#* HE IS SOOO annoying but ppl wanna ignore that??

[eatend]

⸻ maybe I should keep dropping hot takes , maybe i can get perma blocked by Laios wanters. In all seriousness though ! I do have a lot of disagreement with fanon collective hc ╱ view on him.

⇢ laios likes women, laios likes women, laios likes women ⇢ laios has a weird crush on marcille ! ⇢ laios has no trauma that made him dislike humanity, he just is ⇢ laios parents aren't even that bad they were just regular ass parents that needed laios to be normal for ONE second ( dead ass his nightmare is getting a proper job and getting a proper family. ) ⇢ laios was wrong for that toushiro name incident ⇢ his autism / mental illness is not an excuse for his offensive and awful treatment of people's boundaries ⇢ his family were pretty well off, laios is a privilege white man ⇢ he was a shit brother and a terrible friend.

[0anonnymouslyours0]

a request!! i loved the scene where Spencer is giving a class and he finds out that ppl are auditing his class, and there’s a couple of girls who are kinda flirty with him

i would love a scene where his gf joins the class and sits in the back without Spencer noticing her at first, but then he does and idk maybe he can’t focus on the class because to him she’s sooo distracting. (preferably with smut at the end because i absolutely adore the way you write smut)

sure lovely! sorry this was like months overdue...

sex obvs +18

your slouched down in the very back, a questionably short skirt and half unbuttoned blouse on. spencers favourite. you haven't bothered to take out a notebook, or a laptop, to even pretend you might actually be here to learn. instead, your eyes watch spencer, only darting away when he looks up in your general direction. he looks good. very very good. dishevelled hair, which you know is partially from your morning activities, well structured navy suit. long fingers gripping the marker-

a cough bubbles in your throat, just as hes writing on the board and the class is silent. he turns in your direction, eyes widening when he spots you. smiling, you give him a teasing wave.

"right, err- so just copy this." hes frazzled now, gesturing at the board quickly and messing with his papers.

your phone buzzes.

"what are you doing?" you smile at the directness of it.

"just listening in."

he begins typing, but stops, looking up at you, eyes glancing up and down. clearing his throat, he puts his phone down.

"once your done taking notes, you can leave. these will be important for your exams so make sure you write this down."

students begin to scatter, and an suspiciously long line of girls form in front of his desk.

you get up, moving to his desk and skipping the line, ignoring the annoyed looks of the girls.

"so professor-" you cut the girl off, swinging around the corner of the desk and perching on his knee.

"oh. hi." he says, dazed at your sudden position.

"hi baby." you peck a kiss to his cheek, before getting up and standing behind him. eyeing the line of girls who are watching you.

"anymore questions?" he asks, distracted by your hand creeping down his chest from behind.

"no." the group grumbles, heading out the door.

it closes with a slam.

you turn spencers chair around. swinging your legs onto his lap.

"fuck." he breathes, taking in your thighs wrapped around his, and your little plaid skirt, and bra peeking out of your blouse.

"hey spence." you say, pecking kisses along his tilted neck.

"thought id come visit you."

"uh-huh." he stammers.

"but you just looked so good up there, so fucking hot." your hands unbutton his shirt, jacket already discarded on the ground.

"the door, its unlocked." he says, eyes blown at the sight of you.

you huff, climbing off his lap and quickly looking it. shedding your blouse, you walk back and sink to your knees in front of him.

"god-" he whispers, and you unzip his pants, shuffling them down.

"what did i do to deserve this?" his hands reach up to your hair, tugging it into a ponytail.

"did so good in your lesson baby, wanna treat you." you palm him through his boxers, before sliding them off.

placing a kiss on his tip, you run your tongue along his shaft, looking up at him, eyes wide. his head is tipped back, addams apple exposed and hair falling messily everywhere. such a pretty sight.

hes groaning, coming undone so quickly by the calculated movements of your tongue.

"fuck!" he gasps, as you pick up your pace, drawing his orgasm out.

"such a pretty girl on her knees for me." he says, fucked-out.

you smile raising off the ground and straddling his lap. his dick hardens underneath you.

"want you inside me baby.." you whisper, kissing his neck as you slide your panties to the side.

you tease your slit with his tip, before sinking down onto him with a groan.

it doesn't take much for you to both finish. messy and rushed kisses as you clean up and leave before his next class, promising more when he returns home..

[jackienautism]

briefly talked abt this w/ my friend (hiii @kilowattsons) (dont read this if you dont want too many spoilers) after i FINALLY watched saw (2004) w/ them but i just. i jsut. ii..

throwing my SMG followers a bone rn. but hear me out hear me out. laura and travis + amanda and john parallels. esp in fanon context

I JUST. to preface this i KNOW that amanda canonically refers to john as her father, but that ddef doesnt make the relationship any better fdgkfng butOKAY OKAY. HEAR ME OUT

it pisses me OFF how (outside of that dumbass batch of ppl that ship them ...) fans REALLY tried to make travis out to be some sort of uncle figure for laura and thats just ..... not how things work? kdfgnf no matter HOW you spin it, their relationship will NEVER be healthy, unless you wanna have something so DEVOID of canon, which is just annoying. like. at that point just make up your own characters DSFKGNFDGK LIKE. travis and laura will not and can NEVER have a relationship where things arent icky or bad. and if you say otherwise youre just too indulged in fanon and i recommend playinmg the fucking game again

but the same goes for amanda and john yk... it jjust. their relationship is MEANT ot be one of toxicity and whatnot. its not MEANT to be healthy. but (and i see this a LOT) ppl love to paint a picture that shows them in this normal and loving relationship and to me its jsut ???? dont get me wrong i ENJOY seeing these characters in happy and normal contexts, but sometimes its just.. it becomes so far from canon that it becomes almost .... ignorant? like youre purposely avoiding the canon material and making things that only YOU wanna see? if that makes sense? which, once again, there is no problem with. i of course indulge in stuff like this from time to time as well but its just .... this is fucking saw we're talking abt. its not meant to be happy or w/e

the only reason WHY this relationship exists is bc of the saw world and the in world contexts. outside of it (if everyone and everything were cookie cutter and happy and not Bad) there wouldnt be a need for john to have amanda and for amanda to have john. bc in a "happy" case, john woudlnt have lost his child. and amanda woudlnt have a shitty relationship w/ her father. the NEED for them both wouldnt exist if everythign were ideal

i hjavent rly looked for it much but the whole "jigsquad" thing is just sooo ..... like. i dont want to be mean ! and i get ppl can do whatever they want w/ the media they consume ! but ! it annoys me kdfngfg bc realistically nothing in this world is healthy and its sort of annoying when ppl make it out to BE healthy. like. thats the whole appeal of these characters and their relationships. theyre MEANT to be bad for each other. theyre MEANT to be toxic. theyre NOT meant ot have a normal relationship! and writing it as such defeats its original purpose!

ok back to travis and laura . like. first things first travis being a cop and locking her and max up for 2 months already deters them from having a good and meaningful and normal relationship lmao . but at the end of chapter 9? he manipulates himself and his situation to get laura to help him in his family bullshit. aka . killing a person she knows absolutely nothing about. shes not a shitty person, so of COURSE shes goingn to say "sure" to the person tthats practically begging for her help. and in this line of events, she can even be killed! like! and travis should fucking know this! hes willing to use this girl hes traumatized for his own gain! to solve HIS problems! its fucked up

and do i even need to say how john used a girl hes traumatized for his own gain? its written all over the movies brother. and in canon, he DOES end up killing her! he leads her to her demise! yes i kn ow hoffman's note is essentially what lead amanda to her demise but. john is the one who put this all in motion and who wanted to test her again despite beating her test in the original movie. and for making it through the bullshit of saw ii

but yeah. long story short. ppl making it seem like that these 2 duos have good familial relationships is so just errrghhhh . in laura and travis' case, this is NOT the answer to being a normal person and not shipping them. they shouldnt have a relationship at all realistically lmao. and the same goes for john and amanda, even if amanda canonically relies on and sees john as a ffather figure. if it werent for their pasts, they wouldnt need each other

basically what im saying is that. travis and john traumatize these girls then eventually uses them to further their own agendas, which get them (or can get them) killed. and yet fandom LOOOVES to see them as this normal healthy familial dynamic and it pisses me off and and and

[laceymorganwrites]

hq boys and how they text

A/N: this is a fun little mini collab with @miyaniacs that started out as me commenting: omg xy emoji reminds me of Bo. And then we just kept making hcs so...have those xD

Bokuto:

frequently used emojis: 💪🤩🥺👉👈😼🤣😥😲😭🥴😵🤠🤓🦄✨🙉🎉🐓👀😤

ALWAYS TEXTS IN ALL CAPS

doesthisannoyingthingtoo

always does typos cause he´s wayyy too excited 

and when he does the * he still gets it wrong

will send 10 minute long audios talking about nothing

also will keep every group chat updated about his day, checks in on everyone every 5 minutes

also in way too many group chats but too scared to leave them cause he doesn´t want ppl thinking he´s rude

Atsumu:

emojis: 💔💦💯🔥😎😥🥵🤫🥴🤙👅❤☕

texts ppl who are like 5 feet away from him to get him something (poor Osamu)

always gets left on read

then double texts like

hello?🥺 

r u mad at me?

flirts way too much but in a really direct way

is blocked by so many girls

he loves calling people and will annoy anyone when he´s bored

Tendou:

emojis: 👨‍🦯🦶👂✌🤘🥰😇🤠🙊✈🌜💁‍♂️🙆‍♂️🤦‍♂️🏃‍♂️😣😙

sends too many selfies

it´s like he´s vlogging cause he´s constantly sending pics to the gc 

has a bunch of rps going on and he´s super good at them (actually has good and interesting ocs)

sometimes speaks uwu just to annoy people

randomly quotes anime 

sends videos of himself talking rather than making audios 

makes such cute faces too

sigh, I love this man

Suna:

emojis:🤗🙄😬🤦‍♀️💅👁👄👁🤧🤰😈💀😾

this man is on his damn phone too much

yet never texts back

will literally take up to 3 weeks to reply

is on discord a lot and just trolls people

has the do not disturb thingie

only texts 3 ppl (Kita, Osamu, Aran)

has Atsumu blocked

the type of guy to have a drama channel

Oikawa

always on his phone

texts

like

this

his gallery is rlly neat

has an album for everything and way too many photos

has an album just for receipts of drama he thought would be more important than it rlly is

ootd pics to the gc

expects all the compliments

gets: u still ugly

KING OF FACE TIME

🥰😘😫🥺🥱🤗👽👄✨🔥🌶💖🧘‍♀️🖖👉👈☕

Sakusa

short answers

uses punctuation

has all gcs muted

only texts in there to roast Atsumu

leaves ppl on read all the time

except for Komori

sooo many unopened chats

only emojis are: ❤ and :) also 🙄

Tsukki

sassy all the way

only reads messages when they´re important

otherwise he just ignores it

🤦‍♀️💅😍🤢😉🙄👁👁🤷‍♀️

involuntarily is in a gc with Kuroo and Bokuto

has a secret meme chat with Akaashi and Yamaguchi

picks up on too much gossip amd doesn´t even wanna know about it

Ushijima

had Tendou explain his phone to him 

texts Oikawa at least once, showing him a picture of Shiratorizawa being like: this could´ve been you

is blocked now

does this thing where he overuses autocorrect and types the emoji instead of the word

