#(their name is basically Rythym)

[hank-jank-wimbletank]

ye...s EYS!!! SPLOONERS COME TO ME IM MAKING A FUCKING OC AND I CANT EVEN DRAW OCTOLINGS THAT WELL #YASS

[whore4brielle]

HOLD ON TIGHT🤷🏽‍♀️

Y/n riding the jjk woman😓

This makes my 🐱 quiver just thinking about it🙁🙁.

This includes shoko, utahime and yuki.

SHOKO IEIRI

I feel like shoko would definitely be good at alottttt of things. “Fingering” is one, when she fingers you. She makes sure you cum and that both of you have a great time.

Her strap game is good, she usually never lets you take over. But when she does. Holy shit. You lose all your self control has she takes one of your breast in her hand. Collectively squeezing. While her other hand covers your ass cheek.

“Fuck you can do so much better y/n”

That’s what she says when you start to get tired of riding. Losing your rythym.

“You want me to make you cum”

“Yes please” you’ll say.

She usually lets you wait. She never lets you just cum on the spot when your riding her strap. But she gives in quickly when you start whispering her name crying out how much you “need” and “want” her.

She fucks into you making you cum quickly, both hands tugging your waist. You continued to whisper and say her name as she makes you cum.

UTAHIME IORI

Utahime is like a pretty girl who loves to be pampered. She isn’t against the idea of filling you up with her strap, she just prefers the basics.

That’s why you and her would use a dildo instead.

She’ll enjoy having you gag on the dildo. She’ll masturbate while you inserted it inside of yourself.

“It’s all yours baby” she’ll say has she inserted her finger inside of herself as you started to ride the dildo. Your moans filling the small room the two of you were in.

She laid on the pillow has she started to thrust her finger inside of herself, you matching her pace as you started to ride the dildo below you even faster.

Utahime would moan out your name has she came. You reached your hand up rubbing her clit as she reached her orgasm.

She’ll help you reach your orgasm shortly after, as she thrusted the dildo in and out of you. Going slow at first as she whispered filthy praises in your ear. And then she picked up her pace as you came on the dildo. Utahime watching you as she leaned in to kiss you, you moaning in her mouth as your orgasm hit you.

YUKI TSUKUMO

Yuki prefers strapping you of course, her strap game is incredible, her stamina is surprisingly super great.

Yuki would make sure to fuck you in any position she was pleased with. But when you suggested to ride her she just went with it.

“Okay princess” she’ll hold you up to it, and when it was time. You’ll complain about the size of the strap.

“It’s too big baby” you’ll say doubting that it would “fit” inside of you. But yuki made it fit since she was also slightly competitive. You’ll start to whimper as you felt her inside of you. “Feel that pretty girl that’s my cock inside of you” her hand pressing on your stomach.

You would ride the strap at a fitting pace. Her hand still on your stomach has she felt you move up and down on the strap. “Faster” she’ll say impatiently has she smacked your ass and as you went faster your moaning started to increase. Sounds slipping out of your mouth to match with the movement of your hips.

“That’s my girl” she would say has you started to bounce up and down on her cock. “Yeah you’re really taking me now”. She whispered out has you moaned, your orgasm reaching.

“Fuck” you’ll say leaning your head down into the crook of yuki’s neck. “Mhm y/n keep going” yuki would say has you came ontop of her cock squelching sounds creating the atmosphere between you two.

[girlystories]

Bittersweet

— pairings: various ninjago x female/runaway/slightly depressed reader

Summary: you run away from your abusive and controlling parents, only to almost be killed in the middle of nowhere. mysteriously miraculously you manage to avoid them alive, and stumble upon two amazing siblings. Additional warnings: none. Words: 2.8k

previous part here

next part here

Chapter 3: Whole day of boredom

Shutting the book, [Name] let out an irritated sigh. She was practically doing nothing all day, while the others were out searching for the weapons. To put it simply, she was quite frankly bored out of her mind.

She literally jumped off the bed, and she suck in a breath as her hip sting in pain. She totally forgot about it. Simply cursing under her breath, she ignored it, walking through the house, her eyes searching something to spare her time upon.

Passing the living room she saw the video game consoles under the tv. Maybe she could play some of Jay's video games? She shook her head, immediately dismissing the idea. It wasn't her place to snoop around other people's property.

She decided to go to the kitchen. Maybe do some chores? That's the only usefull thing she could do at least. She of course, had to put on some music first, now that her phone was fully charged. She could aimlessly waste her time on social media, sure, but where's the fun in that? She promised herself she would get rid of her old depressive habits, now that she finally got a chance of a new start. Meeting Kai and Nya was quite literally a life changer.

The music echoed throughout the whole Monastery and [Name] was humming and bopping her head in the rythym. If the Monastery wasn't built on top of the mountain, everyone would have been able to hear the blasting music.

In no time, she managed to clean the whole house. It was no surprise night came relatively quick. The floor was basically sparkling, the cabins and drawers had no inch of dust, and all the rooms were now filled with the scent of flowers. She even cleaned the training equipment making them look brand new.

[Name] shut her eyes, taking a long breath in, inhaling the sweet aroma of fresh clean air. Satisfied with her hard work, she signed wiping off the sweat on her forehead. She looked at the time on her phone. 9:31 pm. Just perfect timing for her to take a shower. She grabbed a tower and started the water running.

Jumping on the bed, [Name] fell asleep almost instantly. She didn't waste any minute to do anything but rest her aching body. She didn't even forge the strength to cook something for her to eat. She didn't even feel hungry.

 

   [Name] opened her eyes, but was unable to make out anything. She reached her arms out but couldn't see them either, the thick pitch black darkness surrounding her. Suffocating her. She hugged her shaking frame. She wanted to yell for help yet her lips remained still.

Suddenly a voice broke out. It was sharp and demanding. She knew it quite too well. It called for her name. Again and again. Yet she still didn't reply. Instead, she shut her eyes, crouching down to her knees. She wanted to leave from that place. She wanted to disappear.

As she was steadying her breath, a rough hand wrapped around her neck. "Don't you hear me when I'm speaking to you?!"

She choked, scratching and pulling the man's grip to let air fill her lugs. It was hopeless. She was too weak.

She forced her eyes open, still choking. This time water filling her lugs. She did everything she could. She tried to swim to the surface, her lims moving rapidly, yet seemingly only went deeper into the ocean. She was going to die.

She was going to die.

Another dream, huh?

She steadied her breathing, her eyes getting used to the dark room. Light still shimmed through the window from the moon as crickets sang their melody. The moon. It was almost like it was watching after her. Calming her down everytime she needed to.

Signing she pulled an arm over her head, as if hiding her expression. She was tired of that dream. She wanted to forget that incident, yet the memory always came back to haunt her in her nightmares. Guess she couldn't get rid off all her past, huh?

Something suddenly triggered her brain, and she pulled to side, aiming her phone on the counter. She immediately regretted opening it as light hit her tiresome eyes, making them sting. She groaned and lowered the opacity. 4:55 am. Does that mean the others came back? If so, why didn't they wake her up?

Almost immediately, she yanked the covers off, carefully yet quick steps echoing from the wooden floor. Opening slightly the door, she perked her head inside all the rooms, searching for a sight of another person. Useless. She was still all alone.

She wasn't scared of the dark, no. More like scared of being alone and the unknown. The feeling crawled over her as a chill running through her whole body, making her run back to her room. Sliding the door shut, she got under the covers. There's no way she could go back to sleep now. The only possible solution was to wait for the sun to rise, so she would be able to start with her day. Maybe she could make breakfast for them?

Her uneasiness disappeared, as she smiled at the thought of her roommates. They could maybe like her cooking, or even they could all become friends. If they'd want to of course...

[Name] opened her phone deciding to waste her time on it. Her stomach dropped as she remembered. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't her parents try and look for her?

Tap tap tap.

Shit.

99+ missed calls.

67 messages from mom.

99+ messages from dad.

55 messages [unknown].

Whoops.

Guess she totally forgot about them, huh? She bit her fingernails, thinking of some way to fix this. When she realized.

There is no way to fix this.

She had, quite literally, ran away from home. And was now, what? Missing for maybe a whole ass week? What if they somehow find her? They could've have somehow downloaded a tracking device on her phone, and would be come barging at the door any moment now. Knowing her parents, they'd definitely do that.

But if that's the case why hadn't they already come for her then? That idea was scrapped.

The thought of her father finding her made her shake under the covers, despite not even feeling cold.

Maybe Sensei Wu could help?

No...

Could he?

Groaning, she decided to ignore her buggy thoughts. It only made her more anxious. So, the simple girl that she is, she decided to watch every single meaningless content she could find on her phone. It was useful, though, as it made [Name] fall unconscious again.

"[Name]! [Name]!", the young girl's body shook rapidly. She only groaned pushing away the person who was disturbing her sleep.

"[Name]! Wake up!" the annoying voice only seemingly increased in volume, making her more irritated.

The bugging stopped for a moment, but her whole body felt cold as the covers were torn off her grasp. Whining, [Name] opened her eyes, making the other person sign in relief. "Finally."

She could make out her surroundings now quite clearly, as she rubbed her eyes. In front of her were Kai and Jay, both having toothy grins from ear to ear. They bring four golden weapons close to her face, not saying a word. She looked at the weapons then at them, raising an eyebrow.

Wait, not just any golden weapons. These were the Golden Weapons. Her frown was switched with a proud smile. "You managed to get the weapons!"

The two boys cheered, offering [Name] a high five.

She stopped laughing now giving them a stern look. "What took you so long? I was so worried!"

Jay gave her a cheesy smile. "Why? Did you miss me?"

Kai gave him a playful smile, bumbling his shoulder with his. "Watch it."

