#14x12 meta

[shallowseeker]

Dean's farewell tour + avoiding Cas, Part 1

SPN 14x11, 14x12, 14x14:

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

When Dean has decided to "check out" of the fight in 14x11 Damaged Goods and 14x12 Prophet and Loss, we get a wonderful tale of leaning on your brother and mother to find strength to face your battles. Dean goes on a little farewell tour and starts to open up to friends and family, mustering up physical affection and attempting the important emotional conversations surrounding regrets/love that he's always wanted to communicate with them (outlined below).

Cas n' Jack, sidestepped:

But when Dean decides to throw himself into the ocean, he leaves out Cas and Jack. Why? Because, as he admits in 14x12, he can't afford to get "shaky:"

Sam, for all his emotional analytics, fails to recognize the gravity of this giant omission. Omission is admission. Cas and Jack are the things that would get Dean not to jump into the ocean. That's why Dean is avoiding them. Dean doesn't want to get emotional and change his mind. Sam, bless him, has a great deal of cognitive empathy, but he misses giant neon signs like this pretty often during the course of Supernatural. (Geez, I love that about him.)

Here, Sam is stuck in a childish arrested development. That is, he assumes Mary and Dean are mostly focused on Sam himself and thus Sam holds the most sway on family decision-making.

Sam often seems to lack a high degree of natural emotional empathy. He has to work at it. (I think Dean and Cas seem to connect more with other characters: they often showcase true emotional empathy and are typically a little more insightful. Soulless Jack aside, this is a trait Jack shares with Dean and Cas.)

Sam will miss the point when Cas tentatively suggests that he himself speak with Dean. With time ticking away, Sam'd rather have Cas on research duty, and that's not impractical, per se…

Next to Sam, Cas is THE guy for coming up with creative solutions, so Sam wants him looking for Sergei and angel-speed-reading through the Lore. The only time Sam breaks with wanting Cas on strategy will be in terminal SPN, in episode 15x17: "Just get home."

///

At the end of 14x11, Dean will tell Sam that he's the last person he can be around, perhaps the even only person who can talk him out of this. This could be true. So why is Dean avoiding Cas then?

A) Cas holds more sway than Dean can admit to others, it's a sway he can barely even face.

B) Maybe Dean believes Cas can't talk him out if it, but Dean can't emotionally handle a big farewell without accidentally telling Cas...things. The last time Dean tried, there was a time pressure: Amara. Dean was able to safely deliver a neutral best friend-brothers-in-arms speech. This time, he fears it won't go that smoothly.

Now, he's either afraid he'll say too much to Cas...or too little. It's distinctiy different in character to the others. Dean even seems to get a little flustered in 14x12 when Cas calls him on the phone.

It’s a glaring tell.

///

Sam:

Previously, in 14x11, when Dean is processing his goodbye to Sam, he hugs him, something that immediately sets off Sam's spidey senses, as they're not a "huggy" family. Dean hugs Sam:

///

Sam sounds the alarm to Mary (and presumably to Cas):

///

Later in 14x12, Dean is able to drudge out his practices, heavy Big Goodbye speech to Sam, apologizing for their childhood and letting loose a lifetime of regrets. Indirectly, he's telling Sam he loves him. This is a pretty remarkable show of emotion, one that Dean will mirror with Mary during their cooking adventure.

Dean digs up his deepest emotions surrounding his history with Sam and opens up about them here:

///

Donna:

In 14x11, with Mary and Donna, Dean is partially motivated to make use of the cabin, but he emotionally cannot resist including Donna is his goodbye tour.

They chat about relationships and kids over burgers.

Dean resists big emotional speeches with Donna. Despite her ditzy act, she's too astute.

But he is warm and physically affectionate--this is Dean's actual default when handling emotion he can actually bear to handle:

///

Mary and Cas next...

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CXVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Mal'ak Box Symbolism

(14x11/14x12)

Hi My lovelies! Today we are gonna talk about another Dean's emotional prison: The Mal'ak Box.

This meta is a resume of my season 14 metas from these episodes.

You can find 14x11 and 14x12 here: X, X, X, X, X and X.

Coming Back to the Prison

The whole episode 14x11 was Dean saying goodbye to his beloveds (Sam, Donna and Mary). Avoiding to face Castiel because even when he said Sam was the only one who could convince Dean to not do that, Castiel was the only one who could really stop him.

There was a few things I want to point out before jumping to next episode:

Mary and Donna talking about their break ups with their lovers' was a foreshadow for the incoming Destiel break up.

The Mal'ak Box was a symbolic representation of Dean in the closet and writers pushing him there (yeah, writers and C*W). By making AUMichael (Dean's toxic masculinity) hitting his head each time he was thinking in a way out. This way out means Dean accepting his feelings for Castiel and finally confessing his love for him.

Dean's ILY Journey was following it's steps by telling Sam'I love you guys for trying', after his ILY to his mom in episode 12x20, interrupted again in episode 15x09. So sad.

Another important addition to the symbolism of the construction of this box was the fact that while Dean was making it, there was sparkles in the air and the sparkles were showering hot brunette shirtless cowboys that were blatantly Castiel's mirror. This was because Dean was thinking about Castiel while he was making that box to repress his feelings for him forever.

Dean and words

Writing just a few words about the whole biblical symbolism of episode 14x12, the only important point was each one of the references were linked to the sacrifice of the first born, it means, to Dean and his Mal'ak Box. But it was also preluding Jack's death at the end of the season. And the attempt of Dean of killing him.

Another creepy thing was Nick and Lucifer representing a dar Destiel mirror. The whole prayer to Luci in the Empty and the awakening of Lucifer through Nick's longing just like Dean did through his longing and Jack with Castiel in the Empty (13x03). And I innocently thought it was a foreshadow of Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty at the end of the show. (Sobs loudly).

I'm gonna focus this second half just on the two Destiel scenes in episode 14x12.

So... Bc Castiel represents everything Dean wants and represents everything what he can't have and is reminding him all the time that HE'S LOVED AND HE DESERVES TO BE SAVED AND HE IS WORTH IT, he needs to AVOID HIM. Bc the FIRST BORN SACRIFICE REQUIRES NOT HAVE THIS THINGS.

The first one was the phonecall.

Gif set credit @starsmish

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

I wrote all of those thoughts after comparing Dean Winchester's communicating his feelings to his brother (which he does it well and honest) against Dean Winchester communicating his feelings to Castiel (a perfect failure).

