#14-year-old me was gagging...19-year-old me was gagged

[maddy-ferguson]

they're for sexy people only if you don't get them i have news for you

[chaoticace2005]

Why Vox needs to GET THE FUCK OVER THE RADIO DEMON:

(By Velvette, the only competent of the Vees)

(Her list for Valentino here)

1. He’s just not into you

2. We have better things to do than allocate company time to this.

3. He makes you look stupid

4a. He makes US look stupid (and Valentino already does that enough)

4b. Seriously how are we supposed to stop your boy toy from chasing whore around town when you can’t do the same with your ex? We need to set a (gag) good example for him.

5. What do you even see in him? Tacky coat. And that voice is so old-school.

6. You have two people who (reluctantly) want to work with you. Why spend energy on a guy who doesn’t?

7. This was seven years ago babe. Give it up.

8. I’m tired of finding your Alastor Body Pillow around the penthouse

9. Speaking of the body pillow, did you really have to spend 5k on it?

10. Company money should be used for COMPANY things. The fact we even have an “Alastor” budget is stupid. HE DOESNT EVEN GO HERE. ( @onesidedradiostatic )

11. He fucked off once, he probably will again.

12. Do you really want to fuck with someone who has the princess and king of Hell on his side?

13. It makes Valentino insecure about his sexual prowess, which is not good for anyone.

14. I have to LISTEN to him complain about it.

15. No matter how hard you try, nobody will ever beat “Susan” for #1 rival in that man’s heart. (Which is valid cause Susan SUCKS.)

16. Also you’re wasting company time by having Val put together shitty-Alastor look alike porns? Angel Dust does NOT look like Radio Demon ffs, I though Val was the blind one not you.

17. Your screens keep crapping out whenever you think about him, and we’re running out of ones in storage.

18a. I don’t want to keep having to go to overlord meetings for you because you’re having a breakdown over of he’ll be there or not.

18b. Speaking of breakdowns, STOP MAKING THE WHOLE CITY LOSE POWER.

19. You’ve taken over the entire office space with your Alastor-shrine. It’s not really an inconvenience, just creepy.

20a. Not to kinkshame but I walked in on you and Val fucking with Alastor-wigs on, REALLY?!

20b. Also I think you’re making Val insecure about his lack of hair.

21. STOP asking me to design Alastor-cosplay clothes for you. I don’t want anything to do with this.

22. I already have to deal with one pissbaby

23. Seriously, he isn’t into you. Maybe it’s cause you’re a mess. Maybe it’s cause he’s AROACE. Who knows.

24. You keep interrupting channels to brainwash people into hating the Radio Demon, when we should be brainwashing them into other things.

25. We can all hear you talking to yourself in the shower when trying to come up with shitty comebacks.

26. You display your dreams when you sleep, and while it was funny at first at this point it’s so boring. Val and I want to watch something actually interesting for once rather than the same shit.

27. You keep glitching out in bisexual whenever he comes up and it’s annoying waiting for you to put your shit back together again.

28. I’m sick of movie nights where we just watch your self-made compilations of “Alastor’s Epic Fails” or just watch security footage of him at the hotel.

29. Why do you even try and film him? Your shitty cameras can pick hardly anything up.

30. Honestly this whole thing is just pathetic.

31. Like it used to be cute but now?

[whumpuary]

Welcome to Whumpuary 2024!

Whumpuary is a whump themed mixed-media creation event/challenge taking place in January.

This year the prompts came together through a community submission form and then a poll, where I picked the 53 most voted prompts! There are 15 numbers with 3 prompts each, plus 8 alt prompts. The dates are just meant to be a general guideline for those who want/need some structure in a challenge (e.g post every other day), but you don't actually have to create/post on those dates. You can combine prompts any way you want or just pick one of each number, do every single one or even all of them combined into one big creation (or just use one single prompt. That's already an achievement!) If you don't like any prompts of a number you can also replace or combine them with an alt prompt. The main or alt prompts don't have to be done in order.

Go here for more information, rules and the tagging system Go here for FAQs

The inbox is open for any questions!

Text version of all the prompts is under the cut

Whumpuary 2024 Main Prompts 1. (Jan 01-02) Captivity / Snow / Secret Revealed 2. (Jan 03-04) "Get away from me" / Collapse / Choking 3. (Jan 05-06) Used as bait / Stumbling / "This is gonna hurt" 4. (Jan 07-08) "Help me" / Lightheaded / Kneeling 5. (Jan 09-10) Can't move / "Stay. Please" / Kidnapped 6. (Jan 11-12) Exhaustion / Blindfolded / Old Injuries 7. (Jan 13-14) "I didn't know where else to go" / Bruises / Drugged 8. (Jan 15-16) Muffled Screams / Hostage / "You look awful" 9. (Jan 17-18) "Make it stop" / Restraints / Hair Grabbing 10. (Jan 19-20) Desperation / Gunpoint / Can't stay awake 11. (Jan 21-22) Blood / "Just get is over with" / Memories 12. (Jan 23-24) "You're awake" / Rescue / Unfair Fight 13. (Jan 25-26) Left to die / Barely Conscious / "I'm Fine" 14. (Jan 27-28) Flinching / Breakdown / Sleep Deprivation 15. (Jan 29-31) You're safe / Aftermath / Touch starved

Alt Prompts 1. Stabbed 2. "Let me see" 3. Recapture 4. Forced to watch 5. Headache 6. Gagged 7. "Do you trust me?" 8. Blood Loss

[punkeropercyjackson]

Objectively Miles and Jason are the best dynamic you can get out of superhero crossovers.They're written in ways that would fundamentally make them like eachother on first meeting because of their countless similarities yet significant differences and make for a really deep,equally beneficial and even realistic as much as you can be with superheroes dimensional hoping relathionship(and unlike a lot of certain other Jason hc relathionships,it's based of Miles as a person instead of black hair and blue eyes and superpower fantasies)

So Jason while not the nicest person has no reason to beef with Miles like he does often with others and that makes him give Miles a chance to get to know him and he'd have zero regrets because of what a chaotic little shit yet absolute sweetheart he is and he'd see his Robin self in him too-'You're like me....The me that died'.And Miles has so much banter game and nonchalantness to lack of manners(gracias por la confirmation Gwendita /lh)he'd get along with Jason easily and find his goth boyloser attitude funny and enjoyable to be around.They also have complimentary interests,Miles is an anime nerd and an artist and Jason is a classical literature nerd who's implied to keep secret journals that're written poetically and they have the uniting factors of being gamers and loving fast food so they can combine them and share their hobbies as bonding including parallel play and going to New York arcades and Batburger together and obviously Miles gets Jason to do graffiti with him and Jason convinces Miles to read his favorite books and they get real silly with all of it

There's also the obvious factor of Jason being afro-dominican('THAT'S NOT CA-'Shhhhh,i know you're one of those headass niggas who thinks Jason is a horndog with nothing but edge and that he actually likes Roy and 'Kori' but are a Jayrose and Jaytemis anti and i bet you think Slade is hot too,your Jason opinions are about as canon as that scene we shan't speak of even Grant Morrison regretted and said was ooc but that you still joke about cause you're racist)so like how Miles being afro-puerto rican made it so he has no problem befriending people of all ages thanks to the strong sense of community that's normalized in latino cultures,them being an intergenerational friendship came naturally.Jason wasn't always perfect due to lack of experience with kids but he didn't do damage and it was pretty much just him being a dumbass and Miles fumbled a bit too because a 19 year old is different from a 16 year old,a 14 year old and his mentor in his 30s he's also buds with but it was all gags and they're almost mentally linked.Jason has shoulder length dreads and Miles decided to get them too after he gained a supernatural white streak like him(spoilers!!!)so they could match and uses the fact Jason sobbed a lil over it as blackmail because he recorded it

Jason is 'Big Guy' and Miles is 'Little Man'.They're absolute MONSTERS on the battleground together and a terrifying ass proffessional instigators amature investigators duo.Jason turned Miles into a black death metal fan and Miles' tricked Jason into letting him try out makeup looks on him so he'd be trial run instead of Miles making himself look like a pretty clown.They're Animal Crossing partners(visiting eachother's villages and all that other good stuff).Miles is an 'Us!!!' type of guygirl and Jason loves it,he's like 'Yeah dude we are those two decorated cookies,you're so right'.Miles found a crazy ass Shakespearen item on a mission and gifted it to Jason and Jason bought Miles a replacement collectible.Jason uses Miles' head as an arm rest and Miles is the exception to the 'Don't touch the battle jacket' rule.Miles hates Bruce on the basis he contributed Jason's trauma AND is a rich white dude and Jason would want Jefferson and Rio as his parents if he didn't already have Talia

And obviously we need to adress the Spiderbatelephant in the room that Jason,y'know,dosen't follow the no kill rule and did some pretty bad shit in Utrh.I'll be honest,i'm not all that interested in doing a deep look into it because it's fictional superheroes but Miles is unaware of it for a long while and at first Jason just didn't feel like telling him the full details but as that while passed,Miles naturally influenced him into becoming good again with no effort and he came pretty close to killing too a few times because Jason influenced him back into chanelling his rage instead of surpressing it to be The Nice GuyTM(including giving him the guts to stand up to his bullies to the point they're scared of Miles)and that led to a moral crisis for Miles and time apart but it dosen't last that long because this is comics babie and also to me they're too edgy to be pg but still somehow is siblings protagonists-coded.Miles G showing up also fucks with Miles' head in this context and Jason ain't getting off easy either when Arkham Knight drops in the ruin things a lil more.Meows Morales and Pawson Todd(who's not a cat but a werewolf)and Lego Miles and Lego Jason and at least 5 other respective variants brighten things up though

Stan the Flowerghost Brothers with me.Thanks

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump No.14

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Today I’m talking whump with the wonderful @livelaughwhump!

Great to have you here! Let’s start with a fact or two about yourself!

Greetings! My name is Armin, I'm 19, and my pronouns are they/them! I work as a daycare attendant/assistant preschool teacher. I love crocheting, cross-stitching, and basically anything crafting-related

What does whump mean to you?

Wow, there's a lot I could say to answer this

I think whump is the only interest that I can say I've had for my entire life. I think I got into it when I was about seven-years old and it's one of my only interests that has not faded over time. I find it very freeing to be able to delve into the dark and disturbing parts of my brain instead of ignoring them.

And how did you find the whump community? What made you want to join?

I've been interested in whump for most of my life, but I haven't been a part of the tumblr whump community very long. In fact, I think I only joined in October of 2022. I believe I found some screenshots from whumpblr on pinterest, which led to me going on Tumblr and diving deeper into the content on here.

Has your view on whump changed since you joined? I think so. Before I knew what whump was, I always thought that there was something deeply wrong with me because I enjoyed torturing fictional characters so much. So, it was very relieving to find out there was not only a word for it, but also a community of people that enjoyed the same disturbing things I did. Other than my personal opinion on whump itself, I don't think my favourite tropes or anything really changed.

