#healing in the wake of trauma and being so damaged you think no one would want to stick around but they do and they care bc in their eyes

[anachronistic-falsehood]

waittttttt hang on. what if i wrote. a trimax oneshot abt vash and livio. what then. hmm. what then

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

*crying sobbing pounding on dazzle's chest* YOU'RE GONNA COME BACK WRONG AND AS CHAGGIE'S FUCKED UP CREEPY MEDICAL RAT PUPPETEER CHILD!! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!!!!

Razzle needs a hug and i don't CAAARE if it's just from the reanimated body of what used to be his brother turned little sister >:(

this fankid brought to you by

Charlie running around with bandages after an Extermination trying to patch Sinners up, a thing that would inspire her new goat child and something her and Baffy would bond over.

Vaggie as a mom and also one of the only ppl around scarred by a permanent debilitating wound given by heavenly steel, a thing she and Baffy kinda have in common, and motivation for Baffy's research into healing heavenly injuries.

What if a kid was born from a failed attempt at resurrecting someone else and then had to live right next to said person’s memorial statue while watching their older brother sadly cuddling up to it sometimes? Baffy totally doesn't get trauma from this.

other random thoughts below

Having a health practitioner in the Pride Ring is kinda like installing fire detectors in Hell.

Not only is violence happened all the time everywhere but Sinners normally just pull themselves together afterwards and regenerate unless hit with a heavenly weapon, so what's the point of having someone running around stitching up wounds and treating blood loss?

Well.. what's the point of running around with a torn off arm if you don't have to? Or being in pain longer than you need to?

Baffy thinks that sounds pretty stupid.

Baffy is cheerfully chasing down her next VERY reluctant patient as we speak.

Baffy's heart is in the right place (she checked) but her medical practices and bedside manner are kinda lacking (ironic for a former plushie toy) and most Sinners would rather run screaming into a turf war than let her treat them. She's a little too fond of stiches and blood and excuses to see both.

(And what if not even heavenly steal could scar or permanently kill people...?) (Heaven is NOT happy someone is asking this question)

Hell’s creepy new health practitioner

Unlicensed

Self-taught surgeon via rat autopsies

Uses rat puppets to distract and calm her patients (doesn’t realize they find it disturbing)

Largest rat puppet also serves as her assistant

Craves apples

Can be bribed with apples

Reborn from Charlie’s blood and part of the Morningstar bloodline

Fav bedtime story is of how Charlie kept trying to help bandage Sinners up after Exterminations and how that eventually led to Charlie meeting, helping, and falling in love with Vaggie

Looks and acts a lot like her aunt Niffty

Aunty Angel Dust was the receptionist / nurse for kid Baffy's play pretend doctor fun, and he does it for real whenever Baffy sets up a makeshift clinic in the hotel lobby

Husk grumpily lets her try to help him stop drinking

Sometimes uncle Husk wakes up from a hangover with a YOWEL as Baffy gets him in the hindquarters with a syringe of her own healing blood

Cherri Bomb and Cherri Bomb's bombs are Baffy's main source of patients since they're usually in too many pieces to run away from her

Cherry brings them over when she remembers to

mainly so Baffy can assess the damage and unintentionally give Cherri tips on how to build her next bomb even better

Vaggie as the only one slowly picking up on something being very wrong with Baffy's whole heal people at any cost thing even if the price is her own blood and pain

Vaggie is trying to show Baffy that living with scars can be okay but hotel business and heavenly threats keep interrupting them

Baffy has an X shaped white scar where Dazzle’s mortal wound was

Her scar aches when she touches heavenly steel or when large amounts of it are nearby

Yes her head is on fire no it’s not a problem (for her)

Since she can't use heavenly weapons without hurting she mainly just headbutts people with fire when attacking or puppets her small rat army after them

Has to drink blood daily to survive

HATES the taste of blood

does think it's PRETTY tho

Scared of needles but keeps trying to use blood transfusions to help Sinners heal from heavenly steel wounds like her body did

Emily is her doting "guardian angel" / godmother who helped Charlie and Vaggie bring her into the world / failed at bringing Dazzle back

Lute thinks Baffy's 'birth' in an insult to creation and to her and wants the 'abomination' dead

Emily almost goes full seraph fury on Lute's ass for this

Instead Emily reminds Lute and Sera that, as a blood relation of Lucifer, Baffy has immunity from being targeted by heaven, an immunity Emily WILL enforce

Baffy has a running feud with Cannibal Town over whether devouring bodies counts more as recycling / waste management or robbery from the scientific community (which is so far just Baffy)

Since Dazzle died in dragon form Baffy can't shift into it without tearing open her mortal wound scar

she almost died the one time she tried it

Razzle knew she wasn't his dead brother brought back to life when new born her was given a choice between an apple and a donut and she did NOT choose the donut

He loves his new little sister so much and just wishes Dazzle could have somehow known her too

[dragoncookies]

The Unlocked Healing Center Scene

There are many, MANY scenes in which you could pick apart the ever-loving shit out of Fitz's dialogue and his actions, or just look at how his character is treated from the POV the scene is being told from and compare that to what objectively might be happening.

But one of my favorite's has got to be the Unlocked healing center scene from Keefe's POV, because GOLLY was Fitz just bagged on in that scene, in an almost undetectable way.

(This also isn't meant to be hate on Keefe btw. He's a fine character, not my absolute favorite, but there's no reason to hate on him. It just so happens that Keefe's POV of Fitz is especially patronizing in this scene).

First of all, Shannon starts the scene with presenting us with how lonely and sad he was, just straight up:

”sadness

Nervousness

Regret

Loneliness

Plus a hefty dash of anger.

Coming straight from Fitz” (-Unlocked, idk what page lmao).

I mean, the man was grieving. He just broke up with his maybe girlfriend AND lost the only chance he had to finding his terrorist older brother (who might or might not want to end him and who has caused him and his family immense stress/trauma for the past 4 books if not their entire lives to a degree) in one fell swoop (because of the maybe girlfriend he trusted a lot, not to mention Fitz values trust almost more than he does love so you could basically say the girl he loved).

Me personally? I would just cease to exist after that, but here we have sad, nervous, regretful, lonely and angry Fitz in the healing center waiting for his maybe-bro to wake up. 

Once Keefe DID wake up, Fitz was nothing if not worried for Keefe and trying to comfort Keefe. Fitz was obviously GENUINELY worried for Keefe. Look at this:

”Fitz tore a hand through his boringly perfect hair. ‘I get why your mad. But I’m only trying to help. I know what you’re going through-‘

’Right-you totally know what it’s like to have you mom do deadly experiments on you,’ Keefe muttered. ‘I must’ve forgotten that part of the Vacker history.”

’Maybe not,’ Fitz conceded, ‘but I know what it’s like to have a traitor in the family. And I also remember how scary it is to wake up in one of these cots after being brutally attacked-just like I know how hard it is to talk about what’s wrong, because it feels like you’re admitting the Neverseen beat you. But they only win if you keep pretending everything’s normal, because you end up making the damage permanent.’

’I’m not damaged-‘

‘You’re right. That’s the wrong word.’ Fitz blew out a breath. ‘Look, all I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t be walking right now if I hadn’t let Elwin help me. I probably wouldn’t even be alive. So I want to make sure you get the help you need-and you do need it, Keefe. No matter what you believe. But accepting help doesn’t make you weak. It just means you’re taking care of yourself.’”

Such an underrated Fitz moment, imo.

First and foremost, lets just take a second to point out the "boringly perfect" hair comment. I don't know why this stuck out to me, but it shows how differently these two characters think. While Fitz has his hair styled "perfectly" because its been his lifestyle to maintain a perfect façade, here we can see that Keefe STILL doesn't understand just what goes beyond this perfect façade of Fitz's. Keefe values freedom, loves rebellion, and his hairstyle reflects that. Keefe makes it messy, but a masterpiece. To Keefe, Fitz's hair is just generic and standard. Perfect, well presenting, but it follows the standard of whatever is considered "perfect" to elves, so we can see that it is repulsive to Keefe's nature.

This is much the same as how much Keefe sees the scale of what Alvar's disappearance has done to the Vacker Family. Keefe continues to reject the idea that the Vackers aren't as perfect as he once believed. As soon as Fitz even mentioned the idea of empathy for Keefe, the idea of relating to him, Keefe immediately rejects it, and rejects the idea that Fitz could have gone through any mental/emotional turbulence as a result of the horrendous situations Alvar has put him and his family through. I mean, for crying out loud, Fitz had literally tried to kill his brother in an emotional mess of conflicting feelings and guilt just two books ago, and unheard of crime for the elves. Fitz had to spend weeks and WEEKS in the healing center. Keefe was there when Alvar, on his deathbed, described how the "Vacker Legacy" was what drove him to a life of crime.

Yes, Keefe was having a rough time to put it lightly, but taking it out on others isn't justified (if you want to be mad at Fitz for taking his anger out on others, now you have to be mad at Keefe for taking his emotional distress out on his friend). We can certainly understand it, but we can't justify it, and because the POV is from a likable character, we're more willing to trust what the character says. Since Keefe presents Fitz's actions in a way that makes them seem appalling and jerk-y, and if Keefe presents this idea in his POV that Fitz is always Mr. Perfect and never has trouble in his family, then the readers are more likely to believe that. Objectively, based on what Fitz is saying and doing, we can see he's struggled and is struggling a lot. Fitz had to have worked on learning to receive help himself (asking for help is a SKILL, believe it or not) in order to truly explain how important it is to Keefe in the way he did.

Who just says "Accepting help doesn't make you weak, it just means you're taking care of yourself" and doesn't mean it in the kindest, most sincerest way ever?

Not just Keefe can take this advice, anyone should.

Side note: I also feel like he gave himself bad flashbacks to when he called Sophie damaged in book two when he accidentally used the word here. Ouch.

At another point in this scene, Keefe also shows how irrational he can be, as Fitz is simply trying to do the right thing and get Keefe the help he needs, and Keefe is ABSOLUTELY DEMONIZING Fitz for it. Keefe's health was Fitz's priority, and Fitz didn't necessarily care if he stepped on Keefe's toes to get him the help that he couldn't see he needed (Sophie was in the room as this point):

Unlocked page 561:

“‘Uh, you should probably step back, Sophie,’ Fitz warned. ‘I think your emotions are too strong for him.’

