#-> pissed because we get a shared group grade

[castles-in-the-eyre]

may the gods grant me the strength not to throttle my group project members by their thick republican athlete finance bro throats

[daintyshu]

𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

x. heeseung's firsts (1.99k written)

heeseung remembers it like it was just yesterday.

it was the second year of high school and apparently a new girl had just moved to this school —this city, even— and into his class. he watched as your teacher introduced you to the class and if he never believed in love at first sight before that day, he then did for the first time ever.

"hello, i'm jung y/n. i just moved here, please be nice to me. i hope we can be friends," you shyly introduced yourself and everyone welcomed you warmly. your teacher was about to say something before someone else had cut her off.

"y/n? is that really you?" you look up from your fiddling hands to find the source of the voice. a bright smile fell upon your lips and heeseung melted at the sight.

"jay?!"

heeseung didn't know who 'jay' was but he watched as his friend, jongseong, nodded excitedly, mirroring the smile on your pretty face. so he's jay. funny how they've been friends for a year yet he never knew jongseong had an english name.

your teacher smiled at this interaction. "well, it seems you know her already, jongseong. you can show her around so she can settle down easy. y/n, you can go ahead and sit next to him,"

he watched as you smiled timidly at everyone you passed by on your way to jay's desk. his heart stopped when you smiled at him before sitting next to your friend, sharing a quick side hug before paying attention to the class.

-

"hey, new girl!" you hear as you walked through the fairly empty hallway during lunch. you turn to see a group of girls leaning against the lockers, scowling. you notice they were one of the less friendly ones in homeroom.

ah, crap.

it was lunch and you were coming from physics class while jay had biology. the plan was to meet at the cafeteria. you were hoping to have a peaceful first day at your new school but it seems these girls had other plans for you.

"how do you know jongseong oppa?!" one of the girls questioned, roughly shoving you against the lockers. it's funny they call him that because you remember your homeroom teacher mentioning you being the only one in your class to jump a grade.

"we grew up together," you answer with a blank stare, not knowing what reason they had to even ask that.

"yah! what's with that face?! you got a problem, little girl?!" you frown when another girl grabs your face. you try to push her off but as quick as that hand had grabbed you, it was quick to disappear as well.

you look up, confused when you see a guy standing between you and the girls. it's jay's friend. you remember jay introducing you two before you two parted ways for science.

"what are you doing to her?" you felt shivers down your spine when he spoke. he sounded so cold that you did not want to be on the receiving end of it.

"oppa! w–we were just getting to know her!" one of the girls lied, voice way too high pitched to even pass off as natural.

"didn't look like it," he answered sharply. "next time i catch you guys pulling a stunt like this to anyone, see what happens. let's go," he gently taps your arm to show that the statement was directed to you before walking off, you following and catching up to walk beside him.

"you didn't have to do that. i could've handled it myself," you told him as you two walked to the cafeteria together. it's true, you weren't some damsel in distress who needs someone to save her every time, you just didn't have time to react before he did. you wonder if he had watched the whole interaction from the beginning or only when the girl touched you.

"sorry, i just hate that girl. she pisses me off so much," he rolls his eyes and you can't help but laugh at him. "well, thanks anyway, my knight in shining armour," you tease him and he groans. "that's probably gonna stick, huh?"

"it is, now let's go, jay's waiting," you link your arm with his and drag him along with you to the cafeteria where your childhood friend was waiting.

-

first love. that's what you were to lee heeseung; his first love.

at age 17, he first learned what it means to have romantic feelings. he found out that he liked the feeling. it didn't matter to him if you reciprocated or not, as long as you were happy, he was happy too.

he didn't mind watching you reminisce the past with jongseong or laugh at silly little inside jokes you had with the american. he enjoyed seeing the smile on your face and if jongseong was the reason behind it every time, so be it.

love was foolish, but God, did loving you feel so good.

at age 17, he first learned what it means to be selfless. it wasn't that he had been selfish all his life, but to be selfless is to put others before him. to put your happiness before his.

being friends with you was the best thing he had ever done in his 17 years of life. he had never met anyone so caring, so understanding and so pure. it was like heaven lost an angel and she landed in his school that first day you appeared.

but you can't blame him for wanting more.

often, he would lose himself in thoughts of what it would be like if he could finally call you his. if he could carry your bag for you as the three of you walked home together. what would it be like if that teokbokki you were chewing on right now was fed by him, and not jongseong?

right, jongseong.

he watched as the boy wipes a napkin on the side of your mouth, you only grinning at him as you continue eating. he looks away and down at his own plate, mindlessly poking his food as a bitter smile grazes his lips.

you'd be happier with him.

at age 18, heeseung finally learns to not be afraid of taking chances. it was their final year of high school and things were getting more real with discussions of college and graduating. it was now or never for the boy and although he was scared shitless, he did it anyway.

he asked you out.

at age 18, heeseung finally learns what it means to finally call you his.

and so the year passes by with the three of you maintaining the same dynamic that it's been since the start. surprisingly, nothing much changed despite you and heeseung dating. he couldn't believe you even liked him back.

you and jongseong were still close as ever, attached at the hip as everyone says. people would never believe when you tell them you have a boyfriend and it's not jongseong. and if those comments bothered heeseung, he would never mention it to you.

everything was comfortable for you and you were very happy. heeseung was amazing and he never complained about anything. even when he was stressed over studies, he never really showed it. so maybe you should've seen it coming.

at age 19, heeseung finally lets it all out. having studied his ass off for college and not getting the results he wanted took a toll. or maybe just his pent up emotions from the past two years.

having to find out he wasn't going to go to the same college as you while jongseong still has the privilege was making him go crazy. at the end of the day,  jongseong always wins. even if he doesn't, he still does in heeseung's eyes.

it was graduation, it was supposed to be a happy day for everyone. except you and heeseung.

"i'm sorry, y/n. i can't do this anymore. i want to break up. i'm tired of being second place to jongseong every time. it's not fair to me," heeseung had told you after bringing you to the rooftop to speak in private.

"what are you talking about, lee heeseung? you're not making any sense," you frown at the older, one hand reaching up to cup his cheek.

his eyes looked tired and you wished that the day would be over quickly so that he could sleep. you've seen how hard he's worked the past few months.

he circles his hand around your wrist and gently pulled it away from his face, trying to keep a steady hold on it but failing as you noticed how extremely shaky his hand was. "what's wrong, hee? can we just talk first?"

"i'm talking right now. and i'm telling you that i want to break up with you," he lets go of your hand and it drops limply by your side. it was then your frown softened and all that's left on your face is a dejected expression.

"but.....why? are you not happy?" the crack in your voice tugs at his heart and all he wants to do is pull you into his arms and tell you that it's all a joke. oh, how he wished everything was just a joke.

at age 19, heeseung finally learns what it means to be selfish. he loved you so much but it was destroying him. he was finally putting himself above others.

"i'm sorry. the past year has been amazing but i can't help but feel like i'm always second to jongseong. it's always 'jongseong this' and 'jongseong that' with you. if you wanted him, you should have never agreed to date me. you played me, jung y/n," heeseung was angry. you've never seen him angry before.

"i didn't play you, heeseung! jongseong's been my best friend since little so of course he's gonna be a big part of my life! believe me, if i wanted him, i would've done something about it a long time ago but i chose you! i love you, lee heeseung. is that so hard to believe?" you were in tears by now but heeseung has had it.

"you sure have a shitty way of showing it," he scoffs. he didn't mean it. he was just angry. he didn't mean it at all. although you were his first ever girlfriend, you were probably the definition of the perfect girlfriend to him.

if only jealousy wasn't a green eyed monster.

seeing the tears falling uncontrollably down your pretty face was pulling at his heartstrings. how are you still so beautiful even like this? he had to stay strong. he was doing this for himself, after all.

maybe he should've listened to the internet when they said trios never work. maybe he should've listened to the voices that told him not to get too close or he'll get hurt. maybe. but if he had, he wouldn't have such fond memories to look back on in the future. maybe in the future, he'll learn that when something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

"i love you, jung y/n. i'm sorry it had to end this way. i hope you have a good life and i hope when we meet again in the future, it'll be under better circumstances," and with that, he walked out the rooftop door and out of your life.

it was then everything finally processed. you break apart in the vast expanse of the rooftop, crying under the darkening sky with such despair your whole body shakes with the violence of each sob.

and if heeseung had stayed by the door, listening to you break down, he would take it to his grave. he wipes his tears away before ultimately leaving despite all the alarms ringing in his head to turn back and engulf you in his arms.

and so at age 19, lee heeseung experienced his first and last ever heartbreak.

prev | m.list | next

synopsis. in which you work at odd atelier cafe and can only make hearts in your lattes, causing a certain boy to misunderstand your intentions..... then he brings his friends and chaos ensues.

taglist (open): @semisemirin1i82 @txtmetonight @ilyjxdz @miniature-tragedy @n1k1mura @t00miee @manooffline @aerivrs @saranghaohoshi @woninluv

[sebsbarnes]

heeyyyy thank u soo muvh for doing my last req i am obsessedd. Im not sure if u can do this one but its juts a thought. tan x reader where they are in high school and the twins kind of just become besties with reader and they are just known as a trio in school and lem and tan are like the readers bodyguards cuz they are so protective if reader is ever in trouble and reader and tan are cushing on each other and its just cute

hi, of course! ty sm for sending requests in i appreciate it! im going to do this bullet point style i hope that's okay!

tangerine high school headcanon

warnings: the slightest! description of someone being a bully

masterlist

okay so i think tan and lemon wouldn't really take school seriously, like they still do well and are very smart but they didn't really pay attention much almost like they were too smart for school

they would sit in the back corner of class and just mess around but honestly the teachers didn't really care because they had good grades

you met the twins due to a class project, it needed to be done in groups of threes and it was your lucky day when the name sorter chose you for the twins!

you didn't mind though having talked occasionally to them in some of your shared classes. they were nice, funny, and smart and so are you

lemon grumbled how he didn't feel like working on it now

"want to come to my house after and we can do it then?"

the twins happily agreed and the three of you goofed off the rest of the period

having spent many hours with the twins you all grew very close and kinda became inseparable in school, you all had the same sense of humor and that drew you to each other

teachers and other students knew that it was no longer the lemon and tangerine duo but now a trio with you

one day during class you desperately needed to use the bathroom and the teacher started to yell at you that you should've went between class period

"if you don't let them use the bathroom i will piss all over your fucking floor," tangerine hissed at the teacher

yeah...he had a mouth even then

and no he didn't pee on the floor

while stood in line for lunch tangerine and lemon overheard some guys talking about you

"there's no way the twins are actually friends with them... such a loser, dude."

"gotta be a charity case situation... the twins are way too cool to be friends with someone like that, almost makes them losers too."

tangerine took his empty tray and wacked it across one of the guys heads while lemon sucker punched the other in the nose

"really guys?" you said disappointedly after waiting for them to get out of detention

your hand went up and gently touched the bruise forming around tangerine's eye

"they were talking bad about you! we weren't going to stand there and do nothing!"

