#........at the same time i took so much time away and got invested in a lot of shows that im not as tempted to play much anymore itms ?

[twilightarcade]

to do list for my eyes Only

[steviescrystals]

my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so here’s my current stream of consciousness

[m0llygunn]

boyfriend!eddie and reader having sex in the back of his van whilst it’s raining 😫

Hi! Thank you for the request! I got a little carried away with the love-y, poetic-y stuff but theres still all that smutty stuff too!

18+ only, please!

wc: 3.2k

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It started slow then all at once. It was the kind of rain that warrants attention, the kind that demands you sit and watch. 

So that’s what you and Eddie had done. It was the safer option as well, to pull off the highway instead of pressing all the way home through the storm. Instead, you pressed through until you got to the old field just on the cusp of Hawkins that you two used to visit when you had first gotten together. 

It really was just a field. An old lot that you’re sure someone owns but hasn’t invested a lick of time into. Overgrown grass and a forested edge. Weeds and wildflowers weaved their way in and took claim to the land. The place is theirs but you and Eddie have been known to borrow it in the past. Not so much in the present. 

Just you, Eddie, and the wildflowers. 

It was where you first really hung out. In his van, doors propped open, letting the breeze in— it was where you got to know each other. It was home to the first time you held hands and the first time you shared a kiss. It was home to a lot of late nights where Hawkins seemed too overbearing and you both just needed to get away. 

In a sweet way, it was kind of like a home to where your love for each other sprouted. You and Eddie used to say that there were just as many wildflowers out in the field as there were kisses you’ve shared here. 

Beyond kisses, it was a place of innocence. 

When you and Eddie grew to that stage of your relationship, you spent more and more time in his room, growing more and more familiar with each other. Eventually, you stopped coming to the field. As time passed, the tire tracks in the grass faded and once again, the field was a place that only the wildflowers reigned. 

Today though— today, you pay the field a visit. 

Heavy rain on petals, dripping from their leaves like tear drops, you’re greeted by the weeping wildflowers, more abundantly spread on the land than you remembered. 

In the way the flowers appear to cry, it elicits a similar feeling inside you, like the swell of happy tears, born from being reunited with a lost friend. 

Eddie puts the van in park, reaching his hand back across the center console to squeeze your thigh. “We’ve got a lot of kisses to catch up on,” he says, meeting your gaze and nodding his head towards the plethora of brightly coloured speckles amongst the vast green. 

“Better get started then,” you laugh.

Like time had never passed, you and Eddie follow the same routine you used to. With a polite wave of his arm for you to go first and a gentle murmur of ‘ladies first’, you maneuver yourself to the back of the van with Eddie following suit. 

You both kick off your shoes and you take your seat, the place that Eddie has always set for you. He swings the back doors open, letting the mist of the rain and the dimmed rays from the clouded sky in. 

“Really raining, huh?” Eddie says as he settles next to you.

“Yeah, we needed it though. I would say the flowers needed it, but it looks like they’re doing just fine on their own,” you say fondly, scooting yourself to get a better view of the outside and coincidentally closer to Eddie. He does the same, shifting so he’s closer to you. 

He brings an arm over your shoulder, pulling you flush to his side.

“So, those kisses…” he says, grinning at you.

“Smooth, very smooth,” you smile, tilting your chin upwards to him as an invitation.

Eager as always, he wastes no time closing the distance between you two. 

Lips to lips, nose pressed against nose, he brings a hand to your jawline and he leans forward into you. Eager, very eager.

“Something tells me you want a little more than just kisses,” you laugh when he parts his lips from yours, trailing his pecks across your cheek and dipping them down to your neck. You practically feel his smirk against your skin.

“You know me so well,” he laughs softly, breath fanning over your skin. 

You run your hands down his chest, stopping at the hem of his shirt, tugging it upwards. He pulls away enough to help you remove it, flashing you a grin in the process. He’s not going to say it, but you both know he’s not the only one who wants a little more than just kisses.

His shirt thrown to the side, you run your fingers over his bare chest. The breeze coming in, and your gentle touch work in tandem to sprout goosebumps over his skin. He shivers, shaking his head gently, making you huff a soft laugh. He flashes you another smile, this time, hands grabbing to lift up your shirt.

“Let’s see how you like it,” he teases.

He pulls the cotton of your shirt up and over your head and before he has the chance to touch you, you already feel the crawl of goosebumps over your skin, as well as a light mist from the rain blowing in. Shivering immediately, Eddie laughs softly, but doesn’t hesitate to bring you close to him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you warmed up,” he teases, making you laugh. 

His arms snaking behind your back, a quick tug on the clasp on your bra has it coming undone. He guides you downwards, helping you lay back onto the carpeted and blanket covered floor. 

Both arms caging you in, he hovers over you, letting you still feel his radiating warmth, but leaving just enough space between you two to free you from your bra. His mouth spreads into a smirk as soon as your hardened nipples come into his view, already perked and pebbled from the chill. 

“S’cold,” you whisper.

“Poor baby,” he coos.

He dips his face down, placing kisses to your collar bones and slowly working his way down. His hands rub your sides in long languid motions, careful friction with the intention of warming you up. At the same time, he presses his body to yours, sharing all of his warmth. 

His kisses get lower and lower until he’s sucking harshly on your chest, each press of his mouth like a spark of warmth in your bloodstream. He’s doing a good job of keeping his promise to warm you up. 

His mouth connects to your nipple, the heat of his mouth like a sweet relief that encompasses your whole body, all the way down to your core. 

Your hands weave into his hair as his tongue swirls and sucks. When he switches sides, taking your other nipple into his mouth, you hardly have the mind to feel the way the dampness of your skin nearly frosts in the air. No, instead, your hips cant upwards, seeking relief elsewhere now. 

“Eddie,” you hum, tugging lightly at the roots of his hair.

He hums back with a raised inflection in his tone— asking you what you need without parting his mouth from you. You lift your hips again, the denim of your jeans meeting his lower belly with the way he’s positioned over you.

He removes his mouth from your chest with a wet ‘pop’ before looking up at you with a cute smile and contradictory dark eyes. 

“Feeling warmer?” he asks through his grin. 

“More,” you whisper pleadingly. 

His smile deepens, eyes dancing in amusement as he passes his hands down your sides a final time, pushing himself up and giving himself the space he needs to remove both of your remaining clothes. 

“You know,” he starts. His hands work at your pants, undoing them, while he spares you quick glances, a certain mischievousness lingering in each look your way. “They say if you ever meet somebody who might have hypothermia, you’re supposed to cuddle with them naked.” 

“Funny,” you huff quietly, trying to stop the way your lips demand to tug up. You lift your hips for him as he shimmies your jeans down your body. 

He meets your gaze once again with raised brows. “I’m serious, saw it on one of those survival shows,” he says as he throws your pants to the side. 

You match his gaze, raising your brows to mirror his. “Eddie, you’ve already got me down to my underwear, don’t think I need any more convincing,” you reply with nothing but adoration for him in your voice. He laughs, and you beckon him forward, sitting up just enough to reach his pants, tugging the belt undone. Eddie helps you with the rest, freeing himself from both his denim and boxers. 

“Hope nobody comes out here or they’re gonna see a whole lotta ass,” he says as he tosses his clothes next to yours. 

You bring your hands to the waistband of your underwear, tugging them down and Eddie quickly takes over, pulling them the rest of the way down your legs and adding them to the pile of clothes.

“Nobody comes out here,” 

“You’re only saying that ‘cause it’s not your ass on the line, it’s mine,” he laughs as he situates himself, guiding your knees outwards to make space for himself. His hardened cock demands your attention as it bobs in front of you, but you catch his gaze.

“They’d be lucky to see your ass,” you smile sweetly at him, knowing it’s the truth— that if someone did come out here, he’s the one in the direct line of sight, not you.

“Yeah, yeah,” he smiles back, rolling his eyes. You huff a laugh through your nose, pulling him closer to you, making kissy lips at him. He indulges you, leaning forward and sweeping you up in a kiss that he’s quick to deepen. 

With his body hovering over yours, he moves his forearm to rest on the floor under your shoulder to keep himself steady. His free hand snakes between the two of you, sliding along your lower belly until he reaches your mound. His fingers quickly breach your folds, gliding towards your already slicked hole. Groaning into the kiss, he gathers your wetness on his fingertips before moving back up to your clit. 

Slow circles on your sensitive button, your breath hitches. At the same time, your hips buck— your body's way of demanding more. 

The kiss becomes sloppy, wet, and full of your heavy pants. Eventually, you lose the capacity to move your lips against his as he continues his movements, speeding them up ever so slightly. Your chest rises and falls with your quickened breaths as he works you past just relief and well into the territory of explicit pleasure, heat blooming heavily in your lower belly. 

“Need you t-t—“ you stutter, your own ragged breath interrupting your speech. 

“Need me to what, baby?” Eddie asks, relishing in the way he has you worked up like this, nearly so far gone that you can hardly speak.

“Inside. You,” you moan, trying to gather your wits. “Please.”

“My girl wants to cum on my cock?” he says tauntingly, loving the sight of you like this. He speeds up his fingers and your hips stutter, the emptiness inside of you becoming too much to bear. 

“Please,”

“I don’t know if you’re ready for it. Think you’re warmed up enough?” he taunts again, keeping his unrelenting pace on your clit. 

“Mhm,” you hum in a strangled breath. “Please, Eddie.”

His movements on your clit stop and are replaced with the throb of need. Before your whined breath can carry up from your lungs, through your throat, and out your mouth, his cock is at your entrance pushing in, quickly bottoming out inside of you. He steals every ounce of your breath, pushing it from you in a heavy mewl, his own deep groan sounding in your ear as he leans in closer to you. 

“Fuck, how’s that feel, baby?” he asks.

You suck in a breath, whining softly, and he presses a kiss to your cheek. He hums, encouraging you to answer his question.

“Feels good, Eddie.” you moan.

“Yeah?”

“Always feels good.”

Eddie presses another kiss to your cheek, followed by a quick peck to your lips before shifting. Taking both your knees in his hands, he tilts your hips upwards giving himself better leverage. As he does, he cock perfectly pushes against your g spot, knocking you breathless once again. 

“Just like that, huh?” he rasps, watching you as you take steadying breaths, eyes already fluttering. You nod your head fervently, desperately needing him to move. 

Meeting his gaze, he smiles softly, knowing exactly what you need. 

Slowly but surely, he pulls his hips back from yours. Pushing back in, the head of his cock grazes that perfect spot again and you sigh contendently as your eyes flutter unrelentingly in your pleasure.

He finds a steady pace that has you moaning and mewling. Every stroke bringing you closer to the edge, the chilly breeze is a thing of the past. The way the rain patters against the van and the gentle sounds of the wind whispering through the air doesn’t breach your consciousness in the slightest. The only thing on your mind is Eddie— and when he brings his hand to your clit, continuing those pleasure filled little circles, your mind is reduced to nothing but a puddle of love for him and how he’s making you feel.  

“F-fuck, feels so good,” he stutters, picking up his pace. 

You feel the heat simmering in your belly and you know any second you're about to reach your peak. Grasping forward, you anchor yourself to Eddie with a desperate hand wrapping around his arm, clutching onto him with everything you have.

His breathing is ragged, grunts and groans decorating each thrust into you. Skin on skin, the sticky slapping and the wet obscenities with each pump give nature's sounds that echo through the field a run for their money. 

He picks up his speed on your clit, abruptly pushing you right over the edge. Your body tenses, pulses, and stutters under him, washing you over in the euphoria of your high. Eddie’s not far behind as he chases you into the waters of pleasure. 

With your hips jerking kinetically from his fingers on your clit, he relents his movements, pressing his hand to your hip, anchoring himself to you much as you had done to him. As his fingers press into your skin, his pace starts to become uneven. 

With a low groan, he thrusts deeply into you, his hips meeting yours completely. The depth of his reach and sudden contact on your sensitive clit has you jolting, adding a second wave to your dwindling orgasm. Your muscles tense harshly, fluttering around him, making him nearly whine as he comes undone. Drawing from you once again, he continues slow, shallow thrusts, working himself through his release. 

Your orgasm subsiding, you hum happily, still feeling the tingly remnants of pleasure in your body all the way from the tips of your fingers to the tips of your toes. Eddie collapses besides you, not going far at all, mere inches from being halfways on top of you. 

Reaching your hand over his back, you're met with his wet skin, more damp than just sweat, and you retract your touch out of surprise. 

“S’just rain,” he mumbles into your skin. You return your touch, gliding it down the expanse of his drenched skin. You use your hand to slick it off from him.

“Didn’t know you were getting rained on,” you say, shaking the water from your hand before settling it back down against his back, cuddling closer to him. 

“It’s only water,” he replies, lifting his head to see you, a grin pulled across his rosy face. 

You both lie like that for a while, sharing whispers and each other's company before separating enough to put yourselves back together. In the moment you hadn’t noticed just how much rain was blowing in through the open doors. Only after the fact did you realize the way the carpet was heavily dotted with wet drops and how both yours and Eddie’s legs were coated in a misted dew. Eddie got the brunt of the rain, his whole backside dripping wet. 

You helped him dry off, giving him kisses for his sacrifice despite him telling you it was well worth it. Once you were both redressed, you wrapped the two of you in one of the fuzzy blankets you keep back here. 

“Why’d we stop coming here?” Eddie asks, pulling you in tighter to his side. 

Tilting your face up towards him, you raise your brows as you meet his gaze. “Because you started only bringing me to your bed,” you reply, hiding your smile by pursing your lips. He laughs, face lights up with amusement, a deep smirk spreading across his face because he knows you’re right. 

“Well, this was fucking amazing, I think we should do this more often,” he jest, pinching at your side. You squirm but he rubs his hand over the affected area, soothing the pinch and the tickles away.

With a warning raise of your brows, despite your unwavering smile, he takes the hint, placing a quick kiss to your cheek like a sugar coated apology. 

You agree with him, you should come back here more often, but you don’t indulge him in that information just yet. Instead you redirect your gaze over the kingdom of wildflowers in front of you. 

The rain, slowing to a drizzle, your eyes reap over the field, taking in the small details you used to be so well acquainted with. It’s both nostalgic and bittersweet. It’s the same place you once knew, yet, at the same time, it’s entirely different. 

It’s a tender wash of feelings. The field flourished without you. Similarly, you and Eddie flourished without the field. It was a funny thing to come back like this— like both you and Eddie, and the field greeted each other so dearly, with heavy rain drops that felt like tears, only to show off the ways in which you’ve both grown since you’ve been apart. 

Growing is a part of life, as it is a part of love, both of which you’ve become familiar with ever since you met Eddie. Before, you thought love was supposed to be fiery crimson and vibrant magenta, heavily embellished with love hearts and fireworks. As time has gone on, you’ve grown to understand that love has shades. Love can be vivid and flashy and extravagant, but it can also be the simple things. 

Right now, love is an overgrown field, hued blue from the overcast sky, with green grass sprinkled in pink, orange, yellow, and red confetti. Love is rosy cheeks and rain misted skin. Love is simple, natural. Love is you, Eddie, and the wildflowers. 

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Thank you! hope you like it <3

[beomboomboom]

Cheater

genre: fluff, established relationship, crack

pairing: Jeonghan x reader

summary: Jeonghan knows his every kiss has the ability to steal your breath away and make you forget absolutely everything but him. And of course he'll use this to his full advantage, how could he not?

warnings: a little bit of swearing, kissing?

note: writer's block is a struggle 😭😭 idk why it took me like a literal month to write this. If you have any recs or asks feel free to send them to me! I'm in desperate need of some inspiration 😭. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this fic!!

Deciding to play a game of Monopoly with your boyfriend was definitely a mistake.

For one, you were losing at an embarrassingly fast pace. Your character having landed on Jeonghan's properties way too many times to count, forcing you to fork over money you didn't even have in the first place. The money in the bank was also suspiciously low, the stacks of bills smaller than you initially remembered.

Meanwhile, Jeonghan was doing amazing, much to your distaste. He didn't have much money, but at the same time he somehow conjured up some whenever he needed it. Everything was going well for him—suspiciously well.

"Your turn," Jeonghan announces with a confident smirk as he passes the dice over to you.

"I got this," you mutter to yourself while praying to whatever god is out there that luck be your on side for once. Jeonghan watches with a mischievous but fond look on his face; it's adorable the way you're so invested in a game that was doomed for you from the start.

You toss the dice out onto the table, groaning immediately when you see the result.

You landed on Jeonghan's property.

Again.

Meaning you're the one forking over money to Jeonghan, the one person who needs the money the least, as you sank closer and closer to straight-up bankruptcy. Jeonghan's hand immediately shoots out, a smug smirk is plastered on his face, silently demanding you to hand over what little money you have left.

"Your turn," you grumble, handing over the dice to Jeonghan with a defeated sigh.

Jeonghan rolls the dice. He's so close to winning, and he knows it. You're on the edge of bankruptcy and all he needs to do is push you a little more. All he needs to do is survive a few more turns and the win will be his. Jeonghan is confident he's going to win.

Jeonghan's confident smirk is quickly wiped off his face when he sees where his character lands after rolling the dice.

Jeonghan isn't going to win anytime soon.

He's going to fucking jail.

"HAH," you yell with a triumphant grin. "GO TO JAIL YOU SUCKER"

Jeonghan's mouth opens then closes without a sound; this was not something he anticipated happening. "Fine, i'll pay my way out," he finally responds after a moment, quickly returning to his confident and calm composure.

"If you want to pay your way out, then hand over the money," you say with a smirk, already knowing it's game over for him. "I'm kidding, that wasn't even an option, you only have 20 dollars left."

You watch with a laugh as Jeonghan's eyes widen in realization at his unfortunate luck. He was so close—so close to winning, and in a flash he wasn't. "Hah, better luck ne-"

You're cut off when Jeonghan smashes his lips against yours, taking your breath away. The monopoly game fades into the background and all you can think about is Jeonghan. Jeonghan. Jeonghan. His soft lips on yours, his gentle hands caressing your face, his mischievous eyes memorizing every inch of your face.

Then, just as quickly as it starts, it ends.

"Okay, here's the money. Now get me out of jail," Jeonghan says with a sweet smile after breaking off the kiss, 50 dollars suddenly appearing in the palm of his hand.

"Hey-," you shout in accusation, the realization that Jeonghan has been stealing from the bank this entire time dawning to you. "You cheater-"

Before you can say anymore, you're cut off with another kiss from Jeonghan, taking away your breath like his kisses always do.

After all, it's Jeonghan, your cute and mischievous but cheater of a boyfriend. Of course his every kiss will take away your breath and make you forget absolutely everything but him, and of course he'll use this to his full advantage.

