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#(just two people lost in grief)
ruvviks · 5 months
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Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.
by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays
#cp2077#edit:mikhail#edit:vitali#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing#whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier#you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly#but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined#they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again#and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you#and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain#sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!!#they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day#and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest#night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big#and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like#how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole#anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out
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sunmoontruth-stiles · 2 months
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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ahollowgrave · 17 days
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Hiiii do you have any more writings or musings about None? I was in your writing tag the other night and they came up a couple times but I'm not sure if I should be picturing a miqo'te or some sort of service animal/familiar lol
Hello! That's so fair, my Odette writings do not offer a lot of description for them! They do have their own tag [HERE] although not much is in it, currently. Some of the screenshots I'm including here and the writings which you've already seen! I'm very sorry for how rambling this is but None is where a lot of alts and relationships spawn from! None is neither a miqo'te nor a service animal (though I think they'd give a huff at the title)! None is the saddest creature in the whole world, a widower, Odette's favorite lil guy, Gerry's estranged step-parent, and a Lalafell:
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A Lalafell ranger who makes their living guiding people through the Shroud. These days they are 'mostly' retired. They're well past their middle age and when they were younger they made a deal with sylphs. To be fleet-footed and quick and the best hunter. It came with some side effects:
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They wear a hat to cover the ears. It's a bit silly to have two sets and, frankly, None doesn't wanna talk about it. They are stoic, pragmatic, and a bit of a hermit when they can afford it. None is a widower, their late wife was an duskwight woman named Aloutte, who was a widow herself with a young child; Geraldine. None and Gerry were never close and in the wake of Aloutte's passing that distant only grew. None and Odette met at the Menphina temple she was raised at. The Sisters there offer grief counseling and when Aloutte first fell sick she made them go to make the transition easier. A child at the time, Odette was obsessed from the moment they met. A pale shadow trailing after them. Where None failed with Gerry, they bonded with Odette. After Aloutte's passing None returned to the temple to live long term, some grievers need more support than others, they and Odette spent a lot of time together. They very much fill a uncle/aunt role for Odette; a trusted advisor who isn't the adults who raised her. When Odette took her vows and started to travel it was None who traveled with her, taught her basic outdoors skills, bought her Beauty and taught her how to care for chocobos. When Odette has to leave her flock of karakul to travel it is None she calls to care for them. Also, while Aloutte's loss and the grief that follows is very important to None as a character I feel it is important to note they were the saddest creature in the whole world before they knew the warmth of Aloutte's embrace! Sometimes you're just born with a heavy heart, you know? Because of how important they are to Odette. Odile... fucking hates their guts. Oooh, she hates their guts so much!!! The feeling is mutual and Odile and None have come to blows a few times. Something they both keep from Odette; None because they don't want to make her worry, Odile because she'll use the information to drive a wedge at some point. None also features in Odette's WoL AU, they're an honorary scion and spend most of their time with the other off-screen members. They spend time with Krile and Tatatru discussing lalafell things and I like to imagine that F'lhaminn and None have a lot to talk about. This is... pretty long so I will stop here! But I hope this satisfies some curiosity about None and thank you SO MUCH for asking about them!
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#Answered#None#whooo boy this doesn't even touch on how#Iron's alt Lia is a former lover of Aloutte's and how Lia and None remain close to this day#and that Gerry is Lia's ward and one of her students#and that Gerry and Prudence have a toxic yuri onagain/off again relationship#and that Gerry is real envious of Odette because of Odette's relationship with both Lia and None (very different relationships mind)#and that Prudence and None get along just fine which also causes problems with Gerry and Prudence (Why isn't prudence on HER side)#(There are no sides)#(just two people lost in grief)#(but also gerry was the child (adult with Aloutte died and nearly an adult when None and Aloutte met and married but still)#but none was never going to be a parent and was never going to marry#but aloutte was a force of nature and you don't resist nature for long !!!#anyway hello I had a period of time where I was having people lie to me all the time (like about having cancer) and so I made#a bunch of alts to have my own complicated family dynamics so I didn't have to keep rewriting things when I learned people were awful#and then Iron and I went “Hey. We should entangled our characters stories so much.” and it's been very fun ever since LMAO#anyway woof sorry to keep rambling in the tags#but man now I'm starting to ship None/F'lhaminn.........#Also None was sort of a Prudence Rough Draft#isn't that insane???#that's why they have such similar coloring LMAO#but now they're very different aside from being :| and good at their jobs#okay i'm done now#sorry you stumbled into asking about one of my favorite alts that I never play :weeps:
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rescuefield-arch1 · 2 months
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no but like on a serious note, i know fandom believes claire left without a second thought but if you think about the fact that leon had to do the big voice to make her leave because she didn't want to go. and there's guilt in her mind because chris has been her whole everything since forever, sacrificed anything for her but she's sitting on an uncomfortable motel chair watching sherry sleep and something tugs at her heart.