"yeah well now you're injured!"

but they didn't care, you were worth every detention and injury they got for defending you

now tangerine, yeah, he is a sap okay. he'd try so hard to play it cool but he failed miserably

absent from school? he wants to go home. paired with someone else? might as well give him a zero now. overheard someone thought you were cute? hell no. walking next to each other in the hallway? yeah his hand touched yours. no space on the couch in your living room? no worries, he's squeezing next to you. you didn't bring lunch? now his is yours. you were upset over a bad grade? he basically ripped his shoulder off for you to cry on it.

if you were instructed to be quiet during class tangerine couldn't take it. he needed to talk to you at all times so without fail you'd feel the slight gush of wind as a folded piece of paper went flying over your shoulder and onto your desk. you'd open the paper to some absolute nonsense that wasn't dire scribbled in pencil but you'd always pick your pen up and responded and drop the note over your shoulder to him.

what sent him over the edge was you getting a flower on valentines day... yeah that's right you had people wanting to be yours and that bubbled a weird feeling inside tangerine... what was it.

"you have a crush, idiot," lemon thumped him on the head.

"no...no? on (y/n), funny... really fuckin' funny. me? having a crush on them? our best friend? there's no way."

lemon would raise a brow at tangerine, picking at his sandwich, "see how you're trying to convince yourself it's not true?"

yep, lemon was right. of course he was. the day the group project started lemon knew the two of you had a small crush on the other.

tangerine felt a tap on his shoulder, "excuse me, this is for you," a girl tapped him on the shoulder.

tangerine and lemon looked at each other bewildered at the flower being placed in front of him. there was a small note folded up with familiar handwriting

"be mine?"

[septicwriters]

What I think your favorite ego says about you!

Dark: You are one of two things: you are cool, calm, and collective or, batshit wild. Regardless of which, when you snap, YOU SNAP. Whoever pissed you off better pray to the old gods because the new one ain't picking up his phone. You either seem like you have your shit together, or you really do. There is no in-between.

Anti: Relax? Who is she? Who are eccentric from the start. You are quiet at first, making people think you are shy and just have to warm up to them, when in reality, you are biding your time. Watching your surroundings to see how everyone ticks, and then you strike. Violence is not always your attack, you can also deal out verbal attacks as well. Your RBF is on point.

Wilford: You are that person who is cheerful to hide your trauma. Sorry, but we can still see it. You can't hide a body behind a glass wall. You will smile and give homemade treats and remember everyone's birthday, but everyone once in a while, you will say something to cause everyone's concern to go to an 11. High ADHD levels.

Jackie: You are that one person that is motivated beyond belief. You will wear yourself out with over positivity and helping others and then break down in a public restroom. Crying from stress is a call for attention, even in an empty room (false, cry if you need too) can't drink coffee because it sends your hyperness through the roof and gives you a headache.

Damien: You are the mom friend of the group, you either have snack pouches and juice, or a way to reprimand your friends. You are shy around confrontation, but always quick to come up with a solution to a problem. You wouldn't share homework answered, but would help with the homework. You are the designated driver.

Chase: things you cry at: cat videos, cute kid videos, slice of life anime, cute finales of comedies. You have some sort of an addiction. Coffee, alcohol, cleanliness, art, your hobby, collecting hobbies. Something to keep your hand busy is always needed, helps tame the voices. Your therapist friend begs you to go to therapy, but who can afford it? Definitely not you, and besides, you aren't even that serious. Thinking about death is normal, right? Right?!

Celine: you are the wine aunt. Weather that is literal or towards your friends, that is your title and you where it with pride. Might be some sort of witch. You can become serious quickly, you go from go lucky to problem solver 1-100 real fast. You are always available, even if you're not happy about it. You listen to problems and come up with half good answers. Sorry to say, but arson is not always the answer.

Schneep: you are the therapist friend, and you need a therapist. Carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Must have perfect grades, perfect attendance, perfect ingernal. Coffee is not breakfast, nor is it good to drink at 3 in the afternoon. Eat some real food, please, granola bars are not going to get you through the day.

Actor: in some way, shape, or form, you are a profectionist. People may get upset about the way things must line up, if your drink is one inch higher than expected, everything is ruined. Everything must be perfect, or it's terrible. You either love art, or an artist yourself who hates your art. When someone tells you you are a profectionist, you lash out in anger. Take a nap, might do you good.

JJ: silent but deadly. Words are very rarely exchanged with those outside your friend group. When someone asks you what you are reading, you lift up your book to show the title and continue to read. You made your own lunches at school. If someone crosses you, you will be passive aggressive about it. Dresses formal for every occasion.

Google: you have anger issues, eldest sibling , reliable one? When someone needs advice, you are the first to go to. You regularly go to those warehouses to destroy things. You don't work well with others, prefer to work alone than In a group. Effortlessly get A's on tests.

Marvin: you are either gay, or the gayest straight person. If there's no glitter, you don't want it. You're temper is fiery, but your significant other wouldn't have you any other way. You have enemies, and your friends are worried about that. You have either mental or physical scars and are self conscious about them. Your scars tell your story, don't be embarrassed. You live in the library and write papers that aren't necessary.

Bing: your favorite Ninja turtle was Mikey. Love Bill and Ted. The life of the party, always trying to be the cool guy. You fail at it, but you don't let that slow you down. You once tried to do something reckless, failed, and said that you'll practice until you do it. You succeed. You do anything you put your mind to. Useless facts, no, no one knew that otters hold hands while sleeping to not drift away, but thank you for sharing. Orange crush is your favorite drink.

Tell me how accurate I am!

[mockingbirdshymn]

way too many camp camp headcanons? why not

part seven: nikki

she has adhd but i think we all probably knew that

dyslexia!! she has dyslexia and it pisses neil off to no end when she spells something wrong. she thinks its funny

step-siblings nikki and neil!!! their parents eventually got together and nikki begged neil's dad to get her a bunk bed to share with neil. neil is not happy with this arrangement

lesbian nikki. you cannot look at her and think shes even slightly straight. "juliet should've done karate instead of kissing boys. maybe she wouldn't have died then." you are so right nikki

nikki has a pet bearded dragon, a fish tank, a terrarium of pet frogs, and a pet pigeon. she begged her mother for all of the animals and eventually her mother relented. the pigeon is one she grabbed from the streets on the way back from some store with her mother and snuck into her house, and said pigeon loves nikki to death. the pets' names are...

Bearded Dragon - Bernred. she spelled bearded as bernred and decided that was the name. neil suggested she named it bernard instead, because that's an actual name, but she hissed at him like a rabid cat

Fish - John, Jason, Josh, Jim, Jeremy, and Clark. nikki named clark different because "he's adopted". all of the fish are technically adopted.

Frogs - The Croaker, The Ribbler, and Batman. neil is frustrated at how batman's name isnt a pun. she just says she couldnt think of one

Pigeon - Seagull. this is because her mother called it a seagull at first and she found that funny

she has trained seagull the pigeon to attack at her command. she uses this to her advantage

nikki requires every house she lives in to have a foresty area in the backyard

carl made nikki a treehouse as a gift. nikki had never been so excited about something before. she sleeps in the treehouse sometimes, despite candy and carl's protests.

nikki nearly fails every one of her classes, except for science, somehow. she barely passes close enough to make it to the next grade. sometimes, neil gets so frustrated he does her schoolwork for her when she gets an obvious answer wrong.

nikki is pretty affectionate to her new step-brother, because she always wanted a sibling. she gives neil rocks and sticks and leaves she finds cool. she was under the impression he usually threw them out after she gave them to him, but when trying to find something or other in their room, she found a hidden box full of all the sticks, leaves, and rocks she'd given him before.

nikki wants to be a zoologist when she's older, because she thinks she'd be good at it. (she ends up becoming one, and a pretty well-known one because of her ability to handle even the most feared of animals. like hippos. up close)

nikki idolizes ered, but as they get older, they become better friends with more of an equal dynamic.

ered, nerris and her have a 'girls night out' every so often. when nerris told them they were non-binary and went by she/they, nikki changed it to 'girls night out plus nerris', even though nerris said they were fine with it not changing

nikki hangs out with dolph and nerris as much as she can. they still get into adventures, but never get much done during them. they still have fun doing their adventures, which is what matters most.

nikki and nerris' mothers do not like each other

nikki insisted the camp campbell campers stayed connected in some way, and made the first group chat, titled: "Probably Entitled to Financial Compensation"

every halloween, nikki forces max, neil and her to do matching costumes.

max, david, and gwen are invited to a new year's eve 'party' with nikki, neil, and their parents. the party is just them watching tv, playing board games, setting off fireworks for an hour and a half, eating junk food and staying up till midnight. its become their collective tradition, one they wouldnt miss for the world despite how some claim it's boring or they hate it.

nikki balances neil's anxiety by pushing him to be more confident, and neil balances nikki's wildness by making sure she doesn't do anything too risky

nikki's favorite food is a pb&j sandwich

nikki's favorite color is red "like blood"

nikki is always energetic, and on christmas morning wakes everyone in her family up at 5:30am to unwrap presents

nikki generally wakes up before anyone else in the house

nikki has a nintendo 2ds, on which she plays pokemon X and only pokemon X. her starter is froakie

nikki, who has the top bunk of her and neil's bunk bed, has blankets strung up from the ceiling as fort walls

the only books nikki likes to read are comics

[lucysweatslove]

Well tonight sucked.

I don’t know what bee has flown up my sister’s bonnet but she has been… very volatile lately? Oreo pawed at Rob this evening- his way of communicating he wants to snuggle on his belly- and it was so cute my husband sent it to the group chat with me and my sister. My sister said something in jest about how we should just anticipate his needs and not make him communicate. I was joking back about how he likes communicating with us instead of having us make hasty assumptions. This got into a debate about communicating needs and desires vs anticipating them. Personally, I like when communication is direct and have no issues directly communicating expectations. My sister was saying most people want you to anticipate their needs so they don’t have to communicate.

Now in my experience, this isn’t true. Most people I have worked with do NOT like when you make an assumption and then make a choice based off of that assumption without consultation, because it could be incorrect. They like when you are thinking and anticipating a desire, but not when you strip them of the final choice (or, the choice to make the final choice). My experience is that the people who get mad at you for NOT assuming and then acting on said assumption without consultation are typically the people who would be mad at your for making those same assumptions on another day if the assumption wasn’t accurate.

Example, some customers brings in their own bags regularly for groceries. If the cashier asks, “would you like us to use your own bags today?” most people wouldn’t be angry at all, and will just say yes. They may register that the cashier remembered them and their bagging preferences. But let’s say there is a customer who gets annoyed that the cashier had to ask. Fast forward to the next week, and the customer usually brings in their own bags. If the cashier asks, “would you like us to use your own bags today?” most people wouldn’t be annoyed and just say no, I forgot my bags, [paper/plastic/a box] is fine instead. But, if the cashier assumed the customer had their own bags and didn’t, the customers on average will feel a little more annoyed. And the same customer who was pissed a week ago that the cashier asked would be among the most pissed that the cashier didn’t ask. Because for that customer, they want their needs anticipated no matter what, without communicating it, so anytime you may get it wrong, they’re going to be mad. But it is IMPOSSIBLE to know 100% of the time without any further communication.

When I shared MY experience, my sister decided to deride my experiences.

I have been in the workforce longer than she has, as I started working in college (she hadn’t). I worked at a grocery store doing “store support” which was, at its core, mostly customer service. I did a LOT of cashiering. We had boxes, not bags. Many brought their own reusable bag. Many were regulars. Sometimes they forgot. Sometimes it was in their purse and they hadn’t fished it out. I NEVER got an angry customer for asking if they’d want their groceries boxed, carried out, or in their own bag. I DID get a verbal reaming for assuming a regular knew the policy and NOT asking her upfront what she wanted. (She came in later and actually apologized to me, but you get where I’m going with this).