"I won," Jeonghan whispers with a smile into your ear, smiling wider when you don't respond and simply press another gentle kiss onto his lips.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

can u write james getting caught masturbating in a pool float because he couldn't stop staring at fem!reader in her bikini end it ends up freaky 😭😭

A/n: love this idea so much hope you like my ✨rendition✨ of it <3

Warnings: smut, oral sex (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

Just realize his nose is red

Your older brother was friends with James’ older half-brother since they’d worked together. You and James were around the same age but weren’t all too close, nonetheless you were dragged over to his place more than once and it only got worse when his band started taking off.

He got a nice house with a pool in the back and wanted to show it off, once again you were dragged along. You stayed in the shade and enjoyed the warm weather while you read at the poolside, that was until yours and James’ brothers had to leave for work or something, you weren’t listening when they were leaving.

James came over, staying in the pool as he spoke. “You coming in or you plan on keeping your streak of being boring?” He teased.

You set your book down. “What?”

James scoffed. “Oh, come on, you’re always boring, you never do anything fun.” You chewed your cheek a moment the stood and walked away. “What, you’re just leaving?”

“I’m not changing in front of you?” You called as you went inside.

You returned a moment later with a towel wrapped around you. James was on a pool float and watching you curiously. You dropped your towel and set it with the rest of your stuff, not missing the loud splash behind you.

You spun around and saw James coughing up water, his hair completely drenched.

You smirked as you came over and sat on the edge of the pool and dipped your feet into the water. “Fall in?”

James coughed a few more times before he regained his composure. “I slipped.” He mumbled. He reached for an inflatable ball and tossed it at you, you swatted it out of the way and slid into the pool.

It was deep enough you couldn’t quite stand but James could, he came over and let you hold onto him so you didn’t have to work so hard to have a conversation.

Once you got talking to him he was nice. He’d float around on his back and let you use him as a float. He was invested in your life, asking questions and follow up questions, laughing and teasing.

You never guessed it, he was always so loud and obnoxious around you.

Even so, you did have a crush on him when you first met. He was tall, had strong arms and his hair looked so soft. His jawline, lips, his eyes all captivated you. Watching him play guitar had you going weak in the knees.

You were talking when your stomach growled. You paused and James laughed. “Hungry?” You scoffed and made your way to the edge of the pool.

You tried to pull yourself out of the pool but couldn’t quite do it yourself so James helped you, holding your hips in a tight grip, waiting an extra second before letting go once you were out of the pool. You thanked him and hurried inside.

James stared at you blankly, his jaw slack as he watched your ass shake when you moved. He could feel his swim trunks getting tight but he ignored it and just tried to keep floating around, eventually getting onto an actual pool float.

He laid there in the sun, letting his mind wander. He thought about you in your bathing suit, the way you moved, then he couldn’t stop himself.

He thought about you naked and between his legs, looking up at him with teary eyes as you took his cock down your throat. He thought about you on top of him and using him to get off. He thought about you beneath him, moaning and begging for more as he fucked you, how you’d call out his name, the face you’d make when he made you cum.

“James..?” You asked hesitantly as you sat on the edge of the pool, effectively drawing James from his thoughts.

His mind was foggy and his breathing was heavy. He followed your gaze and his eyes widened when he saw his hard cock in his hand. He panicked to cover himself, rocking the float and falling off again.

He managed to get himself back in his trunks by the time you'd gotten over to him. Your hands were on his shoulders to keep yourself afloat, James hands went to your waist, holding you close to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I was just-" You kissed him, he didn't hesitate to return it.

Your legs wrapped around him, your arms around his neck as his hands ventured over your body, teasing and groping whatever he could reach. He pushed you against the side of the pool as he started kissing down your neck, groaning softly as you rubbed against his hard on.

He kept kissing down your body, lifting you up so you were sitting on the edge. He tugged at your bottoms, you tried to help him get them off before he ripped the stringed sides off. You gasped softly, enamored by his strength once more.

Fuck, the look of pure and utter awe in his eyes as he stared at your cunt. He pulled you right to the edge, your knees over his shoulders as he licked between your glistening folds, sucking on your clit and swirling his tongue around the sensitive nub while his skilled fingers went to work on your needy hole.

He groaned as he pushed a finger into you, your gummy walls sucking him in deeper. You hands went to his hair, tugging on it and pulled him closer to you.

Between his tongue and his fingers fucking you and stretching your hole for him you were already close. Your moans got louder and James chuckled, sending vibrations through you.

James pulled away and you whined the sudden loss of friction. You stared down at James who looked off over the hedges behind you. You glanced over your shoulder, breathing heavy and mind running wild, you heard the sound of kids screaming and playing around.

You looked back to James, eyes wide. “Don’t worry.” He said and pulled himself out of the water. You took a moment to admire his taut body, muscular arms, broad shoulders, the prominent tent in his trunks. “They can’t hear us inside.” He grinned, reaching his hand out to pull you up.

You got up with him and excitedly followed him inside, forgetting for a moment how exposed you were.

You barely made it through the door before his lips were on yours again and he was lifting you onto the kitchen island.

He dropped his trunks and let out a groan as he pushed into you. “Fuck, if I’d known you’d feel this good I wouldn’t’ve waited so long.” He started kissing your neck, biting when he heard moans he was particularly fond of. “Sound so pretty when I do that.” He gleamed, sounding so proud of himself for making you feel this way.

“Jamie-Jamie, please move.” You mumbled, rolling your hips. James chuckled and pulled his hips back before snapping them into yours.

“Like that?” You nodded, moaning softly. James continued to kiss your neck, trailing down to your collarbone as he fucked you.

Your legs wrapped around him, keeping him close as you leaned back on the cool stone counter top. Your moans echoed off the pristine walls along with James’ low grunts and skin slapping.

James’ wet hair framed his face, a few strands sticking to him. His jaw was slacked, his eyes locked onto where your bodies connected, how your hole kept pulling him back in, the bulge in your stomach with every thrust.

“Hah-! Fuck, James, feels s’good.” You moaned, head falling back. That familiar warmth bundled in your gut, ready to burst at any second. James brought his hand to your clit, rubbing circles on it with his thumb.

You gasped, eyes shooting open as you came undone. James wrapped his arms around you, his movement speeding up as he chased his own high. He pulled you off the counter and you cling to him, still relishing in the feeling of him moving inside you, how he pushed against your insides, hitting every spot.

A string of curses left him as he came, his thrusts finally coming to a halt.

He pulled out of you but kept holding you, knowing your legs would be weak. He watched his cum deep out of you and drop on the tiled floor and down your legs.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “you’re really making a mess.” He said with a laugh. You swatted are his chest.

He kissed the top of your head and rubbed your back. “You got anywhere to be tonight?” He asked, looking down at you with soft eyes.

[itsss4t4n]

How long is Forever? - Harry Hook x daughter of alice in wonderland

Headcanons but the longer version of this post:

a/n: this is based more on tim burtons aiw adaptation as it is the only one that i know, and i might have misremembered some of the story/ characters so i apologize if its inaccurate to wonderland or its characters in any way. I got way to invested in creating the character and story and almost forgot that that wasnt the point. At some point i think the character just completely changes and i low key hate it. Im really bad at writing headcannons instead of full fledged fics.

Trigger warnings: fighting, she /her pronouns used, slight angst toward the end but happy ending, not proofread

-being alices daughter you are considered kind of weird by the aks, (think luna lovegood), you are kind of dreamy and constantly in your own thoughts but you still have a very strong own opinion on everything. You say what you think even if others might not like that. 

-You also have a very different sense of style than most girls in auradon. You played alot with different colours and textures always looking slightly crazy (you took inspiration from your godfather, the mad hatter). Your blonde hair was cut to a short messy bob with short bangs, and always changing coloured streaks throughout.

-you dont have the same view of good and bad as most others , and you dont think the vks should be judged by what their parents did and immediately try to befriend them and continuesly defend them

-when mal runs away to the isle you insist on joining the other vks and ben, as you do well in new and different invironments and later because you are an incredible sword fighter, your mother having thought you all she knows, just in case you ever needed to fight a jabberwookie type beast yourself.

-Due to your personal style not being very auradon, you didnt really have to disguise as much as ben when going to the isle. 

-On the isle you felt surprisingly comfortable, as you liked the weird and almost liminal athmosphere that it had 

-the first time you met harry was right after bens kidnapping, when harry came to tell you all about it.

-Harry has this theatrical almost a little eccentric way of talking and moving, which intruiged you pretty quickly. Of course , You didnt like or trust him, he did just kidnap one of your best friends, but you were intruiged non the less.

"And who is this little lassy?"

You told him your name with a glint of interest and mischif in your eyes. "Daughter of Alice in Wonderland."

"How interesting."

"I was just thinking the same thing. Whats your Name?"

"Harry Hook." He introduced himself with adramatic bow, before making fun of jay and barking at carlos.

- The other three had watched the interaction in confusion and wonder. They knew you were a little odd but seeming this confortable with harry after knowing what he did to ben?

"What was that?!" 

"What?" 

"Dont be nice to hook! He just kidnapped your best friend!"

"yea.. But he is quite interesting." And as an afterthougt: "and kind of pretty dont you think?"

"NO! Concentrate please. He is the enemie alright?!"

"Yea whatever, lets go tell mal about this shit."

-You go with Mal and evie to see dizzy, and instantly get along.

-Later while Mal and Uma are talking (singing), you cant help your eyes from glancing over at harry every few seconds. He did look good, with his red coat, the old silver jook on his left hand, and the messy black eyeshadow around his striking blue eyes.

"He is really beutiful dont you think?" That question was mostly directed towards evie who just shot you a dissapproving look. "I'm just saying. purely aesthetically."

-You simply shrugged and watched the situation continue to unfold, swordhand on the hilt of your sword at your side. When the fight breaks out you stand against harry. For better of for forse.

"Hello Pretty boy." You raise you swordand get into a defensive position.

"Wonderland girl."

-You kept making little comments about his looks and his sword fighting which he of course returned in his own flirty way. You quite enjoyed going back and forth like that. Witty comments, smirks and flirty smiles, and fighting more for show at this point instead of actually trying to beat each other. Trying to make this surprisingly pleasant moment last as long as possible.

-until you heard an urgend shout of your name from Mal.

"Sorry in advance." In a quick movement you snatched harrys hook and threw it down into the water. Before a shoked Harry can jump after it you catch his arm and talk to him in a slightly hushed voice.

"I really hope this wasnt our last meeting pretty boy." Before running off with the others.

-You dont see each other again until Audrey turns evil, but you do still think about harry. Is it stupid considering you met like twice and he was you enemy? Yea. Did you care? not really. He was georgeous, funny, good with a sword. Your dream guy. Except for the fact that he was supposedly your enemy. but then again when had you ever cared about that kinda stuff.

-His black lined blue piercing eyes were burned into your brain.

-In the six months until you saw him again you had become mal and bens unofficial bodyguard, spening most of your time with them or with evie, your sword has taken permanent residence at your side, only taking it of to sleep or shower and even then it was always in grabbing distance. Mals paranoia about uma had actually started to get to you.

-You are at evies house when audrey shows up and spells mal. You join them in going back to the isle to retrieve hades ember.

-When your bikes get stolen you cant help but smile at the sight. Yea its shitty but he is still beautiful.

"Pretty boy!"

He drawls you name in his scottish accent and you mentally swoon.

"Thats my bike!"

"Oh yea? Come and get it back then." Before driving of.

-You run after them (except mal and celia ofc),and at one point you split upbecause the boys on the bikes did so. You follow harry and when the others are out of sight he slows to a stop. You catch up to him with a grin.

"Nice to see you again Hook. I was hoping we would meet again."

"I was too Lassie."

-The next 10-ish minutes are filled with flirty banter and tales of what happened in the last six months. It felt like you've known each other for years (as clichee as that sounds). 

-You almost forgot why you were there until you heard jay shouting your name.

"Where are you, Mal got the thing come on."

You quickly turn to Harry again.

"Go! Before they see you and make it a whole thing."

"What bout your bike?"

"Keep it pretty boy, i doubt the others got theirs back so it would be weird if i did."

With a last sly grin harry leans towards you "I will see you again very soon." 

Before you could question what 'very soon' meant, he had already driven of. 

Just in time because Jay and the others turned the corner behind you.

"There you are! What are you doing? come on!"

"Sorry. Was chasing after the bike." You Give them a small smile before walking past them. "You coming?"

-To say you were surprised when harry and gil jumped through the barries after them would be an understatement.

"Pretty boy?!"

"'ello Darling. we're just coming for a wee visit" 

-You tried , just like evie, to get the two groups to work together. Harry mostly walked next to you or Uma. At some point you hung back so he culd walk in between you and doesnt have to kep switching. He caught up with uma but still kept the constant flirts towards you up.

-Everyone was really confused on why you two seemed so good and almost comfortable around each other, not to mention the flirting. Evie was the only one who knew of your little crush so she send you a few knowing smirks.

-During the knight fight you and harry fought as a team. Incedibly well might i say. 

-You were somewhat enthusiastic about evies icebreaker idea, enjoying the idea that the two groups could finally work together.

"Harry great accent."

"Shes right. It is a good accent."

-The flirting just wouldnt stop, comments thrown at each other, bumping shoulders while walking, even brushing your hands against each others on occasion. You had joined the boys in looking for ben.

"To make sure jay and harry dont kill each other."

-Gil doing the icebreaker and bonding with jay. 

meanwhile you and harry in the background:

"We should do that icebreaker pretty boy."

"oh yea?"

"Yea. You've got really pretty eyes."

"And you are really good with a sword lass." His hook just slightly gracing your cheek before something in gil and jays conversation sparks his interest.

-When finding ben you had immediately pushed harry behind you and unsheathed your sword out of instinct. Jay has to pull both of you out of bens way because both of you got distrcated by how close you were standing to each other. After making sure ben was alright you made sure harry was too.

(instead of flirting with jane he flirts with you)

"Well well well, thank you for trying to protect me there darling." The hook was under you chin this time.

"No problem pretty boy." You smirk back.

Ben had his little freak out. Jay and carlos had one too for slightly different reasons.

"when did this happen? you and hook?"

You just shrugged and started walking off.

The boys just looked at eachother thouroghly confused.

-After everyone reuniting and you secretely updating evie on the harry situation you all made your way to fairy cottage. When you found chad you had to half hide in harrys shoulder to hide your laughter because god was it good to see chad taken down a few pecks like that.

-Then Mal dropped the bomb. Closing the barrier forever. You couldnt believe it. You were always a firm believer in the vk programm. And you had honestly hoped that even if harry etc were send back, they would get out someday, or you might go visit them. You considered them freinds at that point. But now that wasnt possible.  You tried to comfort harry and uma in some way but it was to no avail.

"Im so sorry you guys... I didnt know." You had tears in your eyes yourself.

"Dont worry about it Darling. Its nae your fault." Placing his hand, his actual hand, on your cheek for a second, to wipe away the tear that had fallen. Before he walked of with uma.

"Harry....."

Mal was shocked to see your tears at the fact that harry was leaving. she had absolutely no idea this was a thing. It wasnt really. you didnt have enough time for it to actually become a thing. You watched harry and uma leave before evie walked up to you to hug you. 

She talked to mal but you didnt want to listen.

suddenly there was a bright light before it went dark for a bit. When you came to again, Mal was gone. It didnt take you guys long to piece together what must have happened. so you went to find mal.

-You and harry were both incredibly relieved to see that the other was okay. *cue big hug and an almost kiss that turned into a kind of awkward cheek kiss before another hug * 

-Harry announcing that he is actually going back to the isle felt like another punch in the gut. Again that sounds dumb considereing how little you actually knew each other but you didnt care. 

-Harry and you talked before he left. He gave you one of his rings "so you wont forget me darling". So you give him one of yours "then dont you forget me either". *cue more crying and hugs, between all of you *

-Mal announcing that the barrier will be taken down during the engagement party was the best thing that couldve happened to you at that point.

"Looks like you get a chance with your pretty boy after all." Evie.

Uma to harry on the isle: "Now you can get your pretty girl, pretty boy." While bumbing his shoulder.

As soon as you could spot eachother on the bridge you ran into each others arms.

-Kith

-like a lot of em

-Your friends from both sides were incredibly happy for both of you.

[ghost-proofbaby]

who could stay? (you could stay.) (eddie munson x reader)

summary: you're convinced that being loved comes with a cost. he finds a way to prove you wrong. (wc: 9.7k+)

order up! i've got one ash's special for anonymous. ♡

Keep going, keep going, keep going. 

Agree to run that errand for someone. Offer a shoulder to cry on for that person. Fix that problem for this friend. Keep going, keep offering, keep becoming indispensable. 

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact age you’d figured out the formula. You can never know for sure if the day was sunny or if it were rainy, if it were a calm December morning or a buzzing July night, but those details aren’t very important. The only important detail is that you had finally cracked the code at some point – you had finally figured out the solution to feeling unlovable. And that was that, truthfully, there wasn’t a solution. Once you were destined to feel this way, to feel so sour at your core, there is no easy way to rid yourself of that rotten pit. It would always be there – always churning, always burning, always yearning. Yearning to be loved, yearning to feel those waves of warmth cascading over your brain and down your spine, the ones others had always described to you but you’d just never… experienced. Never became familiar with.

It felt like everyone was playing an over-elaborate prank on you. They’d all conspired against you, invented a false feeling in which someone claims to feel loved, only to sit back and watch as you fumbled to find it. They’d laughed as you dug through a graveyard of relationships, caked your fingernails with dirt as you sobbed and would continue to claw deeper, trying to find just one set of bones that might hold that warmth for you. 

The only solution to that detrimental feeling of being unlovable, was to feel needed. 

You needed to feel so necessary, so essential, to everyone around you at all times. It never mattered how much of you it took. You’d give away every piece of yourself a million times over just to feel wanted at some capacity, even if that capacity were one you’d forced upon the other person. You didn’t care if you’d built the glass cages of theirs – you just cared that they kept you around to wipe away any smudges that appeared. 

Being wanted wasn’t quite the same as being loved. And if you thought about that for too long or too often, you might just break irrevocably. 

“I just don’t understand him,” Nancy sighs from the head of your bed, reclining against a wall of pillows you’d lined your headboard with. Two of which were body pillows. Long tubes of fluff to try and fill lonely spaces, you suppose, “Why didn’t he just tell me he didn’t want to go to the same college? Why… Why do I feel like I am forcing him to be with me?” 

Because you are. Just like I force you all to need me. 

“I don’t know, Nance.” 

That bland, bitter, half-thought out answer lingers on your tongue, almost burns your throat with the whisper of say more, say something useful, say something comforting. It’s the whisper of those four words not being enough. It’s the whisper of that threat that those four words could be the beginning of the end, the thing that makes Nancy realize she doesn’t need you. 