’No, they’re not!’ Keefe argued-and wow,did his voice sound strained. He cleared his throat and tried again. ‘Nothings wrong. I swear, I’m fine.’

’He keeps saying that,’ Fitz told her-because he was begging for a face-punch. And if the world hadn’t gotten so spinny, Keefe might’ve given it to him when Fitz added, ‘But Keefe’s been picking up all our emotions without even trying. And he’s always been able to do that with you, so I think you’re overwhelming him right now.’

’Okay, I’m done liking Captain Perfectpants,’ Ro announced.

‘Keefe was right there with her-which was probably why he blurted out, ‘Uh, for the record, most of the emotions are coming from you, Fitzy. You wouldn’t happen to have some unresolved feelings for anyone in this room, would you?’”

I'm not gonna lie, if somebody read my emotions and called me out on something that I was VERY touchy about, and was a relatively new blow, I would just leave the room. That was an A class jerk move right there.

Not saying Keefe IS a jerk, because all the characters have acted jerk-y in the series and everyone has their moments, but it was still pretty rude of Keefe to make that comment. What’s annoying is that nobody in the books seemed to react as though it is rude when Keefe makes these kinds of comments. If it was anybody else who had said that, there would be an apology required in order for that character to be redeemed. 

Keefe also literally wanted to PUNCH Fitz, because Fitz was...making sure Keefe stayed alive? Because Fitz cared enough about Keefe's health to make sure the details were pressed out and make sure the facts of the situation were clear? So Elwin could actually do his job??

Keefe hated Fitz in this moment because Fitz was being a practical, helpful guy, but from Keefe's perspective it just makes Fitz look like an asshole.

Ro’s unsolicited opinions are also very unhelpful, since Ro is written to be in support of what Keefe wants (or just in support of whatever will make Sokeefe happen…she’s kind of creepy about her Sokeefe obsession ngl), it makes her more likable and therefore the readers are more likely to trust what she says or take her opinion as their own. 

But Ro saying things like “I’m done liking Captain Perfect Pants” is rude, because it 1), insinuates she will only like someone based on how much they please her, and 2) denotes him to his perfect facade, which undermines his brilliant and complex character. 

Eventually, Keefe tried to apologize to Sophie in a telepathic conversation. He didn’t remotely consider apologizing to Fitz. 

I mean, Keefe was crazy terrified and hurting but...I don’t get how when Fitz was hurt and acted out he was suddenly “toxic and trash”, but when Keefe did the exact same thing nobody said anything.

And nobody even knows Fitz is hurt because nobody asks him. Nobody talks to him about how hard the Alvar situation is for him because they’re scared he’ll just get mad and yell at them, or they just assume he’s just mad about it and wanted to kill Alvar. 

Is nobody going to see that there’s some deep emotional/mental trauma to unpack here? Is he always just going to have to help himself all the time?

At least Keefe has people who understand him, who are willing to talk to him about what’s wrong and help him through it. He had a seriously traumatic childhood, and I’m not comparing their trauma or anything, that’s not what I’m trying to do. What I am trying to say is, Keefe’s got a whole crew of people helping him, people who want to make sure he’s okay, people who care for him, and he rejects it, deems them annoying in Fitz’s case, and just discounts the effort and energy they spend on him.

There is a lot more to unpack from this scene, but it’s mostly all along a similar vein of what I talked about here (this is long enough haha). There are also tons of little details about the Vackers in Unlocked that just emphasize how pressured Fitz is into the Vacker mold, and how the Alvar drama just makes it worse. 

For example: reading Fitz’s registry file, it says that it is “highly suggested that he choose someone on his match list” because of how dragged the Vacker name already is. So when people want to get upset with him for choosing "his reputation over Sophie", we have text evidence that its more complicated than that. Fitz isn't just choosing between being liked by the world and the person he likes, he's choosing whether or not to maintain a level of peace within his family at his own sacrifice. SPOILERS! (if you haven't read stellarlune don't read the rest of this paragraph). Eventually it was his sacrifice, because as of stellar lune, Sokeefe is official. Fitz couldn't repair things with Sophie quick enough, so she moved on.

It also mentions in Keefe’s detention slip write ups about how people actually hassle Biana and Fitz at Foxfire for Alvar being apart of the Neverseen. Because of their family, because of the Alvar drama, Fitz and Biana can't go to school without people bullying them.

Theres also this sad note in Fitz’s Base Quest instructions where Fitz writes about how you can use you special abilities while playing base quest, but included a little side note that said “but it's no fun when you turn invisible the whole time and hide Alvar!” Which just insinuates that Alvar would turn invisible and leave to go do whatever else he wanted while Fitz still thought they were playing. :( 

Depressing. 

[farshootergotme]

Kinda doing a hurt/comfort aftermath of Forever Evil in Wayne Family Adventures universe.

Dick's "thing with the Crime Syndicate".

As posted in Asks before, decided Spyral and Identity Reveal is unlikely to have happened in this timeline. So it is mostly a Batfam hurt/comfort fic while Dick recovers from the torture (and Bruce tries to recover from having to watch his son die).

Thinking about the angst potential... The Crime Syndicate looked like the Justice League members. Bad in N52 Forever Evil, but at least that Dick doesn't have much of a connection to most of them.

WFA!Dick? These people torturing him has the faces and voices of his dad, his aunts and uncles, the people who watched him grow up. That has to be a whole new boatload of trauma.

Hours waiting in there, bleeding and in pain, strapped to a bomb, knowing death is next to inevitable... And the ones responsible look identical to the people he love and trust so much.

But he can get over that, at least, around that. They've all dealt with mind control/possession scenario of getting attacked by a friend.

Plus, Owlman kept his costume on all the time, and wasn't even the Bruce Wayne of Crime Syndicate universe, there's a difference. And Ultraman may have sounded like Superman, but he can't sound/look like Clark Kent. Diana and Superwoman... a bit more trouble, but Diana isn't a frequent visitor, he has time to get through it before meeting her again.

The problem is... Alfred.

Owlman's Alfred is the one who strapped Dick to the bomb, who watched, offering tips, while Dick was being tortured.

Alfred, who looked and sounded identical to their Alfred.

Dick, waking up in the med bay of the Cave, freaking out at the sound of Alfred's voice...being triggered by him...

I really hope you make something about this because I love what you're exploring and the potential there is.

Seeing the same person who raised you be the one who hurt you can be very damaging... Even if that wasn't his Alfred, he still wore his face and used his voice.

Luckily for Dick, he doesn't live in the manor, so he can get away if he needs space. But I'm sure the first few weeks he would be asked to stay to take care of him. Dick is tense, though. It's hard falling asleep when you could freak out once you wake up when you see the face of your parent (yes, Alfred is more of a parent to him than he is a grandparent).

It'd require a lot of space, time and some exposure to get over it in a healthy manner. (I wouldn't be surprised if at first Dick forced himself to repress these fears as not to hurt Alfred, though, which would only play against him later on since he didn't allow himself to heal naturally and instead left the knife where it is so the blood wouldn't pour out, even when he had the tools to clean the wound and stop the bleeding. All this figuratively speaking, of course.)

Hopefully Dick will reach out to his friends if he doesn't feel comfortable telling any of this to his family.

Thanks for sharing!

[biblicallyaccuratecrow]

ouroboros rambles chapter 2

you guys seemed to like the chapter 1 rambles, so here is chapter 2!

[spoilers for isat and twohats below the cut]

i would like to start by saying that we all need more mirabelle POV fics in our lives. she deserves only the best.

I always really liked how Mira didn't just. get over act 5? like, the things that siffrin said were hurtful! yes! and she loves him! even after that! but it doesn't erase the pain and the conflicting feelings regarding it, especially because of the no-spoilers rule... which we will get more into i proMISE! in any case I was focused a lot on the fact that Mira post canon is dealing with a Lot, what with everyone still believing that she was chosen by the Change God and yknow. saving Vaugarde, and Siffrin's overall condition doesn't help! She wants him to be okay and safe, and she has already shown that she feels immense guilt over not being able to help siffrin during the loops, so I kinda leaned hard into that.

The entire party is about to be So Tired Of People.... especially The Introverts (Odile, Mira, and Siffrin)...

The fucking cart thing came to me out of fucking nowhere. I have no idea where or why that bit came around.

Siffrin sleeping habits analysis. siffrin sleeps all curled up like a cat most of the time? theyre small scrappy, but not really the most physically strong (before the loops), and i imagine more than a few years of traveling alone would train him to be ready to protect themselves however they can, even in their sleep. I think that this eases up a bit as they get comfortable with the party, which leads to them being able to sleep "normally". but of course, that is how they wake up in the loops. negative association and trauma from waking up back in the meadow..... i don't imagine they'll be going back to that any time soon.

I do have a Full Catalog of Siffrin's injuries (because im actually insane) but that will be talked about in my chapter 3 rambles. for now though, all im gonna say is that Siffrin definitely kept the stars hidden. In my headcanon, healing craft only works when you can actually pinpoint a wound, internal or external. I'm more inclined to believe that siffrin healed them up the best they could on their own after to hide them.

Ohhhh odile. my beloved. i have so many feelings about her and how she processes siffrin's issues postcanon. feelings i will not get into until next chapter. sorry lmaoooooo. All you gotta know for now is that once she starts seeing things, she can't stop. the signs appear everywhere, and she very quickly puts the pieces together from that point. All it takes is one domino to start the cascade, and Odile is the kind of person that WILL get to the bottom of it all, no matter what it takes.

Mira's guilt. Oh man. There are some ways in which her and Siffrin are very alike, and this is one of them. She's justified in being mad, yes, but that doesn't erase the fact that she doesn't want to BE mad. She hates it. because she knows now that siffrin was suffering. She defeated the king, saved vaugarde, but the cost was her friend's health and happiness. siffrin said that they were happiest they'd ever been with the party... and yes, siffrin loves them all deeply, but she never could have wanted that love to come at such a great price.

