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franniebanana · 3 years

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CQL Rewatch - Ep 20

Iconic. Seeing Wei Wuxian back and better than ever is so satisfying! That flute playing that probably we’ve all forgotten about since the first two episodes becomes a repeating leitmotif throughout the series. It’s just as iconic as Wei Wuxian himself. And what I love about this shot here is how the light hits his eyes, and from this specific camera angle, it looks like a mask on his face! I just thought that was super cool. Whether it was intentional or not, I have no idea, but I like to think it was. I guess it’s like a reverse mask in this case—everything is hidden except his eyes.

It’s amazing how I only went without Wei Wuxian for like half an episode, yet it felt like so much longer. The emotional weight that he carries is so great that from all the characters searching for him, it feels like it’s actually been three months, instead of more like twenty-five minutes. And I think that’s something that we can feel in CQL but we can’t really feel in the book. Since the book is written in third person limited, we only see Wei Wuxian’s side of the story (I think that’s accurate, but it’s been a few months since I read it). That being the case, we never leave Wei Wuxian’s side, we never get to miss him being there. Of course the story is framed totally differently in the book and not in chronological order, even—lots of flip-flopping, which is fun but also a little confusing when you’re trying to keep track of a timeline.

I think part of what makes Wang Lingjao so creepy here is that her garish makeup is totally gone: her face is pale and ghoulish, with just the bright red blood trickling out of her nose, mouth, and cut on her cheek. I think they could have made her even more ghostly, but I like what they did for her apparition. It’s fun to see how fast Wen Chao cracks, though. He’s very much all bark and no bite—honestly, such a coward. On the one hand, it’s satisfying to watch him lose it, but on the other, it’s quite disturbing. I toe the line between enjoying it and being disgusted by it, but I love that CQL at least kept in this part of Wei Wuxian’s character. It’s like revenge, no matter how bloody, is okay in Chinese tv, but not the main character being kind of bad. I don’t get why they had to nerf his character to the point of absolving him of all guilt with everything that happened. I like a character who makes bad choices, but feels guilty for it, because that shows depth. Someone who bad things happen to because of the “real villain” aren’t as interesting to me. I think also that Xiao Zhan would have been amazing as the real Wei Wuxian from the book, had they adapted him that way. I also would have really, really loved to see the scene that is only really described to us (I think by Lan Xichen) where a distraught and delusional Wei Wuxian rejects Lan Wangji. Ugh, that would have been so heart-wrenching! Maybe in the donghua…sigh….

So this is important, I think. There was a point in the last episode where Jin Zixuan tells his cousin not to let the crows peck at the dead bodies of their enemies. In other words, don’t desecrate the bodies, even if they are the enemy. Of course, Jin Zixuan didn’t hold any personal grudges towards any of them, at least that we know of. Jiang Cheng certainly does. So even though Wang Lingjao is already dead by her own hand, he whips her with Zidian. Jiang Cheng is becoming more and more twisted by his anger and grief, which he never deals with in a healthy way. He wants revenge against those that have wronged him and his parents, and he really never stops seeking revenge throughout the story. First it’s against the Wens, and then it’s against Wei Wuxian. It’s a fairly slow descent, I think, over years, but I quite like watching him twist like this. While it’s fun and interesting watching someone repent and have a redemption arc, it’s also interesting watching them go the other way.

Lan Wangji seems to know, or at least suspect, that the person who has killed everyone in the Supervisory Office, including Wang Lingjao, is Wei Wuxian. A talent for using talismans (one of which Lan Wangji used himself to escape the Wens), someone who is seeking revenge against the Wen Clan—these things point to Wei Wuxian in his mind. He doesn’t want to say this to Jiang Cheng, he doesn’t even want to admit it himself, but he’s putting the pieces together. I think this is a frightening thought for him. On the one hand, he would be happy to find Wei Wuxian alive, but on the other, what state would they find him in? And what does it mean that he’s killed all these people singlehandedly? This isn’t the Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji knows and cares so deeply about. This isn’t the man that Lan Wangji was ready to die for. I think his heart is very much filled with dread in this scene.

Jiang Cheng’s line is interesting too—basically, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Solid, really, but it does come with some problems in reality. The enemy of your enemy just might stab you in the back later. It’s a very simplistic view, but I think at this point, Jiang Cheng is just happy to see the Wens dead. There are a few he wants to kill himself, but he seems satisfied if they just die out, regardless of who does it.

I like seeing Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng team up for these few episodes, because it’s fun seeing how they each approach the situations. Jiang Cheng relies heavily on his heart and emotions, which I can totally identify with. He wants to find Wei Wuxian and he wants revenge on Wen Zhuliu and Wen Chao—those are his two priorities. And then Lan Wangji is definitely more of a logical person—he wants to get to the bottom of these deaths and find out who is the person with so much wicked energy that is doing all of it—and also, that person is probably Wei Wuxian, who he is very interested in finding. Here Jiang Cheng wants to rush after Wen Zhuiliu, just as he did when he went back to Lotus Pier. He’s very rash, while Lan Wangji is much more calm and collected. I mean, if it were me, I’d want to see if they would give up any information before I killed them.

And the reveal is…Wen Chao is fucking disgusting! I didn’t even want to screencap one of the close-ups, because I felt like I’d have to do a trigger warning for blood lol. Not really, though, because I never do, sorry. I love the looks on Jiang Cheng’s and Lan Wangji’s faces, though. Jiang Cheng is so horrified and Lan Wangji is just mildly shocked. I think the real thing is like, who are we dealing with here? Who is this monster who’s been murdering everyone in all these different ways? Who has made Wen Chao look like this? Is this friend or foe? Like I said, Jiang Cheng keeps saying that as long as the person is killing the Wens, he’s fine with it, but I think even he is bothered by this level of mutilation, even against someone he loathes.

It’s hilarious to me that Wen Zhuliu uses this tactic with Wen Chao. Oh, you’re going to insult me? I’m useless? Okay, bye! LOL. Also very amusing that this is really the last conversation they have with each other: this bickering that they’ve probably done over and over off screen. Wen Zhuliu stays by Wen Chao’s side, though, because he’s indebted to Wen Ruohan, of course. It would have been a neat twist to see Wen Zhuliu defect. And you still could have had a dramatic scene where Jiang Cheng chases him down.

I love it! I love it I love it I love it! The flute! This part is so well done (it’s still a little campy, of course, but that’s part of the charm)! I mean, as the audience, we all know who it is by now, but I love that they keep up the mystery because Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng still don’t know. They didn’t see him walk in. I just love this.

And shock. Jiang Cheng looks significantly more surprised. It had never crossed his mind that the person doing all this was actually Wei Wuxian, the very individual that he’s been searching for. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, doesn’t really look surprised. He looks a little surprised, okay—I’ll give you that. But I think most of what he’s feeling right now is the deep dread of being right. He wanted to be wrong, even when everything pointed to Wei Wuxian. I don’t think he wanted to believe that Wei Wuxian was capable of this, no matter how much he wanted to get revenge for what happened at Lotus Pier. I think there’s disappointment there too—how could he do such a thing? And I’ve giffed this scene with this quote: “He started to estrange her…And they became strangers who knew each other’s heart, so broken as they drifted apart” (Ana Claudia Antunes, Pierrot & Columbine). I think the realization here and a bit later for Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian has become some other person is quite heartbreaking. He’s like a stranger to him, and that feeling of betrayal when you thought you knew a person inside and out—that hurts. It’s a deep-seated betrayal that Lan Wangji feels throughout this scene.

Oh, what I also like about this part is that when Wei Wuxian appears, neither one of them can look away. They are solely focused on him at this point.

He finally gets his revenge on Wen Zhuliu. And it’s great. They jump through the roof and he strings him up with Zidian. I can’t really say anything about it—Jiang Cheng needed to do this or he never would have been able to move on from Lotus Pier and his parents’ death.

WWX: Have I changed?

JC: No, not exactly.

I love that these lines are exchanged while the camera is on Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji already sees how Wei Wuxian has changed: the flute, the wicked energy, the almost senseless killing—none of these things are like the Wei Wuxian he’s come to love. And yes, I think love—and it hurts more because there is love. Lan Wangji wanted to walk the straight path with Wei Wuxian together, and he feels betrayed by what Wei Wuxian has done. Despite that, he still wants to help him. He implores Wei Wuxian to come back to Gusu with him so that they can help him and bring him back to the right path.

This whole scene feels like Lan Wangji isn’t even in the room, it’s like a private conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji just happens to overhear. He says nothing. He lets Jiang Cheng ask a hundred questions while Wei Wuxian calmly answers them. Wei Wuxian smiles and laughs, he seems himself, and yet he isn’t. There’s something wrong and Lan Wangji grows more and more perturbed by it as the seconds pass by.

The tension in this scene is palpable. It’s painful, it’s sad, it’s really hard for me to watch. And yet, this is one of my favorite scenes. Lan Wangji is feeling a lot, and he’s held it all in until this moment here. He calls him Wei Ying, and then Wei Wuxian in turn addresses him first as Second Master Lan, and then as Hanguang-Jun, both very formal names. It’s not Lan Zhan anymore—there is no familiarity on Wei Wuxian’s part. I think part of that is his attempt to protect Lan Wangji from any association with him that might actually harm Lan Wangji and his reputation. He’s setting a boundary—a wall—between them. And then when Lan Wangji bites back, Wei Wuxian changes tack: he stars being informal with him again, he brings up how they were good friends, classmates, etc. But that’s not going to work because Lan Wangji is feeling pretty upset right now.

Lan Wangji is desperate, scared, and worried for Wei Wuxian. Sometimes when we’re feeling all that, it can come across as anger, and that becomes worse when someone is dismissive of those feelings. Wei Wuxian is definitely dismissive here. In their interactions, Lan Wangji rarely shows this much emotion, and instead of paying attention to that, Wei Wuxian brushes it off. Jiang Cheng shows that he cares by hugging Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji is different—he’s thinking ahead, he’s seeing what Wei Wuxian has started to mess with—demonic cultivation—which can destroy a person’s mind, and he’s terrified. His only thought is to take Wei Wuxian away and try to change him for the better. Of course, just like what his father did to his mother, this cannot work. Even if Lan Wangji manages to force Wei Wuxian to come with him, he won’t be able to control him. All Lan Wangji can really do is try to persuade him.

The intensity of Lan Wangji’s gaze here is something else. This is a man who is desperate to save the person he loves. He is really looking out for Wei Wuxian’s best interests here and is getting no support from Jiang Cheng. I don’t really know what’s going on in Jiang Cheng’s head right now, but he’s definitely finding Lan Wangji’s behavior offensive. He doesn’t understand that Wei Wuxian’s actions will lead to his ultimate destruction, while it is very clear to Lan Wangji. But all I can do here is bring up how they viewed the person who was killing all the Wens earlier, before they even knew who it was. Lan Wangji felt very unnerved by it: he was disturbed by the talismans and disturbed by the various manners of death, while Jiang Cheng’s stance always was that it didn’t matter because the person was clearly on the same side—a dead Wen is a dead Wen no matter who is behind it. And his opinion doesn’t change even after he finds out. It’s not important to him how Wei Wuxian was able to kill all those people. He asks the questions, but he isn’t interested in really hearing the answer. On the contrary, I think Lan Wangji is very interested in those answers, but he wants to hear about it in a controlled environment. He doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to go back to Yunmeng, where he will essentially live with free-rein without boundaries.

As for cinematography, I love how Wei Wuxian holds up his flute here, setting up a literal boundary between him and Lan Wangji. Not only do you have Jiang Cheng creating that wall with his sword, you also have Wei Wuxian. What I mean is, it’s not only Jiang Cheng who wants to keep Lan Wangji out. Wei Wuxian is drawing a line here too: he wants Lan Wangji to stay out of his business. And this morphs into, what happens at this place is not Gusu Lans’ business—it only concerns Yunmeng Jiang Sect.

We all know Wei Wuxian is an arrogant person, but his arrogance and ignorance here is truly stunning. Lan Wangji tells him point-blank that he won’t be able to control this energy if he uses demonic cultivation, and Wei Wuxian does everything but laugh at him. I enjoy this and I hate it at the same time, because Lan Wangji is just fucking worried, you know? And maybe he doesn’t express himself well, but he’s shocked to see Wei Wuxian here, shocked that he’s responsible for all this—he can’t stay calm and collected under these conditions.

In just a few minutes, Wei Wuxian says that he and Lan Wangji are good friends and that Lan Wangji should treat him better, as well as “Who do you think you are? What I do is none of your business.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist. This scene here, with their faces so close to each other, kills me. This is absolute betrayal for Lan Wangji. It’s as if everything they had built together—all the respect, the affection, the comradery—is gone. The Wei Wuxian that he knew is gone.

I love the way this shot is framed, with Wei Wuxian staring after Lan Wangji, and then Wen Chao pleading, “Forgive me, forgive me.” So apt, because I think Wei Wuxian does feel bad here, I think he feels guilty. I think part of him really missed Lan Wangji and wanted to see him. I think he even knows that what Lan Wangji is doing is out of concern for him over anything else. But I also think Wei Wuxian’s pride gets in the way of that, and his desire for revenge, and even his desire for things to go back to normal. More than anything, Wei Wuxian wants to return to Yunmeng, to his shijie, to be able to live normally again, whatever that really means, because of course everything has changed. Nothing will ever be as it was again. More importantly, he has changed, and can never go back to the person he was before, the person who played so hard, the person who shirked his responsibilities and fooled around in classes, the person who shamelessly teased and flirted with Lan Wangji. That Wei Wuxian is gone. I think Wei Wuxian knows he’s hurt Lan Wangji and does feel bad about it, but he knows he has to push him away to protect him. He doesn’t want to drag Lan Wangji down with him, he feels it’s better this way. And I think, even though CQL!Wei Wuxian does have feelings for Lan Wangji quite a bit earlier than in the book, you can see the one-sided love here, in Lan Wangji’s aggressive behavior as he attempts to save this person he loves. Lan Wangji isn’t willing to give up on him, whereas Wei Wuxian is more prepared to let him go—to push him away to protect him. That’s love too, I suppose, but it’s a love that is meant to be from afar—a sad love, not a passionate one, not a desperate one, not the one that Lan Wangji feels for him.

This is so heartbreaking for Lan Wangji, in part, because they had such a special relationship before. Prior to this, Wei Wuxian prided himself in that he and Lan Wangji went on night hunts together—the clan didn’t matter, whether that was unorthodox or not. And now to see him use his clan as a barrier between them…it’s quite a betrayal. Lan Wangji feels so hurt, so at a loss—he wonders what could he have done differently to prevent this, he blames himself.

This is one of my favorite episodes because of this reunion scene. What you expect is some great reunion, the hugging between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, maybe a smile from Lan Wangji because he’s really happy to see him. But instead, you get pain. You get a Jiang Cheng hugging Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian not even returning the hug (he only raises his arm to signal that he wants to break apart). You get a heated confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, one that is “fondly” thought of as their break-up scene. I love the drama, I love the pain, I love the angst, I love the dichotomy between Yunmeng Jiang and Gusu Lan, I love that this is the start of more tension between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, I love everything about it. The “us and them” dynamic that starts here is so great, and then to see it slowly unravel throughout the next ten episodes, to see Wei Wuxian’s and Jiang Cheng’s relationship fall apart, while Wei Wuxian’s and Lan Wangji’s relationship begins to strengthen again--I eat it up. It’s like my candy. Anyway, I’m excited for what’s to come, excited to talk more wangxian and how it compares to the book (from my dwindling knowledge, that is)! Happy that you all are coming along this ride with me!

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

#cql #the untamed #wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wwx #lwj #wang lingjiao #wen chao #wen zhuliu #cql rewatch #ep 20

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Refuge”

Happy Saturday, everyone! Welcome to week two of… fourteen? Is that how many episodes we’ve got this Volume? Man, we’re going to be here for a while.

There’s a ton to unpack in “Refuge,” but as promised I want to delve into the opening first. Given the scattered, symbolic nature of our intro I think it’s easiest to just chuck out observations in list form. I’ll segue back into cohesive recapping in a moment.

So, what have we got?

The glitching between a happy, whole Atlas and the burning wreckage we’re now dealing with. That works well given both Atlas’ tech-focus culture and the ways that tech has led to some of our biggest tragedies (hijacked army, framing Penny, etc.)

Ruby looks scared and is standing behind the rest of her team, separated from them by the title. I’m not really feeling that theme so far though, given Yang’s incredibly weak challenge, Ruby’s immediate forgiveness (during her talk with Penny), and the fact that she’s still working with half the team who vocally support her, particularly Nora. Unless something drastic changes, the idea of Ruby being the outsider here is silly.

We get shots of the girls with their past selves superimposed over their bodies and weapons. I like the message here—they carry those versions of themselves with them—just not how it’s contrasted with Ironwood’s image of an earlier Atlas now burning. So that’s all he is now? Everyone gets to embody their growth except for him? His past is erased to focus solely on our current predicament? I’m not picking up any redemption flags here…

Robyn’s hand reaches down towards Clover’s badge, which then circles to show off the Ace Ops. The final image contrasts an angry Harriet with a defeated Qrow. At least, I hope they’re contrasts. It’s going to read as absurd if they somehow end up working together after Qrow helped get her leader killed.

This morphs into Qrow alone who sits, devastated, until Robyn offers him a hand up and they both smile. I’m not a fan of this symbolism after the prison scene we got this episode. It’s like Qrow might have thought about his choices until Robyn’s anger reminded him that, oh yeah, he can be angry at Ironwood instead. These two teaming up, when their last team-up led to a death, is worrisome to say the least.

We get our horrifying image of Salem looming over Oscar as he clutches his head. The group’s weapons fall. This makes sense given this episode’s kidnapping and the team’s sheer inability to do anything to stop it.

Jaune stands determined—also makes sense with his trend of giving “pep talks”—while Ren and Nora stand apart, facing opposite directions. Nora looks back though.

Paralleling them are Winter and Weiss who also face opposite directions. This is becoming a common visual theme: Harriet and Qrow, Nora and Ren, Winter and Weiss. Here though, Weiss looks determinedly ahead while Winter stares down at her feet, unsure. Ugh, I just know they’re going to have her betray Ironwood too.

We get a brief glimpse of Whitley and Willow, not a whole lot to go on. Then we see Salem turning her chess pieces into grimm—literally changing the game—while Ironwood’s white pieces are turned to dust. I could make a quip about how white is supposed to go first, but the initial move was made thousands of years before Ironwood existed and thus he never stood a chance, certainly not when his own allies are actively working against him… but I won’t lol

Watts is smiling at a terminal while at his back Pietro works at his. More opposites. Pietro’s reflection looks to Penny even as his body continues to work, his heart contrasting his head. Penny, in turn, looks upset as her reflection flinches at something off screen and the glass cracks. Watts hacking her, perhaps?

We see the new teams as a cherry blossom (I think?) floats across the screen. It melts in Ren’s hand while escaping Nora’s. Honestly, I’m not sure what to make of that just yet.

Ruby and Yang share a look—undermining their supposed conflict this volume. Couldn’t we have gotten sister unity over the last three years instead?—and a fight against grimm starts up. It freezes as Cinder walks through it, hopefully implying that the group’s attention is on the wrong threat. While they concern themselves with low-level grimm, Salem and her allies are walking free and wreaking havoc.

Then Cinder screams and clutches her grimm arm as things go up in flames. I hope that’s not a death flag given that we’ve teased her death twice already and we only just got a glimpse at her backstory. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning here that there’s a “Summer is the Hound” theory gaining traction which, frankly, I think is 100% unsubstantiated. It’s a fun crack theory, but not something I’m inclined to take seriously until we get some actual evidence behind it. There is, however, potential evidence for people becoming grimm in general: Salem falling into the pool and Cinder receiving that arm. That’s not much though. So while I’m far from convinced that the Hound was once human—let alone that it was Summer—there is something to the theory that Salem may be able to control Cinder via her arm like she controls other grimm. After all, she knew Cinder was alive despite everyone else thinking she’d perished. They seem to have some sort of connection that hasn’t been explained yet and now that Cinder has willingly walked back into Salem’s clutches, she may not be able to walk out.

There are shots of all our other villains, the Lamp and the Staff reflected in Salem’s eyes, and Jinn’s blue smoke, perhaps suggesting that we’ll see her again, or the entity residing in the Staff (if they exist).

Atlas glitches back to normal—a false victory?—before the ice breaks and Team RWBY falls into the darkness below. Volume 3 vibes all around. There’s light above them emanating from the Staff, but as Ruby reaches for it grimm arms circle and pull her deeper. I hope this means that the group will suffer the defeat we need to keep Salem as a legitimate threat, but we had very similar imagery back in Volume 6 and they made it out of that situation just fine, so.

“Happy Ever After” glitches into “Happy? Never Again.” Which isn’t ominous or anything. We finally end on the classic RWBY image of Crescent Rose buried in the snow underneath the shattered moon.

On the whole I think the opening is strong and I like a lot of the symbolism in it, though I do question how much will actually end up being relevant to the story. My only gripes are that there are too many different styles going on—it feels like three or four different Volume openings slammed together—and the fact that it also feels overly long. I don’t think it’s actually any longer than our Volume 7 opening, but it seems that way to me, perhaps because of those varying styles breaking things up.

So that’s what we’ll be watching for the next twelve weeks! Let’s move onto the actual episode.