After all, what use is a friend that can’t give good advice, or be supportive during relationship rants? 

You open your mouth to add on something sweeter, something to coat the conversation like honey and smooth out the lines forming on Nancy’s forehead, but she beats you to it, “I’m sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?” 

Yes. “It’s fine,” at least that wasn’t a lie – you’d dug this specific grave, had rooted down tooth and nail only to find another empty coffin of a friendship curtained with want instead of love. You’d all but asked for this, “What he did really was shitty. It’s not fair to you.” 

The words are almost robotic, telling Nancy Wheeler what she wants to hear rather than what she needs to hear.  You don’t always do that, you do make a point of investing in the truth from time to time to truly secure your position as someone who is genuinely needed in her life, but the headache nagging at your temples tells you it’s not worth the fight tonight. You’re tired, you’re agitated, and you really just want to get Nancy to the point of contentment in her rambling so that you can send her on her way. 

God, you’re an awful friend. 

It turns you quiet, a ricocheting thought that bruises your inner skull the rest of the time Nancy sits on your bed. The guilt eats you alive for that moment of irritation the rest of the night. Even after Nancy goes home, even after you’ve brushed your teeth and you’ve tucked yourself into bed. The guilt gnaws on the edges of that emptiness inside of you, that ever-present black hole that already existed, and says this is why you cannot be loved. 

Maybe the pity party for feeling like a bad friend is what makes you a bad friend. 

And maybe if you were a better friend, you would be loved instead of wanted for once. 

It’s all part of a cycle, never-ending and treacherous. It’s always been this way. You make promises to your friends and rip yourself to shreds before remolding yourself into whatever they need; giving rides to the younger kids within your circle to the pool all summer which evolved into taking turns with Steve as to who would pick them all up after their D&D club ran late every Friday night, always lending a listening ear to Nancy once Johnathan moved away and she’d had to witness her relationship and her love vanishing in real time, always being the one person who will listen to Robin ramble for hours about her sudden interests. None of it was born of ill-intent, but when you’d go home lonesome at the end of the night, you could see it all for what it was. 

You were trying to fill a void. A hollow rot, a black hole. And it was only working half the time. 

Half the time, until he came along. 

And make no mistake, his arrival was as bloody as anyone who had previously entered your life. For a while there, you believed his headstone was at the end of the line already, sanctioned away in this graveyard of the ability to be loved. He came crashing into your life on a random Friday night, and you had sworn you could already see the end as it began, but you had been wrong. 

“So, you’re the infamous babysitter.” 

His voice caught you off guard. You’d been sitting in your car with your windows down, enjoying the reprieve of a cooling autumn evening as you waited for the boys to finish up with their D&D club. With your head buried in the latest sci-fi novel that Dustin had recommended and would no doubt be grilling you on once he got in the car, you hadn’t even heard the club exit the school. 

“Nope,” you fought a smile as you glanced up from the pages to see an older guy standing there, closer to yours and Steve’s age than the kids. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that this was the famous Eddie all the boys would ramble on about for hours on end, “Harrington’s the babysitter. I’m just the taxi driver.” 

There was something particularly pretty in the way he threw his head back with laughter at your words. Curls that messily fell just beyond his shoulders, full lips disappearing as his teeth peeked through and shined beneath the parking lot’s lamp posts. His denim vest looked purposefully distressed with a mirage of patches and pins, and he was wearing a leather jacket beneath it, even if it wasn’t quite cold enough for it yet outside. He was cute – and watching him laugh because of you sparked something irreversible inside of you. 

“C’mon now,” he sighed as his cackles quieted, “Give yourself more credit than that. At least call yourself something fancy, like ‘chauffeur’.” 

“Ah, but ‘taxi driver’ insinuates that I charge them,” you don’t miss a beat, and your quick wit has him chuckling again. 

You caught sight of his eyes, corners creased with joy – brown. They were deep, russet, tantalizing brown. Almost indiscernible from his pupil in the dark. 

“I’m Eddie, by the way.”

You took his hand that he shoved through your open window with ease, and felt an immediate shiver run down your spine. Not quite from the cold, but not quite warm. You saw the first flash of his grave, and you knew you’d be digging your greedy hands into it soon enough. 

As you gave him your name in return, you knew you wouldn’t be leaving well enough alone. 

You had been half right that night. You wouldn’t be leaving well enough alone, you would be seeking out the impossible from Eddie – but so would he. 

It quickly became apparent that Eddie was a pest. Someone who weaseled his way into the lives of others, who made his presence felt and never forgotten. 

You’d started with the same slow dance as you did with every new person, a hesitant dipping of your toes into their waters, unsure if your presence in their life would only cause more trouble than you’re worth, when you quickly discovered that nothing could ever be hesitant or slow with Eddie Munson. He’s the one constantly reaching out to you. Driving the kids home now takes double the time it used to, long conversations being had with him that has the kids dragging you away, practically begging to just be taken home. The day he’d asked for your number, you couldn’t tell which one of you burned brighter red. And the moment he had your number in his clutches? Forget about it. You never heard the end of Eddie Munson, and you never really wanted to. 

Unlike your friends you already had and loved deeply, Eddie was observant. 

It’s within the first month of knowing you that he had picked up on your insecurities. Maybe he hadn’t directly seen that gaping hole in your chest yet, but he noticed your habit of running yourself dry to see others thrive. 

The need to be needed. He picked up on it quickly. 

“What about Sunday?” Eddie’s voice traveled over the line as you laid on your stomach, stretched out across your bed for a few moments of rest before you had to get up and take the cookies you’d baked for Steve and Robin into Family Video, just like you had promised, “I’m free then if I finish all my fuckin’ homework on Saturday night.”

Surprisingly, that phone call with Eddie hadn’t been something expected or planned. It had been impulsive; in a rare moment of peace, you found yourself craving to hear his voice. Somehow, the two of you had ended up trying to figure out a free day to properly hang out. Eddie wanted to go to Benny’s for milkshakes, and you wouldn’t turn down the free fries he also promised.

“I can’t,” you paused just to hear his predictably dramatic sigh, grinning as you continued to explain, “I’m taking Max to the skatepark that day.”

“And it’s going to take all day?” 

“It could!”

“There’s absolutely no way.”

“You clearly haven’t seen that girl skate.” 

The conversation continued, light-hearted enough with plentiful jokes made. Something about talking with Eddie made your heart lighter, the usual unbearable and contradictory weight of emptiness no longer on your mind as you listened to him ramble about something that had happened in one of his classes – a teacher tried to embarrass him when he caught Eddie doodling for a D&D campaign by asking him a question, not expecting him to know the answer. Eddie had, of course, leaving the teacher baffled with a smirk.

 It’s all about my charm, sweetheart, he responded when you asked how he hadn’t earned a detention from that. 

Only towards the end of the call, when the conversation finally lulled and the two of you found yourselves settled into a comfortable silence, did Eddie finally circle back to the beginning of your conversation. 

“You know,” he started, “When I first met you, I never took you to be someone so…”

“Amazing? Wonderful? Funny?” you jokingly attempted to finish his sentence.

“Busy.” 

Oh. You hadn’t expected that one. 

“Busy?” you repeated back to him, “I’m not that busy.” 

Your mind immediately started racing with thoughts of what he had meant. Was he feeling neglected? Maybe you should have canceled on Max on Sunday, agreed to Benny’s with him instead. No, you couldn’t bear Max’s disappointment. Maybe you could tell Max you had a time constraint, even though you knew she hated those when it came to her skating days. Was there any other plans you could abandon? Anyone else you could bear to let down for the sake of not leaving Eddie high and dry? No, no – all your other weekend plans involved going to the movies with Robin, helping Steve look into colleges finally, taking the boys to the Starcourt mall to shop for supplies to make figurines for their newest campaign. The room was suddenly getting smaller, your chest constricting, your head spinning. You couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing any of those people, no, but what about Eddie? Maybe he was right in feeling neglected, maybe you deserved whatever guilt was to come from whatever his next words would be. He was your friend, you were supposed to make time for h-

“Sweetheart,” he scoffed over the line, and you swore you heart stopped right then and there, “You’re the highest thing in demand since Cabbage Patch Kids last Christmas – and trust me, I should know how in demand those fuckers were. I worked seasonally at the mall, remember?” 

Your breath caught. He was feeling neglected. You weakly began your apology as tears were already filling your eyes, that panic turning over itself in your gut, “I’m-”

“And it’s not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong,” It’s clear your voice had been too soft, too weak, for him to hear you, “Just means I’ve gotta fight harder to be worth your time, am I right?” 

You had to clear your throat, but it did nothing to subsidize that anxiety that rattled your bones. It’s blatantly evident as your voice shook with a second attempt at an apology, “I’m sorry, Eddie. I didn’t mean- I can… I’ll… Just tell me when for Benny’s. I can make it work, I swear-”

“Woah, woah, woah.” 

He had to have heard the tears that had escaped down your cheeks. The shake of your breath as you’d stuttered over your words, grasping for a solution. 

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” his voice was soothing and soft, the most gentle it had been the entire night. You pinched your eyes shut and just tried to imagine those stupid, big doe eyes, those ungodly messy curls (you’d started to tease him about if he ever even brushed or combed them). The panic remained, but Eddie’s voice started to give it a run for its money, “I was just playing around. You know that, right?” he paused to give you room to answer, but your throat was still tightly squeezed by overwhelming emotion, overwhelming fear of having scorned Eddie, “You could only have enough time in your schedule to see me once a year, and I’d still be your friend. We could only have these random phone calls, even if they were never longer than a minute, and you’d still be worth it. You know that, right?” Another pause, another wave of silence from your end, “Sweetheart, you don’t owe me your time. And I don’t need monopoly over it for us to be okay.” 

Each word made the panic settle. You weren’t sure how he did it. You weren’t sure how mortified you should be that he had only been in your life for a month at most, and had just overheard you at your most vulnerable. 

All you were sure of was that you believed him. 

“Okay,” you croaked, finally feeling that ring of fear loosen, vocal chords finally functioning once more. 

“Okay,” Eddie repeated back in that same gentle, soothing, soft tone. 

You weren’t disappointing him. You weren’t making him feel neglected. He still found use for you, he still wanted you around – he still needed your friendship. That had to be enough.  

It was quiet over the line for a few moments. 

It has to be enough, you reminded yourself. 

“Say,” you finally said, voice back to normal strength and the tears having dried themselves up for the most part. Your heart had almost returned to normal rhythm, “How does Benny’s sound tonight?”

“Tonight?” he chimed back, sounding as excited as a little kid the morning of a cherished holiday, something like Christmas. 

A shiver ran down your spine. It’s not from the cold, and you tell yourself it’s not quite warmth – it can’t be warmth. 

“Tonight,” you confirmed, “With a detour by Family Video, if you don’t mind. I’ve got a special delivery of cookies to fulfill.” 

“What kind?”

“Excuse me?” 

You were grinning - God, you were a pathetic fool, grinning and clutching onto that phone like a lifeline. Like if you let go of it, you’d lose his voice, and if you lost his voice, that would be the end of the world. 

“What kind of cookies?”

“Chocolate chip.”

He hummed, not answering right away as if he were deliberating this information. When he finally spoke again, another shiver wrapped around your spine, spinning down, down down. Waves of what you almost believed were warmth. “Okay. I suppose I can be your taxi driver, for a price.”

“What’s your price?” 

“One cookie.”

“Deal.”

It had to be enough, because you were still clutching that telephone tightly to your cheek, long after the phone call ended with Eddie’s promise of being at your house soon enough. It had to be enough, because after that night, it became clear; the world would not end with the loss of just Eddie’s voice from your life, but the loss of Eddie, period. It was the first night of many in which you played a very, very dangerous game. 

Even with Nancy gone, you felt restless. You couldn’t help but linger just a little longer in all that self-pity, still replaying the night and all you could have done differently. 

Had she caught on with how out of it you had been? Had she seen through your act and immediately assumed the worst – assumed you weren’t worth keeping around? 

The thoughts might be an overreaction. 

You were definitely overreacting. 

You didn’t really care that you were overreacting, though, because you really couldn’t control it. It was just another dark path you couldn’t stop your mind from traveling down. It was endless, and it was lonesome, and… and it was just normal. What should be devolving into a panic attack can only settle like an emptiness deep within your chest; you’ve been staring at the blank wall of your living room for so long without blinking, your eyes have gone dry. 

A pattern. That’s what the therapist said. You had a pattern for overthinking these interactions, for projecting feelings onto others that didn’t exist. You think all your friends hate you, you think that a stranger found your smile to be more of a grimace, you think your mom hasn’t called in months because she recognizes you as a failure finally. But none of it is actually what those people think. It’s like a mirror – you look into the eyes of others, and you see all your own insecurities reflected back. 

She’d asked you to work on it. To take a step back and just breathe, just remind yourself of that, whenever this happens. You’d decide whether you’d mention this minor slip up later. For now, you were going to wallow. You were going to spiral with just you, this damn blank wall, and maybe even the bottle of wine in the fridge. 

Yes, your mind was made up, and you force yourself to stand from the couch and wander into the kitchen, eyes still dry and chest still caving in on itself as you open the fridge. 

That’s as far as you get. Your fridge is wide open, the bright luminescent light flooding your kitchen floor in time with the trickling chill that sneaks up on your warm cheeks and already numb toes, when you spot it. 

A box of takeout. It’s old enough now you could throw it out, you had known the moment he’d taken the last of his meal to-go that he wouldn’t finish it. Teased him about it, even. But he was stubborn and you weren’t capable of turning down the opportunity to let another piece of him, another flash of evidence of his place in your life, occupy this apartment. So there it sat, a half-eaten burger he hadn’t revisited. 

But he had revisited the apartment – revisited you. He’d been here every night this week, and you’d practically had to shove him out on the street to get him to leave this morning to get to work on time. 

The edges of that emptiness that weighs down your insides blur, already lightening microscopically as you slam shut the fridge and forgo the wine completely to grab the phone instead.

“You don’t have to always take care of everyone, you know,” he murmured as he joined you in the kitchen to retrieve popcorn for the gang, everyone gathered in the living room for a movie night. 

“Pardon?” you asked, hardly glancing over your shoulder as you punched in the designated time for the microwave to turn the kernels into an easy, mouth-watering snack of butter and crunch. 

“You always take care of everyone. You don’t have to.”

His words rang clearer that time, loud enough to have stopped you in your tracks. You paused mid-reach, the cabinet for the Harrington’s bowls wide open and shelves nearly too tall for you. 

“I-” you weren’t sure exactly what to say, “What do you mean?” 

His brows scrunched, eyes having narrowed in the slightest in your direction, “Please don’t play dumb right now.” 

“I’m not playing dumb. I’m trying to get popcorn for our movie night,” you waved your hand towards the shelves lined with bowls for emphasis on your point, “That’s not really taking care of everyone – it was just being polite. Steve’s hosting, it’s the least I can do.” 

“The least you can do? The least you can do is actually just sit with friends, enjoy the movie,” the crease between his brow deepened, eyeing you with an unfamiliar concern. You shifted beneath the weight of his gaze. 

You don’t know what to say. Except, “It’s not that serious.” 

He scoffed, and you nearly flinched from it. Fear threatened to bubble up – he’s upset, he’s getting irritated at you. He’s getting tired of you. 

You waited for him to say something more as the buzz of the microwave filled the tense space, but he remained silent. Brooding. 

“What?” your voice shook, your entire being torn between succumbing to all that fear and anxiety in upsetting him further and that voice in the back of your mind that urged you to push him, to hear what he really thought. “I know you have something more to say.” 

“In the six months I’ve known you, you haven’t taken a single break for yourself.” 

He met your push, stood his ground and didn’t let it put any distance between you two. It felt like a goddamn revelation, right there in the Harrington kitchen. 

“I take plenty of breaks, Eddie,” you tried to laugh off, “I do spend time away from you all, hard as that may be to belie-”

“Hardly,” he cut you off as sharply as the first resonating pop that echoed from the microwave. 

“What’s your point? I just like being around you guys. Like I said, it’s not that serious.”

This was the part where the distance would happen. You kept pushing, took the inch he’d given you to bite back and ran with it. Normally, you avoided conflict with any of your friends vehemently. Always afraid, always assuming the relationships to be so fragile and so delicate. You would take such care in never giving them a reason to hate you that you’d never taken to a battleground before.

But there had been a look in Eddie’s eyes that night. A shine that, breaking through all the worry for you, whispered, fight with me. Stand your ground with me. I’ll still call you tomorrow, no matter what words we exchange tonight. 

A safety net had formed that you’d never even noticed. That delicacy wasn’t needed here. You could pick up the sword, there in that kitchen, and it wouldn’t turn Eddie to smoke and shadows. 

“My point is…” he paused, he swallowed hard, he exhibited the delicacy that was usually expected from you, “You can like being around us. But you should put yourself first. At least once. At least on movie night.” 

“How is me making popcorn not putting myself first?” you got the question out, you took a deep breath, ready to go on some sort of defensive tirade for your habit you were well aware of.

He beat you to it, “Every day last week, you only got three hours of sleep, at most, before your shifts. You gave up sleep to hang out with us all way too late, refused to throw in the towel and go home before anyone else.”

“I could have napped-” 

“You didn’t nap,” he stressed, taking a step closer to you. The popping of the snack turning in the microwave was erratic, mere seconds left on the timer. Static noise to the conversation at hand, “I know you didn’t fucking nap after your shifts because you were immediately running errands for everyone else, or hanging out again. You offered to give Robin a ride to work every single day, and her shifts start… what, an hour after yours ended? And then you had to give her rides home, right? But in those hours she was at work, you were helping Dustin with an essay for school – that little fucker told me all about it. You were awake when Johnathan called you and we were all stoned off our asses, went and got us food we didn’t need but still wanted. We didn’t even expect you to pick up, you know? I told them, I swore to them, you wouldn’t pick up. You had a morning shift. You were scheduled literal hours from when we called you. But you picked up. You fucking picked up, and you went and got the fucking food for us fucking idiots.”

Your brain completely malfunctioned. You couldn’t comprehend how he was saying all of these things that should be good things, things that proved you were needed and you were reliable, but with such venom in his tone. 

Anger had sparked within you as you pictured how giddy Dustin had been over the B he’d earned on his essay, that sincere appreciation on Robin’s face every time she left your car last week, the dopey grin that Argyle had worn when you’d arrived with their food order in your pajamas. All previously things to fuel you, filling that aching hole inside of you, now being tarnished because he was concerned.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you seethed at him, “Would you prefer I hadn’t been awake? Would you prefer I let Dustin just… get a fucking F on that essay? Or Robin walks to work?” 

“Yes!” 