Anyway, I made a hasty judgment based on the fact I’ve worked actual retail-based jobs where we deal with hundreds of customers on the daily, and I’ve been in the workforce longer.

My sister got pissed about that and had to shit on the jobs I’ve done- you know, the nearly a decade I’ve been in the workforce apparently is nothing compared to her volunteering for our little sister’s grade school basketball teams, or working (truly shit hours) during her two years of clerkship + two years of residency.

She honestly thinks working in psych she deals with 4x the number of Karens as the general population deals with… like yes working in psych is demanding and psych patients are very demanding.., and I worked with them in a 100% patient facing role as a tech for over two years, longer than your residency. I didn’t say that though- I just validated that yes she has had experience too, and yes her jobs have been hard, shitty, emotionally draining in many ways.

I thought we had moved last all of this when she started getting into more semantic bullshit about communication (she was like “you’re lumping communication into one generalized category” to which I was like yes, because it IS a generalized category, that’s why it’s it own entire field of study people get degrees in?). She tried to say it’s about recognizing a pattern to anticipate needs in the future (this requires communication of some sort to know what to do about said pattern). I even tried sending a photo of Oreo snuggling the octopus to distract her and change the subject (I shouldn’t have to do that though, right, under her initial postulate? She she should just ANTICIPATE my needs right? Shouldn’t she have pattern recognition, that whenever we argue I try to retreat because I’m over it and don’t want to engage with this bullshit? No? OH because COMMUNICATION is needed! Go figure).

At one point she brought up her SO, who rob and I both don’t think is right for her and she complains about all the time, and how nice it would be and how it would take off mental load if he anticipated her needs without her having to ask. I didn’t argue any of that. I just said I understand why that is true for her. I however don’t like that, because I like to have the ability to change what I want at any point. Like, messes stress me tf out, but I would be PISSED if rob decided to “anticipate my needs” and clean my messes up. He’s done that and I HATE it. My point was- yes her experience is valid, here is my opposite experience, we have different experiences! That’s it. The whole time I tried to be neutral regarding her SO. I didn’t bring up sore spots.

Anyway she cycled BACK to the job thing and got VERY rude and belittling. I told her I wasn’t claiming to be better than her, nor did I say her job wasn’t important, valid, or customer service (I merely stated, again in a hasty judgment based on gut reaction) that I’ve been in the real world, making my own money and paying for my own life and being responsible for my own life, for longer and thus have had more real world experience. She conflated the two and then claimed I was gaslighting her “like mom” (a SUPER deep dig btw when I had worked so hard to be civil).

I tried to assert myself by saying look your work is hard, emotionally demanding, interaction-heavy, but that does NOT mean that she trumps over all of my experience- nearly a decade. I tried to remind her that I’ve done more than just the paid stuff she knows about too and gave an example. You know what her response was? “I listen to everybody in the family so of course I knew about the hotline” (no she didn’t because I actually didn’t talk about it???) and then she just went off again that I was invalidating her experience “just because I wasn’t getting laid working in a grocery store” (she kept coming back to my grocery store time but never mentioned the medical work I’ve done or even my teaching?). I have done nothing but validate her fucking work experience and how important it is, I’m just saying to GROW TF UP and realizing OTHER PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCES THAT MATTER TOO.

My final text, which she won’t see until tomorrow and likely won’t reply to in any real capacity (she’ll probs turn it onto me) was me asserting myself and boundaries. She has more medical knowledge. She does not have more knowledge on the human experience. She invalidates my work frequently, regardless of how much I validate hers. That whenever she perceives any slight against her she can get very judgmental and CRUEL no matter what the reality of the situation was. That she chooses words and actions that belittle those around her. That she doesn’t monopolize shitty, demanding work. ThT respecting others jobs doesn’t take the respect away from here. That maybe she spends so much time pretending to care about people around her that she doesn’t have two shits to give to her sister, or maybe I’m just an easy target or a safe person to lash out at. Or maybe she just truly doesn’t respect any of my lives experiences because I’m not a doctor.

And at the end I basically told her that if that was the case, to let me know. Because I know I’m going to be faced with disrespect and belittling frequently, in situations I just have to put up with because that’s medicine, but I do NOT have to put up with it from her. If she is going to treat me like I am somehow beneath her, I won’t give her opportunities to do that to me directly.

So yeah I had to assert a very strong boundary. I didn’t outright say I will never talk to her again, because that’s extreme. But I have to protect myself and my boundaries where I can. If she continues to insist that my experience is worth less than hers because we chose different paths? Fuck no I’m not going to force myself to be around that bullshit when I don’t need to. I won’t be around for holidays if she’s there. I won’t take care of her dogs or be there to listen to her when she needs an ear.

As full adults, I have never told her that her experience wasn’t valid, that it means less than anybody else’s, that her hardships aren’t real. Things were going so well post-college for us as sisters. She was even my maid of honor at my wedding. So asserting this boundary sucks. But if she can’t respect me as another human, as her equal in many ways, I don’t want to spend the emotional energy on dealing with that anymore.

I know right now is a difficult time for her in many ways and I don’t want to compound to that. But honestly, respecting me shouldn’t compound that anyway. If disrespecting me is the only way she can deal, she needs a better therapist.

(Also I want to say: for years I have felt belittled by my family, that my contributions haven’t been recognized. I can’t bring any of this up because I will be told I’m wrong. I’m so tired of this).

[wonusite]

So while I attempt to get myself together (turns out work is tiring and makes your brain turn to mush while thinking about Joshua), here's a list of nerd!shua headcannons I have in no particular order:

Sloppy kisses. Not only are you and Josh constantly all over each other in public (PDA and you two are basically synonymous at this point) but it's sloppy, there's tongue and spit and touching and grinding and on campus security has definitely had their fair share of stern talking to's with you (you're actually their least favourite to break up too, since it always takes a minute or two for you to break for air and they just have to stand there and wait for you to acknowledge their existence please for the love of God will you guys just get a room holy shit)

Gifting each other a Lovense Lush and a Lovense Gush for the first year anniversary <3 presentations, tournaments, study group sessions, suddenly everything becomes a lot more interesting. I can see josh being so so so mean to you and making you cum and cum and cum until you're so sensitive and overstimulated you're in tears. On the flip side, you edge the shit out of poor little Joshie. His cum is all yours to touch, taste and play with. If he's not making a mess out of you, he's not getting release period.

Moving in together!!! Y'all are so in love that by the time the next year comes around, you don't see the point in living separately when you spend almost every waking moment together and have literally slept in the same bed every single night since you started dating. You can never get enough of your cute little nerd, and now that you live together? You never have to, ever again. He's yours to keep and hold and love forever (at least until the lease ends and you guys have to figure out living arrangements again LOOOOOL)

Also, continuing on with the living together headcannon, previous tenant left behind a bed frame for you guys (score!). Unfortunately, the old Ikea bed frame can't really take the uh, impact, of the activities you get up to, especially not at the frequency of your bedroom activities. You and Josh learn a valuable lesson about investing in sturdy furniture after the fiasco (spoiler: bed collapsed mid-fuck. Unsurprisingly, it didn't stop you guys and you kept at it until you both came)

So!! Much!! Soft!!! Pure!!! Love!!! Although you're horny and fuck pretty much constantly (are we surprised? No. Are we disappointed? Depends on how much studying you were trying to get done that day HWBSJWJSJ) there's that underlying softness of that established relationship and mutual feelings. The sex is good and it feels amazing, but nothing hits quite like the love bitten smiles early in the morning over a hot cup of coffee before school, the way you nestle your head right under his chin before you fall asleep for the night, the domesticity of shua backhugging you while you cook dinner, the soft humming of Sunday morning in your ear as you're trying to make sure the garlic doesn't burn. It hits you all at once one random Tuesday afternoon that this? This is heaven. This is everything you've ever wanted in your life and you've never, ever felt so loved and cared for before. If you could spend the rest of your life just living in domestic bliss with the cute nerd from your calculus class, you would never have another complaint. Joshua is undoubtedly the love of your life, and having him by your side makes your heart feel so, so full

Josh being a TA of a class and you sucking his dick under the desk while he holds office hours. You started entertaining yourselves because usually no one stops by (especially for not prickly little Josh. He's polite, sure, but it always feels like the vibes are off when they ask him for help. The students are scared to piss off the person that grades their exams) but for some reason, there's a pesky little brunette that ALWAYS seems to come by asking for help every single week after Josh wore a particularly tight t-shirt to class one day (though you can't blame her, his tits are to die for). The first time you sucked him off while he was explaining a question to her, you did it because you were ticked off that some first year thought they could come in and sweep your boyfriend off his feet. The following times it's because your dirty little exhibitionist boyfriend cums so incredibly hard at knowing that 1) he could be caught at any moment and 2) you're so possessive over him

Pegging. No explanation needed. It's just hot to think of Josh's sparklikg eyes filled with tears because you're fucking him so good

First I love you coming after an epiphany after a fight (this is gonna be a separate ask because I've thought about it a little too hard oops I'm mentally ill what else is new)

You being soooo annoyingly in love with your boyfriend that you become THAT girl to all your friends. Omg wait did I also tell you that Josh plays gui- Guitar and he serenades you with Sunday Morning every single Sunday morning? Yes Y/N you have now shut the fuck up holy shit

You meet his mom and on paper, you're the absolute perfect girlfriend. Smart, pretty, sweet, outgoing, so caring and so in love with his darling son. She doesn't know what a vixen you are and how you've corrupted her sweet little boy, but it's okay. Even though he doesn't have his virtue anymore, you'll make sure he's nice and taken care of

Joshie needs at least 1 (one) kiss on the lips from you every single time you see each other, no exceptions. You haven't said your proper hellos to each other if you haven't had your kiss. One time you forgot and Josh gave you the cold shoulder for a week. He takes this very seriously, don't try him.

Proposes the day of convocation to celebrate the end of one chapter of your lives together and the beginning of a new one <3

[aha-chuu]

THE FACT THAT okay so Kaveh and Al Haitham did a group project together and fell out immediately after/in the process of it (most realistic thing in Genshin lol), and now they live together is just.

I can't quite articulate it, but the image of these young adults getting so pressed about their shared grade (which, their research project is literally a resounding success and they're rewarded with a *house* for their efforts - my uni is not so kind) that they are still at each other's throats years later. What happened? Are we going to be seeing a host of "getting back together" and "reconciliation" fics? Al Haitham lets Kaveh back into his life because he views him as a "mirror" that helps him know himself better (it would be less gay to make out at this point), but is he not still pissed about whatever fight they had?

[burningtacozombie]

Script review for “Hotel Cocaine” Pilot

It’s 1978 in Miami. Cocaine is becoming THE drug, to the point where people are building tiny submarines, basically coffins, that allow them to smuggle coke into Miami from South America.

We watch as one of these coffins pops up off the Miami coast and the two riders get out and wait for the boat that’s going to pick them up. Instead, a group of Haitian pirates show up and machine gun a bunch of holes into the smugglers.

Cut to The Mutiny Hotel, the Casablanca of Miami, where we hear our hotel manager, Cuban ex-pat, Roman Compte, explain the scene: “The year was 1978 and the cocaine wars of Miami stop at our entrance. We were Switzerland, neutral territory, where drug dealers sent drinks over to DEA agents and avoided killing each other because everyone was having too much fun.”

