#*plane autocorrect

[zvaigzdelasas]

I think marxist materialism can be summarized as "a denial of the existence of unembodied universals"

[r0b0b0t-hjkl]

emo milkplane

art block is hitting a little diff so take this old(ish) drawing

Time Taken: 2 hours and 46 minutes

[kirsctein]

is there some tv show where in the pilot episode all planes fall from the sky at the same time??? like I guess there could be several but. I just had a dream about that and was sure it’s from some show but can’t remember

[cy-cyborg]

So, there's a lot I want to say about the paralypics, but every time I try I just... can't articulate what I want to say without it turning into a monster of a post that puts my writing advice posts to shame lol. This includes in response to the anonymous asks I got on the topic btw. So I'm going to try and summarise my thoughts here.

As someone who was working towards the Rio paralympics - who was basically one of the people they were actively training to be the next paralympians and who got to go if their choice first athletes had to drop out, the Olympics and paralympics are a... touchy subject for me. I loved playing. I loved my sport. I loved the people I played with. I loved the people I played against. But the way the public and people in power treats disabled athletes sucks. It Really really sucks. and it hurts to talk about.

The vast, vast majority of us aren't paid. We are expected to train at the same intensity as the Olympians with none of the breaks and none of the support to do so, resulting in injuries that are disabling in and of themselves, while juggling normal jobs. many of the paralympians are also in school or at university as well. both schools and jobs see these elite athletes as dedicated hobbiests at best.

I had a friend who were fired from their job because they were denied time off to compete at the paralypics and well, if i had to choose between the paralympics or stay at a shit job paying minimum wage, I know which one I'd pick, and so she didnt have a job when she came back. I have friends who are still in the closet because their sponsors would drop them if they came out as gay, who ended years-long relationships to keep the funding that allowed them and their teams to compete - funding that just covered the costs of travel by the way. They never saw a cent of it themselves, but it was the difference between us having to pay $50 each for our plane tickets and accommodation and having to pay $2,000Aud + for every away game. I have friends who were supposed to go to Tokeyo but were kicked off the teams weeks before the games because of a rule change that decided they weren't disabled enough anymore, wasting years of work with absolutely no warning. They weren't even given the decency of an appology from the people who made the call. Several went through terrifying mental health spirals over it. It was their life's work, gone. I saw so many friends just give up because their disabilities were "too hard to classify" into the International Paralympic Commity's boxes and who were made to feel they weren't welcome by the system spouting off about its diversity and inclusion and empowerment of disabled people.

And then with all that, the best we can hope for is for the social media teams to turn us into a joke for ableds to laugh at or into inspiration porn to make them feel good about themselves - because at least theyre not us. Because obviously, there are no other options in how to show us/sarcasm.

My phone doesn't even have "paralympics" as a recognised word. I have a Samsung. The company that is currently at the paralympics using them as a marketing opertunity. We aren't even recognised as a word in the phones made by the company that is currently using the paralympics as a marketing opportunity. The phones they're giving the athletes won't even recognise the name of the event that they got it at. If I've spelt it wrong, it's because it autocorrects it every time I try to spell it right, and im dyslexic and can't see the difference until I stare at it for a minute or so.

I just... this isn't even scratching the surface of my thoughts. But I wanted to say at least some of it. It will be the last I'm going to talk about it, at least until the event is over.

[prettyyy-boyyy]

i am so very tired

[thejaymaniac]

Got a new microsoft computer recently and the notes app just fucking autocorrected me

The sanctity of the txt file editor has been tarnished, perverted and corrupted. Windows 11 is a direct creation of the demiurge. its sourcecode is a page ripped from the necronomicon. it is a plague and cancer upon this plane

[yuurivoice]

when is autism sleep aid comin outttttt? 😛

also, how is the writing/planing for shattered going?

Lord help me, did your autocorrect turn Auron into austism..........because lmfao

I'll probably cook that up soon but I'm exhausted today and it's a bad time to ask me about anything work related because I am overcome with despair (eepy) and really stressed out (the world doesn't revolve around me) so all of my answers are pretty bleak.