You were both shocked at the sudden volume in your voices. The quickness in his reply. The quiver in your lip. 

“Yes,” he breathed out, quieter this time, “I would prefer those things if it meant you were taking care of yourself. The word ‘no’ should be in your vocabulary, sweetheart. I… The world doesn’t end just because you don’t constantly make yourself available.”

But you all needing me might.

“Just… just…” your breaths came out in huffs, eyes downcast and unwilling to meet Eddie’s stare. A final push, and it came out more fragile than you’d ever intended, “Just mind your business, Eddie.” 

He opened his mouth to say more, but the microwave started to go off, signaling what you saw as the end of the conversation – the fight. You’d raised your voice at him, you’d swung that sword in his direction, and he hadn’t vanished. His friendship – he – wasn’t as breakable as you’d thought. 

You spun on your heel, you took the popcorn out and divided it into bowls for the group, busying your hands in any way possible. All the while, he never left the kitchen. He stood just feet away from you and let you do what needed to be done, and only stopped you as you turned to exit the kitchen with the snacks acquired. 

His hand caught onto your elbow, “You have bags.” 

“Excuse me?”

“You have bags under your eyes,” he elaborated. He no longer looked frustrated, but defeated, a morose distress pinching the edges of his feature.

“Jesus,” you were now scoffing, adjusting your grip on those bowls, “You really know how to compliment a girl, don’t you?”

“They’ve been there for months,” his grip refused to loosen, thumb trailing over the crease in your arm, “Please don’t run yourself into the ground.” 

You gave him a cold shoulder as you left him behind to rejoin your friends, unable to shake his consternation. It was so genuine, it terrified you. It made your insides churn, it turned your anxious attachment to dust. 

It made a shiver of warmth travel down your spine. 

The empty space beside you on the couch only remained for seconds after you’d passed around the bowls, keeping one for yourself. He was back there, back at your side, as if the two of you hadn’t just exited a battle ground. As if a stand-off hadn’t just occurred, as if it all hadn’t ended in a draw. 

He looked at you with those eyes.

Fight with me. Stand your ground with me. Don’t walk away from me. I will still call tomorrow.

He did more than call that night. As the movie started, he didn’t so much as flinch when your head fell to his shoulder in exhaustion. He only tucked an arm around your shoulders, only shifted you to be more comfortable as you used him as a personal pillow. He glared at everyone in warning not to grill you on the plot of the movie when you’d awoke mildly disappointed, he’d let you sleep on the drive home. He never once brought the fight back up. 

And he still called the next day. 

After your shift, he was the first voice you heard after dragging your feet into your apartment. A brief apology was exchanged before it was back to business as usual between you two. And somewhere between his rambles, you fell asleep with your phone balanced half-haphazardly between your cheek and shoulder. You could only dream of the grin he wore when he’d hear your soft snores over the line, quieting down immediately to let you rest. He never hung up – he was content to sit on a hushed line if only for the assuredness that you were finally resting. 

The warmth no longer traveled down your spine, instead curling up timidly near that hole inside of you. You let it. 

“Munson residence!”

That warmth that had found home in your chest still remains to this day, rousing at Eddie’s voice over the line. It’s nearly enough to make you cry – the relief that floods you just by the sound of him and his endless chipper. His optimism that always seems to exist, even in contrast with those harsh edges he tries to portray. 

“Eddie,” you whisper, as if you’re not the only one in your apartment, “Can you… Are you free?” 

Even after a year, you still sometimes felt guilt, asking so much of him. Asking so much, and giving so little in return. 

But you weren’t the one who set that standard. Eddie had. Ferociously, fiercely, stubbornly. The insistence that you simply being was enough for him. 

“For you, sweetness?” he chuckles lowly. He recognizes your voice immediately; you never have to say it’s you calling. You could have shrugged it off as Caller ID, but you knew the Munson’s phone didn’t have that. No, he recognized you by voice only. He’d once joked that only you would one day be able to rouse him from the dead, based on the ‘sweet melody alone’. Recognition in death – you had managed to burrow your way so deeply into his life, you’d earned recognition in death. “Always. What’s up?” 

You could have just kept him on the phone. Had one of your infamous conversations about everything and nothing. Sat on the cold tiles of your kitchen and smiled like a child as you listened to him rant. But the cold chill of your lonesome apartment was becoming suffocating, and you remembered that take out in the fridge and the way one of his socks had ended up in your laundry last week. You remembered how you started keeping his favorite brand of beer in your fridge and how one of your pillows started to permanently smell like his aftershave.

He had a toothbrush in your bathroom. He had a key to your apartment. He had a space, here, in this lonesome apartment. And all you had to do was beckon to him, and he would come to fill it. Always. 

“Can you come over?” 

You don’t even have to explain yourself. He complies readily, whispers out a soft yes in the voice you’d also recognize even in death, and promises to be there within ten minutes. 

He makes it within eight. 

And you’re still leaning on your kitchen counter, your head still swimming dangerously with all the different ways you’d let down Nancy. Once upon a time, you might have worried about inviting him over, worried that your anxieties and your short-comings might bleed into your relationship with him. In the beginning, it had been simple enough. You kept him at an arm’s length away the moment you realized you couldn’t make yourself needed to him, not out of selfishness but out of fear. Fear, because if he didn’t need you, why would he stick around? 

Because without need, if you did the wrong thing, there was no necessary thread tying them to you. Because without need, there was no chance for the day that you might find love in your grave robbings, and you couldn’t handle the thought of someone like Eddie Munson deciding you weren’t worth his time. 

It hadn’t occurred to you for a very long time that maybe, possibly, you’d been going around the concept of love with a very wrong mindset. 

Your safe place. That’s what the back of the van had become over these sticky summer nights – your safest refuge. 

It was always the same scene; Eddie on his back beside you, lazily nursing a joint, while you sat up reading passages of the latest book you two had embarked on together. Sometimes it was poetry, sometimes it was fantasy, and sometimes, it was just a reread. That night, it was a reread. The Hobbit. 

“‘I don’t see that this will help us much,’ said Thorin disappointedly after a glance. ‘I remember the mountain well-’” you recited off of the page, when Eddie suddenly sat up abruptly and snatched the book from you. 

“No, no, no!” he wagged his finger at you after he discarded his joint into the ashtray you’d made him start keeping in the fan, “Sweetheart, you’re doing the voices all wrong.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, reaching to take the book back, “Not all of us have a Dungeon Master voice to whip out, Munson. Give it back.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Do I need to say please? I’ll say please.” 

It was best like this. Just the two of you, away from everyone else. Some nights, the two of you hadn’t even needed a book to bond over. You’d just gaze at stars, or indulge in whatever weed he’d brought along with him. He never pressured you, though – if you shook your head at his offer of the joint, that was that. He seemed to apply that to most aspects of your friendship this last year. 

You never had to prove anything to him. He saw your worth as if it were glaringly obvious, as if it were as simple of a concept as breathing. No extra effort needed from your end. 

Just by being, you had managed to become something important to him. He needed you, if only because you were you. 

“The puppy dog eyes aren’t gonna work on me,” he snorted, shifting so that his shoulder pressed against your own. A warmth spreads from the point of contact. “Let the master show you how it’s done.” 

You tried to not let it show, but your grin was radiant. He was the master at those ridiculous voices, at theatrics and at bringing the story to life. You were transported from the shore of Lover’s Lake, in the back of that stuffy yet comforting van, to meadows of soft grass and hobbit holes of comfort. To a place where all the threats were mythical and all the expectations of you were released. 

You’d spent the week helping Steve finish up his college plans. His parents had tried to pressure him into picking his top three universities, but the moment he had confided in you that he might prefer a community college to begin, you’d held his hand as you guided him through the process. A rewarding process, have no doubt, but it had left you numb and reeling. Sharing someone else’s stress, shouldering their burdens – it had been a bit much.

You needed this. You needed Eddie’s ridiculous voices and the sharp press of his shoulder against your temple. 

“Falling asleep on me already?” he teased when he’d noticed how quiet you had gone. 

“Never,” you lied through a yawn that quickly exposed you. 

“Liar,” he huffed. You didn’t even need to glance up to confirm the smile you knew he wore. “We can head back home, if you need. I know it’s getting late-”

“No,” you quickly sat up, effectively making yourself dizzy, “No, I- It’s fine. I’m awake. I swear.”

“It’s okay that you were falling asleep,” he was quick to reach out, to tug you back down to his side, wrapping his arm around you to press you even closer than before, “I just don’t want to keep Cinderella out past Midnight.” 

“It’s barely ten.” 

“Nothing gets past you, Sherlock,” he scowled as you pressed your grin against his t-shirt clad shoulder, “I’m serious, though. Do I need to take you home?”

“No, Eddie. I’m good.”

“Swear it? Swear you don’t have an early shift, or some… some obligation?” 

“No shifts, no obligations.” 

“And if I just kidnap you for the weekend? Am I going to have an angry mob at my doorstep, demanding your service?” 

You smiled wider at the thought. The idea of him hiding you away, letting you live in this reprieve for the entire weekend. It was a nice thought, “I certainly wouldn’t complain.” 

And so the two of you sat there like that for an hour more. Eddie coming up with ridiculous tones for the various characters, you slipping in and out of consciousness as his warmth stayed wrapped around him. You don’t even notice when the warmth he’d planted in you finally covers up that hole inside of you, not even missing the absence of that emptiness until Eddie went quiet.

In the silence, you noticed it. 

The gash you’d grown accustomed to, the hole that had become an extra limb for you. Vanished. Gone. Disappeared without a trace.

It was a sudden and terrifying realization. Everything in you urged you to jump up, to scramble around you to find the darkness again, like a comfort blanket you couldn’t stand to lose. You went against the instinct, though, and rose slowly from Eddie’s hold. 

In lieu of scrambling, you peered at Eddie curiously. “Hey, Eds. Can I ask you something?” 

He nodded sleepily, almost as drowsy as you. You’re shocked when he shifts and instead of pulling you back to him, he opted to lay his head in your lap. 

That hole was still gone. The weight of his head on your thighs, the feeling of his breath on your bare thigh. For a moment, you can’t breathe. 

You’re warm. Not uncomfortably so, but encapsulated with an internal warmth. Like a fever spreading, the ice in your spine that you had lived with for years had begun to thaw. 

“Why do you keep me around?” you whispered, still sitting stiffly, staring in awe down at the way he just nuzzled his face into your lap.

With his eyes still closed, face smooth from any worry from the question, he mumbled, “What do you mean?” 

You only hesitated due to the thought crossing your mind; what if you bringing this up reminds him? 

You thought back to the night in Harrington’s kitchen. The push and the pull, the bloody battle and the way he still called.

He was not as delicate as you took him for. 

“I- What do you get out of this?” you couldn’t figure out how to phrase it correctly. You knew what you got out of this, but what does he get? 

“Get out of what?” 

“Get out of keeping me around.”

His eyes finally opened, twisting in your lap so that he could stare up at you. “You say that as if you’re forcing me to be your friend.” 

I could be, that nagging voice in your mind whispered. You could very well be forcing him, and just be blinded because you were enjoying the summer of warmth that he carried with him too much to let him go. 

“You never let me do anything for you,” you sighed, fingers finding themselves tangled in his roots against better judgment. But you needed to touch him, to ground yourself, as you admitted this hard truth, “You do shit for me all the time. You drive all the way out to this lake just because I complain about everything being too much. You’ve started playing chauffeur for the kids to give me a break. Harrington said you even offered to look at college brochures with him. And…. And I’m not stupid, Eds,” your voice shook as you looked down at him, a sudden feeling of undeserving striking you in your chest, “You do so much for me lately. And you don’t ask for anything in return – you don’t let me do anything in return. Why?”

His smile twisted with a hint of sadness, and brown eyes met your gaze without so much as flinching, “Sweetheart, why do you think you have to repay me for that stuff?”

“I-”

“No, hear me out,” he reached up, taking your hand out of his hair and lacing his fingers with yours, slowly dragging it down to rest on his sternum, “I chose to do that stuff. And, yeah, maybe I was trying to take some of that shit off your plate. But you didn’t ask me to. I chose to. I wanted to do those things, do nice things for you, because you won’t let anyone else.” 

You bit back a scoff, “I let people do nice things for me-”

“You really don’t,” his hold on your hand tightened, “You really, really don’t. You constantly…. You just, you take care of everyone else, but you act afraid to let someone take care of you. People are allowed to take care of you, too, y’know? You should let them. They love you – they want to take care of you, just like you take care of them.” 

They love you. 

The air drained from your lungs in a slow, silent sigh. You waited a few minutes, but the oxygen never replenished as you tried to grasp his words. 

They love you. 

Why would they love me? 

“Why wouldn’t they love you, sweetheart?” Eddie looked more concerned now, suddenly prepared to sit up and remove his head for your lap. But his hand still held yours tightly, still clung to you, “You know they love you, right? God, you gotta know that. We all love you.” 

You hadn’t realized you’d spoken the bitter thought out loud until he looked at you, utterly heartbroken, in complete disbelief. “I…”

No. I don’t know that. What have I done to deserve their love? 

“They need me, sure,” you started, narrowing your eyes at the breaks in the waves of Lover’s Lake, “I mean, I just try to make myself useful to them. It’s the least I can do when I… when they…” you struggled to get the words out. You saw that hole again, like a light at the end of the tunnel, but so far from the relief most mean by that metaphor. Something peeking around the corner, ready to devour you all over again. So you plunged, you prepared yourself for it to spring to life and take you whole as you nearly whimpered, “When they put up with me. It’s the least I can do when they put up with me.” 

“No one puts up with you,” Eddie’s voice cracked. You couldn’t even look him in the eyes. “Least of all me.” 

The deadliest of blows. He cracked your hardened surface with that, shook the foundations of every belief you’d held for eternity. 

“Most of all you,” you corrected without thinking, “God, I- Eddie, seriously. What reason do you have for keeping me around? I don’t know how the fuck you put up with m-”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” you’d never heard him beg so painfully before then, “Please. Don’t… You want to know my reason?” you nodded numbly, finally looking to find him with wet eyes and lips pressed into a fine line, “Because you’re you. I… Fuck, I love you. I keep you around because you’re you. You’re good for me. Whether you believe it or not. You’re good for me just by being you, and there’s nothing you have to do to accomplish that,” you started to look away before he grabbed your cheeks, turning you to face him as he emphasized each word, “You don’t have to earn love. That’s not what love is. Got it?” 

You looked into his eyes, and saw all the soft declarations of love echoed back to you, even from the very start. 

‘Sweetheart, you don’t owe me your time. And I don’t need monopoly over it for us to be okay.’

‘The world doesn’t end just because you don’t constantly make yourself available.’

The entire time you’d been so worried about taking care of everyone else, he’d been worried about taking care of you. Endless late night phone calls, careful check-ins when he saw the exhaustion take the frontlines, sparse fights about putting yourself first. The only thing he ever wanted from you was for you to take care of yourself. 

While you were busy being there for everyone else, he was busy being there for you. 

He never once made you dig to the bottom of his grave to find the warmth. He’d handed it over on a silver platter. 

So how could you look him in his at that moment, and tell him that you didn’t ‘get it’? That you’d never been sure if what you were seeking from your friends was really love? That, really, you’d given up on being loved a long time ago, assuming it was asking too much? 

How do you look him in his eyes in that moment and tell him you had long since declared yourself unlovable? 

He didn’t make you say it. Only kept your cheeks pressed between his palms, as he leaned forward, forehead meeting yours and whispering words for only you, “I love you, no strings attached. You’re my… friend. I love you. Okay?”  

No one had ever fought so valiantly to get the point across. Not just that night at the lake, but in the entirety of his friendship with you. 

The hole slinked back behind the corner. The darkness decided it could wait another day. And in its place, warm brown eyes filled the void. Whether he even realized it or not. 

You nearly believed him. Nearly. But you bit down hard on that belief, throwing it out of sight, and instead of echoing back the ‘okay’ you assumed he was seeking out, all you did was sob out another, “Why?” 

When you collapsed into him, he held you. Your sobs remained dry, your confusion palpable as you clung to him and tried to let that belief envelope you like his arms had. 

I love you. 

How could someone love you? 

He didn’t press it the way you thought he would. He didn’t scold you for continuing to question him and he didn’t lash out at your disbelief. 

He just held you. Letting your face press into his neck as his fingers ran up and down your spine, giving it a moment before he started talking again. 

“Your humor,” he hummed after a couple moments of silence, heavy breathing eventually evening out. 

“What?”

“The way you take care of others,” he continued on like he hadn’t heard you, “That spark you get in your eyes when you tell someone about something good. A favorite book, movie, story from your day – whatever it is. The way you give the best hugs – and you don’t give me them nearly often enough. The way you snore, and the way you definitely deny snoring.” 

You opened your mouth, about to lift your head and argue with him, but he just placed an encouraging palm on the back of your head to keep you close to him. 

“The way your favorite color changes with the seasons. The way you only like artificial cherry flavoring, not the real stuff. The way you look at night when we’re driving and you’re just screaming your favorite lyrics. The way you look at me to see if a joke lands. The way you fuss about my wrinkled clothes, even when you also don’t care about the wrinkles in your own shirts. The way you take your coffee. The way you always offer to paint one of my nails to match yours. The way you treat your recipe for chocolate chip cookies like some top secret, government trade. But we both know it’s just some recipe from a cookbook you thrifted when you were ten. The way you get excited over the small things, like the cows we pass by on the way out here. They're always there, and you always point them out. The way you just… are.” 

He didn’t have to say it. He was answering your question. 

He was listing his whys. 

“You don’t have to earn it,” he didn’t say the word, not this time. You felt it, “It just… it’s there. It’s there and it’s not going anywhere. I’ll remind you of that every day if I have to.” 

Loved. For the first time ever, it felt like a possibility; to be loved. 

Eddie always knocks on your front door a certain way – a pattern he rarely strays from. But you can always tell. He’s the only fool who would find humor in knocking out such an annoying compilation of hits on the wooden panels until you finally unlatch the lock and open it to find him standing in your threshold. 

His hair is frizzy and in a low ponytail, wearing a baggy band shirt and plaid pajama pants. He greets you with such a wide smile, your chest aches. 

“Hey there, sweetness.” 

You don’t say a word, just drag him inside before you wrap your arms around his waist. Ever since that night, and his admittance of enjoying your hugs, you made a conscious effort to hug him more often. 

“Miss me?” he chuckles, and you feel the vibrations against your cheek as you softly pinch his side. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make him only laugh harder once you pull away. 

“Not at all,” you snark back as you make sure the door is securely shut and properly locked.

“Not even a little bit?”

“Nope.” 

He smacks a fist to his chest as if you had stabbed him with your words, “Ouch. You wound me, sweetheart.” 