After dealing with a Hunter S. Thompson incident (yes, the author), Roman gets cornered by two DEA agents who explain that the aforementioned submarine massacre included one of their men working undercover. They want Roman to reconnect with his estranged brother, Nestor, who’s essentially this story’s version of Scarface. Nestor is the one who owned the sub.

The last person Roman wants to deal with is his bloodthirsty crazy brother. But after the DEA threatens to send him back to Cuba, where he’ll be shot dead for betraying Castro, he doesn’t have a choice.

Nestor is not happy to see his sibling but Nestor also realizes the advantages of having an inside man at the most desirable hotel in town. Once Roman is in with Nestor, the DEA wants him to tell them when and where Nestor is going to deal with the Haitians who killed his submarine crew. They want to get there first and arrest Nestor. But when Nestor sniffs out his brother’s betrayal, he changes the meet-up location, and everything falls apart for both the DEA and Roman.

This was a really good pilot.

X

It gave me some Taylor Sheridan vibes. Paramount’s probably pissed they didn’t snatch this up.

When it comes to TV shows, you’re trying to find scenarios that create a never-ending series of problems that need to be solved by your protagonist. This is why cop shows are so reliable. A cop always has another problem to solve. As soon as one murder is over, another one happens in the next neighborhood.

Same thing here. The series takes place in a hotel. Even at a normal hotel, you’ve got a new problem every 30 minutes. But imagine if you took a normal hotel and turned it into one of the most high profile hotels in the world where criminals, cops, DEA, celebrities, FBI, all hung out.

Now, you’re going to have a new problem every minute. And these problems are going to be much higher grade than the ones at your average hotel. For example, you’ll have your fair share of dead bodies in rooms. That’s why this is such a good idea for a show. Roman is always going to have a problem to solve.

What’s great about Hotel Cocaine is that the writer, Chris Brancato, didn’t stop there. He turbocharged his idea by placing Roman in a very precarious position. Roman is being controlled both by the DEA, who want an inside man into Nestor’s operation, and Nestor, who wants an inside man into the DEA’s operation. This forces Roman to walk the thinnest tightrope in Miami.

This is how you write, guys. It’s not hard when you think about it.

a. Come up with a concept that generates problems. b. Place the story somewhere where those problems feel big, so the stakes are high. c. Make things as difficult as possible on your protagonist.

That simple formula is what makes this pilot work.

I do have a beef, though. There’s a big scene late in the pilot where Nestor needs to know if he can trust Roman. So he calls him over then takes him into some back room. Sitting in the back room is a guy who’s tied up. Nestor says this guy deceived him. And Nestor will work with Roman if Roman kills him right here and now. He gives Roman the gun and Roman is tasked with a difficult decision. Kill or don’t kill?

My beef? I’ve seen this scene a million times before.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a compelling scenario. And it usually works. But if you’re not going to do anything new with it, don’t write it. Cause once you give the audience something they’ve seen a ton of times before, you lose a little piece of them. Cause they’re like, ‘Oh, I’ve been to this house before. I’ve seen this room.’ You’ve lost a little bit of that magical storytelling hold you have on the reader (or viewer). And if you do that a few more times in your script, you lose the reader altogether.

I’ll tell you how to fix that scene in the What I Learned section. But that was the only real blip on the radar here. I suspect this is going to be a really good show. Assuming, of course, that Roman can solve the hotel’s biggest problem of all – how to relocate to a streamer that viewers have access to.

What I learned: All right, so let’s say you want to write a “Shoot this guy so I can trust you” scene. You’ve heard the Scriptshadow criticism ringing in your ear imploring you to find a unique way into the scene. Yet, no matter how hard you try, you can’t come up with a fresh angle. Here’s what you do, instead: Make the person he has to kill someone we’ve set up earlier in the script as a character he has a connection with. That way, your protagonist isn’t just shooting anyone. It’s personal. They know, and are maybe even close, to this person. That scenario works 99.9% of the time, even though we’ve seen it before. There’s something about seeing our protagonist tasked with killing someone they know that’s riveting and overrides any ‘cliche’ criticisms.

[waiting-on-a-dream]

for an ask game, how about epel? :>

Hey Lina! You're always the first when it comes to these oc ask games, huh? (ŐωŐ人)♡

Romantic matchup: Slyvan Marwood

(I think Epel might have said quite a bit on what kind of romance he would like in the Ghost Marriage event, but I don't follow the events that closely, so I'm just gonna wing it with his voice lines for the event, my own personal headcanons, as well as the little tidbit from this post by Miss Raven!)

According to Miss Raven's post, Epel is questioning if the “ideal prince” even exists. And it seems like he isn't very into the idea of a passionate whirlwind romance, with roses and chocolates and riding around on a white horse or whatnot.

“In the future, I could raise apple trees with my loved one, and we could make jam together… I-I mean, that’s just a story! I heard before! Ahaha…”

“Whenever my grandparents have a fight, they bake their favorite, apple pie, together as a way of making up. I want a relationship like that someday too.”

His idea of romance seems to be based on his grandparents' marriage, calm, domestic and loving. And who better to share that love with him but my sweet Slyvan! They're both country boys, have the same ideal romance, and are striving to better themselves.

Also, if there's anyone that's gonna bake apple pie with him to make up after a fight, its Slyvan! Because Slyvan loves apple pie, yes.

Platonic matchup: Zoya Eiwari

I can totally imagine Zoya doting on him because he looks super cute, acts super funny, and would probably admire her for her athletic capabilities! She's an only child, and has often fantasized about having a younger sibling. Epel would make a great younger brother for her! (Ohoho! Zoya birthday union interview idea? ⊙‿⊙)

Group project partner matchup: Xenon Ambrose

Depends on what kind of group project we're talking about here, but I'm gonna assume its something like a presentation with a folio. Its really interesting to think about Epel being partnered with Xenon.

He'd probably think: That weirdo from Ignihyde that a bunch of people have been whispering about? Why'd I have to be partnered with him...Why is he calling me 'Chariot'?

But I think it could work! Once they warm up to each other that is. Xenon is a great listener, and would nod patiently every time Epel starts to rant about something pissing him off. Whilst Epel would help Xenon to try to live in the moment a little, have some fun! They might be able to get a very good grade, with their non-existent work schedules, but at least they get to be friends afterwards?

[wooahaes]

Ahh we all have that one professor who makes u go ??? The fuck ??? At least 5 times in 20 mins lol I get you

Also the nct thing was purely by accident lol aksnsksms I initially listened to boom by nct dream, thought I’d listen to a couple more songs, fell down the rabbit hole and now I actively Stan 20+ men 💀 yeah I did that to myself lol but fr nct has some weird shit but a LOT of bops like if you like slow ballad type of stuff I recommend from home and my everything but nct u or if u like smth cute Touch by NCT 127 is p well liked by most people I introduce that song to! And most of nct dreams older songs are p cute too! I feel like you’ve made a grave mistake letting me talk ab NCT because I could go on FOREVER aksnsksms also I totally get the mark + Haechan duo lol I have a particular fondness for mark because we share the same birthday lol plus he’s so cute I just wanna fucking SQUISH

I would LOVE to hear you talk about Shinee!! All of their music fuckin SLAPS I’ve been obsessed with Body Rhythm every since it came out and like I got into the fandom p late so I don’t know much but I think taemin is fucking hilarious like he is very much my pathetic lil meow meow

-Baby Teume

literally i love her but the way she runs her classes... headache inducing. im probably going to scrape past with a C unless she decides to drop our lowest grade (highly unlikely but very welcome)

... my confession is that i actually enjoy sticker lmao like ik its not great ig? but i can still vibe with it

i have made NO mistake asking u to talk abt nct!!! pls talk to me about nct whenever u feel like it lmao i love hearing abt other ppls groups and the stuff they get passionate about!! literally i love when ppl give me song recs even if i dont end up getting into them bc its a lil 'hey i thought u might enjoy this' and i think thats sweet <3

i learned that marks emojis are a tiger and a lion and im like omg... tiger... another tiger boy to add to my collection. AND lions too??? mark nct ill give u a kiss omg /j

omg... u will regret asking me abt shinee i love them SO much. im ignoring the fact taemin just showed up on my playlist (highly recommend all of the shinee members solo stuff!!! i can absolutely give recs for my fave from each member even tho minho has like two songs to him rn but theyre both good fdkhdshf)

i always say taemin is my bias (hes adorable AND funny like... king stop my expectations are too high-) but i think im truly ot5 because all of them are so important to me. they were the first kpop group i ever listened to forever ago (sherlock (clue + note) is a legend and i love her so much), and i think dropping off shortly after getting into them (which would have been around 2015 because it was the time view came out) and then picking them a little over a year ago was genuinely like... something that really helped me out of a shitty place + hurt because i had missed the news about jonghyun entirely. but even then, i think its made me appreciate him and everything he's done so, so much. i won't get sappy but i truly love jonghyun so much and i'm glad he's no longer hurting. it'll always piss me off when people reduce him down to his death and nothing else because he was such a good person.

moving on from that before i get too emotional... i genuinely just love shinee a lot. i watched one of the shinee world concerts (IV i think?) earlier this year and its amazing how talented they were and still are. shinee truly helped pave the way and inspired so many idols and i adore them. its also fun to just watch them interact, tbh. i don't genuinely ship anyone because i find that weird, but minkey as a (platonic) pair are my faves lmao they always bicker like an old married couple but you can tell that they do love each other and are genuinely close friends.

and jinki!!! onew my beloved!!! i love him so much. he has such a warm presence and GOD his vocals... i die every time... coincidentally love phobia just came up on my playlist lmao but still!! highly recommend listening to DICE if u haven't!! the entire album itself is good but the title track is soo good <3 i always feel like i forget he's the leader of shinee because they're all so close-knit, it feels like they're all on completely equal footing even if jinki is the one leading them.

i didnt rly get into my love for taemin but genuinely i adore him. he's so, so talented both vocally and dance-wise, i love to see the difference between his stage persona (typically his solo persona lmao taemin and his slutty slutty music... <3) when he's really just this very sweet catholic man who apparently only really interacts with his group mates and a few others outside of that. he's so funny and i honestly admire every live he did where he spoke english and messed up and accepted his mistakes? like. learning a language is hard enough, especially one as fucking weird as english, but he just seems to eager to try speaking english and accepts his mistakes. i think he definitely has a very good support network both in the people helping him learn english (job-wise) and in having someone like key there to correct him (and maybe rib him a little bit--but it's all out of love). also i still think its really funny he broke into keys place to leave him a birthday cake and then proceeded to steal one of his jackets. stole my heart at the same time smh

i will stop here bc i still have two questions left on my final but !!! i will absolutely give u shinee recs if you want!! shinee has SUCH a good discography with only a few songs that are... not good at all lmao. but every group puts out some bad songs sometimes, especially when they've been around for a long time! nothing wrong w that! + i'll probs throw in recs from each member's solo career because i genuinely love a lot of their solo stuff as well <3

[ucsdvisarts2021data]

(F)eces, Urine and the truth....

From:

Cross, Brian <

b2cross@ucsd.edu

>

Sent:

Monday, May 9, 2022 7:11:28 AM

To:

Visual Arts Faculty <

va-faculty@ucsd.edu

>; Visual Arts Staff <

va-staff@ucsd.edu

>

Subject:

(F)eces, Urine and the truth....

