#neurodivergent experience

[snakeautistic]

Please, for the love of god, leave me CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS!!! If you think it’s implied, I promise you that to me it is not. If you give me poorly worded or vague directions I’m gonna spend half an hour stressing over the potential different ways to interpret them and either become paralyzed with indecision or inevitably interpret them the least correct way possible

[fossilfirecracker]

I notice that the neurotypical often envy accommodation for neurodivergents. They seem to think that neurodivergents are given more than they need, given more than these neurotypical ones. This shows how neurotypical people in most cases do not understand that accommodation is a vital thing, without which it is almost impossible to live. For them, it's like getting a chair to sit in, at a time when they could continue to stand. And for neurodivergents, it's like getting a chair, since it's impossible to stand anymore. Neurotypical people, people without disabilities need to understand that the accommodation does not make the life of neurodivergent people better than the life of neurotypical people, but only brings them closer to a normal standard of living.

[autismvampyre]

Genuine question for fellow neurodivergent people.

⚠️Neurodivergent means more than just autism and ADHD, this poll is for all ND's, even the ones whose diagnoses make you feel uncomfortable. ⚠️

Please reblog for larger sample size, also please feel free to elaborate in the replies. My perspective is under the cut.

I have adhd and autism(diagnosed at 11) and I genuinely did not understand what that meant until I was maybe 14 years old and discovered other autistics online. All that these professionals told me boiled down to "you get distracted super easy and you're bad with people" and that's it. They mentioned nothing about executive dysfunction, nothing about meltdowns and burnout and over/understimulation. No explanation outside of the typical understanding of these disorders.

I read books about my diagnoses(I was forced to by my stepmom) written by professionals and they didn't help shit. I feel as though I am chronically misunderstood and misrepresented. Everything I know about myself I learned from my fellow audhd people, and I feel like every doctor I speak to ignores me.

I feel crazy sometimes, cause who am I to say that all the doctors and specialists are wrong? But I know that so many of them are, and I feel like we need to talk about it more.

[hesitantvampirealien]

i just wanted to say that you're not alone in this miserable feeling you might be experiencing right now

if you're autistic and you really want to do good to people and be a good person, but you fucked up really badly because you genuinely just didn't know better and the response was physical, verbal or psychological aggression, if you have physical or mental scars because of others' response to your mistake and they took it extremely personally and just discounted their whole rage on you, if you often feel like you've become a toy meant to be broken, if you feel like you don't deserve to be called a good person or even to be considered a human being at all, i feel all of that as well. We're together in this hopeless pit

Of course i wanna get out of it, and i hope you do too, but let's be real... it's not that easy to just leave the pit and stop wanting to die, i know what that's like. I see a person here with me in the pit. You are a human, and you didn't deserve to be harmed so deeply, but i know it's tiring to try to lift yourself up, and i won't force you. But at least try, okay? Try to treat youself well. Try to forgive your honest mistakes, and by all means, give yourself permission to tell those people who hurt you to GO FUCK THEMSELVES. Fucking fight them all you need. Call them all the horrible things they are. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and don't let the ableism take over your head and convince yourself you're not a human, because you're a living, breathing, thinking and feeling humam being. A worthy human being.

i know sometimes the misery feels comfortable, i guess i myself am in that state right now. I'm not the best person to try to cheer you up, but i can tell you that you're not alone, you're definetely not alone

You're not a toy, you're not broken, you didn't deserve to be abused like that, you're a human being and you're a fucking fighter. We're fucking fighters.

[flyingraven]

I freeze.

We are at security in a strange airport. Our flight has just passed by our noses and I can feel how stressed you are.

I've already made one mistake.

And now there are more rules.

It's different from our first flight.

My hands shake as I'm tugging at my laptop. I try to hide my stuffed animal lower in my bag again. I'm slow.

My hands shake more as I'm fumbling to take off my belt.

Done.

I quickly pass though the scanner and go to grab the bin with my laptop, belt and jacket. I nearly drop it. One of you catches it. I can barely raise my voice loud enough to thank you.

I'm taking up space. Too much space. I'm shaking more. One of you is done already- both of you are done.

Where is my bag?

On the other line. Of bags needing to be checked.

Fuck.

Someone in front of me is arguing about her makeup. I'm losing control of my breathing a little as i can see both of you waiting on me.

I'm keeping you up. Fuck.

Why is she not done yet?

People keep bumping in to me but I don't know if I'm allowed to move.

I feel like you're getting mad at me for keeping you up. But I can't ask if you are. Fuck.

Finally. They get to my bag. Ask if I forgot a bottle or something. I'm fairly sure I didn't? I check anyway. Dig. Push my stuffed animal to the side and try to hide my embarrassment and my traitorous shaky hands. I can't make eye contact anymore.

