew that leaving my father's house that was going to be a hunter. You women kick ass and we along with the Winchesters who will? This was such an amazing hunt and molded what my life is going to be for the rest of my life. Thank you Jodi, Donna, Alex and Claire for being someone I can look up to and learn from. For the wayward sister's I love you all.

…………………………………..........................................................................

Crowley

My First Kill

I slump to the ground with a pathetic whimper as my mothers magic throws me across the run down shack. With all her power you’d think we wouldn’t live in squalor, but she really just used her wiles to sleep her way into someone else's nice house. I slowly push myself to my feet and try avoiding her gaze as she shrieks at me about the herb garden not having the ingredient she needed.

“Mother the market didn’t have that when you sent me for them…” I tried to explain pressing myself back against the wall while staring up at her looming figure stalks closer. “Are you making excuses, you miserable waste of space? Are you Talking back to your Mother?” I’m sent flying by her back hand and feel myself lifted from the floor as I claw at my throat.

It feels like hours until the magic suspending me by my throat is released and I howl in pain as I land wrong on my ankle, a sickening crack shaking my being. My head jerks up terrified, my cry of pain may have angered her further, but instead I find her with an amused smile returning to her spell work. I was sick of living like this, as her slave or her potion ingredients. She always commented how she made a mistake having me, that she regretted the trade for pigs falling though. Looking back at that day, I find that I did too. I was so naive back then, still loved my mother but now, this was a matter of survival. This woman was going to kill me one day if I didn’t do something.

As I make Mother her tea I slip some sleeping herbs into her drink hoping to give myself an opening. It only takes an hour of me limping around attempting to clean and busy myself until she goes to the only bedroom in the house and I listen for the sound of her dreadful snores.

Picking up one of Mothers spell knives I creep towards the room, biting the inside of my cheek until it bleeds to silence my pained whimpers. The door creaks as it opens, causing me to flinch in panic but with a peek inside the prone woman seems undisturbed so I continue to creep inside.

As I hover over her bed, my handshakes so I opt to grip the handle with both hands. Overcome by seeing her laying there, unblemished and unaffected by the injured SON she left in the other room. That she’d leave alone for months only to be treated like less than the dirt she walked on when back home. It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t know she was capable of caring. I’d seen her with village children, and even with some of the men she strung along. No, the wicked bitch just couldn’t love me.

With an animalistic scream I plunge the knife into her chest and see her eyes snap open in surprise but it’s too late. I pull the blade out and plunge it back in over and over in a seeming frenzy, I don’t even count, I just use her as a pincushion to poke at. Her blood is everywhere, covering me, her, the walls and floor, staining her sheets and dripping into a puddle where I find myself now sitting wondering what I had done.

I don’t feel regret, I don’t feel remorse. Honestly, I feel nothing. I murdered my mother and instead of at least feeling freed from her I just wonder why I hadn’t done it sooner. The action had been cathartic, but as I sit in that puddle of her blood studying the knife I’d just used to butcher the woman who gave me life, I have a realization that I had become no better than her.

As I ponder these thoughts, I don’t realize a very bloody ginger sitting up off the bed where she was supposed to remain dead until slender fingers are wrapped around my throat strangling me.

I wake up in the mud outside a workhouse with a note laying atop me.

Fergus,

Since I’m your mother I’m allowing you this one chance to live. I’m benevolent like that. If I ever see you again I will ensure you know exactly what being stabbed to death feels like.

With Disdain,

Your Mother.

……………………………….............................................................................

Sam

While tailing the car in front of me, I try to make sure to hang back a couple of blocks and take parallel side streets when able, all in an effort to keep the driver of the grey Honda Civic unaware of my pursuit. This game of cat and mouse had been dragging on over a week and this time I was sure that I had the upper hand.

Having the benefit of hindsight and a full picture of what was going on, it had been fairly easy for me to pick out the remembered pattern to the murders. ‘One kill, in towns with parks near the highway, and move on’. Even when it was deviated from just the slightest… adding in a ‘skip one, skip two, skip three count’ it was easy to determine where the next victim would be sourced from. I’d been right on the last two, just not fast enough fast enough to change the outcome. Always getting there after the innocent victims had lost their lives. Those were the kinds of shortcomings that would haunt me.

Luckily, the last time it seemed fate was willing to smile on me, and I’d gotten a good look at a car near the scene. When verified against my meticulous notes, I knew I’d already seen it previously. Bingo! Now here I was, in the correct-to-pattern town and following that very same car through its downtown streets.

