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angstymarshmallow · 3 years

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Part ii: in between searching and remembering - logan x mc/colt kaneko x mc.

[a little note: posting before I can second guess myself. I’m really diving into this story now and setting up little things as I go along. I hope you like it! :)]

[words counted: 3426] Part i

There’s a dull ringing in her ears. It starts at a low frequency, then gradually becomes loud. Louder and louder until it’s blocking out the rough beats of Skrillex and Colt’s half-yelled words that’s a half-hearted attempt in catching her attention. Even the vibrations in her chest can’t seem to distract her from how loud the ringing is.

Then his hands – Colt’s hands are there, gripping her tight enough for the elastic band of reality to come snapping back. No, no, no. The words are on repeat inside her head, chasing down the desperation to cling onto something other than her own fear. “..What do you mean he’s missing?” She barely manages to choke out the words over the music. “Where the hell is he?”

Colt steps back. He drops his hands with a frustrated sigh at the edge of his lips. “You know I hate repeating myself Nat. He’s missing. Gone. I can’t get a hold of him. Neither can Ximena, or Toby – or hell, even Mona. Nobody can.”

“Mona?” Nat interrupts, “she’s out?”

Colt gives her a droll stare. “You know that shit wasn’t going to hold her for long, yeah she’s out and none of us can find him.” Before she can really process his words, Colt is already moving – grabbing her wrist with enough force that her pulse jumps. “Now c’mon, we don’t have any time to waste.”

“Any time to waste?” Nat repeats, dumbfounded. Her brain is numb, frozen. It’s barely beginning to thaw when she tries to play catch up, even though her body has no trouble moving with him – the rest of her is still stuck.

Colt tugs her across the open field, his hand slick with sweat from the heat of being surrounded by so many people.

“Wait! C-can you just wait for a moment?” The words fall out on their own, and she clings to them like a lifeline. “What are you even saying right now? Where are we going –“

Nat plants her feet firmly on the ground and hastily pries his hand off her. “Jesus, Colt you can’t just appear out of thin air and tell me what to do!” It’s been almost a whole year since she’s even seen him. Almost a year since she kissed him and lived to regret it later. And everything about him right now reminds her why she’s never allowed him to be anything more.

The wild look in his eyes. The stubborn way he refuses to leave her behind. His insistent hands warming her from the inside out. The way his jaw clenches and unclenches until Nat flinches at the anger settling there.

“You actually think this was my first choice?! Coming here of all fucking places to see you.” His slender lips quickly form a sneer. “You’re hot Nat, but I’m through getting burned. Seeing you again was the last thing I want. I’m only here because I don’t have a choice – because I think,” his voice falters. “I think Logan’s in some deep shit that’s probably gonna get get him killed.”

Nat sucks in a breath. There’s barely enough air going to her lungs as her mind races at his words. Killed? What kind of trouble have they gotten themselves into this time? There was always something – always some scheme that she used to readily dive headfirst, because being around them was the greatest high she ever had. The best moments when she felt alive. And she thought…well she supposes she convinced herself if she simply left, things would have been different. She wouldn’t feel this knee jerk reaction to break down into sobs and demand to see Logan.

Wistful thinking. Her battered heart can barely take it anymore.

“What do you mean it’s going to get him killed? Colt, could you just – could you just slow down for just one second!” She fights to wrestle her hand away, but he only tightens his grip.

They’re farther away from the biggest apart of the crowd, almost back to the entrance and yet Colt moves like he’s on a warpath. Nat can almost hear him muttering under his breath. There wasn’t much push back getting here, not with Colt leading her in his no-nonsense way. Honestly, she thinks if anyone so much as looks at him funny, he’d give them shit for it.

Besides that – Colt remains stubbornly close, dropping her hand again. He’s not quite touching anymore, but not quite out her orbit either. He’s leading her out of here. “I’ll explain on the way,” He says flatly, “it’s already….risky, meeting you here like this.”

Alarm bells ring loud enough for her feet to falter. Usually when risky and Colt went head-to-head it spells nothing but trouble. What the hell is Colt Kaneko getting her in the middle of this time?!

And where’s Logan?

Between them, Nathalia has never known a safe day in her life.

Which is why you got out, Nat tells herself insistently. When she left for Langston University, she swore she’d never do something so reckless – so stupid ever again. Giving her heart to someone whose life threatens to flip hers’ upside down has to be the dumbest thing she’s ever done.

Colt must have lost the last screw in his head to think she’d go along with whatever he has planned. Nathalia isn’t the same naïve little girl he met a year ago. They taught her better. She taught herself better and she’ll be damned if she goes anywhere with anyone without knowing what’s going on.

Once they’re on safely on the sidewalk, Nat draws up short all five feet and four inches. She jabs a finger in Colt’s chest, barely suppressing the urge to yell. “That’s it! You can’t just appear out of thin air and do this! You can’t just –” You can’t just come waltzing back in my life as if nothing had ever happened. She knows she should say those words too but fear keeps them lodged in her throat. Fear keeps her from looking directly at him.

And Colt looks tempted to tell her off. A year doesn’t erase those telltale signs. Instead, he huffs a breath and glances past her, a tic working in his jaw. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Then make time. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.” Then Nat lowers her voice, almost hesitating to ask. “You said Logan’s in trouble and honestly…knowing what that could mean – terrifies me.” She rubs her arms, trying to force herself to remain calm. But her heart’s beating irregular, Logan, Logan – it’s the same rhythm that used to keep her up at night.

She tries, fails to get it under control. She swears Colt reaches for her and stops just as she steps back. “…This is Logan we’re talking about. He’s smart, resourceful and I doubt you could convince Logan of anything he hasn’t convinced himself already.”

Logan has never been a pushover. He’s never been one for other people to make decisions for him. He’s focused, driven. Knowing he’s never been dealt the same cards like everyone else around him has always pushed him to be more. To be better than the boy his mother gave up.

So Nat doesn’t think for a second there was anything anyone could say to change thing his mind – whatever this thing is. He’d do his damndest to stay safe, to stay alive – including cutting other people off to protect them. Because he knows they’d follow him, - he knows I’d follow him.

That’s the terrifying thing about an all-consuming kind of love. It burns so bright until it threatens to destroy everything else. She almost turned down her whole future for his love.

But just hearing his name – hearing that he could be in trouble and that he’s out there all alone is all she needs to abandon everything.

What the hell am I doing?

“Look, it’s late Colt. I need to get home. I don’t know what you expect from me. Or how I’m supposed to help.” Other than going to my dad and begging for his help to find him and nobody wants that.

No, if she’s going to have any hope of moving on Nat can’t keep looking back.

But Colt grabs her wrist – gently this time, implores for her to look at him with a light squeeze. And damn it, she does look at him. She looks directly into his eyes and suddenly she can’t look away.

“I know it’s out of the blue, and I know you have every right to tell me to piss off. But,” he hesitates. There’s an almost vulnerable look in his eyes, reflecting back in those dark pools of brown. “This is Logan we’re talking about and if you can’t find Logan – no one can.”

“What makes you think you he wants to be found?”

It hurts for her to say it, even to think it. But if Logan wanted to disappear – there’s little anyone can do to stop him. She doesn’t need to know the specifics. She knows the lengths he’d go to protect her, to protect everyone – even from the darkest parts of himself.

But you want to see him. You need to see him. The longing has come back in full force, flooding her lungs so much want that she struggles to breathe. Already she can picture his rare smile, the deep rumble of his voice during the mornings they spent in bed with each other, snuggled with his lips pressed into her neck.

“I-I need to go Colt.” She says weakly, darting away.

Then she glances back and just as quickly as his walls came down, Colt has them back up. They’re so high now Nat can barely decipher any meaning in his expression. His face is simply impassive. “Can we just go somewhere? Please. I promise I’ll explain everything.”

No. She wants to say no. The word is on the tip of her tongue but for the life of her she can’t say it. She can’t manage to say the fucking word. It’s the smartest thing to do really. Her life is simple, much simpler since being here. Langston University is a lot of things to many people, but for Nat it’s a chance to learn to love how simple things can be without the thrill, without the danger their world respresents.

Except deep-down, deep deep-down Nat’s still looking back – she has been every time she opens her notebook, or allows herself a moment to daydream. She’s been looking back hoping for even a rare glimpse of him.

“Twenty minutes. Park.” Nat says shortly. She’ll live to regret it but she’ll cross that bridge when she gets there. “We can take my car –”

“We should take my bike,” Colt interrupts. “It’s much faster,” he adds with a shrug.

She huffs out a breath. “Fine, but then you’ll bring me back. Right here.”

His answer is a non-committal noise as he skirts her in the opposite direction.

“I mean it Colt.” She insists, “bring me right back here.”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time.” His words are gruff but there’s an underlying reassurance there without him saying. “I wouldn’t hold you against your will Nat, whenever you want to go – you can. All I want is a second to explain.”

“You’ve got more than a second, you’ve got twenty minutes.” Nat grumbles, but otherwise ignores the slight hint of his smile.

Ah, Colt’s motorcycle. It’s always been pretty; noticeably a Cavalieri Novanta – all white except for its black wheels with red trimming on the inside and a glossy finish. Colt wastes no time in kicking his leg over and extending his helmet to her.

A pang of longing wells up inside her. This…feels all too familiar. The motorcycle. The clock being nearly midnight. Him. It’s like deja-vu hitting her in full force as Colt eyes wander over her, expectant.

“Thanks,” Nat mumbles, grabbing the helmet – his fingers lingering a moment too long before she snatches back her hand. Hastily, she pulls the helmet down. It smells like him; small hints of his aftershave as she shoves away the thought. Almost hesitantly her arms wrap around his mid-section, trying hard not to focus on the fact that she’s pressed against him.

It’s not like that, she says defensively to herself. She doesn’t think about Colt that way, at least she hasn’t in a long time. Memories of Logan’s laugh suddenly surge forward as if to echo sentiment.

“Safe back there?” Colt asks, half-glancing back.

Nat gives a single nod against his shoulder as Colt’s engine revs to life. He doesn’t take his time on the street; it’s like no time has passed at all as he gradually picks up speed – switching from one lane to the other. A part of Nat wants to let out a glorious whoop; she’s forgotten how much fun this used to be. How much it makes her feel alive.

Within a few short minutes, the park is in sight. Not the biggest one by any means, but the closest one to campus.

Nat quickly takes off the helmet and hands it back to Colt the moment her feet are on solid a ground again. The temptation is almost all too strong to get back on and she has fold her arms to stop herself from reaching for it.

“Is this alone enough for you now?” The words escape before she can think better of them and she lightly blushes at the implication. She doesn’t mean it like that.

Colt takes it in stride though; gives her one of those low grins like he disagrees. “If I wanted to get you alone, this isn’t the first place I’d take you.” Then he’s all business again, suddenly whipping out his phone. “This all kinda started when Logan ghosted me. We were supposed meet up at a chop shop. We had – ” A sigh, “parts to sell to a bidder, but then something went wrong with the drop. Logan never met up with me and its been two weeks of radio silence.”

Nathalia’s mind whirls at the news. She doesn’t know whether to be furious, scared, worried – or all at them at once. Of course Logan and Colt would get back into trouble the second she’s gone, it’s like they don’t know how to function without her. She takes a deep breath, pinches her nose then glares at Colt. “You were supposed to protect him.”

“Logan’s a big boy, he can handle himself.” Colt fires back, his tone indignant. “We all can.”

“Funny, it doesn’t sound like that from where I’m standing.” She folds her arms, shifts a little away. She wants to pace a little – breathe in some fresh air far away from one of the last people she expected to see tonight. “I can’t believe – no, I can believe this! God, how can you be so reckless?” She throws her hands in the air.

“I can’t believe for one second –” But as she whirls back to Colt; ready to tear him in a new one she freezes once she realizes he hasn’t been looking at her.

In fact, Colt’s been decisively quiet, his eyes far ahead of her.

The problem is the more she looks around them, the less she can make out other than the benches nearby, and tall overgrown moss hanging from the trees closest to them. She thinks she might make out a shadow, but nothing concrete as to why Colt’s suddenly reaching for her hand and yanking her behind him. “What –”

“Shut up for a second. Nat, we’re being followed. We need to move.”

Move, move. Her body reacts before her mind can, holding onto to Colt for dear life as his motorcycle roars to life. She barely has her arms by his waist before he’s off – along with a sudden flicker of movement belonging to several men in black suits running after them.

Shit, have they been watching them this whole time?

Fear leaps to Nat’s throat but she shoves it down and squeezes her eyes shut. She trusts Colt to get them out of this mess – even though he’s dragged her into this, because whatever’s going on looks far more complicated than just selling car parts to a shop.

No, from the looks of it – Colt and Logan has bitten off far more than they can chew.

“Hold on tight,” Colt says, barely audible over the roar of the engine.

And she does. She holds on tight enough for fingers to go numb. They quickly pick up speed, zigzagging in downtown traffic. While she keeps her eyes closed, her body knows to instinctively lean in the same direction he does.

Time passes but she doesn’t know much. Eventually, she finds the courage to keep her eyes open and barely suppresses the urge to scream when a sharp turn nearly throws her off his bike.

She fights to keep her eyes open despite how quickly they’ve started to fill with water. She blinks the tears back and asks, “do you think we’ve lost them?”

Whatever response Colt has doesn’t come.

The light in front of them turns green but the two black vans suddenly blocking traffic and near escape keeps Colt’s focus.

Oh fuck –

“Hold one,” Colt says the words fiercely, letting out a soft expletive as he completely does a 180 – the wheels of his motorcycle whining from the sudden change in direction before he makes a dive for oncoming traffic; only for another black van to slam into them.

The impact sends them flying.

The motorcycle skitters away on its side, slamming into the concrete leading towards the highway.

Nat and Colt weren’t so lucky. Nat’s entire body goes forward – nearly hitting into the back of another car. She narrowly misses the head-on impact, but her feet take the brunt of the damage and for a moment she fears she’ll ever be able to walk again.

But the stinging pain instead of numbness confirms that they do still work, bleeding as they are – she’s still able to move her toes. Fuck, it hurts – the pain is blinding, stinging. There isn’t any part of her that’s not screaming in agony. Her vision threatens to go black, and the corner of her eyes prick with tears. She lets out a sharp yelp of pain but forcing her hands to move is next to impossible.

Her eyes frantically scan the road for help – the car she’s knocked into has even stopped and Colt – Colt is a few feet away, completely unconscious and bleeding through the nose. And he’s not moving.

“Colt!” She wants to scream but it comes out more like a pathetic whisper. Her throat burns from the effort. “Somebody, help! Please!” Her fingers scrape the asphalt as she tries to drag herself towards him.

No, no, no. No. I can’t – I can’t lose him too.

The car still hasn’t moved, in fact the driver’s door flies open and Nat has to crane her neck to see the black boots belonging to a man dressed entirely in black. There’s no hint of hair on his head, except the beard peeking between his chin and his collar. The heavyset man has shades on so Nat can’t see his face.

A fresh dose of fear surges through her and she manages to choke out some semblance of a scream when he doesn’t immediately move. In fact, he seems quite keen on ignoring her as he reaches for something in his pocket.

Nat’s body tenses then relaxes when she realizes he’s hooked a phone to his ear.

Oh, thank god – he’s calling for help.

Except her relief is short-lived. The voice on the other end is yelling in Italian and she can only make out a few words from here. You fucked up. Fix it. Or I fix you.

“Yes, I’ll take care of it.” The man answers back, before swiftly tucking it away. He walks over to Colt, bends down to touch his neck as if checking for his pulse.

Nat immediately bristles and makes a sound somewhere between a hoarse whisper and a scream. “Don’t touch him.”

The man glances up, tilts his head at her. Then he almost smiles as if her words are funny instead of threatening. Almost out of pity, he lowers his sunglasses to his nose. “You’re sure in the wrong place, kid.”

Nat wants to say something, her mouth forms the words before her head lolls back and the world disappears into darkness.

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mind-reader1 · 3 years

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All of Me (Jake x MC)

This is for @princesstopgunswife

A/N: The Jake and MC reunion that everyone wanted.

Find a link to my masterlist here

Warnings: angsty, fluffly.

Word Count: 2,743

Five years, none of them could believe it had been that long since they’d all been together in one place, since they’d all left the island...well almost all of them.

Everyone had mourned the loss of their friend, the person who brought them all together and of course the one who saved them all. Despite mourning her, they still moved forward with their lives, graduated college, got jobs, reconnected. Grace and Aleister got married, Sean and Michelle decided to give it another chance. Even Estela worked to move on, accepting that she could have a life without vengeance. That wasn’t the be all and end all of her existence.

Then there was Jake. He’d lost Mike, he’d lost his wife all in the course of 24 hours. Lundgren was dead, eliminating all his hopes of clearing his name; of going back to the states to see his family again. He stayed in Costa Rica after flying the newfound group of friends off La Huerta. The first few months he would drink himself into a stupor every night, replaying her voicemail until he fell asleep, desperate to hear her voice again.