Mira has gotta be TIRED. girl healed siffrin a grand total of (checks my page of notes from act 5) six times. with very little cooldown. and that was AFTER deflecting the ONE SHOT KILL attack from the king (which, even with the carrot method shield, does at least 1/4 damage) and unfreezing siffrin....ough. let her rest!

i love torturing isa using his crush. its so funny. bro is a disaster. brain completely short circuits at the thought of siffrin in his clothes i can IMAGINE IT SO CLEARLY.... odile is gon abe homophobic soon /silly

Siffrin's wish... this scene was really important to me. Just for clarification (and this will become a LOT more obvious later), I don't really regard this scene as Siffrin getting over what happened? Because he definitely isn't. But they have already literally let go of their wish, and I wanted to explore a more… intentional version of that? its long-lasting effects are still there, mentally and physically. it doesn't just go away. But it has served its purpose and this is my way of showing the transition point from the loops and their future with their family.

Also!!! the idea of mourning something that no longer serves its former purpose, a life you cannot get back. Siffrin can never go back to who they were before their wish. They have been fundamentally changed as a person. And while the wish did bring good things, the flipside is that it also dismantled their entire worldview and life in its entirety. They died from this wish, suffered because of it, but the meaning behind it remains, and i think that this scene kind of shows the idea that siffrin still feels compassion for what it originally meant to them. its a bittersweet reality.

[the-matron-of-ravens]

Genuinely curious, what are your thoughts on Dancer and FCG cuz like, he Literally, not figuratively, tried to kill her and did kill all of her companions at the time. I can see being critical cuz she doesn't seem to treat them like sentient beings, but even in the canon... most of the automatons aren't. Just some of the really old ones from Aeor/other old cities, right? So? She got a whoops!sentient microwave, treated them like a microwave, they killed all her friends and almost her and she's supposed to....? Be good buds with them? Also I know it's said that she trauma dumped on FCG, but let's switch it from microwave to personal journal - how would YOU feel if your personal journal popped to life and attacked you for trauma dumping? IDK haha I guess Idk you opinions and I'm just responding to my projected assumptions of your opinion. REALLY I'd 100% sincerely would like to hear your thoughts. I was really bothered by FCG pushing to meet with Dancer. Like jeez just leave her alone, you're her literal sleep paralysis demon, read the room.

Hey! Thanks for the ask, I put this a little bit in the tags but I can elaborate more here. (Edit: elaborate A LOT MORE it seems)

So here goes, I don’t know if you meant it this way but the analogy of a journal or microwave is helpful here because that’s exactly how Dancer treated FCG - as a tool to be used. But they *aren’t*. FCG is a whole being with emotions and thoughts all of which are apparent and so clearly distinct from other automatons.

So tbh, I think the perspective of “whoops! Sentient bot” makes sense for like a month, max. Not years. After all, we have seen NPC after NPC recognize FCG is a sentient being almost immediately after meeting him. I find it VERY hard to believe that Dancer never realized it herself.

Additionally, we need to step out of the plot itself and look at FCG’s mechanics. We know that every time he heals, takes damage for someone else, etc. he takes stress points, and that once past a certain threshold his switch flips and he goes full Murderbot.

We also know that rest and recovery are what reduces FCG’s stress points. So that tells us that Dancer was using and using and using FCG and not letting him rest (enough? At all?) even though he needed it. Because again he’s a person not a tool.

Even when they met back up recently and FCG sobered her up she remarked how she missed him doing that for her. And while I don’t expect her to miss him, I do think it’s indicative of her interest in him never being about him as a person but only how he could serve her.

And if we want to criticize FCG for his lack of boundaries, inability to take no for an answer and pathological need to fix Dancer sure that’s fair. He needs to unlearn a lot of that and quick. But we then have to ask ourselves where did those traits come from? They didn’t come from nowhere.

FCG is mentally extremely YOUNG. Aside from the 6?-ish Months spent with Ashton all he remembers is his time with Dancer. So, if FCG has a pathological need to fix others, to help them, and feels worthless if he’s unable to do so - that comes from how Dancer treated and trained him.

That doesn’t just go away; ESPECIALLY not when FCG doesn’t even remember going postal and doesn’t see to have the (IMO) most clear and realistic view of his and Dancer’s relationship.

After all look how he interacts with the Changebringer. She’s his surrogate Mom/Dancer. He needs someone to tell him how to feel, think, and what’s Good and Bad because he doesn’t know how to do it for himself - because he wasn’t *taught* to.

But here’s my real question. What do we call one person keeping another person in service to them, with no compensation or personhood to be had, and with no intentions of releasing that person from that service? That’s slavery my dude. AT BEST indentured servitude.

(but that implies there’s a debt. What debt? Waking him up? He didn’t ask for that; that was her choice.

And again this sounds a lot like children being “indebted” to parents for giving them life, housing, feeding, etc. )

That’s the part I can’t get over. And that’s the part I can’t get behind where FCG is the abusive one. The power differential was NEVER in FCG’s court; he never once thought of himself as a person or as anything but in service of “Soul Touched”. That complete sacrifice of yourself and your needs (or an inability to even know you HAVE needs) comes from being in relationships where those things are expected/demanded.

So, yeah, he literally tried to kill her, and I gotta be real I’m not surprised. Even children of abusive parents who they love snap sometimes. Because again, that’s mentally what he was at the time. A child.

But even then, no I don’t think it’s unreasonable or unrealistic for Dancer to be traumatized or not want to see FCG again. I don’t even think she’s wrong to say “I can’t give you closure” because closure isn’t something other people give you.

But the way she’s been discussed to be largely clueless about his sentience, blameless in his blow up, and FCG’s victim? I just can’t get behind that. Like at all.

[miseryandroses]

“Sleep”

Max Mayfield x Male Reader

Max awoke with a start, the feeling of cold, dead hands on her skin still present. She breathed rapidly and shallowly as she felt the cold sweat, tears streaming down her face. It took her a few moments to calm down again and familiarize herself with her surroundings. The posters on the wall of her room, the blanket she was wrapped around in, and the feelings of your arms wrapped around her. She steadied her breathing and blinked away the tears in her eyes before sitting up, freeing herself from your cuddle and the warm blanket that enveloped her. Max looked at you and saw your face, peaceful, you laid on your side, with your gentle snore filling the room. Your rib cage rising and falling as your breathed in and out. She took one more look at you before stepping out of bed, putting on her sweater, tying up her long red hair, and heading into the kitchen while contemplating her nightmare.

Max moved to Hawkins, which felt like decades ago but in reality was 9 years ago, with her mom, asshole step-dad, and piece of shit brother, Billy. She also met her new friends but most importantly, she met you, stalking her with the rest of your friends. You were a bit taller and quieter than the rest but something drew her to you. She couldn’t even begin to fathom what she’d be getting into by talking with you and your friends. Before she knew it she was dragged into a dangerous world of monsters and alternate dimensions. Throughout it all though, you were there with her every step of the way. The two of you began dating and when the monsters came back you both relied on each other for support, but it was afterwards where she’d need you the most. Her brother was taken by the monsters and wether or not he was an asshole he was still her brother. The two of you grew distant afterwards before eventually breaking up. But then, the monsters returned, this time they came back stronger and deadlier. They targeted Max specifically using her guilt and trauma against her. You reassured her she would be fine and you wouldn’t let anything happen to her but you weren’t able to keep your promise. She was killed and you held her in your arms as she begged for you and your help. In that moment all Max could think was “Y/N, Please help me!” but you were unable to do so and she died in your arms only to be resurrected. She wound up in a coma, with her eyeballs gouged and her limbs snapped. She was asleep for the majority of time as you and your friends fought back against the monsters that began to take over your town. She was asleep as you protected her from the monsters. She was asleep when her best friend, Eleven sacraficed herself for the greater good. She woke up, however a few weeks after Vecna’s final assault on Hawkins and when she awoke she found you, sleeping on the chair next to you. Her limbs had healed and she made a full recovery. What would’ve been a hefty hospital bill was paid in full by the U.S. government. Her physical damage was treated, with a few months of physiotherapy and use of a wheelchair and crutches she’d be good as new. However the mental damage could never be repaired. Seeing visions of your deepest and darkest fears, being murdered, resurrected, placed in a coma and waking up to a different world only to find out one of your best friends died would be beyond overwhelming. She simply couldn’t just “be okay”. Other people moved on, still feeling the wounds of the battle, but you stayed with her. “Why you?” you’d both wonder. Maybe it was the fact she chose you over Dustin and Lucas, maybe it was due to the fact you stood by her during her time with the monsters, or maybe it was because you were there when she woke up. The two of you would move out of Hawkins since it wasn’t a place fit for living anymore. You still kept in contact writing each other letters. Before you knew it, senior year came around and you both got admitted into the same school. Now living together in your junior year of college, Max and you have found peace. But it isn’t always there.

Tonight, Max had the same nightmare she usually has. Billy dragging her back onto the hospital bed. As soon as he held her down she would sink into the bed and wind up in Vecna’s mindlair. There she would feel Vecna’s vines wrap around her and pull her into a pillar as they begin to choke her, before the reason of all her suffering would appear. Vecna would tell her something along the lines of “Your suffering is at an end” in his deep and booming voice. He would then plunge the claws of his left hand into her face and when he did so she could feel her bones break, her eyes collapse, and her brother’s voice. Afterwards she would fall into your hands but she could still see everything. She could see your face contort in anguish as you stared at her, just then Vecna would appear behind you. She would try to warn you but found herself unable to move as Vecna snapped your neck with his mind, your hands which wrapped around her shoulder becoming still and cold, the feeling of death enveloping her. Before she can wake she sees the look on your corpse’s face, your eyes red and bulging, face becoming blue, and blood dripping out your nose and eyes.

Max couldn’t help but think about your face. All the horrible and gruesome details were etched into her brain. She decided she couldn’t go to sleep again and began to make herself a cup of coffee. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes as she leaned onto the countertop in her pj’s. When the coffee was done she grabbed it and turned on the radio. Ironically, it was playing Kate Bush’s “Keep Running Up That Hill” the same song that saved her all those years ago. The irony wasn’t lost on Max as she let out a small chuckle. She kept the volume at a moderate volume since she knew you were a heavy sleeper but she didn’t want to wake you. She stood by the window and looked down onto the street from your guys’ apartment on the 10th floor. It was quiet, it was early enough for people to jog around or walk their dogs but dark enough for the street lights to be on. Max observed people going about the early hours of their day, occasionally a car or a truck would pass through. She saw a bus pull up to a stop and an old woman walked out. The bus departed and the woman walked down the street. This was Max’s second favorite time of day, where she was alone and able to think so clearly. She didn’t plan out the rest of her day. She just stood there taking occasional sips of the hot black liquid in the mug she held, absorbing the music that filled her ears, and observing the people below her.

