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glowinggator · 2 years

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My Cosmos is Mine

Request: Hello! Are you still doing ROTTMNT requests? If you are can you please do jealous headcanons for the turtles or mud dogs? Or both? I really like your style and stories btw ♡

A/N: My god, I finally watched the movie after a year of it being out. I blame college & work. We do a little trolling ♡ Turtles in this one!

Includes: Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo

Leonardo

7/10 at worst, 2/10 at best.

Leo is… complicated. He’s not possessive by any means, and he trusts you a lot! But he lives to be in the spotlight (ESPECIALLY when it comes to you). So when your attention is taken away from him, he gets a bit huffy. Like come on babe, they can’t be that funny.

But usually, that’s as far as it goes. He’ll usually just come up and throw an arm around your shoulders, make a few goofy, Leo-esque quips here and there. He’s a pretty friendly guy, and he’s honestly more likely to make friends with the other person… so long as they’re not crossing any boundaries.

But when someone’s actively hitting on you? That’s when he gets jealous. He doesn’t like to talk about it often, but he’s really insecure. I mean, that’s why he acts the way he does all the time: He doesn’t want to be forgotten, doesn’t want to be seen as useless, or incompetent. There’s a quiet part of him that thinks you deserve better, and that it's only a matter of time before you realize it. That voice gets damn-near deafening in moments like these. (Nevermind the whole mutant thing. What he wouldn’t give to take you out to your favorite restaurant top-side, or bask in the sunshine with you, or meet your friends-)

So yeah, people hitting on you freaks him the hell out. He tries not to show it, so instead he kicks up the PDA to 11.

Arm around the shoulders, obnoxious kisses to the cheek, etc. He tries to play it off nonchalantly, while still showing off that hey, you’re spoken for.

“Hey baby, been looking for you everywhere. So, what’re we talking about?”

Please kiss him later and talk it out. He trusts you so much, but he’s terrified that someday he’s not going to be enough anymore. A little bit of reassurance goes a long way though, and he’ll be back to his goofy self almost immediately afterwards.

(Jealousy with his brothers is different, but only by a little bit. That’s when he decides to show off his physical prowess and such, and dials the PDA up to a casual 14. The PDA dial is broken off the damn station, with him. He doesn’t hold any hard feelings over this regardless, he just likes to show off that you’re his. Dork.)

Raphael

3/10

Raphael is big on communication, and he trusts you immeasurably. It’s honestly really hard to make him jealous! I mean, you’re the greatest person he’s ever met — it’s only natural that other people wanna be around you too, you know?

Although, it doesn’t help that he doesn’t always pick up on when people are actually hitting on you. He wants to believe in the best in people, and sometimes he doesn’t pick up on when people are being just a little too friendly.

But if someone points it out, or if you seem uncomfortable? Raph has entered Protective Boyfriend Mode.

If someone is making you uncomfortable… he knows he’s big, and he’s not above squaring his shoulders back a bit in a silent, knock-it-the-fuck-off threat. If they keep pushing boundaries, he’s not afraid to make a scene.

Now if they’re just flirting? There’s a very quiet voice of insecurity in the back of his mind (Raph hates being alone, after all), but he pushes it down in order to hang out near you, and hold your hand. He trusts you to shut down the advances yourself, but if you don’t feel comfortable with speaking up, he’s pretty okay at finding an exit for the situation.

By which I mean, stumbling over his words, screaming, or hustling out of there. Sometimes all at once.

He’s not very subtle, unfortunately.

Any insecurities he’s got can be soothed over with a bit of love and communication, but in all honesty, it’s rarely ever a problem for you two.

(Jealousy with his brothers is different. Again, it’s a rare occurrence, but when it happens he gets very whiny. The couch, and your ribcage, have been crushed by a whining snapping turtle. RIP.)

Donatello

8/10

Jealousy central. He would rather die than admit it, but he is the most insecure member of the family. He’s confident, sure, but that can come crashing down at the drop of a hat. He craves praise, and he always feels like he has to earn his keep, in a sense. If he isn’t the best, then he’s nothing. You’re one of the few people that indulge him in his interests fully, and see him as he is. And he can never express just how much he values that!

When someone else captures your attention, he’s pretty blaise about it. He’s confident, maybe to the point of not really caring about said person. Like okay, they’re kind of bland, but whatever. Nowhere near as cool as him, uh huh. Good on you for taking the time out of your day to entertain the masses, my love. The peons need to keep up hope, I suppose.

But when someone’s actually flirting with you? Oh, oh boy.

He’s not big on PDA. He just isn’t. But he’ll make an exception, loosely intertwining your fingers with his. It isn’t much to outsiders, but it's huge for him.

Usually, it ends there. But if it doesn’t?

He gets pouty, and passive aggressive. Not necessarily towards you, but sometimes that bleeds through a bit without him realizing it. Loudly typing on his phone until the other person gets the hint, rolling his eyes, the verbal scoff, etc.

If he’s really jealous, he’s not above removing the two of you from the situation entirely. Something about a project that really needs to be finished — the fate of New York depends on it!

He’s still a bit pouty when you get home, but he’ll deny any feelings of jealousy vehemently. Kiss along his shoulders, offer to play his guilty-pleasure game with him, and dedicate the night to him. When it gets late in the night, and the two of you are wrapped up in each other, he might confide in you that he’s just afraid that someday you’ll realize you don’t need him anymore. In hushed whispers, he’ll bear his heart to you. Listen to him, give him all the praise he’s been deprived of his whole life, and tell him that you love him.

He won’t mention it in the morning, but make no mistake — he’ll carry that memory with him until the sun burns out.

(Jealousy with his brothers is a completely different story. He is so above them in his mind that its hardly even worth the energy, but he’s not above a little showboating. Oh, who is he kidding? He loves showing off. And he’ll take any excuse to hit Leo over the head with his staff.)

Michelangelo

1/10

Michelangelo, despite the occasional homicidal tendencies, is a very social guy. He really only gets jealous if you’re laughing with someone else — not because you’re not allowed to, but because he likes being the one to make you laugh.

He doesn’t take it too personally, though. Hell, 9 times out of 10 he ends up making friends with the other person!

On the rare occasion he actually starts feeling some genuine jealousy, it’s all smoothed over by communication later on. He might get a bit pouty in the moment, but once its all over, he’s got a powerpoint presentation loaded on how it made him feel, why he felt that way, etc. Communication is everything, baby.

(Jealousy with his brothers, though? He turns into a total brat. Flopping at your feet, whining, etc. There’s very little genuine emotion in it though, he just does it to get a laugh out of you.)

#rottmnt x reader #rottmnt Donatello x reader #rottmnt leonardo x reader #rottmnt michelangelo x reader #rottmnt raphael x reader #rottmnt imagines #don't question my spacetime!!! my cosmos is mine!!!! literally such a donatello song #oh christ i havent tagged things in forever #donatello hamato x reader #leonardo hamato x reader #tmnt x reader #raphael hamato x reader #michelangelo hamato x reader #tmnt donatello x reader #you know what i give up thats it. how in gods name did i utilize every tag ever back then. yall should have killed me for that fr

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doevademe · 2 years

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So here is an idea with a slightly dark Percico, during the time where Percy has amnesia, rather than deny knowing him, Nico in a moment of weakness says that they are dating that he missed him so much. Percy goes along with it, seeing no reason not to trust Nico and something about him being his boyfriend just feeling right. Eventually they reunite with Annebeth who is pissed at Nico for lying but can’t convince Percy that he is, making Nico into even more of an outcast, only for Percy to reveal that has already gotten his memories back long ago and now that Nico has lost most of his friends Percy has him all to him. Now they can be messed up possessive people together

Nico couldn't take it anymore.

The glares, the disappointment, everybody looked at him like he was a monster, and not even for the reasons they usually did.

If it was about being a son of Hades, Nico would at least feel outraged, like he didn't deserve what was happening to him, but this time it was different, this time he deserved the scorn of those around him.

"What's wrong, babe?" Percy asked, concerned. Nico bit his lip.

It had been a moment of weakness. Percy had just said he was important to his nonexistent past, and Nico had just said 'Well, as your boyfriend I sure hope so!' He had planned to dismiss it as a joke soon after, but Percy had just nodded like it made all the sense in the world and kissed him as an apology.

Nico hadn't been able to come clean after that.

"Percy, we need to talk," Nico said softly.

"Is Annabeth giving you trouble again?" he put his arm around him protectively. Nico saw a dark shadow fall over his eyes. "She really needs to stop that. Like I'd ever go for her when I have you."

Yes, things had only gotten worse once Annabeth had landed on New Rome. Nico had been sweating bullets. Surely seeing the actual love of his life would return Percy's memories. Then Percy would hate him for lying and taking advantage... again.

Yet what happened was even worse. Percy had rejected Annabeth, saying that he knew they were friends, but that he had rejected her to be with Nico. Percy weaved a story from the half-truths Nico told him and his own imagination, but the way he had talked made it sound as if Nico himself had been feeding him all those stories.

Annabeth had tried to claw his eyes out, and had only been stopped by Percy. The daughter of Athena had demanded him to break whatever spell he had put on Percy, but her boyfriend had refused to believe her.

"She has calmed down a lot," Nico lied. After Percy had remained 'loyal' to him, Annabeth had tried to prove their relationship with pictures and witnesses, and everyone had believed her, even his sister... everyone except for Percy. "It's about um... us."

Nico was now not only the untrustworthy son of Hades, he was also a homewrecker, an oportunist who had bewitched an amnesiac man into forgetting his girlfriend out of sefishness.

Everyone had turned their back on him, except for Percy, who kept kissing him and complimenting him like nothing was wrong.

"Did I do something wrong?" Percy's voice had a tint of worry as he looked around. "Was I too clingy? Or too clueless?"

Yes, Percy had been, but that was not the problem. If anything, Nico felt guilty over how much he enjoyed Percy's affections.

"No, it's not—"

"Is there someone else, then?" Percy's gaze turned possessive, even darker. At that moment, he was reminded of Poseidon being the god of storms and earthquakes. "Don't think I don't notice."

"N-notice what?" Nico couldn't help but stutter. When angry, Percy was almost a force of nature himself.

"Jason Grace and Leo Valdez, they look at you sometimes," Percy said dangerously. "Everyone should know that you are mine."

Nico blinked. No. There was no way that Percy was that oblivious.

"They look at me with nothing but disgust!" he finally exclaimed. "And they're right to do so!"

Percy's face softened as he turned to hug Nico properly, combing his fingers through his hair.

"Nico, there's nothing wrong with you... with us," he said. Nico wanted to scream in frustration. "If they can't accept us, we're better off without them."

"It's not about acceptance!" Nico sobbed. "Annabeth was telling the truth. You are her boyfriend, not mine!"

"Nico, you don't—"

"I lied Percy!" Nico screamed into his shirt. "That kiss you gave me on Camp Jupiter was our first. You've never seen me as anything but a friend or a traitor. I took advantage of you!"

He just wanted it to stop. To at least mend the relationship with his sister, even if everyone else, including Percy, hated him.

The son of Poseidon just hugged him tighter.

"Oh, Nico," he said, sounding disappointed. Nico braced himself. "I already knew."

Nico's eyes widened, he tried to pull away, but Percy just held on tighter.

"What?"

"My memories came back during my quest with Hazel and Frank," Percy explained. He caressed the top of his head. "I have known you lied since before Annabeth came back."

"But then why—?"

"Honestly, it was pretty hilarious to see her all mad," Percy laughed. "I almost cracked then and there, but I needed to keep at it, until everyone took her side, at least."

Nico shivered. It had all been Percy's ellaborate plan. To alienate Nico from everyone who could be on his side. To make him even more of an outcast. All to get back at Nico for lying about their relationship.

He didn't know the son of Poseidon could be that machiavellian.

"I guess I deserved it," Nico whispered. "I'm really sorry, Percy."

"Sorry for what?" Percy asked. He seemed honestly confused. "You know what I remembered when I got my memories back? How devoted you are, how many times you have saved me, how much you're willing to do for me. How utterly perfect you are."

Nico wasn't understanding. What was Percy getting at?

"You even lied to have me for yourself." Percy's voice was filled with amazement. Nico felt the hug tighten once again until it was almost painful. "But I also remembered all the people who could take you away, just as I realized how precious you were to me."

"Percy!" He struggled to get out, but Percy didn't let him.

"People like Connor Stoll and Will Solace, always looking at what's not theirs," he continued, almost snarling. "I knew if I wanted to keep you, I needed to make sure they wouldn't look at you twice."

Nico's heart was hammering in his chest. The worst part is, he wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement.

"You did all this... so I'll stay?"

"I remember Nico, you have a knack for just leaving," there was a reproach in Percy's voice. "But that's in the past. Because now you know how much I love you."

Yeah, and now there was nowhere else that would take Nico in.

"It hurts, being hated by everyone," he admitted quietly. Percy's hug became slack.

"I know, and I'm sorry." Percy at least sounded sincere. "I know I made it worse but... I couldn't lose you."

And it was like something switched inside Nico's brain. Like everything made sense now. He had always been an outcast anyway.

But now he had Percy.

"You'd never lose me, Percy," he said, giving him a kiss. "Because I'm as yours as you are mine."

And Percy smiled like Nico had just told him the moon really was made of blue candy.

"I'm glad we both think the same way."

Nico nodded and kissed Percy again.

The whole world could hate him for all he cared. Percy was his, and it was more than worth it.

#I hope I did okay #I love reading messed up relationships #but I've never written them myself #ask #heroichalfblood #my writing #writing prompt #Percico

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luckycheesefoodie321 · 9 months

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UNFILTERED REACTIONS TO PJO SHOW EPISODE 5 (AKA THE PERCABETH EPISODE): yes, spoilers. No, coherence.

PERCY JACKSON WANTED TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY

THE HECKIN FATES

PERCABETH HUGGGG

NOT CAR. THATS ARES THE BIGGEST PUNK IN EXISTENCE.

HAHAHAHAHA

Annabeth: *~*

Percy: don’t be awkward. We can hug. I’m your friend.

Annabeth: I saw the Fates snip your life thread dumbass

Grover your polite ass bean

Gabe you ABSOLUTE ASS

Ares actor is a fun time.

Grover… endearing himself to Ares??

THRILL RIDE OF LOVE HAHAHHA

AB: I’m gonna be weird

PJ: me too

The early Percabeth is Percabeth-ing

WHAT IS LOVE?!?!?

Seaweed Brain is coming. I know it. I can sense it. Deep in my bones.

Ohhhh noooo let’s not sit in the chair.