because claire is 19 and under no obligation to become this child's parent figure but she holds sherry's hand everywhere they go and lets her twirl a strand of her hair while falling asleep as a way to calm down and feel safe. and she can't lie, but she's starting to understand how fucking hard it must have been for chris to raise her - at least sherry doesn't make her life difficult by being unnecessarily defiant.
no, sherry always sits quietly and asks questions only when claire explains the plans for their next moves. and claire knows it's not the way a child should act but also it's not like she and leon have any other choices, they don't know what they're doing either. and they probably argue in whispers while claire cleans the wound on his shoulder, they talk about food and finding a car, that even motels are getting expensive for their little budget.
they talk about chris and how it's november and claire is still pretending not to know what her brother's note actually means. and there's an heaviness and the sense of something bad happening as soon as she's out the door - promised sherry that she would come back and kissed leon goodbye just to come back to everything absolutely destroyed.
do not ask her if it was worth. ( she did find chris in the end and steve was dear to her, but the resentment and guilt are always there even now )
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guruguruguruguru · 4 months
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the longer i sit with it the more it really gets me how nobody ever really mentions obito and rin before obito's reveal in shippuden. kakashi vaguely mentions his old friends and i think other characters allude to the tragedy of kakashi's past but rin and obito themselves are lost to time. something about that is so fucking haunting and so gutting. you would think it would be a pretty big deal that two kids from the same class died within a year of each other, but the nine tails attack probably wiped so much clean that nobody could really carry the grief... still, when we see their class in flashbacks, we recognise almost everyone else, so... there's something really sad and hopeless about their absence...
there's a lot a LOT to say about it from a lot of different angles and i don't really feel like going into meta posting territory i just have big feelings about it you know? and to me i guess obito encapsulates a lot of the anger. for the people who get left behind and forgotten. and that can mean a lot of things
#two of my classmates died on separate occassions in short span of time in high school and i wont claim that grief because#i didnt know either of them well but i did feel a lot of anger and overwhelming hopelessness. that life keeps relentlessly going on#even when people get left behind#it feels so unfair and so painful... there are so many more aspects to it though as well#like people who are left behind in other ways due to circumstance or class or race or etc etc- often a combination of those factors#and obito as a kid reminds me a lot of a good friend i had when i was little who was late to class every day#because of those outside circumstances#and again someone in high school who i was late WITH every day. because ya#and i feel very big about that. and about rins death as something so fucking preventable#the tragedy also of baby teacher minato who was so so not ready to be in charge of anyone. but. that's something else#anyway i guess i just really feel a connection with that anger and despair#sorru was watching niji and felt fucking insane about it#obito and rin are like two sides of one thing. maybe of one person. of one concept#part of why i'm so so crazy about obito being trans is because i see him as also using rin's memory as a conduit for#his anger and grief about his own lost younger self. hence: baby obito is also a little girl#i think they are best friends. its so important. idk none of this is wider narrative meta#its just my feelings about them in particular#haunting dead girl and the ghost who has to carry on and can't rest
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tequiilasunriise · 1 year
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Shoutout to all the blogs that, during the 2 year RWBY hiatus, gained followers from posting about other fandoms and are now charging up all the stored rwbyrot theyre about to nuke down like an eldritch blast once volume 9 drops
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ITS ME, IM ‘BLOGS’!!!
No seriously, I gained quite a few followers during my Wenclair Era, and don’t get me wrong I still adore Wenclair to absolute pieces, but RWBY has been a special hyperfixation of mine fer YEARS. It’s been an interest that hibernates on and off during hiatuses but nothing has ever latched onto my psyche so deeply as RWBY has with all of its faults and good parts alike. Once Feb 18 drops, I swear to you I will be the most obnoxious person e v e r like I will be rwbyrotting so hard I will SCREAM and CRY and HOLLER about Bumbleby and Whiterose and my babygirl Ruby finally finally finally getting some fresh hot juicy character development but I’ve missed all of the girls in general and!!! Just about everything about V9 so like. Prepare yourself fer my true form.
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museenkuss · 10 months
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Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.
#they’re even on my main blog now#at least for me#and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever#I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD#I don’t WANT these here.#but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely#like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long#I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it#& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work#which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for.#and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you#parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it#but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else#I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely#but it still washes over me whenever I post something.#oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse#I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute#but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh#okay done. just. I’m going through it
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bestial4ngel · 5 months
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Man, I sure love shows about the hopeless future of the earth in the face of capitalism and climate change (<- me when I fucking lie)
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tellmegoodbye · 1 year
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I've had some time to collect my thoughts after a couple of days so here they are even though nobody asked.
