#- and try my best to engage bc i dont want them to feel bad just because it's not my taste!!!!

[fabulouslygaybean]

i always find it so funny that so many of y'all are all for the death of cringe culture until someone does something you personally find to be a little TOO weird and then bully them till they shut up. like you can't have it both ways. you can't scream out "cringe culture is dead!!" and then hurt people for harmless interests :/

[sunfortune]

hiiii i recently watched kanthony (the so called bridgerton show or whatever) and was wondering if u have any fic recs... 👉👈🤭

okay i litchrally have never compiled a list bc i have read too many to keep them organized. but ill do it. Finally. for YOU.

first. my fav period setting fics <33:

tete a tete by caciopepebowl (14k~) this is REQUIRED reading to ME. its a quick read that explores kate and anthonys roles in their family. with an emphasis on KATE specifically bc of the additional hurdles of being a woman with limited funds. and anthony losing his mind on her behalf while shes breaking his heart by being like "the way i was treated was normal?? you dont know anything" and hes like "what? kate you deserved everything. you deserve ALL the love in the world!!" and shes all ">:( well if i do. you do too." . and hes like "oh. well...no. you see.. bc i suck" and shes like -_-. its really sweeeeeet and lovely <3) and really finally gave me the exploring of kates family issues that THE SHOW DID NOT!!!

the longest betrothal by caciopepebowl. (90k~) my FAVVVVV regency setting fic. its sooo good. its basically a continuation that fills in the gap AFTER they get engaged but BEFORE theyre married. and them trying SO hard to be normal about how in love they are lol. SO funny and sweet. and with IMMACULATE characterization

in vino veritas by wagamiller. (~10k) a one shot about kate going to a ladies society event and coming home drunk to anthony and him being soooo smitten with her. sauuuur cute. ive read this like 4 times <3 its soooo good

for reasons wretched and divine by penny_loaf. (~18k. locked fic. need an account.) basically kate and anthony get stuck in a time loop on that first day edwina is receiving suiters. they both think theyre alone in the loop and its depressing until they realize the other is stuck with them too. they try to break the loop and fail repeatedly. after a while they just give up and start fucking bc theres no consequences so who cares LOL. surprisingly tender and sweet

the harsh light of day by burnerraccount. (~22k. locked) explicit one shot. kate has the idea that they should fuck before they get married so theres less pressure on the wedding night. she decides all this without mentioning it to anthony (LOL). so she shows up at his house the night before their wedding. and his footman is like "theres a woman outside to see you" and he in all his goofy almost-married bliss is like "i dont want to see Any woman but my gorgeous, beautiful, amazing WIFE" and his footman is like "well. you see.. it is your wife. uh fiance" and anthonys like "[voice crack] huh ?". very FUNNY

green in its many hues by burnerraccount. kate and anthony decide they are going to be chaste and proper leading up to their wedding. they suck at it SO bad lol

next. modern AUS my best friends <33:

la semi dolce vita by caciopepebowl (~170k) my FAVVVV modern au of ALL time. kate is a private chef. anthonys family hires her when they go on vacation. hes being so normal about it. i promise. this is one of the best characterizations of kate AND anthony in a modern setting. with an extra emphasis on focusing on kate issues. and not JUST anthonys. which is what makes the dynamic sooo good. 10/10. hot. and i love LOVE <3

close encounters of the acutest kind by caciopepebowl (WIP ~74k. only incomplete fic ill put on this list i PROMMY. bc its by the prev author. and i Looove their writing and its sooo good so far <3) kate and anthony meet for the first time the DAY her dad died which is also the SAME DAY hyacinth is born. theyre both having a panic attack and end up running into the same empty hospital room to have it. are then intrinsically linked forever. as one is. run into each other multiple times over the years. with different feelings each time. and they are so normal (lying) <3. i love them

chosen & cherished by trash4ficsaboutlurv. (~42k) this is so underrated. kate runs a charity organization. anthony is CEO of whatever the fuck. she goes to his company when theyre holding some audition for what charity theyre going to invest in and kate is the last speaker and when its finally her turn he barely even pays attention. and shes exhausted and overworked and just oveeeer it All. so she ends the meeting and tells him to go fuck himself. LOL. genuinely really good. and hot <3

sidelines by ramarro. (~60k) this was THE quintessential kanthony modern AU in 2022. kates an artist who sees a picture of anthony on tinder and thinks he looks obnoxious (lol) but screenshots the photo so she can use his arms/hands for sketching practice. and then she see him and his grown ass on a date with her BABY sister. and shes like well i was right about him. and lets him know to his face how she feels (LOL). its wild. it slays. read it. theres an explicit follow up to it which also slays

three cities and we never lived here by ramarro. (~25k, ~40k) very different modern au where kate and anthony meet on vacation and are very casual with them both not looking for anything (genuinely for once lol) and then seeing each other multiple times over 2-3 years in different cities and still keeping it casual. but slowly slowly slowlyyyy it doesnt feel as casual as it used to. theres 2 fics in this. the first is kates pov. the second is anthony. both very good.