“I hate my own kids” damn aight sure

Ares is giving grouchy jock brother

“People see what they wanna see and don’t like what doesn’t fit into their preconceived notions” who you talking to, huh, Ares???

Groverrrrrr what’s your angle hereeee

I WAS WRONG ON ALL ACCOUNTS WE HAVE A SEAWEED BRAIN DROP SHE SAID THE THING SHE SAID IT

“This is not the Arch, Seaweed Brain” AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NOT HIM GIVING RIPTIDE FOR REAL AND STILL MAKING THE SACRIFICE PLAY

That speech. The desperation in their eyes and voices. Jfc if this isn’t Percabeth then idk what could be.

“Can you promise me something?”

“I won’t leave the Underworld without your mom”

“Thank you. I was gonna say, after the quest was done, you could swing back here and try to get me out of this thing?”

“You think you had to ask?”

“Just making sure”

LITERALLY WHAT IS THIS ALL THESE SOFT GAZES HOLY SHIT

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m-“ JUST KILL ME DEAD WHY DONT YOU

AND ANNABETH IMMEDIATELY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BREAK IT

TIMOTHY ODMUNSSEN

HEPHAESTUS

WELL. That whole scene went drastically different from the books but you know what. Imma say it. That was a SOLID change. Hephaestus our clunky crafty man. You’re gonna bring us Leo some day.

Percy has fully convinced Annabeth that the gods suck and should do better.

Percy “fucking fight me” Jackson squaring up against the God of War. Don’t we love itttt. Also you miss the monologue of Ares’s aura naturally encouraging aggressive emotions so this was a good way to show it bc Percy gets real bold in challenging a god in this moment but also he’s always been the type.

Making Ares extra obnoxious helps too

Grover my love, I love you. You lil detective bean!!

#spoilers #Percy jackson #Percy jackson spoilers #pjo #pjo show #Percy jackson and the Olympians spoilers #pjo spoilers #pjo show spoilers #Rick riordan #Walker scobell #Leah sava Jeffries #Grover underwood #Annabeth chase #ares #Aryan simhadri

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st-joseph-rtc · 23 days

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Elias Archer. 🧷🌹

“The Most Jealous Boy in Town.”

Favourite ride/attraction: The Zipper Catchphrase: " I'M NOT GAY DUDE I'M NOT!!! I JUST ACT LIKE IT!! " Zodiac + nature: Leo, Sign of Aggression Voice: Baritone

INFO Nickname(s): Eli, Dumbass (Friends ONLY), The Rizzler (god never call him that) Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Closeted Gay, acts Homophobic and straight to blend in Gender(s): Male Age: 18 Grade: 12 Birthday: August 14 Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Nationality: American

PHYSICAL Attire: Tank tops, shorts, the uniform, those highschool athlete jackets, also anything like the first faceclaim image, silver jewelry, A necklace with 24 safety pins on it. Height: 5'11'' Eye Color: Caramel Brown Hair Color: Black Appearance: Black well-taken care of hair, pretty jacked build from working out and sports. Distinct Features: Bandaged up on certain part of his body, some cuts and burns here and there.

PERSONALITY Personality: At School, he's cocky, bitchy, and egotistical. He thinks he's better than everyone else except the more popular girls. Bullies people and is your stereotypical jock who's a jerk. Talented in athletics. At Home, he's struggling and he's in pain and he just wants help, but ever since he was born, he's known nothing but violence and strength and power is the only thing that matters. He hates being at school, he hates being at home. At home, he slams his door and just bed rots till school starts again or his best friends call him / text him Skills: Being a jerk, Drinking, Smoking, Sports, Athletics Likes: Sports, Picking on people (he's insecure it makes him feel better), Winning, Picking fights Dislikes: Being called out, Losing, Not getting validation Strengths: Fighting (Alessia can kick his ass though), Bottling his emotions. Weaknesses: Being caught in a vulnerable moment, His family, His past, secretly men

LIFE Biography: Elias came from Los Angeles. He was spoiled rotten by his parents but then his parents had quickly ran out of money since LA is EXPENSIVE. Him and his parents argued about finances and of course his parents made the decision of moving to Uranium City. He hates it there but figures that picking on others makes him feel good about it all. Classes: Basics, Coding

OTHER

Parents: Isabella Archer and Lucas Archer, He has a rough relationship with them. Siblings: A 20 year old brother who ran away from home Friends: Gabriel Allaire-Kingston, Carlos Daniel Alvarez Romance: Clementine Devereux (Complicated Fake-Dating) Crush: "Clementine Devereux" Gabriel Allaire-Kingston, Carlos Daniel Alvarez

Car: He takes the bus House: 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, it's small and cramped

- Faceclaim: Drawing Voiceclaim: N/A

#Eli Asks!#OOC #rtc ocs #rtc roleplay #character design

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missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway · 7 months

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Moonlight & Fang Ch. 7 (Epilogue)

Divider @firefly-graphics

In a land long forgotten and plagued by a devastating curse, the delicate threads of magic begin to weave a tale of redemption and restoration. As the powers of enchantment stir, a newfound balance emerges. The people, who had suffered the most under the Hag's malevolence, felt the soothing embrace of peace descending upon their weary hearts.

Little Red’s pack of six brave souls reveled in the triumph of fulfilling their destined purpose, their names now written amongst the stars. A legend to be passed down through the generations.

Time passed, and as they grew older, their lineage blossomed. Six children emerging into the world. No longer burdened by the haunting shadows of the past, they found solace in the tranquil haven, where the promise of peace stretches far and wide.

Free to roam its depths and embrace the wonders of nature. They lived a life without the shackles of uncertainty. For the tides of darkness had been forever banished.

Selene

A manly scream can be heard across the garden, grabbing my attention. I stand, dusting the dirt off of my knees and head toward the sound.

“Elara! Put Papa Dean down this instant. We talked about this young lady.” I scold.

“Yes, Mama” She pouts, as she slowly lowers Dean back onto solid ground. Her brothers all snickering at the reprimand, while her sisters stick close to her side.

I make my way over to my pups. “Now why exactly were you using your powers of levitation on Papa Dean?”

She twists her fingers in anxiousness. “Acrux said I couldn't lift someone as heavy as his daddy.”

“But Papa Dean isn't Acrux’s daddy. Daddy Ari is.”

“I know that. But he’s not here right now and I just wanted him to shut up about it already. So I lifted Papa Dean instead.”

“Is that so?”

“She’s telling the truth Mama. I told her she could use my daddy.” Indi confessed.

“Yeah, the boys were being mean again.” Lyrae adds in. “Even Leo.”

“Were they now?” I look at my boys. All feigning innocence. “I expect it from Acrux and Caelum. Mischief is in their nature thanks to Daddy Ari and Daddy Jax. But you Leo? What will your father think of this?”

“What will I think of what?” Bucky asks as he strolls over.

“According to Ly, her twin was joining in on being mean to the girls with his older brothers.” I state.

His eyebrows raise. “My Leo? My quiet book worm Leo.”

“Yes, daddy!” Lyrae shouts. “He was being mean. Wouldn’t even let me practice spells with him this morning.” She pouts.

“Did we miss something? What’s with the huddle?” Sy’s booming voice carries. A large buck draped over his wide shoulders as Ari saunters behind him, cleaning his knife and Jax rounds out the trio in wolven form.

“Your daughter decided it would be a good idea to hoist me up in the air.” Dean quips.

A smile crosses his face. “How high did you get em before he screamed, El? You know Papa Dean hates heights.”

“Sy!”

“What? Is she in trouble or something?” He shrugs.

“That’s what we're trying to figure out.” I sigh. “Clearly the boys egged this on. And while it is was rather hilarious to see Dean hoisted in the air screaming. El knows she’s not suppose to use her powers unsupervised.”

“What about the boys?” Jax asks. Having shifted back and put on some pants. Him being shirtless and glistening with sweat was a bit distracting at the moment though.

“Rux is the one who issued the challenge. Said El couldn't levitate someone as big as her father. Dean was the only one around so Indi volunteered him instead.”

“So Caelum didn't do anything?”

“That’s unclear as the girls also said the boys were being mean.”

“Caelum.” Jax crooks his finger. “Here. Now.”

Caelum sullenly makes his way over to his father.

“Were you lot being mean to your sisters?”

He nods his head yes. “Sorry daddy.”

Ari groans. “Alright. This ends here. Tit for Tat has been had and I'm tired and hungry. So, boys your with us as we prep this buck for Papa Dean to cook us tonight.”

“But dad.” Arcux whines.

“I’ll have none of that Rux.” He addresses his son. “You’re the oldest. I expect more from you.”

“Well you’re always challenging all the grown ups? Why can’t I do it to my siblings?” He argues back.

The six of us share a look. I can barely contain the chuckle that escapes. “He’s got ya there Ari.”

“Who’s side are you on?” He asks of me with narrowed eyes.

“Oh, I’m on no one’s side but myself. I have no favorites in this squabble. I think the girls should met out a punishment as they see fit. I would do the same if the situation was reversed. I’m not the one worried my son can’t handle the consequences of his actions.”

“You know that will only start a war of magic and wills. We will all become casualties of it.”

“Ari it sounds as if you have become complacent. I thought you thrived on adventure and the unknown?” I tease.

“I still do.”

A smile as wicked as my past brightens my face. “Well, then. Let the games begin.”

#moonlight and fang

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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 2 months

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so uncomfortable

okay here's a tough question

I'm going to force myself to think about

lightly though and with only my fingertips

when did I become embarrassed for how and why

I choose to love someone?

I know that I try to be thoughtful and considerate with love

my mind is always looking for glimmers of joy

and in love everything sparkles a bit

especially if it's romantic love

just noticed a fly died in my tealight that's awkward

when I choose to love someone

I become aware of them and notice things

I do it naturally but in affection

I love to focus more on the things that bring delight

affection can be the beauty when things are bleak

if the first root stems from childhood

I could never seem to love anyone rightly or enough

to inspire them to keep loving me every day

suddenly their mood would change and I'd be

a stranger they hated or needed to get away from

god I hope I don't make my children feel that way

when I get overwhelmed and my first instinct is to isolate

but I usually explain to them what is happening with me

and reassure them that the situation has me out of sorts

and that I love taking care of them even if I get stressed

they never seem to worry that my love will go away

so I broke that cycle which means now

I have to address it in interpersonal connections

and the truth is that I can only love as me authentically

and value the opinions of people able to receive my love

instead of the projections of those who just can't seem

to find anything right with how I show affection

or think I'm not quite grateful enough for their regard

i fucking thank my alexa ok I know I'm appreciative

my youngest and wildest is named Theo

but at the park he would introduce himself as Io

and then when people called him by this name he gave

he wouldn't answer to it because he was so used

to listening for his given name Theo

he didn't know how to answer to the name he gave himself

I think that's how I feel right now

and people don't usually have to give themself a name

or maybe they do and I just haven't found something I

resonated with yet so I can make the connection to

something that does make sense in my mind

If I haven't been given love in the way that attuned

to my authentic self but only to the self

I constructed to survive the rejection of being myself

then of course I'm terrified of being given love

that will see me entirely and not go away

depending on the day or dysregulated mindset

you can dream of something your entire life

and suddenly feel like freezing or running

the moment you feel like it may approach you

new things are scary even if they are wanted

most of the love I was given was built upon enmeshment

I fell into the patterns easily because they are based

in deep insecurity and manipulation

I broke that cycle in relation to my children

the mother wound determines your inner voice

so now I need to break the cycle in relation

to myself and the people I choose to love

control is not love and healthy boundaries are not control

but loving limits you place around yourself to

protect yourself from enmeshment (ironic)

it's also nice when those are communicated

full moon this weekend in a time for release

moving out of cancer season (whew)

and into leo season and my ascending aspect

is purring and growling in my ear

I'm calling him Firenze or

Novafeltria if she's feeling divinely feminine

my inner royal court of wands

and we all know wands connect us to the creative

sacral cauldrons that forge our passion that is controlled

by the breath of our ever expanding and contracting diaphragm

which is like the function and structure of the iris of the eye

they both adjust the size of the opening (or aperture)

controlling the depth of field or focus of the scene

and how much light is exposed to the focal plane

I think all this means that I have to stop being a filter

or something and just accept my intensity?

I got a little lost in the constellation I was trying to draw

but it still sparkles, doesn't it?

I will sparkle for the right people

and accept that some people just don't like stars

and that's just something they have to deal with, man

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astrologybyana · 3 years

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lilith in signs / houses 🍂

hey you guys! i’ve been getting so many asks about lilith lately, so i’ve decided to make a post about it! 🎈

lilith was adam’s first wife in the garden of eden, and she refused to be subservient to him

as she should 💅🏻

lilith is like the archetype of the rebellious woman, she can’t be tamed. so, lilith, also called the black moon, is our unfiltered, erotic, uncontrollable side

it shows the traits that we need to embrace in ourselves and let free

what you need to know to read this post is, your lilith sign and the house it is in! you can find them our simply by going to astro.com, choosing “free horoscopes” and then “extended chart selection”

from additional objects, choose “lilith”

and then, from house systems, choose “whole signs” and there it is!