[Name] pushed them both slightly. "Shut up! I was just so bored all day. At least you could've came back at night..."

"Why?" Kai leaned close. "Scared of the dark, are we?"

The now, red-faced girl, pushed Kai back, looking to the side. "N-no! I was just, lonely is all..."

The two ninja chuckled at her flustered reaction, thinking of another plan to torture the poor girl. Before they could though, the door slid open. Cole was holding a wooden tray of food and set it beside [Name]. "I see someone has finally decided to wake up."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

Jay laughed and pointed to the clock hung on the wall. "What he means is that you've been sleeping till 3 pm!"

She stoop up, as if taking a better look at the wall. "What?!"

Jay laughed again, this time a bit harder.

"What is it?", Cole tilted his head to the side.

[Name] only ignored him, groaning and making turns around the room. She was mumbling something under her breath, almost nervously.

Cole's frown only deepened and he placed his palm on her shoulder, making her stop stumbling through the whole room. "[Name]", he stated, bringing her out of her thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"Ugh..." [Name] avoided his gaze, rubbing the back of her head. "I just wanted to surprise you all..."

"What do you mean?" Jay asked, who had now calmed down from laughing so hard. Still there were tears around his blue eyes, making them resemble the deep sky.

"It's nothing", she took a breath in. "I just wanted to make you all breakfast before you arrived. Now it's noon already... "

Cole chuckled slightly. "Is that it?

[Name] nodded her head in shame.

"Don't worry, [Name]. Zane has cooked us lunch, so we don't have to worry about that, okay?" [Name] wasn't convinced and Cole continued, "We can both make breakfast together another time. How does that sound?"

[Name] returned his gaze, a smile placed on her lips. "Okay."

Kai perked his head, as if remembering something. "You haven't forgotten something, have you?"

The girl stared at him, not a thought reaching her mind.

"Guess who's back..."

It took her a while, but her eyes widened when she realized. "You don't mean... "

She didn't even wait for a response, immediately barging out the room, her steps being heard through the whole Monastery. She let out a sign of relief as her eyes caught the familiar brown ones and black short hair. She didn't waste any second, instantly wrapping her arms around her friend, squeezing her tight, in fear she might somehow disappear under her grasp. "Nya!"

The girl under her chuckled, patting her friend's back. " Good morning, sleepy-head."

[Name] tightened her grip. "I'm so glad you're finally back."

They both stayed there for a while, hugging each other tightly, cherishing the moment. As they broke the embrace they studied each other's eyes, smiling brightly.

"So what happened with Lord Garmadon?"

Nya took her friend's arm, taking alongside her. "I'll tell you on the way."

"On the way where?"

"Jay agreed to give me a ride back home for me take some of my stuff. And I want you to come along." she explained as they made their way outside. Jay was petting a dragon, which was sitting in the Monastery courtyard alongside three other dragons. [Name] visibly widened her eyes, almost jumping out of her skin. She grabbed onto Nya tightly, as if hiding from the dragons in front of her.

"Are those...?!"

"Oops..." Nya awkwardly laughed, seemingly forgetting to inform the terrified girl clinging to her. "I guess I should've told you we have dragons now, huh?"

"Oh yeah, you think?!"

Nya signed, placing her hands on [Name]'s shoulder and dragging her where Jay and his dragon were waiting for them. "Don't worry, they're harmless. They can be pretty cute when you actually get to know them."

[Name]'s face was becoming more and more paler, sweat drops forming on her forehead. "I won't take your word for it."

"Hey, Jay" Nya greeted, which made he boy in question blush and stumble his words.

"O-oh hey, Nya. Ready to go?"

"Yep, in a moment. You don't mind [Name] coming along, do you?"

Jay shook his head. "Of course not! Here, let me help you get on Wisp", he said as he assisted Nya.

"Wisp?"

"Yeah! That's how I named him. Ain't he just awesome?" he said, petting the dragon.

[Name] did her best setting aside her nervousness. With Jay's assistance she climbed on the dragon, sitting behind Nya, "Sure..."

Jay got on top as well. "Alright, ready to go?"

"Ready!" Nya exclaimed and [Name] wrapped her arms around the girl tightly as Wisp moved its wings, going off ground. She couldn't remember much of the trip, since her head was burried on Nya's back. She decided she would look down... another time.

After a while Wisp decreased its pace.

"Hey, check this out" Jay called out. This made [Name] raise her head but she immediately regretted it. Jay flew down close ground level as fast as he can, disturbing the peace of the citizens. [Name] squeeled in fear, alongside the other citizens running away.

"Jay, grow up", Nya shook her head as they arrived at the shop. Wisp landed slowly, and [Name] felt herself pucking any moment now. Nya patted her back, "Are you okay, [Name]?"

The girl in question nodded slowly, a hand placed on her stomach. "Yep... Nothing to worry about."

Nya nodded and climbed down the dragon from it's wing, "Thanks for helping out, blue boy. Now that I'm moving in with you guys, I just need to get a few things."

"Okay, cool. Need a hand?"

"No, just wait here."

Jay rubbed the back of his head. "Oh, uh... okay."

The two girls made their way inside the shop and Nya placed her backpack on the floor, then grabbing the anvil next to it. "This is kind of a secret but... I'm sure I can trust you on this one."

[Name] raised a brow, "What do you mean?"

As Nya turned the anvil around, [Name] watched in awe as the wall in front of her rotated, revealing a storage full of weapons.

"Woah... I had no idea this was hidden here! I didn't even notice a thing."

Nya laughed slightly, and proceeded to take the weapons and put then into her bag, as well as wear a bracelet around her right wrist. "Well, I figured you'd find sooner or later."

Just then, they got ambushed by four skulin, likely to take revenge from losing alongside Lord Garmadon. Nya came in front of [Name] to protect her as she shrieked. She took position to strike as they they cornered them. "Well hello there. We've been expecting you", one said mischievously.

"May I remind you that this is private property and that trespassing is against Ninjago law paragraph thirteen section two?"

"Oh, I thought paragraph thirteen was-", before the skulin could finish his sentence, Nya punched him in the face. She then rotated the anvil again, making the skulin next to the wall spun alongside it. Making a few turns caused the skeleton to became dizzy, decapitating its head. Falling on another's skeletons lap it let out an irritated yell. She giggled.

Nya took hold of a sword, and used it as balance to spin in the air, kicking two skulin.

Swinging a sword, the skulin aimed for [Name] but she manged to dodge last second, her arm wrapped on her head defensively. Letting out a scream she kicked the skulin and Nya threw a weapon at it but missed.

As they all cornered them Nya threw a golden round metal at the skulin on the left. One skeleton missed both of them, hitting the metal which made a loud sound. In the end the two girls got the upper hand.

All the skulin were decapitated, some left on the table in the corner while some laying on the floor. Nya smirked at her independence and [Name] couldn't help but smile as well. Nya wore her backpack on her back and turned her attention to [Name], "Shall we go then?"

[Name] giggled, nodding in return. She followed after her and they both walked outside the shop. Jay ran to them. Seems like he heard the commotion.

"Is something wrong? What was that sound?"

Nya passed by him. "Oh, nothing! We just got excited and knocked over some samurai helmets and stuff."

[Name] giggled as she followed after Nya, and Jay did as well. "You don't have to worry so much, Jay."

I'm the end Jay didn't push the matter any further. They all climbed on Wisp and took off flying. As the air blew on (Name)'s face she looked down. Maybe flying wasn't as scary. Maybe fighting wasn't that scary either. She promised herself one thing; just because she wasn't going to become a ninja like Kai didn't mean she couldn't become strong herself.

"So what happened to Garmadon?"

Nya giggled awkwardly. "Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you about that..."

[leaf-in-a-flower-garden]

(Bit of beta spoiler under cut but also if you don't know already, you probably should)

So like, I'm really unfond about how TGC is bringing really good spirits for the new season. Like, I'm pretty sure most these spirits are coming all at once?

If you don't know, these are the descriptions of the spirits (cause I don't know all their names):

-Cackling Cannoneer (?!?!?)

-Hiking Grouch

-Rythym Spirit with furry boot pants and wider, downfacing bird mask (has a music sheet too I'm pretty sure)

-Wasteland spirit with a blue flower (??) cut Cape with the hat and mask (Pretty sure it's a Lightseekers spirit)

Idk if that's all of them but... Idk about you lot but after the days of music? I CANNOT afford that? Even just the 4th spirits Cape, Cannoneer's mask and Rythym Spirit's pants is almost 200 candles??? I just have 119 and I don't think they'll stay here long enough for me to get all that.

Basically, TGC is nonchalantly ringing us dry by giving us spirits we can't just ignore, and trying to hide that by giving us the Hiking Grouch cause most people will likely see that as an "unnecessary" spirit.

Hatred towards TGC

[honey-kissaragi]

hello ! welcome to my blog !

— I'll be listing some extra info about me down here . . . read if you want !

☆ as listed in my bio , I answer to more than just one name . you may choose one to use on me ( or more if you wish ) ! i use any / all pronouns , and i am an otherkin & fictionkin . feel free to ask what are my sources if you have any interest in knowning !

☆ my favorite medias are devilman , chainsaw man , bungo stray dogs , madoka magica , chainsaw man , needy streamer overload , cutie honey , a variety of rythym games , vocaloid , sanrio , hyv games , hikaru ga shinda natsu , you and me and her , skullgirls , and omori . if we do not share any interests / you hate any of them , please avoid interacting (╥﹏╥)

☆ DNI : hmmm . . . I don't have a DNI or anything other than the basics ( racist , homophobic , transphobic , z00 , etc . ) so i guess i'll just say that i block freely ! ^_^ but if i may be so bold to ask please be nice and remember that i am a real person with feelings outside of the interwebs !