This is because Sam represents Family Love and Castiel romantic love, which make things more difficult to Dean.

Now, let's go to thw Hospital and Dr. Cas (fanservice and a delight to see).

The dialogue between Dean and Castiel was full of second meanings.

CAS: Hey, Dean. What happened to him – that was my fault. It was necessary. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t regret it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that there could’ve been another way.

DEAN: I know the feeling.

CAS: Oh, no. No, please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop.

DEAN: Okay, alright. Why don’t we talk about that later?

CAS: Because, according to your plan, there won’t be a later.

This is funny, because is Dean the one bringing the topic and when Castiel tries to keep talking about it, with his obvious against the plan position, Dean is avoiding it again.

DEAN: Cas… if you are a friend of mine, then you will understand that I have to do this and you won’t try to stop me. You think this is easy on me? It has to be done.

Gif set credit @starsmish.

Castiel shooting again with honesty, and Dean... Can't respond... But look at his face. He swallows, dimples of discontent, and the movement of his face and his eyes are saying: "Please don't make me say it... I could never say goodbye to you."

To Conclude:

I think the Mal'ak box was a recoil of Dean's character and it was a prelude of his sad ending.

The differences between San and Dean communication and Dean and Castiel communication are huge. The centric meaning in all of that is because Sam represents family and Castiel represents Dean's love interest, everything what Dean wants and he can't have.

Hope you liked this one, see you in the next one.

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @dizzypinwheel @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @belacoded @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @deancasgirl777

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season here you have the links:

Vol. CIX, CX, CXI, CXII, CXIII, CXIV, CXV.

Buenos Aires June 6 2021 2:32 PM

[dimples-of-discontent]

So, I know people are upset that we didn’t get a bigger “turning point” in the episode based on the PR (which is a super tempting but ultimately disappointing thing to base assumptions on--try not to do it!). But I actually kind of thought it WAS a big turning point. It was subtle, yes, and quiet, but let’s remember that it may be more obvious as things unfold. 

This is all building to closer textualizing their relationship as romantic. Have we ever seen Cas be so openly emotional about Dean, especially to Dean?? When Dean first calls him he is basically weeping with relief and love (cue Dean’s confusion - why’s Cas sounding so weird?) and then he is JUST furious with Dean’s plan and unwilling to let it go or to promise that he’ll go along with it in a kind of Endverse-I’ll-go-with-you way. (He doesn’t even verbally promise that at the end and, notably, Dean doesn’t ask him to.) Cas last season was hellbent on duty and “whatever it takes”; now he couldn’t give fewer fucks if it means losing Dean.

(And that’s not even taking into account the massive subtextual vibes of “Sam, I’m his husband he’ll listen to me” and “Dean, we are not done talking about this we’ll have a conversation later!”, which I very much enjoyed.)

And Dean!! Couldn’t even stand to tell Cas! Because he knew that while Sam was the person who could talk him out of it (and he did, at least for now) Cas was the one he couldn’t even bring himself to tell. And not just because he can’t do “big goodbyes,” but also because he doesn’t want to soften up and be tempted to change his decision and he clearly felt that that is what would happen if Cas were involved. (Yes, they mentioned Jack, but everything about the way this episode was made really emphasized TFW 1.0.)

It seemed incredibly obvious to me that neither Dean nor Cas wanted to stop that conversation. Like, they were dancing on the edge of something (maybe that REAL COMMUNICATION that we’ve been hoping for for so long) before Interrupting Moose turned up and they were really unwilling to switch gears. Dean especially looks disoriented by Sam’s sudden reappearance. They want to talk it out. They want to communicate. Maybe they’re almost there. 

And honestly, we have to credit Jensen and Misha HUGELY here because it wasn’t the dialogue that made this exchange kind of a big deal it was the way they played it. I commented on a gifset about this, but it looks for all the world like they’ve got real tears shining in their eyes. I didn’t actually expect them to kiss or something...but that was the entire vibe of that scene. It’s blatantly romantic, if still subtextually. 

It’s barely subtext though, Cas demanding “So this is goodbye?” while staring at Dean with pleading eyes is hard to write off as a brother or buddy thing. If you perform the thought experiment where you put Sam (or Jack) in Cas’s position and give them the same scene played the same way it feels all weird and wrong. Because Dean and Cas have the romance plot. The unspoken end of Cas’s question was, “So this is goodbye? Without us ever acknowledging THIS THING between us?”.  There’s still hope for them, and there’s still hope for us. The Donatello plot was blatantly expositional (thanks, Eugenie) and told us both that there’s going to be another way for Dean and that there could be another way for Dean and Cas.

I’m obviously not going to even bother to talk about Nick at this point...I hope he makes himself useful as a vessel for Michael so he can be locked in a box at the bottom of the ocean. And I have more/other thoughts about the episode which I can hopefully get to later. But since I saw people feeling letdown, I thought I’d point out that, in addition to not putting too much faith into PR comments, there actually was something you could call a “turning point” here. 

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Something about the way Cas files into the Impala, and sits behind Dean for a long multiday drive home, even though he could blink and be there in an instant, even when that’s how he arrived.

Particularly when they’ve just talked Dean out of the Ma’lak box.

[supertransural]

oh my god i just realized something. in 14x12 Prophet and Loss there’s that scene roughly 10 mins in where dean and sam are in the car and dean mentions j*hn’s A+ parenting saying he used to send dean away when he was really fucking pissed off (when dean was a goddamn kid jesus fucking christ i hate this man so much) (and by the way can you imagine dean’s guilt when he was away knowing he wasn’t with sam in those moments when john was at his angriest because i sure can can’t god someone just give dean a hug) right?

guess what episode comes next? yeah. Lebanon. the one where john’s supposed to be all warm and cuddly and “i’m so sorry i was kind of a not amazing father sometimes lol but it’s cool right?” and sam is like “yeah it’s fine lmao you apologized so it’s completely in character for me to forget about 2 decades of emotional (and maybe physical) abuse lol” and same thing with dean (whose, need i remind you, last interaction with john was dean verbalizing how angry at him he was and the last time he mentioned john was the previous episode explaining how shitty a dad he was) which. you know. wow.

but the C*W really decided to give us one more “i was the shittiest dad on earth” card to add to john’s file and then said “ahah jk he’s sorry guys”. as if that made up for the 10 thousand comments they made about john over the course of the series that now have a different meaning.

exhibit a: when dean left sam alone when was like 10 and the shtriga thing almost killed sam and john comes home and is practically foaming at the mouth, did he not just give dean a beating (implied) but then also told him to leave for a week or two and not to come back until then??? i think i remember something about john taking them to pastor jim but what if that was simply a lie?? because sam was super young, he wouldn’t remember it all right???

exhibit b: FLAGSTAFF???? EXACTLY HOW LONG DID JOHN EXILE DEAN FOR??