it’s a long post, so i cut it from here 🧚🏻‍♀️

lilith in 1st / aries

people with this placement tend to get lots of attention to their bodies! good or bad

they might be seen as really confident from outside, but feel otherwise

intimidating aura

people might have shamed you for being who you are

you might be recognized as a leader, but your impulsivity doesn’t make you always trustable

you might have a “now or never” mindset

lilith in 2nd / taurus

strong morals or none at all - extremes might be experienced here

remarkable aesthetic taste, talented in arts and singing

relationships might be a thing for you since earlier in life

lusting after money, hedonism

you are connected to earth and beauty

very sensual

lilith in 3rd / gemini

you are charismatic and you know it. you might get out of hell just by talking

a very analytical mind

lilith is a big influence on how you speak with the 3rd house, you might be an excellent liar and your voice might be seductive

lilith in gemini might be obsessed with what is good or bad

very talented in getting into character, getting in others’ minds

might be into orgies or swingers

lilith in 4th / cancer

people with lilith in 4th might have had a rough childhood, one parent or both of them might have been gone physically or emotionally

unusual families, either in childhood or the family you form yourself

there might be sexual scandals or secrets you have to deal with

people with these placements might fear lonliness

a big desire to help others, but incapable of being on the receiving hand

women with this placement might have psychic powers running in the family

lilith in 5th / leo

you’re either loved or hated

women with this placement are really powerful and seductive

the way you look is important for you

fear of giving birth

creativity might manifest in dark themes

trust issues might show here, leading to superficial sex and relationships because of the fear of getting hurt

lilith in 6th / virgo

workaholic since a young age, might have had to be tho

but you work smarter, not harder, and you demand respect 💅🏻 as you should

co-workers might be gossiping about you alone, or you with other co-workers

lilith in virgo might show a person who suppresses their sexual desires, and often neglect themselves

a connection with earth develop while growing older

engaging with intellectuality might feel like some type of therapy for you

lilith in 7th / libra

this person either turns into lilith, or searches for a lilith

women here might fascinate men even if they don’t want to

you might attract people who are passionate with a rebellious aura

when undeveloped, if they get rejected they might become ruthless

lilith in libra might suffer a lot because of injusticeness and unequality

you might love leading a public life and having an audience

lilith in 8th / scorpio

ambitious and hardworking

privacy and loyalty is very important for you

you probably have a hypnotizing aura

“and baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun”

people with these placements might go through a relationship that began with hate, and turn into love

sex is a fascination for you, and you know you’re talented in it

lilith in 9th / sagittarius

you want to experience new things and overcome your fears, limits

you might approach everything as an adventure, you don’t like planning

and you might awake this side in others too, encouraging them to do wild stuff with you

people with these placements usually don’t like structural educational systems, they believe they can teach themselves about more interesting stuff better

meeting lots of liliths while travelling, lol

as i’ve read, many women here have experienced relationships with rich older men ✨💸

lilith in 10th house / capricorn

this is a very powerful placement to have! a dominant energy shines through

you lust for power and success

you are usually in front of a large amount of people, your job might need you to deal with public

you are usually in the center of a scandal and the cause might be your sexual energy, however, you probably already like to shock people lol

because of the energy you radiate, people are just naturally drawn to you

you might be a very talented manipulator, you decide how you react to things

lilith in 11th house / aquarius

these placements might show a person who was / is bullied

i think you’d rather have one on one relationships rather than large groups of friends

unique tastes in fashion, movies, music

absolute freedom and revolution is very important for you

you might like orgies or having friends with benefits

if lilith aspects to mars, saturn or pluto, you might be jealous or possessive of your friends

lilith in 12th / pisces

lilith in 12th people might have an inner voice that is very critical, a lot might be going on in their heads

both of these placements might indicate an unknown trauma that even the native is not aware of

and again, people with either of these placements are prone to escapism

lilith in pisces people might be slow to react sometimes, and submissive without realizing / wanting to be

very receptive of other people’s energies

psychic abilities show themselves here, but the native might be scared of exploring further

thank you for reading 🧚🏻‍♀️

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the-virgoperspective · 3 years

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astro observations pt.2

thank you all sm for the love on my first obsv post!! let’s dive into the next one, round two, here we go! same rules apply! please keep in mind that every aspect, degree, house, and sign placement is unique and even though you may have the same, it still may not apply. take what resonates and leave what doesn’t ❤️‍🔥 the red theme isn’t intentional i’m just really feeling the color rn

❤️‍🔥 tw: mentions of s*x, bullying, depression, & body dysmorphia ❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥 mercury in 11th are the top tier peacekeepers! they always know what to say, how to say it, and when. they can talk to anyone about p much anything and usually have soft voices esp if it is in libra or pisces!

❤️‍🔥 hot take but cap moons are literal babies dressed in well tailored suits. no shade to them at all bc i’m just as much of a baby sometimes but i see straight through that wall they put up. i had a friend with a cap sun and moon and it was like she knew i knew how much she was feeling. she cried around me very often and liked expressing her stress and frustration through it! if anyone, i was the emotionless one in the friendship, and i think i only let her see me cry once after knowing her for a year

❤️‍🔥 imo water and air moons clash way harder than water and fire moons. the way air moons analyze and compartmentalize how they feel can be difficult for a water moon to relate to. their usual natural reaction is to comfort, which is not always what an air moon wants, but fire moons love that shit. *cough* aries moons *cough*

❤️‍🔥 leo ascendants command attention without them even having to try. they just walk in and people have to take a second look! they posses this air of confidence that is so captivating and at times enviable. ily hotties, y’all bad asf 💋

❤️‍🔥 it’s really true that someone’s pluto falling in your 8th house can make you envy them to the point of your own destruction. an old friend of mine had her pluto in 1st in my 8th and sweet baby jesus what a toxic friendship that was! everything that pluto embodied i felt hidden within me while she had it on display, front and center, and it made me so jealous. i’d always wanted to be seen in the way that people saw her and her energy was so powerful and alluring, that when we were out together people barely even acknowledged me! after a while, i began to resent her so badly that i was just waiting for her to fuck up so i could cut her off. eventually, she did, and i did just that; but i can’t help but kick myself for even staying in a friendship that deep down, was never a friendship to begin with (on my end) 😕 also our pluto placements were conjunct each other so this energy was verrry strong

❤️‍🔥 mars in 1st are such blunt and boisterous people, usually not in a bad way, they just don’t see the point in beating around the bush. they will not make themselves feel small for any reason and it doesn’t matter what their big 3 is, mars is at home in the 1st, and he will take control. they have a laughter that is loud and joyful with very lively and energetic spirits! however, their aggressive side is extremely powerful and not to be provoked

❤️‍🔥 taurus suns are the most fun earth sign, and as a virgo i hate to admit it, but it’s true! they really know how to enjoy the moment when necessary and highly value a good time. the type to have a company meeting at 6pm and leave for a party straight after😂 and they def had their outfit on under their work clothes

❤️‍🔥 aquarius/11th placement natives are so friendly!!! not at all like they are so stereotypically painted out to be. many of them possess so much warmth and love for other people and are truly some of the best friends you can have! they’re the ones to remember tiny details about you or to surprise you with something you’d been keeping an eye on. very conscientious natives with large hearts

❤️‍🔥 if being pursued is something that you want, do not expect a libra mars to do it! they most likely will not take action because they can feel restricted in this area. if they do, it was after hours of contemplation and weighing pros and cons. once they’re committed though, they are very romantic and intentional

❤️‍🔥 this is only a theory! but! something i’ve noticed with scorpio ascendants is that they can be keen on giving people nicknames that stick forever (good or bad). with their 3rd house usually falling into the sign of aquarius or capricorn, the names they call people can be very original and also hilarious! an old scorpio asc friend of mine used to call this girl in our class by a nickname that stuck throughout our entire high school career 💀 i felt kinda bad for the girl even though she wasn’t the greatest

❤️‍🔥 sagittarius venus/venus in 9th natives take a lot of interest in people who appear to be very well-rounded and educated! they usually prefer to associate with those who have a thirst for knowledge like they do to bounce philosophical facts off of. also there’s a good chance they are multi-lingual and/or are wanting to learn a new language

❤️‍🔥 to piggyback off the last tid bit, sagittarius placements/degrees in general can indicate an interest or natural ability to learn languages! sagittarius is associated with the expansion of knowledge and love for culture so it is very likely that a person with a sag placement will be interested in these things. my mom has a sag mars & a 9H venus, is fluent in spanish and sign language, and she goes on multiple trips every year!

❤️‍🔥 gemini with pisces placements (esp sun/moon/asc/merc) can make someone very emotionally and mentally erratic. like they are a walking contradiction 24/7! prominent earth placements can add some stability but that sporadic energy is still felt regardless. they also might have a lot of trouble going to sleep and/or staying asleep

❤️‍🔥 i’ve been seeing many people mention that virgos/virgo placements have a thing for making people feel horrible about their appearances and as a virgo raised by a virgo i have to chime in. it’s true. it’s sooo fuckin true it hurts. i even recognized that the way my mother would judge what people wore or how they looked was starting to bleed into my way of viewing the world. not only that, but i can’t remember a single day when she didn’t make a comment on what i looked like- and i mean every day. some were better than others, but it was extremely difficult hearing my mom say these things to me, especially when she thought she was being helpful. as a self-conscious, self-restricted, and insecure saturn in 1st baby trying to grow up, the things she said heavily contributed to my depression and body dysmorphia. it’s a daily battle but being aware and correcting the judgements i make of myself and others, and staying consciously open-minded, has helped A TON. virgos can be cut throat and their tongues are sharp as knives. there are ones that use those tongues for good and others for bad, and sometimes their intention is good, but the delivery can be severe in the most subtle of ways. but virgos are not the only ones who will tear your confidence to shreds! my libra sun granny is the most judgmental yet the least judgmental person i’ve ever known and it’s so infuriating??? (she deserves her own post tbh) also i had a cancer friend who’d literally never let me have a moment of peace if i wore something around her that she didn’t like, but she was just toxic as a whole 🤣 but yeah that’s my two cents, there are a lot of virgo placement people who are so terribly judgmental but there are plenty of gems out there who are working on their shit or have gotten it together! but psa, and i don’t care what your sun sign is, you never have the right to make someone else feel like shit for the way they look. and if you feel as though you do, there is a very special circle in hell for you ol’ buddy xoxo

~ i hope you all enjoyed this post, and once again if something resonates, please share! have a lovely day besties 💋

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where-is-francis · 3 years

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Birthday Buddy

Before You Interact

Request: No

Pronouns: Not Specified (Female Aligned Readers DNI)

A/N: I know I have about a MILLION other works in my drafts but I couldn’t miss posting something for his birthday even if it’s like three days late now :,) also I put my friend Leo in here so if they’re seeing this: I’m not sorry. This is all over the place oops if I hate it too much I’ll probably revise it at some point.

TW: Mild swearing.

Most days in March were, in your opinion, uneventful. Spring was just around the corner, tempting the people and animals alike to enjoy the slightly warmer weather of the outdoors. Parks were starting to welcome green grass, flowers, and melodic bird tunes that carried through the air.

The halls of Bucky’s apartment had grown livelier, as well. Familiar neighbors shuffled through the building, most greeting you with a smile or wave as you went to your friend’s floor. Sheer excitement added a slight pep in your step, giving an extra motivation for you to get there quickly. The entire way over had been nothing but a chance for you to rehearse your small scheme, repeating possible scenarios in your mind.

Normally, you would be joined in plotting by Sam — but he was on his way to Washington at that moment for a briefing.

‘Must be important if you’re missing out on the chance to torment Bucky on his birthday,’

‘Well, guess I’ll have to leave all of that tormenting up to you.’

The exchange over the phone made a smile find a way to your face. Ever so slightly winded, you stood at Bucky’s door. A carbon copy of the rest, the only significant detail a plain doormat. (S/C) knuckles tapped on the wood, just loud enough for him to hear.

Although unlikely, he hoped you’d forgotten what day it was. The brunette sighed lightly before opening the door, being greeted by your (H/C) (waves/coils/twists/locs) and the familiar toothy grin he’d come to love.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” The tone in his voice was welcoming and joking.

“Aw, what, were you about to get the ‘early bird’ special at the diner?”

“Nope, I’m just surprised you’re up before noon, if I’m being honest.”

You rolled your (E/C) eyes at him, throwing your hands up in a ‘touché’ manner before laughing. He stepped aside and motioned you into the familiar apartment, where nothing had changed since the last time you were over. Surprisingly, the blanket and pillow were no longer on the floor, but strewn across the couch in the smaller living room.

Pulling off your (F/C) jacket and turning to him, he caught your gaze.

“So, you probably guessed, but I’m off today. I didn’t know if you wanted to go grab something to eat? Or we could just, like… hang out.”

The blue eyed male watched carefully as you made your way to the couch. It was hard for him to tell what was on your mind, but your demeanor suggested you were up to something. Bucky reached over to shut the door and try to think of an excuse.

“I’m kind of tired today. Food sounds good, but I don’t really feel like doing much.”

You turned to meet his gaze, the sly grin still splayed across your features.

“Hmm… wanna order something? Leo says it’s been slow today.”

It took a moment for him to decide, instead opting for catching glances of you. The way you seemed to breathe life into his dull apartment was as soothing as the spring sunlight that flowed through the window panes. Your presence made everything seem whole. A vibrant expression of the universe and its experiences, sat here on his couch.

“I’ll pay,”

He let out a dry laugh, motioning to you as you grabbed your phone. Although it was becoming more natural, it still fascinated the brunette how you could get everything done so quickly. Just a few taps of your fingers, and you were pulling up the menu from the favorite restaurant you shared.

Comfortable silence hung around the room like a thin mist. The kind that’s warm and calming, something Bucky didn’t get to experience often. Your (E/C) eyes caught his attention and slowly brought him back down to earth.

“It’s ordered, should be here in a bit. What do you wanna do ‘til then?”

“Maybe you could show me that album you were talking about the other day?”

About an hour (and one Queen album) later, your phone notified you that your friend had arrived. In a half-assed attempt to keep Bucky from figuring out the surprise, you asked him to get some silverware and drinks while you talked to your friend.

They waved slightly at the older male before making room for you in the hall.

“So… there may be a small problem with the cake.” The blonde grinned nervously.

It didn’t take long before you saw what they meant, moving the receipt to reveal the clear plastic window. And underneath, a double-chocolate cake — Bucky’s favorite — topped with blue icing.

“‘Happy Birthday Buddy’?”

You and your best friend exchanged a look, both equally unsure of whether to laugh or cry.

You reached up with a (S/T) hand to pinch the bridge of your nose. “They must’ve thought I said ‘Buddy’ instead of ‘Bucky’ when I called it in.”

Leo shrugged in their oversized coat, passing the disappointing cake in your direction. It took a minute to get the money out to pay them for the delivery, then opting for a fist bump before you made your way back inside. A few seconds was all it took to regain composure, nudging the door shut and making your way to the counter.

Bucky watched as you pulled out the takeaway boxes and made your way to the small table. If asked, he would never admit, but he only really ate at the table with you. It wasn’t really on purpose, but it felt good to be able to meet your eyes while the two of you made conversation.

“I hope you’re ready for Chinese food for the next few days, they gave us a few extra egg rolls. And I cannot eat them all by myself.”

The blue eyed man laughed a bit, recalling the time Sam dared you to see who could finish the stack. He won, and wouldn’t shut up about it, while you spent the rest of the night feeling like you were going to explode.

Golden sun rays flooded through the apartment window, growing more and more intense as time moved on. Although still partial to stuff from the ‘40s, Bucky really began to like the music you played for him. Most modern music wasn’t really anything special, but something about the songs you found just sounded like… you. Not in a way that could be verbalized, but a way that was just felt.

Containers had slowly become empty, remnants of noodles strewn across the styrofoam. It was finally time to show him the cake.

“Save room for dessert?”

Bucky leaned back in his chair, stretching a bit and flexing just to see how you’d react. His blue eyes met your (E/C) ones again as he raised a brow.