just go with it by suitsusboth. (~18k) kate when booking a flight sees the potential titles like ms, mrs, dr, and "viscountess" listed as a legit option and has a laugh like whos picking this goofy shit and accidentally clicks it. and then on her flight gets upgraded to first class next to anthony bc they assumed she was his wife. and he tries to be mad about it. but well. hes stupid for her in every universe so lol. funny and sweet

the air i breathe and the bane of my existance by the_loosest_moose. (image fic) these are textfics told through instagram, twitter, article and text message screenshots. with some regular text. would just check them out to gauge how you feel about the storytelling method. very fun reads once you get the hang of it

heirlooms by waterlilyrose. (~12k) modern au where kate gets anthonys ring stuck on her finger for days and has to wait to get it off. he is of course very normal about it

a devils love by irony_rocks. (~57k) this may not be for everyone but kanthony season came out around the same time as The Batman (2022) and as someone who was crazy insane about both. this was the MOMENT for me in spring 2022. its a crime mafia type au where kates character is inspired by selina kyle and the pebble lounge she worked at in the batman movie. and well. if youre about that specific combo check it out. its not a batman au

break point (series) by penny_loaf. (multiple. ~25k) this a tennis au which you wouldnt think would be that deep but it is and its sooooo good. it really delves into the pressure of the world its set in on top of the issues kate and anthony ALREADY have. and as an ANGST and crazy, complicated characters STAN...very GORGEOUS to ME <3 and hot

take me home by kendal_lynne. (~12k) romcom type explicit one shot where kate makes the mistake of telling anthony her ex couldnt make her come. and hes all like i can do it volunteer as tribute PLEASE PKLEASE PLEASE PICK ME CHOOSE ME PLWASEE etc

we never made a sound by writergirl8. (~4k) spy au that was soooooo good and sexy. i wish it was longer

with elaichi by serendipityinwords (~6k) the two biggest bitches at a dinner party find out they're soulmates. LOL. hilarious dialogue

theres probably more i loved that im not remembering rn and maybe ill update this but for now have fun! yippee <3

[blackpilljesus]

I've not dated or had close relations with moids in years. I've been on the path to spending the rest of my days as a single childfree woman & committing to it as an osawoman. During this time here's what I've learnt, shorter version here:

This lifestyle is a privilege - being able to exist without having to directly depend on a moid romantically/sexually is a luxury. Know the privilege you have and how you can take full advantage of it and keep yourself set. We arent living this way solely bc we're smarter, we were just momentarily luckier. Most women are a political/natural disaster away from losing everything. Bear this in mind; along the way think of "what if" to best start preparing yourself.

Dont bother justifying your ways to people - Most wont and dont want to get it. Save your breath. By getting into back and forth arguments over not marrying moids & not having children you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by giving them more fodder to counter. They wont change their minds. End the conversation short & move on.

You cant save everybody - Ditch the saviour complex. We all get dealt bad hands in life; some worse than others. Other peoples lives arent your responsibility, there's only so much you can do because you've got your own issues too. Besides some are too far gone, you'll only end up drowning or being burned trying to save others especially if they dont want saving.

Recruitment is a waste of time - I often see extensive discourse around this topic w/ some women trying so hard to recruit others into this lifestyle or being separatists, wgtow, etc. All this does is waste time that can be spent on building instead. If some women dont get it oh well it's not the end of the world (although every woman does get it, they're just doing what they can t survive) it doesn't matter long term TO YOU because if you're serious you dont need other womens understanding/stamp of approval to build a network/resources for women; you can get started without them; heck some may join once they see the value like how so many women broke up with their partners after watching the barbie movie. Some women are more focused on recruitment than living the single childfree life they claim to be about and it consumes them - dont let recruitment consume you. Besides other women willingly engaging with moids buys you some time; those who know - know.

Most activism is a waste of time. Things only change when it benefits those in power but they will never relinquish their power entirely. It's great to put knowledge out there for others to learn but getting into discourse having to justify yourself & being swallowed by your activism will do more harm than good. Most activism is a stepping stone at most for the next chapter of your life. Learn to game the system instead of changing the system.

Focus on yourself. Everything as we know it is rooted in the system that has been perfected over the millenias. The problems of misogyny, racism, ableism, etc have existed before we were born and will exist after we die (part of why im not birthing into this mess). Trying to change it is a losing battle. This doesnt mean dont advocate or care about anything but look out for yourself first & be comfortable learning to existing between the cracks. It'll be quite the exercise tho as we've been socialised to prioritise others.

This is not a lifestyle one simply chooses it's something that chooses you. This isn't for everyone, those who know; know. If you require a lot of convincing or handholding then it isn't for you.

It gets lonely. Not because of not having a moidfriend; even when partnered with them many women still feel lonely. It's because most women are moid centric / obsessed and would want to be partnered with an xy someday or already are. Very few women truly commit to or understand this lifestyle irl tbh. Even my moots who are separatists or just single & childfree are halfway across the world. However that said, many women in the community can also be toxic; holding each other to high standards and there being constant bickering. You can befriend moid partnered women but be careful with them. We're surrounded by the system, existing out of core elements of it will come with a degree of isolation but on the bright side there's also peace if it all goes well.

Less is more. The less you say to others the less ammunition they have to hit you with. Bragging about this lifestyle to our predators will only make things harder because they've already got a huge upperhand. Too many of us moving in one go will bring unprecedented waves we're not ready to deal with. See 2, 3, and 4.

Ignorance is not bliss. Completely cutting off from xys including knowledge of their evil will make you unprepared should a threat strike. Not understanding moids nature is how some women think things are as easy as getting up and walking away without considering security & other factors then get suprised when moids strike. I'm not saying drown in true crime & xy evil but dont stray too far you lose touch of reality. Side note this is why women are gaslit about moids nature so that they dont have the chance to effectively prepare. Stay informed. I constantly learn from the women around me. Pay attention to xy motives & tactics. The power they hold, possible moves they may play etc. You wont be able to know/guess everything but stay in the loop nonetheless.

You will make mistakes be prepared to learn

It gets easier to control your attraction to moids overtime (if you're osa) as your focus is elsewhere as you realise there is a more fulfilling world out there beyond marriage & kids. Also life is just so much better. I know most women want the fairytale prince charming or an angel nigel but it's just not happening. Especially in a world like this. The freedom to be able to exist as a person & not a slave/punching bag for a rape ape is BLISS. You get so comfortable with it you wont wanna be with moids anyway especially when you see what other women go through. (Side note this is why women are pushed to being with moids as early as possible so this level of enlightenment is never reached & instead all women know + become accustomed to is suffering at the hands of moids).

As time passes and you mature into this lifestyle you can tell who's new and who's got skin in the game. I wont elaborate here as it'll digress and this note is long as is but those who know; know.