[ohsamulet]

14x14 rambling:

Anybody else sobbing over how guilty Sam looked in this scene? Because of course he blames himself. He knows that Dean would have gone through with his plan if Sam hadn’t played the little-brother card on him, so all these deaths are on him, right? Except that Dean really blames himself for them, he says so literally right before he says "I told you".

Dean isn't angry at Sam, he's angry at himself, and that anger has to go somewhere, and the easiest target right then and there is Sam. Because Dean isn't wrong, he DID tell Sam that this was going to happen. Did he still allow Sam to talk him out of it? Yes, he did. And he's aware of the fact that it was his own decision in the end; it was his decision to risk setting an archangel loose on humanity because he couldn't watch his brother cry, just like Sam decided to take that same risk because he couldn't watch his brother die.

And now they both blame themselves.

And I'm not sure about Dean, but I'm convinced that Sam, at least, doesn't regret it. He definitely feels guilty as hell, yes, and he’s going to beat himself up about this forever probably, but he wouldn’t change anything. Because this way, Dean is alive and as safe as he could possibly be in this situation, and he’s with him. And Dean means more to him than anything else in the entire world – including the entire world. And if their places in this situation were reversed, Dean would feel the same way.

Tl;dr: the brothers are choosing each other over everything once again and god i love this show so much

[amwritingmeta]

14x11 and 14x12: Epic Bookends

Found this in drafts and I thought I’d post it. Interesting how the breaking of the codependency has been pulled on with ever increasing sincerity since 13x20. In 15x05 it was a stark thread running through the episode and no, I do not believe the answer to how best to break it is through one brother killing the other. I mean, seriously tut, Chuck, tut. :)

TFW are going through a bit of a tough time, aren’t they? Poor men. Isn’t it glorious? Okay, don’t get me wrong, I feel for them, but all the things that this tough time might be setting up for is making me want to shimmy-shake.

Firstly, I’d like to outline my view of Dean and how I see him relating himself to Sam this season, because these bookends are all about commenting on the breaking codependency.

The codependency, to my mind, was cracked down the middle in 13x20, in that final scene, where Dean realises what his view on life, and family, has meant for Sam’s view on life and family -->

This view is not what Dean wants for Sam. This attitude of them being so closely tied to one another that whatever happens to one of them, happens to both of them, is unhealthy, and Dean’s eyes finally opened to this fact as he, through Sam’s statement, realised exactly how toxic his influence has been on Sam, and it lent him an important tool to begin digging into the self-reflection that’s been going on this season.

Because why has his influence been toxic? Where does this toxicity stem from? Having his behaviour marked as an actual threat to Sam was the needed push for Dean to gain new self-perspective, and through it, grow actually aware of his shadow. 

(which is, of course, why he very soon after comes face to face with Michael, who represents Dean’s shadow, just as the Empty represents Cas’ shadow)

Now, Dean has absolutely struggled with Sam’s newfound independence as Chief of their tribe, but he’s also very much accepted Sam taking the lead, and supported it. This whole season, he’s been trying to let go. 

Let go of his old view of who he’s been told he has to be, let go of the past, let go of how he’s always leaned on Protect Sammy as his core motto. 

Now, Sam is a good leader and he’s proven that this season. He’s moved into that role very aware that Dean might object to it, but he’s stood his ground and hasn’t simply handed over the cape, as it were, to Dean. However, Sam has also struggled with his newfound role, battling with his own search for the answers to who he is and who he wants to be.

Questions he won’t be able to answer properly until the codependency is over and done with, because Dean’s need of him over the years has become such a defining part of how Sam understands his place in the world, and what his purpose is, that Sam doesn’t know who he is without it. 

But through Dean being possessed and taken away, Sam was given the necessary foundation to remember his own independence, and he was given a clean motivation to step into the leader shoes as it was wholly tied to getting Dean back. It removed the fear of what it would mean (and the thought that it’s easier to follow than to lead) and gave Sam purpose, which makes any situation easier to face. 

He’s the born leader. We’ve gotten to see that this season. Sam has gotten to feel and experience what it’s like to lead this season. It’s a position he should embrace without fear or hesitation, but the hesitation is there, stemming from the fear in not entirely trusting himself yet.

None of these men entirely trust themselves yet, I would venture to say.

But what we’ve been given in these last couple of episodes make me feel perhaps overly positive that they will learn how to, possibly soon, and once they dare trust in themselves, because they know who they are and who they want to be, then they can all answer the question What Do I Want?

Yeah? Everything that’s happening in the narrative right now is pushing for this, to my mind. So. Let’s look at the bookends and I’ll explain why this might all be setting up for questions being answered.

14x11

1. Dean’s Got a Plan

So we get Dean packing a duffel with tools he’ll need for something unknown. He’s clearly determined and focused. (and looks like there’ll be welding) (and oh boy will there be)

He then steps out of the room and gives us a look down the hall -->

If that expression he’s wearing isn’t resignation, then I don’t know what is. It’s like he’s considering, just for a moment, to go see Cas one last time, but thinks better of it, because there’s no telling where that might lead, and he can’t afford distractions. 

So, then. 

Off he goes to see his brother, and here’s where things begin to take a turn for the highly interesting to me, because my first impression of this scene and how it plays out is this: in Dean’s behaviour is a clear cry for help. 

I’ll dig into why I think that, bear with me, but it’s a cry that ripples into 14x12. (and it’s loud)

2. Take Care, Sammy

Oh, this scene. It’s about their relationship and how they now relate to their relationship differently. 

Sam tells Dean that of course he’s trying to help, to find another way. Always. And asks if Dean’ll hop in, help out. Old patterns.

Dean’s grateful, but hesitant, breaking the news gently of how he wants to go on the road, and, for me, very much giving Sam a gentle nudge away from their old patterns into their individual new patterns by telling Sam that he wants to go have alone time with Mary.