Faculty and Staff,

Last Fridays Faculty meeting was compelling in its inadequacy.  

There was an emergency Faculty Meeting in February to discuss the merits of an inflammatory and libelous letter from nine Grads that claimed I “endanger students…” without a shred of evidence. Where everyone (I wasn't included) felt empowered to speak openly on my work, career, flaws, inadequacies but somehow last Friday we were all too uncomfortable or unwilling to contribute (when asked by Ricardo) to discuss how possibly we could accommodate an exoneration and find a method of restorative justice. This fundamentally illustrates the problems we have as a group.

If there is no process for crisis management, conflict resolution or reconciliation then there is no community. And unfortunately, if an issue comes up once with no method or blueprint for resolution then when it does (and it will) occur again then the same toxic cycles of blame and disbelief will arise making our only recourse yet another emotionally fueled witch-hunt.  

We have successfully empowered people to believe that they will benefit from rumor, hearsay, toxic and malicious behavior. This weekend was a perfect test case.

We do have issues in our Department, we do need to continuously address the most egregious and difficult of subjects in order to make relevant work. But the instrumentalization of Grads, the fermentation of malicious rumors and the development of herd mentality has stifled open and transparent discussion. This is enabled by Faculty.

Poorly conceived, problematic protocols that protect some and condemn others with no evidence enable the kind of outbursts we all received in our inboxes on Saturday.  

kalechi felt it necessary to throw my name on the “blame game” email that started off Saturday’s festivities. I absolutely and unequivocally don’t think that it was a coincidence. It seems clear that our so-called confidential discussion on Friday was not that.

To quote kalechi’s letter”… this department continues its history of not listening to the students who are concerned for their safety because of faculty members such as Brian Cross”.

kalechi’s safety accusation is repeated often, Faculty have added to it. Where is the victim?  

Where is the evidence?

Ricardo’s email chain from Sunday evening conclusively shows that kalechi was helped in as much as folks could under difficult circumstances. But as Anya points out in the thread we are “Not sure how to get students out of [the] blame game and into taking some shared responsibility for some of this stuff which impacts everyone…” I’d like to know who and what kind of conduct facilitated them getting there in the first place. Who will clean up that shit and piss?  

Now I would like to respond here specifically to the issue raised by Edith Dowsett (Love) in response to Benjamin Bratton’s first email in the thread and it refers specifically to one part of my case.  

"… not only were racist words said, [a] black student [who] was given an F with no supporting curriculum or reason given, a curriculum or reason that was never at any point provided, where no disciplinary action was then imposed, no acknowledgement of wrong doing from the faculty in question received, no clear way provided that this would not happen in the future, and a chair who covered it up by slapping a grade on top and hoping it would go away. All while black people were concurrently being shot and beaten on the street."

This “F” is an oft repeated fiction, constructed around the belligerence of a student who felt empowered to disrupt classes, insult guest speakers (Abner Sóstenes PhD) and engage in bad faith discussions which were an impediment to the learning of my other students. All communications with this student (and the relevant advisors I sought in an attempt to understand this behavior) have been kept and meticulously documented. I’m sharing a lot of these in the dropbox link below if any faculty feel it necessary to develop a deeper understanding of these interactions.  

The student in question was the only one in my Vis 202 Spring 2021 The Aesthetics of Hunger Cinema Novo and Brazilian Cinema of the 60s and 70s Seminar who did not provide me with a final project, he had four absences (which they were warned would impact their grade) and made a frankly, insulting lack of effort when offered an extension to make up their grade. After ten weeks it was clear that this student’s disdain for Brazilian Cinema Novo was merely a smokescreen for personal issues they seemed to have with myself and the aforementioned class which resulted in aggressive and uncollegial behavior disguised as discourse and debate.

I consulted with Michael Trigilio, Ruben Ortiz, Amy Adler, Anya and Kate to seek the correct response to being harassed by this student. I was advised to report him as a Student of Concern, which I did. Anya advised me to speak to the ombudsman which I did not.  

I was advised when he complained in Mandeville by Amy and Laura (and Ruben) to change my Grade, a U (Unsatisfactory) for clarification not an F.  

I said I had no reason to. Amy, the previous Chair, pleaded with me, "This could go very wrong, You are very brave..." in an effort to dissuade me from grading this ‘project’ as honestly as I wished to, but I said no as it wasn’t  fair to the other grads and would’ve felt disingenuous as a teacher responsible for honoring the standards that had been set for my class.

This issue was later brought to Ricardo as the new chair who carefully heard the case and supported my decision as a Professor.  

After much deliberation Ricardo proposed a settlement which included the student writing an appreciation of Adrian Piper (see dropbox, basically some threats with zero relationship to Cinema Novo and little to Piper either in fairness) and he (Ricardo) would award the (S) Grade as opposed to me. In this way the situation was thought to be resolved with some measure of responsibility to both parties.  

The student however, still felt slighted.  

Subsequently the student, has greatly inflamed an already toxic environment. He is one of the engineers of February's letter and I have had many reports of his calling me a racist and repeating his story of being denied the grade he so badly wanted but wouldn’t do the required work to get. I have heard reports that they have been part of derisive discussions with (and it is this that deeply disturbs me) Faculty discussing that my presence here is "bad optics for the Department, as a white man with a career made from photographing black bodies".  

I have been investigated for fourteen months by the Office for the Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination regarding accusations that seem to have inflamed this tide of bad will towards me. The Investigation began in June of 2020 right after our Retreat on Anti-Blackness, but was brought to my attention in January of 2021. I have been interviewed for four hours and had to review and respond to forty pages of witness testimony. I have had to use my Medical Leave to alleviate the stress and anxiety caused by the falsehoods within the Investigation and in this public letter. And I have been acquitted on all charges by OPHD.

If OPHD is a body that is trusted to have integrity in the process of such investigations, and we are concerned with the protection of those involved then: the confidentiality of this investigation would have been respected.  The result of the investigation would be accepted. This case would have been handled in a measured and unbiased manner befitting the integrity of all involved parties. As it stands it seems that it was merely a formality to prove the assumption of guilt of certain parties. Failing that, it seems there’s an intriguing lack of respect for the processes and protocols by which we may pursue justice at this university. Not least interesting because it seems to come from the parties who initiated these processes in the first place.  

I didn’t speak on Friday; I held my peace. But Saturday morning just as Jordan Crandell predicted on Friday, I knew there would be consequences for my exoneration.  

It is strange, unprofessional, disturbing and appalling to understand that there are Faculty who in public forums here have used the terms "sexual assault" in regard to my case. To the extent that even on Friday, some Faculty have falsely suggested that there may be more cases against me. This, to be clear, is slanderous and libelous. I reached out to Michael Diaz at OPHD on Friday after our meeting and he was amazed that such accusations would be made and explained that there are no investigations open against me. The same person who raised that issue also suggested that the letter from the Grads was “generous”. Ignoring the obvious insult, I would like to say for the record that a large majority of these grads do not actually have a personal grievance with me or my work. They instead appear to be prompted in their outrage by dubiously credible sources about false encounters and incidents which I’m shocked they seem to have had the details of - as according to the rules and procedures of OPHD, these details were intended to remain confidential.  

I am also aware that some Grads were harassed, intimidated and pressured into signing the letter which circulated in February. It has been intimated that any dissenting voices have been met with further outrage, disdain and exclusion. It has also been noted that less than five of you, my own fellow faculty members, have reached out to me to even enquire if I was ok.  

No one from my own part of the Department. I am very grateful to those who reached out and to Ricardo who for his efforts has now found himself painted with the same brush that tars me.

I have been acutely unwell as a result of the last year, the result of living within a tumble dryer of spurious investigations, rumors, toxic behavior, public attacks and half-truths. My family have suffered, I have suffered. I feel disdain, even hate in my work-place.

And yet we go on.  

Here is a link to my correspondence with the aforementioned student, so that those of you who are completely out of the loop can examine it for yourselves.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/5w621ctpitv70dawzzr4h/h?dl=0&rlkey=cqbjieii3usktbk7hbk4czv7q

If any of you are interested in reading the OPHD report detailing why and how they failed to find any proof of me “creating a climate of sexism and racism” - feel free to reach out on the side and I will share it. I am legally allowed to do so with those I feel it is pertinent to and given the public letter from Grads to everyone in the Department, I believe that is all of us. Ricardo and I both got clarification from OPHD on this.

As a last note a close friend and scholar went to kalechi’s opening and performance on Saturday night. kalechi read their letter from this morning before their performance. When they got to the line about me many in the audience led a chant of “Fuck him, Fuck him…” which went on for quite a bit. I hope those of you that were there are aware that this conduct is being witnessed by more than just our department. If this is what is considered appropriate behavior by a community of scholars under the guidance and tutelage of this faculty, if this is representative of whatever amounts to restorative justice here, then the shit and piss is the least of our problems.  

Furthermore, kalechi has posted the letter to social media and now many former students have reached out asking what is going on?

I sincerely hope that the information provided here can cast a new light on the events of the past weekend and well for me the past fourteen months. I ask you who is benefiting from this?  

Who exactly stands to gain from this, and what exactly do they gain?  

Kindest regards,

b

[theonethatcouldhavebeen]

hesitations

Hey there.

Since I am at a quite fragile, rebellious, emotional and melodramatic phase of my life, today, people around me can't be trusted so easily. I have strict parents and I possibly don't think that they would be very happy to know about my boring and confusing love life.

So here I am and i am going to write all about it.

If ya'll find me and my life interesting enough, please do visit my posts often.

I am 17 years old. And the reason that I am here sharing some unforgettable moments which occurred in my life instead of telling my friends is because of the most obvious and complicated thing of all. TRUST.

When I was 16 years old, and was in school, I had a crush on a boy for like 3 years. Or maybe 2. I didn't exactly know when I started to like him, but it warmed my heart when he used to send me good morning and good night texts every single day. It was during lockdown in 2020 when we started to bond. We used to chat all day long, in between classes and cover up for each other when one wasn't paying attention to the teacher.

But when we came to school physically like after a year or so, he walked right by me and i was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe he would do such a horrible thing to me. I tried talking to him for the rest of day but he kept cutting me off. I was really pissed off. I got home and saw his message saying that his friends would have started teasing us and it would have ruined our friendship. Anyways, we eventually came out of that awkward phase and entered 10th grade. Now the toxic friend comes in the picture. In my friend group, i Hadn't told anybody about my feelings for him because i wasn't sure enough. You know sometimes its just like a stupid attraction and goes away after a few weeks. Now, I wouldn't have imagined that these stupid feeling would stay in my heart for 2 damn years. I think my friends noticed the way I looked at him. They kinda shipped us, but i warned them not to overdo it due to his insecurity of losing close ones. There was this one friend who got a small crush on him and i was like VERY VERY jealous. I was so mad and sad at the same time that I stopped talking to him. this went on for nearly 2 months. This was because my FRIEND was brave enough to reveal that she has a crush on him and the next thing you know is everybody is shipping them. One day after games period, he sat beside me. I turned around, my back facing him. He called me 4 times and when I didn't listen he just twirled the chair around pulling it towards his. I was a little flustered and couldn't meet his eyes, since I was afraid of bawling out my eyes right in front of him. He urged me to look him in the eyes with a husky voice. As I lifted up my head and glanced at him, he was all sweaty from playing football and his face was completely red due the scorching summer heat. The scene made my heart skip a beat. I tried to sound unbothered and asked him, "What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something." He said.