The goddamn bottle of Fruitshoot.

I apologise furiously and hand her the bottle with shame. Did someone say something funny? Both of you are laughing. At least you're laughing.

She takes my bag back and says something unintelligible. Are they going to rescan my bag? She walks off.

People are still bumping in to me. No matter if I move over a little or not. Am I allowed to move? I can't move without permission anymore. What if I break the rules?

Where is my bag?! It's been gone for an eternity.

I turn to you. I don't know where they took my bag, I say with anxiety choking my throat. Your expression is unreadable as you say they're probably just scanning it again. See? There it is.

I grab it and wrestle my laptop and toiletries back into it. Quickly. Quickly. I've kept you up. Added more to the stress and fuck I've broken so many rules and taken up so much space. My whole body is shaking.

You ask if I'm a bit non verbal as we finally walk off.

I nod.

[rhiannons-bird]

currently reading The Stranger by Albert Camus and even though I know it‘s not the point of the book (I don‘t think lol, frankly I have no idea), I think I‘ve never read anything that captures the feeling of growing up neurodivergent in a neurotypical society as well. it’s not that I sympathise with the protagonist directly, but it’s what happens to them and the dichotomy of what goes on on the inside vs how the outside world perceives it and treats you as a person. like everything you are is constantly put on trial, things you thought of as normal are apparently a crime, the fact you’re not performing something everyone else seems to just do naturally is held against you, and everyone gets so fucking mad at you and yells at you and tells you that you did that or this because you are a horrible person- that the only explanation for your behaviour is intentional maliciousness. while you’re literally just trying to exist and not break down from sensory overload. and even when you explain to them what your actual thought process is they think you’re making it up because it‘s that ludicrous to them that anyone would think that way.

[mysticcrownwolf]

Either @snakeautistic and me lived the exact same life or they are my long lost autistic twin because how the fuck can we both have such similar experiences. Like I feel as if they are physically dissecting my brain and my life and then put it all out in easily readable words for everyone to read with every post they put out. Like I didn't know everything I experienced growing up was such a universal experience and I am actually really sad it is for so many people.

[spinnysocks]

do any other neurodivergent people feel like you're in autopilot mode. especially if you have a daily schedule that's rarely broken, you're kinda going through the motions, such as working then trying to ignore all your distractions to relax? cause like. i just realised i haven't responded to 1 friend and 3 family members in weeks 😭

[undercreed-genesis]

"Too much"

[gabrielora]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[snakeautistic]

I never manage to feel more alone than when I’m in a group of people

[fossilfirecracker]

I've never understood why my neurotypical friends need to be reminded of my same difficulties every time and be met over and over again with the same reaction of surprise and the question, is it really that bad? When people tell me about their problems with something, I try to remember it and take it for granted. I may forget by accident, but I don't ask again every time if the person is really still unwell from it. So why can't they do the same in my case?

[solidwater05]

Apparently this needs to be said so

Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!

You're not a bad person if you...

forget things quickly

forget people

can't remember entire stages of your life

can't remember important things

can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time

can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests

forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc

forget to reply to texts

remember things and immediately forget them again

can't remember birthdays, events, etc

frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions

can't retain new information

forget things you used to know

only remember things when it's too late

have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories

depend on others to know how an event you were in played out

have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa

... and anything else I might have missed!

[fallenstarcat]

sometimes i feel like people forget autism is a disability. and that’s not a bad thing! i’m all for disability acceptance, im proud of my disabilities. but i feel like we forget autism can hurt.

it hurts that i have to put more time and energy into socializing than others.

it hurts when i need to move so bad, usually cause im overwhelmed by either my surroundings or emotions, that i thrash and hurt myself.

it hurts that i cant be in places that are too loud or too bright, which on bad days can be as simple as a small, quiet noise or dim lights.

it hurts that i struggle to tell when im hungry, thirsty, tired, etc. so i can’t properly take care of myself. it doesn’t help my insomnia and i get very nauseas and get UTIs.

i 100% believe in autism acceptance. i don’t want a cure. but i also want us the acknowledge that it can hurt. it doesn’t mean my entire life will hurt, but some parts will. and i want a community where we can see both sides, see the hurt, and celebrate it anyway.

[oddball-artz]

Today I was overstimed and having a panic attack durring my lunch hour and another neurodivergent person helped me calm down, gave me resources our school provides for help, and said that if I wanted to try to snap myself out of the panic attack he could give me some super sour candy bc that's what helps him (I took him up on the offer and it worked), and stayed with me until he was sure I was okay, and I'm literally sobbing he is so sweet, we eat lunch together most days but we don't know eachother super well but the fact that he put that much effort into helping me calm down just warms my heart.

[flamboyantinsomniac]

Weighted blankets aren't enough I need to be crushed in a hydraulic press