And your favourite whump tropes?

Oh god, there's so many, but I think my main favorites are captivity, pet whump, dehumanization, muzzles/gags, sensory deprivation, hurt/comfort, etc. There are plenty more but I don't think I can list all of them.

They’re all so good! Do you have a favourite piece or pieces that you've written? 

Oh god, I don't think I can pick a favorite. I love my whole Worthless series, but I think Chapter 12 is one of my all time favorites. My Birthday Gift drabble, my Strays drabble, and my Panic drabble also get an honorable mention.

These are so good! Do you have a regular writing routine or more when the inspiration strikes?

I don't really have a routine, I kind of just write whenever I'm feeling motivated. I usually write on my lunch breaks at work, or late into the night when I should be getting to bed.

What do you find easy to write? Is there anything you struggle with?

Dialogue is easily where I thrive. I'm not good at describing things or explaining actions, but I consider myself pretty good at writing convincing dialogue. Probably because I end up having conversations with myself as my characters, which makes finding natural dialogue pretty easy.

Anything you're working on at the moment?

I am currently working on chapter 16 of my Worthless series, but it's been at a standstill for a couple days. Making up the stories in my head is so much easier than actually writing them.

That last bit is very relatable…Is there any advice you’d like to share?

Write what you would want to read! Don't worry about pleasing everyone because that is literally not possible. Write for yourself and no one else!

Shoutout time! 

@whump-queen, @whumpsday, and @oddsconvert are my top three sources of inspiration. They are all awesome people and amazing writers and their stories have inspired me so much!!

Honorable mention to @rosekins6211 for being one of my biggest supporters!! Literally could not do it without her!!

Anything you'd like to add?

Thank you to everyone that has supported me and read my weird little stories! And thank you, Malice, for having me!

Show no mercy, and happy whumping, everyone!

THank you so much for joining us today, @livelaughwhump! 

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[ducktaildl]

If you want, answer or try to answer to the following questions, please.

1) Is there anyone who knows that you wear/ like/buy diapers?

2) Has anyone accidentally ever seen you wearing diapers (with nothing else covering them) in a locker rooom, in a public toilet, airport check-in, during a medical visit or anywhere else? If yes, how did he react to this?

3) Has anyone accidentally ever been able to notice you wearing your diapers under your clothes? If yes, what has the reaction been?

4) What are your favourite diapers?

5) Ever worn diapers 24/7?

6) Do you like straitjackets, gags, and adult diapers together?

7) Have you ever been seen while buying adult diapers in a shop? If yes what has been the reaction? Furthermore, how has the cashier reacted?

8) Have you ever bought diapers using internet?

9) Has ever been anyone who has joked about you wearing diapers? Has ever been anyone who has made fun of you because you wear diapers?

10) Have you ever been humiliated for you wearing/liking/buying diapers?

11) Have you ever tried reusable adult diapers? If yes, how are they?

12) When did you wear your first adult diaper? What did you feel?

13) How has being ABDL influenced your social and love relations?

14) How many diaper lovers/ABDL do you know, both online and where you live?

15)Are you more AB or DL?

16) Why do you like/love diapers?

17) Have you ever seen anyone wearing diapers, in a public space (with nothing else covering them)?

18) Have you ever been able to notice anyone wearing diapers under clothes?

19) Have you ever seen anyone while buying adult diapers in a shop?

20) Have you ever worn diapers at job?

1. My boyfriend knows, and my ex. I suspect some of my family do too.

2. Yes they have, I have been seen multiple times in the locker room in nothing but diapers. Most people are occupied with their mobiles and do not seem to notice, but I remember one time when a young guy came in when I was standing there exposing a huge diaper. I think he got really shocked and immediately ran out from the locker!:-) Just the other day I was at a spa treatment and had not realized I had to have a bare chest. Could not slide my onezie down so eventually I had to take it off and expose my huge diaper I was wearing at the time. Not sure she realized because she hold up a towel the whole time!😂 I have also been checked at the airport several times in huge diapers.

3. Yes, I have been wearing really thick with DL-friends for lunch at restaurants and they said they could tell people noticed my huge diaper butt.

4. Abena M4 is my favourite. I usually pair it with the L4 and lots of inserts.

5. I do from time to time but only 2-3 days in a row.

6. I haven’t tried actually, but would like to. I love wearing tight laced corsets.

7. I have, and they did not react at all.

8. I usually buy diapers using internet.

9. No never.

10. No. Generally I think people, if noticing at all, feel sorry for you for being assumed incontinent and forced into diapers.

11. Yes and I love their bulkiness but prefer normal ones for their plastics and the sensation when you fill them.

12. I was around 13-14. It was sensational, can’t describe it. But I have been drawn to diapers since I was around 4-5 years old.

13. Well it has not been much accepted. I haven’t been open with it which I wish I would have from beginning. When it comes to social life I sometimes wear with friends and family and at work. Do not think they have noticed really. If I marry again we will have to talk about my need for wearing diapers from time to time.

14. I have met a lot of nice ABDL people over the years. I met 15-20 really nice guys.

15. Definately more DL but am trying to explore my AB-side.

16. The feeling while wearing, which is very sexual to me. And the shape of the diaper too, the visual thing is very important. And also the fact that it is a bit difficult to walk and sit in my enormous diaper!😀

17. No

18. Yes, but mostly elderly incontinent people. Except for my DL friends ofcourse!😍

19. Yes

20. Yes I frequently wear diapers at work!

Thank you for all your interesting questions!

[space--cadet-glow]

Inktober: "The 31 Days of Vaati" 2023 (MASTERPOST)

Here are the links to all 31 parts of my 2023 "31 Days of Vaati" Inktober series!

(Masterpost of years 2017 to 2022 HERE).

"Another Brick in the Wall, Part Zero" In which, Vaati holds some forget-me-nots.

2. "When the Tigers Broke Free, Part One" In which, Vaati is stalked by the Running Gag Cat.

3. "In the Flesh, Part One" In which, Vaati welcomes you to his strange show-- his life's story.

4. "The Thin Ice" In which, Vaati's past slowly comes back to haunt him.

5. "Another Brick in the Wall, Part One" In which, Minish Vaati begins adding bricks to his Wall. 6. "When the Tigers Broke Free, Part Two" In which, Minish Vaati hands over everything to Hylian Vaati.

7. "Good-bye, Blue Sky" In which, Vaati awaits the on-coming storm. Sort of.

8. "The Happiest Days of Our Lives" In which, Minish Vaati tries to escape Ezlo's wrath.

9. "Another Brick in the Wall, Part Two" In which, Minish Vaati decides he's done with Ezlo's influence. 10. "Mother" In which, Vaati marks out pictures of his past.

11. "What Shall We Do Now?" In which, Vaati ponders on the various ways he can build up his Wall.

12. "Empty Spaces" In which, Nostalgia and Migraine help Vaati fill those holes in his Wall.

13. "Young Lust" In which, Vaati and Octavo go on a midnight rendezvous.

14. "One of My Turns" In which, Vaati drives Octavo away and is all alone.

15. "Don't Leave Me Now" In which, Vaati laments chasing everyone away. But Migraine's still here…?

16. "Another Brick in the Wall, Part Three" In which, Migraine tries to cheer Vaati up, but it's much too late.

17. "Good-bye, Cruel World" In which, Vaati completes his Wall and is in perfect isolation.

18. "Hey You" In which, Vaati is utterly alone and is contemplating ways to go beyond his Wall.

19. "Is There Anybody Out There?" In which, Vaati slowly begins to wonder if there's truly no way out from behind the Wall.

20. "Nobody Home" In which, Vaati is unavailable. Please send your message to Old Minish, care of the Funny Farm, Tyloria…

21. "Vera" In which, Vaati continues to blot out his past, even behind his protective Wall.

22. "Bring the Boys Back Home" In which, Vaati continues to beg for help. The Wall is strong.

23. "Comfortably Numb" In which, Vaati has finally given up on having a good past and is wallowing in misery.

24. "The Show Must Go On" In which, Vaati contemplates becoming a monster.

25. "In the Flesh, Part Two" In which, sorcerer Vaati returns with a vengeance.

26. "Run Like Hell" In which, Vaati begins his reign of terror. God help us all.

27. "Waiting for the Worms" In which, Vaati's next target is Vaati. Wait, what?

28. "Stop" In which, Vaati comes to his senses and puts an end to his reign of terror.

29. "The Trial" In which, Vaati goes on trial for his misdeeds, and the verdict is to tear down his Wall.

30. "Outside the Wall" In which, Vaati accepts the loss of his Wall and steps outside, finally free.

31. "A Few Spare Bricks" In which, Vaati and Octavo dress as Belafu and Wazukyan for Halloween!

[dl-glennard]

If you want, answer or try to answer to the following questions, please.

1) Is there anyone who knows that you wear/ like/buy diapers?

2) Has anyone accidentally ever seen you wearing diapers (with nothing else covering them) in a locker rooom, in a public toilet, airport check-in, during a medical visit or anywhere else? If yes, how did he react to this?

3) Has anyone accidentally ever been able to notice you wearing your diapers under your clothes? If yes, what has the reaction been?

4) What are your favourite diapers?

5) Ever worn diapers 24/7?

6) Do you like straitjackets, gags, and adult diapers together?

7) Have you ever been seen while buying adult diapers in a shop? If yes what has been the reaction? Furthermore, how has the cashier reacted?

8) Have you ever bought diapers using internet?

9) Has ever been anyone who has joked about you wearing diapers? Has ever been anyone who has made fun of you because you wear diapers?

10) Have you ever been humiliated for you wearing/liking/buying diapers?

11) Have you ever tried reusable adult diapers? If yes, how are they?

12) When did you wear your first adult diaper? What did you feel?

13) How has being ABDL influenced your social and love relations?

14) How many diaper lovers/ABDL do you know, both online and where you live?

15)Are you more AB or DL?

16) Why do you like/love diapers?

17) Have you ever seen anyone wearing diapers, in a public space (with nothing else covering them)?

18) Have you ever been able to notice anyone wearing diapers under clothes?

19) Have you ever seen anyone while buying adult diapers in a shop?

20) Have you ever worn diapers at job?

1. My roommate knows I wear (I'm sure of it) and also a close friend I told as well.

2. Nobody has ever seen me in just a diaper who wasn't expecting to see one

3. It's never been mentioned that my diaper is visible through clothes, so I don't think anyone has ever really noticed. I used to be so paranoid about someone seeing it but I don't worry too much anymore.

4. My favorite diapers are anything hook and loop, currently always wearing InControl elite hybrid. They seem to fit me the best.