We open on the image of Clover’s bloody badge in Qrow hand, the same one we got in the trailer. I theorized last recap that we’d be getting the rest of our trailer/promo material this week and I was almost entirely correct in that. This moment, retrieving the bikes, fighting off the grimm, Watts getting hit, Oscar carried away… all we’re missing are some eye closeups and Nora powering up her hammer. As said, it makes me nervous for what the rest of the Volume holds. I can’t decide whether the footage wasn’t ready to be included in promo materials that early, or if RT is just determined not to give us any information past the first two episodes…

Regardless, this is supposed to be a moment of grief and all I could focus on was Qrow’s hand. Specifically, the lack of detail in it. On the whole, I’ve been very happy with the engine upgrade and I quite like RWBY’s animation now, but a closeup here draws too much attention to how, sometimes, they’re just not animating their characters in a way that looks natural. Where is Qrow’s wrist? Why is his palm perfectly smooth? Stylistically that’s usually fine, but when given the chance to stare at it you realize how odd it looks.

Says the woman whose own drawing skills suck but, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But we’re talking about the important bits in this episode! Out of frame Robyn is heard yelling, “This is your fault. You realize that, don’t you?” We’re meant to think that she’s telling Qrow this, especially with how he’s bent guiltily over the badge, until we cut to reveal Jacques right next to them.

I wish Robyn was saying all that to Qrow. It would mean that she was ignoring her own responsibility in Clover’s death, but at least it would have started an arc where Qrow has to grapple with what he did. Not the awful moment that’s coming up.

Before that though, Jacques claims that he’s the “victim” here who was “duped.” His hands may not be clean, but “at least I’m not a murderer.” Look, I’m not here to absolve Jacques of anything. The guy is an absolute shit stain on the Remnant world. However, he’s right in his overall point even if his words are BS. Meaning, Jacques is not a victim and he is a murderer, but he is not the one responsible for Clover’s death. Robyn has plenty of things to be furious at him for, but this is not one of them. Ironically, here we have Jacques functioning as the kind of villain the show wants Ironwood to be. He is a murderer because the company he runs exploits faunus and forces them to work in dangerous conditions (see: the death of Ilia’s parents). He is culpable because he a) had control over these conditions and b) has full knowledge of their flaws. He’s a racist who cares more about money than lives. His informed choices then led directly to deaths. Ironwood? Not anywhere near the same thing. Overlooking the “Omg Salem is here and I have to do something about it” context, he did not try to arrest Robyn. He did not force Qrow to resist arrest, or Robyn to get involved, or Qrow to break Clover’s aura, or Tyrian to stab him in the chest. Ironwood had no control or knowledge of these events, so he is not responsible for Clover’s death in the way that Jacques is responsible for the faunus’. RWBY is giving the right arc to the wrong character.

Robyn then insists that Qrow didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t strike the blow, but he certainly helped! Look, Qrow is one of my favorites, but I’m not about to claim that he didn’t have a hand in getting his friend killed. I seriously can’t believe the show is ignoring this.

We then segue into some, uh, questionable dialogue choices. Jacques is a “snake with a mustache”? Sorry, I can’t take Robyn seriously at the best of times, but definitely not when she’s tossing out laugh worthy insults like that. Nevertheless, this “snake with a mustache” is guilty because he “helped that man tear us all apart.” That man being Watts.

…why are they all in what amounts to the same cell with barriers dividing them? I suppose we could make the argument that they’re being held in some secret facility, given that they’re in this dark, garage-esque space with no lights and no other prisoners. Some sort of maximum security setup that... doesn’t have any other inmates and no additional security? Hmm. Then again, the power is supposed to be out and I don’t really trust RWBY’s ability to craft consistent backgrounds. I feel like they’re packed together merely because that’s plot convenient, not because it makes any sense in world.

Watts looks pretty comfortable in there though and Jacques is likewise full of confidence. He says that by now Whitley will have already called their lawyers to get him out. Now, non-imprisoned people know that the apocalypse is currently underway, as Joanna will later put it. No one is lawyer-ing at the moment, but it will be crucial to see whether Whitley is trying to get Jacques out despite the chaos. How faithful is he to his abuser? Can Willow start undermining Jacques’ influence now that they’re alone?

Jacque’s confidence thoroughly pisses Robyn off and she screams, punching the barrier between them. Keep this in mind for a second.

A moment later two guards show up to take Watts somewhere and… oh no. Please don’t tell me Ironwood is going to team up with him now that Penny has written him off? I know the guy has (presumably) already killed someone, and he must assume he’s killed Oscar, so we’re definitely in full villain territory despite the stupidity of it… but please don’t start working with Salem’s henchmen too. You know what? I’m not going to assume the worst until I actually see it. RWBY gives me enough nonsense as it is lol.

What I really want to talk about is that hit.

I’m somewhat concerned by a lot of the fandom’s reaction to this moment in comparison to another. Who remembers Volume 6? That scene when Qrow punched Ozpin directly into a tree? Now, I’m not keeping track of who says what when—this is a generalized reaction—but I saw a lot of posts defending that action. There were numerous justifications for the punch, but the three big ones were: 1. These characters are fighters and they’re used to it, 2. These characters have aura so it’s not that bad, and 3. Ozpin totally deserved it. Now, the problems here are that 1a. I don’t think punching someone when they’re crying on their knees is justified, whether they’re a fighter or not, 1b. Qrow was likewise punching Oscar, a totally innocent kid, 2. We had established earlier that Oscar was having trouble remembering to activate his aura and didn’t seem to have it active then (no ripple effect, he’s rubbing his jaw afterwards), and 3. Ozpin’s crimes are, as explored on this blog, not nearly the horrific actions that the story and fandom would like to paint them as. The point is that despite all this, lots and lots of fans said it was totally okay to punch Ozpin&Oscar. What’s the big deal? they asked. Now, lots and lots of fans—mostly when the trailer first dropped—say it’s not okay to punch Watts. Despite the fact that he’s also a fighter. Despite the fact that his aura has broken. Despite the fact that he’s not currently a threat (seated on the bed/Ozpin on his knees). Despite the fact that he’s responsible for helping Salem try to take over the world. If we were to make a case for who deserves to get hit, Watts is a WAY stronger candidate in my opinion, yet he’s the one who a lot of fans are scrambling to defend. Why? I assume it’s because hitting him feeds into the generalized police state/dictator theme Ironwood has been thrown into. It helps villainize Ironwood for fans to go, “Poor Watts. He’s done horrific things but no one deserves to face police brutality.” I agree. The only problem is that a lot of those same fans seem to have gone, “Ozpin can get over it. He deserved to be hit! I would have done a whole lot worse to him…” So is the difference only that one attacker is a military professional and the other is… a huntsmen professional who soon after that scene starts working for the military? Yeah. The show continually ignores that the group aren’t the rogue heroes they pretend to be. They worked under Ironwood for weeks, if not months.

The show isn’t clear about its morals and neither are the fans, with both changing tactics whenever it helps blame the character they already don’t like. When Robyn punches the barrier, do we really think she wouldn’t have hit Jacques if given the chance? Why would it be heroic for her to hit the Evil Man but it’s not okay for the grunt minor character to hit the other Evil Man? These morals don’t change just because you like Robyn and don’t like Ironwood.

Jumping ahead for a moment, we get another example of this hypocrisy with Joanna. A reporter is informing the people that the military seems to have stopped evacuations and there is an unheard number of grimm hanging out overhead, both things that are objective facts. He’s reporting as he should, sticking to what’s known and provable, and thus is, notably, not some lackey of Ironwood’s who is hastily presented as evil. Yet Joanna treats him like he is. She snatches the microphone from him and, when he starts to protest, threatens him with her weapon. After she’s done hijacking the feed, she shoves him on her way out.

Look at how scared this guy is. These are our heroes? This back and forth doesn’t work. Prior to his random killing spree, Ironwood took his fear and frustration out on some furniture, yet the show acted as if he was hurting real people. The mere possibility that he might use violence and intimidation to achieve heroic goals—getting Amity up/escaping Salem—was enough to label him as an antagonist because the understanding was that you can’t act like that no matter what your intentions are. Yet our current heroes can use as much violence and intimidation as they want to achieve their own heroic goal of warning the people? Do we think the story will encourage us to be critical of the group if they start beating up a bunch of Atlas goons to reach the access point? Of course not. And it’s that flip-flopping that’s the problem. Your heroes have to function differently than the villains in order for them to be heroes. Under that logic, our heroes haven’t acted like heroes since mid-Volume 6 and it’s getting harder and harder to watch.

Especially when we take the scene before this into account. Yup, we’ve still got Qrow gunning for Ironwood. Robyn bemoans the fact that they can’t do anything, to which Qrow replies, “We can do something. We can kill the man who put us here.” I… feel like I shouldn’t start repeating myself given how long this recap is—we’ll be here for forever lol—BUT I hope everyone reading this understands precisely how little this makes sense. How god awful a choice it is. I mean c’mon. Robyn attacked Clover unprovoked, Qrow teamed up with Tyrian, he broke Clover’s aura, Tyrian murdered him, Salem is here, and now he’s sitting in a cell with Watts and Jacques… but Ironwood is the guy he wants to kill? REALLY, QROW? THAT’S WHO YOU’RE GOING TO GO AFTER? I really can’t with this show sometimes. RWBY, put your clown makeup on.

We get a cut to Ironwood’s image just so there’s no confusion about who Qrow wants to help kill next and Joanna threatens that reporter who, you know, is also a citizen in need of help and protection… Her “General Ironwood has abandoned you, but we have not” sounds absolutely ridiculous when we just watched her intimidating this guy to get what she wants. ‘You can trust us! Unless we randomly decide we don’t like you.’ I have other things to say about Yang calling out that racist woman later on, but she gets props for helping her regardless. Honestly, I don’t get that sense from the cast very often: that they’d help you even if they don’t agree with you. They certainly didn’t offer that to Ozpin, Ironwood, or the Ace Ops.

There’s a very long shot of a scared toddler staring out the window, just to hammer home how young and innocent Mantle is. Seriously, pay attention to our imagery: Mantle is scared children in homes, cute children fist-bumping Jaune, family photos lost in the street, a stuffed toy run over by hoverbikes. It’s meant to evoke a general sense of domesticity and, again, innocence. Meanwhile, Atlas is only shown via Ironwood and Jacques, the villains. Where are the families living up in the sky? The children? The humanizing details? Our racist woman is an outlier who is quickly silenced by Yang. The rest of Mantle is characterized as victims: scared women, worried fathers, the faunus huddling together in the slums, even another racist who, while an asshole, is supposed to have a point about things like the embargo. Which is all true. These characters are all of these things, it’s just that they’re not unique in this. All this exists above too—from those families, to the faunus slave labor, to the beloved objects that remind you of someone’s worth—but they’re ignored to provide a simplistic look at Atlas as the villain.

Throughout this entire episode the group tosses out snide remarks about how “They” don’t care about you and it’s just… they who? The other thousands of innocents who have nothing to do with Ironwood? The hundreds of Mantle citizens you already evacuated? The redeemable people like Winter and Whitley? The group fights alongside a Schnee who was one of the most vocal racists a year and a half ago, yet writes off the entirety of Atlas as the bad guys. What a mess.

As Joanna’s voiceover finishes, we cut to Yang’s group going after Pietro’s tech. I already covered this scene in our promo material, but to summarize here: horrible tone. Absolutely nonsensical given the situation. Salem is here and Yang is giggling over bikes. In fact, the tone is off for most of the episode (our end being the wonderful exception): Yang’s joy ride, antics with the Mantle citizens, Blake poking fun at Weiss, the tube scene… none of it fits the context of the series’ big bad here to kill everyone. Arguments along the lines of, “But it can’t be doom and gloom all the time” or “This is a brilliant parallel to Volume 3 with happy times heralding tragedy” don’t erase the fact that our cast isn’t taking this threat seriously. Last week Weiss’ “We’re never going to sleep again” moment worked because it’s humor in the context of how bad everything is. All of this? It’s just the group goofing off despite supposedly being in mortal danger. This?

This doesn’t read well. I’d argue this scene is even worse in context due to lines like “The others are definitely missing out.” In our promo material I assumed that the group just split for the sake of splitting and they were, in fact, just missing out on something cool. But we’ve since learned that they split due to a fundamental disagreement about how to help people, a split Ruby compared to Salem’s plans, a split that Yang started! Why is she now acting like their separation is a funny “missing out” moment? It’s like if half your friend group decided to go to the movies while the other half went to a party with an unexpectedly good DJ. The movie-goers are people who are “missing out,” not the group who went off to take over a military base and everyone left angry.

Keep in mind that Ozpin is also back. Every fun times scene with Oscar in it has the added problem of Ozpin hanging back, not saying anything, not acknowledged, still a secret.

The other issue I brought up weeks back was the lack of grimm. Why are the streets deserted? Shouldn’t the army be overrunning the city? Well, turns out that there’s no army because… Salem just hasn’t bothered to send it into the city yet? When Jaune and Ren take out the low-level grimm Oscar asks if they’ve “already pushed this far in,” to which Yang replies, “No, I think those are from last night.” A few minutes later, last night’s grimm change to new non-Salem grimm as Oscar observes, “It’s the negativity. Salem’s forces aren’t moving in, but it’s enough to attract the stragglers.” Later still, Joanna asks, “…grimm are circling out there. What are they waiting for?” GOOD QUESTION. We don’t know, but it’s real convenient, isn’t it? RWBY redeems itself a bit at the end of this episode with that Hound grimm, but I’m still calling it out for having Salem hold off long enough for the group to evacuate pretty much all of Mantle and infiltrate the base. That’s real nice of her. As the characters keep pointing out, it would be a staggeringly different situation if they were overrun with grimm right now, huh? Kind of like the situation Ironwood (rightfully) assumed they’d be dealing with.

Again, I’m so glad our Big Bad is kind enough to let the heroes do everything they need to before lifting a finger to attack them.

RWBY seems to be setting up a, “See! There was always time to evacuate the city!” accusation even though no one could have known that and it makes zero logical sense. Salem brings an army with her so she can not use the army against Atlas? Right…

This all segues directly into our other promo scene. My initial comments still stand: the tone doesn’t work, the lack of urgency doesn’t work (Jaune playing with the kid, Oscar politely knocking on doors), the low-level grimm are not a threat, that shield is useless against anything not driven by plot convenience, and it’s weird for Jaune to be yelling, “Heads up!” when there’s no one in front of him. As said, this moment really doesn’t sit well given everything that’s going on. I had hoped that it would read better when seen in the episode itself, but that’s sadly not the case.

After Ren one-shots the grimm Jaune suggests that they use his amplified semblance to get everyone to the crater safely. Ren seems less than pleased about this, but agrees. Right now, it’s easy to say that he’s in a bad mood because Nora is mad at him, but what about the Volume before? Where’s this underlying tension coming from? I can come up with lots of theories, but at some point the show needs to confirm something. The longer we go not explaining what’s wrong with Ren, the less faith I have that it will make sense when we get it.

We see the racist woman upset that they have to go live with the “animals in the slums” rather than going up to Atlas. As said, I like that Yang helps her despite clearly hating the woman, I also think her criticism holds up well (ignoring the simplified ‘They abandoned you’ narrative). The only thing that bugs me is RWBY continually presenting racism as a problem to throw a band-aid on and then pat yourself on the back for ‘solving.’ Racist drunk says shit? Toss him in the trash! Racist woman says shit? Remind her that her survival depends on you! It’s not that these responses aren’t earned, but that we’re given them instead of an actual arc that tackles the complexities of this issue. I mean, Blake has abandoned the White Fang and we’ve barely mentioned the faunus slave labor in Atlas. When they head to the dust facility it’s conveniently run by bots instead of faunus. Can you imagine if Weiss Schnee walked into a group of exploited minorities, hoping to use them to access a military base? But of course, there’s nothing like that. RWBY ignores the actual issues for these simple solutions. Heroes just attack/threaten racists and then it all goes away. Yay.

The other problem with this scene is that we learn the crater is the slums. Um… what? Hold on, Joanna made it sound like it’s a separate place, potentially inhabited by grimm, yet it’s the same area Oscar was in last episode? How is that area warmer? This makes no sense to me.

Also, ha, the crater below Atlas apparently houses all the “animals” that Team RWBYJNR is very protective of. I’m waiting for them to do something that messes with the Staff—Ruby reaching for it in the opening—Atlas crashes down on a whole city of exploited minorities, and then Ironwood is blamed for it somehow. Can’t wait for that episode.

So the group starts making their way there and hark! An Ozpin! I’m always thrilled to hear him, even if he’s treated just terribly by the show. Oscar is at the back of the group and comments that “It should not be this hard just getting people to cooperate.” Except… they are cooperating? Oscar, you are watching them cooperate right in front of you. That one woman might grumble a bit, but she hasn’t made a move or said a word about not doing what you say. Where did this complaint come from? Another example of RWBY insisting something is there when it simply isn’t. More importantly, Ozpin responds:

“And yet, it’s becoming something I’m increasingly concerned about.”

“You know, I really don’t need your additional comments right now.”

Then why did you comment out loud, Oscar? What, do you normally talk to yourself like that? You were clearly speaking to Ozpin! Don’t criticize him for responding. I hate traps like that.

Ozpin immediately says that Oscar has every right to be upset and apologizes for leaving… it’s not apologizing for his entire existence like I wrote on the bingo board, but it’s close. Who’s surprised that Ozpin is the first to offer (another) apology? Not me. Oscar corrects him with, “I’m upset you came back!”

Okay. Here’s the thing. I like the idea of Oscar rejecting Ozpin both because he’s taken over his life and because Oscar has suffered horribly due to Ozpin’s presence (punched, slammed into walls, kidnapping attempts, etc.) That makes sense, it’s actually morally complex, and it’s great groundwork for character growth. The only problem is… this came out of nowhere. Oscar was shown accepting this new life when he left the farm. Then again when he insisted on fighting Hazel. Then again all the times he’s been told he’s acting like Ozpin and seems to accept that just fine. He’s clearly pleased with this new badass self he’s got going on—he even says as much—yet doesn’t want to acknowledge Ozpin as the catalyst for all this positive change. Okay, that’s something we could still work through, but what about the group? Fans are already theorizing that this is why Oscar is keeping Ozpin a secret, because he’s scared of how the group will react, punishing him to get at Ozpin again, and though he 100% has reasons for thinking that will happen, Oscar hasn’t shown that fear before now. Qrow punches him? Bonding moment with Ruby. Jaune attacks him? I made you all dinner. They all smile over his inevitable death/disappearance? He smiles back. Yang is the most scream-y? Happy to have her using him as an armrest. The group continually ignores him and treats him with suspicion? Not a peep of protest. It’s horrifying that Oscar accepted how the group previously treated him, but he did accept it. Where did this fear come from if we haven’t seen it in response to the harm done towards him? Just as importantly, can’t we have an arc where Oscar is mad at the team some too? I’ll admit that the general premise of blaming Ozpin makes sense for the traumatized fourteen-year old, but after two years of blaming Ozpin for everything… aren’t we sick of this? His team has actively hurt him, outside of Ozpin’s ability to prevent, yet Ozpin is the one who takes all the heat for their behavior. “I felt like I was actually part of the team” should lead to the realization of, “Hey, Yang shouldn’t yell at both of us for things outside of our control” not, “Hey, you should stay away forever because others have decided they don’t like you.”

All of this following Ozpin saving Oscar’s life in the airship. Then saving his life again after Ironwood shot him. Our heroes are real grateful, huh. I hate that RWBY is taking another fave and doing them dirty, though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.

Ozpin also mentions his magic—would be nice if Oscar brought that up with the team!—and that he is now “recollecting my longest held memories.” He…is? When? Don’t you think that’s something important to show us? We keep being told that “the merge” is occurring but not shown what that actually means. Seriously, when did Oscar get slammed with that many memories??

Please just use the aura machine and give Ozpin a robot body. RT doesn’t have the chops for writing this situation.

As they continue on towards the crater Ren snaps at Jaune about not needing a “pep talk.” Jaune looks annoyed at the attitude which, fair. It says a lot about the writing the last few years that Jaune is the character I’m least frustrated with lol. Likely because they haven’t had him do anything lately which, given that he’s not one of the title characters and our cast is bloated enough as it is, I’m still totally fine with.

Ozpin concludes the scene with, “We need to find a way to work together. Not just the two of us, all of us” with the camera panning up to look at Atlas. I’m glad someone isn’t ready to throw Ironwood under the bus. Given how the group reacted to him sparing Lionheart’s name though, I don’t think they’ll follow Ozpin in his forgiveness. If anything, I expect this perspective to just be more hate fuel.

We move to Ruby’s group which now includes May. Woohoo! She still hasn’t gotten half the screen time as Joanna, but I’m really glad she’s here. In fact, between a useful semblance and that adorable courtesy, I love her already. Despite, you know, helping the team break into the base and all that. Everyone has their flaws lol.

She also frames the Amity plan as getting the world “talking again.” Why is everything presented like a fun romp rather than avoiding death via Salem? Absolutely terrible tone this episode.

The group hilariously waltzes past a sign labeled AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY and enters the dust facility with the bots I mentioned earlier. This I do like. My hypothetical scenario incorporating the racism issue aside, I like that Weiss is using her knowledge and connections to further the mission, rather than something conveniently dropping into the group’s lap. Like Amity suddenly being ready for launch…So yeah, it makes sense that Weiss would know of a potential way in.

Sending someone up through the tubes though? Ehhh… I know they have aura and everything—and that Zwei was once mailed—but are we sure this is safe?? Doesn’t matter because Nora sends Weiss through with a misplaced button press. Good thing that was the tube heading to the base. Too bad Weiss is heading to a guarded military base alone. It should have been May going first with her semblance activated, but no. Chuck this onto the ever increasing ‘Bad Tone’ pile. There should not be giggles over Weiss being in that level of danger, especially with everything else going on. Ruby’s expression is the only one on point.