Shattered is chilling. I had a big breakthrough with Echoes so I'm chasing that while it's fresh. I have to solve a couple of threads I'm pulling with Shattered and I kinda hate everything I've thought of, which is exactly where I was at with Echoes a couple weeks ago.

That being said...

...if you really want some updates, you should not miss Finn's birthday stream on Thursday.

[operationslipperypuppet]

so obviously getting out of shadowfell is a Problem that duck team has to resolve. and there are many possibilities, both that i’ve thought of and that i haven’t. but

*probable (i blame autocorrect for this)

again this is personal opinion, not what you think will happen, i’m just curious.

[gavamont]

I found that plane of existence with infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters. Pretty chill place, they only have to be on the typewriters for 6 hours a day, and they get regular breaks throughout.

Even so, I did find the monkey that wrote Hamlet and kidnapped her. Put her at my own enchanted typewriter with autocorrect so I wouldn’t have to worry about spelling and punctuation use, but the moment she started typing she just filled page after page with the sentence “banana in a hand, gun in another, gonna find that writer man, and make him food for buzzard”

I’m gonna return this monkey…

[ynbabe]

The Flash x male!reader :- pt.2 incorrect quotes

Barry, joking: Two brooooos! Y/n, going along: Chillin' in a hot tub! Barry: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay! Y/n: Barry: Y/n: *tearing up* Barry: Babe, c'mon... Y/n: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING. Barry: Babe...

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I love you. Barry, not paying attention: What was that? Y/n: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry, after Y/n saved his life multiple times: I owe you one. Y/n, ex villain, who got hunted by the team after those times: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: Are you trying to seduce me? Y/n: Why, are you seducible?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry, in the cortex: Wow, Y/n, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. Y/n, tired of his shit: We literally slept together yesterday. Barry, ignoring cisco and caitlin’s shocked pikachu faces: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: Bro, I had a dream we fucked. Barry: Bro, relax it was just a dream. Y/n: Huh, gay, I wouldn’t fuck you. Barry: You wouldn’t? Y/n: I mean, unless you want to-

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: Are you ready to commit? Y/n, ex villain: Like, a crime or a relationship?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: The stars are so beautiful... Barry: They're just giant balls of gas. Y/n: Aww man, Barr that’s not what I- Barry: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. Y/n: Oh...

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: When are we gonna fuck? Barry: What? Y/n: Oh sorry autocorrect. When are we gonna hang out? Barry: First of all that two words isn't even close to each other. And second of all, this is a verbal conversation..

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry, after catching an evil speedster: The best revenge, really, is being nice! Y/n, ex evil speedster, now in love with Barry: [in the distance] Or murder.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: I have a problem Y/n, after being locked in the accelerator jail for a month: does it involve me? Barry: no, but-- Y/n: then suffer in silence

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people? Cisco: Plane tickets? Barry: Concert tickets? Y/n: Prostitution? Caitlyn, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: Wake me up… Cisco: Before you go go! Barry: When September ends… Y/n: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions? Cisco: Put spaghetti in it. Caitlyn: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you. Barry: Put spaghetti in it. Caitlyn: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two. Y/n: Put spaghetti in it. Caitlyn: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Caitlyn: I think Y/n was right. Cisco: I'm surprised he hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.' Barry: He wouldn't do that. Y/n: You're right, Barry. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that. Y/n: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Y/n Told You So' on the back*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: Have you seen a person named 'Y/n' around here? Dr.Wells: Ugh, yes. He made a horrible mess of the blood fountain. Cisco: It looks fine to me? Caitlyn: IT USED TO BE WATER!!!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Barry: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Y/n: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Barry: ... Barry: You mean ring bearER, right? Y/n: ... Barry: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

[arxxq]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷"I still have to get to work—" "yeah right as if I'm letting you go,"

╰┈➤ ❝ [Well it seems like you're going to skip a day of work all thanks to your loving boyfriend. Let's just hope you don't get fired..] ❞

This is just something short I came up last minute. I recently made a list of what I'm planing to post so this is part of my list. Before I forget this is aged up 18+ but not nsfw.