5 I am currently wearing 24/7 and have been for 6+months? Minus a few times here and there. I love it.

6. Haven't experienced it but would probably quite enjoy it

7. Have not been seen buying diapers at the store. I remember being young and taking the bus over town to a certain store that sold Attends plastic backed ones and I'd buy two and carry them home on the bus (in bags) but always tried to hide as best I could. I'd always scope out the stores where I bought as well to make sure I didn't know anyone and I'd make sure someone good was at the register, and they never said anything ever.

8. Always buy online now. Never in store, terrible quality anyways.

9 and 10. No, maybe someday 😉

11. Never tried reusable. Love me the crinkle.

12. I don't remember my first adult diaper but my first diaper I ever remember wearing and started me on the path to ABDL was when I was young, 9-10 years old maybe? My mom babysat for kids around the neighborhood and one of them must have been in diapers. I took one and wore it that night. I remember it feeling so great.

13. I didn't wear much in the past so it didn't really affect anything. My ex also knew somewhat about the diapers. The ex in laws bought us a new mattress. I've always been a bedwetter, so I ended up staining the mattress. Kept it hidden for a while. My desire for diapers started to grow so I told him about the mattress and wore diapers to bed a couple weeks maybe but then it faded out and we didn't talk about it and we didn't last much longer haha.

14. I don't personally know any other ABDL. Met a couple here and there but nothing lasting.

15. 99% DL,

16. I like diapers for the way they make me feel, the sounds the thickness, the feeling of urine flowing and probably for the thrill of being seen in one.

17. No

18. I swear one time I was walking into Costco and I saw a guy walking in with a diaper peeking out the back of his pants. I tried to hurry up and find out but he was quick and didn't see him in the store.

19. No

20. Currently wearing 24/7 so always wearing on the job. Haven't been caught yet, 🤞

[yestolerancepro]

My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to The Beatles without earmuffs!” A blog inspired by the music world of James Bond Part 5 The film is great but the title is well

Introduction

Hello there and welcome to the final chapter of this extended series of blogs looking at the musical tastes of James Bond over the last 60 years .This chapter covers those tricky titles from the Ian Fleming James Bond stories that the script writers producers and song writers had a real struggle with.  Two of those tricky titles Thunderball and the Spy who loved me have been dealt with in prevous chapters of the blog.

 This Chapter of the blog deals with On her Majesty’s Secret service and Octopussy.

Casting The New James Bond

In 1967, after five films, Sean Connery resigned from the role of James Bond and was not on speaking terms with Albert Broccoli during the filming of You Only Live Twice.[27] Over 400 actors, including many of the most famous performers in the Commonwealth, were considered for the role of James Bond.[17]

 The confirmed front runners were Englishman John Richardson, Dutchman Hans De Vries, Australian Robert Campbell, Scotsman Anthony Rogers, Greek Giorgos Fountas[28] and Australian George Lazenby.[14] Broccoli also met with Terence Stamp about playing the part.[29] Broccoli was interested in rising star Oliver Reed but decided his public image was already too distinct.

 Future Bond star Timothy Dalton was asked to audition after his appearance in The Lion in Winter but considered himself too young, as he was 25 years old and did not want to succeed Connery as Bond. In an interview in 1987 when he was playing Bond in The Living Daylights, Dalton said "I was 24-25 then, I had a good career then as a young man in films The Lion in Winter and Mr Broccoli kindly asked me if I was interested, I think I'm just too young for this role. I think Bond should be between 35 and 40, and as a 25-26 year old and I wouldn't have been right".[17]

Broccoli and Hunt eventually chose Lazenby after seeing him in a Fry's Chocolate Cream advertisement.[18] Lazenby dressed the part by sporting several sartorial Bond elements such as a Rolex Submariner wristwatch and a Savile Row suit (ordered for, but uncollected by, Connery), and going to Connery's barber at the Dorchester Hotel.[19] Broccoli noticed Lazenby as a Bond-type man based on his physique and character elements, and offered him an audition. The position was consolidated when Lazenby accidentally punched a professional wrestler, who was acting as stunt coordinator, in the face, impressing Broccoli with his ability to display aggression.[14

The film website Screenrant recently published an article called How all 6 James Bond actors compare to the Ian Fleming Iconic Book spy they said this about George Lazenby.

Lazenby only lasted one movie in the role of Bond, but he couldn’t have had a better shot at the part. The tragic On Her Majesty’s Secret Service wouldn’t have worked without anyone else in the role, and journalist Ben McIntyre argued that the actor came closest to embodying Fleming’s take on Bond in his 2008 book For Your Eyes Only. It’s easy to see where McIntyre’s argument comes from, as Lazenby’s Bond took himself more seriously than Connery's did, much like Fleming’s version of the spy. Outside an infamous fourth-wall-breaking opening gag, his storyline was also more grounded, which allowed Lazenby to embody Bond’s troubled side.

Casting the leading lady

For Tracy Draco, the producers wanted an established actress opposite neophyte Lazenby.[30] Brigitte Bardot was invited, but after she signed to appear in Shalako opposite Sean Connery, the deal fell through,[16] and Diana Rigg—who had already been the popular heroine Emma Peel in The Avengers—was cast instead.[8] Rigg said one of the reasons for accepting the role was that she always wanted to be in an epic film.[18]

The Iconic Villian in her Majesty’s secret Service 

On her Majesty’s sees the return of Ernst Stavro Blofeild this time by Telly Savalas he was played Donald Pleasence in you only live twice and would be played by Charles Grey in the following film Diamonds are Forever.

Recently Screenrantly published an article on their website titled Every James Bonds Iconic Villian Ranked and for George Lazenby they chose Blofeild  lets face it they couldn’t choose amybody else.

George Lazenby only ever starred in one Bond movie, so he only ever faced one Bond villain, and that movie was sandwiched into the middle of Sean Connery’s arc, so he had to share his villain with Connery. But that villain happened to be Bond’s ultimate big bad, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Connery faced other unforgettable villains like Dr. No and Auric Goldfinger, but Blofeld was their boss. Blofeld’s portrayal in the Bond movies – particularly in You Only Live Twice – has influenced how supervillains are depicted on-screen for decades. Blofeld is the quintessential Bond villain: a diabolical criminal mastermind who’s always one step ahead of 007.

A bunch of different actors have put their own stamp on the role of Blofeld over the years. Telly Savalas played the character opposite Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and Charles Gray played the part opposite a returning Connery in Diamonds Are Forever. But the most iconic take on the character (by far) is Donald Pleasence’s chilling performance alongside Connery in You Only Live Twice. The glint in Pleasence’s scarred eye is both mesmerizing and unsettling; he’s a captivating presence whenever he appears on-screen. Every James Bond movie villain since Pleasence’s Blofeld has been competing for the silver medal.

OHMSS A unique James Bond film

Taking over from Somebody in the lead role is difficult enough but when you take over the lead role from somebody as well known as Sean Connery in the most successful film franchise that is James Bond that task is even harder still

Considering it was it was also George Lazenby’s first lead role in a major film I thought George Lazenby’s take on James Bond in his only film was excellent On Her Majesty’s secret service is a unique film in my view in that its more of a charector piece than your usual James Bond spy story indeed more than in any other Bond film the gadgets take a backseat to the story for once and its more about the love story between James Bond and Tracey Draco than anything else 

This is highlighted by the fact as well that the What Culture website picked the relationship between the too as their moment of the whole film.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service, despite George Lazenby's terrible performance as Bond, is one of the most elite installments of the series. It does many things incredibly well, but it's Bond's relationship with Tracy di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg) that really makes the film linger in one's mind.

It seems clear the film put a huge amount of effort into this part of the story - in fact, at one point, the film basically stops in order to show a very nice romantic montage of the pair set to Louis Armstrong's "We Have All the Time in the World" - and while it made for a very different film compared to its predecessors, it sure as hell paid off.

OHMSS offers up a genuinely moving, chemistry-filled romance that pulls viewers right in and is so good that not even Lazenby can ruin it. Besides, any deficiencies in his performance are counter-balanced by Diana Rigg's wonderful turn as Tracy.

In the end, the film concludes with Tracy's murder and this scene is still absolutely devastating all these years later. With this tragic ending, OHMSS basically does something similar to what No Time to Die did decades later, but it did it far better.

Screenrant published an article called Each Bond actors defining scene  6 moments that defined James Bond for George Lazenby they Chose Tracy’s death scene

George Lazenby only played Bond in one movie, but it just so happened to be one of the greatest Bond movies of all time. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service sees 007 falling in love for the first time and ends with him marrying Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo, better known as Tracy. Just as Bond seems to get a happy ending, and he heads off on his honeymoon with Tracy, his bride is gunned down by his enemies in a drive-by shooting. This is one of the saddest moments in Bond history, and Lazenby nails the raw emotions of a widowed newlywed in tears, cradling his dead wife.

Tracy was never mentioned enough in later movies, but nonetheless, in OHMSS itself this love story is easily its greatest asset, although the cinematography, action sequences and the franchise's best incarnation of Blofeld (played here by Telly Savalas) deserve mention too.

Tracy’s Death was also included in another Screenrant article titled 10 greatest James Bonds scenes ranked from worst to best landing at number 5 in their list they had this to say:

George Lazenby only appeared in one James Bond movie, and the actor had the hard job of replacing Sean Connery, the original 007 who, according to many viewers, is still the greatest to ever play the role. However, Connery’s Bond wouldn’t have worked in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, as evidenced by the movie’s strongest scene. When 007 married his love interest, Tracy (Diana Rigg), only for her to be murdered by Blofeld (Telly Savalas), the unstoppable spy experienced his most crushing defeat in the franchise’s history. Poignant and brutal, this scene marked a turning point for Bond’s unflappable screen persona.

Besides the James Bond and Tracey love story the film sees bond trying to stop Blofield spreading Germ warfair by using innocent girls which he calls his angels of death indeed the Colider film highlighted these ladies as one of the highlights of the film in their article The 16 deadliest Women in the James Bond franchise arriving on the list at number 10.

 The Angels of Death are 12 extremely attractive, wealthy, and sophisticated women who were selected by Irma Bunt (see below) from various countries to assist the Head of the crime organization SPECTRE, Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Telly Savalas), in contaminating, sterilizing, and eventually ransoming the world's food supply.

“TOTAL Infertility! In plants and animals. Not just disease in a few herds, Mr. Bond. Or the loss of a single crop. But the destruction of a whole strain. Forever! If my demands are not met, I shall proceed with the systematic extinction of whole species of cereals and livestock all over the world!” - Blofeld

Though a global threat, the ladies are actually regularly brainwashed and hypnotized, unbeknownst to them, thinking they are simply being treated for their specific food allergies in a luxurious Alpine facility.