🤠🍆 otherwise he rlly doesn´t use any

Filth stuff under the cut:

Bokuto

accidentally really good at sexting

doesn´t know what he´s doing but it works

keeps complimenting and praising you

has issues taking dick pics cause he can never get the right angle

always begs to have phone sex cause he gets too excited

wants to be on facetime with you all the time

okay but how can someone be so beautiful when they cum? and his moans are feral, will just stare at you all hazed 

talks a lot during everything, just tells you how amazing it feels at all times

Atsumu

thinks he´s good at sexting 

but tries too hard

legit just fuckboy energy

but we all know he´s just a sweet soft boy who wants to know if his dick if pretty cause he´s insecure abt it

texting game isn´t strong

BUT HIS PICTURE GAME 👀👀👀

would actually ace it once he had sex since his texting game would just....oof it´s so good

also not as awkward anymore

Tendou

sexting with him is so much fun

it´s super chill and lighthearted

tells you how good you make him feel

if you ever have phone sex he will moan just for you (usually he doesn´t cause he doesn´t see the point in it)

somehow it feels more intense with you watching him and touching yourself to him

gets his confidence (and dick) up

would be up to try everything with you, just gets so excited abt you overall

Suna

he WILL leave during a session to make food or smth 

one time he forgot about you and just went back to gaming

kind of lackluster at times

you really have to initiate the convo

but he makes up for it with nice pics and vids

has a really pretty dick

somehow he takes really good pictures but without any effort

would do it on facetime and let me tell you:

prettiest moans

intense af eyes

THAT FUCKING SMIRK WHEN U CUM FOR HIM

Oikawa

never really shows his dick

partly because of bad experiences and cause of insecurities 

makes you feel things by just his words

actually will either smirk like the little bitch he is or have a super cute soft smile on his face

probs has his phone in his one hand and is throwing a volleyball up and down in the other

sooo many adjectives to describe exactly what he´ll do to you

Sakusa

sends a pic of him in only sweats, hand on his cock and tells u to come over

or a random: I need to feel your mouth around me

´why do you want me to send a picture of my hand?´

can get really filthy, taking you by surprise

call him sir and watch him flip the switch

when he´s comfortable enough with you he will tell you all his dirty secrets

Tsukki

phone sex

teases you about being horny and needy

then supresses his own moans 

makes you tell him what you want him to do

maybe he´ll reward you with a picture

never starts anything since he doesn´t wanna seem needy

but every time you sext or have phone sex he´s like super petty at first

being all like: aww you just can´t get enough of me~ what took you so long this time?

Ushijima

straight up dick pics or his abs/veiny arms

would send you pics after/while he works out and turns you on without intending to

accidentally leaves you on read after you call him out for it

kinda internal panic because...we all know this man is awkward asf

so you have to guide him through, tell him what you want him to do and what you wanna do to him

is kinda embarrassed the first few times, but slowly enjoys it more and more

[seoafin]

i’m gonna be a nasty lil nerd and geek out about the fic okay i’m on vacation rn n i feared if i left it for when i came back home i would forget. SO ur insane actually sooooooo crazy for writing that like i’m willling to check u into a mental hospital for putting me through all of that. (it was amazing please never stop) can i tell u my lil ripmc headcannon it doesn’t have to be true and please feel free to ignore if u hate it but i kinda hc that she can read a cursed objected history or take important information from it. i’m unaware if you’ve delved deeper into her techinque ik she uses the katana n idk i think it would be kinda cool if she realized that technique n decided to get proficient with the katana maybe as a way to raise her value as a sorcerer in the eyes of the higher ups n fight curses with the collected information she learned from them in her fighting style with her katana! sorry if like hc stuff about ur if’s is annoying and please feel free to ignore i just thought it’d be kinda cool! like making her super powered up i feel like would clash a bit with geto n gojo but making her just interesting enough a nice puzzle piece to fit in between them she’s capable of understanding an objects entire history but incapable of reading between the lines that her two best friends wanna do the nasty. also i love love love the way you’ve written ripmc n her view in love and relationships i relate so much to it. i’ve tried verbalizing it to myself but end confusing myself even more and i just really loved the simple way in which you explained that she simply loves geto gojo n shoko n all the kids of course. like i have some trouble dissecting the difference between romantic love and platonic love but i just know i have so much of it to give even tho i don’t see love as a huge huge part of my life? we’re u interested in writing ripmc with any hints of aromance or pansexuality in the mind? idk just so cool all around!!!! also the first chapter with her and geto cooking was so fucking wrenching because u do so well the thing where they look at her and they’re clearly mad and they know they’re mad and she’s just apologetic for existing n they’re just fed up and there’s so much unsaid in the quiet of it all n in between all those stolen glances it makes me wanna rip my heart into two. ALSO just the way you wrote rip mc with geto cooking n then gojo n her touching like i feel like you incorporated their love languages so beautifully woah man woahhh. last thing loved the guilt tripping from the children it was awesome i felt like an absentee father who didn’t go see her childrens recital or smt 10/10 recommend. ALSO ALSO megumi is sooooooo possesive of ripmc he is such an adorable lil jealous brat i love how it makes gojo spiral n wish he could revert back in age so he could cuddle up to her and hold her hand ughhhhh🤯

ahhhhhh!!! you can honestly project and imagine whatever you want onto rip!mc she's meant to be written that way!!! but yes haha if you know me then you probably im a very big proponent of having platonic and romantic love overlap. to me there's no clear boundary that marks romantic from platonic vice versa and i don't really think it's something to be necessarily distinguished as different. love is love you know. but also imo our western constructs of romantic love vs platonic love works to our detriment. it places too much of a heavy burden on a partner to fulfill all your emotional needs and emphasizes romantic fulfillment over platonic fulfillment when ideally you should have both! anyway I went off on a tangent lmfao. In the end love is love and rip!mc sees that. no matter how many people you love or how you love. I am sooo looking forward to actually writing mimiko and nanako past a few lines. I know I mainly focus on megumi but all the kids are very precious!!! as I said before you can definitely read rip!mc as pansexual/aromantic (which other ppl have also hc'd her) thank you for reading I'm glad you enjoyed it!!!

[sapybara]

I feel like there’s so much shipping discourse in this fandom because some people can’t tell the difference between truthing and for fun shipping so they therefore see any sort of alternative ship as a “threat” to their OTP.

It’s like KNF vs D.NF - obviously there were still some KNF truthers but I feel like a lot of people were just shipping for fun only to have a bunch of DN.Fers jump down their throats shouting about how they’re “wrong” and KNF is “not real” or whatever.

Then there’s the whole Dreamnap situation - I’ve seen D.NFers go to the lengths of accusing Dreamnap shippers of advocating for incenst because Dream and Sapnap call each other brother occasionally (but they conveniently ignore aaaaaaaaaaall the times Sap and Dream joke about sucking each other off).

Idk. Truthers are weird and should just let people have fun. Obviously I know George and Sapnap aren’t getting married, but I just wanna have fun with the idea that they might.

Okay point one, I feel like a lot of people here call themselves truthers when they mean shippers. Like they just changed the meaning, like with the solos <- a George main is called golo when thats not what it means.

Point two, yeah I feel it's like you say, ppl see other ships as a threat to their ship which is. Weird. And the dnap thing is sooo annoying, ppl who said that are insane, they remind me of ppl who go "how can you like c!dream? Can't you see he's an abuser?" Like bro. It's not real.

I've also seen a lot of comments saying that multishipping is basically fetishizing people because "you just want X to be fucked by whoever is near them" which sounds totally insane for me. Because 1. That's not true? 2. If that was the case then only one ship is enough to cry fetish yknow.

I think that what a lot of people don't understand about multishipping is that is less about "x y z sucking and fucking" and more about trying to explore/imagine the dynamics they already have but in a more romantic/intimate setting (which does not directly goes to sex). It's just for fun. It's just because we see a nice dynamic and go "oh X absolutely carries Z to bed" "yeah Y is definitely a small spoon" "X definitely enjoys to annoy Y just to kiss them silly after". Create dynamics for the funsies, yknow?

[whirlybotart]

Alrighty totally not my wife <3, honestly Im a bit terrified ppl wont like my thoughts on Op because I think a lot of them are... Hot takes in the fandom.

First impression

I thought he was really cool! He seemed like a nice leader and a respectful guy. I thought he was really neat =] almost like a dad friend.

Impression now

He's a bad dad friend and honestly the fandom treats him a lot nicer than I think they should. He's kinda,,, a bad leader n friend ignorant too,,, And his flaws are why I like him so much as a character! He's by far the most believable and interesting Optimus we've ever had, but hes far from perfect and being honest I don't think his character arc was complete by the end of the series. The way the fandom just babys him is sooooo annoying like way to take away the best aspect of his character =/

Favorite moment

His laugh of course has to take the cake <3 its absolutely wonderful to see him take a shot at Sentinel he deserves it. He deserves it sooo much and any and all clowning on Sentinel is great in general <3

Idea for a story

I Really love TFA Megop I would love to see more stories about them struggling to create peace between autobots n decepticons, with BOTH of them not being the leaders of their groups. Like it would be so interesting to see Optimus struggling to convince both the people of cybertron and Sentinel Magnus to take a chance on the cons AND at the same time have Megatron talking to some sort of higher ups in the cons about forgiving the autobots for everything they've done to screw them over.

Esp when it comes down to their teams I wanna see more stories abt conflict with them as they struggle to get along. Just like Lugnut being brutish n dumb and Prowl n Ratchet getting angy with him n being like 'yeah hes too dangerous to be around Op esp since hes so big' OR YEAH IM GONNA BRING SHOCKBEE INTO THIS THAT WHOLE DRAMA,,,, esp bc Op can be very ignorant and just like not understanding of other people sometimes it'd be interesting to have conflict of Op being like 'bee n shockwave u have to make peace with each other' and Bee for very good reasons being like 'yeah no Im not doing that dumbaft-'

I think the story to tell there is very interesting, I also just like wholesome stories where they group up n celebrate holidays or do some dumb shit together just for the sake of it. Overall as long as ur not a freak abt it I love TFA Megop a lot in terms of the stories u can tell with their dramatic forbidden love.

Unpopular opinion

Ultra Magnus might be the worst possible dad figure u could ever give Optimus, literally tons of Optimus's truama/a good chunk of his flaws come from UM dropping him like a wet towel the second he fucked up. UM literally created like 90% of Optimus's internal conflict during his story and honestly Optimus deserves a good swing at him actually.

Favorite relationship

his relationship with Ratchet is so good and such an interesting look into both of their characters, the mutual respect they have for each other when they both think in very different ways is sooo good. Ratchet in my eyes is def the unofficial second in command to the crew and the way he bounces off Op is very cool. I wanna make a full video abt this but the way Op thinks like an autobot and is willing to do fucked up things for the greater good contrasted with Ratchets strong will to keep up his morals and beliefs and do the right thing even if it means it might put them in a tougher spot is sooooo interesting to see...