They had all come to visit him at one point or another, worried about him and how he was coping. Especially Diego, he’d lost Varyyn, he understood Jake’s grief. Diego tried to convince Jake that Taylor would’ve wanted him to find happiness with someone else, but Jake never did, he couldn’t do that to her. Even if they didn’t get to spend their year and one day together, they’d had thousands of lives together on La Huerta and they would always be connected. No one would ever fill that hole in his heart and he didn’t want anyone too. Diego didn’t push, he felt the same way about Varyyn, connected forever.

The five year reunion was upon them now though, Jake leaned against Deliah trying to play it cool, but he was nervous to return to the island, unsure of what to expect. He’d thought so often about going back there himself, about trying to find any trace of her but he’d never been able to bring himself to do it.

“How does he get to look the same after all these years baking in the sun when he doesn’t even use moisturizer!” Jake cracked a smile, he’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“I think it’s the rum Maybelline, you should try it.” Michelle rolled her eyes.

“Good to see you Jake.”

“Cap.” Sean came up and dropped Michelle’s bags before clapping Jake on the back.

“Caught your last game. Talk about a hail mary, guess that’s why they pay you the big bucks though.”

“Chyeah! Only because I made it possible for him.” “Drax.” Sean and Craig had gone pro and been drafted together, the dynamic duo of the NFL.

“Don’t you nerds have anything to talk about besides football?”

“Skrillex. Hack any foreign governments recently?” Zahra smirked.

“Whenever you want that record cleared, you better have my money.” Jake smiled, Zahra had offered to hack the government and clear his record so he could return home to his family. He felt like he would only be a burden though, were Taylor still with him, things may have been different.

“...the laws of quantum physics clearly state-“

“Malfoy, brain trust! Heard y’all got married. Congratulations!” Grace beamed at Jake and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Thank you Jake!” Grace swiftly hit Aleister on the arm.

“Yes, thank you Jacob.”

“Let’s see, still missing Petey, Ariel, Julio Child and Katniss.”

“I’m right here.” Jake jumped and turned to see Estela staring at him, Diego walking up behind her.

“Dammit! You don’t need to sneak up on me like that.” Diego chuckled as Estela smirked and climbed onto the plane.

“What are you laughing at Petey?” Diego innocently held up his hands and boarded the plane.

He heard the laughter of the last two before he saw them, Raj was licking something off his fingertips, no doubt something that had come from the container Quinn was carrying.

“Jake, dude, you have to try one of these cupcakes.” Raj happily rubbed his belly.

“I’m sure they’re great Ariel, but I don’t want to get frosting all over the cockpit. Save one for me once we land?”

“Of course!” Quinn also wrapped him in a big hug and kissed his cheek before boarding the plane.

“All right. Well we’ve got the whole Brady Bunch now….so let’s do this.”

The plane was eerily silent as they flew over the water, their minds inevitably drifting back to the first plane ride they’d taken together. Diego made his way up to the cockpit and took a seat, Jake was rigid at the controls, a death grip on yoke.

“Jake...how are you?” Jake didn’t take his eyes off the horizon, his body trembling softly with adrenaline.

“I’m fine Petey. It’s an island. Been here probably a hundred times.”

“Jake, you know what I mean.” He hated being vulnerable, sharing his feelings, anyone he opened up to he inevitably lost. Diego was the closest connection he had to Taylor these days, he was the sole reason Taylor had even existed.

Talk to him Jake. He could hear her voice in his mind, encouraging him to keep making those connections.

“I miss her Diego. So damn much. I thought I could do this with you all but I’m not sure.” It was the first time Jake had ever called Diego by name.

“I miss her too. I think this will be good for us Jake, maybe we can leave the ghosts behind.”

“I don’t want to forget, I never want to forget.”

“You never could, I’m just saying...maybe it’s time to leave behind the guilt that keeps haunting us.” He had a point, Jake felt guilty still, like he hadn’t done everything he could’ve to make her stay. Deep down he knew that was wrong though, he knew it was her decision and she was a selfless person. She chose the world over herself, so that he could have a life to go back to, maybe it was time to stop feeling guilty about living that life.

“Thanks Petey. Now get back to your seat so I can land.” Diego smiled softly and returned to his seat as Jake made a smooth landing on La Huerta.

Since Rourke’s arrest, Aleister had taken over the Celestial resort. When the world had returned to normal, so had all the guests and the island had continued to operate as if nothing happened. For this weekend though, Aleister closed the entire resort to outside guests and staff. It would be the eleven of them alone.

They all collected their room keys, staying in the same rooms they’d had before, except for Jake. He stared for ages at the honeymoon suite key, it was the room where they’d spent their first night together, something he would never forget. He wasn’t sure he could face it again though. Taking a deep breath, he steeled his nerves and swiped the key, riding the elevator up to the room, it seemed to move at an agonizingly slow pace.

He entered the room and sucked in a breath, flooded with memories of that night.

Hey you.

Hey.

Jake wandered over to the large pane windows overlooking the island. He remembered every moment of that night, this is where they’d kissed each other, he’d pushed her back up against the glass, desperate to feel her body pressed against his for the first time, what he wouldn’t give to feel that just one more time.

“I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want you.” He whispered in longing.

Then have me. She had said that back to him their first night together and that was the beginning of the end for him. He was hooked. They’d thrashed that room and didn’t give a damn, it was strange to see it put back together. He opened the window to get some fresh air but he could swear he smelled her perfume drifting to his nose over the ocean breeze.

He slammed the window shut and laid down on the bed still in his clothes, staring at the canopy. The bed felt cold and foreign to him, he tried turning on his sides but he couldn’t fall asleep, every time he closed his eyes he would see her beside him in bed only to reach over and find it empty. He slipped out of the room and went down to the beach, snagging a hotel towel on his way out. Maybe a night out under the stars with the ocean waves could help him clear his mind.

Vaanu had been made whole again and should have felt at peace, but there always seemed to be something keeping it from its eternal rest. Just a sliver that felt like it was missing, the feeling only grew the closer the 5 year anniversary of becoming whole came.

Why do I feel as though I am still broken? Vaanu bellowed in despair. Desperately searching for the beacon from its missing shard, it followed it to a well known place, La Huerta. Vaanu summoned the physical manifestation of Taylor that had been created by one of the shards, it could sense that she was the part of itself that was still missing a piece.

“Where am I?”

Why am I still broken? Memories came flooding back to Taylor like a tsunami, saying goodbye to Jake and the others, then it was all black until waking up here. She could hear its voice in her mind and feel exactly what it was talking about, she felt a sense of emptiness. It took her only a moment to realize why.

“Jake.” That feeling of emptiness only grew, she longed to see him again, to hear his voice. She could feel the ghost of his touch on her skin, lighting it on fire with pleasure, a feeling only he could give her. Something she couldn’t live without.

Jake?

“Jake and I fell in love over 1,000 times in different timelines. I promised him a year and a day, a part of my soul will forever be with him.” Taylor wondered how long it had been, wondered if he moved on, if she still felt this broken though she knew he hadn’t and that somehow hurt her more.

Broken.

“Let me be with Jake. If we’re together then the shard is together, you’ll be whole again.” She didn’t know how, but she could tell Vaanu was thinking. “Please, you know you won’t feel whole until he dies and that will be years. Years you could have spent being whole again if you just let me go to him.” She pleaded, desperate.

There was a bright flash and when Taylor opened her eyes she was on the familiar beach of La Huerta, there was a towel on the beach, void of an occupant. She needed to get her bearings, find a way to get in touch with Jake. She was back!

Jake had been unsuccessful trying to sleep on the beach as well, he’d turned to his last resort, alcohol. He’d found some rum but what he really wanted was the good stuff, some strong whiskey that would knock him right out.

Someone poked him in the shoulder and he turned to see who it was, it was Taylor, smiling at him in her blue tank top and khaki pants. He must’ve been hallucinating another memory again.

“Help ya with something Princess?” He turned away, his focus back on liquor, he didn’t notice her frown. She thought he’d be more excited to see her, like she was him. Maybe she’d been mistaken, maybe he had moved on.

“Just seeing what you’re up to.” She said deflated.

“Trying to see if we got any good whiskey left so I can stop reliving all these damn memories. Like this one of you asking me to come to your room. You?”

“Jake...this isn’t a memory.”

“Must be dreamin’ then. Guess I did find the good whiskey.”

“Jake look at me! I’m actually here!”

“You say that in all my dreams and then I wake up Princess.” He whispered heavily, sounding emotionally tired, it would go away if he’d just listen to her! She hit him in the arm and scowled at him until he looked at her.

“Ow!”

“Jake, please. It’s really me.” He shook his head, she could see the pain in his eyes.

“No. You went with Vaanu and that was it. My wife is dead!” He was fighting back tears.

“Jake, what do I have to do to prove to you I’m real, that I’m here?” He turned and grabbed both sides of her face, their lips meeting in a fiery kiss with years of longing poured into it. Taylor melted against Jake and he pulled away, breathing heavily his eyes still closed.

“If I open my eyes, are you still gonna be here Taylor?”

“Yes, Jake. Now please, open your eyes and look at me.” She whispered, cupping his cheek. Her touch felt so real, Jake didn’t want to risk it. He wanted to stay in this moment for just a little longer.

“I can’t Princess. I can’t.” Stubborn ass, she thought to herself.

“Come with me.” She had one last idea up her sleeve to convince him, dragging him to the elevator, she kept their hands laced together as she pulled him to their room.

“I’ve got to give myself credit, this is my most elaborate hallucination yet.”

“Jacob Lucas McKenzie. I am right here, right now, with you. Your wife. Your naked wife. So help me god if you don’t open your eyes to look at me I will go back to Vaanu.” Taylor had in fact stripped down to her red lacy bra and underwear set, she knew it was Jake’s favorite and if this didn’t convince him, nothing would. “Dammit Princess.” Jake opened his eyes and stared. There she was. Still there. In front of him. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He rubbed them and blinked a few times but she was always still there. He was overcome with emotion. He didn’t know if he should cry, kiss her or give into the desire coursing through him.

“I have never wanted anything as badly as I want you right now.”

“Then have me.”

They came together and years of pent up energy came pouring out. Sure they’d wrecked the room the first time, but this was 5 years of pent up sexual energy between newly-wed soulmates, it was a whole new level of destruction before they finally made it to the bed.

As they laid there after, Jake couldn’t stop staring at her, tracing every line of her body.

“I missed you so much Taylor.” He whispered.

“How long was I gone Jake?”

“5 years.” Her heart sank, imagining him alone for 5 years, they could’ve had kids by now.

“I’m sorry Jake, I’m so sorry. I'm never going to leave you again.” He pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers, their noses gently brushing.

“I wouldn’t survive it if you did Princess. I don’t understand though, how are you back? I would’ve sold my soul if it meant getting you back but I didn’t think it was possible..”

“It’s because of you Jake.” His eyes shot open in confusion. “When we got handfasted, after spending all those timelines together and falling in love every time, a part of me is literally in your heart Jake.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Vaanu wanted me to return so it could be whole, but we’re soulmates Jake. A little shard broke off and resides in you. When we’re together, we’re whole, because we’re whole, so is Vaanu.”

“So you really are back for good? You’re staying forever?”

“Forever top gun.” Tears of joy began to stream down Jake’s face and Taylor wiped them away as Jake wiped hers.

“Good, because it’s going to take a long time to catch up on those five years of married life we missed.” Taylor let out a soft laugh.

“I guess it’s a good thing we don’t have to leave this bed until morning. Now, tell me everything.” Jake laid on his back and Taylor rested her head on his chest, looking up at him as he told her about everything she’d missed.

Finally, I am whole again.

@drakesroyalromance

#jake mckenzie x mc #Jake McKenzie #endless summer #choices endless summer #choices stories you play #playchoices fanfic #endless summer fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #choices fanfiction #reunion #all of me #angsty #fluffly

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lanster · 3 years

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my headcannon voice for marx is the vocals from first of the year by skrillex <3

#ik he technically has a real voice but idc i think it’s funny!#kirby #marx kirby #harley rambles

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kingjesperfahey · 4 years

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leigh bardugo really just shoved four half baked seasonless villains that make Disney Channel actors look compelling into one book and y’all just. let her do that, huh.

i mean first we have Mojo Jojo taking up way too much space just to make his illiterate son more interesting while offering cheesy zingers and the complexity of a wet paper bag. Then we have the shu soldiers that show up exactly twice for a combined total of ten pages, and the first time it’s literally to kill a random no name character we never see again. Then we have Pekka Rollins, aka the Big Bad who was supposed to be the worst guy in town but got his ass handed to him by a 17 year old edge lord with patchy facial hair and a voice that cracks like a skrillex concert. And then ofc we can’t forget Looney Toon Scarlett Johansson, who also shows up exactly twice to talk shit about being the supreme daughter of kings and instrument of chaos with the emotional depth and performance of a middle school Shakespeare production from nowheresville, Ohio, only to fall from a roof and die less than 80 pages after she was introduced.

any one of these villains could’ve been decent if given proper material to work with but the fact that she decided to use all of them in such half assed ways is so. absolutely ridiculous.

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #jesper fahey #kuwei yul bo #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #soc #grishaverse #nina zenik #wylan van eck

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luvneedsnosyt · 3 years

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My Favorite Albums of 2020

Here is my list of my personal top albums of 2020

You can find my separate list for top EPs of 2020 here

My Previous monthly lists from 2020: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November

My list last year for my top albums of 2019 can be found here.

Honorable Mention:

Aluna - Renaissance Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

Lead singer from AlunaGeorge steps out on her own with this fast paced romp. She brings along many well known producers like Diplo (who she’s signed with as a solo artist), KAYTRANADA, SG Lewis and more.

Proof: Warrior (Feat. SG Lewis) / Body Pump

Big Gigantic - Free Your Mind Genre: Electronic / Dance

The Colorado duo Big Gigantic’s big breakout was their sixth album in 2016’s Brighter Future that really expanded the reach of their high octane music. Four years later we have their follow up in this joyous affair. With their use of horns (one of them is a trained saxophonist) they always have a big band feel that meets the club in their sound that's so infectious.

Proof: Burning Love (Feat. Kidepo) / You’re The One (Feat. Nevve)

Cam - The Otherside Genre: Country / Pop

I’m not typically a big country fan but this country with a little infusion of pop is something I can ride for. Really digging the ways Cam expanded on a typical country vernacular while still staying true to it as well.

Proof: The Otherside / Classic

CloZee - Neon Jungle Genre: Electronic / World Bass

CloZee’s musical landscapes are living breathing entities. Her music is lush and vibrant that seem to flow to and frow with a breeze. Not what most people would attribute to the genre which is why it stands out.

Proof: Winter Is Coming / Heya

dvsn - A Muse In Her Feelings Genre: R&B / Neo-Soul

The third album by Toronto R&B duo dvsn and this is by far their best. A seductive and savory exploration through love, sexuality and heartbreak.

Proof: Dangerous City (Feat. Ty Dolla $ign & Buju Banton) / A Muse

Duke Dumont - Duality // Duality Remixed Genre: Electronic / Dance

This is sort of a greatest hits with some new songs masked as a debut. The fact most of these songs we have heard before and some way back to 2015, knocks this album back a bit on my list. That being said Duke Dumont is one of the best at funk infused dance music and this album bangs!

Proof: Ocean Drive / Together (w/ How To Dress Well) // Ocean Drive (Purple Disco Machine Remix) / Together (Luttrell Remix) w/ How To Dress Well

Empress Of - I’m Your Empress Of Genre: R&B / Pop

Empress Of’s sophomore album Us was quite an upward trajectory from her already good debut album. On her third record here that momentum is kept going with a little flair. This is her most danceable record yet with some nostalgic synths added to her musical attire that’s an accessory worth attention but not too distracting.

Proof: Bit of Rain / Love Is A Drug

Fakear - Everything Will Grow Again Genre: Electronic / Dance / Tropical House

French DJ Fakear’s eclectic sophomore album is lush and expansive in it’s sound. You feel enveloped in an exotic and kinetic world that you can’t help but get lost in while listening.

Proof: Sekoia / Rituals (Feat. Luiza Fernandes)

Georgia - Seeking Thrills Genre: Synth Pop

This sophomore album by the english singer is a riot full of pulsating beats and neon lit synth patterns. The singing has Santigold/M.I.A. vibes without being an emulation.

Proof: Never Let You Go / Ray Guns

Halsey - MANIC Genre: Pop / R&B

It’s been a pretty dramatic rise for the singer. She was already a sensation by the time her debut album Badlands came out in 2015. Now she’s one of the sought after features and a pretty big act in music. This third album MANIC is her most consistent, powerful and best. She has perfected how to utilize her raspy voice and how to connect with the listener and evoke strong emotions.

