#(tho maybe that has something to do with how much worse google is becoming as a search engine)

[ace-trainer-risu]

oh here! i’ll come ask you for book recs lol. do you have any spooky and/or autumn-y book recs? or just your fave books :)

First of all, I'm sorry this took me SO long to answer. I want to say I've been busy but it's just been general [waves hand vaguely] life.

ANYWAY thank you for asking! I actually don't read scary stuff a lot b/c I'm a wimp, but I have a few spooky/autumnal books up my sleeves! Let's see what we've got!!

1) The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

Let me just start by saying that Sarah Waters is one of my absolute favorite authors ever! All her novels are suspenseful, twisty historical novels with great female and queer characters. Although, fair warning, actually The Little Stranger is like her one novel that isn't queer, but it is VERY good. If you read The Little Stranger and like it, please read Fingersmith and/or The Paying Guests.

The Little Stranger is set in the countryside of post-WWII England and follows a mild-mannered doctor as he becomes increasingly involved in the lives of the family living in the local, increasingly decrepit, possibly haunted mansion. Think Downton Abbey but creepy. Strange things keep happening inside the house, from dog bites to mysterious sounds to creepy black spots. Literally just typing that gave me goosebumps. It seems like someone may be out to get the family, but who...or what? Is it simply the ghosts of their own painful memories, or is something more? Sarah Waters is excellent at lush, intricate historical detail, and she leans into that here to create an atmosphere of slowly building dread and horror and mystery.

That being said, as a person who isn't normally a fan of horror, I don't think this book is too scary. It's more of an atmospheric, psychological horror than a jump-scare, bloody horror. It's not a book that will give you nightmares (probably), but you might lie awake thinking about it.

Also. Pro-tip. As a haunted(?) house story, the house is obviously fairly central to the story. Dear fellow Americans, keep in mind that the British refer to the floors of a building differently than us. For Americans, the ground-level floor is called the first floor, the floor above that the second floor, etc. For the British, the ground-level floor is the ground floor, and the floor above that is the first floor, etc. There's all sorts of creepy references to characters hearing noises above them on the first floor, but I was just like, Why are they always in the basement?

2) Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno Garcia

This and the above are two very different books, and yet they are both set in the mid-1900s and both are about weird, creepy, maybe-haunted houses. What can I say, I like gothic fiction.

After our heroine, Noemi, receives a bizarre, borderline incoherent letter from her beloved cousin, she sets out to visit her in the literally decaying mansion she resides in with her husband and his new family deep in the countryside of Mexico. All Noemi wants to do is persuade her cousin to come back home with her, but her cousin's new in-laws are very determined not to let that happen...or to let Noemi leave either. Secrets abound in the bizarre house and even creepier nearby cemetery, and soon Noemi finds that she too is suffering from bizarre dreams and visions...although, are they just dreams?

This book is so weird, but in such a good way? I read it for a book club and every week we had increasingly bizarre theories about what was going on, we were googling alchemy and fungi and St George, and some of our theories were even right. Although definitely not all. Another very twisty one that keeps you guessing.

In terms of scariness, interestingly I think there's more overtly creepy and horrifying moments in this novel than The Little Stranger, but I found TLS more overall scary? But that may be because I read it quickly, which I think is the ideal setting for suspenseful stuff, and I read Mexican Gothic over a longer amount of time since it was for a book club. This one does have some more typical horror elements to it, but I don't think it's more creepy than terrifying.

3) The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey

I listened to this one as an audiobook and the audiobook is excellent so would recommend that, but have no doubt it would also be great to physically read.

Oh my god this book...it's more thriller than horror, but I think it fits the brief. There were multiple moments listening to this book that I literally gasped or said "OH MY GOD!" out loud, and there are moments which are very creepy and horrifying. There's a particular scene in the backyard... Again, incredibly suspenseful and twisty. And the character development and character psychology is just! really really good! There's also really interesting and knotty feminist stuff which is a lot more complicated and nasty than some of the "girlboss" stuff which is popular right now.

Super minimal summary: All you really need to know is that it is a sci fi novel about a scientific researcher trying to pick up her life after her marriage has imploded, only for everything to go BATSHIT WRONG. Trust me, that's all you need to know, it's better to go into this not knowing what's going to happen or what to expect. I had no clue what this novel was about when I started it, and holy shit. Very good book, absolutely recommend this if you want some super suspenseful, creepy sci fi that will make you say "oh my GOD" repeatedly.

Okay, shifting gears a little now b/c autumn isn't just spooky, it's also cozy and restful and daydreamy!

4) The Thinking Woman's Guide to Real Magic by Emily Croy Barker

This isn't maybe a cozy book per se, but it's a great book to cuddle down with on a dreary day and lose yourself in. If you've ever asked yourself, "What would it be like if you crossed Pride and Prejudice with Howl's Moving Castle except the wizard was way worse but somehow still sexy" - then you should read this book! I actually came across this book b/c I was like, I wanna read a book that's a portal fantasy but for adults, and this book was like OH here's everything you wanted.

It's about a grad student, Nora, who has totally stalled out on her dissertation and is at a shitty wedding when she accidentally wanders through a portal into a beautiful, fantastical fairy world. At first, everything is amazing and literally perfect...but surprise surprise, not all as is it seems, and soon everything goes to, how should I put it, shit. Nora escapes, but rather than returning home, she finds herself trapped in a far more dreary realm. But not one without it's own charms and it's own magic, and Nora finds herself the student-slash-sorta-captive of the crochety, sexy, maybe-killed-his-wife magician Aruendiel* and she begins to learn magic herself.

Unlike the above books, this is not a fast-paced, twisty book, and I think if you go into this expecting high fantasy along the lines of Game of Thrones, you may be disappointed. It's not really a typical high-fantasy novel, it's more of a cross of an 18th/19th century realist novel, a fairy tale, and a fantasy novel. But if you want that, then it's REALLY good! I loved this book! And the magic in it is so cool, something about the way its described feels so visceral and real and like you could really do it if you just tried hard enough. There is a romance and it's totally, intentionally hashtag problematic, but it's very laid back, very slow burn, so I think even if you aren't a person who digs romance you can still enjoy this. If you're looking for a feminist-leaning fantasy novel that you can just sink into and lose yourself in, this is the perfect book. You will long to magically fix broken plates.

5) The Ruthless Lady's Guide to Wizardry by C.M. Waggoner

Honestly I can't even justify why I think this one is an autumn book. It simply is. It's autumn colored in my head. It is the coziest book I have ever read about necromancy and crime. Also I just want to recommend it. This is another one that I listened to as an audiobook and it's also a good audiobook, for those who are interested. But it also means I will not be able to spell absolutely any of the character's names.

This novel follows Delly, an enterprising young scoundrel of a fire witch with a teeny tiny gin habit as she attempts to support herself and her hot-mess of a mom in the roughest neighborhoods of Fantasy-City-That-I-Can't-Remember-The-Name-Of. Lice...gate? When Delly comes across an advertisement for a bodyguarding job for young women for a hefty fee, it seems like the answer to definitely not all but at least some of her problems. She accepts, along with an interesting assortment of other sorcerous young ladies, including a wonderfully bitchy Absentia (my love), a young woman who can turn into a boar, boar girl's necromancer mother, and the very sexy part-troll Winn, who in my imagination looks like Gwendoline Christie and talks like Miranda Hart. Which. Perfect woman. Winn being a fine, wealthy young lady, Delly can't help but think to herself that it wouldn't be such a bad thing if Winn happened to fall in love with her and carried her off to be rich and spoiled the rest of her life.

Of course, things quickly don't go to plan, and soon Delly and her companions find herself caught up in wicked schemes of murder, drugs, and an undead mouse named Buttons who says BONG. I love Buttons SO MUCH.

This book is just a silly romp of a novel which worms into your heart and your brain. It's fun and cute and gay, and also it made me cry. I haven't stopped thinking, "Not quite regulation hammerball" since I listened to it like half a year ago.

Also, while I'm here, this novel is set in the same world as and features a few of the same characters as Unnatural Magic. Which is also a hell of a book. Literally the best bisexual relationship I have ever fuckin read. It's a winter book tho, so I simply can't go into it here.

Aaaaand...that it's! Happy autumnal reading :)

[selfcareparker]

yesss the letter format 💝💓💘💖💞💕💖💞💓 (lovely anon)

my dearest aria (a hamilton reference lmao),

i’m home alone (bc i wanted the house alone to get my head together after my brothers were mean to me 🙃) and i’m so hype LMAO but i’m watching chloe x halle’s tiny desk concert and honestly just vibing. (this is so random) besides zendaya like they are my badass black women role models. my one accomplishment would be to learn to body roll like them LMAO

oh nevermind i can’t have anything nice, my dad just came home 🙃 WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THIS ASK WTFFF

i’m liking tfatws, the second episode was veryyy intense imo but WANDAVISION IS SO GOOD😭 i knew it was going to be my favorite from the really old trailer but it’s really good and i promise it’s not just sitcoms, girl especially cuz you’ll have all the episodes already out- we were having to wait every week😭 BUT ITS SO GOOD I PROMISE HDJSHDJSH lmao reading this i was like “i- the episodes aren’t an hour long” but i feel that, it’s hard for me to watch tfatws bc they are an hour long and i’m like 😐 but wandavision episodes are less than 30mins bc I KID YOU NOT they have the damn 10 MINUTE CREDITS DHDJSJ no i don’t think we’ve talked about this b4 lol but it all depends on the series for me. i binged love island uk in less than a week bc i was so invested and LITERALLY LOVE IT but uh those episodes are like an hour and a half, but say i was binging tfatws (it’s so hard to type that ohmigosh) i honestly would not be able to do it bc of the intensity (you may be like what intensity but if you’ve seen episode 2 by the time you’re reading this.......... isaiah and the scene afterwards is all i have to say, esp me being black it was so tough :/)

girl you’re fine, as long as you’ve experienced it once hahaha i think the reason why it’s so important to my family (this letter feels so personal and extreme HSJSJA IM SORRY) is bc my grandmother loved it and in my family i guess it’s just important to us lol like my mom and dad love it too and we have the literal VHS tapes LMAO, but it only came up recently cuz my youngest brother was watching lion guard HAHA and he wanted to see the originals :) and fun fact (unless you already know) but there’s a lion king part 2 and 1 1/2 and i have all three ON VHS HAHAHA but i love lion king 1 duh (the og) but part two’s music and love story..... is so good. anyway. 🦁

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE THEATER ENCOUNTER THING HAHAHA AND WHEN SHE WAS SAYING AWKWARD I WAS LIKE WTF THE NOISE LMAOOOO i don’t think there’s a better way to describe that whole situation than ZKDHDJSHAJAJSHDJSNAHA. yeah. yeaaaa at the cinemas (i like the word cinema more than movies 🥰) here they have chips (fries), some have ice cream, nachos, drinks, hot dogs, the cinema we were at had pretzels and like BURGERS I WAS LIKE HUH OKAY and ya know obviously popcorn but i don’t know why the theaters (or cinemas) here do that, it started a long time ago though like yearsssss

PLEASE i have the longest movie watchlist and uhh haven’t seen any of them JDJSKA (istg i use HSJSSKSH as a period - like . ) i’m still hype for cherry but very hesitant (idk if i can handle it) but i’m thinking about watching it in the next couple of weeks? i know it’ll take me forever bc i’m gonna have to keep pausing and shit but idk. i’ve asked around for very specific trigger warnings and time stamps so i REALLY know what’s coming (even if it spoiled the film a bit for me) but i do really wanna see it (i think? writing this now i’m not so sure lol) so whooooooo really knows lol, but chaos walking YES i was really excited about it :))) and about my friend uhh dude you don’t sound mean at all i was literally thinking the same thing but worse HAAKL idk what she was there for???? she bought my ticket tho so 💁🏾‍♀️ whatever

“SIMS ahh, BUNK BEDS ahh” had me cracking up lmao and you know my sims status JAJAHHAJ but i’m gonna become like you, saving every 5 minutes 😭 but that’s exactly what happened to me, i really didn’t know whether to shut it off or not but after 2 hours i was heartbroken lol i’m literally making a list of things i need to redo that wasn’t saved lmao

CAN I JUST SAY UR A MASTERMIND THOUGH??? UR SIMS GAME SOUNDS SO *chefs kiss* IM CRINE university is PAINFULLY long and LITERALLY I FEEEL THAT like you can’t do anything else without failing, i had my sim go to a party once for like a few hours and i felt so dumb afterwards like urgh he should’ve been studying LMAOO just cracking down on work honestly. UR NEIGHBOR!AU IN THE SIMS PLEASEEE i am very much in love with it, yes. (pouring rain has just suddenly begun where i am rn wow ok) i love that you put them on the same lot, that was really really smart and i love that ur living out your sexuality in the sims😭 i was abt to say “now you can say you’ve got experience bc of the sims” but ANYWAY IGNORE ME fhdhs THE ALIEN BABY DHSJSK i hope it’s not a dealbreaker for enisa. that’d be tragic. IM BACK IN UPPERCASE THO BC YES MAKING OUT IN THE SIMS IS SO HOT TO ME??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE STFU OH MY GOSH- all the stuff, whispering sweet nothings, and the making out, and JUST ALL OF IT!!! AM I TOUCH STARVED????? there was this time i made my sim just continue to woohoo bc it was turning me on big time. ANYWAY

half way through that i had to go to my grandmothers house (not the one that likes lion king, but uh hmm idk if you remember but i was talking abt my shit family so yeah that grandmother lol) so now i’m finishing this 🥴 and instead of chloe x halle i’m watching a tom interview lmao & if this takes me longer than 30 minutes.... imma cry

I REALLY WANNA ASK- IS IT BC UR GERMAN LIKE YOU CAN JUST WRITE OUT THAT LONG ASS WORD???? i mean i can’t write out supercalafrag- anyway, but that word is a bit nonsense, UR WORD IS A REAL WORD DUDE HDJSHS i love how ur like “maybe i mixed up these words” YEA OK.

lol i had to google what are waveformers lol (lol makes a comeback) and they look like curlers that you would sleep in (here we would call them curlers or uhm i forgot uhhhhhhh rollers i think) but ur fine when am i ever making sense?? i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌

H20 H20 H20 OH MY GOODNESS SHE BROUGHT UP H20 OK MY LIFE WAS H20🥲 I HAVE THEIR LOCKET NECKLACE AND (short storytime) when i was younger i thought they were american despite their accents (idk i was dumb) but then i figured they weren’t when lewis went to go study in america HAHAH ALSO FAVORITE COUPLE CLEO AND LEWIS UGH WATCH ME REWATCH THE SHOW NOW THANKS (also i hated elizabeth so much) but anyway back on topic, when lewis went to go study in the US i looked up where the show took place and all that good stuff and i found out they were australian HAHAH and that started my obsession with accents LMAO the uk :’)) (i’m proofreading AND AUSTRALIA IS NOT A PART OF THE UK LMAOO IM SOO DHSJSSHS) also it is now one of my many goals (besides the body roll HAHAH) to go to mako island (that’s what it’s called right??)

about music, i googled stormzy and i might listen to a song of his.. LOL I WANNA GIVE IT A TRY IMMA DO IT FOR YOU NFDVSFSG lmaoo the german rapper had me cackling (autocorrect once again being helpful and said raper and i’m like nOO) i mean we all have that one person. can’t lie, won’t lie. my one (IM SORRY BUT AUTOCORRECT HAD “MY ONE TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT” SITTING AND READY HDJSJA I DONT EVEN TYPE THAT wHAT) person out of my white soft boy with brown hair and brown eyes type would beeeee pete davidson. love me some petey. i was gonna say rex orange county as well lmao but i don’t really loveeee him i’m just in love with his music... and wanna be friends with him..... so 👉🏾👈🏾 (i never do that fdshsh)

oh my goodness, i love tattoos too- GASP what are you thinking of getting 🥺 i want tattoos too but i’m too indecisive to figure out what to have & where. especially in my family... idk they aren’t frowned upon but my mom’s not applauding the thought lol, if i got one it would have to be meaningful but i am absolutely in love with (for example) ariana grande’s finger tattoos !! they’re so cute and simple :’) i don’t even know if i can get tattoos? my skin is... interesting. not in a bad way!! just like.... idk how to explain it??? keyloids run in the family & i got a piercing once and it got infected soo :/ the doctor also confirmed that if i wanted tattoos they couldn’t be in color so LMAO

ONCE AGAIN THIS WHOLE THING FEELS SO TMI DHSHSSJ IM LIKE OHMIGOSH SHUT UP SHE DOESNT CARE JESJSKS

in regards to you not sleeping, i wanted to mention that dumb bird, what was the reason it was up so early aT 4AM???? SIR WHO YOU CALLING TO??? also it’s 11:30pm and idk why i’m tired???

yeah i was never SUPER into justin so i don’t know exactly what albums you’re talking about lol, i do know yummy though.. but everyone did hahaha also i listen to so much pop 🙈 i mean maybe... idk what would count as pop and what wouldn’t. that new person feeling though.. i get that. it’s like who is this new person..? i kinda feel like that with taylor swift (i was never THAT into her either though so it’s like oh wait i didn’t know you from the beginning instead of hello old friend but you’re different lol)

about the concerts, thanks 🥰🥰 that’s so sweet what you did for your mom too, it’s nice seeing them so happy like 🥲 awh AND GLEE IS AND WAS MY LIFE FOR A V V LONG TIME, i’ve been meaning to rewatch it for the longest time lmaooo but i’m just so lazy and it’s such a commitment... i’ll have to get emotionally involved again and idk if i want that rn. but i have a friend on instagram and she runs a glee fan account and it’s such a big part of her life i really don’t think i could ever be THAT obsessed with something. like another one of my friends loves tom holland so much that she changed her mom’s name in her phone to what tom’s mom’s name is in his phone (that was confusing lol) and obviously i’m not judging them AT ALL, it just couldn’t be me lol

CONCERTS LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN 😩😩 LIKE THE EXPERIENCE AND THE FEELINGGG URGHSJS i wanna see a few people live like ari and chloe x halle and- hmm.... idk who else FJDSJ rex orange county i guess huh anyway, the experience just sounds so amazing and the atmosphere is just ✨✨✨ yeah

aria do it do it do it do it do it- watch hamilton!! but with subtitles bc you won’t catch half of the things they’re saying without them LMAO (me and my family watched it and they all didn’t like it bc they didn’t know what was happening lol) BUT DONT WATCH IT AT 4AM LMAO ITS LITERALLY 3 HOURS LONG

yes!! superior peter fics 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and it just shows how much of an incredible writer AND PERSON you are through your fics that you can turn a blurb into 2k....... like what.