☆ links : pronouny.xyz , pronouns.page . straw.page

[wandasallerdyce]

Twilight Time - Steve Harrington

Pairing - Steve Harrington x M! Reader

Fandom - Stranger Things

Requested - yes/no

Warning(s) - one cuss word, all fluff

Notes - ugh, I’m a whore for this man 😩. But n e ways I was listening to Twilight Time earlier and said fuck it I’m writing for my best boi Steve. Also an upload two days in a row?! Woah! (p.s. I haven’t watched ST in a while so sorry if it’s cringe 😗)

(GIF not mine)

Steve was nervous to say the least. In just a few moments, you’d be walking down the makeshift isle the kids had made for your guys’ wedding. When you had told them that you guys were planning to get married in secret due to the law not letting you guys get legally married, they were excited and instantly asked to decorate the small part of the woods were you’d be hosting the wedding. And of course you guys said yes (more like were forced to).

Heavenly shades of night are falling, it's twilight time

When Steve had proposed to you, you guys had gone out to go stargazing. He was fascinated that you knew so much about the stars. He loved how the moonlight fell on your (s/c) face, making it glow beautifully. At this point, Steve was still wondering if he should go along with the plan. He knew both of you guys were young. He was 20 while you were 19. He didn’t want to tie you down to him when you could go to college and succeed in life.

Steve couldn’t help it though. Ever since he first saw you walk in through the doors at school, he was instantly enamored with you. He knew you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. When he finally went to talk to you, it was during a party. He was nervous as hell and was barely able to stutter out a “H-Hey I’m Steve. Steve Harrington.” To add on to the awkwardness, he did hand guns after.

You simply giggled and decided to flirt with him a little. “Harrington, huh? Got a nice ring to it. It’d be even nicer if it was next to my name.” You replied with a smirk. He instantly choked on air and went beet red in the face. ‘Smooth. Real smooth’ he instantly thought. He straightened his composure and shirt and replied “would you like to get out of here?” whilst offering you his hand which you instantly held. “Sure, why not?” You said while smiling. Needless to say, you guys ended up having a steamy make out session in his car.

Steve just couldn’t get enough of your lips. They were so plump and soft, unlike any other lips he had ever kissed. If it were even possible, he fell in love with you even more. Eventually, after a few more make out sessions, he had the courage to ask you out on a date, which you instantly agreed to. Ever since then, you’ve both always been together.

When purple colored curtains mark the end of day I'll hear you, my dear, at twilight time

Some nights, Steve would climb up to your window and get in bed with you after a rough day. You’d hear him out and hug him tightly if he starts crying. Steve loves you for that. He loves that he can count on you whenever he needs help.

When he gets the job at Scoops Ahoy, you become a regular and tease Steve, who’s in his uniform. “Look at the cute boy in the sailors outfit!” You say while sighing dreamily. “Stop it!” He replies back, going instantly red. Meanwhile, you compliment Robin’s outfit which got a pout from Steve. “You’re still cute nonetheless, Stevie.” You tell him while giving him a quick kiss which instantly brings a smile to his face. “Exit the break room.” Robin simply replies.

Deep in the dark your kiss will thrill me like days of old Lighting the spark of love that fills me with dreams untold

And here you guys were, looking at the stars together, laying on one of his blankets on top of his car. He turned his body to look at you with you doing the same. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” He asked, staring at you lovingly. “Nope.” You replied, giggling softly, which earned you a playful eye roll.

“No, but seriously, I really love you. Your beautiful (e/c) eyes, your unique personality, basically, everything about you is amazing. I love you. I love how you listen to all my problems, letting me vent out all my problems, yes, I even loved how you teased me in the sailors outfit and,” he shakily pulls out the ring, which causes you to gasp. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So what do you say, (y/n)? Want to officially- unofficially get married?” He asks, and gulps right after. ‘Maybe I rushed it too fast’ he thinks.

“Of course Steve! Yes!” You exclaim, jumping into his lap which earns an oof from Steve. He smiles the biggest smile he’s ever done and slips the ring onto your finger and kisses you deeply. You pull away and look at the ring until you notice the similarity.

“Wait, did you get this from the machine at the store we were at the other day?”

“Yes?” He said, nervously.

“Eh, I love it anyway. It’s perfect.” You said and went back to kissing him.

Here, in the afterglow of day, we keep our rendezvous beneath the blue

Now, here he was, in the present day, at the same spot in the woods where he proposed to you. It had also become the place where you guys would get married unofficially. He was nervous to say the least. He was constantly tapping his foot to the point where Mike slapped him in the arm to stop him. Jonathan was his man of honor. Sure, it was a bit weird but they had become close friends ever since the demogorgon shit ended.

Meanwhile, Robin was your maid of honor. Ever since you walked into Scoops Ahoy for the first time, you instantly became best friends with Robin and saw her as the sister you never had. You guys would constantly team up and annoy Steve together which he would laugh at at first but eventually it got too overwhelming as both of you were good at pranks.

Max walked in with a bell and rang it too many times to count, but got the message through that it was time to start. Steve’s breath hitched as he saw you walk in. You looked so handsome in the white clothes you had picked out and he fell even harder for you. Hopper was walking you down the aisle and would also serve as the officiant. He didn’t even realize you had reached the center and were holding his hands.

He stared into your shining (e/c) eyes while reciting his vows which made him feel lucky as he’d be able to look at them everyday he’d wake up. After reciting your guys’ vows and sharing a kiss, you simply told him, “Guess “Harrington” did make it into my name.” He smiled as he looked at you, reminiscing about your guys’ first conversation.

Here in the sweet and same old way, I fall in love again as I did then

After the ceremony, Steve drove both of you to your guys’ new house. It was small but homey at the same time. When you guys arrived, Steve opened the door for you, picked you up and walked you guys inside. It was beautiful from the inside. You had already bought some furniture to accommodate it to your guys’ liking. Steve set you down and went to turn on the small radio you had sitting on a coffee table. Instantly, Twilight Time by The Platters started playing.

Steve moved closer to you and put a hand on your waist and held the other one, while you placed your free hand on his shoulder. You guys started dancing across the living room, matching the rythym of the song. He would dip you and move you guys across the room. As the song ended, he dipped you one last time, brought you back up and placed a deep kiss on your lips. “I’ll never get tired of this. I love you, (y/n) Harrington.”

“I love you too, Steve Harrington.”

FIN

[wiccan-succulento]

Aconitum Napellus

*This is a POISON.

(I know a lot of this is medical terms and may be hard to understand- I basically look up every term I come across. I’ve included definitions for most, but not all. I have tried finding my list of sources, but I have lost them. I have NOT personally had experience with this; therefore, some information may be slightly off, or not accurate according to new studies. Feel free to add new information, definitions, or facts. I am NOT a health professional.)

Common Names: Aconite, Monk’s Hood, Wolf’s Bane, Blue Rocket, Queen of Poisons, Soldier’s Helmet, Devil’s Helmet, Mouse Bane, Leopard’s Bane, Women's’ Bane, Brute Killer, Dog Killer

Native to: Central and Western Europe, Asia

Toxicity: Severe. All parts of the plants are toxic, especially the roots and root tubers

Poison will enter the body through contact with skin, contact with broken skin or wounds, ingestion, consuming any part of the plant. 

The taste of the poison is a very bitter one, followed by a burning of the mouth and possibly esophagus, then numbing of the mouth.

Toxins in the plant include:

Aconitine- cardiotoxin (heart toxin) and neurotoxin (nerve toxin)

Mesaconitine

Hypaconitine

Side Effects can take a few minutes to a few hours to show. 

Side Effects Include:

Abdominal Pain

Nausea

Vomiting

General Numbness

Partial Paralysis

Respiratory Paralysis

Paresthesia- abnormal sensation of the skin (tingling, numbness, chilling, burning, prickling) with no apparent physical cause

Diarrhea

Bradycardia- abnormally slow heart rythym

Hypotension

Chest pain

Palpitations

Sinus tachycardia- elevated sinus rhythm characterized by an increase in the rate of electrical impulses arising from the sinoatrial node (group of cells in the wall of the heart’s right atrium). In adults, sinus tachycardia is defined as a heart rate greater than 100 beats/min (bpm)

Ventricular ectopics- extra heart beats originating in the bottom heart chambers

Ventricular tachycardia- fast abnormal heart rate

Ventricular fibrillation- rapid and erratic electrical impulses of the heart

Defective color vision 

 The main causes of death are refractory ventricular arrhythmias & asystole. The severity of the toxins are related to the onset of rapid heart rhythm changes

Preexisting health conditions, old age, pregnancy, and breast feeding may amplify the side effects.

Overall in-hospital mortality is 5.5%

Antidotes & Remedies-  

It has been reported that the effects of aconite can be buffered/eliminated by various alchemical methods. 

Management is supportive, including immediate attention to vital functions and close monitoring of blood pressure & cardiac rhythm. 

Inotropic therapy** is required if hypotension persists. Atropine*^ should be used to treat bradycardia. 

Aconite-induced ventricular arrhythmias are often refractory to direct current cardioversion & antiarrhythmic drugs. 

Available clinical evidence suggests that amiodarone & flecainide are reasonable first-line treatment.

In refractory cases of ventricular arrhythmias & cardiogenic shock, it’s most important to maintain systemic blood flow, blood pressure, & tissue oxygenation by early use of cardiopulmonary bypass. 

The role of charcoal hemoperfusion to remove circulating aconitine alkaloids is not established.) 