Before Weiss is yeeted off though, Penny and Ruby have a talk wherein Ruby lies her ass off. Penny says, “I do not like it when friends fight” and when Ruby starts talking about Yang she corrects her, revealing that she’s actually thinking about Winter and Ironwood. “They were our friends.”

I was ready to sing Penny’s praises and really, she still gets credit for being the only one who has acknowledged this, but her opinion is (once again) overridden by Ruby’s. Penny goes, “but then the Ace Ops attacked you” which Ruby doesn’t bother to correct. How would Penny know otherwise? The only information she has about that battle is what Ruby has told her, but Ruby is lying via omission here. The Ace Ops never attacked her. They very explicitly refused to start a fight. Ruby attacked them. Then when Penny is upset that Ironwood said “people were going to die because of me,” Ruby takes her by the shoulders and angrily insists, “That was a lie and he was only saying it to hurt you.”

Ruby… you’re the one lying. You know damn well Ironwood didn’t just say that to hurt Penny. Oh yeah, the general trying to keep a kingdom alive from an immortal witch is preoccupied with hurting Penny’s feelings for no reason other than being evil. That makes sense. More importantly, Ironwood is right. Look, I’m by no means blaming Penny for anything. She fought off Cinder, took the power when there was no other choice, and has now gotten caught up in Ruby’s plans which include incredibly misleading information that Penny has no reason to question. She’s doing her best and deserves that hug. But that doesn’t mean she lacks responsibility here. Ironwood needs Penny to evacuate. Penny—listening to Ruby—won’t help him. Ergo, if something happens to the people up in Atlas Penny will be partly responsible. If I have the key to a door with lots of people trapped behind it as a fire rages, and I refuse to open that door, I have indeed allowed a lot of people to die. As Penny says, she didn’t want this responsibility… but she has it. She has to deal with it. Too bad she’s with Ruby who encourages her to ignore it instead, insisting that nothing bad that happens after their choices could in any way be connected to them. Kind of like Qrow ignoring his own actions against Clover.

Because that’s the takeaway from this scene. Penny had empathy for their friends and then Ruby talked her out of it. She never even acknowledges that those were indeed seven friends that she betrayed. That’s horrible.

What happened to Ruby? I used to love this girl.

Continuing our tone issue, Nora is watching this show like her favorite soap is on. Okay then.

Weiss goes up the tube and then we cut to Fiona saying that… the Mantle police are helping them evacuate? So the military is bad, but the police are good? I need to stop trying to make sense of RWBY’s allegory.

When Yang and the others return Fiona makes an innocent comment about being worried about how they’d fare without the rest of their team. Yang is pissed.

Ah, so we’re back to her giving allies attitude for random observations. Remember the anger at Marrow for suggesting she and Blake try different team-ups? Now here Yang is, in a different team-up, doing quite well. Funny how we never acknowledge who first suggested that. Now, Fiona reveals a totally logical worry that losing four fighters might make a difference when fending off grimm, but Yang is poised to be angry at everyone, about everything, all the time. Which I get is something that a lot of fans like. I’ve already seen a couple of posts praising RT for letting Robyn and Yang be angry without consequences because women often can’t do that and, fair. That is indeed one way to read it. My problem is that their anger is actually irrational, not just called as much because we women are ~emotional~. Their anger isn’t justified: Robyn because she had a significant hand in all this nonsense (that she’s ignoring) and Yang because it’s clear Fiona means no harm here. This is anger that needs to be called out, not ignored because yay women expressing emotion. That kind of defense is reserved for a woman’s justified anger that needs to be expressed without criticism, especially in a narrative that tries to undermine her perspective. But what has Fiona done to Yang? Nothing. More importantly, the show has yet to teach Yang a better coping mechanism than lashing out at people, be it with her fists, words, or angry glares. Yang has been through the ringer and it makes sense that she’s angry, but that doesn’t mean she gets a lifelong pass to treat those around her badly.

Anyway, Joanna says they have a lot of people to keep warm even though the crater was supposed to be warmer? And they’re stealing dust? So what are they using it for it not heat? We’re not seeing any difference here and frankly all the civilians should be dead by now. Or at least entering hypothermia. (Give me that conflict: how do you keep people safe when they’re not all conveniently up for walking all the way to the slums?) Joanna also says that they’re trying to get the “Old mine shafts into a livable condition” which would take how long exactly? In fact, I’d say our timeline is already wonky. We’ve watched Yang hide the Ace Ops last Volume, fly to Winter and Penny, find the Happy Huntresses, wait around for Oscar to show up, ran off on her own at some point to scout, went to get bikes, evacuated all those people to the (far away) slums, then went back out to fight off the grimm. That had to have taken up a good chunk of the night, though it’s impossible to tell the time with Atlas’ snowy sky. I’m leaning towards a bingo mark though…

The faunus who I thought was a badger or something is… a bear I guess? He has a bear-like paw, but his nails seem too long… I honestly don’t know. But he’s Fiona’s uncle! Cute. She's off to deal with a fight that’s starting while the group goes to fight more grimm. Finally, the episode gets good.

The teamwork to take out the dragon grimm was nice, always glad to see it, but the real fight starts when two more grunts show up and then immediately run away. What could have scared them off?

The Hound. (I’m sorry, all I can think of is Game of Thrones when I write that, but it seems to be the name the fandom is adopting, so…) Remember how I said it was unlikely to be a threat on its own? I WAS WRONG. Holy shit this thing is terrifying. It snatches Oscar and in some wonderfully quick animation absolutely obliterates the kid. Oscar is thrown around like a chew toy, desperately trying to rabbit kick at this thing and it does [checks notes] absolutely nothing. I’d normally say something about our farm boy always getting the shit kicked out of him, but this scene was too good for my salt.

Then it changes shape, growing arms, and starts using Oscar as a shield. Yang can’t pull back in time and is snagged by her head, the Hound tossing her into the wall hard enough to break the stone. She’s still conscious though and warns the others about its strategy.

“But grimm aren’t that smart,” Jaune says. Maybe if you kids (Fiona keeps calling them kids) had stayed in school you would have learned that grimm get smarter with age! Oobleck knew that. Or, just as likely, this is a special Salem grimm. Hard to say at this point.

The point though is that the group is helpless in the face of this monster. I do want to emphasize this. I’ve seen a few people criticizing them for not doing enough to save Oscar and it’s like, what did you want them to do? Yang tried to attack and the grimm nearly had her hitting Oscar instead. Ren tried to attack and the grimm changed so fast his weapon was useless. Factor in that morphing—which the group has never seen before—the horror of Oscar hanging there limp, and the general fighter response of, ‘I can’t just keep attacking head on because that thing might kill me,’ and you realize the group was screwed from the start. They can’t stand up against this thing, not without a good strategy anyway, which there’s no time to think up. For the first time in years, ever since Tyrian, Salem actually made the right, villainous call.

Ren screams, “Give him back!”—which was just lovely in an angsty way—and the grimm creepily cuddles Oscar against his chest. Then he responds, “No.” Yeah, they’ve never seen that before either. Can you blame them for their shock? I’m impressed that they were on their bikes just seconds later, managing to keep the grimm in sight. That speaks to their combat experience. Not the ability to power through a situation where they’re clearly outmatched, but their ability to pick themselves back up and try again.

... Ah, so that’s why Pietro was oh so randomly making them bikes. The plot needed a way for them to keep up with a flying grimm. Got it.

My takeaway? RT should be writing horror. They’re far better at it. The animation, sound effects, voice acting, the grimm’s speech and protective instincts, that splatter of goo on Oscar’s cheek…

... stellar all around. Like the Apathy, this is the best I think RWBY has been since the lore episode of Volume 6. Granted, action sequences like this aren’t required to grapple with any of the messy morals and character consistency of other scenes, but still. If RWBY had just given me a lighthearted ‘Girls fight cartoon monsters’ show or a horror fueled ‘Girls fight monster abominations’ show, I’d have been happy. This? This is the only redeeming part of the episode. And it’s indeed one hell of a redemption. Look at this thing!

I’m not going to say it erases all the bad we got—it doesn’t—or that it likewise erases problems like Salem not using the rest of her army, but it’s a notable step in the right direction. This grimm is a threat. This grimm is a mountain the cast has to overcome. If this is the minion its master should be Everest. I still think this Volume is going down the tubes fast (it’s going the way of Weiss lol), but if it can give me more scenes like this? It might not be a total loss.

Last thing to acknowledge: What about Ozpin? I’ll admit it doesn’t look good. Given how fast he takes control he should have been able to override Oscar’s will and at least fight back a little with that spectacular magic we saw during the finale. So why didn’t he? I hope we get an in-world explanation: it happened so fast even Ozpin couldn’t do anything (shaky, but I’ll take it in a pinch), now that the merge is farther along he can no longer take control—something. Because I can easily imagine how quickly the fandom, and even the cast, will turn on him for not playing deus ex machina here. In reality, I think Ozpin didn’t take control simply because the plot needed him not to. The writers needed Oscar kidnapped so any potential out from that is conveniently forgotten… which is another knock against their writing, despite how great the scene otherwise was. The point is to take all these potential pushbacks and find a satisfying way to circumvent them, not pretend they don’t exist. RT can still save themselves here by providing that explanation later, so I hope they’re smart enough to do that. Ozpin has been blamed for everything at this point. His own kidnapping doesn’t need to be added to the list.

Also, still no word on Schrödinger's councilman. We’ve got to wait another week to see whether he’s dead or not.

Finally, let’s update the bingo card!

I’m crossing off “Ruby gives an ‘inspiring’ speech built on ignoring facts she doesn’t like” for that conversation with Penny. Yeah, it’s a speech to her alone about her worth, but Ruby mischaracterized the situation so badly I’m mad at her lol

I never thought the story would straight up just not have the grimm army attacking, so I think I’ll hold off on “Army of grimm conveniently doesn’t kill any civilians” until we see if/when it gets involved.

I’ll likewise hold off on the timeline slot until we see how bad things get…

Maria is on thin ice given that we have no idea what she’s supposedly doing while the group is off on their missions. Stay tuned.

Today we’re crossing off “Deadly cold conveniently doesn’t kill any civilians.” They should all be dropping like flies by now.

A friend pointed out that Cinder’s Cinderella flashback counts as an “Overly obvious fairy tale allusion.” In fact, I talked about how much of a shorthand that is, so that’s getting a mark.

From last week I’ve also decided to include Amity for “Retconning previous lore.” Now that the group is fully underway with their plan it reads as even more egregious that we were told it wasn’t ready.

I’ll hold off on Ozpin’s space for a while. See if he apologizes to the whole group and, if so, exactly what for.

“Oscar is finally kidnapped”—check!

Well, that’s a whole lot of headway this week. Can’t wait to see where the next episode takes us... Here’s hoping we spend a lot of time with that Hound. MVP of the episode.

Until next time! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #mymetas #rwby recaps

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fanfictionsrookie · 4 years

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Watch As I Overanalyze Cinder’s Fight Wit Penny...

I knew Cinder was one for dramatics, but good grief, what happened to being subtle XD

But considering the situation and the time they had left to stop Amity, this was the best course of action.

Can I tell you I screamed! Also, just a screenshot I liked. There will be a lot of them lol.

So Cinder is still holding onto her grudge with Ruby, but it was honestly for the best that she wasn’t there. Cinder would not have been able to take on Ruby and her team as well.

Now I wonder if this is Cinder projecting in some way. Not just because in terms of Salem’s plans, Cinder has been doing the heavy lifting, or at least been tasked to do so. Cinder likely sees this situation as an example. But because of the implications that Cinder as a child, was forces to so a lot of strenuous work on her own.

It’s possible that this might be more projecting, but the way Cinder says it, makes me think she sees herself more as that. Salem did tell her that she was more valuable, but she’s still just a piece in this game. Cinder might be trying to convince herself otherwise.

Have another bootiful screenshot.

Every time Neo does this... I feel things...

More screams.

So things like this suggest to me that Cinder is slowly but surely finding her way back into her comfort zone, trying to re-establish whatever sense of identity she had before volume 3. That and becoming more proficient in using her Maiden Powers, which has become a lot more personalized since volume 3/4 where she relied on fire alone.

Now I love this little reaction, because it is the moment where Cinder realises that Penny is simply distracting her from her main objective. So Cinder is starting to get a handle on her anger and is able to exploit it in a moment of clarity when she turns back. However, she still has quite a bit of growth to go through.

Just something I was wondering about. How does Penny know a person poses a threat? Does she log them into her memory so that they are much easier identifiable later on when they might be more difficult to spot?

And another thing. In this moment Cinder either priorities her mission to stop Amity, or she realises that she would have more success in stopping Penny with Emerald and Neo around.

Maria is having a field day, and I would feel bad if it wasn’t lowkey funny lol. But it’s nice to know Maria still got it. Neo was due a hit to her winning streak as well.

Sexy smirk.

But more alarmingly, that arm. Like that thing has progressed past her shoulder completely and I’m willing to bet that it is making it’s way across her back and side. Now, gauging from the shadows around the Grimm strands, we can conclude that it is not as invasive as we thought, merely anchoring itself at the edges. However, I do hope something are done about them soon, even if Cinder does not seem particularly worries about it... yet.

I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this question. As for the answer...

I. Was. Floored.

Mostly because I didn’t expect that answer at all. You could do a whole post just about those three lines. But I’ll try to be concise.

So first, Cinder does not see herself as serving Salem. This can be interpreted in a few ways.

1.) Cinder does not see herself as bellow Salem, not far at least. Linking back to Cinder ‘being more than a pawn’ it could be that Cinder sees her affiliation to Salem as more of a mutual agreement where both parties get something out of it. As for why Salem would let her think this? I think it plays into Cinder’s fear of being controlled and taken advantage of, as she has implied to have been in the past. Thus, in order to keep Cinder under her control, Salem makes her think that she isn’t under control but rather ‘guidance’.

Cinder might be using Salem as a means of gaining power for some other goal. A goal more specific than just wanting power, or an extension thereof. Which Salem could very much be aware of. But Salem’s control over Cinder goes far past what Cinder believes or would want to. And that is why she is trying to convince herself otherwise.

2.) Cinder does not see herself as serving Salem, because she sees herself as an extension, a ‘vessel’ of Salem’s will. Now this links back to Cinder seeing herself as more useful. But this version implies an even greater loss of her identify. Cinder wants power, not just because of her fear of being powerless, but a cultivated desire to be like Salem and carry out her will. Even if they disagree on how that should be carried out. In a sense, Cinder does not see herself as serving Salem, but rather ‘becoming’ her in some way.

Have an adorably happy murder child.

Linking back to Cinder’s tactical retreat to Amity. This is the clearest example of Cinder learning from her fight with Raven. Cinder used her environment to perfectly set up a situation where Penny is near defenseless and where Cinder can go after her Maiden Powers.

Now, I have talked about the possibility of Cinder having absorbed some of Raven’s Power. But that it might not be enough to open the vault, that the scenario was simply set up as a visual cue to show HOW syphoning those Powers would work.

But this time, not only is the visual cue clear and day-light, shown longer, but it’s also front and center. Do I think that this is enough for Cinder to open the Vault?

No.

But I do hope something comes from this. CRWBY can’t keep showing us Cinder visibly taking more and more of the Maiden’s power, even if just a little bit, and not have it pay off or come around in some way.

With just one look, Cinder and Emerald had a plan ready to go. And I wish we got more of that in this episode. I wish we had more instances of Cinder working with others, because clearly they do know how to read each other and work together. At the very least, I hope it’s a build up to what can happen in the future, because I fully expect to see much more of Emerald’s semblance.

Yes, please and thank you.

Now this scene is very familiar. And I wished that Cinder and Co would have made more use of tactics like this, even if I explained in the beginning why that opportunity went up with Amity. I did feel bad for Penny though. The memories must’ve been awful.

I will be drawing the screencap.

BABY NOOOO!

Ugh, I felt so bad for Emerald during this scene.

And I really do hope that these two get to actually talk to one another. At the very least that Cinder realises that if it weren’t for Emerald, she’d be dead. In the same vein, it’s also high time that Emerald confronts Cinder about how wrongly she has been treated. Because even when Cinder took Emerald with her, you could see that Cinder was not paying attention to either Emerald or Neo, up until the time she needed them. Which is ironic because Cinder does not seem to take notice of the things Emerald or Neo has done for her, past what Cinder expected of them. And that needs to stop.

Because you people need an unhinged Penny.

And I wonder if Penny realised it too...

That this scene is eerily similar to the one she had when she had to protect Winter.

I’ve been holding off on saying it but... gods does Cinder look sad and adorable. poor baby.

As for Neo, not only is she probably pissed that Emerald is giving her orders but that they would have to return to Salem after Cinder’s bad idea got her, and them all by extension, in an even worse position. I wouldn’t be surprised if Neo starts looking for an out soon after this.

Looks like Salem is back to petting her favourite XD

Now, how is Salem going to react to this? Because from this shot it seems like she wanted the world to know about her. If that was the case, it makes sense to tell Cinder to stay put, but then WHY NOT TELL CINDER? Salem probably does not feel the need to explain herself to others, but this whole detour could be avoided if she had just given her some kind of reasoning.

So not only will Cinder be punished for disobeying orders and failing at her task, but for setting out and doing something that goes completely against Salem’s goals. The only thing I can give for these events, is that it is continuing to drive a wedge between Cinder and Salem, whilst also demonstrating that Cinder does have her own goals and ways of thinking.

But narratively? Does it hold a lot of weight? I don’t know.

We don’t know the full extent of the message, so we don’t know if Cinder’s actions stopped another point of key information going through. Penny would have been hacked by Watts regardless. And I really did hope that Cinder would succeed, that they would have made more use of Neo and Emerald’s semblance, even if subtlety wasn’t a viable tactic. Considering that Cinder mostly relied on her own abilities, and assuming her arc is realising power does not guarantee victory, this makes sense.

But if that was CRWBY’s intent, why not demonstrate this by forcing Cinder to rely more on Emerald and Neo, past just having them to take her to safety, even if that is a big deal. Look this scene revealed a lot of not only Cinder’s way of thinking, but Penny’s as well. I just wish everything didn’t play out as straight as it felt. As for narrative outcomes, I hope we get to see more of that, and it’s not just me wanting to see Cinder taking some of Penny’s Powers, have actual consequences.

Because in terms of consequences, there could be a LOT.

Emerald finally standing up to Cinder, defecting with Neo even, Cinder getting some appreciation for Neo and Emerald, Salem punishing Cinder in a way that makes her want to break away, Cinder reliving more of her past memories, (although I feel like this will be more crumbs, leading up until the third altercation which might be the final push, because I do not feel like this is quite it), Cinder confronting Salem about her goals and why they were kept hidden from her, only for Cinder to realise that Salem does not hold her in as high regard as she thinks.

Whatever happens, I want the fall out of this to drastically change the very views Cinder established in this episode.

I want Cinder’s disobedience in pursuit of her own goals to have drastic effects and propel her character development forward, even if Cinder is thinks that she is just taking one step back after another.

Whatever the fallout is, I am here for it.

#rwby #cinder fall #rwby8 #rwby8 spoilers #penny polendina #neopolitan #emerald sustrai #cinder fall theories #i am living for the screenshots #XD

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jayjaysocks · 4 years

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Listing my favorite animes (because I’m jumping on the bandwagon)

❗️⚠️ *spoilers!! (Duh)* ❗️⚠️

5. Deadman Wonderland

I was really really sad when I found out this anime got cancelled. The music was fantastic, the animation was really good, and the voice acting was incredible. Even the fucking dubbed version (I loved the voice they chose for Senji. God he was hilarious). I binged this show so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny. I loved watching the characters go through their own struggles and grow as people in the very small amount of episodes provided. There was a lot of development within the snippet that we actually saw, and I was thoroughly impressed with how well it was done. I wanted to scream or something when I found out there wouldn’t be a second season.

Sigh. Oh well. At least we got some of the manga’s masterpiece translated into a show, even if we were missing some fucking awesome characters.

4. Guilty Crown

Ugh, don’t even get me started. This anime was beautiful and I got so invested so freaking quickly. I literally go back every few years to rewatch it because I get ship starved.

Shu and Inori’s story was so beautifully done; between Shu uncovering his courage and Inori’s journey of self-discovery, I was continuously awe-struck and filled with feelings—I mean, I had never felt such raw emotion while watching something and I was completely blown away by the affect it had on me. Anger, hatred, sadness, it was all there (even for the main character lmao) and it was one of the first times I had ever felt a ship so heavily that I literally cried at the end. It was one of the very first Animes I’d ever seen and was one of the reasons I got such a taste for them. Thanks for throwing me down that rabbit hole, GC.

3. Soul Eater

This was literally the first Anime I’d ever seen, and my god I couldn’t have asked for a better starter. What I like about this one is that it’s style is so unique and different. It’s very punk and grunge, something I admired and appreciated in a genre that is normally the opposite (like Guilty Crown, for example). Also the fight scenes were badass, like holy shit just look at that gif ??? Freaking amazing.

I loved the way the show transitioned from light hearted to intense and adrenaline pumping so effortlessly. That can be said about a lot of shows, but this one went from *haha cute show* to *holy shit, like they’re actually gonna die ohmygod howaretheygoingtosurvivethis* so smoothly I was genuinely surprised. They made one of the main villains actually cool and each character had their own beautifully done arc. I loved and adored how the show solidified and expanded on the different friendships/relationships that were involved—specifically Soul and Maka’s (also, holy shit, Stein’s arc? Fucking prime, dude). There was a lot of growth in each and every friendship (CRONA!!!), and that really pushed the viewer to invest in the individual characters.