LMAO the annoying thing, sometimes i feel like i’m bothering people (like right now HAHAH) but i think it’s my antisocial side being like yeaa no one wants to talk to you like you wanna talk to them :’) idk it’s strange!! sometimes i get really ✨insecure✨ and overthink everything LOL like is this too long, im talking too much, i’m swearing too much, oh lord i’m a pain, all that good shit lmao so that’s fun:))

ALSO YOUR BLOG IS SO FUN TO ME HAHAK LIKE ITS JUST YOUR OWN AND I LOVE THAT!!! like you talk about everything and anything on here lol,, and i say that bc what you said lmao how if i was someone else i would want to fuck me so bad😭 i honestly don’t understand how i don’t have people lining up though..... but if no one’s gonna tell you... then you tell yourself, period (and sometimes telling yourself is fucking yourself HSHAJKS OK NEXT)

ohmigosh the realization you had that you graduated last year and are going to uni this year🤧 but the fact that you had a teacher who LEFT THE GROUP CHAT bc she was mad at y’all i- 😭 but yeah about your maths (i always wondered why you guys call it maths and the US calls it math. like i know so many people out of the states, not just in the uk that say maths) teacher- i saw this post that said online school is looking a lot like dora the explorer😭😭 “you have any questions?” 🦗 “okay bye then” lmao and please i love when tests have nothing to do with what you studied like ??? thanks? sometimes i get scared that my teacher will somehow find out that i googled everything? or like my answer is too close to the answer sheet or something. i get sooo nervous lol but i’m already past that point of not being able to do anything myself DHJS i mean i’m still learning like i said!! read the question, read the answer. boom. now i know the answer to the question and i learned!

THANKS 🙈🥰🤧 idk how else to explain my feelings LMAO i feel it’s cool that you find my dance lessons and voice lessons cool so thanks :’)

oh god not headache season 😭😭 allergies are the worst like it’s not even funny. is headache season just when the seasons are changing or is it like... all throughout the summer? cuz i love the summer lmaoo i love the winter too but i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO

GIRL IF THAT BIRD DONT STOP CHIRPING- i am 100% convinced that it is the same bird trying to give you headaches and no sleep and it needs to stfu 😤 and pLEASE ur theme is adorable and pretty and cute but also it just feels like you? idk if i’m explaining this right or if it’s bc i’ve been talking to you for a bit but it’s cute but not innocent in a way that i’m surprised that you write smut and- yeah, that didn’t make sense!! but ur new theme is gonna look pretty too and as long as you like it, it’ll be amazing🥰

yessssss the fact that megan is gonna be ur pfp YES JUST YES

edit: ok i just need to 🥺😭 sometimes u make me wanna cry cuz i feel like you’re just a kind person. i truly mean this, the fact that you celebrate yours & others stretch marks makes me so 🥺🥺🥺 i honestly don’t know anyone who has said they want need more stretch marks and it’s just all very lovely to me :’)) OKAY IMMA STOP BEING SAPPY

#yes my fake tags are back #by popular demand #aka me #and look i have actual tags this time! #i’m seriously craving water ice rn....... huh #but it’s past midnight and i fr fr want a snack #aw man #i wrote that last paragraph while doing my tags yes #and i hope you become responsible for that anon’s orgasm #assuming they had one #and i saw your response to the tom thing and yeaa when they only look like that for something and it’s like aw bae be yourself #i’m gonna shut up now and find a snack but goodnight!! morning?? IDK #IF THESE TAGS END UP AS ACTUAL TAGS I AM SO SORRY HAHAHA #alright proofreading done and i’m gonna go eat cereal

okay i‘m on my way to a driving lesson rn and afterwards i have a zoom uni thing, and then another uni thing lmao. but hopefully i can reply to this in between because i‘ve been dying to talk to you since i got this ask dldjds💘💘💘 (i really like this heart. i had a 💖 phase for a while and now it‘s 💘 (seems like a very romantic heart but.... it is what it is idk dkddj)

^okay that was literally all i wrote before my lesson lmfao. just had the worst driving lesson ever dbdvsnylkxsksj i think i‘ve gotten too used to being good at driving and now i‘ve gotten too cocky with it 🥴 anyway i‘ve had such a stressful day and overall week but tbh i‘m already feeling better bc i can (indirectly) talk to you <333

omg i went to chloe or halle (i don‘t remember who out of the two)‘s instagram the other day and found out that they are not twins alejeleksjsksj but yes oh my god their voices are literally angelic and i can‘t wait to see Halle as Ariel (Arielle??)🥰 and omg it‘s literally 2021 and we‘ve only had......... one(?) black Disney Princess like it‘s about fucking time (I might be forgetting someone, I‘m not too familiar with the new Disney films, but as far as I remember there‘s only Tiana right? (who is literally a frog for 3/4 of the film 😭😭) so yes i‘m here for it too😌😌😌 (obviously she‘s not a cartoon like tiana ekdlek but she‘s a disney princess you know what i mean ddkjdh)

pfkejdj i‘m already overwhelmed with my parents i can‘t imagine having siblings too 😭😭 (sometimes i wish i had siblings but then other times (like after reading what you wrote dksjj) i‘m glad that i‘m an only child lmao like your brothers being mean to you and i remember when you cried and he was just like 👁👄👁 ok. like i’m totally okay being an only child sksjsj———and he doesn‘t listen to music 🤧🤧🤧 (although i guess that‘s good for you because at least he can‘t annoy you by listening to loud music that you hate dmdn)

okay okay i might watch wandavision then??? I‘ll definitely let you know!!! and yes omg i‘m loving tfatws (that really is so fucking hard to type omg) but same i totally get what you mean, i‘m not used to watching action series at all and every episode so far has been like a little movie so i‘m glad that i didn‘t wait until it was all out cause there’s no way i could binge watch that lol) and yes last episode was really intense. i‘m glad that marvel are talking about racism because (from what i‘ve seen) they haven‘t been the best in that department, and i‘m really curious to see what they‘ll do in the next episodes (curious isn‘t the right word but excited isn‘t the right wort either, like i‘m excited but in a neutral way ? i‘ll shut up dslsksj i hate that german has so many words that you cant translate because theres a really good german word that describes how i’m feeling but i cant think of a good translation ugh)

okay i absolutely need to watch lion king (and part 2 and 1/ 1/2 dksksj) AND hamilton, i might even do it soon 👀

BURGERS AT THE CINEMA? EBEEISNDBEKSK i‘ll come to the US just to go and watch a movie lmaooo, i think all the popcorn sizes and drinks are bigger as well, i‘ll come and watch chaos walking with you 😌😌 does next week work?

and yeah i‘ve seen posts with specific time stamps and trigger warning for cherry too so if you haven’t looked on tumblr yet i’ve def seen some! (but ive also seen some on twitter and yeah- i mean idk youve probably looked on tumblr but yeah- then there’s also imdb which doesn’t have time stamps i believe but quite specific warnings, mostly without spoilers!)

Tbh i don‘t think i would have even considered watching cherry if tom wasn‘t in it... (i’m personally fine with most of the triggering topics/things like for some reason i’m just stoic when i’m watching the most tragic films ever dldldldlbut the plot just... idk if it‘s for me you know? just entertainment wise?).... and even with tom in it i‘m unsure skeldls, i‘d totally get if you decide not to watch it but let me know if you do i‘d want to hear your thoughts! <3

SKSLSJJ my sims both finally graduated!! i think i played sometime last week, and i literally got the achievement/notification that i‘d been playing with this household for 24hours.... and that was BEFORE they graduated dldjdldkdksjjs

oh no my tumblr broke and three paragraphs of me talking about sims were deleted 😭😭😭

WAIT NO I TOOK SCREENSHOTSSKSK because i couldn’t press save so i knew they might be gone okay okay okay i‘m a genius

*move out

oh no idk if the quality is too bad to read... idk how good your eyes are dkdkdjjd (also sometimes it will be really bad quality for some but not for others so i hope that the you can see the pics in a normal/good quality)

Okay let me continue

OMG THE ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL STUFF IS THE BEST PART ABOUT THE SIMS DIDLDKJIkdkj i kind of miss how in the sims 3 they would be making out basically lying on top of each other if they were on a bed— but in sims 4 when they‘re sitting next to each other and everything that‘s definitely hot too 😌😭 or with hot tubs dkdkdk how one sim climbs on the other sim‘s lap before they woohoo (i used to make them skinny dip in the hot tub and then make out and woohoo so they’re like naked on top of each other even if you can‘t see anything- en e waysss)

Dkdkdkdj so @ Rindfleischet.. blah bla. so it‘s basically just loads of individual words put together/connected and that‘s a really big part of german. so yesterday i had an online Einführungsveranstaltung for uni (like it was a zoom meeting where they just talked about general stuff about the uni and i was really anxious before, idk why, but it turned out absolutely fine so) and that words consists of the two words Einführung (introduction) and Veranstaltung (event) which are also two individual words but you can make a new word (Einführungsveranstaltung, so in english that‘s basically “introduction event“ lmao) by combining those two words. there are obviously some rules like you can‘t just combine random words in a random order but you can basically make infinite words (technically). for example (i feel like i‘m teaching a class just skip this if you don’t care 🙃🙃🙃djdjdkdlns)

for example i could say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer (which is not underlined with red by tumblr because it is a grammatically correct compound word (i think that‘s what they‘re called?)) which is the words introduction + event + participant, so that word just means “participant of an introductory event“ but instead it‘s one word? i hope that makes sense? dkdkkdksks i mean it makes sense in german but idk if it makes sense to you cause idk if i‘m explaining it very well lmao,

(I just deleted a really really long paragraph that i wrote about gender in the german language and grammar, you‘re welcome slsksksj)

my capacity to think has now been used up for the week 🥴🥴🥴 i absolutely do not blame you if you just skipped over that part or can‘t be bothered to (re)read my awful explanation edkflsksjdjdj (again, i had double the amount of words but i just deleted it dkdkdlslsl but what‘s left lf my german lesson is probably confusing enough already😭i‘m sorry🥴)

so to answer your question LEJDKSKJ: it‘s really common to have long words in german, words that are just word+ word+ word + word made into one long word. obv rindfleischetikettierung..... is a very extreme example and it‘s normally just 2-4 words made into one! So yup i think that comes mostly from german and talking german and growing up here and going to school here and everything dmdfnsksx

i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌— YES. YES. Yes. I love that about us 😌😌🥰🥰/ I love us. Yes.

okay but your friend changing her mom‘s name into tom‘s mum‘s name (was that right? Dkdkdjh)—— so Justin Bieber once posted something where you could see that his Dad‘s number was saved as „Daddy Cakes“ (which, thinking back, sounds very weird ekejjej) and till this day I have my Dad’s contact name as Tata (which is serbian for Dad lmao), “Tata🍰“ in my phone because of it 😭😭😭😭🙃🙃🙃 it‘s not because of justin anymore like i‘ve just gotten used to it by now but at first i did it because of justin lol........ but nowadays i don‘t think i‘m THAT type of fan of anyone- like you know how people have fandom names (Justin‘s fans are the Beliebers, One Direction fans are Directioners (writing that hurt my soul💔💔💔)) and I wouldn‘t consider myself a fan of anyone like that. like even with tom i wouldn‘t call myself........ does tom even have a name for his fans??? Well if he does, I wouldn‘t call myself that. Like i used to be such a hardcore stan for any celebrity that i liked and now it‘s just... okay, i like em. (She says on her blog where she writes fan fiction about Tom Holland — WJDJEJDKELSKSKKSNSNDXB🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃)

Omg rex orange county!!!!!! I don‘t know that many songs like I‘ve only listened to the album pony, but i love it 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

thanks again for what you said about my fics/writing I‘m🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Pete Davidson Pete Davidson Pete Davidson I‘m-🥰🥰🥰🥰 and I can‘t explain why. But as blissfulparker said the other day (i don‘t want to tag her and make her read through all of this lolll) “I like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death 😍“ (or something along the lines of that) eskkejs okay pete isn‘t that bad, he looks quite good on some days but other days you‘re like... is this man alive? Like i don‘t want to be mean I love Pete so much The King of Staten Island is literally my favourite film ever (although it‘s not my #1 because of how he looks, but i mean he does look good) VUT ALSO

(Okay i was gonna look for a terrible picture of him but he really doesn‘t look as bad as people say??? like. i think he‘s hot. can‘t necessarily explain why. so that‘s that on that.)

i‘m not going chronologically right now (i just keep scrolling up to your ask and replying to whatever i see first sksksksh) so i might miss a thing or two that you said

Okay Stormzy, you really really don‘t have to dkdkdjd like i think you said you don‘t really listen to rap, and uk rap is a whole nother thing from us rap because of the accent i feel like??? (That sentence did not make sense) BUT if you‘re looking for a few songs that aren‘t like RAP rap, then I‘d recommend One Second (feat HER), Superheroes, Own it (which you might know?), ummm maybe the song Lessons?, he has a ton of Lion King references by the way dkdjdj for example in Rachael‘s Little Brother but that‘s like more RAP again if you know what I mean?😭 and it‘s also like 5 Minutes long and tbh i only started liking that song a year after that album came out lmao but Rachael‘s Little Brother is possibly my fav Stormzy song, then there is Shut Up which you absolutely need to listen to just for fun dldjdjd like it‘s just pure fun and also a little funny lmao, especially if you‘re not British (i imagine so at least) cause he‘s like shuTTTT up idk dldkdjdldkjdhdhfjfbfldlsksksks

Vossi Bop is one of his classics, and then maybeee - ok so there‘s Blinded By Your Grace Pt. 2 lmaoobdjsj it‘s very (Christian/) religious but i like it a lot even though i‘m not really Christian (at least not practicing or anything) so idk about your views on religion but i do like the song a lot just by like the sound lmao

Okay so again you absolutely DO NOT have to listen to any, especially not for me dlskdj but I really do recommend the songs Superheroes, One Second and Rachael‘s Little Brother (and all the other ones i mentioned but if you don‘t listen to a lot of his songs you should at least give these three a try <3333) also let me know some of your songs? 🥺 like i dont care who they‘re by but i‘d love to listen to some that you like and Recommend 🥰🥰🥰

Okay so skdjdjdjddhhddhdhjsk... I used to watch all of my series in German (like H2O) bc obviously they were on german tv so they were german- and i knew that most of these actors i saw on tv were american and i was always SO fascinated that they all learned german for this show??? Like I actually thought they were the people‘s real voices and that these English and American actors were learning german so they could re-record the whole ass show and do everything in german dkdkdldjdjjd... i swear I thought that until I was like 14 omg. And then the first time that I watched H2O in the original version i was sooo confused about their accents because to me all actors who spoke english were American?? I mean MOST of those shows are American so I wasn‘t completely off but yeah i was definitely caught off guard when I heard all of their Australian accents for the first time 💀💀😭😭😭

@ math vs maths, math actually makes more sense in my opinion. like you have the word mathematics, then the abbreviation would obviously be math... why would English people randomly add the s from the end??? Or maybe it makes more sense after all because it‘s like plural??? Now I‘m unsure dkdkdkdj but i do say maths because that‘s how i was taught to say it and i hear the word maths more than math but yeah dldkdjs i think math might even make more sense (okay i just tried saying math and maths is easier to pronounce but again tjat might just be me, oh god i‘ll stop talking about that disgusting thing (mathematics).)

not the crickets and dora LMAOOOSNSNSMDNBS yeah that teacher was... a lot. a lot a lot a lot didjjd but she kinda liked me so she always gave me good grades/marks but the people she didn‘t like..... ooft. OOF.

