#(why yes I wrote a follow up to a fic that I didn't fully post here)

[tothefiniteyou]

looking at the time: oh yeah, it's dissection analysis o'clock.

i've talked about how i think leo's view on what it means to be a leader is very misconstrued, but i didn't really go into specifics like i wanted. so here i am, doing just that.

firstly, i'm going to make this generalized enough so that it's not about any particular iteration, though i might put in details that aren't a universal part to leo's character.

i once said that "leo believes the leader is always the one to make the right choices" and by that i mean, the leader has to. he tries to think over his words carefully (there was a post for 2003 pointing out that leo stumbles on his words quite a bit and i love this detail) because he's trying to mimic his idea of a hero. not only is he the one meant to make the decisive calls, but in an imprudent, childish way, i think his ego has also convinced him that the title of leader makes his opinion more valuable djsaklg. he's kind of a funny, bossy older sibling like that.

he's full to the brim with anxiety and worst-case scenarios because he knows real life is dangerous and he is the one in-charge. rise fics have done a lovely job of showcasing the fact that leo struggles to really seem them as a team unless it's convenient for him, but i'd argue all leos (save for a few) are like this. people need to listen to him, because of course the leader knows best! leaders and heroes are synonymous, always saving the day... (...it's why rise leo doesn't think he should be leader-)

i have a little headcanon about his perfectionism that isn't completely relevant to this conversation, but i want to include it regardless. i think some of his perfectionism comes from a place of guilt and just general worries. he doesn't mind training extra or things like that, but i'm not too sure he likes it either. overdoing it can make him feel more reassured, and training better means he can make sure missions go smoother. leaders are the captains, and a captain always goes down with his ship.

anyways, if leadership to him is like being in-charge and having to be a shield, who would he be his ideal image of that to mirror? barring his cartoon heroes, it would be his father. leo has always tried to be like the person he admires most. i don't fully know why, but that makes me Sad. most kids think of their fathers as their heroes, and for all of the turtles, well. he really is one.

being the older child (in most iterations), leo unconsciously places himself on a similar pedestal as his father, copying what he does because he wants to be just like him.

.... for 2003 and 2012, yes. mirage? idw? less so. i just wrote a whole fic on the city at war arc (love me, love my dog) for the original comics that helped inspire this post. constantly leo mentions "growing up" in that arc, following it up by thinking they shouldn't stick within everything their father has taught him. he's leaving his father's shadow - that's what it means to grow up to him.

his brothers will always come before his father, no matter how much he admires him. in 2012, i truly do think leo would try too hard to become a father to his brothers. not only for their sakes, but because he's always been there, copying his father. he's trying to make his father stay by becoming more like him. he won't have to search for him in the walls of their home if he feels like he's right beside him.

^ i love this train of thought for mirage as well because in city at war he's gradually realizing that he doesn't know what he would do without splinter to back up his choices. he's having to think for himself and it's making him think that maybe he isn't as much like his father as he had always tried to be.

no matter the iteration, leo growing up is always becoming his own version of a leader (staring so badly at idw leo). it's a bittersweet thing, but it was a thought that occurred to me after leo returned from training with the ancient one in 2003. splinter already taught him everything, so why wasn't it enough? when will he teach him how to properly protect everyone like he wants to.

splinter is a VERY flawed character in every single iteration, and i think one of the most innocently child-like characteristics of leo is the way he idolizes him.

THATS HIS PAPA (bawling)

there's definitely more i could add to this, but i like leaving some parts unexplored so that people are free to put in their own thoughts :)

[rosieblogstuff]

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44 😲 in my main AO3 account. 2 others in my older account = 46!

I didn't realize I had that many things!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

270,883

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All 44 of those works in my main AO3 are MacGyver 2016. One is a crossover with The Rookie. The other two at Star Trek TOS and Star Wars fics.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Table + Flashlight + IEDs

Mac + (Wilderness + Training + Survival) + Jack

Lost Causes

Lake + Stick + Fever

4 Times the LAPD Didn’t Pull Jack Over + 1 Time They Did 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I often respond to a chapter's comments when I post the next chapter of a longfic. And sometimes I just space on it and respond a year later when I notice I failed to respond.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh definitely my X-ray + Penny flashfic, Bad Penny. Most of the comments are variations on HOW DARE YOU!!!

There are a couple other flashfics with pretty ambiguous endings, too.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That's a hard one. Most of my fics have a happy or at least comforty ending. Maybe... uhh.... Electricity + Combustion ? which I literally labeled "whump with a fluffy ending". I also have two Jack Lives fics so that's always a happy situation at the end...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't. A few weird comments but I mostly scratch my head and ignore them. Anybody who hates on my fics will be getting a very long and nasty reply, followed by their comment being deleted.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope, no smutty fanfics here. I did have a romance I posted for another fandom awhile back (and never finished), and I've written fade-to-black stuff in my orig fic novels.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Just one! My Macgyver 2016+The Rookie cops-vs-spies crossover, in which some LAPD officers keep coming across a black GTO involved in shenangains around LA: 4 Times the LAPD Didn’t Pull Jack Over + 1 Time They Did

It's probably the funniest thing I've ever written, and the ending is one of my very favorites. Also possibly the only gen fic ever posted in The Rookie fandom, although I don't look over there much.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. Somebody stole all my completed fics from FF.net last year. There was a big Tumblr post about some site full of stolen fics, and sure enough, there mine were. I asked to have them remove, got not reply. I haven't posted anything to FF.net since then.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but not for a long time. I used to frequently co-write fics in my first fandom.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm going to go with Washington State Ferry M/V Wenatchee. Who doesn't love a good ferry boat? It's an irconic style, fun if you're walking on, handy if you need to drive on, saves you hours of driving around Puget Sound by land. Also just a very nice-looking ship.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ugh, wow. I have a couple dozen things I kinda like but might never finish. My favorite, and least likely because I've made the least progress on it, is a MacGyver fic about Patti having plotted out her revenge better, and tring to fuck over the team by having listed Jack as her replacement... which of course gives him access to high-level secrets like Oversight's identity. Much drama ensues.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ramping a story up. Characters. Make a story fully story-shaped.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Endings. 😫

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Hmmm I don't think I've ever needed to. Like most things in writing, I'm not against it in theory, but it can be done well or badly.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Anne McCaffrey's Pern, back in the paper fanzine days. Prior to joining AO3 in like 2019, I had 0 fanfics posted on the internet but a few in zines listed on Ebay. 😂

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is IMPOSSIBLE to answer. I could answer it differently every day for the next couple weeks. Anything I already mentions plus a couple more!