It was another day. You woke up with the sight of you're pretty yet lazy boyfriend still asleep. As much as you want to stay in bed you know you can't. I mean you can't miss work multiple times and I don't think your boss actually believes in your excuses and I don't think he would like that at all. You're quite surprised how you're not fired yet.

If you're wondering why you've missed days in work well I'd suggest you ask Nagi Seishiro for that. It's usually because of him. Most of the time you'd miss work only because you can't manage to be able to say "no" to your boyfriend. He's kinda a weakness of yours now.

You sighed as you tried to get out of the bed. Keyword there is "tried" because the moment you were about to get out of the bed, two strong arms went to pull your body back to bed. Yep your boyfriend's arms. "Sei..can you please let go?" You pleaded but sadly he sort of ignored it "Hmm don't go just yet.." he slurred out his words since it seems to you he was still half asleep.

You tried to escape his strong but loose grip but unfortunately it's Nagi we're talking about, he's quite strong you know. Sighing you decided to try and reason with him.

"sei.." you called out and he responded with a "hmm..yes dove?" "You know I still have to get to work—" your sentence was cut off immediately. "Yeah right as if I'm letting you go."

"You're staying and that's final, and don't worry..if you get fired that doesn't matter, I can manage to pay the bills my own trust me," glaring at your boyfriend you groaned. "Now just stay in bed with me a little longer..kay?" Yep you really need to learn how to say "no" to him..but you know what, maybe staying in bed with him for a little longer isn't that bad. Let's just hope you won't get fired.

Istg..autocorrect keeps on changing Nagi's name to "Magi" so I'm sorry if you saw that.

Anyways I'll work on the others I have plan.

Thank you for your time :)

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Thanks to @canadianlucifer for the ships questions :>

MORE aidlyn because I just. Need this for my mental health guys.

Actually I've been thinking about doing stuff for other ships?? But idk let me know if yall wanna see that ^_^

1. Who would ask the other "would you still love me if i was a worm?" And what would the others reaction be?

...You guys know Aiden would ask 💀 He also asks stuff like "would you love me if I was a shoe" and other bullshit. Ash just looks at him like "...what."

2. Who plans the best dates?

Depends on your definition of best. Aiden plans all the cool/exciting stuff and he actually has the money for all the stuff he wants to do with her. Ash's dates are more romantic, if only by virtue that they're in quiet places where they can be alone. Tho neither of them plan dates a lot they just kinda end up alone together lol

3. Who's the best at carnival games?

Aiden's been to a lot of carnivals and he's a good shot with a BB gun! Ash doesn't really like carnivals (overstimulating) but she's good at the fish pond and ring toss.

4. Who drags the other onto rollercoasters?

Aiden LOVESSSS rollercoasters so much, its a great way to get his adrenaline up! He'll ask Ash a lot to go on one too, but he won't force her (rollercoasters are *really* loud, especially all the people screaming, and he wouldn't make her do anything that causes her pain)

5. Who does the most chores?

Ash is pretty strict about chores, and she makes sure any household stuff is evenly split between them, but...I mean, she helps Aiden with his own chores cuz he's really bad at cleaning and stuff 🫠

6. Who gets drunk faster?

At some point in the future: Depends what you mean. Aiden has a higher tolerance but he would also drink WAAAAAY more than Ash ever would, so he would get drunker "quicker", but if they were drinking exactly the same Ash would get tipsy faster (vertically challenged struggles fr 😔)

7. Who watches more reality TV?

Aiden likes all that crap like Big Brother and stuff, watches reruns at night when he can't sleep.

8. Who is more likely to insist their way is the best way, even though objectively its the worse?

Ash is more stubborn than Aiden is but her way is probably waaaay better than Aiden's way 🤡 Aiden might insist for a bit but he also finds arguing to be kinda boring so eventually he would drop it

9. Who believes in ghosts?

Ash doesn't believe in ghosts at all, and Aiden is really into the idea of ghosts and would LOVE evidence, but he also doesn't believe in them.