“Get over it,” you tease. Your head has finally stopped swimming, your chest no longer tight with the fear of not being enough. Nancy is long forgotten as you say, “Have you eaten dinner?” 

“Depends,” he hums as he toes off his boots, “If you’re offering to buy me some, then no, I definitely did not eat spaghetti with Wayne right before you called.” 

You throw your head back laughing as he’s already making a beeline for your kitchen, digging out that damned takeout menu and reaching for the phone, already so sure of your order.

Knowing your order at restaurants. Without having to ask. Apparently, that was part of the whole ‘being loved’ gig. 

Adjusting has taken months. Since that night in Eddie’s van, he’d kept his word. Not a day went by without him finding a way to remind you, whether it be by direct words or small actions, that he loved you. You both kept it under that friendly guise. He loved you in that familiar way, the way the others supposedly loved you. A way you could manage to recognize some days. 

Other days were still rough. Days like today were still rough. 

The takeout is ordered and Eddie sets up camp on your couch, rambling about something that had happened during one of the DnD nights he still hosted with the kids. Something about a dumb decision Mike did that cost most of the group their character’s lives. You have a hard time following along, and he’s quick to pick up on it. 

“Hey, sweetheart?” he murmurs as you lean into the back couch cushion, smooshing your cheek as you watched him animatedly speak.

“Hm?”

“Bad day?” 

He never judged you for the rough days. He never judged you for the days you still couldn’t find the love, even after he worked so virtuously to show it to you. He may never understand it, that hollow ache that resided in your darkest corners and whispered that none of it was real, but it never deterred him.

He loved you on good days, and he especially loved you on bad days. 

You consider lying to him, but you can’t. Not when he looks at you so earnestly, “Yeah. It… yeah.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” he asks you, shuffling to be more comfortable where he sits as he motions for you to lay down. You do so immediately, head finding a home against his thigh and his fingers stroking over your cheek before they toy with the ends of your hair. 

All you can do is shake your head. You didn’t want to talk about that fear of failing Nancy as a friend, especially when you know that wasn’t her take away from it. It felt silly now; all that overthinking, when you know now if you questioned her on it, all she would have seen from the day was a friend lending a caring ear. You know because you had asked her about it once, if she found your listening habits too callous, upon Eddie’s insistence. 

She hadn’t. In fact, all she could do was thank you, had insisted that she was just grateful someone would listen to her ramblings. And you understood that, left it at that. 

“Okay,” he murmurs, voice so quiet you nearly miss it. His fingers continue to play across your shoulders now, barely weighted against bare skin, “That’s fine.” 

He didn’t mind if you didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t mind if you never spoke another word, if all you needed was him here. You just needed him close by and to sit with you, to make it all a little less much. 

Nothing. He needed absolutely nothing from you, asked nothing of you. Because you didn’t have to earn this. All you had to do was simply be, and he would provide this. 

Love. What an odd concept, to have found warmth in a grave you never even got the chance to dig your shovel into. 

“Hey, Eddie?” his fingers pause at your croaking voice. You smile at his stillness, at the way he hums carefully in response, still trying to offer the silence you quietly begged for, “I love you.” 

There’s more to unpack there. More than just familial love, more than just two friends that love each other without conditions. But tonight is not the night, and you both see that it is enough. There will be other nights to dig your claws in and to dissect what those three little words mean between you two. There will be other nights to consider how your other friends don’t have a permanent spare toothbrush on your bathroom counter or a space for their takeout in your fridge. But not tonight.

For tonight, this was enough. The quiet, and the warmth, the being was enough. 

“I love you,” he emphasizes the last word, leaning down and his lips grazing your temple. 

You notice the way he leaves off the too. He’d love you, even if you didn’t love him. You’d love him, even if he didn’t love you. Unconditional, no strings attached. A warmth you do not have to fight to earn. A rarity you never encountered before, and may never encounter again, but you have for tonight and for as long as he chooses to stick around. 

Your shovel sits abandoned in a shed in the distance. Your fingernails are clean of the dirt. The graveyard, it seems, would go another night without its robber. 

[ilovebuckers5]

⋆.ೃtreat me better ࿔*:･

paige Bueckers x fem!reader

words : 3k

themes :

-angst

-18+

-comfort

warnings :

-drinking

-slight sexual content

-homophobia

A/N - I got this idea at like 2 am and it took me three days to write it but I love it tbh.

No matter how close the game was, the girls will always go out after a win. Most times I choose to not tag along since i'll probably get pushed aside. This time Paige and the girls came home more excited than usual. They made it to the final four. I was laying on the couch watching a couple episodes of friends when the doorknob of my apartment shook open. The sound of Paige's keys jingling single handily lifted me off the couches cushions. My eyes lit up even more when Paige's bright eyes met with mine.

I was originally just a trainer for Paige when she tore her ACL but during all of that, I was also trying my best to improve my volleyball career. Once I realized that being Paige's trainer would lead to a bit more, I also realized that I would get invested in everything else. Now that she was healed I tagged along the other girls, helping them out when no one was there to help with their own injuries. Finally, the season was almost over. All the other people that helped out with the teams injuries were back and ready to work. So this was my chance to get back on the volleyball court and actually pursue something. Paige was there the whole way. Anytime I would push her away so that she could focus on her own goals she would say something along the lines of "you helped me so much y/n I can't just not give anything back" and I just couldn't say no when she had that sexy of a voice. Who said that. Everything was chill, me and Paige stayed friends and we helped each other reach our goals. It felt nice to have such a good friend by my side with all that I was going through.

Paige walked through the door and her bright blue eyes met mine. She had a couple tears of joy in her eyes ready to fall and once they did I was ready to gently wipe them away. I wrapped my arms around her torso while hers were lifting me up in the air. Wow she never did that before. A loud giggle left my mouth when i noticed that I was in the air now. The blondes arms had a tight grip on my waist, keeping me up with stability. When she finally let me down all she did was jump around the living room like a child. "Did you see me and Nika's blocks?" She yelled across the room while I stood in place with my hands on my hips. A very entertained look was on my face while I watched Paige leap through the living room. "Yes i did! I saw everything!" I rushed up to Paige to hold her in place and calm her down. Before I could pull her into another hug, our phones buzzed at the same time. Paige pulled hers out first and looked down at a text from KK asking if we were up for a party tonight. Without hesitation Paige grabbed onto my wrists and shook them around while begging for me to come with. "Are you serious Paige? We do this every time, i don't like parties...." Paige kept on whining while giving me puppy dog eyes. I guess this once wouldn't be bad.

WRONGGGG

So I gave in and went to my bathroom to get ready. Most of Paige's stuff was here already so she didn't bother going back to the teams house to get ready. I spent around 45 minutes getting ready. I don't know why. It's not like there would be anyone important there. It's just a party. Nothing more. I dragged the mascara wand against my eyelashes while blinking to dry them quicker. I took one last look in the mirror before going to my closet to pick out an outfit. My eyes were immediately drawn to a black tube top and some jean shorts. It was probably going to be cold outside so I grabbed a red zip up to cover my bare collarbones and shoulders. The only shoes I could find were my red converse which I was kind of lucky to have. I walked out of my walk-in closet to find Paige sitting on the edge of my bed, putting on a pair of shoes. The moment i stepped out, Paige's eyes were very obviously clinging to my body. She tried to hide the fact that she was staring hard at my top by complimenting me quickly. "Shit you look good! Everyone's gonna be on you..." Her words dragged on with very clear tones of jealousy. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a red button up flannel. Fuck me.

Once I had grabbed my purse and some lip balm, Paige held my hand while walking out the door and I locked it behind us. We walked over to Paige's car and the moment we got inside it was Drake on repeat. She sadly grabbed the aux before I could. The entire drive was filled with Paige's voice cracking every other lyric and me pretending to not know every line. The bar that the girls decided to be at seemed way nicer than the others. Of course I may have not been out either the girls a lot but the times that I was, most of the places they partied at were just a tad bit sketchy. Paige parked her car next to Aubrey's and stepped out of the car before brushing off her shirt by sliding her hands down her chest. She clearly wanted to look presentable. The second I heard Chase Atlantic playing on the speakers I couldn't resist from singing, almost screaming, to the lyrics. I waved to a couple of the girls who were sitting at a booth right ahead of me and Paige.

"What took ya'll so long?" KK said before shoving Paige's shoulder with a wide smile on her face. "This one did" Paige said gesturing behind her to me. "She must have someone to impress huh" Ice teased me while poking at my hip. I let out a forced laugh knowing that they were right. "Nuh uhhh. I just like doing my makeup to go out..." I lied quickly. Before anyone could make anymore remarks on how i cared about my appearance, Nika came around the corner with a plate of shots for everyone. I jumped up once she set down the cup and wrapped my arms around her back. "NIKA!" I squealed, clinging myself onto Nika's body. She leaned back a little, almost falling back from the intensity of my hug. "Woah! Heyyy!" Her arms settled around my waist, melting into my back. My eyes were shut against Nika's skin but when I opened them I saw Paige staring the both of us down with not an ounce of happiness on her face. I tried my best to not react but jesus it was hard. Is Paige Bueckers, my best friend, jealous that i'm hugging her teammate? Or am I just tweaking.

I stepped away from Nika and gave her a squeeze on her forearm before pulling Paige to the side and whispering to her. "You good? You looked pissed at me just right now." She did nothing but nod. Just a simple nod. She took a sip of her drink before going over to talk with Azzi. I looked around the building to see if there were any other girls scattered around the place but for the most part everyone seemed to be in the same place. I walked up to the table of our booth and took a shot before leaning my head on Paige's shoulder. Most people viewing from afar would think that we were dating but I swear we have no feelings for each other. Paige doesn't at least. I had been messing around with the short sleeve of Paige's flannel when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I spun around to find one of my old volleyball teammates staring at me. I didn't realize it was her until she gave me that 'bitch do you not know me' look. I gasped louder than ever before wrapping my arms around the girl. "Oh my God Liv?! What are you doing here?" I squealed while pulling myself out of the hug. "I transferred a couple months ago! I saw on your Instagram that you went here and decided to surprise you. Plus my boyfriend plays for the basketball team so..." I turned around to pull Paige over in Liv's direction to introduce the two girls. "Paige this is Liv!" I say, frantically tapping the blondes shoulder. "Remember we played volleyball together in high school?" Paige was silent but seemed chill. She just kept of nodding in agreement with the same enthusiasm I was giving her. "I'm gonna go catch up with her ok? Don't dance without me p!" I yelled out while walking across the bar to sit down with a couple of Liv's friends.

I ended up sitting between her and a brunette guy. I didn't want to rude, so I introduced myself to him before Liv could. "Hey I'm y/n." I held my hand out in front of the guy. He looked at me in the eye, making me notice that his eyes were even more blue than Paige's. Damn. He held onto my hand and shook it for what felt like longer than needed. He had a shy smile on his lips and did anything he could to not break eye contact with me. "I'm Carter." It felt like our hands were melting together before he pulled away to look at Liv. "Carter this is y/n!" Apparently me and Carter were quiet enough for people to not realize that we already knew each other by now. "Oh yeah she introduced herself already." He pointed his thumb to the side, motioning to me. A little time passed that was filled with mindless drunken conversations. My head had slowly fallen on Carter's shoulder and It took me by surprise when he didn't shove me off. So I pretended to sleep soundly when I was really listening in on whatever nonsense every what talking about now. I slowly tried to inch my arm through Carter's to loop our limbs together. This is when he knew that I wasn't asleep, he gently moved his arm away from his hip for me to fit my arms through before closing in on my arms. What the fuck am I doing. Now I tried my best to act tired when he tapped me "awake." I sat up and looked around while rubbing my eyes gently enough to not smudge any mascara. "I think I'm gonna head home now." Liv snapped her head to me and furrowed her eyebrows. "What why? We've only hung out for a little bit." She whined. "I don't know I'm just tired already." I groaned while standing up and grabbing my purse. I was about to leave when I felt Carter's strong hand hold onto mine while he lifted himself up. "Let me drive you home."

Me and Carter were halfway to exit when I remember that Paige was probably still waiting for me. Just as we were going to cross the booth that Paige and her team were at I changed my mind. "Actually Carter I'm sorry but I have a friend that goes home with me and I cant leave her alone." His expression changed immediately.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." He had his hand wrapped my wrist now.

"Seriously I would feel so shitty if I just left her." I laughed off what started to feel like fear.

"No. Come on stop being ridiculous, you need to get home." His hand started to tighten around my skin.

"Carter can you stop. Just let me go home with her." I started to try and shake my arm out of his grip.

"Y/n just fucking stop. Lets go." He tugged on my wrist, trying to lead me out the door. This was perfect timing for me to be in the girls' sight now.

"Shit! Carter let me go!" I stopped walking and stood still while trying to pry his hand off of my wrist.

Finally Paige looked up and saw what was going on. Not a single ounce of hesitation crossed her mind. She stood up and rushed over to me. "Hey man let her fucking go!" She stormed in Carter face while holding a hand around my waist, pulling me away from the brunette. Carter was startled away by the 5'11 girl that had just as much confidence and more than his own. I had a couple tear in my waterline but quickly got rid of them by blinking and wiping the wet streaks of of my face. "Woah back off, I'm just trying to take her home." Carter snapped at Paige. "No, fuck off." Paige turned around with me in her grasp and walked back over to the booth. Everyone but Caroline didn't even realize what just happened. "Fine, I wouldn't want to fuck a dyke anyway." Carter yelled back at both me and Paige. It took everything in me to not turn around and swing at Carter. So Paige did it for me. she threw a hard punch right at the brunettes nose, knocking him back against the floor. "Jesus Paige!" I wrapped my hands around both of her arms and pulled her away. Her adrenaline faded away in less than a second but I swear I could still see fume flowing out of her ears. She winced while rubbing her knuckle back and forth. "Lets go." Paige said coldly while look down at Carters now bloody face. I nodded silently before holding onto her hand and walking the two of us out the exit door. Surprisingly, Paige hand gotten even a little tipsy that night. As much as I didn't want to make her drive, I didn't want to get into a crash at 12 am so Paige drove me to my apartment and unlocked the door. "Paige no. come in." I refused to let her drop me off and deal with whatever anger was built up in her alone.

I practically dragged Paige out of the car and through my door. She seemed more drunk than I was right now. I walked her to my bathroom and tapped on the counter, gesturing for her to sit down on it. She lifted herself up and winced again after putting pressure of her wounded hand. Her legs were swinging back and forth while she fidgeted with her own thumbs and I grabbed a first-aid kit and some rubbing alcohol. Her legs were spread just enough for me to fit myself in-between. I rested against her thigh while holding her fist in my hand and gently swiping away the excess blood. "This is gonna hurt." Were the only words I let out from when she punched Carter to when we almost fell asleep. I dabbed a cotton ball soaked with rubbing alcohol on the very tip of her knuckle, causing Paige's head to tilt back while she swayed her feet a bit more aggressively. "Shit!" she whined a bit before I pulled the cotton ball away and threw it in the trash can. Now that her fist was clean I could've just left it like that. I could've cleaned up the mess, put everything away and go to sleep. But of course I had to raise her hand up to my lips and place a gentle kiss on her knuckle. A lingering smell and taste of rubbing alcohol transferred to my lips but I tried to hide that. When I looked up, Paige's eye were locked onto mine. I did everything in me to attempt to look away but before I could I felt Paige's soft lips pressed into mine. I quickly got more comfortable with the kiss and slowly moved my hands to wrap around Paige's waist. I tilted my head to the side to perfectly fit her nose in between my eye socket and my own nose. She pulled away gently to look at me and protest what just happened. "I'm sorry-"

"Shut the fuck up."

I moved my hand up to Paige jawline and continued to wrap my lips around hers. I could feel that she didn't want to pull away but felt like she had the need to. "Sit up." I whispered through kisses and that she did. Paige stood up and moved her hands around my back, slowly moving them closer to my ass. I led her to my room and shut the door behind me before pushing her against the bed. I unlatched our lips to speak one more time.

"How long have you wanted to do this?"

"Long fucking time."

"I know."

I let my tongue slip in between Paige's lips, tangling itself with her own. Her hands were now running a long my back under my shirt. I pulled away for one last second to take of my shoes and jacket before fully crawling on top of Paige's lap and placing kisses down her neck and collarbones. Soft whines escaped the blondes mouth as I move closer to the opening of her flannel. Without removing my lips from her skin, I unbuttoned the flannel to reveal just a black sports bra. I looked up at Paige, giving her a look that was waiting for approval to take off her bra. She nodded eagerly giving me the chance to take it off. I couldn't help but stare at her tits before moving my lips further down her chest now reach her stomach. I traced my lips against each toned ab that she had. I could feel her stomach flexing against my mouth once I reached her bikini line. Now I gently unzipped her jeans and slipped them down her legs before tossing them to the side. The only noise I heard were the desperate whines leaving Paige's mouth, getting louder the lower I moved my lips. I practically tore her boxers off.

This is what I needed.

[delta-chan]

Thoughts about Dawntrail map six

Needless to say, very heavy spoilers beneath the read more!

I was initially a bit wary of Living Memory's telegraphed "reverse Ultima Thule" structure until I got the prompt that the scenery would be irreversibly altered at the first terminal. I panicked because like a lot of people I thought "oh nice, I'll come back here later for some nice gpose shots". That this beautiful place would have to be taken away for you to progress was almost incomprehensible to me and in that moment the genius of it clicked. It wasn't just a reverse spin on Ultima Thule's structure--it was a reverse spin that was going to back it up to an extreme.

The ephemerality of life is something FFXIV has touched on many times before, including as one of the chief themes of Endwalker. But while in Endwalker this was on a grand scale as a part of radical acceptance as a whole, Dawntrail's second half explores this idea in a more focused, intimate fashion. While the WoL has no one they are close to that they can engage with in an experience with like Erenville, Krile, and Wuk Lamat--they have the environment. And being that you're the person behind the WoL with an investment in that environment on some level the finality of moving forward hits you like a sack of bricks.

I spent a lot of time being kind of awed by this--it's a very, very solid gimmick. I sort of paused at the first prompt going "haha there's no way, right…?" before going "wait" and immediately setting out to take a bunch of quick shots. That place wasn't going to exist anymore, and I wanted a memory of it. That beautiful place--a painstakingly detailed and gorgeous bit of gpose bait if I've ever seen it--wasn't going to exist if I wanted to move on. It was… weird. I took so many nearly identical shots trying to get perfect ones because there was only ever going to be that moment. In the future there'll be new game plus. You might have alts. But in that moment, experiencing it for the first time... it's… really effective. Startlingly effective.

