#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it

[moonchild-in-blue]

Oh.

[the-only-ace]

can you please write something about taem's enlistment? honestly feel awful i feel like he's lowkey sad about it i just wanna give baby cheese a hug :(

haiii i love this request since it is really well... timely (?). i have been planning to finish this request before taemin's enlistment but yeah, here we are... things been busy. so i hope this one is not that late and may this be some sort of comfort for everyone as we wait for our baby cheese's return.

serve well and always take care, taem! we will be just here and wait for your return with bright smiles on our faces.

taemin scenario: looking forward

pairing: taemin x reader

word count: 2.7k

summary: it is taemin's last few hours before his military enlistment and reader tries their best to ease his worries. both are making sure that they have spent the remaining time together to the fullest.

warning: semi-nudity, implied sexual activity (no smut thought)

send in your requests here!

your eyelids slowly fluttered open and soft rays of sunlight greeted your still adjusting eyes. you attempted to rub the sleepiness away from your eyes before slowly sitting up. your raised both of your arms above your head and stretched with a small grunt. the sheets fell down and exposed your naked torso to the cool breeze from the air conditioner. you looked at your side and smiled gently. you rested your cheek on your bended knee and gazed at the sleeping figure beside you.

taemin was sleeping soundly on his chest and the blanket was comfortably wrapped around his hips while his broad bare shoulders were displayed to you. his head was tilted to the side, facing your direction. his eyes were closed with a hint of dark circles visible underneath them--a sign of his hard work within the last few months. his lips were slightly parted and you can hear his soft breaths. his hair that used to be unruly as they got ruffled by the pillows was now cut short. you can't help but reach out and touch them with your cold fingers.

there he was, the love of your life. it may sound cheesy and a bit cliche but it was true. he was your first boyfriend and you were more than pleased that you're still together given how young you both were when you met years ago. you went through a lot of ups and downs like every other relationship out there. it was also challenging at first especially with the nature of his work since he can not fully dedicate his time to you. you eventually got over it mainly because you knew how important and passionate he was with his career. every after his performances, you can see his eyes lit up and his lips stretched into a big bright smile. it was then you knew you have to support this man. you have to be his rock when things got shaky and unstable.

you two actually hit a big milestone in your relationship quite recently. you were living with him for more than a year already and both of you were still amazed how no media outlet has sniffed it out yet. also considering the number of times taemin recorded a live video around the apartment, you're just thankful there were still no accidental reveals.

your train of thought was cut short when taemin suddenly stirred on his position. "sorry, did i wake you?" you asked softly as you retracted your hand away from his hair.

he shook his head before dragging himself towards you. his arms found their way around your waist and his head rested contently on your lap. you smiled at his behavior and then proceeded to stroke his hair again. both of you stayed like that for a bit and soaked into each other's presence while waiting for the drowsiness to pass.

"is it weird?" his muffled voice broke the silence after a few minutes.

"what is?" you inquired back.

"my hair." he rolled to his back and looked up at you.

"it's... new." of course it was, just a few days ago you were happily playing with his hair and extensions. he always allowed you put it up into a bun whenever he came back home. now, you can barely grip them with your fingers. "it's not weird, just new. it actually made you look younger in my opinion." you reassured him with a small giggle.

he frowned and groaned, clearly displeased on your response. he thought you were just lying to make him feel better. he won't believe you anyway even you deny it so you decided to ignore his sulking. you then began drawing lazy shapes across his skin while he started to hum one of his songs. your fingers eventually linger around his tattoos and you can't help but admire them.

"should i get one?" you muttered more to yourself actually but taemin heard it very distinctly. it made him shot up from the bed and beamed at you widely.

"you should!" he exclaimed excitedly. '"i mean if you really want to. we can even go to my artist and get one together."

"okay, calm down, mister." you chuckled since was almost bouncing with enthusiasm. "where should i place it though?"

"well... it would look nice here." he reached out and touch your rib area. his eyes soon landed on the red mark beside his index finger and a playful smirk slowly made its way to his lips. "or here..." he continued and moved his pointer on your collar bone, on another one of his marks. "here would be good too..." he went on and on while pointing out all of his work while his grin grew bigger and naughtier.

"stop..." you rolled your eyes and push his hand away. "i know what you're doing. someone went overboard last night." you can't help but narrow your eyes at him. it would be a pain to hide later when you go to work.

"i'm sorry, i just thought they would be a great parting gift." he shrugged before leaning closer. "so did you like it?" he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"eh... it's alright, i guess." you teased with a joking scowl.

"well, that can be fixed easily." he tackled and pinned you down in the bed, making you let out a high-pitch scream. he wasted no time on littering quick kisses all over your neck. you writhed under him as you attempted to escape him since you were feeling ticklish from his soft lips.

a blaring alarm noise interrupted your noises and movements. taemin pushed himself up and looked at the clock on your bedside table. he took a deep heavy sigh before dismissing the alarm. you immediately felt the change in his mood as he got up from the bed.

"i'll go brew us some coffee," he announced and got out of the bedroom.

it was now your turn to sigh. you already tried your best to ease his worries yesterday but just like you have predicted he was still troubled. you can't blame him though, after doing only one thing ever since he was only 12 years old, you get why he was anxious about this upcoming change. not to mention that he will be going through this alone in a way. his other members enlisted at the same time so the thought of someone experiencing the same helped them get through it much easier.

you got up and walked towards the chair near the bed and snatched taemin's shirt that was carelessly hanging from its backrest. you pulled it down your head and you can't help but smell his scent; it was his favorite shirt after all. god, you were going to miss him so bad.

you followed taemin towards the kitchen and the aroma of the coffee greeted you. he looked at you from head to toe and it made him smirk. he knew how much you love stealing his shirts. it was quite comforting to know that at least his clothes will be used even though he was away.

preparing breakfast was peaceful and intimate. taemin was hugging you from behind while you cook your meal; outrightly ignoring your protests since it was not really easy to move around with him clinging to you. in a few minutes, both of you are sitting down at the dining table and quietly enjoying the hot food in front of you.

it felt like a normal lazy morning. days like these were common after his promotions. it was when he has some time to rest and replenish his energy. those were the days you always anticipate since you were able to see him more often and spend more quality time together. if he didn't have a buzz cut, it was easy to fool yourself that this day was one of those.

"do you think, i'll do well?" he suddenly asked when he placed his chopsticks down.

"of course," you quickly replied without missing a beat. no matter how many times you convinced him already, you will never get tired of doing it if that will give him peace of mind.

"what makes you say so?" he looked up and met your unwavering eyes. "what if i'm not fit for it?"

"and what if you are?" you challenged. "look, we'll never know something unless we try it but trust me, knowing you, you'll do just fine. they used to criticize your singing career back then and look where you are now. you don't let external factors affect you and you always work hard to achieve your goals. so what makes this different? i know once you set your heart to something, you'll be able to do it. you just have to trust yourself as well."

"always saying the right words," he sighed and rested his head on his hand. "what will i be without you?"

"still probably as great as you are now." you knew that taemin achieved his success on his own. all those late-night practices and sacrificing a normal life as a teen, it was all him. you were only his supporter who hopefully made the process a bit easier. "besides, you crushed the obstacle course in dream team last time so i believe the drills will be manageable for you." you cheekily added.

"wow, you still remember that? i'm no minho though." he shook his head while chuckling.

"no one's like that competitive monster." you scoffed.

"yeah..." he trailed off, obviously being concern about another matter again. "i hope our fans won't forget me."

"don't be stupid." you frowned and kicked him lightly under the table. "of course they would wait for you especially after being their comfort when the other members were serving their time. i'm sure that they would be counting the days for your return and they would be delighted to see you again. although, no one would be more thrilled than me so... don't forget me as well."

"how can i forget you if i will be thinking of you every single day?" he stood up and gave you a kiss on the forehead. "thank you."

"for what?" you inquired.

"for always being there especially when i need it the most." his tone was warm and heartfelt. "i should probably take a shower now."

you nodded and listened to his footsteps disappear into the bathroom. as soon as you heard the water running, you stood up as well and placed the plates on the sink. you then went back to your shared bedroom and doubled check the contents of his black backpack, making sure that he did not forget anything important. knowing him, there was a huge chance that he does. you also added a few extra clothes and toiletries just in case he did something stupid and end up breaking or losing some of his stuff.

it felt wholesome to pack his things for him. as if you were his wife helping him prepare for his upcoming trip. if only the trip wasn't going to be 18 months long.

the time flew by quickly after taemin's shower and suddenly you were by the doorway, watching him wear the straps of his backpack. you handed him his black baseball cap before fixing the strings of his black hoodie.

"you all set?" you asked trying hard not to make your voice crack. it was finally sinking in for you and you didn't want him to know that.

"yeah," he nodded as he fixed his cap.

both of you stood there, not really knowing what to do or say next. you should probably wish him luck and send him off but you don't want to. not yet, you keep on repeating to yourself. sensing your dejection, taemin suddenly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into one of the tightest hugs he has ever given. your hands quickly wrapped around him and you buried your face on his chest, inhaling his scent and trying to memorize it--even though you already do.

"i'm going to miss you," he whispered tenderly. "so much."

"i will miss you too." you finally let out the sob you were holding back. thinking that it was impossible, his embrace tightened even more around your shaking frame.

he kissed the top of your head and murmured how much he loves you again and again. right then and there, you wanted to be selfish and don't let him go, and as if on cue his phone started to ring. he answered it and their conversation was less than a minute but you know exactly what it was about.

"they're downstairs already," he stated as he let go of you.

"you should not keep them waiting then." you clumsily wipe away the tears in your eyes.

you both bid your goodbyes before sharing one last kiss. he then got out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

and just like that, you were left there in complete silence. you blankly stare at the closed door and you never felt more alone in your life.

you were about to turn around when the door burst open without warning. standing there was taemin who unmistakably ran back considering his heavy pants.

"taemin?!" you exclaimed from the shock. "what, did you forget something?"

"yes, i forgot to ask you something." he exhaled. "i forgot to ask you to marry me," he said in full seriousness while staring straight into your eyes.

"y-you... what? huh?" you fumbled with your words as your brain tried to process whatever he just said. "w-what did you say? i don't--" you attempted to ask again.

"when i get discharged, will you marry me?" he repeated as he moved closer towards you. you just gaped at him without saying a word and that made the nervousness slowly crept into him. "sorry, i was not able to get a ring since this was... well, spontaneous. but um... here, will this do?" you watched him remove the ring he was always wearing on his right hand. he unceremoniously raised it in front of you and waited for your reply.

you were beyond stunned. sure, you both talked about getting married someday but you didn't think he would propose today. you always knew that when he planned for the special day, you will easily catch on. he was not really the best planner and secret keeper after all. nothing has prepared you for this moment.

"y/n?" he cautiously called out, getting a little concern from your lack of response.

you looked away from the ring and moved your eyes to meet his uneasy ones. he was undoubtedly waiting for your answer.

"yes," you barely managed to blurt out. "yes, of course, i do!" you repeated, this time firmer.

you have practically seen the weight off his back after hearing your response. he broke into a tiny celebration dance before composing himself again and sliding the ring into your finger.

"okay... i didn't think about that part." the ring was big for you which was not surprising. "sorry, i'll just get you a new one soon." he embarrassingly rubbed the back of his neck.

"it's alright, it's perfect." you can now feel another urge to cry but this time it is out of happiness.

"i love you," his expression soften and one eyebrow raised up, a habit of his whenever he says something genuine. he titled your chin up and captured your lips for a passionate kiss. you stand on your tiptoes in your attempt to deepen the kiss which made him smile. his other hand moved to your lower back and pulled you closer to him while you ran your fingers through his hair. it felt right, both of you know exactly that this is where you two belong--with each other.

however, your little heaven was interrupted once again by the ringing of his phone.

"okay, you should definitely go now." you ultimately let go of your hold around him.

he nodded. he knew he cannot delay his departure any longer. "goodbye."

"goodbye," you echoed. "just for now."

he waved his hand before going out and shutting the door. this time though, he did not come back running. you knew he was on his way to his enlistment and you would be alone in the apartment for months but right now, you did not feel that lonely anymore.

you looked down and adored the ring around your finger. 18 months would indeed move slowly but it will be bearable because this time, both of you have something to look forward to.

[koressecretidentity]

The four times you told Tommy you love him and the one time he told you

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, swearing(?), tell me if there’s more

Word count: 3103

Characters: Thomas Shelby, (Y/N) (L/N), Polly Gray and some others are mentioned

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Reader gender: I don’t think it’s specified, if so, please tell me so I can correct it.

A/N: English still isn’t my first language, forgive me for any grammar or vocabulary mistakes.

GIF is never mine unless stated otherwise

Masterlist

1: age 16 and 18, Charlie’s yard

You were 16, he was 18. It was on New Year’s Eve; the Shelby’s had decided to invite a few people to the yard to celebrate the new year of 1909 and it was close to 12 AM. You remember the day like it happened yesterday even if it was years ago. Back then, Tommy was happier, more alive, laughed more, smiled a lot and especially at you. Nobody failed to notice how his eyes lit up when you walked in the room. How, every time someone made a joke, his eyes would search for you to see if you smiled because your smile seemed to be his favorite thing in the world.

“10… 9… 8…” 

The past year, 1908, you had grown closer to Tommy than ever before and you, too, sought out his smile when someone joked. Your ears seemed to turn towards his laugh whenever you heard him and you blushed profusely when he caught you staring. It was safe to say you had a little crush on Tommy.

But that evening, you realized you loved him. It was just a simple moment, nothing special, he didn’t save you from any harm, he was just… There.

You walked onto Charlie Strong’s yard and greeted the Shelbys like you always did. Hugs for Ada, Polly and John, greeting Martha with a handshake, Arthur boomed out your name while he was passing drinks to the guests and you waved back at him and little Finn was clinging to your leg before he got pulled away by his friends to play.And then there was Tommy.

He was talking to Charlie Strong and Johnny Dogs, a bright smile on his face and a laugh escaping him as Johnny said something you couldn’t make out.“Look who’s here, eh!” John called out to Tommy while he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you towards him.

“Alright John,” Tommy chuckled and playfully slapped his hand away from your shoulders, “Hands off, that’s my property.”

And while it was just teasing and joking around, your heart had jumped up to your throat and the butterflies turned into elephants. With those words, with just a joke, you knew you loved him and wanted to be his.

“7… 6.. 5…”

“Tommy, where are we going?” You laughed as Tommy pulled you along, hand in yours and a happy smile on each of your faces.“You’ll see, patience is a virtue darling,” Tommy answered and pulled a little harder, “c’mon.”

You weren’t too far away from Charlie’s yard, but far away enough to only hear the laughter when it was loud enough. Tommy suddenly stopped and you almost walked into him. He sat down and pulled you along so you’d be seated next to him.

“We’re going to watch the fireworks from here. Less screaming children and the noise isn’t as bad.”

You chuckled and raised an eyebrow; never before had you two ran off to god knows where to escape the noise, why now?

“4… 3…” 

You looked at Tommy, they were counting down loud enough for you two to hear and suddenly you had the urge to tell him.

“2… 1…”

So you did,“I love you Thomas Shelby.” You whispered softly but loud enough for the words to reach his ears.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

 And he answered. Not with words, but with a kiss. He gently took your face in his hands and brought his lips closer to yours, calling out your name in a soft whisper before he placed his lips on yours.

------------

 2: age 22 and 24, the train station

1914, the king had declared war on Germany after having offered an ultimatum and the Germans not accepting said ultimatum.

It had been on the front pages of each paper: Great Britain was at war with Germany and the army was looking for men who’d fight for king and country.And of course your dear boys had to sign up.

You and Polly had been furious when you found out they were drafted and here you stood. On the train station, waiting for the train to depart with Arthur, Tommy and John. After that kiss at New Year’s Eve, neither you nor Tommy had spoken about it. In fact, you went about your life as usual; you visited often, helped Polly with Ada and Finn (mostly Finn at that, Ada was getting more and more independent) and you and Tommy were back at being best friends.And it had hurt. He had started seeing a certain girl; Greta, was her name. But she died a little before this day.

After Greta had died, Tommy had been heartbroken and therefore not sad when he got drafted. While Arthur and John were happy to fight for their country, Tommy was glad to go so his mind would be distracted.

“Do you have to go, Tom?” You asked Tommy who stood in front of you. You smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in his jacket and reached up to fix a few strands of his hair.

“You know I have to,” he answered monotonously, “They ask us to fight for our country, we won’t say no. We’ll be home by Christmas, you’ll see.”

You nodded a little. They had said it would be like that; the men would be home by Christmas and the war would be over by then. So you’d let him go.

“Just come back to me…” you muttered and cast your eyes to the ground. You could no longer stand to look at his eyes. So bright, so blue, so full of life, so… Enthusiastic.

“Look at me, eh,” Tommy said. He called out your name and repeated his words while hooking a finger underneath your chin to make you look at him.So you complied; god knows when you’d see him again.

“I’ll come back, I promise.”

“Please Tom…” you shed a tear, the first of many to follow, “Please don’t say that, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He ignored your plea completely and moved his hand to cup you cheek softly, the other was resting on your hip.

“I’ll come back for you.” He told you sternly.

The whistle sounded, announcing that the train would leave soon and that all should board.

“I love you Tommy,” you told him and placed your hand over his, leaning into his hand and turning your hand to press a soft kiss to his palm.“Come back to me.”

------------

3: age 30 and 32, Shelby’s residence

They had all come back. The men all came back from the horse races, Arthur and John were celebrating in the Garrison but you were at home. The Shelby’s residence that is.

Tommy wasn’t with the men who came back. Polly had noticed as well but was convinced Tommy was off minding his own business as usual and being all secretive.

“It’s Tommy fucking Shelby,” she had said, “God knows what that man is up to these days.”

But you didn’t trust those words. Something told you that not everything was alright with Tommy but you decided to ignore that little voice in your head and go about your day.

He’d come back to you… He always did… He promised that day he came back from the war.

The war had taken longer than expected and you had to miss Tommy for 4 years. The letters you wrote each other were becoming inconsistent until Tommy’s letters didn’t come at all. They told you Arthur, John and Tommy had died, their whole troop had. But apparently, they weren’t dead and when you saw Tommy on that train station in Birmingham, you just couldn’t hold back your tears as he approached you and pulled you into a tight hug.

“I’m here,” he had said softly, “I’m alive. I’m here and I’ll never leave you again.”

Though it soon had become clear that your Tommy wasn’t fully back. Sure, he was there, his blue eyes as observant as ever but he had gotten quiet. His eyes weren’t as lively as before; they had seen too much death to celebrate life.The medals he had won, he had thrown in the Cut and he took the business over from Polly and even Arthur. He became the leader of the Peaky Blinders and engaged in illegal things. Things you didn’t ask about as long as you didn’t need to know. Tommy had been acting weird today; Ada told you he had stopped by and written a letter, a letter that she didn’t need to see but did need to post and he had been acting weird around you as well. He was… Touching you more.

After the war, he had withdrawn himself from emotion – so it seemed – and therefore touching as well. But today he had been constantly touching you, his hand never leaving you and if he did, he made sure to be back as soon as humanely possible. And then he went to those races. He had vaguely briefed you in on what was to happen today.

“We’re going legal today,” Tommy had said while pulling you closer by wrapping his arm around you shoulders, “Shelby Company Ltd. Will be legal and I’ll buy you all the clothes you want, eh? How about that?”

“I don’t need clothes, Tommy,” you had snickered and raised your eyebrows at him, “Just be careful out there, okay?”

Finally. You heard a door open and close and Tommy walked into the house. He seemed shaken, his hair was a mess and there was dirt on his hands and dried blood on the side of his face.

Your relieved smile immediately turned upside down. You got up so fast that your chair clattered to the floor as you rushed towards him, your hands cupping his face for an inspection.

“’s not my blood,” Tommy told you gravely. He let you check him nonetheless but eventually he called out your name a few times, asking you to just leave it already.

“Where were you Tommy? What happened? The others have been back and celebrating for a while now, why weren’t you with them?”

You shot your questions almost immediately, followed up by weak pushes against his chest.

Tommy caught your wrist and pulled you closer, halting your actions.

“I’ll explain later. I just-” He trailed off and let his head hang, lowering his hands and loosening the grip on your wrists.

And you knew that now was not the time to yell at him.

So you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. With a little hesitancy in his actions, Tommy wrapped his arms around your wrist and buried his face in your neck and you could’ve sworn you felt a few tears on your skin.

“It’s okay Tommy…” you whispered in his ear, “You’re home… You’re here… I love you.”

------------

4: age 30 and 32, Arrow House

Once again, New Year’s Eve. It’s just like every year since 1908; you get thrown back to the moment where you were 16, when you were brave enough to tell Tommy that you love him and he kissed you and how nothing ever came from it either. You know you told him you loved him more times than you thought you would’ve dared, but still… Neither you nor Tommy ever took the next step.

The next step… What was the next step? You kissed, you told him you loved him… Would the next step be him telling you he loved you? Did he love you like you love him?

“You coming?” Tommy peeked around the corner of the kitchen door, his eyes scanning the room for a second before he walked towards you. You who out of boredom had started to help the servants clean the dishes.

“You know I have maids for that, right?” Tommy snickered.

He seemed cheerier than usual, perhaps being with family and friends did that to Tommy. The smile even reached his eyes and his eyes seemed to glisten with a certain look.

“I know, but I needed to escape the noise for a second.” You told Tommy with a shrug and put down the plate you were washing, a maid almost immediately took it from you as you approached Tommy, drying your hands and placing the towel on the kitchen counter once you were close enough to him.

“Ada would be happy to hear you felt like helping the maids.”

Tommy raised his eyebrows and held up his arm for you to take. You did and he led you out but not to the living room where everyone was drinking and waiting for the clock to strike 12.

Instead, he took you outside to the stables. The horses were out in the field, the night wasn’t that cold and the stable boy would probably bring them inside before the fireworks begun.

The night was, however, cold enough for you to shiver and for Tommy to take off his jacket and place it on your shoulders, his arm soon joining the jacket.

“You remember the New Year’s Eve of 1908/1909?” Tommy suddenly asked you.

You couldn’t help yourself, you laughed awkwardly and felt your cheeks heat up significantly.

“Yeah I remember, I remember each year ever since,” you told honestly and shook your head a bit.

“How young and naive I was…” you muttered under your breath but Tommy, as observant as ever, heard you. He hummed dismissively and shook his head, stopping in his tracks.

Again, you weren’t that far away from the family, you heard them as they started the countdown and, honestly, your mind could only dwell on one memory.

“10… 9… 8…”

“You weren’t that naive,” Tommy said softly as he placed his hands on your sides, turning you around to face him. The moon shone brightly through the clouds, reflecting in his eyes. The normally ocean blue turned colder but no less kind towards you. You imagine this was the kind of blue his enemies would see, less kindness in them though, before they met their creator.

“7… 6… 5…”

Tommy cupped your face again, much like he did that New Year and suddenly you were 16 and 18 again, not 32 and 34. Suddenly his hair was a little darker, his eyes a little livelier.

“You remember what you told me that night?” Tommy whispered.

Of course you did, how could you forget? It was either the best decision ever made or the worst mistake in your life and here you were, 16 years later and still wondering which one it was.

“4… 3…”

“Of course I remember Tom.” You whispered back. Your lips were almost upon his and you felt his breath warm your cooled lips as he whispered one simple request.

“Tell me…. Tell me what you told me that night.”

You stayed quiet for a second. Mauled over his request as well as being curious as to why he would want you to repeat your words.

“2… 1…”

“I love you Thomas Shelby.”

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

“I know.”

And he kissed you again.

------------

 5: age 32 and 34, the hospital

It was a charity dinner and everything seemed to go alright. The rich people – incredibly boring as they were – all donated a sum of money to the Shelby institute. But everything went to shit when everyone got called to go to the dining room.

Some man pushed his way through the crowd towards Tommy and you.

You two were just talking, he was hastily trying to explain some things but before he could get to his point, the man yelled something.

“You need to eat Tommy, you’ll be no good when you’re half dead.”

“For angel!” and the next thing you know is darkness surrounding you and a godawful pain in your side.

Polly placed a hand on her nephews shoulder but he shrugged it off almost immediately.

“It’s my fault, Pol, that bullet was meant for me.” You heard Tommy’s voice. It seemed deeper, sadder. It was what made you open your eyes.

“Tom?” You croaked out, turning your head as your eyes slowly focused on his face.“I’m here, darling, I’m here.” Tommy immediately said, his hand squeezing yours gently.

“What-? Where-?” You looked around confused and then you noticed the dull ache in your side.

“You’re in the hospital,” Tommy said, “You got shot two weeks ago… At the charity dinner…”

You heard the emotion in his voice, you heard how he strained to keep talking and while Tommy Shelby never was a man of many emotions, he seemed to tear up at the sight of you laying there in the hospital bed, pale and clearly in pain.

“I’m so sorry,” Tommy spoke your name in a soft plea; he begged for you to stay, to forgive him but he wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go.

“Tommy,” You said, your voice slowly returning to you after he helped you take a few sips from a cup filled with water. “I’m alive, I’m okay or at least… I will be okay.”

Tommy looked up and rose from his chair. It was like you could read his mind; you shuffled carefully in bed, making a bit of space for him to sit next to you and look you in the eye.

Tommy put his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and placing a soft kiss on your lips.

“I could’ve lost you- I thought I had,” he said sternly and leaned closer, “And I never got to tell you… I was planning on telling you… Every time you told me, I wanted to tell you… But I couldn’t- The words didn’t want to leave my lips…”

And after 22 years he finally told you what he had wanted to tell you since he was 12 and you were just 10.He remembered how he had seen you, 10 years old, caring for a horse and calming it down with your soft voice. He remembered how he had thought ‘Yeah… That is the one.’ He remembered how he realized he loved you and never stopped, even if he had tried to forget about it with other people. It was always you… And he finally got to say those sweet words. A fact you already knew yet it didn’t fail to make your heart skip a beat or two.

“I love you.”

