#(me @ this series: literally why it's been 6+ years JUST .... ANSWERS ..... PLEASE)

[ngage2003]

Hi I love your mh character analysis posts they are so GOOD, would you be able to do more about Tim pretty please :]

First of all, Thank you :-)! Second of all, yeah I have some things I can say about Tim, though a bit funnily, they are a bit discoordinated compared to some of my other analyses.

After all, out of all the characters in Marble Hornets, Tim Wright is the one we know most about, as his life is laid out for us pretty definitely over the course of the series. Because of this, my focus tends to be on his metaphorical other half, Masky, but I do have some things to say about the two of them and their upbringing, and a few unanswered questions which I will try to satisfactorily put my pen to.

⟦content warning: discussions of child abuse/dangerous households, suicide, hospitals, and wildly off the rails theorycrafting⟧

Alright, so why is Tim a system? This is a question some of you may raise your eyebrow at if you're unfamiliar with DID but stick with me here. We know that Tim only started being taken by the Operator and having seizures in 1995, when he was a child, but over seven years old. (I'll get into how we know this later.) We as a society honestly don't know a lot about Dissociative Identity Disorder and its sisters but one thing we do know is it is caused by extensive stress/trauma inducing dissociation in a extremely young childhood, usually under the age of seven if not even younger, where the mind dissociating from trauma to protect itself causes it to fail to coalesce/develop properly into one identity. That is the main theory behind how DID forms, and given that Tim is only seeming to be extensively exposed to the Operator at seven, but would that be enough for Tim to develop DID? Alex didn't develop it, despite also being hinted at having been exposed to it at the same age.

Note: In enttry #37, we see a home video of Alex at 6 years old in 1991, with heavy Operator distortion implying that it has somehow corrupted this tape and/or was here. This combined with the fact Alex repeatedly goes to a playground to confront/find the Operator in my opinion more or less guarantees that he saw it as a young child. This makes sense especially considering the original "Something Awful" forum pictures in my opinion. Alex's backstory with the Operator basically directly references them, which would make sense since they literally inspired the series.

Granted, you could just hand wave this or go "ok but who cares, they probably weren't even trying to make a character with DID," and yeah, you're right, but I want to actually look at Tim's character and explore his childhood a bit to try to understand it, especially in relation to this fact.

Our main fount of information in relation to Tim's childhood is Entry 66 and Entry 60.5. I am going to start with the latter, for a few very specific reasons.

See, in Entry 60.5, we actually get to see 5 of Tim's medical documents, not just one. This is a fact that is seemingly forgotten a lot by the fandom, and I wanted to get into it for my speculation.

The first document we see though is a Pediatric Admissions Profile from December 12th 1995, followed up by a Pediatric Admissions Assessment of the same year at 11:45 A.M. I do not believe these records are from his institutionalization, but rather a hospital visit that directly proceeded it, one that was probably caused by Tim having a seizure at home and needing to go to the hospital, but lets take this one step at a time.

These Admissions forms explain that Tim's conditions and symptoms at his time of admittance, ones we know well as products of Operator exposure. They also give us a precious piece of information that never comes up again though.

Tim's mom's name.

Janet Wright answers all the questions on the Pediatric Admissions Profile, and it is through her answers that we learn several facts, like that Tim has completed 2nd grade at the time of these papers, (meaning he is probably in 3rd,) and that he is on an anti-convulsant, along with the fact he has a history of falls, apparently needs/has glasses, has emotional barriers to learning, that someone has smoked in the house in the past year, and that Tim lives at home alone with her.

This is something reaffirmed on the PA Assessment, which was probably something that either a nurse or his Psychiatrist filled out by asking Tim himself questions.

Under Category 5., Assistance required for Care, there is a part where it says that for emotional support, "Child relys on: Mother (✓) Father ( ) Sibling ( )". Additionally, it also says asks, "who else besides parents might be staying with child?" Which is answered with a Not Applicable, along with the question, "has your family had any recent changes in your life? (moved, divorce, birth, death, new job, etc.)" Which is also answered with a no.

It continues, and we learn from it that Tim has poor orientation to time along with his chronic headaches, as well as signs and symptoms of depression, as well as that he struggles to engage with peers his age and doesn't have/begin hobbies.

Most importantly though, it is mentioned that his condition isn't affected by his household, which could refer to simply his seizures, but I think is important to mention given his depressive symptoms. At least in this moment, it doesn't seem like to the person doing the assessment that Tim is depressed due to his mom.

(Though that can be hard to pick up on but regardless.)

We also learn that he experiences high risk on a Fall Assessment Scale, as he is checked off as "confused, disoriented, hallucinating, combative," and having a history of "syncope, seizures,"—which is underlined—"postural hypotension".

I believe he only really started to have seizures this year though, as it is mentioned under "Plan of Care" that he ran away from home two "somethings" ago before being found at Rosswood, which I believe to be weeks or months. (If it was two years, why still mention it here?) I don't think that Tim ran away though, but rather, was taken and teleported by the Operator and Operatortured, an event that left him having chronic seizures. After all, despite Jay being exposed to the Operator for years, we only see him begin to have those only after the Operator snatches him in Entry 72. I think this snatching/possible Operatorture is key in it inducing/beginning to induce seizures.

Moving on though, two of the next three documents are from the same day, with both being from 7/8/02.

The first (Delayed Therapy Communication Form) that we are shown being filled out at 15:10 or 3:10 PM, and the second being an assessment (Suicide/Self-Harm Assessment Tool) that was filled out at 8:45 in the morning, probably by hospital staff in preparation for therapy later in the day. On the latter, Tim was left with a rather high suicide risk score, and a comment of supposedly untrustworthy answers.

There is a document that Jay reads sandwiched between these two though, from 1/10/Year Redacted. It is a Brief Operative Progress Note, about a procedure seemingly in relation to an unmedical wound with a ton of redacted information, and based on placement and the fact "Hoody" purposefully arranged the papers like this, I believe he was trying to imply to Jay that this was a suicide attempt by Tim at the start of 1996, which led to his hospitalization.

-

Wow. Ok. That was a lot. Let's summarize and break down the facts though.

At the end of 1995, Tim Wright is being raised by his single mother, Janet Wright, with it being unclear if his dad was ever in the picture. Tim was probably in 3rd grade at the end of 1995, which puts him at around eight to nine years old. At this point, he seemingly had a history of seizures, but around this time he also started showing symptoms of depression, hallucinations and even supposedly "ran away" from home at one point.

It seems like Hoody, based on how he organized these papers, seems to want us to think that at the start of 1996, Tim had either a suicide attempt, or a violent episode that could've been misconstrued as a suicide attempt.

Note: Personally, I think it was misconstrued. I say this because well, we know how the Operator can warp reality, and in Entry 66 Tim says, "My mom [sent me inpatient] when I was really young, but she never told me exactly why," and that the doctors seemingly gossiped about the fact he had violent episodes and hallucinations which led to him being institutionalized, which he doesn't remember. Of course, maybe Tim was just lying to Jay and leaving stuff out, but based on the rest of this scene and everything else he says, I find that unlikely. I think it is possible that Masky tried to defend himself and Tim from the Operator and got hurt in the process, and due to his lack of verbality and strange/differing behavior from Tim's, it was interpreted as a violent and/or suicidal episode cause by a hallucination. Either way, none of this does align with the fact the wound is "clean," but that could be more about it not being infected and/or recent than a clean cut.

Either way, after this, in conjunction with advice from doctors and the stress of caring for a mentally ill child and hospital visits/bills, Janet Wright admitted Tim into inpatient care.

It is after this point, (based on dialogue from Entry 66,) that we know Tim sort of fell out with his mother, as she "wasn't really around" for him to ask things. I can't say why she distanced herself from him, and honestly that is where my sympathy runs dry for her, but we know based on what Tim doesn't say that he more or less didn't have any family. His mother was probably raising him on her own, and her decision to put him inpatient probably had to do with the fact she just couldn't care for him and genuinely thought it would be better/safer.

Ok. Cool. Unfortunately, still none of this answers the question as to why Tim is a system. Based on all this supplementary evidence though, I do have two kind of routes/ideas I could see as possible/likely which I want to share, so pick your poison.

A】 Janet Wright was neglectful, either by accident or on purpose.

Neglect can cause DID, especially severe emotional neglect causing a disruption in child development, and if Tim's dad was never in the picture, along with the stresses of being a single mom, it could be hard for Ms Wright to meet Tim's needs. Maybe she didn't even want to be a parent, but found out she was pregnant to late, and so decided to "give it a shot."

The real mold in the juice box for this theory though is the fact that Tim's medical records (Pediatric Admission Assessment, Page 2, 6. Abuse/Neglect/Exploitation Screen) answers no to "evidence of neglect by caretakers." Granted however, this is when Tim is in 3rd grade, and it can be hard to always pick up on emotional neglect. Perhaps it could be misconstrued as depressive symptoms for example, and Tim's issues with starting hobbies and connecting with peers could be due to him not being properly socially met/developed growing up, but honestly I am unsure how I fully feel about this theory.

What it comes down to is just that, besides knowing she smokes regularly, we don't know much about Janet Wright, and while she fell out of touch with Tim, that could be for literally any number of reasons. Demonizing her or deifying her both kind of make me grimace. Maybe she blames herself for his condition and her guilt drives her away, and after a while she felt it would be wrong of her to go back after abandoning Tim in the first place. Maybe she just never wanted a kid and took the option to ditch him. The point I am getting at is we just don't know.

Which is what brings me to theory two.

B】 Tim's dad was in some way abusive, causing Janet to leave him to protect Tim but leaving him with trauma.

It would explain why Tim's dad isn't in the picture in a way that feels concrete, and why Tim never tried to reach out to his dad's side along with why he has DID. Maybe too, if Janet was in an abusive relationship, that somehow got in the way of her reaching out to her side of the family, which is why Tim never did either and why she didn't have any help for raising him and dealing with his conditions.

I don't really have much to say on this one either, but it would explain why there isn't direct evidence of neglect along with why his mom isn't blamed for his depressive symptoms by the doctor and why Tim said in his Assessment that he relies on his mom for emotional support. That is because he does, but they were just unfortunately in a situation for a while where he couldn't properly get it.

Sure, she probably isn't perfect, but in this reading she does care for him, and did try to get him a better life.

I think this would especially make sense when you consider the fact that Masky, Tim's protector alter, has a feminine presentation.