Fksksjsj idek about headache season like i just know that i get headaches from the sun and i‘m allergic to only one.. type of...pollen??? (I don’t understand the science of that whole pollen thing and idek if it’s called pollen in english i just know sex pollen from fan fics😔)and yeah we have this weird wind that makes a lot of people get headaches yeahd dkdkdj. i loved the i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO lllioool i love that i really do. i always struggle so much in the summer cause i never have anything to wear. i feel like i buy so many new summer clothes every year but when i end up looking for an outfit i don‘t ever find anything 😭 (so i just go naked— lmao jk jk) but i‘m generally not the biggest fan of summer so-

OMG THIS FUCKING BIRD ISTG, okay the first time i heard it i went to sleep at like 5 am, so the next day i was like let me go to bed earlier so the bird doesn‘t keep me up, so i went to bed at 4 am (🥲) and THE BIRD JUST STARTED FUCKING CHIRPING SO LOUDLY, so the next day i went to bed at 3 am AND IT FUCKING STARTED AT 3 AM and it‘s still there 😁 every. night.

and since you said you‘ve gotten used to my theme and everything (idk where this transition came from😭) so tomorrow (2nd april) we have our... wait what‘s an anniversary but for a month.? I think month is like mensus in latin OK NO THATS DEF WRONG DKDKDJ wait

So Tomorrow is our... mensiversary💘💘💘💘💘💘 or at least from the first time you sent an ask. i couldn‘t find it on my tumblr anymore because tumblr is a bit of a bitch but i remember the first thing you ever sent (in an ask) was something lovely about my writing and i always take screenshots of stuff like that, and i found it in my gallery. and i took that screenshot of your ask on the 2nd of march so i‘m assuming that‘s when you sent it 🥰🥰 i feel like i‘ve known you for a week not a month like how is it a month already????? (i mean this in a good way lmao but i really can’t believe that its been a month wtf)

omg no you make me want to cry because i just love you so much 😭😭🥺 but about the stretch mark thing it‘s just.. it‘s not even me trying to empower other women (or anyone else who has stretch marks) to shake off these dumb insecurities that the patriarchy and capitalism have instilled in us— ok no it‘s definitely that too lmao. But i mean I‘ve always loved stretch marks, i‘ve just always loved loved loved them so much so it makes me genuinely sad that people don‘t like them. so yeah. i dont really know how to explain it lol, like i‘m not (only) hoping that people realise that hating your stretch marks is giving the men and the patriarchy what they want per se- (that made no sense) it‘s just because i love stretch marks and think they‘re beautiful and also sexy. idk dldkdjls and omg the fact that you called me kind 🥺🥺🥺 like i don‘t really have a goal in life or anything, but if i had to choose a ‘goal‘ in life it would just be to be kind. (i‘ll end this here otherwise i‘m gonna talk about being kind for 30 more lines—)

And please. Do not ever feel like you‘re annoying me or sending too much. never ever ever. I get so happy when i see that you‘ve sent me an ask. No matter if it‘s a long one like this or just a short one where you‘re saying something about a post that i reblogged or something. I love hearing from/about you and talking to you 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

P.S: i‘m so sorry for the tags you‘re about to read they make even less sense than this post, also i reached the tag limit dkdkdj but i said some butterfly tattoos look tacky... and the next thing i said was since we‘re already speaking about Ariana- I DID NOT MEAN THAT SHE WAS TACKY dldkdjsj, i meant since you already mentioned some of her tattoos lmao

[naruthings]

THE NEJITEN FANFICTION RECOMMENDATION MASTERLIST

oh, anon, the lack of nejiten fics thrive in the hearts of many… i may have similar experiences myself……………

but fear not, i have searched far and wide and i have returned and came back stronger than ever before!!! after re-reading every single nejiten fic i have on my favorites… handpicked the best ones and returned with even more fic recs!!! so ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, only THE BEST NEJITEN FICS YOU WILL READ ON FANFICTION DOT NET. HERE WE GO!!!

HALL OF FAME: ONE-SHOTS

THE BEST one-shots you will find on the site. Some are fluffy, some are sad, some will make you want to rip your heart out. But rest assured that without a doubt these fics are the absolute frivvy. These will not disappoint!

Tier 1: Spring — Here we appreciate the beauty of simplicity. Fics full of fluff and spunk that end in one and will make you end up feeling peppy and happy afterwards. A refreshing break from the complexities of life, short and sweet but nicely written, representing everything bright and new and blossoming, but most importantly, pure. So, friends, get your toothbrushes ready, because you are in for a sweet ride!

Tags: fluff, romance, humor, family, friendship

1. The Kissing Booth by BrownEyedHoneyBadger

— “ Lee was already reaching for a dollar inside his pocket. Mentally, Tenten began to scream. No. No. NO. This could not be happening. She should get up and run. Screw charity work. She was not kissing the guy whose eyebrows were furrier than the school mascot.”

Comments: A great start into the journey. NEJI IS SO GODDAMN SMOOTH. basically this fic is incredibly witty and genius. ugh!!

2. Psst! by Arkana

— “Lee finds out about Neji and Tenten’s relationship the hard way. The VERY hard way. “

Comments: I BUST MY ASS LAUGHING AT THIS ONE. I SWEAR THIS IS THE BEST, SWEETEST MOST IDIOTIC SHIT I HAVE EVER READ. PLS GIVE IT A GOOO

3. Conversations: Somniloquy by Mendori-chan

— “Neji. Your spit is warm.“

Comments: A storytelling all in dialogue. The perfect reenactment of something supposed to be short and sweet. I loved the dialogue and continue to love it!!

4. Godiva by Toboe Lonewolf

— “Neji had broken one of the most hallowed rules known to woman. ‘Thou shalt not steal her chocolate.’ Tenten’s going to make sure he never does it again. At least, not without her permission.”

Comments: just the fluffiest fluff out there!!

5. Screw Chivalry by Hearts and Stuff

—  “Tenten didn’t want to do it. Really. But Neji shouldn’t have been such a butt.”  

Comments: FUNNY AND HUMOROUS. I loved this so much! Has one of my favorite dialogue in any fic, really. PROBABLY REREAD THIS LIKE 100 TIMES IN 7TH GRADE

6. Hindsight by YamiPaladinofChaos

— “Sasuke and Tenten, on a date? Neji is not happy, not in the least. And of course, it’s all Naruto’s fault. No, really. It is.”

Comments: Okay, THIS SHIT WAS HILARIOUS. OH MY GOD. THANK U FOR THIS WONDERFUL AND FUNNY ASS FIC. kinda gets weird tho but i guess it’s part of the appeal.

7. I’m a Kunoichi, But by notesonlife

— “Tenten and Neji read a feminist book. And of course, trouble ensues, as Neji becomes increasingly aware that Tenten is currently, and may have always been, a girl.”

Comments: So, guys, notesonlife has always been one of my favorite authors early on my nejiten phase, and this is one of my favorites. please read their other stories as well!

8. The Problem with Hats by Aquarius Galuxy

— “Broken a/c, a tipped-over Weinermobile, and a girl who can’t seem to stop bugging him. It seems as if Neji’s day can’t get any worse than this.”

Comments: A sweet, well written fic by one of the writing senpais herself, @aquariusgaluxy ! I love both Neji and Tenten here so much!! NEJI IS SO FCKN CUTE HERE!! AND CHEEKY TENTEN!!!! AAA

9. Mission: Reverse Nejiten by Adelle-chan

— “Tired of all the failed attempts, Naruto uses Lee’s beliefs to get the two together. Or sort of.”

Comments: HOLY CRAP THIS WAS GREAT AND FUNNY AS HELL. Characterization is on point. This is my definition of a perfect naruto fic — where the other characters interact with the ship and the dynamic is great, like it’s part of the main story all along. i fucking love this one.

10. Truth Be Told by Mistress of Sarcasm

— “Hyuuga Neji falls for Tenten the day she almost broke his nose. Tenten doesn’t think of Hyuuga Neji as boyfriend material until an hour before he confesses.”

Comments: Holy crap! this was sweet as fuck! also one of the OG fics I want you all to read. Please give it a try!

11. Fifty Winks by Sandataba

— “Oversleeping is sometimes a good thing.”

Comments: Nice and Fluffy. shit u want to eat. I found the last part super cute!!!!! STILL think abt this fic from time to time.

12. Boxers by notesonlife

— “In which Tenten reorganizes Neji’s underwear drawer, and Neji decides to propose.”

Comments: OKAY, THE FLUFF IN THIS ONE WAS SIMPLY TOO MUCH. IT WAS TOO GOOD MAN. PERFECTION.

13. Rush Hour by Poisoned Scarlet

—  “It was during one of those days; when the crowd was at it’s fullest, that he strolled into the shop and inadvertently humiliated her.”

Comments: Heehee. this one was cute.

14. Actions Speak Louder by Lotos-Eater

— “Short oneshot containing a dangerous amount of fluffiness. The surgeon general recommends you brush your teeth immediately after reading.”

Comments: HOLY FUCK. THIS ONE WAS SO, SO CUTE. ISTG THIS SHIT WAS. AAAAAAA. JUST PERFECT. *CHEF’S KISS* PERFECT.

15. Keeping Up Appearances by 716799

— “Them? Caught in the act? NEVER.”

Comments: okay, at first i was a little hesitant to add this fic but THOUGHT IT WAS THE PERFECT ENDING!! SO SWEET N FLUFFY!!!

MORE UNDER THE CUT!!

Tier 2: Summer — Stories serving as a reminder of our lazy, hazy days of summer — complete with all the thrumming romance, sexual tension, and  drama that reflect easily so on those summery teenage memories. They’re sweet, spicy, sometimes heavy, but have all the ingredients you need for the perfect sunset fics. Read with passion! Let’s go!!

tags: romance, drama, lime, spicy

1. a memory stick filled with myspace friends by straw8erries

— “fake facebook dating: it’s really cute, she swears.”

Comments: Funny, spicy, a little heavy, but nonetheless hot, what other story to start off this tier? It’s a college AU , maybe not with the closure that you would expect from something like a summer romance, but it has these moments that shine.

2. Singing Sirens by 716799

— “Everything about this says that it’s not going to work. But Tenten has always specialised in disasters, and nothing in their world is a coincidence.”

Comments: Sooooooo hot. I love the goddamn dialogue, the characters feel so fresh and new but so true to heart at the same time. Please give it a try!

3. In Coffee City, We Borrowed Heaven by Aquarius Galuxy

— “It wasn’t as if he wanted to take this class, anyway. Reproductive Health 1101 was for people who couldn’t look up information on Google. Or someone who needed a science module to fit in his already-packed schedule. Hyuuga Neji belonged to the latter group of students, and he was in no mood to explain himself.“

Comments: As always, @aquariusgaluxy never fails. This was equally hot and equally clever, and you can’t help but with it were longer, but isn’t that the point??? sometimes ambiguity is also magical

4. Sixth Time’s the Charm by thedarkangel22

— "Gosh, Neji, where’s your sense of adventure, huh?” “I managed to lose it somewhere between the third and fourth time we were caught with your hand down my pants.” Where Tenten and Neji can’t seem to resist one another.

Comments: I remember reading this fic over and over again because I couldn’t get over how nicely written it was. Great plot, set up, dialogue, seeks excitement throughout the whole fic. Exhilarating. Pls read.

5. Revolver by Scintazzle

— “’You’d better not get in my way, incompetent novice.’ Tenten just got a new partner in crime. Unfortunately, he’d like nothing better than to work alone.”

Comments: Holy holy shitttttt, what is it with nejiten and agent cop AUs? They’re so goddamn hot. This one is no exception.

6. Recess by NessieGG

— “Tenten gets stuck on desk duty, but it’s a kind she’s not used to. 'Neji, I’m not going to have a make out session with you in a broom closet.'”

Comment: One comment: hehehehHHEHEHEHEHEHE

7. Eggnog by iflip4dolphins

— “She had slept with her worst enemy, and now she was trying to remember what had happened.”

Comments: OH MY GOD, this fic has such a good writing style. And such a great composition too. I just love everything about this fic. More love for this fic please. i super love it. I REREAD IT ALL THE TIME. IT’S LIKE MY GO-TO FOR PERFECT NEJITEN CHARACTERIZATION AND FLUFF. You will too!

8. Tension by Interim

— “Tension mounts when Tenten finds a surprise in her shower.”

Comments: YES. HDFGIHILHGIH.

9. I Swear I’m not Drunk Officer by fanfictioner22

— “The title says it all.”

Comments: THIS WAS FUNNY OK. and it had that spicy tinge to it that makes u wanna go mmmmf. MOTHERFUCKER!!

10. Airless by NessieGG

— “This was not the type of assignment that Team Gai specialized in. 'There’s something else you should know about the Grass nin…'”

Comments: OH MY GOD, this fic is all sorts of special! The drama, the tension…. the best resolution ever. written impeccably by the ever-talented nessiegg too. god i love this fic. it rlly has it all. v captivating!

11. In Men’s Clothing by voidforrent

—  “It wasn’t that Neji didn’t find Tenten’s breasts attractive; he was just trying to be respectful.”

Comments: Oooowee, I remember not liking this fic the first time i read it. but as i grew older i realized HOW FUCKING HOT THIS FIC ACTUALLY IS. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. IT WILL MAKE YOU SWEAT!!

12. Racetrack to My Heart by Aquarius Galuxy

— “Ino takes Tenten to a blind date - except it’s not quite blind, and not quite what the latter expects.”

Comments: BRUH THIS FIC WAS HOT AND BRILLIANT. THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. NEJI AND TENTEN ARE SO FUNNY HERE. YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS!!!

Tier 3: Autumn — Stories with pain, stories with substance. Stories that have something to say, making our hearts hurt, breaking them. Stories that are subtle, with some sort of comfort in the air. Bittersweet. A lot to take in. Stories that speak to the mind and soul. Stories with words and feelings as vivid as the warm colors of autumn, as the seasons prepare for the occurrence of death, and the winter to come.

tags: drama, hurt/comfort, romance, angst

1. Little Feet Working the Machine by pusa-is-me

— “There is a reason why Team Gai is not sent on seduction missions.”

Comments: This is, I think, the perfect fic to describe this tier. Painful and subtle. Plays with your feelings. Raw & powerful. Again, one of the first few things I ever read about nejiten. still think abt it from time to time.

2. Christmas, 1944 by Giada Luna

—  “Not all of the War Efforts were 'Over There.’ Tenten comes home froma long shift at the factory to an empty home, Bing crooning on the radio, and dreams of a Christmas with him back home.”

Comments: sad sad sad. then happy happy happy. cries and smiles. LOVED IT.

3. 13 Unmentionables by pusa-is-me

— “This is not a love story. At least not yet.”

Comments: OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS FIC…. IT BROKE MY HEART, IT TORE ME TO PIECES. SOMETHING ABT IT JUST MAKES ME FUCKING ACHE. MAKES MY HEART THROB. GODDAMN. SO MUCH PAIN. IT’S SO FUCKING RAW.

4. Mindless Perversions of Love and Life by voidforrent

— “There were times when she couldn’t help but wonder why.”

Comments: (we’ve won, but at what cost?) :(

5. Birds by Snowshinobi

— “Birds fill his lungs, his throat, but still, not one reaches his mouth.”

Comments: Okay, okay. Tbh i rlly don’t know how to categorize this fic. did it break my heart? did it make me squeal? but something in my heart told me to categorize it as autumn. pls have fun because this is beautiful.

6. Certain the Journey by NessieGG

— “He made her understand that, to him, her love was absolutely worthless.”

Comments: Omg :(((( okay but this was beautiful as well.

7. fragmented dreams by Seynee

— “She has loved everything about him that hurts.”

Comments: so fucking beautiful. almost perfect. loved it.

8. Stitch my heart back together again by SaturnXK

—  “There is nothing I don’t love about you, Tenten,” Neji says softly. And Tenten wants to cry because it isn’t true. There are too many things wrong with her, and Neji is a liar.

Comments: OH MY GOD, this one attacked me right in the heart. it just… please just read it. it’s so pretty.

9. Mine for the Night by syaoran no hime

— “For this whole night, she will close her eyes and pretend that he is hers, his glacial heart and all. For tomorrow, she can never have the same liberty again.”

Comments: AHAHAHAH i remember reading because of this one. this author is just so og and so good :’)

10. Since Spring by NessieGG

— “Neji is driven to the brink of his sanity when his teammate disappears and is given an option. 'I can use a technique that will allow you to forget every memory you have of Tenten.'”

Comments: raw. powerful. ugh. a lot of feelings in this one, wrapped under beautifully written strings.

11. Those Old Feelings Again by Poisoned Scarlet

— “It wasn’t that they weren’t aware of their attraction for one another… it was just that one was good at burying it, and the other was too stubborn to admit it.”

Comments: :( and then :)

12. Bergeron Falls by Goldberry

— “It’s been five days since they’ve seen the sun and everything is water.”

Comments: oh, thank god i recommended a goldberry fic or else i’d never be able to forgive myself. yes this is very beautiful as always :)

13. Lotus by memory’s marionette

— “Even if I now saw you only once, I would long for you through worlds, worlds.“ Because one life is not enough for love, and the past forever bleeds into the future.

Comments: SUCHHHH a beautiful fic. oh my god. i almost want to highlight this and show it to the world because that’s just how good it is. reincarnation done and written perfectly. i love love love this fic~~~

14. Right Before His Eyes by NessieGG

— “There has been a change in Tenten that Neji does not understand. 'You’re leaving the team.'”

Comments: classic nessiegg :)

15. Falling Flight by Toboe Lonewolf

— “When Tenten falls, she falls hard. And right now, she’s falling hard…for him.”

Comments: OKAY, well honestly, I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINALLY RECOMMEND THIS. i know this isn’t drana/angst but it just felt right for me to recommend this under autumn. plsplspls enjoy!!