[amylillian22]

Doggie Door

Summary: Y/N moves in next door to Chris Evans. One night she gets called into work and asks Chris if he can dog sit her beagle, Phoebe. Knowing how crazy her work is, Chris hires someone to build a fence with a doggy door for both Dodger and Phoebe. 

Word Count: 1,784

Warnings: None. Cutness. Puppy love, pun intended, lol.

Author’s Note: I can’t remember, but someone gave me the idea to write something similar to this. Also, I couldn’t find a gif that worked with the story. Instead, I picked this cute one of both Chris and Dodger.

[My Chris Evans Master List]

Moving from Texas to Boston was slightly overwhelming for Y/N as she had never left her home state before. However, she knew it was the right decision to do when she landed her dream job at Mass General as the Chief of Pediatric Surgery. Within a week, she packed everything in boxes, drove across the country with her fur baby, Phoebe.

It’s her third day in her new home. The movers had arrived yesterday and managed to help her set up and place all the heavy furniture where she wanted. All that was left to do was unpack her boxes and turn the house into her new home.

She grabbed a box labeled dishes from the garage and brought it to the kitchen. She turned around and noticed Phoebe’s dog tags on her collar weren't clinging as she walked. Phoebe wasn’t a lazy beagle. She was active and always on Y/N’s heels.

“Phoebe?!” She looked around the half empty house and couldn’t find her. “Baby, now is not the time to play games. Where are you?” She called out again before she noticed she didn’t properly close the door that led to the garage, which was also open.

“Damn it!” She ran outside to the middle of the street. “Phoebe?!” She yelled. She jogged down the street calling out her name until she reached the deadend at the end of the street. Her eyes began to well up at the thought she lost her fur baby of 5 years.

“Phoebe?” She called out once more in front of her house.

“Excuse me?” Y/N turned around to see a handsome man walking towards her with Phoebe trailing behind him and another dog. Y/N rushed towards Phoebe and immediately kneeled down to hug her.

“I’m guessing this is your Phoebe?” Her neighbor chuckled as Phoebe licked Y/N’s face.

“Yes, thank you so much,” she stood up. “I got worried. I’m not familiar with the neighborhood just yet and neither is Phoebe.”

“I was washing my car and she came on over and started playing with Dodger,” she looked down to see his dog smelling and sniffing Phoebe. Phoebe licked his face before they started running around in the front yard. “I guess they like each other,” he smiled at the two dogs in front of him before he turned to look at her.

His smile was gorgeous. Infectious. She couldn’t help but smile back at him as she responded, “I guess so.”

“I’m Chris,” he extended her hand for a handshake.

“Yes, I know who you are. You’re Captain America. I’m Y/N,” she smiled as she took his hand in hers. “It’s hard not to know who you are when you work with a bunch of kids.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “So, you’re a teacher.”

“Actually, no. I just got the job as the Chief of Pediatric Surgery at Mass General.”

“Oh, wow. That’s amazing. It’s funny,” he chuckled.

“What is?”

“I work with a charity that helps with the kids and family at Mass Gen,” he explained.

“Really? I’d love to hear more about it.” She hoped he took the bait. She knew he was attractive. The guy was practically a Greek God. She only hoped he was open to the possibility of getting to know her just as much as she wanted to get to know him.

“How about over dinner sometime?” He asked with a sly grin.

YES! She mentally screamed.

“I’d like that. Well, you know where I live,” she pointed at her house. She mentally face palm at herself knowing she probably looked like an idiot pointing out with her thumb like she’s hitchhiking.

He chuckled, “I gotta get back to my car.”

“I’ll see you soon.” “Hopefully sooner than later,” he flirted back.

She smiled at him once more before she called out for Phoebe. Phoebe licked Dodger’s face once more before she ran back to her owner. Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle when she heard Chris tell Dodger, “I think you have a girlfriend now.”

***

During the past week, Y/N and Chris hadn’t had their dinner date yet. It’s not that they decided not to do it or one changed their mind. Y/N’s first week at her new job was hectic. She barely had time to cook or get a good night’s sleep. Chris has also been busy filming a new show for AppleTV in Boston.

However, in between their crazy and busy lives, they still saw each other in passing. They had small conversations when getting the newspaper or the mail. They’d say hi or bye when one caught the other on their way out.

But today was different.

“Ugh,” Y/N groaned as she quickly grabbed whatever clean clothes she could find. Phoebe whined in her bed, clearly annoyed she’s being disturbed during her sleep. “What the hell am I gonna do with you?” She asked Phoebe.

She quickly tied her shoes and glanced at the time. It was nearly 3AM and she was on call. Unfortunately, she was needed for emergency surgery as one of her patients took a turn for the worst. Given the horrible situation, Y/N was already worried and stressed about Phoebe. The surgery would take over 12 hours. The doggy daycare was closed to have Phoebe with her new furfriends for the night. She had no other choice but to ask her new neighbor.

She made a ‘tsk-tsk’ noise, signaling Phoebe to follow her. She took a second before she happily followed her owner. Y/N grabbed the pink leash and hooked it on Phoebe’s collar.

“Come on, baby,” She opened the front door and grabbed her work backpack. Y/N crossed her yard and into Chris’. Phoebe’s tail wagged with excitement as she realized she was going to visit Dodger.

“Please don’t get mad,” she mumbled to herself as she rang the doorbell and looked at the dark house.

She waited and hoped Chris would answer the door. Dodger immediately barked as the doorbell echoed throughout the house. Within seconds he was at the front door, barking and jumping up and down with excitement as he saw Phoebe outside the other side of the door.

After a couple of seconds later, Chris opened the door. Y/N tried her best not to drool as he was shirtless and his dark gray sweatpants hung low on his hips. He rubbed his tired and sleepy eyes, “Is everything okay?”

“I’m so sorry to wake you, but I have a huge favor to ask,” she started. “I got called into a long surgery. Too long I can’t leave Phoebe home alone. I’m wondering if you can watch her while I’m gone?” She continued without giving Chris a chance to answer. “The guys were supposed to built a fence earlier this week because I knew this was gonna happen, but somehow they were double booked and short staffed at the same time and-”

“Hey, Y/N,” he smiled as he placed his hands on her shoulders. “Relax. I got this. I can take care of Phoebe and I can keep her for a few more hours than needed so you can get some sleep afterwards. I got this. Go! A kid needs you right now. Go be the awesome superhero that you are,” He said as he grabbed Phoebe’s leash.

“Thank you so much,” she leaned and kissed his cheek. “I owe you.”

“I’ll be sure to collect,” he smiled as he waved goodbye to her.

***

Y/N groaned and turned around to lay on her back. She looked at the clock and noticed she had slept 12 hours straight once she finished her 14 hour surgery. Although there was some complications, she still had a successful surgery. The kid would have a long and hard recovery, but he was going to be able to live life to the fullest.

“I need to get Phoebe,” she mumbled to herself before she got up from her bed.

Phoebe had been next door for over 24 hours and she couldn’t have been more appreciative and thankful for Chris’ help. She already had mind to cook dinner on her night off for the both of them as a thank you.

She opened the back door and her eyebrows immediately furrowed as she saw a wooden fence around her backyard. On the left side, there was a big square hole on the fence and as if on cue, Phoebe and Dodger ran through their new opened doggie door. Phoebe ran and jump on Y/N, excited to see her owner after what seemed like forever ago.

“Hi, baby girl,” Y/N cooed as she scratched behind Phoebe's ears. Dodger started barking, wanting the same love and attention Phoebe was getting.

“Hi, Dodger,” Y/N chuckled as both dogs started licking her face.

“Howdy, neighbor!” Chris called from over the fence. Y/N stood up and walked over to see Chris’ head. She knew he was tall, but not that tall. She assumed he was standing on his picnic table.

She chuckled, “is that going to be a thing? Howdy neighbor? Because if so, I need to pull out my overalls and cowboy hat from my summer box.”

Chris laughed, his smile reaching the corner of his eyes. “So what do you think?” He lifted his arms up, showcasing the new fence.

“Chris, you really didn’t need to do this,” she started, only to be interrupted by him.

“I already had the guys coming in yesterday and I asked them to build you a fence since they were already here.”

“Let me get my check book,” she was about to walk away.

“No. It’s okay. It’s all taken care of.”

“I insist.”

“It was nothing. Just a few selfies and videos with them and they started building right away,” he smiled. “Wanna know the best part of it?”

“I saw it. The doggy door between the fences,” she smiled. “Smart idea.”

“Oh, it definitely is, but that’s not the best part,” he hopped off the picnic table. The doggy door hole was attached to a regular size door for them to cross over any time. Chris opened it and grinned as he entered her backyard, “I got us a big doggy door. Wait, that sounded wrong,” he chuckled nervously.

Y/N’s heart swelled knowing he went above and beyond to make things as easy for her the next time she got called into work in the middle of the night for surgery.

“I really don’t know how I can ever thank you,” she walked over towards him. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

He cupped her cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss. It was gentle yet so passionate. Y/N couldn’t help but wrap her arms around his neck. Chris’ fingertips dug into her hips, fighting the urge to bring her body flushed against his. She pulled back first, her lips ghosting his.

“You’re very welcome,” he whispered. Then, his lips formed a huge smile and started chuckling.

“What?” She laughed with him.

“I’d told you I’d collect.”

[artificialqueens]

Ever in Your Favor, Chapter Three (Rosnali) - Athena2

Summary: Rosé and Denali arrive at the Capitol Training Center and begin training, all while Denali tries to come up with a strategy that will help them survive.

A/N: Thank you so much for the lovely feedback on chapter two! There's a bit more action in this one, and I really hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much to Writ for beta-ing! Please leave some feedback if you'd like, I really appreciate it.

The Training Center is as big and white and gleaming as always, so tall Rosé has to crane her neck to see the top. Even though she was scared her first time arriving here sixteen years ago, part of her was excited by such a huge building, by the huge room that was all hers, no parents nagging her to start homework or sisters barging in to steal hair brushes. In the years since, she’s come to hate this place, walls heavy with anger and fear and sleepless nights in a bed soft enough that it shouldn’t cause them.

They’re in the Capitol now, miles from the coal-dusted world of District 12 in every sense. Everything here comes at the push of a button, and there are so many to choose from. There are ones in the train compartment to regulate temperature and recline the seats, and once they get to their rooms, they’ll face so many buttons in the shower that Rosé almost flooded the bathroom trying to figure them out her first time there. She hates how familiar it’s become. Hearing her name yesterday felt like a dream, but now that they’re here it feels like her old life in District 12 was the dream, and her home has always been and will always be in this center, in the arena.

No.

She doesn’t ever want this to feel like home. Home is the smell of fresh bread and flour clinging to hands. Home is her father whistling songs for her mother while he decorates cakes. Home is her sisters wrapping her in a blanket and loving her even on days she’s sure she doesn’t deserve it. The Capitol will never be home.

She and Denali are awake when the train pulls up to the center. They had stayed awake all night, sitting together even though Manila offered them private sleeping compartments. But Rosé didn’t want to be alone and unable to sleep, so she figured it was better to be unable to sleep with Denali instead. Less lonely, at least. The world faded through the windows as they stuffed themselves with every donut the dining car offered, washing it all down with hot coffee--nothing like the watery stuff in District 12--to ward off sleep. Rosé wonders if the Games made Denali scared to sleep around people, like they did to her.

“Good morning! Rise and shine, everyone!” Manila crows from the doorway. She’s changed into a hot pink dress with a matching hat, frowning at Rosé and Denali’s rumpled clothes.

“Morning,” Denali says, while Rosé just grunts. Everything feels too heavy to rise or shine right now.

“I hope you’ll be more cheerful for the cameras,” Manila frets. “Interviews aren’t far off, they’re—”

“We know, Manila!” Rosé snaps. She knows Manila means well, that she’s trying to help them create a good public image and survive. But Rosé has been awake for over 30 hours and she’s not in the mood. The reaping feels like a lifetime ago, a lifetime Rosé has felt every year in. She sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired. We’ll be fine in the interviews, I promise,” she says, because Manila’s face has fallen and Rosé doesn’t have the energy to be mean.

“We will,” Denali agrees.

“Of course,” Manila says happily, because nothing bothers her for long. “Let’s go to your rooms. We could all use some rest.”

They follow without protest, up to the same floor and into the same rooms they always stay in. Are the other floors already filled with their tributes? Tributes who will stop at nothing to kill Rosé so they can win? She forces the thought away, sinking into the thick carpet in her room.

Manila says they’re free until dinner, and Rosé drops on the bed and falls asleep.

---

The training room is empty at five in the morning, which almost makes it worth the early wake-up. Rosé had slept through dinner and woke up foggy and confused about the bed underneath her, to find a note from Denali inviting her to train. Denali stretches beside her, shorts and a sleeveless black shirt revealing her smooth skin, and Rosé’s stomach twists at the sight. Denali is beautiful, a beauty Rosé never lets herself notice.

“Enjoying the view?” Denali teases, sticking her tongue out.

Rosé sticks her tongue out back at her to avoid responding.

Denali continues stretching, her toned legs and muscled arms sparking some worry in Rosé. She’s not fifteen anymore, and she can’t remember the last time she went for a run or did anything that might count as exercise. Her days are mostly spent watching TV and trying not to think until one of her sisters shows up and coaxes her off the couch and into helping with dinner. The only good thing is that she doesn’t really drink anymore--only because she’d have to go out and buy liquor, and she hates leaving the safety of her house, hates how the world is so open like the arena, hates how people look at her. Either way, she’s in nowhere near as good shape as Denali. And that’s just Denali--what about the Career districts, where everyone works out in fancy facilities every day? What about the added challenge of every competitor having already won the Games and knowing how to fight?

Rosé turns her gaze to the weapons along the wall. Knives and spears and swords and axes, all gleaming and razor-sharp. She never thought she’d have to use one again, but seeing them just proves how real this is. She’s really going back into the arena, and she has to fight if she wants to survive. Even if it means fighting the woman smiling next to her.

“Are you gonna use a sword again?” Denali asks.

“I guess. I--I never actually trained with it last time,” Rosé admits. “I practiced with knives and spears, but a sword was all I could get from the Cornucopia. Figured it was--”

“Like a giant knife,” Denali says, and Rosé laughs, because that’s what she would have said.

“Yeah.”

“Like a knife and a spear had a baby, really,” Denali says thoughtfully. “Wait. So that fight with the District 1 boy, you beat him with no training?”

“I think it was instinct,” Rosé says. “I knew I was dead if he got me, so my body just reacted. And I got lucky. He slipped, and his chest was exposed, and then...you know.” She squeezes her eyes shut against the memory of him gasping as her sword sunk into his chest. Denali talks about the Games so easily, so freely, that Rosé forgot she doesn’t talk about it herself. It’s why she so rarely talks about anything besides the weather with Denali, because she can’t handle much else. Sometimes even just looking at Denali is too much, a reminder of the past that Rosé lost, and it’s easier to wrap herself in silence.

Denali nods.

Rosé clears her throat. “What about you? Sticking with your bow?” Denali is better with a bow than anyone Rosé’s ever seen, each arrow an extension of her arm. She was amazed every time Denali used it in the Games, mesmerized by how fast she loaded the strings and released each arrow.

“Definitely. I’ll practice with it later. For now”--she leads Rosé away from the weapons-- “I thought we could run.” She points to the track circling the upper level of the training room.

Rosé groans and follows, more grateful than ever that no one’s here to watch.

She keeps up with Denali, but she knows Denali is slowing her pace. Denali was so fast in her Games that people called her the Fox, and her quick, graceful movements prove the nickname. Her knee is bothering her, though. Rosé can tell, even if Denali won’t admit it. She hurt it the last day of her Games, so brutally Rosé could barely watch, her heart clenching at Denali’s pain. It had been down to Denali and a girl from District 4, and the girl pinned Denali underneath her. She grabbed a massive rock and crushed Denali’s knee so she couldn’t run, then dragged her by the ankle to the edge of a rainy cliff, twisting her leg until Denali was screaming in pain, mere seconds from death. Only Denali managed to grab a tree root, holding on with all her strength, and the District 4 girl lost her grip and tumbled over the cliff herself. Denali was barely conscious when the cannon marked her as the winner, and it took the doctors a lot of work to put her knee back together. Rosé spent days at the Capitol hospital waiting for her to wake up, needing to see that she was okay. Denali’s tough, she’ll give her that.

“Another lap?” Denali asks. She’s hardly broken a sweat, and Rosé takes back her previous thought, because that toughness is annoying. She wonders if Denali ever lets herself rest and sadly answers her own question.

Rosé pretends she isn’t huffing and puffing. “Let’s do it.”

---

Denali quickly makes herself a routine at the Training Center. She starts every morning working out with Rosé, her heart swelling with pride when Rosé keeps up with her, cheeks burning when her arms flex as she lifts weights. Rosé trains only with Denali, because she’s been practicing with spears and knives and doesn’t want anyone to know. It’s a good plan to keep her skills secret, even if it means Rosé hasn’t had a chance to size up the tributes herself. Then she has lunch and spends the afternoon watching Games of this year’s tributes, analyzing their strengths and weaknesses. Denali does a second workout before dinner, when the training room is littered with muscular tributes, watching them in between stringing her bow. Then they have dinner, where Rosé ignores any discussion of tributes or strategy. Denali spends the nights coming up with ideas, anything at all that can benefit them in the Games.

Denali understands that Rosé wants to avoid it, wants no reminders of what they’ll be walking into. Denali should use it to her advantage--if Rosé is rattled and in denial, she’s that much easier to defeat. But she can’t. Not when the world has been so cruel to Rosé, stripping away so much of her, taking that confident gleam in her eyes and replacing it with tired mistrust. Not when Rosé has been so good to her since they were kids and helped Denali survive the first time. Denali won on her own, but Rosé taught her to fight and got sponsors to send anything she needed, looking out for her the way she would her sister. Rosé had believed in her the whole time, and Denali wants to believe in her, wants to help her, too.

Even if helping Rosé makes it harder for Denali to survive in the long run.

---

The training room buzzes with grunts and fists smacking into punching bags. Denali hovers in the corner, watching the District 8 tributes. Their industry is textiles, and Denali’s been watching them work with ropes and knots, picking up new skills. Their female tribute seems nice enough, at least, and even shoots Denali a thumbs-up when she completes a knot successfully. Denali returns a hesitant smile, trying to forget that if she wants to live, this woman, no matter how kind she’s been, has to die.

She runs through tributes in her mind. Districts 1 and 2 are Careers, towering over her with giant muscles. Those districts have so many victors their victor pool was a regular reaping pool. The man from District 1 won the year before Denali, and she was grateful he wasn’t in her Games; he had cut down tributes with his axe in mere days, the footage soaked with blood. That relief was for nothing, because she’s facing him now. District 3’s tributes are older than Denali, and putter around the room with wires. Their industry is technology, so it makes sense. But Denali’s yet to see them train with a weapon, and wonders if it’s strategy or lack of ability. She won’t underestimate anyone. She had been underestimated herself, with her District-12-underfed frame and no advanced training, but she was born with her father’s bow in her hand, and nothing could stop her with it. District 4’s tributes--

“So it really is the Fox.”

Denali looks up to see the man from District 4--she’s pretty sure his name is Finn--looming over her. His hair is sun-gold, eyes sea-blue, and his looks are the main reason the audience had fallen in love with him. His charm in the interviews didn’t hurt, nor did the way he won in a week.

“Not like it could be anyone else from my district,” Denali says, making herself as tall as she can.

“Right, right.” He flashes a blinding smile. “Your other tribute never seems to be here. She’s not scared of us, is she?”

“Definitely not. She just has her own plans,” Denali says, anger rising in her at the thought of anyone thinking Rosé is a coward. She’s braver than this whole room put together.

“Good to have a plan,” he says cheerfully. “I have a wife back home. Baby on the way. Capitol will eat that up. Good love story, you know?” He tries to come off casual, but he’s truly excited about his family, Denali can tell. Just like with the woman from District 8, she doesn’t let herself think of the odds.

“Why are you here?” Denali asks.

“To talk to you. You were something in your Games. You and McCorkell both. I couldn’t believe how you hung on to that tree at the end. I thought you were a goner for sure. You’re tough, Foxx.”

Denali sucks in a breath. The worst nightmare she has about the Games is about that last day. Every time, she can hear the bones in her knee shattering under the rock, feel the branches scratching her arms as she was dragged along, smell the metallic tang of the blood pouring over her leg. Every time she wakes up, soaked in sweat and gasping for air, she tears the blankets off and checks that her knee is in one piece. Sometimes even in daylight she’ll be hit with a sudden pain and fully expects to see a mess of blood and bone when she looks down. The girl who did it was from District 4. Denali knows it wasn’t personal, that Districts don’t matter when it comes to that, but it leaves a bad taste in her mouth as she watches the man, who’s still talking.

“--If you and McCorkell want an ally in the arena, let me know.”

An alliance with Rosé is risky enough. There’s strength in numbers, but how big can she extend her circle? Can she let someone else in, trust them, and run the risk of getting betrayed in the arena, or having to kill a friend?

“I’ll think about it,” Denali says. But she’s really thinking about something else. About families and love stories and Capitol sympathies. She has a plan. She just needs to get Rosé on board.

---

“Knife practice today?” Denali asks once they’ve finished their run.

Rosé nods, grabbing two knives and tossing her one, which she catches easily. They face off, lunging and dodging and blocking, and it’s so like Denali’s first time training, carefully watching Rosé and being in awe of her, that she feels some of her seventeen-year-old energy take over. Even Rosé seems less tired when Denali looks at her with eyes of the past. Her moves are fast and graceful, almost enough to distract Denali. She could watch Rosé move for hours, eyes tracing the sweat dampening her hair, the curves of her arms.

“Tired, Rosie?” Denali teases after her knife almost gets Rosé, the old nickname flying out and feeling so good on her lips.

“I could do this all day,” Rosé shoots back, even cracking a smile.

Denali takes the buzzing in her body from looking at Rosé and uses it, knocking the knife from her hand and slamming her against the wall, knife pressed to Rosé’s throat. Her other hand holds Rosé’s arm in place, and Denali’s palm tingles at the hard muscles beneath her. She’s close enough to see the freckles snaking under the collar of Rosé’s shirt, close enough to see the flecks of green in her hazel eyes. Rosé has always been beautiful; it’s just that Denali doesn’t see her often enough--and never this close--to truly appreciate it. Now, she takes everything in like a person gulping water after escaping the desert, desperate to drink in every detail.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Rosé mutters, and Denali’s cheeks burn.

“And so the student surpasses the master.” Denali smirks, but before she knows what’s happened, the knife is snatched out of her hand and she’s being twisted around. Denali gasps when her back hits the wall and the knife is at her throat, one arm braced by Rosé’s body and the other pinned to the wall by Rosé’s hand over her wrist.

“If you were really the master, you wouldn’t have left my other hand free,” Rosé says. “And I taught you that move in the first place.” She tightens her grip on Denali’s wrist, thumb stroking her skin so gently she’s sure Rosé isn’t even aware of it. For a second, her smile is the one Denali remembers, the one that shows all her teeth and stretches into her cheeks, and Denali’s breath flies out of her. Rosé releases her grip, and Denali is sad to lose her touch.

“Wanna do another round? With a bet this time?” Denali asks, raising an eyebrow. “I win, you have to talk strategy with me. You know we need one. District 1 has been running sprints and training with every weapon. I think they’re gonna sprint to the Cornucopia, get everything they can, and attack from the start. The man from District 4 is gonna talk about his family for sympathy points. He offered me an alliance, actually. You won’t even look at the other tributes. You know some of them think you’re afraid? We need a plan, Rosé.”

“Why, so the Gamemakers can shit on it?” Rosé demands. Anger crosses her face, and Denali isn’t sure if it’s because she’s calling Rosé out, or because her courage is being questioned.

Denali clenches her fists. “Well, we need something! I know you’re pissed, but why don’t you use that anger to prepare? Do you think Jan wants you going in the arena with no plan?” Rosé flinches and Denali immediately knows she’s gone too far. Not just in bringing up Jan, but in using her against Rosé. She opens her mouth to apologize, but Rosé is already speaking.

“The boy who was chosen with me had a plan too,” Rosé says hoarsely. “He wanted to risk getting food at the Cornucopia. I watched him get killed ten seconds in. My plan was to keep to myself, avoid everyone. That worked until the Gamemakers got bored and conjured fucking murder-wasps to draw us together. It doesn’t matter to me who the other tributes are. If I want to survive, they have to die, and you know my plan this round? Survive.” The anger she started with has collapsed into sheer exhaustion. The exhaustion of waiting for 23 kids to die so she could live, and having to do it all over again. The exhaustion of watching 23 more kids die every year, and never being able to save the ones she’s supposed to guide. The exhaustion of someone who managed to survive and constantly wonders why they got so lucky, constantly questions the price of that life.

The same exhaustion Denali pretends not to feel weighing down her bones.

“Rosé, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, Denali. You’re doing everything right and I’m not helping. I taught you well.” Rosé offers a weak smile and rubs her hands over her face. “I just--I never wanted to do this again.” She sinks to the floor, back against the wall, knees cradled protectively against her chest.

“I understand. Can I sit with you?” Denali asks gently, since Rosé still seems a little fragile, like glass held together with tape. Denali’s not used to seeing her like this, and it hurts her chest somehow. Rosé nods, and Denali copies her position.

“Denali, are you sure you want me in the arena? I wouldn’t blame you if you allied with other tributes. I mean, you’re you, and I’m”--Rosé shakes her head helplessly, like she’s trying to figure out exactly what she is-- “I’m just me. I won almost twenty years ago. I’m not in shape like you. I don’t want to hold you back.”

It breaks Denali’s heart to know Rosé thinks of herself like that, and she won't let her. “‘Just me?’” Denali asks angrily. “Just Rosé McCorkell, one of the youngest victors in history? Who won a sword fight with no training and taught me to fight in the first place? Don’t even think that, Rosé. You’re already keeping up in training—you just crushed me in that knife fight. There’s no one else I want on my team.”

“Thanks for the ego boost,” Rosé says, but Denali can tell she’s touched by how her eyes soften at the edges. “I’m not giving up. I can’t. And I don't want to let you or my sisters down either. It’s gonna take those Capitol bastards a lot more to get rid of me.”