The fact that when I was watching the map introduction and thought about how Living Memory was an almost tailor-made gposing space (and let's face it probably is for exactly this reason) that I would have a lot of fun taking screenshots at later made me think about how many other people thought, are thinking, and will think the same thing not knowing that they're taking it for granted. Who would...? It's absurd. Why would the map be altered to such a degree that it'd be rendered gone all but in name...? It hasn't happened before. So why would it happen now? Why would it even come to mind?

And the thing is--even if someone warns you, even if you're spoiled, even if you have someone fly you from place to place--the terminals are still going to have to be shut down eventually if you want to move forward. You cannot keep it. Living memory is made to be seen once then destroyed by your own hand.

I mean--at the end of the MSQ I thought, perhaps naively, that Living Memory was going to be restored because the threat was resolved. I mean--everyone's gone. There's no need for the environment to stay gone as well, right...? I mean, they put so much loving detail into it!

Wrong.

In the immediacy of when I first finished Endwalker during its early access I wrote that I never wanted to return to Ultima Thule because it creeped me out. The map was emotionally fraught, and my first experience with it was being released into an incredibly dark map with a discordant soundtrack, jumping out of my seat at another player passing by. But returning to it for hunts and the Omicron quests I saw it for the vibrant, beautiful place that it was. It changed for the better and stayed that way.

In spite of how much I've talked up Living Memory's beauty and how much it inspires the drive to capture the moment before it leaves you, it's also far more disconcerting than Ultima Thule from the very beginning in an altogether different manner. Living Memory is something that you want to be that shouldn't be. Both in the context of the MSQ and as a map in general--you want to take screenshots, you want to linger, but the unchanging weather effect and languidly pleasant music begin to push against you if you stay too long.

When everything's said and done Living Memory becomes a featureless husk that now has natural changing weather. At night there are motes of light, golden remains of the once oppressive reminiscence. And in the background as if being piped from distant speakers, the languidly pleasant and slightly warped BGM echoing through the nothingness like an amusement park's PA system playing music for no one after closing for the last time.

It's something you didn't want that needs to be.

[mysticcrownwolf]

So your girl finally had a autistic meltdown and finally asked her mum about her childhood and got some mixed results but long story short I am finally getting an official autism and adhd diagnosis because in my mums words “Everyone deserves things that make their life easier to live”. Not gonna lie guys I did cried about this but it also came up that they did tried to get me diagnosed before (I don’t remember this at all) but were told I just had very high levels of hyperactivity so to make sure this type of bullshit doesn’t happen again I am making a list of all my weird or quirky traits and having the neurodivergents of Tumblr peer review them so I can finally get a diagnosis after 19 years of struggling.

1) I didn’t ever in my life made or had friends that stick around.

2) I was actually alienated a lot by most people in my life for being the umbrella term they all coined as ‘weird’ what this weird means varies from person to person.

3) I have actually been told by other girls that they gave me a chance to keep them company even after many people told them I was too weird and they should stay away from me. These same people later called me slurs, were self absorbed or just plain abusive towards me.

4) Through out my whole life I have sat alone on a double bench because no one wanted to sit with me in class.

5) I have a problem with properly spelling certain words like I write weird as ‘wierd’ or video as ‘vedio’.

6) People constantly doubt I have any sense of knowledge and act like any good idea I give is a surprise even when I was on the top of the class the phrases like “ That’s the first good idea you ever had” weren’t uncommon.

7) I walk a lot and I mean a lot enough that hyperactivity has still been a part of my diagnostic because I walked so much they had no choice but to put that in. I actually come to the school 30 minutes early then walked the whole time, I would just up and leave classes to walk in corridors because I couldn’t sit still long enough, my walking is such a huge part of me my old teachers still tell their classes about me as the girl that walked too much.

8) People in my college nicknamed me the headphone girl because I walked around our whole campus( I would pace a lot around the parameters) with my only noticeable feature being my headphones.

9) I was the only kid in my school not scared of bugs which lead to some notable incidents

I once picked a small green caterpillar and showed it off to my class of 10 year olds they started crying and teacher made me throw the bug even though I wanted to keep it as a pet

Our teacher once asked us to bring butterflies to class so I captured around 30 butterflies put them in a breathable Tupperware and took those to class me being the only person who did this freaked out all the other children with my butterflies , we later released them all in recess it was very pretty

I not only volunteered but gleefully presented live earthworms on my palm to various groups of parents in our school science fare much to the horrified looks of many parents and children about how a little girl like me wasn’t screaming from handling earthworms.

I scared our class mean girl by capturing a butterfly and then turning my hand holding the butterfly in her direction she and a few other girls screamed when I tried to tell them that the little critter was harmless and even offered to let them hold her (I was very confused why they didn’t like this).

10) I was friends with a lot of my teachers as well as higher class teachers especially the Science, Social studies and English teachers. I would often spend my recess in the biology lab chatting with the biology teacher about the different specimens in the lab and how much I enjoyed biology in general. I am half sure I would have loved to study biology/medicine if not for the fact it was a minimum investment of 7 years though I am still an avid reader of new biological discoveries and follow many niche youtube channels that focus on flora and fauna.

11) I was actually friends with all 3 principles in my school and would go to them after my last class to chat about my school day. This was so bizarre to others but I actually enjoyed how much these adults would listen to my info dump even if my own peers won’t.

12) Every single time my report card came I would usually top the class in most subjects except maths in which I usually underperformed ( don’t worry guys I figured out later I just need to know every basic concept to get the deep understanding of mathematical principles which my teachers were very bad at build but I later learned how to do it myself) but it would always have in big bold letters that “I talked to much and have weird questions and am disruptive in class ” which my bad I thought I could get details about what your are teaching and develop great interest but nah we just need to complete the syllabus as fast as we can. Salt on the wound I would only ask questions and discuss topics in class with the teacher since I don’t have friends I could talk to in class. They deadass never ever punished a single student from disrupting in class except me the girl who asked silly questions about what we were studying maybe they thought my questions were weird so I was asking them to disrupt they flow of the class rather than genuine curiosity who knows

13) I had very bad anger issues stemming from how the system as well as authority figures treated me ( I have since been to therapy and gotten help for it ) but a lot of time I verbally and physically attacked an authority figures usually when they punished me for something I didn’t do or when they tried to empty out their frustration on me or tried to bully me in anyway. I never took bullying face down from anybody be it younger or older than me my flight or fight response was always on fight

14) People did tried to bully me physically or verbally but I always returned it in kind with interest so it never really stuck like the isolation did. My most memorable experience with bullying was when I bitch slapped our school mean girl so hard the whole ground heard it , I don’t think I ever got any punishment for it and she later burned every friendship she had by throwing her whole group under the bus for some vandalism they did.

15) I unfortunately never had friends so when they school told me telling an authority figure I am being teased, harassed or even that someone is breaking the rules is what’s morally right I ran with the rules set for me rather than knowing the social norms that this would mark me as the school snitch without the teachers ever doing anything about the issues. Unfortunately I learned the hard way through trial and error that once you are labelled as a snitch their is nothing you can do to get that tag off and it comes with the added benefit of making people never talk to each other near me or even just leave the places I visit alone so yay more loneliness for me

16) I actively volunteered for every single activity and program my school office this sounds great but I picked and got selected for all 7 different fairs (English, Hindi, Maths, Science, Social science, Music, Art) but rather than pick out one or two I helped out with all 7 of them. They later added a 3 groups per person limit.

17) I am actually trained in both classical instrumental and singing but couldn’t complete my singing degree before the program closed down and it’s been 6 years since I played a Casio that I don’t think that even matters anymore. Anyway I added this because at first I did both of these at the same time along with volunteering for all the other activities before they added a 1 course per year limit which is a shame since it cost me my vocal degree.

18) I love reading that just the fact I found reading in my school library when I was 8 haven’t let it go since by my librarian’s estimate I read almost 3000 books (mostly children books) from my school library. I also have a mini collection of about 300 books that I have passed down to both of siblings. These days I read mostly on ao3 or the occasional paperback I bought at the airport but reading is still something I do almost daily.

19) See one thing about me is I was one of the first student at my school so much so my identification number was 35 so me being such an old student my school has actually legends about my quirky ( neurodivergent ) behaviour which has made me understand where most legends actually come from

I walked out of classes so many times teachers to this day still tell stories of the weird girl that likes to walk

My whole school knew who I was mostly because I would be the first and only person that likes to answer philosophical questions asked by our principal in the assembly, I was also great with improvising assembly conductions, thought of the days, assembly quizzes, full speeches on topics told to me 2 minutes ago, even improvised song recitations (can you guys pick up I have social anxiety now).

As I told you my lovelies I love reading so if I was immersed in a book and the class started I would just hide the book to read in class once I got caught so I got termed the girl who like to read books in class( is it stupid yes did it still happened certainly). I later learned to zone out to the stories in my mind during class which was very helpful.

As I told you guys I was actually on pretty friendly terms with my principal and teachers so guess who became the teachers pet for the next 8 years even though most teachers care jack shit about my interest and was further alienated because of this me ofcourse.

I actually once locked myself in the school bathroom for like 4 hours because I hadn’t completed the homework a teacher had given me and she was quite physically abusive towards me. I got suspended for a week because of this funnily enough nobody in my school actually remember this and most are really surprised to know I was suspended.

I am actually really famous or infamous by the way you look at it for physically assaulting a teacher funnily enough the name of the teacher, why I am attacked them and even how I hit them changes from person to person I have actually heard 10-15 different variations from different people( I am not even sure if I actually ever hit a teacher most I remember is I lunged at one teacher but she stepped back so I didn’t even touch her).

20) I was depressed from age 14 to 17 which caused me to chronic pain which later caused me to meet my current psychologist who helped me a lot but is vehemently against me getting any sort of neurodivergent diagnosis most she say is I have borderline adhd tendencies and that I think to much and should focus on calming down my mind which honestly is quite invalidating.

21) I can’t wear any sort of itchy or frilly materials when I was younger ( the texture was soo bad) but my sister could which made my mother think I was being a drama queen.

22) When I was younger I use toilet paper after using a bidet because the feeling of wet pants would over stem me so bad it’s not a problem for me anymore except from sometimes during winters.

23) I didn’t know Chewelry existed when I was younger so I chewed on my nails/skin,my lips, squishy parts of remotes, plastic toys, legos, scarfs, hoody strings, hot glue gun glue, chalk, cement, sand, mud etc. (Yes I know about the microplastics now no I don’t care).

24) I am highly sensitive to sounds so if my fan have a weird creak sound I won’t be able too sleep I also can’t sleep if I hear a clock ticking or any other repetitive sounds ( my mum still doesn’t understand why I can’t just force myself to sleep).

25) I also can’t sleep in continuous silence I need background noise to fall asleep.

26) It took me a whole year of forcing myself to wear bra and panties for my body to finally get used to me wearing them. It was a stimulation nightmare but I think it was worth it I enjoy wearing bras and panties now.

27) I can’t eat apples like I physically cringe even thinking of the sensation of biting into an apple. I have tried cutting an apple into every single why I could I still can’t swallow or even properly chew an apple the texture is such a sensory nightmare for me. Cabbage used to be the same for me but though constant reintroduction I can usually for myself to eat it with a glass of water

28) I have had many foods be absolutely sensory nightmare for me throughout my childhood. I was a very picky eater think bread, soup, lentils and noodles(packet noodles without vegetables). I couldn’t eat any kinds of fruits(except banana), vegetables, pizza , burgers (still don’t eat this), dumplings, wraps, pasta,etc. Heck I was a vegetarian for majority of my life before I learned chicken is actually a great textured food for me though I still don’t eat any form of red meat or sea foods and my food list is still very limited I have constantly reintroduced many foods for myself over the years which I can now usually bear to eat. I also learned that I can usually consume fruit and vegetables better if they are liquids so fruits juices, smoothies and soups were also great help.

29) I was and still am an absolutely clean freak and organiser. Like my bag use to have books organised in this specific order English, Hindi, Maths, Science and then Social studies and it needs to been in this order or I would get anxious. Fortunately no one else in my house ever wanted to organise anything so I would organise everything with way I would want it to be while also being neat.

30) One of my biggest sources of stress came from how dirty my siblings made our room. I would deep clean everything and then organise our books , toys and clothes and then clean and organise our bed they would just bulldozers through and ruin all my hard work in a day or two. Unfortunately I had this sense of cleanliness and order since I was a child and my siblings who were even younger then me weren’t slobs(ok maybe my brother was but anyway) they just weren’t wired to like cleanliness and order like I did and being children anything I told them about how we can keep our room clean went over their heads because I was always their to do it for them.

31) I actually had many special interests growing up though I didn’t have trains as an interest except for the cool toy train set I got as a gift or the maglev trains who are objectively very cool. My biggest special interest were rocks, space and animals especially all the books Nat geography and scholastic puts out on animals. I actually had a rock collection mostly made up of sedimentary rock and a piece of lime stone which my mother later kept in the shed where it got lost during home construction. I also have a modest collection of books and another collection of small childhood trinkets that I still have (I recently bought a clay bird that mimics actual bird call when filled with a little water to add to my collection).

32) I forget I need to eat and drink it’s always been like this I don’t have that internal clock that says you are thirsty go drink water or you are hungry go eat food . I need to remind myself it’s been 12 hrs I probably need water it’s been 32 hrs you should probably get some food or at least have a protein shake it’s like my body has no sense of hunger or thirst but I am getting better at eating and drinking at least the drinking water part anyway.

33) I am tired it’s not recent but in the last few years since I became an adult I feel so tired I use to be the topper of my class the gifted children that participated in everything now I am in college and just getting an 80% feels draining everyone has so much hope for me that I could and should do better but I am just tired. I walk and trekk sometimes but I don’t participate in any events and I see others I see my roommate who participates in like 5 different events and still gets a 95% if she can do it why can’t I. I use to be able to do so much and now I don’t have the drive to do much of anything anymore it’s so painful to realise that I should do better but what does better looks like for someone who is as tired as I am.

I did took some online test as well just to see if I even had a chance and the results were mostly the same I have many Adhd/Autistic tendencies and should probably get a professional diagnosis. I would be very thankful if my fellow autistic and adhd people would help me add more targeted experiences so I can finally get a diagnosis

@my-autism-adhd-blog you inspired me write all of this down and it would be very helpful if you could guide me to get a better diagnosis because of your experience. Also I greatly enjoy the contents of your blog so thank you for that

[sssammich]

💚 true love's kiss / magic kiss / healed

i got you anon! sorry this took a while.

💚 true love's kiss / magic kiss / healed for supercorp*

ask meme

THIS ABSOLUTELY RAN AWAY FROM ME IM SO SORRY

---

"your true love is an alien."

well. there's certainly a lot to unpack from that, isn't there?

let's try.

first. this short and frumpy old lady with both hands on her hips is standing in front of her desk, somehow able to bypass security and her assistant, jess, who is mysteriously absent from her desk.

second. aliens aren't real. right? (right?)

third. the concept of true love is laughable. this is the 21st century and subscribing to these silly fairytale notions of true love is a lot of bullshit. let alone the idea that there is someone even out there for lena in that capacity. nevermind that apparently the only possible candidate for such a title is someone who isn't even human.

fourth. what does this even all mean? and why is she allowing her conference call to madrid get completely derailed by this woman who looks like she's more suited for the kitchen of a small hole in the wall italian restaurant and not the middle of a fortune 500 corporate office.

(all this to say that when lena eventually looks back at her life, she'll think that this is probably not even top five of the weirdest things to happen to her. it might just barely squeak into the top ten, though.)

still, she's faced with a strange predicament at this time. like how to get this lady out of her office.

yet instead of shooing this lady out, her mouth opens to say, "what's next, are you gonna tell me that magic is also real?"

the old lady in front of her just shrugs. "true love is magic, dearie. keep up, mm?"

when she opens her mouth again, she's just about to dismiss this lady, but it doesn't even matter because as soon as she blinks, she's alone.

-

something saves her.

no wait, it's someone. someone saves her.

her helicopter is crashing, the pilot is dead and dying beside her, and they're plummeting.

until, of course, they're not.

because someone is carrying her burning helicopter down on a hellipad and yanking the door out to check on them. lena's heart is in her throat and her lungs are somewhere in her stomach and she doesn't know if she's still even alive. but this someone is definitely hovering before she's holding lena securely.

"hi," the woman says, tentative, blue eyes and blonde hair and armsarmsarms and a red cape and--

something inside of lena's heart changes-transforms-evolves.

and then she passes the fuck out.

-

when she wakes, it's to dim lighting in a hospital room, the beeping of her heartrate monitor. distantly, she hears very little outside which means she's in a much more private wing of the hospital.

she sits up a little when a nurse comes in holding a tray.

except it's not a nurse at all. but the same lady from before.

"you."

"hello, dearie."

so many questions jump at the forefront of her mind. understandable and reasonable questions like hey lady what the fuck are you doing here? how did you get in? what do you want from me? are you here to kill me? stuff like that.

except the flashes of earlier appear in her mind and she recalls blonde blue red. she gasps.

the old lady smiles. "very good, dearie. they did say you were smarter than the others."

"what do you want from me?"

"nothing."

"then what are you doing here?" she asks, her voice gaining strength, her hands balling into fists by her side.

"just consider me an invested party."

before she can voice anything, the old lady places her cup of jello and plastic spoon by her thigh.

"take care, dearie. tell her i said hello, mm?"

lena's brows furrow, questions crowding her mind as she attempts to make sense of everything but failing to do so. the last she hears is a snap of fingers and she falls into a dreamless sleep.

-

when lena next wakes, she's back in her office. a week after the failed assassination attempt on her life.

the buzz of her intercom signals jess's voice. "miss luthor, your 2pm appointment is here. would you like me to let her in."

"go ahead."

she stands by her desk and brushes at her skirt just as the door opens to reveal a beautiful and bespectacled woman with her hair pulled in a ponytail.

blonde blue red.

lena's mouth dries and her insides do a somersault. she remembers the helicopter, the hospital, the old lady. the words your true love is an alien pinballing in her head (in her heart in her heart in her heart).

"hi, miss luthor. thanks for meeting with me."

lena looks at the offered hand. strong hands that have held her before. on a burning helicopter.

"of course..." she says, waiting for the woman to fill in the blanks.

"kara. kara danvers."

"well, kara, call me lena."

it takes five eternal seconds for them to let go of each other's clasped hands.