You didn’t give him much of an answer except nodding in the direction of the kitchen. On the counter was a box with a cake, covered in chocolate frosting and made for a super soldier. He turned to focus on you again, slowly lowering his head and grinning.

“And here I thought you forgot,”

The distance between you two began to close, your hand resting on his vibranium one. It took a moment before he finally leaned in, kissing you with all of the tenderness you had shown him through the years. Although faint, you swore you could feel him smiling into the kiss.

A calm night followed, spent listening to more music as the sun went down. With you asleep beside him in bed, he finally let his mind wander, in a good way this time. Something so earth-shatteringly different about coming from being an assassin, now having somebody to care about. Somebody that was gentle, and kind, but didn’t just see him as the broken boy of war.

He had a partner. Somebody that went to so much work to surprise him on his birthday.

The familiar feeling of stubble on your collarbone woke you just enough to hear him, voice heavy with sleep.

“Thank you,”

“‘Happy Birthday Buddy’? Wow, can’t believe you had to get an entire cake just to friendzone me. On my birthday, too.”

“Oh, shut the hell up. Is it really my fault they misheard what to put on the cake?”

Like my work? I appreciate that! I’m a blog for gn/male reader content. Reblogs are greatly appreciated, as it helps other people find my stuff 💕

#Bucky Barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x gender neutral reader #happy birthday Bucky #marvel x male reader #marvel x gender neutral reader #marvel x gn reader

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thehighwaytothestars · 3 years

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BRIEF PERSONALITY ANALYSIS - YEONJUN TXT

Libra Moon:

Interested in fine arts, and debates about all kinds of subjects.

But, always keep the poise and never being aggressive, or trying to make their point of view to rule over the other person.

Harmony is very important here, and usually libra moons hate fights, but they love talks where they can learn different points of views and perspectives they never thought about.

They are well cultured people.

They like to dress elegantly, and this is an expression of them, could be therapeutic, dressing according to your mood.

They hate disharmony and arrogant people.

They love when they find someone who is open minded and can talk about everything without criticizing and judging the other person.

This is a placement where the person can try to please people a lot, and sometimes just agreeing with them to stop the fight/ argument.

Loves luxury, and the fines things. They can be very good at interior design. Probably, Yeonjun will be the one decorating his house.

They care about what people think of them, and sometimes too much 🙁

Just loves the idea of being in love and being in a relationship.

Virgo Sun and Mercury:

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, so in Yeonjun’s case his Mercury is in domicile, and this makes easier to this planet to act naturally, accordingly to his virtues.

Having a Virgo Sun can make the person very demanding and hard on themselves and the others.

They can be super anxious about things, because they are always trying to reach perfection, even tho they know is not something possible to do it.

But they will try the hardest they can to achieve their goals, they will always try to give 1000% of themselves.

They know that in order to reach your dreams you Gotta work hard for it, so they often over work.

They have almost this obsession over details, and this can make them lost the big picture of things.

They are practical and problem solvers, but will appreciate when someone try to help them, to show that they care about them, and their wellbeing, because they are always the ones doing this for everyone, so is nice to change this dynamic once in a while.

In Yeonjun’s case having a Mercury Virgo just makes this energy stronger. So, you can count on he pays a lot of attention in to details, and he is always analyzing everything he can.

Owns a very logical and practical mind.

Can be an amazing writer too.

Very smart and witty.

Not super talkative, he is more the one observing people’s behavior, and yes, can be very judgmental sometimes 🙁

But, ofc he is not just serving this to people, he is the main focus of his critical mind, so he can be his worst enemy in a way.

Always thinking he is not doing enough and trying to overcompensate, always trying to do more.

Can feel sometimes, that he doesn’t deserve to be on top, if he doesn’t work hard enough and go beyond, he will second guess his own potential.

Because his Mercury and Sun are conjunct in Virgo, this can make him very aware of what he eats and his health in general; Also, how he behaves, all his gestures and how he is portraying himself.

He can be really found of reading and activities that involve patterns, and logic.

Leo Venus: It’s like...go big or go home kind of love demonstration.

Loves to spoiled and be spoiled by their loved ones. They are generous and love to buy you gifts for no reason at all, it’s because they are so in love by you, they just can’t help.

He is so genuine when he loves someone. Leo Is all about the heart, and being truly honest with your feelings, emotions, with yourself, so when he is with someone, he is for real.

He wants to show how much he loves you, so he does whatever he can to make you see that. Actually, you and the whole world.

He can even be a little clingy, he just loves being around you and feeling your presence. This makes his heart race and just fuels him with happiness.

He is truly faithful, and can be a little jealous. Will take care of you 1000%. It’s like, you are his precious little thing, and nobody can hurt you, EVER. He will defend you with his all, it doesn’t matter.

Being a Virgo Sun, and the sun being the ruler of Leo, we have here a very attentive and devoted guy. He will want try to help you with whatever he can, definitely the type to go the next mile to do something for you. But don’t fool yourself, all this love and devotion he will wanted back. He will need that you guys are connect for real, like your hearts and energies are in the same sync.

Venus talks about the pleasures in life, and in Yeonjun’s case no wonder why he loves to dress up, and fashion, and have this amazing style. He is super bold, and honest about the things he tries. That’s him, like...he is not pretending to be anyone else, you know? He does not wear the clothes to simulate or fool people, he is truly expressing himself. And, of course, he is not afraid to do it. No wonder he loves the big and all over your face, accessories, right?

He is such a romantic and passionate guy, he could even be a little be cheesy, ngl.

But, overall, will love someone with all his heart, body and soul.

He is drawn to authentic people, who are empowered, and knows their value. People who are not scare of being who they are, who can speak up. Who are passionate about what they do, and who inspire people around them, gives them courage to be brave and do what they truly want to do. Yeah...this is definitely a strong and confident person, who could totally call his attention.

He can be really confident indeed. Sagittarius Mars:

So bold and up to the challenges in life. Loves to throw himself in new experiences, especially if he is with his friends around.

Is not afraid to take risks, because this is how you learn things and gain knowledge of how things work.

He can be really competitive, and gives his all to win. He is just that guy that loves to win, and as we see above, he is totally up to the challenge. This desire to win can totally ignite his energy.

His mars is conjunct with Pluto, so this make Yeonjun puts a lot of determination in things he does. He does not stop until he gets what he wants. Could even enjoy dangerous situations.

May love to explore about the subconscious mind too, and why does he do things in the way he does. Is looking for answers there, and is not afraid of it.

Curiosity is something that definitely moves him.

He can be really energetic and doing an exercise can always help him to burn that extra energy he may have.

He can be good at sports and loves to spend the day doing things, especially outside.

I feel he loves to shop, and can’t get enough from it. This could be his favorite sport, yeah.

Can be a person who loves being around nature too, this can help him relax and get in touch with his inner self, and just to put things in his head in order, since he can overthink a lot of things, and this could lead us to a lot of tension and stress.

He can take a while to lose his patient, but when he does...OMG he can be so brutally honest, and even scary. He knows what to say in order to hurt someone, he owns a very analytical and sharp mind, so he knows how to push your buttons, he knows what is sensitive for you.

And Pluto conjunct to his Mars, can make him even more assertive with his words, and even the tone he uses can be very dark, and just terrifying. People can feel the presence of his anger, and how mad he is, even if he looks calm and collected, you’ll know by his tone of voice...it’s crazy. You can feel how serious he is, and that he is not messing around. He had enough of it.

Can lose his head when people try to boss him around, and tell what to do, or just try to take away his freedom.

Can be hard to forgive, and even if he does won’t forget what happen.

#yeonjun #yeonjun txt #yeonjun astrology #astrology #kpop #txt astrology #txt kpop

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cherriesfineline · 3 years

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Au Pair – Chapter I

It's finally here – I'm sorry this took so long, this past few weeks have been a mess but here it is, our first chapter for the Au Pair series; I kinda hate this, ngl- I always hate first chapters, a lot of introductory info and bla bla but yeah.

In the weird case you happen to enjoy this and want to be added into the taglist (starting next chapter) you can request it here.

Feedback, likes or reblogs are so, so appreciated! I'm very much new to the whole writing world so yeah it'd be really helpful to hear your thoughts about this <3

Love you all, have a wonderful week beauties!

Warnings: none specifically for this chapter – age gap.

WC: 6.6k

Masterlist

Y/N was tired, to say the least.

And it wasn’t the tiredness she used to feel after a long work shift at her previous job -where her boss was an old, grumpy lady with horrible manners- or the exhaustion felt after spending hours crying due to a fight with her mother. No, this was different. It was a tiredness she couldn’t get rid of; a tiredness no lavender smelling bath or hours upon hours of sleep could amend.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment her brain shifted in such a drastic way. Y/N could easily recognize and admit her life had never been an exciting one; a memorable one. Ever since she was a little girl it all seemed to fly by; graduations, birthdays, friendships – nothing ever seemed to leave an impact and nothing ever seemed as exciting as everyone else put it to be. She knew she struggled with allowing herself to enjoy things, but this far her life had been pretty average.

Maybe it was the fact that she was 22 years old and never been in a real relationship what skyrocketed her fear of dying alone. Now, she knew it might seem exaggerated – 22 years wasn’t a long life at all, but the pungent emptiness she’d been feeling felt like her inevitable destiny – like that’s how life was supposed to be for her.

England felt different, though. But in all honesty, her emotions hadn’t had switched into completely different ones like she’d expected to happen when she applied for this job as an Au Pair all the way back in February.

With a steaming hot cup of coffee between her cold hands, she sat down next to Coco (a very soft grey Scottish Fold) on the giant couch of her new home, scratching in between his tiny ears earning a low purr in response. Coco had become one of her closest friends so far, along with Anya, a three year old girl with cute blonde locks and a laugh so contagious it made the muscles on your cheeks ache after a long playdate.

Maybe moving away wasn’t the smartest choice. It actually might be one of the stupidest choices she had ever made, actually – moving all the way across the globe when she cried herself to sleep most nights due to her loneliness overcoming her (almost inexistent) self-awareness. Y/N liked to believe she had a wide understanding of her emotions, but it was a blatant lie.

At least she was distracted for most of the day – taking care of two kids and looking after a teenager wasn’t an easy task. It required a lot of mental presence; but by the time she was in bed at night, it all hit back again. She thought maybe this is how life is supposed to be for her, lonely – maybe it was not her brain playing her tricks but her brain making her see how her life truly was.

It’d been two weeks since the Lockehold family picked Y/N up from the airport, and on one side getting physically adjusted to this new life hadn't been as rough as she thought it’d be. She did have it easy, if she had to admit – a big room in a giant, beautiful home and a car to her disposal. Emotionally, on the other side, life was still the same.

She knew the moment she heard heels hitting the cold marble staircase Bella was on her way down with Ivy, the eldest of the three sisters, following close behind, complaining about a hangout she was apparently going to miss because they “are expecting a guest” as Bella announced, meaning neither of her parents could drive her. That’s how Y/N found herself sitting in her (borrowed) blue Jeep Renegade driving Ivy to her friend Lily’s house – who lived in the same rich, over-the-top neighborhood as her guest family, which meant the ride to and back was no longer than twenty minutes. During those minutes together, though, Y/N could physically feel the irritation running through Ivy’s blood because first, she still wasn’t too fond of Y/N because she is 16 and doesn’t need a babysitter -her words, not Y/N’s- and second, Y/N is still not accustomed to driving on the other side of the road.

Technically, Y/N had the weekends off. Living with the same people who employed her gladly didn’t mean working 24/7, but she hoped she could earn a couple of points in her favor if she took her free time to drive her around.

After a short conversation between the two (where Ivy refused to save Y/N’s number in case an emergency came up because she could always call her dad), Y/N dropped her off and drove back to the Lockehold’s. What caught her off guard, was the sight of someone in the driveway at the house next door getting suitcases out of the trunk of a black cab – there hadn’t been any movement in the old Victorian mansion since she’d moved in next door. A man, definitely very tall, dressed in a dark suit is all Y/N could decipher since it was already dark outside and she had to strictly concentrate on not switching to the opposite side of the road out of habit.

Alex was coming down the stairs when Y/N locked the front door – Bella’s husband was a very handsome man for his age, probably anyone could admit it. He was kind of scary sometimes, but was a true sweetheart on the inside; he’s in his mid-40’s and it was clear as day his family meant everything to him, he even treated Y/N like his own daughter, always making sure she’s comfortable and inviting her to most family hangouts – even though Y/N declined pretty often to allow them to have quality time as a family (and because being too socially involved drained her, but they needn’t have to know that)

“You wanna join us for dinner? We have a guest tonight. A family friend.”

“Oh, no, I'm good, you guys enjoy yourselves. I’ll say hello, though.” Y/N replied with a smile; and as before mentioned, even though she had the weekends to herself, they still loved to insist on her joining them for fancy dinners and whatnot. The Lockehold’s loved being hostesses, loved having people around (from what Y/N learned this past two weeks) but she really wanted -and needed- some time for herself after being with them the entire week, and even though she loved hanging out with them, she just wasn’t in the mood tonight.

“You sure? Bella made homemade pasta, from scratch. Her specialty.” Mouthwatering, Y/N thought. Bella was such an amazing cook, and even though she worked hours upon hours every day, she still came to her husband and kids in time to make dinner every night, not missing a single day.

“Sounds delicious, but I think I’ll pass, I’m just really tired.” And before anyone could make another comment, the loud bell ringing through the main floor of the house startled Y/N as it’s louder than ordinary – and sounded kind of old and creepy, in her opinion. By the time the constant thud in her chest lowered to a normal speed, she could recognize Bella’s voice in the foyer, meaning she was the one who received their guest, with a deep voice following after saying 'thank you for having me'.

"He's here!" Alex clasped his hands together, a wide smile appearing in his face. Y/N followed him into the living room where Bella was already chatting animatedly with a man; tall and with broad shoulders (but not excessively; just the right amount) his figure was leaning slightly forward as he listened to Bella rambling about all the 'good things he had missed while he was away'. His hands were clasped on his back and when he lifted his head, he made direct eye contact with Y/N without even having to search for her eyes. His brown curls were perfectly placed on top of his head looking extremely soft, and when he ran his hand through it Y/N couldn’t help but swallow harshly. He undoubtedly looked like someone who belonged in Hollywood next to a young Leo DiCaprio and he was definitely older than Y/N – probably already in his 30's, she guessed, but ageing like the finest wine. He had the softest looking wrinkles in the corners of his eyes – those eyes, forest green; reminded Y/N of what used to be home for her. His intense gaze held a lot of emotion, a lot of thought, unlike his face, that appeared stiff and cold, with a slight crease between his brows. His pink, heart-shaped lips were pressed in a line, a cute mole adorning one side of his chin.