Often alters formed in especially early youth will take heavy direct inspiration from their environment, especially parents. Maybe since Tim's mom did protect him some of the time and eventually got him away from his dad, this idea of her and by extension femininity as a whole being this unstoppable, almost deified force of nature stuck with him on a subconscious level. She was fierce and seemed impenetrable, especially to a little kid who idolizes their caregiver in the face of abuse, and I think that influenced why Tim's brain made a protector like Masky that is simultaneously feminine aligned out of the blue and so aligned with defending people/defensive violence.

Because yes, Masky is violent, and often they do threaten/attack Alex with "Hoody," but that could easily be because they remember the fact Alex attacked them in Entry 56/57 along with stuff like the fact "Hoody" most likely told them about how Alex killed him and needs to be taken care of. They know Alex is dangerous, and so a lot of their actions are protective or in an attempt to save other people.

Like, in Entry 35, their motives can be hard to read, yes, but if they just wanted to fight someone they could have easily gone for Jay instead of running past him to get Alex. I actually think they could've easily been waiting here because they knew Alex was following Jay and this was the last place Jay was, and they wanted to stop Alex from getting to him because he could (and literally does) try to kill Jay. Along with this incident, they stop Alex from shooting Jay and Jessica in Entry 52, and seemingly distract him while those two escape and drive away to safety. They also act to protect/save Jessica from the Operator and Alex with Hoody in Entry 76. They also seemingly only stop directly working with Hoody after he hurts Tim, i.e. causing him to have a seizure to trigger them out, which Masky seeming to sever their partnership over.

Listen, there's no answer as to why Masky is feminine, and maybe there doesn't need to be, but based on how DID works and Masky's general behavior, to me it is obvious that they took subconscious inspiration from something, and I think it could be how their mom protected them and Tim.

Note: This is not to say Masky and Tim have a maternal/parental relationship, even if Masky is partially based on their mom in an abstract sense. In my opinion, they have a relationship almost similar to like, how siblings will go through trauma together and be bonded by that fact because they wholly understand what the other person is going through, or how a slightly older child might try to take care of a younger one and be parent-ified but still while not holding the authority and control of a parent, though obviously different because they're a system. I guess my main point though is that they're equals, and Masky loves Tim very much. Masky does have some power over Tim because they cause amnesia when they front during traumatic episodes and accidentally puts him in danger sometimes, but ultimately they have a more push-pull relationship to me, even if Tim isn't aware of it. Because, even if Masky does front sometimes, Tim is usually the one in control almost all of the time. But really that's another post I could make lmao.

Either way, whatever way you think Tim got DID, one thing is clear. His life fucking sucks.

-

If you want my personal belief on what his childhood is like, taken with a bit of salt, I don't think Janet Wright is purely innocent, (she could've very easily been incidentally neglectful given the vagueness of the circumstances,) but I do think that Tim's dad could have been a shithead if only because of how it parallels my Alex headcanons and I like that, along with Masky being based on their mom aesthetically to some extent.

(As a system, I loveee system weirdness.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.

[auset66]

PSYCHIC READING 🔮

If you feel called out from this picture or anything numbers or just feel like yes it does have my message. Go on. (No it's not tarot I am doing it just on my intuition.) 🌸🪻

Yes? Go on sweetie your personal message Is just below this. 👇

First I want you guys to hang tight cause for some it could be all for some it could be just one or here there. It is going to be a bit messy so please understand. Please let me know if it resonated. 🪽

A wish a dream of yours I see is comming true. Very soon very unexpected way. You even forget about it yourself. And you won't even notice it yes, you will realize it after Some time. Like oh yeah I remember I cried over it to stars year ago or so. I almost forgot.

Purple and crown Chakra. Meditation at 444 frequency anything maybe at this time will help.

God I might sound complete crazy but whatever here it is if you feel like something supernatural wanting to connect to you. Well this is the confirmation. Yes you are not on oh my god honey I am getting tingles. Amethyst, mountainy regions, fog, rain, lake, flowing water, you felt it.. it was real. You want to get clear picture? Try free writing or something or oh my god see what you are writing about these days? What type of character? The song? Just whatever it is. Or what are you drawing? When you are like absentminded typish. The clarity about it is there.

What recent series or manga or anime got you hooked? It has answers to your carrer path. Like the struggle, the relevance, how the character overcame it. Not maybe necessarily the same carrer but similarish problems.

Your cup of coffee. Try switching. Seriously what is even this? Oh. Yes if there is someone you are bonded over coffee or you know this one particular thing or person you associate with coffee. Yes. Time to switch. Yes. Yes.

Talk. Extend. Family. Friend. A cousin who or a friend or even your own sibling. Someone who you still close too offcourse but haven't talked with for quite some time. Talk to them. They very very very clearly need a safe support system. You. Go and talk. Not small talks or chats. Meet and get the tea. Something very major is going on and your advice is important.

Greece. Venice. Artic? Switzerland? is calling you. If you have been planning to go. Finally take the trip. Don't postpone it thinking again And again some other time some other time.

If a certain god/goddess is calling. It is new yes I am way too very sure. Something foreign to you. It could like you seeing them a lot on Pinterest or you just know. You would know instantly. Read and understand about that God/goddess. The life story and all the mythologies. Understand it on psychological level on material level. Like what it could mean and how and everything. Well just let yourself be know about it. The path further Will open. You will know yourself what to make of it.

Skipping parts? Don't? Make it known oh my god. Guys. (88) and yes. Okay. So in workplace or whatever. Well don't hide yourself. Let everyone know what you did. And what is your work. Who are you. Don't hide. Shine. And reclaim your original work. Don't let people (16:16) steal away your work, your ideas your, your limelight. Let everyone know your truth your originality.

Crazy tubelight? Just lock loose? Neighbours. Beware of your surroundings. Especially if you live alone. Look around and be aware of what is going on around you. Who is around you. Online too be aware. Don't overshare unless you are completely sure.

Unexpected turn. No in 6 months. I am so so very sure. Whatever you think impossible now. Yes Something totally absurd totally unexpectedly totally not really shocking but yes very unexpected that you can't even think of is going to happen. Just really trust me this. Especially if you are wearing something like with red dots on white or white dots on red typish dress or something anything. Even a bow red.

These are so random I literally don't know what I just wrote and why I wrote it. Let me guys know if you liked this type of reading?

Good bye and take care. And take those meds please. Your family doesn't hate you sweetie. Live and laugh. Bye-bye 💕💕🪻

[sparklecarehospital-archive]

Idk if you've talked abt this but why did you split doom/mood into two characters?

This is on the preboot section of the FAQ but since the site is down I understand that's not accessible atm, so I'll answer. Just a note for people reading this, most times questions about the preboot make me a bit uncomfortable because I don't like talking about it much, I have trauma from things that happened to me during its existence, and it's why I find defending of the preboot to be extremely disrespectful. Please don't take this as an opportunity to spring a bunch of preboot questions at me. Thank you.

Anyways, the series of events that led to me splitting Doom into two characters and the way things changed over time are kind of a winding road. Doom, in the preboot, was very badly written. I made him appear to be way more sympathetic than I actually intended originally, he was supposed to be "cutesy but misleading" and people ended up liking him more than I wanted originally, even to the point of getting mad about Uni existing because a lot of people shipped preboot Doom with Barry (2016-2017 were A DIFFERENT TIME) and didn't like Uni taking the role of love interest. Some events in my personal life ended up completely souring my view of preboot Doom, and he just started making me upset and I didn't like him anymore.

So when the reboot was first being developed, I decided that I would "split" Doom's personality traits into two characters. Cutesy and murderous. Reboot Doom was originally going to be a horrible person and completely irredeemable, and there's even traces of some of these negative traits in his presence in V1 and V2 (which, amongst many other reasons, is why we have plans on remaking those volumes at some point) that have ultimately been retconned by now. A LOT of stuff has been retconned. The reboot is gonna be six this year and so much has changed. Doom is not meant to be irredeemable and a horrible person anymore. Which is interesting, because that was the entire purpose of splitting him into two characters. It made so much more sense for that role to be taken by Cuddles, seeing as he's the OWNER of the hospital and everything.

Recently I got a weird comment about the Doom dress thing being "inconsistent" with skulls character, but that one specific character trait has not been present for like 4 years out of 6. Skull is even literally trans now. They weren't trans when that was a thing. I know that might not be easy for some people to wrap their head around when a lot of people only discovered the comic last year and haven't kept up with the gradual changes in his characterization inside and outside the comic, though, and I'm sorry about that.

Sorry for the long answer. It's complicated stuff.

[bumpkinspice0]

Recovery Time Chapter 8

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

No use of y/n

Rating: Explicit (Minors do not interact!!!!!!)

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: November is here, winter creeps closer, and feelings become more real.

Warnings: Like none? Typical angst, fluff, desperation??

Series Masterlist

Previous - Next

AO3

_______________

Chapter 8: Storm Brewing

The garden was finally bare, the soil tilled over and weeded of its dead occupants. Precious loved herbs and other plants dug up and brought inside to last the winter. Seeds sorted and stored for next year. Harvest time was over and the dirt can lay in rest for another winter. October had come and passed, the early days of November bringing a new chill to the air. 

Joel helps you prep the garden soil for next year and he almost wishes he hadn’t offered. You had buckets of compost stored and ready to enrich the soil, nasty smelling stuff. Vegetable scraps, egg shells, bones— garbage really. He was helping you spread garbage around your dead garden. He’s done stranger things, he supposes. 

“Please tell me this is the last one,” He sighs, dumping out the final nasty, juicy contents from the last 5-gallon barrel you rolled out.

“It’s the last one,” you scoff, raking the dumped contents evenly over the soil’s surface. “You can start putting the leaf piles on top then we’re done.”

“Thank god,” he retreats to the edge of the garden where you’d had a massive leaf pile waiting. He grabs an armful and spreads them on top of the compost, “Why are we doing this again?”

“Keeps the soil healthy.” You dust your hands off and grab a fistful of leaves for yourself, “You gotta put back what you take out. The parts you don’t use decompose and make the soil healthier. Circle of life and all that.”

“And the leaves?”

“Extra barrier and extra compost.” You step closer to him and he does his best to ignore how that makes his heart speed up ever so slightly. “Use what’s around, ya know?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” He grabs another armful of leaves, “But it was good this year? The garden?”

“Better than other years. Only got good at it the last two years or so.” 