Irma Bunt played by the German actress Ilse Steppat made an appearance in the same list making number 7 in the chart so a film that a film considered by some as a flop does have some highlights this is what they had to say :

 Portrayed by the German actress Ilse Steppat, Irma Bunt is the stern middle-aged subordinate of Blofeld’s who runs the “allergy institute” in the Swiss Alps, “helping” the ladies with their allergies by day, and brainwashing them in their sleep. When Bond (the underrated George Lazenby) checks into the facility as a patient, she thoroughly has his luggage inspected, and informs him she enforces strict rules on all guests, such as not disclosing last names or room numbers. But then, his cover is blown, and after a relentless car chase, there is a big explosion, causing Bond to believe Bunt is dead. However, she later turns up at his own wedding, and attempts to shoot him with an M16, but she kills his new bride instead

My thoughts on her Majestys secret service

Cinemagoers who came to see the film in 1969 most have had a big shock when they saw a more charector led story with a much more sensitive and emotional James Bond than they were used to but for me agaIn that's ok because sometimes a franchise even one like James Bond needs to take risk sometimes to stop it going stale and boring.

 The film is will written and is well directored by Peter R Hunt It is the only Bond film to have been directed by him (with this serving as his directorial debut), he had served as a film editor and second unit director on previous films in the series.

OHMSS Brought to book

Peter R Hunt also had one of Ian Flemings best books to work with in Screenrants article which rated the 14 bond novels that Fleming wrote OHMSS came at number 4 in their chart they had this to say about the book

On Her Majesty's Secret Service followed the disaster that was The Spy Who Loved Me and, therefore, marked a return to form for both Fleming and the James Bond series. Though it contains much of the action and thrills of Fleming's other works, On Her Majesty's Secret Service offers a gentler and more tender approach than the previous entries. It all culminates in a gut-wrenching climax that once again proves that Fleming is far from a one-trick pony. An intriguing conspiracy and a worthy opponent in the form of Blofeld help make OHMSS a classic.

OHMSS features some of the best action scenes you will ever see in a Bond film the Stock car race and ski-ing sequences being  particularly good that Yard Barker published an article called the 25 Greatest set peices in the Bond highlighting the films finale at Piz Gloria.

Again, listen to Soderbergh. This is an exquisitely shot and edited set-piece that kicks off with three helicopters assaulting Blofeld’s Piz Gloria stronghold, proceeds to crosscut between a tightly staged firefight and Tracy di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg) holding her own (and eventually killing) one of Blofeld’s thugs, then concludes with a (literally) breakneck bobsled chase. Director Peter Hunt’s aerial, exterior and interior photography matches perfectly; you’re always aware of where the characters are (including Bond as he belly-slides down an icy slope, machine gun blazing), and what they’re trying to achieve. This is how it’s done.

on this evidance then its such a shame that he never any more bond films after this.

If it was up to me Lazenby should have ignored his agents wishes and stayed in the role for one more film at least then perharps audiences would have got used to his more sensitive portrayal as James Bond

Mind you I think I am right in saying if George Lazenby had continued as James Bond we would not have had the Roger Moore era of James Bond that I loved as a child so perharps you can’t have everything you want    

To watch a video review of OHMSS from the Oliver Harper YouTube channel click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfS0KRkQOo4

Music

John Barry who provided the soundtrack for the film which I conisder to be his best work for Bond provided an instrumential theme tune as he had done for the first two films Dr No and From Russia with love.

Barry felt it would be difficult to compose a theme song containing the title "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" unless it were written operatically, in the style of Gilbert and Sullivan. Leslie Bricusse had considered lyrics for the title song but director Peter R. Hunt allowed an instrumental title theme in the tradition of the first two Bond films. The theme is built around a lament bass, which establishes the story as a tragedy. Barry's composition was described as "one of the best title cuts, a wordless Moog-driven monster, suitable for skiing at breakneck speed or dancing with equal abandon.

The instrumental theme for ONHMSS is a John Barry classic . It would not grace the pop charts under its own steam. the dance band The Propellerheads would release a remix of theme working with David Arnold for his album James Bond remixed. the single reached number 7 in the UK charts you can listen to it by clicking here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN8GcRGNWe4

Barry also composed the love song "We Have All the Time in the World", with lyrics by Burt Bacharach's regular lyricist Hal David, sung by Louis Armstrong. It is heard during the Bond–Tracy courtship montage, bridging Draco's birthday party in Portugal and Bond's burglary of the Gebrüder Gumbold law office in Bern, Switzerland.

The song doesn’t appear till 30 mins into the film gentle and reflective the song was the last studio recording by Louis Armstrong and features a beautiful and thrilling string arrangement that was modifed by Barry to play on Low strings as a jaunty theme for Bond in some of the films earlier sequences one of the most interesting and symbolic uses of music in the Bond film as 007 discusses Tracey with her father and Draco suggests that her daughter needs a man to dominate her !

Barry recalled Armstrong was very ill, but recorded the song in one take. Armstrong did, however, make some further recordings in 1970 and 1971. The song was re-released in 1994, achieving the number three position during a 13-week spell in the UK charts. When it was used for a Guinness infinity beer campaign.

The song was reused for a second Bond movie, when it was used as the soundtrack for the closing credits for the 2021 release No Time to Die.

To watch a trailer for on Her Majesty’s Secret sevice click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOLq5Rg9N-c&list=PL17vqAEJv6CUxmeZBk3JGDLBbcPEd4CDp&index=1

To watch a tribuite video for OHMSS click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y35cTSFFeYU

Octopussy

Octopussy is a 1983 spy film and the thirteenth in the James Bond series produced by Eon Productions. It is the sixth to star Roger Moore as the MI6 agent James Bond. It was directed by John Glen and the screenplay was written by George MacDonald Fraser, Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson.

The film's title is taken from a short story in Ian Fleming's 1966 short story collection Octopussy and The Living Daylights,

I like this film a lot again as with all the Bond films I enjoy it has a good mix of action and comedy and is well written and well directored by John Glenn ( his 2nd James Bond film after (for your eyes only)

His direction of the film was picked out of the What Culture website Best Bond moments article

Octopussy, with its stubborn insistence on prioritizing cringy comedy over thrills and a generally ill-conceived plot, is definitely one of the low points of the series (and one that totally ignored what made the previous film work) but it's not a total wash-out.

If there's one person who really comes out of the film with their dignity intact, it's John Glen, who directed five Bond movies, starting with For Your Eyes Only and finishing with Licence to Kill.

Glen is definitely one of the best directors the series ever had; he was already doing great work as an editor in the franchise, and once he stepped into the director's chair, he always directed with flair and precision, delivering many stunning visuals in the process.

Once again, just like with For Your Eyes Only, Glen does a smashing job and ensured that, despite how dated the film is on a writing level, it still looks absolutely terrific - especially during the picture's aerial action scenes.

The film also has Maud Adams this time returning as Octopussy She featured at number 9 in the 10 most deadliest women in the James Bond Franchise on the Movie web website who had this to say about Octopussy

Octopussy: [Bond sneaks into her room] Good evening. I wondered when you might arrive.

Bond: So, you are the mysterious Octopussy.

Octopussy: And you are James Bond, 007, licensed to kill. Am l to be your target for tonight?

Bond: Oh no, not necessarily. Depends how much you tell me about jewelry smuggling. And why one of our agents was killed in East Berlin.

Maud Adams plays Octopussy, a powerful smuggler of rare jewels, and the leader of an ancient cult of lone, fierce, and heavily trained acrobats, all of them women, and living on a secluded island in India. Her associate is an exiled Afghan prince, Kamal Khan, who also has members of the Cult of Octopus among his servants. Octopussy will eventually join forces with Bond (Roger Moore) against her ally

Music

Rather than use the word Octopussy in the title of the song the producers of the James Bond film did the most refreashing thing and decided not to mention it all instead we got a song called All Time High.

Once again John Barry provided the Soundtrack for the film   theme "All Time High" with lyricist Tim Rice. "All Time High", sung by Rita Coolidge, is one of seven musical themes in the James Bond series whose song titles do not refer to the film's title. "All Time High" spent four weeks at number one on the United States' Adult Contemporary singles chart and reached number 36 on the Billboard Hot 100.[25]

To watch a video short about the making of Octopussy called 10 things you never new about Octopussy Click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhwpkASnFlM&t=32s

To watch a trailer for Octopussy click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1hLWZzgZvU

a lot of work has gone into this blog if you have read it and liked it please consider sending a donation to the Tolerance project by clicking on the above link https://gofund.me/5cf25de4

Notes

If your wondering where the title of this blog comes from it features in the 3rd James Bond film Goldfinger which is rightly seen by many as a classic Bond  film and probably the best Bond film ever made. it was the first Bond film to make over a 100 million at the box office with a great mix of action comedy girls and gadgets and featured a great Goldfinger title song sung by Shirley Bassey the song itself made the top 30 in the UK charts

To watch a trailer for Goldfinger click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA65V-oLKa8&list=PL17vqAEJv6CUxmeZBk3JGDLBbcPEd4CDp&index=12

Thanks once again to Wikipedia for the background notes this time on the songs All time high and We have all the time in the world the Oliver Harper Youtube page for the OHMSS Retrospective review video Storm Chaser Z you tube channel for the viarous James bond videos and the Cinema Blend website for the series of articles called James Bond ranked

And Google Images for the viarous pictures of the viarous eras of James Bond

Pictures

1) Poster for OHMSS

2) Diana Rigg as Tracy

3) Diana Rigg as Tracey

4) Tracey and James Bond

5) The Angels of Death

6) Erima Bunt

7) Octpussy Poster

8) Octopussy herself

9) One of the many Posters for Goldfinger

[allkinds-oftrash]

The Crown S5E9 Commentary

Non-Spoiler Review: THIS EPISODE!! This episode had the Peter Morgan writing I have loved for The Crown since S1 and that went all out in S4. I’ve been missing this spark all season and he FINALLY got it back after 8 episodes - s i r why. So far, this and Mou Mou have been the best written episodes of the season. We deserved more punchy episodes like this especially in highlighting the media war between Diana and Charles. But phew what a way to showcase the end of their marriage. I really really loved the writing of this episode! 

Spoilers Under The Cut 

The fallout of the Interview!! This should be juicy

I always appreciate how Peter Morgan uses other people or events to parallel against what's happening in the family at the time. It's just such a clever narrative device and works every time!

Also ohmygod Couple 31 - they're going to be the 31rd couple on the divorce docket aren't they!

LMAO LIZZIE WROTE THEM A LETTER TELLING THEM TO DIVORCE HSKDHJD Only took you 14 years Lizzie I'm cackling "To request a divorce" HSJDJDJ I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING Like this is so sad but also it was a long time coming and they all deserved to be free from the marriage

Oh nooo Patrick and Dr. Khan WHY 😭😭 Patrick was always there for her too dammit I mean the separation was always going to lead to a divorce Di But I can't help but still feel sad for her sigh Not the fucking press hounding her outside her therapist's office too wtf??? She deserves to drain him for all he's worth Lord knows she'll put that money to good use with her charities more than the BRF ever will

Well Camilla's prophecy from S4 came true - wasn't so much a prophecy but a prediction Girlie is the villian now and being hounded by the press Lmaooo not Charles getting her a PR expert to protect her image

LIZZIE I KNOW YOU'RE NOT MAKING POOR JOHN MAJOR THEIR DIVORCE MEDIATOR SHDKJDJD Mans really became their babysistter-therapist-marriage AND divorce counsellor this season huh This is too funny pls All the previous PMs have had serious political reports to give her And this one who I like the most so far despite him being a Tory, is set up to put out personal fires for the Royal Fam I can't stop laughing Not him listing all the suitable candidates with such obliviousness and then Lizzie drops the bomb hskdjkd

Lizzie: "What about you"

John Major: "Me?"