"Harry! It's so good to see you, we've missed you." Alex's excitement forced him to drift his gaze away from Y/N, leaving her like a heated teenager salivating for him. Y/N honestly thought he might had left her speechless and most likely with increasing probabilities to make a fool out of herself if someone needed her to talk, as she was certain she wouldn't be able to formulate any coherent sentences.

Harry. It totally suited him, Y/N repeated his name a couple of times inside her head to check on its pronunciation. Alex reached him and pulled him in a big hug, patting each other's back, and Harry's lips broke into a huge smile making a line of pearly white teeth appear. And dimples. God, he had dimples.

This is how I die, Y/N thought.

"So good to see you, Alex." If sex was a sound, his voice would definitely be it.

"Your skin is glowing, Harry. Italy always does you wonders." Bella gushed. And she was right – his skin had this beautiful golden undertone, but it looked natural and radiant, almost like the sun itself kissed and caressed his skin with the softest touches. Alex snapped Y/N into reality when he turned to face her and grabbed her hand to pull her closer to them, starting a long introduction no one was paying much attention to, explaining how he’d missed her arrival, like he even cared, and how she was the Au Pair they’d all been talking about ever since February. It wasn’t until Alex mentioned something about Y/N and Harry probably seeing each other a lot she was suddenly interested in what was actually going on.

“He owns the school the girl’s attend.” Alex directed towards her. Now, Y/N assumed the moment she laid eyes on him he was probably rich – who wears a suit to a Sunday dinner with friends? Rich people are weird, that’s something we can all agree on; but owning a school which’s monthly fees per kid were worth three of her salaries? That was quite unexpected.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Harry." Y/N offered him her hand, trying to sound as casual as possible, even if her skin felt like it was burning under his intense gaze and her eyes were definitely betraying her.

"The pleasure’s all mine, Y/N." He shook her hand. His strong hold sent shivers down her spine; the cold rings making a big contrast against the heat his hand radiated and she couldn't help but fantasize about how his touch would feel in some other places.

The sudden embarrassment feeling hot against her cheeks made her turn around impossibly faster, feeling guilty at the dirty thoughts consuming her brain while around her bosses – and in front of him. Making a beeline straight to her room, announcing she was calling it a night, she sent Harry a quick -but quite charming- smile, and couldn’t help but soften at the sound of Anya running down the stairs yelling an excited ‘Harryyyy’ once she was past the kitchen.

She knew she got lucky with her commodities – an entire studio-like apartment past the main kitchen of the house, where the servant’s area used to be located a handful of decades ago; but she cussed in a whisper when she remembered half way through her making of a sandwich (four hours after she’d retreated to her bedroom and because she decided on skipping dinner that night, not having enough energy to cook) that her lazy ass still hadn’t bought mayonnaise. Her small kitchen had enough space to hold her snacks, along with some ingredients to make a few meals, since she only had to worry about food on the weekends. Reluctantly, she took the small plate holding her sandwich and made her way towards the main kitchen. There was no way in hell she’d eat a sandwich with no mayo – never in a million years, too dry to go down her throat.

I guess they won't mind if I grab just enough to put on my sandwich, she thought. The house was quiet, everyone probably already in bed, therefore she almost pissed herself when she found Harry sitting in one of the kitchen stools, looking down at his phone with an annoyed expression adorning his face. Almost as if he could sense someone was in the same room, he looked up to find Y/N standing at the kitchen threshold, his face abandoning any sort of emotion.

"Hey."

"Hi." Y/N walked towards the fridge on the far right of the kitchen, opposite from where she came in. "Sorry, I thought no one was here."

"Don't worry, just waiting for Bella and Alex to come back down to have some tea, they're putting the girls to sleep. Would you like to join us?" He offered. And honestly, she'd love to say yes and just listen to him talk with that deep, melodic voice, but her stomach was really hating her right now.

"I'm good, just grabbing some mayo. Thank you, though." She declined with a small smile.

"Next time." He sounded more demanding than suggesting, which slightly baffled Y/N. "Can I ask where you are from?" He asked respectfully.

"A small town in the Argentine Patagonia." Y/N replied with her back facing him as she busied herself with the mayonnaise container.

"Never been to Argentina. Or anywhere in South America, actually." And when Y/N turned around, sandwich in hand ready to go back to her room, their eyes met across the kitchen and she felt the heat creeping up her neck for the second time that night. Y/N wondered how his gaze was always this intense – she wasn’t a fan of how they’d barely exchanged a few words and somehow she felt so exposed.

"You should. It's beautiful." She almost, almost, choked on her own words and when she looked down at her fuzzy pink socks and back to him to try and calm her growing nerves down, he surprised her when she caught him looking up and down her body – in any other case she definitely would’ve felt creeped out, but there was something about him, the fact that he definitely didn’t do it with the intention of her catching him (she noticed how he shifted uncomfortably on his seat after the exchange) and how he simply added a “I’m sure it is," afterwards, she knew she was fucked right then and there – she wanted him looking at her. Was that something bad?

But then – then she remembered how she was wearing her soft cotton pajamas, and she began wondering if he was just laughing internally at her outfit instead of checking her out like she initially thought. And just like a save from heaven, Bella and Alex appeared in the kitchen discussing who was picking Ivy up from her friend's house. "Hi Y/N, still awake?"

"Yeah, got hungry. Stole a bit of mayo, hope you don't mind." She shyly held the plate up.

"Please, this is your house too." Alex waved her off.

"Thanks. Gonna go back now." Y/N pointed towards the small hallway that led to her room. "Goodnight." Turning her body to walk away, she caught Harry's eyes, again, still staring at her, but decided on simply walking away, breaking eye contact, making that small interaction their last one for the night.

The following week consisted of Anya and Y/N playing lots of fun games, trying to get a word out of Charlie and Ivy ignoring her for the most part. Her relationship with each of them was completely different, each trusting her at their own peace, getting used to having a stranger around. Anya seemed the only one openly excited to hang out with Y/N every day, and even though she could tell Charlie didn't exactly mind her presence, she still hadn't talked to her as much as she'd like her to.

"What are you up to, Charlie?" Y/N asked the seven year old as she sat next to her in the big playroom they had on the main floor. Charlie kept her gaze locked on her drawing with a handful of crayons on her right hand as she drew with her left. "You're left handed? That's so cool!" Bella had mentioned some time ago that Charlie had a really hard time letting people in, Y/N knew it'd take some time for her to see her as a friend -like she wanted her to- rather than someone who gets paid to hang out with her, but Bella confessed Charlie was actually really excited to meet Y/N, which felt like a small relief, knowing she actually wanted her there – unlike Ivy. Charlie spoke only when necessary and struggled with making friends but her psych pedagogue said she's just really shy and that ‘once she breaks out of her shell, she's unstoppable’. "I love the birds you drew here." Y/N pointed at some small birds sitting in a tree branch.

"Bluebirds." She murmured.

Getting a single word from her was considered progress, in Y/N’s opinion, but that’s all she got for the entire afternoon – even after constantly sending comments her way while playing with Anya so Charlie wouldn’t feel left out, not a single word came out of her mouth. Anya mentioned Harry at some point while talking about her favorite doll (which Harry had gifted her for her 3rd birthday) and the flash of captivating green eyes almost blinded her internally (she couldn’t deny she’d thought about Harry every once in a while this past week)

And it wasn’t until later that same day, after spending a long while sitting alone in a nearby park, she got the chance to see him again – even if he had scared her (almost) to death, she couldn’t help but feel an annoying flutter in her stomach.

She would like to say she loved her long walks during the most unreasonable times at night, but her reasoning behind her late night needs of distraction didn’t exactly thrill her. It was during the quietest and most peaceful times of the day when her mind seemed to speed faster than ever before; the sleepless nights and brain-wrecking thinking of how alone and empty she actually felt, along with the laziness and reluctance when it came to things that used to make her happy weighed her down like carrying a sack of potatoes on her back.

As she was walking past her neighbor's house (the one where she had seen that man with the suitcases last week) she noticed someone sitting on the large porch. Weird, she thought. She hadn't noticed any movement in the house since that night a week ago, to the point she even considered it being empty again. The silhouette seemed oddly familiar though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

"Y/N." She slightly jumped as she heard them call for her, in a strong and deep accent. Was that...

"Harry?" She asked befuddled. Did he live there? She watched as he stood up from his sitting position on the outdoor couch and walked across his front yard to take a closer look at him stopping at the bottom of the short staircase that leads to the porch. "What are you doing up so late?" And then something clicked in her brain – he was probably the man she saw that night, with his suitcases. It made sense, how he probably got home from vacation the same day he had dinner at the Lockehold's – the same day Bella mentioned something about him being in Italy

"Can't sleep." He simply replied, with a small sigh. He then nodded to the seat behind him, and Y/N could physically feel her brain going a thousand miles per minute. She sat on the far left of the couch as he retook his seat on the right, "what are you doing up so late?" He repeated her question.

And Y/N repeated his answer. "Can't sleep."

So they sat in silence, what felt like hours barely being a few seconds. "Didn't know you lived next door." Y/N took the time to take in his side profile - sharp and long nose, the tip curving slightly downwards when he spoke the next line.

"Never mentioned it." He replied apathetically. The unexpected switch in his tone made her immediately shut up, and even though it confused Y/N as to why he would want her joining him if he didn't want to talk, she was dreading going back to her room alone to drown in her thoughts again. She'd take uncomfortable company over being alone when her head got like this, it helped her get distracted; overthinking this situation instead of the same scenarios that constantly lived in her head.

They again sat in silence for a while, this time for longer than a few minutes, and even though it was slightly uncomfortable, there was an unspoken understanding between them. He just wanted company, and so did she. This time, however, it was him who tried for conversation. "Why did you choose England for your Au Pair program?"

"I was actually convinced I was going to choose France," Y/N shared with a soft tone, "but when I met the girls in one of my interviews I just knew I had to come here. Anya was so excited about meeting me, she thought it was already settled." She ended with a small smile on her lips. The memory of Anya smiling happily at her through the computer screen even when she hadn't had met her yet warming her heart.

It was true, the fact that she’d chosen England because of the girls. She wanted to learn French – she knew her way around the English language pretty well; but the French family whom interviewed her didn’t come close to the Lockehold’s at all – she thought maybe the experience of living in a whole different continent with a wonderful family was better than choosing a place because of the language – the experience was being experienced either way.

"Anya is a very special kid. They all are." Harry declared, the left corner of his mouth turning upwards in a small half smile.

Y/N nodded slowly before asking, "How long have you known them?" She could recall Alex saying he was a family friend – but she had no other information about him besides that.

"A while." The small conversation went for a long while, he shared the real reason as to why he was awake so late, explaining how he has struggled with falling asleep ever since he was young, but besides that comment, he kept his life very private; not sharing much information about himself during their chat, and every time Y/N reciprocated a question, he would either answer vaguely or didn't answer at all, changing the subject with another question. "It's really late" He commented, Y/N’s phone reading 1:08am.

"Yeah, I should probably go to bed." She lifted her head to look at him, who was already searching for her eyes. Y/N cleared her throat when a few moments passed by, again, with no one speaking a word. She wondered what could possibly be going through his head at the time, but he nodded, got up and said, "I'll see you around, Y/N." Her name flowed so nicely out of his lips it made her knees get weak. Locking herself in her bedroom (after entering it by the door at the side of the house – which leaded straight to her room) she laid in bed trying to understand why they’d just hang out in his front porch way past midnight when they clearly didn’t know each other very well – or at all, better said.

First day of classes came by in a heartbeat. The first Monday of September Y/N found herself getting up earlier than she was accustomed to, since the girl's sleeping schedule was different during the summer. 6:15am read her alarm when she lazily threw the soft covers off her body. A quick shower and minimal makeup application later, she stood naked next to her bed checking the weather app, as to know how to prepare the girl's clothes.

After putting a soft pink sweater on and a pair of flared jeans, Y/N left the warmth of her room to wake the girls up. Going for Charlie first (since she didn't need any help changing into her uniform and Ivy used her own alarm) she didn't give Y/N any work at all, waking up immediately after softly calling her name once. Picking her uniform from her closet and leaving it for her to change, Y/N left Charlie’s room to walk towards the next door.

"Morning, Anya." She whispered as she brushed some of her hair out of her face. Anya’s little nose scrunched up and a soft whimper left her mouth as she switched positions, now laying on her side, "gotta wake up, love." Y/N shook her arm softly, and she finally opened her eyes, a tired smile creeping up her face as she noticed it was Y/N sitting next to her. Y/N left her to rub the tiredness off her eyes while she picked her clothes (since her daycare was at the same school her older sister's attended -Harry's school, Y/N couldn't help but think- her uniform consisted of only a white t-shirt with the school logo along with any pair of bottoms she chose for the day.

After picking up her cute small rain boots and help her get dressed up, Y/N did a cute hairstyle on her with the small butterfly hair clips she chose, and went back to Charlie's room to do her hair, Anya coming along.

They arrived at their school; a big, period-like brick building with hundreds of students roaming around and a beautiful fountain at the front – which actually made Y/N’s childhood look like a big joke; the school she had attended was located in the middle of the mountains in a remote field.

"I'll be here at two thirty. Good luck, girls, I'll see you later." Ivy walked away sending a 'mhm' her way to let her know she heard her, and Charlie offered a small smile along with a wave and walked away like her sister. Y/N took Anya off her car seat and helped her get out of the car, her tiny backpack sitting on Y/N’s right shoulder as she grabbed the hand Anya offered her.

"Mommy said I have the penguins' classroom!" She said with excitement as they walked through the doors at the right wing of the building.

"That's so cool! I love penguins, let's search for the door which has penguins on it, shall we?" Y/N suggested even though she could clearly see their door at the end of the hallway.

"Yes! This one has elephants," she pointed at the door they were passing, "look, butterflies!"

"Like your hairclips!" Y/N exclaimed, and she giggled nodding her head. "Ah! Look what we found..." Y/N pointed at the next door.

"Penguins!" She skipped towards the door, dragging Y/N along. They entered the big and colorful classroom where they found some kids crying in their parent’s arms, others being as excited as Anya.

"Hi there! Anya, am I correct?" A woman who appeared to be around Y/N’s age came up to them, scrunching down to be on Anya’s eye level. She nodded frantically, excitement dripping from her smile. "My name is Miss Pia, I'm going to be your teacher this year." She introduced herself, Anya gave her an even bigger smile and slyly asked if she could go meet her classmates, to which Miss Pia agreed, asking her to first hang her small backpack in the rack at the back of the room, taking it from my hands and running excitedly to do it.