Denali smiles, glad the fight has returned to her. “I know planning seems pointless. I just want to have something, so maybe we don’t get sucker-punched again.” It’s how she’s lived her entire life since the Games--watching old footage, staying in shape, sleeping with weapons. Never a moment to rest, because any moment of rest in the Games means almost certain death. It was her way of staying ahead of the Capitol, of not letting the Games beat her. But maybe they did win, and her routine is a losing cause. Maybe she did all that stuff—in essence, training—because she had already lost herself to the Games and would do anything to tip the balance in her favor, to fully escape it all. Maybe some part of her was always afraid of going back, and wanted to prepare for the next round.

“What did you have in mind?” Rosé asks.

“Well, we don’t have a mentor, so we’re especially screwed.”

No other victors means no mentor for them. They don’t need fighting tips, but the mentor is the one out in the Capitol advocating for them, getting sponsors to send supplies. With no mentor, they have to be enough on their own to convince people to send things. Everything they do, from the minute tribute interviews start, has to make the crowd love them enough to keep them alive.

When she was seventeen, she followed the strategy Rosé gave her--be cheerful and excited in the interview; stick with your bow; keep away from the others and let them weed themselves out--and relied on her to get Denali supplies. That’s not an option here.

“I didn’t have a mentor my first time either,” Rosé says.

It was bad enough being torn from your life and having to compete; Denali couldn’t imagine having to do it alone. And Rosé was only fifteen. She must have been so scared, and Denali wishes she could have helped somehow, protected that young version of Rosé.

“Right,” Denali says. “But people loved you and sent you stuff anyway. How did you make it happen?”

Rosé shrugs. “I knew I had to make them like me, so I wanted to be perfect at first, but Manila—she felt bad for us and kind of made herself our mentor—suggested a little more honesty. So I turned up the charm, kept smiling, and whenever they brought up Jan, I said how I felt. I didn’t want them using her against me.”

Denali nods. She had been glued to her screen for Rosé’s interview, hanging on every word. She was absolutely genuine, radiating pure charm, making comments she let you think were serious for just a second before her brilliant smile and breathy laugh let you in on the joke. The only time she got emotional was when she said how she loved her sisters and kept touching the lion pin from Jan, which the crowd thought was the sweetest thing. They called her the Lion and went wild for her, and when she needed water or food in the arena, a silver parachute was never far behind.

“That’s what we have to do this time. Be extra likable, so the audience wants us to make it.” Denali takes a breath. “But we need something more. A lot of the tributes were audience favorites. We need something special to stand out.”

“Aren’t my stunning good looks enough?”

Denali ignores the joke. “I think we need to pretend we’re in love with each other.”

Rosé doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t run either, so that’s something.

“Think about it,” Denali continues when the silence is growing too long. “They want drama, right? Two childhood friends turned star-crossed lovers, loving each other even in the face of danger? The audience will eat that up. They’ll love us.”

It’s a perfect plan, really. There have been victors who ended up in relationships with other victors after the Games, but never two tributes who have gone into the Games as a couple. It immediately sets them apart from even the most beloved tributes this year, making them the ones to watch, to remember, to love. The drama makes the Games just as much as the action, and who wouldn’t love the drama and sweetness of romance? If they can sell this, the audience will instantly root for them, sending parachutes of whatever they need to keep watching them until the end.

The end.

Denali doesn’t want to think about what happens at the end.

“That…could work,” Rosé says hesitantly. “I just--you’d be okay with me using you like that?”

Of all the protests Rosé could have made, worrying about Denali was the last one she expected. Even with everything the Games took from her, Rosé’s heart is still intact in her somehow.

“I mean, we’d be using each other.” Denali smiles ruefully. “Look, you said yourself the goal is to survive. This will help us do that. It doesn’t have to change anything between us. It’s a fucked-up game. We’re just playing it.”

Rosé closes her eyes, breathing in and out slowly, deliberately. She does it two more times, and Denali can’t imagine what’s going through her head. She opens her eyes, and Denali sees her answer.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Rosé nods. “And Denali?”

“Yes?”

“Tomorrow I’ll train with you when the others are here. Let them see us together,” Rosé says confidently. There’s a dim fire sparking in her eyes and she seems like her old self again, the one Denali admired so fiercely. “The last thing we need is someone calling bullshit on us.”

“You’re right.” Denali didn’t even think of that. They have to be careful and really make it believable. But they have a shared past, and even if they no longer know each other as well as they did, Rosé is just as determined and dedicated as Denali, and they’ll make this seem real.

It can work.

Denali just hopes it doesn’t come down to the two of them at the end. Because looking at Rosé like this, her eyes shining and cheeks gently flushed, Denali doesn’t think she’ll be able to kill her.

[imgoingtohellsofuckit]

Hope Can’t Fix Everything

Jasper x Human!Reader

Warnings - Angsty, mention of blood

Summary - Jasper finds his mate, but it’s not all perfect.

Jasper Hale never planned for his life to go this way. He never planned to become a vampire or to live for eternity. But he always went along with it. No matter what fate tossed at him. Because he had hope. Hope guided him through all his years. It lead him to Alice who took him to the Cullens. Hope brought him a undead life he finally could be okay with it. But something was missing. His true love. He saw Emmet and Rose. Carlise and Esme. Edward and Bella. But he still was alone. He couldn't believe it. How could fate screw him over again. But even when it looked like fate forgot him. Alice reminded him to remember to have hope. To trust fate to bring him who he's looking for. And one day it finally died.

"Is this seat taken?"

Jasper's eyes moved from his paper to the person before him. They were beautiful. Absolutely stunning. They have no right to be this perfect.

"Hello?" They ask, "is it taken?"

"Uh no," Jasper says softly, "it's free." They smile lightly.

"Do you mind if I sit there?"

"No... I mean no I don't mind you can sit there," He says panicking lightly. They chuckle.

"You're cute," They say, "my names Y/n L/n. Yours?"

"Jasper Hale," He says softly.

"Jasper Hale," They say, "that is a nice name. You got lucky your parents loved you enough to give you a cool name." He chuckles lightly.

"I like your name," He says.

"Thanks," They say, "I hated it growing up. But it grew on me."

"Alright now that everyone is settled lets get started."

The feeling in Jaspers chest revealed it right away. This was his person. This was his mate. And to think they were just right there. So close. He felt excited for what was to come. But he was also terrified. He knew nothing about this person. But he knew one thing about them. His mate was human. Which made this about a hundred times harder.

When Jas got home that night Alice practically tackled him to the ground.

"Well?!" She exclaims.

"I found them," Jas says, "I found my mate."

The rest of the family looks wide eye at the boy. Happy for him. Sure but confused.

"Slight problem though," He says.

"What type of problem?" Bella asks.

"They are human."

This was something they weren't prepared for. Even after Bella and Edward. They always assumed that Jasper would end up with another vampire. Mostly because of his trouble with humans. But still it's not like he could change it now.

"So their human," Bella says, "so. I was human."

"Yeah Bella is right," Alice says, "they are your mate. You are destined to be together."

"Yeah Jasper," Emmet says, "you've been waiting for them for over a hundred years. I'm sure that a pulse isn't enough to stop you."

Jasper with his families' encouragement suddenly felt a lot better about the situation. He has his mate. The person he is destined to spend the rest of his life with. And they are right here. He'll do this right.

The next day he was waiting for them in his last class. Excitedly watching as they stride across the room to take the seat next to him.

"So why are you taking AP Environmental Science?" They ask Jasper, "what made you choose a class 9 other people choose?"

"I like science," He says, "and I wanted to study something new. What about you?"

"I'm a hippie," They say simply, "metal straws no plastic. Pure vegan." Jaspers smile drops lightly. His mate was a treehugger? He suddenly didn't know about this. "I'm totally kidding. My mom is a Environmental Lawyer and she signed me up for the class." He chuckles lightly.  "This class is a joke. You're lucky you joined halfway through it. Mr. Jones has been making us teach ourself since day one. So that fun little slideshow demonstration yesterday- don't get used to it."

"He doesn't teach?" Jasper asks, "why?"

"He's going through a divorce with his wife who also happens to be the Honors Anatomy Teacher," They explain, "since they filled for the divorce he's just been sitting at his desk sulking."

"Thats a shame," Jasper says.

"Yeah for our ap scores," They chuckle, "but don't worry I'll add you to the class group chat. What is your phone number?"

"Uh here," He says scribbling it down then handing it to them. They smile wide.

"Perfect," They say, "I'll add you to it. You'll get everything you need in it. Plus we have study sessions all the time and you get all the info for it in there."

"Thanks," He says, "thats awful nice of you."

"Anything for my fellow prisoner," They say, "besides without us there is no way you'd pass." Jasper chuckles. His mate moves to open their laptop and start working on something the teacher had sent for them. "So you have a big family?" They ask, "the ones who I always see you with right?"

"Yeah we were all adopted," He explains, "thats why-"

"You guys have people dating each other," They say, "I mean it's the talk of the school. The first interesting thing to happen in Evergreen since our prom queen killed our prom king."

"That happened?" Jasper asks.

"Yeah well that's what everyone thinks happen," They tell him, "I mean they never found a body and well Cassie and her family left town three days after Camden went missing. Anyways it happened a year ago. So now everyone's focus is on you guys. The Cullens."

"We are pretty used to it," He says, "we are a weird family so when we move to a new town we tend to get plenty of attention."

"Do you move a lot?"

"Uh kinda," Jasper answers, "just depends."

"Your dads a doctor right?" They ask, "what causes a doctor to move a lot?"

"We go where they need more doctors," Jasper answers, "apparently you guys were in some pretty desperate need." They chuckle.

"Yeah you can say that," They say, "we have a really small hospital so when Cassie's mom left we were down a doctor. You'd be surprised how bad losing one doctor is in a town like this."

"I can imagine," He says, "I mean it's a pretty big deal when you have one doctor."

"Tell me about it," They say.

The bell for the class rings signaling the end of school. They smile over at Jasper brightly. Then looks down to their phone. Jasper feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out and smiles lightly.

Unknown- It's Y/n! Can't wait to get to know you

"If you need anything feel free to text me," They say.

"Hey Y/n lets go!" Some girl calls from the door.

"Yeah alright," They call to their friend then looks back to Jas, "I'll see you around Jasper."

As they move off Rose moves to Jaspers side with a smirk.

"They are cute," Rose says, "you should get on with it."

"Yeah sure," Jas says, "I'm trying okay."

The next couple days it seemed to go smoothly. They'd hang out at school text all night. It felt like everything was going right. So on Friday he decided to step it up a bit.

"Okay do you have any plans for tonight?" Jasper asks them.

"Uh no," Y/n says, "why? Wanna take me out on a date?"

"If you'll have me," He says, "a movie?"

"Sounds great," They say, "got any movie in mind?"

"I was gonna let you pick," He says. They move pulling their phone up. Then nod.

"Alright there is this horror movie called Until Sunrise and apparently its terrible," Y/n tells him, "we have to see it."

"You like horror movies?"

"I love horror movies," They tell him, "even more than that I love terrible horror movies. Ya know the ones that make you question if the writers were on bath salts while making them." He chuckles lightly. "If you don't like horror movies we have other options. But if it's just cause you're scared don't worry you can hold onto me for support."

"No that sounds great," He says, "do you need me to pick you up or do you just want to meet there?"

"We can meet. I'll see you there Jasper."

So he heads home to get ready. Explaining to his family that they were going to a movie. Bella tries to give him some tips for how modern human girls like their dates. Rose immediately tells Bella that Bella has no authority to talk because she was weird.

"I know what girls like-"

"Yeah from like 12 years ago," Rose says, "seriously think about it. Times have changed. Humans have changed since then."

"Okay so just be yourself,"  Alice recommends.

"He can't be himself his mate will run for the hills," Emmet says, "no you've got to be cool."

"Ignore him," Esme says, "just relax. Read the room."

"And remember to breath," Bella adds, "when you stop breathing it freaks people out. And blink."

"I remember to blink," Jasper says.

"No you really don't," Rose says, "so remember to do that."

"You should get going," Alice says, "you don't want to be late."

So He got to his car. As he drove he couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly nervous. What if he messes this up? What if he drives them away? Oh god. Suddenly his didn't know if he could go through with it anymore. But when he saw them sitting outside the theater staring up into the sky waiting patiently.  It all melted away. He climbs from his car heading towards them.

"Hey Y/n," He says.

"Hey Jas," They say, "you look nice."

"Thank you," He says, "you look beautiful." They smile lightly.

"Thank you," They say, "wanna head in?" Jas nods. Y/n moves lacing her fingers in his. The movie is terrible. Honestly. The two end up laughing through most of it. However Jas being able to hold their hand. Cling to them. It makes it the best date he's ever been on. It's one of the only dates he's ever been on.

One date turns to two. Turns into dating. It's going amazing. But he feels guilty.

"You still haven't told them?" Rose asks him carefully, "Jasper you have to tell them."

"I was planning to tell them," Jasper says.

"No you weren't," Edward says.

"Get out of my head Edward," Jasper says at once, "I'm tryin it's just. I don't want to ruin this ya know."

"If you don't tell them then you'll ruin it regardless," Emmet says, "I mean you can't not tell them."

"I know I know," Jasper says, "I'll tell them soon. Tonight. We have a date."

Before they can keep hassling him he leaves to go prepare for his date. His partner had talked him into going swimming in some lake. He didn't really care much for the later but when they suggest skinny dipping well he couldn't exactly say no to that.

He meets his partner at the lake. They are already in the water. Though apparently in a swim suit. They smile widely at Jasper as he makes his way towards them.

"Hey!" They call, "I was gonna wait but the water is really nice."

They move slipping out of the water to meet Jasper. Pulling him into a soft kiss.

"Come on," They say leading him into the water. He tosses aside his shirt then kicks off his jeans. Jumping in the water in his boxers. The vampire is thankful that the lake was shallow. It only went to chest meaning no awkward sinking of being the rock  solid vampire. They pull Jasper into another kiss. "I've missed you," They say as the break the kiss, "I'm not one for teen romance bullshit but... You are different."

"Well we were meant to be," Jasper says, "fate. Right Darlin?"

"Right," They say, "you are so right." They move kissing Jasper's jaw. "You are always talking about Fate. It's like you've been looking for me." They pull away from Jasper to sink into the water. Swimming away from him. Jasper smiles. If only they knew. The two move around the water playfully. He scoops his mate in his arms and playfully dunks them under the water. They come up laughing.

"Oh I'll get you for that Hale!" They scream. They splash the vampire with full force. He seems unfazed so they try again this time jumping on Jaspers back. He moves a little to roughly and knocks them back into the water.  They simply laugh for a second before they make a pained face. Then suddenly the smell of blood fills Jaspers senses. "Oh shit. I think I stepped on glass." Jaspers eyes shift to black. Pain and hunger filling him. His partner climbs from the water gentle moving to their pile of clothes hoping to address the wound. Jasper stares at his mate. Trying to keep himself in the water. Trying to relax. But the smell. The bloodlust rising in his stomach.

He moves towards his partner. Jumping to pin them down. They were shocked. Confused as to why this was happening.

"Jasper what are you doing?" They ask slightly startled. They start to move. But Jaspers firm grasp keeps them pinned down. His mouth opens. His fangs showing clear as day. Y/n tenses looking at her partner in pure terror. He looks like an animal. A monster. "Jas! Jas! What are you doing?!" They are thrashing under him. Trying to push him away. "Jasper get off of me!"

Jasper leans to his mates neck. His teeth scraping lightly.

"Jasper stop! Get off me you're scaring me!"

The boy moves starting to bite but before he can sink his teeth into her he's yanked off. He see's Edward and Emmet holding him back as he growls lightly.

"Jasper! Jasper stop!" Edward yells.

But he doesn't calm down until he sees his mate in Bella's arms sobbing violently. He feels his mates terror. It's suffocating. All his hunger melts into guilt and regret. What did he just do?

"Babe," He says softly. He moves yanking away from the two men.

"Get away from me!" They shout, "I don't want you anywhere near me you freak!"

"Darlin just let me explain-"

"No Jasper we are done!" They shout, "I don't want you anywhere near me."

"Darlin I-"

"You freak!"

Disgust. Thats all that's radiating from them. He watches as Y/n leaves. Bella walking with her. He ruined it. He lost his chance at his mate. He ruined his own life. All his hope for nothing. He could hope that in time they will let him back in but his hope can't fix anything. This time- hope isn't gonna be enough.

[lawrenceop]

HOMILY for the Solemnity of St Peter & St Paul

Acts 12:1-11; Ps 33; 2 Tim 4:6-8. 17-18; Matt 16:13-19

A few years ago I had the joy of being at St Peter’s in Rome for a General Audience, along with around 200 Scout chaplains from around the world. Monumental statues of St Peter and St Paul flank the great church built on the site of St Peter’s martyrdom, reminding us that these are the two great figures on whose faith in the living Lord we depend. As the Magnificat antiphon tonight says: “Peter the apostle and Paul the teacher of the nations taught us your law, Lord.” And the law of the Lord Jesus is charity, love of one another as brothers and sisters in the Lord who is Love himself. Thus St Irenaeus, whose feast was yesterday, said that the Church of Rome “presides in charity” over the local churches of the whole world, for this is the Church sanctified by the blood of Saints Peter and Paul, the blood which they, as martyrs, shed for love of Christ and the Gospel. And these are the men to whom the Lord had personally entrusted the preaching and teaching of the Gospel of love; to safeguard the truth of salvation for all peoples and for all times.

So, after that General Audience in Rome, the Pope came to greet our group. I was a bit too far in the back to hear what Pope Francis said, but we were all told later on that the Pope asked us again and again to pray for him. Many people who have met Pope Francis have said that the Pope repeatedly asks us for our prayers, and you may remember that day when he stepped onto the balcony overlooking St Peter’s Square and he bowed his head and invited us to pray for him. His predecessor, Pope Benedict likewise said on the day of his inauguration: “Pray for me, that I may learn to love his flock more and more – in other words, you, the holy Church, each one of you and all of you together. Pray for me, that I may not flee for fear of the wolves. Let us pray for one another, that the Lord will carry us and that we will learn to carry one another.”

All these memories of the recent popes asking us to pray for them came to mind when I heard these words of Scripture today: “All the time Peter was under guard the Church prayed to God for him unremittingly.” (Acts 12:5) And given the enormity of the task entrusted to St Peter and his successors, it is right and fitting that we pray earnestly to God for the Holy Father. We pray, in Christ’s words, that the Pope’s “faith may not fail” and that he will “strengthen [his] brethren”, meaning the bishops, in professing and teaching the true faith in Jesus Christ, in whose name, alone, is there salvation. Let them not flee for fear of the wolves!

So we pray that we too can say with St Paul, at the end of our lives that “I have fought the good fight to the end; I have run the race to the finish; I have kept the faith”. (2 Tim 4:7) One of my fellow Scouts, a Frenchman used to say as a farewell: garde la pêche, which literally means to ‘keep the peach’, but which is slang for “be of good cheer”, “have courage”, “keep the faith.” The Lord Jesus too, when he was to depart from this world said to his disciples: “Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (Jn 16:33) Hence St Paul and St Peter, steadfast to the end, by their words and by their example, remind to be courageous in the face of adversity, to place our hope in Christ’s promise of having overcome the world, and so to keep the faith cheerfully.

Many fear, perhaps, that the faith is under threat today, and consequently many have lost courage and, even worse, lost their peach; they have no joy! Today’s feast, therefore, reminds us to look again to these great Saints, these steadfast friends of Jesus Christ. Always clinging to their hope and faith in Christ, and bound together in charity, they kept the faith joyfully to the end. Hence Pope Francis exhorts us too: “We know well that with Jesus life becomes richer and that with him it is easier to find meaning in everything. This is why we evangelize. A true missionary, who never ceases to be a disciple, knows that Jesus walks with him, speaks to him, breathes with him, works with him… In union with Jesus, we seek what he seeks and we love what he loves.” May Saints Peter & Paul pray for us!

[theycallmebecca]

Drabble: Rainbow Bridge

I am a writer. I’ve been a writer since I was 12 years old and it’s helped me get through a lot of stuff. Happy moments. Sad moments. Painful moments.

It’s been a way for my to channel my emotions and sometimes to fully understand them. And while we are all unique individuals, there aren’t many things we go through in life that there isn’t someone else who has gone through it, too. Or will go through it.

My stories may have a spin of the fantasy by including a celebrity and being published as fan fiction, but that doesn’t change the fact that the emotions are real.

This drabble is about comfort following the loss of a pet. Something that happened to me today (or yesterday, depending on when this gets posted). This isn’t the first time it’s happened to me, but it was the most sudden on a still young and otherwise healthy cat.

It’s been a very emotional day for me and my family, and it’s only now that I feel strong enough to write this drabble. In fact, until about 15 minutes ago, I hadn’t planned to write a drabble about it period.

But this morning, my friend @alievans007 told me she’d write me a Chris Evans comfort story if she found the time. But in the irony of 2020, it’s me writing this comfort story for both of us because her family’s cat passed away today, too. So this story is dedicated to Marley and Murray.

Title: Rainbow Bridge

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Rating: PG

Warnings: aftermath of losing a pet

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Chris had been on a conference call when you’d received the bad news from home. Your family’s beloved cat had been hit by a car and they’d made the tough decision to put her down due to her injuries.

You had cried on the phone as you listened to the awful timeline of events, but in the end you’d known it had been the right decision.

With Chris still on his call, you sought out the one other thing that could give you comfort. Dodger.

He was laying on his bed like a good boy, still resting and recovering from his recent surgery.

As you came to him, he lifted his head and let out a small whimper, as if he could feel the pain in your heart.

You sank to the floor next to his bed and he scooted himself closer to you. That soft whimper still coming from him as first his front paws and then his head touched you.

Reaching over, you wrapped you arms around his neck and cried as you hugged him.

That’s how Chris found you, a few minutes later.

“I saw the text,” he said as he sank to the ground next to you. “I’m sorry.”

Instead of pulling you away from Dodger, Chris just rubbed your back. He’d lost a pet before and knew that there really wasn’t anything anyone could do to ease the hurt.

As the three of you sat there, however, a poem came to him. He unlocked his phone and searched for “rainbow bridge.”

Finding what he was looking for, he started to read it aloud:

“Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.”

You and Dodger both raised your heads to look at him as he continued.

“When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.”

Chris gave you a small smile as he paused to take a breath.

“All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.”

You took a shaky breath as the poem shifted and Dodger nuzzled your hand with his snout. Reminding you that while you’ve lost one pet, you still have one that loves you.

“They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.”

Chris stopped reading as son escaped your lips.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought it might help.”

“It is,” you assured him as tears run down your cheeks. “Finish it, please.”

Chris studied your face for a second before he gave in to your request and returned to reading the poem.

“You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.”

“Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together,” you finished for him in a soft whisper. You’d known about the poem, too.

After setting his phone down, Chris wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly while Dodger rested a paw on your leg.

You were going to miss your cat, especially the next time you and Chris visited your family, but it was a little bit easier to handle with Chris and Dodger by your side.

Author’s note: The Rainbow Bridge is a real poem that, according to the website I got this text from, was written by an unknown person. But it is an amazing poem that expresses all the hurt surrounding the loss of a pet.

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11]

Also on AO3

Chapter 12: Martin Prime

As soon as he heard the bedroom door shut behind Tim, Martin turned towards Jon. He didn’t even get his mouth all the way open to say anything before Jon’s hands were on his face, and then Jon was kissing him.

It was their first kiss in far too long, since Martin had kissed Jon goodbye and promised to see him on the other side, and thank God it still felt the way it had before. A part of Martin had worried that things would be different—now that they were in the past, now that their plan was on its way, now that Martin was blind. This went a long way to reassuring him that they weren’t, though. Nothing had changed between them.

He gripped Jon’s elbows to hold him still. Jon’s hands dropped from Martin’s face and slid around his neck, seeming to try and pull him closer, although honestly if they got any closer Jon would be inside Martin’s rib cage. He also somehow managed to deepen the kiss, which Martin wouldn’t have thought possible a second previously. He closed his eyes and gave himself completely over to the moment.

The need for air was the only reason they separated, even a little bit. Martin rested his forehead against Jon’s and reveled in the simple fact that they were together again. It had probably been a good thing that they’d had these two weeks apart—it had given Martin a chance to prove to himself, and hopefully to Jon, that he could manage on his own—but he wasn’t going to deny that he’d missed him, and that he wanted him there as much as possible.

Something wet hit his chin, and it took Martin a second to realize what it was. Jon was crying.

“Jon?” he asked, unable to hide the worry in his voice. He reached up hesitantly to cup Jon’s cheek and rub his thumb across it, catching the tear tracks coursing down it.

“I was afraid I’d lost you,” Jon whispered. Martin could feel his sweater bunching up into his hands. “I was so damned—sure of myself. I told myself, when I let you follow the Keeper into that door, I told myself it would be okay, that whatever was hiding you from the Eye, from Jonah, I-I was sure it wouldn’t keep you from me, that I’d be able to find you, that I could Know you wherever you were, and then I couldn’t and I—I kept telling myself you were fine, you had to be fine, that I’d see you when I got to the Archives and you’d fuss at me for trying to get in your head and then we’d laugh about it, and then I got to the Institute and I saw all that chaos a-and I couldn’t find you, you weren’t there—”

“Jon. Jon, it’s okay, I’m okay,” Martin soothed. He pulled Jon’s head down to his shoulder, then began rubbing his back in slow, gentle circles with his free hand. “I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“It’s n—” Jon’s voice started rising, but he checked himself and hissed, “It’s not okay. I promised you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, and then everything almost happened to you. You were in the middle of Jane Prentiss’s attack, again, but this time you were alone and blind and helpless—”

“I’m not helpless,” Martin interrupted. He was rather proud of the fact that he managed not to say that in an angry or petulant tone, but quietly and firmly. All right, yes, he was a little pissed at Jon for thinking of him that way, but he did get where Jon was coming from. Still, he’d done perfectly well for himself on his own. He honestly didn’t know if he would have been able to do as well as he’d done if he hadn’t spent time with Melanie before…everything, but he’d done it. He could still handle himself.