"Go on." I replied still acting cool not noticing the stares my FRIEND gave me.

"What's with the long face huh? You don't laugh much either nowadays. I think there is a misunderstanding which I need to clear."

"And that is?"

"There is nothing going on with me and your FRIEND. You know the boys; they just start teasing me for fun. And the reason that I don't deny their teasing is because I know that nothing, I can say will stop them. They will just round up my words and start a dumb rumor."

"Okay. And why are you telling me this?"

There was a long pause. I could almost see my FRIEND staring at us smugly. He stuttered, "Uhm, Uh, you are my friend, and I think that was something you should now so that you don't get the wrong idea."

"Okay then. Noted." I smiled a little grateful for his consideration.

But I was still depressed that he indeed saw me only as a friend. It was just extremely tough to accept the truth and tears formed in my eyes.

"Why are there tears in your eyes?" he asked while chuckling.

"Oh you know, I got it from my mother. In any type of extreme emotion, tears tend to come. It's inconvenient. Every time I laugh I have to remove my glasses to wipe them. Haha." I said, still in a dull voice smiling a little.

"Whenever you explain this situation to anyone, you always laugh heartily while saying it. You aren't now. Who knows. That could be your actual tears." A voice said which didn't belong to my crush.

{Lets call my crush A and the other boy B for convenience.}

"I looked back and saw B staring at us while wiping off the sweat. There was a unknown tension in the air which I failed to understand and just smiled at what he said.

B was with me from the very beginning. I joined the school when I was in 2nd grade and since then B was always in my class. Our class was shuffled thrice. Still here we were. Together even after 9 years. He knew me quite well.

Nevertheless, currently I am in touch with A. I am studying for an entrance exam for med school. I stay in the coaching classes for like more than half of the day. I cut off contact from other fake friends. So, I only talk to A once in a while. In a friendly way of course.

I joined the classes early to get a head start for my preparation so I was shifted to the ADVANCED BATCH. That class was filled with ambitious, smart, focused people. It created a very serious and healthy atmosphere for studying.

We were like 8 girls and other 24 were boys. All of them we really very smart and born talented. It was hard for me to compete with them. Afterall I was an average student. Not some extraordinary child.

Now what I didn't expect was to create a liking towards the topper of our batch. It was a start of something new exciting but I knew how it was going to end. He was out of my league.

Tall, handsome, dark hairs, beautiful eyes, long hands and a gentle smile.

He belonged to the Muslim community, and I belonged to the Hindu community. I knew, that I should get rid of my feelings as soon as possible, because him and me were not gonna happen. However, my heart always acted otherwise.

I liked making people laugh so I used to crack a lot of jokes. He used to eavesdrop once in a while (as noticed by my friends and sometimes myself) and laughed at every one of my jokes of which he heard. It came as a shock because he was not one of those who would laugh that easily. He always had a serious aura. He used to mess around with his friends, but would never approach any girl.

At first, I was quite happy and proud of my sense of humor that I made such a cold boy laugh. But as time went by I found myself wanting to talk to him.

There were some moments of "eye contact" but I didn't think of anything since it could have been just a coincident glance at each other.

I still remember the first time I talked to him. I went to ask him a biology doubt and ended up mispronouncing a word 3 times. Whilst I struggled with the word, he just laughed at me. To be honest I am still embarrassed of this memory.

Many a times he would sit behind me during the self-study sessions. He wasn't the type of person who sat behind girls.

Once, he needed a particular book set (Book set 6). He asked some of his friends and none had that. When he approached me, I checked my bad and saw that exact book lying there. I believe it was fate. While going home I asked how much more time he needed the book since I needed to get home, he asked for 3 minutes.

A man who is punctual about his time. You must think I am weird, but as a medical aspirant that is really hot of him.

As he returned the book, he jokingly said, "At least write your name on the book. You never know the people around you nowadays." And with that gave a sweet smile and walked away.

I was too stunned to see him talking so casually to me for the first time and that smile. Oh god. Literally no words came out as I watched him go into the classroom (he was sitting outside the room for some time)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned for further story. I will write them as the events happen in my life. Thank you for staying till here. I would love if ya'll get interactive. In a non-toxic way of course.

However, if I catch someone detoxifying themselves here, I will make sure to dish one right back. Have a good day!

[waglifeornolife]

https://www.tumblr.com/waglifeornolife/735949019656978432/ugh-im-so-fucking-pissed-rn-highschool

Sorry that it is long <33

Okay so I thought I’d further justify my reasoning for trying to like get her back even further because I’ve done all my school work and I’m bored now. A bit of backstory(her and her boo are childhood friends and like they first went out for like a day in year seven and she has used this as the reason for most of the things she did with him and for him?

Okay let’s start off with the first crack in the glass all the way back in 2020.

I told her I had a crush on one of our guy friends and we would always discuss that and stuff. Long story short they went out until like nov/dec 2021. But I let it slide because I kinda just wanted to get through life at that point in time and also both him and her were my good friends back then.

Okay then let’s fast forward to like September 2021(IK timeline is a bit weird but they broke up quite a bit) and people were coming up to her asking if she liked this other boy who was like one of the “popular girls” boyfriend and she went no. SHE COULD HAVE LEFT IT AT “NO” but noooo she had to say liked someone else🙄🙄 who was also a “popular person” like wow well done. Also she’s like always been an attention whore. For example during all of this, she would always lock herself in the school toilet and fake cry and say she was cutting herself(the reason why I knew she was faking everything is because we all shared a pe changing room and like I’d like look over the bathroom stall to make sure she was okay and she would be fake sniffling). Like shes such an attention seeker ugh.

Anyways so let’s talk a bit about her boo.

They’ve known each other forever but like everyone and their mother would tell you that he is the worst creature to ever successfully sneak their way onto planet earth. And he is/was/is an awful person like he always slut shames people (including her) and like he’s been a bully like he bullied me but like I have too much on him now so he has to keep his mouth shut. And he made like a snap private story where he would always put a story after he’d masturbated and the private story only had girls on it. Um Yh hes like an awful person to other people as well but I could be here all day discussing him.

So back to her.

Let’s fast forward to middle/end of of 2022 she gets a crush on this girl in our school and they start chatting as friends. Turns out every secret she told that girl, she would tell the guy(okay I’m gonna give people code names now,the girl that I want to exposes code name is Benny,the girl she had a crush on is snake and lets call Benny’s boo boat) So Benny would tex snake but boat was tryna go out with snake and Benny at the same time so sane would tell boat what Benny said but boat and Benny were kinda texting flirting anyway.

So we all found out about what boat was doing so him and Benny didn’t text for a bit until like January this year (omg this is where it just started getting worse I still don’t know why she got with him or why so much fucking happened). So they started texting a lot more and we were all advising against it but she would always say “don’t you want me to be happy🥺” 🙄. So we just let it be(because they were a situationship and to be fair I kind of didn’t want to be friends with her at this point either because she’d already done soooooooo much in the past 3years I just couldn’t handle anymore). So in like July they met up at the park a few times and she gave him a handjob once or whatever and um idk what happened after that but her whole persona changed (you see ONE sock and you think you’re the fucking shit🙄) and she started acting exactly like him. She was taking cheap shots at everyone and she would tell us not to judge her for doing things and saying things but she would judge me and the rest of our friend group forgetting excited over things we were happy about (like Taylor swift or like getting grades or going out in a friend group) (OMG I FORGOT TO MENTION ON VALENTINES DAY WE WERE ALL SUPPOSED TO GO OUT TO DINNER TOGETHER AND WE BOOKED IT MONTHS IN ADVANCE AT THIS FANCY ASS PLACE AND SHE CANCELLED TO GO OUT WITH BOAT TO THE PAR FOR THIRTY MINUTES LIKE WHAT??). Anyways, like I was saying she completely changed and she didn’t really care about school and stuff anymore. And like her and boat when to the park again and she sucked him off this time (thing is she has this like whole thing where she makes it a big deal where she doesn’t want to do anything before marriage and she basically slutshamed people for doing things like that until she started doing them) but like after she sucked him off he was acting really weird like he was either acting super desperate over text or like constantly reminding her they weren’t actually together(he even said if she went to speak with him in school he’d laugh in her face) so I told her to stop seeing(for the billionth time) and to just swear off boys until exams are over but she just super angry at me and started yelling at me saying how I would never understand what they have and how it’s like (like I can’t understand a toxic situationship). And like she did end up “breaking up with him” but I new she was lying and she was because she told me they’d been texting that whole day and that she can’t let him go and that she loves him (I seriously wanted to laugh). But like I was vomiting and stuff one day so I couldn’t come in and I see a text in the gc telling Benny to “be safe later” and I was asking why she had to “be safe” and she said she was meeting boat at the park. And I had had enough at that point so I didn’t say anything until her boo was like sending rude things in the gc directed towards me and was saying Offenes or shit. So I confronted her about and she said “he didn’t know it would hurt you” and bullshit like that. She even confessed to writing some of the things. So I stopped being friends with her at that point but still had to hang out with her because my friends are(were now) her friends(they opened their eyes).

So she broke up with him (fr this time but I still call him her boo because she was just soo persistent on keeping him). But I found out like a few weeks ago that boat was actually texting another girl at the time that Benny and him were together but when I told her she already and was telling POPULAR GIRLS IN OUR YEAR EVERYTHING SHE WENT THROUGH BUT WITH LEAVING OUT DETAILS ABOUT HOW MUCJ HER EX FRIENDS WARNED HER TO NOT GO. Omg she had the never to come up to me to tell me that they told her the exact same things I told her and she listened to them. So like my friends (the ones that were neutral through this whole thing) were like discussing it too and we’re also like “Yh this is a bit rude” because they warned her too and she’s acting like they didn’t.

Extra reasons:

1)she’s a privileged little bitch who is super rude to her mother

2)she talks shit about everyone and has parasocial relationships with them and acts like she knows them

3) she literally said billions of times that she’s not straight but now she all of a sudden she is (because boys don’t really find it desirable if a girl is anymore) she also says that the girl she like is an exception and she only has wet dreams and fantasies about her and other girls but god forbid she ever got near one

3) whenever I’d try and bring up a serious matter that’s like happening in the world she would tell me that not everything is about race/politics

4)she gets “boycott fatigue” (I think that explains itself)

5)she always gossips like there will be no consequences

6)she’s a manipulative bitch

7)she’s super condescending

8)when she first gave head,she tried to pressure everyone else in our group to but nine of did. She knew I had this crush in some guy so when she got the chance she got someone to start spreading rumours around about that

9)she hates when people have friends that are outside the friend group that she doesn’t know

10) she’s made me lose loads of friends by playing victim in every scenario

11) she printed out a fake marriage certificate and tried to get our friend who’s a boy to sign it and she got pissed when he didn’t

12) she hyper sexualises boys in our year group and says all crazy things

13) she rats out people’s secrets for a little bit of popularity and attention

14)she openly makes fun of people for what they eat and wear

15)she’s just not the type of person people should have to deal with

babe, she sounds to toxic!! the ex too, i kinda feel bad for her when it comes to that but my god, i’m so glad you aren’t friends with her any more! it sounds to me that whatever you say to people, she’s gonna twist it and play the victim, so maybe confront her about everything you’ve told me first, make sure your friends are aware of what you’re doing and make sure they’re there, so that they can back you up, but make sure that the girl is on her own when you talk to her so that she doesn’t have an alibi to back up whatever she’d twist it into.

the girl sounds like a right bully, i had a girl similar at my school growing up, she was so nasty to everyone until a few of us eventually stuck up for ourselves and she realised that the person she’s trying to be isn’t a person that people like. bitchiness like that has no age limit so stamping it out now will be the best thing you can do 🫶🏼

[ellsellmesoull]

seeing a lot of yt vids abt scammers and their tactics and most of the comments are just calling the people who get scammed idiots

But guys come on, if you call them idiots your just validating them more

They're gonna think ''everyone else thinks this is dumb because they're not on my level, i'll show them soon enough''

And idont think people really understand how easy it is to get manipulated

Ok storytime

When I was in 6th grade, our school had this festival thing that the principle promotes like once or twice a year.