Max was so engrossed with this little routine of hers she didn’t notice you until you let out a yawn as you walked towards her, still half-asleep, clutching a blanket over your shoulders and around your chest.

“Morning” you said groggily as you took a seat at the dining table before resting your head on it and closing your eyes.

“Hello” Max said softly as she smiled to herself.

She took in the sight of you. Your dark circles around your eyes and your messy bed head. She walked over to you and gently put her coffee cup down in front of you before planting a kiss on your head.

“Did you get out of bed just to sleep at the dining table?” Max questioned, raising an eyebrow slightly.

“No, I just wanted to sleep with you” you responded sleepily.

“Oh?” Max smirked, as she rubbed your back.

“Not like that” you yawned out in response, opening one eye.

Max chuckled to herself at your response. She then crouched slightly, rested her forehead against your head, and placed the palm of her hand under your chin.

She smiled to herself as she leaned on you. You sluggishly moved to wrap your arms and blanket around her. Max sighed in content, the music being the only sound besides your guy’s breathing, the first golden rays of sunlight peaking through the blinds and hitting your bodies.

This was her favorite time of day.

“Why were you up?” you questioned.

“Just had that same stupid nightmare” Max responded as she closed her eyes.

“Mmm” you, hummed out.

You didn’t want to say anything because you knew Max had her own way of dealing with it. You’re just glad that she was telling you the truth. For awhile she wouldn’t open up about her nightmares, getting mad and yelling at you when you pressed for answers. It took a while but the two of you got past that rough patch and became stronger for it.

The two of you held each other for the next few minutes. The song was almost over and the sun was almost up. The city was beginning to come to life. Max stood up and looked at you once more, the song was over and all that could be heard in the room was your snores. Max rose up and silently laughed to herself.

“He fell asleep again” Max thought to herself.

[beskar33]

Pre-relationship BoBev, lil over 2k words I think (sowwy). Part of a longer fic I was working on. Two emotionally constipated bros wandering the desert 5ft apart cuz they're not gay.

-

"You gonna actually let me see what we're working with? Take the stupid boot off yourself if you're gonna act like a baby about it."

Boba sighs, leaning his head back to look up at the sky, reds and golds fading into dusk as the twin suns set. Bev is crouching in the twilit sand, muttering under his breath as he rummages through a battered rucksack.

It surprised Boba at first to learn that Bev had originally been trained as a field medic. However many times he'd seen it, it was always odd to observe the mercenary using his skills for healing rather than harming.

Boba grunts as he unfastens the straps on the cover before removing the boot to reveal the heavy durasteel alloy frame that now made up the bottom of his left leg. He removes that as well, wincing at the pressure as he unscrews the sides and pulls it out, forced to see the scarring from the crude cauterization he'd done.

He feels naked without the fake leg, a kind of vulnerability he did not like one bit. The only thing going through his mind in that moment was the thought of some unforeseen foe lurking down the dunes while he was unable to stand.

Bev has laid out a beaten roll of tools and a few herbs that he places in a mortar to grind into a paste.

"When does it hurt? When you move it or if you're standing still?"

"Both."

Bev clicks his tongue when he glimpses over at the remains of Boba's leg.

"I see why. Kinda hack job you did, burc'ya. Looks raw as hell. Probably 'cos every time you bend that thing, it's rubbing against your skin. Need to smooth the socket out and add thicker liner to the inside."

He catches the barely concealed disgust that flickers briefly over Boba's expression.

-

Bev had tended to too many lost body parts in his time. There were some he had seen where the damage was so extensive that he hoped they would die before he got to them so they wouldn't have to bear it. He had even had to fix up his own face when his eye had been gouged out, a pain unlike any other that he still had dreams of sometimes.

He understood well what it was to not want to face the evidence of his humanity, defined by the almost endless capacity to be damaged and still wake the next day. He barely removed his eyepatch, even when he was alone, save for showering. He detested mirrors, refusing to meet whatever beast now resided in them.

-

He pours a bit of bacta over his hands as a precaution before he scoots up closer to Boba, squinting in the firelight. He gingerly touches the skin around the peg and grimaces when he hears Boba hiss between his teeth.

"This'll hurt a bit before it helps. The tank you've been snoozing in might've healed a bit of it but it's pretty useless with the way the weight's resting on it. It's like reopening the wounds each time you move."

Bev continues to speak as he works, gently rubbing the salve around the area and the screws on the sides, his fingers moving automatically, muscle memory.

"Used to use this mixture for everything from blunt force trauma to pulling teeth. Give it a few minutes. It'll numb the pain for a while, so you can sleep easier after this."

Boba watches him closely, unnerved that he's being touched so gently by hands that so many had perished to. It was slightly revolting to him to be seen in such a sorry state, especially by Bev, who he was still sure after all these moons would be tempted to strike him through the heart if he found he could get more credits for it than he was currently being paid.

But oftentimes, much to Boba's confusion, Bev was the only one who noticed things like this and insisted on helping, even if it felt unnecessary, even a bit anxiety-inducing, to Boba.

Bev would examine the wreckage that seemed to follow Boba wherever he went, maybe with some biting retort but never any judgments about the extent of it all. He'd clean it up without being asked. As much as they butted heads, that counted for something to Boba.

"Stop looking at me," Bev says bluntly.

Annoyed, Boba spits back, "I'm looking at what you're doing, not looking at you."

"Whatever," Bev huffs, his instincts telling him to say something awfully rude but stopping himself.

"Hurry up, Mando'ad."

"Quit whining, Fett."

When Bev glances up, he sees a kind of expression in the other man's eyes that sends a flash of self-consciousness through him. He quickly breaks off the eye contact and thereafter does his best to avoid it. He's suddenly all too aware of how close they're sitting, too aware of flesh under his fingers instead of iron.

He notices the way Boba's eyes follow every movement with caution, as if he can't choose whether to keep them on Bev's hands or the desert beyond.

"Relax, burc'ya. Your beloved blaster-fire may've deafened you, but if anyone were to tiptoe within a mile of us, I'd hear them and dispatch them before they got a chance to pray about it."

The fire cracks behind them. The moons begin their ascent over the dunes.

Boba doesn't respond to the reassurance. In fact, it almost makes him feel more uncomfortable. He wants to jump out of his skin but he sits patiently, trying not to look as stripped bare as he sometimes felt around Bev.

Bev cuts off thick layers of bandage to wrap around the area to allow the balm to sink in deep and add some actual padding around the area. He inspects closely, making sure nothing has been missed.

"You're good for now," he murmurs. "I'll fix that foresaken prosthetic for you soon so it won't be such a nuisance. You'll probably neglect to, tion'serimi?"

A few moments pass in near-silence aside from the rustling of Bev's tools, the fire crackling, and the scraping of metal as Boba screws the frame back into place, flexing it slightly to find the familiar pain has mostly left, a dull ache in its place that he could easily ignore.

He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Thanks," he says, a bit begrudgingly.

"It's whatever."

Boba frowns down at his leg, lost in thought for a moment.

"You're a decent healer. What happened to make you enjoy taking lives more than saving them?"

At this, Bev's head jerks up as he looks back like a cornered animal.

"Lots of shit. Nothing you'd wanna hear about before bed."

Boba scoffs. "You think you need to shield me, of all beings, from the realities of life and death?"

"You wouldn't understand," Bev replies lowly.

"I would like to understand. Hence, the question."

"You couldn't."

"How would you know that?" Boba asks coldly.

"I just know."

"You don't know anything. Little pest."

"Usen'ye!" Bev snaps. "Leave it be! Leave me be."

He feels familiar hot, dark anger course through his chest where a heart must have been once. He shakes his head quickly, as if to banish something from himself, tapping two fingers to the beskar'ta on his chest in silent apology to whatever spirits still cared enough to watch over him.

"Fuck. You and all your questions."

He stands, looking down at Boba with more hurt in his face than the Daimyo had seen before. Boba wonders if he's pushed far enough for an actual fight. He stays quiet, impassive, as Bev stares daggers into him. His fingers twitch to feel for the holster of the blaster on his hip as he waits for the other man to draw a weapon.

But Bev just glares, his lips curling into a snarl.

"Listen. I watch your six, you pay up. You don't need to know anything about me that won't impact my job here. Alright? Gods above, Fett. Let me wallow in my fuckin' misery in peace."

At this, he turns and spits on the ground at his feet, leaving Boba grinding his teeth as he wonders what to say. He watches Bev sit back down at the fire, back turned as he slides the thin lance out of its housing in his cane, using a weathered rock to sharpen it.

Boba sighs again, exasperated. Every time he was close to cracking this aggravating headcase, he always hit some unexpected wall that closed down all communication for the rest of the day. He was sure that there must be something, anything, beyond the barrier of rage, something he could hold up to the light and see through.

It had been too many years. He was tired of waiting outside the door, but for some twisted reason could not refrain from continuing to knock.

-

After nearly half an hour passes without a word or glance between them, Boba stands carefully, testing the weight on his sore leg before circling the fire and seating himself right across from Bev, placing his chin in his hands.

"What?" Bev asks, tone laced with venom. "You gonna stare at me all fuckin' night?"

Boba nods to the lance. "If you sharpen that thing any more, the blade will disappear."

"Yeah? How's that your problem? You wanna feel a proper sting when I finally stick it where the suns don't shine?"

"Put down the fucking stone, Talaït. And do not think that you have some special privilege from me. I could end you where you sit and leave your body for the massiffs to pick over."

Bev snorts and casts the rock away and they hear it thud into the sand. He secures the lance back into the cane, laying it across his lap to trail his fingers over the scratches and dents.

"Go ahead then. Nobody'll come looking for me," Bev says definitively, voice strained.