As the grey Honda turned into a motel on the edge of town, I drove past and then circled back to park on a side street. I had a clear view with my binoculars of the young man who’d been driving, when he let himself into a room on the end of the row.

After waiting about ten minutes, I approached the room and knocked, my hand griping tightly to the blade in my jacket pocket. Nothing. No one came to the door. Looking up and down the hallways, I slipped out my lockpicks and easily sprang the lock. Turning the knob as silently as possible, I cracked the door and could hear the sound of a shower in progress. That explains the no answer. Slipping inside, I close and lock the door behind me just as the sound of the water shuts off.

Pulling Ruby’s blade, I quickly sit in the bedside chair, hiding the blade next to my leg and wait. It didn’t take long before a skinny man, wrapped in a towel emerged drying his hair. Seeing me, he freezes and I can see his eyes dart towards the door judging his chance for escape.

“Hello Jacob”

The sound of his own name seems to jolt him and he stiffens, looking at me a little closer and with much more interest. “Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my room?”

“I’m Sam. I was a friend of your mom’s”

This information gets a bigger reaction than finding a stranger in his room had. Jacob looks rapidly around, seems to breathe more heavily and takes a step towards me. “Winchester… where’s your brother?”

Not moving and trying to keep things from escalating too quickly, I never take my eyes from his. “Dean isn’t with me, doesn’t even know I’m here.”

Jacob seems to immediately settle just a bit and comes one more step into the room.

“My mother considered you her friend.”

His words, spoken more like an accusation than a statement, still have the power to sting me all of these years later. “I tried to be.”

Jacob’s manner changed in an instant and the Kitsune within roared to life screaming. “You sent your brother to murder her!” In the a blink of the eye, he launched himself at me with claws extended and meaning to kill.

I knew before entering this room that only one of us would ever be leaving again. As Jacob screamed, I managed to lift the unseen blade at my side and the force of his impact against it impaled it in his chest handle deep.*

Surprise briefly flashed in his eyes before the light went out of them completely and his dead body slumped against me. I had to sit that way for a minute while my heart rate lowered from its heart busting rhythm. Finally able to breath regularly again, I push his body back, I stand up and let Jacob Pond drop back onto the hotel bed.

Despite knowing the Kitsune that he was, standing here and looking on his not even 20-year-old face was painful. Amy had planned and worked so hard to make a normal life for herself and her son and had largely succeeded until I came back into it. Her death, at my brother’s hand, ended any chance of Jacob growing up without killing to survive. Those countless souls he’d murdered since were blood on our hands, mine and Dean’s.

Wiping the blood off my blade, I stashed it back in my pocket and take a deep breath.

“Now it’s finished, Dean…”

I hope maybe now, that long ago chance meeting of a young Amy Pond in that Lincoln, Nebraska Library would stop its ability to haunt me.

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eliceislandent · 1 year

Text

The best-laid plans of mice and men oft go astray."

-proverb

“Der mentsh trakht un got lakht” is an old Yiddish adage that translates to Man plans and God laughs.

I mention these because it’s been a week since I posted. I want this blog to be a frequent bts look at life as a writer and producer and consistency is a key part of that. Unfortunately, the universe had other ideas.

On Sunday I went down hard with a 24-hour bug. It wasn’t that I felt so terrible (tho I didn’t feel great), but I was very tired. Ask anyone who knows me and I am rarely tired and don’t need quite as much sleep as most.

But sleep is what I did, most of Sunday and half of Monday, MLK Day.

By the afternoon I started to feel better tho by then my stomach was a little topsy turvy. I did what work I could editing one chapter in “The Double” (Eddie Ankin Book One). Then, editing a couple of videos for YouTube and social media that I had previously shot. I got those posted and called it a day.

Unfortunately, that night my middle daughter caught what I had and woke up sick on Tuesday. So, what I planned to be a full day spent working while watching my son, was also spent caring for my under-the-weather little girl. To paraphrase Maxamillian Schell from The Freshman, “Carmine said one….but there are two.”

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At least I avoided the Komodo dragon.

By this morning the middle child was on the road to wellville, but not surprisingly my eldest and my youngest were now sick with the same cold.

So, rather than much writing, editing, or filming, I’ve been hopping to and fro taking care of the whole family today.