Proof: you should be sad / Without Me

Illenium - ASCEND (Remixes) Genre: Electronic / Dance

Illenium’s ASCEND was my 3rd favorite record of 2019. As quite a nice gift Illenium dropped off this super sized remix album with at least one remix of each song off the glorious album.

Proof: Good Things Fall Apart (3LAU Remix) Feat. Jon Bellion / In Your Arms (Alan Walker Remix) Feat. X Ambassadors

Kingdom - Neurofire Genre: Electronic / Neo-Soul / Dance

Even if you don’t know Kingdom off the top of your head you’ve probably heard a Kingdom produced song without knowing. He’s been a behind the scenes go-to producer and runs a label that has such artists as Kalela and Dawn Richards on it. Neurofire is a smooth soulful electronic album that has such an contagious bob to it you can’t help yourself but start dancing.

Proof: High Enough (Feat. Tiara Thomas) / His n Hers (Feat. Semma)

Lady Gaga - Chromatica Genre: Pop / Dance

Despite her immense success, Lady Gaga is not a complacent woman. After readjusting her sound to something more stripped down on 2016’s Joann, Gaga did another about face this time leaning into the EDM world and making an ecstatic dance record. Linking with many big hitter DJs for production work in Tchami, BloodPop, Madeon, Skrillex, Axwelll and others, who create a great vivacious platform for Gaga to strut all over.

Proof: Stupid Love / Replay

Låpsley - Through Water Genre: Indie Pop / Electronic

It’s been four years since British singer Låpsley’s debut album. But it seems that time was well utilized as this is a great leap for the artist. I enjoyed her understated debut but here she was able to incorporate a little more kinetic energy in her recording while keeping the sentimentalism of them really effectively.

Proof: Ligne 3 / Womxn

Lastlings - First Contact Genre: Electronic / Future Bass / Dance

I haven’t heard the early EPs from Australian dou Lastlings so first listening to this album was quite a pleasant surprise. There’s some definite influences from fellow Australian act RÜFÜS DU SOL here. And influences that they utilize nicely.

Proof: Deja Vu / No Time

The Strokes - The New Abnormal Genre: Alternative / Rock

It’s not often an extremely successful rock group after an extended hiatus returns and makes one of their best albums. Working with Rick Ruban the legendary New York group returns after seven years with an album that exerts a high level of confidence and maturity. It doesn’t scream out at you as an album yet the music is incredibly in depth and rewarding.

Proof: Brooklyn Bridge to Chorus / Not The Same Anymore

Sylvan Esso - Free Love Genre: Synth Pop

For their third album the North Carolina based duo took a slightly scaled back sound as the tone is a bit more somber and muted then their past albums. The indie pop is much more dominant over the Electronic aspects of their music. It still however is their enjoyable meshing of the two and there’s still plenty of danceable moments, they are just more interspersed in a more internal faced record.

Proof: Ferris Wheel / Frequency

Tchami - Year Zero Genre: Electronic / Dance

The French DJ Techami finally drops a debut album and what a blast this is. Year Zero is a joy ride form start to finish with no real filler tracks of straight enjoyable dance records.

Proof: Ain’t That Kind Of Friend (Feat. Modesty) / Ghosts (Feat. Hana)

Tyler Swift - evermore Genre: Indie Pop / Folk

The second of Taylor’s 2020 albums; made with the National’s Aaron Dessor. This one you can tell is a bit of tracks that didn’t fit the construct of folklore. This has a bit of a “thrown together” feel, which sounds more harsh then how I mean it. With that being said these are still more of probably my favorite iteration we’ve seen of Taylor so I enjoy it immensely. More on folklore below.

Proof: ‘tis the damn season / ivy

We Are The City - RIP Genre: Rock / Alternative

This is the fifth by the Concadian Rock group but the first I have heard by them so I can’t offer insight on how this fits in their past work. But when I heard the guitars and crashing drums come in on the thunderous opener “Killer B-Side Music” I was instantly hooked. This is a fun and emotionally gripping journey through this groups organized chaos.

Proof: Killer B-Side Music / Saint Peter

The List:

Last One Out: The Naked And Famous - Recover Genre: Synth Pop

New Zealand band The Naked and Famous return with their fourth album full of their patented form of catchy synth pop meant to excite and evoke. The songs are take their shoes off and make themselves at home in your head demanding a sing along.

Proof: Sunseeker / Bury Us / Come As You Are / Coming Back To Me

35. Grimes - Miss Anthropocane Genre: Synth Pop / Electronic

It’s been an odd couple years for the singer/producer Grimes as her high profile relationship has pushed her further into the celebrity life then she has been in the past. Despite the chios she still is an extremely talented musician and this stellar album shows that off nicely. I feel Grimes was a bit too harsh on her previous album, 2015 Art Angels, which had a more general pop sensibility. I genuinely loved Art Angels. With her own frustration Grimes went back closer to her early sound with this follow up. Her ability to bend song structures to her will creates an ever changing and unpredictable landscape for the lister to get lost in.

Proof: So Heavy I Fell Through The Earth / Violence (w/ i_o) / Idoru / We Appreciate Power (Feat. HANA)

34. Taylor Swift - folklore Genre: Indie Pop / folk

Taylor had a busy quarantine using this time to link up with Aaron Dessner of the National and Jack Antonoff to make not one but two albums. The first one here a surprise drop in July hit everyone in all the feels. The stripped down sound felt right at home with the isolation a lot of us were feeling during this pandemic. Taylor’s writing is as piercing as ever over these mellow and somber tracks.

Proof: cardigan / my tears ricochet / seven / august

33. Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia // Club Future Nostalgia Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

English singer Dua Lipa confidently busts out the sequence for this dazzling sophomore album. As the title suggests this is a futuristic blast from the past with influences from the 70’s disco and 80’s synth pop in a modern ensemble. The songs are all catchy af and danceable as hell but you still never lose sight of the true centerpiece and that is Dua’s authoritative voice. She has the perfect vocal conflexion for electronic songs as it's commending enough to not get lost in the kinetic ensembles but also light and malleable enough to ride the harmonies with grace. As can be seen by her getting all the GRAMMY nominations the world is taking note of this pop force.

Proof: Don’t Start Now / Cool / Physical / Break My Heart // Hallucinate (Paul Woolford Remix) / Don’t Start Now (KAYTRANADA Remix) / Physical (Mark Ronson Remix) Feat. Gwen Stefani / Cool (Jayda G Remix)

32. KAYTRANADA - BUBBA Genre: Electronic / R&B / Dance

Montreal based producer KAYTRANADA picks up right where his 2016 debut left off with this smooth and sensual vibe fest of an album. The album doesn’t ever go for anything too high or too low. The tempo is pretty consistent in a controlled bob that can get a crowd up and dancing or can be played in the background for a chill environment.

Proof: Go DJ (Feat. SiR) / 10% (Feat. Kali Uchis) / Need It (Feat. Masego) / The Worst In Me (Feat. Tinashe)

31. The Killers - Imploding The Mirage Genre: Rock / Alternative

With over 16 years in the game, The Vegas rock group and one of my personal all time favorite bands has not lost a step. Imploding The Mirage follows their 2017 Wonderful Wonderful as a return to their early form. This new album is a triumphant and boisterous affair exuding with confidence that only a group together this long can employ.

Proof: Dying Breed / Caution / Running Towards a Place / When the Dreams Run Dry

30. Blanche - EMPIRE Genre: Indie Pop

21 year old Belgium singer Blanche’s raspy commanding voice is one beyond her years. It’s very delicate while demanding your attention. On this debut she utilizes the effective voice nicely by surrounding it with a cinematic harmonious backing.

Proof: Empire / Till We Collide / Fences / How Does That Sound

29. BRONSON (Golden Features & ODESZA) - BRONSON Genre: Electronic / Dance

Connecting from an admiration of each other’s music, Seattle electronic duo ODESZA and Australian DJ Golden Feature team up for this new trio that merges their sounds while give us something completely new from the artists. Where ODESZA’s sound is more light and airy this collaboration is darker and dense. The weight of each track give them a powerful emotive feel as they blend into each other while the album progresses.

Proof: HEART ATTACK (Feat. lau.ra) / KNOW ME (Feat. Gallant) / TENSE / DAWN (Feat. Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs)

28. GASHI - 1984 Genre: alt-R&B / Synth Pop

It’s been a long road GASHI, growing up as an Albianian refugee before his family settled in Brooklyn as a child. GASHI struggled initially to learn English and eventually used music as his tool to learning the language. Dropping out of college to focus on music GASHI dropped a mixtape and couple albums that were pretty below the radar. It seems in 2018 connecting with DJ Snake was a catalyst for the singer. His last two albums have a focused synth heavy vernacular with an 80’s nostalgia. There’s a slightly haunting tension in his music that brings a level of wonder and mystery. The slight reverb makes the tracks feel as though they are recorded in a dark void with the jabbing synths as youre neon guilding light.

Proof: Mama (Feat. Sting) / Paranoid / Never Give Up On Me / Mr. Ferrari

27. Caroline Rose - Superstar Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative

Starting as a more folk/country based artist, the NY based artist took a dramatic shift in her music to a more indie rock style with some hints of synth pop and the move has proved rather fruitful. On her fourth album Caroline has hit a rather confident sweet spot. Superstar is filled with tunes you can jam out to with reckless abandon.

Proof: Nothing’s Impossible / Got to Go My Own Way / Someone New / Back at the Beginning

26. Jason Ross - 1000 Faces // 1000 Faces Remixes Genre: Electronic / Dance

Seven Lion’s understudy takes an emphatic step out of the shadows and it’s quite a big step! 1000 Faces pushes the twin cities DJ in the mix of top electronic DJs. He definitely shows off how he learned the use of dead space from Seven Lions but in his own style for dramatic drops in his ensembles. Suspense is used almost as an instrument leading to crashing moments meant to get you up and moving and your feelings yanked on.

Proof: When the Night Falls (w/ Fiora) / One that Got Away (w/ Dabin & Dylan Matthew) / Known You Before (w/ Seven Lions & Emilie Brandt) / 1000 Faces (w/ Dia Frampton) // Leave Me To Wonder (Just A Gent Remix) w/ Fiora / When The Night Falls (AWAKEND Remix) w/ Fiora / Known You Before (Trivecta Remix) w/ Seven Lions Feat. Emilie Brandt / Shelter (No Mana Remix) Feat. Melanie Fontana

25. HAIM - Women in Music Pt. III Genre: Pop

The HAIM sisters are slowily chipping away at their sound adding in more elements, while also chipping away at the patriarchy. Women in Music Pt. III is a further expanding the trios musical pallet with more R&B and Jazz sensibilities then we’ve heard from them before. Their strength is still their strong consistency. At 16 tracks this album still feels like there isn’t a wasted moment, every song is solid in its own right and contributes to the overall arc of the project. My sneaky favorite track is the smooth “3 AM” that sounds like it could be on a Janet Jackson album with it’s soulful and catchy as hell chorus and bouncy beat that get your head bopping and shoulders rolling.

Proof: Gasoline / Don’t Wanna / 3 AM / Now I’m In It

24. PVRIS - Use Me Genre: Rock / Scythe Pop / Alternative

Rock music as a genre has been a bit pushed back from the limelight the last few years. However that doesn’t mean the genre is dying and great acts like PVRIS prove that. Following up their thrilling 2017 album All We Know of Heaven, All We Need of Hell we see the rock group experimenting more with their sound. The 2019 EP gave us a teaser of the ways Synth Pop will infiltrate their vernacular more on this record. That doesn’t mean they are “going straight pop” here as this is still a rambunctious form of rock music. Just more blurry around the edges. PVRIS and lead singer Lynn are able to evoke such strong emotions in ever track, it’s impossible to not feel and sympathize with what her emotion is for that track while listening.

Proof: Death of Me / Hallucinations / Old Wounds / Wish You Well

23. Disclosure - ENERGY Genre: Electronic / Dance

After a decade in the genre and more then a 5 year break from their exhilarating sophomore album Caracal (one of my personal favorite records of 2015), the London DJ duo return with this double album stuffed with euphoria inducing dance tunes. The name of the album is the consistent throughline, every track is bursting with vibes and energy. There’s also an obvious globalization with their already inclusive music with many songs featuring singers in other languages and using themes from that culture in the beat making. It’s quite a thrilling journey that keeps you guessing song to song what will come up next.

Proof: Lavender (w/ Channel Tres) / Douha (Mali Mali) w/ Fatoumata Diawara / Tondo (w/ Eko Roosevelt) / Know Your Worth (w/ Khalid)

22. Deante’ Hitchcock - BETTER Genre: Hip Hop

What an impressive debut from the 27 year old Atlanta rapper. I wasn’t up on Deante’ until this album came out so I don’t have knowledge of his rise but this was a great introduction to him. You can really see the merging of older Atlanta influences from Goodie Mob, Outkast and Ludacris with new hip hop from J. Cole, Kendrick Lamar and Wale in his sound. Hip Hop is in a funky moment right now as there’s a bit of a struggle on what the dominant sound and style will be. This is a necessary struggle for such a diverse and malleable form of music. For me this is my favorite form of the genre and seeing new artists like Deante’ and JID come in with such vigor let’s me know it’s not going to die off.

Proof: I Remember / I Got Money Now (Feat. JID) / Circles / Angels

21. Alina Baraz - It Was Divine Genre: R&B / Soul

The soothing and sultry vocals of singer Alina Baraz have been some of my favorites since she slid on the scene as the vocalist on Urban Flora EP with producer Galimatias in 2015. Her soft and understated Soul music flows and sways in your head like a mellow gust of wind picking you up and carrying you to a better place. Starting from her previous project, Alina’s partnership with Khalid has quickly become one of my favorite pairings, that I hope they continue.

Proof: Morocco (Feat. 6LACK) / Endlessly / Off The Grid (Feat. Khalid) / More Than Enough

20. Harry Styles - Fine Line Genre: Alternative / Indie Pop

On the first round of albums from the One Direction boys I will admit I was more drawn to ZAYN’s alt-R&B sound. But even with that I still enjoyed and could tell Harry was doring much more musically on his 70’s rock influenced self titled solo debut. It only took him two tries to perfect his sound on this brilliant follow up. On Harry Styles I felt Harry was emulating his influences a bit too much but here he’s perfect keeping that same nostalgic vernacular while modernizing the sound. The 26 year old brit boasts a level of confidence here that is pretty engraved in the music. The R&B banger :Adore You” was my favorite song on the album on the first few listens but eventually the emotionally gripping closer “Fine Line” caught up with me for all the feels.

Proof: Watermelon Sugar / Adore You / Lights Up / Fine Line

19. Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension Genre: Synth Pop

Sufjan is an artist that likes to bounce around in styles project to project and this might be his most dramatic bounce as he takes on a more electronic palette then his normally acoustical vernacular. It still is a Sufjan album and very internal and subdued in vibe, but with a more expansive musical landscape that makes his normally intimate and crouched music a bit more of an expansive and sprawling affair. The moments of emotional outburst are mostly through the synths and drums rather than Steven’s words and lead to the tracks all individually wound tight with tension and then carefully crafted moments of erupting release.

Proof: Video Games / Ativan / Sugar / America

18. Krewella - zer0 Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Dance

Good things come to those who wait and we had to wait quite a while for the sophomore album from the sister duo of Krewella. zer0 is a burst of danceable pop tunes stuffed with numerous outside influences on the sisters. There’s some general pop influences from artists like Christina Agulaera, there’s electronic backings with notes taken from contemporaries like Alison Wonderland and there’s a definite spine of their Pakistani heritage audibly visible as well. This is quite a confident and exhilarating cannon shot of an album by the duo I feel has been a bit criminally overlooked.

Proof: Good On You (Feat. Nucleya) / Anxiety (Feat. Arrested Youth) / Ghost / Greenlights

17. Jack Garratt - Love, Death & Dancing Genre: R&B / Pop / Electronic

British singer Jack Garratt returns with his bursting soulful vocals over a unpredictably windy electronic pallet. Every track by Jack Garratt takes the listener on quite a picturesque journey with dramatic shifts in tone and pace. In much less deserving hands this can be a recipe for a disastrously chaotic listen but as mentioned before Jack’s smooth vocal delivery is an effective juxtaposition to the kinetic melodies. You never know what the next turn is but whenever you feel lost, Jack extends his voice as a helping hand to reel you back in. Eventually you just know you’re along for a ride and to buckle up and enjoy.

Proof: Time / Return Them To The One / Better / Circles

16. Charli XCX - how i’m feeling now Genre: Synth Pop / Dance

Only 8 months after her third album Charli returns with possibly her most refined project of her career. Made during the first month of the stay at home order from the pandemic, how i’m feeling now is an album about isolation and loneliness. Equipped with her standard unique form of deconstructionist pop and electronic melding with a dash of 0 fucks given, the rushed nature is sort of a vernacular the tracks wear proudly on their sleeves. There’s a stripping of some of the plasticity making the raw emotions of the tracks stand out.