The early use of cardiopulmonary bypass is recommended if ventricular arrhythmias and cardiogenic shock are refractory to first-line treatment 

**An inotrope is an agent that alters the force or energy of muscular contractions

*^ Atropine is a medication used to treat certain types of nerve agent and pesticide poisonings as well as some types of slow heart rate, and to decrease saliva production during surgery

Reducing toxicity-

Boiling, steaming, or soaking the plant may reduce toxicity due to the toxins being heat sensitive alkaloids. Since the toxic effect of raw aconite can be buffered/eliminated altogether by various alchemical methods, early Chinese medical texts focus much attention on processes involving the production of processed aconite. This includes procedures with special growing & harvesting techniques, special processing techniques, & herb combining techniques that blend the processed root with other foods and medicinal substances to safeguard against negative side effects. 

Ancient Chinese herbalists espoused a distinct concept of space referred to as “daodi yaocai” (herbs grown in a proper location). This concept is especially used when dealing with a variation of the Aconitum Napellus plant.

Li Shizhen and other ancient authorities of Chinese materia medica invariably state that “the best [aconite] is produced in Mianzhu in the region of Shu (northern part of today’s Sichuan province). Although aconite plants can also be found in other areas, they are unsuitable for treating disease.” A Song dynasty account gives a description of this particular region that is still known for producing China’s only “genuine” aconite 

The Chinese materia medica contains about 70 recorded types of post-harvest processing techniques aimed at reducing the toxic potential of aconite. The toxic effect of aconite stems from its alkaloids, especially aconitine. Since this ingredient is sensitive to heating, the processes of roasting, boiling or in most recent times, pressure-steaming, can reduce the effects of most alkaloids. Ancient Chinese texts specify that before heating, the aconite tuber should be peeled with bamboo knives. This labor-intensive technique has been abandoned in the modern production of medicinal aconite.

There is emphasis on the removal of the salt used for preservation of the aconite tubers after the harvest before they are brought to market. After the harvest, the unprocessed aconite root will decay rapidly (within a week) unless it is immediately immersed in brine. Brine immersion will embalm the root during the time when the entire year’s harvest is waiting for the typical step-by-step detoxification process consisting of skin removal and the application of heat. Traditional paozhi techniques specify that all brine is removed from the raw aconite slices before steaming or baking them, by soaking and rinsing them repeatedly in basins of fresh water. Seasoned Fire School practitioners, i.e. the contemporary scholar-physicians Drs. Lu Chonghan and Liu Lihong, have observed that industrial aconite production during the last two decades has flooded the market with high salt content aconite slices. To most kidney deficient patients, this significant salt residue in most pharmacy grade aconite (70% in most contemporary aconite products) is harmful and may be partially responsible for some of the side effects associated with aconitine alkaloids in the pharmacological literature. In addition, it has become common practice in recent years to remove the root peel by immersion in hydrochloric acid, defying the stringent alchemical experience of aconite detoxification garnered during the last two millennia.

Medicinal Uses -

Medicinal applications of aconite were not fully explored until the 18th century when Viennese physician Anton Stoerck published his clinical observations about benefits of the “internal use of aconite in humans” in 1762. Alleged therapeutic uses include treatment of joint & muscle pain. As a tincture applied to skin, it’s claimed to slow heart rate in cardiac patients. Other claimed uses: reduction of fevers & cold symptoms. Some take it by mouth for facial paralysis, joint pain, gout, finger numbness, cold hands & feet, inflammation, painful breathing & fluid in space surrounding the lungs (pleurisy), certain heart problems (pericarditis sicca), fever, skin diseases, & hair loss. Aconite is also used as a disinfectant to treat wounds & promote sweating. Some apply aconite to skin in liniment as a “counter irritant” for treating facial pain, joint pain, & leg pain (sciatica). Aconite root contains chemicals that may improve circulation, but also contains chemicals that can harm the heart, muscles, & nerves

.

History-  

Aconitum Napellus was used in ancient times as poison on spears and arrows for hunting and battles. The tips and (possibly) shafts pf arrows were covered with the poison so anyone helping a wounded soldier may get poisoned as well by skin contact.

As wolfsbane, it was believed to repel werewolves and wolves. The poison was placed in raw meat which would kill wolves attacking livestock.

 Ancient Romans used it as a method of execution. 

In Hong Kong, aconite is the most common cause of severe poisoning from herbs. In Asia, toxicity is related to the use of aconite in traditional medicines. In western countries, aconite poisoning is associated with consuming the plant 

Supposedly used in times of war by retreating armies to poison enemy water supplies. Generals would realize the poisoning and be forced not to pursue the enemy. 

The poison was placed on the tips of harpoons to kill whales more easily. 

The murder of Percy John by his brother-in-law, Dr. George Henry Lampson, was carried out using aconite

“If [aconite] sap is condensed by simmering, it is called Shewang (Shooting Net) and used to kill wild animals.” The 5th century Daoist hermit Tao Hongjing elaborates further: “When the sap of the raw [aconite] vine is extracted by mortaring it to a pulp, and then concentrating it by simmering, the paste yielded from this process is called Shewang. Arrows dipped into it can be used by hunters to shoot wild animals; when hit by such an arrow, an animal will fall to the ground after 10 steps. If a human is struck by such an arrow, s/he will die as well, unless the poison is swiftly neutralized by an antidote.

Known Cases

Very low margin of safety between therapeutic and toxic doses of aconitine.

A 66-year-old female with no known heart disease obtained Aconite from an herbalist. She was instructed to make tea with it to treat her osteoarthritis*. About 90 minutes after consuming the tea she developed numbness of the face, arms, & legs. Rapidly followed by nausea, weakness, & chest pressure. In an Emergency Room, she was found to have an abnormal heart rhythm. After 4 hours of treatment with drugs & electrical shocks to her heart, a normal heart rhythm was restored.

* most common form of arthritis. It occurs when the protective cartilage cushioning the ends of bones wears down over time

There are cases of poisoning in which people intentionally swallow Aconitum napellus they grow because of claimed therapeutic effects. A 21-year-old male acquired Aconitum napellus plants after reading a book on herbal medicine. He ground up the dried roots & filled capsules with the material. He took 1 capsule daily for several months to treat anxiety. (No symptoms were reported during that time) In order to increase the effects one evening, he swallowed 3 capsules and went to sleep. Five hours later he awoke with generalized numbness, nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, chest pain, shortness of breath, & defective color vision (seeing purple). It was believed that early symptoms went unnoticed because he was asleep. In an ER, his heart rate was 43 bpm, and he had an abnormal heart rhythm. Plasma concentrations of aconitine supported poisoning by A. napellus. He spent 48 days in the hospital.

SOURCES: N/A, my list was lost when moving my information to a new document. I know for a fact I have spanned at least 6 websites, and 2 YouTube videos (only one of which was helpful) as well as the materia medica of John Henry Clark

[fitafe]

random bois + sky cotl + reader

A/N lmao no one is sending asks in so i asked the discord to chose some anime dudes and here we are. alsoif you dont knw what sky is (you most likely dont) then look it up and go play it. now.

KENMA

ha

we all know our boi is a verteran player

infact he was prob a beta player

that said youve been playing for a while as well

not as long as him ofc because he wanted to wait until the official version came out to show but like as he could he got u like all the shit

speaking of which

he buys you and shouyo like all the candles and adventure pass shit u want its fucking great

heart trades everyday

and if u need more hearts he’ll prob just find people from a unnoficial discord where u can ask for heart trades

also cr everyday

he lets u do wasteland tho cuz hoestly he sucks at avoiding krill no one knows why he just a krill magnet

he has to have home glitch ready at all times rip

plus its fun to ride those burnt ass shrimp fucks

i think he’d have all the elder hairs but mostly only wear valley elder ones

specifically yhte one with the bob

do they have names? 

whatever idk

anyway 

youre like

the ultimate uber

especially for wasteland

and eden

sometimes youll go to prairie/isle to pick up moths

and then u get to see them grow and u just feel like a proud parent hshhahsh

sometimes kenma will come with but not often cuz he hates moths

loud and annoying and clueless and opening the wasteland gate while hes still collecting the fucking wax-

so u if u want him to come u prob have to bribe him

oh yall totally have beta capes

he knows al the glitches 

sometimes when hes feeling sad you’ll just cuddle while playing sky its great

if ur an artist he will literally die for ur art

like he wont show it but he’ll always make sure to take lots of screenshots for u to draw + different outfits 

so basically playing sky with kenma would be fucking awesome

KAGEYAMA

hh ok so

you def started playing first 

you began like right before season of rythym

and he began right before enchantment

poor boi is so confused

has literally no idea how to play

you have to force him through gw and eden like he wont admit it but hes terrified

i mean

this bitch shrimp fuck keeps making him lose stars and wierd littles rocks keep knocking him over hhnnggng

poor boi

you have to help him through everything

as soon as u stop laughing

u hoestly cant help it bitch didnt know which way to go at the beging of isle even tho there was a fucking path right in front of him

hes so stupid we love him

honestly he didnt play much until u started forcing him to come with u on crs 

now he’s kinda obsessed with getting a shit ton of candles

Does Not Like Vault

he doesnt know why he just Doesn’t Like it

sometimes volleyball interferes with cr and ofc volleyball takes prority so u just sit there with his phone next to u and just reatach him when u need to

oh and u both have adventure passes

somtimes after a stressful day or smth u both just head to sanctuary and just chill there

like you’ll be messing with the crabs or smth and kags is hopping on the jellyfish

kags rlly wants forest hair

it just,, looks so cool

the ony elder hair u have is gw

but u jus need like 20 more hearts for valley

honestly its pretty sweet playing with kags he just calms down so much

except in gw and eden but we don’t talk abt that

A/N should i do more? i feel like i should do more but idk who

[ask-the-crimson-king]

Music Shill of the Day

[YOU HAVE BEEN BAMBOOZLED IT’S AN ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM THAT I’M SHILLING MOTHERFUCKERS.

This album is called Epitaph and it is by Pyramaze and GOOD FUCKING LORD do I love this. 