And all the different classes set up stalls selling everything from food to books toys anything you name it

And you could bring money and enjoy a whole day

And I was very excited because this was my first time since I moved to that school

And in my class, there was this girl who I was friends?(more than acquaintances) who came up w an idea

Lets all pile in our money and she'll carry it so if some one is too poor to afford something we could all help them out.

Shes like if someone cant afford much they're gonna be sad when they see everyone else enjoying and we were all friends so we didn't want to make our friends sad

But then she says, if you don't have enough to enjoy then this will help you

And now we are in the picture. Each of us saw us as the person without enough money. And she did a good job convincing us.

30AED? I bought 150AED and im willing to buy stuff less cus when we share and spend money equally, ill get wayy less money than I bought with me.

So like 5or 6 of us group together and pile in the money.

Now I got suspicious. But we were having fun and I saw her as a friend so I naively trusted her. And I was alone.

I was the new girl. No one else to hangout with and if I do this, I got a group to hangout with alldayy.

But another girl stopped me, and I should've listened but I was too caught up ecstatic that I ignored her. She didn't call me an idiot but warned me but I was an idiot and didn't think much of it.

Until...we got seperated. The scammer girl kept ALL the money in her purse and when you wanna buy something you gotta ask her.

Halfway walking with her I realised this was a bad idea. Cus everytime we wanted to buy something, she would complain that it was too expensive. What if someone else wants something but cant buy cus you used too much money for yourself.

Eventually I managed to wrangle a used toy for my sis and found the girl who warned me.

I cried for a good while. And she was very comforting.

And then together we decided to confront the scammer. But by the time we found her, she was alone and used all our money. So she cannot refund me. And everyone else was also equally pissed off.

Because while everyone else got something cheap, scammer girl was the one who bought wayy more than her budget because she leached off of ours.

So you I WAS an idiot. And stupid for not seeing it coming.

But the thing is, if you call someone an idiot for falling into the scams and enjoy them suffering cus of it like they are no better than the people who scammed them, that's not helping.

You should be attacking the scammers not the victims. You could call them idiots after the scammer is x-x

Better to raise awareness, or in our case sic the class teacher on the scammer.(that's a metaphor for contacting authorities to take action).

[just-jordie-things]

Bite Me - Mike Wheeler

word count: 4052 warnings: swearing, unedited and poorly written summary: Mike has harbored a crush on (y/n) since the day they met.  And all it takes is a run-in with Billy Hargrove for him to lose his shit and let his feelings be known. (a/n): I just randomly felt the need to write for one of my best boys

___

(y/n) (y/l/n) was a sweet girl. If you asked anyone they’d tell you how kind she is, to everyone she meets.  From giving out homework answers when someone forgot, to sharing her lunch, she’d lend a hand no matter who you were.  She was a good person, and that’s why Mike was so in love with her.

He had been ever since she’d joined the Party, back in the fourth grade.  She’d been bringing in an extra juice box and snack for two weeks, just for Will, and the four boys agreed unanimously to offer her a spot in their group.  Mike can still remember the look on her face, the wide grin that showed off her recently lost tooth, and the way she’d giggled and agreed instantly.

They taught her D&D, she was invited into Will’s fort, and taken in by Joyce as one of her own.  She was truly one of them.

She didn’t look at him like everyone else did, it’s one of the first things he’d noticed about her, and he could see it every time their eyes met.  That annoyed expression that he was used to receiving -from peers, from his parents, even Nancy, even their friends- he’d grown so accustomed to it, until he’d met her.

“Fuck you! Fuck you!” Mike was shouting, about to lunge towards Steve, before (y/n) and Dustin grabbed his arms to yank him back.  “We can’t just stay here and-”

“That’s exactly what we’re doing!” Steve shouted back, shoving a scolding finger in the younger boy’s face.  “We’re staying here, so I can keep you dipshits safe!”

Steve rolled his eyes before spinning around to leave.  Nothing stressed him out like these kids.

“Come on, we’ll figure something else out” (y/n) said quietly, and tugged on Mike’s arm a little more.  

His glare softened when he turned to her.

She nods her head off to the side, prompting him to walk off with her.  He groaned, but he followed when she pulled him towards the living room.  Her hand didn’t let go of his wrist until they were away from everyone else.

“You know nothing you could say right now is gonna make me less pissed off-”

“I know,” (y/n) giggles before he can start ranting again.  “But maybe you can just take a breath and pretend to calm down?” She hums, and she laughs again.

Mike groans loudly, loud enough that everyone in the house could hear him, before he threw himself down onto the sofa.

(y/n) just shook her head, and sat next to him.

“Steve’s just trying to keep us safe, Mike,” She says, voice just as soft, but a bit more serious now.  “He’s not doing this to make you mad, you get that, right?”

He nods, but hangs his head in his hands.

“Are you… um… upset because El’s out there?” She asked unsurely.

She had a pretty good feeling that Mike had a crush on Eleven.  He was distraught when she left, and since she’d come back (a few hours ago) he’s been extremely on edge.  Hence the pouting right now.

“I guess,” He shrugged.  “I just- I want to just-”

“I know,” (y/n) murmurs again.  “I get it”

She admired Mike’s need to help, to get involved.  He was brave, if not a little reckless as well.  But there was something sweet about his extreme need to help.  Even though she was still convinced he was only wired this way because of his crush on Eleven.

Mike looked over to her, finding that loving look on her face.  His favorite expression -maybe even his favorite thing- and it somehow calmed him down a bit.  She smiled when he hadn’t started grumbling again.

“You good now?” She asked.

“Yeah,” He sighed.  “I’ll be fine”

She grinned, and poked his cheek affectionately before getting up from the couch.  

“I’m gonna get a glass of water and make sure Steve’s calmed down too,” She told him.  “Guess I’m the only sane one around here”

He laughed a bit as she left the room.

“Steve?” (y/n) called gently as she approached her older friend.

He turned to her, an unamused, and rather annoyed, look on his face.

“You alright?”

“I will be, once I’m in a retirement home and have restraining orders placed on all of you,” He answered, making the girl laugh.  “Your boyfriend calm down yet?” He asked, and her laughter stopped almost instantly.

Steve was chuckling now at how red her cheeks were turning.

“He’s not-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, heard it before, pretended to believe it before, whatever,” He said, and (y/n) busied herself with getting a drink.  “Now’s as good a time as any to just, you know, confess.  You’re stuck here anyways”

“No I… I can’t um…” She shakes her head, staring down at the bottle of water she’d grabbed from the fridge.  “I can’t do that” She finished weakly.

Steve had known (y/n) for a few years now.  He’d met her the first night he’d hung out with Nancy in the Wheeler home, she’d been there with Mike coming up with a new character for D&D.  His first impression, as it was for all of the kids, was that she was a geek.  And she was, but she was a lot of other things too, and what stood out the most to him was her kindness.  She didn’t exactly fit in with the Party like the boys seemed to.  Not only because she was a girl, but because she was… friendly.

Mike wasn’t cruel to Steve by any means, but he was a snarky little shit that sometimes made Steve just want to-

“Why the hell do you like that little asshole so much anyways?”

(y/n) was still blushing as she shrugged her shoulders.

He’d picked up on her little crush one of the first times she’d met him.  He called her out on it right away too, luckily only Dustin had heard, and he’d laughed it off, thinking it was a joke.

It wasn’t.

“He’s such a piece of shit,” Steve said through a laugh, earning a pointed glare from (y/n).  “Obviously he doesn’t treat you the same way he treats, well, everyone else”

“No, he doesn’t,” (y/n) sighed lovingly.  

Her eyes glanced out to the living room, where Mike and Lucas were heatedly, and quietly, arguing.  She rolled her eyes at the sight, not that it surprised her.

“He’s very, um-”

“Sweet on you?” Steve supplied, earning another look, which quickly turned into a nervous smile.  “Yeah, that’s how I’d put it.  I don’t know why you’re being such a baby about it.  He obviously has a little crush on you too,” Steve said, wagging his finger around in her face.  “Otherwise he wouldn’t be such a little gentleman towards you”

(y/n) didn’t say anything else, but she didn’t have to for Steve to know how she felt.  He’d always known.  She didn’t do a great job at hiding it, but her friends, and Mike for that matter, were oblivious.

They were interrupted by a bright light shining in through the windows, bright enough that she shielded her eyes as she wandered out to the large picture window.

“Who is that?” She asked, as everyone gathered around to figure out who could show up at the Byers’ house right now.

Their question was quickly answered.

“Sinclair!”

The angry, dangerous voice sent a shiver all the way down (y/n’s) spine, before an uneasy feeling settled in her stomach.  Billy Hargrove was bad news, but him being here, right now, was even worse.

“Stay inside” Steve ordered, shoving the kids down underneath the window.

“I know you’re in there!” Billy screamed again from outside.

“Stay inside” Steve repeated, before walking out of the house.

“What the fuck does he think he’s gonna do?” Lucas asked, as everyone peeked their heads up just enough so they could see what was going on outside.

“He’s gonna fight him” Dustin said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

“He’ll lose,” Max mumbled.  All eyes turned to her, but her gaze was trained on her brother, afraid.  “He’ll kill him”

“He’ll be okay,” (y/n) whispered to her new friend.  “Steve’s a tough guy, and can throw a punch-”

“I’m not so sure he can take one, though” Max said.

(y/n) frowned, and set a comforting hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“We’ll be alright” She assured, even though she wasn’t certain what was going to happen.

Steve was now walking down to Billy, who was still yelling, but they couldn’t make out what exactly.

“What’s he saying?” Mike hissed, only to get shushed by Dustin, thus starting a ‘shh!’ war.

(y/n) only let it go on until Billy shoved Steve back by his shoulders.

“Boys!” She scolded, sitting up a little straighter as the fight outside escalated.

Just as she’d sat up, Mike grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her back down.

“You want to get seen and murdered?” He whisper screamed.  She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide her sweet smile.  His brow furrowed at her smile, but he wasn’t quick enough to say anything about it, as everyone’s attention was pulled back to the scene outside.

Billy had shoved Steve to the ground, and was racing up to the house now.  He locked eyes with the Party, who all quickly leaned down as low to the floor as they could get.

“Lucas, run!” Max screamed, shoving the boy to haul ass before her brother could storm in and get his hands on him.

When the door swung open so hard it slammed against the wall, Mike grabbed (y/n) by both arms and just about ripped them out of their sockets as he pulled her upwards with him to get her as far fucking away from Billy as possible.