Silence closes its dampening jaws around them once more.

The suns have fully set now, leaving a slight chill in the air, setting their shadows free to dance along the ground with each flicker of flame. Bev wraps his cloak tighter around himself, drawing up his knees as he stares into the fire.

Bitterly he asks, "Why do you never follow through with those bullshit threats of yours? I've seen you in action. You've left bodies in the dirt to rot for lesser offenses. So why am I still here right now?"

Boba raises his eyebrows, taken slightly off guard by this. He prods the fire with a twig before tossing it in and watching it twist grotesquely as it burns away.

He tilts his head as he studies Bev's face, which appears uncharacteristically defeated. "You want to die then? With barely half a life lived?"

"Made my peace with it. A long time ago. I know better than to want anything."

Boba sniffs, grinding his teeth again. So much runs through his head, churning and smashing together, an indecipherable mass of something he doesn't want to see or feel trying to crawl out of his skull through his mouth.

Gods, how he wished it was hatred, something he knew how to handle. He wished he could rip it out of his body, slam it down in the space between them, a physical trophy.

How he wanted to point to it and scream at Bev, "Look at it. Here is what you dredge out of me. Here is the terrible mess, this awful, nauseating thing you've created inside of me. How fucking dare you ever think to leave me alone with it."

After a long pause, he says instead, "You want to know why I'm not strangling you right now, you little shit?"

They meet each other's gaze.

"Nothing scares you, Talaït. Not this," Boba motions to his leg, "never flinching away from any part of me or others that would make anyone else turn heel. I'm not sure if you're the bravest or the stupidest man I've ever met. I'm still trying to decide."

Bev looks back to the fire, transfixed on the roiling currents of the thoughts still threatening to drown him. He tugs absentmindedly at one of the rings pierced through his lip.

He's nearly whispering when he finally speaks again.

"Are you ever afraid?"

His eye swivels up to Boba again, all the anger seemingly seeped out.

At this Boba can't help but laugh a little.

"You're joking."

But for once, there are no verbal fists at the ready from Bev as he replies, "I mean it. You ever get scared? 'Cos I can't imagine it."

"Then I have done quite a fine job of fooling you."

Bev nods slowly. "Guess I fooled you too then. Sometimes, I think I'm afraid of everything around me. Everyone."

"Even me?"

"Especially you."

The words are like teeth against Boba's throat.

"Why?" he asks, trying not to let any hurt creep into his voice.

Bev blinks at him, jaw clenched, as if the answer was written on his face and Boba was purposefully ignoring it.

"'Cos I don't like to look in the mirror."

[hamliet]

Didn't realise you watched RWBY, hamliet. Pleasant surprise! Who would be your favourite character from it, and why? Just curious.

Drumroll...

Mercury Black!

This will shock no one who has followed me for any length of time. Give me a character who is angry at the world, who has been through hell and just wants to survive, who cloaks fear and trauma in anger and armor, who desperately wants love and safety but doesn't even realize it themselves.

Mercury's internal conflict is fascinating thus far. He deeply cares about Emerald--that much is obvious. People call Mercury crueler than her, but I don't see that at all. He's been protecting her from their very first scene together, and this extends to protecting her from Tyrian (an obvious stand-in for his father). He even is upfront with Emerald about Cinder's abuse of her.

Mercury is honest with Emerald because she meets him where he's at. The conversation between them in Volume 6 is one of the best scenes in the show--you'll note that Mercury only opens up to Emerald after she starts meeting his blows. In other words, Mercury opens up to Emerald because she meets him where he's at, in the language he understands, even if it's violence at the moment. This scene is so telling on not just Emerald and Merc's relationship, but about Mercury and how he sees love, family (the topic of the conversation), and connection. Violence to him is those things. Why wouldn't it be?

And yet, there's a part of him that clearly knows it's not how it should be. Tyrian calls him out on this in that very same scene, and Mercury also clearly snapped and killed his father. He was raised by an assassin who abused him, stole his soul, left his body injured permanently. He's now subject to Tyrian who gives off extremely disturbing vibes. Obvious subtext is obvious.

Yet, Mercury still defends Emerald from Tyrian. From Cinder. From Roman.

He's also extremely well written. Like, his arc is still largely ahead of us, but in each and every scene he's in? We learn something new about him. His arc has never stagnated, not for one scene. I don't think you can say this about literally any other character.

Mercury's arc has potential to be one of the best explorations of abuse in the show, and potential to be pivotal plot-wise, world-building wise, and theme-wise.

Plot-wise, I think Mercury realizing that he's still being abused by Salem, Tyrian, and Cinder would provide Cinder with a very necessary wakeup call. (Clearly, Cinder was hurt that Emerald left, but she wasn't woken up. At this point, Salem's approval and disapproval haven't woken her. Emerald leaving her hasn't either. Her Grimm arm and Ruby's likely compassion should play a part in waking her up, but Mercury's leaving her--hopefully with a callout that mimics Yang's epic call out of Raven in Volume 5--will jump-start her self-reflection.

World-building wise, I think it's pretty likely Mercury will get his semblance back, or develop a new one. Abuse does hurt you. It can damage you in some ways. But it can't take your soul, and even if what you have left feels damaged, you can still make something of that, and heal. Mercury's semblance being uncovered somehow offers massive potential for how we understand semblances.

Lastly, thematically. Mercury keeps acting out his own abuse. Not only through hurting and humiliating others, but through the relationship with Tyrian clearly being a stand-in for his father, through Cinder also being a stand-in for his father, through the Vytal Festival, too. Let's see, a boy whose father destroyed him body and soul and was completely ignored by society feigning the destruction before the entire world--wonder why he might enjoy that sympathy. But part of what RWBY is about is calling out the hidden truths--Salem, the treatment of the faunus, the disparities between Mantle and Atlas--and bringing them into the light. From what we've seen of Cinder and the children in cages, Remnant has a serious problem with child abuse. Mercury getting fake-injured in front of them all could have been a wakeup call. Plus, breaking the cycle--which I'm fairly certain he will do--is powerful itself.

[asteral-feileacan]

Sorry, I pressed a button and sent you that last ask before i finished it Can you delete it? That line you mentioned in your last answer, where Bucky says "I remember every kill"- just doesn't make sense in terms of the continuty. Wasn't his memory wiped between every mission specifically so he couldn't remember? Also, if you are passing so much electricity through the brain of a human that they are literally screaming in agony and have to have a mouthgaurd put in to stop them biting their own tongue off with the pain--- that is going to have serious effect on their brain and body.

If the guy who had that done to him says he can remember everything then either:

a) The torture didn't work or

b) He's actually lying: was saying that he remembered it a condition of his pardon, or something? I agree: the way his trauma was treated - just wasn't great. In the first couple of episides, it seemed like it was being addressed- but then they seem to have forgotten about it and got caught up in the whole catching the terrorists storyline, and then the racial inequality storyline with Sam. The final scenes with Bucky telling that sweet old Japanese guy what happened to his son seemed to be added as an afterthought when they deserved *much* more time. Bucky was clearly deeply upset just at the memory: his voice was cracking and he sounded like he was going to start crying. We should have seen more of the reaction and the impact.

it seems to me that if he was *that* distressed at just reliving the memory of one kill he could not have remembered all of them because it would have overwhelmed him and probably tipped him over the edge. ...and the therapist. Just don't get me started. I hate the way that the show treated therapy as something that was either funny or annoying. Can we just for *once* see a male character going to therapy and it being depicted as a positive or beneficial experience? Instead of just denying or ignoring their trauma and internalizing it.

Honestly, the problem is writers who don't understand how PTSD works, don't know how trauma impacts people, and don't understand that men not admitting how much they are hurting isn't being "strong".

Done, no worries!

"If the guy who had that done to him says he can remember everything then either: a) The torture didn't work or b) He's actually lying: was saying that he remembered it a condition of his pardon, or something?"

Personally? I think it's both to some extent. I always think of it more as, there has to be a reason that Hydra had to keep performing the brainwashing/conditioning, and keep using the trigger words to keep him at bay. He's a super-soldier, and has the healing factor, so he'll recover far quicker and more effectively than anyone else subjected to the conditioning. Where a non-super-soldier might not have even survived, Bucky did, and I think it's very telling that as soon as he stops getting the conditioning, he starts remembering things.

So despite all of the work and pain that Bucky has had to do to even begin undoing this damage, Hydra's methods had cracks in them, and that's why Bucky's able to remember things. Even with that, there was still extensive damage, and maybe he really doesn't remember as much as he claims. Again, to go back to my previous responses, this is a guy who was reduced to a state where he couldn't, wasn't allowed to, remember who he was, and in the wake of that, has not been given the help he needs and fears he's a monster.

Then there's the dreams. We know he has dreams, nightmares of the people the Winter Soldier killed, and we know they're extremely vivid. I can't really say whether he remembers names, but he for sure remembers their faces, and that's already bad enough.

And as for the distress of remembering all those kills in THAT level of detail - that's exactly why Bucky desperately needs real and competent psychological aid. Even if he doesn't remember every single kill, he clearly remembers a significant amount of them, which is hardly any better. Maybe he's already had a point where he's been overwhelmed by his memories and has since had to defend himself against them? The other option is that that point hasn't happened, but it's going to happen, because, well, the only thing that's changed is that he has people to support him now - he hasn't made other progress in terms of his mental health and the only other good thing going for him is that I assume he doesn't go back to that therapist.

Exactly. The show not only doesn't give Bucky a chance, it flat out refuses to allow him to be vulnerable and open when it matters. I can think of three scenes where that happens; the first is him telling Yori what happened to his son, the second is his talk with Sam when they're throwing the shield back and forth, and the third is that one from the dual therapy session ("If he was wrong about you then he was wrong about me."). There may be more, I haven't seen TFATWS in a while, but these are the ones that stick out to me.

The first WAS quite literally an afterthought. It's like they remembered at the last second about the old man and were like "oh crap", and then shoehorned a 2-3 minute confession scene in THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN FINISH. Sebastian Stan's acting in that was beautiful and didn't deserve to be cut off in the middle.

The second was a step in the right direction, and it did resolve the tension between the main characters. But they didn't follow through on it, and Sam only barely got past Bucky's flippant facade there and then they were like, "aight we're done".