This is all good, except for how it’s covering up the hidden agenda of self-sacrifice.

Dean’s self-destructive behaviour this time around is based in self-blame. He let Michael in, he said yes, all of this is on him, he should be the one to pay for his mistakes. Billie tells him this is the only way and, because he’s already been thinking it, it makes sense. It confirms what he already believes is the right thing. That’s the coolly logical side of his brain, right?

But here’s what I think: Dean consciously believes in what his logical brain is telling him, and that there’s no other way, but even so, he sincerely does not want to do this alone. Subconsciously, I believe it goes even deeper, into where he absolutely doesn’t want to do this, but his self-blame makes it impossible for him to outright ask for help.

How can he put that on the people he loves?

Surface level, consciously, he’s still crying out for a support network, because he doesn’t want to go to his death by himself.

Deeper level, subconsciously, what he truly needs is for that support network to step in and tell him he’s wrong, to take some of the weight off, to be a part of the decision making process, so that it’s not all on him if it goes south.

Because risking it going south through making bad choices by himself means he’d rather choose the safety of the Mal’Akh box.

So, then. He cannot ask the people he cares about to simply stand by and watch him go through with Billie’s plan, but what he truly needs, on a conscious and subconscious level, is their support. 

Here’s where this Help Me, Save Me From Myself subtext comes into play, because when Sam says -->

Dean’s expression becomes pained hesitation as he looks like he’s considering actually letting the cat out of the bag -->

--> again because what he really needs is Sam’s support in this, not just sneaking out without even telling him the truth.

But he simply cannot tell Sam what he’s about to do due to those old patterns, feeling guilt and fear in equal measure: guilt that he would have to ask Sam to assist in his death, fear that Sam might turn around and refuse and fall back on those old patterns, and Dean sees all the dangers in having anyone change his mind and balks at the mere idea.

But that support, though. That need for support is still real. And that deeper-level Fuck Someone Needs To Step In And Stop Me Because I Can’t See Any Way to Stop Myself.

Because of his awareness of his old patterns with Sam, and because of how he’s not entirely convinced Sam has broken free of them, he’s worried about the impact Sam learning of his decision will have, so what Dean has to do is make it Sam’s choices leading Sam to understand what’s going down.

Tiny bit manipulative, absolutely, but necessarily so.

And, honestly, the way the episode is set up, it even feels like Dean doesn’t want Sam to find out before he’s built the box, so that he has it to show for himself, proving that this thing that’s supposedly impossible to build, is possible to build. Billie came through with the blueprints. And if she came through on that, then why shouldn’t she be right about everything else?

Yeah?

So, what does he do, then?

He gives the first real sign that something is truly wrong.

I say he does it in the hopes that Sam will pick up on it and act on it -->

I mean, the dialogue alone! If that’s not cause for concern, then Sam has not been through hell and more with his big brother. But he has. So there is real cause. And Sam immediately highlights it to anyone not noticing it by putting it in dialogue when he calls Mary, telling her all about how worried he is and what them hugging stands for.

Things are really bad, indeed.

We get Dean’s needed support network shown being just as concerned as they should be, picking up on his signals along the way. The most glaring one, of course, being Dean choosing to build the Mal’Akh box in the near proximity of his clever, inquisitive hunter mother.

This is not someone who wants his activities to go unnoticed. Seriously.

3. Mal’Akh 

The emotional threads that are set up in the opening are then tied up in the closing, which has a precursor in Mary telling Dean off for keeping his decision from Sam, and where she takes responsibility on herself for Sam learning the truth, because if Dean doesn’t tell him - she will. 

The relief!! ^^^

Where we open on images of Dean packing up the tools needed to literally put himself in a box (I mean I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: what I see here is a commentary on what societal pressure does to you and it makes my heart sing) (little boxes on the hillside), we now land in the image of that box being completed -->

Nice. Visual. Bookend. MH!

The packing up of the tools that led into the Take Care, Sammy exchange brings us into finishing the episode with this bookend exchange between the brothers, and it is lovely. 

And so is the dialogue, because Dean lays it all on the table, and the biggest callback to the opening scene is this:

Dean: I didn’t have a choice. Sam, you’re the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, because you’re the only one who could talk me out of it. And I won’t be talked out of it. I won’t. I’m doing this. Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I’m doing this. 

Dean’s gentle nudging from the opening scene now becomes a statement.

His testing of Sam letting him go off on this road trip, to have some alone time with mom, becomes Dean, not in so many words, calling out their pattern of interference.

He’s not stating it, but the subtext here is: the codependent guilt-tripping is unhealthy and I can’t have you using it to emotionally manipulate me out of my duty.

He even further makes the case for himself by first giving Sam no way around the stakes here: according to the all-seeing Billie - aka Death - the only way to beat Michael and save the world is if Dean does exactly this.

So he will not be talked out of it. 

And he doesn’t need to be dropped to the bottom of the ocean with Sam’s refusal to understand and the guilt that would produce weighing on him.

He phrases it so delicately when he says Now, you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me.

See, he makes that request now, because he’s finally in a good position, where it’s not about their codependent behaviour, but rather about breaking it. He’s asking Sam for his help, for his support, plain and simple.

Now, as I said, I think that Dean believes, consciously, he has to do this, right? So he’s pushing through and is underlining how talking him out of it - or even trying to - is not gonna fly.

But, oh, man, remember subconsciously? Yeah. Deep down, somewhere that he’s not even consciously aware of, because this side to him - the side that wants to live - has been too deeply repressed, but this subconscious side to him does not want to do this, and I’d go so far as to say that this side to him is actually hoping for the intervention that is laid on him in 14x12.

So, let’s press on -->

14x12

--> with two pieces of dialogue.

We get the opening of this episode being all to do with Dean’s fear. He’s having a nightmare of being at the bottom of the ocean, the box is about to start taking in water, once it fills - his body will die, which means Michael will get free of the freezer and will revive him, right? And that’s what Sam is about to hit on, clarifying Dean’s fear in dialogue. But, of course, there’s so much more.

Let’s look closer at the First Exchange -->

Dean: It’s just—... Bad dream. It’s fine. Sam: You wanna talk about it? Dean: No, I’m okay. What’re you doing? You should get some sleep. Sam: You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I know you’re scared. Dean: Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. Sam: Doesn’t matter? Dean, we know we could die - doing what we do it’s always a possibility - but what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could, literally, keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. Dean: Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets out of my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. Sam: Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board and there has to be another way.  Dean: And what is that other way? Exactly.