There's so much work to be done it'll last a lifetime. This lifestyle ain't easy. It strays from the norm so the typical guardrails that come with traditional options are out of the picture. The good news is that you can spend time crafting your own blueprint to follow or share with others who are willing. There's such little in terms of infrastructure & resources for single childfree women and yeah xys will likely try to destroy these things but at the same time if it can be done go for it and bear xy threat in mind we gotta start somewhere.

A purpose/guide is important. It's something that's going to guide your life through the ups and downs because it wont be a smooth ride but it'll be something that can make you in situations that break you. This isn't a "fuck you" to moids directly, it's about ourselves. Seeing this lifestyle as some type of "gotcha" against moids will only make things harder and lowkey misses the point of decentering them. I have my reasons for never getting married or having children that are solid (if you need inspiration checkout r/breakingmom on reddit). True comes from seeing something as bigger than yourself; find a purpose in this line of life to keep you going.

Invest in yourself. Personally, financially, etc. Pretty obvious but especially now that you're going to be more alone you need to be able to count on yourself more. With enough investment it can help other women too.

Invest in female network. No gyn is an island. Even though I'm not much of a social person the friends I have make my life better; they've been supportive but also honest. Also support female centric spaces online & offline; they're all that we have lest we be banished to the silo prison of the "nuclear family" or exploitative misogynistic communities.

Get comfortable disassociating/cutting people off. If you want to survive some things/people will simply just have to go.

You arent owed anything from other women, but you dont owe them anything either. The operating word here is owed, I aint saying women shouldn't help each other - I'm saying dont feel entitled. The feminist "girls support girls" schtick is bullshit. We're in a cold world full of ruthless oppression where everyone is just trying to survive however they can; in many cases it helps women survive when they turn on other women instead of on moids. Solidarity works because those who have solidarity politically speaking are people with power, it works in their interest to stand & work together as to keep + maintain their privileges in society so there wont be much female solidarity as in many cases it's not worth it to women long run. It aint right but that's how they perceive it so watch your back.

Everything is political. Always remember this. Many (privileged) people try to downplay politics & its effect but it runs our world which is why they want you blind to it. Pay attention.

There's merit to being around like-minded women even if it's just online. Like I said before it gets lonely. Very few women are willing to face & accept the truth about maIes. Being around like-minded women can be depressing sometimes as they drop blackpills bitter than you can initially handle but at least you dont feel so isolated/crazy.

[ladymirdan]

There’s a dumbass 4chan thing being shared in groups I’m in where Amazon is supposedly forcing GW to make female custodes bc they want them in the show and HC might walk and ruin GW’s stock and other stupid shit. I know it’s dumb but it’s triggering my anxiety really badly and I can’t get the thought out of my head, especially because these groups are normally a space I feel safe in but there’s been one or two idiots ever since the announcement that has been toxic and it’s hard to enjoy 40k now

I understand, and I'm sorry. I wish these people could be reasoned with, but they cant, because they dont really care about Warhammer, they care about “the issue”. Pointing out things like “the authors of Black Library has fought for this for years” is like water on a duck.

The thing I usually do when I come across those people is try to not engage (difficult, I know, and I fail a lot of times), log off social media for a moment, and go to my local Warhammer store (the offical ones are the best at this).

Seeing the energy from people actually playing the game is so diffrent and sobering. I made a roadtrip across yourube last summer and made a point to visit every GW store along the way, and every single one had happy, excited staff and customers. And it always fills me with that hope and joy again.

I dont do Reddit that much, because its home to some chronically online people that just manages to bait me every time. I like Tumblr the most because its is 99% people to share their hobby experiences (and two angry guys screaming into a bucket).

That being said, the show might be cancelled, it might suck, but Warhammer will survive. It's not like it hasn't had shitty shows before. My favourite one is that Ultramarine movie, which is so bad that it becomes good again.

But you are also right, I have been giving these idiots too much of a platform they dont usually have. And I will be returning to my regular content again, which is geeking out about Ultramarines, Iron Warriors, Emperors Children, Nightlords, or some other flavour of the week (right now Aeldari,)I have been putting off building for a while since my hobby space is a bit messy, but I will clean it up and post more lovely pictures of mini butts.

This will blow over, it always does.

[angellurgy2]

i thinkci just ruin everything in my life. i walk around trying my fucking hardest to be the best girl i can be, to communicate my issues, to tell when I feel bad abt them, to try n figure out how to move past them. i try to engage w people on things they like i try to pretend i like things i try to pretend im a person who is able to interact w 'interests' i try to pretend i can take all the fucking abuse and exclusion and forgetfulness on a daily basis but no matter what i do i just ruin everything somehow. ive stopped speaking out loud to anyone at all irl bc i know everythinf that co w out of my mouth will be hated on or taken with the worst assumption possible instead of assuming the best in me which no one has ever done. even my irl gfs never think of me. never even consider what id like. i get to just rot while they run away without ever msging me to go fuck a girl who hate s me. i want a fucjing break from the pain which is why i tried to kms but its not always gonna fuckinf work so im just stuck here n i cant reaaally come online for refuge anymore bc all im reminded of is how much people have fucjing abandoned me and how u all reblog all of their shit so theyre plastered on my dash and i just wanna fucking escape this endless pain that I can never avoid feeling. i want real fucking friends but im just not allowed to have them i guess. at times ive thought 'im glad i didnt die b4 so i could meet my first irl gfs at least' but now i dont. now i just wish that the pain would(ve) stop at all. and sure some of the problem is just that ppl r fucking assholes who refuse to acrually care about their sisters and are lying to everyones faces abt their morality but clearly im a walking fckn problem too. no matter what everytime im around smth gets ruined. what am i even supposed to fucking do when theres no point in trying anything anymore