Proof: forever / enemy / i finally understand / anthems

15. Louis The Child - Here For Now Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Dance

After a couple EP’s and a speedy rise, the Chicago based Electronic duo Louis The Child release their debut full length album and flex a bit more diversity then we’ve previously seen from them. WIth a sound a bit more geared to expand their audience the group dables more in R&B, Hip Hop and pop then in their more electronic focused EP’s. This expansion is not a dilution at all though. Their unique melding of grooves in unorthodox way is on full display across this joyous album.

Proof: Nobody Like You (w/ Vera Blue) / Don’t Mind / Free (w/ Drew Love) / Fade Away

14. Jessie Ware - What’s Your Pleasure Genre: Pop / Dance / Soul

Needing a reset, UK’s Jessie Ware took a break from music to focus on her family and other forms of collaboration like her podcast Table Manners. Shortly after the birth of her second child, the itch came back but with a new outlook on life it was a different itch. Jessie has been one of the great sad song writers of the last 10 years, on What’s Your Pleasure? Jessie wanted to focus more on the positive love she has in her life and how she just wants to joyously dance in celebration of it. Using Disco as her muse Jessie makes a modern discoteca equipped the listener with alacrity and positivity while promoting they get up and get down. The timing of such an album was quite intuitive and brilliant by the singer. She started recording the album in 2019 but by the time it was ready to release was in the middle of a pandemic. Perfect timing for such a jubilant album.

Proof: Spotlight / Save A Kiss / Adore You / Mirage (Don’t Stop)

13. Buscabulla - Regresa Genre: Latin / Pop / Dance

When Latin synth pop duo Buscabulla returned home they did to a post-hurricane Maria Puerto Rico. After years in New York they were returning to a place they love but that was forced to change dramatically. The married couple came equipped with a new record deal and new found personal stability, but chose to surround themselves in the instability their friends and family were forced to live with after the natural disaster. Despite the chaos their music evokes hope, and joy. My limited and very broken knowledge of Spanish doesn’t give me much of an insight on the song meanings but the vibe of this whole album just gets me up off my butt and moving my feet and hips. The latin based rhythms with an Electronic pop influence makes this project quite an infectious and joyous romp.

Proof: Vàmono / El Aprieto / Mío / NTE

12. Purity Ring - WOMB Genre: Synth Pop

The third album from Canadian duo is a bit of a return to their darker and more brooding sound of their debut from the glossier and brighter sophomore album. Some of these descriptors may sound like a negative but trust me it is not. Now I seem to be in a minority that enjoyed the more electronic and pop focused sophomore album a bit more than their debut but it was still their debut that drew me in to them so this return is not met with any dismay from me. Always fascinated with the human body, WOMB is a coming of age album focusing on the weird things our body begins doing as we mature and how that affects us emotionally. It took them five years for this third album from another eternity but sometimes maturation just takes some time.

Proof: pink lightning / i like the devil / vehemence / stardew

11. Run The Jewels - RTJ4 Genre: Hip Hop

The first track is quite an exhilarating indication that even though this is the fourth record from the duo Run The Jewels, they haven’t lost any of their vigor. Dropped early during the protests going on around the country for police violence, RTJ had impeccable timing for their best project to date. All RTJ albums are quite a whirlwind and this is no exception. Both artists have been in the industry for over 20 years, but their collaboration has brought them both to new heights of notoriety for each of them. With this new stature nothing has changed in their music though, they still want to provide you music to party to and music to revolt to.

Proof: yankee and the brave (ep. 4) / JU$T (Feat. Pharrell WIlliams & Zach de la Rocha) / the ground below / a few words from the firing squad (radiation)

10. Super Duper - HALLELUJAH! Genre: Electronic / Dance

The full length debut from Nashville producer Super Duper is quite an endorphin shot in the ear. I first found out about Super Duper seeing him open for Petit Biscuit a couple years ago without knowing anything about him. I enjoyed his use of electronic backdrops with reverb and echo to create space within it along with the cleaver voice samples and hard hitting drum patterns to inhabit said space. I immediately found his debut EP and eventually his follow up. When his EP Prelude came out earlier this year there was a noticeable uptick in the pop sensibilities in his sound. Sometimes this can be considered a negative but here it added another form of personality. His earlier albums were all expansive landscapes but the increase in pop singers and vocal samples adds a further human element for the listener to identify with as they explore these powerful backdrops.

Proof: We Had Everything / Quiver (Feat. Lonas) / Feel Good (Feat. Bre Kennedy) / All On You / Religion (Feat. Bre Kennedy)

9. Joji - Nectar Genre: R&B / Pop

Japanese singer George Miller has come a long way from his jokester YouTube days to his sophomore album here. Beginning his career in entertainment as an online shock humor performer, Joji is known for being responsible for the “Harlem Shake” meme craze years ago. In 2017 Miller decided to focus on a legit music career dropping off his debut EP In Tongues that year. The EP was a good introduction but suffered a bit of consistency. The kinks were ironed out a bit for his debut album, Ballads 1 which had the gut wrenching “Slow Dancing In The Dark”. There still was a bit of consistency issues present though but those are all but fully worked out on this impressive sophomore effort. Creativity was never an issue for Joji’s music but needed to be channeled more in a cohesive direction across a whole project and it seems he is able to find that focus here. “Run” is up there with one of the most beautiful songs to come out this year. It is pretty impressive the growth Joji has made in four years and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Proof: Daylight (w/ Diplo) / Run / Sanctuary / Afterthought (Feat. BENEE) / Your Man

8. Shallou - Magical Thinking Genre: Electronic / Synth Pop / Future Bass

After a few lovely EP’s over the years, LA producer Shollou dropped off his melodic and ethereal debut full length. Shallou’s form of electronic music is very subdued and modest on the surface yet expansive and encompassing the deeper you venture as a listener. Where the music lacks in flash it does not lack in complexity, emotional depth and infectious melodies. Shollou created worlds of subtlety and sophistication, that double dips as easy listening sounds or music to immerse yourself and get lost in.

Proof: Forget / Mutual Love (w/ Zachary Knowles) / Silhouettes (Feat. Vancouver Sleep Clinic) / Older (w/ Daya) / Good Together (w/ Ashe)

7. The Weeknd - After Hours Genre: alt-R&B / neo-Soul

One of my favorite artists making music today (and one of the inspirations of me making this blog in the first place), The Toronto based singer Abel Tesfaye goes a bit back to his roots while still expanding his musical palette on his fourth full length record here. As the 2018 EP My Dear Melancholy, hinted to us, the neon lighting synth pop of his precious two records are taking more of a back seat for the dark and moody R&B melodies of his first record and mixtapes.The difference is his early mixtapes were a consistent mood but After Hours is a whole experience. Now as a more seasoned artist Abel is able to more effectively mold the atmosphere to his will. And take in previous explorations as well as new ones into his atmospheric sound seamlessly. “Blinding Lights” that would have fit perfectly on Star Boy or “In Your Eyes” equipped with some new jazzy saxophone yet neither standing out in the whole composition of the project show this dexterity off well. The former being possibly the most successful single of 2020.

Proof: Scared To Live / Heartless / Blinding Lights / In Your Eyes / After Hours

6. Jonah Mutono - GERG Genre: alt-R&B / Soul

London based Kenyan singer Jonah drops off a gorgeous debut album here. Jonah, who himself grew up in a very religious family, has been hiding his sexuality and this album addresses how that puts a strain on him and his relationships. GERG is a gripping expose as the singer comes to terms with his own needs and desires and brings to light them for the audience to see and feel. His voice is both commanding and soothing, mostly in a deep somber tone but can get up to some surprising heights when needed. His music sort of sounds like a cross between Kwabs and Frank Ocean. “The Low” which specifically is above loving someone in private from your family is maybe one of the most feels inducing songs of 2020.

Proof: Shoulders / If You Mean It / The Low / Circulation / South Bank

5. Phantogram - Ceremony Genre: Synth Pop

Despite the chaos in the world that is defining 2020, the return of one of my favorite groups in music is about finding the love that will keep you positive and moving through it. It’s been a bit of a journey for the New York duo with some thrilling highs and heartbreaking woes. After the success of their 2009 debut album Eyelid Dreams. The group really took their time on their sophomore effort knowing this will more be what defines their direction and sound then the debut. After a couple EPs to hold fans over when 2014’s Voices dropped it was a triumphant release that pushed their notoriety in the indie pop world to great heights. The next year was a gifted creative experiment collaboration with Oukast’s Big Boi in the Big Grams EP, but later that year tragedy struck with lead singer Sarah Barthel’s sister committing suicide. Three was released in 2016 written and recorded during the morning of this death which led to a much more emotionally charged offering. For their fourth album they could have kept with the darker vernacular of its predecessor but after going through the healing process from their own heart break, Sarah and Josh wanted to instead offer a record of healing and hope to the world in a time we all need it. That doesn’t mean Ceremony is devoid of the impacting sentiments of before. Ceremony is still as much a personal record as Three, but looks more to the future with a hopeful viewpoint then the past looking record before it. A necessary step for anyone to take towards healing from a trauma and/or tragedy. Nothing shows this off more than the poignantly brilliant “Pedestal”, possibly the most passionate and emotionally intimate record of the group’s career, that never fails to leave me in goosebumps no matter how many times I listen.

Proof: Dear God / Into Happiness / In a Spiral / Pedestal / Let Me Down

4. Childish Gambino - 3.15.20 Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

For possibly his final album as Childish Gambino, Donald Glover left us an interesting crescendo of his musical career. 3.15.20 is a conglomerate of his previous albums wrapped up in a concise and cohesive, yet exploratory and eclectic album. The Boom Bap inspiration of CAMP, the spaced out futuristic wonder of Because The Internet, and the nostalgic and funk driven change up of Awaken My Love! are all represented here. The way the album meaders has been something critiqued of this record, but I find it’s part of it’s creative charm. Time being a theme of the album you feel the way time is a bit aimless as it just progresses, which leads to the moments you remember really sticking through. On your first listen you never know what time has in store for you on the upcoming track. Some may think this is peculiar and too subtle of a final statement, but I think it fits the artists perfectly. Donald can be in your face, but as his career in comedy and Television progressed he found his sweet spot at being subtle and rewarding those that pay attention to the margins.Who knows what is next for Donald’s career (he is halfway to an EGOT), but if this is the end of his musical journey I am very glad to be a witness of it.

Proof: Algorhythm / Time (Feat. Ariana Grande) / 19.10 / 42.26 / 47.48

3. Kacy Hill - Is It Selfish If We Talk About Me Again Genre: R&B / neo-Soul / Synth Pop

It has been quite a journey for the 26 year old singer to this point. After beginning a career in modeling at the age of 16, a venture that she sort of fell into and wasn’t something she was passionate about, Hill also began dabbling in music. While on tour with Kanye West as a backup dancer for the Yeezus Tour, Kanye heard a self released single of hers and immediately signed her to his G.O.O.D. Music label. This is around when she popped on my radar. After a 2015 EP and a 2017 Album, Kacy decided to leave the label which leads us to this self released sophomore album from the singer. It seems the roller coaster of the young singer’s career up to this point has given a clarity for Hill to create her most emotional gripping and cohesive project. Part of the strength of this album was working intimately with Francis and the Lights who is a producer on 6 of the 11 tracks and gives the project it’s common vernacular. Utilizing Francis’ Synth and bass heavy backdrops, Hill allows her sweet falsetto to hit some impassioned locations. There is a sort of yin and yang to her vulnerable lyrics and the darker cavernous production that give each track depth. Kacy is now in full control of her music and we see she is very capable with this role.

Proof: To Someone Else / Much Higher / Porsche / I Believe In You (Feat. Francis and the Lights) / Six

2. Kasbo - The Making of a Paracosm Genre: Electronic / Future Bass

It’s easy to get lost in the lavish and vibrant ecosystems of Swedish producer Kasbo’s immersive music. Kasbo’s debut album Places We Don’t Know was easily one of my favorite and most replayed albums of 2018. For the follow up. Kasbo ups the ante a bit with this lush and cinematic offering; each song is rich with so many layered melodies and bursting with gripping emotion. The coatings of pianos, synths and vocal samples are woven together with an orchestral composition. The tracks all have a form of deep breathes inward and explosive exhilations that lift the listener up in their swirling harmonies. Though the pieces all are vast and expansive they are both introspective and affectionately personal. Kasbo had a very tough time in between his debut and sophomore albums, with an undiagnosable bout of severe hearing loss. Once his hearing returned and he was able to continue where he left off on his music you can hear the sense of leaving it all out there in this project. He doesn’t know if the condition will return so he made sure to make this project one that conveys what he needed to convey; which despite that scary premonition is unbridled hope.

Proof: Play Pretend (Feat. Ourchives) / Blur / Lune (Feat. Vancouver Sleep Clinic) / Staying In Love (Feat. Nea) / Show You

1. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic

From the opening chopped up and synth-out vocal sample you realize this journey the multi-instrumentalist from Australia is about to take us on is one much different than his previous efforts. It took Kevin Parker 5 years to follow up his mega acclaimed third album Currents. The album pushed him to a new stature selling out large amphitheaters on his own and as a consistent festival headliner. The long wait and meteoric rise proved fruitful for this outwardly exuberant and extroverted yet simultaneously introspective and internal album. The Slow Rush is for anyone that connects with people who while socially at parties or clubs constantly feel hidden to the world. Those who both see the world moving around them at a fast pace yet still feel as if they are moving in slow motion.

Musically, The Slow Rush is a sonic fondue pot of many genres and timelines melted and stirred together. There’s both nostalgia and futuristic aspiration swirled in every track with footsteps in every decade from the 60’s to 2020. Imagine Hall & Oates, Pink Floyd and Daft Punk having a musical orgy while on acid. Despite the sheer vast amount of styles and genres being pressured into this album there is an uncanny level of sophistication by Kevin in this science experiment of an album. The project’s crescendo is the psychedelic thunder cloud of “It Might Be Time”. The track starts out airy, spacious and understated, slowly synth keys start jabbing in, yet still don’t ready you for the bombardment of 808’s, and symbol crashes of the momentous chorus that hits you right in the gut and gets you on your feet.

The Slow Rush is both an album you can put on at a party as well as chill alone and vibe out to. On the surface are the euphoric dance indications but a deeper inspection, should one wish to take on, finds the emotional and gripping crosscurrents that are interwoven throughout. If there’s levels of protection from past pain, and uncertainty for the future holding you back, well “it might be time to face it”.