[crepesuzette2023]

Your account is honestly such a blessing. I’ve found so many good Mclennon fics because of you it’s actually insane. Now for my ask, what are some good AU Mclennon fics ?

Thank you for asking! I already listed a few AU stories in my overall faves post, e.g., under J/P without the Beatles—but I didn't really focus on fully realized, different-time-different-place-different-everything-AU stories. Here are a few I loved:

in our house we never get bored (@backbenttulips): The Beatles live in a polyamorous marriage à la sedoretu (Ursula LeGuin). Enchanting and enchanted. Soothing.

a great threat (@pauls1967moustache). Yoko is a woman and an artist, and so is Paul. Theirs is the superior battle for John Lennon's apple. A battle for each other, really. I can't overstate how much this works for me. They compete for fame and artistic collaboration, not for anyone's half-hard dick. This feels like the real Paul/Yoko dynamic in many ways.

@saint-mona: You Gave Me the Word. 1958. John is troubled after his mother's death, and befriends Paul, a bookstore owner who shares a past with Julia. Paul and John become friends—and more? Sensual and tender. Younger John & older Paul are good for each other.

snugglesweaters: You Might As Well Arsk: Hilarious, uplifting, and profound epistolary/email modern AU, with excellent (written) supporting turns by Ivan and George. It does take a fucking village.

@dailyhowl: Sleeping Sand, Morning Moon : On the other end of the tonal spectrum, this is a long, dreamy and wintery novella about grieving London playwright Paul and Scottish village eccentric John, and their long, slow way to each other. Set in 1966. Contains a surprising core of Paul & Brian, and very interesting memories of Paul/Ian.

Only a Northern Song (@stonedlennon): 1963, Liverpool: Paul works in a record store (yes, for Mr. Brian), and John is a dock worker and poet. They find each other. A long, long time after reading this, I can still 'hear' the two of them talking to each other.

Thank you @javelinbk for pointing me to and why the sea is boiling hot (madamboogie)—a reincarnation fic set starting in the late 90's. I'm only a few chapters in, but it's interesting and different!

Speaking of: @javelinbk also wrote many great AU's: John and Paul as the two nice men at the flowershop (Double Fantasy), Paul as wealthy business man, and reluctant #1 son, with John as his hot mess driver (The Life of Riley), John and Paul as stepbrothers after Jim gets married to Mimi (Brother Dearest with the follow-up I love even more, because it's melancholy and romantic and complicated, and it has Mike McCartney: Father and Son)—but a recent favorite is Our Version of Events, in which John Lennon is introduced to Beatles fan fiction by May Pang, and has questions for Paul. Set in '71. I love how this one is both an ode to fan fiction and a damn good story (with a non-tropey ending).

I also enjoyed many AU stories by @unchaineddaisychain. For instance: You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (Halloween! Modern AU, Paul is John's boyfriend for the night to stick it to John's ex, very sweet morning after), We are Stardust (Brit Paul and NYer John meet at Woodstock in '69, and it's so fucking romantic), and These Nights (modern AU, slightly jaded rock journalist John unexpectedly spends a night with rising pop star Paul. Cold shower, please!)

[leofrith]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

I wasn't actually tagged by anyone and I would never usually do this but @ainulindaelynn said anyone could consider themselves tagged and this one looked fun so here I am. 🤪

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Five! Four one-shots and one multi-chapter WIP.

2. What is your AO3 word count?

16,451

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Assassin's Creed, formerly (but I'm sure I'll be dragged back into it at some point) Star Wars. I also have a bunch of old WIPs for Pacific Rim and (🤢) the MCU but never completed/published any of them.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I only have five fics posted so:

Hideaway - 147

Bright Skies - 136

Press On, Move Along - 92

Out of the Cold - 35

Honor Bound - 22

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I try to respond to every comment I get, even if it's just a short little acknowledgement. Because I would like people to know I see them and appreciate them so they keep commenting. <3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Press On, Move Along. Everyone died, dude.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hideaway!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! 🤪

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, as of like... three months ago. I have yet to publish any of it though and it'll probably be a long while before I do, but I also have a little one-shot that may be done long before then if I decide to actually finish it. In terms of "what kind" I think it's pretty vanilla. IDK how else to describe it.🧍🏻‍♀️

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not generally, except for the AC Star Wars AU that has taken over my brain. I'm not even sure I would count that as a crossover so much as a fusion AU because there are absolutely no Star Wars characters in it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I'm not positive this person was copying my fic, but I distinctly remember not long after I posted Hideaway coming across a fic with the same premise (Din playing hide and seek with the kids on Sorgan), which followed all the exact same plot beats as mine. And I do mean exactly. Obviously the plot itself is not particularly groundbreaking and I think there are plenty of other similar stories out there, but this one was similar enough to set off alarm bells.

I didn't end up doing anything about it because again, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and it could have easily been a coincidence, but obviously if they had fully reposted my fic then that would be a different story.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Actively written a fic with another person? No. Plotted a fic from start to finish in a months-long series of increasingly deranged DMs? So many times. Hi Parker. :)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Girl... I can't answer this. I don't know about "favourite" but if I had to pick a ship that has made me crazy for the most amount of time, it's probably Mako/Raleigh.

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?

I still think about my post-Mando s2 fix-it fic every once in a while but I honestly doubt I'll ever finish it. Disney has pretty much killed any care I once had for this show and it fucking sucks. :/

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm not even being modest right now I just actually don't know lmao. Anything that I might qualify as a strength isn't consistent enough for me to feel justified in calling it a strength.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Overthinking my use of commas, editing while I write, feeling directionless when I don't do enough planning ahead of time but feeling suffocated when I do too much planning ahead of time. Also just being sooooo fucking slow, but I think that can be attributed to the overthinking.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I avoid it as much as humanly possible. If someone is speaking another language I'll usually just note it in the text somehow or, as has been the case with Honor Bound a lot of the time, purposefully write from the POV of a character who doesn't speak that language which, in addition to conveniently sidestepping that issue, works well as a narrative device.