[azsazz]

honestly feel really bad for azriel in mm. i would have actually left when i saw my friends brought someone they know i dont like without telling me, that's a pretty shitty thing to do and one of my biggest boundaries and then them making plans without even telling him is bad too like i get what rhys said that they were being assholes at first because they were but pushing two people that don't want to be together is still a shitty way to go about it. like even with reader she likes cass but not rhys and is being almost forced to hang out with him because of the thing with feyre which looks like fey didnt even really explain to her and idk seeing your friends put romantic relationships in front of you sucks.

obviously the point of the story is that they end up together so they'll have to solve it i guess but yeah everyone is acting badly to azriel and reader, especially to az bc that last scene of him staying back at home and the implication being that he can solve it by going with his friends to hang out with someone who makes him uncomfortable and they know it is so sad. he was excited to work on rhys' tattoo and instead just got left behind, maybe im seeing too much of myself in mm az but it made me kinda mad at rhys and cass

hi hi-

i actually love you bringing this up because there's some great points here and i'm honored that this story can evoke such conversation

so, i totally get what you're saying here and that is so valid. it actually reminds me of something that happened over my weekend which was a similar situation. i was going out and i knew there was going to be someone i didn't like there but i went anyway because you know i need to go out and live my life and not let anyone stop me. and i'd been invited by a friend so i said yes. it's a little different because obviously reader/az didn't know that the other would be there, so i totally see your perspective on it!

i think maybe also azriel just could've assumed that he'd be hanging out with rhys and cass on the weekends so he wouldn't ask if they had already made plans, and i could see cass and rhys not bringing up their planned engagements because they know azriel is kind of a lone wolf and sometimes goes off by himself and they know he doesn't care for reader so they just didn't say anything.

fey def trying to keep whatever is happening with her and rhys a secret 👀 which is def shitty to do to her roommate/best friend but again, fey could be feeling awk by bringing it up to reader again because she knows how much she doesn't like these guys. except cass

in the end, i think the same can be said where az might've just figured they'd all be chilling or what not so he was working on rhys' tattoo. i don't think their plans are solidified it's kind of like oh yeah we always chill so it goes unmentioned, which is also shitty, you're right, because cass and rhys would feel the same way and they really should've told az that they had plans.

you have absolutely every right to feel the way that you're feeling and thank you for bringing up these points and letting me know how you feel! I appreciate it 💙

[yooniesim]

any suggestions for becoming a sims based blog? I used to do it back in the hayday of sims 3 but it's been YEARS and I still absolutely love making sims, but I'm too shy and nervous to interact with the community ;;;

hi nonny! this is a complicated question that I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask lol but let me try it out. I think I'm gonna separate it into two parts for ease of reading. And sorry if it's a bit more cynical than you probably expected. I've just learned a lot i wish I had done from the start, lol. So here we go.

Sims content

Post whatever tf you feel like. If you love making sims, post the hell outta them and don't worry about what anyone thinks. There's no one perfect type of content to appeal to everyone; the community is made up of a million smaller niche ones. Editors, sim makers, gameplayers, storytellers, cc makers, etc. If you're passionate about it, you'll find people that love your posts. So don't worry too much.

Don't get too hung up on editing, if you want your pics to look "better" then use gshade/reshade and/or simple psd actions to your liking. Don't let it get stressful cos it ain't worth it. If you don't enjoy editing, don't do it at all. (I wrote more about how I edit & make it easier in this post)

Try your very best not to worry about notes. I know it's hard. Everyone wants their stuff to be seen, but when it comes to engagement on here, you're aiming for quality over quantity. A few awesome mutuals commenting on your stuff is way better than 600 silent likes. Also, having more attention sucks bc it brings the vile swamp rats out of their holes to see what shit they can stir up. The brief serotonins aint worth it. Just aim to find a few cool ppl to talk about your sims with cos thats all that matters.

If you want, find bachelor/ette or similar challenges ppl are doing and submit sims for them. And once you get some mutuals/followers, open sim requests so you can make sims for people. It's super fun and awesome to see your sims in other people's games! And you don't have to talk too much if you don't feel like it, but it's an easy way to get involved with others.

Social stuff & safety

Comment on peoples posts often if you like them. Engage with ppl. Reblog posts you see you like but don't really have any reblogs. I know you said you're shy but, this is most of the way to actual have mutuals that enjoy talking to you and comment on your stuff as well. You can just not talk if you want but it'll make it harder to have any engagement unless you're really good at edits or cc making.

Don't get involved with drama/discourse, it means nothing and amounts to nothing. If you're going to boost someone else's post, look into it first and look for evidence that it's even true before you reblog. If people hate on you in your inbox, block the anon and don't respond even to laugh at them. Block anyone that gives you bad vibes. They look at you funny, breathe wrong, use a color you don't like. Block. If anyone tries to start shit with you, block & completely ignore them & don't comment on it. It hurts, but there's nothing you can do about it, and people will move on if you ignore them.

Don't reveal any personal info about yourself on here or to anyone in DMs. Don't use your real name. Don't have anything connected to your other socials. Don't trust anyone on here with your vulnerable emotions, past trauma, etc. And don't say anything in DM you wouldn't feel comfortable with everyone else on the internet potentially seeing.

If you pledge to people on patreon, be aware that your email will show up on their end when you do. Dont use your real name as your patreon username.

If simblr is causing you stress, you feel like your mental health is suffering, take breaks. Log off or delete the app for a while.

And... I think that's all I can think of for now. If there's anything else detailed you wanna ask about feel free. But these are just my general thoughts. Good luck, nonny :)

[manonamora-if]

i dont know if u feel up for it to answer but like... how do u handle negative comments and ratings and just people being negative about ur stuff? bc i have someone just being rude in comments or like notes and game folders on itch and its making me want to just delete everything and never show anyone anything anymore. or even have an acocunt on itch either.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, and that it took me so long to answer. I've been thinking about this for a while honestly. I've been writing a bunch of drafts for this one, because my answer seems to change with the day or my mood. Some of my stuff have had some strange interactions lately that's made me question whether I should stay on itch myself. I mean, I don't think I'll ever leave... there are too many fun jams I want to participate and, you know, to force people to play my weird stuff. But I've been more anxious about new stuff or updates I share recently.