"You must be Y/N, then?" Miss Pia asked, getting back up to her feet. She was short with blonde curly hair sitting high in a ponytail, rosy cheeks and a cute teacher apron on top of her regular clothes.

"I am." Y/N offered her hand.

"The administration office said we would be having an Au Pair this year, they always give us a heads up with situations like these." She explained, and Y/N nodded as she continued, "we have the parents, nannies or in this case, Au Pairs," they both laughed," stay for the introduction, you can leave afterwards."

"Perfect, I'll sit at the back with the rest of the parents." Y/N ended up staying for about half an hour, smiling at Anya every time she turned to search for her when something exciting seemed to be happening. She won't be needing any adaptation, as Miss Pia said, and she was dismissed right before they had their first trip to the playground outside, taking advantage of the fact that it hadn't started raining yet.

Right when Y/N was walking out of the building, she spotted Harry at the main entrance, reading something on his phone. He was wearing a navy blue suit with a white shirt underneath, and he looked even more handsome in the daylight. She made her way towards him, walking up the marble stairs (marble stairs! In a school?), and when he noticed her, he put his phone away and slowly (and trying to be as discrete as possible – which he failed to, again) looked up and down her body. Something about him giving her his full attention made her insides burn, and she couldn’t help but bit her bottom lip to suppress a smile.

"Hi." She stopped in front of him, taking a moment to look at his eyes; they definitely looked a lot lighter now that there was natural light surrounding them.

"Hi." He repeated, "Dropped the girl's off?" He motioned towards the building with his head.

"Yes, just left Anya’s classroom." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Miss Pia?" He asked, squinting his eyes.

"Yes. She's nice, looks like she knows what she's doing." Y/N shrugged. She didn't exactly know her enough to have a conversation about her – and she most definitely couldn’t be one to talk, since she herself didn’t know what she was doing half of the time. “How’s the first day back been so far?” He got cut off from his next comment by his phone, and the small crease between his eyebrows grew deeper, which didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N. "I'll leave you to it." She announced, but his eyes found hers again, and it was almost like he was asking for her to not leave him to it, but Y/N didn’t trust her instincts, not with him – not when he made her so nervous her brain couldn’t process things around him, and she was scared of misreading his expressions; he was hard to read. Not like she was expert at reading people but he was frustratingly confusing.

They didn't see each other again until a week later on a Tuesday evening – the same day Charlie, Anya and her decided to go for a walk and treat themselves with ice cream from a cute shop across from (what had come to be) her favorite park, Harry and Y/N found each other's eyes across his front garden, just like that night, but this time it was easy for her to recognize him as she could see his face clear and glowing from the sunset shine. His eyes were glued to her until the fence that divided their houses blocked his view, and again, Y/N wondered what could be going through his head.

It wasn’t until after dinner, past her work hours, she decided to leave the house through the door on her room with the sparking curiosity to test if she would run into Harry. Stopping on the sidewalk in front of his house, she noticed he was not sitting outside, and even though that's exactly what she had expected -he was not going to sit there for hours and hours, right?- There still was a small feeling of disappointment that rushed through her, and when she snapped back into reality, it was too late to stop herself as she knocked on his front door.

And Y/N didn’t know where to hide – not like hiding would be less embarrassing but God she did hate herself that moment. The embarrassment running through her veins was painful and made her lightheaded – she knew she had trouble sometimes with not thinking things through, but this was beyond her. He barely knew her. And suddenly his door was wide open.

"Y/N?" Of course she was not lucky enough for him to be asleep and not hearing her knock – life would’ve been too in her favor for that to happen. Of course he was very awake with a half drank cup of tea in his hand and the softest looking pair of grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. "Are you ok? You look really pale." His voice was calm, probably the softest it'd ever been in her presence. At least he doesn't sound mad, Y/N thought.

Harry wanted to be confused, but he was more curious than anything else. For some reason, he felt very intrigued by Y/N – how she seemed confident but insanely insecure at the same time; it reminded him of himself, if he had to be honest. He just learned how to hide the latter.

"Uh, yeah- um, I was-" she nervously turned around halfway to look behind her and back at him again. He raised his eyebrows in curiosity and Y/N really tried her hardest not to step over her words. "I was about to go for a walk, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to join me?" Stupid. So, so stupid, Y/N thought.

"No, I'm good." He replied, finding oh-so-amusing the way her eyes gave her embarrassment away – he was having fun, watching her like a lost puppy trying to think through her next words.

Her mind was, of course, over speeding. She now felt even more embarrassed. Of course he doesn't want to go for a walk, Y/N conscience spoke to her, it's a Tuesday night and he's probably tired and I'm his friends' Au Pair – he probably thinks I'm this young and annoying girl who has a stupid crush and- "would you like to join me?" He interrupted her self-beating up raising his cup and she noticed the half smile adorning his face, almost like he could tell the wheels in her brain were fast-moving.

"Wouldn't want to interrupt-"

"You're not. I wouldn't have invited you in if you were. C'mon in, now. It's kinda cold out here." He disappeared inside of his house, leaving her on his porch with an open mouth and a blank brain. After closing the door behind her and taking her black vans off, she turned on her left as she guessed that was the way Harry went – and she knew she’d guessed correctly when she stepped into a big open-plan concept living room with a giant kitchen on the far back, Harry standing with his back towards her preparing her tea, "sugar?"

"No, thank you." She sat in one of the stools at the kitchen island as she took the scene in front of her. Her very cute (and much older), very hot neighbor Harry, in sweatpants and a very thin white shirt, a small patch of skin showing on his hip, making her tea. His shoulders were broad and she could see his back muscles moving as he poured steaming hot water into the cup, the little curls on his neck so inviting, if only she could run her hand through his soft looking hair just once-

"There you go. Cardamom." He snapped her out of her (probably inappropriate) thoughts, and she thanked him as she grabbed the cup from where he placed it; he stayed in his position standing in front of her on the other side of the island, with his forearms against the cold marble, sipping on his own mug, thinking about how strange it felt to have someone he wasn’t close with sitting in his kitchen after so long. "Why are you up so late?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I figured. I couldn't either, looks like we both have a bit of sleeping issues, huh?" He sounded playful, but tired. Y/N knew exactly how it felt, being so tired but not being able to peacefully go to bed and get some needed rest.

"I remember you mentioning it before, I figured I'd check if you were up. Walking helps me relax, thought maybe you'd enjoy it too." OK, that wasn't entirely true but her reasoning to be there was quite similar – to check if he was up so they could, maybe, share a quiet night like that one a few weeks ago. None of them understood why they found such comfort in each other’s company – none of them felt like they needed to try too hard.

At some point during their conversation they moved to the couch, where they laid with a wide gap between their bodies. "Elton John's was definitely an interesting read. Lots of crazy anecdotes, you should read it."

"Probably not as good as Keith's, but I'll give it a go." He let a dimpled smile creep into his face, turning his head to look at her from across the couch and the annoying turn her stomach made obliged her to return it, just as bright as his. Finding out their music taste was quite similar made Y/N’s insides all warm and fuzzy, he showed her his vinyl collection (which was quite large) and ranted about how the modern industry was missing a rock star with some of that unexplainable essence old rock bands have – to which she respond saying maybe that something that makes them special was the fact that they were old bands... added to the fact that even though she was an old music lover, modern pop was her guilty pleasure.

Their third teacups were long forgotten on the modern coffee table by the time he noticed Y/N’s eyes were slowly beginning to close and he, as last time, said, "it's really late." And Y/N only nodded and tiredly got up from her position, with him following close behind.

"Goodnight, Harry. Thank you for having me even though I came unannounced." She shyly said, her actions still making her embarrassed even though it had already been a couple of hours.

"My pleasure. We should- do this again," He coughed into his hand, and uncomfortably continued, "I enjoy your company." That sentence alone made her heart explode with a thousand emotions, because even though they barely knew each other and it clearly pained him to admit he enjoyed having her around, his presence made her calm but anxious in a peculiar mixture of emotions. All she did in return was gift him a big smile, face hot of embarrassment (a nice kind of embarrassment, that feeling when you just want to smile really big and tightly hug whoever is making you feel that way) and slowly pushed herself up on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Bye." He said lastly, and closed his front door with red cheeks and dimples on display.

- Joey.

#AP #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #age!gap harry #my writing

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boldlybrightsun · 3 years

Text

Jay's natal chart analysis

I am not a professional astrologer and I am still studying astrology so these are based on my opinions and do take them with a grain of salt. This post is not meant to send hate to the idol in any way and is intended only for entertainment purposes and based solely on astrology.

Note: Jay's birth time is not released hence this reading will be updated once he provides his correct birth time.

So Jay has Taurus sun at 0 degrees. 0 degrees is the purest expression of a sign. So expect him to behave a lot like a Textbook Taurus. Being ruled by Venus, Just like Heeseung, he works hard to make a mark on the world with his art.

So Jay's birth time is not released hence his Moon might change signs from Leo to Virgo, So as usual I'll be only covering the aspects.

Jay has Taurus mercury at 14 degrees. 14th degree is a Taurus degree. Taurus mercuries are known to have beautiful voices with earthy tones. Since mercury also rules you way of thinking, Fixed sign in fixed degree so expect him to be really stubborn. Being an Earth mercury further exaggerates this. He's the type of person to not change his opinions and is the type to hold his ground.

Jay also has Taurus Venus at 23 degrees. 23rd degree in astrology is an Aquarius degree. Expect him to bring out something unconventional in expressing his art. He might be the type to bring something different to the table every time while still sticking true to himself. Venus is home in Taurus and hence the Venusian characteristics are exaggerated. Expect him to the best dressed in the whole room. These people have a natural way of attracting others attention.

Jay has Gemini mars at 4 degrees. Gemini mars are inconsistent in their efforts due to their mutable nature. Gemini mars when angry expresses itself in terms of communication. He might be the type of person to talk out a fight. But expect him to not give up since he has a whole Taurus stellium which makes him very very stubborn. Also Gemini mars has trouble channeling their energy into one specific thing. Ruled by Mercury, it shows someone who puts efforts in a lot of things at the same time.

Moving on to his Cancer Jupiter at 9 degrees, Jupiter is exalted in Cancer and 9th degree is a Sagittarius degree. This makes a person really lucky. It also shows a person who has happy-go-lucky personality. These are also the type of people who have really strong and proper beliefs in life. They might be into spirituality and might be religious.

Thank you for making it till here!❤️

#jay park #enhypen astrology #enhypen jay #kpop #kpop astrology #enhypen jongseong #jongseong

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alj4890 · 3 years

Note

I have ask my lovely fanfic write! What if we get Liams POV when Drake and Riley are star gazing at Lythikos. It never really says what Liam was doing when all of this was happening. And we know his room has the best view so how could he not see Drake and Riley laying in the snow? I wonder how he feels knowing he can’t be the one she’s with.

You know, it would have been great if Liam, in canon, had a chance to ask about what MC did when out with Drake, Maxwell, or Hana. As incredibly sweet as he is, he had to have suffered with twinges of doubt and jealousy. I would have loved for him to mention Drake and the MC becoming nearly inseparable at Lythikos, especially after Drake being a jerk in the previous chapters. Here's my take on Liam's POV during that scene.

@gkittylove99 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles @twinkleallnight @lodberg @amandablink @neotericthemis @mm2305 @sfb123 @iufilms

Masterlist

One Night in Lythikos

It had taken a while to finally break free of Olivia, but Liam managed to end her tour of her home by pleading exhaustion. He hated to do that to one of his oldest friends, but she was starting to act like their relationship was more than what it was. He didn't know how to gently break it to her that his own feelings remained unchanged since first meeting her at the age of six.

How could he possibly feel anything more for any of the ladies when a certain American continued to steal his heart?

Liam leaned against his bedroom door after bidding Olivia goodnight. He wished he could have returned downstairs to see Riley once more. Their few minutes of ice skating had not been anywhere near enough the amount of time he needed with her. His lips quirked into a fond smile as he thought of the glimpses he had seen of her with Drake snow skiing. Asking his best friend to look out for her had been the best idea he had ever had.

If he couldn't be with her all the time, at least he could rest easy in knowing she would be cared for by Drake and Maxwell. He couldn't think of anyone better for support and encouragement.

Maybe Hana. That particular lady had surprised him with her genuine sweetness. He was relieved that she was not a suitor who chased after him. After their cronut trip in the capital, he knew that Hana was nothing more than a friend and viewed him as such. He had no doubt that once he chose Riley that she would be a part of their close circle of friends. She had the ability, like Maxwell, to bolster their moods with kindness and a willingness to be of service.

He was thrilled that she and Riley had each other to help them through their first foray into Cordonian society. He had known most of his suitors his entire life and he sadly knew how catty and insulting some of them could be. Court life could be cut throat amongst the nobles. They rarely did anything without expecting something in return. Hana and Riley were both breaths of fresh air in his world. They were nice and thoughtful simply because it was who they were. He hoped once this was over that neither of them became jaded.

After stoking the fire in his fireplace, he poured himself a much needed drink, slipped his overcoat on, and stepped outside.

He walked past the hot tub and stood looking out over the snowy wilderness of Olivia's home. The quiet peacefulness reminded him how hectic his life had become these past few months. He missed his old life and the ease of being a spare to the heir.

He had never envied Leo's place in the royal line. All the expectations and pressures his brother had been under had worried Liam. So much of it was caused by Leo's rebellious nature, yet he knew his older sibling desired to do the right thing for Cordonia. He had tried to encourage him and help guide him towards what was needed from their future king. He had no idea that his efforts would be the central reason behind Leo's abdication.

Somehow, Leo had seen the king Liam could be before anyone else. It was perhaps the greatest compliment his brother had ever given him. Their late night walk though the capital had been eye opening. Once Leo placed the notion of Liam taking the crown in his mind, it felt right. It felt like he had finally found his purpose in this world of theirs. It felt like his destiny.

And now, as he stood there looking over this icy part of his kingdom, he felt the next part of his destiny seem to crystallize.

Riley.

Their meeting in New York followed by Maxwell seeing that the two were meant for something more than a chance encounter pointed at how special she truly was to Liam. Just the thought of her made him smile. The happiness he felt grow with every single moment spent near her was an unexpected delight that life had given him. It was as if she was his reward for not shirking his duty to his country and family.

Liam took a long sip as snowflakes began to fall around him. Flipping his collar up when a brisk breeze blew, he decided to go back inside for the night. He took one last look at the majestic mountains and took a step back. Movement in the valley caused him to pause.