Tier 4: Winter — The end of the year, the end of an era. Bonds strengthened and broken. Friendships were made. Read as the branches of winter fill up with snow, trees of knowledge that have been through the seasons, preparing to die with everything they have with them. Stories about growing up. Stories about family. The beginning and the end. This is their outcome.

tags: family, hurt/comfort, angst, romance, friendship, fluff. basically all the tags. if you’d notice they’re all growing up fics with exceptions to some but i think you’ll understand :) this tier is more assorted but the feels speak the same

1. She Was There by Ally1313

— “She was there. She was always there.”

Comments: I don’t know why, but something about this fic always makes me want to cry. It has a very special place in my heart. I first read this when I was 12, and I loved it so goddamn much. THIS FIC, IT CHANGED MY LIFE. IT INSPIRED ME TO LOVE NEJITEN MORE THAN EVER. SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ENJOY IT!! OH GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH. WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START OFF WINTER.

2. Chichue by keroRiBBIT

— "I’m nervous,” Neji said. Hizashi smiled at him, “There’s nothing to be nervous about.” “You said that before too.” “Have I ever been wrong?” Neji growing up in Hizashi’s care.

Comments: OH HIZASHI. THIS FIC IS THE CUTEST GODDAMN THING I HAVE EVER READ. LOVE ITTTTT

3. coda in d minor by metaphorically-blue

—  “She doesn’t look like her father. /And children can’t recognize grief./”

Comments: this fic has been recommended to be by someone on tumblr before. needless to say, it broke my heart. a short angst break :’)

4. Fate by Silverlight

— “The first date, the first kiss, the first time he asked her to marry him.”

Comments: cute cute cute cute!!

5. 20truths: Neji and Tenten by Cyberwolf

— “The longest conversation the two have in school is when Tenten explains the advantage of titanium shurikens over plain steel ones to Neji, then wishes him luck in the target range.”

Comments: Of course, this winter growing-up-fic collection wouldn’t be complete without a 20truths!!

6. Only You by Byakuxhisa4eva

— “There are very few things he would ever deny her.“ Even at his cruelest, he had always been kind to her.”

Comments: okay, now this one is a classic :)

7. Shadows of the sun by withered

— “Death changes nothing, even when Neji is gone; Tenten is still trying to reach him.”

Comments: another short but necessary angst break :’)

8. A Series of Indecent Proposals by Pleasantries and the Aftermath

— “The first time he kissed her, she slapped him so hard, she left a welt.”

Comments: very very cute. they are just so. goddamn cute. very well written and nice characterization.

9. Drifting by Ariel32

— “They were drifting down a river, and the only thing that mattered was that they were driting together. You can’t help being in love.”

Comments: AAAAAAAAAAAAA this was so pretty!!!

10. Twenty Truths About Team Guy by RennaV

— “Twenty Truths about Team Guy the rest of Konoha doesn’t know. Mostly comedy and focusing on the relationships of the members of Team Guy. It does end kind of sadly. Sorry.”

Comments: OK THIS IS A BIG ONE. A BIGBIGBIG ONE. I REMEMBER reading this and wailing like a little baby. i really cried a lot. this one built up my heart and shattered it to pieces. beautiful.

11. Soul-Marks by fanfictioner22

— “The soulmate!AU Nejiten style.”

Comments: this one was so clever and thoughtful. so goddamn funny and full of substance. LOVED IT.

12. Irresistible by MyFallenAngel

— “The fact that Hyuuga Neji was irresistibly irresistible was undeniable.”

Comments: This was one of the fics I read earlier on, and it was SO CUTE. Everything was just so pure, so undeniably Nejiten. Please, give it a read!

13. Papercranes by Bloody Angels

— “The paper cranes have always been a part of her life and perhaps, they always will be.”

Comments: CAN YOU HEAR IT???!? MY HEART ROSE AND FELL. SO PRETTY. SO BEAUTIFUL!! broke it too. cried like a little bitch.

14. Blind by Midnight Insomniac

— “She is sixteen and in love.”

Comments: HNNNGGG THIS ONE RLLY STRUCK A CHORD IN MY HEART. THIS ONE ALWAYS STANDS OUT TO ME FOR SOME REASON. LOVE IT!!

15. Chance Encounters by Scintazzle

— “That humiliating moment where Tenten grabs the shoulder of a person who she thinks she knows, turns him around, and doesn’t recognize him. At all. And things just go downhill from there.”

Comments: CUTECUTECUTECUTE AAAAA

16. Severing Ties by fanfictioner22

— “Some ties are better severed and Tenten learns it the hard way.”

Comments: angst breakkkkk but it was v beautiful :’)

17. Truth Be Told by MistressofSarcasm

— “Hyuuga Neji falls for Tenten the day she almost broke his nose. Tenten doesn’t think of Hyuuga Neji as boyfriend material until an hour before he confesses.”

Comments: I REMEMBER THIS ONE. IT WAS SO CUTE. I LOVED NEJI AND TENTEN IN THIS. ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVS :)

18. The Seasons by sotto.voce88

— “Love was never seasonal.”

Comments: v beautiful :)

19. Patchwork by NessieGG

—  “When she thought he was sleeping, he saw her get scissors and snip off a section of the yellow sheet beneath their intertwined bodies.”

Comments: I remember always avoiding this fic no matter how much times it popped up on my feed. I remember it was because I was very scared of how heavy this fic would be. I was right. It’s too beautiful for words. I CRIED AGAIN. JESUS I RLLY CRIED WITH THIS ONE. Just really the perfect way to end this tier, please read Patchwork!! (classic nessiegg, always beautiful :(()

Okay, now that concludes my oneshots recommendations!! I get to breathe a little now :)) please read all of them. they really are the best of the best. Now moving on…

THE KONOHA INTERLUDE: OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

nejiten oneshots/ficlets written in the perspective of the konoha 13!! pls enjoy these for they are genius :)

1. The Lost Things by pusa-is-me

— “Where Shikamaru realizes that the Hyuuga Neji does know how to get jealous, and that for all her intelligence, Tenten was pretty oblivious.”

Comments: A little ShikaTen is always cute for me. I love shikamaru and love it when he appears in nejiten fanfictions because he of all people know how oblivious those two are to one another :))

2. No Competition Here by carved in the sand

— “You think your man has anything on mine?”

Comments: Pure crack-ish fluff and humor

3. Replacements by 716799

— “Nothing is ever as good as the real thing. (One day, she will ask him to henge.)”

Comments: o noessss…. but also AN ABSOLUTE MUST-READ. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEJITEN FICS OF ALL TIME. i LOVE THIS SO GODDAMN MUCH AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AS FUCK NOT TO MENTION GENIUS!!

4. Exchange by Wielder of Paperclips

— “In a short exchange of words, Shikamaru enlightens Tenten. “

Comments: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. GOD I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY DAY. THE DIALOGUE IS SO CUTE AND SHIKA IS THE BEST!!

5. Princess by insert cliche

— “One of the biggest reasons why Uchiha Sasuke hates Hyuuga Neji is also the most unknown.”

Comments: vv cute!! a stoke of genius

6. Bad Dog, No Biscuit by Lotos-Eater

— “Or, Inuzuka Kiba’s Even Longer Day. Kiba is not quite the player he thinks he is. Will there be anyone to appreciate his animal magnetism and rugged charm?”

Comments: KIBA IS A GENIUS. I REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM AND I THINK THAT HE WAS WRITTEN REALLY WELL IN THIS FIC. PLS READ THIS ONE IT’S HILARIOUS.

7. Inner Light by NessieGG

— “She had heard the rumors. But she had never gone so far as to assume that they might be true.”

Comments: OMG. THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. I really just like anything to do with Sakura. She’s so ugh here you really really feel her. Beautifulll

8. Sempiternal by saccharinely

— “In which she sends the letters left unsent. She needs closure. He gives it to her.”

Comments: A really beautiful SasuTen fic. Somehow it should be triggering but it all makes sense to me :)

HALL OF FAME: FICLETS

a.k.a.: stories that are too long to be oneshots but are too short to be actual fanfics. usually around 2-3 chapters but wouldn’t have been done any better :))

1. On Sex by Lotos-Eater

— “With titles like this, who needs summaries?”

Comments: Really, it seems shallow, but it’s truly one of the best-written, most beautiful and introspective things I have ever read. it really grew on me and I love it so goddamn much!! IM SERIOUS I RLLY LOVE THIS ONE ITS ONE OF MY GO-TOs

2. Goldilocks by a Different Name by Aquarius Galixy

— “Tenten discovers that someone has been living in her apartment when she goes away on long missions.”

Comments: vv cute fic with very witty dialogue :) neji is cute

3. Call Your Manager by Clementive

— “Tenten’s feelings for her English project partner are as complicated as his coffee order.”

Comments: another really cute fic. Tenten is a legend!!

4. Heatwave by Yahboohbeh

— “When she found her breath again it was ragged. Only one thought tore through her mind: Consume me. The Suna sun wasn’t the only reason their faces burned.”

Comments: very very hot n spicy like the title and caption suggesttttS

5. Perchance by KNO

— "Wow, what are the odds we’re both at the same party AGAIN?”

Comments: ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEJITEN FICS OF ALL TIME. i love this one so much. so witty and smart, especially all the expressions and dialogue. Super cute too!!

6. Four Conversations on the Subject of Flight by wildcatt

— “Flying is not as perfect as you imagine it to be, you know. Flying is just falling up.”

Comments: So fucking affecting all the time, I sweat. For some reason I always remember this fic when i think of nejiten :0 PLSPLS READ THIS ONE!!

7. Confessions by Cyberwolf

— “Tenten is trying to tell Neji something. He’s not quite getting it.”

Comments: THIS ONE WAS VERY VERY FUNNY AND CUTE. I LOVE ANYTHING WITH THE KONOHA 13. BRILLIANT!!

8. The Only Alliance by notesonlife

— “A black leather bound sketchbook binds her to him, and breaks her against him.”

Comments: THIS ONE WAS BEAUTIFUL. TRULY A HALL OF FAMER. SO MUCH SUBSTANCE AND ALWAYS STICKS WITH YOU. WRITTEN VERY PRETTILY. PLS READ!!!!!!!!

HALL OF FAME: ONE-SHOT COLLECTIONS

a recommendation panel of the best one-shot collections you will ever find on the site!! as if a single one-shot was enough… :”)

1. Vicissitude by KNO

— “A collection of drabbles and one shots. Neji and TenTen pairing. Contains regular appearances of other characters.”

Comments: THIS. THIS IS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE. EVERY frickn oneshot in here is a gem and i treasure all of them in my heart. genius, too. In here stems a lot of my favorite nejiten oneshots ever. PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!!

2. The Path to Ashes by notesonlife

— “Neji says it’s their fate. Tenten shows him nothing is secure like that. NejiTen. 017: Naruto’s smirk reached ear to ear. “Next, whoever both gets twelve will kiss.”

3. One shots: Neji and Tenten by I-Heart-Hatake-Kakashi

— “100 Nejiten oneshots. Chapter 100 - Happy Birthday Neji!”

Comments: okay, when in your entire life do you get to say: “I WROTE 100 ONESHOTS FOR NEJITEN” ever???!?!? well, this author can! they actually wrote 100 nejiten oneshots and all of them were so unique and affecting and had this certain continuity to it that left me in tears when I finished.

4. Shades of Konoha: Dragon and Phoenix by Giada Luna

— “Series of oneshots featuring Neji and Tenten. Chapter 32: NejiTen Month 2019: Body/Cursed * They tell him he is born to bound - and he believes them.”

Comments: I have only recently discovered this collection and have been loving it so far. Props to Giada Luna for all the times I smiled bc of these!!

6. Right, Wrong and What Falls Between by Aquarius Galuxy

— “What is, what was, what may have been. (Part 34: Three feet away, Neji continues to read his papers, as if ignorant of what she’s doing.)”

Comments: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. God I really love these. There are some real gems in this collection. Genius fics. PLEASE READ THIS ALONG WITH POSTCARDS. THEY ARE BOTH QUITE GENIUS.

7. Untouched by MakeYouSmile

— “Why are you doing this to me?“ Tenten asked quietly. Neji did not give her the pleasure of responding. "After all that’s happened, you’re still standing in the same place.” –A collection of Neji/Tenten shorts.

Comments: A lot of beautifully written Romance/Angst on this one. Really heavy n affecting!!

8. Perks and Pains by keroRiBBIT

— “There are pros and cons in every situation. Most of the time, one just outweighs the other. Ch. 3: A lover with such long hair. Perks: It comes in handy when you desperately want to hold on to something. Pains: It tends to get messy in the morning.”

Comments: SHORT BUT GENIUS. THIS SHIT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS, TAKE MY WORD ON THIS. THE FIRST CHAPTER ALREADY HAD ME HOOKED. SERIOUSLY IT’S HILARIOUS AND GENIUS AND AURGHHH PLS JUST GO READ IT!!!

9. Careless Whispering by misspandalily

— “17: Neji, Tenten and Lee are fairies who run a catering business together. Mostly AU oneshots.”

Comments: VERY CUTE FIC COLLECTION by one of my closest nt authors!! pls give it a try!!

10. Lotus Blossoms and Other Musings by Yahboohbeh

— “Collection of one-shots. Part 28: Her eyes were nothing like his.”

Comments: Very sweet collection :))

HALL OF FAME: MULTICHAPTERED

okay, okay, i gotta admit, i’m not particularly the strongest in this department. yes, I am quite knowledgeable on nejiten one-shots, but unfortunately i have not read a lot of the longer ones. but the ones here… they’re really good. so with those words, i hope and trust that you will enjoy these :)

1. Manager and Other Side Jobs by Scintazzle

— “Accepting the shady job offer wasn’t really one of her best choices…but discovering she threw up on her future boss was even worse. Tenten’s new relationship brings a whole new meaning to complete and utter servitude.”

Comments: THIS FIC. I have so much feelings with this fic. Scintazzle’s writing is one of the few that I can actually follow through. Very interesting plot and a lot of sexual tension. !!!

2. Eyes Like Pale Thistle by Aquarius Galuxy

— “She crawled beneath his skin and questioned the way he saw life. Perhaps all he’d wanted, really, was a little bit of control.”

Comments: I REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS ONE. Was super hot but had a lot of substance and a lot to say. Had moments of brilliance that I really appreciate!

3. Neji Gaiden by Levi Ackerman

— “Inspired by recent omake - if Neji wants a gaiden, Neji will get a gaiden! This story chronicles Neji’s life with his team starting from their graduation from the Academy. Follows canon with extra details.”

Comments: NEJI GAIDEN! HOLY HOLY SHIT PLEASE READ THIS ONE. DEFINITELY A MUST-READ. Since it follows canon it really gives it more points because IT GETS NEJI AND TENTEN’S CHARACTERIZATION REALLY ON POINT. AND EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE WHICH IS SUPER CUTE. PLEASE OH GOD READ THIS ONE. IT’S QUITE GENIUS AND IS VERY WELL WRITTEN. the author really knows the characters she’s writing about and UGHHH JUST PLEASE. It’s a shame it isn’t finished tho, but otherwise IT’S WORTH IT!!

4. like paper dolls and little notes by Seynee

— ”It’s not that Tenten hates flying. In fact, she kind of likes it. Especially when she gets free cocktails. Especially when she’s sitting next to a handsome stranger. Especially when she gets to talk to him. This is going to be good.”

Comments: nawwww this one was a classic. really hesitant to finish this before but the ending is totally worth it. made me cryy :”)

5. The Fat and Pretty of Art School by Paper Lanterns and Yoghurt

— “We’ll laugh and we’ll sing (poorly) but whatever happens we’re in it together babe.”

Comments: OMG. I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH. BASICALLY THE ULTIMATE HEADCANON TO THE NEJITEN HIJINKS. It’s super super cute and the characters are really on-point. had some really funny and endearing moments too. love Tenten’s friendship with shika and sasuke here. SUPER COOL YOU FEEL LIKE A COOL KID WHILE READING THIS.

6. Rapunzel by wildcatt

— “And she leads the blind prince home.”

Comments: It is quite short, but it is REALLY REALLY BEAUTIFUL. I WAS SOBBING, COMPLETELY IN TEARS during mass as I read this fic. Everything is written with so much heart and pain. pls give this one a try.

6. Complexities of Blackmail by Aquarius Galuxy

— “[Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.] Lieutenant Tenten finds herself caught in a web of blackmail when Lt Hyuuga Neji stumbles upon her doing what she shouldn’t have been. Mere rivalry between old teammates turns into something deeper, much to Tenten’s horror and bewilderment.”

Comments: Ohhhh, blackmail, blackmail, blackmail. Of course. This is the god of all nejiten fics. It’s so fucking beautiful. Every time I go back to this in every chapter is just something so beautiful and bewildering it warms my heart. DEFINITELY A MUST-READ. Blackmail just sticks. Left me as a sobbing mess at the end. Very raw and very powerful.

7. Crossing the Middle Line by Scintazzle

— “You know you’re screwed when your ex-girlfriend becomes your new secretary…and you’re falling in love with her all over again.”

Comments: OH MY GOd this FIC THIS FUCKING FIC. very hot. sweet n spicy. short and cute. quite hilarious at times. loved it!!

8. Right Kind of Wrong by Nokito-chan

— “She yanked him out of his comfort zone. He made her want things she tried to guard against. Somewhere in the middle … hell broke loose.”