I am fucking delighted that this was my first anime, and (though the ending was a little anticlimactic) it remains one of my top favorites to this day. It set the bar pretty fucking high, and for that I am extremely greatful.

No one asked for Soul Eater: Not! It is the unspoken sin of the Soul Eater world (then again, it is called Soul Eater: Not!)

2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

If you have been following me for a while, then you are no stranger to my love of FMAB. Some of my most popular posts are about this anime, and for good reason.

Unfortunately, I was late to the party. I actually didn’t watch this until last year, but got invested really damn quick. I have a tendency to be extremely picky about the animes that I watch/like (which is why NONE of these shows are that recent), to the point that I will literally research them before I start watching (a bad habit, do not copy me). I have an incomparably hard time finishing a show when I start, because I get bored really quickly, but this was an exception. I started watching and I just... didn’t stop. I spent a straight week watching FMAB, gobbling it up during any small amount free time I could manage, and finished it before I even knew what happened. I wasn’t picky about it, I didn’t research it, I just dove right in and gosh, I was not disappointed.

The subtle romance that was alluded throughout the entire show was super cute, the devotion the brothers had for each other was to die for, and the struggles that each person went through was more than moving. I never once found myself bored while watching, and that’s saying a lot for my adhd ass. I was invested in each and every second of that damn anime and I was never, ever left underwhelmed. That probably had to do with the fact that every. Single. Character. Had a purpose. I’m not even kidding. Every single person contributed to the big fight at the end and that alone is fucking fantastic.

Not to mention ALL the women, every female character, was a badass bitch. None of them were reduced to sex appeal or romantic subplot, they all had real feelings, real arcs and real, unadulterated badassery that I thoroughly admired and appreciated. I could watch this anime over and over again every single month and I wouldn’t get bored. Between the emotional struggle, self discovery, and personal development of each character, I promise you will not see a lack of plot or meaning here. The more you watch, the more you discover and that is not a lie. There are so many layers to its story, which only makes me wish I had watched this sooner.

There is nothing I have to offer in the ways of criticism, and for that I couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Hiromu Arakawa, for such an incredible piece of art. You deserve every bit of love that this manga/anime gets. You go girl.

1. Cowboy Bepop

Holy shit holy shit holy shit this anime is so fucking good and it has been my favorite for so damn long. I have been watching anime for years, and while some of the shows in my list have moved around, this one has yet to be bumped down from the top (and I doubt it ever will). There’s a reason it became such a cult classic.

For starters, the animation. I mean, just look at Spike and the way they animate his fighting (yes I am aware that this gif is from the movie, but that still doesn’t change my point). The sequences in the show/film have been reused in many other shows and for good reason. It’s good, incredible, actually and they make him look so badass with just a few hand movements. I was consistently impressed with the way the fight scenes were portrayed and wasn’t ever left underwhelmed or disappointed (or, for that matter, feeling like they completely over exaggerated/overcompensated the scene with huge close-ups and tons of debris and lights). I loved watching this and my heart was always pounding with every intense interaction. I didn’t feel bored during any of the episodes and always found myself laughing when they cracked a joke—pretty much all of their funny lines hit and that’s saying something, dude.

The show, while having a lighthearted surface, has a heavy meaning that you don’t see at first glance. It’s about dealing with grief and loss, and how the characters themselves accomplished that in different ways. The most prominent quote is the biggest indication of its moral “you’re gonna carry that weight”. Basically: ‘You’ve gotta pick up your baggage, because the world moves on, with or without you’. Or ‘You’re going to carry that weight whether you like it or not, because life keeps going’. When I figured out the show’s actual message, while staring at my ceiling in the long hours of the night, I almost cried. This realization brought something entirely different to the table, a new understanding of the show’s characters and overall essence.

The main characters, all of them, had depth. They had real, palpable depth, and even if you didn’t want to care you found yourself seriously interested in their lives. Each of them had relatively shitty pasts. Faye with her lost memories, Spike with Julia and the people who fucked him over, Jet with his old flame and the ISSP, Ed and her/his father... throughout the entire show we got to see how all of them dealt with these things, whether they wanted to continue on with life or not. The way they portrayed it was engaging, because the characters individual, contrasting journeys weren’t repetitive or one note. The beauty that the show holds so achinging close to its core, the layers of grief that the characters are wrapped in so delicately is almost suffocatingly real—because they’re all different. It’s something you discover when you think on the subject in a deeper light, which is another reason why I enjoy it so much. It has both a surface story and a deeper one. You can either take the show at face value or choose to understand the underlying moral.

This show inspired my very first, thoroughly fleshed out OC, and continues to inspire me to this day. It has contributed to my own personal growth, and has helped push me to continue my art and writing. It is beautifully written, beautifully executed and even though some of the episodes seem like filler, it has never disappointed me. I rewatch it all the time because there’s something so infinitely refreshing about the beauty of this anime, whether it be the way we watch the characters develop or the overall moral it portrays. This show has given us a message that is essentially timeless, it can be ‘carried’ through generation after generation, and still have the same impact—something I absolutely fucking adore.

I owe so much to this anime, including my very own artistic development. I discovered it during a really shitty time in my life and I couldn’t have asked for better timing. I will never tire of the bittersweet message or the thoroughly fucking fantastic animation. Everyone who contributed to this masterpiece deserves love, because it’s seriously fucking gold.

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ficklefics · 5 years

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Human - Dhawan!Master x Reader

Complicated is too simple a word to explain the relationship between you and the Master. But perhaps he doesn’t hate you that much.

(A/N: This is the breakup fic. Just FYI. Might be OOC, but this is more for me tbh)

MASTERLIST

Warnings: Kidnapping, breakup

Travelling with the Master was… strange, to say the least. You had been a friend of the Doctor’s a long time ago. After a close-call with the Weeping Angels, you had both decided that it would be better for you to go home. Safer. And it was. Until the Master came calling. He was from your Doctor’s future, a few regenerations after the Master who became prime minister. And, as usual, he was looking for the Doctor. And a hostage was always useful.

Technically you were his prisoner. And at first, it had certainly felt like that, as he dragged you around time and space looking for her, always a step out of sync with her adventures. You hated him with every facet of your being. He had dragged you away from your home, made you feel as though you were constantly being held at gunpoint, took his anger and frustration out on you. You guessed he wanted your fear. But you wouldn’t let him have it. You hid everything away under a façade of cool indifference, sarcasm, and over-confidence. Just like the Doctor would. You weren’t sure if it worked. The Master did know the Doctor better than anyone; if anyone could see through her tactics, it would be him. If he did, he didn’t let on.

As time went on, your relationship became less captor and prisoner and more… there wasn’t quite a word for it. You guessed you might say reluctant companions. It wasn’t an immediate change. You couldn’t say when it happened, but you were pretty sure it started when he let you wander his TARDIS on your own while he had his daily meltdown. Of course, most of the doors were locked, and you didn’t stray too far in case you got lost in the endless halls, but you did find a massive library. Artwork from every era lined the walls between towering bookshelves, desks were hidden in alcoves, the floor cluttered with rugs. It was lit warmly with candles. Somehow, despite the size of the room, it was cosy. Reaching out you pulled a book off of a shelf without looking and, finding a soft armchair in a closed-off corner, you curled up with it.

You didn’t realise how long you had been there until you heard him shouting your name. He came into the room, muttering pointless threats. It took him grabbing the book out of your hands to draw your attention away. Your eyes widened in surprise and fear as he glared down at you. “And what do you think you’re doing?” You scrambled to your feet, tripping on the cushions, to stand in front of him. “I was just reading,” You protested, trying to snatch the book back, but he held it out of your reach. “Back to the console room. Now.” He ordered, turning to leave without checking that you were following. You weren’t. He seemed to realise this by the time he got to the door, as he sighed and stood for a moment, his shoulders tensing, before he looked back around. “What?” “I’m not a child. Don’t talk to me like one.” “You’re a human. Practically the same thing.” You rolled your eyes at him but followed anyway. “Can I at least get the book back?” You chanced. He glanced at you, disbelief in his eyes, and almost chuckled. He handed you the now slightly bent book which you took quickly before the two of you went back to the console room. After that, you spent a lot of time in the library. And he didn’t ever mention it or ban you. A coffee machine appeared, a cupboard of blankets. It was probably just the TARDIS. Probably.

You started to actually spend time in the places you visited, rather than just making a mad dash through whatever place the TARDIS brought you to, looking fruitlessly for the Doctor. He still insisted that you were his captive – he had to. But you liked to think he hated you slightly less than everyone else.

And then your world fell apart around you. Or at least it felt like it. He took you home. “Not permanently,” He insisted, “Just for a visit. You can grab some things.” It had technically only been two hours since he’d taken you. For everyone else at least. While you were packing a bag, your phone buzzed next to you. You grabbed it casually, checked the message like you did all the time, completely average.

We need to talk. We need to break up.

The rest of the message was a blur. The phone fell out of your hand. You watched it spin as it fell to the floor and bounced on the carpet. The screen still bright. You were shaking. You couldn’t think. Couldn’t feel anything but the pain, the aching in your chest. Your head buzzed with white noise. You moved automatically, scooping your phone into your bag and hooking it over your shoulder. Out of your flat, down the stairs, out of the door. The TARDIS wasn’t far away, disguised as an old car. You still weren’t used to the working chameleon circuit. Your feet carried you inside. The Master was stood at the console, watching the screens intently. “That was quick.” The comment was a throwaway. No answer required. Usually, you would have made a joke, some sarcastic comment, but not today. Not now. You walked past him, dumping your bag onto the ground and retreating to the door that lead further inside as your emotions started to take over and tears began to fall. “Stop.” You stuttered on your feet, battling between the want, the need to be alone and the survival instinct that told you if you didn’t listen you’d be in big trouble. Survival won out. You turned around, hurriedly swiping at your cheeks, keeping your head down. No eye contact. Or you would break. “What’s wrong?” He sighed. Glancing up for a split second you saw that he had stepped back from the console, head resting in one hand with the other on his hip. You couldn’t see his face. Was he really…? No. Don’t be stupid. “Nothing.” “(Y/N)…” There was a warning in the growl. A warning that said Don’t lie to me. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t care anyway.” Any caution was thrown to the wind. You just had to get away. You couldn’t deal with him right now. You needed to be alone. “I care if you’re going to be moping about more than usual. You bring the mood down.” Dismissive as always. You stepped back up to the console, leaning against it and staring at the complicated controls. “Sorry if I’m not super enthusiastic about being kidnapped by an insane Time Lord,” You huffed. Or tried to. On the final words of the sentence, your throat tightened, and they became choked. Tears began to form again as the text message swirled around your mind. “Ugh, don’t tell me you’re crying,” He groaned, having looked across at the failure of your voice, “You haven’t cried once since you got here.” “It’s not you.” You might have shouted at him if you’d had the energy. You nodded at your bag, not trusting yourself to say any more. He sighed in irritation at your attitude but crossed the room and picked it up. “Phone.” Barely a whisper. He reached inside. “Password.” “1748.” The day you met the Doctor. Sentimental. He unlocked it. The messages app was still open. You couldn’t look as he read the texts. It was all you could do to keep the fragile strands of composure together. “Oh.” And that word, that tiny, meaningless word… it made it real. And it broke you. Pain flooded from you like a tidal wave. Your body shook as you sobbed, as you clung at yourself, pulled at your clothes, at your hair, as you fell apart in front of him. Whatever embarrassment you felt was overwhelmed by the raw emotions that tore at your insides. Your sorrow, your grief, your anger, your loneliness. The Master could have been doing cartwheels and you wouldn’t have noticed. You didn’t want him to see you like this. You went to hurry past him, down the stairs and into the bowels of the TARDIS, but he caught your arm, stopping you in your tracks. His grip was tight, but it didn’t hurt. Maybe you were just numb. “Look, just leave me alone.” They were barely words, more ragged gasps between sobs. He pulled you forward and stood in front of you, taking hold of your arms and keeping you in place. “Stop crying.” You couldn’t. You gasped for breath, for peace, but the tears wouldn’t stop. You couldn’t control it. “Stop.” Maybe it was the tightness of his grip, or some weird Time Lord magic, or just the sound of his voice, but with a few gulps, you managed to contain yourself. Tears still ran down your cheeks, but your breathing steadied and you could actually see him now. If you didn’t know any better you’d say he looked concerned. “He is not worth your tears. He’s human, an insignificant, stupid little human. He doesn’t matter.” You wiped away a tear with your sleeve, chuckling weakly. “I mean, I am also an insignificant, stupid little human.” He shook his head, laughing under his breath, making you frown. “You might be human, but you’re far different from any of that lot.” He pulled away from you – almost like he was embarrassed. “Doesn’t seem like it. The Doctor left me, you hate me, and here I am crying over a guy who…” You had to stop yourself from speaking as the pain started to build up again. “Get over him. And get over yourself.” He was pacing, circling the console while you stood, hunched, tear-stained. “Do you really think I would let just anyone travel with me?” “I thought we were looking for the Doctor?” You began walking in the other direction. You met him after a few steps, seemingly surprising him. He avoided your eyes. “We are… the long way.” “Why?” The fear that you had felt for so long was slowly starting to disappear as you realised the Master maybe wasn’t as cruel and heartless as you thought. “Don’t push me.” He attempted to step around you to get to the console but you stopped him. “Why the long way?” “Because for some reason…” He groaned, frustrated, and ran a hand through his already tangled hair. “I like you. I like your company. Turns out I prefer it over being alone.” “I’m flattered.” You smiled weakly. The pain was still there, the anger, but you pushed it away. For him. “Don’t. You’re still my prisoner. I just happen to also not hate you.” “I can live with that.” You grin. “So…” “So?” “What now? Where are we off to?” You walked to one of the screens, despite knowing you wouldn’t be able to read the information on it, and pulled it closer to you. In the reflection you saw the Master approach, leaning over the shoulder. You were hyperaware of his presence, of the space between your bodies. But you weren’t scared. “Anywhere you want.” His voice was low, enticing. You turned, starting slightly at just how close he was, but not backing off. “Anywhere?” “Anywhere.” You considered the offer, imagining all the places, all the times you could go, all the things you could see. “Take me…” Your eyes were locked on his. “Take me somewhere beautiful.” “Somewhere beautiful it is.” He stepped closer, his chest against yours, making you look up at him, and he reached around you, pulling a lever on the console, jolting the TARDIS to life.

Time for a new adventure.

PART TWO

MASTERLIST

#doctor who #the master #the master x reader #dhawan!master #dhawan!master x reader #sacha dhawan #doctor who x reader #doctor who imagine #the master imagine #dhawan!master imagine

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drunklander · 4 years

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Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 507

OK QUICK QUESTION, OUTLANDER WRITERS, IF YOU’VE STILL BEEN CAPABLE OF MAKING EPISODES THIS GOOD THEN HOW THE FUCK DO YOU JUSTIFY MAKING *GESTURES AT THE LAST FEW SEASONS* ALL THAT SHIT?!

This is literally the first episode of Outlander in fucking *years* that I have liked and actually meant it. Like, I *wanted* to watch it again. I cannot remember the last time I’ve wanted to rewatch an episode rather than it feeling like “fandom homework.”

Their track record over the last few years has me worried this was a fluke. And they just accidentally did a good job, and we’ll be back to mediocrity next week. But...y’all. What if the show actually gets good again? You know, that thing we’ve been hoping would happen for 84 fucking years...

*attempts to keep expectations in check while simultaneously being excited to actually have positive feelings toward the show again*

(Now can we have a Claire-centric episode that isn’t about rape and/or the usual ye olde times violence against women?)

Nudity AND sexual content warnings at the start? It’s a quarantine miracle!

Am I the only one who isn’t so much a fan of the voiceovers?

Opening with Roger singing, and the title, made me rull skeptical of how much I’d like this episode. Glad he was just the B plot.

*mentally prepares for next week, because ugh, fuck that guy*

At least we won’t have singalongs anymore? *runs away*

The shots of the camp and stuff reminded me again how glad I am that this season feels much less claustrophobic overall than last year.

JAMIE IS HAVING A SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY!

LOOKIT THESE SOFT AF FRASERS!

MY BABIES ARE SO ADORABLE AND CUDDLY AND KISSY AND SNUGGLY AND MAKING DICK JOKES!

Move over Marilyn. I have a new favorite version of Happy Birthday.

Now quick, sing it a second time. I need a very sexy hand washing timer.

Ok but two of the English soldiers have the same last names as two people I work with but don’t particularly like. Eeeep.

99 yellow cockades on the wall, 99 yellow cockades. Take one down pass it around, 99 yellow cockades on the wall!

Update, I’m still not interested in the Browns or Isiah. But I guess if they’re gonna do what they’re probs gonna do next year, they have to make the Browns’ beef with Jamie a bigger thing than one episode... Le sigh.

Omfg the scene with the Findlay boys. They’re so young! Jamie’s giving them advice! They’re gonna follow the advice! And it’s gonna be tragic af! Literally perfect choice, tbh.

Tryon is such a condescending douchecanoe. Just going full Javert here.

Why the fuck is Bree in Hillsborough, though? Besides, needing to be conveniently there for Plotty McPlotterson reasons.

The more they say Alamance, the more all I can think of is Salamence. Which is fitting considering what happens to fellow ‘mon Roger MacSeedot at the end of the episode.

A+ choice moving Jamie calling on Dougal to here rather than before the flaming dildo.

Especially given a certain piece of stunt casting...

“My professor said that some people consider this to be the spark of the American Revolution.” *stares in Boston*

“Ye say some people believe this is the spark. Couldn't the spark alight from somewhere else?” “Yes, it could. You know, in Boston. Where you grew up. Your professor in Cambridge can shove it.”

If Harvard wasn’t closed because of the ‘rona, I’d march down there and give that fictional professor from decades ago a piece of my mind.

They’re really putting a lot of faith in a fucking handkerchief. Don’t see how that could go wrong.

“Now go. Be ready for the morrow.” And then all the Regulators sit down around their fires and sing Drink with Me.

Yes, I’m still on the “this season is Les Mis fanfic” train.

Ok but Murtz was ready to die at Culloden for a cause he believed in *with* Jamie and now, after hearing what Roger has to say, he’s ready to die here for a cause he believes in *against* Jamie* AND I AM FULL OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

*yes, I know that Jamie’s not 100% into it and definitely isn’t actually on the side of Murtz’s enemy.

“You have farmers, with knives and pitchforks.” *queues up Turning*

How fucking far away was this creek though that it took all fucking night to get there? Now is not the time for a sleepover party, Roger.

PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE, ROGER, PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE!

At least he doesn’t fucking kiss her, but you are *such* a dumbass, Roger.

LOL @ DOUGAL 2.0

They do love them some stunt casting on this show, don’t they.

Ok but making Jamie wear a red coat is a great fucking choice. And I know I shit on Heughan a lot, but his face as Jamie puts it on shows literally every emotion and his entire history with the men who wear those coats without saying a word.

Ok but since they cast Graham McTavish as a bit of a joke, does this mean we aren’t going to be subjected to Roger and Buck’s adventures through time? Because omfg I hate that shit so much. I mean, it’d be on brand for the show to make us watch an abusive husband gallivant around as a buddy of one of the leads, but it wouldn’t be a good look.

Buck!Dougal must have one of the previous season’s wigs. Because what is that dead thing on his head, haha.

Ditto what I said about Heughan re: Caitriona’s face when she see’s Jamie in the coat.

I AM STILL TRASH FOR THE SOLDIER THING.

Also, this is a good example of book shit worked in. Not awkwardly shoehorned in like they usually do.

Kinda bummed that Nurse Marsali is out of action, but get why Bree’s there. Whatevs. Can we get more Nurse Marsali soon?

The Browns are super obvious about trying to kill the person they’ve told everyone they want to kill.

Also like fuck the Browns for breaking her magic needle, but Claire, girl, keep a better grip on that shit.

THE MOURNFUL VERSION OF THE JE SUIS PREST/PRESTONPANS MUSIC IS PUNCHING ME IN THE FEELS.

FUCK THE ENGLISH, TBH. THEN AND NOW.

Also, why the fuck didn’t JAMMF ditch the coat as soon as they went into the woods? Not the smartest idea to run around in a bright fucking target, buddy.

OMG IT’S SO PERFECT THAT ONE OF THE FINDLAY’S DID IT. War is awful. War is random. And having a fucking pretty much child following the advice of his commanding officer, thinking he’s protecting his Colonel, be the one to kill Murtz is just the most perfectly tragic choice.

“Dinna be afraid... It doesn’t hurt a bit to die.” *sobs in Voyager*

I love that it’s Jamie’s men, who are ostensibly fighting for the English, are the ones who help him with Murtagh. Because, after all, they’re loyal to their chief and new clan, not the crown.

OMG ALL OF THEIR FACES THOUGH! JAMIE WITH THE GRIEF AND DENIAL AND ANGER AND BARGAINING! CLAIRE WITH THE GRIEF AND ACCEPTANCE! BREE WITH THE GRIEF AND DEPRESSION!

(Maybe not depression with Bree, I was just trying to fit in all five stages of grief.)

I’m obviously super sad to be losing Murtz, but this does feel like a good way to end his arc. With the added bonus of putting Jamie on the path to join the Revolution in a few years.

I’M JUST GONNA MISS THAT CROTCHETY FUCKER SO MUCH, OK! *drinks wine straight from the bottle*

Jamie ripping Tryon a new one is...not smart. But it’s what we all wish we could yell at the fuckwad. So carry on, JAMMF.