I just absolutely hate the thought of putting Google translated dialogue in a fic and having a native speaker cringe their way through grammatically incoherent dialogue lmao.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Marvel >:(

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Honor Bound obviously holds a special place in my heart but Out of the Cold is really good. Like really good IMO.

No-pressure tags: @orphiceonian, @aeide, @findusinaweek, @reiverreturns, @basimibnishaqs, ????? anyone else who wants to <3

[shmowder]

ag;asdfjag hello so I stumbled across the "specific fetishes they have with no explanation" post you wrote for the BG3 companions. Can I please request something like that for the Patho characters? Anyone you feel like including.

Sorry to keep bringing up your other blog but my goodness, your anons weren't shy on there XD It's amusing to notice the difference in content and asks between these fandoms. @ pathologic enjoyers where is the horniness!!!! /lh

🐿️ anon

Ah yes that classic post, it started because I wanted to give someone a hand kink and the rest followed along. I like the concept of specific fetishes that aren't explained but are accepted as part of the person nonetheless. Imitating organic sexuality where sometimes people are into things for no apparent reason, why do I think knight armour is so hot? I will never know.

I miss it sometimes, how shamelessly direct anons were in the bg3 with their nsfw requests. Talking with someone who knows exactly what they want is always refreshing.

I enjoyed the different concepts and how conversations about sex and fetishes flowed so seamlessly. They clearly enjoyed what I was writing and were mature about it.

While the Pathologic fandom feels more juvenile? Like a repressed adult going to a sex shop for the first time. The nsfw requests are vague and always written timidly, testing the waters, rushed even. As if I'll just suddenly disappear if they're not the first in line.

It could be the fact x reader content is scarce in this fandom while in bg3 they were plentiful. I knew some bg3 blogs that wrote smut pieces that could make the devil blush, genuinely. It was the extreme bdsm and dark smut i have ever seen, and i loved it.

I'm not complaining, I enjoy both fandoms' unique approaches tbh. I simply match the energy that is given to me, reading between the lines and all. If I notice, the requester is timid, shy, and vague about what they want. I'll go with vanilla and soft, slow sex.

Unless someone directly tells me they want to hear about my thoughts when it comes to Oyun's clear humiliation & degradation kink and life/death play, then I simply keep it to myself.

This blog started as a meme blog after all, didn't it? I just wasn't sure I'll even post pathologic x reader tbh. I wanted a throw-away account to talk about the game in because I didn't want to sully my bg3 account with unrelated fandoms even more. There is no need to wear its corpse and parade it through the square, giving my previous readers hope i might come back only to show it was a different fandom wearing its skin.

I kept that in mind, which is why i tage my x reader works with...well ♧x reader. So the people who are here just for the memes can filter it out.

Compare the notes my memes, character study and plot analysis posts get against my x reader pieces. It's clear who the majority is.

BG3 simply had more people interested in x reader, so it paid off in the long run to focus on it. While here I wouldn't have made it out from under the radar if I hadn't posted any memes, would I? No one searches for pathologic x reader on tumblr because the goddamn tag didn't exist before me.

It doesn't help that at least 70% of people who read this genre are lurkers, as it is natural with fanfics in general but especially anything deemed "cringy" or "taboo". Especially in a fandom whos tries to be taken seriously and seems high-brow to onlookers, yk pathologic.

Take the Hysteria fic, for example. I thought it would set the tone for the rest of the account, yk? but all i got afterwards was fluffy requests, so the balance shifted towards a more romantic style.

Right now, I have been getting more requests and nsfw ones, especially, but it was you who helped break that seal and encouraged other anons to come out because of your interactions and sincerity.

I think it was your nsfw Victor and Yulia requests which offically broke the seal and showed lurkers I am willing to fully dive into smut, that no this isn't a mirage and yes they can requests as many dom Daniil stuff as they want. You would be surprised at how popular that man is in my inbox.

Me personally, I would've simmered down or slowly stopped the x reader pieces if someone didn't come along to show interest in my work. I already have the whole world and works in my brain, I can just keep it there for eternity.

The fun in writing requests are the requestors themselves, the lively discussions, the passion, and happiness. The sweet kind words afterwards, waiting to see their reaction to something I've poured my heart and perverted mind into.

I planned on writing many more ship fics for pathologic, but Lingum Vitea was left in the dust so I decided against sharing my ship writing with these people anymore. Petty? yeah, but it is my own writing at the end of the day.

That's why I enjoy posing on tumblr, the interactions, the anons. It truly feels like you're part of a community, which is what fanfics were about before. Hell, it was what all fandoms were about before, remember when artists received anons discussing their vision and inspiration?

Now it's radio silence on AO3, or maybe my style specifically didn't click with them? I don't like multie chaptered works, I get bored of ideas easily and I can tell a whole story in less than 3k words.

Either way.

Be unhinged if you want, or don't. You can do whatever you want for eternity. This is for any person currently reading this and not just you squirrel anon. I don't lose anything by your shyness at the end of the day, but you certainly do.

The chances you might miss on, the opportunities, the self-acceptance and fullfillment. Let those 13 layers of irony melt away, we can be mature again sex and fetishes, we are adults after all, aren't we?

God, I hate the fact I had to tag my sub/dom post with ♧crack just so people take it as a light-hearted "lol im so crazy" moment. And they did, rather than start a genuine discussion about their role placement or how being dom/sub relieves stress and many other things.

I don't actually feel that strongly about any of this, I'm just frustrated about certain life events rn and it's easier to take my emotions out on this trival matter.

I have to go to a funeral today, I saved a draft of your request. I'll write it when I have the energy, I hope you do enjoy my bg3 writing in the meanwhile. And do leave a comment there or something if you do, just because I wrote it in the past doesn't mean I don't care about it anymore. I still check the bg3 blog notes and it is sad how people just like or reblog things without any comments because the author isn't actively posting anymore, it is borderline insulting.