Comments: OMG. THIS FIC WAS EVERYTHING. super hot as well and was a really fun time. tenten’s bond with konohamaru was really sweet :)

9. The Twelve Days of Christmas by Giada Luna

—  A quirk of fate turns Tenten into a modern day Snow White and tosses her into the lives of the Huyga-Uzumaki family right at Christmas. However, she has her own problems, and not time for 'Prince Not-So-Charming’ or anything else to get in her way.”

Comments: a very cute and light read that is perfect for the seasons! giada is such a talented writer; her words flow and make sense. everything is as it should be :)

10. Scars and Stitches by pusa-is-me

— “A love triangle of Gai-stronomic proportions.”

Comments: THIS. THIS. I hate this fic. I love it to death. So much conflicting emotions here, but left me at tears as always. Really just one of the best nejiten fics i’ve ever read out there, and the perfect last recommendation. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. WHAT A WAY TO END THIS CHAPTER

CLOSING REMARKS

So that concludes my masterlist! What do you think? It was a long-term project I started in march? and have finally finished in time for the holidays!

I’m 100% sure that there are some brilliant fics I missed along the way, and I apologise if I haven’t added them. Please give me more recommendations so I may add them. And Please treasure all these fics as I have.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! I hope these keep you covered for the rest of your breaks :)

Pls also check out the authors here on tumblr for they are still active :)

AUTHOR TAG:

@iridescentirises @aquariusgaluxy @misspandalily @giada-luna @fanfictioner22 @zealousheart

[sometimestxt]

Everyday

Fandom: SPY x FAMILY Characters / Pairings: Twilight (Loid), Yor, Anya / some Twilight x Yor Summary: The Forgers are the perfect fake family with perfectly fake feelings; flowers, sunset watching, and bedtime stories are to be expected, of course.

Word Count: 1,653 Read on ao3.

-

“Here, Yor, I got these for you.” Loid unceremoniously holds out a bouquet of flowers towards the woman in question. He shuts the front door behind himself so quietly it doesn’t make a sound.

Yor points a finger at herself. “For me?”

“I stopped by the florist on my way home—some of the neighbours were talking about us again—I believe this should quiet them down for the time being,” he elaborates. “They said it was ‘quite delightful’ when they saw me walking by with this in hand.”

“Well, they are lovely.”

Loid nods his head once in agreement, passing the flowers over to Yor. Following that, they head into the kitchen together. Anya sits at the dining table, her head buried in the latest volume of Spy Wars.

Her attention turns towards the sound of the entering footsteps and her eyes light up at the sight of Loid. “Papa!” she exclaims.

“What are those?” she asks next, pointing at the bouquet in Yor’s hands.

“Loid bought some flowers,” she answers with a smile.

Anya turns towards Loid with an expectant look on her face. “Did Papa get anything for me?”

“I’ve already gotten you enough things,” he reprimands.

“Maybe next time,” Yor intervenes. “Don’t you think these look nice, Anya?”

The young girl mumbles a few incoherent words in response.

Yor holds up the bouquet in her hands, observing it more closely. “Oh, there are lilies of the valley here… snapdragons too.”

She doesn’t see the way Loid’s posture straightens at those words. He swiftly inquires, “Are you familiar with floriography? The language of flowers.”

She blinks, gaze moving towards her fake-husband, then back to the bouquet. Her expression turns sheepish.

“I know of it, but I get a lot of the meanings mixed up. Oh, maybe I should understand it better, all things considered. And even you’re familiar with it…,“ she trails off.

Flowers aren’t necessarily her forte, but she does know a thing or two about thorns. And poison. Still, she probably shouldn’t say.

“No, it’s quite outdated. I don’t think many women these days understand it that well besides the most common flowers, such as red roses,” he reassures. “I’m not that knowledgeable of it either; I was actually wondering if you were. I’d only taken the florist’s recommendation for this.”

Anya stares at Loid, her eyes narrowed.

“Well, it looks beautiful,” Yor compliments. “We should put it in a vase.”

“Of course; I can do it,” he says, taking the flowers back from Yor. The kitchen becomes quiet once more as Loid busies himself with the bouquet and Anya turns her attention back to Spy Wars.

“Ouch,” Loid mutters suddenly, “pierced myself with a thorn.”

“Are you all right?” Yor asks immediately, concern lacing her voice.

“I’m fine; I’ve been hurt by much worse before,” he says wryly. “It’s barely a prick.”

Anya immediately jolts up and stares at Loid, her eyes wide. His focus stays on the flowers. The girl shakes it off before eventually asking, “Thorns?”

“Some flowers have thorns on them. They’re little prickly things. They hurt a bit when you touch them,” Yor explains. “Pretty things like flowers can be a bit dangerous sometimes.”

“Mama is pretty,” Anya says pointedly.

“Oh, well, this and that—they’re, uh, kind of different.” She chuckles then, a nervous hint to her laughter. “It’s not like I’m, uh—”

“Done.” Loid sets his finished work on the tabletop, interrupting Yor’s babbling. Anya seems to have lost interest, her eyes once again glued to the pages of spy shenanigans set in front of her.

Yor clears her throat then, gaze turning to the vase. The flowers are lined neatly. “Thank you, Loid.”

Daisies and daffodils make up most of the arrangement, she notices. A pure white. It’s accented with a few yellow roses and a handful of carnations, light red in colour. The lilies of the valley and snapdragons fill the rest, bringing it all together.

If she remembers correctly—

Her lips form into a small smile.

“Thank you for thinking of me, Loid, thorns and all,” she says softly, so quietly that only a trained ear can properly hear.

“It’s only natural for a husband to buy flowers for his wife,” he replies simply.

“Still,” she beams, “you’re very thoughtful.”

He turns his face away from her. “Think nothing of it.”

New beginnings, admiration, and happiness.

How sweet.

-

Twilight carries Anya in his arms as he strolls down the cobblestone path of the city. Yor walks next to him, diligently keeping up a perfect pace.

They look like the picturesque family, as they should.

The perfect fake family with perfectly fake feelings.

In his arms, he feels the steady rise and fall of Anya’s chest. She’s already fallen asleep. It’s been a long day after all, keeping up this farce. The sky is fading from a bright blue into a deep orange hue.

“Ah, the sun is setting,” Yor points out, her voice soft. “Twilight, right?”

He blinks. His face is neutral, doesn’t even move a single millimetre at her remark—he’s schooled himself in deceit, after all—but what if, what if. He gazes across the horizon and sees the shadows of buildings, homes, everything, silhouetted by the setting sun.

His mind runs at a hundred miles per minute; his backstory is perfect, Anya hasn’t let anything slip, his forged documents are infallible, and he’s a master of disguise. He hasn’t raised any suspicions with her, he concludes.

“Yes, twilight,” he eventually echoes.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she continues. “It’s always so lovely to see the sky painted in such warm colours. Twilight might be my favourite time of the day, I think.”

She says it so easily.

“It signals the end,” he comments. “Of the day.”

It’s elusive, not quite there. There for a moment, then gone in the blink of an eye, disappearing into the night sky. Something out of reach.

“You almost say it like it’s a bad thing,” she observes.

He shrugs his shoulders lightly, making sure not to wake Anya. “Some of my patients don’t do so well in the dark, with twilight—the transitionary period. The darkness in particular can be a pain point, especially the unknown that it brings. It’s not uncommon.”

“Oh, I see.” Her eyes turn back to the horizon. “That’s too bad. It really is beautiful. I think the dark… is also comforting. I’m more comfortable in the dark.”

He raises an eyebrow in response.

“Not to be weird or anything!” she exclaims. “And, uh, even though it’s the end of the day… I do think twilight is quiet, and… warm.”

He almost laughs at the thought, but he can tell from her body language and from the inflection in her voice that she is being completely earnest.

“And I think,” she continues, turning to face him once again, “that this is the perfect way to end the fun day we had, Loid.”

His mouth suddenly feels dry and Anya stirs in his arms.

Twilight’s gaze moves from the little girl sleeping peacefully against his chest, to the woman walking by his side.

Right.

The perfect fake family with perfectly fake feelings.

-

Papa is a liar. He lies all the time. He lies about his work, he lies about her, he lies about flowers, he lies about everything.

Mama is a liar too. She lies—bad. Mama is not a good liar, but she still lies anyway.

Anya is also a liar. Anya has to lie, because if she doesn’t, maybe Papa and Mama will stop lying too. And when they stop lying, they won’t need her anymore, and she doesn’t want to be just another number again.

She’s heard enough of Papa’s lies and truths to know.

So Anya will lie and she’ll try her best at school and she’ll be friends with snotty little boys for world peace, but mostly for her Papa and Mama. She might even eat carrots too.

A yawn escapes her lips.

“Are you tired, Anya?” Mama asks, her eyes glancing at the clock on the wall. “It’s almost your bedtime, actually.”

“But Spy Wars isn’t over yet,” she whines.

Mama lets out a soft laugh. “A couple more minutes, then. It should be over soon.”

She picks up the petite girl once the show finishes, carrying her in her arms with ease. As she walks towards Anya’s bedroom, she suggests, “How about we get Loid to read you a bedtime story tonight?”

“What?” his voice exclaims from inside his room.

Mama stops in front of his closed door, giggling. “Come on, Loid. Anya’s been studying really hard lately.”

“Papa! Let’s read Spy Wars!” Anya shouts.

Papa doesn’t say anything, but Anya hears anyway. The door opens then and Papa has a frown on his face, but he still holds a Spy Wars book in his hands.

“You spoil her too much,” he mutters under his breath.

“I think we both do.” Mama laughs.

“I don’t get why this series has a cartoon, comics, and books,” Papa continues. He hits the cover of the book with the back of his hand as though that emphasizes his point. “It’s a bit much.”

Anya pumps her fist in the air. “It’s cuz Spy Wars is super cool! Right, Mama?”

“Yup, super cool.”

They walk into Anya’s bedroom next. Mama tucks her into bed, all tight and cozy, and sits on her right. Papa sits on her left and he opens to the first page of the book. He starts reading slowly, then Mama begins to read some of the words too.

Anya listens carefully. It’s quiet besides what they read off the pages, what they say out loud.

Papa and Mama lie a lot but sometimes they don’t, and Anya knows.

She closes her eyes as she listens to Papa and Mama’s voices.

That night, Anya falls asleep with a smile on her face.

——-

a/n:

I googled around for flower meanings, so there’s multiple interpretations for all the flowers I chose. I chose the ones I did for a reason tho ;)

09/25/19: added a few lines. This is what happens when u write a story in a couple hours and publish it right away

[mcrmadness]

What has my life become. I’m browsing photos of trains and train tracks from my town. TRAINS??? I’ve never understood how some people are so fascinated by trains but now I’m doing this myself? :DDD

Well actually it began when I was browsing old photos from my city - it has been changing A LOT over the past 10, 20 and almost 30 years. I’m 29 so I can’t remember more than about 20 years of it and already when I view photos I have taken in 2011, the city has changed so much it’s unbelievable. Google Street View still shows most places like they were 10-15 years ago and I had already forgotten what they used to look like and now am having flashbacks to e.g. 2009 when I was in the driving school and how the road I drove for the first time ever with a car looks so totally different today.

Not really interested in the trains tho, couldn’t care less about marks and models but it’s still fun to see some old carriages I remember being in as a kid. It’s nostalgic. Also because I remember how terrified I was of the doors that connected several carriages as it was so loud and I was so afraid of stepping on the floor (I think I jumped over it) because I was afraid of the carriages suddenly getting detached or that I’d fall through the floor. And if you went to the toilet, all the feces went to the tracks. There was no container, just a hatch that opened and I can still remember looking down and seeing the tracks going by.

But maybe I kinda have this it in my blood too. My dad’s parents both worked for the Finnish railway company and my dad used to travel by trains a lot with his family, and he has always liked traveling by trains (normally he hates traveling overall) and I also really like being in trains. Lately I’ve been using my car more often since Finland, or at least this Eastern side of the country, has gotten worse and worse what comes to public transport. You can only get to the South through East but no trains go to the North anymore (from my city), and also the bus traffic is the worst ever. Or there is some but only a few times a day so if you actually want to go somewhere that is not one of the biggest cities just for the day, you need to have a car or you can forget about it altogether.

This REALLY started from an old photo where a train was not coming from a tunnel and that made me so curious because I wanna know where was the track going back in the day if not through that tunnel! So I started googling to try if I could find something about the train tracks to see an old photo or drawings or something about it. And then ended up finding a website with photos of trains and tran tracks and there’s also lots of older photos and because the tracks also go through this side of the city, I’ve been able to see older photos from this side too. All the other old photos I found from my city are mainly from the downtown and I wanna see the places I have seen most of the time when I’ve been growing up!

[frankieshq]

[ itzy vc ] hey, hey, hey, it’s your girl summer coming at you with her twenty years of mediocre existence to present miss FRANKIE KWON. meet my self-conscious, awkward babie who uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. you can find info about her under the cut !! i might have written a long ass bio that i didn’t bother to finish on a google docs but will be linking that one soon.

BACKGROUND

[tl;dr: young girl grows up in a matriarchal household that is heavy with regret and blame. dad comes and makes her childhood a bit happier, only to leave and break her heart because he’s an asshole. grows up thinking her smarts is gonna save her, but it’s actually her humor that does]

to truly understand frankie kwon, one must go way back--back to when her grandparents first immigrated to michigan. landing in detroit, sunhwa kwon and her husband didn’t have it easy. she had a two-year-old hanging by her neck and a brilliant but unambitious husband. she had to struggle with odd jobs for years while taking care of her family and helping her husband learn english, so he can use his engineering degree in america. she became a severe woman, never softened by affection but hardened by grit and hard work. eventually, the her husband was able to land a stable job and the family relocated to chelsea. 

sunhwa made sure to train and hone her daughter jina’s natural intellect, but her methods were severe and lacking in affection. jina looked for the affection she didn’t find at home elsewhere. she fell in love with the first boy that called her beautiful, and at eighteen, gave birth to francesca areum kwon. 

and so it goes that frankie was born in a household  heavy with guilt, blame, and regret. there was love there somewhere, but it was constantly shadowed by feelings that existed way before she did. the emotional scars her mother and grandmother inflicted on each other were too deep-seated that their love for each other hid behind a cover of blame and snark. at a young age, frankie learned how to read a room, learned what to say or do so as to not aggravate the precarious balance of their household. she learned how to figure out whether her mother was too tired from work or whether her grandmother was in a snappy mood. it was a tightrope dance she learned how to perfect, growing up faster than she should have. 

all her grandmother’s lost hope for her mother transferred to frankie, and her grandma supervised her education with the same vigor. although, this time, she was a tad bit more affectionate to her granddaughter (i mean all grandmas can’t resist their grandchildren, let’s be real). her mom wanted to protest, but aside from the guilt, she was always busy. being a single mom was hard enough, but she also had to take care of her aging mother.

frankie is a shy kid by nature, but her household just intensified this predisposition. she had few friends because she was scared about approaching kids first. she spends her time watching cartoons, studying, and writing in her journal.

enter: frankie’s dad, andrew grant. he left chelsea and his pregnant ex-gf bc he’s an asshole. but he comes back nine years later because he failed at whatever version of the american dream he was following at that time.

he taught frankie to have fun !! she’d spend afternoons at his car shop bantering with him and telling jokes. eventually, she relayed these jokes to people at school and was shocked when people actually laughed. she became more well-liked, developed a sense humor, and had more friends. the ages 9-12 were probably her happiest. 

at 12 years old, she got invited to a middle school sleepover for the weekend. but she had a big test on monday, and her grandma doesn’t allow her to go to stuff if she has tests the next schoolday. with the help of her mom, she was able to go to it by pretending it was a school event. had so much fun and forgot to study. she didn’t get a grade high enough for her grandmother to be happy, though. once her grandma found out what she did and her mom’s involvement, she was livid !! that was the biggest fight her grandma and mom got into and frankie was grounded for a month. the worst part was, throughout the fight, frankie felt like she was a burden to the two women she loved the most. she felt like she was the reason her mother was always tired, constantly nagged on by her grandmother about wasted potential.

to make matters worst, her dad left town again. fell in love with some other venture. he told her he would come back but never did. 

since that day, frankie dedicated herself full force to her studies. she felt like she needed to make it up to her mom and grandma for all their sacrifices. she built a wall around herself because it’s easier that way. she had few friends, but it was better for her.

her grandmother died during her senior year of high school. she loved her grandma, but she felt as if a weight lifted from her chest. her mom encouraged her to go to school as far as she liked. 

she got a scholarship to columbia and studied statistics like the big nerd that she is !!

she met roman and lucy here, finally felt that she had friends that she felt she can really open to. 

after college, she worked for a firm. she finally felt secure, like she payed some sort of unsaid debt to her grandma but she wasn’t happy, folks :(((

she first did stand-up as a dare on an open mic and she was so shocked that people laughed. she was tipsy then, and kept made self-deprecating jokes of her childhood trauma. love that for her.

the more stand-up she did, though, the more nervous she got because she gets really worried if she’s doing things right. instead of improving, she got worse because her nerves always get to her. don’t get me wrong the jokes are great, it’s just that her execution doesn’t always land.

comedy was just a vERY beloved side hobby for her until a small production company based on youtube offered her a writer position. she would get to  write their skits and stuff, but she it payed wAY less than her present job. she was like fuck it, and took the offer. she wanted to make people laugh.

that leads us to here, a girl who is still unsure whether leaving a secure job was the way to go, secretly hoping to be a famous comedian.