His eyes narrowed as he tried to make out who was down there.

That's Drake.

He shook his head at his friend roaming the countryside without a coat on. Something must have happened to make him leave the manor without it. The man had always been a stickler with making certain one has the proper essentials when outside.

There was only one thing that Liam could think of to drive Drake into rushing out. He must have had a fight with a noble. Given the animosity between his friend and a certain duchess, he knew who had made the freezing temperatures more preferable to her hospitality.

"Drake! Wait!"

Liam froze at the sound of that particular voice. He immediately saw the woman he was unable to stop thinking of run through the snow.

"What are you doing out here, Brooks?"

What is she doing out here? More importantly, why is she chasing Drake?

"I wanted to see if you were okay." Riley replied.

Liam could tell just by Drake's posture that he was shocked. No one else in their lives had ever run after him to see what upset him.

Drake rubbed the back of his neck while speaking in too low of a tone for Liam to hear. The prince found himself leaning out over his balcony's railing, hoping to find out what they were saying.

His eyes widened when Drake pushed Riley down into the snow.

"Hey!" She yelled. "What was that--"

Drake fell back beside her.

Very close beside her.

"Yes, m'lady?"

Since when did Drake ever purposefully use m'lady?

"Drake, this is gorgeous!" Riley exclaimed.

What is gorgeous? What is going on?!

"There's nothing like a meteor shower, especially up here at this altitude."

Liam looked up and saw what they did. He had forgotten how often Drake and Savannah would chart and plan camping trips around these astronomical events. It had become a special time for the siblings once their father died.

And now he is sharing this with Riley.

An unusual feeling crept over Liam as he watched the two lay with their heads close together, pointing up at night sky. A bitterness intertwined with a growing anger that Drake got to do something like this with her. Something romantic.

If anyone should be enjoying this with Riley, it should be me! I'm the one she came here for! I'm the one who longs to simply see her smile. Drake has been cruel about her becoming a suitor. Why is he now being so nice? He got to spend the entire day with her while I was stuck with Olivia. Don't I deserve some part of Riley's time away from the court?

Liam couldn't believe his own thoughts and feelings. He had never been jealous of anyone before. Drake was more than just his best friend, he was family. Yet in this moment, Liam thought he could have easily banished him from the kingdom.

Guilt began to take over his frustration.

Why would I begrudge my best friend receiving kindness for once at court? No one gives him a chance or even an ounce of the respect he deserves. Riley has the ability to cut right through a person's outer appearance and see their true self. How could I selfishly wish to have that all to myself? I want the two people I care about the most to be friends. Don't I?

He watched as Drake stood up then reached to help Riley off the ground.

Is it my imagination or is he holding on to her hand a little too long?

Liam's eyes narrowed as they walked side by side back to the manor. At one point, Riley stumbled causing Drake to reach out and take her hand again.

"Can't have you hurting yourself out here." Drake told her. "The last thing I need is your death on my hands."

Riley's laughter drifted up to Liam.

"I think Bertrand might even be upset if that happened."

"Which is why we are going inside. Dealing with one Beaumont is hard enough." Drake added.

Is he...teasing her?

Liam lost sight of them as the pair headed for the front door.

He turned and headed back into his room, tossing back the rest of his scotch. Once inside, he tore his coat off and went to the fireplace. Bracing his hands on the mantle, he dropped his head forward while dealing with the new emotions flooding through him.

He needed to spend time with Riley. Not only for the sake of seeing what type of queen she would be, but he simply needed her. His mind went through possible activities they could do over these next few days.

Whatever I do, it has to be more romantic than what Drake did tonight.

That thought made his head jerk up. He stared at his reflection in the mirror above the mantle. Had he become a jealous man? Had Riley awakened this unknown part to his personality? Was he going to be petty enough to try and outdo what was most likely an innocent activity Drake had allowed her to take part in?

He honestly did not want to answer any of those questions. He doubted he would enjoy learning what kind of man he truly was.

He rubbed his hands over his face and turned back toward the balcony doors. His eyes fell upon the hot tub outside.

"I'll invite her to share that with me." He said softly.

Plans to do so and how to enhance the romance it presented began to form in his mind.

Liam knew he shouldn't feel this way, but he was bound and determined to make a memory for Riley be one of the two of them sharing an unforgettable romantic moment.

#choices the royal romance #liam x riley #drake x riley #trr olivia #trr hana #trr maxwell #choices the stories you play

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heyitssmiller · 3 years

Text

Clandestine: Chapter Thirteen

Fitting that this is chapter thirteen. It was destined to be unlucky. And it was also the hardest one to write by far. Thanks for being so patient with me. One last cliffhanger, yes? For old time’s sake.

@lumosinlove your characters continue to live in my head rent-free, so thank you!

@donttouchmycarrots is my dude, my pal, my babe, and the best proofreader ever

Special thanks to @wonder-womans-ex for providing what just might be my favorite line in this chapter

Clandestine Masterlist

CW: violence, gun violence, nightmares, anxiety, mentions of food, injuries

Logan woke up to Finn crying.

He was admittedly good at being quiet about it – he muffled any noise into his pillow, body turned towards the wall and curled up tight. It was the shaking that gave him away. Logan wasn’t sure what was going on at first, but his heart just about shattered when he realized. He rolled over to face Finn, pulling him gently into his arms and holding him close. His heart lurched as the redhead shuddered and buried his face in Logan’s chest, arms wrapping around him tightly as he sniffled. Logan screwed his eyes shut and breathed, nice and slow in an attempt to get Finn to match him. He wasn’t sure what was upsetting his partner, but he wanted nothing more than to fix it, to help however he could. Finn leaned further into him and stayed there for what felt like an eternity before he calmed down, breaths slowing and tears drying.

Logan could feel every swell of muscle, every gentle dip between his ribs, the eyelashes that were still wet and clumped together, the way his skin felt all clammy. He wished he could pull him even closer, hold him even tighter, even though there was physically no distance between them. Maybe Finn could find comfort in the confines of his arms, the way Logan had found safety in Finn’s.

“Want to talk about it?” he finally whispered, making Finn tense up again. He peered over Logan’s shoulder to look at their sleeping partner, then looked back down at Logan.

Sometimes Finn just took his breath away. Sure, his eyes were glassy and his nose was red from crying but he was still so beautiful, with muted light filtering through the curtains turning messy auburn hair into shiny copper, seeming to glitter in the sunlight. Big, brown doe eyes looking so incredibly soft as he stared down at Logan. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to being looked at like that. Like he was something to be cherished, something to be adored.

Logan felt his breath hitch.

“Hallway?” Finn asked, glancing back at Leo. “Don’t want to wake him up.”

Logan smiled. He loved learning how all three of them showed love and how it varied depending on which partner they were interacting with. Finn was more teasing with Logan, always throwing jabs and chasing them with happy grins and lots of kisses. With Leo he – well, he still teased mercilessly, but it was softer around the edges. The kind of affection that made him get all squinty-eyed because he was smiling so much and too-tight hugs because he couldn’t possibly hold back. Leo didn’t act that different when it came down to it, but he picked up quickly on what the two of them liked – intertwining his fingers with Finn’s as often as he could, running his hand through Logan’s hair time and time again. The constant motion of his hands was directed at the two of them instead of the lock in his pocket more often than not, a new soothing habit forming quickly. It was adorable. Logan wasn’t really sure how he was different, but he knew he was softer with the two of them more than he’d been with anyone else. He could feel himself turning into a sappy romantic and he wanted to hate it, but he really couldn’t.

Finn scrambled up reluctantly and Logan followed him across the room, nervous and itching to pull Finn back into his arms. He reached for Finn as soon as the door closed completely. “Bad dream?” His stomach dropped when Finn just nodded, biting down on his lip hard as his eyes welled up with tears again.

“I don’t want to go back there.” Finn admitted, voice a soft whisper in the silence of the hallway. Logan sighed and pressed closer, standing on his tiptoes just a little to loop his arms around Finn’s neck. Logan didn’t want to go back, either, but it was different for Finn. He’d been there for longer, after all, and Logan still wasn’t sure exactly what had happened during that time. Finn refused to talk about it, and Logan was too afraid to ask, as selfish as that made him feel. To top it all off, Logan had no idea how to help. Usually bad dreams were only loosely based on reality – but Logan had a feeling these were a little too real. They’d lived it, after all. To wake up from a nightmare and realize it was basically reality…

How could you comfort someone who’s bad dreams were all true?

“I know,” he said simply, lacking the words for anything else and running his fingers through Finn’s messy bedhead soothingly.

“We won’t be there for too long.” Finn said after a while. He seemed to be trying to comfort Logan with the words, even though he was the one who had been crying about it earlier. Logan ached for the redhead. He had such a big heart, always putting others before himself even if he was in a bad place himself. Logan needed to pay more attention, to pinpoint that evasion tactic and not let him get away with it. Everyone needed solace, even the ones who primarily did the comforting.

Finn’s eyes had closed sometime earlier, his head tilted to lean into Logan’s hand, his breath tickling the inside of Logan’s wrist. Logan wiped away a stray tear tenderly and sighed. Finn didn’t seem to want to talk about it. Logan wasn’t going to force him to talk, but he was worried about what would happen if he didn’t talk about it with someone. Sometimes it was nice to talk to someone with an outside perspective – someone who wasn’t in the thick of it like Logan was. So Logan reluctantly let it go for now and tried the next best thing: cheering Finn up.

“And it’ll be nice to bash some heads in while we’re there.”

That earned a laugh from Finn, and Logan felt such stark relief at the sight – it left him a little breathless. It was sad that a genuine laugh from either of his partners was so rare now. Logan felt like he needed to cherish them when they happened.

How depressing was that?

“Bashing some heads in is now on the list, I guess.” Finn murmured, placing a lingering kiss to Logan’s temple, who hummed thoughtfully.

“Do you even know how to throw a punch?”

Finn was in the process of kissing Logan when he said that, which just turned into a laugh against Logan’s lips. “No, but you do.” Logan could hear the smile in his voice. “And that’s way hotter than it probably should be.”

Logan looked up at him nervously to make sure he wasn’t kidding, then relaxed at the honesty in those mischievous eyes. Even upset and stressed, Finn somehow knew what to say to soothe worries Logan hadn’t even told him about. Being in a job like his… well it was ugly. It was brutal and violent and messy and not many people would want to be involved with someone like that – someone with bloodstained hands, too many paranoid tics, and a heavy, guilty conscience.

Finn and Leo didn’t seem to mind all that much, thankfully.

The realization made Logan grin sharply and nip at Finn’s lower lip before delving into another deep, intoxicating kiss. It was too easy, getting lost when he kissed Finn. So much of their surroundings faded away until all he was aware of was the feel of slightly chapped lips against his and hands holding his hips in order to pull him closer. Finn seemed to have that effect on Logan – he always had, ever since that New Years party. He was the kind of person everyone naturally gravitated towards, pulled in without a second thought. It was part of what made him so damn good at his job.

Finn breathed in sharply before kissing him again, heady and sure of himself and making Logan weak in the knees. All five senses were overwhelmed with Finn, Finn, Finn. It thrummed along with his pulse in a steady, loud rhythm. And yet his mind still drifted back to the bedroom with Leo, the thought of joining him back in bed tugging at him just as Finn broke the kiss and pulled him back towards the door, a knowing look in his eyes.

“Sometimes I’m convinced you’re a mind reader.” Logan smiled and willingly let himself get drawn back into the quiet, sleepy warmth of the bedroom. Finn just shrugged.

“Maybe I am.”

Leo was still sound asleep, sprawled out on his back with one leg sticking out from underneath the covers and hanging off the side of the bed at what looked like a very uncomfortable angle. Logan smiled at Finn’s affectionate snort, then followed him back to bed and crawled in the middle again. He curled up on his side, facing the blond as Finn pressed against his back and tangled their legs together. Leo’s hand moved up the bed, searching for Logan’s until he found it and then seemed to drift off to sleep again with a content sigh.

It scared Logan a little, how important the two of them had become in such a short amount of time. They were slowly invading more and more space in his head until his only thoughts seemed to be about them, all the time. Maybe it should be a little worrying, but Logan couldn’t find it in himself to be too concerned – not when the thoughts made his chest feel light as air and his stomach full of butterflies.

***

It was getting close to go-time, and everyone was on edge. The energy was palpable, like an electric current flowing through the group. Shoulders were tense, words were short and clipped, a sense of focus and determination in the air.

Leo had never been part of something like this. The only missions he’d been on were with Logan and Finn and that was it. Having a big group like this, all feeling the same things and wanting the same goal, it was intoxicating. It sucked you in and made you want to be a part of it, too.

But he couldn’t. He was stuck here, on the sidelines, left to wait aimlessly until everyone returned. That meant letting them go and resigning himself to a night of restlessness and worry.

Leo hated it.

He didn’t cling to his partners like he so desperately wanted to. If he did, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to let go again. He didn’t ask for empty promises of being careful, nor did he beg them to be safe. He couldn’t hold them to words they might not be able to keep. But he allowed himself to stare, just a bit. He let his eyes linger over Logan’s steady hands as he loaded his gun and methodically checked it three times, just like always. He watched Finn pull a clean shirt over his head and fiddle with the sleeves, seemingly lost in thought. Leo memorized what he could, just in case. The exact shade of Logan’s eyes, the freckle pattern across Finn’s cheeks and nose. He hated that his brain automatically jumped to worse-case scenario like that, but – well, considering the circumstances and what they’d already been through at the hands of the Snakes… could you blame him?

There was also this feeling in the pit of Leo’s stomach. He wasn’t sure if this was just the anxiety talking, but everything in that moment felt so decided, so final.

It felt like goodbye.

As if Finn knew exactly what was going on in his head, he drew Leo in for a hug and kissed his cheek, lingering for a second before leaning back to meet his eyes. They shared one of those looks – one that expressed a multitude of emotions without saying a single word. When Finn kissed him, it was deep and achingly slow. He was taking his time, wanting to make the moment last as long as he could. Leo knew the feeling. He fisted his hand in Finn’s shirt and pulled him impossibly closer, tilting his head for a better angle and softly running his tongue across the seam of his lips. A gentle rush, a quiet thrill, but still with a noticeable, tangible melancholy.

Leo could still count the number of kisses they’d shared on two hands. That wasn’t nearly enough for him. He wanted as many different types of kisses as he could think of – happy, teasing, soft, hard, tender, and everything in between. He wanted to lose count by the end of the week. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about his partners.

He just hoped they’d get that chance.