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Which…while thankless at times…is the greatest job in the world (hard and exhausting…but great)

On the writing front, I am revising a few chapters of “The Double” leading up to the final showdown to be sure the story flows and the tension is ratcheted up before the climax. So I worked on that in fits and starts throughout the day.

Late last night, I spent a couple of hours revising the outline for a horror film I am writing on spec. Then I watched The Last of Us and went to bed

The Last of Us pilot episode is really really good.

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I wrote a script a couple of years ago for a producer at Netflix called HIDE BEHINDS based on a camp ghost story I heard while a camper at Camp Winaukee (yes, Winaukee like the ship gunner who gave Christopher Walken the watch in Pulp Fiction which Walken wore up his ass all those years before giving it to young Butch (Bruce Willis). Or maybe the camp was named after an American Indian tribe. One or the other. But I digress…)

Nothing came of that script but I also never shopped it anywhere else because I was busy at the time with other projects. But, I figure that HIDE BEHINDS, along with this new script, will hopefully be a double barrel blast of terror when sent to Hollywood producers, directors, and actors.

As for today, the only real thing I’ve gotten to is this blog post which I started writing about 28 minutes ago when all three children blessedly fell asleep for much needed naps.

Going forward, I plan to bring a production mindset to all my work and responsibilities. Rather than trying to multitask writing, filming, editing, or marketing, never mind advertising, developing, producing, plus family time, I am going to dedicate each day fully to one thing (okay two things because apparently it is illegal in some states to neglect your children…What’s that? It’s illegal in all states? Good to know.)

Next week, I am shifting to a full-on batch mentality:

-Writing days.

-Production days (shoot and edit).

-Marketing days

In television production when you shoot more than one episode at a time (to save time, money, or for logistics) it’s called double-boarding episodes.

The schedule is broken down by scenes that can be shot at the same time, even if they may appear in different episodes.

Often, a single director will double-board episodes so that there isn’t the same time spent transitioning between episodic directors.

In Game of Thrones for instance a director who shot the big battle sequence that spans two or three episodes may not be the credited director on all three. However, they (along with second-unit directors) did shoot scenes that appeared in other episodes.

Batching is kinda the online video equivalent and has become something of a mentality in the “rise-and-grind” world we all supposedly live in. Personally, the only rising and grinding I do is for coffee.

With that said, I hope all of you are healthy and remain so throughout 2023 (with wealthy and wise soon to follow). More to come this week.

#writing tip #writing life #writing a book #books #movies #scary movies #hollywood #sick day

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mercur1e · 3 years

Note

Helllooooo

Soo I just saw you're headcannons are literally 💞💞

It's lowkey the only thing keeping me safe and alive ✋😌......soooooo can I request Gom + kuroko and kagami (if it's to much you can just doo Aomine, Kise and Midorima and akashi)where they accidentally hurt their s/o feelings pleaaseeeeee..... I need some angst but please end it in fluff (cuz i lowkey cannot handle it)

Please take care of yourself, your health always comes first, I love youuuu ❤❤❤

Ofc love! I hope you're doing well and I love you too :) <333

Akashi

He disregarded your hard work :(

You're trying to start your own small business and you're having a little trouble, which is not unusual that happens sometimes!

You were having trouble hiring employees and you were talking to him about it, and he was in a bad mood prior to you approaching him

"You're not going anywhere with this. It would just be better to give up on it. You're not going to make it that far even if you do succeed. And can you leave? I'm busy and all you're doing is acting as a distraction."

You just froze, you couldn't believe what he had just said

Not only did he know how much work you were putting in, he also knew how excited you were for the future of your shop too

You didn't even say anything, you just froze with shock, hurt, and surprise and stomped out of his office

You left the house, you needed some time to cool off and cry

It took Akashi a second to realize what he had said and how hurtful his words were, so he started looking all over for you in the house. He goes into the garage to see your car is gone and he assumes the worst.

You don't pick up the phone when he calls you or answer his texts, opting to turn it off after the fifth call.

You stay by your best friend for the night and they comforted you and told you he probably didn't mean it, and that you can stay as long as you need

After you leave from by your friends place you go to your favorite cafe for some breakfast

And guess who's there, Akashi.

You turn around and walk out because you were honestly not ready to deal with him just yet and it was too early in the morning for all that

He catches you on the way out and apologizes :)

"Love, I apologize for what I said yesterday. It was inconsiderate, hurtful, and wrong. You've been working so hard on your business and you're doing your best to make it happen. I was in a bad mood yesterday and I dont know what came over me. Will you forgive me?"