He’s being very Beauchamp-esque with this rant.

“I’ve paid my debt... and I’m finished with my obligation to you and to the crown.” Is that how that works though?

“You may have your coat back, sir.” A Mood™

I’m glad Claire kept his little scrap of plaid.

Ngl, I loved the Claire and Murtz relationship more than the Jamie and Murtz one. I am very sad for Claire.

Oh man, they are trickily ending on a high note*. We may have lost Murtz, but at least we’re rid of Roger!

*YMMV, don’t @ me.

But alas, next episode starts the saga of Emo!Roger. You can tell he’s gonna be alive because they show his one hand slipped from the handcuff rope and up at his neck rope.

We’ll deal with that next time. For this week, I’m just so fucking glad I’m still able to love this show and feel actually feelings while watching it.

I’ve missed that. So fucking much.

#*#outlander starz #outlander 5x07 #drunj!der yells about outlander

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lavendersoft · 5 years

Text

Until I met you.

-Street fighter!Jimin x Reader

1/?

Synopsis: While on a date for their 2nd anniversary, Jimin loses Yoongi while being attacked in an alleyway by a robber. Yoongi sacrificed himself for his lover and Jimin could never forgive himself for not being able to do the same. The survivor’s guilt ate away at him over the months and it definitely didn’t help that he saw Yoongi’s face everywhere. In mirrors, dreams, large crowds, on trains, and even when he closed his eyes. Although, Jimin found a way to cope. He began a rigorous training schedule. Boxing, self-defense classes, Tae Kwon Do, he even started street fighting and got caught up with bad people. Anything and everything. His hands would bleed, his muscles would ache, his bones would break. Jimin was offered multiple full scholarships to prestigious martial arts schools for his talent, all of which Jimin turned down. He didn’t want to make a career out of this, he just didn’t want to be haunted by his dead fiancé. The only time Yoongi won’t haunt every moment of Jimin’s life was when he’s training, as if Yoongi is saying “I won’t rest, nor will I let you rest, until you’re stronger.” Jimin will never lose anyone that he loves again.

Everything felt like a downward spiral,

until he met you.

Warnings: (There’s a lot- and it’s kinda dark, be warned) PTSD, implied schizophrenia (sorta? take that with a grain of salt), PTSD induced delusions/hallucinations, depression, paranoia, night terrors, character death, major angst, unhealthy coping mechanisms, masochism(?), alcoholism, minor gore, mention of drug abuse, mention of blood, mention of asylums, profanity, Jimin goes through one hell of a mental breakdown.

Author’s notes: super slow burn :/ basically, in which jimin copes with the traumatic incident of his fiancé’s brutal murder by street fighting. this story isn’t yandere but has dark themes.

The air was lifted right out of Jimin’s lungs. Tears were flowing freely, his hands were stained red, he couldn’t even see the golden engagement ring through the thick blood. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his own sobs and heartbreak.

“Please... please stay awake. They’re coming, okay? Help’s coming. Just look at me. Look at me, please.”

He’d remembered somewhere that you were supposed to put pressure on wounds this big to stop the bleeding. If only his hands could stop shaking.

Yoongi had stopped responding about two minutes prior to this but Jimin refused to accept his fate. His last words replaying in Jimin’s mind like a mantra.

“Survive. Please, live. I love you.”

Two wallets.

Two fucking wallets with about 150,000 won split between them.

That’s how much his fiancé was murdered for.

Jimin jerks awake in a cold sweat. His bruised fist clamped around his bedsheets, heart rate much higher than it should be. He rises out of the creaking bed to stretch his overly tense muscles.

He can still feel the weight of his deceased boyfriend’s limp body in his arms.

Every day starts like this.

Every morning he’s pulled from the same reoccurring nightmare, then he starts his cold shower.

He can’t even take warm showers anymore, remembering how hot Yoongi insisted on keeping the water temperature when they showered together.

It’s been nine months.

Nine months, two weeks and four days since he lost the love of his life forever.

He hasn’t even taken off the engagement ring. It’s as if it’s glued to his finger now, his hand feels empty without it.

Jimin avoids looking in the mirror at all costs. In fact, he’s gotten rid of most of them in his home. The ones he couldn’t get rid of, he smashed with his bare hands in a fit of rage. The scars on his hands are proof.

How could he look at himself knowing how weak he was?

He scoffs.

Back then... how could I bare to tolerate myself back then? I was so flimsy and weak. Could barely open a fucking jar by myself. Absolutely pathetic.

Jimin’s heart has gotten callous. He is easily provoked and irrational. The takes unnecessary risks and is impulsive.

His therapist said it was “self-sabotage” or something.

Just two weeks ago, Jimin bleached his hair a striking blond, almost white- which burned most of his scalp- just because. And before that, on the nine-month anniversary of his lover’s passing, he went to get a tattoo on a whim. Just because he felt like it. He drinks alcohol for breakfast and has recently taken up smoking. The smell of cigarettes remind him of Yoongi, who also used to smoke.

Jimin liked pain. It was invigorating. He likes feeling things. Feeling has become a rarity, a privilege, a novelty.

Although irritable and easily angered, Jimin is not an unkind person. He gives to charity and volunteers at animal shelters. These things have also made him feel again, because he can feel Yoongi there, the real Yoongi. Yoongi was a huge advocate for human kindness. He used to say it was never justifiable to be a hateful person for no reason at all.

Jimin clings to this principal.

But it’s hard. It’s so hard to act happy when he’s so broken inside. He almost wishes he could just-

“Don’t you dare use me as an excuse to be a miserable person.” Yoongi’s voice rings out from behind him. Jimin screws his eyes shut and covers his ears.

“Go away.”

This person- this being- wasn’t Yoongi, that much he knew. If anything, it was a demon. A poltergeist that feeds off Jimin’s suffering. Yoongi would never do that.

This is why everyone around Jimin thinks he’s the sweetest, loveliest, most endearing man they’ve ever met. If only they knew about the unyielding hellfire that burns his very core.

“Good morning, Mrs. Jeon!” Jimin’s sweet voice cuts through the morning air.

He was on his way to his best friend Jungkook’s house to meet before Tae Kwon Do training. The Jeon family owns a martial arts studio and they’ve been training together for months now.

“Oh, good morning Jimin! How are you today?” The nice woman is always so cheerful, Jimin respects that.

“I’m wonderful, thank you. Have you heard from Jungkook? He’s supposed to meet me here.” Jimin hurry’s to catch up with the woman in front of him and takes her groceries off of her arms to carry.

“Yes, actually. He was running a tad late this morning since his class ended late. He should be here soon. Would you mind bringing those up for me?” She gestured to the apartment right above the studio, where the family lives.

“Not at all.”

When Jungkook finally arrives, he brings with him thirty-two excuses as to why he was late.

“I lost my phone.”

“My car ran out of gas.”

“My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Jimin chuckles as he suits up his training gear.

“Dude, if all of those things are true, you really need to get your life together.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Jimin’s heart stops when the cold, low growl sounds from behind him again.

“You’re far from qualified to be giving life advice.”

Jimin hides his frown when the oblivious Jungkook punches him on the shoulder playfully.

“Haha! Shut up, dude! Let’s go.” He chides, padding off to the ring.

Jimin’s falters a bit behind, throwing a quick but cautious glance at the bloody image of Yoongi that glares back at him.

“Pathetic.”

“Seriously, dude! You’re way too talented at this to not make some money off of it.”

Jungkook’s been trying to get Jimin to take the scholarship he was offered by a scout that visited their studio not too long ago.

“I don’t know, man. This was just supposed to be a hobby remember?”

Jimin knew better. This was much more than a hobby. It was his anchor. It was his stress reliever. It was keeping him sane.

“Come on. We both know better than that. I see the way your face changes to stone when you fight. You have something. Something real. You could make it in the business!”

“You sound like a mafia boss.”

Jimin smiles as he eats the last of his ramen.

“Ya. I’m serious. If not a professional fighter then at least a coach. I mean, I’m doing it because I wanna be a cop but,” Jungkook sips from his energy drink. “Do you really just want to be a dancer?”

Jimin sighs. Yes. That was his dream before everything happened. He still clings to the idea. Before nine months ago, the idea had seemed just within reach. He’d applied for so many dance and art schools, even getting into a couple.

But after everything, he’d given up. He stopped dancing. He hates music. Even if he tried, his skills wouldn’t be anywhere near the place they were.

He’d totally abandoned his dream.

“Yes. I do.” He lies.

Jungkook shrugs, “Well, if anything, it’s made you a better fighter. Your moves are so fluid, it’s amazing.”

“Careful, you’re getting a crush.” Jimin jabs at him with a chopstick.

“Ugh. Please,” the younger rolls his eyes, “like I could ever. Plus, my girlfriend probably wouldn’t like that very much.”

“Oh? I thought you two ‘broke up’, no?”

“Nah. I love her too much.” Jimin finds it cute that Jungkook actually loves his girlfriend. Before, he was a player, only using girls for sex or free food.

“Don’t use girls like toys, Jungkook.” Yoongi would always keep Jungkook in place when he broke another heart.

“Well, this ones on you. Since you lost. Again.” Jimin’s giggle makes Jungkook pout.

“One of these days, I’m gonna beat you, Park Jimin.” Jungkook pouts.

“One of these days.” Jimin reiterates.

Jimin says goodbye to his friend and pushes through the restaurant door. He misses the worried look Jungkook gives him when he turns his back.

The raindrops hit the top of the hood of Jimin’s jacket as he walks down the busy street. He hates being too alone these days. Jungkook really helps keep Jimin grounded, he’s one of the only people that don’t totally annoy him now. He reminds Jimin of all the times Yoongi, Jungkook, Tae, Namjoon, Jin, Hoseok, and himself would hang out as teens and young adults. Just fooling around without any worry. No cares or responsibilities, young love, parties. That was their lives.

Until nine months ago.

The grief of losing one of the group was detrimental. It seemed like no one was recovering properly, except maybe Jungkook. That’s why Jimin cohered himself to Jungkook, he seemed to be the most stable out of them all.

Namjoon and Tae both landed themselves in jail on multiple occasions for a plethora of reasons.

Hoseok checked himself into a mental asylum for a while. Last Jimin heard, he was abusing drugs of some sort.

And Jin moved across the country, said he wanted to start fresh. But really, he was just doing what Jin did best- running away.

None of them kept contact, except for Jungkook.

The entire carefree, wild group of friends had dissipated into nothing.

He feels his eyebrows furrow into a stern look.

They all left.

“They all left you.” His jaw clenches at the familiar, yet slightly inhuman voice. “They never cared about you. And Jungkook will leave you one day, too. No one is forever.”

Jimin’s turns down an alleyway and stops about halfway through, tears gathered in his eyes.

“No one is forever, but at least they keep moving forward. You’re just stuck.”

Yeah, Jimin truly hates being alone.

The not-so-subtle red neon sign flickers with the bright name of the “club.”

The large metal door makes a shallow sound when Jimin’s taps on it three times. A man wearing all black with sunglasses answers, “Passwo- oh, Jimin-ah. Come on in.”

Jimin nods once to the tall bodyguard as he passes him. The man towers over Jimin in height but the energy around the two doesn’t match. The man takes a small, nervous step back when Jimin starts forward.

Jimin hates how skittish everyone is in this little hole in the wall.

The biggest underground fighting ring in Korea was right next door to Jimin’s apartment, who would have thought. How convenient.

Heads bow as he passes. No one makes eye contact. Some mumble respectful greetings while putting honorifics next to his name, no matter what age or status they have.

He’s basically a king here.

But he doesn’t want the throne.

Jimin’s peers into the crowd and sure enough, sights his dead lover. He just wants this damn demon to leave him alone.

Yoongi never bothers him while he’s fighting or training. It’s like he goes dormant or something. That’s why Jimin keeps doing it. Well, that and because he wants to be strong. Stronger than he’s ever been.

And he is. He’s undefeated in this hellhole. He sort of blanks out when he fights anyone that’s not Jungkook. That’s how he earned the appropriate nickname “Demon”, for good reason. He’s heard from others that’s he’s terrifying when he’s in the ring. Although no one but his manager and couple other higher-ups dare to call him that, and he barely even tolerates that.

The last newcomer that called him that learned through a crushed windpipe to not.

He only does this to pay the bills. Everyone here knows that. It pisses some people off. For some, this was their entire life, what they were raised to do. Born to be fighting machines.

So, naturally, some don’t like Jimin. Especially those who he’s fought and won against. But Jimin couldn’t care less about what these people think about him.

“Manager-nim,” Jimin addresses an older man, somewhere in his forties, “I need you to schedule another Gold for me.”

See, the underground business is one built on ranking.

In the underground street fighting business, fights were categorized by prize earning and rank of the fighters. Gold rank fights could only be scheduled by- and usually for- the highest members, the Elites. The grand prize for a win was seven hundred million won. Only the greatest of the greatest won the prize and thus, earning an elite status (if not an elite already).

Jimin’s won it twice.

“Ya, getting pretty greedy now, are we? You just won it a couple months ago, Kid. Where’d that money go?”

“It’s gone.”

The suited man scoffs, “You need a better budgeting plan, Demon.” Jimin fights the urge to uppercut him.

“Can you do it or not?” Jimin’s patience is already wearing thin and he’s been here for a whole five minutes.

“You know, contrary to what you might believe, I’m not a money machine. The money you win when you fight comes from somewhere. Not only that, I’m not the only Elite that gets to decide. We take a vote.”

“Well vote.”

“Aish.” He growls, “You’re something else. People here are gonna start to think I favor you, and that’s dangerous for the both of us.” He pauses to look Jimin in the eyes, “You know, you have all of the qualifications to make the Elite status. Why don't you do the initiation-”

“Let me know when you have an answer.” Jimin’s made his feelings on the subject clear already. He has no intention of making this a permanent thing. This isn't a lifestyle, this isn't his job. It’s just a way to relieve his stress and make some cash.

With that, Jimin takes his leave, disappearing into the same direction from which he came. He’s truly a mysterious phenomenon.

Jungkook: hey do u wanna meet me and Jiyoo tonight for dinner?

Jimin peers down at his phone in confusion.

Jimin: uh third-wheeling really isn’t my thing lol

Jungkook: no, no we have someone we want you to meet. she’s Jiyoo’s sister and she’s just come home from college.

Jimin groans. This isn’t the first time Jungkook’s tried to set him up since Yoongi passed. He appreciates the sentiment but Jimin doesn’t think he’ll ever love someone like that again. It’s too much to ask for.

Jimin: idk man i’m pretty tired from training today. i think i’m gonna pass.

Jungkook: pretty please?

Ugh.

Jimin shoves a pillow over his face in frustration. He’s never been able to tell the kid no. And besides that- Jimin can feel the beady eyes of the shadowy figure in the corner. No, he doesn’t really want to stay here.

Jimin: fine.

—

The restaurant is filled with all sorts of people. From children to the elderly. Jimin gazes from person to person trying to decipher what kind of person they are. He tries to hinder the negative thoughts from entering his mind about them.

Jungkook’s always late. Always. When Jungkook says “5:30” he really means “6:00.” You’d think after almost a decade of knowing the kid, Jimin would learn.

He fidgets with the sleeves of his sweater. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? Was it because these blind dates never end well? He thinks back to the last blind date Jungkook had set him up with.

Jimin shudders.

He can still hear the innocent girl’s cries as she fled his apartment, heartbroken.

He’s pulled from his thoughts as an arm slings around his shoulder, “Hey, man.”

Jungkook’s bright smile beams at him.

“Hey. Hi, Jiyoo.” He greets the couple as they take their seats.

“Hey, Jiminie.” Jungkook’s girlfriend was super cute, he’ll give her that.

“So..?” He’s confused time see that they came alone.

“Oh, she’s coming. My little sister is always a little late.”

Later than you both?

Jimin stops himself from the bitterness that threatens to erupt again. Not tonight. He’s going to try to be on his best behavior for his friend’s sake.

He’ll save all those pent up emotions for the fight he has scheduled tomorrow.

He vaguely registers the figure that makes its way into his peripheral vision, although he pays it no mind at first.

“Oh, Y/n! It’s good to see you again.” Jungkook seems a bit overly excited. What’s all the fuss about? It’s not like-

Oh.

Okay, so she’s, like, really pretty. So what?

“Hi, Jungkook. Nice to see you. Jiyoo!” The girl walks over to embrace her sister tightly, “Oh my God, it feels like it’s been forever.”

After they take their greetings, the woman sits down across from Jimin.

“Hello, you must be Jimin. Jungkook’s told me so much about you. I’m Y/n.”

Okay, so she has the voice of an angel, big deal.

“Um, hi- yeah, I’m Jimin.” He reaches out to take the hand she offers.

“So, Y/n’s a dancer,” Jungkook starts when the food is placed in front of them, “and she’s really good.”

“Not that good.” She blushes.

“Don’t be modest, Y/n. She’s going to a really prestigious dance school on a full scholarship!” Her sister beams.

“Oh? Which one?” Jimin presses. It’s not like he’s interested or anything. Definitely not.

“Global. Global Dance Studio.” She answers.

“Ah. I heard they were good.” Jimin knows more than he let on. That was literally his dream school.

“Yeah, but strict. The training is brutal.” She emphasizes. He knows, he had to go through the same treatment. He hates that he feels a pang of jealousy and resentment towards this person he’s just met.

“I’ve heard.” He finishes as he takes the first bite of his food.

The rest of the hour-long dinner was pretty boring, with Jiyoo and Jungkook mostly taking ahold of the conversation. Although, Jimin will admit that he couldn’t stop glancing back at the beautiful girl across from him.

And he won’t pretend that he didn’t notice her treating him the same.

He was charming and kind, as usual, but he remained on the quiet side of the conversation. Jimin knew that Jungkook could tell he wasn’t being quite as flirty as he usually is with setups like this, from the way that the younger kept trying to tie Jimin in the chit chat.

Jimin stays subtle for the rest of the date.

When the group says their goodbyes, his eyes linger on hers for longer than the rest.

“It was nice to meet you, Y/n.”

“Likewise.” She grins and Jimin feels his heart stop.

And then he leaves. Really, really fast.

That’s not good.

—

#Until I Met You #bts fanfiction #bts #park jimin #min yoongi #yoonmin #jeon jungkook #park jimin fanfic #park jimin fanfiction #jimin x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jimin #yoongi #jungkook #street fighter! jimin

96 notes · View notes

seeaddywrite · 5 years

Text

not by blood, but by choice

a/n: ugh, okay, so technically this was started as a response to the Day 2 prompt for Roswell New Mexico Week 2019, which was family, but i am the worst at adhering to deadlines. 4k of this was written yesterday, but I COULDN’T GET IT TO END.

thanks to @soberqueerinthewild, as always, for listening to me whine & letting me borrow her idea of Isobel taking self-defense classes!

right. Max + Malex fic, set six months post-finale.

“So, Isobel is where, again?” Michael asks, his elbows on Max’s kitchen counter to either side of a full plate. Max is damn good at using the grill on his patio, and Michael’s never one to pass up free food. If he’d known that it would end up just being himself, his brother, and his newly official boyfriend, however, he’s not so sure he would have accepted the invitation.

It’s not that Michael hates spending time with Max. He really doesn’t, anymore, not since the other man died. Six months of sharp-edged grief and directionless anger over the actions of a dead man had been awful, and Michael can’t pretend that he’s not glad to have his brother’s steadying presence back in his head. They’ve been spending more time together in the three weeks since Max has been back, usually involving food and shitty television, and, most importantly, Isobel’s presence as a buffer. He and Max don’t know how to spend uncomplicated, unplanned time together anymore, even after the residual anger and bitterness between them fades, and Alex’s presence seems to have made the awkwardness worse.

And that shouldn’t be a surprise, shouldn’t be the smack in the face that it is, because Michael has known since before Max’s death that he thinks Michael should let Alex go to focus on a future in which he can be happy, as if a relationship with Alex can never be more than a reminder of the tragedies in their shared pasts. And Michael’s pretty sure that there’s a little bit of discomfort at the idea of Michael with a man, too, and he doesn’t want to touch that particular idiocy with a ten-foot pole. He’s pretty sure Max won’t make it out of that conversation in one piece, and Michael doesn’t want Isobel and Liz on his ass for killing him again when they’d only just gotten him back.

“Self-defense class,” Max says with a small sigh, glancing at Alex like he’s not sure how much he can say about the matter in front of him, despite the fact that he’s been involved in every step of the work to bring Max back and protect them all from the long-reaching arm of Project Shepherd. “She’s a little . . . focused.”

Michael picks up what Max isn’t saying without any mental prodding, and he drops a hand from the counter to Alex’s good knee, squeezing for his own, selfish comfort. He gets a reassuring smile for his troubles, and Michael takes a moment to revel in how lucky he is that Alex was willing to give him another chance after every stupid fucking thing he’s done in the last year: dating Maria, trying to hide from his grief at the bottom of a bottle, and swinging first and asking questions later. Alex had been the one to drag him out of his self-imposed exile and help him to realize that Isobel needed someone, too, so he understands the worry Michael feels better than most anyone could.

Michael would like to think that he’d pulled himself together enough to be there for his sister, but no amount of support had been enough to heal the gaping wounds Noah left in her soul. Max’s return helped, and her obsessive need to become more powerful has definitely eased in the past few weeks. She’s no longer practicing mind control on random passers-by, and she’s done blowing things up just because she can, a fact for which the entire town should be grateful. But Michael knows, just as Max does, that their sister is far from fine. Her laser focus has been turned from expanding her supernatural powers to physical self-defense now that Max is back with them, and it might be better for their anonymity, but no one is convinced that it’s better for Isobel.