I DIED Johnny Lee Miller I LOVE YOU The Crown is ✨a comedy✨ yall Not her comparing this divorce to the conflict in Northern Ireland Elizabeth STOP IT Yeah he is easy to like and trust and I hate it cos he's a TORY Lmao well Lizzie he can't really say no, can he. Who the hell is going to say no to the Queen of England dhdkkds Omg he's into it?? Just cos she used the word umpire John babes don't you have a country to run?? Not his family feeling neglected 💀💀 Occupational Hazard things I guess

This Irish couple is going THROUGH IT Ngl I like these divorce couple breaks in the episode. It's really interesting

Okay Mark stop lying you can hate her too Lmao okay Camilla you made the consistent choice to do so loving him and in the process tagteamed with your lover to bully and manipulate a 19 year old so yall do not get off that easy

God this conversation is depression to watch now that she IS the Q word Also again with the "word" although in this case I get it. Better than the divorce conversations with Andrew dkdkkdkd LMAO THE CALLBACK TO TAMPONGATE I'M SCREAMING God Charles is being such a baby

John Major is really good at this I'm shook Not this motherfucker telling her never to speak publicly abt what she went through Basically paying her off to be silent LMAO DIANA "If he's hoping to stuff my mouth and hoping I gag on it, then that sum better be 8 figures and start with a 3" W H A T A L I N E

Not them sucking up to the Spin Doctor shdkjdd this is so funny

OH this dentist and hygienist's age gap and dynamic is PEAK Diana and Charles This was sad to listen to

Chucky I KNOW you're not flirting with your ex wife right now what is wrong with you Also ALL her looks are iconic "Natural" Okay stfu Chucky Yeah you never said nice things ever Chuck She's right you got everything you ever wanted He's being too nice I do not trust it nor him

Lmaooo he doesn't remember where the kitchen is She's right buddy you were never happy here This is the first time he's ever said anything I agreed with: "Why doesn't one eat scrambled eggs all the time" He's right they are a vibe

Charles: An audit of the marriage Diana: An autopsy I LOVE IT

Holy fuck this is a brilliant piece of writing Just wowow this conversation is so snappy and tight THIS is the kind of writing I've been wanting all season

It might have been mean Di but it's true the mans has always been old He has Old Energy nothing wrong with that jajjsks Lmao she called him old once and he got upset 💀💀

"You do know there was always love there" Okay Mr "Whatever In Love Means" Charles is odd wanting Di to say her name God this is a painful conversation Ofc Chucky is throwing a tantrum Not the "Ask my parents" line 💀💀

Dominic's Charles feels more restraint I can't decide if that's a good or bad Like Josh went OFF Dominic even while yelling doesn't feel as visceral?? This was an autopsy indeed Okay sorry but that was such a bad crying shot - should have just kept it a wide from the start

Lmaooo NOW the divorce court is full of the press after being empty I mean I know why it's just funny it was just the lawyers for the other couples who weren't even there and now the whole court is full They weren't even there 💀💀 Also omg imagine the person finalising THE Wales' divorce - w i l d shit Damn to end it on their wedding procession that was A Choice

Now onto the finale!

[frankendykes-monster]

Halloween 2022 Countdown Ranked

59. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

58. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995)

57. Curse of The Swamp Creature (1968)

56. Monster From The Ocean Floor (1954)

55. Billy the Kid versus Dracula (1966)

54. Teenage Cave Man (1958)

53. Lost Continent (1951)

52. Attack of The Killer B-Movies (1995)

51. Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

50. Jesse James meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966)

49. Full Moon High (1981)

48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

47. The Werewolf of Washington (1973)

46. The Invisible Man’s Revenge (1944)

45. The Invisible Woman (1940)

44. Anthropophagous (1980)

43. The Slime People (1963)

42. Casper’s Halloween Special (1979)

41. The Crawling Hand (1963)

40. Scream (2022)

39. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

38. Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

37. Invisible Agent (1942)

36. The Descent (2005)

35. Eegah (1962)

34. Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)

33. The Midnight Hour (1985)

32. Ringu (1998)

31. Halloween is Grinch Night (1977)

30. Attack of The Giant Leeches (1959)

29. Monster Mash (2000)

28. Bloodz vs. Wolvez (2006)

27. The Man From Planet X (1951)

26. Child’s Play 3 (1991)

25. Hansel and Gretel (1983)

24. Cat-Women of The Moon (1953)

23. Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971)

22. The She-Creature (1956)

21. The Terror (1963)

20. The Exorcist (1973)

19. The Navy vs. The Night Monsters (1966)

18. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

17. The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t (1979)

16. Hobgoblins (1988)

15. Die, Monster, Die! (1965)

14. The Abomination (1986)

13. The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)

12. Lake Mungo (2008)

11. Day of The Animals (1977)

10. Atom Age Vampire (1960)

9. The Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters (1972)

8. Night of The Blood Beast (1958)

7. Child’s Play 2 (1990)

6. The Crawling Eye (1958)

5. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

4. The Old Dark House (1932)

3. Child’s Play (1988)

2. Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989)

1. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

God this was such a bottom-heavy marathon compared to last year, alright let’s get this shitshow started.  I can’t believe I willingly put myself through some of this.

The 1950′s-1960′s science fiction extravaganza: Curse of The Swamp Creature is, I think, one of those TV remakes of 1950′s films starring monsters designed by Paul Blaisdell.  This is one where I thought “okay should I give it credit for making me laugh in the first 30 seconds and then not once for the entire rest of the runtime?”  The answer was no.  Monster From The Ocean Floor is a dreary slog of a film, one of those cheap shits that only features the titular monster for all of 30 seconds while people just aimlessly do nothing for the entire runtime.  Teenage Cave Man I only watched because the monster suit from this film was reused in Night of The Blood Beast, and otherwise it’s Ayn Rand wet dream of the freethinking teenager being magically smarter than everyone else on top of the offense of being a caveman movie with no dinosaurs.  God, speaking of which, Lost Continent is another Lost World ripoff that’s decades behind the curve and who’s only saving grace is stop motion dinosaurs which magically improve any movie they star in.  The Slime People is an oddity because the monster suits and concept are star studded but it just, I guess, doesn’t have the money to see through actually showing us slime people emerge from underground and completely take over Los Angeles.  Weird and disappointing.  The Crawling Hand has one of the best trailers for any monster movie I’ve seen complete with a slowed down version of “Surfin’ Bird” but aside from some humorous spouts of bad acting and the 100% out-of-nowhere gag ending, it’s nothing remarkable.  Admittedly there has been a couple films about disembodied hands killing people and I can’t find the concept scary no matter what, sue me.  Attack of The Giant Leeches is in decent/mid-tier territory, boosted by reusing music from Night of The Blood Beast (Roger Corman lives up to his cheap reputation) and genuinely gruesome scenes of the leeches’ human victims still being alive after progressively blood feedings, it mostly loses me for just not doing anything remarkable with its finale.  The Man From Planet X is working with a pretty stock script but is boosted by how atmospheric its directing is, every shot is just littered with shadows or fog.  Cat-Women of The Moon is definitely one of the more humorous genre outings I’ve seen of this type, living up to its title 100% other than I guess having long nails and sharp eyeliner making you a “cat” woman I guess.  The She-Creature isn’t the best Paul Blaisdell monster movie I’ve seen but that’s expected given his work crops up in some really interesting ones, this one being a murder mystery involving both hypnosis and prehistoric evolutionary links somehow.  The Navy vs. The Night Monsters is like a better version of The Thing From Another World what with an indeterminate number of US army guys having to deal with a monster(s) at their fort and their progressively more extreme methods of having to deal with it.  Atom Age Vampire is one of the funniest films I’ve seen in a *while*, an Italian knockoff of Eyes Without A Face that hits all the same plot points just far more crudely and with a manster (man-monster) thrown in to boot.  Watch the English edit for full effect.  Night of The Blood Beast is one I was excited to revisit and it did not disappoint, being one of the definitive genre precursors to Alien (1979) and just an all-around shock to the senses in general with how isolated the cast can be and what they have to be put up against.  The star of the show is The Crawling Eye however, a genuinely insane film that actually got under my skin with this viewing with the sound design, effects work, and some really gorey moments like flesh being desolved or multiple decapitations.  As far as alien invasion films of the 1950′s go, this is definitely up there.

We have a pair of oddity western-horror mashups between, uh, actual people and fictional characters with Billy the Kid versus Dracula and Jesse James meets Frankenstein’s Daughter.  Only thing of note with the former is that John Carradine reprises the role of Dracula after playing the character in House of Frankenstein (1944) and House of Dracula (1945).  Carradine was one of the most prolific actors in the history of the medium so it’s not surprising to see him crop up here and there without expecting him, but suffice to say he brings nothing to the role and just blends in with the rest of the drab film.  Jesse James meets Frankenstein’s Daughter gets extra points solely for featuring the creation of an awkward and haphazard Frankenstein monster, which is generally the only reason to seek out random odds-and-ends Frankenstein movies.

Full Moon High is another Larry Cohen film that looks good on paper but I don’t really find myself enjoying at all.  As a comedy there are a decent number of funny lines (”I’m not one of those types to believe in vampires and werewolves and virgins, I’ve never seen any of those.“) but it almost forgets it’s a werewolf movie for a lot of the runtime as the main plot involves how being a werewolf prevents you from aging and blah blah blah I can’t be bothered to care when you present something I didn’t come here to see (1950′s football player returns to his school in the 1980′s to find it littered with violence and drug use).  The Werewolf of Washington is similarly dreary experience that only exists to present lackluster post-Watergate political satire.

Oh how the mighty have fallen; I made an attempt at finishing out The Invisible Man series but couldn’t even bring myself to watch the dedicated Abbott/Costello film.  Truly the worst Universal sequels barring whatever happened with The Mummy.  The Invisible Woman and Invisible Agent are a full-on comedy and action-adventure film respectively, so in some way I feel cheated for how they’re consistently lumped in with the rest of the series as a whole, which are to say, horror (beyond not doing anything that hadn’t been shown to us in the first two installments).  The Invisible Man’s Revenge makes an attempt at trying to get the series back on track but all it does is make me realize I could just be watching the first two films.