The third. Oh my god, the third. The potential. And it was never referenced again, iirc. The scene started out so silly, and that sudden tone shift almost saved it, but they chucked it out the window by not following through again and making light of the entire therapy.

Oh yeah - the Isaiah Bradley scene. In my eyes, that was one angry, brutally hurt and bitter character lashing out at another. That's such a good lesson for writers there on building real characters. Isaiah hated Bucky, scorned his attempts to be better, because in his eyes, he was right. Everyone's behaviour makes sense to them, and everyone has reasons for that behaviour, good or bad. It's such a beautiful lesson in building characters' psyche.... or it would be, if it wasn't the view of the people writing the show just trying to belittle Bucky again.

Like, I'm not saying that Bucky doesn't make mistakes of his own, or is a perfect baby boy who can do no wrong, that people need to walk on eggshells around him or that everyone must respect him because his feelings are more important than anything else.

I am saying that he is a trauma survivor who deserves help and love and support in his healing journey, who is not getting that in the capacity that he needs. I am saying that the way this studio treats him is garbage, and the way it expects praise for treating him in that manner is vile.

Honestly, the problem is writers who don't understand how PTSD works, don't know how trauma impacts people, and don't understand that men not admitting how much they are hurting isn't being "strong".

PLEASE. PLEASE say it louder for the people in the back. On top of absolutely everything else, the way they treated Bucky was a massive mockery of male victims.

[quartz39]

Self hatred.

I always found it easy to hate myself.

Didn't look the way I wanted, didn't behave the way I wanted, didn't experience life the way I wanted. My thoughts were all wrong, my feelings were all wrong, everything that I was - wasn't who I wanted to be.

I was miserable, and I blamed many for it... more than anything I blamed myself.

And it wasn't always a conscious decision either, for the longest time I didn't realize why I hated myself, well, I didn't exactly care either. Being alive was agonizing, I was the reason I couldn't be happy, I was the reason I wasn't who I wanted to be, I was the reason everything about me was so... fucked up.

So I lived, the only way living with someone you despise so loudly goes. Maybe if I bring myself down, maybe if I deny myself basic needs, maybe if I mistreat myself, maybe if I dehumanize myself, maybe if I break myself until there's nothing left...

It didn't make me get any closer to loving myself.

Quite the opposite, actually. In hindsight not only I was miserable, I was also living with someone who made it their life goal to make me miserable... me.

I hated myself, and all it did was make me hate myself more. A never-ending snowballing suffering, where the more energy I spent to make sure I know I hate myself, the more I hated myself back.

How would've it went if it wasn't between me and myself? What if it was between me and lets say someone else? If someone spent their entire waking time on ruining my life and health, would I still be wishing that one day I could love them? Would I still be so lost and confused as to why I'm unable to be happy? Would I still claim that the way I'm being treated is deserved and healthy? Would I still enable them?

The answer is of course - no.

And if I wasn't a part of the scenario? What if I was witnessing someone mistreat someone else for years upon years, would I still side with the one causing the harm? Would I still blame the other for struggling, for being unhappy, for not loving them?

No.

I always found it easy to hate myself, to side with the mentality that I'm the problem, that I'm the issue, that I deserve pain and nothing else.

But looking at it from the other perspective... From the eyes of someone hurting and wishing to for nothing but a moment of a peace of mind, wishing for safety and for learning how it feels to be seen as a whole person... It made me think.

There was a side of me that I despised, and reasonably so - and it wasn't the weak, broken and trauma filled side of me... It was the side that claimed I deserved to be treated as less than human, the side that claimed that I didn't deserve love, that I didn't deserve to heal, to be alive...

Something had to change, I couldn't keep damaging myself my entire life... I was correct - I was indeed the reason I was miserable. I was the one who kept bringing myself down, denying myself basic needs, mistreating myself, dehumanizing myself, breaking myself... I was the one hurting myself for not looking the way I wanted to, was the one attacking myself for not behaving the way I wanted to, harming myself for not experiencing life the way I wanted to.

Many have told me things that have stuck in my mind, things that plagued me for years... but no one has mistreated me as much as I mistreated myself. I told myself my thoughts were wrong, told myself my feelings were wrong, abused myself for not being who I wanted to be, for not being happy.

I always found it easy to hate myself, and it never got me any closer to loving myself.

But giving myself a chance at treating myself well, did.

[kingdarkstalker]

Ok, real quick before I get into the topic at hand, I just wanna say thank you for speaking your mind about the issues of Wings of Fire. Before I heard what you had to say, I saw nothing wrong with the book series. I foolishly thought it was peak writing. But now, I see just how horribly Tui handled the series. It had so much potential for amazing world-building, plots, and character arcs, but it was all thrown away for some cruddy romance and poorly-written villianry.

Now, I'm SERIOUSLY considering rewriting the first arc. I dunno about the others, but definitely the first five books. So, I came to you with some questions, since you have a brilliant mind and are just as livid about this as I am.

So, with all that aside, one question is what all would you change about the villians? I'm thinking about making Coral a minor villian, since she already has the potential to be one. I'm also going to make Blister much more cunning than she is in the original books, (she slipped up too quickly imho), in the rewrite, she's probably going to seem kind and considerate and have the dragonets warm up to her. They're definitely going to see through the illusion at some point, but def not as quickly as before. But, how would you write the nightwing plan? What changes do you recommend making?

Another question is what youtube videos or websites you would recommend for writing accurate trauma and PTSD? I strongly feel like Tui didn't really write it nearly as accurately as it should have been, almost completely brushing it aside except for Glory and Sora. I want to be as accurate as I can, because what Tui did was insulting to say the least. If you don't have any recommendations, that's perfectly fine! Just some input would be great as well.

Another question is how would you have written Sunny if you had the choice? I personally feel as if she had a lot of thrown away potential. For instance, her cheery personality could have been hiding years worth of bottled up feelings, setting them aside as a way of coping. And, as she and her adopted siblings saw more and more of the world, she became more and more aware and less and less naive, acknowledging just how awful everything was and how the guardians treated her and her siblings. Of course, during her last few moments with Kestrel, she holds onto the hope that the skywing dragoness wasn't as awful as she let herself be, but she was severely disappointed to realize that she was, in fact, a terrible dragon. That experience is like a sort of wake-up call for Sunny, opening her eyes to the harsh reality of the world. Once she finds out Kestrel was murdered, she doesn't cry, but merely sits in shock. Sunny's not sorry that she died because she loved the skywing as a mother, no. Far from it. She is sorrowful and angry that Kestrel died withot apologizing or owning up to her cruelty. Not even once. She had died and left behind damage that she could no longer fix. And Sunny was angry. Soon, Webs joins the group, but only because Blister wants him dead and he's safest with the dragonets, who ofc have the decency to get him help. He stays, but Sunny's stern with him, being just as angry at him as Tsunami and Glory. She still saves him from the scratch, but as soon as he's healed, he's kicked ot of the group. Everyone understands that Glory feels discomfort and outright hatred toward Webs, even though he'd never directly abused her, but he'd allowed it to happen, which is just as horrible. Everyone agrees to kick him out, even Sunny, who understands Glory's reasons and needs. Webs is never appointed a teacher at Jade Mountain Acadamy. In fact, the school doesn't even exist. Instead, the dragonets have a sort of therapy building, instead, where dragons of all tribes go to heal and recover from the war, kinda like in the fanfiction "Healed". But, that's just my version. If you have any opinions or ideas about it, feel free to let me know!

Overall, what changes would you make to the series as a whole? I kinda like the idea that, if they ever meet, instead of crushing on Moonwatcher, Qibli and Winter see her more like a sister than anything, since they're desperate for that kind of familial connection. Also, I want Deathbringer to take Glory under his wing as a big brother. I also want Mangrove to take in Glory and see her as a daughter alongside Orchid, who is very considerate to Glory's needs and opinions. Also, Kinkajou is Glory's adopted little sister now, and no one can deter me from that. I also want Farsight to survive and give Starflight the motherly love he needs. I hc him as Autistic and that because of that, Webs, Dune, and Kestrel were especially impatient with him. But, him meeting Farsight and getting the comfort and validation he needs could really provide hope and comfort to people with autism out there who read abt this. As a person with autism myself, I would have loved that in the book series. Ofc, Farsight would have her flaws, but also get her character arc, too. There are some other changes I would like to share, but this is getting really long, so if you have any ideas, please let me know! Any help would be more wonderful than you could even fathom.

Sorry for the long post, here's a potato <3

aw shucks, thank you for your kind words and the potato! ^.=.^ <3 we're happy to have helped you see what the problems are in tuis writing, and believe me, these things are so common and normal its undrstandable to not immediately recognize them. we all grew up on these things

definitely make coral a bigger villain and an oppressive force on all her kids, even kingdom given that she kills every guard that "let" her eggs be destroyed. especially since she was totally cool with grooming her daughters into being war weapons and child brides to her adult assistant

honestly i havent thought a lot about how or if id rewrite the sandwing sisters, though i do have an alternate ending to brightest night that includes rewrites of their deaths, youre more than welcome to use this in your rewrite :}

i swear to god i wrote a post on rewriting the nightwing thing but cant find it!! anyway personally id lean more towards the island isnt actively killing them, in fact it was a great place to live until the queen overused the land and theyre running out of food due to the incompetence of the royals in power. then battlewinner starts to plot an invasion of rainwings (keeping the fucking direct holocaust references out of it), but say, some young nightwings discover this and start a group resisting her and reaching out to the rainwings to figure out a way to stop battlewinner -- eventually glory leads a rescue party and lets the innocent nightwings off the island while the rest can explode on the volcano idk lol

honestly i dont have any specific references that i know are trustable, sorry :( anything about PTSD that i write comes from personal experience and experiences from friends and peers. ask around if anyone close to you is comfortable sharing a bit about what its like for them! with respect to their boundaries of course

ive got no critiques on your sunny rewrite, its geat! its essentially where i would have gone, because i agree that she was extremely lost potential of an exploration of toxic positivity and maladaptive coping mechanisms that MANY child abuse survivors develop, but treat them with nuance and as things to grow from instead of just molding her into the "perfect child"

i think your found family take on moon and qibli and winter, thats very cute and honestly wouldve been much preferred to the forced romance. they do honestly act more like siblings than anything, but qibli and winter? THEYRE the ones dating and in love lol

big brother deathbringer is great! he shouldve been that from the start, i feel like the way tui writes glory as "tsundere" for him is creepy regardless of age gap lol

mangrove and orchid adopting glory is ADORABLE what a perfect idea!! :"0 she deserves some older dragons around to support and love her, and it just makes sense they would remain close after all they went through. kinkajou is defeinitely already canonically glorys sister

starflight is definitely a little autism creature :) and keeping farsight alive is an interesting idea! it introduces the possibility of him and fierceteeth to find a way to recover together with her, or at least heal and move on

you're welcome to browse my blog for more ideas! there are so many great brainstorms that have been sent my way, along with my own headcanons~