I don't blame you for wanting an out. Some users will poison one's experience of a platform, that even opening the site would give them anxiety. It doesn't take much to have events or projects soured. Often, just a few rude words is enough to make accounts disappear without a word. And many platform don't have good safety nets (blocking, moderation, reports) to temper or avoid these situations. Many will have half-ass solutions that, at the end of the day, still allows interactions from blocked users. It's easy to wonder if all of this is worth it...

Anyway, the very boring and short answer to your question: it depends.

The probably as boring and long one is a bit of a ramble:

It depends on the day, or the mood I have. It's easier to deal with comments when I'm confident and things are going find; but I'd feel more hurt or have a harder time dealing with them when I'm a bit more morose (I think most people feel this way). I'll disregard any (even barely) negative points some days, only to take it into consideration a few days later. <- this especially during jam/comps time, just need time to digest criticism of any kind.

It also depends on the content of the comment, their tone, and intent of the commenter. Not all negative comments are on the same level. I've had negative comments in the past where the commenter was genuine, and really gave my stuff a shot, bringing interesting points or important concerns. And though it hurt a bit, because being told you made a mistake sucks, those helped me grow. But those are the good kinds of comments...

On the other hand, I try to disregard the trolls, and the abusive comments (towards my work or me), the ones where the engagement was clearly not done in good faith... you know, the ones who will literally tell me I've made the world worse by uploading my games on itch. Doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me at all*. Some of them really hurt or made me angry and frustrated, some have lingered for hours or days in my mind, a few made me close to delete stuff as well. Words are not just empty things without meaning... *I've had to block a few people both here and other places recently because of it, they had become so insistent on wanting to engage with me while bashing most of my work, my values or the few aspects of my identity that I've shared online.

It would be easy to say I just don't give them the time of day or any of my energy, or that I pretend they don't exist, because, if I do, then the trolls win. But that would be lying. Obviously.

Screaming to the void/a pillow or ranting to friends have helped get rid of my anger and frustration. I've laughed with others about some comments I got (usually the bad faith ones, some of them are funny in how sad/bad they were). I think what worked best for me was just turn off the computer and go outside for a bit. Or turned off the internet and play silly games on my phone. Or picked up a book. Or watch a movie. Essentially, any activity that would distract me from it and force me to take a break. And when none of this worked, because some trolls are just that insistent, blocking/deleting stuff*. *unfortunately, it's not always possible, see second paragraph again.

It does suck that you're kinda forced to grow a thicker skin to enjoy or even exist in those spaces, and I wish those would be friendlier... but I don't think social platforms/the internet is going in that direction anytime soon.

Maybe not super helpful to your decision, but borogove.io hosts IF games (without ratings or comments, though people can download the files), so does the IFDB through the IFArchive (but there are ratings/reviews there, also can be downloadable). I've seen other peeps host their stuff on neocities (no ratings/comments). None of those platforms are like itch, in the positives or the negative. Or just be old school, and email stuff.

[dc-polls]

I saw some tags on the poll about polls, and pushed myself to think of a few more that aren't specifically character based. It's hard though! I thought of a few but can't really get my mind away from characters, especially since for me personally that's one of the big appeals of comics.

Favorite arc - pretty straightforward and could be a good way to expose each other to things we havent read.

Coolest fanwork - I probably wouldn't do this bc as much as I love the idea of nominating someone for something they've worked on and seeing them excited that they won, I really dont like the idea of there being losers and feeling not good enough. Of course nothing would go in without permission but ehh I don't think a poll bracket is the right format for this one.

Most questionable pose - official art only so we are looking at professional work. Could be bad sexy anatomy, funny pose of someone's butt in the air for no reason, etc. But would have to come with a big disclaimer that everyone even professionals are at different skill levels as artists. I keep trying to think of an art related poll that will work bc it's like a Big part of comics, but I still have misgivings.

Freaky friday - alright this actually is a character poll but not just a who's your fav. People submit characters and then I randomly pair them to swap bodies, and we vote on who would fair best. Id hope it would get zany.

Whose power would you rather have - not quite a blorbo poll but adjacent? Personally I have been trying in all my tournament ideas to avoid a situation where the most popular character wins, either by making the poll not about popularity/best-ness (without an interesting twist), or making the poll not about individual characters. Its hard. But this one would engage people on a more personal level bc their own preferences are going to be unique from person to person. It's not a judgment call of which character is "better" or fits some definition most, but rather who would you specifically want to be. And maybe it'd strike up convo about what y'all would do with that power.

The thing I really am aiming for with these polls is to generate more interaction in the community (actually let me add that the pinned post). My favorite part of being a fan is finding other people and laughing and having fun about a thing we all enjoy. Comics are such a special medium bc there's SO much content and it's so varied. And this tournament fad (yes, that's what it is) is just one way of many to explore that and to achieve this goal. So I'm trying to see what the possibilities are and what will work/what won't while i can before the craze passes.

(edit bc I keep thinking of more.. how about worst/stupidest character death? Biggest missed opportunity? Or something silly like best entrance or sickest burn. Oh or what if the scenario changed every round like it was an adventure that the characters were on?)

[pybun]

You probably get this question a lot, but how do you keep yourself motivated/engaged with art?

Has it become routine for you because of the deadlines you had at uni, or is there something that I'm missing?

I would love to get into a regular routine of improving my art, but on the rare occasion that I do create art, I get halfway through it and hate the way its working out, which demotivates me..on top of that, I have ADHD so my attention span is shocking.