Proof: One More Year / Borderline / Posthumous Forgiveness / Breathe Deeper / On Track / It Might Be Time

Others:

Good: Abir - HEAT, A Boogie wit da Hoodie - Artist 2.0, AceMo - I Want to Believe, AceMoMa - A New Dawn [HOA007], The Aces - Under My Influence, Action Bronson - Only For Dolphins, Active Child - In Another Life, Actress - Larama & Desire, Adrian Younge & Ali Shaheed Muhammad - Jazz Is Dead 001, Adrian Younge, Ali Shaheed Muhammad & Roy Area - JID002, Aesop Rock - Freedom Finger [Music from the Game], Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guild, A. G. Cook - Apple, Agnes Obel - Myopia, Alanis Morissette - Such Pretty Forks in the Road, Alaska Reid - Big Bunny, Alec Benjamin - These Two Windows, Alexandra Savior - The Archer, Allan Rayman - Christian, Alicia Keys - ALICIA, Allie X - Cape God, ALMA - Have You Seen Her?, Aloe Blacc - All Love Everything, Aminé - Limbo, Andrianne Lenker - songs, Andy Shauf - The Neon Skyline, Ángela Muñoz & Adrian Younge - Introspection, Angelica Vila - Deception Szn 1, Angel Olsen - Whole New Mess, Anna Burch - If You’re Dreaming, Another Sky - I Slept On The Floor, Ariana Grande - Positions, Armin van Buuren - Lost Tapes, A$AP Ferg - Floor Seats II, Astrid S - Leave It Behind, Atmosphere - Whenever, August Alsina - The Product III: stateofEMERGEncy, The Avalanches - We Will Always Love You, Ava Max - Heaven & Hell, AWOLNATION - Angel Miners & the Lightning Riders Baauer - PLANET’S MAD, Bad Bunny - LAS QUE NO IBAN A SALIR, Bassnector - All Colors, Baths - Pop Music / False B-Sides II, BENEE - Hey u x, Banoffee - Look at Us Now Dad, Beach Bunny - Honeymoon, beabadoobee - Fake It Flowers, Becca Mancari - The Greatest Part, Becca Stevens - Wonderbloom, Benny the Butcher - Burden of Proof, Best Coast - Always Tomorrow, Beyoncé - The Lion King: The Gift (Deluxe Edition), Big Sean - Detroit 2, Bishop Nehru - Nehruvian Tuesdays: Vol, 1, blackbear - everything means nothing, BLACKSTARKIDS - Whatever, Man, Black Thought - Streams of Thought, Vol. 3: Cane and Abel, Blu & Exile - Miles, Blxst - No Love Lost, Bombay Bicycle Club - Everything Else Has Gone Wrong, Bongeziwe Mabandla - iimini, Boniface - Boniface, Botany - End The Summer F(or)ever, boy pablo - Wachito Rico, Brandon - Coming Clean, Brandy - B7, Bree Runway - 2000AND4EVA [Mixtape], Brent Faiyaz - Fuck The World, Bryson Tiller - A N N I V E R S A R Y, Bryson Tiller - T R A P S O U L (Deluxe), Buddy & Kent Jamz - Janktape Vol. 1, Buju Banton - Upside Down 2020, Busta Rhymes - Extinction Level Event 2: The Wrath of God, Burna Boy - Twice As Tall Cam’ron - Purple Haze 2, Cassian - Laps, Caribou - Suddenly, Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated Side B, Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open, Chelsea Cutler - How To Be Human, Chloe x Halle - Ungodly Hour, Circa Waves - Sad Happy, Clap! Clap! - Liquid Portraits, Cleo Sol - Rose in the Dark, clipping. - Visions of Bodies Being Burned, Common - The Beautiful Revolution (Pt. 1), Com Truise - In Decay, Too, Conway the Machine - From King To A GOD, CRi - Juvenile, Cults - Host, Cut Copy - Freeze, Melt D Smoke - Bad Habits, DaBaby - BLAME IT ON BABY, DaBaby - My Brother’s Keeper (Long Live G), Daecolm - Figur£$, Dan Deacon - Mystic Familiar, Dave East - Karma 3 [Mixtape], Declan McKenna - Zeros, Dee-1 & Murs - He’s the Christian, I’m the Rapper, Dehd - Flower of Devotion, Delacey - Black Coffee, Delta Heavy - Only in Dreams (Remixes), Denzel Curry - UNLOCKED [Mixtape], Destroyer - How We Met, Diana Gordon - Wasted Youth, Diplo - Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley Chapter 1: Snake Oil, Diplo - MMXX, Dirty Projectors - 5EPs, dj poolboi - it’s good to hear your voice, DJ Snake - Carte Blanche (Deluxe), Drake - Dark Lane Demo Tapes, DRAMA - Dance Without Me, Dreamville - Revenge of the Dreamers III Echosmith - Lonely Generation, EDEN - no future, Ekali - A World Away, Ela Minus - acts of rebellion, ELIO - u and me, but mostly me, Ella Vos - Turbulence, Ellie Goulding - Brightest Blue, E.M.M.A. - Indigo Dream, Eric Bellinger - Eric B For President: Term 3, Eric Bellinger - Hor D’oeuvres, Ethan Gruska - En Garde, Everything Everything - RE-ANIMATOR, Everything Is Recorded - FRIDAY FOREVER, Example - Some Nights Last For Days Fana Hues - Hues, Felt (Murs & Slug) - Felt 4 U, FINNEAS - Blood Harmony (Deluxe), Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters, The Flaming Lips - American Head, Fleet Foxes - Shore, flora cash - Baby, It’s Okay, Four Tet - Sixteen Oceans, Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist - Alfredo, Free Nationals - Free Nationals, Future Islands - As Long As You Are, Future Utopia - 12 Questions Gabrielle Aplin - Dear Happy, Galantis - Church, PG-Eazy - Everything’s Strange Here, Gengahr - Sanctuary, Gil Scott-Heron & Makaya McCraven - We’re New Again: A Reimagine by Makaya McCraven, Glass Animals - Dreamland, Good Sad Happy Bad - Shade, Gorillaz - Song Machinem Season One: Strange Timez, GRACEY - The Art Of Closure, grandson - Death Of An Optimist, Gregory Porter - All Rise, GRiZ - Chasing The Golden Hour Pt. 3 [Mixtape], Grouplove - The Healer, GUM - Out In The World, Gus Dapperton - Orca, Guy Sebastian - T.R.U.T.H. Half Waif - The Caretaker, Haiku Hands - Haiku Hands, Hannah Georgas - All That Emotion, HAWA - the ONE, Hayley Williams - Petals for Armor, Henry Hall - Neato, Hinds - The Prettiest Curse, HMLTD - West of Eden, Hudson Mohawke - Airborne Lard, Hudson Mohawke - B.B.H.E., Hudson Mohawke - Poom Gems, Hurts - Faith Icarus - Unfold, Isaia Huron - Libbie J Balvin - Colores, Jacob Latimore - C3, Jacob Latimore - Leo Season, Jack Harlow - Thats What They All Say, Jadakiss - Ignatius, Jade Novah - Stages, Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - Reunions, Jay Electronica - A Written Testimony, Jean Dawson - Pixel Bath, Jeezy - The Recession 2, Jeff Tweedy - Love Is The King, Jeremy Zucker - love is not dying, Jess Cornelius - Distance, Jessie Reyez - BEFORE LOVE CAME TO KILL US, Jhené Aiko - Chilombo, John Legend - Bigger Love, JoJo - good to know, J Lloyd - Kosmos, Jonah Yano - souvenir, Joyner Lucas - ADHD, JOYRYDE - Brave, Juice WRLD - Legends Never Die, Juicy J - THE HUSTLE CONTINUES, Junglepussy - JP4, Justin Bieber - Changes, Justine Skye - BARE WITH ME (The Album) Kaash Paige - Teenage Forever, Kacy Hill - Just Circling Back Here: Is It Selfish If I Talk About Me Again (Remixes), Kali Uchis - Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otris Demonios)∞, Kamaiyah - Got It Made, Katie Day - Mydata, Katie Gately - Loom, Katy Perry - Smile, K CAMP - Kiss 5, Keaton Henson - Monument, Kehlani - It Was Good Until It Wasn’t, Kevin Morby - Sundowner, Khushi - Strange Seasons, Khruangbin - Mordechai, Kiana Ledé - KIKI, Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon III: The Chosen, Kid Krow - Conan Gray, Kiesza - Crave, Kiiara - lil kiiwi, King Princess - Cheap Queen (Deluxe), Kllo - Maybe We Could, KLOUD - AUTONOMY, K. Michelle - All Monsters Are Human, Knxwledge - 1998, Kodaline - One Day at a Time, Kygo - Golden Hour, KYLE - See You When I am Famous!!!!!!!!!!!!, Kylie Minogue - DISCO Lane 8 - Brightest Lights, LANY - mama’s boy, LA Priest - GENE, La Roux - Supervision, Last Heroes - Finding Light, Laura Marling - Song For Our Daughter, Laura Veirs - My Echo, Lauv - ~how i’m feeling~, Lecrae - Restoration, Lewis Del Mar - AUGUST, Lianne La Havas - Lianne La Havas, Lil Wayne - Funeral, Little Dragon - New Me, Same Us, Little Mix - Confetti, LL Cool J - Authentic, Logic - No Pressure, Long Beach Dub Allstars - Long Beach Dub Allstars, Lonr. - Land of Nothing Real, Louis Tomlinson - Walls, Loyal Lobos - Everlasting, Lucas & Steve - Letters to Remember, Luh Kel - L.O.V.E., Lucky Daye - Painted (Deluxe Edition), Luke James - to feel love/d Mac Miller - Circles, MAITA - Best Wishes, Major Lazer - Music Is The Weapon, Mala Rodriguez - MALA, Margo Price - That’s How Rumors Get Started, Marsh - Lailonie, Marsh - Lost in You, MAX - Colour Vision, Maya Hawke - Blush, Mayor Hawthorne - Rare Changes, Medasin - RIPPLS, Megan Thee Stallion - Good News, Megan Thee Stallion - Suga, Midwife - Forever, The Midnight - Monsters, Mija - Desert Trash, Miley Cyrus - Plastic Hearts, MisterWives - SUPERBLOOM, Mitch - Better For You, Moaning - Uneasy Laughter, Moses Sumner - græ, The Mountain Goats - Getting Into Knives, Mourning [A] BLKstar - The Cycle, Mura Masa - R.Y.C., mxmtoon - dawn/dusk Nada Surf - Never Not Together, Naeem - Startisha, Nap Eyes - Snapshot of a Beginner, Nappy Roots - 40RTY, Nas - King’s Disease, Nathaniel Rateliff - And It’s Still Alright, The Neighbourhood - Chip Chrome & The Mono-Tones, Neon Trees - I Can Feel You Forgetting, Netsky - Second Nature, NIKI - Moonchild, NNAMDÏ - BRAT, No Mana - Secret Level, Norah Jones - Pick Me Up off the Floor, Nothing - The Great Dismal, Nothing But Thieves - Moral Panic Ohmme - Fantasize Your Ghost, Oh Wonder - No One Else Can Wear The Crown, Okay Kaya - Watch This Liquid Pour Itself, Omar Apollo - Apolonio, Omarion - The Kinection, Omar S - You Want, Open Mike Eagle - Anime, Trauma and Divorce, Orion Sun - Hold Space For Me, The Overcoats - The Fight PARTYNEXTDOOR - PARTYMOBILE, PARTYNEXTDOOR - PARTYPACK, Passenger - Patchwork, Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately, Petit Biscuit - Parachute, Pet Shop Boys - Hotspot, Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher, Photay - Waking Hours, Pictish Trail - Thumb World, POLIÇA - When We Stay Alive, Popcaan - FIXTAPE, Poppy - I Disagree, Pop Smoke - Shoot for the Stars Aim for the Moon, Poolside - Low Season, Porches - Ricky Music, Post Animal - Forward Motion Godyssey, The Professionals (Madlib & Oh No) - The Professionals, Princess Nokia - Everything Is Beautiful, Princess Nokia - Everything Sucks, Public Enemy - What You Gonna Do When The Grid Goes Down?, Pure X - Pure X Quinn XCII - A Letter to My Younger Self, Queen Naija - missunderstood RAC - BOY, Ratboys - Printer’s Devil, Real Estate - The Main Thing, REASON - New Beginnings, Recondite - Dwell, Rhys Lewis - Things I Chose to Remember, Rina Sawayama - SAWAYAMA, Riz Ahmed - The Long Goodbye, RJD2 - The Fun Ones, Ro James - MANTIC, Royce da 5’9” - The Allegory, Russ - SHAKE THE SNOW GLOBE, Ryan Beatty - Dreaming of David Sad13 - Haunting Painting, SAINt JHN - While The World Was Burning [Mixtape], Sam Lee - Oh Wow, Sam Smith - Love Goes, San Fermin - The Cormorant I & II, Sasha Sloan - Only Child, SAULT - Untitled (Black Is), SAULT - Untitled (Rise), Savannah Ré - Opia, SAYGRACE - The Defining Moments of SAYGRACE: Girlhood, Fuckboys & Situationlists, Sea Wolf - Through A Dark Wood, Selena Gomez - Rare, Sérgio Mendez - In the Key of Joy, Sevdaliza - Shabrang, S.G. Goodman - Old Time Feeling, Shabazz Palaces - The Don of Diamond Dreams, Shamir - Shamir, Shoffy - Flash, Shopping - All or Nothing, Sleepy Hallow - Sleepy Hallow Presents: Sleepy For President, Slowly Slowly - Race Car Blues, Smashing Pumpkins - CYR, Smino - She Already Decided [Mixtape], Special Interest - The Passion Of, Soccer Mommy - Color Theory, Social Club Misfits - Feared by Hell, Songhoy Blues - Optimisme, Son Little - Aloha, Sorry - 925, Spacey Jane - Sunlight, Spencer Brown - Stream of Consciousness, Steve Aoki - Neon Future IV, Steve Spacek - House, Stormzy - Heavy Is The Head, STRFKR - Future Past Life, Sturgill Simpson - Cuttin’ Grass Vol. 1 (Butcher Shoppe Sessions), Sturgill SImpson - Cuttin’ Grass, Vol. 2 (Cowboy Arms Sessions), Sub Focus & Wilkinson - Portals, $uicideboy$ - Stop Staring at the Shadows, Surfaces - Horizons, Sweaton Klank - Good Days, Sweet Whirl - How Much Works, Swing Ting - 100 Dances, Symba - Don’t Run From R.A.P. TeaMarr - Before I Spill Myself, Tech N9ne - Enterfear, Tennis - Swimmer, Teno Afrika - Amapiano Selections, Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper, 9th Wonder & Kamasi Washington - Dinner Party, Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper, 9th Wonder & Kamasi Washington - Dinner Party: Dessert, Teyana Taylor - The Album, T.I. - The L.I.B.R.A., Tiana Major9 - Back At Sixes And Sevens, Tiësto - The London Sessions, Tink - Hopeless Romantic, Thao & The Get Down Stay Down - Temple, The-Dream - SXTPA, Theophilus London - Bebay, THEY. - The Amanda Tape, Thundercat - It Is What It Is, Thunder Jackson - Thunder Jackson, Tkay Maidza - Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 2, TOKiMONSTA - Oasis Nocturno, Tom Misch & Yussef Dayes - What Kinda Music,Toni Braxton - Spell My Name, TOPS - I Feel Alive, TORRES - Silver Tongue, Tory Lanez - The New Toronto 3, Trey Songz - Back Home, T.R.U. & 2 Chainz - No Face No Chase, Two Feet - Pink, Tycho - Simulcast, Ty Dolla $ign - Featuring Ty Dolla $ign Various Artists - Bad Boys For Life Soundtrack, Various Artists - Birds is Pray: The Album, Various Artists - Ophelia Presents: Advent Volume 1, Various Artists - Ophelia Presents: Advent Volume 2, Various Artists - Promising Young Woman (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Various Artists - REPRISE: A Roc Nation Album, Various Artists - Sable Valley Summer Vol. 1, Various Artists - The Turning (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Varsity - Fine Forever, Vic Mensa - V TAPE, Victoria Monét - JAGUAR, Vistas - Everything Changes in the End, Vundabar - Either Light, Vybz Kartel - To Tanesha Washed Out - Purple Noon, Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud, Whitney - Candid, William Black - Pages (The Remixes), WizKid - Made In Lagos, Wiz Khalifa - The Saga of Wiz Khalifa, Wolf Parade - Thin Mind Xavier Omär - if You Feel Yaeji - WHAT WE DREW 우리가 그려왔던, Yellow Claw - Never Dies, Yellow Days - A Day in a Yellow Beat, YG - My Life 5Hunnid, Yo Gotti - Untrapped, Youngr - Memories, Yumi Zouma - Truth or Consequences, Yves Tumor - Heaven To a Tortured Mind Zeds Dead - We Are Deadbeats (Vol. 4), Zeds Dead - We Are Deadbeats (Vol. 4 Deluxe) 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi, The 1975 - Notes On A Conditional Form, 2 Chainz - So Help Me God!, 5 Seconds of Summer - CALM

Meh: ARTHUR - Hair of the Dog, The Black Lips - Sing in a World That’s Falling Apart, Bring Me The Horizon - POST HUMAN: SURVIVAL HORROR, Bruno Major - To Let A Good Thing Die, Cuddle Magic - Bath, Don Toliver - Heaven Or Hell, Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By, Foogiano - Gutta Baby, Frances Quinlan - Likewise, French Montana - CB5, Future - High On Life, Future & Lil Uzi Vert - Pluto x Baby Pluto, iann dior - I’m Gone, Ichiko Aoba - Windswept Adan, IDLES - Ultra Mono, Jacob Collier - Djesse, Vol. 3, Jason Mraz - Look For The Good, Jaunt - All In One, Jaye Jayle - Prisyn, Lil Baby - My Turn, Lil Uzi Vert - Eternal Atake, Lil Uzi Vert - LUV vs. The World 2, Machine Gun Kelly - Tickets To My Downfall, Masiwei & Higher Brothers - Prince Charming, MHYSA - Navaeh, Nicolas Jaar - Cenizas, RARE Sound & K Camp - Rare Family, Rich The Kid - BOSS MAN, Rich The Kid & YoungBoy Never Broke Again - Nobody Safe, Rico Nasty - Nightmare Vacation, Social Club Misfits - MOOD // DOOM, WHIPPED CREAM - WHO IS WHIPPED CREAM?

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artxyra · 5 years

Text

In Her Darkest Moment - Part 2

Part 1 | 2 | 3

Note: The song inspiration came from Utada Hikaru & Skrillex Face My Fears. Yes, there will be a part 3. It just felt right to end the part where it was rather than continue it to be a completed two-shot story. Don’t know when the next part will be out but I did start it.

Marinette’s day started off okay. Her usual clients emailed her for some design commission, her lovers decided that today they would the day that they make breakfast for her, but the day comes to still when she sees an official letter in the mail.

You Are Invited to Lycée Fantômette Dupont Reunion!