10. Who texts the other memes?

I don't think Ash has texted a meme to anybody in her entire life. So...Aiden.

11. Who makes the most typos/autocorrect mistakes?

Aiden because he types really fast and he doesn't bother to fix the mistakes lol

12. Who's the nervous flier?

Ash has never been on a plane, and she doesn't like doing stuff that's outside her comfort zone, so she's the more nervous flier. Aiden doesn't like flying but only because it means he needs to sit still for more than an hour and he cant do that shit happily 🤡

13. If they had matching profile pictures would they be cute/funny/weird?

Aiden would beg to match pfps because he's an absolute dork. it can't be anything too weird because like...Ash isn't into that. Would probably be smth really basic like Hello Kitty and Tuxedo Sam or whatever (he's Hello Kitty) if Ash even wanted to do it.

14. Who is better at writing formal emails?

Thank you discord for helping me settle this. We settled on Aiden because his parents/tutor definitely would have taught him how to do that so they could be in contact/to teach him about their job. Ash only does them for school and they end up really short and simple.

15. Who steals the others food?

Aiden always offers Ash his food, so she doesn't even need to steal 🤡 Aiden will do it mostly to mess with her lol

16. Who is more willing to commit murder for the other?

Lol. Guess. :)

17. When their kid is chanting "McDonalds!" Who is joining the chant, who is saying there's food at the house, and who is pulling up to order a single black coffee and leave?

Aiden is joining the chant because he's always up for McDonalds, but Ash is driving and she's driving home 😭

18. Who uses the most slang?

Aiden unironically

19. Who uses emoticons?

Aiden feels a spiritual connection with the smiley face emoticon

20. Who'd slay at the Met Gala?

Um they'd both slay 🤭 But Ash would slay harder I mean have you seen her fits??? I literally wanna steal her closet omg

[klm-zoflorr]

Marley incorrect quotes: Partie Onze

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: If Hange was turned into a sentient Titan, do you think she would eat one of us just to try it out?

Mikasa: Without question, without hesitation, and without remorse.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Gabi, I heard from Magath you got kicked out of a class for using the c-word. That wasn't clever, was it?

Gabi: No, it was cunt.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: Jump out of a plane with a parachute and you'll be happy for ten to fifteen minutes

Connie: Jump out of a plane without a parachute and you'll be happy for the rest of your life

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Petra: When are we gonna kiss?

Levi: What?

Petra: Oh sorry autocorrect. When are we gonna hang out?

Levi: First of all those two words aren't even close to each other. And second of all, this is a verbal conversation.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Instructor Shadis, can you assist me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason and I don't know where they went

Historia, wearing a white button-up shirt that's twice her size: Huh, spooky.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: I’m in love with you.

Porco: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Reiner: I know.

Porco: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: Love story for the ages! Enemies to lovers, 150k, slowburn! Buy one get one free!

Porco: Why are you promoting us?

Marcel: Well someone has to have more than two braincells in this relationship, and it's not gonna be me, so I'm finding you an investor.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mr. Yaeger: Remember Zeke, never talk to strangers

Young Zeke: Does this include Mom and Dad?

Mr. Yaeger: I-

Zeke: Does this include Mr. Xaver, the man who practically raised me one baseball game at a time?

Mr. Yaeger: Well-

Zeke: What about if the police arrests me? Should I not talk to them either??

Mr. Yaeger, wiping away a stray tear: You're way too bright for your age, way too aware. Oh, my brave little soldier...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: Pieck's dog died

Porco: So to cheer her up I'm thinking about getting her an identical one?

Zeke: What is she going to do with two dead dogs??

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Well I was just thinking, if we're all sterile the other countries won't want to attack us since we wouldn't be a threat anymore-

Hange/Historia/Eren/Any Eldian with a goddam ounce of sense and no self-flagelling tendencies: Is it crack? Is it crack you smoke?? Are you fucking serious?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Annie! I don't want to fight you.