PERSONALITY

frankie is like a spring roll you guys. outside, she masks her awkwardness and shyness with some cRunCHy self-deprecating jokes and sarcasm. so, she has an intimidating exterior because she tries to be tougher than she actually is. inside, she’s just a soft and sad girl. she doesn’t talk much if she isn’t comfortable with you, but once she is, she talks a loT. but it does take a while for her to warm up to people. can be extremely judgmental (a trait inherited from her grandma), but her mind can be changed. isn’t stubborn, though, and is actually a doormat. the type of person to say something and obsess over it because she’s scared that it might have offended someone. 

HEADCANONS

lots of repressed femininity because there was a lot of internal misogyny in her household growing up !! it was only until college with the help of lucy, that she was able to access her girlier side. 

is a lesbian, but has a lot of internal homophobia as well. her grandma was a very traditional woman, so frankie feels very guilty about liking girls, and is very hesitant about going on dates and actively looking for relationships even though she’s really lonely.

likes writing a lot !! used to keep journals since she was 8 because it honestly made her feel less lonely growing up. 

nOBODY CALL HER FRANCESCA. she hates that name, but likes her second name a lot. only her grandma called her areum tho.

spends a lot of time at  mon’s deli, and mon could also be counted as her bff. she and the old man gossip and chitchat about the bennington street residents for hours. is this also because she is in dire need of a father figure?? maybe, yes, absolutely

used to have really low alcohol tolerance, but sort of grew out of it?? if she doesnt drink for a month or two tho, her tolerance goes back to zero like dont ask me, i dont make the rules

still a big fan of cartoons and kid humor !! loves amazing world of gumball and steven universe

makes her own kimchi because her grandma and mom have a special family recipe, will happily share if she likes you

i imagine the level of closeness she has in the group varies, like she’s closer to some people than others and acts differently around them

would really like to do stand-up again but still has stage fright

want her to either end up working on something as big as snl or writing movies or overcoming her stage fright and becoming a successful stand-up comedienne !!

[gunkyengines]

4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!

Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:

·         Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.

·         They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).

·         They hate the nickname “Bella”.

·         Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.

·         They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.

She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.

She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.

Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).

As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???

*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.

** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.

·         Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.

·         Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.

Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC

Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.

One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!

That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.

This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.

·         They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.

·         She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.

·         This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.

·         Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.

 9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).

·         Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.

·         Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me

·         Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.

·         Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.

·         Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.

·         Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).

Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.

[darkvolley]

talk to me about ienzo spending his growing years being an emotionless husk and therefore not understanding what it means to be a person because he literally never learned out how, the years a person uses to discover themselves, establishing an identity were robbed from him, killed as a child and then waking up as an adult, how does this make you feel

Oooohhhh fuck yeah babey! Whippin' out google docs for this one. I've made so many essays on Ienzo and his emotional/mental development, or really lack thereof, and how absolutely pissed off it makes me. Like it really all just loops back around to me hating adults, but kfjvivjck here we go for the hundredth time cuz I literally cannot shut up about best boy and how tragic he is.

Okay so, like,,, we gotta start at the beginning here. Cuz Ienzo's got no parents. We don't know for sure what happened to them and if it was tragic or not and if it was we also don't know if Ienzo happened to see anything bad or not. There's just no way to know. But regardless! At some point Ienzo was taken in by Ansem the Wise. Surrounding Ienzo is Ansem, obviously, Even, who's pretty cranky and kinda egotistical, Dilan, a very uncaring guy, Aeleus, who obviously did care but clearly never did anything, and Braig, who well… regardless of if you think he was Luxu the whole time or not, is still not a good influence. So this is a small child sorta being raised by some not so perfect father-figures. Even tho Ansem cared I'm sure he was still busy a lot. Even was shown to be in charge of watching him but Ienzo did run off at one point implying him sneaking away is a common occurrence and/or Even isn't good at watching him like he's supposed to.

And let's keep in mind that even before Terranort showed up human experimentation was something that was happening in the castle. I dunno if all the apprentices were partaking in that before Terranort's arrival, but they definitely were afterward. And now we get into the beginning of the worst part.

Ienzo starts getting manipulated. Ansem the Wise's reports say the lab in the basement was a decision spurred on by Ienzo. Ansem had that lab built cuz Ienzo convinced him. A small child told his father figure that building a lab meant for human experiments would be a good idea. There's no way in hell Ienzo made that decision himself. He is a child who trusts the only adults that have raised him so far. If they tell him to do something he would likely do it. So Ienzo was manipulated(most likely by Terranort or Luxu) into manipulating what's basically his adoptive father.

Then it all just keeps getting worse! Eventually Ansem finds out what's going on in that lab in the basement. He wants it all shut down, but no one's going to listen to him. They've been too manipulated themselves by Terranort and Luxu. The other apprentices banish him to the Realm of Darkness and at some point Ienzo's going to have to know where Ansem went. So what do they tell him? They tell this little boy that his adoptive father went fucking mad. And not only that, but also that he fucking abandoned them! Just lost his mind and left them all, Ienzo included! And like, sure! They don't want Ienzo to know that they've become the bad guys, maybe they think it's the lesser of two evil explanations, but by how pained the poor man looked in 3, clearly what he was told had been eating at him for a whole decade. He'd been clinging onto that answer he was given ever since that day and realizing that he'd been lied to brought out just as many emotions as seeing Ansem return did.

And just when you think it can't get any worse, we reach the pinnacle. The day everyone became Nobodies. It was pretty much a choice everyone made. Dilan being the most willing, and Luxu apparently having no idea that was part of the plan considering his reaction. Or he at least didn't plan on getting stabbed by Terranort with his own Keyblade to make it happen. Anyway, I highly doubt Aeleus was truly okay with the whole thing without a ton of manipulation. And for Even it probably took less manipulation but, my point. Those two did need at least some manipulation unlike Terranort and Luxu. But Terranort was obviously being manipulated Luxu but that's not really what I'm talking about here. Anyway, Dilan has been proven to be just kinda shitty in general in a previous analysis of mine so I feel he was pretty much on board from the start, he just needed some talking to first.

So back to Ienzo! Again, there's no way this child willingly made the decision to become a Nobody. But, at this point the kid has lost his adoptive father, these are the only people he trusts, and he's a damn child! He is malleable and would believe whatever he's told since he believed Ansem really did abandon them. He's gonna trust that whatever becoming a Nobody means would actually be a good thing. And I doubt that even if Terranort and/or Luxu explained the whole deal to the other three that they'd also give the full picture to Ienzo.

So poor boy gets stabbed by Terranort and ends up a Nobody. At some point they go to The World That Never Was and take up home there. Zexion isn't the only kid in the Org, but Axel and Saix likely did keep more to themselves, plus they're teenagers and at this point 16/17 so they're almost adults. But anyway, he's in this new place that's all white and honestly to me feels like a stone cold prison from the atmosphere it gives off in Days.

And included in the whole ordeal is what comes with being a Nobody. Obviously we know everyone was lied to about not being able to get their hearts back without Kingdom Hearts, but they didn't know that. Zexion's just a kid and he's being told he doesn't have a heart anymore nor can he get it back unless they work on completing Kingdom Hearts. He's told he can't feel emotions without a heart, so he's going to question every little thing he feels and be in denial about it being emotions. And even tho he doesn't believe he can feel emotions, he still can. How else is he supposed to get a new heart eventually if he can't anyway?

So, like plenty of teens, Zexion gets angry that he can't control his life and he's stuck in the situation he's in now. He becomes the snarky Zexion that we all know. All his backhanded talk is his way of letting out even the smallest amount of frustration he can while not acting out in a way that'll get him in trouble with Xemnas. All his caretakers have become kinda worse people and he ends up surrounded by even more people that are kinda shitty. I mean, Luxord's pretty normal tho so he might be excluded from that. But then there's Lexaeus, who was shown to be regretful of leaving Zexion alone after he loses to Riku. It's pretty clear that he's the first person that really regrets the way everything has turned out, or who has at least expressed it at that point, and is upset that Zexion had to be apart of it all. But other than that it doesn't seem like anyone really cares for Zexion. He and Vexen have mostly been shown bickering and in the extra scene in KH2 Xigbar/Luxu seems to just like teasing Zexion. He even brought up the experiments they did which is likely a sore spot for Zexion considering everything he's been through.

And then there's the way he goes out. Getting strangled to death by Repliku on Axel's orders. I've gone over this one in detail before but if I'm gonna have everything on this post I might as well do it again in a condensed form. We don't really know the extent of Ienzo's relationship with Lea and Isa, but they had to have at least known each other when the two ended up becoming apprentices. And growing up in the Org together they had to have done missions together at least a few times and they were in meeting together and all that. Since those two were on the younger end as well, they had to have some understanding of how Zexion was feeling through it all. And yet Axel and Saix had it planned the whole time that Zexion was going to die at Castle Oblivion along with everyone else. This little kid that they'd known since their Radiant Garden days, dying like the others so they could get closer to having a chance to figure out what happened to a girl that Saix started questioning the very existence of. And then you have to wonder about how that affected Ienzo. Was there ever a moment where he was scared to see Riku again after a fake version killed him? Does he secretly hold it against Lea? Does he have nightmares of getting choked???

And after the worst of it is over, he finally wakes up and he's himself again. He's home, but during his reunion with Ansem is when we finally see the lasting effects of everything he's been through. He says he was just a boy, but he should have known better. That means all these years Ienzo believed he should have done something. Even as a child he should have been able to see past the manipulation and put a stop to it. But that's wrong. So completely wrong. He was a child while everyone else was an adult. Ienzo shouldn't have to keep all that guilt of not being able to do anything on his shoulders. It should have been the adults' responsibility to protect Ienzo. Being a child in the first place means he's prone to blaming himself and thinking everything was his fault. If only he could have seen through the manipulation, told Ansem when he was still around, or another adult not involved, or stopped them all himself then none of this would have happened. That's what he tells himself, which is so horribly wrong. And even as an adult he carries all that guilt around which means he was never able to realize that he couldn't have done much, if anything, and he shouldn't have had to in the first place. He doesn't realize it was the adults' responsibility. That's where the stunted maturity comes in. In that aspect he still thinks like a child cuz he never truly got to grow up from being one. He still has all that guilt even after eleven years.

And it all fucking kills me. That's how it makes me feel. It makes me continue to feel my life long contempt for adults that don't care for children cuz children are apparently inferior. And no matter what kids are going to blame themselves, even if they know they shouldn't. Even if they're self aware enough to know it's a thing kids just naturally do, they're still prone to it. And by God if there's anything so deeply realistic in anything Nomura has ever done, it's Ienzo's characterization. It's how real and human he is despite being a fictional character. Him and his struggles feel so real because we were all kids and so many of us have had fucked up parts of our childhood and if there's one relatable thing in Kingdom Hearts it's the guilt Ienzo has felt for eleven goddamn years and I'm gonna fuckin cry and this time it's not about the reunion scene. Ienzo just means that fucking much to me for all the bullshit he's had to unwillingly put up with cuz of crappy adults.

[truly-morgan]

February 20th: Questioning - What are some experiences you had when discovering your arospec identity?

I never really asked myself if I was aro-spec before a certain event, as I had believed (up to 17) that I was Bisexual, you could see a little more of my path on learning about myself on this little comic.

Maybe if I had learned what aromantic was before that specific event, I would have figured out earlier, as I can totally see all the hint to it from how I was acting and saying in the past about not wishing to find a partner (I mean, it was from 13 to 17, what the point of rushing to find someone anyway?).

Like I mentioned in my post for the 19th prompt, I realised I can't really keep up with people being in love with me (and me knowing), and this is pretty much what happened:

Let set the people who were involved. Two guys, one who was a friend of mine (FM) and the other one was just a classmate of mine (CM). The last person is a good friend of mine (GOF). I was pretty close with FM as I had become friends with him around the start of the school years, as for CM he approached me out of nowhere in our English class.

CM was messaging me on discord, yet again trying to convince me to go to his house and cill with him, even tho it always had refused before and had at least try to make him understand I didn't want to. You need to understand I'm bad at getting used to people, even more when going at their home, I just feel awkward and it would have been even worse as I didn't know him well and we weren't even friend.

So I go to FM, asking him tips on how to get him to stop asking, as I was getting tired of all this and didn't knew how to tell him without sounding rude and aggressive. A fun thing I didn't know: he had just calmed down from being angry at CM for some reasons I can't remember, tho I learned about it later since I didn't know at the moment.

Then it turns for GOF to get in this, telling me something along the line of not talking about a dude who loves me to another dude who loves me. This was a bombed dropped on me and started my descent into nearly having a panic attack (or maybe I did, I never had one before so I can't tell). Apparently, FM had come to complain/rant to her about it and for obvious reasons it must not have been a good time for GOF either.

So I'm stuck between three people messaging me all at the same time, making me feel just worse as I wasn't able to correctly process that information. At some point, I explain to GOF how I never had a real crush on anyone (thinking more about it now, it was most likely squish I had towards friends) and stuff like this. At some point, she did ask me if I was aro.

At first, I was confused as to what it was, tho I felt like I did hear that before. So I googled it, read a little about it before everything clicked in place. Yes. That was it, that what I was.

End of the story is the next day I was feeling like shit, FM seeing it right away and leaving me some space, has CM was oblivious to it even if he did get the hint when I went for my math class 10 minutes in advance, leaving me alone for the day. FM did help me get better at lunchtime.

FM did confess to me a couple weeks later, as for CM I never had a concrete confession, but from how he was acting with me and around me, it was most likely that.

I cut all contact with CM probably a couple month after graduation as he was really annoying and had been a total dick to GOF (don’t ask what he did, this is my friend story and therefore not mine to share). Also, I believe he was a Nice Guy, so it might be better that I cut contact with him. I slowly lost contact with FM as I suck at keeping friendship I guess and maybe unconsciously I was still unsure about all the love thing, last time I saw him was at a convention.

Tl;dr – Two guys had a crush on me at the same time,  I get stuck between three people messaging me, nearly having a panic attack as I learn they both love me. I tell my friend about how I never had a crush before and she asks if I might be aro. Do some research and learn that I am.

As much as it wasn't a pleasant event (nearly having a panic attack isn't fun) I think I'm still somehow thankful? Because I doubt I would have figured myself out otherwise (and would never have got I'm also ace), or then very much later in life.

[prismarine-parrots]

Tree of Life Notes

Would this technically be a masterpost? Not sure what that entails so let’s just keep it as notes.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5 Part 4 Part 5 (1) Part 5 (2) Notes

The basic ideas of ToL- function, plot, what happens to who... basically while I was writing ToL me jotting down everything I could think of to try and make this make sense XD

-in this AU, everyone's life force is tried to a tree. These are special trees that relate to the person.

-link to the Google Doc with everyone’s tree designs... except for a few I’m not sure of still (taking suggestions for those, comment on Google Doc!)

-whenever the player dies, the tree takes a small amount of damage eg. a leaf falling

-many deaths in a short amount of time can lead to the tree becoming more visibly unhealthy, but normally if you wait a couple days without dying the tree will heal itself and go back to normal

-the trees can be moved by using a special axe, similar to the armor stand book or the wrench tool. It's a iron axe that is enchanted and when you break one part of the tree, the entire thing disappears and it drops one sapling. When that sapling is replanted it grows immediately. While the sapling exists as an item, the hermits will still PROBABLY  respawn, but there is a lot more risk of perma-death or having complications.

CAUSES

1. Grian joining from an old version server brought glitches unknowingly (catalyst for all and at his never worked properly in the first place)

2. The ConVex using Vexnos to Thanos-snap the server probably doesn't help at all

3. Lag from all the redstone keeping the trees from healing (MUMBO?)

4. Exploring the world as much as the hermits have (literally like 30,000 blocks in multiple directions wow) has started to cause world corruption (like broken chunks and such)

This is a mess

HOW THEY FIX IT:

-no clue

-Xisuma rolls back the server to a time where this wasn't an issue? (Grian would still be dead/on his way to dying)

-EX becomes a hero and gives his life force to heal the others (originally plan but I couldn’t make it work so that was scrapped)

-heal them like you do a zombie villager?? Wait for the tree to die completely then use a potion/healing item on it to revived it? (This one!!)