Looking you in the eye as he spoke every word, holding your hands and rubbing them, you know he was truly sorry and wants to fix what he did.

"I forgive you Sei, but what you said was really hurtful. You know how much this means to me and how much work I've been putting in. But I do forgive you."

He takes you out to eat at your favorite restaurant and watch a movie afterwards back at home, kisses you tons and holds you in his arms when you fall asleep.

He also puts in a good word with his work associates about your business and you gain more employees and popularity! But unless you want to do it completely on your own he's there supporting you every step of the way and giving you advice :)

Midorima

He acts like your affection is kryptonite, even though you're not a clingy or overly-affectionate person

You guys had been together for about 3-4 months

He always brushes you off even at the most simplest acts of affections, you're starting to really question if he even wants to be together.

Well this particular time he embarrassed you in front of the team :/

There was a break in between practice and you went to give him his water bottle and give him a hug

"Hey Shin he's your water bottle, don't work yourself too hard okay?"

After that you went in for a quick hug but he held a hand against your chest and glared at you

"Why are you always so clingy? You're always on me and its annoying. Can you just leave me alone or leave?"

He said that right in the middle of the court, everyone's eyes were on you and you felt embarrassed.

"...alright."

That's all you after said you shoved the water bottle into his hand and walked out of the gym.

Takao was the one to call him out on his behavior and tell him that he was being rude and that he should apologize

Midorima took that advice and after practice, he went to find you and apologize, except you weren't anywhere he checked or thought you would be

You avoided him for 3 days straight until he arrived at your house unannounced

Your lucky item in his hand, he gives you a well deserved apology

"Y/N I- I'm sorry that I was being rude to you. There was no reason for me to act like that and I haven't been appreciating you like I should. That was rude of me and I hope you except my apology. Also- this is your uh lucky item."

He hands you a plushie :)

He gives you hugs and reassures you that he appreciates your affections despite him not being used to it!

He also got an extra lap at practice from Miyaji lol but he decided not to tell you that part

Kise

Is very busy and it's sometimes hard to make time for you :(

And you also couldn't show him affection in public or be around him because his fangirls would throw a hissy fit

He hasn't been answering his phone and he can't really get that close to you at school so you've been feeling left behind

When you finally managed to catch him, you said you wanted to go out and just catch up because you two haven't spent much time together and he agreed

However Kise forgot about the plans and you were waiting at the restaurant, alone.

You went home that night upset, tired, and wondering if you even want to be in a relationship anymore

You stopped texting him and talking to talk to him at school, not that you even had that much time to talk to him and school anyway

Kise had realised a whole day later that he had forgotten about the plans you two had made together

He took off from work the whole week, even though his manager was mad about it and went off to find you

He found you at a park after school and approached you with flowers in his hand

"Y/N baby I'm so sorry I forgot about our date. I can't imagine how you must've felt and to make up for it I called the whole week off! I'm really, really sorry that I havent had time for you. Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you Kise I'm just really hurt that you stood me up. You knew we hadn't spent alot of time together and I was really hoping to catch up with you that night. But I'm just happy you're here."

He takes you to a concert! Your favorite artist was in town and he bought tickets for the two of you!

The whole week was filled with fun, love, and lots of conversations :)

He promises to make more time for you and be there for you whenever he can!

He also posts you on his socials and shows you affection at school, showing his fangirls that he's not for them, but for you and they can go away of they don't like that

Aomine

You feel like he doesn't put any effort into the relationship

It's always you doing everything, it just gets tiring

He doesn't really make an effort to do anything, like plan dates, hang out, or just spend time together

He also uses basketball as an excuse to not hang out with you when you already know he's not at practice

Like if you want alone time man just say that

So you had planned a date for you two, nothing big just going to the movie theaters yk

He cancelled last minute, saying Imayoshi was forcing him to come to practice

It was a sunday, they don't have practice in sunday

You talked to Momoi as she is a close friend of yours too, about how you feel like you're the only one making an effort and that you feel like he doesn't want to spend time with you

She tells you to confront him about it, so you do

The next time Daiki comes to your house you ask him about it

"It just feels like I'm the only one putting work into the relationship and I feel like you're avoiding me. You make up excuses to not be with me and bail on me last minute...do you even want to be with me? And if you do want alone time just be upfront about it, don't give me terrible excuses or flake out on me."