Sorry if you've already answered this previously!

i actually dont know or at least remember if ive been asked this. i prolly gotten similar questions but i most likely gave generic advice back then

im not exactly sure how its become a routine. ig its either because:

its a part of being an internet artist where you have to keep making something to stay relevant

im not satisfied with what i can do so i keep experimenting

i like to see how people react

simply bc i enjoy making art

im working towards a goal. an example would be like a scenario that i thought of that i think will look cool so i do everything i can to make that scenario real

its a tug-o-war between all of those which all pull into driving me to make art

but whenever i finish something, whether big or small, its just a matter of moving on to the next thing. not that youre not allowed to linger on your work, just enough to recollect yourself after the experience and take what you learned to your next projects

I get halfway through it and hate the way its working out, which demotivates me

ohhhhh boy i experienced that a lot but i cant remember what initially made me push past this feeling. these days whenever i feel that i just think abt the pieces where i had a similar feeling, pushed past it and liked how it turned out. i just keep thinking that i might like it in the end

if something isnt working out but you still really wanna make that idea real, you can try approaching it differently. ive had artworks where it took me several iterations just to get the feel right. whats important is that youre happy with it. it sucks to keep working on something that youre dreading

like in this example: i initially wanted this to be a lineless painting but i realized it looks like shit so i just went with the style im comfortable with

another example: while i was already liking the progress on the left pic, i still wanted it to be more semi-realistic so i went fuck it, 3d tracing time

it seems counter productive to stick to your comfort zone but if youre just making art out of enjoyment, might as well

as for attention span, i have a lot of unfinished works just bc new ideas keep coming. while it does feel bad to leave countless wips, it feels worse forcing myself to finish them. the best case scenario is hyperfixating so much on an idea you finish it within your attention span. dont forget to eat, drink water and take breaks when you go on these binges

idk what else to say for now but i hope retellings of my experiences will help

[chaoxfix]

🕯️🪄🌻 for the meme!

ty for the ask!! <3

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

ahh... hmm. i like putting out the energy i want back. if i read something i try to comment, and if i dont like something or am not interested in the concept, i just dont react because it's so much worse to upset someone over something they worked hard on.

i really don't think kudos are a very good expression of appreciation, as it has almost no room for real connection. fics are free, you know? when something is free but gives you joy, you should probably meet it with love, and love in a way that really shows why you like it. thats why i think comments are much better. i get why it can cause anxiety, but there's really no wrong way to comment unless youre 1) being an honest to god jerk, 2) pointing out something you dislike / something that you think the author was "incorrect" about (especially if the commenter is the one whos wrong lmao. either way i really dont think free fanfiction is like. lol. the place to do public criticism. just saying.)

im a rather anxious person irl, so im not really sure exactly what every single other anxious person's obstacles are or how to bridge them. because of that, i won't try to give universal advice since it's something i cant be an expert on if my experience is so different.

but i will say, for myself -- i mitigate my anxiety by practicing gratitude. i weaponize my people-pleasing for good by trying to be someone who makes other people feel genuinely good. and there's nothing better than feeling appreciated and praised for things that have value. and that kind of thing usually comes back around.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

ahh... hmmm...

if it's late at night (after midnight) when i post it, i go to sleep so i wont stay up refreshing the page to see what people say, or worse stay up editing all the typos that "suddenly appear" in ao3 formatting lol. that way even if no one reads it overnight or there are errors, it's okay because at least i can face the day with some sleep.

if it's not late at night when i post it, i try to go for a walk to again avoid constantly refreshing the page for feedback or immediately editing it. bc its not super healthy to spend even more time on it after whats probably been hours and hours, and i dont want my entire day fixated on something i should be done with.

i dont really celebrate much though, probably because i just kind of expect myself to make things of a quality i can stand behind. i didnt really grow up getting praised despite being an overachiever bc it made others around me feel bad when i got a lot . . . so i. have to really try and make something worthy of praise to feel like i deserve it. idk. haha. so anyways overall i try to lean more and more into 'i dont need validation' because id hate to put all my eggs in that basket -- not just because i dont want to be motivated by others' praise, but also because, i dont want to stop writing for the opposite reason, if someday i no longer feel like the quality of work i produced actually deserved the amount of feedback it got.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

low motivation for long stretches, and losing interest in the things others like best, make me want to stop writing. both with fandom and original. low motivation usually coincides with depressive stints for me, and it makes me feel awful. like i cant do the one thing i like best, because i just can't motivate myself. when i finally manage it, it's crap for the first thousand words, then it gets better.

for me though, what makes me keep going is getting others to see my vision. getting them to feel what i aim to make them feel; crafting stories that, maybe theyre not perfect, but the emotions they generate are enough. it really is hard without an audience. even though i'm not motivated as much by getting a ton of validation, i do need at least a little lol, even just someone to say "yes. i see you. i understand what you needed me to feel from this, and i felt it." which is why i have original writing friends as well, for original stuff.

buuut also, i also keep going because i like being able to jot down what im thinking/imagining so that i can revisit it later and go back to that feeling, that moment in time where i was absolutely positive of that scene

thank you again for asking!! ^^

[menalez]

Questtioning Febfem anon i can relate. Personally ive reached a point where it doesnt matter to me anymore trying to find my "innate sexuality" because ill never really know how id feel about men if hadnt experienced the amount of trauma that i have, even though thats also really hard to accept tbh, bc theres always this sliver of doubt and the feeling of not truly knowing yourself, but honestly, who under like 70 actually truly does?

What matters to me right now is learning from my experiences with men. It doesnt matter wether or not what i feel for them is real, genuine and inherent sexual attraction or not, because i know that after every encounter ive had with a man, even men ive trusted and loved and consented to having sex with, my body inevitably goes haywire and i end up panicky, disgusted and full of guilt, shame, self hatred and extremely destructive urges.

I had a hard time accepting that and i thought since i clearly am bisexual since ive had consensual sex with more than one man, maybe this time it'll be good and it'll be worth it and i just gotta relax or communicate or something, for a long time, because it felt like i somehow had to.