All the tension and fight went out of Jon in one long exhale, and he sagged against Martin. “No,” he agreed quietly. “You’re not.”

They held each other for a long moment of silence. Martin could feel Jon trembling, and he guessed it wasn’t all nerves. “Come on,” he said at last. “Let’s at least lie down. When’s the last time you slept?”

“Ah—yesterday? Day before, technically?” Jon stepped back a little, but didn’t let go of Martin. “The—the bed’s over here.”

Since Martin was completely unfamiliar with Tim’s bedroom—he’d only even been to his house once—he let Jon lead him. Getting ready for bed was easy enough, as was crawling into it, the movements more than half-mechanical. Jon pulled the covers up over both of them and immediately curled into Martin’s chest. They both sighed in near unison.

“I’ve been worried about you,” Martin murmured, running a hand through Jon’s hair. He tried to be gentle about working through the knots he encountered. “How long have you been…here?”

“In the past? About a week. Six days, more like.” Jon sighed and tucked his head into the crook of Martin’s neck. He fit there like he was a part of Martin’s body. “I just got to London earlier this evening, though. How—you said you’d been here two weeks. Where did you…come through?”

“The Archives. I think I was in one of the back corners.” Martin bit his lip. “Wasn’t sure where I was at first, until I heard Tim’s voice. What about you?”

“The safe house. I should have expected that, really, but it still hurt knowing you weren’t there. And…walking out the door was harder than I expected it to be.”

“At least the sky wasn’t blinking at you.”

“It took me a bit to convince myself that it wouldn’t before I could open the door.”

Martin wanted to laugh, but he knew Jon was in earnest. “I’m sorry. I wish I’d been there to help you.”

“And I wish I’d been in the Archives to help you. I—I know you don’t need it. I know you’re…I wouldn’t have been able to do it.”

“Do what? Stop Jane Prentiss?” Martin frowned. “You did the first time—”

“You may recall that I didn’t do all that much, except make statements and slow everybody down,” Jon interrupted. “It was mostly you and Tim. Some Sasha, and…but that’s not really what I meant.” He reached up and brushed a trembling hand over Martin’s eyes. “I wouldn’t have been able to handle being alone and blind. I’d have been completely lost without you.”

“Well…I mean, I was, too. I even told the others that just before you showed up,” Martin admitted. “It’s just…I’m used to being alone, I guess? There was…I never had anyone to take care of me, other than myself, so I learned how from a pretty early age. Worrying about me was something that happened when I didn’t have anyone else’s needs to worry about, and that almost never happened. I’m always lost.”

“You’re not now,” Jon said fiercely. He pulled Martin’s head down for a kiss. “But that’s my point, Martin. If our positions had been switched, I wouldn’t have lasted two weeks on my own. I’d have broken completely. You’re…so much stronger than I am.”

Martin snorted. “I’m stubborn. There’s a difference.”

“You’re both,” Jon said. Martin didn’t need to see him to know he was smiling—it was obvious in the affection in his voice. “Almost everyone we’ve encountered has mentioned that. It doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t have done half of what you did. Let alone without getting everyone else hurt, if not killed. You did that.”

“Luck.” Martin hesitated. “I…I couldn’t really…Jon, the others, are they really okay?”

“They’re fine,” Jon assured him. “Except for…well, you. I’m sorry. It—it looks like their Martin took the brunt of the worms. But I didn’t even see so much as a hole on anyone else.”

Martin sighed in relief. “I can live with that.”

They fell silent for a while. Martin concentrated on the weight of Jon’s head against his shoulder, the thud of his heartbeat against his side, the warmth and softness of his skin under his hands. For as little time as they’d had together, or at least how little time they’d had before the world had ended and their clinging had been more desperate than loving, this was still so familiar, so comforting. Martin knew exactly where was safe to touch and where wasn’t, where Jon was overly sensitive and where he had no feeling at all. He literally didn’t need to see a thing.

“You know what’s bothering me the most?” he said at last.

“You don’t know what Sasha looks like?” Jon guessed.

“I don’t—are you reading my mind?” Martin felt his lips quirk upwards in a smile. Just a few months ago (or…whatever the actual span of time since the end of the world had been, he was guessing here), the very idea would have made him indignant, but now it was almost delightful.

“Is it wrong to say ‘I wish’?” Jon chuckled slightly, then sighed. “No. I—even right here with you, I can’t…it was the same with Melanie. Your eyes don’t work, so the Eye can’t use them. I just…know you. Lowercase know. And honestly, I wouldn’t have realized that was her if I hadn’t recognized her voice from the old tapes.”

Martin kissed the top of Jon’s head lightly. It was the closest thing to an apology he would be able to give for something Jon would fuss at him if he tried to actually apologize for. “So? What does she look like?”

Jon hummed. “Well, she’s tall. Not quite as tall as Tim, but taller than me, at least, which must have irritated me at some point. Slender, but…curvy, I guess? Not as waifish as the Not-Sasha was. Long dark hair, brown eyes. Glasses, too—the cat’s-eye type, you know what I mean?”

Martin frowned, trying to remember. “Are they…purple?”

“Yes. Wait. How do you know that? Could you see them?”

Jon sounded so hopeful, Martin hated to break his heart, probably as much as Jon had hated to admit he couldn’t actually read Martin’s mind. “I found a pair like that in the Archives once. While you were off on your world tour, I think. Tim made some snide remark about them being possessed or infused with evil energy or something like that, since they pretty obviously weren’t reading glasses.”

“Oh.” Sure enough, Jon deflated against Martin. “I hated that I didn’t recognize her. We were arguably friends for years and I—I didn’t recognize her.”

“That’s…kind of a good thing, though?” Martin didn’t exactly mean to make it a question, but he was uncertain. He hadn’t known Sasha as long as Jon had, even though he’d been with the Institute longer than the entire rest of the Archives staff put together. “I mean, if you did recognize her…it would have meant that she got taken by…”

“The Stranger. I know. I—God, I’m going to have to tell her tomorrow I looked into her head. You know I’m trying not to do that, but—I had to know if she was all right. When I realized the Institute had been attacked…”

“I think she’ll forgive you. I mean, it’s not like you did it for fun.”

“Still.” Jon suddenly tensed. “The table—has it been—?”

“Not yet,” Martin assured him. “Or if it has, someone else signed for the delivery. But I told…my counterpart to let me know if it did happen.” He paused. “Jon, what are we actually going to do with that table?”

“I don’t know. The—the Other was bound by it, not to it, so I’m reluctant to destroy it and risk unleashing it on the Institute. At the same time…”

“Someone’s bound to study it eventually,” Martin completed. “What about sending up a copy of the statement talking about it? I mean, they’ve got the calliope locked up. Maybe if they know how dangerous it is, they’ll let it be.”

“Maybe.” Jon didn’t sound sure. “I—I don’t know enough about the people in Artifact Storage to know how they’d react. We can ask Sasha. She wasn’t there long, but she might know more than, well, the rest of us.” He sighed. “I’m just glad she’s all right. I—I wasn’t sure if we’d even know if she got taken. If we’d get muddled and forget that the voice wasn’t the same.”

Thinking about it gave Martin a headache. “Thankfully, she wasn’t. And your counterpart didn’t get hurt. Or Tim.”

“I worried about that, too. I don’t know how much of…the way he was at the end there was because of the Stranger and how much was because of the worms and how much was just…the general atmosphere of the Institute, and the Archives specifically, but I’m sure him turning into a sieve didn’t help.” Jon pressed a kiss to Martin’s collarbone. “And you didn’t get bitten?”

“Not even once,” Martin assured him.

“Good. That’s good.” Jon paused. “Why did you trust Michael?”

“Honestly? I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice.” Martin thought about how to phrase it. Because Jon was absolutely right—the Distortion was incredibly dangerous and untrustworthy, whether Michael or Helen. “He showed up in the tunnels…I don’t remember him doing that when Jane Prentiss attacked us, but maybe it was just because it was in the middle of the day. Or maybe I just wasn’t worth tormenting. But he did this time, and it was, well, it was me or them. Tim and Sasha needed to make it out of the tunnels because Past Me needed to know they were okay. I didn’t want them lost in those corridors for days or weeks on end. And I guess maybe I was hoping it would be less disorientating because I couldn’t see.”

“Was it?”

“Actually, yeah. Or maybe he just made it more…direct.”

Jon snorted. “I can’t see him being so…helpful. Especially not to someone tied to the Archives.”

“Well, I’m not exactly tied to them anymore,” Martin said slowly. “Especially not now. And like he said, I’ve been marked by the Spiral myself, that time Tim and I wound up in his corridors. Mostly, though, I think he was helpful because I told him I’d come back to help save the world.”

“Michael or Helen, I really don’t think the Distortion would care that the world ended.”

“I…might have left out a few key details,” Martin said. He couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at his lips. “I told him that the Beholding was the one that had eventually succeeded in its ritual, and that he had been completely and utterly destroyed. He didn’t seem too sure until I described exactly what his hallways looked like, and who he used to be. Then I told him that if he wanted to have any chance not to have those things happen, he’d best let me through safely.”

“God, I love you. Have I told you that lately?”

“Not since you walked in the door, no.”

Martin meant it as a joke, but from the way Jon suddenly went stiff, he realized it hadn’t quite landed. “Good Lord. I—I really haven’t, have I?”

“Well, to be fair, neither have I,” Martin pointed out. “We did have other things to worry about. And, I mean, there’s the whole ‘we’re not going to tell our past selves that we’re in a relationship because we don’t want to rush them’ thing we agreed on. Honestly, Jon, you really think you have to say the words for me to know?”

“No. No, o-of course not. Still…” Jon cupped Martin’s jaw with one hand and kissed him—a soft, tender kiss that spoke volumes, even before he said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Again they fell into a silence, one less heavy than before but still weighted. Martin was tired—not as tired as the others had to be, but still tired—but he was reluctant to sleep just yet. He was perfectly content to lie there with Jon, enjoying the nearly-forgotten sensation of not being in imminent danger for once. The last time they’d been able to rest like this had been…well, all right, Salesa’s house, which didn’t really count with Annabelle Cane creeping about and Jon growing steadily weaker the longer he was cut off from the Eye. They hadn’t been able to relax this much, really, since before the world ended. And there was no telling how long they’d be able to relax now, so Martin was determined to enjoy it for however long it lasted.

He almost thought Jon had fallen asleep until he spoke again. “How much have you told them?”

It took Martin a second to realize what Jon was asking. “Not a lot. They only got here a few minutes before you did, really, and that was the first time I met Past You when he knew I wasn’t, well, Past Me. All I’ve told him so far, that you weren’t here for anyway, was that I was from the future and that we were here to save the world, and that the statements on the tapes were real. And, well, you heard how much Tim and Sasha knew. I told Past Me a bit more, but not much. Just that the Fears exist and that one of them runs the Institute.” He paused. “Actually, he—put things together pretty quickly, but I didn’t go into details. I suppose he’s figured it out, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I told him about the Fears…he asked if one of them had something to do with spiders, and when I said yes, he asked if that was why you hated them so much. I didn’t put it together until I heard your tape about that damned Leitner.”

Jon made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “When did you listen to that tape? I—well, I’m not upset, obviously, and I would have…but I don’t remember actually giving it to you.”

Martin bit his lip. “It was…it was while you were in your coma, actually. I listened to all of them. Every tape I could find. I told myself I was trying to fill in the missing pieces, to find out the things you’d known so I could keep the Archives running for you, because I had to believe you’d be back, but…really I just needed to hear your voice.”

“I know how that goes,” Jon said softly. “Honestly, it’s why I listened to all those tapes you were leaving for me as soon as I did. And the ones you did while I was…gone before.” He paused. “Wait…did you listen to the official tapes or the ones I recorded for myself?”

“Both. I didn’t know they were the same cases at first, but…well, the first time I realized I was listening to something I’d already heard, I went ahead and listened all the way to the end.” Martin tightened his arms around Jon without really thinking about it. “God, I felt awful about them. You were going through so much and I didn’t even notice…”

“Martin, no, it—you did notice. I honestly don’t know that I would have survived those months if you hadn’t been looking out for me. Even when I all but accused you of murder, you still looked out for me.” Jon hugged Martin tighter, too. “No one could have done more for me than you did. What happened wasn’t your fault. It’s never been your fault.”

Martin wasn’t sure how much he believed that, but he also wasn’t going to argue, not right now. They’d have plenty of time to argue later, he supposed. And really, if that was the worst thing they had to fight about, he could live with that. “Still. I wish there’d been something else I could have done.”

“Just as I wish I could have done more for you when you were working with Peter Lukas. We did what we could with what we had.” Jon sighed. “It will have to be enough. We can’t change it now—not for ourselves, anyway. And hopefully we can keep our past selves from ever having to face that.”

Martin hummed in agreement. “Jon…do you think we can? That we can actually keep Past You from being…marked by any more powers before we can take out…you know?” He left out the question that had been haunting him during the nights he lurked in the Archives: Could they even take out Jonah Magnus? He’d thwarted their efforts once before, after all, and even though they were in the past now, it wouldn’t be easy. “I know you can’t Know the future or hypotheticals or anything like that. I’m asking for your opinion. What do you think?”

For a long moment, Jon didn’t answer. Finally, he said quietly, “I don’t think we can keep him completely free of marks. Michael…wants his revenge. Despite your warning, I think he’ll go after Past Me at some point regardless.” He pondered for a moment. “Before the Unknowing. We’ve got to take him out before then.”

Martin didn’t question which him Jon was talking about. “Tim’s not going to be happy about us taking away his shot at revenge.”

“If there was a safe way of disrupting it, I’d be all for it, but I don’t think there is.”

“Jon, the whole point is that the rituals can’t succeed,” Martin pointed out. “It’s going to collapse under its own weight anyway, right? Why does he have to disrupt it right at the height of the ritual? Why not just…plant the stuff and let him press the button from a safe distance?”

Jon paused. “That…God, why didn’t I think of that? Of course, you’re absolutely right. As long as they’re all there, it…it doesn’t matter how far along it is.”

Martin could hear the exhaustion in Jon’s voice. He was about to ask if Jon was sure he’d slept within the last week when it hit him all of a sudden. Quietly, he asked, “When’s the last time you took a statement?”

The split-second pause before Jon answered told Martin everything he needed to know. “I’m fine.”

“Not what I asked.”

Jon sighed heavily. “I’ve done a couple small ones for myself since I came back, and, well, I was in the room when they gave their statements. It…took the edge off, at least.”

“Yeah, but it’s not enough. You’re starving, Jon.”

“What do you want me to do, start…pouncing people on the streets? You stopped me from doing that once before, and you were right, but—”

“I can give you one,” Martin said. He pressed a finger to Jon’s lips, forestalling his immediate refusal. “No, listen to me. You need a statement. And you’ve been without one so long, it’s got to be…fresh. Besides, I know you want to know what my trip back here was like. That’s…definitely a statement.” And it’ll probably keep you going for a while, he didn’t say. What he’d experienced, in a place he hadn’t expected to feel much fear, had nearly undone him, would have undone him if the Keeper hadn’t intervened at probably the last possible moment. But if there was anyone he wanted to have it, it was Jon.

“I don’t want you to keep destroying yourself to help me,” Jon whispered.

“Gotowe zdrowie, kto chorobie powie.” Martin quoted one of the old Polish proverbs his grandfather had taught him when he was little. He didn’t bother translating. One of Jon’s “gifts” from the Beholding was the ability to understand languages spoken at him, at least sometimes. He couldn’t speak them necessarily, but he could understand them, when the Eye felt it was important. He also knew that Jon didn’t always realize he was doing it. “Let me do something for you, Jon. Please.”

There was a long silence before Jon said, “Tomorrow. Not tonight. Just…I didn’t start seeing Melanie again after she—quit, but just in case it—one more night without nightmares.”

“Okay,” Martin agreed. “Tomorrow it is. After we’ve answered some questions, how’s that?”

“That’s…honestly better than I expected. I thought you’d try to make me do it first thing in the morning.” Jon sounded relieved.

“I’m trying to meet you halfway here.” They were both stubborn as hell—Martin probably worse than Jon, if he was being honest—but they were learning to make concessions to one another. As badly as Martin wanted to force Jon to just take the damn statement already, he also knew that the need for statements was the one part of the Archivist package Jon still hated. More so after what Jonah Magnus had done to him, done through him. And Jon was right about there being a chance taking his statement would mean both of them had to experience it in their nightmares. It was a chance they’d have to take, though.

“So am I.” Jon exhaled. “I…I don’t know how I’m going to do this. How to find the balance between keeping them safe and not keeping them in the dark. And how to do it without…manipulating them. Without forgetting that they’re people, not pieces on a game board.”

“That’s what I’m here for. To help you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Martin twirled a strand of Jon’s hair around his finger idly. “I don’t want to ever have to find out.”

Jon snuggled against Martin’s chest, and he felt the butterfly kiss of his eyelashes fluttering shut. “Neither do I.”

Translation of the proverb: “Ready the health, who shares the disease.” English equivalent: “A problem shared is a problem halved.”

[sage-sunset]

sunflowers in the rainy winter  - akaashi bday special

this is an aged up, post-college au for my akaashi simps out there

warnings - not much, total fluff, a bit suggestive at the very end 

recommended - 14+

wc - 2.2k

______

“Happy birthday, baby!” He looks you up and down, rubbing his tired eyes. You’re standing there in that pastel blue puffer coat that he bought you a month ago, shaking from the cold with raindrops stuck to your eyelashes. It’s pouring outside, and you’re holding your umbrella in one hand and a box in the other.

“y/n… love… it’s 12:07. In the morning.”

“I know! I wanted to beat Bokuto this year, he probably won’t get here until two!” “...until?” “You must be tired. Let’s go to bed!” You set the umbrella in the bag and put it in the little stand he has before taking off your coat. You’re wearing fuzzy flannel pajamas, the set Bokuto got the three of you last year. You’re still shivering when you put the box into the fridge and then pull him into the bedroom.

Normally you like to hold him, but since you’re freezing like this, he wraps you into his arms and you flop onto the bed together to huddle under the blankets. Your feet are like ice cubes, and he kisses your forehead and smiles into your hair as you fall asleep in his arms. 

He may have been woken up at midnight, but you being here already makes it the best birthday ever.

_

He’s barely dozed off when the door bursts open, and the telltale “HEY HEY HEY” rings out. He rolls his eyes and sits up to see his best friend, standing there in his soaked glory. You’re somehow still asleep, hands clinging to his shirt.

Bokuto is covered in rain, his silvery hair plastered to his clammy forehead. It’s so cold outside Keiji is surprised it’s not snowing.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO-” “Bokuto-san, please keep it down. Y/N is still sleeping.” “My bad! HAHAHA-” “Loud.” “Sorry!” He whisper-yells, and Keiji rolls his eyes again. Why did he give this doofus a house key? “Anyways, if you’re this adamant about being here, you can crash on the couch like last year.” “Nah, I’m gonna go home. It’s cold as balls outside, and I want my blanket!” Just like that, he leaves. He spent a good 25 minutes walking over to Keiji’s house in the freezing cold rain at midnight, and he literally just yelled for thirty seconds and then left again.

What the fuck? He tries not to think about it, and goes back to letting you curl into him.

_

This time, he wakes up by himself. The curtain’s open, light filters through, and he sits up. You’re not there, but the smell of something delicious wafts through the apartment.

He rubs his eyes and checks the time, it’s only a bit past eight. He smiles when he walks into the kitchen to see you making something, obviously the source of the smell.

“Love, what’s this?” “Making waffles for my waffle!” He stares at you.

“That sounded much more romantic in my head.” His waffle is just the way he likes them; crispy but still soft and fluffy inside. He stares at it, a warm fuzzy feeling bubbling inside at the little message you’ve spelled out in syrup over the whipped cream; “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. Jesus, he needs to marry you soon.

“Do you want coffee or tea?” “Coffee, please.” He takes a bite once you’ve sat down. It’s perfect, and as he eats he stares at you. You’re perfect too. 

“So, I’m sure you’ve already booked my day full. What are the plans?” You giggle, and the sound makes him feel even warmer.

“I remembered last month that you said that that new gallery was opening up at the museum. And Tsukishima-kun told me that there’s a big shark exhibit opening at the aquarium. So I figured-” “We go to the gallery, get lunch at that cafe we love, and see the sharks?” “You read my mind! Do you want to do that? If not, we can plan something else-” He takes one of your hands in his, and gently presses a kiss to your knuckle, right on your little silver band.

“It sounds absolutely perfect.” He starts to gather up the dishes, but you swat him away.

“You’re the birthday boy, go get ready! Oh, and I forgot to mention, Kuroo-san said that he and a few others are coming over around seven. So we should try to get back by five or so.” He pecks your cheek as you wash the dishes, and you giggle again.

“That’s fine. Do you know how long they’ll be over?” “Not sure, but it won’t be too late, trust me. I’ll have plenty of time to see my birthday boy in his birthday suit…” He blushes, and you turn back to washing the plates. 

“Go take a shower. I’ll join you in a bit.”

_

The gallery is incredible. You seem to agree, staring into each painting with focus and intent. The good thing about you both being artsy is that you can enjoy this kind of thing together.

He holds your hand gently as you lead him to the centerpiece. It’s nothing short of breathtaking. A huge, sprawling field of sunflowers in the middle of summer. The sky is the purest blue you can imagine, and puffy clouds float in the sea of azure. There’s a pair of hot air balloons floating among the clouds, one decorated in oranges and one in purples. In the distance a little farmhouse sits on the hill. The painting is oil, and it’s huge, taller than him. 

“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it, Keiji?” He says nothing, staring into the flower field. He imagines for a second that it’s real, that you and him are standing in the ocean of sunflowers, under the summer sky.

That farmhouse could be yours. He can see it, a quiet life there with you two. He’d spend the day writing, you’d spend the day playing the piano and singing with that little fairy voice of yours. 

You’d take a picnic basket down into the field, lay down a little blanket and watch the sunset on the hill. Just the two of you, safe and calm and warm as the sun fades away.

“Keiji?” He’s startled out of his fantasy to see you looking at him, a smile playing at your lips.

“Did you hear me?” “Sorry, what did you say?” “I just said that you’ve been staring at that painting for the past fifteen minutes. I’m starting to get jealous,” you tease.

He smiles at that notion. The painting may be beautiful, but it fades in comparison to you. But then again, so does everything else.

“Let’s get lunch, love. We’ll have to hurry if we want to catch those sharks.” -

This cafe may well be his favorite place on earth. Simply put, it’s where you met. You worked there part time, and he’d stopped by every day after class to get his work done. Once he’d first seen you though, he began to focus on you, rather than his homework.

It took him a month to build up the balls to ask you out. You’d said yes, and your very first date was dinner and a planetarium show. Much more romantic than a movie, you’d said when he asked if it was lame.

And now here you were, about to eat lunch here after being together for two and a half years. There you are, ordering him a Hokkaido bubble tea and red bean toast, the two things you spent weeks writing down his order for. Before he’s even pulled out his wallet, you’ve paid, and he’s barely able to scold you for not letting him pay because you sit him down.

“That painting was really something else, huh?” He nods, gazing into your eyes.

“Don’t stare, you’re making me self-conscious.” “Shush, let me admire my beautiful girlfriend.” Since you’re in public, the most you can do without getting looks is hold hands, which you do even when the bubble teas and pastries are set down in front of you. His thumb gently strokes the band on your finger.

He doesn’t let go of your hand as you walk into the aquarium. He doesn’t let go as you walk past the giant tank, staring at the colorful fish and little crustaceans. He doesn’t let go when you ask the kind older woman to take a picture of you two in the shark’s mouth, and he most certainly doesn’t let go as you gently stroke the bamboo shark’s back in the touch tank.

Neither of you want to leave, but he knows that his friends will be coming over soon and you’ll want to have the cake and stuff ready. So before you leave, he buys you an adorable stuffed shark plush from the gift store.

Once you’re home, you decide to eat a little something so that you won’t be having only cake for dinner. He sets out some leftovers; the braised eggs from yesterday morning, the cucumber salad you made a few days ago to go with the katsu bowls, and he heats up some rice and leftover chicken.

While the love of your life sets out some food, you take the cake you brought over last night out of the fridge and place it out on the table. It’s simple, swirled with purple and blue with macarons on top. You also bought a 23 candle, a little golden one. 

It’s perfect.

You eat quickly, only having a little bit but enough to satisfy your stomach. Before you two know it, there’s a knock at the door.

The only person who’d knock, it’s Tsukishima. He may be a sarcastic little shit, but he’s tolerable compared to the other people coming over tonight.

“Good evening, y/n-san.” “Hey, Tsukki-kun. Come on it, it’s chilly outside.” In a little bit, Kuroo and Kenma show up. Then come Yukie and Kaori, Komi and Konoha, and of course the ace himself.

“HEY HEY HEY! HOW’S THE BIRTHDAY BOY DOIN’?!”

You smile at Yukie and Kaori, shaking your heads at the tall man who’s currently hugging your boyfriend so tightly you think he might burst.

“I’m doing well, Bokuto-san. Would you mind putting me down?” “Sure thing, birthday buddy! n/n been takin’ care of you today?” “I’m sure she has, in quite a few ways,” snickers Kuroo, and Bokuto guffaws as Kenma elbows the rooster-headed asshole.

“Don’t be crude.” scolds Kenma as he scrolls through his phone. You assume that Kuroo made him leave his switch at home.

Two hours into the evening and a bottle of champagne later and the cake is almost gone. Yukie and Bokuto are having an arm wrestling contest on the coffee table with Tsukki as the referee, Kaori is passed out on the couch, Komi and Konoha are giggling like second graders for no reason, and Kenma is crying into Kuroo’s shirt about his village and how he needs to get back to the island, that shit ain’t gonna build itself. Keiji is sitting beside you, his head buried in your shoulder.

“You tired, baby?” He nods, his hand gently rubbing your thigh.