Anthropophagous has been one I’ve been curious about for years, mostly because the poster is a really gristly shot of a guy eating human entrails, and while I *guess* that does feature in this film it’s just another slog to get through with no interesting characters, locations, or plot beats to string you along.  Avoid.

Scream 5 exists for no reason other than to drop the entire series’ GPA.  It’s the entry wherein the genre commentary overshadows everything else to the detriment of this being the first Scream film where I can’t be bothered to care about any of the returning characters.  I wrote extensively about this one in my Letterboxd review so I’m only going to touch on some finer points here.  Scream (1996) is allowed to reference I Spit On Your Grave (1978) because the former is better, this one is not allowed to make snide remarks about The Witch (2015), I’m not having it.  If you’re desperate for a creative shot to the arm that is a grand return after an 11 year absence, just watch Scream 4 (2011).

The Descent was borderline funny to me in the sense that my reaction to so much of what the characters are put through is “shit I would just die, what else is there to do?”  I mentally tuned out when the film switched from “being trapped in a claustrophobic cave system with no sense of direction” to “being hunted by underground monsters.”  I usually scoff and roll my eyes at “oh my god it’s scarier because it could actually happen” but this is rare case where, yeah, being trapped underground with no way out is more terrifying before you add monsters to the mix.

Alright, brief “worst of the worst” roundup: Eegah, in spite of being one of the most notable MST3K punching bags, is not *that* bad.  It peters out by the finale but there are enough funny moments and actually good stuff (Eegah talking to the corpses of family members in a proto Texas Chainsaw scene) to string you along for the better part of an hour.  The Terror is a fascinating film for me, made solely because Roger Corman finished The Raven (1963) two days early and still had access to Boris Karloff.  What we get is a bizarre and haphazard jumbling of horror cliches in a story that is almost bursting at the seams over how overwritten it is, but the making of this one is so interesting to me personally that I can’t bring myself to dislike it, even if Jack Nicholson never was good at “charismatic leading man” type thing before he settled on crazy motherfuckers.  Hobgoblins was one I was surprised over how hilarious it was, another convoluted mess you can’t help but laugh at.  The hobgoblins hypnotize people to let them live out their greatest fantasies albeit with some horrific twist, giving us some golden scene like a guy going to makeout point with an imaginary woman so the hobgoblins can push the car over the edge.  Lordy lordy lordy.

1970′s role call: Dracula vs. Frankenstein continues the trend of awkward and frustrating messes, this one originally being an unrelated horror film that later had the two characters thrown in mid-production.  What ensues is an unusually violent at times boring at others movie that I can’t help but derive at least some ironic enjoyment from.  The untimely tragedy of this film is that this was the last role for Lon Chaney Jr.  Bela Lugosi got stuck with Ed Wood, Karloff with Corman, and Chaney Jr. with Al Adamson.  Chaney Jr. could have been a great actor if it wasn’t for the horror typecasting and seeing play just another bumbling grunt in this is almost painful.  See also: somehow this film is also the final role for J. Carrol Naish, who played Daniel in House of Frankenstein (1944).  Odd.  Let’s Scare Jessica to Death just blends in to the larger genre trends of leaning more towards provocative material what with explicit concerns of mental illness in our protagonist and questions of reality around her, but aside from the soundtrack this one has already completely left my memory.  The Exorcist isn’t *quite* the most overrated horror film out there, but it does surprise me that is one of the ones that escaped into the mainstream; it’s mostly middling for the first hour of its runtime before becoming a decent enough demon story.  I will say I can’t for the life of me find the devil scary in this, “your mother sucks cocks in hell!” will always be funny to me, they’re like a Freddy/Chucky joke dispensing precursor.  The Town That Dreaded Sundown, hoo boy, had this one had a more consistent tone dodging the comedy relief, it could have been an all-time great from this decade with an entire town plunged into despair over unsuccessful efforts to apprehend an anonymous serial killer.  This one goes all out when it comes to the more suspenseful moments, making the gags all the more frustrating.  Day of The Animals narrowly edges out being just another part of the glut of killer animal films in the wake of Jaws (1975), by just having everything out to kill people.  In spite of its inherent ridiculousness I can’t not say it’s better produced and more oppressively intimidating than it has any right to be, almost reminds me of a version of the environment itself is trying to kill you a la backrooms.

Ringu kind of sets in that the late-1990′s-early-2000′s period of J-horror just isn’t for me compared to the likes of films we saw in the 1960′s and 1970′s.  They tend to bleed together in my mind and Ringu is disappointing in that way.  I will say I was surprised that we get a satisfactory explanation for the origin of the tape and that only the final scene exhibits the famous “crawling out of the television” moment, which somehow became the most memorable thing from this one.

Bloodz vs. Wolvez I’m going to defend on the basis that this could have been a genuinely solid effort, what with the concept of bougie black vampires trying to integrate into human (read: white) society but working class black werewolves are stuck in poverty and this class disparity is the driver of the conflict between the two groups.  What holds this back, and of all the films I watched for this season, this one pains me the most to say it’s only average, is the fact that this may be one of the lowest budget films I have ever seen.  Everything is restrained by the fact that this must have been over consecutive weekends on $100.  Holding out for a remake that does this one justice.

Brief 1930′s aside: I’ve never seen any adaptation of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde prior to this year so any amount of expectation or set ideas on what should be done with the story escape me.  Suffice to say this is an impressive one overall, with a lot of POV shots and split screen effects that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in a prior film.  The 1931 film is another slow to start but when it gets going it unfolds into one of the most explosive finales to any 1930′s horror film (though admittedly I’m not sure what separates Mr. Hyde in this from your average London man but what have you).  Oh yes, The Old Dark House.  This is the ultimate “minimalist” horror film, using the absolute bare essentials it can to craft an uneasy atmosphere that dominates everything else.  No supernatural phenomena, no body count, just extreme thunderstorms trapping everyone inside one dark house and them being forced to make it out with their minds intact.  “This is an unlucky house, two of my children, died when they were 20, eh-he-he...” “Laughter and sin!  Laughter and sin!  This too will rot!”

Die, Monster, Die! is the rare pre-1980′s Lovecraft adaptation, very loosely taking from The Colour From Outer Space, and comes together thanks to starring roles by Karloff and Nick Adams along with going into some unusual territory concerning mutations that befit the subject matter.  Slow to start but strong finish.

The Abomination is another one of those pushing-for-the-edge 1980′s obscurities that mostly exists to up the gore to previously unseen levels, and I can’t say it wasn’t successful, with practically an entire house being converted into an eldritch monstrosity that eats people piece by piece.  It’s frankly disgusting at times but if you’re on the search for more of these have at it.

Out of all the bizarre mishmash that is the group of films that I decided to watch this year, Lake Mungo is the biggest outlier to the group.  I’m not sure if I’d classify it as horror, it’s a piece of weird fiction that seems to escape genre.  Unlike, it seems, pretty much everyone else, this one doesn’t really scare me at all, but I can’t help but be fascinated as the narrative ebbs back and forth in an emotional cacophony that leads to gut punches.  I’m not entirely sure what to make of it, it could have gone anywhere in the ranking and I wouldn’t be wholly satisfied with its position, but I guess that’s why you can’t truly assign a number value to art.

I made an effort to try and make it through as many actual Halloween specials as I could this year in between the feature lengths.  Attack of The Killer B-Movies sees Elvira and a bunch of teenage schmucks watch several low-tier 1950′s science fiction films that have been colorized, cut for time, and with new soundtracks, with MST3K gags strewn in between.  It somehow makes these films worse, which is a monumental accomplishment in cases like with Monster From Green Hell (1957).  Avoid unless you and some pals have to see everything Elvira.  I’m not familiar with anything related to Casper prior to the 1995 film and the seemingly deluge of material featuring the character for the following decade, and Casper’s Halloween Special didn’t do anything to convince me to rectify that, blah.  The Midnight Hour is one I was disappointed to return to, not nearly as insane as I recall it being.  Functionally a proto-Hocus Pocus (1993) wherein a witch returns from the dead to curse an entire town, The Midnight Hour wants to be a zombie film, a party film, a romance, and about two other things but doesn’t meet the manic energy required to pull it off.  An absolute must see is the musical number riffing on “Thriller” in the middle of this one, “Get Dead.”  “I’m dead, you’re dying, everyone should try and get dead!”  Halloween is Grinch Night is a fascinating watch just being an unyielding onslaught of color and sound that doesn’t know what a quiet moment is, the oft mentioned “weird” Grinch scene makes perfect sense in context however, not sure what everyone was on about with that.  Monster Mash is an adorable enough fist-shaking, involving Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, and The Wolf Man being forced to assert that they’re still scary in spite of being sell-outs in a world of slashers.  Best part is one of the monsters they’re up against is Freddy D. Spaghetti, who wears a pasta strainer in place of a hockey mask, love that dude.  Hansel and Gretel is a retelling of the story by Tim Burton, and it makes for perfect background material at a party for its ambiance coming from the fact there are only like five characters existing on solid monochrome sets that have virtually no decorations.  I’ve never cared for the story itself but the presentation here is hypnotizing.  The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t is another cute and inoffensive one, with Dracula forced to call all the world’s monsters together to have a witch doing her scaring duties lest the holiday be cancelled all together.  Ends on a disco party because it’s the 1970′s, fuck you.  Nothing however can beat The Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters, a reprise/semi-sequel to Mad Monster Party? (1967), which I watched for last year’s countdown, and one that perfectly rights the wrongs of that misfire.  The light plot concerns Dr. Frankenstein making a bride for the Monster and calling in the rest of the major terrors to come to the wedding, and it’s almost entirely a springboard for gags.  The difference between this and Mad Monster Party? is that this is actually funny, whether it be the reining-in of some obvious Halloween gags (ha-ha the monsters want to eat roast black widows) or there being two human characters to counterbalance the monsters, one absolutely terrified of them and one who’s a major Universal fanboy.  Just when you think the film is ending it turns 90 degrees into another direction with 10 more jokes on the way.  “Oh I’ve made a terrible mistake, the bride is alternating current, and the groom is direct current!”

There isn't much going on in The Blair Witch Project so I can't comment on much, suffice to say this one has still got it, marketing campaign or no marketing campaign. Slowly becomes more and more claustrophobic until you get to that final shot of standing in the corner. It having been spoiled for me years prior doesn't at all change how effective it is in context.

Time constraints prohibited me from watching every Child’s Play film but I enjoyed my time with the first three entries.  If anything surprised me about the first film it’s that it is a genuinely scary experience, the only one where Chucky is intimidating.  The people saying that they could just drop kick him?  Yeah, Chucky will fucking kill you.  This is what A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) wishes it was.  Child’s Play 2 does its services as a not-quite-as-good horror sequel but it’s strong continuity with the first and upping the stakes and scope make it a worthwhile watch.  Child’s Play 3 is decent enough but can grow tiring over how much it forgets it’s a Child’s Play sequel and not a Full Metal Jacket (1987) parody.  Too much of the run time is eaten up by shit that is inconsequential and yeah, not too bad compared to a LOT of slasher sequels but I can see where people are coming from when they say this is the weakest entry in the series.