Aomine honestly didn't know you felt that way

Now that he looks back at it, it has been mainly you doing most of the stuff in the relationship, and he can see why you feel like it's only you trying

"You're right, it has been mainly you doing stuff for both of us. I'm gonna start putting in more effort because it's time I do. I'm sorry that I've been making shitty excuses to not hang out with you, and cancelling all of a sudden. I'll be honest when I don't feel like going out and I'll spend more time with you."

He makes it up to you by taking you to a festival and going to see a movie with you

True to his word, he starts putting more effort into y'alls relationship and you two take turns planning dates

And if he doesn't feel like going out you guys have at home dates instead :)

I know this took a little longer than usual, I'm sorry for the little setback. Hopefully you like them! Thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated! Love you <333

#akashi seijuurou x reader #aomine daiki x reader #midorima shintaro x reader #kise ryota x reader #knb x black! reader #knb x poc!reader #knb x reader #aomine daiki x black!reader #aomine daiki x poc!reader #akashi seijuro x black!reader #akashi seijuro x poc!reader #midorima shintaro x black!reader #midoroma shintaro x poc!reader #kise ryouta x black!reader #kise ryouta x poc!reader #knb angst

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leascorner · 3 years

Text

j.b.b. | Marley

Summary: Eventually, Bucky gave his deepest secrets away and you let him know yours. Her name was Marley.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x single mom!reader

Warnings: Mention of past and present relationships, parenting, mention of food

Word Count: 3.7k

a/n: This is my first story posted on here. I’ve been writting for +12 years now but for the last couple of years, I couldn't finish a single story. Turns out Bucky Barnes was all I needed to get over my massive writer’s block. Feedback is greatly appreciated. (Also, english is not my native language so if you spot any grammar mistake, please let me know!)

Masterlist

It all began with his friend, Sam.

On a night they were out for drinks, he had made it his mission to find someone for Bucky. Someone or anyone for the matter. He talked to everyone in the bar that night, while Bucky drank his beer, sitting at the counter. When it was clear enough that nobody there that night would keep grumpy Bucky company, Sam turned his attention on the dating app his friend had downloaded on his phone some weeks ago. He probably went through a dozen of profiles, sometimes showing the phone screen to Bucky, to what he would just respond by rolling his eyes and drinking some more beer.

That was until Sam showed him your profile. Bucky stared a second longer to the picture displayed on his phone screen than for the others. He couldn't tell what that was: the smile on your lips, the wrinkles at the side of your eyes or simply your eyes; but he couldn't get his eyes off it. Sam immediately started typing a message for you to what Bucky obviously protested. He did not need company because he was just fine on his own.

Despite his super-soldier abilities, he wasn't quick enough to take the phone from his friend's hands. The smile that appeared on Sam’s face annoyed Bucky even more. "What are you afraid of, though guy?" Sam had asked and Bucky eventually backed off, letting him do whatever he was planning on doing. There was no point in stopping Sam. He knew you wouldn't be interested anyway... To be honest, who would be? Bucky got his phone back along with a smirk from his friend. There was no answer after that, and Sam eventually found another topic to annoy the heck out of Bucky.

When he woke up the next morning, your reply notification was patiently waiting for him. For a second, he thought of deleting it, without having a look first. What did he have to lose? Gathering his courage, he opened it. Your words were as genuine as your smile and it made him grin like an idiot, though he made a mental note to later murder Sam for his poor choice of pick-up line. It took him the whole morning to be able to type an answer and another afternoon to press the ‘send’ button. It was the first text of many. Eventually, a lot of texts turned into calls; that turned into meeting up in your favorite French bakery; that turned into movies and restaurant dates.

This was nearly one year and a half ago.

Your relationship with Bucky was cautious and steady. He liked how you would give him his space, but still being right there for him. He liked that you let him stare at you in total awe or that you always had small kind thoughts for him like when you made his eggs the way he preferred in the morning and that everything was so simple - obvious even - by your side. Eventually, Bucky gave his deepest secrets away and you let him know yours.

Her name was Marley.

If Bucky was being honest, finding out you had a two and a half years-old daughter was quite the shock. Not that he couldn't have seen that coming; you would always make plans, your handbag was always full of snacks and hand wipes and for some reason, you would never be available between five and eight p.m. That was also what he liked about you. The stability.