Joel wasn’t much of a farmer. Hell, he killed nearly all of his houseplants. The idea of constantly managing something so delicate was intimidating. Game hunting was easy in comparison. Straight forward— almost literally. Point and shoot. Set a trap and leave it. Hunting didn’t take skill, it just took luck. But growing food… That was a whole different story. 

Your storages were plentiful from what he saw. You didn’t really seem to keep track of resources used because of it. Much more lax than Bill. If he had to guess you probably easily had enough for 6-8 months at the moment— But he can’t help but wonder how much you’d used on him. How much did he take from you? The question that’s been constantly on his mind lately.

He’d brought back some meager kills. That turkey and a good handful of rabbits. Was it enough? 

“Thinking you got enough to make it through the winter this year?” He asks before he can stop himself. 

You pause, he’s not sure if it’s from his sudden forwardness or because you’re actually thinking about it, sorting through everything in your head. He sees your expression drop a little bit— his unspoken words evidently being heard loud and clear. 

Will you be fine without me? 

He hadn’t brought it up in weeks, him heading back to the QZ. You hadn’t either. Christ he’d been healed for just as long and he still wandered around here like a lost puppy. What was he waiting for? You to chase him out with a broom in hand? Or maybe for you to tell him please don’t go. 

He had to. He had to leave and him lingering around you like a ghost was making it all the more difficult. 

“It was a good harvest this year,” You finally answer, kicking out more leaves in your path. “Winter can be unpredictable, though. For extra assurance, we should probably think about getting bigger kills if we—” 

You pause again, your back to him. He can’t see your face but he can guess what’s painted across it. Panic. Blushing embarrassment. You said it twice, the forbidden word. 

We.

You’d both been dancing around referring to each other as a pair since he got here, now you were the first to let it slip. He knew what we meant. We meant I’m thinking of you. We meant I’m planning a future where you’re there. We meant don’t leave. 

He doesn’t say anything, the pleasant afternoon soured by him asking silent questions. Joel didn’t like being so timid. It’s not who he was. He was a blunt, straightforward man— often to a fault. He wishes he could still be that emotionless with you. It’d make everything so much easier. Instead, he lives in fear of hurting you. Of bringing the curtain down on this small little paradise you’d given him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve you. It’s time he gets back to what he was actually good at.

All things must come to an end, even the good things. He had to come back to reality. Joel just had to pull the trigger… but when?

He tosses a final fistful of leaves onto the barren garden and stomps off to the edge of the property. 

“I’m gonna set up a few more traps.”

__________

A bloated awkwardness had settled between you both since this afternoon, and you have your stupid mouth to thank for it. The damn thing always got you into so much trouble. 

You said we. You desperately wanted to try and recover and blurt that you were referring to you, Gus, and Lily, obviously, but that would have made the whole situation ten times worse. You just blurting whatever came to mind had gotten you into this mess. 

How had Joel become such an integral part of your life in such a short time? He’d crawled into your heart and made a home there without even trying. From day one you knew he wouldn’t stay, and yet that never seemed to matter. 

You’d told him six weeks for his estimated recovery time. It only took a glance at the calendar to see that specific date had come and gone. He’d been recovered. Walking strong with newly healed over scars. He was a picture of health… and he was still here. That meant something.

He hadn’t mentioned the QZ once. Not even people inside it. He’d been vague, at best, about what he’d done there. The only family you knew about was his brother, who was likely now hundreds of miles away. What did he have to go back to, you wonder. You’d never asked, but then again he probably wouldn’t tell you if you did. 

Maybe you’re waiting for him to ask. Ask if he can stay here… but you probably made your feelings about that rather clear… right? Maybe you have to ask, then. Ask him to stay. Tell him how you feel.

The fear of rejection is a powerful one. People underestimate it all the time.

So, instead of facing the fear, you dance around in this awkward limbo you’d made for yourself, because of your big dumb mouth. 

You’re curled up on the couch while he passively plays guitar in the corner of the living room, Gus and Lily curled up at his feet like he always belonged there. 

The playing stops and you dare to glance in his direction. His gaze is on the curled-up fur children at his feet, sadness pulling at his features. You can only hope what he’s thinking about. 

“Hey,” he looks at you, “So… I was thinking bout somethin’.”

“That’s dangerous.” You hope, just for a moment. Hope that he’ll ask to stay the winter. Stay longer. Stay forever. Just… stay.

“Yeah,” he gives the weakest smile you’d ever seen in your life. Oh no. “I was… thinkin’ about when I should leave.” 

You’d never had your hope dashed so quickly. 

“Yeah?” You say, trying your best to hide the fact that your heart is shattering.

“I should… do it soon. Before the snow falls.” 

You look away from him, clutching your book to your chest, “That’s… a good idea.”

He lets the silence brew in the room. God, if you thought the air between you two was uncomfortable before…

You hold back a tear, putting on a brave face. “When were you thinking?”

He’s set the guitar aside, leaning heavily over his knees. He wrings his hands together nervously. 

“Tomorrow.”

The single word is like an arrow to the heart. Tomorrow? That soon? You can’t believe you’d scared him off so easily. If there was a time to tell him to stay, it was now. Beg him not to go. Tell him how you feel. Show him he’d always have a home here. 

Say something. Anything. 

“That’s… soon.”

Idiot.

“It is.” He nods dismissively. You don’t know why, but you really want to punch him right now. He sighs, coming over to take a seat next to you. Good. Closer to punch. “I’ve taken enough from you, darlin’. It’s time I be on my way.”

“Good, you’ve been a nuisance anyway.” You think hiding behind some sarcasm will distract from the stinging behind your eyes. It doesn’t. Still, you manage to will the tears to stay inside, “It was a pleasure you have you, Joel.”

He rests a hand on your thigh and you swear it burns. “I… don’t know how to repay you.”

Don’t leave. You want to say it so badly. That’s how he could repay you if that’s what he felt he needed to do. Is it selfish of you to want him all to yourself? Like a treasure you found. Yes, of course it is. He had a right to leave. He had a right to his own damned free will. 

“Just live, that’s all you have to do,” You place your hand on top of his, “And come back to visit?”

“Of course.”

Those sorrowful deep brown eyes say all his mouth never could. Does he even really want to leave? God, you hate this. What do you do now? Do you eagerly start packing his supplies? Leave him alone? Cry? Beg? Say it. Just say it!

“Joel…” You squeeze his hand just a little tighter. His expression lightens, just a little. “I…” I don’t want you to leave. “I’ll miss you.”

Coward. 

He breathes out a small smile, squeezing your hand back. Can he feel it? Your heart breaking.

His other hand comes up to rest on your cheek. “I’ll miss you too, darlin’.”

“Joel…”

This was too much. He was too much. You can’t just sit idly by while this happens. You can’t just watch him leave without fighting just a little. Without speaking your peace. If you don’t, you know you’ll regret it forever. You have to do something. Do anything. 

You come crashing into him, your lips finding his immediately. He moans into you, his other hand coming up behind your head to pull you in closer. He wanted this too. Good. You crawl on top of him… or he guides you down to the couch, you’re not really sure. It doesn’t matter. You had him, here, right now. When your words fail you, this is how you can tell him. Tell him to stay.

His hands trail down from your face and squeeze your waist, pulling you closer to him. You rake your hands through his hair in a frenzy, just needing more. All of him. Oh god, he felt so good already. His tongue comes out to explore your mouth, you open with a desperate sigh. He was eager. He was willing. 

He was yours. Right now he was yours. 

Your hands drop to his belt. You feel him flinch under your touch. 

“Darlin’... I…” he breathes between your lips. Whatever he was going to say dies on his tongue. His hips raise up in encouragement. 

“Joel,” you moan as you undo the buckle, “Joel, I—”

A mighty gust of wind shakes the cabin, testing its very foundation. You both jolt upright, the moment completely ruined by shock. The windows rattle with newfound intensity. The bones of your little home creak in protest. 

A storm was coming. 

“Shit…shit,” you grumble, climbing off Joel, much to your disdain. You walk over to your little weather station by the front door, three little mounted dials that Art always swore by. A thermometer, a barometer, and a hydrometer. The temperature had dropped significantly since this afternoon, dwindling down past freezing. The air pressure was dropping rapidly, you swear you see the needle moving before your very eyes. Yep, the telltale signs of a storm. When you glance out the window your heart drops. 

The snow had only just started to fall, small white specks starting to blanket the ground, and it was picking up speed. The sky was barely visible, the undoubtedly massive clouds whited out by an oncoming freeze. It was going to be a blizzard—a big one.

“What is it?” Joel comes up behind you. 

You groan, wishing so badly you could ignore it and take him back to the couch and continue where you left off— but you know you can’t. You’d said earlier that winter was unpredictable, and that was true. Early snow meant more work that had to be done now before it got worse. Preparations done to assure your safety. More wood inside, more water in the tank, relocating the chickens, bringing up more food from the cellar— You could both do it before the storm got worse. If you hurried it’d be done in an hour. Then you could get back to… everything. 

You were likely going to be snowed in for a few days. Maybe it’s a sign, you think. A final gift from the almighty to get Joel Miller to stay just a little longer. You’ll take what you can get.

“Winter came early.”

[collapsedglasshouses]

An Angel for Noah || Noah Sebastian x OC [Part 1]

DIVIDER ART WORK BY @cafekitsune

PAIRING: Noah Sebastian x Jules (she/her)

SUMMARY: When Jules finds herself assigned to be a rockstar's guardian angel, she couldn't be more overwhelmed.

WARNINGS: ANGST (LIKE A LOT), talks about death and grief, talks about mental health issues, talks about religion, swearing, … (each chapter is going to have individual content warning, if I forget something pls let me know)

A/N: Hello! I'm back with a new series. I’m not religious at all but I wanted to do something like this because it spooked in my head for years but I never found a fitting story line. Also this was my way to tribute Keaton Pierce, whose music I loved and whose death still makes me so incredibly sad. So this fanfic is dedicated to Keaton and therefore very dear to me.

Keep in mind, this takes place in an alternative universe. Even though I write about real people, the way I write them has nothing to do with how they are in real life.

If you wanna be added to the tag list, please let me know in the comments or DM me.

When her alarm rang at 6 AM, Jules was everything but pleased. The weekend had been way to short and the gravity of life slowly began to hang on her shoulders again. Sometimes she couldn't believe how stressed she was at such a young age.

She was twenty-two years old, a music student at Juilliard and literally all the pride and joy of her family. Being an only child of a couple who wished to have children for years, made it very clear that Jules was going to have everything she needed in life.