-

lena finds out about kara bit by bit. through interviews, through professional coffee meetings, through informal coffee meetings, through casual walks around downtown and the city parks, through casual lunches and dinners and desserts.

congregating around food so she holds a fork or a burger or an ice cream cone in her hand while she fights the urge to hold kara's hand.

lena learns about who kara is. a reporter by day (who moonlights as a superhero, lena muses, but kara doesn't share that information). an avid pop music lover and movie buff. a regular buff with hard cuts of muscles. arms arms arms arms--

kara is lame. a dork. goofy. foolish. beautiful. quiet. pensive. perceptive. deep. kind. loving. oh, so loving. so very loving.

kara is a hugger. a holder. an engulfer. an overwhelmer. she is the ocean and lena is the lone driftwood that crashes against waves. lena wants to be washed ashore only for the ocean to capture her once more because the ocean can't be denied.

she doesn't want to deny kara.

"lena?"

she blinks back to her present, washing away the cloud of her thoughts. right. they're at dinner. her fork held midair just before her mouth. they are in kara's apartment.

"yes, darling?"

kara smiles at her, though there is concern in her eyes. "where'd you go just now?"

she wants to say she went to the ocean but it's true either way when she offers her best smile to kara who mirrors it easily, breezily.

"i was just thinking that your cooking has gotten better."

kara ducks her head, her smile turning shy. "thanks, lena."

lena doesn't want to deny kara.

-

briefly, distantly, lena thinks that perhaps there's an inevitability to this moment.

this moment being:

kara is standing in front of her with her button down shirt opened to the fifth button where lena sees the S emblem over kara's chest.

"i wanted to tell you. f-for so long, i just--" she stops herself and takes a deep breath. "i'm sorry, lena."

lena is quiet. her vision unable to focus on any one thing. she looks at the blonde of her hair out of its regular ponytail. at the blue of kara's eyes. at the red of the symbol atop her chest.

blonde blue red.

"you're an alien." she announces it for the first time, despite the truth have sat carefully under her tongue for months.

kara swallows, then nods. "lena-"

what did that old lady say? she can't remember right now because her brain is buzzing, her heart is thumping, and the overwhelming urge to melt into kara is all she can think about.

she propels forward, pushing up on the tips of her toes, and kisses kara.

kara's arms are around her, hands holding her, body engulfing her.

soft lips slide against hers, press upon her, permanently transforming the chemistry of her body with the way that kara is now part of her.

when they break apart, she only grins at the dazed expression on kara's face.

"you...you like me too?"

she is beaming because of course she likes kara too, likes her more than like. so she answers by kissing kara again.

-

for their first date, kara takes her to a small italian hole-in-the-wall restaurant.

"this is my favorite italian spot in the city. in the state, actually. maybe even the country!" kara exclaims, excitedly talking and gesticulating but making sure that their hands stay interlaced with one another.

when they get there, they're seated right away, a young woman seating them in the back booth.

"hi, kara. table for 2?"

kara nods and lena watches. "you come here often?" she asks.

"yeah. i hit this place up at least a couple times a month. good thing my metabolism allows me to eat as much pasta as i want. the chef in the back makes it fresh every day."

amidst drinking wine and twirling their forks in their pasta, kara is leaning closer to her, the two of them sitting adjacent to each other, their elbows grazing each other on the corner.

when they finish, kara pays, insists on it, and asks if they can stop by the kitchen to pay compliments to the chef. with hands still intertwined, kara pushes the swinging door forward, and calls for chef nina.

lena watches as kara releases her hold of lena and approaches the short and frumpy old lady who only wipes her hands on a stained white apron before opening her arms up to receive kara's hug.

over kara's shoulder, the old lady winks at lena.

and lena?

well, she just laughs and laughs, kisses kara on the lips, and hugs the old lady.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Practice Makes Perfect

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Actress!Reader

Word Count: ~1.7k

Warnings: none, nervous!jensen that's super cute

Request by anon: Hey, can i request a series or one shot with Jensen x actress/singer reader, where the reader is very famous actress and singer that work in Marvel as Black Widow, Game of Thrones, TVDU, etc and Jensen loved her and always are talking about her in set without knowing that she is Gen Padalecki best fiends and Jared Padalecki friends and Jared tell her all Jensen said about her so she was casted as a new character who is Dean love interest without him knowing and in the end they end together and have kids?

Summary: You're a famous actress that's been in lots of movies and TV shows. Jensen has a huge crush on you and doesn't know that the newest person to be hired onto Supernatural is none other than you.

Square Filled: what if (2022) for @spndeanbingo

Author’s Note: just pretend that each of the shows/movies she's been in took place one after the other instead of going on at the exact same time.

x

Jared and Jensen have a few minutes alone before their panel. Jared is snacking on whatever they provided them with while Jensen is sitting on the couch browsing on his phone. Jared has his wife on FaceTime as he is stuffing his face, and she laughs at the food dripping from his mouth.

“Baby, why can’t you eat normally?”

“What? I’m hungry,” he says, more food spewing from his mouth.

“Our kids eat better than you,” she chuckles.

“Jen, tell her I eat normally.” Jared turns to his friend but Jensen isn’t listening to a word he’s saying. He has one of his Airpods in watching a video. “Are you guys coming to the panel?”

“Yeah, we’re just exploring right now.”

“Hi, Daddy!” Odette smiles and jumps into the frame.

“Hey, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Say bye!”

All three of his kids say bye just before Gen hangs up on him. Jared finishes eating his snack before walking over to his friend. He takes a seat next to him to see what video he’s watching and smirks when he sees you on the screen.

“So, what do you want to do when the panel is over? What section of the convention do you want to visit?” Jared asks knowing Jensen isn’t listening.

He’s too invested in the video of you doing press for your new Marvel movie. You play the elusive Black Widow in all of the Marvel films, and you just got done filming your own solo movie. You’ve done some press for the movie even before it comes out to prepare people for what to expect and things of that nature.

“You’re obsessed with her,” Jared chuckles.

“Shut up, I’m not,” Jensen barks. “I’m just an admirer of her movies.”

“You have posters of her locked away in your collection.”

Jensen slaps his friend on the chest and continues watching the video. It’s true, Jensen has a major crush on you not only for Black Widow but for every role you’ve ever done. You’ve played Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones, Katherine and Elena in The Vampire Diaries, and so much more. You’re such a talented person that acting is like second nature to you. You can do almost any role you’ve ever landed, and you’ve won a lot of awards for it which you’re proud of.

“Damn, look at her. She’s gorgeous,” Jensen says with metaphorical hearts in his eyes. Jared laughs and Jensen shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I have a major crush on this woman. What are you gonna do about it?”

“We’re about to do a panel. Come on.”

Jensen and Jared get ready to go out on stage. All their fans cheer for them when they make an appearance. Jared scans the audience to see his wife there with her phone pointed at him. He nods once and turns to Jensen knowing his wife is getting this on video.

“Alright, any questions?” Jared asks. A lot of hands go up in the air, and he points to the person whom Gen gestures. “What’s your name?”

“Elisa. I’m such a huge fan of both of you. My question is for Jensen. I watched a video you did talking about the actress Y/N. She just finished her movie Black Widow. Is it true you have a crush on her?”

Everyone cheers for this question but quiets down to give Jensen an opportunity to answer. His entire face reddens at the question and becomes extremely conscious of what he’s wearing, what he’s saying, and how he’s behaving as if you’re in the room.

“Wow, there’s a lot to unpack here. Look, she’s gorgeous, I’m not gonna lie. If she were standing in front of me now, I don’t think I’d form complete sentences. So, yes, I have a crush on her.”

Everyone laughs at how shy he’s becoming, and Gen looks at the person she’s on FaceTime with.

“He’s so cute,” you chuckle through the screen. “Very charming.”

You’re a really good friend of the Padalecki family. You met Gen through a non-profit organization she was funding a while back and became fast friends with her. She and Jared welcomed you into their family immediately but it was never known to Jensen that you knew them.

“Just wait until you meet him in person.”

“Isn’t it true that there is still an opening for that female character on their show?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m in between projects right now. I’d be happy to audition if you want to bring that to Jared.”

“I’ll have him hook you up,” Gen smirks.

“Is that Y/N?” Shep asks and forces his face into the frame.

“Hey, Shep,” you grin.

Supernatural is about to start filming its eleventh season which means the director is desperate to fill the role of Dean’s love interest. Jared brought you up as an option, the director had you audition, and you were offered the part before leaving the building to go home. Jensen still doesn’t know that you were the one who was offered the role, just that the position had been filled.

“Isn’t it a bit suspicious that we haven’t met this new person?” Jensen asks.

“Talk to the director, dude.” Jared gets a call from the director and answers it with a smile. “Hey. Are you here? … Perfect. I’ll be right there.”

“Whose that?”

“Gen is here. I gotta go. I’ll be right back.”

Jared leaves before Jensen can ask any other questions. He meets up with you and the director who is waiting for him on the other side of the set.

“Jared!” you grin and give him a friendly hug. “Working together is going to be so fun.”

You’re not sure how long you’ll be on the show, but you hope it’s going to last years.

“Is he ready?”

“He’s practicing his lines right now.”

Jared escorts you to the main set where Jensen is. He’s already in his Dean clothes since they are scheduled to film right now. His back is turned to you when you enter the room so you think this is the perfect opportunity to scare him. He is holding a prop gun and muttering his lines when you jump in front of him. He yelps and drops the gun as you let out an infectious laugh.

“What?” he stutters when he sees you.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you grin and hold out your hand for him. Jensen is a stuttering mess but shakes your hand nonetheless. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“She’s going to play your new love interest,” Jared says and slaps him on the back lightly.

“It’s going to be so much fun working with you.”

“Yeah, same here,” Jensen manages to get out. “Excuse me for a second.” He brings Jared off to the side to talk to him privately. “What the hell? Did you know about this?”

“Yeah, she’s a family friend.”

“How did I not know this?”

“I’m good at keeping secrets when I want to,” he chuckles.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be in the same room as her.”

“You’re welcome,” Jared smirks and pats his back.

Jared walks away just as you approach Jensen.

“I hope you’re okay with me being here.”

“More than okay,” he smiles shyly. I love your movies. You’re an amazing actress.”

“Thank you,” you smile. “I love this show. Dean just so happens to be my favorite character.”

That makes Jensen blush. Over the next couple of months, you’ve been filming with the boys as much as you can. It’s been nothing but fun especially when you participate in their pranks on Misha. You and Jensen are growing closer, more than you ever thought you would. He’s super nice, sweet, charming, and very sexy. He’s everything a girl would want in a man. This was inevitable, but you got to the part in your onscreen relationship where your characters share a kiss. He’s super nervous as are you since you both have feelings for one another.

“Dean, I don’t know why you’re bugging out. The hunt went exactly as planned,” your character says as you unpack your duffel bag.

“You got hurt. How is that exactly as planned?”

“We got the bad guy. Isn’t that what matters?”

“Not at the cost of your life! How could you think so little of it?”

“Dean, it’s just a scratch. I’ve gotten worse wounds than this.”

“God, you’re not getting it,” he scoffs.

“What? Please explain to me how you’re feeling.”

“It’s your life! No monster is worth that. You’re too important to me.” Jensen walks over to you and cups your jaw. The moment is so intense, so intimate. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. I’m right here,” you whisper.

You two stare into your eyes right before he smashes his lips on yours. He isn’t kissing you like how Dean would, he’s kissing you like how he would. The kiss is supposed to be short and sweet but Jensen keeps it going as long as he can. Your lips mold with his perfectly as if you were meant to be doing this your whole life.

The director yells CUT and Jensen pulls away from you slightly. He cheers at getting it on one take, and you step back from him with a nervous chuckle.

“Good job you two! Take ten everyone!”

“Listen, if you ever want to practice lines or… other things, you’re more than welcome to come to my trailer. You know, practice makes perfect.”

“I’ll make sure to take you up on that offer,” he smirks.

And practice did make perfect. After hearing the story of how you met Jenson yet again, both your daughters clap happily.

“Tell the story again!” your six-year-old giggles.

“Again!” your four-year-old laughs after her sister.

“Not tonight, girls,” you grin and kiss both their heads.

“Go to sleep. We’ll see you in the morning,” Jensen says.

You and Jensen leave their room and close the door gently. Jensen brings you into his arms and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Landing that role has been the best thing to ever happen to me,” you whisper to him.

“You stole the words right out of my mouth,” Jensen smiles and kisses you.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[horangare]

a little long distance lovin’

pairing : bf!jeonghan x reader

content : smut (mdni or else)

in which : your boyfriend being so far away on tour has you missing and craving him in more ways than one

warnings : established relationship, fem!bodied reader, phone sex, pet names (angel, baby, hannie), teasing (dirty talk), a pinch of orgasm denial

wc : 1.1K words

Your life felt dull whenever Jeonghan was away on tour. You wanted nothing more than for him to just come home, so you could hold him in your arms and run your hands through his hair while he told you all about the places he got to see and show you the pictures he took just to show you.

And sometimes you wanted him to come home to help relieve the ache between your thighs that you couldn’t handle with your own fingers. To hold you down and whisper into your ear while he talked you through your orgasm just the way you liked.

Those were your thoughts now as you pushed your pajama shorts down your legs and reached one of your hands into your underwear, letting out a shaky breath when you felt how wet you already were at the thought of your boyfriend.

In times like this, you always regretted not investing in a vibrator. Even when you tried to replicate the way Jeonghan would finger you, it just wasn’t enough to get you there. You needed him there with you.

That’s when you got an idea.

With your free hand, you reached around on your bedside table until you found your phone, bringing the device to your face as you found Jeonghan’s contact and pressed the call button and raised the phone to your ear.

Jeonghan picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, angel,” He mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep. Suddenly despite your need, you felt bad for disturbing him so late in the night. “Why are you still awake?”

“Just wanted to talk to you. How was Osaka?” You mumbled, the slight rasp in his voice reminding you just what you had called him for. You circled your clit slowly, the way Jeonghan would when he wanted to tease you, and you had to bite your lip to keep quiet.

“It was good. I wish you were there with me.” He said. A second later, he sighed and added “I miss you, angel.”

You felt your heart beat a little faster. “I miss you too, Hannie. So much.” You smiled. The guilt was really getting to you now with the way your boyfriend truly seemed to have nothing but the sweetest things in mind as opposed to you, who called him with the sole purpose of trying to get off to his voice. You sighed, the sound coming out as a broken moan when you accidentally applied a bit too much pressure to your clit with your fingers.

You were silent. Jeonghan was silent. Fuck, now you really wished you had a vibrator, it would’ve been less trouble.

“[Y/n], why did you really call me?” Jeonghan finally said. You hesitated despite already having been caught, unsure of how he would react.

“I can’t do it without you, Jeonghan. I really do miss you, but I also need you so bad.”

Jeonghan chuckled, the sound sending shivers down your spine. “Cant do it without me, huh? My angel can’t make herself cum on her own?”

“No, Hannie. Need your cock, your fingers, your mouth, anything.” You heard Jeonghan curse under his breath on the other end of the line, and you wondered if you were having the same effect on him.

“You have no idea what you do to me, baby.” He said quietly. “We have to make this quick. I don’t know when the others will be coming back.”

You nodded despite the fact that he couldn’t see you, eager to finally get release with Jeonghan being away from you—physically, at least.

“Are you doing it my way or yours?” He asked, pushing down his sweatpants just enough so that his cock could spring free. He spat into his palm, hissing as he started to stroke himself.

“Yours.” You replied, circling your enterancd with one of your fingers. “I like the way you do it better.”

“Hm, Good. Start with just one finger for right now, okay? Ease yourself into it.” He instructed. Eagerly, you obeyed, sinking your middle finger into your dripping cunt, a sigh of content slipping out of your lips. “Feels good, baby?”

“Mhm, yeah.” You said, slowly pulling your finger out and then sliding it back inside of you, your moaning growing louder whenever you reached your g-spot. “C-can I use another finger?”

“Hmm…not yet.” Really, even now, Jeonghan just had to be a tease. He stifled a laugh when you whined into the phone and mumbled “please, please” over and over again. “Just be patient for me, angel. You do want to cum, don’t you?”

“Yes, I need to. I-I’ll be patient, I’m sorry.”

“Good answer.” You hated the fact that you could hear the smirk in his voice, but continued on with your ministrations, finally having built up a comfortable rhythm even if you were only using one finger. “Go ahead, use another finger.”

You moaned with delight as you pushed your ring finger inside of you as you moved them quicker inside of you, your breathing growing more and more uneven and your thighs began to tremble. “Hannie, I’m—”

“Close already, angel?” He asked you.

“Yes, s-so close. Really close.”

Jeonghan groaned, speeding up the speed of his own hand, rubbing his thumb over his slit. “F-Fuck,” He moaned. “Don’t cum yet, wait for me.”

You whimpered, but seeing as you didn’t have a choice with him you did as he said while you sped up the circular motions on your clit. “Please, now?” You asked breathlessly.

“Mmm, yeah, go ahead and cum, angel. Nice and loud for me, okay?”

You finally came, your hips bucking up into your hand as you screamed Jeonghan’s name as if it was the only word you could say. On the other end of the line, Jeonghan came at the same time you did, his release shooting out all over his hand, stomach, and a little bit on his sweatpants while he let out a drawn-out whine of your name. You both listened to the sound of each others breathing go from erratic to stable before speaking again.

“Guess you were wrong, hm? You can cum without me.”

You gave him an exasperated laugh, standing up with shaky legs to toss your shorts and ruined underwear into your laundry basket and slipped into the bathroom to wash off your hand. “Only because of you, Hannie. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, angel. And once I get home, I promise we won’t spend even a single second apart.”

You smiled, your body feeling warm with sentimentality. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

[norman-fucking-reedus]

More childish Daryl because we all love his big little shit self and his little shit attitude

and more of Rick being a victim as well as a little piece of shit

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

There weren’t many things life that you were afraid of anymore besides dying. or your loved ones dying. Oh and every form of insect left on the planet.

“Daryl Dixon take that thing back outside and the fuck out of my house!” You yell in horror when your husband comes sprinting into the house with a large and exotic bug cupped in his hands, holding it out to you excitedly. “Look at it though!”

“Very, very nice my love… Uhh,” Your eyes dart nervously around. “Here! Put it in here for safe keeping” You grab a jar and push it towards Daryl, staying as far away from him as he would let you, which wasn’t very far. “He’s gon die in there” Daryl mumbled, shifting on his feet.

You sigh. “He won’t outside. Y’know, where he lives?”

“But I ain’t ever seen this bug ���fore” Daryl pouted slightly.

“Daryl. Please.” You give a soft but stern look.

The man frowned, dropping his gaze down to his new friend as he walked him back out the door. “Fine.”

You sighed in relief watching the archers wings disappear behind the creaky slam of your front door, out onto the Alexandria streets to terrorize the community. But you didn’t know that part.

Over at Carol’s house, she lounges comfortably on her porch swing, a real good and captivating book in one hand, a cooling, untouched cup of coffee in the other. She’s so invested in the story that she doesn’t even feel Daryl’s presence behind her, totally not coaxing his new friend off his palm and onto her shoulder, watching as the strange bug crawled down her arm slowly.