This first piece of dialogue is so important for setting up the emotional journey for both brothers this episode. 

Sam knows exactly what this plan means for Dean. More than that, he knows Dean’s scared. Sam’s scared for him. This whole thing is crazy. It’s not run-of-the-mill, it’s not their normal gig, it’s enormous and overwhelming and horrifying. It’s the possible end of the world, as Dean points out.

And Dean can’t talk about this stuff with Sam, because he doesn’t want to put that burden on his brother. He never has. Because Sam’s more than just a brother, he’s a son, he’s Dean’s charge, his responsibility, and he’s always protected him, so Dean’s not going to weaken in his resolve.

But this entire episode is about weakening his resolve, and even more it’s about showing us exactly what Dean needs for his resolve to weaken.

Which, very quickly, is stated to be Cas and Sam intervening. Cas being imperative, which is why it’s so important that he actually show’s up in person at the hospital.

 Aw, it’s so purdy!!

But this is about the codependency, so I’m putting Cas somewhere on the sideline for this post. *sorry Cas* *you’re very important* *never doubt*

Here’s the Second Exchange -->

Dean: Where’s the party? Sam: It’s right here. I mean, we’re celebrating, right? Dean: Okay. Sam: But not too much! Tomorrow morning we’re back on track. No rest for the self-destructive. Dean: Well, I will call this a win. Kinda nice - going out on a high. Sam: Going out being the operative phrase. Dean: I’m sorry. Sam: “Sorry.” How sorry are you? Sorry that you plan to keep Donatello alive, but when it comes to you you just throw in the towel? Or are you sorry that after all these years, our entire lives, after I’ve looked up to you, after I’ve learned form you, I’ve copied you, I followed you to Hell and back, are you sorry that all of that, it means nothing now. Dean: Who’s saying that? Sam: You are. I mean, you’re telling me I have to kill you. I mean, you’re telling me that I have to just throw away everything we stand for. Throw away faith. Throw away family. We’re the guys who save the world, we don’t just check out of it.  Dean: Sam, I have tried everything. Everything. I got one card left to play, and I have to play it. Sam: You have one card today, but we’ll find another tomorrow, but if you quit on us today, there will be no tomorrow. You tell me you don’t know what else to do, I don’t either, Dean, not yet, but what you’re doing now, it’s wrong. It’s quitting! I mean, look what just happened. Donatello never quit fighting so we could help him because he never gave up. I believe in us, Dean. I believe in us! Why don’t you believe in us too? Dean: Okay, Sam. Let’s go home. Sam: What? Dean: Let’s go home. Maybe Billie’s wrong. Maybe. But I do believe in us. (Cas exits, joins them) I believe in all of us. And I’ll keep believing until I can’t. Until there’s absolutely no other way. But when that day comes— if that day comes, Sam, you have to take it for what it is: the end. And you have to promise me that you’ll do then what you can’t do now, and that’s let me go. And put me in that box. (to Cas) You too. Alright, you heard me, let’s go home. Don’t hit me again, okay?

There’s so much here. This is the culmination of these past two episodes, with Sam’s need to have this confrontation, to feel like Dean believes in them, in him, being reflected in so many moments that’s come before throughout the series, where Sam’s let Dean dictate the conditions of their communication, or draw a line for when and how he feels ready to open up to Sam prodding him.

Sam very nearly manages what he sets out to do here, too - wake Dean from his fatalistic attitude - but he doesn’t quite get through (unless it’s pushed further faster than how it’s setup here, of course) because Dean is very, very far gone at this point, and he relents to Sam because what else can he do.

Only lookit, because beauty:

everything set up in 14x11 with regards to Dean’s internal need is also brought to a culmination here

he has convinced himself that all he truly wants from his brother is his superficial support

but what he really needs is exactly this intervention - from both Sam and Cas - telling him that there will be another way, that he can’t give up

consciously Dean has convinced himself he has to go in that box, because he fears what confronting Michael will actually mean

subconsciously Dean doesn’t want to go in that box, because deep down he longs for a long and happy life and he understands the only way to get it is by confronting Michael

It’s the end of the world as we know it. (possibly)

As for the codependency, the moving away from it that we get from Dean, where there’s an undercurrent of awareness and him trying to break their well-worn pattern, is underlined by the final scene of 14x11.

But here, we get Sam doing exactly what Dean has tried so hard to avoid. We get Sam falling back in that same pattern, unable to let go. Jared’s delivery of that “Why don’t you believe in us too?” after grabbing Dean and holding onto him, for real, makes me cry every time I watch it. It’s so poignant. And it’s such a stark highlighter of what it is Sam truly needs in order to grow up and be his own person: to let go of Dean. (his father figure)

And Dean, he looks so defeated. He can’t possibly say no to Sam, and he feared this was where they’d end up, and he realises that Sam isn’t ready. But Dean knows that Sam will, most likely, need to ready himself.

And here’s the zinger - even if Dean doesn’t end up in that box, this is still possibly and hopefully an important direction marker for Sam for the rest of the season. 

Where do we want Sam to end up? We want him to be able to let Dean go, we want him to stand on his own two feet, strong in his own identity, one that’s completely separated from Dean.

This doesn't mean they won’t be brothers who love each other very much and work together, it just means that Sam’s fear of what it means for Dean to be gone will be removed, because Sam will know who he is without Dean, and, more importantly, who he wants to be.

[iheardyourscreams]

Dean talking to Cas about his ma'lek box plan: if you were a friend of mine then you would understand that i have to do this.

Me screaming at the tv: Babe, he iS YoUr BEST fRieNd????!

[norahastuff]

I do find it interesting, and by interesting I mean heartbreaking, how differently both brothers saw Dean’s role in Sam’s life when they were kids. Yes they both acknowledge that Dean acted as a parent to Sam, but when it comes to their expectations about what Dean’s responsibility was to do that, that’s where they differ.

To Sam, Dean was his big brother. His big brother who stepped up and took care of him and was there for him in a way John was not. He went above and beyond what was expected of him and acted not only as a brother, but a mother and a father as well.

But to Dean, it was his duty to be all of those things for Sam. He expected himself to be the brother and the parent Sam deserved, and when he inevitably fell short of what he believed he needed to be for Sam (of course he did, he was a child too), he blamed himself for it.