[brightblessed-aa]

"You do not have to get me anything." Allan must certainly look pathetic enough to even consider caring for. As confounding and... strangely warming as it is to have Roi bring him a meal every so often, Allan still does not wish to be looked upon with pity. Allan knows how he looks: certainly more gaunt than ever, more tired from his trip to the First, and reluctant to venture out as much as he has done in the past beyond his residence in Ishgard. Still, Roi does not look much better. The trials have been hard on the man, and Allan does not wish to add to it, nor does he wish to see him try so hard to care for Allan, of all people, who does not deserve such thoughtfulness. Y'shtola had been enough, more than enough, and even now Allan is averse to telling her his condition. But Roi as well? Twelve. Perhaps Allan should find a more private abode after this.

"Truly. Do you not have other errands to run?" Allan huffs out. He crosses one leg over the other as he watches Roi set down a bag of... something. "You cannot have this much time to spend with me." Even though they have spend much more time together before, long ago. And with much more intimacy, but Allan tries not to think about that. Almost losing Y'shtola and Roi himself had been enough for him to not wish to add to such trauma. "I told you, I've not the stomach for that much food." Even though it is a fairly portioned meal, but what Roi does not know will not hurt him. "I assure you, I can take care of myself well enough." Although he's certain Y'shtola has told Roi about his awful habits; Allan would not put it past her.

( @swerte. )

 ⸻ ♞

He had been trying to keep busy. Since the others had returned home, Roi had spent much of his time worrying about them. Especially G'raha, who he still worried may somehow get lost. Losing people was not easy for him. And when the Exarch turned to crystal inside the tower, Roi had felt the familiar pain of loss. He still worried he would wake up and the reality he expected would come to pass. That all of his loved ones that had been on the first would be dead. Trapped on the first until their souls shriveled away. That G'raha would have died there in that tower, only a statue to show that he ever existed. And while it was easier to keep track of the members of the scions, one specific person seemed to be harder to reach.

Allan was thin. Thinner than usual. As damaged as his aether already seemed, according to Y'shtola, the entire trip must have been brutal for him. Roi couldn't help but mentally kick himself. It was his fault that Allan got wrapped up in all this. And he knew it could happen again the next time someone or something set their sights on the Warrior of Light.

He had been trying to prepare food that Allan could stomach. Of course, pretending he didn't make it himself. It felt even worse than usual making food for him. Considering their past... Roi could accept that he did have special and frustrating feelings for Allan. Though he knew it was never going anywhere. That was fine. Even if it hurt at times, simply not having the other in his life wasn't something he was willing to accept. It was selfish, but he wanted to make sure the other was safe. Even if... the biggest danger to him was Roi, himself. Being close to Roi brought nothing but misfortune to most.

"Oh shut up." There was no hostility in his tone whatsoever. "I'm not going to work so hard to get you back to your body only for you to neglect it."

The food he prepared would hopefully be easy for Allan to eat. Enjoy, even. Though he isn't sure how much Allan would enjoy food regardless.

"Eat it. Then I need to talk to you about something." He averted his gaze a little bit at the second bit. It was a talk he needed to have with him. However, he wasn't sure exactly how it would go over.

"I've been advised to not do anything dangerous now that we've all returned. Y'shtola wants to make certain my aether is healing." He still didn't feel normal. His skin was paler as well. Sometimes he felt... Ah, never mind it.

"So as it happens, I've found myself with an abundance of free time at the moment."

[arcticdementor]

I have written and spoken about the four types of racism – individualised, structural, institutional and internal. I have rarely talked about the latter for many reasons, mainly because the majority can interpret it as attacking People of Colour. I do not pen this piece of writing for the gaze of white folx; thus, if you are racialised as white, please read with caution; Hold your privilege in mind, and I humbly ask you to stay in your lane face your front. These words are not about or for you.

…

We should look back at the opening quote. We need to think about the idea of trauma. Some traumas are incredibly powerful, so ingrained that it embeds in the dispositional of unborn foetuses (Williams, 2020); they span centuries and through a diasporic spread both through ‘voluntary’ and forced migration encompasses the globe. These traumas lead to the environmental factors that lead to the same cycles that destroy the meritocracy premise. Yes, I am saying that chattel slavery, colonisation and every act of racism between then and now impact People of Colour today. Sleep. Sleep is important. The unconscious state is not necessarily a place of healing but one of survival. Without a level of denial of the hurt, how would one exist in this world? Imagine for a minute. a Black person in the UK being subjected to the daily glorification of those who thought of their ancestors as animals, commodities. Stack that with the fact they were compensated by the government (for their loss of stock). At the same time, the descendants of those very same people use their privilege to run the country (two whole prime ministers). Sleep is important. I have often seen the media point to those embued and enamoured by whiteness. Look, here are a few Brown and Black folx who agree with our ideology. While this is fundamentally and systemically damaging, we still have to consider all our Brown and Black brethren as victims of the same racism. Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s easier to pretend that the violence inflicted on melanated bodies is not based on racism but anything else. It’s easier to blame other folx for not working harder enough, centre on class, the wrong place and time or my favourite ‘it’s not what you know but who you know’.  I am not asleep, and I refuse to keep my morning calls on silent mode. It’s time to wake and awaken those around you.

[olivethetreebitch]

I lied, sleep has decided to abandon me.

Fuck it.

Agender Wild, goes with whatever pronouns doesn’t give a FAUK.

So I think the resurrection chamber stoped his body from aging, like, completely. Like time stoped for the body.

Like I absolutely love the elderich soul aus where Wild is not Link, but just inhabits the dead man’s Body??? Like that’s my fucking bread and BUTTER. MMM all the good flavors.

So Wild was not aware that she is in fact, part Gerudo due to a permanent curse on said body, the curse would eventually fade due to use over time but it never happened. Link went back first.

Wild, before being born, finds and kicks Ganandorfs ass, rightfully taking the triforce of power for itself (another headcanon is that only a Gerudo “male” or in other words “one of Ganon’s linage” (because all the males have been Ganon, so it’s another name for a male Gerudo) may hold the triforce of Power)

So. Wild has both the triforce of power and courage, basically sacrificing his timeline body to seal and break down the Malice (not to completely destroy it but anything helps) and becoming a spirit for a full 20 min before they wake up as Baby.

[cue epic music]

Also the Gerudo do not know about Wild’s existence, momma had some issues with the currant social norms that Gerudo were expected to hold so they left to travel.

Wild in this is actually a year younger (physically) then Zelda, so heheh there’s that.

Literally Wild is just the peak of the meme

“On god…

…..Please shut up….

…..Please.”

Every fucking time. Also is the peak of ADHD.

Uhhh Wild knows how to play a multitude of instruments, and knows a lot of languages (all the native languages and common, even some from outside the kingdom)

But he did not know Hyruleian until she met the chain, and they all took a turn trying to teach the gremlin…….

They have the most complicated and messy dialect of everyone. Flora tried to figure out where it is from, but couldn’t place it. Eventually Wild told her.

Wild refers to the 100 year old Zelda as Flora as she really learned how to stand on her own, and became a little (older?) sister to them. The currant young Zelda hasn’t quite fit into the role yet. (Maybe another name? Probably not. It’ll be a character growth thing. She needs to break through the trauma to even start assessing the damages)

Another thing on the Fierce thing: after the bbeg was defeated, there was this time where the entire group ended up in the holy/god realm as Time was getting the rundown the Chain met Hylia face to face, yes she’s their other mother other then Malon. Legend is like that grumpy kitten that’s sulking. He gets a hug don’t worry.

And because Wild is a priest, she can talk to any of the gods their close to, which includes the main three, Hylia, Time, Fierce, and the other Priests. (Sometimes Sun if he concentrates hard enough)

Which means when the king is digging into Zelda, Wild is over here side eyeing Hylia like “Bruh what do I do-“ and she’s like “Kick his ass” “not yet”

Wild is determined to help Zel in any way it can, be it through giving her flowers, reviving Terico (the egg, no I don’t know how to spell it), and just generally trying to make her life easier.

Wild also wants desperately to kidnap Zel and let her not only sleep, but actually teach her how to tap into the goddess.

(Healing first, then trust, then building up magic reserves, then doing actual shit)

Wild: [aggressively but also tenderly big siblings Zelda into having better mental heath]

Wild: I’m supposed to be the sad one! You get your own script!

Wild loves the champions, ace wild strikes again when it comes to Mipha, she kinda reminds him of Hyrule. So like….. no. Deruk is like a brother to him and he cares about- Urbosa he respects and reminds her of her mother. Rivali Wild has decided is not worth the energy at this point, and exclusively calls him Ravioli.

Ta daaa

[redorich]

to those who carried on

A fic for @petrichormeraki​ and their Hermit!Tommy AU.

-------

The hermits know Tommy as a quiet young man who is very sad and contemplative. The more time they spend with him (against his will, but they know he needs the company) the more they learn of the little details. His favorite block is cobblestone, he likes building towers, and apparently his favorite woman is the Queen. They don’t ask why he wears a smiley mask even though he never seems happy. They don’t ask why he hides important things in his ender chest. They don’t ask why he wears a shattered compass on a chain about his neck.

(Once, he died in lava and lost his absolute mind. He was so upset about the compass that he didn’t even mention the stack and a half of diamond ore he had on him. Xisuma ended up manually rolling back the server just so Tommy could have it back.)