Good thing I don't care about this, right?

[randaccidents]

Panphobia (unfinished)

Seeing @mine-sara-sp active reminded me that I have literally NEVER finished that companion fic for Was It Worth It. Frankly I don't think I can finish it? Hermitcraft s6 was really really long ago and I don't remember the events of that season anymore + I fell off of Hermitcraft due to school.

That doesn't mean I can't post what I did write 4 years ago for the redstone update dream! Quick sparknotes of my plans:

I didn't want Doc to be a generic "oh no he's violent and aggressive booo" thing, so I wrote him as becoming paranoid instead! Still allows him to be violent but adds a layer of psychological buildup and struggle

It was going to follow similar events to Was It Worth It and include Doc's reactions this time

This includes stuff like discovering the Stock Exchange had been gutted, and trying to mine more redstone, and having those events just fuel the paranoia more

Yes the paranoia is absolutely the excuse I have for fics where Doc attacks Grian

Since Was It Worth It deliberately became REALLY FOGGY about time towards the end, I was going to add a general timeline. I think? The idea was that it took a week for Doc to realize and then panic about Ren's disappearance, Xisuma would teleport them both and TFC (last to see Ren) to Ren's location, and then Ren takes a month? or two? to fully recover

Specifically Ren is the last to recover because he's a stubborn dog man and actually hid A LOT of redstone in his time mining across both spawn and 1.14 lands, and is additionally too stubborn to tell anyone where the redstone was (duty bound dog man please) so Doc has to deal with watching Grian and Scar recover while his man is still unconscious in bed. Not fun for him

ehhh I think that's most of what was planned before shit happened and I fell off? yeah it is ANGSTY

But all I managed to write was a very short beginning portion and I wanted to post it anyways so here you go!

Redstone update dream AU belongs to @mine-sara-sp, recommended to read Was It Worth It first (a lot worse in tws btw)

TWs: intrusive thoughts, paranoia

----------------------------

It started small, like everything did.

What if you misplaced the plans for the pillager farm?

That particular thought sent him into a flurry of limbs as he tore through his current home-hole. His thoughts whispered traitorous words, that he had left it on a ledge, the wind must've taken it, blew it into a lava lake, and he'd have to write his plans all over again. That he wouldn't remember the entirety of the design and that his plans were now ruined for good.

It was a great weight off his shoulders when he found the plans folded safely in his chest monster, right where he had left it.

Did you leave it there in the first place? Are you sure?

He sighed, picking up the piece of paper and unfolding it, revealing his grand plans.

It's so easy to tear paper with those claws of yours.

He decided it would be better to commit his plans into a book. Or maybe two or three. Just in case.

------------------

The whispers didn't stop there.

He's hiding something. He probably stole something of yours again.

He narrowed his one working eye, his other cybernetic one flashing red in his paranoia. Grian shuffled under his scrutiny, giving him a mischievous little grin. "What's up Doc?"

That shuffle, he's hiding something. It has nothing to do with how hard you are glaring at the prankster, red eye ominously hard.

“What’s up?” he rumbled lowly, the words echoing in his chest. “What’s up?”

The pesky bird held up his hands in surrender, taking a step back. He’s hiding something. “Woah, calm down, it’s just a greeting man! When were you so uptight? Well, not counting Area 77 and all that...”

He growled, cutting off the sky-loving man before he could ramble the day away. He would ramble the day away, wasting your time. “Why are you here.” The sentence was more a demand than a question, his patience worn thin from the whispering shadows around.

“C’mon man, can’t a hermit just want to check in on another hermit?”

(unfinished rest of fic)

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hello there! I think I’m one of those peeps who appears to have just randomly ended up here bc my blog is many things, but it is not primarily a kotlc blog, and I show up and like your posts once in a blue moon - I’ve been lurking in the fandom tags for months (and whenever I’m in a lurking phase I’m always hesitant to like or rb things because anxiety is mean) after not really interacting with keeper fandoms for years (I think your analyses were some of the first posts I came across when I was rereading the series) and seeing other people post about my gay elf blorbos is so wonderful :)

Also, getting to the point here - I stayed up past 2 AM reading your fic because it was just. Anskdkfjdklsjf. Incredible. The stars-space-dark-light and finding each other motifs were so poignant and TIERTICE PROPOSAL (especially Prentice being the one to initiate affection and reminiscing and everything because Tiergan is so scared of getting so close just to lose him again and just. Oh my god the tenderness) and Tam rescuing Wylie from the light and them becoming brothers (brothers!!!!) and Linh and Rayni making amends and FAMILY and love and I absolutely love your writing style and this is just sleep deprived gushing but tldr: your blog and writing are wonderful and I hope this doesn’t come off as too weird! -🐳 (not sure if you already have a whale anon?)

Hello! I do not have a whale anon yet! Lurkers and not quite involved people are wonderful, it's so cool to see people who enjoy the same things I do even if you haven't made it practically your entire personality online. I'd put you in the "kinda unexpected but understandable" category, where I wouldn't peg the blog as a kotlc blog but they're involved in enough middle grade/ya fandoms that I can assume they partake in keeper casually.

There's just also this other category of "unexpected and I don't fully understand why you're here." This happens with like poetry and art aesthetic blogs run by adults, where they don't seem like someone who'd read keeper? And that's why most people follow me? But who am I to know their interests? So it perplexes me sometimes. I assume it's gotta do with my popular sibling post or something

But! back to your point! I am so sorry you stayed up late but also so flattered by that at the same time? wdym my silly little fic was worth losing sleep over? that does mean you got to read the fic at the same time the fic was set at though! I think that's fun.

Thank you for all the compliments!! i love the consistency the different motifs bring to each story, it feels like they're all intertwined in a deeper way. Like they're all on similar wavelengths in ways they can't even recognize but we can from the outside. It's so satisfying to write.