Sam expected Dean to be his big brother, and is grateful for everything else Dean tried to be for him too.

Dean believes since he didn’t perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life, at all times, he didn’t do enough.

A+ work there John Winchester...

[tinkdw]

I’d like to point out that all the squabbling stans having internet fisticuffs over “Sam was the one who changed Dean’s mind” “no Cas was!” are hilariously pissing into the wind and that the whole point of the episode was that both of them did.

As well as the obvious clear couldn’t be more blatant mirror of Donatello, someone who they’d written off as having an inevitable horrific ending of being stuck inside himself, just like Dean’s plan, but who was saved in the end because they found another way with time.

Like, they literally said that out loud with words in the episode, that if they’d given up before they couldn’t have saved Donatello but they kept trying and later found a way.

Cas even used this as a bloody metaphor when talking to Dean about his plan.

THEY LITERALLY COULDNT HAVE MADE IT CLEARER THAT THIS WAS ABOUT DEAN.

So. It was a three pronged attack, Sam, Cas and Donatello’s metaphorical story to change his mind, and it worked thanks to each element building the bigger picture.

It’s pretty clear that the whole point was that it was both Sam and Cas’ pleading and seeing Donatello as Dean’s metaphorical mirror getting his miraculous happy ending that made Dean give trying to find another way a chance.

Thanks and good day.

[weird-dorky-little-d]

Supernatural 14 details.

I am amazed how particularly this season Castiel is often portrayed next to bright lights. And I have no doubt that this detail represents a huge clue for the development of his character and his future events. Maybe it is an intentional choice to suggest that this bright light or "SUN" is threaten by the obscure force, namely The Empty.

Or it could represents the only glimmer of light to save Dean from Micheal. Remember the dream where Dean is in the coffin and suddenly it's all dark? If Dean will find himself in this horrible situation, inside his head or truly deep in the Pacific, only a supernatural and maybe angelic force can save him, only the LIGHT can save him...

...and who represents the LIGHT against all this dark inside Dean head and (I would dare to say) HEART ?

[verobatto]

I can't find my words...

When I'm in front of you.

Destiel meta 14x12 spoiler

Hello fandom how are your hearts? I know you still are a little sad bc the "turning point" fiasco, but I'm here to bring some love to you. I always make the Destiel meta more later in the appreciation of the episodes but this time I decided to write it first, just bc I know we deserve a little of DESTIEL FACTS that for me, were very important.

I want to talk about the "words" Dean can't find in front of his Angel, and, by the contrary, he use the words very well with his brother. This is something that came to my mind in the middle of "opinions exchange" between @givedeanhisangel and I. And with the episode rewatched today, I can confirm, Dean is still trying to search x the words when he is in front of Castiel.

But let's start...

Dean and Sam verbal and physical communication

So we can see this two are brothers. You know how brothers are, when they are "very attached" to each other. They don't need words when they are hunting, and they can read each other as a book. Even in this episode. The BROTHER BOND they have is strong. And in the lastest season we've seen a huge improvement of character of Dean to communicate his brother what he really is passing through.

Gif credit @michaeldean

This was huge, is an amount of angsty and honest communication. Dean is saying words that have coherency with his mind and heart.

And looking at Sam straight to the eyes, as in 14x12 episode.

Here is again. Dean talking with his heart, looking straight to the eyes at his brother, with honesty and love. He quits (just for now) this suicidal plan but just bc he saw Sammy in such a bad shape, that he couldn't refuse. So ugh, this last scene, FAMILY LOVE was huge in there.

So keep in your mind this... Dean is honest with Sam, he learned how to communicate with him, even if he tried to not tell him the plan (he Didi this bc all the issues he has as the FIRST BORN and BIG PROTECTOR that doesn't deserve to be loved or saved... I will talk about that in my second meta) even with that, he USES HIS WORDS WITH SAMMY. I said keep this in your minds... Bc.. that's the big difference with Castiel.

Dean and Castiel physical and verbal communication

Ok, we are here now... I want to talk about Dean avoiding CAS (also Jack) but mostly Cas. I talked about why he does it here.

So... Bc Castiel represents everything Dean wants and represents everything what he can't have and is reminding him all the time that HE'S LOVED AND HE DESERVES TO BE SAVED AND HE IS WORTH IT, he needs to AVOID HIM. Bc the FIRST BORN SACRIFICE REQUIRES NOT HAVE THIS THINGS.

But... Let's go to the phone call...

Gif set credit @starsmish

Look at the first gif... Really, Dean doesn't know how to react when he receives such a nice and sweet words from Castiel. He didn't expect that bc this kind of things are not often between them ,but when it happens, Dean never knows how react. And here... Dean is almost babbling... It reminds me this one...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

This 👆 was after Castiel called him a "role model" Dean didn't replied, he just felt flustered for the compliment. He isn't used to receive nice words from people, but Cas, CAS is always reminding him that he's special.

But... Let's come back to the phone talk, Castiel keeps talking sweet to him, bc he wants Dean to desist his plan. Failed, ofc, but I like the last gif in that set... Look... Dean used his words...

And he is being honest there... "It's good to hear your voice." Such a normal quote, but for Dean is a huge step... Bc he really means it. And he said it. But you know... Talking by the phone isn't the same that have your crush/hot angel in front of you.

Gif credit @starsmish

Here... Why is he saying this? This isn't what Dean really thinks, he is just throwing on the table this quote to make Castiel stop with his "honest talk" bc Castiel always attacks with honesty, using his words. He goes straight to the point. But Dean just can't, look at him, he is rigid, he is settled on the plan, "IT HAS TO BE DONE" ugh BIG PROTECTOR TALKING, toxic heritage from his father RIGHTEOUS DECISION FROM THE RIGHTEOUS MAN. "There's no time for the love you are sending me."

But this isn't surprise for us... Dean always react with WTF quotes in from of his Angel... Bc he just can't find the words. INCOHERENCE BETWEEN WHAT HE IS FEELING AND THINKING WITH THE WORDS THAT JUST COME OUT FROM HIS MOUTH.

Gif set credit @starsmish

Castiel shooting again with honesty, and Dean... Can't respond... But look at his face. He swallows, dimples of discontent, and the movement of his face and his eyes are saying: "Please don't make me say it... I could never say goodbye to you."