“She’s been through a lot,” Alex says, his voice level as he cuts through the moment of tension with his usual affability. He’s been eating steadily, and is sitting comfortably on one of the tall stools surrounding the kitchen counter, no hint of uncertainty in his posture, but Michael knows better. He’d asked at least three times on their way to Max’s if Michael was sure that he’d be welcome, and when he realized that Isobel wasn’t coming, the grip on Michael’s fingers had tightened to an almost painful degree. Even now, when Max lifts his chin and gives Alex a look, there’s an undeniable tension in the muscles beneath Michael’s hand.

But Alex isn’t intimidated by Max. He wants to get along with him, Michael thinks, because they share all of the same friends and loved ones, and are at least tangentially family, which means more to Alex than most people would be able to understand. That doesn’t mean he’s going to back down and show his throat, though, or let Max run roughshod over his opinions. Max doesn’t seem quite sure how to handle that; he’s been running the show to keep the three aliens safe for their entire lives, and Michael suspects he’s having a hard time adjusting to the fact that others had become just as involved in that goal while he was gone. But Alex is good at plans and strategies in a way that Max isn’t, and has more personal experience with trauma and healing than Michael cares to think about. His understanding of Isobel’s actions carry weight, whether Max wants to admit it or not.

“No matter why she’s doing it, self-defense isn’t a bad way to help her build some confidence,” Alex continues, meeting Max’s gaze calmly across the table. “She’s got an expert teacher and other people in the class to make sure she doesn’t take it too far. It’s as safe as anything like that can be -- and I think we’d all rather she took out her frustrations on a punching bag instead of people. I really don’t think you need to worry about her; she’s just looking for a way to feel safe in her own skin again.”

They’ve talked about this before, Alex and Michael. It’s always been after nightmares of being forced to put Isobel’s body in a pod next to Max’s, or watching her being dragged away by scientists who caught her using her powers in obvious ways during her more reckless moments. It’s been Alex who’s gathered him close in the middle of the night and whispered reassurances and explained that recovery from trauma doesn’t always seem right or healthy to others, but Isobel has to learn to stand on her own again without interference from her friends and family. She has to learn what it means not to depend on anyone after years of leaning on Noah and his reputation to make a life for herself. Michael doesn’t pretend to understand, but he’s promised Alex -- and Isobel herself -- to give her some time and space to try.

But Max has only been up and moving for three weeks, and he’s too mired in the guilt of sending his sister into such a tailspin to realize that he’s not doing her any favors by trying to smother her. But that’s Max; he’s always been too ready to do whatever it takes to protect them, no matter what the cost. That’s how they ended up covering up a murder and carrying that burden by themselves for over a decade. It’s why his friendship with Michael crumbled around them. It’s why he can never really feel safe -- and Michael’s tired of watching the same thing happen, again and again.

Max stabs a piece of chicken with a bit more violence than strictly necessary, but doesn’t make any move to eat it. “I’ve been worrying about Isobel since she fell out of her pod and into my arms when we were seven,” he says coldly. At some point, he’s shifted to sit up straighter in his chair, and crossed his arms over his chest while he stares, narrow-eyed, across the table at Alex. “She’s never had any interest in self-defense before. A taser and influencing minds has always been enough for her. So even if I could stop worrying, I wouldn’t, because my sister is off the rails, and she needs help. And for the record? The fact that you’re dating Michael now does not give you the right to tell me how to be there for my family.”

There’s a moment of stunned silence from all parties as the electricity in the room flickers and Max battles with himself to rein his powers back in. He seems just as shocked as the others about the words that have escaped his mouth, and Michael can’t quite wrap his head around the speed with which the conversation escalated. He gapes openly at Max, his blood on a slow boil. Who the hell does he think he is? Alex has been building a friendship with Isobel for half a year, while Max was gone. He’s listened to her cry, and even helped her find a decent self-defense class. Alex has been there for her, and for everyone else, while Max abandoned them for a moment of heroism that left them all fucking reeling -- and he’s going there? With Alex, who’d only been trying to help? Fuck no.

“I’m sorry.” Max swallows heavily, his eyes sliding closed for a minute. The apology gives Michael the moment he needs to press pause on his impending explosion, and Alex looks genuinely poleaxed by the unexpected words. He’d been bracing for a blow-up, Michael realizes, taking in the challenging tilt to his chin and the glint of banked fire in his eyes.

“That wasn’t -- I’m not --” Max trails off, running the palm of his hand over his face before opening his eyes and directing his words to both of them. “I don’t have the right to talk to you that way, Alex, and I should know better, by now, than to let my temper get the best of me.” He glances wryly toward Michael, who just raises an eyebrow, waiting.

Alex doesn’t share Michael’s patience for whatever comes next. He pushes his plate off to the side of the table and leans forward, his expression inscrutable, but Michael can read the uncertainty in the tilt of his eyebrows and the tight line of his lips. He nudges his boyfriend’s knee with his own, trying to get him to look over, but Alex is focused on Max.

“I know that you’ve been protecting them for most of your lives,” he says quietly, a strange solemnity in his voice that makes Michael want to wrap an arm around his shoulders and pull him into his side. Family is a difficult concept for Alex; he’s never had anyone willing to protect him from his father of any of the rest of life’s cruelties. And while Michael’s always wished for something more than Max and Isobel, someone more, he knows that he’s damn lucky to have them. Alex knows it, too, and is trying to meet Max halfway, which is more than Michael would have ever asked of him.

“You’re family, and I respect that. I’m not trying to tell you how to support Isobel, or to pretend that she’s doing fine when we all know better. I’ve just been where she’s been, at least a little.” Alex hesitates, and in a moment of prescience, Michael can tell what he’s about to say and opens his mouth to stop him, to tell him that he doesn’t need to reopen his own wounds just because Max is bleeding all over him. But before he gets the chance, Alex plows forward, as unfailingly brave as he’s always been. “Someone who was supposed to love me hurt me, too. It’s not the same, and I’m not naive enough to think I know exactly what she’s going through. But I do know that after something like that? After betrayal and feeling so completely out of control of your own life? It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin again. Time, space, and support from people who love you.”

Michael tangles his fingers with Alex’s, and soaks up the small smile he gets in return. If Max is anything but understanding and kind in the face of such an emotionally honest confession, not even the threat of Liz’s temper tantrum is going to stop him from punching his brother in the fucking face. Alex doesn’t often talk about his father, and Michael can count on one hand the amount of times he’s heard him admit that he needed help to begin healing the wounds left by years of abuse and unfounded hatred. If Max rewards that honesty with callous words or cruelty, Michael doesn’t care what their connection is -- Alex is his family, too, and doesn’t have many other people to protect him. That’s Michael’s job, and one he takes damn seriously.

Thankfully, Max only nods slowly. There’s no way to be sure of what he already knows about Alex’s father, or the real reasons he went to war, but there’s a glimmer of understanding in his eyes that tells Michael he knows enough to tread carefully. “It turns out I’m not so great at protecting anyone,” he says dryly, worrying at his lower lip with his teeth. “Or taking good advice, apparently. I really am sorry -- you’re right. I need to let Isobel come to me, if that’s what she wants. It’s just harder than I expected, after all this time.” His smile is a sad, resigned thing, and Michael is irritated that it gets to him. Max deserves to feel some guilt and regret for what he’s done, and even if his death isn’t the cause of all of Isobel’s trauma, he needs to own the fact that he fucked up.

Michael does his best to squash the thought. They haven’t talked about the moments leading up to Max’s death, or how any of them feel about it -- the three of them have simply slapped a bandage over the bleeding wound and done their best not to poke at it. Michael knows it won’t last forever; eventually, he’s going to lose it and tell Max exactly how much damage he’s done to all of them, not just Isobel, with his stupid stunt. He’s got plenty to answer for, and part of Michael wants to point it out, to bellow that he didn’t seem to care so much about protecting them when he was resurrecting Rosa Ortecho, that maybe he should have thought about how Isobel might feel -- but he doesn’t. This isn’t the time, not with so much already going on around them.

Alex shakes his head, but some of the tension has dissipated from his face. “You don’t have to apologize. I get it. It’s hard to take advice from people you don’t really trust, and I know I don’t have yours, yet. But I really do just want to help, in whatever way I can. You might not think he and I are good for each other, but Michael’s the only family I’ve got, and you and Isobel are his, so . . .” he trails off, looking uncomfortable while trying to navigate complex emotions. Talking about how he feels and his own motivations is never going to be easy for Alex, even though he and Michael have gotten better at it is as they restarted their relationship.

It’s hard to watch him push through the explanation, but Michael doesn’t jump in and try to help. He knows better; Alex is perfectly capable of expressing himself, and won’t appreciate an attempted subject change, no matter how awkward this one is. He shifts restlessly on the stool and kicks at the bottom of the counter in an effort to distract himself. The knowledge that Max doesn’t think the two of them should be together has weighed on Alex since Michael told him the story of how his hand was healed, and he knows that it’s better to get it all out in the open now, because if he has any say in the matter, Alex is sticking around for the rest of their lives. And if it helps him, or Max, to air their grievances, then Michael can deal with it.

“What?” Max is staring at Alex, his expression twisted into obvious confusion. “Why would you think that?” There’s an obvious glimmer of hurt in the depths of his eyes that Michael doubts Alex can see. Max doesn’t usually bother to hide his emotions from his family, but with others, he tends to make more of an effort. “I’m not going to pretend that I know you very well, but I don’t have a problem with the two of you being together. I don’t know what Michael’s been telling you, but I’m not actually a bigot.”

“Max,” Michael interrupts, rolling his eyes. “He’s not calling you a fucking homophobe, relax. I told him about what you said before you --” he waves a hand, still uncomfortable with blurting out the word ‘died’ in reference to his brother. Isobel had taken to using the word as a weapon, wielding it viciously every time Max tried to convince her to give up her relentless pursuit of power and self-confidence, every time his protective instincts became smothering and hard for her to deal with, but Michael can’t quite bring himself to do the same. Not when it’s still so fresh in his mind, and Max’s, too.

Alex nods, for the first time looking uncomfortable. “It makes sense. I know that I haven’t been the most reliable person for Michael, so I understand that you might not want to listen to what I have to say about Isobel, but -”

“Wait, wait, hold on a second,” Max interjects, directing his bewildered stare at Michael. “What did I say? I remember -- I remember the lightning, and killing Noah, but everything gets hazy, after that.” There’s a far-off look in his eyes as he struggles to put the pieces together, and Michael shifts on his stool and eventually stands, restless energy crawling beneath his skin. He’s recounted that night’s events for Alex, and for Liz, later, but this is the first time the subject has been broached with Max. It’s a hundred times worse; every word feels fraught with tension and buried emotion, and Michael doesn’t want this to escalate into a real fight.

He can feel Alex’s eyes on him and knows that he’s going to have to answer, if only because Alex doesn’t have all of the details, and groans. This conversation feels like peeling a scab off of a nearly-healed wound, and it hurts, but Michael can’t bring himself to stalk off and ignore it any longer. They need to talk about this, to get it all out in the open, and Michael refuses to restart a decade-long habit of storming off when he and Max argue. The two of them are damned good at hurting each other, at leaving when things get hard, but Isobel isn’t in a place to bring them back together, anymore. And call him selfish, but Michael has enjoyed having his brother back, these past three weeks. Things have been good between them, and losing that over something that Max doesn’t even remember clearly would be fucking stupid. Michael might be frustrated, might feel like shaking Max until his brain rattles around in his skull, but he’s still Michael’s family, and that’s so rare that he won’t entertain the idea of losing it again because of death or stupid arguments.

So he stops the restless pacing around the kitchen just behind Alex’s shoulder and flexes his newly-healed hand in pointed reminder of the conversation in the cave that Max can’t recall. He’s not ashamed to admit that he takes a little takes petty, vindictive pleasure in the way that Max flinches — he’s not awful enough to want Max to hurt, but Michael wants to make damn sure he remembers, the next time he’s hyped up on power and thinks he can play God, that’s never okay to irrevocably change someone’s body without their fucking explicit consent, even if he’s sure it’ll be an improvement.

“You said to leave the past behind and look forward,” he says, and if the words drip with accusation, Michael thinks it’s justified. That had fucked him up, for a while. Those words had gotten in his head and under his skin, and burrowed even deeper when Isobel agreed with them -- and he and Alex had lost months while Michael tried to follow their advice with Maria. “You wanted to get rid of my reminder.” Again, he flexes fingers that had been stiff and numb for the last decade, this time without really thinking about it. “And Isobel agreed, afterward, so --”

“You thought that meant I was telling you to give up on Alex?” Max interrupts abruptly, and Michael doesn’t understand the incredulousness in his voice. What the hell else could he have meant? But Max is staring at him, brows drawn and mouth open, and for a split second, Michael wishes that he could read the other man’s mind with Isobel’s ease. It’d be nice to know what Max is thinking, if only to get him to stop staring at Michael that way.

“Let me get this straight,” Max says finally breaking the tense silence as he pushes away from the counter to stand. He runs his fingers through his short hair in a move that Michael recognizes from years of post-drunken brawl confrontations -- it’s the frustrated gesture that comes right before the agitated pacing in front of holding cell in the Sheriff’s office. With the pacing comes the ‘I’m so disappointed in you’ face that, despite all of Michael’s determination not to give a shit, always makes him feel a tug of guilt in the pit of his stomach. “You have never once listened to me before, about anything, and that’s where you decide to start?”

Sure enough, the predicted pacing starts a second later, and Michael’s eyes narrow, his temper flaring hot and powerful in his chest. He’s glad Max isn’t dead, and he won’t deny it, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to start listening to the same old bullshit, especially when he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“Do you need me to participate in this conversation, or is this where I’m supposed to shut up and listen to daddy like a good little boy?” Michael asks acerbically, his expression twisting into something bitter. “Fuck off, Max. I’ve listened to you before, and you know it. You’re the one who said anything to keep the secret, remember? Last I checked, I’ve been following your lead on that for years, even when it meant letting Isobel think I was a goddamn murderer!” His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, and Michael deliberately pushes away from Alex and the table in case things get ugly.

He’s ready and braced for a fight. Part of him is even looking forward to it; Michael’s still got a hell of a lot of anger where Max is concerned, most of it centered around the fact that he’d done exactly what Isobel and Michael had warned him not to. He’d decided he was a freaking deity and sacrificed himself, leaving them torn apart and bleeding when they needed him. Michael’s hand, the fiasco with Noah, ten years of resentment — Michael’s practically salivating for a chance to swing at Max. Maybe then the restlessness that’s been crawling beneath his skin, making him unpredictable and reckless since Max’s death will finally be appeased. Maybe he’ll be able to let it all go, afterward, and function normally, like’s supposed to.

Max doesn’t give him the chance to find out. His reply is strangely even, tinged with regret and something Michael can’t get a read on without pushing into his head. “I’m a lot of things, Michael, and we both know that not all of them are good, but I’d like to think I’m not that much of a hypocrite.”

It’s Alex who frowns and asks, “What do you mean?” when Michael just stares, still balancing precariously on the razor-thin line between cold silence and an explosion of temper. The wind’s been taken from his sails, though, and he wants to hear the answer to Alex’s question, so he says nothing.

Dark eyes glance between them, and Max huffs a disbelieving laugh and shakes his head. “Come on. Think about it. I should have given up on Liz a long, long time ago. If all I cared about was hiding the truth about what we are, I would never have gotten close enough to fall in love with her -- and I definitely wouldn’t have told her the truth when she came back, especially not after what happened to Rosa. Everytime we got closer, something awful happened, and it hurt both of us. And being with her now, it’s still like dangling from a cliff.”

There’s a fond nostalgia in the way he speaks, like he’s repeating words from Liz’s mouth with the incredulity of someone who still can’t quite believe he got the girl. “It’s not safe. It’s not easy. Every minute with Liz is like this incredible adrenaline rush, and I’m always wondering what’s going to happen when I finally crash, but I wouldn’t give her up for anything. Not even when Isobel begged me to find someone else. I knew that I couldn’t.”

Max looks from Michael’s face to Alex’s, and the slightest hints of a smile tweak the corners of his lips. “So I’d say it’d be pretty damn hypocritical of me to tell you to give up the love of your life when I’m not willing to do the same.” Max’s tall, broad body sags back against the kitchen wall, and he tips his head back against the panelling, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t remember that night very well. Just feeling invincible, with all that power -- but I still do think you need to let go of the past and stop reminding yourself of everything that hurt you. It’s impossible to move forward together, carrying all of that weight with you, and it would have ruined any chance you had of making things work. That’s all I meant, Michael, I swear.”

There’s a moment’s silence, and Max swallows before lifting his head to look back across the room at Michael again, apparently waiting for a response. He doesn’t get one -- at least, not from Michael. There’s too much going on in his head to even consider responding coherently; strong feelings always intensify the noise in his mind, turning his thoughts to chaos and threads of ideas impossible to untangle from one another. It’d made learning to speak as a child way more difficult than it should have been for someone as smart as Michael, and he still finds himself lapsing into silence from time to time.

Max and Alex both know this about him, and no one presses. His boyfriend simply slides from his chair to stand behind him and wraps him in a warm, gentle embrace from behind, and rests his chin on Michael’s shoulder while he looks at Max, who’s still slumped against the wall, looking tired and significantly more concerned the longer the silence goes on. “Good,” he says, speaking for both of them while Michael tries to understand how he and Max could possibly misunderstand each other on such an epic level when they literally share a psychic connection. “Because I’m not leaving again, and things might have gotten pretty damn awkward if you were going to be an ass about it.”

The blunt statement makes Michael laugh, and for the first time since entering Max’s house that night, he turns his head and presses a chaste kiss to the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth. It’s the first overt display of affection he’s made in front of Max and is suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that he’s been careful not to initiate much in the way of physical contact in front of his brother. Alex hasn’t said anything, and Michael knows he wouldn’t, whether it bothered him or not, but he’s immediately pissed at himself for the reluctance. Max’s opinion isn’t supposed to matter, whether real or assumed, but apparently, Michael’s always going to care, at least a little, about what his brother thinks.

It’s a galling realization, but it doesn’t seem quite as bad as it would have an hour ago.

“Nah, he’ll just find something else to be an ass about,” Michael drawls a moment later, and Max makes a face at him, but it does nothing to disguise the relief in his expression. He’s been waiting for Michael to erupt, to yell and call him names, because that’s what they’ve done for ten years, and damn, it feels good to break that cycle. “Which is fine, because Max being nice usually ends in being a captive audience for Dostoyevsky read aloud, and I don’t think we need to be a part of his masturbatory fantasies, you know?”

Max snorts, and Alex grins, the stretch of his smile obvious against Michael’s cheek. “Well, that explains some things about the books Liz has been carting around lately. I knew she didn’t randomly decide to pick up the most depressing book ever written,” he adds, the teasing clear in his voice. This close, Michael can almost feel the slight waver of worry that the joke won’t be well-received, that Max is going to snap at him again and all the progress they’ve just made will be ruined, but Michael isn’t worried.

Used to the mocking comments, Max just rolls his eyes and grabs his plate from the counter, still half full of food, and shoves it in the microwave to reheat. “Great,” he tosses over his shoulder, loud enough for both of the other men to hear clearly. “Another brother who wants to take shots at my library. You’re going to have to get some new material, Manes, because Michael and Isobel have exhausted those jokes. You two deserve each other.” He sighs dramatically with a good-natured smile in their direction, then takes his steaming plate from the microwave before disappearing into the living room with it. Michael can’t decide if he’s giving them a much-needed moment alone or is really just that hungry, but he appreciates it anyway. Alex has frozen against his back, and they definitely do need a second to themselves.

As soon as he hears the television turn on in the living room, Michael turns in Alex’s arms and presses his lips to the hinge of his jaw. “Now you’ve done it,” he says lightly, running a hand down Alex’s back soothingly. “He’s adopted you. You’re going to have to put up with all of that oblivious, overprotective bullshit just like the rest of us, and pretty soon you’ll be as crazy as me.”

Alex huffs a disbelieving laugh, obviously bewildered by the twist the evening had taken. “I came here ready to fight with him all night,” he admits quietly, and casts a surreptitious glance over his shoulder, as if worried that Max is eavesdropping from the next room. “This is better. Even if it’s a little bizarre.” There’s a small, pleased smile on his face as he takes a step back from Michael and laces their hands together, and it remains as they heat up the remains of their own food and join Max in the living room to watch Friends reruns with Isobel’s Netflix account. They don’t talk about anything difficult for the rest of the evening, reverting instead to teasing comments and character imitations, and Michael catches himself relaxing into the easy camaraderie of the evening.

It’s not perfect, and maybe it never will be, but Michael thinks it’s a pretty damn good start to the family they’re trying to rebuild.