Annie: I wouldn't wanna fight me either!

Armin: Annie!

Annie: Sorry. Yes you can use my shampoo.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy

Yelena: I would wish it on Eren tho. Fuck you, Eren. You know what you did.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Sorry if I'm not your cup of tea.

Historia:You're not even your own cup of tea.

Ymir: You're barely a cup and you don't like tea.

Historia:You're more like a rusty bucket of haunted bog water.

Reiner: Sorry if I'm not your rusty bucket of haunted bog water.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: *at Magath's funeral, kneeling and whispering at his coffin*

Zeke: Who's thinking outside the box now, uh?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: Wait, how many kids do you even have?

Erwin: Biologically, emotionally or legally?

Hange: Well now I'm curious...

Erwin: Biologically: Too many to count. Papa's had his adventurous youth...

Erwin: Legally: About the entirety of the Survey Corps, plus a few strays from the Military Police. I have to feed, house them, and make sure they don't get their heads bitten off by titans after all... Plus, half of them are orphans already and I am their sole provider.

Erwin: Emotionally: I don't like any of you bitches.

Annie: Wahh, wahh. So sad.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: You’re my closest friend. I mean, we share a toothbrush.

Connie: I was not aware of that.

Sasha: We do!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: Hey, you guys wanna play a game?

Annie: *serves everyone a cup of coffee*

Annie: The game's called "Don't Let Me Down". Don't drop anything *runs towards Mikasa*

Mikasa: *catches Annie, managing to balance out both the chick and the coffee perfectly*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, running towards Jean: Hey, catch me, horseface!

Jean: *Panics, drops coffee and doesn't catch Eren*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: *drops coffee and grabs Sasha*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: *dives out of Reiner's way*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: *Tries to save both Historia and the coffee, ends up spilling it all over himself, transforms into a titan, blows everything up in a one-mile radius*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Hey Pieck, do you know where I've put my socks, you know, the green ones with little grenades?

Gabi: Wait.

Gabi: Are you making Sims of the entire Warriors unit??

Pieck: Yes, I'm also going to recreate the compound to house them all. Do you want to join me?

Gabi: Scooch over I have an idea for one of Magath's outfits

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colt: Guys we need to- what are you doing?

Gabi:

Pieck:

Colt: Is that us as sims?

Pieck: ... Might be

Colt, sitting down next to them: Who's in the lead for most fires started while trying to make a garden salad?

Gabi: Annie's Sim, with 12 times so far

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: Just so you all know what you're dealing with, I'm the kind of guy who saves manually before hitting "save & quit" when I play the Sims

Gabi: ...you could have "saved" this one for your therapist, we don't want to hear about your mental illnesses

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: This is such a stupid game.

Pieck: I had us go on a date chasing vampires and defeating a giant basement plant and then kissing under the moonlight. You're wearing an integral bear costume and using your extreme charisma to scam people out of money. Try again?

Zeke: It's... alright, I guess.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: Why isn’t there a pregnant barbie doll?

Hange: Because Ken came in a different box

Erwin: grOss-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: I feel like doing something stupid.

Armin: I’m something stupid. Do me.

Mikasa: Aw, Armin, you're not THAT stupid...

Armin:

Armin: ... What do you mean, not "that" stupid??

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Kenny: Why the fuck did the government put out a ‘Flee on Sight, Do Not Engage’ order about me for the whole populace??

Kuchel: I don't know, why would they be afraid of a man nicknamed "Kenny the Ripper"?

Uri Reiss: You terrify them. An Ackerman with guns and no regard for casualties is too much for them to handle.

Kenny: What a bunch of bitches. Don’t they know I only go after the Military Police?

Uri Reiss: Yeah. But according to sightings, you always look like you want to shoot whoever you come across off. No one wants to chance it. See? *shows picture taken when Kenny last went to get groceries*

Levi, peering at the picture, confused: That’s just Kenny’s normal face. Why would they think he wants to shoot them?