The idea of being involved in a relationship with somebody that already had a child did scare him off. If he decided to continue the relationship, it would not only be a matter of breaking your heart in the process – and well, maybe his too - but breaking a child's heart too. And that more than anything, he was refusing to assume the responsibility, but he owed you that much. You knew his deepest secrets and still, you didn't run away from him. Worse, you trusted him to be around your child.

You both had a lot of discussions about him meeting Marley - Bucky even seek advice to Sam. And as for the rest of your relationship, you took it slow. It started with Bucky showing up to your Sunday walk in Central Park, feeding up the ducks and sharing snacks. You also spent some time at the carnival where he would watch you two on the carousel – sometimes joining the ride too - and he would help Marley win at pick a duck or buy her popcorn. Eventually, he would spend more time with the two of you. It started with spending at least one evening per week at your place, making dinner while watching you playing with Marley in the living room. One evening turned into two, three, five evenings per week. He still could step out if he needed. You still could spend time with your daughter where he wasn't there. You still spent time just the two of you, when Marley was asleep at night or he would take you on date nights. The routine you three put in place was nice, but Bucky wasn't planning on taking Marley’s dad place. God, he would never see himself as a dad and Marley already had one - though in Bucky's opinion, he would not be awarded father-of-the-year.

Today, Bucky was picking Marley up from daycare.

He had done it a million times already, but this time was a little bit different. He was doing it on his own. The babysitter stood you up and you were stuck in an endless one-day meeting. You had called in utter panic, asking him to pick Marley up from daycare and taking care of her until you would be home. He had assured you he would do it and it would be fine. Now that he was standing in front of the building, he was doubting himself. He didn't know if he could do it on his own.

Another shaky sigh and Bucky entered the building. The childcare workers greeted him when he showed up at Marley's room. She was sat at one of these tiny tables making some kind of collage crafts. He planned on waiting for her to finish, just staring like he always did, before announcing himself, but Marley spotted him the second his figure appeared at the door.

"Bucky!" Marley cried out, leaving everything behind and running towards him.

"Hey Mar-Mar," he smiled. She always seemed happy to see him and Bucky wondered if she would eventually grow tired of him being always around.

After they hugged each other, Marley was called to put away her crafts and Bucky encouraged her to go do it. In the meantime, he collected her stuff - her panda backpack, shoes, and coat - so he could get her ready to leave. And he did just that when she got back to him.

"We are taking the train home. I'mna carrying you, is that okay?"

She wrapped her little arms around his neck in response and he lifted her up from the floor. After sharing goodbye to the childcare workers, they were heading home.

On their way to the station, Marley explained in every detail what she had done at daycare that day; Bucky was listening carefully, sometimes asking questions - Carol, she is the one with the curly hair, right? Was Mark mean to you again? - but mostly he was just nodding along. They made it to the station just in time to take the 5:17 p.m. train. It was rush hour and Bucky mindfully chose to hop on one of the cars at the end of the train - the ones he knew would be the less busy at this time of the day. He had only seven stops, so he didn't sit and stood against one of the train windows. By that time, Marley had finished reporting on her day, and she was just watching around, smiling at anyone she would make eye contact with.

After the second stop, her eyes caught the sight of the dog tag around Bucky's neck. She fiddled it through his T-shirt, probably wondering what that was, before taken it out to have a closer look. In her tiny hands, the metal tag seemed to be huge. She looked up at Bucky, with bright eyes and he swore, he would do anything for these eyes.

"What is that?"

"Uh- " Bucky wasn't sure how to explain it in a way a three-years old would understand. "-Every soldier has one. It uh- has my name on it and some other information."

"Is it if you get lost?" she asked, her little eyebrows raised high on her forehead. She did understand a lot of the world around her for her age. "Mommy put a card with her name and her phone number in my bag."

"Yeah, it's something like that."

Marley smiled at him and returned her attention on the letters’ reliefs on the metal. By the fourth stop, she was resting her head on his shoulder while he was still firmly (but not too much) holding her with his left arm. She kept holding his dog tag in her tiny fist and was patiently waiting.

"She is very sweet," the old lady sat on the seat in front of them said to him before leaving the train.

He nodded shyly and looked back at the little girl in his arms. Marley looked so much like you. Her face had still some baby features, she just turned three after all, but she had the same nose and her eyes had the same color as yours. They were the same piercing eyes that when they’d look at him, he felt like they could read his soul. And she did not just look like you. She had also some of your habits and personality traits. She would always be smiling to people she didn’t know. She was always saying ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry’. She was obsessed with any kind of animal; the Sundays walks would last forever if she could pet all the dogs she encountered.