#rnmweek19 #roswellweek19 #day two: family #my fic #malex + max #malex fic #whistles

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hobidreams · 4 years

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i love exploration of grief bc it is such a strong emotion. and it's a clear indicator of love. idk if anyone ever felt like that, but there were times where i was wondering if i truly, genuinely loved that person because at times i just felt... numb. and it made me doubt how i felt about them and it made me feel like... well, like a terrible person. but then my chest started to hurt every time and i couldn't breathe and my eyes would get all watery and it made me realize that not how you 1/6

long ask so going to put it under a cut 💕

+ react every time you think of that person's name or what they were to you if you don't truly love them. and i never, ever doubted my love while they were alive. it also doesn't really go away with time. and people cope with it in different ways. so with characters who are in denial or are oblivious, it's interesting to see that journey of realization and how they deal with it and how they handle their grief after that. cause those two can be very hard pills to swallow, especially when 2/6

+ mixed together. and also, mlt!yoongi seems to be driven with rage, which makes things more interesting. it might not be the same for everyone, but i quickly picked up that anger and sadness are like diametrically linked... or whatever. so i can control anger with sadness and sadness with anger. not the greatest way to cope but it comes in handy sometimes. it takes very short period of time to get in control of yourself if you need to pull yourself together real quick without slipping or 3/6

+ anyone noticing. not that i get angry often or have rage fits or act like mlt!yoongi lol. but yeah, the idea of him grieving for oc is very appealing because it would require a strong response from him, whatever the type. and i can definitely see him trying to overcome grief and regret by spiraling into rage and not even attempting to control himself. but also, what's the point of the whole journey then if the story finishes that way? most of us, or at least me personally, wouldn't like to 4/6

+ wouldn't like to see her actually dead. we have real life for that. there are many stories like that in real life already. that's not particularly what most of us want in fiction? and it's kinda bittersweet to see that situation get a happy ending because for 99% of people that's not how things end. cause you know... we can't have that. but at least they can. and it might sound ridiculous but there's kinda comfort in that. 5/6

+ sooo... anyway. yeah. TMI. pointless long message over. let's finish it off with an image of oc accidentally kicking yoongi in the balls and them both just trying to move on and get it on but she's MORTIFIED. that'd be hilarious to see. we need to talk about it some more. 6/6

hihi babe!! this message really touches upon so many of the thoughts i’ve been having lately. i have aphantasia, which essentially means my mind’s eye is blind & so i can’t see pictures in my head. this makes grief a tricky thing bc i can put things out of my mind + successfully distract myself, but then i think that maybe i distract myself too well and am not grieving enough. so i’ve also felt that numbness & have wondered those exact same things. it’s such a complex process & feeling that i’ve been having an interesting time exploring through writing. nice to know that i’m not alone 💓

another thing that’s been heavily on my mind is a theory by the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the creator of the five stages of grief. she said that all of our emotions come from two main emotions: love & fear. that at the base of all our complex feelings, these two things exist to rule over them. like you said, sadness & anger ARE diametrically linked, which is really a big part of what i wanted to show through this series. that it’s not just one incident but things compounding upon each other to create just a mess. ugh 😔 there’s a lot of growing that needs to be done here.

ahah honestly about the endings, that’s me too! that’s why i don’t read angst with sad endings AT ALL. it’s just not what i’m here for. i want to analyze painful, difficult emotions + the depths of human endurance but like, at the end of the day i want to have hope. i want to carry that thread of happiness that things can & will work out. so don’t worry, OC will not be dying here!!

she would never live it down..... LOL. she would look at his balls & feel sorry for YEARS pls. she’d bring him like ointment & he’d be like JUST LET IT GO ITS FINE while she’s panicking asdfkjafsd hahaha.

#this was such a thoughtful message?#seriously i really enjoyed reading it #it means so much that you connect with the series & that it can make you think about all these things 💓#rain reply #dreamers #moonlit throne

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hellyeahomeland · 4 years

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“Designated Driver” | Directed by Michael Offer, Cinematography by David Klein

Sara: If I had a dollar for every Homeland episode that opens with Carrie speed-walking while looking over her shoulder every four seconds… I would have about ten dollars.

Gail: The imagery of Carrie looking over her shoulder is very reminiscent of the pilot episode. The closer we get to the end of the show, the more it feels like we have come full circle.

Ashley: Hi everybody, I’m joining Director’s Chair for the very first time because I’m feeling left out. I have no idea what I’m talking about. Anyway, Carrie’s paranoid, and rightly so, but it’s not paranoia if the guy you’re in love with just stuck a needle in your neck.

Sara: I had to take a screenshot of this because this is Claire’s actual handwriting, and long-time readers of this website will know that it seriously bugs me when they try to pass off someone else’s handwriting as Carrie’s. Anyway, this is the real deal, people.

Gail: Another scene that shows a character versus a gang of three. Here the Pakistan Ambassador is up against Hayes, Zabel and Wellington... or is he? Wellington has inched closer to the inner circle of trust, but hasn’t quite made it behind the desk yet. If Hayes represents the center, only Zabel is on his side, while the both the American flag and Wellington are not.

Ashley: This shot, from above, has the same feeling of watching a bomb about to drop. The desk is the target. Will anybody in this room survive the fallout of what’s coming? (Please let it be Wellington.) (What even is coming?)

Sara: I love this shot because of the body language of the four men. Hayes and Zabel are both leaning forward in aggressive stances. Linus has his legs crossed, hand to his chin, thinking of new ways he’d like to be swallowed whole. The ambassador leans back, sort of resigned to this entire clusterfuck.

Ashley: The look on Balach’s face is so… everything. The furrowed brow, clenched jaw, and the intensity of his eyes — he’s barely holding it together, and his expression is pure murder.

Sara: I love this actor who plays Balach (Seear Kohi). He has been so great all season. I finally figured out this week that he looks surprisingly similar to Donald Glover. It’s been bugging me for weeks.

Gail: Balach is not faring as well as advisor to his new boss, (ugh) Jalal, as Wellington is to Hayes. I love the angle they chose for this scene. We see Balach from above and it gives the impression that he is looking down at Jalal, which based on his point of view, he most certainly is.

Gail: Carrie is back in the same place where President Warner thanked her and recognized her for all that she has done. Feels poignant that she shares this moment with Worley back at Bagram. He put President Warner in that helicopter and indirectly, so did she.

Sara: IJLTP.

Sara: I feel like Jenna’s entire storyline really paid off this episode. I loved this detail of her hand shaking when Mike mentions the ops team in the Pakistani jail.

Ashley: Jenna’s been a wildcard all season and this episode humanized her in a very real way. I don’t want more Homeland, but I would be interested in Jenna’s story moving forward. So she’s probably gonna die.

Gail: Jenna’s got a long way to go in her training at the Carrie Mathison Spy School if a little treason gets her this nervous.

Sara: This is such a cool shot. There is an identical one of Quinn in “Iron in the Fire,” which was also directed by Michael Offer.

Sara: This shot reminds me of two things:

that moment in the cartoon How the Grinch Stole Christmas when everyone wakes up and their houses are completely bare.

that moment in “Super Powers” when Carrie paces back and forth, weighing her next move and hesitating, after Jonas leaves.

Everything this season is reminding me of something else, not in a bad way!

Gail: It reminds me of a surveillance shot with the camera mounted up high, giving a full view of the room. We don’t know it at the time, but maybe this is a subtle nod to Carrie being under surveillance while looking for Yevgeny, who finds her with Arman, her designated driver, a short time later.

Ashley: This reminds me of “A False Glimmer,” actually. Carrie returning home to her apartment, mostly expecting Jonas to be gone, but calling his name anyway — ultimately opening a closet to find his things still there; and she’s reassured of his presence. She didn’t expect to find Yevgeny here, but he’s left nothing. The disappointment, to me, reflects her relief at finding that Jonas hadn’t left.

Gail: Ugh, Jonas.

Sara: Yay, Jonas.

Sara: I love the reveal of the other Russian officials seated around the ambassador, watching his phone call with Saul. It’s such an ominous setup.

Gail: Such a great reveal! Very interesting choice to keep the people in the background, out of focus, in this shot. Feels symbolic--the audience can’t see what’s coming, and neither can Saul.

Sara: I stan this friendship.

Gail: My theory that everything goes to hell every time someone smiles still holds.

Ashley: It’s amazing to me that Carrie still has people who are so loyal to her. Don’t they know better?

Gail: Well, Arman is still alive, so, no.

Sara: This Carrie/Yevgeny scene is so great. I love the way it shifts as Carrie processes what Yevgeny is asking for her--as she says later, making an offer she has no choice but to accept. You can see her cycle through the stages of grief: denial that the asset exists, anger that Yevgeny is asking her to do this, bargaining with him (she’ll do anything else), depression when she realizes she has to do it, and finally acceptance.

Gail: Interesting that they had her cycle through the stages of grief. It must mean something is gone that she’ll never get back. The choreography of Carrie walking away from Yevgeny and turning her back on him as she processes what he’s just said is telling too. Not only is he not on her side, he just became her Russian handler.

Ashley: It’s a dreamy shot too, everything blurred behind her, but we’ve really found ourselves in Carrie’s worst nightmare.

Gail: Sorry, Jalal. Yevgeny has already trademarked that lean.

Sara: There was a lot of imagery involving children this episode, which I find very interesting. Here Jalal is literally training young boys to shoot and kill. It gives a new sense of hopelessness to the entire situation. As Balach says, they’re inviting more endless war, and they’re lining up their next generation of soldiers.

Gail: Saul’s body language has continued to morph into a submissive and defeated posture. The stress this man is under makes me worried for his health. A person can only take so much before they break and it seems like Saul is almost there.

Sara: Me watching this damn show.

Ashley: I second.

Sara: I found this moment where Carrie observes the two young girls playing to be especially poignant and a very Homelandian detail. It immediately calls to mind Franny, or, as Gail said on the podcast, the various little girls we see in the opening credits each week, versions of Carrie who have grown up watching war and conflict play out on her television screen.

Sara: Carrie using her earring to remove the SIM card in her phone is such a Carrie thing to do and I have to stan on that one.

Gail: I love the detail because it’s also a callback to Allison in season five when she “tears down her comms” while going into full flight.

Sara: The expression in Carrie’s face here, as she turns herself in, also strikes me as one of grief. To be patted down by soldiers, to have to utter the words “I’m Carrie Mathison. I’m wanted by the FBI”... for a patriot like Carrie, we know this is her absolute worst nightmare.

Gail: I agree. I think Carrie is devastated that it’s all come to this but she also looks resolute. Her gaze is determined and steady, and her movements are calculated. Her line to Saul keeps echoing in my ears: “I did what had to be done.”

Sara: I found a lot of parallels between Carrie’s and Balach’s situations in this episode. Maybe Balach finding his two sons was meant to mirror Carrie seeing those two girls earlier. They act ultimately for those children.

Ashley: The horror at finding his children on-site — I find it hard to believe that Balach didn’t know what this meant at the very second he saw it. He, too, goes through the stages of grief at record speed.

Gail: Ashley’s right, Balach goes through the same stages of grief as Carrie. It’s clearer what Balach is losing in this moment and never getting back: his life. Is that true of Carrie as well?

Gail: Carrie’s cool demeanor versus Jenna’s anxiousness sets up such a powerful scene between them. The coloring of the room is cool, too, done in trademark Homeland blue and gray.

Sara: This is quite a role reversal. Now Jenna towers over Carrie; still, Carrie ends up maintaining the upper hand. I loved this scene and how it paid off the season-long quasi-mentorship between them. Carrie has been teaching her lessons all season, just teaching them the hard way.

Sara: Carrie being on the other side of the interrogation table is not something I ever thought I’d see on this show.

Gail: Carrie’s posture is confident. She is sitting upright, head tilted slightly forward. Her hands are under the desk, revealing nothing. Carrie has probably been in a million interrogations and knows how to play the game.

Gail: So many emotions play across Saul’s face here. We’ve seen Carrie and Balach cycle through the five stages of grief this episode, both of them having their cycles shown within one scene. Saul on the other hand has cycled through his stages over the course of the episode, ending with acceptance in this conversation with Wellington.

Sara: It’s ironic that in the episode where Saul finally steps up to acknowledge the ways in which he’s used Carrie over the years but can’t turn on her now, she makes the crucial decision to potentially betray him. There is a great contrast between Linus’ motives--about optics and politics--and Saul’s--which ultimately boil down to loyalty.

Ashley: I never thought I’d see Sara talking about how Saul’s motives boil down to loyalty, but 2020 is a helluva year.

Sara: IJLTP.

Gail: It looks like a chess board. If Mike thinks he put the Queen in check, he’s got another thing coming.

Sara: Carrie looks stun-ning here. (Requisite acknowledgement of yet another scene where Carrie is filmed from outside a car window.)

Gail: I love this storytelling device the show uses to give us a window into Carrie’s current emotional state. What’s great about this shot specifically for me is the familiar jazz music from Homeland’s opening credits that softly plays in the background as Carrie is being brought home almost a full year later. It’s the first time we’ve heard jazz music in a scene with Carrie all season long. We can see reflections in the window, but over Carrie, the glass is crystal clear. Earlier in the episode Carrie says she can’t see a way out of the hole she’s dug for herself. But just as the glass here is crystal clear, so is Carrie. She knows what she must do.

Sara: Gail, a “window into Carrie’s current emotional state”... literally!

Sara: Love the “GOODBYE PAKISTAN” sign as we’re leaving this setting and returning to America the homeland for the final two episodes.

Ashley: The “GOODBYE PAKISTAN” is interesting because it is in English. Obviously this is for the viewers, but it comes off like a warning.

Gail: It is most definitely a warning. Look at what awaits them on the other side.

Sara: This scene was so stunningly shot. It reminded me a lot of Brody’s tape from “Marine One” and Carrie’s from “Why Is This Night Different?”

Gail: The details were all crafted so well too. From the prop department and set designers, to the moving score from Sean Callery, to the beautiful writing, to the performance from Seear Kohi. Balach accepted his fate in the earlier scene with Jalal, and now he is resolved to do what needs to be done.

Gail: I mentioned this on the podcast, but good Lord does this woman give great side eye. This is the exact same look I give my kids when they say they don’t have homework. I stan.

Sara: Gail, you’re so right. Vanessa Kroll gives excellent side eye.

Gail: Parker, the character shown here, also cycles through the five stages of grief.

Sara: It’s not just Carrie who’s been trapped. The special ops team being literally trapped inside the bus, desperately yelling to be let out, was especially heartbreaking. This season, the show has portrayed multiple characters--major and minor--who are trapped in an endless cycle of war, prisoners of their own ideas and the system in which they operate.

Ashley: There is also just the fact that people are physically entrapped consistently — but they can still see what’s outside. Being able to see things and not stop them or escape them… it’s kind of a motif in this show, amped up to 1000 this season.

Gail: And now, acceptance of a fate he can’t escape.

Sara: This entire sequence was expertly edited, the shouts and commotion drowned out by Sean Callery’s excellent score. Weirdly there is a sense of quiet to it all.

I appreciate the contrast between these two reactions. Parker looks at the bomb barreling toward him and seems to have a sense of acceptance about his fate. Jenna, meanwhile, mostly out of harm’s way, ducks behind a car and her expression is one of fear.

Sara: This final moment where Balach lets out an excruciating scream as flashes of his crying sons play across the scene is heartbreaking. He dies so that they can live. I thought it was--ironically-quite beautiful.

Ashley: Agree that it was beautiful, but it’s terrible insofar as his children are going to grow up under Jalal’s rule. They will never see the peace that their father wanted; they will never even know that’s what he wanted. Balach didn’t have a choice, but his legacy is now embedded in terrorism — not peace.

Gail: Balach had a choice, he chose his family. From their perspective, he’s a hero.

Gail: The symbols on the side of the bus are symbols on the Pakistani flag. The star symbolizes light and knowledge, the crescent moon symbolizes progress. Quite a contrast to the people being held prisoner within.

Sara: The split second before it happens -- the palms pressed against the bus windows is a breathtaking image.

Gail: We don’t need a car window to locate Carrie emotionally now. She’s looking straight ahead, and like Balach in the car, begins her journey to the end.

Sara: The parallel to Carrie in the airplane is an unexpected one, but it fits. She has the same look of resolve in her eyes as Balach. She knows what she must do. She’s blowing up her life in her own way, setting a match to it all. Is she a martyr, or is she a traitor? This scene fits between a cut to white and a cut to black, and that’s where Carrie has always been: in the grey, searching.

Ashley: God help me.

#homeland #homelandedit #designated driver #*#michael offer #in the director's chair #by: sara #by: gail #by: ashley

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 5 years

Note

OOOH reddie + 27 (support group AU)

support group au - AFIOS AU

(if anyone wants this to become a full fic, please please let me know!)

*Click link to read on AO3

* * * * *

With a huff, Eddie slammed the car door shut, ignoring his father’s encouraging words as he dragged his oxygen tank towards the Community Centre. After weeks of doctors appointments and talks with his parents it had been decided that the best thing for his mental health would be to attend a local support group. Never in Eddie’s eighteen years of life did he want to attend a support group, but now it seemed as though he had no other choice.

You see, when Eddie was five years old, he was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Over the years, it had spread into his lungs and therefore caused him to have to carry around an oxygen tank in order for him to breathe. It was a nuisance for sure, but it was better than dying, he supposed.

Which he was eventually going to be. Dead, that is.

That was the whole point of him attending this group. He had been thinking way too much about the possibility of death that his father believed he was depressed. Which he was not, thank you very much. The answer was simple, he had finally reached the ‘acceptance’ stage of the five stages of grief. He knew that he was going to die, it was all just a matter of when.

He stepped inside the building and made his way to the elevator, only to realise that it was occupied. The man, who was in a wheelchair, began to make a motion forward so Eddie could fit in but he shook his head. “It’s okay, I’ll take the stairs,” he smiled and turned around, only to collide with another person. “Oh, sorry!”

The stranger he bumped into put their hands on Eddie’s shoulders to steady them, and Eddie looked up, meeting the dark eyes of a very attractive male. The man’s eyes were glinting, a smirk on his lips as he stepped back, out of Eddie’s personal space, “No problem, sweetheart. It’s all good.”

Eddie felt his cheeks heat up momentarily, but before he could respond to the flirty comment, the guy was heading towards the stairs. As he passed the door, he bumped into the wooden panel of the door, stumbling a little before he composed himself, disappearing up the steps. Eddie felt a smile grace his own lips and he took a few seconds before he followed him, climbing the stairs to the room where the meeting would be taking place.

Chairs were gathered in a circle and most people had already arrived, leaving only a few seats spare. Not wanting to walk too far, and in case he needed to make a quick exit, Eddie sat on the first chair by the door, next to a blonde haired girl and a boy with birds on his t-shirt.

The man from earlier was sitting almost directly across from Eddie, staring at him with a grin on his lips and Eddie had to force himself not to stare back. However it was almost impossible, the man’s eyes were staring so intently that Eddie could feel them. So he did the only thing he could think of, he stared back and raised his eyebrows…almost like a challenge.

Before anything else could happen, the support group leader stood up, clapping his hands and greeting everyone with a quick introduction of himself for the sake of the new members of the group, like Eddie himself. Once he was done rambling, he opened discussion up to the group. “Now who wants to go first?”

Silence.

“I’ll go,” The boy next to Eddie sighed, standing up and Eddie watched as the stranger gave him a thumbs up. Oh, so they knew each other. “Hi, my name is Stan and I’ve got Intraocular melanoma, which is the most common type of eye cancer.” He ran his hands through his hair. “When I was ten I had my right eye removed and replaced with a glass one, and soon I’ll be going into surgery to remove the other one…so after that I’ll just be completely blind. Which sucks but it’s better than the cancer I suppose.” He smiled at the group. “But I’m grateful because I have a great family and amazing friends like Richie here,” he pointed to the stranger and Eddie perked up. “Who really help me out when I need it.”

The leader smiled and leaned forward, “We’re here for you Stan.” His words were repeated by the rest of the support group and Eddie fought the urge to gag at how cliche it all was. His thoughts were interrupted once again by the leader. “How about you, Richie?”

“Me?” Richie laughed nervously, rubbing a hand behind his neck and he stood up, glancing around the room. His eyes met Eddie’s and they lingered there for a few moments before he moved on. “My name is Richie Tozier, I’m nineteen years old and a couple years ago I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, and as a result I lost my right leg.” Eddie’s eyes widened a little as Richie leaned down and tugged up his pants, showing his prosthetic leg to the group. “I’ve been in remission for six months now and I feel great!” He winked in Eddie’s direction and he ducked his head.

The leader simply smiled and placed his hands on his legs, “Wouldn’t you like to share your fears with the group?”

Richie paused for a moment before he looked back over in Eddie’s direction, meeting his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon. “Oblivion.” Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes, settling back in his chair as he held back a scoff. “You see, I intend to live an extraordinary life. To be remembered. So yeah, my fear is oblivion, of there being nothing out there after this.” With that, he took a seat, eyes still watching Eddie.

“Okay…” The leader nodded his head. “Does anyone in the group have anything else they want to say to that.”

Against his better judgement, Eddie raised a hand and stood up, “I just want to add that there will come a time when all of us are dead. There was a time before humans and there will be a time after. It could be tomorrow or a million years from now and when it does there will be no-one around to remember President Kennedy or Cleopatra or Mozart never mind any of us. Basically, what I’m trying to say that oblivion is inevitable and if that scares you well…I suggest you ignore it. It’s what everyone else does.”

There was an awkward silence in the room as Eddie returned to his seat and the leader of the group let out a large exhale, “Well…thank you Eddie for that great advice. Anyone else?”

And with that, the group continued.

* * * * *

When the meeting was over, everyone left the room slowly, some staying to chat with others but Eddie wasn’t one of them. He wanted out of there as quickly as possible. As the fresh air hit him he sucked in as deep of a breath as he could muster, looking around for his dad’s car but sighed when he could see it.

“Hey…” Eddie turned his head around to see the form of Richie approaching him, lips turned up in a smile. He stopped a few feet away from him. “First time at a support group?” He asked.

Eddie nodded his head, lifting a hand to adjust his oxygen, “How can you tell?”

Richie just laughed and leaned against the wall behind him. “What’s your name?” His voice was soft and it almost took Eddie by surprise.

“Eddie.”