Kuchel: Because Kenny always looks like he wants to shoot someone.

Kenny: I have resting sniper face.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: You have never seen Star Wars? Bro, the only people in the universe who haven’t seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and that’s cause they lived them, Historia! That’s because they lived the Star Wars!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie: I'm selling my pet python. Anyone interested?

Jean: Is it massive?

Connie: It's huge

Jean: How many feet?

Connie: None. It's a snake, you twat.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck, putting her hands over Annie's eyes: Guess who!

Annie: It's either Pieck or the cold, clammy hands of death.

Pieck, pulling her hands away: It's me!

Annie: Dammit.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: You can’t shoot and kill Sasha just like that!

Gabi: Actually, I can. I totally can. I have guns and hands and a total lack of self preservation and everything.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done.

Armin: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Eren: They're not.

Armin: Haha, very funny.

Eren: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Armin: No... what happened?

Mikasa: ...Why would you fall for this again-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, working as a cashier: *Ringing up Jean's groceries, a banana, an apple and two eggs* You must be single

Jean: Wow, how did you know that?

Eren: Because you're ugly.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Time to do some sketchy shit ~dah-daaaaah-dah-dahhhh-doooooh~

Berthold: Hope we get away with it ~dah-daaaah-dah-dahhhhh-dooooh~

Annie: Stop singing and come help me with this gate you morons, old McDonalds' farm isn't gonna sabotage itself

Marcel: ...~dah-daaah-dah-dahhhhh-dooooh~

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: All women are queens

Eren: If she breathes she's a hoe

Mikasa: *pointing at Eren* I want this one

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: Is that you who tagged "tw animal abuse" under the selfie I just posted?

Eren:

Eren: ...no

Jean: Why'd you do that?

Eren: Builds character

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: Hey son, want to hear a pizza joke?

Grisha: Nevermind, it's too cheesy

Zeke: I am selling you to the authorities first chance I get Father.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: Don't be pepper-phony, don't betray your old man like that! It's the yeast you can do.

Zeke: I don't know whether to scream at you or never talk to you again

Grisha: You know what happened to the last guy who was indeSLICEsive like that? He pastaway.

Zeke:

Grisha: There’s mushroom for improvement, son

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels

Colt: Why?

Falco: Sometimes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: Why are you on the floor?

Historia: I'm depressed.

Historia: Also I was stabbed, can you call an ambulance please

Ymir, barrelling in: You were WHAT?? Whose ASS do I need to KICK??

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: I forgot my pizza in the oven

Grisha : Burned 2000 calories today

Zeke: AAAAARGGGGGG

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha, at a restaurant in Paradis: Is my pizza gonna be long?

Carla: No, all our pizzas are round.

Grisha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I love the pizza jokes, Dad! More!

Grisha, patting his head: That's why you're my favorite son. You're such a fungi.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Favorite? Dad, I'm your only son.

Grisha: ...yes, I meant between you and the dog- Mikasa. Between you and Mikasa.

Eren: Oh, okay.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: You’re alright for an old guy.

Levi: I’m not really that old.

Mikasa: ...You keep telling yourself that.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi on her first day as a vampire hunter: Wow this is easy

Gabi on her first night as a vampire hunter: Oh no

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: *jumps out of a huge cake* Surprise, my Queen! It is I, your most loyal vassal!

Historia: I was expecting my husband.

Sasha: Twenty years we've known each other, Historia, and now you don't want to see me pop out of a cake. I'm offended.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: Oh, right, I should have mentioned this at the beginning.

Levi, leaning in like he's about to tell a secret: I solve my problems through violence.

Erwin: *gesturing wordlessly at the pile of bodies he left behind*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?

Grisha: Sure.

Grisha: But the dining room would probably be more comfortable

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I like your smile.

Mikasa: Hn.

*Later*

Mikasa: What does it mean?

Armin: That he likes your smile?

Mikasa: But like in what way? Platonically? Affectionately? Romantically?

Armin: I don't know!

*Much later*

Eren: You know Mikasa best-

Armin: No I don't. I've never met her.