If your body horror film doesn’t make me feel like the person having their flesh twisted, you failed.  Industrial music.  Stop motion editing.  Semi-undead mechanical sex.  Tetsuo: The Iron Man commands it all.  If you turn your head for five seconds while watching this you will have missed the equivalency of a Lord of The Rings prequel’s volume of information and even then a lot of this indecipherable on every level.  The beauty of practical effects is a lot of the time I genuinely couldn’t tell you how the effect is done, and Tetsuo does that seemingly every 10 minutes.  I’ve come and gone with this film but make no mistake, everyone needs to see this.  It will change you.

Alright, final stretch.  There is no series in the history of film that has a wider gap in quality between entries as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Watching the majority of the series this year also ran the gamut of how good or how bad a movie in general can be.  I did not rewatch 2 because I figured it would get better on a rewatch (I don’t care for it) and I didn’t bother with Leatherface (2017) because come on just look at it.  Let’s begin: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III is relatively inoffensive, I’d say I prefer it to 2.  It’s ostensibly a mainstream studio remake of the first film and while there are great scenes found within, it’s major drawback is that I can’t “buy” any of it.  At no point do I believe these people are a group of mass murderers, they’re actors playing mass murderers.  This is an issue plaguing the majority of the series but more money doesn’t mean you can effectively capture that feel.  The Next Generation is the first of several abominations I had to sit through, featuring what might be the worst set of performances I’ve seen in any film.  This is the one that reveals that the Sawyers are secretly working for the Illuminati as part of a massive fear spreading campaign and has an ending that resembles a Nirvana music video more than anything and makes me question everything that led up to committing to watching this, the less said the better.  The 2003 remake is Leatherface, again, though it benefits from being the second entry in the series aside from the first to have some consistent aesthetic going.  Can still be easily skipped.  The Beginning is the first entry that devolves into pure torture porn, and doesn’t take any advantage of the fact that these characters can’t survive at the end, opting for just repeating bare slasher essentials except for killing off the final girl.  Texas Chainsaw 3D opens with a montage of footage from the first film then hard pivots into a plot about the Swayers being murdered in mass by a vigilante mob and “the Sawyers didn’t deserve this!”  No mention of the killing and cannibalism I guess as Leatherface, despite collecting a body count in this film alone, is turned into the good guy.  “Do your thing cuz!”  Just when you think things can’t get any worse, we are presented with Texas Chainsaw Massacre, no “The,” the new low bar for the series, if not the genre and maybe film as a whole.  Make no mistake that this is easily one of the worst films I have ever seen, involving gen-Z gentrifiers trying to buy up a small town to make into an upscale getaway, but Leatherface is there and blah blah blah you could have called this film anything else and you know what would have happened?  It would still be as bad but I wouldn’t have had to watch it, no one would have noticed it, no one would have to be as angry or anything because the only thing this has going for it is the connection to the first film.  It’s like if the Star Wars prequels weren’t called “Star Wars” they’d be as easily forgotten as Jupiter Ascending (2015) or Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets (2017), where no one would have batted an eye, called them shit in a single breath and then easily forgotten about them without a second thought.  Fuck this movie, fuck it for being another stain on the legacy of the original, fuck everyone that says “I just want to see stupid teenagers get killed,” fuck any defense of this.

Only thing that came of having to sit through these was another opportunity to rewatch the 1974 film.  As soon as I had settled on this being up for viewing, the #1 spot was sealed.  If someone were to say that this is the greatest horror film ever made, I don’t think I’d agree but at the same time I wouldn’t be able to put up a counter argument.  I said a few days ago that I define horror as a genre by its presentation of violence, and this is a perfect example.  The opening text crawl lets us know that even if this was a singular event, the resulting trauma and open wounds will be carried forever.  The soundtrack itself is oppressive, camera shutters and industrial machinery in the place of actual music at times, the opening credits burned by footage of solar flares, the entire environment taking place in the blazing Texas sun with dried up water beds and radiators and dilapidated buildings.  It’s one of the ultimate descents into hell that have ever been presented by any film, horror or not.  Innocent people unknowingly walking to their doom, the discovery of seemingly endless amounts of human and animal remains and never putting the pieces together until it’s too late, the final survivor being forced to see how the meat we eat is made.  “I just don’t take no pleasure in killing.”  It’s been nearly 10 years since I first saw The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, this is one of the rare films that absolutely changed me, and while no subsequent viewing will have that same impact, I can’t not love it to the upmost extent that I can love any movie.

[unhingedwomandiaries]

50 Things To-Do Before I'm 50

1. Write my will.

2. Solve a Rubik's Cube.

3. Visit Aigre, France.

4. Go mining in the Mines in Hare Hill, New Cumnock, East Ayrshire, Scotland, UK.

5. Earn £50,000+.

6. Get the tattoo design I've wanted since I was nine.

7. Try olive oil and sea salt on vanilla ice cream.

8. Go golfing in Scotland.

9. Finish a tube of chapstick.

10. Take a photo of my Aunt to Paris. Show her picture around all the sites.

11. Figure out x's surname and meet the people from my half-family.

12. Run in the London Marathon.

13. Complete the hidden Tetris levels.

14. Run a mile in under 15 minutes.

15. Go to the corner bodega and pick out a soda flavour that sounds completely disgusting or out of the ordinary for me.

16. Make at least one Strava Art.

17. Adopt a cat and name it after my late Aunt.

18. Eat a homemade quiche that doesn't make me gag.

19. Try Opiate Dentiare toothpaste.

20. Own an ereader with a digital pen.

21. Try a deep fried Mars bar from the chippy shop.

22. Buy a bottle of wine and drink it in twenty years.

23. Start a women's football team at work.

24. Discover a new band.

25. See a Yankees game in London.

26. Fast for a day.

27. Go to a restaurant and order something completely different from my usual.

28. Reconnect with an old friend.

29. Grow my cuticle back on my pinky finger on my right hand.

30. Don't dye my hair.

31. Own a set of bed pillows from The Ritz.

32. Eat a hog roast leg at Peppa Pig World.

33. Eat fufu with my hands.

34. Kiss the blarney stone.

35. Find a four leaf clover.

36. Go to Turf Tavern in Oxford and have a cider.

37. Read a banned book.

38. Bowl a strike.

39. Eat a Colin the Caterpillar cake on my birthday.

40. Learn Korean.

41. Become a British citizen.

42. Eat insects that aren't covered in chocolate, sour coating, sugar, or spicy dusting.

43. Be the Mother of the Bride/Groom at a godchild's wedding.

44. Petition to get a statue of John Woodcock next to Baxter Hulme's.

45. Try a Korean corn dog.

46. Time travel to experience New Year's Eve twice.

47. Watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace on the 25th anniversary of 9/11.

48. Try carbonara the traditional way without cream.

49. Swim in Bulgaria's Black Sea.

50. Put a flag on my bicycle.

I'm just minding my business on my lunch break, trying to savor a few moments of solace in the bustling chaos of the office, when x decides to make my midday sandwich a lot less digestible. He strolls up, bold as brass, seeking my profound wisdom on the intricate dance of romance. I mean, really? Do I emit the vibe of a seasoned dating guru?

In front of my entire team, he unveils his quest for love counsel, completely oblivious and unbeknownst to him my questionable dating history – like that time I tolerated a man who thought physical abuse was an acceptable form of communication. Oh, and let's not forget the somnambulant escapade with an ex who had a peculiar fetish. According to him, consent is optional if it aligns with one's peculiar predilections. Not exactly credentials for Cupid's advisory board.

To add a splash of absurdity to this charade, the guy is a whole fifteen years my senior. I'm left pondering what peculiar rites of passage the Gen Xers engage in. Amidst his quest for love, he drops the bomb that he's on a race against time to conquer a checklist of fifty exploits before hitting the half-century mark. At 49, he's got his sights set on the Andes Mountains.

As he rambles on about his bucket list, my mind drifts to more pressing matters – namely, my unfulfilled yearning for an Andes candy bar. You know, the one with those charming mountains on the packaging? A moment of whimsy amidst the absurdity of it all.

Yet, amid the lunacy, a spark of inspiration ignites. I crave my own checklist, one that transcends the mundane. To outlive my father and face the challenges with unwavering courage – now that's a list worth crafting.

[whalleyrulz]

halloween 2023

25) PHENOMENA

i'm a sucker for spanish language horror, but for some reason, i realized i'd never seen a spanish language horror comedy. luckily, i had this realization about 30 seconds after learning about phenomena, so i was totally set to rectify the situation

rectifying the situation kicked ass

phenomena is "based on a true story" about three 50-ish year old spanish women who hunt ghosts and paranormal things, coming across a Huge Bad Case. it's got vibes of the conjuring movies, but also like, x-files? but also like this could be a movie-length pilot to what would absolutely be one of my favorite shows?

because hot damn this was FUN

there's something to be said about a movie that just wants to be FUN. sight gags about packs of cigarettes. arguing over going on dates. tense hallway fights that involve smashing a jar of coins over someone's head. fuckin'. having FUN

all three of these women have great personalities, and they're all shitty to each other, but in the way that old friends are. all the side characters are over the top and ridiculous. all the serious moments in this play well. all the goofy bits warm my heart

is this super unique, original, and fresh? nah. but it doesn't need to be. it's a goddamn hoot of a movie. good fun time!

1. skinamarink | 2. smile | 3. the black phone | 4. talk to me | 5. m3gan | 6. significant other | 7. cobweb | 8. horror in the high desert | 9. the pope's exorcist | 10. knock at the cabin | 11. infinity pool | 12. becky | 13. no one will save you | 14. huesera: the bone woman | 15. scream vi | 16. idle hands | 17. a wounded fawn | 18. v/h/s 85 | 19. evil dead rise | 20. mama | 21. look away | 22. some bad shorts and then the oldest view | 23. final destination | 24. beau is afraid

[blue-eyed-bloodstains]

1. Do you ever go back and look through all the surveys you’ve taken? Are there any answers that make you cringe, or that you’d answer differently next time around? not really, and probably wouldn’t make me cringe cause I’m always straight up honest so...

2. What is something most everyday people don’t know or wouldn’t be able to guess about you? I went through DFS (Child Protective Services in NJ) at 12 years old and had to live with a next door neighbor for 6 months due to bad domestic violence between my parents while I was there and they were both arrested...

3. If you could have someone make you breakfast every morning, what kinds of things would you want them to make? Biscuits and gravy, bacon, hash browns smothered and covered, coffee 

4. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? hmm aside from home? I haven’t really been anywhere abandoned or haunted...I’d love to go! 

5. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? kinda I mean I don’t do anything really, used to do baskets and egg hunts and egg coloring obviously as a kid but now it’s just another day. I try to still get chocolate though lol. I celebrate pretty much any main holiday, just don’t go all out...more just try to deal and get through the family get togethers during em...holidays are pretty much ruined for me from years of them being drama and hell, and now that I can’t even drink it’s even worse..

6. If you’re on the internet, what are you most likely to be doing? Tumblr, FB, Youtube, googling something I need to look up, music

7. When was the last time you experienced a pleasant surprise? can’t remember right now cause it’s been hell breaking loose for months now...

8. What were your favorite parts of the previous week? Do you have any plans for this week? nothing really, it’s been shit...and yep I’ve got a major appointment at the cancer institute regarding setting up a major surgery on the 23rd so yeah...

9. What was the last thing you deleted? snapshots

10. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? black, earth tones, blue especially jeans...I can’t stand anything yellow so I never wear it

11. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? past few days being violently sick cause of a bad chronic illness I have...chest was on fire, stomach burning, gagging real bad, neuropathy in my feet going insane, heart pounding out of my damn chest...

12. Do you have any unusual habits or preferences when it comes to food? not much I’m really not picky with food

13. Tell a fact about the last person you spoke to? she’s a manipulative, abusive, controlling, violent, vindictive bitch. 

14. What is something you tend to carry with you everywhere? phone

15. What was the last thing you completed? surveys obviously

16. Do you take pictures often? What are the main subjects of your photography? not often really but...selfies, my cat, fiance

17. Post a picture of one of your favorite memories and tell the story behind it? nope not going there right now.

18. If you’re reading a book, how close are you to finishing it? Do you have any idea what you’ll read next? I need to get back into reading so bad...I’m either gonna be rereading the Harry Potter books now that I finally got the full box set again (lost em years ago in a hurricane, fiance got em for me Xmas), or Tom Felton’s book which is basically the same thing lol it’s his autobiography about growing up playing Draco among other things 

19. Is there anything you’ve been more optimistic about lately? NOPE.

20. What does the sky look like right now? it’s real sunny, not sure if there’s any clouds I’ll see it in about an hour when my food gets delivered

21. What was the last thing you snacked on? chicken noodle soup and chips from Panera

22. Do you prefer fruits or vegetables? both

23. When was the last time you had to ask for help? What about the last time someone asked you? the beginning of the month when my card expired so while waiting to get a new one, I had my fiance let me use his. as for someone asking me? hmm...not sure right now

24. Where was the last place you went? How long will it be until you leave the house again? Wawa for smokes, which I lucked out given my license expired and they didn’t card me..I’m leaving on the 23rd for an appt

25. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed inside? How about outside? haha seriously? I’m ALWAYS FUCKING INSIDE...longest outside? I’d say Camp Redcloud back in 5th grade..I think it was like near a week, give or take, it was a school trip

26. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? fiance, barely given his job always sending him away... :(

27. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? mental illness or medical illness and what it does to you that no one ever gets cause it’s not them. 

28. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? I have ID on in the background and yeah it’s repeats right now. it’s all crime shows and docs.

29. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? casual and comfy. I’m a tomboy so gimme a pair of jeans and a tee and I’m good. oh and a hoodie too for sure.

30. How has your day been so far? don’t....

[nervouswizardllama]

Advice From Mom Of 3 Who Lose 20 Pounds Naturally In 2 Weeks

Sometimes the simplest remedies really are the best.

Below are 5 simple ways to lose weight by eating apples, dancing in the kitchen, and getting some morning sun.

If you’re consistent enough, it can even lead you to losing up to 20 pounds in just 14 days, just like it did for my friend Josie who used to weigh over 200 pounds. She lost 10 pounds in the first 7 days of consistently putting these tips to work. And ended up losing 50 pounds in the next couple of months

And the best part of all this is. There is no crazy or weird behavior required.

1. Follow an eating schedule

What you eat is only half the equation. “Regardless of which diet you choose, when you eat is important, too,” Dr. Sowemimo says. Starving all day is a recipe for bingeing later, she adds. Instead, eat small, healthy meals and snacks at regular times throughout the day to curb cravings.

2. Snack on yogurt

The bacteria in your gut influence your entire body, and that includes your weight. Give the good bugs some backup by filling up on probiotic-rich foods, like yogurt, sauerkraut, kimchi, and other fermented foods. Yogurt makes you gag? Another option is to take a probiotic supplement every day, says Chanté Wiegand, a naturopathic physician and the director of science and education at the Synergy Company. “Certain healthy bacteria in the gut predispose you to a faster metabolism,” she says.

3. Stop charging your phone in your bedroom

Resist the urge to wind down before bedtime by scrolling through Facebook on your phone. Not only do you not want to dream of your ex’s fabulous vacation (and why are you still following him anyway?), but the blue light from your smartphone, tablet, or TV screen is also messing up your circadian rhythm, according to a study published in the International Journal of Molecular Sciences in 2014. Not only can this prevent you from getting a good night’s sleep, but it can also disrupt the production of the hormone melatonin, which could slow down your metabolism.

4. Bring back afternoon tea time

Ever notice how it’s only at very specific times that your willpower crumbles? For most of us, temptation usually hits in the late afternoon and before bed—the two times when we’re likely the most tired and stressed. Head off a snack-tastrophe by eating a mid-afternoon mini-meal that contains healthy fats and protein to fill you up, says Suzanne Fisher, RD, a registered dietitian and licensed nutritionist based in Florida. “Ghrelin (a hormone that increases appetite) will increase during periods of hunger, so a mid-afternoon snack can prevent overeating later in the day,” she explains.

5. You should try this 10-second “morning trigger” that burns up to 2 pounds of belly fat per day…

“All this by a 10-second morning trigger?” I asked.

I met an old friend for lunch last month and I was super impressed with how good she looked.

She said, “It’s not so much about the morning trigger, but more about how they help raise your body’s low core temperature to dramatically increase your fat burning metabolism and improve your health and appearance.”

Even though I was skeptical, I’ve been struggling with my weight over the last few years, so I gave it a shot and watched the same video she did.

Well, it’s only a couple weeks later and you know what they say about how “you can’t transform your body overnight”…

They’re right – it actually took me 19 days to lose 24 pounds.

Now it’s my girlfriends asking ME what I’M doing differently

Imagine waking up every morning full of energy and loving what you see in the mirror…

Imagine enjoying the foods you love: pasta, wine, or even a dessert — completely guilt-free.

And imagine feeling good and living your life without obsessing about every single calorie you eat…

All while knowing your health is being protected by one of the most powerful natural healing rituals ever discovered.

Click here to see the 10-second “morning trigger” that helped me melt away 24 pounds in just 19 days

[un-angel]

70 horrible questions updated

black march 2020, purple november 2022

01 Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

no

no

02 Who did you last say “I love you” to?

sara

izzy

03 Do you regret anything?

there’s one thing i should regret but i’m not sure i do, but apart from that nothing at all

still not sure i regret that same thing i was talking about but i do regret one relationship i had

04 Are you insecure?

hell yeh baby

yeah

05 What is your relationship status?

single

single but married

06 How do you want to die?

on my own terms

and i stand by that!

07 What did you last eat?

a bagel

half a cheese toastie

08 Played any sports?

netball and horseriding played tennis and swam when i was younger too

i joined netball and football at uni idk tho

09 Do you bite your nails?

yes

still yes

10 When was your last physical fight?

never properly only my brother

my brother literally doesnt count ive never fought anyone

11 Do you like someone?

kinda

yes im completely in love with her

12 Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

ummm i don’t think so

not sure probably not why would i

13 Do you hate anyone at the moment?

yes

no and i havent for a while, no point wasting ur energy hating anyone

14 Do you miss someone?

yes

yep

15 Have any pets?

2 cats jasmine and tiger (my lovs)

still got em

16 How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

struggling

dying

17 Ever made out in the bathroom?

no

yes

18 Are you scared of spiders?

yes

yes

19 Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

maybe

yes maybe for a day or so

20 Where was the last place you snogged someone?

ewww but a club in bulgaria gag

in my bedroom

21 What are your plans for this weekend?

stay alive and go cycling

stay alive lie in bed

22 Do you want to have kids? How many?

i change my mind everydsy

2 or 3 maybe not sure

23 Do you have piercings? How many?

yes 8

i have 8 but theyre a different 8 from before

24 What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

ummmmmm art english RS chem

why would i ever have written chem? it was art and RS + i’ll let english slide

25 Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes but u don’t get to know who

yeah a little

26 What are you craving right now?

frozen yogurt

oh my god i have literally been craving frozen yoghurt for the past 7 years but i had so much of it this past summer. that will do me for a while.

27 Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

maybe i think so a little

yes

28 Have you ever been cheated on?

i don’t know

girl u were cheated on

29 Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

yes

yes and now it’s a boyfriend and a girlfriend

30 What’s irritating you right now?

my parents

the love of my life

31 Does somebody love you?

damn i hope so

yes . ur loved dont forget it

32 What is your favourite color?

all of them

still all of them but maybe blue or purple or pink

33 Do you have trust issues?

wirh certain people yes but in general no

im gonna say no but i think im about to develop a few Xx

34 Who/what was your last dream about?

i dreamt we went back to school (nightmare)

i cant remember

35 Who was the last person you cried in front of?

mia

izzy

36 Do you give out second chances too easily?

no

i dont think so

37 Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

literally neither i will never forgive u and i will never forget it fuck u

38 Is this year the best year of your life?

no

maybe

39 How old were you when you had your first kiss?

just turned 15

true story

40 Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no imagine not being insecure

no!!

51 Favourite food?

my nans lubia polo or my great aunts🤤 or nachos

still probably lubia polo

52 Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

yes

yes but u wont always understand the reason

53 What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

finished watching finding dory

cried and prayed

54 Is cheating ever okay?

no

still no but i did maybe slip up and i get how it happens but doesnt make it okay.

55 Are you mean?

i don’t know maybe

no!!! but sometimes

56 How many people have you fist fought?

0 sir

0!!

57 Do you believe in true love?

ummmmmmm don’t think so

i wanna say yes i wanna say i know my true love but now im not sure

58 Favourite weather?

when it’s raining but it’s warm

yeh that

59 Do you like the snow?

YES

yes

60 Do you wanna get married?

yes

yes

61 Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

depends who but yeh

if it’s the loml then yes

62 What makes you happy?

art and animals and my friends

and my love

63 Would you change your name?

not anymore but i used to really really want to

dont think so i would never adjust

64 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

yes

the hardest but so so easy at the same time

65 Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

mannnn idk

scream and cry jack get away from me

66 Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yes

not sure if we’re there yet

67 Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

bruce hahahah

rory

68 Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i can’t remember but probably mia

izzy? been having a lot recently though

69 Do you believe in soulmates?

no

yes i do that was silly. u can have multiple though

70 Is there anyone you would die for?

a lot of people

yes but less than before i think i was just suicidal