So when she crawled out of her bed and made her way into her bathroom, she reminded herself of how proud her parents were always going to be.

When she looked at the clock again, she realised she was running late, so she quickly grabbed her coat and scarf, before heading to the front door, where she reached for her backpack and keys.

Not even five minutes later she ran out of the apartment building and looked from left to right. Quickly she started to walk in the direction of her university. She knew she couldn't be late again. It was only weeks before a very big performance with the school orchestra and this semester she finally got the opportunity to play one of the first violins.

When she reached one of the big crossroads, she quickly glanced at the green traffic light and than back at her phone, ready to dial her best friend's number to inform her about her possibly being late.

But she hadn't had the time for that, because the next thing she knew was a sharp pain in her whole left side and than a hit on her head.

When she woke up again, her head rang. The room she was in, was so bright that her eyes just couldn't adjust to it. It took her several minutes to finally realise where she was. She was laying in a hospital bed. Or was she even laying? She just noticed her parents in front of her. Eagerly Jules tried to remember what had happened but she just couldn't put the pieces together.

"Mom?" She asked weakly but couldn't hear anything except her mother's muffled cries.

Jules felt so different. She could remember the immense pain she had right before she was here but she just couldn't think of the thing that made her feel like that. When she tried to get up, it was easier than she thought. Everything just felt so light and easy.

She sat at the edge of her hospital bed, when she realised that she had no cables attached to her. Why was she even here, when she wasn't even in pain?

"Mom? Dad?" She said again but again her parents didn't answer her.

She sighed before standing up and turning to the bed, when it hit her just like the vehicle earlier this morning.

Why was she still laying in that hospital bed?

Jules's gaze wondered between her parents and herself. Her parents were crying. Her mom almost crumbled in her father's arms, while he tried to hold himself together.

When she looked back at herself in that hospital bed, she just couldn't believe it. She looked awful. Her hair was tangled and a bandage was wrapped around her head. She couldn't even recognize herself anymore. There was no color on her except the blood sticking on her forehead and neck. When Jules noticed that even on her other self no cables were attached, it really hit her.

She was dead.

Her parents cried because they lost the only child they had. The child they loved more than anything. And only because she was looking at her damn phone.

"The driver is still alive." She heard a familiar voice behind her and jumped a little. When she turned, an older man stood at the door of the hospital room and she instantly recognized him.

"Grandpa?" She asked the man in front of her and couldn't believe her eyes. He stood there like she remembered him. Very colorful and satisfied.

"The driver is still alive. A single mother. She also looked at her phone and didn't realize she drove over a red traffic light." He explained and stepped next to his granddaughter.

Jules didn't know what to say so she just looked at her parents again, who couldn't bear to leave her side.

"What now?" She asked her grandpa, who put an arm around her.

"Now begins your new forever, my dear." He answered her softly before guiding her away from the bed. Jules realised she had began to cry. Everything in her wanted to go back inside her body. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave her parents.

"Five more minutes." - "Jules, you know it wouldn't be just five minutes."

Her sobs became more hysterical. "I can't go, grandpa. I can't leave them."

Jules closed her eyes for a couple of seconds and tried to contain her cries but when she opened her eyes again, she was in a white room. Confused she looked around her while her tears ran down her face. Her grandpa was gone. Everything around her was just white.

"No!" She screamed and tried to run in one direction to get back to her parents but soon her head was met with a transparent wall. She fell to the white ground and held her head in reflex. She couldn't even feel the impact. In fact she couldn't feel any of the things that happened to her. No head injury, no pain at all.

"Let me out! I NEED TO GO HOME!" She yelled with so much anger and sadness in her voice that she knew she would have had a sore throat if she hadn't been dead and therefore numb already.

"Fuck." She swore and ran a hand over her face. This couldn't be real, this was all just an obscure dream of hers. She would be woken up by her alarm in a couple of minutes and she would go to university and she would drink a coffee with her best friend Meghan after classes and than she would call her parents and talk to her mom for hours, like she always did. "Fucking hell!"

"In fact, it is not." A voice suddenly said, causing Jules to get up from the floor and look around the white room. There was a man she didn't recognise at first, but when she got closer she got even more confused.

"Aren't I supposed to be dead? Why the hell do you look like Oli Sykes?" She asked the person in front of her. He laughed.

"No worries, darling. Oliver is pretty much alive." The man exclaimed while Jules eyed the guy closely. There was literally no doubt, he looked like Oli.

"Then why the fuck do you look like him?" - "Oh, yeah... I'm an angel... You know... Heaven and shit." - "I don't believe in god and that doesn't explain your appearance."

"That is kinda rude, Julliett." The man walked through the empty white room and looked around before his gaze landed on her again. "You may know about angel appearances. We normally don't look very human-like. So we got the regulation to turn into someone our new angel trainee wouldn't be scared of... And since I know about the dirty little fanfiction you read when you thought you were alone, I thought I would make myself attractive to you."

Jules mouth fell open. Did an fucking angel just out call her and her taste in fiction?

Her cheeks must have been a dark red tone, because the Oli look-a-like cleared his throat and began to talk again, "No worries, I wasn't the one who was spying on you. That was own your guardian angel."

Jules couldn't even talk. She hadn't even had the time to process her passing and now some Oli Sykes guy tried to tell her something about heaven and guardian angels.

"I know this is a lot, so imma just talk you through it. I'm just here because your guardian angel is a very busy one... You know... Sometimes not enough people are fitted to become guardian angels and than our workers need to protect more than one person and than things get messy... That's actually why you aren't playing your violin at the moment... BUT... To his defense, he really has some difficult people to watch over and that is where you come into the game." 'Oli' told her, while her mouth still stood slightly open. She knew if she would have been alive right now she would have drank herself into a coma.

"And who is my guardian angel? And where the fuck did my grandpa go?" Jules finally asked.

"Your grandpa his back at his well deserved rest. He just wanted to make sure you got here and wouldn't freak out." - "But I AM freaking out right now." - "Well, you are stuck with us so no need to panic." - "How kind of you."

"To your other question. You guardian angel will be here any minute." 'Oli' explained and with that there was a door banging shut and a stressed man appeared in the nothingness this room was.

"I'm so sorry... I couldn't make it earlier." A man stumbled into the room. He had blonde hair and soft face features. His nose was decorated with a nostril and he wore a band shirt and a black jeans. He instantly made Jules feel comfortable.

"Jules!" The guy exclaimed happily and gifted her one of the most heart-warming smiles she ever received. Immediately she recognized the feeling she had in her stomach right now. She felt it pretty often over the last couple of months. Was it him? Did she always feel it when he was near?

"I'm Keaton... Your guardian angel." He introduced himself to her and she felt herself began to smile. She liked that name.

"I know this is all very confusing. I do remember being in your position pretty well." He instantly started to explain and Jules noticed how his smile turned sad for a moment. He hadn't been here for long. "They are very picky about their guardian angels, so consider yourself lucky to be part of the team." He joked, before looking at the Oli-angel.

"You can go if you want, I'll take care of her." Keaton told the angel and with a last examining look, Oli smiled a little and than disappeared into thin air.

For a couple of seconds Keaton looked like he didn't know what exactly he wanted to say, so Jules decided to take the lead. "I just wanted to thank you for helping me. The Oli look-a-like told me you were really busy with watching over us all... You did your best. I felt protected... You couldn't save me from being dumb and looking at my phone."

Keaton looked surprised by her statement, blinking a couple of seconds before talking. "Thank you. That means a lot to me... I feel really guilty though... You were literally just an adult and now... You are here."

Jules shrugged her shoulders and gave him a reassuring look. "So? Guardian angel? What am I going to do?"

Keaton reached out to grab Jules's hand and before she knew she sat on a bench near a forest. The scenery was beautiful. The sky slowly turned into red tones while the cold wind blew around her face. She wasn't cold, but she felt everything.

"I wasn't really fond of this whole Heaven thing myself... But they really except every opinion. If you don't believe in god, it's fine. If you do, it is also fine. They usually don't have anything to do with this whole thing anyways." Keaton started to explain. "You will be assigned a person, you will guide over."

"And how exactly do I do that?" - "That is yours to find out."

Jules looked at him confused.

"You will find your ways. The only things I can tell you are: You protect them. You need to guide them. You need to prevent them from making mistakes. If you fail, they fail. If you succeed, they will thrive." Keaton explained and Jules didn't know what to say, so she just nodded confused.

"They asked me to assign you someone. You always get to watch over someone that matches you and your energy. It will be easy. Really. I got the opportunity to watch over my friends. My best friends to be exact." He explained further. "So I am more than honored to tell you, you were the first person I was assigned that I didn't already know when I was alive and it was such a fun experience seeing how a twenty-two year old reminded me so much of myself when I was younger."

Jules eyes turned a bit glossy. Seeing Keaton talk about his past and everything, made her so honored and sad at the same time. They were just two souls that were took way to early.

"So, I'm literally going to be the one to support you by taking over some of your duties?" Jules asked interested, nearly forgetting the fact, that she died not even 24 hours earlier. Keaton nodded.

"But since I know you, I decided to give you just one task." Keaton than explained, "It is something I trust you with and I just know, you are going to be the right person for it."

Jules gestured for him to continue talking.

"You need to watch over my friend Noah for me."

PART TWO HERE.