Eren: What does it mean when she says "Hn." After I tell her I like her smile? Is she starting to forgive me?

Armin: *sighs*

Armin: It means she appreciates the compliment.

Eren: But in what way? Platonically? Affectionately? Romantically?

Armin: I DON'T KNOW. Go bother your brother, relationship advice is what older siblings are for!!

Eren: The last time I asked Zeke he called me a moley dumbfuck and asked for Levi to come execute him

Armin: I'm sure he didn't mean it. Ask him again, he probably changed his mind.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: People like to say, “you can't love someone unless you love yourself first". Well I call bullshit on that. I have never loved myself. But Historia? I love Historia so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Carla: I brought Eren to the park this afternoon.

Grisha: So?

Carla: While he was on the playground, I saw he was about to hit his head so I told him to duck.

Carla: He quacked at me. And then hit his head.

Grisha, holding a crying Eren: Oh.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Jean wakes up in the hospital after being in a vertical maneuvering equipment crash*

Hange: I have some good news and some bad news.

Jean: Okay, what's the good news?

Hange: We managed to save your penis

Jean: That's great. And the bad news?

Hange: It's in this jar

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, trying on Hange's glasses: How do I look??

Hange, squinting: I have no clue

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: Please don't make jokes about crucifixion.

Sasha: Unless you really nail the execution.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch: Your insolence has gone too far!

Connie: Wrong. It can go a lot further.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: I just realized that the word “seven” has ‘even’ in it.

Historia: That’s odd.

Erwin: Get out.

Historia: I'm the Queen! Hey! *She gets thrown out the room*

Historia, grumbling: I'm gonna make this our motto just to piss him off

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Preparing for his date with Levi*

Mika Zacharias: Final question. Your dinner date starts at seven. What time do you arrive?

Erwin: Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not I gotta kill him. Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30

Mike: You’re ready

Erwin: Really?

Mike: No. Everything you just said was insane and we are out of time.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: I think it has its charm... Levi would love the attention to details.

Nanaba: Nobody asked you, you're cackling-witch-level insane on a good day.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Are you guys flirting or fighting?!

Hange: Flirting

Zeke: Fighting

Hange: ...Right. That's what I meant to say.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: I’ve come to offer you some friendly advice.

Annie: I really don’t want your advice.

Marcel: ...Well then consider it unfriendly advice.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: I'm Commander Theo Magath.

Gabi: Theo Magath? That's your name?

Commander Magath: Uh, yeah...

Gabi: You could do so much better than that. I’m going to call you Sparkle Sunshine.

Reiner: Gabi, that's rude

Gabi: ...Sorry. Commander Sparkle Sunshine.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: After Pieck found my letters I had to come clean and tell her I was cheating

Zeke: She said she'll never play scrabble with me again :'(

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yes, Grisha really is a lucky guy. Lost his old marleyan pun-hating family, found a new one who appeciates him and his pizza puns. Goals!

More incorrect quotes

[smugpugchimera]

I just had a curious angel design idea Some Angels are described covering themselves with wings, for whatever reason. In my line of thought, I imagine Anel's form has a "filter" that covers all of their *incomprehensible* bits with "wings". Now it works as a kinda autocorrect for the mind of the perceiver, and *wings* can be whatever is functionally, linguistically or visually falls under the broad umbrella. Bug wings- perfectly acceptable! Flying fish fins- yeah sure? Wing of a plane- yeah. Wing of a building- why not? You get the idea

[blitzy-blitzwing]

Im sorry but the last anon "does blitz car?" Made me snort

No, Blitzy not car. Blitzy plane and tank. :V

Autocorrect suck. 🤣🤣

[shaunashipman]

The bee-nado has to be the thing that the plane crashed!! Cause the big crush was the plane I think

yeah I've decided the bee-nado (is that an actual word or have I just used it so much my phone autocorrects to it) is gonna pick something up and chuck it at the plane when it's taking off, and that plane is going to crash into other planes, and maybe the airport itself