Oh yes, an invitation to the worse years of her life. It still amazes her how she was able to graduate with all her absent days and constant visits to the dean’s office.

“Did you see the news?” Marinette turns to see Kagami, dress in a casual black and red jumpsuit.

Marinette sighs and places the letter down. She didn’t know how to answer this. There were already too many memories running through her brain to even think of a proper reply.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Kagami comforts placing a kiss on the conflicted woman’s cheek. “If it makes you feel any better, we don’t have to go.”

Marinette shakes her head, “No, we should go. I want to see whether or not they have changed enough to understand that her lies have consequences.”

Kagami takes a step back, a hand coving her heart. A smile sneaks it away onto the Japanese’s native woman. “Of course, you would. Should I tell Fe and Luka of your decision?”

Marinette nods, “That would be wise. Actually…I might have something better in mind.” The designer teases biting her bottom lip.

Kagami has known Marinette long enough to know that mischief is that woman’s best friend through thick and thin. Nodding, Kagami notices the time and rushes out of the room. Marinette lets out a small chuckle and returns to reading the letter.

There is never a bad time to face her past, and as much as she blocked out everything regarding her times in Lycée, there were still some good memories. It’s an odd feeling to have ten years’ worth of fear piling in her small body structure, but she didn’t want to linger on to that feeling any longer.

Burying herself in her commissions, Marinette barely heard the slamming of her office door late on that evening.

“This is ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” A certain blonde shout to the heavens. Marinette stops her sowing and turns to see one of her closest friends, who’s chest is out and seething. Pushing the fabric aside, the bluenette gets up and lightly push against the blonde’s shoulder.

“What happened?” She asks looking at the blonde in the eyes.

Chloe huffs and folds her arms, “Our favorite liar decided that it would be useful to use your name once more for personal gain.”

Marinette’s bluebell eyes widen. She stands frozen against Chloe. Her breathing quickens as the once buried memories flood their way into her mind. Subconsciously, she touches her shoulder and rubs her forearm.

Chloe quickly notices the woman’s actions and guide her to the futon. Siting blue-haired woman down, Chloe immediately tries to get her to do some breathing exercises. Realizing that wasn’t working, Chloe pulls out her phone calls the others. Luka’s the first to answer.

“She’s having a panic attack,” Chloe immediately states, placing the call on the speaker.

Luka immediate sings a soft lullaby, as Chloe adds Félix and Kagami to the call.

“Netta, listen to us, you are safe, she can’t get to you now.” Félix states in the softest voice he could muster.

As the three lovers try to soothe their love, Chloe paces back and forth thinking of possible ways to get the panic woman out of her attack. She hates seeing Marinette like this, Lycée was hard on all of them and here was the past creeping its way back up to them.

They have created a life outside of lycée, away from their former classmates and tormentors. Marinette became a successful designer despite doing it under a pseudonym named Fortunate Red, Kagami being a fencing instructor and agent, Félix becoming a well-known lawyer, Luka taking off in his solo career as a rock star, and her being the best damn PR specialist for the group.

“I think she’s coming to.” Chloe acknowledges seeing the clouded look in Marinette’s eyes fade away. Immediately after saying that, the three on the phone simultaneously sighs in relief.

“That’s good to hear, Chloe,” Kagami states what they all were thinking. “Please keep an eye on her. We know how much she hates it, but I wouldn’t want to take the risk.” The others were quick to agree but not without promises of being home soon.

The call ends; Marinette shakes the daze away and looks around. “What happened?”

Chloe pinches the bridge of her nose and murmurs, “You don’t want to know. Anyways, as your PR, I advise you to stay away from social media, especially your old accounts.”

Marinette tilts her head sideways, why would Chloe mention her practically dead social media accounts? She hasn’t posted anything on there in ten years—perhaps it was longer than that.

“I won’t. I promise.” Marinette promise. “I think I need to take a walk—a break, maybe. I promise Madeline that I would meet her at the café.”

Chloe gives Marinette a reassuring smile.

“Maybe I should go with you, besides I miss Madeline.” Chloe offers.

“You don’t have to do that; besides, I will have Tikki and Plagg with me.”

“I thought Plagg was with Félix.”

“He didn’t want to listen to another long meeting without cheese being present.” Marinette giggles.

Chloe loves these moments. Moments when Marinette is herself, carefree, and the weight of her past behind her even if it’s for a moment.

“Fine, you can go but the moment Madeline calls us, we’re going in.” Chloe readjusts her purse, “Also tell her to call me, she missed our last dinner date because of the late-night rush at the restaurant.”

Marinette nods and calls for the two kwamis out of their miniature house. Due to Marinette becoming the guardian of Miraculous box once she was fully trained, she felt bad for the kwamis and decided to make them a little house—similar to a dollhouse—for them to live and have fun in. It works out as it gave something to come back to and give them all personal spaces.

“So, Marinette are you going to go to the reunion?” Tikki wonders flying next to her chosen.

Marinette didn’t answer. Her mind wanders off to the possibilities that could happen regarding the decision to go. They always did say the best way to be free is to face the fears that are holding you back.

~*~

Breaking News: Lila Agreste nee Rossi claims that her husband Adrien Agreste is having an affair with a former Lycée classmate!

“I caught them in our bed!” Rossi claims. “This wasn’t the first time, either!”

Headlines: Adrien Agreste remains silent at this acquisition.

Headlines: Are Rossi and Agreste getting a divorce?

Breaking News: Rossi claims that former classmate Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a homewrecker!

~*~

Marinette couldn’t help but feel an enormous amount of guilt. Chloe’s warning may have done her good on the social media part, but it didn’t stop her from seeing the newspaper and hearing the whispers behind her back as she continues with her daily routine.

“You shouldn’t be reading those, Netta. We don’t want you to have another relapse.” Luka states wrapping his arms around her shoulder.

“I-I-I can’t help it.” She stutters, her voice cracking. “I haven’t seen or spoken to any of them in a long time, so why put my name out there?” She ponders covering her face an attempt to hide from the world around her.

“You’re not obligated to attend the reunion.” Luka reminds her, but Marinette shakes her head.

“It won’t do me any good to stay away now. That will only make me look guilty to those that still believe her lies.”

She did have a point. Everyone in their graduating class received the invite and nearly everyone in Marinette’s class believed the lies especially after the photo incident.

Luka sighs and a quick text to Félix.

“I guess I’ll get the car prepared, then.”

Marinette goes to kiss Luka’s cheek, allowing herself to feel a little peace with this decision.

~*~

Lila couldn’t believe how easy it was to bring the Dupont’s everyday Ladybug name back into her crazy schemes for attention and power. All it took was a little bit of blackmailing on some well-known reporters and the waterworks.

No matter what, she will get her happy ending. Lila believed she thought her plan entirely through. Soon Juleka would be able to sway her rock star of a brother into her scheme allowing her to be his lover. Adrien was dead to her. She dried him the minute they got married, but her spot-light fantasy faded away when Gabriel Agreste had to file bankruptcy. It was then that Lila knew she needed someone better, richer, and handsome than the former model.

“I can’t believe that Marinette would do such a thing to you Lila.” Alya spats clearly angered at her former best friend for all the pain she causes the Italian woman.

Cue the waterworks, “It’s true, I caught them. She didn’t bat an eye when she rushed out of the house.”

Alya immediately goes to comfort the teary-eyed black widow.

“I would feel embarrassed for Marinette if she dared showed her face here tonight.” Lila couldn’t help but internally smirk at the damage she has caused.

“Oh look, there’s Rose, Juleka, and Alix over by the punch bowl.” Alya attempts to direct the conversation to something else.

Lila cheekily smiles and allows herself to be dragged over to the punch bowl. Alya immediately greets the small group of women.

“I heard about your divorce, Alya, how are you doing?” Alix cautiously asked despite the concerned look she’s giving to the reporter.

Alya sighs, “It was hard, but we manage to get an agreement for the kids.”

Alya wasn’t alright, she loved Nino with all her being, but when he asked for a divorce, it was out of the blue and she was going through a hard time finding a new journalism agency. Together they have twin boys that were as energetic as their mother when she was teen chasing after Ladybug.

“Oh my, I didn’t realize and here I am in tears about my marriage.” Lila gasps bringing the conversation back on her. Alya gives the Italian woman a soft smile and hands her a glass of punch. “So Juleka, is your brother joining us this evening?”

Juleka shrugs and pulls Rose into a side embrace. “He told me it was possible as his girlfriend is also a part of our graduating class.”

Lila nearly spits out her drink, “G-girlfriend.” She stutters cursing in the back of her mind that her plan was already going down like a sinking ship.

“Uh…yeah. I think he’s planning on proposing soon but we haven’t been in contact since the start of his tour.” Juleka adds cautiously seeing the slight change in Lila’s behavior.

Lila sends Juleka a sheepish smile and turns around to fold her arms against her chest.

“Well I do hope he shows up, it will be nice to see whom he’s dating.” Alya wonders, probably thinking of a new scoop for her blog.

~*~

Marinette is feeling a panic attack approaching, that or a nervous breakdown. Since the last time she saw the news, more information regarding the cheating scandal came to light. Reporters are going at each other throats about the lack of truth and trying to make as much sense as to why this story is just now coming out. Few of them tried to contact her, but she told them they had the wrong number.

“Deep breaths, Netta, we’re almost there.” Félix softly whispers into her ear holding the bluenette’s hand in his own.

Félix’s right, she does need to calm down.

The limo stops in front of the venue that the school provided for such an event. It was time for her to face her fears.

Exiting the limo, Marinette could only wish that she had taken up Tikki’s offer for her to accompany her, but she denied seeing as Félix, Kagami and Luka would be there with her. Even though their poly-relationship is hidden from the public they every much have a plan. Kagami’s dating Luka while she’s dating Félix. They only hope to marry one another one day but they’re happy with their dynamic.

“I’m ready.” Marinette murmurs, but her tense shoulders and quicken breathes would say otherwise.

“Baby steps, Netta, baby steps.” Kagami grabs hold of her black and blue-haired lover’s arm and walks towards the entrance.

Entering the banquet hall, Marinette could spot her other favorite blonde amid a conversation she clearly did not want to be in. Thankfully, Chloe caught sight of them and excuse herself from the conversation.

“Nette!” Chloe exclaims, but not before wishing that her voice was a little bit lowered.

Everyone has their eyes on the group of newcomers. Gossip spread throughout the adults and the majority of it was how Marinette showed her face to them after what she had done to Lila’s marriage.

“How are you doing?” Chloe asks her friend. “Don’t worry, my guys and I are working overtime to get this scandal handled. I’m sure Félix is putting together a case against Rossi and whoever’s involved with this.”

“That would be wrong of me to not help save my Netta’s reputation, Bourgeois,” Félix states wrapping his arms around Marinette’s small waist.

“Félix!” Marinette stares at him in shock. A small weight of negative emotions are lifted from her shoulders.

Félix gives her heartfelt smile and gently place a kiss on her temple.

Very audible gasps fill the ambient sounds.

Alya angerly charges towards the happy group with fire in her eyes. “How could you, Marinette! You show your disgraceful face here and have the audacity to kiss another man when you’re hoeing around with Adrien.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Cesaire. I haven’t seen Agreste in years.” Marinette states clinging to Félix’s blazer.

Alya screeches, her hand making a swing at Marinette. However, if it wasn’t for Félix grabbing her wrist mid-swing, Marinette would have been hurt.

“That is enough, Cesaire.” Félix growls, his cat-like instincts kicking in. “Marinette and I came here to have a good time and it would rude of you to act out at such a formal event.”

He then violently shoves her wrist away. Alya gawks at him.

“Your so-called girlfriend has been hooking up with another man behind your back and you’re acting like everything is okay.” Alya shrieks and if there wasn’t a crowd before, there was one now.

“I have not been hooking up with other men. I love Félix and I would never cheat on him.” Marinette sneers, her fears of the past coming at her was being boiled away by fury red anger. If Hawkmoth was still in action, this would have the perfect time to become Scarlet Moth. The amount of fury, confusion, and sadness ran high at the reunion.

Part 3

#fic: In Her Darkest Moments #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #miraculous ladybug fanfic #miraculous ladybug au #ml au #marinette dupain cheng #ml felix #kagami tsurugi #luka couffaine #more edits to come later #so did you guess the ship right

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hopethisdsntawakenanythinginme · 4 years

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👁∞👁

Oh yay!

From First To Last - "The Latest Plague" from "Heroine" (2006)

"What would you say, if this blemished face/This blemished face with a crooked nose/Had a chance to say whatever he wanted /from his blemished world of the unknown?"

This blew my 14 year-old mind when I heard it for the first time. The whole album is solid even if you're not a fan of emo, it's just a cool rock album. Sonny Moore (now known as Skr*ll*x) has a dynamic fucking voice and I'm sad he doesn't use it anymore.

Yes hello this was Skrillex in 2005

#asks #ask game #sonny moore #skrillex #music

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adevotedappraisal · 4 years

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Magdalene by FKA Twigs, a review.

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I’ve been learning some shit from women from as long as I’ve been alive. Always some other shit that I never asked for but I got told it. I used to treat them things they said as laws as a child, but I never saw them in a book, so then I stopped believing them. They were always hushed laws though, laws told with squinted eyes and italicized whispers, laws told when no one else was around.

I mean, now of course men make the real laws that we know and live by. Well come on now, we write them on parchment, and display them on lights, we code them into computers, inscribe them on coins and stone. But these women…man women tell you some other shit, like glue shit, in low, muttered tones in the quiet part of the house. Like advice on… well not how the world works, but how to deal with the world when it works against you, and how to make it work for you. But you see, I’ve come to believe that the fairer sex tells you different laws than the vaunted laws and advice of our fathers because they all around see the world differently than men do. They may, in fact, have been harbouring different goals than us all along.

I mean for christssakes us men have our hero’s journey as clear as day, writ large and indelible across history books and entertainment. You could take that Joseph Campbell mono-myth theory and see it expressed in Arthurian swash-buckle, the middle earth ring-slaying of Tolkien, or in the recently concluded tri-trilogy of Star Wars galactic clashes. We’re in the empire business, as Breaking Bad’s Walter White infamously said. But still, the question always lingered to me: what is the heroine’s journey? Is it really just a lady in a knight’s armour? Or some tough-as-nails spy for some interloping government’s intelligence agency, delivering kidney kicks in a designer pencil skirt?

Well, I’ve come to believe that the heroine’s journey is navigating the waves of history we imperial and trans-national men make from our railroads and pipelines, our satellites and wars, them at once preserving a culture and sparking a path and creating a bond between cultures in order for them and their (il)legitimate brood to survive. That old chestnut about how behind every successful man is a woman always unnerved me by its easy adoption. I kept thinking ‘bout that woman. I kept thinking, what the fuck was she thinking?

You see women’s heroes, they ain’t as clear as day to me. They don’t kill the dragon, they don’t save the townspeople, they don’t shoot the Sherriff, or the deputy, or anyone most times. When I ask people in public at my job what super power they would like, most men go for strength, flight, and regenerative abilities (my pick). Most women went with mind reading and flight. In late night conversations though, with the moonlight coming through the white blinds and resting soft on us like so, I sometimes manage to hear that women’s heroes heal and clean the sick of the nation, in sneakers with heels as round as a childhood eraser; they feed a family with one fish and five slices of wonder bread; they would run gambling spots in the back of their house, putting the needle back on the Commodores record and patrolling the perimeter of the smoked-out room with a black .45 nested by their love handles; they climb up flag poles and speak out loud in public for the disposed and teach children those unwritten, floating laws while cloistered in the quiet part of the house.

Although their heroines are sometimes from the top strata of society –a Pharaoh here, an Eleanor Roosevelt there, an Oprah over there—they also name a healthy mix of radicals and weirdos with modest music success, people like Susan B. Anthony, Frida Kahlo, Virginia Woolf, or Nikki Giovanni, I mean did Nina Simone or Janis Joplin even crack the Billboard top ten? Yet there they are, up on the walls of a thousand college dorms across the country. So even though I couldn’t’ve foreseen it, it makes sense that of all the ultra-natural creatures, of all the great conquering kings and divining prophets of the Holy Bible, Mary Magdalene ends up the spirit animal for the album of the year for 2019.

Mary Magdalene was a follower of Jewish Rabbi Jesus during the first century, according to the four Gospels of the New Testament of the Bible, a figure who was present for his miracles, his crucifixion and was the first to witness him after his resurrection. From Pope Gregory I in the sixth century to Pope Paul VI in 1969, the Roman Catholic Church portrayed her as a prostitute, a sinful woman who had seven demons exorcised from her. Medieval legends of the thirteenth century describe her as a wealthy woman who went to France and performed miracles, while in the apocryphal text The Gospel of Mary, translated in the mid-twentieth century, she is Jesus’ most trusted disciple who teaches the other apostles of the savior’s private philosophies.