I really loved the finale. It was devestating, no doubt, but I think this is their best one yet and I absolutely loved how they handled it. There was so much grieving in this episode, not just from Carlos, but from Owen and Judd as well. But despite everything they chose happiness and the wedding ending up being beautiful and bittersweet and joyful all at once.
There has been the question of deleted scenes but there's really only one we've seen so far that I would have loved to see in the episode. Other than that, I'm just glad we get to have them all as extras. I don't think the wedding needed them though.
Another thing I'd like to add is that yes, sometimes storylines can feel rushed in shows where you have a lot of characters and especially if there are clear favorites within a fandom. There was a lot going on, but that doesn't necessarily mean any one character's storyline is less valuable than another's. I guess I'm speaking as less of a fandom member and just more as an enjoyer of the show if that makes any sense. I love all of the characters in this show, and while I would be lying if I said I liked every single storyline, that doesn't mean I wish they didn't happen. In this case, however, I loved all of the storylines and I think they all made sense together given the theme of this episode. I personally don't think any of them shouldn't have been there in favor of getting more wedding content.
Honestly, my only regret is not getting off of tumblr as soon as the final bts stuff started coming out. I'm pretty bad when it comes to guessing things so if I hadn't been aware of the theories I literally would have had no idea and it would have hit me so much harder. It still got me pretty good though.
Again these are just my opinions so feel free to ignore everything I say if you didn't feel the same. I'm happy though, and I'm going to continue being incredibly annoying about this show. ♡
#I'll just touch on this in the tags cayse more people have put this a lot more eloquently than I could#but in terms of the decision to kill of gabriel I know a lot of people feared two things#1) it was too close to the wedding 2) potential future storylines would take a hit#and if it had happened any other way I would have agreed with the second one#but the fact that we got that scene between him and carlos was really important#and they way it happened really opens the door for revisting this in the future#I would honestly be really surprised if they don't come back to this mystery because there's a lot of potential there#and speaking of potential I think we reallly started to see so much more of carlos and a side of his character that we've never seen before#him dealing with his grief and in the end chosing to allow himself to have his wedding#that moment between him and owen#I loved all of it and I know in shows like this it can feel like characters start to get stagnant but this is definitely not the case here#not just carlos but everyone else had moments this season that just showed us so much more of them#and it makes me excited for their character development and what future storylines will hold#anyway I think those are all of my thoughts#if you're going to say anything please be nice I don't really do well with negativity#I usually stay out of fandoms for actively airing shows because discourse isn't great for my mental health#but since y'all are like 90% lost shameless mutuals and 10% bots I feel safe enough to share my opinions publicly lmao#har rambles#911 lone star#weewoo rambles
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bloodsoaked-gown · 10 months
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I wish whatever life has to unfold brings me peace or im gonna lose myself, this thread is on verge to break :)
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voidscreamns · 1 year
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./
#full stop i feel like the odd one out with my personal interpretation of the Tsaritsa#like i usually see people theorize that she’s all very gentle and sweet on the outside but actually doesn’t truly care at all abt humans#i’m the exact opposite— i think she’s extremely cold and almost hostile on the outside#and seemingly has abandoned all pretenses of love that she may have once exhibited#but deep down inside we learn that she has never truly abandoned it— in fact it’s rhe very thing that fuels her motives in the first place#she tells herself that the war she’s preparing for against Celestia is all for the greater good#but in reality its just sheer grief and rage that she a god of love must follow the whims of an apathetic Celestia#like uh what’s that one phrase. ‘grief is just love lost’ or smth#i also think there’s two ways this can go— she’s either so caught up in her machinations that she doesn’t realize she still has love in her#heart. OR she’s fully aware that that she still loves humans and that is why she does the things she does with the Fatui#no matter how monstrous or damaging her actions are to the rest of teyvat goddammit she is wrong in the face kf the most unforgiveable crime#against humanity aka what happened with Khaenri’ah. she knows this and she has to go thru wifh it no matter how much it hurts her bc it’s#the only way out that she can see#maybe idk we dont know enough abt her to know for certain but it’s just got me thinking
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waittttttt hang on. what if i wrote. a trimax oneshot abt vash and livio. what then. hmm. what then
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vancilart · 2 years
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auntie sphinx
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poeticsinnamon · 2 years
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jupiterslibrary · 16 days
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one of the differences between good omens the show vs good omens the book that will always fuck me up is the post-bookshop fire scene. crowley goes from picking himself up, dusting himself off, accepting the loss of aziraphale and Just Driving Anyway to completely falling apart. i do get why people have gripes with it being changed so fundamentally, and i've thought about it a lot myself, but i've never been able to bring myself to get mad about it. i always circle back to how the book was written by two best friends. that drunken, wrecked, grief stricken scene was written in a post-pratchett world. he lost his best friend.
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coveredinweeds · 2 months
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you go out once just to realize that you are, in fact, fucked in the head
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