“Nah, what’s your full name?” Richie pressed and Eddie stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, cheeks turning a little red.

“Eddie Kaspbrak…” His voice trailed off as he stared at Richie in confusion. Instead of replying, Richie just stared at him, just like he did back in the support group. “Why…why are you staring at me like that?”

Richie broke into a wide grin, “Because you’re beautiful, and I like to admire beautiful things.”

A scoff passed Eddie’s lips and he turned his head away, “Oh my god.”

“You see, Eddie Kaspbrak, I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence, especially since you so stupidly pointed out, we’re all going to die pretty soon,” Richie grinned cheekily, still staring into Eddie’s very soul.

Eddie just glanced away, rolling his eyes a little as Richie’s words settled in his brain, “I’m flattered really, but I’m not-”

Richie interrupted him with another grin, “Let’s go watch a movie or something. It’s 3pm on a Saturday and I really do not fancy going home this early.”

“I mean- maybe we could sometime this week?” Eddie offered but Richie shook his head.

“No, no I mean right now. Come on,” Richie grinned, reaching into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He pulled one out and popped it between his lips. Just like that, any possibility of forming a friendship with Richie went out the window.

“Ugh, seriously? That’s disgusting!” He spat, crossing his arms. “Do you think that it’s cool or something? Because I can tell you right now that it’s not. It’s so far from cool. You just ruined this whole thing.”

Even though Eddie was seeping with rage, Richie was still smiling at him, cheekily he might add, “The whole thing?”

Eddie glared, letting out a long exhale, “Yes! I mean you had cancer! You survived and yet you decide to give your money away to a cooperation that would help you acquire more cancer! Not being able to breath sucks!”

Richie was still grinning and it was beginning to get on his nerves. “Eds, you know that they don’t actually hurt you unless you light them right?”

Suddenly, all the anger he was feeling melted away and he looked at Richie with confusion in his eyes, “What?”

“I’ve never actually lit one. It’s a metaphor you see. I put the thing that does the killing right between my teeth, but never actually give it the power to kill me. See? Metaphor.” He cleared his throat. “So how about that movie?”

Just at that moment, his dad’s car pulled into the parking lot and he waved in his direction. Eddie now had two choices, go home and lock himself away in his room like he did every other night, or take up Richie on his offer and go see a movie with him. Not wanting to spend another Saturday alone in his room, he smiled and turned to Richie.

“Okay.”

* * * * *

taglist:

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-trashmouth @fucking-reddie @strange-reddie-loser @eds-kas @propertyofthelosersclub @its-stranger-than-you-think @yes-dillman-yes @totaltozier @reddietofall @reddietofight @reddie-to-fight @hypnoidvoid @imeddie @reddie-eddie-spaghettie @bitchbrak @reddieways @maximusfraker @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @thejadeazalea @reddie-eddie-spaghetti @halfway-happy353 @ellomello16 @lili-back-from-the-dead @tinyarmedtrex @cacti-cool @inthebreadbinwrites @kat-ships-everything @takeourpure @lo-v-ers @mrs-vh @studpuffin @aizeninlefox @reddie-for-anything @adhdtozier @trashmouthtozierr @shaszam @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @mars-14 @hawkinsbabe @reddiesetandgo @marsisaplanetyall

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #afios au #writing tag

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normal-thoughts-official · 5 years

Text

Magnus’ Life Story Told By Queen Songs

listen to the resulting playlist on youtube | spotify (kindly done by the beautiful @biconicfinn ugh thank you so much)

more babble insight on the song choices under the cut

Rain Must Fall: I think this song is the most appropriate to start the playlist with because, really - there’s so much more to Magnus than meets the eye, and RMF captures that perfectly. A song about someone who is perceived as vain and as having a perfect, almost careless life - who seems to have everything together, is rich, is powerful, has all they want. And the song hints at that being as much of a construed facade as it is for Magnus - "you want a clean reputation” - and at the person being seen as too much, not serious about anything - “others seen to think you’re over dramatizing” - but really, his life is full of pain. A lot of rain has fallen, even if other people are uncapable of seeing it, even if he tries so hard to build this put-together, uncaring persona - Magnus’ life and story is all about pain and abuse and difficulties. And in the end, that’s the center of the song as well

Bohemian Rhapsody: I SWEAR I tried not to. I mean, not too hard, but I did try. But the constant cries for “mama” in the song? The “didn’t mean to make you cry”? The “just killed a man” and “nothing really matters”? The confusion that the song expresses, the fear, the going back and forth? The anger that he expresses (”so you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die?”) that ultimately goes back to regret and the notion that “nothing really matters”? The cries to be let go? This song is such a good portrayal of what he must have felt like when he killed his stepfather; the anger at being lashed out at, at his violence towards him, but also the regret and the feeling that he never wanted to hurt anybody; mixed in with the fear now that he’s alone and on the streets and has no one and it’s almost like some sort of self-punishment (”goodbye everybody, I’ve got to go / gotta leave you all behind and face the truth”). Yeah. This is him immediately after he managed to escape, the rush of conflicting emotions, fear, anger, regret, and the hopelessness and loss that comes with it.

All Dead, All Dead: That songs fits Magnus for many reasons, the most obvious of which being his immortality; but really, what it makes me think the most about is the loss of Magnus’ mother. And yes, I know that this was technically before the stepfather thing, but from Magnus’ point of view it’s almost like it was after, because his stepfather tried to murder him so fast he only had time to deal with the grief and sorrow later. I also know it’s weird because for some reason Brian May decided it would be a brilliant idea to add words like “lover” and “sweeter half” on a song about his cat, but really the point is to lose someone that was like a part of you, that you never thought you would, or at least not so soon. Also, the lines “Her ways are always with me / I wander all the while / But please you must forgive me / I am old but still a child”. Magnus’ carried his loss with him forever and, even after all the pain he’s been through, still considers her loss one of the worst. And in many senses, he’s still the scared child who was left alone, with nothing but the sense of failure and that this is somehow his fault (”And alone I’m spared”), and deeply depressed and lost, not knowing what to do, where to go, who to ask for help. Making him perfectly vulnerable, just in time for Asmodeus to come in.

Flick of The Wrist: This is an almost scarily accurate depiction of what his years with Asmodeus were like. I’m gonna go ahead and say that you might want to skip this one if you’re particularly sensitive when it comes to violence, because this song makes some mentions of violent acts that are metaphorical, but that become...... less metaphorical in this context. But anyway, from the mention of “simply with those eyes” and the magical undertones of the name of the song itself, this portrays perfectly Asmodeus’ almost beautiful cruelty. It also perfectly encompasses the fact that he’s manipulative and is trying to all but brainwash Magnus, who in this context would be the “you” the song sings to - Asmodeus’ primary victim. “Don’t look back, don’t look back”, forget about your years before this, forget about your humanity, don’t try to regain what you had because this is your life now and you should do nothing but belong to him; “Intoxicate your brain with what I’m saying, if not, you’re lying in deep trouble”; “Let me squeeze you until you’ve dried”; all lines that clearly show his using and abuse of Magnus, of his pain and his confusion as a kid who’s just lost his mother and doesn’t know who he is or what is happening, and who’s put in even more pain because he doesn’t know who to trust. And when the song ends, abruptly, with the line “baby you’ve been had,” the obviousness of his manipulation seems clear, yet surprising; a truth so clear it’s unbearable to grasp.

Keep Yourself Alive: this one’s pretty through-and-through; there’s not much to say, and that’s one of the reasons why I think it resonates so well with people with depression, and how I see Magnus’ first post-Asmodeus years; a daze, without much to talk about except for this sharp need to stay alive and the promise that eventually you’ll have built yourself up enough to keep going; but for now, surviving is all you can do, and it demands nearly all your energy. Magnus needed to figure out who he was, heal from all the abuse from Asmodeus, from his stepfather, with the grief for his mother that he didn’t really get to deal with before, and to build something for himself despite all of it. But it’s a slow, and hard process.

It’s a Hard Life: I’m gonna ignore the “I don’t want my freedom” bit because I think Magnus, after all he’s been through, knows better than anyone how precious and important freedom is - anyone who’s been abused does. But now that I think about it there’s also the fact that Magnus seems to care very little about his well-being and has put his freedom, his life, and everything that matters to him on the line many times for others, so you could argue that this part is a good symbolization of how he does sacrifice his freedom, while perfectly knowing that that’s what makes his entire being, for love - except it’s not necessarily romantic love. So that is wonderful to think about! But anyway, It’s A Hard Life is, yes, a break-up song, but most importantly it’s about loneliness and the inevitability of it, and that’s why I think it fits Magnus. Magnus is gonna lose the people he loves - it’s inevitable. It’s a hard life because it is hard for him to connect with people, not only because of his immortality, but because of his pain, because he’s been used so many time, because he’s been betrayed and abused, because he doesn’t believe himself worthy of love and care. There’s just so much that seems to be between him and the rest of the world, this wall that’s almost impossible to overcome, and that keeps him feeling abandoned and deserving of it (”I’ve only got myself to blame”), while also fiercely, desperately wanting to love and be loved.

Somebody To Love: this might be the song that best fits Magnus’ character, honestly. It’s a song about longing, and hoping, to find love not only for himself, but to give, as well. It is, again, about loneliness, about feeling like you don’t have any real connections with the world and about craving that desperately; yet the focus isn’t on the pain of it, on the need to be loved, but rather, on the need to love. And Magnus is just so full of love; he adopts marginalised people he finds, he tries to help everyone in his path, even when he puts his own life in danger or he doesn’t agree with what’s being done; he’s always taking care of his friends, he’s found himself a new family, and he even takes care and all but adopts strangers; he’s all about loving and giving himself to others, and yet there’s a part of him that’s closed off and that doesn’t allow itself, or doesn’t believe to have, that connection, that mutual trust and helping and loving. It’s funny, because the fact that he feels so lonely and unloved is precisely the reason he’s anything but: he’s got so many friends who care about him and love him, but he closes off to them. He doesn’t have a problem with giving love; he craves it so much he’s all but throwing it around, desperate for someone to pick it - but at the same time he won’t allow himself to go beyond a certain point, and so he still feels like he’s got no one, and the cycle goes on. It’s also interesting to note that Somebody To Love is an extremely sad song when it comes to lyrics. It’s almost painfully raw, the cry for help, the crushing despair of unwanted loneliness. Yet, the song is upbeat, intense and almost fun. The sadness of the lyrics is almost drowned by the rush and fun of the song’s melody, and that’s also a good metaphor for this constant game Magnus plays of being so vulnerable, yet trying so hard to show himself as vain, simple, fun, almost shallow - in the sense that there’s not much to look into. When really, he’s anything but.

Who Wants To Live Forever: Pretty self-explanatory; a song about an immortal being who’s desperate with the grief of constantly losing those he loves. Unlike all the other songs, that I fully believe to be among Magnus’ favorites, I think he wouldn’t listen to WWTLF, at least not unless he’s in a very specific mood, because it hits so close to home it’s almost unbearable.

‘39: Following that headcanon, I think ‘39 would be the song he’d listen to when the Immortality Blues hit; it’s got the same theme - the loss of being the sole survivor of a time that doesn’t exist anymore, losing the people you love - while having a different enough context to not be as gut-punching as WWTLF would be (for those who don’t know, ‘39 is about the crew of a spaceship that come back from exploration to find out that everyone they knew was dead, because more time has passed on Earth than it has on space). Also, it’s nicer to listen to.

Save Me: an almost inevitable conclusion to the pain of the other songs; save me is about being unable to deal with loss and wanting desperately to be cared for, taken care of. “I’m naked and I’m far from home” perfectly captures the despair that Magnus feels from being so out of his time, of his element, of being so lonely and dealing with so much grief. Save Me also represents the vulnerability he’s found himself in after all these years of trying to cope by closing off and giving more than he can take; to me it is the song for Magnus right before he met Camille. It even begins with the promise of a good love (”they said we made a perfect pair”), and even though that is quickly shattered and shown to be unattainable, the cry for help from this person still prevails over the pain she brings him. The part “I’ll erase the memories to start off again with somebody new” also makes me think of how, up to this point, Magnus had been jumping from lover to lover, trying to take the good memories and starting over and over, knowing it will end somewhere at the same point; but instead of accepting it or somehow concealing it, this is the point where the loss becomes unbearable, and he ends up once again vulnerable enough to be easy to manipulate and abuse.

(WARNING: NEXT SONG WILL CONTAIN VERY TRIGGERING CONTENT RELATED TO ABUSE AND S*ICIDAL IDEATION)

Don’t Try Suicide: complementary to the right-before-Camille stage of his life; it is kind of implied that Magnus’ relationship with Camille was kind of started off by her “saving” him in that bridge in London; at the time, Magnus was feeling impossibly alone and worthless, and she showed up, saving him just like he had been claiming for somebody to, and telling him not to go this route, that there were better ways - while simultaneously reminding him that he doesn’t matter (”Don’t try suicide / Nobody gives a damn”) and using this so-called “saving” both to belittle him and make him feel like he owes her, and to make herself somehow the victim of Magnus’ bad mental health (“Think you're gonna slash your wrists / This time / Baby when you do it all you do is / Get on my tits”). Yeah actually scratch that, this song is the Camille stage, not the right-before-Camille. It perfectly encompasses how he used his bad state of mind to make him feel even worse and manipulate him into believing he would have no one but her.

In The Lap Of The Gods: Still going strong on the Camille theme, LOTG is a song about an unhealthy, dependent relationship, where a person tries too hard to please the other in the hopes of getting the love they crave (”Anything you ask I do for you”, “I live my life for you”) but doesn’t feel like that makes them deserving of love or even like it will secure their love; instead, they “leave it in the lap of the gods”, like even before all of that dedication all they can do is hope for the best. It’s an almost painfully accurate depiction of what an abusive romantic relationship feels like, and I have no doubts that Magnus’ relationship with Camille was also on those terms. “You don’t do well, losing those you love,” Camille knew his biggest fear would have been of losing her and used this to keep him close and have him do what she wanted. While I don’t believe she used Magnus for Evil Purposes (this isn’t really supported by canon, if you look at the way he argues that Camille wasn’t always bad, ie didn’t always do the crazy shit she does. Of course, she clearly wasn’t since she was an abuser, but if she had made Magnus do Evil Stuff I don’t think he would talk about her like that. Also, after Asmodeus, I don’t think Magnus ever would let himself be put in a situation where he’s used to hurt others. He cares too much) she still had him wrapped around her finger and probably used that to humiliate him and feel better about herself. Really, it’s all a game of power to her. But I digress. Anyway the point here is that Magnus was clearly the one giving his all in this relationship, and getting nothing in return but a vague hope that it would eventually be enough.

I Can’t Live With You: another almost painful description of what abuse feels like. It’s pretty self explanatory - that feeling that someone is tearing you apart, destroying your life to the point of being unbearable, but that at the same time without them you’re nothing. This song is the conflict that Magnus feels, knowing that Camille is hurting him, but still feeling like she’s his only option and that he owes her (”but baby, I’ll never, ever leave you”) because she “saved” his life, because she gave him something that at least resembles love and he ached for any scrapes he could. And ultimately deciding to stay and that he can’t live without her - until, of course, he eventually didn’t, but in this song he’s not yet reached that point. It’s also worth noting that the way it ends, an almost perfect repetition of the beginning that slowly fades away, gives the impression that it’s a never ending cycle, and that this internal battle isn’t really over by what seems to be the ending decision to stay - rather, it will keep starting over and over again, until eventually it doesn’t.

Let Me Live: yup, we’re STILL going on about Camille. Although really, I think this song applies to Magnus in a greater sense - it’s another one of those songs that just grasp what he’s about as a character. Let Me Live is about giving people your all, your heart and soul and life, and getting nothing in return. Really, it’s what Magnus always does - if not because people are actively assholes to him, then it’s because he won’t allow himself to be cared for, to be seen in all of his vulnerability, “ugly sides” and all, to cry in front of people he loves and to be anything that might be considered a “nuisance”; he lies that he’s fine constantly so as not take up other people’s times, and that just puts him in the same position. It also hints at having this being weaponized (”why don’t you take another little piece of my life / why don’t you twist it, and turn it / and cut it like a knife”). But it is, ultimately, the idea of wanting to be free from all of that, of understanding that this will get you nowhere; let me live is a cry for freedom and for being allowed to cut toxic people out of your life; it’s about wanting to breathe, and beginning to understand that this won’t be possible with them in it.

I Want To Break Free: BYE CAMILLE! Good riddance! Bitch.

Too Much Love Will Kill You: I KNOW this song is about cheating and how Brian is, like, the REAL victim of his own cheating, but just, just, hear me out. If you ignore the “you’re the victim of your crime”, “can’t you see that it’s impossible to choose” and “torn between the lover” bits, it’s way too easy to completely reinterpret this song as being about, well, loving too much and that being your downfall. And that is such a great description of Magnus and his character. He gives love so freely, tries to help everyone around him, and looks desperately for love and acceptance; but it only brings him pain, because he allows people to give him nothing in return. “I’ve been facing this alone for much too long”; “you never read the signs” (of abuse, of his mom being suicidal, of asmodeus, of camille, of his own self sabotage); “every way I go I’m bound to lose”, because if he loves, he gets hurt, and if he doesn’t, the loneliness and craving makes him crazy; or, in the words of the song, “too much love will kill you, just as sure as not at all”; “you’d give your life, you’d sell your soul, but here it [the heartbreak, the pain] comes again”. It’s way too easy to look at it through Magnus Bane lenses, and if it weren’t for the cheating part, I’d say this is the song that fits him best along with Somebody To Love. It’s not just about abuse, it’s also about his self sacrificing tendencies, about his self sabotage and hopelessness. In here, it ultimately represents his post-Camille decision to take a break from romantic love, from trying to find the solution to his pain in it; but that also meant closing off even further for a while, curating a persona and trying to hide away from others.

Killer Queen: This is his persona, in a lot of ways; sophisticated, sensuous, almost vain. I also like the “extraordinarily nice” bit, because... Yeah. Despite all of it, he’s still going around, helping others, adopting people, helping the asshole shadowhunters who treat him like shit and expecting very little in return.

...Doing All Right: Eventually, Magnus heals. He lets go a little of the notion of being unloved and uncared for, finds himself a family and starts to allow himself to be supported by them as well as support them. It’s a slow process, but eventually, he starts to do better. He’s not there yet, but he’s got a feeling he’ll be alright son.

Living On My Own: Magnus is a lonely guy. That’s one of the first things we learn about him when he’s actually introduced (not counting the pandemonium scene, because again, facade). He’s got a huge apartment and he’s always alone in there; he’s locked himself away from love; there’s a deep vulnerability in him, one that’s surprisingly clear to see when he’s outside of the club atmosphere; he’s willing to risk his own life for a necklace because it has emotional value to him; he gets attached and wants to protect people - he likes Clary because she helped save a little girl and he’s extremely upset when Elias dies. Living On My Own encompasses everything about all of this, while simultaneously being almost upbeat, almost hiding the pain in the song while simultaneously being obvious about it; and that’s just Magnus all over. I would also like to draw attention to the verse “sometimes I feel like I’m always walking too fast”; the idea that he keeps going and leaves others behind seems very fitting for someone who’s immortal and has no choice but to go on, even if it’s alone. In here, this song represents the loneliness and wanting to be found and have company; the slow reopening to others that sets the stage for new things (and people) to come into his life.

Play The Game: Play The Game is a song about precisely that; opening up to love (again). Letting go of the fear of being hurt (”rest your weary head and let your heart decide”) and just allowing yourself to feel, to give yourself to be cared for, which he hasn’t for years - and still doesn’t completely, as we can see on seasons 2 and 3 in his relationship with Alec. But still, he’s trying, and he’s ready for it. This song is when he meets Alec, and, funnily enough, applies to that both in the sense of being about Magnus opening up, and in the sense that isn’t all that exactly what he told Alec when they first met? “Open up your mind and let me step inside”; “don’t play hard to get”; “it’s a free world”. I had never noticed before how he’s telling Alec everything he’s been trying to tell himself as well, that it’s okay to love, that there shouldn’t be fear for others, that opening up is good in the end. Ugh. I hate my life.

Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy: We’re ending this playlist on a positive note, folks! Finally, some good fucking food. GOFLB is a feel-good, upbeat song about showing and receiving love, and it’s beautifully theatrical, fun and dramatic. I’ve said before, to anyone who would listen, that Magnus would adore his song and probably lipsync to it a lot, because he’s such a beautiful lovable dork, and yeah. This song is both about who he is - because he is a good old fashioned lover boy, full of love to give and who wants to care for others - but it’s also about what he wants - someone who’s willing to take care of him, romance him. And guess what, bitch, he found that! He found that in Alec, in his “when I’m staring into the eyes of the man that I love”, his beautiful dinner and almost ridiculously matter-of-fact displays of romanticism, of caring, of showing love. He’s found someone who’s willing to go to hell and back (literally) for him, who wants to romance him, who treasures and cherishes him. Ugh. Gay rights.

BONUS:

Princes Of The Universe: this is funny because it doesn’t really fits Magnus’ character, but it also kind of does. This is who Magnus could have been; powerful, on top of his game, legitimately confident. He has the blood of kings, he is immortal, he has the power beyond our comprehension that the song talks about; but he’s never really been this confident, he’s never come to be the ruler of anyone’s world; he’s just an ordinary guy, who wants to form bonds, to have people on his side, to feel loved and to overcome his insecurities. He doesn’t want to conquer the world, but he could have, and would probably do good things with it, too.

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #meta #overflowing trashcan #malec #yup i went very overboard with this #immortal squad #magnus bane meta #sh meta

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