CASUALTIES

-Grian is first death

-Wels dies soon after

-TFC dies but not a lot of people realize because he's still in his bunker

-Evil Xisuma nearly dies??? Or does?? (Yes he does)

-Xisuma gets sick but they solve the problem before he dies

-False tries to be a tough cookie and suck it up until she collapses and dies on the spot

-Doc dies right at the end but puts up a serious fight

-Tango dies

-Zedaph dies

-Scar dies and Cub is not okay

-xbCrafted dies

-Python dies

LIVING PEEPS (read: Dead-Only-On-The-Inside Peeps)

-Mumbo (he’s worse than he lets on)

-Jevin

-Xisuma

-Iskall

-Cleo

-Stress

-Rendog

-Cubfan (oops I’m sorry)

-JoeHills

-Impulse

-Jessassin but he doesn't know what's going on anyway so

**list is not comprehensive (as in I'm not sure I have all the hermits listed lol)

-not everyone knows what's going on. TBH some people probably don't even know about the trees in the first place, and some may have just randomly died or didn't know people were perma-dying in the first place. These are mainly the hermits that are actually hermits and dont do many collabs/I don't watch enough to feel comfortable writing/don’t do HC anymore in the first place XD

Hermits that are actually involved in the issue (AKA the ones I'm writing)

-Grian

-Mumbo

-Iskall

-Xisuma

-Stress

-False

-Cub

-Scar

-Ren

-Doc

-Tango

-Impluse

-Zedaph

-Joe

-Jevin

-Python

TIMELINE

-Iskall, False, Mumbo, and X discover Grian and his tree are sick

-Grian explains what he knows but passes out before he can finish

-everyone panics and tries to figure out how to heal him, calls Tango, Joe, Doc, and Stress to help

-Grian dies

-(side)Ren get footage of Grian's death message and keeps it in his video not sure of it's seriousness, Recap has it as the main part of their video and literally the entire fandom freaks out

-(side)almost all of the hermits go silent until this issue is resolved. Not everyone knows what is going on and are doing their own thing, so they continue to make their content until maybe some of them randomly die too. Innocence is a blessing. These hermits are Jessassin, xbCrafted, Python, TFC, and probably some others because I might shorten my list of hermits because that's a LOT of characters to write

-Xisuma calls every possible to a meeting ASAP to address the issue and figure out what caused it and how to fix it (they're assuming they can still get Grian back rn XD)

-no one knows what the heck happened, most people haven't touched their trees/forgot they existed

-Jevin is late and bursts in in a panic, saying that Wels isn’t waking up

-they get to the bone arch between shopping/modern districts on the way to medieval/industrial before they get the seat message that Wels had died

-they devise a plan to look for a cure, start preparations for a lot of traveling

-False gets exhausted and collapses, dying on the spot as her tree unknowingly gave out

-they start their mission to stop this madness

SOMEHOW—

-Scar and Cub go to the Woodland Mansion to see if any old books or artifacts there might have anything to help the situation

-They fight some Vindicators and start looking for what they came for

-Cub realizes that something is off with Scar and Scar says that he's not feeling well

-Scar suddenly sinks to ground but is still conscious

-Cub starts to panic and tries to help Scar

-Scar explains that he hadn't been healing properly after taking damage and assumed that his tree was broken as well, but had been hoping he could play it safe and hold on until they healed the trees but the fight with the Vindicators had really taken it out of him

-Cub tried to get Scar to heal but it isn't working

-Scar says something really sweet and brotherly to Cub before closing his eyes and going limp but still having a smile on his face

-Scar died.

SOMEHOW-

-When Tango's tree starts to die he goes insane and goes feral/demonic and starts attacking everyone with he demon features (horns, claws? Wings? That's a headcanon tho)

-in the frenzy Tango kills Python (I think I said he died earlier but I'm going with this here for sure)

-Tango pins Doc

-Impulse kills Tango before he can kill anyone else

-they find a clue that they can find a cure at a set of coordinates

-coordinates turns out to be EX's hideout

-EX is dying, Xisuma's tree is affected but he is safe until EX dies

-Xisuma convinced EX to help them to keep EX from dying

SOMEHOW-

-EX dies. Originally I had it that EX is some sort of salty anti-hero and gives his life to help but I couldn't find a way to make that work so he just ends up dying. Does he respawn? Idk up to readers

-they find a cure and head back to the settled areas of Hermitcraft. Some of them go and raid everyone's storages for potion ingredients to make harming potions and splash healing potions.

-Doc and Ren fly around the server and set up beacons (existing or new) to have regen activated

-Doc is killed by phantoms

-the cure is finished and tested

-Grian lives!!!!!!!!! :D

-Impulse goes to revive Tango and Zed

-Ren revives Doc

-Grian revives Scar

-Mumbo goes to get Cub and help him out

-Cub lowkey wants to die until he sees Scar and then yay no more dead Scar and dead-inside Cub! 🤠

-Jevin revives Wels

-Iskall, Stress, and Cleo revive False

-Joe helps out Xisuma, then they go revive TFC and Python

and that's all I had written down? Did I forget anyone?

-all this happens over the course of one very stressful week :D

[writeinmysoul]

The idea of celebrity fandoms aggravates me, my guys.

People like to collect every little detail they can of a celebrities life and then say it’s part of fandom. They swear these celebrities that they don’t even know are the purest or sweetest or whatever people. It’s great that they haven’t proven that they’re indeed shitty ppl, but how celebrities have acted in front of the camera has never proven what kind of person they are. Plenty of people have idolized celebrities for how they act in the public eye just to learn what kind of shitty person they are years later.

Support your favorite artists and actors. Be their fans. But stoppppp acting like it’s a fandom my guy. That’s back to over idolizing celebrities and acting like they’re characters you know everything about. Stop collecting their information to prove how well you know them better than newer fans or know them in general. Stop sexualizing them. Stop acting like you deserve to know everything about them. Stop treating their lives like it’s something you’re supposed to follow know everything about. It’s fucking creepyyy.

I gotta admit, in 6th grade, I did that bullshit with Justin Bieber. And that shit was creepy. And I was creepy asf for that bull. I thought I just knew everything there was to know. I googled him endlessly. I believed i knew his favorite color and food and everything there was to know about him. And much more. And it was fucking creepy.

And some “fans” take shit waayyy too far, to an obsession. And that’s where shit gets even worse but I won’t even touch that shit. It’s all just aggy. And I’m so tired of seeing blogs dedicated to the everyday life of celebrities like Tom Holland. Every Instagram post of his and every picture that gets put out is immediately all over the blogs. God I’m so tired of him being sexualized and having fanfics written of him. He’s mad attractive, I get that. He’s a great actor tho, and that’s all that should matter. But people have blogs dedicated to fanfics about him and his life. Even sexualizing his best friend and brothers. Bringing his parents and families into their FanFictions. I’ve seen fanfics about Chris Evans being with Sebastian Stan. I’ve seen Shawn Mendes fanfics and more. And I’m sure there’s a ton I haven’t seen since I don’t go looking for this.

But because I like marvel so damn much, half of my recommended are fics based off the marvel actors’ real lives. And I’m sickkkk of it. I love that they get love, but some of y’all are mad creepy. I can’t even lie. I had to unfollow a few blogs because I was so sick of the constant Tom Holland fics that were either being written or reblogged. And I didn’t even know people wrote shit like that until I saw them. Smh. These are normal people my guys. Richer and a whole lot more famous, but still people. Y’all get pressed, rightfully so, when people sexualize y’all, but y’all do it to every fucking celebrity. Fucking ew.

I’ve admired a celebrity’s look. I can maybe say I’m a fan of a few people, meaning I’ll look for more things they’ve acted in or put out. I’ll keep an eye out for new projects. There are even a couple celebrities I follow on social media, mostly artists so I can be up to date for newer music, but I also follow people like Chris Evans because he uses his celebrity to have a voice and be positive and to remind people to vote. To use his influence for good and keeps himself educated on what’s happening. That’s what makes me a fan. That’s almost all I really care about. Sometimes I’ll watch an interview, usually if it comes across my dash, but y’all be reaching paparazzi stalker level and y’all think it’s okay cause y’all aren’t the ones actively being paparazzi or doing the creepy stalker shit yourselves half the time. Y’all just supporting the actual paparazzis businesses. And it just pisses me off.

Idk. That shit just drives me insane because that’s why I never want to become famous. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate that shit. And some of these celebrities have fucking made it clear they hate this shit. I’m sure they’re flattered, but some of y’all reach major creep levels. I especially hate when people act like they know a celebrity. You don’t. What they put out in the world, personal or not, is not all of what makes them up as a person. I’m really all over the place with this, but it’s honestly been irritating me for months since the first Tom Holland fic came across my dash. And now I see it way too much.

[lichanggengs]

Li Changgeng soulmate!AU

This turned into angst so quickly lmao oops

Decided to start writing scenarios, starting with one about Changgeng just because there seem to be no scenarios about him on here yet so I decided to just do it myself -definitely am planning on writing more eventho I’m not a good writer AT ALL- also pls love and support Changgeng

Word count:1.8k

Warnings: mentions of death

You didn’t really care about the entire soulmate thing but you couldn’t exactly avoid it when something kept pressing into your skin

Everyone was born with a heartshaped clear gem planted on their wrist

And honestly it was fine the first 16 years of your life, you forgot it even was there most of the time because it wasn’t doing anything

You see, the closer you got to your soulmate, it would start to light up more and more the closer you got to them

But yours never did and you didn’t find that weird or anything because what even are the odds of your soulmate living close to you, you know?

But as you turned 16, your heart shaped gem suddenly started to hurtAnd the pain would vary from slightly tingling to feeling like someone kept poking a needle into your wrist

So you decided to google what that could mean

And oh, you wish you hadn’t done that

You found a lot of possible answers to this

And none of them seemed to be positive

But your soulmate possibly dating someone else at the time or being attracted to the other gender or your soulmate living at the other side of the world, despite none of those being ideal

You immediately only focussed on the most extreme and most heartbreaking option

Your soulmate might have passed away

You weren’t one to really think that the only way to be happy was with a significant other but of course you wouldn’t want your soulmate to have already died at such a young age, who would ??

You couldn’t help but think that of course this had to happen to you, why couldn’t it go as smooth for you as it did for your friends when their gem just lit up one day and they just went up to the person and all was well from then on

But no, you were just getting over the fact you might never even meet your soulmate and hell, this kid might’ve suffered for god knows how long and it’s just unfair, why did it have to be them

You wouldn’t really listen to your friends when they told you you might’ve just been overreacting, because death wasn’t the only possible reason your wrist could hurt like that

But you just figured to jump to the worst conclusion and just assume you didn’t have a soulmate anymore

So you lived with that idea

For quite a few years

And all of your friends were finding their soulmates one by one and at first it hurt but eventually, you got used to it

You focussed on your studies for the most part

You didn’t need a soulmate to be happy But you know, it would’ve been nice

As you turned 21, people would start to question it

“So have you found your soulmate yet y/n?”

And you didn’t like talking about it because most of the time when you mentioned the pain your heart shaped gem caused you, they would tell you about their relative or acquaintance who had the same thing happen to them

So then you’d ask them what that had meant and all of the answers were the same “oh …yeah their soulmate passed away”

Anyway, you had learned how to live with it and over all you were pretty happy

You were studying to be a nurse actually and you managed to get an internship in a hospital not so close to home

You figured you could help people with their pain to distract you from your own

Or at least that was your original plan

But when do things ever go as planned right

You had nearly finished work for the day as you were walking around with your colleague, it had only been about a week into your internship so you were still asking questions pretty much the entire time

You walked passed a random hospital room when you felt it

An incredibly sharp pain, it felt like someone was stabbing into your wrist, worse than it had ever done before

Maybe this room wasn’t so random

You stood still for a second

“What’s wrong?” your colleague asked so you just had to ask who the person inside of that room was

“Oh, that’s so tragic honestly, Li Changgeng has been in a coma for years” and it just made so much sense to you right in that moment

“How many years?” you asked

“About 5, I think”

5, it had been 5 years since you started to experience that something  was wrong

This kid was your soulmate and you knew he had to be

“Uh this is probably really weird but are we allowed to go in there? I mean that just sounds so sad but also so interesting, what happened to him?”

Your colleague gave you a weird look but didn’t question you further and just told you about the accident he had been in when he was 16

And then you were able to enter the room

It felt like your heart shaped gem was about to break, there was no question in whether this boy was your soulmate or not, this was the only logical answer

From then on you would frequently visit him, at least every day after your shift

Why? You weren’t exactly sure either because there wasn’t rly a point in doing so

It had been 5 years and you quickly figured that most people had given up on him since he got no visitors in the couple of weeks you had worked there

But you felt the need to do so, both for him and for yourself

Even once your internship was over you kept visiting him as much as you could, you even resulted into studying in his room when you felt like it

Until you kept getting busier as your exams were coming up

You were in class when you noticed

You didn’t feel anything

No pain, not even a slight tingle in your wrist

 You had gotten so used to the feeling that it felt unusual to not feel anything

Your mind immediately jumped to the worst conclusions

You got out of your class as quickly as you could and made your way to the hospital straight away

As you got there, you made your way to his room, which had become so familiar by now

You were painfully aware this could’ve been the last time you saw those 4 white walls

You just really hoped it was for a positive reason

And not for the reason you feared for

 As you got there, you saw the familiar nurse who told you about Changgeng in the first place

“Y/n wow this so weird I was about to call you, how did you know?” she asked you

Your eyes just drifted off to your wrist, where your gem was no longer clearIt was starting to light up but not all the way yet

“So that’s why, huh?”

“Please tell me what happened”

“I think you have a soulmate to meet, he’s still rather confused and tired though so take it slow” she smiled and left

You were confused

And also suddenly super nervous

Were you just supposed to be like “yes hi I’m your soulmate and I’ve visited you every day for the past 4 months eventho we have never met before”

You didn’t have much time to think about what to say or do

Before you realised what was about to happen, you opened the door to his room, which was such a familiar thing yet you felt so out of place

He looked up at you, confused

He seemed to be trying to recognize you but obviously it was no use

Suddenly you could tell your heart shaped gem began to glow

Like extremely bright

And so did his

Well at least this kid was your soulmate

He looked even more confused and now also shocked, surprised, happy almost ??

And even MORE CONFUSED

And also rly cute but you know, we’ll get into that in a second

“How did you find me?” he managed to say

He was pouting and it just reminded you of a cute lost puppy

“I’ll explain later, I’m sure just finally being awake is already enough to take in” you said

“I guess you could say that, and then suddenly my soulmate decided to appear as well”

He smiled at you tho,ugh he looked tired and pale but you know, he had just waken up from a coma so let’s just forgive him for that

“Oh right, this is a really strange place to meet but I’m y/n” you said as you sat down in the chair next to his bed

He smiled weakly and said “I’m Changgeng”

You spent the next couple of days at the hospital, talking to Changgeng, trying to help him catch up on everything he had missed out on in 5 years, together with the help of his parents and his friends Yanjun and Kaihao who he apparently grew up with

Exams who? Exactly

And you might also have caught feelings

Which was quick but you couldn’t really help yourself, he was so attentive and seemed so genuinely interested in getting to know you

You showed him how even things like technology had advanced and made him listen to new music you thought he might like

And he seemed so fascinated and it was your absolute favourite thing

You were just explaining to him what snapchat was and how the app worked since he had never heard of it before, while you were just comfortably sitting next to him on his bed

 He was just kind of staring at you while smiling

“What?” you asked as you put the phone down

“Thank you for not giving up on me”

 “Well, I only got one soulmate so I guess I didn’t have a choice” you joked

He chuckled and placed his hand on yours

“Can I take you out on a date once I’m out of here?” he asked

You nodded “I’d like that, yeah” He was able to leave the hospital about a week later

And you helped him pack

“I’ll see you soon alright? Go catch up on your school work, I know I disctracted you” he said as he put his luggage in his parents’ car

“I didn’t mind, it’s okay”

He smiled at you and kissed your forehead softly

“I promise to make up for those years you believed that I was dead soon” he said

“You better” you agreed as he got in the car and drove off

You were sure he was doing to do exactly that and you could finally just let go of the worries that this stupid soulmate thing had brought with itself

And your heart shaped gem was shining brighter than ever

And so were you

[kendalls-korean-studies]

About Me Tag

Thank you so much for tagging me @fluentlee​! It honestly made my day.

A B O U T  M E: name: Kendall nickname(s): Kendall, I guess that’s really it? gender/pronouns: She/her zodiac: Taurus c: height: 5′5′’ I think hair color: Dark brown eye color: Green sexuality: Straight languages: Native English speaker, one year of Mandarin, and technically a few years of self taught Korean but I took quite a break so it created a huge setback for me. dream trip: Everywhere honestly. I would love to eventually go to Japan, China, Finland, Canada, Belgium, Germany, France, Sweden, etc. I do want to live in Korea one day as well. dream job: Something in the music industry. I would love to produce my own music, I want to learn how to dance and sing but I have no idea where to start. 

F A V O R I T E S: season: Spring! color: Black, Blue, Peach, etc. animal: Owls, Bunnies, Chipmunks. artists: Metric, NCT, One OK Rock, TWICE, etc. food: Chocolate (Does that count?) songs: Mighty Long Fall - One OK Rock, Pierce - One OK Rock, DDU-DU-DDU-DU - Blackpink, Wake Me Up - TWICE, I can keep on going honestly. fictional characters: Ritchie Tozier - IT, Mare - Red Queen, Peter Parker, Todoroki - Bnha, + More. books: Red Queen, IT, Daughter of Smoke and Bone, City of Bones,  dogs or cats: Cats! I like both but cats ultimately win for me.  coffee or tea: Both? 

A B O U T  M Y  B L O G: created: December 2016 I think? why did i choose my username: My name plus my target language and then studies.  following: 400... Oof, I know quite a few dont post much anymore though unfortunately.  followers: 570, omg thank you so much how tho. <3 why i made this account: As an attempt to motivate myself to dedicate myself to my studies more and to try and make more friends with similar interests and goals.  other blogs: My Overwatch League Blog,  and My Fashion Blog. I really just reblog things on both of those.  did you ever think of deactivating: Not Really. No reason to, this community is amazing. 