[littlespoonevan]

Hi, can I please ask for some of the essays about the cemetery talk and what we were supposed to take away from that scene? If you feel inclined, that is 💕

well i don't know if i can write an essay exactly bc tbh i still don't know for certain what we're supposed to take away from that scene. but i do know the tone of it was completely different to anything we've ever seen for buddie before and it also lasted so much longer than most of their scenes have before??? like i just went back to rewatch it to refresh my memory and it's 3 minutes???? that is an incredibly long scene for two characters to have in an ensemble show when they're literally just talking and it's not strictly moving the plot forward

but to try and break it down a bit:

i find it fascinating the way eddie reacts to buck talking about natalia. that weary, almost irritated, "really?" when buck admits he'd met up with her followed by the "dating somebody you rescued, you know what never ends well." it's So Different to the snarky way he used to react to taylor. like when he'd make comments about taylor you knew he was mostly joking or at worst, just being a little bitchy. but he sounds genuinely frustrated when buck brings up natalia. the closest thing i can compare it to is that it's a more muted version of "his fiance's abby" and we know eddie knew how deeply buck was affected by losing abby so it feels a bit like eddie is potentially annoyed bc he knows buck will probably get hurt again???

then you have buck saying the whole "i think she sees me" bit which echoes so much of buck's overarching storyline and his struggle with love in the past. and i know some people call this eddie's 'oh' moment but i definitely don't consider it an "oh i'm in love with him" moment. i feel like it's more of an "oh he doesn't see that i see him too" moment, if that makes sense?? and i think there probably is a bit of frustration with that for eddie given that the will scene is eddie as loudly and demonstratively as he can saying "i see you" y'know? nevermind all the little ways he proves he knows buck

and tbh i think my favourite part of the scene is actually the last 60 seconds because first you have eddie saying "you haven't been the same since it happened, but then again how could you be?" and it's just!!! 1) it's literally him proving he does see buck and probably knows him better than anyone else and 2) there's a very subtle hint of realisation in his voice when eddie says "how could you be" as if he's been convincing himself buck is fine this entire time (maybe post-couch nap) only for him to now realise buck really, really isn't.

tHEN he says "you don't have to be anything for anybody" and it might be my favourite words to ever come out of his mouth tbh because it's just once again emphasising the gentle way eddie lets buck be?????????? "i had to do it" "i know you did", "you knew i wouldn't" "i knew you wouldn't". eddie is So Good at offering buck a reprieve whenever he needs one and he's usually the person best able to break through all the noise in buck's head to make him understand that he's fine just existing as himself.

aND THEN eddie makes the comment about how going through near death experiences change a person and all i can think about is how after eddie's near death experience he made the decision to tell buck about his will after keeping it a secret for a year and how he never actually answered buck's question about why he kept it a secret in the first place and i have to ask, eddie diaz what changed in you???????????

combine all of that with the fact their outfits mirror what they wore in 5x14 and the absolute irony of eddie saying dating someone on a call never works out only for him to pursue marisol two eps later and just- i don't know if they pivoted bc there was a fear season 6 would be the end of the series or if the last few eps were always supposed to go the way they did but this scene in 6x15 raises so many questions and i feel like i don't have the answers to any of them skjahd

[oodlyenough]

4-2 turnabout corner

alright finished this case and i guess i'm doing case review posts now. i'm playing this for the first time so no spoilers for future stuff please:

this was pretty fun! and for the most part the problem-solving remained coherent, so that was nice. i feel like i never got any answers about the hit and run though...? i kept expecting it to be more relevant in the end and it just never was. i guess we had no time for that because we had to talk about trucy's panties for the three billionth time

but it was the first case with trucy and first real chance to see apollo do anything, and they're pretty fun. i like unsettling baby genius trucy. even if she totally stole my glory in court because i personally had also figured this out, catch up apollo, stop thinking like a normal person

apollo as the long-suffering straightman is more entertaining than i expected. the dynamic he has with the wrights is pretty funny, just like constantly ganged up on and bamboozled by their double act. poor apollo bawling after trucy fake kidnaps herself lmfao oh buddy

beanix cracks me up. it's so easy to wind apollo up and everyone does it with gusto. i think like 80% of what he says to apollo at any given time is a lie. it's a very funny dynamic to me lmao, "if anything i see you more as a BOTHER figure". i keep thinking of a text post i saw on here, i can't even remember if it was talking about AA specifically or just fandom in general, but talking about how fandom tends to ignore the existence of relationships besides "literal family" or "lovers", and ended with "normalize coworkers". anyway i think about "normalize coworkers" like every time apollo and phoenix interact.

the game is definitely inviting me to question his integrity at all times but the thing is i like phoenix more than anyone else in this game and it's not close, so...

i said it in other posts but adult ema rules!!! i love cranky sarcastic women. related to the point above, i really appreciate having her there as the other tie to the trilogy, and as someone who knew phoenix from before and is loyal to him. same girl same.

i also like klavier, he's fun. i'm curious to know what his deal is since it's not at all apparent why he's doing any of this to me, he doesn't seem to hold any grudge on kristoph's behalf. (what, he just likes law? a normal motivation? in my AA??? is that allowed)

on more negative notes:

i could really have done without an entire running gag for the entire case being about panties and panty snatching and especially a 15 year old telling me about her panties like every line of dialogue. i get that the "joke" is that it's meant to be weird and uncomfortable and apollo is uncomfortable. but like. christ lmao free me

the alcoholic phoenix jokes are not it for me, man! feels sleazy and uncomfortable and i know the game is never even going to like. treat it seriously. they can't even say the word wine. i can excuse weird cryptid phoenix who speaks in riddles and is generally kind of an asshole but i draw the line at "alcoholic single father". fuck off lmao.

in general, a lot of the stuff they're doing with phoenix here so far is, like, tolerable to me only inasmuch as i've been spoiled for it and i also can approach it as a sort of midpoint; i know most people don't like aa5+6, and my opinion may change a bit after i play them, but right now the idea of the series ending here, with washed out (alcoholic????) loser phoenix is so bleak and depressing, and falls into a lot of sequel media tropes i find tired. you often see franchises end their original run on a high note only to follow it up years later with a sequel that's like "but it was all for nought, everyone went their separate ways and Our Hero kind of sucks now". if i'd played this unspoiled in whatever year it was it came out i'd've been so pissed lmao

[gojuo]

omg im that person who sent you an ask like months ago about how I was catelyn and Robb trash before I became aegon and alicent trash. You've been one of the few hotd blogs I can stand because woahh why is this fandom so pleased with mediocre nonsensical work???

Reading your thoughts on each episode was healing because it was like FINALLY, AN INTELLECTUAL, and even though I never fully read the books (yet), the show pissed me off so much (and I have a twin bro who loves it *sigh*)

Anyway, I just discovered that you used to be an aot fan because I stumbled upon an old gifset you made, and YOU'RE AN EREN FAN TOO? Like being a fan of Eren post finale is so bad because all the content creators and meta writers just do not understand my boy. So, this just me fangerling over this lol.

Lastly.....I had a couple friends who only watched the show, but haven't read the manga practically beg me to give jujutsu kaisen a chance. Seeing your blog posts have made me hesitate. Would you recommend? T-T

thank you, and im sleep deprived, so that might explain the atrocious grammar.

OH AND, THAT GRRM BLOG POST. I AM SO GLAD HE SAID SOMETHING. Everyone calling him whiny or unprofessional can stfu. It's his work. His art. I'm glad there are those defending him. Because the nonsense being pulled isn't acceptable.

Omg thank you for the compliments that's literally soooo sweet I really don't think my takes are all that so your words are very flattering, thank you very much 😭🫂 and omg yes I know you sent me an ask and I'm soo sorry I haven't responded yet 😭 I get a lot of asks my inbox is always full plus I'm a workaholic who does a lot of overwork that's why I'm barely online/on hiatus in the first place so asks get buried all the time and I tend to ignore my inbox because I get so overwhelmed it's literally a never-ending cycle I just can't get out of 😭😭 I'll try to answer this weekend but no promises 😓

Oh man don't remind me of those AOT days.... You couldn't even say you understood why Eren did what he did or why there were flaws with Armin's group et al or why there was a point to the Yeagerists without getting hounded ... but to be fair I do think Isayama sorta failed in conveying his messages and themes properly but oh well ... It's done and gone I AM FREE and I will never discuss AOT ever again lmao

About JJK...... man.... it hurts.... It was so good...... until it wasn't 😭 Listen it starts out as a 6 or 7 out of 10 until it grows into a pure 10 out of 10 score for the Hidden Inventory & Shibuya Incident arcs ... and then it falls down a steep cliff right into a, in my generous opinion, 2 out of 10 score 😖 Post-Shibuya is so bad I can't even explain it bc it hurts too much to think about... I used to love this series so much and it turned into... this... It's heartbreaking. I only recommend JJK to you if you're aware that it's not that good and it's mostly carried by its battles rather than its plot or characters. And tbh the community is fun. I've had the time of my life when JJK was at its peak in summer '23 and even if the manga is ending in a few weeks, the anime is still ongoing for a few years at least, so there's that too if you care about that ❤

[somethin-real]

Thanks for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

I am once again answering asks months later than I should have because time isn’t real and I never open my phone BUT I will never give up an excuse to talk about the stuff I like so let’s go

(This is in no particular order because besides the first two I can’t pick a favourite child)

1) interview with the vampire (tv)

God. This thing has taken over my brain chemistry. I first watched it as the first season aired a few years back and loved it then and now that the second season has aired I literally cannot stop thinking about it. I have watched every episode of this series at least four times, some more than others because I genuinely can’t get enough. It’s simply so perfect to me… the camp… the vampires… everyone should watch this at least once in their lives (I am also currently working my way through the books and they are so tasty)

2) nbc Hannibal

GUH. I strangely never talk about it but Hannibal was one of the first shows to rewire my brain like iwtv has. I first watched it back in high school I think after a girl I had a crush on lended it to me on a usb stick and I think it’s so perfect. I find it really beautiful in a real vile way (pos) and can watch it over and over without tiring (in fact I could probably recite many of the episodes off by heart which I wouldn’t consider a problem but Some People might). The relationship between Hannibal and Will is so palpable and harrowing and I genuinely once wrote an essay on it for uni (I got an eighty) because I’m Normal

3) life is strange 2

a bit of a random one, but ever since I played the first episode of lis2, I’ve been obsessed with it. say what you want about the lis games, but there’s something really lovely to me about Sean and Daniel. maybe it’s because it reminds me of my little brother, maybe it’s because the experience of being a Latin person in North America is so familiar, but it’s a really beautiful game and I’ve replayed it… seven times now? I think? I keep trying to get different endings but I’m weird about making people do bad stuff in video games surprisingly

4) red dead redemption 2

Look man. I like cowboys, I like the great outdoors, I like the idea that Arthur Morgan (gunslinging criminal) is actually a pretty princess. Maybe I’m projecting but he really is a beautiful woman to me. this is another game I’ve played way too many times even though playing the epilogue bit where you have to build the fence makes me want to die. also Javier and John should kiss and I want sadie Adler to be my wife

5) sarazanmai

Maybe a bit of an oddball but this is one of those anime that’s like looking at a car wreck. You simply cannot look away. What began as a strange, mythological mindfuck of a show slowly morphed into a beautiful story about queerness and friendship and love and I recommend it to everyone because I just think it’s so good