As time goes on, the tremors in Tommy's hands grow lesser. His dull blond hair seems a bit brighter, his bruises fade quicker, he doesn’t look quite so skinny-- he spends his time serenely building, resource gathering instead of running and fighting. He has a sense of humor under all that trauma, which the hermits unfortunately find out after another massive-scale prank war thought to be instigated by Grian actually turns out to be Tommy's fault.

Tommy starts swearing more. Doc gets the stink eye from Stress for this, but Doc insists he’s never once sworn around the young man. (That’s an absolute lie, but it wasn’t anything Tommy hadn’t heard before. Tommy thinks Doc is remarkably unoriginal in his cursing. He does take note of the German ones, though.)

Inviting Tommy to PvP minigames can be touchy, they learn. He likes to fight, but he fights like an animal with nothing to lose. Grian once chanted, “It stays in the pit!” and everyone present had to spend the next five minutes wrangling Tommy’s soul back into his body from wherever it’d floated off to.

Tommy likes to glide with his elytra. He claims he’s never had one before, but he flies like such a natural that a few people have their doubts. On a dark desert night, with dark blue eyes watching the night sky, he confides to Cub that it reminds him of the way his dad used to fly. He hates rockets, though. He does not confide to Cub that it reminds him of what his brother did to his best friend. He says enough that Cub can guess, though.

Scar gets fed up with Tommy’s creeper holes and makes Tommy help him fix them. At first, Tommy has no clue why Scar is breaking out things like coarse dirt and birch leaves and making the ground all fancy, but he’s not afraid of a little hard work and Scar makes it fun. He learns a lot about terraforming that day, and awkwardly comes back a few days later asking if Scar needs any more help terraforming. Tommy still hasn’t built a real base, not by Hermitcraft standards, but the small hill he’s built his dirt hut near now has a very beautiful, if amateurish, waterfall. He doesn’t tell Scar about this, but Scar finds out anyway. Tommy wakes up one morning to find that someone has left a shulker box in his house. Instead of iron-gripped paranoia, he just feels wonder that someone would give him a gift-- to the hermits, a single shulker box is nothing. To Tommy, it’s everything.

The shulker box contains coarse dirt, birch leaves, and a silk touch shovel.

Tommy helps Xisuma mine a giant hole in the ground near bedrock, because he realizes that he’s never thanked the admin for getting him his compass back. Well, that and the fact that instamining with a haste two beacon and an efficiency five pickaxe is a novelty. Xisuma lets him keep the cobble, since everyone knows it’s Tommy’s favorite block, but also insists he keep some of the other blocks like andesite and diorite. He pats Tommy on the head and tells him to talk to Bdubs about building a house some time. Tommy nods. He's taken aback by how tall Xisuma is, completely contrasting his mild nature. He reminds Tommy of Wilbur, on one of his good days before... Before. Not Ghostbur, though-- the admin is much too alive.

Tommy waits too long, so eventually Bdubs comes to him. The man is silly and outrageous, playing everything for laughs and unexpectedly tender. Bdubs plays up how beautiful he thinks Tommy’s hideous dirt shack is, then offers to help him build a house that’s better. For Tommy, building a house means settling down, accepting that this is his home now. Bdubs doesn’t know this. Tommy builds cobblestone dicks while Bdubs tries to lecture him about depth and block variation. Nothing gets done and Bdubs feels like he might have failed, but come next week Bdubs is flying over the area and sees the dicks are gone; so is the dirt house. In its place is a spruce-and-cobble cottage nestled near the tiny waterfall. Off to the side, he’s made a cozy doghouse for his fox, Theo. Bdubs doesn’t know how close that fox came to being named Fundy.

He spars with False, and she very pointedly does not mention how his stances are uniquely suited to a piglin. There’s only one renowned fighter who’s a piglin, after all. It's Tommy’s story to tell, if he ever does, why he’s seen enough of the legendary Technoblade’s fights to pick up on his stances, yet he’s not experienced enough to know that they don’t suit him. Instead, False gives him different stances suited more for tall, skinny people like the two of them. She’s got blond hair and blue eyes just like him. (Not that she’d know. She’s never seen his eyes, hidden behind his mask as they are.) Every now and then, he imagines her as an older sister, and the one time he says so, she smiles. When Tommy’s at home, looking at his own distorted reflection in his waterfall (he’s improved it since he built it), he muses that their eyes aren’t the same, their hair colors are subtly off. It’s close enough, he thinks.

Stress dies from fall damage and Tommy goes out of his way to pick up her stuff, because the hermits do these things out of the kindness of their hearts. The thought never even crosses their minds to steal. It crosses his mind. He doesn’t do it. Stealing from Stress would be like stealing from Niki.

He shows up at Cleo’s base unannounced and demands to see the “cool shit”. He is appropriately enthused by the giant armor-stand-bugs. She tries teaching him her armor stand magic, but it doesn’t really sink in. It’s okay, she assures him, most people don’t have the knack for it. He does, however, learn that buttons make excellent decorations. He also learns how to braid hair, bribed by ice cream. He is terrible at it, to the point where Joe has to come by to help the two untangle her hair so Tommy can start again. Watching the two bicker over capitalism and six million armor stands and a whole host of other inside jokes he doesn’t get, he thinks he’s starting to understand what friendship is supposed to be like. Joe and Cleo don’t see him clutching his compass. He and Tubbo weren’t too far off from this, given their circumstances. Maybe...

Maybe Tubbo can be forgiven.

Tommy makes minigames of his own, ones that don’t just kill you and steal your stuff. He builds things that are pretty instead of just functional, brews potions with Stress and only calls them drugs once (again, upsetting her is like upsetting Niki. Best not done), and sets up chicken bombs above people’s bases instead of just lavacasting them. (As Grian saw the hundreds of chickens slowly raining down upon his mansion, he got such a peculiar look on his face that Tommy feared he’d fucked up. The shorter, stronger (much stronger oh god why is he so strong despite being so small) man nearly crushed Tommy’s lungs in a hug, proclaiming how proud he was of Tommy. Tommy was proud of himself for not accidentally murdering Grian out of reflex. Was this what healing was like?)

Yes. It is what healing is like. Tommy knows this because that wound gets ripped open again. Tango shows him how to build the most obnoxious redstone-powered noise machine the two can think of. Tango digs a small pit, and asks Tommy to throw down his axe. Suddenly, Tommy’s in Logstedshire again; it’s not Tango asking, it’s Dream. His hands don’t shake when he tosses his axe into the pit, followed by his sword and his armor. It isn't until he’s placed the TNT down that Tango grabs his wrist and asks him what he’s doing. Tommy’s eyes clear enough that he can see past the blond hair and freckles. Tango isn’t green, he’s red. He's shorter than Dream, and his worried eyes are unhidden. Tommy shudders, then tells Tango everything.

Tango has no pity for Tommy, just understanding and sympathy. He doesn’t push Tommy to talk about it, but when Tommy’s done telling his story, Impulse and Zedaph show up. They all pretend that Tommy’s voice isn’t hoarse, that they all didn’t conveniently happen to look away when Tommy took off his mask just long enough to wipe his eyes. The men bake a cake together, fool around with honey blocks, and don’t talk about it.

Tommy knows very little about redstone, considers himself more of a builder and a fighter than an engineer. Still, Mumbo’s living base is inspiring, and Tommy often hangs around the man’s industrial district just to watch Mumbo work. Mumbo knows that Tommy hasn’t purchased a day pass, but it’s nice having someone around to talk to while he works. It’s not like Tommy is stealing anything. (Tommy totally steals from Mumbo’s industrial district storage system. The man’s farms are so efficient that he doesn’t even notice, so Tommy assumes it’s fine. What Mumbo doesn’t know won’t hurt him.)

Lava still isn’t his favorite thing in the world. He stays far away from it, instead of imagining what it would be like to hurtle towards it. Ren doesn’t really notice this, but he does notice that Tommy doesn’t seem to like his mustafarian base. On a spur-of-the-moment whim, Ren whips up some absurd plotline in which he is a lone weary traveller seeking refuge at Tommy’s base from strange alien overlords. The two have fun together, and the young man cracks more absurd jokes about it than the hermits have ever seen him do. When Ren leaves a week later to return to his own base, Tommy keeps being absurd, if a bit more subdued without someone to play off of. He builds a shrine to the “prime log”, which grows more elaborate each day. Beef and xB pretend to be his acolytes, despite having no clue what a “twitch prime” is.

They can’t see his face, but the smile in his voice is a far cry from the despondency he once wore like a heavy cloak. He is so much more animated and alive, full of motivation. He builds an entire island in three days, and hand-delivers an invitation to each and every hermit for his beach party. Everyone shows up, even those with packed schedules (Iskall) and those with introverted tendencies (Etho). Tommy is nearly moved to tears when they show up in groups of twos and threes, as though he hadn’t expected anyone to come. There aren’t enough chairs for everyone, but there is more than enough cake to go around. Tango brings drinks, Impulse brings meat to barbecue, and Zedaph makes an elaborate jump-powered grill. Keralis brings way too much confetti and several handfuls of cheap, obnoxious party noisemakers. Stress brings Tommy a crown made out of alliums. It shines far less than his brother’s gold crown, and it’ll die in a few days, but he wears it all night and keeps it in his ender chest until it withers away.

He spends five days teaching himself to make flower crowns. Even his best attempt is awful, nowhere near as pretty as the crowns Stress makes, but when he gives it to her, she takes off the one she was wearing and wears his until it falls apart.

He dies fighting a creeper on Grian’s behalf, and doesn’t even panic, because he trusts that however many times he dies, no matter how stupid or ignominious or revolutionary or important, Xisuma will always let him respawn.

He spends a grand total of nine diamonds to buy a single plot of land in the shopping district. He builds a cute little bench facing the sunset, with warmly glowing street lights on either side and a small garden. At the end of the bench he places a jukebox, and buys every single disc that Beef’s music shop sells, including Pigstep. He sits on the bench while Mellohi plays and watches the tiny silhouettes of his friends flying in the evening sky. Tommy looks alone on that bench, even if he seems happy, so sometimes other people stop by to sit with him. Scar declares the bench area a public park, since everyone likes it so much, and refunds Tommy his nine diamonds straight from the throne.