“Okay, I’ll call a cab for these idiots. Sit tight.” You stand to go grab your phone, and before you know it the living room is clear of the eight stooges. Keiji walks up behind you, his face slightly flushed, and wraps his arms around you. You can tell he’s a bit tipsy, but he’s not falling over or anything.

“Baby, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed. I’ll clean up in here.” “I can help, love-” “No. I’ll only be a minute. The birthday boy still has one more gift to open.”

With that, you unlatch him from you and go to clean up the glasses and plates. It was nice to catch up with everybody, especially the girls. There were only ten of you, but it was nice to have company for the first time in a while.

You set the leftover cake into the fridge before going into the bathroom to brush your teeth, and you can feel a pair of eyes on you as you wash up and change into one of his shirts.

“Come here, love.”

“In a second.”

“You’re spending the night, right?”

“Of course, baby. I’m yours for the night.”

“You’re too good to me.” “You’re one to talk, prince charming.” He smiles and takes you into his arms. The kiss he pulls you into is just as dizzying and passionate as all of his kisses, but just a bit more fervent. He’s excited, and so are you. 

He pulls away to take your hand, his favorite place to press gentle kisses to. His lips brush over the little band for what feels like the millionth time today, and you remember the promise that the ring means. So does he, and he can’t wait to replace it with a diamond one.

He kisses you again, and you melt into it. He’s so gentle, impossibly so, but despite the gentleness he’s still trapping you there. But trapped against him as he presses a kiss to your forehead and holds your hand in his isn’t such a bad place to be.

“God, I love you so much,” he whispers into your hair. “Mm, how much?” “To the sunflower fields and back.”

(a/n - the “silver band” is supposed to be a promise ring. I’ve always thought that he’d be the kind of guy who would buy you a promise ring.)

[mileycfan4eva33]

Fandom: One Chicago and SVU

Title: Silence Equals Death

Chapter 1: Dear Diary

P O V: Sylvie Brett

A/N: Boy, I am getting sick of these things. But, I'm too paranoid not to write it down. Here are the usual disclaimers, I do not own any of the One Chicago/Or SVU characters that glory goes to Dick Wolf and NBC. Trigger warning for a sexual assault/ rape towards the end. Whose Point of View would you like chapter two to be in; Kelly's, Matt's, Stella's or Kat's, Or Hailey's? This fic will be told through multiple views and be a joint between PD/ Fire and SVU. Reviews are fires to my soul; please leave one. Thank You.

Gaffney Chicago Medical Center

Dear Diary, today is January 31, 2021; it is 12:56 am; I am in Chicago Med. I have to write this all down before it becomes a twisted blur of fragmented memories. Tonight was a nightmare, and a dream all rolled into one. Sitting here now on this cold steel trap of a bed, I am in disbelief that any of this happened, but it did, and it shouldn't have; if I had been smarter, more robust, less drunk, none of this would have happened. I only have myself to blame. It all started so innocently.

Now everything is such a mess; how did this happen? I am not a lovesick teenager, and I shouldn't be making these types of mistakes. If only I could turn back time and not get so damn drunk, but I can't, so here it is, the sick truth of what will surely end my career. The authentic story as only someone who lived it can ever tell it. No Disney fair-tales here, just honest raw truths, every word you will read is what happened to the best of my recollection someday I will gone, and I want my truth out there, so no woman ever has to bear witness to the pain of being raped, and thrown away as if she is the villain.

I am not the villain, but can I say I was a victim?

Sofitel Chicago Magnificent Mile

20 E Chestnut St, Chicago, IL 60611

January 30th 2021 9:35 pm

"My money's on you finding exactly what you want."

Matthew Casey's rugged, sexy voice purrs in my ear. I can't remember when he said that or why the hell he said it; my mind is toasted with the large amount of alcohol I have poured into my body. I can remember what he said after, though, because it's what I deserve. Matt had no idea back then that all I wanted was for him to say he loved me, to tell me I am beautiful. To reassure me that these butterflies I have been feeling forever are not just in my stomach, not only carrying my heart away, but they are in his as well.

He didn't, not then and never since it's been at least two years since he said those words to me. Two years since I felt a brief flutter inside my heart telling me that my feelings for Matt had changed from friendship to something a little less platonic. "God, there ain't enough alcohol inside this damn hotel to take my memory away from this pain."

"I hear ya' sis." Stella Kidd motions for the bartender to bring us two more rounds as she settles against the counter inches away from me, her elbows propping her up. "You look flushed, Brett. Are you feeling okay?" Stella's gorgeous brown eyes are wide in concern as she glances at my body my cheeks are burning, I can feel the heat descending from my head to my face making me sway in dizziness a little as I try to remember how to breathe. Funny how a normal body function can sometimes take so much damn effort it hurts. I need a minute to do nothing, not to feel, think, talk, react or breathe, but of course, I can't have that minute, not with Stella on the case. "Yeah, girl, why wouldn't I be okay?" I fake a laugh, which I don't think fools her even for a second.

"Uh, I am so over these damn things Sylvie, I thought with COVID we would escape this bullshit this year." Stella slides down my shot glass to me as she tilts her head back and chugs her shot of whiskey with one gulp. "Yeah, I would have thought so too; nothing I hate more than a bunch of grown-ass corporate men in suits pretending to give two craps about us little people."

"Amen, sister." Stella clicks her empty glass against mine before I tilt my head back and swallow the rush of warmth that leaves me dizzier; maybe I shouldn't have skipped two meals today before coming here after having no food yesterday. "So what's up with you and Kelly?" I turn my head to my right to catch Stella's eyes, glued to her boyfriend Kelly Severide, chatting with District Chief Steve Walker. Fire Commissioner Carl Grissom and the Deputy Director of Finance Gail McLeod. "Kelly's looking dapper Stella; I think someone is going to get lucky tonight." I hold my hand up to signal the bartender for another round; he fills our glasses quickly, much to my pleasure. "Yeah, from your lips to Kelly's ears, please, he's barely touched me ever since he found out that some people may take offense to me being promoted because we're together."

"Aw, man, I'm sorry he's probably just worried Stella, he loves you Kelly doesn't want to be the reason you fail because we all know you deserve this promotion. At least he cares enough to say the words out loud." I swallow the shot feeling my eyes burn badly as tears filter out. "Aw man, this shit is strong. Phew!" shaking my body out, I signal for another, hearing Stella laugh. "Still regretting telling Matt how you feel?"

I pause for a moment before I answer; how should I respond? Do I regret telling Matt how I feel? "Hey bitches." I'm saved from answering as Leslie Shay comes stumbling over, wrapping her arm over my shoulder and squeezing between us, holding her phone up with her left hand. "Smile bitches." Stella and I hold our full shot glasses up. I love this bartender; he is on his game tonight; we smile and lean into Shay, who is reeking of Tequila. "Give me some love, sugar babes." Yeah, she is drunk, sugar babes? Where did she even come up with that one? We smile brighter even though neither one of us feel happy at this moment; her eyes are on Kelly, who isn't even looking our way, and I lock my eyes on Matt, who is dancing with some woman I have never seen in my life.

The woman is drop-dead gorgeous though five-foot-nine inches is my guess she appears to be Lebanese or Latino with long caramel hair flowing down her back past her waist the silk wrap dress she is wearing clings to every unique curve on her flawless body. Matt's arms are wrapped around her waist he's dancing close with her, my heart races so fast I feel the room sway. "Love is a journey, Sylvie, don't give up yet. I know this moment sucks. I get it hurts worse than anything you've ever experienced. When it gets too heavy, when it feels like the weight of this pain is crushing you, remember the pleasant moments, the breathless enthusiastic moments. Matt's alive, and so are you as long as you live, there is hope."

I wish I could smile at Shay as a thank you, but I can't muster the strength even to attempt a smile. Seeing Matt dancing with this woman is killing me slowly; who is she? Where did they meet? Why did he choose tonight to bring her on a date? Knowing I would be at this stupid First Responders training shit, is he trying to make me jealous?

"Your Casey is out there, Sylvie, but you don't have to change who you are to find him." Gabby's words from five years ago come back to me; she did not know just how right she was when she said them to me; hell, I didn't even know back then that the man who I would want to be by my side forever, the man who I would spend countless sleepless nights crying my heart out over was her Casey. Talk to God, Sylvie, get your head straight; this is crazy pinning over a man you pushed away yourself.

Sometimes I feel so cold the way steel must feel left outside to fend for itself against the weather elements. Some days I feel broken, I forget what living is for, I forget how to breathe or even why I should keep living. Today is one of those nights; seeing Matt with this woman is breaking me; I can feel every string of my heart aching, pulling, and twisting as it stretches my entire inside into a giant trampoline my stomach turns and painfully contracts reminding me.

I am alive

Every ache and every pain reminds me I am breathing, but why I can't seem to grasp it. I'm not suicidal, but I'm finding it hard to find a reason to keep my head up when my brain is screaming at me to run away, to bury myself in Tequila and cuddle under the covers till all of the daylight fades away into a blur of a drunken haze.

"Another shot, bartender."

"Name is Josh." I turn away, not caring, seeing only Matt as he lifts his finger to wipe out a stray hair off the woman's face. I can barely breathe every effort is a raspy painful burn that leaves me gasping, trying to fight off this fresh wave of tears. "Close your eyes, Sylvie, and fucking hold it together for a few more minutes; for God's sake, don't let the man see you cry."

Shay slips her arm around my back under my armpits, quickly leading me out of the ballroom where the music is playing louder than what you would expect at a training seminar. "Remember what I said to picture the pleasant moments." "I can't, Shay..I... can't breathe." "Shh, hey, it's okay. I got you." Shay gently settles me onto a couch inside the ladies' room, handing me a cold bottle of water, which she's already taken a few sips out. Still, she lifts to my lips before I can stop her; the cool liquid splashes over my chin, dripping down what gets inside my mouth is refreshing and helps cool me off, allowing me to breathe easier. Leaning back against the wall, I close my eyes, trying to regain some gravity; my knees are trembling, leaving me feeling as if I will collapse if I try to stand.

I want to kick myself for falling so hard for a damn guy who I knew would never love me back. I knew I shouldn't have pushed Matt, yet I ignored every one of my instincts and went full sped ahead. God, I will remember that day forever- I had been avoiding Matt for days ever since the accident. Mainly because I had my suspicions that Matt hadn't just been lucky in getting to me so quickly, part of me hoped and yes, as vain as it sounds prayed that Matt had raced to me, that the thought of me being in peril had somehow overcome Matt's heart running his blood in fear.

I told myself I was crazy even to think such stupid school girl thoughts. Matt is our captain; it made perfect sense he would be worried about Gianna and me; we're part of his team, nothing more. The job of the captain is to make sure all of his team comes home safe at the end of every shift; Matt's lost too many people in his days, he fears losing anyone, so of course, the entire team raced to us when they heard 61 was in an accident.

I had myself convinced Matt came to me out of loyalty out of duty, not because he was in love with me, I am stupid for even thinking for one mil-la-second that Matthew Casey would ever love me as anything except a friend. I was doing so damn well, too, until Blake Gallo blew up all my rationalization with his account of how Matt jumped out of a moving truck to get to me. Me, not myself and Gianna but only me. Brett, I have to get to Brett, that's what Gallo recalled Matt saying.

Shattered

Read more and please leave a review at https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13807832/1/Silence-Equals-Death

[braveskyered]

Knights (Part 18)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

(Special Thanks once again to @nebulous-rain​ for providing one of the illustrations. Please check her out if you have the time!)

-

As much as one would hate for this to be repeated, please be aware that there may be some topics from here on out that you as a reader will find uncomfortable. Elaborating what they are in the beginning will be considered spoilers.

Do remember that this story is a work of fiction. Any similarities between characters or events to persons - living or dead - in our real world are purely coincidental.

Only those that have understood and thus agreed to the above have the privilege of continuing to read Knights to the very end with a clear head.

Do you understand what you are getting yourself into?

Yes ←

No

Your goal is to remain strong in the times you are weak, and to keep on fighting even when you are down.

Because if you don’t…

What exactly are you fighting for in the long run?

-

Part 18: And When You Least Expect It...

- - - - - - -

Arthur quietly tucked Vivian into bed for her mid-afternoon nap. So many thoughts, memories, and emotions flood through his mind that he doesn’t really know where to start processing it all.

He isn’t really sure what Elaine was thinking when she had him go ahead to the hotel with the children while she remained behind at a nearby café just a few blocks away to talk to Mr. Pepper. Elaine knew that Arthur didn’t want anyone to know which hotel he stayed in, even though it wouldn’t take a genius to figure that out with how few campers are actually in the town itself.

“Dad.”

Arthur turned away from Vivian to see Gwen and Percy looking concerned.

“Hah… I’m all right, Percy,” he sighed as he sat down on the opposite bed, “I’m just tired.”

“That man we met right before,” Gwen jabbed a thumb at the door, “Who is he?”

He let out a breath of resignation, knowing that his family will find sooner or later, “Joe Pepper. He and his wife are both owners and chefs of the Pepper Paradiso.”

“Pepper? Wait, are both Belle Pepper and her sister related to him?” Percy asked.

Arthur shrugged as he stated the obvious, “He’s their father, so yes.”

The twins looked at each other briefly before Gwen piped up, “Do you have any idea as to how he lost his arm?”

As much as Arthur knew that he doesn’t have any right to meddle in the Pepper family affairs, that is one question that puzzled him, “No, he still had both arms when I left, so whatever happened occurred sometime in the seventeen years I was gone.”

“What about his… breakdown earlier?” Percy asked uneasily, “First Belle, then Cayenne, and now their father… Just what the heck did they do to you that made them regret it so badly?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Arthur shook his head before smiling at his son and daughter, “But we shouldn’t be talking about this. I made it a point to not interact with them anymore if I can help it, not after everything that happened because of me.”

“Because of… you?”

He shouldn’t have said that. He knew that he shouldn’t have said that. He cursed at his slip of the tongue at telling his family everything about what happened so long ago. But at the same time, he knew that he couldn’t hide it from them forever.

So what is he to do?

He let out a brief laugh that sounded like a sob, but thankfully he did not shed tears.

“Hah… So many things went wrong that day, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it because I was so weak,” he disguised his distress by letting out a sad chuckle and tried to smile to his family, “Even now, even though I’m your father, I can’t do anything to help you all stay safe like your mother and nana had done yesterday.”

“That’s not your fault, Daddy!”

To Arthur’s surprise, Gwen grabbed his hand with both of hers.

“We all know you want us to be safe,” Gwen said, “Why do you think you’ve always been our navigator whenever we go on real jobs as a family? And for as long as we can remember, you’ve always been there for us. Whenever we were sad, or sick, or even just lonely, you were there. You did protect us, Daddy. You protected us just by being there for us. You even taught us so many things Mom wouldn’t have been able to teach us.”

“You gave us the brains,” Percy nodded with a bright grin as he pumped a fist, “Mom gave us the brawn. I’d say that’s a good combination.”

Arthur let out a brief laugh before standing up to embrace them.

“Thank you. Really.”

Gwen and Percy returned the favor as they wrapped their arms around him. For a brief moment, it was just a father holding his two oldest children--

“Daddy! No fair!”

--close. Arthur turned his head to chuckle at Vivian looking envious with a funny-looking scowl and pout. Shaking his head slightly in amusement, he brought one hand out to his youngest daughter to invite her in the circle, which she immediately took.

Gwen, Percy, and Vivian. The three children that became his only reasons for living, that he loved with all his heart, and the ones that he wanted to protect above all else.

He won’t let anyone hurt them.

…

“Hey, Daddy? Do you really not know what happened?”

Arthur tensed upon hearing Gwen ask that question before releasing the children from his hold. He looked out the window of their hotel room, suddenly finding interest in the few clouds that were floating in the sky.

What is he to tell them? Why is he holding back? He thinks he knows why, but he can’t comprehend it, he can’t understand it. It just doesn’t make any sense. It goes against everything he knows, against everything he learned.

“Daddy?”

Arthur sighed deeply. All he know is that everything that went wrong… was all my fault.

“Dad, we just told you that none of this is your fault.”

He gave his son a confused glance before realizing that he had said some of his thoughts out loud. With a furrowed brow, Arthur struggled to understand it all, he just couldn’t.

“Daddy?”

Arthur looked down at Vivian before pulling her into his lap. Right at that moment, he felt his phone vibrating continuously. After making sure Vivian is safe in his hold, he took his phone out from his pocket and looked at the screen to see who was calling. He quickly answered it, “Elaine?”

“Hey, Arthur. How are you holding up? Are you and the kids okay?”

“We’re fine,” he nodded, “We’re just waiting for you to come back when… you’re done.”

Elaine was silent for a moment, then spoke before Arthur could prompt her, “Actually, I was hoping if you could come down to where I am.”

He went stiff and barely registered Vivian clinging to him.

“I spoke with Mr. Pepper and...” Elaine sounded hesitant, “He told me about what happened before you left,” she then started to sound a little upset, “He said that he and his family want to apologize for what they had put you through. In person.”

“They don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“What? My knight, they said that during their youngest daughter’s birthday, you—”

“Elaine, they didn’t do anything wrong,” Arthur said firmly, “It was something I deserved since it was because of me their son died. Mr. Pepper knows as well as I do that everything that had happened back then was, and still is, my fault. I bet they were in a better state ever since I left their lives.”

The phone went silent for a moment before Elaine spoke again, “Are you sure that’s the case, Arthur? Because Mr. Pepper was telling me that ever since you left, things in this town had actually gotten worse. Way worse.”

“Everyone has a hard time every now and then, Elaine. We went through such, too.”

“Well, yes, that’s true. But I don’t think our hard times were caused by a curse.”

What?

Is this the excuse everyone in Tempo is using now? A feeling of dread and disgust started to bubble in his throat, and it took a few swallows to keep the feeling of bile threatening to rush down.

After everything went wrong so long ago, after Lewis was killed, after the Mystery Skulls found the wraith and took that home, all Arthur did after leaving Tempo was sending his uncle letters. All the letters contained were just simple messages such as “How are you,” “I’m doing okay,” some small talk, and would typically end with a “don’t try to look for me.”

The only thing Arthur ever cursed about is his own being, for being so weak, being so pathetic, and being a failure as a human being. If it hadn’t been for the love and kindness he had received from Elaine and her family, he didn’t doubt that he would’ve ended up in a worse place than where he was before, if not dead by the time Galahad had passed.

“A curse, Elaine?” Arthur couldn’t help but scoff at the remark, “The only curse I know of is the fact that I’m in this town. I shouldn’t have come back.”

“No, Arthur, I’m serious. This town has been afflicted with a strange curse not long after you left.”

Now this is just getting ridiculous. Arthur knows more than anyone to not doubt about curses, but this? …It’s just ridiculous, as redundant as that sounds, even to him.

“Even so, I think we really need to talk this over with the Pepper family,” Elaine said with determination, “I will be with you during the discussion while Nana Niniane keeps an eye on the kids. It’ll just be us, Mr. Pepper, and his wife. His daughters Belle and Cayenne won’t take part in the conversation. Belle’s still with your uncle at Kingsmen Mechanics where Aunt Morgan is keeping an eye on things, and Cayenne is still in the hospital on watch.”

“And Paprika?”

“Who?”

“The youngest daughter.”

There was a brief silence on the other line before Arthur got an answer, “He says that she’s recently taken over as the head chef of the Pepper Paradiso, so even though she’s also at the restaurant, she’ll probably be too busy to talk to us.”

A chill went through his spine.

“You’re at the Pepper Paradiso, aren’t you,” Arthur didn’t ask his question, he expected it.

“I am,” Elaine said, “My knight, I know that you’re at your limit, and I know that you never wanted to do this. I know you have suffered so much and gone through so much misery, so much more compared to what anyone would have gone through in their entire lifetime. I know you don’t want to talk to anyone from the Pepper family because you’ve said that you’re ‘not allowed to.’”

So she is aware of the rules, or some of them at least. Despite this, Arthur knew where this was going as he stared off into the distance. She’s going to try to convince him to talk to them anyway as to break the rules.

“But I think I have a solution to get around this.”

Without turning his head, Arthur slowly shifted his gaze to his phone.

“What is it?”

When Arthur heard Elaine’s suggestion, he decided to give it some thought, and finally smiled for the first time since the conversation started.

Even now, his beloved light has always been thoughtful for him.

- - - - - - -

A few more turns of the wrench were needed to finish the job. Satisfied that the nuts and bolts were in place and tightened enough, Arthur slid out from beneath the sedan and sat up.

It was a typical day with Arthur working in his uncle’s repair shop. The truck had its flex pipe snapped into two pieces, causing the engine to emit the original loud sounds that would be muffled so it wouldn’t be a nuisance for a typical owner. All Arthur needed to do now was to start the car’s engine to see if it’s back to its relatively quiet state. If it is, then the job is officially done.

The paperwork wasn’t too difficult. All Arthur had to do was record what he was doing, what parts he used, and what process he was using to get the work done. He had to remove the broken flex pipe, grab a suitable replacement from the junkyard behind the shop, cut the pipes to make sure the replacement would fit into the original, weld them together, then assemble the repaired flex pipe back in.

“Arthur, are you in here?”

Arthur smiled. He could recognize that voice anywhere in an instant.

“Lewis? Yeah, I’m here, just give me a sec.”

Within the next few minutes, Arthur came to a good stopping point and cleaned up the oil stains from his hands. Hearing the familiar footsteps, Arthur looked up and saw Lewis grinning.

“Hey,” he greeted before noticing something in Lewis’s possession, “What’s with the box?”

“Sorry, Arthur, I know this seems sudden since you’re still working, but I need you to help me with this,” Lewis held out the medium sized package out to him a bit. From the looks of it, it had arrived in the mail for him not too long ago.

“I can try. Is it something you need help assembling?”

“Oh, no no, not that,” Lewis chuckled, “I just need you to hold on to this until it’s closer to Christmas.”

“Until Christmas?” Arthur blinked in surprise, “But that’s not until the next three to four months. You went Christmas shopping already?”

“Sort of. It’s for Paprika,” Lewis said, “She happened to see an advertisement on TV about this toy rabbit she really wanted, and I saw her asking Mom and Dad about it. Problem is, the toy’s a limited edition and it was quite the hot seller, if you know what I’m saying. I somehow managed to get the last one before it was sold out.”

“Oh…” Arthur slowly made a nod, understanding where Lewis is getting at. Trying to get a toy for a child that’s high in demand but low in supply is never fun, especially if one considers some other people would try to buy them and then sell it online at a much higher price. If that’s the case, Lewis was indeed very, very lucky to get his hands on it.

“Normally, I would just hide it somewhere in my house, but lately the girls have been getting all over everything, even in my own closet whenever they play hide-and-seek,” Lewis gestured his head to the exit, “We haven’t officially started the Christmas shopping yet, but I wanted to make sure that this one is kept safe from their little misadventures.”

Arthur couldn’t help but smirk at that, “And you knew that the girls would never look in a dirty mechanic’s shop, huh?”

“Haha! Yep.”

Arthur couldn’t help but widen his smirk at Lewis’s “devious” plan of hiding things, especially since this isn’t the first time Lewis has done this.

“But yeah, sure, I’ll hold on to it for you. When do you need it back?”

- - - - - - -

“T-Thank you.”

Elaine had asked him to remain seated at a nearby table. With Arthur sitting in one booth with Elaine and Mr. Pepper sitting in the second behind it, Elaine had positioned herself so that she would be sitting right behind Arthur despite having their backs turned to each other in a sense. With the raised barriers between the booths, the Peppers can’t see him, and he can’t see them in turn. He isn’t sure about whether they know he’s here or not, but he’d like to think it was the former.

The solution Elaine had come up with as a workaround is that Arthur would “accidentally eavesdrop” on her conversation with Lewis’s parents, Joe and Lokia Pepper. During any questions that needed Arthur’s input or if he needed to ask something without the Peppers knowing, he would just text it to Elaine and let her handle the rest.

When Arthur briefly saw Mr. and Mrs. Pepper together while they were distracted by Elaine, he couldn’t believe just how… defeated they looked. Seeing Mr. Pepper lacking his right arm did raise some concern, but upon seeing Mrs. Pepper’s state…

…he isn’t sure who had it worse.

The burn scars around Mrs. Pepper’s face and part of her scalp were… Arthur wasn’t sure how to describe them. From the way the burns looked on her face, it’s highly likely that a good portion of her body had been burnt, too.

One thing’s for sure in Arthur’s mind. The burn scars he has pale in comparison to Mrs. Pepper’s.

“I-I know that we’re pushing against your boundaries, but we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for hearing us out.”

Arthur wanted to cover his ears and run but he couldn’t. Somehow, Elaine is able to tell whenever he does, and thus send him a text of a star icon next to a moon icon, as a way to tell him that she is there for him, or she would leave some encouraging words for him to cling onto.

“So… You’re Arthur’s wife?” Mr. Pepper asked, and after a moment of what seemed to be him seeing Elaine nod, he added, “How long have you two been married?”

“We’ve actually just reached the fifteen-year mark,” Elaine answered, “But we’re not here to talk about our love life. We’re here to talk about Arthur.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“I’m not sure if anyone told you of this recently, or if either of you hadn’t picked up on it now, but Arthur physically cannot be near you for very long, if at all. When you, and previously, your daughters, made the foolish move to approach him without caring about his boundaries like you had done earlier, he would try to run. He told me that whenever he was near any of you, he would get burned. Literally. He still has the scars to prove it.”

She’s not pulling any punches. Arthur notes as he leaned his head against the back of the booth. As he kept his phone on hand, he was tempted to look through the family album again just to look at photos of the kids. In the end, he held off. Elaine has asked him to listen in carefully, and he agreed to do so.

“I… I didn’t think that he’d be—"

“I cannot tell you just how often he said about how he’s not allowed to speak to any of you because it was ‘all his fault’ and that ‘sorry isn’t good enough.’”

“Well… we--"

“So I will make this very clear to you. Arthur has no intention of talking to you and your daughters whatsoever. When he ate the food that was made in this restaurant that one of your daughters had brought to Kingsmen Mechanics for lunch with us yesterday and realized it was from here, he thought he was being poisoned ‘again.’ You do realize that food tampering is a rather serious crime among you chefs. But alas, the statute of limitations exist for a reason.”