Due to this range of description from varying figures in society, she gets portrayed in differing ways, by all types of women, each finding a part of Magdalene to explain themselves through. Barbra Hershey, in the first half of Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) plays her as a firm and mysterious guide, a rebellious older cousin almost, while Yvonne Elliman, in Norman Jewison’s 1973 film adaptation of Lloyd Weber’s Jesus Christ Superstar is lovelorn and tender throughout, a proud witness of the Word being written for the first time. In “Mary Magdalene,” FKA Twigs, the Birmingham UK alt-soul singer, describes the woman as a “creature of desire”, and she talks about possessing a “sacred geometry,” and later on in the song she tells us of “a nurturing breath that could stroke you/ divine confidence, a woman’s war, unoccupied history.” Her vocals that sound glassy and spectral in the solemn echoes of the acapella first third, co-produced by Benny Blanco, turn sensual and emotive when the blocky groove kicks in. That groove comes into its own on the Nicolas Jaar produced back third, and when this all is adorned with plucked arpeggios it sounds like an autumnal sister to the wintry prowl of Bjork’s “Hidden Place” from her still excellent Vespertine (2001).

This blending of the affairs of the body and of Christian theology is found in the moody “Holy Terrain” as well. While it is too hermetic and subdued to have been an effective single, it still works really well as an album track. In this arena, Future is not the hopped up king of the club, but a vulnerable star, with shaded eyes and a heart wrapped up in love and chemicals, sending his girl to church with drug money to pay tithes. Over a domesticated trap beat he shows a vulnerable bond that can exist, wailing his sins and his devotion like a tipsy boyfriend does in the middle of a party, or perhaps like John the Baptist did, during one of his frenzied sermons, possessed and wailing “if you pray for me I know you play for keeps, calling my name, calling my name/ taking the feeling of promethazine away.”

Magdalene, the singer’s sophomore release, takes the mysterious power and resonance of this biblical anti-heroine, and involves its songs with her, these emotional, multi-textured songs about fame, pain and the break up with movie star boyfriend Robert Pattinson. With “Sad Day,” Twigs sings with a delicate yet emotional yearning, imbued with a Kate Bush domesticity. The synth pads are a pulsing murmur, and the vocal samples are chopped and rendered into lonely, twisting figures. The drums crash in only every once in a while, just enough to reset the tension and carve out an electronic groove, while the rest of the thing is an exercise in mood and restraint, the production by twigs, Jaar and Blanco, along with Cashmere Cat and Skrillex, leaves her laments cosseted in a floating sound, distant yet dense and tumultuous, the way approaching storm clouds can feel. Meanwhile “Thousand Eyes” is a choir of Twigs, some voices cluttered and glittering, some others echoed and filled with dolour. “If you walk away it starts a thousand eyes,” she sings, the line starting off as pleading advice and by the close of the song ending up a warning in reverb, the vintage synths and updated DAWs used to create these sparse, aural haunts where the choral of shes and the digital ghosts of memory can echo around her whispered confessional.

In many of these divorce albums, the other party’s role in the conflict is laid bare in scathing terms: the wife that “didn’t have to use the son of mine, to keep me in line” from Marvin Gaye’s Here My Dear from 1979; the players who “only love you when they’re playin’” as Stevie Nicks sang on Fleetwood Macs Rumours (1977); or as Beyonce’s Lemonade (2017) charges, the husband that needs “to call Becky with the good hair.” At first though, Twigs is diplomatic, like in “Home with me,” where she lays the conflict on both sides here, expressing the rigours of fame, the miscommunication –accidental or intentional –that fracture relationships, and the violent, tenuous silence of a house where one of the members is in some another country doing god knows what, physically or mentally. “I didn’t know you were lonely, if you’d just told me I’d be home with you,” she sings in the chorus over a lonely piano, while the verse sections have the piano chords flanked by blocks of glitch, and littered with flitched-off synths. Then, the last chorus swirls the words again, along with the strings and horns and everything into a rising crescendo of regret.

Later in the album however, her anger once smoldering is set alight, in the dramatic highlight “Fallen Alien.” Twigs sings with an increasing tension, as her agile voice morphs from confused, pouting girlfriend to towering lady of the manor, launching imprecations towards a past lover and perhaps fame itself. “I was waiting for you, on the outside, don’t tell me what you want ‘cuz I know you lie,” she sings, and, after the tension ratchets up becomes “when the lights are on, I know you, see you’re grey from all the lies you tell,” and then later on we have her sneering out loud “now hold me close, so tender, when you fall asleep I’ll kick you down.” All while pondering pianos drop like rain from an awning, tick-tocking mini-snares and skittering noises flit across the beat like summer insects, the kicks of which are like an insistent, inquisitive knocking at the door, and then there’s that sample, filtered into an incandescent flame, crackling an I FEEL THE LIGHTNING BLAST! all over the song like the arc of a Tesla coil. The song is a shocking rebuke, and it becomes apparent upon replays that the songs are sequenced to lead up to and away from it, the gravitational weight giving a shape and pace to the whole album. Because of this, the other songs on Magdalene have more tempered, subtle electronic hues and tones, as if the seductive future soul of 2013s “Water Me” from EP2, and the inventive, booming experimentation of “Glass & Patron” from 2015s M3LL1SSX, were pursed back and restrained until it was needed most, and this results in an album more accomplished, nuanced and focused than her impressive but inconsistent debut LP1 (reviewed here).

This technique of electronic restraint has shown up in the most recent albums by experimental pioneers, with the sparse, mournful tension of Radiohead’s A Moon Shaped Pool (2017), it’s cold, analog synths and digital embellishments cresting on the periphery of the song, and with Wilco’s Ode to Joy from last year, an album bereft of their lauded static and electric scrawl, mostly embossed in acoustic solitude and brittle, wintery guitar licks. Twigs and her co-producers take the same knack for the most part throughout the album, like with closer “Cellophane,” where the dramatic voice and piano are in the forefront, while effects crunch lightly in the background like static electricity in a stretched sweater, and elsewhere, as the synths of “Daybed” slowly intensify into a sparkling soundscape, as if manufacturing an awakening sunrise through a bedroom window. And it is this seamless melding of organic and electronic instruments, to express these wretched and fleeting emotions of heartbreak that makes this the album of the year.

It makes sense that an artist like FKA Twigs would be drawn to a figure like Mary Magdalene. Of the many Marys in the New Testament, she stuck out as palpably different, or rather, she depicted a differing part of womanhood than the other two. She wasn’t the chaste, life-giving mother of Jesus, or the dutiful Mary of Clopas. Instead, Magdalene was this mixture of sexuality and spirituality, one of those figures that managed to know men and women in equal measure, wrapped up with the blood as well as the flesh. Twigs also played with this enrapturing sexuality in her work, writhing around in bed begging some papi to pacify her and fuck her while she stared at the sun, then making you identify with the lamentations of video girls, and then telling you in two weeks you won’t even recognize who you were seeing before. There was something mysterious and layered to her millennial art-chick sexpot act though, layers that have begun to be revealed with this album.

We realise now, that what she was depicting all along was more like the sexual heat that lays underneath devotion, as opposed to fleeting, mayfly lust, and that she now understands the weight and half-life of love. That is, that beyond the sex and patron and fame there is a near sacred love we build between each other for a while in time, lasting as long as both hands can bear to hold it, and also that the death of a relationship still has the memory of the love created warm within it that then radiates off slow into the air. A love that then falls into our minds for safekeeping dark and unobstructed now, the way Jesus’ blood fell from his wound into Joseph of Arimathea’s grail held aloft.

“I never met a hero like me in a sci-fi,” FKA Twigs sings, an evocative line less so for the hegemonic patriarchy of the worldwide movie and comic book industry suggested by ‘the sci-fi’ here, and more for the ‘hero like me’ part, which suggests she had to make her hero origin story all up, without the scaffolding of centuries of relatable mythologies, presenting us with an avatar of millennial love, in all of its tortured luster. And you hear this type of love in her voice, no longer changed up and ran through a filter for Future Soul sophistication most times, but out in the open now, to express particular emotions, whether it’s in that swooping, falling ‘I’ in the heart-break closer “Cellophane,” or her assured realisation, later on “Home With Me” where she says “But I’d save a life if I thought it belonged to you/ Mary Magdalene would never let her loved ones down.”

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It’s never about how to conquer with these women you see. In the end of all relationships it’s how they find their way out after us temporarily embarrassed conquerors are about to leave, jacket slung over shoulder, standing by the door. You squint your eyes back at her this time, and you listen this time, while she tells you, or tells the ground in front of you, what parts of love to let go of, and what parts are worth holding on to in this age of Satan, the parts that will help you become yourself. “I wonder if you think that I could never help you fly,” the song tells you then, one of those stinging admissions that only women come up with, and you wisely stay silent, and then the piano chords part, the synths subside. And for a while there as she looks at you, as the breathy sortilege in the song keeps going, it all sounds like something worth believing in again. And then, the words she says to you start to come across like laws.

#music #music review #rnb #rnb music #r&b #soul #future soul #future pop #alt soul #electronica #fka twigs #magdalene #mary magdalene #cellophane #Long Reads #sad day #hiro murai #new music

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 31/10/2020 (Ariana Grande, KSI, Little Mix)

I haven’t heard that Ariana Grande album yet as of writing this but the lead single – and title track – “positions” has just debuted at #1 on the UK Singles Chart, her seventh song to hit the top and second this year after “Rain on Me” with Lady Gaga. Hence, that’s today’s #1 and we have a busy and pretty chaotic week of new arrivals. Welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

A lot of their debuts from last week were completely wiped out on this week’s chart which surprises me, especially for songs I thought would hit it big like “One More Time” by Not3s and AJ Tracey. Our notable dropouts here range from bonafide smash hits like “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek, which hit #1, although I always preferred “Swoosh” from the same album, to pretty easy and quick fall outs from songs I’ve reviewed in the past few weeks. We’ve got songs that peaked in the top 10 like “Rover” by S1mba and DTG and “I Dunno” by Dutchavelli, Tion Wayne and Stormzy but otherwise that’s mostly it as a lot of these drop-outs are just songs that didn’t really reach their charting potential or have mostly had their day in streaming, like the surprisingly quick drop for “my ex’s best friend” by Machine Gun Kelly and blackbear, as well as “Destiny” by D-Block Europe, “Tap In” by Saweetie, “FRANCHISE” by Travis Scott, Young Thug and M.I.A., “OK Not to Be OK” by Marshmello and Demi Lovato, “Airplane Mode” by Nines and NSG and even “Outta Time” by Bryson Tiller and Drake. If you’re worried about the loss of MGK’s song being too soon for whatever reason, don’t fret as “forget me too” with Halsey, a much better song, is here at #72, our only returning entry for the week. I might as well run through the biggest gains and falls, those both being last week’s debuts. “Train Wreck” by James Arthur absolutely surged up to #24 whilst “Hold” by Chunkz and Young Filly absolutely purged down to #59. To be fair to the general public, I think I’d rather listen to something from four years ago than that song as well. Anyway, let’s start our new arrivals with a couple really interesting choices...

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Sofia” – Clairo

Produced by Rostam

Clairo is one of those artists where I feel completely out of the loop on, especially with all the recent buzz from TikTok, and I was not checking for that album last year, and whilst I didn’t mind her feature on Wallows’ “Are You Bored Yet”, I’d never been intrigued enough to check out the solo work until I guess here we see it on the chart, which is big for the genre of bedroom pop, which again I know next to nothing about. Now, I like lo-fi indie rock fine, but I’ve never really tried to look into the bedroom pop micro-genre – if anyone has any recommendations, that would be appreciated – so this will pretty much be a first gaze into not just Clairo but the entire scene surrounding her. I’m not a Vampire Weekend fan by any means but Rostam on production just give me hope, even if the mix here is a bit too drowned in reverb and echo to give the guitars any more impact when they really should have, at least I think so, they’re pushed back in a way that makes an already pretty calm, fleeting indie single even more lacking sonically. Clairo sounds great on this instrumentation, admittedly, albeit kind of uninterested, but it really is about that fuzzy distortion in the drop that feels... oddly anti-climactic and seemingly pointless considering how little progression is made before or after it. Maybe this genre just isn’t for me, but I feel myself turned off from how Clairo’s pretty beautiful vocal harmonies are not reflected by the production here, whether it be the stiff percussion, abrupt ending or overall lack of substance. This is kind of disappointing as I really wanted to like this. The song is a pretty vague but longing ballad mostly revolving around her crushes on people she saw in the mind, particularly Sofia Vergara and Sofia Coppola, hence the name, and I think it’s actually really well-written. I especially love how the chorus seems to acknowledge that not only are these crushes clearly out of her reach as a teenage girl just discovering her sexuality but also mentioning how afraid she is to really develop on any of these feelings because of how it’s prejudiced against and in some countries outlawed, but the song easily works as just a confession of love without really realising the statement, so it doesn’t feel forced or unnecessary. Sadly, I guess Rostam had to put his prints on this one, but the song itself isn’t bad at all. Hey, I’m not going to complain about a song where I can look at pictures of Sofia Coppola for “research”.

#74 – “All Girls are the Same” – Juice WRLD

Produced by Nick Mira

It’s so odd and kind of heartbreaking to see the Genius comments for this track where they say Juice is “up next for 2018”. It’s also pretty amusing to see some of these annotations...

God, I love Genius.com. This is a 2017 Juice WRLD track from the late rapper that was released as a single from his debut album, Goodbye & Good Riddance. I don’t really understand why this had a resurgence – again, I’m going to assume TikTok or some kind of remix – but it is funny to see a bitter, immature and sloppily-written song about heartbreak and how “all girls are the same” next to a lesbian love ballad on the chart... and above said ballad because we clearly live in a society. I’m not going to mince words here: this is a pretty bad song, at least in my opinion. All respect to Juice but he’s clearly not on top form here, with an uninterested and badly-mixed vocal delivery over a really dull, jingly trap beat with awful bass mastering. In fact, the whole song is mixed awfully and sounds really muddy which may have been the point but it doesn’t complement Juice at all. The lyrics here are purposefully immature and at times stupid, especially when he compares himself to John Lennon and is so desperate for a rhyme the dude says this unnamed girl is from Colorado. I’m not going to deny some of the lyrics here are kind of haunting now due to tragic circumstances but I still get a chuckle out of the vocoder on his voice after massive empty spaces in both the beat and vocal track that makes the song sound clearly amateurish (to be fair to Juice, he clearly didn’t have access to the best studio equipment but it doesn’t excuse the major-label streaming release sounding this sloppy), as well as that opening line.

Broke my heart, oh, no, you didn’t!

Yeah, I’ll take “Robbery” over this any day, or even “Righteous”. Sorry.

#73 – “Martin & Gina” – Polo G

Produced by Hagan, Lilkdubb and Tahj Money

It seems we have two melancholy trap-rappers from Chicago appear consecutively on the chart. I love those types of oddities. If you don’t know Polo G, you probably should, at least from his hit “Pop Out” with Lil Tjay last year, and this is his most recent hit. I typically find his brand of mournful Auto-Tuned crooning about life on the streets remarkably genuine in comparison to most rappers but also admittedly really boring, at least for now. I can see this guy becoming a lot bigger and better but as of now he releases so much music and the quality and effort seems to fall by the wayside more often than not. In typical 2000s bling-rap fashion, this hardcore street rapper’s biggest hit from the album The GOAT (perhaps a bit early to call there, Mr. G) is a guitar-based R&B love jam for the ladies, except it’s not a sex jam...

Girl, I can’t wait ‘til I get home to f*** the s*** out of you

Okay, well, that’s one line.

Man, I’m tryin’ to get to know you sexually

Okay, but at least he’s trying to get to know her. The song’s lyrics do have a genuine heartfelt sense of love and companionship with his unnamed woman, and some of these lyrics are pretty funny and pleasant, albeit shallow. I love how in the first verse he says that even on her worst days she still looks “kind of cute”, in a way that makes this song more down to Earth than other thugs-need-love-too songs, especially when he acknowledges the troubles in their relationship, which may be undermined by the unfortunate implications that come with that “Martin & Gina” comparison but that’s really not the focus of the song, even if it is the title. He may talk about the shopping sprees now but there is evidence here that Polo G genuinely wants to live his life with this woman, especially when he says he wants them to move out to California and live in a mansion. There’s flexing there for sure but it’s less out of a desire to sound “cooler” than the other rappers or the audience, and more out of a desire to make the most out of this relationship in case, as he knows he might have to, he should “pull the stick out and shoot” to protect her. It helps that this is a damn good song with Polo’s catchy flow in both the verses and that infectious chorus, as well as a really slick guitar lick behind that trap knock. Yeah, this is pretty great. Check it out.

#71 – “Spicy” – Ty Dolla $ign featuring Post Malone

Produced by Ty Dolla $ign, Westen Weiss and damn james!