And the tiertice proposal! now they can be true antenna husbands <33. Was nervous to write their dynamic because I will be honest, I did absolutely all of it from memory and that memory was not very strong. Did not really pay attention to them at all when reading. And then when I realized "hey I didn't pay attention to them at all maybe I should double check what their dynamic is" I was too far into it and decided no we're winging it. If I just make this really good people will be too busy screaming to notice if they're out of character. I'm very glad I went ahead with my idea to add it (a proposal was NOWHERE in the original plan) because everyone seems to enjoy it if not find it absolutely adorable.

Yes!! Tam rescuing Wylie from the light! I hadn't even realized at first the meaning that could be found in that, I wrote it and only later realized that Wylie had been trying to get away from the light about found comfort in Tam, a shade. But I think it's an interesting comment on the importance of family to the two of them and the bond they've fostered, how something that can be seen as so threatening (all the things in the dark) can be utterly meaningless when it comes to someone you love. They're brothers and fiercely love each other, and it transcends expectations and social norms and they do it so casually. They fell into that life together, and I am. Endlessly fascinated by them.

Then there's Linh and Rayni!! Full disclosure I wasn't a huge Rayni fan going into this fic (she was fine, but I had more appreciation for her when she was Glimmer), but she grew on me. I admire how unapologetic she is, how thoroughly she's cast off her care for what other people think. I'm working towards being like that, but am not nearly as casual about it as she is. That whole section was an experiment with them

and don't worry, none of this comes off as weird at all! I think a lot of people fear they're weirder than they are, and if they are weird they should embrace it more :). I'm absolutely flattered you like my writing style though, so lucky for you I have no intention of stopping writing. Telling stories is so fulfilling I have zero desire to stop! so thank you for the encouragement, which I will use as writing fuel whenever I start up my next project (which is the dialogue prompts, but breaks about to be over and I just wrote that other fic so I'm chilling atm)

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Creativitwins - Talking in the Garden

Following on from ‘Helplessly in Love’, Roman and Remus have a serious conversation about Remus’ motives and the topic of love as a whole.

Word Count: 1,771

(if you ship the twins, I’ll throw a frisbee at you)

-

Roman paced back and forth across the walled garden. This quiet place was considered the most obvious ‘neutral zone’ in the realm of the Imagination both siblings resided over. It was neither overly inspired by fairy tales, nor overrun by monsters and decay, making it the perfect harmony between both halves of Creativity. Playing the role of a Secret Garden, it granted the other Sides an entry into the Imagination without the fear of getting too lost on either side. To the left, there were elegant red rose bushes, trees with ripe and delicious fruit, and wooden frames helping clematis plants climb high overhead and guide you to the elegantly carved maple door. On the right, the grass turned darker. The path was lined with weeds and venus flytraps that would gladly snap at ankles that stepped too close. The trees were barren, yet birds would regularly perch on the branches. Poison ivy climbed the wall surrounding the walnut door with identical carvings to the opposite door. In the middle, a large pond housed a variety of colourful koi and piranha that cohabit the waters peacefully. In the open court between the two doors were two stone stools. When the twins would squabble in their younger days, they would eventually meet here and claim a seat to talk through the problem. It was something that rang true to this day.

After recent events had calmed down, Patton had taken the time during one of their tea parties to fill Roman in on events leading up to the group appearing in his room with Remus of all Sides. Not only that, Remus applied a ‘what would Roman do’ approach. No tricks, no attempts to make Thomas feel worse about matters… It was all rather strange.

“I’m going to have to call him eventually,” Roman muttered, tightly folding his arms as he lapped the pond for the third time. “Talking to myself about it isn’t going to give me answers, and I know I can’t leave this be… Ugh!” He forced himself to stop walking with a firm stomp of his foot. “Remus! Get to the garden now!”

-

The dark door draped in ivy was pushed open to reveal a rather confused Duke. It slammed shut behind him once he was in the garden, leaving the pair in silence for several long seconds.

“While I am one to gladly talk through problems, I don’t know what I did this time.” One of Remus’ traits was honesty, after all, and he had been trying to keep out of the way of the other Sides in recent times.

“No, I know. Nothing’s wrong. I just… I need to talk, okay? This is neutral territory so it’s not gonna make either of us feel out of place, or something.” Roman slumped onto one of the stone stools, hands interlocked to hide potential fidgeting. “I’ve been thinking about what you did recently - when you brought everyone to my room like that. Patton told me what happened… Why did you do it?”

“I told you already. Thomas needed the ‘love expert’, and he trusts you a heck of a lot more than he does me. No one else could get to your room too easily without you, so I was the only option left.”

“But you didn’t try anything. You didn’t hurt Thomas, or ruin the excitement. That would’ve been the perfect chance without me blocking you.” It seemed Thomas had kept his word and didn’t tell Roman about Remus’ good intentions. However, it came at the price of the topic pestering Roman once the excitement of love had faded enough to focus on other matters. “The first time you met Thomas, you wanted to hurt him. Why not now?”

“It’s really not as deep as you’re trying to make it out to be. Thomas needed you, I could help! It was for the greater good for Thomas, really.”

“You could have taken my place! It’s what you always say you’d do. ‘I’m Creativity too. I should be listened to as well’!” Roman’s impression of Remus was emphasised by a wave of his right hand, just like how his brother would do it. “You know about love, just like me. You could have given him advice and taken all the credit -”

“No I don’t.”

“- and showed… What?” Remus’ blunt interruption had Roman’s rambling screech to a halt. He gawked up at his brother with a wide-eyed, puzzled expression. In the pause that followed, Remus made his way to the other stone stool and sat on it. Compared to his brother, Remus was slouched forward with his arms resting on both knees.

“I don’t know about love. I never have.” Why beat around the bush with this? “Sure, I know what it means and what happens when people fall in love, but I can’t talk about it as you could. I don’t have the same desire to fall in love with someone, so why should I be the one trying to tell Thomas how to declare his feelings?”

“You… Don’t know about love?” Roman felt like he had been slapped in the face. Guilt bubbled in his stomach. All this time, did Remus lack any sort of positive relationship with anyone? 