It was released on November 13th, and I have been listening to it practically non-stop ever since. Since I’ve given it a few days to settle in my brain, I am now doing a full shill for it. 

TL;DR SINCE I’M ADDING A CUT! Album slaps and y’all should go listen to it. It’s power metal (of course), very intense and emotional/uplifting sort. Best songs (in my opinion) are basically all of them. They are all good.

But if I did have to choose a top 3, it’d be:

>Steal My Crown >Final Hour >Particle or Indestructible

BUT ONTO the very rambly and more song-specific shilling.

I’m going to take this song-by-song and also link the full playlist here (youtube link, the album is also on spotify) because you can only have four videos per post and I don’t want to flood people with this thing. 

Also fair disclaimer for people who understand music; I don’t, I just enjoy this shit enough to try and share it with others. So if this sounds like a five year old trying to explain music, I’m sorry. I just am like that.

Also also disclaimer that not all of the songs have lyrics that I can find, so for some (if I posted lyrics) they are what I can decipher.

ANYWAY.

Epitaph on its own is a very beautiful sounding instrumental. It feels quiet, a little somber, but also uplifting. After going through it a few times, I can hear bits and pieces of the other songs on the album, which is a neat touch. And then it ends and smoothly transitions into A Stroke of Magic. Now, I’ve already done a shill for A Stroke of Magic, however the song, even weeks later,

STILL SLAPS. 

I love it. It is definitely a shift from Epitaph with its intensity, but it still carries over some of the instrumental into the song. I love the lyrics, I love the musicality of it, I love everything. It is one of the slower, more... forceful, if that makes any sense, songs on the album. It feels like something is slowly building and building as the song goes on, and this intensity carries into Steal My Crown. 

Steal My Crown is an absolute banger. I love it for so many reasons. I love how it opens, I love its riffs, I love how the lyrics are sung, it just is an absolute BANGER of a song. I love it so very much. It is also a bit of a slower and forceful song, but it still has that more signature intensity I’ve come to associate with these guys. 

The verses contrasting with how the chorus is sung is something I’m a sucker for. Especially with the guitars and synths hyping up the chorus and adding to this wonderful buildup. It makes the chorus sound even more powerful and amazing. I absolutely LOVE THIS SHIT. It is AMAZING.

Also love how the song ends. Just. It’s so good, guys. It’s so fucking good.

And now we come to Knights in Shining Armour.

Or, as I know it, 

“THE D&D SONG!”

Knights in shining armour, On a quest for power, Taking charge of things you'll never know. To raise the name of glory, Is bloody mandatory, If you want to end this puppet show! Knights in shining armour, Embittered by the hour. Taking charge of things you'll never see. But the road is long and torturous, Paved with steady progress, To bring this villain to his knees!

Classic D&D, anyway. It has that jaunty adventurer feel to it, and the chorus is just. It’s D&D. It is simply D&D. It’s fucking great. It is a nice lil jaunt. Don’t have much more to say, it is just a very enjoyable listen.

Bird of Prey is next. It’s maybe the weakest song on the album. I do not hate it, nor do I dislike it greatly. This entire album is amazing and absolutely slaps. However this one just feels like a song I’d hear while watching a trailer for a romcom or some sort of superhero movie with a romance b-plot for the hero. It’s not as particularly amazing as the other songs, but it’s far from horrible. Nice lil song to listen to.

Your Last Call is interesting. It’s intro is a bit different, a bit choppy, but it still definitely works for the song. That choppiness carries over throughout the song and it fits. Very nice to listen to. This one is also a bit weak on the album, but it’s still a nice song. 

AND now we come to Particle.

LET’S TALK ABOUT P A R T I C L E.

I'm chasing every particle of you, I don't wanna fight no more. But I can't believe it, I'm following your shadow's out the door. Calling out your name, but I know, I'm easily deceived and alone!  

First off, love it. Love love love it. It has a similar style and feel to Steal My Crown with that intense opening and then a more subdued verse that begins to lead into a very powerful chorus. Plus it has that little choppiness in it. 

The pre-chorus leading into the chorus just gets you ready for it to just... explode. AND IT FUCKIN DOES.

AND IT SLAPS.

And then it gives you some time to try and catch your breath before it punches you in the face again. But it’s still just... amazing. Wonderful. 

Also the lyrical content is grand and I enjoy it immensely even if it is maybe potentially a love song? Not sure completely. Still love the song anyway. 

I’m gonna be 100 with you okay.

Seeing this next song’s title I thought it may have been a cover.

It is not.

INDESTRUCTIBLE STILL FUCKING SLAPS SO DAMN HARD THOUGH.

I don’t know what we’re fighting for, Why are we trying to die so young? We are in-de, We are in-de. I don’t know what we’re fighting for, Why are we trying to die so young? We are in-de, -structible in life.

It is intense. It has that buildup. It has a great chorus. It has everything I praised the last few songs for. 

Its pacing does feel a bit different to that of Particle or Steal my Crown, but that’s part of why I still think it slaps. It just. Slaps. THE WHOLE ALBUM FUCKING SLAPS OKAY-

Alright so Transcendence.

It has a guest singer! She has a nice voice to listen to. I’m not a fan of femenine singers personally, but I like her voice.

The song itself, it feels... more somber, more like the title track than some of the other songs. Of course it has that signature intensity, but it also feels just...

Can’t really describe it. Slower. Calmer. Like a bit of a breath, for the last leg of the journey. 

Anyway.

Final Hour.

Uh.

Feels.

First of all, it just jumps right into the song. Not much of an intro before the lyrics begin. I like that. And the rythym of it is nice to listen to. 

And then the chorus...

Oh honey.

In our final hour, When the times are rough. We were sworn together, Last chance -- it's now or never! In our final hour, For the greater good. One man, of fifty million, In our sense of brilliance.

(Don’t feel too confident about those last two lines to be honest).

Fuck man. I just. Undescribable love for this song. Its entire feel of it just makes me feel kinda sad. This has a similar feel to Heroes (of Dundee) by Gloryhammer. I can’t catch all of the lyrics, and I can very well be wrong, but it feels like it has a similar theme. Of a sort of inevitability that something huge is about to happen.

Warriors are about to go off and potentially sacrifice themselves to save lives. 

A bit heavy, but I love it. 

Anyway. From something a little heavy, we get to World Forgone.

Aka something even MORE heavy. If I’m reading the lyrics correctly, it’s a song referencing how the world is becoming polluted, and how it’s dying. 

Mournful. Depressing. That somber feeling is back. Still a really good song.

And now.

We come to the end. A 12-minute song called The Time Traveler.

And GOOD FUCK I WOULD LOVE LYRICS BECAUSE THIS SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY COOL STORY IF I AM HEARING THIS CORRECTLY.

May do a Bonus Shill for this song in particular when the lyrics are released. 

This song features two guests in it, and I will say the guest singer kinda reminded me of Fabio Lione. However I haven’t heard much of that guy’s stuff outside of the song he did with Ancient Bards. 

(The guests are Lance & Matt King)

This is a very nice way to end the album. There’s talk of timelines, of maybe a sorcerer or warlock who is gaining power/succumbing to darkness. I say maybe cause THERE ARE NOT LYRICS OUT YET. I would LOVE them. I will do another shill when they come out.

SAME FOR THE OTHER SONGS WITHOUT LYRICS. Damn it. 

Anyway, this is a very good song, of course it is. The pacing of it doesn’t make it feel like you’re listening for eternity, which is something I appreciate. 

But I suppose that’s all I have to say. This post is long enough. 

THIS ALBUM SLAPS. LISTEN TO IT. ITS GOOD.]

[avernale]