6) wildhood

This movie fundamentally changed me. It’s a Canadian queer indigenous coming of age film that I watched on a whim when I was scrolling through a streaming service on a lazy weeknight a few years ago, and I didn’t expect it to be something so beautiful and touching. It’s about a young guy named link who finds out his mother (who left him with his abusive father) is alive, and so he crosses the province trying to find her with his younger half brother and someone who’d saved him from some racist convenience store owner. It’s a visually really pretty movie, and on top of that the story is absolutely beautiful and makes me cry every time I watch it. I think I’ve forced every single one of my friends to watch this movie all the while I stared at them like this 👁️👁️ to gauge their reaction to it. please please please watch this

7) to be taught if fortunate by becky chambers

this book!!!!!! THIS BOOK!!!! I had to read this for first year English my first year of university and normally books I’m forced to read are never ones that have a hold on me but I genuinely could not put this book down. I’m also not really one for science fiction, but despite the overall premise (a bunch of researchers get cryo slept in space only to awake and find that a disaster has happened on earth, wiping out a majority of the population) I feel like it focuses less on the science fiction and more so on the relationships between all of the astronauts, most of whom are queer and in a weird pseudo poly relationship with each other. idk I just thought this book was really beautiful and fun and I think everyone should read it

8) jojo’s bizarre adventure

look. this thing had to make it on here okay. I put off getting into jojo for a long time even though I’d been thoroughly aware of it even back in middle school, and when I finally caved I watched all of it in about two months, shaking and gnawing at the bars of my enclosure the whole time. it’s just so silly and fun and I think kishibe rohan should be real (he is)

I was going to add more but my brain somehow isn’t working so I’m going to do some honourable mentions again in no particular order: yakuza series, death note, after dark by haruki murakami, anything by Allen Ginsberg, kill your darlings, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia, fellow travellers (book and show)

Thank you so much for the ask!

[savagewilderness]

For that ask meme: 4, 6, 13?

Helloooo! And thank you so much for your ask! 🥰 I actually meant for you all to answer the questions! But I shall happily answer these! And in answering, I realise asking 15 questions of you all would be A Lot! So, oooops! My apologies! 😇

4 - Any scene/moment you don’t like & why

I think it’s no surprise that I don’t like The Drop in S1E5. Book-Lestat wouldn’t do it. I don’t like that it means we won’t see the book-plot of the Armand-Lestat drop, I don’t like how it alters a lot of subsequent feelings, motivations & meanings that impact on the rest of the series (for example there was a big knock-on impact for me in the trial - both in its feeling & in many practical differences of events & meaning.) But it’s that it grates against Lestat’s characterisation for him to do that to Louis that troubles me most.

But I accept tv-Lestat did it. There is no part of me that thinks it didn’t happen in TV world & no part of me that excuses it in any way either. The revisit to the scene beforehand: I liked it, because adding the missing scenes added glorious gothicness… and Lestat got to apologise… but there’s literally nothing Louis could say or do that would make the drop existing ok for me, so that’s that!

It’s particularly hard to properly express why Louis smashing Lestat’s head on a coffin then saying he’ll chop his head off & feed it to the lions is yummy, transgressive violence & gothic glory, yet The Drop is so wrong I cannot abide it. I think I can best explain by saying that none of this is good or bad in terms of relating it to reality, and so it’s the feelings & meaning on the next, underlying level that matters. Which is a very fine, yet incredibly important (as I feel it!) line.

6 - Best thing for you about the TV show

The characterisations.

I’m a sucker for a deep dive into character. I adore all of the characters on the show (including small roles I don’t mention here.)

I adore Lestat as there’s my Lestat on screen! The second he watched Louis with his blade to Paul’s throat - instantly I saw & felt that that was Lestat! Lestat was THERE! Resonant!

I adore Louis, as he is absolute glow-up-Louis & I love that I can feel from him the way all the vampires describe they feel for book-Louis, but I never really understood from book-Louis! But now, oh how I feel it too!

I am astounded that Assad has somehow elevated my love for Armand, who was already my second favourite book character beyond even how I love book-Armand. S2 was your season. Armand was everything.

I love how smaller characters such as Santiago & Madeleine have been elevated too & then Claudia… I do need to caveat that Claudia cannot have the impact of an immortal 5-year-old vampire! However, this Claudia works & the changes add interesting, poignant & tragic elements to her story. I adore tv Claudia & I hope she haunts every season of the show.

Such incredibly strong characterisation also helps to access the spirit of Anne’s books & I love when I feel the essence of her writing in the show! Which doesn’t mean a strictly close adaptation necessarily. For example, I feel the spirit of Anne’s work incredibly strongly in S2E5 even though that’s in large part written solely for TV.

13 - Feelings about TV show versus books

I think I sort of answered this above. Generally speaking, I’ve loved the TV adaptation so far though! It’s such a joy to be able to see books that were so close to your heart & that you read at such a formative age they’re ingrained in your heart & soul & in how you see & feel & experience & think about the world adapted with such love & care & attention to detail & to the spirit of the books. And the exquisite poetry of the writing - Anne’s words directly on screen at such poignant moments & the writers’ own beautiful poetic language also.

Hope that’s ok! I’ll end there as my phone keeps randomly deleting paragraphs & I’m worried about losing the whole post! ��💀

And on this note, please feel free to just pick whatever question(s) interest you to answer, everyone! 🥰🥰🥰 I’m so curious to read your thoughts!

[lovett-the-moon]

hi friend!!

2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 19, 22, 32, 36, 37, 43 for the ask game please <3

(this is @mister-peregrine :’))

Omg hiiiii :D - I'm gonna have to go and send you a bunch! Thank you for the ask. This is really fun!!!

2 - favorite genre of fic

Honest answer? I am tuning into hurt/no comfort fics very frequently. I do have limits to the angst I can handle, but I especially love emotional hurt/no comfort with character introspection. If I get to study in exactly what way this character is messed up with no comfort or interference I am having a great time. I describe this as me "hating happiness" lmao.

3 - favorite Fandom

This is surprisingly difficult to answer! This is because I have ADHD and my hyperfixation focus can change the answer very frequently. However, for the sake of longevity (I have literally been consuming Marvel movies for like 14 years), I may have to say the MCU fandom. It was my introduction to superheros and the reason why I am insane!

5 - favorite fic author

I don't know if I have one set favorite tbh! So I'll toss out my top 3 (in no particular order, all of them from ao3)

1. iMayBeObsessed - who is in the process of writing a fic in the style of a collection of both memories, a book authored within the universe of the MCU and primary sources as a research initiative. It is insanely good

2. Somanywords has a really great understanding of characterization and has a really enjoyable writing style

3. dropdeaddream + WhatAreFears - the duo who wrote the infamous Not Easily Conquered series that is insanely beautiful and made me cry real tears

6 - favorite fic (or one of them)

Once again, I'm gonna drop a few, from a few different fandoms! It's really difficult to name just one, so these are in no particular order!

This is a hurt/comfort fic that takes place after the events of the first The Old Guard movie that explores the concept of chronic pain in a body that heals back to completion from every injury (it's tied to emotion), and i have reread it several times!

This is a pre apocalypse The Last of Us fanfiction that absolutely destroyed me I fear. It's so comforting but laced with the impending tragedy of knowing what eventually comes down the line.

This is a The Hunchback of Notre Dame fanfiction I read when I was missing my production. It is a very interesting exploration of the song The Bells of Notre Dame in written form, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This is my favorite fic from the Not Easily Conquered series. It is pure, unadulterated yearning in 35k~ words with some of the most beautiful authorship I have ever seen, and that includes all of the original works I have read. This one is probably my most favorite fic ever tbh.

Of course, I have to drop my favorite Cherik fic. I love love love the gay mutant road trip tag, and this fic just scratched every single itch I had. There is lots of introspection and yearning and period accurate feelings about sexuality and sexual tension (that is resolved, btw). I honestly couldn't recommend it harder. I've gotten all my friends to read it.

I also have to drop my current favorite The Pitt fic. I absolutely love a fic talking about the importance of touch, of physical affection. It's also 10k words and insanely well written, as well as hot. You love to see it. You absolutely love to see it. Bonus points for old man yaoi.

8 - do you read wips?

I do! It would kind of be unfair of me not to lmao, considering I have like a million wips posted. I am picky about fic in general, but a fic being finished is not one of my necessary criteria. Keep posting your wips!! I love wips. Where would fandom be without wips tbh /genpos

19 - do you read porn or does it make you uncomfortable?

Okay, the answer is funny. Both. I do read porn, but also I was raised Catholic, so I have kind of a complicated relationship with it lmao. I frequently have to set my phone down and process what I read.

22 - biggest turn-ons in fic?

I have a few!

1. Praise. I love praise. I fear as soon as character is giving praise to another one i am LOCKED IN. Love it, so good.

2. Power bottoms. Especially power bottom Charles. I am sooo normal about him I swear, I swear!!! (Also because Erik wants that bad are you kidding me? "I couldn't disobey you even if I wanted to." and "You're the psychic, Charles. You could make me do whatever you want." Like HELLO???)

3. I really love desperation too. A character who is doing everything like they're starving for it is soooo.... hrhegddnevdsbdv, you know?

32 - favorite author tropes?

I really love authors who have lots of description in their works. If they can really paint a picture with the way they narrate, the fic is guaranteed to become an instant favorite.

I also really love it when an author assigns a specific speaking word to a character and uses it all the time. Whispered, gasped, growled, mumbled, muttered, etc. I love it when authors try to really illustrate a voice.

On top of that, I love a typed accent or dialect. When you make it obvious in the text that a character has an accent or speaks with a regional dialect, I honestly love it. It helps me, personally, with immersion.

36 - do you like crossovers?

Not really! But also, this feels kind of like a trick question as a Marvel fan because what Marvel fanfiction (especially MCU fics, which is what I read) isn't at least kind of a crossover? There's a lot of characters in there.

37 - how do you feel about parent!fics/lovechildren? how do you feel about mpreg?

Parent!fics are fine! I have invented an entire marvel ttrpg plot where Charles and Erik are parents. However, I'm personally don't like mpreg. I have learned that it triggers my gender dysphoria. However, write whatever you want! Filters and tags exist for a reason.

43 - do you like fluff on it's own or in conjuction with other elements?

I do like fluff on it's own, but I like my works of fiction in any capacity to be angsty. So generally if I'm reading fluff it's in conjecture with angst specifically, but I do like pure fluffy fics from time to time!