“What? What are you talking about? Poiso--?"

“Arthur made it clear to me that he only intended to just visit and reconnect with his only family here, and his uncle made the lovely choice of bringing two of your daughters to visit us yesterday without telling us. Not a smart move if you ask me.”

Another silence.

“When I had spoken to the Yukino family, I heard something very interesting from the old lady, Mr. Yukino’s mother, during her tirade. So let me ask you this. Seventeen years ago…”

The sound of a hand slamming somewhat against the table is heard. Elaine’s voice is slow, icy cold, and piercing to the ears.

“What. Did. You. Do? What was it that you did that drove him out of this town?”

Arthur huddled closer to himself. He can tell that Elaine is beginning to get the wrong idea, but he knew better than to correct her now.

The Peppers hadn’t done anything wrong and had every right to blame him for everything that went wrong that day. Their beloved son is dead, and as a consequence, their family has been torn apart. The three little girls from so long ago had lost their loving big brother, their mentor that had given them so much love and affection, and thus were never the same since upon learning his fate. Arthur knew that he deserved their hatred, even though it had hurt so much.

 “You won’t let us apologize until we tell you, is that right?” Mrs. Pepper is speaking now, her voice sounding raspy.

“Considering that I actually know Arthur’s boundaries unlike some people, then you are correct,” Elaine said with a sharp tone, “Tell me everything. Do not leave even a single detail behind.”

Arthur closed his eyes.

…No one will ever understand.

- - - - - - -

Days like these were precious. He has to be careful, though.

Whenever it was time to work at Kingsmen Mechanics, Arthur could only feel relief from the pain, even if only for a moment. He learned not to show it in front of anyone, though, because if the wraith were to catch wind of it, then the punishments he is to receive when returning would be worse. A murderer does not deserve to feel relief.

When floating around, it tends to cause power shortages and make various electronics go on the fritz beyond repair whenever it’s in a certain negative mood, which happens frequently when Vivi isn’t around. After it may or may not have accidentally destroyed the computer on one of the cars that was being repaired for a customer, Lance had forbidden the wraith from entering the repair shop ever since.

As a result, whenever Arthur had to work at Kingsmen Mechanics, Arthur was finally able to relax for the first time in days.

Lance is always happy to see his nephew, especially after Arthur no longer declined to eat meals with him. When Arthur ate a simple dinner of mashed potatoes, a thin steak, and some green beans with Lance, he didn’t have the heart to tell his uncle that he has not eaten a proper meal in over three days, and his meager supply of water that he kept hidden beneath his bed in the wraith’s mansion was running out.

His uncle would ask how things were going between him, Lewis, and Vivi, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to talk about Lewis. The wraith hated it whenever he said something, and his uncle’s shotgun would make things worse more often than not. Regardless, having his uncle has been a blessing. Whenever he isn’t being punished, beaten, or belittled by the wraith, Arthur could work alongside his uncle and recover enough to take on the well-deserved punishments once again.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Arthur smiled at his uncle as they worked in the shop.

Beneath that smile is a young and vulnerable man, crying in pain. He wanted to scream, to be free of the suffering, he wanted to die.

But he couldn’t.

If he told his uncle what was really happening, the older man would just take a shotgun full of lead or purification salt and fire it on the wraith. If the wraith were to disappear, Vivi’s happiness would be shattered all over again. Vivi also wanted Arthur to be with her, and he had no choice but to comply when she cried that she couldn’t bear to lose either of her precious boys.

In a way, she has already--

“Oh…! Darn it…”

At the Kingsmen residence, while cleaning out the closet located in his bedroom, Arthur accidentally knocked over a somewhat large box and knelt down to pick it up. He felt confused upon noticing a label he didn’t recognize, but then he took the time to read it.

Lewis Pepper

108 Scoville Street

Tempo, TX 28185

Why is there a package for Lewis in his closet? Upon looking at who sent it, Arthur did a quick search of the name and found that it was sent from a well-known toy company— He checked his phone and cursed to himself that he had forgotten to keep his promise to Lewis.

Christmas had already passed; it’s now late April. Paprika never got the present Lewis had gotten her for Christmas, and Arthur knew that it was all his fault. He didn’t know how he would ever be able to make up for this until he soon realized… that Paprika was born at around this time, and it was then Arthur realized that her birthday is…

“It’s in three days,” Arthur muttered and looked down at the package again.

He knew that he had no right to approach the Pepper family. At the same time, he isn’t sure if handing the present to the wraith to deliver it to them will work out, either. For all he knows, the wraith would just destroy the special toy inside with hardly a glance, and Arthur knew that he couldn’t let that happen. Lewis wanted Paprika to have this, and Arthur swore to himself that he will see to it that she gets it.

It’s what Lewis would’ve wanted.

Wrapping it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle, but Lance almost never kept any wrapping paper in his home. When it comes to gift wrapping, Arthur’s uncle usually preferred to leave his presents in gift bags. With that thought in mind, Arthur went to a storage closet down the hallway and did some digging. Miraculously, he was able to find a paper bag large enough to fit the package inside.

It’s only fitting that a used Pepper Paradiso takeout bag will do the job.

Smiling to himself, Arthur stuffed a few old newspapers into it before setting it aside. He’ll have to return to the wraith’s home tomorrow, but he knew how to hide things from the wraith for a little while. It’s risky, but it will be worth it. He didn’t doubt that this will make little Paprika happy. Or cheer her up a little at the very least.

It’s the least he could do to fulfill Lewis’s last request.

…

“Why did it have to be our son?!”

“…’m sorry.”

The force made his head snap to the right.

He expected this to happen, but he couldn’t admit at just how much this hurt.

He looked at Mrs. Pepper, her hand still raised even after slapping him. Mr. Pepper is seething with anger alongside her.

“What. Are you doing?” She glared at him with anger and disgust, a far cry from her usual expression of caring watchfulness.

“I…” Arthur looked down at the gift bag containing Lewis’s present at Mr. Pepper’s feet, “Lewis asked me to—”

“It was you that--!” Mrs. Pepper closed in on him, “You think you can try hurting us again?!”

Something cracked in his heart, “N-No, I-I was just—”

“Why couldn’t it have been you?!”

Arthur wondered that himself. All he could is apologize, even though it meant nothing to-- Something hard hit against the back of his head.

A soft thump is felt near his feet. Looking down, Arthur could see that it was a small stone.

He then looked in the direction it was thrown from and saw Belle glaring at him, holding another stone in her hand. Cayenne is behind her older sister, also glaring at him with a snarl shown with her teeth. She’s holding a box small enough to wrap her fingers around.

But the youngest sister is still missing.

Arthur knew that he has to hold his ground. Even if it’s against Mr. Pepper. Lewis wanted Paprika to have the toy sealed in the package. He didn’t survive long enough to give it to her, so he has to do it for him. If he could just show them the label containing Lewis’s name…

Arthur looked up upon noticing some movement leading upstairs. As feeling of relief entered his being, he started to kneel down to pick up the bag—

The feeling of his neck being strangled startled him before realizing that Mrs. Pepper had dragged him by the collar of his shirt before being thrown against the door. A loud sound went off right next to him, and he saw that it was the other rock Belle had upon hearing her mutter something about missing her target.

“You’re never to approach our children again,” Mr. Pepper said with fury, “You’re never to approach us.”

“I only—"

“Mama? Papa?”

The sound of Paprika’s voice. Without a moment to lose, Arthur grabbed the bag near Mr. Pepper’s feet and held it out to her.

But Paprika only cried.

When Mr. Pepper snatched the bag out of Arthur’s hands and stomped on it, the rest of it was just a blur. He could barely register Mrs. Pepper forcing him out of the Pepper home and onto the concrete entrance, throwing his shoes at him, before only looking up in numbness upon seeing the door slam to his face.

It took a moment for the realization to reach him. All Arthur could do is try his hardest not to cry.

He didn’t know if there was a better way for it to play out.

With a heavy heart full of despair, Arthur slowly got up to put on his shoes and hissed in pain upon feeling something stab his feet. Confused at the sight of some blood on his foot that dripped down onto the concrete, he shook one of his shoes and saw a few shiny little things fall out. He shook out the other shoe and saw the exact same thing.

Flat head tacks.

…Cayenne never went that far.

Knowing that he had failed to fulfill Lewis’s final request. Arthur put on his now tack-free shoes, hoping his socks would stop the bleeding. He slowly gathered the tacks and placed them in a fine pile on a spot on the ground where people are least likely to step on them, before finally leaving the Pepper home.

He knew he wasn’t allowed to see them, but it was to protect that present Lewis had asked him to hold on to, but he couldn’t have ever predicted that his parents would have sought to destroy it like the wraith would.

He won’t disobey the rules for any reason anymore. Not even for Lewis.

Later that night, Arthur returned to the ghostly mansion, the one he had been forced to stay in ever since Vivi fell for it. He knew that he couldn’t do anything else after this before the wraith returned.

Sure enough, the wraith wasn’t happy upon learning what Arthur tried to do. He could tell upon feeling the wraith’s large and strong fingers wrap painfully around his shoulders.

No matter what he did to atone, it just wasn’t enough.

You just don’t know your place, do you?

Arthur doesn't know why he’s even trying to plead with the wraith anymore. It’s useless, yet he still begged the wraith to not burn him in front of them. But who are they? They’re not nearby.

Do I need to remind you of your place… again?

He already knew. He didn’t need a reminder.

You are never to approach my family again.

It hurts… The wraith wouldn’t let go of his right forearm. It always knew that it hurts when roughly grabbed there.

For all I know, you could be biding your time to kill them, too.

“No, I would never do that!”

You think I believe you?

This time, it hurt even more upon feeling something crack.

He isn’t sure which is more painful, the possible fracture in his arm or the realization that he couldn’t convince anyone of anything anymore.

…

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

And Arthur knew he deserved it.

It was his arm that did the killing, after all.

- - - - - - -

Elaine is angry. She shouldn’t be.

“I’m well aware that it was a demon that killed your son and that it had used Arthur to do it.”

“Well, yes, but back then, we—”

“But because the demon had disappeared, you needed to blame something, or someone.”

A long silence.

“Frankly, you disgust me. Knowing Arthur, he wouldn’t ever wish for harm to befall on any of you, let alone on his greatest enemy. If you really were as close to him as you said you were back then, then you never would’ve done that,” a huff of anger, “But you know the phrase, ‘You reap what you sow.’

“After everything he did for you, you thought the best way of paying him back for his kindness was to spit at his face and stomp it down,” Elaine scoffed, “If I was around when that happened, I would’ve immediately had you both charged with assault. Knowing Arthur, though, he would’ve just begged me to let it go, if not for the sake of your daughters.”

She’s right. Arthur would’ve done exactly that if she was with him when that happened. As far as he knew, the girls didn’t have any other family members that were nearby. Even if there were, he doubted that they would be able to remain together if the Peppers ever lost custody of them.

The Knights family can be scary even without the monster hunting business.

All Arthur contributes to the Knights family is repairing cars and raising the children. Everything else was left to Elaine and the rest of her family, and he would rather keep it that way.

“But I can tell that you’ve already suffered the consequences from that little stunt and then some,” Elaine coldly said, and Arthur knew she wasn’t being genuine with that statement, “So what happened after that?”

“After that, Arthur just suddenly left without a word,” Mr. Pepper sighed, “At first, we thought it was good riddance…”

“But I guess you never knew how important something, or someone, is to you until they are permanently gone. You took Arthur for granted more than you had thought.”

Arthur isn’t sure how to feel about this. He knew that there are people who impulsively make decisions while deep in emotions, but he also knew that the Peppers never regret their actions. They never regretted opening the restaurant operating in the family name, or having three daughters, or taking in an older child with an unknown background as their son. Throwing him away was no exception.

“You’re right. We did take him for granted.”

What?

“After Arthur left, things just went straight to hell.”

Now Arthur is getting more confused. Didn’t Grandma Yukino say something similar? He never really thought too deeply about what happened in Tempo after he had left seventeen years ago. Mr. Yukino also said something about things not being the same ever since Arthur left, but that’s typical of anyone leaving. …Right?

It’s going against everything Arthur has convinced himself of knowing.

“You’re not the first person that has said something very similar. I can’t imagine just how upset Mr. Kingsmen was when he found out that you essentially exiled his nephew out of this town,” Elaine said, “I bet it was even more inconvenient for you, Mr. Pepper, since Arthur is the one to go to for prosthetic limbs. I’m going to bet that your arm was lost as a consequence of this whole fiasco.”

Arthur winced. A sigh is heard.

“You’re absolutely right, Mrs. Knights.”

…

Did Arthur hear Mr. Pepper right?

“Really,” Elaine didn’t sound convinced, and quickly changed the subject, “Before we delve further into that, there is one more matter that needs to be discussed. Your daughter, Cayenne.”

“What,” Mrs. Pepper sounds nervous, “What about her?”

“I fail to see what the loss of her son last month has anything to do with Arthur. After all, you know as well as I do that we were nowhere near you at that time. While I’m sorry that it happened, I am not going to let you blame my husband for your grandson’s passing, nor your daughter’s mental illness that most likely came as a result of it.”

“No! No! You’re misunderstanding, Mrs. Knights!” Mr. Pepper sounded like he was pleading, “We know it was just unfortunate and that there’s no one to blame. It just… happened. We just…” A hitching sigh, “We just want to apologize. To apologize and hope that we can end all this. It’s our fault that we drove him away. It’s our fault that everything has gone so wrong.”

…

Is that what they really think? Arthur narrowed his eyes.

He texted Elaine.

They’re wrong.

The buzz of Elaine’s phone reached Arthur’s ears. He saw on his phone that Elaine had read it.

“What…?”

If it was just that, I would grin and bear it. It’s what I deserved. There is nothing to end.

There was a brief silence. Instead of hearing Elaine ask or text back, he heard the familiar ringtone of her phone.

“Yes? Nana Niniane?” A brief silence, “Yes, we are. I’m with Mr. and Mrs. Pepper. …What? Nana Niniane, you know Arthur isn’t going to like this.”

Another silence.

“…Yeah. Okay. Okay, we’ll do that. I’ll let him know. Just make sure there aren’t any fights by the time we get there.”

Elaine sighed as she hung up.

“All right. I just got a call from my family, and it’s been decided that we’re going to properly discuss this with all the involved parties. No more miscommunications, and no more… funny little stunts.”

“Stunts?”

“We’re heading to Kingsmen Mechanics. You are to meet us there in one hour and we will not take no for an answer.”

Arthur shivered. He wants to run away, but he has no way to take the kids with him. Vivian will follow him without question, but Gwen and Percy are old enough to know something is up. A part of him is wondering why he is even trying to even consider doing such an unthinkable thing.

What is Niniane up to? What did she do? What did she learn?

What does she know?

Something is close to snapping in Arthur’s mind, and he knows it. Gritting his teeth, Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose harder and harder.

Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it—

A hand brushed against his.

“My knight.”

Arthur looked up to Elaine standing next to the booth he is in. He held onto her hand like a lifeline.

It seems Elaine had waited for Mr. and Mrs. Pepper to leave first in order to either prevent them from seeing Arthur, or to keep them from trying to apologize without context on her end. It was then that he knew that Elaine is starting to realize the misunderstanding.

And from what he had gathered, it looks like those he knew in Tempo have also reached a misunderstanding of their own.

Later, they both got inside Lance’s spare car with Elaine in the driver’s seat.

“Arthur.”

He huddled closer to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Elaine.

“I need you to talk to me.”

He opened his mouth, but a heavy weight in his throat kept him from speaking. He couldn’t do anything but tremble.

“In that case, I just need you to nod or shake your head.”

Nod or shake. He could do that. He can try.

“Yukino-san said that it was her son and the Pepper family that drove you away from here. Is that true?”

It’s easy to see how they could be a contributing factor. Regardless, Arthur shook his head without looking at Elaine. He didn’t know what to do if he saw her look disappointed.

“Did you run away from here because you couldn’t handle your abuser anymore?”

Arthur remained still, for he didn’t know what to tell her. If he answered one way, it would be a lie; but if he answered the other way, Elaine would think that he is lying. In the end, he had to be truthful and slowly shook his head.

When Elaine didn’t respond, Arthur risked looking over to her, and saw something that broke his heart.

Why are there tears on Elaine’s face? Why is she crying?

He didn’t know why Elaine decided to embrace him, he just couldn’t understand it. He never lied to her, but he never told her everything that had happened to him in Tempo, either. To him, it didn’t matter why he left. He couldn’t control what the people he knew in Tempo had thought. They wanted him gone, and his reason for leaving just happened to fit into their desires.

“Arthur. I need you to tell me. Please.”

He nuzzled further into her shoulder.

“What was it that had hurt you so much more than the abuse you had gone through?”

Arthur didn’t want to say it. It may seem insignificant, but he knew Elaine would disagree.

“Elaine, I… I couldn’t,” he finally muttered.

She waited for him to continue.

He slowly pulled himself out of her hold and held her hands, “I just couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t what?” Elaine asked.

“I couldn’t stay,” Arthur finally looked her in the eye, “I knew that I would have to tell you eventually, but... The real reason I left Tempo is because I... I couldn't let them have it. I couldn’t let them have the only thing I had left,” he looked down at Elaine’s hands and held them tighter, “I just couldn’t.”

“Have what?”

He placed a hand over the moon pin on his vest and looked away. He couldn't tell her in front of the kids, or anyone really. His heart and soul could only take so much pain.

How does he put this in a way that won't make him break down?

Taking a shaky breath, he reached out to her and touched the old and worn star pin on her jacket, the one that he had given her so long ago.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Elaine said, “What do you mean?”

How else can he get her to understand? He didn’t want to say it out loud. It would break his heart even more if he did.

“I love you,” Arthur’s breath hitched as tears began to shed, “You know that, right?”

Please. Please, understand.

Despite everything going on in the madness and despair, the love of his light and family are all he has now. As long as he has that…

Elaine smiled sadly, slowly wiping away Arthur’s tears with her thumbs until he could calm down.

“It will be okay, my star. It will be okay. I promise.”

For all he knows, this might be the last time he’ll be able to feel her warmth.

- - - - - - -

Arthur really didn’t want to be here. He didn’t like the looks he was getting, especially since he has Vivian in his arms while sitting down on a chair with Elaine and the twins beside him remaining on guard.

Lance had closed down Kingsmen Mechanics for the evening. To Arthur, this meant that he had no opportunities to escape. In the lobby of the repair shop with him were three separate parties. Parties he’d rather not be a part of because of the rules.

Lance and Belle are behind the desk exchanging nervous glances between each other under Morgan’s watchful eye. Whatever Elaine’s aunt had done to scold them, Arthur knew not to question it. Mr. and Mrs. Pepper are sitting on some chairs used by customers that wait for their cars to be repaired.

Arthur took a moment to properly look at Mr. and Mrs. Pepper. Although he had seen it earlier today, he can confirm that Mr. Pepper is indeed missing his right arm. He couldn’t tell if it had been severed just below the shoulder or right at the socket, but in the end it’s irrelevant. He briefly wondered how such an injury could happen, but again, it’s not important for him to know.

The injuries Mrs. Pepper has on the other hand, Arthur isn’t sure if she has it just as bad if not worse compared to her husband’s. Instead of missing any major limbs, Mrs. Pepper has severe burn scars around her face and down her neck. Her right eye looks like it had been melted shut, so it stands to reason that she’s blind in that eye, too. More disturbingly, she also has some burn scars over her hands as well. Was she thrown into a fire or something?

Upon seeing Mr. Pepper make eye contact with him, Arthur quickly turns away, giving Vivian some attention before looking over at his uncle and Belle. Belle looks as healthy as a typical person in their twenties would be, and while Lance has started to show some signs of old age here and there, nothing about him has really changed much.

“We’re waiting for Nana Niniane to arrive,” Morgan broke the silence, “Before anyone says anything, I’m going to make this clear.”

She glared at Lance and the Peppers.

“I don’t know what you did and frankly, I don’t really care. But when Nana Niniane wants answers, she will get answers. So all of you better answer honestly, because trust me, she’s much worse than I am.”

They all nervously glanced at each other. Arthur isn’t really sure how to feel about their reaction. At the same time, though, he knew about Morgan’s talent in using her words instead of physical violence to get the results she wants. Hopefully, her presence will make the Pepper family a little more cooperative. The last thing he wants is for a rock to be thrown at him right now, because he didn’t want any of the stones to hurt Vivian.

Vivian tugged at the collar of Arthur’s vest, and he nuzzled his cheek against her head in response.

“Um…”

Arthur immediately turned to the Peppers and grimaced in disgust. He didn’t like the way they were looking at him or his children. Vivian didn’t seem to care as she just remained focused on him.

“Is,” Mr. Pepper started to speak, then quickly turned to Elaine, “Is she also your daughter? She’s really cute.”

An attempted save. Arthur thought. He isn’t sure whether to commend Mr. Pepper for that or not.

Gwen and Percy looked at each other with uncertainty in their eyes.

“Her name is Vivian. And yes, she is our youngest daughter,” Elaine said as she placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, “In case you’re curious, she’s three. And the twins, Gwen and Percy, are fourteen. But we’re not here to talk about that, are we?”

Arthur looked down to see Vivian staring at Elaine strangely. He figured it was probably because she isn’t used to seeing her mother look or talk so strictly and decided to distract her by whispering to her ear that he loves her. Vivian giggled and hugged him.

“Love you, too, Daddy,” she whispered back, only audible enough for him to hear.

Right as Elaine knelt down to give Vivian some affection, the sound of a bell alerting employees of customers made everyone look to see who came.

Arthur felt chills run down into his spine.

Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see Vivian’s hair bristle at the sight of Vivi and Mystery coming in, with Gwen and Percy at the ready. He couldn’t blame them, especially once he knew that the Mystery Skulls had in fact tried to kill his children as “monsters.” What’s also worrying is that the section of Vivian’s hair that had been cut off by Vivi hasn’t even grown back yet.

The reaction upon seeing Arthur with the children is instantaneous. Vivi looked upset while Mystery’s fur bristled like a scared animal would. Arthur followed their gaze to see that it’s Percy they’re staring a--

“Wait, Vivian!”

At and Percy’s shouts, Vivi and Mystery barely had time to react before dodging Vivian’s hair spearing at their feet with a loud crack. Growling, Mystery started to move forward before suddenly being yanked back by the collar as a light blue aura surrounded Vivi and most of Vivian’s hair, which then got uprooted from the floor.

“Don’t even think about it, mutt.”

Arthur, as he held Vivian closer to himself with Elaine holding an arm in front of them protectively, could only feel relieved upon seeing Niniane with one hand surrounded by magic, then felt confusion when he noticed her holding up a colored rope of some sort with her other hand. Tracing the rope led him to seeing that it’s roped around Mystery’s neck like a leash, which led to a rather unnerving sight of the kitsune turned dog being strangled with little breathing room.

“I thought I told you that you are not to attack my family. Let alone approach them without our explicit permission,” Niniane said in a calm tone, but everyone could tell that she is furious.

“But she started it!” Mystery protested, which turned out to be a mistake as Niniane lifted the rope to bring him closer to her face, causing him to gag.

Is she trying to hang him on purpose? Arthur quietly turned Vivian’s head away from the scene while feeling very unnerved. If not for the fact that he knew what Mystery actually is, he would have immediately considered Niniane’s actions to be animal abuse. Vivi looked like she wanted to help, but judging from her fearful look at Niniane, she had to reconsider.

“And I have told you that I will handle my family and that you and Yukino are not to lay a single finger, or paw, on them,” Niniane then roughly let Mystery back down on the floor, giving him some much needed breath, “I will let this slide just this once, but do it again and I will not hesitate to stay true to my word,” she tapped her foot once to emphasize, “I’m sure the both of you know very well on what I mean.”

The two cracks left on the floor from Vivian’s hair spearing it could very well make whatever potential consequences Niniane has planned for them be sunshine and daisies in comparison.

Niniane then approached Arthur and smiled affectionately at Vivian, “Sorry about that, my sweet moppet. I can see that you were just being a good little girl wanting to protect her daddy. I ask that you do not do anything to them unless your mommy says so, for I will make sure that the bad girl and her mutt behave,” she gently tapped Vivian on the nose, “Could you do that for me? Pretty please?”

Vivian looked up at Arthur, as if wanting to ask if she really has to. “Bad girl,” she said in a voice that showed how scared she really is, pointing at Vivi, who briefly looked offended before switching to a neutral expression in response to Niniane and Elaine’s glare.

Although he has his doubts, Arthur nodded and stroked at her hair, “It’s okay, Vivian. Nana is here, Auntie Morgan is here, Mama is here, and Daddy is here. It’s okay. They won’t hurt you anymore.”

Fortunately, it was enough to convince Vivian as she let her hair return to its normal state. Arthur could hear the twins sign in relief.

“I do apologize for the damage on your floor, Mr. Kingsmen,” Niniane said as she released her magic, “But worry not. I will repair it once we adjourn this meeting. I believe you have seen enough ‘paranormal activity’ for today, have you not?”

“Right…”

Arthur is thankful that Lance and the Peppers wisely decided to keep quiet during the whole ordeal. Come to think of it, do the Peppers know what the Knights family can do? They probably do since they didn’t react as loudly as Lance did. He figured his uncle had filled them in somewhat.

“But before we do that, there’s one more thing that needs to be addressed,” Niniane gave Vivi a nod.

Vivi shifted her gaze to Arthur and Vivian briefly before turning to the exit and opened the door. She made a gesture as if inviting someone, then stepped back to allow a young boy in blue to enter the shop. Arthur recognized him immediately.

“This is my son, Jason,” Vivi has her hands on the boy’s shoulders, “My parents had to take grandma for a doctor’s appointment, so I had to bring him with me.”

“Arthur, with your permission, will it be all right if we leave the boy with Gwen and Percy?” Niniane asked, “I found that Nobuhiro Yukino wasn’t lying about his grandson’s interest in robotics. I have no issues with this since this situation surrounds your generation and not the children’s, but if you do, then I will send him and his mother away for another time. We probably don’t need her for this discussion, after all, just the mutt. It’s your choice.”

Jason kept his gaze down to his feet, not looking at anyone in the eye.

Arthur didn’t know what to do. If it were any other circumstance, he would have allowed it in a heartbeat, since Gwen and Percy would occasionally talk about trying to find like-minded people with an interest in robotics. But because Jason is Vivi’s son, he is a part of the Yukino family, and Arthur isn’t allowed to be near them according to the rules. If the wraith were to find out about the children…

But his whole family is here. Niniane is here, and she has demonstrated very well in that she could keep the Mystery Skulls from trying anything funny. Jason’s just a kid, and if by some chance that he has that strange ice magic like his mother does, then Gwen and Percy can handle him with no issue.

“That… would be fine,” he relented before turning to the twins, “I think you left one of your projects in Lance’s living room. Just stay in there until this is over.”

“What about Vivian?” Gwen asked.

“She’ll stay with us until she calms down a little more,” Elaine said, “And then we’ll bring her to you.”

Seeing Gwen and Percy nod in agreement is a relief. They took a moment to introduce themselves to Jason, which made the boy perk up a little. They seemed to be getting along, but Arthur didn’t get a chance to see any more after they left the lobby through the door leading to Lance’s home.

A minute passed in total silence.

“Now then, I think it’s time we finally have a proper conversation,” Niniane is the first to cut to the chase, her eyes narrowed down at Mystery briefly before showing a look of disgusted disappointment, “I believe we know why we’re here?”

“To apologize,” Mr. Pepper said, “We wanted—”

“Wrong. We’re here for answers, for there seems to be a major…” Niniane gave the leash a quick tug, making Mystery briefly struggle for breath, “Misunderstanding.”

Why does it matter? Regardless of the reason, Arthur knew he had to leave. It’s what they wanted. Still, it was wise for the Gwen and Percy to be out of sight and out of hearing range. He isn’t sure about having Vivian with him still, but if he just left her with her siblings, she would just teleport or run her way back to him whenever she felt like it.

So he just has to stay calm. Stay calm… for Vivian’s sake.

“Seeing that Arthur is in no condition to actually tell us why he left this drab town, I think it would be most adequate if we simply discuss what we have learned,” Niniane said as she twirled the rope that is Mystery’s leash around her fingers, “I shall start since my investigation has given me some rather… inconsistent answers.”

Stay calm… for her sake.

Niniane spoke about how it all started seventeen years ago. Where Arthur was maimed and traumatized, where Lewis died, and Vivi lost her memory of the former. How Arthur searched and searched for Lewis, not knowing he was dead. How Vivi and Mystery had followed him to help with the search, how they soon came across a haunted mansion.

Stay calm… for her sake…!

How the wraith had attacked them to how the Mystery Skulls barely escaped with their lives, to being attacked by the wraith and run off the road. So many events that Arthur did not want to recall among the loud sounds of a shotgun, Vivi’s screams, and Mystery’s growls. He didn’t want to deal with that part of the past. It had hurt so much.

“…even when it was spelled out to you that Arthur was unwillingly possessed by a demon, you never forgave him for his unwilling role in your son’s death,” Niniane said as she looked at Mr. and Mrs. Pepper with a mix of disappointment and disgust, “Did you?”

Mr. and Mrs. Pepper look guilty, and Arthur couldn’t understand why. No matter how many apologies he made, they have every right to not forgive him.

“I hope you realize that you’re not very knowledgeable if you seriously think that just anyone could resist a possession of that caliber,” Niniane sighed, “After all, if Arthur had, your son would probably still be alive. Keyword being ‘probably,’ because that demon could have easily taken control of either your son or Yukino, and there’s no telling whether either of them would have fared any better, if not worse.”

“I know that now. More than anyone here,” Mr. Pepper said as he used his only hand to grip at his right shoulder, “I lost this arm pretty much the same way, after all.”

Arthur felt cold, his face turned white as he took in Mr. Pepper’s words. If he lost his arm the same way he has, then… He narrowed his gaze at Mystery in disgust, who took a step back with his tail between his legs.

“That must have been dreadful,” Niniane said, her tone showing that she has no sympathy for Mr. Pepper’s condition, “Moving on, I have also found that this town has been cursed roughly a week or so after Arthur left, and that it has affected the entire population of Tempo,” she turned to Vivi, “Perhaps you would be willing to elaborate on what this curse does in detail?”

Vivi looked down at her feet and fiddled with her skirt, “It… It’s a nightmare.”

“Meaning?” Morgan furrowed her brow.

Arthur didn’t like where this was going.

Vivi gave them a wry smile, “I’m sure you’ve read about this town’s unusually high suicide rate?”

“That we did,” Morgan piped up as she looked at something on her phone, “Although it doesn’t explain why, it says here that for approximately the past sixteen years, there has been an increase in suicides by eightfold. It’s says on average that there would be a death toll of around forty every year, which is rather high for a town of less than two thousand people.”

“That’s an understatement, Aunt Morgan,” Elaine said with unease, “If we take simple math into account, then that means over six hundred people have ended their own lives from back then to now. But what does all that have to do with Arthur? He wasn’t here when all those people died.”

“That’s true, but the nightmares never cease to remind us.”

When everyone looked at Mystery, the kitsune disguised as a dog continued.

“Almost every night, we have nightmares of the… punishments Arthur went through.”

“Through his eyes,” Vivi continued, shivering “As if we were the ones receiving it. I-I never thought that it would hurt so much…”

“At first, we didn’t think much of it, since we thought we were the only ones that were cursed, but then we were confronted by some of the townspeople,” Mystery turned away in shame, “They lost some of their loved ones by the time they came to us.”

“So the curse that is plaguing Tempo are supernaturally-induced nightmares, which not only affect you but the townspeople as well,” Niniane hummed, “Unless Arthur is the one that deliberately left such a curse, I’d imagine it came from a separate source.”

“I know for a fact that it wasn’t me,” Arthur spoke, upset that Niniane would even suggest such a conclusion, even though he knows she doesn’t believe it, “All I cared about was leaving this place. Anyone here could do whatever they wanted for all I care so long as I wasn’t a part of it.”

He felt a tug on his vest and looked down at Vivian. He held her closer to himself to assure both her (and himself) that it’s okay.

He hopes so.

The thought of being responsible for more than Lewis’s death would be too much to bear.

“I suppose you have an idea on what caused this curse in the first place,” Niniane said, “Especially since some of you have mentioned at least once that Arthur is needed to end the nightmare.”

“We believe he’s the key to breaking it,” Mystery said, “Since it was the demon that ruined everything that caused it.”

There was a long silence.

“You mean to tell me that the demon that took your arm was never exorcised?” Elaine asked in disbelief before looking at Arthur, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I… I never knew,” Arthur muttered as he looked down, “All I knew was that it was gone. I actually thought that they took care of it after I left.”

“It escaped before we could properly destroy it,” Vivi sighed, “That’s also the reason why we’ve been going around exterminating monsters. We were trying to find the demon that caused all this and hopefully break the curse, but we never could.”

“And nearly killed our children in the process,” Elaine grumbled to herself, which Arthur is pretty sure everyone could hear.

“When did this demon escape?” Niniane asked before her face shifted into an expression Arthur couldn’t identify, “Or more accurately, when and how did you first encounter it after Arthur left?”

The look of guilt that spread across Vivi and the Peppers is… telling. Lance also looked angry, as if recalling an unpleasant memory, which he probably is. Arthur didn’t know how to feel about that fact.

“It all started when I got a phone call from Lance,” Vivi rubbed her arm, as if to distract herself, “He asked me if I heard from Arthur and when he would be back from his solo vacation. Back then, I had no idea what he was talking about. That’s when we realized that Arthur went missing. Lance called the police to see if they could find him, and while they were on their search, Lance visited our home to see if we could find any clues in Arthur’s room.”

“That’s how I found the medical supplies and some used bandages,” Lance grumbled, “And when I realized that Arthur ran off to escape from domestic abuse.”

“I didn’t know he was being abused by Lewis! I swear to it!” Vivi insisted despite Niniane’s glare, “As soon as I learned of it, I immediately tried to fix things!”

Arthur gritted his teeth. Even now, Vivi still clings to her delusions.

“And what about you, mutt?” Niniane gave a tug on the leash, “I would imagine that through your role as a family pet of sorts, you would have a whiff of what was going on.”

“Arthur is very good at hiding his problems,” Mystery said, “And even then, I was more focused on caring for Vivi, for I am bound to her family. I know this does not excuse myself for my ignorance, and I doubt you will accept any apologies from me now, if ever.”

Arthur knew very well that the Knights family won’t accept it. For some reason, neither will he. Unlike everyone else in the room, Arthur has no intention to delve further into it. What’s in the past should stay in the past.

“Mmh…”

Arthur looked down at Vivian and saw that she is nodding off. He figures that’s a good thing, since he is beginning to think that it may be for the best that she isn’t around for this conversation.

He didn’t want to be here. He has to get away.

“I need to put her to bed,” he said as he stood up, all eyes trained on him, “I’ll… be back shortly.”

“I’ll go with you,” Elaine gave him an understanding smile.

Niniane and Morgan nodded, and Arthur left with Elaine behind him.

…

“It’s hard for you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Arthur nodded as he tucked Vivian into the bed that is in his old bedroom, “I-I know I haven’t told you and your family everything, and I’m sorry. But I just couldn’t, I couldn’t say anything. Even I don’t understand why anymore. All I wanted was just to let go and move on.”

“Arthur…”

“I-I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore,” he shook his head, “All this time, I’ve accepted that the Peppers had every right to be angry at me, that I deserved their hatred. I even accepted the blame from Vivi’s parents for being the cause of her amnesia. I mean, as far as I know, her memory is already back, but—I just don’t understand. Just… Why? Why are they always apologizing ever since we came here?”

The two left the bedroom.

“My knight,” Elaine cupped a hand around Arthur’s cheek, “Let me ask you this, then. After their apologies, can you tell me that you still blame yourself even now?”

“It doesn’t matter about who apologizes, Elaine,” he said as he held Elaine’s hand, “It doesn’t change the fact that, in a sense, I still killed Lewis. The Peppers had their family torn apart because of me. I even tried to turn myself in to the police, but I’d get held back every time. And just now we’ve learned that my leaving may have caused so many people unrelated to me, to everyone I knew here, to die from a curse that demon made. How can I not blame myself?”

Elaine smiled sadly, “Did you want Lewis dead at any point? Or any of this to happen?”

“No!” Arthur forced himself to keep his volume to a minimum in order to not wake Vivian, “I never wanted any of this to happen! All I wanted was to leave. They… they were already happy even without me.”

“You should tell the others that when we get back to them. Remember, I’m here for you, and Aunt Morgan and Nana Niniane are here for you. The kids are here for you, too. Know that you’re not alone. Not anymore ever since the day we got married, ever since you became a part of my family.”

Arthur gave a breath that mixed from a single laugh and a sob, “I know.”

“Whether or not you may have caused this town’s curse is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you left this place for one reason or another, it was something someone here did, and you had to get away from the pain,” Elaine pulled him closer, “No matter what anyone says, none of this is your fault. I know it.”

She kissed him in the lips and held him close. The two stayed like that for a moment before Arthur broke away from the contact.

“We should check on the kids before we go back,” Arthur said, “I don’t think Vivi’s son will do anything, but I… I just want to make sure they’re safe.”

“Of course.”

Soon, Arthur and Elaine were about to approach the living room, but something seems strange. Why does it feel oddly cold yet hot? It feels familiar, but it can’t be. The last time Arthur ever felt this is when-- Arthur made the sudden decision to rush for the twins. If Vivi’s son did something that could harm them—

“We never knew Dad like that. Sure, he does get scared sometimes, but he was never scared of us, even after that time back when I was seven.”

Arthur stopped. Is Percy talking to Jason? Back when Percy was seven? It took a moment before realizing that his son is talking about the time his power first awakened before losing control, and how Arthur himself nearly died because of it.

“I’m sure it’s because the three of you are his children,” a good-natured chuckle rumbled, “And from what you told me, your father is still a forgiving person even now. I just don’t think…”

It’s strange… that voice is familiar. The somewhat soft-spoken and low baritone voice that’s enough to put anyone at ease when someone new speaks to him for the first time…!

“Is someone else here?” Elaine whispered, “It feels like a ghost, but it’s not malicious. At least, I don’t think it is.”

Elaine can sense ghosts.

…No.

“Arthur?!”

His heart pounding, Arthur immediately went into the living room as Elaine called out to him. The three children were startled upon seeing him, and Arthur immediately spotted Gwen reading what looks like a comic book of sorts with Jason, the boy hiding behind her. Immediately after he sees Percy.

Something cracked.

“Daddy…?” Gwen looked scared. She should be.

Something snapped.

“Dad?” Percy is slow to speak, “W-What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Percy is holding something in his hands. Blue. Heart-shaped.

Pulsing.

The three children didn’t concern him. It’s what’s behind them.

Arthur opened his mouth.

A gurgle.

Something broke.

“Arthur…?!”

The wraith is among them.

The wraith has its hand on Percy…!

The wraith moved.

His left arm raised.

Before he could take a step, Arthur’s mind went blank as red spilled.

- - - - - - -

...Told ya.

I’m worried about the future, future!

Ain’t fucking with that past shit, baby!

I’m worried about the future, future, future, future…!

Part 19: Thought I Told Ya...!

[dailyaudiobible]

01/13/2021 DAB Transcript

Genesis 28:1-29:35, Matthew 9:18-38, Psalms 11:1-7, Proverbs 3:11-12

Today is the 13th day of January welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is a delight to be here with you today as we move through the middle of the week and continue our journey forward. And, so, let's get into the Scriptures. We’re reading from the New Living translation and we’ve been reading from the book of Genesis, obviously and we have met Abraham then we’ve met his son of promise, Isaac, we have met Isaac's children, Jacob and Esau and we are transitioning into that generation, the grand children of Abraham. Genesis chapter 28 and 29 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Genesis today we have encountered a very famous story, the stairway to Heaven story, where Jacob sees a stairway to heaven. And he is in a place called Bethel. And, so, many of us know the story of have heard the story, you know, from Sunday school, or whatever, but the context is that Jacob is on the run from Esau, having left his family, moving north to find Laban who’s his mother's brother's, his uncle. That's when he sees this stairway to heaven and it won’t be the last time that Jacob comes by this way, but it will be quite a long time. We spanned some 14 years in our reading today. So, Jacob gets to Laban and then the trickery begins. And we we’re mentioning that. There’s like this kind of trickery in this family going on and it spans many generations. So, Jacob's in love with Rachel, He makes a deal that he'll work for his uncle for seven years, in order to marry Rachel and the deal is done. Seven years goes by, right? The wedding happens and a wedding night happens, and Jacob wakes up to find the wrong girl. So, he's going to get both of the sisters as wives in the end but he’s gonna have to work another seven years for the woman that he loves. 14 years for two wives who are sisters. Like we’re in a different time right now. This is thousands of years ago but even thousands of years ago, you can only imagine the family dynamics there. And it's even more complicated because Jacob loves Rachel. This is the woman that he wanted to be with, but Rachel isn't having any children. It's Leah the firstborn sister who is having children. So, you can only imagine the animosity and the bitterness that is beginning to build, and we will see it unfold. But by the time we finished our reading in Genesis today Jacob had not only left his family and made it all the way to Laban, he had been there for 14 years and children were born to him - Ruben, Simeon, Levi, Judah. These names should sound somewhat familiar if we have any familiarity with the Bible at all. These children will grow up to become adults and have tribes of their own. We have met the beginning of four of the 12 tribes of Israel today.

In the book of Matthew today we’re…we’re seeing Jesus move around the countryside and in…and in and among the villages and the villagers and he does quite a bit of healing today, many miraculous things. And…and by the way, these stories that we’re reading in the book of Matthew, most of them we will also encounter, nuanced a little bit differently, but we will also see them in Mark and in Luke. So, we have plenty of time as we take our journey together through the Bible, but also as we move through the Gospels for several months just sitting at the feet of Jesus. We’ll have plenty of time to examine lots of things from lots of perspectives. But what we see is Jesus healing. So, that like there's a resurrection story today, there’s the one with the issue of blood, which is a very famous story today, and then we encounter two blind men who were just screaming to Jesus to “have mercy, would he have mercy” and…and he heals them. One thing of note about the miraculous, at least as it relates to Jesus is what he says to the blind men, “don't tell anyone about this.” And the Bible says, but instead, they went out and told everybody basically. But what we need to notice is Jesus posture. Like you would think a miracle worker, that could get something really going quick. News could spread very, very quickly and Jesus could get an enormous amount of power very very quickly, but He's not looking for that. What we see is Jesus isn't playing the world's game at all. It’s like He's marching to the beat of a different drummer. He’s…he’s living as a human being was intended to live. Yes, we know where the story goes, and we know that Jesus will…will hang from across and die and be resurrected and we…we often make that the long and short of the story with Jesus, like that…that He came to die, He did and that was that. But there's these three decades of His life, right? And there's these three years of his ministry, before all of that happened. And, so, looking into what Jesus message was about and looking into the way that He conducted Himself reveals something really profound. Let's think about it. It was just less than two weeks ago that we began this journey and we got to the book of Genesis chapter 3 and we…we saw the…the serpent in the tree and member that story and how the whole complexion of the story changed when mankind realized that it was naked and ashamed and so it's been hiding ever since. We talked about deception and then as we've continued through the book of Genesis and all of the readings that we've done so far we've…we've seen the results. Like we’ve seen the flood. We've seen all kinds of really difficult things, and we will continue to see them. We see the effects of mankind's trade. God, union with God and perfection was what we were intended to have. Instead, we change…traded it for knowledge, a knowledge of good and evil. And, so, what we see beginning to happen upon the earth in the Bible is mankind's knowledge doing what man's kinds knowledge can do. Here's an example from the book of Matthew. Jesus is doing these miracles and the religious people, they were known as Pharisees or Sadducees, but the Pharisees out and among the people, the leaders, the spiritual caretakers of the people say about Jesus, “He casts out demons, because He's empowered by the prince of demons.” Okay. They have lost the plot and they are in charge of the spiritual welfare of the people. They do not in any way recognize this is God made flesh right in front of them. They can only see that He has some surprising powers and they're trying to figure out what His game is. And, so, they're saying these things not understanding that they're saying them about the God they serve and the God that they are leading people to worship. Like that’s how twisted the trade was. Like we can have all the knowledge of good and evil that we want but if we don't have God we are just here trying to make it work and we make it work by subjugating each other. And that doesn't work. So, Jesus, He's here doing something totally different looking for something completely different. For Jesus, healing the miraculous, the restoration of things is just normal. He doesn't need it broadcasted all over the place. It's just normal. Wholeness is supposed to be normal. Healing and health is supposed to be normal. So, I encourage us to continue to listen closely, listen closely to the words of the Savior. Listen closely to the stories. Look into those stories and watch what Jesus is doing. Remember this. Before that tree incident with the serpent in Genesis 3 sin was not a category and Adam and Eve were upon this earth sinless and in perfect union with God. It was as it was supposed to be. Thousands of years, thousands of years passed and that had not happened again until Jesus came. Jesus shows us what a restored sinless, integrated, humanity looks like in union with God. He didn't only come to die. He also showed us how to live.

Prayer:

Jesus, we enter into that. We so often want You as an add-on. We want to live the life that we want to live but we want You in our back pocket as a get out…a get out of jail free card or some kind of insurance of something or another when You have invited us out of the world and in and to actual life. But it's…a transition is...is gonna be rocky. We’re gonna have to surrender so many things and learn how much we are clinging to and how little faith we might have. But we’re ready to learn. And we’re gonna have to learn that moving in this direction, the path of restoration, the path of sanctification, the path that leads, the path that leads to wholeness, that is going to by default set us apart. By default we are simply not going to be playing the same game anymore. And that can be a lonely path. And we see that borne out in Your ministry and in Your life. So, Come Holy Spirit, show us what it's gonna look like to become Christlike and what that's gonna mean. As we begin to just ponder surrender. We pray this in the name of Jesus our Savior. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it…it's the websites, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. I say that most every day.

I mentioned yesterday the Promised Land films and just the opportunity to kinda zoom in and see some of these places and I mean, like I can’t ignore it. We were in Bethel today, right? With the stairway to heaven, and Jacob seeing this and setting up a memorial stone. This is a place. This is an actual place. We have filmed this actual place. And the geography is so fascinating because indeed the geography looks like a stairway all around. All around the area, the tiered kind of staircase steps of the of the earth rising up. And, so, these are places that you can see. We've created this resource for that purpose. I mean all of the resources we create at the Daily Audio Bible are to take the journey of the Bible in a year deeper, more comprehensive. How much can we learn about ourselves and about the Bible and about the God of the Bible and about the God that's beyond it all, the most-high God who is our Father? This is the goal. So, kind of seeing some of these places and knowing, “yeah, this is a place on earth. This isn't a fairytale I’m reading. This is an actual archaeological place.” And seeing what it looks like is really helpful, at least it has been for me. So, reminding you the Promised Land films are available in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. We will send you the DVD edition. You will instantly have access to the downloads, to the high-definition downloads of the films. And, yeah, dive deeper. Check that out. It's in the Daily Audio Bible Shop in the music and films section.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage, and I thank you humbly and profoundly as we get launched into this new year for your partnership. We wouldn't be here. And this is year 16. So, we’ve been a community for a long time but we wouldn't exist if we were not in this together. And that has always been true. And, so, the beautiful thing is that we have been in this together. So, if Daily Audio Bible is bringing life to you, if it's bringing like some kind of awakening, the Bible is actually doing what the Bible does, then thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage. If you are using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello, my names Alexis I’m 15 I just started listening to Daily Audio Bible in about the middle of last year and I am really appreciative for this platform and for Brian and it’s really helped me grow closer to God. And lately I’ve just been feeling like a failure to be honest. Like, I’m fearing man more than I’m fearing God and it’s really been hindering me from like…there’s so many things that I know God wants me to do but I just care more about what the world thinks of me than what God thinks of me and it’s just not good. So, I’d really appreciate your prayers for spiritual maturity and boldness of the Spirit. Yeah, that’s what I really need. And I’m sure my mom is listening to this. So, hi mom. Love you. Okay, thank you. Bye.

Good afternoon everybody this is God’s Smile here. Well, it’s chucking it down with rain again. Well, I like a fine mist. But I woke up this morning when I coddled to the bathroom really early hours and there was this beautiful…I…I often look out of the front bedroom window when I’m up for a few minutes and try and stretch my legs a little…and so I was looking at this beautiful layer of frost because we don’t really get snow especially where we are in England because we’re by…by the sea…by Southport sea and not far from the salt there. You know it doesn’t really last unless we get a lot of snow which is nothing compared to the Canadians. So, what was I saying? Oh, losing me train of thought. So, it was really nice. And I thought, I’ll take a photograph of that later on. And, so, later on I get up and it’s all gone. Our weather is so unpredictable. But I just wanted to call in and say thank you Facebook DAB Friends for Peter’s request for prayer. Thank you, thank you, thank you for holding me. I’m up today, the first time in weeks. Isn’t that wonderful? I’ve been up with Tom a little bit, but I haven’t been up and been able to color. Now that Tom’s back home the Lord’s said, “go on, get up there or get down there.” And, so, I’ve had two hours where I’ve been doing my two most favorite things which is the color and listen to DAB. So, isn’t that wonderful? Isn’t God just wonderful? Times ticking away again. So, I send you my love. I send you so much love. Kiss kiss. Love God’s Smile.

Hello everyone I am Rachel from Oregon and I’ve been with you guys for a few months now and I have been listening even more consistently for this last month and I’ve only called in one other time to pray for a couple people but I just want to say that I really really appreciate this community. And I usually don’t get into podcasts or anything audio or videos whenever people refer me to all of them, but I discovered this one on my own and I’m so glad I did because it really encourages me and ministers to me a lot and I just appreciate it. Brian thank you so much for ministering to us so faithfully every day so many years of your life now. And all you guys out there, thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest and open and genuine. I can hear people’s heart cries for the Lord and just really encourages me as another broken human that there’s this wonderful community of people out there who love Jesus who really really need Jesus and aren’t afraid to admit it because I really really need Jesus. I am so broken, but I really appreciate all you guys and just know that I’ve been praying for so many of you even though I don’t call in, even though you guys feel so…so low/ And all the things that some of you are going through. I’m praying right there with you. I am your sister in prayer and Christ is interceding for you and I look forward to meeting all of you in the kingdom of heaven someday. I feel like you guys are actually my family. And it’s amazing. I love you. Thank you for everything.

Good morning this is Steve from South Carolina. I just started listening to the Daily Audio Bible just a couple of days ago, beginning of the year and I feel like I found a brand-new community and I thank you for that. I thank you for welcoming me. Two things I’d like to share I’d like you to pray about with me if you would. One is, today is my last day of official work after many, many, many years in Christian ministry. I’d appreciate your prayers for God’s reassignment and new adventures ahead. And secondly, my daughter has aggressive breast cancer. And as you might imagine I’m very concerned for her and her well-being. So, pray for a miracle of healing if you would please. And thank you so very much for doing what you’re doing. Thanks for being a praying community and a caring community. And thanks for believing God for great things in 2021.

Hello DAB family this is Greg and on behalf of my wife Begita from southwest Sweden. There’s snow on the ground here and that speaks of God’s promises. We thank you Brian for the promise of this year and thank you for the past year of your and China’s readings. China congratulations on the imminent arrival of your first baby a few months to go and we are really glad about that. And to hear Jill’s voice. I listen to DAB chronological today. Sorry I’m still working on being a double DABber. And she’s such a bright spot. The…the…the warmth and the light of the DAB campfire definitely flows through her voice as it does yours Brian and did through China. So, yeah, my prayer request was regarding how to reach people in a small community here where we live where people are largely indoors. You know, it’s northern country Sweden, so it gets dark early and so on. And even as I was making the prayer request wondering what to say DAB here a knock came at the door and it was a local businessman who wanted some carton boxes that we had. And I’m just thanking God for the He answers prayer even before it’s out of our months. You know, so we had a good chat with him, and I was able to ask him what His faith in Jesus is. But I’m just praying for different ways of outreach, whether it’s making tracks or community events anything such that we can do. But that’s partly why…why we’re here. And I just want to thank you once again for this community and what God has done through you in my life and my wife. All right, God bless and will catch up later in the year. But I will be listening. I now.