Afraid That I Might Get This Job

So I interviewed for this job yesterday. Inventory scanner. Basically, what this company does is send their employees to various stores either after they've closed or before they open (I've been assured it's mostly the latter) and log the inventory. They use a special device that is basically a barcode scanner with a number pad on it. You scan the product's barcode, type in how many units there are, then move on to the next product. In six hour shifts. I go to their office for an interview and they have me watch a seven-minute video basically trying to sell me on the idea of taking this job. Then they show me how the scanner works and have me try it out. Then they interview me, just a couple questions before saying they'll need to do a background check before conducting a follow-up interview. This job pays about fourteen dollars an hour and I may have to drive myself to locations up to half an hour away (for locations over an hour away will shuttle me there in a van). So, anyway, what they had me practice on was a poster of a hypothetical store shelf filled with (mostly) name-brand products photoshopped into place in various quantities. And as I'm getting a feel for the rythym of the task, I could start to see the potential surrealness of it. Like I'm the protagonist of a Chuck Palahnuk movie or indie film in which a mix of boredom, impotence, and probably drugs is slowly driving me insane. Picture this: I'm in bed, and my ringtone rouses me from my slumber. The amount of stubble on my face suggests I haven't shaved in weeks, but it's almost by not quite shy of perfectly man-scaped. I'm in my boxers because I'm played by a hot dude (otherwise its a t-shirt and sweatpants). I answer the phone. I'm still three-quarters asleep and can barely comprehend what he's saying. It's almost pitch-black in my cramped, dilapidated apartment until I open the blinds and let in the noon-day sun. He wants to know if I'm still looking for a job, because he's managed to pull some strings. I make breakfast in a drawn-out sequence to show how empty and dull my life is. I make toast, eggs, and cereal with a glass of orange juice to wash it down. Every step is depicted in uncomfortably close shots of the food I'm preparing. And you have to watch me eat it just a bit longer than necessary just to further demonstrate how boring and awkward I am. Cut to the interview, where you catch me at the tail end of the promotional video. My future boss takes me into the next room to show me how to use the scanning tool. Scan (beep) digits (beep) enter (beep) scan (beep)... Now you try. Scan (beep) digits (beep) enter (beep) scan (beep)... Yeah, now you're getting it. Scan (beep) digits (beep) enter (beep) scan (beep)... Cool, alright, you start tomorrow. I start my job and the plot happens. A love interest is introduced but I'm too shy and/or disinterested to ask her out despite how the Male Gaze totally shows how into her I am. Some dude gets hit by a car and it's never brought up again. But my life is still somehow boring and the only interesting thing going on is how I'm slowly going insane and probably doing drugs. I'm making breakfast again. Same process, but the montage is quicker. You already saw how boring and tedious my day is, you just need to know it's still happening and still empty and dull. Back to work. Generic soda. Scan (beep) digits (beep) enter (beep). Generic granola bars. Scan (beep) digits (beep) enter (beep). Random product placement. Scan (beep) digits (beep) enter (beep). Pulsating mass of flesh. ... I stare at the mass. It pulsates back at me. I continue to stare at the mass. It continues to pulsate, but now I can hear a quiet thumping each time. My stare is blank, but the tighter shot of my face suggests it's more intense now. Tighter shots of the mass. The thumping gets louder and faster with each passing second. My eyes fill the screen. You can see my desperation and hear heaving breathing. Hey, man, are you alright? A hand on my shoulder jump-scares me back to reality. It's just a coworker, maybe my love interest. The pulsating mass was never there. It was all in my head. Yeah, no, man, it's cool. I'm just tired is all. I go home with the realization that if something doesn't change soon I'm going to snap. I probably also narrowly avoid getting in an accident (a call back to the random dude getting hit by a car?). I start trying to make something of my life without doing anything too drastic. I start going out with that girl. I go to parties. Do harder drugs. Almost get hit by a car. Dial it back a bit. Refocus. I don't know how to end this hypothetic story. Maybe it just ends with no real resolution. Maybe I die. Or go to jail. Maybe no one remembers how it ends no matter how many times they see it and hyper-focus on the scene with the pulsating mass of flesh. But you get the point I'm trying to make, right? Right? Anyway, it's not the most ideal job, but I'll take what I can get for now. I just hope I can get something better before I'm officially on the pay roll. Maybe I'll start taking commissions. I dunno.

Posted using PostyBirb

[cj-rogers]

locked,

[ So flashback. Charlie Jo had to lie to her parents. And she had to lie to them like she hadn't lied to them in a hot minute. Because Beau was upstairs hiding in her closet, while she finished off some icing on her plate from the birthday cake her parent's had specially ordered from a nice cake shop. And it was the best cake she had ever tasted, but the sweetest was turning into dirt as Stove Roger's looked up at her with a searing proudness in her. And Sage, she was holding her husband's hand all too endearingly as they beamed at their 18 year old.]

Please stop looking at me like that.

We're allowed we're your parents.

You're an adult, Charlie.

Sure. I feel no different.

And you've been doing so well.

[Charlie. Does. Not. Believe. The. Hype. As. The. Cake. Is. A. Lie.]

And though we've had some ups and downs with that Bellum girl. I think she's finally proving to be a wonderful influence. You're up to date on your course work, you're test came out clear. [Sage sTILL CAN'T BELIEVe ThAt ONE. A dRUg TESt? pASSED? Must have borrowed pee?? No?? Bet. From Hanna.] And you're using your manners. [She bEEms.]

Mom, stop.

Honestly, Charlie. You two are a perfect match.

It's not like that. [ A grOAn.]

If it were, we'd approve.

Wonderful. New subject. Hanna's gross and likes boys. [ hUFF.]

Plans for the night?

A bubble bath, a change in sweatpants and some more Poe. You know. Nothing like some alone time. Maybe drown out the loud parents with some Fionna Apple.

And what's Hanna doing?

Working. I told her I wanted to spend my birthday alone so.

And no other plans with a Winnie Warner? [ An eyebrow raise.] A Bravo???

Winnie Warner is nothing to me.

Charlie.

So are both Bravos.

Charlie Jo.

Fine. I'm not speaking to them, no. And I'm NOT spending my birthday with people I'm not speaking to. It'd be rather awkward, right.

So we'll be able to rest easy knowing you're not out drinking alcohol?

Yeah. Sure. [ IT'S A LIE OBVIOUSLY. Beau's alreADy coNVINCED HER TO GO CLUBBING. Literally. Beau is alREADY UPSTAIRS IN HER ROOM. HIDING IN HER CLOSEt ANd TRYIng his best to reMAIN quIEt. And here she is lying to her parents.......]

And you won't be getting arrested with the brother of the girl's car you're taking a bat too?

[ A shake of her head and Dad could you fucking not? It's not funny. Really. It's not.] That's 17 year old Charlie. 18 year old Charlie reads books for fun~

[ It's what every stage wants to hear, really?]

And should you be lying to us??

I'm not.

So we shouldn't have to follow through with our warning.

I would ask you to humor me, but no.

[ And here’s a hint, they didn't humor her but the look on her parent's faces-- her Dad's specifically continued to drill into the back of her head.

And how many drinks are we in??? How many shots? How much time has passed? How many bodies had pressed against her to the house music in the background? Enough for her to not feel her skin crawl as Tiffany side-eyed her from the bar.

Enough for her to have already lost Beau in the buzz of the crowd.  And had she already grown tired of his drunk ass??  Yes. Because all he was speaking about as the time continued to pass by was his love for Nati Harper. His love for the baby growing inside of her, and the love that he never had claimed to have felt ever in a billion year. And it was a pit of indigestion that was growing at the bottom of Charlie's stomach and the dizziness in her head that was only annoying her more.

Beau Bravo in his smug smiling sloshed state, and happy. And why did he deserve happiness? Of all people? And without Hanna?

So there was groan after groan and 'Shut the fuck up' after 'seriously shut the fuck up already. We get it you're in love' until finally Charlie had waved her hand at him and decided to find her own lady. And really? Beau?--]

Seriously. Fucking marry her already.

[ It was the jealousy speaking, and the sarcastic asshole inside of her coming out as she sauntered away with an eye roll, without any real intention of meeting back with him because he was ruining her vibe. The vibe she hadn't felt in so long.

And it was scary for her to feel like her old self again, but that was what was happening. Slowly and surely as the night pressed. And the thought rested in the back of her mind.

But the forefront of her mind was wondering if she should go home already. Because it was getting late, and her parents, should they have checked up on her locked door, may have been wondering why her room was so quiet...

And the revelation of her decisions was slowly peaking into a fit of paranoia because what a fucking terrible decision this actually was...

And lying to her parents?

And letting Beau pick her a lady? Like she did for him? Why would she ever agree to that? Besides Beau had awful taste.. redheads?? fourteen-year-olds??? Blondes in generaL???

So she was being tapped on the shoulder as a worried face meets Beau. And her eyes rolled to the back of her head almost too involuntarily.]

Happy Birthday, Charlie Jo.

[ It was a flashing smile, and a twinkly finger wave from a girl who knew her name. And did Charlie Jo know the girl? Her memory escaped her but it seemed as such. She fluttered her eyelids at the blonde in front of her, and smiled a nice Charlie Jo smile.]

You know her? Fuck, Charlie is there anyone that you don't know???

[ And there was a set of fluttery eyes from the girl that were on Charlie Jo, and now on Beau.]

But I don't know you?~

[It's a snort from Charlie Jo, and wide eyes from Beau Bravo because he'd forgotten what it was like to be picked up by a girl.]

Careful, Blondie, he's pretty much married already.

[ And Charlie's shrugged, patted Beau on the back and offered him a 'nice try' and excused herself. 1. For leaving and 2. Not remembering the girl's name like what a terrible person. but not completely unliKE her.

She paid a nod to Beau's efforts as the other girl continued to grip on Beau's arm, then headed to the bar again-- opposite of where Tiffany Boomer had been and ordered a final shot of her poison because it if that wasn't a hint enough-- it was time to go home. Beau wouldn't be able to find a girl Charlie hadn't slept with, right? Right. Sure. The mission of the night was impossible.

So it's time to leave--It's time to leave that old Charlie Jo behind with that problematic Beau Bravo, and try not to look back. And it was a good drunken decision. bet. Go hOMe CHarlie jo.

So the last tequila shot dripped from her lips, and nearly missed her mouth because her brain couldn't connect basic motor functions apparently. There was a couch and a face of pure pain because why did she think it would be a good idea to have yet another one of thOSE? Wiping her mouth with the sleeve on her arm, it was with a final sway that she'd pushed herself away from that bar. Backing away slowly, scanning the building as if her eyes were looking her last blurry vision of the place.

And with even heavier eye-lids from before she turned to exit the building with no real clue of if she knew where she even was heading. Surely her sense of direction wouldn't fail her, but that crumbling inebriated mind of hers?? It would. And so were her wobbly knees from swaying too much in the crowd of people--

And as the cool of the night hit her face, she was finding it even more difficult to walk in one single direction-- her rythym was still in sway-mode. Her mind hanging behind her, her hands in her pockets, because it was a chilly night as the jacket she had, wasn't keeping her warm enough.

And a chuckle to herself because she was going to be in so much shit.]

What's so funny?

[ Charlie wasn't sure the voice was speaking to her, but it did slow her down. And the approaching steps behind her did throw a hint that it was. But Charlie continued on because what else is a drunk and high girl to do especially when the voice sounded so familiar.]

You sound like a mental patient.

Oh. Fuck...

I thought I saw you in there.

[wandering-artist-and-writer-ded]

Rules: Answer 30 questions, tag 20 blogs

tagged by: @secondstickingaway

Nicknames: Wandering uh... yeah that’s it Ii think.

Gender: I have no bloody clue

Sign ✨: Scorpio

Height: 5′9″ ( I think)

Time: 4:27

🎂: Oct 27

Fav bands: Dead can Dance, 

Fav solo artists: Don’t know any of the top of my head.