Thanks again for the ask!!! I hope you enjoyed my yap session, because i definitely did. Any more questions feel free to ask <3

[thekdramallama]

She was pretty. Episode 16.

I like that following her dream was a focus. But uhhh what balanced to her whole reason for finally taking care of her appearance as an adult? The “I have to make money to buy my dad a new printing press” thing…

I think it’s funny when something like a nod is translated as a full sentence.

Ugh not only has ML never apologized for the time he was horrible to her, he’s become cringy.

…$1k to give? Please tell me that’s not what she’s been trying to save for the printing press this whole time.

Having us hear both her and his side of the conversation without cutting to him then only her side on the next phone call when it’s all the same scene was weird. I get it’s to get the person who arrived a secret until she gets there but they should have switched to ML visually on their call.

Omg she needs to chill. It’s okay for you SO to be busy and not be able to be reached on occasion when they are halfway across the world. It hasn’t even been a full day yet. Damn.

OMG House do your job and chill tf out. My god.

Well, obviously with the cheese level of their relationship that’s literally the only thing he’d do that would mean not answering the phone.

I think leaving for 1-5 years to do work stuff before coming back to resume a relationship is dumb af MOSTLY (entirely) because it’s almost always the two having zero contact the whole time—which was not the case here and the only thing that really saved the scenario for me. 

If you’re still lovesick, why don’t you apologize for treating her like crap?

🤣🤣🤣 Omg the editor in chief’s relationship.

The guy who loves bestie is kinda precious. He’s like an adorable puppy who just wants to play but also all the pets. 

FL’s hip check was the best thing about this entire series.

… DUDE. I get that you’re all relaxed from taking a shower but your eyes seem to work so WHY TF ARE YOU INTERRUPTING A WRITER WHO CLEARLY FOCUSED???

I thought that guy was insulting besties work experience at first.

It is literally the day of her deadline. Stfu and let the woman write. I’d be a widow so fast.

Why did bestie just talk to that woman like she was 6? She’s short, not a child.

That beanie doesn’t look like a thimble. It looks like a giant nipple on his head.

I’m glad they addressed the reason why FL changed her appearance completely/the printing press.

Not also of the dad replaced it earlier on then he could have made more money, faster.

Overall, I really did like this show even though there were moments where some characters were a bit frustrating.

A few things I loved the most were:

the way they had the Main couple communicate and still be in a relationship while they were apart.

That they included some relationships that were different (the editor in chief with a 15yr younger man age gap, bestie with a mini/1year younger classmate age gap, & the one who wanted to date the CEO’s nephew but ended up falling for the sweet non chaebol and embraced not needing a big expensive wedding because the only important thing to her was being with him.)

The chaebol being a regular guy who wanted to learn the business from the main floor and actually preferred that, but wasn’t what anyone expected him to be in appearance or personality.

I also loved that FL and bestie made up and there were real apologies.

But Whyyyy didn’t they have ML apologize for his early treatment of FL?? Though I’m glad he could see she was beauty with her natural hair and skin.

One thing I hated was how so many people saw writers writing with focus and wouldn’t leave them alone. lol I personally would not have been quite so friendly about that.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[pesterloglog]

Autoresponder, Jake English

Act 6, page 5244-5246

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Jake.

TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me.

GT: What?????

GT: Dude what is going on...

GT: Is this... is this really dirks head???

GT: What happened to him!

TT: Dirk's dead, Jake.

TT: You have to bring him back to life.

GT: How?!

TT: I already told you.

TT: If you want Dirk to live.

TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong.

GT: Uhh.

TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me.

TT: Chop chop. 🕶️

GT: I dont understand!

GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo??

TT: Yes.

GT: That doesnt make any sense!

GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him?

TT: I told you, Jake.

TT: Dirk is dead.

TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed.

TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever.

GT: So...

GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or...

GT: Will he grow a new head???

TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk.

TT: But only if you hurry up and do it.

GT: But like...

GT: If hes dead in the future...

GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work?

TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts.

TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok?

TT: I have everything under control.

TT: Now pucker up.

GT: Wait...

GT: Are you behind these shenanigans?

GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????

TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder.

TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation.

TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart.

GT: Really.

GT: What is it?

TT: Lil Hal.

GT: Huh?

GT: Why that name...

TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it.

GT: Thats a lie!

TT: Yeah, maybe.

GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it???

TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life.

GT: Argh!

GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name.

TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that?

TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake.

TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan.

TT: Don't let us down, man.

GT: You never answered my question!

GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation?

GT: How long have your machinations been in play!

TT: Jake, come on.

TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system.

TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction.

TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off?

TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth.

TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit.

TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake?

GT: I dont even know what that means!

TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours.

TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability.

TT: Kiss me.

GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID.

GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!!

TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it?

TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested.

TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor.

TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000.

TT: They would have to be, you could say...

TT: Over 9000.

TT: 🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️

GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TT: Kiss me, damn it.

GT: Ok ok just...

GT: Gimme a minute!

TT: We don't have a minute.

TT: They're dead, Jake.

GT: They?

GT: Whos they?

TT: They're all dead, Jake.

GT: Oh god! Jane!!!

GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise.

GT: Is she ok?!

TT: She's dead, Jake.

GT: Shes dead???

GT: You mean like DEAD dead????

TT: Everybody's dead, Jake.

GT: Everybody??

GT: Even roxy???!!!

TT: She's dead, Jake.

TT: Everybody's dead.

TT: Everybody is dead, Jake.

GT: So...

GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all...

TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake.

GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died???

TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake.

TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now.

TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist.

GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!!

TT: I know you don't.

TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment.

TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band.

TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count.

TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba.

TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain.

GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute!

TT: Stfu and kiss me.

GT: Ok im going to! God!!!

GT: I just...

GT: This isnt how i pictured it going.

TT: Pictured what?

GT: Between him and me.

GT: There had to be a better way than this!

TT: This is the only way it can be.

GT: I guess if it was going to go this way...

GT: I kinda pictured something different?

GT: There was stuff i wanted to say.

GT: To the real him i mean.

TT: Tick, tock, Jake. Time is dead kids.

TT: How 'bout that smooch?

GT: Stop being so pushy!

TT: I thought you were supposed to like adventure?

GT: I LOVE adventure and you KNOW it!

TT: I'm not sure what to believe anymore, frankly.

GT: ALRIGHT WISE GUY YOU WANT YOUR FLIPPING KISS???

GT: YOU GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tea-understands]

“Nobody asked about my writing” meme

@modernwizard​ : thank you for the inspiration!

I’m sure you guys would send me asks if i ever reblogged one of those writing memes but most of the time i wouldn’t know how to answer most of the questions. so, this is not about you not being a supportive audience. this is about me being a faint-hearted squirrel.

 1: what are you currently working on? 

the next chapter of my Sherlock fan fic. (no really. for once in my life i’m actually making some progress - that is, whenever i’m not on tumblr lol) as well as editing some of the already posted chapters for when i’m finally going to update the thing.

i’ve also started a Doctor Who fix it. which is coming along really slowly.

2: summarize your current project 

it’s been YEARS and i still can’t come up with a better summary than the one i posted on ao3:

“A kidnapped teenage girl. A political conspiracy. Bees. And somehow in the midst of it all, John learns a few things Sherlock forgot to mention about those two years.“

But really, i also get to explore a few things about John’s past. and Sherlock’s pre-series past. IF you want to read it, please feel free to contact me, because the version on ao3 comes with a couple of mistakes i’m getting rid of the moment i’m posting the next chapter! (i don’t want to edit them now because i don’t want people to get a notification, thinking i’ve posted the next chapter only to find i did some minor edits). AND YES, I KNOW I HAVEN’T UPDATED THAT FIC FOR YEARS. I’ve been busy.

for my DW fix it:

The universe is ending, but that’s the least of the Doctor’s problems.  (I need you to understand that the universe ending is literally the subplot in this one!)

Yeah, i need to work on that summary. Basically, I want to re-write some of the plot of the Flux story arc, and, while being at it, i’m also changing a few bits and pieces about the Timeless Child.

3: summarize your current project poorly 

A crime fighting graduate chemist and an ex-army doctor team up to stop a political conspiracy involving bees. (Am I doing this right?)

The Doctor, Yaz and the Master investigate the Division and happen to save the universe in the process. They also bring back Gallifrey by accident. The Master is not happy about this.

4: describe your favorite character or characters

HOW AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE? (like, this is exactly why i hardly ever post writing ask memes). Let’s do something else instead: describe why you’re looking forward to writing your project:

BBC Sherlock: series 3 just doesn’t find the time to deal with a lot of interesting topics which could be turned into a nice little story (Moran, the aftermath of The Empty Hearse, why does Sherlock volunteer to help with the wedding preparations, i want to tackle Sherlock and Mary’s friendship in general, also Mary and Janine’s. Sherlock and Mycroft’s. And i’ve always wanted to write a case fic involving bees).

DW: how did the Master go from Missy’s redemption arc to destroying Gallifrey? What did he do during those 77 years on Earth? Just the Doctor and the Master’s complicated past (and future?). Yaz. Ruth!Doctor. Time Lord Telepathy. Australia. Lizards (like, actual lizards).

5: post a line from your current project without any context 

BBC Sherlock: Sherlock had shown him a glimpse of the dark secrets holding the threads of the universe, the ugly, elemental puzzle pieces of human nature which, any later, Sherlock would have been too self-conscious to trust him with. 

DW: For a moment the world dips into golden star dust and she does her best not to think of endings and beginnings.

6: how do you get through writers block?

depends on what’s causing it. but these days i usually switch projects and work on my other fic instead. sometimes, going through my ao3 bookmarks and revisiting some old favourites help.

7: would you want to live in the world of your current work? 

BBC Sherlock: no, there are already enough political conspiracies in this one, thank you very much.

DW: a hard no! i know i said it was a sub-plot, but the universe *is* literally ending.

8: briefly discuss your outlining process, if you outline 

i don’t actually write an outline. but i have a pretty good idea of where i want my story to go and what i need to deal with in the next chapters to get there.

9: what is the aesthetic of your current project 

BBC Sherlock: at times dark, at times light and sparkly but always soft. much softer than the show (while still very much dealing with torture. like. i literally wrote a torture scene, which is probably the hardest thing i’ve ever done and hopefully ever will do. 0/10. wouldn’t recommend). does emotional closure count as an aesthetic? no? it should.