And that my friends, that's Destiel. In this two scenes, I don't care about the turning point , bc this two scenes were huge.

The best sincere communication between them, are the eyes. They talk with the eyes, that's why we can put words on the unspoken scenes. And that's why our Dean, sometimes, when he is feeling very flustered, and overwhelming with his own feelings for this ancient and beautiful creature, he just avoids his eyes. Bc their eyes talk.

And I loved after this we were sending to season 10 again, with this wonderful parallel gif set here, from @inacatastrophicmind

And with the "if there's any chance to save you" line too, that time Dean fought Castiel with the mark of Cain in 10x22.

To conclude

Sam and Dean are honest and open heart with each other, thanks to both characters's growth, and because for Dean is easy to be honest with FAMILY.

With Castiel still persists this impediment with words, he just can't find them, but he is trying so hard. He started to do that in season 12 (mixtape scene) blocked then with Castiel's death trauma, and now he is returning to try to do it... The "is good to hear your voice" was a huge step for him, and bc it was by the phone, he was able to say it. And bc he is now about to "locked himself in a coffin", he felt he should say the "goodbye words" to everyone. That helps, indeed.

When Dean is facing Cas is another different story,words became his enemies, and can't find the way to communicate with honesty and coherency with his Angel. That's bc he just can't with ROMANTIC LOVE. He feels uneasy, and insecure, and he certainly looks like a schoolgirl with his crush. Is overwhelming.

I really hope this IMPEDIMENTS (that are inside his own head) all this toxic heritage, heal in the next episode and we can reach the honest DESTIEL TALK we deserve. Not expecting for something BLANTANT but some honesty will be fine.

Thanks everyone for reading this! Are you feeling better now?

Tagging METAFEST moderators: @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @mrsaquaman187 @gneisscastiel

Tagging friends: @cheerstofandomfamily @whyjm @lykanyouko @evvvissticante

Tagging pre-meta Thoughts participants: @sassysousa @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @legendary-destiel @thatwitchydestielfan

Tagging @metafest guests: @drsilverfish @norahastuff @savannadarkbaby @poorreputation @agusvedder @bluephoenixrises @amwritingmeta

Buenos Aires February 1st 2019 7:00 PM

[orionsangel86]

Do you think that Destiel will become Canon in the episode Prophet and Loss how like people are talking? Misha and Ross-Leming said they will have a "turning point scene" between Cas and Dean.

Haha noooooo

Destiel become canon in a Bucklemming episode? I would bet money against it. 

Eugenie knows what sells, and Destiel sells. I wouldn’t trust her at all. I don’t think we will get anything remotely “canon” but we will be getting something. Whether it is anything even remotely close to what Eugenie made it out to be I guess we’ll have to wait and find out. Frankly I am keeping expectations low and expecting at least half the episode to be more pointless Nick murder/torture porn scenes that I’ll forget the minute I’ve watched them followed by cringe worthy scenes with Donatello that just don’t hit the right notes if you know what I mean.

*breaths*

Okay, now that I’ve got the negativity out of my system, lets actually speculate on what that episode will potentially be about.

This is the synopsis:

SUPERNATURAL

“Prophet and Loss”— (8:00-9:00 p.m. ET) (Content Rating TBD) (HDTV)

NO LOOKING BACK – Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) must figure out how to stop the bloodshed when Donatello (guest star Keith Szarabajka), who, in his current condition, is inadvertently scrambling the order of future prophets. Nick (Mark Pellegrino) comes face to face with his past. The episode was directed by Thomas J. Wright and written by Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming. (#1412). Original Airdate 1/31/2019

So this is a pretty sucky synopsis, but at least now we have an idea of what to expect. Bucklemming always cram too much plot into their episodes, so we will probably be overloaded with story and forget half of it shortly after (probably the half with Nick).

Now, we know that Donatello is back *sigh* and in a not very good state. We also know from these very fine pictures:

That Cas is playing dress up as Doctor Sexy MD (in which the fandom collectively died last night).

So we can assume that Cas is going undercover at the hospital where they dropped off Donatello last time to collect him. (Please can everyone pray to the fandom gods that Cas will be wearing cowboy boots we NEED IT.)

Now about this “Turning Point” scene that is also potentially the scene Misha said would “scratch an itch” for DeanCas fans (though lets be clear here that it isn’t actually known if Misha was talking about the same scene or even the same episode.) The other interesting bit of info we have from this episode is that Dean is in a bad place, physically hurt and Jensen said it was very emotional for him and the crew. 

I’m gonna take a guess and say its possible that these go hand in hand. Donatello could be in a position to reveal Cas’s deal with the Empty, as we are all expecting Dean to find out about that eventually. We also know that whatever this turning point is, it will be a game changer for Dean and Cas going forward. 

We know its not going to result in either of their deaths, as they have both been filming later episodes (though the shot of Cas lying on the bed in 14x14 is rather concerning) so it has to be a reveal of some kind. My money is still on Dean finding out about the deal, getting upset, getting hurt through whatever means, and getting emotional about the situation. 

Whilst I often criticise Bucklemming, when it comes to Destiel their incompetence usually works in our favour. Bucklemming don’t write subtext. They don’t understand subtlety. Everything they write is like a brick to the face. So whilst I’m not expecting anything “to go canon”, to the point that I would bet money against it, I AM expecting something that will leave Destiel fandom screaming into the now empty void of Tumblr post Nipplepocalypse and the Twitterverse in total meltdown. 

Regardless of Bucklemming, I am really looking forward to the season ahead, and I think it is going to be extremely painful and angsty and leave us sobbing in front of our TV screens. I maintain as always that canon Destiel is endgame. It won’t happen yet. But will we get more and more build up in a more and more obvious way until then? Heck yes.

Remember the boiling frog metaphor everyone. The pot is about to get uncomfortably hot.

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Dean Character Growth in One Gif

Halfway through the 14th season Sam punches Dean because *emotions*, he really clocks him. An earlier Dean would have hit back.

Season 14 Dean doesn't hit Sam, he defends only, and instead they end up in an emotional hug.