Favorite headcanon

His relationship with Elita-1 n Sentinel n all of his friends in bootcamp was strange n filled with romantic tension that was kinda shared and they were all kinda dating kinda not- I just love the strange drama of that kinda stuff KJDSFHGKJDSFHGDSFG

[unfollow-me-too]

Ignoring My Winnings

Short soft Langst fic

Concept: u kno the thing that ppl never notice ur achievements but scold u at your losses

Ye that one.

(the team is complete,castle isn't destroyed )

=======

It's sometimes annoying

"I swear Lance you always lose focus"

But I took down more drones than before

"I'd appreciate it if you were serious being a paladin Lance"

I am serious, I just don't want you guys to be all tensed up.

"What, you missed? I thought you were our sharpshooter! Haha"

I rarely miss

But its unavoidable, especially when you have a reputation of being a goofball

That's what Lance always thinks when they scold him on mistakes he tried to avoid.

It was fine he was a little used to it now.

=====

There was one time when had a week for free. The Princess was in a Democratic stay-in in a planet, guarded by only by Coran because the Aliens were an ally of Alteana years ago.

So the paladins were left to their own devices in the space castle orbiting around the planet.

"A whole week by ourselves! Hey Hunk! Wanna hit that space pool sometime?" hands raised full of energy Lance was glared at by Keith

"just because Princess Allura is in a week-long leave doesn't mean we're in a week long leave as paladins as well"

"Keith's right, we'll be having extended hours of training while the princess is gone" Shiro declared, the trio booed in dissapointment "at the last day everyone's having a day off" the trio started muttering

"fair enough"

"ugh, fine"

"we can't get anything better out of Shiro on this one"

They did the training where they have to protect each other from blasters from small balls of metal. It wasn't anything special actually, just that he's always the one getting hit first.

Like

ALL. THE. TIME.

"Lance, this is the fifth time" Shiro stood in front him giving him a hand.

"sorry, 'bout that " Lance took his hand and stood up as well "having a hard time on defending myself when changing Bayard weapons"

"but aren't you guys supposed to defend me and stuff? " Lance continued

"get off Lance, not everyone is supposed defend you" Keith raised a brow

"I know, that's not what I me-"

Pidge cut him off "I just checked, Hunk was able to take out 14 bots, Shiro 42,I got 26,Lance 36 and Keith took out 32"

"Impressive Keith, 5 bots more than last time" Shiro praised Keith, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"oh and hunk, it's okay, your weapon's not exactly light you know" Pidge said

"Lance" Shiro turned to Lance "might wanna work on your defense" Lance had his mouth gaped, but shut it right

Impressive Keith

He thought with a mocking voice, he respects Shiro, more than Allura actually, but he can't help getting g annoyed when Shiro tends to pay more attention to Keith

FYI I took out 36 bots even when I had the shortest time

Lance shook his thoughts off

Shiro and Keith are basically brothers, slight bias is normal.

I mean I do need to improve on my defense

He sighed and let it go.

The next day was hand to hand combat, his "favourite"

He totally likes getting knocked over

Hi totally like getting hit

He totally likes losing all the time because his Bayard is for long ranged

He just loves it

He also loves seeing Shiro pairing himself with Keith almost every single time

"hey hunk, don't you think Shiro should be training with someone else other than Keith? "

"who? You? Lance, I bet you couldn't even manage to stay conscious for five minutes if you fought Shiro.Keith is the only one able to match Shiro"

"Ugh" Lance could only groan "Hey Lance! You gonna train or what " Pidge shouted on stance Bayard ready.

He's gonna lose again and he knows it

++++++

Well, he did lose

Dissapointed but not surprised, really.

Pidge is fast, with her small stature she's almost impossible to hit. His sniper wouldn't work, though he could aim a perfect hit, he couldnt do it fast enough. His rifle was fast yet he'd sometimes miss. His sword? Pidge can easily topple him ,so he didn't even try, in fact he doesn't want to show anyone he got a sword, or else he'd be force to spar with Keith, and he'd lose. More points to deduct on Lance's Confidence chart.

"you should get better on Hand to Hand Lance, you're not always in a tower with a sniper" Pidge said

"Yeah Yeah I know,I did get to beat you though" Lance tried to laugh while he's feeling every bruise in his body

He's a little pissed at Pidge but more on himself at the moment

"yeah like that's worth something" PIdge walked away to rest and spar with Hunk "Hunk you're next! I've still got some energy"

"gotta give a man some credit, or else he'd feel useless" he lied to on the floor and sighed

"what" Pidge turned her heel "Lance you're not useless" she said concerned

"nice to hear that pidge" he said sarcastically and laughed it off "That's not how I see it" he stood up and went out "Gonna get some water be back in a sec"

Hunk stared at Lance exiting

" dude I'd I just hear that"

---------

This is sooo short. I can't exactly write much without risking being seen by a teacher at school :-(

[moonmothmama]

ok. so. The Princess Bride. i read it yesterday.

and right up front, before even a review, i’m gonna go ahead and list everything objectionable in the book that i can recall. please don’t take the length of the bullet pointed items to follow as an indication that the book was wildly problematic and offended me at every turn; it wasn’t and it didn’t. but there were some things that made me go: 😑 or 😒, and here it all is, presented with context, before anything else, because to be honest, i didn’t expect any of it. the film is relatively spotless, which is pretty rare for that era, and if any of you are thinking of reading it, you could do with being more prepared for this than i was.

first off, racism. two passing remarks. one isn’t even in the story proper; it’s in the first whole long intro bit from the author/narrator. that takes some explanation, i suppose: like in the film, the story is presented as a book having been written by “S. Morganstern,” except instead of a grandfather reading to his sick grandson, the narrator is interjecting with notes on the original text that he has abridged. the beginning is a whole long shpiel that, in my opinion, could have been significantly pared down with absolutely zero loss to the story (which! hey! the film did perfectly! go figure!). anyway, the first racist remark is an absolutely tasteless line in which the narrator pisses and moans about his fat son, making a crack about “painting him yellow” and making him a sumo wrestler. y i k e. the other passing remark is from Miracle Max (really, truly, the film version of this scene is miles better than the book version, but contains an important plot detail, so you should prob still read it, but i’ll give you the lowdown if you wanna skip). he refers to Iñigo as a sp*ck (rather bafflingly, i might add, bc Iñigo is a Spanish man... from Spain... not a Hispanic or Latino man from Latin America. so. i mean i’m certainly not an expert on slurs but... i have never in my life heard that term in reference to a person from Spain, and am virtually certain it was invented to refer to ppl from the americas) and in the same breath uses an objectionable term for a Polish person. sooo... again: y i k e. what gets me is that... these could’ve just been edited out? why weren’t they? i mean i know why but

fat shaming! see above. though to be honest, any true negativity about fatness is restricted to the author/narrator’s interjections; there are a few minor fat characters in the story and those depictions, without being too long-winded or spoilery, didn’t offend me (fyi: i’m fat). if you want the details, please feel free to message me about it.

if we can go back to the whole long beginning shpiel from the author/narrator, it’s just... eh. he comes off as kind of a jackass, tbh. not even halfway through it i found myself more than a little impatient for the story to begin, and that could be at least partly because the film spoiled me with a lovely, not annoying, not problematic scene of Granddad Columbo reading to Baby Fred Savage where no one made any racist remarks or ragged on fat kids. the basic gist, if you want to skip it, is that the author, as a kid, had this book read to HIM by his father, who was a Florinese immigrant, and nearly illiterate in English, but still labored over reading the English translation to his American-born son, who adored the book and requested it read to him dozens and dozens of times over the years, refusing to read it himself (though he read plenty of other books). as an adult, he buys his son the book, and is crushed when the son doesn’t like it. he then reads it for the first time, and realizes his father skipped over huge, boring blocks of text. he read his son only The Good Parts. so he decides to edit that shit out himself and release the abridged version he loves so much. add into that some complaining about his wife and some extra blah blah, and that’s pretty much it.

you remember the scene in the movie where The Man In Black/Westley almost slaps Buttercup for what he believes is lying? in the book he actually slaps her. not that his actions seem supported or endorsed by the text, but still, there you are. Buttercup does push him off a cliff soon after, though, so. i wouldn’t call that ‘even’ exactly but, shrug

Vizzini, in the book, has a fucky leg and his back isn’t quite straight, and he’s referred to repeatedly as a “humpback” or “hunchback” which needless to say is Not Kosher

that, as i recall, is it. i hope i’m not forgetting anything. now onto content/trigger warnings:

alcoholism. this shouldn’t be a surprise if you’ve seen the movie: Iñigo has some, shall we say, issues

Fezzik’s parents were... terrible. CPS would be all over them. spoiler: basically they emotionally blackmailed their son into fighting professionally, which they knew he hated, by telling him they’d abandon him if he didn’t

Buttercup has some kinda messed up (read: unsettling but in no way graphic) nightmares after leaving Westley when they’re found by Prince Humperdinck at the Fire Swamp, mostly involving bearing children to the Prince who she once again is set to marry

the slurs and whatnot i mentioned above

violence, obviously. nothing worse than the film as i recall.

that’s it i think. 

okay. all that said. did i enjoy the book? yes i did. a lot.

now, you might be thinking: jesus, Kathleen, after all the shit you just listed? and to this i reply: listen. there is no Unproblematic Media, so you either enjoy some things that are flawed, or you enjoy nothing at all. there is plenty of objectionable shit in Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit! fucking plenty! and i love those books! and so do plenty of other people! in my own humble opinion, the good story is worth the shitty bits, because the shitty bits aren’t like, fundamental to the plotline. the story isn’t built on offensive humor or nasty, bigoted attitudes. and they’re also not the most egregious examples of Objectionable Content i’ve come across- not by a longshot. there are levels to offense. there are tiers of bullshit. this is on a far lower tier than a whole host of other things i could mention. but if any of this stuff i’ve listed crosses a line for you, i totally understand and respect that. that’s why i’ve bothered to list it at all. imo, how you respond to objectionable content is important: you don’t ignore it or excuse it, you acknowledge and criticize it. and if you still enjoy whatever the thing is, you allow yourself to enjoy it, without getting hissy or defensive with people for whom the objectionable content ruined the book/movie/whatever. 

there you go, there’s my disclaimer for having enjoyed the book. your mileage may vary.

okay. so. review time.

Buttercup is a far more interesting character in the book than the movie, for which the movie can’t be faulted all that much, because you can’t easily translate a character’s inner monologue/unspoken thoughts to the screen, especially not with the time limit that comes with the medium of film. but watching her struggle with her feelings and life choices (and... lack thereof, since her choice is between marrying the prince and being put to death, which isn’t much of a choice, even if she tries to reason it out later by telling herself she COULD have said no... and initially did) creates far more of a bond between her and the reader in the book than, personally, i felt watching the movie. also she has a great line after Westley calls her beautiful at their reunion- she says something like, ‘everyone’s always calling me beautiful, i have a mind too, why don’t you talk about that’

Both Westley and Buttercup are immature, naive, and foolish in the beginning, and if Westley strikes you as Extra Dickish, a) rewatch the film! he did act like a bit of a dick, there, didn’t he? b) remember that in the story he’s a young man between the ages of eighteen and twenty five, which in my considerable experience is the age at which young men are generally at their peak of Asshole. sorry dudes

and not that Buttercup herself is a complete peach! she deals very poorly with her emotions in general and acts kinda shitty herself once or twice. i won’t say too much lest i spoil everything that’s different between the film and the book.