“I did have friends once, you know. I have ‘loved’ platonically,” Remus scoffed. “But this whole ‘one true love’ or ‘wanting a boyfriend’ stuff you’re always on about… That isn’t what I’ve felt about anyone. I never brought it up when we were younger because I thought it wasn’t necessary, or that maybe I’d be proven when I found the guy of my dreams.” He let out a sigh with a quirked eyebrow when he noticed his brother’s reaction to this. “Oh, don’t act like I told you a shark chewed off my leg. It’s not that big of a deal. I could give advice, but it would be an outsider looking in. Since Thomas needed personal experience and better insight, he needed you. We always did say you were the one who could inspire others. I’d never be able to do that for love. But you could, and you did!” Roman has always been the hero. That’s why he was the favoured twin.

“... I’m sorry I never considered your feelings.” Roman’s voice was low as the pity stayed on his face. “All those times I tried to set you up with denizens in the Imagination when we were younger as part of our stories, all those times you’d side-step or find an excuse to worm out of it… I must have made you feel so uncomfortable.”

“Ah, ah, ah. Don’t start that. I’m not angry. This isn’t something to guilt you over. You didn’t know, and I didn’t understand. I only learned that being Aromantic was a ‘thing’ when Thomas was learning about all the LBGT strands and worrying about them all in case he offended someone.” At last, Remus’ confidence in the matter seemed to falter a little as he added, “It was a relief knowing I wasn’t completely ‘broken’.”

“You aren’t ‘broken’.” Roman blurted, hoping to stop whatever dark thoughts were bubbling in Remus’ mind. “You’re you. And while I might not like who you are, that… Doesn’t make you the worst.” The last part was admitted as a reluctant grumble. “Me wanting to fall in love doesn’t mean you’re wrong not feeling anything about it. Just like me not wanting any involvement in your sexual opinions on guys I thought were cute doesn’t mean I’m wrong either.”  Now it was Remus’ turn to look surprised once the penny dropped.

“You’re Ace?”

“I guess we both had something to learn today, huh? Not that this was why I called you here.” Maybe it was the magic of the garden, where the feud was left outside the walls and the brothers could simply talk. It allowed Roman to swallow some of his pride on the original matter. “Thank you. For, you know, not using it as a chance to take my place.”

“What can I say? I make a terrible Roman impersonator. Just like when the day comes that Thomas needs my help, you’d make a terrible Remus!” The darker Creativity twin grinned in anticipation. Roman was quick to take the bait with a cocky laugh.

“Oh please. We both know Thomas isn’t gonna resort to using your ideas.”

“This Hallowe’en might be the year. There’s gonna be a full moon this year too. He’d be a fool not to do something terrifying!” Hey, maybe Remus could try and get back in contact with Virgil to get him on the Duke’s side!

“Not a chance! I’ll get him to work on an epic, fantastical tribute to ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’! There’s a simply wonderful suit of an alternate costume that Thomas would look marvellous in!” Fuelled with passion, Roman sprung to his feet with a triumphant laugh.

“And he could try to persuade the cutie to dress as a Sally-inspired character?”

“Why would I… Wait, that’s - that’s not a bad idea.”

“Especially if he gets to wear something short and scandalous~”

“Aaand there goes that little bubble of respect. Good going.” Roman waved a dismissive hand as Remus cackled. “Look, I’m sorry that I was surprised you didn’t wanna hurt Thomas, but don’t ruin this for him, okay?”

“I had no intention to do so. Thomas deserves to be happy, right? There’s plenty of other chances to jump in and have fun! Can’t be too predictable, dear brother, especially when you have the upper hand on the topic!” Now Remus pulled himself onto his feet and turned on the ball of his foot to face his door. “Until next time -”

“Wait!” Roman needed to have the last word. He couldn’t leave like this. “You… You did a good job. Thank you for helping Thomas when I couldn’t.” A gust of wind picked up, briefly obscuring Remus’ vision with rose petals. When the breeze died down, the Prince was gone. Once he realised he was alone in the walled garden, Remus walked to the door to his part of the Imagination, only to pause.

A black rose had blossomed on his side of the garden, thriving despite the weeds that should have suffocated it. He had considered plucking it and taking it with him as a memento… But why kill it? Instead, he knelt down to gently brush his thumb against a thorn.

The black rose amongst weeds was like him with the other Sides - the oddity that shouldn’t exist. Yet they both do in spite of exceptions. In time, maybe both would prosper in their own way.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Couples race

Masterlist

Summary: henry wants to race, but you dont run.

Warnings: swearing, fluff, pouting puppy henry

A/n: so yesterday i have to manually copy and paste every single thing i wrote into new documents becuase Microsoft was corrupting all my files. But i found a few old comments ect that i have been meaning to post, sp thats what im doj g today 😁🥰😘 i hope you enjoy

Taglist:@thatgirly81 @isitmine @tinabean37 @loserrlauraa @henrythickcavill @plainbrunettelbl @dummiesshort @cynic-spirit @pandaxnienke @two-unbeatable-beaters @libbymouse @wolfieash @eldarwen333 @mom2000aggie @kebabgirl67 @luclittlepond @beck07990 @watercoolerpaint @sofiebstar @secretlywriting @mansaaay @summersong69 @utterlyhopeful-fics @hisangelicdemon @moonlacebeam @monkeyluver4546 @cherry-piee @justanerd1 @mcenziehughes @omgkatinka @paintballkid711 @mary-ann84 @wetzilly @lyrarodriguez @viking-raider @cheeseman @littlefreya @inlovewithhisblueeyes @blakerogue @nuggsmum @pussyverson @angryschnauzer @captainsy-cookiemonster @wolvesandhoundshowltogether @thelastsock @the-soot-sprite

Henry followed you pouting holding out the small poster

"come on babe we can do this one together!" he whined staying two steps behind you as you hung the laundry over the banister on the landing.

"No Henry I don’t run, this is another one of your tricks to get me running with you, i am not a runner! I don't even run for busses" you snipped back at him avoiding his lethal puppy eyes. He pouted and mewled quietly.

"But you don't have to run you just have to hold on" he added waving the paper about. What? A race with no running?

"Come on babe I’ve waited years to give this a go but its only for married couples!" You sighed throwing his shirt back into the basket with a huff eyeing him critically.

"What? No running? A race with no running?" He smiled and nodded grinning seeing that he was winning you over.