At first she didn’t feel it, finally taking her first sip out the mug after hovering it for so long. When she moves to place the cup down, glints of iridescent purples and blues catches her eye, and she glances at her sleeve.

“Jesus! What the fuck!? What the fuck!?” She hollers, tossing her book and shooting to her feet, flailing to get the bug off of her. When she pauses to glance around, in search of the little pest so that she could squish the fucker, she finds it crawling on another, much larger pest. “When I get my hands on you, you are so dead” Carol fires daggers at Daryl, who holds the insect with a victorious smile. “Don’ threaten him”

“I’m threatening you. Also ‘him’?” Carol rolled her eyes, and moved further when Daryl took a few steps towards the porch. “I found him by the wall but Y/n ain’t let me keep it”

“I applaud her for dealing with you, now shoo. You’ve completely ruined my reading time” The woman sighs and sits back down on the swing, picking her book off the floor. “Where’s Rick?” Daryl quipped, turning and scanning the area. Carol watched him quietly, a smile tugging her lips. It felt like only yesterday that the hunter was nothing but a locked box, never opening up or showing any form of emotion. Now, he was practically bouncing off the walls, more of a rowdy kid than anything else. It made Carol a little sad, knowing that Daryl never got to chance to be the rambunctious kid he was born to be.

She watched as he walked away, bug in hand and wings on his back. There was a first time for everything, she supposes.

Of course, this saying is true, because this is the first time Daryl is really putting his ass on the line. He bit back the evil smile creeping on his face as his eyes landed on his victim, who shamelessly flirting with his wife, totally oblivious to everyone else around him. Rick was rambling and yapping to Michonne, not taking his eyes off hers for a second as he spoke.

She smiled and nodded, listening and digesting whatever he was saying, occasionally adding commentary of her own. It was a casual conversation, and Michonne had started to move to kiss Rick, him doing the same and shutting his eyes in anticipation-

“Fuck! Fuck! The fuck?!” He yelled, jerking away from his wife and reaching a hand to his back, patting aimlessly around for the strange crawling sensation on him. “What’s on me?!” Rick spun around, and Michonne screamed. “Oh hell no! Nope! Nope!” The woman backed away, and as she did she spotted Daryl, as did Rick.

“Dixon!” Rick’s voice rang out through the community, followed by heavy running feet mere seconds later.

Daryl cackled as he ran from Rick, taunting him and mocking the mans angry shouts and insults. Also threats.

“You are so fucking dead Daryl!” Rick yelled from behind him, trying to increase his speed to get closer behind Daryl, who had no reason being as fucking fast as he was. “Please don’ shoot meh officer!” Daryl fake cooed, laughing but it was cut short by Rick ultimately deciding to take a leap of faith, crashing right into the hunterman, who almost instantly tightened all his limbs around Rick.

The men grunted and squabbled in the middle of the street, yelling and screaming at each other. “Stop it you dicksucker tha’ hurts!” Daryl wailed and kicked at Rick, who was twisting his leg. “Dicksucker? Must be missin’ the countryside huh Dixon?” Rick grumbled, releasing the kicking limb and latching onto Daryl’s arm, punching it when holding it down didn’t work. “Ain’t nothin miss ‘bout it, except ya wasn’t there” The man grunted, bringing his other arm up and grabbing onto a fist full of Rick’s curly hair, pulling on the strands. The man let out a pained yell, reflexively reaching his hand up to pry Daryl’s hand off, but that just let his other arm free.

When Daryl had slung his arm around Rick’s neck, bicep already tightly wrapped and flexed around it, the familiar creaking of a door caught his attention, turning his head to take in the house that they were fighting in front of. Your house.

Rick gasped for air when Daryl dropped him, coughing and about to take a swing at him when he also turned his head, both males now being stared down by you. Daryl more than ever.

“When I told you to take the bug outside, I meant back to where you got it, not on a tour around the fucking community.” You spat, arms folded over your chest. Daryl hung his head embarassedly, heat rising to his cheeks at the scolding. “Sorry mama”

“And you,” You looked at Rick, “You need to stop further provoking him because look how it ends each time” Rick furrowed his brows, “But he came to me first!” Pointing at the archer next to him. “Rick I don’t give a damn if chicken or egg came to you first” You rolled your eyes. “But-“ “No. This? This is very much over. You? You are very much in trouble.” You cut Rick off, descending the short steps and tugging Daryl off the ground by his vest, pushing him to go up the porch and into the house. “You? I’ll be letting Michonne know to keep you attached to her hip. Let’s go, Grimes”

Once you promptly delivered Michonne her loose dog, you made your way back to your house to deal with your own, sighing when the door shut behind you. Your eyes flickered over to Daryl, who was nervously sat on the couch.

“M’really sorry” He mumbled when you moved to stand over him, hands on your hips. “I didn’t wanna put him back”

“Daryl, you can’t just go around harassing people with bugs.” You shake your head at him, biting down on the inside of your cheek when Daryl shamefully looked away, face turning a shade of red. “But it was funny”

You sigh, “For you. Daryl, baby, some people are really afraid of bugs. I’m some people. Those things freak me the fuck out” reaching your hand down to lift his head up, brushing hair out his face. There were hints of guilt written on it, and you smiled softly.

“Hey, nobody’s mad at you, okay? You just have to be a little more aware of the small things” You kissed his forehead, once, twice, thrice, still smiling down at his flushed face. “Mama loves you” You whisper, and it cracks a small smile on Daryl’s lips, heart doing somersaults. “Love ya too” You kiss his head one more time, giving him a final on his lips before standing straight again. “Now that that’s over, I’m making something I think you’ll like” Your voice fades into the kitchen, Daryl following you. “Let m’guess; steak” He joked, but blinked when he peered over your shoulder. “I remember a very skilled hunter once telling me that ‘deer asses are tha’ best’”

“They are, ‘nd tha’s ‘bout to be tha’ best fuckin’ steak of m’life” Daryl bumped his hip against yours, playful smile tugging his lips. “Alright now. Don’t get rowdy in my kitchen” You eye him from the side, bumping his hip back as you lit the stove, using makeshift oil to butter the pan. Daryl slid a hand around your waist, kissing your shoulder before dropping his head there, mumbling a tiny “Sorry mama” next to your ear. You can’t help the smile the spreads on your lips, placing just one more kiss to the top of Daryl’s head.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I think that ‘baby’ and ‘mama’ are like really cute for outside of the bedroom, it’s intimate while not being too explicit if that makes sense

me fighting my urge to explain how Daryls mommy kink spews much deeper than you guys think

each time i typed mama i kept imagining a furby saying it

anways your honor my babyboy is innocent

[timkontheunsure]

This feels like such a stupid question, especially since you just made a post about it, but I’d like your opinion on why you think there’s become such a debate now on Blitz’s skills in bed. You have fans who have been 50/50 on blitz that just accept that this fits with verosika’s claim that he was selfish in bed and stolas had no experience so he didn’t have a comparison. Then other fans like me, can’t help but feel that since this is after apology tour where we saw him effortlessly use the crystal, and his past history of ex’s, it doesn’t seem likely he’s always lacked skill; more so his ego took a hit and he lacks the confidence in his skills now. I think there have been enough hints that blitz has skills in the past, and at worst he could be selfish. It just seems like fans are reading too much into this joke to trash blitz and say he’s trash and stolas is better off. But I think you’re right, I don’t think stolas faked it. I believe he felt pleasure with blitz and they both enjoyed their time together and loved to experiment, and blitz paid attention to what stolas liked. Someone that considerate I have a hard time believing doesn’t know how to satisfy his partner. Sorry this got long and dumb, I’d just like your opinion. Blitz has been through enough now fans are questioning one of the only skills he feels he’s good for?

Probably because Blitz is really unreliable about this stuff, and just claimed two very daft things at the same time.

 (Love Vivi reposting this).

 That he's fully a top (he's not).

And that tops don't give good head as a rule (Millie disproved that seconds before).

We also get two very different reads on it from his exes. Verosika who says he was selfish with her, and no good at head. 

  But this was a relationship we know he wasn't really into, and run away from when Verosika tried to take it farther.

It's likely how he's treated his other sexual relationships, till Stolas.

And then there's Stolas; who we've heard being Very satisfied with Blitz in this regard. 

Calls Blitz's performances breathtaking.  And just from 'seeing him tonight' we get 3 different references to Blitz wanting to eat out Stolas. 

Honestly it seems to be Blitz's favourite thing for them to do together. 

He's also seems fine handing over the rains to Stolas, and be topped by him.

They've used all the toys in the toy box after all.

So why's he so invested in doing things that are un-topish (by Blitz's daft ideas anyway) when it's Stolas? 

 Because he really cares about Stolas, and like you say paid alot of attention to what made his Stolas happy. 

Blitz appears to be demiromantic*, so doesn't had alot of romantic experience previously.  The last person he appears to have fallen for was Fizz, and that didn't go well.  This has made him extra reluctant to fall in love with someone.

Sexual relationship have always seemed the safest option for him.

He still seems to equate him being good in the sack as why Stolas kept him around so long.

 And gotten fair amount of his confidence for being able to satisfy a Prince of Hell.  That confidence has gone now.

But Stolas has also made it clear that he's been given the crystal is because of his romantic feelings for Blitz, and that a purely sexual relationship won't do anymore.  

 Making the crystal a physical reminder of Stolas' romantic feelings for him.

It makes sense that Blitz is still feeling unsure if he's allowed to touch the pretty thing like that anymore, after Stolas asked him for space.  

Especially when Millie is telling him to so in a way that's basically just for Stolas.

The guy's heartbroken, and feels like anything connected with Stolas is something he can't do right.

*A demiromantic person is someone who only develops romantic feelings for another person when they have a strong emotional connection to them. Demiromantic people can be of any gender identity or sexual orientation. This includes things like crushes. Making Fizz and Stolas very special to Blitz.

(I've got a head injury at the moment, and seeing double. 

So probably going to have more than normal amount of typos and mistakes.

And some things might not be as tied together as I'd like).  

Oh and here's more of Blitz being a switch just cus😆

Think him admitting that he can share power in the bedroom, and the relationship will be part of Stolitz sorting out their power imbalance. With it becoming easier the more they communicate properly.

Oh and more proof Stolas has no complaints lol.

[charliehoennam]

aftermath.

A/N: nobody asked for this, but all I've seen is Will smut (which I totally love, don't get me wrong) but I need some vulnerable Will

Pairing: Will Miller x f!reader

Warnings: grief, mourning, sad!will, mentions of death, mentions of Will's military past and Tom's funeral

One of the things you've always admired about Will is his strength. He was always the one to put on a brave face and push on. The captain in him had the duty of moving forward and completing whatever mission was at hand, whether it was getting his team to the landing zone or grocery shopping day at home.

It was that very same strength he possessed that got him through the darkest times in his life.

Losing his war veteran grandfather, losing his comrades in combat or to the haunting PTSD that they tried to chase away with substance abuse.

Before you came into his life, before he realized that he was lost in the same fog of that purgatory of PTSD, shutting his emotions out is the only thing he knew. After all that time, he came to believe it was easier than having to deal with them.

It just wasn't a priority; a moment of tears he refused to share with anyone anywhere other than sat naked and alone on the shower floor.

Tom wasn't the first friend he'd lost, but it doesn't mean it made losing him any easier.

It was easy for him to plaster a smile and bury his grief deep down until he felt it was time to unbury it and mourn.

Getting to that point of self-awareness was a victory in itself.

It took so much patience and love and pain, not only on his behalf but yours as well, to help him to understand what he was really struggling with.

He hadn't realized it had gotten so uncontrollable until the incident at Publix - the grand revelation of the weapon he could be, once shred of his humanity, provided the cathartic acceptance of the fact that he needed help.

Upon federal investigation, the story they told was that Tom had been shot and killed in a tragic mugging incident on their consultation trip. Just a boys' night out gone bad.

It wasn't too hard to believe, given they were 5 foreigners in a country that wasn't theirs. The heat from the Feds didn't last long. Thanks to Santiago's few but faithful contacts, that investment was quickly brought to an end.

It's barely 6 a.m. and you're stood in the kitchen making coffee, still processing how this all happened.

Your black dress is simple but elegant and modest against your body. Despite the itchy fabric, you can feel the early morning chill soaking through.

The dripping of the coffee maker lures you into a whirlwind of thoughts. You watch the droplets of dew form on the kitchen window against the cloudy sky which threatens to rain.

You start to second guess the toast when it pops up in the toaster. You're not the slightest bit hungry and you're positive Will won't be either, but you have to try.

He hasn't eaten right in the past couple days. You didn't say anything, but you've noticed the few bites he'd given his food and the way he'd pick at it.

He should've been ready and downstairs by now, so you decide to go up and check on him.

Moving forward is hard for most people, but for Will, it's what keep the pain at bay. The problem is when he stops.

Like a tornado, he's left with the screaming silence and the damage it left in it's wake.

Now that he's home, the mission of bringing Tom home is complete, the hard truth that his friend and mentor is gone has begun to sink in.

You gently knock on the door as you reach your shared bedroom.

"Honey, do you want any help?"

"I'm good, sweetheart. I'll be right out."

You can hear him sniffle despite his attempt to sound as normal as possible. Unconvinced, you turn the knob and open the door.

He's sat on the edge of the bed wearing a simple black suit as he looks back over his shoulder at you with a Marine coin in hand, a gift from Tom when Will confessed about his therapy sessions.

You aren't too surprised to see he changed out of the formal military blue suit he had out on earlier.

The ribbons, the medals, the badges... He couldn't put them on without feeling the crushing and staining weight of guilt.

"Lat minute outfit change?"

The corner of your lips curl in an attempt to smile, hoping to cheer him up with a bit of tease.

"I was gonna wear my dress blues, but..." he trails off for a moment to swallow hard. "Just didn't feel right."

Without a word, you quietly walk over and sit beside him. You're not sure what he needs right now, but you don't want him to feel alone.

"Black is more flattering if you ask me," you speak up.

His beard twitches as he attempts to smile. He knows you just want to help him feel better. Yet all he can do is stare down at the gold coin.

"Five times... Five times. Five close calls. And he survived them all. He didn't deserve to go out like that. He just wanted to help his family."

You fight back tears as you listen to him with an arm wrapped his back as you press your cheek to his shoulder.

"I told Santi to get him in. I said I'd go if Tom was in. Tom didn't even want to go in the first place. He didn't-"

There's a crack in his voice which he catches it in his throat to compose himself. He sniffles letting a tear cascade down his cheek only to wipe it away quickly, hoping you hadn't seen it.

"This isn't on you, Will."

He nods although you both know deep inside that he won't stop blaming himself.

"When you told me you were a marine, I knew the risks that came with that, Will. Every knock on the door had my heart racing. But I decided to stay with you because I love you. There wasn't a person on earth or a God in the sky that was gonna tell me otherwise. I knew the risks and I took 'em anyways because not having you would've hurt more... I don't understand how fate works other than we all end up the same. What I do know is that all we can do is love our close ones and cherish the good memories you have of them."

With a tearful and silent nod, he lowers his head and rests it against your chest. His arms lock around your waist as he surrenders to the tears in your embrace.

The tears quietly trickle down your cheeks as you listen to him finally breaking down.

With your lips pressed against his golden hair, you hold him in your arms and stroke the hair on the back of his neck to soothe him for as long as he needs.

All you can do is hold him through it and he couldn't be more thankful to have you in such a vulnerable moment after having faced them on his own for so many years.

Just the feeling of not being alone was overwhelming enough, but to have you holding him and reminding him of the things that are easy to ignore in grief give him hope.

Although he feels he's coming apart, he knows that he'll have the strength he's always had.

It's different now. It's not the strength to bury and forget; it's the strength to heal.

With a sigh of relief after a long, vulnerable moment, he pulls away from you and nods, mentally assuring himself that he's alright.

Upon arriving at the church, you're greeted by Molly so you offer your deepest condolences due to the circumstances. Just as Will, you find that the guys have all opted to wear normal black suits instead of the formal military uniform and you wonder if it's for the same reason.

"Sorry for that," he sniffles wiping his eyes as he tries to regain his composure, swallowing hard with guilt. "We should get going... I don't wanna be late."

You remind him that there is no need to apologize and that he can take the time to splash some water on his face to help him recollect before leaving.

Frankie doesn't say a word other than to Molly and the girls, apologizing for their loss. Throughout the priest's religious ceremony of easing words, Benny's apathetic eyes are glued to Tom's casket set in front of the church between his military portrait and a beautiful arrangement of white flowers. During Will's heartfelt eulogy, Santiago keeps his head lowered as the guilt consumes him.

The grift and sadness during the wake only follow and weigh heavier during the long walk to the gravesite, lingering among the guests of the funeral like a dark cloud. It's only reflected in depths by the light rain pitter-pattering all around.

The military traditions at the funeral leave a bitter tinge of irony in the boys as they watch Tom's casket lowering into the ground.

Tess's happy big doey eyes are now swollen and red as she cries under her mother's arm, hugging the folded flag as if it were her dad, while Molly holds her other and youngest daughter under the other arm.

Looking over at Will, you see that he's trying his hardest to keep his strong facade as well as the boys.

You slide your hand into his and whisper to remind him he's not alone and doesn't have to feel alone.

With a gentle squeeze to your hand, he nods.

"You with me?"

"I'm with you."

You and Will - as well as the guys and Tom's family - are the last to leave, reminding Molly that you're more than willing to help with anything.

Will, however, lingers a moment to speak to her private and tells her about the fund. You can tell from her reaction, she's genuinely surprised and thankful, relieved to know that she'll be able to pay for the funeral.

Having called your boss the previous day to let them know you wouldn't be going to work due to the funeral, you take the rest of the day off to recover from the overwhelming day after the funeral.

The drive home is quiet save for the rain against the car and the windshield, echoing into the vehicle which you insisted on driving to give Will some mental ease. He didn't put up a fight. He was quite relieved you'd offered.

In spite of being eager to understand how he's doing, you refuse to burden him with constant questions and decide to respect his mourning process. So, you keep a hand on his thigh to remind you're in this together.

He doesn't mind it at all. In fact, he is grateful for your respect and your thoughtfulness. His hand rests over yours and doesn't leave until you have to pull your hand back to turn the steering wheel, but it finds it's way back onto his leg, warm fully welcomed by his engulfing hand.

As you're undressing in your room, Will's hand catches yours while you're unzipping your dress.

"Thanks... I don't know about you, but I'd say this weather is perfect cuddling weather," you share letting the dress hang loosely off your shoulders.

Will smiles shyly as if you'd read his mind and locks his arms around your waist.

"I couldn't agree more."