But i dont have to. I never had to. And although i miss sex and dating, it is better to be celibate until ive healed and worked on myself enough to feel like im "worthy" of being intimate with another woman again, and having no romantic or sexual encounters is much better for my overall well being than engaging in sexual acts that i know will make me feel horrible both during and after the fact.

There is no shame in being attracted to men, and there honestly isnt even a need/obligation to figure out if you truly are attracted to men or not. What matters is that you know what you DO want, and if you feel a hunger and desire for other women and you know thats what you actually want, just focus on that.

You're not defined by your attraction to men nor by your lack of attraction to them. Do what makes you feel good, and dont do things that make you feel bad. You dont have to identify as a febfem in order to never date or sleep with a man ever again in your life, you dont need a label nor an excuse, although i 100% understand the appeal of wanting to find a community that gets you were you can be completely open without worrying about overstepping or invading lesbian only spaces, while also wanting to avoid having to hear about men and het sex etc.

What im trying to say is just, We'll be okay, you'll be okay, i hope the best for you random online woman who ive never spoken to but feel a great deal of solidarity with. Love you, be safe, take care of yourself and prioritise your own wants and desires♡

!!!!

[apokalyptiskgengangare]

Subjective Experience is a Bitch. It's fucking tiring to feel like you're unique in your Experience. Like the current Feeling ive got is just a general overprevalance of Men everywhere. I used to know alot of lesbians/sapphics whatever but ive either lost contact or theyve become bi or straight. And being the only lesbian you know and ontop of that being trans aint a good combo. Really feels like youre just a straight man. When everyone around you is so big on men and talk about how wonderful men are and you just feel like youve somehow made yourself worse by identifying as a woman. And also i hate hearing about peoples sexuality changing as they go on hormones. So much of my gender identity is encoiled with sexuality and god the though of that changing and me starting to like men sickens me and makes me want to hurl. also it feels really bifobic thinking like this but also idc rn. its probably inadvicable but i gotta get it out of my system, yes i kinda hate men and i try to work on that but also sometimes i feel like i need to find all my representation through stuff that others like and like no i want representation for me but its almost always dumb bullshit that doesnt apply to me. Im a Trans Lesbian who: actually have made efforts to think ideologically and doesnt just spew a haphazard socialjustiselibertarianism that has no grounding. i dont think NV is the best game ever its mearly good i dont like kink stuff like im fine with it but i dont want to engage im not actually that weird in my sexuality im a lesbian bc i like other women trans-cis and also fem presenting nonbinary ppl ig. Im shit at programing im shit at music I dont have a prefrance for anime or manga Im shit at hoi4 and only play it when im drunk enough that the hours i wasted on it dont feel bad im halfway competent at painting miniatures and an ok at sketching idk sometimes it feels like im just delusional and like people just go along with stuff

doesnt help that i cant find similar people when i dislike like a solid 3/4 of the transwomen i meet and idk why or whats wrong with me but it just happens i know like 2-3 transwomen i like and have liked since i met them. the rest i dont despise or anything but it doesnt make it better to be around them and i dont feel like i share something with them always like sometimes it feels like we're worlds apart just bc i dont think animes good and i dont think christianity is fundamentally evil

this post reminds me i need to take some fucking magnesium dubois ass behaviour

[beatbawksradio]

vent about being the bad guy

i dont ever really want to give anyone the impression that i think im perfect or that im beyond making mistakes or hurting others. having mirror touch synesthesia doesn't make me a saint or a mind reader. i cant predict how someone's going to react to something before they do, i can only understand their reaction after its happened. i think a lot of people get this impression that his hyperaggressive super empathy is supposed to also make me like. absolutely magically perfect when it comes to interacting with others, like bc im a pacfist who cares about how i hurt others, that means that i shouldnt be capable of interacting with people in any sort of hurtful way. and any time i do, then suddenly im not actually the person i say i am, or im just using MTS as a shield from criticism or faking it or whatever. "you shouldve known this would hurt," or "why didnt you think about that before you said/did it". but thats simply not true, and is a gross and ridiculous expectation to put on someone

bc the truth is im just another normal human being, just like everyone else. and i make mistakes just like everyone else. ive honestly said and done some really, really stupid shit in my past that i have no excuse for, but have at least grown from that behavior to know enough to not do it anymore. i havent always been the best at apologizing either, and im trying to do better with that as well. and there have been times when ive just been going through traumatic events that have affected my mood, causing me to be more unstable about my more negative emotions. and sometimes, im simply just callous and thoughtless and say something hurtful without really putting any thought behind how it could be received. it happens

i think its important for everyone to acknowledge that they can fuck up sometimes, no matter how nice of a person they try to be. we all have bad days, we all have bad circumstances that life hits us with, and we all cannot be expected to be perfect 100% of the time. literally everyone has engaged in toxic behavior at some point of their life, and sitting here pretending anyone is 'holier than thou' and has never done any wrong ever is also toxic. maybe the wrongdoing is of different degrees, but everyone has still made mistakes and hurt people in their past. anyone who tries to act like they havent is lying

and sometimes like. youre gonna end up being the bad guy in other people's eyes, too, not just the person you hurt. and thats okay, its good for them to have support when they feel hurt. its good for them to stand up and let you know what youve done. sometimes they might not forgive you, or you might end up being pushed out of friend circles. thats okay too. its important to respect peoples boundaries and their sense of space and safety. yeah its gonna suck ass if things are so bad that people cut you off over it, and yeah its gonna suck if the situation was more complicated than what was told to others

but at the end of the day, the people most important in your life are the ones who are gonna stick with you. theyre the ones who will not only support and forgive you for your shortcomings today, but also want to see you grow into an even better person tomorrow. after all, you can only grow into a better person if you still have people supporting you and helping you heal in the right direction; thats something i have never, ever wanted to take away from someone, no matter how angry ive been at them. i understand just how important it is to have people to talk to, even if i suspect that someone is manipulating their support. that doesnt matter, i cant save anyone from a toxic person's manipulation, and attempting to is a much more toxic move on my part. ive been at the receiving end of smear campaigns far too many times for me to ever want to inflict that kind of isolation and mistrust on another person. loneliness never helped anyone