The rest of the ride was quiet, and Bucky got off the train on the seventh stop as planned. At the station, people turned on them as they passed. Maybe this was an odd sight: a man in combat boots, dark jeans, and a black leather jacket, carrying a small child in his arms. Especially knowing the kid in question was wearing white leggings, a red fluffy coat, and a stuffed panda backpack. Bucky didn't mind and continued his way to your place.

Marley stayed quiet for the five minutes’ walk to your place, but once Bucky had turned on your street, she wriggled to be freed of his hold. Once her feet touched the ground, she directly ran towards a car parked not far away. She squatted down and started clicking her tongue. A ginger cat immediately came out from underneath the car.

"Careful," Bucky called out. He knew it was not recommended interacting with stray cat as they could be sick with all sorts of disease. And to be fair, it got him a little worried the cat was getting this close to Marley. He could already see her getting bitten by the cat, getting rabies, and losing her arm, or worse: dying.

"That's Gus, he lives at number 7," she said pointing at the building they stopped in front. It had the number written on it.

Gus started rubbing itself against Marley's shins and she gently petted his back. The cat then went to rub on Bucky's combat boots, also greeting him even though they never encountered before. And it continued his way to the building's porch, where it lazily lay down.

"Mommy said we could have a cat when we get a house."

"I've got a cat," Bucky stated and Marley cried out in excitement. She asked him about a hundred questions. What was its name? What was it looking like? Was it friendly? Was it sleeping in his bed with him at night? Bucky never failed to answer one of her questions and they talked about that until they made it in front of your apartment door.

Marley was already on her way to her room when Bucky turned around after locking the door. She had removed her shoes and coat on her own and left them behind without putting them away like you would always request it.

"Uh-uh, we go wash your hands first, okay?"

After that was done, she ran to her room for good this time. Bucky went back to the living room and focused on what he could do to help you. He knew you would get home exhausted from your day at work and he did not want to have you do all the chores you usually did. It was the least he could do.

Somehow, your place was always tidier than his, and he lived on his own. In the kitchen, he found breakfast dishes in the sink and the dishwasher full of the dishes that had been cleaned the night before. That was where he would get started. He put away the dishes easily; he had been around your kitchen a lot those last months and he knew exactly where everything was. He even knew where you were hiding away the chocolate and candies; somewhere Marley didn't have access to.

"Hey Bucky, can I have snacks?"

A look at the watch sitting on his right wrist, she had still a good hour and a half before dinner and he replied positively. He wiped his hands on the dish towel resting on his shoulder and took one of these bamboo sectioned plates he just washed. He was reaching out to the first cupboards in front of him when it suddenly appeared to him, he had no idea what he could give her.

"What does your mom usually give you?" He asked Marley, turning back to her.

Marley shrugged. "Carrots and hummus." And Bucky swore this kid was eating healthier that he ever had.

He started by the fridge, looking for anything he could give to Marley. Thankfully, she wasn't a picky eater so it would be easy for him. Tonight's dinner was in it, along with some vegetables and fruits. He chose grapes because it was the only food, he could see himself eating at that time of the day.

"Grapes and uh-" he looked at the cupboards right next to the fridge "- crackers?"

Marley nodded. Bucky prepared it all on her plate, making sure there was just enough for her to be full but not too much so she would still eat dinner, and handed it to her. She carried it carefully to the living room, Bucky following behind. She had laid out all her crayons on the coffee table next to her Paw Patrol coloring book. He knew about this cartoon because it was the only one Marley ever wanted to watch, she was literally obsessed with it, and she did make him watch some episodes with her. He knew that, when she was playing alone in her room, she would usually pretend she was saving the world with them.

Bucky sat on the carpet, next to Marley, stealing one grape from her plate. She threw him a death glance but offered him some more if he would help with the coloring. He happily complied.

Before dinner was normally bath time. Thankfully, you had said over the phone you would deal with that in the morning. For some reason, Marley did not like baths. A little bit of water in her eyes or ears was too much for her to handle and he wasn't sure he could deal with her being so upset on his own.

He still got her changed in her pajamas - she obviously chose the one with the dalmatian puppy from Paw Patrol you had agreed on buying a few weeks ago; washed her face with a cotton pad and some cleansing lotion, brushed her hair and tried the best he could to tie them in a low ponytail. You would normally braid them for the night, but this was not something Bucky mastered at all - he made a mental note to watch some tutorials on YouTube to learn though.