L A S T  T H I N G  I: watched: Youtube - A GoodGuyFitz video, Twitch - OWL Playoffs, Show - My Hero Academia. googled: ‘Tri Tom Sheet Music’ texted: “R u awake” to my sister ate: ... Hot Dogs played: Overwatch

O T H E R: average hours of sleep: Oof my sleep schedule is so so bad rn. I take super long naps in the day bc of lack of sleep at night and it just makes it worse. At night I’d say 3-4 hours but in a total 24 hours about 7-8. songs that get stuck in my head: The Twist - Metric, Bedroom Warfare - One OK Rock songs that make me boogie: Chain - NCT 127, Chase me - Dreamcatcher lucky number: 7 and/or 13 what i’m wearing now: Pajamas  play any instruments: Recently moved up to Tri Toms in Marching band, Very Stressful, I would like to pick up piano, I played for maybe a year around 4th grade. 

R A N D O M  F A C T S:

Makeup and Fashion are very interesting to me but I’m too lazy to make the effort myself unfortunately. 

I’m very interested in the histories and cultures around the world. 

Recently moved from playing Cymbals to Tri Toms in marching band and It’s such a big jump it’s very confusing and stressful but as I’m entering my senior year it’s really my only option if I want the experience. 

I admire so many people on here but I’m too shy to start a conversation and become friends which is a bit frustrating for me. 

F I R S T  P I C T U R E  I N  Y O U R  C A M E R A  R O L L:

Context: My friend Shaiann balanced a lil mini fan on the side of her snare drum and it’s genius. 

So I don’t really have friends on here unfortunately so If you don’t want to do this that’s fine but I would like to tag : @dailydoseofkorea, @sabrinstudies, and @koreanwithme. You’re all wonderful and I hope everyone has had a great day!

[bb-bigbang-org]

EPISODE 3 - “The bottom line: I really hope that this is the week where Drew goes.” - CODY

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 10:

Parting Words: Before the eviction, Ashley DMed me with some parting knowledge. She said she knows she is being evicted, but to make sure I watch out for Joe because he is well-liked and a "wild-card". She said he's close with Brooke, Kayla, Mandi, & Frosby and they may feel like they owe him. None of this surprises me, it is similar to what Austin told me yesterday. I do wonder if there's another alliance that Frosby is in with Joe. I do still trust Frosby and I believe that he has my best interest at heart, even if there is something else going on. I may just ask him straight up if there's another alliance.

Eviction: Ashley was evicted on a unanimous vote. I don't have much to say about this. She must have gotten herself in a bad position with both sides of the house. That's unfortunate. I wonder what's going to happen with her dying star. She messaged me before leaving so maybe she likes me, and she might give it to me. But I don't necessarily want it because I have a chance of getting the disadvantage too…

AUSTIN

Omg yessssssssss! Lukas winning is one of the best outcomes that could ever happen for me this week.  Having a second alliance with mandi and drew I feel will be good for me long term in the game as well. I like everyone in the game but they are some ppl I dont trust.  Brook, joe,frosby,and katrina are ppl I'm watching out for. ik trying to keep brook close to me tho just incase maybe she actually does wanna work together.  

CODY

I’m loving this idea that Lukas has come up with about getting the house to cast votes on who they want to go. Because my blow up with Drew I think did plant some seeds that he’s not really an asset in this game. And from what I’ve heard people are looking to throw some votes at him, which means that if he finishes in the top 2 of this. And Lukas is a man of his word, then Drew goes up on the block

The downside is that I’ve been the biggest character so far in this game. It’s been majorly impossible for me to slide under the radar though I have tried ever since I got saved. After Austin saved me I’ve been trying to be super chill and I think I’ve done a good job at it so hopefully people will realise that there’s bigger fish to fry in this game than myself. I actually think the fact that I’ve been on the block twice in this game could be something that people won’t respect and I might be able to twist it in my favour and say that I’m not going to win because everybody keeps nominating me “I’m such a joke”, who knows it might actually work. Will just have to wait and see...

Lukas did express interest in wanting to save me last week had he won power of veto however he did approach me after the blowup with Drew saying it probably wouldn’t be a smart move for him however my argument would be that if Drew is truly playing a bad social game I don’t think saving me would have been that big of a hindrance in the game

The bottom line: I really hope that this is the week where Drew goes. He’s my biggest liability in this game and has no allegiance to me or any of my people. And the longer he stays in the worse off myself and my people are....

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 11:

HOH Strategy: I am wary about winning the HOH this week because I feel like I am sort of sitting in between two sides of the house. Austin seems to trust me and come to me with information, but I have an alliance with Cody, and they are enemies. For the comp, I tried to get decent scores that I didn't think would win. Last time I tried that, I placed 2nd out of 16 players though... I'm nervous!

HOH Results: Lukas won HOH again. He is probably putting a target on his back winning 2/3 HOHs, but that's not my problem. I'm okay with this win. I don't think he'll come after me because he talks to me fairly often. He may go after Cody because he's already put him up and it'd be safer than putting new blood on his hands. But I think we'll have to just see what happens. He just said "This HOH is going to work a little different, so stay tuned!" What does that mean??

Lukas's Announcement - Lukas has decided to put his nominations up to a house vote. That's probably the smartest way for him to mitigate risk from being HOH twice already. I feel even more okay after this because I feel like there are definitely bigger targets in this house than me. I feel pretty safe from nomination this week...

Andy's Realization: After discussing the nomination votes with the Syndicate alliance, Andy brought up a really good point about this Lukas thing. He may be trying to put a smaller target on his back by asking the house who they want out. But really he's gaining a lot of information from everyone about who they want gone. He could figure out what the alliances are based on who answers the same. So, we are going to each put slightly different votes to try to deflect suspicion.

Brooke: Apparently Brooke messaged Cody saying she's going to suggest that I go up because I never reply to her DMs. I want to be upset by this but she's kinda right, I don't really answer her DMs because usually she doesn't say much so I don't have anything meaningful to respond to…

ANDREW

I’m going to start with this. I hated Lukas “google form” on how he’s going to make his decision. Nevertheless, He was “a man of his word” and made his decision based on how the house voted. I’m really surprised with the results. Or am I? 

I got 0 votes, that is wonderful, my under the radar (UTR) strategy is going great. SYNDICATE is my main alliance, but I know it can die. WHATS THE TEA is my spy alliance, I want to keep Brooke close, I trust mandi 100%, she talks straight up, but Brooke is very calculated with her words, I can’t trust her, so I need someone I can trust with someone I don’t, to make them feel comfortable, and when I have the opportunity, strike. LONG CON. FUNFRESHFAB is my underdog alliance, I’m very certain this two girls are alone in the game, and if not, is good to have all wild cards in one room. I like small alliances, right now. With these two alliances. I can pick off at least KAYLA  and DREW. 

More later.. xoxo 🥥 

DESIREE

I keep losing track of if I submitted...sorry if this is a duplicate

Daily Thoughts for Day 12:

I was nominated over Cody...are you freaking kidding meeeeeeeeee? Ugh I'm super annoyed right now. I hope that I'm not the target here. Lukas's HOH strategy is just a mess, and if the intention was to stay without blood on his hands, it really backfired. We see through this strategy and recognize how much information he just collected. I don't know what I'm going to do, though... I just have to try hard for POV. If Austin wins, I wonder if he would use it, and if so on who? I'm guessing he's closer with Kayla than with me, but we do still talk game often...so I don't know..

CODY

Well shit I got put on the block for a second time in this game

And I genuinely don’t have much hope whatsoever that I’ll be saved sadly...I am still trying to scramble however it’s just not likely and I’m at peace with it. It does suck that Drew is gonna get the last laugh on me I really wanted to send that guy home after he screwed me and then went on to alienate himself from me and my people

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 13:

POV Competition: That competition had me majorly stressed. I spent hours preparing and I still didn't do as much as I would have liked. If time was a factor, I'd be screwed. But, overall I think I did okay. My strategy was to try to cut the pool in half with each question.

Pre-POV Results Thoughts: Austin said he would use the POV on me if he wins because he wants to work with me. I'm not sure if he actually will, but if he does win I need to prepare my allies for the possibility of him using it on me, so they don't think I'm doing something sneaky behind my back. I never approached Austin to work with him, but he messages me every day telling me his plans and now wants to help me, so why would I turn that down? I could use that to my advantage and help my allies.

POV Ceremony: I was sooooooo close to winning that POV and that frustrates me a lot. Brooke won, who is buddy buddy with Kayla, so it was obvious that she would take Kayla off the block. My only saving grace is that Cody was the replacement nominee and I think it's pretty obvious that he's a bigger threat than me.

Campaigning For Votes: I have talked to the other members of the Syndicate alliance and they have both agreed to vote Cody out instead of me. Austin also messaged me and said that he is for sure voting Cody and he is pushing for others to do the same. Kayla told me even before the POV ceremony that she would vote for me to stay over Cody if she had the option. I have also heard that Chloe and Katrina are voting out Cody as well. So, if everyone is telling the truth, then I'll be safe. I won't feel safe until the votes are read, though.

FROSBY

So ya with Cody and Desiree up on the Block for this elimination this just fucking sucks for me right now. Like really is the worst for my game. I mean I knew Cody would eventually go, that's why I was keeping him around was to be a vote shield for as long as I could keep him around. Now it looks like he is gone for good which I mean is better than seeing Desiree go, and I mean at this point with how many people voted for Desiree she might just become me and Andrews new vote shield. All I know is Andrew and I were sitting pretty in our 4 man alliance with Cody and Desiree and now this whole vote thing Lukas did really screwed over the Syndicate alliance. The good news is the alliance is designed to be the under the radar players all teaming up and working together without anyone knowing about us. That plan can still work without Cody, it actually might be a lot easier to work without Cody, because if Desiree can slide back into the shadows after this vote us 3 can quietly make a Final 6 if we play our cards right and not make any enemies and I know Andrew is good at not making enemies as for Desiree, seeing 6 different people vote for her in the Lukas poll makes me think she isn't as Under the Radar as I thought.  Oh well we will see how this vote goes, I'm thinking about making a play to just vote against Desiree with Katrina, just to make the vote 9-2 but then both of us just deny it like crazy and act like we have no idea who those 2 votes are and create more chaos in the house that I, Katrina and Andrew can all use to hide under. (again this idea is in the back of my mind but I probably won't do it idk yet, I might feel a little silly when I cast my vote this afternoon so we will see)  

MANDI

i wish we could get the votes to flip again. that would really stir up the house.😂 but only 2 other people are on board with me.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 13:

Smear Campaign: I woke up today to the news that Cody has been running a smear campaign against me. He is telling people that I was the one pushing to vote Kayla out. Meanwhile, Cody was the one who first mentioned targeting Kayla. It seems like they aren't believing the lies, which is great, but I wonder what else he's saying that I haven't heard about...

Eviction: So, the vote was 10-1 and Cody was evicted. Thank goodness. I mean, I figured it would go that way, but you just never know. Before Cody left, he said he was lying about it being his birthday. What a piece of work... Getting to know him he seemed like a good guy, I just wish he didn't play the villain so much.

HOH Competition: That competition was so hard and I need to work on my typing skills. Pretty sure there's no way I'm winning this one.😞 Hopefully one of my other alliance members wins…

WEEK 3 CAST ASSESSMENT 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u39yg_9iHUQ

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[heyhihelloidontusethisanymo-blog]

deh cell phone/social media headcanons (?)

ok so I like rarely post on this blog but I couldn’t stop thinking about like what they’d all be like using their phones and stuff?? idk im tired this is gonna be shitty but less go

jared:

ok but he would def have an ifunny and have like 1834384 followers (or whatever idk how it works but he’d be popular ya know)

and like brag about it  constantly

like “guys I’m like,,, ,, kind of famous not to brag”

(but he would be bragging)

(110%)

ok hear me out,, but he would SO be one of those people who have an android phone and believe that apple products are Spawned From Satan™

like if anyone would be like “haha lol why do u have that crappy phone” he would launch into a fULL ON RANT about how much apple sucks and all the cool stuff on his phone and how much better it is

he would probs have a meme account on insta too tbh

he would have a voicemail that goes “hello?” and trick the person to start talking ya know

and like ten seconds in he would be like “SiKe i’m not here rn hahAAA leave a message”

he would text in all lowercase for sURE

lots of crytyping and excessive commas obvi

uh he would have the highest snapscore (or whatever it’ ever it’s called)

his story would always be sooo long 

all just vids of his day and people doing funny things

he would have 23859320495803 snapchat memories ok

he would just be v funny idk i love him

connor:

connor frekaing murphy okay

just hear me out pls

,he would probably have a tumblr that’s like surprisingly aesthetic?

(idk how to word that but you now what i’m trying to say)

but it would be a Major Secret™ like if someone asked him he would be like “lol tumblr who is that”

his screen on his phone would always be shattered

he wouldn’t really care tho tbh

his insta would probably be like empty except for one picture he posted when he was really young

but after he meets evan he posts a lot more

like really really random candids that most people would just delete

that would be his entire account okay

(also pictures of evan being Cute)

he would most likely always have the second newest iphone

like when everyone had an iphone 7 he would have a 6 know what i mean

ok but 

cmon

he would DEF take so many selfies

and like keep them in his my eyes only on snapchat

he would never post them anywhere but one day he decided to post one on insta and everyone was s h o o k 

and freaked out

im talking like 200 comments

anyway

I just don’t picture him using snapchat that much

i think he would like have a streak with evan and maybe like a 3 day one with jared every once in a while but other than that nothin

his voicemail would be like “u can leave a message but ill probably not listen to it so just text me instead bye”

yeah that’s connor

zoe:

zoe i love her omg

ok 

so she would have an insta and it would have The Best Theme Ever™

it would be v pastel i feel

and there would be a lot of pictures of flowers

and of alana

obvi

she would also post vids of her like playing the guitar and other instruments and they would be so good and get like so many likes

her bio would be something really deep but in french?

like she would probably go on google translate and type in a cool quote and just copy and paste it into her bio tbh 

but it would be so cute and cool

she would have a rose gold iphone

no matter what

it would always be the newest kind

and she would like n e v e r wear a case on her phone 

(except for those clear ones, in which case she would like draw on them or put stickers on)

but her phone would never crack or get scratched

ever

and everyone would be like “????? how???”

she would DEF have a tumblr

she would have a personal blog and then an aesthetic one and like 39483 extra sideblogs

her voicemail would be the typical “hey, it’s zoe! can’t get to the phone right now, pls leave a message!”

she would have had it as one like jared’s before but it probably somehow screwed her over

so she changed it

she would text in all caps a lot i feel

i just love her?? ok??

alana:

guys.

GUYS

i have so many for this girl

she would have a tumblr too

and she would follow every single one of zoe’s blogs

she would SO have a studyblr okay

like she would for sure have a bullet journal 

and have such pretty and high quality pens and highlighters

it would be everyone’s goals

her insta probably doesn’t have a theme tho

I feel like she wouldn’t post often?? ?

but when she would it would either be a long political thing or just a cute pic of zoe

she would have like mostly perfect grammar when she texts

except she would just use like SO MANY question marks

not like?? this??

but it would be like Wow?????????

like that

that made no sense

ok moving on

her voicemail. her voicemail

would be so extra okay

like she would have definetly (that’s not how u spell that ok) have found a way to make it so u have to press the numbers when u call her

like “for work calls, press 1. for family calls, press 2. zoe murphy, press 3.” that type thing

and she would have SO MANY different categories for everyone

people would get annoyed with it and give passive agressive messages sometimes but she wouldn’t care reallu

she loves her organized voicemail

she would def save her own money to buy her phone

but she would like mostly buy the iphone 6

idk why

she just would

SHE WOULD HAVE A SNAPCHAT STREAK WITH EVERYONE. dont fight me on this i know it

i love alana too 

evan:

okay okay okay guys

i saved the best for last

i like,,,, love evan so much ok

what a little bean

anyways

so first of all 

he would probably have the iphone 5s

and it would run out of battery in about .2 seconds

he wouldn’t really care but he feels bad missing his mom’s calls so he’s always asking for a car charger 

his background would be of trees on his lock screen (obvi okay)

but his homescreen would be a pic of connor 

4 sure

of course

and once they’re like “official” his lockscreen would be a pic of them

just bein cute

aw 

ok this is for a different time but id like to mention that i feel like he would have a dog?

moving on

his voicemail would probably be the standard “your call has been transfered to an automated voice messaging system. blah blah blah.”

but jared would be like “dude. u gotta change that.”

so after like 203857 tries he finally just goes

“hithisisevanimnothererightnowpleaseleaveamessage”

(connor would think it’s adorable btw)

his instagram would be adorable

he would probably post every two seconds

he would post a lot of pics of trees

but when becomes closer with alana and zoe and connor he starts posting pics of all them together and like cute blurry selfies

his bio would be like “HI, this is evan! Here are my pictures.”

he would have a snap but not post on it much

like maybe every once in a while

but he would of course have a streak with connor

(probably alana too tbh)

oh i forgot to mention this but he would be terrified to crack his phone

he would have a big clunky case 

(like an off brand otter box but worse)

he would text with perfect grammar

it would be so cute

like “Hello, how are you?”

aaaaa

but when he would get really anxious he would pull up like one of those soothing sounds apps

and put use the apple headphones that you get with the phone in

(he would still have those and never loose them btw)

and he’d just try to breathe and listen

i love this boy so much. so so much. yeah. 

wow this was longer than i expected lol hope u enjoyed that crappy headcanon!

(ps i ended up actually making the pets headcanon so if u wanna see it lmk and i can post it lol)