Song stuck in my head: Well I’m listening to Singing Mountain from Chrono Trigger...

Last movie I saw: Thor: Ragnarok

Last show I ����: Trollhunters

When did I create my blog: Two years ago? 

What do I post: anything i want. My art, my writing, anything I feel is important or i see is cute.

Last thing I Googled: How to crochet slippers/socks

Do I have any other blogs:  Yeah Out-of-fxtes, my RP blog.

Do I get asks: Not really. 

Why did I chose my URL: Well when I first made this blog it was an RP blog, aaand i had myself as a character on it, and as I am an artist and writer (not very goood, but that’s beside the point) the name felt fitting. The name still works because I am an artist, writer, and I do move between fandoms... sooo wandering. 

Following: 613 

Followed by: 196

Average hours of 💤: Uuuuuhhhh 9ish? give or take a couple hours. 

Lucky number: 11

Instruments: I know very basic guitar, and I have taken choir in school. I am shite at both though, rythym and pitch deaf.. it REALLY hinders me..

What I am wearing: black shirt, jeans.

Dream job: Honestly? I’d love to be a vet and like.. like working with rehabilitating animals. Second to that (and something more what I’m probably capable of doing) a digital artist.

Dream trip: Going to someone who knows my ancestry and culture who could teach me.

Fav food: Sushi

Nationality: Canadian.

Fav song: Uuuhhh don’t have one. I enjoy too many.

Last 📓 I read: A Book Dragon

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join:

1) Pokemon 2) Undertale  3) don’t really have a third...

I tag: @sparklewolf404 

[ahnamission-blog]

so today

was actually a productive day. I came across a bunch of my old accounts and was surprised to see what I had written and how much I've grown. In this time span of the past year I've made so many voice recordings and note diaries in my iclouds, onedrives, evernotes of all the things I've learned and went through but it's weird none of them are public and all my stuff is everywhere I have like 13 email accounts and then drives and clouds connected to them, which are all like different chapters of my life which I can categorize by what music I had screenshotted and what color hair I had at the time. I don't know if anyone will read this but I'm getting into a eucalyptus bath at my parents home and I guess I'll just let my mind wander. Life has changed so much, i've chang3d so much. It's amazing how much has changed, the amount of synchronicity lately has been positively overwhelming, i miss writing. It's so strange that I tried killing myself and it's almost a year from the date la st year on 9/11. It's so weird that some people close to me never even acknowledged that it happened and bullied me even after it happened. So much has happened that I can't explain, to most unawakened sleepers or cynics or skeptics it sounds like hogwash or some random name of some random mental disorder. But it's not, all of this has been so real and my heart just keeps going back to the whole reason I know any of this at all, or even was interested in it. By someone who came into my life and presence has lingered long after his departure, leaving me with the desire to be kind to everyone I meet. Ugh I'm rambling. It's amazing how much you can miss someone or just wonder how they are, thinking about things I'd ask if given the chance or just being happy with the opportunity to listen, even as a friend. Why did I have to....ugh. anyways, it's weird that I tried to kill myself I guess. It's crazy that I stabbed myself and am still here, it changed me completely and it's even stranger that after getting out of the hospital that I just fell back into old things: facebook, instagram, caring what people think, and it's the strangest that ever since that suicide attempt that I've been met with so much rudenss, dog comments, ignorance and hostility....half and half comments, cup of joe, sloppy joes- all this shit. I don't sleep around yet people heckle me as if I'm a whore. I guess saving it for someone special equates to being whatever. Some people I'll never please. I don't need to, but it's different to watch the social hierarchy take place and people try to outdo each other, women hate on each other, people competing with one another or slandering each other online. A president who uses twitter.....its incredible how fake of a world we live in. And being aware of it, watching people succumb to the matrix and then being called crazy by those same people. Because I don't want to pay 600 dollars for some bag, or need a lip injection, or shop at a thrift store. Blah this is going to be a brain dump. This bath is so warm, I'm going to put the jets on. I've never had such intense incredibly lifelike dreams before in all my life, nor have I ever had to fight so hard to protect my energy or frequency, negative people exhaust me to no end. There's energy vampires and it's such a real thing but anyone who is one will play into the facade that it doesn't exist. I'm just letting all my thoughts go, it's been so long since I painted. I miss it. I can't believe I let myself gain so much weight, i used to be a dancer. Being in this body is hell. I miss flexibility, twirling, moving like an instrument to the rythym. I still dance but mostly alone and I realized how awkward I am in my own skin. Someone told me why am I telling my story, stop telling people I almost killed myself. Like Buzz off it's my story to tell and if you don't like it don't listen. It's amazing to watch people treat me like shit and then become offended when I distance myself from their bad vibes. This left and right sided war is some sorta bullshit that I can't even categorize but is so blatantly obvious that I feel like a fool for even touching the topic. Basically I'm unlearning all I had learned - the false histories, the dogmas and doctrines of belief systems built on lies and contradiction. It's amazing to see how tall the wall they built is. I'm so in love with someone who probably forgot I existed, but my heart has never recovered from it. And I believe in unconditional love and I know everything happens for a reason, still, it's incredible to see what real love is capable of doing to a person, or for one. Music is everything. I find peace in music, water, poetry & the stars. It's incredible to know how many people have made rumors against me, i've been called everything in th3 book by now from schizophrenic to batshit crazy to some sorta mental disorder that exists in .003% of the population. And I'm just amazed people buy into the lies and rumors at almost 30 years old, and then I know people double my age who are on the same bullshit and all I can think of Holy God Almighty, not to be disrespectful to YOU Lord but to think of an existence full of rumors and gossip after 55_60 years of life sounds like living hell. It amazes me people care that much what others are doing. It's sad. It's even sadder to know some miserable people try to bring down someone who tried killing herself. But I guess misery loves company. It's a mentality - divide and conquer agendas create it. I wanna do acid, i should meditate. I've had SO many intense dreams lately, dreams seem more r3al than life itself. I always try to find him but it's so hard to get to him it's like someone is always in the way and I wonder why it has to be this way. I'm so happy for my sister she's found the love of her life in h3r best fri3nd. I wish it was that easy and accepted for me, but it is this war. A war against true love or something, some war against me and I don't know why. All I know is I'm the last to know everything and all my family has lied to me and continues to. I never got an answer to how they knew I stabbed myself when my parents ran into a room I was quietly bleeding out in, peacefully, finally able to leave and everything was shifting and it was so beautiful. It felt like I was finally going home to somewhere I belonged. It's ironic because I have so many spirit guides and synchronicity but I'm a deeply neurotic and paranoid person because I am so accustomed to being lied to that I question myself constantly. Learning to be in my own company is interesting. I go back to my apartment and there's new food in the fridge, things are out in different places it's common now. They don't respect my privacy now as they never did but I can't even bring it up because all I get are lies and cover ups like always. So I let it go because what else can I do, i should have known it going into it. Nothing I have is really mine, just a reminder to feel owned by someone or something somewhere else in the world. My father farted when I tried to kill myself. After stabbing myself with an 8 inch knife and they all lie. I'm so used to it Its so sad, i was the last to know that the collective consciousness was a thing and to this day they don't admit it. My entire life is a sham, the only thing that truly belongs to me are my heart and my mind and there's no way I'm letting them take those two from me. No matter how many people are against me. All I gotta say is some people in my bloodline literally don't even treat me like a blood relativ3, it's sad and I feel bad for them that they march around being mad negative light drainers who are angry crabby and fucking rude. And those same fucking people will be r3ading everything I post like hey, get a fucking life of your own instead of talking about and putting down mine fuck3r. Go read something you enjoy. Ugh. Meditate. Count to 10. Inc3nse. Candles. Tarot. Energy readings. Mindfulness. The Power of presence. I know, i know, emotions are just visitors let them come observe them and watch them leave don't become identified with them. But some people be all up in my energy, thoughts, business, postings, and dreams like ?!?!?!?! If I'm such a schizophrenic batshit loser you must surely hav3 something better to do with your time and energy than be concerned with how I'm spending mine. Then it hits me that I attract the frequency I emit so I must vibratehigher. The high self and the low self.soul and ego. Wisdom versus carnal desire. This world is truly crazy but it's nice to know so many people are waking up. Crickets chirp an unrehearsed melody as I turn bath jets off, traffic whirs by in the background. Silence. Stillness. How many times I've found myself here. Despite distraction, or social media or trying to answer to a higher calling....of some sort. Why does that dog always bark. And WHY do I know so many fake people. But th3n I've met a lot of humbl3, kind, awakened individuals on this journey that I hardlyknew yet extended their kindness. I miss him so much. All of this was for him, i've never cared so much for someone. Duolingo or something, i go to bed everynight hoping to see him. Some say I'm delusional for beli3ving in us or holding on this long without physical logical concrete scientific evidence. And I've been skeptical, because could anyone really love me that deeply even at my darkest? I don't know but I have chosen to believe in this, and that it will all work out and that the best is yet to come and to have faith and trust the process and hold the vision and. Honestly I am so grateful because I had no idea how powerful love was. Or surrender. But here I am, in a bath typing out a bunch of thoughts as they splatter across my consciousness. And it's so much bigger than any one part, its like we're all fractals. And were all waves, seemingly separate but all part of something more. With so much depth And unexplored territory.....and it's so beautiful why would anyone wanna hide it or keep it secret? Because then people would be aware of their power. God I missed writing. So much has happened so much has changed. I'm so sick of them trying to quiet me or interrupt me or distract me and my thought or energy or dreams or what3ver. I mean everyone can hear my thoughts and no one talks about it yes hi train beeping in the distance, i love you! This esp thing is so obvious, my parents were so mad when I was friends with Angie and she was communicating with me through thought or esp  or heard my thoughts. They keep trying to keep it secret and it's a complete and total fail because I have a big mouth and my patience has reached it's bullshit tolerance so now im just gonna put it all out there. Which just prov3s that anyone whose trying to mask the truth with a lie shouldn't be trying to make my life seem like some big huge bullshit story of a farce when your life and reality can b3 ruined with something as simple as the honest to God truth. And the truth is we can all communicate through ESP and telepathy and the Collective consciousness exists and a bunch of peopl3 are ascending and evolving and feeling he frequencies and shifts on a planetary level, some sooner than others and I was the last one to know but now I know so don't be mad that I'm sharing the knowledge because to be honest I never really know what it going on in a collective state but I do know my own body and mind and the shifts and changes it has went through in the past few months and this is a real thing and no amount of tweets or toupees or annoyingly consistent drawer of red neckties or some random wall on an imaginary bord3r is going to distract the Collective awakened community from the reality that humanity as a whole is traveling towards a high3r evolutionary conscious state. And this divide and conquer agenda, organized social media & news, weather manipulation, water fluoridation, chem trail bullshit is going to hide th3 fact that you couldn't keep this lie a secret for ever and you're just mad the truth is seeping out and it's fine that it's being ridiculed right now with #woke bullshit but it is common knowledge that things are ridiculed, then acknowledged, then experienced, then witnessed as being self evident. So what's up from dat third eye. Lol I mean really. Synchronicity is off the charts right now man like kablam! And I'm expected to be serious as half of my mind doesn't even belong to m3 but is shared with a collective party? The one thing I know that my teacher taught me is consciousness can be controlled if you don't know who you are. Mind control is an actual thing. Energy vampires totally exist. All we have is energy, frequency and vibration. And that's all that we are. But knowing that information is powerful because then you start to emit your own frequency rather than picking up others. You start vibrating higher to detach from lower levels of self, ego self, and start vibrating with your higher self and higher purpose and therefore you are in a place, energy wise, where only that vibration can reach you at. And it's fucking magical!!!! I'm tired. I've been up since, well over 24 hours. Had 2 large pumpkin spice lattes, took 600 mg of seroquel and 2 attivan and didn't sleep. Smart choices. But I was like no hll no I'm not missing another beautiful day sleeping through it, and I organized so much stuff! And my mom and I made so much food for the week together it was pretty cute. Anyways idk. Now I'm thinking of him and I'll probably get all sappy and try to duolingo it to get some sort of......him. idk. To be honest, it's my total vulnerable topic. So I could easily shut off right now or switch topics but.....im feeling ballsy. Lol. Idk. I mean, could this all be real with him? Deep down I hope so that's all I could ever want or hope for. I mean, all this has happened and it is for a purpose. I just hope he is part of it, but it's so private but I've made it so public without really meaning to but I guess it is no secret and I guess everyone knows already so I guess I'll just surrender, i love him, and let it be what it is. Hmm that's different lol anyways I wonder what this week will be like. I wonder if I'll meet someone whose like heyyyyyy heard your thoughts through the Collective Conscious and dope thoughts man, dope thoughts. Like can't we just talk like that? Or is everyone too busy retweeting some sentence about some dumb society hierarchy bullshit that's meant to serve as a distraction from reality? Wake da fup.....but literallyit took me forevs to wake up. Acid helped. I wonder how DMT is like, anyone got the hookup? I could use a trip! Anyways it feels nice being myself again and talking like myself or typing I should say, even if no body reads this at least I was able to write about something real without someone trying to stop me from speaking truth. Anyways wherever you are, if you're reading this, i miss you and hope you are happy. That's all for now folks <3 namaste