“We have to help Lucas!” She tried telling him while he dragged her off to the other side of the house.  “Mike!” She shoved his hands off of her, and gave him a pleading look.  “This isn’t like you, come on, he needs our-”

“Where are you, Sinclair!? Come on out!”

She ran away from Mike before he could convince her to hide.

Finding Lucas shoved up against the wall, something in her clicked.  Billy’s significantly larger framed towered over the boy, who was clearly afraid, while Billy snarled nasty things right in his face.

“Why don’t you just fuck off?” She yelled at him, before thinking through the consequences of her actions.

Dustin and Mike stared at her in shock.  She didn’t curse much, so to hear the foul word come out in her voice was… pretty out of character.

Just as Billy whirled around, likely about to send one knockout punch to her face, Lucas took his moment of distraction to knee him right between the legs.  (y/n) squealed, both hands covering her mouth in surprise.

It was then that she took Mike’s advice to run back into the kitchen, and duck down behind the cabinets so she was out of sight.  

“You’re fucking dead!” Billy howled in pain, and while every bone in (y/n’s) body told her to cover her ears, close her eyes, and stay hidden, she peeked around the corner anyways.

“No,” A different voice, a calm voice, a familiar voice, spoke up.

(y/n) had never been so relieved to see Steve in her whole life.

“You are” He finished, and took a strong swing of his fist against Billy’s jaw.

The crack that resonated made her wince, and she shut her eyes only for a moment as illy toppled backwards.  He didn’t fall, and instead swung back at Steve, starting a very violent fistfight in the Byers’ kitchen.

“Come on, you gotta move” A pair of arms encircled her torso and helped her up from the ground.  

Mike’s hands were much more gentle with her now than they had been a few minutes ago, and this time she let him bring her out to the living room, away from the fight.

Her eyes were wide with fear as she watched Billy throw Steve around the kitchen effortlessly.  It was terrifying, she felt as though she was about to see him get killed.

When he landed a rather harsh punch, right under Steve’s chin, she cried out for him.

Steve crumbled to the ground, definitely knocked unconscious.  He looked dead, though, and as the thought crossed her mind, she felt it again.  The snap.  Like an instinct buried deep was just let loose.

“You motherfucking piece of shit!” She screamed in a way that Mike, or any of them, had ever heard before, and was charging at Billy in an instant.

It was a hasty decision, grabbing the beautiful vase of flowers off of Joyce Byers’ table and throwing it full force at the back of Billy’s head.

While his head was soaked, and definitely bleeding from the shards of glass, he still managed to stay standing, and was fuming with anger as he glared down at (y/n).

“You made a big mistake little girl” He growled, and began to stalk towards her in a threatening manner.

“Bite me” She snarled back at him, followed by the rash decision to spit on him.

“(y/n) what the hell are you-!?”

Mike’s warning was cut off when Billy reached her, and she kicked him with all the force she could right in the gut.  He grunted, but it hardly slowed him down.  All she could see was red as she kicked him again, and began to throw her fists against his chest.

She didn’t have an ‘oh fuck’ moment until he grabbed her wrists in his large hands, and kept his hold so firm that tears welled in her eyes from the pressure.

“I’m gonna fucing kill you, little girl” He snarled, teeth bared right in her face.

Oh, fuck.

She tried to yank her body backwards, out of his grip, but he was faster, and stronger, and bigger than her.  This resulted in her being thrown, no, slammed into the nearest wall.  She cried at the crack of her skull against it, but had no time to react as Billy’s fist was all she could see, before it struck her and knocked her out instantaneously.

She fell like a limp, broken thing, and even when Mike grabbed her and shook her by her shoulders, she remained unconscious.  It didn’t matter that Billy was still looking for blood, he pulled her into his lap and held her close against his chest.  He was living a delusion thinking he could protect either of them if Billy came back for more, but he didn’t care.  He was gonna keep her safe now.

Max had plunged the syringe into her brother’s neck, and was threatening him with Steve’s bat, but Mike hardly paid them any attention.

“(y/n), wake up, come on,” His voice was barely a mumble, and he hated to admit it but his throat was growing hot and tight with his tears choking him up.  “C-come on open your eyes” He stuttered.

He pushed her hair out of her face so that it wouldn’t get sticky from the blood running out of her nose.  He wiped away the red substance with his sleeve, not bothered by it at all.

“We’re going!” Lucas called, and rushed over to Mike to help him carry her.  “Dustin Will and Max are getting Steve in the back.  I’ll help you with her”

Mike didn’t have time to question anything Lucas had just said, and hastily went along with the plan.  They looped (y/n’s) arms over both of their shoulders, and made their way out to Billy’s car. ___

Everything.

Hurt.

It was the first thing that (y/n) was aware of when she came to.  Her legs, her arms, her torso, her head-

Oh shit my head hurts.

She groaned softly, reaching a shaky hand up to prod around her eye.  She wasn’t exactly sure why, but it was definitely bruised.  The rest of her body had to have been bruised too.

She suddenly shot upward as the car went over a bump, and that’s when she realized she was even in a car.  Why was she in a car…?

Her head rolled against the seat, and she was met with someone’s shoulder against her cheek.  She winced at the pressure, probably because her cheek was bruised and bleeding.

“(y/n)?” A gentle, but distant voice called.  It sounded kind of hazy, like the person talking was miles away, and not right next to her.  “Hey, can you hear me?”

Her eyes met Mike’s round and worried brown ones, and a lazy smile tugged on the edges of her lips.  Even though his brow was furrowed, and there was a deep frown on his lips.

“What happened?” She asked, voice scratchy and quiet.

“What happened?” Mike repeated, much louder than he intended.  She flinched, and while an apologetic look swept over his face, he didn’t apologize.  “(y/n), you attacked Billy Hargrove” He told her in a grave tone.

“I did?” She asked proudly, her smile returning.

“No- don’t- jesus (y/n) what the hell are you on?” He asked.  “He almost killed you, I mean, look at you!”

“Can you please stop yelling dipshit?” Max called from the front.  “I’m trying to focus here!”

(y/n’s) eyes widened, and it dawned on her that Max was the one driving.  But just as she opened her mouth to protest being in the car right now, Mike continued on with his angry little rant.

“I mean, seriously, what the hell, (y/n/n)? Did you think you were gonna win? Did you really think that you were gonna take him down?”

Her brow crinkled and her eyes welled with tears, both from all the pain and his cruel words.

“Do you even realize that he could’ve killed you? Huh? I mean, I really thought he did for a second.  Do you even care?”

“What’s your problem right now?” The girl whimpered

“You are! You’re my problem,” He said, not thinking through the fact that she was crying right now.  “That was really stupid (y/n), really reckless”

“Oh, because you care so much about playing it safe,” She scoffed.

It was getting awkward for the others in the car, minus Steve, who was still knocked out.

“All you wanted to do tonight was to get out there- well- well here we are, Mike!” She shouted.  It hurt her head to yell, and Max was yelling again too, but she drowned it out.  “Hope you’re freakin’ happy” She mumbled, holding her hands against the side of her head.

Mike sighed, and pulled her hands away from her face, staring at her seriously.

“(y/n)...” He said softly.  “I’m sorry it’s just…” He let out one more heavy breath to prepare himself before diving in.  “Look at yourself (y/n), you’re hurt and there’s- there’s nothing I can do about it”

(y/n’s) brow furrowed as she stared back at him.

“What do you mean?” She mumbled weakly.

“I mean I- you… I have to… ugh” He groaned, clearly frustrated by his inability to form a coherent thought.

“You have to… what?” She hummed, face leaning around his shoulder tiredly.  

They were close enough that their whispers were only heard by them.  And somehow, it felt like they were the only people in the car.

“Mike?” She whispered when he hadn’t said anything yet.

His eyes flickered over her battered face.  The black eye, her split lip, her bruised and cut cheek, his heart broke looking at how much pain she must be in right now.  He couldn’t believe he let this happen.

“...protect you” He answered lamely.

“Protect me?” She repeats, soft, and loving.  “From what?”

“Apparently everything from interdimensional monsters to senior year bullies” He said, making her laugh softly.

“You don’t have to do that,” She said with a small shake of her head.  “I’m alright, I will be anyways.  You don’t have to worry so much about me-”

“See I do though- you- you make it impossible not to worry.  I’m just always- I’m a mess, okay?”

She giggled again, and rose a brow.

“I’m not following…you sound kinda crazy Mike-”

“I love you, okay?” He told her.

She choked.

“And I just need you to not get yourself hurt… okay?”

She’d never heard him speak so quietly, so nervously.

“You- you’re- um-”

“No more fighting people- and-and things- bigger than you, deal?”

His hands cupped around her face, thumb stroking over the bruise on her cheekbone in a comforting sort of way.  She swore she was melting into his touch, for a moment she forgot all about the agony her body was in.

She didn’t think twice about leaning off his shoulder so she could reach up and plant her lips against his.  It’s a gentle kiss, because her lips are sore and she was a bit nervous.  

Mike’s eyes widened, and he was sure this wasn’t real.  No, it couldn’t be real, there was no way (y/n) was kissing him.  Maybe he was the one that got knocked out? And this is all some kind of twisted nightmare-dream?

But it was real, she was kissing him.  And it was… wow it was great.

She’d almost pulled away, but he pulled her right back in, and shut his eyes to kiss her properly this time.

If he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to just take her and pour every ounce of love he had for her into this kiss, but it would probably only hurt her more.

They were cut off by a low whistle, and (y/n) turned to see Steve, who had apparently been sat next to her this whole time, and Dustin, who was sat on his other side, both giving the pair very different looks.

Despite his face looking just as messed up as hers, Steve pulled a sly grin, and winked.

Dustin, however, looked like he might vomit.

“What.  The.  Fuck!?” His voice cracked when he screamed, making both (y/n) and Mike jump a bit in their seat.  “You guys have been- been- hooking up this whole time!?”

“What? No!” (y/n) argued back, shaking her head and trying to kill the idea in Dustin’s head before it escalated, but it seemed to be too late for that.  

“You have! You’ve been frenching!”

“Oh my god,” Mike rolled his eyes.  “Dustin, shut up”

“Can we save this argument for later, fellas?” Max hollered from the front.  “I don’t think that this is the most important thing going on-”

“W-wait a- wait a minute- wait a-!” Steve’s eyes widened as he started to panic.  “No! No way! Stop the car right now! Who let her drive-!?”

His screaming was abruptly cut off by the car swerving, causing everyone to scream now.

“Drive on the right side of the road! Jesus Christ we’re all gonna die!”

(y/n) wrapped both arms around Mike, one behind his neck and the other around his torso, keeping her secure.  In case this car were to crash, her seatbelt, and Mike, would anchor her in place.  Well, she hoped it would anyways.

He reacted quickly, embracing her tightly.

“I’ve been thinking I would get killed by a demogorgon,” She mumbled to him.  “Guess it’ll just be a plain old car crash that takes me out”  

He chuckled, but shook his head at her.

“No one’s dying, we had a deal”

She glanced up at him, a sweet smile on her lips.  And she waited for him to look back down at her to say anything.

“I love you too” She hummed, just soft enough that Dustin (luckily) couldn’t hear.

The smile that grew on Mike’s face was brighter than she’d ever seen from him before.  (y/n) was so relieved that her feelings were returned, that she felt she could go back to sleep, if she wasn’t getting nervous all over again about what was going to happen.

All they had to do now was to kill a monster and save their friends.

___

xoxo ~ jordie