Logan pressed up against the two of them, slotting seamlessly into place. Transitioning from kissing Finn to kissing Logan was as easy as breathing – a simple turn of his head and a slight bend to accommodate for the height difference. It was the kind of kiss you were meant to remember. A whirlwind of sweet and passionate, deep and gentle, loving and regretful.

More than anything it just hurt.

Leo’s gut churned as he pulled back and looked at the two of them, lost for words. What was he supposed to say in a situation like this, after all? He didn’t think there was anything he could say to make this easier, or reassure them. Words didn’t seem like enough anymore – they just felt insincere and meaningless. Leo didn’t think he’d ever faced that problem before. Words usually came fairly easily to him, especially if something was important to him. But now they were failing him and it left him feeling even more lost, adrift in a raging sea that he had no idea how to navigate.

“Let’s do this,” Finn said finally, part resigned and part determined, before heading towards the bedroom door.

The rest seemed to happen all at once in a blinding flurry of activity. Goodbyes with the team were quick and rushed and then they were all loading up into cars, green and brown eyes meeting his every once in a while before the doors closed and the engines growled to life.

Leo watched the caravan of cars head down the driveway, then rushed across the wrap-around porch to keep them in his sights for as long as he could until they disappeared behind an outcropping of trees. He kept his eyes trained on the spot and clung to the wooden railing with a white-knuckled grip.

And that was where he would stay. If that was the last place he saw them, it would be the first place he would see them again. He didn’t care if he stood there all night until it bled into morning; he wasn’t moving an inch.

***

Sirius sat in the backseat next to Remus for the drive, which was silent and tense with rising adrenaline and battle plans running through everyone’s heads – especially Remus’. He could practically see his mind working. He’d been planning nonstop for the past two days to make sure that all the loose ends were tied up and that they were doing this the right way. Any illegal processes now could compromise the court trials that would come after putting the Snakes behind bars. Between that and coordinating between the other agencies that were helping them take down the Snakes, it was looking like a Herculean task. They could’ve pulled out the big guns and requested help from the FBI, but no one really wanted to do that. This was personal, after all – for pretty much everyone on the team. The feds could take over later, after everyone was apprehended.

Remus chewed at his lower lip, eyes trained on nothing in particular. The back of his head was highlighted in the headlights of the car behind them, illuminating in a startling contrast to the rest of the dark interior of the van. Sirius stared and stared until he just couldn’t help it. He reached over to turn Remus’ head towards him, then ran his thumb lightly over that abused lower lip until Remus let it go. Color seeped back into it, turning the pink a darker, cherry red. Again, Sirius stared. That mouth quirked into a teasing smile.

“You’re going to chew a hole in your lip if you keep that up.” He said and looked up into honey-colored eyes, slowly pulling his hand back. Remus just huffed under his breath – a short, nervous shadow of his normal laugh.

“Yeah. I could really go for some chapstick right now.”

Sirius smiled, pulling Remus towards him and kissing him gently, reverently. It still kind of blew his mind, how much things had changed in the past few months. Remus used to hate him. Well, maybe hate was a strong word, but they definitely weren’t friends. And now here they were, making out in the back of a van. Even though their mission was coming to an end and Sirius really wouldn’t have a reason to stay in Gryffindor any more, he could no longer fathom leaving. Remus played a huge part in that, of course, but Sirius also had friends now – real friends who didn’t try to use him constantly or only contacted him when they needed something. He had a home, as ridiculously cliché as that sounded. Nothing about Slytherin felt like this, and it made Sirius wonder if he’d ever actually had a place to call home before he found himself in Remus’ tiny apartment with the dying houseplant and the lumpy couch and an entire cabinet devoted solely to mugs.

The kiss turned softer until Sirius pulled back and just looked at him, an overwhelming rush of emotion in his chest. Remus wasn’t his home – one person couldn’t be all of that, Sirius knew that much – but he sure was a big part of it.

Remus licked his lips thoughtfully, tasting Sirius’ chapstick. “What flavor is that?”

“Pina colada.”

“Nice.”

That made Sirius smile again. “It’s going to be fine, Re.” Sirius reassured and tucked Remus against his side. It was an awkward squeeze in the back of a van, but neither of them cared.

“Yeah,” Remus sighed, sounding like he was trying to convince himself. “We’ll be ok.”

They both flew out of their seats a little when the van hit a pothole, smushing them closer together. Sirius pressed a kiss to his temple, soft and lingering, before speaking up again. “Do you want to talk through the plan once more?”

Sirius always found that talking through things helped calm him down. Saying the facts out loud tended to get rid of the unnecessary fears going on inside his head, plus it made him feel more prepared. And he knew Remus was the same way, from all the times he’d helped the analyst plan missions.

This earned him a soft, thankful smile and then Remus was off, talking a mile a minute about strategies and backup plans and anything else he could think of. Sirius let his voice wash over him and tried to ignore the dread settling in the pit of his stomach.

***

Leo didn’t know how long he stood there, gaze never once wavering from the treeline, when Hope joined him. She held out a mug for him, full of what looked like hot chocolate and a thick layer of whipped cream. Leo smiled faintly in thanks and took it before returning to his vigil. It was so quiet outside. No crickets like back home, no wind whistling through the trees, nothing. It set Leo on edge.

“So,” Hope mercifully interrupted the silence, “I heard you like to cook.”

Leo looked over at her, more than a little confused at the non sequitur. “Yeah. I do.”

She traced along the grain of the wooden railing, avoiding the chipping paint. “Those boys might be hungry when they get back, and that’s a whole lot of cooking to do by myself. Care to lend a hand?”

Leo snorted at the accidental pun and looked down at the hand trapped in a sling. He knew what she was doing, and he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad. He could definitely use the distraction.

“That sounds perfect.” He said and followed her inside, only casting one glance over his shoulder at where the driveway disappeared and the woods began before he joined Hope in the warm glow of the kitchen. Lyall and Jules were there too; they had the refrigerator door thrown open and seemed to just be staring at the contents. They looked so alike, standing side by side like that. The same slightly-bowed legs and identical shades of brown hair. Lyall gave his son a mischievous look, reached for the can of whipped cream, and squirted some directly into his mouth while Jules watched on with his jaw nearly on the floor.

“I didn’t know we were allowed to do that!” he gasped and snatched the can from his dad. A few seconds later there was whipped cream in his mouth. And on his chin, cheeks, a little on his nose…

Hope sighed good-naturedly. “You’re teaching our son bad habits and making a mess.”

Lyall just bent over laughing, a snort escaping every once in a while.

Leo smiled as Jules tried to get all the whipped cream that missed his intended target with his tongue, eyes crossing in the process. He took a sip of his hot chocolate and leaned back against the kitchen counter as Lyall kept pointing to places on his face that Jules had missed. Hope shared a look with Leo and rolled her eyes in a “what can you do?” kind of gesture. It was all so lighthearted and affectionate and exactly what Leo needed in that moment.

He wondered if Hope somehow just knew these things – it was definitely possible. Mother’s intuition and all.

“So what are we making?” She asked, tying her hair up while Lyall threw an apron over his neck. Jules was still working on the whipped cream.

Leo shrugged his good shoulder. “What do you have in the pantry?”

“So much!” Jules exclaimed, deeming his face good enough and throwing the pantry door open. “We’ve got pancake mix, potato chips, poptarts, hot dog buns-”

***

The take-down mission was going about as well as expected.

Which meant that it was going well, but it was also a chaotic disaster at the same time. Fitting, right?

Agents were everywhere, it seemed, outnumbering the Snakes at least three-to-one. The Snakes were scattering, running for the exits and fighting tooth and nail to get out – whether that was with weapons they had or just their fists, they weren’t going down without a fight. But even if they made it out, they were met with another line of defense waiting for them in the form of the Durmstrang agents.

Remus really had the op planned out to the last contingency, it seemed.

Logan and Finn were headed down an unfamiliar hallway, looking for stragglers to round up and escort outside. Most Snakes had joined the main fight to get out, sequestered in the entryway. Logan was glad they were tasked with this, though. There were too many familiar faces back there – Greyback, Lestrange, Snape. Logan wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that just yet. Between that and the sound of gunshots echoing in his head… well, let’s just say it brought back bad memories. And even though it wasn’t the best utilization of his skillset, he hadn’t been separated from his partner. He’d learned from experience what a bad idea that was. When this was all over, he wasn’t letting the two of them out of his sight for at least a week.

God, he couldn’t wait for this to be over.

Movement caught his eye and his gun was instantly up and aimed at the person. Yellow eyes landed on them and Logan held his breath, every muscle tensing and adrenaline spiking.

Logan knew they had direct orders to bring the Snakes in alive, but it was much harder to think about that when he was staring Riddle down from the sights of his gun. He knew exactly where to aim – he’d seen it mapped out on Leo’s chest, memorized the angry red wound contrasting against the gentle slope of his collarbone. A shot not intended to kill, but to inflict unfathomable levels of pain – another thing Logan had branded into his memory. A shot that was intentional, designed to send a message. And Logan definitely wanted to send back a reply.

Riddle recognized them and got this smug gleam in his eyes. “Long time, no see.”

Logan’s finger twitched against the trigger.

“Trust me, we’re planning on never seeing you again.” Finn said, then sighed dramatically. “And it looks like that dream is going to become a reality, since we’ve got all the evidence we need to lock you up for – what do you think, Logan? Two life sentences?”

“I’m banking on three.”

“But it’s not really up to us, now is it?” Finn shrugged. “If it were, I think you’d be dead by now, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see what the judge says.”

Riddle still looked remarkably calm. And it was that ego, that sense of infallibility that ended up being his downfall. “All the evidence you have is circumstantial. Any decent lawyer can get those charges dismissed.”

“Sure.” Finn’s smile turned lethal, knowing he had Riddle right where he wanted him, ready to deliver the final blow and relish in the aftermath. “But I think all that detailed information on the flash drives can put you away for a long time. Why seven flash drives, by the way? Lucky number?”

Riddle’s smile faded in increments as the realization struck. “That’s not possible.”

“Oh, it’s very possible. You can thank the guy you shot for that.” Finn said darkly. They watched the gears turning in Riddle’s head, then the way his face turned from pale to a sickly green. His hand went to the inside pocket of his jacket where his flash drive used to be – where the fake one now was, switched when Riddle had pulled a bleeding, agonized Leo close to taunt Logan and Finn through his microphone.

Yeah. Karma was a real bitch sometimes.

Logan smiled, grim but glad to finally be putting this guy behind bars. “You’re coming with us.”

***

“Yo,” Pots said into a phone, a grin almost too wide on his face, “we got some stinky bastards over here. Can you come get them please and thank you?”

Remus snorted at his antics, no doubt talking to the FBI since processing criminals was in their jurisdiction now and not Gryffindor’s. He almost wished it was on speaker phone – he would’ve loved to hear their response.

Remus found Sirius waiting in the parking lot, watching all the Snakes get corralled into transport vehicles and taken to whichever prison they were being kept in until the trial. Some of their own agents were by the ambulance getting tended to, but there weren’t any serious injuries, thank god. Talker took a superficial gunshot to the thigh and Kuny’s arm got grazed by a bullet but everyone else was fine. The element of surprise and the backup by the other agencies really did wonders. That and the fact that they were all armed to the teeth and not even thinking about leaving this job unfinished. They had a pretty good reason to win this round, after all.

He couldn’t believe it was all over. This mission had taken months and lead to way too many problems, but they were finally done with it. They could finally move on. Remus was thinking of taking the next week off of work and spending it at the cabin, just him and Sirius. A much-needed vacation sounded like a dream right about now.

Sirius’ back was to him, but he heard Remus coming and didn’t flinch when long arms wrapped around him, tight and secure. He leaned back into the familiar warmth behind him and let himself be held. He’d been great in there. Remus had been a little worried about letting him come, afraid that taking down people he’d worked with for years would be too hard for him or – even worse – that his presence would be a bright red bullseye for the Snakes. Luckily, there had been so many other agents and so much chaos that most of them had only noticed Sirius and Regulus in the aftermath, when it was too late to do anything about it.

“We did it.” Remus murmured, letting go and stepping around to gauge Sirius’ reaction. The raven-haired ex-Snake smiled at him, a hint of something warring with the relief on his face.

“We did.” He finally said, eyes flitting from Remus to the action around them. He still looked a little uneasy, after everything. Remus couldn’t blame him – sometimes it took a while for the adrenaline to wear off and for reality to set in. “Doesn’t feel real just yet.”

Remus grinned wolfishly, letting the victorious feeling wash over him. “It’s real.”

“Sirius Black?” One of the other agents inquired, causing the man in question to turn around.

“Yes?”

The agent pulled out a pair of handcuffs, looking very bored of the current situation. “You’re under arrest for the crimes you committed with the Snakes organization. If you could put your hands behind your back-”

Remus stepped forward aggressively, staring the agent down. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The agent didn’t flinch. “Following orders. Even if he quit the Snakes, he’s still got to answer for what he did during his time there.”

“But he’s helping us – he’s a consultant for our agency. He’s got immunity.” Remus looked between Sirius and the agent, running a hand agitatedly through his hair at the blasé attitude of the agent.

“Take it up with my boss.”

It was all happening so fast. Remus was still reeling from the mission, his brain struggling to keep up with the new situation. The agent started to lead Sirius away when Remus shouted, “Wait!” He hurried to stand in front of Sirius, caramel eyes hard and fierce and determined with an underlying blaze to them as they met silver. He didn’t care if he was making a scene; he didn’t care who was watching. The only thing that mattered was the man standing in front of him, eyes resigned and – unsurprised.

He knew this might happen. And he hadn’t said a word about it. He came on this mission willingly, knowing this was the way it could end.

Remus would have to come back to that.

“I’m going to fix this. Ok?” Remus met his gaze firmly, letting the honesty drip from his words.

The ex-Snake nodded quickly, trustingly. The sight was a little nauseating, because what if there was nothing Remus could do? Sirius was counting on him now; he couldn’t stand the thought of letting him down, not when he was looking at Remus like that – like Remus could fix anything, when Remus knew damn well that he couldn’t. His chest seized up and he held his breath, gritting his teeth resolutely. He’d find a way. He had to.

Sirius was loaded into the back of a car, his brother already cuffed and waiting in the seat beside him – no doubt being charged for the same thing. Their faces were stony masks, tense and unreadable.

From the next car over, Riddle watched with a smile.

#lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast #coops #sirius black #remus lupin #o'knutzy #finn o'hara #logan tremblay #leo knut #clandestine #cw: violence #cw: gun violence #cw: nightmares #cw: anxiety #cw: food #cw: injury

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