[letsgobethegoodguys]

Prophet and Loss

You know something I love about That Scene at the end of "Prophet and Loss"? It's Cas. He literally has no dialogue there. At first I thought that felt a little awkward, maybe. A little strange that they put him in the scene if he wasn't going to talk. But I've come to love it because it feels so much like Cas is there for Sam. Sam has been openly crying and when Cas shows up, Sam doesn't wipe away his tears or try to hide his face. And Cas is there, staring up at Sam with the softest look of compassion and concern. He doesn't ask what happened, but he knows Sam and he knows Dean. He can tell that they had a moment - some kind of breakthrough - and he doesn't want to get in the way of that. But he's there. And that matters. When Sam heard about Dean's plan, he called Cas. The only explanation he gives to Dean for why he called the angel is, "It's Cas".

To me, "It's Cas" carries so much weight.

"He's our best friend."

"He's my best friend."

"He's maybe the only one who really knows us. The only one besides you who knows me. More than Donna. More than Mom."

"It's Cas."

I can't help but imagine what happened when they made it home. Sam goes to his room but then there's a soft knock at the door. "Sam?"

"Come in, Cas."

"Are you... okay?"

And Sam smiles, eyes still puffy from crying. Cas is the only one Sam had talked to while he was trying to keep his promise to Dean and not stop him from executing his suicidal plan.

"Yeah, Cas. I think I am. Or at least, I'm gonna be."

Cas nods. "Good."

Sam is exhausted from the adrenaline, the relief, and the tears of the night. But his heart floods with affection.

"It's Cas."

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Poor Dean. He was abused on all fronts last episode. First, we see that he is absolutely terrified of being locked in the box under the ocean, so much so that he has horrific nightmares. This is coupled with Michael constantly being destructive in his head. Then we have Sam, who continually berates and guilt trips him, and even ends up getting physical. And then Cas, who also berates him, calls him suicidal and essentially, a coward. Of course Dean gave in at the end. The boy is exhausted. :(

Exactly. It’s been a series of violations ever since the beginning of Michael’s possession. Michael tricked him over the terms of their deal and took control of him, them tricked him into thinking he was free and in fact had access to his mind all this time, spying on him, until he eventually took over again. Michael then shoved him inside his own mind, with a mental trick to keep him complacent.

And then, as soon as he took back control, he knew that it was a temporary solution because the door isn’t strong enough, he isn’t strong enough to keep Michael at bay. Which is heartbreaking because a human overpowering a full-power archangel like that for so long is already unheard of... but it doesn’t really matter if it’s not enough.

All he wants is for Michael not to destroy the world, for anyone not to be harmed for what he essentially consider his own mistake, saying yes to Michael (nevermind that Lucifer was going to destroy the world, too). All he wants is for people to be safe. And for this, he’s willing to sacrifice more than his life--spend eternity (or as long as the planet? the universe? last) trapped in an enclosed space with his tormentor.

And all he wants is to be in peace with that decision, as much as he can be. He plans to see Donna and Mary before getting the box done. He knows he can’t tell Sam, because Sam will make him change his mind, because Dean already anticipated how Sam would react and how Sam would act. So he makes Sam give his word that he won’t try to stop him, and Sam breaks that promise. He obviously also asks Sam not to tell Cas, and Sam breaks that too. (After already telling about Dean’s latest possession to their friends without asking Dean if it was okay or telling him at all.)

He had tried to set some boundaries, do this utterly terrifying and devastating thing on his own terms at least, and Sam steps on those terms.

I’m not even sure how well Cas even understands the situation--not in the sense that he’s stupid, but in the sense that all the information he got about Dean’s plan and Dean’s mental state at the moment came from Sam--again, I understand why Sam told Cas, but it’s still a violation of a boundary Dean had tried to place, and it obviously sides Cas with Sam because Cas sees the situation from Sam’s lens. But anyway, Cas isn’t really equipped with the emotional capability to deal with this kind of situation.

Sam’s speech at the end of the episode is terrifying. Ironically, I agree with that post from a W-ncest shipper that keeps appearing on my dash today - he acts like a child. But he’s not. He will always be Dean’s child, true. But he is a fully grown adult. He’s traumatized to hell and back, figuratively and literally, but that’s an explanation, not an excuse. He has wanted Dean to treat him like an adult for years, remember? They had fights over that. If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like one. An adult doesn’t get to abuse their parent figure like that, no matter what their history with trauma is.

What Dean doesn’t need to is to add more gaslighting to all the gaslighting and abuse he’s received all his life. Sam basically - regardless of whether he’s remotely aware of what he’s doing - is pushing his own perception of Dean’s feelings and intentions over Dean.

“How sorry are you? Sorry that [...] when it comes to you, you just throw in the towel? Or are you sorry that, after all these years, our entire lives, a-after I’ve looked up to you, after I’ve learned from you, I-I-I’ve copied you, I followed you to hell and back, are you sorry that all of that--it-it-it means nothing now?”“Who’s saying that?”“You are, when you tell me I have to kill you. When you’re telling me that I have to just throw away everything we stand for, throw away faith, throw away family. We’re the guys who save the world. We don’t just check out of it!”

Dean is not saying that. Dean is not checking out of the world, he is trying to save it. The only reason he is doing this is because Death told him that it was the only way to prevent the destruction of the world.

Nothing about Dean’s decision is about Sam. There is no link between Dean’s decision and his relationship with Sam. There is no link between what Dean’s role in Sam’s life “means” and what Dean is planning on doing.

Sam is trying to make Dean feel guilty by installing a link between Dean’s actions and Dean’s parental feelings over Sam. He’s saying that if Dean does this, then all he’s done before - everything he has done for Sam, for family, for everything - is meaningless.

He’s saying that if Dean does this, Dean is spitting over family, over their relationship, over their faith in each other. That Dean is spitting over all they have always fought for, over all Dean has always fought for.

Then he tells Dean that what he is doing is quitting, is giving up, which is a terrible thing to say to a person who has always refused to quit, and who is facing something that is terrifying him and is making himself go through with it because it’s the right thing to do.

And then he says Dean “I believe in us, Dean. I believe in us”, which is an accusation that Dean doesn’t believe in them. But the two of them aren’t omnipotent. Dean is just acknowledging - which makes sense giving their situation - that they have arrived to the one thing they can’t solve otherwise. He is trusting an authority he respects, Death’s. He just wants to keep people safe.

He doesn’t consider himself, or his small entourage, more important than everyone else. He just isn’t willing to condemn the entire world to destruction because he was picky about his solutions.

Meanwhile, an evil archangel is screaming in his mind, trying to subjugate his entire being.

All he wanted was a little peace before something horrific that terrifies him.