Prince Humperdinck is also a more three dimensional character; still a rat bastard tho.

onto Fezzik and Iñigo.

as i have said in other blog posts, these boys are... pretty much the whole reason i sought out the book. and... jesus. 

you get all the way into the tragic backstories that were only hinted at in the film. okay, Iñigo’s backstory was more than hinted- but of course you go so much deeper in the book- and Fezzik’s was less than hinted, reduced mostly to a peek at the insecurity that Vizzini exploits and preys upon to keep him in line. not that you’d have to expend a great effort to him to keep him in line; his personality is docile and non-confrontational. truly not the slightest bit aggressive by nature. he’s also kinda clingy and needy, which is a thousand percent understandable given his childhood, and tbqh doesn’t need to be browbeaten for Vizzini to keep him on his short, cruel leash. which makes it all the more painful! hurrah! 😭

also you actually get to meet Iñigo’s father, Domingo Montoya, in a flashback, aaaand... i kinda love him. probably predictable if you know me.

anyway. tragic backstories. which further illuminate the emotional and psychological issues that make them so dependent on Vizzini, and turn them to lives of crime in his employ. poor boys! oy gevalt. sympathy abounds; i honestly don’t know how you could go through the book and not fall at least a little bit in love with this duo, whose friendship is precious and adorable and a balm to the soul that is aching from their painful life stories and unhealthy coping mechanisms. they’re each, very plainly, the only friend the other has in the world, and are constantly helping and bolstering one another. it’s heartbreakingly sweet. i think those boys will be alright as long as they stick together.

and now, the repeated theme of the book, that is presented with far less intensity in the film: life isn’t fair. which, one supposes, is true. but while the narrator’s framing of that assertion may give you the same misgivings they gave me- bitching about his fat son and his less than ideal relationship with his wife- you can also step back and appreciate it as a wee pearl of wisdom. life is often unfair, but that doesn’t mean it’s altogether bad or that you can’t enjoy it. idk, that’s my attitude, man. 

i could talk about the ending here, but i won’t. at least not too much. not to spoiler-ish-ly. if you don’t want to know anything about the book’s ending at all, feel free to not read the last bit here, except for the very last lines which are bolded.

ready? yes? no?

...

the ending to the book is different than the movie. there is a more philosophical, open ended conclusion than you could really get away with in a movie. at least this movie.

just throwing it out there: i believe in happy endings. ones in real life. but i kind of disagree with the author a little bit, in that i don’t think happy endings necessarily have to be perfect and unblemished to qualify as happy endings. that may be the way “happily ever after” is generally presented, but to me, “happily ever after” means, maybe some shit happened, but none of it was completely devastating, and in the final analysis, life was satisfying. that’s the kind of real life happy ending i’m aiming (and hoping) for. this might sound vague but i hope it’ll make sense if you read the book.

if you wanna do that, btw, i read it for free online at allnovel dot net.

[starkissr]

idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but 

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend? 

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent 

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one 

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed 

!?!?@#

[diaryofanormalkid]

So many ppl at work have crushes on me and I’m picking up on it all... 😩🙄

Coworker 1 (let’s just call it beef tings?)

My coworker who I originally had beef with... I’m pretty sure he is attracted to me. Bc he acts so different around me now. Like before, we NEVER talked (but it was his fault).

I was always super civil and casual, would be respectful and try to say hi, but he’d always swerve me off or like pretend he didn’t hear me or ignore me.

I was convinced for the longest time he was deaf/hard of hearing. So then I started becoming louder and waving at him, but even then sometimes it was a lost cause.

But we very sloooowly started becoming more comfortable around each other and forming ways to say hi to each other swiftly but without it being awkward.

And I was honestly over trying to build any form or relationship with him at all, I gave him so many chances, over and over, and just decided one day I’m gonna leave it alone.

He had to know, I was civil/willing to be nice. So it wasn’t like I was the one who had the problem, I always tried to make convo etc. He was the standoff-ish one in this case.

But now... it’s sooo opposite. And it’s all because we started playing this tagging game at work. I already briefly told y’all about it before, but essentially it’s like tag.

And every time it’s him and I there at work, he tries to make any excuse to come close to me or touch me. I’m telling you, this game has become the root of alll our convos lately.

Like it’s been going on for months, this one game of cheese touch. And the times he’s it, it’s like he intentionally tries to tag me and no one else. He acts so different than how he did before.

So when he’s in my personal space, I get so alert and cautious bc IK it’s the most likely the game he’s playing. But it’s the times when he doesn’t have it and still lingers near me 🤔

Like what is he on? How come he does that? I’ll always ask him, “why are you acting so weird? You’re too close.” In a joking manner even though I 100% mean the words I say.

He’s really tripping though, bc before, he wouldn’t be caught DEAD doing any of this to me. And now he’s even maintaining eye contact for LONG periods of time... it’s so crazy.

Okay so confession. I’ve made plenty of other posts about this coworker before, however many of them just say different titles bc I’ve gone through the MOTIONS with this kid.

He’s been called the manager’s kid on here, my lazy coworkers, but most embarrassingly, I even once called him: my cute coworker. Once upon a time though 🙄

That was when I was new and had no idea how weird this kid was gonna act the whole time I’ve been working here. So cut me some slack, cute/attractive does not mean bf material. AT ALL.

Hear me out though, he IS pretty easy on the eyes. But like, that’s about it. I’m not into him at all. He’s just starting to get me nervous bc it seems like he’s showing signs he likes me??

And I always doubt myself and say maybe I’m just overthinking it and reading in too much on all his body language and actions/energy. Or maybe he is with me?!?!

Because I’ve always been nice, and I’ve always been nice to him, but idk if he’s just now finally realizing that and is now on the receiving end because he finally talks to me?

Either way, I don’t know how I feel about it. My mom always suspected before that maybe he never spoke to me bc he was attracted to me, in which I would immediately respond “nah.”

But now it’s starting to feel like she was right... but i don’t want to think too much about it, it’s not that serious. But also, it bothers me bc I am attracted to him, just not further.

Now it’s like because we both actually hold eye contact, it’s intense bc I am attracted and I don’t people to pick up on that energy from me. The way he looked at me today...

There were actually plenty of looks today. And sometimes I can’t help myself from smiling/blushing. The only reason I can claim it’s a smile is because I’m black...

But otherwise, it’s hard for me to mask my attraction with this sudden reciprocation of him interacting with me. The thing that keeps me grounded is his personality tbh.

Because he’s lazy, inconsiderate, entitled, selfish, probably vain. So it’s a good balance for me, it keeps me focused on NOT letting looks get the better of me.

Speaking of though. He has recently been getting haircuts so much more frequently, and he put in earrings and I didn’t even know he had his ears pierced?!

One of the times I remember he was wearing HEAVY cologne (ngl it smelt good) and mind you, it’s a scent-free Hospital, so I really wanted to ask WHO are you trying to impress?

Bc it couldn’t be me! That day, I just remember how obnoxious he was. He kept walking by, SUPER close to me. As if he expected me to comment on his scent or something 😩💀

Since I knew what he was doing, I definitely was not going to do that. Also, another day, actually two times before he’s done this, he would just come in to work on his days off????!

And I’m like, “okay you seriously don’t have anything better to do but come into work? For what? For WHO?” Like when I asked why he’s here both times, he said “to get food.”

And I’m like????? To get food my ass! He could’ve gone ANYWHERE to get food if he didn’t have it at home and yet he stopped by the cafetaria to eat trashy food 🤔👀

So yeah that was hella sus to me. But idk, lately he’s just been looking hella fine and 😭 it makes me wanna vomit bc this is so uncharacteristic of me to be talking about him like this.

He doesn’t deserve all of my words tbh. It’s just I’m so into the glow up recently. Every time I see him now, he looks too good. Like yesterday for example.

First of all, when he came in the cafetaria he kinda sorta just popped in out of nowhere and he seriously scared me, specifically because I think he had the cheese touch yesterday.

So I jumped up and was like “you scared me!” With my eyes bulging, holding my chest. And then I asked him “why are you here?” And began to cross my fingers so I was immune from the cheese touch.

He began to mumble, as he always does, so I definitely didn’t catch any of what he said except for “my dad...” but eventually I was able to see for myself why he was here.

He came to fill the vending machines. So he came, but he was out of uniform. And that was probably the first time I’d seen him in clothes aside from uniform or sweats in... ever 🤔

So I was taken aback and digging it. Like I def was feeling the look, I was disgusted with myself bc he doesn’t deserve that attention from me, but on here I’ll be honest at least 🙄

Anyways so our interactions were very... idk. Like he seemed like he was TRYING to get some sort of reaction out of me coming in here like that. And I wasn’t having it.

So I didn’t give him one. LOL. But when he was almost done filling the vending machine, he asked my coworker first if she wanted anything and gave it to her.

Then he asked me if I wanted anything, and I said no! Looool. Like very intentionally said no. Even though I could’ve had whatever I wanted before he closed it.

Like I just don’t want him to get ANY ideas or give him any reason to believe I like him, so I just said no. He showed the tiniest hint of... what rejection?

Good. But in so many moments when I catch him saying my name, I like half wanna melt, half wanna cringe bc it’s so weird to hear from his mouth.

And especially like with our past, it’s too weird for me to hear him say my name without me thinking anything of it bc now I’m like “that must’ve been intentional 👀”

Like what is he doing? Idk I am just calculating everything, and all the signs put together tell me that he likes me 🤷🏿‍♀️ he can deny it/say otherwise, but it just feels true.

So obvs for a large part of me, that doesn’t sit right. I’ve been mistreated by him and his family so many times. I’ve also, had SOME nice things done by them...

But he doesn’t deserve that kind of attention from me, as well as he’s not a fit for me anyways and he should know better, I’m not a fit for him either.

However, a small part of me kinda melts at the fact that he might like me. And is also, hella confused bc I don’t know many redeeming qualities that I have to make him like me?

Well I do, but I wouldn’t think those would be things HE would find attractive/make him like me, which I why I find it hard to believe that my mom’s theory of him liking me might be true?

Anyways, when you have low self esteem for a long time and are just now finding self confidence, it’s a little bit tricky when you realize ppl actually DO like you.

But there, that’s the tea that’s been going on at work with HIM. There’s much more but for fear of making this post any longer, ima just wrap it up here 🙄 I’m annoying gosh.

Idk if that’s the case here, or if it’s just unbelievable coming from the past we had that he could ever like me in that way. Maybe find me attractive? But even that’s hard to believe.

[yumenosakiacademy]

Me.trocon 2017 Day 1

This is a diary for future me bc i like to keep my important memories preserved to read abt later n stuff! uh.. feel free to read if ya want i guess or ignore but it’s just me in-depth talkin abt what i did today n what happened to me, negative n positive! [peace sign] Cosplayed: Tsuka.sa Suou in his summer uniform

okay so i got mcdonalds for brunch at like 1 after i left my house and dad dropped me off to go get registered and all and after leaving registration to go get myself a Schedule, someone stopped me and said “oh my god can i take a pic of you?!” and i was so surprised that someone recognized who i was but i said sureso they pulled out their phone and they had a ku.ro k/iryu phonecase and i was like “!! KURO !!” and i talked w them (they were cosplaying the human lady from the ma.id dragon anime) and they had sooo many en.stars charms on their phone and i was like “oh my god you’re into en.stars” and i asked if they were doing okay in the event and they said their cards were too weak and that they only had 1 five star and i was like dude that sucks! but i had to rush to the UT panel so i said bye to them and they said they were gonna be shinkai on sunday so i’m looking forward to that!

so i went to the UT panel and things were kinda annoying bc some alt. au sans kept asking lots of questions and making commentary tly loudly and sometimes answering questions like they were part of the panel?? i think even the panelists were kinda annoyed of her... and she’d be like “aww un.dyne u didnt do my dare [mutter] but u did theirs!!” but i dont hav much to say abt this panel tbh

so i went to the bl.ack but/ler panel and apparently the original panelists didnt come so a group of bl.ack butler cosplayers (a ciel, seb, alois, and grell) along w two random girls and a Shiro ran the panel but usually the audience was talking over them bc everyone was kind of joking around and thngs were more chatoic and casual than a normal panel but i talked to the pidge abt random stuff and we talked abt their wig (which they took off bc it was itchy lol) and how we both didnt sleep much last night and we kinda became friends n talked a bit 

and then i left the BB panel and had a LOT of freetime so i walked around the dealers room/artist alley (mostly in search of ES merch) and i found a rei cosplayer and i was like “wow i like your UNDEAD itabag- wait ur cosplaying rei arent you?” and they were like “yea, casual rei haha” and i was like “HOLY FUC can i take ur pic......” and we talked abt en.stars for a sec n i was like “im cosplayin tsukasa!” n they were like “i See that” and i told them i was on the hunt for ES merch and they pointed me in the direction of the other side of the dealers room and said there was an idol table that had a box/boxes full of ES merch and the table was blaring idol music so it was Noticable and i was like “HOLY SHIT im gonna go get some charms thnk u” and had i not noticed that the rei n their friend seemed to be semi-busy i probably wouldve tried to talk abt ES w them for a while aa...

SO ANYWAY i found the idol table and there were 3 lil boxes of ES charms/buttons/etc and a box of i/7 charms/buttons/etc so i looked thru them and ALL THE STUFF WAS SO CUTE KRHNRGHB... but it took me abt an hour to look thru everything and pick out a natsume keychain and a mika christmas keychain but while i was there i was like.. bouncing to the loud idol music (they didnt play en.stars music but there was id.olmaster music i think and LL music) and the girl from earlier that took my pic (erin is her name i believe) and her friend and their other friend (?) who was umi came up to me and said hi again and looked at the charms (erin said she got a shu button and a lot of kuro merch tho, and she spent most of her money for the day lol) and i talked to them abt the things in the boxes and en.stars like which boys we liked or not (erin said she found ritsu annoying bc i showed her a ritsu keychain) and i gave erin and her friend lollipops and eventually left (the booth had 3 ES plushies and the 1st ES artbook w the cgs and va comments in it btw but i didt get those) and im debating going back to that table for a chiaki item or midori item.. maybe bc im tryna save up for a pillow or plushie i rly want

so i went back downstairs and saw the ann i first spotted near registration when i got inand i was like “oh!” but i sat down near them bc playing ES and putting my charms on my bag was more important and a lance asked me if i was yuki from tsu.ritama and i was like “nope! En.semble stars” and the shiro was like “OHH!!” and i asked the shiro n matt (they looked like matt but it might hav been a different character) if they were into en.stars and they said no sbut the matt said “all i kno is that eichi is Bad” and i was like “KJRGNRB YEA.. HES EVIL HES BAD YANNO THAT ;BABY BOY. EVIL.’ MEME? HES THE EVIL PART” and the lance kept laughing and i was like “he messed w ppl and kinda maybe emotionally abused someone hes No Good >:0″ but i told em that en.stars has a translation n stuff and then a serena helped me put my natsume on my bag 

and before i left i wanted a pic of the ann and akira but then i noticed there was a Makoto so i wanted to take their pic but after i did the makoto was like “YOURE COSPLAYING FROM EN.STARS ARENT YOU...” n i said yes and they squealed and said they were into ES and i hugged them and they showed me their mao itabag and apparently the ann and akira were into ES as well so we all laughed abt ES and i learned that makoto hates rei bc i said reis one of my best boys n makoto’s friend said she liked rei too and makoto groaned and i said “he’s hot!” and maggie (the friend) was like “yea!” and akira’s fav waskeito n he was like “i’d hug him. i’d kiss him. i’d spicy w him” and they were like “THOSE R GOOD UR VALID” when i said chiaki n ryu.seitai were my favs but apparently they had friends who loved chiaki too bc the akira mentioned it and we all laughed for a sec and makoto and akira said they were gonna be the tori n eichi at the en.stars panel on satudrday and i screeched and ann called over a DAN!akira she spotted (i took a pic of him earlier) and so he joined our lil hangout group and we all spotted a Joker akira so ann was like “...if i yell ‘akira’ ya think hell come over here” so i was like “let’s all yell it on 3″ so ann, DAN akira and i all yelled “AKIRA!!!” in unison and he came over and took some pics w the others n took a pic of me and i took a pic of him then he left but the DAN akira stayed and i gav makoto, ann, and DAN akira lollipops and we all hung out and ann and the umi from earlier (who was apparently their friend) danced to LL songs bc ann started dancing to em for us and before that the akira and makoto left and eventually the akira left until it was just ann, umi, and i w them dancing and i spotted my irl friend lynds so i said hi bc she was playing cards w her friendgroup then i said goodbye to ann and umi bc i wanted to find the wataru they mentioned they saw (erin mentioned it earlier too)

and so i walked around 4 a minute b4 the next UT panel and didnt find the wataru but oh well so i went to the 2nd UT panel and it was still p boring and the annoying chick from earlier was still there and some girl behind me was loud n had a handclapper toy they kept using and i hated it but w/e so after i left that, i wandered around a bit and eventually went to the phantomhive ball and mad.ame red (who was an ichigo earlier in the day who helped the ppl do improv for the BB panel for a sec b4 they had to leave) saw me and we kept talking and i was like “is this.. an actual ball or a Panel” and they said a ball so i was like “oh god” but they were rly sweet to me and tightened my tie and we talked abt our previous cons and who we’re gonna cosplay tomorrow and i also talked w their un.dertaker until the doors to the panel opened but un.dertaker n  stood in the corner n i didnt wanna slowdance so i called dad to pick me up, wandered around the con n played ES, then left at like 10 pm!

[bigbrotherorre]

episode one: “TODAY WE LEARNED UNLESS BRYCE FEELS LIKE THE PRETTIEST GIRL AT THE DANCE EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY, YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH” - AUTUMN hoh: BRYCE evicted: ROXY - 13 to 3

Okay WOOOO. So hey, I'm here doing a DR pre-season, because? I am cracked, a mess and SOOO EXCITED. Also, I looked up fun words, to find something to use as my confessional codeword, and "brouhaha" means "a noisy and overexcited reaction or response to something" WHICH IS SO APPROPRIATE. So woo, enjoy the brouhaha that is my excitement for this season. I just wanna say a couple of things: 1) Nicholas and Julia posting those clock gifs is gonna make my head fall off, thats so scary. If it means past season twists like someone said in the VL, I'm NERVY. RoseGold POVs are my biggest fear, and I know there was a season where prejury was all about them so YIKES. Calling it now, I'm gonna get sent home by a rosegold PoV. 2) Emily and Lukas was such an iconic F2, no matter whomst the F2 is in Orre, we will never match them 3) I wanna make some pre-season picks of who I expect to see cast, that way if they win, I can take total credit. I'm feeling like Raffy, Sammy and Aren might be in the cast, based on literally nothing khajsdfla. Raffy as a player terrifies me (I was also the person who brought him into this community so whew), but he gets CRACKED so whew! Aren is a scorpio so we stan. ANYWHO. I'm so excited for this season, its gonna be a HOOOOOT.

Wooh so ready for the season to start!!!

Hola, did you miss me? This is going to be me reflecting back on my Johto experience and trying to point out the mistakes I made, and how this game will be different. (this is before cast reveal) The first mistake I did in Johto was go against the premade. I was wary of Connor and Ari, and I thought painting the target on the returnee wouldnt only be easy but would be successful. And then I found out that I couldn't, and then Connor made friends with everybody on my team and fucked me over in the long run. The second mistake I did in Johto was being messy. A prime example was making pseudo "alliance" chats in order to sway the vote for people to keep me. This proved to be unsuccessful. I also had a mental breakdown like every night, so that just buried me more. The third mistake I did in Johto was throw the veto the week I was nominated. I felt like I couldve won it but I decided to study for my test. I didnt compete in the pov that i  shouldve won. SO now its time to do what I need to do for my redemption is quite simple. The last 3 ORGs ive played for BB i have made 2nd, 4th, and 3rd. And I learned quite a lot To negate my first mistake I'm not going to publicly target anbody. I will join the mob mentality to ensure my safety in early weeks. To negate my second mistake I am going to keep all my alliances as 1on1s. No alliances bigger than 3 people, and make sure to keep whatever information I have to myself. I will not snake out any information. To negate my third mistake is to try in all competitions. I will not throw anything I will not submit for anything unless I really cant. If I give it my all and still leave I can't beat myself up that bad. I'm nervous, but I'm ready. These freaks aren't gonna know what hit them.

Okay one hour to premiere! The fact that I've made two DRs pre-season? thats wild. I am gonna give a go at predicting the cast, based on... borderline nothing, beyond paranoia: Veronica Constance Raffy Autumn Olivia Eddie Elmo Hals Sammy Aren Those are guesses I'm confident in, so I'm gonna stick to that! Lets see if I get anyone right ajlkdsfas

Okay this isn't as bad as i thought except i'm a hot ass mess and messaged a picture into the house chat and i'm about to DIE

wut in the FUCK is happening who the hell are these people theyre mental all of them. nice to see sammy and ali though i fucking love them but i am terrified of playing with ali i literally said to my host chat 3 hrs before the game started "please say its all newbies so im not playing with zeezo" AND SHES HERE WTF

omg this FREAKING CAST IS WILD and i'm not gonna lie i'm a little worried that i might fight over half of them before the second week is finished...

not gonna lie seeing ashvika and roxy made me wanna kill myself but also i'm totally dying at the sight of ZEEZO AND BRYCE <3 also THIS COMP FREAKING SUCKS i need to find a group of friends asap so i don't flop. i'm gonna try to bring together bryce, zeezo, sammy, kat, and maybe ricky.... either gonna be lit or bite me in the ass

Hi!!! Y'all casted way too many people but it's ok cause I really like everyone so far whew. Also I really will do my intro video I swear... first thing tomorrow lmao 

THIS SHIT IS OVERWHELMING AF! SOOOO MANY FREAKIN PPL IM TALKIN TOO! I LIKE MOST OF THEM but som im like k. then like the call i do not want to join bc shit they cracked af! hopefully its not my undoing but i feel like my social is pretty strong atm.  #BBgameEVER

i'm just happy that ashvika is willing to put our unnecessarily tragic rivalry behind us and play this game right this time around. hopefully we'll be able to keep up the "we hate each other" look in the house chat and such so we can actually WORK TOGETHER this time. obvi i love her, and i just want the backstabbing madness to stop. hopefully she really has put out past behind her bc i'm ready to move on. like we're both pretty, we need to stick together. also shook that i talked to blake the longest today in pms???? like???? okay??? bryce and i look like we're in this for the long haul, hopefully we aren't first and second boot!! bc i have a weird feeling imma be pre-jury for some reason dsgdf

Night 1 Thots: Short term goal? to be as pathetic as possible. Probaly shouldn't have told alivia so soon that I was johnchen from bbtc world as after watching her intro vid. the could come back to bite me. Ryan seems like someone who I can ride on his coat tails for a while to get my foot in this game. So short term I need to be as pathetic as possible and hope this julia/bryce/sammy thing from house of shade starts to erupt.

me at alivia

Really regretting making my code word tractor.. Not a fan.  But um me and alivia talked for like 4 hours and we're both legends. We have a cute google sheet bet ur all jealous. Her and ashvika are gonna pretend that they hate each other but they dont actually!! How fun. Hope i dont slip and blow their covers JKDFHKSJD. Everyone seems to know everyone which is scary. When i first saw Jela and Julia were cast I was scared that theyd target me b/c we had a rough introduction, but honestly theyre legends. Idk why i told jela i was missing a left toe.. but i did and now idk what to do about that whole thing. Maybe ill say i got drunk and dont remember saying that but it isnt true.. IDK WHAT TO DO. But um yaa happy to see zeezo here too but scared ppl will think we're a duo but honestly I dont think ppl will. Um I should do a cast first impression thing wooh! Ricky: Played my first tumblr game with him but dont really know him. Seemed nice but not much there Randy: seems like a legend. Poc king. Um talked to him and he wanted to know more about me but wouldnt talk about himself so!! Idk hope we talk more seems fun. Julia: Um called me out. Called me fat. Fun tho!! Seems untrustworthy but no bad blood. Roxy: Talked a bit, um shes fun?? Dont think she likes me Ashvika: how can one girl be so pretty??? Shes smart too. Like i want to hate how perfect she is. The type of girl to throw my game away for tho so I need to make sure I dont!! Alivia: how can one girl be so pretty??? Shes smart too. Like i want to hate how perfect she is. The type of girl to throw my game away for tho so I need to make sure I dont!!  Honestly want to go to the end with her tho so I just am gonna have to make sure I outplay her so we can be f2. Bryce: ugly cast pic. Is he even a poc??? Zeezo: THE LOML I LOVE HER SO MUCH. we both seem to be working together so im happy. Hope to work with her and have her carry me in comps. She will beat lachies record. #menareover Kat: wish she was jade ;(. JK!! Love her so much already. She is so nice and fun and like just seems like a great person. Honestly shes gonna mist me too. Jose: Epicmafia king. We never work together and always betray each other so... first chance for everything??? He seems fun tho love him hope he slays (less than me tho) Sammy: I literally love him hes so nice but i never pm him so thats awk KDSJFHDKSj hope that this game changes that!! Lynn: Legend. Loves hufflepuff, hates middle school. Like I think we click but i know her and blake are like super close so idk if shed ever be closer with me but i hope so b/c shes just like.. amazing!! Saxon: Talks a lot. About himself. Maybe itll change when i talk to him more. Likes super hero movies so wooh i guess. Jela: Thought she hated me but maybe now she doesnt. Shes really funny actually so hopefully we can be allies. Blake: know that hes super smart and good at the game but like he got rekt by queen tara so maybe ill do that to him. We talked but it was bland but guess ill push through it Dennis: So his name is annoying to spell so had to change that quick. Kind of hate him??? But hes fun!!! Didnt know carly rae jepsen made music still so like the stan in me wanted to hang up the call on him. BUT then he msged me asking for carly songs to listen to so like.. love him now. Cant believe he knew all the social game hed need with me was just pretending to like my queen Autumn: We talked about her past games and it was basically me fangirlling about her ENDING eddie LOL. think we can work together because we both like intersectional feminism John: Tried talking to him but didnt go anywhere. But im gonna make it work!! Ive decided we'll be close so wooh Olivia: took 2 hours to respond to me. like musicals tho. kept ignoring me tho. Alivia outsold. Ali: PURE KING. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. NO ONE IS BETTER. I COULD NEVER TURN AGAINST HIM. SO IM GONNA NEED OTHERS TO DO IT FOR ME. Love his dog even tho i misgendered her but it wont happen again. Think we'll be close. reptiles stick together!!

WHEWIE. Okay I tried filming a video confessional, but my thoughts are such a mess, so I've decided writing it out will be considerably more coherent. YIKES SO. This season is already so wild, like this cast.... is gonna be a lot. I already can tell this season is going to have lots of fights and I don't know... how ready I am for that eeeek. But otherwise, my illiteracy means I don't understand the lottery twist so I love that. The returnee twist is fun though, like I feel like at the start of games, I go into panic mode, so having returnees I can go to about that, might make them feel like I'm an easy number and that they want to work with me? The people I knew before this season (like I'd actually spoken to): Bryce, Julia, Ashvika, Autumn & Olivia (I loosely knew Ricky, Blake & Sammy too) Within the game itself, the people I've had the best conversations with are Jose, Kat, Olivia, Ashvika & John. Olivia is like one of my favourite people in the community, and also a super good player so I'd love to work with her. I also think the fact that we are friends is something nobody in the cast should know (I think) so thats fun. Jose was such a big threat/player last season, and the vibe I get from him this time is he wants to tone that down? I'm not good at working with super cracked people, so him being slightly in the middle between UTR and cracked, will make him a super good person to work with I think. He is also the only person I've like...talked game with, even though its super limited, just that I wanna work with him. I'm a weirdo and watched all the Alola cast assessment stuff, and it sounds like Kat was playing really well, but got stuck in a funky position and couldn't recover, so I think she is gonna be a major threat this time and I'd love to work with her too woooo. Ashvika is a queen. Just plain and simple. She is so wholesome and nice, and already seems loosely on the same page as me, so thats iconic. John scares me ajkhsdfaslf. i think he is a total newbie, and I also think he is gonna get super cracked, and thats.... scary asdkjflas Dennis I just started talking to properly, he is in my timezone-ish, so that will be good for my sleeping pattern if he ever wins HoH or anything, but I worry he may struggle to make connections, so I'm not sure how much he can help me as an ally? The others I'm gonna try and do more rapid fire, since this confessional is already massive hjkasdflsaf: Alivia: Really really nice! We haven't spoken all that much, but she seems super friendly and she was really loyal in Unova, which makes me feel good about maybe working with her? Also Ali in the name? we love legends Ricky: Ricky is.... an interesting one ljaksdfla. He is a fun personality to have around, so I hope he sticks around. I'm not sure how invested he will be in any of these games, but I hope he gives it a good go woo Randy: Randy is gonna be such a threat already I can tell sahkjfdla Also he lowkey scares me, because whenever I would start pm'ing people on call yesterday, he would run to my pms asking why I wasnt pm'ing him which freaked me out sjkadflas. He seems fun though, and Dom stans him so we stan Julia (The Witch): An icon. A legend. An inspiration. Also terrifying skjahdfla. She mentioned all stars on call yesterday and my heart stopped, because I hated how I was in that game and dont want it talked about. I think she is gonna fight people and I don't especially want to get on her bad side! Roxy: Havent spoken to her much, it might be tricky talking to her, since we are both in weird timezones, we will see Bryce: A SWEETHEART. I love Bryce soo much. We worked together in a mini once, and it was super fun, so I'd love to work with him more. Zeezo: She seems super nice! I don't really know her, beyond that she is POVzo and probably a comp threat, but I think she will be fun. I know her and Bryce are friends so we will see where that goes jahdfka Sammy: Super nice! I loosely know him, but he seems like he will be good fun. I havent spoken to him much, so I hope he is gonna be active rip Lynn: I know of her from Moheli, and I know her and Blake were ride or dies which I am wary off.... Otherwise, she has been super quiet and I could see her.... potentially going early rip a queen Saxon: FUDGE. I havent spoken to him at all which is scary, since I feel like he probably already knows a lot of this cast, so if he wins RIP me I guess. Otherwise, he seems like a fun personality so wooo Jelaminah: Ummm. She is wild. Like really wild. I think I stan her, but I also am like.... concious that she is a lot, and its sometimes too much for me. I'm a bit annoyed by her tbh, but its just because she was like laughing at people's sexualities, as if she didnt believe them, and thats super ugly, but I couldn't exactly say anything to her. I think she is gonna be a super dominant personality, but whew we will see. Blake: I know he was a big player in Moheli, but I think he also rubbed people the wrong way.... We will see how he does, he seems iconic Autumn: A QUEEN. She is the most inactive so far which is worrying. I don't want her to go early. I could really see her going up this week, but maybe us two havent talked much, since she is just comfortable in our relationship? AND WHEW. Thats everything, if anyone read this, I love you for that. Otherwise, wooo I'm super nervous, I love my DR guests Owen and Emily and eek. We will see!

ahhh okay so, I’m super excited about meeting new people....BUT...this cast is so huge and I’m so nervous. I like everyone for the most part and I’ve been trying to like talk to some people I’ve played with in the past to maybe smoothe over some bad relationships? The only person I’m still like nervous about is Julia because she kills the straight men and she hates Gemini’s. AND WHAT AM I? A STRAIGHT MALE GEMINI. I don’t think she’s very good at comps tho and I know she would go for Bryce before me. Anyway I seriously love Kat because she is so genuine and I just want to work with her. Also I want to work with alivia, roxy, zeezo, Olivia, randy, Jela, ricky, and autumn! There’s a few others as well but I’ll prob do like a video DR and talk about how I feel about everyone...who knows.

Jose is officially my showmance and we stan asjdkfaslf. He is so nice and my favourite new person I've met in the cast anyway, and he won lots of comps last season so I'm ready for him to drag me to the end dlakjfasfa.

bryce better not fucking put me up or i'm gonna SHOOT 

wow so happy bryce is HoH!!!! perfect week one :$

I am actually really happy that bryce won this HOH bc that means my ass hole is safe! PRaise BE. MY showmance that was made by ALIVIA has saved my ass and partly to me sorta already knowing him through tara! BITHCH TARA LOLOVE UR ASSSS. ANd shoot idk what these gays are lookin at but ppl be sayin they think im cute. maybe its like when i look at a potato or like  a waffle fry??  who knows ahaha but like some of these boys be good lookin like damn. hit me and my crocs up boys ;P

I am not a bottom. ya dumb bitch

Bryce is nomming me for not playing in the hoh. Gurl gurl im not a newb who would buy up that excuse

Just say we arent alligned and im good with the other players and id belive you why would i buy that you, a player whose played a few games by now, would nom someone for abstainimg

Okay SO. I filmed a video confessional earlier, but its already super out of date so its time for an update! I have spoken to lots of people that I hadn't talked to since premiere night which is good, Alivia & Kat are so nice! Jose is, as always a king, and I think (other than Olivia) he is my closest ally rn, so woo we stan. Otherwise, I spoke to Bryce, and it seems like (praise be), I'm not getting nominated, WOO! He says he is nominating Roxy/Autumn, with Julia getting the future shock thingie. Like I told him, the future shock is kind of like a curse and we know Julia loves a good curse, so its a good matchup aljdfkas. Otherwise, these nominations make sense. I LOVE Autumn, but she has been the quietest person in the cast, so I assume she is gonna go first rip. Roxy I have spoken to a fair bit, but I know she is in a funky timezone, which probably throws off her ability to be active. Bryce seemed like he was being pretty open with me, so I hope I'm not the backup plan if somebody comes off. I feel like my social game is pretty strong so I wouldnt have thought people in the house would push for me as a renom and eI'd be suprised if I get nominated! Last but not least, the unfortunate thing is how MENINIST these nominations are akjsdfla, we are really putting the orre in discriminatorrey.

First DR of the game. I'm not going to do first impressions because I'm not that dry. The game started when I was put in this bitch, so I'm here to go at full force. I'm going to play a strong balance of a great 1 on 1 social game while still being a great personality people love. As of right now I'm being constantly dragged and roasted, and I wouldn't want it any other way. (But this is before HOH so the claws are bound to come over) So my game has been very social as of right now. Before HoH I focused on making genuine connections. I'm good with all the returnees at this point. None of them have beef with me, and I made it clear that I want to work with all of them (while this is farther from the truth). I'm just being diplomatic because there's some tension between the returnees that will have to be released soon. With the returnees I connected automatically with Zeezo. Me and her didnt even small talk its was just game talk from moment one. Thats a great relationship to have, and I'm definitely maintaining it. Jose and Alivia have been talking to me more. Jose has been more open with working with me than Alivia so : \\. All the returnees from Kanto-Sinnoh are here because theyre entertaining, the bitches from Unova-Alola would be casted for redemption but don't meet the criteria. I made an alliance with Jelaminah and Ricky. This is mostly because I need to be on Jelaminah's good side because I know the bitch knows how to play. So i would rather be scheming with her than against her. Ricky is just a number. On housecalls I saw that Jela was talking to Julia a lot. So I started talking to Julia a lot more. I surprisingly trust her a lot more than I thought I would. So me and her aren't beefing, but her and Bryce are. HOS20 affects this game because Julia and Saxon are aligned in this game and they're against Bryce and Sammy as of right now. I know Julia can drop a vendetta, but Saxon is just horrible about it. And I hate Saxon so much. He just gives me second hand embarassment and i dont know why. Like I'm so happy I've trained myself to hold my tongue because the shit he wears on housecalls actually make me laugh. He posted a picture of him shirtless and it was literally looking at rotten spam meat. Its not cute, and he is just so prude in pms because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me. I can make a separate DR about Saxon because he brings out all the hate and all the angst I had when I was in Johto. But going back to the topic Julia fought Sammy and Bryce ig and Saxon thinks Julia is right because he's a kissass and is a savvy feminist. I love Julia so her having beef isnt good. I talked to her and she said she didnt have good relations with Olivia, Bryce, Sammy, and Autumn. And i was shocked that this game is so against her, but this is great information because its something I can utilize. But those are her problems, and they dont affect me. If she wants to play with me she's gonna have to fix amends or take them out 1 by 1First DR of the game. I'm not going to do first impressions because I'm not that dry. The game started when I was put in this bitch, so I'm here to go at full force. I'm going to play a strong balance of a great 1 on 1 social game while still being a great personality people love. As of right now I'm being constantly dragged and roasted, and I wouldn't want it any other way. (But this is before HOH so the claws are bound to come over) So my game has been very social as of right now. Before HoH I focused on making genuine connections. I'm good with all the returnees at this point. None of them have beef with me, and I made it clear that I want to work with all of them (while this is farther from the truth). I'm just being diplomatic because there's some tension between the returnees that will have to be released soon. With the returnees I connected automatically with Zeezo. Me and her didnt even small talk its was just game talk from moment one. Thats a great relationship to have, and I'm definitely maintaining it. Jose and Alivia have been talking to me more. Jose has been more open with working with me than Alivia so : \\. All the returnees from Kanto-Sinnoh are here because theyre entertaining, the bitches from Unova-Alola would be casted for redemption but don't meet the criteria. I made an alliance with Jelaminah and Ricky. This is mostly because I need to be on Jelaminah's good side because I know the bitch knows how to play. So i would rather be scheming with her than against her. Ricky is just a number. On housecalls I saw that Jela was talking to Julia a lot. So I started talking to Julia a lot more. I surprisingly trust her a lot more than I thought I would. So me and her aren't beefing, but her and Bryce are. HOS20 affects this game because Julia and Saxon are aligned in this game and they're against Bryce and Sammy as of right now. I know Julia can drop a vendetta, but Saxon is just horrible about it. And I hate Saxon so much. He just gives me second hand embarassment and i dont know why. Like I'm so happy I've trained myself to hold my tongue because the shit he wears on housecalls actually make me laugh. He posted a picture of him shirtless and it was literally like  looking at rotten spam meat. Its not cute, and he is just so prude in pms because he obviously doesnt want to talk to me. I can make a separate DR about Saxon because he brings out all the hate and all the angst I had when I was in Johto. But going back to the topic Julia fought Sammy and Bryce ig and Saxon thinks Julia is right because he's a kissass and is a savvy feminist. I love Julia so her having beef isnt good. I talked to her and she said she didnt have good relations with Olivia, Bryce, Sammy, and Autumn. And i was shocked that this game is so against her, but this is great information because its something I can utilize. But those are her problems, and they dont affect me. If she wants to play with me she's gonna have to fix amends or take them out 1 by 1. Until then I'm going to spend my time with investments that are bound to pay off. Which are with the newbies. I've been spending a lot of time on Blake because Blake lives 20 minutes away from me. I'm trying to hold this down as secret as possible. He likes me, and I want to work with him so I'm just going to continue our friendship and ensure that we're a duo. He doesn't talk a lot in the housechat which is concerning to me, but he does hold very strong one on one relations with most of the house. Lynn is also a south carolina native, and she is just so infectious. She is very intimidated by the large cast meaning that she hasnt bonded that well with a lot of people. So i put two and two together and made a South Carolina alliance. I know Blake is genuine about it. But the main purpose of this alliance is to keep Lynn under my sphere of influence. I can't have no newbies on my side. No ma'am Another newbie who stands out for me is John. John is just really active, and such a social threat. Meaning that his word has saying. So far my relationship with him has been "hey let literally help you with anything and expect nothing in return". With him im trying to show myself as a puppet, or somebody who is very very useful with him. And I actually showed that this week when Bryce won HOH. Won't lie I didnt want but also wanted HOH at the same time. When Bryce won it I was very wary of what was going to happen. Then John comes up to me saying that Bryce is thinking of nominating him. And since I had a decent bond with Bryce I know that I had to save John. So when Bryce talked to me he was dead set as Roxy as the initial nom and target, and Julia for safety this week.  Then he mentioned that he was on the fence because he didnt know if he wanted Autumn or John nominated. So I told him the truth that it would be silly to nominate somebody as active as John. And so John wasn't nominated. I stuck my neck out for John and was one of the reasons he isn't nominated this week. And these game things build genuine trust since I'm not just talking to talk. I'm walking to walk and this game isn't ready for Randyy.

Hello ladies and gentlemen you're looking at the first nominee of the season waysup

Imma get to the bottom of this so ain't even worried. I just feel bad y'all didn't even get one happy confessional from me. We just jumped straight into poppin off. That's ok though! Nice for what am i rite

Bryce is full of shit and I'm embarrassed for him. Like who makes an enemy out of me on Day fucking 3? Really my guy? That's the first thing you thought of when you had 19 people to pick from? Apparently I'm getting nominated because the other 18 people in the cast talked to Bryce yesterday and I didn't. Not only do I not buy that, but we just not gonna acknowledge the fact that I talked to him on 2 of the 3 days the game has been going on so far? K cool. Today we learned unless Bryce feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you're not doing enough Also can we talk about how the "I'm so happy to play with you I always root for you" energy that Bryce was selling to me on day one didn't even last a round? Hiigghkey I feel like the people who know me in the cast are secretly happy cause they know I'm petty enough to take Bryce out and I'll have no problem taking the fall for it. Ali, Ashvika, Sammy, Julia, Olivia- they know I don't play that shit. Can you imagine being first HOH, using it on me, and then thinking I'm not mad at you because I "understand" that nominating me was "the easiest thing to do"?

SHIT YOUR BOI JUST DID THAT TONIGHT! IF U KNOW YOU KNOW. 😜😂

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

woo I'm on call with Autumn, Sammy, Jela & Dennis. THEY ARE SO FUN. I am back on the Jela stan train, she is actually super nice! I think I want Autumn to stay this week (and I think she could too)! Roxy is super sweet, but Autumn is a queen and the queen stays queen! Oh, I'm not using the veto too, its way too early to make a move and I don't know who would go up instead. I'm still SHRIEKING that I won that veto somehow kjlasdfa