"Nope! No running I run! But I have to carry you, its the wife carry race!" You squinted at him and fully faced him crossing your arms.

"So let me get this straight all I have to do is be carried by you across a field or what ever?" He nodded happily seeing he was getting his way.

"Yes! Yes that’s all, no training or running or anything I just scoop you up and run! Please please it will make me so happy" You eyed him and turned picking the shirt back up and placing it over the banister again.

"Fine I suppose that doesn't sound to bad" you muttered no idea what you were getting yourself into.

"So you'll do it!?" He almost jumped for joy.

"Yes yes I'll do your stupid race now go" you waved him off trying to get him out the way so you could finish hanging the laundry.

"Great thank you babe I’ll got order your helmet~" he said before padding away quickly. You froze helmet? You threw the laundry back down and began calling out to henry.

"Wait my what? Henry why do I need a fucking helmet!?-oi don’t you ignore me! HENRY!" You moved following him when he didn't answer simply laughed out loud as he moved down the stairs.

It was then you finally spied the little poster he'd been waving.

"Oh hell no! HENRY NO! I TAKE IT BACK IM NOT DOING IT! HEN!?" You called out only to get more laughter in return and then a yell from the kitchen.

"NO TAKE BACKS! YOU AGREED!" You growled and looked to the paper again. Holy shit why didnt you look it up before agreeing.

[aquilacalvitium]

Hello!!! I’ve been trying to find you for weeks! I noticed you like Black Veil Brides a while back and decided to try listening to them again. I used to listen to them back in high school, and when I tried them again I promptly hyperfixated and now I’ve been listening to almost nothing but The Phantom Tomorrow album for like...a month lol. Also bought two entire albums over a weekend. Only problem was I couldn’t remember which of the people I followed had started the whole thing...but I finally found you just now! So 1) thank you for getting me back into BVB, unintentional though it may have been, and 2) please tell me anything you want about BVB. Literally anything. Take this as an opportunity to infodump if you’d like. There’s definitely a lot I don’t know!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM BOI (gender neutral) you don't know how happy these words make me!!!

So firstly hi hello I'm SO HAPPY I got you back into BVB!! Also you probably sent this to my BVB side blog so yeah this is my main account :3

WHERE. TO. BEGIN???

Well I, like you, first listened to them in high school then stopped for several years before diving head-first in and playing their music on repeat for months! I remember there were just a select few I listened to at first including Fallen Angels, In The End and one or two others. I also found Wake Up in college when they uploaded the music video close to my birthday and I played that on repeat for weeks. THEN FINALLY I went all in, bought all of their music and ever since about 80-90% of what I listen to has been BVB! I'm even considering getting a couple of BVB tattoos 👀

BUT when someone asks me to talk about BVB, the main thing I want to talk about is Legion of the Black, and judging by your ask you haven't been deep into the BVB fandom for super long so this Legion of the Black (LotB) may have slipped under your radar. Allow me to clarify!

In 2013, BVB released Wretched and Divine (WaD), their third album (and my favourite). Along with the album, they also released LotB, a film that's basically just a feature-length music video. The film includes every single track from the album (yes even the transmissions) in a different order to how they're listed in WaD because they tell a story! I won't spoil what the story is and if you want to watch it, I found the full version on youtube for you! You can also buy Wretched and Divine Ultimate Edition which includes both the CD and DVD, or Deluxe Edition which has all that PLUS Behind the Scenes footage!

Watching LotB will also shed some light on the Born Again music video that they released today 👀👀👀

And one last thing to bore you with, I wrote a non-smut, fully completed fanfiction about LotB! It's an OC-insert and the main character is nonbinary. The story is actually pretty dark as the main character goes through a heavy bout of depression and everything that comes with it, but all content warnings are listed in the fic description and at the beginnings of each chapter, that way you can skip specific chapters that include things you don't like and still read the rest. I'm also working up the energy to add a synopsis to each chapter for those who skipped but still want to know what happened. I'm just lazy 😅

And because Ashley was present at the time LotB was released, but I wrote it after Lonny joined, I found a way to keep both of them in.

Oh and if you didn't know, Ashley Purdy the bassist left the band in 2019 and his spot was soon taken by Lonny Eagleton. There are rumours going around about why Ashley left, some are quite mean, but people tend to do that when someone they like changes career paths or leaves a group or whatever so I don't know how true they are.

I'm also slowly writing an essay of sorts on the history of the band and it's individual members, but it's not yet complete and idk where/if I'll post it when it is because it's not exactly the kind of writing I can post on AO3

ANYWAY that's about all the infodumping for now! But by all means feel free to ask me anything, I can almost guarantee I'll have an answer 😋 (special interest my beloved)

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

[dragonindigo245]

Paper Stars (Sanders Sides AU)

Hey so this is one of my few fanfics I wrote. It’s admittedly not great but after @fangirltothefullest made a story description for an AU... I just wanted to do something. I hope it’s alright! ^^

Wattpad version: https://my.w.tt/oXfIWECDpY

Post this was based off of: https://fangirltothefullest.tumblr.com/post/186271732555/paper-stars-for-the-fic-titles

Warnings: Lil bit depressing but otherwise it’s completely fine!

Word count: 1555

Tag: @theitalianalchemist

11:03pm January 14th

The desk clocks time was two minutes behind but it was close enough. Patton sat up from his bed and sighed. He couldn't sleep knowing this would be his last day in the orphanage. It was a pretty crappy orphanage but 12 years of memories really makes you nostalgic of the few good times. Patton stared at his jar on the same end table as the clock. It was half full with little blue colored stars he made. Each of them made to symbolize a wish, a dream, a hope that he wanted. None of them had ever come true for him. Patton sighed and grabbed the jar before making his way out of his room.

  He swiftly went up to the top floor and came to a ladder as well as a latch that lead to the roof. Patton climbed up and sat on the roof like he often did when sleep was absent. It was a surprisingly cold night for Florida and the sky was open. Patton hugged his jar close.

  17 years old, going on 18. Hard to believe. Getting to go make a living for himself. Course he had no job, or money, or a place to stay or food, let alone any plan whatsoever, but at least he could get out of this place... right?