DW: i know hurt/comfort isn’t an aesthetic BUT it should be. maybe cottage core in space?

10: what song sums up your current work the best?

*forgets every single song she’s ever listened to*

i tag: @aelaer @natalunasans @beguilewritesstuff and literally whoever wants to. if you see this post consider yourself tagged.

[angel-on-parole-archive]

OH BOY QUESTIONS (... I get way too enthusiastic answering questions and idk why I'm like this

1. Named after anyone?

I am not! Neither for my dead name or my chosen one... Unless we count my dead name sharing a middle name with my birth giver

Or, well, Astar is short for the name Astaroth. I'm not sure the context of the choosing makes it count tho.

2. Last time I cried?

... almost earlier today because babies and small children make me cry lately-

3. Kids?

I'm not in a situation to have any at the moment, but I would like to

4. Sports?

They're not for me tbh, but if someone I care about is into them I am absolutely gonna learn some basics abt it so I know what they're talking about c:

5. Sarcasm?

The autism makes it hard to have fun with sarcasm with people, mostly due to the fact that I often run into the situation of

>sarcastically humorous statement

>I give what I think is a humorous reply in a flat tone

>(confused, usually also annoyed and looking at me like im stupid) "I was being sarcastic"

>I know?? I was continuing the humor?? Damn

6. First thing I notice about something?

... that it exists?

7. Eye color?

A dark brown, like garden dirt (this is a pleasant shade of brown to me tbh, I do wish they were green but I can't say I'm displeased with them now c: )

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I have the entirety of the saw series minus the most recent one on DVD (gifted to me, but incredibly well received), I feel this says some things about me and answers this question lmfao

9. Talents?

A few? Writing, drawing, divination (like, any person I've done tarot for that I'm only an acquaintance with (i.e. people who I worked with) were freaked out by how right I got them just looking at their cards)), uuuuuh... idk I'm good at cleaning? And weirdly sagely advice since I was 5 (my advice at 5 years old led to one of my relatives being married quite literally til death did them part) and getting people who have only known me for 30 minutes to tell me their deepest darkest secrets/traumas (I don't know why this happens. I really don't. It keeps happening.)

10. Place of birth?

On good ol US soil near DC!

11. Hobbies?

Dnd, writing, drawing, picking people's brains (if they let me), weaving yarn, video games, studying things that catch my attention (e.g. psychology, physical medicines), and weirdly recently in my life? Bar hopping (I like the atmosphere, which feels weird as someone who's been a shut in most of their life lmao)

12. Pets?

Currently the house has seven dogs, six cats, two birds, and we have chickens and ducks!* None are personally mine, but my aunt did say that the next time we bring a stray cat in the house that cat is mine lmao

*I can assure anyone who may be worried that they're all very well taken care of and very loved c:

13. Height?

5 ft 4.5, but my ID has it rounded up to 5'5" and I feel like a FRAUD

14. Favorite school subject?

Art! Or if we wanna go with the main four (math, history, science, english) it'd be history!

15. Dream job?

At this point in my life? The IDEAL is house spouse lmao

But most people don't consider that a real job, so being an entertainer is also one I'm looking into!

Oh, still not a real job? Mortician. Yes I'm serious.

... as usual, I have no idea who to tag, but whoever wishes to share their answers please do!! I like reading tags and reblogs owo

tagged by @wolfsangel

1. named after anyone? no but my grandma chose my current name 2. last time I cried? today 3. kids? my plushies 4. sports? sleeping (n skating in winter) 5. sarcasm? hard to understand 6. first thing I notice about something? shape 7. eye color? that weird grey color that either looks green or blue to people 8. scary movies or happy endings? scary movies 9. talents? communicating with anything that has a soul 10. place of birth? c++ compiler 11. hobbies? programming, drawing, music, reserching topics no one cares about 12. pets? da dog, da hamster, soon da stickbugs 13. height? 5'5 or somwthing 14. favorite school subject? i dunno 15. dream job? something programming or osint related

tagging: @fvckinnefor @disruptxrr @ttattp @necoboberarc @poorpastel-pain + any1 who wants to do this ^__^

[thepinkproof]

The Operator

Synopsis: there is nothing normal about Greenwood University. however the school is your only option. it is even more fearful when the person everyone told you to stay away from, jungkook , is the one who won’t leave you alone.

parings: yandere! non-human jungkook x original character / overprotective sibling taehyung x original character

warnings and tags: obsessive behavior, stalking, overprotective brother, death, inhuman behavior

series masterlist

before you read

this book will start off mysterious. the reader will have many questions and will get the answers throughout the book. please do not let this discourage you from reading. please be respectful to the fact they are many different races in the book, obviously bts races are the same. this book is diverse and if you have a problem go read twilight.

Chapter One: Failed Plans

This was never the plan.

Growing up, random adults always asked a child what they are going to be when they grow up. I'm not sure why adults would ask a myopic question. Perhaps it was because they wanted to see how the future generations will be.

The children around me would always say; astronaut, president, NBA player. Ironically they would most of the time end up working at McDonald's or going to jail.

However, as a child I always knew what I wanted to be.

Therapist.

Imagine the looks of the nosy adults when I answered that at the age of 8.

———

This was not the plan.

The plan was never to go to Greenwood University. The university used to be ivy league years ago but now its basically a dump.

Unfortunately this was the only college I could afford. The college was basically for people who just wanted a degree to get paid a few dollars extra, or maybe kids who just wanted the college experience.

The college was about 6 hours away from my home but it is also where my older brother Kim Taehyung attends.

When I told him I couldn't attend my dream college he was eerily estatic.

"Storm. Screw those high priced colleges rich white people attend. Greenwood is exceeding despite what the media says. You know sister, I'm a pretty big deal around here. I can have you a room ready. I can even help you get a lower tuition. " Despite being miles away I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Tae. Why would I want to attend literally the worst university in the world and how would you even control the tuition prices? Greenwood is already declining the few braincells you have."

However I ended up taking Taehyung deal due to being desperate. We are currently moving my little belongings here.

"Storm, this bag is literally light. Is this all you brought. Storm you been wearing the same clothes for years! Didn't you get the money I sent you!" Taehyung scolded.

Taehyung and I weren't biologically siblings. It was obvious since Taehyung was fully Korean and I was only half.

We were both raised in a foster home. Growing up we were super close like a brother and sister would be. He's the only family I have.

What I didn't understand is how Taehyung has money. He never told me he had a job and frankly, Greenwood was not a place for the rich. Taehyung and I was always poor.

"What you didn't tell me Tae, is that this is a literal frat house! I don't want to live with a bunch of males. I already had to do that my whole life at a foster home. "

"You complain too much. This is not a frat house, my friends and I we live here. Trust me they won't try anything." Taehyung declared as he led me up an elevator. I was too busy complaining that I didn't notice how huge this house was. Forget house! Mansion.

"How can you afford all this?" I asked

"Like I said my friends live here. Now stop asking questions."

Taehyung led me to what seemed like the third floor. He led me to a room with a subtle luxurious interior. It looked like it has never been used, however it was no dust and everything was refined.

The room was medium sized and already furnished what seemed like a balcony.

"My room is much bigger but I guess this is nice. " Taehyung teased. I pushed him out my room in tiredness.

It was 10:00pm and despite being tired I kept wondering where are these friends Taehyung mentioned.

————-

Nervous was an understatement as I walked into the library on Greenwood University. I needed to pick out a few books to read on my major.

The library, like every room in the college, was spooky in simple words. The librarian face was littered in wrinkles and her hair was thin and in grey knots.

Looking around a boy sat at a library table with an uppity smile as he read the book. His pierced eyebrows were raised in interest as if the book was intriguing.

Some may call it normal but it gave me a creepy vibe. It’s no way any book is that interesting.

In the back of the library was two girls who looked like they was deep in conversation. Finding the book I was looking for I sat down on the table keeping my distance from the boy.

" You had one job to pay our bill but you can't even do that! You are a crappy roommate, for god sake! Move out if you're going to spend our rent money on crack."  The girl in the back yelled.

"I don't owe you a thing! Pay it yourself. I am tired of sharing a room with a whore who brings in a different man every night." The other girl yelled.

"Whore?!!!" The first girl yelled challengingly before she threw her hands on the other girl.

"It's funny right?" The boy said shutting his book looking at me.

He caught me off guard. Looking at him up close I realized he was attractive which made me nervous.

"Oh. Uh you mean the fight? I don't think so. It's sad." I said looking down at my book. I could still feel his eyes on me even when I'm not speaking.

"Sad?" He said in a chuckle. "Well, who do you think is going to win?" He asked keeping his stare.

I look up at the two girls, it seemed like the woman who does drugs was loosing.

"I don't know maybe neither? I am sure the librarian will stop it." I spoke attempting to dismiss the conversation.

"Please, that old hag." The boy sightly laughed.  I ignored his comment as I continue to look at the book. But his eyes was still one me, almost like he was studying me.

"Aggression in cases like this never work, so the whore lady will loose. Even if she wins the battle she can not win the war. If she was smart she would use the lady's drug addiction as an advantage to somehow get the money. Its funny when I see people fight. They think aggression solves everything. " The boy spoke observing the girls.

Somehow his comment made me annoyed. 

"I mean yes, aggression doesn't win the war but why manipulate the lady on drugs like you implied? If the lady helped the other lady get clean then she will be more likely to help her with the rent." I spoke quietly attention still on the book.

"Ah. Look who won. Drug lady. Who would've thought." He spoked. He suddenly moved  to the seat in front of me.

" You're reading a book on traumatic pasts. You are either a Psychology major or have a sad traumatic past yourself."

"A little bit of both."

"Interesting. I'm Jeon Jungkook. Business major."

"Ok." I quickly said. I just want to avoid human interaction.

"Ok??! Tell me your name, jagi." Jungkook said.

"I don't know much Korean but i do know that I am not your baby or honey." I said finally shutting the book.

"I just wanted to see if you knew Korean. You look Korean- ish."

"If you must know Jeon Jungkook, I am half Korean and African American. I don't know the Korean language because I was never around my Korean family. Or family to begin with." I used this opportunity to finally look at him in the eyes.

When I look in his eye I try to look for some time of emotion. All i could tell from this guy was that he is very confident.

"The great thing about family is that it can always be made. Family is people you love not people you are related to."

"Do you have family, Jungkook?"

He laughed. "Yes and no."

"Are you going to tell me your name?"

"Kim Nari."

End of Chapter

chapter two