"Will you and mommy get married?" Marley asked out of nowhere while Bucky was carrying her back to the kitchen to have dinner.

"I don't know," he said, confused. "Why do you ask?"

"I prefer you over my real daddy," Marley admitted. And it broke his heart. Bucky knew how her dad forgot about her third birthday and missed most of his custody days lately. He didn't really understand how somebody could have a child and knowingly decide not take care of them anymore.

The child in his arm was so precious. It amazed him every day how much she could comprehend of the world around her. She was smart, creative, kind. She knew what she wanted, would be very stubborn about it and would do anything to get it – you always said you didn’t understand where she got her fierce mind and Bucky laughed every time because he knew exactly from whom she had gotten it: you. You did such a good job raising her on your own. He also knew you would always choose her over him, and he had to admit, it made him fall in love even more with you.

"Even if I'd marry your mom, I still wouldn't be your daddy officially."

"To me, you would," Marley concluded as if it was as simple as that.

Living with you two permanently. Marrying you. Bucky never thought of it. He liked how this relationship was working: the kindness, the trust, the love. He loved the movie dates with you, the Sundays walks, and the evening just the three of you. He loved how simple it all was and how it made him just happy. Happiest he had been in a long time. And he wondered if he wanted more. The way his heart was fluttering in his chest made him realized, he did. He didn't know if he was ready though.

Back to the kitchen, he put her down on her seat before getting the casserole of potato gratin out of the oven. He put a small portion in her plate, next to some chopped carrots and apple sauce he already prepared. He put it down in front of her and sat next to her.

"Will you eat with mommy?"

"Yeah, is that alright?"

She nodded, rubbing her eyes. They had stayed coloring her books a little too long and it was nearly her bedtime. Smiling softly, he encouraged her to eat. She did while asking some more questions on his cat in between each mouthful. How old is it? Why did you name it Alpine? Has mummy already met it? Do you think she'll like me? Turned out this little one never run out of question.

After dinner, Bucky gave her a small portion of chocolate from the special cupboard and they agreed it would be their little secret. Then, he carried her to the bathroom to brush her tiny teeth. It was started to be late for her and she was clearly fighting against sleep, the lack of it upsetting her.

"I want to see mommy," she cried, lips trembling and eyes full of tears.

"I know Mar-Mar, she'll get there soon," Bucky tried to comfort her. You hadn't text yet, meaning you weren't on your way still. He knew Marley would be asleep before you got home. "We can read a book in your bed while we wait for her, yeah?"

Marley nodded and let Bucky carry her to her bed. She had her head rested on his right shoulder the whole time. She crawled under the covers the moment her body was dropped off on the bed. She let Bucky choose the bedtime story and he chose the one he knew she liked so much.

He laid beside her gently and she immediately reached out closer to him. He wrapped his right arm around her, and her hands somehow found his dog tag again. A small kiss on her forehead and Bucky started reading the book in his left hand. Marley was listening carefully, helping him by turning the page.

At the end of the story, she was fast asleep against him, his dog tag still in her tiny fist. Bucky did not dare moving, afraid he would wake her up if he did. He observed the small child against him and listened to her soft breathes. She looked so peaceful and it made him thought of the way she had welcomed him into her life. Just like you, she had taken him as a whole; with his trauma, his insecurities, his quietness, and his staring habits. And now, she had him wrapped around his little finger. He knew deep in his guts he wouldn't let anything happen to you or your daughter. He realized that now. That made him think some more: maybe he was ready after all. And this time, he would not let happiness slip away from him.

Bucky stayed like that until twenty minutes later, when you showed up on your daughter’s room doorstep. You looked exhausted yet still radiant. A smile had formed on your lips at the sight in front of you. It made you melt right on the spot.

"Hey," Bucky greeted you softly.

You came closer, walking on your tiptoes, careful of not waking up your daughter. You laid besides them, kissing your daughter little fist, and tucked yet another strand of hair behind her ear. You looked back at Bucky, who was intensely staring at you. His left arm was already wrapped around your shoulders, bringing you close. You kissed his jaw, making him smile gently. "Thank you for taking care of her. Did it go okay?"

"More than okay." He kissed your forehead while you snuggled closer to him. His heart could burst of the feeling of having you two near him forever.

He wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

#jbb #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky x single mom!reader #lea's writing #bucky barnes x you

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