Hi this is Emerald Stone. I’m gonna call myself Emerald Stone because I’m from the Emerald Island of Ireland. I think this is my fifth year since I began to listen to the Daily Audio Bible. It’s so lovely to hear so many accents from around the world. I’ve heard Australian and English accents and lots of American accents. I don’t know if I’ve heard many Irish accents but I think I heard Brian before saying he was in Ireland. I just wanted to introduce myself and say happy new year to everybody. And I’m on day five. I’m two days behind but it’s just great to hear everyone and to start something fresh and new. And God bless the Hardin family. God bless our world at this time. Praying for our nation of Ireland going through level V lockdown again and the numbers are increasing. So, just very aware of that in these days and to be praying for the world at this time and in particular America as well. And thank you for your prayers in the past. And I just want to wish everyone a happy new year and I’ll call in again. It’s great to download the new app and see this new feature on it as well, which I’ve never tried before in order to give the prayer requests in. So, that’s really handy. So, God bless, and I’ll be praying for those people who have rang in with the prayers. Bye.

[goodnightoreo]

Dealing with Death

—————⌃⌄—————⌃⌄—————^————

It all happened too fast. 7 days ago, you got on my table meowing at me while I was giving a lecture so I had a good reason to introduce you to my class. 6 days ago, you apparently stayed the whole night in my room making me worried that you might have peed on my chair. 5 days ago, you were play-fighting with Dio running around the sala knocking things over. 4 days ago, you suddenly felt ill. We brought you to the vet. Your kidneys were acting up. No, it was too soon I thought. Doc prescribed you meds and told me to force feed you if needed. 3 days ago, I was frustrated. You didn’t wanna eat or take any of the meds. I still tried. I didn’t want to imagine where I had to start moving on without my pandemic buddy. 2 days ago, we had to get you confined. We were all hopeful. Our house help would share stories about her friend’s cat who went through the same situation. Her cat survived. 1 day ago, yesterday, you were fighting your way through. Doc texted saying you were “responsive” but still wouldn’t eat. Stubborn Oreo. Dio’s waiting for you at home. How are we gonna bring you back? But today, you left. 

I was never good at dealing with death; never really had the chance to experience it first-hand. Sure, I had friends who left early (may they rest in peace), but it was never this close to home.  This definitely applies even metaphorically when it comes to things in general. When a gadget I own, mostly laptops and cellphones, is about to get broken, I almost automatically try to look for a replacement just in case. When it does die, I’d try my best to fix it spending hours on YouTube tutorials messing with the screws and wiring. More often than not they don’t get fixed. I’d then spend my next few hours planning on how to get a new one in the quickest time possible so I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of losing a valuable thing. When I lose a relationship, whether a romantic or friendly one, I subconsciously look for other people to hang out with. If the relationship fails, at least I know who to fall back to. When I was about to lose my scholarship, I sought out online jobs. I eventually did lose my scholarship but I was able to numb down the pain by getting a writing job. At least then, I knew how to deal with it. 

I always had a plan for when things fall apart. Resiliency wasn’t an option I could opt out of. It was the only choice I had growing up. There was no safety net.

There was no time to slow down, no time to break down, no time to understand the pain. I just needed to get through to the next day. But what happens when there is no next day? What happens when the pain catches up? What happens when death flattens the line?

Dealing with death is one thing but knowing that I was potentially about to deal with death is twice the pain. At least with the former, I could do nothing more but to move on and let it all go. With the latter, everything is up in the air and anything can happen as long as there was still hope. This past week, I needed to deal with both. 

———————⌃⌄————————⌃———————

The whole time I looked after you keeping you in my room, I was grasping at straws calling out to God asking Him to let you stay longer. I had spent hours researching about Chronic Kidney Disease studying the different stages trying to diagnose you myself. I would’ve concluded that you were in stage 3. Medical licenses be damned. I just needed something to cling on to. Studies show that cats would have at least 2 years left at stage 3; 5 years if we’re lucky. “Great,” I thought, “I’d have time to prepare.” I pushed my luck and forced myself to look for signs that maybe you’re still in stage 2 because by then you’d still have 7 years more. At some points, I’d even have random Google searches about how to become a veterinarian myself. I just needed to buy you more time.

While I buried myself vainly in research, you would let out these soft meows. It kept me hoping that you were showing signs of life! But this creeping thought at the back of my head knows those were meows of pain. You were suffering. I know you don’t meow that way. I didn’t want to accept it, but subconsciously I listened intently to every meow you made because I knew those could’ve been your last meows. And it was. Painfully, it was. It burns all the more on the inside knowing that these were my last memories of you. 

We were supposed to visit you today, but you left too soon. We were just a little too late. I would’ve wanted to at least be with you until your final breaths and maybe see your ears flicker one last time as I try to bite it. I wanted to bring you home and wait for you to scratch on my door wanting to get in. I’d get annoyed at you but ultimately succumb anyway. You’d meow just seconds later wanting to get out. I’d get annoyed again but I open the door for you anyway. How poetic it is to even remember that at times you’d leave my room right after Doors by Ben&Ben plays on Discord with DTT; a song we’d play when we’re about to leave. It was an everyday routine between you and me. And honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Just one thing though, you haven’t queued Doors yet, Oreo.

You were buried in a cemetery for pets somewhere along EDSA today. I couldn’t come with. Somehow, I’d still like to cling on just a little bit longer to the delusion that you’re still here. You got me through literally all of my downs and breaking points this pandemic, and sadly the pandemic isn’t over yet. I’ll visit soon. Maybe when the pandemic’s over.

It’s just that right now, I’m not ready for you to leave. Nobody is. It just all happened too fast. Was there something we could’ve done 7 days ago? What could’ve gone wrong 6 days ago? Who would’ve known 5 days ago? Maybe 4 days ago? 3? 2..? 1... Today.  —————————————————————————— You made the people in this condo realize many things. Tito and Tita especially who at first didn’t want to have cats in the condo but ended up supporting you all the way through. I’ll most likely write more about that soon. Until then, I’ll just have to undo the habits I got used to: to look back behind my seat while I work expecting to see you lying down there, to look up on my cabinet to find your ears peeking out as you sleep, to bring you home from the other condo because you’d disturb the people sleeping, to be surprised that you snuck in my room while I went out, to see you on top of the boxes in the sala curled up sleeping, to find you in the narrow space under the couch hiding from bath time, to see you running straight to the door as you see me going out of my room thinking I’d bring you out, to — well, the list goes on. 

Goodnight, Oreo. May your chubby cheeks be pinched up there. Thank you for the 2 years 6 months and 12 days (and counting). You were a great (chubby) catto.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 75

“Harper! Va bene tesoro, sei arrivato, finalmente” Arno came walking up to her which made her stop in her tracks, oh god, what was he now? Late thirties? The last time she had seen him..was what? a decade ago?. Jared squeezed her hand as he too stopped but took a step forward as to protect her from the man approaching them, “Arno..ciao, come stai?” what else was there to say to someone who still felt like a stranger to her? Her eldest brother stopped in front of them seeing Jared's protective demeanour, “If you don't mind we'll switch to English, Arno, this is Jared, he's my ..boyfriend” she swallowed hard. “Nice to meet you, Jared, I'm Harper's brother, I believe we talked on the phone” he greeted Jared in impeccable English and impeccable manners, “nice to finally meet you too, Arno” Jared shook his hand. “You've grown into a beautiful, young woman” Arno smiled at his sister who stood there awkwardly biting her lip, “yeah, thanks..” she took a deep breath when she was pulled against her brother's hard chest in a hug, something they had never done in their entire life. It broke Jared's heart to see them act all awkward, so she had never experienced what it really was to have the support and the love of a sibling, he just couldn't imagine that he and Shannon would ever greet each other with such an emotional distance between them.  “How's papa?” she quickly let go of her brother and asked the pivotal question, “same as yesterday I'm afraid..mama is with him now, the rest of the family has gone back to the hotel to get some rest” he nervously said, knowing full well how tense the situation could become between her and their mother. “Wait here, I'll go tell her to give you some time with him” he smiled and turned to go, Jared felt her hand tremble in his “oh babe, shhh, you nervous?” he pulled her against his chest and kissed the top of her head, “I don't know if this was such a good idea, I'm not sure I can do this” her breath flowed warm and soft through his shirt. “Of course you can do it, if you want I can come with you” ” he breathed in her hair “you decide”, it felt good that he left her the choice, right now it seemed like there had never existed a reason for their break up, maybe there wasn’t, maybe it was all that stupid pride of her all along, just like her pride was preventing her from just walking inside the hospital room of her father, pride and fear, the two most powerful and also most powerless words in the world. “I would prefer for you to be there with me, yes, are you sure you can handle that?” she slowly let go of him, “I can handle anything when you’re involved, remember that” he took her hand and kissed it, “come on, we’ll do this together”.

Harper saw her mother come out of the room without even giving her the light of day, “You’re only allowed 15 minutes” Arno gave her a faint smile, he too was dumbstruck by all the vile things their mother had just said to him about his sister, but he tried to hide it and opened the door to their father’s room for them. Jared walked in after her and saw her gasp just looking at her father who was attached to all kinds of tubes and machinery, “I can’t..” she turned to Jared, despair and fear flashing in her eyes, her breath weezing in her throat, “it’s ok, you can do this, go sit with him, I’ll be right here..there’s nothing to fear, ok?” what the fuck, he himself didn’t even believe his own words anymore, but he couldn’t allow himself to storm out of that room, he’d promised he was gonna be there for her and he was gonna keep that promise. He gave her a confident nod, she took a deep breath, turned around and headed towards the bed of her father again to pull a chair close to the side, “Ciao papa, sono io, Harper Coco” reluctantly she put her hand over his. This hand that had been raised towards her so many times, was now here resting underneath hers, so many fights, so much abuse, that entire hurricane of anger and hurt was stilled right here and right now where there was nothing left to say. That’s how she sat there for a few minutes, all still but Jared could see the war in her head that was raging, he would fly to the moon and back just to be able to help her, comfort her, but this was something she could only do herself, unfortunately.

It was so weird sitting here, all these tubes and machines didn’t scare her, she was getting used to them with all the huffs and puffs and bleeps but this silence between them was new and heavily uncomfortable, all her life her Dad had screamed and yelled at her and now he could no longer, which one was better? Did it matter right now?. “Why did you always hate me so much, papa? Because I didn’t follow your footsteps and be the good little girl you’ve always wanted me to be? Why couldn’t you accept the path I followed and what it brought me? Huh? Why? It brought me so much and made my life so much richer..and wealthier..maybe even your entire scene at the gallery has finally brought me fame, that’s the irony of it though, you of all people were the one who made me sell all those paintings, maybe I should be grateful, huh?!” she sarcastically huffed through the tears that were streaming down her face. “And you know what? My choice of life brought me Jared..and you like Jared, so you can be happy with that..and if not..well I guess that’s just tough because I’m not trading him for anyone”. Jared’s head shot up and despite the situation and the room they were in, his heart had never done more somersaults, meanwhile Harper kept talking, desperately trying not to unleash her pent-up anger of all those years, on her father. “You know, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, was it worth it, Dad? Was it really worth all that anger, that hate you threw my way all those years? Disowning me? Taking my title away from me? I mean, was it all because I went my own way? Or was it to cover up something else?” now the words came pouring out, and she got all agitated “I guess I'll never know, will I? You come storming into that gallery on my big night and you just drop half dead on the scene? Was that another one of your little schemes to ruin my night? Was it? Why the fuck were you even there?”. The tears came fast and furious now, so Jared decided to step out of his little comfortzone on the other side of the room but she shot him such an angry glare when she heard him walk up behind her that he automatically decided to leave her be and he backed off again. “You made it feel for me like I never had a family, you turned everyone against me, nobody ever bothered to contact me in all those years, except you, wait no, your lawyer contacted me, you never even bothered to have a conversation with me! I've been dead to you for so many, many years, well guess what papa, you're dead to me too” she was sobbing so hard her voice was but a screech by now. “I did what I had to do, what was expected of me, so this is it, Dad, if this is too hard for you to keep holding on, or if you were waiting for me somehow then you can go, not that you need my blessing, but you can go” she angrily and roughly wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her jacket and nodded “whatever it's gonna be, you decide”.

Like it was meant to be, there was a soft knock on the door and a nurse walked in “I'm so sorry, Miss, but he needs his rest” and headed to the bed to check on his vitals. Harper quickly brushed the rest of her tears away and nodded, the last of her monologue with her father was without words, he could see it in the slowness with which she let go of his hand, Jared approached her for the second time, this time her reaction was a lot less hostile, “come” he reached for her hand and she grabbed it immediately, clinging to it as she got up and he escorted her slowly out of the room. “You ok?” her brother had worry scribbled all over his face when he walked up to them in the corridor, “No..yes..I don't know, ask me later ok?”, Jared felt her tremble, “listen..uhm..it's been a long day and I could do with a drink..something to eat, there's this place at the end of the block, maybe we could go together”. Before Harper could decline her brother's invitation, Jared nodded “good idea, give us all some time to catch our breath” she needed her family right now even though she would deny it, and so far Arno was her only ally. The hussle and bussle of New York did her good as they walked to the restaurant, it was the only trigger that entered right now as the conversation with and the sight of her Dad was playing on a loop inside her head. Jared held open the door for her and it was heartbreaking to see a grown up brother and sister act so awkward with and around each other, it was almost like a scene from a movie where the nervous older brother was 12 again and out with his kid sister, both of them so far out of their comfort zone, the older brother wants to comfort her, protect his little sister, but she looks so scared of him like they're not even siblings.

The waitress walked up to them with a huge smile, pointing at a booth in the middle of the crowded restaurant, “hey..” Arno put his hand over hers but she reacted like she was stung by a bee, trying not to pull her hand away too fast “it's ok..he's not here, he can't hurt you”, what did he just say? He knew? They had talked on the phone a few times, but they had never talked about anything this deep, so far he had always been the mediator, always choosing the middle of the road, staying away from the real issues and misery. “Wait, what? You know?” she suddenly hissed at her brother who turned bright red, like he was caught  in the act, “Coco, I..” he tried to think of the right way to answer her question, “don't 'Coco' me, who am I kidding? You all knew, mother, our sisters, brothers, everybody knew that Coco was Daddy's punching bag and you never did anything to stop it?” she banged her fist on the table, making every head in the entire room turn. “Ok babe, shhhh, calm down” Jared put his hand on her fist to calm her down “it's ok, your brother doesn't mean any harm, just let him answer, just stay calm ok?” and to his surprise it worked and she remained calm. “Coco, I didn't know, ok, you've gotta believe me, I only found out about a few days ago from Mama, she mentioned something about you and Papa and..it triggered a few things I must have pushed away, so I kept asking her about it, we even had a fight..you have to believe me, Harper, that's why I called you”. It was the 'triggered a few things' part and especially the 'pushing away' that calmed her down, she knew he was telling the truth, this entire family was all about hiding and pushing things away, to the outside world they were the perfect, wealthy diplomates family with all those beautiful kids and their nannies travelling the globe. All the hurt, the physical pain, the blows, the fights, the authoritarian upbringing was always kept neatly inside,  “I was hoping that you and I could finally start to reconnect again, I've been a lousy brother to you, so all I can hope for is that you'll give me chance to be that brother you desperately needed..I love you, Coco, you're my sister..” Arno whispered at her and it certainly had its' effect on her because she clasped her hand over her mouth and tears started rolling again, “I'll take that as a 'yes' as in 'yes, I will give you that chance to be my brother again', because nothing would make me happier, Coco”.  Harper could hardly believe what she was hearing, could there finally be a glimmer of hope and light coming out of all this misery? “I've missed you so much, Arno..and I love you too” she nodded while swallowing her tears away.

[kosmosian-quills]

Camp NaNo - Day 7

The follow up to yesterdays Day Six Drabble! I actually changed a few things I had initially planned for this scene but this is a first draft after all, so things might change a bit later.

I hope you enjoy!

I don’t get the chance to visit my grandfather often, but when I do, there’s nothing quite like the overwhelming sense of nostalgia that washes over me as I am driven down the lonely road to his cottage.

The autumnal sunlight that streams down from the sky through the ceiling of trees is the same as always, even if the trees have mostly lost their leaves by now - if not they are burning red and orange, settling to the dirt.

The slightly bumpy path that the car takes is almost a comfort, knowing that what lies at the end of the path is so very precious to me. The wildflowers that have bloomed through the summer are still clinging on, by the looks of things, even if they don’t look nearly as lively as they would two months ago.

Soon, I can see my destination through the trees, to my left. The road didn’t turn yet, so I had a good long look at the cobbled fence that surrounds the house and land. I can’t see anyone yet, but that’s fine. Grandfather is probably in the garden tending his plot, if not in the house. He normally is, at least.

Everything is exactly as it used to be. It’s quaint and unassuming, bricks and a thatched roof, windows with flowerpots hanging out of them, shutters open with the windows closed, the water butt next to the door that connects to the drainpipes. I can see the tool shed in the corner of the garden, near the tall tree that has been there as long as I can remember, the swing still hanging from the sturdy branches.

After all these years, he’s kept that swing there for me. It was one of the first things I remember him doing for me as a child, and he’s kept it for me, even going as far as to keep the paint on the seat topped up with a fresh layer every few years. I can’t remember the last time I played on that swing, honestly. Maybe when I was around 13? I am not certain.

The sound of the car approaching clearly was a signal to my grandfather, because I saw him pop up from among the wall, where I know his little plots are. He gets up slowly, it clearly takes effort, but I don’t care about that when the smile he has on his face as he takes off his gloves is so warm and welcoming.

We pull up just by the steel gate and I wait for the door to be opened for me. I can see my grandfather slowly making his way around the house, and slow was the operative word. He’s much less mobile than he was before, but then again, he is an elderly gentleman. It’s still a little strange to see him so frail though. He even looks paler than usual.

I don’t hesitate though, I don’t try to hide my happiness at seeing him again

Leaving the driver with the car - as is normally the case when I come visit grandfather - I open the gate and step inside to greet him. He’s propping himself up with his pitchfork as he walks, but I don’t care about that.

His weathered face, wisps of silver hair on the top of his head, dirty overalls and an orange fleece that he wears when gardening. So normal. Familiar.

“Dziadziu,” I smiled and wrapped my arms around him for a gentle hug. “It’s so wonderful to see you again.”

“Ah, the same to you, aniołku,” he replies, patting me on the back gently before pulling away from me.

A small pattering of footsteps appear at my feet, and I look down to see a little smoky-haired grey cat rubbing it’s head against my legs. I bend down to greet the cat, and he purrs with delight when I scratch the little spot behind his ears.

“Mruczek, still happy to see me.”

Mruczek became a part of my grandfather’s household when I was 12 years old. He was part of a litter that my grandmother’s cat had before she died.

He liked to wander off on his own, but rest assured that he would always come back. He always had a fondness for my grandfather, keeping him company after my grandmother’s death. He liked me too, and grandfather let me choose what to name him. Mruczek - the one who meows - is what I chose. Grandfather still tells me that I had options like “Szarak” for his grey coat and “Chmurek”, for the way he looks like a raincloud rather than a snow white one.

The cat leads the way into the house, and I simply linked arms with my grandfather and helped him inside, out of the cold.

“So how have you been, Anjelika?” he asks me, taking his seat in the living room, letting out a small sigh as he did so, his words that followed spoken slower than usual. “Did you have a good birthday? Your mother showed me a photograph from your Officiation Ceremony.”

“It was good, thank you,” I replied, taking my seat on the sofa beside his recliner. “You seem a little pale, Dziadziu. Are you sick?”

“No more than the last time you saw me.”

I remember him having a cold when I saw him last, and he seemed okay with it, but I am still concerned for his health. He isn’t a spring chicken anymore, by any stretch of the imagination.

“I have something to ask you, Dziadziu, something I’m… not sure how to deal with.” I ask, my voice hopefully rich with sincerity. I’ve come for his wisdom in the past, and come for his affections, I hope he’ll continue to help me now. “Father told me two days ago that he wanted me to use my Maidens of Honour, and act like their friends, for the purpose of building a more promising public image.”

I look away from him briefly, because Mruczek was creeping across the back of the sofa and curling up next to me. I spend the moment stroking his soft coat of fur before continuing to speak. Mruczek always did seem to know how to make me feel better.

“The thing is, I’m not sure… how. Father wants me to act like their friend, not… not really be their friend.” I tell him. I haven’t made any progress on his request, and I know that this seems so wrong, but I just didn’t know what to do and felt that receiving impartial advice was the best thing to do. “I don’t want to lie to them, at all.”

“Have you tried talking to them?” He asked, cocking his head to the side a little.

I shrugged. “Well… I wanted to talk to them last week, before father’s request, but I just… I got worried, and just left without anything else because I didn’t know what to do. How to talk to them, I mean.”

“Hm,” he pauses for a moment, looking at me, but I don’t want to interrupt his thoughts at all. “So you don’t want to lie to them, but you also don’t want to disobey his Royal Highness, right?” he asks with a small smirk. It does put me at ease a little, but I am still a little concerned.

“Yes.”

“Well, I think that you should be their friend.”

I blink, unsure of whether I heard him correctly.

“Hear me out, Anjelika - your father wants you to act like their friend, and not be their friend. Honestly, that sounds like a huge conflict in instruction and impossible to carry out. The best way to act as someone’s friend is to be their friend, and you don’t want to lie to these girls, do you?”

“No.”

“Then there’s your answer. Be honest with them if you want, or pretend your father never gave the order, but becoming their friend will help you in this scenario.”

The answer sounds so simple when he says it like that, but there’s still an element of tactfulness involved in whether or not I tell them that getting to know them is on my father’s orders. They know it’s not normal either, to be friends with the Princess, so how can I make it seem genuine and not forced?

“I appreciate the advice, Dziadziu, I really do - and I shall act on it - but I just… I don’t know how to approach them. How can I start this friendship, then? I am someone who was raised as a Princess, and all they call me is “your highness”, and I’m still getting used to their names and I barely know anything about them.”

“That’s how all friendships start, Anjelika, with total strangers coming together. Start with your name. Friends won’t live on a hierarchy, Anjelika. Ask them to call you whatever you want to be called.” He nods at me. “Of course, as you stated, your situation is different. Your mother will know that more than anyone. She married into your father’s family not knowing the first thing about how the Royal Family truly operates. Of course she had to learn these things, but you’ll learn more from these girls than you would if you don’t become their friend.”

I nod, “I’m aware that these differences can and will be good for me. I want to learn from them what I can, they’re all so… unique, but the thing is that I don’t know how is best to approach them. To tell them that I want to learn from them, to make myself improve.”

“I understand your concerns and they are all completely valid worries. As you stated in your last visit, they are girls chosen for you and not by you. That means that double the effort is required to get to know each other.” He sounds so compassionate and wise all at once, his brown eyes just like mine are so warm in contrast to the bitter air outside. “I’m sure they’re a little bit intimidated by you too. You’re in a position of power and security that they’ll have never experienced before. They’ll be worried about saying the wrong thing, upsetting you, and getting in trouble.”

“I don’t want them to have that worry, though.”

“They are not mind readers, you will have to communicate this with them. Communication is the solution to this entire concern of yours. It’s all very scary, I know it is, living with near strangers and working with them too. Start by initiating polite conversations at mealtimes. How about asking them what their homes are like? Their families? Their interests? This will be an opportunity for not only you to get to know more about them, but for them to get to know more about you.”

He is right, of course, again this just sounds so much easier than it is in my head. In my head it’s all a mess, a fear of getting things wrong and insulting them with my questions. I don’t want that at all. It’s probably why I’ve avoided speaking with them much since I met them, that debilitating fear of being… being insensitive, and rude, when I’ve been raised to be anything but.

“Just speak to them? It seems like a lot of work all at once, Dziadziu,” I feel Mruczek move from under my hand and skip out of the door quickly. I briefly wonder where he’s going, but he’ll be back soon no doubt.

He shrugs. “Well, if doing it all at once is so daunting, try breaking it down into more manageable chunks.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Speak with them one at a time. If you find yourself with just one of these girls, it will be easier for you both, won’t it? Rather than submitting to the ordeal in front of everyone.”

“I suppose so - okay, thank you, Dziadziu.”

He coughs and splutters loudly after I thank him, and it seems to go on for a moment too long. I lean forward, and just as my question of are you alright? forms on my lips, he stops, and looks at me with a hand raised. Stop.

“I’m alright, Anjelika.”

I nod slowly, not quite believing that this is true. I want to believe he is, but all the same, he isn’t a young man anymore. “If you’re sure…”

His familiar smile lights up his face again as he relaxes on the seat properly once more. “Now then, why don’t you tell me about what incredible feats your mistress Anna is putting you through for your training?”

I don’t recall how long I was sat there, exchanging stories with him for. Some my own, some of his long distant memories of his youth with my grandmother and mother. He’s got a gift for storytelling that I’ll never be able to match, always able to keep it interesting and meaningful.

So when the time finally came for me to say goodbye until next time, it felt like a huge loss. Grandfather Jan always has been able to give me the love, attention and affection I’ve craved since I was a child, and I adore him for everything he’s done for me. Fitting me the swing on the old tree, painting the wall in my bedroom, all wonderful things that I treasure forever. I am his only grandchild, so I suppose it’s only natural that he would shower me exclusively with such treatment.

And whilst he never went against the things my parents raised me with, he did give me something that they didn’t, and that was the praise and support I needed to face everything.

I don’t think he realises just how much it all does mean to me.

“Thank you, Dziadziu. I am very grateful that your support can always be relied upon.”

“I’ll always do what I can for you. Aniołku. Just don’t get worked up. Write to me, and let me know how things go, yes?”

“Goodbye, Dziadziu.”