Forget it.

  Patton had lived his whole life being optimistic. He didn't know how he could possibly be anymore. He was done, going to spend his life on the streets, dive in the dumpster for a meal, beg on the streets forever. Patton stood up and gripped his jar. Was he angry? Sad? Scared? Confused? Maybe all of those. He couldn't tell but he didn't care. Wishes get you nowhere. All they do is build false hope for you to get hurt from.

  Patton looked at the jar in his hand while standing back up. So much for this. Spent his life making stupid paper shapes. He held the jar up high and threw it as hard as he could onto the roof, breaking the glass and sending stars flying. He turned away from the broken remains with his eyes welling up with water.

Patton remembered the days when he was happy still. Those stars he learned to make when he was five and still with a family. He remembered the skill all the way into the orphanage. His little brain remembering the fairytales about people wishing on stars, he would make his own and wish on them. Eventually he had so much he could fill a jar, then five, then a dozen. No matter how hard he wished, no dream came true. At 15 he started giving the stars away to little kids, telling them to wish upon its papery cover and it will come true. He gave away all his stars except that half empty jar. Those stars bringing joy for a few moments... it was comforting when he made them. He would be comforted when the kids faces lit up. Hope was destructive, but it's comforting anyways.

Patton realized he made a mistake. He turned around to find the stars all blowing away off the roof. He ran after them panicked, yelling, "No wait! Please! It's all I have left!" The wind doesn't answer to anyone though and they all flew away, leaving Patton in tears. He finally let the warm drops fall down his face. Stupid. Shouldn't have gotten so angry. A tear fell off his face and landed on something that sounded like... paper? Patton looked down to see a single little star, dark blue with light blue stripes, trapped under his foot. He moved his foot and picked it up. Pat flashed a smile before sitting down and holding it close to his chest.

  It was stupid but he began to wish on it. In a soft voice he pleaded, "Please... I wish... I wish that if I can't be happy, I want to make others happy. I know none of my wishes come true but... please..." His voice cracked at the last word. The tears blurred his vision and he began to fully sob. He put a hand over his mouth to muffle it even though nobody could hear it. It was instinct for him. He cried for a good long while before he heard a warm and comforting voice speak to him.

"Hey... it's alright buddy... just breathe."

  Patton jumped and looked up. There was a pale, almost white, figure crouched to his level in front of him. They had purple hair and a patched black and purple hoodie. Their face had eye shadow under their eyes and showed empathy. Strange Patton didn't hear them sooner. He wiped one of his eyes and tried to talk normally despite it coming out shakily. "S-sorry I didn't hear you come onto the roof. Who are you?"

  The pale man shrugged and sat down next to Patton. "People call me Anxiety cause of how I suddenly appear without warning. Feel free to call me whatever." Patton sniffled and stared confused at him. "Anxiety? Well that's not a nice name exactly. Don't you have a name your parents gave you?" Anxiety shook his head. "Nope. Don't got parents. Didn't bother to name myself really." Patton sighed and stared up at the stars for a second. "Remy... no... how about I call you Virgil?" Virgil nodded. "Sure I like that one. Don't mind you calling me that." Patton smiles and looks at him. "I take it you're an orphan then."

"Not exactly."

"You have a family then?"

"Nope. I'm not really family material."

"Why's that?"

"I'm an astral being I suppose. Not god level but born with a star."

Patton raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to believe that? That's impossible." "Impossible? No. Unlikely? Yes." Virgil took Pattons blue paper star from his hoodie pocket and held it up to him, who in response gasped and looked down at his hands to find the star truly was gone. "Hey! Give it back!" Virgil smiled. "Fine take it back if you don't want your wish that is." Patton stopped and stared at Virgil in slight shock. No way he could know about that. Virgil turned the star over and in his hands. "Thought so. Anyways I'm here to grant your wish buddy. Lucky you! You wanna help others and I know just the thing to help you. However you have some terms and conditions. One, You have to trust me. My magic only works when you have faith in me. If you don't trust me my magic is unable to come to you. Two, you have to swear to use what my magic conjures only for good. I don't help selfish people. Three, you have to pay me. Say I think this star will be nice payment. So how about it Pat? You willing to make your wi-" "Yes! Yes please!"

  Patton put a hand over his mouth. "Ah... sorry... didn't mean to... got over excited." Virgil waved him away. "Eh don't worry about it. Isn't like this is a run of the mill offer. Comes around once a lifetime you know. So anyways, I got a plan. I'll allow you to feel others emotions. Just by looking at a person you'll know what their feeling. You can help people who are feeling negatively to cheer up. Could be sitting and talking to them or offering them something. Even if you're not content, you can cheer others up." Patton's eyes lit up. "Alright! You wanted me to follow your rules in exchange right?" Virgil nodded in response and stretched out his hand. "If you're sure you want it, shake my hand to seal the deal."

  Patton didn't think twice before taking Virgil's hand into his own and shaking it. Pats star flew out of Virgil's other hand and glowed a bright blue. The star becoming specks of light that flew around Patton before going inside his body. The world suddenly seemed to become darker besides Virgil who seemed to be brighter? Slightly glowing. Patton instantly knew Virgil was anxious and happy at the same time, like it was a normal thing to simply know ones emotions. As natural as knowing up and down. His face filled with wonder and he felt happy. It was subtle happiness but it felt good finally being truly happy. Virgil snickered and he was less on edge. "Well you certainly perked up." Patton nodded and clenched his fists excitedly. "Yeah! This is so cool! You really are amazing Virgil! I don't know how I can possibly repay you! I mean the stars gone so really I didn't pay you." Virgil smiled softly and put a hand on Patton's shoulder. "You already have. Your believing in me. Nobody's done that before."

  They sat together the rest of the night, watching the sun come up on Patton's 18th birthday. Once the orange had faded completely from the sky Patton stood up and walked over to the latch. "Hey Virg... you thinking of staying here a little longer? Not on the roof but um... on Earth. I would like to have some company and maybe... we could be friends?" Virgil smiled and nodded. "Sure! You gotta teach me how to make those paper stars after all!"