CLICK HERE TO SEE RANDY’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

[5/9/18, 2:45:32 PM] Blake Sanders: do you want money?? [5/9/18, 2:45:41 PM] Blake Sanders: BC THE MONEY WANTS YOU! [5/9/18, 2:45:43 PM] alivia: do you wanna be rich??? [5/9/18, 2:45:53 PM] Blake Sanders: ^^^^^^ RICH [5/9/18, 2:45:58 PM] Blake Sanders: not just driving nice car rich [5/9/18, 2:46:07 PM] Blake Sanders: I mean using cheeta fur as toilet paper rich! [5/9/18, 2:46:15 PM] alivia: 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 [5/9/18, 2:48:20 PM] alivia: YOUVE BEEN HAND SELECTED [5/9/18, 2:48:31 PM] alivia: BECAUSE WE THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES [5/9/18, 3:07:19 PM] rixxy 🦄: Hi I just got off work [5/9/18, 3:07:23 PM] rixxy 🦄: what the FUCK is this? [5/9/18, 3:07:33 PM] alivia: DO YOU WANT MONEY??? [5/9/18, 3:07:52 PM] rixxy 🦄: i'm scared but absolutely [5/9/18, 3:07:58 PM] Blake Sanders: FUCK YA! [5/9/18, 3:07:58 PM] alivia: WE WANT YOUR HELP SCAMMING THIS HOUSE! [5/9/18, 3:08:09 PM] alivia: it’s good to be a little scared [5/9/18, 3:08:12 PM] rixxy 🦄: I definitely don't like where this is going. [5/9/18, 3:08:12 PM] Blake Sanders: MONEY WERE GOIN TO RULE THIS AND MAKE MONEY [5/9/18, 3:08:26 PM] Blake Sanders: BUT U WILL RIXXY [5/9/18, 3:08:31 PM] rixxy 🦄: god [5/9/18, 3:08:34 PM] Blake Sanders: <3 [5/9/18, 3:09:00 PM] lynnt: yes [5/9/18, 3:09:53 PM] alivia: you’re gonna be rich so you gotta live rich [5/9/18, 3:11:57 PM] Blake Sanders: There’s like a joining fee [5/9/18, 3:12:01 PM] alivia: yep [5/9/18, 3:12:09 PM] alivia: like scientology [5/9/18, 3:12:21 PM] alivia: but like this is real [5/9/18, 3:12:56 PM] rixxy 🦄: i'm not paying for this [5/9/18, 3:13:01 PM] rixxy 🦄: is this like a legit game thing? [5/9/18, 3:13:03 PM] rixxy 🦄: bc [5/9/18, 3:13:07 PM] lynnt: then imma opt out b/c this rich bitch is cheap and that’s why i’m rich [5/9/18, 3:13:55 PM] Blake Sanders: I mean we legit love u guys [5/9/18, 3:14:07 PM] rixxy 🦄: is this an alliance [5/9/18, 3:14:12 PM] rixxy 🦄: bc i'm uncomfortable and confused [5/9/18, 3:14:35 PM] alivia: woah woah woah [5/9/18, 3:14:41 PM] alivia: everyone calm down [5/9/18, 3:15:09 PM] alivia: don’t worry about the money. you can pay the joining fee AFTER we’re rich [5/9/18, 3:15:15 PM] alivia: don’t worry [5/9/18, 3:15:16 PM] rixxy 🦄: like i'm actually having an anxiety attack can you RATMEME.PNG literally..... WHAT???? blake and i were talking and started joking about being scammers bc sdfkal and then i was like "we should start a scammer alliance" and that's how it all started. we thought it would be SO funny if we just added them to a chat and started trolling them about scamming houseguests out of their money dljgdkfjg and i thought MAYBE lynn and ricky would be confused at first but ricky literally lost his mind like ooops my bad WE THOUGHT WE WERE FUNNY BUT I GAS NOT. [5/9/18, 3:16:08 PM] alivia: it’s a joke but kind of an alliance [5/9/18, 3:16:21 PM] alivia: but mostly a joke [5/9/18, 3:16:44 PM] rixxy 🦄: i literally thought i got dragged into some kind of game twist and i wouldn't play my own game god [5/9/18, 3:17:08 PM] alivia: omg WHAT [5/9/18, 3:17:19 PM] alivia: LITERALLY THE BIGGEST JOKE NOT SERIOUS [5/9/18, 3:17:25 PM] alivia: IMSORFY [5/9/18, 3:17:28 PM] rixxy 🦄: like i thought it was some saboteur/team america bullshit [5/9/18, 3:17:35 PM] alivia: omg noooo [5/9/18, 3:17:42 PM] rixxy 🦄: all i want to do is play the game and i literally thought that was snatched from me [5/9/18, 3:17:50 PM] alivia: HOW??? [5/9/18, 3:18:17 PM] rixxy 🦄: idk i thought y'all were a twist sdksksksksks sdfjsdl wow fuck me i gas??? my social game is really off to a great start!!! gotta get ricky outta here asap now

Right now i am on CAll with SAMMY SAM bc im bad at talking to multiple people at a time! SOOOOOO SAMMY is like wanting to be ym ally but like do i trust his ass??

CLICK HERE TO SEE JOSE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okayyyyy so this is definitely something different like bb is hard tbh. there's too many people to talk to and i just really don't care about continuing to keep up a convo with some of them but you have to or bye bye. i have definitely not been as social as most and that is def scary but the people that i have talked to and made connections are super nice. so that's why i was so glad when the people that won HOH and POV are people i talked to. uuhHHuh i have no fucking clue who i want to evict tonight so that's fun! ya know autumn is super nice and chill but she did go dark for a while and roxy is super fun and i still haven't heard ANY singing and i want to and she is campaigning really hard so she really wants to stay BUT since she's campaigning so hard to stay and kinda saying anything to EVERYONE who knows what she'll do to stay in the game later on. idk is it too early to be thinking about later in the game?? idkkk thanks for coming to my rambling ted talk. find out next time on if i've decided.

CLICK HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

OK SOOOO the eviction is coming up tonight and its either going to be Autumn or Roxy! NOw autumn is a super sweet queen but i feel like she will kill me if need be! but i still lvoe her! now roxy she is fighting for her life like she is making me promises i think she will not be able to keep. bc ive heard form other hosue guests she is making the same promises to them. NOW i love talkin to her about food and cooking but i feel awful that im most likely going to evict her! but o well it has to be done im glad its not me

i feel like i should give like a summary of like where i am with everyone and how i feel about them all before the first eviction! ALI: Well i first knew him because he reached out to me about a game he is gonna host. He like doesn't talk to me much which makes me nervous... I like him a lot but looks like we are just acquaintances atm. ALIVIA: OK I FREAKIN LOVE HER! SHE IS HILARIOUS! WE STARTED A ALLIANCE CHAT CALLED SCAMMERS R' US AND RICKY LEGIT FREAKED THE FUCK OUT AND WE WERE ALL LIKE WTF JUST HAPPENED HE IS INSANE! i hope i get to work with her a lot during this game and talk about ice cream! But i do see her stabbing me in the back later on so ill prob strike first. LOVE YA ASHVIKA: now this girl is a goddess she is beauty and she is grace! we talk like avg and stuff we have small chats nothing about gamewise. I see her as not being a threat as in targeting people or winning HOH i see her as a social threat. I think she will go far but not win she will def be jury. I think she is amazing tho and shes a model soo like i want to be her. AUTUMN: Now Autumn is a delight to be around so sweet and seems so pure but she will kill me i just know it. She's the beautiful flower in the garden that turns into a man eating plant <3 she is temptation and i may fall for it BLAKE: ive been told i was a certified good boy BRYCE: Now i knew him b4 this game bc of my friend TARA LOVE YOU BITCH <3 ! i think he will keep me around but idk if our bond is tight enough. i dont think he will choose to evict me yet. but other thsn that i want to work on having a closer bond with him for sure! DENNIS: I like dennis he just iidk theres not alot to say? me adn him talk about video games and stuff but whenever i talk to him i like forget like why im talkin to him lol! but he is super chill! JELAMINAH: THIS WOMAN <3 IS AMAZINGLY FUNNYY! SHE IS ONE PERSONALITY I WANT TO GET ON MY SIDE~! she is hilarious amd an amazing person i want to work with her sooo bad! i talk to her in oms sometimes but she is more of a on call person i believe or she just doesn't wanna talk to me ahah . O AND JELA I TAKE BACK TO WHO I THINK THE CUTEST BOY HERE IS ! JOHN : I love john! me and him talk trash about  random things and it is hilarious! i hope he feels as close to me as i am to him! i feel like we can work together in the long run. JOSE: Ive only talked to Jose just a little bit so im worried if he ever wins HOH bc i may be nominated! so i better get my ass into high gear and talk to him more. other than that i remebr him as the guy who someone hit his fence with a car. JULIA: NOW i have heard things about this girl! like that she is ana amzing player and i better watch out for her! IM SO SORRY JULIA BUT U R ON MY HITLIST! AND SADLY U NEVER U LEFT ME ON READ IN MY PMS RUDE~! KAT:I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT KAT BUT WE JUST STARTED TALKING TODAY AND WE HELPED names each others plants! she is a precious person and i love her! she is so funny! i want to work with her for this game! LYNN: YALL THIS IS MY BITCH ! I LOVE YOU LYNN WE PLAYED IN MOHELI TOGETHER AND AFTER THAT IT WAS HISTORY WE BECAME BEST FRIENDS VISITING EACH OTHER AND STUFF! SHE ONLY LIED 2 HOURS FROM ME WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL I SAW HER ALL THE TIME! I AM MOST DEF WORKING WITH HER! SHE IS MY BESTFRIEND! <3 LOVE U OLIVIA: OK WELL IDK MUCH bout her. ummmm i talked to her a little im ttrying to become her ally but its not really workign she wont talk to meee!! RANDY: omg i have not heard good things about him.... i shouldve been told these things sooner omg! i feel like he hates me he might! we live in the same city and live like 15 mins away! omg rip rip rip . he goes to my old highdchool! thats crazy af! im working wiht him rn but i i think im going to nom him in the middle of the game or try to get him out around then. sorry randy! also hes been giving me the cold shoulder and not talkin to me which is rude. adnwe r in an alliance chat bro. come on really... RICKY: TBh u annoy me. everything i like u say its dumb or u don't like it. i say goodmorning/afternoon to u adn u say its morning its not even close to afternoon whatre u doing. AND IM LIKE WTF HAV U NEVER HEARD OF TIMEZONES! LIKE HELLLLLO! damn just we are not compatible people and well if i ever win HOH ill prob nom him. ROXY: DAMN BITCH I CAUGHT U IN A LIE AND U DONT KNOW ABOUT IT! THIS IS THE REAOSN IM VOTIN TO EVICT U IM SORRY OMG IM GOIN TO MISS TALKIN TO U ABOUT FOOD! ur sooo sweet omg and u hav a lovely voice! SAMMY: I have been told not to trust him bc he is a snake. But shit he is one of my closest allies now! like we talked for hours on call and watched survivor it was such a cute little date! GOD i hope he doesnt betray me ill cry so much! i mean he might but like i dont wanna back stab him.... yet <3 SAXON: who r u?? talked like never. ur probably nice?? ZEEZO: Girl u be freakin lynn out with eveyrhting u saying to and about her! soo idk like aht to do wiht u ahahah prob get u nominated?? SORRY IM A LOSER AND DIDNT MAKE A VID I LOOK LIKE A THUMB ATM <3

what bitch Randy, 3:05 PM hola 3:05 PM you never sent me a pm Randy, 3:05 PM ur coll bc you aint never talk about interesting shit 3:05 PM uh huh Randy, 3:05 PM tf am i supposed to reply to "yea" 3:06 PM sorry I'm not your source of entertainment you twink I was busy with my life Randy, 3:06 PM wow this is something we can TALK ABOUT Randy, 3:06 PM what did you do I kinda snapped sorry Randy

Are u gonnaget ur tattoo coloured? :0 or will it be lines? Rn im hungry waiting for ma burger heh 9:21 PM It’s just lines henny 👑, 9:23 PM Sweet! What inspires the one u chose? 👑, 6:35 AM Hey saxon! I wanted to wait to speak to you in person but im tired and sorta not feeling well so i cant stay up. I wouls love it id you vote me to stay!! I really enjoy this game and im a p loyal ally! Im active and have jackbox too xd. Ill try be up at least 2 hours bfr eviction if you wanna chat about the vote! 👑, 3:03 PM Morning 3:03 PM Hiya 👑, 3:03 PM Hows it going? 3:04 PM fine busy 👑, 3:04 PM Ripp with what m? 3:05 PM a 5 page paper 👑, 3:06 PM Ew Wtf 3:06 PM ye 👑, 3:06 PM Just quit school. Death sound sbetter than that Hshsbs 3:10 PM i omg 👑, 3:11 PM Lmfao Man now my eviction worries seem meaningless 3:14 PM Why is that? 👑, 3:15 PM :o cause your   5 page thing is gross :o have you started on it or still got a ways to go? 3:20 PM I still got a ways to go 👑, 3:20 PM yikes 👑, 3:20 PM how are you feeling about this week? like hame wise Roxy I think you're a lovely person but holy fuck can you just please shut up sometimes when you know someone is busy

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PT 1 OF BRYCE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PT 2 OF BRYCE’S VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

I'd say it was an effective campaign xoxo Summer Shrek

CAST ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE WEEK 1 CAST ASSESSMENT!