sometimes, people might just be incompatible with one another. no matter how much we want everything to be a cute happy lil diverse funny group where everyone gets along and forgives one another, sometimes two people just really shouldnt ever be next to each other. you dont need to be friends with every human on the planet to be a good person, its okay to dislike people. sometimes thats bc of their personalities, and sometimes its because of their actions towards yourself or others. disliking or not trusting someone doesnt mean theyre going to be a "bad person" for the rest of their life, unfit for redemption and unfit to ever have any friends ever, it just means youre not compatible to be friends with them and thats okay. i, personally, want the people who have hurt me to find out how to do better on their own and grow as people, both for themself and for those around them, because ultimately i dont want other people to continue getting hurt by them. the only one who can stop that is the person themself; and i also cant be around for that redemption. they can get better, but they can do that away from me, bc im only going to continue hampering their progress and growth. i recognize that it would be the same for the people ive hurt, too. if someone's attitude or behavior just stresses you out, there is literally nothing wrong with simply avoiding that person. just like there would be nothing wrong if someone avoided you for things that are innate aspects of your personality; avoiding someone you dislike is a far, far better option than trying to force a friendship that ends up in a lot of stress or worse

wrapping back around, like... i dont want to ever give the impression that i believe ive never done anything wrong, ever, or that MTS makes me incapable of wrongdoing. i have, i absolutely have. ive been the bad guy to a lot of people in my past, whether justified or not. some of those people might not ever forgive me and thats okay; i dont want to be around someone who ive hurt and whos not able to get past it, bc i know that trying to be around them will only continue to hurt them more. its okay to let people go. and its okay to acknowledge that youve been a 'bad guy,' because it doesnt mean that youre an inherently bad person unworthy of any friendships whos going to keep hurting people forever and ever. acknowledging that youve fucked up is the first step in how you start doing better about it. and you can start doing better literally today, literally right now, you can decide that youre going to change a behavior and be a better person for yourself and those around you. theres nothing like... dishonest or deceptive about changing your attitude or changing your mind about things. its natural, and its what youre supposed to do. change is a good thing. what matters the most is not what youve done in the past, but what youre doing right now, and if youre not hurting anyone anymore in the right now, then thats the accurate reflection of your character, not your worst days. you are who you are today.

turn the page, and dont look back. be better today than you were yesterday

[dogstarblues]

had a conversation with friends today about a different conversation regarding my autism that had me thinking i should explore my sex repulsion and really reckon with it.

like in the original conversation i was talking to my friend who agreed that tongue kissing was, to put it gently, off-putting. and i expanded that into the convo of today by musing on the fact that tongue kissing feels like two wet muscles moving against each other. like its always been something i did because a sexual partner liked it. but now that im not romo-partnered and out of a fucked up relationship im like. putting my foot down? i dont have to do that ever again.

and i was thinking abt how i get positivity posts on here abt the animal of the human body and how the grossness of sex should be celebrated and im so happy for everyone but i hate it 😭. i dislike flesh being wet with anything unless its lotion or oil. i dislike being sticky. it feels bad. i dislike being overheated and i dislike touching another person's sweat and i dont even like being touched nonsexually!!!! bad texture terrible sensation. but i spent most of my sexual period just engaging with sweat and stickiness and flesh on flesh and sensation and ignoring my own feelings. because i didnt know i was allowed to be repulsed!!!!!!!!!!!

i think ive been exploring the limits of my sex repulsion with romance novels and ive been discovering i can tolerate it and even find it nice to read when its not. how do you say. when it has little or partial penetrative elements and when its deeply emotional or earthy or just fucking funny. i like reading sex where partners can laugh about how absurd bodies are or when the narrative frames it as funny. and i dont like a lot of fanfic that has sex in it because PWP elements is still PWP. unlike romance novels (even erotic romance and erotica which sex has narrative purpose but i cannot bring myself to read that much sex). sex has a narrative and emotional purpose. im thinking through this. hang on. maybe this is why im not engaging with fanfiction rn. hang on.

in my last relationship with Romantic-Platonic-Best Friend, i began with not being touched and doing the touching on my own terms and when i did allow touch it was limited. and like. i only engaged in sex to be close to her in more ways than emotional, when i wasnt very close to her emotionally bc she kept me at arm's length. but not with sex. so im thinking just how many partners ive had who i performed sex with just to be close when i wasnt given emotional closeness. and now im like. perhaps never again!!!! because i dont know if i want to engage with a relationship again. i have Eternal Roommate Best Friend and i have Spiritual Friend and Body Friend and ND-and-Having-Fun Supportive Friends and i have Childhood Friend and i have Art Friend and so many others and its like. a relief. that i dont have to do anything for them sexually to offer emotional closeness and grace. so its like. im fulfilled. im not begging for love. im not starving? im allowed to feel like its not pleasurable. like even when my body was compelled toward sensation did i like it??? no. no i dont think i did because im good with never having an orgasm again and no matter how hard anyone made my body orgasm i just felt nothing.

like was sex ever emotionally or psychologically pleasurable? i dont think so. maybe, maybe in the future, if i ever have a quasiplatonic relationship again, if i ever have the energy for romantic love again, i could pleasure a partner and not be touched. like i would need to negotiate the partner being a pillow princess or specific places i can be touched like my head or shoulders. but. im not sure. ill emotionally be in a place to derive emotional pleasure from giving sexual pleasure for. a long time. and tbh i dont want to be.

so im trying to detangle how my relationship with sex evolved from lack of emotional nutrience. much 2 think abt.

[mrfoox]

Broken record as usual but I wish i could find someone who loves the same I do, and is equally invested in me as I in them /: