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swanfrcst · 1 year

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year end fic meme 2022!!!!

am i getting worse and worse each year 💀

Total number of completed stories: 3 on ao3. 3 on google docs that i haven't posted yet...i'll get around to posting those when i'm not feeling lazy jfaksndlf

Fics Posted:

On AO3:

The King's Avatar

left with a beautiful memory: my zhangjialefest2022 submission!!! tbh i never would have written this fic if not for really wanting to get something out for 02/22/2022 (even if i wasn't able to make the exact date), but i'm really happy i did write it in the end. it's always missing zhang jiale hours :''))) i am pretty happy with it tbh!! i feel like i was able to include a lot of my zjl headcanons/meta thoughts!

Good Hunting: this fic was a year and a half in the making!!! i am very proud of it actually. hmm what to even say about this! i think my prose slaps, i'm quite satisfied with the narrative, i had a mini breakdown about a stupid minor detail that waylaid the fic for months, and i wrote the last section, the transformation sequence, really early in the process and i'm still very happy with it!!!!! ahhhh having a fic i still feel this good about is really nice.

MDZS

(no) love left: a triple drabble i wrote for the seasons of drabble exchange! my first mdzs fic, and i still like it a lot! jiang cheng & wei wuxian is my favorite mdzs relationship, so ofc i had to take a crack at it :''')

not posted:

Genshin Impact

venti stormterror's lair fic: it's a fic about venti and his relationship with stormterror's lair! wrote it for the scenes of wonder genshin zine...so technically it's public and posted? i just haven't posted it on ao3 yet...if i do it the next few days i'll link it here :'') . i actually do like this one! wanted to exercise my descriptive writing muscles; i don't know how well i did but it was pretty fun to write

ganyu & liyue fic: in a very similar vein, it's a story about liyue changing through ganyu's eyes :') i'm....not super happy with this one ahahaha </3 which is also a reason it hasn't been posted yet. sigh i don't know how to clean it up though!! so the chances of me dumping it on ao3 is pretty low atm...maybe i'll throw it on tumblr first?? ahhh idk!

Witch Hat Atelier

Apprentice's Journey: a fic about qifrey and the girls i wrote for the hempishere witch hat atelier zine! i actually completely forgot about this fic....it was actually such a bitch to write. i had to rewrite it after the first draft was done because of shitty planning.....i'm still not satisfied with the final result but oh well :(

oHHHHHHHHH i just remembered i have some random drabbles?? i will...post those......maybe......maybe ill just . post them at the end of this post LMAO

Total word count: 9041 on ao3.

What WIPs are you working on?

added this question this year LOLOLOL i do have some """"active"""" wips!!!! it's mostly genshin!!!!!!!!! i have a ganqing wip i've been chipping away at for a while now that i do quite like :'D then.....two other genshin fic that i'm writing for two different free/open enrollment genshin zines! one is a lumine & albedo & venti fic that's just kind of about how all three of them are sussy non-humans. the other one is....a bit cringe LOL actually i don't even want to talk about it </3 it's supposed be yanfei & yelan with a fables theme but while i have an outline i do not like it very much :(

BTW my most exciting wip is a nahida & kaveh fic that is currently titled "nahida is my baby girl but kaveh is my babygirl. i hope you understand." however i word vomited a couple hundred freewrite words and now i have no idea how i want to keep writing it. pain pain pain.

i also?? wrote a couple hundred words for a sousou no frieren concept but ehhh that one's fighting me too. not enough meat on the concept sighhh

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

actually...when you add in the stuff i haven't posted on ao3........including wips....i've written quite a lot! i just wish i had more to post :'')

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

good hunting :)

Did you take any writing risks this year?

hilariously, i think it's joining those two free zines 💀 i'm NOT good at writing to a deadline!!!!!!!! or a prompt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't really want to fail to submit something but i think im gonna flop lmao

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year?

lol...in this question last year i talked about my xsq & smc fic (good hunting) which i've actually finished!! i'm procrastinating on editing it, and actually want to post it for rare pair week so uhhh....yay to me for finishing it? but i guess my goals is to clean it up for rare pair week posting.

HIGHLIGHTING THIS FROM LAST YEAR BC GUESS WHO ACTUALLY FINISHED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Hunting is a fic i'm still proud of so :''''')))) WOOOOOOOOOOO

i also want to finish my 100 sentences blossom duo fic that i started when i first joined qzgs fandom for zhang jiale fest!! i would like to participate this year!!!

this did not happen hahahaha i wrote a whole new fic instead </3

anyway....my goals....write more i guess 😭 i want to write more things that aren't for posting!!! i have so many stupid and self-indulgent stories rattling around in my brain and i want to make some sort of record of them :''))) sometimes i think of banger lines too that get lost immediately afterwards too and itd be nice to save those :'')))

Most popular/most under-appreciated/most fun to write/story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

most fun to write was definitely (no) love left! my recipient had some REALLY banger prompts like dreams/nightmares so i tried to play a bit with that kind of atmosphere/imagery!!! i think it turned out pretty well.

Hardest Story to Write:

Apprentice's Journey, the fic I wrote for the Witch Hat Atelier zine. goddddd that fic was a nightmare to write!!! like pulling teeth!!!!!!!! i've discovered i am NOT good at planning. i need to think very hard about thematic through-lines but sometimes i end up fucking up anyway and need to rewrite the whole thing. but a good thing about this fic is i had some banger lines :))) and maybe i'll post the scrapped bits separately later.

Biggest Disappointment/Biggest Surprise:

None

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random drabbles i dont really want to post elsewhere

crawl back to

in the burial mounds, wei wuxian is broken down and remade. piece by piece, the graveyard strips wei wuxian of flesh and bone. the shattered skeletons of animals and humans and creatures unidentifiable clamor hungrily. they are desperate. they are cruel.

wei wuxian drags his body forward. he does not know where he is going. sometimes, he does not know if he is alive. wei wuxian has long passed knowing if he wants to be alive.

he is limping—he is stumbling—he is crawling—his hands are wet and sticky. under the dim light of a sun he cannot see, a river of red burns against the barren dirt.

late

a chengqing au that appeals to one person (me) where jiang cheng saves wen qing because he thinks that keeping wen qing “hostage” in lotus pier might be able to convince wei wuxian to come home…

jiang cheng—sandu shengshou, sect leader, estranged shidi to the villainous yiling laozu—leaves for the burial mounds with a mission.

he’ll succeed. he has to. surely wei wuxian won’t be able to deny him this time, not when he’s come prepared with a trump card. surely.

later, when jiang cheng returns to lotus pier, his feet carry him directly to a secluded room. locked and warded, but not heavily. before he can form a coherent thought, he pushes open the door.

inside: wen qing, sitting on a plain bed. she jerks to attention, hope glittering in her eyes.

“...he’s not here,” wen qing says after a long moment.

what can he even say? there are emotions he doesn’t have a name for digging a nest in the pit of his stomach. battering his ribcage. tearing into his beating heart.

“by the time i got to him,” he rasps, the words like brambles scraping against his throat, “it was–” –i was– “–too late.”

dirt on your cheek

under the flickering candle-light, beidou is all languid grins and loose limbs. even here, in ningguang’s private chambers, beidou radiates sleek confidence.

ningguang lifts her hand to the handsome curve of beidou’s face, tracing the shadow of beidou’s eyepatch.

beidou lifts a questioning eyebrow.

“there was something on your cheek, that’s all,” ningguang says. her fingers linger for a moment longer.

laughing, beidou pushes her down onto the bed. “can’t have anyone think the great ningguang is sappy, huh?”

ningguang lets herself fall gracefully, a pleased smile curling up her lips. “i suppose you’d know a little something about that.”

#personal #late......... </3 #year end summary

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howaboutcastiel-personal · 1 year

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I am supposed to be writing right now

and...technically I am, just not the right thing. I should be working on the next chapter of Fire Within My Soul or planning the next Make Your Acquaintance installment or word-vomiting Mandalorian porn onto a Google Docs document, but I don't feel like doing any of those. I think that my brain is good and properly broken for today, so I'm just going to use my word-spraying energy to write on here, because I had therapy today anyway and journaling is good practice.

I cried in therapy today, which is something I have done a total of three times since I began therapy. That is to say, over the last 9 or so years with about 7 or 8 therapists. It doesn't happen often. I fucking cried about Bill and Frank, if you could believe it. Actually, more accurately, I cried over Joel's fucking reaction (or lack thereof) to Frank and Bill's partnership. I don't even think that's what the show was going for, I think they were focusing more on the fact that Joel isn't able to call Tess his partner. Either way, the prospect of straight men being indifferent to or (god forbid) supportive of queer men??? That is just a fucking wild ass concept. Obviously, I am not a queer man. I am... something else, and I have a whole slew of internalized misogyny that I don't think I will ever remedy, but it still hit me personally. Because I just don't know any good men. I just fucking don't. Definitely not the ones in my family, except for Poppy but he's got dementia and he's also a fundamentalist Christian. None of my school teachers, that I can recall, were good men, though the ones here at school seem decent (actually, just Bitzer. Something is Wrong with Feeney's view of the world). None of the ones at church. I don't even have to explain that part. Jesus Christ. Except actual Jesus Christ was a better man than all of them by many, many metrics.

That's one of the things that upsets me about both Oscar and Pedro. Like, they genuinely seem like good men from the image they choose to display of themselves. They're genuine allies, they reject toxic masculinity, and they just seem like... good fucking guys? And they also happen to be attractive. People on the internet tend to say that you're a lesbian if the only men you're attracted to are through parasocial relationships--or just straight-up fictional men. But I think the genuine issue here is not that I'm gay, it's that the men around me just fucking suck. They genuinely suck. To be fair though, many of the people around me, regardless of gender, fucking suck. I think COVID permanently ruined all of us, as well as our ability to empathize and just all-around be normal fucking humans. I know I hold myself to an impossible standard, but I've started holding everyone else to that same standard, and now I just hate everyone.

Oops.

Anyway, Dr. Randall wants me to focus on the idea of fulfillment. What is fulfillment to me? What does it mean to "be Jonah" successfully? Well, let's start with the physicality of it all. I want to be skinnier and also much more toned and strong and beefy. Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that being beefy means gaining weight and muscle mass, but I have a lot (a lot) of excess fat I can lose, so it would still be a significant size difference. I want to have strong, thick arms and a toned chest. I want to have a stomach that doesn't stick out past my boobs (which for me is absolutely doable, have you fucking seen my tits?). I want to have an ass and thighs that are toned and strong, not just "thick." I want all of those things so that I don't look like fucking Spongebob when I try to dress masculine.

That's the thing. I look good in feminine clothes, but I don't fucking want to. I don't want to have to be exclusively feminine to be socially acceptable. I want the kind of female body that is allowed to be masculine, so I look like a powerful woman instead of a blue-haired liberal when I dress how I want. And I know how that sounds. I just want to be that way, I'm not commenting on anyone else's style.

I want to be able to try new things, and I want to be able to come home from work at 5 PM and be okay with just cooking dinner, washing dishes, showering, and going to bed. I want to be able to allow myself to have leisure time, and to be un-depressed enough that leisure time actually means something to me.

I also want companionship. I'm starting to think I want a true partner, platonic and romantic and sexual, but honestly I'm so desperate for genuine affection that any kind of companionship will do. With a decent person, that is. I get plenty of attention now, but from people who I only surround myself with because my options are slim. I don't know what I need to do to find such companionship, because I do NOT want to use a dating app, but I just... want it. I want a best friend. I want someone to hold, and someone who will hold me. It can't be that much to ask, and I guess that it isn't. My issue is just that, because someone is a decent person, doesn't mean they're an attractive person to me. Even if I'm not aroace, I'm still grey-aro and grey-ace, and that makes this shit all the more difficult.

Anyway, it is now 4:49 and I need to leave work soon. My thighs hurt from squatting to stock bookshelves and going up and down stairs so much today and yesterday. The good news is I'm not in unbearable physical pain and shitting my brains out today. The worst thing I'm really experiencing is a headache, which I think is from all of the straining to not throw up that I did yesterday.

Anyway... have a much-too-long journal entry from a person who becomes more and more visibly autistic every single day. I do not know how to feel or express my emotions anymore, and I operate almost like a complete robot. I don't want to kill myself right now though, so I'm vibing. The numbness is much less painful than the alternative.

#diary

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memetaped · 2 years

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most popular girls in school taken from the tv show.

i said where, not when, you idiot.

what, did you suddenly adopt the vocabulary of bob the builder?

i’m sorry, doc, but i don’t live in a goddamn mentos commercial.

do you guys ever talk about anything other than, like, revenge?

we should probably go eat an entire meal and reorganize.

i’m coping. i’m celebrating. i’m copebrating. i’m celebroting.

oh my g.

we’re kind of in the middle of something right now, so if you could, you know, not.

god, i want to fucking murder you.

oh, you are a calm breeze in my fuckstorm of a life that i’m living.

are you gonna try to nickname yourself again?

note to self: corn dogs and mountain dew do not mix.

you look like a tampon that was dipped in skittles and vomit.

psst. psst. psst.

i want to poop here. whenever i want for as long as i want.

welcome to the new reality.

stop trying to force your full house references on us.

byeeeee.

but the “me” i want to be likes to curse.

i don’t really think that this is the kind of thing that anybody should be laughing at.

you were supposed to be watching the door.

someone threw a rock at me today.

why do you say “how do you say” before words you clearly know how to say?

om, nom, nom, nom. i’m hungry for lunch.

TMI but thanks.

whoa, i think i’m going to pass out.

well, well, well, sounds like there’s discord on cheer mountain.

i’m recording it on the DVR so that i can fast forward through commercials.

i didn’t believe that for a goddamn second.

you have the worst timing ever. we’re kind of dealing with a situation here.

jesus christ, is that a fucking gremlin?

i’m not saying anything. i’m just saying.

the answer to a question i never asked.

now where the hell is my nonfat skinny caramel hazelnut jamocha cappuccino?

the ghost of christmas past wouldn’t sell me anything.

it means whatever the fuck you want it to mean.

by a nap, do you mean ambien and a box of wine?

you cursed me out in the bathroom earlier today.

i think i know how to mix ex-lax into a fucking drink, okay?

well, i don’t want to be rude, but that story was very long and much more involved than i originally thought it would be, and i’ve had to poop through most of it.

just give me one second. annnd it’s on twitter.

i’m sorry, but why the fuck is everybody yelling over here?

no, write-in, like with a pen.

don’t erase my DVR.

so much technical jargon, jesus louisus!

that’s a nightmare. a nightmare i call my life.

and it can’t be me because i’m halfway through shark week.

what the fuck is wrong with you?! throwing hacky-sacks all around willy-nilly like this was the goddamned x-games.

don’t worry. i’ve got this.

oh, jesus christ, you’re a fucking trainwreck.

my ears will never be clean.

i’m trying to keep my stress levels down. i’ll explain later, but just know that i agree with pretty much everything you said.

i guess the only part of your plan that didn’t work was the whole goddamn thing!

don’t ever fucking cut me off again, do you understand me?

but if you put too much, then it won’t mix with the liquid and it’ll just sit on top like semen on root beer.

and that’s why i always say, “trust a decepticon and you’ll get burned”.

you think you can maintain consciousness for the next five minutes?

“not the best idea”? it’s a fucking ridiculous piece of shit of an idea!

i know you got your own issues, but we’ve literally spent the last three weeks talking exclusively about that.

hit the bricks, bitch.

we’ll make you an admin on our facebook page, include you on the google docs and start cc’ing you on all emails.

oh my god, i feel like it’s staring right at me. it’s like the eye of sauron.

never mind. posted, tagged, your life is ruined.

i wanted to play angry birds, not read wuthering fucking heights.

oh my, somebody’s gonna be walking very funny tomorrow morning.

is chiffon a material or a person? or both?

i’m in the matrix.

oh, well that sounds like a perfectly rational decision.

son of a – son of a gun, son of a freaking gun.

i’m glad this is gonna be a fair fight. like rocky and apollo creed.

i think you meant to say fudging poop-show.

do you think anyone will notice i’m bald?

you’re right. because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. you, however, i would maim.

how about i come back there and kick your ass?

if i didn’t have splash mountain coming out of my ass, i swear i’d rip your fucking head off.

you look up “bitch” in the dictionary and you’re gonna see my fucking face!

i just threw up in my mouth. please stop talking to me, and walk away.

you want me to say no, right?

because i’ve seen every single robocop, and i know how to take you out.

the only true happiness comes in death.

but in exchange for that, you have to watch a whole episode of glee with me.

it was barely a joke. it was just an insult with no laugh line.

i’m here to tell you two things. you’re famous and you’re welcome.

wait, why did you just answer a question that you just asked?

i ate the last bag of gushers while you were taking your afternoon bath, you dirt ball.

ew, it has a bloodstain on it.

that just made me think of something to put on my vision board! i’ll be right back.

this is pizza street, not a toddler’s kitchen.

i’m sorry, but someone like you wouldn’t really understand what i’m going through right now.

what the fuck is the wi-fi password?

i had to leave. i had to reinvent myself.

you have my full and complete attention.

wait, so is hipster a technical term for people who get dressed in the dark?

less talk, talk. more make, make.

what the fuck do i have to be stressed about?

#tv tag.#rp meme #rp sentence meme #askbox meme

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arwamachine · 3 years

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2020 fic year in review

Thanks for the tag, @discordantwords !

Total number of completed stories: 4 (technically 6, 2 aren’t posted on AO3…yet) Total word count: 145,587 (4 posted fics) Fandoms written in: BBC Sherlock

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? This was my first year writing fic! I started reading fanfic in this fandom in late 2019 and told myself that I would never write fic myself. That lasted…3 months. As such, I have written WAY more fic than I ever thought I would!

What’s your own favorite story of the year? My actual favorite is one that hasn’t been posted yet (it’s called “Winning the Goat,” and I can’t wait for everyone to be confused as hell by it in, like, a month). Of the ones I’ve posted, Swallow the Night is probably my favorite. I wrote the first chapter with zero intentions of the thing being anything other than a one-shot PWP, and then my brain projectile-vomited up the rest of the plot onto a Google Doc and…the thing turned into what it is now. I love the damn thing, each chapter allowed me to be creative in a new and fun way, and the ending has me grinning like a goddamn madman every time I read back over it. Getting to see everyone’s reactions to this fic as I post it has been a lot of fun (and also a bit anxiety-provoking at times).

Did you take any writing risks this year? Writing fic in general and then posting it on the internet for (eek) PEOPLE to see is a big enough risk for me! Writing-wise, my first fic—Origin of a New Species—was a bit different; talking about evolution for 4,000 words when you promised a PWP might put some folks off. Kind of risky for a first fic, in hindsight. Still, *I* like it, and isn’t that what really matters in the end? (*fairy dust*)

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? BOY DO I!

Okay guys. Accountability time. I have a fic I finished in October—”Indefinite Lines”—that is a 100,000k+ BEAST that I spent the better part of 2020 writing and editing and revising and re-revising and right now I am tinkering and second-guessing the whole thing and I think what it comes down to is that I am t e r r i f i e d to post it. So. I need to get over myself and post the damn thing. If I haven’t made any moves to slap some chapters on AO3 by…let’s say April…I’mma need y’all to yell at me.

I also have a WIP (as of yet untitled, but set in Ireland) that has been shoved to the back burner for THREE different fics now that I. Am. Going. To. Finish. Goddamnit.

Regarding profic, I would very very VERY much love if I could land an agent for a horror novel I wrote earlier this year. I have a second novel I’m working on at the moment that I hope to finish and revise in 2021.

Most popular story of the year? Swallow the Night wins that title by far! I seriously owe my soul to all the wonderful people who come back and read each chapter and then go on to rec it on Tumblr/Twitter despite how angry I’ve made them at John. Motherfucking heroes, is what they are.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Honestly, I’m not sure I would consider anything of mine severely under-appreciated…I’m still a baby fic-writer and am beyond stoked for any level of appreciation I can get. I guess I wish my Christmas slash fic (Such a Clatter) got a little more love, but I did post it just two weeks ago, so time will tell on the level of appreciation.

Most fun story to write: GAH I can’t wait until “Winning the Goat” is posted because the answer is “Winning the Goat.” GOD that was a fun fic. There is a chance that no one else will appreciate this fic but me, but I sure appreciate the hell out of it. One month, guys.

You Might Just as Well be Blind was also fun, in a creative, frantic kind of way. This was my first fic exchange piece, and I was sent a prompt that was hella enjoyable to flesh out. The plot was fun and light-hearted (by my standards, anyway) and I got to play with a few tropes that I really love. I also managed to write and revise the whole thing in under a month, which really calls my inability to finish my NaNoWriMo goal into question.

Most unintentionally telling story: Interpreting this to mean instances where I put more of myself into a story than I’d like - John in You Might Just as Well be Blind reacts to conflict in a very similar manner to me, to the extent that I went back during revisions and added in some extra John-typical salt.

Biggest disappointment: No disappointments that aren’t brought on by myself and my own maladaptive thought patterns. You know, helpful and healthy thoughts such as, I posted this fic five minutes ago why doesn’t it have all the kudos yet everyone must hate it oh noooo. That kind of thing.

Biggest surprise: Hands-down, the responses to the fics I’ve posted. Any comment or kudo I get makes me unspeakably happy, and the folks who go out of their way to comment on each chapter, find me on Tumblr or Twitter, and/or reblog or rec my fic cause me day-making, task-halting, cat-scaring levels of joy. The fact that any person enjoys these silly little things I write is unbelievable and I seriously cannot underemphasize how grateful it makes me.

---

I am not good at the tagging of the people and I think a lot of the writers I follow on here have already done one of these bad boys recently. Anyone who would like to participate is welcome!

#fanfiction #sherlock fanfiction #shameless self promotion

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gardenrobot · 3 years

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devlog 1: a lesbian cybernoir game

hi there! this is the beginning of a series of "devlogs" i'm going to write to keep track of my progress on a lesbian cybernoir game called Ponch: Cyberspace Investigator. this is a game by a lesbian of colour (me), for lesbians of colour. it follows the life of a woman named Ponch, and her experiences running an illegal investigative practice in an otherworldly post-capitalist dystopia called CITYB. she's also a member of a hacktivist group, but more on that later. you can check out some visuals and audio stuff here! i put "devlogs" in quotes because these posts will probably be more like diary entries. i think all aspects of an artist's/developers life are important to track alongside a game's progress, sometimes maybe more so. there is a risk of this coming across a bit self involved, but i've decided to allow myself the space to do that. i mean for one, this game celebrates self-involved lesbians. and two, i’m hoping these devlogs will help me stay a bit more lucid; perhaps i can find something inspiring here a few years down the line. these will probably start with lots on my personal life, hope it's not too boring! over time, as i get into a working rhythm, i'll transition into a fun and flirty balance of Ponch + life stuff. i will start with Ponch: Cyberspace Investigator, though. Ponch is the main character, and a lot of the game is about her life. but the larger story surrounds her involvement in the Bit Masks- a lesbian hacktivist group that can literally transport themselves into cyberspace. in order to access this power they have to live off the grid in a very internet-oriented society, and can only survive by earning money through crime. and while crime allows some more room for resistance, everything is so deeply connected. as a result, they often find themselves in positions where they're at risk of supporting the very system they're trying to destroy. so we'll get to see all the funny, dirty, courageous, messy, inspiring, and unabashedly dyke-y ways that they overcome this. it plays kind of like ace attorney, but with a larger emphasis on exploration. there’s also some cool/weird platformer puzzles that mess with 2d and 3d perspective depending on when you jump in and out of cyberspace. this game has technically been in the works since 2017. but i was struggling a lot with mental illness and an unchecked disability. meaning, instead of a game, i had generated hundreds of pages of notes, scribbles, doodles, character names, world building details, etc. for years, anytime something hit me, i typed it out on my phone, doodled in loose paint tool sai files, word vomited on various, scattered google docs. it was really depressing. i had all of this stuff but i felt like there was no core. once i got the help i needed (in february 2020), i realized i was the one constant. every little detail still managed to stick in my head- i had been thinking about it so much, it was like i didnt need my notes to remind me of anything. but once i was at a place in my life where i could finally remember to eat, i knew that i needed to get organized if i wanted this game to make sense to people other than myself. the pandemic aligned with the moment i got the medication i needed, and i had so much time on my hands. i spent 10 hours a day for a few months building level prototypes, animating, writing, making music, the whole lot. i felt reborn again? this energy followed me into the first year of my masters program- and it made sense that Ponch would be my thesis. strangely, this last year was the most healing year of my life. in one way at least. my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me in february? something like that. it was really messy and i still find myself confused, hurt, lost, and more. i hadn't seen her in 11 months when she broke up with me- because of the pandemic. i still don't really know what to make of it all. though i’m confused, i’ve healed under the hood. i’ve been focusing on all the things that have been making it easier to get up in the morning. Jay (an incredible person who joined this project a few months back), loving friends, inspiring colleagues, a fulfilling job, and i'm living in *cue brooklyn accent* new yawk freakin' city BAY-BEEEEEE being in this city- being able to meet lots of (hilarious and supportive) new friends and going on some nice dates- being able to feel like a person again- has made me want to keep creating things. and i’m in a place now where i want to write about my feelings. here we are. below are some screenshots of the game thus far. if you're out there, i can’t tell you how thankful i am that you read this. and i hope to create something that resonates with you. best of luck, wish you well! -jude

#devlog #devlog1 #indie #indie game #indie dev #video game #game #8bit #pixel #ponch #ponch: cyberspace investigator #lesbian #noir

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slexenskee · 4 years

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hihi do you have a faq? i've searched through your tumblr; maybe I haven't searched far enough (excellent taste in memes btw) but im SO INTERESTED in how you got so good at writing. like it blows my mind. did u go to school for writing? if you taught yourself, can you point a fellow writer to some resources you used? you're amazing and such an inspiration!!

ahhhhh what what THANK YOU?! I didn’t go to writing school and I don’t have a faq but what I can’t handle this thank youuuu

I feel like this is over used advice but honestly read a lot and write a lot. I have a google drive with over like 200 stories?? The majority of them aren’t finished, are just plain bizarre, or are just lil plot bunnies I had to word vomit out. I’ve read fic for like more than a decade at this point haha I bookmark writers I really like and the way some of them approach things or phrase things just sticks with me and I end up writing it into whatever I’m writing at the time and eventually you turn it around on your tongue enough that you make your own style if that makes sense?? From a technical standpoint I could stand to learn more real talk but I’m very visual so I’ll SEE a scene play out in my head and have to write it out, which is why I can get overly descriptive in some of my stuff for sure. Also why my writing is basically scene to scene with my sad attempts to tie it all together between them. That’s just my writing style and I have since learned to just live with it, so I guess that’s another thing-just like knowing how you operate. Some authors chart out their full course before starting and others like me just grab a glass of wine and say fuck it haha to each their own! I really like fic because most people just won’t give you shit for stuff, although some fandoms are better /nicer than others (shudders).

hmm for random things:

-I don’t like using the word ‘said’. I try not to as much as possible, instead like describing an action the character is doing instead.

“Hadrian.” She complains. “Honestly. Don’t you think you’re too old for this sort of behavior?”

Ah, and then he remembers why his ten year-old self would have rather ate his own hand then have his older sister nag him into being an assassin.

“Dealing with feelings in a mature manner is hardly indicative of age.” Hadrian retorts, and if his frown is moody and petty, she can’t see it anyway.

“Is this what we call maturity these days?” She laughs.

But okay also sometimes the ambiguity of said/says is part of the charm of using it so it really depends.

-Kind of on a related note, verbs water my crops and butter my toast. I get wayy to nitpicky and granular about them sometimes. THESAURUS.COM IS MY BEST FRIEND my writing tabs are always 1) the actual doc 2) my music 3) thesaurus.com usually in that order

- Music is also a huge part of getting into a scene or character. Like I can’t write a sad scene while listening to Descpacito you know? I have a lot of OSTs for this purpose from anime/ games/ movies.

- TONE. oh wow. Major shout out to the Hockey RPF fandom because first of all everyone in it is just so crazy talented but also the tone of the stories and kinda just the whole fandom was so intense and thematic. Idk how to describe tone really though. So I’ll try to explain it in an example 🤔

So the saga continues on Orion’s Massive Raging Dumpster Fire of a life™ and he still doesn’t see an end in sight, which means he might have to reevaluate his current situation. There are only so many surprise genetic relations he can take in any given decade before he needs to cut his fucking losses, man up to the mind-fuckery of those asshole polygraphers and visit the galaxy’s memory database.

He says this, and then procrastinates, as is his won’t in life, and then summarily ends up in a situation like this.

versus something like:

There are diamond lancets scattered around him. He remembers the pristine marble, the way the gloaming light burns across the surface. Sharp sissiles strewn over sparkling white, as if he lies in a pile of jewels in the sun.

His eyes drift upwards; the light is blinding, lashed and insatiable essences in glorious gold. Then there is the endless sky, dyed crimson with dusk, framed by the fractured teeth of stained glass. He knows this place; a cathedral lost in his memories.

Then there is brother, kneeling over him in his glittering sea of shattered glass; he is shouting, but Saiph cannot remember the words. His brother's eyes are wide and grave. He has always loved those eyes; the atmospheric color, the way it always reminds him of the freedom of open skies, or the crystalline calm surface of glaciers in the sun. He thinks he loses himself there somewhere, in the sky caught behind his eyes.

I’ve noticed for the more casual/funny tones I tend to stay in present tense (the fault of Hockey RPF, I swear I never used present tense until then and used to never have a problem accidentally switching tenses smh) but also for very dramatic ones too. It’s probably just me but I feel like it lends well to ‘train of thought/ very POV’ stuff like the first one, but also to really decisive and succinct scenes like the second?

Ah wow ok I’m gonna stop now. I hope this garbage dump was, at least in some small way, somewhat helpful. I’m so sorry I don’t have any links or like youtube masterclasses or anything 😓

#ask #writing

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crafiet · 5 years

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1-50 of the writer’s ask thing, go!

BITCH UR RUDE AF

The Basics1. Do you listen to music when you write?mostly yeah but it depends on my mood2. Are you a pantser or plotter?both, i was a complete pantser up until recently but ive been trying to outline big scenes so i know where im going3. Computer or pen and paper?computer for drafting. pen and paper for outlining/planning4. Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?not published, dont wanna be5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?none but yesterday i wrote 2k /shrug6. Single or multiple POV?usually single but ive been trying multiple!! its hard!!! idk what voice is!!7. Standalone or series?ugh again mostly standalone, but ive been dabbling in series8. Oldest WIPmy spies one which went though a fantasy and scifi phase and was originally dystopian9. Current WIPmy mages! i have no titles bc who10. Do you set yourself deadlines?nup

The Specifics11. Books and/or authors who influenced you the mostuhhhh to be fair im v easily influenced so if i read a book and really like it i subconsciously try to implement that style of writing or try out that genre in my own work12. Describe your perfect writing spacea desktop next to a big open window where i can play music without headphones13. Describe your writing process from idea to polisheduhhhh i dont have a finished wip yet so idk lol usually: idea→ characters→ plot→ spur of the moment 10k word vomit→ more planning, outlining→ more words→ repeat planning and drafting until finished14. How do you deal with self-doubts?i just take a break, read some bad books, read some good books, look at writing tumblrs and just marinate for a bit before going back in15. How do you deal with writer’s block?i perpetually have it and since i dont have deadlines or a publishing contract i just ride it out, writing is strictly a hobby for me16. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?i edit as i go, im onto draft 2 of my mages but its technically a rewrite bc i changed most of the plot17. What writing habits or rituals do you have?i have none atm, but i usually pick a time where i know i wont be disturbed/distracted so usually at night18. If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?idw collab sdkksdlkbnsd die19. How do you keep yourself motivated?i just really really like my worlds lol conceited 20. How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?i have!!! 5?

The Favourites21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?oh mannngggg i like all my protagonists, ary is the easiest bc shes the one i work with the most, but its super entertaining to be in remy’s head, and i like calyp’s bc hers is so different AAHH22. Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?remy and seth orrr red and kieran. if im answering this correctly? or do u mean types of pairings lol idk23. Favourite authorhummm idk every author i really like have books i dont like so i cant say24. Favourite genre to write and readfantasy25. Favourite part of writingworldbuilding *.*26. Favourite writing programgoogle docs. it would be word but im too poor to buy it lol27. Favourite line/sceneidk if this is my favourite but“I am at least trying to be civil.”“I am being civil. You want me to yell at you? Turn into a wolf and fight it out like you’d want?”Kieran closed the file and stood. “I don’t—rem—”“Remember.”“I don’t remember you being so—” He searched for a word, but gave up and growled instead. Red got the idea.“Angry? Callous? I ought to reteach you the English language.”“I know how to speak,” Kieran blurted. “Remember, I spent twenty-four years a full human.”“And look how fast that’s disappeared.”28. Favourite side characterwhat are side characters lol ENSEMBLE CASTS29. Favourite villainossssshhhh probably michael bc i love him30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yetive started on all my wips im one of those bastards who can multitask

The Dark31. Least favourite part of writingactually drafting lmao32. Most difficult character to writeprobably christine bc shes meant to be relatable and down to earth and thats boring smh33. Have you ever killed a main character?yes, not a pov one though34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?probably any scene that requires a lot of research on a topic i know nothing about, like hacking or sword fighting or whatever35. What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?bridging scenes suck theyre necessary but they SUCK

The Fun36. Last sentence you wrote“My plan would go smoother with you involved, but I can find others. Many want his head.”37. First sentence or your current WIPShe squinted in the harsh light.38. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever hadugh this girl who could see deaths coming and she worked for the fbi but she was like 15 so she still had to go to highschool lol39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever hadprobably her, only bc i was 13 when i created her and was reading this banshee series but somehow didnt connect??? and didnt realise she was a banshee?? without the screaming40. Share some backstory for one of your charactersomg all of my characters have purposefully murky backstories bc i find that trope cool af lol. i guess ary has that typical woe-is-me backstory where her parents were killed, she spiraled and got involved with the wrong people and then was betrayed and arrested lol

The Rest of It41. Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?literally i swear by: trying anything out. fiddle with pov, tense, perspective, genre, character identity, hell take a story you like and try to put your own spin on it. writing as a craft only gets better with practice and my best work is when im going outside of the box/my comfort zone42. How do you feel about love triangles?is this even a debate anymore, this trope got flamed so hard i havent seen it in ya in years. i dont really care about it43. What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?good lol my outlines are usually done on the spot and i come up with more creative plots/scenes if i can think on it a bit44. How much research do you do?i edit as i go so i research as i go. my pre-drafting research extends to saving links on things i might wanna write about and thats it lol. i would say i dont do as much as i should45. How much world building do you do?a lot lol i LOVE worldbuilding. but i find it hard to incorporate it into my draft naturally so a lot of minute details get cut 46. Do you reread your own stories?all the time lol i forget what i wrote half the time47. Best way to procrastinatetwitter–OR if u wanna seem “productive”, writing blogs are a good way to get distracted48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?bitch there was a time where i only wrote self insert characters lol49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?im too lame to hang out with any of my characters. they would be nice to me but i wouldnt get to know them like how i know them from an author perspective50. [Other question—ask me anything]u didnt ho

#writing #cloudybookash #sorry for the long post

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deansleather · 7 years

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Fireworks

Pairing: Megstiel (Meg x Cas)

Prompt(s): “Stop filming me, moron!” for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing Hiatus Challenge Week 7, Rarepairs for @wanderingcas Fanfic Submission Thursday, and “In The Moment Kiss - Maybe it’s in the middle of an argument or you just looked too damn beautiful not to kiss, but their lips were hot against yours and it felt too good to stop” for my XOXO prompt series

Summary: While celebrating the Fourth of July, Cas finally gets some alone time with Meg. He can’t help but confront his feelings for her, no matter their differences.

If you’d like to join any of my tag lists please message/ ask or add yourself to my google doc tag list! Whatever is easiest for you!

Word Count: 1085

Warnings: pure fluff!

A/N: My first full Megstiel fic! I know I’m late for a Fourth of July fic, but I really wanted to write this. This is a part of my new compilation of fics based off this post. Of course, FEEDBACK IS LOVED! EVEN A LIKE HELPS!

“Love is love, even if it is illicit; like light remains light even in the darkness.” ― Munia Khan

The sky resembled a garden, or at least Cas thought so. He had seen fireworks from up above, but they weren’t nearly as spectacular when compared to the surroundings of Heaven. On Earth, they seemed so big and awe-inspiring, seeing the sky light up like never before. Still, they held little compared to the girl sitting next to him. They sat perched on the hood of Dean’s Impala; Dean sat aside young females with large chests near the front of the park, much closer to the fireworks. Meg had proposed she stayed near the car, the festivities of the Fourth of July not doing much for her. Besides, the parking lot resided upon a hill, keeping her at a comfortable distance from all the pedestrians. Cas offered to linger with her, a statement to which Dean smirked at.

“Have fun, crazy kids,” he had called, making his way down the hill toward the hot blond he’d had his eyes on since he arrived.

“You’re not our camp counselor,” Meg griped, rolling her eyes. Cas didn’t mind Meg’s lack of enthusiasm; in a strange way, it made him feel more balanced. It came in handy in moments like these anyway, as Cas had been searching for some alone time with Meg for a while, though he couldn’t put his finger on why. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do that he couldn’t with Sam and Dean’s company, but it just felt like they were somehow holding him back. With Sam at the Bunker and Dean off gallivanting with random women, Cas was free to explore whatever he was feeling. Meg rolled her eyes at the sounds of the oohs and aahs from below.

“Yes, they’re big shiny explosives, you see them every year,” she muttered, her wavy brown hair blown back in the breeze. “It’s a waste, if you ask me, just shooting them off into the sky. I say we point them at someone.”

“I don’t believe most humans would enjoy that,” Cas stated matter-of-factly. Meg smirked.

“Yeah but I would,” she pushed, smiling at Cas. The wind continued to pick up, and the two watched as someone’s chip bag flew in the wind past them. Cas looked at Meg, noticing as she rubbed her arms. He thought about asking but knew she’d decline, so Cas just took off his coat and handed it to her. She looked at it for a moment before tentatively putting it on.

“Ever the gentleman,” she teased, rubbing shoulders with Cas. “I noticed you wanted me all alone. Any reason for that?”

“I don’t know,” Cas said simply, honestly. She nodded, looking back out to the fireworks.

“Yeah, me neither Clarence.” She shook her head.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Cas enthused, going to the passenger side window and opening the glovebox.

“I love toys,” Meg purred. “This trench coat just makes everything sexier.” Cas looked at her strangely, the phallic shape she had glanced at being the sightseer for a VHS camera.

“I found it in a closet in the bunker, Dean said it still works,” Cas informed, fiddling around with it as he rejoined Meg on the hood.

“Well, that’s not what I had in mind, but I guess it’s okay,” Meg sighed, watching as Cas continued to repeatedly bash random buttons. She groaned, reaching her hand over and pressing the bright red button that said ON/OFF above it. Cas smiled as the lights turned on, Meg placing the sightseer to his eye.

“So, what I see is what’s being filmed?” he asked, swiveling his head all around.

“Yup and I think you’re giving our future viewers whiplash.” Cas took this comment to heart, settling the camera on the fireworks.

“Have you ever seen fireworks? I mean, at least like this?” Meg asked, bored.

“No.”

“They get old. Fast.” Meg grumbled to herself as she laid back on the hood, remnants of heat still there from driving. Cas quickly followed suit, the camera still to his eye as he faced her.

“Is this my good angle?” she quipped, turning to face him as well.

“I like all your angles,” Cas responded sincerely. She smiled a little.

“For being so awkward, you’ve kind of got a way with words, you know that?” she teased.

“I just say what I believe,” he added, smiling as he saw Meg do on the camera.

“As disgusting as it is, you’ve got me liking you Clarence,” she murmured, her brows furrowing. “And I don’t even feel the urge to vomit about it, either.”

“Well, that’s…pleasing.”

“Oh, stop filming me, moron!” she insisted, pushing the camera from his eye firmly. “How’re you feeling about all this?”

“I’m just happy to be with you, Meg,” he sighed, looking from her lips to her eyes. “I don’t know how else to feel.” She analyzed Cas for a moment, gauging his sincerity.

“Alright.” She nodded. “Then let’s stay together.” The booming of the fireworks picked up, the finale taking place. Meg and Cas sat up simultaneously, taking in the designs as they burst among the stars. They were neon, popping and booming in a rhythmic beat, creating a painting in the sky.

“I gotta admit,” Meg relented. “This is kind of pretty.” Cas glanced at Meg, her eyes reflecting the morphing colors of the fireworks. He scooched closer to her, unsure.

“I agree,” he murmured. She turned her head to face him, their mouths mere centimeters apart. “I know what we’re doing… it probably isn’t right.” She smirked.

“Do you care?”

“No.” He shook his head, exasperated by his own feelings.

With a deep breath and a sudden burst of courage, he grabbed her face in his hands, finally connecting their lips as the fireworks picked up around them. Cas closed his eyes, taking it all in; her sweet scent, her soft lips, her calloused hand on the back of his neck pulling him closer, closer. He could care less what she was in that moment, all he knew was she was so warm and tasted so good and every part of him pulled towards her. She was gruff and technically evil, but he loved her all the same. He could have stayed like that forever, but both their human vessels required oxygen. Meg smirked, draping her arm around Cas and looking back to the sky.

“Wow,” she sighed dreamily. “Talk about fireworks.” Cas nodded in agreement, his hair wild as they enjoyed the rest of the night together, barely keeping their lips off each other.

~~~~~

Forever Tags, Michelle’s Megstiel Tags, Pond’s Megstiel Tags:

@jarnesbrnes @spnashley @aprofoundbondwithdean @mrswhozeewhatsis @mysupernaturalfics @waywardlullabies @teamfreewill-imagine @lucifer-in-leather @sunkissedsam @chaos-and-the-calm67 @purgatoan @stardustsam @secret-stashes @supernatural-jackles @winvhesters @nerdwholikesword @frenchybell @feelmyroarrrr @obsessedwithmisha @wanderingcas @diestiel @kittenofdoomage @fandommaniacx @trinityjadec @hanny-banannyyy @nothingtoworryaboat @growningupgeek @d-s-winchester @mysteriouslyme81 @jensen-jarpad @deathtonormalcy56 @jpadjackles @mogaruke @satans666thdaughter @bobbysingerismybaby @keepcalmandcarryondean @thinkwritexpress-official @ruprecht0420 @My-Favorite-Fiction67 @deanjensengirlmaggie @mrswhozeewhatsis @mrswhozeewhatsis @myfand0msandm0re @the-morning-star-falls @roxy-davenport @chrisatplay @faith-in-dean @mamaimpala @for-the-love-of-dean @zanthiasplace @skybinx-blog @purgatoan @impossible-box @tia58 @deansleather @faegal04 @sunriserose1023 @dr-dean @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @saving-things-hunting-family @winchesterswoonathon @jotink78 @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @mysaintsasinner @chelsea-winchester @pinknerdpanda @quiddy-writes @quiddy-writes @hexparker @alangel1895 @aprofoundbondwithdean @dr-dean @notnaturalanahi @whispersandwhiskerburn @impala-dreamer @roxy-davenport @deathtonormalcy56 @scorpiongirl1 @for-the-love-of-dean @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @deansleather @mrswhozeewhatsis @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @trisscar368 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @madamelibrarian @plaidstiel-wormstache @chelsea-winchester @deals-with-demons @singingflames @faith-in-dean @hexparker @deanwinchesterxreader

#SPN HIATUS WRITING CHALLENGE 2017 #SPN HWC - WEEK 7 #megstiel #megstiel fanfic #megstiel fanfiction #spn #spn fanfic #mine #xoxo fic #in the moment kiss

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myeonkais · 3 years

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myeonkais 2020 fic wrap up & commentary

title: i get to love you (kaisoo) word count: 345 date posted: 01/13/2020 summary: Jongin smiles, wide and stupid and very much whipped for this man.

commentary: my first kaisoo day fic! grabe, nawala sa isip ko na 2020 ko isinulat ‘to lmao. sobrang tagal na pala??? anyway, this was one of my rare english drabbles na isinulat ko under 30 minutes. (writing in english isn’t really my ~thing—mas expressive akong magsulat pag taglish lmao kaya bihira ‘to). i’m really fond of writing kaisoo in domestic situations like this, dala na rin ng pangungulila kay kyungsoo (lol). actually, i’m not even sure if this was an au or a canon fic. gusto ko tuloy ng tinapay haha!

a line/part i loved:

“You baked bread? Why?”

“Because I wanted to,” Kyungsoo replies with a smile. He passes a slice of bread back to Jongin before breaking a small piece of his own. “Be careful, it’s still a bit hot.”

title: yours to keep (kaisoo) word count: 347 date posted: 01/25/2020 summary: Jongin considers the question, considers what it would mean to spend the rest of his life bound to this man before him.

commentary: aahh, this kaisoo x brooklyn 99 au!! I LOVE THIS VERSE SO MUCH!!! isa itong self-indulgent, shameless even, fic na isinulat ko after kong i-rewatch ang S05E04 (HallovVeen) episode ng b99. ang vivid ng fic na ‘to sa ‘kin. ksoo as amy, jongin as jake?? jusko #weakness!! may isa pa akong ficlet na set sa kaisoo b99 na ‘to...baka next year ko na lang i-post :-)

a line/part i loved:

It's not the most romantic of proposals. It's said over coffee at 4am in a deserted diner after a long night of undercover mission gone wrong. Kyungsoo's got a bloody nose and Jongin's missing the beloved badge on his jacket. There's no ring, no getting down on one knee.

Just Kyungsoo asking, casual and awkward, if he wants to get married.

title: sakanasabi (chanbaek) word count: 599 date posted: 01/28/2020 summary: Kung hindi lang siya d̶u̶w̶a̶g̶ lasing, inamin na niya ang katotohanang matagal na niyang kinikimkim.

commentary: sa totoo lang, natatawa ako kasi hindi ko maalala na isinulat ko ang fic na ‘to! as in ngayong habang gumagawa ako ng wrap up eme ko lang natuklasan ang existence nito! this is probably one of those fics na isinulat ko for a writing exercise...hay i really can’t remember. may potential ‘to na maging multi-chaptered fic kaso ilag ako sa pagsusulat ng medyo angsty ngayon (fragile ka sis???) a line/part i loved:

Fighting the urge to vomit, Chanyeol inhales deeply. Baekhyun’s pillow smells of him and his fruity shampoo. The familiar scent calms him down and Chanyeol hates himself for that too. He hates Baekhyun for making him feel this way and he hates himself for falling so hard for somebody he’ll never be able to confess his love for. Suddenly everything is too overwhelming for him that he spills the contents of his stomach all over Baekhyun’s bed.

title: four out of five (kaisoo) word count: 862 date posted: 02/07/2020 summary: Kasi hello, you think na ang David ni Michelangelo ang epitome ng perfect male body? Nuh-uh. Syempre, the Lord disagreed kasi he could do so much better kaya on January 14, 1994, the year of our Lord, pinanganak ang tumalo kay David.

Si Jongin Kim.

commentary: taena, this fic!!! shameless crack na naman ito thanks sa pag-“i really love D.O” ng jungen! hanggang ngayon natatawa pa rin ako sa fic na ‘to kasi ang kalat niya in a way? napaka-vivid nito for me, lalo na sa second part ng fic. himala ngang hindi umabot ‘to sa 10k lmao. tapos ‘yung hint ng top!ksoo sa dulo...hmmm parang interesting i-explore….

a line/part i loved:

"For this I want you to concentrate on the placement of the shadows and how the muscles bunch and flex differently in this position," Kyungsoo says, standing even closer now. He sweeps his hand in front of Jongin as he speaks, using technical, anatomical terms to describe Jongin's legs and thighs, his cock, thick and soft against his belly. "Take a good long look at these thighs, guys. You may never see a more perfect representation of the human body than this."

"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun, one of his older students, chides him. "Ang kalat kalat!"

title: missed connections (surene) word count: 309 date posted: 03/11/2020 summary: Things change and little girls grow up.

commentary: probably quickest fic i’ve ever written this year. i remember writing this habang nakapila ako sa burger king para umorder, at natapos ko paglabas ko with my takeout. less than 10 minutes siguro? hindi ko rin alam kung ba’t ito ang isinulat ko—napakalayo kasi sa prompt na missed connections—pero i was craving for an unexpected angsty fic...at isang kasal na naman ang ginawa ko haha. surene will always have a special place in my shipper heart, bilang sila lang ang gusto kong kpop het ship lol (and i ship junmyeon and joohyun with other people, as in lol ba’t may pag-e-explain ka ghorl??). memorable sa ‘kin ‘to kasi ito ang isa sa fics na pinost ko sa aking public twitter at nabasa ng ibang tao na hindi aware sa aking stan twt persona lmao

a line/part i loved:

Joohyun's hand clamped down on his arm and shook slightly. "C'mon, this is what you've always been waiting for, right?" Junmyeon said.

She turned to him and smiled sadly. "I always thought it was going to be you."

Junmyeon looked away for a moment before looking at her again. "Yeah...well..."

"I knew it wasn't going to happen. Never had a vision of it but I hoped back then."

"You were only a girl then and—" Junmyeon touched her cheek. "I lost my chance."

title: stupid motherfucking shitposter (chanbaek) word count: 2116 date posted: 03/11/2020 summary: Binibiro lang nina Jongdae si Baekhyun na siya ang unang sisikat sa barkada, a harmless joke na nagsimula pa noong freshman year.

But they didn't expect na magkakatotoo ito dahil sa isang viral Facebook post of this (shit)poster, Chanyeol Park.

commentary: ito ang second attempt ko sa tweet fic eme, and as expected, sobrang fail niya haha! special sa ‘kin ang fic na ‘to dahil ito ang first exo fic na isinulat ko. july 2019 pa nakatambak ang chapter 1 nito sa google docs ko (haha) at nagkalakas loob lang akong i-post dahil sa panghihinayang. ewan, i’m not a funny person talaga pero pag binabasa ko ‘tong fic na ‘to, parang naniniwala ako na kaya ko pala magpatawa somehow? also the background stories for chanbaek here...hahaha shet talaga gusto ko na ulit ‘to ituloy! sa 2021, promise!

a line/part i loved:

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ni Baekhyun while scrolling down the comments. Sumakit ang ulo niya sa ilang judgemental comments about this modus ("mag-ingat kayo kahit cute yan may tendency maging manyak!!"), halos maduwal sa "shet ang adorable ng meet cute niyo pakasal kayo pls!!!"

at tumaas ang dalawang kilay sa comments ng "fangirls" of this Chanyeol Park:

"DADDY!!! BAKET!!!!" with brokenhearted emojis

"sana all makasandal sa balikat ni Chanyeol AKO NA LANG ANAKAN MO CHANYEOL PLS"

"SHET CHANYEOL PARK DADDIEST TALAGA FROM BS STAT MANOK NAMEN YAN!!"

Then he saw the comments from people he knew personally. Mga bastos na mga ka-college at ex classmates na nagmention sa kanya:

Si @Baekhyun Byun ba 'to? OMG bat kayo magkasama, Yeol?

Yeol basta tandaan mo na kapag nakasandal sayo si Baekhyun parang nakasandal na rin sayo buong mundo ko.

title: everything under the stars (chanbaek) word count: 2866 date posted: 03/11/2020 summary: chanbaek high school au wherein astronomy club pres si chanyeol at may crush sa kanya ang drama club president na si baekhyun.

since required na sumali sa two clubs ang club presidents, naisipan ni baek na mag-apply sa club ni yeol.

kaso ayaw tanggapin ni chanyeol ang application form.

commentary: aaaahhhh unang chanbaek high school au ko ito!!! at ang nag-iisang tweet fic na natapos ko!!! i super love this fic ;.; sobrang fluffy lang niya at tuwang-tuwa ako sa characterization ni baekhyun dito. ang nakakatawa pa, on the spot ang pagsusulat ko nito sa twitter, as in nagre-research ako about sa astronomy eme habang inu-update ko ang thread in real time! inabot ata ako ng six hours sa pagsusulat nito pero sobrang worth it. this never fails to warm my heart talaga. ang wholesome lang talaga ng high school love stories...minsan haha!

a line/part i loved:

The taller took a deep breath, eyes darting everywhere except Baekhyun. "I have insomnia. And counting stars help me sleep better at night."

Baekhyun was about to open his mouth, his cheeks flushed, as he stared up at Chanyeol.

That was intimate. Unexpected. What did he do to deserve such information? Baka naman nagbibiro lang si Chanyeol.

"Ah, so ‘di ka nagbibilang ng sheep?"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, but his mouth twitched up in a smile. "Mas lalo akong di makakatulog sa kahahanap ng tupa niyan."

title: kiss it better (kaisoo) word count: 204 date posted: 03/21/2020 summary: "Well, well, looks like someone's cranky today."

"Shut up," Jongin mutters as he nudges him with his hip. Kyungsoo scoots over to make room for him and he settles in next to him. "Your little pet bit me."

commentary: ito ang pinakamaikling fic na isinulat ko this year, at ang unang fic na isinulat ko noong nagsisimula pa lang ang ECQ. taena, ang tagal tagal na pala?? anyway, another domestic fluff from kaisoo na naisip ko thanks to that ksoo & meokmul photo na nakita ko sa tl. wala lang. gusto ko lang magsulat ng kaisoo landian kasi nakakamiss huhuhu :(

a line/part i loved:

"Your little pet bit me."

"Meokmul?"

"What other little pet do you have?" He grins and rests his head on Jongin's shoulder.

"You."

title: single bed (seho) word count: 1595 date posted: 03/23/2020 summary:

“Beds are made for sleeping and sex only, you know."

Napalunok na lang si Junmyeon. Sehun and bed and sex all in one sentence was a bit too much for his overworked brain to handle. Again, that’s his hottest roommate casually talking about sex. His roommate na crush niya ever since lumipat siya sa condo na ‘to. Junmyeon shifted the Calculus lecture binder on his lap as subtly as he could.

Putangina.

commentary: not to be me pero isa ‘to sa favorite fics ko this year haha! this january lang ako nahilig sa pagbabasa ng seho fics at sa totoo lang, 500-word drabble lang dapat ito!! kaso biglang nag-ig live ang seho putek kaya naging triple ang word count. isa sa na-discover ko sa sarili ko because of this: i like reading/writing junmyeon pining over sehun?? ewan, iba ang pull sa ‘kin ng fics pag ganito ang setup nila haha. nag-enjoy akong isulat ‘to sa POV ni junmyeon, lalo na ‘yung internal struggle niya. isa sa dahilan kung bakit favorite ko ito ay ang back story ni kyungsoo bilang phone sex operator hahaha! bigla ko na lang naisip ‘yan habang nagta-type ako at tawang-tawa na naman ako sa sarili ko. i’m fucking hilarious sometimes lmao

a line/part i loved:

He couldn’t forget the first time he’d heard Kyungsoo in “action”. Isang gabi, nakasalubong niya si Kyungsoo na naglalalakad papunta sa kusina, suot nito ang mamahaling headset, dini-describe kung paano niya kakainin ang “delicious pussy” ng kliyente niya na nasa kabilang linya habang iniinit ang Chickenjoy takeout sa microwave. May bonus pang mga ungol na sobrang filthy, at mga yes baby masarap ba? Yes you like that? pang sinasabi ito, at nagawa pang ngitian si Junmyeon in between moans bago bumalik sa kwarto niya.

title: exercise in self-restraint (chanbaek) word count: 12,984 (part 1 of 5) date posted: 04/15/2020 summary: (sinta 'verse part 2)

Three months (92 days to be exact, and yes, Baekhyun's counting) na silang magjowa ni Chanyeol pero bakit gano'n, nasa "friends are like jowas you don't fuck" stage pa rin sila?

—or: tigang na ang Baekhyun Byun. as in.

commentary: TANGINA HANGGANG NGAYON TAWANG-TAWA PA RIN AKO SA SARILI KO NA GINAWA KO ANG FIC NA ‘TO...AT HINDI PA SIYA TAPOS!!! na-explain ko na ‘to sa notes sa ao3 pero grabe sa pagka-self indulgent talaga ng fic na ‘to. sobrang kalat??? i didn’t know i had it in me??? cheka!! pero seryoso, sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa pagsusulat nito (until now!!!) kasi challenge para sa ‘kin ang magsulat ng m/m explicit scenes. hindi ako nag-fade to black!!! hahaha but no seriously, napaka-importante ng sinta ‘verse sa buhay ko bilang exo fic writer at ayun nga, hindi ko sila mapakawalan kaya ikukulong ko sila sa isang makamundong part ng ‘verse na ‘to. naka-outline na sa ‘kin ang buong fic na ‘to, kailangan ko lang ng lakas ng loob para ituloy ang pagsusulat haha. sobrang kalat niya...at ako talaga si jongdae sa fic na ‘to lol. another thing: puro inside joke naming magkaka-barkada ang laman ng fic na ‘to kaya yari ako kung mabasa man nng isa sa kanila ‘to hahahaha

a line/part i loved:

“Bakit ba ito ang topic natin?" Umupo na si Baekhyun sa tabi ni Jongdae, tuluyan na niyang nakalimutan ang sakit ng legs niya sa sobrang panic at kahihiyan. "We're here to talk about the Bali trip, right? Wala sa agenda natin ang sex life ko so tumahimik ka dyan!"

"Seryoso ba? Kahit chupa wala?"

"Jongdae Kim oh my god iiwanan na kita talaga!"

"Sorry na! This is a lot to take in pota ka!" Jongdae stared at him in disbelief, and shook his head. "As in no action at all? Imposibleng walang chupaa—"

"Jongdae!" Puta, sana magkaroon ng butas sa sahig na kinauupuan ni Jongdae at lamunin na siya nito ASAP. Hindi na kinakaya ni Baekhyun ang interrogation na 'to.

"Sorry na! Fine! Wala man lang… snorkelling na naganap sa loob ng three months?"

title: tulak ng bibig, kabig ng dibdib (chanbaek) word count: 995 date posted: 04/28/2020 summary:

“Alam mo feeling ko may crush sa ‘yo si Chanyeol,” bulong sa kanya ni Junmyeon sabay siko sa tagiliran niya.

“Huh? Pinagsasabi mo dyan?” inis na sagot ni Baekhyun habang hinahalughog ang backpack niya.

“Ang manhid mo naman, Baek. Obvious kaya.”

Oops, teka lang. Freshman si Chanyeol. Graduating na si Baekhyun.

Hindi magwo-work ang kung anumang iniisip ni Junmyeon.

commentary: may thing talaga ako sa fics na mas matanda si baekhyun kesa kay chanyeol—as in taon ang gap nila ha, hindi kagaya sa tunay na buhay na ilang buwan lang. anyway, i really like the outcome of this fic. simpleng kilig, sakto lang ang narration, at tama lang ang length. i guess sinulat ko ‘to noong na-realize kong dapat i-apply ko na ang “write less” sa buhay ko? i tend to over narrate my stories sometimes kasi gusto kong ma-overcome ang weakness ko sa narration bilang writer. pero kaya ayun, sinasanay ko ang sarili ko na magsulat ng fics less than 1k words eme

a line/part i loved:

Yes, nagkakausap naman sila paminsan-minsan kapag nagkakasalubong sa campus, and yes, hindi na nagbu-blush si Chanyeol sa meetings na ‘to. He’s become more confident around Baekhyun, which made him a bit sad kasi nage-enjoy siya sa pink cheeks ni Chanyeol at pagkabulol nito sa conversations nila. Oo na, impressed na si Baekhyun sa talino at wisdom ng lalaki at—

Oops, teka lang. Uulitin lang niya, freshman si Chanyeol. Graduating na si Baekhyun.

Hindi magwo-work ang kung anumang iniisip ni Junmyeon.

title: fall on me (chanbaek) word count: 6123 date posted: 05/06/2020 summary: “Amin-amin din kasi. Malay mo may chance.” Binato pa siya ni Yixing ng basang tissue to justify his point.

“Baka nga may malaking chance,” gatong ng kupal na si Sehun Oh.

It’s not like the thought never crossed his mind. Sa apat na taon nilang magkasama sa apartment na ‘to, ilang beses na ring naging marupok si Chanyeol sa idea na aaminin siya kay Baekhyun. Pero worth it nga ba aminin ito? O dapat makuntento na lang siya sa kung anong meron sila?

commentary: my first baekhyun day fic! a college au na set in uplb na naman haha (kailan ba ako mauumay??). this was an easy story to write; natapos ko ata 'to in one sitting? tsaka gusto ko ito kasi first time kong magsulat ng fic in chanyeol's pov. medyo challenging for me na hanapin ang "boses" ni chanyeol pero napagtagumpayan ko naman. napaka-vivid din sa 'kin ng fic na 'to, especially the confession part. ALL THE FLUFF TALAGA MGA MHIE PARA LABANAN ANG INIS SA GOBYERNO HAHAHA

a line/part i loved:

“Wait lang, there’s something on your face.”

Chanyeol instinctively reached for his cheek, akmang pupunasan ang naiwang wasabi or teriyaki sauce or whatever. “Huh? Saan?”

The next thing Chanyeol knew, Baekhyun fisted his hand on his shirt and tugged him down for a kiss. It was firm and waaay too fast, just a smack of lips, and then he patted Chanyeol’s chest before stepping back a little.

His mind went blank.

“Uh...it was me,” Baekhyun mumbled shyly, loud enough para marinig ni Chanyeol

.Chanyeol blinked a few times, trying to process what the just happened. “W-what?”

title: di na babalik (chanbaek) word count: 3355 (incomplete) date posted: 06/01/2020 summary: Ten years ago tinawanan lang ni Chanyeol ang kantiyaw sa kanya ni Sehun noon: wag jowain ang ka-barkada kasi pag nagbreak, awkward na umattend sa reunions. Ngayong nasa 10th year high school reunion na sila, 'di na makatawa si Chanyeol. Salamat talaga sa isang tanong ng ex niyang si Baekhyun Byun.

commentary: ito 'yung tweet fic na bunga ng aking sunday morning writing exercises last april. medyo hango sa tunay na buhay (haha lagi naman) at angsty siguro 'to? this is one of the rare fics na walang outline and such. as in on the spot ako nagsusulat pagkagising ko ng sunday ng umaga. binasa ko ito ulit ngayon-ngayon lang at...aray, medyo masakit nga. i really want to continue this 'verse kahit medyo masakit siya.

a line/part i loved:

Baekhyun has this fond smile on his lips, and Chanyeol wonders kung anong version ng nangyari ang binibisita nito ngayon sa utak niya. A happy memory, he supposes. Bihira niyang makita ang ngiting 'yon kay Baekhyun.

title: smile for the camera (chanbaek) word count: 670 date posted: 06/11/2020 summary: Chanyeol knew the famous idol Baekhyun Byun had been picturing something more glamorous than this. If he did, then they hired the wrong photographer for the job.

commentary: another on the spot twitter drabble! kasalanan 'to ng yours mv at tirtir photoshoot ni baek haha! meet cute emeru. tuwang-tuwa rin ako rito dahil ang bilis ko siyang naisulat-less than an hour ata?

a line/part i loved:

Gustong ipakita ni Chanyeol Park ang ibang side ni Baekhyun Byun sa mundo. He wanted to show the real man behind the mysterious image: the man who loves to stay at home and play online games during his time off, who loves children and advocates for their education, who was still a normal person behind the bright lights and sold out dome concerts.

title: wala nang hihilingin (chanbaek) word count: 6122 (sinta 'verse fic) date posted: 06/14/2020 summary: It’s been nine months since Chanyeol told him na may plano na siyang magpropose soon. Nine months since tinapangan ni Baekhyun ang sarili at sumagot siyang leaning towards yes siya if ever totohanin nga ni Chanyeol ‘yon. Nine months na siyang naghihintay pero wala pa ring proposal. Ni anino ng singsing wala siyang nakita.

commentary: my first 614 day fic! aahh i'm so in love with this fic :( aside from wedding vows, i like writing wedding proposals talaga. iba nga lang sa fic na 'to dahil napaka-chaotic ng proposal! this fic started with an image, actually. 'yung part na kumakanta si baek ng halo ni tita beyonce! sinusulat ko pa lang 'yung sinta, paano na lang ako kung wala ka? nasa isip ko na 'yon. at hindi niya ako nilubayan hanggang hindi ko nagagawa ang fic na 'to. nadagdagan pa ang inspiration ko after rewatching The Office! that jim & pam moment talaga...sobrang TV history huhuh. anyway!!! outlining this fic was really fun kasi aliw na aliw akong pahirapan si baek dito lmao. sobrang special talaga sa 'kin ng sinta 'verse at ang dami ko pang pwedeng ikuwento tungkol sa unibersong ito. next year, meron pang kasunod. promise 'yan haha!

a line/part i loved:

honestly, i really love the proposal part kasi na-achieve ko ang chaos na gusto ko haha! pero kung very specific part, ito:

“So...nasan na ba ako? Ayun.” Huminga muna siya nang malalim bago nagpatuloy. “You’re my best friend in the whole wide world and I could never be with anyone else. I’ve known this since we were 19. I wanted to be the one to ask you but--“

“Mahal kita,” bulalas ni Baekhyun. He couldn’t help it. Aatakihin na siya sa puso. He could feel it. “Fuck, baby I’m sorry!” pahabol niya. “Sorry go na tatahimik na a--”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol interrupted, strained, with a pointed glance at the box. Agad na tinikom ni Baekhyun ang bibig, but god, ang puso niya bibigay na anytime.

“Ang point ko lang, I mean it when I say could never be with anyone else, Baek. ikaw lang ang tanging nakikita kong kasama ko sa dulo.”

When their eyes met, Chanyeol’s were soft. Trusting. Full of love. Chanyeol’s eyes were shining, full of unshed tears, at sure si Baekhyun na parehas na silang walang makita dahil sa mga luhang ‘to.

title: atin ang gabi (chanbaek) word count: 18.442 date posted: 08/09/2020; entry for #NaritoKami2020 Fic Fest summary: Before Sunrise AU - dala ng lungkot, alak, at pagka-bigo sa pag-ibig, humingi ng isang pabor si baekhyun sa lalaking hiniraman niya ng powerbank sa 7-11.ang pabor? samahan at makipagkuwentuhan sa kanya buong magdamag. loko-loko lang ang papatol sa ganyang pabor.sakto, loko-loko't kalahati si chanyeol park.

commentary: where do i even begin?? sa totoo lang ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa fic na 'to kulang pa 'tong commentary na 'to hahaha. i might even write a whole blogpost about this..but who knows?

ito ang pinakapaborito kong fic this year. as in. the moment i saw this prompt, ang sabi ko sa sarili ko, "mare dapat makuha mo 'yan OR ELSE!!!" i have a ~thing for film AUs, kaya nang makita kong may nagsumbit nito-NA RICHARD LINKLATER FILM PA OMG-hindi na tumigil ang utak ko sa pag-iisip. i love everything about this fic so much. mula sa back stories ng chanbaek, hanggang sa batuhan nila ng linya... i'd like to think i did a great job in writing this. sinigurado kong maganda at natural lang ang dialogues nila rito dahil isa 'yon sa essence ng Before Trilogy, eh. gusto ko rin sanang gawing buong araw silang magkasama kaso i thought mas may emotional impact kung bitin ang oras nila.

may ilang parts pa akong dinelete rito kasi feeling ko ang haba na niya. (don't worry i'll share it soon!) kahit light angst lang 'to, may certain weight kang mararamdaman after reading it? ewan, ganyan ang pakiramdam ko pag binabasa ko 'to. tsaka grabe pinag-isipan kong mabuti kung may smut ba 'to o kahit kiss lang. i almost added a kiss here kaso upon re-reading the fic...it kinda didn't feel right? i thought them sharing a kiss would shatter the illusion, na baka hindi na sila maka-move on sa isa't isa at hindi na nila ma-achieve ang dapat nilang i-achieve. ako lang siguro 'to hahaha pero one thing's for sure: THIS IS A HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!! sila hanggang dulo haha! i just wish more people could read this fic huhu.

a line/part i loved:

Chanyeol paused for a long moment bago nagpatuloy. “Sobrang nakakatawa ng pagiging idealistic ko noong teenager ako. Feeling ko kasalanan ‘to ng media na kino-consume natin, eh. Books, movies, songs would always make love out to be this all consuming, burning, passionate thing. Sige, that person makes you feel like you’re on fire all the time, that he or she consumes you, but at the end of the day...are you even friends? Let’s be real here, pag tapos na sa honeymoon stage, pag naupos na ‘yung apoy ng pag-ibig sa simula ng relasyon, ano na? You gotta like the person you end up with in the end. Love won’t save everything.”

title: ‘pag nandiyan (kaisoo) word count: 15,962 date posted: 08/19/2020; entry for Tahanadhana Ficfest 2020 summary: four times na may nagtanong sa cafe owner na si junmyeon kung ano ba talagang relationship status ng mga barista niyang sina jongin at kyungsoo, plus that one time na napuno na si junmyeon sa landian/katangahan ng dalawa.

commentary: magkasabay kong isinulat ang atin ang gabi at 'pag nandiyan kaya lurks na lurks ako kung alin ba dapat ang uunahin. 15k worth of pure fluff, landian, at katangahan isumbong niyo nga 'yan sa HR!!! not gonna lie, sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa pagbuo ng kaisoo barista 'verse na 'to. may naka-outline na ngang side story ang chanbaek dito eh...hahaha! si sehun ang favorite character ko sa fic na 'to kasi siya talaga ang representation ng frustration ng readers haha! gigil na gigil si kuya eh, ang cute!

'yun lang, a part of me wished na mas inayos ko ang execution ng ilang scenes sa fic na 'to? lalo na sa parts nina junmyeon at joohyun. i would rewrite it if i could. overall, this is a cute, fluffy fic written in a slightly weird 4+1 fic haha!

a line/part i loved:

"Birthday ni Chanyeol today," paliwanag niya kahit hindi naman hinihingi ni Jongin. "Ayoko namang sungitan 'yung tao on his special day. I'm not that mean."

Jongin remained quiet beside him, so he added, "Besides, I don't date people younger than me. Chanyeol just turned...20 today, ano. Ekis tayo dyan."

From the corner of his eye, he saw Jongin's mouth twitched to a smile. "So may chance," sabi nito, halos pabulong.

"Huh?" He glanced at Jongin sidelong, eye catching on the strong lines of his neck, the prominent bulge of his Adam's apple. The streets weren't that well-lit, and frankly, his eyesight was pretty shitty, but for some reason, kitang-kita niya ngayon si Jongin. "Anong sabi mo?" Jongin then returned his gaze.

"Sabi ko, may chance," he said, clearer this time. With intent. Ayan na naman siya.

title: laging naroon ka (sechen) word count: 2664 date posted: 09/22/2020 summary: sa kalagitnaan ng kasal ng mga kabarkada niya, biglang nagkrisis si jongdae dahil parehas silang umattend ng kanyang what could have been na si sehun.

commentary: sa totoo lang, wala sa plano ko na magsulat ng isang sechen fic. i've only read a handful of sechen fics (mostly in english pa) at nag-aalangan talaga ako magsulat ng fic for a rarepair. kaso my jaya discography binge happened; ilang beses kong pinaulit-ulit ang laging naroon ka at ang daming nagpapakasal sa social media bago ko isulat 'to kaya rito ko na nilabas ang mga damdamin ko haha! i really like how this turned out. maikli lang pero hnngghh gusto ko pa ng isang sechen fic tuloy! masaya rin ako na may naka-appreciate ng munting fic na 'to. i'm planning to write another jaya-inspired fic soon so...hehe kita-kits na lang ;)

a line/part i loved:

He was a complete fool to think the hurt he'd felt years ago made him immune to this handsome man with a nice smile and soulful eyes. Wala pa ring pinagbago. Nandoon pa rin ang kabog sa dibdib, ang kilig—nakakainis! Sehun only got more gorgeous as he aged. His sense of style was still impeccable. Bagay sa kanya ang mas mahabang buhok at tumambok pa ang mga pisngi nito. Pigil na pigil si Jongdae na magnakaw ng kurot.

title: para sa ‘yo (ang mga salita) (chanbaek) word count: 26,144 date posted: 12/09/2020 summary: ito na ata ang pinakamalaking dagok sa writing career ng best-selling at award-winning crime fiction writer na si Baekhyun Byun. mayroon lamang siyang pitong buwan para tapusin ang huling nobela ng kanyang series. bawal na extension, nasagad na niya ang pasensya ng kanyang publishers. tapos bat' gano'n, bakit napakalandi ng bago niyang editor na si Chanyeol Park?!

commentary: my biggest and most personal (lol) fic yet. 35k ang target word count ko for this one kaso i had to delete a huge chunk last september kasi...nag-iba ang takbo ng utak ko. bigla na lang akong naumay magsulat ng romance at fluff? tsaka wala pa akong nababasang writer-editor au fic na nakaka-relate ako kaya isinulat ko na. sa totoo lang, ginawa kong therapy ang fic na 'to habang tinatapos ko ang isang manuscript ko (na surprise!!! hindi ko pa rin tapos until now!!!). it's weird for me na magsulat ng isang bagay na hindi umiikot sa romance, pero later on, na-enjoy ko rin. okay din pala magsulat ng character-centric fics na side lang ang romance.

also, in a very me fashion, nag-insert na naman ako ng kuwento sa loob ng isang kuwento. mini-quarantine project ko ang kuwento nina eli at calix! an outline exists--at surprise, hindi connected sa mga kasong nabanggit sa fic haha! crime/thriller pa rin ang totoong kuwento pero malayo sa book titles commentary: na nabanggit sa fic. in short, umandar na naman ang pagka-plotter ko sa fic na 'to. outline kung outline, plano kung plano. ang difference lang from my previous BY Paraluman Fest entry, hindi ko na isinulat ang buong fic sa notebook bago i-type. katamad kasi hahaha.share ko lang din, i wasn't expecting na may magbabasa at makaka-appreciate ng fic na 'to. ang seryoso kasi niya for my taste. hindi rin nakakakilig or whatsoever. sobrang layo sa previous BYFP entry ko na puro landian lang ang ganap. kaya sobrang tuwa ko sa mga nag-iwan ng comments sa ao3, nag-qrt ng BY tweet, at sa lahat ng nagtweet na nagustuhan nila ang kwentong ito. grabe, iyak ako nang iyak. lalo na do'n sa mga nagcomment na nakaka-relate sila sa struggles ni baekhyun as a writer. feeling ko hindi ako nag-iisa! so maraming maraming salamat sa nagbasa ng fic na 'to! grabe dami ko pang ebas for this fic pero sa isang blogpost ko na lang siguro ilalagay. hay, ang puso ko talaga para rito <3

a line/part i loved: sa totoo lang, madami! 'yung buong kaganapan sa MIBF ang pinaka kasi an author's dream come true 'yon cheka hahaha! pero kung lines.... ito talaga:

“Sila lang ang minahal ko nang ganito. Mahal na mahal ko sila.”

“Alam ko, Baekhyun.”

“Natatakot ako…” Baekhyun hated the way his voice cracked. “Natatakot ako na baka...baka hindi na ako magmahal nang ganito ulit. Na baka...naiibigay ko na kina Eli at Calix ang lahat ng pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay. Takot ako na...shit, Chanyeol.” Napaupo siya sa sofa at doon niya nakita ang concerned na tingin sa kanya ng editor. “What if pangit na lahat ng mga isulat ko after nito? What if makapagsulat nga ako ng bago pero sina Eli at Calix pa rin ang hahanap-hanapin ko? Ng ibang tao? What if...hanggang dito na lang ang pangarap ko? Ito lang naman ang ginusto ko sa buhay, eh. Ang magsulat at mabasa ng tao ang mga salita ko. Ito siguro ang problema pag nakuha mo nang maaga ang pinapangarap mo. Pag madaling nakuha, madali ring mawawala.” Tuluyan nang bumuhos ang luha ni Baekhyun. “Ayoko pa magmove on sa kanila, Chanyeol. Hindi ko kaya.”

title: #QuarantineTimez with Nini’s Home (kaisoo) word count: 12,770 date posted: 04/27/2020 summary: Sa kalagitnaan ng Enhanced Community Quarantine, hindi inaasahan ni Kyungsoo na magkakaroon siya ng "quarantine crush" sa isang viral Youtuber na kailanman ay hindi nagpakita ng mukha.

commentary: ito ang tanging non-fic fest entry fic ko na himalang maraming nagbasa. hanggang ngayon shookt pa rin ako na umabot sa 700+ hits ito sa ao3 haha kklk?? anyway, skl ang inspo ng fic na 'to. gaya ni ksoo sa fic, noong start ng quarantine ko lang nadiscover ang Nino's Home Youtube channel. at gaya rin niya, na-weirduhan ako sa antics ni Nino...at sige na nga, aliw na aliw ako sa subtitles niyang nangungupal lmao. ewan ko na, nagulat na lang ako sa sarili ko na may outline na ako for a kaisoo fic?? it took me two days of outlining and actual writing bago ko natapos 'to. at tawang-tawa ako kasi sobrang crack fic dapat nito! the nininail was a last addition kasi may nag-RT sa TL ko ng video compilation ni jongin talking about his cute nail..eh ang cute nga kaya dinagdag ko na. wala akong intensyon na gawing cliffhanger ang ending...it just sort of happened? feeling ko nga standalone fic 'to kaso habang binabasa ko siya, nabitin na rin ako lmao. hanggang not!fic na lang ang kinaya ko for the continuation kasi dami ko nang sinusulat ngayon lol. but with or without the not!fic, okay siyang kwento for me. nakakatawa, nakakilig hay :)

a line/part i loved:

gustung-gusto ko 'yung IG dm convo nina baek at ksoo rito kasi totoo nga naman, COVID-19 CAN'T STOP THE HAROT!!! also 'yung nagreply si Nini kay pengwing sa Youtube comments!!! ang kilig ko po!!!

Nasanay na si Kyungsoo na makaramdam ng kaunting lungkot after ng conference calls nila. As much as he loved having his alone time, nakaka-miss din pala ang makasalamuha ng ibang tao. Sa short supermarket trips at lobby guards na nga lang siya nakakaranas ng actual human interaction this quarantine period. He didn’t realize how much he used to count on minor interactions, like ‘yung pangungulit sa kanya ni Jongdae sa cubicle niya araw-araw, or ‘yung quick lunch meetings niya with Baekhyun kapag napapadpad ng Makati ang best friend. Kahit nga face to face meetings with their boss na usually kinakatakutan niya, hinahanap-hanap na niya ngayon.

OVERALL:

# of fics written: 21 # of fandoms: 2 (exo & red velvet) published word count: 133,095

favorite fic: atin ang gabi (chanbaek) longest fic: para sa ‘yo (ang mga salita) (chanbaek) shortest fic: kiss it better (kaisoo) most kudos: #QuaratineTimez with Nini’s Home (kaisoo)

#2020 fic wrap up & commentary #leng writes rpf

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