[in-paradox-space]

today I haven’t done anything. I’ve been down, anxious and lazy.

I want to get high with friends and do sesh things.

I want to draw in my notebook which got lost along with my drawing pens

and some other stuff

I left my bag in a taxi

I left basically all my convenient shit in that bag, chargers, some meds, my ps4 controller, more usb wires, more usb shit but its all really niche convenient techy shit

it isnt that niche but for “””””techies””””” and travelers alike (me) its really convenient

usb type c and micro usb chargers, otg cables, plug heads, usb 3.0 card readers which btw i can plug into my otg cable transferring torrented shit from my phone to a usb wherever i am

a tiny amount of oxy and codeine, 2 weeks worth of medicine roughly, plus some 5htp vitamins

hella baggies just because

probably makes the prescription medicine in there look suspicious

my beanie

and a small sketchbook, pocket sized

I’ve had it since the start of 2017.

I’ve been developing my very own abstract drawing style in that book for over a year.

Nothing valuable was lost. Luckily my camera&lens worth around a grand wasn’t in there

but its just all my convenient stuff

and what sucks most is losing that sketchbook

and as ive been home alone today

ive wanted all the shit in that bag

i can get over the stuff in there

but I want my sketchbook back

it has my address in there, my name, probably some contact details

I really hope they send it there. Even if they keep the other shit.

I may have left the bag in a taxi though. Usually I’d walk to the taxi place, then walk back. It’s like 2.5 miles in total which is a good thing for me because I like the walk

gets me outside,etc

but uh im anxious

honestly most likely because I fapped

I fap like once every one or two weeks. Nofap is no lie. I feel like shit the next few days afterwards

and uhhh

my neighbour moved out, which leaves his girlfriend in the apartment next door... if shes even his gf anymore???? i have no idea but theyre both moving apparently

well yeah i spoke to her boyfriend a lot, got on with him

but i barely know her

and i have no key to the front door of my apartment building, long frustrating story lol

lost my keys

i keep going to the same key cutter because i have no cash and they do free fixes when their own keys fuck up

they made one key cut work, my apartments, but the one to the front door doesn’t work

i dont want to ask her to open the front door, i dont want to knock on her door, its just

the word here is awkward but everything is awkward thats not really a reason

im just irrationally anxious. I feel like she doesn’t like me. There’s many reasons for her not to but also reasons for her to.

Either way I don’t want to annoy her

and it would just be awkward if she heard me try to open the door, then its locked and she hears that from her apartment

then she hears me go back up the stairs and not knock on her door

then that leaves us both in an awkward place

do i knock on her door, knowing there’s a 50/50 chance she heard my attempt to leave my own apartment building

then do that shit

or do i go back into my flat, knowing she probably heard me avoid her

she can put two and two together

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

then she may even knock on herself

with her nice smile which is actually pretty welcoming tbh

well tomorrow

yeah tomorrow i think oh well ill find out

im getting more medicine which i ordered since i ran out and lost mine

one that im able to live without for a week no problem, havent had it for a few days

im supposed to get a blood test every month on this medicine but its been 3 months

lets hope im aight

and uhhh

i need some kick out of this slump

i just keep lazing around

like i have so much i can be doing

like studying, making things for my pages

just hella shit which isnt even that laborious

like i make memes

thats my main thing

i have hella pages

its fun to make them 

i draw too

thats also one of my main things on the down low

but i keep putting it off

i play rythym games

analyze music

can be boring sometime but im under no pressure to do that

i make videos with my friend

god yeah i should do that

like my studying isnt that hard

i dont have to clean toilets every day

man  i just

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i want to get high on oxy and codeine for 2 weeks

but theres just a few a lot of problems with that:

money for one

thats 2 weeks out of my life

withdrawal from friends, having to hide that im back on the horse

then choosing between lying and telling the truth every time afterwards about the 2 weeks

then it wouldnt be as simple as just stopping would it?

maybe it would, sometimes i do just stop like its nothing

and what do i gain

but you know what

oxy might give me that kick

i just dont know the prices on the deepweb or how to use the deepweb

plus i dont have the money

but yeah i guess i feel like being withdrawn for 2 weeks

wouldnt mind doing some light opiates and reading homestuck

plus drawing 

then maybe cramming physics and maths work into literally every hour for a few days

im apparently having some xanax sent over by a friend

im having my doubts about that. it still hasnt arrived and he has reasons to not send them but still make me pay

this is my tumblr and nobody is fucking reading so yeah

but still drugs are mentioned, this is public and liable

id mention him but im just gonna say its the serious boyfriend of someone who got close to me

it fucked with him when it happened. idk how he feels about it now but hes polite to me

it could just be a polite front though, idk how he really feels

i actually really fucking admire the dude

a lot 

everything ive learned about him, from him and our mutual person has just been fucking exceptional

and thats on my mind every time she advanced on me

every time i invited it

every time i chose not to say no

hes a really great dude like i just

he could have beat me up that one time but he understood

he understood pretty much all times i think

and he opened up to me 

whether he sees it that way or not, i see it that way

id love to be his friend. maybe i will be even though this shit is in the air

but i think he may just be being polite, he probably hates me

but yeah

i like the dude

i dont want to fuck around with something that matters so much to him

when i honestly dont want to bother with her

shes admirably smart, very much so, but just not really the kinda person i want to spend more than an evening with

and i only want to be around her when she isnt drunk and in a good mood

shes so volatile i cant be doing with that

but thats why i commend him even more

hes stayed with her through it all and hes such a great person, in my eyes, to be in her life

and if hes gonna try to get cash from me this way then that sucks

like id probably just pay him if he asked considering how much hes forked out 

but nah hes gotta deceive me

i dont even wanna get into benzos, as nice as it is a few hours in,

i just dont like this memory fog

i dont remember any of it 

and the withdrawal seems fucking SCARY

plus tolerance and the fun wearing off when u get hooked

why couldnt he just sell me oxy lol

............. i may ask him

if i was doing oxy id probably actually get the fuck up

do the shit i wanna do

but yeah fuck that

thats basicslly all im saying

im getting anxious, low and unmotivated again

id call it dysthymia