It seems that Ty Dolla $ign has finally clocked that people like him for his features and not his solo work as he has released his most recent album fittingly named Featuring Ty Dolla $ign, following a trend of recent massive collaborative albums in pop music. This particular album features the likes of Kid Cudi, Kanye West (twice), Anderson .Paak, Nicki Minaj, Big Sean, Future, Young Thug, FKA twigs because, well, sure, and obviously, Post Malone. I haven’t listened to the album yet, I mean it sounds exhausting but I don’t necessarily like what I’ve heard. “Expensive” with Nicki Minaj is soulless, “Ego Death” with Skrillex, Kanye and FKA twigs is chaotically misguided and a massive disappointment, “Track 6” with Kanye, .Paak and Thundercat is way too boring for these four artists, and that’s all I’ve heard, except that “Dr. Sebi” interlude with Young Thug that I thought was actually pretty damn good for a one minute snippet. I did brief through some songs on the album right now as I was writing this and I wasn’t really a fan of any of it, not even the songs with Future and Young Thug, artists I actually really like. The song with Kid Cudi was pretty amazing though, which I pretty much expected, I mean it is Cudi after all and he’s really felt revived this year, even if he feels out of place on a sex song. The serpentwithfeet interlude definitely adds to that song though, and it actually leads into this track with Post Malone. This is their second collaboration after their #1 hit “Psycho”, but it’s a lot less interesting, replacing the serenity and smooth flows with more fast-paced trap skitters, hit-and-miss flows that only make Ty$ sound all that great in the tail-end of his verse. Post’s verse is out of place and feels like a regression for him, with the verse sounding like it was taken straight out of the Stoney sessions. The guys have no chemistry and Post doesn’t even contribute to a final chorus, which feels particularly odd as there’s not a bridge to round any of this out properly as it just transitions awkwardly to the sixth track, titled “Track 6”. At least Ty$ isn’t facing 15 years in jail for cocaine possession now, which is something I brought up a disproportionate amount of times in older episodes of this show, because, well, sure.

#69 – “Whoopty” – CJ

Produced by Pxcoyo

CJ is an “up-and-coming” rapper with only one song that pretty quickly went viral. There’s something fishy about this. The only other song by CJ on Spotify and I assume other streaming services is this CashmoneyAP-produced trap song called “On Me” that is completely garbage. It does sound pretty odd that while he doesn’t sound dissimilar in “Whoopty”, this uninterested Auto-Tuned mumbler took three years to get another song on streaming and now he’s an energetic New York rapper using a beat that was literally uploaded to the producer’s website as a “Pop Smoke type beat” weeks before “Whoopty” was released, which, by the way, was an immediate viral hit on YouTube. Very strange, very unusual but not very worth talking about as the one thing “On Me” and “Whoopty” have in common is lack of quality. Sure, I like the Indian sample but it’s quickly drowned out by the booming 808s and pretty rote drill beat. Somehow, CJ sounds too energetic and excited to the point where he’s out of place on a beat this menacing. He sounds like a joke made by a record label to create some kind of popular generic drill track and it does not help that there’s a single verse, with part of it repeated as a bridge, and two repetitions of the same over-long chorus. When Pop Smoke rapped over beats, he was aggressive, sure, but had a smoky voice and a lot more charisma than this flat tonal sandpaper CJ brings to the table. It’s almost offensive to Pop Smoke’s legacy that this was rapped over his “type beat”.

#57 – “SO DONE” – The Kid LAROI

Produced by Omar Fedi and Khaled Rohaim

I figured I’d have to talk about this guy at some point, well, what better time than in the midst of a lot of mediocre American hip hop, although this isn’t American, rather it’s actually an Aussie at it this time, with this 17-year-old kid propped up by Internet Money and Lyrical Lemonade and mentored by the late Juice WRLD. This kid really likes capital letters, and naturally I listened to his last hit “GO!” with his mentor Juice... and, yeah, it’s not good. That hook is stupidly infectious – and the pre-chorus is actually more so – but his delivery is obnoxious and unconvincing, especially in comparison to Juice on the same song. Man, I wish that entire song was as good as its pre-chorus. Anyway, this is a new song, not taken from his debut mixtape aptly and rather politely titled F*** LOVE. It uses an unorthodox ukulele loop as its main sample but once again I’m not a fan of this guy’s immature delivery. Maybe in a few years this Kid LAROI will sound less like a Kid LAROI and more like a genuine rapper but right now he is just barely keeping on beat with a jangly pop beat that would sound really interested if accentuated by the right rapper but here it doesn’t work at all. I do actually appreciate some of the lyrics here, even if they are repetitive and vague. Hey, at least they’re family-friendly PG clean for the most part so he’ll get that radio push, but it’s not like it’s matters here in the UK. I’m sure this lad is the hottest thing to come from Australia this year... okay, well, maybe the second hottest – but I’m not a fan, even if some of these melodies are promising. In fact, I really like some of his ideas, especially in the chorus, I just think that tragically, Juice could have done them more justice than this Kid LAROI ever could. Sorry.

#47 – “Bad Guy” – Morrisson and Loski

Produced by BKay and Harry James

Duh. Okay, so these are both UK drill rappers who I’m not very familiar with although I’ve heard of Loski before. Morrisson is a complete unknown to me. They’re both from London, as one would expect. Is the song any good? Well, I do like that chopped violin sample but Morrisson is only vaguely convincing when he claims to know Vinnie Jones and to be Stone Cold Steve Austin, and when he mentions getting “white-boy wasted” with a woman sniffing coke, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but that’s actually the point. I mean, the chorus says this:

You need people like me so you can point your f***ing fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy”

The issue here is I’m not convinced. Morrisson’s double-tracked vocals aren’t intimidating or menacing and are mostly overshadowed by a pretty great beat. His delivery is also something I’m not a fan of and while I can’t say he’s uninterested or not putting his all into it, it just sounds weak, especially when pitted against this beat. Loski is here too, but he doesn’t add much to the “bad guy” idea, especially when he starts talking about The Simpsons and Family Guy. Not Mr. Burns or even that angry chicken that fights Peter, just Stewie, Brian, Bart and Homer. Admittedly, “shell out the whip like Mario Kart” is a pretty fun line and I appreciate his flow more than Morrisson’s... but, yeah, I’m not really a fan. I like the concept but it misses the mark on execution.

#44 – “Golden” – Harry Styles

Produced by Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson

So this is the opening track to Styles’ sophomore effort, Fine Line, an album I thought was mildly entertaining pop rock at best and lazy, absolutely worthless trite at worst. I don’t mind Styles’ take on classic 70’s pop and glam rock but I’ve also never found it interesting, and the songs are at times disjointed and at most times just plain boring. I understand I’m probably alone in this but I really disliked this album and I’m not excited that he’s pushing yet another single. The beeping keys that start the song are immediately met with the crash of a drum beat that sounds as flat as Harry’s singing in that obnoxious, sloppy intro refrain. The verse is equally as awkward, with the song lacking in any kind of substance other than that one line of “You’re so golden” which has been overly annotated by fans on Genius to mean a lot more than it does and should. It’s a confession of love but unlike “Sofia”, there’s very little to grab onto in terms of compassion for the singer and I quickly lose interest in what little story there is to the track. The bridge with the high-pitched guitar squealing and squeaky pitch-shifted murmuring is over and done with as slowly as possible and that refrain of nonsense vocalisations just continues without fear or even self-awareness of how annoying it is. This is probably ultimately harmless but it annoys the hell out of me and whilst I predict success for the track, I really hope against it as I absolutely do not like this at all.

#39 – “Teadrops” – Bring Me the Horizon

Produced by Jordan Fish and Oliver Sykes

Yes, that Bring Me that Horizon. Yes, the metalcore band. At least they used to be metalcore and definitely on that heavier side of Kerrang!-core, but what I’m more amazed by is how they continue to ditch the sound and continue to get bigger as they do so. After 14 years, you’d think these guys would stop getting Top 40 hits – hell, the only other hit they had before 2020 was “Drown” – but this is their third this year! I’ll admit I’m not really up to speed on Bring Me the Horizon – I listened to their last record (which was just fine but honestly probably worth listening to for “wonderful life” alone) but not this EP that the singles have been from, and definitely not their older stuff. For the sake of REVIEWING THE CHARTS, however, I did listen to their earlier singles – you can’t say I don’t do much for this show – and I’m overall not really sure on how to feel about this stuff. I still like “Drown” – and always have – but I’ve never been too big on metalcore so I’m actually surprised how much I really enjoyed the Linkin Park rip on “Sleepwalking” (which I’m impressed I remembered the chorus for). I remember liking the practically nightcore track “ouch” and, yeah, it still slaps. Some tracks are very heavy on the electronic, and “Can You Feel My Heart” is reliant on that vocaloid drop, about two years before that became the norm in pop. Just from a skim of their biggest singles, I’m honestly kind of a fan, especially “Throne”, even if I feel like the EDM influences just kind of go nowhere. Also, none of this screams “metalcore” to me but I don’t know, these guys seem to change their style a lot with the only thing staying consistent being Oliver Sykes, and his tone that shifts between nasal pop-punk-style crooning and chopped-up Auto-Tune growling. I talked to a friend about them and they like their earlier stuff mostly, although he “wouldn’t recommend” their debut album to anybody at all. Another friend said he refuses to listen to their music based on the pretentious title of their third record and honestly I think that’s a pretty fair decision. This song sounds like pretty standard BMTH, or at least from what I can gather from the singles and the formula they follow. It starts with a funky and cute, chirpy electronic groove before it’s drowned out by heavier drums and heavy metal guitar riffs, but this time said electronic groove is less integral to the instrumental and the shift to a funkier bassline in the verse might honestly be for the best, although I do love the way the instrumental is chopped up a bit at the end of each repetition of the chorus. It makes the song sound a lot more unique and even if it sounds just as 2012 as their 2012 stuff, I honestly think that’s fine, especially with that abrupt sharp contrast of his raspy yelling over breakbeats quickly followed by some crooning with light piano backing, which may make the song feel messy or structurally disjointed but honestly it works for the chaotic tone of the track and the angst that is presented in the lyrics. Also, although I haven’t evaluated this band since I watched a couple videos on Kerrang!, this feels oddly nostalgic. Huh. Some additional musings: That falsetto Sykes hits in the chorus is great. My friend said that he couldn’t finish the last album they put out which isn’t a good sign but to be fair to them it was an hour-long IDM record, because, well, sure. I’ve written way too much about Bring Me the bloody Horizon at this point so I’ll just move on but I’ll make sure to check out some of their stuff after this.

#37 – “Loading” – Central Cee

Produced by HARGO

Now back to normality, at least I think so. This is another UK drill artist I’ve never heard of. I like this beat, especially that sample of the horns that I’m surprised wasn’t found by crate-digging but it works pretty well under the drill beat; it sounds like a menacing “gangster” song, especially because of how that sample reminds me of 1930s Chicago. I’m not good on my American (or gang) history so that might be nonsense but you know what I mean, right? Black-and-white footage of men in suits gambling whilst women surround them and they all got their money from drug trafficking and they send out hits. Something like that, I don’t know. The song is kind of boring though, this Cee guy has zero charisma and the references to COVID make this immediately dated (not that this song is lyrically all that interesting anyway), and by two minutes the beat has run its course and just starts getting annoying. Yeah, not much to say about this one at all, but it could have been better.

#8 – “Sweet Melody” – Little Mix

Produced by Peoples, MNEK, Morten “Rissi” Ristorp, Oliver Frid and Tayla Parx

I wonder if now that I listened to Bring Me the Horizon for half an hour straight that the last four songs all sound worse, or at least less interesting, in comparison. Well, I doubt that really, I think these songs will just end up being less interesting. I mean, five separate producers on a simple three-minute pop track? This’ll be as market-tested and manufactured as possible, as one would expect from Little Mix. I didn’t mind their last couple promo singles but this song seems to have some actual traction and even a high-budget video behind it and hence it debuted as high as #8. Well, is it any good? Well, it’s no 2013 Bring Me the Horizon, that’s for sure. Jokes aside, the nonsense vocal refrain is kind of awkward and the R&B production here is kind of minimal and just... off, particularly in the first verse and refrain, where the singing and hard 808 is met with only accompaniment from one stray snare that is just... there? The drop doesn’t feel like it has a proper build-up either, and doesn’t even feel like it lives up to that non-existent tension. I do love the harmonies towards the end of the track and the “he would lie, he would cheat over syncopated beats” line is kind of a bar, I suppose, but yeah, this production is awkward and I’m not sure if it really does the girls’ talent justice. I would have preferred something more dramatic and with more of a climax than the skittering hi-hats and vaguely dancehall-inspired bass grooves, but alas, here we are with a pretty mediocre, uninteresting track, which wasn’t exactly unexpected.

#3 – “Really Love” – KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals

Produced by Digital Farm Animals and Mojam

Ah, the trio we all didn’t know we wanted but definitely deserved(?): YouTuber KSI, legendary R&B singer Craig David and a couple virtual elephants. KSI is more than a YouTuber or prankster now to be fair to the guy, with songs like “Lighter” he has cemented himself as a genuine pop star and not in the way that songs used to get viral or even back in 2017 with Jake Paul. KSI is taking this stuff seriously and having fun with it, and, hey, he beat up Logan Paul once or twice so I guess I respect the man to some extent. I’m honestly surprised he got Craig David to be on the song with him. I mean KSI may be popular but I never put much thought into his music or even think it’s any good although the song has clearly debuted this high for a reason. Craig David has a janky hook that just plopped onto the track for a chorus and bridge, with pretty generic lyrics about love, which KSI develops on in some oddly specific ways. He’ll buy this woman Amazon Prime – I hope you enjoy the Borat sequel, guys – and she’ll “wreck his balls like Miley”. Classy. Honestly, the song is mostly fine – KSI’s flow is kind of awkward and stiff still but it’s a lot smoother than it usually is and he does deliver a pretty convincing performance here, as does Craig David, who sounds as great as he did 20 years ago over this groovy house instrumental, with a great bassline that really does fit Craig David more than it does KSI. The trap breakdown is pretty well done as well, which surprised me as I assumed the song would lose all momentum afterwards but, no, it keeps on chugging. This is listenable and far from bad but it’s mostly just a serviceable pop tune. I have no issue with this sticking around as it probably will. Now for the big one:

#1 – “positions” – Ariana Grande

Produced by TBHits, Mr. Frank and London on da Track

Man, I’ve just reviewed 12 songs, I do not feel like talking about the biggest and most important one now. Well, maybe it’s not that and instead the fact that I have this conflict with Grande’s music where someone so unbelievably and obviously talented sounds so incredibly disinterested in the songwriting and production, to the point where her performance is irrelevant. Sure, sweetener and thank u, next had their highs but the former is a complete mess and the latter feels so dull and oddly characterless. Again, these albums aren’t all bad but I feel like they’re still so rushed and infuriatingly so, with Grande having very little involvement, or at least it sounds like that in these albums. Regardless of how much she contributes to each record, it always comes out the other end sounding impersonal, so I’m actually glad she dropped the pretence and is now just doing purely sexy R&B stuff. I haven’t listened to the full album yet but with song titles like “34+35”, I can kind of expect what I’m going into here. That said, I’m not really a big fan of the title track and lead single here, although I can understand why it debuted at #1. Firstly, the video where she becomes the President of the United States for practically no reason is great. Secondly, the beat is pretty good and produced by London on da Track, who I’m kind of disappointed didn’t put his producer tag here. It would have at least been kind of funny hearing it transition into Grande’s sweet whispery vocal tone. I like the slick trap percussion, cricket sound effects and that chirpy guitar pluck, and especially those strings in the second pre-chorus which sound genuinely awesome. Ariana’s a great performer but the chorus is kind of weak, especially lyrically – I don’t mind the opening and main line about switching positions, hell, it’s kind of clever, but “I’m in the Olympics the way I’m jumping through hoops”? Really? The bridge is also pretty short and lazy; I feel like it could have actually been done away with or put as an intro and would have worked just as well replacing the second chorus with that final chorus, background whistle notes and all. That said, the song is a solid lead single and I am kind of excited to hear the rest of the album, even if this is at least somewhat of a retread.

Conclusion

What a mixed bag. I’m generally pleased with what we have here though and I am going to give Best of the Week to “Teadrops” by Bring Me the Horizon with an Honourable Mention to Polo G for “Martin & Gina”, although Clairo would have gotten close without Rostam on the boards. There’s nothing all that bad here except “Golden” by Harry Styles which does get an easy Worst of the Week, with a Dishonourable Mention to CJ’s “Whoopty” for just being lazy. Here’s this week’s “spooky” top 10 – it is Halloween after all:

You can follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for political ramblings if you so wish but I wouldn’t recommend it, especially if you like Keir Starmer, but all politics aside, thank you for reading this far and I’ll see you next week.

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